#gonna stick my fingers in his usb ports

[bueris]

BOOTHILL???? CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK YEEOUCH~

[leam1983]

The Dark Side

I hate Hewlett-Packard's PC division. I hate it with the fury of a thousand suns.

Long vent post. Logorrhea below. Clicky.

My go-to portable is 2022's edition of the Razer Blade 14. It's small, reasonably lightweight, it has an admitted paucity of ports, but at least two of them are USB-A 3.0. It's not terribly modular, but the hard drive is easily accessible and replaceable with any commodity M.2 or NVME solution you could think of. Thankfully, all the vendors that served as sources for the hardware are covered by Windows Update for drivers. The keyboard's the perfect size for someone like me who tends to stick his hands in one position near the Home row and that occasionally shifts up and down, and the Chicklet keys feel clicky, tactile and responsive. I can feel my typos as they happen, so I don't typically miss a lot of 'em.

Compare and contrast with what happens when a Boomer decides to buy a slab on the cheap. The HP CN000x "notebook" is a heaving monster that claims to be portable but that has the form factor of a Desktop Replacement, with seventeen inches of screen that more or less scream overkill for anything clerical. The keycaps are mushy and massive, they're spaced too far apart from one another to allow for comfortable muscle-memory typing or for sniping around your home row without looking down - and the Power button is somehow wedged between the F7 and F8 keys, all but guaranteeing that you're going to put your machine to sleep inadvertantly.

All of the above amounts to annoyances, however. What really gets me is what the vendor assumes to be entreprise-grade hardware and security features, when in fact it all amounts to a collection of bloatware and generally inexplicable features crammed at an entry-level price point.

Hardware-level encryption on top of the base TPM layer? She's gonna be fetching emails from her ISP's server and watching cat videos. Entreprise-grade offsite storage shoved in your face upon boot-up? I wouldn't give this shitty keyboard to anyone Corporate even if I actively hated a suit. Dedicated hybrid SSDs? We're in 2023, memory is dirt fucking cheap; there's no real excuse to be pushing spinning rust on someone who has about zero mass storage needs.

Then, there's the kicker: this is an HP laptop, and you cannot, in fact, simply flash a new OS on there and just expect it to recognize everything. You cannot, because the Live media you'll create also needs to receive driver packages specifically from HP in order for the rig to recognize its own hard-mounted and unremovable hard drives.

The only problem? Each fucking SKU has its own driver solution. You need to hit up HP's Support site, let it scan your hardware (rootkits, ew) and then narrow down its fuckjillion "matches" to the one missing driver file it has in its database. A driver file that doesn't, in fact, relate to those drives you're trying to format. A driver that relates to the equally-useless FC reader and that somehow also allows the hybrid drive to show up on the Drives list in a new Windows 11 install.

So, I found the driver, installed it, crossed my fingers... and it still didn't work.

Hunting online got me to see that while HP had shipped this particular line of 17-inch laptops with Windows 11, not all of the hardware was compliant with Windows installs that start at 22H2.

So, knowing I have some spare SSDs that won't throw a fit, I add one in. Zippo. This particular model only accepts proprietary parts. That's without mentioning how the four plus-sized Philips screws that held up the bottom plate were a lie, more or less promising some degree of accessibility only to expose a fucking moron's take on Apple's own closed-sourced engineering.

I mean, I have to hand this to Apple, at least - its hardware plans are graceful. Every PCB goes where it's supposed to and its connectors aren't unnaturally long in order to account for some oversight in general placement. There's no globs, no wasted space - and even if you're not supposed to, you get the sense that any sane person with a screwdriver can at least disassemble and reassemble your average iDevice without making too much of a mess.

HP? Fuck, HP is so concerned with being "helpful" that it buries base components you'd want to easily access - like the SSD or RAM - under a mess of daughterboards.

By this point, I'm on the verge of hunting down who sold that poor lady this hunk of junk and braining them with it. My one and only option is to submit to HP's in-built Recovery partition, which probably runs on the Devil's idea of soldered-on EMMC.

Flashing the SSD portion of a hybrid drive, on the 25th of July, 2023, on a reasonably modern processor and 16 GBs of RAM, took all of eight hours. Eight hours of waiting while Walt swallowed flies, as HP opted, in its infinite wisdom, to hack up Windows 11's installation wizard with a bevy of paid offers that obviously had to include a fucking McAffee antivirus trial. After digging, I realized I'd dodged about ten gigs' worth of bloatware.

Windows is running and so am I, as I'm the abomination's temporary Administrator, while I sort everything out. The second part of my woes is going to unfold tomorrow, as I have to explain to a senior citizen that Microsoft actually wanting to text its userbase to authenticate them at common access portals is actually normal. Couple that with the fact that she's so concerned with security that she's set in passwords consisting of Complete fucking sentences she hasn't bothered to note down anywhere, and restoring her accounts is going to be such a PITA I'm going to stop for schwarma after two hours.

Be a good Admin, if you can, and take a blowtorch to anything HP-branded that isn't a printer or a flat-bed scanner. Oh, and don't be afraid to remind tech-averse Boomers that if you aren't going to be taking this particular machine online and only need to fetch codecs and word processor downloads, then there's nothing wrong with having "123456" as an account password. They're not going to remember anything else anyway, and expecting them to make sense of alphanumerics or special characters in a password is a fool's fucking errand. They won't note it down properly and then they'll call you six months to a year later, complaining that their system is bricked.

Hewlett-Packard computers are bloated and heaving paperweights.

That is all.

[silver-snow-writes]

The thing with Jaytim and a lot of cats

This is a not! fic campfire I did on a discord server that I’m porting over here, I hope y’all enjoy the fluff. @inkyubus and @salazarastark helped a bit towards the end

———————————————————————

Okay. Tim is canonically a cat person and it has annoyed the hell out of me that Tim never got pets but Damian gets a menagerie, so I always give him a cat when given the opportunity by plot

Tim finds a pregnant kitty on his fire escape, and takes her in. He’s calling on Selina and googling everything he can after processing that oh right this is going to be a big change, and goes out to the pet store incognito to grab supplies

But he’s at the Crime Alley theater house apartment so Jason is out doing an early evening patrol, spots him, and gets curious. What’s he doing around here in civvies?

Jason tails him to the nearest pet shop, and back to his house, where he spots him playing with soon-to-be mama cat. He wants to be mad that Tim’s in *his* territory, clearly living here, but it’s hard to get too pissed when he’s giving a happy kitty belly rubs and smiling like that.

Jason’s seen him do confident Robin grin, dangerous “I’m gonna fuck you up” battle smirk, calming civilians smile, even polite Wayne heir curve of the lips. But smiling joyfully like this, eyes uncovered, clearly laughing a little as the cat demands treats? Something goes warm in his chest

Meanwhile Tim is feeling tired and stressed bc his life is a busy exhausting and traumatizing mess lately but it’s hard to think about the bad stuff when he has mama cat and her litter to think about. She’s clearly been a pet before and is so friendly and cuddly that it breaks his heart to think someone abandoned her. He gets her to the vet to check for a chip and get her looked over, and when there’s no chip that cements his decision that fuck it, he’s keeping her

He totally names her Arwen bc there is no way in hell a kid that was a DM for DC’s D&D equivalent isn’t a fan of LoTR. Arwen has to get mites and fleas removed but once she’s flea free she’s sharing his bed

Jason. Is still keeping an eye on him, subtly. Staying out of range of Tim’s security systems and Babs’s cameras and telling himself it’s all because he can’t just let the Pretender go unsupervised in his turf. And sure that’s part of it. But Tim’s actually pretty good about sticking to patrolling his own territory and that helps somewhat

And well. Jason regrets what went down during that mess after Bruce died. Was kinda shitty of him to repay Tim letting him out of jail by stabbing him in the chest and all. He’s a big awkward goober dealing with some guilt now that he’s more settled, so he has trouble figuring out how he should approach Tim and let him know that Jason is aware that he’s holing up in Crime Alley

He’s gotta do something eventually, right? Ah well. Can’t hurt to just. Watch him, every now and then. See him through the windows being a goofy new cat dad and a disaster of a teenage vigilante

(Jason, honey, things really have come full circle)

Eventually things get set in motion. LoS assassins attack Tim’s apartment, Arwen runs away bc scared kitty, Jason jumps in to help fight the assassins and then they go track down the poor baby. And some bonding and pining bc Jason is developing such a crush and also hot damn Tim fighting and winning is a sight to see

Tim is understandably wary about Jason but willing to give him the benefit of the doubt when he’s being helpful and even offering to assist him in finding Arwen. She’s due to give birth soon!

