#going to get even more fucked up here in like 20 min bc i gotta finish like a 3rd of a bottle of wine still bc i can’t bring that shit w me

[bibleofficial]

drunk again :3

[rivercityrabbitsbro]

Sometimes you gotta pat yourself on the back for growth because you you're the only one who can really see it and I'm gonna do that right now.

This last weekend, through PMS emotions and everything, I had someone I've known for over 15 yrs explicitly state they're cutting contact with me.

We'd had a conversation the night before that happened, about another friend having an issue with them, and they were INSISTENT that "if you have an issue with a friend and you don't talk to them about it, you're not a true friend bc you'd rather avoid the conflict so that you can continue to experience that issue-filled friendship than confront the issues and allow for growth". And I pointed out that while I can understand and agree to an extent, they had to acknowledge that they didn't have the best track record of hearing criticisms or concerns and responding appropriately - they typically either blow up over something that's not the point/being said, or they just cut contact with everyone for 2-4 wks and sulk and come back never addressing it. And they agreed they could handle things better, but also if you're REALLY friends, you gotta risk it.

So not to get into the hard specifics, but the next day I got an incredibly dismissive response to a basic question - "I get you want to spend more time with me, but I'm good". From a person who, among other things, cut all contact for over a year with me, specifically, and seems to only engage with me if forced to in the context of a group, but then turns around and says they have very few friends but I'm one of them etc etc.

So since they were so insistent that Real Friends Address Issues, I did. I addressed it. And they fully missed my point to hone in on one thing I mentioned (that was so not the point that I even addressed that it wasn't the point in the text I said it in), and then told me to not bother contacting them again.

And here's where the Growth comes in: my entire emotional reaction was JUST the feeling of "how could you read those words and come out of it with the point you did," both in disbelief in how stupid it was AND in anxiety bc of my deep issues with being misunderstood bc I fail to communicate well.

No agonizing over losing this friend, no panicking over social repercussions, no "what is wrong with me". Just "are you fucking kidding me bro?" followed by my usual internal breaking-down of the various ways I could've phrased it better, and then realizing that in this instance I really wouldn't have phrased it any better.

If the issue was to be addressed at any point, it would have been in this way. For them to misread it to the extent they did they'd have to either 1) be taking me in bad faith from the get or 2) think of me in such a condescending manner as to assume my issue was over something as petty as they were arguing.

So there was no winning move for me here. Either I never addressed it and stayed maintaining a friendship where I felt Tolerated At Best, or I eventually addressed it and they would've seen it as "a conversation about nothing" (as they described it) and taken the personal offense they did here and dropped me at that point anyway.

Plus, if it turned out like this within a day of adamantly professing for 10-20 mins they want their friends to address issues when they have them, then truly it was always going to be this way. And that's fine. I don't need someone who can't accept the tiniest bit of criticism in my life.

Just. Fucking wild to me how unfazed I am. Not 0 fazed, but not my usual level of fazed. Just like "Well alright then. That sucks but whaddya gonna do"

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

some thoughts on what living with bakugou would be like:

-he’s weirdly organized. like he remembers where he put everything every time so if ur ever looking for something, most times he’ll just find it for u and it takes like .2 seconds

-will cook meals a large majority of the time, but if u bake sweets he’s an absolue sucker for them.

-if you’re like reALLY allergic to a certain type of bug or plant,, man’s got his eyes pEELED whenever y’all go somewhere together. like lets say, for example, ur allergic to bees. bakugou is blowing bees up left and right and u look at him and ur “no!! stop!!! bees are endangered!!” ,, he looks u dead in the face, like ur stupid or something and says “yeah. because of me. i’m gonna kill all of them.”

- if u have to get in an argument with somebody over the phone, he wants to hear it. like he’ll ask u to put the phone on speaker and he’ll just make mocking, bitchy faces while the other person is speaking. like,, he lets u fight ur own battles, but he wants to be there bullying the other person mercilessly in the background.

-if he doesnt like a song ur playing, he’ll just skip it. won’t ask, wont look at u, he’ll just skip it. borderline dick move tbh

-gets grumpy if u don’t follow his nightly routine on time, but also wont go to sleep without u. like he’ll just stay up and crab at u until u go to bed with him

-likes when u brush his hair for him. like u’ll be brushing yours, totally by urself fine, and he’ll just look at u and clear his throat until u roll ur eyes and beckon him over

-if u get like a bag of junk food or something,, do nOt leave that shit out, bakugou will finish it 10/10 times. he’ll finish it but then look at u and “why the fuck would u even bring that shit in here, huh? u tryin’ to get me out of shape or somethin?” ,, and u look at him like “idk man maybe just dont eat it then.” ,,, the glARE he gives u in response is muRDEROUS //pls this is quite literally the only area he lacks self control dont remind him\\

-has absolutely no regard for neighbors. he yells a lot and if y’all get noise complaints he just glares and 😡💥at the neighbor until they get scared and leave

-he thinks it’s funny to just subtly move things from time to time. like, for example, lets say plates. ,,, so like, u always keep plates on the left side of a certain cabinet, right?? but if he’s putting dishes away and feeling particularly petulant that day, he’ll just put away the plates on the right side instead. man’s then proceeds to smirk and laugh at u every time u open the wrong side of the cabinent from then on with a “jeez, u rlly are a moron, huh? they’re on the right side, remember?” god he’s annoying

-genuinely enjoys going grocery shopping by himself. like idk he just thinks it’s his quiet, personal time, u kno?? and he enjoys doing super-intense meal prep for the week anyways so he’s gotta make sure he gets the right ingredients

-u just hear muffled screaming from time to time. like u’ll be in the kitchen eating breakfast totally calm, and he’s making the bed and all the sudden just a “jesus fucking christ, swear to fuck im gonna blow up this stupid fuckin’ fitted sheet!” (which honestly??? valid. fuck fitted sheets.)

-if he doesn’t want to hang out with the bakusquad but they’re forcing him he’ll text u something like “I love you.” and then ofc ur like “i love u too. but also, u never just say that to me normally?? is something wrong?” and then total radio silence from him for like 20 mins and u get super worried,, and then he just sends u a video of mina or denki being loud with a “Can you get sick or something? I want to come home.” ,, i- 🧍

- isnt going to want a pet,, but if u have, like, a dog already when u move in with him, then it’s going to become bakugou’s dog. if he’s going to have to have a dog than he’s gonna make sure it likes him more than u

-hates doing laundry. will volunteer to do dishes instead 11/10 times

-he doesn’t sing in the shower but 100% plays the drums on the walls or his own stomach fight me on this

-he hates the smell of nail polish/nail polish remover. so if ur painting ur nails he’ll just walk in the room and walk directly out,, quickest way to get alone time

-speaking of alone time- say bye. u’ll get none of it,,, it’s not that he’s constantly on top of u or like talking to u, he just always sorta ends up in whatever room u are. like a cat, pretty much. like he won’t say anything, but if u get up to do something, he gets up and chooses to move his lounging to somewhere nearby

-he likes to scare the shit out of u. just like, rlly juvenile stuff like hiding around corners just to jump out at u. will just stand there and laugh when u scream, and will never, never apologize

-he gets weirdly worked up about hair?? just hates it, thinks it’s disgusting if he sees a stray hair anywhere. even if its his own. like yes it’s gross ig, but he gets so 🤮 about it

-he does house chores unecessarily loudly. like, u watch him and it seems like he’s doing everything totally normally,, but jesus christ why is it so loud

-gets bitchy around christmas if u decorate without him. he will complain the eNTIRE time if he does have to decorate, but will throw an even bigger fit if u dare to do it without him

-he gets mad if people drive too fast in ur neighborhood/ past ur apartment complex. like, y’all have 0 (zero!) kids, but he’s still up at the window like “Slow the fuck down, asshole! Why the hell doesn’t anyone have any common fuckin’ sense around here? That’s dangerous, you piece of shit!”

-if u sing around the house a lot, it’s the only habit of urs he’ll have absolutely nothing to say about. like it doesn’t even matter if ur a good singer or not, he just likes when he can hear u in the house even if ur not in the same room. he finds it comforting

-bakugou hates having people over to ur place. he thinks of it like his calm-space/safe-haven and it rlly pisses him off when people are there

-on the rare days he doesn’t have to work at all and stays home, mans is a total baby. he just refuses to get up for anything other than bathroom or meals and even then goes straight back to bed. he takes basically a 24 hr nap and expects u to do the same with him he’s so dramatic pls

-will make snarky comments about reality tv shows with u. just the bitchiest shit possible bc he enjoys trash talking as an art form, and absolutely does not care who it’s about

-likes to watch u do skincare stuff. he won’t ask questions and will be borderline offended if u offer some to him, but he just likes to watch u do it. man’s thinks of it as like his personal asmr

-hates online shopping. (pls i have absolutely no explanation for this one i just know its true)

-he has a lot of pride in his house so it’s actually rlly well decorated. like, he would never consent to living somewhere busted, lmaooo, so if u dont kno how to decorate he’ll figure it out for the both of u

-u can always tell if he’s falling asleep bc he constantly does that weird full-body jerk. like the one where it feels like ur falling

[ericsangyeon]

addicted - l.sy

‘He was like fire, she was his igniter. Together they were each other's addictions.”

pairing: sangyeon x female! reader

word count: 7.0k

genre: angst, fluff, suggestive

theme: gang au sorta??

warnings: SMUT!!, profanity, drinking, guns, blood, kidnapping, bang chan and skz are villians

a/n: hey guys! i wanted to try writing a fic bc why not! this is my first tme ever writing smut so be nice. also this was edited many times but there could be mistakes so just bare with me. enjoy it! i worked really hard hehe -t :D

playlist moodboard

~

“Kevin oh my god. I'm not going to that criminal ball.” I roll my eyes at my best friend.

“Pretty please? You can finally meet Jacob! And I'm pretty sure a certain someone wants you there too,” Kevin smirks from the other side of the work area. I stop cleaning the countertops and stare up at him with wide eyes.

Kevin, and his boyfriend Jacob, are members of the underground mafia group TBZ, which never gets brought up when I'm with Kevin because he knows it makes me uncomfortable. That was until Lee Sangyeon came into the picture. Sangyeon is the leader and “big boss” (as Kevin calls him) of TBZ, and has somehow found interest in me. Ever since Kevin brought him into the cafe a month ago during one of my shifts, I kept bumping into him everywhere. From work, to campus, to even near my apartment. He tries to make small talk with me, which I always ignore and keep distance from him. I see him all the time despite wanting to, and I want nothing to do with him…. even though he literally looks and talks like an angel sent from heaven. I'm positive there is some sort of an attraction between the two of us. But don't tell anyone I said that. Lee Sangyeon is hopelessly attractive and I couldn't help myself to have developed a crush on him. If it wasn't for his shady career choice, I would have hooked up with him in an instant.

“How many times do I have to tell you Kevin? I want nothing to do with him,” I cry while Kevin snickers.

“He's not even that bad, he only hurts people who have wronged him” Kevin explains.”But never mind about him, Jacob really wants to meet you and you said you’re free Friday so please, please pl-”

“Fine oh my god.” I huff while Kevin claps, pleased with himself. “One problem, I have nothing to wear.”

“Not to worry about that sweetheart, I got that covered. Just text me your measurements.” Kevin says. I was going to try to argue with him but I knew he would win no matter what, so I just shot him a thumbs up.

“Anyways babes I gotta go to class now. See ya y/n!” Kevin grins, blew me an air kiss which I caught with a small smile, and walked out of the cafe.

I sigh and put the cleaning supplies away. As I went to greet a customer, all I could think was - it's just a ball, with your best friend and his boyfriend. What could possibly go wrong?

~

On Thursday night, as I was getting ready to make dinner, there was a knock on my apartment door. I went to answer it, but found no one there when I opened it. Instead, a white box with a small bag on top, both had my name on it. “Oh yes.” I thought to myself. “The criminal ball.”

I grabbed both items and brought them to my room to open them. I unsecure the first box to be greeted to white tissue paper and a note on top, which I pick up and read the writing.

“This colour will look ravishing on you. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

Or at least that's what I thought it said. It was written in a script that I had never seen before, and it certainly wasn't Kevin’s handwriting. Maybe Jacob’s? I put the note aside and unwrap the tissue paper to take out the dress and my jaw drops. I pull out a ball gown that was wine red and had a lace strapless top with a semi-poofy skirt attached. Below it were gold open toed high heels. I laid everything down on my bed and reached for the small bag that was on top. Without checking first, I pull out what was in that bag and gasp. In my hands is a beautiful gold mask with black silk fabric to wrap around my eyes. Fuck. Kevin never mentioned it being a masquerade ball? Now I have a higher chance of running into Lee Sangyeon since I probably won’t be able to tell who's who.

I send Kevin a quick text saying thank you for the dress, cursing him out for not telling me that piece of info. To finish my day, I made my dinner and went to bed early.

~

Friday night at 6:45pm, found me applying my last coat of lipstick as I stood up from my vanity chair. Staring back at me in the mirror was a completely different person. I loosely curled my long straight hair so it was falling down my back in waves. My makeup was not too heavy, yet not too light. My eyeshadow was a nude colour to contrast with my mask, as well as my lipstick was wine red to match my gown. The dress and shoes fit me perfectly (thanks Kevin), as well as the finishing touch, the gold mask.

My phone beeps and I looked down to see a text that the car Kevin sent for me was here, so I grabbed my phone and clutch and locked up my apartment. “Goodbye bed, I’ll see you later tonight.” I thought to myself, smirking.

The car waiting for me downstairs was gorgeous and sleek, and when I entered the back seat, the driver tipped his hat at me and we were on our way.

After driving 20 mins out of the city, the driver turns onto a single sided road where in the distance, I could see a huge house with bright lights shining.

“Oh my god.” I whispered to myself as the driver pulled up to a mansion - no - castle with a staircase leading to the entrance. The car stops and I could feel myself start to get nauseous. The driver came to open my door, lending me a hand so I could get out of the car safely.

“Have a great evening, Miss y/n.”

“Thank you, I do hope so.” I smile softly as I turned to walk up the staircase on this warm June evening.

As I was walking in the big hallway that led to what I'm guessing is the ballroom, I went over my rules for tonight. 1) Don't trip 2) stay with Kevin 3) avoid Sangyeon at all costs.

But of course, when the guards opened the big double doors for me to enter, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at me as I walked further into the room. I see someone come forward from the crowd of people and my eyes go wide because I know it is not Kevin or Jacob.

Lee Sangyeon is walking towards me like he had been waiting for this moment, and there was nothing I could do about it.

He looks amazing of course, like a walking marble statue that came to life. His light brown hair was pushed back to reveal his amazing eyebrows and smirking lips and he was dressed in a black velvet suit that was so low cut that I could see a glimpse of his defined pecs. He wore a black velvet mask over his brown eyes. Sangyeon had me very much weak at the knees right now so thank god everyone went back to minding their own business.

“Y/n! I'm so glad you could make it.” He smiles at me. That goddamn smile. “You look exquisite.” Sangyeon said to me as he reached down, grabs my hand and softly kisses it while staring at me.

My breath hitches. “You don’t look too bad yourself.” I softly smile at him. “Now excuse me,” I whisper, attempting to create some distance. But his hand on mine got tighter.  “May I have this dance?” Sangyeon asks. I nod my head, not sure what took over me. He softly smiles at me and leads me toward the dance floor, where other couples are dancing already. As we were nearing the dance floor, I felt myself trip over my gown. Before I could faceplant with the floor, rough hands were on my waist pulling me up.

“Be careful y/n.” Sangyeon chuckles and I thought I would throw up on his designer shoes.

He puts my hands on his neck and grabs my waist to pull me close to him. Sangyeon starts to sway me back and forth, eyes never leaving mine. As we danced for a few minutes, I felt his thumb lightly brush against my hip bone and I saw him slightly leaning his face towards mine. I finally jumped out of the trance he put me in and unwrapped my arms from his neck.

“I can’t do this. Excuse me.” I told Sangyeon as I brushed past him, leaving him on the dancefloor alone.

I speed walk over to the bar and spot a familiar black head of curls standing with a brunette boy wearing a similar tux.

“Where have you been, asshole?” I yell behind Kevin, making him jump and then smile at me.

“Hey y/n you made it! Meet Jacob, my boyfriend.” He gestures towards the man next to him wearing the same mask.

“Nice to meet you, Jacob. Kev, I'm getting a drink and then calling a cab to leave. I can’t be here.” I say while looking around.

Before Kevin could say anything back, I turned my back to him and ordered red wine from the nearest bartender. I sigh and drink my wine and look over at the guy who is standing next to me.

“Rough night?’ He smiles at me.

“You could say that.” I smile back as I drank more of my wine.

He chuckles and extends his hand to me.”I’m Bang Chan.”

“Y/n.” I shake his hand back.

His smile faded once I said my name.”You’re Lee’s girl?”

I stare wide eyed at him. “I'm who's girl??”

Before he could answer me, a body was standing between us. Sangyeon.

“Piss off Bang, she's mine.” Sangyeon growls at him.

“Excuse me?” I said but no one seems to hear me.

“Chill out Lee, I was just getting to know her, but I’ll leave.” Bang Chan waves bye to me behind Sangyeon’s back and walks away.

Sangyeon turned around and looked at me, his defined jaw clenching tightly.

“Y/n, we are leaving.” He states.

“I am not going anywhere with you!” I yell back while a muscle in his jaw twitches as he clenches  his hands into a fist.

