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keerysfreckles · 7 months ago

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ok, so I saw your Newsies smau and I was thinking...

Reader plays Eurydice on Hadestown and a while back she broke up with her toxic ex. But then she meets one of the drivers (u can choose which one) at a show one day and yk they fall in love. Inspired by the song All I've Ever Known from Hadestown.

This is hyper specific and u can ignore this, I'm just rambling here

all i've ever known — LN4

pairing: lando norris x bway!reader

warnings: slight smut, allusions to smut, not proofread

a/n: sorry not sorry but ive never listened to the hadestown soundtrack SO going off the vibes of the show and what i know of it from tiktok 🤞🤞

masterlist !

⋆ ˚ ｡ ⋆ ୨୧ ˚

for the past three months oscar has been begging lando to go to a broadway show with him. every time the brit is asked, he argues that lily should go with oscar. which he denies, explaining lily's hate towards musicals.

yes, maybe oscar was trying to set up one of his closest friends with his teammate. what could be so bad about him trying to be a good wing man?

after asking non stop during the weekend, lando finally agreed to fly to new york with oscar.

on the plane, oscar tried his best to explain the musical to lando. lando however only got more confused as oscar kept talking, so he opted to look it up on google instead.

"why are you so insistent with me going with you anyway? there's 18 other drivers to pick from," lando asks as he and oscar walk through the streets of new york, on their way to the theater. oscar kept looking down at his phone at google maps, displaying the directions to the address.

"first off, you're the closest friend i have on the grid. and second, there's someone i want you to meet."

lando chuckles, "so this was just to set me up?" oscar simply nods. "does my love life seem that depressing to you?"

oscar doesn't answer as they arrive at the theater, already having a large line queued. the mclaren drivers wait in line, signing things and taking pictures here and there as the line continues moving.

both men are handed a playbill at the entrance, to which lando immediately flips through as oscar leads them to their seats.

oscar points out to lando his friend, y/n, in the small booklet. her black and white picture is at the top of the second page, along with a male, who lando could only guess was the other lead in the show.

"your friend is the lead?" lando asks in shock.

oscar laughs, "yeah, she's actually going to school for musical theater at nyu."

lando whistles and looks through the cast again, now noticing a certain celebrity who's playing the male lead.

"jordan fisher?"

oscar only laughs again at his over enthusiastic friend. "you know, for someone who kept saying no, you seem pretty excited to be here."

before lando could come up with a proper comeback, the lights started dimming in the theater, hushing the crowd.

oscar kept stealing glances towards lando throughout the whole show. he couldn't help but smile as his face lit up as y/n first stepped out on stage.

lando looked like a kid in a candy store. his cheeks flushed and eyes wide, with a smile adorning his features.

at intermission lando immediately started praising y/n towards oscar, telling him how she was made for the stage.

"why don't you tell her that?"

lando only furrowed his eyebrows in response.

"at the end of the show people wait by the stage door to hopefully meet the cast. y/n promised she'd meet us out there."

the two continued talking. oscar answering any questions lando had about the show so far.

the second act of the show went the same as the first, lando being in awe of y/n and oscar smiling at his friend because of his actions.

intentional or not, oscar could tell lando already thought highly of y/n. now the australian could only hope they'd get along once they met.

as soon as the lights dimmed on stage, the audience roared in applause and cheers.

oscar and lando cheered louder when y/n stepped forward, there was no surprise there.

now the duo was waiting outside the theater, their arms wrapped around themselves to try and keep them warm in the chilly new york wind.

"you alright? you seem kind of nervous," oscar states, noticing lando swaying more then usual. a nervous habit he's picked up on over the past year or so.

lando simply shrugs. he was not about to share with oscar how he might've just fallen in love with girl on stage. he never believed in love at first sight before, but now his mind has been changed.

the stage doors opened, revealing y/n and her costar jordan fisher. both were eager to meet the fans who waited, and signed pictures and other items, as well as take pictures with the fans and answer any questions they had.

as y/n was finishing signing a picture for a fan, oscar called her over.

"oscar!" y/n giggled as she jogged towards him and lando.

oscar hugged and congratulated her, lando doing the same.

"so you're the famous lando he keeps talking about," y/n smiles up at him, taking in his features for the first time.

lando laughed before looking at oscar, "what on earth have you told her about me?"

"nothing bad don't worry," oscar pats his shoulder, as y/n simply chuckles.

⋆ ˚ ｡ ⋆ ୨୧ ˚

three weeks have passed since y/n and lando met. they were lucky enough to get each other's phone numbers before departing on the night they met. the two haven't stopped talking since.

lando told y/n he'd be back in new york with his close friend max.

y/n couldn't help but grow excited at the news, counting down the few days until lando would be back in the states.

to add to the surprise of lando showing up, he was currently waiting outside the stage door, just like last time when he was here.

he made sure to keep the secret of being in the audience tonight, knowing how happy it would make y/n once she saw him there.

just like every other night, y/n was talking with the fans, simply going down the line taking pictures and signing items.

it was when she turned, "lando!" she laughed, finally noticing the brit standing off to the side.

she ran towards him, jumping against him to tackle him in a hug. he held his arms out, prepared for impact as he spun her around once.

"i thought you were getting here tomorrow," y/n holds onto his biceps as he sets her down, his hands never leaving her waist.

"i convinced my friend to leave a day early. mainly 'cause you had a show tonight."

"lan, that is so sweet," the nickname fell right off her tongue. lando couldn't help but feel his cheeks warm as she said it.

"only issue is he's still getting here tomorrow," lando frowns slightly, "he was busy filming a video for quadrant."

y/n nods in understanding, then an idea hits her. "well if you don't have a hotel already, you could stay at my apartment?"

lando chooses to ignore the feeling in his chest as she asked, simply nodding.

"great! my cars just parked in the garage behind the theater," y/n boldly grabs a hold of his hand, not that he'd complain for one second about it.

"sorry it's not as fancy as your many mclarens," y/n laughs as the two get in the small car.

"it suits you," lando smiles, sending a shiver down y/n's spine.

the continue continue talking on the way to y/n's apartment. the conversation flowing from lando's hobbies, to y/n's least favorite food, and to what they like to do on their free time.

"it might be a bit messy," y/n states as she unlocks the door.

lando looks around after stepping inside. the walls of the living room are decorated just as he imagined, colorful yet collected. everything went together.

"are you hungry? or just tired?" y/n asks.

"i'm insanely jet lagged, but was worth it staying up to see you perform again," he smiled, watching as a blush made it ways to y/n's cheeks.

"are you okay with the couch?"

lando nods, watching the girl get two blankets and a pillow from somewhere in a room down the hallway. lando guessed it was from her own room.

y/n now noticed lando was still wearing jeans, knowing their not the most comfortable item to sleep in.

after finding a pair of extra large sweatpants and a larger shirt for lando, the two exchanged goodnight. y/n closed her door as she heard the netflix app loading on her living room tv.

what both y/n and lando weren't aware of, is how they couldn't get the other out of their heads.

lando thought about how close he and y/n have gotten in the past month. he only wanted to know more about her.

y/n was in the same boat in her room, as she kept tossing and turning, messing up her sheets more and more. of course she would admit she likes lando, just never to his face.

she loved when he was around, and only wished he was around whenever the two were apart.

five minutes pass as y/n's done contemplating about the ordeal. 'now or never' she tells herself while getting out of her bed. she takes a deep breath before opening her bedroom door.

"lan?"

lando was stood in front of her, equally as startled. she notices his hand raised slightly, she could only guess he was going to knock on her door.

lando's gaze flickers between y/n's eyes, before silently pulling her face towards his. her hands immediately fall to his waist while their lips collide.

he simply pushes forward, guiding them into her room as the kiss only grows more heated.

y/n moans into lando's mouth as his teeth graze her bottom lip. the two's lips stay connected as y/n's legs hit her bed.

their heavy panted breaths mix as y/n brings lando's shirt over his head. she can't help but stare at his toned body, blushing as he catches her in the act.

lando helps her lean back onto her bed, kissing down her exposed neck, his pants growing tighter at the feeling of her fingers gripping onto his curls.

"lan," y/n mumbles, "lando," she calls again.

he looks down at her, his pupils wide and breathing jagged. "yeah?"

"do you want this? like really want this?" y/n asks, not wanting to force anything on him.

lando quickly nods, "y/n i've never been more sure of anything."

he leans down to kiss her, this one being slower than before. a silent agreement between the two, both knowing how they needed this.

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i-heart-hxh · 10 months ago

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does ikalgo have deeper significance to killua's character? i get that hes like a new friend for killua but why does it feel like he was portrayed so importantly to killua's character during caa? its like theres a deeper meaning, why did killua go out his way just to save ikalgo from those two chimera ants when they entered the building? and why did he look so hesitant? he had thoughts that said "what am i doing..? why the hell am i going the opposite direction?" or something like that. idk it just feels like togashi was implying something abt killua there but i cant figure out what that is. do u have an idea?

Hello! This is a great question!

Ikalgo's friendship with Killua is vital both to Killua's development and also to Chimera Ant arc as a whole! I can explain that significance.

Throughout much of the series, Killua tags along with Gon and primarily focuses on him. He befriends other people, certainly, but he generally does this through Gon--it's not like he's going out of his way to make these friends on his own.

In Chimera Ant Arc, the connection between Gon and Killua gets somewhat disrupted by the events that happen, and Gon's focus shifts primarily to saving Kite and his revenge on Pitou, leaving Killua to worry and feel somewhat left behind and helpless (partly as a result of the the Palm situation as well).

When Killua splits off from Gon to try and save civilians, he meets and a battles an enemy at the time, Ikalgo.

During their fight, Killua gives Ikalgo a choice: Either sell out his friends by revealing their nen powers, or die. Ikalgo chooses to die rather than betraying his friends, and Killua is able to relate to this loyalty. He spare's Ikalgo's life and tells Ikalgo that if they'd met another way, maybe they could have been friends.

Killua's kindness in empathizing with Ikalgo and sparing him is the only thing that saves his life later when he's bleeding out from the needlefish darts. Had Killua not extended that mercy and said those kind words to Ikalgo, Ikalgo would not have saved him, and he would have died.

It's interesting/neat how the scene right after Ikalgo saving Killua from the needlefish involves Gon having his own encounter with another friendly Chimera Ant, and the tone of their conversation is quite a bit different:

Contrast is so important in Chimera Ant Arc!

Anyway, when Killua shows Ikalgo mercy, makes it clear that they're friends now, and invites him to come along and be part of the human side of the war, he essentially becomes to Ikalgo what Gon has been to him: Someone who represents light, and who represents a path forward to a better life. In this arc, Killua worries that he doesn't deserve a place at Gon's side, but at the same time here he extends the same kind of light and hope that Gon gave him to someone else.

As for the scene where Killua breaks off away from Gon in the Palace Invasion in order to protect Ikalgo, this continues to show Killua's world expanding outside of Gon. Notice how in this page, it clearly shows Killua leaving Gon behind--they have their backs to each other, which is a frequent image in this arc. His mission was to protect Gon and make sure Gon could complete his revenge against Pitou, so deviating from that mission is both shocking to him, and potentially dangerous, but it shows that he's starting to protect and care for others as well as Gon.

Now, I want to be clear that I see this as a positive step for Killua. At this point in the series, Killua had made Gon his entire reason for living, essentially, and him going outside of that and making other friends and protecting and caring about them is a vital step for his character. It's showing that he's becoming a more expansive, mature person who can care for multiple people (or ants) at once rather than centering his entire existence and sense of self around one person. He made this action as quickly and efficiently as possible so he could get back to Gon's side, but he did go out of his way and leave Gon behind momentarily, and even he is surprised by this.

And while obviously I adore his nearly single-minded love and devotion for Gon, with what happens between them in this arc he needs to have others in his life besides Gon, and it's part of his transition into also being the light for Alluka and Nanika. It's a result of Killua's own innate kindness and empathy and the choice he made to leave his previous life behind, but also, he was able to reach this point partly because Gon showed him the love and encouragement he needed to become the person he is.

Now, as for Ikalgo's role in the arc as a whole: He's part of a chain of kindness and mercy that ends up changing the entire outcome of the Chimera Ant arc. This post puts it incredibly well. The chain of kindness started at the beginning of the series, with Gon befriending and rescuing Killua in spite of his background, which then eventually leads to Killua sparing Ikalgo (who then saves Killua right back), and then Ikalgo sparing Welfin, and then Welfin giving Meruem Komugi's name so that they got to be together in the end. Ikalgo shows the consequences of Killua's kindness, which are also the consequences of Gon's kindness, in part.

A major theme of the series and of Chimera Ant arc is that love and kindness are transformative, and Ikalgo has such an important role in demonstrating that theme.

#hxh #hunter x hunter #ikalgo #killua #gon #welfin #chimera ant arc #killugon #gonkillu #meta #long post #anonymous #my posts

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n0tamused · 7 months ago

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*holds u at gunpoint* dr ratio helping u study for an exam/ quiz. Am i going through an exam rn? Yes. Will it stop me from reading ratio fan fics? No

A/N: *points a second gun at you* better watch where you're going cowboy. And felt this so bad, procrastination is killing me too, but Dr. Ratio fics never fail to make me feel something again, delulu is the solulu but only for a moment. Anyway, anon, hope you enjoy this blurpp, I wish you luck on your exams! <3 Wrote this while procrastinating myself, I gotta lock in tomorrow hhhhhhh

Contents: Dr. Ratio x GN!Reader, can be read as modern au, fluff, possible grammar mistakes (I'm about to pass out)

“Here” A porcelain cup slid your way over the polished wood desk. It was a pretty off-white, rimmed with a golden line and another purple one, thinner than the gold. Tea steamed from within, wafting off the soothing floral smell. You sighed, quickly averting your glance back at the books open before you. There were two books, thick and intimidating, and your open notebook you were reading your scribbly notes from.

