#gonna cook smth real fast

[kaoharu]

HOME FINALLY

[underoospeterparker]

hi hi! could i ask for prompts 8 and 22 with JJ pretty pretty please? like the reader would have a bad relationship with like an ex or smth and JJ would comfort them and alllll... take care xx

your wish is my command ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

tw: CHOKING, bruises, abuse, mentions of past abuse, hurt reader

"i'm so glad you brought me here, jj," you said quietly, a pink flush coating your cheeks.

your boyfriend smiled, amused at your shyness even though you'd been dating for a while now. he'd brought you to a beachside italian restaurant for your date, and it was gorgeous, and that was an understatement. fairy light adorned the outside of the little cafe, small beanbags were scattered around the beach, and people were using campfires to cook s'mores and whatnot. it felt like home, for some reason.

jj brought you back to the present moment, saying, "i'm happy you like it so much." he got up from his seat slowly, as if he didn't want to leave. making his way over to you, he pressed a light kiss on your forehead. "i’m jus' gonna use the bathroom real quick, okay?"

you nodded in response, arching your neck to look at him. you gave him a peck on his lips, which he returned gladly. he reluctantly pulled back, murmuring, "be right back, princess."

he started walking towards the restroom, disappearing from your line of view. sighing lightly, you took another sip of your drink. you were so happy. and it was so nice to feel happy. 

your thoughts were rudely interrupted by the sharp creaking of boots making their way over to you. you knew those footsteps. breathing growing faster, you tried desperately to get air into your lungs. calm down. it can't be him, you told yourself. turning around slightly, you glanced around the room, and sure enough, it was him.

in an attempt to not let him see you, you turned around too fast, and your drink spilled all over your new dress. tears spiked in your eyes, and you tried your best to keep from crying as you used your napkin to blot the mess you'd made.

but your ex boyfriend had noticed. with all the commotion, you'd forgotten he was there. you turned around once more to apologise to the waitress, and you'd accidentally made eye contact.

your eyes filled with fear, and his filled with hatred. you looked away automatically, but it was no use: he was on his way to you now. 

fidgeting with your purse, you acted like you didn’t know he was standing there, right above you, trying to catch your gaze. when you continued to ignore him, he grabbed you wrist, tugging hard. you flinched, turning your eyes finally to meet his. 

“hey, pretty girl,” he murmured, fingers clutching your wrist tightly. he pressed down, forming a bruise that made your eyes water. “haven’t seen you in a while, have i?”

you tried to pull your hand away, squirming as far away as you could from his touch. he leaned down, breathing down your neck. “let’s go outside,” he said. 

you shook your head, then whispered, “no.” 

a devious glint lit in his eyes. “i’m sorry, i wasn’t asking.” 

you got up from your chair, pulling your arm away from his tightening grasp. “i don’t want to go anywhere with you,” you said angrily. 

the glint turned angry as he pushed you against the wall, hard enough that your head banged against it. you blinked up at him, and he looked down at you with nothing but hatred in his eyes. you were somewhere in the resteraunt that was deserted, and it was nearly impossible for anyone to find you in this dark corner. 

he wrapped a hand around your throat, squeezing until you were gasping for air, helplessly pleading for him to let go in a desperate attempt to get oxygen into your lungs. 

your eyes rolled back into your head, and you heard someone yell, “what the fuck are you doing?” the tight grip around your neck loosened before it was pulled away entirely, and you fell to your knees in relief, inhaling as much air as possible. 

jj was holding the man down, yelling at a waiter to call the police. his grip on the man tightened, but his attention turned towards you, his priority above everything else. he called for someone else to hold him down, gratefully thanking them as he made his way to you as fast as possible.

you collapsed into his arms, face pressed against his chest as you kept trying to take deep breaths. “it’s okay,” he murmured into your hair. “i’m here now. not going to let anyone hurt you, i promise.”

tears threatened to spill from your eyes as you slightly pulled away from your boyfriend. he looked at you, eyes filled with only concern and love as he murmured, “you don’t have to be strong all the time, okay, sweetheart?” he paused, then added, “not around me.”

you let out a half-suppressed sob as jj pulled you back into the comfort of his chest. “let it all out, baby. i’m right here.”

when you were ready, he helped you lean against his side, eyes glancing and darkening at the bruise that was starting to form around your throat. you self-consciously touched it until he pulled your hand away, ever so gentle with you. 

“he’s not gonna touch you, okay?” jj said, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “i’m going to take care of you, and then i’m gonna take care of him.”

you sniffled, dabbing at your eyes with the sleeve of your dress. “you know you don’t have to do that for me, right?” 

“i want to.” he paused, then continued. “wanna make sure you’re safe, always. above everything else.”

“i love you,” you whispered into the quiet of the night, into his arms. 

he smiled then, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “i love you too, sweetie.”

[sillymapache]

Matphen hcs 2 bc I need joyous yaoi

- Both are CUDDLERS, They literally have their arms around each other as much as they can, Matt especially, he loves how Stephen feels and how warm he is. They’re both very touch starved and always fall asleep holding each other

- After they get more comfortable with each other, Stephen is actually the huge romantic, he always gives Matt a flower or smth (maybe with a note taped to it), he leaves notes around for him to find and always goes all out on Valentine’s Day or his birthday. He’s actually the one who gives the most kisses bc he likes seeing how surprised and giddy Matt gets

- Matthew likes showing off to him, always trying to look cool and kinda brags abt himself. He’s always flirting with Stephen but if Stephen does it back he folds immediately

- Stephen insists on doing the cooking and cleaning himself but Matt always joins

- Stephen likes watching Matt apply his eyeliner and stuff and Matt will be like “why are you looking at me like that…” and Stephen is like “Wdym 🥰”

- Matt likes watching Stephen try on outfits or do anything in general, Stephen is like “why are you staring at me so much” and Matt is like “I’m liking the view” or something corny like that. He’s corny af

- Stephen has no idea why Matt finds him attractive, everytime Matt calls him handsome or hot he’s like “????? I think you need to start using both eyes to see bc I don’t understand” and Matt is like 😐…

- They try to teach other different phrases in their languages (Stephen is Mexican to me)

- They get a dog or cat eventually and Matt is like “I’m not gonna get attached” then starts acting like the pet is his child after a week

- They say “bye” to each other like 4 times until they actually part ways

- Even though Matt talks the most out of them, when they cuddle or smth he can stay quiet for like an hour bc he enjoys the moment so much

- Stephen surprised Matt once by getting Matt’s name printed on his hat and Matt folded real fast

Idc if these are out of character or whatever, I need joyous yaoi and they’re basically my ocs now bc my Stephen looks nothing like canon Stephen

Hoping Matphen nation will grow if I keep being ill and cringe abt it 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[svturn-exe]

some stuff abt my favorite iredeemable freak ^_^ uhhhhh some general warnings . lots of talk abt murder (he's a slasher it is what it is) some mention of/implied child abuse, vague reference to cannibalism, white man jumpscare

how kenny goes from revenge killing his abuser to just straight up serial killing:

▶kenny kills his old man & gets away with it

▶he wants to relive that moment of finally feeling like he had power over his father, but he's not a necromancer. so he goes for the next best thing: finding an older man to kill pov you are my dad (you're my dad) boogie woogie woogie style

▶eventually (after a couple more kills or smth) kenny is like man if im gonna keep this up and not get caught i have got to find a way to get them somewhere out of public (this is prob b4 he learns the art of breaking and entering)

▶kenny switches to primarily targeting older married men. because he needs to get his victims to go somewhere secluded and out of the way with him, and whats the one thing a young, pretty guy can offer older, unhappily married men that will get them to go somewhere alone with him in secret?

▶eventually through whatever means kenny has the realization that oh. this isn't limited to just dirty old men. i just Like Killing In General, and just about Anybody will follow you just about anywhere if you're cute enough and they think ur gonna let them hit ▶kenny officially enters his 'he should NOT be at the club' era

the mess kenny's trial causes:

▶the people living in foxhole are generally very frustrated with the police. aside from more general acab reasons, public opinion of the police department is very low bc there are so many murders/missing persons cases and no answers or any real progress being made. general consensus is that the police are incompetent (real and true tbh).

▶kenny's trial doesn't help the police salvage their image. he doesn't refute any of the allegations made against him, freely admitting to any murder they pin on him - and to be fair. he did commit a good amount of them. he also just as freely admits when he doesn't remember committing specific murders, but still goes 'yeah i probably did that' anyway, bc he isn't aware of vivian's existence yet ▶for his part, kenny doesn't care enough to dispute the crimes he Didn't commit. and hey, for all he knows? maybe he does sometimes just black out and eat people in the woods. genuinely weirder shit has happened to him ▶ken phoenix is sentenced to death. somehow it gets out to the public that ken was not conclusively deemed fit to stand trial, but was tried anyway. some believe kenny wasn't a murderer, and was in fact just a very, Very mentally ill man, sparking public outrage over the police's incompetence. but like, no guys. they actually got it right this time. it's just that there is a second freak out there

▶normally, death row inmates can be there for years, up to literal decades. kenny's execution was fast tracked - so many people have been dying/going missing & the police need a win. they want this guy dead asap so they can tell the public look! we got the guy he's dead the day is saved and we're definitely not incompetent :)smile . but then the killings continue, even though ken phoenix is (legally) dead

▶him going from trial to sentencing to death row to lethal injection so quickly contributes to public outrage, alongside the killings continuing even after kenny is "killed." the public's fuck-the-police meter is at an all time high, and there's a secret third freak looking to take advantage of that sentiment (hi simon ^_^)

other shit:

