#gonna be uploading more from this project soon :3

[mister-carnival]

E C H O

[sisville-v11]

todays the 1 year anniversary of techdogs release, and god. i cant believe its been a year now dude

ive definitely talked about the impact this album left on me here before, but i think i need to like. actually elaborate on that, because techdog had a paw in what would end up being a complete life restructure i went through earlier this year that fundamentally changed the core of who i was. for this post, though, i wanna talk more specifically about techdog itself and what was going through my mind as the parts were dropping & immediately afterwards rather than its aftermath of what it did to me. this is probs gonna be a long post so best to put this read more here (update from future me after i finished this post: i was right its extremely long)

so prior to techdogs release, i already had some familiarity with patricias work cause a friend of mine introduced me to her stuff, and at the time i thought her songs were... pretty cool! i think it was rosa, daylight spectrum, and visiting narcissa i listened to sometimes before this, but it wasnt often and i was still knee-deep in my c418 fixation so she wasnt what i would consider a favorite artist of mine at that time. enter techdog.

i saw she had just uploaded TECHDOG 1, and saw her pinned comment saying it was a 4-part project shed been working on since 2022, and that shed be uploading each new part every day. cool! took a listen through it, thought it was a neat lil collection of tracks but i didnt think too much about it then, it sorta came and went for me.

the next day came and TECHDOG 2 dropped. much like techdog 1, i these tracks sorta came and went for me though i did like them a bit more than techdog 1's, outside of the first one which i found super catchy. i did notice at the time it was a bit longer than techdog 1, but didnt think much of it then.

new day, new techdog. TECHDOG 3 dropped, and it was here that i started noticing the trend of each part being about 20 minutes longer than the last. something else i immediately noticed here is that this album sounded a lot more mature than the first two, but couldnt pin down why exactly i thought that at the time. regardless, i enjoyed it notably more than the first two techdogs.

then TECHDOG 4 dropped and god DAMN was this a good-ass album, at the time it was easily my favorite of the TECHDOGs and also my new favorite album of hers, i absolutely love skillful use of repetition in music and i felt every song in 4 executed it perfectly, so many of the songs in here stick out in my mind even today (especially big mention to tracks 1 and 10... and again just about all the other tracks in here theyre all kickass). so that was that, the techdog series was concluded and she mentioned she would be uploading the compilation of all 4 albums the next day, which i was immediately planning to listen through the entirety of again and i was very much looking forward to it.

and then shit got real.

when shit gets real

TECHDOG 5 dropped to my COMPLETE and utter surprise and it threw me so off guard that i had literally no idea what would be in store with this one. i re-listened to some of techdog 4 to get myself warmed back up before jumping back in and... i was not ready for the tone shift. the pure emotion of these songs. GEGTGEGHGETECETHTOTHCHDHCOCDCODODOD literally sounds like an anxiety attack perfectly translated from emotion into song. SO MANY of these songs are perfect transcriptions of raw negative emotion put into song form, i dont know how the fuck she did that. and the entire progression of the album sounds like youre being pulled deeper, deeper into the negativity and fear and pain and turmoil of your mind, by the time you get to the last track its clear theres no way youre seeing the light anytime soon, only the growing darkness awaits.

(context for those that dont know: excursions is the c418 album that completely reshaped the way i thought about music back in 2020 and my brain latched onto his music extremely hard as a result. and then i realized that was happening again with techdog)

so uh. i think its suffice to say that i was locked in when it came to hearing this series out til the end. and i didnt have long to wait for continuing it, as TECHDOG 6 would drop the next day.

i saw it drop in the morning, and its description immediately stuck with me - "Feeling pain." the feeling of pain being translated into music was something where i had NO clue at all how she couldve possibly executed it, and its something i found myself pondering the entire day until i finally listened to it in the evening. i already wasnt feeling great that day, so i think what happened next only exasperated my emotions further while listening to it.

pain. pain its all pain. of course musical pain would be noise. of course it would sound like garbled noise thats what pain FEELS LIKE. the onslaught of static garble was so intense that i had to take off my headphones and listen to the album through my laptop speakers. for the rest of the albums duration i was just laying on my bed and, letting my ears absorb the musical onslaught this album was bringing forth.

techdog 6 isnt my favorite of the techdogs, but i think its extremely impressive how, once again, patricia was out here translating pure emotion to sound almost to a tee; its pretty clear to me that all of the tracks here emphasize different types of pain one would go through. the first few tracks focus more on physical pain, the type of searing physical pain you'd feel from being horribly beaten up, while the rest sound more akin to mental pain, bubbling mental anguish from being depressed, feeling like a failure because you cant do what comes so easily to others, or... other similarly horrible mental health episodes. both very different types of pain but still unbearable to go through all the same. DODTDODHDODTOGOTOHTETHTGHCHGHEGCGEGCECECEC sounds like desperately trying to convince yourself youre okay when you absolutely arent and youre spiraling about it in a manic state. DEDGDEDCDEDGEOEGECGHGCGOCTCOCHOTOHOTHTHTHT is terrifying, terrifying beyond what my vocabulary can adequately describe it as, the absolute rock bottom that leaves you feeling broken beyond all repair, that there's no way you're escaping this, youre trapped in the pits of hell as the leviathans swarm around you until you finally relent and you need to just give up now.

until... the final track happens. GEGCGEGHGEGCEDECEHCOCHCDHTHDHODTDODTOTOTOT happens.

i was not ready for this song to sound like that. to hit like that. a song so harsh yet so beautiful, blasting tiny rays of sun down through the roaring sea of pain for you to grasp onto and try to free yourself from the pits. a release. its the only song thats ever made me ugly sob, and for 20 minutes at that, its so inexplicably powerful. guys this is still the most beautiful song ive ever heard in my life, i still think this a year after it hit me for the first time. for all techdog relistens after this, i needed to forbid myself from relistening to this song unless i was doing an entire album runthrough from the start, or at least the entirety of the dark side portions, because this is the type of experience you cant ruin with overexposure. this is the type of song you only get the pleasure of experiencing once in a blue moon. likely even less often than that. its just- god. god damn. i cant believe it. i cant believe this song exists

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the dust clears and TECHDOG 7 reveals itself the next day. patricia made it a point to say that this one was the true final part in the techdog series. i didnt even know if we would get a techdog 7... how the hell could you follow up that last song? in what way are you able to do that?

...with drone, i found out.

i remember i was confused when i first started playing 7 because i heard nothing coming through my headphones at all - thats intentional, as i soon found out. it starts out with nothing, and each track slowly but surely brings things back into focus, back to reality as the hollowness left from the aftermath of the pain starts to be replaced with regular emotion again. different emotion than before, but still, better than emptiness. i dont have much to say about OCOTOCODOCOTOCECTCDCTHTDTETDGDEDHDEGEHEGEHGHGHGHG specifically, as i feel it speaks for itself, but i did want to highlight the way techdog 7s tone changes after this because i find it really, really interesting.

the way GEGTGEGHGEGTGECETEHETOTHTCTHDHCHOHCDCOCDCODODODOD sounds so desolate, as you start desperately screaming into the void harder and harder hoping to hear a response back. the way DODTDODHDODTDOGOTOHOTETHTGTHCHGHEHGCGEGCGECECECEC sounds like trying to process the loss of a version of yourself you never thought would leave, the way THTCTHTOTHTCTHDHCHOHCECOCDCOGODOEODGDEDGDEGEGEGEG sounds like dusting off the rubble and finally accepting that this is the way it is. (some of) the stages of grief on full display here.

but, just in case there is anything left... the 2nd-to-last track, DEDGDEDCDEDGDEOEGECEGHGCGOGCTCOCHCOTOHOTOHTHTHTHT is one last journey through reliving all the past trauma in hopes of finding something, anything from beforehand before calling it quits for good, yet coming up empty handed and being like fine ill let it go, ready to accept the circumstances and move on, try to rebuild yourself with what you do have. this was another song that i had to like... stop what i was doing, and fixate my full attention on everything happening in the song. it was too intense to ignore.

as was the final track of the techdog series, GEGCGEGHGEGCGEDECEHECOCHCDCHTHDHOHDTDODTDOTOTOTOT. a song that absorbed me for the last 30 minutes of its runtime, my entire being felt synergized with the energy this song brought with it until... suddenly, its gone. its over. and i had no idea what the hell i just experienced.

...

even now, i dont really know how to describe what happened after i finished techdog. i barely remember it, its all kind of a blur.

one thing i do specifically remember is that i tried remixing a song from techdog a couple days after i finished the series, and eventually scrapped it after it got a ways in production because uhhh... dude i slowly realized that i couldnt make music anymore. at all. techdog had set the standard of music in my brain so high that i would not be able to make any new songs i was proud of until i buckled myself down and figured out how to stop playing bab songs on my fisher price keyboard and start making some real shit. there was a path my music was taking shortly before techdog did what it did to me, and that IMMEDIATELY got terminated and hard branched elsewhere because i realized oh my god, that type of music i was making sucks actually and i need to get better right now before i make anything thats worth showing people again. and thats how it took 8 months for my confidence in making music to come back, after i sat down, learned some new plugins, and learned how to make crazy shit.

