#going through it at the moment i fear. unclear why

[corpsentry]

wrote myself out of the bathtub today, soggy and miserable but very much alive

[doonalli]

The Dummies, Midori, The Banquet, and what it truly means to "be human"

And here we are at the finale. if you haven't seen my previous analyses on the Dummies I recommend you read them before reading this one since i am going in assuming you have. But if not here they are in order; Why Anzu is Important Hayasaka and how humans change Kurumada and trust in your allies Ranmaru: Doubts in Humanity, and Humanity in Doubts Mai and Humanity in Autonomy Hinako; Humanity in Affection and Connection

With that said, let's start talking about the Banquet, Midori and what that says about the dummies' humanity.

At first the Banquet seems like a strange choice for the finale of the chapter, after all, we just went through a whole chapter about proving the humanity of the dummies, yet here they are all killed of one after the other here for the sake of Gin, a human. It comes off as a bit jarring, even seeming like YTTD is going back on its message a bit.

But I’m here to argue that isn’t the case, that the Banquet not only doesn’t conflict with the messaging of the chapter and the game as a whole, but instead works to push it even further to culminate in a perfect ending.

And to start with that, let's talk about one of the key players in the banquet, Midori. In a way Midori is everything it means to not be human, and he himself revels in this inhumanity. Midori has thrown away his own humanity, and this is shown to us in so many different ways, but the main one is the way he treats his own body.

What's particularly interesting about Midori is how unclear the line between what's real and what's fake is when it comes to him, from his relationships with the participants during their pasts, to the constant lies and half truths the tells over the chapter, to his death itself, it's hard to get a grasp on the reality of the situation when it comes to him.

And this of course extends to Midori himself, as he is presented as a mystery ever since Alice told Keiji about his murder, and in the way we don’t quite know if he is human or not until the banquet itself, and even then we don’t know exactly how much of his body is human.

During the Banquet Midori reveals that he has slowly been replacing parts of his body with doll parts, 

And to Midori this is equal to no longer being human, this mentality can only be achieved if you equate humanity to what you physically are, and it's through this that Midori acts as the opposite of what the dummies all stand for,

Where the dummies stand for Humanity not being tied to the physical truth, Midori stands for the opposite notion, that the physical truth stands above all. In his eyes humanity is a weakness, and we see that in how he treats them and the traits that prove humanity.

And so Midori tries to escape it, to escape his own humanity, no need for allies or connections or doubts or fears, all those "human" traits when you can just stand above it all, as some unstoppable force.

Midori is the perfect example of this because he constantly rubs it in your face just how inhuman he is, he does so when he starts spinning his head and when he rocket punches Yabusame and literally asks

And he furthers this mentality with his actions too, because Midori is denying his own humanity, he denies his fear of death, he constantly berates and betrays his allies like Maple or Hinako, he denies others of their choices and autonomy, laughing at their despair and refusing to connect, and even his “affection” for Sou is a twisted, messed up version of what affection is. All of it to dehumanise himself and others.

It's honestly hard to call Midori human after it all, and that's just what Midori wants. That's why Maple’s last act of defiance near the end of the chapter was so important, because it shows us and to Midori that that's all it is, a facade.

Just one small moment where Midori wasn’t in control and that's all it took to show us that he isn’t invincible, and with that the image of a fearless unstoppable force is shattered, and it shows us that he isn’t as above humanity as he thinks he is.

It's important that this happens here because it allows the cast to fight back during the next section, both himself and his ideals.

Midori’s mentality of humanity being defined by what you physically are goes head to head with the Dummies in the banquet, and that's what it's about, it's a battle between Midori, and the Dummies, who are trying to prove their own humanity, with all the ups and downs that come with it.

The banquet itself plays into this too, the hint system draws a straight, clear cut answer on who is a doll and who is a human, using exclusively what they are physically.

And the cast isn’t exempt from doing this too, with many of the first discussions being centred around “who is human?”, whether it be figuring out what the lights mean, questioning whether Midori himself is human, or questioning who among the Dummies is a human.

And it's only when Mai’s hands are revealed to be Midori’s human hands, that the lines start to blur. 

Does Mai having human hands make her "more human"? What if they aren't even hers? Plenty of people use body parts from others in real life too right? It gets you thinking about the line between human and doll and just how fragile and unclear it can be.

And sure we designate Midori as the human here, but later we find out we were wrong, because trying to designate a human through physical traits is wrong. But before that…

After picking a coffin and killing either Hayasaka or Kurumada the next hint reveals a human, Sara tells Midori that he must be afraid as hypothetically there is a 50% chance he dies, but Midori denies he is afraid of dying and picks the coffin anyways, revealing it to be Hinako

This just blurs the lines even more, since up to this point we thought all the dummies were dolls, yet a human was able to sneak in there entirely undetected. Can you really say they're that different if you didn't even realise it at first?

And importantly, as we discuss who Hinako really was, we confirm her humanity, but not through any physical traits like many people tried to do during the banquet, but through a painting and the connection between Alice and the real Hinako.

During the next section we figure out the truth about Midori, and about how he has more doll parts than human, spinning his head all the way around to prove it. Obviously this isn’t something that any human could do, but more importantly it shows us Midori’s inhumanity in an undeniable way, it's so flashy, bold and in your face, that you’d be hard pressed to call him human.

When Sara then stands firm and states that this proves Midori is a doll and Gin is a human she is agreeing to the line that Midori drew and separates Humans and Dolls even further. This goes as far as to picking a red coffin, picking a doll, just to keep Gin the human safe, Midori even calls Sara out on it if she is really alright with picking one of the dummies, and notably Sara’s internal monologue doesn’t question that fact, but instead wondering why Midori is so confident, and why he doesn’t seem to be scared.

Sara is being pushed even further into believing Midori isn’t really human anymore at this point, Questioning if their logic was even correct. Until…

The surviving dummies inspire Sara through their words, and with that, prove their own humanities in their own separate ways, showing Sara and the player that their lives have purpose, have value, and that they are truly human.

On the surface it seems like Sara is simply making a choice to sacrifice the dolls for the sake of a human, and the tragedy of that is the fact these scenes show the truest form of their humanity. There is a reason these scenes are such a focal point in my analysis of each of those characters (Mai, Kurumada, and Hayasaka) and it's because it shows that they are able to make their own choices, for the sake of their allies, despite their contradictory emotions, and that's something that's inherently human. 

We see this when characters like Mishima, Kai, and Kanna all do something similar, and it all just works to prove that fact the dummies aren’t separate from the humans.

So why does this happen? Well to me it shows that despite their efforts, Sara still couldn’t shake her bias, playing right into what the Banquet and Midori want, by dehumanising the dummies.

But it isn’t over and the dummies still have a chance to show their humanity.

Tragically, Sara misses, not knowing at this point that Midori isn’t even in one of the glowing coffins, and Midori now has a free shot that's basically guaranteed to hit Gin, but Midori gives her a chance to talk to Gin, and that confidence ends up being his undoing.

While talking to Gin he mentions Keiji, reminding Sara of her wish she got from signing the consent form. She demands Midori to change it, and after some arguing, he does. Only he picks the #2 coffin, killing Anzu, and it's here where we reach our lowest point, where Sara herself admits that she undeniably sacrificed a doll for the sake of a human.

However it's always darkest before the dawn, and that's true here too, this is the Dummies’ last chance to prove themselves, and they won’t go down without a fight.

Through a discussion the cast figures out that Hinako swapped coffins with Midori before the banquet even began, meaning he is actually in a non-glowing coffin, and through this they are given an actual chance to fight back, because, as Sara rightfully called out, this proves Midori is afraid of death.

Despite his claims otherwise, Midori is scared of death, and because of that he swapped coffins with Hinako out of a fear he’d die outwise.

Midori claims that this doesn’t matter though as no matter what all 3 of the non glowing coffins have dolls inside, meaning the hit will be red no matter what. 

Regardless Sara presses the hint and it ends up blue, meaning that there is a human inside, much to everyone’s surprise.

The fact that Midori believed so strongly that the coffins would end up red only for it to be blue just blurs the lines between these two options even more. The fact that the contents in this coffin are unknown is just the first step in this counterattack.

Before that however, Ranmaru’s coffin is picked, sending Sara to give up, but Q-taro tells her that it's not what she thinks, as Midori is revealed to be struggling with his next choice.

This goes into the war of words against Midori, and the thing about this one is that compared to the other war of words our goal here is to confuse Midori as much as possible. First we refute his claim that Keiji isn’t in the coffin, despite it being blue. Then when he brings up the victim videos we tell him that the Hinako in the video isn’t even the Hinako of the dummies. He reasons out Maple must have told Keiji about the Banquet, and reveals that the coffins designate between human and doll through the collars, as both dolls and humans would be ashes after being cremated.

All these contradictions are designed to blur the lines between red and blue, real and fake, human and doll.

The way Midori doubts a human is in the blue coffin, or the way we bring up how not all the dummies are dolls of people who died, or how he admits that the coffins don’t even tell the content apart by physical traits but instead by the collar put on them.

And by the end we’ve blurred the lines so much that Midori thinks the coffin contains his collar, despite his own claim that he himself would be counted as a doll. All due to Q-taro's trick.

As if Hinako being a Human among the dolls wasn't enough, there has been a doll among the humans the whole time, and no one could tell, not even Midori, who dies before he ever learns the truth.

The fact that a doll of someone could so easily fit in just shows how vague the lines really are. We see just how much a doll can seem like a human, how they can feel and learn and grow like any human, how they laugh and cry and shout like any human. And at that point... was there ever really even a line at all? And this all culminates in the final act of the Banquet, Midori and Sara’s last choices. Midori is now doubting himself,

struggling between the 2 options he has to target, struggling with his conflicting feelings,

 and Sara thinks to herself that Midori has no allies to rely on now,

because he denied that connection, and killed them all himself.

She tells him to choose, to make his own choices now,

and he does, he picks the non glowing coffin… Missing Gin and ultimately dooming himself.

Sara ends up making her choice, choosing Midori’s coffin, and as the drill goes through Midori, he realises just how scared of death he is, but it's too late for him.

We prove his mentality of humanity being decided by physical traits is wrong in this moment, because here, in his final moments, Midori is undeniably human, and even he can’t run away from that.

"I'm a human. Which is why I don't wanna die..."

Unlike somebody such as Rio, who also spent his last moments as a human, Midori doesn’t deserve any sympathy, because he did that to himself. Just like how he denied that connection to his allies like Hinako, and killed them, Midori essentially killed his humanity, or at least tried to, so when he’s backed into a corner he doesn’t get to rely on his allies, and while we’ve proven that his mentality of humanity isn’t right, Midori himself he only realises this right as he is about to die, when it's far too late to go back now.

Through the Banquet and its final choice we prove to not only Midori, but to the cast and ourselves that humanity can’t be defined with just the physical truth, and that's what victory means for the dummies, because if someone who actively threw away his own humanity, with all his rocket punches and spinning head can still struggle with contradictory feelings, can try to rely on his allies, can still be forced to make his own choice, and can truly fear death, then humanity  just can’t be defined by something as simple as how much of your body is a doll, and the lines that seemed to divide that, ceases to exist at all.

================================================================================================ Afterword: So that's it. This set of analyses is finally done. Some of you all might have noticed that this is being released exactly one year after my first Anzu analysis, and I just wanted to thank everyone for reading this with me, the fact that there are people who like and agree with what I have to say is still unbelieveable.

I started this series because I thought the dummies were an underappreciated part of YTTD and 3-1 was underappreciated in general. To me this chapter is just incredible, my favourite bit of fiction ever, and I just wanted to put it into words why I love it so much, and as I wrote this series I only grew to love it more!

I hope I was able to share that love to whoever took the time to read any of my posts, its been an incredible time, thank you so much! and i hope you're able to love it a bit more too.

Sorry this one took so long to come out, I've been working on a few projects that i'll hopefully be able to drop soon, and if you're a fan of the dummies I think you'll like what I have in store.

Lastly I want to thank Crazy Sunshine for being such an incredible friend and for helping me so much with the latter half of these analyses, they were improved so much with their help!!!!

And I'll try to be more consistent with these posts but uhh i said that before and that hasn't exactly worked out, regardless this isn't the end, i have a few asks to catch up on still and i am not even remotely close to saying all there is to say about this incredible chapter, so I hope you'll be there when it drops. I hope you've enjoyed this era of my blog and moreso I hope you look forward to the future.

Thank you for reading!!! I hope you enjoyed! and I hope I got you thinking about this incredible chapter even just a little bit more.

[lakesbian]

welcome to my post about why blake and rose from the wildbow webserial "pact" are doppelgangers of each other, which fucks

a doppelganger is literally defined as someone who looks identical to another person (while being unrelated to them), and while rose and blake look very similar because they are male and female iterations of the same person, no one is going to be mistaking them for each other. so one may ask: then how in the world are they doppelgangers. (it's me, i asked myself that while trying to figure out why i instinctively called them doppelgangers.) to which the answer is: they tick virtually every other box that doppelgangers are associated with so precisely that they've managed to become the world's first set of doppelgangers who do not actually look identical

doppelgangers are frequently written as unnerving due to unclear origin and intent--a doppelganger's lack of appearance distinct from a preexisting character is often associated with lack of a distinct & traceable identity, which is consequently associated with lack of clear intent, which means potential for ill intent. they are often intuitively interpreted as a potential threat encroaching on a place in the world that only one person was supposed to be able to fill. the "evil twin" type of horror story, the idea of being interchangeable with someone or something else who steals your life. maybe they follow the theft up by ruining or hurting who or what you cared about. maybe they just keep living cheerfully in your place while you're locked out. either way, the core idea is the horror of being completely replaceable.

and that's fundamentally what blake and rose are polarized against each other over. the central determining factor in their relationship is the fact that, even before they realize it, they're in a fight over who gets to exist. they used to be the same person, but that person got ontologically torn in half, and only one of the halves can fit in the space in the universe where the whole used to be. only one half gets to have the house, and the friends, and the feelings, and the life.

when rose is first introduced to blake, it's mysteriously and abruptly. rose is clearly frazzled and confused herself, she states clear intent to help blake, and blake quickly receives proof that rose's message to him was life-saving. yet even before anything markedly suspicious occurs, he's still intrinsically afraid of--and right to be afraid of--theoretical hidden intent. rose is slated to replace him in his own life while he acts as a lamb to slaughter for her, she knows it, she hides it from him, and she does take his place as intended. it's only by a sort of cosmically fortunate misfortune that blake still exists afterwards to realize that his paranoia was validated and experience the rage and despair of watching her unknowingly reveal the mechanisms through which she deceived him to his friends, who are none the wiser about the fact that they ever knew him instead of rose.

then it's rose's turn after blake climbs back out of oblivion and barges back into her life--being erased from the universe's memory means that he was erased from her memory too, and now she's the one in the spot of questioning how she could ever prove that this person who looks exactly like her-but-wrong (and knows so much about her life, and talks like her sometimes, and acts like her sometimes) actually has the decent intents he claims he does. and after she learns where he truly came from--the cleaving of the person they both used to be--the fear is only stronger, because she knows that he has impetus to fight to replace her so that he can be the extant one.

and i've said all of this without citing specific excerpts from the book because it is much harder to find pact excerpts than worm excerpts, but i definitely remember multiple of the little moments that highlight these more overarching ideas: blake first seeing rose in the mirror and having to touch his chest and watch as the movement fails to align to verify that it's not him. blake finishing a sentence the same way as rose at the same time as her and rose's following displeasure. rose and blake's former friends standing in front of him once he's the one in the mirror, discussing him as a potential threat. it's Good. they both get their turn on being the doppelganger. they both get their turn on being the threat of replacement. it's good. when will the horror enjoying wormfans read pact and think about blake and rose with me.