Circling around you Veritas’ looming frame cast a shadow over your papers for a moment before he seated himself in the chair next to you, his own cup in hand. “You're still on the same problem as when you started?” He clicks his tongue, nursing a sip of his tea before setting it aside when he appears satisfied. You didn't have it in you to respond, wishing to avoid any form of an outlash, especially taken in the fact you had already told him how you struggled with procrastination for quite a handful of days. He has given his advice, but they failed to make the spark with you last long enough to properly sit and study, and that all caused guilt to claw at your belly from within.

Veritas, on the other hand, didn't seem half as phased as you thought he'd be, at first he didn't even notice how your eyes looked at him in a silent plea for mercy. His amber eyes looked over your notes, at all the scribbles and marked words, letting out a low “hmmm”.

“And tell me, what is it that has you so stumped about this? It's quite an easy equation” he wondered, a little taken aback it was taking you so long on this, yet he had to remind himself that this material was new to you, unlike him who has seen this material countless times over. You weren't dumb, however, so what is it..?

“I.. don't know... The results I've gotten previously make no sense and they do not match the one the professor got in class. His is the right result, and I don't get how every time I did the problem, I got a different result” you began, voice initially quiet as if begging his ears to become deaf to your words, but your plea went unanswered. His keen eyes regarded you with a strange curiosity, his chin leaning on his hand. Only now did he realize how tense you looked. He blinks at you owlishly, studying your features for a brief moment before turning his gaze back towards the papers. “That is a problem.. Where is the formula your professor used? Do you have his equation as a whole written down here?”

You looked at him and then at the papers, eyes flickering all across the written words and printed text. “I.. I do.. Yes, why?”

A scoff came first, “Why, so I can take a look at it so I can help you. You did ask me to help you, did you not?”, then his large hand picked up the pen you had abandoned on top of your notes, motioning for you to show him the notes. “We can go step by step and then compare the progress to see where your problem lies”

Nodding, you were quick to breeze through the old notes, paper pages fluttering as you went over each one until finally reaching a page so full of equations it made your head hurt. With your finger you point to the one you were currently trying to figure out. “This one.. This is just a copy of what the professor did on the white board.. and this is the formula he used '' you showed him, letting him slide the notebook to his side of the desk when his fingers pinched the corner.

Silence engulfed the room, and for a long while you could only watch as Veritas’ expression changed from focused, to confused and then to frustrated.

“Are you sure this is what the professor wrote down? This is entirely incorrect. The formula alone is wrong, and the process of his calculations is just abhorrent.. What is this-” he slightly nudged the notebook away from him, offended by its contents, to say the least.

Like a little wet rat, you held your hands together, feeling guilty for all reasons you shouldn’t, a pout playing about your lips as you nodded. “Yes. That is what the professor wrote! One of my colleagues even took a picture at the end of the class since she was too lazy to write it all down herself, so I know for a fact I didn’t copy the notes wrong” you rushed to explain as your eyes glared at the offending problem.

“That is ridiculous” Veritas grumbled as he opened the big math book a few pages back from where you had opened it, searching for the formulas, and pointing towards one he softened his tone. “This formula should have been used in this problem. It is similar, yes, but the functions can’t be any more different from what your.. professor used” looking down at your notes and at the problem afterwards, he sneered, seeing that the formula was used once again in the next equation. “I don’t know what your professor was thinking, but repeating the same mistake twice is beyond ignorant..”

“What..? So..? So he is in the wrong?”

“Yes. Now.. show me the way you did it. And do it with this formula I just showed you” Veritas instructed, his nose scrunched up in disgust, although none of it was directed at you but rather at this person he didn’t even know. Perhaps he should go and meet him, just to see the face of ignorance and negligence in human form.

Following his advice, you did as he asked, working on the problem with Veritas sitting at your side, his eyes occasionally flickering to the remaining problems that would follow this one.

“There… Is this right..?” You pulled back to allow him a better view of your writing, and it didn’t take the brilliant Veritas Ratio too long to check that you were - in fact - right. His face eased slightly from its previous tension, sighing he gave a nod of satisfaction and acknowledgement.

“That’s right. Well done” Veritas says, voice significantly softer as he addresses you, before turning sharper once more. “I knew something was wrong when you got stuck on this for so long. You managed to solve all those problems I gave you yesterday, which are arguably much harder than this and much more complex with extra steps.. Hmph, can’t believe someone didn’t point out this error in your professors work”

Veritas leaned back in his chair, his arms folded over his chest in a comfortable fashion in which he usually sat around you, his whole composure softening, but through and through, it was the Veritas Ratio you always knew. Hope lit up in your eyes at the unraveling of this problem that nearly had you sick to the stomach for this whole day.

“So..I know this?..Does this mean I won’t fail..?

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, of course you won’t! You’ve got me to teach you, and let me be damned if you fail”

A victorious cackle left you as he said so, feeling free of the clutches of madness this exam has put you into, and as to celebrate you all but flung yourself onto Veritas, hugging him.

The sudden embrace surprised him and made him stutter, but his arms were quick to find their place around your body, scoffing, even as he tucked his face into your shoulder.

#-dragon.treasure #Dr. Ratio #Dr ratio x reader #dr ratio fluff #dr ratio x you #dr ratio imagine #dr ratio honkai star rail #veritas ratio #veritas ratio x you #veritas ratio x rader #veritas ratio fluff #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail fluff #fluff #honkai star rail imagine #gn reader

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johnwickb1tsch · 8 months ago

Text

break me, softly

When your ex Jack Traven pays you a late night visit after a tough case, you can’t turn him away. Jack Traven x Fem!Reader ficlet

warnings: smut. angst. brief mention of hostage situation/death. slight inebriation. fluff. ❤❤❤

For @treedaddymcpuffpuff who whispered in my ear "hey you should watch Speed" and sent me down this rabbit hole (i luv u girl, you're our Keanuverse Guide & Tastemaker!) 😘😘😘 and @scarlettspectra who requested some fluff fic 😘😘😘.

It’s late at night, when you hear the soft knock on your apartment door. Usually, you wouldn’t dream of answering such a thing–a woman living alone, in this city? You’re not looking to get murdered. But something, some feeling from deep in your gut, pulls you out of bed. You walk on bare feet in just your nightie and look through the peephole. Nothing.

You know it’s probably a bad idea, but that uneasiness nags at you still. Not that you’re in danger. That someone needs you. You have a sense about that, after so many years as a nurse. Or maybe, you just always have.

You undo the deadbolts and stick your head out, to see the tall figure of a man retreating down the hall.

You would know that backside anywhere. Those broad shoulders, that trim waist, those long legs…and by the way he’s walking, you can tell he’s a little drunk.

“Jack?”

He freezes in his tracks, clearly debating with himself. Probably wondering what the fuck he’s doing here, and if you’ll tell him to go to hell, after the way he pushed you away three months ago after dating for two whole years.

He turns to face you slowly. You can say a lot of things about Officer Jack Traven–but never that he’s a coward.

“Hey, y/n.”

It’s the first time you’ve seen him, since the day he shattered your world when he broke things off with you. It feels about precisely like being punched in the gut. He’s still so handsome it hurts; those soulful dark eyes, cheekbones to make a fashion model weep, a manly-man’s jawline softened by such a full, sweet mouth. Immediately, upon looking at that face you still love so well, you know something is wrong.

“Are you ok?”

He opens his mouth to answer, then closes it. Takes a deep breath, tries again. Nothing. It’s as good as a five page report, to you. To you, who knows his every gesture, his every tell. For all it’s worth, now.

You already knew, in the back of your mind, that you were still in love with this man. It was like a fine buzzing in your heart you’d managed to push into the background of your day to day. But seeing him again makes it all surge up with a vengeance. You know that being near him again will be like feeding your heart through a paper shredder–slowly. You also know that something terrible must have happened at his work, for him to show up here like this, and so you open the door wider, laying your heart on the sacrificial altar, the way you always do.

“Come on,” you say gently, waving him in. “I’ll take care of you.”

He gives so much of himself, always trying to help everyone else in this big, mean, city. You know he forgets to leave a little fuel in the tank for himself. It’s maybe something the two of you have in common.

You watch as he fights a war within himself, teetering on the balls of his feet, undecided between staying or leaving. In the end, he takes a step towards you, then another. You try not to read too much into that. He’s just here because he’s drunk and feeling vulnerable. It doesn’t really have anything to do with you.

You’re not really sure how this will go. Probably he’ll just come sit on your couch with a beer–you still have his favorite in the fridge–and talk a little. Not about what’s actually bothering him. No, heaven forbid. But circular small talk, to get his mind off the bad thing. It’s something you’ve done a thousand times before.

And yet, when you are standing toe to toe, and he has to crane his neck to look down at you–there’s a dark fire in his eyes, and with a little thrill you feel the urge to flee before his big hands engulf the sides of your face, and his mouth is on yours.

Oh. That’s what you’re doing.

You can’t say you forgot what it’s like to kiss Jack Traven–but maybe the intensity of the memory had faded a little, if for anything out of pure self defense. How could a woman keep her sanity, if she remembered how good he was, if she knew she’d never taste him again? You stand on tiptoe to throw your arms around his neck as he devours you, and he easily picks you up with an arm around your waist, walking the two of you back into your apartment and slamming the door shut with his booted heel.

This. This had never been a problem for the two of you. Passion. It was everything else that got in the way. Most of all, his dangerous job, which though it wore on you, you had never complained about. But he’d seen the way you worried about him, the way it absolutely chewed on your nerves when there was a situation on the news and you didn’t know if he would be coming home that night. You’d been willing to weather that storm for him, but the guilt of demanding that of you ate at his conscience.

He’d broken things off with you, in your own hospital, after he’d taken a bullet in the chest and you didn’t leave his side or really even sleep until he came to. I can’t ask you to keep doing this for me. You deserve better.

You’d protested, of course, but he’d made up his mind.

Until now, apparently, where he is walking you backwards towards your bedroom, half carrying you in the ardor of his embrace. You recognize this need for life-affirming intimacy. You’d gotten to know it well, over the years, and you surrender to the storm, letting him take what he needs. Letting him fist the fabric of your cotton nightie in his big hands, drawing it up over your head before falling on you again, pushing your panties down the curves of your bottom and your thighs.

You always marveled that despite his strength and the things he knows how to do with those hands, he never ever hurt you, not even when he was like this, desperate for your softness, frantic to lose himself inside the momentary bliss your body could bring. He barely has the patience to let you pull off his white t-shirt, or to enjoy the swathes of toned flesh beneath. His belt is flung forgotten to the floor from the moment you pull it from its loops and he picks you up by your thighs, walking you the rest of the way to the bed. Boots are kicked away as his mouth is attached to yours, pants and boxers shed with a sharp push.

You might have been embarrassed, by how ready you are for him, how sopping fucking wet you were for him from the moment you saw him, if you could have formed a coherent thought as his thick tip kisses your entrance, before he absolutely plunges himself inside you. The delicious shock of it steals the breath from you, your soul escaping with a moan, only to be reclaimed with his mouth on yours. He takes you like the ocean, relentless and rolling, filling you with every thrust. It’s gratifying, the animalistic sounds of abandon he makes as he fucks you. If you didn’t know any better–you might have swore you were making love, despite his hedonistic frenzy.

The same way you knew something was wrong in the first second of seeing him in the hallway, you know he’s close to finishing already, his breathing frantic in the bend of your neck, his grip just this side of bruising. He seems to remember that he’s done very little to see to your pleasure, amidst the haze of chasing his own gratification. He sits up on trembling elbows, making to reach between you. “Fuck. I’m sorry, baby. You feel so good.” Maybe it’s ridiculous, that it brings tears to your eyes to hear the endearment. You find you don’t even want to cum, as much as you just want to make this haunted man feel better.

“It’s ok,” you pant in answer, catching his hand to place it on your breast. “Cum for me, Jack. I know you need it.”

He buries his face in the bend of your neck; you’re not sure if the sound he makes is a moan or a sob, as he thrusts as deep as he can inside you, bathing your cervix with the hot flood of his seed. He continues to hold on to you as though you are the last sane thing on this earth, and you let him, your legs still wrapped around his narrow hips, your hands smoothing across the muscles of his broad shoulders.

Only much, much later, does it seem to dawn on him what he’s done–and maybe just who he did it with. He draws back to look at you with concern written in those big brown puppy eyes, smoothing your hair away from your face. You can’t help but close your own lids; jesus, how you missed his touch. You feel utterly breakable in that moment, but he’s the one who needs healing right now, so you get your shit together, gather it all back up tight and shove it down in your lockbox of a heart.

Before he can apologize or say something stupid, you pull him down to rest on your breast, the way you’ve done a hundred times before. Surely the muscle memory of it is as comforting for him as the act in the moment itself. “It’s ok, Jack. Just rest. I’ve got you.”

