#going to print this out and frame this on my wall i swear

[koifsssh]

MY HKNEST REACITINNAHAAAAAAAAAAAA

A Dreamer among the stars...

heheee couldn't resist drawing @koifsssh little guyyyy. Rainy, ohhhh Rainy my beloved...He's just a guy (he lives in my heart you guys I love him sm)

[1d1195]

Sunflower

~7.2 k words

From Me: Requested by my 🍓-anon. Sorry it took some time. I took a couple liberties (mostly because I love food a lot so I couldn't make it taste bad hahahaha) I hope you like it! I'm going to post your ask with the request tomorrow. 💕 Right now it's just the one part (but I feel like some may want a second).

Warnings: fluffy and a bit of jealous Harry. Nothing too angsty though this time around.

Summary: Harry has a high paying job that allows him to eat at some of the finest restaurants in the city. But the little bistro that has good drinks and a great staff is by far his favorite. Or maybe it's the waitress he can't get out of his head that has him coming back so often.

“Are you sure this is the place?” Sarah looked skeptical.

“I swear,” Mitch smiled. “I know it doesn’t look like much, but the drinks are good and so are the apps.”

Harry watched the banter of his two best friends. “How did you even come across this place?” Sarah asked as Mitch held the door open for her to enter. Harry took hold of it so Mitch could follow after her. There were no more than fifteen tables and a bar. It was fairly dark but in a good way.

If anything, it contrasted sharply with the sunflowers at nearly every turn. There was a mural painted on the back wall of bright flowers against the dark paint. Each table had a bright blue glass vase with a single sunflower stem in the middle of the table. The aprons the staff wore were covered in a floral print of a garden of sunflowers. It was stunning. Bright and beautiful.

“Aptly named,” Sarah smirked.

Harry chuckled. “S’nice,” he agreed.

Harry and Sarah continued their observation while Mitch waited patiently at the host stand. “I came here for lunch with a client,” he said answering Sarah’s earlier question. “Their friend owns it.” After another moment they were brought to a table. There weren’t many people there; given they were there at two in the afternoon on a Saturday it wasn’t so surprising. The bar was nearly filled, several patrons seemed to be regulars as they got a say in what sporting event got to be on the TV. Only two other tables were filled and there was no need for a bustling staff. “I came for dinner, and it was full capacity with a line. But when you know the owner, you get a table early. They have a little outdoor patio around back too but it’s seasonal.”

The three of them looked over the menu in silence. Until Sarah broached the subject of getting one of every type of appetizer and then there was their daily debate of which appetizer was best and maybe they would have to do one of each since they wouldn’t be able to decide which was best.

Their debate was interrupted by the waitress coming over to introduce herself.

“Hi everyone, welcome to The Sunflower Bistro, have you been here before?”

“I have,” Mitch smiled. “We’re arguing over an appetizer, what do you think?”

Without pausing, she didn’t help the debate. “Oh, one of each,” she giggled.

“See! I told you!” Sarah lightly smacked Mitch’s arm.

This only made her smile grow. “Can I take your drink order while you narrow your choices?” She asked.

There was an exchange of words. Words Harry didn’t hear. But then Sarah and Mitch were looking at him expectantly.

“Harry?” Mitch asked.

“A drink, hello?” Sarah laughed.

Quickly he shook his head. “Sorry,” he cleared his throat, his eyes glancing down at the menu but unable to read anything. “Just water for now,” he murmured unable to make eye contact with her.

“I’ll be right back,” her voice was sweet and pretty.

“Are you alright?” Mitch asked.

“She’s beautiful,” Harry mumbled. “I can’t even look at her.”

When he saw her approach, he was immediately tongue-tied. Overwhelmed. It was like seeing the ocean for the first time. Or a garden. Or a painting in a museum. There wasn’t a way to pinpoint what made her so beautiful. It seemed to be everything. The way her hair was clipped behind her head and just a few soft pieces framed her cheeks. Her bright smile. Her sparkling eyes. The way the sunflower apron cinched her hips. All of it. Or none of it. She was beautiful. Overwhelmingly so. Harry swore he forgot how to breathe. He had been in love before—at least he thought he had been. This wasn’t comparable.

So he couldn’t even look at her.

Sarah giggled. Enjoying the way her friend’s face turned pink at the admission. Mitch smiled. “Aw Harry’s got a crush!”

“Shut up, she’ll hear!” Harry snapped and put the menu in front of his face, hiding from the rest of the restaurant.

“Oh my God,” Sarah laughed. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“I could not look at her,” Harry mumbled putting the menu over his face.

“She’s very pretty,” Sarah agreed and reached out to squeeze Harry’s arm. “But you have to look at her.”

Harry’s heart was racing. Like he was sprinting on the treadmill or in the middle of a phone call with an important client. Harry had been nervous before. The exams in college, his first interview, on-boarding new clients. This wasn’t comparable either. “I really don’t think I can, Sarah.”

“Did we make any decisions?” Her kind voice returned, and Harry scanned the menu eagerly, his cheeks still flushed, he was sure.

“Honestly, no,” Sarah laughed. “We’ve been admiring how beautiful this place is.”

And you, Harry thought.

“Oh, I know, it’s practically dreamy working here. The sunflowers are the perfect flower. It’s so sunny and fun,” she explained.

“Have you worked here long?” Mitch asked.

“Yes, since it opened. My friend owns it. It’s like a family kind of thing around here. It’s so nice,” she looked so happy to talk about this place. Passionate. “Niall’s really nice about me going to school and getting me the shifts I want.”

“Oh, that’s so nice! What are you studying?”

Harry wanted to involve himself in the conversation, but he was so speechless by her kind sweet presence, it was impossible to think of a word to say to her. He was grateful his two friends were there to carry the flow of dialogue because it was apparent Harry was going to be useless in that regard.

“Harry also went for a degree in finance,” Sarah segued to look at Harry. He missed her response. That was evident. He would ask when she went back to place their orders what was said specifically.

He looked at her, fully. He hoped he wasn’t staring at her to the point that she wanted to hide and run away from him because he was being a creep. After a pause that was a brief longer than he would have liked, he cleared his throat. “I graduated a couple years ago. I work for a large accounting firm,” it was a miracle he didn’t stutter from how nervous he was. He was holding the menu still to keep his hands from shaking.

Her smile brightened. She looked genuinely happy for Harry. He imagined she was anything but disingenuous, but still. For a complete stranger, who could barely utter two sentences to her, she bubbled with excitement at this knowledge of getting to know him. “Oh! That’s amazing! Nice to meet you, Harry. I’m graduating this spring,” she explained. “I’m super nervous about the whole internship process...I feel like it’s super difficult and overwhelming.”

“Harry’s still in touch with the person he did his internship with,” Mitch volunteered.

He wasn’t. At least...not to the degree that Mitch was suggesting. “Well, I’ll have to give you my card,” she winked at him. “I’ll give you a few more minutes to decide on appetizers.”

Harry felt some kind of crushing relief to watch her walk away. Which was ridiculous because the moment she was gone, he realized how badly and stupidly he wanted her to come back. He could barely even talk to her, but her presence made him happy. Deliriously so.

Sighing, he turned to Sarah. “Am I ruining m’first impression?” He asked.

Sarah smiled and shook her head. “Not at all.”

Harry really hoped not. “I’ve never felt like this,” he mumbled and decided bare minimum, he needed to pick something to eat. At least he could repeat it in his head a few times before she returned and not embarrass himself while ordering.

Hopefully.

*

Like the perfect waitress, she came back to check their food was good and their drinks were refilled. Mitch was right. The drinks were good and so was the food. “Can I get you guys anything else?” She asked sweetly. Fortunately, Harry managed to order his own food without Sarah or Mitch’s help. He didn’t stammer and didn’t make a fool of himself in front of her.

“No thank you,” Sarah turned to Harry. “Did you want to give her your card as well?” She asked. Harry felt like he was having an allergic reaction. His skin felt hot, and he thought that his throat was closing. Part of him wanted to kick Sarah beneath the table but a small piece of him was grateful for her direction and encouragement because it was evident he couldn’t do this on his own. He was prepared to give her his whole wallet. Credit cards, cash, anything in there was hers.

“Er...right,” Harry fumbled, his hands shaking as he opened it.

Harry tried to keep his breath under control as their fingers brushed when she took the card from him. His heart was working triple the beating time it was supposed to from the soft touch that couldn’t have lasted more than a second. “Oh goodness, my card doesn’t look anything like this,” she frowned. “Please don’t judge how ridiculous it is, I thought it was cute and memorable,” she pulled a few cards from her apron pocket.

It was cute and memorable. He didn’t want her to change a thing. The top corners were webbed with a little sunflower vine. Otherwise, the card was white with a half-print, half-cursive font covered in blue. “Well, aren’t you a Jane-of-all-trades,” Sarah laughed. She had listed tutoring, babysitting, painting, lawn-mowing, cleaning, etc.

“Gotta pay the bills somehow,” she admitted. She sighed. “I’m grateful to Niall as I’ve steered away from most of those odd jobs that my dad taught me,” she laughed again. “Waitressing, despite everything, is a lot more stable while I’m still in school. I made that when I was fresh out of high school. It needs a serious update.”

“Harry, where did you make your business cards?” Mitch asked.

If this were a regular day and Harry wasn’t so tongue-tied and nervous, he probably would have thanked his friends for their effort to support him in being his wingman and wingwoman. But he was so out of sorts, so unbelievably captivated and captured by her, he couldn’t fully use his brain. It was embarrassing. If she had even an inkling that he liked her, she probably wasn’t going to reciprocate merely because he was so embarrassing to listen to. There was no way someone so pretty would like him and his inability to speak.

What would their dates even look like? Her voice was so nice, like a song he hadn’t heard since he was young. The kind of song that made him believe in love even though he was young. Her laugh was probably adorable. Her smile was adorable so it could only be so. But she would want conversation. Right? Was she just to chat about her day and her feelings and Harry wouldn’t be able to do anything but stare at her? Admiring how pretty she was?

Actually, that sounded like a pretty decent plan for Harry. But she deserved more.

So instead, he cleared his throat once more. “S’online. I’d have t’look up the website. But yours is memorable,” he assured her. “I like the colors.”

“Thanks, Harry,” God he loved the sound of her voice saying his name. Her adorable smile was so sweet he felt his heart melting. “It definitely needs an update now that I’m about to graduate though, please let me know if you find the website.”

Harry wanted to tell her that he would give her whatever she wanted for as long as they lived and then in their next life too. But instead, he simply nodded and tucked her card safely into his wallet.

*

“This is insane,” he mumbled to himself as he pulled the door out of the way. It had been two days since he left The Sunflower Bistro and the pretty, sunflowery girl he was completely enamored with after hardly speaking to her. While her phone number weighed heavily in his wallet, he couldn’t bring himself to call her. Worried he wouldn’t be able to get a word out when she answered.

How he thought he was going to talk to her without Sarah and Mitch as a buffer was beyond him, but he couldn’t walk past this place either knowing he could see her and try to make up for his tragic first impression. “Hey Harry!” She said walking by the hostess stand. “Nice to see you again! Niall, can you put him in my section?” She asked.

Harry felt the words die in his throat, so he was glad he didn’t have to speak to Niall.

“A regular, hmm? Took you long enough,” Niall called after her.

“Had to hold out for a good one!” She shouted back and disappeared behind a door.

Harry wondered if all those times he had been in love before were real. His chest was fluttering with some emotion he hadn’t felt before then. It was a longing that filled every ounce of his lungs, every cell of his blood. Every inch of him. Like some kind of homing sound was coming from her and echoing in his body. He felt so unbelievably whole when he looked at her. Like he was seen.

Niall brought Harry to a table and smiled at him as he left.

“Hey! I was hoping you’d text or call, I figured it was my crummy card that deterred you. Or maybe it was unreadable,” that laugh of hers was a melody Harry wasn’t going to forget for the rest of his life. She leaned on the opposite side of the booth looking at him. Her hair was pulled back the same way as it was the other night. Silky and pretty. Harry wanted to slide his fingers through it more than anything. Her smile that had haunted all his thoughts at work and made him grin at his computer screen like a lunatic was also still just as earth shatteringly beautiful as last time. Made him tongue-tied just as he was last time.

“Um...yeah, no...,” he managed to smile at her joke. “M’jus’...” he shook his head trying to think of a reasonable excuse that would make any sense as to why he hadn’t called the pretty girl yet.

“Hey, no worries; I’m sure work keeps you busy!” Her voice was cheerful. “I’m glad to see you, is all. Are your friends coming?” His heart nearly stopped that she was glad to see him.

“Not this time,” he hoped that wouldn’t disappoint her because then he would call Mitch and Sarah and order them over. He still had a right mind to do so. Seemed to be the only way he would be able to talk to her more than a few mumbled words.

“Alright, well I’ll let you mull over the menu while I grab you a water. Unless you want something else?”

Drinking alcohol around her might make him fully mute. Or make him spill every thought he had. Without his friends as a buffer, both seemed heinous. “Water’s good.”

“I’ll be right back,” she flitted off like she was floating. Harry believed she was an angel so that made sense.

“C’mon Harry,” he mumbled to himself looking over the menu deciding what he would try today. He was fortunate the food was so good, and it would give him an excuse to come back more times than probably necessary so he could see her again.

“Here you are!” She practically chirped, setting his glass of water in front of him. She leaned against the opposite side of the booth again. “Anything look good?” She asked.

Her.

“Um...m’a fan of street corn,” he scanned the menu again.

“That’s probably my favorite app on there—or the pretzel bites with queso. It shouldn’t work but it does. The veggie soup here is criminally underrated but it’s not really soup season so no fault there. I’ll give you a couple more minutes,” she sauntered off again with her kind smile.

Harry wondered what her favorite song was and why she got into finance. He wanted to ask her what her least favorite subject was in school and what kind of music she listened to while she was cooking. Knowing her favorite candle and what kind of shampoo she used seemed like critical information he needed to know. He wanted to know how many siblings she had and whether or not she would want two kids or three.

All of which was ridiculous.

And further proof Harry had never been in love with anyone before he saw her.

*

Harry visited on Mondays and Fridays. It was a good way to start his week and a great way to end his week. Seeing her bookended by the workweek was nothing short of perfect.

He did this for three weeks. Niall merely smiled, as if he knew why he was there. Harry could feel his cheeks turn pink each time the staff gave him a knowing smile. It was obvious he was there to see her. To be placed in her section. “Hey Harry!” She chirped when he sat at his regular table.

Mitch and Sarah joined him twice more since the day they brought him. He was less tongue-tied but nearly just as shy. They gave him an immense amount of shit for being so smitten. But Sarah thought it was adorable. “You could just ask her out.”

“S’creepy,” he grumbled. “I doubt a waitress wants t’be hit on by their customer.”

“Right, coming twice a week just to see her isn’t creepy,” Mitch eyed him suspiciously as he sipped his drink.

Harry sighed in frustration and rubbed the heel of his hand into his eye. “I jus’—”

“Hey guys,” she nearly cooed so sweetly. Her cheeks turned pink. “I’m running a little behind today. I’m really sorry. This has been the longest double in the world,” her smile was still adorable. But she did look tired. Poor thing. “We’re down a server. And a line cook,” the exhaustion she felt was palpable.

“Oh, you poor thing,” Sarah cooed. “Harry, scoot over, let her sit,” she ordered.

Harry did immediately. Simultaneously terrified and excited to be so close to her. “Oh, it’s alright. I just—”

“Seriously, darling,” Mitch smiled. “Sit,” he encouraged.

She did.

The warmth of her body rolled off her and wafted over Harry in waves. It was like a gentle hug. His heart was rapidly beating, as it always did but somehow even faster now that she was so close to him. “Thank you, my feet are killing me,” she sighed. “I need new shoes, but my car just ate up a big chunk of my paycheck,” she frowned. “When it rains it pours right?”

Harry was trying to figure out the best course of action to help her on every front. He already imagined her tip was going to be exorbitant and he hoped she wouldn’t be upset by that—because he truly wanted to help her. “Have y’eaten yet?” He asked softly.

She bit the inside of her cheek. “No, I have been running around like crazy. Totally missed my chance at lunch.”

“S’not good, love,” Harry frowned. He wanted to call her Miss Sunflower or something similar, but he had one neuron still keeping him sane and decided ‘love’ was more neutral than not.

She nodded in agreement. “I know, I shouldn’t even be sitting. I’m sorry to lay all that on you guys. You’re just the first nice group I’ve had all day. It’s like a break in itself—not that I won’t do what you need and—”

“Oh please,” Sarah rolled her eyes. “We can just fill this table for you if that will make your life easier. Don’t worry about us,” she assured her.

The relief on her face was so sweet. Harry struggled to not wrap her in a hug beside him. “Thank you guys. It’s so nice to see you. I’ve never had my own regulars before,” her smile was so cute Harry wanted to kiss every inch of her face. His skin felt warm sitting so close to her. Snaking his arm around her waist would be so easy, so effortless. “I’ll get you a round of drinks?” She asked as she stood from her seat beside Harry. “Anything to start with today?”

“Pretzel bites,” Harry blurted quickly. “Please.”

He hoped he could convince her to sit and have a few when they came to the table. “My favorite,” she grinned knowingly.

*

When Harry sat in her section, she knew it was going to be a good day. His sweet smile, his easy-going nature, and just his kind presence made her shift immensely better. “He’s here again,” Niall sang as he headed to the kitchen where she was putting together a to-go order for one of her tables.

Her cheeks warmed under Niall’s sing-song tone. “If your food wasn’t so good he wouldn’t be here.”

“Darling, he’s not here for the food,” Niall sounded the slightest bit exasperated. He had repeated himself of the same notion since the second time Harry showed up to be seated in her section. “If he was truly here for the food, would he have left you a massive tip like that to get new shoes?”

The implication was there, and maybe she was having a little more trouble ignoring it after getting way more money from him and his friends than she had ever gotten while waitressing. Her achy feet felt so much better with new shoes too. So, part of her struggled to ignore the fact that Harry was maybe, possibly, there because she was.

Harry never made her feel uncomfortable. In fact, she felt nothing but comfort by seeing him. He was quiet, sweet, and very easy to look at. It took considerable strength for her to not stand at his table forthe entire time he was seated in her section. Mondays and Fridays were her favorite days of the week. Chatting with him (even if he seemed a little shy at times) was the best part of her shifts. His smile was so charming. She wanted to tell him everything about her reflexively. It was completely disarming. Or maybe it was how green and deep his eyes were that nearly made her voice die in her throat. It took a lot of effort to remember her job was to go get drinks and food for him at regular intervals.

She really thought he wanted no part of her when she didn’t even get a text message from him after procuring one of her lame cards. Certainly, with silly little flowers and dumb odd jobs listed, he wanted to steer clear of her. But instead, he showed up a few days later in her section. It made her stomach twist with nervous butterflies flitting inside. There were a thousand thoughts running through her head as she admired her handsome customer from afar.

“Hi Harry,” she smiled sweetly as she approached his table. “How are you?” She asked politely.

“Good, how are you?” He answered.

“Good,” she responded. “I got new shoes,” she pointed a toe toward him for him to look at the new sneakers she chose. “That was extremely kind and overwhelming. You didn’t need to do that,” she bit the inside of her lip. “I tried to stop you guys from leaving once I realized, but Niall—”

“S’nothing, love,” his cheeks turned the lightest shade of pink at the compliment. Her heart skipped a beat at how adorable he was and looked. “Was a long day for you. I jus’ wanted t’help a little.”

She nodded feeling gratitude overwhelm her—it was thick in her throat. “Seriously, thank you,” she hoped he understood how appreciative she was. “No one’s ever done something like that for me before.”

“S’really no trouble,” he assured her with a smile that melted each of her organs to a puddle. She was lucky she stayed upright.

“I’ll...I’ll be right back,” she turned and bumped into the table that was behind her causing the chair to scrape across the floor.

“Are y’okay, love?” Harry asked suddenly behind her. He gently touched the back of her arm creating a plethora of fireworks on her skin and in her heart. She shook her head and blushed nervously.

“I’m good. Clumsy me. I’ll get you your drink,” she nearly sprinted toward the bar so as not to embarrass herself further.

*

She was chatting with Harry, leaning against the booth. It was easy. Harry wasn’t a man of many words, but he was a great listener and when he did talk, everything he said was so kind and genuine. It was like talking to an old friend. Someone who just knew what she was thinking without her having to say much. There was this familiarity that was so warm it wrapped around her like a blanket. It made her feel so comfortable in his presence.

She never wanted to stop talking to him. Which was probably why she didn’t. Poor Harry listened to her chat his ear off for hours during the time he came to visit over the couple months of the semester. His quiet, “what’s that like?” Or, “do you enjoy this class?” And, “do you have a recommendation?” just kept her talking and talking.

It was hard for her to fathom Harry was there for her. Harry was graduated, had a real job, and made a ton of money it seemed if he was willing to tip a poor waitress an obscene amount of money for new sneakers. His clothes were nice, and his hair was perfectly styled. He always looked like he was ready for a business call.

His friends were extremely nice and friendly. They were also put together in a way that she never dreamed she could be so it was hard to imagine a situation in which Harry might possibly, kind of, have a crush on her the way she had one on him.

She was mid conversation with Harry. The fall semester had end and she was going to pick up more shifts somehow but was definitely going to catch up on sleep as well. She was praying that Harry would put her out of her pining misery and tell her he had a girlfriend one of these days. “You have to try this new dish! It has the brussels sprouts you like and—”

She was swept directly off the floor mid-sentence and was wrapped in a hug. It was familiar in a way that was different than the familiarity of Harry. Because she was used to this kind of hug. “Hey beautiful,” he cooed in her ear.

She smiled excitedly. “Hi, Jake! I thought you weren’t starting till this weekend!”

“I’m not, but I was nearby and thought I could use a dose of pretty,” he winked and headed toward the kitchen without another word.

She blushed and shook her head. “Sorry,” she murmured and turned to look at Harry again and finish the sentence she had started. “Anyway, the brussels spr—”

Harry had come to the restaurant in a lot of moods over the last few months. Tired, frustrated, happy, stressed, excited...she was pretty good at reading his expression and deciding what he needed or wanted to make his day better. This expression was unreadable. His jaw was tensed creating a sharp angle at his jawline she was sure it could have cut glass. His eyes were blank but watching her intensely. All of his muscles appeared taut—his posture ramrod straight. It almost looked uncomfortable. “Are you okay?” She asked softly.

Harry blinked, shook his head quickly, and cleared his throat. “Uh...yeah. Sorry,” he reached for his glass of water and took a large gulp. “Y’were saying something ‘bout brussels sprouts,” he reminded her.

She bit the inside of her lip feeling a shift in the air around them. Something she couldn’t quite pinpoint. “Oh, right...just...I think you’ll like the special.”

He nodded. Still completely unreadable. “I’ll try it, thank you.”

“I’ll go...put that in,” she murmured and headed toward the kitchen.

