#going on a hike I’m v excited about this weekend

[l0std1adem]

just found out this weekend is a 4 day weekend LET’S GOOOO

[eddiesxangel]

She Said Fuck Me Like I’m Famous (I Said Okay) | E.M

WC: 5.9k

Cw: fem!popstar!reader, modern au, fluff, smut, dirty talk, kinda Dom Eddie, oral (m & f), p in v, reader is on bc, creampies.

Summary: when you invite your online bestie over to spend the week with you for the first time, you don’t know what to expect when her over protective friends tag along

Meeting Robin was a happy accident that life sometimes throws at you. Even though she was a stranger on the other side of the country, she was one of the most genuine friends you could have ever asked for. It all started slowly. You had both been on the same Discord server because of your mutual love for an author, and things went from there. After almost three years of friendship, you finally decided to meet in person!

You guys organized everything. She was flying to California and staying with you in your two-bedroom apartment for a little over a week. You had so much planned for the both of you, especially over the weekend, because it just so happened you were also to perform at this year’s Coachella.

It was your first big performance at a festival like this. It would do wonders for your career and hopefully bring you new fans.

Robin was your biggest supporter. She was so excited to see you perform live for the first time, not to mention the VIP passes you had promised her. It was hard to seek out genuine friendships in the line of work that you do. Everyone wants something, so you didn’t disclose your real name and what you did until you could trust her entirely. Robin was one of those people who you couldn't help but love; her bubbly personality and heart of gold were something you latched onto.

You were not taken aback upon receiving a text from Robin informing you that her two extremely protective male friends were adamant about accompanying her to ensure her safety. She had previously mentioned them, and from what she shared, they come across as genuinely great guys. Their concern for their friend's well-being is commendable, and you appreciate their commitment to looking out for her.

She also told you that the guys would rather stay in a hotel with her, but if they felt comfortable, they didn’t mind if she stayed with you for the rest of the week. You weren’t offended. It was unbelievable that you invited someone you’d never met into your home. Still, she was one of your closest confidants, even though you’ve never seen one another in person, primarily through texting and FaceTime.

-

The day was finally here, and you let Robin know that your assistant would pick the three of them up at the airport because you were in rehearsals until 2:00 p.m.

“See, Rob, this is exactly why we came with you!” Steve pointed at the text message as she read it out loud.

“What do you mean?” Robin asked with a scowl.

“She is sending a random person to pick us up? We are about to be human trafficked for all we know!”

Robin rolled her eyes and hiked up her carry-on over her shoulder.

“Men… so dramatic.” She whispered under her breath.

The three wandered down the corridor until they saw a small woman about 5'1" with a bright smile holding a sign that read ‘ Birdie + 2.’

That was cute; you used her Discord name.

“Oh, yes. Here is the woman who’s going to kidnap us,” she jesters, and the two men can’t help but roll their eyes.

“Hi! Are you Kelsey?” Robin approached the woman who she towered over.

“Yes, Hi! If you want to come with me, the car is waiting. She’s so excited you’re finally here; it’s all she’s been talking about.”

Kelsey opened the door for the three friends to get in and made her way to the driver’s seat.

-

It’s been a long wait, but your rehearsal wrapped up right on schedule. You made sure because you didn’t want to waste any time. You’ve been so antsy all day, waiting to go home and meet your best friend for the first time. You were so nervous; what if she thought you were annoying? What if the paparazzi ruined her time here? On your way home, the what-ifs circled your mind, but you tried to shake that all away when you got the text from Kelsey that they made it safely and were on their way to the hotel to drop off their things. Then she would bring them over to your apartment.

The minutes tick by as you wait for them in your apartment. You double-check the fridge to make sure you have refreshments and snacks. They must be tired and hungry from the flight.

Your manicured fingernails tap the cold marble countertop in your kitchen as you nervously scroll your phone, trying to distract yourself until the condo buzzer startles you. You run over and answer the speaker, telling them to come on up.

You anxiously count the seconds as you wait for them to approach the door. When the elevator bell dings on your floor, 17 stories up, you open the door eagerly to see Kelsey get off first.

You’re bouncing on your toes as you half-heartedly skip through the hallway, cheering as you see the freckled-faced girl enter the corridor.

“Birdie!” You clap, jump, and run to her with a smile so big your cheeks burn.

Cheers and squeals fill the small space as you take one another in your arms. If the people surrounding you had known better, your embrace would have made it look like you were lovers.

“I can’t believe you’re finally here!”

"I can't believe you're real." You step back to look at her in full. Finally, after all this time, you are united with your bestie. You tell one another everything. Robin confided in you about how she likes girls, and you said you were so scared that you're not good enough to be here. The imposter syndrome was extreme, but she put your mind at ease.

One of the men behind Robin had cleared their throat, reminding the both of you that they were also there.

“Oh my god, sorry.” Robin jumps.

“This is Steve, and this is Eddie.” Robin steps out of your way, and your gaze falls on the two handsome men standing behind her. Your heart flutters a bit, taking in both of them.

Steve and Eddie were complete opposites in their style. Steve had a preppy look, with a soft smile and gentle, kind eyes that reflected his warm personality. In contrast, Eddie's style was edgy and tough, but his eyes were surprisingly kind and strikingly beautiful, hinting at a depth beyond his tough exterior.

“Hi, I’m y/n, but you can call me Bunnie.” You stuck out your hand to introduce yourself.

“Damn, kinda disappointed you’re real; I had 50 bucks going that you were catfishing Rob this whole time,” Steve giggled as you shook his hand.

“Shut up,” Robin rolled her eyes.

“Me? A catfish? Never,” you giggled.

You moved to Eddie, and he stood there wide-eyed as he tried to speak, say hello, hi, or something, but he felt like his tongue was suddenly too big for his mouth. There was no way you were real. There's no way you were this pretty in real life. There was no way Robin was friends with a celebrity.

Unsurprisingly, Eddie had no idea who you were when Robin told him and Steve she was coming out to see you. However, Steve’s reaction made it seem like you were a big deal, so he googled you and looked at your Instagram beforehand. Never in his life did he see someone so beautiful. The attraction was instant, but now, seeing you in person, there was no denying his inevitable crush on you.

Eddie finally managed to choke out a “hi.” His cheeks heated up as his voice cracked like he was 12 again.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” you smile but quickly turn to Robin.

“Come,” you say, linking your arm with hers as you return to your condo.

“Thanks for letting us tag along with Birdie here,” Steve smiled.

After the initial excitement, you had all settled down. You were lounging on your balcony, eating and drinking to your heart's content.

“No problem, the more the merrier,” you smile.

Robin had told you about her friends back home; you also felt like you strangely knew them.

“What do you guys want to do first? Eddie, any suggestions?” You ask, singling him out.

Eddie hardly knew what to say. It was as if his brain had stopped functioning when you spoke to him. He wanted to woo and get to know you and hoped and prayed that you were as good of a person as Robin raved you to be.

“W-what?" He stuttered and looked at you wide-eyed. "Uh, I'm not sure. What do you have in mind?”

Without a beat, you rambled off the list of activities you had in mind, and Eddie listened so intently to everything; he would go anywhere as long as he was in your company.

“He, man, help me get some more drinks,” Steve said, nudging Eddie’s knee.

“No, please, you’re my guest. Allow me.” You got to stand, but Steve insists.

“Take advantage, let them dote on us.” Robin giggled.

“Dude, you’re really into her, aren’t you?” Steve smirked once the two men were back inside and out of earshot.

“How could I not be? Hello, she’s like the perfect woman,” Eddie half whispered.

Eddie took you in one more time through the sliding glass door. Not only was your style darker and edgy, but you’re witty and funny and don’t seem too vapid for a Hollywood star. He had a preconceived notion about Hollywood starlets; however, you seemed so down to earth, and you loved talking music with him; even if you are a pop star, you know your shit when it came to writing and playing guitar.

“You should ask her out this week and see what happens.”

“No, she’s not into me.”

“Maybe not yet? But how could she not be? You’re a catch. You gotta be yourself; you’re too in your head right now. Just think of her as an extension of Robin.”

“An extension of Robin?”

“They’re practically the same person; just don’t think about how hot she is.”

That’s easy for you to say.” Eddie rolls his eyes.

“How?”

“I don’t know, man. You’re King Steve, Steve 'the hair' Harrington, and you know how to flirt with girls.”

“So do you.”

“Not girls like that!” He points towards you and Robin, oblivious to the conversation, gabbing away about who knows what.

“You’re telling me that a girl who looks like that isn’t going to be attracted to a guy who looks like you? “ he raised a brow.

“I don’t know?” Eddie shrugged.

“Nah, dude, you’re being too hard on yourself. Listen to me, be yourself, and see what happens.”

“Okay,” he sighed, bringing the drinks out for you and Robin.

As the night wore on, Eddie became more confident speaking to you and less intimidated after the talk with Steve in the kitchen. When the night ended, you were all disappointed to say goodbye but excited about what tomorrow would bring.

-

The past few days have been absolutely hectic. Rehearsals for the upcoming show have consumed your mornings, followed by afternoons filled with various outings. It's a whirlwind from sound check to meeting up with your guests at their hotel or wherever they are.

Eddie’s crush was starting to take over his mind. Every night before he went to sleep, he thought about you and watched videos of you. He even went so far as to put your name on YouTube and “cute moments” afterwards.

Nothing could stop Eddie from getting you off his mind. He was so excited when you gave him your number, even if he was too nervous to text you. His excitement doubled when you followed him on Instagram, and he spastically went through all his posts to make sure nothing was embarrassing.

Today, you went to the beach. A relaxing day was much needed after your hectic schedule of rehearsals and entertaining your guests over the past few days.

You arrive to see your new friends secured a great spot by the water's edge. Robin is lying under the umbrella while the boys wrestle in the water.

“Is Eddie single?” you ask after settling down with Robin on the sand.

“The most chronically single person I’ve ever met; dude hasn’t been in a relationship since he confessed his love for a cheerleader in high school, and I wouldn’t even count that as a girlfriend.”

You stop and ponder this newfound information as you watch him from afar. As you observe him splashing around, you see him in a new light. He is lean but has some muscle. His various tattoos and how he looks in a bathing suit is giving you butterflies.

“What’s wrong with him?” You ask nervously.

“Nothing is wrong with him; he’s just… I don’t know how to explain it. The girls in our town aren’t into guys who look or act like Eddie. They’re all stuck up, snooty rich kids, you know? And Eddie has had it rough; he grew up on the poorer side of town and his parents. His uncle raised him, so everyone looked down at him.” Robin sighed, hating the way life had treated her friend.

“Trust me, I know about stuck-up assholes. I live in their capital.” You snort.

“So why are you asking about Ed? Any particular reason?” Robin peaks at you from under her sunglasses. ”

“He seems different from the guys in L. A” You twiddle with the strings on your bikini bottoms.

“Well, I know he has a big fat crush on you.”

“Really?” Your face lit up, giving away your motive for conversation.

“Seems like you do, too girl friend.” She nudged you, and you tried to hide your face under your beach towel.

“Ooooooooooo Bunnie has a crush on Eddie the Freak.” Robin teased.

“What did he do to earn that title?”

“There are many rumours; I’m sure you’ll find out soon.” She wiggled her brows suggestively.

Robins’s innuendo had you giggling so hard that you almost started crying.

You pulled Eddie’s attention when he heard your angelic laugh. Eddie stood distracted by watching you lay out with Robin, your tattoos on display, more than he had seen initially. Your teeny black-and-white bikini was a sight for soar eyes, being stuck with Steve all day and night. With the sudden distraction, Steve had the opportunity to body-slam Eddie into the ocean.

Eddie’s audible “oof” was heard, and before Eddie knew it, he was gasping for air. When he finally got his bearing straight, he saw you looking over, concerned at the two men, then gave a slight wave to ensure he was okay.

“Playtimes over, Harrington,” Eddie shoved Steve off of him.

“Oh, I think it’s just beginning for you, Munson.”

The two men exited the water looking too hot for their own good, like some personal Baywatch episode was coming at you in 3D.

“Like what you see?” Eddie smirked at you as they both approached the both of you.

“Absolutely.” You squint up at him, the sun catching your eyes.

Eddie plopped beside you and shook his head like a dog getting ocean water all over you.

You squeak at how cold the water is.

“Oh, sorry, Bunnie, let me get that for you.” He smirks.

He brushes the water from your face with his towel.

Oh, he knows what he is doing.

Your skin deceived you as the goosebumps arose when Eddie touched your face.

“You cold, Bunnie?” Eddie noticed and pulled you in with him as he wrapped his towel around the both of you. Your bare back pressing against his cold, damp chest wasn’t helping, but hell, you were not about to start complaining.

“Thanks”

Robin gives you a pointed look, then immediately grabs Steve’s hand to yank him up.

“Come, we are getting food.”

Steve leaves without protest, seeing what Robin sees- that you and Eddie should have some alone time.

“So a little Birdie told me you have a reputation back home.” You were leaning up against Eddie’s chest, basking in the sun.

“Oh, did she, now? And what might that be.”

“that you’re a little freaky,” you giggle.

“You sure you want to know about th-"

“Oh my god! It is you! Oh my god, I love you. Can I please get a picture with you?” A girl not much younger than yourself, clearly a fan of yours, looks down at you, and Eddie is cuddled up.

Without missing a beat, you get up and greet the fan.

“Can you take our picture?” She gives her phone to Eddie before he even agrees that he’s getting up to help.

You give him an apologetic look. This was not the kind of day he signed up for.

You pose with the fan and talk with her briefly before she asks, “ Is that your boyfriend?”

You look over your shoulder to see Eddie again sitting under the umbrella.

“No, no, he’s a friend,” you smile.

“Too bad, you guys would be a cute couple.”

You entertain her only a few more minutes before she leaves.

“Sorry about that.” You sit back down beside Eddie.

“That’s okay, I get it. You’re famous and all.” He smiles.

“I’m not that famous,” you sigh.

“Don’t sell yourself short, sweetheart.”

“Well, maybe…” you shrug.

“You have strangers coming up to you complimenting your work; that’s sick as fuck if you ask me.”

“It's something I’ll never get used to.”

“Tell me more what it’s like?”

“What? Having a fan approach me?”

“Yea. I guess being a famous rockstar was all I ever dreamed of until a few years ago when I realized it wouldn’t be in the cards for me.

“What if it could be?”

“What do you mean?”

“I have a crazy idea.”

-

Pictures of you and a “Mystery guy” were planted all over the tabloids the following day. Of course, no one stopped to take a photo when it was just you and Robin or the four of you sitting on the beach.

“I’m sorry, Eddie. I didn’t mean for you to get dragged into my crazy.” You apologized while you were all out to dinner. Eddie was sat directly beside you.

“I think I like crazy,” he smirked and gently touched your knee.

You tried to hide your bashful smile while playing with the stem of your martini glass.

Robin and Steve instantly locked in on the chemistry between you. They tried to look at one another subtly, but you caught it.

“What are you guys up to?” You ask.

“Nothing,” Robin laughs, but Steve isn’t shy about the topic.

“You guys are cute,” he smirks into the glass before sipping the golden bubbly liquid.

“Steve!” You squeak.

“I agree,” Robin concurred.

You wanted to agree with them, but you hardly knew Eddie, but you yearned to know everything about him. The more time you spend with this group, the more you don’t want them to leave. You can’t imagine how it will be once they go home next week. You would kill for them to spend more time with, especially Robin and your newfound crush, Eddie.

-

As the sun sets on the horizon, casting a warm glow over the Coachella stage, you feel the nervous excitement building inside you. In just five minutes, it would be your turn to shine. Every move, every step, every beat was etched into your mind. You had rehearsed and memorized everything, from the choreography to the cues. The anticipation was palpable as you prepared to take the stage. Eddie Robin and Steve were set up in the VIP section, and you had an excellent sightline. You felt the cheers from the crowd pulsing through your veins as you stepped under the spotlight.

“She’s incredible!” Robin cheered.

“I had no idea she could sing like that!” Steve was in shock.

“What do you think, Eddie?” Robin turns, but her friend is nowhere in sight. “Ed? Hey, where is Eddie?”

Steve looks around, and he has no idea.

“Maybe he had to take a leak or something?”

Unbeknownst to them, you had a little surprise for your friends.

“How are we feeling tonight!?” You ask the crowd from centre stage.

The crowd roared in response.

“I said, “How are we feeling tonight? “ you ask again, and the crowd cheers as loud as possible.

“Very good, Coachella! I’m so grateful for you guys having me! this is a crucial moment in my career, a highlight, really.” You paced the stage.

“I’m so grateful for you guys to take time out of your day to come out and see me. It means more to me than you ever know! You guys make me feel like a rockstar!”

The crowd cheers again, even louder, and you can’t seem to break the smile off your face.

“Now, before we get this party started, I need you guys to give a warm welcome to a new friend of mine.” You look over to the side stage and wave a hand.

“Everyone, put your hands together for this rockstar! The best guitarist I’ve ever encountered! Give it up for Eddie Munson!” The crowd cheers as you ask them to, and you swear you hear Steve and Robin above all else.

Eddie cannot believe he is standing on stage in front of a crowd with thousands of people in California instead of 6 drunks in Hawkins, Indiana.

Eddie never imagined this opportunity would come to him, but here he was as if a magical being had granted him one wish in life.

When you looked at Eddie, a smile spread across your face, etched into his memory forever. Eddie looked so hot that you couldn’t help but rake your eyes up and down, taking him in. He wore his black ripped jeans, boots, and denim vest, showcasing his many tattoos.

The way you looked tonight was so beautiful. Eddie didn’t think he could make it through the three songs he’s rehearsed with you over the last two days.

Your music wasn’t Eddie’s usual genre. However, it wasn’t as bubblegum pop as he expected. He appreciated many rock elements and would be an idiot to pass up this opportunity.

“Okay, let’s rock!” And Eddie started the first riff of the second half of the setlist.

The crowd was electric, and Eddie’s heart felt like it would pound out of his chest, especially when it came to the guitar solo he absolutely nailed.

“Thank you, Coachella! Goodnight!” The roar of the crowd doesn't die down.

You grab Eddie by the hand and run off stage. As you make it to the stage, Eddie wraps you in a high so tight it takes your breath away.

“That was incredible! Unbelievable!” Eddie howled in excitement. “I can’t believe that just happened!”

“It’s incredible, isn’t it!” You smile.

“Yes! God, I could kiss you!”

“Who is stopping you?”

Maybe it was the adrenaline or perhaps it was the fact that Eddie would be leaving soon, but you wanted it so bad that you threw all caution to the wind.

“What?” Eddie’s eyes winded.

“Kiss me, rockstar. I know you want to.”

You pulled Eddie in by the guitar strap, and your lips connected. The moment his plump lips made contact with your deep cherry-cola-coloured ones, you knew this was something more than physical attraction. You haven’t felt a kiss like this in a very long time. The both of you pull away regretfully, but you are standing in the middle of backstage, and techs and roadies are running all over the place; you can’t just make out with Eddie here.

“Come home with me to my place tonight? You ask bravely.

Eddie quickly nods his head, at a loss for words.

“Okay,”

-

Nothing could top this moment for Eddie. It was you and him alone for the first time. He was in your bedroom, and the height he was feeling was too much to contain. Eddie pulled you in closer, his lips crashing into yours harder as his hands grabbed the silver material of your mini dress. He pushed you up against the wall, and you felt his tight hold on your body. His hard body pressed up against yours, and the only thing separating you was four layers of thin cloth dawning you and Eddie.

“Fuck you’re so hot.” You moan.

Eddie’s head spun at your confession. You thought he was hot. You, the girl who made all of his wildest dreams come true and then some.

“I want you,” you mumble into his lips.

Eddie didn’t need to be told twice before his hand travelled up between the soft skin of your plush thighs.

The way your skin felt under his fingertips makes you shiver. Slowly, his callused tips found their way to the cloth of your soaked panties.

Eddie moaned into you as his kiss trailed down the side of your jaw to your neck, catching that sweet spot that makes your pussy weep.