He sags against you, curling that powerful body around yours–and falls asleep.

You were right, of course. Your heart feels exactly like it’s been fed through a grinder, as you hold this beautiful manchild in your arms, your thighs deliciously sticky with his cum. A part of you hopes that he’ll just sneak out in the morning without waking you. It would almost hurt less, than any excuse he’ll have to offer you, when the sun comes streaming through your window.

***

But when next you wake, it’s not to the sun, or the shift of weight on the mattress while a large man tries to slip out without a sound. It’s to wet kisses upon your neck, and an agonizingly gentle touch sliding down your torso, tracing the ladder of your ribcage and the swell of your belly, before making his way up again.

“You know,” he says softly against your cheek, “you really shouldn’t open the door to anyone in the middle of the night.”

You wonder if he can see you rolling your eyes in the dark. But then his lips touch yours, and the urge to argue with him for argument’s sake dissipates into thin air. Instead you opt for honesty, the spell of intimacy not yet broken in the shadows of what must be early early morning.

“I think…I knew it was you.”

He lets out a shuddering sigh, kissing your jaw, then lower.

“Baby…” It feels so good, to hear him say it like that against your skin. You can almost forget it isn’t true anymore. You’re not his baby. You’re not his anything, even though he’s here in your bed, and his big hand is sliding down your belly again, his fingers combing through your curls. “Let me touch you?”

You really should say no.

“You don’t have to.”

He ducks to suck the soft skin of your breast lightly, then kisses it to soothe the burn. That luscious mouth…god it curls your toes. “I want to. I promise you.”

There’s so much you want to ask him. Things like why? And I thought you didn’t love me anymore? You’ve since reasoned that it’s the only way he could truly bear to break things off, the way he did. You certainly hadn’t had the strength to give him up, no matter what the stress of his occupation wreaked on you.

You don’t have the strength to say no. You do manage not to beg, like the needy little thing you are, with his big body curled over yours. You’ve always felt like nothing could touch you, with him by your side. As it turned out the only thing that could hurt you all along, was him.

You nod your assent before catching his mouth, sliding your tongue against his as his thick fingers explore your puffy slit, still wet from both of your juices. He makes a sound in the back of his throat that lifts every hair on your body, a delicious shudder running through your spine. His strong fingers circle your aching clit, just the way he knows drives you wild. Not too hard, not too soft. Fuck, this man has your number still.

You haven’t been with anyone, since the last time you were with him, despite your well-meaning girlfriends dragging you out to bars and trying to get you to forget this man who left your heart shredded like bomb shrapnel. Because deep down, you knew, you just knew this man ruined you, utterly fucking ruined you for anyone else. Who the fuck could compare? Not some asshole hoping for a one night stand down at TJ’s, that was for sure.

You realize you have tears running down your cheeks, you don’t know how it’s possible for it to be so good and hurt so much all at the same time.

Unfortunately when he moves to kiss your cheek, he notices. “Hey, hey,” he says, his hand stilling between your legs, making your hips writhe with frustration. “You ok?”

“No,” you answer honestly, reaching for him. He has you cradled in those big arms, and you can feel his manhood so firm and silky smooth against your hip. You are not ok, without him inside you right now. “Will you make love to me again?”

He pays you a ghost of that usual blinding smile, a thing a woman would sell her soul for, and it just breaks your heart all over again.

He never really answers you with words. The two of you move with pure magnetism, your leg hooking over his hip, pulling him close, inviting him inside. Without a condom, again, you think as he settles between your thighs, sinking inside you so smoothly. Maybe not smart, even though you're on birth control, but it’s the way you’re meant to be together, raw and no barriers between you. As usual, he fucks you and makes love to you all at the same time, looking into your soul while he does it, and it’s the best thing you’ve ever known. This time you cum together, and maybe it’s a little pathetic, the way you cling to each other in the darkness of your bedroom, like you really can stave off the misery of the outside world with this bit of human intimacy, your bodies inextricably entwined.

You fall asleep together, this time with your head on his chest, and as you drift you decide you’ll wake up and make him breakfast, and you won’t ask him any painful questions about what this means or if he wants you back, or if this is just a comfort fuck and you won’t see him again until the weight of the world gets too much–or maybe never, because this man is bound to find someone to settle down with. Someone he can’t bring himself to let go, the way he did you.

So you are so surprised, when you wake up, and you smell eggs and bacon and something sweet cooking. You stumble into the kitchen to find him in his blue plaid boxers, flipping a pancake, singing under his breath to R.E.M. on the radio playing low. He’s so beautiful it hurts, and it’s like your heart is gripped in an unforgiving fist.

He turns to see you in the doorway and offers you a smile. It’s still not quite the usual 100 watt Jack Traven special–he’s not feeling well enough for that. This man hides nothing, he’s so true, he wears it all on his sleeve for you. You love that so much about him, and it hurts like a knife between the ribs.

“Hey.”

“Hungry?”

“Yeah.”

You shouldn’t feel so shy about walking into your own kitchen.

But you aren’t sure where you stand. Do you kiss him, hug him, the way you want to, the way you used to? Or are you operating under one-night-stand-protocol? Play it cool, act like you barely even like the guy? It’s so fucked up, and you never wanted to be in this position again.

Sensing your hesitance, he crosses the floor to you, engulfing the side of your face in his big hand as he kisses you good morning, like nothing ever changed. “Hey,” he says again, his forehead pressed to yours.

“Jack.”

“Yeah, baby.”

You told yourself you weren’t going to ask painful questions. Remember? Remember that? So you just sigh, and close your eyes, and absorb this moment for what it is. “Do you feel better?” you ask. Another important question.

“Yes and no.”

You sigh again through your nose. The corners of his mouth twitch, because he knows you so well, and that one little gesture conveys a novel to him too.

“Thank you,” he says, for last night, and whatever else, you don’t really know.

“Any time.” You mean it, when you say it.

“Yeah?” There is a hint of his usual sparkle in his eyes as he asks this. And a part of you wants to pick a fight, to say I’m not the one who left. But maybe you have grown up a little, because you bite your tongue for now.

“Yeah.” You reach up to touch his hair, the soft spikes of his buzzcut like velvet beneath your fingers. You know he would have beautiful hair if he grew it out. You’d seen his high-school pictures. He had the potential for hair to make a grown woman weep.

Later, with your mouth full of pancake, you ask gently, “Do you want to talk about it?”

He flexes his jaw, looking out the window. He always bottled things up, before. He didn’t want to burden you with the hard things he saw at work. You didn’t want him to carry it alone. Usually you had to pry it out of him, because of course he refused to see the shrink at work.

You realize you are gobsmack surprised when he actually volunteers, “We had a hostage situation. A woman…died. The bank robber shot her. It was my fault.”

“It wasn’t your fault, sweetheart. It was the criminal’s fault. He brought a gun to a bank with the intention to steal money by any means necessary. You did your best.”

Once upon a time, he would have argued with you on that too. His jaw clenches as he thinks about it, argues with you in his mind, at least.

But this time in the end, he closes his eyes, nods. Reaches for your hand across the table. You take it, holding on to him. Those warm, strong fingers wrapped around yours feel like home, and you try not to start crying because you’ve missed him so much.

“Y/n…?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry. For pushing you away.”

Once upon a time, you would have said something inane, like that’s ok. You’ve grown as a person too, and this time, you nod, because he does owe you an apology. “Thanks for that.”

“I know…I don’t deserve it. But maybe…if you’d let me…I could make it up to you?”

You close your eyes at hearing that, light headed. You might have fallen out of your chair, if not for his hand anchoring you.

“I would like that,” you admit, giving yourself points for not sounding too pathetic, and crawling across the table through the breakfast dishes to sit in his lap.

Then, he does flash you the 1000 watt Jack Traven smile, and the circuits in your brain melt.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, you big idiot.” You’re really not sure if he pulls you, or if you get up and walk, but you find yourself in his lap with your lips on his, his strong arms wrapped around you and his lips on yours. He rocks you like a child, smiling against your mouth between stealing kisses.

“I love you.”

You feel as though the desert of your heart has suddenly undergone a superbloom, the ferocity of your love making you lightheaded.

“Jack…”

“Yeah?” He really is smiling now, in between kissing you, cute little snatches of sweetness all over your face. With hands on his cheeks you catch his lips, smiling against his mouth after a long smooch.

“I love you too. But if you ever break up with me for any reason other than you don’t love me anymore, I might maim you.”

This wins you that radiant smile that curls your toes again. “So much for the Florence Nightingale oath.”

“Leave her out of it, this is between you and me.” He chuckles, and squeezes you again in his big arms.

“Alright. Consider me warned.”

“Good.”

His big hand runs up your thigh, that dark sparkle in his eyes that never fails to take your breath away. “I feel like I should start that making up I have to do here.” Suddenly you find yourself seated on your kitchen table, Jack smiling up at you from between your legs. He reaches for the syrup, and you can’t help but throw your head back with laughter, certain he’s teasing you. “You are going to make such a mess!”

“Honey, you’re the one going to be making the mess.” He has the nerve to smirk up at you before stealing your panties, and smearing syrup up your thighs.

#jack traven #jack traven x you #jack traven x y/n #jack traven x reader #keanu reeves #keanu reeves x reader #speed #keanuverse #speed 1994

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blue-jisungs · 10 months ago

Text

SO BEAUTIFUL

author's note. can u tell what i was hyperfixation on when i wrote this?! a cookie for those who answer correctly (emoji) btw this song is one of my faves when it comes to ian :( right after violet crazy and scaredy cat.......... however his whole discography is just mindblowing so its hard to have a 1 fav song ngl <//3

summary. idk man just whipped prince!joshua ...

genre. atla-ish !! its not the main plot but there's mention of element benders lolzies, royal setting (prince!joshu, army general!y/n), situationship/non-established relationship between them

warnings. blood, wounds (kinda descriptive, im sorry), fighting, mention of war and killing people (i mean yn is in army so....), cursing, one suggestive joke but i mean,, it was there like... it was stronger than me..., not a warning but emphasis on fem reader, yn kinda has a breakdown :(

word count. 3878

joshua ran his hand through his hair, letting out a small sigh. he was reading a book but his mind seemed unable to focus as the words and sentences didn’t make sense in his head.

“you’ve been reading this one single page for ten minutes now, your highness” he heard seungkwan’s teasing voice and just looked up at his friend.

“i’m aware of that, seungkwan” joshua mumbled and put the bookmark between the pages, leaving the item on a small table.

he bit his lip and looked outside the window, the sight of mountains bringing him some peace.

joshua’s mind was uneasy due to the late return of his army. and his absence at the battlefield.

the news of victory brought by his right hand and good friend, minghao, definitely caused him to sleep better. but before that, there had been weeks of days filled with stress and anxiety. and now, for unknown reasons the army’s arrival was postponed – and there was no message.

“i’m sure general l/n has everything under control” seungkwan’s voice brought joshua back to reality and he subconsciously smiled upon hearing your last name.

maybe that was the reason why he was constant concern. he was worried about you. no, it wasn’t like he doubted your fighting abilities it’s just… anything could happen on the battle ground. besides, you weren’t a bender. obviously, every caring prince would be worried about his subordinates. the matter was that it was your first serious battle all alone. usually he was there too. or at least seungcheol, who was his father’s military advisor – also very skilled in combat. but due to his injury and the medics sharp warning he wasn’t able to go.

joshua sighed quietly and stood up, lazily walking up to his balcony. the cold air hugged his face, a refreshing breeze filling his lungs.

another cause of his stress was… well, you’re a woman. it’s not like women don’t hold high positions in society and are well respected in the water kingdom but… army was mostly men. who knew if any of the soldiers didn’t cause you trouble.

“i don’t think that the ball is a good idea…” joshua mumbled, tracing shapes on the marble railing.

“whether you like it or not, your mother had already decided. majority of our alliances arrived” seungkwan shrugged and turned around upon the sound of knocking. joshua looked through his shoulder, expectant.

it was minghao.

it must have been good news since he was shining.

“they’re here”

before the prince could pass him in the door, minghao cleared his throat.

“y/n is resting though”

joshua stopped in his tracks, not even realising there's a smile that appeared – dropped now slowly.

“is she hurt?” he asked, worry in his voice. seungkwan closed the balcony door and joined the water kingdom’s prince's side.

“no, no. not as far as i know. she’s just exhausted and needs to prepare for the ball. and the paper work, losses and such… it’d be better if you didn’t bother her” minghao suggested softly. “wonwoo is to your disposal though”

wonwoo, the lieutenant general. that’s fine, he’ll just ask about you.

joshua nodded and left in silence. seungkwan and minghao exchanged playful looks.

joshua could not sit still. his mother sent him numerous looks but his eyes weren’t focused at her at all. he scanned the crowd in search of you.

his mother was oh so kind to postpone the ball to the next day, letting the soldiers rest. as he noticed, most of them made it. you surely would be here too, right? you were the general after all.

then it struck him like thunder.

there you were, in the midst of people. a flowy, light blue dress on your body gently falling onto the floor. he knew you got the access to the best sewers in the kingdom but this time… your dress really reminded him of water. maybe it was the silver linings in it? or just the lightness of the fabric? either way, you looked angelic. and with your hair loose, falling like waterfalls on your shoulders.

as the great warrior you were, you sensed his gaze on you. sending him a small smile, looking from above your companion’s shoulder, joshua sighed dreamily.

your lips moved and then you walked past the man you talked to, stepping directly into joshua’s direction. he cleared his throat, his sight on you.