The kitchen was still greeting Jake when she entered. Everyone was listening to him recount his semester abroad. “Whoa, did you see a ghost?” Niall asked, doing a double take when she entered.

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “No, it’s nothing,” she punched her code into the computer and tapped the meal for Harry.

“Did Harry tell you he has a girlfriend?” Niall pressed.

“No,” she muttered, her cheeks burning red. She grabbed a plate off the shelf for the other table she was waiting on and made sure it had all the extra sides and things. She grabbed the second dish and placed it on her arm.

“Who’s Harry?” Jake asked.

“The love of her life,” Niall told him.

“Shut up, Niall.”

He chuckled. “Oh? Were you going to tell me about him?”

“I’m a bit busy right now.”

“You couldn’t text me?” Jake asked. Jake had been her best friend on the job since Niall opened the sunflowery place. They were a great dynamic duo. But Jake was into dating a lot of different women and that was totally fine and his prerogative. She didn’t judge him at all for being young and doing what he wanted. But she wanted no part of his love life. So they remained friends and it was truly better that way. He would bail her out if a customer was being rude or coming on too strong. She helped him with his math homework and made sure he remembered to drink something other than protein shakes and alcohol on the weekend.

“There’s nothing to write home about,” she mumbled, lying through her teeth and feeling devastated that something in the air shifted between them in a matter of seconds.

Niall snorted in disbelief. She glared at him. Jake smiled impishly while she gathered the final fixings for the table. “Where is he?” He asked as she pushed on the door.

“Jake,” she choked nearly losing the plate in her left hand.

“Niall, do you know him?” He looked expectantly at him. He smirked, opening his mouth to give him the details.

“Uh—”

“Niall!” She snapped. Niall closed his mouth immediately and shrugged at Jake.

She sighed with relief and pushed through to the restaurant floor. “Table thirty-four!” he shouted, muffled by the closed door. She glanced back to see him hovering over the computer.

It took every ounce of self-control to hold onto the dishes in her arms. She wanted to scream. She hurried to her table to deliver the food, prayed they wouldn’t ask for anything additionally, and then she nearly took out another waiter while running for Harry’s table on the other side of the restaurant.

Jake was letting go of Harry’s hand as she approached, and she shoved Jake out of the way. “I don’t know what he said but it’s not true.”

Harry smirked, a good sign of his normal smile and demeanor. “Y’not friends?” He questioned.

She punched Jake in the arm who barely registered the motion other than lightly rubbing his arm without breaking eye contact with Harry. “Not anymore,” she grumbled.

“She’s my work wife,” Jake said wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “Can’t get her to commit to being my actual wife.”

“Don’t want any diseases,” she muttered. The blank, cold stare in Harry’s eyes returned and she felt so warm she tried to push against Jake but was unsuccessful. “Harry is also in finance,” she explained. “He offered to help me make a new business card—”

“Thank God,” Jake interrupted.

“—and he might know someone for an internship.”

Harry’s answer was gentle even though the cold stare didn’t waver. “Don’t think y’need t’change the business card all that much, love. S’sweet.”

“Childish and unprofessional,” she said pointedly.

“Agreed,” Jake squeezed her to his side. “Thanks for keeping her company while I was gone,” he said. Harry wasn’t a man of many words. But his facial expressions made up for it. He smiled politely, nodded, and glanced at his phone ringing.

“I have t’take this,” his voice was tight, apologetic.

“Of course, let’s go,” she yanked on Jake and headed toward the kitchen again.

“Not sure why you like him, he’s pretty cold,” Jake taunted as they returned to the kitchen.

“Cold?” Niall asked. “Harry makes her feel all warm and fuzzy,” he teased. She wrinkled her nose and definitely felt warm at the insinuation.

“He’s... not himself today,” she admitted. “I don’t know why,” she frowned and turned to Niall. “It’s weird.”

“Darling, you can’t be this brilliant and that stupid at the same time,” Niall pinched the bridge of his nose.

Her frowned deepened and she felt resentment for the notion of being stupid. “What are you—”

“He’s jealous.”

“Of what?”

“Of Jake,” Niall rolled his eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

She snorted. “Why?” She blinked.

“Look at me,” Jake smiled proudly and gestured toward himself self-assuredly.

She eyed him briefly up and down. “What? You look like a tool who’s been abroad,” she remarked.

Jake shook his head, unaffected by her insult. “Think Harry might think I’m competition.”

“Why would he think that?”

“I mean, I did call you my wife.”

Niall laughed. “Oh God, poor Harry.”

Her face flamed. “I said we were friends!” She pouted. “Oh my God. Go back abroad,” she shoved him toward the door. “You are the worst.”

“Easy, love,” Jake continued to taunt, this time in Harry’s accent. “I can fix it,” he offered and headed back for Harry’s table quicker than she could catch him. But when they got there, his table was empty. A note scribbled on a napkin in Harry’s writing. Family emergency. Sorry :( Was looking forward to the brussels sprouts. You can have it on me. Next time. He left cash for the food and a tip anyway. Even though he never got his meal.

She pocketed the money and punched Jake in the arm one more time for good measure.

*

“You’re being ridiculous, you know that, right?” Sarah asked. “I know we aren’t best friends with her or anything, but she’s really nice. She wouldn’t lead you on like that.”

Harry knew that. Really, he did. But the emotion he was feeling wasn’t rational. Jake called her his wife and had his arm around her. He hugged her like he loved her. Harry was certain Jake loved her. Even in a way that wasn’t necessarily romantic, but it was...unfair. Unfair that Harry hadn’t told her he liked her. Nervous that he would make her uncomfortable by hitting on her while she was working.

“She wasn’t leading me on at all,” Harry murmured.

“All the more of a reason to not be ridiculous,” Sarah and Mitch had taken turns telling him it was childish to ignore her after all those months of chatting with her and entrenching himself as a regular and then to just not because he was jealous.

“Just because you’re jealous—”

“M’not jealous,” he grumbled.

“Right, because someone who’s not jealous would leave before he got his food because her friend called her his work wife. Someone who’s not jealous would suddenly stop being her regular after months.”

Like clockwork.

Harry was lying on the couch at Sarah and Mitch’s place face down trying to ignore the feeling of his heart breaking. No one said anything for several minutes. Sarah was working on cleaning the kitchen when Harry arrived, and Mitch suggested getting pizza. Harry wasn’t even hungry. Well, he was, but he wanted brussels sprouts.

“I might be jealous,” he admitted.

“Hallelujah,” Sarah sighed. “Talk to her.”

“Don’t y’think she’ll be grossed out that ‘ve basically been...stalking her because I like her?”

“Hello!” Sarah nearly shouted. “She likes you too!”

Harry was flooded with warmth at the idea. “She’s never said anything,” he mumbled.

“You’re her customer,” Mitch rolled his eyes. “As worried you’ve been about flirting with her while she’s working. She’s probably just as worried.”

It couldn’t have been that easy or simple.

Could it?

*

Harry was reading his schedule for the day on his computer. They were regular appointments with clients that he had in on a regular basis. He had just returned from the breakroom after an hour-long meeting and was seeing what was next or if he would have some downtime for paperwork in before his next client. The schedule looked normal. Except for the one meeting blocked off for ten-thirty. “Hey, Kate,” he called to his secretary outside his office. “Do y’know who scheduled—”

But Harry wasn’t paying attention to the time, and it was already ten-twenty-five and she walked into his office.

He dropped the pen he was holding above the calendar. His lips parted as she entered.

“Your ten-thirty is here!” Kate called.

Harry was going to fire her.

It had been two weeks since he had seen her. He wasn’t sure how it was possible, but she looked more beautiful. Or maybe it was because his office was light, mostly the sun coming through the windows and made her practically glow. Like she really was a sunflower. “Hi,” he murmured.

She wasn’t in her typical waitressing uniform. Her hair wasn’t pulled back. Harry didn’t know she could be more beautiful than when she was waitressing, but she was wearing regular clothes, a blue dress that fell to her knees and she seriously took on the beauty of a sunflower, it was astounding. “Hi,” she said.

“Y’can close the door,” he offered. “D’you want something t’drink?” He turned away from her and heard the door click shut. He went to the mini fridge on the back windowsill in the corner of his office holding a few small bottles of water. “Y’can sit,” he gestured to the chair. She did. He placed the bottle in front of her and sat across from her behind his desk. They were both silent for a moment. Harry took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

“Harry, I have this absurd love for numbers. People have looked at me funny since I was young. It’s like this really complicated puzzle in my head and I just want to solve it. None of the little parts make sense together until they do. The answer is so beautiful when all those pieces click, and the flow of your logic comes down to this one singular answer and it’s just perfect.”

Harry wondered if there had ever been a poem written about numbers. Or if what she said was the very first one. Harry was pretty passionate about his work, and he was glad he made pretty good money. But he didn’t think he could ever chat about numbers the way she did.

“I feel that way when I’m around you. That all this logic just beautifully clicks into place. You make me feel normal for liking numbers. You’re extremely kind and you don’t...” she bit the inside of her lip and looked at her hands in her lap. “I don’t know why I feel this way but you...you stopped coming to eat, I don’t know why, and I don’t know what I did. I want to fix it because I’ve enjoyed getting to know you and I thought we were friends. Then we weren’t. I liked picking out which special of the week you would enjoy. Maybe I’m too young or something to be friends? I can’t help that. Maybe it was because Jake called me child—”

“Don’t,” he shook his head unable to hear the name.

“So it is about him,” she frowned. “I don’t...Harry, it’s not fair to keep me out of the loop about what you’re feeling! I can’t fix whatever I did—”

“You didn’t do anything.”

“Then why did you stop coming to eat?” her voice cracked.

Harry wanted to jump out a window for making her feel insecure and nervous. If she cried he was done for. He sighed exasperated with his own miscommunication. His cheeks felt warm as they always did when he embarrassed himself around her. “Y’not too young,” he looked at her, but it felt like he was looking right through her. Like he could see right into her brain and read every word that was waiting to exit her mouth. “You’re not childish,” he affirmed. “You are...” He shook his head. “You are perfect,” he assured her. “I didn’t want t’ask y’out while y’were working. S’kinda rude. Then Jake called you his wife—”

“I’m gonna kill him,” she whispered.

Harry ignored her comment (even though it made his heart feel the slightest bit better). “—I really like you. I think you’re way too smart for me. Way too kind. And y’work in a place surrounded with beautiful sunflowers and I can’t stop looking at you,” his heart felt heavy, the butterflies in his stomach were trying to escape. He used every ounce of his effort to read her unreadable expression as he watched her process everything he said.

“You think I’m beautiful?” She whispered.

He snorted. Of all the things she could focus on at a moment like that. “Love, y’have t’know you are.”

She shook her head. “I’m always sweaty and working when you see me.”

“Well seems y’had some proper prep time today,” he looked at her with a soft gaze that he hoped didn’t seem too excessive. “Y’look more beautiful.”

Her eyes seemed to melt with relief. “You were jealous?” She asked.

“Course I was,” he nodded easily. Like it made the most sense in the world.

“But... you never said anything.”

“I didn’t want t’make you uncomfortable,” he repeated. “I can’t imagine how many people hit on you while you’re working.”

She frowned. “Naturally not the person I want,” she grumbled cutely. Harry felt lighter. He smiled.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

She shifted awkwardly in her seat but smiled. “I uh...I came here to tell you off.”

He chuckled. “I would deserve that,” he agreed. “I... I have something for you,” he opened the top right drawer to his desk. “Saw it, and...it's not much, but it reminded me of you," his eyes were so gentle it made her heart skip a beat. He held out the little cardboard rectangle. It might not have "been much" but it was everything. A thin gold chain, a sunflower crystal pendant the lightest shade of yellow. "Love?" he asked quietly after a moment of her staring at the most thoughtful gift she had ever received. For another moment they just gazed at one another. Unmoving. Harry was wearing a button down, rolled up to his elbows. He looked at ease, finally. His cheeks flushed. His eyes so green and beautiful. She could barely breathe.

Then finally, Harry spoke again.

"Would you like t'go out with me?"

--

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[jsprnt]

your vacation with your best friend doesn’t go as expected

jude bellingham x childhood best friend! reader

A/N: tuesday became thursday, but it’s up now!! based on this request!

W/C: 2.534

"wait for me! why are you walking so fast?!"

you shout, hurrying up and fastening your pace to match your best friend's younger brother's, jobe.

the white sandals on your matching white-polished feet, click-clack against the ground in repeated noises.

to some it would sound absolutely horrendous, it attracted attention from your surroundings. the sudden attention would make some squirmy, making them walk slower or even freeze in their spot.

to you, it was the sound of heaven. clicking flip-flops or sandals against the ground meant: warm weather and, of course, being on vacation.

"not my fault you're so much shorter.." the younger boy complains, black sunglasses framing his face- accompanied by his attitude, it made him look even more sassy.

"do jude and you, like- practice the same sentences or retorts?" you question, panting when you’re finally walking side by side.

"mhm, we have a whole book.." he hums sarcastically, and you swear you can see him roll his eyes through the black shades.

"of course, expected from the brothers who brainstorm instagram captions together.." you giggle at the memory, recalling the wrinkles and frowns on their face from overthinking so much. only for the final caption to be a single word or emoji..

"you don't understand.." jobe mumbles, throwing you a glance.

"it has to be absolutely perfect, it gives .."

"aura."

"aura.." you say the same word in unison, giving him a grin.

"yes, that book probably exists.."

"whatever, just come in..."

"I'm right behind you.." you speak, playing with the plastic bag in your hand as you both stand in the elevator. going up to your hotel room floor.

the white, tacky printed plastic bag was evidence of your quick aloe vera run to the local spanish pharmacy.

you knew, no matter the melanin in a persons skin. sun protection and after sun care were essential for everyone's health and wellbeing.

of course, jobe was nice enough to accompany you. in case you'd get scammed into paying twice the normal amount as a foreigner- who definitely didn't speak a lick of spanish.

well, jobe wasn't a pro either. though, his google translate expertise is always very welcome.

"okay, be ready in 45.."

"only? who said that?" you question, mentally calculating how you'll shower, do your makeup, and fix your hair in that time frame.

"jude just texted me.."

"isn't he the one who takes like an hour to do anything?" you scoff, pulling your room key out of your handbag.

"I don't know, y/n. would you be so kind to hurry up.." jobe gives you a fake smile, pushing you into your room.

"I'm gonna kill him if he's any later than me!" you exclaim, shutting your door.

you take a quick breath, quickly moving around your hotel room. you had your outfit and shoes picked out already, so you could speed through your routine without worrying about that.

you use every single minute properly, swinging your door open right at the 45-minute mark.

you adjust your dress, looking out your door to see both jude and jobe, leaning against the wall. jobe face deep into his phone.

"so.." you say, eyeing them carefully. though, your eyes stay glued on your best friend, jude.

the beige, linen shirt, complementing his, vacation bronzed skin tone perfectly. with his sleeves rolled up, you can feel your face heat up more than the current marbella weather.

just like, when you'd received a fat kiss on the cheek from a nine-year-old jude, back in year four, when you'd finally passed your time tables after trying so hard.

"you guys look nice, stylist?" you inquire, looking them up and down.

"all us.." jude chimes, proud smile on his face. eyes crinkling as the corners of his mouth curl up.

"mhm, improved.." you mumble, stepping out of your room and shutting your door. quickly tucking your room card in your clutch.

"okay, but you've improved so much. remember you almost died for those led, light-up sneakers? and now you're wearing high heels to go out.."

jobe pretends to shed a few fake tears, making you roll your eyes.

"come on, if we start talking about a fashion terrorist. you're number one on the list, before you even had a stylist or all this.."

"can't lie about that, man.." jobe laughs, already following you to the elevator. you don't notice the lingering eyes on you, jude's eyes stuck on your back.

eventually, after quite a cute taxi ride, with the driver coincidentally being a madridista, you arrive at the beach club. sun beaming down on your moisturized skin.

you quickly become busy with everyone around you, tipping back drink after drink.

you'd never been much of a social person, at least not before jude started dragging you to different parties or vacations.

I mean, it was difficult for you two to be apart from each other for so long. despite the fact that you lived so far from each other lately.

when you'd met back in primary school, at age six. your parents knew you would be joined by the hip for the rest of your lives.

playing in the sandbox, and building sand castles went to taking up football together. only for you to fall out after picking up a different hobby. while jude grew a sudden affection for the sport, making it his life goal to succeed in the football industry, just like his idols.

his focus and passion for the sport definitely stretched you both apart for a while. only for you guys to grow a stronger bond when he told you about his move to germany, to sign with bvb.

you became a busy university student, trying for the life of you to understand the effects of a torn acl for your next anatomy exam.

an aspiring orthopedic surgeon and a successful football player, made an interesting duo of friends.

you swirl the cosmopolitan in your hand, watching the pink liquid move in the clear glass with sudden interest.

you slowly pull yourself from your half-drunk trance, looking to your left, when you hear your best friend's name being shouted by an unfamiliar, shrill voice.

you watch as a blonde, fully made up lady touches jude on his shoulder. the light, but intimate touch makes you squint. a sudden ache starting to settle in your chest when you watch her perfectly manicured nails scratch against the fabric of his shirt, sleeves tight around his veiny biceps.

you clench your eyes closed, a sigh leaving your mouth before you move your head away from the sudden, torturous sight.

when you look down, you immediately notice your plain, stress-bitten nails. the sight is unsettling, though familiar- with all your exams, and your parttime job, piling stress on your body.

you run your fingers down your thumb nail, wishing you could fully enjoy your early twenties like the girl who just jumped into the pool, wearing the prettiest mini dress, without a care in the world. Or, like the other girl, who's mingling around, sniffling out a potential kiss or cuddle for the night.

you flicker your gaze back to jude, his hand going over to stabilize the blonde bombshell in front of him. keeping her up with a hand on his back, and a handsome smile on his face.

you bite your lip unconsciously, drawing blood when the girl smiles back. the blood mixes with your glittery gloss, making you swipe your tongue down your bottom lip.

jealousy, or whatever this was- it made you sick, nauseous. you tip your drink, the rest of the liquid entering your veins with fire.

love wasn't a first come, first serve..

you get up from your little seat, being back at the bar in no time to get yourself another one to soothe the burn and ache in your chest.

"y/n?" you look to your left, making eye contact with a relaxed-looking jobe. a can nursed in his right hand.

"you shouldn't drink, you're a baby.." you mutter, drunkenly ordering yourself a water.

alcohol cleaned up wounds right?

yes.

but, not emotional ones..

seeing jobe, so calm and collected, brings you back from your mental breakdown.

you knew, even with your common sense hanging by a single thread. your current predicament would never, ever switch up suddenly- just because you're actively damaging your liver.

"I'm above eighteen, 'member?" jobe speaks, eyes on the way you're sipping on your room temperature water.

"still a baby.." you mutter, giving him a look from above the rim of your glass.

he shivers, even with the weather reaching record temperatures, your scolding look scares him a little.

"mood swings? you were so jumpy and happy in the car.."

you groan, discreetly moving your head so jobe can see the sight you are being tortured with.

"he's literally just talking.."

"he's touching her everywhere.." you groan, looking up at jobe.

the younger boy knew about the way you secretly admired his older brother. it was difficult to hide after he'd stumbled upon a random note in your notebook when you were seventeen, containing pros and cons about dating jude, written by you.

you were so gone, the cons list was emptier than a pigeon's nest.

"he's not touching anyone, like at all. actually he's walking towards us.."

you gasp, eyes going wide as ever as you raise your head. afraid to look behind you in case he's right there.

"if you're lying, I-"

"what's all this? talking shit without me?"

you do a silent prayer, closing your eyes for a second before twisting your bar stool around.

you gasp when your chair wobbles, sudden, muscular arms wrapping themselves around your waist to keep you sitting down.

"you okay? drunk already, darlin'?"

you almost whimper at the nickname, clearing your throat when you jump out of your initial shock.

"mhm, had some water just now.."

torture, torture, and torture..

you clench your teeth uncontrollably, resting face looking something like you're about to explode..

"you don't look okay.." he mutters, bringing his hand up to cup your face, checking your temperature with his palm. 

"I'm fine.."

You shove his hands off, looking away. you try to keep your emotions at bay, the strings of your patience on the verge of snapping violently.

"I need- to go to the restroom.." you finally squeak, getting up and brushing shoulders with an incredibly confused jude.

the interaction garners a couple looks, and jobe immediately nudges jude. realizing he could become the match maker of the century..

"follow her, come on.." he urges, pushing his older brother away.

"I mean, did I say something wrong? Or did I do something bad?"

"go.."

the single worded response by jobe, has him following you. hot on your heels.

you gasp when you feel a sharp tug on your arm, getting pulled into a small room, right next to the staff room.

you blink, opening your mouth to scream bloody murder, but stop when you hear jude's voice.

"it's me, you're okay.."

he mutters quietly, and you can hear him rummaging around. finally, his hand makes contact with the light switch. the very dim light, making it possible to see him.

"what was that back there?" he questions, and just like the other occasions you've witnessed him being confused or angry, his accent thickens.

brown eyes stare into yours, and you shiver before looking away.

"said I'm fine, jude.."

"you cannot fool me, y/n. we've shared too many years together for me to not notice when you're not acting right." his hand reaches for yours, and you let him. like a love sick fool, you allow him to cross boundaries and enter your portal of comfort.

"you must like her, go ahead and date her.." you finally speak after a long silence, making jude's hold on your hand tighten.

"who?" he breathes, knotting his brows together with a frown. his heart begins thumping harder in his chest.

"the woman you were talking with..

you can feel immense embarrassment brewing in your chest. your breath shaky as you look back into his beautiful brown eyes.

"the woman I was - how does that indicate I like her? I can't talk with a woman, just because?"

you close your eyes in humiliation, biting your lip.

"is that not what it was?"

"chatting with a random person does not mean I fancy them.."

you clear your throat, no turning back now.

"oh, how else do you start showing you fancy someone? standing there like a robot?"

"you're unbelievably stupid.."

"I'm stupid?!" you question, voice high as your eyes widen in surprise.

your breath hitches when you feel a hand on your cheek, again jude's hand is warm. soft but his hold is rough around the edges. making sure you're looking directly into his eyes.

"you're so stupid, in the fifteen years of us knowing each other. have you, ever thought of why I've never brought a single girl home? introduced a girl as my girlfriend to you? to my parents even?"

your jaw closes, not a single peep leaving your lips.

you can feel his thumb rubbing soothing circles on your cheek, it gives you goosebumps instantly. your eyes not leaving his for a millisecond.

