#goddammit i have so many thoughts about them

[twelvebooksstuff]

Yes, love that pattern for a job!

Yeah…I don’t think a lot of jobs are necessarily designed for people, honestly…that sounds so weird but the way a job/work environment is designed vs what would actually be helpful for workers is such a huge gap, most of the time! Your feelings are valid and relatable!! Workplaces, even less computer-based ones, can often feel like a machine where people are just seen as parts and less like you know, actual human beings, and it sucks. It doesn’t help when people at the top are so removed from everyday operations, that they don’t get it and make unhelpful choices as a result. Yes!!! The same information in three different ways (and three different places) happens all too often…*tries not to scream*

Ideal work schedule:

I show up and am given a list of cognitively engaging but achievable tasks

I complete the list

I leave immedietly

[aberooski]

I love Taylor. I always have and to some degree I always will. She means too much to me and is such an important figure and source of joy and light in my life when I desperately needed, and a connection to my own father that I need desperately, to deny that I will always look on her fondly to some degree as silly as that may seem sometimes and to some people.

But that doesn't mean I don't/won't/can't be critical of her or be disappointed or disagree with choices she makes or has made, because I absolutely have been and I absolutely am.

My problem is that I always, with every fiber of my being, look for and try to see the best in people and believe in people until I absolutely can't anymore. Unless it's something truly reprehensible and irredeemable, my brain simply cannot comprehend the idea that one bad decision or mistake trust me I know she's made more than one lately can automatically invalidate or negate anything and everything good a person has ever done. I've genuinely tried to understand it and unfortunately, I can't wrap my head around the concept. I give grace to a fault. I get sad when I see things said about her in a negative light even when I completely understand and even agree, because I have so much love for her in my heart. It's that tride and true naive, blind optimism in me I guess.

But I do not in any way think she's a perfect person, I know she isn't, because nobody is. Some are just better at hiding that than others. She makes mistakes, she's wrong sometimes, she is a human being who messes up. Sometimes in big ways. And unfortunately she's messed up a few times over the last year or so and that makes me sad. It disappoints me because I love her so much, and I do want and expect better of her. And in the process of that, it makes me very sad that I feel like I have to hide the facet of myself that does still love her despite my disappointment in her or risk making people upset with me now because I'm so afraid of upsetting people. I'm terrified of doing or saying the wrong things I try so hard to do the best I can every day and it's disappointing to see her slip up. It's sad. It makes me very sad.

It's a complicated time to love her right now. I hope, in my heart of hearts, I sincerely hope that sooner rather than later it won't have to be that way anymore. Not just for me, but for all of us who feel that complexity or conflict of emotions.

[celiababy]

Ain't Right

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: You have a major (borderline obsessive) crush on Joel, and you're on a mission to fuck him.

Warnings: 18+ SMUT MDNI, age gap (56/20), swearing, fingering (fem!receiving), p in v, unprotected sex, size kink, cum eating, name calling, kinda mean Joel, alcohol, vomiting, an extremely brief mention of suicide

Disclaimer: I lowkey don't know the logistics of the show so if some things are wrong please look over it I'm just trying to write smut about Joel Miller godbless.

Ain't Right part 2

Ever since that tortured old man showed up in Jackson, your life hasn't been the same.

Tommy's older brother, and your absolute undoing.

When Joel Miller rode into town, it was like everything suddenly made sense. The skies got clearer, the air smelled better, and the birds even chirped their love songs louder.

Everything about him drew you in; his cold demeanor, stoic face, tired eyes—but gentle around those he cared about, which was only a few select people.

And you certainly were not one of those select people.

Joel didn't know what to think about you.

To him, you were odd. Yes, you were undoubtedly the most beautiful girl in Jackson, but he felt distance between the two of you was essential.

He felt this way because he knew.

Joel wasn't oblivious to your stares; he might've been an old man, but he remembered the laws of attraction fairly well.

He didn't like the thought of you liking him.

You were young, attractive, and had plenty of age-appropriate prospects just begging for your attention. Every boy in Jackson wanted a piece of you—but you only had eyes for Joel.

He was getting old and tired, ain't no reason why you should be so fond over him.

He also didn't like that you made your attraction so obvious. It made people whisper, and Joel about had enough teasing from Tommy.

"You gonna let that young thing jump your bones or what, Joel?" Is an example of the few things his brother would chirp at him whenever you were around and had eyes on him like he was a target.

So, all things considered, it's no surprise when Joel is reluctant to make a supply run with you.

You had begged Tommy to let you go out and finally start pulling your weight, carefully adding that Joel would be a great teacher for a first timer like yourself.

You stand near the truck, squeezing the straps of your backpack while watching Joel and Tommy whisper to themselves a couple feet away.

"You can't find anyone else?" Joel growls lowly, narrowing his eyes at his insufferable brother who he’d really like to strangle right now.

"Are you seriously scared of a twenty year old girl, Joel?" Tommy asked exasperatedly, throwing his arm out in disbelief. "It'll take two hours tops, what the hell are you so scared of?" Joel is exhaling through his nose, dragging a hand down his jaw in complete disgruntlement.

"You know what the hell I'm scared of Tommy—goddammit," He gets in his brother’s face before realizing you’re still watching them.

He takes a moment to back up and calm down, breathing out through his nose.

"I do not need this town thinkin' I am encouraging this girls...feelin's." He murmurs lowly.

Tommy rolls his eyes before shoving Joel's backpack into his chest.

"Just don't fuck her, Joel. How hard could it be?"

Joel watches as Tommy turns his back and walks away, leaving just you and him.

Joel had spent a lot of time making sure he was never in a situation alone with you—now he was about to be your unsupervised mentor.

He feels a groan try and crawl its way out his throat, but he pushes it down.

He starts walking to the truck, not even looking at you as he passes and yanks the driver side door open with more force than necessary.

"Let's make this quick." He grunts out, climbing inside.

You do the same, only with a little bit more enthusiasm. ***

The trip is a complete bust.

Joel barely paid you any attention, no matter how many flirty gestures you made at him.

You'd say something remotely suggestive and he'd either glare at you, or just flat out ignore you.

But you were relentless. Giving up on him wasn't in the cards for you, no matter how many judgmental looks he casted your way.

You guys had been driving back to town for around five minutes; Joel has kept his eyes firmly on the road in fear of you sparking a conversation with him.

But you do anyways.

You turn your body to face him in the bench seat, your eyes cascading down his breath-taking side profile.

You zoned in on the gray patches of his beard, and how his face had the remnants of a long, unforgiving life weaved into his wrinkles and scars.

You're momentarily rendered speechless by his looks before he side-eyes you.

"What?" He huffs out, not being able to handle your intense stare any longer.

"Why not?"

A beat.

"What?" He asks again, his brows furrowing together, an annoyed and confused expression painting his features.

"Why won't you fuck me?"

Joel physically winces at your language, scoffing in what looks to be disgust as he starts shaking his head.

"We're not starting this." He snaps firmly, a tone in his voice that you haven't heard before.

Completely disregarding his words, you start.

"Is it because I'm not pretty enough?" Joel groans out, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Is it because there's someone else?" He's close to snapping. "Is it because you can't get it up? I heard thats a problem with guys your age-"

Joel slams on the brakes, sending you lurching forward. He shoves the truck into park before turning to face you, a scary look on his face.

"I am not going to fuck you--Christ almighty," Joel raises his voice at you.

You're staring at him, wide eyes and lips parted in surprise. You weren't really expecting this.

"you're bustin' my fuckin' balls, Look kid," He starts up again, this time with a softer tone. "M'about 40 years too old for you-"

You cut him off with a murmur. "36, I did the math."

"Same damn thing," he snaps, shaking his head. "Point is—you don't needa be wastin' your time with me; there are plenty boys your age that will satisfy your...you."

You scoff in his face but try to disguise it by clearing your throat.

"I'm not asking you to marry me, Joel," You start, a sad smile spreading across your lips. "S'just sex." You say with a shrug, blush coating your cheeks because now your mind is imagining sex with him.

He stays silent and looks away from you, closing his eyes like he couldn’t believe this was happening.

That urges you to say more.

"I won't tell anyone," You're practically whispering, looking down at your fidgeting hands in your lap. "I'd let you do anything you wanted to me."

Joel's heart cinches in his chest at your words, mostly because he can tell you're being so genuine.

Why the hell did you like him so much? He just couldn’t understand it.

But he can't entertain this any longer because he knows if he did, he'd give into you.

"I don't wanna hear another goddamn word outta your mouth." Joel says in a strikingly even and calm tone, putting the truck into drive and continuing back.

He's eerily silent, and so is the rest of the trip because you're too dejected to speak.

Eventually, you both arrive home and you're fast to get out of the truck.

You slam the door and keep your head down as you walk away, snow crunching beneath your boots.

Joel takes his time, watching you storm off with tired eyes.

He feels bad for being so rough on you, but he figured it was the only way to get you to stop liking him.

Tommy walks up, a concerned look on his face as he looks back between you and Joel.

"Guessin' you didn't fuck her."

***

Nobody had seen you in days.

The pain of rejection had you in a mental place that you had never experienced before.

No one has ever denied you—ever.

The situation was 100x worse considering you actually liked Joel, and he wasn't just another toy to play with.

Joel figured his life would get easier with you not around, and it kinda did in some aspects.

But he couldn't stop the gnawing feeling of guilt slowly eating at him like a parasite.

He'd been cruel to you in the way he went about things, and he felt bad.

Had he really broken your heart? He didn't know you liked him that much.

He sits in his living room, contemplating how to go about this entirely fucked up situation.

He debates making amends with you, apologizing and rejecting you again but in a gentler way.

He deliberates on his plan of action while nursing a glass of whiskey before he's interrupted by three bangs on his front door, followed by a screeching: "JOEL"

He mutters a 'what the fuck' under his breath, walking to the door and picking his 9mil up on the way.

His eyes widen when he sees you-standing there in all your glory.

It's the middle of winter and snowing like hell, yet you're wearing shorts and a tank top with a beer bottle in your hand.

"Jesus, kid-what the fuck," Joel ushers you inside quickly, taking his big jacket off the coatrack and draping it over you.

He also tosses his gun to the side, obviously you were no threat.

"You tryin' to get frostbit? Christ," he's swearing and muttering profanities as he guides you over to the couch, now basically swaddling you in blankets.

You've never been inside his house before, only ever walked passed it a few times. It smells like him.

You, however, smell like alcohol and bad decisions.

Joel picked up on how drunk you were the minute you stumbled through the door. He takes the bottle from your hand and sets it aside somewhere, glaring at you like how a mad parent would.

"The hell are you doin' out in the snow like that? Fuckin' death wish or somethin'?"

His words are kinda fuzzy in your ears, you're so drunk that you barely even register them.

An unprompted giggle spills from your lips as you shake your head at him.

"It's not snowing silly," You chide, making him out to be an idiot when, in actuality, it's a damn blizzard outside.

He knows from that statement alone that you are way off your rocker tonight.

"How much have ya had to drink, kid?" Joel asks, raking a hand through his graying hair.

"Don't call me kid," You snap, a quick flash of anger in your expression. "M'not a kid."

Joel rolls his eyes so hard that he probably caused a tsunami on the other side of the world.

“Yeah yeah, whatever. What are you doin’ here?” He asks exasperatedly, dragging a hand down his jaw while looking at your trembling figure.

There’s a long pause before you answer. You just got distracted by his big brown eyes.

“Jus’ wanted to say hi.” You murmur, unable to tear your gaze away from his face.

“Say hi?” He reiterates, looking at you like you’ve actually lost your mind.

You probably have.

After a moment, Joel can’t help but chuckle in disbelief, letting his body lean back against the couch.

The absurdity of it all turned humorous to him.

Here you are, sitting in his living room, practically nude with only his coat and blankets protecting your modesty, having just trekked through the snow all for what? To say hey?

You’re still sitting there, motionless and trying to remember how to breathe because his laughing face has your heart lighting off fireworks.

“Fuckin’ hell—hi.” Is all he says, turning his head to the side to look at you as he crosses his arms over his chest.

You smile like a dope at him, so extremely happy to be there in his company.

But the alcohol in your system is fighting you, and you’re finding it hard to keep your eyes open.

“S’it cool if I say the nigh?” You slur, falling vertically on the couch, your head crashing onto Joel’s thigh.

You nuzzle your cheek against the fabric of his jeans and Joel is just about to gently push you off, but he stops himself.

You look so comfortable and so at peace that Joel can’t do anything except stare at you.

Your cheek is slightly smushed, your lips are parted, your eyes are shut and don’t plan on opening—it’s insane to him how at home you looked.

Like you belonged here, head rested on his lap.

Fuck.

He was fucked this time.

He doesn’t move you. Instead, he fixes the blankets on top of you so you’re fully covered, and sits there with you the entire night.

He’s really gone soft.

***

When morning comes, you’re first to wake up, accompanied by a splitting headache.

You don’t even notice how Joel’s hand had fallen onto your waist some time during the night because you’re too busy making a b-line for the bathroom.

You chuck your guts up into the toliet, clutching the porcelain and groaning out in pain.

Joel wakes up to the sound of your hurling, momentarily disoriented before he remembers last nights events.

He’s quick to come to your aid in the bathroom, wasting no time gathering your hair in his fist to get it out of your face.

"S'right, get it all out," He murmurs out encouragingly, seemingly unfazed by the disheveled sight of you.

You’re too sick to be embarrassed, that’ll come later surely.

He sits on the wall of the tub as he continues holding your hair back, yawning every now and then like this was just a regular Tuesday morning.

Eventually, by the mercy of God, you get it all out of your system and slump up against the wall.

“M’sorry,” You immediately apologize, figuring that is the only right move in this situation.

“Don’t be. Been through plenty'a that in my day.”

His words are uncharacteristically reassuring and you find yourself taken back by them.

You soon realize this is probably just the hazy morning Joel, the Joel where he isn't worried about anything except coffee and breakfast—like everything wrong in his life is put on the back burner for this short minute in time.

“I’ll get you some water and Advil, sit tight.” He grunts before standing up on his feet, knees popping as he walks out.

You watch as he leaves, wiping the corners of your mouth with the back of your hand.

Aside from the vomit part, you could get used to this.

You've never seen him so...domestic. His hair was all messy, his voice was raspy, he had that morning haze over his features that you felt so honored to witness.

You suddenly felt compelled to look at your own appearance, hopping to your feet and looking in the dirty mirror.

You resist the urge to audibly gasp at your reflection, opting for a disgusted look instead.

Your hair is a rats nest, your clothes are a mess, and your mascara has rubbed off in black smudge all over the skin around your eyes.

In a desperate attempt to look at least semi-presentable, you wash your face with water and comb through your hair with your fingers.

The idea that Joel had seen you looking like that was making your stomach churn again.

Before you can grovel about it any longer, he rounds the corner with a glass of water and little brown pills in his hand.

“Here,” He says softly, handing you the water and tilting the pills into your open palm. “Take these ‘n drink all that water and ya should get to feelin’ better.”

You do as he says, swallowing the Advil in one go before taking a big sip to wash it down.

His eyes drift down to your shoulder, where your tank top strap has fallen. No doubt from all that vigorous throwing up you were doing moments ago.

Without thinking, his fingers graze your forearm before bringing the strap back up to its correct position, clearing his throat in the process.

A beat of silence falls over the both of you.

You’re gobsmacked by the complete nonchalance of his touch, staring at him with your mouth slightly open in shock.

“What?” He asks defensively, his tone pointed.

You look between him and your shoulder strap, then slowly move to set your water down.

“Are you sure we can’t fuck?”

“Goddammit—” Joels cursing before you can even finish saying the last word in your sentence.

He turns away from you, probably the fastest you’ve seen anyone turn in their life, and walks towards his room with an accelerating pace.

He shakes his head in disbelief all the way down the hall, pivoting on his heel to duck into his bedroom.

You follow him, not really fazed by how he completely refused to answer your question, though you didn’t think he would anyway.

Before you can step foot into the threshold of his room, Joel walks out, causing you to back up.

He shoves a stack of clothes in your direction, looking down at you with a frustrated face. “Put these clothes on and go home.”

You look down, realizing he was letting you borrow a sweater and jeans of his so you didn’t die walking back to your house from the cold.

Your heart warms at this thoughtfulness.

Without wasting any time, you take the clothes from his hands, smiling happily. “Can I keep them?”

“Why the hell would you wanna keep my clothes?” He’s got that confused/angry look on his face as he asks, and you have to suppress a giggle at the sight of it.

You bring the pieces of fabric up to your nose and inhale, humming as you breathe out again. “They smell like you.”

“Christ,” Joel beings his hands up to rub at his eyes. “Fine, do whatever. Just hurry up and change, jesus,"

Ever the tease, you set down his clothes and begin to lift your tank top like you planned to change right in front of him.

Joel's hands shoot out to stop you, a 'don't try me,' look on his face.

"Put them on over your clothes," Joel says sternly, watching the way you sigh because you weren't fast enough in lifting your tank top off.

However, you sieze the opportunity in front of you.

Joel's hands are holding yours down, so you work to intertwine your fingers, invading his space by stepping forward.

"Or, you could take my clothes off," You purr, your chest now flush with his torso.

Joel exhales through his nose, his jaw clenching as he tried deciding how he was going to get out of this situation.

But then he paused.

