#gonna let it out into the void and delete later

[boydepartment]

still into you- nishimura riki x reader

a/n: THIS WAS REQUESTED BY ONE OF MY ANONS HERE!

request: now months later reader's in the practice room, late at night on the floor, catching their breath while the music plays in the background softly. it was then when Ni-Ki slams open the door not expecting anyone to be there and their eyes meet through the reflection of the mirror dance rooms have

warnings- none tbh :3 just both of them being goofy

wc- 300-400

MASTERLIST

sprawling out on the practice room floor was like clockwork to you. especially after a long day of dancing and cardio.

it helped to keep you distracted too, your work was everything to you. it helped fill a void that you didn’t even want to think about right now.

you stretched out hearing a couple pops, laughing to yourself before flipping on your stomach to go on your phone.

frowning when you turned it on it was a wallpaper of you and your ex. you really need to delete it, it was still in the wallpaper album that changes it every hour.

it was just a reminder of the void, you weren’t even mad at him anymore. you missed him and wished you had communicated with him more. it’s one of your biggest regrets…

sighing you opened tiktok so you could have your break. your music from your ipad connected to the speakers playing softly in the background. ironically enough still into you by paramore was playing.

you were about to like a video when the door slammed open, scaring you so bad you jumped back.

“GO AWAY IM ABOUT TO PRACTICE!” the boy laughed before walking in, not even taking in your presence as he was looking down at his phone.

for a split second you took in his appearance now. it changed a lot, he looked like he bulked up, his hair was cut shorter, WAS THAT A TATTOO ON HIS FOREARM?

you blinked and he finally looked up at you, “oh.”

oh? that’s all he was gonna say to you? OH? after months of not talking… OH???

“um.” you quickly got up, grabbing your ipad, phone, and hoodie, “you can have the room haha it’s fine anyways-“

“wait no…” riki quickly ran to the door and blocked it, as you were making a beeline to the exit.

you looked up at him, your stuff pooling out of your hands, “get out of my way!”

“no!”

“what the hell!” you started to laugh, “you can have the practice room! let me go!”

“no!” riki said again, now using his arms and legs to block the door, “please don’t leave i really- i just-“

you set your stuff down by your feet, “you need to what? finally explain yourself, apologize for being a dick?”

riki was about to talk, “i-“ he put his hand up, “yeah…”

“little late for that.” you went to pick up your stuff again and you saw him trying to look through his brain for anything. his body slumping against the door now.

part of you felt kinda bad. the breakup was a little messy, him being busy, him not being able to tell you that he loves you, you both being a little short tempered. it just wasn’t the right time for either of you. you didn’t hold bad blood or anything. it was just awkward

you grabbed your stuff properly this time, “okay, move. it’s not funny or cute anymore.”

“anymore? you thought it was funny and cute before?” he put his hands and legs almost in a starfish position again against the door. grinning with that all too familiar mischievous smile of his.

“riki! i’m serious! i’ve been practicing forever, i smell bad and i need to get food!” you tried to move past him. you couldn’t help the small giggles escaping you.

“no! i can’t! i need to tell you that im in love with you still and im sorry i didn’t say it before because i was scared to!” at this point he was word vomiting.

you looked up at him, “you are?”

riki’s eyes were still closed, he nodded rapidly, the last nod he hit his head against the door. which left you falling over laughing.

riki looked horrified, did he just embarrass himself? what if you had another boyfriend already? or girlfriend? it’s been months.

“you’re so cute.”

oh…

his ears turned bright red as he watched you laughing on the floor. you looked up at him with that same sweet smile you had previous to your breakup. he sat down on the floor in front of you.

“i meant what i said…” he said as your laughter died down and you were left staring at eachother.

you smiled at him again, “i still love you.”

his eyes widened and he smiled back, “you do?”

“yes i do.”

he jumped up and did a little dance before grabbing your hands and lifting you up. hugging you and swinging you around.

“i love you so much i’m sorry i didn’t say it before. i really do love you.” he set you down, “even if you smell bad after practicing.”

you shoved his shoulder and riki laughed, “i’m kidding i’m kidding!”

you hugged him again, your arms shaking around his waist.

“can i come with you to eat dinner then?”

“as my boyfriend or my ex?” you mumbled. you felt his arms hold you back, his chin on your head.

“as your boyfriend obviously… if that’s okay…”

you smiled up at him, “yeah that’s okay, if you’re okay with me being stinky?”

he sighs dramatically and raises his eyebrows, “guess thats okay.”

you both start laughing before getting into a debate on what to eat together.

[finemeal]

AO3 Etiquette

Alright, y’all, you already know what I’m about to say. But go ahead get some water, something to eat, take your meds, and whatever else you need to do as I go into this. Ready? Good.

I’ve seen far too many users on AO3 being rude and saying things that I’m not even sure they understand is rude.

If you’ve done these things, don’t sweat it too much. As long as you learn and do better, that’s what’s important. I don’t wanna make anyone feel bad, but I want to make y’all AWARE.

So let’s talk about some basic etiquette for interacting on AO3.

(Disclaimer: not every AO3 author is going to agree. Some are okay with some of these things, some aren’t. Let’s just play on the safe side yeah?)

Comment Etiquette

Listen, we’ve all left comments on fics we like. But here’s the thing, some of us don’t realize what comments are rude or not.

Comments that pass the vibe check:

Hearts

Something you liked about the story

Saying you enjoyed the story

Excited to see more from an author (not demanding an update, not asking for more, just genuine excitement for whatever the author has in store)

Anything that is genuinely nice

Theories on what you think will happen (not necessarily what you want or hope happens)

Comments that do not pass the vibe check:

DEMANDING an update

Treating fic authors like content pumps and not real people who do this in their free time

Critiquing the story

Saying how they should’ve written something different

Constructive criticism that the author did NOT ask for

Saying things that are purposefully antagonistic

Trolling

Anything that if someone said to you about something you worked hard on you would think was rude

Dogging on how a character was written

Comments that are WILDLY different from the tone of the story (i.e leaving a graphically violent comment on a story that does not feature graphic violence)

Any mention on how long it’s been since they’ve updated — you’re gonna make your wait longer

This one is more of a personal ick but any “want to see” comments, specifically on one-shots (I want you to enjoy what I’ve written, not talk about stories you hope I’ll write — unless author says that they specifically want those comments)

Honestly there’s so many comments that do not pass the vibe check I can’t even list them all. But I listed a BUNCH so, general rule of thumb is: If you’re not sure it’s rude, reach out to a friend and ask. Also, you can ask for people in the comment section to vibe check you if you’re unsure. And? If you know it’s rude and say it anyway, you’re an asshole.

ALSO: author’s will read your comments! They may not respond, but 9/10 author’s will read the comment so remember that you’re not posting into the void. And? People will call you out if you’re being rude. Don’t double down. Apologize, delete comment, move on.

Author’s talk, we will block you if you’re a raging asshole cuz we don’t need that kinda energy in our fics. And, sometimes we’ll turn off anon commenters cuz if you’re going to continue to be an asshole, and can’t even say it to our face, you din’t deserve to comment.

Bookmark Etiquette

This one is prolly gonna get a lot of people riled up and I simply don’t care. If you disagree, that’s fine, just know as an author and friends with other AO3 author’s we consider these sorts of things rude.

Bookmarks that pass the vibe check:

No comment

A nice comment with the bookmark

Private bookmarks (no matter what it’s tagged/commented with)

Nice/neutral tags

A note to self about where you left off

Bookmarks that do not pass the vibe check:

Anything rude for the comment/tag section of a bookmark — unsure what’s rude? See comment section above

Ranking the fic (see this way more often in bookmarks than anywhere else)

Unread bookmarks (not always a fail, it’s just weird? You can mark for later, why are you bookmarking my story without reading it?)

If your bookmark is private? It doesn’t matter how you tag/note it/whatever. But if it’s public? Author’s will sometimes go look at bookmarks because people will leave nice little comments that make us feel good. If you say something mean we can’t even delete it. But I can guarantee we’ll block you!

Yes, bookmarks are for the reader, but just because you didn’t intend for an author to see what you said doesn’t make it any less mean. If it’s public: shame on you. Make a bookmark that’s mean in private, then I won’t care.

Conclusion

Don’t be mean. If you don’t like a story, you don’t have to say anything. It takes more time to leave a nasty comment or bookmark something in a mean way than it does to just back out of the fic. I get it, you don’t like the fic. I don’t like every fic I read. You know what we do? We use the back button.

We’re all people, we all have lives and things going on. Just know 2024 is the year I’m no longer replying to nasty comments. I’m deleting them, blocking if I want to, and moving on.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Again, this post has a very aggressive tone because I’m sick of seeing mean comments on my friend’s fics. Will this stop those comments? No, but I hope it lessens them.

This truly is just about educating people. If you have any questions, anything you want to add. Feel free, pop off monarchs.

[firenati0n]

gonna sneaky delete this later but it's 5:30am and i am feeling completely fucking insane. self-deprecating rambly bullshit under the cut. if anyone has any advice don't hesitate to reach out over dm or message or whatever. just know this is not who I am normally like?? Just a little blip.

I keep feeling super weird and terrible about my general sense of self/worth and writing and it's made worse by twitter/tumblr/ao3 metrics bullshit. And I try so hard not to think about these things.

I'm not jealous of successful writers (new or legacy) AT ALL because I want everyone to get love and accolades and kudos! There is room for everyone and fandom is gorgeous bc everyone is included.

I was writing proposal au today and feeling super off and thought "maybe i should go back and read my fic on ao3 to remind myself I'm decent" and then I did that and almost deleted the whole thing thinking about my own mediocrity. I hate feeling this way. I hate that i put so much of my self worth and self image into what others say about or to me.

i instead channel it completely inward into the strongest form of self-loathing. Like why would anyone want to hear what i have to say? Or read anything I write? when there's so much gorgeous prose out there and beautiful smut and hilarious crack and sweet fluff and like. What am i even doing amongst y'all. Why am I here.

I hate myself sometimes for wanting so much validation and craving community/support because i feel like i come off as annoying and desperate sometimes???? I just see what fics get rec'd and read and screamed about and I wonder if anything I write will ever measure up. And then I think "no probably not" and exit my doc to stare at the wall and loathe myself for a bit before refocusing and writing some more. Rinse and repeat. I wish I had just stayed in my lane sometimes.

The only person making this not fun is me! And I don't know why my brain won't let me just...Enjoy things!

Sorry for the heinous wall of word soup. I just kind of needed to scream into the void and hope that someone yells kindly back.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas :)

im not sure this is me asking for advice because i don’t think there’s really a recipe for getting over someone but i just need to rant into the void

so there’s this girl. let’s call her lucy. we went to the same high school but never really met. she was a year older and one of those “popular” girls i guess, so we never really crossed paths, but we knew about each other. she was one of those girls who made the room brighter just by being in it. like calling her gorgeous is an understatement. and she was always super kind to everyone. like all the boys in school had a crush on her at some point.

so fast forward a bit, first year of uni. i moved into a big city and enrolled into the same university as lucy’s best friend. let’s call her cathy (lucy lives in a different city about 4 hours from us). cathy and i quickly become really close and of course she starts mentioning lucy a lot. she also talks about me to lucy. cathy starts telling me how we should definitely hang out, how we have so much in common and how lucy would love to get to know me (we both loved taylor swift read the same books etc) but as we lived in different cities it was kinda hard to arrange. quickly we developed this kind of weird parasocial relationship through cathy. like lucy would tell cathy to ask my opinion on something, she would send cathy voicemails to forward to me when she wanted to discuss something, she also invited me to a harry styles concert but i was busy so i couldn’t go and so on. i should maybe point out that she didn’t really use social media so that’s why she didn’t dm me or something.

at one point i discover that lucy is a lesbian. cathy never really mentions it but it becomes quite obvious from some stories. and at this point, i kinda start crushing really hard. my little lesbian heart is only so strong and here’s this drop dead gorgeous girl who is so amazing and we have so much in common and god what is a girl to do.

i learn that lucy has a girlfriend and get kinda sad but can’t really complain so i try to get over my little crush and move on. however, one day lucy deletes all pictures with her gf from instagram she briefly had. a few weeks later she messages me and tells me she wants to visit me and cathy, and that there’s this big 1989 tv release party in the city i live in and she would love for us to go together. i’m of course smiling into my pillow.

so she comes in october for the party. this is our first time officially hanging out. and god, we have the best night ever. nothing explicitly romantic happens, but we just have so much fun. we go out for drinks and talk and then we go to this party and dance and drink and have the time of our life. and at this point i’m really thinking about this as a date, because we’re both queer and she hugs me and holds my hand and we actually cuddle in front of the club. and then. it’s really late and we’re both kinda drunk and want to go home so she calls her ex (?) to pick us up. i agree as i’m pretty tired but i’m also so confused as i have no idea what’s going on here. anyways, the night ends and we have brunch tomorrow and talk about how we had a great night, but don’t mention anything else.

long story short, she gets back together with her girlfriend and kinda stops contacting me as frequently, but half a year later, i’m still hung up on a girl i literally spent 24 hours with. and sure, i’m interested in other girls, have other crushes i guess, but somehow my mind always comes back to her. the reason i’m writing this today is because i haven’t listend to taylor in a while, but ttpd came out and suddenly i hear her in every song and she still told cathy to ask me my favourite song as soon as it came out. and she still talks about wanting to visit me and god i want to just move on so bad. but i know i’m gonna text her as soon as another party comes up when we’re both free. and it’s just gonna be the same thing over again.

