#gonna get back to writing today hopefully
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hi guys . just got home from work. god today was CRAZY. right as i left for work there was suddenly this massive massive thunderstorm, loud as fuck thunder and lightning everywhere and it was really scary i hate driving through normal rain as it is . i was like already running late for work and then on my phone i saw a message from someone who i literally never thought id hear from again. just fully thought i was dead to this person, and so like . it was nice to hear. but also filled me with anxiety. then i got to work and expected a really quiet shift cause we only had one booking, but then we had like a million walk ins so i was so fucking busy, but i was genuinely on my a-game, i feel like i did everything perfect i did, i did my job and most of my coworkers job really well . had a really really nice table with someone who i wanted to be friends with on it, but they left before i asked her for her instagram, but also the whole time i was working i was also overthinking everything, i was thinking about this person and how things went down and how things happened and i realised that deep down i really dont think im a good person . which is incredibly hypocritical because i dont think theres such a thing as a fully bad person. so i think im going back to therapy. and then mum texted me and asked if i could take dad to work tomorrow, (his cars broken down right now) which means ill need to be home by 8, which means the climbing session i planned on having tomorrow morning has to be pushed even earlier . it was gonna be 7 to 8 before, now it has to be 6:30 to 7:30 so i can get home in time . but its already 10:30pm so with me wakjng up at 6 theres no way im gonna get a good sleep. and then ill have to take dad to work, come home, hopefully nap and get some sleep, then go to lunch with the person i was talking about earlier, come home, try to nap some more, go to work, and hopefully throughout all that find the time to tell my mum i want to go back to therapy . so !!! theres that. anyway im gonna eat dinner now and try to sleep. you don't have to read tbis post i just .. needed to write things down
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I will genuinely throw up if swaddled and silk hits 1k notes
#like#in a good and bad way#bc that is ABSOLUTELY not my best or favorite work#i am 10x more proud of rose gold#but it is what it is and I’m definitely grateful that a work of mine is getting that much attention at all#love you all#gonna get back to writing today hopefully#tom blyth#Coriolanus snow#swaddled in silk
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Fuck It Friday ☔️
I was tagged by @daffi-990 @jamespearce9-1-1 @eddiebabygirldiaz @wikiangela and @jeeyuns thank youuu 💛
Aside from some editing, my Christmas fics are all done and now I can slowly return to my main wips, so I thought I'll post a snippet from Eddie's pov in the mudslide fic (most of that part is just too spoilery and I rarely share from it, but this bit was waiting to come out for a while now, so here 🫶).
He mostly thought about Christopher; imagined him waking up in the morning, pestering Buck for breakfast and news he couldn't give, going to school and coming home, sitting at the dining table, doing his homework… Just normal things.
He would’ve given anything to be with them right now. To walk out of his room in the morning and see Buck’s sleep-rumpled face, his curls flat on top of his head, his smile lazy and crooked and his bare feet on Eddie’s living room carpet.
To watch the tattoos shift on Buck’s naked shoulders as he stretched and to hear his hoarse voice as he mumbled out a quiet “morning” on his way to the bathroom. To smell the scent of his overnight sweat still lingering on his skin while making their coffees side by side, waiting for Christopher to finally shuffle out of his room for breakfast.
To hear the sleepy mumble stifled in his own ribs as Chris gave him his good morning hug and see the toothy grin tugging at his lips as Buck entertained him throughout breakfast, making him giggle with his silly facts and jokes.
To yell “come on, we're gonna be late” at the front door as Chris ran back inside for a book he forgot and then to yell again after Chris was back but Buck just realised he had left his phone on the kitchen counter.
To sit in the car and talk about after-school plans and listen to the radio on a low volume before dropping Chris off with a hug each and then to bundle back into the truck and head to work together, barely just having enough time to stop for one of those creamy coffee monstrosities Buck liked so much — that somehow Eddie learned to like too, only if to indulge in the fantasy of what Buck’s lips would taste like on his own.