▶ken is vain in a very smug way. he knows he's got a cute face and uses it for evil ▶kenny's burns were definitely a lot more extensive when they were fresh, bc kiera and cindy Trapped him in a locked room in that house before lighting it the fuck up. and after a certain point the house just collapses and buries him in on-fire wood, and he just cooks in there for a bit b4 vivian comes along and picks him up by the scruff out of the smoldering wreckage ▶for a while, until they start to heal, kenny is just wiped the fuck out on whatever surface vivian dumps him on. bc existing hurts and he's in desperate need of aloe vera ▶kenny is 12 when his mother is murdered, 19 when he kills his father, and by the time he's arrested and put on trial, he's 23 and in his 2nd year of college. he's almost exactly 10 years younger than vivian ▶ken's pupils are stuck at maximum dilation, but his eyes are so dark it's normally impossible to tell. if a uv light is shined on his eyes, however, the thin rings of his irides can be seen. but good luck getting him to keep his eyes open long enough to see - his eyes are very sensitive to light, despite being so dark. this also contributes to him becoming mostly nocturnal after the lethal injection ▶your greatest self defense weapon against kenny is one of those super laser blast industrial flashlights. or one of those stupid strong laser pointers that can get you arrested if you shine them at an airplane. shine that shit in his eyes and sprint for your life ▶ken is very pale, has a far slower-than-average heart rate, runs cold, and doesn't blink very often. if need be, he can play a very convincing corpse ▶hypothetically, if somewhere who were, say, extra sensitive to psychic & supernatural phenomena were to come into direct contact with whatever it is that's keeping kenny alive and everybody's problem. it would not end well ▶after kenny is put to death, from a forensic standpoint, they have no fucking idea what's going on. the leading theory is that the real killer stole ken's corpse from the morgue and is dragging him around on a tour-de-stab to mock the police. in reality, that weasely twink just woke up in the morgue and walked out ▶during the sentencing hearing, as the judge is giving justification for why kenny's sentence is what it is, they make a comment along of lines of 'i would not be surprised if he had assisted his father in his mother's killing.' this pisses kenny the fuck off, and he attempts to get at the judge and kill them right then and there. he's cuffed down, but cuffs don't mean much to a guy who cares more about throttling you until you neck snaps than he does about not breaking his own wrists. ▶the first thing kenny does after he gets vivian to sew him back up and let him out the cabin is he's tracking down that fucking judge that Dared to imply he'd kill his mom and Obliterating them. bro is gonna turn them into a human jigsaw puzzle it's so over

[builtlikeastickofcelery]

I BROKE. TIME TO INFODUMP

FIRSTLY: this is mostly based off of 2012 with some rise influence.

In this au splinter is absent for most of their early lives due to him believing his kids would be safer without the foot targeting him (i promise there’s a plot to this but for now its gonna be silly). And since theres gonna be a plot thats about it ! Oh also they met april at 11 yrs old I think and Casey just a little bit before the story starts

ANWAY HAVE SOME BULLET POINTS

Casey tries to do their own facial piercings

The piercings almost always get infected

They have to go to donnie for help

April wears her iconic hat to hide her dark roots (shes not a real ginger!!)

Leo is technically the second-oldest they just have a complex

the turtles steal most of their food

April goes to a bouldering gym and can scale buildings

Casey plays roller derby

donnie is the oldest despite the fact that they’re all 15

None of them could cook until the age of 12

They all play dnd passionately

donnie is the oldest because he said he scientifically proved (lied) it and everyone else called dibs on who would be next oldest (raph and Leo agreed to tie)

now take some character blurb thingies that go by age

April: april is 16 and has a driver’s license (could technically be a junior in hs but she’s not), shes very cool and accidentally went ginger at some point then just decided she liked it?? No one knows. They go to a lot LOT of concerts and also rock climbs and she loves women. Also a drummer in a band called smth that i will figure out later. Definitely takes a lot of responsibility for the wellbeing of the turtles due to their situation but like subtly. they for sure got their own issues but chooses to ignore em a lot of the time. Only child (lameee)

Donnie: hes 15 and pretends hes biologically the oldest (he is not they’re all the same age). he made all the blueprints for the lair once it was decided it was too small. hes very good at stealing stuff which is how he gets most of his materials, learned how to hack into ATMS a while ago but thinks it’s morally wrong (only used in desperate measures). Doesn’t mind not being the leader since he knows his claims of being the oldest are total bs but definitely adopted an oldest child mentality. Keeps a lot of problems a secret from his “younger” brothers and mostly talks to april about it. Extremely silly. Main doctor but also very squeamish specifically about bones (not broken bones, just the concept). Purple everything. He has access to every one of his sibling’s internet accounts he just doesn’t tell them about it. Also the main cook, since he would try and read whatever books they could find in dumpsters, especially when they were kids. Shares leo’s space interests less because of a show and more because of science stuff. Didn’t like Casey at first but they got close super fast later on. He is the best thief out of all of them (shhhh).

Casey: also 15, in april’s grade. Knows april from Spanish tutoring despite the fact they’re latine (haha if im violently whiteified my little guys have to be too) very into punk subculture and roller derby and also engineering/mechanics (I’m very excited to show off his vigilante equipment). Constantly does dumb shit for no apparent reason. Very much similar to 2012 casey (says “thats so metal dudes” anytime anything horrifying/dangerous happens). They also have had weird unspoken tension with everyone completely by accident and cant stop falling off of buildings. They have zero fighting skills or training but somehow haven’t died yet. Missing one tooth, top of the mouth next to his right canine (replaced with a glow-in-the-dark plastic one don’t ask them how it stays in).

Leo: 15, self-proclaimed second oldest and leader. (they have a complex probably) they’re only the leader because [HAHAHAHA PLOT AND BACKSTORY] and everyone else just stuck with it. They try very very hard to be silly and goofy but are also constantly anxious, not specifically about their siblings but like in general. Very very hesitant, prefers stealth (and stupid jokes) to direct confrontation. very close with raph since they’re “twins” (all of them are the same age). Intense sci-fi/space obsession, they’ve watched every single episode of their world’s equivalent to Star Trek (and all the movies) and also had a huge nonfiction phase which is still ongoing, fueled by stolen textbooks and endless internet videos . They also write fanfiction (secretly and make fun of other people who do to throw off their siblings it doesn’t work at all). They are so so lame and i love them so much.

Raph: 15, also second oldest, very very overprotective but like low-key about it. Super close with april and leo. Does all the confrontation and has accidentally been confused to be the leader of the team (CONSTANTLY ends up in hostage situations to the point it’s almost funny). ALLERGIC to Feelings he will Die if he has to talk about things so he mostly vents by tearing up his room and then feeling bad abt it. Made donnie help him find leo’s fanfics and then swore him to secrecy forever. Very distrustful, secretly super artsy, weirdly obsessed with messing with ppls hair (probably because he is surrounded by bald ppl). Also secretly a fashion icon, he has a disguise specifically so he can go to the mall with april and look at clothes for fun. He is physically the strongest out of everyone and has a really bad habit of using himself as their meat shield. Accidentally very very silly dude.

Mikey: 15 the Absolute Youngest by request. He is objectively the best fighter but is constantly being sidetracked by his siblings taking hits/taking out enemies for him (look theyre all just Like That). Really really smart when in a crisis, but for some reason not in a low pressure situation. She tries to cook but ultimately prefers baking. He’s also good at building things, so he usually hangs out with donnie in his workshop and made a lot of the lair’s furniture though he somehow can’t build anything from ikea. Also knows about leo’s fanfic career and accepted a bribe of a hubcap chandelier (?) to not tell anyone. Leo never made him a chandelier but at this point she has completely forgotten about it. Is secretly a beta reader for the fics and pretends she doesn’t know leo, except for when he describes very very distinct details of their home as suggestions for a room or something. Will continue to do this until leo either has a nervous breakdown or realizes it’s him. 

PLEASE ASK ME MORE ABOUT HTESE GUYS IM BEGGING YOU AUGHGHGGH

[mcl38]

"talentless, winless drivers who haven't accomplished anything" WOOOOOW THE AUDACITY THESE PEOPLE HAVE IS LAUGHABLE. i think they're forgetting that their driver was the reason why mclaren lost fourth place in the constructor's championship. also oscar hasn't even raced in f1 yet, of course he's "winless" 😭 but if they really wanna go there, let's compare junior careers then, as if oscar doesn't have 3 championships back to back. ALSO, it wasn't lando or oscar who lost a seat in f1, and it most definitely wasn't them who the team literally preferred to pay millions to get rid of and replace with a rookie, instead of letting him drive for the team one more season. if i were a staniel i would start worrying about the fact that christian horner has said he doesn't plan on giving daniel a seat and i would leave mclaren alone.

i mean. im not gonna get mad abt smth someone paraphrased with a good deal of bias, which is why im not taking 'talentless' literally (although winless is just a fact, dont mind me crying in the corner abt sochi). i think the position daniel fans are in is complicated, where he was very much regarded as one of the most talented drivers on the grid or, by many people, the most talented championship-less driver around 2017, scoring top 3s in the wdc etc. and also i think a lot of daniel's talent was... flashy? bc of the way the red bull cars worked at the time, he got to be 'king of the late breakers' and 'lick the stamp and send it' etc bc the red bull, for all its flaws and for being the slowest of the big 3, allowed for a very visually impressive overtaking style

so u have a driver lauded by the media / dts / etc as exciting and talented and deserving of more, and then with some vague but quite possibly real team tensions at red bull he's suddenly demoted (well, he runs away) to a midfielder. ...and then he steps into a freak of a car that doesn't get along with him at all, with a young teammate who isn't visibly struggling at all. so then daniel fans have 1. the deja vu of a team 'mistreating' their fav and also 2. the cognitive dissonance of knowing their driver is talented but not seeing the proof. you can imagine why they're freaking out the way they are. that said, i think the best thing they could possibly do rn is.... just not keep up with mclaren. theyre allowed to feel the schadenfreude if (knock on wood) the mcl60 isn't fast, but i just Do Not Get why u would torture urself by watching the reveal of a team ur driver has cut ties with and expecting to see ur driver?? im picturing daniel stans watching the reveal like that clip of adam sandler going 'i'm waiting for them to play gangnam style'

for the record, as someone with deep checo sympathies, i think the idea that daniel is in contention for the red bull seat is just as ridiculous as the idea that mclaren are gonna do a best daniel dick jokes compilation for their reveal. that said ive never been able to predict the batshit decisions that horner and marko cook up in milton keynes so eh