“my queen” you hummed and bowed gently to his mother first, then you held eye contact with him with another bow “my prince”

“general l/n, you’re truly the shining star of our army. we’ve heard the tales and i must say, i admire your vigour and dedication” his mother said. you bowed again.

“thank you, my queen. i’m proud i can serve our country” you nodded, smiling gently. joshua adored your face, not being able to get enough of it. especially after your three-months long absence.

“mother if you don’t mind, you’ll hear the stories later. now i’m going to kidnap general l/n for a minute”

before you knew it, his hand tenderly interlocked with yours as he lead you to the dance floor. landing in the middle, below the silver chandelier that lit up your face in the prettiest ways possible, the prince placed a feather-light kiss atop of your hand.

the music started, the royal sounds of cello and violins ripping through air; joshua led the dance, his ebony eyes scanning your face. his features were overtaken by the look of how much he missed you, you could tell it by his eyes only. the soft curve of his smile made your heart melt, fingers brushing against his neck.

“so beautiful” he hummed deeply, heart almost aching with joy. why was it like this? he thought he thought it through but now he was just confused; why does his heart hurt when you’re finally within his reach?

”so, so beautiful” joshua repeated, daring to glance at your lips “i missed you dearly”

you huffed, letting him sway to the rhythm of music. because he was an excellent water bender, he was one with the flow – whether it was his element or music. he guided you through the sounds of instruments, which made you emotional. hearing the sound of them after months away from your homeland…

“aren’t you tired? are you fine?” joshua asked, care in his voice. he had you so close yet so far. in his arms but unable to caress your cheek or kiss your lips.

you shook your head, scanning his face. maybe you missed him too, after all.

“i’m perfectly fine now” you whispered and his look was more expressive than words; he understood what you meant: you missed him too.

the melody came to a halt and it was like a string snapped in front of your eyes, the sudden sound of chatter making you go back to reality.

“i’m sure there’s plenty of young ladies willing to dance with you. i shall not keep you busy” you said. joshua opened his mouth, protesting.

“let’s take a trip down a darker place, the garden has really improved when you were absent” he almost whined, begging with his eyes so you’d spare him even a mere moment alone.

suddenly, wonwoo approached you. he leaned in to whisper something in your ear, concern on his face. you nodded, features getting colder than snow blasting in the harshest of winters. he knew that look, it meant trouble; it meant an approaching threat.

“i’d be more than willing to. however, there happened to be an urgent matter that needs to be taken care of. i…” you hesitated and sent a look to wonwoo. he understood since he left right away. only then quiet words left your mouth “i’ll meet you in your chamber later, shu”

his heart skipped a beat, nodding. his eyes followed your figure, finally at peace that you’re back.

an outsider would never think that you’re a general, one of the skillest people in the kingdom when it came to combat. whilst being a non-bender, which was quite impressive. you were just so… flowy, glowing and gentle. oh, gentle you truly were…

“...the fuck you mean we had a tail?” you hissed, poking wonwoo’s chest and then taking a deep sigh “well fuck me, that’s just fucking great!”

“i bet your highness would want to do that” wonwoo cleared his throat, your hand slapping his arm in an instant.

“lieutenant general jeon, i ask you to behave accordingly to the situation. there is a risk of coup, the life of the royal bloodline is on the line and you dare to make a joke?” you said coldly, making wonwoo shiver. then, you suddenly snickered “i do admire your timing though. and now tell me more”

you and wonwoo were close, it’s not like it was out of his manner to joke like this. but the fact that there might be a spy in the castle right now…

“chan came across the traces and him and others made an assumption we’re followed by an fire nation soldier who survived the battle” wonwoo gave you the details.

your light dress rustled on the late afternoon wind, breeze running through its fabric. you closed our eyes, fingers tightening on the marble railing of a terrace.

there were two choices in this situation: announce there might be a spy and transport the royal family into a guarded place, which may result in panic and rumours spreading (including those about your incompetence). however, the spy might run off or give in. the second option: stay silent and don’t let anyone suspect a thing, take care of the spy with your own hands. risks: people getting hurt, especially the king or queen. or prince.

“do we know where they might be now?” you asked, looking through your shoulder at the crowded ballroom. chatter, dancing, music… people living to the fullest. and joshua being there too.

“we do have suspicions that they might be nearby, we found some traces near your… your, um, house” wonwoo answered, your eyes shifting.

“so they want me, huh?” you sighed. that was far better than the royals getting hurt. staring at the sunset, a wide palette of oranges and yellows melting into one, you nodded. “inform the guards, keep an eye on any suspicious activity. i’ll go check if they’re still around my place. report immediately if anything happens”

“yes, general” wonwoo saluted and walked away, feeling the breath of urgency on his neck.

adoring the sunset for a little longer, watching it morph into a navy night sky; you decided to go before it got too dark.

joshua was walking around his chamber, footsteps echoing due to the largeness of it. it was past midnight, almost 6 hours since you left the ballroom… did you change your mind? you didn’t want to come?

he let out a deep sigh, plopping on his bed and staring at the book he was reading.

joshua was a prince and enjoyed literature, he has read countless and countless books and genres. he especially found an interest in old romance but all of them had a similar scheme when it came to relationships: the woman was the one to be head over heels whipped for the guy. she’d blush when someone mentioned his name, she’d miss him dearly when he’s on his adventurous voyages, she’d dream of him even in her sleep. he never read a book with an opposite order of things. and yet… here he was, waiting for you like a lost puppy. while his heart sought after you, his mind was worried about your wellbeing during your army shenanigans, he longed to hear, see or touch you even for a mere moment longer.

huffing like an displeased child, he laid on the bed. if you come, you come. and he’ll be asleep. that way, you’ll know he doesn’t cares that deeply—

knock knock. knock knock knock knock.

joshua frowned, sitting up. it could be you but… it wasn’t your usual knock.

the door opened with a quiet creak. you were leaning against the doorframe , upper body leaning forward with hair falling on your face.

“took you long enough” joshua mumbled and stood up, when you suddenly started sliding down the doorframe lifelessly. he ran up to you, kneeling down and grabbing your hands. frighteningly cold hands “what’s wrong?”

his voice remained strong unlike his heart. you gathered all your willpower and raised your head, fighting the dropping eyelids.

“my back…” you croaked out, leaning forward but only ending up in his embrace.

he did not image your reunion like that.

joshua gently moved his hands to your back and his fingers met with something… sticky…? the flowy material of your dress was ripped, the warmth of the liquid contrasting with the low temperature of your body.

“y/n, what happened?” he asked, voice stern yet revealing a hint of worry.

“i’ll explain later just… help me, shu. please” you breathed out, the air tickling his neck. joshua gulped, his adam’s apple bobbing, and he grabbed you in bridal style.

placing you on his queen sized bed, rolling gently to the side, his mind was racing with thoughts. what happened? were you attacked? was it a fresh wound?

“i’ll rip the dress, only on the back. i apologize, ill buy you thousands of new ones just… breathe for me, alright?” he stuttered, putting on some light.

only then his eyes saw how serious was your wound. he took a sharp inhale, throat going dry.

there was a deep wound going across your back, left arm to almost the side of your right hip. it looked like a sword left such a mark.

joshua quickly opened the handy tap he had in his chamber and didn’t bother to pour it into bowl.

he bent water straight from the tap, focusing deeply. trying to connect with his inner peace and energy but his rapid heartbeat seemed to disturb him too much.

“focus, jisoo” he grunted to himself, slender fingers shaking “y/n, talk to me. you need to stay conscious”

“won’t talking take my oxygen that i desperately need–” you started.

“yeah, you’re right. be quiet” he scoffed, trying to light up the mood. then he moved his hands slowly from the beginning to your wound to the end of it. very slowly, surely. still like water, his palms flat but fingers directing the stream of liquid. you groaned, curling your back.

it wasn’t the first time joshua was patching you up but it definitely was the first time he knew it’s dead serious… and seeing you in such pain.

another thing was that at the back of his mind there was a sprouting thought that he won’t be able to close the wound completely. not with his heart all over the place.

joshua took a deep breath, focusing on the element flowing through his body. not on you… in pain… bleeding out on his bed…

“’m sorry”

at first, he didn’t hear it. only when he heard a sob, he realized that it’s you.

“hey, no. don’t apologize, that’s an order. it’s a deep wound, i know it hurts but im trying my best and we’ll talk it out later.

inch by inch, millimetre by millimetre, thanks to his healing abilities your skin started clasping the wound. he wasn’t sure which technique to use – layer by layer or pieces at once but the crimson liquid pouring out of your pale back made him chose the first one. which will lead to leaving a scar.

joshua began to feel worn out, despite all the hours of training that prepared him for such situations. but he knew that if he stopped now, you could die.

“shu…” you mumbled, shaking like a leaf. your voice was quiet, weak. he felt time slipping through his fingers.

brows knitting, sweat dripping down his temple, joshua shook his head. despite strength leaving him, he promised himself to restore as much as possible.

you looked through your arm, pearly tears shimmering in the moonlight. joshua’s heart ached, as if someone put a needle right through it.

“i know, i’m sorry but i beg, a few more minutes…” he croaked, feeling lightheaded.

“you’re exhausting yourself, stop it” a whisper escaped your lips “shu, please”

“no, you need to live” he grunted. you frowned and tried to sit up, causing him to gasp “are you insane?”

“give me the bandage and go call the medics. i don’t want you to pass out” you ordered, reaching for his hand.

joshua put the last ounces of water and energy into your body, leaning to close the tap. then, he dug in one of his drawers.

you were still bleeding but far less than when you barged in. he handed you the material and wiped the tears, sweat and blood off your face.

“i’ve got this now. go get some help, please” you sent him a weak smile.

joshua cursed mentally and left quickly. you were probably right.

once he was back with jun, jihoon and seokmin, they took care of you. the oldest one gave you some herbs that would put you to sleep as they worked on your wound. joshua insisted that it all took place inside his chamber.

they were done around 3am, leaving you two alone. the prince managed to get rid of the blood stained duvet and covered you in a blanket that was on his couch.

them, he laid down next to you. the moonlight shone on your pale face, parted lips making an escape for soft snores. your chest was rising up and down a lot more calmly, joshua could feel your energy being more vivid that before. it was stable now, like a steam of water in the woods rather than dried out lake.

“you always have to cause some trouble, huh?” he scoffed and reached his hand out, caressing your cheek gently. even in deep slumber after getting hurt you were so beautiful.

he noticed your brows furrowing and fingers twitching. your breathing sped up, yet you remained asleep. joshua observed you cautiously.

“no… don’t… don’t kill him” you mumbled, shifting in your sleep. his eyes widened, realizing you’re having a nightmare “anyone but… but my shu”

joshua’s heart melted on spot, pleasant warmth flooding his insides.

“you can’t even get a rest, can you?” he huffed and shuffled closer, guiding your head onto his chest. you instantly nuzzled closer, arms instinctively wrapping around his body.

with an uneasy mind, he caressed your hair. your breathing calmed down so he wondered if the nightmare went away.

joshua stuck his gaze into the open window, unable to relax. stars barely shone on the navy horizon, covered by clouds. it seemed like the sky couldn’t sleep either.

upon stirring awake you instantly knew (even without opening your eyes) that you’re in joshua’s bed. it was much more softer than your bed but above all, it had the comfort. you felt warm and secure; cozy in his hold. joshua had his arm wrapped around you, fingers tracing shapes on your skin.

peeking an eye open you noticed he’s holding a book with his other hand, eyes tracking the text.

you wanted to stay like this forever.

then, a stinging pain ran through your back and you trembled, causing him to shift his worried gaze at you. he gasped softly.

“you’re awake” joshua hummed and leaned closer, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead.

you melted because of the gesture, nuzzling further into his neck.

“how do you feel?” he asked, worry in his voice.

“better, much better. thank you, shu. i apologize for the mess i made” you mumbled, resting his palm on his chest. he put his hand over it, caressing your skin.

joshua missed this so much. he missed you.

silence was hanging between you two, an unspoken question of “what happened?” hanging above your head.

“may i see wound?” he asked suddenly. you nodded, your hair tickling his skin.

he helped you sit straight and handed you one of his sleeping cloth to cover the front of your body.

joshua gently moved your hair from your back, his fingertips ghosting over your skin. goosebumps covered your arms.

“you know… you always say i’m so beautiful” you started quietly. joshua hummed in acknowledgment to let you know that he’s listening. then, he shuffled something closer and put it on the bed “but i’m not. i’m so ugly, joshua. my soul is ugly”

“that is not true, y/n” he protested sternly as his delicate fingers worked on removing the bandage. his touches were soft, almost as if he was afraid to touch you.

“i’m a soldier, shu. i hurt people. and yesterday… there was a spy. he sneaked up on me, threatened to kill you. and that triggered me i just… couldn’t bare that thought. and i saw red… he used my distraction and tripped me, slicing in the back” you stuttered, throat going dry “i’m a failure. i almost let him escape, your life was at risk and i couldn’t control my emotions…”

his movement halted for a while, the quietness od the room making your soft pants sound much more louder than you’d like to.

“you are not a failure. you had led our army to victory, several times” joshua resumed and you felt the calming stream of water. then, you felt a soothing sensation spreading over your wound.

joshua was bending to recover your wound, or at least make it heal quicker and more effectively.