“Y/n. I suggest you go with him before he tries to shoot someone, because he will.” Kevin appears and says behind me, squeezing my shoulder. I just nod my head at Sangyeon. Kevin would never put me in danger. Right?

Before I could even say bye, Sangyeon grabs my hand and is leading me out the ballroom door, out of the castle and towards his car.

He opens the passenger seat car door for me. “Get in.” He says to me. I glare at him as I get in slowly.

Sangyeon shuts the door and walks over to the driver side, gets in, takes his mask off, and starts the car without even saying anything. And we are off to god knows where.

The entire drive was silent. Sangyeon is gripping the wheel tightly, rough fingers scattered with rings turning white. I'm too scared to move, only moving my hands to remove my mask and my heels that were starting to hurt my feet.

20 minutes later, we are back in the city and Sangyeon is pulling into a parking garage surrounded by guards. He pulls into a parking spot, and leaves the car after stopping it. I open the car door to follow him, barefoot and all.

In the elevator I kept trying to glance over at Sangyeon, but he’s looking straight ahead, defined jaw still clenched. The elevator door opens and I gasp. I walk out behind Sangyeon to see a beautiful penthouse common area surrounded by glass windows overlooking the city night sky.

Before I could even admire the place and the city lights that surrounded the room, my back is being pushed against a hard wall to face a livid Sangyeon. He grabs  my wrists and leans in.

“How dare you talk to other men, especially him.” Sangyeon growls in my ear. “You’re mine.”

I stare at him in disbelief as he faces me again. “I-I will never be yours. You can't tell me what to do.”

A smirk slowly appears on his face. “Oh yeah? We will see about that, princess.”

Before I could even think of a witty response back, Sangyeon grabbed my face and his lips were on mine, and I felt my tough interior crumble as I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him even closer, bodies touching.

He kisses me again. And again. Like he is possessing me. And it was working as I kissed him back hard. “You are mine” Sangyeon whispers against my lips. “No one else’s.” Sangyeon starts kissing down my neck, lightly sucking on certain parts, while I’m biting my lip trying to hold back my moans. It felt so goddamn good, but I'm stubborn and didn't want him to have the upper hand. Sangyeon sucks hard on the crook of my neck, making me release my lips and moan as I feel him smirk against my neck. He won, I lost and now I am melting into his touch.

Sangyeon kisses my shoulders and exposed collarbones, stops and chuckles into the crook of my neck.

“You know I picked this dress for you. Not Kevin.” he says while unzipping my gown.

“What?” I whisper, shocked.

“You heard me.” Then my dress is on the ground, leaving me in just my black strapless bra and panties.  Sangyeon is staring at my body with lust covered eyes as I just stare back at him, both of us breathing heavily, a boner starting to appear in his velvet suit pants.

“Wow, you’re so fucking beautiful.” He says quickly before kissing me again hard on the lips, shoving each other's tongues deep inside our mouths.

“Jump” He mumbles against my mouth and I obey, wrapping my legs around him as he carries me to his bedroom, never breaking the kiss.

When we enter his room, he lays me down softly on the huge mattress and proceeds to take my bra off, leaving me topless.

“God, these tits.” I hear him growl as I hiss at the cold air hitting my bare breasts, but the hissing quickly turns into moans as Sangyeon takes my right nipple into his mouth and sucks on it while playing with the other one using his hand.

“Fuck.” I moan loudly, mouth parting.

After rotating, sucking and playing with my breasts, Sangyeon removes his mouth from my nipple and starts to kiss down my stomach, inching towards my panties.

“You're such a good girl for me.” He coos on my stomach as I moan and squirm. Sangyeon brushes his fingers lightly against the fabric of my panties and looks up at me and mouths “you sure?” I nod my head back. He smiles before removing my panties with his teeth. I am now bare naked in front of a fully clothed Lee Sangyeon.

Sangyeon positions himself right in front of my pussy and spreads my legs open as I gasp and watch him lean down. He kisses and sucks on both my thighs, guaranteeing hickeys in those spots later on.

“You’re so fucking ethereal, Y/n.” Sangyeon mumbles and kisses the tops of my thighs softly, and before I could even think, his mouth was on my clit and I scream.

“FUCK Sangyeon oh my god!” I arch my back and moan loud as he licks into my clit.

“So wet me for me already.” He murmurs against my pussy.

He starts to suck and kiss my clit and I can’t breathe. I could feel his tongue exploring my entire pussy, eating it up as if it was his favorite food. My hands found his soft light brown hair and as I ran my hands through it, he sucked on my clit even harder. After for what seemed like seconds, Sangyeon comes up for air and proceeds to put a finger slowly in my hole, pumping in and out.

“You tasted so good, I can’t wait to see how you take my fingers and then my cock.” Sangyeon rasps out as he adds another finger as I'm a moaning mess below him.

“FUCK! Im gonna-” “Cum for me babygirl.” He says while pumping his fingers faster. I arch my back and scream his name while I cum onto his rough digits. He removes them from my pussy and sucks on the juices that got on them.

“Tastes so sweet.” He says while licking his fingers clean and staring directly at my hooded eyes and parted mouth.

Before I can even catch my breath, his lips are on mine quickly, stands up from the bed and unbuttons his blazer, revealing his amazing toned upper body and taking off his pants and boxers, cock slapping against his abs. He was huge, I gulp knowing that that's going to be inside me soon.

“I'm on the pill!” I hear myself blurt out. Sangyeon chuckles at that.

“Good to know y/n.” He says with a smile while running a hand through his hair before positioning himself over my body, hands on each side of me and aligning his cock with my hole.

“This is gonna hurt.” I thought to myself, since the last time I had sex was high school and it was awful to say the least.

Sangyeon starts to slide his dick in slowly and I can’t breathe again.

“Fuck. You're such a tight baby girl.” He rasps out as I let out a string of curses.

Sangyon thrusts into me slowly at first, but when he realizes i'm no longer screaming and just moaning, he removes his cock and slams it back into me hard and fast, which makes me lose my mind. He swears under his breath a few times before he speeds up the movements. I wrap my arms and legs around him, leaving scratches on his back as he leans closer to me and touches his forehead with mine.

“You're so beautiful sprawled out like this under me princess.” he growls into my ear as he thrusts even harder into my pussy, making both of us swear and moan each other's names as I move my hands from his back to his hair and he moves his to play with my nipples.

Between Sangyeon pinching my nipples and his cock tearing me open, the pleasure flowing through right now is something I have never felt before.

“Shit y/n!” Sangyeon grunts and thrusts hard once more into my pussy and pulls his dick out and uses his right hand to pump out his orgasm all over my stomach. His other hand reaches down to rub my clit in circles while kissing my neck and leaving more hickeys to help ride out my second orgasm of the night.

“Fuck Sangyeon!” I scream as I release all over his fingers once again. He licks it up again and mumbles “so sweet princess.” while looking at my dilated pupils.

He gets off me and rolls over so that he's beside my overstimulated body but head is tilted towards my direction.

“Are you okay?” Sangyeon asks me, concerned eyes looking over my shaking body that's struggling to even look at where he is.

“I'm amazing.” I respond back softly, him sighing in relief as he strokes my cheek with his knuckle.

“I've wanted to do this for so long.” He whispers and smiles softly at me.

“Me too.” I whisper back smiling as he kisses my lips softly and jumps out of bed, and runs into the connected bathroom fully naked leaving me alone in his huge bed, body paralyzed.

Sangyeon returns with a washcloth and a bowl of warm water and moves my shaking body so I'm lying on his leg while he dips the cloth in the water and starts to clean me up.

“You did so well for me. You were so beautiful when you came. So beautiful for me.” He murmurs to me fondly, rubbing the cloth over my body tenderly as I'm falling in and out of slumber. As I fall asleep, Sangyeon gets into bed next to me and tucks us both in. He kisses my forehead and wraps his arms around my waist and I rest my head on his chest.

“What a night.” I think to myself before dozing off in Sangyeons strong arms, moonlight shining through the huge windows.

Tomorrow is a new day, where we decide what happens next. But one thing's for sure.

I am addicted to Lee Sangyeon.

~

Light shines through the windows as I open my eyes to an unfamiliar surrounding, and then it hits me. I had mindblowing sex with Lee Sangyeon and now I am lying naked, tangled in his bedsheets. I feel an arm loosely draped around my bare waist. As I sigh and glance over next to me, I find Sangyeon lying on his side, staring at me with fond eyes.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He whispers to me in his deep morning voice. Swoon.

“Good morning, handsome.” I whisper back to him with a smile on my face.

I untangle myself from his arm, and attach my lips softly to his. Sangyeon does not react at first, but proceeds to kiss me back softly and full of tenderness as he cups my face into his hands. I break the kiss and lay my head on his bare chest.

“Last night was amazing.” Sangyeon murmurs into my hair and kisses my temple as I nod back.

Oh fuck, I just remembered. I sat up and faced the man with wide eyes.

“What's wrong baby?” Sangyeon asks, genuinely concerned.

“Fuck, what do I tell Kevin?” I gape at him.

Sangyeon chuckles loudly, eyes crinkling as he grabs my waist and pulls me down towards him. He tickles me, making me laugh.

After lying in bed for what seemed like hours and just talking, Sangyeon reaches over to the night table next to him. He grabs his phone and starts to furiously type as I just stare at his fingers flying across the screen.

“I told Jacob he is in charge over at the house this weekend, which means I get to spend it all with you.” He says as he puts his phone back down. Apparently, now I was spending the weekend at Sangyeon’s luxury penthouse. Good thing I didn’t have work this weekend.

After taking a shower in Sangyeon’s massive ensuite bathroom (and looking at myself in the mirror, in shock at the sight of my hickeys across my body), I changed into the clothes he left me, which seems to be his boxers and a blue and pink pullover sweater. I walk out of the bedroom towards the kitchen to find a very shirtless Sangyeon putting waffles on the island counter. He briefly explained to me earlier that he sent all his staff home, including his cooks, so it could just be us in the penthouse.

“Wow, waffles? You really know the way to a girl's heart.” I say amused as I take a seat on one of the island chairs.

He laughs loud and leans over the island, arms resting on the counter. “It's one of the only things I know how to make, so expect take out the rest of the weekend.” Sangyeon says with a smile on his beautiful face as I wolfed down the waffles in front of me.

“One day I’ll teach you how to cook.” I wink at him.

Sangyeon grabs my hand softly and rubs his thumb over my knuckles and kisses them softly. “I would love that, y/n.” He says with a smile on his face.

The rest of the day is spent just relaxing. Sangyeon shows me around his penthouse, from his impressive indoor gym to his walk in closet in which he implies that will once be mine as well. I ignore his comment. Afterwards, he shows me the tv room where a massive flat screen was attached to the wall and asks me to pick a movie, which I pick The Notebook.

“Really y/n?” Sangyeon rolls his eyes as he sets the movie up.

“Yes Sangyeon really. Now come sit here and enjoy.” I respond as I pat the spot on the leather couch next to me.

After the movie, and laughing at an almost crying Sangyeon, I go to retrieve my phone from my clutch to find 15 missed calls from Kevin.

“Oh good! He didn't kill you!” Kevin cries in my ear after picking up after the first ring.

“Yes Kev, I'm totally fine.” I respond quietly.

“Did you guys fuck?” Kevin asks and when I don’t respond, he screams into the phone, which makes me cringe and move the device away from my ear.

“OMG I KNEW IT YOU HAVE TO TELL ME EVERYTHING! WAS HIS DICK AS BIG AS JACOB AND I THOUGHT?” He yells into the phone as I softly chuckle and proceeds to tell everything to a panicking Kevin.

“Holy shit. I owe Eric $50.” Kevin sighs into the phone after I explained everything to him.

“You were betting on me? Anyways I don't even wanna know.” I say annoyed.

“Are you guys like a thing now?” He asks me.

“I'm not entirely sure.” I reply unsure.

“Well no matter what, I support you sweetcheeks.” Kevin assures.

I snort. “Thanks Kev, right back at you. Gotta go now eat dinner, I'll update you later.”

Kevin laughs. “Enjoy Sangyeons big d-” I hung up on him.

That night found Sangyeon and I, fully clothed, cuddled in bed and holding each other, just listening to each other's heartbeat and making small talk.

“Sangyeon, how did you become the leader of TBZ?” I asked, looking up at him from where my head was on his chest.

He sighs and looks straight ahead. “For generations, a Lee has always led the gang, no matter what. It was between my cousins and myself, but my elders picked me, as my dad was the former leader before he passed and I've always been a leader, even since I was a young boy,” Sangyeon replies.

“I’m so sorry.” I say to him. He smiles softly and kisses my cheek.

“Don’t worry about me princess. Tell me, what are you studying?” He asks me.

“I'm studying childhood studies and english lit  so after I graduate I can enroll in a teachers college. I wanna be an elementary school teacher.” I answer him proudly.

Sangyeon smiles at me fondly. “You will be an amazing teacher.” He says while stroking my face with his hands. He kisses me softly as I melt into his touch.

After not being so sure about Sangyeon, I have come to realize how amazing he is. I can feel myself starting to like him more and more each day.

I am his and he is mine and in the end, it's him and I.

~

Months pass, and Sangyeon and I can’t get enough of each other. Everyday when I finish my shift at work, he picks me up and we either go to his place or mine to have dinner. Last week I even taught him how to boil pasta! But, sometimes we don’t even make it to dinner because I end up riding him in the back of his luxury car. Whoops.

One day while we were lying in bed after having sex, I sat up.

“Wait Sangyeon, what are we?” I asked him, facing where he was lying on his back.

Sangyeon sat up next to me.  “Well y/n, I'm extremely fond of you and think you are the most intelligent and beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on, and I wish to give you nothing but happiness and satisfaction. I would love nothing more than for you to be my girlfriend,” He says to me, a glimmer in his eyes.

I stare at him, shocked because no one has ever said anything like this to me, and then I felt myself smile at him as I wrap my arms around his shoulders.

“Yes Lee Sangyeon, I will be your girlfriend. I will be yours.”

He smiles wide back at me. “Then you are all mine.” He whispers back as he connects his lips with mine for a passionate kiss.

Kevin thinks it’s hilarious that I wear more turtlenecks more often, which always makes me turn beet red. Because when Sangyeon and I have sex, he doesn’t just bite, he chews on my body like a fucking dog (“Doesnt it feel so good though?” “Kevin I swear to god.”) I have also gotten to meet Sangyeon’s entire gang, made up of 11 men including himself, and watching Sangyeon speak to them so confidently and leader-like makes my heart flutter. Yeah, I definitely think I’ve fallen in love with Lee Sangyeon.

A rainy Thursday afternoon found me finishing up my shift at work, getting ready to close the cafe as the only employee left. Sangyeon had texted me earlier saying he couldn't pick me up today due to an important meeting, so I was stuck walking home alone. Which was fine with me since my apartment was only a ten minute walk from the cafe.

As I was locking up the cafe doors, I heard a car engine behind me. I turned around smiling, expecting to see Sangyeon, but my smile faded, when the window opened and Bang Chan was in the passenger seat, pointing a gun at me.

“Y/n. Get in the car right now so no one gets hurt.” He commands me in a monotone voice.

“Never.” I sneer back at him and start to back away from the car.

“Fine. Guess we are doing this the hard way.” He replies.

Before I could sprint away, someone appeared behind me, put a cloth to my mouth and grabbed my waist. As the world around me went black, all I could think was, “Lee Sangyeon is going to murder you for stealing his girl.”

Blood. Blood is dripping from a gash in my forehead when I regain consciousness. I look around frantically to find myself in what looked like an abandoned warehouse with my hands and legs tied together with heavy rope.

“Help!” I scream loudly, but that did not do anything for my situation. Instead, Bang Chan enters with another man holding a rifle and I feel another scream forming in my throat. The rope tied around my hands and legs were digging into my flesh and I could feel blood emerging from them.

“Ah y/n! Lee’s playtoy! Glad to see you awake!” Bang Chan claps and smiles at me wickedly while I just glare back.

“TBZ knows you're with us sweetheart.” He says. “We told them it's either you or the money.”

My mouth opens and then closes. “What money? I swear I don't know anything, he never tells me about his work,” I cry to him.

“LIES!” Bang Chan screams. “Han. Go get her.” The other man - Han - walks over to me, ignites the rifle and puts it against my head hard. I start to cry even harder and squirm in my spot even though I feel the rope burning getting worse.

“We are going to try this again y/n. Where is the money?” Bang Chan yells into my face. I spat at him and Han forced the gun to my already bleeding forehead harder.

“I'm done. Shoot her.” Bang Chan shouts.

“No, please don't shoot!” I cry, knowing nothing will make a difference.

As I felt Han press down on the trigger, I stop thrashing and sat still. At this point, there was nothing I could do to stop this myself.

Lee Sangyeon, don't forget about me.

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH HER!” A familiar voice yells behind Bang Chan.

I wail loud with my last bit of strength I had.  “Help m-” BOOM!

Around me, I see the building collapse, rubble hitting my head as it knocks me over. Gunshots were loud and clear although my ears were ringing loud.

The last thing I remember before blacking out again were strong arms pulling me out of rubble.

Beeping. White ceiling. That is what I see and hear when I finally regain consciousness again. Looking around the plain room, I can see that I’m in a hospital bed. There is a bandage on my head and I can feel both my wrists and feet bandaged tightly, as well as an IV in my right arm. I move my head to the right slowly to the hallway window and see guards are positioned outside the hospital room. “Anything for Lee Sangyeon’s girl.” I think to myself and chuckle.

