#going through some older stuff
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an old ass tiktok i never posted here
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fat
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I HAVE. A QUERY. for artists who have been posting stuff online for several years now....
#saw some of my older stuff reposted and didnt feel like going through the divorce paperwork needed to take it down quite yet#so i just credited myself in the comments and then . the comments got turned off <//3 it is what it is i suppose!!#saturn is rambling down
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✨𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒓𝒔🌠
#cyberpunk 2077#cyberpunk spoilers#cyberpunk phantom liberty#cyberpunk photomode#my screenshots#cyberpunk v#oc: vice de'angelo#songbird#song so mi#obviously this is not canon! it's totally self-indulgent okay lemme live lmao#found these going through some of my older stuff - took these a month or so ago - and broke my own heart all over again#i have a pretty extensive almost-but-not-quite fix-it that i'm still hashing out details for but it's not all sad and it's not all happy#because every one of my characters has to fight for their happiness (sometimes they have to fight ME 😭😭) but Vice is READY & SQUARED UP#HE'LL GO A THOUSAND ROUNDS FOR THIS WOMAN#AND THEN JUMP BACK IN THE RING ONE MORE TIME FOR GOOD MEASURE 😤
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I've only read the first volume of Dungeon Meshi but I'm convinced Laios and Marcille are both autistic but two EXTREMELY different flavors of autism, so much so it enables autistic PVP (one sided, Laios is unaware, possibly due to the autism)
#dungeon meshi#LIKE. WITH LAIOS it feels like a v obvious conclusion to come to hc wise but marcille.......#i vaguely know there's some stuff going on where i can guess at a few things (absorbed through osmosis) (as little spoilers as possible)#but to me she is so tryhard autism coded. getting frustrated w herself when she's slower/can't keep up w her peers/friends#physically limited. feeling the need to prove herself/scared of weighing down her allies. needs to do things 'by the books'.#stubborn streak. can accidentally say offensive things due to bluntness/overcompensation becoming an ego#she's even a picky eater.#meanwhile laios said 'hyperfixating isn't enough i need to eat it' and he fucking meant it.#honestly you could probably make an argument for any of them (main cast) being autistic. as with an hcs in general LMFAO#so much love for senshi as well. epitome of being an older dude w a niche interest and seeing an autistic young man#and going 'yeah okay. i can take you under my wing.'#all of this is so real and HAS happened to me (even being plucked up by an old man who noticed my aimless demeanor and put me to work)
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Anyone else just not feeling like a real person much lately?
#'lately' he says#as if he's not been feeling this way for the last 28 years#idk man#maybe it's bc I'm getting older and so are the people i hang/chat with#but it feels like everyone else has a real life and real interests and experiences and things to say#and I'm some kind of hollow scarecrow person just full of memory loss and sadness#i feel very stupid and very boring#which i know is too harsh. and i know i should be kinder to myself bc life and covid and shit can't have helped the brain situation#and i should absolutely believe my friends when they say they wanna hang with me bc it's mean not to take them at their word#but I'm still like... why though?#genuinely what's the appeal of being around me. my head is empty i have nothing to add and I'm not interesting or that funny#it's been creeping up on me. this feeling like i just genuinely have nothing to offer.#i don't even know who i am#except for a person who like. lives vicariously through fictional characters experiencing feelings I've never had cause to feel#i can relate to emotions SO vividly except i myself haven't even felt the half of them#i just sort of quietly exist somewhere on the spectrum between content and discontent#with occasional drops into the despair zone#and even if the stuff i think is keeping me here went away tomorrow. like if mum stopped being an issue and i was free#like... what would i even do?#i don't even know how to want something#anyway. this has been morning mental breakdowns with newt#I'm going to go make some made up guys live the life i haven't now#mr. bees speaks#negative
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The ouroboros gnaws off its own tail; a cycle meets its end. The maker is finally unmade.