Looking down at you now, so eager and wide eyed, made him wonder.

If he fucked you, and made you realize it wasn't what you were probably imagining in your head, maybe then you'd finally leave him alone.

He would just...pretend to be awful at sex.

(Even though it had been so long and he wasn't sure if he'd actually need to 'pretend' anymore.)

There's a long silence that drags out between the both of you.

Your stomach is doing flips because it's looking like he's finally going to agree.

His resolve cracks and Joel can't do anything but sigh in defeat.

Slowly, Joel pulls you back into his room, closing the door behind you both.

Time is moving in slow motion.

You can't believe it's finally happening.

He guides you back until the back of your knees hit his bed, prompting you to sit down on it.

"I'm only going to do this once," Joel's voice is uncharacteristically low and calm, and it has your core tightening.

You nod in acknowledgement, waiting to see what he's going to do next.

With care, he pushes your shoulder down so you're laying on your back. "Are you sure you want this?" He asks, brown eyes searching yours.

"Have I not made it obvious?" You quip, a giggle following shortly after.

Joel only shakes his head before his fingers latch around the fabric of your shorts, pulling them down and off your legs.

"S'pose you have." He murmurs, scratching the back of his neck.

You're vibrating with excitement and you repeat what you tried earlier, only this time succeeding with taking your top off.

Of course, you're not wearing a bra.

Joel realizes in that moment that he bit off way more than he could chew.

He hasn't seen breast that weren't on a soggy piece of paper in at least a few years, and yours--well, his cock stood no chance.

You hear him swallow, watching as he can't seem to stop staring at your chest.

Realizing that he might need a little encouragement to start speeding things along, you smile up at him and whisper, "touch me Joel".

Yeah, screw this. His plan of pretending to be bad was now entirely forgotten—he was going to do what he wanted, so help him god.

He huffs out a curse before sliding a hand up your torso, stopping once he's fully cupped one of your breasts in one hand. He kneads it like dough while using his other hand to disappear under your panties.

A choked moan erupts from your lips once you feel his fingers brush along your clit, rubbing around and spreading your slick around all too slowly.

"haven't even done anythin' yet and you're already fuckin' soaked..." He murmurs really to just himself, his eyes casting down to watch as he rips your underwear off impatiently.

"M'always like this whenever you're around," you mewl to spur him on, spreading your legs wider.

"Oh you are, huh?" Joel repeats back, the tiniest bit of cruelty in his tone that makes you shiver.

You nod, bucking your hips into his hand desperately.

"don't get why you like an old man like me, s'gross." His tone is flat but it's clear he's teasing by the way he curls his fingers inside of you. He's not really expecting a response, but you feel compelled.

You lurch forward, gasping at the feeling. "I really like you," You rush out breathlessly. "I'd do anything you wanted me to." You say earnestly as you stare into his eyes, loving what you're seeing.

Joel remembers when you told him that the first time, his heart cinching the same way it did then.

Joel is at war with himself. One side of him is screaming that this whole situation is fucked up and he is better off without you.

Another part of him thinks that this is the most he’s ever felt in a long time. And he doesn't want to lose it.

You can see the gears turning in his head. His fingers have slipped from you and you wince at the loss.

Slowly, you sit up. Your arms wrap around his shoulders, your nipples pressing into his shirt.

He's confused and momentarily panicked when your faces get so close together, his hands seeking purchase on your hips.

In an unexpected move, you rake your hands through the side of his hair, looking lovingly at his face.

"I just wanna be someone for you," You murmur, your face breaking a little as Joel's resolve also cracks. "Doesn't matter what. I'm very versatile." You mumble the last part to try and lighten the mood.

Joel just stares at you—something swimming behind his eyes that you can't quite place.

Eventually, he crashes his forehead against yours, sighing out.

"You're makin' this fuckin' impossible." He rasps before kissing you with a passion you've never felt before.

You feel victorious.

He's finally given in to you.

Eagerly, you kiss back, wrapping your legs around his torso and grinding your bare cunt against the bulge in his jeans.

"Then stop trying so hard to get rid of me," You sigh out, chasing his lips even as you're trying to speak.

He groans and you catch it in your mouth, the pressure on his clothed cock making him dizzy.

“Fuck,” He’s quick to unbuckle his belt, sliding it out of the loops and tossing it somewhere on the floor. “Lay back.” He demands and you immediately follow suit.

He's never been that...assertive with you before. It makes you tingle all over.

He looks starved as he peers down at you, specifically your cunt.

He literally can’t tear his eyes off your sex—he only looks up to your gaze when you let out an impatient whine.

He rips down his pants, letting his cock spring free and slap against his stomach.

Now you can’t tear your eyes away from his sex.

You’ve only dreamt it so many times, but now that it’s finally in front of you—it all just feels surreal.

It’s better than you imagined, perfect.

“I don’t have a—”

You know what he’s about to say so you cut him off immediately. “S’okay, like it raw. Closer to you that way.” You murmur.

Joel looks physically pained that he’s not inside you right now. For some reason, you just know all the right things to say.

“Closer to me?” He huffs out, hooking his arms around your thighs and pulling you down to the edge of the bed where he stood.

Now your cunt is flush with the base of his member and the sensation drives you both insane. “You’re fuckin’ insane.”

Joel rasps, but the way he says it reveals just how far he’s fallen. He knows you’re crazy, and yet here he is, balancing you out.

He glides his member back and forth against your folds, gathering up your wetness with a clenched jaw and furrowed brows.

He looks so concentrated—meanwhile you’re writhing with pleasure and impatience. Your cunt is clenching around nothing, desperate for him.

“So fuckin’ pretty,” he murmurs to himself, eyes tracing all over you.

You freeze.

Joel had complimented you for the first time, and it was genuine.

He notices you stiffen and takes a moment to pause.

Your entire body erupts with goosebumps, your heart beating at exceptionally fast speeds.

He's worried for a second that something is horribly wrong.

“What?” He asks, confused at what’s got you so wound up.

Your face is flushed red as you bashfully giggle. “You called me pretty.”

Ah fuck.

Joel finds you so charming it hurts.

After he remembers how to breathe again, he rolls his eyes and clears his throat.

“I have my cock to your cunt, of course I find you pretty.”

You smile and shrug. “Still. Nice to hear.” You’re all smiles until his tip prods at your entrance, causing a gasp to leave your throat.

He continues to apply pressure with his tip and it’s driving you crazy.

“Fuck Joel—are you trying to kill me?” You whine, hips wiggling to get him in.

He scoffs and shakes his head. “Relax, m’almost there.”

Slowly, he begins pushing his way inside. His mushroom head breaches you entirely and it feels like you can hear the angels singing.

He continues forward, the stretch being mainly around the middle of his thick cock.

But you’re taking it like a champ.

Joel braces himself with hands on both sides of your torso as he bottoms out, a groan crawling its way out of his throat.

The sensation is absolutely delicious.

A little bit of pain from the stretch, but so much pleasure from the fullness.

“Joel, ohmygod you feel so good inside me.” You moan, throwing your head back.

Your hips start moving on their own, but he immediately stops you with two large hands.

“D-Don’t move—fuck.” Joel grumbles out, his face pinched together in what looked like pain.

You’re confused for a moment, thinking maybe that he might just be really into cockwarming.

But then it hits you.

“Were you gonna come?” The tone in your voice makes it seem like you’d be elated if that was the case—like the most flattering thing in the world.

Joel looks pissed that you caught on so quick.

In truth, the moment he put his tip in, he was holding back his orgasm.

Can you blame him? He’s only fucked his hand for the last couple years.

“S’been a while.” Is all he can say, his chest heaving up and down in concentration. You know he’s embarrassed, but you can’t help but smile like a dope at him.

“If you come, please do it inside, please,” you beg, reaching out for his arms that caged you in.

Joel's rational mind feels like it just touched down in looney town after hearing your begging.

He feels crazy because he liked the thought of the idea you proposed. You even see him hesitate. But then he scoffs and shakes his head.

Joel drops down closer to your face, slowly starting to rock his hips into you. "Tryin' to baby trap me, girl?" He grunts in your ear, making you moan out.

Your walls are clenching down on him, and it’s making it that much harder to hold back. “No-no, promise, just wanna be full of you." You manage to blubber out...unconvincingly.

You probably didn't really want a baby with Joel, but your lust-driven brain was working on fumes and you just wanted to do what felt good.

Joel's grunting in your ear was not helping things. His fingers were gripping your hip so hard, you figured it would probably bruise tomorrow

Good. You wanted whatever he would give you.

"Christ--m'not gonna last much longer," Joel groans, picking his head up a little to meet your gaze. He wanted to kick himself for not being able to last, but when he saw your face, all those feelings disappeared.

You looked so--perfect. Soaking up the moment in case it was the last, god you hoped it wasn't the last time. Now that you've finally had a tase of him, you weren't sure you could live without it.

Your legs tighten around his waist, keeping him firmly in your cunt. Joel notices this and also your pleading eyes, a growl leaving his throat.

"Please, please, please, please," you beg, never breaking eye contact with him as his thrusts pick up speed.

He ruins your long string with pleas with a needy kiss, shoving his tongue down your throat like a starving man.

You accept it happily, moaning out into the kiss while Joel manhandles your hips to take his cock.

The feeling is damn near euphoric for both you and him. It gets even better when Joel's hand comes down to rub at your clit again.

Your back arches off the bed as you gasp and moan out, wrapping your arms back around his shoulders. "F-Fuck!" You moan into his ear, probably drooling on his shoulder in the process. "thankyouthankyouthankyou-" you sputter out in choked sobs. He was really good at working on your clit, you couldn't do anything else but thank him for it.

Joel feels a surge of something when he hears you. He's never had a woman thank him in bed before.

It's enough to push him over the edge. And apparently you too.

"I'm gonna come Joel, please don't stop," There are pools of tears in your eyes that Joel is just now noticing. He's about to reply to you, but he finds himself speechless when he feels your cunt start constricting and fluttering around him like a vice.

"Fuck!" He groans out loudly, his hips starting to falter in their rhythm. But then he picks up speed again, and in no time he's like a madman jackhammering into you.

You're a mess of screams and cries and moans underneath him, happily taking everything he was giving you.

When Joel feels himself about to come, he notices how your legs are still tightly wrapped around him, keeping him inside, and he manages to scoff out.

"Gotta let me go baby," You've never heard that pet name from him before, and it makes you crumble. His hands move to grab at your thighs, kneading the flesh there.

You whine out but reluctantly release the grip your legs had on him. Joel doesn't waste time before hugging both your legs on his chest, keeping them firmly placed while your feet squirmed by his ear.

"Atta girl," he murmurs before picking up speed again, his cock head pressing into your cervix.

It's all too much for you. Joel looks so amazing pounding into you from above, his concentrated face, his sweat, the way his salt and pepper hair is all disheveled, you're losing your mind.

Your core is on fire and you can't stop yourself.

In a staggering turn of events, you come first.

Your walls come down like bricks on his dick, you cry out, throwing your head back in complete bliss and ecstasy.

Seeing and feeling this, Joel is quick to follow in your steps. He rips himself from that warm hole of yours and pumps himself dry onto your stomach.

You watch it all with wide eyes, you wouldn't have missed Joel's orgasm face for the world!

Of course, his eyes were squeezed shut, his mouth was open as he was breathing heavily, and his eyebrows turned down like he was mad.

God he was so beautiful.

His thick ropes of cum shoot all over your stomach and even your breasts as he jerks himself off to completion.

When he finishes, he takes a moment to catch his breath, finally opening his eyes to see you scoop up his cum from your breast with your finger and shove it in your mouth.

Your tongue swirls around his seed and you swallow eagerly, humming out in satisfaction at the taste of him.

Joel's watching in complete fascination, though his expression looks a little angry. When does it not?

"taste so good," you mumble with your finger still in your mouth, looking up at him with your big eyes.

He moves before he can think about it--ripping your hand away from your lips and caging you in a slow but deep kiss.

He soon falls down beside you and soon rolls over onto his back, his chest rising and falling from the excursion.

You curl into his side, watching his side profile so intently. You had just fucked Joel Miller.

And it was everything you had dreamed of. Extreme happiness doesn't even begin to describe your feelings right now.

There's a long stretch of silence that drapes over the both of you. Eventually, Joel breaks it with something extremely off topic.

"Last night...you didn't just come here to say 'hi', did you?"

You're momentarily speechless, not expecting that question from him at all. But you can't stop a giggle from coming through your lips.

"Actually, I came to confront you." Your voice is soft as you begin speaking, thinking back to last night's ordeal.

Joel doesn't expect this answer, his head turns to look at you while you speak. His arm comes down to drape over your shoulder.

"I was really upset cus you rejected me n'all. I just couldn't accept the whole, 'age gap' excuse. I wanted to know if you just really didn't like me or not." You're murmuring, drawing soft lines with your finger on the skin of Joel's chest.

He huffs out a breath at the explanation, shaking his head. "Guess you got your answer, huh." He grumbles out, somewhat ashamed of himself that he couldn't hold back.

You smile and lean up to kiss his cheek. "I did," you chirp happily, admiring his face again. "You know you're gonna have to fuck me, like, everyday now, right?"

You're kidding. But you're also not at all.

Joel scoffs and sits up, moving to pick up both his and your shirts. "Fat chance. Barely had enough stamina for one round." He grunts out, finding the neck hole in your tank top and putting it over your head for you.

You don't bother to pull it down over your breasts so Joel does it for you.

"It's okay, we can build up your tolerance over time." You quip with a teasing smile, loving the way Joel turned to glare a you.

He couldn't believe the youth these days.

[okcoolthanks]

I got mad and sad so I wrote some vent (amougus) (jk sorry) post and I know they won’t fucking see it but fuck if I wanted to say it

g and m are people but I don’t want to say their names because idk

If you don’t want to read it you don’t have to it’s under the cut if you really really want to I got really mad and just typed it so most of it won’t make sense

Hey can I just say that using therapy speech doesn’t automatically make you in the right I don’t ducking care if your depressed and go to therapy you can’t fucking tell me that I shouldn’t be upset from having a panic attack and feeling left out for multiple days while im crying talking to you because im slurring my words and I can’t breath around my own sobs

Like I get that I knew that I might be triggered because whooaaahh substance abuse, but 1 why would you do fucking DRUGS on a holiday where there’s a fuck ton of KIDS around and 2 maybe I just thought it was fine! I hadn’t been around something like that in years i thought it was fine and it wasn’t and because im fuckinf terrified of ruining everyone’s good time I didn’t say anything when I started fucking sobbing but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to be heard!!!!!!!! And last but definitely not least 3 YOU FUCKING KNEW THAT I DONT UNDERTSAND SITUATIONS WELL. MAYBE TELLING ME THROUGH CLUES THAT YOUR UPSET AND SHIT DIDNT PASS THROUGH MY FUCKING THICK SKULL, ALL OF YOU WERE THERE WHEN I GOT MY AUTISM DIAGNOSIS, FUCKING m ALSO HAS IT SO ITS NOT LIKE YOU DIDNT KNOW JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

I ducking understand that I was in the wrong to be upset about some things but holy ducking shit you can’t say that I’m the bad guy because your using therapy speech and if someone has a mental illness that they should shut up and fix it before making ANY friends when mental illnesses are a fuck ton more complicated than that which you’d think they’d KNOW because YOU ALL HAVE SOME SORT OF THAT

But NO. IM the fucking asshole for every fucking thing that went wrong and now I have to change how I walk to classes and I skip my favorite fucking class ever ESPECIALLY when it’s cold and raining outside because I’d GENUINELY RATHER FREEZE TO DEATH THAN BE IN A ROOM WITH ANY OF YOU FUCKERS AGAIN

Hell if you didn’t fucking want me around you should’ve fucking told me!!!!! I wouldn’t have come back!!! I wouldn’t have had lunch with you every day! I wouldn’t have made everyone little things I thought you’d like and I wouldn’t have tried to remember your birthdays and I wouldn’t have had hope for my future

If you were FUCKING uncomfortable with me around after I asked you out g I wouldn’t have gone around you!!! I checked in so much asking if it was still ok that I was around, I CONSTANTLY asked if it was ok that I was around you can’t fucking say “communications important!” And then not fucking communicate in a way that I understand!!!!!

I’m SORRY I’m a bad person but fuck man it’s not like I wasn’t TRYING

[a-little-bit-of-lots-of-stuff]

Sad pathetic rambling

[olivianyx]

OMGG I JUST GOT RESULTS WITHOUT BEATING MYSELF UP WITH ROUTINES 😭 + RANT ✨

HEYY LUVS! I JUST WANNA SHARE MY RESULTS I MANIFESTED WITHIN 2-3 DAYS! THIS YEAR'S GONNA BE MY BEST YEAR Y'ALL ✋AND GUESS WHAT I DID? NOTHING. LITERALLY NOTHING. NUH-UH. PERIODT.

⚠ LONG POST AHEAD, SWEARING ⚠

WHAT I MANIFESTED:

🪄 PASSING MY FRESHMAN YEAR WITH HIGH SCORES

🪄 MY FAMILY BOUGHT A NEW APARTMENT WHICH WERE PREPARING TO MOVE IN 3 WEEKS

🪄 ME GETTING INTO THE VOID STATE 😭 AND MANIFESTED CLEAR SKIN! (DAYUM GETTING INTO THE VOID IS DEFO VERY EASY OMGG)

🪄 GETTING LESS ANXIOUS LATELY!