...i sorta lost focus a bit there oop. but yeah, techdog still holds such a special place in my heart and its so often that ill still revisit some of the songs cause they go hard as fuck. especially those from 4, 5, and 7, theres some songs in there that i absolutely adore. if i had to rank my enjoyment of each album nowadays casual-listening wise it would probably go 4 = 5 = 7 >> 6 > 1 > 3 > 2. i think theyre all great, its mostly just a vibes thing for me that has me preferring some over others.

i dont know how to end this big ass mini essay i wrote about my time experiencing techdog after saying all those things i did about it. so uhhhh... i guess thats it. maybe ill attach a wip of that scrapped techdog remix in a reblog just so it sees the light of day at all? idk

...ok yea im ending this post now

[kirnet]

actium update sunday

yeah it's been a hot minute since I did this!! Actium has currently released 112 pages (not including covers and other illustrations), which mostly shows poor pacing and a lack of experience on my end lol, but is also an accomplishment! i am almost done with chap 3, i just have one more update to release for that... which is unfortunately in the sketching phase still. whoops.

speaking of massive page counts being a symptom of poor planning lol, i am currently rewriting a lot of the future chapters i have planned, with special attention to chap 4. chap 4 introduces the main conflict that every character going forward will be competing for, and so i need to make sure it's solid, that i have no possible questions or vagueness about it. other than that, i'm rescripting a lot of things, cutting down on page counts and learning to use my panels more effectively. this is something that i will continue to get better and better at the more i do it, so i'm okay with the fact that it will probably change in the future as well.

to be completely honest, i was really throwing myself into a wall trying to rewrite, just getting stuck because i was so attached to certain sequences and ideas. i've finally gotten over that, and a part of that was changing the way i thought about actium's story structure! actium was always going to have three acts, but my problem was that i was looking at them as three acts of one "book," so to speak, and thus the structure wasn't really working. actium is big, it has a lot of ground to cover (a lot that i should cut probably lol), and thus the 3 act structure was leaving me treading water in some places... so i just changed it from 3 "acts" to three "books"! Thinking of actium as a trilogy honestly helped me slot a lot of my puzzle pieces into place? no idea why, but it's given me a clearer idea of that i want to accomplish going forward. it will all be released under one account and such, i'm not splitting it up other than mentally.

actium was always going to be an amateur passion project, something i love and embrace. it will show my flaws as a writer and artist (to an almost unbearable degree lol), but the only way for me to ever do or get better at anything is to dive in head first. I've learned a lot already from these 112 pages, and I know that it will just continue to get better and better as I go on. but, of course, making sure that my foundation is solid and fixing up my outline now will really help with that.

in terms of uploading, it will happen when it happens lol. im job hunting for a second job unfortunately rn, so my time will just be what it is. i might start uploading just the lined uncolored pages on patreon when i finish them, or i'll just put all my pages on patreon until i have enough of a chapter's backlog to start releasing them publicly. in terms of the website, it is still down, i just need to dedicate the time to rebuilding it off of wix, and i've been more focused on creating the actual pages to learn neocities or wherever i'm gonna host it. it's all very messy lol

as always tysm to everyone who reads it!! you all mean the world to me <3 i 'm spending the entirety of my day today (fingers crossed) on writing and editing, so I hope to have this phase wrapped up soon!

[seariii]

Fkn Kasumin made me cry bruh

This song doesn't have the right to hit me like that dude wth

.... But.... Sigh....

I wanna be able to shine that brightly too.... There must be some apps that can help.... But the buzzing is annoying and I'd have to work around that....

What were the first steps again...? Um.... Right The banner and the watermark.... Which don't have to be too difficult....

I think my earbuds aren't up for the job tho.... I could check the mic again now that I know it's not itself but the area I live at...

In any case maybe directly my phone could work too...

.... I wonder what would've happened if I had continued all those years ago... I was too scared heh.... But... It's okay, maybe not ideal and maybe much more difficult but.... A girl can dream and can try...

Heh this is gonna be silly, and I've talked about it without much specifications but... I wanna open a YouTube channel and upload covers. My dream... Maybe silly, maybe dumb, but I want my voice to be heard and to reach people's hearts... I love music, I love happy songs, sad songs, songs that don't fit my person jajajaja... Songs are a way to experience the world around you, and sometimes experience stuff from someone else's pov, experience stuff and thoughts you wouldn't normally have... It's beautiful... And... I dream with being able to convey many feelings through my voice and make people resonate with them...

I think it's silly, I compare it with wanting to be an idol heh but... It's important to me... I can't be too mad at the little me that stopped this journey tho. She was young, didn't have any aspirations, goals nor dreams.... I remember when she played pokemon BW, and N asked if we had a dream... It was such a heavy moment for me. We stared at the screen for more than 10 minutes, crying, noticing I couldn't see anything, I didn't hope for anything... And when I pressed No, N said something like "how could someone without dreams even understand me?" And it made me feel even worse.... But... At the end, when N says goodbye... When I've grown even more attaches to him, when I don't want to see him go.... He told me to find that dream and make it reality... Actually heh i looked up the quote "Dream your dream! Then, pursue the ideals to make that dream a reality, and someday you will achieve all that you dreamed of! [...]"

.... After all this years, I finally dreamt that dream like he told me to.... I will... I want to shine and I want to pursue that dream! Even if nothing will come out of it, even if it only reaches 1 person... I still want to try...

I've been saying that for a while now hah but my executive dysfunction and my depression get the worst of me hehe... But... With how I'll be forced to move forward soon, I have to start taking this steps ... I can do this

As a little side note, N's words were so important to me, because they came in a crucial moment in my life, but also N was my very first fictional crush, so he held even more importance I'm many layers.... I think if he saw me now, he'd be proud of me.... And if I saw him now, I'd be really proud of him too... We both made so much progress towards becoming who we wanted to be... I still have a long way to go... but yes... Heh I might have to make some Ferriswheelshipping fanart! Hehe <3 yep I projected into Hilda before I knew what self shipping was, I basically made her my persona/oc for a long time

[murfeelee]

My New Years Resolutions - Simming in 2023

Welp, my 2022 Resolutions were a total bust. 🤦 I figured they would be though; this new grad school program I’m in is RUTHLESS--they don’t believe in sleep! I passed all my classes though, thank heaven--I was SO nervous to see my grades this morning. 😅🎉 And I managed to make a tiny dent in my research over winter break! Huzzah! 

So, as for 2023, I’m just gonna keep tryna do as much as I feasibly can.

OLD stuff I REALLY need to get to work on include:

Uploading some Dragon Age CC. Y’all. Y’all don’t even know how long I’ve been sitting on a effton of conversions I haven’t even had time to test in-game yet. 😩 I haven’t touched my DAI gameplay in AGES, and I miss it.

Uploading some Bleach CC. There are a LOT of imperfections, which is why I haven’t given y’all anything yet, cuz CAS CC drives me effing crazy. But there’s at least some stuff I think I can get away with sharing. I’d also LOVE to finish my Substitute Shinigami Arc gameplay, and hopefully start the Soul Society Arc sometime this year.

Uploading some The Untamed CC. Jfc I’m not making any progress with my big projects--I just keep bouncing from one thing to the next. But I actually think I can start giving y’all stuff I’ve been working on--again, none of it’s perfect, cuz I suck.

Uploading some CDPR CC. I’ve been meaning to keep working on a bit more Witcher 3 and Cyberpunk 2077 CC, but other stuff keeps getting bumped up my list! CDPR’s stuff is so effing high poly though, which makes me hate even touching those games; it’s always a massive headache dealing with AAA game assets. 

The only NEW stuff currently consuming my every waking moment of course includes:

Giving y’all more scrumptious Interview with the Vampire goodness. There’s a ton of gameplay left that I couldn’t finish over Winter Break that I still wanna do, and I have CC that I want to share very soon. (^_^)

Doing Hell’s Bells, Campaign 3 of Critical Role. I was working on it right before Simblreen caught up with me and I had to drop it; so I want to hurry up and get back to that, since I managed to make some pretty cool CC for that gameplay.

Yeah, other than all that, there’s always my usual holiday uploads for Lunar New Year, Black History Month, my birthday (yes, it’s a holy day for me, shaddup), Pride Month, and Halloween.

I have a lot planned, so hopefully that’ll all keep me in a good mood while I struggle with everything else on my plate IRL. 🙄

________________________________________________

Thanks for reading!

Stay tuned, and Happy New Year!