Eddie’s fingers delicately stroke up and down your slit like he would break you, but you need more. You can’t help your hips rock back and forth into his touch.

Eddie didn’t think he would end up with a pop star grinding into his hand when he planned his trip to Cali with his friend, but he wasn’t complaining. He would be happy if this was the furthest the two of you got.

“More,” You plead, and your hand wiggles its way between the two of you to stroke his already hardening cock.

Eddie buckles his hips into your hand unwillingly, but the feeling of your hand on his cock had him acting on instinct. The two of you dry-humping one another against the wall wasn’t enough.

“Need you, want you so bad,” Eddie confesses.

You push up off the wall and drag Eddie to your bed. You push him back with a giggle, then fall to your knees before him.

“Holy shit,” he whispers under his breath. Your gaze meets Eddie, and it’s like a siren is looking back up at him, ready to drown him with your lust.

You quickly unbuckle and unbutton and unzip everything containing Eddie’s bulge from you, and you’re pleasantly surprised when you finally unwrap him. His tip was already crying for your touch, so red and shiny due to the precum that had been leaking ever since you kissed him when you both got off stage. His long, thick shaft taunted you as if it might not be able to fit.

“Want to teach me why they call you Eddie the Freak?” You smirk.

“Fuck Bunnie, you don’t know what you’re asking for. "

“That’s why I’m asking, big boy.”

You don’t give Eddie a chance to respond before wrapping your warm lips around his fat tip.

“Yes, sweetheart, right there,” he draws out his words as you take him in further.

His hands grip the roots of your hair, pulling them taught as your mouth takes him to the back of your throat.

“Oh god,” He moans again. The way your mouth feels around his cock is making him want to thrust up into you, but he holds back for your sake. He knows you asked him to share why he’s called the freak, but he’s not ready to scare you away with his kinks, not yet.

“Fuck baby, you’re so big” You pull off and replace your mouth with your hand so you can catch your breath. Your lung capacity may be suitable for singing, but you can only hold so much breath.

“You think so, pretty girl?” Eddie brushed a fallen piece of hair from your face, and you swore you had never been so hot and bothered.

You bite your bottom lip and try to grind yourself on your heels for any source of friction as you take him back in your mouth. His taste was addictive, and so was the way he was looking down at you with a look in his eyes that made you feel so wanted.

“Such good girl; you like being on your knees for me?”

You nod your head and hum on his cock in a reference, and that makes Eddie’s head spin. The way your mouth is sending vibrations through him has him pulling you up off of him because he would end the night early if you keep that up.

You giggle as he switches your positions and strips himself. Your head hits your pillows, and you sink into the plush mattress.

“You’re wearing too many clothes," Eddie smirks as his hands find the hem of your dress, pushing it up, up, up, until it meets the lower part of your breasts. Then you take over, folding the fabric over your head.

“Fuuuuuuuuck” Eddie draws out before letting his head fall between them. He presses his face into your chest, kissing and sucking on your tits before he finally takes one nipple into his mouth.

“Tonight should be all about you, Sweetheart.” he nips at your sensitive skin.

“Should worship you like you deserve.”

A low main leaves your throat before Eddie dips down to discard your sodden panties. Finally, he has you where he wants; needy for him and naked.

“Knew you’d have sucha’ pretty pussy, Bunnie.”

“Edddieee” you cry; it’s pathetic how riled up you’ve become.

“Don’t be a brat now,” he warns, but that only makes your pussy throb even more than it has been.

You’re dying to be touched; you craved him so badly that you couldn’t stand it.

Eddie’s mouth dips down to your lower stomach, long drawn-out mouth kisses trailing along your skin around your mound, your under thighs. His teeth nipped and bit at your tender flesh, not breaking the skin but enough to mark you up, to claim you as his own.

“Eddie, please, baby, touch me.” You ask as you stroke the fallen hair out of his face.

“Asking so nicely, good girl.” He purrs.

You can’t help but let out a long sigh as Eddie's tongue makes contact with your swollen bundle of overly sensitive nerves.

He tasers you fully as the flat of his tongue drags itself over your slit. Your slick coats itself on his lips and chin as he sends a rush of pleasure through your veins.

Eddie, the Freak Munson, should be renamed to Eddie the Munch for the irresistible way he’s eating you out. His hands push your inner thighs wider so he has more of you to consume. Your exposed pussy calls to him as he eats you like he’s enjoying it more than you are. He wants you to cum all over his mouth.

Eddie lifts his head and replaces his mouth with his fingers as he pushes up inside of your pussy while massaging your clit with his thumb.

“I know you’re close, baby; give it to me. I need to know how you taste coming on my tongue.”

His dirty words had your head spinning and your core tightening. He was right; you were so close, you wanted- no, you needed to come.

“Please, please, please,” you begged for him to let you have the wave of pleasure wash over your body.

Eddie had you right where he needed you, in the sweet spot of being so desperate that you’d agree to anything he asked. He loved being in control this way; he loved wanting to feel powerful but also loved how much you trusted him to do so.

But what Eddie loved most of all was how you were about to cum all over his face; he loves pussy so much he can’t get enough of it, so he dips back down and has you cumming on his tongue as he pushed it up into your hole and didn’t let up as his thumb rubbed on your clit.

He doesn’t let up until you’ve come twice before wanting to get to the best part.

“Did so good baby, you taste so good. I know you got one more in you for me.”

You can’t even speak; the way he just made you come so quickly, one after another, was mind-blowing.

“Want to teach me why they call you Bunnie?” Eddie mocks as he pulls you up to switch positions.

How were you to ride him after all that?

“Fuck Eddie, I don’t know if I can; my legs are like jello,” you giggle.

“I believe in you, baby,” he creases your ass as you align yourself over his cock.

“Wait, do you have a condom?” He stops you.

“I’m on birth control” You slowly rub your pussy over his shaft, teasing the head at your entrance, threatening to put it in.

“Shiiiiiit” Eddie’s head goes back. “You want to be my little Bunny? Hop on it raw?”

“Mmmmmmm, yes,” you hum as your hips rock back and forth.

“Fuck okay, okay.” And before the second okay is out of Eddie’s mouth, you’re already sinking on his cock. It feels so good that he stretches you until your hips are connected to the bottom.

The only thing filling the room was the sounds of skin slapping skin and the moans coming from each of your mouths. His hands roam your body, exploring the swell of your breasts, your nipples, down around your hips, your back and your ass giving it a tight squeeze.

“Fuck, that’s it. You’re such a good Bunny, bouncing and taking my cock so well.”

“So big.” Your legs were already burning as you worked yourself up and down on his body.

“You going to cum like that, huh?” His hips match your rhythm, and you work together to create the perfect pace.

“That’s my girl, that’s my girl, that’s my girl,” he chants like a prayer as your pussy clenches down on Eddie’s cock, making that your third orgasm of the evening. Your body shutters as your orgasm takes over you, the icing on the cake of the day you’ve had today.

“I’m close. Where do you want it.”

“In me, cum in me, please.”

“Fuck, you sure?”

“Yes!” You had stopped bouncing me, but Edie had you held in place as he fucked his hips up into you.

You can feel his balls slapping your ass and his cock twitching so deeply inside you that tiny ripples of post-orgasm spasms are still running through you.

With a grunt, Eddie collapses, and you fall on top of him. Your hot bodies pressed together, chests heaving, breathing in one another.

“Hey, you wanna stay?” You tentatively as as you curl up next to him.

“Sure baby, I can spend the night”

“No no-well yea, but no…I mean here in California… you can join the band” you bite your lip.

“You-you want me to join your band?”

You nod your head slowly.

“Woah…”

“I know it’s crazy! But you’re so good, and you love it. It wouldn't be exactly what you want, but it also puts your foot in the door, and I kind of don’t want you to leave.” You blab.

“All I heard was you don’t want me to leave, Eddie teases.

“I’m serious,” you playfully swat his chest.

“I’m going to have to call my boss in the morning,” he smirked.

“Really?”

“Id have gone an idot to pass up an opportunity like this sweetheart.

Tagging some mooties @xxbimbobunnyxx @eddiesghxst @munson-blurbs @maisieisaloserr @ghost-proofbaby @littlexdeaths @take-everything-you-can @andvys @userchai @loserboysandlithium @floredaqueen @sexmetaleddie @strangerstilinski @myherometalhead

[hiskittyyywrites]

✧Birthday Sugar✧

Iwaizumi x F!reader NSFW

Warnings: daddy kink, kinda rough sex, semi public sex

MINORS!! DNI

a/n; First time writing a fic. Kinda nervous. Hello everyone! Welcome to my page! Here is my very FIRST fanfic and I'm so excited to share it with you all! Please enjoy and stay sweet 🍭

-His Kittyyy

________________

Hajime Iwaizumi. 37.  Owns 15 sports training facilities across California, including 1 in Tokyo so yeah, he’s dripping in money.

Most people know Iwa as a hard ass. Not the type to just hand out his cash to anyone.

But to Iwa, something about you made him wanna throw all his cash at you.

You both live together in his 6 bedroom modern house in L.A. You see the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets while lounging at the infinity pool.

You don’t ask for much but he loves to spoil you

Just last week he came to pick you up from work. As yall walk to the parking lot, he pulls out a pair of keys to a brand new BMW

“I saw it this morning and thought my baby girl could use a new whip”. You told him to take it back and, as usual, he rolled his eyes and shoved the keys in your hands. “Get in the car before I ruin that cute ass of yours in this parking lot instead of back at the house.”

The weekend before he whisked you away to Jamaica. He had a business meeting being held there for a possible new building. Plus he wanted to fuck you on the balcony of your hotel room while overlooking the Caribbean sea.

Buys you the most expensive gowns and dresses. He has to attend business-related dinners and parties so of course, he’s gonna wanna show you off. 

Always makes sure you have the best wines when you go out to dinner.

He knows you secretly love sapphires so he bought you a sapphire and diamond drop pendant on an 18k white gold chain for your birthday. He puts it on you and whispers in your ear “I see why you love sapphires so much, y/n. It looks fantastic against your skin.” He kissed your neck as he clasped the chain together. “I’ll have to remember to get you more…”

It's the evening of your birthday. You're wearing an expensive black, velvet maxi dress. It's off the shoulders. Deep V cut so it shows the curves of your breast nicely. The skirt of the dress has an M slit and you're wearing your favorite pair of dark blue stilettos. Of course, you're wearing your birthday pendant. Iwa wouldn't let you leave the house without it. 

Iwa is wearing a black suit with a blue tie so it matches your heels and pendant perfectly. The man has style and loves to match with you on dates. 

Iwa took you out to your favorite restaurant, Miro. From there he took you to a classy bar. The Varnish. This was his favorite and you remember he took you there on your first date. The bar is very dim with soft music flowing through the building. You found out once you're inside that he had rented the whole place out so you two could be alone. You had a few drinks then slowly danced in the middle of the dance floor. Jazz music swarming around you. "Did you have a great birthday, y/n?" "It was more than I could ever imagine!" You smiled brightly at him. He smirked. "I'm glad to hear that baby girl…" he pulls you in for a kiss as hands glide down from your hips to your ass "...now I don't know about you, but I'm ready to get out of here and get you out of this dress" His warm breath make you shiver as he whispered in your ear. You responded with a moan as he squeezed your ass. "I'll take that as a yes". He takes your wrist and drags you to the Escalade waiting for you. You both jump in the back and Iwa immediately pulls you onto his lap.

 As the driver takes off, Iwa latches his soft lips on your neck. You moan as his wet tongue traces the outline of your necklace. "Seriously baby girl, I'm gonna have you dripping in sapphires every day. We're going shopping tomorrow after brunch." As he bites down on your neck, you let out a moan. You feel him grow hard as you grind against him. He starts to trail light, wet kisses from your neck, down the deep V until he finds the curve of your left breast. He pulls down the top of your dress just enough so your breast bounces out. He immediately takes your left nipple into his mouth and his free hand rubs on your right nipple.

As you throw your head back in pleasure, Iwa lays you down across the back seat. He bites your nipple and you let out a staggered moan. You feel yourself growing wet as he grinds his hard-on against you. His hand slowly travels from your nipple to your soaking wet cunt. That's when he realized, you didn't have any underwear. "Baby girl. Were you expecting me to fuck you in public this even?" You blushed as the streets faded in and out of the vehicle. "I'm always prepared for anything, Daddy." Iwa smirked. He secretly loves it when you call him daddy. He starts to hike up your dress. He's nested in between your legs when he starts biting at your thighs. Leaving marks and wet kisses trailing up to your wet heat. 

He slides two cold fingers across your folds and you let out a loud gasp. "Pleaseee daddy…" you moaned out loud. "Please what?" He pressed back blowing at your throbbing pussy. You moaned and started wiggling your hip. Iwa frowned and slapped your thigh. "Now baby girl, I KNOW I taught you better than that. Use your words." You pouted at him. He started to pull away "You got 5 minutes until we're home. Better hurry up or I’ll just have to make you wait." You both locked eyes until you spoke up. "Please fuck me with your tongue, daddy." Iwa smirked and dipped back down to your heat. "Anything for the birthday girl," He said as his tongue flattened against your clit. You let out a breathy moan as his tongue slides in between your folds. Iwa immediately starts darting his tongue in and out of you. When he applies pressure to your swollen clit with his thumb, you thread your hands through his hair to push him deeper. "Hajime…" you moaned. Iwa makes eye contact with you. He knows exactly what you want. You always call him by his first name when you're about to cum. He slows down his pace. You whimper, "Hajimeeee please!" He stops his tongue work but his thumb made slow circles on your clit. "Now baby girl if you wanna cum, you know how to ask….properly." It was almost like he was staring into your soul, waiting for the response he was looking for. You let out a frustrating groan. "Please let me cum, daddy!" Iwa smirks. "Good girl." He lifts your legs onto his shoulders. His mouth connects back with your clit as he slips two fingers in your pussy. A loud moan escapes from your mouth. The way he's working his tongue and fingers right now is insane. You start to feel your stomach coil. You're right there on the edge. Iwa feels your pussy start to pulse around his fingers. He pumps faster. "That's it, baby girl! Cum on daddy's fingers! Get them all nice and wet for me!" His words were enough to end you over the edge. ''FUCK! IM CUMMING!" You scream as your juices sprayed out from you. Iwa removed his fingers from inside you. He sucks your juices off from his fingers with a moan. "Hmm baby girl, you've always had the sweetest taste. Taste yourself." He brings you into a searing hot kiss. Forces his tongue into your mouth so you could have a taste for yourself. 

As you're coming down from your high, the driver pulls up to the house. Iwa hands him a $100 bill and the older man exits the vehicle. Arms a little wobbly, you try to sit up only to be shoved back down. You look at Iwa puzzled but he was too busy unbuckling his belt. "Sorry baby but daddy decided he's just gonna fuck you in the back seat of this Escalade." Before you could even protest, he pulled your dress over your head so you were completely naked in front of him. The moonlight made your skin glow as it peeked through the sunroof. "You're so beautiful, y/n. Even in the moonlight. No one compares to you." You pull in for a soft kiss as he caressed your cheek. You feel his meaty grath slowly slide into you. You moaned into his mouth. Your cunt was still soaking wet so it was easy for him to slip into you. 

Iwa pulls back from the kiss but keeps eye contact with you. "Fuck baby, you're so tight around me. You feel amazing." He starts to pick up his pace. He pounding you so hard the car is literally shaking. "Oh my god, Hajime!! Fuck I'm gonna cum again." "Fuck just hold on a little longer. I'm almost there baby girl." He flips you around so that you're on your hands and knees. Your face pressed against the cool window. Iwa trusts back in you, fucking you from behind. He gives you a slap on your ass. You cry out from the sting. "Fuck baby...throw it back on daddy.' You start thrusting back on his cock. Your pussy is so wet you can hear the juices spilling out of you. Iwa moans as he grabs onto your hips. "You're gonna make me cum in a second." You asked if he was gonna pull out. He smirked and leaned in towards your ear. "Absolutely not beautiful. We're gonna test out that expensive birth control I just paid for! See if it works against my swimmers." He bites down on your shoulder as he wraps his arm around and rubs your clit. "Hajime I'm cumming!" You scream out his name in pleasure. "Cum for me again. Squeeze that wet cunt around me!" That was enough to push you over again for the second time tonight. After a couple more thrusts, Iwa released inside you. You felt his warm cum coat the inside of you. There was much, it started dripping out of you.

You clasped along the back seat.  Exhausted from all the pleasure. Iwa pulled your naked body back into his. He wrapped his suit jacket around you and help you close to his body. Whispering sweet nothings, rubbing you back while pampering your face with soft kisses. You soon drifted to sleep.

Iwa carried you out the car to the house bridal style. He whispered to you "I hope you had a wonderful birthday baby girl. Don't worry. Daddy is still taking you shopping tomorrow after brunch."

[cattles-bians]

damie vibecca exes au part 21

post directory

em: viola and becs love their lil hikes

em: oh actually did we already designate hiking as a damie thing

em: hmm.

em: yknow what damie and vibecca can both enjoy their weekend hikes

em: they bring isabel and she’s RUNNING up the path and tires herself out in 10 minutes and rebecca and viola swap out piggybacking her

obsetress: yeah it tracks because they both like fitness and viola likes her walks

obsetress: plus viola's like "it's good for isabel"

em: vibecca power lesbians love the challenging trails and damie just enjoy the sights

obsetress: dani venting to jamie one night: they don't even LIKE hiking, but they still had to do the blackjack loop, and WE won't even do the blackjack loop,

em: dani and her fanny packs... every time she sees isabel on a trail she like

em: stuffs her pockets w granola akdhdkfhdj

em: drives viola NUTS she’s like we packed our Own snacks

obsetress: dani gets SO excited

---

obsetress: man i love these lil gay bitches

obsetress: no but um

obsetress: jamie gets in some fight w rebecca early on after they've reconnected

obsetress: prob about her dating vi tbh

obsetress: and jamie's so put off by the whole thing and is ranting to dani about it and dani's all like "you just need to have better boundaries, jamie, they're her choices, aren't they? not yours"

obsetress: and jamie just stares at her like.........................................

obsetress: "dani, you literally continued hooking up with viola for weeks after you broke up"

"oh, c'mon jamie, it wasn't weeks"

"no?"