Hi! <3

damn, this is...this sounds so difficult.

Honestly? I think Lucy needs to make up her mind. It sounds like she's trying to have her cake and eat it too by being with her girlfriend and flirting with you, and either she doesn't know what she's doing (which isn't great, but it happens) or she's not thinking about anyone else's feelings (which is worse).

I know it is so easy to get hung up on someone like this- there's like...such a fun aspect of a romance like this where it's drawn-out and a bit forbidden and kind of dramatic. But the problem with something like this is it hardly ever ends well and you deserve someone who wants you wholly.

Of course, this is all easy for me to say, as I'm not the one to experience it. But I think if I were you, I would take this album release as an opportunity to think about what you deserve and how you can use the songs to process your feelings. Because the important thing is, you deserve more, and you're not getting it, whether it's on purpose or not.

<3 <3 <3 <3 Sending you all the love!

Also, naming you deserving anon in case you want to update/write back!

[valley-of-lies]

OKAY GUYS

I’ll be posting my fic now very quickly. It’s the only way of preventing me from deleting it right now and throwing away hours of work shakjasjjaa. ANYWAY: MINORS DNI, mature content, angst (at least I tried) and no happy ending (I’m sorry guys). Have fun reading tho and thank you for any support ily 🤟🏻🤧💜

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Just for tonight 

A massive headache tortured you as you walked into the kitchen late at night and turned on the light with tired hands. These days, everything was just too much for you. 

It’s not like you were sick in terms of having a cold, no. You were fucking sick of feeling down because you failed your relationship with Jake. You guys were a sweet couple for four years, but suddenly things went the wrong way somehow.

Well, you had to admit the fact that it wasn’t mainly his fault. But was it actually yours then? What was the reason for him breaking up with you?

Every visit started to end in an awful argument every time something was misunderstood (with insulting and yelling at each other, really bad to be honest), causing Jake to leave only a few minutes later after he arrived. 

Plus, you had to confess that you didn’t treat him right all the time. 

The preparation for your studies were your number one priority in the past time, therefore you didn’t look much after him during that period. Which was a huge mistake. 

Sigh. Maybe you really were the problem. 

Having opened the little fridge in your apartment for the hundredth time now just to slam it close with upwelling tears in you eyes, made you realise you were gonna be alone for the rest of your life. 

No one could replace Jake. He was your other half, the only person that understood the emotional side of yours. He was what people would call their soulmate.

Why was everything so complicated? You couldn’t come to a conclusion or even a solution. You were sure about the fact that you loved him. But did he still love you? 

The helplessness was eating you up from the inside and you gripped your aching head in frustration as you sat down on the wooden bench in the corner of your kitchen.

Jake would have told you to take painkillers at that point, the caring boyfriend he always was. But you reached a stage where you just let the pain distract you from your confused thoughts running through your mind. 

The image of Jake‘s beautiful face popped up in front of your inner eye. His soft brown eyes were comforting you almost every time you were sad and you wished nothing else than him being with you now. 

Suddenly the ringtone of your phone interrupted your thinking and you noticed that tears were running down your cheeks. 

Would you ever recover from that?

The feeling of emptiness overwhelmed you when you picked up the call, without looking who it was. “Hello?“

“Y/n. Please open the door.“ Jake‘s caring voice and his strong accent invaded your mind, which increased the pain in your chest.

Why did he call you? 

You knew it wasn’t the right time to say anything wrong, it was past midnight, cold and the fact that he reached out to you was just too precious. But of course your tired and stupid brain didn’t think before you spoke. 

“Why do you even want to see me? We’re over. You said it yourself.“

As expected Jake stayed calm.

“Stop arguing, y/n. If you don’t want me here then I’ll leave again.“

But of course you weren’t going to tell him that and he knew. 

With the phone on your ear, you feet slurped across the cold tiles and within seconds Jake stood across from you in your living room. 

His dyed hair fell into his forehead and he scratched his right foot across the floor. Was he nervous? And if yes, why?

It definitely wasn’t a good idea to clear up things in the middle of the night when your head was an empty void and too full at the same time anyway.

The urge to speak your mind came out of nowhere. 

“Please forgive me“, you begged and began to cry out loud. “I am sorry Jake. I was so occupied and overwhelmed with my life. And I still am. But please don’t leave me.“

The distance between you, emotionally and physically, broke your heart. It was sad it went this way and the missing reaction from Jake gave you chills. You were scared. 

Before you actually realised, Jake took two slow steps in your direction. But he stopped midways. 

“I already left you.“

“But you didn’t have to.“

Jake‘s face had the pain which he felt written on it. 

“How am I supposed to stay with you when you give me the feeling that you don’t give a damn about me? About us?“  

You couldn’t stop crying and you felt pathetic about it. 

“Jake, I never had the intention to-“

“You never have, y/n. But what you say and what you do is not the same anymore.“

Somehow your living room started to spin more and more and you had to grip the cupboard next to you. 

You didn’t expect much good to happen tonight and stood with your head hanging down hopelessly. But you glanced at him quickly and there was something sparkling in his eyes.

“Have you been better with me being gone?“

“Y/n…“ You were afraid of his response. But he didn’t say anything. Instead, he came towards you and took you in his arms.

Finally you felt the familiar warmth of your ex-boyfriend‘s body around you and your breathing calmed down while you relaxed immediately. 

Nothing mattered now. Just him hugging you tightly, even if it was just for now. 

As long as you were with him, everything was okay. 

“I miss you“, he admitted. “But I don’t know. Too much happened. I wasn’t in control of my feelings either and me always screaming at you was frightening for me. And you.“

As much as you wanted to tell him how this wasn’t important now, you just couldn’t. Not a single word was able to leave your mouth. 

You looked up at him with swollen eyes and a red face. You must look horrible now, but you had the feeling that Jake looked at you with an expression on his face that told you you were incredibly gorgeous. 

“Can you stay?“

Jake closed his eyes and he looked indecisive. But his craving for being with you  overtook his good sense, so he nodded slightly. 

Carefully, you reached out to him and came close to his face. His eyes were inspecting your lips with desire and he knew he had no other chance.

“I am sorry“, he whispered rather to himself before he pressed his lips onto yours. He could taste the sadness on them. Your little whine broke his heart and made him want you at the same time. 

The way you tasted his lips and gave in to him without any hesitation told him more than a thousand words. He knew that this was wrong. Oh boy, this was wrong on so many levels. But he wanted you. 

Your hands cupped his chin and your tongue traced the heart-shaped form of his lips while you felt his strong hands squeezed your hips in excitement. 

God, you missed this. 

The kiss got more demanding and he guided you to the sofa without breaking the connection between you, before he sat down and pulled you onto his lap. 

Jake‘s hands continued to caress your body as if he would check whether everything about you was still the way he had remembered or not. 

He moaned between the steamy kisses. “Did you miss me this much?“ 

“Missed you even more“, you mumbled before you tasted the skin of his chin, hitting his sweet spot. You knew everything about him so well that it scared him. 

“Please show me baby“, he demanded. “Show me how much you missed me.“

At this point you didn’t care about any emotional damage that would be caused if you continued with everything. It was too late to stop now.

Slowly you moved your hips against his crotch and sucked on his neck. 

“Not too hard babygirl, you’re gonna leave marks.”

You didn’t response, just looked at him with desire and crushed your lips on his again, grabbing his hair and tugging a bit on it too. The tension built up inside him and he felt himself getting hard slowly.

“Baby stop…”, he moaned and digged his strong fingers into the flesh of your hips. At first you were afraid he was going to leave, but instead he took your chin in his hand carefully, forcing you to look him in the eyes. 

“I want to be inside you y/n. Can I?” 

The concern in his eyes almost made you cry like a little child but you automatically clenched your walls. And you were sure he recognised. 

“Please do it Jake”, you begged. “I want you to rail me so bad. Show me how much I hurt you.” 

He breathed heavily, gripped your throat and pulled you to his face. Excitement built up in your stomach and you felt how aroused you both got. 

Jake’s slender fingers found its way into your pants and past your underwear. 

You gasped at the cold sensation and arched your back as soon as he ran his finger over your slit, caressing your pussy for the first time in weeks. 

“Jake, please”, you whined and gripped on his shoulders tightly.

“How wet you are baby. So excited for me to touch you, right?” 

He only got a moan from you, so his fingers stopped touching you. 

“I expect an answer.” 

“Yes I am. So excited to feel your hands on my pussy again.” You had no shame, the only worry you had was doing something the wrong way. 

Smirking at your words Jake laid his fingers on you again and went past your wet folds to caress your clit. This felt freaking good and you wanted more, but you knew being impatient would make everything worse. 

Suddenly, his index finger were shoved into you painfully slow and you clenched around his finger immediately while earning a deep moan from him. 

“I knew you’d still feel heavenly tight around me. And it’s only one of my fingers. Do you think you’ll be able to take my dick like you once did so well?”

You breathed out slowly. “Yes Jake. I will try.” 

He chuckled. “You’re so good to me. Are you ready for another?” 

You nodded and felt how his dick got harder with every minute that passed by, and you sitting on his lap while having his finger inside of you made you lose your mind. 

As announced he added his middle finger and you even had to adjust to that. You already felt stretched out and couldn’t wait till he would fuck you hard, like you deserved. 

“Bounce on my fingers. Work for what you want, slut.” 

You were surprised at how wet his degrading words made you feel, but you did as you were told, rocking your hips back and forth with his fingers buried deep inside of you. 

“Keep going love”, he told you with lust in his gaze. You laid your head on his shoulders in embarrassment while getting yourself off on his fingers. 

You already were a moaning mess when Jake placed his thumb right on your clit, so that the friction increased and you felt it brushing over it. 

You got closer to your climax with every movement, moaning his name again and again as if you were scared that he would vanish and leave you alone again every second.

All of a sudden Jake pulled his hand out of your panties and you looked at him which big eyes. 

“Aww. Did you seriously think I was letting you cum? You’re still the same”, Jake laughed and held his hand in front of your face. “Suck on my fingers.” 

You seriously would do anything he’d tell you. Taking in the picture of him with messy blonde hair and a serious frown on his face, you took his fingers in your mouth and hollowed your cheeks. 

“You’re so hot, fuck”, Jake cursed and split his legs a little more for you to feel his growing bulge through your clothed pussy. 

You backed off and looked him in his dark eyes. “I want you.”  

This sentence was more than just telling him  that you wanted his dick, but you didn’t say any more. The fear of ruining the mood and making him leave was too big. You decided to push away the bad thoughts and focus on his warm body beneath you. 

Jake pushed you from his lap gently and helped you lay on your back, having him hovering over you now. He looked at you intensively.

“This is so wrong.” 

“I don’t care Jake.” 

Again he kissed you passionately and during this moment you couldn’t believe that you were over. This was real, wasn’t it? 