🪄 MY GASTRITIS AND ULCERITIS GETTING CURED

🪄 GETTING MORE COMPLIMENTS IN MY UNI!

🪄 GETTING TALLER! I WENT FROM 5'3" TO 5'7" IN 2 DAYS 😭😭

🪄 GETTING DREAMS OF ME SHIFTING TO MY WR 🥺 (ACTUALLY RESPAWNING LOL, AS THIS THING IS REALLY CONTROVERSIAL IN HERE, PLEASE DON'T GET ME CANCELLED- I'M DOING DEATHLESS RESPAWNING ✋)

🪄 MY MIND IS SURPRISINGLY CALM 😌 THERE'S STILL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS THO (THOSE ARE ANNOYING ASS BITCHES) BUT I JUST IGNORE EM LIKE I IGNORE PEOPLE AT SCHOOL 🗿

🪄 GOT MANY CONFESSIONS TOO 😭 AND I REJECTED EM ALL, CUS I JUST WANT TO BE SINGLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE ✋🗿 JK

🪄 GETTING COOL CLOTHES THAT MY MOM DENIED A LOTTA TIMES! (ACTUALLY I'VE ORDERED EM BUT STILL HAVEN'T SHIPPED TO MY ADDRESS YET LOL)

🪄 MY CRUSH BECOMING CLOSE TO ME HEHE 🤭 LIKE SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME MUCH, BUT LATELY SHE'S BEEN TOO CLOSE TO ME AND ALWAYS WANNA BE WITH ME LOL, 3 DAYS BACK SHE AND I WALKED HOME TOGETHER, WHILE WE GRABBED SOME SNACKS, SPOKE ABT EACH OTHER AND ALL (I FELT LIKE BEING IN A SHOUJO MANGA 😩)

🪄 A NEW PHONE! THAT SAMSUNG GALAXY S22 😩

I MANIFESTED EVERYTHING WITHIN 3 DAYS 😭 I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES, JUST. 3. FUCKING. DAYS. GODDAMMIT.

HOW I DID IT:

JUST FULFILLED IT IN MY IMAGINATION

YEP, YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT. I LIVED IN THE 4D REALITY, I NEVER GAVE A SHIT ABOUT THE 3D AT ALL. OK LEMME BREAK IT DOWN FOR Y'ALL SO JUST PAY ATTENTION FROM HERE ONWARDS.

🪄 SUPPOSE SOMETHING UNDESIRABLE OR UNFAVORABLE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE HAPPENING IN YOUR 3D. WHO'S THE CAUSE FOR THAT? YOU. 'BUT I DIDN'T IMAGINE OR THINK OF THESE 😭' BABY, YOU'RE THE SOLE CAUSE, EFFECT, AND THE SOLUTION. THERE'S NO OTHER EXPLANATION TO THIS.

🪄 AS WE ALL KNOW, 3D IS A MIRROR. RIGHT? WHATEVER YOU THINK ABOUT, YOUR ASSUMPTIONS, YOUR THOUGHTS, YOUR FEELINGS, YOUR PERSPECTIVE EVERYTHING WILL BE REFLECTED. SO WHY NOT THINK THE WAY YOU WANT SO YOU CAN EXPERIENCE THE SAME? GET IT.

🪄 IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE 3D, CHANGE YOUR 4D FIRST. CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE TO HOW YOUR DESIRED SELF WOULD SEE THE WORLD. KEEP DWELLING IN IT. IF THE 3D SHOWS UNFAVORABLE CIRCUMSTANCES, DON'T FUCKING GET TRIGGERED. GO BACK TO YOUR IMAGINATION AND DENY YOUR SENSES.

🪄 EVERYTIME YOU SEE SOMETHING ELSE IN THE 3D, GO 'BRUHH THIS IS MY OLD STORY, I ALREADY HAVE WHAT I WANT, THIS IS JUST FAKE' AND MOVE ON. DISTRACT YOURSELF. CUS THE 3D WORLD WHICH YOU SEE IS AN ILLUSION, IT'S NOT REAL. IT'S YOUR CREATION, WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO CONTROL WHAT YOU CREATED? IT'S ALREADY IN CONTROL. YOU ONLY GOTTA REALISE YOUR GODSELF. YOU ARE THE CREATOR, NOT THE CREATION. STOP FUCKING VICTIMIZING YOURSELF.

🪄 I GET IT THAT MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED BETWEEN LAW OF ASSUMPTION AND NON DUALISM. EVEN I WAS, BUT SLOWLY I REALISED THAT WE'RE ALL NOTHING. WE'RE JUST LIVING IN OUR OWN CREATIONS. VICTIMIZING OURSELVES IN OUR OWN CREATIONS. IRONIC RIGHT?

🪄 THOSE THOUGHTS, ANXIETY, FEELINGS, EMOTIONS ARE ALL IN YOUR PHYSICAL REALM. YOUR MIND, YOUR BODY, YOUR EGO EVERYTHING IS NO REAL, WE ASSUME IT TO BE. WE'RE ARE SHAPELESS, FORMLESS, WE'RE NOTHING! AND EVERYTHING AT THE SAME TIME. CUS EVERYTHING COMES DOWN TO ONE THING, I AM.

🪄 K Y'ALL MIGHT BE SUPER CONFUSED, WHAT I'M TRYNA INFUSE IN YOUR BRAINS. SO WHAT YOU DO IS, LIVE IN YOUR 4D.HOW? IMAGINATION. NO MATTER WHAT YOU SEE IN YOUR 3D, GO BACK TO YOUR IMAGINATION, AFFIRM OR VISUALISE. ANYTHING IS FINE BTW. JUST STAY IN THE STATE OF WISH FULFILLED.

🪄 STOP RELYING ON METHODS, FUCK THEM. JUST BE. DON'T TRY TO CHANGE SOMETHING WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE THEM. JUST STOP, SURRENDER, STOP FIGHTING, STOP TRYING SO HARD WHEN YOUR ALREADY IT. SO GO LIVE IN YOUR IMAGINATION, FULLY SURRENDER. DO THINGS WHICH YOU LIKE. GO LIVE YOUR LIFE. TAKE YOUR POWER BACK.

LIKE AREN'T YOU TIRED? TRAPPED IN YOUR OWN CREATIONS? YOU CREATED THEM, YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE WHATEVER. TELL ME HOW LONG ARE YOU GONNA LIVE THIS BULLSHIT LIFE? YOU'RE REALLY GETTING COMFORTABLE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE. SO LISTEN UP, DO WHAT YOU LOVE, AFFIRM, VISUALISE, OR DAYDREAM, ZONE OUT, WHATEVER. ALL I DID WAS DO THIS MEDITATION IN THE MORNING, WENT ABOUT MY DAY WATCHING JUJUTSU KAISEN LMAO. THEN RANDOMLY AFFIRM, LIVED IN MY 4D, NEVER PAYED ANY FUCKING ATTENTION TO MY 3D, CUS I'M GOD. I REALLY LOVE VISUALISING, SO I PUT ON A SONG AND START DAYDREAMING IN MY ROOM SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT. ALSO, I DID SATS BEFORE GOING TO BED. THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL I DID FOR 3 FUCKING DAYS, AND GOT WHAT EVER I WANT. ALSO I MADE A CUSTOM TAPE TOO (IT'S A GENERAL SELF CONCEPT ONE) I LISTENED TO IT FOR 30 MINS AND JUST WENT ABOUT MY DAY THINKING I HAD WHATEVER I FUCKING DESIRE, CUS IT'S ALL MY CREATIONS AND I HAVE IT ALREADY. THERE'S NOTHING TO GET, IT'S ALREADY IN ME.

LUV YOU, BYE 💋

[i3utterflyeffect]

it's been locked. thank fuck

I made a mistake <- dared to ask if nonbinary people will ever be added to base-game stardew valley

[lordprettyflackotara]

hitchhiker || chapter one || the proxies

tw: mentions of murder

<— prologue

Brian frowned as he picked up a can of soup, examining the label.

Grocery shopping is pointless.

He sighed as he put the can in his shopping cart. His gaze didn’t stray from the shelves, searching for his favorite. Tomato soup.

Not like we stay in one place long enough to really eat all of this shit.

Brian pushed his shopping cart forward, grumbling to himself. Since your meeting the proxies, they had done everything to avoid you. He cringed at the thought of Tim’s weakness. For the first time in years the roles were reversed, Brian the harsh one and Tim the blind softie. He reached forward to grab a can of chicken soup, his cart ramming into something.

His eyes flickered over to the hard stop, shock washing over him like a brutal wave. There you stood, a tiny red shopping basket accompanying your arm. In your hand sat a can of his beloved tomato soup. “Holy shit, Brian?” You asked. No no no no. What the actual fuck were you doing here? Brian awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. They had driven outside of the city to avoid you and here you stood.

“I think you have me mistaken for someone else-” Brian began. An overly optimistic Toby popped over his shoulder, dropping a container of oreos into the chart. His face lit up at the sight of you.

“Hi Y/n!”

Goddammit.

This reminded Brian why he thought Toby was a liability a smooth eighty percent of the time. The other twenty was Hoodie being impressed someone as slender as Toby could chop up a body so fast. You grinned as you walked around the shopping cart. “I didn’t realize you guys lived so far away from the city, I would’ve driven you closer,” You say. Brian admired your sober look, your face flushed with more color and your words no longer slurred.

“We work out here. Just grabbing some groceries on the way home,” Brian answered. Toby pranced around behind you, peaking over your shoulder. “T-t-tomato soup is H-, Brian’s favorit-te,” Toby said. Brian sighed, silently wishing Hoodie was fronting so you couldn’t see his face. You held out the can to him. “You can take it, it’s the last one,” You say, offering him a small smile. Brian hesitated, before remembering how much he enjoyed tomato soup. He reached his hand out, grabbing the can. His fingers brushed against your soft skin, which was radiating a comforting warmth.

You were like a bundle of touchable joy.

Oh fuck he was becoming soft.

“Thank you,” Brian mumbled, placing it in the cart. You eyed the cart suspiciously, noting the lack of substantial food. “I know you guys are middle aged men, but shouldn’t you have some real food in there?” You asked curiously. Not exactly like we have a lot of time for cooking. “We burn a lot of calories when we-” Toby started. Brian sent him a look so viscous he was surprised the kids head didn’t explode. “When we’re a-at work,” He finished. You raised an eyebrow, exchanging glances between the two. You were about to question the men’s relationship, the faint sound of static causing you to close your mouth.

It was overwhelming, the sensation making the left side of your temple throb. Brian was about to excuse them from the situation, a familiar voice interrupting his saving face. “Hey what’s taking so long?” Tim asked. His eyes nearly popped out of his head at the sight of you. “Hi Tim,” You greeted. It was interesting to you that not only had you ran into them again, you had managed to run into all three of them. Your drunken night had wiped away the awkward moments during your interaction.

Tim had thought you would’ve forgotten them entirely, but it was the rather opposite effect than he wanted. Instead of forgetting them, you only forgot the awkwardness and tenseness of the car ride. “Hi there,” Tim greeted. Brian could practically feel Tim’s flusteredness. Over the years they had slaughtered many women without a second thought, including attractive ones. And sure, the three of them hadn’t had intimacy in God knows how long. But Brian just couldn’t understand Tim’s infatuation with you. You were just a girl.

“So um, about dinner,” Tim continued. Brian refrained from visibly showing his distain. There was always the possibility you would’ve forgotten about the dinner proposal. What the fuck was Tim’s problem? It wasn’t as if Brian wanted them to all die practical virgins, it just wasn’t logical. Having any form of relationship would only result in a tragedy. Brian had racked his brain about it long ago, back when his freedom was first stripped away from him. What could he say? He was a horny motherfucker whose potential lovers would be slaughtered or tortured.

“Yeah?” You say. Brian could tell you were getting excited. You were practically bouncing on your heels. Man, maybe you’d make a good match for Toby. Brian shoved the the thought out of his head, looking away. “Why don’t we go grab some burgers or something tonight?” Tim suggested. Brian noticed the slight raise of your left eyebrow. Tim must’ve too, clearing this throat before following up with, “All of us. Our treat.”

You couldn’t have put on a bigger smile even if you had wanted to. “That sounds great. How about the corner burger joint on twenty eighth avenue? It’s near my apartment,” You suggested. Brian watched in horror as Tim grinned, giving you a confirmative nod.

“It’s a date.”

Brian couldn’t usher the three of them out of the store fast enough. Once comfortable in the car, Brian turned towards Tim. “Do you have any idea what you’ve just done? You practically gave her a headstone with her name on it,” He spat. Tim rolled his eyes, digging in his pocket for his faithful box of cigarettes. “One dinner is harmless, isn’t it kid?” He asked, glancing at Toby in the rearview mirror. Brian sighed as the younger man nodded excitedly. “M-most interaction we-ev’e had with another human in a longgg time,” He agreed, his neck twitching to the side again. Brian pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

“Don’t weaponize Toby against my argument. We both know this is a terrible idea,” He said flatly. Tim started the car, driving past a fallen over shopping cart on the overgrown field. “If the Operator gets interested in her for even a split second-” Brian continued. Tim rolled his eyes, a cigarette dangling from his lips. “Thats not going to happen, we’d never bring her to him. Besides, she’s just a girl. What’s the worst that could happen?” Tim answered. Out of the seven years they had been partners, Brian had never heard Tim be more nonchalant.

“O-one of us could g-get laid for once,” Toby added. Brian frowned as he reached into one of the grocery bags, pawing away to find the oreos. “Yeah we won’t bring her. But you know they will,” Brian pointed out. The sound of Toby crunching on oreos and the smell of Tim’s cigarette smell overwhelmed Brian’s senses. “They have no reason to be interested in her, nor do they have any reason to front tonight. We already took care of our mission for today. Boss gave us an easy target,” Tim reminded him. It was true, the latest assignment one that would begin easy.

In the trunk of their car sat a corpse of a middle aged man, one who was a detective. He had been investigating the proxies symbol and the various murders they had committed. He was putting all the pieces together, something that led him to a dangerous fate. It was the proxies responsibility to conceal the identities of all creeps. It was their literal job to clean up the messes the Operators mansion residents had made. It became more than personal though once someone began looking into their lives more than they should.

After all, Toby was still considered wanted. Tim and Brian were considered missing. Brian folded his arms, frowning as he looked out of the window.

“Oh yeah that reminds me, how the fuck are we going to discard of the body before dinner?”

\/

You held your phone to your ear, navigating through the whimsical rack of your closet. Your closest friend Nova was on the other end, helping you choose an ensemble for your dinner with the boys.

“Who are these guys again?”

Her voice was laced with concern. You held up a black dress to your figure, analyzing every last detail. “I met them on Halloween. Just a couple of hitchhikers,” You replied. You tossed the black dress aside, grabbing a white one instead. “I read cases of hitchhikers being cannibalistic murderers almost daily you know,” Nova replied. You had grown up with Nova, the two of you remaining close friends into adulthood. Despite the two of you having gone two separate waves career wise, you always made time for each other. She had chosen to be a detective. Despite her constant complaining, her passion was truly driven to seek justice for the victims of psychopaths.

You on the other hand, had made a more reckless choice. Your childhood dreams of being an actress had traveled over into adulthood. Leading in your long term employment at the Steak and Shake as a waitress. “Not all hitchhikers are crazy Nova. Besides, these guys seem nice. You’re the one who’s been telling me to get out there again,” You reminded her. After your nasty breakup with your ex boyfriend, you had become a bit of a reclusive. Halloween was the first time you had been out in months, Nova leaving early with her hookup of the night.

“Yeah but there’s three of them. They’re going to make you pick one,” She informed you. You rolled your eyes. You set your phone down on your dresser, putting it on speaker. “You know with how woke you are i’m surprised you don’t believe in being polygamy,” You said. You shoved your jeans down to your ankles, stepping out of them. You glanced up at a photo of you at graduation, Nova occupying your side. Her caramel skin was always polished and soft, her soft brown eyes always lit up in a smile during photographs. Her hair framed her face just right, giant curls practically bouncing in the picture.

“It’s not that I don’t, I just don’t see you being the polyamorous type,” Nova told you. You shoved off your shirt, tossing it aside carelessly. “If you’re so worried why don’t you go with me?” You suggested. You knew Nova would immediately decline, you just wondered what excuse she would come up with this time. The two of you ran with two very different crowds. Hers more professional, yours more wild. “You know I don’t have time for that right now. Winston just disappeared. Godwin couldn’t wait to throw this case in my lap,” She sighed. You began putting on the dress, struggling to put your arms through the complicated arm holes.

“Yeah? Why’s that?” You asked, trying to sound out together as you put your neck through the wrong hole. You awkwardly shifted on your feet, questioning why you bought this dreaded thing in the first place. “There’s a bunch of murders he thought were connected by some weird symbol. All of them have been gruesome. The chopped up bodies have all been dismembered the same way,” Nova informed you. You grinned as you finally managed to maneuver the dress, admiring yourself in the mirror. “Dude i’m going out to eat in like fifteen,” You reminded her.