[echantedtoon]

Father To Be P2

In a since, some of the upper moons reaction to holding their child(ren) for the first time. Plus how they react to their birth.

Warnings for pregnancy/birth mentions

All art found on Pinterest and not mine. Doing the rest of the male Moons. Couldn't find any relevant pictures for Yahaba or Hairou.

KAIGAKU:

*He's already not prepared to be a parent let alone go through the entire hardships of labor. So when you go into labor he either faints or he's freaking out yelling at everyone. You, the doctor and midwife, himself, and even the baby(ies) despite them not even being present yet.

*He's not really moving out of the room. Whether it's because he's genuinely worried about you or because he's frozen in fear is unclear, but he's completely frozen as you destroy his hand and arm.

*Once he hears the baby(ies) crying he's still frozen solid. Not numb or yelling. Just..still. Staring off into space as his brain is blue screening. He's still that way as the doctors are taking care of you and even when they congratulate him before placing his child(ren) in his arms.

*He still sits there for a few hours just staring off at nothing holding them to where it starts to concern you. "Hun, are you ok?" ".....Yeah. why?" Give him a few more hours. He's still trying to process the entire situation he's in and trying to figure out a good excuse to tell Muzan for why he's bringing a diaper bag to the next few meetings.

GYOKKO:

*(for the Gyokko fans) He's probably not going to be too present for the birth tbh. His appearance alone would scare away any doctors and he wants you to have a safe experience. So it'd be safer to just stay in his nearby pot and agonizingly wait a few hours as the doctors worked and then left.

*trust me it's not a delightful experience for him to do nothing but wait for hours on end as you screamed bloody murder. But it was worth it when you both were finally able to be alone and he has a moment to look over his child(ren).

*They look surprisingly normal except for a few specks on their arms and legs that might be scales and purple hair. Surprisingly they aren't afraid of him despite his appearance.

*He suggests making them a pot large enough to use as a cradle for them but you shut that right down.

ENMU:

*Is very unnaturally calm during the entire process. He'd probably suggest to you that maybe he'd be the one to help you during labor but as he wasn't a real doctor he'd later change his mind. Much like Kokushibo, he'd rather have this be as safe as possible so he'd just silently offer encouragement to you as you murdered his hand allowing the doctors to work, real doctors too.

*He's just calmly smiling throughout the entire process even when you curse him out for putting you in this situation.

*When the deed's finally done and everything is calm, he's not waiting for the doctor to hand him his baby(ies). No he's holding his arms straight out EXPECTING them to hand them over. An excited smile on his face as he chirps away with happiness.

*Speaking of chirping good luck on getting any rest that night. He's going to be non stop talking all night to and about his baby(ies) to the point you are going to have to either throw a pillow at him or tell him to shut up and let all of you rest.

*He's taking care of you and your baby(ies) really well during this time aside from the talking however so you can't complain too much.

KYOGAI:

*He's panicking of course when you first go into labor. But he's a collected freaking out. By that I mean, he's freaking out while taking his time to carefully move you to a comfortable position or quickly getting what you need with shaking hands and his teleporting skills.

*He's still freaking out however despite how much he seems calm on the outside- "It's alright. Deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out-" "Kyo. I'm fine." "I know. I was talking to myself."

*Steadying himself on his knees, he's holding both your hands shaking and trying to mentally calm himself down as your practically screaming in his ears.

*Almost falls over himself once he hears his baby(ies) cry out for the first time. He's watching in complete awe as the midwife handles the tiny crying being before he's handed a whimpering little bundle(s). He's shaking so badly as he slowly accepts the tiny being(s) in his arms, trying not to shake as badly as he is.

*He's so scared as he looks at his child(ren)...and then he melts seeing their chubby chunk cheeks and chunky little body(ies). Holy cow. We're they supposed to be so small and squishy? He's in love at first sight and just holds the squishy little bundle(s) in his arms gently. May or may not have cried.

HAIROU:

*He. FREAKS. Out.

*The moment he knows that he's about to become a father he's overwhelmed by a symphony of fear, panic, anxiety, worry, and frustration(not at you but because he's not prepared for the situation). Excuse him for just a few seconds. He has to run into the woods to clear his head before he can steal himself to come back and help you with a clearer mind.

*Nevermind that he's still shaking like a wet cat in winter as he runs around and tries to help you. Key word tries. His anxiety gets too much that he has to leave the room at your insistence and wait outside before he decides to 'clear his mind' in front of the doctor and freak him out too.

*Had to step outside to have some breathing room before he becomes overwhelmed again to that point. Doesn't go back inside until all the screaming has stopped and things are calm for everyone's sanity. Eventually he'll walk back in to you holding the baby(ies) and offering to let him hold them.

*He refuses at first but eventually you convince him to hold them carefully putting them in his arms. He freezes up seeing them... before tears build up in his eyes and he cries from the rush of emotions. Give him twenty minutes. He's just a bit overwhelmed by pride and joy.

YAHABA:

*He refuses to hold them when they're born. He's gonna stay while his child(ren) is delivered to make sure you're but he's not holding the baby(ies).

*You won't be seeing him. Like at all. Bro disappears and stays ten feet away at all times whenever he bothers to stop by to just check up on you both.

*Man's a germophobe and while he'll reluctantly watch the baby(ies) and make sure nothing harms them, he won't bother coming close or making physical contact beyond making them take a bath or until they're a teenager(s) because he doesn't like the messes that comes with little kids and babies.

[lonelym00n]

Just Friends

Part four of The Devil Likes the Pirate Series

Tara Carpenter x Reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: Things are weird between you and Tara. Can you really be just friends with the girl you're in love with?

A/N: It's 5 am. The birds are chirping. I stayed up all night for this and I would gladly do it again.

It had been a week since Tara had unknowingly crushed your heart in her small hands. You felt defeated, but more so embarrassed that you had given so much of yourself to Tara so quickly. The pieces of you that were left behind were almost nonexistent, squashed to bits at the words of her rejection. 

You hadn’t talked to any of your friends, not because they hadn’t tried to contact you, but because you were choosing to avoid them. It wasn’t a deliberate choice to ignore their messages at first. Part of you had wanted to respond, but when you glanced at the messages, you were just too emotionally drained to do so. This pattern repeated day after day and even though their messages became more insistent over the passing time, your energy still remained at an all time low.

You were admittedly ashamed by your actions, but realistically what were you supposed to do? You were tired and it felt like every last bit of hope you had for your life finally becoming worth something was stripped away completely. The thought of facing your friends, of facing her- 

It was just too much to bear at the moment. You couldn’t see her, you couldn’t see any of them, not when you were so sure that you resembled a flower that had withered up at the first sign of the dry season.

So you kept your distance. You went to class, took meals to go from the dining halls, and holed up in your room. It was an okay routine, but it didn’t measure up to the one that had been constantly filled with laughter and bliss. 

You sighed heavily, tossed your backpack onto its spot on your chair, and climbed up into your bed. With the covers pulled firmly up to your chin, you will yourself to fall into a dreamless sleep. 

It comes to you, luckily. But as fast as your peace arrives, it drifts away as someone knocks repeatedly on your door.

Groggily, you drag yourself out of bed and towards the door, mentally cursing your roommate. This hadn’t been the first time she’d woken you up from a nap because she’d forgotten her keys. 

You fling the door open, an annoyed look on your face. Your eyes widen in shock as they fall upon someone who is most definitely not your roommate.

Mindy frowns at you, a mix of anger and concern in her expression. 

“Wow, you actually are alive.” She stalks into the room, turning around to face you when she hears that you’ve shut the door. “Y’know, people don’t normally ignore their friends to the point where it’s unclear if they’re still breathing.”

You feel small under Mindy’s scrutinizing temperament. 

“Sorry,” you mumble weakly.

She examines you for a few long seconds, before sweeping her gaze along the messy state of your room. You’re not sure what exactly it is that she notices, but she drops her interrogative act and takes on a softer approach.

“Why haven’t you answered any of our texts?”

You shrug, “I dunno. I guess I needed some space.”

Mindy sinks down to take a seat on your bed. You remain standing, awkwardly folding your arms around your waist. 

“Is it because of what Tara told you? Do you not want to be around us anymore because of the whole…” She mimes a stabbing gesture.

Your heart aches at the thought of the group mistaking your absence for your fear of what they’d gone through. “No, no no. Mindy, it's not because of that.”

You take a seat next to her on the mattress.

“Then why?”

“I- it’s just,” you pause and bashfully rub your shoulder. “Tara didn’t tell you what she said? After she told me about the whole Woodsboro thing, I mean.”

Mindy’s brow furrows and she shakes her head. 

“Oh.” You feel a bit deflated at Mindy’s unawareness. You gnaw at your bottom lip and try to stop your overthinking nature from taking over. Was it weird that she hadn’t told anyone? Should you be happy about it?

You flinch harshly as Mindy places a comforting hand on your shoulder. Only now do you notice that you’ve been quiet for far too long. 

“What happened? What did she say to you?”

“Uhh,” your chest is swirling with emotions. You’d yet to talk about this with anyone and it has been eating you up for the past week. “She said she’s not ready for a relationship. She only wants to be friends.”

You find a spot on the ceiling and stare at it.

“She does? But I thought she liked you.”

You huff and flatly meet Mindy’s eyes. “So did I.”

“Look, I think I know what must’ve happened. I’ll talk to her and-”

“No!” You rush out the words, “Don’t talk to her about it please. I completely get why she’s not ready for a relationship.”

Mindy shakes her head and laughs slightly, “But I can tell she likes you and she doesn’t want to be just friends. She probably just got scared after talking about everything.”

“I don’t know. But she made her decision and I’m okay with that. You don’t have to say anything to her about it, it’s fine.”

Mindy looks like she has more to say, but she holds herself back. The two of you sit in silence.

Unfortunately, the silence does nothing to cover up the sniffle you so desperately try to hold back.

Mindy looks up swiftly at the sound. She’s met with the slow drip of tears down your cheeks.

You’re swept into a hug before you know it. She waits a beat, before speaking, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

And because you’ve been emotionally vulnerable this whole week with no one to talk to, you break and tell her everything. You tell her how you aren’t even upset at the fact that Tara isn’t ready for a relationship, but are more heartbroken by the feeling of being led on. How you had held and kissed her so intimately just to be told that the two of you could only be friends. How you can’t get the softness of her lips against yours off your mind, and how you’re not sure you ever will. Lastly, you tell her how strongly you felt for Tara, how you think you’d fallen in love with her after that day in the diner, and how you don’t think you can pretend that she doesn’t mean everything in the world to you.

Mindy, though she denies any allegations of being a hopeless romantic, feels her heart break for the agony that you’ve revealed to her. She knew you’d had feelings for Tara (everyone did, it was nearly impossible not to notice), but she wouldn’t have guessed that they went this far. She lets you cry out all your woes and gently comforts you throughout. 

When you’ve finally cried yourself into a state of emptiness, Mindy shifts the two of you into a lying position. She plucks your laptop out of your bag and props it up on her lap, perusing Netflix’s horror movie section before selecting one she doesn’t find completely abominable. 

The rest of the day is filled with sarcastic comments and relentless critiques for any moment she deems unhorror-like. Mindy does such a good job distracting you that you nearly forget all about the heavy weight that has been plaguing your mind.

You fall asleep that night more at ease than you’d been for a long while.

The next few days are filled with Mindy’s bright presence. She somehow learned your schedule and picked you up from each of your classes. You compare her to a very welcome thorn in your side.

She helps build you back up, and you slowly start feeling like a normal person again. It’s nice to be in her company and you feel so thankful to have a friend like her.

One day, when the two of you are grabbing lunch, she abruptly stops retelling a story from her shared childhood with Chad. 

She’s looking over your shoulder at something that you can’t see. 

“Earth to Mindy,” your hand waves in front of her face, to which she still doesn’t respond. 

“Fuck,” she curses quietly. She turns to you quickly, “Tara and Anika are coming over here.”

A panicky feeling fills your chest. Sure you were doing better, but you were definitely not ready to see her. Sucking in a breath, you prepare yourself for the interaction, knowing you have no choice but to face her now.

“Hey guys!” You missed Anika’s cheery nature and you nearly smile at how smitten Mindy looks when Anika plants a kiss on her cheek.

Tara wordlessly takes the empty seat next to you. 

 “Y/N, how are you?” Anika innocently acts.

You ignore the feeling of Tara’s eyes burning into you as you speak, “Eh, pretty good. My chem class is giving me a lot of trouble.”

Mindy, ever your savior, changes the subject, “T, have you tried that new latte the coffee shop has? Y/N and I tried it this morning.” 

It’s your turn to watch Tara while she’s distracted. She’s as pretty as ever, her soft brown hair laying perfectly on her shoulders. You missed drinking in the sight of her, but you mentally chastise yourself for the thought, reminding yourself that you’re not supposed to be looking at her that way anymore.

You sink into your chair at the remembrance. 

“You and Y/N tried it?” You don’t see the flash of fire in her eyes, too busy picking at your food. 

“Yeah, after her English Lit class.” Mindy turns towards Anika, “You should go with Tara to try it sometime.”

Anika hums softly in response, “Sounds good.”

The conversation dwindles in and out from that point on. You don’t participate much, only offering the occasional offhand comment when you’re mentioned. Tara keeps glancing at you, but your gaze remains firmly on your plate.

Checking the time on your phone, you stand up and gather your trash. “Well, I have calc so I have to go.”

You mutter out a goodbye to the small group and scurry away before Mindy can call you out on your lie. You don’t have calc for another two hours, you just needed an excuse to get away from the table. As you head towards the library, you idly wonder if things will always be so awkward between you and Tara. 

Your answer comes sooner than you expect. It’s Friday after classes, and Mindy is dragging you to a pizza place to hangout with the rest of the group.

She pulls you through the doorway and all but shoves you into the seat to her right. Anika sits to her left, followed by Tara. Chad sits beside her and Ethan sits beside you. You couldn’t be more grateful to be sat as far away from her as possible. 

The night actually doesn’t go too terribly. You’re able to talk to everyone without feeling weird, and you internally sigh in relief at how easy it is to avoid a direct conversation with Tara. 

As the night continues on, you indulge in Ethan’s rambling about this new mobile game he downloaded. You peek over his shoulder while he plays and explains how it works. Once you get the hang of it, he passes the phone to you and leans in closer to watch. Unbeknownst to you, Tara has been silently watching the exchange. 

