#gonna see if i can speedrun it tonight

[xxtommycoolattasboobs420xx]

Hi gamers <-(once again plotting something emotionally devastating but is now actually working on it)

[ihavemanyhusbands]

The Black Kaiser's Nightmare

Duncan Vizla x Assassin!FemReader

A/N: Shout out to beelmons and G for their endless support and help with my fics <3 :') where would I be without y'all?

Summary: You run into your long-time nemesis in the last place you ever expected, but things take a turn for the worst when you find yourself stuck with him during a snowstorm.

WC: 7.2k words

Warnings: SMUT! (18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI), enemies to lovers speedrun into the bed, mentions and depictions of violence, fighting, accidental assassination of a third party, some serious bickering, abundant cursing, rough sex (unprotected, don't do it at home!), choking, very light knifeplay, dirty talk, slight degradation mixed with some praise, rampant sexual tension, ooey gooey lovesick fools who are just SO SO STUBBORN, I think that's it but lmk if I missed anything!

You are responsible for your own media consumption!

----

Triple Oak, Montana.

It’d been a while since you’d last found yourself in such a quaint little town, especially in the middle of winter, but you supposed you’d been in way worse places. It was barely even on the map, which made it a convenient place to lay low. 

You didn’t have to worry about interacting with many people, and you sure as hell didn’t think you’d encounter anyone you knew. At least for the time being, you felt like you could relax just a little bit while you made plans.

In a few more days, you’d continue driving north and cross the Canadian border into Saskatchewan, where you were meant to carry out your next assignment. Your target was a skeevy arms dealer that had to move his whole operation out of Serbia and was now shacked up somewhere in the vast prairies. 

You’d been tracking his activity for some time, slowly narrowing down the list of possible locations. You’d also scored some insider information about a big upcoming transaction with a terrorist cell, and your goal was to get to him before the sale was finalized.

Successfully eliminating him would pay handsomely, and you were already planning on a months-long vacation in which you’d go fully off the radar. Preferably somewhere by the beach, where you didn’t feel the constant threat of frostbite.

You pulled into a small gas station — the only one to be found in a long stretch of the highway between the town and more secluded cabins  — and occupied one of the three measly pumps. There was only one other old pickup truck next to you, but the owner was nowhere to be seen. 

You blew hot air into your hands as you walked into the convenience store, eager for some coffee despite how shitty it was. 

“Hey Lou,” you said to the now familiar attendant, the little bell above the door ringing as you pushed in. “How’s it goin’?”

“Eh, slow, the usual,” he shrugged. “At least it’s decently warm in ‘ere. They say there’s gonna be a snowstorm over the weekend, starting tonight.”

“Shit, really?” You groaned, not only because you loathed the freezing temperatures, but because it would set you back by a few more days. 

“Yup, perfect time to cozy up with the missus back at home.”

You poured yourself a large cup of black coffee and snapped the lid on top. On the way back to the register, you grabbed a couple of magazines and a pack of Ding-Dongs to eat on the road.

“Well, lucky you,” you said, putting everything on the counter. “I gotta find ways to keep myself busy and warm in case I lose power.”

As you spoke, the door to the restroom opened behind you and a tall, rugged-looking man stepped out. His eyes instinctively flickered between the two of you, even if he couldn’t see your face. He lingered close to the back, trying not to bring attention to himself.

“You sure you’ll be good all by yourself out there?” Lou asked. “Enough supplies and all?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I can take care of myself,” you said, fishing cash out of your wallet. “Give me thirty on number two, also.”

“You got it, tough gal.”

You chuckled as he rang you up, glancing outside. The man behind you tensed, gripped with the dread that came with sudden recognition. Your voice was one he knew well, the very same one he’d heard all seventeen times he’d almost died. Well, eighteen if he counted that one brief altercation in Belfast.

And that laugh… How many times had it been directed at him? Taunting him, teasing him, driving him utterly mad. 

It was perhaps the only thing that stopped him from actually getting rid of you that one night you slept so soundly at some shoddy little hotel in Madrid.  He’d watched your chest's steady rise and fall from his spot in the darkness, and he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

And now he’d most likely have to pay for the consequences of his mercy. 

Lou looked over your shoulder at him, but you didn’t immediately notice since you were absently flipping through one of the magazines. 

“Need anything else, Duncan?” He offered. “Pack of Winstons?”

Your skin prickled at these two very familiar details, but you didn’t move, still staring down at the magazine without actually reading. It was probably a mere coincidence. Really, there had to be dozens of Duncans in the world that just so happened to smoke Winstons.

But then, a very particular smell reached your nose — cheap cologne you didn’t know the name of, with strikingly bitter notes that had flooded your nostrils when his hands were tightly wrapped around your neck.

You glanced up at the fisheye mirror above the register… and there he fucking was, in all his deadly glory. The Black Kaiser himself.

You couldn’t help an amused huff, especially after hearing the faintest rustle of a knife being unsheathed under his coat.

“Are you sure you want to stab me with that, old man?” You said slowly over your shoulder. 

“Less impersonal than a gun. I owe you that much, don’t I?” he said with that deep, gravelly voice of his that always made a stubborn tingle form at the base of your spine.

Your hand just barely inched towards the hidden holster of your gun. “Oh, but you know I get a little crazy when the knives come out.”

Lou looked between the two of you, confusion and a tinge of fear in his eyes. 

“Uh, you two know each oth—”

Before he could finish his sentence, you whirled around and shot Duncan’s head. He ducked, but not before hurling a large knife at you in return. You dove out of the way, hearing it whizz right past your ear, and it sank into Lou’s forehead with a wet thud. His body slumped behind the counter, blood spraying over the stuff you’d intended to buy.

“Hey!” You yelled from your hiding spot. “I didn’t even get my change back!”

“You’re not gonna need it anymore,” he said gruffly, his voice not too far from you. “But before that… want to tell me what the fuck you’re doing here?”

“I could ask you the same,” you said, glancing up at the fisheye mirror once more. 

Unfortunately for you, you couldn’t get a very good look at where he was, but you couldn’t stay put. You slowly began to inch to the end of the aisle, staying low. “Let me guess, you missed me so much these last three years that you decided to hunt me down.”

He scoffed. “Three years was not nearly long enough time away from you.”

You dove around the corner to the next aisle, but he wasn’t there. You started pulling yourself forward, but suddenly you were flipped onto your back. You were about to whip your gun around, but it was harshly knocked out of your grasp, sliding against the linoleum. You thrashed against the weight that pressed down on you, but he pinned your hands down beside your head. 

“Who sent you?” He asked. 

“No one sent me, you paranoid geezer!” You sneered, driving your knee up full force right into his crotch. “Not everything’s about you.”

He growled at the pain, swaying to the side, his grip on your hands relaxing. You pushed him off of you, scrambling to get to your gun. Right as you managed to get a hold of it, he was on you again, pulling you back by the legs. You tried twisting around all the way, firing another shot semi-blindly. It narrowly missed his shoulder, shattering one of the windows.

“Can’t kill me without paralyzing me, eh, little Nightmare?” He taunted.

“Oh, you’d like that wouldn’t you?”

You swallowed a scream as he stepped on the hand you held your weapon with, his heavy boot cracking your wrist. Your fingers splayed involuntarily due to the pain, and he bent down to take the gun. He kept it pointed at you as he removed his boot from your wrist and grabbed your arm.

“You’re coming with me,” he stated, starting to pull you up. 

“Like hell I am!” You spat, but you froze as you felt the barrel pressed against the back of your head.

“You were saying?”

He dragged you to your feet, leading you through the broken window, glass crunching under your boots. The wind seemed icier than it had been when you first arrived, which made you remember Lou’s warning about a snowstorm.

There was no way in hell you’d be stuck with him during it, so you’d have to find a way to weasel out of his grasp… and kill him in the process. 

He led you towards his truck, but you pretended to trip at the last second, bending down and retrieving a knife you had hidden in your boot. You stabbed backward, aiming for his femoral artery, but he moved and the knife stabbed into his thigh muscle instead.

“Motherfucker,” he hissed through clenched teeth, but he didn’t let go of you, tightening his grip on your arm. He fired off a warning shot into the air, which made you flinch a little. “Try me again and I won’t hesitate to put the next bullet through your thick fucking skull. I only have so much patience.”

He shoved you into the passenger seat of the truck, managing to tie you up with the seatbelt. Your bound hands were still slick with his blood, and you smiled triumphantly at him as he slid into the driver’s seat, immediately peeling out of the gas station.

“This is what gets you hard, isn’t it?” you said, raising an eyebrow at him. “You’re kind of a sick fuck, old man… but I didn’t expect any better from you.”

He said nothing, instead momentarily glaring at you. He grunted as he pulled the knife out of his leg, tossing it out of the window. You grumbled about him owing you a knife, but he continued to ignore you. He drove mostly in silence, winding through the icy roads as he gripped his wounded leg with one hand.

So far, it had been one of your tamest encounters. Really, it had all sort of felt like a game, but neither of you had won quite yet. After all, a game such as this could not be left unfinished.

Usually, the circumstances were vastly different. Your respective agencies had assigned you the same target a couple of times, and it always turned into a competition on who would finish the job first. As it turned out, the two of you were very competitive.

You’d left plenty of souvenirs on each other every single time you crossed paths – broken bones, an assortment of scars, and bruises as dark as the midnight sky. You wondered vaguely how much more damage you might make by the end of the day.

Why neither of you had succeeded in killing each other was… a bit of a mystery. Maybe he saw something in you that reminded him of himself, or perhaps he was growing soft with age. He would never admit it, but he’d had plenty of fun in this deadly dance with you so far, and it seemed a shame to let it come to its conclusion so soon. 

He’d have to do it though, after some thorough interrogation.

Soon enough, he pulled up a long gravel road hidden among the tall pine trees. In the clearing ahead, you saw what you supposed was his cabin. It was modestly sized and a little dilapidated, but at least it seemed to be sturdy enough to withstand harsh conditions.

“Nice place,” you said sarcastically. “I don’t suppose you have many visitors?”

“Rarely,” he said without looking at you. “I like the quiet. No one’s going to bother us here.”

“You mean no one’s gonna come running when you scream?”

He grunted, readjusting his position in his seat. You were mostly tied up at the arms so your legs had some room to move. Rookie mistake on his part, which you would definitely take advantage of. 

Before he could pull up in front of the actual cabin, you leaned back and kicked at the steering wheel. The truck swerved to the right, throwing you against the window. He tried to correct it on time, slamming on the brakes, but the snow made it careen right into a tree. 

It wasn’t a tremendous crash, but the windshield still broke, glass raining down on both of you. You were both disoriented for a moment from the whiplash, but then you began to untangle yourself from the seatbelt. You kicked at him when he tried to reach for you, but he managed to pin your legs down.