“yeah but… i’m a bad person” you mumbled, playing with your fingers.

he stopped bending and put a new bandage over your wound, it still not being clasped fully.

joshua patted your arm and you put his shirt on, turning around.

“you know why i always say you’re so beautiful?” joshua asked and once you faced him, he grabbed your chin gently “obviously i mean your looks too but above all, i treasure your soul. you’re such a pure, dedicated human”

you swallowed, his soft features warming your heart.

“this situation must have made you feel upset and not worthy but you’re so appreciated. my your subordinates, friends… by me. as much as i admire your readiness to sacrifice for me but please, i beg, don’t do it next time” joshua hummed, his thumb moving in soothing manner “i’d rather die myself than live without you”

“don’t say that” you scoffed, shaking your head gently “our country needs a leader”

“and i need you” joshua replied, moving his hands to cup your face “please, y/n. you’re so precious to me… so–“

“if you say beautiful i’ll smack you” you let out a laugh and he couldn’t help but share a smile.

“but it’s true” he grinned and closed the gap between you two, lips crashing on yours. you shared a passionate kiss, a one that lovers after reunion share.

but truth be told, you were like all those lovers in old tales.

and maybe this time, there’s going to be a flawless ending: making it official.

main masterlist | event masterlist

taglist. @mirxzii ,, @primoppang ,, @l3visbby ,, @nicholasluvbot ,, @planetkiimchi ,, @weird-bookworm ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @dazzlingligth ,, @eternalgyuuu ,, @rubywonu ,, @haecien ,, @mine-gyu

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ohcorny · 9 months ago

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hey corny. so i always see people recommending to outline their story before starting it, but could you talk a little bit more about what that means? what is an outline and how do you structure one? how long are the ones you write, depending on the project? do you focus on plot beats or feelings? how specific do you get? can u recommend any readings for learning more?

up front i don't have any resources for this, only experience. and outlines feel like one of those things where it's like... there are a million ways to do it and the way that works for me might not work for you. i have a friend who writes out all his ideas on index cards and that, for me, is insane. but he's also a better writer than me so who can say what is right or wrong.

anyway an outline is essentially a sketch but for a story. you go through the whole thing, start to finish, and figure out what goes where and what happens when. the idea is that this is the stage where you work out all the big picture stuff and make sure it all fits together, now, and not after you've drawn twenty pages and suddenly go "wait shit that doesn't work" and have to do it over. it is much easier to delete and rewrite a paragraph than to redraw several pages.

doing anything more, ie including dialogue or feelings, depends entirely on how useful that information is to you at that point in the process and whether the purpose of the outline is for your own guidance, or so somebody else can tell what you're trying to achieve.

this got really long with multiple examples

here is an excerpt from the original outline i used to pitch Hunger's Bite to publishers. this one had to be polished to a professional standard, because somebody else was going to read it and decide whether they wanted to give me thousands of dollars to tell this story. (also several of the details are no longer accurate. for instance it now takes place 9 years earlier lmao)

this paragraph represents the first eight pages of the book. the final book is 264 pages long, and the outline was 12 pages of paragraphs as dense as this one.

it establishes where we are, who's there, and what they're doing. i describe their conversation, but i don't commit to the dialogue. i will occasionally include snippets of literal dialogue, but usually only if it's Important Dialogue, or i just don't want to forget a good idea i had while outlining. it's not expected at this step.

an outline written as part of a pitch to a publisher should tell the whole story, with all the important details, and leave nothing ambiguous. they need to know the tone, shape, and the arcs. no secrets! all the spoilers. outlines for yourself should do this too, but outlines for others need to be as clear about your vision as possible. again, an outline like this exists for the purpose of getting you paid thousands of dollars. you should write it like that.

in comparison, here's an excerpt from the outline i wrote for revisions to my WIP prose novel, so i could show it to my agent (who already read the draft) to be like "do these changes sound good?" i'm not selling it to anyone yet, just making a guide so i can have a conversation about it. so it doesn't need to be neat, it just needs to be functional and clear. the first chapter was entirely new stuff. the second bit was just writing down what was already in the chapter that existed.

i have historically been very bad at outlining things when i don't think i "need" to, and only wrote this one after having written like 60k words of the book without any overall plan. i gave what i had to my agent for feedback and then sat down and figured out how i could apply it. it's made the whole revisions process significantly less daunting. now i have a checklist for things i need to do! this one was a paragraph or two for each chapter, with the ones that needed a lot of rewriting given a bit more detail.

lastly, here's a bit of the outline for the first roger crenshaw book. i was the only person who had to see this, and since the story was planned to be very short i didn't have to worry about a whole lot. as long as i knew what was supposed to go where, it would work. honestly it's not a whole lot different from the previous example.

this one was like five paragraphs and it did the job, and this story was like 15k words. you only need as much or as little as will actually help you on the page.

basically if you take nothing else from this, it's that there are multiple ways to write an outline, that it does not need to be perfect if you're doing it for yourself, and that it only needs what you think is important (unless it is for other people. then it should have everything). and also it's a good idea to do it earlier in the project than after you've written 60k words or drawn--jesus christ i got up to 12 chapters in never satisfied? it's amazing i didn't quit sooner

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chrollogy · 5 months ago

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ii. HIS NAME? MIYA ATSUMU

miya atsumu x f!reader

── next: iii. A meeting | series masterlist

synopsis: Somehow, your little drunken one night stand with Atsumu has turned into a big mess overnight after the media discovers it. Now, you’re accused of cheating on Semi Eita, and his fans aren’t too happy about all this.

chapter content warning: pop artist!reader, slight angst, implied alcohol use, semi mention, reader is hungover and a mess, brief mentions of bile, reader is accused of cheating, online hate, atsumu is kinda stupid, not beta read.

word count: 3.2k

notes: divider: cafekitsune. sorry for the wait !! i got caught up in other things cough iwaizumi series cough. hehe but can u tell i had a bit of fun w this chap? :3

A sharp pain abruptly awakened your drunken slumber, as though pulled violently from the serene depths of sleep, a whirlwind of reckless inebriated events rushed to your mind first thing. How cruel, you weren’t even fully sober yet your brain clearly had no qualms reminding you of your stupidity.

Upon peeling your eyes open, you were greeted with darkness, the hazy ceiling spun uncontrollably, and your body ached from head to toe. The low hum of Paris’ streets spilled from the opened window; occasional vehicles, and drunken people navigating through the warmly lit night. The cool, night breeze kissed up your bare body leaving trails of goosebumps behind—now, this really had you sobered up.

The bar. Atsumu. His hotel room.

Oh god. Now, you’ve really done it. You tried to keep a hold of yourself, and scoured your hazy mind to think of what to do next—sleep through it, and deal with it in the morning? Or escape now, and don’t look back? Sure, you weren’t heartless but you were more than confident that Atsumu was on the same page as you regarding this arrangement; in short, this whole thing was just a one night stand, nothing else. So, if you were to leave now, you’d probably never see him again whatsoever—that's that.

Taking a deep breath, you let out a low wince as your head pounded in the rhythm of your heart beat. You slowly sat up, prying yourself off of Atsumu’s weighty arm that rested atop your stomach before rolling off the bed to find your discarded clothes, and hastily put them on without waking up Atsumu.

As you faced the crimson carpet beneath, you heard a faint chime coming from somewhere in the room; you instantly knew it was yours from the familiar tone. After a few minutes of trying to navigate through the carpeted floors on your hands, and knees, you finally found your purse, its leather material cool against your palm. Atsumu’s low snores filled the silence of the room as you opened your bag, and took your phone out.

A surge of bright light blinded your eyes for a split second, making the pounding in your head ten times worse. You cursed under your breath, fingers hastily scrambling to lower down its brightness. Blinking a few times, your eyes finally adjusted to your phone screen, zeroing in on the endless strings of notifications stacked on top of another; your heart picked up its pace.

Oh, this cannot be good.

A lot of it were text messages from your manager, and publicist—a clear sign that something was indeed very, very wrong especially with the amount of missed calls, and pilling messages. Though, the one that caught your eye was a message from Semi which was sent ten minutes ago.

It was as though all blood had been drained from your body, limbs tingling with fear, and chest heaving as you let out heavy pants. You were panicking—well, who wouldn’t be? You could already tell how much of a mess this whole situation was going to be. God, you just wanted to shove yourself under the covers, and leave all this for later but if you were being honest, there wasn’t an ounce of sleep in your body anymore.

With a bated breath, you opened the link Semi sent you, pupils hastily scanning each typed word of the article,

No way. No fucking way. Not only was the article completely incorrect in every aspect but it also accused you of cheating on Semi—you may be stupid at times but never in a million years would you cheat on someone, let alone a person which the media portrayed was your supposed boyfriend.

You’d never even do this to anyone! Why was the media so quick to jump to scandalous conclusions? What benefit did they get for trying to stain your image?

As if it was second nature, you quickly swiped through your homescreen, and opened Twitter which greeted you with a flurry of notifications regarding the scandal. The first tweet to pop up in your timeline was one from Entertainment News captioned with the words you’ve already seen more than enough for the past ten minutes—you, Atsumu, Semi, and cheating. With a shaky thumb, you scrolled down, eyes carefully reading each, and every comment there was under the tweet.

You stared at your screen despite its brightness burning your eyes, gaze locked onto the hate comments meant for you as though your mind was trying to sear it into the very walls of your brain. As expected, most of them were from Semi’s fans since he was made out to be the victim in all this—you couldn’t really blame them for looking out for him but it was just all wrong.

Sure, having a one night stand with a stranger you just met in a Parisian luxury bar wasn’t the smartest thing to do but at the end of the day, celebrity or not, you were just a human after all. Though, the media was never known for its kindness in these situations because you knew this scandal wasn’t only going to affect your future projects but also your present ones—not to mention the image you’ve worked so hard to build over the course of years you’ve been in the industry.

If you were going to be completely honest, you felt absolutely pathetic. The state you were in right now screamed so—sat on the carpeted floors of Atsumu’s hotel room, clothes unruly, head violently pounding, and tears welling in your eyes; not the usual image your fans saw nor anyone else. At this moment, you weren’t Japan’s treasured artist, no, you were just plain old you; the normal human being everyone forgot existed behind the flashing cameras, and fabricated smiles.

Your nails dug into the plush material beneath you, every fibre in your body tingling with pure panic; your mind screamed at you do something, anything just to put an end to this nightmare you’ve started deep down, you knew there was nothing you could really do but take all the bitter jabs, and unnecessary hateful comments.

A million things ran through your mind, it mirrored a storm’s eye—chaotic, swirling with violent winds, and raging azure waters yet not one idea on how to deal with all this formulated.

Calm breaths turned into shallow, rapid ones, heartbeat quickening with every short inhale, and exhale through your parted lips. The early Parisian morning was tranquil yet it felt unnerving, as though everyone was lurking in the shadows, stalking their prey—you—and waiting to pounce at the first sign of fragility.

The silence was deafening. You needed to get out of here as soon as possible—away from Atsumu, away from this damned hotel room; away, away, away as though you were a wanted convict fleeing from a crimson-painted crime scene.

And without looking back, you ran.

You ran, and ran, and ran, articles of clothing messily draped over your sticky body, and hair dancing against the cool morning breeze as your legs carried you through the deserted Parisian streets. Everything was a messy blur, shadowed hues of shops, and buildings alike whirled past with every heavy step taken, ignoring the tight pinch on the apex of your legs. Damn you, Miya Atsumu.

God, you felt absolutely sick, saliva pooled your tongue, all the consumed alcohol from last night nauseatingly making its way back up, and was already leaving an unpleasant taste in your throat—it burned like straight, hot acid, clawing at the lining of your oesophagus hard enough to make you slow down.

In, and out, in, and out, you took several deep breaths to reset yourself; to calm the violent nerves, to push down the bitter bile that lingered in your throat. A light sheen of sweat covered your skin, your mouth felt dry, and your head violently spun. It was funny, the daring contrast between the pleasures of last night, and the horrors of today—a few hours ago, your body felt like it was on cloud nine, now, it was rapidly on its way to rock bottom. Maybe even deeper.

A few more deep breaths, and you were staggering away again until you reached the familiar grandeur building of your booked hotel. The security guard at the entrance warily eyed your inebriated state as you unceremoniously climbed the crimson carpeted steps. With a dip of his chin, he pulled the door open, you could only muster a slurred ‘thank you’ before hastily heading for the elevators.

You closed your eyes, and leaned on the cool metallic wall as it ascended to your floor; somehow, the elevator made you even more nauseous than you already were. It didn’t help how the lights inside were practically bright enough to blind someone. The sound of heavy breaths filled your ears, each inhale, and exhale getting shakier by the minute as the situation dawned on you.

Sure, it didn’t look that bad but for an artist that had led an unproblematic life ‘til now, it was scary; not to mention how some of Semi’s fans quickly saw you as a target with the bull’s eye located right at your heart.

Being a celebrity didn’t necessarily mean all sunshine, and rainbows, you’ve had a fair share of hate, and unsolicited opinions directed your way but those weren’t something you couldn’t handle, being the attention of a heated scandal on the other hand was a different story, especially when the narrative was nowhere near accurate.

Deemed as your country’s pride, this scandal was sure to leave a nasty stain unless you played your cards right. What a headache.

