#god. music defenders have got to be a specific kind of annoying

[wispisstillverybored67]

Heyyyy guys, it's time for Tumblr to gaslight you into thinking you're a bad person because you don't like rap music! All the while pretending it likes it!

[sugar-petals]

:: random things about boyfriend yoongi

↳ ♡ NOTE I saw this format floating around the fandom and thought it was cool and sweet (just like our honey boy so here it goes) 😊  includes an sfw and nsfw bit, both can be read independently.

words. 3k

SFW

First off, Yoongi is laid-back and casually sexy the way we know him. But he also has spikes of energy where he actually gets a little clingy. Any opportunity he will use to hold hands or jump around like a madman with his gummy smile because he got excited about something that you never could predict would make him so happy. He truly is an epiphany.

He’s your most eager personal chef but funnily enough a little unsettled by onions so you end up helping him. Yoongi hates to be crying in the kitchen because of some evil little vegetable but hey, perfect time and place to spend half an hour huddled together cooking or baking. And Yoongi is secretly longing for a cheesy scene, he finds it romantic when you wipe the tears from his face.

His way of speaking to you is a mix of mumbly Korean, high-pitched pouty cat speak, and old-school English slang phrases that he learned somewhere on social media or award shows back in 2018. Most of the time he takes things seriously but is up for some joking anyway. He is sure to giggle every now and then which is really adorable of him. Yoongi is also the person who gets every nuance of your humor and reacts to it.

After being single, you really have to get used to someone waddling around the house. Like— oh, he’s there! And it’s none other than him! Since Yoongi isn’t noisy when he concentrates on his laptop, it really stands out when he morphs from his unmovable rock-like being to a slow rolling stone headed towards the kitchen from time to time. You have to blink every time. And how could you not look up, he’s walking by with his cutest oversized sweaters and striped fluffy socks.

He cannot hide things that normal people would try to keep secret — because of their own discomfort, but he is good at blocking out things that serve your comfort. I’ll explain what I mean. If you have been keeping up with Yoongi postponing the reveal of his surgery until it was successful, you know what I mean. In short, Yoongi is pretty much an automatic filter for things that disturb you. Knowing the right time and place to inform you is the key. As is disregarding things that don’t concern you as a couple, unnecessary drama and opinions. He’s really good at that without ever trying to sugar-coat the important things because he remains a frank and honest soul.

Yoongi has an easier time giving random presents for simple occasions rather than making a big deal out of traditional festivities. So, big celebrations are often kept simple — unless the rest of BTS is there advocating their ‘a little party never killed nobody’ motto — while Yoongi focuses on getting you something attentive or useful every other day pretty much. He’s still a frugal type, you know him. It’s more about inexpensive things that catch his eye because he heard you likes this or that type of snack or want this or that sofa cushion. 

There’s always something new and surprising in the fridge and it’s hardly ever empty because Yoongs takes care of the groceries, really thinking it through. Just personal chef things. Being Yoongi’s partner must be the most destressing thing. He takes responsibility for the worldly things, the ironing clothes and the trash cans. He himself thinks that’s the easiest shit ever and is ready to put time into it (he sees the merit, it drives him) while thinking your side — the sheer act of being in love with him, being there for him — must be hard. Which it isn’t. 

Yoongi thinks emotions and relationships are tough and complicated while daily life runs smoothly at the snap of a finger. You think maintenance is a drudgery while love is not the maze your boyfriend assumes it is. Deep down Yoongi thinks he’s unlovable and a bad person, that’s why he believes he doesn’t have the burden but you have. That your affection then blazes past the barriers in Yoongi’s esteem is something that he finds incredible. It catches him off guard there, you burst the bubbles of the flaws he falsely imagines he has.

You bet your ARMY bomb you’re watching cat videos together.

Guess who’s the first person to hear all of Yoongi’s upcoming hit tracks? Even Namjoon gets the first sample ten minutes later. You gotta be really advanced at keeping secrets and avoiding accidental leaks with your phone or something.

Yoongi hesitates with the analogy because it’s a little funny and you’re evidently not a steaming liquid made of beans, but he claims you really are like his daily americano. Makes his every morning better. 

Now, in all seriousness. What means the most to him is that you take him how he is and are stable company. Yoongi is afraid of betrayal and stupid games so he has to be sure to have a safe bet going. I think that’s why he fancies marriage, it’s a sign of commitment and some degree of permanence to him. And yes, he is a bit jealous in nature since he’s easily invested in someone with a purity of feeling, almost in a naive way. Yoongi easily idolizes his partner and puts a lot of energy into a bond. He wants to protect that, take the risk, and he has watched for someone who radiates genuine trust and faith. He is sure to have found it in you without any illusions and he is right. Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty.

Playing the piano for dinner or date night is a must, he practices constantly to advance to a great standard. He secretly finds a lot of satisfaction in you cooing at his skills and melodies. Those ten bony fingers gliding over the keys with such a technicality and focus, and a passion that makes you hold your breath, it’s great to watch.

Did you see that one coming? He will compose and produce a designated mixtape only for you personally. Yes, with a little self-filmed, self-cut music video for the title track. 