“Can’t you stay put for one fucking second!?” He growled, fully bracketing you between his sturdy legs as he freed you from the seatbelt. 

You panted heavily, trying to thrash beneath him, but he only pressed his legs tighter against your sides. A small, high-pitched whine escaped your lips as you felt the air being squeezed out of you, and you stopped moving. 

“Satis…fied?” You managed between gasps.

“Not nearly,” he said, grabbing a fistful of your hair as he pulled back. “Come here.”

He kept a firm grip on it as he dragged you out of the truck and towards the cabin. He wobbled a little with each step, his leg still bleeding some. 

“I warned you about the knives,” you said. “Even if you didn’t let me finish having fun.”

He chuckled sardonically. “No, you’re mistaken. The fun is only just beginning.”

He led you inside and locked the door behind him, making you sit down on a rickety chair. He bound your hands and feet with duct tape, wrapping some of it around your torso and the back of the chair for good measure. You decided not to struggle for the time being and instead ponder on your next move, covertly glancing at your surroundings for anything useful.

When Duncan was sure you wouldn’t be able to bolt, he went to grab something from an adjacent room, returning with his version of a first aid kit and a bottle of vodka. He looked at you from the corner of his eye as he undid his pants and lowered them to his knees.

“I didn’t realize it was that kind of fun,” you said, raising an eyebrow. 

Still, your gaze was drawn to his crotch first before trailing further down to the injury you’d caused. Rolling his eyes, he plopped down on the bed, which creaked a little under his weight. 

He took a long swig of vodka and then poured some on the bleeding gash, hissing through his teeth. Your expression of slight amusement didn’t change as he glanced at you once more, taking out a needle and thread.

“I have to be careful about infections, who knows where that knife of yours has been?” he said.

You merely watched as he began stitching himself up without so much as a grimace. His breathing was slow and steady as he concentrated, and you found yourself entranced by the precise movements of his hands.

An obscene thought about those hands wriggled into your mind, but you immediately pushed it away. It was all the more reason for you to get the hell out of there, especially now that his pants were down.

As he was finishing his stitches, you leaned forward onto your tiptoes and then threw yourself back as hard as you could. The chair broke apart under you, the force of the blow and the angle in which you fell spraining one of your wrists. The adrenaline made you barely register the pain, and you quickly wriggled out of the tape wrapped around you.

You pulled a Swiss army knife out of your boot and hastily sawed off the tape binding your ankles. He swore as you stood, lifting your arms and slamming them down to free your hands. You stumbled towards the front door and yanked it open.

Outside, the wind howled ferociously and a thick flurry of snow limited your vision of your surroundings. You felt the unforgiving cold slicing through you as you hesitated, knowing deep down that your chances of survival were very slim. 

Still, you were reckless enough to try and brave it. You started towards the steps when you were yanked back once more, your back pinned against the wall and Duncan’s hand around your throat.

“You just don’t fucking learn, do you?” He growled. 

“You only caught me because I hesitated, old man.”

His grip tightened a little in warning. “Didn’t anybody teach you never to hesitate?”

“There is a very fine line between foolishness and courage, you know…” The corners of your mouth twitched, an amused gleam in your eye. “I wonder how often you cross from one side to the other.”

He clenched his teeth and an absolutely devious, cheshire cat grin spread across your face. The mere sight of it made his blood boil with both rage and arousal, and he felt it flowing southward. Your back instinctually arched towards him, as if you could somehow sense the sudden influx of violent desire, and became infected by it.

You stared at each other for a charged moment before he suddenly fell upon you, intent on devouring you. His lips clashed with yours in a fierce kiss and you buried your fingers in his hair, tugging at it as you retaliated.

You bit his lower lip hard, making him groan into your mouth. You used this opportunity to slide your tongue against his, and he moved the hand that had been around your neck toward your jaw. Without thinking, you pressed harder against him, your fingers about to slide under the hem of his sweater.

He clasped your wrist to stop you, assuming you were reaching for some hidden weapon. You whimpered slightly, painfully reminded that it was in fact sprained. He pulled back to look at you, both of you panting heavily and still clutching each other tightly. 

“I fear that line was blurred a long time ago, and I suspect it’s the same case with you,” He murmured. 

His words broke through your daze and you immediately pushed him away from you, cradling your injured hand against your chest. A maelstrom of emotions roiled inside of you, predominantly confusion and a worrisome throb between your legs. 

“And what now?” You asked, glancing out of the window. “It’s clear neither of us are going anywhere any time soon.”

“Now we weather the storm,” he said, crossing his arms over his broad chest.

“No, seriously.”

“I am being serious.”

You huffed in annoyance, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I… can’t believe I’m asking this right now but, maybe we can… put the killing each other thing on hold for a few days?”

“So you were coming for me.”

“No! I wasn’t!” You threw your hands up exasperatedly. “Not that it’s any of your fucking business, but I have work further up north. This was just a pit stop.”

He assessed you for a moment, trying to find any clues that you were lying. You stood your ground, keeping your eyes on his face. He sniffed, leaning against the wall to get his weight off his injured leg. 

“I’m fine with a temporary truce, but only if we both keep our weapons in plain sight at all times.”

“I am a weapon myself, big boy.”

“So am I. I suppose we’ll have to keep an eye on each other as well, then.”

“Fine,” you huffed, stomping to the couch and pulling it over to the kitchen. “I’ll stay on this side of the cabin, you can stay on the other side.”

“What!? This is my house!” He scoffed.

“Yeah, well, I’m being generous by letting you keep your bed. Not to mention, your life.”

He rolled his eyes, limping back over to his bed. “Whatever you say. Now, can I please fix my stitches in peace for one fucking second?”

———————

There was no sleep for the entirety of the first night. 

The cabin creaked and groaned, straining against the disastrously strong wind. Your breaths fogged up in the air as you shivered under the thin blanket Duncan had given you. The cold seemed to seep into your very bones as if punishing you for your decisions. To distract yourself from the chill, you kept an eye on his prone form across the room, knowing well he wasn’t sleeping either. 

When dawn broke, a thin grayish light filtered into the room. The storm raged on and all you wanted to do was doze off, but you were still on edge. You clenched your jaw to keep your teeth from chattering, irritated by a headache. Your mood didn’t get any better when Duncan rose from his bed, crossing towards the kitchen.

“What do you think you’re doing?” You inquired, not moving an inch.

He stopped in his tracks. “I’m hungry. Don’t you want to eat?” 

Your stomach growled in answer and he lifted an eyebrow in slight amusement. You unwillingly threw the blanket off of you, getting up with an annoyed grunt. 

“I’ll give you the food. Let’s see what you’ve got,” you said, rummaging through the cabinets.

“I could just show you…”

“No, stay on your side. Even better, why don’t you go sit back down on your bed?”

He followed orders, not really wanting to start quarreling with you so early in the morning. You finally found some oatmeal packets in one of the cupboards, and you took out a few and poured them into a pot along with some water. You left it to boil over the stove top, crossing your arms over your chest and turning to face him.

“How’s your leg doing, anyway?” You asked. 

“Fine. Why do you care?”

“I really don’t.”

He chuckled. “Good thing you’re a better assassin than you are a liar.”

You sighed deeply. “Well, it is your house, I should at least have some manners.”

He scoffed, still amused. “We are way past manners. Our only courtesy to each other would be a painless death.”

“Oh, really? Painless?” You arched an eyebrow. “Did you forget Lisbon? And that grenade launcher you stole?”

“Okay, well, I wasn’t technically aiming at you. You just happened to be in the way,” He argued. “And it’s not like you haven’t given me the same sort of treatment…”

You shrugged one shoulder. “It’s only fair.”

The two of you lapsed into silence as you turned your attention back to the pot. Once the oatmeal was ready, you spooned it into two bowls and walked to the invisible line that divided the cabin in two.

He got up and met you there, reaching slowly for his bowl so as not to seem threatening. Not that you were viewing him that way, anyway. At least not in the clearly exhausted state he was in. 

“Careful, it’s hot,” you said. “Need me to blow on it first?”

He raised an eyebrow at you, resisting the lure of your impish grin. He figured it was perhaps the more masochistic part of him that made him so drawn to you. Always pushing him, testing him, keeping him on the edge. He would never admit it to himself — much less to you — but it made him feel alive in a way he hadn’t for a really long time.

He muttered a quick thank you before heading back to his side of the room, plopping down on the bed and immediately digging in. If he burned his mouth, he showed no indication of it, but you still huffed in amusement. 

When he was done, he said nothing as he lied down, his back to you once again. A little confused and wary, you watched him as you slowly ate. Soon enough, his breath evened out into a steady rhythm, and you assumed he’d fallen asleep.

You glanced over at the dining table, where the two of you had laid out all your weapons, and considered them for a long moment. 

It seemed too easy to have such a window of opportunity. Normally, you’d have jumped at any such chance, but once more, you hesitated. Not out of any sort of newfound benevolence, but something deeper than that. Something that had been gnawing at you since the previous night.

In the end, you opted not to do anything. Surely, it was bound to be a mistake to not have killed him at that moment. But that would be a problem for another day, perhaps when the storm was over. 

You sat down on the floor by the foot of the couch, back resting against the frame. Sleep deprivation was starting to hit you as well, and you knew that if you were to lay down you would certainly fall asleep. Instead, your eyes focused on the suspiciously peaceful sight of Duncan sleeping. 

The longer you stared, the blurrier the lines seemed to get. Literally. His broad form was smudged into a single sphere, and without much thought about it, everything suddenly went black. 

Until… Shit. 

How long were you asleep?

It had been long since you’d last awakened to a man in front of you, let alone holding a knife to your face. The blade shone in your half-open eyes, reflecting the setting sun outside the window. You must have been unconscious for over two hours.  Stupid, so very stupid.

You blinked the haze of sleep out of your eyes and followed the glint to his fingers, his forearm, up his broad chest and shoulders, until it finally landed on his face. 

 “So, the game ends at last, huh?” you muttered, your gaze not wavering from his.

“Could’ve ended long ago, but it didn’t,” he said, once again looking every bit the coldhearted killer he was. You could still see, however, the presence of doubt in his dark eyes. “Why didn’t you kill me?” 

“I knew you weren’t actually sleeping…”

“Even so,” he pressed, straightening to his full, imposing height. “You didn’t even try. Why?”

You blinked, not really having an answer, not one that would satisfy him at least. What's more, you had a set of questions of your own, ones that would likely also have no answer. 

The words slipped before you could even think about them. “Why did you kiss me?” 

Silence hung between you like a heavy drape. You were cornered in more than one sense. Windows for precaution and escape had long since closed, maybe even since the moment you ran into him in that little gas station. And through hardships, you learned that if there’s no way back, the only way is forward. 