Wait. Sangyeon. Where is he? Is he alive?

“Hey sweet cheeks.” I hear a voice from the other side of the room. I slowly turn my head to see Kevin standing up from the couch that is in front of my bed and smiling at me.

“I'm glad you're okay. You woke up earlier than the doctors thought. You don’t have to worry about the Stray Kids gang anymore. They all died in the explosion.” He explains to me.

I nod my head slowly.

“Sangyeon. Where is Sangyeon?” I rasp out to Kevin.

Kevin softly smirks and shakes his head at the ground. “He's okay, he was here a few minutes ago, he hasn’t left your side in days. I’ll go get him, he's just getting his bandages touched up. He got injured in the explosion while pulling you out of the rubble.” Kevin tells me as I feel tears in my eyes. He would’ve sacrificed himself to save my life.

After patting my head softly, Kevin left the room to get Sangyeon, leaving me alone crying softly.

“Y/n.” I gasp and sit up and look towards the door, where the love of my life, Lee Sangyeon is standing with white bandages on his left arm and tears streaming down his scratched up, but beautiful face. Seeing him standing in front of me, makes me cry even harder. Without saying anything, I rip the IV out of my arm, slide out of the bed and jump into Sangyeons arms, and engulf him in a hug, which he gladly returns.

“I thought I lost you.” I cry into his shoulder as he sits down on the bed with me on his lap. I move my head to stare into his beautiful eyes, that still have his usual shimmer, even after all that has happened. “You'll never lose me.” He whispers fondly as he cups my face in his hands and wipes away my tears softly with his right thumb.

Sangyeon held me like I was a broken doll, fragile but sweet. He whispered sorry to me over and over again, which I quickly shushed and ran a bandaged hand through his soft brown hair.

“I love you so much.” I say to him, grabbing his neck softly and pulling him towards me.

“I love you more princess.” He says while smiling wide at me, which made me smile back at him as we connected foreheads.

~

“God Sangyeon. Go take a shower you stink.” I say to him as we enter his penthouse after being in the hospital for days, which ended with the doctor clearing both of us. I got the bandages on my head, hands, and feet, and he got his bandages removed.

“And you don’t smell y/n?” He smirks at me as I scoff. “Shower with me.” He says, eyes darkening as my breath hitches.

“Okay.” I nod, and we are on our way to his huge ensuite bathroom.

We both strip out of our dirty clothes and get into the massive glass shower, me going in first with Sangyeon following.

I watch him pump the liquid from the shampoo bottle into his hands, and lather the shampoo into my hair as he stands behind me.

“You’re so fucking beautiful Y/n” Sangyeon tells me as I lean my back into his chest. His hands lightly trace my body, lingering on my lower stomach and my breasts. I could feel his erection growing, and being the little greedy bitch I am, I grind down on it slowly. All of a sudden, he turns me around and attaches his lips to mine hard, and we are both caught in a rough make out session. He breaks the kiss and stares at me with lust clouded eyes.

“Are you gonna take care of this princess?” Sangyeon asks me while his eyes are motioning to his cock.

“Yes Sir.” I reply, not sure where that came from, as he pushes my shoulders down lightly and I feel myself fall to my knees.

Without thinking, I grab his hard cock with my hands and pump it a few times.I licked the slit tasting the precum that had come out, before sinking my mouth down his shaft softly, making him swear under his breath.

“Fuck you’re such a good girl. You suck my cock so well.” He hisses while grabbing my hair and guiding my head back and forth while I lap up his precum. He guides my head so that I swallow his cock and I gag on it a bit, which makes him growl loudly. My watering eyes glanced up at Sangyeon to see his head tilted back, mouth open partially.

“Fuck y/n I’m gonna cum. Gonna dirty up that hot mouth of yours.” Sangyeon rasps out as I feel his hot cum go down my throat as he rides out his orgasm. I release myself from his dripping cock and swallow the cum that had landed in my mouth.

“Fuck y/n. Princess. You're so good at that.” He cooes at me while helping me stand up and kisses me quickly and firmly on the mouth.

“Do I get something for being good, Sir?” I ask him while batting my eyes together, trying to pout as much as I could.

“That depends, what do you want? You want me to fuck you in this shower until you can't walk” He asks me loudly.

“God yes!” I answer him. Sangyeon picks me up like I weigh nothing as I wrap my legs and arms around his broad body.

“FUCK!” I scream as Sangyeon slams his cock into my pussy without any warning.

“You’re so fucking tight, shit.” Sangyeon curses under his breath.

I moan like crazy as Sangyeon fucks me hard, every thrust hitting my g-spot.

“You feel so good y/n. Your tight pussy feels amazing around my cock.” He rasps out before sucking on my jaw, making me arch my back and moan. I could feel my orgasm coming already. Sangyeon is a sex god and he knew how to have me cumming within seconds.

“I'm gonna cum in you, y/n, ok? I want you to feel my hot cum inside of you.” He growls in my ear as I loudly moan. I couldn't even answer him, I just nodded my head while leaving scratches on his back.

“FUCK!” We both scream and cum at the same time, I shudder feeling Sangyeons hot load entering my pussy. He drops his head onto my shoulder, whispering praise in my ear as I'm shaking in his arms. Both of us panting and sweating, even underneath the water. When he pulls his cock out, his cum and my cum is dripping fast out of my pussy. Sangyeon puts me down but I start to fall over, so he catches me and starts to snicker.

“Well I guess we have to take a real shower now and clean ourselves up.” He says amusingly as I roll my eyes and smack his chest as he laughs.

~

June 2021, I finally graduate college! As my name is being called, shouts and cheers come from the audience as I look and see the entire TBZ gang jumping up and down. My smile grows even bigger when I'm shaking the headmaster's hand and see Sangyeon, my boyfriend of one year, in the audience holding a bouquet of red roses with a huge proud smile on his face. After enrolling in teacher’s college and officially moving in with Sangyeon, Kevin announces to everyone over a gang family dinner that he and Jacob are getting married, and that I'm his best person, which makes the whole gang erupt in chaos. Sangyeon has to calm everyone down, and congratulates the happy couple fondly, knowing that everyone will be as supportive when he finally asks his best girl to marry him.

Two months later I found myself at the MoonBae wedding. During the reception, Kevin calls all the non-married men and women to the dance floor so he can throw the bouquet. What shocks everyone the most is when I catch it, making Kevin and Jacob both scream and tackle me in a hug. Sangyeon chokes on his glass of scotch and turns purple watching the whole event unfold.

Sangyeon proposes to me one quiet night four months after Kevin and Jacob’s wedding as we are both drinking wine and watching the sunset on his penthouse balcony.

“Y/n, You are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.” He says to me with tears in eyes as he gets down on one knee. “Will you marry me?” Sangyeon asks.

“Yes! Of course I’ll marry you. ” I answer him crying.

Sangyeon smiles wide at me and picks me up and spins me around before kissing me passionately.

“I love you so much y/n l/n.”

“I love you more Lee Sangyeon.”

“You’re mine forever.”

“And I'm yours.”

well i hope you enjoyed! sorry if it was bad or rushed again it was my first time hehe

stream breaking dawn and support tbz on kingdom :D

[marinettereadsfics]

Kim Seokjin

Make You Scream  Now, when I say this is a wild ride is because I truly mean it. There is nothing like this out there I assure you. Reese is a mastermind. You won’t regret reading it. [crack, smut, Monsters Inc. AU]

A Lullaby on Canvas  Pure amazing plot and writing. If smut with plot is your thing, you got urself a masterpiece right here. [smut, siren AU, neighbour AU]

Dick n’ Go  It never ceases to surprise me how well thought out their plots are + I laughed at the “five star dick” more than I should have bc I totally see Jinnie pulling that off [smut, crack]

Eight  You may be hesitant to read an octopus hybrid Jin but please, this is so well written its just *chefs kiss* [smut, Hybrid AU]

Folia  I never knew I needed an alien AU until I read this. Do yourself a favour and read it. [smut, Alien AU]

Kiss It Better  A quick but amazing read. Seokjin + crack and f2l?? SIGN ME UP [smut, crack, f2l]

Golden Boy  Love me some amazingly written smut with plot. Because what’s better than Pornstar Kim Seokjin? Neighbour pornstar Kim Seokjin.[smut, Neighbour AU, Pornstar AU]

Better With You  This three part fake dating with kinda chaebol Seokjin is juts *chefs kiss* definitely one of my faves [smut, angst, Fake Dating AU]

Min Yoongi

The Touch of Silk  You know what’s better than vampire Yoongs? Sugar Daddy Vampire Yoongs. Do you even need to know more? [smut, Sugar Daddy AU, Vampire AU]

Talk  One of the most well-written two shots out there. I simply loved it. Most probably read it when I should have been doing homework but hey, Phone Sex operator Yoongi is so worth it. [smut, Phone Sex Operator AU]

Book of The Beasts: From the Ashes  I’m a sucker for anything mythical and this is definitely no exception. It has an amazing plot and build up. 1000/10 [smut, angst, Witch AU, Mythical Shifter AU]

Owner Training  Okay hear me out, I love reading fanfics but I almost never something longer than a one shot bc otherwise I wouldn’t graduate but this. This right here ladies, gentlemen and non binary buddies, is so so worth your time. I’m a sucker for hybrid Yoongi yeah. [crack, fluff, smut, Hybrid AU]

Snake Kisses  If your thing is grumpy Yoongs, mix it a little bit with this amazingly written Hybrid fic and you’ve got: perfection! Danger noodle are my favourite words since I read this. [smut, fluff, Hybrid AU]

Glass  Pure amazing filth by this amazing author. Spare a few minutes and read this masterpiece. Thank You. [smut]

Inheritance  There are a few shots in this one and truth be told you will find yourself reading them all. This one is kinda angsty but it is so so good. Again, grumpy Yoongi hybrid is my fave. [fluff, smut, angst, Hybrid AU]

Demon! Yoongi  I distinctively remember having this one in my to-read list and saying ‘I’ll just read this one and head to bed’ on a school night bc my sleep deprived ass read “2.1 k words” but it really was “22.1k” and so… yeah. It was so amazing I ended up reading it all in one go. Education is important but this Demon Yoongi fic is more important. Don’t quote me on that. [smut, Demon AU] Catharsis  Hello my fellow kinky Yoongi enthusiasts, I bring you an amazing fic full of smut with some amazing plot behind and character development. [smut]

Android!Yoongi Excuse me while I go and weep in a corner. This is a scenario I didn’t know I needed so much. 24k yeah, but it is so so worth it. [smut, angsty, Android AU]

Mighty  I can’t recall details because I tend to read to sleep BUT GRUMPY CAT YOONGI IS A THING. [smut, fluff, Hybrid AU]

Love and Laughter  A quick read, but I’m a sucker for established relationship drabbles. [smut, fluff]

Tonight  If daechwita Yoongs did something to you, spare a few minutes to read this masterpiece. [smut, Historical AU]

Make Me  FRIENDS TO LOVERS + SLEEPOVER. THAT’S IT. [smut]

Bent Will  Heavy kinky stuff ahead. That is about enough. [smut]

Daechwita  The title is pretty self-explanatory. If you haven’t read this masterpiece, I honestly- don’t know where you’ve been. [smut, Historical AU]

Give It To Me  Hello fellow kinky Yoongi enthusiats, again. Shibari is a thing here. Enjoy. [smut]

Want a Taste? 

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it all the time, SMUT WITH PLOT. Yoongi rapper while working in a mall is something I didn’t know I needed. As always, amazing writing and plot. [smut, humour-ish, Mall Worker AU]

Mixtape 

Let me tell ya something, this fic right here has slipped from my fingers more than once, but I just loved it so so much that I’ve spent hours looking for it without remembering the title. A FAVE. Amazing writing and an even more incredible character development. A MUST READ. [smut, fluff, comedy, College AU]

Tsundere 

The pure essence of Yoongi’s life lessons mixed with a tiny bit of bad boy vibe and smut. [angst, smut, College AU]

Tricks of the Trade 

This was such a fun and sexy reading! I LOVED IT SO MUCH. Can you just imagine swapping bodies with your crush okay look no further. Here it is. [smut, humour, fluff, Soulmate AU]

The Singularity Theory 

Three parts of absolutely worthy Min Yoongi smut with plot [smut, comedy, college AU]

Nine Months From Now

SMUT. WITH. PLOT. And a hell of a plot I absolutely love CEO Yoongi [smut, fluff, CEO AU]

To Love an Empress 

Ummm hello? This piece of art is just- idk absolutely brilliant to say the least. I am in love with the writing okay and you know im a sucker for smut with plot.[smut, fluff, Historical AU]

Jung Hoseok

Airplane Pt.2  I’m not saying that I can totally picture Hobi in this scenario but maybe I am. Welcome to the mile high club, everybody. [smut, Sugar Daddy AU]

Fake Love  I’m a cliché lover okay. [smut, fluff, fake dating, enemies to lovers]

Rogue Galaxy  SMUT. WITH. PLOT. May you feel blessed with Kristi’s amazingly written masterpiece. [angst, fluff, smut, alien AU]

Kim Namjoon

Hammer it Home  I started reading this in the middle of my customs and tariffs class and somewhere along the middle I kinda forgot I started reading it BUT MY MY THIS IS *chef’s kiss* one of the most amazing smut with plot I’ve read in a while. [fluff, smut]

The Moment Pleasantly Frightful  Joonie here is a devil, you are an inexpirenced witch [smut]

What Friends are For  Joonie is kinda inexperienced but hey, making sure he gets it is what friends are for. [smut, BFF AU]

Love Bites 

YESSSS VAMPIRE JOONIE [smut, Vampire AU]

Park Jimin

Love Me, Love Me I read this in a sleepy haze for the first time but ever since, I’ve re-read it bc it is just so good! One of my hybrid faves tbh [smut, Hybrid AU]

Book of The Beasts: The Hunt I was so caught up with the story from the beginning, no words, just do yourself a favour and read it. [fluff, smut, angst, Mythical Shifter AU]

A Serpent’s Flower Part 1 and Part 2  You gotta read these if you wanna have a good laugh but still get the sexy writing in it + if you like HP AUs okay. The plot is so rich I loved it.

20 Things (and Counting) I Hades about You  Cocky Jimin makes an appearance in this one as Hades’ embodiment and lemme tell ya I’m here for it. [crack, angst, Greek Gods AU]

Beneath the Water by @jungshookz ExcuSE YOU, this is easily the best mermaid/merman AU I’ve read. It really takes you places, please read it. [fluff, crack, smut, mermaid AU]

The Airport Couple: Park Jimin’s Cock [pit] This was so so fun to read, plus, it is so well written I might cry. The plot is so original is2g. I never knew I needed Jimin as a pilot in my life, but we all do. [fluff, smut, crack, pilot!AU]

Everywhere  One of my werewolf AU faves in this site, this so smutty I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT [smut, Werewolf AU]

Sleeping on the Couch  Hello there cute smutty drabbles. It is so entertaining, just read ahead. [smut, fluff]

Shewolf by @dovechim​

You should know by now this is the author of some AMAZINGLY WRITTEN SMUT so just go ahead please [smut, werewolf AU]

Love Like This  If your thing is soft boyfriend Jiminie, look no further, this will make you feel things for sure. [smut, fluff]

User: Mochibuns95  There is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for camboy Jimin, now make it a “we kinda know each other but not really” and you got this brilliant plot! Kudos to the author, you are an absolute genius! [smut, Camboy AU]

Lovebug  Gimme some more of this angsty smutty hybrid Jimin slowly learning to love himself YESSS [angst, fluff, smut, Hybrid AU]

Dress Code  If you haven’t thought about CEO Jimin in a nsfw type of way. Stop lying to yourself. Read this. [smut, CEO AU]

So it Goes

A 3 part masterpiece. Once again I kinda cried reading it. It must have been hormonal. Or perhaps the amazing way it is written. [fluff, smut, Alien AU]

Power Play

Okay so I went on a reading spree for Addie but can you even blame me? SHE IS AN AMAZING WRITER PERIODT. FEED ME THAT FILTH WITH AMAZING PLOT. Definitely one of my faves. I can promise you your heart will skip a beat with this one.  [smut, fluff, Pornstar AU]

Watch Me, Watch You 

Listen up, I can’t be the only one that has found a TA attractive as fuck. Now bring Jimin into it? YES PLEASE [smut, college AU]

Kim Taehyung

1-800-music-street

Ahem. Excuse you. This hit hard it is amazing, astounding, I loved every word of it. I’m a sucker for smut with plot and this right here, delivered. Homeless but passionate for music Tae is here to save the day. [fluff, smut]

All That Is Gold  I’ll said it once, I’ll say it until I die, AMAZING PLOTS THAT NEVER FAIL TO DELIVER. Tae is a sugarbaby here. [smut, angst, roommate AU]

Plunge  Hybrid shy Tae is a thing here [smut, angst, Hybrid AU]

Fun & Games  Soft smutty lover Tae is a dream come true in this one [fluff, smut]

By Chance Tae saves your life and things get… heated. An amazing plot, lovely characters as always. [angst, smut, fluff, Mythical AU, Shifter AU]

By Chance Tae saves your life and things get… heated. An amazing plot, lovely characters as always. [angst, smut, fluff, Mythical AU, Shifter AU]

Sehebon Then again, a bless to read Alien AU, Tae here is just a dreamy one. So so lovely writing, smut with plot, you know it. [angst, fluff, smut, Alien AU]

The Talk  I absolutely loved this, pornstar Tae stepping out of his comfort zone is something so so needed in your life [smut, Pornstar AU]

Good Girl  Accidentally sending your coworker nudes can be something less than a nightmare. [smut, Office AU]

Planning Ahead  Sweet baby Jesus. I loved it. [smut, breeding kink]

The Morning After 

I’m sorry I love ex to lovers smut but y’all shouldn’t stay in toxic relationships okay [smut, e2l]

Jeon Jungkook

The Underwear Thief  I found this so so funny to read and I just noticed that it is 10k but it doesn’t feel like it. Plus, Kookie and a cat as a concept is so cute to me. [smut, neighbour AU]

Bandslam  I haven’t read a fic with this much well written plot ever since my 1D phase so I am forever in debt to Laura for delivering such an amazing fic. Enemies to lovers is a cliche, I know but mix it with drummer boy JK and you got this amazing piece of art. [angst, a bit of fluff in there, smut, E2L, Drummer AU]

Caught Me  I read this quite a while back but I can still recall bits and pieces of it. Seokjin is a sneaky bastard in this one + JK is that roommate that is kinda hard to live with.[smut, Roommates AU]

Crybaby  I’m just going to say: this goes hard. Do yourself a favor and read it. [smut]

Dynasty  I was on a historical streak when I read this. It is angsty but trust me, you’ll absolutely love it. [angst, smut, Historical AU]

Black Card  A wonderfully written two shot that gathers a few faves: CEO Jungkookie and a spoiling kink. Honestly, where can I get myself a man like this. [smut, CEO AU]

Periapt  A two shot (? where JK is an incubus. That should be enough of a description. Amazing writting as always by Rha.