[m1ckeyb3rry]

DHSHSH stop when you said emo the first thought in my head was that one emoji that was modified to have the emo bangs and then our local emo Rin but nooo I’m sure they all know you’re cooking! Fine wine takes time to age (i cringed a little saying this kinda cheesy but ykwim)

TRUE that’s why your plots and stories always slap…but yeah hmm the blue lock loophole is kinda hard….and yeah like we’ve mentioned before the only thing that comes to mind are the typical tropes of girl sneaks into bllk as a boy or becomes manager of bllk….i mean even the official game uses that premise of having the player become a newly hired analyst/manager for the players….but yeah hmmm im sure you’ll cook with something LOL

LMAOOO lovable witty assholes >>>> I like zantetsu a fair amount and he’s funny but yeah himbos aren’t exactly my type either oops

Yeah I cannot get over the uncle vibes either and it’s just reinforced by the stubble…ok but STOP THE AIKU BAROU IDEA IS TOO GOOD im crying the aikulations have me dying but he literally WOULD do that like “good ol barou-chan needs to blow off some steam…let’s get him a girl”

HAHA TY and yesss we’re basically the same person atp I’m sure any edit that’s been screened by you will be fire

I’m also kinda surprised I’ve seen a relative rise in Hiori fans as of late? Not just here but on different platforms like tiktok too…I guess I can’t be talking that much because it kinda includes me LMAOO I’ve always liked him and his blue coloring (I’m ngl a big part of it was just “oh I like that blue”) I will admit I think white butterfly did a good deal of conversion work on me too LOL him building the exact building hit me hard I had to go back and read and think like “wait…isn’t this the exact house description from earlier…” another genius take >>> but yeah LMAO his relatively recent switch up on his attitude on soccer brought in some fans too I think

LMAOOO SAE TACKLING HER TO PARALLEL HOW THEY FIRST MET SO REAL the idea has me laughing already…but literally if only more people had your brain cells like where is this characterization of him….the normal fanon him just seems so off to me ugh but we’ve had this convo before so I’ll spare you the rant again LOL but wait also i forgot that white butterfly and fwtkac were written back to back that was some really fast work too?? Considering fwtkac was pretty hefty too damn

LMAOO rin thinking that he’d be creepy reaching out asking for her address be instead deciding to actually go stalk her is such a rin way of thinking it’s hilarious

PERSONAL PROJECT OOOOOOOOO is this a secret project or is dropping hints allowed…will look forward to reading it either way though LOL

Maybe it was your subconscious rizz and the dude was gonna hit you up if you were a soccer fan and use that as a common interest /hj the way he just walks off after has me cackling though I feel like that’s such a stereotypical sports fan interaction HSGDJSHS I saw someone walking with a Manchester jacket once and was like omg manshine city LMAOO

ALSO CONGRATS ON 900 FOLLOWERS!!! 1k is gonna hit you real soon I can feel it…rightfully so after feeding the bllk community o7

- Karasu anon

LMAOOO in my rin era but not in terms of liking him just literally being him 😔✊🏻 /j no because sometimes it’s just that i can’t make myself write for a particular character at a given moment in time?? like rn you couldn’t PAY me to write for karasu (jk you def could pay me and i’d do it) even though i love him because i just am not motivated for him meanwhile i could probably spit out smth for like uhhh reo in a jiffy 😭 it’s so arbitrary which characters i want to write for at any given moment hence why i do some requests within a couple of days and others have been waiting for a while (plus like personal projects aka bfb get in the way too hence why i’m swearing off of them until i’m done the reqs currently in my inbox…only 9 to go 😰) so it’s not even a question of me taking my time w writing (reqs usually take 1-3 days for me to do) i’m just being #lazy about it…so nagi of me i fear 💔 BUT I AM GETTING BETTER I PROMISE I WILL FINISH THESE NINE SUPER SOON

i just love having my characters actually be active in the plot w goals and development ykwim and lowkey being a manager doesn’t rlly feel conducive to that because what genuine conflict is a manager facing FKSJSJKS especially compared to pomegranate ink y/n struggling w her family, her cursed technique, sukuna, AND her relationship w yuta 😭 but i’m sure the perfect au is out there that’s somewhat similar to bllk but has space for. yk. women

no because like zantstsu w his hair down and no glasses is soooo fine i 100% would go crazy for him if he was a little smarter but he is definitely a sweetheart to the max based on his egoist bible profile 🥹 so yeah i def respect zantetsu lovers but it’s not for me!! i’ll take his two besties tyvm 🫨

that is aiku’s FIRST thought too he’s not like “wow barou seems stressed maybe i should talk to him and make sure he’s doing alright” nope it’s straight to “yikes barou needs to feel the touch of a woman DESPERATELY or else he’s going to kill all of us and then himself” meanwhile niko is like 15 so he’s just going along w whatever because he doesn’t know better, lorenzo is in it for the vibes, aryu thinks reader x barou is so glam it becomes his otp, and tbh idgaf abt sendou but like he’s there too ig 😭 and the thing is it WORKS like one date w reader and barou is rejuvenated…literally a new man altogether

yes i’ve def seen a lot of hiori fans as of late!! although unfortunately my hobby of commenting horrendous takes on bllk dude bros’ videos means i mostly see them hating/comparing him to sae and charles 😭💔 but OMG no because i think the house thing actually makes me cry lowkey…the way he doesn’t know if she’ll ever come back to their hometown or if she’s single or if she even REMEMBERS him but he builds the house she used to dream of and waits there for her just in case she ever does return so no matter what she can at least see that he loved her the entire time too 😔 like hiori my pining green flag romantic goat ⁉️ NO miraverse love interest is doing it like him tbh (except peregrine nagi…he actually has white butterfly hiori beat i think it’s sickening how much that man loves reader we just haven’t gotten to the part of the story where that’s shown yet 😓)

hehe it’s so funny because i literally was working on white butterfly at night and it turned midnight to my birthday while i was writing it so i literally began my birthday writing a hiori fic 😭 so real of me though 😩 and yeah that’s what i mean when i’m actually motivated i’m SOO fast at writing (in 2021 i wrote a 173k word fic in abt a month) so there’s rlly no excuse for me to not have more of my reqs done 😵‍💫 anyways…seabird sae my king wish we had more content of him like that!! it probably won’t be from me though because sae isn’t super high on my priority list (he’s solid mid tier i’d say…in terms of personality though i will say he’s the superior itoshi bro even if rin is kinda better looking due to sae’s fuck ass haircut)

HEHE no it’s just the aiku wingman series not a secret at all!! so far i have ideas for the barou and otoya ones…i’m thinking i’ll definitely also do karasu and yukimiya, maybe do nagi and (gulp) possibly do sae HAHAHA the way that directly counteracts what i just said one paragraph ago 😓 but i think those characters make the most sense in terms of proximity/interactions/dynamics w aiku (except nagi actually i just want to write him because i love him)

LMAOOO no you’re def right i think he used soccer/the jersey as a way to talk to me without being too creepy but when i was obviously uninterested he had to dip rq 😔 classic mira x male chemical reaction…however if he’s not a blue locker i’m not interested 🥱🫣 it’s my goal in life to marry a famous soccer player i actually think that would be hilarious like imagine you just see me on tv in the stands being supportive (pretend yk my irl name and what i look like and whatnot) and you just have the knowledge that i wouldn’t even have met my husband or been interested in him if i didn’t watch a random soccer anime and become obsessed with a character that takes five second showers 😭

AHH THANK YOU i’m hoping to cook up smth fun for a 1k event that’s not just “ok requests are open knock yourselves out” like maybe i’ll do a theme to it?? idk we will see when we get there hehe but yeah lowkey it’s unbelievable that i have that many followers on here considering how little i post the content most of them must’ve actually followed me for (aka writing)

[cutemeat]

obsessed w the stuck in a drive thru episode idea. if u can expand on that please do, but at the very least i need to know what restaurant. is it mcdonald's? i think it would add a lot if it was mcdonald's. just my two cents tho.

OH YEAH I DEFINITELY WAS THINKIN MCDONALDS UR RIGHT ON TRACK BRO

Basically my whole pitch is that uh… Frank/Charlie become really obsessed with this coveted ‘secret menu item’ that Charlie told Frank about and they don’t have a working car atm cuz Charlie had to use one of the tires for something ‘personal’ (no he will not specify further) and last resort Frank agrees to pay Dee’s rent (utilities included) for the next five months if she drives them— she bargains with him for seven months and then they’re off! (Basically in my mind Waitress works at the bar by this point so she gets dragged along.. even tho they supposedly hire her to ‘tend bar while we’re gone’ cuz uh. Dee likes her company even if she won’t say that out loud hehe)

In the meantime, Mac and Dennis aren’t working that day… but Mac is hungry n says they should just go to McDonalds cuz its fast n thats what these places are for “times like this Dennis— when neither of us wanna cook, there’s no food, and we can’t wait for a real restaurant— this is literally a last resort, dude!” So Dennis gives in and they go…and of course they get there and the line is long n Dennis is like “uhh… no” but Mac insists “it’s gonna be fast Dennis!” But they wind up sitting there for like 2 hours LOL. But again since its macden alone in the car… its basically just that scene from The Cereal Defense (extended).. like we cut from Mac n Dennis harmonizing badly to frank n Charlie screaming at dee about smth LOL

[kaebedom-me]

HI!! NOT A REQ BUT IN MY LAST ASK U MENTIONED DAD FRIEND CH💍EYA AND MY BRAINROT HAS BEEN THERE SINCE MENTIONED IT PLS,,, THEM COOKING FOR U BC UR STRESSED (ALSO ROOMMATE AU W READER AS A PLATONIC FRIEND???) THE CH💍EYA THOUGHT TRAIN IS GOING SHANNA THANK U,, im v excited about them 💕💗💖 love u!! (yes i went to sleep) xoxo bun-non

YEEES BUNNON YEESS WELCOME TO THIS BRAINROT THIS IS CANON MY MODERN UNI CH💍EYA AU YOU GET FREE HCS FOR UNLOCKING THIS PIECE OF INFO IN MY HEAD

i love YOU BUNNON!!!! aaaaa thank you so much for this ask im really glad

Platonic reader being buds and roommates w ch💍eya!!!!!