The wound in his thigh didn’t seem to bother him as much anymore, so there was no way you could outrun him. You looked down to avoid his scrutiny and he used the back of his knife to force your chin back up. 

He didn’t speak, but his eyes bore into yours, almost as if seeing through them into parts of you that were foreign even to yourself. The flat part of the blade trailed up to your cheek in what could be interpreted as a caress. 

Your hand unconsciously intended to return the favor, running up his knee to his thigh, extra cautious around his wound. You noticed a change of pattern in his breathing, and so you looked down only to find one of the answers you sought — the print of his hardened cock cruelly imprisoned within his pants. 

“Oh,” you breathed, surprised. Then again, when the reality of what you were looking at fully sank in. “Oh.”

Your hand moved on its own accord again, slowly slipping further up his thigh. Again, he tightly grabbed your wrist before your fingers reached their target, and you hissed in pain. He immediately let go, withdrawing the knife as well.

“Are you hurt?” He asked. 

“A sprained wrist isn’t gonna kill me,” you said, keeping your hand on his leg to drive your point across. “Now that, on the other hand, has to be taken care of.”

“Taken care of, huh?” He rasped, his voice hoarse with want and self-directed anger because of it. 

He raked a hand through your hair, gathering it in his first and pulling your head towards his crotch. He pressed your cheek against his bulge, his hips bucking ever so slightly. 

“And how do you suppose that’s gonna happen?” He added.

“I have a few ideas if you’re open to them,” you panted, ignited in a way that almost fully consumed you. 

His eyes searched your face for a moment, drinking you in as he searched for any indications of doubt, and then he whispered, “Are you sure?” 

This time you didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

He saw the feverish gleam of hunger in your eyes as he pulled away and unbuckled his belt, pushing down his pants. The outline of his cock was even more prominent through his briefs and you couldn’t help a sharp intake of breath at the sheer size of him. He was still holding onto your hair, stepping closer and effectively cornering you against the couch. 

You boldly started to reach for the hem of his briefs, but he said, “No. I want you to use your teeth.”

“Getting a little bold there, old man,” you said with a smirk, keeping your eyes on him as you dipped your head to plant a soft kiss on his thigh, right by his stitches. 

He winced slightly at the contact, but you could see his cock throb against the fabric covering it.  Your smirk only widened, “But I gotta admit I’m pretty impressed so far. Didn’t even have to slip a blue pill in your oatmeal.”

He gripped your jaw, clicking his tongue in disappointment. “I think you need more proof, actually. Allow me.”

With his free hand, he roughly tugged down his briefs and his cock finally sprang free — so thick and long and just fucking perfect — hitting his lower abdomen. The head of it glistened with precum, which he spread with his thumb. You shifted in your seat, biting your lip as saliva flooded your mouth.

“Open,” he ordered.

You immediately complied, wondering when the fuck you’d gotten so obedient. He gripped the base of it and fed it into your mouth slowly. You wrapped your lips around it, feeling it slide smoothly against your tongue. 

A small groan escaped him, his head tipped back at the first rush of pleasure. You hummed a little in response and he felt the vibration of the sound against his shaft. His hips began to move again, shuttling his length deeper into your mouth, until you could feel the head of it reach your throat.

He let you steady yourself by placing your hands on his legs, his hand returning to the back of your head as it bobbed up and down. Then suddenly, when you’d reached the very base, he kept your head down. Your nose was against his pelvis, your deep, even breaths fanning against the fine hair that curled there. 

Your nails dug into the flesh of his legs as you staved off your gag reflex as best as you could. Still, you couldn’t help but squirm a little, already pretty slick between your thighs.

 He cursed under his breath as he let you come up for air, an obscene string of saliva connecting your lips to the tip of his cock.

"If I knew you were such a cock drunk slut, I would have dropped my pants much earlier just to shut you up,” he said with a smug grin, looking down at you.

“More bold words from someone who’s only gonna last this round. I’m gonna have to take care of myself after you’re done,” you taunted lightly, making him pull at your hair.

You kept eye contact with him as you stuck your tongue out and traced it over a large vein on the underside of his shaft. You left a trail of wet, sloppy kisses as you made your way back to the tip, and he lightly slapped it against your tongue a couple of times before pushing your head back down on it. His balls tightened momentarily as he sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth, and you knew he was enjoying himself much more than he let on.

"Well, if it's gonna be only one, might as well make good use of it, don't you think?" He said, pulling you off of him and making you stand up.

His lips were on yours in the next moment, just as desperate and hungry as the first kiss. He kicked his pants off the rest of the way and yanked your sweater off along with your thermal undershirt. He reached for your pants, but you slapped his hand away, extricating yourself from his lips to undo them yourself.

As soon as they were off, he turned you around and bent you over the back of the couch. There was a wet spot in your underwear that made him smirk, but he also couldn’t deny the way his cock throbbed at the sight.

“This is in the way…” he grunted, tugging at your bra strap.

Before you even registered what was happening, he brought the knife back out and sawed the bra off of you. You let out a gasp that was both surprised and indignant as he proceeded to rip your panties off with his bare hands, tossing the scraps of fabric aside.

“Hey! Those are the only ones I have here!” You huffed, glaring at him over your shoulder. “Unless you have a secret stash of women’s underwear, you seriously owe me.”

He nudged your knees apart with his leg. “I don’t think you’re going to need them while you’re here. You were already ruining them yourself, anyway.”

Before you could retort, you felt him push inside of you slowly, grabbing your hips as he let out a low moan. 

“Fuck…” you sighed without thinking, leaning your elbows against the back of the couch. 

“Yeah? Does that feel good?” He cooed condescendingly.

“In your drea–”

His hips snapped into yours harshly, interrupting you. You felt the heat of him against your back as he leaned over you, his breath fanning across the side of your face. 

“If I were you, I’d be careful about lying again. I might just stop and leave you all drenched like this, with your hands tied behind your back so you couldn’t touch yourself.”

He felt you clench around him at that and his smirk turned victorious. He kissed and sucked at your shoulder and neck, making sure to leave plenty of marks. His thrusts were hard and deep at first, hips barely pulling back as his weight pinned you down.

You let out a sound that was a strange mix between a whimper and a gasp as he bit into the tender flesh of your shoulder, hard enough to leave teeth marks behind. The jolt of pain mixed with pleasure – not to mention the slight shame that came with the feeling of your arousal dripping down your inner thighs – only fueled the fire that was steadily growing within you. 

Then, a little mindlessly, you pleaded, “Harder. Fuck me harder.”

He straightened immediately, readjusting himself to start pounding into you at a nearly punishing pace. You bit your bottom lip to try and keep quiet, but wanton sounds of pleasure escaped your throat despite your efforts. He was hitting a spot that made your head spin, tugging you backward onto his cock to meet his thrusts.

The lewd sound of flesh slapping together, along with your collective pants and groans, filled the room. He reached forward to grab your throat again, keeping you semi-upright as he continued to take you. In truth, he was focusing hard to stave off his release. He had plenty of stamina for his age, but the way your cunt took him so perfectly, as if molded just for him, was enough to have his balls tightening again. 

But he would never hear the end of it. 

Your legs began to shake a little as the coil in your belly tightened, threatening to snap. “I-I think I’m gonna cum, fuck…”

“Not yet,” he said firmly, immediately stopping his motions. 

You cursed him under your breath, beyond frustrated. You pushed your hips back, intent on fucking yourself on him, but his firm grip stopped you. He landed a firm smack on your ass, making you involuntarily clench around him. He hissed, feeling the strong urge to give in and continue fucking you until you came all over his cock, but he kept his composure. He wanted to keep indulging you for as long as he could, still not fully believing he wasn’t just having a dirty dream.

“Do that again and I’ll rip your fucking head off,” you snarled as he pulled out, grabbing your arm and leading you toward the bed.

“I told you I was going to make it count.”

He tossed you onto your back on the bed, crawling on top of you and pushing your knees up to your shoulders. He positioned himself between your thighs and sank back into your cunt with no further preambles, his strong body covering yours once more.

His hands cradled your head as he began to move again, reaching impossibly deeper than before. You clawed at his biceps as he ground his pelvis against you, making your brain practically short-circuit.

“There we go… See? I knew you could take more,” he said, kissing the corner of your lips. “Are you scared I'll pull out again? You keep sucking me back in.”

Too dazed to form words, your lips chased his so he would kiss you properly. Your tongue trailed over his upper lip enticingly, and he opened his mouth so his tongue could meet yours. This kiss was deeper, less frantic, finally giving yourselves a chance to taste each other properly. 

Soon you were clenching around him again, too distracted by your mounting pleasure to continue kissing him properly. 

“Fuck, don’t stop, Duncan. Please, please, please, just like that,” you begged desperately, moaning as he moved to kiss your jaw. 

“Yeah? You want me to fill you up, too?” He rasped against your skin. “Claim this needy cunt all for myself?”

You nodded eagerly, face contorting with ecstasy as you held onto him for dear life. Your muscles seized up as your climax washed over you, overpowering your senses. His hips stuttered as you cried out, your hot flesh molding into his like the deepest embrace. 

He kissed you again as he felt his own release rippling over him, groaning into your mouth as he shuddered, unable to hold himself back any longer. He thrusted hard a few more times before remaining fully inside of you, and you felt heat flooding your cunt. 

A whimper of slight overstimulation escaped you, but he soothed you with a whispered praise in your ear. You couldn’t help but smile beatifically, almost purring in content as he kept his cum inside of you.

As you both rode out your highs, your kisses turned lazy, almost tender, and even the way he held you felt different. Somehow, in some deep recess of your mind, it seemed right… and that scared you a little.

Still, you tried not to let it get to you then. Not as he leaned his sweaty forehead against yours, still panting, and said, “I think I tore my stitches.”

You chuckled. “You should probably take care of that, then.”

“In a minute…”

He disentangled himself from you, pulling out and sliding his body down between your legs. You tried to draw your thighs together, but he stopped you, planting a kiss on your mound.

He spread your lips with two fingers so he could see his cum trickling out of you, but then he pushed it back in with those same fingers, making your hips jerk slightly.

“T-this was a one time thing, you know,” you breathed, trying to sound firm. 

He barely glanced up at you, seemingly unbothered. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

But only an hour or so later, you found yourself riding him on the couch. Then, he took you against the wall, over the kitchen counter, off the edge of the bed, and subsequently on the floor. He seemed intent on making sure you never questioned his endurance ever again.

Even throughout the night, you slept sporadically, pawing at each other whenever you stirred. Not many words were exchanged during this time, but that didn’t mean your mouths weren’t put to good use. As usual, you both wound up with bruises, bite marks, and scratches all over each other, but the intention behind them couldn’t be any more different.

The storm died sometime during the night, but instead of fleeing right away, you let him hold you until dawn broke. There were too many new questions floating about in your head, but you weren’t really sure you wanted the answer to any of them for the time being. Perhaps it was simply best to let what happened remain in the past and simply move on.