You and Ethan are now playing a game of tug of war with his phone, laughing like children as you refuse to let him have a turn. 

It’s then that Tara calls for everyone’s attention. “Sam and I are throwing a movie night at the apartment tomorrow. You’re all invited, obviously.”

The group cheers at the news. Apparently Carpenter sister movie nights were a big deal. Your eye twitches at the thought of being trapped in Tara’s house for hours. And you’d have to finally meet Sam.

Your chair scrapes loudly as you stand, “I’m just gonna go to the bathroom.”

You walk away and enter the bathroom. 

Back at the table, Mindy and Anika share a knowing glance. Mindy goes to follow you when Tara stands. 

“I’ll go.” She softly announces, and turns towards the bathroom. Everyone shares a look, well, everyone except Ethan.

“What’s all that about?”

Anika reaches over to lightly shove him in the shoulder, “Keep up.” 

You’re standing in front of the mirror, staring at yourself as you internally struggle to find an excuse to skip out on the movie night.

The door pushes open and your thoughts halt at the sight of Tara.

“Hi.”

“Hi Tara,” you mumble back. 

You both stare at each other for a second. 

She breaks the silence, “Look I know what you’re thinking. But please just come, it won’t be weird if you do.”

This is the first time the tension between the two of you has been acknowledged. Your heart leaps into your throat. You sigh and reach up to scratch the back of your neck.

“I dunno…”

You make the mistake of allowing yourself to meet her eye. She’s staring up at you, a petulant pout spread across her dimpled cheeks. 

“Please? I want you to come. And Sam really wants to meet you. We both want you there, and so does everyone else.”

You open your mouth to spew an excuse but nothing comes out.

“Alright,” you relent. “I’ll come.”

She smiles and the familiar flutter of your heart returns. 

You return to the rest of the group, Tara following closely behind you. She fills everyone in on the details of the plan. The night ends shortly after.

The next day, Mindy and Anika meet you outside of your dorm room for the trip to the Carpenter’s apartment. They chatter the whole way over, reassuring you that Sam’s hard exterior was mostly just a front. 

You are incredibly nervous as the three of you approach the door. Tara opens it shortly after and ushers the three of you in, urging you to make yourselves comfortable. You take a seat on the couch, trying to stave off the anxiousness that has built up in your chest.

Tara returns from her trip to the kitchen with Sam and a redheaded girl. You assume her to be Quinn, Tara had mentioned her to you before. 

“Y/N, this is my sister, Sam, and our roommate Quinn.”

You stand up to greet them, wiping your palms on your pants. “Hi, it’s so nice to finally meet you both.” 

Quinn smiles brightly at you while Sam sweeps her gaze across you, likely determining how much of a threat you are.

Tara elbows Sam in the side, receiving a noise of displeasure in return. 

“Tara talks a lot about you, it’s nice to formally meet you too.”

You nod at her and try to disregard the first part of her comment.

Quinn speaks next, “With how often she talks about you, you’d think she’d have mentioned how cute you are.”

She teasingly runs a finger up your arm and you feel a blush rise up your cheeks. Mindy snorts behind you. 

“Thank you Quinn.”

She hums, “Anytime.”

Ethan and Chad arrive just after her reply. Ethan flops down next to Anika while Chad moves to greet Sam with a hug. You sit down next to Mindy. 

Soon enough, the remaining members move to make themselves comfortable on the couch. Tara eyes the empty spot next to you, but Quinn slides in before she can make a move towards it.

You turn to greet her and she gives you a smile that is anything but innocent in return. Sam commandeers the remote, flicking on the first movie for the night. 

Your efforts to pay attention are thwarted by little touches from Quinn. She drags her finger up your arm again and traces along your collarbone. Once she gets bored of that, she twirls a stray piece of your hair around the same finger. 

You find that you don’t really mind the innocent touches, so you allow her to do as she pleases. 

The movie finishes sooner than you expect. You look over at the rest of the group to find Anika, Mindy, and Ethan all fast asleep, slightly tangled up on the couch. Sam wordlessly puts on the next movie. 

About halfway through, Quinn decides to go to bed, but not before sending a flirty wink your way. When the movie finishes, you notice that Tara and Chad are now asleep too. 

Sam stands up and pads into the kitchen. You hesitate a moment before deciding to follow her. You make sure she hears you as you do so, so you don’t catch her off guard by accident.

“Do you want anything to drink?” She offers.

“Sure, water would be great.” 

She hands you a glass and the two of you stand in the kitchen in silence. 

After a short internal debate, you speak, “I just want to say that I really admire you. Tara’s really lucky to have a sister like you.”

Sam seems surprised at your comment, “Thanks.”

You nod in response. 

She glances up at you, “I’m sorry about the whole barging into the diner thing. I know I put you into an awkward situation. I was just kind of in a panic and didn’t stop to think.”

“Oh no it’s fine,” you quickly reassure. “I can understand why you were so upset. I guess I’m sorry for the part that I played in that too. It’s my fault Tara didn’t answer you.”

Her hard exterior softens slightly at your apology. “Don’t be sorry, you had no idea.” 

You two share a smile, and your eyes drift to Tara’s sleeping form on the couch. Sam looks over her shoulder to see what you’re looking at before turning back to face you again.

“You like her, don’t you?” She asks softly.

Your heart burns in your chest. You wish things were easier enough for you to say yes, but you couldn’t. It wasn’t what Tara wanted.

“I care about her,” you clarify. “We’re friends.”

If Sam notices how choked up you sound, she doesn’t say anything. You sigh.

“I should probably get back before it gets dark.”

She nods in understanding but places a firm hand on your shoulder before you can move to retrieve your belongings. “It was really nice to meet you. For what it’s worth, I think you’d be good for her.”

Tears spring into your eyes but you hold them back fiercely. You choose not to comment on Sam’s words.

“Thank you for having me over. I understand how much trust this takes.”

You turn and make your way over to the living room to grab your jacket and keys, silently slipping out of the apartment so as not to wake anyone. Only once the door is firmly shut behind you do you let the tears fall.

You return safely back to your dorm and fall asleep with the thoughts of what it’d be like to be happily in love with Tara firmly on your mind. 

Ironically, she texts you the next morning, asking you to return back to the apartment so the two of you could talk. You knew eventually that you’d have to hash out the tension that remained between you and her, but you didn’t think it’d be so soon.

After a quick shower and a bite to eat from the dining hall, you head back to the Carpenter sisters’ apartment. 

You arrive shortly after and knock gently on the door. Quinn opens it with a smirk.

She calls out over her shoulder, “Tara! Y/N’s here!”

Tara appears and gently wraps her fingers around your wrist to tug you into the apartment, heading swiftly in the direction of what must be her bedroom. You barely have enough time to notice that the group of friends is still occupying the apartment, biding a brisk hello to them as you are pulled past.

Once you are inside the room, she clicks the door shut. 

“Thanks for coming.”

“Of course,” you smile gently, trying to hide your nervousness, but very obviously failing.

Tara bites her lip, “I hate that you’re nervous around me now. I ruined things, didn’t I?”

You are shocked at her words and you blink a few times before responding, giving her a soft look, “Tara, no. You didn’t ruin things. I’m sorry I’ve been acting weird, but don’t blame yourself. You aren’t ready for something and I get that.”

She paces around the room for a minute, seemingly deep in contemplation. You take a seat on the edge of her bed, waiting patiently.

She turns towards you, “What if I am ready?”

You look at her stupidly. “What?”

She runs her fingers through her hair, “It’s just… I can’t stop thinking about you. And the other day with Ethan and god yesterday with Quinn, I can’t stand the thought of you being with someone else.”

You’re in a complete stupor, it’s hard to believe you aren’t dreaming right now. “Tara, I don’t understand.”

She sits next to you and grabs your hand. The air is charged and you feel like you could faint. 

Tara licks her lips, “Let me tell you a different way.”

You lose yourself in her eyes as she leans in, unable to think about anything other than the shortening proximity. You can feel her breath on yours and just before your lips can touch, Anika barges into the room, a frantic expression on her face.

“You’ve got to come see this.”

You and Tara scramble up and rush into the living room. Everyone’s eyes are glued on the TV.

Your heart sinks as you read the headline. Beside you, Tara trembles.

Mindy’s the one to break the silence, her tone full of anguish and fear.

“It’s happening again.”

***

A/N: ooh things are about to go downhill!! I think the next part is going to be the finale and it's gonna be a wild ride! I messed up the timeline last chapter (scream vi is a full year after scream v, not a few months) but there's not really a way I can fix my mistake without things getting even more messed up. So either just ignore that Tara said it was a few months ago and pretend that this is a full year later or don't, the story still works either way. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Taglist: @thenextdawn @dreifhraniquo29

guys im horrible at taglists, plz forgive me if I accidentally forgot anyone I'm trying to rush this out so I can go to sleep before the sun rises

[tokkiwrites]

in which kraven gets very jealous and needs to remind y/n that she's his. this is a continuation to another one-shot i wrote (check pinned 📌)

tags: keaven x fem!reader, afab!reader, use of y/n because yes, dom!kraven, kind of dark kraven of you squint, sub!reader, degradation, deah (mentioned like twice), pet names (kraven calls reader doll, bun, bunny, pet), kraven likes to be called master (ik right?!?!?), p in v sex unprotected (don't be whimpy, wrap that pp), lmk if i missed anything !!!

it was O8:O4 PM, where was she? she'd been such a good obedient pet up until now. Is this the moment she wanted to slip? as those thoughts fill kraven's mind, the sound of keys jangling at the door snaps him awake.

she's here.

y/n timidly pushed open the door to her cozy apartment. A faint blush graced her cheeks as she entered, her sparkling eyes revealing a hint of embarrassment.

she knows she's late.

Carrying her books and course materials, y/n's steps were light, almost as if she tiptoed through the space. Her frame was adorned in a pastel sundress that swayed with every movement. A subtle floral fragrance trailed behind her, making kraven visibility hard.

As she walked further into the apartment, she set her books down onto the couch before stopping in front of kraven, who was sat in the doorway to her room.

" 'm sorry for being late. "

"care to explain why you're late, bunny?"

" had to stay a bit more at uniㅡ teacher said he needed my help with something."

he...

HE?!

"what did he need that was so important, bunny, hm?" kraven stepped closer to y/n, dragging his calloused finger over her rosy cheek.

moonlight filtered through the sheer curtains, casting a cold glow on them. It was evident that kraven wasn't going to let her off with just a warning, no matter what the motive for her being late is.

With a sigh that ragged through her throat, y/n looked up at kraven through her lashes, hoping he'd at least be a bit more endearing this time.

"answer me, doll. y'know i hate when you make me ask twice, yeah?" y/n swallows thick, nodding her head in response. "heㅡ um, he wanted me to ask where i got my p-perfume fromㅡ he wants to get it for his, uh.. girlfriend..."

kraven's gaze sharpened, turning into a piercing stare that seemed to bore into her soul. His jaw clenched. "that so?"

his silent but intense gaze spoke volumes, conveying the deep displeasure with the situation. "p-please don't do anythingㅡ he was only being nice-"

But her words were abruptly silenced by her boyfriend's stern command, "quiet."

A shiver ran down y/n's spine as she felt a mix of fear and anticipation. She knew she should run, remove herself from the brewing storm, but something inside her hesitated. Maybe it was the adrenaline coursing through her veins or the thrill of the forbidden, but she found herself rooted to the spot.

Her heart raced, and a warm, tingling sensation spread through her belly. It was a confusing mix of emotions - fear, desire, and a hint of excitement. She wanted to reach out to him, to ease his worries, but the intensity of his gaze had her frozen in place.

In that charged moment, the air between them crackled with unspoken tension, and she couldn't deny the want of the storm that threatened to consume them bothㅡ her even more.

As the tension hung heavily in the room, kraven took a slow, deliberate step towards her, his eyes still locked onto hers. His earlier anger seemed to have evolved into a complex whirlwind of emotions, making his intentions unclear.

y/n's heart pounded louder in her chest, her breaths shallow as she watched him approach. She couldn't decipher what he was thinking, but a part of her yearned for his touch, even in this moment of uncertainty.

His other hand, which had been clenched tightly at his side, slowly reached out, hesitatingly brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. "beg."

"s-sorryㅡ?" she stammered, her voice trembling. "i said beg. beg if you don't want me to take you to his house, fuck you in front of him then rip apart his body right after."

"k-kraven Iㅡ"

"so you want that."

"god, no! 'course i don't i justㅡ he was just being friendly, you know..." she whispered, her voice quivering. "you know I'm only yours."

kraven's face contorted with a mixture of anger and jealously, eyes glinting gold. y/n's words hung in the air. His grip on her hair tightened slightly, causing a sharp pain that made her wince.

"think that's enough, bunny?" he hissed. " think you can just say those words and everything will be fine? you are mine and that's why I won't tolerate anyone else trying to take you away from me."

kraven's words were laced with possessiveness, and y/n could see the turmoil within him. she struggled to find the right words to soothe his anger, but at the same time she wanted to let her mind go blank. in this moment ㅡ his idea sounded kind of good.

for a long, tense moment, kraven didn't speak. The room felt suffocating.

"on your knees."

"whㅡ" taken by surprize, she's pushes down, making a loud thud as she hit the cold floor.

"c'mon, bunny...you know what i want." he smiles darkly, hand still tangled in y/n's hair. "make that pretty head of yours think and tell me what i want to hear, yeah?"

kraven's smile sent a shiver down her spine. she knew what he wanted from her. Her mind raced, struggling to find the wordsㅡ her heard pounding in her chest, the loud thumps echoing in her head, nothing was accepting to leave her lips, it was all getting stuck.

"c'mon, doll. don't make me wait." he growls menacingly.

"p-pleaseㅡ" she whispered, her voice barely audible. "please, i know I've been bad. and iㅡ i need to be punished for what i did, i shouldn't have worn that perfume to his class."

"yeah.." he hums reaching for her chin and making y/n loon up "but you were a little whore who wanted to get attention, yeah?"

"y-yes.."

"guess i should fuck you like the little whore you are, huh?"

the room seemed to close in on her, the tension and lust between them so palpable. "gotta hear you beg more, though. gotta hear you cry before i fuck you stupid."

fear gripped her heart, the intensity of his demands and his dark demeanor filled her with a deep sense of the situation. Simultaneously, desire smoldered within her. His possessiveness, his filthy wordsㅡ the raw power he exuded ignited something in her she couldn't explain. the intensity of his words, though tinged with danger, had a mesmerizing effect on her.

towering above her, in the night's veil, kraven was shrouded in darkness, his presence like a labyrinth and his power over y/n like an unsolved puzzleㅡ an unspoken rule.

she should be more scared of him, yet she sits there and takes it, each of his commands, she obeys and does as she's told. his strength was evident in every moveㅡ he didn't need to say a word. he's a silent tempest that leaves an indelible mark.

y/n leans in forward, palms flush to the floor "please show meㅡ show me how to be good, please... i don't wanna think, jus' want to be you dumb bunnyㅡ"

"you're so pathetic, doll. even from the first day i saw you, i could smell it on you... could smell you were made for taking this cockㅡㅡ made for me to break and use."

y/n presses her thighs together, her panties now wet with her slick, sticking to the fold of her pussy. "k-kravenㅡ"

slap.