“Yeah yeah my bad. I forget regular citizens don’t interact with this kind of stuff,” She said. You refrained from rolling your eyes, reminding yourself she wasn’t being egotistical. She just lived in her own world a majority of the time. You picked your phone up off of the dresser, taking her off of speaker before putting the phone up to your ear. “Well do you think Winston was onto something?” You suggested. Nova seemed to ponder it for a moment before responding. “You know I thought he ran away with his mistress but you’re onto something. He must’ve been on the right track,” She said.

“Most detectives don’t disappear overnight with their wallet still at home,” You reminded her. News headlines had been broadcasting Lewis Winston’s disappearance all morning. “Look at you becoming a little detective. You gotta get your degree so we can become partners,” Nova chuckled. You smiled, pulling on a pair of shoes. “Let me star in at least one blockbuster hit before you force me to change career paths,” You replied. You admired yourself in the mirror, ignoring your antsy nerves. How long had it truly been since you had been out on your own?

“You know i’ll be in the front row of the premiere. Maybe your hitchhiker boyfriends will be there too,” She laughed. Nova meant it as a harmless joke, but the idea alone made you incredibly flustered. “Yeah yeah very funny, i’m going to go have dinner with my hitchhiker boyfriends now,” You told her, guiding the conversation to end.

“Uh huh. Call me if your hitchhiker boyfriends are killers!”

You took your friend’s warning as a joke, but looking back, you should’ve taken her advice.

—> chapter two

[soft-pine]

spn20rewatch: 2.20 what is and what should never be

this has got to be in my top ten episodes of all time! there is so much i love about it! it has my favorite favorite scene and then my other FAVORITE FAVORITE SCENE!!!

but before we get there it has some wonderful dean character moments.

dean's confused, withdrawn, performative kiss with carmen!

this whole scene watching his face go from performance to confusion and worry and back and forth! he is so funny and i love him so much!

but this is also a cruel foreshadowing that the next two kisses dean has are him specifically sacrificing himself and his body as a means to an end.

but we're not there yet so let's just bask in THIS!

DEAN: Well, who'd'a thought, baby. We're civilians.

or THIIISSSSS!!!

DEAN Dad's dead? And the thing that killed him was a... MARY A stroke. He died in his sleep. You know that. DEAN That's great.

or the way dean is so fucking happy to see jess and it's heartbreakingly sweet!

there is also so much that can be said about how even in dean's "dream world," he's the family fuck-up. he's never really thought much about his own future or himself but the best thing he can picture is his family (or most of them, HA!) alive and happy and safe. and i think there's a component of this where he has to remove himself (and John) in order to imagine it being possible. gutting honestly.

season two opens with dean yelling at john (though john can't hear him) and ends with dean crying at john's grave. i'm interested in the shared threads between these two iterations.

2.01

DEAN: I've done everything you have ever asked me. Everything. I have given everything I've ever had.

2.20

DEAN: Course I know what you'd say. Well, not the you that played softball but... "So go hunt the Djinn. He put you here, it can put you back. Your happiness for all those people's lives, no contest. Right?" But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero?

the speech in 2.20 is actually one of the very best explanations i feel we ever get for dean's relationship with john. because the issue is not only that john forced dean into hunting, it's that hunting saves people. like dean can rail against john and against his childhood that was stolen and against his future that will be stolen and against all the cruelty and harshness and ways he was parentified and it was subtly reinforced that his life literally mattered less than sam's or than strangers. but hunting does save people, goddammit and dean both cares so deeply about that on his own that many of these sacrifices would be freely chosen and he cannot fully hate or distance himself from his father because so much of what john did was actually just straightforwardly good.

abuse is messy. i think john winchester's characterization is perfect, actually.

dean can much more easily put to rest a father who played softball than a father who "got a bum rap around every turn. But you know what? He kept going. And in the end, he did a hell of a lot more good than he did bad." (8.12)

like dean has to remove himself and john from their family's lives to picture their family getting a happy life. but for it to feel easy, he also has to make this father one who just worked at a body shop (i'm extrapolating) and played softball.

so yes, okay this episode is a nonstop thrill ride of beautiful, cute, wonderful dean moments and utter heartbreak. so of course, the next thing i have to say is THAT THIS SCENE IS SO FUCKING CUTE!!!!! i can't stand it! (rip to the "I know how it sounds" that i didn't squeeze in because it was too long. because that line just kills me !!!!!)

but look look look!!!! he's so smooth and cunty AHHH

so it follows that what comes next is heartbreak. dean wants a future where mary is alive, where jess is alive, where sam is happy and safe and in college and alive. and it's not real and he can't have it and it will kill him but he wants to stay. so he stabs himself in the heart.

and in the next episode sam dies anyway.

... well here we are, this is already so long and i haven't even talked about my actual favorite scene. which also, i think, happens to be my favorite scene in all of supernatural....

Dean realizing one of the other of the djinn's victims is still alive and catching her as sam cuts her free.

DEAN: I gotcha. I gotcha. We're gonna get you out of here, OK? I gotcha. I got you.

the way the fact that he's in pain and weak and drained is layered throughout the desperate care in his voice here.... besties i don't have words...

all hail 2.20

[trashcanfanfics]

i would like to ask an imagine ir headcannons about Alastor, Angel Dust, Husk, Vox and Blitzø when their s/o tells them "i love you" for the first time

I think I did something like this for Alastor and Vox in an overlord headcanon ask but I'll do them for Angel, Husk, and Blitz :)

Edit: I can't fuckin believe I forgot Husk goddammit

Angel Dust:

You were tired after a very long day of just trying to go to the store to stock up the hotel kitchen. Charlie had unfortunately made you the unlucky soul to go out to do it. You found it hard to hate her, but in this moment you disliked her extremely. The car you'd been loaned was stolen and you had to try and carry everything back on your own. No one from the hotel was answering their phone, except your boyfriend who was on the other side of the Pentagram for a show. So you were on your own and completely fucked.

Hours later, you've been in several fights over these groceries and hit with the car that was stolen from you, but you finally made it to the hotel. Up the steps and stumbling your way to the kitchen, you think about how to ease your aching body.

The groceries put away, and a new list for tomorrow to get the things you'd lost/went bad in the time it took to get home, you flop on your bed with a groan. A few minutes later you fell asleep.

You woke up to a commotion. Groggy, you sat up and winced at the ache in all of your limbs. The noises sounded distant, like it was in the lobby, but loud enough to rouse you from a fitful nap. You stood with a slight stumble to go see what it could be, and to possibly tell whoever it is to shut the fuck up.

On the stairs, you heard Angel's voice yelling and more angry than you've ever known him to be. Charlie's voice came softer, trying to mediate between the other angry voice. It seemed like Vaggie and Angel were going at it again. You made your way slowly down the stairs, wincing at the pain in your feet and knees from your little adventure today.

"You fucks! You sent them out to get some stupid fuckin' groceries and you don't even make sure they're okay after they called you so many fuckin' times!" All four of his arms were waving around and his eyes were slightly bloodshot from the exertion of yelling at the top of his lungs. Vaggie looked ready to kill him again, and with a bit of shame mixed into her expression.

"Angel, I'm sure they're fine--" Charlie was cut off by Angel's yelling once again.

"They aren't answerin' their phone! None of you assholes have seen 'em! If they're so fuckin' fine then where the goddamn fuck are they?!" He stops a moment to catch his breath. "Where are they?" His voice changed from anger to desperation. His four shoulders slumped as he looked at the ground. You cleared your throat.

"Uh, Angel?" You voice was rough from the nap. He whipped around, the movement causing you to sway with dizziness. "Woah..." Angel hurried over to you and grabbed you up in all his arms, squeezing you tight.

"Oh my god, I thought something happened to you!" He pulled back to look at you, your eyes tired, your limbs limp, scratches and cuts and forming bruises. "Why...Why are you so banged up?" You blinked and looked at him before shaking your head.

"I'm tired." You had barely said the sentence before Angel scooped you up and took you back upstairs. Vaggie's distant huff of annoyance and Charlie's "glad you're okay!" were the last things from the conversation as Angel took you back to your room.

Thanks for carrying me, babe." You were placed on your soft bed and Angel made quick work of taking off your shoes. He didn't answer as he went to the connected bathroom. You heard the faucet start before you saw him enter the room again. "Angel?"

"Why didn't you answer your phone?" His voice sounded angry, but in a hollow way. Not accusatory, not really. It sounded worried, haunted almost. He made his way to you and helped you out of your shirt. "I called you. A lot." Your heart ached worse than the rest of your body at the small tone.

"It was broken when some of the groceries were stolen." You pointed to the night stand, where you placed the broken remnants of your poor phone. Angel glared at it like it was the one to blame for everything wrong in his life. He helped you get out of the rest of your clothes and into the tub.

"Let me help." He grabbed a rag and cleaned your scratches and cuts. His hands were gentle and he apologized softly every time you winced. He helped dry you off and bandaged the worse of the cuts before allowing you to change into fresh underwear and pajamas.

You two were cuddled up in your bed. His arms gently around you and your head in his fluff. Angel had been soft and quiet this entire time. It made you think that he probably thought something more serious had happened. You thought about the last thing you said to him before he left to work. "Get going, bitch" wasn't what you would want to leave him with.

"Hey, you still up?" Angel only groaned in response and you decided to continue. "I want you to know that I love you." Angel only held you tighter at your words. You knew he reciprocated and you snuggled up closer before falling into a better sleep.

Blitz:

All day you wanted to talk to him. All day you waited patiently for him to be done with work. He just kept getting busy. You hadn't even gotten more than a "hi" with a small peck. Normally that'd satisfy you, you would be fine all day with that. Today was different. Today was exactly 666 days since you started dating. You'd been counting and wanted to do a silly anniversary like all the other dumb couples.

"I can't even be mad at him." You flopped on your couch. "He wasn't counting with me. This was just me being sentimental." You rolled over and curled on your side. It felt ridiculous to be upset about it. Childish. A ping from your phone dragged you out of your wallowing for a second. You picked it up.

Blitz Baby <3: Wanna get takout tnite

You: Are you asking a question?? Or is this you demanding??

Blitz Baby <3: Asking

You: Then yes ;*

Blitz Baby <3: ;* ;* ;*

You giggled, feeling a little bit better. Maybe you two could finally watch that movie you'd been wanting to for a while. A newfound excitement filled you. You loved things like this. Nights in, watching movies or playing games or even just talking. Simple, just you two. Intimacy in the best way. You're sure Blitz felt the same. He seemed to really enjoy both your alone time together.

The both of you communicated a time and decided to chill at your place this time. You'd gotten the food, cleaned up a little, got into the nicest comfy clothes you had. Everything was set and perfect and cozy. There was even a pillow fort and plenty of blankets. You were buzzing with excitement when you heard your phone pinged.

Blitz Baby <3: Mite hv t reshcedg som thn came up

You: Aw what?? :( Okay...

Blitz Baby <3: Gimme liek 30 min I try tmak it short

You: Okay

Somehow you knew this was going to happen. It always did when you wanted to hang out. Work took him too long, you had your own job, his thing with the owl prince. Too many things got in the way. But you were stubborn and had the attitude that if something wanted to take him from you, it'd have to pry him from your cold dead hands. Tonight that was kinda squandered.

Hours had gone by and still no sign from him. No text, no call, no knock on the door. Nothing. A part of you was worried something happened; the rest was just upset. Not at him, but the universe. You were laying on your couch, pillow fort taken down in a fit of sadness. Only a few pillows were allowed to stay to help comfort you. You put his food in the fridge and ate most of yours already. A little bit was saved because he liked to eat some of your plate like he liked to feed you some of his.

A knock at your door roused you from your almost sleep. You sniffed and rolled off the couch to head towards the door. Attempting to rub the redness from your eyes, you curse yourself for allowing yourself a small cry over some arbitrary thing you made up. A giant bouquet was shoved into your face.

"What the--!" You grab the offending flowers and look to the criminal responsible for the attack. There, stood in the hallway of your apartment building, was your boyfriend. "Blitz what the fuck? I thought you were busy?" His cat like grin grew on his face as he slithered by you into your apartment.

"Well, I was but, y'know." He went to the fridge and pulled out the food, popping it into the microwave. You grabbed your scissors to cut the ends at an angle only to find they'd already been cut. Blitz handed you a vase.

"You wanna watch a movie?" You put the water filled vase on the table and discard the wrapper on the flowers. "I've got that we talked about one in the dvd player already." The microwave beeped as he agreed with a hum.

"The flowers really go with the paint." They didn't but you appreciate the thought. You both left them to their vase and awful puke green wall paint.

The couch was still kind of warm from your sad wallowing earlier. You curled up to an arm on one side as he snuggled up beside you, feeding you bites every so often. Your arm was around his shoulders. The movie was some B-list horror about lake fungus coming alive and mutating the wildlife. It was probably some sort of message about saving nature or some shit, but it was funny and full of camp.

"I wanted to tell you something, by the way." You set your head on one of his huge horns. "It's kinda dumb."

"Yeah, so are a lot of things." He didn't move his head, but lifted up a forkful of whatever he was eating. "Shoot." You took the bite and chewed slowly, thinking over how you wanted to word this without sounding like the dumbest bitch in Hell.

"Today was a stupid little thing that I wanted to celebrate." You started. You felt him tense up. "It wasn't major, more like a fun thing that doesn't mean anything." You've said "thing" too many times. Abort! Abort!

"Well, what was it?" He finally moved so he could look at at you. You looked down and back to the tv. A breath or two and you thought more about what you wanted to say.

"It's been exactly 666 days since we started dating and I thought that was funny so I wanted to celebrate it like an anniversary." You stared at the credits rolling on the screen. "It doesn't matter, it was kinda dumb." You shrugged your shoulders. Blitz gently grabbed your face and made you look at him.

"I counted the days too." He admitted with a small smile, his brows knitted together. "It's kinda why I wanted to hang out today." He flops back into your side. You let out a small "oof". He fed you another bite of food before tossing the empty container onto the coffee table. The imp wiggled around to get comfy. You laughed a little and laid down so you'd both be comfy. Arms wrapped around each other, you couldn't be happier.

"I love you." You blurted after a few moments of silently tracing his white spot. Looking down, you saw Blitz already asleep. "Jesus Christ it's only been a minute." You let out a sigh of amused exasperation. That sentence can be used tomorrow to make it hard for him to leave for work in the morning.

Husk:

All day had been a living nightmare. You hadn't had the chance to sit longer than a minute at any given time. Charlie had her hands full with her and Vaggie's visit to the center of the Pride Ring. Some family reunion; the news was covering every appearance of another Prince of Hell and their immediate family. With the Pride Princess's attention elsewhere, she left most of the paper work to you. Today was full of talking with contractors and running around to get materials for the fixing of the Hotel. You'd been cussed out, smacked, overloaded, looked down on, and laughed at. In other words, you were overwhelmed and exhausted. All you wanted to do was curl up and sleep, maybe even cry.

Husk watched you run in and out the entire day. He'd seen how you looked worse and worse as the minutes ticked by. There was a pang in his chest every time you would do a half wave with a tired smile every time you passed him. He hated to see you so overworked. If he remembered correctly, Alastor was supposed to be doing half the work you were trying to juggle. Said asshole was smiling smugly in the shadows, watching you struggle with sadistic glee. Husk could feel the sticky air that hung around the red bastard nearby. It pissed him off, and Alastor knew it. That was worse.

"Finally done?" Husk grumbled out as you threw down a stack of paperwork you still had to do and sat on a bar stool. He glared at the documents. You sighed and laid your head on the cool, polished wood of the bar top. Husk winced at the way your back cracked as you went basically boneless. He poured you a cup of orange juice. A book somewhere said something about orange slices being a good idea after sports; this was the closest thing he had. The exhaustion on your face was heartbreaking as you looked at the glass.

"I don't want to exist right now." Your mumbled wish was emphasized by a small sniff. Husk put his clawed hand on your head and gave you a small scratch. You always did that when he was feeling down, maybe this could help you too. A small sigh of bliss was a good encouragement.

"What a heartwarming moment! I didn't think you had it in you, Husker!" The bane of your existence finally decided to show himself. You groaned at his loud voice interrupting the small bit of calm you were enjoying. The Radio Demon sat down next to you and threw an arm around your tired form.

"Go fuck yourself, you bastard." Husk threw Alastor's arm off you. Static popped as Alastor fixed his hair nonchalantly. You gave your lover a tired smile of appreciation. His undead heart ached at the sight.

"Now, now, no need to be crass!" The ever smiling demon laughed, making you wince. Husk's ears flattened as his anger flared. "If they wanted to be left alone, all they'd need to do is ask." That seemed to be the final straw for the cat.

"The only reason they're too tired to even be near you is because you're an asshole who loves to watch people suffer!" Husk pointed a claw at the red menace. His tail thrashed behind him, wings puffed up to make him look bigger. "Not only that, you're even more exhausting today because of your fuckin' smug face. You know you were supposed to help them today but you enjoy causing people misery more than you like controlling everything so you decided to hide in the shadows like the piece of shit you are!" You raised your head at Husk's outburst, jaw hung open. You'd never seen your boyfriend so mad.

"Husk--" You tried to comfort or calm him down. The last this you wanted was for Alastor decide to torture Husk over one bad day. Alastor's smile grew more amused at every word. Husk's glare grew with it. The deer demon threw his arm around your shoulders again and pulled you to his side.

