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maspers · 8 months

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Describing every single fricking SCP Object Class

It is apparently customary in the SCP Community to use the "locked box" analogy whenever possible, so I shall be doing the same. I... might have some trouble, but oh well that is what they call life. Standard Object Classes (aka the ones that people actually use)

Safe: You put it in a box. Nothing happens.

Euclid: You put it in a box. You're not quite sure what's gonna happen.

Keter: You put it in a box. Oh crap it's escaping.

Thaumiel: It either IS the box, or is helping you put other stuff in boxes.

Neutralized: It no longer needs to be in a box.

Decommissioned: It no longer needs to be in a box... because you destroyed it.

Apollyon: A box will not help. Nothing will help. Accept your doom. Archon: You could put it in a box, but you decided it's better if you didn't.

Explained: You thought it needed to be put in a box but turns out it was just a regular thing that doesn't require a box.

Pending: You haven't tried to put it in a box.

Esoteric Object Classes (aka Heyyyyyy what if we made things MORE complicated)

Absentia: You use it to keep nonexistent stuff into the "box" that is nonexistence. Acquiesce: You can't put it in a box. Deal with it.

Adventure: You put it in a box. Suddenly, you realize life is exciting, and records about you start portraying you in a manner befitting your exciting life. Oh wait, no, that’s just a side effect of putting the thing in the box. Aegis: It was specifically created to protect your putting-stuff-in-boxes activities.

Aether: Some people claim it exists. If you find out it does, then you'll put it in a box.

Aicalë: You put it in a box, with the knowledge that it’s not staying there. Ain: You put it in a box. Eventually it will cause the end of the world.

Ain-Soph-Aur: You don’t put it in a box. It manages itself, and the continued existence of normal humans that don’t need to be put in boxes. Aisna: It makes more stuff that you might need to put in boxes. But you can use it. And it might be part god.

Anesidora: You put it in a box, and must prohibit the box from mixing with other boxes. Anomalous: You could put it in a box and study it further but it's useless so who cares? Antithesis: It must be used to keep itself and other stuff from being put in boxes.

Apologize: Someone had some kind of breakdown while writing this. Probably has to do with the thing you’re putting in a box. Archived: Maybe you put it in a box once but now you no longer need to care about it, so you've stashed the files away. Argus: Someone other than you put it in a box. Asura: You can't do anything to it, but that's fine because it's harmless. Atlas: It is what allows you to continue existing, so you shouldn't put it in a box.

Axiom: 42 Azathoth: You put it in a box. Egads! This thing is definitely very dangerous and deserving of a cool and unique object class.

Bakkhos: Putting it in a box is difficult because defining boundaries of any sort becomes a lot harder when it is involved. Belial: Its box (if it exists) is outside of your jurisdiction, so you use a metaphorical box for it instead.

Beautiful: You put it in a box. And now you and everyone else studying it worships it.

BFF: You put it in a box. It emits a memetic effect that causes people to take it out of the box. (There are a lot of weird ones like this) Binah: What is this, Persona 5?

Boltzmann: You cannot put it in a box. Which is good, since it's necessary for your continued existence.

Cartel: You were going to put it into a box, but then your managers (Regional and Overwatch Command) told you to make it Uncontained instead (see below). Cernunnos: You could theoretically put it in a box, but you don't have the ability to do so right now.

CHALLENGE: Identical to Safe, but part of the box it’s in involves referring to it in a specific way. Chelovek: You don't need to put it in a box because the HR department is doing it for you. Chesed: You are working together with the affected parties to keep it in a box. Chhokmah: You can't put it in a box because that would mess with people's brains.

Compromised: You put it in a box. Things went from fine to not fine in a way that means you need to destroy your files on it. Concentra: It creates its own box, then continuously puts more stuff in that box ad infinitum. Conscientia: You can't put it in a box, so you tricked everyone into thinking it's normal.

Contained: You put it in a box. Which is all you'd THINK it would mean, but *nooooo* it's one of THOSE ones-

Containment: You put it in a box, then train it to put stuff in boxes. Then it goes AWOL. Continua: You put it in a box, but part of it's missing, so you're not sure if the box is actually working.

Cor: You put it in a box, then actively do everything in your power to avoid thinking about what it is and does, to the point that you change its Object Class to something meaningless. Da'as Elyon: Identical to Conscientia, except somehow Jewish.