The faint chime of the elevator reached your ears, revealing the long hallway of your floor. Forcing yourself off the wall, you slowly made your way to your room while mindlessly poking around your purse for the keycard.

“Where have you been?! We’ve been trying to get a hold of you!”

Ah. Your manager.

Just the person you wanted to see right now. Not. Her shrill voice echoed throughout the outstretched hallway, it pierced right through your temples, taking your headache up another notch. You really didn’t want to deal with this right now, all you needed was a nice, warm shower, and a much needed sleep, though, the look on her face already hinted that you were in for one hell of a morning.

She looked at your state, dark brown eyes raked your messy figure with a sigh, her shoulders dropping with pity. “Let’s get you inside, yeah? I’ll let you freshen up but we’re going to have to talk this all out.” This was typical of her, firm yet gentle, and caring, something you’ve grown to appreciate in this unforgiving industry.

The least you could do right now was to take as much time as needed to wash up, and look presentable—so you did. You stayed beneath the running water, rethinking your actions, and the whole situation. Despite your innocence in all this, regret settled deep inside your bones, so many what if’s crossed your mind.

If anything, the soft patter of water droplets hitting the ivory tiled shower floor soothed you, heavy steam that fogged up the glass door acted as a barrier from the outside world, leaving you in your own safe space—all bare, and vulnerable. A side no one has seen, no, a side no one needed to see.

After freshening up, you sat on the crimson loveseat with your manager pacing the living room back, and forth, not knowing where she should even start; you bit your lip, patiently waiting for the stern scolding coming your way.

“We—your publicist, and I—have been trying to contact you for hours,” She started. “I know you’re an adult but these kinds of situations always have consequences, and they’re never good ones.”

Before she could continue, you spoke up, “Wait—can you tell me more about him?”

Your manager sighed, hands coming up to massage her temples but nodding nonetheless. “You’re probably already aware that his name is Miya Atsumu. He’s a professional volleyball player signed with MSBY Black Jackals, and plays as their official starting setter—how did you not know about him?!”

“I don’t—I’m not interested in volleyball.” You shrugged.

God, how foolish could you be? A one night stand with a professional volleyball player was certainly not what you expected from this situation. Ah, you knew the physique he donned was for something.

“As I was saying, you still have a reputation to uphold! I’m not going to say I’m disappointed because it’s your own life, and you can do what you want but remember you’re a celebrity—wherever you are, all eyes will be on you whether you like it or not. Now, your publicist has been drafting up an official statement regarding this, so all you have to do right now is lie low, and wait for it to die down.”

Wait for it to die down.

Those were the exact same words they told you months prior during the height of rumours about your supposed relationship with Semi, and look where it got you—up until now, people still believed that you two were in a romantic relationship. In short, waiting for it all to die down was the most foolish thing you’ve heard. It’d work for other instances but not this one, you were determined to clear your name.

But for now, staying inside your hotel room seemed like an excellent idea. You couldn’t really sleep after your manager left, instead, you opted to stay away through the morning to read the official statement. Surprisingly, Atsumu’s statement shortly followed yours (you definitely did not stalk his social media.).

Despite being granted a few more days to tour around the city of love before flying home, the scandal had you confined to your hotel room. Earlier today, your manager had advised you to stay inside via text due to the amount of paparazzis surrounding the area, especially after Atsumu was spotted yesterday leaving his hotel for the airport. You had seen the photos, he donned a pair of sunnies while actively avoiding the cameras, one video even showed the volleyball star being bombarded with a ton of questions.

Doomscrolling. That’s what you were doing instead of exploring the foreign country. It lived up to its name after seeing certain posts that screamed your tarnished reputation,

You could handle a song falling off the charts but for fans to demand a ‘Semi version’ from your duet song with him stung a tad bit—you, and Semi worked on that single day, and night only for certain fans to disregard your hard work, and ask for a version without you. Whatever. Shutting off your phone, you tossed it somewhere on the bed before reaching for the remote, maybe watching some TV would help.

After mindlessly surfing a few channels here, and there, you came across a familiar face—flaxen strands, and honeyed eyes, the same ones you met two days ago. Miya Atsumu. He sat behind a long table decorated with MSBY’s logo which mirrored the raven backdrop behind him, a serious expression painted on his face. You turned up the volume, and sat up from your bed, ivory sheets rustling with your movement; even though you’ve had enough of the whole situation, you were curious as to what Atsumu had to say in all this.

Him being caught up in this heated scandal was something you still have to apologise for, personally.

Atsumu surveyed the crowd of journalists, and photographers before him, they all donned the same hungry, and eager look in their eyes—starving, and impatient for juicy information regarding the scandal. He could already predict the kind of questions they were going to throw his way, after all, he got a fair share of them via social media.

To think Atsumu was getting this much attention might have had him worried for you; he was a man of sports, and was only involved with the media for certain aspects of his career but with you, the media watched your every move.

It gave an icy shiver down his spine.

Clearing his throat, he leaned into the microphone to speak, and as if on cue, the cameras began to flash. “Thank y’all for coming ta this press conference despite a late notice. ‘M here ta formally apologise ta everyone for my reckless acts. On the flight back, I’ve done alotta self reflectin’, and realised how I acted was not a good image for myself, and the team,”

“As mentioned in the official statement released prior, I hope my individual actions don’t reflect the team’s image. Once again, I’m sincerely apologisin’ for tarnishin’ my image.”

A low murmur filled the room as Atsumu finished his formal apology with a dip of his chin. A second passed before the first question of the press conference was thrown his way, “So, you confirm that it was you, and her in those pictures?”

He nodded, not wanting to waste his breath on such a stupid question. If official statements were already released from both parties, wasn’t that enough confirmation that you, and Atsumu were the ones involved? Clearly, some people lacked reading comprehension.

“Were you aware of her relationship with Semi Eita?”

Didn’t your statement also state that there was never a romantic relationship to begin with? Seriously, if these were how dumb Atsumu’s questions were, he could only imagine your end of the stick. It baffled him how the media pushed this narrative so much just so they could shape it into juicy gossip for mere entertainment, though said entertainment also cost your reputation as an artist.

Nonetheless, Atsumu answered with a shake of his head, “No, I wasn’t aware but as far as I’m concerned, there was never a relationship ta begin with.”

“Look, she, and I had a fun night together in Paris. I’m sure if she was in a relationship, she wouldn’t have entertained a conversation with me.”

Atsumu wasn’t going to lie, this was starting to annoy him real bad, he already saw the questions coming but he just couldn’t see why they’re so adamant on your private life, Atsumu even felt bad for this Semi Eita guy, and he didn’t even know who he was. It was clear that these journalists were trying to milk everything out of this situation, especially with a clean-slated artist like you, their articles would surely blow up.

“A fun night as in . . ?” The journalist asked.

Atsumu tilted his head, a small smile painted on his rosy lips, it was anything but innocent, “I’m sure ya, and I know exactly what that means, yeah?” This caused a small chatter amongst the press

His very words spilled from the TV speakers of your hotel room. Speechless. You were absolutely speechless to the point where your jaw unceremoniously hung open for a few seconds. How stupid could he get?! Where the fuck was his PR team? You facepalmed, he practically just added more fuel to the fire after telling the media you two slept with one another. How great.

Miya Atsumu you stupid fucking volleyball player. —

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zhaliacain · 4 months ago

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I have acquired this!

Well this is now my new favourite book. It essentially tells the story of season one with some outtakes and adaptions. Unfortunately some of my favourite episodes and scenes have been redacted but to be fair they had a lot to cover

So far I’ve only read it through google translate (using the camera to read the pages which my brother thinks is witchcraft) so I don’t have an accurate read yet but at some point I’ll sit down and translate it properly so I can read the whole thing at once rather than in batches (curse the shaky hands)

Here’s some of may favourite features I’ve found in my rough reading, I’ll put it under read more because there’s some stuff that either doesn’t line up with the canon or I suppose is a spoiler for some headcanons

A) Otto (Addo) is alive! During the final party after defeating the Professor it’s revealed that Guggenheim managed to get him back from the organisation and he is also there at the party. Zhalia is very relieved to see him and they catch up

B) Zhalia got a leg injury in the final battle, hence leaning on Dante

C) Defoe. During Dante and Griers fight on Sutos, Dante brings up Defoe and is told “the organisation got rid of him” take that as you will

D) you know that conversation Dante and Zhalia are having in the background of Lok and Sophie’s chat after defeating Madea? They’re arguing because Zhalia wants to bond with Madea and Dante won’t let her. I just found that interesting because I thought Zhalia wouldn’t want the Titan that brought up all her past trauma

D.1) little side note, to speed things up, Zhalia defeats Madea all by herself

E) after finding out Dante was NOT mind controlled and her thoughtspectre had worked, Zhalia wanted to hug Dante but didn’t

F) Sophie has keys to Dante’s house (kind of obvious considering they’re there alone all the time but it’s a nice feature)

G) tersely and Montehue give Lok a rare book of Norse mythology as a gift after defeating the professor

H) Montehue hugs everyone during the party and hugs Lok so hard, Dante has to step in

I) Dante describes Zhalia as beautiful

J) I need to check my translation but I think Zhalia’s parents were killed

K) Zhalia: tell me you aren’t lying to save yourself

Dante: I have never lied to you and I never will

Zhalia: klaus is like a father to me, I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it

Dante: I’ll take care of it

L) “a meal worthy of metagolem” is how I’ll be complimenting food from now on

M) rather than all of them touching the crystals to see if they’re pure of heart, just Lok does it and he gets an electric sensation go through his chest

N) to celebrate the whole Thor and mjolnjr thing, Guggenheim takes everyone out to dinner

O) lok was sleeping on Dante’s sofa without permission, he just kind of moved in and Dante gave up

P) Defoe was meant to take the sword of St George to Klaus, who would study it and take it to the professor

Q) oh that whole speech about going to Vienna where Dante changes his mind and takes the team? Nope he just says no and walks out and Leblanche spends the next few days baking treats to cheer them up

R) Loks cover story for his mum and sister was going to be: Sophie is a classmate on the same intensive archeology summer course as him and Dante and Zhalia are assistants to their elderly professor who is sick which is why they’re getting a holiday (the book then skips that episode and it’s unclear whether they didn’t go or whether it’s just not mentioned)

S) Lok asks why Sutos is not under the Greek government and the holotome tells them that it’s a regent based government which is inherited to the first born son

T: Zhalia: klaus taught me everything

Dante: except honesty

(Slightly paraphrased but it just cracks me up)

U) much like most fanfiction, Cherit is forgotten throughout most of it and occasionally gets mentioned

V) Lok: how did you do it?

Sophie: magic.

#huntik #zhalia moon #dante vale #lok lambert #sophie casterwill #huntik secrets and seekers #zhante

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willowser · 1 year ago

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haiii willow!! i was reading through your work (as i usually do when I’m on here) but i wanna know your thoughts on whether young, early 20s bkg - who currently has a thing for reader - would he feel this impending urge of sexual attraction?? i feel like at that point of time he wouldn’t be having much sex, if any at all but ofc reader is beautiful and sweet and gorgeous!! do u think he’d ever have moments where he’s ogling or he’s just back in his bedroom and all he can think are perverted thoughts and he’s like, “fuck.”

i will continue stalking ur page and reblogging so that’s all! love u🩷🩷🩷👼

oh i am smooching you smooching i say, bc i love this scenario it is my freaking bread and butter 😌✨️🩷

i think he definitely would !! not a total clueless virgin, but he's not really feeling it with anyone, and maybe hasn't for a while—if ever. and maybe he's just like, eh i've got more important things going on rn than who i'm having dinner with i hardly have time to have it with myself 🥺

bc i imagine early 20s bakugou very specifically, especially after what's going on in the manga, so i can completely see him being so sidetracked and not even interested in romance—and then you come along 🥺 and i think it would take him a while to get there, honestly, like. he's got you in the back of his mind for a whole year, even. doing his best not to think about it, but every now and then when things are quiet, his mind is wandering until he's thinking about how you wish him a stupid good morning ! every day and always make small talk with him about all kinds of random shit 😒🥺 he resists the idea that you give him butterflies and tries to tell himself you make him sick LOL

but then—something happens. something small, i think, that is such a non-event but it launches you to the forefront of everything, all at once. maybe you say something funny that makes him do his little evil smile or ask him a question and really listen to what he's saying with big beautiful eyes or you wave at him as you pass each other in the hall and kirishima is with him and then turns to him, grinning so fucking wide, and he's like "bro....why're they smiling at you like that ?? 😏😏😏" and that has bakugou thinking to himself.....oh shit........are they smiling at me like that ??? and then he's so totally gutted by the fact that—he wants you. oh man, he wants you so bad. and i've said this before but i think because he tries to fight that feeling for so long, once he finally accepts it, he's like full speed ahead. he opens that door and it's like the floodgates, the dam has broken, he's neck deep the minute he stepped over.

and i really think bakugou's attraction to someone—like his deep, genuine, heart-achy kind of attraction to someone—is based on who you are, and so the more time he spends with you and the more he thinks about you and the more he gets to know you, it just builds and builds and builds LOL and then that sexual attraction comes bull-dozing in, i think. and i love to talk about this but he thinks he's so not a meat-head that thinks with his dick but he definitely catches himself checking you out and is SO MAD LMAOOO

he's also such a—make a plan, make it happen kind of person, so once he decides he can't stand doing nothing, he's trying to figure out how to make you his. and in trying to plan that out, he's going through scenario after scenario, thinking about what differently he could do when he sees you and how you'll respond, imagining it late at night, dreaming about what you'd say and what you'd do.....what that would lead to, eventually AND HE FEELS LIKE SUCH A PERV LMAOOO he's such a dork

god i literally could go on and on about this forever you don't understand akdhfjskkq this is one of my favorite scenarios for him it's just my default thinking state this point LOL hiiiii friend !!! tysm for asking !!! 😌🩷✨️