[cozymochi]

im so sorry people are being assholes in the comments of ur iz animatics :((( they bring such joy and are so well done!! forever grateful that you share you art <3 even if you decide to take them down i just wanted to let you know that you are appreciated <3<3<3 hoping your day goes well and you find small unexpected delights

I don’t plan on taking them down. That carnal part of me gets a lil’ joy when I still see nice comments anyway. It’s only been a year, but I still get comments! So that’s crazy.

BUT!!

Another fear I do have is the response if I do post again, and it’s completely different than what those 2.4k subs are expecting to see. I’ve already warned about it literally a year in advance, and then again very recently in multiple places. Idk why I SHOULD be uneased by it, but it’s not like IZ fans are quiet when it comes to their distaste when something changes. *cough.* It’s part of why I’ve distanced myself from that fandom (there’s a myriad of reasons but still).

Insanity incoming:

I don’t have immediate plans to make more animatics, they’re kind of long term thing to consider. Back when I used to make them I had NOTHING but free time and my biggest concern was feeding myself cuz my home environment was horrid and I had zero means of leaving since I lived in bum fuck nowhere! Since my last yt upload I moved out, was in a car wreck (not even 2 days in), my own car went through thousands of dollars in repairs, i got a job, went through a period where I worked nearly 100hrs for several months consecutively with hardly any breaks, and to think! It wasn’t and it’s still not sustainable. Things changed. And I do not want to go “home.” After being forced to visit family again a month ago I especially don’t want to go back.

The channel was literally a dumping ground. I got those 2k subs when I wasn’t posting for a year. So! You can imagine I might not be prioritizing a channel I only used as a dumping ground or in a state to make fully or even barely boarded videos and shitposts weekly or monthly. Idk what these people want from me schedule wise. I make $0 from it, and monetizing for a few cents isn’t worth it. I didn’t even get paid when I made thumbnails and assets for bigger channels lmfao. Yeah, I did do that. Wouldn’t know tho. Paid in “exposure” hurr hurr or “omg i need that money myself XDD cmon” whatever backwards excuse.

So what’s next in line but a bunch of strangers with fickle attention being passive aggressive and demanding I make more stuff when I say multiple times that I don’t intend to, and if I do (big if) it WON’T be what they came here for. They aren’t paying me. It’s not like I have a gajillion other things to be concerned about.

…Okay, that was a tangent.

Those few condescending comments make me just wanna outright cancel what iz stuff was left on the backburner. It was more like an indefinite hiatus until I can stomach finishing them. The files take up space anyway for the projects I’m actually interested in. Even if all of them are purely hypotheticals until I can get my focus together (which isn’t likely to happen anytime soon).

sorry about the TMI rant for a second but!! MAN!! It’s frustrating! If anything I could very well take them down. But, I won’t. Besides, for all I know some tiktok took some and it’s getting an exponentially higher amount of views anyway. I should at least keep mine…

It’s not like i don’t WANT to use it for actual new things, but the sheer pressure keeps me away. I get enough pressure to make animatics offline as it is. And if someone out there is gonna be all like “well who cares what those kids think” believe me, I get it and I promise don’t care. But at the same time it’s egghhhhhh. I delete the comments anyway.… however that doesn’t mean they still won’t bug me.

Considering all of the above it’s a miracle I don’t just take them down.

[prince-rowan-of-the-forest]

(Vi)vianne Marie Zephyr (2/2)

| Ao3 | <- Prev |

Warnings:

A tiny bit of deadnaming/misuse of pronouns for Virgil, but it's far less than the first part.

Pairings: Virgil & Remus

Word Count: 2098

Notes:

Hi all! I'm now uploading Random Things every Sunday whilst I take a break from my fantasy au, here's the first one!

Side note: my Ask Blog is now up and running on Tumblr! Where you can go over there and ask things to my characters :D Please go check it out if you're interested I'm perpetually bored, lol.

Also also, please reblog if you enjoy! It really helps out with the good ol' motivations and makes me very happy <3

Taglist: @reptilianrapscallion420 @your-local-random-dino (if anyone else wants to be added please lmk!

Over the next year, Vi shot up in height.

By the end of eighth grade Vi had gone from being one of the shortest in their grade to being one of the tallest. Remus took great pride in making fun of him for his ‘long ass twig legs’ and in return Vi had taken pleasure in his new ability to taunt Remus about being short. Vi had dreaded going back to school that year, but it turned out that he had more classes with Remus this time around which made it�� a little more tolerable.

Speaking of Remus, Vi had finally felt confident enough to speak up around Remus, at least when they were in private and especially in Vi’s house. Remus had freaked out a little when he’d first heard him speak (apparently he’d assumed that Vi was incapable of speech completely, rather than just anxious). It had been slow going at first, especially after that minor hiccup, but by the summer between eighth and ninth grade, while in Vi’s house he was comfortable enough with Remus to have full, real conversations. 

At the end of eighth grade their grade had been split up by gender and of course Vi ended up with the girls (because he still hadn’t actually told anyone in school about not being a girl yet.) and they had been taken into classes to be taught about puberty and sex ed. Which was important for them to know at fourteen, because they’d start seeing the changes they were learning about in themselves soon enough- some had already, as Kailee already announced, very loudly, when they were talking about periods.

Vi had gone home in tears after that. He’d barely been able to hold it together for the rest of the day and he’d lost that small amount of control when Remus had mentioned it after school and ended up sprinting home and leaving Remus in the dust- determined not to be seen crying. He had just wanted to get home. 

His parents had sat with him for almost an hour until he’d calmed down enough to talk and explain. They’d held him tight and kissed his forehead and promised to look for a solution that could work for them. 

For Christmas that year, his parents had given him a binder and let him know that they were looking into medical treatments he could consider now that he was getting old enough to consent for them himself.

For the same Christmas (Which Remus spent at his house, having snuck out of his own to avoid his parents) Remus had given him a hoodie that was clearly too big for him, the sleeves falling past his hands and the button of the hoodie reaching his mid thighs. It had patches of purple fabric hand sewn onto it with messy white thread. Vi had barely taken it off since. 

—-

“So, Vi,” Remus said, lying back on Vi’s bed. It was the summer after ninth grade now, Vi had started wearing the binder he had gotten almost daily a few months ago, and he still hadn’t taken off the hoodie for longer than was necessary to wash it- even now that it was hot outside. He turned around in his spinny chair to face his friend- he had been working on some stupid project one of his teachers had set to be done over the summer, he hated it.

“Yeah?” He asked. Remus propped himself up on his elbows.

“Are you ever gonna tell everyone else that you’re a guy?” He asked, “I mean, t’s been like, two years now, and I know they don’t know but still hearing everyone but me and your folks call you a girl is-”

“I dunno,” Vi shrugged, “I- I really don’t like it either, but- I guess, I don’t want to tell everyone else until I’m sure about- everything." 

"You're a guy," Remus said, "What else is there to be sure about?"

"My name, for starters," Vi explained, "Vi was just a placeholder, based on my deadname, I uh, never intended it to stick. I know it's already been two years and that's a while for most people but I still want to be sure that I'm sure y'know - and I need to be sure I'm happy with my pronouns and how I want to present myself -"

"Ok ok, so there's a lot," Remus said, interrupting, "But! We can sort through all of it!" 

"We can?" Vi asked. 

"Course, c'mon take a break from that stupid project that doesn't matter cause you probably won't have Mrs Douchbag next year anyway," Remus said, "And we can go on a name hunt!" 

"A name hunt?" Vi repeated, raising an eyebrow even as he pushed his project away and picked up his phone to give his hands something to fidget with.

"Yeah!" Remus nodded, "Ok, so for starters, d'you want to keep the 'V' sound or go completely different?" 

"I uh- think I'd like to keep the V?" he said, "I like the way it sounds." 

"Ok!" Remus nodded, typing something on his phone, he read for a second before his eyes narrowed, "Ok, I've got a list, I'ma just fire these at you, Kay?" 

"Sure," Vi said, frowning.

"Ok, Victor?" 

"No," 

"Yeah, sounds too much like an old prospector, Vincent?" 

"Definitely not,"

"Mm, too 'Rich British kid', Vance?" 

"That's a name?" 

"Says here it is! Is that a no?"

"Definitely a no," 

"Ok, ok, Valentine?" 

"The people called Valentine always end up being the villain in sci-fi stories," Virgil huffed, "And I don't want to be named after a holiday."

"Mm, fair, Vermon?"

"Isn't that the name of Harry Potter's abusive uncle?" 

"Vector?"

"The Villain from Despicable Me," 

"Virgil? Lemme guess, too 'Roman Poet' for you? Vince?" 

"Sounds too much like Mince, wait, go back one?" 

"Virgil?" 

"Yeah uh- I don't - hate? That one?" Vi said.

"But do you like it?" Remus asked, leaning over.

"I- maybe? I guess? It's just- embarrassing," Vi said, looking away.