(It’s been about a month now and she was already about midway through when Tim first found her. Domestic cats are pregnant around 57-65 days, so around two months)

They end up running around asking the ladies of the night and various others if they’ve seen a pregnant long-haired tabby cat. Eventually they go back to Tim’s apartment as dawn is breaking, only to find Arwen is on his fire escape again and in labor

They get her inside, clean up, and Tim sets her down in his bathtub, petting her soothingly and fussing over her. Jason is still helping out and he just goes with it, gratefully accepting a can of Zesti and medical supplies

I foster cats irl so I know how this tends to go pretty well. Within an hour of labor starting Arwen will finish pushing out kitten #1 and each of the rest will come around 15-20 minutes apart. She’ll clean them up and eat the placentas, which is gross but perfectly healthy, and soon enough they’ll be nursing from her while she purrs and rests

Tim looked into it and well. He’s been around human deliveries before and this was honestly so much quicker that it was a relief

(He was there when Steph gave birth and has likely helped deliver babies as Robin bc pregnant women can and will go into labor when shocked, like being held hostage or getting hurt in an accident)

He sits back with a sigh and pays his full attention to Jason now. He hasn’t been fully ignoring him persay, still keeping an eye and an ear on him just in case, but he’s been. Surprisingly nice and nothing but helpful, Tim isn’t sure what to think of it. Jason’s staring at the kittens but turns to look at Tim when he notices that the younger vigilante is assessing him

There’s a long moment of increasingly awkward silence as they stare at each other while the newborn kittens are mewling and Arwen’s drifting off to sleep. Jason is the one that finally breaks the tension, rubbing the back of his neck and looking back at the kitties.

“So. Pretty cute cats you got here”

Jay immediately cringes inside because yeah, it’s true that the cats are cute as heck, but c’mon Todd address the scenario

Here’s inky’s contributions:

"yeah real cute when they're covered in blood and placenta" tim retorts and then wants to smack himself.

"it's ok. they're still adorable through the bodily fluids," jason's smile is so fond when he looks down at the kittens tucked tight into the curve of arwen's body that tim thinks he must be dreaming

he's never seen jason with an expression even close to fond or happy since he came back. jason is stroking arwen's tail with just the tip of a finger, smoothing down the crooked fur.

(Back to me again)

He hasn’t seen him look so happy since he was. Since he was Robin, and Tim was just a fanboy with a camera

(Inky)

"you like cats?" the question breaks jason out of his reverie.

"they were just always around. alley cats are cranky fucks, but city strays are never that afraid of humans. they'd come around and beg for scraps until someone chased them off."

tim hummed, scritching arwen between the ears. "you were pretty good with her just now."

there was a tiny flush on jason's cheeks. "might have invited one in for a few days when no one was home. chased her off before she could get too attached."

(Me)

“I always wanted a cat, but my parents hated them and Alfred said no. I found Arwen on my fire escape hiding from a stray dog and I just had to take her inside”

Eventually Tim offers Jason a cup of tea and Jason asks about the cats more. Arwen’s name comes up and leads into a talk about Lord of the Rings, bc they both read the series and loved it. And a debate comes up over something they saw differently but it’s still friendly

Maybe Tim liked the movies’ take better than Jason did and they argue the merits vs flaws of the adaption. But they both agree that the Hobbit movies are way less faithful to the book

By the time they’re done with the tea and their conversation the sun is up and Jason ducks out to go home, feeling butterflies in his stomach at the memory of Tim smiling and laughing at him. Tim is reminded why he used to have a crush, but still very watchful bc he thought things were getting better before BftC happened

He goes to sleep and wakes up to Arwen balefully glaring at him bc her breakfast is late

Tim got injured during the LoS fight and aggravated it while looking for his poor kitty, so in the end he’s not really up for patrol that night. He stays in his apartment and alternates between looking over case files on his laptop and checking on Arwen and her babies. He lets Oracle know he’s off rotation for the night and to let Cass patrol his territory bc she’s visiting, and settles in to do some hacking to find out why Ra’s sent the assassins last night and talking with Lonnie about Unternet developments

He’s in the middle of hacking a phone’s datastream to find footage taken by a teenager that noticed skulking shadows outside the windows when there’s a knock on his window, and he checks his security system expecting one of the Bats to have gotten past his sensors. It’s Jason out on the fire escape with a couple of bags in hand. Tim is confused, but decides to roll with it again. He’s just hoping that the duffle isn’t full of heads

Turns out Jason went looking and found the League’s newest base in Gotham, liberating some paper files, a couple choice weapons, several USB drives, and a laptop that had belonged to the squad leader. He offers to let Tim work with him on this because he wants “those sycophantic assassins out of my territory dammit” and obviously Tim’s involved anyway

They both check on the kittens every now and then. They’re still too little to be doing much but nursing, sleeping, and crying, but god are they precious. And Arwen is a tired but proud mama cat

Now let’s see...Arwen’s a long-haired brown tabby with green eyes (not at all based on my baby Zelda, of course *shhh*). The kittens will be named after the Hobbits—Frodo the black kitten with big blue eyes, Sam the ginger tabby, Merry is white with golden patches, and Pippin is the tiny little tabby runt that mewls loudest

At one point Jason picks them all up and makes a joke while carrying the four of them that they're taking the hobbits to Isengard. It makes Tim snort and then wince bc the injury that kept him in was to his ribs

Tim gets sick. Not like immediately but a couple days to a week or two in, and Jason ends up playing rough but sweet nurse while Tim tries to hide that he’s ill from the Bats. Maybe the ribs issue leads to him getting a cold that nearly turns nasty bc no spleen plus two incidents of death plague and numerous other things mean his immune system’s wonky

Tim’s a stubborn little shit who won’t stay in bed unless Jason picks up Arwen and the babies to put them on the bed with him. He’s not cruel enough to move the babies when they’re sleeping on him, is he? But he can still glare at Jason

Jason might sneak a few pictures. For blackmail, he tells himself. Sure Jason, we believe you. It’s certainly not because it’s adorable and makes you get the warm fuzzies

It feels significantly less adorable when Tim pukes in the trash can and drips snot everywhere but the bedhead and flushed face and some semi-coherent feverish babbling about Star Trek and ornithology helps

Jason remembers Alfred’s cooking lessons and puts them to use, Tim lets out an obscene moan when he starts eating the soup that makes Jason choke on his own spit like a dork

“Did you get this from Alfred? It tastes just like his!”

“Yeah, he taught me how to cook, before...y’know.” Jason is very proud of himself for remembering it correctly, if a bit sad that he hasn’t spoken to Alfred since before he died

“Oh.” Tim blinks owlishly at him, unsure how to respond. “Well. You did a way better job than I would have.”

Arwen chooses that moment to demand attention, meowing stridently and rubbing her face against his hand until he goes along with it and scratches lightly under her chin

———

And that’s all, folks. Will eventually turn this into a proper fic and give it an ending, but I hope y’all enjoy it as is for the moment

[enderon]

Now as a followup to my previous inccorect quotes post, here’s Torchwood with some B99 quotes

-------------

Owen: I didn't wanna do this, but I do know one way we could get the money.

Tosh: You'd make a decent prostitute.

Owen: I'd make an amazing prostitute!

-------------

Gwen: I can't wait to see the inside of Ianto's house. I'm gonna learn everything there is to know about him.