#i'm unhinged for him sorry #tysm for checking out me things 🥺🥺 for being here with me 🥺🥺🥺#i could talk about THIS FOREVERRRRRR #✿ ask willow #✿ thoughts: bakugou #✿ theme: pre relationship bakugou

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minustwofingers · 2 years ago

Text

exoplanet p.6 (ellie’s journals)

summary: you’ve won the life lottery as one of the few people on earth with parents who gained admittance to the most prestigous safezone in the world after the outbreak. but after a lab accident sends you out to jackson, wyoming, real life hits you fast. it’s a good thing that a hot lesbian finds u. (lol). mean ellie at first, slowburn, enemies to friends to lovers, fem reader asf

warnings: a significantly different writing voice! this is going to be a very different vibe from the other chapters since i had to write it as i imagine ellie would (which is a lot different than i do). slight nsfw content (mdni), language, mentions of violence/gore, angst, ellie’s pov is actually really depressing

a/n: soooo i know it’s been almost 3 months...and i’m really sorry about that! a lot of stuff happened in my life and i kind of fell off writing for quite some time. but i finish series, so i’m going to get through exoplanet in its entirety so i can finally give you all closure. some preliminary notes: know that these are modeled after how i imagine ellie would journal if she did journal this much. canonically she didn’t do that much writing that follows a narrative like it does here. i think it’s honestly a little ooc for her to be emotionally responsible enough to talk out her feelings, but given that there’s no other way to tell her side of the story (save for legit rewriting it from her perspective, which would take another 6 months or so and be horrifically repetitive), i decided to just suck it up and write it. i’m sorry if it sounds awkward, since she definitely doesn’t write in a voice that i have much experience with. the next chapter will be better!

word count: 5.5k

tags~ @intrnetdoll @dazedshoon @lovecaraya @pctcr @sariyaflowr @loser-keiji @prettyplant0 @666findgod @sawaagyapong @rystarkov @buzzybuzzsposts @addisonnie @galacticstxrdust @elliesbabygirl @pinkazelma @ariianelle @lu002 @blairfox04 @sparkleswonderland @elliesflower @muthafuckingstargirl @elliewilliamsissubermommyoml @eviestevie-14 @quicksilversg1rl @guacala @crtcrp @overtrred28

(i haven’t updated this yet bc my tags aren’t working)

a special special SPECIAL thanks to both @roarriita and @elliesflower for being soooo sexy and betaing for me. you both are so wonderful and helped me sm in feeling good enough to post this :)

without further ado, enjoy ellie’s journals!

January 20th, 2038

Today’s been…fucking…

I don’t even know where to start. I don’t get why this sort of shit always happens to me. First it was being bit and somehow surviving. Then it was getting carted off across the country. And now some girl basically falls out of the sky, claiming that she comes from some sort of paradise up North?

I’ll spare the immediate details. I don’t think I’ll forget the basic stuff—her name, the way she looked clutching at her knees in the clearing and shaking. That stupid shirt she had on and that expensive scarf.

I still want to believe that she’s just a liar who happened to get lucky with running into us, but even without Joel vouching for her story, I don’t think I’d ever be able to buy that she’d been living in the same world as us. I’ve never met someone without scars before. I didn’t know that there were people out there who didn’t have marked up arms and faces. Or people without calluses. Did you know that hands can be totally smooth?

Anyway. Tommy says that he’ll try and reach out across the contacts he has. Joel has her living right down the hall from me in the meantime, so now I have to share my bathroom. Hopefully the Terranovan authorities are good at finding people. She takes so fucking long to shower. It’s a wonder the whole compound still has hot water.

[One page of drawings follows: Dina smiling in the snow on her horse, Joel playing his guitar]

January 25th, 2038

Maria says that they’re thinking about breeding Shimmer soon. I know she told me because that means I’ll need to ride another horse for a little until she recovers and I know that we need another generation of foals, but it still made me cringe for Shimmer’s sake. She’s too free-spirited to be a mother. She doesn’t deserve that.

I went stargazing last night. It was pretty. Lots of shooting stars. I ran into the girl while I was coming back from the meadow. She gave me a weird look, and I could tell she wanted to ask me where I’d been but kept her mouth shut. Sometimes I regret dropping off that bag of clothes. I really fucking liked that gray sweatshirt, actually. I’m not even joking. It looks weird to see it on someone else.

[Half a page of drawing follows of the night sky with labeled constellations]

February 5th, 2038

Long time no see. I’ve been pretty busy with patrols and helping Maria with securing the walls. Joel made me try some of that coffee that our new house guest brought. It was just as awful as I remembered, but he seemed happy. So one point for the space girl. I guess.

Dina’s been hanging around more. She just broke up with Jessie (yes, again). She swears that it’s for good this time, but I’m not so sure. She also talks a lot about Y/N and what little detail she’s gathered about her life back in Terranova. I thought teasing her by asking her if she had a crush on Y/N would make her talk less about it, but it just made things worse.

I miss when things were normal.

[One page of drawings follows: one of Shimmer in cross-ties, another of a girl’s face, half-finished with the face scribbled out]

February 12th, 2038

Today I’m sad. I’m in bed with that book about astronomy that Joel nabbed for me on patrol a while ago and there’s a section I wanted to read that’s completely waterlogged. It shouldn't be a surprise. It’s decades old and has survived through an apocalypse. Normally things like this don’t bug me much because I’m so used to it. Half of my Savage Starlight collection is damaged. I don’t think I’ll ever find the first book to actually complete the series, and that’s okay, because I’ve never expected anything more. But now that I know that there’s a world out there where I’d never have problems like this, stuff like this hurts. It’s so stupid. I’m lucky to be alive. Compared to what’s left of the world population, I live a much cushier life than most. But for the first time in a while, I’m wishing for more.

“Greed is the enemy of happiness” is what Maria would say if I ever said this kind of shit out loud. But is it really? Or is it just realizing what life can be?

[Half a page of a drawing of the solar system, with each planet labeled]

February 22nd, 2038

Maria let me pick the sire for Shimmer’s foal. It felt kind of gross, to be honest. I asked Maria if there was any way for Shimmer to choose and I was only sort of joking, but she just laughed anyway and patted my back. I won’t have to worry about finding a new horse for another two seasons or so, she told me. It’ll be weird not having her for a little.

She also told me that there was still no word from anyone who knew anything about Terranova. She said this to me in this placating voice, like she thought that I was going to punch a hole in the wall or something after hearing it. That seems to be common when it comes to people talking about Y/N and me. I don’t know why so many people think I don’t like her staying with us.

I don’t, by the way. Let me be clear. But I mostly feel indifferent about her now. She doesn’t bother me as much anymore, not since she started getting out of the house. I think she might be helping in the gardens, but I’ve never actually asked. We don’t talk a whole ton. I don’t think she likes me all that much.

[A drawing of Shimmer’s head poking over her stall door that takes up one page]

March 2nd, 2038

Today was finally our first nice day of the year. I would’ve enjoyed it more if the bird that lives in the tree outside my window hadn’t blown me out of bed at 4 in the fucking morning. I’m exhausted now. It’s been a long day. Joel says I need to take Y/N out on patrol soon. Why, I have no idea. Maybe he just wants me to actually befriend her or something, and I do nothing but patrols now. He can’t possibly expect her to be a good patrol partner.

Thankfully, I checked the logs when I came back. The route he wants me to cover with her has been the quietest all season. I doubt we’ll run into anything. If we do, I’ll probably be able to handle it. Hopefully.

[Half a page of doodles, mostly of nature and wildlife with the exception of a half-finished doodle of an arm clad in a fabric that drapes like silk and a hand with polished nails]

March 3rd, 2038

Many surprising things were learned today. I can’t believe it’s illegal to be gay in Terranova. Sorry. I shouldn’t laugh. It’s just—out of all the things they could be bothered by, it’s that? Really?

March 12th, 2038

I haven’t been good at journaling recently. I don’t really want to talk about why. You know why.

[Six pages of drawings, with many unfinished doodles of Y/N—including but not limited to her on her horse, her reading on the couch, and one with her sitting in what is a very loose interpretation of a classroom, taking notes]

March 13th, 2038

I will feel more normal tomorrow. Hopefully.

[Two pages of drawings, all of Y/N. One is her bent over a book, the other is her smiling up at you]

March 14th, 2038

I did something really stupid. I think I should probably just document this here so I don’t accidentally drunkenly spill it all out to Dina at the next bonfire. This is so embarrassing. I don’t get why I feel this way. It’s so stupid, you know? To feel anything towards someone who’s so…I don’t know. Different.

She gives me the weirdest looks sometimes. I can’t tell what they mean. It feels like she’s judging me. And why wouldn’t she be? I bet all the girls she spends her time around back home are just like her—perfect, orderly, pretty, proper. The day before I took her patrolling she gawked at the shorts I was wearing. It was borderline offensive. Actually, fuck that. It wasn’t borderline. It was offensive. You don’t just stare at people like that. She should know that.

Anyway, I invited her over to my room last night. Normal, right? Because we’ve been doing that a little since I took her on patrol, by the way. I’m not sure if I mentioned that before. But this time I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m…I don’t know. Creepy? Strange? Scary? She told me that she thought I was intimidating. And then I called her “untouched”, like how some old-timer devout Christian wackjob or whatever would describe virginity. It was so fucking weird of me. I don’t know what got into me, but she kept doing this thing where she kicked my foot with hers or touched my knee and it just threw me off. It took me forever to fall asleep last night—I kept replaying what I’d said to her, especially how I’d told her that she wouldn’t have made it if she were me like I was some sort of hardcore survivalist. I think I embarrassed her. I’m never doing anything like this again. I’m going to be dead sober every time I see her from now on.

I’ll stop talking about that. Y/N did come back after I’d made a fool of myself and showed me her collection of movies, so maybe it wasn’t so bad. I haven’t watched any movies since I was with Cat. When we first started dating, I’d invite her over and she’d sit right where Y/N did last night. I’m trying to not think of the implications, because it’s space girl, and she’s going home sometime soon.

[Three pages of drawings follow—some nature drawings of ferns and moths, others of Y/N with wet hair, her knees tucked up to her chin like she’d been in Ellie’s bed that night]

March 19th, 2038

It’s the Spring Equinox. That’s the first thing Y/N told me this morning when she saw me in the kitchen this morning. She gave me a mini lecture on what that meant for the planet’s axis tilt and I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I already knew, since she seemed really excited to tell me.

I made a horrible discovery yesterday, by the way. Maria came up to me and told me that Tommy had decided to reach out to some of his other buddies up North to see if they had any connections to Terranova, and for the first time, I felt myself hoping that it wouldn’t work.

It’s awful. I shouldn’t be thinking like this. Even in Jackson, where things are comparatively much better than the rest of the world, there’s risk. Just this winter, one family had to be kicked out when they were found hiding an infected son. No one here is completely safe, just safer. I shouldn’t be selfish. Y/N needs to go where she’s meant to be, where there’s no chance of infection or invasion. I’ll be fine. I just need to get over whatever this is.

Speaking of her, I need to go get her to tell her that we’re heading out on patrol in just a few minutes. Fingers crossed she doesn’t accidentally shoot me, but Joel swore up and down that she knows how to handle a gun now. Sure. Haha.

I’m back. It’s the middle of the night and she only just left my room. I don’t know how much detail I need to go into—chances are I won’t forget this. But for bookkeeping purposes: patrol did not go so hot. I had to give her stitches without any local anesthesia. I’ve never given stitches to anyone nearly in my lap before. I was really nervous, too. I don’t think I’ve ever had to focus so much on keeping my hands steady when it came to stitching someone up before, not even with Joel.

I’m starting to think that maybe I was wrong about thinking that she didn’t like me. I still can’t tell exactly what she thinks of me, and I know that it’s a really bad fucking idea to be entertaining thoughts like these, but tonight she did something that made me reconsider. She got under the covers with me, and instead of moving away to keep us from touching, she rested her head next to mine on the pillow.

I hope she couldn’t hear how much my heart was racing. People can’t hear that kind of stuff, right? Even if they’re close?

I’m being ridiculous. There’s no way she—No. She doesn’t see me like that.

March 21st, 2038

She rested her head on my shoulder today. I don’t know what to think of it. If she was normal and grew up like the rest of us did, I would know exactly what to think. But she’s not normal, and it’s not fair of me to treat her like she is. Maybe this is, like, a culturally acceptable thing back from where she grew up. Maybe rich people just cuddle each other all the time. I wouldn’t fucking know, and unfortunately no one in this godforsaken town can help, because there’s a distinct lack of what Maria calls the “bourgeoisie”. They’re all either dead or back where Y/N grew up, doing whatever rich snobs do.

Even if it is normal for her, I feel like I can’t stop analyzing everything she does. She seems more nervous around me than she does anyone else, but she lingers like she can’t help herself. I’ve noticed that she stumbles over her words and touches me much more than is really necessary. Or at least I think she does—maybe I’m just imagining things.