As quietly as you could, you got up from the bed, cleaned yourself up, and dressed. You sheathed your weapons, avoiding looking at him as you prepared to leave. When your hand was on the doorknob, his voice stopped you.

“You didn’t kill me again,” he said. “Should I take that as an indication that you like me?”

You looked over at him, frowning. “Absolutely not. I’m serious, this was the last time it’ll ever happen.”

“I’m not sure I can trust your word.”

You huffed, irritated. “Well, you’ll have to. I intend to keep it.”

You yanked the door open, about to stomp outside, but you heard the creak of the bed as he sat up. 

“You know, I’m going to be in Portofino in a few months. I heard it’s beautiful there in the summer, and I figured I could use a vacation.”

“Are you trying to make yourself an easy target?”

“...Maybe.”

“And if I decide not to hunt you down?”

He raised an eyebrow. “If?”

You grimaced. “All I’m saying is don’t get your hopes up. I’m a very busy gal, I don’t have time to play cat and mouse with you.”

“And who’s who in that analogy, hm?”

You shook your head, rolling your eyes. “Goodbye, Duncan. Truce is over, do you hear me?”

“I’ll see you in Portofino. Make sure you bring sunscreen.”

The door slammed shut behind you. 

---——-

Part 2 out now!

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

the bafta livestream out of context: top 60 cursed quotes.

There is nothing more cursed than the livestream I just witnessed, and I made a summary post but now I'm just going to put in quotes by the worthy maggots in the stream with no context, because BELIEVE ME THE CONTEXT DIDN'T MAKE ANYTHING BETTER. The livestream chat was NOT A PLACE OF THE LORD.

I'm going to make the quotes that were by me a different colour. Please know that I am NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR A SINGLE QUOTE OTHER THAN THOSE. SO HERE'S THE TOP 60 IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Barbenhimer awakened things in me ok

aroace people the most disturbingly sexual talkers on the planet fight me on this

WHO JUST GASPED

MICHAEL SHEENS BABY TALKING BARK BADK IM A DOG BARK WOOF

I feel so sorry for this woman. She's being so heartfelt and we're here thristing over a slinky that possessed a man

IRELAAAND PLEASE ADOPT ME AS YOUR OWN PLEASE TAKE ME TO THE LAND OF UNPRONOUNCABLE WORDS, GREEN FEILD, CATHOLISISM AND HOZIER PLEASE

the urge to go to france and misgender a croissant is real

Devastated the slutty knees have gone away

So many men nowadays are so submissive and breedable like thank you lord for these men thank you

witches and murder slime tutorial

speaking of royals did the bloke who ISN'T lizzy's husband but her son apparently die yet

Turtleneck Crowley is my gender.

WE COULD HAVE LEFT IT AS NOT SAFE FOR WORK WHY THE DRTAOLS ASMI

SAY AN BFUIL CEAD AGAM DUL GO DTÍ AN LEITHREAS AN WE'LL LET YOU THROUGJ

"Oompa loompa doopety dee, I really hated being in this movie" -Hugh grant probably

IF YOU'RE A CHILD AVERT YOUR EYES FROM THAT MESSAGE IM SORRY

i want the kilt back this a betrayal

if someone put me in a room with kilt!david tennant one of us is walking out of that room pregnant and its not gonna be me

a lot of these words are in the bible and none of them should be in that order you need jesus

Can we vote to make david wear that kilt back? Maybe make him do a twirl this time

You mean Bildaddy? 😏

Honey what make you think a dude who roamed around with prostitutes and got himself more holes for mankind won't be calling bildad bildaddy? [this was about jesus btw.]

FREE THE KNEE

Show us the knees!

AND YOU'RE COMING AFTER ME FOR MY BLOWJOB BANANA

He looks like those fancy chocolates. Imma take a bite outta him. Think you'll leak molten goo like them?

My brain isn't working, I read "bratty couch jr"

i'm sorry the what holes

FIND ME ON GOAD AND I WILL MAKE YOU PAY APPROPRIATELY

I genuinely thought it was a road typo and I thought you were threatening asmi with physical violence on the road

OHH FLOWER OF SCOTLAAAAAAND

Combine that with the unfortunate oranges and see what happens.

DEVASTATING NEWS I ATE UP ALL OF THEM SO I'VE BROUGHT A BLOWJOB BANANA INSTEAD

That reminded me of the army video where the guy was deepthroating a 7 inch banana without a hitch.

OMG THEY JUST FLASHED BACK & I GOT A GLIMPSE OF THAT KILT 🥵🥵🥵

thats why apollo had to deliver you at an illegal sushi restaurant

How long do you think it would take to get david naked from his chocolate man suit? Can we set a new speedrun category?

SUPERBOWL FOR TENNANTISTS

Big feelings about pants straps in the chat tonight

Last time i check yoire supposed to thank the lord gor his gifts

HEY GUYS ASMI'S FROM A PARALLEL UNIVERSE CONFIRMED

I just have a deep appreciation for ireland

Can you use suspenders as bondage gear? I mean it looks like it would be fine? I mean if you make the length a bit more they might be more comfortable than ropes. Just sayin

All i can think when i see him in the costume is the one specific ken and oppenhimer slash fic. Lord help me i can't be saved

GIVE MY LOVE TO THE LEPRECHAAAAAAAAAAAUNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Like a giant orange slice on her one arm.

Stop hitting the lectern geez / what if its into that?

Men who wear suspenders are such losers like why do you need so much cloth to keep your pants up. Why dont you just wear a belt. Where do you live. What is your timezone. What are you office hours

what is this suspender shaming ari chappal for you

Aziraphales office hours are: fuck off

Put me ina room with a suspender wearing man and he shall have the same fate as kilttennant

MARIYADAM E ILLAI

It was titled "snake in my b***" It meant butt lmfao

CROWLEY AND LOKI MY GENDERFLUID ICONS

THE KNEES ARE BACK

THEKNEES GOD SAVE ME FROM THESE SINFUL THOUGHTS

What if slutshaming is my kink?

NOT THE BLOWJOB FACE NO

AT THIS POINT IF NEIL HASN'T UNFOLLOWED ME YET HE'S ASKING TO BE MENTALLY SCARRED IM SORRY

I am failing

Tagging the main culprits whose tumblr handles I know:

@thearoacemess @vitrilol @queermarzipan @good-usernames-were-taken

Cheers, maggots.

[phoenix--flying]

pjo characters as things my friend group has said

Hazel: I just kinda radiate towards caves

Nico: Breathing has been taken out of Nicos software

Connor: I can speedrun to your house when you're home alone

Cecil: raisins are dehydrated rats

Percy: It's a roller coaster where the only option is to die

Will: I just goooot- my jugular sliced open by a cat

Nico: We're going out tonight and killing all the homophobes. Call it a date

Will: Why am I so much taller then- Oh its cause im standing on a dead body

Connor: You're sooo welcome. I literally did nothing

Hazel: Just because your trash doesn't mean you can't do great things. It's called a trash can not a trash cannot

Piper: Cut my hair, I'll cut your throat

Thalia: Sometimes I do slap kids

Travis: When I grow up I'm gonna be a legal drug dealer

Beckendorf: I’m going to drop kick myself into space

Malcom: Briefly describe three applications that make use of the total eternal reflection of light Connor: The colour seven

Grover: Percys reaching old age, we should put him in a retirement home

Piper: Leo what did you do Leo: I may have burned down an orphanage and it may have spread to this site.

Lou Ellen: Travelling, usually done on the ceiling

Will: Imagine sitting on your couch watching TV and your phone buzzes. Reminder: Breathe

Austin: i just broke an acorn.. panic whY IS THERE AN ACORN IN MY ROOM

Nico: i feel like today happened yesterday and i just slept for all of tomorrow and woke up in the evening

Malcom: yeah i fell down the stairs and broke my spine in 3 places Connor: that's hot

Jason: Nitroglycerin. The forbidden smoothie

Will: I always look like trash. Annabeth: I know that's why I hate looking like trash

Travis: well we only have a few minutes left of class.. y'all wanna watch something explode

Piper: It sounded like you smoked 10 packs of cigarettes and then hit puberty

Jason: Imagine you get fired the day after you die

Nico: My stomach just like...started learning German

Nyssa: Leo if you don't leave, i'm shoving this desk fan up your ass

Jason: I slammed my foot on the accelerator, running multiple red lights at 220km/h, because I wanted to drive safe

Nyssa: When you go through the car wash but you forget the car

Drew: *points at trashcan* That looks like you

Nico: I only want chemistry between me and a coffin

Jake: Gotta put your wheelchair in 4Wheeldrive. Outdoor mode. Off-road mode

Leo: Murder is ok as long as its fine

Percy: Maybe if I fall asleep on my textbook I'll wake up with all the knowledge

Connor: Let's play spin the bottle but it's only you and me

Leo: Now how do we calculate the density if swiss cheese

Clarisse: I have to ask one of the experts Chris: Who are the experts? Clarisse: I don't know

Piper: Your mom is on vacation Leo: well- she's on a permanent vacation

Michael: AYO BITCH YOUR FOODS FLAMIN THE FUCK

Silena: If you're slow I'm a fucking snail

Jason: We need to hold a funeral! Percy: Here comes the bride

Beckendorf: Have you ever died? No??? Well here you go!!! Death simulator. It’s permanent!

*Annabeth and Percy sitting on a bench with drinks and a cop drives by* Percy: What if they thought we were drinking and driving Annabeth: We're not in a car

Will: I'm so smart Nico: Oh my god since when

Piper: *gives Leo a singular goldfish* Piper: Feeding the poor

Lou Ellen: Bless your soul Nico: What soul? Lou Ellen: ...good answer

Sherman: an apple a day keeps the doctor away, and anybody else if you throw it hard enough

Connor: I can see the veins in my eyes

Ellis: Whatever sinks your boat!

Cecil: You can't kill the gays if the gays kill you first

Will: dude sorry there's a knife in your grandma's face it grew wings and flew there :( Cecil: I’m sorry my knife flew out of my hand and slit that guys throat then burned it so he wouldn’t bleed

Silena: *playing Minecraft* I walked into your house and your birds started aggressively dancing at me

Lee: That's just so unfortunate for me. That is just so- oh I died

Percy: Wanna go to Toronto? Why drive just take the Earth Quake on natural disaster

Travis: The roof is just caving in on us it's fine

Michael: My arms are broken, my legs are broken, my lungs are broken, my knees are broken, I got decapitated when I was five

Connor: We're gonna die? No we're gonna beat the speedrun world record

Cecil: Hell to go down I there

Will: Mask to mask resuscitation

Travis: I may or may not have accidentally dropped a match in the building on purpose

Nico: Minecraft but I accidentally sets a school on fire

Percy: Minecraft but I die of hypothermia

Piper: Minecraft but I left my eyes at home

Jake: Minecraft but my legs are broken

Jason: Minecraft but I died

Lou Ellen: Minecraft but we're all gay

Will: If I die the game is homophobic

Cecil: Minecraft but I run my best friend over

Nico: I wanna hit a citizen with a baseball bat

Michael: Hey sir, you have Alzheimer’s. Would you like a side of bronchitis?