Tosh: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.

Owen: No, it's probably just an empty, white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

-------------

Ianto: I love how much you pretend to like "James Bond."

Jack: I like the second one.

Ianto: You don't have to.

Jack: Okay.

-------------

Rhiannon: Look at you. Always working. What happened to my fun little brother?

Ianto: Fun? I was never fun. You take that back.

-------------

Gwen: It's the most fun day of the year. Something you wouldn't understand because you're not programmed to feel joy.

Owen: Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade.

-------------

Owen: Do you want to know how I actually hurt my wrist?

Ianto: Yes.

Owen: I was hula hooping. I attend a class for fitness and for fun.

Ianto: Oh, my God.

Owen: I've mastered all the moves. *Shows photos on phone* The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie-doodle.

Ianto: Why are you telling me this?

Owen: Because no one will ever believe you. *Deletes photos from phone*

Ianto: You sick son of a bitch.

-------------

Owen: Thanks Dad ..... why is everyone staring at me?

Gwen: You just called Jack dad. You said ‘thanks dad’.

Owen: What? No I didn’t, I said ‘thanks man’.

Jack: Owen, do you see me as a father figure?

Owen: No! If anything I see you as a bother figure cause you’re always bothering me. 

Ianto: Hey! Show your father some respect. 

-------------

Ianto: Toshiko, I know that you hate Halloween, but stick with me, and I promise you, you will love it.

Tosh: Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?

Owen: "Kind, sober and fully dressed." Good news, everyone. We found the name of Toshiko's sex tape!

-------------

Tosh: I have a murder here with no leads and no evidence. It's unsolvable, and thus, shall have no paperwork.

Jack: You had me at "no paperwork".

Tosh: That was the very end of the sentence.

-------------

Tosh: Talk to him, that's what friends do.

Owen: Nope. I'm gonna wait 'til I'm on my deathbed, get in the last word and then die immediately. 

Tosh: That's your plan for dealing with this? 

Owen: That's my plan for dealing with everything. I have seventy-seven arguments I'm going to win that way.

[deputyrhysiepieces]

Andy Dwyer x Reader

Visiting the library was something Andy dwyer rarely did. In fact, he was sure Leslie would kill him if she found out. But this was extremely important.

“Guys, shh.” Andy shushed the camera crew, bringing a finger to his lips. “Don’t let anyone know I’m here. I just finished this awesome comic series and it ended on a damn cliffhanger! They were sold out online, it’s my only option.” He finished gravely, a mask of determination settling over his handsome features. He crouched behind a bookshelf, eyeing his target.

“It’s go time.” He attempted to roll towards the computers, knocking over a stand in the process. He army crawled his way over to the computer chair, hoisting himself up. “Bingo! Mission accomplished.”

His smile fell when he noticed a window still open from the last user.

“Huh. Hope it’s porn.” He giggled as he clicked on a folder. The USB drive was still stuck in the port. Suddenly he straightened, his face a cold mask. “This looks like a job for Burt Macklin. Rogue FBI agent. Recovering lost property…. Doesn’t sound cool though.”

As he rifles through the information he finds pages and pages written. It appears to be a book? Before he knows it Andy gets caught up in a thriller story of a rogue agent. Time flies by as he reads more than he has ever read in his life. But then it ends.

“What? No! Ugh, damn you cliffhangers!” He throws a desperate look at the camera. “We have to find whoever this nerd is and force them to write more! I must know how it ends!”

Andy vaults over a desk, sprinting off camera. He comes back, winded, a finger pointed towards the ceiling.

“I just realized, whew, that there might be more information on the stick.”

After searching the rest of the files, he finds what he hopes is the owner’s name.

“Y/N. Huh, sounds exactly like a nerd. C’mon, let’s see if anyone at the office can help.”

Once they got to the office Andy began asking around. He carried sticky notes that read “Y/N L/N CALL ME” with his number following that. They were posted every five feet from the library to here, even one on some kids dog.

“Hey, I heard you asking about Y/N?” Gary approached Andy while he was stealing more sticky notes from Leslie’s desk. Andy rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, uh, Larry unlike some people I’m trying to do my job. Burt Macklin. FBI.”

“Oh well, I know Y/N. She’s at the coffee shop every Saturday at nine. I met her when I used to get you guys coffee until you told me to stop because I kept messing up the order.” Andy’s eyes widened.

“We have a lead!”

…

Andy arrived at the coffee shop two hours early, quickly falling asleep outside the door. He woke up to a young woman nudging his stomach with her shoe. Her brow creased in worry when he laughed.

“Stop it, stop, I’m ticklish!” Realizing where he was, he leaped up, causing the woman to take several steps back. “Damn it! Did I miss her?”

“Um, miss who?”

“I was supposed to meet a girl here. She comes in every saturday at nine. Damn, I can’t wait another week!” He whined.

“Well, it’s only 9:30. Maybe she’s still in there?”

“Maybe.” He said dejectedly. She gave him a reassuring smile, leading him in.

They went around to every girl they saw, but Andy didn’t pay attention to any of them. When they were starting to get weird stares, she questioned him.

“Do you see your friend?”

“Oh, what? No, I’ve never met her.”

“You’ve never met her.” She repeated slowly.

“No, I just know her name. I found it on a flashdrive at the library.” Her eyes widened.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah! That’s it, do you know her?” He suddenly looked so excited she couldn’t help but laugh.

“I am her!” Y/N smiled as he engulfed her in a bear hug.

“I’ve been searching everywhere for you!”

“Um, Yeah! That’s great that you found my drive.”

“Yeah.” He pulled away and continued to stare at her.

“So, you have it?”

“Sorry, what?” Her smile faded.

“My flashdrive. Do you have it?”

“Oh no I left it at the library. But how does the story end? Does Cal ever get with Rebecca? How is he gonna get out of the basement he’s trapped in to rescue her?”

“Uh, I don’t know. But you left it? After trying to find me, you left what you knew was mine at the library?”

“Wait, what do you mean you don’t know? And the little box popped up that it wasn’t safe to remove. I thought it was like a bomb or something.”

“...A bomb.”

“Yeah, whatever, but what do you mean you don’t know?”

“Writer’s block, dude.” This guy obviously had a few screws loose. But otherwise he was cute. “How about I buy you a coffee? Maybe you have some ideas on how to continue?”

“That would be awesome! Yeah, I’m totally down for that. Cause I have no money.”

“What’s your name?”

“Burt Macklin. Oh, wait do you mean my real name? That’s Andy.”

“...Uh huh. I’ve certainly got inspiration from you, Andy.”

[celebritycrush-imagines]

Imagine

You flip the USB stick between your fingers, staring at a blank television screen. For now. “What’d you waiting for?”, your sister shows up behind you, with a fresh slice of your birthday cake. You jump from her voice. “Don’t scare me.” “I’m sorry, I just assumed you’d be all over the place by now. I remember I was.” You look at the little device in your hands. “What if it’s a letdown? I’ve been waiting for this my entire life. This is the moment we all wait for. Turn 21, and see who your true love is... What is he is just everything I did not want him to be?” 

“Well, he’s not going to be. He’s your soul mate. They can hardly be a letdown, right? You already love him somewhere in that heart of yours. You just have to find the face that belongs to it. Besides, it’s only a bit of fun. No one says you have to end up with this bloke.” “Yeah, well. It’s kind of a given. Not a lot of people refuse.” “Doesn’t mean you can’t at all. Sis, you’ll be alright”. You take a deep breath. Your sister smiles, handing you her plate of cake. “How about I go on a little walk? And then you can do whatever you feel like doing. Alone.” “No, I don’t want you to leave. I’ll go on that walk myself. Clear my mind”. She shrugs, “sure?” “100 percent. I’m not ready for whatever is on here.” “Take all the time you need.” 