"Would you look at that! You see how your loverboy raises his hackles! What a show, don't you think dear?" His grip tightened on you as you tried to push him away. You didn't have the energy to tell him off today, nor the strength to shove him off his stool, it seemed. Husk growled.

"Get your. Fuckin' hands. Off them." Husk's words were said through gritted teeth. Alastor was about to say something but Husk hissed at him. You felt like you were sitting in the middle of a vortex. They were both staring each other down with an intensity you'd never seen before. Miraculously, Alastor let you go and stood up.

"Fine, fine, I suppose I should be getting to work, anyhow." And with a snap of the deer's fingers, he was gone, along with the paperwork you'd placed on the bar top. A sigh slipped from your lips as you placed your head back down in relief. You really thought you were about to witness Husk's second death. It took the last bit of energy you had.

"Sorry 'bout that." Husk rounded the bar and gently scooped you into his arms. "Didn't mean to make you feel worse." You only groaned in response as you rested your head against his chest. He carried you upstairs and to his room.

Husk's room was the same design as yours when you first got here. A standard red wallpaper with dark wood furniture, red sheets and dim lighting. He hadn't bothered to change it, other than some of your clothes littering the floor. There were a few knickknacks you'd given him, some from his apartment. He'd always act aloof or uninterested when you'd give him something in the beginning of your relationship, but you knew he liked them.

"Wait here." He gently placed you on the bed. You basically moaned as you sank into the soft mattress. He left the room and you heard his footsteps retreat down the hall. You used this time to take off your shoes and get comfier in the bed. The weight of your eyelids caused you to close them.

Husk re-entered the room, the sound of the door clicking back closed making you open your eyes again. He walked over to you and offered the glass of orange juice from earlier. You smiled and sat up a bit to drink some of it.

"Husk." Your eyes blinked slowly before looking up at him with a slightly bigger, tired smile. "I love you." The words made him tense up. He looked at the lamp across the room, his tail twitched at the end and wings fluffed up then back down. You waited patiently for his response. He fidgeted a bit more before looking at you then back down at the half empty cup in your hand.

"You should sleep, you look exhausted." He gently too the cup from you and set it on the nightstand. You laid back down and he went to turn off the light and draw the curtains. It left you in near darkness. You tensed slightly when you felt him crawl up beside you, but soon relaxed. He pulled you into his gentle embrace and covered you both with a wing as his tail curled over your thigh. A gentle purr lulled you into a much needed sleep.

"Love you too." The grumbled words were the last thing you registered before rest fully took over.

[wynnyfryd]

Trailer park Steve AU part 14

part 1 | part 13 | ao3

fuckin' finally some FLUFF

Dinner is awkward.

It’s awkward, Steve thinks as he spears a Brussels sprout with more force than strictly necessary, because Dustin promised that it was just going to be the three of them tonight, and now he’s sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with his leather-clad metalhead neighbor.

It went like this: Steve showed up at the Henderson’s front door with a pie plate and a two-liter of Grapico under his arm, looking like a dork on picture day in his best jeans and a nice polo with his hair actually combed for once, and he lifted his hand to knock only to be greeted by Eddie throwing the door open and hollering, “Be right back, Henderson! Gotta grab— oh, shit.” 

And then, more eloquently, “Uh…” 

Uh. Like Steve was the one unexpectedly crashing the party.

Steve stabs another sprout. 

They’ve been bumbling through stilted small talk about work and school and weekend plans for what feels like a painfully long time, and Eddie has his elbows on the table — didn’t even bother to take his jacket off because he was apparently raised in a barn — and it’s basically dinner with Barb’s parents all over again. 

This is finger-lickin’ good.  

God. Get him out of here.

“Okay,” Dustin cuts through the stalled-out silence in the room. He jabs an accusatory fork into the air, pointing between the two of them and narrowing his eyes. “You two are being weird.” 

Eddie startles dumbly, and Steve just says, “Hmm?”

“You.” He aims the fork at Steve. “Are being.” It moves to Eddie; back to Steve. “Weird. What’s going on? I thought you two were getting along now.” 

Steve dabs his mouth with his napkin. Wow. Okay. So they’re doing this now.

Eddie either doesn’t get the memo or just decides to rip it up, because instead of being honest he throws on a theatrical smile and flings an arm around Steve’s shoulders, proclaiming, “Of course we are! C’monnn. Me and this guy?” He reaches up to give Steve a gentle noogie. Steve wonders if you can get a more lenient sentence if the guy you murdered really, really deserved it. “Thick as thieves.” 

Claudia smiles fondly.

Dustin’s not buying it. “You’re so full of shit, you know that?”

“Dusty!” Claudia gasps. She gives him a stern look as she tops off her wine glass, then leans over to do the same for Steve and Eddie’s glasses, too. “Stevie, honey, don’t listen to him,” she soothes. “I think it’s sweet. It’s good to see you with some boyfriends your own age.”

Dustin chokes at her word choice, and Steve blushes to his ears. 

Eddie’s arm tightens around his shoulders. “Yeah, Stevie,” he smirks, leaning in a little closer. “We’re great boyfriends, aren’t we?” 

“Oh, yeah,” Dustin joins in, “best boyfriends I’ve ever seen.” 

Surely murder’s just murder, right? Like, from a sentencing perspective? Does it matter how many people you off, or do you just get thirty-to-life regardless?

“Steve, tell mom more about your boyfriend.”

Steve chugs his glass of wine.

—

The conversation turns to less embarrassing topics after that, the words flowing more easily now that everyone’s warmed up with wine and making fun of Steve. Claudia asks what everyone’s doing for Halloween, and Dustin tells her that Eddie and Steve are taking the boys trick-or-treating in the neighborhood with the good candy bars (which was news to Steve, goddammit), and that leads to a discussion of costume plans. 

Dustin and Mike are going as a pair again, Marty and Doc from Back to the Future. Lucas is doing his own thing, but he's "totally delusional if he thinks a costume is gonna win Max back." Steve doesn’t really have a costume this year, so he’ll probably just pull some sweats out of the closet, throw a whistle around his neck and go as a basketball coach, and Eddie, surprisingly, has the lowest effort costume of them all. 

“Oh, I’m going as a vampire,” he says when Claudia asks. He reaches into his pocket, pulls out some cheap plastic teeth and pops them into his mouth. “Ta-daaa.”

Steve wrinkles his nose. “You just carry those around?” 

“Isn’t it awesome?” Dustin asks.

“Not really, no. It’s not.” 

“But S’theeeve,” Eddie lisps around the fangs. The wine’s made him weirder, playful and too-friendly and berry pink in the cheeks. He holds his sleeve in front of his face like a vampire hiding behind a cape and drawls, “I vant to s’thuck your bloood.”

Steve vants to jump out the window. “I’m gonna go serve the pie.” 

—

part 15

tags below the cut, comment if you want me to tag you tomorrow 🩷

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[aquatic-armageddons]

Team "Whore"tress 2

CW: Not well proofread, foul language, unprotected p in v, double penetration, deepthroating, cunnilingus and tit fucking

---

Today was supposed to be Y/N's day, a day she'd been planning for since she joined the RED team. She'd even been grilling them about it when it was steadily approaching. Days like this were supposed to be happy, cheery and all around memorable.

But who would have thought it'd end in sheer hurt and disappointment?

Y/N just wanted at least one birthday wish, just one tiny gesture that shows her how much she is cared about, but apparently, that was too much to ask for.

The team acted like they never knew and just went about their normal business. And when Y/N tried to speak to them about her special day, she was not even allowed to finish her words, as they grew aggravated with the constant pestering.

"Goddammit, Y/N! Can't you stop getting on my case?! I do not want to hear what you gotta say right now!" Medic exclaimed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Medic, I didn't mean to-"

"You have been getting on everyone's final nerve, Y/N." Spy interjected. "Do you not know the meaning of the word 'humility'?"

"But I just wanted to tell you-"

"Tell us what?" Sniper chided. "That you're sorry for nearly costing us a battle today?"

"But I-"

"Enough! Tiny girl should stop. Go to some other place, now!" Heavy barked loudly, making Y/N quiver and shrink into herself.

"Fine." Y/N growled bitterly to herself, try desperately to choke back the salty tears from her eyes, unsuccessfully.

After she left, tension lingered for the other mercenaries to embrace. Soldier and Demo exchanged worried glances, as well as Engineer and Pyro.

"You guys ever stop to think why she's acting like that?" Scout questioned.

"Why should we?" Medic muttered. "It's not like it's so important that we can't wait."

Scout shook his head in exasperation. "You all are so fuckin' stupid, I swear. Do I gotta spell it out for you?"

Demo cocked his head to the side. "Please do, 'cause I don't get why the poor lass has her panties in a bunch."

It was at this moment when Scout snapped a little. "It's her goddamn birthday, dumbasses! I was the only one who remembered, and you all forgot?! God, you seriously piss me the fuck off!" He shook his head in disappointment.

Everyone's face paled as the weight of their mistake sunk in rapidly. An uncomfortable pang of hurt coursed through their hearts, and they made no attempt to hide the shame on their expressions.

"Scout cannot be serious.. " Heavy whispered.

"This is not April Fool's Day, maggot. Why are you messing with us now?" Soldier blurted.

"Why would I make this up, you guys? Does the poor girl mean nothing to you at all?" He looked at him with a cold stare.

"You're wrong, mate. She means everything to us." Sniper griped.

"Then we gotta fix this. Now."

---

A knock on Y/N's door echoed through the hall of dorms. The only noises audible from the other side was her soft cries and sniffles.

God, this was heart-wrenching to its core.

"Mon chéri, may we come in?" Spy spoke tactfully.

"Go away..."

"C'mon, little lady. We just wanna talk, that's all." Engineer pressed.

The door suddenly swung open to reveal an agitated Y/N. Her eyes were bloodshot from the many tears, and her face was slightly flushed and puffy.

"What's there to talk about?! I've been reminding you bastards for WEEKS, and you just up and forgot! You don't get to come here now like you give a damn!" Y/N's throat clenched up as a new set of tears fell.

"Fraulein, please!" Medic pleaded with her. "We're sorry, sweetie. Is there any way we can make it up to you?"

Y/N thought for only a moment. "You guys really want to prove you're sorry?"

"Da, more than anything!" Heavy exclaimed.

"Alright, then. Prove it."

"But how, lass?" Demo urged.

"Use your imagination..."

The other mercenaries' eyes grew wide with understanding as Y/N slowly removed her blouse. Even though she didn't speak another word, the message was obvious.

"I believe I should go first, short stuff. Since I'm the only one who remembered, right?" Scout whispered in Y/N's ear, sending a chill down her spine.

Scout gently pressed his lips against hers, but soon after initiated a deep, passionate makeout session. His lips then traveled down towards the nape of her neck as he deeply inhaled her scent. Y/N shuddered as she felt Pyro's hands grasp onto her backside, gently kneading and massaging.

Sniper slipped his fingers underneath the waistband of Y/N's bottoms, his fingers gently teasing her clit. They circled the hardened nub with ease, making Y/N more soaked than she was before. He then slowly removed his hand and sucked on his fingertips, not breaking his eye contact with her for a second.

"Fuck, Sheila. You taste bloody gorgeous...but I'd rather eat this straight from the source if you don't mind..."

Sniper laid back down on the bed beside him, beckoning Y/N to give him a better taste of her juices. She happily complied, taking off her bottoms and slowly climbing towards Sniper's head.

"Go on, Y/N." Heavy stated. "Give Sniper a taste of wet, juicy pussy."

She didn't need to be told twice. Slowly lowering her lips above Sniper's, she let out a shaky moan as he swiped his thick tongue across her folds. Sniper growled in satisfaction, wrapping his arms around Y/N's thighs, locking her in place. She tilted her head back as she rode his face, running her fingers through his hair.

After getting a better taste of her, Sniper switched positions and laid her on her back, spreading her thighs while apart. He beckoned Spy over, silently telling him to get a taste of her sweet cunny.

"Go on, mate. It's the best tastin' cunt you'll ever have..." He groaned.

Spy hummed in compliance, lowering his head and attaching his face to hers. Y/N arched her back and moaned shamelessly, jaw stacking and saliva dribbling out of her mouth. Even though she shut her eyes, it didn't stop Spy from savagely devouring her cunt.

She felt the bed's weight dip on both sides of her head. She opened her eyes to see Soldier's hard cock on her left side and Engie's on her right. Taking one in each hand, Y/N began stroking slowly, illiciting a groan from both men.

"Damn, honey..." Engie began. "You sure know how to use those hands, don't you?"

"She sure does, Engie!" Soldier bit his lip as Y/N licked his cock from base to tip, swirling the tip with her tongue. He ran his fingers through her hair as he suddenly thrusted down her throat, making her gag.

"Let's see how these tits fit around my cock, lass..." Demo climbed over Y/N's torso, placing himself in between her breasts. He let a sliver of saliva dribble down onto his cock and thrusted back and forth, earning himself a satisfied moan.

"You're not one to lie, Bushman. She tastes quite wonderful..." Spy agreed, licking her juices from his mouth, like observing the taste of fine wine. "Scout, get one with her, would you? You said you were first, yes? And it is rude to keep people waiting."

"Fine, you rat." Scout hissed. "But I'm taking my time here, unlike you forgetful fucks."

He and Y/N swapped places, and he laid himself on his back. Y/N didn't hesitate to slam herself onto his shaft, causing both of them to moan out in unison. Scout grasped onto Y/N's behind, guiding her on his cock as she bounced up and down.

"Lean onto Scout, Devushka." Heavy insisted. "I will take your behind." Y/N did as instructed, and felt Heavy's massive member tease her backdoor. She began to cry out in slight pain, earning a scowl from Medic.

"Gott, mein friend! You need to prep the poor girl before fucking her there!" Medic scolded.

Heavy rolled his eyes. "Da, da, doctor."

He spit onto his fingers, making them well lubricated before inserting them into Y/N's backside. Y/N cried out again, but with more pain than pleasure. Her moans grew louder as Heavy slid himself inside her, making her holes completely occupied.

"Isn't this a sight to see?" Spy stated with a chuckle. "This is far better than any verbal apology we can give, and you know it, Mon chéri."

A few minutes passed and at least everyone's had a round with Y/N's throat, tits, pussy and behind. But that wasn't the icing on the cake, at least not yet.

Y/N kneeled on the floor as she was surrounded by all nine mercenaries, her mouth open and tongue sticking out, longing for the last of their seed to cover her face.

"Fuck!"

One after the other, they released the last of their essence onto Y/N's face and down her throat. Her hair was a sticky, white mess, as well as the rest of her body. Her pussy and backside were sore, her lips were slightly swollen and her eyes were still bloodshot from the tears of pleasure she wept. She would have passed out then and there, but Medic scooped her up, carrying her to the bathroom a few feet away.

"Fraulein, we truly are sorry for not remembering your special day. Do you forgive us?" He whimpered as he placed her in the tub, turning the dial to hot.

"You guys are so silly. I forgave you the moment you knocked on my door earlier!" Y/N smirked. She let out a deep sigh of relief when settling in the bath, the hot water easing her sore spots.

"Good. Because the last thing we want is to have any more tension in the base." Spy noted.

"But I'm glad you're feeling better, and we promise not to forget your special days anymore. Isn't that right, gentlemen?"

---

A/N: THE LONG WAIT IS FINALLY OVER!!!!

I want to apologize for not releasing this when I said I would. I don't like going back on my word at all, but I wanted to recover from my illness (a little) before completing this. Last night was absolutely horrible for my lungs and stomach (coughing for a straight hour, hacking up phlegm and puking as well 🙃🤢). But I'm feeling a lot better today, and I plan on seeing my doctor this week. In the meantime, please let me know what you think and send me asks for what headcanons/fanfics you wish to see in the future!!!!

[ddollfface]

There's just something about... a silent yandere, who's constantly overthinking, that gives me an eerie feeling. You never know what they're thinking, but you know that something's brewing in that mind of theirs, and it sure as hell isn't anything good.

They're smart, no doubt, that was clear the moment you met them. The way they hold themselves just gives off an air of natural intelligence, something they were gifted the moment they spoke their first word. And they've kept that same energy throughout their whole life, until they met you, you, you.

The moment they met you, for the first time in their life, they had no idea what they were doing. They had no control over their breathing. Their heart pound through their ribcage in a rhythmic bum, bum, bum. Their palms become sweaty and the hairs on the back of their necks begin to stand, causing their brain to go foggy and all rational thinking to go out the window. No doubt, you were something different, something they'd never encountered before. And they had no idea what to do.

You made them feel weak in the knees, and they couldn't think of a way to stop it. At first, they thought to avoid you at all costs, only to find that an ach in their chest began to form. This feeling in the pit of their stomach opened up their heart, and it burned, searing through their flesh, and they began to cry.

What the hell have you done to them, Goddamnit! All rationality wasn't found and was replaced with an insufferable need to talk to you, to touch you, and to consume you. They wanted to know everything about you; why you don't you like math? What's your favorite color? Do you want kids, they sure want your babies, if only she had a dick...

What?

What the hell is wrong with them? They must've gone mad... but they're far too gone to rationalize what they're feeling, so they decided to follow along with their heart, ignoring the impending feeling in their head, telling them to run away.

As each day passes, they grow closer, and closer to you, finding more reasons to stay near. They found that they like you, everything about you. And now, instead of wanting to run away, she wants to be as close as possible. She wants to be your best friend, the person you turn to when shit hits the fan, she wants to be your girlfriend...