"it was months"

em: dani shooting herself in the foot to like. correct jamie is so funny

em: not even ‘no that’s different’ or ‘no i’ve changed’ like ‘actually it was months’

obsetress: she says it w such a lil pleased smile on her face too

---

obsetress:

obsetress: like who the FUCk gave her the right???

obsetress: a whole babe

obsetress: she didn't need to smirk like this

em: god she’s so Hot

obsetress: just think about all the times she and viola get into the banter

obsetress: and this exact face

em: i know we veered dramatically into soft territory w exes au but vi extremely stubborn lloyd and rebecca lawyer do no harm take no shit jessel truly. have some spectacular arguments

obsetress: they have absolute blowouts

obsetress: and then blowouts after the blowouts iywkim

obsetress: like dani's do no harm take no shit but she and vi also enable the SHIT out of each other

em: like dani tried but dani wasnt like. fully baked yet

obsetress: yeah! and then when she finally does and breaks up with her, she's back in her bed a few weeks later

obsetress: rebecca is the first person to not take viola's shit and to tell her no and viola can't fucking stand it

em: jamies convinced it’s a ruse for more make up sex

obsetress: dani's like "no, babe, trust me, i know what that looks like and this––"

"wot"

"what?"

em: dani (hushed) no she’s regular mad this isn’t fun mad

em: jamie (hushed but incredulous) FUN MAD?!

obsetress: please tell me how dani explains fun mad

em: a lil eyebrow waggle and a wink but then i like

em: thought abt her going to lift jamie up on a bench ‘well she kinda’

---

obsetress: the way rebecca looks at peter when he is (seemingly) (unfortunately) good w the kids has me thinking about like

obsetress: rebecca seeing vi w isabel for the first time and just

em: turns out the evil landlord shes banging is also…… soft

obsetress: rebecca and jamie on the phone and rebecca's like "i know she's... a landlord and all, but you should've seen her with isabel"

"you've gotta be fucking kidding me, becs––"

"no, maybe you're too quick to write her off. maybe people can be more than one thing"

and jamie just groans

em: poor jamie and her class traitor ex gf

em: blows kiss to rebecca

---

em: dani: i gotta go to the bathroom i’ll be right back

em: jamie: ok love

em: dani; (elbows jamie) ive Gotta Go To The B

obsetress: screamed

obsetress: dani trips over her own feet as she gets up to go

obsetress: then i just start thinking about dani absolutely pouncing on jamie the second they get into the bathroom and then i just start thinking about. how often that happens

obsetress: bathrooms or closets or wherever else

em: dani has this 6th sense for places to sneak off to

obsetress: god she DOES

obsetress: she's so good at it

em: she enters a new building and is taking lil notes just in case

obsetress: meanwhile rebecca and viola exchanging a look while they wait, knowing EXACTLY where they're going

em: viola leaning in like how much time do we have and becs is like vi. where’s your decorum

em: then she looks down at her watch and lists it down to the second

obsetress: she pauses

obsetress: then

obsetress: "and another six minutes if––" and vi's like "she'll want to go again"

em: viola buffing her nails on her blazer: she’ll want to go again

obsetress: rebecca rolls her eyes but she's grinning

obsetress: "you're all too smug" "me? smug?" becs just shakes her head and tugs her in by the lapels of her blazer

em: damie coming back to a fairly chaste vibecca kiss: BLEH can you guys GET A ROOM

obsetress: rebecca's just verly placidly like

obsetress: "dani, your zipper is still down, by the way"

em: dani; thanks :)

---

em: dani clayton voice i’m braver and severely Weirder than ppl think

obsetress: she's a bit of a weirdo

em: see now i’m thinking about dani glancing away going dang i thought i was keeping it under wraps

obsetress: ngl i think about that a lot like

obsetress: she IS a weirdo but what does jamie know

obsetress: that she's like yeah she's a fucking weirdo

obsetress: like she's anxious and jumpy but jamie wouldn't call that weird

obsetress: what did she know and when did she know it

em: i’m thinking about jamie catching dani doing something like. idk eating a burger layer by layer or w a knife and fork and going

em: what a freak. i’m gonna marry her

em: dani tells jamie no this is a normal american thing and then when they go to vermont jamie realises no this absolutely is not

obsetress: she says something about it and dani doesn't even remember saying it in the first place

obsetress: "i didn't say that"

"you literally did say that"

"why would i say that"

(jamie taylor eyebrow raise) "you tell me"

(dani clayton flush and stutter) "i–– i..."

em: dani mumbles something like i didn’t think it’d pan out like this i just wanted the cool gardener to think i was. semi normal

em: jamie waggles her eyebrows like cool gardener???

obsetress: dani bumps her shoulder into jamie's "shut up"

"don't think i will, actually"

em: jamie starts to v seriously eat her burger layer by layer. danis like ‘ur taking the mick!’ and jamies like (sheepish) naw i just. wanted to see what it’s like

---

em: every so often they’ll run into someone who went to school w jamie or knew her as a youth and they’re like ‘wow you’ve mellowed out heaps’

em: therapy queen

em: theyre in a pub and someone’s like ‘as i live and breathe! jamie taylor! i heard you died! someone told me you were arrested for (crime that becomes bigger and more outlandish w every new person)’ and jamies like ‘aye’ and they’re like

em: all sharing a beer at a quaint little pub n this old acquaintance from before has these v chaotic stories and danis like

em: jamie? my jamie? u must be confused. jamie goes to bed at 9:30pm watching antiques roadshow

obsetress: jamie just grins a lil

em: danis like haha jamie wow ur so mysterious and (she is already casing the joint for places to sneak off too)

---

em: damvibecca sittin in a circle passing a joint around

em: a nice thought

obsetress: Wholesome

obsetress: dani falls asleep first, with her head in jamie's lap and they're all just kinda vibin and rebecca gets up to get her a blanket or smth and vi's just kinda like

obsetress: "you're really good for her, you know"

obsetress: all quiet and pensive

em: jamie takes a loooooonng pause and she’s like. i was sceptical but. you’re good for becs too

em: and then even quieter she’s like

em: thanks

em: the softest thank u from one jamie taylor

obsetress: rebecca gets back and looks back n forth between the two of them

"why are you two being weird"

"we're not–- what?"

"we're just sitting here, baby"

obsetress: rebecca narrows her eyes

---

obsetress: jamie likes vi for becs because vi reminds her to live a little

obsetress: and can also keep up with her temperament because holy shit did jamie hate all of becca's bougie shit

em: jamie absolutely has um

em: like a repairs pile that shes gonna get around to Some Day re fixin clothes etc and

em: as much as i love 'rebecca and jamie worlds most calm and collected no drama couple' im defs toying with like

em: their ONE Big fight is beccs throws out the repairs pile

obsetress: "i was gonna––"

"no you WEREN'T, jamie!"

em: jamies like i The Tool I Needed is outta stock i had to- and becs is like? what, like you couldnt make do?

em: and even then when the heat dies down its still v calm and civil but like

em: FINALLY a lil dramatic angle to jamie rebecca

em: dani loves the repairs pile bc she loves a project

obsetress: she's also very content to let jamie have her silly little thing

obsetress: because it doesn't bother her and jamie is very good at keeping it in her space

obsetress: rebecca asks her about it one day and dani's like "oh i'm just glad she has a hobby :)"

em: couple times jamie's like. shes been tryna repair this one chair for months and eventually shes like

em: (swings axe) winters coming

obsetress: dani just watches with the dopiest grin

obsetress: jamie's all wot

obsetress: and dani's like

obsetress: :) you're hot :)

em: danis like hey i know its a brisk autumn but um

em: if u wanna

em: mimes taking shirt off

obsetress: jamie does it

obsetress: jamie rolling her eyes as she unbuttons the top couple buttons then tugs her shirt over her head

obsetress: but she's grinning

obsetress: dani sneaking up behind her as she's sorting the wood and just leaning into her bare back

obsetress: jamie jumps "oi!" and dani grins and nuzzles between her shoulders

---

obsetress: been having so many becca feelings in our rewatch

em: oh gosh

em: i love her she truly is a tragic character

obsetress: same

obsetress: i just want her to live happily ever after in her lil power lesbian outfits with her lil power lesbian wife

obsetress: like she needs someone who can MATCH her

obsetress: her energy and her intensity and her passion

obsetress: and like she and jamie can push each other to be better but jamie’s just kinda like “lemme chill n do my gay little tasks” yknow

em: ya and like they Worked but they worked Much better as friends than anything romantic

em: jamies the lesbian best friend that’s like girl. stop settling for mediocre men with accents

obsetress: yeah!

em: jamie ‘how soon is too soon to ask out my good friend rebecca jessel after her v messy break up w peter quint’ taylor

em: and then rebecca ends up being the one like ‘have you ever thought about us?’ while jamies agonising over it like four months later

em: rebeccas a little go getter and jamie needs a little bit of a shove sometimes

obsetress: jamie, surrounded by three shovers,

obsetress: rebecca says it so casually over dinner like she’s talking about the weather and jamie’s like !?

obsetress: i can also see like

obsetress: rebecca says that bit about "have you ever thought about us" at dinner and jamie blanches and second guesses everything they do "is....... is this a date" becca just shrugs "do you want it to be?"

em: jamies motormouthing like ok but i cannot stress enough that i was comforting you about ur break up in a friend way no ulterior motives way i am ur friend first and foremost and rebecca just like

em: lets her get it out of her system

em: ‘well what about my ulterior motives’

obsetress: she WOULD

obsetress: "did you ever consider that maybe i had ulterior motives"

em: jamie: (pursing her lips, furrowing her brow that way she does) you had a messy break up with peter quint….. to seduce me.

em: rebecca: mmhmm

obsetress: jamie: me?

obsetress: rebecca: well, maybe a couple of reasons, but... yeah. you were up there

---

em: after i asked out [ex] i spent ages agonising over when it would be appropriate to kiss her (i know...) and then one night at a party she’s like ‘so why haven’t u kissed me yet?’ and i’m like are u fucken. mate it takes two to tango

obsetress: oh my god?

em: drawing from that

em: jamie thinks they’re taking it slow (but not that slow) and rebecca is like girl what

em: ‘i never took you for old fashioned’

‘wot, me?’

'mmhm’

‘old fashioned?!’

‘well, you haven’t kissed me yet-‘

‘you haven't kissed me! i figured you wanted to take it slow after p-‘ and then rebecca like full on dips jamie and kisses her

em: rebeccas like always wanted to do that at least once lol

em: jamie is speechless for a couple minutes

obsetress: rEBECCA

---

obsetress: thinking thoughts rebecca jamie same height but rebecca heels

obsetress: jamie looking up @ her all

obsetress: rebecca in her heels and is chilly and jamie getting up onto her tip toes to wrap her big coat around rebecca's shoulders

em: softtt

[inkykeiji]

Clariii hiya I hope you are doing good 💕

I’m sorry I have taken a while to reply, been packing again to move into new student housing so busy stressful times sorting all that stuff out but I’m moving this week so not too much stress left <3

My tattoo actually didn’t hurt at all, I got my lil koi fish done on the side of my wrist like if you hold your arms out straight and then turn it to the side so your thumb is facing up its on that side if that makes any sense - ngl it was kinda relaxing, I told my tattoo artist that I could’ve fallen asleep

Also I saw your post about damiano and omg in so happy that you love them too - I thought you would like them and honestly the whole band are fashion icons and I am obsessed <3 because they won Eurovision they’ll do a Europe tour and I am hoping to get tickets whenever the dates are realised because I need to see them live

How are you doing? What have you been up to recently? I haven’t managed to make anymore progress on the film list you gave me so no film updates unfortunately - oh actually I went to see Candyman in the cinemas and it was not my favourite horror in the world, more gory than scary which I don’t mind but gore doesn’t bother me, I’m not very squeamish so if I see a horror movie I do want it to scare me and I can’t say that this one did so if you’ve seen it or were planning on it then that is just my thoughts <3

Anyways I’ll finish this lil ramble now, I’m glad to see you’re doing a bit better now but remember to stay hydrated and rest because being a bad bitch is hard work (I apologise if that was kinda cringe but I mean it with love) <3

I’ll love you and leave you now, hope you’re having a fantastic day and I’m sending you all the love and hugs in the world <333-🍯

hi honey bb!!!

no oh my gosh no need for apologies!!! that sounds really stressful but also really exciting!! i hope everything went smoothly <3

WAAAH THAT SOUNDS SO CUTE!!!!!!! omg no i totally get what you mean, i don't really mind the feeling but i'm also a huge masochist sooooo LMAO

YES YES YES OH MY GOSH I'M SO GLAD YOU SAW IT HAHAHA holy fuck yes i'm totally obsessed too honestly i think they're all v talented and i find them super inspiring???? both my boyfriend and i also feel this immense amount of pride for them, being italian ourselves you know? AAAAAH oh my gosh i hope you get tickets!!! we nearly bought tickets to their show in rome in 2022 since we plan to travel to italy in 2022 to explore potential places to live (but i really don't want to go in july lmao so :( we didn't purchase them).

i'm,,,,,,, ah. yeah. every day is different; some days are better than others. but i won't give up!!! i'm trying my very best to get better again, and i have a few appointments coming up etc.

in happier and more exciting news, i finally got my hair done!!! decided to dye it ash blonde (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ i really love it, i miiiiiiight post a photo for a split second to share it with everyone, waaah idk i'm rly shyyyy

other than that, i've been spending a lot of time with my family + my boyfriend. we've been going to the zoo a lot, and just this past weekend we went hiking right along the niagara whirlpools, so that was super fun and scary but rly pretty hehe <3 my boyfriend and i are also picking up learning italian again (LMAO) because the prospect of moving to italy seems to be becoming more and more of a reality with each passing day, so!! my mom's been speaking to me in italian at home, but she speaks a calabrian dialect and not standard italian, so there's a bit of a disconnect there hehehe <3 but it's still cool, she's so happy we're learning lmao

and then every day i write a bit of break my bones. i've been jumping between part four, part five, and the epilogue, but so far i'm really happy with what i've written, even if it's going suuuuper slowly (i only wrote like 800 words last night D: but it's better than nothing!)

i totally get u on the candyman issue; i wasn't planning on seeing it in theatres but i'm with you 100% on gore vs terror. like i LOVE gore but i don't find it scary. i haven't been to a theatre in so long and i miss it a lot but :( i'm still really selective on the public places i'll go to hahaha

ah thank you so much for this message, honeybun <333 i love you more than anything!!!!! i hope you're doing well, and that the beginning of school is being kind to you <3 HAHAHA pls ur so cute <33 i am trying my best to take care of myself, pinky promise!! hopefully i can return fully to my blog soon :(

[daughterofelros]

I’m seeing a fair bit of anger on my dash today directed at the idea of a poly relationship between Alex, Michael, and Maria.

Now, I multi-ship and will entertain most things, so I’ll definitely be appreciative of a lot of the meta and creative content that comes about here.

I’m also Poly myself. So I will brook no Puritanical Hatred of any forms of Ethical Non-Monogamy (any time where a person dates or is intimate with more than one person, and their partner(s) are aware of it.) I’m a firm defender of the idea that love isn’t a finite resource, and that Poly is valid as an option for how we configure relationships.

But there are ALOT of misconceptions out there that have me wide-eyed and pulling out my hair, because I hate miscommunication.

So I want to address a few of them— because given the state of ship drama in RNM fandom, when we use the same term without understanding it’s multiple meanings, miscommunication is a given, and it leads to needless harm.

Throuple: First, let’s get this out of the way. Biggest red flag that the person talking about three people dating doesn’t move in Poly communities? If they use this word. “Throuple” is not a thing. It exists solely in the mind of Hollywood Screen Writers and Web Article Authors. The only time I’ve ever heard a Poly person use this term is to roll our eyes and mock it. There are serious reasons for that, but we usually try to keep to eye rolling and move on.

Why Throuple Isn’t A Thing: So, Poly is a form of Ethical Non-Monogamy.

That means the relationship dynamics that require one person to date two others equally at the same time in the same way? Unrealistic expectation and best, deeply unethical at worst— dictating who someone can, can’t, or should love isn’t ethical, and that’s what an expectation of three people all dating each other the same way is. Triads where everyone dates each other are really, really rare. And ones where two or more of the people identify as male? Extra extra rare. That triangle where everyone dates everyone else? Deeply unusual.

And in the case where it does exist? There are four relationships, not just one— each relationship between each point of the triangle, AND the overall group relationship too. Each of those have to be invested in, and each of those have to be their own autonomous relationship that grows and changes at its own pace.

Also, it should never be assumed that two people will date because they both like the same person. And people shouldn’t be expected to date if their attractions are incompatible. People also shouldn’t be expected to date if they’re Bi/Pan but not automatically into each other. In the rare event a triad forms and everyone dates everyone else...each dynamic should be unique and grow at its own pace. It’s not just monogamy with an extra body.

Okay, so...Triad?: Yup! Triad is a much better word! One that Poly people actually use to describe themselves, or aspects of their dating life. Though again, really rare to have 3 people all date each other.

Wait, what do Poly Reationships look like if everyone isn’t dating?: Most often, they look like “V” or “hinge” relationships, where Person A and Person C each date Person B, but not necessarily each other.

(Fun reminder: dating and sex aren’t necessarily the same thing, so these dynamics are about expressing a relationship, not all about sex.) Also, just because they’re not dating, the dynamic between A and C might still be REALLY important. Sometimes, there’s not much connection, but usually, that metamour dynamic is super important.

Metamour?: Yup! Vocab lesson— metamour is how you say “partner’s partner”. It’s two people dating the same person, but not each other. This looks different for different people, but for a lot of poly folks, the support structure between metamours is one of the grand benefits of Poly. Metamours may go out for coffee, hang out together, be friends, play video games together, go to the gym together, hang out and cook together, and spend time with their mutual partner both together and alone. Everyone’s mileage may vary, because some folks prefer a polite distance and don’t really ever hang out. Me? I play D&D with most of my metamours, and I’ve spent the weekend on a fishing trawler with one of my metamours because she needed a buffer from her bigoted family during their annual fishing trip. Another metamour has kids in the school where I work, so sometimes I pick the kids up! We all have big dinner parties or movie nights that involve different parts of the polycule. Our dynamic is very “kitchen table” with everyone being a big ol’ family.

Multiple Metamours? Polycule?: Yeah! Most poly people are open to dating more than 2 people over time. As we map these relationships, that tends to look like a constellation or a diagram of a molecule. Hence, “polycule”. Poly rarely looks like a closed triangle. It also doesn’t usually involve just a single V. More often, it involves a bunch of different configurations, and a bunch of ways of setting up households (including deliberately not living together. Lots of folks practice solo poly where they don’t cohabitate with anyone else. Some folks are all raising kids together in the same house. Lots of dynamics exist in-between those points!)

Here’s a great polycule map from Kimchee Cuddles! It shows how dynamics shift over time, overlap, and weave together. Diagrams like this are frequently drawn by Poly folks, oftentimes on napkins over dinner.

But...Isn’t Jealousy An Issue?: Sure! Jealousy can be a thing- it’s a really human emotion! Most people who find themselves living a Poly life find themselves have to deal with jealousy at some point. One key thing though is that for most Poly folks, jealousy isn’t seen as the expected response to a situation (like seeing someone you love kiss someone else). Instead, it’s treated as a sign that there’s some kind of unmet need to reflect on and unpack, and you get to work it out and communicate about it. A lot of us think about it as check engine light. But there’s also this beautiful counterpoint to jealousy, and it’s called Compersion!

Compersion?: Compersion is the BEST! It’s really just...being happy because someone else is happy! In Poly, that might be the fact that you find yourself smiling when you see a cute moment between your partner and metamour, or see them getting excited for a date. It’s joyful and bubbly and sweet. It’s feeling your heart soar because you see your partner happy and in love. It can exist alongside jealousy— being happy that your partner and their date went to an awesome concert, even though you couldn’t afford a ticket yourself— or it can be so bright and lovely that it completely fills the space that society says should be taken up by jealousy. It makes me giddy to see my partners smooch their other partners, or make breakfast together. I grin when I see them holding hands. Sometimes a group of us are together doing something very normal like hiking...but we’re all grinning like idiots because the Compersion in hearing the mix of conversations and hand holding and flirtation is so infectious that we’re all filled with joy from it.

The thing is, we’re actually used to feeling Compersion in some societally accepted ways— when someone gets a new job, or is excited they’re having a baby, or gets engaged. One of the easiest things in the world is feeling happy for someone you love because they’re happy. And it’s kind of mind-blowing to have the realization that that’s true in romantic contexts as well.

Look- polyamory requires a lot of communication. It takes willingness to work out issues through communication. But a lot of the reasons we think ‘that could never work’ are reflexive judgements based on social constructs. Anyone who desires the benefits enough to put in the work of communicating can do Poly well, if they find it suits their needs. And when we look at fiction, characters who experience love for more than one character at a time can always be imagined in scenarios where that commitment is possible and can be achieved. There are so many valid ways those relationships can work.

And since I would always rather see my beloved characters end up happy than broken hearted, I’m always going to be intrigued by characters who figure out that Poly is an option, in fanworks or in canon. Maybe it’s not my endgame hope, maybe it is. Maybe both can be things I enjoy.

That doesn’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea.

But we should recognize that there are a lot of ways to arrange relationship in monogamous ways, as well as in polyamorous ones... and that Poly dynamics are often very different than monogamous one. So if someone says they’re sailing a poly ship for some characters... it’s probably not the S.S. Monogamy With Three People.

That ship is out there, but it’s only one of the many ships in the fleet.

And you have the option to tour a poly ship, or book passage on it, or stay aboard your own ship. Just...kindly don’t open your gun ports and fire off a volley because you don’t think the ship should be on the ocean if it’s flying a poly flag.