It’s been a year. A freaking year. At some point you lost the USB, because you moved to your own flat, but just received a birthday card from your sister, congratulating you. With a small usb in the envelope. “Shit. Forgot about you...” And that was difficult to do, all your friends asked about your lover, and you had to keep telling them you hadn’t gotten around to seeing him. At some point they stopped asking. You take a deep breath and walk to your television. Do you even have a USB port? The AI assistant turns on, asking you to open the files on the USB. You step back a little, so you can stand in front of your television, now shining on the whole wall. “Open files”. A list shows up, with just one file. A video titled, me. You take a deep breath. “Play file”, you say softly, before shutting your eyes tight. The AI-lady makes you open them again. “Inform sender the video has been watched?” “Wait. I can do that? He’s been waiting for an answer for a year? Oops..” Taking another breath, you add, “inform sender”. Poor fella has been waiting long enough. The video opens and on your massive screen, you see an empty office. A little confused, you look around the poorly lit room. You can just make out a desk and chair, in front of a wall with two windows. The windows are closed with lamella, and in between the windows is a frame on the wall. It appears to be a photo of a tree, but you cannot see properly. “Close the blinds”, you say, realising you’re losing your voice. Your blinds close, making the outlines of the video more visible, but it’s still empty. This is what you’ve been too afraid of? An empty room? Is he hiding? “Hello”, a deep voice greets you loudly. You stand back. “Lower volume. Lower volume!”. A lot softer, you hear, “you must be terrified of this video. I know I’d be. Honestly, I don’t even think I’d play it. Just lose the USB somewhere. I didn’t even want to make this at first. But I felt bad. This is the first thing I will do for you. Ever. Gotta leave a good first impression, right?”. You smile. This is the first thing I will do for you. Ever. The first thing. The first. More are coming. “Are you ready to see me?” “No”, you answer. Well, you whisper. “I know I wouldn’t be. So I’ll count. To prepare you. Honestly, don't get your hopes up too much, it’s only me. Plain ol’ me. So here we go. On three. One... Two...”. It’s silent for a bit. “Two and a half..” You giggle a little, tears already in your eyes. Is it really possible you’re already into this guy? A frame shows up on the other side. Out of reflex, you squeal a little and close your eyes. Opening one eye again, you take in the features of the boy. “Three”. He has got both hands out. “Tadaa.” You smile at this very attractive guy, now opening both your eyes and walking a little closer to the screen. “You and I are a perfect match? You’re so far out of my league”, you whisper. “So, now that you’re overcoming the fact that this is what you’re gonna have to deal with.. Well, only if you want to.. I guess I should say happy birthday. 21 huh? The big birthday. I remember when I turned 21... I just couldn’t stop thinking about you and what I was going to do to you on your twenty-first birthday. I’m 23 now, in case you want to know”. He shrugs. “I was wondering how long it was going to take before I got the letter in the post with the empty USB. I was hoping it wasn’t going to take too long, never been amazing with big age gaps. And now here you are. Here we are, I guess. I don’t know how long it’ll be before I meet you in person. Honestly, take your time. I will always wait until you’re ready. But anyway. This is me.” He salutes with his fingers. “I guess I’ll see you around.” The video closes, and you notice for the first time the tears that have formed on your cheeks. This is your guy. Is this what you’ve been so afraid of? “Send reaction video to sender?”. The AI wakes you from your thoughts. “You were recording me? Dude, that’s so not ethical. You gotta inform people on that, man. What if I was picking my nose? But sure. Send it to him.” You sigh. “No! Wait. Send a message with it. Like, uhm. Hi. It was nice meeting you. I’m sorry I kept you waiting for so long. Guess what? I’m 22 now. And a day. I’m sorry that this is all you’re going to have to deal with too. I promise I look better with makeup. But honestly, this is what you’ll get on Sundays. And sometimes a Saturday. And about every morning”, you laugh, before softly asking, “Wanna go for coffee sometime?” Taking a deep breath, you add, “send”. 

a/n: Those Black Mirror writers hiring? ;) 

[delos-mio]

Cracking the Code - A Griff Series - Part 2

A/N: Chapter 2! Hope you guys enjoy the new story pic and the continuation of this story. Let me know your thoughts, reactions, predictions, etc! Big love!

6am and your alarm was sounding off on your nightstand. As your eyes wrenched themselves open, you saw you were alone in your own bed. Though you couldn’t remember falling asleep, let alone getting into bed, you were thankful you were able to get a good night’s rest. Immediately, your thoughts went to Griff. You couldn’t feel another body in your bed, which to you meant he probably left. Even though you had tried to brush him off and pay him no mind, somehow Griff had found a way to worm into your brain. You sighed, realizing how bummed you were that he wouldn’t be there when you walked out. No matter, you’d see him soon enough and you would need to focus on the job at hand.

You stretched your legs, letting your toes curl into the rug. Slowly you made your way to the kitchen, eager to throw on a fresh pot of coffee. To your surprise and delight, Griff was sprawled out on the couch, soft snores coming from his mouth. He had shed his shirt before going to bed, exposing a whole new set of tattoos to you. You stood back a bit, but kept looking at him for a moment.  He looked so soft and peaceful as he slept on your couch that was clearly too small for him to sleep comfortably; a stark contrast to his hard exterior. You smiled to yourself and turned back to start the coffee. The dark brown liquid had just begun to collect in the bottom of the coffee pot when Griff began stirring in the living room. Griff pushed himself up onto his elbows, looking around for the source of the smell that woke him up. When he finally saw you standing in the kitchen, a grin broke out on his face and was all the motivation he needed to actually get off the couch.

“Good morning, doll,” he smiled, his voice low and gruff with sleep. You jumped a little where you stood, startled by his sudden approach. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare ya,” he laughed.

“It’s ok, I should have expected it,” you smiled, leaning the small of your back on the counter. “Coffee?”

“Black, please.” Griff moved so his hands were gripping the counter top on either side of your waist, his body dangerously close to yours. His hair was sticking up wildly in every direction; you couldn’t help but think about how easily you could knot your fingers in it. He dipped his head down slightly to get a better look at you. “But first, how about a kiss good morning?”

“Well, I suppose you did follow all my rules,” you found yourself saying in a moment of weakness. Griff had completely worn down your resolve standing here, shirtless, his lips just inches from yours. You ran the tip of your nose along the crooked side of his. He took a step closer, pressing his chest to yours and letting his tattooed fingers run along the side of your face and push through your hair. His lips landed softly on yours, pressing firmly. The short hairs of his beard tickled your chin, making you smile into his kiss. Your body was screaming for you to deepen the kiss, but the anxiety of the impending job won out in the end. You pulled away slowly, resting your forehead on his. “How about that coffee?”

“I think I’d rather have more of that,” he purred, running his thumb over your bottom lip. You drew a breath in and let your eyes flutter shut.

“I think we should have coffee and get ready for this job,” you said weakly, barely convincing yourself that’s what you really wanted. You could sense Griff’s smirk even with your eyes closed.

“Whatever you say, doll,” he said before placing a kiss on your forehead and reaching for a mug.

----

The team sat in the car outside the bank just after 8. Baby was idling the car, Griff sitting shotgun. Buddy and Darling sat in the middle seats, looking out the window. You had made a camp in the backseat, laptop whirring in your lap. The clock hit 8:17 and you pulled the cameras offline, routing them to a drive you had stuck in your USB port.

“Alright gang, you’re clear to enter,” you called forward. “You have exactly 6 minutes starting now.” Buddy and Darling pulled their bandanas over their faces and exited the car. Griff turned back to you before suiting up.

“You got my back, Cat?” he grinned, raising an eyebrow.

“I’ll be watching you the whole time,” you replied simply, trying to hide your smile from him. Griff pulled up his bandana and jumped out of the car, leaving behind you and Baby.

Baby drummed along the steering wheel as you monitored the team inside the branch. Everything was going smoothly- Darling was quickly grabbing the cash as Buddy and Griff held up the patrons and staff. Watching Griff on the small screen of your laptop was making you grin like a school girl with her first crush. Once you realized what you were doing, you forced yourself back to a stoic and serious face, but Griff’s image was still burning in your brain. Baby soon shifted the car into drive, jolting you forward as he sped around to the predetermined exit point around the back side of the building. You continued to watch as the trio made their way down a long corridor leading to the exit.