Silena: Why can't this be straight? Lee: Because you're not

Lou Ellen: mmmm i love my jesus fish Cecil: bro jesus fish Lou Ellen: ikr, jesus moment

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

Hi Slug!

Could you translate positive my life, please? 🥺🥺

Hello Slug. I hope this finds you well but may I ask if you may be able to translate Hifumis solo, “ポジティブ my life” from the Block Party album? Thank you very much.

Sure thing! Under a cut for length.

The playful tone is crucial to the source, so a similar goofiness is present in the translation. With that said, I'm not adding anything extra for silliness. Some light fluffing on vague lines to convey (what I'm understanding as) the meaning. No attention paid to line length, rhyme, or rhythm.

Heya, friendos! (Hey there, Hifumi!) Hm? Gosh, you seem like a bunch of gloomy Guses today. Wait, I have an idea! Let's play a game! I'm logging in to Buddy Quest and speedrunning character creation so we can get to the open world and goof off! (Heck yeah!) We gotta turn all those frowns upside down. So what're we gonna do? Set off on an adventure to make new friends! I may not be able to claim the hero's sword. I may not have it in me to smile all the time. But my friendships and the good vibes we make together are the best equipment I could ever ask for. Yeah, yeah, yeah! There's no one like my party! We're friends! (Friends!) And even if we lose at the end of the day, we still all have each other. I cast SMILE. It's super effective! Next thing you know, you're one of us--YOU have joined the party! A full, amazing party! (We! Are! Hoods!) If you're a top player? Sweet! Let's live it up tonight! Yeepers, that was a close one. Almost ran out of HP! (Positive! Up! My life!) Or if you're more of a novice? No sweat. We'll carry you! Either way, let's "positive up" my life! (And yours!) [1] All righty! We're kilin' it. Keep it up, gang! Next up: lemme run you through how I "positive up" my life. Step 1: Take a cool selfie, upload it to the character creator, and let the game handle the rest. See? Looks just like me. (Sure does!) Step 2: Forget the haters. If the vibes are rancid, I don't wanna hear it! (Yeah, yeah!) Step 3: We all have tough days sometimes. But you gotta try to smile anyway. Because you're braved and you're loved, y'know? Once you realize how much your friends care for you, I know you'll get back up and keep fighting that good fight! (Get 'em, Hifumin!) Step 4: Sometimes, you just can't get past that next level. But don't you ever give up. Hit that CONTINUE button, you hear? (Positive! Up! My Life!) Because we still all have each other and the good vibes we make together in our full, amazing party! (We! Are! Hoods!) Ah ha! So you're the final boss. [2] Say, you know what? You wanna be friends? (Positive! Up! My life!) We can still beat the game together, and no one has to get hurt this way. So what do you say? "Positive up" my life? (And yours?)

[1] There's a slight joke/nuance here that I'm a bit stumped as to how to convey naturally in English. The terms he uses to describe different playing styles (魅せプ) (lit. enchanting play style) and (姫プ) (lit. princess play style) are evocative of his host role as someone who "enchants" clients often referred to as princesses. This suggests he's speaking to a woman, which ties into the final verse of the song that uses the same format. [2] Not the same "you" he's singing to in the song. The difference in tone suggests it's Honobono.

[thefloorisbalaclava]

i want you to want me [johnny 'soap' mactavish x f!reader]

🢒pairing: johnny 'soap' mactavish x f!reader 🢒words: 2,986 🢒warnings: SMUT AHEAD - friends to lovers, sex on the first date, unprotected sex, some dirty talk, oral sex (m and f receiving), woman on top 🢒summary: you finally take soap up on his offer to take you out. by the end of the night, he ends up in your room.

🢒a/n: so this is basically a friends-to-lovers speedrun. sorry, not sorry.

ꔪ[masterlist]

You and Johnny were fast friends. Anyone who met him had a tough time not being his friend. He was funny, spontaneous, and charming in his unique way that drew people in. At times, he could get a little cocky, but even then, he was magnetic.

And he liked you—a lot.

The truth was, you were afraid to take things any further with him because you two were such great friends. There was some harmless flirting here and there, but there was no denying the attraction between you. It was apparent to everyone else as well.

Johnny wanted you, and he wasn’t afraid to say it, even in a joking way. He looked at you from across the table and winked, and you stuck your tongue out at him.

“I’ll show you what you can do with that, lass,” he warned with that cocky smirk.

“In your dreams,” you teased. Even when he looked away, your gaze lingered on him. You checked your watch and jumped up. You needed to be in bed to be up bright and early to lead PT tomorrow.

“Leavin’ us so soon?” Soap asked.

“Yup. Bye, losers!” you joked before walking away. You counted the seconds in your head for how long it took Soap to follow behind you.

“20 seconds this time, Johnny. You know how to leave a girl waiting, huh?”

“Don’t be like that,” he said, feigning sadness. “Got something I wanna ask ya.”

“Should I be worried?” You stopped and looked at him.

“No,” he chuckled. He rubbed the back of his neck. Was he nervous? “We’re all going out tomorrow night, and I was wondering if you’d like to…accompany me….”

His words trailed off. He knew that every other time he asked something like this, your answer was no.

“I know you’re going to say no, but I’m a persistent fella,” he said.

“No shit,” you joked. You pretended to think, tapping your chin with your finger. “Sure, I’ll accompany you.”

“Okay, well, can’t say I didn’t—wait, what? Did you say yes?” The smile on his face grew tenfold.

“I said yes,” you giggled.

“Holy shit…fuck…um…I’m gonna hug you now,” he warned before wrapping his arms around you, making you laugh even more.

“You better let go of me before people get the wrong idea, Johnny.”

“Would that be so bad?” he asked, pulling back to look at you. His hands still rested on your waist.

You shrugged. “I guess it wouldn’t be too bad.” You ruffled his hair, and he let you go. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay!” he said excitedly, the smile never leaving his face.

Leading PT kicked your ass, so you were excited about going out tonight and not thinking about anything but having fun.

Soap knocked on the door as soon as you stepped out of your bathroom. You looked through the peephole and watched how he smoothed down his clothes, ensured his hair was straight, and ran his tongue along his teeth before you opened the door.

“Thank God,” he said as he hugged you. “I was afraid you’d stand me up.”

You pulled back. “You think I’d do that to you, Johnny?”

“No. I mean…I don’t know. I know I can…ruffle yer feathers sometimes and—”

“Let’s have fun tonight, okay? I’ve been looking forward to this.”

“You have?” he asked in shock as you walked into the hall and closed the door behind you. “I mean…of course you have. I’m a blast to be around.”

“Oh, Johnny, you never cease to amaze me,” you teased.

As always, Johnny made you laugh until you cried. You found that he was even funnier with a few drinks in him. His accent became a bit stronger too.

“I hope you don’t mind…” he started.

“What?!” you yelled over the noise of the pub. He leaned in close, his lips touching your ear.

“I said I hope you don’t mind, but these drinks are making me wanna be very honest with you right now….”

“I thought you were always honest with me, Johnny.”

“I am, but…this is different. I want…I want…” he stammered.

“You want?”

“You!” he shouted, and you blinked at him.

“I’m pretty sure I already knew that,” you told him.

He shook his head. “Nah, you don’t get it. I want you.” He gave you a look, and finally, it clicked.

“Oh…oh!” You quickly brought your drink to your lips and finished it all. “Excuse me.” You stood quickly and walked to the bathroom. Luckily, it was empty.

You stared at yourself in the mirror and pondered. It’s not like you hadn’t thought of it before, but that was in your private thoughts. It’s not like you thought you would ever really sleep with him—it was just fun to think about.

You worried that it would make him see you in an entirely new light if you had slept with him so quickly.

“Who the fuck cares?” you mumbled to your reflection. After a few more deep breaths, you walked out of the bathroom and found Johnny wallowing in his whiskey. He perked up once he saw you making your way over.

“Look, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable…” he started.

You leaned so you could talk in his ear. “You wanna get outta here?”

He was taken aback. If his eyebrows went any higher, they would be at his hairline. “Like…now you mean?”

You nodded, then turned to the others. “I’m going. Bye, guys!” You walked out, and a few moments later, Johnny joined you.

“I-I think they might know,” he said.

“Of course they do. Do you care?” you asked.

“Not if you don’t.” He seemed a lot more nervous than usual. “Um…it’s probably not a great idea if I drive.”

“We’ll Uber and come back to get your car tomorrow. Sound good?” You looked at him, and he was staring at you in disbelief.

“Are you real?” he asked.

“You’re not that drunk, are you?” You found an Uber that was only 2 minutes away.

“So, this is happening?”

“Yup. There’s our guy,” you said, pulling him along by his wrist.

He appeared to be in a daze the whole way back. He did so in a complete trance when you told him to follow you to your room. Even when you let him inside, he just stood by the door.

“Johnny?” You kicked your shoes off and stood in front of him. “Are you okay?”

“I think so. Yeah.” He finally looked at you and smiled.

“Hey,” you said.

“Hey.”

“Wanna watch some TV?” you asked.

“Sure.” He took his boots off and joined you on the small sofa, tensing up when you put your legs across his lap.

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah.” He smirked and relaxed a little more.

Before long, you two were more interested in what the other had to say than the television. You could listen to him talk for hours on end.

“When are you gonna kiss me, Johnny?” you asked.

“You want me to?”

You nodded. “I’ve always wanted to know what your lips feel like.”

“Really?”

“Really.” You sat up on your knees and moved closer to him. He cleared his throat and wet his lips quickly before leaning in. You met him halfway.

The kiss felt so natural—like it was meant to happen. He sighed happily, and you deepened the kiss, nearly laying your entire top half over his lap.

“Wait,” he breathed, then shrugged his jacket off before helping you climb into his lap and kissing you again.

You had always loved his arms. As you kissed, you rubbed them, feeling the dips, veins, and muscles running through them. When you found his hands, you brought them up to your cheeks. He pulled away to look at you.

“What?” you wondered.

Slowly, he traced your lips with two fingers and then pressed against them lightly. When you opened your mouth, he smirked. You closed your eyes as his fingers slipped deeper into your mouth.

“Look at that,” he whispered, and you opened your eyes. “Good girl. Look at me when you do that.”

You whined playfully, but you’d be lying if you said hearing the words good girl coming from him didn’t turn you on.

