#good things about the magic school bus rides again

[iamthecomet]

15 years ago, today, my friend Ellen died. And I can't let this day go without telling you about her--at least a little.

She was 17. It was five days after graduation (she was barely allowed to participate because adults can be such assholes to kids sometimes). It was raining. It was her first time driving that far by herself.

She didn't know how to steer out of a skid. Her mom hadn't taught her yet. There was time.

Ellen and I weren't best friends. We lived an hour and a half away from each other (each of us had a 45 minute bus ride in the morning). We didn't hang out outside of school--except when we went to see Twilight on opening night the November before she died with a group of other girls.

But, we were friends. We liked the same things (books, and music, and writing, and acting). We commiserated. And laughed. And sang. And raged together. We loved each other the way high school girls do.

And I could write thousands of words about her. I have. I will again. I wish I could tell you all about her. I wish I could give you the joy of knowing her--wish I could conjure the magic of her so you could feel it, just for a moment.

She was an artist. A musician. An actress. She was an extra in a real Hollywood movie, with a brief second of screen time that still kills me to watch. She was a teenager. She was annoying and loud and dramatic and made good choices and bad ones. She had one of those laughs--you know the ones. She was a lot. All seventeen year olds are.

She exists now in art left behind. In old recordings. In the songs she wrote that her mom sings for her. In the video of her graduation speech. In the ring of hers I wear around my neck every day. In the index card she made for me on a bad day--proclaiming her love for me when she knew I needed it most.

I love her. I miss her. She has been gone almost as long as she's been alive. I wish I knew how to share her with all of you. I wish I had more reasons to talk about her. I am endlessly glad I knew her.

If you read this far. Thank you. Thank you for spending a couple minutes with me. And with Ellen.

Grief stays with you. It sneaks up on you. It lives with you. While I wish with all my heart it didn't happen--that she was here--it did. And she isn't. So I am glad for my grief sometimes. It means she was here. It means I was lucky enough to know her.

I wish you could have known her too. She should have had so many more years than seventeen.

I'll leave you with her words. Ones that will never leave me. I hear them sung in her voice--even though I never got to hear her sing them (I've heard her mother sing them though, maybe that's close enough).

"And yes, the sun still shines. But never the same as when you were alive."

[karin-gespenst]

CtM CS 2023 first rewatch and further thoughts

early foreshadowing for Mr. Sharma: he says "I can find my own way." he's clearly referring to his navigator skills.

Angela's teacher promised her "house points" for making the scrap book. Can somebody tell me if "house points" is a common thing for teachers to use? I've only encountered the term in fiction books.

Fred calling Angela treacle was very sweet. Now that I think about it, Fred probably sees more of the Turner children than of his own grandchildren, or Violet's. He always organising something for the kids in the neighbourhood, from running the cubs to joining the bus ride to see the Christmas lights and sending his paper boys to the clinic for working children, and now he's the lollipop man. Good on him!

Tim passing his driving test reminded me of the giant bills I've been paying in the last few months for my kid going to driving school. And then I noticed that Shelagh still does not drive. Chummy learned and Sister Winifred and I'm sure by now Delia has taught Patsy as well. On the other hand, Patrick is always using the car, Shelagh would have to get her own vehicle if she wants to drive.

Meanwhile, Miss Higgins is aquiring new premises for the clinic, and shows her best no-nonsense attitude while the badminton match is going on behind her. It's hilarious.

Sister Monica Joan is not impressed by Apollo

her complaint about Patrick is exquisite: "Can you not remove this man? He seems to be pleading the case for eternal life."

Trixie in her hostess gown! Opinions? I like the gown better than her new hairdo.

Matthew cooking a festive dinner for them - good on him!

Geoffrey! So much to unpack there, he'll get his own post. What's his profession again? something with the expat community in Malta?

Brenda and Toni together in the maternity home, being honest but kind and sharing their fears, that is just beautiful. Having family around is lovely, but the kind of support and understanding that young mothers can give each other is really one of a kind.

Mr. Sharma in the hospital deserved more real attention instead of just well-meaning words from the staff, so they could maybe have lessened his fear and avoided his running off out through the snow without understanding why he's feeling so unwell. Without Cyril's patient kindness and the respectful trust he established this could have gone much worse.

Filming in the ambulance must have been exhausting. Birth scenes are always strenuous, but with three or four adults and several babies in the cramped space, I don't fancy being the cameraperson. The only other mother in labour who had Patrick sitting behind her as support was Shelagh, so Brenda is expertly looked after at this point.

What kind of care did the specialist give to Brenda during her pregnancy? apart from that one palpation he's just parading around and celebrating what he sees as his own achievments, when the development of fertility drugs is a joint effort of many people and the mothers are bearing most of the actual load.

I've noticed Nancy is more comfortable now reassuring mothers who share some of her experiences. Having a safe space to live together with Colette has given her calm and happiness.

I've had a two-hour-drive today in the dark and I did not like it. Phyllis driving home in pain through the snow makes me want to reach through the screen and pick up her car like a toy and place it safely in front on Nonnatus house. Glad to see her snapping many, many photos at the Christmas party.

Tim at the church organ made me smile. The entire scene is magical, brimming with detail, and everyone playing their parts proudly. Apart from maybe baby Mark, who was not quite aware of the backstory.

[fountainpenguin]

"Now, shoulders back- and stand up tall! And do not walk, but try to float!" (x)

---

New 130 Reasons Why I’m Fairy Trash update today!

Fairly OddParents || One-Shot - “I Just Live Here”

Read on FFN || Read on AO3

Find more Lavender Train story arc HERE

---

It's spring break for the Spellementary School kids. Poof, Finley, and Foop visit their extended family for the holidays- Poof with Granddad Dusty ("Big Daddy") and all his Fairywinkle cousins, Foop with his grandmother, and Finley with...

... Well. I guess H.P.'s just putting him to work. That's Pixie life for ya.

(First 1,000 words under the cut)

---

By the way... FFN keeps saying that it won't send me more emails because apparently my email is rejecting them and no matter how many fixes I attempt, it's not sticking.

If you would like to leave a review, I'd prefer you leave it on AO3 because I'm confident I'll get an email that I can respond to, but you can still leave reviews on the FFN story if you wish!

---

125. I Just Live Here (Immediate sequel to "Scarred")

Wednesday May 6th, 2005

Year of Sky, Spring of the Silent Owls

---

Poof Fairywinkle-Cosma

Chingaling-chime!

"Now approaching Starglint Town. Please prepare to disembark in the next five minutes. If you've enjoyed your local public transportation system, consider supporting returning candidate Mortikor Fern as Pink Robe in the next Fairy Council election. Thank you for flying with Rainbow Transit Services and have a magical day."

I've heard that message (with different drop-off points subbed in) so many times in the past four hours, I kind of wanna barf. And even if I did, I could probably recite it several times myself on the way to the nearest clinic. I'll be glad when this bus ride is over. I feel like it's been four weeks since I left the Spellementary dorms.

There's a good reason as to why it's taken so long. Starglint Town lies at the edge of the Fairy World Outskirts, basically kissing the border with Anti-Fairy World… separated from it only by Emper: a scraggly little town on the floating island that's just come into view up ahead. Emper isn't much to look like. There's a park with cool statues from the old days, plus a cute grocery store where they hand out free sugar cookies to kids. My dad takes me to get one every time we visit Mama Cosma, but there isn't much else that's interesting. Starglint Town is where all the action is, from libraries to community centers to toy stores and pizza shops.

Granddad Dusty's property is smack between the two. Everyone in Emper calls him Big Daddy and they treat him with so much respect, I always wonder if my family are under some kind of secret government protection just because our counterparts rule Anti-Fairy World. I mean, it doesn't sound too far-fetched when you think about it for a while. I know a lot of people dislike the Anti-Fairywinkles, but I hope most of them realize that if we knocked them out of power, it wouldn't be the end of that kind of leadership in Anti-Fairy World. Someone else would just rise up to take over, and they could be even worse than Anti-Cosmo is now.

I don't even think Anti-Cosmo is that bad, but if I say that, people will freak out at me and shower me in questions about whether or not I remember getting kidnapped as a newborn. I don't, but… that doesn't mean I want to hear about it over and over again. I wish more people would respect my boundaries and ask me first before they talk about it… Not just dump the whole kidnapping thing on my head any time I want to have a polite and reasonable conversation about Fairy World history, geography, or politics.

Maybe instead of screaming about how H.P. and Anti-Cosmo are evil fiends who went off the deep end and can never be forgiven because they kidnapped a baby and tried to springboard off my magic to rule the universe, we could, I dunno… ask ourselves why the current state of the universe isn't working for them? There's gotta be some reason they feel like they're doing the right thing for their people by pushing back against the Fairies. They're still people, right?

Or if you want to look at this from another angle, why do Anti-Fairy World and Pixie World even have corrupt leaders in the first place? Do people support them? If they don't, then why don't their people support Fairy World? Are we the crueler of two evils in their eyes? We should change that. We should figure out how to fix it.

And if Pixies and Anti-Fairies do support their leaders, maybe we should ask ourselves why. Are they being brainwashed by hateful propaganda? My school's always teaching us that Anti-Fairies are behind all that's bad in the universe, so we're using propaganda too.

Do Pixies and Anti-Fairies support their leaders because they care about their people, use their taxes wisely, and keep everyone fed, sheltered, and clothed? That sounds okay to me. Next topic: Why aren't Anti-Cosmo and Foop's dad in jail for all those other times they tried to take over Fairy World? If the answer to that is "their worlds will fall apart if they don't stay in power, plunging the universe into chaos," then maybe they're actually great leaders and aren't so bad after all.

Just a thought. Politics are probably more complicated than I think they are, but that's just me.

I've never worried about repeat kidnapping when I'm at home with my parents, apart from maybe one time that Timmy's Dad snuck into his room and stole our fishbowl for Mr. Crocker. At school, I feel safe in the hands of the faculty and their magical wards. Yeah, Mr. Crocker might be my teacher now and he really is as wacky and distractible as Timmy always said he was, but he's not allowed within twenty feet of our dorms.

My classmates don't always respect our cohort's RA, but I'm pretty sure Gary would mess Crocker the freak up if he ever tried peering through our windows. Gary and Crocker are both witches, but Gary's 1.56% genie with minor reality-bending powers to prove it, while Crocker's about thirteen generations down from his magical ancestor with nothing to show for it but the ability to float. I know who I'd bet money on in that fight.

Foop and I tried sneaking out one time when it was late and we wanted fruit snacks from the vending machine, and that's how I found out that Gary can just snap his fingers and summon clones of himself. I don't leave my room after curfew anymore.

[Cnt'd on FFN / AO3 - Links at top]

[spacefinch]

Incoming MSB rambles

Against my better judgement, I have started reading some Magic School Bus fics and fan videos. I have taken care to avoid anything particularly dark.

HOWEVER: I do now know the feeling of “they would not fricking do that” that all media fans experience at some point in their lives.

In the (allegedly canon) Rides Again series, Phoebe is absent from the show. And it’s dismissed as “oh she went back to her old school.” No. My girl Phoebs would never leave her friends. She’s one of the best friends anyone could ever have, and she’s arguably the heart and moral compass of the class. It makes zero sense for her to just leave. And don’t try to write it off as “she was always complaining about the weird things happening in Ms. Frizzles’s class. Whenever Phoebe talks about her old school, she’s just making observations. Like: “this is new and strange, I’m not used to it.” I tend to voice my own observations when I’m in a new situation, too. Doesn’t mean I’m complaining.

Secondly: in one of the short fics I read, the author wrote Carlos and Dorothy Ann as huge jerks. (Said fic was mercifully short.) I’m here to tell you those kids would never be huge jerks. Sure, they have their moments of not being nice, but for the most part, they are amazing people. D.A. is smart, inquisitive, creative, and above all, there for her friends. Carlos is also very smart and creative, and is incredibly loyal. Whenever we do see him teasing others, it’s more of a joking-around teasing or an older-sibling kind of teasing, not a mean kind of teasing.

AND ANOTHER THING.

This isn’t a complaint exactly, but Mikey (Carlos’s little brother) needs more story time. He only got two episodes in the original series, and one in the new series. He’s one of my favorite side characters:

He’s very energetic and kind

He likes engineering and computers

He’s a wheelchair user (it’s never explained why he uses it, but I headcanon that he was never able to walk normally)

He’s creative

He has a good sibling relationship with Carlos— they both respect each other so much

I apologize for the rant, but I just needed to get this off my chest.

[princesssarisa]

Character ask: Ms. Frizzle (The Magic School Bus)

Favorite thing about them: She's quirky, joyful, adventurous, and exciting, with a seemingly endless array of talents, yet she's kind and caring too, and a good teacher whose unusual methods make learning fun. She's an excellent character all around.

Least favorite thing about them: Well, she sometimes puts her students in scary situations, though she always succeeds in protecting them from real danger.

Three things I have in common with them:

*I'm a single female.

*I'm fun-loving.

*I'm well-educated and enjoy learning.

Three things I don't have in common with them:

*I'm not a teacher.

*I don't drive.

*I'm less of a thrill-seeker than she is.

Favorite line: Her catchphrase – "Take chances! Make mistakes! Get messy!"

brOTP: Her students, Liz the lizard, and since it so often seems to be sentient, the Bus.

OTP: None; she's had flirtations, like with Phoebe's former teacher Mr. Seedplot, but she's happily single.

nOTP: Any of her students.

Random headcanon: While I don't ascribe to the fan theory that she's a grown-up transgender Arnold gone back in time, I do think that like Arnold, she's Jewish or at least half-Jewish. I've read several articles now by Jewish writers who praise her for being a heroic role model character with typically "Jewish" features – i.e. frizzy red hair and a prominent hooked nose – too often reserved for nerds or villains. (And who complain that the reboot, The Magic School Bus Rides Again, replaces her with her sister, whose looks comply more with Waspy beauty standards.) While you can't know someone's ethnicity just from stereotypical features, the fact that so many Jewish viewers proudly claim her as one of their own makes me glad to do the same.

Unpopular opinion: I don't think I have one.

Song I associate with them: The show's theme song.

Favorite picture of them:

Two from Bruce Degen's original book illustrations:

And from the cartoon series:

[thewebcomicsreview]

Lets start simple. Inventory. What other assets do you have to kill a super-wizard with?

Kaila was yelling at Luka, which he was used to. She always complained when there was work. He tuned her out to focus on the mission. Kaila, always smug about her own magical talents, tended to over-state the dangers of wizards, but this was still going to be far more challenging than any hit they’d ever done.

It would help if they had better gear and equipment. He only really had one gun, a Whitefeather 53 rifle that was good for sniping but only shot bullets. Kaila’s magic, like Kaila herself, was flashy and confusing and usually useless. She could dazzle, and force people out of cover sometimes, but nothing she could do magically was worth mentioning against a full-bore wizard. Her Cyberkatana didn’t do it’s previous owner any good, and neither of them really knew how to use it anyway. Luka had tried cutting watermelons with it and all it did was set him up with a trial account on Date/Stay Night, and neither the app nor the blade had gotten him any melons. Really his rifle was the only thing he could count on.

Well, that and time. The advance was enough to live off for the mission and have a little left over for new equipment. Luka tried to figure out what equipment would be useful against a wizard. Bombs, maybe? Kill the wizard in one attack before he could fireball or teleport or some other bullshit.

“He’s going to turn our souls inside-out”, said Kaila. Luka didn’t even know what that meant, so he ignored it. They could also hire some help. A professional would want a full share of the bounty, but they could maybe find a moron. Most people underrated morons, but they could be a powerful weapon used properly, and they usually got themselves killed before payroll. Maybe you could strap a bomb to a moron? Hm. That’d be a difficult sell, and a little ethically dubious. Maybe they could strap a bomb to a dog?