Now those things never see the light of day, they’re all for you. But what about your couple life once it touches the social realm? As one might expect, Yoongi is very ‘eyes turn narrow’ with people who bring disharmony to your dynamic and the relationship in general. In fact, he is grumpy and disappointed, and should someone give him a reason, distinctly brutal. If someone even attempts to test you or plays manipulative games, Yoongi is relentlessly turning them from the inside out with his words that never miss the mark. They’re efficient. As I said, he hates playing annoying games, he’ll do any shortcut and be Yoongi.

I guarantee you can lean back and will never the fazed by stupid people and time wasters again. No need to lose face. Yoongi does the dirty work and is the best possible defender to have on your side. He handles that. Invasive opinions and useless phrases he will shove right up some trashtalker’s ass and leave. Let’s squarely say he is unafraid to be a armchair critic of your and his haters and doesn’t want any of that nuisance to disturb what you have together. He cuts very quick and makes sure not to get tangled up in trouble.

Yoongi will also debunk a whole bunch of weirdos on weverse asking about your private love while he’s at it. Prepare for some very entertaining snide remarks. Oh my god, so many entitled people will be pissed off. Many will also celebrate him for stepping up. What’s actually important to Yoongi is that nobody taints what is like a treasure to him.

It won’t be hard to overlook that Yoongi is very proud of you as well. He looks confident and revering when he hangs out with the group and you’re somewhere close by, even just doing something trivial.

He’s also pretty touchy, sometimes publically to demonstrate something, but mostly in the relative calm and safety of a hotel room. When the lights are out, all barriers crash, the utter romantic takes over. His favorite types of kisses besides those onto his hands are when you kiss his lashes. And yep. Yoongs is such a cozy little spoon. A very curled up one with cute shooky pajamas on most likely.

Talk about clothes. Believe it or not, Yoongi’s fashion goes through a significant change due to the relationship. He knows that you are touchy and thinks about what kinds of flannels are the biggest cuddle magnet, after all. And oh wonder, he will also show some level of skin when he accidentally hears your praises for his arms and legs and collar bones and glowy skin while talking to a close friend of yours. So, look forward to that in summer (he still dislikes the winter cold and wraps himself into scarves twice his size, mind you) though it’s still for your eyes only, he covers up when going out. Truth be told, he enjoys when you casually touch his skin. Especially the arms. Which hold up the firmament to you, and your world, too, and guard it.

BTS will know about how excited he is about you because he often boasts about for how long you’ve been living together by now. We all know this is Yoongi’s favorite way of bragging and it further shows that loyalty, dedication and longevity is the spice to his every meal.

Yoongi is probably going to quit the bottle because you naturally make him feel at ease and upbeat. In fact, he simply forgets about his wine. I don’t have to convince you that Yoongi will be very immersed in any interaction with you whether that be watching movies or discussing his latest tracks. 

Those discussions come with extra back massages for him because he spends a lot of hours in his chair. Especially around the neck, it’s no secret that this is in every cat’s top 3 favorite massaging areas. Yoongi is gonna make some really raspy, sleepy sounds and just melt in your hands. He’s gonna sleep like a baby afterwards every time. Sometimes, he says funny and cute things while he dozes. He looks very content.

Say goodbye to the 21st century adulting annoyances in your life because Yoongi has a grip on those without a word. Those six specific chores that always plague you take him only a dozen minutes and he is eager, the forms to fill out are already sent off, the list of people to e-mail is weeded through. The taxes are paid, the bank account is full, the meals are on the table, garnished to perfection. Roof over the head, and it’s a sturdy one, Yoongi bought a sound haven house to inhabit a lot of happiness for two. 

He’s probably the only person who doesn’t see it as a loss of dignity if you want to hold on tight to him during a dentist visit as a grown ass mf. Why all of this? Yoongi cannot not strive to feel needed in his actions. He wouldn’t like himself if he couldn’t contribute something reliable and useful. That you find things worthy of your time is priority. You complement each other, what you think is a waste of energy makes him work and strive and vice versa. That way, in the end all things are taken care of.

Giving is more important than taking in Yoongi’s world. He thinks of everything because he considers it an offense to have you in a pile of duties, that is, if you don’t like ‘em. It’s his form of dedicating his efforts and showing respect. He doesn’t need much in return. The things he expects if at all don’t feel like a duty: Much like he doesn’t consider doing those acts of services for you likewise.

Work horse he is, he needs something on his daily to-do plan. Which includes making you feel unbothered by the occasions of an incoming strict world when it’s getting to you. You’re supposed to do what you feel like doing just like him and not slave away at fifty deeds. That you torture yourself with daily life hassle is the thing he dislikes seeing the most. He enjoys doing these things so he’s happy to get going.

What’s not a daily life hassle: Holly is a big fan of yours. Instant friendship. Just wanted you to know.

He always knows how to preoccupy himself and finds something to improve. Getting on your nerves, and that’s no surprise, is the last thing Yoongi will ever do. In fact, you sometimes have to search for his napping spot because he got lost somewhere in the house. 

