#goldstar lesbian positivity

[hairy-lez]

do any straight up lesbians want to be friends?? at this point the only lesbians i know, other than my lovely dyke great aunts, are fakebians who talk about making out with dudes they're in love with 😭🤮

[pussyistheforbiddenfruit]

I love being a lesbian, a gold star one too, I love knowing I have never slept with a male to realize I am one, and honestly? It wasn't that hard to do, has the Osa ppl around me tried to convince me that that I couldn't be a lesbian and it was "just a phase" Yes, they use to tell me how I should at least try one male to make sure but did their peer pressuring worked? Sort of but in the end, I didn't do it because I know want I am, im grateful for those pasts experiences had helped me grow mentally and emotionally strong, to know my worth, and most importantly not seek validation from others.

Being a gold star lesbian is incredible! and im proud as hell to be one 😊

[hard--headed--woman]

A few things about my goldstar lesbians post !

I am not mad at anyone who replied to this post ; I understand why you did and I also recognize that I didn't phrase it well, and that it was easy to misunderstand what I meant, especially on a website full of people who hate goldstar lesbians and defend fake lesbians in general.

I am a goldstar lesbian, and I do believe that in theory, only goldstar lesbians are real lesbians. Many if not most non goldstar lesbians indeed are bisexual. The "in theory" is there because I think there can be exceptions.

These exceptions aren't : women who've been married to men for years before "coming out", women who dated and had sex with men before "realizing" there were lesbians, women who dated men without it being a problem before suddenly calling themselves homosexual, women who say they dated and had sex with men just to avoid being called gay, etc etc. I don't believe you can have sex with several men before "realizing" you were a lesbian, even if you are in denial. I don't believe comphet crushes are a thing.

What I think these exceptions can be : lesbians being abused, coerced, forced, violently pressured, lesbians hating their homosexuality and wanting to deny it and/or to "cure it", very young lesbians dating boys their age for some weeks because they don't understand everything they feel and are scared...

What I meant in this post is that I am not in every woman's head and that I cannot completely close my mind to the idea that a non goldstar lesbians, in some cases, can really be a lesbian. I can acknowledge that non goldstar lesbians most of the time aren't lesbians without saying "NO non goldstar lesbian will EVER be a real lesbian, it is ABSOLUTELY impossible no matter what and it CAN'T happen". Maybe 99,8% of non goldstar lesbians aren't real lesbians ; I just want to keep my mind open for the 0,2%. This post was about abuse and severe lesbophobia, not about bisexual women finding sex with men boring and thinking that makes them homosexual.

There is a lot of hate directed at goldstar lesbians so I understand the reaction that my post created. I just wanted to make it clear that I am not a fake lesbians defender and that I will never throw goldstar lesbians under the bus to protect bi and straight women larping as lesbians.

As always I'll be glad to debate with people who disagree as long as you are calm and polite. I am young and I have many things to learn so maybe I am saying total bullshit without realizing it but being rude about it will not help anyone. Sad that so many of you seem unable to talk without saying "Go fuck yourself" and "stfu" at least twice in a sentence, are you like that in real life too ?

Anyway, my apologies again for my not very well written post that apparently gave anyone the wrong idea ; I should have made my meaning clearer.

[fuck-cisgenders]

Happy Lesbian Visibility Day to all the lesbians out there except for goldstars and TERFs & radfems who are lesbians! Hope you all are having a great Lesbian Visibility Week as well 🥰

[lesbianp1lled]

maybe you should "log off and touch grass" since there must be something seriously wrong with your life to be such a nasty person. thanks for making (real) goldstar lesbians look horrible. and you think you're contributing positively to the lives of real lesbians?

i’m not a nasty person but thanks for ur input!