[bettydice]

(Planning the Day) To Meet You

Wangxian, Modern AU, Slow Burn, E-Rated

[Read on AO3]

Chapter 8

Thursday, Wei Ying-less

Determined to get this paper done and out of the way of meeting Wei Ying as quickly as possible, Lan Wangji goes straight to work after breakfast. He wants to, anyway. Except… He finds it abnormally difficult to concentrate. His phone and his lockscreen are right there.

After thirty minutes of unproductivity, Lan Wangji calls his brother and asks him whether he can stay with him for the next few days to finish his paper without distractions. Xichen doesn’t even ask him what could possibly be distracting him alone in his flat and instead happily invites him over and offers to cook for him every day.

When Lan Wangji arrives at Xichen’s flat, his brother has already cleared space on his desk and made a pot of tea. Lan Wangji thanks him, hands him his phone for safekeeping and goes to work. This time, he is way more successful and only allows himself short breaks to hang out with Cloud and Jade.

He only looks at his phone after dinner, when he’s about to go to bed. He finds he has several missed messages from Wei Ying and eagerly props himself up on a pillow to read them.

Wei Ying Lan Zhan, good luck today! work hard! ^_^v

Wei Ying remember to take breaks too stay hydrated :)

Wei Ying you must be hard at work, hm? good good ❤

Wei Ying Still working? Lan Zhan, don’t overdo it! your brain needs rest too

Wei Ying it’s good you’re so diligent once you’re done, I’ll give you a reward ;)

Lan Wangji Thank you for your messages. Sorry I didn’t reply sooner. I don’t keep my phone next to me while writing. So I don’t get distracted. I’m looking forward to the reward. I hope Wei Ying had a good day.

Lan Wangji barely has any time to look at his lockscreen, because Wei Ying replies almost instantly.

Wei Ying ah that’s good to hear! You work so hard ❤ my day was mostly boring :( Wen Qing was home and was annoyed by me so I went to the library but the library is no fun without Lan Zhan!

Lan Wangji I missed you today.

Wei Ying Lan Zhan… ❤ ❤❤ You should rest now You have to work more tomorrow

Lan Wangji ❤

Saturday & Sunday, Wei Ying-less

Saturday and Sunday pass about the same way and not as quickly as he’d like. His brother stays mostly out of his way, but will occasionally bring him tea or some fruit or a bunny. It’s getting harder and harder to not ask Xichen to give him back his phone and call Wei Ying to meet him. Or at least message him. Or look at his lockscreen for a few minutes. All Lan Wangji can do is to try to write this paper even quicker. However, ultimately there’s only so much rushing he can do. His degree is still important to him, even though at the moment it may feel less important than kissing Wei Ying.

Every evening, messages from Wei Ying are waiting for him, sent throughout the day. Little signs Wei Ying has been thinking about him and keeps thinking about him. Lan Wangji tells Wei Ying every evening that he misses him, and he hopes Wei Ying believes it.

Monday, sadly Wei Ying-less

At 5:30 p.m., Lan Wangji is officially done with his paper. He’ll take another look at it tomorrow morning, making sure to catch all errant typos and the like, before he’ll send it off to his professor. Once that is done, he can finally see Wei Ying again.

To celebrate, Xichen has bought dinner at Lan Wangji’s favourite restaurant and a plate filled with dumplings and lightly seasoned vegetables awaits him. It tastes delicious, as does the jasmine tea Xichen brews for them after dinner. They take it to the living room and sit down on the couch, finally able to enjoy their first proper conversation this weekend. Lan Wangji makes sure to tell Xichen all about the forest playground. Xichen looks at the picture with A-Yuan and the dam and agrees that the dam looked very sturdy and A-Yuan adorable. In turn, Xichen tells him about a few ideas he had how to improve his studio and shows him a list of exercises he’s thinking about including in his repertoire.

After their last heart-to-heart, things have changed between them. No loud, obvious changes. A gentle shift in their dynamic that feels natural. Lan Wangji tries to say things before Lan Xichen has to ask and he thinks it helps Xichen feel like his questions are not unwelcome.

“You’re always welcome here, I hope you know that. I liked having you around, Wangji.”

“I liked being here. Sorry for not staying longer.”

“Ah, no, not at all. You need your own bed and you want to see Wei Wuxian.” Xichen smiles knowingly and Lan Wangji nods, slightly embarrassed, since he’s very right about both of those things. ”I have my first client this week anyway, I think it would be awkward for you to be around.”

“Xichen, that’s great. You didn’t tell me.”

“Well, a half-client maybe. Nie Huaisang asked me whether I wanted to, how did he put it, ‘practice on someone who’s just happy to get a massage’ to ‘get back into the flow’.” Xichen laughs softly and Lan Wangji can’t help but smile.

“That does sound like Huaisang. And like a good idea.” Lan Wangji feels a little bad when he remembers their last phone conversation. He should write Huaisang a message later and thank him.

“I think so, too. I’m excited to get back to work.” Xichen seems to really mean it. A part of Lan Wangji’s heart that has been tense for over a year finally relaxes a little.

“I’m glad.”

“What about you? What are you going to do with the rest of your term break? This was your last paper, right?”

“Mn. Have some reading to do for the next semester, but no papers.”

“I suppose you’ll be seeing Wei Wuxian a lot?”

“... Mn.” Lan Wangji smiles a little at the thought. Now there’s no reason not to spend as much time as possible together.

“You’re free to borrow my car any time.”

“Thank you.” If they could take A-Yuan to the forest playground again that would be lovely. Or maybe a longer day trip to the beach?

“Remember that uncle owns a cottage in the mountains. Maybe you want to take Wei Wuxian there for a romantic weekend trip?”

Lan Wangji is really glad he isn’t currently eating or drinking anything, otherwise he’d surely have choked. While the thought is not unwelcome, he didn’t expect his brother to say something like that, especially not while wearing such a delighted grin that can even rival one of Wei Ying’s tamer wicked grins.

“Ah, too soon for that? I apologise.” Lan Xichen does not look sorry.

“Mhm... “ Lan Wangji really wouldn’t mind at all. They could even bring A-Yuan, if everyone would be okay with that. Lan Wangji could cook for them and they could hike to the waterfall and A-Yuan could build and destroy as many dams as he would like. They wouldn’t have to say goodbye in the evening.

Xichen clears his throat and Lan Wangji is drawn away from his lovely thoughts.

“Mn. Too soon.” But maybe one day.

Lan Wangji can’t stop thinking about how it would be if he took Wei Ying to the cottage. All the way back to his flat his mind conjures visions of Wei Ying in front of the fireplace, face glowing. Wei Ying sitting on a counter top in the kitchen in one of his soft sweaters, collarbone showing, while Lan Wangji prepares dinner. Wei Ying closing the door to A-Yuan’s room after they’d brought him to bed and looking at Lan Wangji, eyes intense and -

He has to stop himself there, because he is using the subway and there are people around.

As soon as he arrives home, he drops his things, takes off his clothes, not even caring to put them away properly, and hurries to the shower.

When the hot water hits his skin, Lan Wangji is already fully hard. He closes his eyes and instantly returns to where he stopped earlier.

Wei Ying looks up at him, biting his lip. All day, anticipation has been building between them… Lingering looks and touching, ever growing in intensity. Tiny kisses pressed against the cheek or the corner of the mouth. And now… now.

Lan Wangji takes Wei Ying’s hand and drags him into their bedroom. He closes the door behind them and finally, finally they’re kissing. Hungry, open-mouthed kisses.

Maybe Lan Wangji doesn’t know what it actually feels like, but his cock is more than happy with what’s happening in his imagination. He leans against the wall and grips himself tighter, strokes himself quicker.

He takes off Wei Ying’s hair tie, light blue, and watches as his hair falls long and soft across his shoulders, down his back. He wants to keep kissing his lips but also all the other parts of him he can reach and -

Lan Wangji is almost completely undone already, heat blazing in his stomach and behind his eyes. He decides to skip ahead, so his imagination is on the same level as his cock.

They’re both naked, now lying down, the bed or the floor, it doesn’t matter. Wei Ying’s hand is on Lan Wangji’s cock and they’re still kissing and Lan Wangji is hot all over, so close now. Wei Ying moves to mouth at Lan Wangji’s jaw and squeezes him, just right. Lan Wangji gasps “I love you” -

- and then he comes all over his shower door. Again.

Tuesday, Eighteenth Day with Wei Ying

Lan Wangji has successfully handed in his paper and arranged a meeting - a date? - with Wei Ying for 3 p.m. His reward is apparently going to be some ice cream. Spending time with Wei Ying is a reward by itself, of course and the lemon sorbet last time was refreshing, but… Meeting outside, going to a park where there’ll be other people around, isn’t quite the intimate setting Lan Wangji has been hoping for. Maybe he can ask Wei Ying to come over to his apartment after, for… coffee? No, Lan Wangji knows he will not be able to invite Wei Ying with such an obvious excuse. He really wants to kiss Wei Ying, kiss him properly and deeply, but not like this, not with shallow phrases and the expectations and pressure such an invitation would bring. Another time.

Their ice cream date is lovely, as expected. Well, the lemon sorbet tastes as decent as last time and they’re able to find a bench in the shade, next to a little pond. Both very lovely. However, Lan Wangji can’t ignore how Wei Ying’s smiles have a little bit of an edge today, like on Wednesday evening, before they said goodbye. But nothing really tangible, nothing Lan Wangji can really put a finger on. Wei Ying is always fidgety, but is it worse today? He chatters as happily and quickly as he always does, telling Lan Wangji all about his weekend and often, he’ll put a hand on Lan Wangji’s arm and keep it there for a while.

Still, Lan Wangji can’t help but feel uneasy, but decides to finish eating his ice cream before trying to ask Wei Ying about it. Wei Ying seems to have been waiting for him to finish, too, because as soon as Lan Wangji eats the last bite of his ice cream cone, Wei Ying looks at him and cocks his head.

“So, what are you going to do, now you have handed in your paper? Immediately start on the next one?”

“No more papers.”

“Oh, good for you!” Wei Ying bumps his shoulder into Lan Wangji’s arm and smiles. Lan Wangji thinks he sees a hint of sadness? Melancholy? “I suppose that means no more library time for you! Freedom!”

“Mn.”

“Ah, good for you. Mhm, it was nice seeing you so often, but nobody wants to sit in those stuffy rooms during summer, right?”

Cold panic curses through Lan Wangji. Did he hear that right? Does Wei Ying think they have no reason to meet now?

Wei Ying is oblivious to this and quickly continues. “You must be so relieved to get a reprieve from my shenanigans, haha! No more shameless porn in the library!”

Oh.

Lan Wangji had simply assumed they’d spend even more time together now, as much as possible, preferably all of his time. But of course Wei Ying has his own life, his own plans. He doesn’t think Wei Ying means that he doesn’t want to see him anymore, but it’s hard to think calmly about this when his heart is beating so painfully in his chest.

“Wei Ying. Do you still have things to do in the library?”

“Me? Haha, of course not! I only ever went there to… well… Uhm, I’m done with all my random reading.”

Only ever went there to… meet Lan Wangji? The cold that had gripped him before, slowly begins to thaw.

“Are you busy with other things?”

“Eh, I have this one project to finish before next term, but it’s boring and I can do that in one night. A-Ning might need help with a thing or two, but other than that… nope!”

“Then why…” Lan Wangji turns so he can look into Wei Ying’s eyes. “We can still see each other often then. Every day, if Wei Ying wants to.”

Wei Ying stares at him, wordlessly and stunned. It’s not quite his ‘Lan Zhan, did you just flirt?’ expression, it’s something more vulnerable. As if he’d never thought Lan Wangji would say something like that.

“Oh,” he finally whispers. Then he clears his throat and smiles, no edges this time, only relief. “Of course I want to. But you don’t have to! I’m sure you have a lot of things you want to do, now you have all this free time! Meet people, visit places, hug your bunnies, play your guqin or -”

Lan Wangji puts his hand over Wei Ying’s hand, because in the past it seemed to have helped him get his point across. “I want to spend my time with you. A-Yuan, too.”

Wei Ying stares again, opens his mouth and closes it again, before any words come out. Then he lowers his head, looks down at Lan Wangji’s hand on his hand and stays like that, silent, for a long time.

Lan Wangji tries really hard to be patient, to let Wei Ying work through whatever he has to work through, but the more time passes, the harder it gets. He looks down at his watch and decides to give Wei Ying another thirty seconds. After that time has passed, he entwines their fingers like Wei Ying did on the playground and softly says: “Wei Ying.”

Wei Ying finally lifts his head again and even meets his eyes. His own eyes are slightly red, though no tears seem to have been spilled. And he’s smiling, free of edges.

“I’m sorry, Lan Zhan. You need to stop being so sweet to me, obviously I can’t handle it.”

“No.” If anything, this just proves he needs to be even sweeter.

“No?” Wei Ying looks taken aback for a second and then starts laughing, throwing his head back. “No, he says. Ah, Lan Zhan, you’re amazing.”

Wei Ying’s laughter eventually quiets down into a gentle smile and he leans against Lan Wangji’s arm and rests his head on his shoulder.

“Did you really say every day?”

“Mn.”

“Ridiculous.” But Wei Ying sounds fond as he says this and Lan Wangji can finally relax.

Wei Ying lifts their intertwined hands and presses a kiss to the back of Lan Wangji’s hand. Maybe it’s not the type of kiss he’s been dreaming about, but this feels meaningful. And necessary, so he can keep kissing Wei Ying in many ways, for a long time.

Wei Ying Lan Zhan ❤ Do you want to come over for dinner tomorrow? 6 pm?

Lan Wangji Yes, I’d love to. Thank you.

Wei Ying don’t thank me haha Wen Qing has to work so she won’t be there to supervise cooking

Lan Wangji I could come earlier and help.

Wei Ying nooooooo no no you’re invited Do you like scallion pancakes?

Lan Wangji I do.

Wei Ying Oh great! I can do those pretty reliably. See you tomorrow Lan Zhan Sweet dreams ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Lan Wangji ❤

Wednesday, Nineteenth Day with Wei Ying

Dinner is just as lively an affair as last time, maybe even more so without the calming influence of Wen Qing. The scallion pancakes taste delicious, despite being burnt in a few places. Wei Ying drowns the taste in chili oil again.

Lan Wangji had hoped he’d get to listen to another one of Wei Ying’s good night stories, but after Wei Ying casts the Dream Spell over A-Yuan, Wen Ning is the one to tuck him into bed and Wei Ying takes Lan Wangji’s hand and pulls him into his room.

Wei Ying looks determined, as though he brought Lan Wangji here with a purpose. Once they’re alone, standing in the middle of his room, still holding hands, he looks intently at Lan Wangji, opens his mouth to say something and… falters. He averts his eyes and instead turns his gaze towards his desk. The flowers are still there, though they look decidedly less… alive.

“Ahaha, sorry. I didn’t want to throw them away, but they do look really sad now, don’t they?”

“I can bring you new ones. If you’d like.”

“I did like looking at them, but it’s such a waste to bring me flowers! Or any plants, for that matter. They’ll just die tragically.”

Lan Wangji makes a noncommittal noise, thinking he can simply take care of Wei Ying’s plants and flowers for him. Since they’ll be seeing each other often.

Since Wei Ying is still holding his hand, Lan Wangji tugs on his hand and waits for Wei Ying to look at him again.

“Ah, how rude of me! Please sit down, Lan Zhan!”

Nervous energy seems to have replaced all of Wei Ying’s determination; he lets go of Lan Wangji’s hand and gently pushes him towards the bed. They sit down next to each other, and Lan Wangji decides he will quietly wait for Wei Ying to calm down and tell him whatever it is he wants to tell him.

For a while, they sit in silence. Well, mostly. Wei Ying isn’t talking but he’s restless - always bouncing his leg or drumming his fingers against the blanket, looking everywhere but at Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji isn’t someone who is troubled by silences, awkward or otherwise, but it’s hard to not be affected by Wei Ying’s nervous energy. Especially when he doesn’t know why Wei Ying is nervous. It feels different than yesterday, but again, Lan Wangji isn’t quite sure why he thinks it’s different. It’s just a feeling, after all.

“Dinner was nice.” Lan Wangji eventually breaks the silence with a pitiful - in his opinion - attempt at small talk.

“I’m glad! Good! Who doesn’t love pancakes, haha!” Wei Ying’s leg bouncing intensifies. “A-Ning is a good cook.”

“Mn. Wei Ying too.”

“Ha. Haha, thanks.” Now both legs are bouncing.

“Wei Ying.”

“Lan Zhan!”

Lan Wangji clears his throat and frowns when Wei Ying finally looks at him.

“It’s nothing, nothing. Don’t worry!”

Lan Wangji simply raises one eyebrow.

“Ah, Lan Zhan, don’t look at me like that! Just give me a minute or ten, okay!” He rests his hand on top of Lan Wangji’s thigh, but takes it away again, before Lan Wangji can hold it. Then he stands up. “I’m going to grab a drink. Do you want some, too? Ah no, you said you don’t drink. Ha, sorry. I’ll be right back! Okay!”

Wei Ying practically flees the room and when the door closes behind him, Lan Wangji sighs deeply. He’s a bit at a loss and he’s also getting frustrated. What is it Wei Ying needs from him?

Lan Wangji waits for several minutes. When he notices he’s bouncing his leg, he gets up and goes looking for Wei Ying. He finds him in the kitchen, staring down at a shot glass filled to the brim with tequila (according to the open bottle on the counter). Is this his first glass, or has he been drinking the entire time?

“Wei Ying?”

Wei Ying flinches, so deep in thoughts he didn’t hear Lan Wangji approach.

“Oh, Lan Zhan! Sorry, I’m coming!”

Wei Ying takes the bottle and the glass and sits down at the dining table. Lan Wangji doubts he has a Lan-like rule of “no food or drinks in your room”, so did he sit down here to escape the intimacy of his bedroom? Lan Wangji watches with ever-growing frustration as Wei Ying throws back the shot, grimaces and then sends a weak smile Lan Wangji’s way.

“Wei Ying. What is going on?”

“Oh, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan. You’re really not making it easy for me you know? You look so handsome today.” Wei Ying points at him, as if accusing him of a minor crime. “That’s very rude, sidetracking me like that!”

“... I’m sorry?” Lan Wangji is wearing his favourite silk-blend shirt today and has most of his hair down, instead of tying it all back. Is this truly what has unsettled Wei Ying? It doesn’t seem likely.

Wei Ying laughs, almost a hysterical edge to it. “You’re also too cute! I’m suffering over here, you know?”

He fills his glass again and empties it just as quickly.

Lan Wangji isn’t quite sure how to react. Is Wei Ying deflecting with flirting again, or is he telling the truth in a way that doesn’t make sense to Lan Wangji?

Wei Ying fills his glass again and Lan Wangji suddenly has the pressing urge to slap it out of his hand. Instead, he grabs the glass and empties it himself. It tastes… abysmal.

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying almost knocks over the bottle on the table, so shocked is he by Lan Wangji’s display of bad decision-making. Because that’s what it is. ‘Lans don’t indulge in alcohol’ exists for a good reason, as most Lans have a very, very low alcohol tolerance. But it’s not indulging if he hates every drop of it, is it?

Lan Wangji grabs the bottle, and fills the glass once more.

[malgal7777]

Hiking with Tracy 2021: Week 2 - 1/10 thru 1/17 training.

Week 2 down and what a week it was!  Started out fairly mellow.  The hikes within the first weekend included two very familiar local beauties:  Point Pinole and Sibley Volcanic Regional Park.  These two are my personal favorite stomping grounds.  Hiking the perimeter of Point Pinole is always a pleasure. A easy 3 mile perimeter walk with views across the water of Marin to start and Vallejo/Martinez to end.  Gorgeous moss covered trees within the peninsula and plenty of bird wildlife to adore as you walk.  So serene and calming.  It is my happy place.  Sibley is a bit rockier and tons of inclines to keep you sweating.  The mileage here is up to you.  You can do a 1 mile loop or switch back on trails and do 8 miles!  I used to just do the Loop top, not aware that a whole expanse of land lay right in front of me.  I just had to go through the cattle gate (at the time, I didn’t realize you were allowed past those gates).  And it was like walking into Xanadu!  It had just rained (I LOVE hiking in the California rain) so the rolling hills were nothing but lush greenery.  I honestly remember my gasp of astonishment.  An acknowledgment of what I had been missing!  