"now you won't even speak.."

he sighs, moistening his plump lips with the tip of his tongue.

the sight lures you in fully, the look of longing in your eyes, mixed with an unknown feeling of euphoria.

jude notices the eyes, those eyes made him melt every time he saw you. since the age of fourteen, you'd been the sole person who'd occupy the romantic emotions in his very heart and soul..

it's his cue, he thinks. this is it.

you're incredibly jealous, or sad he thinks. the way you're looking at him, all allured and eager.

without even realizing it, your lips inch closer. soft, warm breaths hitting each other's, makes you almost whimper. his hold on your jaw tightens, and he presses his plump lips against yours in a fervent kiss.

your hand reaches up to his bicep, the muscles on display the entire evening- tensing up under your needy touch.

he groans into the kiss, both eyes fluttering shut in relief.

a hand travels down to your waist, pads of his fingers making contact with the exposed skin on your midriff. softly running his hands down your burning skin.

he pulls back for air, your foreheads touching intimately as you both pant. lingering smile on your face when you look up at him.

"I love you and your pretty mouth, but next time don't jump to conclusions with this smart brain of yours.."

you chuckle. initial shock gone, earlier anger and frustration washed away by the single touch of his lips onto yours.

"I know, I'm sorry. I- I love you too.."

the words feel foreign falling from your lips, especially with knowing who's on the receiving end of your receptieve answer.

"why don't you just help me get used to your taste?”

he tilts your head, pressing a soft kiss against your temple.

after years of crushing, right now, within a heartbeat, he's yours.

[xmads-omensx]

Part 3

Word Count: 1,759

Pairing: Noah Sebastian X Reader

Content Warnings: fake dating, mild harassment, swearing

Tags: @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @lacy1986 @collidewiththesav @kenjipepsi1 @follow-me-down-to-wonderland @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @chey-h @amelia-acero @thisbicc @dominuslunae @enemiestolovershoe @xxkatsatwatwafflexx @thisbicc @fadingangelwisp

The next week or so had gone by smoothly.

Like clockwork, I would pack my things from my desk and get the elevator down to the lobby with Gabi and Ashley, whilst Stephen glared at us from the glass wall of his office.

Noah would be stood in the car park, leaning against his car and would pull me into a kiss or a hug depending on if he noticed Stephen watching from his office, which he did most days.

Thankfully, our little arrangement seemed to have warded Stephen off for the time being.

There had been no pointless meetings, which he spent questioning me on my personal life or just ogling me in my button up shirt.

There had been less arm touches. Granted, he hadn’t stopped, but I was grateful for the reduction of them nonetheless.

Our plan was going perfectly.

The only issue that I had faced was when Gabi pointed out that I didn’t have any photos of Noah and I on my desk. I had no photos at all on my desk besides a photo of my family dog, Rocket, who had been my partner in crime for as long as I could remember.

He was a brown labrador, he was getting older sadly, but I didn’t love him any less.

Besides me, Rocket loved Noah.

Everyone in the office knew how much I loved that dog.

Then it hit me.

If I put a photo of Noah and Rocket on my desk, then our relationship would be more plausible.

After work I made Noah drive me to the nearest Walmart so that I could print a photo I had taken of the two last Christmas and buy a nice frame for it.

“Why did you pick that one? I look stupid.” Noah exclaimed.

“No you look cute.” I defended with a sigh, already fed up of his complaining.

He had been like this ever since I had explained my idea of putting the photo on my desk.

“No, I look like an idiot. I am wearing a matching Christmas jumper with a dog. A fucking dog Y/N!” Noah laughed.

“Hey! Don’t be mean about Rocket, we both know you love him.” I exclaimed.

It was nice falling into this rhythm with Noah. We still joked around like nothing had changed, which technically it hadn’t, but something still felt off.

Our arrangement became like an inside joke within the group, seeing as it was quite hilarious seeing Noah and I scramble to act like a couple whenever we were nearby my office building or any of the coffee shops that Grace liked to frequent.

“Rocket hates me.” Noah huffed in response.

“Don’t be ridiculous Noah.” I scolded. “He barked at you ONE TIME  because you startled him. You know this.”

“Sure, whatever.” Noah stropped jokingly.

He huffed about the particular photo that I had chosen right up until he had dropped me back off at my place that evening.

When I put it on my desk in the office, I sent him a photo of it, to which he replied with the middle finger emoji, making me laugh.

The photo made our relationship more realistic in the eyes of my colleagues. If they believed the relationship was real, then Stephen was bound to believe it was real eventually.

“I see you and your little boyfriend are official now?” Stephen’s raspy voice, caused by years of smoking cigarettes, interrupted my momentary peace.

“We aren’t official now. We’ve been official for our entire relationship.” I sighed, frustrated that he was still sceptical about my relationship with Noah.

In fairness, the relationship was a lie, so I had nothing really to defend.

“And how long might that be?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Two years.” I replied simply, wanting this interaction to end.

“That’s a long time.” He said.

“yeah, I guess it is.” I said.

“Especially without a ring.” Stephen gestured at my left hand.

I stilled.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Gabi choke on the water she was drinking. It took all I had to not laugh at her reaction.

“We aren’t quite there yet.” I responded as deadpan as I could, just wanting this conversation to be over.

“Why not? You’re beautiful, and I’m sure Norman is a lot better once you get to know him.” Stephen said offhandedly, leaning on  my desk.

“Noah.” I curtly replied. “And, I’m not too sure that whether my boyfriend and I are engaged or not is any of your concern?”

I chose to ignore the fact that he called Noah unattractive, because he was clearly blind, but the whole interaction was irritating me.

“I just want my employees to be happy, is that a crime?” Stephen asked with a shrug.

“Zacky and I got married four months ago, and you still haven’t said congratulations.” Gabi piped up bluntly.

“Emma and I got engaged two months ago.” Ashley added.

Stephen simply sighed, “Well I don’t see how this chat is allowing either of you to do your work.” He snapped at Gabi and Ashley who promptly rolled their eyes and got back to their paperwork.

“You let me know if Nelson hurts you, right Y/N?” Stephen said with fake concern, caressing my forearm before walking back to his office.

I fake gagged at Gabi and Ashley after he was out of eyeline.

“You better go wash that arm.” Ashley laughed, making Gabi and I laugh in turn.

I did, in fact, wash my arm after that interaction.

On my way back from the bathroom, my phone buzzed in the back pocket of my dress-pants. It was a text from Matt on the groupchat.

Matt: Party this weekend. Welcome home for ERRA. Be there or else.

The text made me chuckle.

“Is that Norton?” That familiar raspy voice shattered my joy.

“Noah.” I corrected, walking past him and back to my desk.

Luckily, he didn’t follow me back to my desk, but that didn’t put my mind at ease at all.

His presence was still a complete stain on my day and it made my skin crawl. It felt like he was always watching me and I hated it.

“He still bothering you?” Ashley asked once I sat down.

“Yep.” I sighed.

“Ew.” She sighed, absentmindedly clicking on her computer.

Ashley and Gabi were my best work friends. We had all instantly bonded over our shared love for microwave ramen, and had formed a little ramen club, in which we tried a different flavour of ramen each week.

Sadly, since Stephen had been forcing his way into as many aspects of my life that he could, we had to put an end to it.

The rest of the day went by relatively uneventfully. Stehpen kept himself away in his office, probably sensing that the three women who sat in the bull pen outside of said office, were more than willing to tear his head from his body if given the chance.

By the time 5pm rolled around, I was exhausted and desperate to jump into a long, hot shower with my chill playlist blaring from my speaker.

Noah waited for me in his usual spot and as I waved goodbye to Gabi and Ashley before greeting Noah with a hug.

Before I even realised what was happening, Noah picked me up, spun me around and kissed me deeply. It was by far the most intense kiss we had shared, therefore Stephen must be watching.

I secretly hoped that Stephen was watching me greet Noah after every shift. For one, I revelled in the idea of it ruining his day, and two, I was starting to enjoy kissing Noah.

“I hate that guy.” Noah angrily muttered as we got into his car.

“He’s the literal devil incarnate.” I sighed, resting my head on the passenger side window.

“You feeling okay?” Noah asked. “We can just hang at your place and not go to the party.”

“No, we have to go, they’re our friends. Besides, I could use a good distraction right now.” I smiled at him, making him smile in return.

“Ugh, I was kinda hoping you’d let me bail.” He laughed, making me giggle.

“Keep dreaming.” I sighed, playfully slapping the side of his face.

The rest of the drive home was filled with a comfortable silence, that is, until we arrived back at Noah’s house.

Music was playing from inside the house, a mix of ABBA, Mariah Carey and some other random music that Jesse had deemed ‘party worthy’.

Upon entering the vibrant and lively house, I said brief hellos to everyone before running up to Noah’s room to get myself ready for the party.

It was routine at this point for me to get myself ready in Noah’s room.

The room was familiar.

He always kept it neat and pristine, with the only objects littering the surfaces being my own hairties, claw clips and makeup brushes.

He never moved them or tidied them away. He always left them exactly where they were.

A small box sat on his bathroom counter that contained makeup remover, moisturizer, pimple patches and period products, ready for me to use.

Noah always wanted to be prepared for whenever I came over, but I had heard over the last couple of weeks that this hadn’t always worked in his favour.

Grace was convinced that the box meant that Noah was sleeping with other women, when he wasn’t. Noah had tried to explain that the box was for me when I came over, but she wouldn’t listen, and instead resorted to outright hatred towards me.

According to Noah, Grace had been possessive over him for the majority of their time together, despite it being nothing serious.

I laughed when I reminisced over Noah recapping the entire story to me. He kept having to pause in order for me to react with a “she did what?” or a “is she nuts?”, which had made him laugh in turn.

I pulled on my jeans and black corset top, just in time for a knock to sound on Noah’s bedroom door.

“I’m coming now.” I said, hurrying to the door, which opened to reveal Noah waiting for me.

“Well you better not be cumming in my bedroom.” He said with mock anger, making me laugh.

“As if any woman would be cumming in your bedroom.” I laughed, playfully slapping his chest.

A shrill, nasaly laugh interrupted my train of thought.

“Well, I did.” The same voice said with a painfully annoying giggle.

Grace.

[xxx-wounded-angel-xxx]

Tear you appart - Felix Volturi x reader

Felix Volturi x fem! reader - contains smut

3456 words

content warning : swearing, darker and wilder than my usual Felix, possessive Felix, size difference (both him and reader like it) - Smut ahead ! please no judgment, this is the first time I'm writing some I tried my best I feel so embarrassed 😅 Stop at the divider if you don't want the smutty part that contains : dirty talk, voice kink, size kink, penetration, virgin reader (she's an adult in her 20's !), praise kink

Taglist : @agirllovespancakes <3

At first, you weren’t sure what to make of your mate. First, Felix was big. Like…two meters tall and really muscular. Like wow. And second, he… was busy. Like very busy, which you could comprehend since he was one of the highest ranked guards of the Volturi Coven. And the executioner… that's it you had said it. His job was to brutally kill people, and you did not fully know what to make of him because of that.

He was kind to you of course. But you could barely see him. He had a very important place in the coven after all, it would be mean to hold it against him, he couldn’t help it after all. But it was making it harder for you to understand him, how could you get to know him better if he wasn’t there with you?

Ever since you were staying with the Volturi after finding out that you were Felix’s soulmate, your existence had gotten kind of lonely. The current secretary would go shopping with you if you needed something but you were mostly staying in your quarters that were adjacent to Felix’s. So, you decided to spend the time by decorating as much as you could your quarters to your own taste.

As a goth, you took advantage of the Halloween season to buy home decor. Artificial black roses, deep red and purple ones, black lace curtains, gothic prints you paired with vintage looking frames Heidi found for you in an abandoned room… You kept the walls white but painted the furniture black. Lots of bookshelves were acquired to hold your book collection, CDs and DVDs, Felix had made sure you had a good TV and even better stereo when you said you basically lived with music. Anne Stokes and Victoria Frances’ art hung all over your walls, nemesis now dark fairy figures and cult cuties shelved neatly above your desk, nightmare before Christmas plushies and figures scattered all around your quarters with the occasional Hello Kitty and Kuromi: it was starting to look like home.

When December came by you bought red velvet curtains, and red crystal beads. A lot of them. Surprisingly, you were now finding every week rose bouquet, that you would put to dry and keep in elegant vases. You were sure they were from Felix, even if he never mentioned it the few times the two of you had met in November.

You were working on the canopy of the bed, after installing the black lace curtains and strings of white pearls that were easy to find as Christmas tree ornament, you were making garlands of red crystal beads that would reflect the light all around your bed canopy. Attaching bead after bead, you were disrupted by Felix. You looked at him, surprised as you saw him sit beside you on the black silk sheets of your bed.

“Good evening my darling mate”

This evening, you finally got to spend time with your mate. He apologized for his lack of presence beside you, the coven had been exceptionally busy and he had not been able to give you the time you deserved. But now, he was here, and could finally take care of you, his mate, properly.

You talked for hours that night, She Wants Revenge playing low in the background as you finally got to know each other.

But no matter how interesting this all was, you were getting tired. Felix noticed your yawn, and with a smile put you to bed, tucking you in and gently kissed your forehead goodnight.

Your Felix held his promise. Week after week you got to know the other better. Going from strangers to friends… to more. After a few months you realized that Felix wasn’t a friend anymore. No, he was more. You wanted him to be more. But it wasn’t easy. He was your soulmate! It was supposed to be easy! But it wasn’t. At all.

Spring came and left, and so did summer. It was the middle of autumn, and you still did not know how to tell your soulmate you liked him. How could you? How could a simple human compare to a vampire? He had not turned you yet, it seemed that he quite enjoyed your human habits for now. Maybe he liked your softness, the warmth of your skin or the color of your eyes? But that did not resolve your problem. How could you tell him when you had never done this before? You were in your twenties and not had your fist kiss yet!

You had started a diary to keep your memories, express your feelings and your thoughts. And the most recent entries were all about him. About Felix, the gleam in his eyes, the way his skin shone brightly under the sunlight, how hot you had found the glimpses of his toned and muscular body you had been able to see, the way his thunderous laugh made your heart smile… How… You love him. That’s it, you had admitted it fully: you loved him. It was written black on white in your diary. Your heart was in his hands. You did not need a prayer when you had his name.

That was the last line you wrote, leaving your diary on your bed as you left your bedroom to take a relaxing bath before going to bed in your favorite attire.

You came out of the bathroom, all clean and fresh, humming some She Wants Revenge song, when you froze. Felix. Felix was sitting on your bed. Felix was sitting on your bed holding your diary. Felix was reading your diary where you very explicitly wrote how much you loved him. Fuck.

 When Felix looked at you, you felt like you could die from embarrassment. You tried to leave, but in the blink of an eye you found yourself your back against a wall, Felix’s body pressed against yours preventing you from running away. Anyway, where would you have gone? This was your room, for fuck’s sake! You shivered as he used his big hand to raise your head so he could look you in the eyes.

“You meant it?”

“What”

“What you wrote in your diary about me. You mean it?”

You had never seen Felix that serious before, his husky voice had lost all humor.

“It… It is… Yes, it is true. I … I really mean it.”

You blurted out the last words, anxious. What if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear? What if he hated you now? What if… Wait, why was he smiling?

“You have no idea how long I’ve longed for this. May I?”

You nodded, not sure what he was asking for. He cupped your cheek, and to your surprise he kissed you. You closed your eyes.

It was better than what you had read in your books, much better. His lips were soft against yours, his kiss tender but quite possessive at the same time. You returned it, quite clumsily due to your inexperience, but still with enthusiasm. He was the one to break it so you could breathe again. You were only human after all. Your body needed it.

“Damn, that was…”

He laughed at your reaction.

“Can you do it again?”

Smirking, he eagerly accepted your request.

Later, when you were too tired to stay awake, Felix accepted to stay under the covers and hold you. The feeling of his strong and much bigger body wrapped around your much smaller frame brought unholy thoughts to your mind, that you quickly shook away, but it still let you the time to show slight embarrassment. You thought for a moment that Felix would take advantage of it, but he didn’t, only kissing the top of your head and bringing you closer to his body.

“Does that mean that we are together now?” “You could say that dolcezza.” “So you’re my boyfriend?” “Absolutely not. I’m your mate. If you want a more human term, just say that I’m your husband.”

You looked at him, shocked, and that little shit that was your mate had the biggest grin you’d ever seen.

“I… I think mate is an appropriate term.” “As you wish.”

Your heart was beating so fast he couldn’t not hear it, and his bright smile was the confirmation. Luckily for you, Felix had decided to go easy on you for tonight. But you feared what his teasing would be like…

You fell asleep with these thoughts in mind, Felix’s arms holding you tight against him. “Buonanotte tesoro mio, ti amo…”

When you woke up the next day, Felix was still here, holding you.

“Hi” “Hi. Slept well?” “Yes” “Good”

Bringing you closer to him, Felix buried his face in your neck. You froze as it felt like he was smelling you, and he left a kiss where he could feel your pulse. Being this close to him felt nice, really nice. He smelled good, too. Something musky, homey.

“Are you sniffing me?” “You did a few moments ago” “Touché.” A pause. “So?” “You smell nice. Like home.” “Ah, that’s a mate thing, you know? I smell good like that to you only.” “And me? What do I smell like?” “The tastiest thing I’ve ever met.” “Felix!” “What?! You should take this as a compliment! You smell delicious!”

He had that cocky look that looked so good on him. You couldn't wait to spend forever with him.

It was near Christmas now. More than one year since you met Felix, a few months since you realized you loved him, and a few weeks since the two of you were fully mated. Well fully… There was something the two of you had not done yet. It was… sex. For fuck’s sake, you were an adult, you could say the word sex! But… that did not erase the fact that you had basically no experience in dating. Felix was your first kiss… and would be your first lover. The thing was that he was not aware of it. How could you tell him! This man was cocky enough, if you told him, it would sign you way to a never-ending teasing! Fuck. Wait, that was the point! This man – or vampire – was going to be the death of you.

Your thoughts were a complete mess. You were sure than even Aro couldn’t understand a single shit if he were to read your mind. Which was why it was a good thing that he hadn’t asked for a while. But maybe it could actually help? Wait no! You couldn’t let him know you were desperately trying to get in the pants of his executioner. All of it was driving you crazy.

You tried to keep up with appearances with Felix, behaving as normal as you could with him, but you couldn’t help but let some touches linger more than necessary, brush against him every time you were close with him, dragging the kisses as long as you could without accidentally killing yourself from the lack of oxygen… All of it you thought Felix didn’t notice. But that was forgetting something: your mate was very much a predator. And as a human, you were very much prey for him, even as his mate.

Your heartbeat running faster when he was close, the way his low voice would send shivers down your spine, or how some kisses and touches could get you clenching your thighs… Felix noticed everything, and your asshole of a mate was reveling in it, your love like the thrill of the hunt. He took great pleasure in it, day after day, trying to drive you crazy until you would be your back against a wall, forced to tell him exactly what you wanted. And he would make sure you beg for it, dragging the thrill of the hunt as long as he could. But lucky for you, he loved you more than it. He would try to not make you beg, not too much at least.

Your Felix had become great at reading you, your expressions, your desires. And being as old as he was, it had not been hard for him to put two and two together: the way you returned his affection, always eager but also quite clumsily, always holding back afraid of going too far or doing wrong… That darker, possessive side off him was extremely satisfied of it, no one had touched you like that before, no one but him, you were forever his.

After a few weeks, your struggles were not funny anymore, he wanted you to feel desired, to not see your inexperience as a bad thing. You were so damn beautiful and desirable; he would show you how much he wanted you.

He would be off duty for the next few days, it was perfect. The next time he would get in your bed, you would not be sleeping for a good while.

For the past few days, it seemed like Felix was toying with you, always managing to get you where and how he wanted. He was slowly taking you out of your comfort zone, it was like he had something in mind as he would hold you close, soft breath in the crook of your neck sending shivers down your spine. He would let you back up if you were too uncomfortable, of course, but the bastard knew what he was doing, always taking you further and further of your comfort zone without crossing your boundaries, teaching you a few things about you in the meantime. Damn, did you always have that size and voice kink or was it of his doing? Fuck, you had no idea but did not care much, it was too good for the reasons why to matter anymore.

All of this led you to that very moment, your Felix towering over you, your back against the wall of your room. Voice low, whispering in your ear, driving you crazy.

“Aren’t you pretty like that, all flustered? Your blood smell so good I might just eat you…”

Of course, this led you to grow even more flustered, your blood rushing and tempting him even more. He took another step, and lowered his head even more, leaving cold kisses on your neck, his cool breath driving you crazy. You move your head to give him a better access, and let out a soft moan as his teeth scrap your neck.

“You like that don’t you? To be all helpless as soon as I touch you. My beautiful darling…”

He lifts you, claiming your lips and you can’t help but wrap your legs around his waist. He bites your lower lip, and you let out a soft gasp, your Felix taking advantage of it, his tongue meeting yours to explore your mouth. After a while the two of you part, soft panting can be heard from you. At this moment, you realize you left your stereo on, and as your notice what song is playing you send to hell every hesitation and kiss him passionately.

“I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight

Lie still, close your eyes, girl, so lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close, soft breast, beating heart

As I whisper in your ear, "I wanna fucking tear you apart"

It drives the both of you crazy, leaving you only wanting more, more than everything you had already done. So when Felix carries you to the bed, you continue to kiss him. When he lays you on the bed, climbing on top of you, you drag him close and deepen the kiss. When he takes off your shirt, you unbutton his, hands roaming everywhere on the other’s body in a frenzy haze, kisses left everywhere.

“I want you” you pause. “No, I need you.” You let out a moan as he rips your bra and leave kisses on your breast, a smile oh so smug brightening his face as he finds your sensitive spot. You writhe underneath him, clenching your thighs together, left wanting more, needing more of him.  

“Felix…” His name leaves your mouth as a soft moan, and he can’t help but chuckle at your neediness, he’s finally got you where he wants you to be, he’s going to drag on this teasing as much as he can.

“That’s my name darling, say it again…”

He’s so smug but you can’t help but do as he say, especially when his pants and yours disappear, and his hand slip in your silky panties. As he brushes against your clit, you can’t help but buckle your hips, trying to get more friction where you need him the most.

“Eager, aren’t we?”  Always that smug expression, he knows he is driving you crazy and he revels in it: you’re his and he is the only one able to get these reactions from you. He leans over you, pressing his body against yours, claiming your lips once again. You whimper as you can feel his hard bulge against you, increasing your arousal to an extent you didn’t know was possible. But you weren’t the only one left craving for more.

“Please Felix…” “I need you to use your words tesorina. Tell me, what you want?” “You. I want you I need you!” “So greedy my darling… Is that what you want?”

You can’t answer him as he rips your panties, throwing away what’s left of them before making his own underwear meet the same fate. He’s bigger than you anticipated, yet the only thing you can focus on is how much you want him inside of you.

Not breaking eye contact with you, he strokes his penis a few times, making sure it’s slick with his precum and your arousal, and get on top of you, teasing your wet folds with his hard length.