✨no pressure tagging: @malewifediaz @spagheddiediaz @hippolotamus @disasterbuckdiaz @nmcggg @thewolvesof1998 @watchyourbuck @theotherbuckley @fortheloveofbuddie @ladydorian05 @rainbow-nerdss
#this is gonna be so domestic you just wait#gonna get back to this asap but I slept 3.5 hours last night and didn't really have any writing mojo today#but there is still saturday and sunday!#and then from next thursday I'm gonna be home for 12 days#which SHOULD be enough to finish the mudslide fic and the breeding fic#and then hopefully I could get closer with the jealous eddie fic too#gah I know I'm rambling but I'm so excited to have all this free time to write about my boys#🥹#I'll shut up now#buddie#911#wip#the mudslide fic
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Oh to write a line that is such an emotional punch to the gut you have to take a break and maybe even go on a walk, like oof
#Raksh's writing ramblings#it took a lot of tweaks and a lot of time just sitting there staring at the paragraph but damn does it hit now#Im actually kinda shocked how well it works#and since its so hot and humid and absolutely godamn awful today that my brain feels like mush#this might be a good point to leave it on today and pick back up on tomorrow#kinda sucks Im only able to get around 600 words a day#But after almost a year of writer's block I'll take it with open arms#(my thesis can wait a lil'm more 🙈🙈)#btw Im writing the final part to the VegasPete time travel AU#and its mostly Vegas' and Gun's confrontation so that's already heavy stuff#but these lines Gun just said to Vegas? oh my god#I might've peaked right there and then#hopefully that'll stay relevant and won’t sound like shit when I get back to it tomorrow 🙈😂#but so far Im having so much fun and it's beginning to look like it might become one of the best things I've ever written#it just Flows and Im letting myself go with the style and its just-- so nice 😩#lots of parallels and lots of implications and mirroring in this confrontation between father and son#might become my favourite bit too#and Id prob appeal to no one but me 🙈 but ehh Im happy with how its turning out and that's important ^^#and if anyone else likes it then thats just an added bonus ^^#now Im gonna go lay down and rest for a bit bcs this heat wave really is killing me#over 32 degrees Celcius with Zero wind snd humid as fuck#I was Not made for this :')
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yay yippee yay :3 🎉
#just me hi#making things i will never ever show to anybody: 💫💫💥💫💫 pfshvbh#you know when you personal-art so hard it could literally be nuclear if anybody saw it. Yeagh kfhsvhjgs#:3 ehehehe [<- pleased]#i love you writing + art combo. i Am giving you a very deep grave though i won't lie <3#//anyway thought i was gonna get flamed today cuz i wouldn't let my mom look at some doobles i had in my sketchbook lmfsvhghs#gay 😔#but we just went out for snacks and she was just talking about a lot of random stuff lol :) chilling comes out on top yet again 👍💥#//anyway i gotta do some studies ᴗ.ᴗ [<- the urge to do it and the desire to Never Ever]#wanna get better at anatomy :/ and shading lmao :/ [<- does not want to do it so bad]#and also backgrounds :// but one step at a time man i don't know what a lighting is lfmvshj#shaking myself by the shoulders like you are GOING to enjoy it at some point it's not the end of enjoyment forever !!#me n mine are going to argue back and forth about it until i finally get it done so [tosses hands in the air]#hopefully i get to it today :) i haven't been trying to do timelapses this past year but maybe i'll do that when i get around to it :>#getting the funk out of the Lagoons means i realized i have been dropping a lot of things i thought were neat over time and i'm tryna pick#them back up lol :3#downside is that where i was dropping things i was picking up anxiety which is Really Cool and Epic#the Most counterintuitive function of the brain i think. doing their best but man it's like putting a rat in a room made of cheese while#it's pouring rain outside and expecting it not to start chowing down lmaoo#//anyway yea!! my things :33#kinda Do want to do studies now Yippee !!! i win yet again ehe >:3#so toodles ciao pop toodles >wó
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UWAHHH good morning friends & happy sunday !!ヾ(>∀<*) i’m wishing all of you the bestest day EVA & please remember to stay hydrated in this hot weather !! MWUUUAH !! <3 🍓
#i’ve got lots to yap about for todays sunday taggie yap session teehee !! ^_^#yesterday i got a bunch of new figs for a real good price YIPEEE !! ^_^#i got two of my dream figures which was soso exciting !! >//<#one was shoto & the other was katsuki !!#the katsuki one has to be one of my most detailed figures & it was only 30$ !! :0 it’s 60$ online !! so that was supa exciting !!#i organized all of my fig shelves finally so its much less cramped !! >.< my manga now all sits on a different shelf teehee :>#i took some photos of all my figs with my old camera & i might edit them in a cute video to post !! ^.^#anywhosies !! today m’ heading out of town with my brother & his wife to do some shopping !!#hopefully i can find some cool stuffs !! :>#plannin’ on answering all askies today !! T^T i feel so incredibly bad about the wait SOB !! please forgive me !!