“And…now,” you called up to Baby as he skidded to a halt in front of the door just as Griff kicked it open. The three of them jumped into the SUV as Baby hit the gas once again. The cops were just arriving as Baby flew off in the direction of I-85.

----

Doc had just handed out everyone’s cut from the job in the same warehouse where you had met the day before. The crew was slowly starting to break apart and take their leave, going on about what the cash would be spent on. It sounded like drugs and fancy dinner mostly for Buddy and Darling. You couldn’t help the eye roll you let out every time one of them opened their mouths. Of course, Griff would catch you mid roll and laugh to himself, never taking his gaze from you. Everyone had filed out, leaving the two of you sitting across the large table from each other.

“So now that we’re not coworkers, or whatever reason you had for turning me down,” Griff started as he made his way over to the stool next to you, “What do you say to dinner with yours truly?”

“Like a date?” you asked, raising an eyebrow. He scooted the stool closer, the subtle smell of his mint gum pulling you in.

“Yeah, like a date. I can pick you up, bring you flowers, take you out to a nice dinner, and fuck you until you can’t walk after,” he smirked, running his hand up your thigh. The contact made you shiver with anticipation. You had told yourself no more work distractions, but he did make a compelling argument- you technically were no longer working together. The electricity that had been building between you was driving you crazy. Maybe you should just fuck him and get it out of your system. You looked into his dark eyes, his jaw rising and falling with each smack of his gum.

“What makes you think I’m gonna fuck you on the first date? What kind of girl do you think I am, huh?” you teased. You wanted to let him know, in no uncertain terms, that you absolutely would. Thinking quickly, you reached over and ran your thumb along his bottom lip, making his jaw go slack. You let your fingers slide in just enough to snatch his beloved gum from his mouth. You popped it between your own teeth, never breaking eye contact with him. Griff’s eyes were wide in awe as he watched your jaw pick up where his left off. A huge grin sprang onto his face.

“Who the fuck are you?” he said with a voice full of lust and wonder. You laughed and looked away from him, suddenly aware of how forward you were being and how much you were undoubtedly blushing.

“No fancy restaurant and no flowers- I’m allergic,” you finally agreed.

“I’ll pick you up at eight, baby doll,” he winked before abruptly pushing back in his stool and slinging his leather jacket over his shoulder. You watched him as he stepped into the elevator and turned to look at you one last time. He pursed his lips and blew a single kiss your way before sliding on his sunglasses as the steel doors snapped shut in front of him.

TAGS: @pathetically-inlove @hunter-demigod-timelord @thisgirl-knm

[aliverosencrantz]

Spooky Scary

Plastic skeletons hung on walls outside of houses, some clanking together in the wind, now in full daylight but soon they would be lit only by the dim light of Jack-o-lanterns. Middle-aged men and women got in their cars and drove to the supermarket to load up on sweets and chocolates, while little children bounced their way to school like they were on a pre-emptive sugar high.

Parker loved Halloween. He also kind of hated Halloween.

-

“Just say it one more time, I want to make sure I’ve got this right,” he asked to probably the only person he wasn’t terrified of inconveniencing.

“Okay,” Terra said with a smile. “So the party’s starting at five, but you can just come straight home with us if you want.”

He shook his head. “I need to go home for my costume.”

“Right, well, you know how to get to my house, right?”

He nodded. Well. He wasn’t really sure how to get to the Saffron household, because no matter how many times he’d done the route, he sucked at directions, but he’d figure something out. If all else failed, he could text Isabelle and get her to virtually walk him through getting there, or he could just get lost on the streets and bother no-one. One or the other.

“I’m really excited for this party. It’s going to be really fun, we’ve decorated the house all super spooky and everything, everyone’s going to love it!” When Terra spoke about things she liked, she always tilted her head a little closer and smiled with her eyes and maybe laughed a little, but not because it was funny, just because it made her happy. She was doing it right now. The smile was infectious, and he grinned, not his nervous grin but a genuine one.

Parker took a quick look at the time on his flip phone, then pulled his schoolbag up onto his lap. “Can everyone come?”

In a fraction of a second, all the light and smileyness in Terra’s face died. “Unfortunately,” she said. She sighed and stared in Parker’s direction, but she wasn’t staring at him. She was staring past him, and Parker turned around, trying his best to follow her line of sight.

Rose and Cedrick sat at the next table. It was impossible to tell what they were saying, but Rose had her laptop out (one of the shiny Apple ones, of course) and she kept tapping on his shoulder and he kept shaking his head until finally he gave in and turned his attention to her screen. He watched whatever it was with a confused frown for a few moments while Rose stared right at him, grinning.

Terra’s voice was hard to hear now over the general din of the cafeteria, but Parker could just about make out, “What is she…?”

Something must have happened on the screen, because Cedrick jolted. He immediately went very red in the face, folded his arms and said something vicious to Rose before collecting his things and walking away.

Parker looked at Terra for an explanation of what the heck just happened.

She didn’t seem to notice his pleading look, just kept staring at Rose and shook her head. “I swear, if she pulls anything fishy at the party, I’ll end her.”

Terra’s American accent was barely noticeable most of the time, maybe because he was so used to it, but it seemed to get only more intense when she got angry. Right now she was bordering on Disney Channel levels, which made Parker worry a little. Even if he knew Terra wouldn’t hurt him, and that her anger was elsewhere directed, it still made his stomach flip when he managed to notice that kind of tone in someone’s voice.

“Oh! Don’t worry,” she said, with a smile considerably more put-on than the last one. “It’ll be fine, I guess. I just wish no-one invited her?”

Parker was about to nod when the bell rang, “See you at break,” he said, and Terra nodded before they both scurried off to their separate classes.

Parker got pretty far before he realised he had no idea where he was going. He stopped in the middle of the corridor to get his timetable out, causing a lot of exasperated sighs and hands pushing him aside to get through. He really hoped he didn’t have Maths first thing…squinting at the colour-coded boxes for a moment, and tracing the lines of the columns and rows with his finger, he was able to say pretty confidently that he had tutor group first. Which he realised, after a moment, was in the exact opposite direction than he was walking.

He had to sprint against the one-way system to get to class on time. The teacher eyed him with some weird emotion he couldn’t identify. Parker, panting, went to his table in the back of the room.

The table was just him and his elbow partner, who wasn’t here yet. The gentle buzz of chatter in the room felt safe and normal, and Parker got out his notebook and pencil case. The pencil case was a ratty old thing now, but you could still just about make out that it was designed to look like a loaf of bread. Parker laughed every time he thought about that—who would put PENCILS inside BREAD? He unzipped it and took out his pencil, which was now pretty tiny from having been sharpened so many times. The led was always snapping, so he pressed extra-lightly as he started to doodle on the lined paper of his notebook. He drew a pretty general Halloween scene at first, just some pumpkins with funny faces and a few bedsheet ghosts. His lines were shaky but he drew one of the ghosts with a Jack-o-lantern on her head, which was completely hilarious and he had a small giggling fit in the back of the room. It was then that he felt a certain presence beside him, and he swivelled around to look. Sure enough, it was Sena, taking her seat beside him with a tired kind of smile.

“Sena-sensei!” Parker greeted her excitedly. “Uh…ohayou desu?”

Their Japanese lessons were going well enough, and his pronunciation tended to be fairly spot on, but the grammar was a struggle.

“Ohayou gozaimasu,” she corrected not unpleasantly. “Or just ohayou. That’s more casual.”

He nodded and scribbled down a note in his book that he would definitely not understand when he looked back at it later. “Ohayou,” he said, and felt kind of proud of himself. “Oh!”

Sena raised an eyebrow at his exclamation.