“Are you sure you want this?” He looks at you with such seriousness, trying to read your face and be sure this is what you want, that he’s not going further than you’re comfortable with. “Yes Felix please” “You only have one word to say and I’ll stop if it’s too much for you”

You nod, and satisfied with your approval Felix thrust into you. You moan at the feeling; you feel so full of him. You expected it to hurt, being your first time, but it doesn’t, your love prepared you enough.

“That’s what you want, isn’t it my darling? My cock filling you up, bringing you more pleasure than you’ve ever had.”

You can only whine and moan, too lost in the pleasure you’re experiencing for the first time. Felix eats up every of your reactions, satisfied that only him get to make you feel this good.

“You’re so responsive to my touch” Felix praises you, and his words do something to you you weren’t aware of it being possible. Something good. Really good. Felix, attentive to all of your reactions, notice and whispers sweet praises in your ear, driving you wild. He thrusts faster, eliciting more moans from you. It feels so good, you can only focus on him and the pleasure he gives you, moaning his name.

“I love hearing you cry out my name, tesoro. It’s music to my ears.”

He finally finds an especially sensitive spot of yours, hitting it relentlessly, eliciting moan after moan from you. He growls in pleasure, getting you closer and closer. You feel something ready to snap inside of you.

“Please Felix I’m close so close!” “That’s it darling, come for me.” He kisses your shoulder. “Come for me, let me feel how much you love me. I’ll be right behind you, filling you with everything I have.”

The pad of this finger brushes against your clit, and with his dirty words it’s enough to make you snap, riding the first climax of your life. Your Felix follows quickly, his cool cum filling your cunt as he moans your name, “you’re mine all mine my [Y/N] forever mine never letting you go my sweet and beautiful [Y/N]”

You fall back on the bed, trembling with pleasure and exhaustion. Sliding out of you, Felix admires for a moment your mixed release dripping down your inner thighs, before laying down beside you and holding you close, whispering sweet praises in your ear. He kisses your forehead tenderly, and you snuggle closer to him.

“I love you” “I love you too tesorina”

Exhausted, you fall asleep, safe and spent in your mate’s arms, Felix never letting you go for a second, holding you tight against him the whole time. This is what eternity should feel like, and he will make sure it always is that way for you.  

[specific-dreamer]

darry dropping pony off at college

they were both really excited.

darry’s brainiac baby brother is going to college and he couldn’t be prouder of him because he understands how hard it was for pony to get this far.

and pony’s really excited because he’s finally leaving tulsa (on his terms) he’s doesn’t feel guilty for wanting to leave or anything neither bc he’s only like two hours away (bet ur ass he goes to darry’s college)

as a gag gift, because soda was worried he might have nightmares from sleeping away from home (darry had nightmares his first night on campus and soda overheard his parents talking abt it. this is canon), steve and two-bit get ponyboy a stuffed horse and print out a picture of soda’s face and tapes it to the horses head

(ponyboy takes the photo off and frames it. its the only photo he has out to the general public. it’s a great conversation starter though.

“who’s that?”

“my brother, sodapop”

“oh… i’m so sorry for your loss, when did he pass?”

“when did he-? oh, no he’s not dead. he’s just my favorite 😅”)

i strayed so far from the plot good heavens

ANYWAYS

the entire their unpacking all darry hears is, “darry do you know them? darry why do they keep looking at me like that? darry was that you’re teacher? do you like them, should i have taken him instead?”

mans does not get a second of peace. it’s been like four years, his friends have likely been graduated and there’s no chance in hell he remembers his teachers faces.

but as frustrating as it is, it is cute that pony keeps asking questions because it reminds him of when they were little and all pony would do was ask why

darry and the gang plan to leave well before sunset so they can make it home in time for everyone to get enough sleep b4 work the next day

steve in all his glory tells pony if he cries tn because he misses home it’s okay, he won’t even make fun of him, but pony, in all his glory, says he ain’t gon cry bc he’s not a kid

he hugs soda and darry extra tight when they do leave (at the tail end of sunset. southern mfs i swear) and pony makes them promise to call him when they get home

night falls and all the day’s excitement is gone.

pony? never been away from home on his own. it hadn’t hit him until he’s getting ready for bed that’s he in college. until then it felt like an away trip but when he wakes up he’ll be at home. he’s not having a great time, he misses his brothers

but there’s no pay phone in his room or his end of the hall so he has to go all the way to the lounge to call home

soda answers the phone and he’s real happy to hear his voice bc he had already started missing pony something fierce too. but sodas a creature of habit and only manages to talk to pony for 5 minutes before he’s yawning and has to go to bed

when darry gets on the phone pony is this close to just bursting into tears because he wants to go home

darry somehow knows. can hear it in the quiver of pony’s voice and asks if he wants to just talk for a while regardless of how the phone bill would be that month

pony is over the moon and says yes ofc. darry has to grab the recliner so he can at least sit comfortably because ponyboy could yap his freaking ear off

they end up talking for like 30 more minutes before both of them nod off.

darry’s stretched out on the recliner and the phones dangling off the wall

pony’s curled against the wall underneath the pay phone with his blanket around him and the phone still tight in his hand

it’s smooth sailings after that.

ponyboy wakes up to about three upperclassmen girls and one other boy staring and talking about him and one of the girls snaps a photo with her (new) polaroid. pony’s instantly ready to be on defense but they literally do not care and despite his best lies he’s obvious he was on the phone with family and they find that really endearing and immediately force him under their wing

darry’s wakes up to soda putting the phone up and making breakfast. darry’s feeling a little bittersweet but in all he’s really happy that he could be of any help to pony because he was def getting a little worried

[five-rivers]

My Kingdom of Fish poll fiction! Continued from here.

.

After a small amount of dithering, Danny took the cameras. He was here to show his parents the library, and he couldn't do that if they couldn't see it. The ambient array could collect data here as well as anywhere else. The Fenton Finder's 23rd iteration was as buggy as the first. He'd actually done a small amount of sabotage to the ‘self-defense system’ to make it safe to carry around, so… Yeah.

The only things he felt at all bad about leaving were the medical monitors and the environmental safety detectors. Both of those had helped him in the past. The Lost Library was supposed to be safe, though. It wasn't a truce zone or anything, but people didn't go there to fight, and the librarians were supposed to take care of any environmental dangers that popped up (mostly because things that could endanger ghosts could certainly endanger books). The Library of Tongues did that, anyway.

He did have to rearrange and remove some of the cameras, especially the redundant ones and the ones that weren't taking his amplified aura well, so that they fit on his much-reduced frame, but they were made to be serviceable, and soon he was ready.

The coat room, as it turned out, was right behind the reception desk.

“There are doors that aren't visible or that won't open for you unless you're a member or have a badge,” the librarian explained as she put the equipment on a shelf. “Another reason not to lose yours.”

“Where's the way in?” asked Danny.

“This way.”

The librarian led him back around, then to the side of the desk. Here, again, the wall had folded back into a set of doors, this one more ornate.

“The copyist's room attendants will meet you down the hallway,” said the librarian, sitting back down at her desk.

Danny nodded. “Thank you.”

The hallway forked right sharply. A ghost woman with bronze skin and dark hair was waiting there, not far from the corner. There was a spiral on the center of her forehead in what looked like gold wire under her skin. The outside end of it disappeared under her hairline.

“Oh my,” she said, hiding her mouth behind a pair of bell-like sleeves, “you’re so cute. Iphigenia didn’t tell me you were cute.”

Danny made a face.

“Ah! Precious! How old are you?”

“I was fourteen when I died,” said Danny, flatly. “I don’t know why places like this make me tiny, but I’m not.”

“You must be young at heart.”

Danny squinted at her.

“Mm? Are you looking at this?” she asked, pointing at her spiral. Danny shrugged, then nodded. He hadn’t been, not really, but in the interest of changing the subject… “It’s what members of the library have instead of another alteration. It’s like the fires you get at the Library of Tongues.” The spiral moved, retreating, unwinding, vanishing under her hair and then spiraling out onto the palm she offered up to Danny. “It’s called the Lìshǐ Yánxù De Jīn Xiàn, although ghosts from western cultures call it Ariadne’s String. No sense of pride for their work, I swear.” She shook her head. “So, if you get lost, or need help finding something, find someone with one of these, okay? We have a pretty big children's collection, believe it or not.”

“I'm not really a child.”

“Oh! So mature!” She poked his cheek, then stood up and opened the door behind her. “Let’s get you situated.”

The copyist’s room was large and brightly lit, lined with beehive-like cubbies that served as shelving for scrolls. There were several work tables spread throughout the room, and a mid-sized manual printing press. There were two other ghosts in the room. One, a stressed-looking larger man with a curly, box-cut beard, and the other a severely thin, angular man with a long, looping tail.

Both wore guest badges, and both had features that did not seem to match the rest of their appearances. The severe-looking man had large, fluffy, soft-looking wings with feathers that twitched and shifted near constantly. He had a quill badge clipped to the belt of his tunic. The other, larger man had moth antennae and wings, but also enormous, ribbed bat ears. He had not one but two badges attached to his robe-like wrap, the candle and the gong.

“Now,” said the attendant, “I know you said that you wanted to do Ancient Greek to English, and when people say Ancient Greek, they mean Ancient Greek from Life, not old Zone dialects, but the Mausoleum of Macaria tipped into the Acheron a few weeks ago, and were swamped with Elysian, Asphodelian, and Tartarian Greek. Especially Tartarian Greek. Would you mind doing something from one of those? It would be much shorter than what we'd give you in regular Ancient Greek, only a few pages.”

She looked at him hopefully.

“It would really help if you knew any of them,” she added.

[jazminrhode1]

Love your writing! Can I request something for Matt based on the redecorating Matt’s room prank? Like reader helps with the prank? If not, no problem, love your account

Thanks For Watching Sturniolo Triplets x Reader One Shot

Summary: You help the boys prank Matt’s room for a video.

Notes: Swearing (minimal)

“Matt?” you call out as you walk down the hall toward his room. He wasn’t supposed to be there. You had come over to help Nick and Chris with a room prank. His room was empty, the coast was clear, except for their fucking washing machine.

You make your way upstairs to Nick’s room where he and Chris were waiting for you. “Finally,” Chris said when you walked in. “Y/n’s here,” Nick said to the camera, “it’s time to prank Matt’s room.”

“Most of the stuff’s in my car,” you said. You were way more excited than you let on. You had spent weeks getting customised items to completely re-do his bedroom. He was gone for another fake meeting with Laura but, you only had a small window to pull it off.

As you started opening the boxes that you had brought up to Matt’s room, Nick and Chris were acting like two kids at Christmas. They didn’t know just how much stuff you ended up getting and they didn’t know half of it would be custom.

The plan was to cover the room with pictures of Nick and Chris but, you went a little overboard. You had customised bedsheets, pillow cases and a blanket with their faces on it. You also got t-shirts printed with pictures that you found on their joint instagram. There was a huge canvas you hand made with a family picture from when they were little and a stack of photographs to stick on the wall if you found the time.

Nick made the bed, Chris cleared the closet and you started sticking pictures on the wall. 

“What’s wrapped in the sheet?” Chris asked when he came back from hiding Matt’s clothes in his room.

That was what you were most excited about and worried that you might not pull off. Chris got excited when he saw the thrill in your eyes. “Close your eyes,” you told them as you unwrapped the surprise.

When they opened their eyes they were face-to-face with two life sized cardboard cutouts of themselves. Nick screamed and Chris fell on the floor laughing. “You are fucking kidding,” he said.

“Matt is going to have a heart attack,” Nick said as he took a snap and sent it to Madi.

“I’m keeping mine,” Chris said, looking it up and down.

“Come on, Matt’s going to be back soon,” you said as you finished sticking the pictures on the walls.

Nick had used a few to replace the ones in Matt’s picture frames. The only one he left was the one that Matt kept of you and him on his desk.

“This room is something straight out of a nightmare,” you said as you looked around. “This is fucking great,” Chris exclaimed in excitement.

“Are we done?” Nick asked as he closed the last picture frame. “I think we are,” Chris said as he sat on the bed.

The room was a complete disaster. Everything had gone to plan.

Pictures of Nick and Chris’ faces were on the bedding, on the pillows, on the blanket, on the walls, on his t-shirts in his closet, and in his picture frames. There was not an inch of his room not covered in pictures of his brothers. The thought of this was a lot funnier than the final product.

You heard the front door close just as Nick picked up the camera. Chris got in position with his phone, he could barely contain his excitement. You could hear Matt calling out for Nick and Chris, you swore he started heading upstairs. After a few minutes, his shoes cast a shadow beneath the door and you saw the handle turn.

He jumped when he opened the door. You weren’t sure if it was because you were all in there or because of the monstrosity you had created.

“What the-?” Matt said in shock quickly followed by, “Hey y/n.” He stepped into the room and pulled you into a hug. As he scanned the room, the pictures on the wall, the life-size cut-outs of his brother, he kept his arm draped around your shoulders. 

“Did you help with this?” he asked you. “Sorry,” you replied.

“The pillows,” he noticed, pointing. “Oh my god you’re on the sheets,” he exclaimed.

“Do you love it?” Chris asked, mockingly.

“I can’t tell is this is awesome or a nightmare,” he replied as his eyes darted around the room.

Nick started laughing. “Look in your closet,” he instructed.

Matt’s face dropped, “No…” he said as he slowly slid the doors open.

When he saw all his clothes were gone and replaced with t-shirts that had his brother's faces on them, he said, “You guys are not real.”

“What do you think?” Nick asked, shoving a camera in Matt’s face. “Is this better than the Liam Neeson prank?” Chris asked.

Matt was still taking it all in when he said, “Fuck no! The other prank was funny. How am I supposed to sleep here? I’m gonna have nightmares.”

Chris burst out laughing. This was the exact reaction that he was hoping for. “Blame y/n,” he said, “she got all this stuff.”

You took a few steps back from Matt when he turned his head to you, “it was Nick’s idea” you said. Nick didn’t care. This was the content he was looking for.

“Is anyone going to help me take this shit down?” Matt asked as he pulled a picture off the wall. 

“Nope,” Chris replied as he picked up his cardboard cut-out. “They’ll fall off eventually,” Nick said. They both started walking toward the door but, Matt rushed over and held it shut with one arm.

“Let us out,” Chris demanded. Matt was not going to budge. “Let me out,” Chris threatened. “Or what?” Matt replied.

Chris took his cardboard cut out and started swatting at Matt. Matt started swinging back, grabbing Chris’s cardboard head and ripping it off his body.

With the pair of them fighting in the background, Nick said to the camera, “Thanks for watching, we’ll see you all next time,” before he ended the vlog.

It wasn't often that you got to do stuff like with the boys but, man was it fun.

[stikybug]

The polycule brainrot is so strong.

I need to put some of these ideas down but i don't like making things pretty so this is just a braindump . All under cut to not clog

Stealing clothes between them would be so so so common. Mc is a menace and has 6 oversized shirts she totally swears are hers. Only one is

Second biggest offender is Ayn when staying at home , Alkaid stares at him for 5 minutes straight when he sees his missing sweater matched with cat earphones

It's so cute a photo was sent to the gc, obviously

They start sleeping at the sameish time, it's such a perfect excuse to go over to their cute partners and be tender before bed how could they not?

Because of this, Mc, Lars, and Ayns' shitty sleep schedule gets fixed

Cael isn't around so much but you know they get weekly texts from him that says the sweetest things ever

Lars pampers his stunning partners so well when he's finally free, candlelit dinners, gifts in the droves for all of them, even arranging so the place is basically empty when they get there since most of them don't like crowds

All of them are banned from playing ludo. This is final after the incident

Since Cael was officially the last one to get in Clarence planned a whole thing that was a celebration of him getting out of denial phase. And the announcement he also had a plus of four boyfriends

Confusion did not even begin to describe the expression the man had

Sometimes if people are nosy Ayn would start talking about different partners in the same conversation

"Oh you know my boyfriend's really cute with those doe-eyes"

"BOYFRIEND?"

"Yes, anyway my girlfriend the other day gave me this-"

Chaos ensues.

He doesn't care about the rumors though. He's noticed how his playing changed ever so slightly when thinking about his partners. In the span of a week after this noticeable change he found himself writing 5 different pieces for them.

He gives them the pieces by the time of their anniversary, mentioning he'd even play it for them if they wanted.

A private concert happened that day, it didn't need to be recorded to be engraved into their memories.

A while after that, the little painter and Emerald both released pieces that felt like they were overflowing with love and other warm sentiments.

Alkaid sends photos of the sky every time an observation night comes up in the astronomy department. He makes notes about which constellations remind him of his partners the most.

Obviously if any of them point a photo out or say one is pretty it's going to be printed out in the universal imaging studio

The starry photos are all probably framed and hung on a wall somewhere. Ayn has them in his hideout, Lars has the images upsized and on full display in his home, Clarence has one particularly sentimental one on the desk of the student council office, Cael has it as his phone background so he could see it wherever he went, and MC has it in her studio, always up to give her a boost of inspiration when she needed it.

William almost has a heart-attack every morning since Clarence has been looking the giddiest he's ever been since he and MC started dating.

He figures it out since Clarence is just so obvious. He's had the same reaction to two students that he has with the little painter. The way that his eyes light up whenever Ayn 'just so happens' to need to go to the student council so many times? And their conversations meander and flow too slowly for this to even be about their original topic anymore.

Or how he manages to write up an excuse to 'supervise' the Astronomy Department's viewing nights most of the time when he felt no need to previously, always found near Alkaid most of the time.

If one were to sneak a peek at his diary, it would probably contain paragraphs upon paragraphs of how pretty his partners were and things they did or things he saw that reminded him of them.

Cael was the most cautious about this entire arrangement. While he cared about her he had no idea if it would even be possible for him to catch feelings for the rest of them.

Unfortunately, the little painter has exceptional taste.

It was different for each of them, but it ended back in the same giant mess he has been dealing with for the past few months: He's so very attached to all of these charming men that he's caught himself blushing at the thought of them.

And these feelings came with the problems of someone like him developing such deep fondness for someone. The danger and chance of discovery he would give not just to the little painter, but the paragons of this world.

When he brings this concern up he's very lovingly shown how stupid he is by the sheer willingness of his boyfriends to love him despite knowing all of this.

Maybe this would be alright. They have each other no matter what afterall.

[skeedelvee]

Carry On Countdown Day 24 - Holiday Shopping

For this year's COC I've decided to put together daily fic rec lists! Let me know if you find any new favorite reads from these <3

For todays prompt I've gone with fics that either involve holiday shopping, general shopping, or gifts

Holiday Shopping:

So This Is Christmas by @krisrix

Rated T, 57,557 words

Simon Snow hasn't got a clue as to why he doesn't want to fight his vampire nemesis to the death. All he's got is a stupid plan to pretend that he and Baz are dating so that The Mage won't make them fight. Baz Pitch has got an envelope bursting with money and a burning desire to enjoy whatever time he can with the boy he loves. What he hasn't got is any clue what goes through Simon's head. The two form a truce and run away together for Christmas, eager to bask in the things the holiday ought to bring...while the threat of war breathes down their necks. Snow's blubbering stops short as he takes in the beauty of the hotel’s interior. The lighting is dim and warm, making the off-white walls gleam. The furnishings are wooden and well cared for, the polish immaculate. I can see several fireplaces at work with a cursory glance. Perhaps most lovely of all is the scent of fresh pine wafting from the various wreaths and garlands artfully hung about. There are little baubles and lights in them. I eagerly await evening, when the hotel surely becomes even cosier and dimmer—I’m certain the Christmas lights will look divine when twinkling in Snow’s eyes.

What Do You Get for the Grandson Who Has Nothing and the Grandmother Who Has Everything? by me! @skeedelvee

Rated G, 2,041 words

Simon and Ruth struggle with what to get each other for their first Christmas together

Shopping and/or Gifts:

Old Friends and New Beginnings by @livisafish and @yellobb

Rated G, 1,576 words

Simon leads her around the flat (I think he’s relaxed some from seeing Natasha’s excitement), showing her how to get to her very own Netflix account, feeding her slices of his homemade brioche (my favorite, the sap), letting her jump on our bed (and telling her she’s welcome to come share with us any time she wants to), and taking pictures of the three of us to print and frame later today. When it comes to showing her the nursery, it’s my turn to have my stomach twist in knots. I hope she likes Paddington… 

Cedar and Smoke by Selkiesfour

Rated G, 2,993 words

Simon's flat is very depressing. There's nothing here. Besides the chocolate bar wrappers in the sofa cushions and mess of clothes on the floor, there’s no hint of Simon residing here full time. He doesn't have art on the walls, or trinkets on his bookshelves. He doesn't even have a bookshelf. There's barely any furniture, except for what we bought at our only IKEA trip, and the bed frame Penny found at a flea market. It doesn't take a lot of persuading for Simon to come shop at TK Maxx with me. We go everywhere together these days, and we’re trying to build a life together in his little one-bedroom flat. -- or the one where snowbaz goes shopping at tk maxx !

The Pleasure Is Mine by @philaet0s

Rated E, 4,726 words

“Lingerie?” I ask, looking up at him with a smile tugging at my lips. ——————————— or, it’s Baz’s birthday, and Simon treats him well

Silk & Velvet by @captain-aralias

Rated E, 7,940 words

Valentine's Day falls on a Thursday and Simon is old, now. They both are. Almost thirty. He knows he should have stuck with the boring gift Baz asked for, but he didn't and now— Well.

Flamey by Star4545

Rated G, 1,609 words

Baz and Penny throw Simon a birthday party and Baz's gift makes Simon a little emotional

Paper Rings by Bigspookyfan

Rated G, 1,280 words

"I was at Poundland and I was walking through the halloween aisles and I saw it and I swear I wasn't gonna buy it. I was already out of the store but I just had to come back for it, you know? It made me think of you." Simon gets Baz a gift. The problem is Baz is not sure if he likes it

Second Hand by @thewholelemon

Rated M, 3,681 words

Simon needs some professional clothes and Penny heard of this great shop. The boy behind the counter’s a little rude though.

If you have any recs that fit the prompt that I've missed, feel free to leave them in the comments! There's plenty of gaps in my reading so there's a good chance I may not have read it

Also I've had a hard time finding if some people are here on Tumblr, so if you know someone who hasn't been tagged, feel free to leave that in the comments as well <3

@carryon-countdown

[enormities-writes]

Meeting Him  | Simon Bellamy x GN! Reader

Summary: Reminiscing over reader's progression of a relationship with Simon.

Warnings: Swearing, staring, mutual pinning, kissing, cuddling, basically a bunch of fluff.

Words: 1,423

AN: This is my first ever fanfiction so sorry if it's rough or needs any work. I hope you enjoy :)

Masterlist

Please do not copy, translate, or repost any of my work. Thank you.

________________________

When I started my community service, I was kinda pissed, to say the least.

Tires strain to a stop as a silver car stops at the curb in front of a boring gray community building. A shoe creeps out of the vehicle and onto the asphalt with a slight pitter-patter. The car's shining doors meet the frame with a resounding slam.