#i’ve been goin’ through some stuff so i haven’t been entirely motivated </3#also :< m’ serious when i say katsuki’s death dub seriously affected me SNIFF !!#havin’ to see your f/o go through that is no fun :< his va did an incredible job though !! </3#plannin’ on writing much more for mha !! hq will have to wait for the spotlight again teehee >//<#i hafta go back to work this week which is no fun ( *-* ) sigh… need the money though </3#also waiting on 4 commis right now YIPEEEE !!!!! ^_^#& i’m gonna commission kou’s birthday commi soon too !! SOSO EXCITED !!#i also finished my personal birthday art for him teehee >//<#been in a drawin’ mood lately !! ^_^#will hopefully get better with time so i can be more proud of my pieces !! <3#oki i think i’ll wrap this yap up !! :>#I WUV YOU ALL SHOOO MUCH !! MWUUUAH !! <3 🍓#₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ — lene’s latest gossip .ᐟ
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heyyy 🫣 i’m sorry i haven’t been posting lately!! i’m adjusting to a new schedule and by the time i’ve got free time, i don’t have the brain power to write. but! requests are always open and i think i’ll be able to get at least one done today 🫶🏻
#em rambles#thank you to everyone for being so patient !!#i’m looking forward to get back into writing today so i’m prob gonna get something done for at least one of my friends too#if you’re my friend you didn’t see that#i also want to do some non smau editing today so i can hopefully post that v soon
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ohmygodddddd i am a fucking genius...👁️ the fic idea i just came up with. the Specific Line i thought up. its such a random idea but its so so cute and sweet and ugh its gonna plague me forever. kinda proud of myself to be honest so lets just hope i can Actually write it soon🧎
#mmm brain isnt always bad sometimes i guess.#its some unapologetic jake fluff btw#bc he deserves it#also i forgot i cant really spend time on tumblr today bc ill be busy again lol so tomorrow it is (hopefully)#but its gonna be a good day bc me and my bestie are going to see love lies bleeding And immaculate together😋😋#and probably get some lunch and maybe ice cream too#excited#have been looking forward to today#and then after today im looking forward to finally crawling back into my little tumblr cave#hopefully i can Actually Read.#and yk. writing would be nice too.#also im goin back on sertraline today and apparently it can be used for ocd too so i will try to see if any of That feels different as well#raaaaaa#still havent fully researched ocd tho🧎ive been procrastinating🧎as i do🧎#anyways goodnight its 5am.#shouldnt have had that 8pm iced capp#i downed that shit fr#ok bye bye love yall#talkin shit#FUCK YES THIS POSTED LIKE ON THE VERY SECOND 5:15 WAS ENDING YESSS#sorry i actually like am distressed when the minute(s) of my posts arent posted on a 0 or 5 or like the same as the previous number#and when it is i feel like actual relief and joy#and when it isnt i contemplate deleting and waiting until the desired minute to post again.#anddd sometimes i actually do.#i also will just wait several minutes to post something when its not the exact minute i want yet#or ill queue it for like. literally a couple minutes in the future.#yeah i have many issues#okay gn thank you for reading if you read🧍🫶#i always either suck my own dick or beat my own ass.#rarely ever is there an in between
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1 down, 13 more to gooooo
#lila speaks#tbh i think i can manage one a night#that's the goal#i was just writing a sentence here and there of everything today and it's been working so i'm gonna carry on doing that#having them all complied into a list is like easing my adhd because i can easily flip back and forth#mwah mwah thank u to everyone who sent reqs in#i will be moving onto gif reqs once drabbles are out the way#and hopefully by then.......... the first chapter and some of the second should all be written#i promise i'm trying to get this to you as fast as i can but looking at my notes which arent even done#we're looking at a 15k-20k first chapter bestiesssss
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the fall of the house of usher AU with the todorokis
#🧚🏽♀️ — luxe chit chat#i cant stop thinking abt how good it was holy moly#im SO hit and miss with mike flanagan but i rly rly enjoyed it all#VICTORINES EPISODE WOW#i love how shitty the wholeeee family is i feel like u could definitely do something fun with that plot for an AU with the todorokis#touya would be napoleon#like i will not accept any other character for him#i havent thought abt the rest but this concept is so so sooo fun i love messy family stuff#i heard someone say it reminded them of succession which ive never seen so#maybe i should watch succession#ANYWAY i hope ur all good sorry i havent been as chatty lately#my anxiety has been so bad after my friendship breakup#im still goin thru it and my emotions are a rollercoaster but im doing my best yk#i am gonna try and get back into writing and creating stuff#hopefully will have something to post today or tomorrow#im editing a draft i had from before all of the drama so fingers crossed!!#take care of urselves and have nice days everybody mwah mwah
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...