"Why's that?"

"I mean- it's not exactly 'cool' is it?" Vi rubbed the back of his neck, he did like it, in fact he really liked it, it's just… he didn't want something else for people to bully him for.

"Ok well first of all who gives a fuck." Remus rolled his eyes, "Second, it doesn't matter if it's cool! Just if you like it! Heck, if they had named Roman Romulus we'd fit the Roman myth, instead I just ended up being named after a character who freaking died. I don't care if it's cool, and you shouldn't either." 

"I-"

"Just do what you want, Kay? Don't give a shit about other people's opinions." Remus said, looking at him seriously. 

"I- I think I like Virgil. Then." Vi said.

"Ok Virgil!" Remus said, grinning, and Vi- no, Virgil, couldn't help but smile back. That sounded so… right. 

“That- I like that.” Virgil said, his smile widening as he thought about it, suddenly he found that he couldn’t stop smiling and Remus was grinning right back.

“Awesome!” Remus nodded, “Then that’s all that matters, isn’t it?”

“I suppose so…” Virgil mumbled. 

“Ok what else was there? Right, pronouns!”

—-

They had spent the rest of that day talking through different pronoun sets. Virgil finally revisited that red underlined note he had made in his notebook that first day of researching and together they faced the daunting list of neopronouns.

In the end, he still found that he/him was the best fit, his favourite and the ones he wanted to keep using. He had also decided that he was ok with they/them, it didn’t make him feel any certain way, as well as a fairly long list of neos too. There were some he didn’t like, especially she/her and Remus had promised never to use those. 

—-

Remus had finally persuaded Virgil to go shopping with him the next weekend and Virgil’s dad had agreed - expression brimming with excitement - to take them. The closest shopping centre to their little village was at least forty-five minutes from their house and the good shopping centre that Remus wanted to take him to was almost an hour and a half away. Virgil had only agreed in order to stop the relentless asking and his dad… really hadn’t taken that much convincing, he was just happy to get Virgil out of the house for the day for once.

The mall had been overwhelming at first, it was such a massive bright building with so many things to look at, the shops themselves of course but also the decor, the small vendors set up around the central pathway, the fountain he could hear clear as day but couldn’t see. Remus had grabbed his hand as they walked in together, squeezing it to ground him before dragging him off to a shop near the entrance. 

In the end the trip hadn’t been nearly as bad as Virgil had expected. They had spent more money than Virgil ever thought they could spend shopping (Remus’ parents were supposedly the richest people in their little town but Virgil wasn’t sure Remus had acquired all the notes he seemed to have by asking them). They’d gotten McDonalda and then returned home with their wares and for the next three days Virgil was at the receiving end of an inordinate amount of dress-up that he only allowed because it was Remus. 

He’d let Remus do his makeup and paint his nails when Remus had insisted he’d like it despite his obvious hesitation on the subject. But when Remus finally turned him around in his chair so he could look in the mirror Virgil couldn’t help but gasp. The makeup didn’t make him look- girly- in the slightest, it made him look more like he’d just stepped out of a punk-rock concert, he found he couldn’t be happier and Remus had excitedly said: ‘I told you so’. 

—-

Virgil had gone back to school in tenth grade looking like a whole new person. 

Remus had appeared at his door on the first day of the grade far too early in the morning armed with a whole host of supplies that he had stolen from his brother (Virgil had some of his own by now, but Remus was annoyed that the only colours he seemed to have were purple and black). 

He had been sat down as Remus forcefully insisted on doing both of their makeup so they could go into school looking ‘super swag’. Virgil had protested that he knew how to do his own makeup by now, but Remus had informed him whilst already applying eyeshadow that he did it better and that Virgil should just let it be. 

In reality, Virgil hadn’t really wanted to make a scene going back to school. He was still being bullied after all, though it was far better than it had been. Remus had promised him that it would be fine as he picked an outfit out of the clothes they had bought together and threw things at Virgil until he started to get a little overwhelmed. 

Despite all his protests, though, when Virgil left the house in massive platform boots with straps and buckles, loose ripped up trousers with chains and strings hooked onto the belt loops and the jacket Remus had made him (because despite Remus’ attempts he refused to budge on that). He wore a Paramore band t-shirt under the jacket that he’d been worried was ‘cringe’, to which Remus had told him to shut up and that ‘cringe’ was an illusion people made up to stop other people from having fun and to just wear the t-shirt if he liked it. So Virgil wore the t-shirt. 

And despite the fact that he was wearing earrings and makeup and had paint on his nails, Virgil had never felt further from uncomfortable in his life.

The world was looking up now, as Virgil walked into school on the first day of tenth grade to stares and whispers that were different than they used to be, people saying: “Who is he?” and “Woah look at what he’s wearing,” but not in the same mocking tone they used to asy it. When someone asked and he introduced himself as Virgil for the first time, when halfway through the year he got his name changed in the school’s database and Remus was finally able to correct teachers and students alike when they acted like assholes. 

Slowly, people were forgetting the little girl called Vivianne Zephyr, and wasn’t that the greatest feeling ever?

[rai-knightshade-art]

"...when I'm lying wrapped up in your arms, the whole World just fades away; the only thing I hear is the Beating of your Heart..."

Breathe, by Faith Hill

"...we should talk about this, right?"

His voice is soft, when he speaks; you wouldn't be able to hear him, if you weren't lying on his chest.

You draw patterns across his skin with your finger, contemplative. "Maybe. I'm not really sure how, though."

He makes a humming noise; you can feel the vibrations more than you can hear them. It's a moment before he speaks, and in the quiet you feel his arm move, a tendril of your hair lifting with it. (He always did like playing with your hair.)

Finally, he speaks. "Maybe we should start with... Being honest, with each other. Say what we really feel. Tell the truth."

You lift up your head, until you can rest your chin on your arm, and look at him; he's staring right back, eyes a warm brown, filled with affection.

You lift your other hand, to play with his own unruly curls, as you think. Honesty, huh? You've always been good at hiding your feelings, concealing the truth. How honest do you want to be, really?

But... Looking into his eyes, shining in the moonlight... You find you can't hide anything. Not from him. Not anymore.

"If honesty means telling the truth... Well then, the truth is, I'm still in love with you."

The fanfiction this scene is from is currently in progress, but you can read Chapter 1 here!

Bonus Post 1 (Jesse and Beca's Playlists): Link

Bonus Post 2 (The Bonus Tracks): Link

Artist thoughts, an alternate edit, links to my other RarePair Week entries, and close ups below the cut; image ID is in the alt text.

....y'all don't wanna know how long this thing took me 😅. For the illustration OR the first chapter of the associated fic, really.

Yeah so soft!Jeca lives rent free in my head, like, constantly these days, and I'm making that everybody's problem now, sorry. 😅 And when I saw the prompts for the Pitch Perfect RarePair Week, specifically #5, I knew immediately what I had to do: a fanfic/fanfic illustration! (...Or 2. ........or 5....😂)

I've actually been working on this fanfic for... A while, shall we say, because I had a LOT of thoughts that I needed out of my head and a fanfic was the best way to accomplish that. I wasn't sure when I was gonna try to have it done, figured it would get there when it gets there, but this prompt fit just too perfectly not to take advantage of it, ya know? So my new plan was to have the fanfiction done in time to upload with this prompt, buuuutttt.... That didn't quite happen 😓 ya girl's been busy alright!

But. But. I did get Chapter 1 finished! And uploaded! A day early, no less! ...Except Chapter 1 doesn't actually include the prompt line in it, that'll be in Chapter 2 😅. So uh. That'll be written here soon, I promise. In the meantime, at least there's Chapter 1! AND bonus posts, linked above the cut! Check them out!

Now, to set the scene: we're 6 months past the ending of Pitch Perfect 3, keeping everything from canon (except for the Chloe/Chicago thing but that's not relevant here, that's relevant for a different pair of days). We're 2 and a half years post-Jesse and Beca breaking up due to the fact that their lives and careers were taking off on opposite ends of the continent; it was an amicable breakup, but not a happy one, and while both of them have moved on from the relationship (and Jesse has had--and then broken up with--another long term girlfriend), they both still harbor some feelings for each other. They both think that ship has sailed though...until Beca moves to LA as part of her partnership with DJ Khaled, right when the producers of the movie Jesse and his team are scoring have asked Khaled to write and produce an original song for their movie, and wouldn't you know it, he has a brand new, extremely talented music producer who'd be perfect for the project!

So of course, Jesse and Beca reunite completely by surprise, take some time to talk a few things out once they've each panic-called their respective in-town confidants Benji and Emily to freak out a little bit but it's fine they're chill, and start to reconnect over this new project they have together... And afternoon visits to the neighboring cafe, mutually grabbing lunch at a nearby combination-deli-and-bookstore, and, finally, a week after the Big Damn Reunion™, an actual honest-to-god dinner date-that's-definitely-a-first-date-but-they-won't-admit-it, at a fancy (but not too fancy, they're not quite stars yet) restaurant and everything.