He either sleeps or works, his philosophy is simple. If you need him, he does appear seemingly out of nowhere. And, he spends as much time with you as you enjoy, not always prioritizing his producing unless it’s urgent or he’s on an inspiration streak. Which is great anyway, you can sit next to him listening. It’s the right balance of work and play.

Yoongi is not above blatantly showing off. Actually, he goes for an act of stunning pretty often. You know how cats parade around whatever they just caught. He wants to impress you with assets and accolades and appraisals, the boy can’t help it. That you only lightly nod at most of it with a little smile will confuse him but he will get the point later on. You wanna signal Yoongi that you anchor your love for him not in shifting numbers and chunky metal pieces. 

That you don’t confuse his signs of outward worth and fame with the core of the guy you find the sweetest in the world is very important to him. He will take some time to see through that because he’s used to being loved through status and its symbols by people close and afar. 

The way you throw yourself at him to give a big smooch in random situations — especially when he doesn’t feel great about himself— rather than only when he say gets a new car is sending him a message. Again, he has to grow into that. He will retreat at the beginning because he feels worthless of your affection on days where he doesn’t feel big and bold and successful. But since he sees you jumping on him because you need only his kind and squishy presence and see him as no different than usual because he’s always Yoongi underneath, your boyfriend will change his mind about it sooner or later. He learns that your presence makes him feel like a billion dollars yourself.

You don’t wallow in the regrets of other people missing the point of Yoongi and instead focus on always understanding him rather than enabling Yoongi into wrong directions. And there are many of those, his mental health can tell you a thing or two about it. He begins to get that you really know what you’re doing and are in it for the real him which makes him feel really loved far underneath all surfaces and images. You accept his fame and admire his work with music which is what he’s truly doing it for but also don’t forget that the most vulnerable Yoongi is the one that you’re there for and not a facade.

NSFW

I know you’re curious. That Yoongi’s sexual style is more than just interesting goes without saying. To give you an idea. Anything steamy with Yoongi means him taking his time. You know, for making it quality. Yoongi wants to grow into the right balance of activity and staying relaxed. He is good at keeping cool and bringing some focus to the madness. He wants to figure out how to be more casual instead of tense and overly preoccupied which he’ll be at the start of the relationship. But the fast learner he is, his nervousness fades way faster than you think. 

Yoongi is extremely afraid that he can’t please you or starts to become awkward slash clueless so he darts to the opposite of the spectrum and overperforms, even plays a character. You have enough cool yourself to tell him what to do in the pace that works best. That he stays centered in his body is important for you to teach him. When he gets grounded and juggling his confidence is out of the equation, he fucks the best.

His favorite position besides giving oral — with you on your back — will be doggy style. Man, we gotta talk about that. Slow to upper moderate pace, nothing too all over the place. Yoongi moans very slowly, too, all drawn out. Get ready for a frequent session of some anal to unwind. You heard that right. First, Yoongi will get the two of you into the right rhythm with his hands at the sides of your waist, then, ride it out in slow mo with his right hand properly stimulating you from the front. 

By habit, he will add some lube here and there but not use insanely dripping amounts so everything gets messy or he can’t touch you without sliding off anymore. Just enough to slide well. Yoongi is so good at this I swear, it’ll be your favorite thing to relax. He has the restraint and technique to pull it off rather than pulling out, huh. Yoongi is gonna stay inside you for ages. It feels like he’s massaging every spot for some extra time. It’s amazing to slack off your muscles, cool off, and get many a gentle but fulfilling orgasm. 

He’s not gonna put you through the hassle of dealing with an anal creampie cleanup so he keeps it wrapped, and mostly focuses on your movements altogether while keeping his own climax smooth and more relieving rather than something that relentlessly knocks him out in one go. Yoongi is good at observing and doesn’t feel the need to chase a violent high which is why he is so great at sex. Fucking with Yoongi leaves a wholesome feeling and you never feel ashamed or guilty, or a sense of being dirty and ruined. 

He enjoys having sex to make you feel really good and works his hands on you very respectfully. His goal is to have you wet and pulsing after a long while of getting you there, and putting you to a good night’s sleep. He’d feel terrible if he left you sore or disturbed. He is really passionate, especially with his kisses or when you ask him to slide into very deeply, but Yoongi being brash and controlling is an image out of sight.

Besides giving you the number one heavenly assfucks, Yoongi also likes to work his tongue as we know, and he’ll work it all over. Few body parts of yours have not made contact with that glorious mouth and I say that in the best of ways. You can instruct him to do whatever, Yoongi obliges with radiant joy. And here again, he takes minutes upon minutes. Kissing and kissing and licking and maybe even teasing once or twice to make you smile. You know, a little signature wink. Honoring your skin and every shape is not something that Yoongi has to talk about, he will physically show it and I swear it’ll finally get into your head with every little move, Yoongi has totally surrendered his tongue to your body and worships it.