Both of these parks are also off-leash dog parks.  So bring your best friend(s), I always do.  My dogs are definitely off-leashers.  They get hives when I try to put their collars on.  They’re quite a team, not much into other dogs, they like to explore, dig and run, run, run!!

But, the most notable thing about these hikes this week is I wasn’t alone.  I had company!  My West Coast “G” accompanied me at Point Pinole and Ms. Lisa V joined me at Sibley.  Can I just say that when you’re among good company time does fly.  I couldn’t believe how fast we marched through these parks.  I guess I’m usually daydreaming about the beautiful skies and what I’m going to do with all that money when I win the Powerball...hmmm.  Sorry, I digressed!  It’s a great way to catch up with friends.  The fresh air definitely allows a person to open up and talk.  Which I feel is a very cathartic release (am I using that word correctly?).  It’s been a pretty stressful year for EVERYONE.  There’s not one person on this planet who hasn't been affected by the pandemic one way or another.  Fresh air is the great reliever.  So, if you’re feeling the stress, just walk out your door and BREATHE!!

The week itself, I am proud to say, was filled with a couple of victories!  I introduced running back into my routine to help with building endurance.  The goal was to run for 30 minutes straight without stopping.  So, I slapped on some headphones and ran around a 4 block radius in the neighborhood, doing a big loop.  Now, between you & me, I think I walk/hike faster than I actually “run”.  I’m pretty slow.  I actually think I saw an old woman pass me while taking her dog for their morning walk.  AND the first two times I did not make the 30 minutes.  First time, 17 minutes, tops - and I stopped not once, but a few times in between.  But, I was determined so I got back out there and the second time, 25 minutes - and I stopped not once, but a few times.  But they are not kidding when they say “Third time’s a charm!” because on my third outing, I DID IT!  30 minutes, continually running.  AND I got 5,000 steps before 8am!  Which lead to my other victory, which was I made over (sometimes way over) 10,000 steps 6 out of 7 days!!  I was very proud of myself.  

So, the second weekend hikes were NOT so mellow.  I think I may have killed my family.  We were going to check out the Palo Alto park that just opened to the general public in December, Foothills Park.  I guess the rich people have been keeping the riff-raff out for decades.  The ACLU sued and prevailed and now hordes of the middle class are stretching their legs on hollowed wealthy ground!!  From reports I’ve been reading, it’s quite nice.  But, we’re going to wait on that one.  Everyone is heading there, so they close the gates early and there’s nothing worse than hiking with too many people on the trail anyway.  Pretty much what you’re trying to get away from.  But note rich folks of Palo Alto...the Alberts will be back! (maniacal laugh; maniacal laugh)!!

So we headed to the East side of the bay to Sunol Regional Wilderness.  WOW!  Fantastic.  I’ve been here before.  It’s the regional park with a couple of really cool rock formations:  Cave Rock and Little Yosemite.  Don’t get too excited when you read “Little Yosemite”.  If Yosemite was your whole body, Little Yosemite in Sunol Regional Wilderness is your pinky fingernail.  Not to say it’s not beautiful, because it is, it’s just “Little Yosemite” is a bit misleading.  That’s just one person’s view, you do not have to agree with it.  Also, when we arrived, there was a East Bay Hiking Challenge happening in the regional parks so the parking lot was PACKED!!  Luckily we found a spot pretty quickly but now there were tons of people around and they were all heading towards, yup you guessed it, Little Yosemite.  So the Alberts headed onto another trail near the car and what a delight!  No people.  Beautiful trail along the Alameda creek and spectacular views.  I wanted to do the full loop but we got ourselves into quite an incline that just WOULD NOT STOP.  Up, up, up...That’s when the Alberts broke down and the mutiny began.  Do we continue?  The trail down has got to be within the next turn. I wanted to continue, but my poor family was done.  Even the dogs were done.  We had to start carrying 13 year old Stella, our chihuahua.  I think she actually fell asleep in our arms!  They of course, were right.  No need to kill ourselves and the dogs and by the time we got back to the car we had done 5.5 miles up a very steep incline.  So it was a success.

On Sunday, I was on a reconnaissance mission for one of my April routes, the Bay Trail that runs from Emeryville to Richmond.  My goal in April is to go all the way to Richmond and back.  Sunday, I made it to the Albany bulb and back, which was a total of 10 miles!!  Let’s just say, my dogs are barking!  I started the trail with my bestie Sarah and her dog Tyson.  It was an absolutely gorgeous day to be walking along the water with friends.  Sarah & Tyson got their steps in and then left me to get my walk on.  Since the sounds of traffic aren’t exactly rewarding, I put on my headphones and the dulcet tones of Malcolm Gladwell’s podcast Revitionist History filled my mind with tons of “what ifs...”.  By the end of the walk I was grooving to the Dr. John Pandora station and Professor Longhair was urging me to “get my Red Beans cooking”.  

It’s going to be hard to beat this week.  But, I aim to please so stay tuned for me to get my “Red Beans cooking”!  

Remember if you can, please support Oakland Public schools by sponsoring me at:  https://runsignup.com/tracyalbert

Better yet, register yourself and create your own personal goal at Ride 4 Reason: https://rideforareason.weebly.com

[whentherewerebicycles]

this how not to die book is so good!!!!! here is what I love about it:

it is not focused on weight loss or dieting at all. while he sometimes mentions weight loss as a possible side effect of making certain changes, he never foregrounds it or presents it as the most important/most desirable aspect of changing one’s eating habits. there’s no fear-mongering about the “obesity epidemic” and no shaming language whatsoever about weight. it’s v focused on encouraging people to start where they are, wherever they are. I really appreciate how strongly he rejects the mentality of calorie counting, restricting portion sizes, obsessively monitoring weight gain/loss, and shaming oneself for “breaking” one’s “diet rules.” interestingly, he doesn’t use the language of “vegetarian” and “vegan” even though he’s advocating for a plant-based diet, because he’s found that those labels make people think about eating in terms of restrictions or what they can’t have.

I really like how upbeat and genuinely excited he is about food! it’s quite charming and you get the sense that he is someone who loves eating and has no shame about how much he enjoys food.

he explicitly disavows an “all-or-nothing” approach to changing eating habits. he recommends focusing on what you should add in before you start taking things out of your standard diet (ie, see if you can throw in half a cup of berries every day first, instead of feeling like you have to immediately eliminate everything ‘bad’ from your daily food intake right away). he also says it’s completely fine to eat something from his ‘red light’ list every now and then—it’s much more important to focus on adding as much good stuff to your usual daily eating habits than it is to ruthlessly police your food intake and deny yourself things you enjoy eating every once in a while. also he repeatedly emphasizes that the body has an incredible capacity to heal itself and reverse damage, and will spring into action to do so if you give it the chance. this seems to be true even in people who are very ill or have had chronic conditions for a long time or have simply been eating the Standard American Diet their whole lives. so it’s never ‘too late’ to begin gradually making changes by adding in more beans, vegetables, fruits, spices, and nuts, and looking to substitute some of the processed foods for plant-based foods.

the science is just fascinating!!! like so much of what he advises is stuff you know you’re supposed to eat or not eat, but it’s fascinating to learn more about why. I especially like the parts where he talks about what the human body evolved to eat—and how rapidly and completely the Western diet has shifted away from that in the past century.

I really like how chill he is about exercise. like, he definitely feels like it should be part of your daily routine, but he also is not into the extreme exercise programs like Crossfit etc, where it feels (from the outside at least) like an exercise cult. idk I definitely want to spend more time exercising this year but I’m realizing that I will just never be someone who loves the daily routine of going to the gym, or even to an exercise class. I love being outside and would so much rather try to get most of my daily movement through long walks or hikes or jogging. then it doesn’t feel like work or like a weird cult I am expected to devote my life to—it just feels like a wonderful treat I am giving myself at the end of a long day spent sitting at my computer, or a fun weekend adventure I am gifting to myself and Pip. ANYWAY I’m getting ahead of myself bc I haven’t read the exercise chapter yet, just what he’s said about it thus far in the book. so I’ll report back on that!

anyway sorry to evangelize for a food book, but I am really enjoying this one and would recommend it!

[devil-in-those-eyes]

Professional Part 5-Roger Taylor

Oh, dear. This part was hard to write, there’s a certain part that just gutted me, so good luck! This is also where I’m starting to take inspiration from the movie but enjoy! LEt me know thoughts!

Y/N-        

   Eight months had passed. Eight months of you and Roger sneaking around. Eight months of being totally consumed by Roger in the best way possible. You were happy beyond belief and it had been such a long time since you had been this happy, all thanks to Roger. After that night inside the hotel room, the two of you had come to some sort of agreement; you didn’t stop seeing each other but kept it under wraps. No secret touches, or stealing looks, no nothing in front of Paul and Jim and it was working perfectly for the two of you.

           You two never had to worry about the band eventually finding out, because the boys didn’t care what you and Roger did outside of the studio and arenas, they just wanted you two to be happy. It was Paul Prenter and Jim you had to worry about. But it was going good and neither man suspected a thing.

           Roger made the secret so easy. It was so easy being with him, like the two of you were made for each other and you hated to admit it but it seemed like he was actually settling down with you. His drinking became less and less as he found out that he enjoyed your company more than the outrageous parties and he hadn’t so much as looked at another woman. Your time alone, whether it was sharing sighs of pleasure or just sitting in front of the telly talking, made you forget about the outside world and you loved it. Not only did Roger make it easy, but he was also making it seem like a relationship and not some secret fling with sexual benefits.

           “I can’t fucking wait to take this dress off of you tonight,” Roger murmured as he came up behind you, his hand lingering on the curve of your ass a couple seconds too long, and handed you a flute of champagne.

           “Maybe then I’ll actually be able to breathe.” You answered while trailing a hand down your dress. It was black with quarter sleeves and a deep v-neck, coming to your knees but leaving little to the imagination. It was what Freddie left on your doorstep with a note, telling you he wanted you to wear it to his party. You had been so excited to wear it around Roger and watch his eyes pop out of his head, but you had been in it for nearly an hour and was regretting it.

           “You wont be doing much breathing when we get home, darling.” Roger’s eyes flitted down to your chest, his nostrils flaring as his mind began to wonder about all the different things he could do to you.

           “You do remember we are in public,” You said to him with raised eyebrows.

           “We’re at a party. I doubt anyone is paying attention to us,” he answered but let his eyes drift around to the people inside of Freddie’s home.

           It was another one of Freddie’s lavish parties but it was too over the top for you. You knew it was over the top for Roger and the other boys, but Freddie had begged them to come and also begged you to come so you did. Standing off to the side, in a house full of people you didn’t know, you found comfort in knowing that somewhere was Brian and Deaky and standing in front of you was the one man who made you feel alive.

           He looked perfect tonight, matching you in all black. Tight black leather pants clung to his legs and a button down shirt that was only halfway done up gave you a peek at his perfect chest, white blonde hair dusted the creamy skin. His hair was a mess and he blamed you, but it was him who wouldn’t stop hiking your dress up, pulling your knickers to the side and sucking at your clit. You couldn’t wait to get back to his place either.

           “Shall we go find the boys?” Roger asked, pulling you back from your thoughts. You nodded and he grabbed your hand, pulling you through the house. You both weaved in and out of the crowds, searching for Deaky and Brian, until you finally found them standing in the middle of the room with their girlfriends.

           “Ah, finally, friends.” Roger breathed before hugging Brian and Deaky.

           You smiled at the girlfriends before the two boys pulled you into hugs and greeted you with kisses on the cheeks. “Massive party, huh.” You said as Roger stood beside you, sipping on his flute of champagne.

           Brian grimaced and spoke over the loud music, touching Chrissie’s back, “We’re not staying long.”

           “It’s my weekend with Tay starting tomorrow, so I’m not staying long either.” Roger explained, but you knew that wasn’t fully the truth. Roger did see Tayla tomorrow, but he had been talking about leaving the party early since you started getting ready for the party.

           The conversation from then on flowed nicely, you spoke to Chrissie and Veronica and also the boys but it was nearly an hour before Freddie finally made his way to you lot. You could tell he was drunk and high and as Paul trailed behind him, like a sick puppy, you felt the tensions between the boys begin to rise again. It had started getting rough between the band and it was only getting worse the more Paul wiggled his way in between the boys. A nagging voice inside your head kept telling you that Paul was trying to sever the bond Freddie had with Deaky, Brian and Roger, but you tried to ignore it because Jim was and you weren’t about to bring it up to Jim.

           You sat silently as the boys tried to engage in a conversation with Freddie, but you could feel Roger tensing up beside you so you lifted a reassuring hand and brushed it over his back. It was a quick brush but when Roger’s head turned to look at you, you knew he felt it.

           A song came out through the house and someone turned it up, making it near impossible to hear, but Freddie motioned to you and Deaky, “Let’s go dance, you two!”

           You began shaking your head, not in the mood to dance around people you did not know. Deaky declined verbally, “I’m too sober, Fred.”

           Freddie groaned and waved us off, “You all are so dull.” He turned his eyes fully to Deaky, “I don’t understand how your girlfriend finds you interesting, Deaky.”

           Hurt ripped through Deaky’s eyes. “That’s a bit harsh, Fred.” You spoke up.

           “It’s just a joke, darling.” Freddie informed you but you shook your head, telling him it wasn’t funny at all.

           “Veronica and I are leaving.” Deaky spoke, grabbing onto the pretty blonde’s hand and pulling her away, not bothering to say goodbye to anyone and that’s when you knew Freddie had gone too far this time. The boys always teased and mocked one another, but Freddie’s words had no joke inside of them.

           Roger rubbed your back, “Let’s go.”

           You sighed and followed him, but Freddie stood in front of you two with Paul close by. Freddie frowned, “Please don’t tell me you’re leaving as well.”

           “I doubt you’ll miss us, Fred.” Roger said, trying to keep it civil.

           Freddie’s eyebrows lifted and he smirked under his mustache, “So, it’s an us now?”

           Roger took a protective step in front of you, almost preparing for the harsh words. “Rog’s just driving me home, Freddie. Nothing more.”

           Freddie didn’t believe the answer because he smirked down at you, “I thought Miami told you no personal connections, Y/N. You do seem to be spending more and more time with Roger.”

           “Careful, Fred.” Roger warned, his voice filled with a quiet angry threat. His hand clasped in yours as he issued one last warning glare and pushed past Freddie, bumping shoulders with Paul and wordlessly telling him to fuck off. When you passed Freddie, he continued to smirk down at you while his eyes swam in the alcohol, he didn’t look like the Freddie you loved. He was different, he was meaner and harsher and it was hurting you to see him like this and you knew it was hurting his friends as well.

           Roger was fuming with anger all the way back to his home and all you could do was let him stew in his anger because you weren’t sure what you could say to him to make it better. As Roger drove, he didn’t bother to hold your hand or even look at you and by the time you walked into his house you wondered if you should just head home.

           You left a change of clothes in his bedroom, so while he was making tea you began changing into the PJs you would drive home in. You heard Roger’s feet shuffling into the room, “I made you tea, love.”

           “Thank you, but I’m going to head home.” You spoke softly, shoving the dress and heels into your duffle bag.

           Roger sighed, “Love, don’t go.”

           You glanced over your shoulder and found him putting the two teacups down and making his way over to you. You crossed your arms over your chest as he finally reached you, brushing his knuckles down the curve of your neck. “Please, don’t go. Not right now, you’re the only thing that keeps me calm.” He breathed. “Fred can just make me so…”

           You touched his chest and stepped into his body, “let’s not talk about Fred.”

           Shivers raced up your spine as his big hand slid up your neck and twisted in your hair. He smiled softly at you, “I love the sound of that.”

           You never ended up leaving his home, instead he peeled off your pajama shorts and tank top and laid you down on the bed. It was slow and perfect, full of heated kisses and feather light touches. You breathed in his groans of pleasure and lived for what was in this moment. You had him eating out of the palm of your hand as you sat in his lap, pulling his clothes from his body and kissing down his chest until you licked a path up his throbbing member and wrapping your lips around the head. He squirmed and fisted his hand in your hair, taking control of how fast you were going.

           You thought Roger would want to take his anger and frustrations out on you, but his thrusts into you were slow just like the very first time you two were together. You could feel every hard ridge as he moved inside of you, his grip bruising as he held onto your thighs. His chest was brushing against yours while his head went from brushing his lips down your neck to kissing your lips, groaning the second you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer.

           You toppled over the edge together, your bodies in complete unison. You tugged on his hair as your body filled with warm tingles, a strangled cry fell from your lips and Roger watched you, loving the way you cummed around him.

           Afterwards you laid on his chest, head tucked in the crook of his neck and fingers dancing along the skin of his naked torso, the thin blanket hanging around your hips. You could feel his mind trailing off as his pointer finger circled over the shell of your ear, traveling down your neck and back up.

           His other hand reached and threaded his fingers between yours, holding them up. His hand was so much bigger than yours, and made yours look tiny when he reached out his fingers wide against yours. You smiled into his skin when he folded his fingers around yours again.

           “I feel like we’re losing him.” Roger whispered into the dark room. “We’re losing him.”

           You tilted your head back when you heard the tightness in his words. Roger was staring at your hands, his jaw clenched and an unreadable emotion inside his eyes, like he was trying to hide the tears from you. “Love, who are you talking about?” You asked and dropped his hand. You placed your hand on his chest and rested your other arm against the bed beside his head, resting your head in the palm of your hand.

           “Freddie,” his eyes filled with tears. “We’re losing him to Paul.”

           Your chest ached at the sight of the usually put together man as he was starting to fall apart before your eyes. Other than anger and when Roger flirted, you didn’t see much more emotion and wondered if he was capable of letting other people see it but as he turned his head to look at you, you realized this was the first time in four and a half years that you saw him cry.

           “Oh, my love.” You whispered slowly, bringing your hand up to push the blonde hair off of his forehead. You shook your head, “You’re not losing Freddie.”

           “Yes, we are, and you know it.” He argued.

           “Listen to me,” you said, raising your voice slightly so he took your seriously. You touched your hand to his cheek, making sure his eyes wouldn’t leave yours. “You, and Deaks and Brian are Freddie’s family and he knows it. Every family goes through fits, but your family… this family, it’s strong. You are not losing him to Paul.”

           A tear slipped from Roger’s eye and you caught it with your thumb. It made your own tears fill your eyes, “Please believe me, Rog.”

           Roger began to slowly nod and brought your head down to meet his. You closed your eyes as the tip of his nose brushed against yours before his lips pressed to your lips. The kiss was sweet and slow as he rolled on top of you and settled between your thighs, covering you with his body and blocking out anything that wasn’t just him, you and the way he made you feel in that moment.

           A couple days later you were walking into the record label for a meeting with Jim, who wanted to talk about where the boys next steps should be, which shows they would do and which talk shows should get the chance to have them on their show. Because you worked so closely with the boys and Jim, you saw him almost daily with your job and it had gotten easier and easier to be around him while you and Roger were sleeping together.

           At first it was hard because you didn’t like keeping things from the boys, let alone keeping Jim out of the picture, but it had to be done if you wanted to keep your position. But as time went on and the weeks bled into months and you and Roger continued falling into bed, it just got easier to keep it between you and Roger. It wasn’t like you and Roger were official, it was just sex. It wasn’t meaningless sex, but it was sex without labels. At this point you were sure that the boys had a feeling about what was going on, but none of the three said anything, not even as a joke. Brian, John and Freddie just wanted to keep you around and Roger would do anything to keep you close.

           “Jim,” you breathed as you settled into one of the chairs in front of his desk, folding a leg over the other and smiling his way.

           “Y/N,” he said and that was when something heavy settled inside your stomach. It was in the way he said his name, the look inside his eyes. He looked unhappy as he tried to mask it with a blank look on his face, it was too professional for a man you had been working under for nearly five years. Too professional for the man that took you right out from under another record labels nose and brought you along for the ride. Something was wrong.