This is further down the uni au timeline but ch💍eya eventually moves out of the uni dorm to somewhere in the city

And they have an extra space in their home and they were gonna use it for smth else but

You, you're out of luck because campus accommodation kicked you out and you're Tired™ of shitty assigned roommates

So dad friends ch💍eya offer you the room because they're just The fucking bEst

you wanna know how you them in the first place?? doesn’t matter!! i’ll tell you!!

you’re in the library studying and it’s p late but not very about 2am ish and prior to that the library was full-ish? like all the tables were taking so you went and sit with them because they sat side by side? and they seemed the nicest out of everyone

standard greeting, “can i sit here” “sure”, what not you’re doing your thing and it’s 2am you didnt even notice the library was empty now?

fucking childe and kaeya are playing footsies, they’re done studying but they don’t want to leave yet??

really they’ve been passing raunchy notes to each other for half an hour now and are waiting for everyone to leave so they just fuck there so they can add it to the list of places they fukt on campus

and you just want to study, you have shit due in 2 days, you’re Tired(TM)

you sigh, “just go fuck, i’ll look out”

and they did the audacity?? the bravery??? you can admire that 

they’re very nice and considerate because they kept real quiet to not disturb you?

when they come back you’re passed out on the table, so they drape your jacket over you and leave

there’s more plot, it’s great but i wont share them all because this is your free trial to this au, you have to request for more

so anyway fast forward you’re living w them now 

and they’re great for the most part but they’re so lovey dovey it’s so annoying 

like we get it you’re happy and inlove tf

but you love them tho they’re really good friends of yours and they care lot about you too

plays out exactly like the previous ask

it’s a great time! the bs y’all get into, them being great friends, the possibilities i tell you!!!!

[this-is-my-main-i-follow-from]

I already wrote this post, but I’m coming backk up to the top to put a cut bc it’s p long.

my brother is singing falsettos out loud & I’ve already had a stressful day bc I’ve done nothing (lack of structure & lack of productivity gives me really bad anxiety) & he’s either singing out of key & out of time, or it just sounds really bad without the music. He’s the only one who can hear the music bc HeadPhones. & also the falsettos is probably really bad for my mom bc she’s mad that dad left her, esp bc the house is a mess & stressing her out & she needs to go grocery shopping & he used to do that “but now he doesn’t because he stopped loving [her]”, so my bro singing fucking falsettos is really bad. I can’t cook supper bc I don’t have a recipe & the stuff is still frozen & idk what kind of dough I should make & besides the kitchen is a mess & he won’t fucking clean it. I mean it’s also partially my fault bc I’m a lazy adhd mofo, but it’s his job today & my job to cook. I need to get into the kitchen & cook before mom & my OTHER brother get home from shopping but I can’t bc he’s just drawing & singing & the singing is so annoying- I was trying to listen to a thing but I couldn’t fricking hear it bc adhd auditory processing disorders, it didn’t have fucking subtitles or anything & it was not great audio quality & I couldn’t differentiate between the words he was singing, & I couldn’t hear the quiet parts when they overlapped with his singing. I wasn’t going to write all of this I was just going to say that his singing makes me want to cut myself, but apparently there’s a lot more to it. also I don’t want to end up cooking while mom is home bc I don’t have any drawings on my arm & mom is fucking nosy & wants to see my scars so I have to work extra hard at hiding them but even with ppl who arent nosy, like my little bro I don’t like them out, but the longer my older bro sits there fucking yelling out of key, the longer I’m delayed & I won’t be able to cook. By this point, I won’t even be able to cook the meal I was planning on, I have so much shit to do I’ve missed so much & I’m so behind, but I’m so incapable of doing anything like i can’t do chores bc I use the excuse I have homework but I never fucking do my homework so I’m also behind in school & even with the stuff I like like dnd & writing & violin I can’t do, & I skipped online kung fu & I’ve been slacking off under so many excuses but I’m just being lazy & anxious & I also gained so much weight & it makes my body feel so bad & i know this isn’t my body’s happy weight & being fat makes my boobs bigger & I’m fucking trans & I hate them I even tried cutting them off myself & ended up waiting 15 hours to go to the hospital so that I wouldn’t make mom suspicious (& they put me through triage really fast bc apparently I did a lot of dammage- I was planning on giving myself stitches, but my icepack melted & I couldn’t numb my body anymore so they’re lucky I even went to the hospital, it was bad bc I had to walk 20 minutes either way weighted down with a fucking toolbox & I waited outside in the cold bc my phone died & thus:) mom found out anyways so I lied to her about going to buy drugs bc obv /that’s/ a better idea than telling her I went to the hospital & SHUT UP UNNAMED OLDER BROTHER ok he’s between songs now. If I told mom I went to the hospital she would ask why & be like “y didn’t u tell me” & “r u cutting urself again” & like yeah bitch I have been for a while ik the social worker said I should tell you a codeword, but I don’t do that bc u blame yourself or cry or want to talk about & I yes I fucking cut myself what of it? Yeah I tried fucking removing my own left breast, bc u arent’ supportive of medical transitioning, at least not when they’re ur kids. Ur mad at dad bc he got a tattoo bc it’s  body modification & thus uncatholic, but u’ll support ur catholic university friends gettin gtheir eldest daughter a reduction bc her boobs are big & painful- bitch what’s so different about me? I went so far as to try giving myself a reduction, you say you’re concerned about me mutilating my body & making bad decisions, but, you know what? because of this I have legitimately mutilated my body, & made a dangerous & bad decision. isn’t autosurgery proof that I need top surgery bc it’s a danger to my life if I don’t get it? The government is able to pay for it I think & bc it’s a danger to my health (& i get pain & I can’t work out & I get back pain & my skin pulls & hurts & if I jump my tissues yank my skin & it hurts & it puts so much strain on my back, & binding gives me pain, so I need a reduction as much as your catholic university friends’ daughter does) I should be abe to qualify. Even if I don’t qualify yet & have to wait two years, at least that would be the start of two years now instead of in a long time, I mean, mum, you say you want me to talk about it & you’re afraid I’m rushing into it? guess what? They are too! the healthcare system will make me do a bunch of shit to qualify, & tbh, I think that they are better qualified to talk to me about surgery & what I really want than you.  Fucking finally, I hope my brother is done his play & finally shuts up. TA MA DE FUCK NO HE’S STARTING AGAIN CROWS DAMN IT CROWS CROWS CROWS & MAGGOTS I”m not even gonna be able to make anythiung for supper & i have no ideas besides the long one which I don’t have time for anymore. fine. whatever. I’ll go SH in my room. I won’t even work on fanfic bc I’m too fucking adhd & broken. I fucking hate it when ppl say “we;re all a bit adhd” like no bitch shut the fuck up, we all struggle with the things adhd ppl struggle with sometimes, but adhd is a neurological condition that makes those struggles so commonplace & intense that it affects our everyday lives. & no. adhd does not mean we’re more creative. Even if we do have more likeliihood of coming up with funky ideas, most of us struggle to articulate them or understand them, or we forget them as soon as they come. you’re not adhd bc you’re a little more creative, youre just an ableist asshole & fuck you. adhd isn’t creativity its’ a fucking disability. I’m directing this at those fucking parents who have the lovely nd daughter who gave me a hug, but you two are motherfuckers. Yeah I get thaat adhd, once you learn how to mannage it, can be useful, & I understand that part of the reason this disability is so hard is bc society isn’t designed for it (like a lefty using right hand scissors), but ot’s still fuxking REAL & if you can’t deal with it yet, it 100% is a disanbility. OK? Ok. I had smth I was going to say earlier, but I got distracted by smth else that made me mad, so I never got around to it. Youo know what I love? I fucking love how tumblr has next to no character limit so I can just type as much as I want. You know what I don’t like? I’ll probably get deactivated by some SJW maggot-eaten crow-fucker who thinks that my rant& mentioning my failed ed & my self harm (oh fuck shut up, my brother is chanting “dumb”) so anyways some fucking sjw fuck-hole will report this post & my blog & I’ll be deactivated for simply getting angry on tumblr. It’s fucking tumblr! You used to be able to say whatever you needed to say! But now, esp us ppl w EDs, have no safe place to talk about our issues (at least, not w/o fear of gettin gterminated for “encouraging” EDs, when we’re just trying to help ourselves). Anywasy, sorry for all the swears & go se, I swear when I’m mad. I’m gonna go do smth, idk what. Can’t be anything productive, Can’t even be unproductive stuff I like, like watching youtubem, or smth cathartic like playing fiddle. I might just go & bleed a bit & ignore everything for a while. I nkow that the world will still be stressful when I get back, & I’ll still have to cook, & I’ll still be behind in school, & mom will still be broken-hearted over dad, but I’m feeling calmer just thinking about it so that’s what I’ll do. 