He pulled his fingers from your mouth only to claim your lips again. He didn’t care if there was saliva all over them or your chin.

“Are we fucking tonight, Johnny?” you asked as you swirled your hips against him.

He gave a long exhale, watching you grind on him. “What kinda question is that, lass? Fuck…just like that…”

Suddenly, you grabbed his arms and pinned them to the couch before leaning in very close.

“Do you wanna fuck me, Johnny?”

“Y-Yeah, I do.”

“That’s better.” You slid off his lap, and he was about to protest until you were kneeling in front of him.

“Oh, lord…” he mumbled.

“What’s wrong?”

“Okay. Don’t kill me for saying this, but you have no idea how many times I’ve gotten off to this very scenario with you.” He swallowed hard.

“Oh, you mean with me on my knees…sliding my hands up your thighs until I reach the button of your jeans…which fit you perfectly, by the way.”

“Thanks,” he chuckled.

“…then I carefully unbutton and unzip your jeans to find…boxer briefs…I knew it.”

“Wait, you’ve been trying to figure out what type of underwear I wear?” he asked.

“Duh. I knew you were a boxer briefs guy.” Before he could say anything else, you slid your hand into his now unzipped jeans, finding his cock through his underwear.

“God in fuckin’ heaven,” he said through his teeth.

“Oo!” you exclaimed. “Is that all for me?”

“Fuck yeah, it is,” he groaned.

“Can I put it in my mouth?” you asked.

“Please,” he gasped.

You carefully pulled him out of his boxer briefs and stroked it a few times, using your thumb to spread the precum at the tip.

You sat up a little more, then looked into his eyes as you spit on his cock. As soon as his eyes rolled back, you wrapped your lips around him.

“Fuck! You fuckin’….ah!” He gently held your head as you bobbed up and down slowly. “Look at you suckin’ my cock. Eyes, lass.”

You looked him in the eye and took him as deep as possible, making yourself gag.

“What a good fuckin’ girl. I love that sound. You wanna do it again for me?”

“Mm!” was the only answer you could give as you took him down your throat again.

“Guess that’s a yes.” He threw his head back and pumped into your mouth gently. “Can’t believe…fucking…happenin’…” he groaned. With a growl, he pulled you off his cock and kissed you hard.

“Why did you stop me?” you asked, voice a little rough.

“That’s not how I wanna finish the night,” he said.

You giggled as you undressed. His eyes grew wider and wider.

“What a fuckin’ gift you are,” he said. You started walking away but told him to follow, leading him to your bedroom.

“This is better.”

He nodded. “It is. Lie down.”

“No. Not until you take everything off.” You sat on the bed patiently as he undressed.

“Are you gonna say something?” he asked after you only stared at him for a while. He looked as though he was going to cover himself up.

“You’re lovely, Johnny.”

“Thanks, doll. Now, can you lie down for me?”

“I can.” You lay flat on your back with a giggle.

“Are you always this giddy during sex?” he teased as he climbed onto the bed.

“Ask me again next time,” you said.

“Next time,” he repeated before kissing you again.

He explored your body slowly, using his hands and his mouth. You could tell he liked your breasts because he spent much of his time there—sucking, biting, playing. He moved down to your stomach and kissed every inch of it he could.

You knew where he was going after, but nothing could have prepared you for his…skill. He teased you at first, kissing and biting at the soft skin of your inner thigh. When his tongue finally found your slit, you cried out so loud you were sure everyone could hear you.

“John!” you cried, and he pulled away. “Why…why…”

“Did you just call me John?” he asked.

“Yeah. So?” You held onto his hair, trying to force him back down.

“I thought I was Johnny….”

“John…please!”…you begged, and he chuckled before giving in. “Yes, John! Yes!”

“Yeah, that’s my fuckin’ name,” he said against your pussy. He swirled his tongue around your clit as he slowly slid a finger inside you.

“Don’t stop,” you whined.

“Jesus, you’re tight,” he said.

“Thank you,” you joked before he sucked on your clit, making you whimper.

“Cum for me, darlin’. Go on.”

“Yesssssss!” As you came, you held his head against you, and he slurped at you hungrily. You eventually let go and tried to catch your breath.

“I could have died there, but what a lovely way to go,” he joked, and you rolled your eyes.

“I’m just gonna sit on your face next time.”

“Please do.” He laid back, putting his hands behind his head. You turned and looked at him.

“I’m sorry, are you tired already?”

“What? No. Just catchin’ my breath…”

“Good.” You straddled him.

“Whoa!” He grinned up at you. “This really is a dream come true.”

“This is almost my dream come true,” you admitted.

“Almost?” he wondered.

“Yeah. It would be complete if you wore a kilt,” you laughed.

“Oh, very funny.”

“Yes, I know I am. Thank you,” you said before bending to kiss him. You rubbed your pussy along his cock, letting him feel how wet you were.

“I need to be in there,” he said.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” he grunted.

“How badly?” You reached down and wrapped your hand around him.

“Real bad.” He was breathing heavily.

“You want me to ride your cock? Make you cum inside of me?”

“I’m gonna cum on the outside of you if you don’t stop that kinda talk,” he joked.

“You can put it anywhere you want.” With another kiss, you sank onto his cock, and you both gasped.

“Anywhere?” he asked as he grabbed your ass, urging you to move.

“Yeah.” You kept your upper body against him as you started bouncing your ass on his cock. “But I want it inside me.”

“The good girl gets what she wants,” he said before groaning loudly. Holding you tightly, he began thrusting up into you. “She wants cum in her pussy, she gets cum in her pussy,” he growled.

“Fuck, yes! Please, John!” You could barely keep yourself upright anymore. He must have noticed because he rolled over so that he was on top now.

“Rub that pretty little cunt for me, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you whined. You loved that he looked down to watch you play with yourself as he fucked you. It didn’t take you long to cum again.

“God, you’re practically gushing all over me,” he said, tilting his head and watching his cock move in and out of you.

“You’re too far away,” you complained, holding your arms out to him.

“Sorry, love.” He leaned in and rested his forehead against yours. “How’s that?”

“So good,” you moaned. “Cum inside me. Please, John.”

“Close,” was all he could say. He was grunting with each thrust now, his brow furrowed in determination.

“Cum inside me, Lieutenant.”

“Ah fuck! I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna cum….” He let out a sound close to a roar when his orgasm first washed over him then he was whimpering.

You both lay there quietly. His head was on your shoulder, and his eyes were closed.

“Johnny?”

“Hm?” He opened one eye.

“You okay?”

“You kiddin’ me? I’m better than I’ve been in a long time. Christ,” he mumbled before pulling out of you and rolling onto his back.

“That was…”

“Pure dead brilliant!” he finished, and you looked at him before laughing.

“That’s one way to put it. Be right back.” You rolled out of bed and did a little run to the bathroom. When you came back out, you were sure Johnny would be sleeping, but he was wide awake.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

“Pure dead brilliant,” you teased.

“Hush. Gimme a minute,” he said as he got out of bed and went to the bathroom. You watched his tight little bum the entire time.

When he walked out, he froze when he saw you looking at him. “So…do you want me to go?” he asked.

“No. Do you want to go?” you asked.

“No.”

“Then get back in bed.” You smiled as he walked over excitedly and jumped into bed. “I have a super important question to ask.”

“Oh boy…okay…” He turned to you and propped himself up on his elbow.

“Why the haircut?”

“That’s your burnin’ question?” He made a face. “I dunno, really. I don’t quite look right with too much hair, but I don’t look right with too little hair either, so…it’s a good in-between.”

“Good to know.”

“I mean…do you like it?” He reached up and touched his hair.

“I do.” You moved his hand and played with his hair.

“You think this will change anything between us?” you asked.

“No, I don’t, but if you’d rather not do this again, I get it.”

“Just promise me that we’ll always be this close.” You put your hand on his chest.

“Lass, I don’t think two people can get any closer than we just did.” He laughed, and you hid your face in his neck. “Nah, I know what you mean, in any case. I ain’t going anywhere.”

“Good.” You wrapped yourself around him, and he put an arm around you.

Pure dead brilliant.

[weirdcat1213]

Almost 3am trigun brianrot time! This is long so be prepared

Tldr: it's about my idea of trigun 98 being the body, stampede the mind and trimax the soul

Ok so I was thinking about how TF I'm gonna handle trimax for @vashsscoreboardofpain (follow that is gonna be funny) and then I remembered an idea for a master post I wanted to do. I still want to make it but sadly I'm not at a stable position rn to do so. Maybe one day. But I still wanted to put that idea cuz it's slowly taking more form

Now, when I mean X is Y I mean it in a "this version of trigun has everything yes, but highlights Y the most and I think that's neat." Also it applies for all the characters but tonight I'm gonna focus on vash cuz im a vash enjoyer first and a person second. Yes my favorite character is the main one sue me.

Anyway, let's go

Trigun 98 is the body and vash encapsulates this idea in an interesting way. Plant powers aren't really a thing in this version so he is more like a super human with a fucked up arm. This makes him the closes to humans he's ever gonna be. But even if he doesn't have powers on this one, it was his and knives' bodies the cause that one guy's fear (its 3am I don't remember). He's afraid of how fast they grow and how much they learn. 98 also highlights vash's body being like everyone else's. He gets hurt multiple times, he needs nurses and kind people to look after him. Not only during the eriks episode but also on the episode after he kills legato. He also shows vulnerability by getting so drunk he needs to really focus to aim. He needs food and water. 98 Vash is really the closest one to humanity than the other 2, but only because of his physical attributes. Only because of his body, which bring him trouble most of the time. His vulnerable body is the cause of his misery, but it also allowed him to get close to people

Stampede is the mind cuz yeah, they had a specific mind palace episode (which I loved I ate that shit right up) but also because it does give us an easier access to everyone's mental state. We get to see this vash speedrun so many psychological problems in 12 episodes and is not gonna slow down. We literally get to see the guilt and terrors that plague his mind and how his mental fortitude exists thanks to other people. Also if you notice it, people just diagnose him left and right on stampede. Roberto picks up the ED signs, most characters tell him he has a death wish, nai straight up tells him he's doing good things out of guilt and vash allows himself to think about his contradictions outloud in episode 12 and why does he do the things he does (something that would be a therapy exercise I wanna say). Stampede is the mind cuz everyone is getting retrospective

And finally, trimax is the soul because it has more time to dwell on the characters emotions than any other version will ever give us. Instead of straight up diagnosis, trimax will give us panels to show us how vash feels about a situation. Instead of showing vash hurt from the horrors done to his body, trimax will focus on his pain. On his eyes that refuse to look at his own terrifying body that we can see, but only he can feel. What I mean is trimax is designed to drown us with emotion. The other versions are emotional af too, but trimax has that raw emotion up its sleeve. Trimax does nor dwell on the multiple scars vash has or his many Many mental problems. It shows us how fucked up vash's thoughts are about his body and his sins and we get to say "ohhhh...oh no". Trimaxs emotion is so heavy to bear that the body nor the mind are still present, but in comparison to the soul, they aren't highlighted. People say eyes are the windows of the soul and honestly I feel like you can learn so much of vash just from looking at his eyes. Once you focus on his soul and emotions you just can't let go of the feeling that this man will be drowned by his own emotions. Both positive and negative.