If only you'd wake up and realize that your friend in fact does not want to go on a date with Javier. That she is in fact not interested in Daniel, or Owen, or Chuy, or Carlos- Goddammit! Can't you get it through your thick skull!? She wants you, you idiot!

Who knew someone so smart could be so dumb. She surely didn't because sitting here, listening to you talk, she's realized that you're utterly oblivious. For the past seven years, she's been giving you hints as to her sexuality, but instead of taking the hint and waking the hell up, you've decided that she's unlucky in love... Yeah, right... You've taken her love life into your hands and have made the decision to set her up on multiple, and I mean multiple, blind dates with far too many men to count. Each and every time the topic comes up, she tries to divert it away from her barren, and honestly sad, love life towards something far more interesting like the haircut you got last week, or the recent Kardashian drama. But nope, you don't want to hear it, instead babbling on and on about some new guy you've met, who would be the "perfect" fit for her. If only you knew... Maybe there's something about the way you seem too enthusiastic about setting her up, or the way you know so much about these men, that gets her riled up to the point where her knuckles turn white and her smile becomes taught. You're completely oblivious to the storm that's brewing, going on and on as you take a sip of your warm beverage, sitting right next to her. Her eyes drift down to your lips, which haven't stopped moving since the two of you walked into the cafe. And, without thinking, she grabs your chin, smashing your lips together, nibbling at your bottom lip. Her tongue piercing rubbing against your upper lip, asking for an entrance. And at that moment- oh You get it now.

[myfairstarlight]

To Have and to Hold - Penelope and Colin's journey to self-love

Companion piece - or one might say part 2 - of An Ode to Friends to Lovers.

Goddammit this was not supposed to be or take this long.

Ahum. Some time has passed, and after sorting through all my thoughts and feelings, here it finally is, my endless ramblings about two friends in love, but not only.

If anyone asks, no I did not take this long to write this post because of the fact that when taking screenshots to illustrate some parts of this analysis I ended up rewatching whole episodes instead.

So, dearest gentle readers, here's my Bridgerton s3 review, with focus on part 2, but looking at the season as a whole too; the highlights, the let downs, and polin's full love story, let's dive in, shall we?

The one thing I really liked about s3, something the other seasons could not do, is how so much is structured around parallels and callbacks to previous seasons, in the narration and in the visuals, for both Penelope and Colin. It is the advantage of having a main couple who's been here from the start, and with them, many other characters get weaved into their story, more particularly in part 2. I think that's why I personally did not mind the fact we did not get flashback sequences, unlike previous seasons (although I would have loved to see baby Colin and Penelope meeting... perhaps with Edmund and Violet watching them play and noting how they were childhood friends as well...) And what can I say? I'm a sucker for parallels as someone who loves to look at the details and perhaps overthink things.

So before we tackle Penelope and Colin individually and as a pair, let's talk about:

Eloise's love for Penelope

Eloise ends up being the catalyst for this second part, when she was mostly an observer in part 1. In many ways, she parallels Colin. Childhood friends with Penelope, betrayed by the Whistledown reveal, and yet still caring and protecting Penelope in her own way, which also paralleled Colin. And because I can, here's a small list:

Eloise distracting Cressida so she does not bully Penelope (s3e1) / Colin refusing a dance with Cressida to dance with Pen instead (s1e1)

Eloise running after her at the Four Seasons ball after accidentally revealing her and Colin's secret / Colin running after Penelope at the ball in s3e1

Colin visiting Penelope to apologise for his comment last season and offering the lessons to help her find a husband / Eloise visiting her to apologise and wish her the best in her endeavour to find a husband

Colin leaving to travel and find himself at the end of previous seasons but staying now / Eloise now travelling to Scotland to find herself

Now that we have the whole season, you can tell that in part 1, she foreshadowed how Colin would react in part 2, he just goes through her whole journey in a lot less time. See the direct parallel at the beginning of e5 as Eloise yells at Penelope and storms out, then Colin swoops in and comforts her, and then the end of e7, where Colin is the one upset with Penelope and after he storms out, Eloise is there, hugging her best friend and telling her everything will be alright.

When one is absent, the other is there for Penelope, because despite everything they love her and they know that through the years, Penelope has loved and supported them as well, even if she was still hiding this big part of her. Penelope makes Eloise feel listened to, and makes Colin feel seen. She was their safe space as much as they were hers.

Eloise is also the very reason Colin learning about Whistledown goes so wrong. She is the one pressuring Penelope to tell him, and also the one who eventually tells her to never tell him the truth when Cressida comes forward and claims to be Whistledown. Yes, Penelope is definitely still at fault as well for taking so long to tell him, but to her credit she did intend on telling him after publishing one last column discrediting Cressida, before being convinced to give it up by Eloise. And then when Cressida manages to publish something, and Eloise is terrified about what it means considering she just broke off their friendship, it is to protect Eloise from her ire that Penelope takes her quill again and sneaks out to publish, which leads to Colin finding out.

Then comes her scene with Colin as he asks his sister how long she's known, where all the parallels come through.

"Have you already forgiven her?"

"I want to. Do you think you can?"

Colin goes on to say Eloise is lucky that she's never been in love, implying that his love for Penelope makes it that much harder to forgive. However, he fails to understand that Eloise is in love as well, perhaps not in the romantic sense, but she is, or she would not have been this distraught for a year over her falling out with Penelope, and yet always somewhat keeping an eye on her. And just like how eventually, as push comes to shove, she finds her way back to Penelope, Colin will do much the same as a looming threat comes their way.

She and Colin are also similar in their insecurity regarding Penelope's love for them, and in turn Penelope spends a good length of the season reassuring them. She constantly tells Colin she loves him, especially after the reveal so he knows that this part of her was never deceiving. She reassures Eloise that their friendship is just as important as her love for Colin and she doesn't want to lose either of them.

The fascinating thing for me about Eloise when taking into account Polin, is that in part 1 they needed her to be away so Colin and Penelope could spend more time together uninterrupted, leading to Colin realising his feelings. This also applies to season 2 actually! While Eloise was in the hunt for LW and distracted by Theo, that's what allowed Colin and Penelope to have a full proper conversation about their purpose, and I'd argue that the moment Penelope said "my purpose shall set me free", something started to shift in their relationship.

In part 2, without Eloise, I wonder if they would have even been able to come together without any more secret between them, if she hadn't been the one to push Penelope to tell the truth, and then the one to support her while Colin was processing his own feelings.

Penelope's ambitions and womanhood

Penelope's journey to self-confidence continues in part 2, this time in regards to Whistledown as she finally accepts her as a part of her, rather than a mask to hide behind. Enters Genevieve Delacroix, the only character in this show who knows what it means to be a woman with a business. It is no coincidence her scene in e6 comes after Portia's talk of "ladies do not have dreams" and after Eloise convinced Penelope to give up Whistledown, because it is just gossip. She directly opposes them.

In part 1, she helped Penelope be more confident by providing her with a new wardrobe that fits her better, and in part 2, Gen is the very reason Penelope learns to be proud of Whistledown, own up to the mistakes, and yet fully claim her as her.

And then, the final nail in the coffin to me: Cressida, in a red "revenge" dress, shows up at the Mondrich ball, and wields the Whistledown name as Confident by Demi Lovato plays in the background. Cressida stands tall and proud despite the whispers, and I think a part of Penelope truly broke then. If Cressida could exhume such confidence for a body of work which is not even hers, then why can't Penelope be proud of what she's accomplished? This past week has been killing her, she admits it to Gen the eve of her wedding, Colin was a great distraction but giving up Whistledown, putting down her quill, it truly hurt her, and a part of her cannot imagine giving it up again. And so Gen gives her the very advice she needed to hear.

"There is no such thing as true love without embracing your true self."

And look at the contrast before vs after her talk with Gen:

Colin, of course, shares Eloise's point of view, Penelope should just give it up, and to be fair, he's more scared for her safety, since he caught her alone in the street at night, and then the Queen just threatened the family again. But Penelope cannot stand for that anymore, she is tired of running and hiding. That is Penelope having the confidence to truly be herself. By the end of e7, she's fully bloomed into the woman she's always been behind her quill. The irony being that Colin was also the one who helped her embrace that in part 1, as he helped her bring out that part of her that he's always been privileged to.

And in e8, we see her take the reins. Do what must be done to protect the ones she cares about.

So let's talk about Portia now, because she may not have a business per se, but she had to essentially become "the man of the house" to keep her daughters safe and the fortune they have intact. I've seen people say her redemption came out of nowhere but I concur that in part 1, as Penelope's confidence starts to grow and she stands up to her family, Portia is already trying to be a better, supportive mother, and in turn, Prudence and Philippa follow her lead. Portia is a practical woman, not a sentimental one, at least she doesn't let herself be, that we have seen since the beginning of the show, that's why she was reprimanding Penelope for being reckless with her reputation by asking for Colin's help, and then was pushing for the match with Debling, because he was a lord, who could offer stability, and who would be away most of the time, leaving the managing of his estate to his wife, to Portia that is (or rather, was) the ideal life a woman can achieve.

I loved that they had Portia learn about Whistledown before the public reveal, because then she has to truly face the fact that she has overlooked Penelope all this time, the daughter who is most like her, and Portia is also the only one who points out that Penelope has written badly about herself. It forces Penelope to face the fact that in many ways, she truly is her mother's daughter as well.

Portia ends up being the driving force behind Penelope's decision to reveal herself as well, I believe. Because we joke about how Penelope hid so much money in the floor boards while her family was going broke but mind you, she had no idea they were having money problems, because Portia tried to hide it to not worry them, the same way Penelope has kept her Whistledown secret in the misguided belief that it was for the better, that she could handle the weight of it all on her own. By revealing herself to the Queen, she could free Colin from her mess, get away from Cressida's blackmail and, if the Queen doesn't behead her, she can save her family's title thanks to her writing and money.

Portia's and Penelope's mending relationship was the highlight of the season for me, the true redemption I wanted to see and am glad I got. And I want to point out a little sweet moment in the last episode:

After the Whistledown reveal, as Portia comes over to praise her daughter, she notices Colin looking in their direction. I personally believe Penelope told her about the annulment, and this is her way to support her before she sends her off to have that conversation with Colin. Portia, who's never been the affectionate mother before, gently caresses her cheek and calls her "My girl", because no matter the outcome she will always remain her little girl.

The beautiful thing about Penelope's ambitions is that they were driven by the women in her life, that's one strength of this season to me. She was inspired by Eloise's strong opinions she so readily shared, Portia's sometimes ruthless ways in the way she protects her family and herself, and Genevieve's smart business endeavours and passion. And so she cannot, won't give that up for a society who is so unfair to women, ironically because the Queen herself is so harsh on debutantes. And isn't it poetic cinema that she ends up revealing herself, in her own terms, during the very ball she fully funded? And after that, it is Philippa, her family she mended things with, who saves her from embarrassment by releasing the butterflies? And then the very same Philippa who during the epilogue, happily declares that her daughter can grow into a successful writer who might not need a husband, just like her little sister?

Side note again but it is also interesting that in contrast we had the Mondrich subplot, wherein Will has to let go of his bar to be accepted in high society (and he's clearly not happy about it), because the London elites do not work, yet here Penelope is, owning a business approved by the Queen.

Penelope's ambitions, in turn, inspire others. Portia, into allowing herself to be soft, Prudence to be more honest (the pregnancy hormones probably helped too), Philippa to readily consider other paths in life, and Eloise into finally doing something and discover a little bit of the world.

And she inspires another Bridgerton as well.

Penelope's bravery and Colin's envy

The thing about Penelope and Colin, and that has been said before, is that their roles are reversed. In romance shows such as these, the man is usually the one with a hard exterior, with secrets he wishes to keep to himself while the woman is the one who encourages him to open up by loving him. That is literally s1 with Simon and Daphne. And even in some ways, it is also Anthony and Kate, the difference being that Kate was not trying to get Anthony to soften up, she was directly confronting him so he fixes his shit himself (I still have beef with Anthony, good for him for becoming a My Wife guy in s3 but man, the journey there was tough).

Anyway. With Penelope and Colin? Penelope is the one with the secrets, who wishes, at first, for a practical match so she may gain her freedom. Colin is the soft-hearted and romantic one, who although offers the lessons, keeps asking her if she likes any of the suitors she talks to. And then, it shifts again. Not in the literal sense, Colin has no secret after he's dropped his rake façade, but he does become a bit colder after the Whistledown reveal, while Penelope becomes the one reassuring him she loves him, and emphasising their emotional bond after she's gained the confidence to do so and accepted that a love match was still in the cards for her. But now, they must overcome Whistledown, the last obstacle she's been hiding behind.

"Well, if she was hiding behind Whistledown, how come Colin calls her brave even before the reveal?"

Well, I'm glad you asked, imaginary person in my head! Let's dial back a bit again.

I am a firm believer that Colin's envy towards Penelope (and him realising his romantic feelings) actually started back in s2, during their talk about purpose. She was the one leading the conversation then, who knew what her purpose would be, and to him, that is bravery, being true to oneself and knowing your place. And we see how in s3 part 1, Colin resorts to adopting a whole new persona, something Penelope does not do, even after changing her entire wardrobe and facing the Ton's eyes, she remains herself (and she is capable of acting! She effortlessly disguises herself as a maid and fakes an accent when delivering the Whistledown papers), and I think Colin noticed that. She has a new dress, and her hair looks different, but she's still Pen, meanwhile he, on the other hand, is pretending to be someone else. And when the scandal about the lessons came out, Penelope still showed her face when people were still preoccupied by the scandal. Debling says it best:

"Well done."

"For being a fool?"

"For stepping away from the herd, even though you risked becoming a target."

Penelope's bravery and honesty are the very reason Debling is interested in her, rather than in Cressida; she knows who she is, and what she likes (whereas Cressida adapts). Sure, he was not looking for a love match, but he was looking for authenticity, which Penelope always had. Because she's terrible at hiding her identity, actually. Eloise guesses it's her after listening to her once! Penelope has never hidden how much she likes gossip. In s2e1 she admits it outright that being a wallflower allows her to hear everything.

Colin rereads her letters and realises, wait, she really is Whistledown, she writes the same way, and although he had mixed feelings about Whistledown, he described her as clever, a quality he's always associated with Penelope as well. She says shit like "it would have been suspicious if she hadn't written about this scandal"... like that girl is not good at hiding herself actually, has never been, it's just that no one really paid her any notice and she was not put into the spotlight until now. I think a part of her unconsciously wanted them to connect the dots because the loneliness was getting to her but she was still scared to own up to it, so she continued to lie.

She's always been true to herself to some degree though, which is its own form of bravery, but she's never had the courage to ask for what she wanted before Colin helped her build her confidence. Colin, on the other hand, may be dense and oblivious, but when he wants something, he is not shy about it, and can even be a bit too impulsive. He's the one who always seeks her out and always tries to protect her and make her happy.

In part 2, as Penelope truly embraces all of herself, just like Colin is learning to be more vulnerable and let go of his ego, the dynamic between them shifts. He's the man, but she got the power.

It started when she gathered the courage to ask for that first kiss, which changed everything, and it solidified when she is the one who seeks Colin at their wedding breakfast. In that instant, he's the wallflower, and she's the one pulling him into the centre and dance in broad daylight.

And this translates in the bedroom too as she goes from following his lead to riding his d-

Ahum, who said that? Anyway, topic at hand. As the dynamic shifts, as Penelope learns to truly be herself and Colin learns the truth, that is when his envy and lack of direction in his own life become too much, and he cannot avoid it anymore. Because he thought he had found his purpose at last, be Penelope's husband, take care of her, provide for her, be the head of their family. But now he learns she's been living a dangerous double life this whole time, that she "mocked" him at the beginning of the season, and she might not even need him to protect her as much as he thought she did because she has money and a prolific career despite being a young lady with minimal agency.

And he had already been struggling before the reveal. In all of part 1, he was grappling with his sense of self, realising that pretending was not worth it if he felt empty and if it meant losing Penelope in the process as well. And in part 2, we already saw him struggling with his writing, only able to write again after Penelope tells him she's loved him for years. And then, he refuses Penelope's help to edit his journals into a book because he wants to prove to himself and to her that he could do it on his own. That he is worthy of her love.

Also note that at that point, Penelope had given up on Whistledown, and wanted to live through him by editing for him as well. Just before, we had the scene where she burned her old Whistledown issues at the same time as Colin was writing, suddenly overcome with inspiration (in this regard, I like that the show ends up allowing Penelope to keep the column and still help Colin with his book, rather than her giving up LW like in the book, where she lives vicariously through him. I know she eventually becomes a romance author in the books, and I hope she also reaches that point in the show, but it is nice she does not have to give up her pen first, you know?)

So when Colin learns she's been a published writer this whole time while he was struggling to find a purpose? Penelope started Whistledown in her first year out after all, at the exact same time, Colin wanted to prove to his family that he can be taken seriously, leading to his disastrous betrothal that season. He had needed to travel to find himself, and even then, it didn't give him the answers he was seeking, and no one was taking his newfound experiences seriously, except Penelope. He's a third son, neither the Viscount, neither the spare, so he had nothing to himself. But Penelope is much in the same situation, a third daughter, from a family less fortunate that his, and yet she has accomplished more than he has. He was already so insecure about his love being unrequited but now that he knows she does not even need to rely on him for financial stability and security? Let's dive more into that, shall we?