Daath: Instead of putting it in a box you let it wander around parts of your workplace.

Dagdagiel: CHEER UP SLEEEEEEEPY JEEEEEEEEAAAAAAN

Damballah: It's in a box, but you aren't sure how or why.

Dark Keter: You cannot put it in a box or destroy it. The file for this likely came from an untrustworthy source.

[DATA EXPUNGED]: You put it in a box (maybe). The exact details are something you don’t have the clearance for.

Debated: Whether or not it actually needs to go in a box (and how or why) is currently under dispute.

Decidium: You use it to destroy other stuff. Also it might be a god? And you might worship it? But like, also while keeping it in a box?

Dependent: You put it in a box, and everything's fine, but you also have a legal and/or moral obligation to maintain it.

Dishwasher: sighs Let’s put a pin in that for now, please.

Downy: You put it in a box. Duck-related things occur.

Draugr: It itself doesn't need a box (maybe it's destroyed) but weird box-worthy stuff keeps happening and it's responsible somehow.

Drygioni: Your bosses are looking into it.

Echelon: It (and likely the box you have put it in) is currently you and your organization’s highest priority. In theory. This Object Class has never actually been used in practice, if any documents have it you can probably ignore them as being altered by something that should be in a box.

Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy: Ecophagy:…

Efla: You or one of your coworkers made the dang thing.

Ein Sof: You put it in a box designed to keep it exactly the way it is. And this was intentionally designed, by a god, maybe.

Ellipsis: You have a box. There is nothing in the box worth talking about or otherwise referring to. Trust me, it’s *really* not worth it.

Embla: You put it in a box, then use it to create more stuff that can be put in boxes.

Endeminis: It's technically part of the way your job functions, so instead of putting it in a box you just kind of keep track of it.

Enochian: You can't really put it in a box on account of it being a fundamental part of reality.

Entos: You wrote a file on it. The file is the box.

Eparch: You put it in a box, not because it needs to be in a box, but because it's connected to other stuff that might need to be in a box.

ERROR: Something’s wrong with your file. Check to make sure you entered the URL correctly.

Esoteric: Er, wait, that's what I'm already listing, can't you be more specific? The people who came up with all these other terms certainly didn't seem to have any trouble. Ether: Same meaning as Aether. It's been thousands of years and humans still can't agree how this word is spelled.

Ethical: You put it in a box. Then you let the Ethics Committee handle it. LET THEM HANDLE IT.

Exist: It’s everything, so you can’t put it in a box. Hopefully.

Finis: Nothing will need to be put in boxes anymore, which means you will no longer need boxes. (Well, like, you still need them NOW, we'll get there when we get there)

Flor Galana: It partially puts itself and other stuff in boxes, but you can't completely put it in a box.

Former: Regardless of whether or not you are trying to put it into a box, you and others will be memetically compelled to claim that it was something previously (the claims themselves are what matter here, regardless of whether it was and/or still is what is being claimed).

Foundation: It almost doesn’t need to be put into a box.

F***: Either you or someone else put something in a box (or tried to) and now circumstances have caused you to throw aside decorum and professionalism while filling the report.

Galileo: You can’t put it into a box… but you CAN destroy it!

Gevurah: It hurts the infrastructure of your job, and impedes various stuff your job is trying to do.

GOD: Calm down and check to see if there are any other versions of the file for it.

Gleipnir: You keep needing to put it in different types of boxes.

Glorious: Identical to Beautiful, except instead of putting it in a box you wear it on your head.

Gӧdel: It WOULD be Explained, but you need other things in boxes to explain it.

Hazardous: I thought this applied to all of these? Uh. It hurty, no touchy.

HANDLE_NOT_FOUND: Essentially the same as ERROR. Though you might want to read whatever file comes up VERY carefully.

Hariti: It’s one of your coworkers which means (at least in this instance) that it doesn’t need to go in a box.

Hera: It really doesn’t like you. But if you can, you will put it in a box and use it.

Hiemal: You put it in a box. Then you looked closer and realized it was multiple things keeping each other in boxes.

Hod: Instead of getting a new job, why not get your old one, but different? …Using a process kept in a box.