"wrong." he chuckles murkily "try it again, pet."

y/n sniffles, her cheeks stinging from the harsh slap delivered to it. "master."

"see, that wasn't so hard, huh? now...you gonna be a good girl and listen to me?"

"y-yes, master."

kraven hums, rubbing his finger onto the cheek he slapped, smiling contently as the skin flushed a bright red.

"get undressed and bend over the counter. now."

y/n swiftly compiles, scrambling to her feet and discarding the frilly dress she had on. her skin tightened as the cold air hit it. even so, she still removed her panties that had accumulated a big wet splotch in the middle of them.

obliging kraven's orders, she bends over the counter, her bare ass and cunt on full display. "mm.." kraven licks his lips before palming the small of her back "so pretty for me, bunny."

she completely shattered under his touch, his fingertips drawing small fires that spread through her in clusters, a desperate whine escaping past her lips.

"master, pleaseㅡ" kraven strongly grabs her by the hair, pulling her in a way that makes y/n arch her back. he leans into her ear, his enormous bulge pressing firmly against y/n's ass.

"did i say you can talk yet? are you so dumb, bun?"

y/n shakes her head, mewling at the sensation of kraven's facial hair against her skin.

"wanted to fuck you stupid, but since you're such a dumb whore already ㅡ maybe if i fuck you hard enough ... I'll bring some sense in that pretty brain of yours, yeah?"

y/n bites back another moan, succumbing to kravens touch, his palms making their way up her torso and to her breasts, kneading them roughly.

pushing back her hips in gripe, she manages to gets her face unwaveringly pressed to the countertop "don't be greedy now, doll. gotta see you work for it..." with that he nimbly plunged two fingers into y/n's mouth, making her gasp.

"suck if you want this cock inside of you, pet."

that's all she needed to hear, fleetly wrapping her lips around his thick fingers, sucking and swirling her tongue around them like there was no tomorrow. drool started to drip down her chin, her moans vibrating vigorously onto kravens skin.

pushing the fingers deeper, he wins a muffled gag, her tongue pressed flush against them. "yeah, good fucking pet." her walls were twitching around nothing, her warm wetness spreading between her thighs that were parted by kraven's knee.

he retrieves his fingers from her mouth, y/n starting to pule at their sudden lack. kravens laughs, as if mocking her at the same time pulling his sweatpants down only a bit, letting his dripping cock spring free and slap against his abdomen.

"want me to prep you, doll?"

"n-no, masterㅡ please..."

"fuck, bunny, ill rip right through you." he smiles somberly "you're such a filthy, filthy girl."

inhaling a sharp breath, her muscles tense up as kraven plunges inside of her wetness all at once, with no warning. she writhes in pain, tears already welling at the corner of her glossy eyes.

"fuck, look at that tight pussy swallowing me all in." he groans, sinking his fingernails into the plush of her skin "c'mon, doll, show me you're sorry for being such an attention whore. show me you're sorry so i don't kill that bitch and fuck you over his dead body."

it was all so wrong, so dirty and vile, but it was making her tummy churn and blood pulse through her veins like nothing else. she felt so insane for liking the ideas kraven put into her head, she loved feeling insane as long as he was with her.

her head now filled with murky thoughts, vision hazy, y/n feels her body being plunged further into the kitchen surface, hips violently crashing agains the hard material. "you take this cock so well, bunnyㅡ fuck!"

his movements become so fast, it sends y/n practically into another dimensionㅡ at least that's how she feels. her eyes roll back, and for a second, she's pretty sure she can see into the future.

"gonna come, bunny? huh? you gonna come around my cock?"

"yes, m-aster!" her body feels warm and fuzzy as she senses her orgasm approaching. "p-leaseㅡ!"

"go ahead, doll." kraven grunts, hitting that spot perfectly. he feels himself close too, brows furrowed as he pushes inside deeper and harder. "shitㅡ bunny, I'm gonna fill you up so good. gonna make you keep this cum inside of you all day."

with a loud plead, y/n releases, her walls tightening around kravens shaft, causing him to growl. she starts shaking, her thighs uncontrollably wriggling, barely holding herself up if it wasn't for the counter.

kraven pumps himself a few more times, at last releasing and painting y/n's insides with warm, white ribbons. they're both left panting, y/n babbling incoherently.

"thank y-ou, kraven.."

"you liked it?" he asked, amused. "so that's why you keep on misbehaving, bun. "

⁽⁽ଘ( ˊᵕˋ )ଓ⁾⁾‎  토끼's NOTE : hi guys!!! this might have some grammar mistakes, oh WELL. its 2.1k words so kind of short SORRAYYY, wrote this for a special someone u know who u are wink wink ;) but thank you all for supporting me, i know im at the beginning of my journey, but I've already grown so much. hope you enjoyed day 7 of tokki's kinktober <3 (now proofread !!)

[astroyongie]

Astroyongie Podcast S01 E01

Note: This is the sum up resume of the Podcast held on my discord channel voice channel. Another episode will open next week.

All notes were made by the talented @killuachii <3

Censured Version

Connection between Seonghwa, Hongjoong and Chungha?

→ Hongjoong-Chungha: some type of connection, some type of relationship, not romantic but are

close, share friends together, at the moment close friends one might have crush on other

→ Seonghwa-Chungha: not very good relationship, Chungha pick me perception, might not like her very much, energy feels off, Seonghwa tends to not like female friends of the members, possessive?

On going problem between txt and one female managers/supervisor. What’s the situation?

→ two members who had complications: Beomgyu, Taehyun,

Beomgyu: issue happened a few years ago, had rumors/scandals, a time where everyone thought he would leave, behind the scenes: had a very unhealthy way to cope with relationships, slept around a lot which managers had to step in, felt very overwhelmed with the music industry, fame, tours, coping: unhealthy relationships, that stayed, one sponsor left so they had to find another one, Beomgyu doesn’t like how company treats him, how group/life/paycheck is handled, is very frustrated, has to wear a mask and can never express himself, troubles with one female and one male manager, everytime he wants to do something for himself they restrict him, member could be caught in the middle

Taehyun: has some clashes, is very reserved, thinks in a certain way, company tells him what to do and so fights happen between him and the manager

Enhypen currently preparing for comeback: what are the thoughts on the comeback?

→ Jungwon: he is happy with the comeback, exactly what he expected, isn’t very stressed, no anxiety, expects that this comeback will get them further than before

Heeseung: just like Jungwon, he also thinks that other members improved their skills a lot, is very content with everything, expect him to have a lot of attention for this comeback

Jay: very tired, a lot of chaotic and heavy energy, he feels like he isn’t ready yet/ not as good as the other members, touching his mental healthy, he likes it but still is unsatisfied with his lines, screentime, etc., a little insecure about the comeback

Jake: super confident/happy, he will slay the boots house down, he is confident with everything he has done for this comeback

Sunghoon: fragile, nothing to do with comeback, his body a little fragile (injury?), pain in the hips, tired, unsure about his movements, how he will perform, afraid he will not exceed expectations of fans

Sunoo: isn’t very happy with the comeback, thinks he is a filler member, thinks company gives more to the other members than to him, not very excited for the comeback, fights in the background, had issues with his sponsors, stayed a long time without and company didn’t support him to get another sponsor, felt left out

Niki: also in a good mood, expected to show a new version of himself, wants to show his fans that he has worked on himself aesthetically wise, is very confident, expecting to reach a new goal, win new awards and get more recognition

how does stray kids feel about joining Lollapalooza?

→ one member (probably Hyunjin) feels very confident about the performance, wants to show people what he can do, very excited, Minho is also very excited, has no fears. Chan not very excited, probably very tired due to the going from place to place, wants more in Korea, doesn’t want to go to socialize with other idols/performers at the moment one of the members (unclear) going through harsh period, many schedules seem overwhelming, is very tired but in overall very excited

Enhypen has a world tour, thai fans angry at company, in Thailand big event coming up but

Enhypen are not coming to Thailand. Reason why they don’t?

→ connected to the money they would receive (opinion without cards), behind the scenes: for two

reasons: one of the people in the company isn’t doing their job right, made group loose money, while other countries offered more money for them to come one of members sponsors, probably worked some strings to go to another country

what was the reason for bullying and who were the perpetrators/victims?

→ happened in the beginning when they were in iland, victims: A and B perpetrators: X, Y and W, things are better now, members are better, physical/verbal fights, staff would also joke about it, Y was mastermind behind it, W easy to influence when it comes to the people present, when he is with bad people he acts like them, when he is with good people he adapts their way of thinking, C wasn’t doing anything against it but made jokes, main A but B because he protected him and therefore became the next victim, a lot of jealousy + were young boys, X felt guilty later

Does xh’s Gaon have a girlfriend

→ no

can i ask about txt Hueningkai social group? if he has people that will support him in need?

→ he has but they are not physically in his life, people he isn’t with him everyday, groupchat, probably online friends

How is keita pookie doing?

→ is doing fine and good, very focused on finances, investing in himself, wants moneyyy

Who was jake's EX idol girlfriend

→ [Censored]

I wanna ask about Wonwoo Seventeen. Is he still in relationship with his idol girlfriend now after he faced some problems with her recently?

→ still with his gf, have been together for more than 3 years, they will end up marrying probably

Jay and love

→ high standards, easily bored, has honeymoon phase but then looses interest, when relationship gets serious he freaks out, has been with a lot of people, mommy issues

Biggest ego in kpop

→ Jungkook, type to get annoyed when people talk to him, Baekhyun he is type too roll his eyes when people talk to him, a lot of younger idols with big egos

Which group is almost the same on camera and off camera ??

→ too complicated to answer, all groups have their image

Does Yeonjun has mommy issues?

→ doesn’t think he has mommy issues

Who is the idol that you think has beef with the most people?

Wooyoung and Seonghwa from ateez

Is there any idol that you think would be amazing to have as friends? because of their energy or something else

→ Chanyeol, he is always chill, doesn’t push introverts, on the contrary: johnny: doesn’t understand mind of introverts

Was there ever an incident where you do readings for idol and then realize holy shit this bitches gay.

→ yes, [Group censored]

How's Felix love situation rn?

→ very complicated, doesn’t understand his own feelings, very fragile mind, has this one *individual*, gives him unconditional love, he needs it a lot, finds comfort in it, *individual* will lways stay with him despite the toxicity

Continuing the gay theme, have you ever encounter an in-group relationship?

→ [Censored]

all txt members are straight

You've said before that Felix and that dumbass might be soul mates

→ have karmic relationship, might be the reason that their relationship is very complicated

I’ve heard jaemin gf was someone from the company and I've herd there on the verge of breakup

→ complicated, hasn’t done reading on him in a long time, had a longtime relationship with someone of [Group censored], no news if they are still together, doesn’t have insights if he is with someone of the company

Who is Hueningkai idol gf?

→ [Censored]

Will you ever do readings on smaller groups like xh, cravity, etc?

→ currently only JO1

What's happening in han jisung skz love life?

→ ever since he broke up with *individual*, things have been a mess, currently single

Yunho situationship

→ dating life chaos, was dating an idol that wasn’t in Korea but then started flirting with a younger idol, not ongoing, motives: thinks with dick (lmao)

Protecting younger idols?

→ sponsors are not all bad and are professionals for the money, but also some that are perverted, there are no specific things that protect them

What about Wonyoungs sponsor?

→ a powerful man, has an unhealthy obsession with her, is very strict with her image, her weight, etc.

Rei confessed feelings to older member member?

→ was [Name and group censored], but never physical or romantic they just went eating or something crispy and hot tea: *member* also tried to talk to *individual* and tried to snatch him despite Rei’s feelings for that person

Is Seok Matthew dating rn?

→ not dating, his heart is broken, not seeking any relationships and is healing his heart

Which idols would be survivors if a zombie apocalypse happened (Group: Skz)

→ Hyunjin, Felix, Han, Changbin and Jeongin would die, Minho would turn into a Zombie so he can bite Chan’s ass

Sunghoon gf

→ [Censored]

[yannaryartside]

In defense of the "I am sorry" sign

images by @drrav3nb

Been thinking about how I think their relationship got closed not despite the sign but because of it.

The "I'm sorry sign" is introduced by Carmy as a method of de-escalation of conflict in the middle of service, something that will allow the people involved to talk about the issues later. The issues are hurt feelings, unclear expectations, miscommunications, and other stuff that can happen when everybody is anxious and trying to go through service by the skin of their teeth. In the season finale, we actually see them use it in this context, but most of the season we feel they used it for things that they actually should be talking about, not just leaving for later.

The "later" part never comes. Across season 2, they used the sign to avoid discussing things they felt scared/guilty about. But, being fair, neither Carmy nor Sydney were ready to discuss what was coming between them. Carmy has depression, anxiety, and abandonment issues that he cannot even process, on top of a relationship that doesn't make him feel completely good, even if he doesn't know why because everything is so great. Sydney is jealous; we don't know if she has processed her feelings for Carmy yet. But she also was counting on him to guide her through this process, and she feels that if she fails, it will be on her, not his lack of leadership, or, yk, that she has never done anything remotely as difficult before. She is drowning in fear, and she wants some sort of support.

STOP Syd and Carmy were explosive/confrontative in expressing their frustration; Sydney is mostly implosive; she deals with her frustration in private, and it takes a lot to make her explode as the others do. She primarily deals with Carmy with bitter questions and sarcastic treatment (she is better than me), and Carmy responds with exasperated attempts to explain himself; he gets defensive the way we know he is used to defending herself in his family (fishes).

But the 'sorry sign' is actually something that they use to stop the escalation of their (personal) conflict. I think the moment they use it in "Bolognese" is a perfect example. They both use the "I am tired" explanation, which is kinda true, but they are not going to the "core" of the issue. But, if anything, they knew they were hurting each other by raising their voices and assigning blame, and they decided they didn't want to hurt each other in any way.

They applied the sorry sign to move to harmony, even with shaky bases. Is a noble intent. It is kind of amazing that by the end of this conversation the conflict is kind of left behind, and they can laught at stupid jokes again. They can be each other again, they can be what they are with each other, even if the pain/hurt is somewhat still there. After all, they are bussines partners only.

What I want to say, is that they could have easily antagonized each other this season and decided not too. I know it doesn't seem as much, but many couples struggle with this; they can take a "are you vs. me" attitude. Carmy and Sydney pause and decide to recognize the other's point of view and needs, and they set up expectations for the future. Mainly, Sydney is clear about the behaviors she will not tolerate, and Carmy expresses his intentions of not disappointing her and how important she and their relationship is to him. Idk if I am explaining it well; I like the fact that they prioritize their partnership, even if they don't know the true nature of it yet. Carmy has a lot of fault on this because, again, it feels like she is covering for him in many ways, but still, the intent is noble; there is love behind it.