Robot!Jungkook  Okay so one of my many not so guilty pleasures is reading android AUs and lemme tell ya, this 5 shot scenario is just *chefs kiss* [angst, fluff, smut, Android AU]

Dumbo  Wanna have a great laugh while still getting the smut content you deserve? This is your fic. Please just read it. It is amazing and will most likely make your day better. [crack, smut]

2! 3!  Fluffy vanilla smut. Sometimes we deserve it. [fluff, smut]

New Beginnings One of the sexiest Werewolf AUs I’ve read if not the sexiest. You know I love my smut with plot on the side and this fic right here: absolutely amazing. [smut, angst, Werewolf AU]

Felicity  NOW THIS FIC TOOK ME PLACES I DIDN’T KNOW I NEEDED TO BE. There are amazing hybrid fics out there but this is on a whole new level. Like seriously, novel-worthy plot. Also, this is off hiatus now apparently and I will most definitely be waiting for it. [angst, smut, hybrid AU]

Out of the Blue  Four-piece that is worth every second you read it. It takes you places, trust me. Plus, you get Namjin on the side. [smut, fluff, Hybrid AU]

Anemia  Hello, a quick read but smutty and quite the ride. Just read it. [smut, True Blood AU]

Fluff and Smut 

Yesssss love me some pinning pornstar au I LIVE FOR IT [smut, Pornstar AU]

[yikeswtfmate]

(6) New Messages from Dumbass No. 1

previous part // (1) New Message Masterlist // next part

Summary: Bucky just won’t answer and Y/N starts to freak out.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Social Media AU will i ever admit defeat)

Warnings: swearing

A/N: I am back with more stupid dumbassery! Also I’m not saying I’m talking from experience, but I am talking from experience when I say I know exactly what Reader is going through. Having a gamer boyfriend is tough, especially when it comes to The Witcher or Diablo. My advice is just to act as if he’s a plant that needs to be watered constantly with food, but he won’t move unless it’s absolutely necessary

My Love (21:17) So steve's been bugging me to go running with him right

My Love (21: 17) I told him there's no way he can keep up with me

My Love (21:18) And Sam just started laughing super bitterly

My Love (21:18) Idk what that was about

My Love (21:18) But i agreed to meet him tmrw

My Love (21:18) And then sam started laughing like a seal

My Love (21:19) And told me he'll kiss you if i manage to beat steve

My Love (21:20) So now i gotta win no matter what bc i N E E D to see that

My Love (21:20) So you've been warned

My Love (21:21) Nat is coming tmrw as a judge

My Love (21:22) And we convinced Peggy to kiss Steve if he wins

My Love (21:22) And now i feel like he will most definitely win just bc the dum-dum still hasn't kissed her yet

My Love (21:23) Which she would totally be up for

My Love (21:23) So yeah, it was a fun night

My Love (21:23) Bummed you weren't feeling so great & couldn't come :(

My Love (21:24) I've been texting you for the last 10 mins

My Love (21:29) Are you going to reply today???

My Love (21:35) Do i need to send you nudes so you'll reply?

My Love (21:42) Ok i'm getting worried

My Love (21:46) BUCKY WHAT THE FUCK PICK UP YOUR PHONE

My Love (21:53) Ok that's it i'm coming over

*

Bucky's Y/N (21:47) Stevie, do you know where the fuck is Bucky? He's not picking up his phone

Stevie (21:49) He's not answering when I call him either. Do you want me to go over and see what's up with him? Maybe he's at the gym & his phone died, it's been known to happen

Bucky's Y/N (21:50) No, he said he wasn't feeling well & he'd stay in bed all night

Stevie (21:51) Wait a second

*

3 Clowns 1 Grump - group chat

Dumbass No. 3 (21:52) Y/N can't get ahold of Bucky

Dumbass No. 2 (21:53) MY CHRISTMAS WISH CAME TRUE

Dumbass No. 2 (21:54) BARNES IS FINALLY DEAD

Dumbass No. 3 (21:54) What did he say exactly when you last talked to him?

Dumbass No. 1 (21:54) Uh...

Dumbass No. 1 (21:55) Cuppycake (16:43) Sorry baby i'm not feeling too well i'll just stay in all night and maybe order some food don't worry abt me i might even fall asleep early so don't worry ok ok love you i’ll see you when i see you have fun

Dumbass No. 3 (21:55) Now that makes sense

Dumbass No. 2 (21:56) Yeah you won't be seeing him for a few days

Dumbass No. 1 (21:56) WHAT

Dumbass No. 1 (21:56) WHAT THE FUCK WHY

Dumbass No. 3 (21:57) He's playing the game Sam got him for christmas

Dumbass No. 1 (21:59) ...explain?

Dumbass No. 3 (22:00) Whenever Bucky gets a new game and he's really into it he just locks himself up in the house for a few days until he finishes it

Dumbass No. 1 (22:00) I'm sorry W H Y would you do that sam????

Dumbass No. 2 (22:01) Told you i wanted him dead for christmas

Dumbass No. 2 (22:01) Was hoping literally, but this works just as fine

Dumbass No. 1 (22:02) So you're saying im not gonna see him for a few days? He won't even pick up his phone?

Dumbass No. 3 (22:02) Just wait for him to go to the toilet

Dumbass No. 3 (22:02) Although sometimes he uses that time to eat just so he gets them both done at the same time

Dumbass No. 1 (22:03) I'm sorry what

Dumbass No. 2 (22:03) This is the best christmas present i ever got

*

2 days later:

3 Clowns 1 Grump - group chat

Bozo the Dickhead (16:36) That was ONE TIME Steve!

Bozo the Dickhead (16:36) I DON'T eat on the toilet

Bozo the Dickhead (16:36) Fuck you Sam

Dumbass No. 2 (16:41) Aw there goes my peace and quiet

Dumbass No. 3 (16:41) I'm not even going to ask if you ate or how dehydrated you are rn

Dumbass No. 3 (16:41) Did you talk to Y/N at least?

Bozo the Dickhead (16:43) Yeah she's here

Bozo the Dickhead (16:43) Came here after you two idiots freaked her out

Dumbass No. 2 (16:44) I’ve been sending her memes all day yesterday

Dumbass No. 2 (16:44) Why the hell hasn't she been replying?

Bozo the Dickhead (16:44) Wait a second

Bozo the Dickhead (16:46) (VOICE MESSAGE) I'M IN A FUCKING RIFT DON'T TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW BUCKY WHAT THE FUCK I NEED TO BEAT THIS BOSS FUCK OFF

Dumbass No. 3 (16:47) Oh god we've lost her too

Dumbass No. 2 (16:47) I take back my words

Dumbass No. 2 (16:48) THIS is the best christmas present

Bozo the Dickhead (16:49) (VOICE MESSAGE) FUCK YOU SAM

Bozo the Dickhead (16:49) God i love her so much

Dumbass No. 3 (16:50) I can’t wait until i become an uncle or an aunt ❤️

Bozo the Dickhead (16:50) 

Dumbass No. 2 (16:50) 

Bozo the Dickhead (16:51) wtf where do you have that photo from

Dumbass No. 2 (16:52) Y/N

Dumbass No. 2 (16:53) We’re communicating through pics of u exclusively

Bozo the Dickhead (16:53) What

Dumbass No. 3 (16:54)

Dumbass No. 3 (16:54) I thought we weren’t supposed to tell him

Bozo the Dickhead (16:55) WHAT THE FUCK

Dumbass No. 3 (16:55) 

Dumbass No. 3 (16:55) Y/N is gonna kill us

Dumbass No. 2 (16:56) 

Dumbass No. 2 (16:56) Bring it on

Bozo the Dickhead (16:57) HOW DID U GET THESE PHOTOS WHERSS DI D THEY COME FROEKM

Dumbass No. 1 (16:58) Why does Bucky have steam coming out of his ears

Dumbass No. 1 (16:59) Oh shit

Dumbass No. 1 (17:00)

***

Taglist:

@miss-nerd95​ | @myboyfriendgiriboy​ | @imma-new-soul

[cjwallflower]

Marvel Gender Headcanons

because i doubt some of these people are cis

Peter: 

i claim this man for the trans community

he realised he was trans at around present time (15-16 years old)

he knows his family and friends will accept him

he’s still N E R V O U S

but he still wants to be true to his identity

so he wears the trans flag colours!!

Ned obvs catches on, but doesn’t say anything

Tony’s the first one Peter comes out to, bc i’m soft and irondad owns my heart

Tony gets him a spider suit with a binder built in

Peter is absolutely the kind of trans guy who forgets to take off his binder (i’m not projecting what do you mean)

he comes out to his aunt May next, and she breaks out the scissors

the other eventually figure it out, and they accept him immediately

Peter: Hey Clint?

Clint: Yo

Peter: I’m trans

Clint: *takes a gulp of his soda* wig

Peter: ???

they love him though let’s be real

Natasha Punches A Transphobe

someone calls Peter a tr*nny 

Natasha sends them on a one way trip to space :)

Peter absolutely decides to go on T

and he is a handsome!! boy!!

he eventually tells Ned and MJ, and they accept him too

Ned buys him a trans flag

NED BUYS HIM A TRANS FLAG

by the time they’re graduating high school, Peter passes as cis very well

Tony:

i’m claiming Tony as trans too

i promise there’s other gender identities here jdsfhkhsdfkjh

Tony came out in the 80s of all times

we know Howard

it didn’t go over well

Maria didn’t say much about it, but Howard was actively against it

Tony didn’t care at all

he literally snuck out and got a fake ID so he could start on T

Tony was almost 18 at that point, but he still used Howard’s money

just to piss him off

well Howard ended up dying like 3 years later

Maria survived because fuck you

but Tony never ended up getting any surgeries because he ended up getting busy with the company

he just didn’t have time, with all the recovery that goes into it

he’s still on T though!!

mans has tiddies and a beard, the boomers get confused

he tends to keep it more private though

Pepper knows, how could she not?

Pepper is the sole reason Tony survived to adulthood lbr

Peter found out accidentally

Tony got oil on a shirt while fixing one of his machines, and Peter walked in while he had it off

he saw the binder and boyyy was that a surprise

but it totally explained how Tony already knew so much about supporting Peter in his transition

the problem with being an ADHD workaholic?? 

hyperfocusing

when Tony hyperfocuses, he forgets to take off his binder

Jarvis: Sir, you need to take off your binder

Tony: Gimme like five more minutes, I need to finish this

Jarvis: Sir, it’s been 38 hours??

Tony: *already moving onto the next task* What’s your point?

his ribs are so fucked

Pepper and Peter remind him too

my boy is a mess

Thor:

this is solely because my nb loml claimed thor as nb and it’s super fucking valid

i love you babe 🥺

so Thor learned about different genders from Loki

and also from Peter tbh

but Thor LOVED the idea of being in between

it just made him really happy!!

he started using those labels a lot, even though he didn’t know much about what they meant

being on Earth more, he started to learn more about them

mostly because they replaced cops at pride (Peter’s idea)

so Thor decided to learn more

he knew he liked boys, that wasn’t uncommon on Asgard

gender expression was very open, but that blurred the lines a lot for him

when he got to non-binary, it clicked

“oh that sounds like me”

“THATS ME”

he was excited he’d figured it out

his immediate instinct?

he went to tell Loki

the only problem was Loki was asleep

“LOKI LOKI LOKI-”

“what do you wANT-”

“I’M NON-LIBRARY!!”

“WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN-”

it took like ten minutes for Loki to figure out what he meant

Loki was tired give him a break

he just kinda pushed Thor’s face away and went back to sleep

they talked about it again in the morning

after Loki got some coffee he was more receptive

“I accept you, just please stop waking me up at 2 am”

Thor’s just trying his best

he doesn’t know how to be non-binary though

(there is no right way to be enby though)

so Loki tried a few example sentences using they/them pronouns

Thor LOVED it

so now Thor wanted to use they/them pronouns

Loki isn’t a brain cell by any means

but he sure feels like one sometimes

and he’s tired of it

ANYWAYS

Thor announced it to everyone they saw

some people heard it multiple times

“GUYS I’M NON-BINARY!! :D”

they were happy for their thude

and Thor wore an enby flag to their first pride!!

now the protector of the lesbians says non-library rights

Loki:

Loki basically always knew he was genderfluid

it just seemed really obvious to him?

he realised he wasn’t cis when he was 7

he transformed into a girl for fun 

and she was like “oh i like this-”

so she experimented with that

and she fucking loved all of them

so she turned back into a boy and went to Frigga

that’s how he found out about the word genderfluid

so he basically just grew up shapeshifting as much as he wanted

when they eventually went to earth, Loki couldn’t shapeshift as much

after he was redeemed, he still needed to be recognisable so they wouldn’t think he was to pull a fast one on them

he was uncomfy 

Loki stays in his room a lot

he just really doesn’t wanna deal with it

he still shapeshifts in private!

Thor ends up being the one to catch on

but he kinda knows that Loki won’t talk to him

so he sends in the spider child!

Loki and Peter have a pretty close bond

so on one of the nights they hang out, it’s a she/her day

and Loki just kinda snapped and went on a bit of a rant

and she ended up coming out to Peter

Loki totally didn’t end up crying what do you mean

she just needs a hug

obvs Peter was accepting

he gave her that hug don’t worry

this was all on a rooftop eating bad street food jhshkfhjfkhkd

he did ask if he could tell the others, and Loki reluctantly agreed

yeah, the others felt kinda bad

so they ended up compromising!!

Loki could shapeshift, but not into other people 

and she could wear whatever she wanted

they also gave her bracelets so she could express her pronouns

its a long road

and it takes a long time to build trust

but Loki really does appreciate Thor and Peter’s efforts

Bucky:

trans enby rights. send tweet

let’s jump back to 1930s

Bucky was transitioning before the war

he had the surgeries and was on T

Steve was the only one who really knew 

it was right when HRT was starting to become a thing

he was one of the first people to try it

and it worked pretty well!

Bucky passed easily after ~2 years on T

but then he died

RIP Bucky :(

when he comes back as a Hydra agent, they use T supplements to make his body stronger

“Jokes on you, I like that shit”

yeah no the others end up rescuing him from there

but Bucky still takes T

everyone is a bit worried about it

they think he’s still under Hydra’s control

Steve has to explain it (with Bucky’s permission)

but Bucky really starts feeling a disconnect with being a male

it’s mostly due to the trauma from Hydra

he knows he’s not a girl anymore

but he hates the idea of being a boy now

so he has no idea what he is

he ends up drawing the parallel between himself and Thor

but Bucky still sees some masculinity in Thor, which confuses him a LOT

Bucky’s always confused lbr

so he ends up finding the term Agender

and he understands it!! and likes it!!

he’s too nervous to tell the others, so he writes sentences using they/them pronouns

“Their name is Bucky Barnes”

“Bucky is tired, they need a nap”

“Bucky’s best friend is Steve. They’ve known Steve since the beginning”

Bucky is WAY happier with they/them pronouns

the problem is they don’t know how to communicate that

even to Steve, they’re just nervous

Steve ends up finding the paper, which now has over 100 sentences

so the next time they’re alone, Steve brings it up, and after a little bit of avoiding answering, Bucky tells him about it

Steve is super accepting 🥺

“Do you want me to tell the others for you?”

“Yes please, I have no idea what I’m doing-”

“I don’t think any of us do”

so Steve lets the others know, and they start using they/them pronouns

Bucky’s IMMEDIATELY so much happier

i just think they’re neat-

MJ:

MJ isn’t cis, fuck you

MJ is a demigirl

and no one even figured it out for the longest time

she kinda groups herself on the more non-binary side

Peter finds out because someone calls her by they/them pronouns

“MJ?? Are you?? Non-binary??”

“Nope”

“Are you still a girl??” 

“Nope”

after like 20 mins Peter figures it out

and boy is he confused

“Why didn’t you just say it?”