Your clothes were removed one by one, you admired his toned chest and traced your fingers over his abs. 

Jake was like an addiction to you. Whatever was about to happen, you never wanted to live without having him. 

His strong hands stroked over your cheek with soft movements as you spread his legs for him slowly without any hesitation, so that he could position himself between your legs. 

“Y/n…” The concern in his voice told you he was going to say something you probably didn’t want to hear, so you just shook your head. “Just fuck me, please.” 

The switch the mood took from then was unable to describe. Jake’s eyes memorised the picture of you laying there naked with hungry eyes and he bit his lower lip. 

Your heart beat loudly in your chest and you breathed in and out while you tried not to moan every two seconds. Just then you felt his tip at your entrance- it was impossible for you to hold in the whimpers now, no matter how hard you tried to. 

Jake tilted his head to the side, his lips showing a fake pout. “I won’t go easy on you baby. You know what to say to make me stop.” 

You nodded breathlessly and just then, Jake thrusted into you, almost not giving you time to adjust to his cock properly, causing you to let out a cry and grip his arms. 

“You okay?”, he asked and looked at you with concern. 

“Ahh…yeah… just keep going please”, you uttered and arched your back to shove your hips against his, causing his dick to hit your cervix the best way possible. 

“Look at me filling your pussy up perfectly”, Jake praised and sucked on your naked tits as if he wanted to leave as many purple marks as he could. He was driving you wild.  „Aren’t I, y/n?“ 

You did your best to take a look at your lower belly, seeing how his cock glided in and out of you with deliciously wet sounds. How was he making you feel so good?

“Yes you are… the only one who can do that to me, who can make me feel this good.” 

Your praises towards your ex-boyfriend still made him thrust into you more eagerly,  pounding you so hard into the couch that it made you see stars. 

“Jake!” You threw your head back in pleasure, wanting to wrap your legs around his waist, but Jake stopped you to do so. 

Instead he placed your already tired legs upon his shoulders and held you by your ankles. 

And Jesus, he almost made you feel the bottom of the sofa. Balls deep buried inside of you, slamming his hips against yours and forcing you to take his long dick- the sensation was just too much and you wished that he would never stop fucking you this perfectly. 

Slowly, the knot was building up inside of your stomach and your walls hugged his length very tightly.

“I’ll cum any moment”, you whined with desperation and tugged his hair. 

“Then do it, baby, coat my dick with your juices”, Jake commanded and this gave you the rest. 

“Cum inside of me please!” You were begging to feel him filling you up, always giving you feels if he did so. 

Just when you came, he applied two fingers on your clit and supported you riding you trough the best high you had in weeks. Shit. How you missed all of him.

Your chest was moving heavily up and down and you tried to catch your breath somehow when Jake scrunched his face and breathed in deeply, releasing his seed into you just as you asked him to. 

With shaking legs and closed eyes, you tried to recover.

The silence between the two of you was only disturbed by the heavy breathing. As soon as you came down from your high, reality hit you like a train. 

Fuck.

You just realised that this was probably the worst decision you could’ve ever made. The love of your life didn’t want to be with you. At that thought your heart felt heavy and an awkward numbness was building up in your chest. 

Jake took himself out of you and gripped his t-shirt next to him without a word to clean you up a bit. After that, he started to put on his clothes, leaving you hopelessly on the sofa. Embarrassed to stay like that, you took a woolly blanket and wrapped it around you. 

“I am sorry, Jake. I know you don’t want to hear anything about it anymore, but I promise to you I am really sorry.” 

Jake turned around and was facing you now. Unfortunately you couldn’t read his emotions. 

“No. I was fucking selfish right now. Shit!” 

He made a furious gesture with his arm and touched his temples in frustration. 

Not sure if you should get up and approach him, you stayed in place. 

His statement made clear that he didn’t want to create false hopes inside of you. Your heart broke into pieces, you literally felt the sharp pain bruise you on the inside. 

“No, it’s okay Jake”, you lied but your voice began to shake uncontrollably. “It’s not your fault.” 

He didn’t want to hear such words from you. “I know you good enough to know what I just did to you.” 

“This was good.” If there was any possibility to name a newborn Pinocchio, then you would be mentioned in the first place. 

“Don’t lie to me to make me feel any better”, Jake sighed and covered his eyes with his right  hand. 

Finally you had the courage to stand up and walk a few steps towards him, not sure how close you were allowed to come. 

“Jake…”

“No y/n, stop-“

“Quit telling me what I have to do!” He wasn’t expecting you interrupting him, so you used his silence to speak. 

“Why did you come here if you don’t love me anymore? In the middle of the night?”

“Fuck, I don’t know okay?” If you only knew that he lied… 

You left him without a reaction. Too big was the disappointment in your chest, but deep inside of you you knew that this would happen. 

“As much as you want me to stay, I can’t do that. And I promise I won’t ever show up again after I leave this house tonight.” 

You began to cry bitterly and felt alone. And dumb. How could you survive after tonight? Honestly you felt just like a few weeks ago.  

Standing there numb, not really noticing him collecting his things and getting ready to leave you again- this felt too familiar. 

“I am sorry.” 

His voice only reached your ear dulled and he left you quickly. If he didn’t, he would have given in and would have stayed with you. But he couldn’t, too much happened between you two.  

And on his way home Jake asked himself why he had to go and make things so complicated. He wish you’d know he loved you.

What mattered now? Now that he was gone? Nothing, you thought to yourself and sat down on the floor, right where you just stood and tried to make things right.

The damage was done. The love of your life didn’t want to be with you and left you with a shattered heart. 

While you were thinking about it, you curled up into a ball in the cold floor and stared into the low lighted living room. 

But at least the forever you had imagined to experience with him existed, even if it had been just for tonight. 

————————————————————

A/N: sorry this got so bad idk what I was thinking 💭

tagging the lovely @heeseongism 💜✨

[roseofhybrids]

With episode 6 on the horizon, thought I'd jot down some random Murder Drones thoughts I've had over the last few months. Mostly just get them out of my head by chucking them into the void.

So back in episode 3 Doll gets shot and survives with no long term damage that we can see. Just telekinesises the bullet out and her visor heals. Yeva also got shot in head by V, but Yeva was very much NOT fine after. So what happened for the solver to keep Doll alive after getting shot but not her mom? Current theories: 1. The solver was weaker in the older drones in some way. 2. At some point, the solver was turned off. 3. The solver isn't duplicated when passed down, but rather gets removed from the parent

Also, from episode 3. The missing drone posters show the murdered prom queen candidates and lists their ages. Of the 5 girls, 1 is 18, 2 are 19, and 2 are 20. Now, sometimes a school will have one prom instead of separate Junior and Senior proms, which can explain the 3-year age range. But also implies that the drones graduate at 20 instead of 18. Current theories: 1. These drones got held back 1-2 years for whatever reason. 2. Drones starts school later, or are in school longer than humans typically are. 3(mostly an addition to 2). College level schooling is compulsory for drones and the prom includes college level students.

With Khan calling Uzi's banishment a self grounding and Thad saying he didn't think the colony was serious about the "whole banishment thing." My first assumption was that the colony doesn't actually banish people, but that Uzi just kind of assumed that's what they'd do and so tried to beat them to it. This is a head canon I hold on to purely for its comedic value.

Uzi listens to an MCR ripoff/parody band. Now, the human MCR's initial run went from 2001-2013 and the show takes place 3071 or 1060 years after the 2010's. To put this in perspective, this is the same amount of time between the 2010's and 950's, smack dab in the Middle Ages. All of this to say, that time wise, Uzi listens to the future equivalent of bardcore

We see J refer to Tessa as boss and her parents as corporate in episode 5, which makes me wonder. In the pilot when she says that corporate wouldn't let her kill N (without a good reason) is she referring to JCJenson or to Tessa?

Speaking of J, while N and V now have Uzi as their admin, J should still have CYN as hers. A fact that I'm sure won't come back to bite them later

Depending on how you look at it, N, V, and assumedly J, have, in a way, died and come back twice now (thrice for J after getting blowup with the rail gun). The first time after the failed deactivation when they came back as zombie drones. The second time, when CYN decapitated them in the basement and presumably turned them into disassembly drones. It's hard to say how much of episode 5 is literal, since Uzi and CYN are both messing with stuff. But N's severed head does have the fatal error message, which implies the drones kinda died before being turned into robot vampires. Which is pretty in line for both zombies and vampires, so.

So we've seen CYN make holograms, mimic voices, and create the parts used to construct disassembly drones. We've also seen J get revived in a form identical to how she was before Uzi shot her. And CYN claimed to have back-ups of N when Tessa was worried about him being destroyed. That could just be referring to her resetting his memories inside of the "dream", but in the real world, she did have access to said memories and the ability to edit/delete them. Now, I'm not saying CYN's gonna make some evil clones, I'm just saying she may have the means to do so and has already proved she can and will mimic loved ones to trick people.

We know Uzi pirates anime, and possible some other Earth/human media? But how much can we say the drones (especially the younger ones) really know about Earth? Do the older drones bother teaching them about it in school? Maybe some of the main stuff, but there are a lot of small things that wouldn't mean much to a robot on a different planet. As such, I'd like to believe a lot Uzi's assumptions about what Earth is like are based on cartoons and anime.

[farsidejr]

ok so i gave a big long huge ramble about my GaSa4 HC turned AU over on Twitter so i'm gonna put it here because yeah gaming !!! i DO have a Player design which i never drew, and they aren't super present in the AU, but if people wanna see em maybe i'll draw em! lore basics and ART below the cut-off!!! mostly copy/pasted from my Twitter ! i'll post the art separately after for anyone who just wants to reblog specific images, without my long ass ramblings and such lmao. PLEASE ASK ME QUESTIONS THERES SO MUCH LORE FOR THIS WARNING: this AU is based around the GaSa4 bad ending!

this AU started when i realized that Kyu said she would move any extra data from Cashier somewhere else. not delete it, just, move it. ok, so what if that "extra" stuff was his name, model, dialogue, voice sound, personality, etc? what if the stuff that got moved was thrown out of the experience, and is STILL THERE? all of the memories not needed to run GaSa4, like the day shift, meeting Dummy, all still out there, and what if it congealed into THIS GUY

C4SHi3R isn't very stable physically, and gets randomly thrown into Roblox experiences and then zapped back out with no way to choose where he goes or when. he eventually picked up some weapons for self defense in games with zombies and stuff. he doesn't have any memories that would be still needed for GaSa4. he knows he MET people (cough Dummy n Player cough), but doesn't know what they look like, their names, their voices, etc. gets deja vu a lot when seeing someone who looks like them or hearing their names, but tries not to think too hard about it. meanwhile back at GaSa4, Dummy (called Dxmmy for the AU) is stuck there practically alone. the game is stuck constantly looping night time to preserve data space, so FF stays asleep. she thought Cashier died, and spent a lot of time blaming himself for that.

the game is stuck constantly looping night time to preserve data space, so FF stays asleep. Dxmmy thought Cashier died, and spent a lot of time blaming himself for that. they hate purple now, reminds them too much of the corrupt landscape, but besides that it loves bright colours. it's a lot nicer than the dull darkness in the void, which was mostly browns blacks and greys besides their TV. since C4SHi3R can randomly pop up in any game, that includes back at GaSa4 months later, but his added data only let him stay long enough to do that "literally with you" thing and get out, bringing Dxmmy with him, who now wears the most eyeburning outfits it can find in dress up games. there's a big something unaccounted for though. if C4SHi3R is everything that got removed from GaSa4 to make room, what about what was left behind? what's holding the GaSa4 data now? well, C4SHi3R did encounter someone else while he was briefly back at GaSa4. he met the thing that shoved him out to protect the game from being corrupt all over again, and it was kinda a little bit sorta terrifying for him AND Dxmmy

it's cool though just looks scary and couldn't hold a physical form let alone dialogue text for very long without getting a MASSIVE headache, so it had to be quick with its message. after Dxmmy left, though, that gave it enough room to KINDA ALMOST hold the data for a physical body

NullString's body has a lot of unfilled variables, so unless it's focusing, its limbs will change count at random, along with its height, age, and just... honestly everything. it does its best to keep it all within a manageable range, at least. it had to grieve Dxmmy leaving, and the fact that it could only give itself a reliable less-terrifying mode of communication after it didn't really need that anymore is a massive point of frustration. there are a lot more details to this all, a lot of it tied in with my kissmate's AUs and lore! feel free to ask questions, i love talking about these guys !!!