[floraisann]

ateez reaction: filming an asmr video with an asmrtist s/o

➣ requested? X

➣ genre: fluff(prolly not but we’ll go w it), humor

➣ masterlist

A/N: yeah this was made entirely bc i was thinking about seonghwa getting scared over the fact that he made a nice sound in his one asmr vid so,,,, yeah. enjoy! :)

❅♩♬♩❅――

❥ kim hongjoong

was iffy about the idea until he realized hey, the two of you could still make music, just much quieter

you’d probably film like,,,, asmr songwriting,,,,, where it’s just you two working silently on a song

in the beginning it’s really quiet, but you do get some sexy pencil/keyboard sounds 🥰💕

once he gets into the groove of things he’s very calm and focused, and that relaxing vibe transfers into the video

tries to do actual asmr triggers, but everything gains rhythm and before you know it heyyy this a pretty sick beat 😳

the song he ends up writing uses only asmr triggers for the instrumental along with very soft vocals, and bc this man lives and breathes music ITS A WHOLE BOP

10/10 content. would nap to again

❥ park seonghwa

could not find gifs of his asmr video smh but anyways seonghwa, we know ur hot already, we get it. pls calm down

kq sir where’s the seonghwa asmr series the people don’t just want it, the people NEED it

was ready for this since before he exited the womb

since this man is already a whole asmrtist you’d film something like that “asmr friend tries giving me tingles” video 

very excited by the expensive mic

“is this how you do it” except he really doesn’t have any reason to ask you, he already knows what he’s doing

gets REALLY shook whenever he makes a god sound

like remember the plastic wrap/facial mist moment he had in his own vid?? that x10

the video you post with him ends up your most viewed. not because of the emotional support kpop boy you got on the video, no it’s the extreme quality 

❥ jeong yunho

you guys would probably film SOMETHING with talking, maybe one of the asmr interviews w magazine does

except there’s a real asmrtist asking questions and a kpop boy to answer

REALLY good at soft spoken asmr. like the low rumble in his voice!?! mmm. 23/10 would tingle again

probably really good in general. like even if he doesn’t watch asmr normally will probably watch a number of videos before filming to make editing easier on you so the video is actually VERY GOOD

honestly he probably makes the best sounds in the video and you’re just like :o

“jeong yunho, where’d you learn how to do that” “👀 the nice russian lady on youtube”

overall a very relaxing experience

he’d probably end up filming w you again because of how smoothly it goes

well done jeong yunho

❥ kang yeosang

does not have the slightest clue what the fuck he’s doing but he’s already quiet and gentle so you wouldn’t be able to tell

the very definition of fake it til you make it!

anyways you’d also probably have to film a semi-crackhead video with him to keep him engaged

yk the crush on 9 fast tapping relay thing w his 3 friends? i imagine that but w yeosang

maybe not the same exact concept, but like you’d definitely make something with the same relaxed “just playing around w my friends :)” energy

that being said yeosang is a package deal. if you have yeosang, at least one other member will make an appearance

but he’ll make sure it’s at least not the chaos lord wooyoung

idk his humor’s kind of underrated but it would definitely show in smth like that

like he’d actually produce good content, but his bloopers would be so funny that you can’t remove them, you just quiet them

the people would want him back anyways so he’d get better with time

10/10 recommend this mans as an asmrtist kq where’s the ateez asmr-

❥ choi san

i was looking for a certain gif of him from the woosan tingle interview and i was unsuccessful but you know what? this is just as good if not better because SAN

a lil too psyched for this relaxation joint but issokay, he cute

y’all probably make some type of ear cleaning video bc remember how excited he was when they gave him the earpick 🥺 

very focused on sound quality

squeaks whenever he makes a somewhat unpleasant sound

gets shiber into the video as an object to make triggers with

probably gets tingles somewhere along the way and just giggles to himself. it’s a little loud but please don’t edit it out

can and will recite ateez intros/outros. like he’ll just be vibing petting shiber then suddenly he’s leaning into the mic and just

“the freezing winds may make us-” he starts shaking shiber to emphasize his point “-shiverrr”

and what can you do but smile when all that separates you from the only man ever is a binaural mic?

one of the members whose end video is actually super high quality

❥ song mingi

clueless. there are three question marks floating above his head at all times

like he’s actually trying, he’s just big and loud

follows you around like a lost puppy

tries VERY hard to copy whatever you do and it’s VERY cute

phases in and out of whispering but completely on accident, he’s lost

like yunho, actually has a nice soft speaking voice once he figures that shit out

cute smile when he’s actually producing good content

honestly tho for mingi to stay engaged you might have to play some sort of game 

the video would probably be one of those “guess the trigger” games

like the one co9 made w his one friend? yeah that

mingi would end up with the chicken toy though

you’d have a lot of bloopers bc he either hits something/talks too loud/laughs but it’s okay, we stan song mingi!! and you know he wasn’t nearly as bad as a certain sagi groupmate he has!!!!

❥ jeong wooyoung

my good nctzens, my fellow grass, you know the jsmr jeno filmed w jaemin that absolutely went to shit? that’s what you’re filming with wooyoung. 

he’s jaemin, obviously

you’re probably gonna film some type of cooking asmr so he’s not BREATHING DIRECTLY INTO THE MIC

PLEASE don’t bring the electric mixer PLEASE make him whisk the batter like a “real man”

you probably get a shot somewhere along the way of him tossing an ingredient wrapper into the stratosphere or several

will lean into the mic to bring up a random tmi he remembered, all while breathing VERY heavily “ATINY DO YOU WANNA HEAR MY YOSHI IMPRESSION”

when he does that too he probably phases in and out of whispering in his excitement. your ears? wasted. 

probably whisper yells too

the video ends up really short because wooyoung is too chaotic for this type of thing. record a normal cooking video with him next time, please.

❥ choi jongho

actually relaxed, even gets the art of not breathing at the mic down very quickly and picks up filming tricks along the way

but since he’s still part of the chaos line you’d film something like the gibi/marno/goodnight moon collabs.

50% asmr misc. roleplay, 50% comedy film

an apple would make its way into the video YES he’ll break it

but far enough from the the mic that it doesn’t break you ears

and mr jongho is the master of keeping a straight face. the one pulling the stupid shit would be both of you, but ALL your noise cuts would be because YOU laughed, not him

maybe if you two had a brain this would’ve been the most successful endeavor but nope y’all take “no thoughts, head empty” way too seriously for that to happen

anyways stan choi jongho, aka my fav grocery store

❅♩♬♩❅――

[ultimatecryptid]

tagged by my new mutual em @donghyeuck wwoww

rules: tag 9 people whom you’d like to get to know better/catch up with.

last song: glad you came by the wanted babeyyyyy! ive been listening to my nostalgia playlist which is full of bangers

last movie: GREAT question. i dont watch movies very often (we love a broke attention span) so it mightve been truth or dare back in?? august??

currently reading: i read multiple books at a time, very slowly, because of the aforementioned attention span. Rn ive got:

Lighthousekeeping by Jeanette Winterson

The Collected Schizophrenias: Essays by Esmé Weijun Wang

The Mercies by Kiran Millwood Hargrave

Inside/Outside: Six Plays From Palestine and the Disapora compiled/edited by Naomi Wallace and Ismail Khalidi (which currently my favorite)

currently watching: uhhhh i started watching hunter x hunter the other day but i zoned out real fast,,, thats on me im gonna try again later

craving: oh fuck dude like everything. Ive been doing all my own cooking and i CAN cook but like,,,, other people cook better. Id die for muscles or fish n chips or smth like that,,,,, Salt,,,,,, lemon,,,,, vinegar,,,,,

tagging @makotokyoqoku @ezrathings @dentpx @disablederaserhead @bruharvey @souldagger @bullscye @positive-polygons @lesbianladyblackhawk

[oasisprngsmoved-blog]

125 questions about me

i was tagged by @surreysimmer and @oasisable, lov u guys. the point of the tag is to create a simself w your traits and answer the questions!

i tag: @brndletonbae @vvindenburg and anyone else who hasnt done it yet!

my traits are dog lover, geek and hot-headed!

125 questions below the cut

1. what is your name? taylah

2. what is your nickname? tay

3. birthday? aug 30 1998

4. what is your favorite book series? the illuminae files by amie kaufman and jay kristoff

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts? yessss

6. who is your favorite author? neal shusterman

7. what is your favorite radio station? i only use apple music

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything? raspberry flavour mhm

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? incredible

10. what is your current favorite song? i literally have no idea

11. what is your favorite word? no clue

12. what was the last song you listened to? i can hear my mother listening to abba downstairs

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch? brooklyn nine nine

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? mr beans holiday

15. do you play video games? yeeee, lately ive been playing detroit become human, the new spiderman game and gta v :-) 

16. what is your biggest fear? CLOWNS

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion? im really empathetic 

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion? i can be an asshole

9. do you like cats or dogs better? dogs

20. what is your favorite season? winter

21. are you in a relationship? no

22. what is something you miss from your childhood? my dad,,,,,

23. who is your best friend? jacqui + kelsey and also jills + haley

24. what is your eye color? hazel

25. what is your hair color? black

26. who is someone you love? my dog

27. who is someone you trust? see q.23

28. who is someone you think about often? my dad

29. are you currently excited about/for something? christmas

30. what is your biggest obsession? i develop fixations real fast u could ask me my biggest obsession and itll change in 2 days

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child? probably zoey-101 or smth like that

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? bold of q.32 to assume i trust people

33. are you superstitious? yeah

34. do you have any unusual phobias? broken glass

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind

36. what is your favorite hobby? watch netflix, game, work kkfbcuaajl

37. what was the last book you read? sadie by courtney summers

38. what was the last movie you watched? bohemian rhapsody

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any? none

40. what is your favorite animal? dogs, sloths and sharks

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow? i cant narrow things down im indecisive

42. what superpower do you wish you had? invisibility

43. when and where do you feel most at peace? when i knock tf out and finally sleep kwbaubfdl but also when im home alone

44. what makes you smile? when someone laughs at my dumb jokes

45. what sports do you play, if any? this is so funny

46. what is your favorite drink? vanilla coke

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? no clue

48. are you afraid of heights? kind of

49. what is your biggest pet peeve? when people dont listen

50. have you ever been to a concert? yeah 

51. are you vegan/vegetarian? no but i want to be

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? hotel manager

53. what fictional world would you like to live in? harry potter lmao

54. what is something you worry about? everything!!!!!