“I couldn’t. Gotta keep ‘em on their toes”

“Who??”

“:)”

the M in MJ stands for mystery

anyways!!

she switches from lesbian to the term Trixic (NBLW)

MJ goes to pride with Peter and Ned that year

MJ gets a girlfriend there!!

she comes out to her girlfriend upfront. she doesn’t feel like waiting

yeah she gets intense

she gets it from her moms

who can blame her

MJ sometimes wears a binder

she wore one on the first day of school, because Peter was nervous about being out (he’d come out over the summer)

MJ will punch transphobes and homophobes

even just for fun tbh

but she won’t do it immediately

she heard someone make a comment about Ned and his boyfriend and waited a few days

and then came out of nowhere

B O N K

the douchebag kinda knew why though 

in conclusion, MJ is elite

[crazycookiemaniac]

Omg why are you losing so many followers youve been drawing gay shit for forever??? (Or maybe i as a gay was just interpreting it that way)

Because I literally spammed people every day for one week lmao. And also, a lot of people follow others for specific content. The moment I stop drawing that exact thing they followed me for, they unfollow me. There are also accounts that follow just to make you follow them & if you don’t, they unfollow you after a while. There’s people who followed me for haikyuu & weren’t interested in BC content, and there were people who followed me for BC content but got showered in gay art instead and that was not their cuppa tea. 

But mostly, i start appearing on people’s feed the more I post. So having me post incessantly for one week made me show up on feeds that I hadn’t shown up for  a good while, so there were probably people who forgot they had followed me in the first place & me posting was a reminder to unfollow.

Truthfully, follower counts are dumb. Yes, it is important for you to have a high follower count for you to get attention, but the amount of people actually following you if you don’t have a consistent art style & rarely ever post something with different vibes than your usual ones, is equal or less than 1% of your total amount of following.

My instagram tells me I have 43k. I do not have 43k people following me. I’ve had 43k that once saw my account & pressed the follow button, but their feeds are filled up with other people’s accs that interest them more than mine (as well as my own feed does not show all the content of the 200+ something people I follow, unless I scroll down till the depths of hell to find every single post on that day and then do so on the next day as well).

Essentially, 95% of your followers are there because of content. They want to see what entertains them. Most of them don’t care about the artist and don’t interact with them at all. Many of them are scared to, given the high follower count. Social media & big accounts make people forget that there are other, real, living & breathing people that are behind them all.

So, to many, I was just a random artist they found and “lol”ed at one of my comics & pressed follow without thinking about it. Most of them don’t go to my account and see all other art I’ve posted to see if they actually like what I do, or me as a person and as an artist at all.

People who don’t know this get really discouraged when they don’t earn a lot of followers, or when they lose a lot (like I did). And some people think you gotta have hundreds of thousands to be famous. I’ve seen accs going around that paid for ads, that had over 150k followers and less than 1k likes on their posts.

Truly famous, loved, growing and/or steady accounts have an amount of likes per post proportional to their follower count. For example, if someone has 150k followers, most of their posts will vary from 20k to 100k likes.

When I was growing my account because I hopped in the fandom bandwagon and stupid little me didn’t know that would only make me crash later, I had like 20~30k and some of my posts reached more than 20k likes (because people liked my stupid comics). Nowadays, I’m not part of the fandom that made me grow anymore. I’m part of a very underrated one (Black Clover), as well a I am drawing a very underrated ship (LuGna) that above all else is getting hated on. I have everything against me in this, so it’s no wonder I lost so many followers.

They didn’t wanna see gay art. They didn’t wanna see Black Clover. They didn’t even know what the fuck was going on. Not everyone paid attention or kept up with my warnings. Despite me explaining multiple times in multiple posts what the Thunder Flames project was about, a lot of people still didn’t know what I was doing that for.

The thing about being a big follower count is that, unless you’re actually loved for what you do (and to do that, once again, I need to emphasize that you need to keep a steady rhythm, a steady vibe, a steady you. Because people follow you for your first impression on them, and you gotta keep up to that first impression if you wanna keep your followers.

I’m unsteady. One look at my gallery and you’ll see how disorganized everything is. Oh, lookit, a 1 min speedpaint of a random drawing I did on an old piece of paper! And right on the left there’s a stupid random comic I did–on the right there’s this super detailed, shaded drawing I’ve done that actually looks terrible to me and I will 100% archive it later, and then there’s B&W mixed with gray shaded, flat colored and fully shaded characters of different fandoms + OCs from commissions and whatever else. 

The thing is, I made my follower count based on a fandom, and now that I’m not there most of that follower count does not have me on their feed. And most of them do not want me on their feed. Now, I’m trying to build a follower count for who I am as an artist, because the few people who have actually stayed and followed me throughout the years know how inconsistent I am in terms of art style, fandoms and everything else.

A solution to this would me either keep creating/posting the same thing all over again (just in different patterns), or creating original content (which I do plan on doing at some point). But for now? Since my follower count does absolutely not reflect on how many people actually like me and/or my art, I’m going to be as chaotic as fucking ever and do whatever the fuck I want.

So yes, I do find it comical that I lost 1k followers over this and am not fazed in the very least, especially because I literally foreshadowed losing 1k and hit the fucking jackpot.

The only reason I’m talking about this at all is because 1- it’s impossible not to notice my follower count decreasing, especially because every new 1k I thank people publicly through stories; 2- some people were actually worried I was upset over it and I have to 3- show that I am not, while simultaneously trying to show people that just because you’re losing followers doesn’t mean you have to stop doing what you want to create content to please people. It doesn’t mean you should be upset, and it doesn’t mean that what you’re doing is bad or wrong.

It means you’re fucking renewing your followers & you’ll now grow for what you’re trying to grow for, bitch. That’s what it’s all about.

Obviously, people do take a great risk doing this. I am taking a great risk doing this. I could’ve lost 5k, I could’ve lost 10k. But I only lost 1k! And that’s because I believe in the project I worked on; I knew there were people out there who enjoyed what I was doing and it’s on them that I was focused on. On the people who supported me AND my art, not just that one single funny comic post I did 3 years ago.

This answer is 100% a lot longer than what you could’ve possibly expected for and I am typing this while being awake for more than 24h so I’m sure that I’ve repeated myself a lot and that there are a lotta typos or w/e and I apologize for that!! But I’m too lazy to go back to read everything over & turn this into a neat post & I’m pretty sure I could answer your question in the first paragraph.

Oh and also. Yes. Yes I have been drawing gay shit ever since I’ve become an artist because I’m so fucking pissed at the lack of canon gay content in a way that it’s depicted as a normal fucking romantic couple instead of having eeeeeeeeveryone point their finger to the gay couple and scream “HEY THAT’S GAY!!! THIS CAN’T BE PART OF THIS VERY HETEROSEXUAL SHOW WHERE EVERYONE IS OBVIOUSLY HETEROSEXUAL EVEN THOUGH NONE OF THE CHARACTERS HAVE EVER SAID THAT EXPLICITLY BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT THE CREATORS ARE EITHER HETEROSEXUAL OR TOO AFRAID TO LOSE AUDIENCE IF THEY TREAT GAY PEOPLE AS NORMAL PEOPLE!??!! WHAT SORT OF ABSURD NONSENSE IS THAT??!! GAY PEOPLE AREN’T NORMAL!! THEY’RE GAY AND THEY SHOULD HAVE A GAY SHOW JUST FOR THEM IF THEY WANNA GET SCREENTIME” and yadda yadda yadda.

I’m tired of this bullshit. Ever since I was an artist I’ve been rooting for gay ships in shonen manga while knowing they would never happen just because they were gay, and now that we are in our Blessed-By-Satan, Pandemic-Chaotic, What-The-Fuck-Is-Going-On, We-Don’t-Know-If-We-Wanna-Go-Back-Or-To-The-Future-Or-Just-IDK-Fucking-Die year 2020, in which the LGBT community is thriving and being louder than ever to fight for our rights, Me, in my twenty four years of fucking age, having gone through several fucking disappointments ONLY regarding this matter, am sitting here on my ass, hopeful as all galactic, glittery shit that for some fucking reason, my new OTP formed by very underrated characters from this very underrated franchise in the southern and western communities, becomes canon because my stupid eyes can see chemistry between them even though those stupid haters’ can’t. But that’s because they’re stupid and homophobic, and they really should just shut the fuck up. I don’t wanna dream, I want to believe. Let a bitch pray in peace.

But even if I’m getting ready for disappointment, I’m gonna make this project happen and I’m gonna have a shit ton of artbooks from this Thunder Flames project inside my fucking garage if no one wants to buy them. But I am going to invest a shit ton of money in it and I am going to have these artbooks come to life. Because I am spiteful and petty and homophobes should shut the fuck up, and I wanna do what I wanna do bc as an independent artist, I’m building my future with my own two, very toned and buff by now from all the drawing I did, hands. 

God fucking damn it.

Jesus christ I’m just rambling at this point, I’m so sorry. If anyone ever reads this out of context people are going to be so confused.

But that’s fine. They won’t. You know why? Cuz I got almost 11k followers here on tumblr but less than 0.5% gives a shit that I’m here, so I’m safe.

Have a nice day, drink your water and fuck homophobes. Peace

[oh-shit-a-baby]

Black Friday thoughts

(All the spoilers beware!!!)

with lala n ari (hi I’m @drawinglinesinarbitraryplaces if yall dont know me)

These were our thoughts the first time watching my digital ticket through. It will be long. There will be spoilers.

ITS JOEY

ITS KURT MEGA

I can’t remember how to spell her name but she looks like an excited child and i just Acting (it’s Jaime yall dw)

i was on board until fifty quid was an only

Robert forgot the choreo and lala just went OH MY GOD WHAT A DARLING so

DAN AND DONNA?????

E M M A A N D P A U L

I wanted a salad, but, now I have a child

Emma my darling I’m so sorry about ur sister

DUMBLEDORE????!?!?

BY GRACE DO U MEAN GRACE CHASTITY?!?!?!?!?!?

LADIDADAH DAY OH MY GOD

Paul ur such a mess ily

Emma shows up had an hour late with Starbucks

i dont really like getting hit by cars any more

i dont get flashbacks i remember bad things vividly

Both of the above are moods but who hurt them

PLAID

@drawinglinesinarbitraryplaces saw plaid and immediately said ‘is he a lesbian? Wait no’

What do you mean I have to look after a child

ITS THE OKAYS

Tim’s a mood

and even if I did, HOW WOULD IT FIT INTO THE SEDAN?!

Paul’s buddy bill

Well I will be GODDAMMED if he doesn’t have a merry FUCKING Christmas!!!!

We stopped for like ten minutes to watch @dialovesyellow being an idiot but we love her so it’s fabulous

At the same time though were not going to be able to do this in one sitting bc we spent like 30mins chatting to dia and heeter

Dumbldore grew a beard?? No??

No comment

He’s a chaotic mess but we love him

(Heather started playing the mii song on the piano while he was singing which was fUn)

FLASH! BANG! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!!??

But dumbledores voice is still stunning

How does he hit high notes whilst still not opening his mouth like at all

Jeez Corey that’s dark

Corey everything ur character says to lex is m e a n

MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEEEEY!! JUST FOR MEEE!!!!!!

why does anyone want this

no it isn’t cute

get away from it stop it

Lala: ROBEEEEEEEERRRRT

I want his jacket

WEAR ANOTHER GLOVE ETHAN

Fuck Ethan lost lexs sister

@drawinglinesinarbitraryplaces : Everyone’s wearing plaid they must be lesbians

Now we gotta talk to the imaginary spider from outer space

Not crazy but creative

A certified mess

Don’t u fuckin laugh

SEVEN FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS

CALIFUCKINGFORNIA

MY MOMS A BITCH

The new lil girl can’t dance but we love her

Califomia sounds like speed run from tto conspiracy theory

Nuff said

That’s not how cameras work babe

Legend

Jesus Robert and the girl who plays lex can s i n g

LINDA

Linda bribing people is a mood

Becky Barnes. Nuff said.

Linda’s buying four what the fuck

IN SO MANY WORDS YESS!

I HOPE YOU DONT GET A WIGGLY! I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE!!

Well my children were accidents!

Becky is stunning but Linda’s also a bitch

Becky we love you

Becky my darling I’m so sorry

YEAH GERALD

Becky wants to fuck dumbledore

Jesus they’re both a mess

THE HOMELESS DUDE???!!??

OMG IT IS THE HOMELESS DUDE!!!!!!

They all just,,, got out of the line to dance around Becky and dumbledore

Oh my god it’s a train wreck!

(My favourite)

What do you say?!?!?!

Oh my god they’re a mess

Opening the doors!!!

DID YOU KNOW IF YOU SPEND MONEY, YOUR KIDS WILL LOVE YOU MAYBE??

Gotta love some capitalism

The cast is huge what is this witchcraft

COREY FINALLY GOT HIS OWN SONG ITS BEEN SO LONG

but his dancing there ?? stop it

GIVE US YOUR FUCKING MONEY! GIVE US YOUR FUCKING CASH!

Jaime up in here buying all of the fucking dolls

Linda u melodramatic bicth

ARE YOU HEARING THIS GARY!?!?!?

Linda’s like,,, ‘well shit guess I can’t buy four’

Gary really????

Shut the fuck up!

Fuck you! (Dramatically)

Kurt fucking up and stole a wiggly that’s a yike

Jesus this song is a bop

They spent approximately all of their budget on wiggly dolls and none on choreo

THATS where that comes from ooohhhhh

Joey only ever plays a douche with voice cracks especially in this show

Santa Claus is going to high school

Yikes what did he do to get banned from the mall

hes being a good father figure though

I get the feel he’s being slightly manipulative tho idk if that’s intentional

This is so sad lex play despacito

Yikes who’s beating Ethan up

GET IN THE KIDDIE TUNNEL

BECKY NO

TOM YES

Holy shit is Ethan dead

Jesus I’m going to cry Ethan no

NO!!!!! YOU CANT DO THAT!!!!!!!!

(Said in a Jeff voice) GET ME THAT FUCKIN DOLL IM JN A HURRY

I have pepper spray and I can use it more than you can ever imagine

(Said in a joey voice) I don’t know if u wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna fuck with meeee

And YOU are the most special person in it. I KNOW THAT!

Joey either plays characters with all the voice cracks or dramatic low voices

Did joeys Randi character kill Linda

YES I FUCKING SEE HIM

The Black Friday from hell

Shopper mania and a fuck ton of it

Yeah bob,,, are you serious

Jamie’s in love with the wiggly immediately

Kurts character gets it

Jaime can do background acting much good

President kurt is a yike

ITS GENERAL MACNAMARA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

FUCK YEAH WE CALL IT PEIP

Just me and a few of my peeps

ok so this is a Thing

As in crisis and mcnamara

The crowd went fucking wild when macnamara showed up and so did I

Jeffs falsetto song is a whole bop

BOP

And these eldritch forces are rising

Jeff just yeets the wiggly ookay

President kurt is having a meltdown

Is this spies are forever

INTERMISSION

bop

jeff doesnt look like a child

What does this have to do with anything

I mean the high school song is a bop but

Christopher cringle

Mr humbugger

Jingle! Jangle!

If anyone sees two elves in my locker I’ll get expelled for sure!

What the fuck

height difference in elves

Also what the fuck

Is Robert Santa now

OMG I’m calling it this is the film they were talking about

good choreo !!

Robert Lauren and the new guy who I thought was Corey for like the first 20 mins are all good dancers

This song is still a bop

What the fuck am I watching (Tom not me)

Omg I was right

Santa turns into a teenager so he can reconnect with the youth?????

okay What is this and can i punch it

their expressions whilst watching the shitty film is a mood

Beckys the only sane character

Becky and Tom are such white names

Plot twist Tom killed his wife

(lala that’s mean I’ll fight you)

WHITE NAMES AND QUARTERBACK AND CHEER CAPTAIN IM

why can i see tears in her eyes from this far away this is so sad alexa play haus of holbein

Holy fuck did she kill Stanley

Well yikes

You say you killed your family, I hope I killed mine

Well that’s that we got exactly halfway through imma post this now

[aldiwali]

8. your favourite graphic and or gif created by yourself

aaa probably this one?? it’s one of the first ones i did but .. the base panel was so good & it just. i think it turned out nice!! also this one was really cute.. i haven’t done gifs past then because i don’t wanna deal with downloading eps & shit like that (i don’t have the patience.. adhd mood) & i feel guilty using others’ gifs as bases even when they say it’s ok but! i think it’s. she’s babey

10. what graphics / gif trends do you dislike most?

i don’t… i don’t really dislike any? um i’m not really “in the graphic community” in that i’ve never like. studied it & i’ve only recently made them & made friends like u who make them too (& ofc bc of that i pay more attention to fully appreciate everyone’s works but!!! aa)

um if there’s a trend... whitewashing SDKFFJ like it’s not so much a Trend as a byproduct of heavy psds? yeah. also i really like soft colors & lining so when it’s just. Harsh (this is mostly from my experience in the rpc) it’s ... yeah.

oh and flashing things?? especially on people’s themes / whatever where there’s not a warning?? i rly don’t have patience for that ;; and those edits where it’s like. it’s clear it’s not meant to be readable / consumed well & it just looks like a blur & u can’t tell what’s going on????