This scene? Comes directly after that dinner; or, rather, it comes directly after they've finished their dinner, and Jesse (ever the gentleman) has walked Beca home, all the way up to her apartment door; it comes after they've just stood there for a long moment, neither really wanting to make the first move to leave, until, finally, Beca literally says "Fuck it!" And drags the poor man into the apartment by the lips and collar. 😂 After all that, here in the dead of night, under the moonlight, they finally just... Talk. Really talk, not just the small talk from the deli/bookstore, or discussing their project in the studio, or even the brief acknowledgements of their past and the ways they've each moved on, from that first day in the cafe. Now, they talk through everything. How they're feeling, what they want this thing between them to be... How absolutely fucking terrified they are of screwing this up again... And how much they want to try again anyways. This scene, right here, is the true beginning of their eventual, maybe-it-was, maybe-it-wasn't, maybe-it-doesn't-matter-if-it-was-or-wasn't, inevitable, happily ever after. Because, well... "If honesty means telling the truth... Well then, the truth is I'm still in love with you."

Below are some close ups to show the details I added--like Beca's plaques!--as well as an alternate edit with lower contrast, because I couldn't decide whether I liked the glow effects better or the dim nighttime atmosphere better. So, both. And finally, below that are the links to the rest of my RarePair Week entries!

Alternate low-contrast version (I couldn't decide which vibes I liked better so y'all get both):

Close Ups:

Days I'm Participating In (and the Entries I've Posted):

Day 1 (this is me trying): Link

Day 2 (I've missed you): Link

Day 5 (if honesty means telling the truth... Then the truth is I'm still in love with you): You Are Here!

Day 6 (there's no way that it's not going to happen with you looking at me like that): Link

Day 7.1 (I can't say it, so I'll sing it): Link

Day 7.2 (part 2): Link

[artistic-calathea]

DOODLE DUMP BECAUSE I HAVE NOT ACTUALLY DRAWN ANY ACTUAL ART PIECES IN A WHILE :D

These ⬇️ were over the span of about a week, and I finished it just a day or 2 ago !!

I drew these ⬇️ last month in aprilll?? I think?

I kinda just worked on it whenever I didn't have any other inspiration which is why there isn't too much

I also want to rant about these and the process n stuff a little bit so I am going to :)

Making the first one I started redrawing old stuff from a sketchbook (the person in the pretty dress, person in the sweater), and then I got distracted watching qsmp vods and drew Dapper and Juanaflipa!!

It was the first time I drew them not as eggs (so they might look totally different next time I draw them sorryyy) and it was super fun !!!! Im working on drawing all the qsmp eggs but it's not gonna be done for a bit since I am also not caught up on whats going on

the last stream I saw was a few days after the Brazilian members crashed and now I hear of France?? Idk but I'll prob try to catch up this week and finish the drawing soon :)

Also all the nature !!!! Literally my favorite thing to draw ever. I could just sit by a plant and draw it and never get bored

Sadly there are not many plants near my house so I might just have to go into the woods and look for cool plants to draw this summer heheheee oh nooo if it's the only way I guess... I just have no other option than going into the awesome woods with the nature and no other people and loud music in my headphones 😔 /sar Im so excited ajauvsv

THAT WASNT EVEN ABOUT THE PROJECT SORRY I always get distracted and ramble when talking about art (I am not going to stop doing this though its so fun!!)

Nowww about the project art,

Short version, these little sillies are being included because when I actually start the project in a few years I wanna look back on this and see how my art improved and how the story changed!

LONG VERSION...

"the project" as I've been calling it, is a goal of mine in life to create something emotional and meaningful that matters to people and can maybe help someone feel less alone :)

It is not that right now though ! At the moment it's just an idea since I don't really have the resources or skills to make it the way I would want to, but these sketches and stuff help me keep track of the idea while I get ready to make the thing

I have some papers with project stuff that I might post if anyone seems really interested in the project as it is right now (they are messy and hard to understand so I don't currently plan on uploading them anywhere)but if not I will likely just keep quietly working on it :3 and I'm definitely gonna change up a few things !! Some things on that page may not even make it into the actual project 👁️👁️

That's all I have until I draw more ! :P (also if you read all that you r automatically very cool and nice and you get 🪲 🐛🐜🐞 bugs :) /pos bug s good)

BYEEE :D

[bitchassmcgrass]

This is gonna be the last vhs post I make for a while, mostly because I get to be with my husband again soon and I can rant about this to him instead of screaming into the void (and also because school gives me no time to work on any of my projects)

Upon coming back home for the weekend, I found the old Digital Guillotine test tape from August. I do appreciate the fact that I made a test print, since it gives me another tape I can put on in the background for about four hours, but upon watching it back, there's several things I wish to change. I mostly want to take out some longer videos, such as PBG and Sequelitis, (and Fesh Pince, that seemed like a good idea at first, but it's way too long, especially compared to all the other videos), as well as switch out some text bumpers for shorter videos.

I also originally settled for YouTube reuploads of flash cartoons like Eddsworld and Homestar Runner, since that was how I mostly watched those videos growing up, but I think once I start this project again, I'm going to make my own recordings of the original swf files. I doubt the resolution will matter too much on vhs (especially recorded in extended play mode), but I think it would improve choppy looking animations, and I'd have lower risk of encountering animation errors (like in the YouTube version of Zombeh Nation, Tom is completely static when the Bathmobile is first revealed).

I'm also going to fuck with aspect ratios a bit. My usual method for converting 16:9 to 4:3 is a bit controversial (or maybe it isn't, I don't have any friends who are as autistic about aspect ratio and video production as I am) but rather than pan and scanning the image or letterboxing it, I like to just squish the video. It makes things on screen look a bit skinnier than originally intended, but I personally don't mind the look of it, and nothing gets cut out of frame. Of course, this shouldn't be a huge problem, as a lot of the videos I'm archiving are originally uploaded in 4:3. I'm also leaving some exceptions for a couple different series.

I originally stretched the Smosh videos to be 4:3, but even early Smosh videos uploaded in standard ratio were uploaded in 16:9 with letterboxing to make it widescreen. I might end up just letting that be 16:9 (as well as future videos) since these old videos are going out of their way to be presented in this format. I'm also going to be adding Red Vs. Blue to the list of videos to add to the tape. However, there's two versions of the blood gulch chronicles, the original and remastered. The first half of the original series recorded in Halo 1 uses splitscreen, so the crop is much more intense than a 16:9, more closely resembling a cinematic 2.39:1 (even tighter, actually). The normal option here would be to just use the remastered versions, but of course, I'm instead going to be using the original recordings with harsh letterboxing (and editing the start of the first few episodes to include title cards to match with the rest of the series).

Time to summarize my thoughts. It is ten minutes to 4 am, there's about 50 minutes left on the test tape, and my vcr can't play any commercial tapes without the sound being extremely blown out. I might be able to re-record the tape with this vcr, but sinc emy head cleaner didn't work, I'm most likely going to have to buy a new one for watching movies again.

Next time I get the chance to work on this, I'm going to have my crt monitor hooked up so I can get a better idea of text positioning and color correction for the bumps and videos themselves. Most importantly, once I record this tape, I'm going to remember to turn discord notifications off. Can't believe I forgot about that.

The first tape will predominantly feature Homestar Runner, Smosh, Eddsworld, Tally Hall's Internet Show, Angry Video Game Nerd, Filthy Frank, and Red Vs Blue. It will also include ASDFmovie, Tomska, Charlie the Unicorn, The Lazer Collection, Animator Vs Animation, Leo and Satan, Tankmen, and iconic YouTube Poops. If I get really desperate for content, and I mean, REALLY fucking desperate, I might include a Fred video, or the original Annoying Orange.

if you have any recommendations for this project, please let me know. Thank you for reading.

[annbourbon]

My plans for the following months (probably a couple of years):

A couple of years ago, people used to tell me "I'm busy" as an excuse to avoid me. And my reaction was "yeah me too, and probably more than you."

I don't even bother now cause I know it'll start a competition. Yes. I know you're busy but I also know you're avoiding me cause I just saw you on the mall with friends who were not me.

Most people in my life won't ever understand that I love them beyond me being busy. I count seconds. Each one is really important for me and I'm risking not to finish all my projects by being here and there with the people I love. But okay. Anyway...

I'm finally about to start the next phase of my projects.

Project #1: DDOE Collection

This is one of my favorites but at the same time it is the one that requires a lot of work and editing and... writing lol

Which consists in several steps:

I have to finish a huge reading list. And by huge you can already see how many books i'll have to read per genre.