“You’re not even listening to me, are you?” said Kaila. It was a fair accusation. Luka turned to her and smiled his most assuring smile. “Have a little faith. Unus gradus, deinde ad astra”

Jesus Christ he was doing Latin. This was worse than she thought. Kaila buried her face in her hands, but her argument was cut off by the arrival of the Silver Line SuperTransit Hovertrolley, more colloquially known as the bus. When the big transit upgrade happened, all the budget was spent up in Watertown, and all that was left for Branson was the new signs. The busses down here didn't even hover, and were notorious for randomly catching fire, which to be fair was as much the mages' fault as it was the city's.

Kaila grabbed one of the few empty seats, put her backpack on the seat next to her, and her feet up on the seat in front of her. She knew Luka was going to stand either way, but was important to demonstrate petty rebellion here.

"Skcsshzshhxokcshhsh", said the bus intercom. Several passengers groaned at the news. An ad came on the screens above the seats, but immediately crashed before anyone could even tell what it was an ad for. Wasted money for the corporation. Kaila was a little jealous she wasn’t as punk anti-capitalist as underfunded mass transit adware, and distracted herself from her thoughts by casting little lightning bolts back and forth between her hands. Magic was illegal on public transit, but cops were too rich to ride a bus, so they were the safest place to practice. She tried to get the little bolt to go around her finger, but she just zapped the tip. Ow. Again. Ow. Again. Focus.

Kaila wasn’t really a mage, she couldn’t pass the exams, but her magic was still the only tool they had. Luka’s rifle, like Luka himself, was reliable but one-dimensional. He couldn’t shoot someone hiding behind cover. It was usually up to Kaila to smoke them out. Simple grade-school hexes like bugs and spiders worked surprisingly well at scaring dumb adrenaline-pumped gangsters into walking in front of Luka’s gun, but a real wizard wasn’t going to fall for cheap mind tricks like that. She had a few months to study on spells, find the right trick to let her get within cyberkatana distance. Easier said than done.

_____

INPUT COMMAND

==>

[elamarth-calmagol]

Tumblr just ate the rant I spent a half hour on, so I'm going to try to reconstruct it.

The old Magic School Bus had more layers than the new one. You didn't just learn about science! You also learned a character lesson, like being persistent or not believing things without evidence. Ms. Frizzle was always quoting funnily-named relatives and singing parodies of well-known songs, which actually makes it funnier to watch as an adult because you get all the jokes now. The kids were all color-coded and had catchphrases (though it took Tim two seasons to get one). A few episodes parodied other genres, like 50s monster movies in Spins a Web and Star Trek in Out of this World.

To be fair, I don't think I watched the third season of Rides Again, and it's been a few years, but I felt like there was way less in the way of catchphrases, and I don't remember any parody songs or punny names from the Frizzles. As I remember, The Good, the Bad, and the Gnocci (a literal spaghetti western about simple machines and working together) was the only episode that felt like old Magic School Bus. The rest were as flat and shallow as the animation. And don't get me started on how the old Frizzle always knew exactly what was going on and the new one is going to get a kid killed one of these days.

But the worst thing is what Rides Again did to Phoebe and Wanda. So they decided to add a new character, Jyoti, who is a gadget-obsessed Indian girl, which is great (though personally I'd have wanted her to be Muslim because of Islamophobia in the US). To fit her in, they decided to take out an old character, which is... lazy. There can be nine kids. They decided to take out Phoebe, which is not bad on the surface, but they obviously only picked her because they decided that they had enough white characters and one was disposable. Which I don't say out of some "uwu white people are so oppressed" BS, but because they turned Wanda into Phoebe 2.0, which is completely unforgivable.

They took the class tomboy, thrill seeking, often mean, "weaselly wimps" character and turned her into the feminine, shy, "save the baby animals" character. Look at this: the original Wanda had hair that curved under her head -- really obvious in this image where she's leaning to the side and the tips of her hair are still curved the other way.

But new Wanda has the outward hair flip and the headband from Phoebe (and a really boring color scheme).

Look, there's nothing wrong with Phoebe. She was probably the character I most identified with as a kid. But she is literally the opposite of Wanda. I would have been less offended if they'd made Keisha into Phoebe than Wanda! Why can't girls have a tomboy to project onto? They basically decided they didn't want Wanda anymore, but they still wanted their (nominally) East Asian character, so they took Wanda's name and race (in as much as Rides Again has races) and absolutely nothing else. And then there's the eyelashes... apparently you can't tell if someone is a girl without eyelashes.

It was a great idea to remake Magic School bus with updated science. But it was executed terribly. To me, old Magic School Bus is one of the best kids' TV shows ever, but the new one is just another show, and it kinda sucks.

They De-Tumblrized Ms. Frizzle

[o-kaythislooksbad]

ailesswhumptober day 25: humiliation / betrayal / "how could you?!"

chapter 4 / 7 of i'm too close to breaking | rated t, chose not to warn

roni, the one bright shining star in an otherwise dark sky of confusion, has just burned out. grid's played and replayed the footage a dozen times already, and vic's scanned enough of the crime scene photos and lab reports to know that roni is the one systematically picking off the corporate patrons behind her injuries and botched surgeries.

she picks up her phone on the first ring, cheerfully wishing him a good morning. 

"cut the crap, roni. i saw what you did."

there's silence on the other line for a few seconds, then she sighs and replies, "and you're gonna tell me that revenge is stupid, and i should've waited for the legal system to catch up with these guys? grow up, vic."

"that's not what i was going to say."

"no?" she asks, and he can practically see her folding her arms across her chest. "then what, vic, 'cause you weren't calling to be nice."

"i…" vic trails off, because she's right. anything he'd say would be mean-spirited, even though his frustration isn't really at roni.

"you know what, i'm not doing this with you right now. i'll send you rendezvous and we can meet tonight, if you still want to hang out with a lowlife like me."

--

the park is almost empty, and whatever pretense of a calm conversation quickly dissipates as vic's anger bursts out of him. 

"i don't get it, roni. how could you?!" 

"easily," roni shrugs. she grins as she rolls her shoulders again. "look, i can move again, thanks to that weird-ass jello from the painting bug things. i was dying, now i'm not, and all the bastards who tried to prove their strength by killing me are learning that karma's a bitch."

"scants," vic replies, because the details matter. "the scants and their uma jelly from the white space. and i'm talking about the way you killed those men in cold blood, not that janky magic school bus ride we took while we were drugged."

roni scoffs. "see, this is what i mean. you care so much about all these technicalities that you ignore the realities right in front of your face. they were far from innocent, vic, and we both know it. the only difference is that i know myself enough to know what needs to be done about them. besides, how is this any different from what you do with the justice league rejects?"

"well, for one thing, we don't go after ordinary people."

"batman and the others sure as hell do. every week there's new footage of robin and his own sidekicks whupping ass and breaking legs. you wanna tell me they only hit metahumans and freaky creatures from the unknown?" 

"no, but those are criminals!" 

"and so were the men in those boardrooms! you think that a fine-tailored suit and some shiny shoes make them immune from behaving badly?"

"this is not who you are," vic says, changing tactics. he knows he's wrong while desperately hoping there's a shot at him being right, of them finding a middle ground. 

roni shakes her head, smiling sadly. "i was honest with you from the start."

"about who you were."

"no, vic. about who i am. i do what i have to do to get by in this world, and i was doing just fine before you showed up. not to mention that you're hands aren't exactly clean, either, or have you forgotten that your precious star labs and caulder robotics were involved in making both our cybernetics?"

vic stares at roni. how can she possibly compare their enhancements? she chose to join the military, to join a black ops division; she knew what she was doing. he had no choice in the matter at all, and didn't even know that having a body like his was possible until he woke up in it.

"oh, don't you give me that look. for all of your smarts, you sure can be a dumb-ass sometimes. and if you even think about trying to stop me, or turning me over to the cops, you're gonna get your dumb ass handed to you." 

---

vic takes the long way back to the manor, running miles to a random gas station before calling a cab to drop him off at another one, then running again. he loses track of where he is by the fifth gas station, but grid is still monitoring his every movement, so it doesn't matter. it's not like he's in a rush to get back, either.

the sex ghosts are still randomly fucking around the place, niles apparently took a spaceship to track down dorothy and cliff, who are, as far as vic knows, currently at a county fair and not on the goddamn moon, while rita waltzes up and down the staircase rehearsing the single line she has in the community theater's play villainizing their team. larry had initiated a group call earlier this morning, saying something about being the girl's babysitter for a little while longer, whatever that means, and that they won't be back for at least another day unless flit changes her mind. 

the fact that all of those sentences actually make sense to him propels vic forward. he can't outrun the nonsense of his life, but he sure as hell can use it to help him train, to help him be better at whatever it is he wants cyborg to stand for. roni was right about them being much more alike than apart, and he hates himself for ignoring her until now. 

"incoming call from manor, comma doom," grid announces. "do you wish to connect?"

"fine," he replies, slowing to a jog, and is immediately overwhelmed by the sounds of robotic chaos. "hello? what the hell is going on over there?"

"oh, thank goodness! vic, you must come back here at once! cliff insisted on bringing back a collection of awful - "

"- excuse you, miss prim and proper, these guys are delightful! ouch! the fucker bit me! - "

" - things from the carnival, some sort of battery-powered nightmare creatures."

"and what, exactly, do you want me to do about it?" vic doesn't bother hiding his frustration. "c'mon, beekeeper, it's time to prove you got what it takes."

something shatters in the background, prompting dorothy to screech and cliff to swear up a storm. 

"what?"

"you heard me, rita. you wanted this," vic reminds her. "being your own hero means figuring these things out for yourself. grid, disconnect." 

he runs past a couple arguing, past someone with a hand inching towards a stranger's bag, past someone who definitely looks like they're about to snap, but he doesn't slow down. he doesn't stop or look back, but he doesn't stop hating himself, either.

[dnschmidt]

Danny Dragonfly And The Impossible Dream

Danny Dragonfly had always loved knights and castles. One day, his mother took him to see a movie called "The Green Sword." It was all about a brave Grasshopper knight in green armor battling a dragon! When Danny's mother took him home, he said, "I know what I want to do with my life."

"You want to be a knight?" his mother asked, smiling.

"No, a dragon!"

She laughed gently, shaking her head. "Honey, I know our name is Dragonfly, but we're just insects. We can't be dragons. Dragons aren't real."

But Danny didn't listen. The whole ride home, he took in deep breaths and exhaled as hard as he could. But no matter how he tried, there was no fire. And a good thing, too. A fire inside a car would have been dangerous.

When they got home, Danny went to play outside. He stood in his front yard, taking in deep breaths, and exhaling them at the big oak tree. Still, no fire. And a good thing, too. His parents loved that oak tree and didn't want it burned down.

The mailman, a chubby pill bug, came walking down the street, whistling a little song. He saw Danny blowing and glaring at the tree and asked what he was doing. Danny stood up tall with his hands on his hips and said, "I'm trying to become a fire-breathing dragon!"

The mailman laughed. He pointed at the stack of envelopes in his hand. "Your name may be Dragonfly, but you're not a dragon. We're just insects. Dragons aren't real, kid!"

But Danny kept trying.

The next day, Danny was at recess, sitting by himself. He was taking in deep breaths and exhaling at the soccer field. Again, no fire! And a good thing, too. The kids loved playing soccer, and didn't want to see their field burned down.

The school bully, Mike Mantis, saw Danny pursing his lips and blowing. Mike had seen the movie, too. He realized Danny was trying to breathe fire. Mike punched Danny in the shoulder. "Hey, dummy! You're just a bug, not a dragon!" Mike pushed Danny down, knocking him into the mud. He walked away, laughing.

But Danny didn't give up. He knew impossible dreams were the only ones worth having. He kept trying anyway. Even though the other kids laughed and his teachers got mad, he kept trying to breathe fire all through school. He even kept trying on the bus ride home, and the walk back to his door. It would work one day! He just knew it!

Weeks later, after constant attempts, Danny still wasn't a dragon. He stared out his window at the night sky. He saw a falling star! He made a wish, closing his eyes and begging the star to transform him into a mighty dragon. But when he opened his eyes, he was still just a bug. Maybe magic wasn't real.

"I know it will work," he whispered. "I just have to keep trying." He made a promise to himself that he would keep up his fire-breathing practice, no matter how long it took.

The next morning, Danny woke up on the floor. He looked around and realized he had grown too big to fit in his bed. He wasn't an insect anymore. He was a dragon. A real, live, fire-breathing dragon! He stretched and stood, his head bursting through the ceiling.

His mother came in to see what the noise was. "Oh, Danny, is that you?"

"You never believed in me!" Danny said. He opened his new dragon mouth wide, showing off his huge, glistening fangs, and gobbled her up in one big bite.

He reached up with his new claws and tore a huge hole in the ceiling. He stretched his new, leathery wings and soared into the sky.

He found the mailman's house and ripped a hole in the roof. The mailman stared. "Danny, is that you?"

"You never believed in me!" Danny said. He picked up the mailman and swatted him with his tail, knocking him into the air like a ping pong ball. The mailman sailed away, never to be seen again.

Danny flew to school. He hid behind a cloud, waiting for his classmates to arrive. When he saw Mike, Danny swooped down and exhaled a huge, beautiful cone of orange and blue fire. Where Mike once stood was only a pile of dust. "Who's just a bug now?" Danny laughed. The other kids cheered, knowing they would never be bullied again.

Danny flew off to the mountains. He found a cave to live in, and slept on a huge horde of gold. Well, not real gold. It was those chocolate coins wrapped in gold foil. But still, it was a pretty good start.

As Danny learned, never give up on your dreams. Don't try to take shortcuts. Keep trying, even when the world says you will never have the one thing your heart desires. If you work hard and believe in yourself, one day, you might just become big and powerful enough to destroy all those who once stood in your way.