OH AND THE LIP THING. MY PET PEEVE. this hasn’t appeared in the op fandom (yet.. thank goodness) but in the bnha fandom adding a giant lip to characters they hc as black or even to be of color ..... like.. it looks ugly?? first of all bc it’s not done how it would Actually look & kinda just arbitrarily placed like “oh they have big lips look im inclusive :)” & it’s clear they’re just using stereotypes & not putting thought into it? (ex: giving east asians big lips too even though east asians tend to have thin lips????) and it’s just. Not Handled well. and the noses too they’re so often made to be. caricatures really. like when doing indian characters they’ll make it like a giant triangle or something and it’s .... it’s like they tried so hard to be inclusive that they looped around and just made it racist.

11. what graphics / gif trends do you like most?

coloring things sdkfdkfjdskfj it’s so pretty.... i esp love seeing people’s colors for characters that haven’t been given official colors yet, esp when i like them better than the original!! um & just.. everything saint does w their graphics are. SO good i’ve talked abt this before for like an hour in my gc but.. Holy shit

21. how much time do you spend on a single graphic / gif?

i don’t usually do gifs??? like i’ve done it one (1) time. um but with graphics.... it really depends. how complicated is it? is there background? how many charas? do i already have headcanons for what the chara looks like or am i figuring it out as i go along? mmm i’ve been trying to spend more time on my graphics recently so i can try to be more proud of them but? for a single character no background panel... 20 min? it really depends tho because most of mine i make during lectures in class,, meaning that i’m not 100% engaged with it or anything,, it’s more like i’m doodling but instead i’m. editing graphics.

32. the least notes a graphic / gif of yours has ever gotten that you feel deserves way more. (link it!)

agjdskfjdsf i don’t really like my graphics very much? i think i’ve said this before. like to find things for this ask (part of why it took so long) i went through my shit and found like.. 5 i liked. and so it’s not so much “i think i deserve more notes” as i “wish it would have been better before i posted it but also like. i’m done with it at this point..” the ones i do like tend to get noticed, even if it’s like a week after it’s posted? so i think the least is like .. 71 notes? & 72 notes. those 2 respectively fsdkfj. now if it was about my art… there’s a recent alyanette i posted on @/atvie but it’s not rly noticed but that’s ok!! fskdfj

there are some graphics that are low-effort but i wish had more notes just because i want to interact with the fandom but the fandom’s like. Really Small like with lookism & act-age & oresama teacher (like my most recent posts basically) so i don’t really expect much sdfjdkj

38. are you working on anything right now? if yes, show us a work in progress!

i’m not really? like i’ll start one & then i’ll be like. Fuck it. & just never look at it again because it gets buried in all of my other pages but. here’s one from last night?? that im probably never gonna finish also click maybe bc tumblr quality is .. Not Great... this one was wild cause i had my colors in mind & then once i was done with the clothing i just. switched them to the canon colors (mostly) by looking up the anime cap & while it may be more fitting to them i Don’t Like the Colors. also i gave robin a pantsuit. yes i know she was on the fire side of the island but she’s goth smh... u gotta have dedication

ask meme  /  @toooticki​

[alien-origins]

ok so I haven't been feeling that the arrangement/relationship was giving much bc it was a purely sexual thing and I was getting bored and low key disgusted.

and like when we met we both agreed for this to be no strings attached bc neither wanted a gf/bf. however I noticed like a year in he was catching feelings because he said "would you like to be exclusive?" and I asked what he meant and he said "that we only have sex with each other" and I said that I didn't know.

cut to like a few months later my sex drive goes down and I don't want to meet up bc it's just for sex and I tell him I'm not really wanting to do anything and he's like "oh but we can hang out still", but hanging out with him is literally sitting in his bed playing video games which isn't interesting or fun for me or watching a movie and have him dry hump me and tell me he wants me to which I get annoyed at because I EXPLICITLY said I didn't want to do anything.

and I also need to mention other things that annoyed me with him. every time in the morning I wanted to leave I always had to like come up with something like a "plan" so I had somewhere else to be and couldn't stay because dude I want to enjoy my weekend. and every time I was like "well o gotta go" and he said "it only takes 6 minutes to the train from here" but like I have smaller legs than you, want to have an extra 5 min in case and I HAVE ANXIETY which I've told him so I need extra time or I'll literally panic. so I almost missed the train several times because he would sometimes refuse to let me get up from bed and I was clearly annoyed at him like this isn't funny and idk why he thinks I'd want to miss my train bc then I'd have to wait 30 min for my bus.

time management. I'm the person that gets to class 20 min early. Gets up 2-3h before I need to leave the house and make sure I have n extra 20-30 min of I'm going to find a new place. this dude was more of a "few seconds before" type of person which gave me anxiety and just felt disrespectful of my time when HE decided time and then never managed to meet me in time. even if 90% of the time he just had to walk down to the lobby door of his apartment to get me on he'd be 10-15 min late.

however I think what was the breaking point for my tolerance was when we decided to watch captain marvel in theatres. I said I'd like to eat before and he was like "sounds good, the movie starts 21.30 so we can meet 20.35 and eat" and I'm like, weird time but okay. and I arrive 10 min early to the mall we're gonna eat at (where they also have the theatre) and I tell him I'm there. 20-30min later I get a text that says "I'll be a little late" and I'm like okaybim in the lobby. he comes through the doors 20 minutes before the movie starts and then is like "so what do you want to eat?" and I say "do we really have time for that" I'm annoyance and he's like sure we do and I'm like....sure....so we have Lebanese food but I can't eat quickly because of my anxiety and past ed so I eat half and put the rest of the shworma in my bag for later. then he wanted to go to another store to buy drinks with like 3 min left until it started. RIGHT OMG when we got there FORTY MINUTES LATE he wants to go say hi to a friend who works in a store there LIKE???!!???????

and onto kinks. he noticed me posting pics of kris wu sometimes going "omg daddy choke me😩😩" as we know I do, and he's like "you're into that?" and I'm like yea, thinking about choking. and then he asks about what I mean with daddy and I explain that's like "he's hot" it's a term used for hot men and he's like "you can call me daddy😏". and me, who only have like 5 names on my daddy list is laughing internally but I'm like whatever, sure.

next time I get to his house he asks me to call him daddy mid sex and I'm like ok??? and I do and there was nothing more to it. like 2-3 times later he goes full dd/lg and oh my gOd was it disturbing. he said stuff like "cum for daddy", "you have to keep quiet or your mom will hear" etc. and I said I didn't like talking during sex prior to this AAAAAND I TOLD HIM ABOUT MY VERY BAD RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAD so this made me nauseous and I told him I didn't like talking like that during sex. i don't even remember his response but he did it like 2-3 more times before he stopped but like omg I felt so uncomfortable. he kept asking what kinks I had and I said I enjoy hair pulling, choking, being restrained and roughhoused but idk why he translated it into dd/lg.

I had told him vulnerable things about myself that he didn't understand like my anxiety, issues with my period pain, my relationship with my dad and some things about sugar babying. and he really thought he could fix all these things.

third thing. he sent me links to oils, meditation methods and other "natural" ways of getting rid of period pains. and I tell him thank you but if this worked I'd know already. and he's like "but it works for some" and I'm like I'm not saying it isn't, it's just the fact that I almost got immune to strong pain killers specifically made for cramps so rubbing some lavender oil on my vulva won't do shit boy.

fourth. I get that he was probably trying to be nice and give me compliments and I told him I was insecure about my tits because they're not that big. they're a size AA and A on food days I guess. but he said every time that my boobs had gotten bigger like, I'd have a F cup at this point if they actually were getting bigger and he noticed it every time. then however he started saying "your ass had gotten bigger" and it made me feel so selfcouncious. he KNEW about my ed and he KNEW I was still having issues with it so I don't understand why that comment was necessary???? I spiraled after hearing those comments and almost started dieting and skipping meals again because of those comments. and I know it's in and hot to have a big ass rn but o don't want one, love em on other people but I don't want one bc o feelnotd be disproportionate with my small chest and I already feel so uncomfortable sometimes with not being curvy and like it messes me up ......

and just being treated like a sex object in general. sure it was a sexual arrangement, but some respect please.....he would call me sexy even though I said I didn't like that comment bc I didn't see myself as sexy and didn't think it described me well (plus I look younger than I am so it makes me kind of uncomfortable). and saying only things about my body and how hot and sexy I am and it didn't make me feel good. ever. I don't think he ever complimented me on anything else but looks and it gets very boring after a while.

the end of it. as we know I'm in Korea rn studying and he knew this since months back and we hadn't talked since my bday in February and I avoided sc bc we almost only talked there but then I posted something and he replies around July/August and never stops writing even though I don't reply for 1-4 days. immature of me maybe but I was working a lot and didn't even think of replying bc it gave me anxiety to talk to him at this point.

then September. it's 1 month left until I leave and I have a LOT to fix before going and friends to say bye to. he says "can we meet this weekend" and I tell him I work weekends and I have other things to do almost every weekend up to when I leave and idk if I'll have time. he kept pushing again and again and I told him I didn't have time. then like a week left and he asks me to come over tonight and he knows I need to know these things I'm advance or I don't do it bc I'm not an impulsive person. and I tell him "honestly I don't think I will have the time to see you before I leave. I want to say bye to my close friends and my family" and he's like "wouldvevliked to see you one time before you leave though ://" butbi don't reply.

I talk to a few friends and they tell me to break it off but I only did it last week and BOY. I sent him a message on fb saying that I'm sorry but I don't think this kind of relationship works for me anymore, I'm not interested in it and won't be when I come back either probably and I say that I hope he understands. and he just replies "what kind of relationship is this?" and I say fwb at best. and he's like. .....well...I was hoping for more but I could sense you didn't want it.

LIKE!!!!!WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME SO WE BOTH DIDNT WASTE TIME OMG. LIKE HES AN ADULT. A FULL BLOWN ADULT. HES TURNING 30 NEXT YEAR.

but I tell him yea no I was never looking for that and we agreed on nothing more. and he's like "too bad liked your vibe" and I laughed out loud bc omg that's hilarious!!!! also fuck you. and I say sorry again and that I'm not looking for anything at all and he asks "why?" this dude has the audacity to ask WHY I don't want to suck his dick and I'm trying to be nice about it but I said "do I need more of an explanation than that I don't want to?" and he's like no, but hmu if you change your mind. he also said he wasn't looking for a normal relationship, he wanted something between fwb and a real relationship whatever that means and like ugh I'm so tired....

In conclusion I hate men and I removed him from sc and fb.

[mergaliscious]

Denti-Cal is a joke.

Imma put a read more because I don’t want this getting filtered out and ignored but long story short I need dental care that my insurance doesn’t cover, here’s my paypal and store and I’ll go over the situation and the expenses under the cut. Even a dollar helps, the next 8 buyers can get hats for only $7.50 ($15 after that), and reblogs are also eternally appreciated! Check the notes for updates!

PayPal | Storenvy

While Medicaid is certainly better in California than a lot of states (idek if it usually covers dental, let alone how much), it’s still fucking stupid. It took me forever to find another dentist that takes my insurance after my last one left me with two poorly filled cavities and more that he was supposed to fill (I had an appointment to get them filled but he wasn’t there when I arrived that day so we had to postpone it and then the office shut down), and then the one that I found kept fucking up (first they sent me to the orthodontist when I asked for the GP, and then I arrived early for my appointment but then about 2 hours after the appointment was scheduled they still hadn’t called me in and we had to go pick up my sister), so I kind of gave up until I broke my tooth the Saturday before last.

I went to the emergency room and they prescribed me antibiotics and painkillers and told me to call a dentist to get my broken tooth fixed. They gave me a list of dentists that take patients without insurance, and after that I was on my own. I was able to find a dentist that was able to take me in less than a week later because it was an emergency.

tw vague surgery descriptions, over at the bold

When I got to the dentist I had x-rays taken and then the dentist looked over my teeth and basically told me that every one of my teeth except 5 or 6 in the front on the bottom has a cavity. I need 20 (?) fillings but Medi-Cal covers that. However, she also said I need 3 root canals (they gotta take out the nerve bc the damage is too close to it) and 2 crown lengthenings (they gotta cut back my gum and maybe bone to get to the whole cavity). They have a dentist there that does it but they don’t accept my insurance for that part.

tw over

So now I have to find an endodontist and a periodontist that take my insurance. I found a dentist that’s pretty close to home that says they might be able to do my root canals covered by Medi-Cal, but I need to get another exam done by them and since Medi-Cal only covers one exam a year, that’ll be $33. That’s not much, and technically speaking I have enough money in my bank account to pay it right now but I haven’t been spending any money because my bills for school are due this week. Well actually they were already due but my financial aid comes in this week and then I need to pay them bc if I don’t pay them this week I’ll get holds on my enrollment again and I’ll get paid late fees. I’ll probably also have to buy books and such but idk how much that’ll cost yet.

Even then, they’re not sure if Medi-Cal will cover the root canals, so I may have to pay for those out of pocket--they’ll tell me if so and how much after the exam--and they can’t do the crown lengthenings. I had to call a periodontist for that, and the answering service worker said she thinks they take Medi-Cal but she’s not sure. They’re gonna call me back tomorrow to tell me if they do or not, and if not I’ll ask how much it costs out of pocket. I’ll update on the crown lengthenings tomorrow, and I’ll update on the root canals after the exam.

In the meantime, though, the dentist said that I need to get an electric toothbrush. And since the teeth I need to get crown lengthenings for are impossible to floss between (so I can thank my old dentist for that bc it’s from the filling, which didn’t fill the whole cavity and prevents me from flossing between those teeth), my mom says I should get a Waterpik. She wants to help me, but she only gets paid a small stipend every month to cover living expenses and she’s also in school right now so she can’t afford it either.

So, assuming I’ll have enough between my first and next paycheck to pay my school bill, here are the expenses I know of so far:

Dental exam: $33

Electric toothbrush: min $25 - usually around $50 for the good ones

Waterpik: ~$35

so if I can get my operations covered, that’s $93 dollars minimum. Again, we’ll see how much more I need. I’ll reblog this with how much I’ve received and how much I need, so if you don’t know if I still need help, look in the notes. This was posted on 3/25/2019.

Note: if you just straight up give me like $50, I’ll just feel guilty. If you have that much to spend, you can give me maybe $10 and give the rest to other people or buy some hats or t-shirts from my store for you and your friends! I appreciate the help, but it’d be better for me and for others if I got little bits of money from more people.

[xxharukaxx]

One of the best experiences....

I really want to share this. So this happened to me. I was in a community server yesterday, more specific Jump_Academy. I joined and everything was cool, I was in the training instance. The first level was about doing jumps in general, normal jump, get higher, fall in a platform, that kind of stuff.

The second level was about doing jumps with the walls, ya know. At first it was not that difficult, some parts took me a few attempts but I manage to get them right. There was 6 obstacles. I kinda get stuck in the third one, I gotta to use the wall shooting 2 times to get to the other side (kinda in a U turn).

I was alone and suddenly some random player showed up, he got it at his first try, I turned to see him (There was a window so you can see where you have to land and a little of the other obstacles) and I screamed ‘Help’, I did it unconsciously ( A guy before him had passed and ignored me, so I didn’t think he would notice) he turned to see me and said ‘Good job’. I spammed a little the ‘Go Go Go’ ‘Move up’ He looked at the next obstacle and then back at me, I used the go voice line again, and then ‘Thanks’ he went his way while I was trying to do the jump again, I was there for a while until I got the hang of it and in the end I did it.

The next jump was even harder, I had to use a wall to pass through a hole level grounded, I spend like 40 min there until a group of other players came, one was engineer, and like 2 or 3 soldiers (2 with Unusuals). They seemed very experienced, I kept trying to do the jump, they noticed me and started to give me tips on how to do it on voice chat, even going back to show me again how, they even started to encourage me with words ( I had the pumpkin head) like ‘Go Pumpkin Head!’ ‘You can do it pal’ and things like that, later they kinda leave and wished me luck. But one of them stayed, he was helping me and giving me tips, he repeated the jump a couple of times, I manage to get it tho.

The next one was the most difficult for me, it took so long, but this guy stayed with me, showed me how to move my mouse and all, every time I got close he yelled ‘Good Work!’ ‘Nice Shot!’ . Other guy came and questioned why we were there and the guy that was helping me said that he was trying to help me, the other guy (His name was —- Dick something, I dunno) was like ‘Bruh this is so easy, I don’t know why it’s taking so long’ and I type in ‘Well, As I Medic main, this is hard as fuc’ Dick answered me with ‘Then why u here?’ And a random guy typed back ‘bc it’s fun’ My Friend (The guy helping me ) said ‘Not everyone has to play Soldier to be here Yknow’ and I kept trying while they talked about Trades. At one point I said ‘All soldier mains have my respect for rocket jumping ‘ and my friend answered ‘Anyone that tried this more than 20 minutes has my respect’ . Every time I got closer and closer, then this random guy said ‘guys on 5 you can use the wall for impulse’ And i tried a couple more times and I got it. I was so fucking happy! . My friend that was talking to D suddenly stopped and said ‘OH YOU DID IT!’ And he came to where I was and high five me.

The next was a little difficult too, after a couple of minutes He had to leave and said ‘Well, it was an honor to watch all of this’ . He then used the High five taunt, I went to him and high five him while saying ‘Thanks ‘ after he left I tried to add him. I have never experienced something like this, yes, on casual sometimes there’s nice guys. But this guy stood with me for more than 2 hours helping me out. For me it’s a prove that In the community there’s such a nice people, I will never forget this.