Colin's self-worth and ambitions

I've seen a lot of people lament the fact that Colin does not feel as much of a protagonist as Penelope, and while I agree to some degree, such argument fails to take into account the fact that he is the reason the season exists in the first place, not just on a meta level because he's a Bridgerton, but because every action he takes progresses the story. Colin is the driving force of the narrative, while Penelope is the heart of it because he loves her.

He offers the lessons to make up for his comment last season, leading to Penelope gaining in confidence. He interrupts Debling's imminent proposal and chases Penelope's carriage, leading to the engagement. He confronts Portia, leading to her re-evaluating the way she treats her daughters and the Featheringtons mending their relationship. He confronts Eloise and reminds her how obsessed she used to be with Penelope, leading to the reconciliation between the two. He follows Penelope out of worry and learns about Whistledown. When the blackmail happens, he confronts Cressida, this time things get worse (his infamous impulsiveness biting him in the ass once more), but it is still furthering the narrative, leading to Penelope taking things into her own hands and revealing herself in her own terms.

His actions are loud, however his internal growth is much more subtle and we get less scenes of him alone compared to Penelope. And that, I agree, is a weakness of this season. I mean, he spends barely 1/8 of the season upset at Penelope, when people act like he was for half the season. If you watch from the start instead of just looking at part 2, Polin have a lot more happy and cute scenes than angsty ones. Hell! They have more kisses than saphne and kanthony in their own seasons combined, I bet (I didn't count, truth be told, but since they get together halfway through the season, as opposed to in the later half, and had their first kiss in episode 2, I think it's a safe bet to make) (Edit from Star from the future here: so I admit I was wrong. Simon and Daphne have definitely more kisses because they had so many intimacy scenes upon rewatch. I just forgot about them, my bad (mostly, I tend to block out That Scene too, so). Anthony and Kate, on the other hand, were robbed. It's kinda funny Bridgerton built a reputation to be quite spicy, only for none of the seasons after s1 matching the same level lol). I also do feel like a few flashback scenes of him during his travels, waiting for Penelope's letters but getting none as he starts to act like a rake to compensate for the loneliness, contrasted with the lesson scenes in part 1 where he is carefree and silly with Penelope could have benefited his character. I personally do not think he was treated as a "love interest", he carries the season just as much as Penelope, but his emotional weight is lesser than hers, and that was an issue with the writing and pacing.

So here, I must redirect to my other Colin analysis post, as well as this one comparing book vs show portrayal, and though those were unorganised immediate thoughts after watching the show (and vague memories of the book), I still mostly stand by them and so I can also avoid repeating what I've already written.

Colin's insecurity regarding love is a direct result of s1 and, once again, Marina. The parallels between Marina and Penelope are kinda in your face, especially with Colin dropping the entrapment line.

Side note but between Anthony and Colin trying to get with a family member of their future wives first, I sure hope we won't learn Sophie is related to Lady Tilly Arnold or something because otherwise there's a pattern within the ABC bros.

Another thing is that when Marina's lie was revealed, she admits everything else was a lie as well, including her love for him. He was a means to an end, and there's no reason to pretend anymore. But with Penelope? She still tells him she loves him after the fact, and several times after that. Note that, just like with Marina, he learns of the Big Secret while they're engaged. Just like for Marina, he could just walk away now, Penelope even asks him if he wishes to cry off, but he doesn't.

Colin and emotional intimacy

I already made a post about this, but I will reiterate some points anyhow this time, because I need to make some comparisons with Book!Colin, since I've seen a lot of people be upset that unlike his book counterpart, Show!Colin is not physically affectionate with Penelope while still angry at her. So to address this, let's talk about his journals. It is no coincidence that instead of beautiful descriptions of places he's visited, in the show Penelope reads about his experiences with the "women in Paris" and how empty they make him feel. In the book, Colin is older, he is a rake and very much enjoys ladies' company, but in the show, he's only pretending to be one. It's one change they made I liked, to make him different from Anthony and Benedict (when in the books, all these men sorta blend together if I have to be honest). He's the sweet, sensitive brother, who seeks emotional and physical intimacy. Sure, he has experiences, especially after being mocked for being too green, but they felt like obligations, rather than acts of passion (Benedict) or distractions (Anthony). It is also significant that every time someone asks him about his experiences in part 1, he only ever talks about one contessa and never brings up other women, unlike in his journals where, of course, he goes into more details, knowing no one can judge him there.

And then Penelope reads those words, the depths of his mind and his insecurity, and yet she praises him for his writing, rather than mock him for his feelings of inadequacy. That is when it clicks in Colin's mind, although unconsciously, because he flashes back to that scene when he realises his feelings - Penelope is the only other person he feels comfortable enough with to share such thoughts. That's why their first time is such a contrast with the carriage scene, where it was a moment of passion as they get carried (hah!) away after confessing to each other. He was reeling from realising his feelings and narrowly stopping Penelope's engagement to Debling. There was urgency and then relief. Here, it is slower, more tender, because to Colin, this is it, this is where he can prove to Penelope that this was not a mistake, than he can take care of her, bring her pleasure like she could never imagine. He makes sure to tell Penelope how much he loves her, he asks her consent several times, he makes sure she is comfortable. It's a little awkward, unlike the carriage scene, because this is the real and full deal and he sure does not want to mess it up. After all:

That's why I'm not too mad we did not get a montage with them. Their two major intimate scenes are long sequences with few cuts, emphasised by their proximity and the comfort they feel around each other. They're emotional. They're supposed to make the viewer feel like they're interrupting. And Colin does not want to taint these two experiences, that's why the last intimate scene we get is after they reconcile (though we deserved a longer one). So, to quote myself: Colin does not let his lust take over when he's upset, because Penelope means too much to him. He does not want to lay together only to wake up in a cold bed and still be fighting in the morning. He wants to be hers, body and soul, fully and assuredly, and until he accepts the fact he loves her because of Whistledown and not despite since they are one and the same, then he cannot promise Penelope all of himself either. In his mind, he may be afraid that this emotional intimacy he felt with Penelope when they laid together will be ruined, or just simply gone while he is so tortured by the Whistledown reveal. Everything else is a mess right now but that part of their relationship? It was pure and sincere, and he wants to keep it that way.

And not to dunk on Book!Colin again but that man had anger issues and could be violent, he knew he was hurting her sometimes and did not do shit to stop that. Why would you prefer that over Show!Colin keeping a respectful distance and yet still staying close to Penelope, trying his best to protect her despite it all?

After all, the only time he gives in while they're still fighting is when they argue in the streets and Penelope shouts "I love you" to his face. That is the first time she confesses in the present tense. And for a second, Colin's walls crumble. He's a sensitive man, after all, even when he's upset, he ends up tearing up, so the declaration of love answering his "Then what good am I to you?", a question encompassing all of his insecurities in a few words, well, it's the emotional outburst that makes him almost give in, if they weren't in the middle of the street with carriages passing by. They were also both tipsy in that scene lol.

And while I'm at it, let's link back to my post regarding the entrapment line and the annulment. One thing I fail to mention (there already are so much, to be fair) is that Colin throwing an entrapment accusation can also be interpreted as him giving himself an excuse to remain engaged. The previous episode, he was worried they got carried away in the carriage (and then their future home) and that Penelope was changing her mind. As already mentioned, at that point, just like with Marina he could just walk away. They're only engaged, and no one knows they have been intimate. Sure, it would go against his principles as a gentleman but honestly he already broke them several times when Penelope is involved. And he knows that. He never actually intends to back down, he is determined to marry Penelope, as he said in that carriage this is "a feeling that is like torture, but one I cannot, will not, do not want to give up". But in that one moment, he was hurt and angry and knew what to say to hurt, and did not want to admit that he would have stayed either way because he loves her (and frankly, in this situation, Penelope is in the wrong and she kinda deserves to feel bad about wanting to hide such a thing from him, even if the accusation itself is unfair). So he gives the decision some duty, some responsibility. He's a gentleman, so he must do what's objectively right. Because that is easier than looking into the complexity of his feelings.

And that is marriage to me. Marriage is not a happily ever after. It's a choice, to stay by someone's side through the good and the bad times. And in that moment, he also made his choice, and knew Penelope would be his wife. From then on, they learn to communicate. They were in sync as friends, but as a husband and wife? That is different, even if the foundation is similar, they need to relearn how to navigate life together.

Episode 8 is all about them figuring this out.

Take these scenes for example. First of all, this has been pointed out by many already but: Colin may be mad, but he still stays close to her by sleeping on the settee just outside their bedchamber instead of taking another room. That's dedication.

Right away, Colin establishes a boundary between them and asks for some space, however, he still waits for her to wake up to tell her rather than leave without a word and having the servants inform her. She's visibly upset about it, insisting he should stay so they can talk, but he still leaves. Halfway through the episode, the situation is now reversed, Penelope emerges, already dressed while Colin clearly has not slept all night, she tells him she is leaving and giving him the space he asked for, and it is Colin's turn to be upset and realising that, no, actually he does not really like that distance anymore.

Note that until that point, they both were very confrontational whenever Whistledown was brought up, Penelope on the defensive and Colin on the offensive, they're both third children who were belittled so that is how they respond - Penelope by standing her ground and refusing to budge, and Colin by attacking and asserting himself. But here, Penelope listens to Colin's wants, and lets go a little. She gives him the space he needs, all the while she is also planning how to fix all this mess without lying to or hurting more people. And then later on again, Colin is the one who listens to her needs and her plan. That is the beginning of a healthy marriage as they both let go of their egos, as they both take a step back to listen to the other and realising they no longer have to do things alone, because actually, that distance between them was hurting both of them. Penelope accepts she can rely on others' support and Colin accepts that it is not what he can do that makes him worthy, but simply who he is.

People lament that in the Whistledown public reveal, Colin ended up not contributing much, as opposed to his book counterpart, but that is literally what Penelope asked him to do. She does not need a hero, she needs her Colin. Kind, supportive Colin, who reassured her with a simple smile and a nod on their wedding day, and who did the same when she stepped into the light once more at the Butterfly Ball. He gives her courage, by virtue of being there and loving her. Just like she gives him a purpose by simply loving him as well. The very thing Colin envied, Penelope's bravery? Well, he is one of the reasons it exists in the first place.

In the book, Penelope had no idea Colin was planning to reveal her identity, until the last, like, five minutes. He also told Anthony and Simon behind her back. I love the balcony scene but it always bothered me that Penelope's agency in that decision was taken from her. Therefore I love that they gave it back to her in the show. Just like she said in s1e8, Whistledown cannot be unmasked but if one day she shall be, then it would be in her own terms.

(I also want to say though that despite my criticisms earlier, Book!Polin remain one of my favourite dynamics in the books because despite it all, they're one of the healthiest couples. They work together as a team, and it helps Colin learned about LW before he proposed. They discuss Cressida's blackmail, whereas in the show Colin first dismisses Penelope in his need to prove himself capable of protecting her. We see them encourage each other in their writing more than in the show (fingers crossed for s4 though!) and they even discuss how they will keep Pen's Whistledown money for their children. They're a team, through and through, and in the show, we see the start of that, which makes sense, their show counterparts are ten years younger, not as mature as they are on paper.)

All through part 2, Colin stayed true to his confession in that carriage. His love was like torture. He was so insecure about Penelope not loving him as much as he does, questioning what good he even is to her and if she just lied. And yet he held on and did not want to give it up, he embraced it rather than ran from it like the other leads we had so far. He was shattered by the Whistledown secret and yet, he remained, worked through his sense of self, through his anger, through his insecurity, because Penelope is worth it. He was willing to lie for her, to lie to Benedict to get the money needed, to protect her. And Penelope clung to him just as fiercely, always reminding him that she loves him for simply being him. One always has worth. That is the validation Colin has always craved, that is when it truly sinks in for him and that he understands her selfless love for him; he does not need to pretend, he does not need to be useful, he does not need to have everything figured out, he can breathe. Penelope will be there every step of the way. Has always been, in fact, she's always been a constant in his life, and now that he is lucky enough to stand by her side and soak even a little bit of her light, well, he sure won't ever let go again.

And to end this section, not really a point of analysis, but shoutout to my girl Pen whose first instinct when she realises she can touch Colin is to reach for his hair and boy does he melt at the touch. Unlocked his hair pulling kink right there.

This is still a friends to lovers story

Fear not, the romcom vibes are still here! I kept this part for the last to end on a sweet note, just like this season. And this is also the part where I stop pretending to be a reviewer and I just allow myself to be self-indulgent, pointing out how cute these two are.

So, first of all:

They just fucked and what's the first thing they do together? Laugh. In the carriage, Colin did make a joke, prompting the laughing but in the mirror scene? They simply look at each other and start chuckling because they are so giddy upon realising this is real, they're best friends, and they're in love, and they'll be married and they will soon be able to do this whenever they want. Then, Penelope lets out a bit of her insecurity, hoping this was just as good for Colin as it was for her since she knew he was more experienced, and when he reassures her, Penelope grins and jokes about "the women in Paris", which she does again during the Mondrich ball, teasing him about the spicy parts of his journals. She is so secure in their relationship, she feels no jealousy towards Colin's past experiences but bet if anyone ever brings up Debling again, Colin would lose it, and I kinda wish we had at least one scene of Colin properly addressing his one-sided beef with Debling.

During their whole engagement (and before the LW reveal), they're just so incredibly in love, so sweet it might give you cavities, and it was such a breath of fresh air after two seasons and one spin-off of the main couple never really embracing their love until the later part of the seasons. The way Colin makes Penelope smile during the reading bans scene, then when they dance alone in the church, or when Colin adds the twirl (the flourish!) during the dance at the Mondrich ball and then when they laugh at the Butterfly Ball when everything is said and done and they can finally, fully be themselves... They are just two romantics at heart who are thrilled to be in love and miss no opportunity to flaunt it in front of the Ton who's always judged them so harshly. I wish I could include videos in this because posting screenshots would not give those moments justice.

And the comedic aspect of the romcom vibes of this season are still present in part 2, although a bit overshadowed by the Whistledown drama but I mean:

Penelope and Colin finally having a chaperone in Portia, and having no idea how to act now because they never had to worry about a chaperone before (and by that point, Penelope is already pregnant)

Poor Kanthony trying to find the right time to announce the pregnancy but here come Polin, getting engaged out of nowhere

Portia and Violet's tentative beginning of friendship, wherein Violet is trying so hard to be polite when faced with Portia's over-enthusiastic attitude

The whole charade scene with Anthony getting so competitive and glaring at poor Penelope when she gets the answers right.

All the times someone brought up Whistledown's imminent unmasking and Penelope taking psyching damage every time (meanwhile in part 1, it was everyone telling Colin how kind of him it is to help Pen find a husband). Peak "actions have consequences huh". She could not catch a break. Which okay, she was panicking and then fainted but I still find it a little funny because girl, you kinda had it coming.

The whole scene of Penelope revealing the money she made with Whistledown and Colin's, Eloise's and Portia's reactions.

And I'm probably forgetting other parts. It has now been confirmed as well that a lot of the reshoots were to make the season more light-hearted, more romcom, and they had Colin be less angry than he originally was in the script (notably after their wedding breakfast), so even if I resent that dreadful wig they put on my poor man, I'm so grateful the season remains, overall, more romcom than true drama like the other seasons could have been, because at the end of the day, this is the love story of two friends who already cared so deeply for each other. Honestly, I'd argue the true angst of the season came more from Eloise's and Penelope's rekindling friendship (and also Cressida's home life) (the true love triangle).

And speaking of truly knowing one another, let's go back to the one thing that brought Colin and Penelope together: the letters.

Note how loosely bound Penelope's letters to Colin were compared to the other pile, because he has kept them with him during his travels this past summer and kept rereading them when she did not respond back. And just like the letters (or lack thereof) were the first clues that something had shifted in their relationship and Colin realises how much he misses her, her letters also become the reason he reconciles Penelope with Whistledown because oh yeah, the writing is the same, clever, sharp, and beautiful, just like his Penelope. As he rereads them, he realises how he himself overlooked Penelope for so long, how he was compelled by her quill, how powerful it was that they made him feel more confident and how their absence made his sense of self crumble. The same way, upon his return, Whistledown calling him out, shattered that new self he had tried so hard to build. Penelope was the reason he found his confidence, then lost himself when she did not respond, and the reason he had to look inward when, through Whistledown, she saw through his facade.

But also isn't it sweet, that he unknowingly always praised her writing? Of her letters obviously, but of Whistledown as well. For all his negative feelings about the gossip column, one thing he always admitted is how clever Whistledown is, hence why he did not even believe Cressida could actually be her. Deep down, he's always admired her writing, even if he did not realise it was her yet. He was so attached to her letters after all.

And speaking of writing? Penelope becomes his muse.

That is him writing about Penelope's debut, proving he's always paid attention to her, between this, him being the one to bring up how they met, and recalling all the times Eloise kept bringing up Penelope in conversations. And he's writing all of this after the church dance scene! After Penelope's declared her love for him and how she's loved him for years! He was lamenting that love made him so simple he could not write a single word, but it is love that fuelled his mind once more and broke his writer's block. And then in the epilogue, he is so proud to say Penelope helped him edit his book, he who, a couple of episodes earlier, was so determined to do this on his own to prove himself, now his pride is that he worked together with his wife and they are building a family, and a writing empire, together.