#flight rising#frfanart#dragon art#my art#sia!!!!#I'm mostly just going through and finishing up some older stuff#this has been sitting around for god#five months!!!!#jeeeeeez#oh um#capsule gene#capsule#look at her little insectivore teeth peeking out <3
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An assortment of Wilson paper sketches that I went through recently
#dont starve#don't starve#don't starve together#dont starve together#dst#dst wilson#wilson p. higgsbury#wilson percival higgsbury#wilson dst#a couple more paper sketches to come at later dates#it's fun to go through some older stuff. didn't remember some of these
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😭😭
#BEHIND THE CODES SPRINGTRAP NOOO#Hi. im posting this here during a break from studying. i'll be back soon though#:]#i plan on making some springdad au animations in the future to better my skills#working on the au helped me get through some stuff irl and honestly im not ready to let go of it so soon#i'd say its different from the aftons suburb one. i had lost interest in it when it became some sort of shitpost#there is nothing wrong in having 'shitpost aus' but ig its not how i wish to view things#i do like ephemeral stuff#things that last for a while and that make you think 'woah. im glad i had the opportunity to see this' are always my favorite#aftons suburb was one of these cases#springdad au is going through the same path. but i trully believe theres more content to come from it#oh and about BTC?#i took a break from it. its been two or three months since that folder was last opened (and if i did open it. i didnt do anything)#its relatively hard to come up with good dialogs when theres also a need to comprehend how different characters express themselves#especially when said characters are older than you. or smarter than you in some way#some of them speak louder. while others will speak through their actions#thought i had to grow up a bit more to understand how these things work.#turns out. that mindset was blocking the whole creative process#anyway. its going to take a while#thank you for your patience
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@fushiglow hmm….wonder who i’d draw this for all of a sudden and why… 🤔🤔
#your reblog surprised me#THREE BUNS SUGURU (STAR WARS ER JUST FOR YOU!)#theyre covering riko or smt and smuggling her places (??)#drawing this i was like ‘oh suguru’s curses in a star wars environment should be robots and stuff#so this suguru is a mecanic (he makes them from scrappy parts people have thrown out#and trash materials (and hard work 😎)#diy pokemon#because what is the cursed energy people are letting out if not junk theyre letting go of#so yeah ; basic geto takes shit and turns it useful#i do realise thats already very generic for star wars (junk robots junk robots!) but like. yknow. this guy takes shit people wouldnt bother#trying to sell. miam. junk of the junk. geto my favourite recycling bin you were designed for a luxurious lifestyle clearly (gege not me!)#(and stuff…………. but im lazy to put my vision in words rn hah..)#gojo’s probably a princess#(let’s not lie. hes basically a prince already (clan heir is a different look on him))#this made me want to write ?.??#problem is i dont remember much about star wars (watched it as a kid (we have the cds) appart from the very basic storyline… i forgot 😔#then theres the jawa’s first appearance cuz for some reason they scared me and i am marked for life (THEYRE JUST SILLY LITTLE GUYS 😭😭))#thankfully i lowkey want to rewatch everything so these issues can be fixed#(unthankfully either way the chance of me writing anything is very slim BUT WE NEVER KNOW RIGHT)#(hashtag diverging your attention from that other older post is it working /j/j)#omg glo i still didnt read balance (i think of it from time to time but im intimidated to read it because i know its right up my alley and#that i will love it and lately idk why but i need to ready myself emotionally to read peak fiction (this is so dumb but its true 😭😭))#my bad im rambling lol#WAIT FUCK SAME THING FOR BUNNY’S RECENT THINGY THAT GOT IN MY AO3 UPDATE MAIL#A LOVE STORY TOLD THROUGH THE LENS OF A THIRD PARTY MY BELOVED#(itsg ive searchef for these types of stories in advanced search before#AND NOW THAT I HAVE SOME BY AUTHORS I ALREADY ADORE .. IM- I SEE THEM BUT. THEIR CONTENTS STAY A MYSTERY. IS THIS MY BODY SUBCONSCIOUSLY FI#FIGHTING THE TEAR LOSS I WOULD GET??? IS THIS MFING [BALLING-MY-EYES-OUT] PREVENTION !? WITHOUT MY PERMISSION..!? TCH!)#my bad. ramble again o7 — see ya glo !#wip
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i posted this to Pillowfort earlier but a couple days ago i did an unfinished redraw of this older sketch from 2023 of Salesman Barry and High-rank Craig together :3 Barry had a really rough day trying to sell his gramophones and he's struggling to deal with his financial issues and pressure to uphold a family tradition, and Craig can understand how he feels as he has to work for a pretty shitty boss (cough cough brains), and his job as a scientist, while enjoyable, was partially pursued out of being pressured as well.