48 books on battles, spying, strategies, fights, tactics

2 or 3 on anatomy

5 on History

3 on Etiquette

13 on Psychology

17 on Politics

150 on Myths

2 on Science and Technology

53 to learn how to write better

28 on Music

Plus finishing my 2024 reading list.

Basically all this it's helping me to develop this whole story: DDOE Collection.

Which is a difficult one. Because it's long:

There are at least two series (yes, series) per box. Sometimes more. Right now it's a total of 200 books more or less. Hopefully while I'm editing all that the quantity will also decrease ╥﹏╥

I'm also editing Vampiric Obsession (which is part of this collection) and translating it, all by myself ^^u at this point I probably need help but I can't afford it right now. Which is why I'm making and selling soaps (to hire and pay some day, to someone, to help me with all this... poor unfortunate soul lol doesn't know what's getting into) and also asking y'all for your donations >-< to support this project and the others here mentioned.

So I have to develop a good technique and be obsessive on it to keep control and

Phase # 1 - Tropes ✔️

Phase #2 - Boundaries ✔️

Phase # 2.5 - Reading List ✔️ (currently reading)

Phase #3 - Consequences (on it)

Phase #4 - Politics

Phase # 5 - Maps (on it)

Phase # 6 - Character Database & Background

Phase # 7 - Timeline

Phase # 8 - Write

If you guys want to reach me, you're welcome to do it. Any time. But I'm gonna be really busy this year, writing lol

Project #2: Fit or Die

I'm quite satisfied with how this is going. Obviously I have had to make some changes, but you can still revisit the first idea before I come around with this title. Uhhh I really hope you guys enjoy it.

Project #3: Other stories

I have at least 20 more stories that do not belong in any of the other two categories. They all are stand alone and will be finished as soon as I can figure them out. Not necessarily in a specific order. After that, I do not plan on writing anymore originals. Probably fanfics and petitions if someone wants to ask me for something. But nothing else.

Project #4: Fashion Design

See, this is where things start to get awkward for most people because they do not expect me to stop writing but lol after writing so much, I really doubt that anything I write after that will be interesting. So that's why I'll be doing my portfolio and stepping away from the ink.

Project #5: YT Channel

I'm currently busy but as soon as I am able to, I'll start uploading more and more videos on YT and who knows? maybe even a live or two? So wait for it! >-<

So if you feel like I'm away or anything, I'm probably, *really busy* but I definitely would never ignore you ^♡^ so keep sending messages and I'll reply whenever I can.

I love you all!

★☆★☆★|| Paypal ||★☆★☆★|| Ko-Fi ☕ ||★☆★☆★

[greydiminishing]

Jan 20, 2024

Since my last writing about two and a half weeks ago, I've packed up, moved 6 hours away to school, unpacked and moved in, and had a whole week of classes! Well almost whole, it was a 4 day week.

I am doing,, just okay. I am so excited to be back on campus and in school. But I feel super behind since I've failed so many classes previously, and took basically 3 semesters off. I'm essentially a 22 year old 3rd year. I've been a student in this school for five years. I was supposed to graduate this year, but I have two more years left, at minimum. Some of the kids I have classes with were highschool freshmen when I was a college freshman. I feel self consious and ashamed about that.

I also feel like i'm already behind in some classes after only two actual class sessions (tues/thurs and wed/fri classes). I didnt get as much studying done as I would've liked in those five weeks that i time blocked (But getting into time blocking was definitely worth it, thats helping me so much).

I haven't had to do any actual math in TWO YEARS. I celebrated taking the "last math class of my life", completely forgetting that I need to take a calc-based physics class. Now im struggling in class to find the sides of a triangle with sohcahtoa 😭 If i don't glue my eyeballs to khan academy i'm gonna be a wreck trying to integrate and find derivatives.

And one class has an "Assignment 0" which is just downloading and setting up all the software we're gonna be using, and just trying to clone my gitlab repository took me several hours to figure out.

All the deadlines and assignments and quizzes and project dates has my head spinning. One class requires you to upload your notes to the lecture video before every single class (m/w/f class, so 3 times a week), and its something like 10% of your final grade. Idk i just think thats stupid lol. And I can't help but write notes differently when i'm concious of the fact that someone else will be reading them :/

But I will be studying hard, and getting stuff done early as to not fall behind.

That was academics, now onto my roommates.

I was placed in a random campus apartment with 3 other roommates. We each have our own room, but share the living room and kitchen. They're nice and i want to be their friend so bad, but I'm so socially awkward and i don't know how to make friends 😭. The thing is, I'm coming into "their" apartment mid-academic year, and thats only because their other friend moved out for an internship or something, so I got put in the vacant room. They're already a little friendgroup, the three of them plus the friend that moved out which they're still in group chats with. They might've even know each other before living here, they seem pretty close.

They're not intentionally excluding me or anything, but everytime i'm chatting with them it feels so awkward, and when I go back to my room and I can hear their fun conversations finally ignite. They talk about their mutual friends, and their parents, and plans to roadtrip. Then I go back out to fill my water bottle or make tea or something, mostly an excuse to join their conversation, and the conversation goes back to quiet and polite. I know I act the same way around new people as well, so its not their fault, but I dont know what to do, how to get around this. I heard them from my room talking about anime, and I so badly wanted to join them, but I didn't know how to do so naturally without creeping them out like I was eavesdropping their convo the whole time. You can only go fill your waterbottle so many times.

Its already the end of week 1 and i've barely talked to them. I'm afraid if we don't get more friendly soon, as time progresses, we'll get more stuck in the same routine and we'll only be able to be awkward and quiet around each other for the rest of the semester. I want to suggest we order some food tonight and maybe watch a movie, but idk is that weird? To suggest out of nowhere and not really knowing them? And theres no TV so we'd have to watch on someones laptop. Aughhhh idk. Plus I really need to get started on all this work i already have. Maybe i'll suggest it next weekend.

I'm already planning on making cookies for everyone tomorrow. A freshly baked cookie is the way to friendship, surely?

[anonquack]

| 3am Calls |

Alex Quackity x Reader, Oneshot!

Word Count: 1700

Warnings: None! Just some fluff.

Summary: Unable to fall asleep, you reach out to a friend in order to help ease you into peaceful slumber.

The seconds are passing quickly, 1am turns to 2am, and it doesn't take long for 3am to hit. Stirring around in bed doesn't make the restlessness stop, the little sheeps jumping around your head fall and get back up, attempting once again to lure you to sleep, but it doesn't work. You find yourself staring up at your ceiling, hands resting on your stomach. There is a stinging in your eyes that lets you know you are indeed tired, yet when your eyes finally close, they can't seem to stay that way. These restless nights had been going on for a while, yet you didn't want to be a bother and reach out to any of your friends. Who knew if they were either sleeping or had better things to do. You wouldn't be finding out any time soon. But.. perhaps tonight it wouldn't hurt to reach out. You felt lonely just staring up at your ceiling, and your own thoughts were eating up at you, making the restlessness feel even worse.

You reach out for your phone, turning it on and immediately being blinded by the bright light. Once your eyes became accustomed to the light, you opened messages and took a glance at all the people you had sent some to. A certain someone definitely caught your eye, but you really weren't sure if he'd be up, considering some days he'd wake up super early. He was a busy man, and fitting into his schedule could be a bit difficult. After some thought and the skin of your bottom lip slowly being bitten off, there was a single message sent.

y/n

hi

It was too late to consider his possible sleeping state or the embarrassment that might overtake you in the morning when you get a text with something along the lines of "i was asleep. sorry". You run a hand down your face, deciding to accept your fate and that your luck ran out. Perhaps you'd go back to counting sheep.

alex ((:

hi

The notification casted a bright light on your face, but this time it was welcome. Your finger quickly clicked on it, taking you to the message app.

y/n

did i wake you up by any chance?

alex ((:

i was editing a video, dw

why are you up?

"i don't know." you said out loud as you read the message. "i really don't know.." a small frown appeared on your lips as you texted back:

y/n

can't sleep

alex ((: ahh, is that where i come in?

y/n perhaps.. if you don't mind ofc

alex ((: call me

The message caught you by surprise. Of course you had talked to him on the phone before, but never this late. Never without it being planned beforehand. Never this sudden. Not because you couldn't sleep. Millions of thoughts rushed through your head as you stared at the message. call me. How could one possibly say no to that?

You cleared your throat before pressing on his contact and clicking on the call button. Soon enough, the sound of ringing could be heard, and you held your breath. Of course, he would answer, but you couldn't help the nervous feeling of talking to him this late, and just.. randomly.

"hello?"

Your breath hitched slightly at the sudden halt of the ringing, and the smooth sound of his voice. It didn't sound like it usually did. His voice wasn't full of energy, like it is when he's screaming at his screen or joking around with friends. It was calm, and sounded like he was a bit tired. Who could blame him? He was up editing at 3 in the morning. And here you were, making him talk on the phone rather than encouraging he get some sleep.