           “Is everything all right?” You asked him, sitting up straighter.

           Jim sighed and rested his elbows against the desk, clasping his hands together. “Sadly, no, Y/N, everything is not all right. I didn’t ask you here to discuss the boys.”

           He knows. You felt yourself go pale as the little voice inside your head cowered in the corner, saying those two words over and over again. You found your voice, “Okay.”

           Jim lowered his hands and sat back in his chair. He looked almost pained to even have this conversation and as he looked at you, it only made your heart sink further into your stomach. “There’s no easy way to say this, Y/N, but I was told some unsettling news about you and Roger Taylor.” You opened your mouth to say something, but you didn’t even know what you could say to Jim. you couldn’t try and lie, that would be stupid. Either way, he spoke over you. “Y/N, I told you what would happen if your relationship turned personal with the boys.”

           Unwanted tears filled your eyes. Please, god no.

           “Y/N, I have to let you go. This behavior is unacceptable, you knew my terms going into this position and I wont let it slide.”

           “Who told you?” You whispered after lowering your eyes and trying to compose yourself. Brian and John would never have spoken against you and caused you to lose your job, and Freddie certainly wouldn’t have. All three of the boys understood the terms and why it was so important that they never spoke on you and Roger, or even joked about it. So that only left one man, but how could he have figured it out? His ass was so far up Freddie’s that he didn’t even do his job as their manager, it was all on you.

           “You’ll no longer be working with Queen anymore.” Jim spoke softly, ignoring your question and that struck you in the chest with an angry punch. Paul hated you because you did everything he didn’t bother with anymore, and you did it better than he used to do. For the longest time you had sat through his glares, his poison laced words, knowing full and well that he was waiting for the right moment that you fucked up, just so he could jump on it and ruin your career. You no longer worried about how and when you and Roger got so reckless that Paul noticed, now you were angry.

           You looked up at Jim. You began shaking your head, “You must be able to see what Paul is doing to the band, to each of the boys. Jim, he’s toxic for Freddie and this band and he’s just made it easier to destroy them by getting you to fire me.”

           “Don’t do this, Y/N, don’t go out like this.” Jim begged you softly. “I don’t want to fire you, love, but I have too.”

           You clamped your lips shut. How could you and Roger have been so reckless? He barely even looked at you outside of your homes, he barely even spoke to you outside of the topics of the band. Never mind that, how could you and Roger been so stupid to do this in the first place?

           “I will work with you on finding you a replacement band, but,”

           “I don’t want a replacement, I want to work with Queen.” You said to him. “You know I have been so much better for them.”

           Jim’s jaw clenched as he repeated his words, ignoring your soft pleas. “I will work with you on finding you a replacement band, but as of this morning, you no longer work for Queen.”

           All you could ask yourself was is this really happening?

           You nodded and got up from your spot, wishing you could convince Jim that you weren’t the problem and it was Paul but you couldn’t, not without getting fired from the record label in a whole and you wanted to keep some sort of hand in this record label. You walked out from Jim’s office, holding in the tears until you got back to your home, where you let them fall freely.

           Five years ago you left your family to work for this record label. It caused a rift between you and your family and you loved the boys and their band so much that you let it happen, you gave into your feelings for Roger and risked everything for him. You lost your job with the band because of those feelings. Hurt rippled through you in suffocating waves, wondering what were your next steps. The thought of being with Roger was too much, it hurt too much because it was the reason for you being fired, nor could you be anywhere close to Paul anymore. Jim never officially told you it was Paul but you knew it had to have been.

           By the time Roger found out about what happened, having heard it from Brian, who got a call from Freddie, you had already packed up things of his that he left over at his house. He stormed into your home, red faced and angry, when he stopped dead in his tracks, nearly toppling over his own two feet, at the sight of the packed box.

           “Sweetheart,” he spoke slowly, catching you mid-emotional breakdown. The tears haven’t stopped since you got home, since your mind started telling you that being with Roger was a stupid mistake, somewhere along the line you lost the meaning of calm and rational thinking. “Sweetheart, what are you doing?”

           “How could we have been so stupid?” you asked him, shoving a couple of his sweatshirts and boxers into the box a little too violently. “I mean, did we really think we weren’t going to get caught?”

           “Love, slow down.” Roger stepped towards you.

           You whirled around to face him, “I lost my fucking job, Roger!”

           “Jim is just a little shocked, he’ll come around.” He attempted, raising his hands to touch your arms.

           “Come around?” You asked and huffed with a laugh. “Roger, I just lost everything! This job meant the world to me, I left my family for this band and now I have nothing!”

           “You have me.” he promised. “You have Brian and John, and Freddie.”

           You shook your head, tears slipping down your face. “I never had you in the first place,” You whispered. “We were fine living with our attraction towards each other, we should have left it.”

           “That’s all you think I have towards you?” He asked, his eyes narrowing into a glare. “A simple attraction?”

           “Yes, Roger, because,”

           “I fucking love you, Y/N!” He yelled, blowing up at you. “I’ve been in love with you since we met, and I finally got you.” He stepped towards you, “You were never a simple attraction because you’re all I think about. I will fix this, love.”

           Roger couldn’t fix it because Jim had already made up his mind. You closed your eyes and breathed deeply, “I can’t do this right now, Roger… I cant be with you, not after all this.”

           “Lovely,” he huffed bitterly. You looked at him to see him shaking his head, his eyes were cold as he stared at you. “You end things right before we could really be together. Just fucking lovely.”

           You watched as he picked up his box and walked right out of your door, leaving you standing there.

Taglist! @luvborhap @brianandthemays @asquiresofftime @reedusteinrambles @a19103 @jennyggggrrr 

[jamielea81]

A Walk in the Park

Chapter 2

Description: When your husband dies in an accident, you try to move on with your life. When the memories of your shared home become too much even after two years, you make a drastic change and move to California. A new career, a new way of life, and an attractive new friend help you move on to find the happiness you need. *This will be a slow burn*

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings for this chapter: A curse word or two, an annoying boss, fluff.

Unbeta’d, so all mistakes are my own. This is purely for fun. Comments and reblogs are always appreciated. Tagging those who wanted to see a second chapter. @flamencodiva @the--blackdahlia @angelus320 @deanwinchesterswitch @thefandomzoneisdangerous

Read Chapter 1 Here

“Y/N!” A shrill voice called from two rooms away. You groaned inwardly but sighed outwardly and plastered a tight smile on your face. You excused yourself from the kitchen staff and walked quickly to the ballroom passing staff carrying various sized flower arrangements, many of which would be sent back once Colleen saw them. Everything was always over ordered and then returned for one reason or another. Your flats pounded the ground with urgency. You learned by day two that heels would not do. While you rather be wearing sneakers or at least a pair of Keds, fancy flats were the most you could get away with. Your two pairs of black heels would be reserved for event nights where dresses and the occasional skirt and blouse were acceptable. If you were being honest, you truly were a barefoot or sandal girl. Feet curled up on the couch with a book in your hand, that was the life. That was your former life back in Minnesota when you worked Monday through Friday and were off work by 5. Now most nights you were busy and forget about weekends. 

“Yes, Colleen? How may I help you?” You asked with that same tight smile on your face. Colleen was your boss’s boss. Your actual boss, Victoria, who you adored was extremely busy so you rarely saw her. She was sweet and loved your ideas. Often encouraging you to come up with idea boards to help you with future events that she was confident you would be taking the lead on in no time. Colleen should really be behind a desk making sales and the rare appearance for approvals, but that’s not how she operates. She likes to take a hands-on role which is good in some aspects but, she’s too much.

“Ah, Y/N, there you are. I’ve been calling you for an hour.” It was not an hour. You just saw her 15 minutes ago. “I need to see the menus again for the Mayor’s Ball on Thursday”

“I was just meeting with the chef going over the changes you suggested.” Grabbing your phone out of your crossbody bag, you opened an e-mail, typed in Colleen’s address, and attached the updated menu, all before she had a moment to respond. “Just sent you the updated menu.” You looked up to see a questionable look on her face. She didn’t know what to say; you had beat her to the punch after only working for her for a little over two months.

“Ah, wonderful, Y/N. Now, where are those new flower arrangements I ordered?”

You gestured to the hall with your hand and followed her out. It was going to be a long two days before the event.

 It had been a week and a half since you met Chris. He hadn’t sent a text but neither had you since your response that first night. You had typed out maybe 20 responses, several included dog emojis. You settled on a smiling emoji. Ugh, why are you so awkward?

You continued with your nightly walks, often heading in different directions. Always keeping an eye peeled for an adorable dog on the loose. Victoria had suggested hiking in Runyon Canyon with her on Sundays, but you just frankly haven’t had the energy. Working 6 days a week most weeks and various hours of the day and night, walking in your neighborhood was all you could handle at the moment.

Finishing off your walk, you jogged to the back of the house seeing the Smiths enjoying a glass of wine on the patio. “You two look cozy.”

“How was your walk? James asked. Arm stretched around Connie’s shoulder as they sat on the patio loveseat.

“It was really nice. I’m loving this weather.” They both nodded. “I’m heading up. Have a goodnight.” Your head tilting up towards the staircase.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” Connie said.

Unlocking your door, you quickly changed into your pjs which consisted of an old pair of gray sweats and a white V-neck t-shirt. It was already after 8, more like closer to 9, as you worked later tonight running errands for Colleen. Tomorrow would be last minute prep for the next night’s Ball. You were exhausted. Falling asleep while on Facebook reading, about the adventures of friends and family back home. You’d finish commenting tomorrow when you weren’t dead to the world.

 It was 11 in the morning and you still haven’t had your coffee. The people here don’t seem to understand that you can’t do life without coffee. Cursing the Colleens and interns of the world for causing you to run around like there’s no tomorrow, you took a deep breath, plastered on a smile and ran to the fabric store once more. You’d hit up the Starbucks drive thru on the way back, yeah, that’s what you would do. Exchanging the Royal Blue fabric for the True Blue fabric because the color had more “umph” you were on your way back to your car. Your phone dinged, most likely Victoria or Colleen checking in. Most likely Colleen asking for lunch even though the interns are at her disposal. Dropping the bundles in the back seat and plopping yourself in the front seat of your sedan, you pulled your phone out of your purse. “Oh, it’s from Chris.” Clicking on the message you were both excited and nervous. Part of you didn’t think he would actually message you again.

“Hey, Y/N. Checking to see if you’re free Friday for game night. It’ll be low key, maybe 7 of us.” Friday, you could do Friday. You’d be off early with only the cleanup from the Ball and dropping off the items that are kept for the next event in the storage unit. You would be tired and maybe not the best of company, but you weren’t working Saturday.

“Hey Chris! Yeah, Friday works. Let me know what time and where. Say hi to Dodger for me.” Hi to Dodger? Really Y/N? At least you didn’t add a dog emoji. Waiting a few minutes with no response from Chris, you put your phone away and set your course for the nearest Starbucks.

 You were at the park again after walking a little more than a mile. Since you started the day at 6 in the morning, Victoria told you to go home at 5. Victoria said she would handle Colleen if she asked for you. This is why you love Victoria. The park wasn’t as empty today as it normally was. You sat on the grass listening to the chatter from other people in the distance who sat around the fountain. You had slipped off your shoes and enjoyed the feel of the green grass on your toes. Your phone dinged and saw that it was a message from Chris with an address and telling you to come around 7. You replied back with a picture of the fountain and told him that you’d see him Friday. He sent a reply asking if you’d be at the park much longer. You said you’d hang around for a bit and waited for his reply. After about 15 minutes, enough time to reply to those Facebook posts and pictures, you were being attacked with slobbery kisses from Dodger. Laughing and using your hands to shield your face you looked up to see Chris in front of you. Sans hat this time. God he is beautiful. Wearing a pair of beat up jeans and a gray graphic tee that fit in all the right places. Is everyone this pretty in LA? “Dodger, that’s enough. Come on boy.” He said while gently tugging the leash and flashing a smile.

“It’s OK. I had a dog when I was kid so I am totally used to it.”

Chris plopped himself on the ground next to you. Dodger doing the same. “No dog now?”

“No, I’m renting a studio.”

“Why a studio? The market’s slowed down, it would be a great time to buy.” He asked.

“Well, Mr. Evans, moving across the country and not really knowing what area of the city I wanted to reside in permanently, buying didn’t seem like the smart choice at the time.”

“So, you do know who I am.” Smirk resting on his face.

“Guilty.” You blushed. “Kind of got into the Marvel movies a few years back. That Robert Downey Jr. is pretty wonderful.”

Chris scoffed, placing a hand on his chest pretending to be mortally wounded with your words. “I see how it is.” He said with a wide smile.

You let of a small laugh and nodded. “I like this area though. Not sure I can afford it, but I am thinking about it. I’m going to wait a bit to decide. The ocean calls to me, but that would put a damper on my commute.”

“Beach houses are great. Kind of a pain to keep up, but I know the appeal. How does the ocean call to a Midwesterner?”

“Grew up around boats. Land of 10,000 lakes dontcha know.” You said adding in that fake Fargo accent that is often mistaken for Minnesotan.

“That’s right, that’s right. Well, will have to make a trip to the ocean some time. A buddy of mine has a good-sized boat. We usually go out in the summer once or twice.”

Um, am I making future plans with my new best friend already? Play it cool, play it cool Y/N. “Yeah, that would be fun, I might have to take you up on that.” You replied. “So, what kind of games are we playing Friday?”

“We usually start with the easy ones like Life or Sorry. After a few adult beverages we switch to card games like Presidents and Assholes.”

“No way! You know that game too? I used to play that in college.”

“We have ringer? I know who’s on my team.” He said pulling you into a side hug. You laughed and started to play with the blades of grass.

“Well, I’m looking forward to it then. I do have to warn you that I may be a little tired. We have a big event tomorrow night and I have been running raged all week.”

“Noted.” He replied making a mock check mark with his finger. He started to get up and you started to put your sneakers back on. “I’ll let you get back home since you have a busy day tomorrow.”

“Thanks for stopping out. It was great to see Dodger again.” You said with a wink.

“You wound me again! I’m starting to regret this game night invite.”

“Okay, okay, I take it back. Scouts honor.” You replied with a little bit of a salute. Chris gave another smile.

“Good luck tomorrow Y/N.”

“Thanks, Chris. Bye Dodger.” With that you headed out of the park towards home.

You just needed to get through tomorrow and then you could finally breath this weekend.

Chapter 3

[newmoneytrash]

Death Stranding

I had to write about Death Stranding to get this not very good game out of my head and soul

(this has spoilers I guess but honestly who cares)

I was going to wait to play Death Stranding, if I ever even played it at all. I had barely seen any trailers outside of the first couple. I remember seeing them and thinking “this isn’t going to be the crazy, weird experience everyone thinks it’s going to be”. I didn’t think that I knew better than anyone else, or that the people who were excited were stupid to feel that way. I just felt like I could see what it was and knew that, having played the majority of Kojima’s work, that this probably wasn’t going to be the experience that people thought it was going to be.

And I was comfortable with my disinterest, content to know that this thing existed, that I was fine with it existing away from me. But then a week before release when the review embargo lifted and people started posting their impressions and experiences and reviews my interest was piqued in a way that no trailer or announcement had interested me before. It wasn’t the glowing and fawning reviews that drew me to the game, the people who played and loved the game. It was, weirdly, the negative ones that changed me from not having any interest in playing Death Stranding to going to the store on the Friday morning it was released and standing in the rain waiting too long for an Uber so I could get home as fast as possible to start playing.

The reason the negative reviews drew me to the game so much is not because they were negative, it’s not that I was taking some joy in getting to play something that I thought was going to be bad and now I had an opportunity to be vindicated by seeing for myself that it is bad. It was the things that they were negative about that sounded so interesting. The idea that a group of people would spend so much time and effort and money in creating a large premier video game experience where the main crux seemed to be tedium is an inherently fascinating concept.

The kind of elevator pitch descriptor that interested me the most (that was used by people both derisively and positively) was that it was a post-apocalyptic truck simulator. Travelling a dead or dying world as a UPS driver. Mad Max meets King of Queens (that’s a comparison that I made and I’m too proud of it not to use it). What if a development team who made one of the great action games on the last decade (Metal Gear Solid V might be a terribly lacking narrative experience with some frustrating mission design, but the core gameplay is extremely good) and funnelled all of that energy into something intentionally boring and monotonous?

Not only did that help reset my expectations of what this would be, it made me feel excitement for something that I had previously thought I wouldn’t be able to feel excitement or anticipation for.

I spent 40 hours with it over the course of a week. That might not sound like a lot of time in video game speak, but I don’t remember the last time I spent that much time with a game over such a short period of time. Over the first weekend I had it I played for just over 20 hours. Twenty hours. I don’t know if I’ve ever been that focused on a game in my life. But still when I reflect on my time with it, and especially when I try to recall those initial 20 hours which were far and away the most fun I had with the game, I feel nothing. It’s like static, like someone has gone back and just erased that time from my memory.

That’s maybe not entirely fair. I remember general things, just not specific gameplay moments.

I remember the gameplay loop. It’s less a truck simulator game and more of a hiking game, at least initially. And this was appealing to me. You’re slowly traversing across these barren, empty environments delivering packages to and from outposts and shelters. You’re packing a huge amount of garbage on your back and climbing up mountains and down cliffs and wading through rivers. You’re given ropes and ladders to try and ease your journey, and later you’re able to build greater structures like bridges and towers to help you more easily navigate the environment and scout your path ahead. Eventually you’re given access to motorbikes and trucks that can both help and hinder your deliveries, depending on the paths you take and forge. You even get a chance to help rebuild an actual honest to goodness highway, creating it piece by piece by providing an increasing amount of materials to each section. Maybe the greatest accomplishment I felt playing this game was spending a few hours creating large sections of the highway and then getting to just fly down it on a motorbike. It really did feel like I hate created something big, that I not only radically changed the world by creating this, but that I had bettered it.

And there’s there community aspect of the game. Having others donate materials to your structures as well as seeing structures others have built and abandoned vehicles and packages in your world is all really neat and interesting. Everything positive I have to say about this game is wrapped up in these systems, because there is a lot of the game that feels like you’re on a genuine journey. Taking a package over the peak of a snow capped mountain for the first time can feel like a legitimate achievement, it was rewarding just walking from one place to the next. Seeing a bridge helpfully placed in a frustrating location made me feel real gratitude toward that person, and receiving feedback that other people were using and liking things that I had built made me feel good, as if I was paying forward the help that I had received.

For a long time I didn’t even think there would be combat in the game but it gradually increases as you go along and, while it’s never good, it’s still serviceable and easy enough to never really get in the way. The shooting and melee combat feels off, and I might have had a better time if it wasn’t there at all, but a few boss encounters and combat vignettes were interesting and would occasionally help when the monotony of just delivering packages started to grow.

But after 20 hours of this nothing really stood out to me, there’s no one gameplay moment that will stay with me. I won’t reflect on this game and think “wow, remember that one journey I took by following the coastline?” It’s all just a long, sustained blur.

And it’s not that I don’t remember the story or the characters either. Those are all easy to recall. The story is especially easy to recall because, over 40 hours, it’s just basically telling you one thing over and over and over. It’s hard not to recall it, because there is only one thing to recall.

The thing that I was worried about before the game came out was that the story was just going to be a huge mess. Kojima’s games are always functionally good to great, that’s never really been an issue I’ve had with his work, it’s always been the stories he tries to tell and how he tries to tell them. From the first Metal Gear Solid through to The Phantom Pain there are always misgivings I’ve had with character representation, general themes, and just the delivery of that narrative. I know this isn’t a unique position to have regarding his work (sexism and his consistently awful portrayal of women is a pretty famous issue he has, even among his biggest fans), but beyond that I just never felt that anything he was doing was particularly special. They were different and almost always interesting, but a lot of people would like to tell you that Kojima was doing masterful video game storytelling that no one else was capable, that he was single-handedly raising the medium of video games to something as artistically valid and viable as cinema or art. But, to me, he was never doing that. He was making fun and compelling video games, but they were inconsistent and messy and overly verbose and self-righteous.