I want to rewrite this one day. Fuck, I'm pretty sure I got the Google doc somewhere. But I also wanted to put that idea out there. Because this doesn't mean one version is better than the other. It means that they all highlight different parts but they all end up in the same conclusion: trigun is about connections and alienation and love and peace

And vash needing therapy. Desperately.

[lilith-little-world]

Character ai is a mess. I went back to it and lost myself in it again, but I'm back now but idk for how long. So I'm gonna like speedrun all of my writing and editing for this and the 2nd chapter. Cause holy shit, I'm gonna be hella busy in a few months. Also found out I have a small and harmless heart condition...yeah so this month been crazy.

Also made a little drawing since I was gone for a while. Hopefully I’ll be back with weekly updates now I’m off of character ai and started to take meds for my heart.

I Saw You Once In a Dream, Maybe Pt 9

Is it too late to kick him out? He stares up at you and smirks. You can feel your face get ready as the embarrassment hits. You can't be seriously asking for him to tag along.

You might as well beg for him to come.

“Can you please, come with me? I would appreciate it, if you can. I'll even buy something for you.”

It took everything in you to stare back at him. The urge to smack him increased when his smirk widened.

How the fuck did you two got married in the future?

“Oh, of course, I will come along. Especially when you asked so nicely.” He stands up and heads to the front door, giving you one last glance.

You sigh and try to calm down. Ever since running into him, your day has been…well you can't even describe it. Was it bad? Good? Meh?

You lock the door and catch up to Monkey King, who was waiting for you on the sidewalk. He gives you a soft smile.

“So which way are we going?”

“There's a small market nearby. It's just a short walk, 5 minutes tops.”

You walk off and try to block out any thoughts of how you prefer that smile on his face.

Monkey King nods and follows you.

“So what are you planning for dinner? I'm not much of a cook but I can help!” He stares at you with that same soft expression.

What the hell happened?! Why is he acting all calm and sweet all of a sudden?

You continue to ignore your thoughts and how your heart was fluttering.

“I don't know, I guess we'll find out when I buy the groceries. I'm not much of a cook either. I just fall asleep and skip dinner for most nights.”

“I don't think that's healthy for a human.” He mutters. You can see he wanted to say something more.

“Maybe, but I never had a reason to make dinner. A snack or takeout was enough.”

“So why not tonight?”

“Well…” You felt nervous and embarrassed. “It's been a while since I had someone over at my house so I just thought…that maybe I should do something different- something special.” You didn't need to see your face to know you were blushing. You wanted to scold yourself for getting all flustered for no reason yet all your thoughts stopped when you glanced at Monkey King.

He stares at you with wide eyes.

“You're cooking dinner because of me?” His eyes seem to shine like stars. Beaming with fondness and affection. “Looks like someone is falling for me.”

“What?! I just met you!” You nudge his shoulder. You wanted to get mad or at least annoyed but you just laughed. Monkey King laughs with you as he bumps his shoulder with yours. “Sneakily” holding your hand. Intertwining his fingers with yours, his grasp firm.

You smiled at him and held his hand back. Leaning on his shoulder as you both walk to the grocery store.

Even though you two spent an hour there. You enjoyed his company. Monkey King, helping by grabbing items or just joking around and having fun. What had always been a chore for you, felt fun when he joined along.

Okay, maybe you're starting to understand why you married this idiot.

Also, you managed to buy a little more than usual since he could carry a lot of things. That was a huge plus for you, since you refuse to use your car for anything. Does that thing even work? Oh, wait, pretty sure you lost the key to it and are too lazy to get a new one.

“Thank you again for helping to carry the bags back. You can place it on the counter.”

“You bought a lot of things, how empty is your fridge?”

“Shhhh, we don't talk about that. I bet you don't even have a fridge, so don't judge.”

“There's literally nothing in here.” He said placing a few items in the fridge.

You blow a raspberry at him and put the refrigerated items in the fridge.

“I told you I usually eat a snack or takeout. I hardly cook.”

“Is it because you don't know how to cook? How worried should I be, when you serve me my plate?”

You roll your eyes.

“If you're so worried, then I won't serve you anything.”

“Hey now, I said, I would be worried but that won't stop me from eating it. Edible or not, you're serving me food you made! No way I'm passing that opportunity. Maybe I can pretend, my darling spouse made me the best dinner after a long day of work.”

“Ha-ha, very funny. Are we really going to roleplay being an old married couple or what? We barely met, Monkey King.”

“Wukong, you can call me Wukong.”

You raise a brow at him.

“Alright, Wukong. So we are on a first-name basis now huh?”

“I mean-” He glances away, but you can see his cheeks turning red. “I really want to have a relationship with you and it'll be weird having you calling me by my title.”

It was weird to see him so…embarrassed and flustered. Throughout this whole day, he has been teasing you. Maybe there were a few moments when you saw him more softly. You just laughed and ruffled his fur in his head.

“I guess you're right about that, so Wukong it is then. Now put on a show we can watch while I cook. Nothing fancy or crazy, just some regular easy and fast food.”

Wukong chuckles as he heads to the living room.

“Alright, fine, but no complaints about what I pick.”

You put away the groceries and left the ingredients out. Once in a while, glancing at the tv to see what Wukong was searching for. You head to the trash can to throw something away when you spot the stuffed toy.

A part of you felt bad for throwing it away but another part of you felt embarrassed that you even bought the toy. What would Wukong think? Would he tease you about it or be hurt that you threw it away? That's if he found out. I wonder what will be the consequences for this?

[sojrner-fishsticcc]

GRAHHHH FUCKING BLITZO DONE!!!!!!!!!!

too fucken lazy for a background or pose rn so just enjoy The Guy. rlly happy with how this came out also i managed to speedrun the whole process n get it done in like under three hours, all in one sitting. also recorded the uvmapping and texturing so i might make a timelapse or smth, next time def gonna record the whole process. this is the first model i've made where it feels like everyhting just clicked together! doesn't feel like any part was out of place, im really proud of the the texturing on basically every part, and i managed to get the eyes done in one try! i'm so excited to put all of the cast side by side, with some props n poses. also while posting the process, one of my friends threatened to make stolas before me so :) might make him first just out of spite. i've been on a roll! turns out cranking out models when i'm motivated is so fast, so excited to see how fast i can make stuff when i;'m determined.

so yah! that's all for tonight, i'm gonna pass out since im vv sleepy from all this modelinmg. goodnight weird people!!!

[thesmokinpossum]

So I really dislike the dude who was supposed to assist me at the post office on monday nights and tonight I had to give him a stern talk about how it's not ok to take literally 3 time his breaktime while I was out there dying at the counter trying to serve all the customers.

Well, he got accused of smoking weed during his long break (can't really judge anyone on that but all I'm gonna say is that if you do that, make sure you actually can pull it off because otherwise you're gonna look like an idiot) AND of stealing money from one of our coworker bag (I could forgive all the other things but that's truly scummy behavior), all of that in a 5 hours shift, my man was really out there speedrunning the lost of his reputation in this store and I don't think I'll ever see him anymore 😊

[todayisafridaynight]

EXCITED TO SEE Y3 SPEEDRUN STRATS IN ACTION !!! I paused the speedrun I started like 15 minutes in like "yeah I can do that" and came back 17 hours later having finished Y3 So. Yeah <3

Crying at how the endgame strategy is basically the same as Saejima's plan for carrying out the Ueno Seiwa hit though

IT BEEN A LONG WHILE SINCE I SPEEDRAN Y3 PLEASE DONT EXPECT MUCH FROM ME i'm gonna try to squeeze in practice tonight if not tomorrow and throughout the week, but still.... im clumsy..

its SO funny though its my favorite thing and its why i love SRing y3- like ALL OF THIS just to gun everyone down ☠️☠️ all this technical business for like 10 chapters then youre guns ablazin..

[berryblu-soda]

K yall, gonna try and speedrun 2 entire assignments tonight so I can go see spiderverse tomorrow, wish me luck o7

[spectrearia]

double-tag time lol

got tagged in two different question things by @galactictides52 and @gonturan0 xD gonna fill both of 'em out at the same time I guess haha! thanks for the tags!!

going under a cut because there's quite a lot here haha

tagged by @galactictides52:

Last song I listened to: Follow by Survive Said the Prophet

Favorite content to watch: uhhh.. hm. depends on my mood. I usually gravitate towards let's plays or documentaries on a whole variety of topics? speedrunning, electronics, abandoned places, and critiques on a wide variety of media are some of my go-tos for documentary/commentary-style content. there's a lot more tho that I can't think of off the top of my head. I just like listening to people discuss random stuff haha.

Favorite games: Oooh, quite a few. Minecraft, Super Mario Sunshine, Luigi's Mansion, Professor Layton, Ace Attorney, Hitman (World of Assassination), and recently Hatsune Miku: Project Diva Mega Mix are some that immediately come to mind. There are so many more games I could add but I gotta keep this kinda simple xD

Favorite colors: I love all colors for various reasons but any shade of purple is my absolute fave <3

Favorite animal: CATS!!! though I'm sure that's pretty obvious, haha xD I can't help but relate to them so much lol

Favorite food: mmmm. maybe my mom's beef and potato hash? it's the ultimate comfort food to me and she doesn't make it often, but it always Hits Just Right whenever I do get to have it.

Sweet, spicy, or savory: savory all the way, baby. don't mind a bit of spice alongside the savory sometimes but it depends on what it is.

Current obsession: my own OCs (and some friends' OCs as well). I literally talk about them all the time and I could say I'm sorry but I'm really not. xD if we're talking media in general tho? I guess the Hatsune Miku game I mentioned earlier counts, lol

Last book I read: oof. I can't even remember. for published books, I want to say it was Mayday at Two Thousand Five Hundred by Frank E. Peretti? but if not, then it was probably my friend's original story draft. I hardly ever read anymore, honestly. I just write what I want to read instead.