Parker was buzzing. “Sena, Sena! How do you say ‘Happy Halloween’ in Japanese?”

Her smile changed. It was still a smile, but one with some sort of different meaning Parker couldn’t quite decipher. “In Japanese, it’s usually just ‘Happi Harouiin’.”

Parker paused. “That’s…that’s just ‘Happy Halloween’ in a Japanese accent.”

“I mean, it’s a borrowed concept, so we just render it in katakana.”  

“Right, let’s get going, kids,” the teacher said. “So we’re going to talk today about the Christian influence on the modern celebration of Halloween.”

Sena said under her breath, “Oh, great.”

Parker frowned. “I didn’t think that would be your kind of thing.”

“It was sarcasm,” she said.

So Sena had been trying to joke with him. He decided to return the favour, but in a language he understood. He leant in as close to her ear as he could manage and whispered, “What room do ghosts not need?”

She grunted, and he guessed that basically meant “I don’t know, what room do ghosts not need?”

“The living room!”

Parker fell apart laughing, and half the class turned to look, and Sena might have smiled, if he squinted.

-

In French, the teacher said they could watch a movie instead. “You’re not going to listen anyway—it’s Halloween, for f…God’s sake.”

Rose stood up from her seat at the front of the class. “Ooh, sir!” she called. “I have a memory stick with movies on, I actually have the French dub of Princess and the Frog, which is like, totally scary and in the spirit and it has English subtitles and—”

“Yeah okay whatever.”

Parker thought it was probably a little strange to carry around a memory stick with movies on it that included French dubs of Disney masterpieces, but he guessed Rose was a lot smarter than him so maybe she could predict when really specific things would be useful. She grinned as she walked to the front of the class and stuck it into the USB port, and Parker felt uncomfortable, because every time Rose smiled it meant bad things. Still, he tried to swallow down the feeling and pulled out his phone to muck about until the movie was on. What to do…he decided to send a text. He may as well use all his texts for the month, seeing as they wouldn’t roll over to the next.

To: Citrus<3

“Je suis dans mon class de francais”

Cedrick wouldn’t answer until he was out of class, obviously, because even with explicit permission from a teacher he wouldn’t feel right going on his phone in class. Parker understood that, and knew he wouldn’t be getting a response until lunchtime. Texting Cedrick still made him feel somewhat better. He knew his French was probably awful, even though he couldn’t see the mistakes. He was kind of looking forward to a lecture on exactly what grammar he’d screwed up. Cedrick was one of the only people willing to discuss the intricacies of French grammar with him and it was probably the reason he wasn’t failing the class, so.

The movie flickered onto the SmartBoard and Rose took her seat again. “No need to thank me, guys,” she said to the class, which got some funny looks from pretty much everyone.

Parker liked this movie. It came out when he was nine or ten and his mum took him to see it as a special treat. He had loved the magical feeling of seeing a new Disney princess film in a movie theatre, and had cried three times in the course of Tiana’s adventure. It was different in French, probably, and he couldn’t really understand most of the words, but it was still nice. He remembered most of the dialogue anyway so it didn’t really matter.

It was in Dr Facilier’s song, Friends from the Other Side, when things started to get weird. Parker was enjoying it in that extremely on-edge way he enjoyed scary songs, and trying to recognise as many words as he could. So far he was able to comprehend “mes amis”, probably because he was specifically listening out for those words. He was gonna tell Cedrick about it at lunch or something, and maybe Cedrick would be proud and—

A shriek erupted from the SmartBoard, and the picture flashed to the picture of the Scary Maze Game girl. Parker didn’t have time to process what was going on. He screamed along with the noise and felt tears prick at his eyes as he hid under the desk. His body shook like a leaf and he hugged his knees close, trying to convince himself that maybe the monster wouldn’t find him. A few minutes passed, and whatever was happening around him was like a distant buzz of static. Nothing made sense. He just tried to breathe, closed his eyes, thought about his friends, Terra and Cedrick and Tessa and Isabelle and Sena and his mum. He told himself jokes inside his head. What do you get when you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? What do you call a fish with no eyes? Okay, he was calming down, he could see again and he could vaguely understand his surroundings, maybe, though it still felt like viewing them underwater and through smoke at the same time. He peeked his head above the desk.

“Happy Halloween, everyone!” That was Rose’s voice. It sounded…happy? Of course it did, it was Rose.

Mr Jackson has his brow furrowed, but he spoke all weird and disjointed, like he was trying not to laugh. “That’s detention, over lunch, Miss Tokas.”

Rose shrugged. “Fair!”

Parker kind of hated Halloween because the pranks weren’t funny.

“Look, Parker, are you alright?” Mr Jackson asked. Parker could only muster shaking his head and then darting out of the room to sick bay.

-

He didn’t go home. He stayed in sick bay until lunch, then he went back out to eat with Cedrick.

“So I got your text, like, five minutes ago,” Cedrick started, “I’m really impressed by the effort, and you’re surely improving, but there’s still a few mistakes.” He sat down, Parker sat down beside him. “First of all, your use of dans is a little unnatural to say the least and—are you okay?”

Parker followed Cedrick’s line of sight to Parker’s own hand, which was shaking a little. So he still wasn’t feeling all that great, or at least, his body still needed time to recover.

He shrugged. “Rose played this movie in French, and…”

“Oh Jesus, her dumb Princess and the Frog jumpscare thing?” Cedrick groaned and leant forward, resting his head in his hands. “I didn’t think she’d be brazen enough to use it in class! I mean, really, who does she think she is?” He opened his mouth as if to keep going then looked at Parker and gave a kind of conciliatory smile. “Sorry. I should have thought, and told a teacher, or at least warned you.”

Cedrick bought him lunch, one of the few vegetarian options the school offered, some shitty pasta thing, except today they were marketing the sauce as “blood sauce” so they had to ask to be sure it was suitable. Over a mouthful of his own serving of weird “vampire pie”, whatever that meant, Cedrick asked, “So what are you dressing up as today?”

“It’s a surprise!” Parker said, getting his smile back, hands probably no longer shaking.

Afternoon classes were fine, nothing particularly memorable. Just teachers trying to engage the kids with random spooky stuff. Parker felt kind of on edge, constantly having ghosts on his mind, but it wasn’t too bad. He pulled through until club time.

“Alright, motherfuckers, who’s ready for the party of their lives?” Xaidan called, sliding into a chair beside Cedrick.

Nadia was sitting on one of the counters around the side of the room, right beside the sink for chemicals and stuff. “Yeah, don’t worry guys, it’s definitely not gonna suck.”

Parker could feel his pun senses tingling.

Sena had her eyebrows raised, but what else was new.

Terra sat down beside him, on the side closest to Rose, like she was shielding him from Rose with her body. “It’s gonna be spooky!” she said, but then turned to Parker and said, “Not too spooky though, don’t worry!”

-

Parker told Cedrick he was going to walk to the Saffron’s house alone, to which Cedrick laughed. Parker blushed and frowned a little.

“Ah, sorry,” Cedrick said, clasping his hands together. “That was a little assholey, just…no, I mean…”

Parker sighed. “Fair. We all know I’m gonna get lost.”

“I’ll come with you!” Cedrick blurted out. “That’s okay, right? I know how to get to Xaidan’s, so we can get there proper on time.” He smiled a little nervously.

“Uh, sure!”

“Great. Okay, let’s go.”

The walk to Parker’s flat was largely spent holding hands and telling dumb jokes. Cedrick explained the difference between dans and en, and they discussed which was scarier, Facilier’s death or the whole other mother thing in Coraline.

When they got to the flat, Parker’s mother was home. She gave Cedrick the same weird look she always gave him, but let him sit down on the sofa and have a cracker anyway while Parker went to get changed.

Parker didn’t like looking in the mirror, but he did quickly look himself over to make sure he hadn’t put on the outfit backwards or something. He tried not to look himself in the eyes—or the eye, thanks to the eye-patch—instead just smoothing down his clothes, making sure they didn’t show too much of his body shape and then deciding he was good to go.