The season ends as they kiss in front of the very window Penelope often sat in front of, overlooking Bridgerton house, hoping to catch a glimpse of Colin, who now will always be looking at her first. They also now have the heir to the Featherington barony, and they inherit the very house with the garden where Colin first broke Penelope's heart, then mended it by offering his help, then where they shared their first kiss. It is theirs now.

And it's just! They're so in love! I have no other words (also this post is so long, I am getting tired myself I probably sound like a broken record by now).

Conclusion

I think Bridgerton s3 has officially become a comfort watch. I'm never one to really rewatch shows, but this specific season has joined the small list I have. As already mentioned, when it comes to romance, friends to lovers has always been a favourite and Polin is such a good depiction of the trope. They're the gigglers on the side of balls, the ones who did not so much seek the centre stage but were thrown in the middle of it, which fits so well even on a meta perspective because Luke and Nicola admitted they sure did not expect their season to come this early either. They won't be the most popular couple, perhaps, but my God, they are mine. Despite the length of this post, I think I probably still forgot some points but oh well, gotta stop somewhere and I'm sure people more eloquent than I made posts as well.

This season was not perfect, I have a lot more gripes about it than this long post makes it sound like (although they're mostly non-polin related or something about the production), but I like to focus on the positives. And for all its flaws, s3 sure knew how to deliver a sweet romance between two outcasts who found their home with each other.

And with that, dearest gentle readers, this humble author - or rather, this person who fancies themself an author at their lost hours - finally lets their old keyboard rest, and hopes you have enjoyed this long read into a mind with too many thoughts about a gentle, kind man who has a lot of love to give and a fierce, passionate woman who wants to be loved.

(The sweetest little parallel to end this on, ever since s1, he's always seen her <3)

[xxresi-rotxx]

Harsh Ending pt 3 (NSFW)

Hot damn it's been too f*cking long! I just want to say if you're reading this, ily so much<3 I started this tumblr just to get out the brain rot in my head for this man, and I love having found so many ppl who feel the same<3 enjoy bb;)

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By the time Leon found you, he was fuming. How the fuck had you gotten this far away? From what he knew about this parasite it should have slowed you down if anything, not made you faster.

You were trying your absolute hardest to get your breathing under control. Your breath coming out in short, quick pants. The sound of your blood pumping only increasing in your ears as you kept hearing an unfamiliar voice speak to you. If you weren't so out of breath, you'd be pissed. You were slumped against the base of a tree, fighting to keep your eyes open as extreme exhaustion began to settle its way into your features. You hadn't even heard the agent sneak up on you.

"Y/n?" Leon asked, putting the back of his hand against your forehead, confirming what he already thought.

"Fuck you're burning up. Y/n?" He called your name again.

Leon? Was Leon speaking to you? His voice sounded so faint you weren't really sure.

"Goddammit," Leon muttered under his breath as he went to slide his arms under you, attempting to pick you up. His heart sank a little when you didn't fight him back. No comment, no movement, no resistance from you at all. The parasite was progressing faster than he hoped it would. He had to get you back to Luis and get that medicine in you.

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You woke up feeling groggy as hell and in a bed you didn't quite remember. It wasn't your bed, that was for sure. You didn't really feel as if you had slept either. Your exhaustion fading slightly as you moved to sit up. That's when it dawned on you.

Spain. Ashley. Las Plagas.

Panic immediately set in as you went to reach for your pistol, only to notice it wasn't there. Neither was your knife, or any of your tac gear for that matter.

"Feeling okay?"

Leon's voice startled and calmed you at the same time. He must have taken your tac gear.

"Yeah, just a little tired and," you trailed off, rubbing the back of your neck, feeling how stiff all of your muscles felt.

"Out of it?" He finished for you.

You nodded your head in agreement.

You half expected to see the black veins crawling their way up your arms, but you couldn't find any.

"Luis has medicine, it didn't get rid of the plaga but it should have slowed it down." Leon said, answering the question you were thinking but hadn't asked.

"Y/n," Leon spoke your name, causing you to turn your head and look at him, "you know Luis has a lab here that can remove the parasite."

He wasn't asking you, but you nodded your head anyway, you did know that.

"Why did you run?"

Run? When had you...?

Everything came crashing back to you in an instant. Making your head ache slightly.

You had run, fast too.

Leon already had his suspicions for why you ran but he needed to hear you say it. You were still trying to protect them. Couldn't you get it through your head that your life was just as important?

"Well?" Leon spoke again when you hadn't answered.

"You know why I ran Leon, are you really going to scold me again for looking out for yo-" you cut yourself off "for Ashley."

You knew there was no way he missed what you were about to say.

And he hadn't. But he didn't deserve to be protected, let alone by you. And especially not at the cost of your life.

"If my tactics bother you so much why go after me in this first place?"

This broke Leon right out of his thoughts.

What the fuck had you just said? He couldn't have heard you properly.

"I get you didn't want me on this mission but what I don-"

"No, I didn't want you on this mission."

Leon interrupted you.

"But you have no fucking clue why that is do you?"

Leon was walking towards you now, kneeling beside the bed you were resting on.

"Do you?" He asked again.

"I'm sure it has to do with my lack of protecting-"

"Yourself," again he cut you off, "your lack of protecting yourself. Do you have any idea how fucking nerve wracking it is to have to focus on Ashley when all I'm concerned about is you?"

You could tell Leon was clenching his fists based on how his arms were flexing. There's no way he was saying what you thought he was...was he?

You opened your mouth to respond but cut yourself off. What were you even supposed to say to that? Sorry? Explain please?

You locked eyes with Leon then, your breath hitching in your throat. God, why did he have to be so fucking beautiful? You took a moment to let your eyes wander down to his mouth, picking up on how hard he was breathing. When you trailed your eyes back to his, you could have sworn you saw his pupils get bigger.

"Say you'll stop me."

"What?" you responded, breaking out of your trance.

"Say you'll stop me if I'm wrong about this."

You could see Leon shifting his weight closer to you, getting up from where he was on the floor and moving to sit on the bed.

"I'm not so sure I could stop myself," he adds, "I'm going to need to hear you say it."

Everything finally clicked in your brain. Why he was so furious at you for protecting others over yourself, why he brought you back, why he was so pissed you were on this mission; what he was asking of you right now.

"I'll stop you." You responded in one quick breath, already anticipating what was to come.

"Thank fuck." Leon moved fast, pushing you against the headboard, resting his hands on either side caging you in. His mouth crashing on yours, a low moan emitting from him the second he felt your lips move against his.

The kiss was intense; messy and fast as his lips explored yours. As if he was pouring all of his frustration into this kiss and taking it all out on you.

When you let your tongue slide against his bottom lip you could feel him tense, his grip on the backboard of the bed growing tighter. His lips were so soft and plump, warm and inviting. You wanted to devour him, taste everything he had to offer.

Feeling your tongue Leon eagerly turned the kiss into more. Your tongues wrestling for dominance as you both drank each other in.

Feeling bolder, you placed your hands against Leon's chest, moving your hands up and down feeling all of the taut muscles underneath his shirt. You began moving your hands lower, letting Leon take control of the kiss while your hands were on a mission.

You could feel the sharp intake of breath Leon had, the gasp he emitted once your hands found what they were looking for.

He was so unbelievably hard for you. Painfully so you thought to yourself as you palmed him through his cargo pants.

Leon broke the kiss, letting his head fall to your shoulder as his breath came out in rough pants, his hands still leaning against the backboard.

"Fuck," he panted, voice coming out slightly higher in octave, "God, fuck please don't stop."

You were mesmerized watching how his body reacted to yours. The way his hips moved on their own, finding rhythm with your hand and grinding into you.

"Do you understand now why this mission has been utter torture for me?"

You let out a little giggle, not to mock Leon's torment, but more so because of the inner turmoil you'd been going through ever since your last conversation with the man. How all those feelings of hurt could have been avoided.

"You think that's funny?"

Leon had lifted his head now and was looking down at you, smirk plastered over his lips.

You had no time to respond before Leon trailed his hand down over your sex. The contact through the clothes making you shiver slightly.

You wanted him so fucking bad. You hadn't realized how empty you felt until his fingers started rubbing circles over you. Applying pressure where you needed it most.

"Fuck, Leon." You drawled out, your hips grinding against his hand, similar to how he had been grinding against yours.

He could just picture it. How insane you'd go from being teased and played with, how you would beg for release, all the cute noises that would come out of you; the way your body would react.

He wanted that, no he craved that, but he was losing his patience faster than he would have liked and his cock felt almost painful pressing against the rough material of his pants.

"Le-leon," you rasped, drawing the man out of his thoughts, "I love that you wanna take your time" oh how wrong you were "but if you don't fuck me soon, I think I might actually lose it."

Fuck, you were perfect.

Leon slipped his hands past the waistband of your panties, feeling the evidence of your arousal. You were more than ready.

Leon flipped you over to your stomach, the sudden change in position making you laugh.

"Grab the headboard for me." Leon instructed, his mouth so close to your ear you could almost feel his lips against you.

"Aren't you going to say please?" You teased him.

Leon chuckled, moving his mouth so that he could nibble on your ear, his hands gripping your waist.

"Please Y/n?" He moaned, doing his best to whimper the end of your name.

You grabbed the headboard instantly, your body immediately going flush hearing Leon moan for you. It sent heat straight to your core. You had never heard the man moan, whimper; hell make anything akin to the sound you just heard as he pleaded with you to do as you were told.

Leon had discarded your clothes and was in the process of discarding his own when he decided to slip a finger in, making sure you were fully prepared. The grip he had on his control now completely gone.

Fuuuuck you were tight. His cock already leaking just on how you felt clenching his finger.

Your back arched, your grip on the headboard tightening.

"Leon for fucks sake," you whined, "stop teasing me. I need this, I want this, pleaaase put it in me?" You tried your best to mimic the whiny plea he used earlier.

It worked. Leon slid himself in slowly, the weight of him resting against you, his grip on your waist tightening. Once he was fully in, he gave you a second, a brief one, to adjust.

"Promise me something" he spoke, keeping himself perfectly still.

"Is this really the best time?" you asked, your hips involuntarily twitching.

"Seeing as I think this is the only time you'll actually listen to me?"

You could almost feel the smirk you were sure was on his face, rolling your eyes you replied.

"Make it quick Kennedy."

"That you'll keep yourself safe, otherwise I might seriously fuck up this whole mission."

"I promise, but only if you'll buy me dinner when we get back."

The smirk on Leon's face grew wider, the fear that maybe your attraction to him being only physical slowly vanishing.

"Promise" he whispered against your back.

There was no warning after that. Leon was thrusting into you as if he was certain a lack of contact would kill him. His thrusts fast and deep, finding that spongey part inside of you and hitting it every time.

You could feel your legs start to give way, The messy pace his thrusts were setting, the rough grip he had on your waist, and the little grunts he'd make every time he pulled out just to plunge back in, had you seeing stars.

"Leon I'm cl-"

"Fuck, wait for me, fuck y/n"

You could feel the erratic way his thrusts become rougher, faster.

He was on the edge, and thankfully you were too.

His thumb found your clit, roughly pushing against it and rubbing it in fast circles.

"Come for me y/n"

Your body answering his command without hesitation. The orgasm rocking it's way through you, sending a shiver across your whole body, the sensitivity in your body heightened as Leon's thumb didn't stop.

Just when you thought you'd actually have to remove his hand, both his hands gripped yours against the headboard, holding you to it as he lost himself inside you, his body shivering just the same as yours had.

You let yourself slump against the bed, utterly spent and exhausted. Leon doing the same, his arm coming to rest across you.

You both laid there, listening to the rise & fall of each other's breaths, taking in the moment, knowing soon enough it would be back to the hell that was this mission.

"Hey y/n?" Leon spoke first.

"Hmm?" you responded, so close to falling asleep.

"When we get back, where should we get dinner?"

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I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED LOVELIESSSS! This took me like 2 days to fully finish & proofread lol, incase anyone was wondering lol 😘😘

[l0stfoster]

You already know who it is, back on my bullshit 👉👉 not here for paul this time (SHOCKING)

So , darry. Darrel Curtis. My boy my baby. I just have like ,, general things i want to know more about so bare with me bc hes my fav alongside paul ofc and i can ramble

1. When did his tail get permanently fucked up and how did he mess it up so badly?

2. Ik his powers get unstable when he gets like ,, real upset so besides the night he slapped Pony, are there any instances where he just got outta control ?

3. Is he afraid that his relationship with Paul isnt real bc of his mind manipulation bc baby knowing me if i had that power id be scared to mfing death

4. Goddammit im mentioning paul again sorry but ik darry calls paul pretty boy (heart hands i love that) but does paul call darry any pet name that just makes him SWOOOON

5. Has he ever gotten jumped post-book ?? I imagine that before him and paul fell out he had told him a bunch of things including weaknesses that socs used to their advantage ESP after paul “betrayed” them, and what better way to hurt paul holden then to hurt the person he loves more than life itself

Okay thats all for now b4 i go literally insane but i may be back bc i have questions abt other couples 😼😼😼

You’re so fucking real for the Darry enjoyment too I also adore him he’s such a guy. Both in canon and in the au, I need to kiss him on the forehead. DARRY YAP TIME (Crow will be so joyous)

Timewing got really excited about this one so a lot of the answers are his, I just added on afterward with my thoughts, so the first bullet point will be hers, and the second one is mine!!

When did his tail get permanently fucked up and how did he mess it up so badly?

- I assume he tried to crush it or break it violently enough that it needed to be amputated. One way of the latter reason probably would've been falling off the roof of the house back first. One way of the former reason is heading out to a field and trying to slam a hay bale on it. - I personally like to think he'd gone far enough to get his hands on a spare tire from their father's truck and,, crunch! It was the only way he could think of doing enough damage while getting away with it since the car had issues enough to need active little fixes and tweaks, including tire changes. He was around 17 or 18 during all of this, by the way. Unlike his ears, this isn't one his family knows was purposeful.

His powers get unstable when he gets like ,, real upset so besides the night he slapped Pony, are there any instances where he just got outta control?

- There are so many instances but it happens more so when he's stressed. There were a few situations where during tests during school he accidentally ended up making an entire class of 20+ students so anxious a few were sent home and a couple jocks had panic attacks. Another instance was (using the musical for this) when he and Soda were brought in to be asked abt Pony's whereabouts and he got so pissed off with the questioning that he also heightened the officer's anger and nearly got himself arrested. Also the rumble. I think that speaks for itself. - A couple other instances I can think of are after their parents died, when Dally got shot, and uh. The entirety of the duration that Pony was gone, though that was mostly him heightening his own distraught compared to anyone else. He probably does it every now and then at work too during rough work days, which makes for some interesting occurences.

Is he afraid that his relationship with Paul isn't real bc of his mind manipulation bc baby knowing me if I had that power I'd be scared to mfing death.

- Absolutely. He stresses abt it every second of every minute of every hour of every day. - A little fact that Darry doesn't know, though, is that after Paul's powers are presented he has a level of resistance to certain types of curse-related powers! He's not immune, per se, but Darry's manipulation, Soda's song, and Johnny's death sense are all a little lowered; this is because he's in the direct bloodline of the witch who cursed Tulsa. In the way that Johnny can't see Paul's death date (but can get flashes of it), Soda's siren song is easier for Paul to break himself out of and he can tolerate Darry's manipulation for a little longer before caving into it. Parry fans can rest easy knowing that Paul's love for Darry is 100% genuine. Unfortunately, Darry does not know that </3

Goddammit Im mentioning Paul again sorry but ik Darry calls Paul pretty boy (heart hands I love that) but does Paul call Darry any pet name that just makes him SWOOOON

- It's mostly the Latin nicknames that get him. He may not know what the hell Paul is saying but he's in love with it anyway. But he's also especially fond of being called the ever so typical "sugar" - Yeah it's just a bunch of Latin and then the usually sappy ones. Darling, Doll, etc. Paul hits him with “Optimum accidit mihi” ("The best thing to happen to me") once and Darry would actually fold if he knew it.

Has he ever gotten jumped post-book ?? I imagine that before he and Paul fell out he had told him a bunch of things including weaknesses that socs used to their advantage ESP after Paul “betrayed” them, and what better way to hurt Paul Holden than to hurt the person he loves more than life itself

- I imagine maybe once but there was also when he went hunting for Two's stolen feathers and was... scary. He's a scary dude, no one wants to mess with a fae that has that much muscle and is probably not afraid to bite you. - I also agree that,, yyyyeah, Darry is arguably one of the greasers to get jumped the least, including post-book. He works a lot too, so it's not like there are many open instances for him to walk around. Darry definitely told Paul any weaknesses that did exist, but I like to imagine Paul kept those real tight to his chest- He absolutely used them himself during their time hating each other, but could never get himself to tell the other socs; it was a level of trust he couldn't bring himself to break, especially since Darry had seen and heard his own share of things from Paul that he never spilled. The Socs also didn't know that Darry was what Paul valued the most; sure, Paul was very clearly into him, buuuut they make their own assumptions regarding his sexuality and how things go relating to it-

-I could definitely imagine a scenario where they attempt to sabotage Darry and Paul's relationship out of spite if they knew how dedicated Paul is.