[ruzek-halstead]

there’s one thing on my mind (it’s all for you)

i didn’t have a wip for jatp fanworks appreciation week, so i made one?? but i got too into it and finished it in a few hours. thanks to @ourstarscollided for sending in the incredible prompt that led to this fic!! 

home didn't seem like home anymore for luke patterson, and so he was desperate to find a new place to write music. after an especially brutal fight with his mother, he finds himself in front of l.a. books. he isn't expecting to get much out of it, it was solely a last resort. but then he sees her, julie molina, and he ends up coming back every week just to keep seeing her.

bookstore au

masterlist

If three years ago, someone were to tell Luke, he would actively be spending his Friday night in a small, but cozy book store, he would have laughed in their face.

He was a rockstar. If he wasn't jamming it out at some club with his boys, he was doing something wrong.

But life didn't always work out in his favour, and it wasn't long before he decided he couldn't write out of his home anymore. Home. Sometimes the mere word made him laugh. Home was supposed to be warm, welcoming and loving, and he felt none of those things every time he walked through the front door. It was starting to take a toll on him. Not only on his mental health, but also in his creative abilities. The songs he was writing in his bedroom had taken a dark turn, so dark they felt more like a cry for help than anything else.

So, he decided it was time to find another place to write songs; somewhere that could get his creative juices flowing. When Reggie first suggested this bookstore on the corner of Madison, Luke pinched his brows, not understanding how that was a viable solution. Reggie defended his suggestion by saying bookstores were quiet and he would be surrounded by millions of words of inspiration.

Luke never took Reggie's suggestion until one brutal fight with his mom left him pulling at his hair, desperate to leave the house. He would go anywhere at this point, but his fingers were itching to grab his pencil and book; there was so much he just needed to get out onto paper. If he didn't, he would explode. So, he grabbed his song book, a few pencils and stuffed everything into his backpack before he hopped out his window. At first, he just started walking to nowhere in particular. In the back of his mind, he was intending to drop by Alex's, but instead he found himself standing in front of L.A. Books.

He walked in with the intention of taking one quick walk around and most likely walking right back out. He was pissed off at the world and he didn't think Shakespeare would solve his issue.

But then he saw her.

She was stocking a book shelf, putting up new books as far as he could tell. Her curls kept getting in way of her vision and she was continuously tucking them behind her ears. He could only see the side of her face at this point, but when she was approached by a younger girl to help locate a book, Luke quite literally forgot how to breathe. She was stunning in every which way; her soft smile to the young girl made an unconscious smile spread over his own lips. There was no specific thing about her that drew him to her, but for some reason, he was rooted to the floor. Even when she started moving in his direction, leading the girl to a new section, he couldn't even move just enough to grab a book and look like he wasn't creepily stalking her.

But she only sent him a warm smile as she walked by.

So, maybe Reggie wasn't so wrong about this place after all.

After that, Luke found himself stopping by at least once a week, maybe twice if things at home were really bad. It was a quiet establishment for the most part, and Luke found a corner table that was perfect for his writing. He knew his song writing was starting to take a hit; he knew that. But since he started writing in the bookstore, an obvious shift was clear in the words he scribbled down.

Even the boys noticed.

"What the hell is this?" Alex had demanded one late night after Luke handed him his songbook so he could filter through it. They'd mostly been playing their old originals while Luke worked on some new stuff, and he was finally starting to share.

Luke frowned, biting his lip nervously. "What? Is it that bad?"

"Reg, look at this," Alex ignored Luke, reaching over to show the other brunette. "When were you going to tell us?"

Luke merely blinked, gaze flickering between the two. Reggie, to his credit, looked just as confused, meanwhile Alex was fighting a smirk. "Dude, I'm so confused. What the hell are you talking about?"

Alex placed the book down in his lap, finally letting the smirk take over. "When were you going to tell us you were in love?"

Luke immediately started to sweat. "What?"

"If you're writing these love songs about me, I'm flattered," Alex teased, to which Luke could only roll his eyes and snatch the book back into his possession. "But you know I'm taken."

"I'm not in love," Luke muttered under his breath.

And he wasn't. He would stand by that.

But he'd be lying if he said he didn't stop by the bookstore solely to see his curly-haired goddess. Every time, he would look at her and a sudden burst of inspiration would blindside him and he would be writing into his book without even realizing. He wasn't going to tell the boys that, though.

After about a month of hidden glances and polite smiles, he figured it was about time to say something. He also figured it could only look a little strange, him being at a bookstore every week and never buying anything. To his credit, many others took advantage of their tables to work quietly; he wasn't the only one. But he was the only one who couldn't take his off the employee with kind eyes and a mega-watts smile. Sometimes she came over to organize the tables, or wipe them down, and so Luke decided it was now or never.

"Hi," he blurted one night when she came to grab a stray book someone had left on his table. Her gaze lifted to meet his. Her face broke out into a warm smile and he nearly broke his pencil from how hard he was holding it.

Luke's eyes dropped to her name tag. He'd never been close enough to read it (with the exception of the first time he saw her, but he was understandably starstruck and couldn't focus on anything).

Julie.

He debated saying something else, it almost looked like she was waiting for him too, but the words were caught in his throat. He merely sent her a pained grin as she retreated. God, that was awkward.