Dark semi-circles reside underneath Y/n’s eyes, which roll after the conversation with the person driving. The tires give a loud screeeeech, and the car skids down the drop-off area and out of the parking lot.

The person stumbles up the scratchy concrete and yanks the cold metal handle to the building open with their fist.

The building is empty and unremarkable. Some bland colors through the chilly halls include a dull orange of uncomfortable chairs, printed “motivational” posters hanging up on the white walls as if anyone gave a shit about the people there, and not to mention the washed-out unflattering lighting the whole building has.

After changing into the paper-like orange jumpsuit, they go outside and join the other six delinquents.

I had just gotten there, and this kid with big, bright blue eyes could not stop staring at me.

They sit, crisscrossed on the concrete outside, beside a big reflective pond. A wooden paintbrush in their hands, leisurely dragging the coated bristles along the withered, metal bench. 

Y/n’s brain was practically melting from the constant burn of Simon's gaze on the side of their head.

The vibrant blue eyes glance up again from their occupied place of the covered graffiti on the park bench. 

Unlike the last fifteen times, a sigh comes from the now-opened mouth of the observee. Their head swiftly turns, the expression of their face less than enthusiastic. Lips planted in a firm line and eyes, although a little more energized than that morning, still tired. This time more than just physically.

The anxiety-ridden boy quickly moves his eyes back to the bench and the task at hand, as if he had never been gazing at the interesting person at all. Feeling the weight of the person’s gaze, he swallows the saliva in his mouth in a big gulp, trying to breathe with even, controlled breaths.

After Y/n looks off to their chore once more, Simon takes a second to smooth out the hair on his forehead with a rigid aggressive hand, a nervous tick of his.

Even though I felt slightly bad for him because of Nathans instigating comments, I still felt that he was a bit weird but could kind of tolerate him.

That was, until we were all slightly having fun. 

Y/n was carrying a chair over to its designated place as Nathan was rambling on and on about his step dad the man who lives with his mom.

Words flew out of the Irish boy's mouth for a time far too long to count. The second he slowed down to a stop and they would think it was finally over, he would just start back up again. But it’s better than the stuffy silence of the empty, echoey, hallways.

Placing down the plastic of a burnt orange chair, they look over and see Nathan's arm around Simon, his warm hand resting on the curve of the shorter man's shoulder.

A passerby would have guessed them to be great friends. However, they would most definitely pull a displeased face at the language that was spewing from their mouths. 

“Cock, anus, ballsack. Yeah?” The green-eyed guy asked, referencing the pixels that formed a raunchy picture on his flip phone.

Simons's mouth pulled up at the corners and created indents on the sides of his face. His ears lifted slightly and his full cheeks were rounded with the movement. His eyes were shiny and glistened with the happiness of being included and regarded as a friend.

Almost forgetting to let go of the chair, Y/n gazed at the boy with a twinkle in their eyes.

Admiring his boyish, crooked smile, the breath was stolen from their lungs. From his rosy cheeks to plump, delicate lips, Y/n had no power to not get sucked into the display of joy.

They were almost completely lost in the floaty space of their mind until Simons's icy blue eyes drifted over to them, this time Y/n being the one caught staring.

They cleared their throat and ducked their head, continuing to work, pretending their cheeks don't feel like they're burning. This just made his smile brighter than it already had been.

To say I tolerated him was an understatement. 

Then, there had been this weird stage of us admiring each other from afar, too scared or unsure of ourselves to do anything about it.

After being caught so many times staring, a person over time, doesn't care to look away anymore.

There is no embarrassment, that having died out a long time ago. Instead, one continues to openly gaze at the person, hoping that they will be there forever, just to examine the details of that person's face.

Nathan would loudly argue at the pair that they were giving each other “fuck me eyes”, but instead, they were simply admiring the beauty of the other. 

Light blue eyes swept across Y/n's face. Taking in all the details and perfectly placed imperfections. The indented pores or lightly shaded wrinkles. Light rays sprinkled past the clouds and rained down on their body.

If someone had asked him at that moment, he would have uttered truthfully that they looked like an angel. Ethereal. That's the only word that would come to his head.

A gust of air brushed past them on the windy day on top of the roof of the community service building.

The eyelashes of Y/n fluttered as they opened their eyes and immediately darted them in Simon's direction as if hearing his thoughts. 

He didn’t blush this time. Didn’t become embarrassed anymore. No anxious assumptions even crossed his mind. Instead, he continued to stare.

Y/n smiled lightly, taking the staring as a compliment. No inkling of judgment tracing their kind features.

All of a sudden, the button-up collar of Simons's uncomfortable orange jumpsuit seemed a little too tight.

I eventually got fed up with it.

The rubber of Converse tapping away on the linoleum floor is what caught Simon's attention. Glancing up with his beautiful blue eyes, he sees Y/n, the person he had been crushing on, determinedly strutting in his direction. Hair that made up his eyebrows came together in a furrow, a line indenting his skin in between them.

Y/n stopped in front of him, chest puffed out in faux confidence. “Go on a date with me.” Came from their mouth. It wasn’t a question. It was a demand. 

Simon openly gaped up at them from his sitting position. His mouth opened, jaw dropping in shock at the situation in front of him. “Y- yes.” He uttered once his brain caught up with his mouth, blinking way more than necessary. “Good.”

Y/n seemed to lose their mojo, figure relaxing from their rigid posture, and handed him their phone, waiting for him to put in his number. Simons is now the one who straightens up and accepts the piece of metal, quickly pressing digits into it with the pads of his fingers.

The time I first started my community service, I was annoyed, to say the least. But I’m glad it happened. Because I had the privilege of meeting him.

I roll over in the soft blankets, scooting closer to the figure radiating warmth. Blankets jostle with my tired but lax movements. The heavy weight of his arm over my waist is comforting as I nuzzle into the side of his neck. I pucker my lips and leave a sloppy, chaste, sleep-filled kiss there. 

The limbs caging me tug me impossibly closer to the muscly body. “I love you, darling.” His voice is deep with sleep as he whispers the affection in my ear.

I run my hand underneath his shirt and on the silky soft skin of his waist before feeling around the curve of his back, resting it there. “I love you too, baby,” I utter out of my scratchy throat. “Now go back to bed, it's too early,” I groan. A puff of air against my shoulder lets me know he’s laughing. 

I place one more kiss on the warm skin in front of my face before I let the peaceful darkness of sleep overtake me once again.

AN: Hi everyone! Thank you so much if you read all of that. I wanted to create this because Simon fics are so scarce. If you like it please let me know or reblog it or comment or something, it would mean the absolute world to me. Any and all tips for my writing are greatly appreciated.

[skitskatdacat63]

6,17,26 for the ask game

— Penalanon

Hehehe ty penalanon! <3 (random ask game)

6. art you want to hang on your walls

Truly I have so many fucking posters in my room that I need to hang up, because I buy them all the time and then remember I have zero wall space. But of course any classical art or illustration, honestly I'd put anything up because I love covering every flat surface with the things I love 😌😌 The one I want to hang up most though is, unsurprisingly, the print I got of Napoleon, that's been in my room for over a year now. I need to frame him so I can build a shrin- I'm normal, I swear.

17. favourite street food

Hmmmm, I hope this doesn't seem like a cop out, it's more just that I honestly don't eat out much, so I'll instead tell this little anecdote I'm still pissed about. All my childhood, I would go to the town I go to college in now, and there was this local hot dog stand that I always went to, like a little ritual. I'm like, maybe one day, I'll go to college there and get to eat at that stand for lunch. ONLY FOR HIM TO RETIRE BEFORE I GOT INTO COLLEGE. What the hell 😭

26. snow with footprints or newly baked snow?

Fresh snow!! So we can eat it!!!!!(Xiao reference?) I love when its just snowed and I can go outside and get a cup of it and put some kind of juice in it. Homemade snowcone :) though one time I tried to do that with snow-hail, bad idea, don't do that

[popcornforone]

The Speed of Silence

Mr Ben Fan Fic

I didn’t plan on going back to Mr Ben for a while. The SNL hype had dropped & I was in deep writing some other drafts I had on going. & then @alwaysdjarin tagged me in someone’s twitter post going write a scenario based on a certain idea a moot had. Here I am 12 days later publishing it.

I don’t like to big up my work but there’s a paragraph in here that I wrote & when I reread it I was like damn I wrote that. Also yes I know the book shelf picture is Rockford but it was part of the inspiration for this, so I wanted to include it.

Synopsis: Mr Ben is rumoured every year to be dating the popular girls at university, so why would he ever look at you. But then a few chance meeting & a late night study session in the library, make you both think about making those rumours true.

Word count: 5,700

Warnings: DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18!college professors student relationship (but you are not his student) protected PIV sex, public sex, swearing, pining, unrequited love, choking & muffling, rough, teasing flirting kissing. Eventual established relationship.

All feed back as always is welcome peoples… thanks for the read. It’s really appreciated

10pm the clocks slowly tocks past, headphones on, another coffee poured, in the university library trying to write you appendix for your art portfolio your handing in tomorrow. You knew when you looked all these artists & photographers up for inspiration you should have written down who inspired you. But no it’s now 10pm & you’re missing 8 references to submit along with your sight & sound presentation.

You know full well you don’t need the references though. Your photographs you have of traffic moving at night almost leaping out the page at you & your puddle reflection of what life should be like in the city instead for he chaos it is, speak for themselves. No matter who walks past your screen at the moment even if they don’t do the subject for your degree, just stops & does a double take. Your creation is the talk of the university be it pupils & staff or teaches.

But there’s one who’s taken a particular interest. He not your teacher. He teaches Philosophy about 5 class rooms away but he shares an office with your art & photography professor Jane. You are often popping in the office to book additional time or ask to use the larger printer. It was once when you were waiting for Jane to bring some resources back that he came in & started a conversation with you.

“So your little miss photoshop?” He says as he saw you waiting for her to return. “That I am professor, Jane has just gone to get something for me that I don’t have the funds to print off, I’ll be out of your office in 5minutes.” “Ooooh no…” he says with a slight smirk as he pops his bag on the back of the door “I’ve heard so much about this art, I want to see it what makes it so special, why is yours the talk of the campus”. He adjusts his large framed dark glasses. LIt’s nothing really I…” “you can’t say that without letting me judge it, please•”he waves a hand as he pours his coffee & casually leans against the back wall “I’m most intrigued”.

His eyes sparkle at you. You’re not sure there’s a brown rich enough to ever try & replicate those on any art software, they are unforgettable once you’ve made eye contact. Which you just have. It’s for all of a passing second but you’re lost, so so lost in them. You’re never getting out of this trance ever. He must see you blush as he very quickly moves away from leaning & fidgets. You go to your carry folder & produce 4 drafts of your work in progress, about The Speed of Silence & start to explain what it means & why you’ve done it. He stands there nodding hanging on every word you say agreeing & asking your different techniques. He really in engaged in your art & is mesmerised by it, like you with him.

He lowers his hand to ask a question & your hand brushed over his sending chills down your spine, it’s just the slightest feather touch but it’s enough to make you want more. He then takes his hand & rests it on top of yours. You both freeze & gulp, both unsure what to do next. “Professor i…” “shhhh it’s okay I think we…” he’s edged in your personal space, his head slowly drawing close to you, when You both hear the door click & Jane humming to herself so you break the look & return to showing him your art. “Ahhh here you are my sweet, sorry the lift was broken that’s why it took a while. Oooh Ben you’re here. Help me sort these out for her so she can take what she needs” & I pause in a fluster. My breath caught in my throat, my palms sweating instantly. This isn’t just some professor, this is Mr Ben!

Mr Ben every year at university, there is a rumour he’s dating a popular blonde student. It’s kind of mythology, & he goes along with the joke & plays up to it. But no one has ever actually seen him with a partner inside or outside of campus. If he is dating the blonde from the football team as she claims he is, or the brunet from drama he’s hiding it well. He’s not dating Jane, you all met her wife on the field trip to the Andy Warhol museum. But here you are standing in Bens shared office having just had a genuine moment with the man most men & women on campus would give an arm to do… & you did it without even realising.

You’re snapped out of your trance by the voice of Jane eventually “just because your art works at so many rates per second, doesnt mean you can slow down & daydreaming to” “sorry miss I just had a random though & my mind wondered” “maybe if you’ve got a wandering mind, you should sit in on a philosophy class?” Ben asks with a smile on his face that makes you feel weak. He’s biting his pencil & looking at you suggestively “…I…I… I really should get going” you sigh once you’ve taken what you need from Jane & your portfolio is back into your art folder. “It was lovely to meet you professor…” “it’s Mr Ben but please just call me Ben” he extends his hand which you take & shake. Large & firm & also just the right feel to it. It’s only once you get back to your room that you realise in your art portfolio & resources, that Ben had slipped his business card in there, with his office number & email.

You didn’t email him for 2 weeks & you actively asked Jane in her classes for supplies or support. You wanted to avoid Ben for as long as you could, hoping you had dreamed up the meeting & the stolen moments you had shared. He had filled your dreams since that precious glance & you didn’t want to fall further under his charm. Avoiding him you thought would help but it’s just made it worse. However fate lead to your paths crossing, not at campus but at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. You were in the gift shop looking at post cards scanning for ideas for your silent part of your art, when he walked past & turned back almost doing a double take as he went to leave”miss photoshop what a pleasant surprise, what brings you to the met on this wet winter afternoon?” He leans next to the display as he engages in conversation with you. His coat looks warm & cozy even if a little damp due to the rain, but his hair is in pristine place & his glasses are either missing or replaced with contacts making those eyes even larger “I need something for the silence part of my project sir, but I’m having a hard time picking it, so I came to watch people look at art in silence to see if that gave me inspiration but it hasn’t”

“That’s a shame” he says “let me buy you a coffee & we can people watch together if you want” “I’m sorry what professor?” You say in shock “it’s just Ben,” he offers his hand “I encourage all my students at least once a month to go people watch & come up with pretend story’s for who people might be that walk past them, it’s like a window to their own soul as they try to guess others.” “Did you just quote Man Ray?” You ask “because then I’ll take you up on that coffee & we can talk art & photography while we people watch.” The smile on Bens face is infectious. Gone is that moody professor who people gossip about. The person in front of you now is a man & clearly at least a friend, you both have a connection with the other. “I’m happy to talk art & people watch, it would be an honour.”

You start off people watching in silence sipping coffee unsure what to say to each other or about the people. The tension is palpable. & then someone with a Star Wars bag walks past you & you ask Ben “rebel, sith or jedi?” & that’s all it takes. For the next hour you both sit there talking about where all these people are going & what’s happening with their lives, sipping coffee & laughing. It’s only when his phone rings & it’s on loud that people shhh you both & he answers it. “Sorry, I have to go” he says. “But this has been fun, much better to sit here & talk with someone else & people watch than do it on your own” he says as he stands & you notice how tall & long he is. “thank you for the coffee Ben, as much as this was fun, it didn’t provide the spark I need for the silence I need for my project.” “Maybe inspiration will hit you a different way.” He replied & grabs your hands to help you up, almost pulling you into his chest. You can feel as your hand is wrapped around his wrist that his pulse has spiked. You both stand in silence for a few minutes & then shuffle awkwardly unsure what to both do next. At the end of the day you might not be his student but he’s still a professor at your college. You, against everything your body & heart are screaming out for more, decide not to act on your own needs & wants.

You both head outside the museum & it’s still raining. “Do you want to share a cab?” Ben asks in a friendly way “thanks Ben but I’m off to a friends now, i’ll get the subway but I’m sure we will bump back into each other soon” you blush trying to hide his affect on you. “Have it your way I’ll see you soon, I hope you work out your project” he waves a friendly good bye & goes to get in the taxi but he’s still distracted by your big smile & doesn’t see where he puts his foot. “bollocks” Ben shouts. He stepped in a deep puddle before shrugging at you & then gets into the taxi which speeds off. But in that reflection you see in the puddle from the ripples, the grey sky & lights of the city reflect back to you. The madness of the city being so calm & reflective in one tiny puddle. Ben has given you the inspiration for the other half of your project without even trying.

You don’t go to your friends, you head straight for the high line, one of your favourite places in New York & you start taking picture of the rain falling, the puddles forming & slow silent reflections gleaming back at you. It’s almost to perfect the mixture of architecture, nature & photography. It’s too good to be true. You don’t care that you are drenched to the bone & will be sick for 3 days in the next week, this is the perfect calming yang to your traffics ying. It going to look phenomenal.

You have every week since then gone to a different museum to see if Ben is there to people watch with, & you’ve also been popping into the office to discus your art with Jane, talking to Ben a few times. You’ve not yet told him he’s part of your inspiration for this, you will do before the presentation at the end of term. But you & Ben now have a close friendly relationship. He says hi when he sees you walking about & you have slight giggles & little jokes with each other. All harmless fun, but there are still moments when your eyes meet that you can’t deny to yourself, that you would like to be who the rumours are about. He always asks about your art & has asked Jane who it’s all going for you too. You hope he puts in this much dedication with his actual students.

10 days ago however your world crumbled. There was a rumour Ben was dating a student in the first year. As someone in their final year, you’ve heard all these story’s before & know they aren’t true. But you heart just feels like it’s shattered. Everything you had hoped for that you might have one day with Ben has gone. You remember this is just everyone’s fantasy & it won’t be happening to you any time soon. The student is what he’s always rumoured to go for, athletic, bit ditsy, blonde & stick thin. Not someone with blue streaks through their black hair, a squishy nose who could probably eat that girl as she’s so skinny for diner. You are heart broken from the relationship you’d secretly wanted more from, even though you hadn’t been brave enough to act on it. You bury your head into your art & try to not think about it at all.

You’ve seen Ben since this day & been nice to him, but you just feel a little lost. It is just a fantasy, everyone wants for Mr Ben to be there’s. To have a few stolen moments but you were sure it might slightly happen to you but it hasn’t. So you’ve plowed on with & burrowed your head in your art portfolios & are now just hours away from your deadline in the library, referencing as much as you can ready to hand in your appendix in the morning. It’s only when your music pauses in your ears, that you realise someone is sat in the chair next to you, with their own cup of coffee. You can tell from the hand on your music player alone, exactly who it is.

“Ben” you say not having to whisper at 10pm, as you remove your headphones. There’s all of 8 students in here all with their own headphones in. “It’s late what are you doing here?” You ask. You’re startled but also instantly calm that he is here & he is looking so handsome. The tie he is often seen wearing isn’t on, the glasses dark frame matching his dark black shirt & his selves are rolled up. He looks at you with genuine concern & affection in hope to help you with whatever it is you are doing. “Late night study group with my second years, 6 of them just haven’t understood the last 3 essays I’ve asked them to write or read, so we did a coffee & cake night. I think 4 of them have finally got it though, I always think it helps to share the problem, no matter what it is.” Ben takes your hand, that large thumb trailing over your knuckles, what you wish you could do with that thumb. “So I was walking past & thought I’d pop in to see who was in the library this late, & who do I see…you, little miss photoshop, with your head in a pile of books & websites, not actually creating. Is everything okay?” He ask, your eyes meeting & you do everything you can to look back at your work from this handsome distraction, but he lifts his hand to the side of your face to turn you back to face him as he softly whispers “seriously, your amazing, your perfect, I’ll do anything”.

That’s all it takes. You lean in touching his face in return & tentatively take his lips with your own. He’s a-gasp, shocked at your advanced. He can feel all the butterfly’s you have felt for the last few months since you met him. You’re electrified & then you very quickly break away from your embrace & look back at your laptop & not at Ben, but you can still feel him on your lips & how he made you feel like you were going at a million miles an hour but also completely still much like your photographs. “Shit” you mumbled “Ben I…” you don’t get a chance to apologise, Ben has turned your face back towards him & is engaging in the next kiss. He’s hungry like he’s waited for this for ages, like he’s willing to break all the rules to have a few stolen moments with you but he wishes he could have more. Your of age & an adult & not his actual student, he’s not that much older than you. He wants this but he has so many conflicting things going on in his mind right now, as do you. But you are both desperate for each others touch. This kiss is the best you have ever had. No man or woman has ever made you feel this good from just one kiss.

“Sorry” he says “I just had to be sure I wasn’t dreaming”. His words come out breathy as he pants. “I should go…””No!” You shout & realise it was quite loud for a library even when there is no one really here. “Please stay, your presence calmed me when I realised it was you” Bens half way out of his chair unsure if he should sit back down or go home. He wants to stay & distract you from your appendix, In so many ways. It’s all he thought about since he met you. Those few stolen moments in his office, your little smirk at the museum, the way your hands are so expressive when you talk. He noticed every single detail & he is desperate to make a go of this. He looks in your eyes & he can see the same desire & longing being directed back to him. He has to make the choice for the both of you.

“Grab your laptop & books & come with me” he states,”there’s better wifi else where in the library, it will make attaching your appendix faster & then we can talk”. Ben goes to pick up his mug & yours & raises an eyebrow at you. You know deep down that this isn’t going to be studying, you know you’re actually going to be the girl the university gossips about & if it’s true or not. “Okay Ben, I’m almost there though I’ve got 8more…” But Bens hand doesn’t go for your mug & you are interrupted. His large hand strokes across your chin before his thumb that you have often wondered what it would feel like, traces over your lips. You gasp & instantly become aroused. It’s so flat & soft & it make you want to suck it & beg for some of his other fingers else where. “Ben” you moan as his hand moves away. You hit save & collect you items putting them in your 2 bags & grab his hand, while making sure no one is watching you sneak off with a professor.

Ben doesn’t even check, he wants you & he needs you. The second your hand entwines with his, he is off at a speed your art is. He take you to the back of the library which is dimly lit & is where all the media & art books are. “Oooh you actually wanted to help Ben, I didn’t realise.” You feel a little flat thinking Ben has no intention of doing anything other than be a professor at this moment. But the second both your bags are on the table between the two rows of bookshelves, Ben is hoovering over you. Eyes filled with desire, his breathing is short, & you can feel his wanting of you radiating from every inch of his body. He doesn’t need to say a word. You cup his face & kiss him deeply as he pushes you against a chair at the table. Those large hands of his, twisting your hair, before one moves down your back to rest just on your waist, so you can be pushed further into him. You never want to break this kiss. The way your body is responding to his, is magnetic. The way you moan & groan just from a simple deep kiss, one filled with all the lustful dreams you have ever had about Ben, just taking over your mouth & making you want more. You know you’re aroused, your pleasure is screaming for him to touch you even more. Ben is also trying so hard not to just cum in his trouser right now, he needs you to relieve his own pressure as he grows harder.

“I don’t know what happening” you eventually mumble as he starts to kiss your neck “but I’m happy it is” you both say at the same time & then both have a little giggle before his eyes meet yours again. “If you’re not comfortable with this…” Ben starts but you squeeze his arse through jeans which makes him yelp. “So we did have a moment when we first met then?” You ask him “oooh yes & I’ve been trying to work out since that moment if I would be in trouble for asking you on a date, your not my student, I’ve never asked any student out before or even kissed them, even if they have since left” this makes your heart flutter. All the myths about Ben are false, he’s squeaky clean & is a moral teacher to be looked up to. No affairs with any students at all, & then you remember why he’s saying this all to you. You’re about to become his exception to the rule & you really don’t care. You’re going to be the hearsay.