After I tried to add him I send him a message:

Hey! I just wanted to thank you for staying with me in the server, helping me, showing me how to make the jumps and even going back when I accidentally fell in the previous jumps, I really appreciate the time you spent with me, really. You are such a nice person, I would really like playing with you again if you want. Not just Jump Academy, anything would be great, and again thanks pal . Not everyone is like you.

[timelvss]

haunting past

parings: min yoongi | reader ft. jungkook

genre: idol au / angst (kinda a lot)

warnings: heartbreak, post break up

word count: 3.4k

description: jin is getting married, you have no date and you don’t want to see your ex min yoongi

author’s note: this is one of my firsts fics that im making, it took forever to finish but i’m so glad it came out well. Also if there is any spelling mistakes please forgive me, its 12 am and im finally posting this. Thank you for reading!

ps. i wrote a sequel! you can find it here, Haunting Present .

“Jennie, for the third time, I’m not going. It’s a stupid idea,” You said into the phone as you kept on folding the warm clothes splayed out in front of you.

“I know, but hey, maybe it’s been enough time,” she said back. You could hear rustling in the background and you swore it was because it was probably was at the mall once again. “I think you need to tell yourself to move on. His career came before you, go and show him you don’t need him,”

“I haven’t even dated since two years ago Jens, I think he can see I’m still a little hurt,” you mumbled back. Setting clothes in different piles as you sighed back into the phone.

“Hey, Jungkook will be there, ask him to pretend to be your date,” Jennie said back as you finished folding the last shirt. That wasn’t a bad idea, but you still felt guilty about using Jungkook just so you wouldn’t look so lonely.

“I’ll think about it okay?” you said as you rubbed your eyes, shaking your head at the thought of asking Jungkook.

“Okay, I gotta go. Also, if you do decide to go I picked up a dress for you so let me know.” You heard Jennie say as you tried to hang up the phone. You both said your farewells and finally hung up the phone. You were terrified of showing up to Jisoo’s engagement party dateless and bumping into your ex on accident.

Walking along the same path you walked every day you found yourself noticing small things that probably did not matter to other people besides you. For example, how the cafe in the corner always around the same time made the whole street smell like fresh baked pastries, how the warm weather was slowly running away from you, and how the people always seemed to know who you were. Right before turning your heel back to your street your boyfriend, Yoongi was sitting on the bench facing you. Smiling you walked towards him, only to be greeted by a small kiss to your cheek.

“How was work?” Yoongi asked as his hand moved around your waist to keep you close to him.

“Good, but you know how Seokjin is. He was bugging Jisoo and me about the demographics around the area for the new construction plans,” leaning into Yoongi’s shoulder you let yourself rest against him. You felt him tense for a second before breathing out a sigh making you furrow your eyebrows. “How was your day?”

“Listen, I need to tell you something,” he said and suddenly you felt everything rush inside of you. Was he going to dump you? Was there someone else? A thousand questions ran through your head making you back away from his embrace. “Don’t be like that, come back,”

“Tell me everything then,” you said, fixing your bag on your shoulder.

“The company accepted me.”

After the news of Yoongi getting accepted to the company you decided to drop everything and move to Seoul, of course Yoongi wouldn't even be living with you due to the company’s regulations but you were still a lot closer. Your job took another significant jab, the only way they would relocate you was if you wanted to move departments and start over from zero. You knew Yoongi felt terrible about moving your whole life to another city because of him so you didn’t mention the loss of your position.

The city live was something you were still trying to get used to, it was a lot different than Daegu but you wanted Yoongi to be happy. Since him joining the company all the free time was his lunches where you would meet up with him at a restaurant near the studio or he would come to your place. Yoongi would explain to you what his duties were including some lyrics of some songs he was writing. The excitement radiated off him and you couldn't help but to feel happy for him to be accomplishing his dreams.

About three months in, the lunches became less frequent and you knew it wasn't because Yoongi was getting tired of you but because he was too immersed into his work. You were a bit worried about him overworking himself or missing meals due to his new lifestyle. Which is why you spent most of the morning in the kitchen trying to prepare a couple of sandwiches and snacks for him.

You walked along the busy streets towards the studio where you knew Yoongi was probably still in. You had texted him a few times but after no reply you decided to go drop the food of yourself. After about 20 minutes of walking you walking into the lobby, meeting a young girl at the front desk who gave you directions towards the studio in which Yoongi was in. You made your way through the halls until you reached a door with the sign that said, ‘Agust D’ making you smile. You knocked a few times only to be greeted by a tall slender man who gave you a questioning look.

“You are?” the mystery man questioned you as he looked at the basket in your hands and then back inside. “Wait, you must be the mystery lady Yoongi mentioned. I’m Namjoon, I’ve been working with Yoongi for the past couple of days,”

“Nice to meet you,” you said back giving the guy a nod as he moved out of the way for you to come in. You gave Namjoon a small bow and walked towards Yoongi who was sitting in front of a whole arrangement of buttons with a pair of headphones on his ears.

“I’ll leave you two alone, I’m going to try to ask Wendy out again,” Namjoon said making you smile. You nodded and turned back to your boyfriend with a smile on your lips.

“Hey Yoongs, I brought you some food and snacks,” taking off Yoongi’s headphones you said carefully.

“Oh you're here, yes thank you. You can go now I have to get back to work, wait where’s Namjoon?” Yoongi said pushing the food further away from him and then down on the floor. You felt something tug inside but you kept it down.

“Yoongi have you even eaten?” You didn't realize what had slipped past your mouth until it was too late.

“Y/N go home, I’m busy,” Yoongi said sighing again as he stood up from his chair,.

“I gave everything up for you and all I get is a ‘go home, I’m busy.’ Are you fucking serious Min Yoongi?” you groaned. A small part of you felt guilty but your rage was boiling. How dare he try to push you away after everything you had given up for him?

“I don't want to argue with you,” Yoongi said in a stern voice. His fingers pinched the bridge of his nose, you could tell he was tired. He looked like he hadn't slept in days making you feel worse than what you felt before.

“I’ve tried keeping everything down Yoongi, ever since you sent in the audition tape. I kept doing everything I thought was right just to please you but I’m so exhausted. Just say you’ll try to fix this, that you’ll fight for me,” you begged him one last time as tears built up. Your vision was turning blurry and the pang in your chest was at its worse.

“Go home.” You could only nod and look back at the man in front of you, giving him one last smile before you walked out of the studio. Your hands whipped any remaining tears away from your eyes and held your head up. Not even the Min Yoongi genius was going to see you cry.

  Pulling on the dress you still thought this was a terrible idea but Jennie was persistent that you ‘show up and show him his loss’. You couldn’t really picture it being a loss really. In the two years you left him he only managed to debut and gather a pretty massive fanbase. His album was top selling in the rankings and at award shows he always seemed to be the smiley Yoongi you knew. He was rumored to be dating some girl from a group but you decided not to pay attention.

You were finishing up the rest of your makeup when your phone gave a small ding, telling you a message came.

  [6.24 pm ] jungkook : are u almost ready bc im on my way rn

  When you finally asked Jungkook to go with you it seemed like a good idea, but now that you saw the text you felt a wave of dizziness come over. You couldn’t show up with another guy, everyone would ask you and what was your answer? No, he's just a friend. Way to go Y/N.

  [6.25 pm ] you : yes but i want to die

  You could practically hear Jungkook laughing at you, but your brain was screaming and your heart was probably dead in a ditch.

  [6.26 pm ] jungkook : don’t worry if it gets too bad well ditch and go for burgers even if seokjin hyung kills us

  Jungkooks hand was on your back as you both walked towards the entrance of the reception. Flowers and arrangements decorated small tables around the room, it was beautiful but it was obvious Seokjin picked them.

“Y/N! You actually came!” you heard Jisoo’s scream from across the room. Suddenly you were wrapped in too many arms and all you could do was smile.

“See, I told you she would show up,” Jin said against your head making you laugh as you nodded your head. “I know how hard it must be to be here, but thank you,” JIn whispered back against your head as Jisoo pulled back from you. You could only give him a tight smile and nod your head once again.

“It’s a special day for the both of you, I wanted to be here,” You said as your hand slipped around Jungkook’s arm, making you feel a bit safer than before. Jin pulled back to you at your date and raised one if his eyebrows. “It’s not what you think,”

“Woman, you know I’m more than fine with who you date but really? A kid?” Seokjin said as a laugh escaped his lips and you tried hard to contain yours.

“Excuse me, I’m not a child and I’m actually twe-”

“Seokjin,” Your head quickly turned to the voice who said those words. You gripped tighten around Jungkook’s arm and your heart felt like it was beating a million times per minute. Jungkook held his grip on you and gave you a reassuring smile, you could only nod and try to look away from where the voice was coming from.

“Oh, Yoongi, I thought you said you weren’t gonna make it,” you could hear the small amount of surprise in Seokjin’s voice.

“I wasn’t but Jisoo asked my mom, she pretty much forced me to walk out of the studio,” Yoongi chuckled and you could only feel your heart clenching. Jungkook must have sensed your discomfort because his arm slipped around your torso, helping you stand completely up and you could only pray a genuine smile was on your lips when you turned to see your ex.

Excusing ourselves, Jungkook lead the way to your table only to find Jennie with a man who you didn't know but suspected it was one of her new toys. You could feel a pair of eyes burning into the back of your head but you refused to turn around. If you did you might as well tell him you still love him.

“I can still feel his eyeballs on us,” Jungkook said beside you as he took a small sip of his water trying to sound as calm a possible.

“Well, he did have an intense stare,” you sigh as the words slip out of your mouth, bringing your hand up to rub the bridge of your nose.

“It’s okay now he thinks you got someone, I don't see how this is bad,” Jennie said as her date placed a kiss to the top of her head. You could tell she meant a lot more to him than him to her but you weren't going to spill any secrets you lowkey understood. “But, I can go tell him to fuck off if you want,”

“Let him be, it's fine, I’ll be fine.” You fingers found themselves on your temples as you leaned on to your elbows. Glancing down at your drink and then back at the people around yourself.

The music was at full blast when you least realized, people danced in the small stage and all you could do was smile at the people. Jin and Jisoo looked like they were having the time of their life which only made you wonder if that would ever come to you. Jungkook was talking to Jennie’s date while she was out dancing with a couple of her other friends. You always hated dancing but now you only wanted to slow dance with a single person.

  “C’mon, you need to start practicing,” Yoongi’s hands found themselves on your hips, tugging you closer to his body. A goofy grin spread over his lips as you laughed at his words.

“Practicing for what?”

“For our wedding.”

The both of you laughed as you wrapped your hands around his neck, slowly moving your legs to the rhythm of the song. He could only let out a groan every time you stepped on his toes making you whisper out a million ‘sorry’s and ‘forgive me’s.

  You stood up from your chair and excused yourself from your friends, walking out of the venue and towards one of the balconies. Leaning against the railing you let out a loud sigh knowing no one was around. The realization of things were heavy against your shoulders as you looked up the sky. The love you felt for Yoongi was still there and you had no idea how to get rid of it. Maybe saying yes to a date with Jungkook would be a good idea but you didn't want to leave the boy broken hearted in the process of figuring yourself out.

“Do you want to dance?” quickly turning you found the source of the voice, Min Yoongi.

“Yoongi,” you breathed out as if it was your last breath. Your heart was racing against your chest and you were so glad the man wasn’t standing closer or else he would have seen your hands start to shake.

“It doesn't have to mean anything, but seeing them dance didn't feel right because that cou-”

“Don't say it” you warned the man in front of you, as he stepped closer to you. You could see his changed features this close better than any recent picture you found yourself stalking that day.

His hair was a light blue and it was ready to turn back to blonde in the next few washes and you could only think of how that was his color when you left. His eyes looked tired, but he always looked tired even when he slept through all his alarms and got to class late. His shoulders were more broad and he no longer looked like a boy, this Yoongi that was in front of you was a man. A man that you still loved with every cell in your body.

  “Y/N,” he pleaded as his hand slowly made his way to cup your face making you stare up at him. Everything felt in place but you knew deep inside it meant nothing, because after this night things would go back to the way they were. Two separate lives, Yoongi living his dream while you tried to figure out how to push him out of your life. “Please, just one dance,”

You could only nod and him as his hand slipped down to take yours into his while the other took its place on your hip. Resting your hand on his shoulder you both moved closer to each other, your head was tucked underneath his. You could hear his breaths as you both slowly swayed back and forth. The movement felt all too familiar and you couldn’t help to feel your eyes start to water, making you turn your head to the side so it was harder for him to see you. The song played in the background making your heart ache, but that was a feeling familiar to you by now.

“You look beautiful,” Yoongi said as a smile was spread over his lips. It was a bit sad on how you could tell by not even looking at him. “I never thought I’d see you again, or that you would come at all. I just came to see if I could see you again which I’m glad I did at least. Even though you came with someone, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I lost the biggest part of me when I pushed you away and you didn’t deserve that,”

“Things happen Yoongi,” letting out a small laugh you picked at your nails for about the hundredth time since you arrived to the venue. Or more like, since you saw Yoongi.

“I lost the one thing I promised myself I wouldn’t, you,” Yoongi said as his legs moved along with the rhythm. He was no better than you at dancing, but the time that passed his legs seemed to move more with the music you noticed. Although you couldn’t say the same for yours.

“Yoongi, you can't say that,” you said pulling back from his arms. Shaking your head and letting your hand put a safe distance between the both of you.

“You need to hear it, I’m not asking you to take me back but I want you back in my life,” you heard him say making your heart skip a beat. You brain was screaming at you and telling you to run, but your feet kept you grounded to the floor as if they had grown roots. “I know I’m not the most decent human being, but I just want you back. I was a wreck after I realized I didn't have you in my life anymore. I called everyone and asked everyone about you, but you disappeared from here and I had the album coming. I did nothing, so now I'm begging you to please let me back into your life. I need you,”

Your mind was running in circles and you could only take more steps backwards. Your hands wiped any tears that found themselves rolling down your cheeks, you couldn’t let him see you like this. He couldn't make you cry. Not again. Your gaze met his and his eyes screamed for an answer, but your mouth had nothing to say.

  “Y/N,” you turned to see Jungkook standing by the door frame, the look in his eyes was something you had never seen before. His whole mood screamed protect and you could only move towards him. You heard Yoongi make a noise behind you but you told yourself not to look back.

“Jungkook,” you whispered as you turned to look at Yoongi who was visibly sending daggers towards Jungkook.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook walked towards you and put his hands on your cheeks, wiping any remains of tears away from your eyes. You could only stare back at him, he truly cared for you and you saw that in his eyes.

“Yes, let’s go,” you told Jungkook, making him nod and take your hand in his. You turned back at Yoongi one last time before you left. Your feet moved along with Jungkook’s as you both walked out of the venue, not looking back at any of the people you both left behind.

“Y/N, no please! Don't go, please!” You heard Yoongi’s screams from behind you only making your grip on Jungkook’s hand tighter. He was saying something that you couldn't catch because your ears were buzzing. You heard Jin screaming at Yoongi and footsteps behind you as Jungkook opened the car door for you. Yoongi’s eyes found yours as you stood in front of your seat. His eyes were red and tears rolled and he looked as if he had been crying all night, but you knew it had only been minutes.

   “I’m sorry, Yoongi.”

[haeroniel-doliet]

gah another 5 am post eh fellas

fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now)  and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it. 

saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now. 

so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it.  i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so  i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess. 

okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have  a ballet company idk. 

all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could  be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love  a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents  and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim. 

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 4 - "Now the fun part begins" ~Colin

All I gotta say....finesse

Look at us go✨ I say us because if I say me that sounds conceited even tho it was literally a hero challenge 😂. [HI THIS WAS BURIED IN MY TABS IT'S FROM ROUND 3 I WAS PROBS GONNA WRITE MORE BUT OH WELL]

We tribe swapped and I was really stressed at first because now im on the tribe that loses all of the challenges. But its fine bcs im friends with everyone now and im in an alliance with Ginny and Amy. I also love Danny he is literally under the influence rn im exposing him. But hopefully when hws sober he remembers how cool i am and we will work together. And Jennifer is on my tribe and we're friendly with each other. But honestly it would be in my best game interests to have her the one voted out. If it comes to that. Bcs Im literally working with everyone and shes pretty inactive.

Welp. Here we are. Swapped. It's a lil fucked up but I saw it coming. So I got stuck with Brayden which is like whatever to me, I'm glad him and I talked enough on original phantoms. But the issue is that it's just him and myself. Along with that its the two S.E.E.S. and one Fool. So I immediately swooped in on Jared, I tried to be relatable with him by talking about Danny and Shaad, who I know, and I think gthat brought him comfort. I spilled to Jared that Danny and Shaad know each other to show him that I have info and I'm willing to be open about stuff and talk with him straight up. We got to talking, and we declared that we want to work together WHICH IS GREAT!! Idk how much I can trust him, but if I show him loyalty and openness I think I'd get it back from him which is clutch. I need him to be the third with Brayden and myself, but I'm sure Jay and Elle are thinking the exact same thing. That's why I swooped in so fast, and I'm sure he'll tell them what they want to hear and theres a chance hes doing that to me as well (and I don't blame him, make your own decisions Jared king), but I need to show him that sticking with me is the better option. Idk idk I'm just trying to avoid playing my idol rn. I'll keep working on Jared, and I'll see what Brayden's been up to. ALSOOO APPARENTLY so Brayden tells me that him and Elle played together (which I knew), but he voted them out so idk how their dynamic is. Lots to think about, I guess now I actually do want to win immunity because I don't feel as secure as I did on original phantoms. But I def have Brayden on my side, and I'm really hoping Jared is truly gonna ride with me. Idols/advantages are also a potential problem here because what if Elle or Jay have one. I hope Brayden is just lying to me and he secretly has something too. I almost told him about mine but I decided against it. Much to think about, much to do, much to win.