[itsdeniini]

𖹭 SUNOO'S FUTURE PATHS IN CAREER 𖹭

(₊˚ʚ🪼₊˚✧ ) note ᰔᩚ ⊹ㅤㅤ۫ㅤ𓆜ㅤ𓈒ㅤׂㅤ🪩 𓇼

i am a self-taught tarot reader, and the interpretations i provide are personal. if anyone would like to share their own insights, i would be more than happy to hear them! please be kind <3

career atm!↪

《ten of wands, eight of swords, the devil》

:c Ah, how do I start? Well, you deserve much better, Sunoo. MUCH BETTER. At the moment, he feels extremely drained, like he's so exhausted by everything that's happening at the moment. it's too much to handle, and the pressure on him is going overdrive. But... he's standing on both feet strong to not disappoint engene. There are a lot of tears, late-night talking, and thoughts like, "Am I doing everything right? I suppose I'm doing a good job and I should push it more; it's still not enough, and I still have a lot of things to bring to the table, but... I feel like losing my ground, and there is a lot of competition surrounding me. How can I maintain myself in a good mood and do my best at the same time when it's so tough and I'm almost worn out? Hm, I should be patient and keep working hard." I've been going through the oracles and they're literally saying that he's been feeling lost and excessively restricted in his career. There is a lot of self-doubt that is plaguing him. deep inside, he wishes he would have the chance to take some control over his own career, but he understands that now that's something surreal, and he has to keep agreeing to the terms of his hard obtained contract and follow the rules that were set for him. And those are impediments that are literally suffocating him and his artistic soul, making him feel like he's not moving further and standing in the same place for too damn long. that's not something that has been happening for just a few months; no, it's been almost 4 years, and there are still a lot of fears to overcome and challenges to face. His inner child may be happy that his mature self managed to pursue his dream career, but at what cost? 

However, he feels a bit more at ease lately as he's getting some opportunities to showcase himself. It's not like he's feeling satisfied with the bare minimum though; that's not even something he's associating himself with because Sunoo is aware he's got the talent, the visuals, and the overall presence that can carry him through his whole life. He knows it's not just a natural gift that was given to him; it's constant hard work he's been putting in for a long time now, and he wants the seeds he planted as a young man to blossom until the time he reaches his peak. That's why now he's trying to snatch every opportunity in his way (in fact, there were a lot of them in the past, but they were all fumbled because of be-) .. ANYWAYS 😌 Sunoo is really thriving at the moment with those little lucky chances he's getting; he knows that's his time to shine, and he wouldn't want to stop any soon.

future career paths! ↪

《the magician, the star, the ace of pentacles》

GRANDIOSE PLANS!

Sunoo will get involved in a lot of activities in the future, BUT there is something... 🐟 .. yeah, something FISHY will be going on. I think there will be a big crew that will manage Sunoo's career, and some of these crew members may not exactly be his perfect co-workers. There will be people who may want to screw him by creating behind-the-scenes rumors or even a whole scandal that revolves around him. It feels like echoes from the past will also reappear and will make themselves known. It will be an unexpected blow to his career. Everything will fall on him at once, and this will be one of the most difficult periods of his life. From here, the energy breaks off, and it’s a little unclear to me what he’s going to do next, since the picture seems to be that this is a fatal knockout that cannot be avoided, but knowing Sunoo, I think he won’t give up without a fight. Still, some outcome is foreseen. This story will have an ending.

But let's talk about the good stuff now!

He is a entertainer. He knows how to 🌟ENTERTAIN🌟 the public!

First of all, he is an incredible fit for the variety shows (and that's not a secret to anyone), so... I think he's most probably thinking of one of his own. It may be a podcast or daily talk show where he would be able to express himself and maybe even talk about his own activities, like something casual, his daily routine, for example, but mainly about photo shoots, his involvement in the media, and most importantly, about his ACTING! Yeah, actor Sunoo is coming, and that career branch of his can even potentially overtake the singing one. Like, we'll be GAGGED when he gets that male lead role (he'll be starting with something BIG; this opportunity will be one of a kind and thus will give him a boost that many newbie actors would wish to have). He will be all over the place, and his singing capabilities will also be used rightfully (he will probably sing an OST?) to attract the audience and gain more attention to his new beginnings in this field. And of course, a lot of individuals will not be happy with that situation because, as I said, some echoes from the past will be sure that this success is thanks to them, and they're the ones who made him famous. This battle for justice will last for some time, and the outcome will become clearer with time. Some things may indicate that the initial stages of this conflict are already behind the scenes at the moment, and when it all becomes public, there will be THAT period when everything will collapse at once.

In addition to the things that I mentioned earlier, there is also the possibility of him starting his own brand, which will initially generate passive income, but then grow into something with a fairly larger impact.

Sunoo may start as a muse for a brand (🧴🌬️) and take this as experience for creating his own thing later. He wants to participate in the making process of his product and then translate this on his platform so he can show everything, from how the idea appeared to how you use it.

Something cute and practical like this, hm?

That was it, I wish Sunoo all the best, I know he'll make it through and we'll be so proud of him! >.<

[moonlightgrisha]

Make a choice

Ch. 7 You feel like you don't belong anywhere, but the Darkling makes you a proposal which helps you make up your mind . [Masterlist] Previous - Next

You need to make a choice.

The tsaritsa called for a private meeting this morning, which you didn't expect at all, not so soon anyway. You left your chambers in the Little Palace to be escorted to the royal quarters. You had left the Grand Palace only a few days earlier, but it already felt so unfamiliar. It used to be your home, but you have no home, now.

The tsaritsa welcomed you like you just came back from a nice visit to Novyi Zem, and asked her servants for tea and biscuits. Then she managed to compliment you for the dress you chose in the morning. You thanked her, but kept feeling slightly suspicious, waiting for the storm to come. And just as you were taking your first sip of tea, she added: "I see you are not wearing a kefta".

"No, I'm not, moya tsaritsa".

"May I ask why?"

You wished you told her it was none of her business. But somehow you managed to take a small sip of tea and then answer, perfectly calm: "My position at the Little Palace is currently... unclear".

She raised an eyebrow. "How odd. General Kirigan seemed already fond of you. But I guessed not everything is how it seems, as you proved us to be, dear".

There it was, the first blow. You smiled and gulped down your tea, hot as your shame.

Your royal cousin stood silent for a little while, before casually saying: "Maybe we could pretend nothing happened".

"Excuse me?"

She leaned over to you, whispering. "I could arrange for you to leave. Disappear. Wouldn't you like that? Living your life, far away. No more talking of summoning, sorcery or whatever all this matter is about".

"This matter is..." you were hurt, somewhere deep inside, because you had realized that you were no more than dust to be swept under the carpet. "I am Grisha, cousin".

"And royal". She remarked. "There are no Grisha in the royal family".

"I am the first".

"Are you?"

She left you wondering, and doubts and questions fell hard on you, like winter rain. How many more Grisha were born in the royal family, and how many disappeared?

And precisely, how did they disappear?

"I'll think of your generous offer", you smiled, hiding your fear and your rage behind the prettiest of smiles.

But now, you storm through the Little Palace. You are done, being a prisoner or waiting for whatever destiny has in store for you. You don't know if you are supposed to be wondering around, and any Grisha on your path would surely wonder what is this polished girl in otkasat'sya clothes doing around their home, but you don't care anymore at this point.

You need to make a choice. And you need to think.

So you run down the stairs, sneak in the stable and reach for your horse, which you missed terribly. While you proceed to saddle him, you think of some witty explanation for anyone who could surprise you right there.

And just as you're tightening the straps under the saddle, you see the Darkling entering the stable.

You stay completely still, while he pats his horse on the head, taking the reins in his hand. You are considering sneaking out unnoticed, when he turns and sees you.

There is a moment of silence. Then he says: "I'm glad to see you out of your chambers".

"That's it?" you snap. "All you have to say?"

"Is there something else you wished I said?"

Not really, but you are still waiting to figure him out, to figure all of this out. You simply shake your head, and turn to leave.

His voice reaches you at your back. "Please, don't leave".

He sounds earnest, just slightly exasperated. You stop.

"I was just about to head out", he continues. "I know how you like riding".

He can't see you over there, but he can feel the smile in your voice. "We already know who's going to win the chase".

"No chasing this time. We ride together".

Maybe it's the way he says it. Maybe it's the words. Eventually, you take you horse and follow outside.

You've been quite unfair to him. He is an exceptional rider. He's also the only person you know in the Little Palace, except for Genya, and even know you don't trust him yet, it feels good not being alone with your thoughts.

You ride side to side, and only sometimes you talk, but not about moon and darkness, destiny or summoning. You talk about the path you are riding, the blurred horizon and the skeleton trees not ready for spring yet.

You don't ask him once where he's taking you. You like to pretend he's taking you far away, further than what the tsaritsa promised you. A place where you can glow with moonlight without fearing to be thrown on the battlefield.

Then you remind yourself that he's the one who's probably going to throw you on the battlefield, and your heart cracks a little.

You stop by a fountain, to let the horse drink plenty. You notice the carvings on the side: skulls, soldiers and sorcery.

"How charming", you mumble, recognising the Black Heretic's tale in the pictures. "To remind me of my duties".

"And what exactly are your duties?" he asks, and that irritates you more than you care to show.

"You perfectly know that". You gesture to the fountain. "Once upon a time darkness fell on the land. Since then, people have been waiting for someone to get rid of their nightmare. It never occurred them that the chosen one might have her own nightmares".

You are no longer looking at him, but you can feel him frowning. "What do you mean?"

You hesitate, but then you tell him. "I've been dreaming about it for years. Shadows. Monsters. Blood".

He stares at you, and doesn't talk. For a moment he seems terrified. Then he smiles.

"Would you believe me if I told you that I took you here because this is one of my favorite spots, and for no other reason whatsoever?"

"No."

He laughs. It's the first time you hear him laughing. You let a smile escape your lips. His eyes are still laughing when he asks: "I expected you to run away on the first day at the Little Palace. Why did you stay?"

The question leaves you speechless. He's right. Why haven't you? "I guess..." you try to collect your thought. Finally, you find them. "I am tired of hiding".

He nods. You are sitting by the fountain, at this point, and he sits next to you, but not too close.

"I would like you to join me on an expedition", he says.

You flinch. "Where? Why?"

"I'm leaving tomorrow for the Fjerdan border. I would like you to come".

"So you are taking me to the batterfield".

"To the border", he remarks. "See with your eyes what the stakes are. What we are fighting for".

You don't answer, so he stands up and goes to kneel in front of you, just like he did on that first night in the Little Palace. The memory makes you blush, but he speaks before you can stand up and leave.

"We fight so that no Grisha will hide anymore", he says, looking at you in the eye. "No one. Ever".

"And there is a price to pay", you whisper.

"Everything has a price". His voice is heavy and regretful, and you almost feel his pain in his words.

You stand up. You feel like a queen with a postulant knight at your feet, and you'd like to think that you have the upper hand, but you also know it's much more complicated than this.

You are the one to give him your hand to help him up, this time. He accepts it with a cunning smile, and even if your skin fizzles as you touch him, you control your power, so that you only glow a little.

"Fine", you say. "I'll come".

At least, today you have made a choice.

Taglist @mysweetlittledesire@flostvs1508@budugu

[thewalrusespublicist]

hello！It seems rare to see your opinion on Paul's songs. I would like to know your thoughts on "However Absurd," a song that constantly lingers in my mind, both for its lyrics and the way Paul sings it. Honestly, whenever I find myself doubting whether they had sexual relationships, I always revert to the moment when Paul clearly mentioned John and their relationship while explaining those lyrics：Something special between us,When we made love the game was over.I couldn't say the words,so I keep talking to you.

Hi anon!

I've never thought about it before but you're right I don't talk about his songs much, even though I love them and have a lot of opinions (shocker lol). To be honest, a big reason is I just haven't been asked!

Saying that, of all the ones to ask about...

However Absurd is like the one ring from LOTR to me. I keep that thing hidden in a drawer in the back of my mind despite its always there lurking: an enigma, a puzzle, an unresolvable question. I take it out sometimes to stare at it and it stares back at me, mocking me with its bloody egg dish. It knows that my take on their dynamic is 'queerplatonic but blurry' and it knows that it raises so many questions that make me doubt everything. It does not care, it delights in toying with me.

But as with all questions from my lovely anons, I'll try my best to give some form of coherent thought! The one good thing about the Pound is Sinking's eviler twin is that Paul did give us something to go off:

“‘Absurd’ was another thing you start off and think ‘Ooh no, that’s too Beatley, so I won’t do it.’ So I resisted it for a little while, but… it was a good system then, why ignore it now?.. .There’s a sort of ‘Walrus’ intro to this track… It’s a style I know and love. The lyrics on this one are a bit bizarre, but then again they make a kind of sense… In the middle it explains itself a bit… ‘Something special between us… Words wouldn’t get my feelings through’. That’s taking off into The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran – there’s a line of his that always used to attract me and John, which was ‘Half of what I say is meaningless, but I say it just to reach you.’”

Paul McCartney, 1986

So, just from the quote alone, we have the following information:

The lyrics are meant to make sense, even if done in a surrealist style

The middle section is the key to everything

The feelings and emotion connect to the phrase that both he and John enjoyed. This phrase is about trying to reach someone even if you can't express yourself properly

The music and theming is nostalgic to late 60s Beatles

Looking at the lyrics with these points in mind, I'm pretty certain one can decipher a basic outline or meaning to the song, however the following is just my interpretation:

However Absurd - Analysis

Ears twitch, like a dog, Breaking eggs in a dish. Do not mock me when I say This is not a lie.

From the off, we are introduced to the themes of unclear communication and vulnerability. If you've seen a dog at dinnertime, they perk up at any suggestion of food. The scrape and crack of eggs against a dish is a sharp sound that a dog's hearing would pick up on. Whatever's being said is enough to grab the attention of the person, but they, like the dog, cannot fully comprehend the meaning. Does the sound mean something for them? Is it for their owner? All they know is the sound is there.

Then the core vulnerability of the song, the fear that the person they are trying to open up to won't take it seriously. This indicates that the person might not accept that the singers feelings are possible or true. The denial suggests either the subject's dim view of the singers emotional depth towards them, or that the singers feelings are out of the ordinary/unexpected.

It's funny thing, half serious, With our hands on our ears. Living dreams with mouths ajar, Wide awake, we go to sleep.

Again, the joke that isn't a joke, the thing that the singer can't outright say.

Now we move to the seemingly current state of play. Our hands on our ears' is reminiscent of the 'speak no evil, hear no evil, see no evil' monkeys. Is this a western or eastern interpretation of the monkeys? Is the singer and the subject (or general society?) refusing to let negative thoughts in, or refusing to hear the truth? Then the 'living dreams' vs 'wide awake' going to sleep dichotomy. There is something absurd and dreamlike about the life both lead that leaves them a little slack-jawed, overwhelmed perhaps by the insanity of their lives. If we were to put Paul into the narrative for a moment, the wide-awake dreaming would makes sense for someone whose dreams are so vivid and waking life so strange, perhaps there's a sense of escapism there. If the first stanza introduces us to the situation of uncertain communication, the second stanza gives us the context of a strange dreamlike existence wherein the singer and the subject avoid the uncomfortable truth, whatever that truth may be.