#i say goodbye to my boss tomorrow#not like officially officially bc im still employed into August so we have meetings#and hopefully we'll collaborate in future on projects and i have papers to write with her still#but like this is the last time ill physically see her bc shes not coming back until August and ill b gone by then#so its like. sad. bc shes my science mum. today she was complaining abt some stupid politics stuff#that went on this week in the department and she was like i kno i should b more professional but i feel like since ur leaving now#were more colleagues and friends. and im like 😭 god dammit ur gonna make me fucking cry#i came this this school to work with u and u were so great. i was so lucky to have ended up in her lab#bc i didnt kno wtf i was doing and shes not perfect but i learned a lot from her and ill b really sad to not b working with her so much#but thats how it goes. ill have to make her something cool as a parting gift#god. thatll b a fucking pain but she deserves something that takes a lot of effort#were meeting tomorrow to go over a protocol but im not sure if that's actually what were doing or if theres a surprise involved#bc she likes to do that and it stresses me the fuck out. she's been wanting to get me ice cream for the last 2 months so that might actually#b what's happening. or both could b happening. ugh. anyway. just me crying abt how im gonna miss my boss who im literally seeing tomorrow#im gonna have to giver her a painfully earnest letter abt how great she is and apologize for kinda having a breakdown#i mean i wasnt totally nonfunctional but like. it was not good and im sure i kinda sucked to b around#but whatever. god. the move it finally on the horizon. it finally feels like its getting real#unrelated
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me at 3am today sitting in bed w/my laptop trying not to fall asleep while editing chapter 1 cause I was finally ~in the zone~ and everything was clicking
#I fell asleep with my laptop 😞#I'm SO fckn tired today dude#but! I'm kinda excited to open my laptop tonight and read over chapter 1 AGAIN and see how well I fleshed it out#it's gonna be 3k+ that's all I can tell you lmao#but! I feel good abt it. it felt like it was flowing good and I was able to really nail dialogue and everything it was just...#great. haven't felt like that in a long time.#and now I'm fckn exhausted lol#and as always I am stuck between desperately wanting to share a snippet to show off what I've done and see if ppl are interested#and just keeping it all a secret until it's all done#either way I know I want to finish it and share it. it's just gonna be.... a while. chapter 1 alone is taking me like#forever to actually type 😞#hopefully subsequent chapters will be quicker as I get back in the groove 🤞🤞🤞🤞#i write sometimes
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I had a dream last night where I got a big box with bunch of tiny plushies of different characters and I want to talk about it… Got some tiny?? shigarakis from mha but I also got a single tiny mikasa I think (?)
also got a tiny geto plush but i was disappointed he didn’t come with a matching gojo LMAO
then there were like. 10+ tiny nobara plushies and every time I pulled one out of the big box I would kiss her head gently and put her with the other plushies i already took out
Idk just thought it was a bit silly and wanted to share <3
#honestly was one of the nicest dreams I had in a while… also nice dream to have before my day off lol#Finally have time to do my own stuff today… I want to write more mhs#I went back and added a whole nother scene that i still gotta finish 😭😭#also gonna simultaneously work on the inbox req becausenive been slowly making progress w that one so… hopefully i get some done today
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Ive spent most of yesterday doing all my uni stuff for finals and a couple hours today too, and I should be doing much more, but I can actually feel my brain giving out on me rn. Im starting to develop a headache and that's very much Not ideal. I have A Lot to do and not a lot of time to do it, ughh...
Forcing usually doesn’t work on me though, so even though my anxiety will prob have a field day, I guess I'll try to take a break, maybe play some Skyrim, maybe write a lil' more fanfic if my head feels better, and who knows, if in the evening it feels up to it, I can try to add some more to that big project Im trying to finish or start on a presentation for a different class. Either would be nice, but if its not possible tonight, then I guess I just gotta hope taking a break today will help me get back at it tomorrow.
Here's to hoping!