[menalez]

honestly i wish those assholes would stop 1) harrassing you of course, because clearly it's disgusting to harras you just because you've been abused and 2) doing it in the name of goldstar positivity. goldstar positivity is about smashing the stereotypes against goldstar lesbians and fighting the hatred against this term in general, for example. and fighting non goldstar lesbophobia isn’t about bullying lesbian victims of rape and abuse, it's about calling out these women who've had tons of crushes on men (actual crushes), slept with men and enjoyed it, and overall are attracted to men but still call themselves lesbians - but there's a clear and obvious difference between them and a victim of abuse. these fake lesbians will openly claim they enjoyed sex with men before and have already been in love with a man, it's not the same thing as someone being abused and coerced. and at the end of the day, while sometimes it's obvious that self proclaimed lesbians aren't actually homosexual, many times it also isn’t because you can't know how the person felt inside. like, if a woman tells you she felt coerced into being with men, or felt like she's had to for whatever reason, well you can't know if it's true or not, and the best thing to do is to leave that person alone. unless she spreads lesbophobic rhetoric like "lesbians can like men sometimes!" it really isn’t harmful, and attacking her is risking to attack a victim of abuse or trauma of any kind so... idk better leave her alone???

anyway i just wanted to say you have my support, i'm a goldstar and i absolutely hate how many other goldstar seem to treat you, you're absolutely amazing, i love your blog and everything you do online for women and lesbians. you're a queen clearly !

if a woman tells you she felt coerced into being with men, or felt like she's had to for whatever reason, well you can't know if it's true or not, and the best thing to do is to leave that person alone. unless she spreads lesbophobic rhetoric like "lesbians can like men sometimes!" it really isn’t harmful, and attacking her is risking to attack a victim of abuse or trauma of any kind so... idk better leave her alone???

exactly!! i’ve said this before but the fact that they’re willing to say any woman talking about her trauma or abuse is a liar (bc accepting that to be true would mean they don’t have a basis for harassing her for their presumptions on her sexual orientation) is so vile to me. do they have 0 conscience that they’re willing to risk being the people who are calling a rape & abuse victim a liar? do they not realise that they might be wrong in their assumptions and in that case, they’re simply horrible people?

like if someone lies about those things then that’s a reflection of them and there’s no justification for such behaviour but to accuse ppl of lying about their trauma with such little basis means being willing to potentially call an actual victim a liar. no matter how much i might dislike any woman on here, no matter how shitty she is or whether i believe her when she says she’s a lesbian or not, i can’t imagine ever being shitty enough to tell her she must be lying about being coerced or abused or raped or whatever else.

thank u sweet anon for ur kind words ❤️

[sybilspretexts]

i would posit as a homosexual that there is actually a pretty massive and undeniable difference between sleeping with women i'm not attracted to vs sleeping with men. nothing to do with personal history - both 'goldstar' and 'non goldstar' lesbians (for the lack of better terms) have articulated a similar revulsion to sex with men. even if they've forced themselves to go through with it due to social/cultural pressure, the experience is invariably traumatic. it's very different from how they would describe their relationships with women they weren't attracted to but slept with out of loneliness, self harm etc. the notion that "unattraction is unattraction" regardless of the sex of the person involved seems more like a bisexual experience than a gay one.

[dreamy-and-witchy]

My new microwave is a lesbian 💕

[rouge-the-bat]

when u post lesbian positivity for mspec/nb/various other lesbians outside the norm and get a comment saying "none of you are lesbians" and their url has "goldstar" in it and they post "gender critical" shit on their blog HFKSJKF like woow not Another terf trying to define lesbianism for everyone 😱 cant believe im not a genderfluid bi lesbian anymore bc a terf said so 😔

[filmnoirsbian]

Not the original Anon who asked, but I am in a similar position of having been bi and now questioning whether or not I'm a lesbian (99% sure I am at this point lol.) And I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your experiences, because it pretty much exactly mirrors my own and I have always felt a lot of shame about it, as if I'm just "faking" it considering my past with men; even harder when I know some people in my life who I've known for years and who've only known me to date men, seem to doubt me and not take me seriously when I tell them my feelings lol. Goldstar rhetoric is so damaging and such garbage honestly, like what is the benefit of making other lesbians feel bad for having had to contend with societal pressure to like men and internalized lesbophobia and general cisheteropatriarchy, and for needing time to figure themselves out? Like you said not everybody comes out the womb immediately knowing themselves, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Thanks again, for making me feel less alone in the struggles I've experienced ❤️