55. are you scared of the dark? not really

56. do you like to sing? like to yes, but i cant sing

57. have you ever skipped school? yes and i skip uni all the time im depressed

58. what is your favorite place on the planet? my bed

59. where would you like to live? anywhere but australia

60. do you have any pets? i have a fifi!! (a dog... she was gonna be in the photos with my simself but her breed isnt in the game so sad)

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunsets

63. do you know how to drive? yes

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones? i call them earphones so no clue what the difference is

65. have you ever had braces? no

66. what is your favorite genre of music? literally anything

67. who is your hero? no clue

68. do you read comic books? i read graphic novels but not comic books

69. what makes you the most angry? rude people!!!!!

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? both im not bothered

71. what is your favorite subject in school? rn i love my social science classes

72. do you have any siblings? 4 brothers 2 sisters

73. what was the last thing you bought? gta v

74. how tall are you? 5′4 / 163cm

75. can you cook? yeah

76. what are three things that you love? my friends, my family, my dog

77. what are three things that you hate? stress, rude opinionated people, people who ignore what you say

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends? female friends i dont talk to men besides my brother and my boss

79. what is your sexual orientation? lmaoooooooooo no idea atm ha

80. where do you currently live? australia

81. who was the last person you texted? sam

82. when was the last time you cried? the other night larbnlcbadj

83. who is your favorite youtuber? how ridiculous

84. do you like to take selfies? not really

85. what is your favorite app? tumblr

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like? pretty good but my mums a taurus so shes stubborn af

87. what is your favorite foreign accent? french

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? everywhere im stuck in the bottom of the globe someone save me

89. what is your favorite number? 7

90. can you juggle? no

91. are you religious? no

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? space!!! but both are interesting tbh

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? no

94. are you allergic to anything? no but im lactose intolerant

95. can you curl your tongue? yes

96. can you wiggle your ears? no

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something? no im also stubborn af

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach? neither

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? someone, the other day, told me im young with relatively little life experiences and that struggling with myself is okay and to not worry about the future idk this makes no sense with 0 context to what we were talking about but it helped a lot.

100. are you a good liar? depends i can tell my boss im sick and i cant work when im Depressed^tm just fine but i cant lie to a friend

101. what is your hogwarts house? slytherin

102. do you talk to yourself? yes rip

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert? bitta both

104. do you keep a journal/diary? i have a priv twitter acc where only 2 people follow me and i act like its my journal so close enough

105. do you believe in second chances? depends on the circumstances

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? turn it in

107. do you believe that people are capable of change? again depends

108. are you ticklish? oh yes

109. have you ever been on a plane? yes

110. do you have any piercings? i have my ears done twice, my helix and my nose

111. what fictional character do you wish was real? cress from tlc

112. do you have any tattoos? no

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? deciding to go to uni

114. do you believe in karma? yeee

115. do you wear glasses or contacts? glasses, contacts freak me out

116. do you want children? no, if i were to have kids id wanna adopt

117. who is the smartest person you know? no idea

118. what is your most embarrassing memory? anything from 2015/2016

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter? yes

120. what colour are most of you clothes? black and grey

121. do you like adventures? depends

122. have you ever been on tv? no

123. how old are you? 20

124. what is your favorite movie quote? the gone girl monologue i wont quote it because its a SPOILER but its my fav

125. sweet or savory? sweet

[jinships-ideas]

BTS Run 51 - The Jin Harem

Let’s Boom Boom Pow, Gonna Get Get~

Let’s Get It!

polite hands Jinmin~

Ft. Frog bros + Shiba Bros

Chim tried to low-key reach for Jin’s arms as he complained about having to be on the Pirate ship alone

(he puts his hand down though)

JK: I now have 2 pairs of eyes but I shall choose to remain blind to this bullshit Tae: Really? In front of my salad?

Once upon a time, in the land of Bangtan Forest,

Shiba!Joon attempts to get the attention of Bunny!Jin

Shiba!Joon is backed up by his fellow Shiba Bros (wingman)

Meanwhile, Bunny!Jin, a beloved entity of the forest is protected by his animal friends, Bunny!Chim and Froggy!Tae and Froggy!Jk

Tae: You dare thread on our land and ask for the hand of our hyung? Bark on bitch. JK: This isn’t our land but yea. Bark on insolent bitch Chim: PFFT HE THINKS HE IS WORTHY?! WHAT A JOKE Yoongs: Man you guys are so mean. Why can’t we just be friends? Hobi: I think it’s cos our bro wants to bone their bro... so yea...

Of course, Jin HAD TO pat JK on the shoulder after winning

JK: You won and all you give me is a pat? AT LEAST GROPE ME OR SMTH FFS Tae: Froggy me just wants to enjoy my salad in peace... Why do I have to suffer?

Bunny!Jinmin holding hands at their victory~

Ft. Shiba!Joon’s head

HAHHAHAHA

Bunny!Jin coming on TOO STRONGLY for Chim

He fcking wanted to do a special handshake (that involves bodily contact/headbutting) with Chim but got rejected

Tae: *regretting everything he has done to have to endure this flirtation shit happening around him* JK:  내가 웃는게 웃는게 아니야 (I’m not really laughing)

The uncanny love between a frog(who looks suspiciously like a bunny) and a bunny

JK: Hi, we just met but I know what we are going to name our 3rd pet

Touchy Jin strikes again!

This time’s target: Tae!

Jin: You know... I can touch more than just your eyes... I can do so much...more Tae: ...WHY TF DID I FIND THAT HOT DESPITE HOW CREEPY IT WAS?!!

Bangtan Forest’s animals all love their personal space

EXCEPT for JINKOOK

Surprised? NOT REALLY

Gotta get get Boom Boom Pow?

MORE LIKE GOTTA GET GET CLOSE TO JIN

IDEK wtf they were doing

I’ll just assume its a mating dance Froggies in Bangtan!Forest do to attract a mate

JK’s hand lightly bumps into Jin who was walking away from his mating ritual

HAPPY BUBS 2SEOK 

THEIR SQUISHY CHEEKS

*INCOHERENT SCREAMS*

Mirrors Yoonjin~

ISTG they are too fcking adorable it’s illegal

SHIBA!JOON MAKES A MOVE!!!

HE GOES FOR THE WORLDWIDE BUNNY!JIN’s SHOULDER!

AND JINNIE LIKED IT

HE LIKED IT A LOT

Namjin being physically close is a mood

Jin DESERVED that skinship for his BRILLIANT LION KING GAG

SUPER TINY

BUT Tae went for a chill high-5 with Jinnie~

But of course, our eagle eyes SEE EVERYTHING

Jinnie patting Tae’s arm to praise him for the good job he did at the game~

(IF ONLY WE HAD A FOCUSED SHOT OF TAEJIN)

(BTS+ DON’T DISAPPOINT US PLEASE)

Their matching expressions

WHy does it look like they were both deeply traumatized by the sight before them?

(It was only Tae, Jk, Yoongs and Hobi on the opposite side...)

Probably in shock from the overwhelmingly cute visual before them

Ft. Jinnie cheering Hobi on despite being on opposing team~

WE LOVE A FAMILY

THE DIFFERENCE IN THEIR EXPRESSIONS

Frogs: *ENJOYING LIFE, ENJOYING SHIBAs’ SUFFERING* Shibas: *SUFFERING*

Joon: *FRUSTRATED AF* Jin: *HAPPY AF*

THE FCKING CONTRAST XD

SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE THEM

Jinnie patting Hobi on the back after Hobi’s spirit flew away and his mind shut down

(THE SHUTTING DOWN SOUND EFFECT WAS PERFECT)

Why did I get some Romeo and Juliet vibe from this angle and shot?

Except it's between 2 Bunnies and their fates cross due to a pirate ship that threatens their life

Joonie laughing at Jin’s mistake

Despite the height they are at, they will still be the goofs that tease each other 

This just makes me think of Namjin going on a date in LotteWorld

T^T I WANT MORE SHOTS LIKE THIS WHERE JIN IS JUST WALKING AROUND THE AMUSEMENT PARK WITH HIS MEMBERS IN THE BTS+ 

Jinkook + Namjin mirrors~

Joonie and Hobi paying attention to Jinnie~

FT. Flower pose Yoongs looking adorable AF

Shiba Bros being mesmerised by Bunny!Jin and his gum

Jin is a gummy bunny

WHY ARE THEY SO ADORABLE?!!

HOW DARE THEY

Let’s just pretend Jinmin are on a date

Ft. Shiba!Joon

Let’s ALSO pretend Jinnie wrapped his arms around Chim during the ride

BackHug Jinmin is A++

Jinmin High-5 at their success~

Jin didn’t even look XD

Ft. Yoongs leaning his Shiba self close to Jin and Jinleaning towards Yoongs to let him see better

ALSO ft. Jealousy, thy name is JK

Chim and Joonie’s hand...

I wonder what childish thing Jinkook did that got edited out was...