“Well technically we have been on a date at the museum…” “that doesn’t count” Ben replies “& for half of it we sat there in silence & it was a chance meeting” he lowers his head to whisper in your ear seductively “however if you’d have got in my taxi, it might have been another story” he peppers kisses down your neck “no it was destiny for your to leave without me. Where did you think I got my reflection art idea from Ben?” He pauses his kisses for 2 seconds as he goes “really?” Your shy nod through your blushes are as hot as the next kiss he gives you. It’s so powerful that he pushes you into the book case, which creaks. “Ben” you moan at his sudden movement from the table. “This is so intense, I…I” “shhh baby shhhh” his lips are still searching for yours & your chin, as his hands move to your hips, which are desperate for friction.

“I…I…I need you Ben, I need you & im not sure my body will allow me to wait to get back to my room or your place, maybe your office or…” but you her the clink of his belt being undone as he moves a hand so it’s leaning over you holding the book case “baby, I don’t think I can make it to my office. I wish wed had this moment sooner, so I could have taken you out on a date first. I wish I had known, I wish I had” “the signs were all there Ben” you moan back at him as you undo his fly, the zip sound wrong but so erotic “are you happy you want to do this?” You ask & your hands move to your leggins & knickers to roll them down in a second “im the man, I should be asking you?” He responds in a soft tone. “Are you sure?” He asks & his face for a nano second has turned serious asking for your consent. “Yes Ben I want this, I want you” is your clear response Consenting to his pleasure as you step out of both your leggins & knickers & he reaches into his back pocket to produce a condom. “Yes baby, I promise we will do this properly another time” he rolls his jeans & briefs down to just below his knees & you see him cover his impressive length with the protection.

Ben edges closer to you & starts to raise your dress ready for a clear & swift entrance inside you. “You… you are okay with this… this isn’t your first time?” Ben asks suddenly very much aware he’s about to have sex with a student in the university’s library & not everyone has had sex before “Ben I’d have been even more hesitant if it was, & I’m on the pill” is your response. A small smirk creeps across his face before his lips lock with yours & he pushes hard against you & the shelving. He teases you slightly before he pushing inside you. You moan loudly, he’s girthy & much larger than you have had before. It pinches & pushes all the air out of your lungs. “Beeeennnnn” you growl, feeling so full & satisfied already, desperate for more movement.

Ben doesn’t say a word. He just sighs & thrusts again & you whimper. Your mouth & jaw go slack at the most relaxed but also most sexy feeling you have ever experienced in the world. He lifts your right leg to wrap it around him for a better & more enjoyable for the both of you, his hand gripping your thigh firmly. This hand then moves up your body & towards your mound with the next couple of thrusts, before his thumb, that large thumb that was trailing across your lips, flicks at your bud, you instantly clamp around his cock & moan loudly “yessss Ben” & his other hand covers your mouth “shhhh baby we don’t want to get in trouble now do we, be quiet girl & we can have some fun” & his hips really start to move.

Who’d have thought Ben was so adventurous in not only wanting to have sex with a student, but to do it at 11pm at night, not just in public but in the library where he works & you study. He has thought about you & how your body would feel for months now, when you had sex. But here he is, his length pulsing inside your core making you want to make the most erotic noises in the world, as he drills into you, with his hand over your mouth “shhhhh baby we don’t want to get in trouble do we, save the moaning for another night” he says as he movements become larger & the book case starts to creak that he’s pushed you against harder.

Crash! the first book falls from the shelf with an almighty thump from how fast he is pushing you into the unit. It’s not even a small book. It’s Hockneys complete appendix of British culture. It’s a coffee table book. So if he is thrusting that hard at this early stage, how much faster is he going to go? Your eye glances down at it but then return back to those large dark Carmel’s that are dilating with every second , every pulse & every want he has to make you feel even more of a woman than you already are. He’s so large, he’s making you gasp for every breath. He is giving this all he’s got. “I know you want to moan my love, but keep it down okay” he removed his hand from your mouth, but not before he allows you to suck his thumb. “Ben oh Ben oh baby yes” I whisper trying to not sound so needy & desperate.

He moves with an impressive rhythm. The book case creaking & the occasional book hitting the floor is louder than your collective moans & panting. You feel every thrust inside you making you want so much more. Bens lips move from your face to your neck, sucking & pecking away at it. His hand is now towering over you for balance as he goes & he breathes heavier. Such a large hand capable you now know of many naughty things you can both explore. Your own hands are digging into his hips & shoulders as you try not to scream from pleasure. “Yes Ben” are the hushed tones coming from your mouth “baby oh baby,you’re so good” he replies back. Every time he thinks you are moaning too much, he slows down slightly & he kisses you back on the lips, to remind you to stay silent. The moan he makes as he pulls away & speeds up again is louder than the noise you were previously making.

“Fuck ooh yes, so close, you feel so good…” you’ve reached the point of no return, as these breathy high pitched words leave your mouth. His hips blistering into you, he’s almost there too. He grabs you around the throat which makes you gasp & also shuts you up. It’s not firm but you did not have Ben down for doing that. “Shhh baby, we’ll get in trouble”. He mumbles as 2 more large books fall out of the shelving “don’t…care…” you just about manage to get out before your rendered speechless by the next 3 thrusts that hit the spot & you let go. Your orgasm spiralling through your body. Ben lips shhh you as you go to scream yes. You bite into his bottom lip to try & keep your cry of pleasure down. He’s sent you over the edge. Bens rhythm falls out of sink & the deep shallow growl his voice makes into your mouth, happens as he fills the condom with him own cum. Slowly he stops his movements, & eventually the books stop falling & the shelving once again becomes silent.

You wrap your arms around Bens neck as you both open your eyes which you’d both closed while cuming. His eyes less filled with passion now but still so handsome & so dark & mesmerising. Panting & sighing happening between you both. His hand cups you cheek “you have the most beautiful eyes” you eventually manage to say to Ben & a small grin covers your face in your afterglow. “No I don’t” Ben replies “yours eclipse anyone’s with beauty, they really are the window to the soul” You bring his face into yours for another deep kiss, one full of hope & wanting more than this. Your hand goes up into his hair to caress his head as you make out continues.

“We need to clean this up” Ben say when you eventually break from your embrace & he shimmy’s his briefs & trousers back on after tying off his condom. “We don’t want to piss of the library team do we” you quickly put the books back between you & make sure everything is in as a correct place as possible. “Am I really the puddle inspiration?” Ben asks inquisitively as he adjusts his glasses. The glance from your eyes of pure love tells Ben the truth without you saying a word & he walks up to you & kisses you. “So I’m guessing tonight we created our own version of The Speed of Silence?” You muster once the kiss is over, never wanting to be far apart from those lips again. ���You could say that” Ben smiles.

For the next month campus is full of gossip. There are rumours that there was sex in the library & that people heard books crashing & that no one been able to find that Hockney book since, but no one’s taken it out. As someone who doesn’t usually contribute & look like they pay attention to the rumours you find all this funny & really what you want to do, is tell people how right & wrong they are. No one has worked out the it was Ben or you or the both of you. You’ve had sneaky sex since, once in his lecture room when you did sit in on a class & twice in the art supply cupboard, but he’s yet to take you on that date he promised. Maybe all the rumours about Ben being a one off passionate lover were true.

However on the night of art & photography show case, things moved. You stand there explaining to your fellow student’s, alumni & teachers about your project when you hear a voice from behind you. “Why puddles?” Ben says & you turn around & you both beam at each other “whatever caused you to think of that must have had a really deep & meaningful impact on you” “yes it did professor…” you wink at him & Ben turns red & try’s to concentrate on the rest of your talk. Moving uneasily desperate for more.

Once the group you were talking to leaves, Ben slides in behind you “congratulations little miss photoshop, you are the talk of the campus, in more ways than one” His hand slips into yours, that large thumb tracing across your knuckles. “So are you Ben” I glance up towards his face. “I wish this was something more thorough, if I’m honest” you sound a little bit down despite this being your night to shine.

“& it will be” is Bens quick response & his eyes gesture to his bag, which he opens & you gasp. He has the missing Hockey book inside it. “Should we go return this, have a repeat performance & then I can take you out for dinner?” Ben ask. Eyes wide & seductive looking into your soul, once again making everything fly past so fast in your mind but also freezes you in time. You hand trails across his chin. “Took you long enough to ask Ben” He waits for someone to walk past before he kisses your forehead, & then takes your hand. “Your art speaks for itself, let’s go now & give the campus some real gossip to talk about” & Ben leads you out of the exhibition & back to the library, for your own private viewing.

[stormyoceans]

Mon mon mon your top 5 vice versa quotes/ top 5 visually pleasing vv scenes

ISMAY THESE ARE SUCH INTERESTING QUESTIONS BUT I HOPE YOU KNOW THEY MADE ME GO THROUGH AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS ESPECIALLY THE SECOND ONE (hence the really late reply SORRY!!!!!!!) SO HERE GOES NOTHING I GUESS

TOP 5 VICE VERSA QUOTES

1. “even though there’s only a little pink, jigsaw completed his drawing with other colors, just like our story. we might focus less on our love one day, but i’ll still understand you, care for you, and want the best for you.” “are you trying to say that one day we’ll love each other less?” “that’s not what i mean. im saying, even if one day you have to devote yourself to what’s really important to your life, rather than spend your time thinking about me, i’ll understand and give you my full support.” – puen in our skyy episode 2 [just for this dialogue alone i had to accept the fact that i will never love a pairing this completely in my life ever again literally no one compares to puentalay]

2. “and he paints my life pink forever.” – talay in episode 12 [QUITE POSSIBLY THEE MOST LINE OF ALL TIME]

3. “if this can be used to wipe away dust, i should use it with your heart. i think your heart hasn’t been used in a long time.” – puen in episode 3 [LIFE ALTERING TRANSCENDENTAL MOMENT IN HERSTORY IM SORRY BUT THIS IS SIMPLY HIGH ROMANCE TO ME]

4. “we all have our own pain that we are enduring. you can’t compare your life to theirs and judge them on what they should do.” – kita in episode 9 [KITA THE UNSUNG HERO OF THIS SHOW I LOVE HIM SO MUCH]

5. “whoever puen is seeing is his personal business. im his fan, not the master of his life.” – gyo in episode 12 [print this line, project it on a wall, make a powerpoint out of it, tape it everywhere, put it in a billboard, spread it]

TOP 5 VISUALLY PLEASING VICE VERSA SCENES

(i ended up going with a mix of colors and framing and cinematography to pick these and IM STILL NOT FULLY CONVINCED)

1. the bucket hat reveal in episode 10. not only this is one of the most scenes in television history (second only to puentalay reuniting in episode 11), but it also takes the crown as the most visually stunning. the pink/red contrasting the black/blue is simply beautiful.

2. the glasshouse kiss in episode 4. I SWEAR IM NOT JUST FINDING EXCUSES TO KEEP POSTING THIS SCENE IT'S NOT MY FAULT IF IT'S PERFECT IN EVERY SINGLE WAY. one may ask, 'why didn't you pick one of the two other glasshouse scenes then', to which i say ONCE AGAIN NOT MY FAULT IF THE OTHER SCENES DON'T HAVE PUENTALAY DRESSED IN CONTRASTING COLORS AND PUEN HALF HIDDEN BY THE GREENERY BEING SLOWLY REVEALED.

3. talay drowning in episode 1. I KINDA FEEL BAD PICKING THIS SCENE SINCE IT’S TALAY DYING BUT. look at how pretty it is. when i see all these gorgeous shades of blue (with a hint of pink in some shots!!!!) i can understand talay saying “let me appreciate these beautiful colors a little longer.”

4. the secret island in episode 10. at first i didn’t want to put the same episode twice, however i just can’t leave out this scene if we’re talking about visual elements. color wise it may not be as remarkable as other moments (although the touch of green against the neutral tones of the sand and the sky and the water is [chef’s kiss]), but the cinematography here is honestly breathtaking.

5. friend credits reuniting in episode 6. this is a shorter scene compared to the others but i absolutely love the way they were able to highlight the yellow in such a clever way, not only with the lights but also with the sparklers and the curtains against the black and the white/light blue.

[fabbyf1]

Hello Kate! What a wonderful and magical surprise have you dropped on us today!! Really loved the fic and I already commented this on ao3 but this really was such a lovely read!!

As always let me tell you my fav parts of this lovely part of warming! verse! Part 6 you are my fav you usurped my fav part 4!

1) The writing! Oh my god! This was one of your best writings so far!!!! Each sentence and paragraph was a banger after banger!! Hence, why I was going back and forth after each and every paragraph! There were many more but I had to pause for the sprint 😔 I always fall more and more in love with your writing with each fic you post!

2) the clothes sharing! A classic fabby. Always loved and appreciated trope in the fabby writting universe! The boxers. The pants. THE JACKET!!(the jacket part needs a appreciation on its own, i’ll get to that later)

3) the smut part, while wasn’t as smutty as other parts but it was amazing to read nonetheless. Especially Max coming undone because Charles has him wrapped around his fingers. Them not caring if they’re being loud and Charles hoping for a exhibitionism moment!?!! Max just praising his baby!

4) Charles’ growth. We have come so far from part 1. Max is really so good to him. 🥺

5) the unhinged behavior from both of them!! The press conference teasing, the texts (a classic warming verse moment), the impromptu blowjob idea!?!! Charles enjoying having the upperhand and feeling powerful and smirking. So much smirking!!!

6) them being in love. So so in love!! Disgusting(affectionate)!! I have never wanted to be in love more than I did when I was reading the fic today! The both of them thinking/saying about wanting to spend forever with one another!?!! GTFO. So in love!!!!!!!

7) Charles’ ability to shock and make Max speechless with dropping bombs out of nowhere is an art only done well in warming verse!! The power he has over the dutch man I swear to god!!

8) the whole jacket thing and the conversation and Max caring about Charles and thinking about Charles’ career. And them just being soft after sex!!! 🥺🥺 them knowing the risk they are taking with Charles wearing the rbr jacket and still doing it because they love one another!!!! 😩😩

9) the ending!!!! Charles who always has second thoughts, like in part 3, when charles goes to max’s and stands outside the door having second thoughts, but here while waiting in Max’s driver’s room having no second thoughts about a risky move! And them walking out hand held!!! And not letting go!! God!!!

Sorry this is long!!! I just wanted to appreciate this fic!! I don’t think I felt this much feelings about other warming!verse parts as much as I do about this part! Maybe it has something to do with yesterday’s magical quali and today’s sprint disappointment (from charles’ side). But really I just loved every single bit of this fic!!! 💕💕

bestie, oh my fucking god?????

I am spiraling about this.

You are so fucking sweet and I love you so much for taking the time to write all of this out for me. I cannot tell you how special it is for me to hear your favorite parts of the fics and your thoughts on the little moments I've written. It is like... the best most gratifying feeling in the world 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart.

I want to print this out and frame it and put it on my wall.

.......... i'm an adult.... with my own apartment..... and nobody can stop me from doing just that. huh. interesting. just kate things

[olderjodijournals]

Sunday, April 2, 2000

The series The Others is already over. Isn’t that pitiful? They used to make hundreds of shows per series back before the late 80s. What is this with only making 10-20 episodes per series? Everything on TV is repeats, repeats, repeats!

Dusting 33 dolls was a much bigger task than I thought it’d be. It seemed to take me forever, and there’s still more work to be done. Every few months I’m doing the cleaning that I don’t regularly do weekly, like the tops of the kitchen cabinets, and shit like that.

Tom has one of his famous colds. I knew it, too. I just knew it. Last weekend I told him I didn’t want to have sex. Well, normally, he “gets me back,” so to speak. He goes and does the same thing to me and comes up with a reason himself to get out of sex. I swear that just the other day I said to myself - no sex again this weekend, cuz you know he’ll have some kind of excuse to not screw cuz you wouldn’t last weekend. Then sure enough, here he is telling me today he has a cold. Is he lying? I don’t know. Although his timing is quite a coincidence, he is due for a cold, and he says everyone else on his shift is sick. He can’t go more than 3-4 months without a cold, but the good thing about it is that I know I won’t get it. If I caught colds as easily as I used to back east, look how often I’d have to go down with him and get sick, too!

Anyway, I know I should probably be sad about this, but I no longer have any desire for sex with him. If I knew we’d never screw again, I’d be perfectly OK with it. It’s for two reasons. One is that I’m sick of it, cuz it’s not new and exciting anymore. Two is because of all the lies, manipulations, and controlling he’s done in bed all these years to ensure I never got pregnant (with the exception of the 15 times or so that he dared to squirt in the “right” time frame. Yeah, after I’d convinced him I was psychic and that one of the things I saw was that I’d never have a child). I know I could never get pregnant, and I know I don’t want a kid and its burdens and responsibilities, but I don’t think I could ever forgive him for what he’s done/does in bed. It was/is totally wrong of him, and more so, it’s unnecessary. He need not worry about a baby that cannot be made, and this tells me that it’s more than just fear of pregnancy. It’s his stubbornness and his desire to be in charge of the sex and what happens with it. He wishes I was deprived and unhappy with it. When I used to be, he was amused by it. I know he was. It was obvious. Any idiot could see so no matter how much he’d deny it. Well, I’m pretty much permanently turned off and I don’t think anything can be done to rekindle my desire. We can’t make it new and exciting again, and even if he lost his fears and decided to show me how good I am in bed like he says I am, I still don’t see how my desire would be rekindled. I love the man to death outside of bed and look forward to being with him forever, but he’s old, dead news bed-wise. I’ll take my fantasies over him and his dry dick any day.

Last night was his last night at work. He goes in Monday morning at 6:00 and has to leave here at 5:00 and get up at 4:00. The night shift gave him a “good-bye and good luck” card that they all signed and a cake. He brought me home a piece.

I finally got to start printing again and began printing out pictures for Dureen and Art, but the fucking cartridge was defective. Yeah, I know. I just had to be the one to get the damn defect, too. I did get Dureen and Art’s letter printed out, and the 40 or so pictures that I printed, which are a bit grainy and blurry (the ink leaked) will go to Paula. I’ll enclose a few with each of my regular letters to her. Anyway, I’m beginning to wonder if something up there doesn’t want me printing these letters/pictures to Dureen, Art and Tammy.

I shortened the rat’s cages. I was sick of popping off their shelves, which they’d piss all over, and have their shit and piss go flying onto the walls and carpet, so I shortened their cage and left them with just their tubes. That’s all they really need.

Monday, April 3, 2000

Never before have I had such a craving for different foods than the usual mashed potatoes, chicken and salad. I want a week off from the same old, same old. I’ll never lose weight anyway, so why not a box of white powdered donuts, some canned peaches, some spaghetti, and some Grape Nuts cereal? Except for the donuts, this isn’t exactly junk food. Just different stuff. I eat healthy foods, don’t exceed 1500 calories a day, and am still fat, so what the hell? Although I’d look best at around 100 pounds, I may be able to drive my weight down to between 115-120 pounds if the fucking Bowflex would ever get here, but that’d be about it. For now, I’m bouncing between 122-124 pounds.

I’ve had allergy attacks on and off throughout the day. There’s just no knowing what’ll trigger them. It’s a real bitch to live with; never knowing when your nose is going to go on the fritz.

Paula left a message saying she was going to lose her phone because she can’t afford it and says she’ll send a letter. Yeah, I knew she’d lose that phone. Also, she’s moving again like she does every 2-3 months.

It’s been a week since I’ve heard from Dan. I’m not sure if he’s left the state yet, but I don’t think he’s gone two weeks, and definitely not three, without engine gunning. So, if I don’t hear from him by the middle of the month, I guess we can assume he’s gone.

I’ll be going to bed early this morning, and it sucks to know that the military will wake me up several times during my sleep. I don’t know, it just seems like it’s time for that. Time for them to be heard a few times during the day.

My computer has a slight flicker to it, which Tom doesn’t know how to fix. I’ll just live with it for now.

There’s not much left to do with my “spring cleaning” I plan to do every few months. The dolls were the most work. The rest is just cleaning the blinds, tops of doors, doorways, cabinets, and pictures. Places I don’t usually hit regularly.

The child desires have remained backed off, thank God. I feel silly having said I’d use a donor if I ever wanted one again. Yeah, right! As if he’d let me? If he interfered with my getting pregnant naturally, he’d interfere with my getting pregnant the invitro way too, to say nothing of the divine interference I’d get.

Even if the choice was mine to make, I doubt I’d choose to have a child. I would’ve in a heartbeat in the past, but times have changed. 99% of the time I’m OK with knowing I’ll never have one. I’d rather be curious than have a kid and wish I didn’t.

I sat and thought of the different things I’ve done and gone through in life, both good and bad, and I can’t imagine ever dancing again, even if I was still thin and transportation wasn’t an issue. I could never let myself be used like that again. That is so wrong and so greedy of those cheap club owners to make the dancers support the bouncers, DJs, and bartenders. The owners are obligated to pay their salaries, not the dancers. If I’m gonna work, it’s going to be for me and my husband and not my coworkers.

Later...

Just as I predicted, our brand-new house is already having things break. Tom says it isn’t broken, but nonetheless, our garbage disposal shouldn’t have hung up like it did. Tom unplugged it before going to bed and will fix it later. What else is he gonna have to fix? The car? The dishwasher? The washer? Dryer? What? God, leave us alone with the breakage for six months! Just six lousy months, will you?!

Freddie bit Tom when he was holding him the other day. I don’t know why. He’s never bitten me. Not yet, anyway.

My schedule’s slowly, but surely flipping. I slept from 7:30 to 4:30, but not without a million interruptions. Not due to the military, but due to a series of weird dreams. In one of them, a couple of boys who might’ve been in their late teens were trying to break into the retreat window. I could hear them talking and see their shadows through the white blinds. I got up out of bed and got dressed, planning to go out the front door and run around to the back and surprise them, but woke up before I could get out of the house.

When the Bowflex isn’t here by Thursday or Friday like it should be, Tom will call to find out what the next problem is. I just hope it isn’t the references. I had to guess Kim’s number and address since I can’t find it, and Paula’s losing her phone. Well, if worse comes to worst, we can use Steven and Dennis as references. They used us, so we’ll use them if we have to.

Dan hasn’t left the state yet. I’m not surprised. I think he’ll leave closer to May. The reason I know this isn’t because of the engine-gunning, but because I could see lights on in his place earlier. There’s a chance he could have lights set on a timer to light the place up at night while he’s gone, but I doubt that.