Yeah absolutely! I also feel/have felt a lot of shame and regret wrt my history with men and I'm pretty sure I'll always be struggling to forgive myself for that but unfortunately these things are often messy and confusing and even painful for a lot of us and it does the lesbian community as a whole a huge disservice to just disregard many of our experiences and relationships to lesbianism for what essentially amounts to some puritanical obsession with virginity. Thank you for sharing ❣

[hairy-lez]

The merging of the term "lesbian" to mean both homosexual women and women who philosophically don't like men so they only date people that don't identify as men despite not being innately repulsed or free of any attraction to them is so exhausting.

[normalbeast-downformaintenance]

Hi- lately I've been seeing people say that trans men, non-binary men, etc. can be lesbians bc the original definition of lesbian is queer attraction to women. To me, this feels like it's ignoring lesbian attraction to non-binary people, as well as the fact that labels change over time, like how lesbian no longer includes bi and pan sapphic attraction since, yknow, we have words for that now. Do you have any opinions or information on this subject? Thanks in advance!

If you've already seen people argue this position, I'd suggest asking them! However, I can absolutely give my two cents on this. When you say that the label changed overtime, can you point to when it started excluding mspec lesbians? The issue with labels is that not everyone using them have the same idea of what it means. If you ask older lesbians if a bi woman can be a lesbian, a lot of them would say "yeah, sure, she likes women doesn't she?". And we're not even talking lesbian elders here, we're just talking lesbians over the average tumblr age range. The fact is, people just won't all agree on what is the one definition of every queer label, with no exceptions and ifs and buts. I got a friend who's just one generation above me who's an mspec lesbian. Now, I'd like us to take a look at why a trans man or a nonbinary man would consider themselves a lesbian. Usually they're people who figured out their attraction to women before they figured out their gender, and thus found the lesbian community earlier in their lives. Figuring out your gender doesn't have to change your sexuality, your attraction might be the exact same as it was before, and if you've already labeled your attraction like this previously and feel comfortable with it, why shouldn't you continue? Many trans people are still welcome in the lesbian communities they belonged to before they transitioned, and why not? Gender is fucky wucky.

There's also the fact that straight men often have a,,,weird culture around romance and attraction and someone coming from a queer space previously might feel very alienated from straightness as a result.

As for "The original definition of lesbian is queer attraction to women", that's not the whole of it, and I can definitely see how that would feel excluding to nonbinary people and lesbians attracted to nonbinary people. But, well, originally, lesbian just meant any woman who slept with other women, it was a sexual practice, not so much an orientation. Like you said, labels change overtime. "The original definition of lesbian is queer attraction to women" is just a simplification. If you don't like that definition, you don't have to accept it as the One True Meaning. Does "queer attraction centered around women" feel more like the lesbianism you know? I know several lesbians that would very much agree with the later definition.

Okay to sum it up:

Labels are descriptions, not definitions, and they don't mean the same to everyone.

Your gender doesn't have to change your sexuality

The "attraction to women" without including any other gender in "The original definition of lesbian is queer attraction to women" is not the point you need to focus on in the discussion of whether or not trans men or nonbinary men can be lesbians, so you might as well go "nah that doesn't seem right" and listen to the rest of the argument. I'm not a lesbian. I'm not a transmasc lesbian, I'm just the queer guy who works with lots of other queer people and have heard a lot of these discussions overtime and am relaying what I've heard. If you'd rather talk to a lesbian about it, look for the lesbians. (And keep away from the goldstars and the terfs if you want an insightful answer.) He/him lesbians often have great insight into the matter!