"Hi.." you said as a small smile formed on your lips at the thought of how hardworking this man was. "How's the editing going?"

"Mm.. it's going pretty well. I'll probably upload it by tomorrow. I'm planning on just working on it for a bit more before heading to bed." He stated, to which you let out a small hum, "That's good. It's important that you get your rest."

Now it was his turn to let out a small hum of approval. "What's keeping you up?" He asked. You closed your eyes, letting his voice ring and echo inside your head, letting the calmness his voice carried take over you, making you feel calm as well. "To be honest, I don't know. Whenever I close my eyes I just can't seem to doze off."

"Well, do you wanna keep me company while I finish editing? We can talk about random stuff until I bore you enough for you to knock out."

His words made you let out a small chuckle, shaking your head before realizing he couldn't see you. "You could never bore me." You admitted, thinking about his previous words for a few seconds. "That sounds good, actually. If you don't mind.."

"I offered it, didn't I?"

You hum in response. "True.. its settled then."

He let out a small chuckle in response, and the sound alone made you smile. You took a moment to really think about what was happening. You'd keep each other company until either he finished or his soft voice lulled you to sleep, and you'd talk about random stuff. It was a sweet deal.

As you lay in bed, you could hear the clicking sounds his keyboard made when he typed or when he'd move his mouse around while editing the clips. During small moments of peaceful silence, you could hear his steady breathing or light humming.

You'd asked how his day was and listened as he talked about how busy he'd been lately, some of the stuff he had planned for the upcoming month, and how his hard work would let him relax for a few days.. soon. Just hearing how hard he was working and how genuinely excited he sounded about everything he talked about made a warm feeling appear on your chest.

You gave small comments here and there, asking if he could expand on certain projects that caught your attention, as well as asking how he was keeping up with school work. He gladly answered all your questions, but always made sure to ask, "What about you?"

You hadn't noticed that it was mostly him talking, besides your occasional comment. You were just happy to listen to him speak so passionately about everything he did, and to be completely honest, the calm tone in his voice was also making you feel sleepy.

But you'd never deny that it made you feel so.. included. Yes, this was a 1 on 1 call but he always managed to make you feel like your inputs mattered just as much as everyone else's. It was one of his qualities that you adored wholeheartedly.

It could be during a stream, a group call, or even group chat. He always made sure that everybody felt included. He was just that sweet.

So even if you were now half asleep, you always made sure to respond and also tell him how your day went and what you had been up to. It was nice just being able to talk about simple things like that with him so late.

"I think I'm gonna stop editing for tonight. Just have a few things left but fuck, my eyes are killing me." He finally stated after a questionable discussion.

"As you should. You work too hard.. give your eyes a well deserved rest." You said, slightly rubbing at your eyes. The faint sound of shuffling and a few clicks could be heard, presumably him turning off his PC and heading to his bed.

A few more shuffling sounds could be heard before he spoke again. "I know. Thank you, Y/N. You always remind me how important it is that I take care of myself." The smile was evident in his voice, and he sounded way closer than before.

"Of course.. that's what I'm here for."

"I'll remind you too. Don't worry."

"Thank you, Alex." Small pause. "Are you gonna head to bed now?" You looked at how long the call had been going for and realized it had been well over an hour, making your eyes widen slightly.

"I could. Orrrr I could keep talking to you."

"You could.. but you should also head to bed and-"

"I'm already in bed. Got my blankets covering me and everything. Tucked in."

"Did you tuck yourself in? I should do it for you next time." You joked, before realizing you might have overstepped some boundaries. You froze as the call remained silent for a bit.

"Maybe you should– But you're not really down."

Your body relaxed as you realized his response had the same joking tone as yours did, and that it was okay to joke around about this stuff. You let out a small scoff.

"I'm not down? I will gladly go tuck you in. Just send your location and I'll be there in 5 minutes."

His voice had gotten raspy, quieter, and even more soothing if even possible. Each of his responses seemed to calm you more and more with each passing second.

"Well I'm already tucked in so you missed out on that opportunity." He boldly stated.

"We could tuck each other in next time." You said with a smile on your lips, and that earned a small chuckle from him. "Maybe." He hummed in response.

You felt so elated at that moment. You'd had a wonderful conversation with Alex, and he'd managed to make you feel more relaxed. At that moment, you found your eyelids fluttering shut, and at last they didn't force themselves open again.

Alex had been trying to get comfy himself while you were falling asleep. When he realized the silence had gone on for too long, he listened closely for any sound coming from you, and was only met with steady breaths.

"Y/N..?" He asked, quietly this time. Nothing. He let out a small hum, a small smile on his lips at the realization that you had fallen asleep. "Goodnight, Y/N."

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: January 17th, 2021 (Part 1)

More ask answers! It’s gonna be a lot today, so we’re splitting it into two.

i love Cliff and Kyra's relationship so much ?? even though they had issues they managed to work things out and remain friends through the years! it's so refreshing over the narrative of people resenting each other after they break up.. im kind of curious tho , do they see each other strictly platonic now or is there still something lingering?

Aw, I’m glad to hear you like their relationship. Their feelings are very platonic now. Kyra views him as an ex and co-parent and then a friend as time goes on. Cliff does struggle not to think of her as still his family, even though he’s not romantically attracted anymore. But he’s knows it might be crossing a line to be that attached to a woman who divorced him and so he tries to let her just live her own life.

Can i ask just how tall Cove exactly is in Step 3? And will he be even TALLER in Step 4? My short heart cannot handle this. (Also this game is absolutely flawless and I haven't been able to stop thinking abt it since I played. Planning on getting the dlcs soon, y'all did SO WELL!!!!!!!!!) 

Haha, thank you very much.

Step 1: 4'1 feet Step 2: 5'4 feet Step 3: 6'0 feet Step 4: 6'4 feet 

Hey! So, I know Steam is having its fall sale/boxing day sale or something so i was wondering if you guys were gonna participate in that?? I was thinking of buying XOXO Droplets (the extended version) but i didnt want to do anything before there was a potential sale. May seem like an odd question, but I was genuinely curious. I can't wait to play the full game when i get it tho :D

I’m afraid we have some things we wanna fix in XOXO Droplets before really promoting it/pushing it with sales, so for now it won’t be participating in Steam sales. Hopefully we can update it soon.

Hello I'm still trying to get the CG for Step 2-3 and didn't see or get it when I told Cove of the deal in the Dinner moment like your guide says. I got the achievement but no CG. Is there another choice I'm suppsed to make after telling him?

Make sure you go back to the house with Cove after he leaves and don’t stay in your living room.

* don't be suspicious* *don't be suspicious*  ...Hi, there's another way to pay for the Our Life +18 dlc besides Patreon? Patreon have very limited payment options and I've been struggling with the platform. Anyways, thanks for the amazing game I hope I could support any way ^u^

Haha, right now there isn’t anything specific, but once it’s finished in a few months we’ll look into other hosting sites.

do you think we can get another our life dlc plzzz i would pay so much for it <3 i want to see their life together when they have kids or pets or just live with the two of them and i really want them to adopt kids too since jamie is adopted :)

I’m afraid we likely won’t. As much as we love OL: B&A, we’ve gotta start putting our whole effort into new projects soon. Maybe someday we could come back and do special new content, but it’d be quite awhile after all the planned DLCs have released.

How do you delete a save file? 

On PC or Mac you hover over a slot and hit the delete key, or you can go into the saved data folder and delete the files directly. On Android I’m afraid I don’t know. You can save over them with something else, though.

this is like. totally embarrassing and silly to ask but im dying here; i love cove so much i wanna climb that boy like a tree. so basically what im asking here is like. will the nsfw dlc have explicit stuff or is it more like an implied kinda situation? cuz i want some full on nsfw shit im so thirsty for cove and only this can satisfy me

It’s truly 18+ and explicit with nude art and straightforward descriptions of sexual acts. That’s why we can’t release it as part of the main game, haha. I’m glad you’re into Cove~

Hello! I've really been enjoying Our Life and am noticing some animation changes with the update! I just had a question though. In Step 2 we meet Jeremy but I was wondering if he was only meant to appear in Step 2 as a typical mean kid or is there more we don't know? 

Jeremy is a horrible pill in Our Life, but he is also a beloved romance option as a teenager in our other game XOXO Droplets. His personality is quite different once he grows up more. I imagine Cove and the MC would be pretty surprised.

Hi! i absolutely adore our life so far and I can't wait to continue supporting the game with the upcoming dlc drops! i was just wondering if y'all were planning on uploading any art for steam icons/the steam point shop in general<3 

Thank you! And we might. But we’re first trying to focus on making a new game update since there are still some improvements we have in mind.