Over the next few months, his confidence grew some, but he was never able to hold a full conversation with her. He was working up to it, but in the meantime, he was content in his corner writing songs about the girl who had unknowingly captured his heart.

This week had been particularly gruelling. School had taken a lot out of him (every mark counted for college admissions) and his parents were on his ass about his grades. He knew he had to do well, even if he wanted to pursue music, he needed the grades to get into a good music program; he knew that. He didn't need his mom yelling at him about it every day. So, this Friday he'd spent the entire evening at L.A. Books, anything to just get away for a bit. He knew it was almost closing time; there weren't many customers left and he could see Julie cleaning up out of the corner of his eye.

He was trying not to spend all his time watching Julie, instead focused on his latest creation. So, he didn't see Julie apprehensively watching someone shove a few books into his backpack. He was young, but probably a bit older than Julie. Why he would want to steal some books, Julie had no idea, but it was the wrong day to mess with Julie Molina.

She hadn't had her best week either, and watching someone blatantly try to steal like he was, severely pissed her off. Protocol be damned, Julie stalked over to the individual and blocked his exit. Protocol insisted on not confronting the shop-lifter by any means, but Julie was too annoyed to care.

"Are you going to pay for those books you put in your backpack or can I have them back?"

Julie was impressed with how confident she sounded. Even when he met her glance head-on, she wasn't the least bit intimidated.

"What? Sorry, I think you're thinking of someone else," he replied, but after meeting her gaze the first time, he couldn't hold it as he spoke.

"Just give me the books and I won't call the police," Julie reasoned. She sounded exhausted, and that was because she was; this was honestly the last thing she needed this week, and yet, here she was.

But as soon as the man noticed her change of tone, his mouth twisted into a scowl. "I already told you, you have the wrong guy."

"I saw you put them in your backpack!" Julie argued, her anger crawling back up her throat.

"No, you didn't, because I didn't do anything!" He replied angrily. "Are you going to move, now?"

Julie stood her ground. It was probably quite comical, considering she was a full head shorter than him, but she wasn't moving. "No. Give me back the books."

The man let out a furious snarl. "Get out of my way, bitch."

His words didn't offend her in the slightest. Honestly, she felt sorry for him, that this was how he was raised to treat women, especially someone as young as her. But she was perceptive, and she could tell he was getting agitated and possibly aggressive. She didn't know this guy, she didn't know what he was capable of.

Luke had kept his eye on Julie the entire time, he always did. But as soon as he realized what she was doing, he swore under his breath. He tried to keep his distance, to let her do her thing, but the second the man called Julie a bitch, Luke was up and out of his chair, ready to throw hands.

There was a point in his life where he wouldn't even think about the consequences of his actions, but as he approached, he caught Julie's eyes and figured punching this random guy in the face probably wasn't the best course of action. So, he hung back, close enough to be noticed, but not enough to be considered a threat.

Or so he thought.

The man noticed Julie's eyes focused on something behind him, so he whirled around to see Luke. What with his height and obvious biceps (that were currently on display because what were sleeves anyway?), the man scoffed.

"Is he coming to your rescue or something? Need someone to fight your battles?"

Luke merely raised his eyebrows.

The fact that he was saying all this to a high school girl seriously baffled him.

When the man tried to step around Luke, he side-stepped to be in his way again. Luke didn't smirk, didn't show any facial emotion. It was enough to unnerve him.

With an angry huff, he reached into his backpack to pull out the two books in question. He slammed them into Luke's chest as he stormed past him, muttering, "I don't need this crap."

The moment they heard the door slam closed, Luke's eyes slid over to Julie. Her face was blank, but her eyes were stormy, angry even. He didn't blame her; that guy was a right dick. He hesitantly handed the books back to her. Her gaze flickered to the books and back to him. She probably had no idea how absolutely intimidating she looked.

But then she smiled. A proper, full smile that had Luke merely staring. "Thank you," she said, reaching forward to grab the books. He was hoping she'd say more, but instead she took the books and walked away to put them back in their place.

It was fine, because she had talked to him and he was so ridiculously happy about that. He had also helped her out in that less than stellar situation, but not overbearingly so that he treated her like a damsel in distress who couldn't handle herself. Julie definitely held her own, but he wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened to her and he was right there sitting in his corner. Pleased with himself and how the situation played out, he skipped back to his seat in the corner, feeling more inspired than ever to finish the current song he was working on.

He glanced up one more time, surprised to catch Julie's sparkling brown eyes already looking at him. She immediately averted her gaze, mouth twitching as she held back a smile.

That was when he decided, no more pining around; it was time to officially ask her out.

What was the worst that could happen? She would say no. And he'd be okay with that, because it was 2021 and respecting women and their decisions shouldn't even be questioned. He'd be disappointed, sure, but for now, he was still holding out hope that maybe she would be into him too.

It was nearing eight, and Luke could tell when he saw the remainder of customers heading for the door. He spotted Julie making her way over too, getting ready to lock the door behind the last customer. He gathered up his things and shoved them into his backpack as slowly as possible. His heart was hammering in his chest and his palms were sweaty; he was actually nervous to ask Julie out.

How couldn't he be? She was absolutely gorgeous.