[positivityforlesbians]

Hallucinating at the fact that I saw a “sapphic” blog with “goldstars don’t interact” (among other things of course) in their bio. How are you going to spread positivity for lesbians if you reject lesbians who haven’t fallen in the traps of our homophobic society ? If we lived in an ideal society, one where lesbians aren’t pushed to have sex with men because society sees homosexuality as a “wrong” and - for female homosexuality - “inconsequential” action, then we would all be goldstars. We would all realize when young “oh I’m a lesbian” and just date women after that, without being coerced into a sexuality we don’t want to have. To hate on a specific category of lesbians (whether that be goldstars or non-goldstars) is lesbophobic and you should know it. Doing that while having a blog that prides itself in spreading self-love as sapphic women (lesbians and bi women) is especially vile. Correct your ways, we deserve better. ✨

[butch-reidentified]

Jsyk that gossip blog anon has been lying and making up stuff about goldstars this entire time to support her narrative that sleeping with men makes you more oppressed than being outed young and kicked out of your house. I do commiserate, but you just love the opportunity to trauma dump and shit on goldstars calling out the crazy number of political lesbians active in radblr, and you're supporting one of RFA's more unhinged regulars to do so.

Me, mentioning gold stars on Tumblr for literally the first time EVER: I love the fuck out of gold stars but there's ppl in every group who lack perspective

Your dumb ass: you love shitting on gold stars

Bro are you deadass rn 💀 this is such an obnoxious ask and such a blatant and false misrepresentation of me and what I said. Delusional behavior tbh

I don't even remember off the top of my head who I reblogged that from and I'm not terminally online enough to know what random Tumblr users are known for

And you need to learn the difference between trauma dumping and speaking up about incredibly important topics that don't get much attention. I have repeatedly spoken on how I've healed from my trauma and am doing well, so by nature it can't be trauma dumping because there is no current pain attached. And further, trauma dumping is inflicting heavy emotional disclosures about trauma in inappropriate contexts. My blog is never an inappropriate context bc it's /my fucking blog/ you goober. I am incredibly open and honest about every aspect of my life and experiences, positive or negative, trauma or joy, because I believe in doing that to help others find their voices. But I'm not gonna stop speaking up and using my voice so that other people feel safe and able to. I don't care what you think of me as a result x

Stay mad

[baphomilf]

tagged by @ahhwhocaresanyway for this uh survey thingy, thanks ^^

Name: Id rather not so, Jelly is fine

gender: female

star sign: leo

height: 5′8/173 cm

time: 2.37pm

birthday: 7th Aug

fav band: Placebo or System of a Down

fav artist: I uh, dont have one, who ever did the mother sheep and the crows idk

song stuck in my head: Gehenna, Slipknot

last movie i watched: the  Peanut butter Falcon

last series: the haunting of bly manor

blog age: like 10 days (but my other blog is gonna be 6 this year)

content: mostly just kinky stuff, gorgeous people and a bit of positivity

last google: how to play age of empires on mac;;;;;

side blog: i dont have one, i have a whole separate account for my regular blog

do you get asks: only the goldstar lesbian spam ask so far <3

URL meaning, i love Moon jellyfishes, but i wanted this url to not be connectable to my main, and the bitch is just for funzies

following: 82

followers: 18 <3

average hours of sleep: i cant cope without like 7-9

lucky number: 8 i guess

instruments: piano, guitar and violin

clothes: goth, glamorous aunty, jellyfish

dream job: uhh anything wildlife conservation related

favourite food: pumpkin soup

nationality: Australian

favourite song: shit thats a hard one..... maybe Plasticine by Placebo

last book: Where song began by Tim Low

holy moly lmfao

I dont know anyone here well enough to tag yall, but interact with the post if you wanna be tagged in future !

[starlightomatic]

Are you a Gold Star lesbian? (Just in case you don't know what it means, a Gold Star lesbian is a lesbian that has never had the sex with a guy and would never have any intentions of ever doing so)

I’m bi and I’ve had six boyfriends 😂

In my first-ever queer relationship now actually!!

Also just not super into the goldstar idea bc in addition to the biphobic undertones (in the sense that it positions wlw who’ve never been with a man as “better” or “more pure”), it also shames lesbians who’ve been with men due to comphet, and I’ve also seen it deployed against lesbians who’ve been with trans women

Plus there’s also the fact that a lot of trans men were part of lesbian communities in much of the 20th century, and presumably sleeping with one of them in that context wouldn’t have made someone not a goldstar, so it’s just... it just feels like it’s hard to disentangle the concept from potential transphobia