Ignosi: You cannot put it in a box because you don’t know it exists. In fact, nobody can know it exists. (wait, how does that work, if nobody knows they exist why is there a classification for them? did they like make it under the assumption that SOMETHING fit the criteria? like i know it’s for the readers’ benefit but all of this exists in universe right? or is this another “there is no canon” thing? goshdangit)

In Doubt: You put it in a box, and you would use one of the three main Object Classes (Safe, Euclid, Keter) but you can’t use the letter E for some reason.

Infohazardous Predator: Exactly what it says on the tin. You need to put it in a box.

Inimical: You put it in a box. In doing so you make it worse. Destroy it ASAP.

Instrumentum: You put it in a box, and then you and your organization (which, as you might have gathered, specializes in putting stuff in boxes) put it to use. So basically it’s Prodest but better. We’ll get to Prodest. Oh, we’ll GET to Prodest.

Integrated: You put it in a box. The box is called “being part of the company that puts stuff in boxes”. Also possibly therapy.

Irrelevant: You might be able to put it in a box but trust me when I say you don’t need to worry about it. Probably.

Israfil: You put it in a box. Then- wait, it’s what? Due to what? Okay so the thing it it’s… umm… sigh just look up Action 10-Israfil-A, it’s a result of that.

Interferelessed: In order to keep it in a box, you and everyone else at your job must have access to at least a partial file on it at all times.

Jerusalem: Regardless of if it’s in a box or not, you can go see it at any time. Something about this feels ironic.

Joke: You put it in a box. Exact details beyond that are extremely context-specific, so treat with caution.

Juggernaut: You put it in a box. It can cause the end of the world. Yes I know that applies to like everything, I didn’t make this object class!

Karl June: You put it in a box, because it is under the effects of SCP-6727.

Khonsu: You put it in a box and now you’re studying the heck out of it before it stops being something you can study.

Kronecker: In theory, it means that you don’t need to put it in a box. In practice, however, this only applies to one specific example, every other SCP labeled Kronecker has been altered from its original (more accurate) classification.

Kušum: You’ve given up for now on trying to put it in a box.

Legally Uncontainable: You cannot legally put it in a box, either due to your own governing authority or another. Or a… fast spreading burger company?

Maksur: You’ve separated it into parts, and put those parts into different boxes.

Malchut: Identical to Keter, and used in scenarios when using Keter outright isn’t an option. Not to be confused with Malkuth.

Malkuth: Advanced Non-Humans are putting it in a box. Hopefully. Not to be confused with Malchut (seriously, why do they DO this???)

Megiddo: Basically the same thing as Apollyon except the whole Doom thing has already happened.

Memet: It’s keeping itself in its own box.

Mendax: You put it in a box. Then determining exactly what occurs next is tricky as it alters information about itself. As such, this Classification doesn’t really get used. Not to be confused with Mendax. Mendax: Identical to Enochian, except you have to monitor it carefully because it’s still capable of causing the apocalypse. Not to be confused with Mendax. (If it helps, this one is originally written in the Cyrillic Alphabet as opposed to the Latin one.)

Moiety: You put it in a box. The United Kingdom depends on this.

Multiple: You put it in a box. There are differing reactions from different parts of it at differing times, so you’re gonna need to go into greater detail over which parts qualify as which Object Class.

Multiplex: You put multiple things in multiple boxes, but if you’re gonna go into detail about one of them you have to talk about ALL of them.

Mumar: You put it in a box. You cannot tell your bosses about it.

Mushrik: I’ve read this file like 5 times and I have NO idea what makes this SCP worthy of a unique Object Class, or what this Object Class is even supposed to indicate. I don’t understand.

Mutually Dependent: You put it in a box. It’s actually multiple things that, if separated, would no longer need to be in a box.

N/A: No, I am NOT going to describe even more weird exceptions than I already am! If it doesn’t have an Object Class, it doesn’t have an Object Class. MOVING ON!

Nagi: You put it in a box, but then it stopped needing to be in a box. You’re keeping it in the box anyway, just in case.

Necrospar: There’s no evidence it exists. But if it does, you’ll put it in a box.

Nehemoth: Instead of putting it into a box, you do your best to destroy it due to it being your enemy. …This isn’t one that the Foundation actually uses.

Nepenthe: ‘CAUSE WE COULD BE IMMORTALS, IMMO-ORTALS…

Netzach: You put it in a box, if necessary. It’s used to ensure the indefinite survival of the human race. Technically it’s more complicated than that and I wish people would stop turning planets into SCPs.