Jin DEF did smth and JK saw and pointed it out

Let’s hope BTS+ comes through

Awww soft Jinkook with Jin leaning into JK

Jk looks so much taller than Jin here 

:’)))

Namjin eye contact~

Jinnie’s habit of reaching out for someone to hold when in shock~

The cam zoomed so that Namjin was out of frame after this but I’m 70% sure Joonie had a skinship moment with Jin after this shot...

:<

We are banking on BTS+ so much this post...

GAHHH The way they look at each other right before the ride

I AM SOFT FOR THIS SOFT PAIR OF BUBS

The way Chim tells Jin he was very afraid and Jin just telling him to focus on memorising so that he would feel less scared

:’))

The way they light up at hearing Jin’s screams XD 

Tae: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GUYS ARE ENJOYING JIN HYUNG’S SUFFERING. PIECES OF SHIT.

Jinmin: *shouting loud AF*

JK: *Imitates Jin’s scream* Hobi: *Enjoying the imitation* Joon: I’m stuck with children (*literally wearing a fcking Shiba headpiece*) Yoongs: How tf will I survive this? Tae: I wonder if Hyung is ok... I should have been there beside him...

Jinnie cooly apologises for messing up and pats Chim’s back and leaves just like that

XD 

THIS MAN IS UNREAL

Jin: Imma just leave...Bye. Chim: WTF just happened? Joonie: PICK ME PLEASE HYUNG! Hobi: HE LEFT YOU HOE! JK: Good choice! Tae: I PROUD OF YOU MANN Yoongs: That’s right that’s right.

AWW Chim patting and stroking Jin’s back consoling him despite them failing the game

:’)))

Soft Jinmin is KILLING us

This text wasn’t subbed for some reason But I’ll translate it for y’all~

Text: The oldest hyung who is riding with a scared Hobi

Jinnie rode it again for the sake of accompanying a scared Hobi

T^T

2Seok is pure 

*Ugly sobbing*

Jinnie enjoys while Hobi screams in fear

Jin was also nice enough to give warnings to Hobi for scary parts so he can prepare himself 

Hobi: I feel like I just got punched Jin: ...Sorry...I punched you... WITH LOVE~

I just have to point out how Tae was rapping Cypher pt.4 (Yoongi’s part I believe) just to distract them 

JK speed talked REAL fast too BUT I HAVE 0 CLUE WHAT HE SAID COS IT WAS WAY TOO FAST

Chim putting his hand around those Worldwide Shoulders in the background~

A different angle of the Jinmin moment~

The Bunnies are trying to claim the cake for themselves!

Chim using Jinnie’s headband to mark their property XD

SUCH CHILDREN

They can literally afford any technology out there but they are being fcking amazed by a ramen cooker...

XD I can’t with these easily-amused and awed fools

Ft. Jin leaning his whole body on Chim

Tae leaning against Jinnie and using the chance to wrap his arm around Jin 

Ft. Chim being CRUSHED

XD

Tae+Jin+Hobi/JK(?) using the Ramen Cooker 

Of course they would want to use it and try it out

These are children we are talking about

XD 

Also, I’ve tried using this once when I was in Korea near the Han River, It’s really cool that they have a fcking machine that cooks packet ramen when you don’t have a stove! But the place where all the machines are (at Han River) is messy and dirty af cos of all the seasoning and litter that people leave around...

Still, a very cool experience that I recommend people who go to Korea try!

That’s all for this week’s post!

Hope you guys enjoyed~

Until Next time~

[velteris]

I've been following you for a really long time and this is the first time I've ever wanted to ask you a question. But why would you go camping alone without any light? That's just a really dumb thing to do...

(in ref to my tags here im pretty sure)

gather round, dear followers, for a series of anecdotes from Hell Camp, the source of my best and worst stories

when i was twelve my school sent all its year nine students class by class to a five-week camp, which will henceforth be called Hell Camp. here is the setup:

a four-hour drive out of the city into the outback, where there is a farm owned by the school for the express purpose of hosting Hell Camp

28 girls and 28 boys, each in their own dorm houses

no phones. no computers, no ipods, no TV. no internet (within our reach). we cooked our own food on fire stoves and wrote letters by hand to our parents and friends

no lollies, no soft drinks or juice, all our eggs and milk came off the farm

wake up at 5:30am every day to go for a 3km run and then chores on the farm, from milking the cows to chopping our firewood

Bible study every night because this was a Christian private school

“why???” u may ask. “why did your school subject tweens to a month of this???” supposedly to build character and teach u life skills but tbh idk how knowing how to crack a bullwhip is supposed to help me in life

but it wasnt just five weeks straight of same ol farm life there were other activities they had us do!! camp-like activities!! for example:

Pre-Survival

three days to prepare us because we were innocent younglings who barely knew how to start a fire

basically a campsite in the middle of fuckass nowhere? we rode horses there while the counselors (the Hell Camp resident teachers, but ones that deadlift 50kgs and kill spiders without batting an eye) drove with our bags and stuff and laughed as we got inevitably lost

have u ever used a dunny u have to empty urself

it is so gross. there is a field marked out explicitly for burying everyone’s shit, and u have to take turns. so gross. 

there was a shower which was a metal shed with a bucket of water hung up, which u heated over the fire before u went in and prayed it wasn’t too hot

this was like winter time and we slept in swags on the ground and when we woke up there was frost on our swags

i made an iron horseshoe??? the temptation to touch red hot metal is ridiculous tbh it looks so pretty

someone did touch theirs. it was not me. i heard them yell from across the field where i was helping feed horses.

in the middle of the second night the counselors took us to a giant rock in the middle of the bush where u could see the stars and it was amazing you could see the milky way and everything… but the thing was we had to spend the previous 20 minutes in the dark to get our eyes used to it so they had us hold onto each other’s sleeves and walk blindly into this rugged, rock-covered trail through pitch blackness, praying no one in front is going the wrong way

and then. the counselors played a trick on us by getting one of the kids to stay back in the forest and waited to see how long we’d notice. we didn’t notice until it was time to go back im so sorry Kimmy

Survival

ok this the real shit you went with the same group you were with in pre-survival and the counselors drove you out into the depths of the outback and dropped you and your group off with some tools, food, and tarpauline

and then u just lived out there for three days.

we couldn’t start a fire our first night because it’d been raining before??? our dinner was supposed to be rice, potatoes and carrots, and the carrots were the only edible thing bc u cant eat raw rice and raw potatoes.. u just cant.

there were wild dogs around. we never saw them, but we heard them awoo-ing a lot. so whenever someone split off from the main camp to go pee like two other girls would accompany them as an honor guard, singing Kumbaya to keep the hounds away

sometimes people would go alone and then there would be a Sound in the bush and then you’d just hear them screaming “MAMA’S MAKING KAN TONG”

on our last day the counselors set up targets with drawings of kangaroos on them, handed us a bow and 20 arrows, and said “if u can shoot the kangaroo we’ll give u sausages for your last meal”

never in my life will i ever see such ferocity from 12- to 13-year-old hungry girls again

when it was another group’s turn to be on survival, my group was on normal farm duty, and we were out clearing bush scrub when we heard the survival group girls talking and we realised we’d gotten too close.

“hello?? hello??? is anyone out there?” “oh my god someone’s out there oh my god we’re gonna die” “COME OUT, WE HAVE WEAPONS”

THIS WAS A LIE. WE KNEW DAMN WELL THEY HAD THE SAME THINGS AS US AND THOSE THINGS WERE TWO SHOVELS AND A HEAVY DUTY CLIPPER.

and our fucking counselor just went “shhh!!” to us and herded us back like he just straight up left those nine girls thinking there were bush serial killers out for them

also apparently a tree fell on someone’s head at some point in their survival

at night we slept in a row like snuggling each other cause it was So Fracking Cold and lemme tell u it’s an experience being spooned by the girl who used to sigh whenever you raised your hand in class

Four Day Hike

what it says on the label

55km in four days, carrying all your food, sleeping bags, tents, clothes, toilet paper etc. and minimum 2L of water bottles you could refill at big barrels set out at designated stop points

this is, without a doubt, the single worst experience of my life

nothing good happens when u hand a group of kids a map and a compass and tell them “we’ll look for you if you’re not at the campsite by sundown but apart from that you’re on your own”

i was with an athletic group of kids?? they were Walking So Fast and i was just staggering along with my unfit friend like this is how i die on a godforsaken hill on our way to god knows where

actually i had an asthma attack and they left me behind for a bit fun times

the hike went through some willing farmers’ land and one boy who stupidly climbed a fence got chased by a bull

they sent us off group by group so we’d all make our own way, so whenever u bumped into another group you were like. okay one of us was going the wrong way and it better fucking well be you

there weren’t any showers or anything so we basically all wore the same clothes for four disgustingly sweaty days of hiking

someone used an anthill as a toilet bc it had a nice big hole to drop ur toilet paper down

the ants did not appreciate this

when you run out of toilet paper and it’s only 11am

Solo

this was it. the culmination of the camp. the ultimate character building experience.

which was just 24 hours of alternating boredom and sudden visceral terror now that i think about it

u got dropped off (again in the middle of nowhere see a theme yet) with tarp, a lil trowel, and a clipper, and u just set up camp and did whatever u wanted for 24 hours

they let u bring a bible.

i got really into Leviticus and Deutoronomy before it went dark

listen it was really really boring ok

AND HERE IT IS THE BIT WHERE I DIDN’T HAVE LIGHT WHILE CAMPING ALONE

listen when the sun goes down at 5pm, u go down too. there’s nothing else u can do?? u just gotta sleep???