However absurd, however absurd It may seem. However absurd, however absurd It may seem.

Something special between us, When we made love the game was over. I couldn't say the words, Words wouldn't get my feelings through, So I keep talking to you

This section is supposedly the key and it's quite a bombshell key. This section reveals that the song is nonsensical to reflect that the singer cannot express themselves properly. They keep trying but what they feel is beyond words, or at least, beyond what the singer is able to express in words because crucially, they 'couldn't say them'. Another key point is that this is the only section where the past tense is used. In this framing, the making love was the inciting incident that lead to the current stalemate. What's intriguing to me is if you were to take this in any way autobiographical is that in other songs like Let Me Roll It and in interviews/general anecdotes, Paul expresses that he uses sex as a cover for real emotions and it's his easiest and potentially meaningless (?) form of expressing affection. Paul is very much a sex-first ask and talk about anything later (or never). So why would the game be up if he had sex with someone? It's Paul, he flirts with literally every woman that moves. Why would it even have taken a while to have sex or it be a crossing the threshold moment if its his first port-of-call? These are questions that I will come back to at the end.

However absurd, however absurd It may seem. However absurd, however absurd It may seem.

Custom made dinosaurs, Too late now, for a change. Everything is under the sun, But nothing is for keeps

'Custom made dinosaurs' is an unusual phrase, who are the dinosaurs and who made them? Did they turn themselves into has-been dinosaurs through their own personal issues or are the dinosaurs the people around them? That dinosaurs are perhaps best known for being extinct lends yet another meaning to 'nothing is for keeps'; it's too late to change things between them either because the dinosaurs are too set in their ways ... or because they're dead. The singer and the subject could have had it all, everything under the sun, but they couldn't keep it, either because what they had or the other person is no longer here.

However absurd, however absurd It may seem. However absurd, however absurd It may seem.

The final refrain. Normally the chorus connects a song together but here its doing double duty by reinforcing the central meaning of the song. The singer will keep talking to the subject; no matter how nonsensical, no matter how meaningless, they will never stop trying to reach them.

Overview of the song

So in a rough translation of the song: The singer keeps trying to reach someone, to tell them something that the singer feels too afraid to speak of and that the subject might not believe to be true. Whatever the truth is is either preposterous to the subject or is framed in a funny/light-hearted way that gives the singer an 'out' emotionally. The pair lived/live in a half dream-like reality which renders them unable to communicate their feelings or allows them to avoid them. Whatever the situation, this fragile peace/ignorance was ruined when the pair consummated their relationship and things were never the same, exacerbated by the continued difficulty of the singer to convey their feeling. The last two stanzas are a sad contradiction. They had the potential to have everything and they squandered it and it's now too late to go back or change anything BUT the singer will keep trying, no matter how absurd the attempt is.

So, what the hell to make of it?

Well, I mean...well. Like I mean ... it's the timing of the mid 1980s, it's the similar theming to another song confirmed to be at least partially about John ('This One') as well as the sentiments expressed about John in several interviews/'Broad Street', the nostalgic reminisces to the late 60s and most of the presentation of the relationship and living in a dream-like world. I mean come ON. And yh, if this song was taken to be entirely autobiographical and entirely about John then yes, the middle section is explosive. There's no two ways about it. Hidden in the last track of one of Paul's albums is the revelation he and John had a romantic relationship and that they slept together.

But there are a few problems with this viewpoint that make me hesitate. The first is the fundamental issue of taking songs as a 1-1 autobiographical account of events as that's just not how songwriting works, especially not how Paul's writing works. Songwriting is often autobiographical but not necessarily in an 'this is x from my real life, I love x. Here's a song entirely about x. Yay for x'. A lot of songs are like that true, but in many cases it's more a 'this is x from my real life that has inspired feelings. I'm writing a song about those feelings and inserting them into a song about a fantasy relationship with y. As it's a fantasy I can also pull feelings from my other real life relationships with Z and Q. Therefore the song is inspired by X but contains elements not applicable to X as the relationship has been fictionalised.' A perfect example is 'Don't go jumping into waterfalls' which started out as feelings of protectiveness Paul had towards his children but then morphed into a romantic song. Even if he was heavily inspired by John and their late Beatles work, it doesen't rule out the relationship depicted in the song being made-up or based on other relationships throw in as well.

Adding on to this is Paul's own words in interviews and general response. This is probably better in another post but, hell its my blog and I'm just going to say it: to my mind there has been nothing Paul has ever said that has indicated that his relationship with John ever got to having sex. Have some of his interviews, comments and song lyrics about John come across as blurring the boundary between platonic and romantic? Yeah, especially the 'if I was a girl' and 'confessing all our past affairs' and 'last mistake' malarkey. But most of these come across as Paul grappling with something he himself does not quite understand/has yet to come to terms with. Paul has also been quite emphatic about his love for John being brotherly and there have been no rumours of Paul being bisexual outside of his relationship with John. Am I willing and open to believe Paul is perhaps concealing something? Yes in theory, but I would need a lot more evidence than what has currently been laid out.

It's this contradiction that has me in such a bind about However Absurd. For my reading of the current evidence to work, I have to believe that the song was only partially inspired by John or by something else we don't know about (which itself is plausible, we read into songs what we know, especially if we don't have the full picture). In addition, I also have to believe that the weirdness of sex as a 'no turning back' moment despite that not being how Paul works at all in his relationship with women is due to it being a made up circumstance. In that reading, I have to ignore how confessional and weirdly specific it all seems and the sense that the emotions and circumstances are being concealed. Then there's the feeling that whoever the middle section of the Pound is Sinking is about is also the subject of this song. That's nothing but my gut talking but this feels like a continuation of that song and if that is the case, then there was a real life muse for both.

On the other hand, if I just throw caution to the wind and say 'yep, this is a confession' I have to chuck out most of what Paul has said in both public and what we know he said privately over the past 50 or so years. Am I willing to do that for a line in an highly ambiguous, potentially at least partially fictional song? No, that would be poor reasoning. But that doesen't mean everything sits right with me.

I'm really sorry anon I usually can come up with better than this but this song is like a kill-switch for my brain. There just isn't enough information and context available for me to come up with a better take on However Absurd. Weirdly, I think that was the point, I'm not sure we as listeners were ever meant to. There are some things that Paul wants to keep under wraps, and I personally believe However Absurd might be one of them.

[kevainthemultiverse]

Chapter 2 - Escape

Pairing: Kate Bishop x Fem!Reader

Summary: Kate's past comes crashing down on her when Kingpin's mafia makes her their new target.

Warnings: Invasions, murder, mentions of death, I put the slow in slow burn, cursing, fighting.

Word Count: 1.2K

I Chapter One I Chapter Two I Chapter Three I Chapter Four I Chapter Five I Chapter Six I Chapter Seven I Chapter Eight I

I Masterlist I

The bold phrase was on repeat on Kate’s mind, mingling with a flood of questions racing through her thoughts.

“Because I’m your only chance at survival.”

If the stranger was her only chance to survive, why was that? As a matter of fact, how did she even get the information Kate would be in danger? Was she trustworthy or leading the archer into a trap? The stranger’s attire mirrored that of the invaders she had killed, sparking uncertainty and suspicion in Kate’s mind, overshadowing any semblance of trust she might have harbored.

Positioned in front of the archer as a shield, gun in hand, the stranger exuded calculated confidence. Kate’s protests were stifled by fear of the gun’s deadly potential and her own survival instincts. She realized she had little choice but to obey and hope for the best. She also had an agenda of her own. Once the woman gets her out of the apartment, she’ll bolt.

They slowly make it out to the corridor, where another man waited hidden in the shadows. They get jumped by someone that was built like a distant relative of Hulk’s. Both the guy and Kate had little time to process as the woman between them react, a kick between the legs had him on his knees, whimpering before she took his head and smashed against metal railing with such force, it bended. Dazed, the man barely had chance to respond before he was shoved down the stairs with ruthless efficiency. Her swift and decisive actions hinted at a deeper knowledge of combat tactics, even more deadly than the invaders swarming around.

Bullets pierced the air, prompting the stranger to retrieve her gun and usher Kate back to the relative safety of the bedroom. Kate’s heart pounded in her chest as she grappled with the gravity of the situation. How many adversaries were they facing? Was escape even possible? 

“Fuck.” She complained in an angry sigh, breathing heavily. 

“Do you think we can take them?” Kate asked, starting to believe that it wasn’t so bad that the stranger was there, saving her. Yes, she was shady and killed two – possibly three – people with ease, but there was no way she would get out of there alone.

“Now’s not the moment to make questions, but yes.” The woman hissed, her urgency justified by the noises coming through: the invaders were strategically moving to be able to get both.

The archer almost groans at the rudeness but chooses silence over confrontation. Observing the stranger’s tense demeanor, Kate sensed an undercurrent of desperation beneath her steely exterior as she tapped her vest and got a hold of something unclear.

“How long can you hold your breath?” The woman’s hand grazed Kate’s arm, prompting a surge of adrenaline as she braced herself for the unknown.

The whispered question was serious, Kate wasn’t. And in the face of danger, she impulsively used the stranger’s words against her. “That’s a question.”

“Bishop.” The woman says, more serious than before.

“I don’t know!” Kate’s mind raced, grappling with the unexpected query. “Thirty seconds?” She ventured, uncertainty tingeing her voice. 

“It’ll have to do.” the stranger replied tersely, revealing a bomb, and issuing swift instructions. “This will make it difficult for them to see us, but when it explodes do not breath in or you’ll pass out. When I run, go to the door to the rooftop and hide, I’ll be behind you. Got it?”

Kate gives her a short and fast nod, pulse quickening as she absorbed the gravity of their predicament.

The stranger nods and pulls the pin, holding it for a second before throwing it high. The explosion rocked the apartment, casting chaos and confusion in its wake, fog rapidly gaining space as the invaders screamed downstairs. Kate stopped breathing and followed as the woman rushed outside, shooting someone that was coughing on the steps. 

“Run!” The stranger commanded, her voice the only thing grounding Kate in the chaos. 

Kate sprinted with a newfound sense of purpose, her senses heightened by fear and desperation. She wanted to curse herself and the way she double checked if every door was locked before sleeping, until she turned the doorknob and saw the way to her freedom. There was nothing and no one in the rooftop but darkness, she sought refuge behind a weathered air conditioning unit, her breaths ragged and shallow. Moments later, the stranger appeared, her presence a welcome reassurance amidst the turmoil. 

“C’mon, we don’t have much time.” Her savior urged, extending a hand to Kate.

Gripping the stranger’s hand with trembling fingers, Kate allowed herself to be pulled to her feet. As they fled down the fire escape, Kate’s mind buzzed with conflicting emotions. Fear warred with relief, uncertainty mingled with gratitude.

Kate regretted many things in life, and still being weak despite years of training was one of them. Blindly following someone that so easily kills, hopping on a motorcycle with an unknown destination, all while praying it wouldn’t lead to a trap, only added to her list of regrets. It was stupid, she should’ve run away already.

Their destination, an abandoned warehouse, did little to ease her unease.

“Are you trying to get me alone to kill me?” Kate half-joked as they entered the dusty and dark place, removing the helmet as the stranger closed the door behind them.

“Don’t you think I could’ve done that already?” The woman's tone held no trace of amusement, revealing a simmering impatience as she maneuvered her bike deeper into the warehouse.

Seeking answers to quiet her racing mind and pounding heart, Kate pressed further. "Okay, then explain to me how someone I don’t know was out to protect me, dressing just the same as the people who attempted to murder me?"

The other remained silent at first, leading them to a secluded room that – once the door was open – stood out amidst the warehouse's dilapidated surroundings. Clean and organized, it held a backpack, and two sleeping bags. The stranger moved with familiarity, retrieving a powerful flashlight from one of her many pockets and illuminating the room before starting to shed the glasses, helmet and balaclava. As she turned to face Kate, the archer was struck by her beauty despite the disheveled appearance and traces of blood – that clearly wasn’t hers – on her face. 

But now was not the time for such thoughts.

“Long story short, you managed to piss off the king of New York.” The woman stated matter-of-factly, her gaze as serious as her voice as she removed her bulletproof vest. “You thought you could use your family’s company to search here, hack there and no one would notice or care because you’re a star athlete that barely has time to breathe between maintaining a 4.8 GPA and competitions for an overwhelming amount of sports.”

Kate lifted her chin defiantly, attempting to mask her uncertainty with her usual unwavering confidence. "I have no idea what you’re talking about."

The woman emitted a dry chuckle before meeting Kate’s gaze once again. “I suggest you start jogging that memory of yours, Bishop, because the bounty in that pretty head of yours is enough to move an entire army.”

Kate's throat tightened at the revelation, feeling cornered and vulnerable, the echoes of her past struggles resurfacing once again. Under different circumstances, she was now Derek Bishop facing the barrel of a gun.

Previous I Next

[windmaedchen-oceanhorn]

Knight of the Dark

We can't do anything

This chapter has 3.900 words. Teeny rating.

Valen closed the broken door to the office as best as he could when he entered it once more in the afternoon. He had just come back from another round through the building and all seemed settled and well. There is technically a strict sequence in command but since General Hogan was the first on the spot as well as being highly respected by all, he had started to give orders to deal with the aftermath. With Berial's disappearance, all the Hypofiends retreated as well, allowing the soldiers to treat their wounded and return to their normal posts. Apart from General Lorenzis no one has died, but there are three severely wounded soldiers who will take some time to recover. Lavinia was treated in the medical wing as well, being more burned out than seriously injured. The situation was messy and unclear, so for the time being she was considered a prisoner and guarded non-stop. At least, as far as Valen could ascertain, the people believed the Hypogean was behind everything, which lightened the burden on her at least a little bit.

Valen walked past the dark stain on the floor. The General's body had been removed already, but the rest of the office was still in shambles. He walked across the room to the small seating area near the large balcony windows, where General Hogan and SONYA along with her familiars were seated.

"Valen, how is the situation?" the General asked.

"Quiet, orderly. Nothing but a few signs of battle remain."

"Good." Hogan nodded. He then adjusted his position and gestured Valen to take a seat as well.

"Now. Let's talk. It seems you are familar with Lavinia? I hope you can tell me exactly what transpired here, but first, I should probably tell you why I am here in the first place. I came in hopes of preventing this. Shortly after you left, I received a letter from Lavinia."

Hogan pulled out a folded paper from his small bag by his belt, along with a Heroic Order insignia. Valen leaned forward and grabbed the insignia. It had Lavinia's name and number written on the back. It seems she had given up her title and position before pulling through with her actions. With a sigh, he placed it back down.

"She did not fully explain, but I understood nonetheless the seriousness of her position. She said 'there is something I must do'... and I inferred this might happen. I came here as fast as I could but ... it was not soon enough. So please, do tell me, what do you know about this?"

Valen exchanged a look with SONYA. At the moment, it was probably best to be honest and trust in the Generals judgement. Just as they had contemplated to do anyway. He summed up the events of the last two days and retold Lavinia's story of how it came to all of this. The General's hums turned into deep introspective purrs, as he clearly contemplated the situation and his approach. 