[theawkwardadult50]

!!!

https://www.tumblr.com/391780/753594607213871104/hey-uh-feel-free-to-delete-if-this-is-out-of?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/blackoutspoetry/753599396711743488/i-am-also-a-former-supporter-but-i-took-time-off?source=share

Hey there, thank you for sending this, I genuinely appreciate it. Uncertain as to how you found my account but I can infer how, I suppose.

All I can really say is that this has really fractured the fandom. A lot of amazing creators have been forced to leave the fandom due to this due to feeling unsafe. Which shouldn’t even happen in the first place.

Initially I was taking things at face value but later on became more skeptical towards it all. It was too much of a perfect storm. And now this has emerged, but too much damage has already been inflicted on the fandom. Harassment to all involved has been undue. If in any way I have contributed to this via my likes, then I deeply apologise. I've only ever reblogged one post relevant to the situation as it - if I recall from the time I was reading it - had more of a balanced take based on my interpretation. (Edit: I don't want to toss out certainties or my perspective at the moment since this is in a way, still a developing situation.)

Furthermore, in case anyone is looking at my void of a blog: i’m gonna turn off anon asks since fandom really only is a small portion of my life and I wish to remain a spectator and not an active participant (though that is debatable given how much i like content related to COD). However, if anyone does want to reach out to me to let me know if I've in some way, shape or form contributed to the harassment of any involved, please do let me know via my messages, which I'll leave open (if I don't then I apologise, it's been a while since I've used Tumblr beyond its basic functions, so it'll take me some tinkering with).

I’ve enjoyed my time with fandom in general but not any longer in the past few years. Not that I’ve directly involved myself with the COD fandom, or provided input. Not out of bad experiences, mind you - just merely out of dwindling interest as I've begun to focus on my own personal works.

But it still deserves to be treated with the gravity it does. For all those involved: no matter your decision or the outcome, I hope that you’re looking after your mental health and taking care. If you have a support network or just someone in your life you want to talk to, please do so. This situation has been taxing on all and has led to many stunning creators leaving out of fear, harassment and a lack of (rightfully so) faith in the fandom. I've no doubt that a lot of people just need to talk to someone or do something else meaningful to them to recuperate from all of this.

I don’t know if it’ll mean much, but please, just for anyone, if you ever feel like you need to talk to someone or have suicidal thoughts/intent/plans, please refer to Find a Helpline.

Find A Helpline is a useful search engine for crisis helpline and mental health support helplines: https://findahelpline.com/. I’ve tried it with a few countries and they corroborate with actual helplines.

Keep in mind that these numbers are NOT SOLELY for crisis prevention. These numbers also include services for anyone who just wants to talk, is seeking support for specific health conditions/circumstances, gender identity, disabilities, being a carer, substance use, etc. The ones for the countries I am familiar with are correct and verified.

Thank you Anon once more for sending me these links, I truly appreciate it. I've let it be a reminder to let mind trump heart in situations like this. Do let me know if you would like to discuss further in Tumblr DMs, I'm completely open to this.

And just in general - if anyone needs a chat, do feel free to reach out via DMs.

I wish you all well and take care.

[unearthlydream]

im sad and can't focus on work so instead time to scream into the fucking void so it at least looks like i'm trying to write this story thats due at the end of the day.

i keep finding myself thinking "i wish things were normal" and wishing i could go back to pre-Oct 31 and how things were before all of these things happened. but i don't think there is a noraml to get back to and i think that this is just what my life is now. and idk how to cope with that tbh lol ijust wanna jump off a building

i want to be able to see my friends and talk to people and work on craft projects but instead all i do is sit at home in silence after work dissociating into a game or a tv show because i don't have the energy. i can't lie and mask my way through life anymore and i feel uncomfortable w the fact that i can't have a conversation with anyone without them inevitably asking how i am or what i've been up to. how can i even engage with people when i have nothing positive to share and most of the convos just end up with "i'm so sorry, let me know if you need anything"??

my mom has been on and off dying (thankfully off for good now i think? long recovery process) since december. i've cared for my grandpa from oct 31-dec only for him to now be on palliative care. my family is being so normal and cool about it and i'm the youngest one and being forced to deal with all of their issues because my aunt and uncle can't be not self centered for once in their lives-- and obv my mom is dying and my grandma is grieving and helping w my mom so like who else is gonna take care of things and manage people's emotions and be a shoulder to cry on?

so i'm actually doing horribly and don't have the capacity to make up lies anymore. and what have i been up to? spending tons of time in hospitals and then getting various illnesses because people can't seem to mask up in a fucking hospital of all places!!! i don't have the energy to lie anymore bc i'm funneling everything i have into just waking up in the morning and doing thebare minimum to make sure i do'nt die and my household is clean enough that it's not a danger to my cat.

and even when my friends and partnersask like 'how can i support you' -- idfk put a bullet in my brain??? like no one can do anything to help me. i'm alone andhave always been alone and will always be alone and forced to be the mommy in every situation and i'm so tired. i just don't want tot hink. but then when i say 'it stresses me out that you're waiting on me to make the plans for groceries or doing laundry and i just need you to get it done,' i hurt peoples feelings and i'm being too rough.

i'm just so tired. i'm so fucking tired and i wish my brain didn't go from zero to "just kill yourself" so quickly. i wish i knew what i needed and how tomake it better. i feel like my stupid ass needs to be committed. i'm worried about self harming again as i already relapsed late last year amidst all of this. i'm worried one day i'll be so lcose to the end of my rope that i'll act on one of my impulsive thoughts and make things worse for myself.

i don't wanna worry anymore but i think that's just what's in the cards for me. which is like... doubly scary bc of the genetic lottery i've already won (mom had a stroke in her 40s and now is dealing with all of this which like.... most of it is caused by stress and not taking care of herslef and i'm falling down that same rabbit hole without my consent which is so cool and funky fresh).

and the worst part... i don't even think things would be easier if i died. the guilt of knowing what i'm leaving behind won't even let it in the realm of possibility.

this is so long. i might delete this later. but like holy fuck. a bitch needs a fuckin break. a bitch needs a resource officer or somethnig like hold fuck.

[coffee-bat]

i cant do this i cant do this i cant do this

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

Rinch prompt with some connected words - hugging, a bad memory, shared sympathy, reassurance

Thanks for the prompt 💖 I hope you like it :) I wanted to write more but my brain said n o

They both know the date. None of them mentions it. John tries not to be overbearing, but Harold can tell he’s attentive to any change in his mood, his touch lingers, his voice is softer. It's just one day, and even if his mind decides to harass him, he can get through it. He manages to keep himself busy all morning. It gets harder in the afternoon. Maybe if he can write one more line of code, if he stares at the screen one more minute, his mind will stop replaying memories over and over, and this day will go back to normal. It doesn’t work. This day is never normal. His defenses against his own thoughts are cracking, and he hates it, or himself, he’s not sure. He closes his laptop more brusquely than he intends. He gets up to find a book in an attempt to distract himself. John doesn’t say anything, but Harold knows he can’t avoid a conversation forever. The last few years have been easier because they were busy with numbers. With nothing else to focus on, his control is slipping away.

After several minutes of trying not to think about it and in result doing so even more, John sits down carefully next to him, as if he’s approaching a hurt, scared, wild animal. Harold fears revealing his inner turmoil, but he longs for comfort.

“Please talk to me.”

Harold closes his book and puts it down on the table.

“You’re… aware of what this day means to me,” He begins.

John doesn’t reply, it's a not a question, merely a way to adress the situation. Harold clings to what’s left of his control – John puts his hand on his thigh, and it crumbles.

“I can’t get it out of my head. I see Nathan, and the next thing I know I'm lying on the ground,” he continues.

John moves his hand away from his thigh. Harold doesn’t have time to miss the contact because John puts his arms around his shoulders. Harold turns to him rests his head on his chest and lets John embrace him. It’s easier to talk with John’s arms around him.

“And I don’t really remember the pain itself, but I remember it was overwhelming, I could barely move or think. I wondered if I had a open fracture, if that was why I was in so much pain, if I was going to bleed out right there. I think about it less than I used to, but it's not gone, never will be. It’ll always come back to me.”

“And I’ll always be here. You’re safe now.”

Harold knows this, but his mind is in overdrive, now going over his time in the hospital. The days spent lying in bed, going back there as soon as he closed his eyes. Realizing his body would never be the same. Learning how to use a wheelchair, how to live with pain, relearning how to walk.

“Harold ? Please stay with me.”

Harold realizes he’s trembling.

“I’m sorry. I can’t clear my mind.”

John rubs his back in a slow, soothing motion.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I want you to breathe, alright ? Just listen to me and breathe. Can you do that for me ?”

Harold nods. His restlessness gradually disappears, leaving him exhausted. He focuses on John telling him to breathe in and out, on his warmth and the steady rise and fall of his chest, synchronized with his own breathing. John makes his past less threatening. He is safety, home, his present and his future.

[visibleclosedeyes]

Angle 1

(accidentally deleted it prematurely...)

type: Multi chapters

pairing: sevika x OC

The lodgings

It was going to happen. Sevika was certain of it. She could understand Vander and what he was trying to achieve but also–being sane enough–Sevika realized this will never work with the enforcers. The woman has known defeats, pain, and loss, just like everyone else in the lanes. On that day that the news of the enforcers' threats spread all over Zaun, she gathered just like many others at The Last Drop. They wanted those fucking brats of his, Vander needs to do something about that and the only two options were surrender or conflict. Oh, Sevika was fucking ready on that day to fight for Zaun, to fight off those who ripped everything from her not even a decade ago.

But then Vander talked to all of them, and the air quickly was poisoned by the bitterness that also plagued a lot of people in that bar. Some guy said the truth straight to his face, something along the line of ‘you can’t protect them forever,’.  He covered their asses too much and now it came right back to bite everybody's asses off, but respect was given; Sevika could get the idea of protecting your family. If he was gonna fight, then Sevika was in. But that wasn’t what happened. He ordered them to stand still and do nothing while the enforcers were gonna roll them all over. Fucking what now? Oh, she remembered how it went down. ‘Do I look scared? ‘No, you look weak,’ Even with her left arm gone, she was still gonna choose this part all over again. Because she was right, Vander was weak. Sooner or later, he would get them all killed.

“ Fuck !” Sevika screams into the dark void of her own room. Silco doesn’t ask for her yet; looks at how incapable she is now. She took the blow for him, obviously, it was a stupid decision but not without a reason. Silco, unlike Vander, has what it takes to actually do something for Zaun. Her room is dimly lit—makes the arsenic deep green, and the wallpaper looks even more depressing than it already is. The couch she’s laying on is barely acting as a comfort, its cushion was non-existing while the nails below it threaten to come out and sink into her flesh anytime.

This place isn’t near The Last Drop. It is a cheap, run-down lodging almost near the edge of Zaun—the opposite of this building is the dock overlooking the darkness of the undercity's lowest street. The street outside of her window, at night,  was often cloaked with dust clouds (or mist, but this is Zaun so it’s probably dust cloud) away from the main part of the city. It’s just your typical small district that has a sizable group of people sometimes but mostly left quite deserted. In the dead of the night, however, there might be a shady man or woman waiting for someone to hand over their shady packages. Sometimes she would hear laughter, sometimes cries, and many times beatings. Well, not that she knows when exactly it is day or night anyway.

That window is placed at the opposite of where she’s at. The only way to let Sevika connect with the outside world. This square room of depression isn’t so unbearable as the warmth of sunshine and the soft ray of moonlight always peer through the shoddy window. Not everything is bad, huh?