[dear-ao3]

please let this be a normal race weekend 🫣

with f1? NO WAY ‼️

today is march 9, 2024 and welcome aboard the magic school bus f1 ride, saudi arabia edition. we’ve got lots to cover, as you probably can imagine.

starting once again, as always, with red bull. which continues to be. as the kids would say. a shit show.

let’s review:

-horner gets accused of Something involving “inappropriate workplace behavior” with a female employee

-these accusations get leaked to the press

-results in an internal investigation

-everyone ever tells horner to resign but he’s adamant he didn’t do anything wrong and doesn’t

-the internal investigation clears horner of all charges

-someone leaks a google drive to the press and various other people that allegedly has evidence against horner in it

-no one publishes said drive because they will get sued

-helmut marko reveals that max has exit clauses in his contract, one of which is that max can leave if the car isn’t performing and supposedly there is another that says he can leave if helmut marko leaves

-jos verstappen reportedly says that max will not be staying with red bull if horner doesn’t leave

-jos was also seen talking to toto wolff in the paddock in bahrain last weekend and when asked about max going to mercedes, toto said “anything is possible”

and now, onto this weeks drama:

-max dismissed rumors that he would be going to mercedes next year, saying that he has no intention of leaving because he likes red bull and everything that they have done for him

-he was asked if he would stay if helmut left red bull, and he said that things would have to get very silly for helmut to leave but he would see

-not too many days later, low and behold, one helmut marko said that there was a good chance he could be suspended from the team amid all the controversies

-at the same time it was also announced that the female employee who made by he accusations against horner was also suspended on full pay

-max came out and said that if helmut leaves he cannot continue with red bull

-but then hemut said that he was confirmed staying

so. it’s a shit show as per the absolute usual.

now, since horner and everyone else at red bull is kind of saying as little as humanly possible about this, the media have turned to the other drivers to speak to to get some good juicy headlines.

the problem with this is that the other drivers really don’t know what’s going on at all. they know just about as much as the rest of us, which is basically nothing. that and, clearly none of them want to be interrogated about this.

the responses all fall into basically the same two categories: calling for more transparency and this isn’t really my issue but it shouldn’t be happening.

now though, this is not nearly enough of a juicy headline for the media. so some outlets decided to paraphrase, cut and splice or just plain make up what the drivers responses have been. (which i dont think a lot of people have realized is what is going on. there of course have been some people who have wholly supported horner (like checo) but most of them seem to be like. theres better things to be asking me about but of course this shouldn't be happening)

it’s happened to a good chunk of people, seemingly just to stir the pot and make people look bad.

take lando, for example.

one news source (i do not remember which one) quoted him as saying this:

but it would seem that that news source actually has no proof of him saying that and would further seem that they cut and splinted together what he actually said (below) to make him look bad:

a similar thing happened to charles leclerc who was asked something about the situation in french, something along the lines of "how will ferrari benefit from the red bull situation" and he kind of just ignored it and started rambling about the car (supposedly, i dont actually speak french) but he was paraphrased or translated badly (or both) to make it seem like he was in support of horner.

thats just a few examples, but they were not the only ones to have this happen to them. there were drivers though, like lewis and george, who were fully calling for more transparency.

in all, it seems like most of them are equally as confused as we are and dont want to dig themselves into a mess that they know nothing about. though, it is good at some of them are calling for more transparency. a lot of people are pissed at peoples responses and i really think that they really have far more important things that actually pertain to them to be thinking about, also no one knows what the fuck happened, and when you add that to the media misquoting people and creating drama, its never a good combination.

now, someone who missed all of this media day nonsense was none other than carlos sainz. he missed media day because he didn’t feel well, came to the track the next day and did practice 1 and 2, was supposed to come the following day for practice 3 and qualifying, but was diagnosed with appendicitis and had to have emergency surgery.

now, surprisingly, this isn’t even the first time a driver has had appendicitis during a race weekend. in monza 2022 alex albon got diagnosed with appendicitis and neck de vries replaced him and ended up scoring the first williams points of the season which resulted in him getting signed to alpha tauri for the following year where he did not slay and ultimately got replaced by daniel who liam lawson then was subbed in for after he broke his hand and well, very long story short alex almost nearly died of complications, a lot of people got fired and a lot of people got hired. pretty much everything can be traced back to alex albon's appendix, somehow. and alex, predictably, was nothing short of supportive of carlos on twitter:

carlos himself is fine and doing significantly better, according to himself via instagram. and i don’t know if we have talked about this previously but carlos’s f1 nickname is smooth operator, like the song, because he will sing the song when he does well over team radio.

and in a ferrari pr video a while ago, carlos and charles told eachother their full names:

carlos found it incredibly funny that perceval is part of charles name and said it sounds like it should be a lord name. lord perceval.

and what on earth does this have to do with carlos’s appendix? well, this was his instagram story post surgery:

and then he also posted this:

which is him recreating a picture of his dad having his appendix out in 1985. man came out of emergency surgery high as hell off anesthesia and was like. ive got an idea. remember that one photo of you dad?

yeah. even in the midst of appendicitis, carlos sainz continues to be nothing short of iconic. carlos also was in the paddock for the race today, having quite literally had surgery basically 24 hours ago. although, he did aparently discharge himself from the hospital against doctors orders to be there and showed up still wearing a medical bracelet and the bandage from his iv. hes hopeful that he will be able to be back in the car for the australian gp in 2 weeks, though he has admitted that it will be fairly close on recovery time. people all over the internet are torn between outraged that carlos would refuse to give himself rest when hes Clearly being given the time to (and all the videos of him walking around the paddock were insane, hes clearly in pain and it looked like he could barely move) and impressed that he showed up to be a strategist for ferrari, watch all his friends race and also take the time to give ollie some advice (as ollie is driving his car)

now, while yes it is terrible that this happened to carlos and we do wish him a speedy recovery, we do get to see ollie bearmans f1 debut.

who is ollie bearman? well i’m glad you asked.

ollie barman is an 18 year old british f2 driver. he is the ferrari and haas reserve driver and notably this year has 6 scheduled practice sessions with haas. his name was already being thrown around as someone who could be getting a contract for f1 next year (likely at haas), but he was unexpectedly given this opportunity to show what he can do in an f1 car.

he was already in jeddah for the f2 race, and had qualified on pole position and had done the f2 sprint race when he got the call on friday morning that he needed to replace carlos (as carlos didnt actually go to the hospital until friday morning and that was when they figured out what was happening). so with a grand total of a 1 hour practice session (that was cut slightly short dude to a crash by zhou) under his belt, he was set to make his f1 debut. in a ferrari. which is positively bonkers.

now, qualifying and practice was not overly incredibly interesting (except for when charles ran over not one but two plastic bags and said "this track is just like mario kart theres plastic bags everywhere" and oscar kissed a few walls and hamilton almost smacked directly into logan sargeant during practice and zhou guanyu crashed at the end of practice three so he couldn't qualify and nico hulkenberg lost all power in his car in q2 of qualifying) so were going to mostly skip over all of that and jump right into the race cause that was where the good stuff was. here was the qualifying start order:

pole: max verstappen p2: charles leclerc p3: checo perez p4: fernando alonso p5: oscar piastri p6: lando norris p7: george russell p8: lewis hamilton p9: yuki tsunoda p10: lance stroll p11: ollie bearman p12: alex albon p13: kevin magnussen p14: daniel ricciardo p15: nico hulkenberg p16: valtteri bottas p17: esteban ocon p18: pierre gasly p19: logan sargeant p20: zhou guanyu

and so. it was lights out and away we go in jeddah, a very fast street circuit.

well, lando tried to go early. he jumped the start slightly (meaning he started before the lights went totally out) but ultimately he didnt receive a penalty for it. it did mean that he had a slower start though, which would later cost him.

also it was hilarious that he did jump the start because when he was asked in an interview the day before what his plan for starting the race was he said, very jokingly "jump the start"

immediately there were problems. as there usually are. and the problems were for our favorite little meow meows, alpine.

on the formation lap pierre gasley said over radio that he had a gear box issue (aparently the car couldn't shift past 6th gear) and ultimately he had to retire the car during the first lap. it was the first dnf of the season the grid was down to 19.

and on the 19 drivers went, around the track again and again before lance stroll crashed into a wall on lap 7. he was fine, but evidently the aston martin pit wall didnt quite understand that he was literally in the wall:

lance: "hit the wall" engineer: "ok can you bring it back lance?" lance: "no im in the fucking wall."

now this had an interesting affect on the tire strategy. see, this race is generally a one stop. meaning they box for tires one time. and lance's crash brought a safety car and a yellow flag onto the track. which shaves down the time lost during a pit stop because the cars are not going as fast.

so, even though it was very early on in the race, everyone pitted to change their tires so that they wouldn't have to later. predictably, there was a decent amount of traffic coming out of the pitlane and checo cut fernando off pretty spectacularly, almost causing an accident. this got him a 5 second time penalty.

everyone except for lando, lewis, nico and zhou.

now hamilton was not pleased that he was staying out. and lando wasnt overly pleased with it either. under the safety car he ended up in p1 ahead of max and was told to not stress the tires but try to keep his position for as long as he could. (which was kind of impossible because he had none other than max verstappen behind him, hungry for yet another victory). it was speculated that he might have been told this so that oscar could get as close to the front as possible with lando holding max up for a little.

so with the safety car ending the standings were:

p1: lando norris p2: max verstappen p3: lewis hamilton p4: checo perez p5: charles leclerc p6: oscar piastri p7: fernando alonso p8: nico hulkenberg p9: george russell p10: zhou guanyu p11: yuki tsunoda p12: ollie bearman p13: kevin magnussen p14: alex albon p15: esteban ocon p16: valtteri bottas p17: logan sargeant p18: daniel ricciardo

and off our 18 drivers went.

lando managed to stay more than a second in front of max for quite a few laps, which was good because it prevented max from getting drs and passing everyone by 20 seconds.

down in the mid field on lap 11 kevin magnussen cut off alex alboon while fighting for p11 and damaged alex's front wing. 2 laps later kevin magnussen said that he thought he might have floor damage, regardless, he stayed out.

and then he was given a 10 second time penalty for causing a collision with alex albon. not a good day to be kevin magnussen.

also on lap 13 max passed lando, retaking the lead of the race.

and on lap 14 one ollie bearman passed zhou guanyu, taking 10th position and putting himself into the points for his first ever f1 race (and lets remind everyone that he had barely 2 hours in the car prior to the race)

leclerc was able to overtake hamilton on lap 15, as leclerc had fresher tires. this began the start of an intense battle between oscar and lewis hamilton for 5th position. on lap 18 oscar tried to pass him, but ended up going wide into the runoff area and had to give the position back (otherwise he would have gotten a penalty). the fight between oscar and hamilton though revealed that mclaren had kind of shit drs (drag reduction system. basically when you are within 1 second of the car in front of you you can open the back wing of the car and get an extra 20kph per hour. oscar's mclaren was only getting an extra 13 kph with the drs)

meanwhile, perez overtook lando on lap 18, pushing lando down into 3rd position (and still on older tires)

ollie bearman was hot on nico hulkenberg's tail for 9th position, he tried to overtake him multiple times before getting frustrated and saying "mate, he's so slow" over the team radio. he was finally able to complete the overtake on lap 21

then, the 10 second penalties were not over for one kevin magnussen because he overtook yuki while going off the track (again!) and was given yet another 10 second penalty. which would weirdly come in very useful for haas pretty soon.

but first, back up in 5th and 6th oscar and lewis were still fighting it out. hamilton changed the line of his braking on lap 25 (not allowed! because it could cause an accident) and the mclaren pit wall, who were annoyed that oscar had been stuck behind hamilton for so long, reported it up to the stewards. the stewards ultimately didnt do anything with it though, much to their general chagrin and the battle continued.

speaking of mclaren, lando was still barely holding onto p3, with charles leclerc less than a second behind him. and it was lap 26, more than halfway through the race. and he still hadn't changed his tires. in the middle of him trying to defend against charles, his engineer radioed him to say "hey mate, we're probably going to go for something like the germany situation." and lando responded something to the nature of "all good mate just give me a second here i gotta push"

basically british for, buddy shut the hell up im busy.

reguardless, he was still passed by charles on the next lap.

now, lets shift back to the mid field because there was something very, very interesting going on just out of the points. a real fight for the ages was taking place between kevin magnussen and basically everyone else.

magnussen was running in 12th position. zhou was in front of him in 11 (and also still had to pit) and nico was just holding onto 10th, the last points position. but, nico still had to pit. and while there was some space between nico and kevin, it was not nearly enough to keep kevin safe from reentering back into a load of traffic after he pitted.

basically, kevin needed to keep everyone behind him and widen the gap between the back of the grid and nico to keep nico in a point scoring position.

and that is exactly what he did.

kevin already had a 20 second time penalty so he knew he was going to be coming in close to last at this point, it was not about his race, it was all about maximizing the teams outcome. and kevin had, yuki, esteban, alex and logan all just a wee bit behind him (when i say wee bit i mean they were all less than a second off of eachother) with daniel and bottas further back. his work was rightfully cut out for him.

on lap 30 yuki managed to get past kevin, but kevin managed to pass him again, regaining 12th position and keeping nico safe. he had to go a little off the track (again) to do so, but he already had time penalties out the wazoo and probably didnt really care too much. yuki did care though and said "what dangerous driving" over the radio.

but kevin kept at it. as it stood at lap 30 there was a 17 second gap between nico hulkenberg and kevin, and the total time for a pit stop was 23 seconds, so he still had some work to do.

and while he was working on that, lando norris was still running up in 4th position. still yet to pit. on lap 32 his race engineer said "ive got a question for you. at some point we are going to have to go back to plan a and then get back through all these cars. is that possible?" meaning that he was going to need to pit for tires and would he have enough time and speed to get back through everyone to try and retake 4th spot.

lando said "yes, but we should pit as late as possible." in order to give him the most time to build a gap between himself and the rest of the grid to minimize the work that he would have to do after coming out of the pit lane.

by lap 33 kevin magnussen had increased the gap between nico and himself to 21 seconds by barely using any of his electric battery power on the turns and then going flat out on the straights (as the haas had a fuck ton of straight line speed and the track itself was mostly straights). and in the words of martin brundle "magnussen is utterly destroying the race for all these cars" behind him. and he was.

nico pitted on lap 34. and he came out in 11th, 10 seconds behind zhou (who still had not pitted and would not be a problem for haas especially with kevin still managing to keep everyone behind him)

back up at the front, oscar tried once again to pass hamilton on lap 35, but went wide and had to go into the runoff yet Again, ending up having to give back the place Again. but he did come close to passing him and he did, as crofty said, "finally saw the light at the end of the mercedes rear wing tunnel that hes been staring at"

the next time oscar was ready to overtake him, hamilton pitted for softs. putting oscar in p4.

also boxing for softs was one lando norris on lap 38, and despite the slow stop, he was still able to come out just ahead of hamilton and behind ollie in 8th position.

thus started a civil war between lando and lewis. hamilton was with a few seconds of lando, who was a solid 6 seconds behind ollie. hamilton went fastest lap on lap 39, getting closer to lando, who didnt have a whole lot of straight line speed in the mclaren. lando got a black and white flag (a warning for track limits and general unsafe driving) on lap 41, still trying to keep hamilton behind him. he was trying to get ahead of ollie, and the striking distance to do so would be on lap 46, but in order to do that he would have to keep Hamilton behind him.

in the meantime, zhou had an absolutely awful pit stop, firmly planting him at the back of the grid while nico took p10 for haas. kevin was behind still managing to keep all the others at bay. talk about float like a cadillac sting like a beamer.

on lap 45 ollie's engineer radioed to tell him "norris is fighting with his tires and with hamilton now we can do it" as in stay in p7. and he did.

and to close out the race daniel ricciardo spun out on lap 49, but managed to correct himself to finish the race.

and with that. our remaining 18 drivers took the checkered flag in the following order:

p1: max verstappen p2: checo perez p3: charles leclerc p4: oscar piastri p5: fernando alonso p6: george russell p7: ollie bearman p8: lando norris p9: lewis hamilton p10: nico hulkenberg p11: alex albon p12: kevin magnussen p13: esteban ocon p14: logan sargeant p15: yuki tsunoda p16: daniel ricciardo p17: valtteri bottas p18: zhou guanyu DNF: lance stroll DNF: pierre gasley

so max got his 100th podium, ollie got his first points and f1 debut and all in all it was a good day for f1. unless you were lance or pierre. or yuki, who got a 5 second penalty post race for cutting lando off in the pit lane.

ollie was congratulated by pretty much everyone, by drivers on the cool down lap, by george and lewis right after he got out of the car, by other teams, by drivers in there post race interviews, by carlos on his instagram story. overwhelming support. several said that its only a matter of time before hes on the grid. wonderful to see.

and rightfully so! he had basically one hour of practice in an f1 car, missed out on q3 by literally only .036 of a second and came in p7 beating BOTH lando and lewis. and he has 6 f1 points and is 10th in the standings right now (doesnt matter cause hes not an f1 driver but still!!)

onto a sampling of the media this week!