Nightfall_Meteor: No need to put it in a box, just observe. It’s capable of causing an apocalypse, but such an effect won’t last long so just make sure you’re prepared for it.

Non-Anomalous: You don’t need to put it in a box. Well, unless you’re trying to protect it from all the stuff around it that DOES need to put in boxes.

None: Oh for crying out loud what did I just say in the N/A section?

Null: You cannot put it in a box because it cannot exist, so don’t view it as something that exists.

Oblique: You might have put it in a box, it’s hard to tell right now since the general narrative structure that the SCP Foundation usually operates on is being altered.

Ogiel: You currently cannot put it in a box, and no efforts will be made now or in the future to put it in a box. Instead you’re just going to guard it and watch it to ensure nothing changes about it.

Olympus: You aren’t putting it in a box, because only your bosses know it exists. Assuming this Object Class actually exists in this reality.

Omnehet: Identical to Nehemoth, just run through the same infohazard that produced the latter.

Other: You put it in a box, and selected its Object Class from a drop-down menu.

Pagnum: It put itself in its own box. So now you’re watching to make sure that the box is satisfactory.

Pantokratōr: You can’t put it in a box because it’s too big. Guess you’ll have to wait until the next Smash Bros game, sorry.

Pausa: You’re no longer trying to keep it in a box because it doesn’t need to be in one, but it might need to be put in a box again in the future.

Petrus: You can’t prove it needs to be in a box, but you’re putting it in a box anyway because it’s too risky not to.

Principalis: You don’t put it in a box because you don’t know it exists. Your bosses do, though, and it’s their mission statement.

Prodest: You put it in a box. It’s useful. (WHY IS THIS AN OBJECT CLASS? NONE OF THAT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH CONTAINMENT?? SO WHAT IF IT’S USEFUL, IS THE FOUNDATION EVEN USING IT??? LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE OBJECT CLASS HAS GREATER REASON TO EXIST THAN THIS DOES. SCREW YOU PRODEST, YOU’RE THE WORST.)

Pudicitia: You put it in a box. While doing so you ended up hurting, damaging, or otherwise negatively affecting it. So now you’re helping it get better.

Radix: You put it in a box. Now it’s part of the chain of command.

[REDACTED]: Essentially the same as [DATA EXPUNGED]. Like. Obviously they’re different terms. But effectively they have the same result on what you’re able to do about it.

Rigoletto: It may or may not be difficult for you to put it in a box and keep it there. Depends on how people feel about it.

Robertson-Jackal: You put it in a box, and everything about that box is randomly generated (including the Object Class) to prevent its escape.

Saoshyant: You don’t put it in a box because it acts as your organization’s Patron Deity. Though considering the lore there might be multiple contenders for the title at this point.

Sapientia: Identical to Chhokmah, except not Jewish.

See Below: You attempted to put it in a box and what happened was pretty complicated so you’re just gonna talk about it in the bulk portion of the file for it. Somehow I can’t tell if this is better or worse than a lot of the other ones on this list.

Semel: Technically speaking this one doesn’t actually mean anything.

Sfae: You put it in a box, accompanied by a person or persons (possibly you) that must also stay in the box.

“Shadow’s Crown” Phenomenon: Fancy way of saying Thaumiel while avoiding certain effects.

Shrӧdinger: You put it in a box. In order to keep it in the box, you must record everything about it and connected to it. I can’t tell if this is funny or fitting.

Sistema: You put it in a box, but it’s made of a lot of smaller things, so putting it in a box will only work if all the things are together.

Simpatico: You have NO idea what is up with this thing or how to put it in a box, but it’s probably fine.

Skӧll: You put it in a box. Soon it will no longer need to be in a box. That, or it’s going to cause a lot of stuff (including itself) to escape their boxes with no end in sight. Or both!

Skótos: You put it in a box. You still don’t know a significant amount of things about it and how it works, but hey, at least it’s in a box!

Sofa: Analogous to Keter, approximately.

Spiritual: You can’t put it in a box because it transcends- okay, you know what NO. Stop with the metaphysical bullcrap we already have more specific Object Classes for all of this. And you, 4487, can shut up and die.

Spiteful Motherf*****: You put it in a box. It makes you really, REALLY angry at it.

Standard: The same thing as Safe, except it’s a robot who put it in a box and classified it.

Starveling: The Department of Surrealistics is probably on drugs.