“How do I look?”

Cedrick and Mum looked up, Cedrick from his phone and Mum from her laptop. They both smiled, looked at each other, then looked back at him.

Parker was dressed as a pirate captain. He had some cheaply made but admittedly clunky boots on his feet, and shitty black trousers made out of something that felt kind of like cheap satin. He had a black waistcoat of the same material over a stripey white and green shirt, and a red sash tied around his waist. Over his right eye was a black plastic eye-patch from some kids’ party set out of Poundland. The real pinnacle of the outfit was the hat on his head: a black pirate captain’s hat with a skull and crossbones in the middle. In each hand he held a shiny plastic toy cutlass. He was a tiny pirate, and he looked great.

“Parker, honey, you’re adorable!” Mum said, closing her laptop, shoving it aside and coming up to get a closer look. “Aw, give us a twirl?”

He laughed a little and spun in a quick circle. “Hey Mum, do you know any good pirate jokes?”

She frowned. “Sorry, I don’t think so, but—”

“Neither do AAAAYE!” Parker squeaked a little on the last word but he doubled over laughing. His mother laughed too, helping him stand up straight again and making sure he didn’t straight up topple to the floor.

“You look great,” Cedrick said. Parker rubbed at his eyes to focus them and saw his boyfriend standing up too.

Parker smiled so hard his eyes screwed shut. “Thanks!”

As soon as they were out the flat and on their way to the Saffron house, Cedrick turned to Parker and chortled. “Okay, I didn’t say it because your mum was there, but the temptation to be like, Nice booty…”

They both stopped a moment to laugh and pressed their foreheads together.

“Are you going to dress up, Citrus?” Parker asked.

“Hm? Me? Oh, no, not really my thing.”

Parker took off his pirate hat and placed it on Cedrick’s head, then tangled his finger in a strand of Cedrick’s hair. “You’re my first mate now,” he declared proudly.

Cedrick grinned at the floor. “No, I can’t take your hat, that’s yours, it looks great on you—”

“We’re pirates together now,” Parker insisted. “Here, take one of my swords.” He pushed the handle of one of the swords into one of Cedrick’s hands.

So Cedrick paused, and then he nodded. “Arr!” he said all of a sudden, making Parker jump a little. “Oh shit, sorry!” He put his hands on Parker’s shoulders in what was probably supposed to be a calming gesture. “Well, Cap’n Parker,” he said more quietly this time, “as yer chief navigator, I reckon we should go…North! Follow the waves, arr!”

Parker followed Cedrick and grabbed his hand. “You sound Scottish, not Pirate.”

-

“AVAST YE!” called a voice that didn’t come from anyone in the living room. Nadia and Sena looked at each other.

Xaidan frowned. “That sounded like…?”

And into the room paraded Cedrick in his normal boring clothes, except now he was wearing a pirate hat and holding a fucking sword.

“What,” said Sena.

“Arrr!” Cedrick said, and everyone was probably too stunned to laugh. “Ye’d better give up all yet booty, because Cap’n Parker’s here to steal all yer doubloons!”

“Arr!” Parker appeared from behind him.

Terra clasped her hands together in delight. “Parker, you’re so scary!”

“Not as scary as Cedrick’s accent,” said Sena. Nobody heard her.

-

“It’s funny,” Nat said. “I always imagined Sena would be the vampire, but you’re pulling it off pretty well.”

Nadia grinned, showing fake giant canines. “Watch this.” She turned to Sena. “I vaant to suck your blaaaahd!”

Sena pulled her witch’s hat down over her eyes. “I will kill you in real life.”

“With a hex?”

“Shut. Up.”

-

Rose crashed through the door dressed as Satan, with a big cardboard box-container-thing of something in each hand. “What is UP, fucks?!”

Terra rolled her eyes.

“Anyway, I brought alcohol, so let’s all get wasted as fuuuuck!”

“This is not that kind of party!” Terra’s voice went so high it almost sounded like a whistle.

Rose shrugged, put her boxes on the floor and took out an alcopop. “Who wants the first drink?”

Blue shuffled up, took the drink out her hand in one smooth move and went to the corner with it.

“Blue, no!” Nat said, voice cracking a little.

Rose laughed.

-

“There is no way anyone here will pass as a kid, why are we even bothering with this?”

“I agree with Mordov,” Sena said with no tone in her voice.

Xaidan and Cedrick both pointed at Parker.

“…Point taken,” Mordov admitted. “He looks about twelve.”

“I’m thirteen!” Terra said.

Mordov pressed his lips together in a kind of ‘welp’. “I mean, he still looks younger…sucks, I guess, but what can you do?”

They set off for the nearest house with a Jack-o-lantern, and with his hat back and the little pumpkin-face sweets bag hanging on the tip of his cutlass, the people were more than happy to shower him in sugar.

By the time they went back to the house, there was just about enough for everyone.

-

The “party” wasn’t exactly wild. It was sixteen kids sitting in a living room listening to a Disney Halloween CD (almost everyone sang along to ‘Be Prepared’), occasionally with Nadia’s mum poking her head through the door to give them cake and stuff.

A couple of times, a little black shape flitted by the window and Sena tensed up. When that happened, Nadia squeezed her hand and smiled and after a moment everything was normal again.

Sena had considerably more than what would be her share of the sweets and was eating them methodically, one thing after the other, and smiling a little as she made a little pile out of the used wrappers.

“How do you have that many sweets?” Cedrick asked, exasperated. “Look, we had a plan, we has a rule that we would share the sweets evenly, and—”

“Shut up and stop being a communist, Ceddykins,” Rose said through a yawn. “It’s just sugar. No big deal.”

Xaidan reached out as casually as she could muster to try and steal a bar of chocolate from Sena’s pile. Sena slapped her hand away and gave her a warning glare.

“Aw, c’mon Sena, play nice,” Nat said.

Sena laughed joylessly. “I’m not sharing.”

“You know,” Blue said, putting their hands together and leaning forward, “I could really do with some more sugar. And also some more alcohol.”

Nat threw a pack of Skittles at them, and it hit them in the back of the head. “That’s all you’re getting.”

Blue pouted. “That’s no fun.”

Nat shook his head, slipping several more sweets into Blue’s pile.

“Since you’re American, we don’t have to do anything dumb, right?” Rose stretched and took off her devil horns, without which her makeup looked very dumb indeed. “Like, dooking for apples or whatever it’s called?”

Nadia blinked. “What…the fuck is that.”

“Biting apples in a tub of water,” Isabelle explained.

“Did someone say biting?” Nadia said. She leant in close to Sena’s neck. “You know vat I vant to suck?”

“I have nooo idea,” Sena said, with her voice devoid of energy, like the sugar had just been drained out of her.

“Hey, here’s an idea,” Terra said. “Let’s watch a movie.”

They ended the night watching The Nightmare Before Christmas, and because he could just hide behind Terra or Cedrick when it got too much, it was just the right amount of spooky for Parker.

[generositykilledthecat]

Delirium in Low C interlude

Prologue:

“Lets see the stars collapse again!” “Sure, let me get the tea started and I’ll be right over.”

The Milky Way from afar, resembles an evaporating spacial puddle. Flashes of swirling-light mimic enormous solar flares...

“Jo, maybe we’re in the wrong.” “How do you figure?” “My gut feels strange. What else do we do now?” “We live Lil.”

On the telecom in pod BX100, a message plays on the loud speaker: This is only the beginning. After the “ing,” fizzles out like a distorted AM radio signal, Lil asks Jo, “Where did that come from?”

“Probably some random acolyte trying to pull a fast one. I’ve got the coordinates here and they’re obviously spoofed because we’re near Market Tink. Remember those ANTEEN toys?”  “Oh yea!” “Occam’s razor my friend!” 

Lil’s sweat pours from their eyebrows. “Lil you look like you’re having a panic attack.”

P 1. Ereii.