-george russell cut through the williams garage for funnies and was like "??? oh?? is this the wrong garage"

-williams continues to dunk on oscar being bad at paddle. oscar continues to side eye them. there has been a paddle match proposed to occur between lando and oscar against alex and logan

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Williams Racing (@williamsracing)

-mclaren showed their support of ollie taking carlos's spot for this weekend by saying that oscar would not be the youngest on the grid anymore (true) (they also whipped out the timeline of Fernando alonso's career again and pointed out that when ollie was born fernando was winning a first world championship)

-lando was asked about his winter break again and what he did with daniel in australia. aparently they made eggs. terribly.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by The Fast And The Curious (@fastcuriouspod)

-someone at the fan stage offered to adopt oscar. he said "i am not up for adoption unfortunately, but thank you."

-alex albon called logan sargeant a frat boy. logan agreed.

-the cameras kept cutting to ollies dad in the ferrari garage during the race and he looked, rightfully scared out of his mind:

jack doohan, the alpine test and reserve driver, said during the post race show that he thought that ollies dad was on screen more than max was (jack was correct)

-lando posted support for carlos calling him both "broski" and "matey 🫶"

-oscar posted on his instagram story after the race that he is now an "expert in the mercedes rear wing" after spending so much time staring at it during the race.

-and lastly, ferrari posted this video of charles and carlos earlier in the week where charles manages to be the funniest person:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Scuderia Ferrari (@scuderiaferrari)

and thats all from me. see you all in 'straylia mate

Sorry i tried to scroll past but, i know nothing about f1 other than max verstappen is fast, my dad doesnt like lewis hamilton, fast car goes in a loop and sometimes expodes. Could you give me a crash course in f1 drama? Im very intrigued. Whats the tea as it were?

a terribly loaded question, but i will do my best. i’ve talked about some of the drama before like the red bull second seat and the chronicles of haas but allow me to briefly try my hand at explaining the nightmare that is the upcoming silly season

under the cut we go

silly season is when the drivers go through contract renewals, extensions and switches. usually it’s confined to the first half of the season (march-july) but it has been known to extend all the way to the last race of the season and they like to switch people around at random sometimes. driver contracts are complex, there’s a lot of money involved and basically You Are The Face Of The Team so if you have a shit season then you make the team look bad. but at the same time you could have a shit season because you have a shit car. it’s sticky stuff.

so. there are only twenty seats in formula 1. 10 teams. each team gets two drivers. (there’s also reserve drivers but we’re not going to get into that). who ends up with a contract is largely up to the teams, they can pull the contract out from under people they can also cut you mid season. they’ve done it before.

of the 20 drivers on the grid, 14 of them have contracts expiring at the end of the year. yes. 14. you see how this could get complicated.

so let’s meet the teams.

red bull racing. they came first this year (and last year) in the championship. like aggressively first. like they won the championship by over 350 points. they are definitely the team to beat. but if you end up with a seat at red bull, you do have to deal with max verstappen being your teammate and he won all but three of the races last year. he’s the golden boy. red bull are also notoriously silly when it comes to contracts and famously swap people mid season who aren’t performing.

mercedes. merc is home to 7 time world champion lewis hamilton and they have won the championship a great many times, though not since 2021. they are kind of in their flop arc and their car the last 2 years has been pretty garbage, but they have still made it work because they were able to come in second last year.

ferrari. god help the poor little meow meows with a ferrari contract. ferrari is a notoriously great team and they’re trying to get back to the top again but their strategy every single time has fallen short. to the point where their drivers are the ones doing the strategy in their cars while driving. they came in third last year and have been decently consistent at getting first in qualifying and then getting beat by max verstappen on race day.

mclaren. they’ve definitely worked their way up over recent years. they ended fourth last year and have had some championship wins before but not nearly as many as say merc and ferrari. their team ceo (owner? director?) is a little interesting and their car started out a pile of flaming hot garbage at the beginning of the year but they did manage to get their shit together.

aston martin. they are owned by canadian billionaire lawrence stroll, father of lance stroll (one of the drivers for the team). they’ve undergone several name changes over the recent years (force india, racing point, etc). they positively slayed at the start of the season and then one day they sucked. they finished fifth in the championship.

alpine. the frenchest french team. they’re (i think?) still partially owned by the french government. both of their drivers are french. (their drivers also hate eachother but we’ll get to that. just know they’re in the middle of a modern french civil war). they had the opportunity to have a good rookie driver (oscar piastri) this past year but in a thrilling twitter battle, he publically flamed the shit out of them and went to mclaren instead (and slayed). they're usually solidly middle of the pack. they ended sixth in the championship.

williams. williams has been one of the back of the grid teams for the last many years but they have finally started to get their shit together and don’t quite suck as much as they used to. all of the points this year were scored by only one driver though (except one but we’ll get there). they came in seventh.

alpha tauri. they are the sister team of red bull. so technically redbull owns both teams (meaning they can swap drivers between teams. they like doing this.) they’ve just kind of been There for awhile but they did slay towards the end of the season when one of their drivers led the race for several laps. basically tho, this team is the gateway to redbull. they came in eighth.

alpha romeo. recently renamed to stake f1 team (but sometimes they are going to be called kick sauber. this is a whole other drama post and i’m not getting into it). they’re also just kind of there. generally unproblematic. seems that really great drivers who get ixed out of a contract for a younger driver end up here or young drivers who are in their early years are here before they go to a better team. they ended ninth this year.

haas. oh haas. goofy team. they suck. point blank they suck. they keep loosing sponsors because they suck, they don’t win ever (one time they came first in qualifying last year). they cursed themselves in australia in 2018 by not tightening their tires and its been downhill ever since. they came 10th. their team principle got let go (fired?) who’s to say today.

so those are the teams. it is important to note that:

-there is a cost cap. each team is allowed to spend no more than 135m per year.

-not all cars are equal. some things are standard. they all undergo the same testing. but the cars are all very different. so you can be a good driver but stuck in a shitty car. which makes it impressive if you are doing well in a shitty car.

let’s meet our drivers!!!

starting with the guys who’s contract is not ending in 2024:

max verstappen. 3 time world champion. 26 years old. general beast on the track. he dominated the whole season. he’s currently racing for red bull and has a contract with them through 2028.

lewis hamilton. 7 time world champion. 39 years old. he drives for mercedes. he will not leave mercedes until he retires. he really really wants to win an 8th world championship and is willing to stick it out a few more years as long as merc still believes in him. his contract expires in 2025.

george russell. the other merc driver. 26 years old. hes aggressively british and says thinks like blimey unironically. walking meme. got his merc seat in 2022 right when they entered their flop arc by getting his tractor of a williams to finish second in qualifying in the middle of a rainstorm. his contract expires in 2025.

lando norris. mclaren driver. 24 years old. he has notably never won a race in his five years of formula one (mostly because right when his car finally was good enough max verstappen was 20 seconds ahead of anyone) but he is regarded as Very Good. he has only ever driven for mclaren. and even though there is another year left on his contract there is mass speculation that he will not renew his contract with mclaren after it expires and he may move up to one of the top teams (red bull, merc, ferrari) (tho i think he doesnt hate himself quite enough to go to ferrari). his contract expires in 2025.

oscar piastri. the other mclaren driver. 22 years old. this was his rookie season and he positively slayed. like people compared his rookie season to lewis hamiltons rookie season. he also had the positively funniest start to his rookie year because alpine announced that he would be driving for them (he had been their reserve driver and in the alpine academy) and he posted a tweet that basically said yeah thats false i never singed anything with you and im going to race with mclaren instead (he dodged a bullet) and then alpine tried and failed to sue him for $4m USD. he signed a contract extension with mclaren this year and his contract expires in 2026.

lance stroll. aston martin driver and son of the aston martin owner. hes doing ok, tho there was conspiracy that he wanted to quit and have a tennis career awhile ago. but basically since his dad owns the team it seems that hes guaranteed a seat for as long as he wants one.

so now. moving onto the good shit. the people who have contracts expiring in 2024. hold onto your hats people.

charles leclerc. (everyones favorite slutty little soup can). 26 years old. he is currently at ferrari and he has been since 2019. notably, he was given the longest contract in the history of ferrari after a stellar rookie season at sauber (renamed to alpha romeo, renamed to stake f1) where he got the tractor of a car consistently into the points. having the longest contract in the history of ferrari was a flex at the time, but now its likely how he will introduce himself at therapy sessions. ferrari have fucked this man left right and center up the ass with a plastic lunchroom spork. hes talented, he can drive, and he can drive well. but the strategy that ferrari has absolutely sucks. either something is wrong with the car (see him blowing out his gear box on the formation lap in monaco, his car completely crapping out and spinning into the barrier in brazil before the race even started) or they fuck up his pit stops or put him on the wrong tires and honestly its just frustrating. but will he leave??? likely not. you'd have to pry ferrari out of his cold dead hands and at this rate that might be where this is headed though there has been some minor speculation of him going to another team like merc or red bull, but merc doesnt have any open seats and red bull is a whole other dumpster fire of drama. ferrari are going to have to pay him a boatload of money to make him stay.

carlos sainz. the smooth operator. 29 years old. ferrari driver. previously carlos was at toro rosso (renamed to alpha tauri), renault (renamed to alpine), and mclaren before signing with ferrari. he has been at ferrari since 2021 and has voiced that he would like to stay with them for however long he can. there is speculation that lando might replace him at ferrari (but landos contract is not up until 2025) and there is also some speculation that alex albon might replace him. while charles is clearly the golden boy at ferrari, carlos is slightly slower but also definitely consistent. he was THE ONLY non red bull driver to win a race this past year, in Singapore after max verstappedn was knocked out of qualifying by alpha tauri reserve driver liam lawson (more on him later) and because he basically came up with his own strategy in the car while he was driving.

sergio perez. aka checo. red bull driver. 33 years old. and oh boy here's where we open the can of worms. checo was previously at racing point (renamed aston martin) and it was very near the end of the 2020 (?) season and he was out of a contract. he had a bonkers race where he was knocked to the back of the grid and then overtook everyone and somehow ended up winning (there is more to that story but just trust me) and christian horner, red bull team principle, mr ginger spice and definite disney villain called him and said congrats sir you have a seat at red bull! well. fast forward. hes been causing problems. problems as in crashing a lot, generally not doing great and pissing the crap out of red bull. it is basically guaranteed at this point that he will not be getting a contract extension. there was actually talk this year of him losing his seat mid season to one of the alpha tauri drivers, because remember, red bull owns both teams and they can switch them whenever they want to (and they have!) but ultimately this did not happen. even though checo has a seat at red bull until the end of 2024, its mass speculated that he is going to get switched with an alpha tauri driver, probably daniel ricciardo (more on him shortly) mid season because there is a speculated clause in daniels contract that says that if checo isn't performing well in the first few races daniel is getting his seat.

daniel ricciardo. 34 years old. alpha tauri driver. man oh man what a guy. outside of being the prankster of the paddock, he has one of the most batshit careers of anyone currently on the grid. he started out at red bull and was showing real talent and skill and was on track to win things (and was!) and was there until the end of 2018 when max verstappen (his teammate) started getting preferential treatment and also red bull started having a lot of problems with their engines (which were being outsourced from Renault (now alpine) and another team on the grid) and well very very long story short he made the surprise move of the century and decided to sign with Renault (which makes no sense they're the one with the engine problems) and was there for 2 years before moving again to mclaren where he was reportedly not treated very well and had a hard time driving the car so they mutually ended his contract with them early and he basically retired at the end of the 2022 season and became a red bull reserve driver. then halfway through the 2023 season alpha tauri ixed one of their drivers, nyck de vries, because he wasnt doing well and promoted daniel back up to a full time driver at alpha tauri (which we know is only a step down from red bull) but then he broke his hand in a crash in zanvort (?) and then he was replaced for a few races by formula 2 driver liam lawson (who we will also talk about) and then he came back to finish out the season in alpha tauri after he was cleared. daniel has admitted openly that he never should have left red bull and he was given bad advice to do so. hes towards the end of his career at this point and its well known that he Really Really wants to finish out his career at red bull again. he and max have already been teammates before and they do work well together and daniel is great driver (see his comeback in texas (or maybe it was brazil?) this year). so. Pretty Sure that daniels going to get either an extension at alpha tauri or go up to red bull. thats what we all want. get this man in a red bull we need him there biblically.

liam lawson. now technically liam is not actually a formula 1 driver. hes a formula 2 driver, but he was daniels replacement for five races and there has been some speculation and some confirmed news about him so hes getting included. when he was racing for f1 he was at alpha tauri. hes 21 and looks like he belongs in the movie grease. no one was expecting him to slay in formula 1 and he positively knocked everyones socks off. the scene: Singapore. which, if you'll recall, is the one race that a not red bull driver won. this was largely because liam lawson slayed the absolute game in qualifying. the qualifying part of racing determines what order the cars start in on the grid for the race and theres three parts, the first two parts the bottom 5 drivers each time get knocked out and then the top 10 complete for the last 10 spots. liam lawson knocked BOTH max verstappen and checo perez out of qualifying in the second round by going very slightly faster than them, effectively fucking up red bulls race and allowing carlos to win. and he also scored points in that race, which no one was expecting. now thats all fine and dandy, but here's the speculation: hemlut marko (im pretty sure) (who is somehow decently involved in the decision making at red bull though i couldn't tell you how) said that he thinks that liam lawson will be in an f1 seat no later than 2025. meaning that he will probably get offered a contract this year. and hes already raced for alpha tauri. red bull have sunk a good amount of money into him. they clearly want him. so if he gets offered an alpha tauri seat in 2025, that means theres a good chance danny rics is going to red bull. do you SEE how the plot here is THICKENED

yuki tsunoda. age 23. currently at alpha tauri. and fun fact, the only alpha tauri driver to race there the whole year. he had three separate team mates. he is slaying and hes often slept on. he has a bit of a temper and likes to shout on the radio and also hates working out (they had to force him to move to italy or something to work out, long story) but hes been kinda killing it. he led several laps in the abu dhabi race this year and hes decently consistent. people think theres possibility that he could get moved up to red bull on account of the fact that he is younger than daniel and clearly has more years in him,, but there is also possibility that he might not because red bull like to make stupid decisions. and if he doesnt get moved up to rebel, will he stay with alpha tauri? we don't know.

alex albon. age 27. currently a williams driver. alex albon is another one with a batshit career. he started out his rookie year in 2019 at alpha tauri then got moved up to red bull halfway through the year when red bull decided that pierre gasley wasnt doing a good enough job (more on him later) and stayed with red bull for a solid year and a half until he lost his seat in 2021 to checo. he has been with williams for the last two years and is basically carrying the team. like. williams as a team scored 28 points this year. and alex albon scored 27 of those 28 points. and as we know, williams is still kind of in their shit arc (though they are doing much better. they didnt score any points for a solid 2 (?) years. so this is an improvement.) and if you can get a shit car to perform you catch the eye of bigger teams. now, alex has already been a red bull driver. and he was on the cusp of podiuming two separate times when lewis hamilton ran into him. this (among a few other things) basically killed his chances at getting resigned at red bull because he wasnt ""performing"" and red bull are bitches who love to win. but some people think that red bull should give him another shot. like daniel, hes already been max's teammate and he can definitely drive. but theres also talk he might go to ferrari because ferrari think that he might compliment charles's driving style (or something). but going to ferrari at this point is kind of suicide. so.