or, like me, lie awake in mortal terror listening to the bush Come Alive

when the wallaby goes THUMP-THUMP-THUMP and you’re like holy shit this is it the abominable loch ness chupycabra has manifested in the australian outback and it’s going to eat me alive jesus christ protect me with the power of this bible

hence the sheer relief when the sun finally comes out and u can walk around without living in fear of accidentally walking face first into a spiderweb or scratchy lantana bushes

also a mini survey went around afterwards and i’m pretty sure a solid 60% of the girls took a shit on solo like… at long last u can take as long in the toilet as u want… without the other 27 girls banging on the door……

other miscellaneous stories that dont fit anywhere else:

one of the boys went missing?? he wandered off and couldn’t remember anything when they found him in the middle of the bush. cryptic

there was this one homesick girl who was REALLY homesick like she cried every day of the five weeks. by the end of the camp she’d approached everyone to talk about her Feelings and you’d just kind of groan softly when u saw her coming towards your bunk bc u knew u were in for a hopeless comforting session

on sundays sometimes we went to the nearby town’s elderly home to talk to the old folks and some of us could play music so we did little performances for them which was rly sweet!

there were lambs on the farm!! we named them Uggboot and i think Fleece Jacket or smth like that

there were cows too!! meat cows!! they were Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner

my first time on cow milking duty i tried to herd the bull towards the milking pens bc i did not realise he was not a cow. i quickly realised when he took very fast steps towards me and i Got The Dodge Out Of There

we spit roasted an entire pig for the final feast before we left and i will never forget it. the first time in my life i had crackling. half the group was weak in the knees cause we saw the pig get slaughtered and the other half was just “sweet, more for me”

whenever the new fruit delivery came in and the hunger games commenced in the kitchen… tween girls are actually ravenous wolves u heard it here first folks

when u going to the bathroom in the bush and u feel something touch your butt… is it a stray hair? is it a piece of grass? is it a bug??? who knows but nothing makes your bowels loosen faster

the unholy horror of finding spiders wherever you least expect it

ANTS IN THE SUGAR

“I saw Goody Proctor with the devil leaving the cupboard open for the ants!!!”

honestly so many things happened at Hell Camp that i can’t remember most of them anymore and it Rankles Me bc i know there were so many wild stories but here you go. some of the wildest ones.

11/10 went back to Hell Camp voluntarily once, would go back again again.

[marsupial-tapir]

okay ANIMORPHS cooking headcanons, who can follow a recipe, who doesnt understand portion control, who sets pasta on fire

wow what a surprise i cannot believe u have requested this

take 3 on the cooking headcanons. U ASKED FOR IT

marco: remember how whenmarco was 11 his mum died and his dad fell into a major depressive episode andmarco unofficially became his own sole carer for 2 years? HA good times wellmarco knows how to cook. thats how he’s alive. he never viewed the task withmuch enthusiasm bc it was just like,, something that needed to be done,, (atleast some of the time. obviously 2 in 5 days it was just m&ms for dinner)and he’s got all his skills from trial-and-error and from watching the terribledaytime cooking shows that his dad watches, so he’s not an Artiste™ but hispractical skills are off the wall. he can make a shockingly palatable meal outof nothing but convenience-store canned items, jake’s lunch leftovers, andgently-expired condiments. also he is a MASTER when it comes to Secret KitchenTricks (many of which were cannily passed down to him by a forward-thinking evabefore she disappeared). the only person who knows about these talents this iscassie. one time he called her and she was like “im SORRY marco im distractedby this bacon disaster, i just put the olive oil in and its all going wrong”and marco’s like “well duh there’s your first problem. you dont FRY withOLIVE OIL cassie. thats why it SMOKES. use rice bran oil like the rest of us”and cassies like ???????? she never tells anyone bc she realises hes lowkeyembarrassed by the fact that he’s developed this as an Adaptive Survival skill,and when hes a kid he plays it down like nbd, but later on when he getsolder he starts to milk this talent for all it’s worth. hes like hang on…. thisshit is VALUABLE. that’s when his true culinary talents can blossom

jake: uworded this “who sets pasta on fire regularly” and my response to that is thatone (1) time jake did Not set the pasta on fire and it made marco cry realtears of joy. listen jake tries So Hard (because, in the spirit of being theUltimate Straight Ally Dadfriend and an All Round Decent Fella, he’s lowkeyaware of his existence as a straight white guy and makes well-meaning attemptsto avoid hypermasculinic douchebaggery in domestic life. also he’s probablythat disgustingly wholesome Hey Mom Do You Need Some Help In The Kitchen kindof kid) but when he tries its just. so bad. oh my god its so bad. he’s onlyever tried like 3 ultra-basic Good Ol Classic American meals and every time hedoes its a crime against his culinary heritage. his brownies come out lopsided,, he putswildly incorrect ingredient volumes in,, he confuses salt for sugar,, somehownever manages to stir the cake mix properly,, tries to do taste tests like “i thinkit tastes ok??” no it doesnt jake this gravy tastes like toxic waste,, withoutfail lets something catch on fire while he’s squinting at the recipe trying tofigure out which step he was up to,,, its a mess. his family suffers through itnevertheless because they are Heroes. “t-tastess – gre at,, llittleb uddy”pre-yeerk tom says once, with tears of anguish streaming from his eyes

rachel: terriblecooking is a berenson gene and if rachel had survived the war marco’s talk showwould have included a nailbiting Reality TV segment where contestants sample amystery berenson dish and have to race to identify the Cousin of Origin beforefood poisoning sets in. this segment would have been discontinued after the 3rdhospitalisation and a food safety inquiry. in essence rachel is as terrible asjake but also worse because the constant failure pisses her off so much thatall of her concoctions are brewed with a terrible bitter malice. Fuck You,Pasta. You Deserve to Burn. also i think at some point in the series itmentions taht rachel tried being a vegetarian and i choose to believe this istrue and also that it is the point where things go from worst to worster.eventually even she has to admit she’s never gonna manage it and resorts tolike. deep-frying entire zucchinis or something

tobias: uknow what?? im gonna say Not Terrible?? tobias is pretty creative and lbr idoubt his neglectful ass relatives were gonna cook for him. he probably pickedup some stuff from recipe books bc he liked reading through them (listen i cantcook for shit but even i get a kick out of lookin at food books bc goddamn??the aesthetic?? plus tobias was a book kid in general so) also if we’re runningwith the autistic tobias concept (its Canon, folks) i like the idea that as ahuman tobias couldve been hypersensitive esp. to tastes, so he was pretty goodat noticing when two flavours clashed and figuring out what stuff to puttogether to avoid that. (obviously he cant do this as a hawk but sometimes hewatches ax’s food choices and the twist of primal horror he experiences is acomforting reminder that some vestiges of his humanity remain). HOWEVER by thesame token he also doesnt strike me as the sort of Organised Efficient personwho’d be a really productive cooker. i might be self-projecting here but like,,have u ever tried to string together a series of practical tasks into an organisedsequence while in the kitchen,,, theres like 80 bowls and justt too manyutensils and timers goin off and u forgot to put the herbs in and u ran out ofbench space so u gotta try start washign up at the same time but meanwhile ugotta Coordinate all the cooking stuff really fast so u dont poison urself orstart a fire and then u lose focus zonin out thinkin about smth else u alreadymessed up the order of actions sso do u start again or just eat the garbage or??? look cooking is hard and i feel like tobias gets that. he’s ok at it intheory but his application is shit. also hes a bird

cassie: idsay she’s not a natural culinary prodigy but with lots of patient practiceshe’s become pretty decent. im not sure if its canon but for some reason imconvinced her dad is a really good cook?? meanwhile her mum is approachingberenson-level bad and DESPISES it. hooooo boy. (she and rachel bond overthis). this means her dad enlists cassie as Head Kitchen Assistant and teachesher the ropes, and she really quite enjoys it? preparing a meal is simple andpractical and instantly-gratifying in a way thats really calming, and she likesbeing able to spend time with her dad. also not to be sappy but one time theyhave rachel over for dinner and cassie and her dad are helping each other stirthe pot on the stove while her mum and rachel viciously chop vegetables andtoss carrot tops at them from across the kitchen as a protest against beingrelegated to washing-up duty, and afterwards cassie tries to make brownies but burnsthem atrociously and they gotta pick through the charred remains to find ediblebits and rachel says “HA who’s top of the Poisons Authority Watchlist now??…dont answer that” and thats. a really good night. cassie holds on to that. ALSOafter the war cassie pretends she’s a way worse cook than she actually is soshe has an excuse to invite marco over to “”help her”” and get him doingsomething different. he never admits that it helps but she knows fromexperience it does

ax: HOOO BOY HERE COMES THE WILDCARD. i was torn betweensaying “theres an intergalactic petition to establish a restraining orderbetween ax and Every Kitchen” and “he is a culinary TREASURE” but u knowwhat?? porque no los dos. ax around food is an unrestrained force of nature. this is a canonical fact. he gathers his flavours from the world around him (literally from the entire world around him, and from under him, and sometimes from the gutter to his left) AND im gonna say that despite his unconventional pantry choices hes actually,, not too bad at making flavours Work. unfortunately since he never has to occupy a human body for longer than 2 hours he has never had to work around the concept of “”food poisoning”” and his talents would have gone to tragic waste,, had marco not stepped in to save the day. with the help of marco’s PRACTICALITY and his handy snippets of earth advice like “the alfoil is aUTENSIL not an INGREDIENT what the FUCK AX how are u even CHEWING THAT” ax’s raw talent is skilfully tamed. together they areunstoppable. They take out several team cooking shows on network tv,once because ax famously used the kitchen’s set props as a garnish. Ax probablybriefly invests in a popup restaurant for the fun of it and meets with roaringcritical success before it is gently shut down by the well-meaning andhighly-entertained food safety authorities, on account of his questionableingredient choices. Notable exchanges in the restaurant’s brief andspectacular history include the food connoisseur who located ax personally toimplore “what is this…. subtle twist of flavour? the acidic flare that tinglesin the throat and warms the belly to its deepest crevice? please aximili, umust reveal what mystery ingredient is responsible for this luxuriant gustatorysensation” “its helicopter fuel”