Intercom speaker: Unter Gabvin EKLOK 784. Segal Boonter EKLOK 497. Wolfgang Bauermunt EKLOK 209. Three chemists enter the first foyer, of the EKLOK-station at Pharm-Land 029. Before entry, their pupils, fingernails and lip pouches are scanned with CERAS [Check Entry Ready Assignments]. 

“Ein Unter, Ein Segal, Ein Wolfgang, step on the mats please.” After 2-3 seconds, all workers are granted access to the EKLOKs. The EKLOK pods are stacked with hundreds of vials in each pod. Every vial contains 5mm of a neon blue serum. The serums are meticulously labeled and categorized, in accordance with FEDERATION processing standards.

In sync, Segal, Unter & Wolfgang, put on alabaster suits. They are equipped with built in gloves, a clay like-mask & vanta ear protection. Then, they are sprayed from head to toe, with a translucent fluid called “Argax.” Finally, the prep-work is finished. Unter motions over to the “L,” labeled vials. Segal and Wolfgang march over to the J and P labeled vials. On Earth in specialized labs, you’ll see hundreds of peptides preserved in special tubes, microscopes, HAZMAT chemicals, an eye wash station, and other PPE’s. Pharma land-labs operate with as little “hands on,” interaction as possible. 5 droids perform the categorizations & labeling tasks for 10,000 EKLOK sets (so 10,000,000 vials total). However, you still need highly skilled chemists on the floor, ready to “check,” the inputs & outputs. They must match the initial “serum,” sets shipped from the Para-Federation hierarchs.

“CODE WHITE CODE WHITE EXIT THE FACILITY THROUGH 2B!”

Two cloaked figures whizz through the L, J and P directories. Bipedal creatures moving like blurs, meaning, the intruders are not human.

Another loud speaker message is announced,“Two Zars have entered the facility use caution!”

Unter panics for a few seconds. He shakes his head, and then slaps his cheeks. On autopilot, he gets down on his knees and army crawls, to a calibrated-invisibility-bunker, away from the “2B,” exit point. Segal and Wolfgang find a special door on the outer perimeter, that usually, only grants programmers access to the quantum-computer systems. During emergencies the “doors,” open for 1 minute then, they close again. With 10 seconds to spare, the colleagues run, duck & scoot, under a plastic table decorated in java, open sweetener packets & shattered USB 10 ports. Wolfgang sees a young man stick “bricks,” of confidential data, into “a zapper.” The electric waves protruding out of the appliance, startle the chemists.

“Shit Wolf, I can’t believe this.” “If this is Hankar’s doing, we’re fucked!” “Pfft, you’re only thinking of the incident report-protocol.” “Guilty.” “Well, hopefully they don’t find us. But if they do find us, at least you won’t need to do that incident report!”

The two beings race through the A-Z “EKLOK,” barracks . One of them accidentally knocks over the J and L vial-sets.

“Goddamned Skell!” “Like it’s gonna matter, we already have the information we need.” “You’re leaving a paper trail you idiot!” “Whatever, lets just get out of here.”

Hanker palms his brows, shivers a bit, bites his tongue and stares at Skell, like it would be his “last ever fuck up.” They escape by slithering quickly up the walls to the ceiling.

On the ground, two broken vials lie on the floor, in the J and L sectors. Next, the serum is let loose, & two streams of midnight-blue vapor evaporate into the atmosphere. That is where this story begins: 3 conduits, two antagonists.

C1. Origins.

Segal’s great grand father Evan Boonter, was a well-respected biochemist, at Berlin University, during the turn of the 22nd century. 4-5 years before the “mass migration.” He adamantly stated, that he “didn’t want to leave Earth,” without having done extensive testing on his “consciousness bubbles.” His closest colleague Stefan Grenwald, closely observed his experiments. Evan insisted, that he needed an extra pair of eyes and hands, to document everything he did when the day hours ended. Both of them, worked for a solid 2 and a half years (12 hour days, maybe 2 days off during a given week) on the project. After 500 days of trial and error, they made a breakthrough.

“Stefan I cracked it!” “Like the ultimate it?” “I think I’m more exhausted right now, than relieved but yea we did it brother.” “When do we perform the final test?” “Tomorrow afternoon.” “In theory this should be the last test we ever do, and then we can forward our work over for publication.” “Thank allah, god, buddha jesus, I don’t even know anymore!”

Evan began to sob uncontrollably. Stefan sunk to his knees and stared at the ceiling, breathing the heaviest sigh of relief. Evan figured out how to synthetically create a life force.

“Brother why don’t we just do it now?” “Do we have a test subject?” “Yea, I built her. Her name is Jen.” “Is that what you were doing on your days off”

The two exchanged tired chuckles. “Alright Stefan, lets see how Jen reacts.”

Jen was in the room behind Evan. She looked like a stewardess. Her clothing: uniform, her eyes, a brilliant emerald green.

Evan responds stoically, “At least you didn’t make her blonde haired and blue eyed.” The NEO NAZI resurgence in Berlin before the great migration, had made an eerie come back.

“When will those simpletons realize their way is dying?” “Stefan, they’re being left behind. You don’t need to be so redundant.”

Stefan shrugs off Evan’s statement. He then picks up Jen, and places her into a translucent oval shaped chamber. On the bottom section of the “egg,” one hundred buttons all color coded (green, yellow, red and blue), are lined up in uniform rows of 20. “Evan, I’d like you to inject the serum please. It’s your gift to humanity.” “I don’t know if I’m functional right now.” “Please Evan.”

Evan picks up the test tube with the first-ever CB serum. He places it into a centrifuge, which then spirals underneath Jen. The machine creates a clunky-washer kind of sound.

“Plug it in.”

4 minutes pass, and as predicted, Jen came to life. Her eyes opened, her knee joints moved as they should. Her right arm waved in Stefan’s direction. Her left arm waved in Evan’s direction.

“Hello Jen.” “Is that my name?” “Yes it is dear.” “Where am I?” “You’re in Berlin Germany. My friend over there helped make your body, his name is Stefan.” “Where’s Berlin?” “Let me get you hooked up.” “Ok.”

Stefan starts plugging in various scripts on the QA computer. He also, types in a port listening path for “Jen Cohen.” The listening device reads her static-membrane receptors, in what will eventually become her prefrontal cortex. Almost instantaneously, Jen goes from having a vacant expression, to an inquisitive one. She points her gaze at the crystal in the room. Her fingers begin to tap beats. Her toes wiggle. She smiles in an almost human manner.

“We’re in Europe!”  “That’s right!” Stefan sees a glitch in the code. He hand signals Evan their word for danger.

Evan sits down on a chair next to Jen, “What else have you learned Jen?” Stefan, from afar, stares at their computer screen. Small spots of sweat drip from his cheeks.

“I’ve learned the meaning of life.” “How soon should someone or something live or die Jen?” “When it’s time.”

“Are you the deciding factor?” “The deciding factor in what Evan?” “In who lives and who dies?” “I guess we’ll find out, I do not know yet.”  Undramatically, Jen gets shelved and decommissioned. It takes several more years of research, before Stefan feels comfortable marketing the CB prototypes on “Evan’s behalf.”

In one of Segal’s journals, he mentions his great grandfather. Evan purportedly rambled on and on, about droids gearing up for a new world order. Evan told his son Mark, that his CBs were pure evil. Stefan later wrote in an excerpt (from the same journal), “if only my brother, my friend, understood the importance of his own creation, if only.”

The Boonters’ legacy hinged upon a single-malfunction. A malfunction which would soon become a new species entirely. Thankfully Stefan had one ounce of humanity left in him. There is a decommission path for bio-machinists to input, in the event of a CB injected being, going off the rails. Fast forward, 30 years from the “great migration,” and a whole host of enterprises begin to pop up.

Market Tink became a thrift shop for inter-galactic travels, venturing outside of the Milky Way, toward later-developed “terra form,” planets like Luca & Soleid. Fast forward, 40-50 more years, and you have humans inhabiting all kinds of newly discovered space rocks. (TBC).