logan sergeant. age 23. the only american on the grid. the other williams driver. he just finished his rookie year. he scored a grand total of one single point this season, in texas, and it was because charles leclerc and lewis hamilton both got disqualified because the floor of their car had more wear (by literally less than millimeters) than it was allowed to, bumping him up from 12th to 10th. he has never done better than alex albon. he was also the very last driver to get a contract for 2024, with williams waiting until i think december of 2023 to announce his contract extension. clearly, hes on thin ice. but people have also said that he needs time to get used to formula 1 (other people have pointed out that oscar piastri slayed his rookie season this year and this statement about needing time is largely false). where logan ends up next year though will largely depend on how well the 2024 season goes for him.

fernando alonso. 42 years old. many people like to point out that oscar piastri is actually younger than fernando's racing career. he won tiktok creator of the year (somehow) and is also a 2 time world champion. he retired a few years ago, just to show back up again and slay. during the first half of the season when aston martin had a zoom zoom car he killed it, and then they had problems on top of problems and he didnt do well. except for that one race in brazil where he came in third, beating checo by literally .05 seconds. he hasn't really made any hints about retiring a second time and he is kind of carrying aston Martin right now (he scored 205 points this season, coming in 4th and tying in points with charles leclerc, lance stroll only scored 74 points this year.) and they did have their best year yet this year. (though they are relatively new).

pierre gasley. 27 years old. french. drives for alpine. the french team. previously he raced with toro rosso (now alpha tauri), then got promoted to a red bull driver in 2019, then halfway through the season they decided he wasnt doing a good enough job and he got demoted back down to alpha tauri. then he won a race with alpha tauri just to stick it to red bull. after the great oscar piastri contract twitter war, he was signed as alpines second driver, with Esteban ocon being the other driver (more on him soon). estie bestie and pierre (both french) were childhood friends and now hate each other for unknown reasons and basically feuded on the track for most of the season. french civil war at alpine. he scored 62 points in 2023 and came in 11th. not really sure where he will end up, it is possible that he will stick it out at alpine.

esteban ocon. 27 years old. also french. currently driving for alpine. another one with a silly bonkers career. he started out at force india and had a baller few seasons there but his teammate at the time was checo, and checo didnt really cooperate with him too much and caused some drama that cost estie bestie some places and some points. max verstappen also beat him up in the garage once. thats not really relevant but it did happen. anyway, after the owner of force india was arrested for .... i don't remember what maybe it was embezzlement or bankruptcy or something money related, the team was backed by lawrence stroll and became racing point. but all of that happened mid season and lawrence was basically like look ill back you guys for now but next year my son gets a seat (lance) so one of you two (checo and estie bestie) have to go. and ultimately they let estie bestie go even though he was more consistent because checo had more sponsors and they needed money. so he was out of formula 1 for a few years (but was a merc reserve driver) and then went to Renault, which then became alpine. he did come in 12th though overall this season, just behind pierre. so. will alpine keep both him and pierre and keep the civil war going? whos to say.

nico hulkenberg. 36 years old. haas driver. in his 200+ f1 races he has never been on the podium and he really really wants to be on the podium. unfortunately this will never happen in a haas because haas fucking sucks. and everyone knows it. he is getting towards the end of his career though. though! stake f1 will become the mario Andretti and audi team in 2026 (don't question it) and they have supposedly voiced interest in nico. so we will see if he hangs on that long to end up at audi. for now tough, hes definitely hating it at haas. though, haas are going to have a different team principle next year so maybe that will change things. i have a sneaky feeling through that haas will probably end up with another 2 rookie drivers because everyone else is smart enough to not race for them.

kevin magnussen. 31 years old. haas driver. hes another deeply interesting character. he has had one podium. in his rookie season. in his first race. and none since. kevin started at haas in 2017 and then left at then end of 2020 when he basically got kicked off because the team needed money and they wanted to bring in drivers with more sponsorships. these drivers were mick schumacher and nikita mazepin. so kevin basically was forced to retire after the 2020 season. this went decently well for haas. until russia invaded ukraine right before the start of the 2022 season and, well, nikita was Russian and it was never distinctly proven that his dads company (who was sponsoring the team) wasnt also funding the invasion. so nikita got fired and they were literally like 2 weeks out from the start of the season, down a driver. who are you gonna call? kevin magnussen! and hes been back ever since. but hes clearly getting annoyed with haas. there was one great clip from this year where his car caught on fire and he kind of just stared into to, clearly hoping it would burn for a long time. so the likelihood of him extending his contract is looking slim.

valtteri bottas. 34 years old. currently a driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo, kick sauber, whatever you wanna call it). previously, he was a mercedes driver and notoriously helped lewis hamilton win a great many championships, until he lost his seat to george russell in 2022. there was a rather awkward part of the 2021 season where valtteri knew that he was out of a merc seat the following year and kind of just chose violence. he slayed. then he went to alpha romeo, grew a mullet and made a calendar of his ass. quite the glow up if you ask me. hes also very interested in cycling. honestly though, i have my own personal speculation that hes going to retire at the end of this year.

zhou guanyu. 24 years old. driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo/kick sauber, etc etc). hes doing alright. he just finished his second season, in his first season he was majorly out qualified by valtteri but this past season he managed to out qualify him a good 6 times. which is decently good for the tractor of a car hes driving. its possible that he could get a contract extension, but like logan, its probably going to depend on how the 2024 season goes for him.

and thats all the drivers. theres also a few others i didnt talk about, like some other f2 drivers who want seats and mick schumacher, who is currently a merc reserve driver, all of which could be contenders for f1 seats. but one things for sure. this is going to be the silliest fucking silly season.

feel free to add on and peer review me

[sailormoonlover-2008]

Just wanted to share some thoughts with you guys about The Magic School Bus reboot. When I first saw it, I absolutely hated it!! Now, to understand why I hated it, first you need to understand where I'm coming from and that this is my opinion. So, before the reboot came out in 2017, I was actually met with the original TV show back in 2015. It was more amazing than I ever expected it to be. Yes, the original Magic School Bus was that big of a deal to me when I was a kid. Not only did I love the original show, but I also read the Magic School Bus books. And let me just say, you would never get me to close a Magic School Bus book until I was finished with it. Fast forward maybe 3-5 years, and I start watching The Magic School Bus reboot on Netflix. Well, let's just say, at first glance, it looked like it was gonna be great. But then, tragedy struck. While I do agree that a couple new characters be added to the show, you know, to help them get accustomed to the premise of Walkerville Elementary School, what I really didn't like was how, in order to do so, Netflix made it seem like it would work if they snipped away one of the original characters. Guess who they snipped away. I'll give you 3 seconds. If you guessed Phoebe, yep, you're correct. I thought that was a very stupid move on Netflix's part. Which, EXCUSE ME NETFLIX, but the fact you added new characters, which, again is awesome, but then snipped away one of the original main characters, honestly gives me every right to be ticked off. Yeah. I know Phoebe wouldn't shut up about her old school, but I believe that's what made her unique. We got to learn a lot of about what happened at Phoebe's old school when she brings it up. That's one of the main reasons I loved her character. The other reason is because she's a lot like Fluttershy from My Little Pony. But, without the shy part. She LOVES animals and is very gentle with them. Just like Fluttershy. So, there. Plus, she's been on that ride since the beginning when the author of The Magic School Bus books, Joanna Cole, began publishing them in the middle of the 1980s. Presumably, around 1984-1985. Then, PBS made their own adaptation of the books that ran from 1994-1997 on all their PBS stations. After that, we got some Magic School Bus chapter books that would be published in 2000. The DVDs for the show became available in Autumn of 2005. And they were distributed by, holy Freddy Fazbear, Warner Bros. Heck, yeah!! Now we just need a Magic School Bus and Scooby Doo crossover. Heh heh. I'm kidding!! But, for real though!! Anywho. Brushing that idea aside. So, all in all, the original Magic School Bus was amazing!! You can't change my mind. So, then, 12 years later, we got the reboot to The Magic School Bus. The Magic School Bus Rides Again. And, it's less than stellar. I actually like the character designs. But, I wished they kept some important things like the kids ethnic features, and they still could've kept Phoebe. But, nope!! Netflix really had to go to Phoebe and fire her from the only show she's ever probably even called home. I will never ever forgive Netflix for ruining a good show. So, in conclusion, I WOULD RATHER WATCH THE ORIGINAL MAGIC SCHOOL BUS THAN WATCH THAT FAILURE OF A REBOOT!! GOOD NIGHT!!!

[hereidinathoreauwrites]

A Balanced Review of the Magic School Bus Reboot

The good, the bad, and the genuinely surprising about the Magic School Bus Rides Again.

Here we go.

First off, in the interest of full disclosure, I am a huge fan of the original. Like genuinely huge. I have all the episodes, can quote most of them, and openly promote theories that Ms. Frizzle is a Time Lord (because honestly, it’s obvious).

Second off, I have a huge gay crush on the fabulous Kate McKinnon.

But who doesn’t?

So expect these to weigh into my analysis.

Let’s start off with the good.

The Good

Fiona

From the moment I heard Kate was onboard, I knew I was going to love this character. And she did not disappoint. Fiona is exactly what she needs to be. She is Ms. Frizzle without being...well, Lily Tomlin. She still has that zest for adventure and thrills at new discoveries.

And while there is a multitude of similarities between her and Valerie (old sayings, clever wordplay, impeccably questionable fashion sense, a flair for danger) she’s decidedly different. She’s more excitable than her sister and treats her students more like peers than children she is supervising. And while she’s never quite as all-knowing as her big sister seemed to be, she knows when to talk and when to let her students suss something out on their own.

And while her past is a bit of a mystery, just like her older sister, she seems just as accomplished and well-rounded. And just as eccentric.

I mean, she literally enters the classroom through a glass ceiling on a rope attached to nothing.

She is Kate McKinnon, who is genuinely thrilled to be here and loving every minute of it. 

Sometimes she does get to be a bit much, usually when she’s too excited about a clever pun or a new discovery. But she’s not Valerie Frizzle. She’s Fiona Frizzle. And Kate does a good job of keeping just enough of the original enigma while bringing a new character who is more approachable, vulnerable, and emotional than Valerie was. Honestly, the only emotions I remember Ms. Frizzle overtly displaying on PBS were excitement and happiness.

In PBS, the kids relied on Ms. Frizzle a lot and she seemed to improvise a lot of the destinations and lessons for the day. Here, Fiona seems to already know what they need for a given day or be flexible enough to figure out a solution as they go. And unlike Valerie, who always kept a strong cloud of mystery about her and what she knew and didn’t know, Fiona makes it very clear just what she is aware of and not aware of. During the final episode, when the bus is unable to take the pressure of the ocean and things look dire, she is clearly panicking because her kids are now in danger. But she keeps resolutely chipper, trying to reassure and excite them even as her voice breaks.

And this makes sense. The kids are older in this version. At some point, there’s no reason for her to hide her knowledge and planning from them or the true scope of the danger they’re in. It isn’t going to teach them anything new, just reinforce how much more she knows. They aren’t going to freak out like they used to, instead, they will search for a solution because they’ve been in danger before and engineered their way out. She’s no longer their guide (like Valerie was), now she’s their colleague.

There is one thing I find a little off about her and that is her tendency to make sassy comments or judgments that are funny in the moment but really distinguish her from what one typically expects from a teacher. In the very first episode, she makes a comment about how dirty the boots they are examining for invasive species are and gets very high-and-mighty about it. I wouldn’t mind so much (the boots were pretty nasty) but she does this with the kids occasionally as well (she makes it obvious that she knows Arnold stole her plant in the first episode but still puts him through a lot of guilt-tripping and even some legit trauma before he finally fesses up). And while it’s good for a laugh, it seems a little harsh for an elementary school teacher. The kids dont seem to mind though so I’ll let it go.

The Class

The same class is back, which I found surprising. But smart. It would be too much work to establish an entirely new class and then introducing a new Ms. Frizzle would feel off. It would just be a remake, not a reboot.

We have 7 of the original kids here: Arnold, Ralphie, Carlos, Tim, Wanda, Dorothy Ann, and Keesha. In this reboot, Phoebe has been replaced with Jyoti, an Indian girl who is very into engineering and technology. I was originally very upset when Phoebe was replaced (she was the one I related to most in the original series) but Jyoti has earned a special place in my heart. She has her own section below.

In this version, the class is in 5th grade, which is supposed to be one year after the events of the PBS cartoon. I’ll have more thoughts on this later but for know, just know that all the kids are now 10 instead of 9 and it actually sort of works.

The kids are all really charming. Especially Ralphie (who may have eclipsed Carlos for the most laughs). Even Arnold, who I found incredibly annoying in the PBS version, was exceedingly likable here. And this was the series where he actively disrupts his new teacher’s first lesson! In the first episode, there is a great effort to make Arnold both reprehensible but also sympathetic as he resists the change Fiona brings to his life.

While their personalities seem less distinguishable at times, they still retain their characterizations. Ralphie is the lovable jock, DA the nerd (although she has swapped out her beloved pink bookbag for a Frizz-tab), Tim is the artist, Carlos the jokester, etc. Even though they retain these personalities from PBS, all of them have changed slightly, the same way you’d expect a child to change over the course of one year. Some of their traits have been updated as well for the new era this class is getting educated in (for example, DA’s tablet and their outfit changes).

The only one I have a problem with is Wanda.

We’ll get to her in the bad.

The kids are still the focus of the show: having conflicts, solving problems, making mistakes, and getting excited about science. Fiona remains as simply their guardian and enabler of their adventures. And while Kate’s performance is attention-grabbing, she doesn’t steal the spotlight from the kids. Their VAs are all pretty good and seem to have taken their own stylistic choices when bringing back these beloved characters. They keep some core similarities but give unique performances.

Jyoti Kaur

I was so excited to learn another POC had joined the kids. I was even more excited to learn that she was a southern Indian POC [for context: I myself am not of Indian heritage but I spent a semester in southern India and I admire the culture very much and made some good friends there]. She seems to have taken on both the mantle of wide-eyed newcomer (that Phoebe used to carry) and fearless adventurer in the class (that used to be Wanda’s thing...). And she fills the important role of being the gear-head for the class in this new era of technology.

She even gets one of my favorite moments in the reboot: when she’s alone with Ms. Frizzle discussing an engineering competition and we learn that the Frizzle sisters built the bus.

It’s such a powerful moment for me because Jyoti is the new kid and Fiona is the new teacher and they use this moment to bond and expand the canon of the series.

Watching her watch the bus in action is genuinely endearing. She always seems like she’s both in awe of the magic and trying to figure out how everything works. There’s a moment in the first episode where she watches Ms. Frizzle turn Carlos and Wanda into animals and gets very disappointed when she doesn’t get a turn.

This may make it seem like I have no problems with Jyoti, but unfortunately, that’s not entirely true. She has a section in “the bad” as well.

The Adventure

The series certainly didn’t pull punches when throwing people into peril.

In this reboot, we see the kids fall down two different rivers, raft a volcano, get attacked by T-cells, jump out of a plane onto a glacier, get attacked by a plant, get stalked by sharks (twice!), lose the bus (also twice!), get lost while they’re the size of atoms, almost get torn apart by a barracuda, go flying around the Earth at maximum zoom, and get stuck at the bottom of the Mariana Trench.

One thing that is different is that they don't dwell on the suspense as much as PBS did. PBS milked its commercial breaks for all they were worth, drawing out intense situations to make them feel more perilous. The reboot...doesn’t. When there is a threat, the resolution is less than 30 seconds away. There are a couple of awkward fade-outs in the middle of some episodes at tense moments but it’s not consistent and there’s not much point when there’s no ad break in the middle of a Netflix video.

This could turn into a whole critique of streaming services ruining suspense in tv writing but I’ll just make a note of it here.