“ Ugh,” but the consistent massive pain from having her arm literally burnt to bits. Sevika isn’t dying anytime soon but the overwhelming agony makes her wish she did. At least Silco doesn’t toss her away after all she did for him, while she is stuck here in recovery; he sends her money and on rare occasions comes to visit. Well, that’s fucking good and all that but missing arm won’t be solved by just money. She’s desperate for something tangible. And maybe the angel is real and her wish has been granted because suddenly the door next to her crack open. A woman, not older than the mid or early 20s, with a tight tee and jeans just like anybody else in Zaun walks right into the room. She looks completely average but Sevika spots a heavy bag she has in her hand.

“You are Miss Sevika?”

“Yeah? Who the fuck are you?”

“Your boss hired me to take care of you,”

“What? You’re some kind of nurse? That’s new, a nurse in Zaun?” it came out of Sevika’s mouth more sarcastic than she actually meant it. Sevika has genuinely never seen any real doctors let alone nurses in this place.

Sevika must have looked miserable that instead of answering her question she went straight to sitting down beside her and took a look at the fresh wound that was wrapped by a soaked bright red bandage.

“This… is far worse than what he told me,”

“Are you telling me you just noticed I have no left arm when you came in?” Sevika retorts back, her brows tie into a knot and her voice is harsh with an edge of bitterness. The woman looks at her in the eyes, she bites her lower lips as if she wants to say something. Sevika is unsure if that’s a pity or annoyance in her eyes but it’s the first time she has gazed into her eyes. She seems to have decided against it and resumed her examination.

“How long has this been on?” the new nurse asks Sevika. The taller woman leans her head back against the green wall, she snorts and tries to light a fire to the cigarette she holds in her mouth

“2 to 3 days?”

“You smoke? I would advise against it for the time being,”

“Huh? Why? Everybody smokes? Also, I lost a fucking arm? There’s a bigger problem to worry about, no?” Sevika challenges her nurse who is cracking her bag of medical tools open, there are so many things that Sevika cannot recognize right away. Out of almost 30 years of her life, she never received any medical care as close as this. And suddenly worries how much this would cost her, how much did Silco pay this girl? She hisses sharply as the old bandage is being peeled off from the wound.

“So, did you and your boss come up with the solution?” the small woman asks Sevika without tearing her sight from the work in front of her. Sevika doesn’t look either, the thought of seeing her own severed shoulder made her wanna gag.

“Prosthetics,” the older woman assumed it was still about her injury.

“Decorative one or mechanical?”

“Don’t be fucking stupid, princess. Why would I need a useless one?” Sevika grins at herself for finding a slip-up to bite back at the nurse. The cold gazes rest upon her now as the nurse next to her stops what she is doing for a moment. Sevika expects some reactions but she gives her none.

“The mechanical one will be expensive…”

“And? Stays on your lane, don’t say anything that you know nothing of,”

“Just curious. No offense, but your boss is the one paying me. You can’t even pay for a nurse, I doubt you will make enough for a prosthetics” that simply sends Sevika off, she could feel sharp frustrating, and humiliating feelings. Oh, she wouldn’t know, that statement the woman just utters cut deep in Sevika’s psyche. Her blood runs cold in anger, she gets her situation very well. Poverty, who wouldn’t know that they themselves are poor? It’s a fact and Sevika isn’t delusional but having a fucking stranger pointing that output a sour and bitter taste in her mouth. Sevika waits until the bandage changing is complete then stands abruptly turning to face the shorter woman beside her who is also rising up. And she’s fucking hates that expression. It’s the doubt, washing all over the nurse’s face. Sevika hates doubt, especially when it’s against her. Reminds her of her old man. Brown hair woman pushes away the thoughts of her father to the corner of her mind as fast as possible before the guilt, regret, and resentment could manifest.

“What’s wrong?” the woman inquires quietly now, unsure if she did anything wrong.

“You’re finished. The door’s right there, where you came from. Go collect payment or whatever from him,”

“About that…” she says rather sheepishly. Her voice squeezes through the narrow gap between her teeth. Another new kind of expression. Sevika says nothing back and so the woman continues. “He already paid in advance for the rest of the year,” Sevika blinks at that statement trying to understand why the fuck is that her problem and why should she care.

“Good? Then get the fuck out then,”

“Oh, he didn’t tell you before?”

“What?” alarm is sounding in Sevika’s head

“He hired me to take care of you until you are at your normal capability which means I’m going to be living with you until then,”

“What the fuck?”

[disorganizedkitten]

Every now and then I look back at this blog and the entire Miraculous Focus on it and I feel bad because I've stepped back except for Felinette and Maribat, pretty much, and there's stuff that hasn't been finished yet, but I always tell myself it will be because I am pedantic and barely ever delete things.

Anyway. Today is not the Rewind And Finish All Projects Miraculous day, although that day will probably be pretty Miraculous in and of itself 😉👉👉

Anyway, no this is me publicly claiming my twin/wbwl aus because they bring me joy and I wanna shout into the void for all who echo.

Titles and summaries under the cut-

Are these gonna be in chronological order? Only until Connor appears. If you don't know, Connor features in almost every branch of this chart and those bounce around.

Cobra Lily- Inspired by The Farland Files and a fic that's since been deleted and was also based off Farland Files; What if, instead of fighting against each other and the system, the abandoned children teamed up?

 Eden's is not the only place Iris has ever known. But it is the one she knows the most.

 Fished out of a building after a small town massacre and shipped across the country for long-term placement three days later, Iris has no ties to her dead-or-worse birth family.

 Instead, Iris has Eden. Among the children, the name is an inside joke.

 Jacinta Peréz, Florine Dupont, Clemencia Doe, Kamal Doe, Aletris Carson, and Hana Griffith call it their Garden of Eden.

 The Garden is a good enough family anyway.

Hydrangea- Cobra Lily but I looked at it and myself and said why is the vibe so different genderbent, can I do this with a male Harry? The answer is yes.

Cobra Lily but instead of Iris Doe, future Dark Lady and friend of Charlie Potter, we have Hawthorn Doe, living dark artifact and secret metamorphmagus.

(Not) Our Parents (' Children)- I have so many explanations for this so maybe check the NOPC tag when you're done but for now 'WBWL au sautéed in found family and drizzled with chaos'

This is a story you know. In a sense.

 Let’s try this, shall we? Once upon a time, there was a little boy destined to save the world- oh goodness I sound dramatic. Nevermind. You know that part. You know about the child soldiers and split souls.

 So what about what you don’t already know? You don’t know of two little boys who decide to save the other instead. You don’t know the secret to immortality. And you may not know, however cliché it sounds, just how useful love can be.

 They say the pen is mightier than the sword, and a wand can be both and neither. So let’s say love is stronger than hate - because it can be, of course. Let’s say… you can choose people you’ve already been given. Let’s say the only ties that matter are those you give power to- let’s say the only way anything has power is if you give it that power.

 Now let’s say there are children. There are children in the 1500s and there are children in the 100s and there are children in the 1900s. There are children raised in war who wish for peace.

 None of them have succeeded. Adversely, many of them have.

 [Cathy, get to the point.]

 [Timothy, get out of my office!]

 [It’s our lunch break, Catherine. I was told to ensure you ate.]

 [Thank you, Sally. Let me finish first, right?]

 [Sure, but we’re watching.]

 [Timothy, I’m recording, shut up.]

 Let’s say that once upon a time a war was fought, and maybe it’s been won. Maybe it hasn’t been. But there are people living in its wake.

 Black clawed his way out of a cave and won. Riddle threw three killing curses and left that many survivors. Potter cheated Death. Nott watched values degrade and mourned it. Peverell kissed her daughter goodbye. Lestrange laughed as she went to prison. Granger prayed to never see war. Warren died screaming. Zabini betrayed his beloved. Norman choked on smoke and ash. Weasley looked over a battlefield and saw the living overlay the dead.

 Because this is what Weasley saw, darling readers. Their children? They do better.

Mathverse/It's Only Right As A Math Problem- Okay from NOPC onwards we are in Connor Potter territory and I love him. This is a conglomeration of deleted scenes turned into a new universe from NOPC

Wherein Harry is traumatized but pretending he's not, Connor definitely does not have possession problems, and Bryony has decided that becoming a Dark Lady is a wonderful career choice.

 Once upon a time, children chose kindness, but war chose children.

 Or-

 The adventures of a horcrux and his necromancer, set to the background of proper wbwl tropes.

A Conspiracy of Errors- I was thinking of Hydrangea meeting NOPC and Sorrel and Hawthorne insisting very stubbornly that Harry Potter is dead. I wanted to try smth.

 On October 31st, 1981, The Dark Lord Voldemort broke into the Potter’s home and killed James and Henry Potter. Lily and Connor Potter survived, if barely.

 Two months later, Lily Potter remarries Jacob Black and adopts his son, Hadrian.

 Nine years later, the half-brothers reach Hogwarts. For years things haven’t quite added up, but it’s been negligible because that’s just what home is like. Their parents are trying to shelter them from something or other.

 Of course, once they see how history views their family, every dodged question and untrue answer is suddenly cast in a much more sinister light. Connor and Harry are going to get to the bottom of this, even if it breaks them.

 Meanwhile, Lily and James Potter fret over their children’s sparse letters and choppy attitudes.

Incubus- Horcrux thoughts go brr

The Students of Hogwarts will tell you that the Potter twins are needlessly affectionate.

 They're wrong.

The Boys Who LiVeD- I don't remember :v:

 Lily Potter is going to raise her children. That’s non negotiable. War won’t stop her, a dark lord won’t, and death will try.

I have a couple others but they're all really lose, like two sentence things. /shrug

[ktrsss1fics]

Cake By The Ocean: Nine

“But Keith--”

Niall’s ears perked up as he heard the voice of a person whom he had regretted meeting. Standing in the doorway of the kitchen, with fear in her eyes, was an American woman who had no business being in Mykonos. She was clutching her cell phone against her chest while a very angry-looking man from Essex faced her. Something serious had happened but he didn’t know what it was. He turned to ask his girlfriend about what was going on but she wasn’t there -- she was making her way towards the door.

“Delete the fucking video or you’ll wish you never met me.” Keith Miller said clutching his fist.

The Irishman took a deep breath. Those were fighting words and Georgina wasn’t one to let her friends fight alone. The last thing Niall needed was for his girlfriend to get arrested. He promised her mother he wouldn’t let it happen. Without hesitation, he followed in Georgina’s footsteps. When he got to the door, she had wedged herself between Keith and Mar.

“I was just taking a video of the floor tiles,” Mar said with a nervous laugh.

“Yeah, yeah and me gran’s the Queen,” Keith said. “Delete it.”

“You know, you are being really rude right now. You invited me here and I’m totally feeling attacked. I didn’t even do anything wrong.”

“You little cun--” Keith started to say but stopped as he felt someone touch him. He looked down to find Georgina standing in front of him. The concerned look on her face made his heart hurt.

“Calm down,” Georgina said softly.

“Ferg, I-I-I--” Keith groaned, incapable of forming a proper sentence.

“She’s not worth it. Whatever it is that you saw -- just let it go.” Georgina said.

Niall watched as Keith closed his eyes. He could tell his friend was struggling with something. He had a few ideas of what it could be about.

“Ferg,” Niall said, trying to catch his girlfriend’s attention but she didn’t budge.

Keith took a deep breath before opening his eyes.

“Georgina, I’m going to respectfully ask ya to move, babes.” He said as he focused on Mar.

Georgina tried to catch his eyes but Keith’s gaze didn’t waver. She stepped away slowly. Niall reached out and pulled her towards him.

“I’m gonna ask again nicely. Marlene, delete the video.” Keith said.

Mar let out a frustrated sigh, “Keith. I don’t---”

“That’s fucking bullshit. I saw you take it.” Keith stepped closer to her. “Delete it.”

“Who cares if I took it? It’s not like they are gonna last.” Mar rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t deserve someone like her. He could do so much better.”

As soon as the words left her lips, Mar regretted them. Within an instant, a very serious woman from the midlands of England was staring her down. She didn’t need to say anything. Her face said it all. Both men froze not knowing what was going to happen next.

“Girl, you—you—you know I—“ Marlene stuttered.

“Oi Miller, you think Glenn would like to know what her employee does during business hours?” Georgina said void of emotion.