Luke made it to the door, taking a deep breath before he met her eyes.

Julie stepped in front of him, blocking his exit.

He stumbled in his step, grabbing onto the door frame to keep from toppling straight into her.

"Sorry," she mumbled, tucking a curl behind her ear. For the first time literally ever, Luke observed the tell-tale signs of her shy and apprehensive behaviour. She was always so confident, so in tune with what she seemed to want, this was unusual to him. Not only because of that, but he'd never been this close to her, and he was suddenly finding it extremely hot (and he was barely even wearing a shirt).

Luke tugged on his backpack strap, because he needed to do something. He needed to focus, or else he'd end up doing something stupid, like blurt out that he was in love with her. "No, it's okay. I actually wanted to ask you something anyway."

Her sparkling brown eyes widened for a split second. "Actually, I want to ask you something — are you free to grab a coffee?"

It was safe to say Luke's brain started to short-circuit.

"Uh, what?"

He was so intensely focused on gathering the courage to ask her out, he didn't even know how to reply when she suddenly flipped the plan on him.

He started to lose his mind even more when a soft blush spread over Julie's cheeks. "I'm just closing up, and I could really use a dose of caffeine. I'd really like if you came with me."

Luke can't do more than simply stare at her; his body was failing on him. Julie held his gaze, biting her lip apprehensively with a nervous smile because he wasn't saying anything, and she really hoped she didn't misinterpret his signals. But then he finally fights for control of his body again, and a soft grin spreads onto his lips. "Yeah. I'd really like that."

She matched his grin, closed and locked the door behind her. "I only have a few more things to do. Just a few more minutes."

"No worries," he replied, shoving his hands into his front pockets. "Oh! I'm Luke, by the way."

Julie mulled over the name for a moment. "Julie," she responded.

"I know," he mumbled, eyes solely focused on hers. Even when she looked to him in surprise, he couldn't focus on anything but her eyes. God, she was so gorgeous. "Your name tag," he added, just to ease her fears about him being a stalker (I mean, he was there almost every week...).

Luke leaned against one of the tables as he waited for Julie to finish closing up. He watched her silently, unable to remove the excited smile from his lips the entire time he waited. When she told him he was ready, he diligently held open the door for her and then waited, hands dug into his front pockets, as she locked up behind them.

There was a coffeeshop right around the corner, and as they both started walking in that direction, there was an unspoken agreement, that was where they wanted to go. Luke hated himself and his weirdly awkward nature on their walk over. He couldn't find any words to say to her, none. He chanced a few glances in her direction, but she seemed content with just walking in silence, so he went with the flow.

Once again, he held the door open for her and smiled when looked at him with amused eyes. Julie headed straight for a table near the window, removing her jacket and setting it on the back of her chair. Luke followed, lingering when she didn't sit back down.

"I can go order," he offered, "What would you like?"

Julie looked up at him with a smirk, and dear God, his knees nearly buckled. "I invited you. It's my treat."

"Oh, come on," he nearly whined. "Let's not do this, please."

Julie pursed her lips. She was a very determined person, and if he didn't know that yet, he'd be quick to learn. "I invited you. It's only fair."

He ran a hand through his hair, shooting her the most charming smile he could manage. "Julie, I've been waiting to take you out for months. Please let me buy you a coffee."

All her determination died there and then on the tip of her tongue.

"Okay," she replied with a cheeky smile. She diligently took a seat. "I'll take an iced coffee, please."

Luke nodded, once again, skipping away from her for the second time that night. He ordered Julie an iced coffee (and a cookie because who doesn't like cookies) and a regular coffee for himself. He was already jittery enough but he could never say no to coffee.

"Here you go." He said softly, placing her treats in front of her.

Julie took a quick sip of her coffee and narrowed her gaze on Luke. "I want to hear more. You said you've been waiting to take me out for months."

Luke had never felt him blush so quickly before in his life. He nearly choked on the coffee he was currently drinking. "It sounds really creepy when you say it like that."

"I know you've been coming to the shop for months," she continued, breaking apart her cookie. She wasn't looking at him, and it honestly made Luke all the more nervous. She made him nervous. "And you've never bought anything, but you're always writing in a book."

"I needed a quiet place to write music and I found your shop."

Julie nodded along, humming. "I catch you looking at me a lot."

Luke scratched the back of his head. "Well, honestly, that's not entirely my fault. I can't help but stare at beautiful things."

Julie looked up at him with a smirk. "That was smooth. I feel like it's only fair I be as honest." She leaned her elbows onto the table, leaning in close. Luke started sweating again. "I always look for you during my shifts."

It was as if the air was entirely knocked out of his lungs. It was the reassurance he was looking for, the acknowledgement that his feelings weren't one-sided, but it was a lot to take in at once.

"You're the reason I come back every week," he admitted, the words flowing freely out of him now that he knew with certainty she felt something for him too.

Julie leaned back in her chair. Her eyes tracked his movements, mostly because she didn't know what to say next. Where do they go from here?

Who makes the next move?

"I'll keep dropping by. But under one condition," Luke reasoned, hiding his smirk with his coffee mug.