The bus has also picked up some new abilities, which are utilized for these adventures. Shrinking down to the size of an atom genuinely thrilled me. I got so excited during “The Magnetic Mambo” when they just kept shrinking...and shrinking...and shrinking...!

A lot of the “new abilities” seem to include the bus’ infinite creative potential. It spits out new technology every other second, from personal vehicles to backpacks that are actually time machines, to a remote that is like a mini-bus that they only use once. I’ll discuss the bus more in the bad but it’s abilities fall solidly into the good category for me. It means new adventures and deeper dives into older adventures.

The Writing

I don’t know if the series writers are affiliated with the PBS cartoon in any way but they definitely know their stuff. The problem I have with most reboots is that they end up feeling and sounding like fanfics instead of continuations. This reboot does not. It carries just enough of the tone of the original through clever wordplay, puns, and wacky adventures while having a distinctly different look and feel.

They know where they came from but they’re not trying to return to that place.

Some of the episodes are very creative and well composed. These include Ep 1: “Frizzle of the Future” (which ingeniously uses the concept of invasive species to integrate Fiona into the MSB canon), Ep 4: “The Battle for Rock Mountain” (which uses superhero culture to teach kids about the rock cycle), and Ep 10: “The Tales Glaciers Tell” (which finally teaches kids about climate change in a way that is straightforward and as “uncontroversial” as it can be).

There are some “less good” episodes but overall, none of them were terrible. They were all funny and clever and presented their lessons well.

Nods to the original

It’s never overtly obvious or direct but the references to PBS are there. But in some ways, I think that’s better than flat-out insisting that the two are back-to-back canon.

They don't slap you in the face with call-backs but if you are a fan of the original, you catch them.

Here’s a few I noticed:

The perfect joke to explain Phoebe’s absence

Mr. Rhule (the principle from the original) is referenced by name

Wanda’s mom and little brother (William) have a cameo (with Wanda’s original VA as Mrs. Li, I’m pretty sure)

Ralphie’s face when the class travels inside Carlos’ nose (because in PBS, the whole class ended up in his nose)

Arnold freaking out when they end up in Ralphie’s stomach (because that episode from PBS was legitimately traumatizing for him)

The bus being attacked by white blood cells while in the bloodstream

Weatherman! (”sheika, sheika kaboom!” was sorely missed though...)

Keesha directing (with a megaphone of course)

Ralphie building a robot (again, for seemingly no valid reason and with a questionable amount of resources)

Arnold loving rocks and geology

Ms. Frizzle asks them if they’ve ever been eaten (there were several times in PBS but not in the reboot)

JANET! (dammit)

several VAs from the original make cameos

It’s refreshing in a way, to know that these things were done with fans like me in mind.

The Bad

I may love a lot about this reboot but it is not without a few glaring problems in my mind.

Here goes:

The BUS

I’m just going to say it: the original bus was better. It had more of a personality and felt more real than this cube.

In my opinion, where this went wrong was that technology played too much of a role. Maybe this was unavoidable due to the major changes in technology in the past 20 years. But it doesn’t even look like a bus anymore. It has a freakin’ tablet screen right on the control panel...do buses have those now? What was magical about PBS’s bus was that it looked like a bus but could change and mold itself into whatever was necessary with the push of a button. Now Fiona has to scroll through a screen of apps to find the “mode” she needs.

There is less magical about the bus this time; it more just seems like an incredible feat of engineering. There is even a joke about how the Frizzle sisters built the bus. Instead of turning kids into things, most of the time now, they just have their own personal vehicles to drive around the ocean or fly through space. That’s not magical, it’s just really well-funded.

Also, apparently now the bus can sustain damage? And then magically repair that damage? I guess the T-Rex did bite through the roof on PBS...

Also, the bus doesn't actually have to drive places anymore. Instead it just kind of...teleports. There’s an episode where the kids go inside the nervous systems of two of their classmates and both times, they just kind of vanish and reappear where they need to be.

(Also, the kids are oddly comfortable with the idea of the bus entering their bodies? Like I get it, if they’ve been through an entire previous year of a Frizzle using their body for science, maybe they’re okay with a bus shooting up their nose and their class spending half the day in their bloodstream. But a lot of the human biology episodes of the original were not consensual? Is this change really a bad thing? Is this tangent getting too long?)

On the plus side, the bus is solar-powered now.

So :D

The Timeline?

They kept a lot from the original, so much so that I think the intention was to make it seem like only one summer had passed between the two series. It makes sense on paper: this way fans of the original aren’t too put off and kids watching both series back to back for the first time won't be too confused by the switch.

But the problem with this is that it’s too unbelievable.

Technology really advanced this much in a few months? Wanda changed that much over the summer (see below)? Ms. Frizzle got her PhD in two months? Well, actually if anybody could do that, it would be Valerie Frizzle...

So the intention is good and logical but all the details don't really work out. I’ve coped with it by considering this an “alternate universe”, where the kids stayed together for another year (with some changes) after a year of similar adventures to PBS but with all the advanced tech present. So instead of being from the 90′s, this class was born in the late 2000′s.

If you’re not insane (like me), it probably won’t bother you. And it does make for a pretty funny opening scene.

Race Depictions

Not really sure if I should be bringing this up but I did want to address it. Whatever animation they used for the show does make certain characters appear...whiter...than they did on PBS.

But the whole color palette is different so I’m not sure if this was an intentional artistic choice or just unlucky circumstance. I really don’t know enough about animation to comment. But white-washing of any kind falls into the bad category for me (even if unintentional).

Wanda

*sighs dramatically* And here we are at last...

Wanda was such a titan of a character in PBS. She probably had the most character development apart from Arnold throughout all 52 episodes.

So I really don't know what happened here.  

With most of the others, where they are at now makes sense given that it’s supposed to be “one year later” in their lives. But Wanda seems like she had a total personality change in just a few short months. She’s no longer adventurous and instead, she’s...really compassionate? I mean, she wasn’t outright mean in PBS but she was callous and occasionally unintentionally hurtful. Now she’s suddenly a bleeding-heart animal activist? I mean, in PBS she was definitely changing towards being more considerate and open but she still kept that adventurous edge and wild streak. Now she has mellowed out considerably. So much so in fact that she resembles Phoebe more than she does Wanda.

Who looked at the original cartoon and logically thought that she was the character who needed to be changed the most? If they were that desperate to include a character who cared for animals that much, why not make it Carlos?

They already have an episode where he adopts a pet rat. And on PBS, he was skeptical of Phoebe’s concern for the animals she tried to save but never dismissive. He even comes to care for natural ecosystems like swamps in the PBS episode “Get’s Swamped”. With this characterization, it would give this show something new and interesting: a compassionate male character. One who is defined by his gentleness and concern. Isn’t it good for boys to have a role model like that?

Also, no offense to Carlos but apart from being the jokester, he really doesn’t have that much of a character. Someone like Arnold has several defining traits: worrier, rock expert, cynical. For Carlos, I have trouble coming up with anything other than funny. This change to a passionate animal activist would have added a whole new layer to him.

So that was a real missed opportunity in my eyes.

The only change in Wanda I genuinely liked was her seemingly much closer friendship with DA compared to PBS.

I always liked how they became better friends in the final PBS episode (”Takes a Dive”) and wanted to see that expanded. Seeing that the writers kept it, it feels like a small nod to that adventure and an indication of how well they wanted to keep the series continuity intact.

Jyoti

So here she is again. And while I do love Jyoti as a character, as a writer I have some problems with her. First and foremost, she’s too good at what she does. The Mary Sue trope is strong with this one.

This kid has a literal invisibility cloak. And creates an AI. And she’s only supposed to be ten years old. While her high-tech gear certainly adds an element of intrigue to the show, I find I cant always suspend my disbelief when she does something too outlandish. Like make a functional 3-D printed model of a T-cell in under half an hour.

She doesn’t really have character flaws either. Granted, she’s only really the “main kid” in one episode (”Three-in-One”) but the most development she has is when she snaps at Ralphie and feels bad about it. She also gets mad when DA loses her locket in “DA and the Deep Blue Sea” (so much so that everyone reacts with fear, even Ms. Frizzle) but she gets over it very quickly. The only “mistake” she makes is not specifying to her AI which pot of water she wants to be boiled (resulting in the water her class is exploring turning to steam). So really the only flaw is possibly that she’s impatient?

She’s not too ambitious or too proud or too inconsiderate, all of which could fit with her character that we’ve seen so far. Instead, she’s just useful. Whenever she needs to be. My hope is that next season she has an episode where she genuinely grows and we see some character flaws.

Another thing about her that is confusing (but this may just be my lack of knowledge showing) is exactly what her Indian roots are. In the episode “The Magnetic Mambo” she insists upon dancing a “kathakali” which is a type of Hindu dance art unique to the Kerala region of India.

But in a later episode, “Three-in-one” we meet a robot she has invented that she calls “Naniben” which (she explains) means “little sister” in Gujarati, a language spoken by only one community in Kerala (to my knowledge). So I either take this to mean that the writers got very specific with her place of origin, or that her parents come from two different states of India (one from Kerala and one from Gujarat?). But I’m sure no one else is giving it this much thought...

The Plugs for Future Episodes

While Lily Tomlin is always a blessing, I have to admit her segments weren’t always handled as well as they could have been.

This is obviously the reboot’s way of doing the producer segments from PBS. It’s a clever way to address scientific shortcomings or tell kids “dont try this at home!”. This really shouldn’t bug me. But it did. While it was nice to see Professor Frizzle having her own adventures and seeing a glimpse of what was coming, having her explicitly say things like: “stick around” or “wait and find out” felt like overkill.

And I know this is for kids but they’re going to watch anyway! You don't have to have a hook for bingeing. Bingeing these episodes is worse because then the lessons don’t stick as well! If the kids are excited by it, they are going to come back the next day or week and watch more. Don’t encourage them to rush through their education.

Episodes I question

Not sure if these count as “bad” but there were some episodes that had me scratching my head. These fall under the “less good” episodes I mentioned before.

E5: The Magnetic Mambo - When I think atoms, I definitely think dancing! There seemed to be a bit of a leap here between the conflict and the lesson (being about magnetism and how atoms align in a magnetic field). Also, I had to watch the “lesson” part of this episode twice before I understood it. Not sure if that reflects more on my education quality than the writing but...

E9: Space Mission: Selfie - I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to have learned from this one. That satellites are a thing? That objects orbiting the Earth orbit at different heights? The lesson wasn’t really clear. Maybe if I watch it again, I’ll get a better idea...also, the Frizzle family has some kind of internet empire?

E11: Ralphie Strikes a Nerve - When your team sucks at volleyball, what’s the logical thing to do? Certainly not spend an immoral amount of time and resources building a giant Pacific Rim - inspired robot! But somehow that’s the logical conclusion here? Don’t get me wrong, it works for the lesson (learning about the nervous system) but not so much for the plot?

The Surprising

The Animation

I know this is an unpopular opinion but..the animation really isn’t that bad.

Sure it’s jarring at first but the more I watched it, the less it bothered me. The movements were still fluid, the characters were still expressive. And this is 2017. Hand-drawn animation is not as popular as it once was.

And this is honestly not that bad. There were even all the little details that were accounted for. Like how Fiona’s and DA’s hair float when they’re in orbit. And when they descend into Carlos’ bloodstream, they have to illuminate the scene. As you watch it, you get bothered by the style less. And the PBS cartoon had its animation errors that were laughably bad. My favorite was in “For Lunch” when Arnold is somehow inside the bus currently going down his esophagus. Watch it again and you’ll see what I mean.

The New Theme Song

I had somehow forgotten that the fabulous Lin-Manuel Miranda had signed on to do the theme. And he did not disappoint. I rock out to this version just as hard as I did to Little Richard’s version.

The Framing

In the PBS episodes, each episode usually only focused on 1 kid, the “main kid” who had a lesson to learn that episode. Occasionally, they had episodes focused on two kids but it was usually just Wanda and Arnold or whoever was fighting.

This time around, they really make an effort to include more kids in the lessons. A lot of episodes still have a “main kid” but they are less the center of attention. It makes the show feel less formulaic, which was refreshing to see.

The Original Ms. Frizzle Leaving

As well as it worked for a send-off, Valerie Frizzle leaving doesn’t make a lot of sense when you look at the two series together. During her tenure as the teacher on PBS, we saw Ms. Frizzle grow to love her kids and start to treat them more like colleagues than a class she was supervising. She genuinely loved her job and looked like she was going to be doing it forever.

So the fact that she switched gears to become a research professor is odd to me. Don’t get me wrong, the more women with Ph.Ds on tv the better but she had always seemed so content to be just a teacher. So maybe she’s just stepping down for Fiona’s sake? Maybe I’m just reading into this far too much for a cartoon?

Still, it seemed a little on the nose to have the original Ms. Frizzle essentially “graduate” from this series now that she’s too busy pursuing her own projects to be a voice actor on a kids show. But if they had to give a reason for her to leave that wasn’t her dying, this was a great one.

Still don't get why Liz didn’t go with her through...Goldie is fine but wouldn’t it make more sense for the new teacher to have a new sidekick?

Keesha’s moms!

Okay, this is unconfirmed but I’m pretty sure these two:

Are intended to be Keesha’s parents.

If so then :D

I’m always for more LGBTQ representation in cartoons and Keesha did seem to be the logical choice. Her parents were never introduced in the original, just her grandmother. So I’d love for these two to come back and actually have a line or two next season that confirms their relationship.

The Battle for Rock Mountain Episode

I have a whole post on this here. Just go read that for why I was genuinely surprised by this concept and its execution.

The permission slips?

I’m sorry but no. This is too much, even for a joke. How does Ms. Frizzle even go about writing these things with a straight face? Maybe it was more just a ploy to get one or two funny lines out of the cast. I think that was a common critique of the original as well; that Ms. Frizzle couldn’t possibly be sending her kids home with permission slips that said things like: we’re going inside an active volcano to study island formation.

Well, apparently she did...and still does...

Well played reboot...well played...

In Conclusion

If you’re still undecided about the reboot, I hope this review helped put it in perspective a little. It has its ups and downs and, like any reboot, necessary changes and unnecessary changes.

Based on what I’ve consolidated here though, I think I would put this in the “good” reboot category. It’s certainly no “Death Note” movie but there are some things that people hate on. But the showrunners clearly know that they’ve got 20 years worth of fans watching them and they make efforts to let those people know that they know the source material (see my list of references to PBS above). I enjoyed watching it. I am probably going to watch several episodes again, even a few years from now. I am genuinely interested in what concepts they decide to show next and if they are going to develop their characters as well as PBS did.

In my opinion, you cant really hate a show like this for being a reboot. Because it’s meant only to do good for kids by teaching them about science and nature. I would show this to my kids or students alongside the original and not feel like it was jeopardizing their education at all. The original cartoon was instrumental in sparking my love of science and I can totally see this version inspiring some young student to delve deeper into topics they learn in school.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Hi! It's an au twilight question.

What if Edward and Bella did the nasty in early New moon. Then the party happens and the Cullens leave. Bella discovers she's pregnant with Renesmee. What do you think what would happen?

A very interesting question, anon. One that will go very interesting places, I'm sure.

That said, as usual, because I'm a completionist, we have to go through the "why no canon?" routine. Bear with me, I simply must.

Why Didn't Edward and Bella Do the Nasty Pre-Breaking Dawn?

For all that Edward is, for all his... questionable morals and sexual fixations, he does have a moral code he strictly holds himself to.

Edward is adamantly against having sex with Bella in terror of the very real possibility that he will murder her in the act. He's very clear about this, he didn't think he could do it, at all, and only his sheer desperation that Bella never be turned, his desire to marry Bella, as well as Alice's thumbs up convinced him to do it.