“I mean she might be interested in knowing about the suspicious shopping charges on the company card and all the sex taking place in the conference room on company time,” Keith stated. “Wouldn’t she?”

The American woman’s eyes went wide. “You know Glenn?”

“I know everyone,” Keith said.

Georgina looked the woman up and down, “And I know everything.”

“You don’t scare me,” Marlene replied.

“I can make sure you never work in Los Angeles again,” Keith said, crossing his arms over his chest. “And she works for one of the biggest law firms in the city so you are definitely barking up the wrong tree there babes.”

Marlene’s eyes went wide as realization hit. These two weren’t messing around.

“You-you-you guys know I wouldn’t actually do anything, right?” The American said with a nervous laugh. “I was just messing around.”

She pulled out her phone so Keith could see it and deleted the video completely off of her phone.

“We have no time for those false statements especially when it’s just for clout, Miriam,” Georgina said.

Niall did his best to stifle a laugh but he was unsuccessful. Keith grinned before stepping away from the two women. He tugged on Georgina’s hand and she followed in suit.

“It’s Mar--” Mar started to say, causing Georgina to roll her eyes.

“Leave it.” Niall and Keith said in unison.

But Georgina couldn’t. She turned around and took two steps towards the American.

“You know you ruined a really great chance, right?” Georgina said.

Mar looked confused, “How so?”

Georgina pointed back at Keith, “That man right there is a motherfuckin’ catch. Next time you try to take advantage of Keith Miller, think again.”

“I-I-I--” Mar stammered.

“Ferg,” Keith said, slightly embarrassed.

“No, fuck that. You know what you did. You don’t even deserve to be in the same room as him.”

“Ferg…” Niall called out.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Georgina mumbled as she turned around and walked away.

The young woman walked past her friends and didn’t stop until she got to the foyer. She started to pace as the boys followed after her.

“Do you need to go take a lap?” Niall asked jokingly.

“No.” Georgina scoffed. “I can calm down. I’m just worked up.”

Keith sighed, “I’m sorry. I should’ve known better.”

Niall wrapped an arm around Keith’s shoulder. “At least you caught it.”

“And took care of it,” Georgina added.

“Did you mean what you said?” Keith asked, rubbing Niall’s back.

“Who me?” Georgina asked looking up at the boys.

“Of course he’s talkin' to ya.” Niall laughed.

She smiled. “You might be an idiot but you’re our idiot and no one is allowed to fuck with you.”

“Nialler, she’s a keeper,” Keith said with a wink.

“Don’t I know it.” Niall laughed, making Georgina blush.

Keith looked between his friends, “You lot want a drink? I think we’ve earned one more.”

“Sounds great.” Georgina chirped as the boy from Essex headed back to the kitchen.

Niall walked over to his girlfriend and took her hands into his. “You good?”

“Fan-fucking-tastic.” Georgina joked.

Niall squeezed her hands before letting out a sigh.

“Babe, I’m good. I promise.” Georgina said, nudging him. “We’re good.”

He nodded. “We’re good.”

“Actually, we’re more than good.” She said, placing a quick kiss on his nose. “We’re great.”

“Okay, Tony.” Niall blushed.

“Don’t be going all shy on me, Horan.” She teased making his cheeks grow rosier.

“Me? Shy? Never.” He laughed.

“Sure, Jan.” Georgina said making him laugh even more.

“I just want to make sure we are--” Niall said before she cut him off.

“This was just a test. We are good and we are going to be good. We can talk about this later when we are alone.” She explained. “Now, I believe Keith Miller is waiting for us.”

Niall interlocked their fingers as they slowly made their way back into the kitchen.

“You know when you get all serious and lawyer-like it’s super hot, right?”

Georgina could feel her entire body grow warm. “Stop.”

Niall leaned in close before whispering in her ear, “Better take those panties off now because as soon as we get in that room that skirt is coming up and your face is going to be buried in a pillow.”

She knew exactly what he was trying to do. She knew the only way to get out of this unscathed would be to fight fire with fire. She took a deep breath before whispering, “Who says I’m wearing panties?”

The groan that escaped that boy’s mouth made a very pleased smile form on her face.

“For fuck’s sake, Georgina,” Niall said as his pants grew tight.

“And that’s how it’s done, ladies and gentlemen.” She winked before walking away.

[bookstantrash]

A/N: This is an idea that has been living inside my mind for a really long time and I finally gathered courage to write it. But I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so every time I read and edited it I always found more and more faults in what I had written, so I said “To hell with this, I’m gonna post it before I delete the whole thing”

This ended up being way longer than what I had imagined and I have no idea how I feel about it. So buckle up folks, because this is going to be a ride.

In which she makes a friend

After almost three months living in Illyria, Nesta could not recall a single conversation that had lasted for more than three minutes or that had been longer than two sentences. Not that she cared much in holding meaningless conversations about the weather and whatnot with the few Illyrians bold enough to talk to her. Because few were those that tried to talk to her, those that were not scared of her, whose voices did not whisper Other or Witch whenever she bothered to leave the house she now lived in.

So when Nesta sat on the lonely stone bench in front the house – the weather had given a break and gone from “insufferable bone cold” to “tolerable chilly” – to try and calm the raging fire in her veins, a sign that her power was trying to break free, a sign that she was close to breaking and destroying everything around her, she was very much surprised to find an Illyrian child walking towards her.

It was not unusual to have a few Illyrians knocking on the door sometimes, given that she now lived with him due to her sister’s order long ago in Velaris. But since her babysitter had gone to Cauldron knows where, to do Cauldron knows what a week ago, no one had come knocking on the door asking for that overgrown bat. Adding the fact that his house was a little secluded from the rest, Nesta could not imagine why that child was coming over.

“Good...good evening” the Illyrian greeted, stopping in front of her.

“He’s not here” Nesta said, eyeing the child in front of her. The boy – Nesta supposed it was a boy, not older than thirteen, with its short cut curly brown hair, bandaged hands, muddied clothes and scar free wings being the only clue she had – shifted nervously on his feet.

“I...I’m not looking for the General” the boy said “I heard there was a Witch living here. I take you are her”

For the second time of that day Nesta found herself surprised. The boy in front of her had called her a Witch in her face, something most did not.

“I wanted to ask for a spell” the boy’s voice had lost a bit of it’s previous nervousness, and he had squared his shoulders, wings slightly flaring “I don’t have much, but I’m ready to give anything in return”

‘You can’t possible have anything to give me’ Nesta thought, glancing at his ripped and dirty clothes.

“I’m no Witch” Nesta said, getting up and turning her back at the kid, making for the house’s door “Go back to your parents”

~•~

The next day, when Nesta was coming back from a walk in the woods – there was something about the ancient trees and the wilderness that helped her control her inner turmoil — she was baffled to see yesterday’s boy waiting for her.

“I’m sorry for yesterday” the boy blurted out before she could send him away “I didn’t want to offend you. I’m Kaelin”

Nesta’s only answer was a blink.

“I...I only said you were a Witch because that’s what the others said you were” Kaelin’s ears turned pink, no doubt embarrassed to admit listening to gossip.

“I don’t blame you” she said, and Kaelin’s eyes lit in surprise.

No. Nesta did not blame the boy for thinking her a Witch. Because long ago, before the war, before the empt void inside her was as big as the ocean, before she heard her father’s neck crack, she had declared to that annoying camp lord Devlon that she indeed was a Witch. But now, even though her powers were as loud as a beast’s roar in her ears, she did not want to touch them. Could not touch them.

And nothing, not even the hopeful look in Kaelin’s light brown eyes, would make her touch the wild beast that lived within her. She would not give the boy false hope. She would not fail another child. Not again. Not ever.

“If you have problems maybe you’d better tell your parents about it, instead of reaching for witchcraft”

After all, even thirteen year old Illyrians must have foolish mistakes that they would rather not tell their parents about.

“I don’t have parents. At least not anymore” Kaelin’s hard and sorrowful voice was enough to make Nesta resist prying further into his problem.

“I see” was the only thing she said, and she once again turned her back at him, entering that lonely and sad cabin, even though she was feeling rather inclined to talk, a feeling she had not felt for the longest time.

~•~

Kaelin appeared on Nesta’s door three days later, with a black eye, bruised cheek and a split lip that didn’t stop him from smiling and giving her something wrapped in brown paper.

“I thought about it and I realised that my apology was lacking” he started talking non stop, not giving Nesta a chance to say anything except gape at him and the gift on her hands “Father always said to treat everyone nicely, unless they were rude to you. He said it was what mother believed in”

Nesta could only nod and unwrap the paper to discover a pair of gloves.

“Did you steal them?” She asked, connecting the dots between the gloves she held — surely way out of the kid’s status of affordable — and his beaten face.

“No!” Kaelin replied, a bitterness in his voice “I know I’m just a lowly orphan but I’d never take something from another one in such an unhonoured way”

Nesta just grossed her arms, waiting for his explanation.

“One of the boys from the high families arrived at training with new boots” he gave a sly smile “I fought him for them”

“You did what?” Nesta’s voice rose and she was holding herself back from shaking the boy until he was back into his right mind.

“Fighting between Illyrians is not prohibited. But it’s best if you don’t get caught” Kaelin replied, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Nesta felt her temper rising.

“You. Come with me” she grabbed Kaelin’s arm and took him inside before he could protest.

She made him sit on sofa in the living room while she went searching for the medic supplies she was sure Cassian had. Once she found it, she went back to Kaelin and started treating his cuts, mumbling the entire time about how stupid and reckless boys were.

“This is nice” he said, wincing slight when Nesta touched his bruised cheek.

“What is nice?”

“Having someone take care of you” he answered “I... I didn’t know my mom. She died shortly after I was born. Father said she was quite fragile”

Nesta trying to not let show how his words affected her. She remembered another woman, dying in a lonely bed just a few years after her youngest child had been born.

“He died in the last war. Against Hybern” he practically spat the late king’s name, hate filling every syllable.

Nesta finished treating him and started organising the materials, to keep herself busy and have an excuse to buy time to know what to answer him. She had never been good at consoling others. And she didn’t know why, but she was afraid her bluntness would end up hurting Kaelin.

“He was a hero” he said firmly, his eyes shining with defiance “He may have been just a mere foot soldier but he was at the front line, keeping Hybern’s forces back”

“I’m sure he was” Nesta replied, trying not to think about who may have said otherwise to him, hurting a child who had nothing “But would he like to see his son picking meaningless fights?”

“It was to get you a gift” Kaelin looked down and poked at the sofa “I’m sure he’d have understood. Besides, I have to fight and stand out if I want to have a shot at the Rite”

“You mean the Blood Rite? I thought everyone participated” Nesta had gathered little information about the Illyrians for the time she had been living in Illyria. There were no libraries, no bookstores, and the books Cassian had about the Illyrian culture and history were scarce and outdated.

“The very one. You are not obligated to become a warrior, but that’s the path most of male Illyrians take. Not that we have many options to begin with” Kaelin’s voice had became serious “Most of the males from the richer families are bound to participate, but the rest.... we end up being mere foot soldiers. Expendable. So no point in making us take part in it.”

At his words, Nesta could not help but think about Cassian. He too was an orphan but had risen to be Rhysand’s Commander and had seven siphons. From what she had heard and seen at the war, that was rather unusual.

“It’s worse for females” Kaelin added quietly.

She knew that. Saw how females were treated on the rare times she got out of the cabin. A scarce number trained. And she did not know a lot about training, but was sure it was not near enough to make them part of the Illyrian army. Or even defend themselves were the worst to happen.

Nesta opened her mouth to say Cauldron knows what — she had to say something, she could not let the boy leave with such dark thoughts — when a loud noise interrupted her.

It was a sound Nesta knew quite well from her time as a human living in a shabby cottage.

A sound she had become reacquainted with after being Made. After that day at the battle field.

The sound of hungriness. The sound of someone who was starving, and had been so for quite a while.

And it was coming from Kaelin.

The Illyrian boy beside her blushed a deep scarlet, trying — and failing — to come up with an excuse. But Nesta knew better. She knew the signs of starvation. Saw them in herself. Had seen it in her younger sisters, when they were not older than Kaelin.