(the old drawing in question)
(you can't even see them properly....)
additionally: i have created a digital redraw that's still a work in progress but i thought it looked good so i'm posting it :) i have been trying a newer style from my earlier digital stuff and i think it works well with the Jetpack Joyride characters!!
the Pillowfort post has an earlier version with slightly different tears and colouring and stuff, i wanted to put a more up to date version here. also fanon Craig with colour for the first time!?!?!?!?? what!!! i like to think Craig wore a similarish kind of outfit to Runingunin when he first appears in Brains' lab in AOZ. i like to think Craig would wear a "Trust Data Not Lore" t-shirt underneath his coat loll
#barry steakfries#jetpack joyride#salesman!barry steakfries#craig the scientist#also not so fun fact about the older drawing: i do not know where it is and it might not exist in good condition anymore#very very sad :(#ACTUALLY WAIT!!! it MIGHT be in my closet!!! i just remembered a bunch of my older drawings are in there!#it might still survive! hurrah!#i may actually post a bunch of old stuff when i look through there cause some of it is very intriguing#anyway. i love salesman barry x high rank craig i think they should kiss <3#(this would obviously be within the confines of my gay fanon world)#i like to imagine that despite his bad situation barry is still very much the bundle of chaos we know and love#he's just more. ranty and upset a lot of the time. and craig is more confident than how he is now. he's more grounded in himself#imagine barry making a really dumb sales joke trying to ask craig out on their first date after being bfs for a while#it's so stupid that it works perfectly and craig is so charmed by it#he's like ''hey darl i've got some special items to sell you... i mean my items are- you're special enough to- um-''#then he's like ''..... idk where i was even going with that'' and craig's like ''that was so stupid i can't NOT kiss him''#aussie salesman infatuated with a nerd who is infatuated with a aussie salesman who is infatuated with a nerd who is-#hehehehe my silly men
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a little more disorganised exploring
#disorganised only bc some are from my older NG+ save file where I managed to NOT override gravity and died missing a zip line jump#and then ended up being told by Aloy that I need to finally do Erend's quest so Avad will talk to me#even tho I literally just saved Itamen and his mom so what the heck. he knows who we are gdi#anyway. the other ones are from my embrace-escape run where I'm outside early just collecting stuff#and doing as many quests as the game allows pre playing through the Proving#world's a little weird. campfires don't save your progression properly. but vantage points do#and you can fast travel to settlements. just.. no override and only one bandit camp as far as I've been able to tell#so it's my favourite game - hiking simulator 3040 my beloved. love this game. the vibes are stellar and the visuals are gorgeous#The Cut is lovely too but I got sidetracked going for all the metal flowers and vessels and vantage points instead#plus.. no tallnecks so far and even if they showed up I couldn't override them anyway#so cauldrons are prob out of the question too. not sure if I tried before tho#saddest thing so far: no Proving means no Yan means no Solai means no Nakoa quest and therefore no Nakoa :'(#but Daytower is locked until later anyway.. tho maybe I could get there from the other side? the other gate further north is open luckily#which means I've met Petra again and done her first quest. which does make me happy. I've missed her and her flirting :)#(grandma Teersa is so well done btw. LOOK AT HER)#anyway. off to bed now#lou plays#Horizon Zero Dawn#hzd remaster
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Autumn clouds over the Snowies.