So my concern was that, now that he was the head of an independent studio that for all intents and purposes answered to no one, he would let that his storytelling get further away from him. In an attempt to prove his level of creativity, maybe to even prove his worth, he was going to put all of his ideas on the table and the result was going to be an indecipherable mess.  When they would release a trailer of a naked Norman Reedus on a beach holding a baby attached to him with an artificial umbilical cord, or Guillermo Del Toro standing in a sewer holding a baby in a jar while Mads Mikkelsen is covered in black tar leading a bunch of skeleton soldiers a lot of people responding with a variant of “wow Kojima is going to make something crazy, this is going to blow my mind”. But all I saw was a giant red flag.

So when I finally experienced the story of Death Stranding I was kind of taken aback. Not by how crazy or nonsensical it is, but by kind of how… boring and one note it is? There isn’t really any room for interpretation in this story. It’s all very, very literal. It tells you how and why things are happening, and if you missed the exposition the first time don’t worry! Here is another twenty minute info dump reiterating the same boring, one note narrative over and over.

The game just tricks you into thinking it’s being more creative than it is because it’s filled with endless jargon. There is timefall, void outs, BTs, BBs, Beaches, repatriates, chiral energy, and extinction entities. Ha and ka. But it’s all in service of creating a world and a narrative that ultimately says nothing, and spends dozens of hours painfully and slowly telling you nothing. It’s borderline torturous.

There is also some high school art level social commentary on social media. Likes are a huge commodity in this world, with people becoming addicted to the feeling you get when they receive one. And instead of having a smart phone or whatever you have Cuff Links, which is a literal pair of handcuffs that, when strapped to your wrist, functions as a way to communicate with people through the Codec or email. Because our phones are a prison, right guys? Pretty deep. In Kojima’s world we truly do live in a society.

But it’s not just the small stuff like that that’s so literal, every part of the game is literal. You’re Sam Porter Bridges, a porter who has a contract with the organisations Bridges, created by someone named Bridget, to create bridges with people across America (both figuratively and literally) to create a network across the continent that will bridge everyone together. Every metaphor and theme in the game is so painfully literal that the game never gives you the opportunity to interpret anything else. The only time there are moments in the game when you don’t know what is happening is when characters start talking about things that you could have no way of knowing about as if you did know about them, but even then these moments of mystery are immediately undone because they always immediately explain the thing that you missed. You will have a cryptic conversation with someone about something you have had no opportunity to deduce or discover on your own, but it never matters because it’s followed up a few minutes later with a flashback or exposition that lays everything out on the table.

Instead of Kojima creating something nonsensical and imaginative and impossible to follow, he managed to make the world’s most shallow metaphor about really nothing in particular. When he said that the game was inspired by Donald Trump and Brexit he meant that it was inspired by the division that these things caused between people and how we need to create Bridges to reconnect with people.

That’s it, that’s the game. That is its message. And it’s not interestingly presented, there’s nothing more to it than that.

One of the podcast conversations I listened to before released (that was largely critical of the game) that drew me toward playing it ended with one of the people saying “It is a game that I think everyone should experience, but not one that I could ever recommend” which is a perfect way of articulating how I feel. It’s a unique experience that does things that a game of its size has never really done before. I don’t think there’s merit in being different for differences’ sake, but this isn’t that. The gameplay is considered and deliberate and purposeful, but that doesn’t mean that it’s fun and it doesn’t negate the parts that are tedious and tiring. Just because you make something boring and annoying on purpose that doesn’t make it good.

If you had asked me six months ago if I think I would like Death Stranding I would have said no. I probably would have qualified it by saying I hope that I was wrong, that I would like it to be good, but that I was probably more likely to hate it.

I didn’t love it, and I don’t like it. I don’t even hate it, but in a weird way I wish that I could. Because then at least I would feel something toward it. Instead Death Stranding leaves me feeling something much, much worse.

It makes me feel nothing.

[keikigoodbetter]

The long-prophesied Life Update Post™

Well folks, I know I’ve been pretty absent for a longass time, so here are some various things that have happened/are happening in my life right now:

Sent my little brother off to college at RPI. So proud of him!! He’s also in the Army ROTC program (which is how he can afford to be there lol) and seems to be very successful and happy. It’s very strange being at home without him

As is tradition, we hiked a 14er for his birthday before he moved out. This year we did Mount Princeton, which was definitely not my favorite peak we’ve hiked

We left a few days before P had to be on campus and took a family trip to Quebec City before dropping him off at school. It was the most incredible experience, and I absolutely adored the city. If I spoke French I’d move there in a heartbeat. We only spent a few days but we saw so many beautiful things and met nice people had lovely weather to explore the city in. Maybe I’ll make another post to tell you more about what we did and saw; it was amazing!

Took the semester off from classes and have been working 3-4 days a week. This summer was kinda crazy and really kicked my butt. Things are starting to slow down a little bit with the autumn weather but we had some management changes so it’s still more demanding that I was expecting it to be by October. That’s ok, I like the environment and my coworkers and pull in decent money, so I can’t complain too much

I’ve gotten to see lots of friends in the last few months, which is very nice. I’m putting in the effort to not end up so viciously lonely the way I did last autumn. Still on my own a lot, but it’s been good to see people periodically

Our garden grew wonderfully this year, and we got to harvest so much! Beans and peas, especially, and we had successful peppers for the first time ever haha!

Heard about Ben leaving As It Is and got v sad. Gonna miss that dude :(

For whatever the hell reason, Alice in Wonderland was a recurring motif in my life throughout August and the start of September. Like, to a bizarre extent. It showed up everywhere. So I decided to lean in and am gonna be the Mad Hatter for Halloween, I think

FINALLY got around to reading A Court of Thorns and Roses (which @hontohaunter recommended to me months ago oops) and loved it! Can’t wait to get into the series further

My hair, which was stick-straight my whole life, is starting to get very curly. It’s freaking me out

Went with @e-nticinglies to a show at Tracks over the weekend, where the dj pair was called Fleetmac Wood and only played dance remixes of Fleetwood Mac songs. The theme was “gold dust disco” so everyone was all done up sparkly and it was amazing. Had such a fun time!

And now my two most important pieces of news:

I got tickets to the Hella Mega Tour next summer!!!!!!!! Paid far FAR too much for the seats I got, but that’s ok because FOB/Green Day/Weezer/The Interrupters?!! Together??!!! Legit cried when I got my hands on tickets I’m already so excited to go. And...

I’M GOING TO ACL MUSIC FESTIVAL NEXT WEEKEND AND THE CURE IS PLAYING!! I’m literally losing my mind! I’ve never even been to Texas before, and gonna spend several days in Austin with one of my best friends. It’s gonna be so fun! :D AND I’M GONNA SEE THE CURE LIVE I JUST DKSLADSFKLJJ

So that’s that on that. My life has been kinda busy but not too busy. I promise I’ll be on here much more now that work is settling. Missed y’all and I love each one of you so much <3 Happy Spooky Season, babes!

[layesica]

2019: It was a year that ends tonight.

2018 was rough, right? Well, so was 2019!

I did not feel like writing this, but it’s a tradition now, so for the fifth year in a row, here’s what I did all year with some of the crappy crap that made it not the greatest. I can’t promise an unwavering sense of optimism, but it’s okay. I’m okay. Here we go!

JANUARY Went to The Not Inappropriate Show at UCB curated by the Odenkirks, then Spent New Years Eve at Dynasty Typewriter with Ian & Emily. It was fun, but... eh. Home is better, y’all. Home is always better. Did a couple performances of a show at Second City – A Fonzie Scheme. It was fun. I was in an improv class at The Pack. I think it was Improv 4. The last weekend of January, Very Famous went to Sketchfest, which was super amazing. That’s, like, a goal. And even though it had pretty much nothing to do with anything I did, it was cool. And it was fun. And I was at a party with Neil Patrick Harris and I was SUPER cool about it.

Went to stuff: LA Times screening of Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse. It was free, and I would have never seen it otherwise. I enjoyed it. It was good.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Toasted Coconut Milk & Cookies (V)

FEBRUARY Made a return trip with Ian & Emily to San Francisco. Well, Oakland with an SF jaunt. I don’t have any cool stories, but Emily fought a seagull for her cookie and won, and that was pretty badass. On the drive back, there was a ton of snow just on the other side of the Angeles National Forest. I wasn’t excited enough to get out of the car, but snow is nice to look at. Oh, I had lunch with one of the head writers on my dream show that my old roommate met at the gym. I am terrible at networking.

Went to stuff: LA Times screening of VICE. It was free, and I would have seen it... eventually. It was... a bit... self-indulgent.

Salt & Straw Flavor: “The Chocolatier Series” = Jeni’s Coffee & Sweet Cream

MARCH Auditioned for a house improv team at The Pack. I didn’t mention working with a practice group all of February & March to prep for that. The biggest bummer about not getting on a team may have been the loss of that practice group. It was fun while it lasted.

Went to stuff: Saw comedy dads, Bob & David, at Largo. They asked for volunteers, and I almost passed just thinking about it. Ian & Emily jumped up there. Good for them!

Salt & Straw Flavor: Smoked Sea Salt & Chocolate Crack

APRIL Interviewed for a new job at one of the guilds. HEY! I owe the government $3700. That’s fun! I went ahead and added a good purse to my new 0 APR card.

Went to stuff: Dana Gould Podcast at Dynasty Typewriter. Panel with Conan Writers at Lyric Hyperion. For some reason, I saw Avengers: Endgame. I dunno. I feel like I should see it through for some reason. Deadline did their day-long FYC event, The Contenders, at Paramount, so I spent all day seeing so many people from TV and eating so much yummy food in between. Amazon FYC at Hollywood Athletic Club – went mostly for the building. Prime seat at Conan taping.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Wildflower Honey with Ricotta Walnut Lace Cookies – I wait all year for this to roll around again!

MAY We were supposed to have a call for a travel show on Buzzfeed, but they ghosted us. I went camping with a huge group at Idyllwild, which would have been fun, but it was FREEZING and I got SUPER sick on the second day. After a few days, I got better and got the guild job. Free insurance, baby! (More on that later.) Bought a Universal pass.

Went to stuff: A UCB show with people from Chicago. Free Booksmart screening with Q&A. Such a good movie! LA Times panel for Broad City. I never really watched it, but I would love to have a partnership like that! Netflix FYSee for Nanette. Guys, people are like vultures for the passed trays. Adam Sandler at Dynasty Typewriter. Attended the actual red carpet, fancy-pants premiere of Amazon’s Late Night. It was enjoyable and not at all realistic, and I could not stop staring at John Early in the theater. He glows!

Salt & Straw Flavor: Pear & Blue Cheese

JUNE Went to stuff: FYSee for Dead To Me. I had not seen it yet, but then I watched it and it’s good. JV show at UCB with Paul F Tompkins. Did a lap at the AT&T Shape event that is always free. I only go to be on the WB lot where I would like to be more often. Like, 40+ hours a week more often. That’s it. I just went to stuff.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Campfire S’mores (with Brian)

JULY SO. MANY. EARTHQUAKES. After the third one, it stopped being cute. Went for a drive to the Angeles Forest and hiked to a waterfall. Did a sketch with Very Famous at Packcon. It was a small group, so I got a part! Huzzah!

Went to stuff: Saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood at the Cinerama dome. (First visit!) Not a great idea because I kept trying to pick out the scenery and got a bit of motion sickness. Shirtless Brad Pitt on a roof in the ‘70s is nice.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Goat Cheese Marionberry Habanero (2x)

AUGUST Went on a random overnight to San Jose. Time to get panicky about Pack Sketch Teams! I did what I should have done last year and requested to be moved. I loved the people on my team, but I wasn’t getting a return on investment for myself. And that’s no fun. Did a show called Gibberish with Duckboi as Sharon Osborne and wore a great wig. Sketch is fun. Fell off my bike & got bruised legs.

Went to stuff: Mike O’Brien & Friends at Lyric Hyperion. Saw some Pack shows to be a supportive. Put up a sketch at GSY.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Green Fennel & Maple

SEPTEMBER Started working tech at UCB. It’s pretty easy. I get to see new faces... and old faces, too. I have no more comedy theaters to work at. Well, unless someone is going to pay me real money. My vision has been getting blurrier, so I went to the eye doctor to get new glasses. Ended up getting referred to a specialist for a “freckle” in my eyeball, but had to wait a month to go. Submitted a character video for Pack Sketch performer auditions. Got a callback! That’s one step further than last years attempt, and I actually came up with characters and I was pretty proud of it. Came up with more characters, then faced the fear of being on a stage all by myself while trying to be funny. I felt good about it. It used to take a day to find out, but not this time...

Link to Character Audition Video

Went to stuff: Got an AMAZING ticket (location & price) to see Skintight at the Geffen with friggin’ Idina Menzel. She is a queen! It’s a cute theater I should go to more stuff at. Saw Scott Thompson as Buddy Cole at the Lyric Hyperion. So good! I think I’ve seen the evolving show every year I’ve lived here. My face hurts for several days after. Lyndsey got a fancy job and invited me to the Dreamworks Friends & Family screening of Abominable. Would not have seen it. It was cute. Thanks, Lyndsey!

Salt & Straw Flavor: Forgettable

OCTOBER Flew to Denver for my cousin’s wedding. I almost typed, “weeding.” That’s Colorado for you. It was my first time to see my family all year. The time just got away from me. I got a late flight out and spent the day walking around Denver on my own. Went to a good bookstore. Ate some Giordano’s. Left my luggage in a van. Found out I got cut from Very Famous – also, Very Famous got cut from sketch night – and I didn’t make a new team. Started watching new season of Mr. Robot and felt so lost, so started it from the beginning. The new Almodóvar came out, so I bought one of those expensive Arclight tickets. It was very, very good. Maybe my favorite Almodóvar film. Worth it! Saw the specialist about my eye. They dilated it, took a bunch of pictures, did a closed-eye ultrasound (Yeah, they use jelly for that!), and refereed me to another specialist. Hunter picked me up, and I ate at Canter’s for the first time. The specialist’s office made the appointment for me at an oncologist. Guys, I just wanted new glasses and now can’t stop Googling some pretty scary stuff! Lyndsey took me to USC & hung out with me for a while. They dilated my eye, took a bunch of pictures of it with a bunch of different machines, performed an OPEN EYE ultrasound, saw two trainees and then the doctor. She said she is not diagnosing me with melanoma. BUT it has the orange color and a sliver of the fluid that are “concerning.” The pictures of the tumor weren’t as large at the ophthalmologist’s pictures made it look. So... bright side, I guess. I go back in January to check for changes. Margot scooped me up and brought me home. Baby’s first root canal! 

For our very last Very Famous show, everyone got to put up a sketch they wrote. My favorite had too much production, so I did a black out. It turned out great, and I felt loved. It was a very nice way to go out.

Went to stuff: Two weeks after the Arclight screening, the LA Times invited me to see Pain & Glory with a Q&A, so I finally got to be in a room with my favorite director. I may have cried... slightly more than I did just seeing the film.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Black Cat Licorice & Lavender (2 cones, 1 pint)

NOVEMBER It was time for Penelope’s annual visit to the vet, so I rented a car for the weekend and took her. She had lost quite a bit of weight. I sprung for all the tests, and she has kidney disease. Her numbers aren’t terrible, but there’s not really treatment for it. We switched to a new kind of prescription food. All I can do is be good to her and try to keep her hydrated & happy. So... yeah... September – November have been... uh... not so great. On the bright side, I got invited to be in the Night Cap with Stacy Rumaker show as a character! I love this show so much - and when you read a thing in December, this show is the exception to that. I was so nervous, but I pulled it together and think it went very well. It felt good! Also, I am so emotionally invested in Mr. Robot! Mom & Dad came to visit for Thanksgiving and that was a nice relief. It rained most of the time, but we got out at about a bit.

Went to stuff: Vulture Fest screening of MacGruber with Will Forte & John Solomon.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Spiced Goat Cheese & Pumpkin Pie (with Mom & Dad)

DECEMBER Fell off my bike, bruised my legs, and scraped a chunk of skin off my hand. Finally: I left my mark on this town! I was not in the mood to plan a birthday thing, but rented a car to take Penelope for her health certificate she might need to fly home with me, then went on a showtune-belting drive on my birthday. Not the best drive ever, but it was nice to just drive aimlessly. Margot went with me to dinner at an Italian place in Los Feliz. In other news, Penelope gained some weight. Then I flew home for Christmas. I’ve just been sitting around with Mom & Dad, and it has been great. I had lunch with Justin & traditional margaritas & Tex-Mex with Lindsey. I finally did an entire month of morning pages after 4 years, so I may be done with that. Oh, and I (temporarily) quit comedy.

Went to stuff: Saw CATS (can’t hate on a bad movie with bad source material) & Little Women (I cried so much!)

Salt & Straw Flavor: Apple Brandy & Pecan Pie (with Brian), but I’m in Texas now, so I’m ending the year with some Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla. Do better, Tyler!

So, that’s it. I was not looking forward to this, but it did make me feel a little better since the crap at the end has just felt like it has beaten me down. I’m not a quitter, but a breaker is maybe a good idea for a bit. I don’t have any resolutions for 2020.

If you’re still here, THANK YOU for reading my yearly download. I hope that you are doing well.

You’re great!

I love you!

Have a great 2020!

[kara-dolan]

Coachella -Day 1 ~Part 1~

A/N ~ hola it be a while since i have posted but whats up hahaha i am so so sorry ive had writers block and ms. vivi aka @notanotherdolantwinsblog was moving during the time she agreed to help with this so once both of our lives calm tf down things will return to normal scheduling.

Word Count~ 4,309

Warnings ~ Soft feels, Fluff, Fun, Flirting?, Possible use of cannabis aka weed 

Summary~ Fun and music festivals with your best friend? What could possibly happen? Oh right running into anyone and everyone you adore looking absolutely devin with sweaty bodies touching and bass booming under your feet. But what adventures are to come when Y/N and Viviana come face to face with Coachella ?

“Viviana I can’t believe you actually got tickets for Coachella. I can’t believe the house you got for Coachella weekend. I can’t believe that we are here!” I say excitedly gripping her arm.

“Bitch, I can’t believe that we might run into the Dolan Twins!” she says to me smiling.

“Okay yes that is a huge plus but, Day 1 will be the most exciting especially since it’s the first time we’ll be going!” I say releasing her walking up to the house.

She shook her head at me and opened the door revealing the Greek interior architecture. I walk in setting my hand bag on the ground taking everything in.

“Holy shi- is this real life right now?” I questioned looking up and spinning around to view everything.

“If you think this is amazing just wait till you see the backyard and bedrooms, not to mention the bathrooms.” Viviana says.

I looked at her and smiled then found my way to the stairs that spiraled up to the bedroom I was staying in. It was completely white with a sliding door that led out to the balcony that overlooked the backyard. Below me I saw the pool that had a huge baby blue clam bed next to the pool with a pearl shaped pillow that was silver and sparkled in the sun.

“V, I am never leaving.” I say looking away from the pool and up at the view of trees and mountains that were decorated by the sun’s beautiful rays and wind causing them to sway.

“Okay, sure, you say that every time you visit a new place. Watch once we get to Coachella you’ll never want to leave there either. Speaking of which, we have to get unpacked and set up for tomorrow after that we can get pizza and just chill.” Viviana says walking out onto the balcony.

“Ha. Yeah, I fall in love with places too easily. But, have you seen the view and the trees? It’s so beautiful. We should camp outside tonight and just watch the stars.” I say leaning against the railing watching the beautiful scenery.

“You’re fucking crazy. There’s bugs and animals. No way in hell am I sleeping out here, especially the day before Coachella starts. I am not getting dirt in my pores and you shouldn’t either,” she says stepping away to go back inside.

I sigh and look down pushing myself off the railing and going inside to unpack.