I got an idolllll✨ lol so glad i signed up because no one else from my tribe did so it was super easy 😄 Tribe swap!! Sad bc i'll miss Colin 😔 real homie right there um i mean sure others too maybe lol I switched with Jay so no worries there and Anastasia I'm sorry to say we've never really clicked like we've worked together before (and she's backstabbed me before) but we've never really been like *this* y'know??? And Babs and Jennifer I barely talked to Babs likes musical theater and vine references tho so she's cool B) Anywayssss Dennis knows the pain of being a Starbucks barista and I was with Jared in the shape memory and felt bad for them oof so yeah OH! and Brayden helped vote me out in Kyoshi after saying he wouldn't vote for me... Dont Love That but also it was kinda a hopeless situation in Kyoshi kinda tragicccc for me funnily enough I was tribe swap screwed over but that's not like this time (if it is I will SCREAM but also I'm chill with whatever place I get in this game so eh) yeah i kinda made myself stop drinking caffeine/copious amounts of sugar for a year and then started back at Starbucks and immediately broke soooo I have no idea how coherent this is I think we'll do well in the challenge!! It's scavenger hunt but also I am working this weekend :( hate that for me ik me too boo so we'll see how much I can do I remember being upset at myself in prev. seasons because I went too hard in challenges and I feel like in this one I just don't have the time to 😂 the way to get priorities is to get a life apparently lol kidding but also am I??? Idk kinda forgot what I was talking about. Yay in the Phantom tribe now and we will crush this challenge✨

This tribe is getting on my nerves. 2 of them are super nice and I'd love to work with them but I don't know how the pre-alliances worked before this tribe. I really enjoy Amy and Anastasia but trying to talk to Ginnifer is like pulling teeth and Jennifer still hasn't said....anything.

https://youtu.be/maj4CRLrsjQ sorry this is really long i didnt mean to

My tribe is going to council.

At first, I thought I was SCREWED because I got neither Amy, Dennis, or Brayden from my OG tribe for the swap. I barely spoke to Josh, but at least he tries in challenges and we have that going for us. I absolutely adore Colin, he's experienced and he doesn't hide it, but here's a good support system and I see why he goes far in these games. By virtue of me being active, I can hopefully stay alive from this swap. As for the challenge, it's incredibly difficult to do since only the 3 of us are actively doing it, and with 3 slots, it means everyone has to do everything, which is virtually impossible. Shaad complained about his old tribe but a lot of his tribemates' confessionals about him were about him being inactive, and I'm definitely seeing it. Babs hasn't even accepted my message request yet. I absolutely trust Colin and I'm debatable with Josh, but I sure hope that he's not working with Shaad and Babs. But I'm 99% sure that's not the case because even Colin hasn't talked to Babs much and they haven't even been accepting message requests. I absolutely think we're headed to tribal, but honestly, that might be fine because it'll save my other allies in the other tribes. I just hate going to tribal council because it's never fun and it makes me nervous. Every time. But hopefully my social relationships I've made will get me through this swap even if I have to (at last, I guess) go to tribal council. 

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https://youtu.be/FJOPBi8cnBk

The swap is fun so far doing a fun and hilarious scavenger hunt but yuck my face is sticky blech 

Okay I think I figured out a lot. I think all the idols are on my tribe. The way Jared and Jay talk to me shows me that theyre smart players and I realllllly think they both have idols. And the three of us are just dancing around that subject. So if we go to tribal, I have to move very cautiously and thats why im trying to get another advantage. I think Jay is going for it too, homeboy messages me in 10 minute intervals. I think I can only afford going to tribal once with this tribe, I'm just hoping we win out especially if all the idols are chilling here I don't want to play it yet. Ima just keep hunting i dont have a lot of thoughts rn.

I'm not sure where I'm at. I feel decent about elle, she has familiarity with me, it should be convenient for her and I to stay together. I do like Jared too...the hope is that he links up with us and we can take out Brayden. Nothing personal against Brayden, but I like Dennis more, and I feel like I can work with Dennis in a merge scenario. If we can get Brayden out whenever we go to tribal, I'll also be put in a scenario at that point where I can either go with Jared and Elle, or maybe Jared and Dennis. Dennis seems very low key and more social than strategic, so he's a good person to play with for a decent amount of time. 

Uh idr my last confessional or when it was :( we just did the scavenger hunt challenge and are waiting for results and i really hope we don't have to go to tribal bc what a crappy birthday present that'd be!! Bc my birthday is tomorrow :)))))) I hope people remember bc I'm not going to say anything 😶 just to see who remembereddddd probs no one and ill break midday or maybe I'll leave it alone who knows! I'm going on a picnic tomorrow tho and then probs celebrating with fam so it'd be a bad day for a tribal :( OMG what if I got voted out on My Birthday that'd be so r00d but like kinda iconic too very memorable 21st brithday the one where I was voted out Metaverse... anyways uh hope we win this challenge lol 😅

Okay so it's cute and all that we won but Miss Jennifer needs to go ASAP. I low-key wanted to go to tribal just so I could let her GO, but it's whatever. I get a day to chill finally. I don't have to think as hard anymore. I feel good.

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I think the thing I am very interested in seeing is what's about to happen with Shaad in that tribe.

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But also, I really love Amy. I think she's really gonna be good for me.

okay i've been slacking on confessionals so im gonna pretend this is like 2 days ago and make one solely about the swap AHHH TRIBE SWAP i'm kinda excited that none of my alliance members are on my new tribe. that seems opposite but its gonna give me a better chance to branch out and make new connections, then when merge hits rekindle the old alliance that existed pre swap. hopefully that all pans out!! immediately I started vibing with Jodi. she's an absolute QUEEN and we match each other's energies perfectly. we've been shading others in the tribe, joking around, connecting personally, it's been great!! honestly i knew within like the first 20 mins I wanted to duo with her and be a f2. the rest of the tribe however? sheeeeesh babs and shaad are very inactive. apparently shaad blew up on his last tribe bc they almost voted him out... for being inactive? like sir if the shoe fits. pls fix it. babs is going THRU it and I feel for them. but... just say somethin josh is kind of a king. jodi likes him. he's putting in a lot of effort and I appreciate that. not sure if it makes him a threat but it definitely makes him an asset SO I approached both of them with an alliance!! and it worked!! i now have ANOTHER alliance woo!! with josh and jodi!! woo!! here's part of my host chat rambling bc I confess way more there than I do here i think Jodi and Josh might be like a duo tho the way Jodi talks about is kinda sus imma need to weasel my way in maybe I'll suggest a trio alliance as the most 'active' people on the tribe as a means to get close to them, then I'll use that to secure a f2 with jodi jodi radiates the same type of chaotic energy I do in games but she gets more bored than I do which is not good but more fun

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we LOST but im not SURPRISED i feel like we shouldve won SOLELY bc I got SANDRA DIAZ-TWINE to send me a selfie. that's fucking iconic. one of my proudest org career moments. anyway now the fun part begins. gotta decide who goes. it's either shaad or babs. I think the easiest and most common sense thing to do is vote babs because they've been more inactive. but also its the first live tribal and I think shaad will give drama if we vote him off. and that makes GOOD FUCKING TV. so idk. options options. we'll see!

holy shit phantoms won immunity. phantoms stays the winning tribe 4 times in a row holy shit. i actually wanted to win this time and put a lot of effort into this because no ma'am i need safety rn and work on these relationships. just need time. speaking of time, im about to hit hour 12 of the endurance hunt and im starting to feel like a madman. but babyyyyy i want another advantage and hopefully another fucking idol holy shit can you imagine???? i still haven't told anyone and my lips are gonna remain sealed. however i still think that yall are messy and set up my tribe where u knew brayden and i werent super close and from what ive gathered jay and elle weren't close either. so u put the two pairs that arent close with the one fool. okay so what else could we possibly have in common on this tribe to add more mess? IDOLS!!!!! like the three people that got the idols got swapped onto the same tribe like that has to be it. so jared would have to have one, even though he told me he didnt but the way he talked to me about idols in general literally makes me feel like he has one. i was like it would be so nice to have a little bit of security and hes like yeah i know what you mean. like bro just tell me u got a fuckin idol already. so then jay or elle have to have one. and i am convinced jay has one. maybe elle is gonna gag me with her idol but im gonna assume its jay. jared has spoken with him, and i have spoken with him. the three of us feel really good with each other (but im pretty sure jared has me above him bc i got to him first). we'll probs make an alliance chat shortly. i recognize that jared and jay are good at the strategic part of the game and are really smart and just good overall competitors and ESPECIALLY if they have idols that makes them even more dangerous. so i have to work with them than against them i have to make sure that they know i have them above everyone else. i think three strong players naturally gravitated towards eachother and if we really all do have idols its so funny that we're not telling each other. but im slowly but surely working on getting it out of them but if theyre as smart as i think they are they wont tell me. im just gonna continue being "transparent" with them and we'll see where it goes i hope they dont catch on. also jays a fucking liar because we were on a call today and i asked him if he did any hunts. he gave me a pause and then slurred his speech when he said "i haven't done any" like broooooooo ur fuckin lying to me right through your teeth. im convinced hes doing this one because he was up early for some breakfast and his lil skype thing showed online status allllll day like i gotta assume hes doing it. even if he didnt do the first three like hes def doing the last three dont play dumb with me!!!! i am not the one baby. but actually as im writing this hes not online anymore so if he really was doing it maybe he stopped? so if he was up early i would assume he started at 7 or 8 and ending by 9:30 he did 13 or 14 hours? idk im literally going till i cant stay up anymore ive already hit the 12 hours mark now if i went this long i have to go for the w likeee i have to. thats all i got for ya right now dont ever ask me for anything again.

no joke my brain is melting pls help

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i want a survivor wiki page :(

During challenge: https://youtu.be/IsGPtYtgnQ4 After challenge results: https://youtu.be/CgmLGWBvEhw

https://youtu.be/Yfsh_odV-Zg

The tribe swap really confused me. I was finally getting the hang of this game but now I'm doubting myself again. I also haven't been active much for the past 2 days and I think my tribe mates have noticed. I need to stay on top of things better if I don't want to (eventually) get voted out.

That this tribe swap screwed me over. It left me with Babs whos been completely inactive and Shaad whos been completely useless. At least I gained an alliance with Jodi and Colin but this is fucking pitiful.

https://youtu.be/pE207b8VRFE

can't wait to vote out jared and jay once jury starts

So I had planned on doing hourly milestone activities like calling a friend at 15 hours, eating ice cream at 16 hours etc and I was filming it to vlog the evening for my confessionals.. but my mom called me around 10:55 for a family emergency and when it was done it was 11:01 and my alarm got overridden by the call. That’s how I dropped and I’m really sad 😔 i low key don’t wanna play the game today but I literally have tribal so I have to stay online, even tho I’d still be more active than babs and shaad ☠️ I wanted this one so bad because the only thing I’m good at is not sleeping. Whoever went longer than 15.5 hours is now at the top of my hitlist, if I find out you also tried this hard for an advantage, I will take u out w my army. Even if it’s a superidol. The only good thing from this L is it ignited a huge motivator for me to play this game hard again (but not too hard) but have a goal and mission to complete. 

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https://youtu.be/PR8XWvdH-Hc

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update: i think Amy has it. I'll ask her about it at the merge, she won the 24 hour comp in her last org so it's very possible she gunned this advantage out. if she tells me she has it, then i know I'm absolutely her #1, if not, then we'll see what happens ..... 

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Edgic:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jared: He has done well to place himself firmly in the middle of his tribe. The two sides are definitely going by tribal lines at the moment which makes him the most powerful person on the tribe. Everyone wants to work with him. He will definitely be safe if his tribe has to go to tribal council soon.

Jay: This comes as a surprise, but Jay has bonded well with Jared. So much so that Jared listed Jay as the person he trusts the most currently on his tribe. This gives the S.E.E.S. side a bit more longevity on this tribe which is definitely in Jay’s interest. I can see Jared and Jay forming a tight duo.

Dennis: He is definitely in a better spot than he was on his last tribe. No one on this tribe has explicitly said they distrust or want to target Dennis. He’s playing it safe which is good. He lands himself higher than Elle because Jared seems to trust him more. If the decision was between Dennis and Elle, he would be the one safe. Additionally, he’s also sniffed out that the idols are all on this tribe (which is just a coincidence). However, he believes that Jay has it rather than Elle which is an unfortunate guess from him. However, what is excellent game sense is that he wants to form an alliance with Jay and Jared which could definitely benefit him in the long run when he needs to separate himself from his Phantoms.

Elle: It is sad to see Elle near the bottom, but it doesn’t seem like they have won anyone over with their charm on this tribe. Everyone besides Jay sees Elle as someone expendable if this tribe were to go to two consecutive tribal councils. On the plus side, Elle has an idol. If it comes to that, she may be able to keep herself safe.

Brayden: For some reason, no one except Dennis trusts Brayden. In fact, I would not be surprised if Jared, Jay, and Elle came to the consensus that he should be the one to go out of the two Phantoms. Brayden’s unwillingness to work with Dennis rears its ugly head as, even now, Brayden wants to distance himself from Dennis. He seems to believe that he is good with Jay and Jared when both parties have listed him on the bottom of their trust rankings. If Brayden is not careful, he is going to find himself blindsided and voted out premerge in this game.

Fools

Danny: Amy and Anastasia want to keep Danny in spite of their alliance with Ginny. It feels as if both of them want to work closely with him AND want to ditch that alliance. Danny easily has the most control as he has key allies that are willing to go to bat for him if things get messy. I even believe that he would be saved rather than Ginny if this tribe were to go to tribal council consecutively.

Anastasia: Her prior connection with Ginny has instantly landed her in an alliance with Amy despite the fact she doesn’t even know Amy like that. In fact, Anastasia doesn’t even trust Amy that much, but is still willing to work with her and pretend to be allies. Additionally, she has gotten into the good graces of Danny for whom she is trying to work closely with. Anastasia is the most connected with Danny which means she is the safest out of the group. However, Amy sees right through the veneer which means that Anastasia could be labelled as a big threat and be subsequently taken out at the early stages of merge. It was definitely a mistake to inform Amy about their prior connection with Elle.

Amy: What lands Amy here is that Anastasia doesn’t trust her. I was surprised too, but, looking at it, Anastasia would cut Amy over Ginnifer. What puts her above Ginnifer is her activity, however. Hopefully Amy can gain more trust with Danny and Anastasia and be safer in the future. Amy has a good read on Anastasia which keeps her in this position as well. She knows exactly what she needs to do to survive this tribe with the necessary numbers, but can she do it?

Ginnifer: I believe Ginnifer made a misstep by creating an alliance with Anastasia and Amy. At least for Amy, she doesn’t know how to feel considering Ginny never mentioned the alliance and just put them in it. It may have been a bit too presumptuous which leads to hesitation and distrust with the people she wants to ally with. Finally, Danny was also annoyed by Ginny being inactive near the start of the challenge which lowers her overall safety at tribal council

Jennifer: Where is Jennifer San Diego? Her inactivity and unhelpfulness in the challenge makes her the easiest target. There’s not much to say except if she doesn’t pick it up soon and socialize, she will be sitting in the VL.

S.E.E.S.

Jodi: Once again, Jodi has emerged as the tribe leader. Despite being on a plane for the whole day, she has been the most vocal about organizing the challenge. People are very attracted to Jodi’s energy making it easy for her to make allies in any situation she finds herself in. Right now, she has allied with Colin and Josh which easily puts her on the top of this trio alliance. Therefore, she is the safest person on the tribe. She has also been dictating this vote pretty heavily. I fear that Jodi just does not know how to chill though. Her biggest weakness is that she will jump out at anything and try to keep talking when she should just hold back. If she keeps playing the way she is, she will end up as an early jury boot.

Colin: Colin has attached himself to Jodi pretty heavily. I can definitely see this being Colin’s Final 2 rather than any of his allies back on S.E.E.S. The good part about it is that Jodi seems to feel the same way which is great. Additionally, Colin can hide behind Jodi’s massive target at merge.

Josh: Josh does very well in the challenges which keeps him in people’s good graces. His activity definitely helps him survive this tribe as well. He has found himself allied with Jodi out of necessity though. I do not doubt that Colin and Jodi will leave Josh in the dust once merge rolls around and they have their allies back. However, Josh is doing the thing he should be doing at pre-merge: being good at challenges and being active. Anything more would put an unnecessary target on his back at merge.

Babs: Babs is never online and did not even try to help in the challenge. This leaves them low. However, they do still have a Vote Blocker so they can pull some shenanigans if they so choose. Additionally, their inactivity may be used as a shield for now as, at the very least, Jodi is still willing to gtry and get to know Babs.

Shaad: I do not particularly understand why the trio alliance wants to target Shaad. He has a pre-established enemy in Jared and is willing to blow up if he wants to. He could make a great shield in the future, and he would not target these people. However, they believe that Shaad is more useless in the challenges than Babs (despite Babs never being online). And, without any allies on this tribe, there is no one there to vouch for Shaad making his demise seem clear. I hope somehow Shaad can pull himself out, but it does not seem likely.