#autumn#clouds#mountain#trees#I haven't been out since winter struck so I'm going through some older stuff#sometimes you have to let it sit for a few months and come back to it#then it looks good because you don't remember the glory in person XD
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Thinking about Darryl and Casey. again
#specifically in their teenage years#going on long drives through the mountains in Casey’s truck#listening to their dad’s favorite classic rock with some Indigo Girls and Tracy Chapman snuck in there#Darryl covering for Casey when she snuck out to drink with her guy friends#and Casey covering for Darryl when he snuck Carol in through his window to hang out#constant bickering about who was Frank’s favorite#Darryl arguing with Casey when she’d ditch daily Mass back in school#but always letting her go and sort of relishing in her freedom. wondering what fun—I mean SINFUL stuff she was getting up to#Casey picking on Darryl for being such a goody two-shoes when it came to church and their dad#but also always being overly defensive of her kid brother when she brought him around to little house parties or parking lot hangouts#them both jumping to do chores/favors for their parents and fighting over the opportunity to be the one to do it#especially when it was a ‘man’s job’ or something physical Frank wanted help with#Casey finally getting her hands on a tape of Rocky Horror and forcing Darryl to secretly watch it with her in the living room at night#(<- based on a story from my mom and her queer older sister hehe)#(Darryl proceeded to suppress that for the rest of his life. but he does know the Time Warp)#csotd
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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and#then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific#cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or#etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as#you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on#accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have#as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence#of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate#versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a#neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest#ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling#and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for#documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like#sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I#can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If#I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my#ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be#accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor#focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it#were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan#that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is#some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my#kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means#i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m#in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in#one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability#& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER
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🏨 gimme those blorbo rooms fdsfdsfsfsd, since it’s Pinterest can I ask for more than one? XD if so ima ask to Karimas and Shaheens OH and also Gideons (low key I know what valens/yazans looks like but its a good excuse for u to get to share) so if u want to Valens and Yazans wild be fun 😌
K BYEEE <3 😘
LOLL im glad you asked and yes i will give you all of them 😌😂😂
Karima: she’s obsessed with collecting room decor and she has a crochet corner, half of her decor is crocheted too honestly 😂 I think she also has a thing for animal print stuff esp curtains and pillow cases, she’d keep small ceramics stuff she made with daemon everywhere
Shaheen: idk why it was funny to imagine his college dorm lol he uses space very efficiently also his desk is very important 🧠
Gideon: his room is so big and so empty but he’s barely home so who cares, the only notable thing about it besides the diabolical toys collection on display is the display cabinet he keeps all his medals, plane models, pictures, uniforms etc in
Yazan: yazan’s room as you know is a Dumpster 😂 it’s impossible to find anything in there and it’s never tidy, also so many posters and records + ofc drum corner
Valen: very pretty but his room is an entire house in itself you need directions to where everything is 💀 Texas king bed with a canopy, mirror above bed/on ceiling, maximalist unique decor and very beautifully coordinated color wise. Also huge portraits of himself obviously lol
[OC headcanons: Picture Edition!]
#thank u for the ask bestie I had a blast heh 💗💗💗#rip I just thought about the amount of STUFF karima would have to move to her and daemon’s place FJSKAJSKSK#she’s also the type to keep a lot of crap just because they have some sentimental value to her but it’s literally just crap from#an outside perspective#I don’t think shaheen’s dorm room is that aesthetic but he does have a lot of hangers and organization stuff that sure keeps it tidy lol#yazan I think gets tidier when he gets with kiara#she’s seen the mess at its worst but yk KDJSKSJS he wouldn’t let her live like that is what I’m saying 😂#but it’s so funny that even tho she has seen the mess and sat in it that he cleans up a bit when she comes over after they started dating#he’s like shy I guess can’t invite your gf over and have your room in this state lol what if they want to kiss on the bed or something#sorry crush not gf* 😂 he’s better when he’s older fjsksjdkdj he has a vacuum cleaner obsession now#also ig when you’re gideon and you’re room is that empty you put everything you can on display to fill it#but I think he only puts up the stuff he’s proud to have on display#even if that includes your whips and ropes collection which is insane 💀#half of gideon’s stuff is at valen’s place too FRKEJAKSJ#such a waste of money on a penthouse’s rent and for what#you don’t even have a toothbrush in your own house#it’s so funny to me that he probably keeps using his travel size stuff bc he keeps forgetting to buy like#regular size toothpaste or something 😭😂#valen has been actively trying to get him to fully move in actually lol#he succeeded eventually lol#anyways I will not think about valen moving all of gideon’s clothes and things#to a closet in his dressing room and sitting with them and going through his stuff when he misses him#he’s usually hesitant about wearing them too besides a designated sweater or two so they don’t lose his scent#I will also not think about valen spraying those shirts with what’s left of gideon’s cologne or that he keeps buying it or the fact that he#gets mad when someone from the staff goes in to clean the closet or ppl he’s dated esp asking what’s in there#ok it’s 2:30 am so I’ll put myself on phone timeout now 😔#again! Ty for the ask bestie! djskskdkfj 💗💗💗#ocs#my ocs#ask
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