If Bella was a reasonable person then she would have agreed as well. Sex with Edward, while she's human, is a bad idea. However, Bella never really seems to clue in on what vampires even are so I think the Man of Steel on Woman of Kleenex aspect is lost on her.

Had Alice not given the green light, I imagine Edward would have gone back to the drawing board and ended up either here or here. Bella turning is the worst possible outcome and Edward will risk almost anything, even Bella's death, to see it avoided.

But that doesn't mean it's an action he takes lightly.

He suggests pimping Bella out to Jake before he suggests sleeping with her himself. For Edward, this is a last resort.

More, Edward is a man of his time.

Edward was from an upper class family and, more to the point, still holds himself to the standards of the society he knew when human (much to Bella's amusement).

Edward wistfully talks about courting Bella, how he would have courted her had he been a true man in the time period he was familiar with, and why marriage to him is so very important.

That Edward doesn't seek out the approval of Charlie, Bella's father, is a hilarious aside to me. Edward's all about chivalry until all those old society standards get in his way.

What do you mean a gentleman doesn't sneak into a lady's apartments in the middle of the night to watch her slumber unawares?!

Regardless, marriage is extremely important to Edward, especially in the context of sex.

Edward will absolutely not have sex with a woman who is not first his wife. He also will not marry a girl that society defines as underage, he will wait until Bella's legal and probably until she finishes her primary schooling.

This means Edward was never likely to have sex with her before graduation and certainly not before her eighteenth birthday.

Which, at the earliest, puts her past the New Moon birthday bash.

Edward and Bella Do the Do Anyway

But let's pretend they do it anyway.

I'd say the most likely scenario is after the birthday disaster. This is it, Edward knows he is leaving Bella forever, if he is truly noble then he will never see her again.

Certainly, he will never interact with her nor hold her in his arms. To Edward, this is essentially his last true night on Earth.

So rather than pull a partial D.E.N.N.I.S. system, Edward pulls the full D.E.N.N.I.S. system, he initiates the "I" he was previously missing, "Inspire Hope". Or, in this case, get laid for the first and only time in his life.

He sneaks in through her window. They make beautiful, passionate, tepid love so Edward does not crush her in the act, and as she sleeps blissfully in the aftermath he sneaks back out the window to never be seen again.

(It takes Bella a week to admit that Edward just hit and run. The Cullens aren't coming back.)

However, because Edward didn't actually point blank tell her what was happening, rather than hit her New Moon stage of depression, Bella's instead in denial.

The Cullens are coming back. What, Carlisle has a new job? No, that can't be right, they're coming back. Alice would never leave her without a word. Edward would never leave her without a word.

Jessica pats Bella on the back consolingly and is secretly glad that it's not her. She might have been dumped by Edward Cullen, but at least he didn't humiliate her the way he did Bella Swan.

Leaving without a single word, yikes.

Two weeks go by then Bella gets the flu.

In a single day, she's unable to keep down anything. Huh, that's weird. Very quickly, Bella has her tampon epiphany. Bella is not a virgin, she had sex with Edward, she's late, and she appears to have a baby bump.

Bella is carrying Edward's child.

There is no question of aborting the child. This is Edward's child, the only piece she has left of him, even without Renesmee's gift it's ride or die. Bella is delivering this child even if it kills her.

However, she has some immediate issues.

First, she's visibly pregnant, it's been only two weeks. That's not supposed to happen. More, Charlie is bound to notice sooner rather than later, Bella would like to avoid that, the stigma of teen pregnancy, as well as the inhuman complications that are sure to come along.

Second, there's inhuman complications. Bella can't just go to an OBGYN, not even a town over. She's carrying something half human, a doctor will poke around and find that out, and then Bella's blowing the secret.

Bella knows vaguely of the Volturi at this point, but not the severity of the law, it's more that she promised Edward she would never tell a soul.

Plus, a human doctor wouldn't be able to help anyway.

That leaves vampires.

Bella tries to call/email the Cullens. However, thanks to Edward, all their numbers are disconnected and all their emails no longer exist. Her "Alice, help, I'm pregannant" messages are sent to a void.

(Alice, meanwhile, thinks she's finally successful in blocking visions of Bella. At least Edward will be off her back. Without the cliff diving and Jake, Alice does not assume Bella has died/committed suicide.)

A brief internet survey also yields Bella no results, but it does get her a lot of vampire porn. Thanks internet.

Bella... starts to get worried.

She's getting more and more pregnant in a matter of days, Charlie is starting to notice that she can't keep anything down, and the Cullens aren't taking her phone calls.

Then, Bella has it, she remembers that weird baroque painting Carlisle had of him and those Italian vampire dudes: the Volturi. Conveniently named after the city they live in, Volterra, Italy.

Bella debates her options.

Edward told her that these are the guys who make sure that humans who know the secret disappear. Well, Bella is a human who knows the secret, that's bad. Also bad is that they eat people, Bella is a person.

On the other hand, Edward implied these guys are civilized and friends of Carlisle. That's... good? Bella isn't sure she's on good terms with the Cullens, given the whole abrupt leaving thing, but maybe they don't have to know that.

Bella debates with herself, tries to look up the Denali, and only finds the National Park. She has no idea where these guys even live, or what they even look like besides "blonde hot vampire", and she's short on time. Plus, they are close with the Cullens, so the Cullens probably did tell them "Ew, Bella, No Gross, Do Not Want".

Because the Cullens all hate her now.

Bella has some money saved up, and this is probably a one way trip, and if she doesn't go then... well, it's not looking good. Bella musters up her courage, tells Charlie some outrageous fib to explain why she's disappearing off the face of the planet, and books a flight to Rome, then Pisa, then a bus ride to Volterra.

Bella subsists completely on blue gateorade, this doesn't go well, and she vomits blue in the parking lot.

Regardless, she makes it, huzzah she is in Volterra. It's sunny out and there are no vampires. Bella wanders around the city and looks for the most vampire building she can find.

Luckily, she happens to be right, and it's the very central castle. Well done, Bella.

Bella walks in and spots a vampire. She also spots a receptionist, Bella is very confused. Never the less, Bella says the magic words, "I'm a... friend of Carlisle Cullen?"

Even though Bella doesn't have Aro's name (or any of the other Volturi for that matter), Carlisle's name does the trick. Anyone who works for Aro knows that name.

Color Aro intrigued, he will meet this pregnant woman! (Caius, meanwhile, votes that they eat her immediately out of spite.)

Well, Aro touches her hand and lo and behold she's scarily gifted. And she knows Carlisle, what a great day to be Aro.

Aro explains that everything's totally fine with her knowing the secret, it just means they have to turn her eventually, after she gives birth of course.

Bella stares at him numbly and wonders why Edward made this such a big deal if it was that easy.

Aro insists Bella start from the beginning, as in the very beginning of her life. This is weird, but Bella complies.

An hour later they get to the interesting part: Bella meets Carlisle (and Edward Cullen, Aro guesses). Aro gets to hear the whole, sordid, ridiculous tale of Bella and Edward's romance including the part where he fucked her and ran off into the night.

Aro is stunned.

He first apologizes for the Cullens behavior, they should absolutely not have abandoned her, and not turning her was completely irresponsible (what the hell was Carlisle thinking?)

He then gives the bad news, he... has never heard of anything like this.

You see, normal vampires don't have sex with humans. It isn't done.

Also, there's this thing called Immortal Children (Edward tell you about that, no? Well, he probably thought it wasn't relevant). That thing your carrying might not be a child capable of growth but an insatiable monster.

Or it could be the alien from Aliens.

There's no way to tell, really.

BUT NO NEED TO WORRY, BELLA, THEY WILL FIGURE THIS OUT.

Aro promises Bella his protection and a period of observation for the child. Bella's not sure she likes that observation part, but this seems like a pretty sweet deal otherwise.

As for what to do, well, Aro has to call in the foremost vampire medical expert. Sorry, Bella, but there's only one man for the job.

Aro sends out Demetri to find Carlisle.

Demetri shows up on Carlisle's doorstep, "Carlisle, old friend, Aro has need of you. Your son knocked up a human girl."

Carlisle blinks, blinks again, then does a thousand yard stare. My God.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, Edward is already on Victoria's tail. Carlisle tries to call him, to no avail, Edward isn't taking his phone calls.

Alice and Jasper are already on their trip to hunt down Alice's past. Plus, given the Volturi, they'd be unlikely to come anyway. Carlisle sends them a message.

Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett travel to Volterra to clean up Edward's mess.

And sure enough, there's Bella, very pregnant with a child that is very much not human. Carlisle dies inside, Rosalie's on a warpath that Edward would abandon his pregnant girlfriend to the point where the only place she could turn was human drinking vampires.

Rosalie takes it upon herself to leave Edward the world's angriest voice messages until he returns her phone calls.

Aro's delighted to see Carlisle again. Even if he does have a wife now. Also, Aro claims finders keepers for Bella, Carlisle's not happy about this and less happy that Aro points out that if Edward cared so much he wouldn't be absent right now, would he?

They figure out the blood drinking thing, Carlisle desperately raids a hospital to prevent Bella from being fed the leftovers of the Volturi victims. This likely doesn't work out for him.

At the last possible moment, Edward finally picks up his phone. He learns that all he's tried to accomplish failed spectacularly. Bella is pregnant with his demon child, is literally drinking blood, and is in Vampire HQ with the leader insisting she will be turned immediately after the C-section.

Edward races to Volterra and strides into the room demanding Bella be aborted and remain human.

Aro stares.

Carlisle awkwardly explains that Bella's too far along, it's too late now even if they wanted to, more she adamantly doesn't want to abort and never did.

As for Bella being human... Bella pipes in that she's cool on becoming the vampire part. Aro's a great guy. She then races to embrace Edward, he's come back, after all this time. And he's going to be a father, isn't that wonderful?

Edward loses his mind.

And because this is Edward, I have no idea what he'll do, only it'll be utter madness. This is my best guess.

To be a little more serious, he probably tries to abort the child anyway, he mercy kills Bella and the child, or Renesmee manages to get through to him.

Given canon, it's likely the latter. Bella is convinced that her and Edward's relationship is perfect.

Aro has no idea what to think of any of this.

[gunterfan1992]

Episode Review: ‘Wizard City’ (Distant Lands, Ep. 4)

Airdate: September 2, 2021

Story by: Adam Muto, Jack Pendarvis, Kate Tsang, Hanna K. Nyström, & Charley Feldman

Storyboarded by: Maya Petersen, Hanna K. Nyström, Anna Syvertsson, & Aleks Sennwald, & Haewon Lee

Directed by: Miki Brewster & Jeff Liu (supervising), Sandra Lee (art)

An episode focusing on Peppermint Butler’s dark side is something that the fandom has craved ever since the little guy demanded Finn and Jake’s flesh in season two’s “Death in Bloom.” While installments like season five’s “The Suitor” and season six’s “Nemesis” did much to scratch that itch, the story of the Dark One remained mostly unknown…

And after “Wizard City,” it still remains largely unknown. But that’s OK, because instead of focusing on the character’s history, this special focuses on Peps’ quest to relearn magic at a magic school. Put most simply, this special is largely a fun excuse for the show to riff on Harry Potter and The Owl House-style “magic school hijinks,” and it mostly all works.

The special follows Peps quest to go to WizArts (a definite play on CalArts, the school that Pen Ward and Adam Muto, among many others, went to) so that he can relearn magic and once again become one of the greatest dark wizards of his time. Initially, Peps tries to make friends with cool kid Spader and his posse, but once they learn that Peps is not as talented at magic as they had initially thought, they kick him to the curb. It is at this point that Cadebra, Abracadaniel’s adorkable niece who is fascinated with stage magic, enters the picture. Cadebra tries everything in her power to befriend Peps, but Peps pushes back, since she’s not “cool.” It does not matter, though, because both Peps and Cadebra are sorted into the same “house”—the “Skink House—and are forced to work together.

While Peps and his cohort begin learning more and more complex magic, a secret cult of school professors, led by the otherwise caring Dr. Caledonius, are scheming to resurrect Coconteppi, a powerful dark wizard whose putrid heart has been discovered underneath the school excreting a very powerful ichor. The school cult kidnaps Spader and gives him some of the ichor to drink; they hope that because of his talent, he will be able to house the spirit of Coconteppi. This does not go as planned, and Spader is graphically killed (albeit off screen). (In a more humorous moment, Bufo, the scam wizard from season one’s “Wizard,” also ingests some of the ichor, believing himself powerful enough to handle it, but it kills him.)

Eventually Peps and Cadebra learn what is going on. Dr. Caledonius welcomes Peps, believing that he is strong enough to handle the ichor. When Cadebra’s life is put in danger, Peps reluctantly gives the putrid fluid a swig, which infuses him with the power of Coconteppi. Coconteppi-Peps then kills all the cult members before Cadebra manages to remove the ichor from Peps body. For uncovering a heinous plot, Peps is promoted to the highest house, “Salamander,” but he decides to remain a Skink and learn magic “the hard way” with Cadebra as his friend.

As I mentioned near the start of this review, “Wizard City” spends most of its time riffing on the “magic boarding school” trope, with much of the episode feeling like a light-hearted parody of Harry Potter: The characters, after all, are “sorted” into “houses,” they learn various types of magic from skilled “professors,” and they bunk in different parts of a large castle-like campus. Of course, Harry Potter didn’t invent the idea of a boarding school, but when setting your story in a school for magic, it is very hard not to lean at least somewhat into the Hogwarts relation. And this really is a double-edged sword, for while Harry Potter references can be fun here and there, they can also make the overall story feel like a fanfic parody. This special does a good job focusing more so on the characters rather than the setting, but I won’t lie, at times it did feel as if they show was really trying to make you realize it was making a Harry Potter joke.

Of all the characters introduced in the special, the breakout star is easily Cadebra, voiced by Chloe Coleman. Radiating a sort of Mabel Pines energy, Cadebra is the beam of optimism who shines brightly in an otherwise macabre special. There is something about her plucky personality and sense of wacky individualism that charms the viewer. I appreciate how the show compared and contrasted her with her uncle, the one and only Abracadaniel: like her uncle, Cadebra is a good person who wants to help others, but unlike Abracadaniel, she has a sense of courage and fortitude that results in her taking on a Coconteppi-possessed Peps at the episode’s climax. (Say what you will, Abracadaniel stans, but our favorite custodian would never have done that!) Thanks to her bravery and dedication to Peps, Cadebra is easily the heart of the special.

The episode throws an interesting little curveball into the mix by having the ‘ghost’ of Past Peppermint Butler constantly haunt Peps in the here-and-now. Past Peppermint, it seems, was so determined to become a great wizard, he cursed himself, so that if anything were to go awry, his Past self could materialize and set him straight. It’s confusing, but I do think that mixing the “overbearing parent” trope with a curse is a clever idea; it gives the whole special some dramatic heft. The whole setup is made even funnier by the special’s conclusion: After Future Peppermint Butler is ‘defeated’ and the day is saved, Peps reveals to Cadebra that he still wants to be a great and powerful dark wizard… but he wants to earn that power through hard work and determination. (Peppermint Butler might commune with demons, but he would never sell his soul to one for power; Glob helps those who help themselves, ya know?)