Valen felt a restlessness growing, due to the General's silence. He knew that the General didn't easily get agitated even in serious situations, a trait Valen greatly admired, but at this moment, he was more irked than inspired. He started to fear that maybe the General wasn't going to act at all.

"So... what is going to happen now?", he inquired impatiently.

Hogan sighed.

"If you are asking for the fate of your friend... I hope you need not worry too much."

"You hope? What is that supposed to mean?"

"That the true, final decision is not in my hands. As you have already found out, the situation in which she found herself in involves the most powerful of the realm. I will try to divert the attention away from her to the Hypogean, without whom none of this would have happened, but I cannot guarantee success"

"General, can you please be more precise? What do you mean?"

"Calm your nerves. Let me say it this way. Her files tell us that Lavinia's been kept officially within the Order for the last 4 months. Her absence was explained at first by being on a special errand which kept the questions down. Her unfortunate return is accompanied and, in fact, overshadowed, by the Hypogean. The General's death is attributed to him, ultimately. And that is what we have witnessed. I intend to utilize this narrative. She was corrupted by the Hypogean and taken advantage of. Her failure was to remain steadfast in the temptation and I shall advocate for a light sentence."

Valen slid his fingers through his hair as he contemplated these words. A light sentence sounded good. He could see how people might still fault her for these events, but ... given the pressure she had to endure, he doubted that most of these people, if they had been in her place, would have been able to act any differently.

"Alright... but... what about the rest?"

General Hogan shook his head. "I am not sure. This is a rather sensitive subject. I am afraid, I'm inclined to do nothing."

"Nothing?! General Lorenzis might be dead, but what about the Captain? He's involved in this mess as well, not to mention the fact that the Heroic Order might still be involved in human trafficking at this very moment!"

"Yes. That may very well be. But you don't grasp the severity of the situation if we were to do anything about it. I order you to stay put."

"Are you afraid to end up like Lavinia? Surely you have much greater power than she has, and the necessary connections! It is a great injustice to leave it like that. It kicks all the ideals and vows of the Heroic Order into the dust."

Valen became agitated and he shifted to the front of the seat. Did General Hogan seriously suggest condoning the abuse of the vulnerable within the Order itself? He couldn't be serious about that.

"Valen, surely, even before you have joined me, you must have realised that some things are outside of your control. Even you had to make the painful experience that not everything and everyone can be rescued."

"Yes, but at least I damn tried!", he blurted back in defence. 

"And it got you into trouble more than once, too. I have gotten you out of not just one situation exactly the same way as I am trying to protect your friend right now. The people you are aiming to get behind bars are the people ... are the very same people running this Empire. You are more likely to survive the front lines against the Hypogeans than a fight against your own ruling establishment."

"I... do not believe it. General Lorenzis was said to be a man like you, how can he distribute children to the elite and get away with it? How can THEY possibly get away with this? We have proof, let's recover the notebook, let's establish an investigation with trusted members only, we really have an opportunity to do something here, why can't you consider that?"

"Don't get me wrong. If I do come across any shady business within the Order, I will not ignore it. But my actions very much depend on a risk versus benefit analysis and in this case, trust me, Valen, it is not worth it. I am forced to explain this to the King and I am not looking forward to this conversation. I am not immune to repercussions, regardless of my reputation, and if the King and the others feel any concern about my  intentions, they will not lose a second to remove any traces that might implicate them."

Valen scoffed in anger. He held great respect for the General, but right now, he disappointed him greatly. He did not hold back in his words, as he never had.

"You are just scared. Like all the rest of those who know. Lavinia was the only one trying to act, and she got beaten down into the mud for it. But at least she didn't just stand by like you intend to do! I don't think I can follow your orders in good conscience, General."

To underline his resistance and resolve to do something Valen stood up, holding tightly to the handle of this sword. Though he couldn't help the small tremor in his hand. General Hogan remained seated but Valen thought he saw a bit of nervousity in his superior.

"Sit back down, Valen. As long as you are under my command, you will listen to my orders and refrain from any actions in this matter."

For a moment Valen's eyes were locked onto the Generals and they stared tensly at each other. Valen had to admit, that he had no idea how to approach this giant of a case, but he thought, under the General's leadership, they could have done the greatest secret operation in the history of the Heroic Order. Unfortunately, the longer he stared at the General's eyes, the more he was certain the General wouldn't do a single thing about it and the frustration got the upper hand of him. If he could not count on the General's help... then he would have to do it himself. Alone, if he had to. He knew of this problem and he could not turn away. It wasn't his style to leave children and women unprotected when something could be done. His eyes searched for a small, metal item already on the table. He took a deep, shaky inhale and then hurriedly removed his own insignia from his vest.

"..."

He didn't know what to say, so he just put the medal down right next to Lavinia's and then hurried out of the office.

------------------------------------------------

Valen briskly walked along the road away from the Heroic Order headquarters. He was frustrated, angry even. With the General and with himself. He clenched his fist around his sword's hilt so tightly that when he tried to relax he couldn't open his fist for a moment. So he stood a moment and turned towards the house wall, rubbing his hands.

He just didn't want to accept either option. If he did nothing, he struggled with his conscience about the large-scale injustice conducted right under their noses. But if he did something, he couldn't count on the help of the people he trusted. And attempting to do things alone was difficult... and he did fear to end up like Lavinia. Who would willingly want to walk into that? Which consequences did he fear more? Those of action or inaction? His right hand came to rest on his shoulder, where the insignia used to be. 

"Damn...why could I not have kept my mouth shut?"

He chuckled slightly to himself before sighing deeply. He needed to calm down.

At first, he turned around with the intent to get himself a drink in the nearby tavern but then, he suddenly remembered Lavinia's request to go see her mother. He actually would really like that. For a few years, he had seen her mother more than his own and did come to like her way more than his other caretakers. It would probably do his heart good to see her.

He lifted his hand to summon the next available carriage. He knew the address but it would take too long to get there by foot. The carriage brought him to a quiet neighbour of the capital. It wasn't the middle class, but not run down either. The people living here didn't have much, but they had enough to care for it. The long rows of small double-floor houses reminded him much of his old home where this kind of architecture was very prevalent.

The door to the right place was already open. He could see through the corridor inside into another room at the back, as well as the open backdoor to the garden. He carefully stepped close and knocked loudly on the door frame.

"Hello? Anyone at home?"

"Yeeeeees! Come through, come through. You can put everything here on the table."

Valen didn't exactly know what she was talking about, but he did enter and went straight to the kitchen. He found her standing by the stove, watching over a small pot of boiling water.

"Hello, Mama Lisa. You look great, I hope you are also doing well?" He gave her a fond smile. She had grown older but she was still the beautiful woman he remembered her to be. 

She looked over at him in surprise but nearly immediately her features relaxed and her face displayed a joy that warmed Valens heart. She began to fumble a little and tried to move but it only made him step closer to support her. 

"Oh goodness gracious, it is you! Valen! You have grown so much! Are you alright? I never imagined you'd just drop by like that."

Valen saw what Lavinia had told them about. Mama Lisa only had a very rudimentary replacement for her leg and moving was clearly difficult. When she stretched out her hands to touch his arms he, too, gently held her by the shoulders. But when she tried to touch his face and hair, he couldn't help but try evade her in childlike resistance.

"Hey, don't ruin my hair."

"Oh, please, if that is how you try to woo the ladies, you got to do a lot better! Let me get you a brush, how can I let you leave like that?"

Valen chuckled and gently stopped her from trying to get past him. She couldn't stop worrying about his hair, it seems, regardless of it being much shorter now than it was back then.

"No, no, please, it is fine the way it is. Don't forget about your cooking, hm?"

Mama Lisa was convinced quickly as she turned back round to check the hob. 



"Right, I mustn't forget. Let's get these eggs out of there." 



She looked around to grab her gloves but Valen interfered again. 

"Please, may I help? Let me do this."

With a fond smile, Mama Lisa carefully hobbled backwards and made room for Valen to take over. He was tasked to empty the water down the drain and cool off the eggs with fresh water, followed by one of his favourite exercises: peeling the cooked eggs.

So he sat down by the table behind them, carefully freeing the eggs from their shells and placing them inside another pot full of delicious mustard sauce. He remembered this very dish very fondly, and just like today Mama Lisa had always asked him and Lavinia to peel the eggs. Even though he had food some time ago, he felt like he could eat the entire pot straight away. Of course, his hungry eyes did betray his thoughts and Mama Lisa invited him to join her for a bite. Coming here had been a very good choice. If only the circumstances weren't so bitter.

Once he was done, he also followed her directions to get them both a plate, spoon and a cup of water. Finally, only the potatoes were missing, which he also put on the table.

"There we go. I hope you enjoy it" she said.

"Without a doubt. I cannot thank you enough for your hospitality. Now and back then."

"You do not need to thank me. As a mother, it is my duty to love and provide for my child and you have always been a son to me. I just wanted to see you well fed... and happy."

Her words were sincere, but when she was finished, it seemed something saddened her, and Valen could figure what that was. He suddenly remembered that Lavi had mentioned she couldn't even write to her mother during the last months. Maybe Mama Lisa didn't even know that she was back?

"Mama Lisa, you know she's alright? Given the circumstances, that is. I have seen her just a moment ago."

"Oh, you have? Is she alright, please tell me she's ok?"

Valen nodded. "She's lightly injured and exhausted but will recover. It might take a moment longer, but I am sure you'll be able to see her again soon."

"By Dura's name, I am glad to hear it. I haven't really seen her since she left on that special mission the Order gave her. When I asked at the offices, they said she was doing fine but when I saw her yesterday... she just stood on the other side of the street, she waved and then ran off. What on earth happened? Do you know?"

Valen did but he felt it was better if Lavinia told her mother whatever she wanted to tell her. So he slowly shook his head.

"I think it's best if she told you herself. You'll be able to see her at the headquarters. Not today, as they still sorting out a few things, but I am certain that if you go there tomorrow, you will not be sent away."

Mama Lisa smiled sadly and rubbed her eyes clear from a small tear that had formed. 

"I shall go tomorrow. Thank you for being a bearer of good news! You always meant happiness, even if you children did get into trouble on occasion."

"On occasion?! Hahahaha, Mama Lisa, we were ALWAYS in trouble."

They both laughed for a moment. It was good to remember the past so fondly. As they ate, Mama Lisa inquired about Valen's current personal situation. He hesitated quite a bit to answer. If she had asked him two days ago, he could have told her the most entertaining stories but right now, as far as he was concerned, he was without a job and unhappy, too.

"Well..."

"Oh, you don't have to tell me, Valen. I just want to know if you are happy."

"Not really, unfortunately."

Mama Lisa didn't say anything but the way she leaned forward to look at him told Valen she was not only curious but concerned. He sighed and keeping his eyes on his plate, he answered.

"I was a Knight of the Heroic Order, too, you know. But ... earlier today, I gave away my badge. I didn't really want to wear it if it meant being forced to act against my conscience. And as you can see, I am not too happy about it."

For a moment Mama Lisa said nothing. But then she nodded. 

"And your conscience is driving you to action while your superiors ask you to follow their orders?"

"Yes."

"And you gave away your insignia so you would be free to act?"

"Yes." Valen sighed. "That ... was the idea. But I am not certain it was the right decision."

Mama Lisa hummed in response. 

"Are you going to follow through?"

Valen moaned a little. There was no point in denying it: he wasn't sure he could. This was a giant beast of a case and as much as he would like to just run up personally to every single offender and give them a good beating, he didn't want to do things by the same illegal means as they did either. Ever since he joined the Heroic Order he found satisfaction in the fact that he was able to deal with injustice in a fair and legally approved manner. That is not to say the regulations of the Order were perfect, on the contrary, sometimes liberties had to be taken to ensure a fair and just treatment of victims and offenders. But in such cases, he had the General on his side and that meant a lot to him. This time... he did not. He was alone and he didn't like that.

When he didn't say anything for a while, Mama Lisa took the moment to relay some of her experiences. She looked straight at him, her expression bearing a hint of torment.

"You know that Lavinia's father died on duty, don't you? He wanted to protect a group of young abducted Wilder children but was killed in the ensuing fight. Unfortunately, so were these children and Lavinia and I were left behind alone. My husband had done this without the approval of his superiors, following only his instinct of justice. Thankfully, due to his previous spotless record, he was able to find his eternal rest without dishonour, after having ignored such a direct order given. Now don't get me wrong, I do hold my husband's selfless action in great esteem but... it admit, it also feels like a betrayal to his daughter and me. If only he had stopped himself from jumping to action so headlessly just this one time, then maybe... he would still be with us. Still being able to help others as he always wanted."

Valen remained quiet for a while. He understood very well. He also would have run into the battle head-first. He hardly ever hesitated when there was something to protect. At the same time, he didn't have a family to take care of. It was just him and the world. He didn't need to consider his actions beyond the simple idea of whether those he aimed to protect would be safe.

Mama Lisa sighed. 

"All I want is for you to consider this: Jumping to action isn't always good.  Questioning your instincts and evaluating your response to them more carefully can have results that are better for you personally, better for those few people around you who love you and in fact, be better for those who have no one else to be protected by."

Valen wasn't sure he could disagree. But until now, he always believed that what he did was the right thing. What could ever justify his walking away from a situation when he could do something? Then again, if he was so convinced of his own actions, he wouldn't feel so stupid right now.

"I just wish I could help and it bugs me that where I see an option, others don't want to take action as much as I do."

"I understand. These are not easy situations to deal with. Even more why you must stop on occasion and think about what effect your actions would have, to you, to others around you and not just now, but also further down the line in the future. But I know young people always struggle with the idea of a slow approach... "

Mama Lisa gently giggled and smiled at him. "But you young ones are also the ones driving progress, too, so we best try to get along nicely. Hm? Oh, do you want a little more?"

She stared at his now empty plate and offered him another potato. He gently nodded his head. One more would be perfect.

He wasn't sure what more to say to that and so their conversation moved to shallower waters. When they had finished their meal, Valen helped Mama Lisa with the washing up and when it was time to say good-bye he gave her a gentle hug. He thought he'd be doing her a favour by the gesture, but he couldn't deny that he, too, felt glad for the motherly embrace.

Valen was still undecided but he returned to the headquarters with more ease than before.

[squgs]

HOTD and Ambiguity

So given that House of the dragon covers nearly 20 years of history (30 if you count the prologue), and a shit ton of characters in ten hours of television there's a lot of events that we don't see and ambiguities around characters. Characters rarely state their motivations and there are reasons to doubt them when they do. It is very easy to make wildly different claims about characters which, while incompatible with each other, can't really be disproved by the show so far. For example Daemon can be a pedo groomer abuser who just wants the throne, or a feminist malewife who will do anything for his queen. Neither of those are explicitly disproven by what we see on screen, though that is not to say that they're equally reasonable readings (I think that the 2nd is pretty ridiculous to be honest).

These different readings of scenes and characters and lines have contributed to the pretty ugly fandom discourse since there is enough evidence for mutually exclusive claims to argue extensively. Whoever your favorite character is you can twist the shown events in order to make them seem like a hero and for everyone who opposes them to be terrible. However I don't have anything worthwhile to say on that, so I want to talk about the writing on its own instead.