Sunrays, Muted: Despite being sandwiched between Starveling and Super Keter, this one actually kinda makes sense in context.

Super Keter: You put it in a box while at Site-333. It probably still fits the definition of a “regular” Keter. Not that you’ll have any luck telling Site-333 that.

Symbolic: You only figuratively put it in a box. Also sorry did I say the Surrealistics Department was probably on drugs? I meant definitely.

TBD: Identical to Pending or Debated, but apparently used when ALL pertinent info is to be determined at a later time. Or to put it another way, you’re still in the process of putting it in a box, but you won’t be able to make any progress in that until later due to a complete lack of info.

Tempus: You put it in a box, but it messes with time, so you need to ensure that it has ALWAYS been in a box.

Tenebrarius: You cannot put it in a box because you are not allowed to know it exists. The same applies to your coworkers and bosses. Just you guys though, other people can learn about it.

Terminal: You put it in a box. You die. Now you’re in the box too.

Test: Doesn’t need to be put in a box as it doesn’t exist. This Object Class is reserved for dummy files used by bot testers.

the simpsons farting: I hope you guys understand how much making this list has broken me.

Thorleyan: You put two separate-but-identical things in identical boxes and ensure that they both stay identical and that they are aware that they are still identical.

Tiamat: It could become a huge threat to humanity. Buuuuut you can put it in a “box” by telling the world about all the other stuff you’ve put in boxes. No way that would go wrong.

Ticonderoga: You can’t put it in a box, but it doesn’t have to be put in a box.

Tiphereth: You put it in a box with something, and in order to keep it in the box you must routinely swap the other thing for another thing identical to the previous thing without it noticing.

Umbra: You may or may not be able to put it in a box. It has a direct effect on the appearance of other stuff that you’ll want to put in boxes.

Unclassed: You put it in a box (or at least attempt to), then deliberately avoid classifying it by the results.

Unconfirmed: Didn’t we already do this song and dance with Necrospar?

Uncontainable: Surprise surprise, you cannot put it in a box.

Uncontained: It is currently not in a box.

Undefined: You put it in a box, and you know how well that went down. You just can’t actually refer to it in any way for some reason, so you use this placeholder Object Class instead.

Unknown: Neither you or anyone else seems to know what is up with this, or how to put it in a box. But it probably needs one.

Urgent Reclassification Required: Another placeholder. Kind of exactly what it says. Don’t you wish they were ALL clear like this sometimes?

Uya: You can’t put it in a box YET because you haven’t found it, but you’re pretty sure if it doesn’t already exist it will eventually.

Yesod: Identical to Radix, but Jewish. I swear the SCP Foundation doesn’t have some weird antisemitic segregation going on, they just have so many Skips connected to Judaism that they have to clarify sometimes.

Youklid: Identical to Euclid, but you can’t document it properly so you have to verbalize it to a child to fill out the forms. Be very careful about these ones, they don’t usually end well.

World Ending?: You’re preparing to try and put it in a box, and you think it might be capable of, well, ending the world. Kind of a Placeholder Classification, not a real one. Pending before Pending for what might be really bad stuff.

Zeno: It took you a bit of effort to put it in a box, but it was never that much of a threat.

Zenzizenzizenzic: Remember what I said about the Surrealistics Department? If you see this Object Class, you are probably currently on their drugs. This applies to the Dishwasher Class too.

Zurvan: Similar to Enochian, except that it’s less that you *can’t* put it in a box because it’s a fundamental part of reality, and more that you shouldn’t.

53: You attempt to put it in a box, but this is difficult due to being unable to to gain much information about it, as well as the fact that it is actively trying to have an effect on you and your organization, among others. This may include trying to put you in a box.

Ѻмѐга-Титло: You put it in a box. You know it will inevitably escape the box, so you’ve constructed a convoluted pseudo-religion to manipulate the probability of its escape at any given moment to be later rather than sooner, in the hopes that you will be able to procrastinate said escape into never happening.

SubclassesNO I am NOT doing all the subclasses right now. I might do them if this is well received after I publish this online, but only after doing the Risk Classes and Disruption Classes first. Those seem more relevant as of late.

Now, the Fun Part:

WHICH ONE DID I MAKE UP?

#scp #scp foundation #scp fandom #this took hours #good luck figuring out which one is fabricated #idk how to tag this #object classes #no i do NOT know why it formatted weirdly sometimes #sorry not sorry

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