#personal#Raksh's studying adventures#uni stuff#Raksh posts#Im not even gonna think about my thesis#gotta write to my supervisor prof about it tomorrow#tell her where I am with it and ask about a deadline because I might not make it#and whats her outlook on that#I doubt she'll refuse to pass if if we have anything to show for the chapter but still better to ask#for my own anxiety levels at least#ugh today is not a good day#and the time is running out but oh well#life I guess#there's stormy clouds outside but so far no rain and quite hot and humid#so that might be contributing to me feeling unwell#Im not good with changing weather#especially if its in this weird inbetween state#when it hopefully finally rains it should get better for me but we'll see#for now Im gonna hop into Skyrim and my new save#(bcs I could with EE Kaidan anymore and had to go back to the OG version with some ooold voice addons)#(where they were still just the OG lines that were not working - I think - and some fixes to the og mod)#plus Im actually trying to RP more rn#kinda with my fic in mind 😂#so Im starting with the Thevies Guild and making my way towards Kaidan more 'naturally'#and I'll go into the main story after I get him ^^#anyway gonna end the rambles here#and go relax to the sounds and sights of Skyrim ^^
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oh nice! the Matt fic posted itself at the correct time
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#🧷 Matt 🔨#i usually wait around for whatever time i want my finished and ready-to-go drafted posts to go up so i can do it manually#but then it occurred to me that i could like. make use of the scheduling feature and just set it and forget it#but i was actually keeping an eye on that one to see if it went up at the right time cause i scheduled it for today#but then it said it was set for Sunday at 7 and not Saturday. so i was like okay i'll just. wait and see what it does#but it went up when i wanted it to! (still don't know why it said Sunday in the queue tho...)#anyways this is a lot of worrying and rambling abt a post that no one will read anyways bc No One knows who Matt is and that fic is Dark#(even tho the numbers for it on Ao3 are Tiny the kudos to hits ratio is good though!!)#(so hopefully that means that those who do read it seemed to enjoy it. or appreciate it? it's a weird fucking fic man idk)#(the kudos are Greatly appreciated nonetheless)#but that's okey i just wanted to get it out of my drafts and posted anyways. and also kinda use it to test the scheduling feature#but bc i'm a control freak who needs to Do Everything Myself anyways i'll probably keep doing stuff manually#or schedule posts and then sit around and wait for them to go up anyways just to make sure nothing goes wrong lmao#okay rambling over. back to work#well actually i'm gonna go grab dinner. i haven't. ate yet today. and then back to work!
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lately my only goal w my writing sessions is just to do whatever i need to feel good and set myself up for success w the next writing session and it feels kind of like basic advice but i seriously never gave specific focus to that and it's kinda life changing lol
#like i'll have specific goals like finish this story draft or write this many words finish this scene/chapter etc#but if i dont feel like i can make that happen i try not to see it as a failure and just reroute it into#okay what do i need to do to make sure i get closer to that tomorrow#or will make it easiest for me to get back into it tomorrow/what will set me up for success tomorrow#actually v clearly focusing on THAT instead of focusing on what i DIDNT do right now makes the whole#thing feel easier overall AND makes me feel like i can actually continue to get closer to Finishing The Thing#and i make it very tangible like how much do i need to write that also accommodates my abilities today. or do i just need to write a quick#outline or just the first line etc#i dont think im gonna finish this micro first draft tonight so i thought what can i do that will help ensure i (hopefully) can tomorrow#and it was just write all the lines that are in my brain out on the page. like no matter what i can do that n i probably can do more#like i have specific goals and self imposed deadlines so im trying to get things done by certain times but giving myself grace with it so i#dont burn myself out in the process#also trying to plan in advance so i never Have to do something By The Next Day that i dont think i can do#this is what helped me finish my dissertation LOL#i realised it was far more beneficial to not force myself over my limits for that day but set myself up for success the next day#i would be like “i need to do this but i know it will be easier to do it with a refreshed mind tomorrow”#and i kept thinking “getting a good nights sleep will help me more tomorrow than forcing myself to write/edit more”#“so i have less to do tomorrow”. like okay maybe id have less to do but id also have less brain power bc i overexerted myself!#which then turned into okay what else can i do to ensure success tomorrow etc#like im tired tonight! my brain isnt working! but i know i can do things that will make me more motivated to write tomorrow#and that in itself is a success. no failure in writing as long as you are taking care of and helping yourself#instead of isolating every writing session into a single Okay How Much Can I Do Today#but acknowledging how a string of writing sessions work together. some have more production some dont#and working with that
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