Now having uncertain motives can be interesting writing wise (show don't tell and all that), but I think that as House of the Dragon's first season continued it ran into more and more problems around this, especially with the time jumps and actor changes. When character's motives and wants are unclear after the time jumps first impressions are what will decide how most people view them. So when we first see Rhaenyra giving birth, and we first see Alicent trying to separate a newborn from her mother, and we first see Criston calling Rhaenyra a slur and we first see Harwin being a protective father and we first see Aegon bullying his brother, it adds up. Those first impressions are then applied forward and backwards leading to the idea that Alicent and Criston have been abusing Rhaenyra for ten years, and that in the training yard Criston the incel fucked around with Harwin and then found out (my read is that Criston the step-dad took advantage of Harwin being an entitled ass to get him fired).

(Side note about Criston: While the exact thinking behind his downward spiral in episode 5 is ambiguous, the scene between him and Rhaenyra in episode 4 is unambiguously rape given that he tells her to stop and she doesn't.)

In that way the show encourages very one sided readings of complicated and ambiguous scenes, leading to people either being annoyed that the show ignores all the terrible things that the greens are doing, or that it's unfairly biased against them. That's a problem, but things don't completely fall apart until episodes 9 and 10 when people start going to war. For all of the characters we still have no idea what they are fighting for. If we ask why Alicent crowns Aegon we have a bunch of possible answers:

Because she thinks Viserys told her to. This is stupid and I hate it.

Because she fears for her children's lives. This is a good reason, but it has not been brought up since episode 6 despite episodes 7 and 8 both featuring moments that would certainly validate that fear.

Internalized misogyny. This one makes no sense to me, and I haven't seen any convincing evidence for Alicent specifically having more internalized misogyny than any of the other women on the show. However it could be interesting if it was actually seen beforehand.

Ambition and pride. This isn't really seen in the show, but it certainly seems like an understandable feeling for Alicent to have after suffering through an abusive marriage for 20 years and being denied the two things that women are promised through marriage (her husband's protection of her and her children, and the inheritance of her son)

Now if we ask why Rhaenyra wants the crown enough to go to war for it (she agrees to lay siege to king's landing before Luke dies so I'm ignoring that) we have a similarly confusing list of possibilities:

Her dad told her to. This is the reason that I think fits best, but it isn't really delved into. I think there would be a lot of rich interesting stuff with Rhaenyra evaluating her father's legacy and whether she wants to continue it, but Rhaenyra never seems to acknowledge how much bad shit her father has done.

So she can fulfill the prophecy. This is stupid.

Ambition and pride. Also aren't really seen, but certainly understandable and believable.

She fears for her children. This also isn't really shown at all, but you could argue that she fears her children will be killed either to protect Aegon's claim or to put an actual Valeryon on the throne of Driftmark. However we don't really know Rhaenyra's view of the political situation.

To destroy the patriarchy. This would be interesting, but we don't really see her wanting to do that. We do see her usurp Baela's claim to Driftmark in episode 8 though.

These issues get even worse with the more minor characters, the worst example being Rhaenys for whom all her possible motivations contradict her previous actions and opinions:

To protect/honor her grand daughters: if this is what she wants why doesn't she take Alicent's offer of Driftmark, giving her granddaughters an inheritance and keeping them out of the war?

To protect Luke and Jace: she never shows them any affection except maybe in the background of the eye gouging aftermath.

Feminism: if she is willing to go to war in order to have a queen on the iron throne why didn't she fight for her own claim?

Because she wants peace: then why didn't she accept Alicent's offer which was made in the name of peace? Literally as soon as she and Corlys put their support behind Rhaenyra, Rhaenyra stops considering making peace.

Because she trusts Rhaenyra more than the greens: Why? She thinks that Rhaenyra and Daemon killed at least one of her children, she saw Daemon murder her brother in law and we have no reason to think she knows of any misdeeds done by the greens.

All these unclear motivations make the themes of the stories non-existent. The dance could have all sorts of different thematic meanings, all built around what is being fought for and against. It would be fascinating if Alicent and Rhaenyra were both fighting for ambition, making the show about how women are pitted against each other by patriarchy or if they were both fighting for their children and the show is about the cruelty of the system that doesn't allow power to be shared and forces branches of families to fight until one side is wiped out. However, for any meaning to be clear the writers have to know what it is and they have to write their characters with that meaning in mind. Hopefully the show can be more clear going forward, but I don't exactly expect that, and I think that without a coherent set up it's not going to mean much when bodies start dropping next season.

[not-alien-girl-v]

Ross fluff please!

Kiss Me Kiss Me (Ross Macdonald)

note: cuz i don’t knoooow if i can let you gooooo. short fluff also idrk where i was going with this but i just started my period and was like wow i bet ross would be a great boyfriend and then i pumped out this

1.5k

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

something’s been off all day. it was unclear at first, but throughout the course of the day, you analyzed the clues.

you knew it was odd how irrationally angry you got at your roommate, violet, for asking if you knew where her shoes went. you don’t even share the same shoe size, it seemed like such an obvious answer, yet you still snapped at her far too quickly.

then later, when you were cleaning up some clothes from your bedroom, you were hit with an awful cramp in your lower stomach. these things, when put together could only mean one thing, but you chose to ignore the signs until you bled through your favorite underwear.

they were lace, white, expensive, but most importantly, they were from ross on valentine’s day. you planned on inviting him over tonight to have a little fun while violet went out to the club but nature had other plans for you.

you were so upset about it that you forgot to talk to him all day.

violet’s plans got cancelled tonight, so she proposed a small movie night in, starting with the first scream movie and working your way forward.

the two of you are bundled up together on the couch, under various blankets, caged in by dozens of throw pillows and a big bowl of popcorn you’re passing around.

the movie comes to a rather suspenseful moment, and she starts yelling at the tv for the girl on the screen to not open that door, though it’s obvious she will anyway because she’s stupid. suddenly, the front door of your own apartment swings open, revealing a tall, shadowy figure standing menacingly in the doorway.

you scream in unison with her.

the figure quickly reaches to flick the living room light on, and once your eyes adjust to the blinding light, your fear is subsided as you realize it’s just ross.

violet breaks out into laughter. “jesus, you scared the shit out of us,” you say as you stand to approach him. you pull him into the kitchen to talk while your friend press play on the movie, quickly forgetting his presence.

you lead him to lean against the counter as you trap him in with your arms resting next to either side of his hips on the counter.

“hi, darling,” he says sweetly, his head tilted down to look at you due to the height difference. being so close to him and how good he smells leaves you temporarily without words, so instead, you work your arms underneath his to wrap around him tightly, smushing your head into his chest.

he doesn’t let you indulge in is quite yet, placing his large hands onto your shoulders, pulling you away to hold you at arms length.

“what happened to you today, hmm? didn’t answer my calls, my texts, you worried me, hun.” his tone is so ridiculously sweet and lovey it’s almost shocking.

“i’m sorry,” you don’t know why tears begin to brim in your eyes, it’s just that he’s being so gentle with you, it makes your heart ache a bit.

“hey, hey, don’t cry, i’m not upset with you, i’m just worried. a little more now, since i made you cry. sorry for doing that, by the way.” he’s holding your face tenderly between both hands, and with his thumb, he wipes away the first tear that falls from your eye.

he hums, “i think i know what’s up with you, and if i’m wrong then you can totally beat me up, but is it your period?”

you laugh through a few stray tears and lead forward to hide in his chest, still feeling overwhelmed at the way he’s looking at you. “you know me too well, macdonald.”

his right hand strokes the back of your head a few times, holding you in place close to him like you’re going to slip away. “what can i do for you, baby?”

you pull back enough to look him in the eye. “ugh, i don’t know. i’ve felt so icky and gross all day. i was gonna invite you over tonight and i was wearing the underwear you got me for valentine’s day but i bled through it and it made me so sad i just gave up, i guess.”

he rubs up and down on your back. he glances past you for a moment, then looks back at your waiting face. “you hungry?”

you nod, excited at where his words could be leading.

“you want me to make you dinner?”

you almost interrupt him with your ecstatic ‘yes.’

he detaches from you, making his way over to the fridge to pull out some ingredients then gets cooking. he turns the burner on on the stove and glances over his shoulder at you. "ask her if she wants any, yeah?"

apparently he didn't see you staring at him like a piece of meat from behind so you leave him there, trying to erase the thoughts from your brain for as long as you can't indulge in them.

poking your head into the living room, "you want dinner? ross is cooking."

"damn, girl, how hard did you have to suck his dick for that?" you roll your eyes at her crassness.

"he's asked to do it, i don't force him."

"you're so lucky. you got this hot guy who comes over whenever and cooks for free and you don't even have to fuck him for it. any way you could talk him into doing laundry? picking up around the house?"

you laugh at her, coming to perch yourself on the arm of the couch. "hey, don't be like that, i'm sure any day now some nice guy will come along and be right for you."

"maybe you're right. does your boy got any hot friends?"

you're about to answer when you realize he's only a room away, so you lean in, dropping your voice, "oh absolutely, they're all, like, stupid hot."

"heard that!" ross calls from over the stove. mission failed.

"you're the hottest, babe, promise! love you!"

"love you too," you almost wouldn't hear him due to the sizzling of the pan in front of him.

"see? that's what i need, right there. i'm kind of tired of just casual sex all the time, i want to care about someone, be cared about and whatever."

"i can try to set something up with one of his friends next time i'm over at his place. gotta warn you, though, they're all pretty stupid."

"they can't be that bad."

"no, i'm so serious. i once witnessed them get in a multiday tearful argument about the length of shorts they're allowing each other to wear around the house. i actually thought one of them might move out because of it."

"did he?"

"course not, they all have too deep of a bromance to leave each other like that."

ross enters the room, standing right behind you and wrapping a leisurely arm around the front of your shoulders. "so, is that a no on the dinner, violet?"

"eh, i'm alright. i'm too lovesick for dinner." she falls dramatically on the couch.

"it's not that awful is it? it wasn't too hard for us in the beginning, right babe?" you strain your neck to look up at him over your shoulder and give his arm around your shoulders a loving squeeze.

"maybe not for you. i had it pretty hard, though."

"what are you talking about?"

"i was so nervous when we first started dating. scared i was going to fuck it up, scare you away. that's also why i waited so long to let you meet my mates. thought for sure that would be the end of you and i."

"wow. i don't know why you were so worried, everything turned out fine in the end. i mean, look at us now. we made it through the hard parts, right?"

"right. and i'm glad. i'm so in love with you, darling."

violet sighs, "are you guys done being all lovey with each other? i wanna watch the rest of this movie."

he raises his hands in surrender, nudging you with his knee to make space for him to sit next to you on the couch. he plops down with a heavy sigh, "dinner's on the stove, go get some, my love." he whispers it into your ear, but you just shake your head, leaning into his warm body.

you relax into his arms, which he reluctantly wraps around you, puzzled at why you aren't sprinting for the food he made for you. one of his legs is against your back resting beside the back cushion on the couch and you snuggle up to place your head on his chest, to which he immediately digs a soft hand into your hair, idly pulling and twisting at the strands.

every now and then, you flinch at a jump scare on the screen, and each time he retaliates with a deep chuckle which reverberates in his chest, causing you to feel it in your head, and he places a sweet kiss atop your hair.

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

Taglist: @indierockgirrl @itssimpleanditgoeslikethis @milkluvr8 @americanangel

[aipilosse]

For the kiss ask - 48, because the world is ending. Choose one - Melkor/Mairon at the War of Wrath (predictably, but I love them, your honor) or Melkor/Turin at the Dagor Dagorath (because the world is indeed ending).

More importantly, welcome back! Writing will always be here when you feel like it and we will always cheer you on ❤️

Thank you so much <3 It's been nice getting back to writing (let's hope the juice carries me through MSV!)

I am going to attempt Melkor/Túrin -- a pairing I have never considered before but is fascinating.

~~~~~~~

"The sun will descend in a fiery blaze one last time, and the moon will fall also, casting the world into darkness once again."

The children gathered around Andreth's feet huddle closer together, eyes round, despite the familiarity of the tale.

"Then the Hero shall awaken."

"Who's the Hero?" Celepharn asks, right on cue.

"The Hero is a Man, one of our own kin. He is tall, with dark hair and grey eyes, just like you!" Here she nudges the littlest one, who widens her characteristically grey eyes theatrically. "He wields a dark sword, and he has been sleeping a very long time."

But we haven't met him yet, Andreth thinks, suppressing a shiver as the discomfiting tendrils of prophecy reawaken in her memory.

She continues, "The hooded Lord of Doom wakes the Hero, for his time has come. The earth is shaking, the waters turn to cloud, but the Hero is without fear.

"He walks to their meeting place, an old land that was once green, was then covered by the sea, and has now risen once again.

"There, the Nameless meets him." Andreth pauses for dramatic effect. "But he is dark no longer, for what is darkness in a world without sunlight? Now he is fair, fair as he appeared to our forefathers, with his tales of life beyond measure. Fair as he appeared when he wounded us of old." Her familiar certainty, and her old grief rise in her throat. It's not fair. She looks down at her hands, knitting needles clutched in their wrinkled grasp.

"Does he look like an Elf?" Damiel asks, tugging at Andreth's skirt.

The storytelling spirit rushes back to Andreth. "Oh, far more beautiful than any elf. He is tall, with hair like the fallen sun that surrounds him as a halo. And his eyes, his eyes are piercing like swords."

"Sounds like an Elf," Damiel grumbles, and Andreth shoots her a withering look for her sass.

"The Hero meets the Nameless there on that ancient land. But he does not unsheathe his sword, not yet. First he takes the measure of the Nameless one, and sees that they are matched.

"Then he asks, 'Hast thou come to take back thine curse?'

"Then the Nameless one will raise his hand, black no longer, to the Hero's face. 'Doomed One,' he will say, 'I have waited long for this moment. I have shaped thee and set thee on this path. I curse thee no longer.' Then the Nameless one will bend and kiss the Hero, removing a curse that has bound the Hero for long ages."

"Eeeww," Celepharn says, dramatically falling over, due to apparent disgust.

"Shut up!" Damiel smacks her brother. "They have to kiss, because then they have to fight."

"Quite right," Andreth says. She's not sure why this is so, but it is; it must end first in a kiss, then in a battle. "The Hero kisses the Nameless, and the bonds of Time are shattered." What exactly this means is also unclear, but she could feel it in her vision.

"Then the Hero steps back and draws his sword at last. 'Nameless,' he cries, 'let us make an end of it!'"

"And then they fight!" Celepharn says, leaping to his feet, drawing his imaginary sword.

"Show us the fight!" Andreth says, welcoming the occasion for the children to work off some of their energy. She resumes her knitting as another child takes on the part of the Nameless, with an equally invisible two-handed sword, and watches as the children play fight, dramatic sound effects included.

What does it mean, she thinks, and will I ever find out? She knows in her heart she won't; her job is to pass the prophecy on, not to understand.