One of the special’s strongest points is its background art. Adventure Time always had some beautiful set pieces, and this special goes above and beyond to give WizArts an ancient sense of grandeur and mystery. Ghostshrimp, a freelance artist who was the show’s lead background designer during seasons 1-4, return for this special as a “visual developer”—basically, he mocked up a bunch of rough designs for the locales, and then the episode’s background artists worked up the final pieces in his style. On his podcast, Ghostshrimp mentioned how hectic he found Adventure Time to be, because he was used to taking his time on pieces. As such, the decision to bring him on for just development was smart, as it allowed him to still come up with iconic background designs while also playing fast and loose with everything. Hopefully the show will continue this approach with the Fionna and Cake miniseries that is coming up. After all, Ghosthsrimp’s style is the look of Adventure Time.

Another strong point for the episode is its voice acting. For one thing, you have your regulars like Tom Kenny and Dana Snyder, and Duncan Trussell, who all give a solid performance. But to voice many of the special’s new characters, the show brought on a bevy of fun actors: Saturday Night Live’s Bill Hader, for instance, is now voicing Bufo, and he does a solid job hamming up his role as the old fogey. And then there’s Toks Olagundoye, whose British accent gives Dr. Caledonius a sense of knowledge and expertise. To my delight and surprise, SungWon Cho, an internet personality and voice actor perhaps better known as ProZD, was tapped to voice Brain Wizard, and he does an excellent job. And finally, Anthony Stewart Head, a very talented actor who I know best as Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, voices Con Wizard, and is even given a fun little ditty to sing. I can safely say that the voice acting in this special is likely the best of the bunch, and it’s obvious that the actors were all having a great time playing their parts.

What drags the whole thing down, in my opinion is the excessive murder. (I joked on Twitter that during the climax of “Wizard City,” it felt like I was watching an Adventure Time-ified version of Invincible!) Infused with the power of Coconteppi, Peps goes on a brutal killing spree, boiling Potable Wizard into steam, zapping Dimension Wizard into another plane of existence, smashing Berdzerd, and—perhaps most graphically—excerebrates (had to look that word up!) Brain Wiz. On Twitter, @sometipsygnostalgic​ argued that while, yes, the scene is startling, it does wonders to transmute “a poor Summer Camp Island knockoff [into] Adventure Time chaos.” The more I think about it, the more I think that’s a fair point; after all, this is hardly the first dark thing that has happened in Adventure Time. But the part that I cannot really stomach is the fact that Spader was murdered for no real reason, and the special ends without anyone really expressing their horror at the situation. Sure, Spader was a schoolyard bully, but he was also a child. And killing a child—either for the drama or the lulz—feels decidedly out of place in an Adventure Time episode. It’s hard to express, but it just felt unnecessarily nihilistic and mean-spirited.

All things considered, I think this was a fun episode, but it was somewhat underwhelming for a ‘finale.’ Much of this is because it had to air after the perfection that was the back-to-back “Obsidian”/”Together Again” wombo combo. But I can’t help but feel like this special just felt a little... off. A little too meanspirited, and it leaned a bit too much on standard tropes. Still, it was a fun spin, and I know that I’ll rewatch it.

Mushroom War Evidence: As Peps rides the bus to school, he passes a bunch of abandoned houses, some of which are buried in the ground. There is an unexploded bomb above the fossilized elephant in the school. Cadebra has a dream that takes place in the ruins of a city.

Final Grade: B+

[lifeofroos]

A/N: Reader x Carter Kane, Carter and reader have an argument. It’s good, it’s cliché and you are going to read it. 

AO3 - KoFi

(I still love you, though)

You walked into the dining hall with your plate in hand. Some residents were still having breakfast, others had less forgiving timetables and were already off to school. 

With a happy smile, you sat down next to Carter, who was reading a book. It surprised you that he didn’t greet you right away. 

‘Good morning, did you sleep well?’

‘Fine,’ was his only answer. 

The corners of your mouth dropped. ‘What’s going on? Is something wrong in Duat?’

‘Everything is fine in Duat.’

Now you got annoyed. ‘Then what is wrong, Carter?’

He looked up. ‘How late is it?’

You looked at the clock above the door, the kitchy one with Scarabs on the clock hands. ‘It’s five past nine. Why?’

‘Why?’ He closed his book. ‘You have to be in school by half past nine! You aren’t clothed yet, you still need to brush your teeth and you have haven’t even started your breakfast.’

You sighed. This wasn’t the nice morning you had imagined. ‘So what? Then I’ll be a little late for French. The teacher won’t mind. We can even use a little magic…’

‘We can use magic when it’s an emergency. When we get into trouble and are later at school.’

‘I see my nightrest as an emergency,’ you pouted. ‘Why do you even care?’

Carter rolled his eyes. ‘Because you’ll inevitably ask me to help you with your French, or your biology, because you didn’t hear the teachers’ explanation. I want to help you with all my heart, but if you’d only try to put in a little more effort…’

‘I put in all the effort I got!’ You clenched your fists. Carter looked like he wanted to say something, something he swallowed at the last moment. 

He got up. ‘I have to leave. I got school at ten.’

‘What… then you’ve got literally fifty-three minutes left! It’s a fifteen minute bus ride!’

‘I still have some things to do beforehand.’ He walked out of the dining hall without even saying goodbye. 

You stared at your plate with a hollow feeling in your stomach. You picked up your toast and tried to take a bite, yet it tasted like dirty cardboard. 

Oh well, if you couldn’t eat, you might as well get ready for school. If you left now and really quickly clothed yourself, you might even be almost on time. On time enough to hear everything that was actually important, at least. 

Which, you always did. You never skipped out on the important stuff. You always heard enough to understand it, other than Carter seemed to think. Alright, sometimes you might not hear a detail, and then you’d ask your boyfriend, but it would always be okay. You’d also have figured it out without him. 

What was today’s class about again? French, of course. Yet, where had you left off? You remembered, you really did. At least you must have written it down. Or you could ask Carter…

Or maybe not, for now.

You got to class five minutes late. The teacher didn’t even look up any more. He began talking in French, but you could understand even less of it than usual. Carter seemed really angry this morning. It seemed like it had to be more than just the school thing. What did he care if you worked for it or not? Perhaps you had just been annoying the last time and this was the start of the end. It made your heart ache. 

No, no, you were far, far ahead of yourself. You didn’t know any of this, you were overthinking too much. Yet, you also thought something similar when thinking about your French this morning, didn't you?

You didn’t learn much that day7. During the sixth period, your teacher asked if you didn’t feel sick and wanted to go home, but you declined. 

You rode the bus home with a knot in your stomach. Would Carter already be home? As far as you knew, on Wednesdays he was done earlier than you. It was a short day for him, really. 

Perhaps he was studying, or having a bite of food, or just avoiding you. No, don’t think that. You didn’t even know if he was home or not. 

When you got to the bus stop, there was a familiar person waiting by it. You stepped out. ‘Carter?’

He didn’t meet your eye. Now is the moment he will break up, you thought. ‘I thought I’d just… fetch you from the bus stop. It’s been a long day for you.’

‘It was fine.’

He looked up at you and at once you knew it was alright. You reached out your hand. ‘Sorry,’ you mumbled. 

Carter grabbed your hand as you began to walk home. ‘I need to say sorry too. I was being mean, this morning.’ 

You thought of your French. ‘Well… you were right, I think. Perhaps I should have taken my studies more seriously.’

‘It’s not really about the studies. I was being more selfish than that. Just… every single time, you asked me something I knew the teachers said out loud and it began to bug me.’

‘It felt as if I wasn’t putting in an effort and just… using you.’

‘No, no, not that…’

‘It is. It’s... you can say it, Carter.’ You felt ashamed, you really did. 

‘Oh…’ Carter stopped walking to hug you. ‘It’s not bad, it isn’t, it really isn’t…’ He gave you a kiss on your forehead. ‘I should have just talked about it like an adult when it began to annoy me. It wasn’t fair to attack you like I did…’

You felt yourself smile beside everything. ‘It’s okay.’

‘Then we’re fine?’

‘Yes,’ you said with a nod. You leaned up to kiss him on the cheek, which made him smile. 

‘Want to have a cup of coffee at the café before heading back home?’

You thought for a moment. ‘Perhaps make it a to go. Then I can get started on my Latin homework.’

Carter stroked your hair. ‘Make it a study date?’

You nodded with a large smile. ‘I love those.’ You kissed him again, on the lips this time. ‘Even more so if there’s fancy coffee.’

A/N: Okay I confess, I don’t really know how American school timetables work. So I just did what I remember from Dutch schools. And they said in the books the schedule was flexible.

[icollectyoursins]

Okuyasu x Fem!Reader SFW

martinbolseiro asked "If requests are still open I would like to ask you for a Stroheim x Female reader fluff / nsfw nº24 and nº82 please hihiihi and Okuyasu x Female reader fluff nº1 and nº10 “

Reader and Okuyasu are in high school for this one, just so it’s not weird with an adult dating a teen. We do not stand for that here. I also use (L/N) which will stand for your last name in this.

You had the unfortunate luck of getting sick in the middle of the school year and your boyfriend has just the thing to cheer you up! I mean, what could be better than him visiting you with your movie, munchies and drinks? Nothing. That’s what.

First part of the request is here.

No. 1 "Shh, don't cry. I'll always be here." 

No. 10 "I'll keep you warm, come here."

Wanna know what I’m willing to write? Rules here!

Have a character, but no idea? Prompt list here!

Looking for more? Master post here!

WARNINGS: None, reader is sick, so there’s talk of that. Also some Tonio stuff at the end, nothing too graphic though.

Word Count: 1308

     A loud, painful cough thundered in your lungs making you wince. It was just a cold, but still, you felt like hell. You groaned, lying back down on your bed, tossing the tissue to the side. Suddenly, you began to think about all the school you were missing and felt worse. It was only a week, but still missing five days of school could be the equivalent of missing a month depending on the subject.

     While in the midst of your self-loathing, you heard a shout from outside your window.

     “Oi! (Y/N)!” Okuyasu. You groaned, begrudgingly getting out of bed and opening the window. “Hii, (Y/N)!”

     “Hi, Okuyasu,” you grumbled. Not that you weren’t happy to see him, he always seemed to brighten your day, but frankly, you didn’t want to see anyone right now. “Shouldn’t you be in class?”

     “No! We just finished.” You furrowed your brows, it couldn’t be time for home already, could it? A glance over to your clock proved that school was indeed done for the day. “Hi, miss (L/N). Can I come in to see (Y/N)? I have some work for her.”

     “Not for too long. Wouldn’t want you getting sick too!” Your mom replied, stern but somehow still cheery. 

     “Ookay.” With that, he was practically running up the stairs to your bedroom and bursting through the door. “Hey! How are you feeling?”

     You sighed with a roll of your eyes. “Okuyasu, you’re going to get sick, don’t- hey! No, don’t hug me-ah!”

     “I missed you!” He had lifted you up into a bear hug. A very warm and comforting bear hug. You couldn’t really be mad at him as he gently set you on your feet and started going on about what had transpired the week you were away. Though you weren’t entirely sure it was true, it was entertaining getting all the info on the drama when you weren’t there.

     “Wow. Didn’t think she’d do something like that,” you comment as he’s telling you about what one of the cheerleaders did to the other. It made you feel so glad you didn’t join the team or any other team for that matter. You were perfectly happy and busy running around after your lovable fool and his friend. 

     “Yeah, it was wild. Teachers didn’t even know what to do! They were just as shocked as we were,” he burst out laughing, tossing his head back and wiping away a tear.

     Suddenly you were sent into another coughing fit, covering your mouth with your elbow. At first, he panicked, then saw the tissues and the glass of water on your nightstand, running to grab them. He knelt next to you, eyes wide while he rubbed your back until it subsided. He offered you the glass first before settling down to sit cross-legged. You groaned when he pulled you closer so you were leaning against him.

     “Okuyasu, you’re gonna get sick,” you mumble, eyes slowly drooping into sleep. He was so warm and comfy. The perfect human pillow. He laughed at you.

     “I never get sick! And if I do, I just go to Tonio’s! Heyy, that’s an idea! Let’s go to Tonio’s!” Okuyasu was suddenly getting up, pulling you with him. Then, he went through your closet, looking for something for you to wear. 

     “I really don’t think I’m in the best of shape to go somewhere.” You sit down on your bed with a sniffle.

     “It’ll be fine!” He reassures you. “Besides, isn’t fresh air supposed to be good for you? Here, wear this. I’ll be downstairs waiting.”

     He tosses some nice-looking, comfy clothes and excitedly exits your room. You sigh. There really wasn’t a way to stop him at this point, so you got into your clothes, changing the shirt to something less cartoony to a plain single-coloured tee with less stains. Maybe he was right. You would feel better if you went outside and something other than your mom’s cooking sounded so nice right about now. Whatever, what’s the worst that could happen.

     When you got downstairs Okuyasu had already sold your mom on the idea of going out. She cheerily told you to have fun and be back before curfew as you walked out the door. He grinned proudly, wrapping an arm around you while you made your way to the bus station.

--------

     The bus ride to the little restaurant by the graveyard was full of idle chatter about school again and what he was planning on doing when he got home. A new game came out recently, so he and Josuke agreed to play it together.

     “You can come-” he asked, quickly covering it up with a hasty “-if you want! I don’t know. Josuke isn’t one to share his games, but I might convince him.”

     You laughed. “Well, if you can convince my mum to let me outside, you can probably get anyone to do whatever you wanted. But, Okuyasu, I’m sick, remember.”

     “Ha! Just wait. Tonio can cure anything with his food. It’s the best in the world.” You rolled your eyes, only half believing him. You hadn’t been to Tonio’s before but your boyfriend never shut up about how good the food was.

     “As long as you’re paying,” you elbowed his side, teasing him. He looks shocked.

     “Of course, I am! What kind of man doesn’t buy his lady food?” He mutters under his breath, seriously asking. You just laugh again. 

     The walk from the bus stop to the restaurant was thankfully short, but you swore could smell the food cooking from a mile away. Okuyasu grabbed your hand, gently pulling you behind him. He burst through the doors, happily calling out Tonio’s name. They exchanged hellos while you were sat at the table.

     “Um, is there a menu?” You asked awkwardly. They laughed.

     “No! Tonio makes whatever you need. He knows everything! Here, have the water.” He sets your cup down in front of you while Tonio goes off to make whatever it was he thought you needed. Your boyfriend practically shook with excitement while he waited for you to take your first sip.

     Your eyes grew wide with shock as the water hit your tongue. It was the best water you had ever had. Was it from a well or something? You glugged down the rest, then suddenly you were crying and couldn’t stop. Okuyasu, though still smiling, rubbed your back, soothing you. Just like that, it stopped and your eyes felt better than they ever had before. They weren’t scratchy or tired. You were wide awake!

     “See? Don’t you feel better?” He asked, petting your head.

     “Yeah, actually. I do. What the hell is in that water?” He chuckles to himself, muttering something that sounded like ‘sand tomes?’ You were about to ask him to say that again, but Tonio came back with a bowl in his hand.

     “Chicken noodle soup! Enjoy!” He called out, disappearing back into the kitchen.

     It was the best-smelling chicken noodle soup. Without wasting another minute, you dug in. Okuyasu was right. This was the best food in the world. You finished in record timing, humming happily. Then you started coughing again. You grabbed a napkin and coughed into it. It felt like you were literally hacking up a lung or some other organ. One large inhale of breath and it magically subsided.

     You could breathe so much better now! How? That was- how?

     Okuyasu leaned back with his arms behind his head and his feet kicked up on another chair. You could feel the confidence radiating off of him. 

     “How do you feel, (Y/N)?” He asked, cocky as all hell. “Wanna go hang at Josuke’s?” You stared at him awestruck while he laughed loudly. The only thoughts you had were: thank you? Then, my boyfriend is crazy and finally what the hell just happened?