But even if it means what I think it does, I can’t let myself think like this. It’s not fair to her. No one deserves to live here if they have the choice. At least the people out here know how to handle it. She doesn’t, and I don’t want her to turn into the type of person who does.

When I stitched her up and teased her about being weak and sensitive, I think she thought I was insulting her. I try not to think about it, but if I let myself wallow too much, I’ll wonder what kind of person I’d be if I wasn’t so jaded. Maybe I’d draw more, or read more, or write more. Maybe I’d be an easier person to love. I didn’t get to choose how I turned out. It just happened to me.

So if she has the choice, I’m going to do everything I can to help her make the right one. I don’t want her to be like this.

March 29th, 2038

I had a dream about Riley last night. I haven’t had one of those in years, not since I was traveling with Joel. We were back in the mall, and Riley had just turned the lights on as a surprise. I had this feeling then, like I was being given a second chance. That I could set things straight and do what was right. I woke up before I could insist that we leave.

[A drawing takes up half of the next page. It’s a crude depiction of the mall Riley turned in.]

April 4th, 2038

It’s the middle of the night again. I can’t sleep. I’m so disappointed with myself about what I did tonight with Y/N. At the time, it seemed like a really good idea. She likes me back, apparently. I was right about everything that I wrote about earlier, I guess. But it certainly doesn’t feel like I thought it would.

It’s not like there’s no part of me that isn’t thrilled that she feels the same way. That’s why I gave in and slept with her. But even when she told me how she felt, even before I completely lost my self-control, something heavy was already hanging over me. Regret, maybe. Or guilt. I don’t know. What I do know is that this can’t last. I can’t make this good for her like I want to. She needs to go back, and she needs to be able to feel like she can make that choice without feeling like she’s leaving anything good behind.

I’m not a spiritual person. but even so, I can’t help but feel like that dream of Riley was a sign. This is my second chance. I’m not going to fuck it up this time. I’ve already been an accomplice of so much suffering. Y/N is going home, and I’ll never see her again when she does. That’s that.

It took all I had left in me in the end to kick her out. She looked so hurt, and the fact that she tried to hide it made it even worse. I wish I could tell her why this can’t work, but I don’t think she’d understand.

[A drawing of Y/N kissing Ellie’s palm follows, her hair slightly mussed]

April 6th, 2038

I need to stop making rash decisions like knocking on her door late at night and asking her to come over. I really don’t know what’s gotten into me, because whenever I see her now, I can’t help but freeze up. Like last night, when she kissed me and touched my face and told me she thought I was a good person. I panicked and told her—well, nevermind. I don’t really want to repeat it here. It was mean, but I didn’t know what else I could do to get her to stop.

She was already tearing up by the time she left. I had to sit down and breathe deeply for a few minutes before I was sure I wasn’t going to be sick. I don’t really think I want to write more about this right now. It just makes me sad how unfair this all is. Of course the one time after Cat that I meet someone I really like it just has to be in one of the cruelest scenarios possible. I just have no idea what to do.

[Five pages of drawings follow of Y/N in bed, her head tilted back against the pillow, her eye’s half lidded, and her mouth slightly agape. Ellie redraws this multiple times, x-ing out parts that don’t seem quite right]

April 10th, 2038

I know this is none of my business, but she’s been spending a lot of time with Dina lately. She nearly got herself killed getting a gift for me with Dina yesterday, which feels like some sort of especially cruel joke. The universe isn’t being very fucking subtle right now.

If what I’m worried about is right, at least Dina has the option to come with her up North. She’d test negative.

April 20th, 2038

I would really like it if I could have one short break from the misery that’s my life right now. I turned 20 yesterday, accidentally introduced Y/N to my ex, proceeded to get much drunker than I meant to, completely fell off my rocker and asked Y/N to stay the night, and then discovered this morning that not only has Terranova found Y/N but that my strategy of keeping Y/N at arm’s length completely failed.

She wants me to come with her, and she’s threatening to stay here otherwise. I did the only thing that I could think to do and snapped at her.

I’m so tired of this. I hate having to act like I don’t care. This is the third time now that I’ve had to say something nasty to her to keep her from getting too close. I just want to get in bed and sleep until she leaves and I can pretend like nothing ever happened and that everything is normal.

[One page of drawings of Y/N passed out in her bed and Y/N grinning while holding a lopsided cake]

April 28th, 2038

I know I haven’t been writing much again. Sorry about that. I just can’t bear to think about my life right now. I know I should be relieved—this is what I wanted. I wanted her to go where it’s best for her.

But there’s still that selfish part of me that keeps me up at night. Y/N is going to leave this place never knowing how I feel about her. Logically, that should be what I want. This way I won’t need to say a real goodbye. I know I won’t need to now, since she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. It’s really fucking immature of me to be so hurt by what she must think of me now, but I can’t stop.

I wonder how long it will take for me to stop feeling sad about this. I’ve never had to process anything like this where there’s nothing I can do. With Riley and Sam, I at least got to heal from the knowledge that I was going to help make the vaccine to save the world. But losing Y/N just because of where we come from is totally meaningless. I can go forward knowing that I made it easy for her to make the right decision, but that only goes so far.

I don’t know how I’m going to handle this. I’m going to practically live with Dina so I don’t need to be alone for the first few weeks.

I wish May 8th would just come already so she can go away and I can get on with my life.

May 1st, 2038

Things have changed some. Joel cornered me in the kitchen last night and told me that I needed to grow up and just appreciate the rest of the time I had left with Y/N. I was going to agree and try to walk past him, but he stopped me and told me that he needed me to escort Y/N. I guess he’s right. She can’t go alone, and Joel and Tommy are getting a little too old for week-long expeditions into the wilderness.

He also told me that I need to apologize to her and make things right, saying shit like I’d regret it forever if things ended between us like this. I don’t want to admit it, but I think he’s right. When I told him that she’d originally threatened to stay if I didn’t go with her, he blinked, hard. Then he told me that he had an idea.

I’m faking it. I’m telling her that I’m going, even though I’m going to leave her when she gets picked up. I don’t know how I’m going to pull it off. When I told her in the meadow last night, she was so happy. I know it’s really sappy and cliche to say this, but I felt my heart shatter, bit by bit. I’m not a very good liar, not to people who are important to me. But I suppose I’ve been lying to her all this time, kicking her out of my room and telling her that I didn’t want anything more with her.

I can do this, I think. I have to do this, or else she might threaten to stay, and I don’t think I have it in me to be cruel again. Not to her. I guess I’ll just trick myself into feeling like I’m actually coming with her, like we have a chance of actually being together. I don’t know. We’ll see.

[One drawing of Y/N laying down in the meadow that takes up half a page]

May 3rd, 2038

It’s easier than I expected. Y/N sleeps over in my room at night, and if I don’t think too hard about it, I can pretend like things will always be like this.

I’m getting to be such a sap, though. I almost broke down in the bathroom today while I was getting ready. It was over the stupidest thing—a toothpaste bottle. Y/N always folds it so neatly, making a perfect, tight spiral of plastic near the end. It used to really bother me when I first had to share with her (because who does that—it’s weird and doesn’t do anything since she doesn’t manage to squeeze out the extra in the bottom anyways), but the thought of throwing it out when it finally emptied and having to find another one that’ll never be folded again hit me and suddenly I was counting my inhales and exhales. I don’t really give a shit about toothpaste. It’s just that it was the moment that I realized that she’s really going to be gone soon, you know? Slowly but surely, the evidence of her stay here will be wiped away and replaced. Someday I’ll forget all the little details about her.

She’s knocking on my door. I need to stop being so depressed and go see her before she picks up that something’s wrong.

[One small doodle of Y/N smiling and rolling her eyes while brushing her teeth]

May 6th, 2038

Dina’s coming now. Y/N told me this morning after she went to say goodbye. I feel really shitty about this. I guess I should tell her that I’m not going now, because this way Y/N needs to go home to get Dina the help she needs, but I just can’t bring myself to. I’ll have to escort both of them to the pickup spot anyway since Dina’s weaker now that she’s pregnant, and the thought of having to spend a full week with Y/N after she knew I lied to her makes my skin crawl. I can’t tell who I’m trying to protect by doing this—me or her. Maybe both.

I’m losing my two favorite people here, and they don’t even know it yet. But this is the best option. This is my chance to finally do some good in the world.

May 7th, 2038

I’m about to go stargazing with Y/N for the last time. I don’t think I’ll be writing in here again until I get back. I don’t want to risk losing this while I’m out in case something crazy happens. Which it probably will, but I canonically happen to be really good at living when shit hits the fan. Also—I don’t imagine Y/N to be a particularly nosy person, but if she ever came across this and thought it was a book or something, it would make things really awkward. So, you’re staying tucked carefully under my bed until I come back later this month.

I don’t know how to handle this sort of goodbye. I don’t really know how to handle any sort of goodbye, I guess, but at least I’ve been through them before. I may not do it well, but I know how to live when people I love die. But this isn’t like that. No one is dying (hopefully), and more importantly, I know it’s a goodbye this time. I see it coming on the horizon and I can’t even tell anyone about it. How does anyone deal with that? How does anyone cope?

Y/N’s knocking on my door now. I need to go before I start thinking even more and do something stupid like start crying or whatever.

I’ll be back in about two weeks.

June 1st, 2038

Sorry for not writing. It’s been pretty shitty, actually. It took me 5 extra days to get home because some scavengers gave me trouble. I hardly slept for most of them. I ran out of ammo about 4 days out and had to use my knife for everything I ran into until I was able to raid the cabinets of this abandoned cabin. Nearly got taken out by a clicker, too. It was not fun. It was especially not fun because I was not feeling super great to begin with, for obvious reasons.

Things haven’t gotten any better since getting back to Jackson. Y/N didn’t take her stupid Exoplanetary Systems textbook and now I’m struggling with whether or not I should throw it out. The rational side of me says to keep it because it was published after the outbreak and probably contains updated information that isn’t anywhere else. The rest of me doesn’t even want to look at the stars anymore because it reminds me of her.

It’s really hard not to blame her for ruining everything. I can’t go out and ride my own horse without thinking about the first time we went on patrol together and she dropped my gun and nearly killed one of us. And I can’t even relax in my own home, because I’ve spent almost every night with her since March in my bed. Sometimes when I hear a creak in the middle of the night I assume it’s her walking down to the bathroom or getting water until it hits me again that she’s never coming back.

I know I’m being melodramatic. There are many other worse problems I could be having right now. But I don’t even have my best friend anymore. I wonder if Dina and Y/N are angry with me for lying. I wonder if they’re settling in okay. I hope that Y/N manages to fix whatever her research was and that Dina gets better.

[Twenty pages of drawings of Y/N and Dina together. Some are snippets of them on their expedition to the pickup site. Others are pictures of Y/N and Dina walking around with smiles on their faces in what looks to be a city]

June 21st, 2038

It’s been over a month since I’ve last seen her. I had a breakdown while getting ready for bed when I realized that I didn’t remember what her voice sounded like anymore.

[Ten pages of half-finished drawings, each with its face scribbled over]

June 28th, 2038

I don’t think I really remember what she looks like—not exactly. I’ve been trying to draw her because I’m still in the habit of making decisions that are definitely not good for my mental state. I just can’t do it, and it isn’t for the lack of trying. Every time I get to her eyes I keep drawing something that looks wrong, but I can never tell why. I compare it to my earlier drawings of her from when we first met and it feels like meeting her for the first time again.

Joel says it’ll pass and that he’s proud of me for doing the right thing. Jessie and I have been hanging out more. Even if he won’t admit it, I can tell he’s miserable without Dina. But he understands why she had to go—just like how I feel about Y/N. And Dina too, of course. Jackson feels like a ghost town without her.

July 17th, 2038

I haven’t been writing or drawing in here for a while, I know. I was going to just go ahead and start a new journal—you know the one that Maria gave me for Christmas with the dark blue cover—but it didn’t feel right to just stop without explaining. Otherwise I’ll feel like an asshole for wasting so much paper.

I don’t want to move on from what happened with Y/N and Dina. I really don’t, but I don't think I have a choice. If I keep going on like this, I’ll never be able to live normally again. I’m just sick and tired of being sad all of the time. So I’m not going to write here anymore. I don’t think it’s realistic for me to forget all about it, because I don’t want to forget her. Not really. But I guess if I want to get better, I’ll need something different. So, here’s that. The beginning of my fresh start. “Fresh start” and you call me overdramatic!! haha. Y/N was here!

(You left this on your nightstand. I promise I didn’t read too much. I opened it because I thought it was your sketchbook. I’m going to put this back since I hear you walking down the hall now.)

ok as an aside my blog is broken so my stuff isn’t notifying people when i tag/showing up on dashes or in tags. please reblog if you’re comfortable so people can actually find this! thank you!

final a/n: i totally get it if this wasn’t quite your cup of tea this time—i just really wanted to iron out ellie’s pov before their reunion in the end. which is happening and not a spoiler because i have always promised a hea! this was a change in pace for the story and i promise you that the next chapter will be more normal/align more with my normal writing style. i have also changed my mind (probably) and have decided to stick with writing an epilogue! so two more chapters are coming before this is totally over. thank you so much for waiting and being so patient! i love you all dearly ok bye bye now

#ellie williams x reader #exoplanet #not adding tags because i’ll eventually repost #this is just for people who want to read!

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