Thin wrists. Sunken eyes. Cheekbones way too sharp. Up close Nesta could properly examine Kaelin and notice that the boy was all bones and little muscle, his skinny built not a consequence of slow metabolism to gain weight, but rather the fact that he did not have enough sustenance to make it possible.

“I have way too much food stocked here. I was supposed to be living with an adult warrior that can eat for five people “ Nesta began, cutting Kaelin’s blabbering “It would be a crime to let it all get wasted”

Leaving him no window to reply, she took hold of his arm, hauling him towards the kitchen and making him to sit down while she gathered whatever food she came across. And she had enough fire in her eyes — she may or may not have lost a little bit of control of her powers due to her racing emotions — that Kaelin did not dare say a word, but just sit quietly and eat what was put in front of him.

~•~

Nesta’s routine had suffered a slight change after that evening. For the past month and a half, Kaelin had been having a meal with her after his training. Every day.

She had made sure to make it clear that she was expecting a visit from him after his activities were over.

He did not dare argue with her.

Today, however, was an unusual day.

Kaelin was late.

Almost two hours late.

Nesta had come to know Illyrian boy better, and one thing she learned about him was that he detested to be late. For him, his promises and commitment were everything, reminding her of another Illyrian she knew – which had not come back in two months. Not that she missed or was worried about him.

She tried and failed to convince herself that Kaelin may have been held back by training. But she did not know why she felt a strange feeling. Her powers were restless, more so than usual.

The air and the trees around her seemed different.

She felt it deeply in her bones.

As if the Cauldron itself — hidden far far away in a island that did not exist in any map ever written — dreaded whatever future thread the Mother was knitting.

As if something had been woken.

As if the winds of change had gone from a light breeze to a tornado, ready to wreak havoc in Illyria.

Nesta could not hold herself back any longer. She needed to know what was happening. To know if that strange song that spoke of a power strong and ancient was connected to Kaelin tardiness.

So into the woods she went.

She walked and walked, until the song in her ears got louder and a new sound appeared, a sound she would not be able to hear were it not for her fae ears.

The sound of someone whimpering.

Quickening her steps, Nesta followed the cries of pain until the wall of trees around her gave way to a small clearing.

And there, lying curled up in a ball, was Kaelin.

“KAELIN!”

Nesta ran towards him, falling on her knees beside his body.

“What happened? Did somebody hurt you?” she smelled blood, and feared the Illyrian whose boots he had “won” had gone after him for payback.

Her mind was racing, her thoughts overlapping themselves. She recalled another winged body, laying on the ground. She recalled another child, crying in pain due to its empty stomach, who had not seen food for weeks.

She would not fail anyone ever again. That had been her promise to herself.

“Kaelin...” Nesta slowly touched his arm, trying to soothe him “Talk to me. Tell me where it hurts”

Kaelin whimpered, slowly uncurling his body and tucking his wings. He clutched his abdomen, and Nesta dared to try and touch her power.

She would touch that dangerous beast if that meant she could help the young boy in front of her.

And so she tentatively reached inside herself for that source, trying to recall if any training she’d had with Amren may assist her in the current situation.

She scanned Kaelin’s body, and that’s when she noticed the small drops of blood beneath him. But her powers had not detected any wounds. No, he was not hurt.

However, she finally found the origin of the bleeding. And Nesta momentarily lost her breath.

Because she knew the reason why Kaelin was in pain.

“You are not a boy” she breathed.

Kaelin was a girl.

A girl who had had her first period.

A girl who was passing as a boy. Training like one.

And when Kaelin finally meet Nesta’s eyes, brown eyes shining with tears, she cursed the Mother for whatever future thread she had knitted.

•

Tags: @sayosdreams @thewayshedreamed @sjm-things @perseusannabeth

[mrpenguinpants]

hellooo this is not a request but what do u think of the new upcoming character (he'll probably get release like... at least after 2 years ig TAT) Dainsleif?

Major spoilers for Kaeya’s Character Story and Khaenri'ah Lore. 

TLDR: I like the potential Dainsleif has plus his design is really nice. He might be a catalyst or sword user with empowered auto's or he might be similar to Zhongli that uses field effects and has a delete button for his elemental burst. 

I have many theories on who Dainsleif is and that he is either some type of traveler/god/homunculus and he has the element of ash or quintessence. The opposite of dendro and nature. I'd like to believe that the lore of Khaenri'ah relates to his story and his attitude (since he's from there originally) and it's a desolate place with no archon blessings so the people themselves had to develop their own methods to survive, hence the art of alchemy Khemia. When Dainsleif get's introduced, mostly likely towards the very end, we might find out why Scaramouche said the sky and the stars was a gigantic hoax and the truth behind Kaeya. 

---

ANON. YOU. YOU GET A COOKIE. I LOVE TALKING ABOUT STORY AND CHARACTER LORE SO MUCH.

Please, if any of you wanna talk about this I’m totally on board. I love Dainsleif and I’m so upset he’ll probably be released towards end game so yeah two years at least;; 

Okay, so level with me. I’m about to bring out the whiteboard for this. I tried to format it so it was easier to digest but this is pure word vomit and I went overboard again. 

What do u think of the new upcoming character Dainsleif?

I’m very excited. I think his design is beautiful and I want those lore bomb drops. 

Firstly, I can’t wait for him to drop. I’m always a sucker for lore and he’s been dropping hints from the start since he narrates all the character’s collected miscellany. He does remind of me Dimitri from FE3H but I’m excited for more Khaenri’ah lore. 

I have some theories about where the story will go with him and  Khaenri’ah but those are some major spoilers so I left a read more tag if you’re interested. 

Tumblr won’t let me upload his splash art but just google it lol.

Which weapon will he use? 

Catalyst or Sword. He might have empowered autos like Diluc and Razor or he might apply a mark like Childe. 

I can see him being a castor since his right arm is glowing. But he might also be a sword user that uses empowered auto’s like Diluc and Razor. Since the name Dainsleif was King Högni's sword during the battle of Hjaðningavíg. According to the reliable source of wiki, whatever wound the Dainsleif sword cause could not be healed. 

I think it would be cool if his auto’s apply a stack/mark (similar to Childe’s riptide mark), and after 3 auto’s the mark is consumed and the enemy gets dealt heavy damage. Or maybe you can apply debuffs like “defense down” or maybe even a blind, based on the number to stacks you have on the mark. 

What vision will he have?

A hydro vision or a custom one (similar to a delusion). Or he doesn’t have a vision at all and uses alchemy or is secretly a “god”.

As for vision, he might be a hydro character since his splash art appears like he’s coming out of a ball of water. I’ve heard people say he might be cyro also, which wouldn’t be extremely off if visions actually correspond with their user. 

Or he might be introduced with an entirely new element (perhaps a new type of alchemy?). His star is a dark blue too so he might have the element of black mist/dust or ash/shadows as a potential power. 

In the Albedo trailer he mentions:

"But I know it well. It hails from Khaenri'ah: The Art of Khemia. Soil and chalk, the universe and earth, pure dust and the birth of life.”

Perhaps this is the vision/power that Dainsleif has? Maybe even the creator or maybe he even taught Albedo’s Master how to do Khemia. I don’t think he really encompasses the Geo vision (I will seriously write an 11 page essay on how vision’s correspond with their holder). We don’t know a lot about Dendro but I think he might be related to it. But just like Khaenri’ah, he’s reflects the opposite. Instead of “birth of life” and tree’s, he’s the “death of life” and ash. (wow doesn’t that sound deep lolol sorry I don’t really know how to explain it). The way he talks in trailers, he says “mortals” a lot but does vouch for them so it makes me wonder if he might actually be a god. 

Also his title is the “Bough Keeper”. A bough means: a main branch of a tree. This makes me believe that he can either do something similar to what Albedo showed us and can create life or he does the opposite and creates ash. Honestly, a part of me believes he might just have generic moveset’s like everyone else but let me dream lol. 

Or he might not even be a vision holder since we don’t see him holding one, but we only have this angle and art to go off on. He might even use stars haha. If anyone remembers, during the falling star event, Scaramouche says the sky and stars were a gigantic hoax. I would not be surprised if the world is actually upside down or the “sky” isn’t even a sky at all. More like a sheet over Teyvat or some kind of illusion. 

Or another theory, perhaps Dainsleif is the god of time since he says in Travail during the Traveler chapter:

“Defeat me, command me to step aside, show me that you are worthier than I to rescue her. Then, the threads of all fate will be yours to re-weave“

It would explain how he knows so much about the other characters and what happened in the past since he brings up “the war” a lot. I’m assuming it’s either the Archon War or something before that. 

Or mihoyo could shred my thesis paper and Dainsleif has nothing to do with this and he’s some random guy from Khaenri’ah with plot convivence. 

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I just want to mention at the bottom of this, but the classical elements are water, earth, fire, air and (later) aether. I find it funny that the male MC shares the name. 

“Aether, also called quintessence, is the fifth and highest classical element. It’s a material that fills the region of the universe above the terrestrial sphere.” 

“It permeates all nature and is the substance composing the celestial bodies. The essence of a thing in its purest and most concentrated form,”

Or this is just a hint to the traveler’s power since the traveler is the only one that can use all the elements. 

Possible moveset?

He might use stars or air/anemo in his moveset. He could be a very good dps with a lot of trapping potential. Or he might be a field effect support like Albedo, but can still do a lot of damage. 

Imagine Dainsleif uses stars haha, throwing them to do damage like Ningguang’s rocks. The splash art of him shows two stars in the top left. He might have a teleport (similar to Keqing + Mona dash), or maybe he could even have some sort of telekinesis with his right arm. I’m just getting Xayah from league of legends vibes where he can throw the star, it places itself at max range, then he can recall them and the star does damage on the way back. Similar to how Keqing’s elemental skill works but instead of teleporting to the stiletto, the stiletto comes back to you when you press e again. (Sorry I play on keyboard). 

The opposite of nature is void or cosmos so that could be relating to his power as well since the only animation we get of him is in Teyvat Chapter Storyline Preview: Travail (I’m just gonna say Travail) and this black mist comes from his hand and he says: 

“"We will defy this world with a power from beyond.”

Could be interesting hehe. He might even be a field effect character like Albedo. He doesn’t really strike me as the guy that likes fighting but in the Albedo trailer he says: 

“I am content to watch most crises play out from the sidelines. But if Albedo were ever to make a single wrong move...I could not let myself ignore it.”.

Seems to be that Dainsleif is pretty powerful or at least has some type of influence. It could be interesting if he’s similar to Zhongli and has a giant delete button for his elemental burst haha. Or he has some type of imprisonment power like Mona’s burst. Or as I mentioned earlier, it would be fun having telekinesis but this is just me taking liberties haha. 

(and yes I totally understand that I’m forcing the story to support my theory BUT IGNORE IT OK.)

Black Mist/Dust and Ash/Shadows?

Uh I gave up on these summaries lol 

I touched on it briefly but I say black mist or shadows since I believe that Khaenri’ah is probably not a good place to live originally. Similar to how Mondstadt was in the past, it is probably surrounded by some type of barrier (hence the mist or even the sky) that both traps and makes sure no one get’s in or out. Khaenri’ah is quite the opposite of most regions besides the whole “no archon” business but in “Travai”, when Dainsleif brings up Khaenri’ah this shows up:

It seems like a star to me in some hidden pocket in the sky and what not. This is what I would assume Scaramouche saw (possibly, we have no idea) and therefore there are people and an entire region that’s in the sky. But why would  Khaenri’ah be above Celestia? Since you can see Celestia in Teyvat. I would like to think that Teyvat is either upside down and Khaenri’ah is actually below everything or this pocket in the sky isn’t even in Teyvat and is similar to how you reach spiral abyss. You have to go through this circle in Cape Oath and you get sucked into this worm hole thing and you make it to Musk Reef. Where we saw Scarachmouche and he tells us the sky is a hoax. 

This idea kinda supports my idea that Teyvat is either upside down or the sky isn’t real since how could Dainsleif know who all these people are (since he narrates all the 5 star character’s trailers). Either the man is just really smart and travel’s around a lot but he’s aware of who Zhongli is, an archon from 6000 years ago. This makes me believe he is either a god himself or if he is also a homunculus. Or he’s in the third category and perhaps he’s also a traveler like the main character’s.