Julie found herself leaning in again. There was something about him that was so alluring, always drawing her in for more. "What's that?" She didn't want to give her real answer: anything.

"I'll keep coming by if you give me your number," he told her, running his finger around the rim of his mug. "Maybe go on another date with me?"

Julie didn't reply at first; she kept him waiting until he looked at her with curious eyes. She kept him on the hook, just enough that for a moment, he wavered in his confidence. "I'd love to give you my number."

He let out an obvious sigh of relief. Julie was definitely going to wreck him in the most beautiful of ways.

"And that date?"

Julie clicked her tongue, monitoring the way his eyes absentmindedly dropped to her lips. "I'll decide that after you walk me home. But your chances are looking pretty good."

A delicious smirk crawled over Luke's mouth, and now it was all Julie could focus on.

"Then I guess I should up my game," he winked, shrugging as he added, "Just in case."

When Luke walked Julie home hours later, she confidently latched onto his hand, mostly just to give him an ego boost because he acted like the perfect gentleman all night. And when he lingered at the door, unsure whether it was too soon to kiss her or not, she leaned up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss dangerously close to the corner of his lips.

"How's next Friday night?"

It took Luke a moment to form the words after that, but he was anxiously waiting for her response.

"I'm off at eight, you know where I'll be." Even with all the coy flirting, she couldn't help but shoot him an excited grin.

Luke stuffed his hands back into his front pockets and started retreating down her walkway. "I'll, uh — I'll text you."

Julie leaned against the front door. "I'll be waiting."

And somehow, after months of pining on both ends, all it took was one attempted theft to bring Luke and Julie together.

It would take a lot more than that to separate them now.

x

taglist: @grootsgillespie || @jayhalsteadcpd || @moreflowersthanweeds || @well-hes-just-too-cute || @echocharm17618 || @leopard-print-slippers || @jandthephantoms || @scribblingfangirl || @n0wornever || @simpformolina || @only-trust-fictional-characters || @snowmione18 || @tellurphantoms || @knitsessed || @elitharavenclaw || @wakeupfantoms || @uselessnerdnherblahg || @katie-navarro || @bookwormswillruletheworld || @lmaohuh || @thatsmyverb || @sophiphi || @kybee1497 || @lukewearingbeanies || @sapphireamethystvsco || @constantly-singing || @helloilovejatp || @your-typical-ingenue || @nonickslander || @s-h-a-d-o-w-s || @asdfghjkl-fanfics |

[adaodinson]

It could be exciting

This is just a little something I came up with, I don´t know if I´ll do a second part. English is not my first language so I apologize now for any mistake.

Summary: You are both insanely shy, but what happens when one of you gets made fun of.

Warnings: Swearing, racism, just Bucky and reader being shy and cute as hell.

Relationships: Bucky x Mexican!Reader (this is for the story, there aren´t many dialogues in Spanish but I put the translation next to the phrases).

He walked through the same streets everyday, he liked that routine and liked knowing what to expect when walking to his usual pub where he enjoyed reading, sometimes drinking and even looking at the people walking by. The one day he had to find a different road to get to the pub was the one day you had settled in your new job at the animal shelter. It had recently opened, so Bucky had never seen it, but when he passed by after changing his usual way because of a sidewalk that was being fixed he stood from across the street watching the cats and dogs (separated by a wall but on the fenced garden). He loved animals, he had never owned one though, but he knew he wasn´t specifically a dog or cat person, he was just an animal person.

You were happily walking downstairs from your small apartment (it was over the shelter since the job also offered the option of renting the place upstairs) heading to the cats´ part of the garden. You were too busy looking for the thin red ribbon you knew the cats loved to play with to notice the metal-armed guy looking at the animals. His heart was already throbbing at the sight of the 8-10 cats either sleeping or chasing each other before he saw you, so when you got there, he only got a new reason to stay for longer watching.

You seemed completely in your element, he couldn´t help smiling to himself (widely). You were seating down in the middle of the grass holding the ribbon in the air, moving it from side to side with all the awaken cats seating in front of you, following the bright red thing that was in your hand. Once you had their attention you started moving it across their faces to annoy them, and then you swept it through the floor to make them follow it. You were giggling like crazy at the things they were all doing: standing in two legs when they couldn´t reach the ribbon, turning in their back and rolling, jumping from side to side and even hitting each other while trying to catch the toy.

If he had been happy at how pretty you were, at how comfortable you seemed around the animals and at the beautiful vibe you gave, when you started playing with the cats, moving playfully and clumsily, rolling on your back just like them, petting them, chasing them and letting them crawl on top of you when you were laying on the ground he regrated not having installed a camera on his metal arm just to be able to look at this moment forever. Your laughter was like music to his ears. I don´t even know her name, Jesus. He thought to himself.

He stayed there for God knows how long, but since he was at the other side of the street you never saw him. Oh but he had seen you, and he had already stablished in his mind the new street he would cross everyday from now on.

A few days went by and he did as he promised, he walked down the same street, and even when you weren´t there, he stayed watching the playful creatures for a while (but his heart ached whenever he realized you weren´t there).