It took about an hour to get everything unpacked an organized, I had brought makeup and wigs, so I didn’t have to dye my Y/H/C hair and damage it. I also brought any and all facial cleansers because we were going to be in the desert for 3 days. I had hung all 3 outfits up in the closet and folded extra clothes I brought because no way in hell was I not going to shower and be forced to wear glitter covered outfits for the week that we were going to be staying at the house. Y/F/N and I had gotten walkie talkies set up on a private channel to find each other if we got lost and 3 cases of water so we could take 5 bottles of water with us for each day. After everything was unpacked and organized I made my way down the spiraling stairs and through the living room and into the kitchen where V was sitting at the island scrolling through her phone.

“Hey, you order the pizza yet?” I asked going to the fridge to get a water.

“No, I was waiting on you. I did see some updates on Twitter though, involving the twins and well, the drama is crazy.” she yawned out.

“When is it not though? Like honestly people need to leave them alone. But let’s not get into it. I’ll order a pepperoni and Hawaiian pizza and set up a movie.” I say after taking a drink of water.

“Sounds good. I’m getting blankets and pillows to fort up the living area.” She yelled to me running upstairs.

I smile and pull my phone out of my pocket and order the pizzas.

After the pizza arrived, we watched a random movie as we ate in the fort. Halfway through the movie and one pizza gone we fell asleep surrounded by pillows and blankets. The next thing I knew my phone was going off at 6 am which resulted in Viviana hitting me in the face with a pillow followed by groaning which signaled me to turn it off. I grabbed my phone and stopped the alarm. I made my way to my room and changed into some shorts and a loose tank and pulled on running shoes. I quietly made my way out of the house and into the woods near the park for a morning run.

I found myself at an overlook. The view was impeccable with the sun rising and colors blending together, putting me in a trance. The trance was broken when I notice movement below, a tall broad figure jogging through the hiking trail. The figure belonged to a man, as the sun rose more his golden shoulders glistened with sweat, his hair flopping with each step. It was like the trance from the sunrise was transferred to him. I couldn’t stop watching him until he disappeared deeper into the trail.

“What the hell was that?” I asked myself. I shook it off and ran back towards the house. By time I got back it was 7 am and I was drenched in sweat. I took a shower once I got back. After my shower, I put on my first Coachella outfit. I was wearing a white tank top with strings that tied in front of my chest with high waisted black shorts and a hunter green jacket. I put on black ankle boots and accessorized with a necklace that reached my waist.

Once I was dressed I applied my makeup, natural smokey eye and maroon lips. I put on my pink Ombre white high pony wig and grecian leaf new forehead crown. I went to the kitchen and saw Viviana wearing a black crop top with maroon jean shorts and black knee-high boots that had fishnets underneath. Her hair was loosely curled draping around her shoulders, she had dark smokey eye and a light pink lip.

“Okay, V. I see you.” I squeal out and she looks at me and laughs.

“Stop… we have to get going soon if we want to make it on time.”

“Okay. Okay. I am so ready to see Kyle perform today. Oh my gosh and The Neighborhood, St. Vincent, SZA, and The Weeknd. Just today is going to be crazy.” I say while packing up our bags for Day 1.

“For sure, not to mention how many social media stars and celebrities we will be seeing there.” V says taking her bag. I nod.

“We should get breakfast on the way there. I mean it is only 9 am. Coachella gates don’t open till 11.”

“You just want to go to an acai bowl place to see if you can run into Grayson” She teased.

I rolled my eyes and smiled.

“Maybe it’s a little true but if we run into Grayson we also run into Ethan…” I wink and nudge her.  She laughs and grabs her car keys.

“Fine, you win. Using my love for Ethan against me. That isn’t fair.”

I scrunch my nose at her and smile. After our playful teasing ended we headed out and went to the closest acai place. Once we arrived we saw girls squealing and crying. I looked over at Viviana and raised my eyebrow while smiling.

“No. We are getting the acai bowls and going.” She scolded me.

“Ugh, fine. I won’t go and ask them if they are acting like that ‘cause of the twins. Mainly ‘cause I already know they were here… thank you, Instagram… but fine let’s get the bowls and go.” I replied rolling my eyes.

“You’re entirely something else. In a good way.” She reassured me.

“Thanks, I guess.” I say while laughing.

We were waiting in line to get the acai bowls when I realized everyone was staring at us.

“Well this isn’t awkward or anything.” I mumbled out.

“What?” she questioned.

“We are the only ones dressed like this here. Seriously, everyone is wearing normal clothes. We need to hurry up and get the hell out of here.” I say looking around getting uncomfortable.

“Why? We look hot. Stop trying to cover up. Let them stare it shows them what they can’t have.” She says making me loosen my grip on my jacket and letting it slip down my arms. “Okay. I got this. We got this.” I say smiling and nodding.

We got our acai bowls and left. We were about 5 mins away from Coachella grounds and we had finished our acai bowls. Now we were just blasting music and getting hype as we got closer to the festival. We pulled into the most available parking spot. Once V put the car in park I got out throwing my bag over my shoulder and adjusting my VIP wristbands.

“I can’t believe were actually here...” I say shutting the car door.

“Neither can I. Now let’s go before we miss any performances!” She shouts while pulling my arms and entire body towards the entrance.

“Okay! Okay! I can walk on my own!” I laugh out.

“I know just hurry the hell up!” she shrieked out and took off running. I shook my head and ran after her, I finally caught up at the entrance because we had to scan our wristbands.

We were finally inside, I grabbed at V tapping her like crazy.

“Look, Look, We’re here. Oh my gosh we’re here” I screamed out.

We ran to the Sahara stage until it was time to head to the main stage. When we reached the main stage Los Angeles Azules were performing and we saw Bryant recording some of the performance on his phone. I look over at V who was already looking at me. We walked closer to Bryant but not close enough for him to notice, we stood there enjoying the performance.

“We literally just saw the Yodeling Walmart Boy perform with Whethan and now we see Bryant right here. What is happening?” I whisper to Viviana. She laughed.

“Life. Life is happening and giving us this amazing opportunity.” She whispered back. “Opportunities?” I question at the last minute when she bumped into me causing me to stumble back only to be caught by someone.

“Oh my gosh I am so sorry. My fri-” I stopped once I saw who caught me.

“It’s fine.” He said chuckling. I stood up.

“Sorry, again. Thank you for catching me though.”

I turn my neck to glare at V who was smirking.

“No problem. Not everyday I get to catch a beautiful girl from falling.” He flirted which made me look back to him.

“I think I did fall though… Umm… sorry. Bad attempt and now I am making a bigger fool of myself. Bye.” I say nervously while laughing a bit while turning to walk away.

He grabbed my right hand with his left spinning me around.

“You aren’t making a fool of yourself. I’m Grayson.” He smiled down at me.

“I know, but I’m Y/N and the person behind me is my best friend Viviana.” I say looking up at him through my lashes.

He smiled down at me and I looked away and as soon as I did Bryant came over

“Hey Gray we should go find E and get more photos.”

“For sure. Y/N want to come?” he asked me. I looked at him bewildered.

“You mean like go with you and Bryant to find Ethan?” I questioned. He smiled and nodded “That’s the general idea. You can even bring um... V- Vivi-”

“Viviana.” She interrupted him. “We would love to go with you. Right Y/N?” she nudged me “Oh yeah. Totally, for sure.” I mumbled out.

“Great. Yo, Bry, Y/N and Viviana are going to come with.” He shouted towards Bryant.

Bryant smiled and nodded, we all began walking away from the main stage to find Ethan. We found him by the food trucks drooling over the acai bowls.

“Ethan!” Grayson called out to him pulling his attention from the trucks. He ran over to join us “Yo Gray. Who’s this?” he asked.

“I’m Y/N. Just met Grayson when my friend Viviana “accidently” bumped into me and Grayson caught me” I said smiling a bit while air quoting.

“Oh cool. I’m Ethan.”

“This is Viviana or V. By the way.” I say pulling Viviana’s’ arm.

“Oh. Hi” she waved shyly. I heard everyone near the main stage start chanting Really, Really, Really, Yeah,

“V, we got to go. Kyle is performing now!” I grab at her arm. “Sorry guys. Just been waiting all day to see him.” I yell over my shoulder as we run to the main stage.

We reached the main stage finally.

“Y/N are you stupid you just left Ethan and Grayson. We aren’t going to ever see them again.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that. Grayson loves SuperDuperKyle.” Ethan whispered between us which made me jump.

“E you can’t just scare them like that.” Grayson said coming from behind me smiling.  I laughed and rolled my eyes.

“Glad you guys could join us” I smiled at him and started jumping and chanting with the rest of the crowd.

“Don’t Wanna Fall in Love” played and I looked at Gray and smiled.

“Yo, you gonna show us some moves, possibly the same ones from the warehouse?” I asked him.

“I remember that I gave him so much shit about it.” Ethan said laughing. I rolled my eyes.

“You did great. Just ignore him.” I looked at him placing my hand on his shoulder.

He grabbed my hand and spun me around in front of him, he gripped my waist and rested his chin on top of my head. We swayed to the rest of the set until iSpy came on and we had to move to avoid a mosh pit. We gave up on finding a new spot, so Grayson offered to go get ice cream for us, I decided to wait with Ethan and Viviana. I was listening to V and E talk about which bands they were excited to see, I left them alone to talk and headed over to the food trucks to see if Grayson needed help. When I saw him, he was talking to a girl.

“Hey, I know you from YouTube. I love your videos and they’re super inspiring.” She said to him awkwardly laughing a little.

“Really? Thank you so much that means a lot.” He replied to her smiling, “Want anything?” He asked her pointing to the menu.

“Oh my god no. Of course not. Thank you” She said sweetly.

“Oh okay.” He said, and she gave him a hug which he returned.

“See you around” he said.  

“Yeah see ya” she called out as she walked off.

I walked over to him and smiled at him.

“Hey, why are you looking at me like that?” He asked.

“Okay, it’s kind of weird…but, I like seeing how you interact with fans.” I explained.

“It’s an amazing experience I appreciate you guys. If I can make you guys happy even just taking a picture or talking to you it is completely worth it.” He says while paying for the ice cream. “Grayson, you literally just looking at us is enough to make us happy” I giggled out. He laughed and handed me the ice cream he got for me

“It’s kind of shocking to hear that. Not entirely used to this still.” I smiled at him.

“I mean majority of your fan base is female which you should know from tour. You’re attractive and athletic and you have a great personality at least from what I can tell from your videos and well now that I’ve met you and hung out with you. I honestly can’t believe that I am here… That I even got to meet you…” I say staring up at him losing my words.

“Yeah… I don’t meet a lot of people who are quite like you though.” He finished looking down at me. I laughed breaking the gaze.

“I bet. Not a lot of girls would walk away from you to go and enjoy a music performance like 4 minutes after meeting you” he grabbed my hand as we walked back over to Ethan and Viviana. “You’re not going to do that, again right?” He asked.

“Hmmmm… I don’t know. If I do what are you going to do about it?” I ask cocking my eyebrow while smiling.

“Guess I have to stay close then.” He let go of my hand and draped his arm carefully around my neck pulling me closer towards him and I wrapped my arm around his waist.

“Yo, Gray. Where we headed now?” Ethan asked him taking note on how close me and Grayson were.

“I don’t know. Where to now, Y/N?” he inquired.

“I kind of want and need to see The Neighborhood.” I say looking up to Grayson licking the ice cream from the cone.

“Alright, The Neighborhood it is. Let’s go.”

We walked back over to the mainstage where Kyle was performing, and The Neighborhood was now setting up.  Bryant met back up with us from taking photos of other YouTubers that were here.

One of the first songs they played was Scary Love which I adored and sang along with every word. Grayson just watched me the entire time and spun me around a couple times. Ethan and Viviana were exchanging numbers which made me think about giving Grayson mine. He noticed my dancing falter and pulled me into him. I stumbled into his chest in which he took the opportunity to hug my waist as I collected myself.

“You okay?” He asked me. I nodded.

“Yeah, why do you ask?” I retorted reaching my arms around his neck. He chuckled.

“No reason…”

I pulled away from him when I heard Daddy Issues come on.

“Hey, Grayson can I borrow y/n for a minute?” V asked pulling my hand. He nodded, and I stumbled trying to keep up with her as she dragged me away

“What is going on?” I questioned her.

“Okay so Ethan and I were talking, and I somehow talked him into coming back to the house later tonight, but he wants to bring Grayson too. I was wondering if you could keep Grayson busy while I try to get closer to Ethan?” she pleaded.

“For sure. Like it’s honestly so weird how close we have gotten in just the past couple hours that we’ve been here, and we haven’t even had a ‘get to know you’ talk it is just a comfortable thing as if we’ve known each other for years. I wouldn’t necessarily call it keeping him busy though as much as just hanging out with him and getting to know him more.” I respond.

“Ahh yay! You’re the best.” She squealed while hugging me then running back to Ethan.

I smiled and rolled my eyes I looked around for a little before making my way back to Grayson, when I got closer to the main stage where The Neighborhood was performing Sweater Weather I noticed Grayson wasn’t there anymore and neither was V or E.

“Okay. Don’t really know what to do. I literally just saw V though.” I thought out loud.

“Yo make sure you get some of those cotton sticks!” I heard Ethan shout from behind me. I turned around so quick.

“Ethan what the hell are cotton sticks?” I yelled to him while laughing noticing the same girl who was talking to Gray earlier laugh.

“Cotton candy.” He said smiling like a 3-year-old getting called adorable.

“Okay then… Where’s Gray and V?” I asked him.

“Ryan met back up with us so Gray is with them by the disco ball trash can. I am on my way back to them. Come on.” He said nodding his head over towards where they all were.

“Ethan wait up!” the girl called after him in which he made a confused face.

“I’ll see you when you get over there.” I say walking away slowly just listening in on the conversation.

“What’s up...?” he asked.

“The sky, pfft… you’re the best youtubers who’ve lived on planet earth.” She said after a small awkward moment. “Oh, oops... That was cringe.”

At this point I was half way out of earshot.

“Are you enjoying ‘Chella’?” he questioned.

“Heck yeah. It’s awesome.”

I stopped listening when I saw Grayson adjusting the part of his ripped jean armband.

“Hey, there you guys are. Kind of wondered off for a while. Sorry.” I say which made Grayson look up from his armband.

“Hey. I was going to look for you, but V said you would find us.” He said pulling me into a hug. “Well okay then someone missed you.” Ethan chuckled wrapping his arm around Viviana’s waist.

“I mean can you blame me?” Gray asked.

“Oh my gosh. No. Stop. Both of you.”  I say pulling away from Gray laughing.

“Oh, by the way this is Ryan. Ryan this is Y/N.” Ethan introduced us.

“Hey. I actually know who Ryan is. You guys have collabed before and it was fucking hilarious I loved it.” I blurt out.

“The amount that Y/N watches your old videos is crazy.” V interjected.

“Hey! They’re funny, leave me alone. You freaking binge watch them with me you have no room to talk.” I defended.

Grayson and Ethan laughed at us

“Oh yeah., you guys want to laugh? Cause I have things I can say that will make you cringe instantly.” A teasing smile played on my lips after I spoke those words. The twins exchanged a worried look.

“Here are your ‘Cotton sticks’ Ethan.” Bryant returned with at least 8 of them and his camera. “Bryant do you want some help with all of that?” I asked, and he nodded.

I took a couple of them and handed one to V.

“Cotton candy yum.” Grayson said taking a bite out of one that was in my hand from over my shoulder.

“Hey! If you wanted one you could have just asked.” I smiled at him holding one out for him to take.

“Nah, I like it when you hold it.” He licked his lips and grinned.

I was going to respond but Ethan came over and took 3 of them from me leaving the one Gray bit from.

“Well okay then…”  I say as Grayson takes another bite. “Damn I might as well just hand feed the cotton candy to you” I joked.

“That’s a fantastic idea.” He said while smiling at me, I shook my head

“Are you serious?” I asked raising my eyebrow.

He nodded while grabbing a piece of cotton candy and holding it against my lips I shook my head no.

“I’m not eating that.” I laughed out

“Yes you are” He grinned now

“No… I’m really not. Grayson, I mean it. Oh my gosh stop.” I backed away from him while laughing.

I ran around our group as he chased me playfully, he ended up grabbing my waist from behind and spinning me around.

“Grayson!” I managed to yell out in the middle of my fits of giggles.

“What?” He asked putting me down, so I could face him. Once I turned around, my eyes immediately made contact with his and I was entranced. He wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me closer not breaking eye contact until he looked at my lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips gently against his while standing on my tippy toes. He placed his hands on my waist ho

lding me steady and kissed me back.

We were in our own little world, unbothered and carefree smiling into the kiss.

“Grayson!” Ethan screamed which made us break the kiss.

“What E?” He asked annoyed.

“You know we can’t do that. Not here. Fans might see.”  

“He’s right Gray… Look me and Vivi will go and check out some more bands. We can meet back up during the Weeknd’s performance.” I say placing my hand on his shoulder.

“Come on bro.” Ethan said dragging Grayson away letting my hand slide down his arm.

Vi pulled me back to the main stage where Vince Staples was setting up to perform. We were having fun dancing around like no one was watching which they weren’t, after the set we went to use the bathrooms.

“What are we doing after we leave?” Vivi asked.

“Well I know for sure we are going to go home but maybe on the way stop for some In-N-Out.” I answered.

“In-N-Out sounds amazing.” I hear Grayson suddenly say from behind me as he wrapped his arms around my waist and resting his chin upon my shoulder.

“Grayson, we talked about this.” Ethan warned pulling him off of me.

“Right sorry E.”

“Okay so I guess you guys are coming with us after to get In-N-Out too?” I questioned. We all agreed to it after me and Vivi went to the bathroom and were walking back to the main stage to see SZA perform.

On the way back to the stage I tripped over my own feet and stumbled into a bleach blonde girl wearing a two piece purple bikini.

“Oh my gosh I am so so sorry-” I say going to help her up.

“Wait… you're Tana Mongeau-”

[lorelaidanes]

i’m like never here anymore so here are some. life updates:

this got long so it’s... gonna be behind a read more lol

i’m like two months into therapy it’s going fine my therapist is v nice and affirming and sometimes she asks me “how do you feel about that” too much i wish she’d stop i don’t know how i feel at any given moment ok you don’t have to keep pointing it out [we’re. working on it.]

i’ve been trying to eat healthier + cook more and so far it’s going Not Bad, except for the part where i forgot to freeze my leftover meat and then had to throw it out bc it went bad lmao oops

also i’ve been trying to go the gym on a more frequent basis and sometimes i really have to talk myself into going but i recently realized i can watch something on netflix so that makes it more bearable bc quite honestly i get very bored at the gym and want to go home if i am not watching something. 

during easter weekend i found a stray kitten at my grandparents’ house and after it was determined she likely did not have a home, my mom decided to take her home with us. her name is pickle and she lives w my mom and she is precious and also kind of a mess. she has no concept of Indoor Cat Behavior and enjoys eating butter (she discovered how to open cabinets and ate an undetermined amount of butter that was sitting on a tray, purposefully hidden from her in the cabinet. which she figured out how to open). i love her.

my friends and i are planning to go to paris for a week in june and i’m going to see the uswnt play a world cup match!!!! i’m so EXCITED. i know the team is different now but i think going to a world cup match is going to be such a cool experience, even if it’s just group stage. 

in september i’m planning to be in seattle & then utah to visit friends and i’m so excited about that also. i haven’t seen some of these friends in years/ever & i haven’t visited my one friend despite her living there for the past six years. so it’s about time i get out there. we might hike angel’s landing. lmao

i went rock climbing w one of my oldest friends, who i have a long and complicated history with... but it was really nice to see her and catch up with her, and even though we’ve gone in completely different directions, it was nice to find that friendship again and i am so deeply appreciative of her.

miscellaneous not really life-related things:

pink’s new album is SO good and right now my top faves are 90 days and happy.

marina’s new album is also so good phew

i listened to lizzo’s new album too and it’s!!!! so GOOD!!!!!

taylor’s new song is good also i love benjamin button

wow i love women in music when are halsey & hayley dropping new music

anyway i made a decision to make 2019 my year of growth, and i think i’m doing okay so far. ✨