I don’t believe he’s an archon but it would be interesting if he was a potential candidate for becoming the Khaenri’ah archon. Since I believe vision holders (human) can become archons and rise to Celestia but Dainsleif refused or he was capable of becoming an Archon

“A human with a Vision is an allogene — one with the potential to reach godhood; however, it isn't clear if having a Vision is a requirement, or simply makes a person more likely to meet the qualifications to reach Celestia.”

But going back to the state of Khaenri’ah, I’d like to think that since the art of Khemia is from Khaenri’ah that would mean that they had to learn how to make their own food and life since they didn’t have an archon to bless their lands. Barbatos had swept the snow and land away in the region of Mondstadt but Khaenri’ah doesn’t have that luxury. Naturally, I would imagine that there are some downsides of Khemia when it was first being practiced, hence the ash. But ash isn’t a bad thing, in fact you can use ash to amend soil and boost your lawn. 

But obviously having a vision would be a whole lot more useful since it’s literally god given talent/blessing so if you have a vision, you might be able to break out and go to the “above” world of Teyvat. If you have a vision you’re seen as being blessed by the gods and you might be able to ascend to Celestia itself. I believe that Khaenri’ah is secretly the abyss and doesn’t see the sun so it’s always dark and it’s hard to grow anything so the people of Khaenri’ah had to find ways to make their own food, hence alchemy. This could be why Dainsleif is so adamant about humanity and questioning the Archons and visions. 

If we are going on the theory that Dainsleif is actually a normal human, then I’d like to imagine he was one of the people that prayed for a vision or some type of blessing and finally got it. But an incident happened and he lost his faith or resolve in the Archons. He mentions it a tiny bit in the Diluc trailer but this is just me spit balling. 

Also, Kaeya’s talents also mention about an abyss and void before the change. I don’t think abyss was made to relate to the abyss order and more the actual definition of abyss but it’s still interesting. 

What is Khemia?

Well I don’t know and I don’t know how accurate google is but let’s try and go through it together. I have no idea if what I’m about to type is offensive since I do not have a history degree and I’m pretty much paraphrasing what google tells me.

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So Khemia, is an Egyptian sacred science. When Egypt was occupied by the Arabs they added “al-” to the world “Khemia” and “al-Khemia”. Al-Khemia means “The Black Land” and is now seen as a possibly origin of the world alchemy. 

Not gonna lie, I did not know al-khemia meant the black land so idk if my hindsight is 2020 or it was just super obvious for my monkey brain. 

As for the world “Chemeia”, it was used to designate the art of metal-working, specifically changing base metals into gold and silver. The Arabs later prefixed it with “al” and the world “alchemy”. Alchemy came to signify the art of chemistry in general. However the word "Chemeia” was probably derived from the Greek word “chemi” which means “black”. This could be because: 

In the sense of "dark" or "hidden", since the Dark, Hidden or Divine Art was the only name by which this science was known to the ancients.

However, the word chemistry might have had a Chinese origin.  It may have been derived from the Hakka term KIM-MI or the Cantonese term KEM-MAI, which signifies "gone astray in search of gold" or "secret of gold". 

Assuming it’s from Egyptian origin, the ancient Egyptian word khēmia means the transmutation of earth, thereby the science of matter at the atomic to molecular scale. According to some etymologists, khēmia or “preparation of black powder” ultimately derived the name from Khem or Kēme, Egypt, the land of black earth. 

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So if we are going with the Chinese origin, I’d like to think that this is a hint towards the story and people trying to find the “gold” or perhaps a vision. This could explain why Kaeya was sent to Mondstadt to hopefully require a vision and come back. 

What is the lore behind Khaenri’ah then?

So, why do I think the people of Khaenri’ah are looking to be saved or want a vision so badly? Well, time to go through the entire Khaenri’ah lore with you lads. 

The Khaenri’ah lore goes as this:

At least 200 years ago, the Eclipse Dynasty threw the kingdom into chaos (meaning it was the last Dynasty).

The people were cursed and transformed into monsters.

Mondstadt’s Knights and Grand Master Arundolyn went on an expedition to Khaenri’ah to fight off the monsters.

In the present,  Khaenri’ah is still struggling against the effects of the curse. Kaeya was sent to Mondstadt as their last hope and for the sake of the “ancient plot”.

1. For those not aware, China’s time periods were separated into Dynasty’s (sort of). The Chinese characters of “Eclipse Dynasty” are [古国黑日落] or "The Ancient Civilization of the Black Sunset". There is probably some type of history or connection to this since Zhongli’s voicelines are full of them but this post is long enough and I don’t know if people want to or care about hearing Chinese history but um let me know? Cause I’m really into that and I will gladly write about it.

2. We’re not completely aware if the people transformed into Hilichurls or were apart of the Abyss Order. But since the last dynasty was literally called Eclipse I would like to believe this supports my idea that Khaenri’ah isn’t someplace you can easily reach and you have to entire a fucking worm hole to get to. I’m in love with the idea that Khaenri’ah is the spiral abyss or at least part of it, that Childe fell into when he was a younger. Perhaps even the spiral abyss is where he landed since time technically doesn’t pass in spiral and it’s just a wave of enemies. I would 100% not be shocked if we have to enter the that wormhole to get to Khaenri’ah or something similar. 

3. Arundolyn was a previous Grand Master and while he did not possess a Vision, he was naturally gifted through intense training. He was formerly one of the Four Winds and had the title of “Lion of Light”. So Khaenri’ah is possible to get to and someone from Mondstadt has done it, but without a vision. The Traveler also doesn’t carry a vision so it might be interesting to see. Kaeya didn’t get his vision until he was 18? 17? When he had a falling out with Diluc. 

I would like to think that perhaps the Archon’s betrayed Khaenri’ah or someone fucked up in their pursuit to develop Khemia to it’s fullest potential or wanted to make their own vision, hence the delusion and how it transforms Childe into a foul legacy form. The Dragonspine lore could point to how Celestia has the power to seal away Khaenri’ah. This also might have been where Dainsleif lost his resolve (assuming he’s a human and just happened to get some sort of power or is really good at Khemia he saw the past or fate or whatever lol)

“Murals, Record of Serial No., and other lore bits in Dragonspine indicate that those who dwelled there attempted to fight against Celestia but lost. As punishment, the Skyfrost Nail was dropped, and the area was turned into a frozen wasteland.

Therefore, people with visions cannot enter Khaenri’ah because of the Archon’s and people that receive visions (which I still think is highly unlikely if you’re in Khaenri’ah) might be able to break out. Think of spiral abyss as some sort of “purgatory” except to enter Khaenri’ah you go down. To get out, you start AT FLOOR 12 and make your way up. Similar to Kid Icarus and how the hardest level was at the beginning and as you went up, it slowly became easier. 

4. I like the idea that Khaenri’ah is a land that either doesn’t have vision holders or the people that do have visions aren’t seen the same way as other regions. People are are actually cursed by the Gods or people that require visions leave Khaenri’ah because they now have the power to. In Travail Dainsleif says this:

"Some say a few are chosen and the rest are dregs, but I say we humans have our humanity. We will defy this world from a power from beyond”

Naturally these are his ideals and I’d like to believe that Khaenri’ah is actually split on this. Some believe in Dainsleif ideals while the other half doesn’t. If we’re going on the theory that Khaenri’ah is actually the abyss then the abyss order makes a bit more sense. 

Plus the idea that Lumine/Aether (I think the story is just going to stick with Lumine being the “villain ”) working for the abyss, it could be because their twin was separated by an unknown god. Aether was asleep and plagued by nightmares with his sister saying “it was too late”, perhaps he lost his memory since he doesn’t know what he was late for? Maybe this is what she meant since I’d assume the story has you going from place to place and the Archon’s stepping down like in Liyue and the Tsaritsa collecting all the gnosis. 

Why is the Tsaritsa collecting all the gnosis?

“She is a god with no love left for her people, nor do they have any left for her. Her followers only hope to be on her side when the day of her rebellion against the divine comes at last."

I can imagine that Tsarista or the Cyro archon is collecting all the gnosis because she believes in the Khaenri’ah attitude and is apart of the ancient plot or is trying to protect them somehow since she isn’t an evil person based on Childe’s voicelines:

“Her Royal Highness the Tsaritsa is actually a gentle soul. Too gentle, in fact, and that's why she had to harden herself. Likewise, she declared war against the whole world only because she dreams of peace. And because she made an enemy of the world, I had the chance to become acquainted with you.”

Or maybe even more interesting, she was actually a citizen of Khaenri’ah since the Tsaritsa wasn’t apart of the original seven but this is a huge stretch. Maybe she’s collecting all the gnosis to finally break the seal on Khaenri’ah? Plus the people of Sneznaya strike me as “I don’t care if you’re blessed by the gods or have a vision, if you can fight then you’re good in our books”. Plus the people of Khaenri’ah are probably pretty mad at the Archons so when the rebellion does come I’d assume the Tsaritsa wants them on her side. 

What happened to Kaeya?

Now Kaeya’s character story goes into how he met Diluc and Crepus. It’s hinted that it was on purpose since Kaeya’s father left him there specifically. 

"One afternoon near the end of summer a decade ago, my father and I passed by the Dawn Winery."

This matter-of-fact description hides a carefully constructed lie. Kaeya has never once spoken the truth about what happened that afternoon:

"This is your chance. You are our last hope."

Kaeya would never forget the look of both hope and hatred in his father's eyes as he uttered those words.

Now you can interpret this as many things, either collecting all the gnosis and obtaining a vision to hopefully come back to save Khaenri’ah could be what he meant or he want’s Kaeya to stop the Abyss Order from literally setting Teyvat on fire. You can probably sympathize with the Abyss Order if we are following the theory that they are actually the mutated monsters of Khaenri’ah citizen’s during the Eclipse dynasty but it’s also like, how about we not set the world on fire ya know?

But interestingly, the reason why Kaeya’s father left him with Diluc’s family is because they have a long history of participating in the rebellion against Decarabian 2,600 years ago and Vennessa’s rebellion against the Aristocracy. 

What will happen when Dainsleif get’s introduced?

So, I’m fully on board with the “Kaeya being the secret prince of Khaenri’ah” theory. I like the idea that Dainsleif is Kaeya’s servant or trusted advisor but I think that’s mainly rooted in the ship. Dainsleif strikes me more as someone who observes and only steps in if he has to because it might affect fate or whatever.

“I am content to watch most crises play out from the sidelines. But if Albedo were ever to make a single wrong move...I could not let myself ignore it.” 

I don’t think Dainsleif is the King of Khaenri’ah that Jean mentions in her hobbies voiceline but perhaps he was related to them somehow. Maybe the first King or the King that Jean mentions was real and Dainsleif was his friend or the God that helped him become King, then the Eclipse Dynasty happened and everything went downhill. Since I believe in Kaeya being a secret prince from  Khaenri’ah, Dainsleif would still be somewhat loyal to the Kingdom or perhaps he had lost faith after what happened and how so many people got corrupted and turned into monsters. 

I was talking about this with my friend but what if genshin pulls an fgo and “kills” Kaeya? Similar to FGO where Leonardo “died” in a car accident and when we visited a shop, there was just a hologram. What if genshin’s story kills Kaeya in a cutscene, and we can no longer use him since Kaeya was a free character, only to return as - THE 5 STAR WE WERE ALL WAITING FOR - the prince of Khaenri’ah.

When will we see Dainsleif?

According to the “Travail” the order of appearances is this: 

I believe part 1 is finished with Zhongli and dragonspine was just an add on for Albedo. But this makes me believe that Dainsleif and Khaenri’ah will be after we go to Snezhnaya. Also side note, the music for Natlan slaps hard. 

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But yeah, I kinda went a bit off track and started talking about the story haha. I really love lore so if anyone has any questions about other characters or want’s to discuss the genshin story I am all ears^^. Also, if any of this becomes true in two years time I WILL BE BACK TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO. 

Or genshin prepares to rip this post apart and none of it is true. If you actually read my word vomit I appreciate you and you get a free cookie. If you’re wondering where I’ve been, it was writing this haha.