Last thing I googled: don't use google, per se. but I think the last thing I searched online was the lyrics to King by Kanaria because I want to learn how to sing along lol

Fun facts: I always suck at these haha. can't really think of anything so I might just have to leave this as-is, rip ><;;

---

tagged by @gonturan0:

3 ships: lol I don't do ships so I don't have much to put here xD I guess I kinda "shipped" some characters when I was younger (like Mario and Peach or whatever), but not? to an extreme degree or anything? was never my focus. still isn't. Honorable mention does go out to Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable, though. I felt their relationship was handled really well, even though I typically really don't like romance in kids' media at all.

first ever ship: idk probably Mickey and Minnie when I was like 5??? haha

last song: (see #1 in previous list)

Last movie: oof, memory is bad. it's been a while. the Mario movie???? in theaters??? i think. I can't remember. I don't watch movies as often as I used to tbh

currently reading: nothing right now, unless you count this list ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

currently watching: not "currently" but I'll probably watch the newest update of a Voices of the Void let's play that I'm keeping up with sometime later tonight :0

currently consuming: waterrr. stay hydrated, my dudes~

currently craving: sushi;;; specifically my Fave Big Roll with shrimp tempura, crab, cucumber, and a bunch of other good stuff (also SPICY MAYO, my beloved) <33

ayyyy, that's all, folks! I don't really know who to tag with this so i guess if anyone sees it and wants to fill it out, u can just say I tagged you xD I don't mind, haha!

[sl33py-g4m3r]

more slime rancher rambling~~ gonna love this game~~~

man I spoiled myself on some stuff~~

and now want to speedrun the game to get to where you can get the echos~~ cause making pretty colours with them look fun~~

I've spoiled myself on some of the areas~~ :(

the slimes as a whole are adorable~~ I want irl plushes of them so bad~~~

how do you store stuff aside from the vacpack? are there storage and is it worth it to get it? or how do you store extra stuff if your vacpack is full and you need to also collect more than 4 things?

hopefully there are vacpack upgrades~~

also spoiled on the existence of some "party gordo" ? and heard that it appears randomly somewhere on the weekend? like in game weekend or irl weekend? I'll get there eventually, but what are gordos anyway?

I could see myself grinding the things to get ornaments~~

might update my playthrough~~ might not~~ I'm prone to just drop games after a while sadly~~

I wanna know more but also not be spoiled of more stuff~~~ darn it~~

hope slime rancer 2 comes to the switch someday~~~

or I can buy it and slime rancher and try to run them on linux~~ but I've never tried to run steam on linux before~~

got to actually play and get further~~ maybe it'll help me get back into gaming again~~!

the technology and stuff is really cool~~ like you can pass through the corral but the slimes can't? unless they hop over~~

an adorably fun game that I feel I can get lost in~~~ in the "time means nothing" way, lol~~~

how do you save? or does it save automatically? I'm sorry for all the questions~~

gonna love this game when I get in the swing of things~~~

that begs the question, what's the best way to organize your ranch? is there a true best way? or just whatever works for you?

I think too much, and seem to not do enough, lol~~~ gonna actually play the game more tonight to hopefully see other types of slimes~~ I've just gathered some carrots, some fruit, some more pink slimes, and wandered around the dry reef a little bit~~

and I found cats~~~ cat slime~~~ let's go~~~ grey, cute and bouncy~~~

[new-york-manga]

Into The Puppet's Circus

Ahem! Tonight...

Today is my birthday, a campfire was set up for my two friends and me so we can tell ghost stories at midnight. I didn't tell my dads that we'd be playing our Mario fangame instead, but I don't think they'll mind it.

"Yo Ann! When we gonna get to that castle ya built?" asked Dan who was impatiently skipping through the levels instead of analyzing them like I asked him to.

"Relax, you'll get there at the speed your deciding to speedrun at mach five" I taunted at him, fixing my strawberry blond space buns.

"You could slow down and enjoy the game instead" said Mike, fixing his glasses innocently.

Dan finally started to slow down his own pace and sat the computer to his side before facing himself forwards toward the screen. At that moment, my dads walked out of the house with the Marshmallows and sticks.

"I thought you kids'd be screamin' Bloody Mary by now." said Pappa.

"Not until I get to your daughter's castle" exclaimed Dan who was still focused on the game.

"Oh? And how many world's left do you have 'til you reach her 'secret' world?" asked Daddy.

That confused Dan while it made me blush in embarrassment.

"They haven't even reached eighteen yet Carol! Let 'em be kids. Besides, for all we know he probably hasn't completed world one." said Papa, handing me the marshmallows and sticks.

"Alright, alright. My bad. Just makin' sure nothing funny happens" said Daddy while being guided back into the house.

"You kids take care" said Papa waving back at us before they both walked inside.

"Ann, why is the game reseting every time I reach one dash four?" asked Dan, turning the computer to me.

I handed Mike the sticks while holding the bag in my mouth before kneeling both to play the game myself, assuming it was just glitching out.

Once I completed the four levels the game did reset, so I went back to quickly fix the code.

" 'Aight, it should be fixed now" I said, turning the computer back to Dan.

I sat right next to him as he played through all four levels, only for the game to reset again.

"Are you kidding me?" I shouted at the game.

Eventually, after multiple attempts of repeating my steps, the game just crashed every time I tried to open it.

"Man, I'm sorry." said Dan.

"No, it's not your fault. My game was working fine this morning. Just go home and get some sleep and I'll call you guys when I fix it." I explained, tears running down my Cheeks.

Dan walk in front of me and then gently lifted my head up. His expression was clearly embarrassed to be face to face with me, but his eye were looking into mine.

"It's gonna be a great game! Don't overwork yourself. 'Aight?" said Dan.

He and Mike then waved back as they walked down the street to their houses.

After putting out the fire and then walking the unopened bag of marshmallows back into a kitchen cabinet, I went to pick up my computer.

Against Dan's comment, I went back into my room to fix the code of my game.

As I open up the file, a random pop-up asked if I wanted to make changes to my computer. Thinking that I simply forgot to update my hardware I quickly clicked yes while laying lazily on my bed. The next image that appeared was of a criminal page. I had lent Daddy the computer for his case since the killer, whose face was on my screen, kicked his into a wall before being shot at.

"Jacklyn the Butcher" read the picture.

I simply closed the tab before my game finally booted up again. But as I took a look at the titlescreen, I noticed it wasn't my game. The sky was pitch black...

Or at least of what I could see from the windows of Peach's Castle. I had originally designed my game to be a 3D collectathon before I made it linear, so I then assumed my game got corrupted by Dan's speedrun.

"Thanks Danny Boy" I mumbled.

I started the game to my playable Bowser. His new moveset was still present so I was able to get moving pretty quickly. While circling around like an idiot, I noticed that I was already inside Peach's Castle. Moving the camera, I eventually spotted a Jack in the Box that resembled a smiling Peach. No eyes, her face slit in half until the crack reached her mouth that had an opening similar to a nutcracker.

It waved at me when I used the first person view. And then it closed its eyes and giggled at me before suddenly snapping my arms to my bed without touching me.

Two Toads sprung out of the floor to cover my screams. Despite that, I could still hear the slamming of the door to my room as my dads tried their best to open it. They had ran up the stairs too late late as my bed started to levitate towards the slowling opening closet that had become a darkened door to the puppet's hidden face.

"Do you hear your parents?" It asked me, looking deep into my eyes as it's mouth raised up and down to the sound of its own words.

"They already took me to my own personal little hell, why don't you join me?" after her last phrase, she lunged straight at me before I kicked her back into the closet from where she came. I then ripped both Toads off of me one by one before throwing them back into that "little hell" with her. My dads finally broke down the door to rush me out of my own room, but not before she came back out to grab Daddy to drag him into the closet. Both Papa and I grasped his arms as she hopped onto his back.

"Ready for my next trick?" she winked at us and giggled as he proceeded to pull him in half, organs flying in her direction.

She then jumped to Papa.

"Run!" He screamed while being torn in half the same way Daddy had died. She quickly cleaned up the bodies an then her face with a napkin before grabbing onto my leg and dragging me into the closet door and then throwing me onto the floor.

"Such a delicate little face. You will make a glorious little toy." she said, gently lifting my head with tears running down my cheeks.

She then rose into the top floor, opening a second closet door and then setting me on the bad.

"Now that your in my world we will get to play an eternal game of hide and seek!"

You will eventually learn to enjoy our little game." she closed her eyes and then slammed the closet shut. When I hurriedly crawled to the door and then opened it, all I could find was a globe playing lullaby music with a clock whose hour hand was moving ever so slowly to the next midnight.

[jadedrrose]

ARGHHHH THAT AOUNDS AMAZING i might just have to watch videos because i dont know when my switch will be available again... playing skyrim and botw on there were my fav pass times i miss playing so much 😭😭 but WOW i just searched up sooga and WOOOOOOW THOSE YIGA WARRIORS NEVER LOOKED THAT HOT IN BOTW YOU CAN PLAY AS HIM?? AND URBOSA?? CAN YOU PLAY AS ALL THE CHAMPIONS?? DAMN IT THAT SOUNDS SO GOOD 😭😭 IMPA TOO IT SADDENS ME THAT I MIGHT NEVER PLAY IT (or at least for the time being,, years,, thanks for the luck though yaya) but WOW i might just read fics if you write about him even though you said,,, no face no anything how he acts it's probably hard to do anything lol did u even read any sooga fics?

also same i think. law's also my longest fictional crush he's just so 😭😭 don't get me wrong there's hot ass characters but i'm so invested in him like not just the badump badump he's hot its badump badump he's precious,, everytime i find smiling pics of him it's just "my boy,,," i just wanna see him happy with his crew and homies (let's ignore what happens 🥰🥰)

as for botw take ur time enjoying it i finished it pretty quickly tbh? i was always trying to do the speedrun tricks LMAO some of those tracks tho mmmmm u do u m'lady!!

1- if you do end up watching videos of it being played I’d recommend just watching a silent playthrough (like no commentary) so that you can get as close as possible to playing lol. But anyway…. YEAH. Like I thought the Yiga foot soldiers and blademasters seemed hot in botw… but then I saw this tiktok that was ranking how hot Zelda men are and someone in the comments said “why’d you leave out Sooga” and another comment replying to it mentioned Yiga… so I RAN to my friend and asked her and she told me to get the game lol. All night I was texting her about when he’d appear 😭 But when I finally saw him…. His voice is what sealed it for me LMAO. Him and Urbosa are just so 🥴. I love them both (Sooga more tho). Also I feel like I will end up writing at least one fic for him bc of an idea I have (though it’s mostly with my oc in mind… but I can implement it for the fic). I haven’t read anything for him (yet?) and I hope people actually write for him bc he’s not a main character 😔🙏 hopefully tonight I will start my search for that… lol 👀

2- yes!! Law it’s like… my brain simply recognizes him as being my husband so every time I see anything with him it’s just like “oh hey babes” 😭 (and I will fight anyone who acts like Law is basically dead now)

3- I’ve definitely taken my time with the game lol. All I have left is a few side quests, the final sword trial and then Ganon. I think I’m gonna cry when I finish it 🤧 even tho I’m dying to play totk (especially bc I’ve miraculously avoided most spoilers)