I hope this question doesn’t come off weird but would Cove be the type of guy to memorize your period? I imagine he’d be the kind of best friend/boyfriend who would keep track of your cycle to support you during it or something like that 

We’d be shy about it at first and avoid mentioning what he was doing, but he would try to keep track of it based on any insight the MC gave him. The longer you’re with him, the more it could be just a normal thing the two openly talked about.

Hi there, how often do you do auditions? I am a voice actor and would love to be part of a project ?

We usually have auditions two to three times a year. Our next planned casting call will be for side character in Our Life Step 4.

Are the 5 moments included in the Derek and Baxter DLCs different from the normal Step 2 and 3 DLC? And will they focus exclusively on Derek and Baxter respectively? I was a little confused when I read the DLC FAQ. Thanks! 

Mostly they’ll be completely new Moments that star Derek or Baxter. Though, for example, Derek’s DLC will allow you to take him to the Soiree. If you go with Derek that will remove your ability to go with Cove in the Cove Step 2 DLC.

Sorry if you've already said this, but how will your character transfer over to the patreon exclusive NSFW DLC?  Can it access your game memory or will you select traits your character showed and choices you made from a list? 

It’s a standalone event that happens for MCs who are in a relationship with Cove and have been dating him for a while. Other details about the MC/their dynamic with Cove will just be picked in the event itself. It won’t try to take data from a specific save in the actual game.

I love your games, but currently only have an Android. When will you put your other games on android? 

I don’t know. They might not able to be formatted for Android very well, unfortunately. We’ll see how much time we’ve got later this year to try figuring it out.

Thank you so much for all the questions :D

[anothersievefistedfind]

Fugazi, Mass Art Gymnasium, Boston, MA USA 4/19/2002 - photo © by Edwina Hay

Fugazi, Mass Art Gymnasium, Boston, MA USA 4/19/2002 (FLS #1029) & 4/20/2002 (FLS #1030)

Not having played in Boston proper for 11 years (i.e. since their one-off show at the Channel on March 17, 1991) due to the lack of promoters willing to do shows in larger venues for low ticket prices and the city suddenly ruling all ages shows illegal, Fugazi would finally return to play two consecutive nights at the Mass Art Gymnasium (MassArt), “[f]ounded in 1873, [...] one of the nation’s oldest art schools, the only publicly funded free-standing art school in the United States, and [...] the first art college in the United States to grant an artistic degree” (via). 

Moreover, and according to the MassArt website, it is “a place with wide reach, where the hardest, most important, and most rewarding work of [their] students, staff, and affiliates, is to keep [their] eyes open [!] and continue expanding [their] vision.” In other words, a place most suitable to host a couple of Fugazi shows and have some 1500 enthusiasts share in the experience each night. 

Interestingly, these shows in Boston played out while Washington D.C. was preparing for another round of large-scale protests on April 20th. According to an April 14, 2002 article “D.C. Protest Organizers Take On New Cause” by Manny Fern and ez published in the Washington Post, 

“Those opposed to global capitalism and the U.S. policies that support it, others who have decried the war in Afghanistan and activists who objected to widespread arrests of Muslims in the United States have joined pro-Palestinian groups to march for a common cause.”

In their lengthy follow-up article, “Demonstrators Rally to Palestinian Cause”, published on April 21, 2002 in the Washington Post, the authors provide some more details as to how these events unfolded,

“Tens of thousands converged on downtown Washington yesterday to demonstrate for a variety of causes, but it was the numbers and passion of busloads of Arab Americans and their supporters that dominated the streets.

Eager to make their presence felt and their voices heard in the nation's capital as never before, Arab and Muslim families marched and chanted for an end to U.S. military aid to Israel, overwhelming the messages of those with other causes in a peaceful day of downtown rallies and marches.”

Considering the nature and backdrop of these events, it only makes sense that the demonstrations run like a thread through both Fugazi shows in Boston. Leading into the song Argument on the first night, Ian gives a lengthy address touching on the causes of the demonstrations, his concerns and doubts in relation to the media coverage and on the band playing shows in Boston instead of standing with the demonstrators in Washington D.C., concluding that “[t]he fact of the matter is that, wherever you are, in the world, if you disagree with war, then you should be protesting every day, no matter where you are, so right now, this is the beginning of the protest.”

The recording of the first night documents a collection of songs that are performed very well for the most part and blend nicely together, with some cool extras, cf. the vocals catching some nice reverb on Oh, a memorable version of Ex-Spectator, Guy’s “public housing” rap into Dear Justice Letter, a cool double shot of Joe with The Kill / By You combo, or a rare 2002 live appearance of Bad Mouth.

However, there are a couple of reasons that will probably keep me from revisiting this one anytime soon. My main gripe is that the recording is incomplete. The introduction is missing as well as the actual last three songs of the set, i.e. Arpeggiator, Sweet and Low and Repeater. Guy’s vocals are low in the mix on Sieve-Fisted Find and kind of get stuck in the left channel for most of the recording. Also, the recording skips a couple of times during Cashout.

And so my preference lies with the recording of the second night, which fortunately is complete and better sounding overall, even though Brendan’s snare drum comes off a bit harsh the first couple of songs. This one too has a nice flow to it and documents a really good performance (never mind the guitar soloing towards the end of Strangelight is a bit off). 

My highlights here include a nice little midsection with 4 early songs which provide Guy with ample opportunity to lay down his guitar and go off, rare 2002 live versions of Song #1 and Last Chance for a Slow Dance (this one’s a beauty), another nice double dose of Joe by way of Recap Modotti / By You played back-to-back, and last but definitely not least, more remarks by Ian about protests “to celebrate the idea that not the entire country is insane, there are some people who are sane” as an introduction to an outstanding rendering of KYEO which has Ian catering some more to the issues of the day:

“Important bulletin, we have from unconfirmed sources, an alleged plot to possibly blow up five streets in an unnamed city, somewhere in this country, we can’t say it’s gonna happen, but we can’t say it’s not gonna happen, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t walk on the street, we actually don’t know what it means, we just want you to be scared...”

The troops are quiet tonight, But it's not alright, Because we know they're planning something. Don't you know things have settled down, 

Down, down but silence is a dangerous sound, 

”Because when you’re scared, you’re off-balance, and when you’re off-balance, you can’t reason, when you can’t reason it’s very hard to recognize that something is being done in your name that you would not like to have been done, or you would not like people to do, so get on-balance, don’t be scared...”

The troops are quiet tonight, But it's not alright, Because we know they're planning something. Don't you know things have settled down,

Down, down but SILENCE is a dangerous sound,

We must, we must, We must keep our eyes open, See what we see, What once was promised now will be. Still uncertain? Get off that hang, Don't wait for the bang, The tools, They will be swinging, But we will not be beaten down.

Note that videos of both performances circulate on YouTube (see below). These have been synched-up with the recordings presented here, with permission of the band. On an interesting side note, and according to Ian, “ryanne hodson, who is credited with the video editing was responsible for uploading hundreds of the FLS shows on the site. she’s been a real friend and booster to the project.”

Ironically, the footage of the first show is pretty much complete (contrary to the incomplete audio recording) while the footage of the second show is missing about 30 minutes of the performance (contrary to the complete audio recording).

The set lists:

April 19, 2002 (incomplete):

1. Break 2. Sieve-Fisted Find 3. Reclamation 4. Oh 5. Ex-Spectator 6. Interlude 1 7. Dear Justice Letter 8. Interlude 2 9. Stacks 10. The Kill 11. By You 12. Interlude 3 13. Forensic Scene 14. Cashout 15. Nightshop 16. Bad Mouth 17. Break-In 18. Interlude 4 19. Furniture 20. Blueprint 21. Encore 22. Argument 23. Full Disclosure 24. Long Division 25. No Surprise

April 20, 2002 (complete):

1. Intro 2. Number 5 3. Facet Squared 4. Rend It 5. Interlude 1 6. Birthday Pony 7. Oh 8. Styrofoam 9. Life and Limb 10. Closed Captioned 11. Public Witness Program 12. Five Corporations 13. Strangelight 14. Break 15. Burning 16. Song #1 17. Interlude 2 18. Give Me The Cure 19. Waiting Room 20. Recap Modotti 21. By You 22. Last Chance for a Slow Dance 23. Epic Problem 24. Encore 1 25. Cashout 26. Interlude 3 27. Full Disclosure 28. Interlude 4 29. KYEO 30. Outro

[clocks-are-round]

posting the next Three Months O’Malley chapter soon. as in, going to the site right now to upload it. i hope you guys like it. i know it’s been half a year since the last chapter, and honestly the longer it’s gotten the more embarrassed i’ve felt. but i’ve been busy and it’s not my only creative project.

so, chapter 3 is done, and hopefully i’ll finish chapter 4 by summer’s end. but regardless of how long it takes me, this story is very dear to me and i have multiple chapters planned out including the ending. it’s just the connecting bits that are difficult. ok, this has officially changed from an announcement to procrastination. gonna go upload it now