Tuesday, April 4, 2000

I think I might’ve been boomed awake once or twice, but I can’t say for sure. It could’ve been some other sound or a dream, but I was back asleep in less than a second. Today I slept till 3:00. The flipping’s going slow. It’s hard now that I’m not used to this anymore, and I hate it, too! It just isn’t me anymore. I miss the routine of a schedule. I hate trying to stay up, trying to get to bed early enough, trying to beat the clock, hoping I can be available at such and such a time, etc. I also hate going to bed in the bright sunlight, never knowing what sounds may wake me up. I miss going to bed in the dark, with less risk of being woke up.

I’d say Dan’s definitely getting ready to head out of state. He has two trailers that hook to a semi on his property. Tom says he thinks it’s to take some of his truck collection with him, cuz people often want trucks from the southwest cuz their vehicles get damaged by the salty air. He said that’d explain the engine-gunning, too.

So, what’s he gonna do? Buy a handful of shit trucks when he returns and gun those into shape too, for next summer’s trip to Indiana? How many years has he been doing this, I wonder?

Tom’s definitely not lying about having a cold. Although he’s getting better, as he says, you can hear it in his voice and there’s no way he could fake it if he wanted to.

I hope and pray that my worst fears aren’t about to come true. My worst fears pet-wise. Scuttles isn’t acting right. He just seems a little out of it. Quite a coincidence too, seeing how I just had a dream about him dying. I’d be soooo devastated to lose this rat! Never have I loved a pet like I love Scuttles. Maybe he’s OK, though. Maybe he’s just tired. God, I hope that’s all it is! I never want to lose him, although I know I have to someday. Just not so soon, God, please? Not so soon.

Thursday, April 6, 2000

I’m pretty miserable right now. Scuttles is definitely dying. I can’t find any tumors on him and he’s definitely not dying of old age, so my guess is that he caught Tom’s cold. Anyway, I’ve been crying on and off and am not in the mood to really write much now, so I’ll be back another time.

Later...

It is with much sadness that I begin this entry, for I have lost my sweet little friend. I’ll miss my dear Scuttles. He was so cute, smart, and fun to play with. He really loved me as much as I loved him and looked forward to seeing me as I did him. And poor Ratsy, who has to live all alone now. Rats don’t like living alone. Ratsy doesn’t like to come out and explore nearly as much as Scuttles did, but when he does - boy is he a hyper one! Maybe that’s why he doesn’t last as long when he’s out. Scuttles was much calmer than this little guy. Why is it that all my rats (with the exception of Bear) have died so soon, yet Ratsy, the oldest, lives on and on? Tom thinks it’s because all the others were bigger than Ratsy, and that the larger you breed an animal to be, the more you cut their lifespan.

And where does our mean, insensitive, unfair, cruel, heartless, ruthless God fit into all this? Only he knows. I’m angry with him, that’s for sure. He didn’t have to let Scuttles die so young, so soon. I only had him for five months. And I still don’t know what killed him, either. I didn’t see any tumors, and he certainly wasn’t old, although he looked and acted it during these last two days. He was weak, he wouldn’t eat and lost weight, and his brown fur started graying in the back near his tail. Tom doesn’t think he caught his cold, or else he’d have given it to Ratsy and Ratsy would be sick and dying, too. He reminded me that it could be a blood disease or other things just like people get. Maybe something went wrong with his kidneys or liver.

The last couple of days, all he did was lay around. He was very weak and appeared to have difficulty breathing. I couldn’t get him to eat, but he did take a few drinks here and there. Amazingly, he wanted to come out at times, too. It was like he wanted to see me and explore as much as he could, knowing his time was limited. He didn’t roam around, though, like he usually did. He’d just walk a few feet away from his door and sit there. At one point, I put him by himself in the pig’s old tank because Ratsy wanted to play and I thought it was hard on him with the way he was jumping all over him. However, despite his weakened state, he jumped right out of the tank, wanting to go home and be with Ratsy, even though Ratsy could get quite rambunctious.

It’s scary how fast one can die. Just three days ago he was as healthy as could be, so full of life and energy. It scares the shit out of me when I think of the possibility of losing Tom before I die between the ages of 61 and 63 like I’ve sensed I would for a few years now. Whether or not he died slowly or suddenly, I could not live without him and I would not live without him. Not even if I had all the money in the world and could buy anything money could buy.

We were about as close as any pet and owner could be, and I wonder - how long will I grieve for him? How long? I can be concentrating on talking with Tom, reading, singing, writing, etc., and then he pops into my head and I start bawling my eyes out. I think my eyes will always at least sting every time I think of him. Sometimes they just burn with the threat of tears, and other times I lose it completely and I cry and cry and cry. How it hurts to look towards his cage and not see him waiting at the door for me. That hurts the most; knowing he’s not at the door waiting to be let out to run around. To chase strings and bubbles, which is something Ratsy loves to do, too. I guess a rat is a rat. But even so, Scuttles was so special to me. There will never be another Scuttles and I can’t imagine ever bonding with another rat like this, or having another rat take to me as much as he did, although I do intend to get another rat as soon as I can. At least for Ratsy’s sake. Sorry guinea pigs. You’re cute, cuddly, and you sound neat, but you’re not my favorite rodent anymore. More like number three, with mice as number two, and rats as number one.

The day I realized he was dying, which was two days ago, was the hardest emotionally. I cried and cried so much that my eyes swelled shut and my allergies went crazy on me and I woke up every two hours. Up till I was 25 or so, I could just cry when I needed to cry. Now it seems to have a domino effect on me. Crying causes other problems, so I’ve been trying not to dwell on him too much. If I think of him too much, I burst into tears.

Surprisingly, I slept well today. He was gone when I got up at 4:00. Tom, who says he’ll miss him too, buried him in a special spot I picked out. He’s away from the others, but Ratsy will join him next to him one day. He’s just out front across the wash by the big tree.

Meanwhile, both lady mice are definitely pregnant and should have their babies any day now.

Saturday, April 8, 2000

Got up at 9:00. Yeah, my schedule’s climbing around. I can’t wait to get back on days and not have to worry about not being able to be available to go somewhere. And I hate having to go to bed in the bright sunlight, too!

At 10:00, although barely audible, someone was playing music. Again, it was coming from the back of the house, and again I couldn’t see any lights on at Dan’s or the renters. The trailers are still on Dan’s property too, so I guess he hasn’t left yet. Anyway, just like before, the stereo would have to be either outdoors or directly by an open door or window. The weather is nice enough, too. Not too warm or too cool at this time. It’s always possible that Dan could’ve turned off all his lights and opened his windows before blasting the music. That is the classic behavior of someone that lonely. He could even have the speakers in the window facing outward. I doubt he leaves Arizona just because of the heat. I’m sure he can’t stand the loneliness and that’s why he leaves too, to give himself a break from it and to see his family. It’s hard to have that many friends way out here, so any friends he may have are probably in Indiana and I still can’t figure out why he even bothers living out here. Anyway, we’ve never gone more than 4-6 weeks without hearing music, so once he does finally leave, that’ll be a good test as to whether or not the music was his, cuz you figure he’s got to be gone at least three months.

We’re starting to find at least one spider a day in the house. Thank God this house isn’t as loosely sealed up as Phoenix was or else we’d have a dozen a day. We’re gonna bomb in a couple of weeks or so when it’s hot to stay and when all the insects of the year have been born. That way, we won’t have to worry about three months. They’re probably coming in when we’re going in or out, and they could slip by us easily, cuz these spiders we’re seeing are super-fast.

We talked about getting one or two rats sometime within the next two or three weeks. I know Ratsy will be glad when we do. He’s obviously lonely and bummed out and he was never an explorer like Scuttles was.

Now for the best news since losing my beloved Scuttles - the Bowflex came yesterday!!! Was it missing a piece for coming when it did without us having to lead the UPS driver in? Of course. But fortunately, it was a useless piece; a rubber cap-like cover you put at the end of one of the bars to the leg extension piece. No big deal. Tom put it together while I slept and he said it took him two hours to do it.

Anyway, I love it and already I can’t imagine ever living without it! You can only do so much floor exercise, and treadmills and bikes are close to useless, so what was I to do? Go take walks in the heat with the snakes? You really need resistance! Resistance you can’t get on a floor, a bike or a treadmill. Pumping iron is the key.

It’s amazing how compact it is. It’s only about six feet tall and eight feet long. Each side has five power rods which are the weights. There’s a five, two tens, a thirty, and a fifty. Tom was smart by not bothering to get this pulldown bar you can also get, cuz it would’ve been a complete waste. You can do those same exercises with the cables and pulleys you use to do the bulk of the workout. We’ll only be using the leg extension piece for about one exercise. Everything else can be done with the cables and power rods. You attach the cable to whatever power rods you want to use. The rower is a seat that you pull a pin out on so it moves up and down the track it’s on while you keep your feet on the bar in front of you. I usually row with the 30-pound weights as my warm-up and cool-down, but to do most of the exercises I only use 10-15 pounds because I want to tone and not build. There’s a bench you can use too, either flat or inclined.

I went through and organized the exercises when I was making my own fitness program. Instead of taking the bench on or off every other exercise, I’m doing them in groups. First I’ll do the ones without the bench, then with it flat, then with it inclined, etc.

The only thing I don’t get, and that’s pretty contradictory, is how they say there is no such thing as “spot reduction” when it comes to exercising the backs of the thighs, and not to do the inner thigh exercise if you think it’ll burn fat and make them smaller, cuz all it’ll do is make them stronger. So what they’re saying is that I’ll build muscle there, but will keep the fat and the inches, too? Isn’t that impossible? I thought the more you toned up, the more the muscle you built ate the fat around it.

Anyway, my starting weight is 124 pounds, although I still don’t expect this thing to make such grand changes for me. I mean, that’s what I thought about quitting smoking, and look how wrong I was! Although I am an hourglass, I’m a pretty blown-up one. My tits are 37, my waist is 29, my hips are 38, and my thighs are 22½. Ideally, I’d like to have my tits be 34, my waist 24, my hips 34, and my thighs 18, but I know this is just a dream.

I’m not going to overwhelm myself with having to do the math. They talk about counting heartbeats, measuring skin folds with a caliper to measure fat loss, counting calories, etc., but I’m just going to use common sense. I’m going to keep on eating as sensibly as I always try to do anyway, and do what exercises I feel comfortable doing without straining myself. I want to work out so I feel the muscle working, but not so I feel it an hour after I’ve done the exercise.

Tuesday, April 11, 2000

I’m typing this in a thing called Word Pad because there’s a corrupt file within the word processor, Microsoft Word that I normally use. I can’t use the thing because I can’t access drop-down menus or close windows. I even lose my mouse pointer. Tom’s going to work on it tonight. Once it’s fixed, I’ll cut and paste whatever I type here over there.

This Bowflex thing is the best thing I ever had, not to mention the most effective. With the floor work, I’d get so breathless, but with this, it’s more effective and you don’t get so out of breath. Already, I can feel the difference. I feel firmer all over. Not just in a few select areas. I still have a lot of fat to lose and a lot of flab to tone, but I sure feel better. It gives me more energy. For the last three days, I’ve been up around 18 hours and have only slept 5-7 hours. I hope to sleep later tonight because we plan on going rat hunting this week using some of the money he got working on Mary’s computer (he got $80).

Mary also gave us four packets of those beautiful flowers. The marigolds and the sunflowers aren’t too impressive, but the mix of colorful flowers sure is. Since we see out the front windows more often, I plan on putting the colors in the front, and the others in back. We’re going to plant them this weekend. They don’t bloom yearly. They’ll die sometime this summer. I guess that’s why they’re only 69 cents a pack.

Tom’s getting a medallion for an award tomorrow for being the wonderful coach he is at work. Basically, his job is to help people fix their fuck-ups.

Now Paula does have a phone, from what she says. She told me she was losing her phone, but she obviously hasn’t. She said her phone would still be on for a while and to call her. She just doesn’t get it. I mean, doesn’t she remember my story about the long-distance blocks? Anyway, I’ll send her letters and pictures about once a week.

Believe it or not, the mice still haven’t had their babies, but they’ve got to be very close.

Tom set up the old dot matrix the other day so I could print out letters and journal stuff. I still can’t wait to have a new printer that prints in color so I can get these damn pictures off to Tammy, Doe and Art. Instead of getting a printer that has a black cartridge and a color cartridge, I’m going to get one that has a cartridge for each color, so that’ll be one for black, one for pink, one for blue, and one for yellow. No more of this not being able to print bullshit when I’m fully loaded on black, just because my color cartridge dies.

Wednesday, April 12, 2000

The sleeping less than 8 hours caught up with me and I slept 9 hours last night and didn’t get up till 4:00 AM. My schedule has just about flipped. I want to start getting up at 9:00 regularly. That’ll give me enough time to be available to do things and go places, and I can also beat the boomers once they start booming by again. It’s been a month now since I’ve heard regularly from them.

Again, I can’t stress how great the Bowflex is. It’s even helped curb the lower back pain I’ve been having, and talk about increased energy! Between my working out and all the housecleaning I do, no one can say I’m not active enough. My workout routine consists of about 50 exercises and lasts an hour and 15 minutes. As for housecleaning - I’ve done more cleaning in the few months we’ve been in this house than I have in the 6 years in the Phoenix house.

I’m saving this stuff quite often. Like every paragraph. My whole computer is hexed right now. Tom said it was just my word processor, but now other programs are being a problem and hanging up on me.

Remember how I said I had a feeling something didn’t want me printing out the pictures for Tammy, Doe and Art? Well, now there’s no doubt in my mind about that. All the pictures I grouped for them are gone, but everything else is still intact. If I’m getting all this shit for just planning on sending these pictures, what will I get if I actually do send them? These people just aren’t worth finding that out, so I’ll white out their names/addresses and send stuff to Paula when I get the chance. I don’t need to send them shit anyway. These are people I don’t like and don’t intend to reunite with in 10 years like Larry did because I’m not interested in their money.

I can’t wait for Tom to get home from work, cuz today’s the day we’re going rat hunting! I was just too tired yesterday, but today, I look forward to getting out even if I don’t find any good rats. They did, after all, have a shitty selection the last time we were in the store getting Freddie.

Yesterday I was up a pound at 125, but today I’m down to 124. Even if I could have the measurements I had when I was 100 pounds, I’d never weigh 100 pounds because the muscle I’m building is going to be heavier. I don’t think I’ll be able to get my weight much lower than 120. Maybe 115, but that’s pushing it. I also don’t think I can have my old measurements back either, but if I can get somewhere in between where I am now and where I was then - great.

Thursday, April 13, 2000

And today I’m 123 pounds. Yes, I can really feel the difference and even see it a little, too.

Yesterday was a great day. As soon as Tom got in, we headed for the pet store and found two cute rats with beautiful fur/colors! Not without getting pissed and shit on, though. Their definition of fancy rats is different. They consider fancy rats to be hairless rats (yuck) and consider what we know to be fancy rats as pet rats. They were the usual price - $7. I got a brown one that I named Fudgie that’s about the size Scuttles was when I got him, and an even smaller rat, the smallest one I’ve ever had that looks like a gigantic mouse, that I named Smoky. His fur is a gray smoky mist color. It looks really cool. He has a bad eye, though. I guess he may have gotten bit on one eye because of the way he squints. But he sometimes squints with the other eye too, so who knows what the deal is?

Fudgie’s not as dark as Scuttles was. I think he’s even lighter than Vanilla Belly was, too.

There was this really brave and curious lady rat I would’ve gotten if she weren’t a lady, even though her markings were similar to Ratsy’s. She bit Tom three different times, but not in a vicious way. She was just trying to get him to pay attention to her while he was trying to get one of the rats out. The young girl working there was afraid of getting bit.

I took some cute pictures. Naturally, they’re in the tank together since they’re too little for the other cage. They could easily slip through the bars. I brought Ratsy to visit them for a few minutes. God, is Ratsy huge compared to these guys! And to think that these rats will someday be bigger than Ratsy is hard to believe.

Anyway, Fudgie seemed to be more timid than Smoky at first, but then he became more curious about me and what’s outside his cage than Smoky was. All Smoky wanted to do was eat, sleep and clean himself. He didn’t seem the least bit interested in what was going on around him. He was so cute and funny when he fell into the water bowl. His back feet slipped off the rim, so he took a nose-dive into the water. It sure did startle him and he jumped out lightning fast. Fudgie slipped in too, but with his back feet, not with his face.

Saturday, April 15, 2000

This morning I woke up at 5:00 and we left an hour later after setting the bombs off. I ended up doing a ton of work today between prepping to bomb and cleaning up afterward, but 80% of the work was cuz of the animals.

We put the animals in the backseat and drove leisurely to Circle K where I got a brownie and coffee. He got soda and cakes. We also got a couple of scratch tickets and one won $3.

It wasn’t too hot like I worried it would be. It was actually pretty cool at first and I had to wear a sweater over my tank top. There was a nice breeze keeping it from feeling too hot once it got later. We didn’t go into the house till almost 10:00 and it didn’t smell at all, although we did what they said to do, and we opened windows to ventilate the place for a while. It was the perfect day for it too, cuz it wasn’t too calm, nor was it windy. Last night was a whole different story. It was wicked windy. Our power even flickered in and out a few times.

Tom still hasn’t gotten Microsoft Word up and running, but he said Mary has it still (that’s who it got it from) and we can reinstall it if we have to. For now, I switched from using WordPad to NotePad, because I was worried that I couldn’t copy and paste from Word Pad like I know I can from NotePad. This program’s very plain and simple. There are no colors and no spell check, but if you hit F5 it puts the time/date in for you. I like that. Microsoft Word does it too, but not with a hotkey.

Mary called earlier with some computer problems.

Paula called yesterday and I decided to answer since it had been a while. I wish she’d hurry up and lose that damn phone for a good 6 months sometimes! Nonetheless, we had a nice chat.

Oreo, one of my mice, was so cute earlier the way she was setting up the nest. I shred paper for them every time I change their cages. Anyway, she dragged strips of paper, one by one, from cage to cage and it was so cute. She doesn’t always set up nests in the same areas.

We got to see some interesting animals around here. I got to see my first jackrabbit today on our way back from the store, along with some quails. Yesterday, I saw my first Gila monster. Two of them. At least, we think that’s what they were. At first I thought it was Gohpie, who I haven’t seen, then I thought it was a small snake till I realized it was a big lizard. It was about two feet long. I took some pictures of it, but they didn’t come out too well. Tom said they’re as poisonous as rattlesnakes.

Tom dug up an ugly shrub-like thing that was by Scuttle’s grave that looked like a giant spider, which was nice of him to do.

A couple of weeks or so ago, our property began to become littered with little green clumps of what I thought were weeds, but today I noticed little flowers sprouting here and there. He says desert flowers bloom at this time of year. That ought to be really pretty.

We got the flowers planted and I started to get pissed off at God and society for a minute there while we were working. It wasn’t even 9:00 AM, yet someone, somewhere towards the front of the house, was blaring a car stereo. Again, it sounded nothing like having one of those blaring a few feet away from you, but still, I was like - you mean I still have to listen to this shit?! In the middle of a 10-acre ranch? What’s this world coming to? Before long, there’ll be no place to go to live in peace. There’ll be loud music everywhere that can be heard for miles and miles. What is it with these people I’m so embarrassed and ashamed to call my fellow humans? Why do they feel such a need to put on a show and be noticed? What makes these people so desperate for attention? So desperate to stand out and be heard? Anyway, the amazing part was that it only lasted a few minutes, not a few hours.

Tuesday, April 18, 2000

We’re still having major computer problems with both computers. He says he’s stopping by Mary’s today to pick up the Microsoft Word disk to reload it. He says that might fix the problem, but somehow I doubt this and am on the verge of doing everything by hand. I need a system I can depend on and my hand may be the only solution. I don’t like the idea of finishing my story or doing journals and letters by hand, but if that’s what I have to do, that’s what I have to do. I can’t play these hit-or-miss games, not knowing whether or not I can access this or that, etc.

Right now I’m going to go print out odds and ends, in case they’re forever lost and can’t be opened in other programs. Something’s definitely cursing both our computers, that’s for sure!

Thursday, April 20, 2000

Although I flipped my schedule enough to return to the Melatonin two nights ago, I woke up extra early this morning. I fell asleep around midnight and awoke at 5:00 needing to pee. I couldn’t go back to sleep, but I laid there till around 9:00 and even dozed off at times.

Dan made his departure loud and clear when leaving at 7:30. He just had to gun that engine a few times before leaving. He couldn’t just leave. The little fuck did a little afternoon engine-gunning yesterday and the day before too, but amazingly, it was only for a few minutes. When’s this fuck gonna split? In June? The trailers are still there too, seemingly untouched. With my shit luck, this cock will decide to stay here year-round.

It shocks me to say this, and probably always will, but I was the one who cracked my computer problem yesterday. The reason I couldn’t use the word processor I normally use (I’m using it again, though) was because my mouse pointer would lock up. It was a major breakthrough when I discovered that I could trick it by moving the mouse to the sides of the toolbar and not across it. Tom thought it was within the toolbar at first, but then he realized it was the mouse. I guess I had a corrupt file and it caused the mouse to fail, so he turned off the wheel motion and the double clicker, so now I’m using just a basic mouse. Just in case something happens where I can never use my word processor again, or open any of its documents elsewhere, I printed out important stuff; journal stuff, my story, pet and doll charts, grocery lists, phone numbers, etc.

Later...

OK, I’m going to finish updating with my new keyboard. Yeah, the breakage around here has been unfuckingbelievable! So far, 90% of what I’ve predicted would occur during the first few months in the house has been accurate. Tom’s not going to cum this month like I said I felt he would when he last came last November or December because I told him about it. So, he’s got to prove me wrong, of course. Fine with me. As long as he’s happy. Anyway, knowing a lot of things are going to be breaking takes some of the surprise out of it, but not the frustration. It still pisses me the fuck off. No one’s stuff breaks like ours. Not even those who have ten times the amount of stuff we do. My stereo stopped playing CDs, one of the sound machines broke, one of my staplers broke, my keyboard acted up (Tom gave me a different one which I’ll have to get used to), and I know there’s more. Of course, both computers are still having problems, although mine’s certainly improved since I made the mouse discovery. I need a new mouse. I need/want a lot of things and I realize we’re never going to truly get ahead in life, so to speak, if we don’t find out what’s cursing us and a way to free ourselves of it. I mean, we can move and have a nice house, but how much can we really do/have with this curse hanging over us? I have a zillion questions which only lead to more questions - why does this thing, or things, hate us so much? Where is it? What is it? How, if possible, can we get rid of it? We’re going to have to do some curse research.

I’ve certainly become cursed with the weight since quitting smoking. I just cannot lose weight/inches. I had silly hopes of being able to eat 1500-2000 calories a day as long as I worked out, but nope. I’ve gained weight. Some of it may be premenstrual water retention, but still, I should be at least a few pounds lighter and an inch or two smaller by now and I’m not. The only difference I feel, although I suppose it’s better than nothing, is firmer overall. I really am going to have to have just 1000 calories a day which is like total starvation for me. To go one day with just 1000 calories is hell on me, let alone weeks. But anyway, this doctor that’s associated with Bowflex is guaranteeing that if I do just 10 exercises a week, 3 times a week, drink lots of water, and don’t exceed 1000 calories per day, I can lose about 16 pounds in just 6 weeks. It gets even harder to believe: he also says that once I get my weight stabilized to an ideal weight, I can drop to working out just 2 times a week and can go up to 1600-2400 calories a day. Yeah, right! But even so, I’m curious to give it a try and see just how full of shit this cock really is, although I’m going to do nearly 20 exercises for a more complete workout. I’ll work out on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I’m currently 125 pounds and my measurements are as follows: Chest-37, Waist-30, Hips-37, Thighs-22.

For the sake of my crotch and the soreness it gets when more than two weeks go by before we screw, I gave Tom an ultimatum. I told him that I must do it at least once every two weeks or he’ll never touch me again. We don’t have to do it daily, a few times a week, or weekly, but we can’t let more than a couple of weeks go by. Nonetheless, the sex we had two days ago wasn’t as painful as I thought it’d be, and he had no problem getting hard. Of course, those times he did, he was normal, because if you can’t cum, you shouldn’t be able to get hard in the first place.

Tom ran into Dan today at Circle K. He pulled in to use the gas pump near him and asked how we like it here. He should’ve asked when he was leaving, but he didn’t want to be too chatty with the dude and give him the wrong idea. Meaning that we don’t want him to think he can just drop by for coffee whenever he feels like it or anything like that.

Again I saw those big lizards that live in front under the bush I thought Gophie lived in. If she did live there, she doesn’t live there now. It looks like there’s one adult and two babies that live there. The adult is about 1½ feet long with a dotted body and striped tail. Today I finally got a good picture of it too, which Tom was quite impressed with. He looked it up online and found a picture of it. It’s not a Gila monster. It’s a desert iguana. It’s not venomous, either. Gila monsters are supposed to be as poisonous as rattlesnakes.

The baby rats are growing day by day, but they’re still too small for the regular rat cage. I let Ratsy visit with them at times. Ratsy and Fudgie have really hit it off and they love to play together.

As for the mice, I’m just not meant to breed them. What? You mean first we can’t breed ourselves and now we can’t breed mice? Well, I don’t know what’s wrong here, but these mice would’ve had to have babies by now if they were going to. Freddie’s definitely a male, Oreo and Butter Rum are definitely females, they’re said to be in heat every other day and carry for only 3 weeks, so I guess it’s just not meant to be.

Now that I’m back on a schedule, I have mixed emotions about it. It’s different when you don’t absolutely have to be on a schedule and when you don’t have to check out of a hotel at a set time. I want to be on a schedule cuz it’d match Tom’s, and so I can sleep at night with less risk of being woken up, but I don’t want the pressure, the time frames, and the alarm clocks to deal with, either. For now, I’m just taking it day by day till my appointment rolls around and till they start booming in the sky again.

Yesterday and the day before, an out-of-area call came in the afternoon that I answered because I thought it could be Tom. On the first call, I heard nothing. On the second call, someone was definitely there, although I never heard any voices, breathing, or anything. Just someone trying to hang up, but being the little phone expert I am, I know you can’t just hang up on someone you call if they don’t hang up. You have to hold your receiver down for about half a minute before you can lose the person you called. Tom said it was probably a wrong number and that people often don’t speak when they realize they’ve dialed the wrong number. I think it was pesky sales, but why the silent treatment - who knows?

Two days ago a guy with a clipboard came to the door in regular clothes, saying something about working for or with the phone company. Then he read off the date we had our pole put in and wanted to know the address for records because of owing money or something like that. Tom asked if he was casing, asking weird questions like how many people live here, etc., but nope. Just the address. If he had asked that, I would’ve told him to mind his own fucking business and to get off our property before I made him wish he’d never set foot on it in the first place. He was probably legit, but for all I know, it could’ve been some bullshit plot set up by the cops for something someone did to the blacks or Mexicans that they were going to try pinning on me. I can’t be the only enemy those people had/have. Those kinds of people attract tons of enemies, and it’d be convenient for them to point a finger at me, say if their house was torched and they didn’t know who did it, cuz they made sure to get me on record for “biasing” them. Even Mr. Bias couldn’t see that I was the victim, but I don’t think he wanted to. Hey, what do you expect? He wasn’t white, either.

I have a new crush. Her name’s Carol Kane and she’s an actress. Surprisingly, she’s another blue-eyed blond. All I know about her is that she’s going to be 48, she’s 5‘2”, was born in Cleveland and moved to New York at age 10. I haven’t found anything saying she’s ever been married or had kids. She used to smoke, and is rather obscure and unpopular, even though she’s made over 70 TV appearances between series and movies. I never heard of her myself till I saw her recently in a movie called Office Killer. It was actually in a series from the 70s that I noticed she looked great in, but she didn’t look that great in Office Killer because her role was that of a mousy, conservative geek. She looked better at the end of the movie when she let her hair down and took off her glasses.

Saturday, April 22, 2000

Tom’s watching TV now, making no effort to fix Jade like he said he would months ago. I am so sick of this man saying he’ll do things he either doesn’t do at all or does so long after he said he would. He really disappoints me. Now he’s claiming he wants to wait till it gets really hot, cuz he likes to work when it’s really hot out before he’ll pick up the trash all over the property. He says he’ll dump stuff in nearby areas as I suggested by wheeling shit over in the wheelbarrow. We’ll probably use the land that’s to the right of us. I’m sure there’ll be some new excuse once it does get really hot, though. There always is. Gotta push and push and beg and plead to get him to do things. And how long must we let $250 just sit and go to waste? I wish he’d just fix the damn doll or get rid of it! I’m sure we could find some sucker on eBay that’d buy it for close to what we paid for it, then I could take that money and buy an assembled one like I should’ve to begin with.

Last night I began working on my story again.

Week two of working out and I haven’t lost any weight/inches, just as I predicted. In fact, I’m even bigger and heavier by an inch or two and by a few pounds. I’m building up muscle, but it’s just pushing the fat outward that’s on top of it. I’m not burning any of the fat while I build the muscle. As I’ve known and said for the last two or three years now, I can’t lose weight or inches and I never will, and I’ve got to just accept that and move on. I decided that if I’m gonna be as big as I am, I’m gonna have something to show for these inches. So, I’ve decided to turn these inches into muscle. I’ll still always have the fat overlaying it, but I’m going to just concentrate on building muscle. That’s all I can do, so I’m going to up the weight and cut my reps and work out only three days a week. On my off days, I’ll do rowing. Toning is totally out of the question for me. I can only build.

I’ll still eat reasonably, like I always do, and drink as much water as I can. I’m even going to start drinking filtered well water so we don’t have to keep buying bottled water. I’ll run it through the Brita till we can get a filter on the pipes.

Anyway, I’m just waiting for Tom to get closer towards the end of his day so he can start tiring down so he can have an easier time keeping himself from cumming. I am not looking forward to another boring, predictable bed session!

I’m beginning to suspect that the store we bought our mice from does something to sterilize them, although God only knows what. I know we put out the infertility vibes really well, but the odds of getting three sterile mice seem very unlikely. And I always did think it was strange that none of the three mice I had gotten were pregnant when they were mixed in with males. Then we get this male and still, they don’t get pregnant, even if there are only two of them now. I really think the store does something to sterilize them to up their sales. If you can’t buy one female and one male to breed with, then they know you have to come back and buy more and more if you want quantity. So, in order to have 15 mice, if that’s what you want, you have to buy 15 mice.

Later...

We didn’t screw. He just couldn’t get in the mood. He had to get up and look out the window in the middle of my warming him up by hand cuz he was “curious” about a motor we heard cruising by. He offered to go down on me, and I was sort of horny, but nah. I’d rather just quickly take care of myself and get it over with.

The Others is back to having new shows running, so who knows how many we missed these last few weeks, or why they started reruns if they had new shows. We’re going to watch it together when it goes on in an hour.

Sunday, April 23, 2000

No music or engine-gunning so far this weekend, but lots of animal activity now that it’s mating season. We took pictures with the camera and filmed with the camcorder. We saw quails, roadrunners, and more. We’ve been seeing those iguanas every day, too. The big one’s getting used to us. I took Tom out to see it and he got as close to it as I did when I took its picture, so it’s not too timid. We also saw a pair of adult jackrabbits and they are huge! I thought they were dogs at first. These aren’t cute little rabbits either, but big ugly hares, cuz of the way their back legs get so long, raising them up. They even lose their cottontail as they grow. They’re still really cool to see. I wish we could at least have one snake to get a picture of, too.

Tom came and got me while I was listening to music to show me that Gophie’s back! And this time, she’s a little braver and living in a closer hole. I got to watch her like never before. Her hole’s just at the start of the wash, like ten or so feet away from the house. I’m pretty sure it’s the same Gophie because knowing how timid these animals are, she sure seemed as if she’d had experience with people before. Although she’d run and hide in her hole whenever I’d go out to leave her some food, she’d jump back out as soon as I went back into the house and would sit there eating the food. She did some digging around her hole, too. We’re still not sure if this is a kangaroo rat, a groundhog, or a prairie dog, but from the research we’ve done online, it looks like it may be a prairie dog.

Later...

Woke up today at 123 pounds, but I can’t say I’m excited about it, cuz I know I’ll be back to 124-125 pounds within a few days. Especially since I stop shitting for a day or two when I drop to 122-123 pounds. I can’t lose weight with this irregularity.

To my surprise, we ended up screwing today, but not before he took a shower which I’m sure he relieved himself.

Monday, April 24, 2000

Another day of waking up at 123 pounds and having no trouble shitting.

Tom and I both worked out earlier (not at the same time, obviously). I’m working out Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and rowing every day.

It’s amazing how much firmer I’ve become. I just wish I looked it. Tom’s still so sure he can keep on eating the way he has and still lose weight and inches by May 19th (the end of the 6th week). Yeah, right. And I can grow purple hair if I eat enough popcorn. He doesn’t eat like a pig, but he still eats more than he should if he wants to lose pounds/inches. You have to diet as well as exercise. Exercise alone won’t do it. Why do you think I’ve cut my calories, I asked him. Cuz I like being hungry?

He still tries to kid me too, by saying that this working out will strengthen his arms and give him stamina so he can get off when we screw. That’s what he said - how many things ago? How many things were supposed to “cure” him since I’ve known him? Most other guys older than him don’t seem to have such a problem. You mean a piece of equipment will get him off, but his wife can’t? I don’t think so! Anyway, he can do what he wants as long as he quits trying to kid me about it.

I really picked the perfect room to be my office. Not just because it’s away from the den where he makes his gross eating sounds when he watches TV, but because there are closets in between our offices. That way, when he’s in his office playing loud games, I can’t hear it in my office and can still concentrate on my writing. If my office was in the guest room, then I could hear his games loud and clear.

I was tight earlier, so I called him at work since I was out of regular coffee and asked if he’d get some, which he did. At least he’s punctual when it comes to things like that. Cleaning dryer vent lint, fixing dolls, and cleaning up trash is a different story.

Shortly after I got up at 9:00 when my alarm went off, I saw Gophie standing by her hole, looking at the house expectantly. I brought her some of the rat/mouse food and some lettuce, too.

I saw iguanas today, but no jackrabbits.

I can’t wait till May 1st. I’m anxious to see if they update Carol Kane’s TV appearances. The guide I found gives all her appearances for April only, and of course, a month is about as far in advance as the TV stations schedule things, anyway. I can’t wait to see her in Office Killer again and this time I’m gonna tape it!

Tuesday, April 25, 2000

I decided to go back to bottled water again. Although it was a very subtle difference, there was a difference between the bottled water and the filtered well water, so for now, until we get a good filtering system going, I’ll drink the bottled water.

Smokey’s eyes are both fine now. I think that instead of having something wrong with his eyes, they were just shut cuz he was that young and they hadn’t opened fully yet. He sneezes a lot like Ratsy does. I guess they have allergies.

After doing some research, I’ve concluded that the reason the mice haven’t gotten pregnant could be due to either the store sterilizing them, or them being too old. Today after work, Tom plans to stop at Mary’s to sand Ma’s bathroom door. If she gives him any money for it, we’re gonna get five mice and boost the population that way.

This is the third day in a row that Gophie’s hung out by her hole just outside the front of the house. It seems she appears about an hour after I’ve gotten up and opened the blinds. That’s when I go out and bring her seeds and lettuce. She runs and hides in her hole as soon as I open the door and waits ten minutes or so after I’ve gone back in the house before coming out to eat. She hangs out there from about 10:00-2:00. Same time the iguanas are out and about.

Although I’ve been watching the calories and shitting regularly, I can’t seem to budge under 123 pounds and it’s very doubtful that I ever will. So I live my life 20 pounds overweight. It could be worse. Aren’t most people 50 or 60 pounds overweight?

The renters built a chain-link fence around the front of one or both of the rentals. I can’t tell from here. I guess it’s for the big dog one of them just got, which I can’t believe I haven’t heard regularly. It’s so weird how people use their front yard as their backyard out here. At least they’re confining the dog. Most people around here let their dogs roam loose.

Dan’s still got those trailers sitting wide open. Tom said the more he thought about it, the more he doubted they were to haul trucks away. He thinks he just happened to get a good deal on them and thought they’d be good to have.

I went online to see how many hits I could get on the names I chose for characters in my book, and was amazed at how many hits I got! There were computer people, librarians, tennis players, and people born/married who were coming up with those names. So I did a little name-changing, even though I know it’s not necessary. All I would’ve had to do is what people always seem to do with books and TV shows; put a disclaimer on saying that the book is a work of fiction and any relation to any person living with these names is just a coincidence, blah, blah, blah. Even so, I’d rather try to avoid hits if possible.

Thursday, April 27, 2000

I’m so frustrated and pissed right now at God. Is asking for the right to breathe really too much to ask for? Obviously, he thinks so. I’m sick of the constant tight spells and being so short of breath. And when I’m not tight, I’m congested. Why doesn’t he just smother me to death then?! I’m gonna finally break down and have Tom make an appointment for me, but I know it’ll end up being a waste of time and money. If I can find a doctor who’s where they say they are and who’s dependable, that I can rely on to return my phone calls, what can they do for me? Give me medication that won’t help? Or that’ll drive me crazy like that Aerobid did? I want back on the Theo. It seemed to help better than anything else.

I don’t have any say in my reproductive system, I don’t have any say in my breathing, I don’t have any say in my life!

Same goes for my weight, which I’ve finally decided to give up on. I’ll never lose weight or inches, so I’m just gonna move right on to the maintenance status and make sure I never get any bigger than I am now and that my weight never exceeds 125 pounds.

The flowers in front don’t look like they’re doing too well, but the flowers in back might make it. They’re just starting to come up, but nothing much is coming up in front.

I was thrilled to learn from Tom that Vermont’s going to be one of the first states to allow gays to marry. It’s about fucking time! No one should have the right to forbid anyone from marrying anyone. If a person wants to marry their goldfish, for God’s sake, they should be allowed to no matter how off the wall someone else may think it is. They’re not going to call them marriages, though. They’re going to be called civil unions, but they’ll have the same laws marriages do. A couple won’t be able to drop one civil union for another without legally divorcing from the first one just like straights. As Tom said, I wonder how many gays will move to Vermont so they can get married and how many will wait till it becomes legal in their state. I’m not surprised the first state to allow it is in the northeast, but I really thought New York would be the first state. I’ll bet Texas and Arizona will be the last to allow it. These are very conservative, prejudiced states. They didn’t even start acknowledging Martin Luther King Day till the year I came out here in 1992. It’s too bad they’re not a little more prejudiced with the hand-me-outs, though.

Tom and I used the glue gun earlier to glue seams on the plastic bottles the mice use where water was leaking, cuz I may really need these bottles, cuz I got five new mice yesterday! There are two different breeds of fancy mice. There are the shorter-haired ones that have satin-like, shiny fur, then there are the longer-haired ones with fur that’s kind of dull. I prefer short-haired silky mice. I got an all-white one and she’s gorgeous! I got a longer-haired one too, which reminds me a lot of Katie. Like Katie, she’s mostly white but has gray patches instead of brown ones. I got another black and white one and two brown ones that are identical and impossible to tell apart. The brown ones are babies and the others are adults. I listed the brown ones on my pet chart as Brownie and Gizzy, the black and white one is Cow, the Katie-like one is Toughie because of how she was the only one to defend herself against Butter Rum, and White Satin is my white silky mouse. They’re all females, and the lady there said a couple of them looked like they might be pregnant, but I don’t see it. This will be a good test, though. They were definitely in with males and at least some of them should be pregnant, but if they’re not, regardless of whether or not something’s wrong with Freddie or if Butter Rum and Oreo are too old, that’ll enforce my suspicions about the store doing something to sterilize their mice.

They had some all-black ones and I wanted one, but they were all males. We decided to get all females so Freddie and the males wouldn’t fight, but it turned out to be a waste of time, cuz Butter Rum was the one to instigate fights with the newcomers. I was surprised. I thought Oreo might do a little minor bullying at first like she did with Freddie, but Butter Rum was really out for blood on all the mice except for the babies. She bit their tails and just wouldn’t stop picking on them. I never heard of female mice being so territorial and vicious. I separated the bitch and her evil friend Oreo from the rest. If we do end up with babies, I’ll have three groups. Freddie and the male babies, the female babies and the new female adults, and then Oreo and Butter Rum. I may be able to stick some baby females in with Oreo and Butter Rum, though.

This store really has an awesome color variety. The other stores that had fancy mice only had all browns or browns with white markings.

Tom said, true to my vibes, that we’re looking good for getting a new printer in June. In fact, I’m gonna go make up new picture pages for the people back east and see if they “disappear” between now and then.

Friday, April 28, 2000

Woke up at 121 pounds today.

I’m getting closer to the end of my story. I’m just about certain I’ll finish it sometime in May.

The air fresheners we use are plug-ins that you insert cartridges in that last about a month. Today Tom got one oil warmer and refill to try. It’s supposed to last twice as long, so I’m trying it out in my office.

Saturday, April 29, 2000

Tom said that the instant he went out to turn the water on for the flowers, a bee landed on him and he reflexively shooed it away. He’s lucky he wasn’t stung. I can’t wait till we have that Arizona room so we can be outside, but be safe from these desert creatures!

Gophie’s changed her schedule on me. She isn’t showing up till later in the day. Yesterday, she didn’t show herself till 2:30 and she stayed out till close to 4:00.

I’ve rearranged the mice’s cages nicely. The five newcomers are together, while Oreo, Butter Rum and Freddie live together. Freddie’s the equivalent of how Velvet was - fat and lazy. He doesn’t wheel and I’ve never seen him screwing, either. He just eats and sleeps.

Some of my measurements are the same, some are smaller, and some are bigger. My tits are the same, my waist is down half an inch, my hips are up an inch, and my thighs are down an inch. Well, at least I’m still pretty much maintaining, which is all I can do. My weight is 122. It looks like I’m gonna be stuck today which will throw me back up to the usual 124-125. Plus, we plan on doing Dairy Queen tomorrow, which is about a thousand calories right there with the small fries and cheeseburger I get. We’re also gonna check out the Walgreens in Sun Lakes to see if they have small super balls. I know the rats would love one to play with when they’re out.

Rowing on the Bowflex is so fun and so easy that I question its effectiveness. However, Tom says that whenever you do any kind of physical activity, whether it’s fun or not, it’s doing something for you. Anyway, I just throw on the music and it’s a lot like listening to music.

Tom got up at 7:00 this morning, so if we get together today for a boring, predictable, cumless screw, it won’t be till the late afternoon or early evening.

Sunday, April 30, 2000

For about 60 seconds I could hear that car stereo somewhere towards the front of the house. It was maybe half a mile to a mile away. Fortunately, this car seems to be just a visitor and not someone who lives there or else I’d hear it every day and not just on weekends. And I don’t hear it every weekend. We better not! We moved out here to live in peace, not listen to other people’s music. When I’m at home, I don’t want to know anyone other than my husband exists, and if I want to hear music, it’ll be mine. I’m sooo glad every weekend that goes by that I’m not in Phoenix! It’s been six months now since we left and It’s just oh so nice to know that right now I don’t have to be stressing like crazy and trying to keep from wishing I could kill those freeloaders. I know it’s got to be a nightmare over there right now unless they simmered down upon my leaving. If they did it’d only be because God never had it in for the H’s as far as noise went, and God could and would have the Mexicans happen to quiet down. Either that or God would have it so that the H’s don’t mind their little antics.

It’s such a great feeling knowing no one lives just a few feet away, and knowing I can go to bed anxiety-free and not have to wonder if their fucking stereo’s gonna wake me up. The military might, though, if they start up on the 1st and if I don’t keep my schedule on days, so I’m gonna wait and see what they do. I was stressed out 95% of the time I lived in Phoenix. I was either stressing over what noise they might sic on me or fuming mad at noise they were siccing on me. Always with me, always with them. That’s how it was. Well, no more and never again! Hee, hee!!

Every weekend, I’m as curious as I am grateful. Meaning, I wonder all the time - just how do the H’s feel about living next to a pack of sick Mexicans? Just how do they have the house decorated? Did they recarpet? Repaint? Remodel the kitchen? Put a new floor down in it? And just how do the Mexicans feel about being boxed in by five dogs? Yeah, I know - stupid question. They couldn't care less.

Anyway, we went out today to the Walgreens in Sun Lakes. Of course, we had to drive 10-15 miles below the speed limit some of the time. The last time I was out when we got the mice, we stopped at the Walgreens near there to see if I could find a small super ball for the rats, but they only had big ones. They had the skater Barbie I want, too. That day Tom said there was money for either the mice or the Barbie and to take my pick. Naturally, I picked the mice. Today’s choice was the Barbie, if it was there, or Dairy Queen. Well, we ended up having Dairy Queen as well as a few things from the store, but no balls or Barbies. I figured this one wouldn’t have that Barbie. This one’s harder to come by. I got a couple of pairs of panties since I’m sick of having only three pairs that aren’t too tight. I also got White Musk cologne. He got patches for a rip in his pants. Lastly, this sticky stuff that you can use to hang posters, pictures, and whatever, but it’s crap. I got the cool idea of sticking my Barbies to the wall, but they were too heavy, then the damn shit made a mark on the wall. If there’s anything I don’t like about these walls it’s the papery texture. I like the glossy, slick, smooth walls better which allow you to wipe things off so much easier. Things like spaghetti sauce just get absorbed into this stuff.

Tom fixed the Barbie stand I have. I never set it up right, I guess. He also straightened Colette’s leg. As my shit doll luck would have it, I always thought that she was leaning over a bit too much, making her pose look a bit unnatural, so he straightened one of the legs which was attached at a poor angle, so he could straighten her up a bit and make her look much better.

This is the second weekend to go by without a call from Paula. Maybe she finally did lose her phone.