You had finally settled everything in your new apartment, there were no boxes left. You sighed and threw yourself at the couch with a groan. You were about to fall asleep (in a pretty uncomfortable position) when you felt little claws jumping on your butt and settling on your back. You could hear the purr coming from Wolfie (who happened to be quite heavy) and you tried to move, but it was too late, when the cat settles on you, you can´t move. You were falling asleep again when your phone started ringing.

-Ugh tiene que ser broma!!!!- (You gotta be kidding me!!!) You shouted as you felt Wolfie jump off of you and you stood up walking over to the table.

-Hello?- You said.

-Hello?- You repeated slightly annoyed.

-Argh no era nadie- (It was nobody). Since you were already up you decided to go to the library, you could use some silence (yes that goes for Elton, that’s always demanding love) and your friend Dani had recommended you a book recently called “The alien”, so you decided to go and find a place where you could buy the book and also seat and read.

It didn´t take you long to find “The pendulum”, a cafe-library that was four blocks away from the shelter. It was great to know there was such a place so close to your place.

You found the book in no time (it was amazing to see they had a section of books in Spanish) , ordered a black coffee with a teaspoon of sugar and sat down in the most hidden table you could find. You weren´t antisocial, just a huge introvert that could sometimes talk to people easily, but that enjoyed not being disturbed, especially when reading.

You were pretty caught up in your book, but the long-haired guy with deep blue eyes certainly was enough to get your attention. He was insanely handsome, like ridiculously, and he seemed to be happy walking through the aisles of book. You smiled to yourself; sure It was great to get to see cute guys every now and then, but that was always it, you weren´t interested in dating, or more specifically, on initiating a conversation with a stranger. He saw you a couple of minutes after he entered the place and immediately recognized you as the shelter girl. He went to ask a girl that worked at the store for the book he need, she had a bored look on her face that made her seem kind of rude, but you didn’t like making assumptions about people..

Of course she had seen the cute guy and had been wandering around him waiting for him to ask anything so she could flirt, but at the moment he only had eyes for the clumsy and funny girl that worked at the shelter. He was shy, like really shy, he had never considered talking to you, he knew exactly what would happen, but he was happy with being able to see you at the shelter and now at the library. He had been walking around for ten minutes and forgot he was actually looking for a book, so he headed to the first worker he saw.

-Hey, I´m looking for a book called “The other side”, it´s pretty old and I haven´t seen it in any shelf- He asked calmly.

-Hey cutie, come with me, I´ll look for it in the computer- She said while tangling her hair with her fingers and smiling.

She seemed nice (at least when she was flirting), and it was none of your business if she wanted to talk to the guy, or if he wanted to talk too. Normally you didn´t care, sometimes the handsome guys you saw would flirt with other girls, sometimes they would flirt with you, but this time there was something about the blue-eyed that made you want to go and help him. Maybe he just seemed shy, but something told you he was different to the other guys you had seen.

-Let´s see- The girl said while typing- Mmmmm it´s only available for Kindle, if you have one you can buy it there. And if you do, we have a gift card for it of 15 dollars in the purchase of any item from the store that´s over 20 dollars-.

-I´m sorry, what´s a Kindle?- The guy asked shily. Okay, he was cute as hell, you thought. He genuinely seemed to not know, not because he was ignorant, but maybe because he was used to actual books, not electronic.

The girl laughed rudely.

-You really don´t know what a Kindle is? Hahahahahaha from what century are you?- She asked while still laughing. You were in the perfect spot to see his face, and that seemed to really affect him. Now that was something you wouldn´t tolerate, you knew what it was, being made fun of for not knowing things. You quickly stood up resting your book on the table and walked over to them. They were pretty close, so it wasn´t weird that you had heard the conversation.

-Hey- you said angrily to the girl- you enjoy making fun of your clients? I´m sure then you know absolutely everything, right?-.

She looked at you a bit shocked, but mainly pissed.

-Aw you´re defending the cute guy? I´m sure that´s the only reason why he would ever notice you- She answered. Oh she´s messing with the wrong one.

-Unlike you, I don´t care if people notice me, and it´s not my problem if you feel the need of being approved by everyone else. I defend him because you´re being an asshole and I know what´s like to be in his place so unless you want me to get you fired leave him alone or help him find what he is looking for-. You stated.

Bucky was impressed at how clever you were, and he couldn´t help the smile that creeped into his face while looking at you.

-Get me fired? Huh- She laughed- It´s my word against yours-

-It´s your word against hers and mine, I wouldn´t be so confident in keeping your job if I were you- Bucky said with a tone that seemed perfect for the occasion. He looked at you in complicity and winked an eye at you. And to be honest, you almost fucking fainted.

-The client´s always right, plus there are cameras here- Shit! You thought to yourself, just what you needed. The fucking accent. You had a pretty good pronunciation, and with the amount of idiots that saw a threat in latin people you were thankful for that, but on that last phrase the accent came out stronger.

-Oh hahahha, so you´re one of those huh, that should get back to their country, that cant even speak English right because they only speak Mexican- She said in between laughter.

-Hey!- Bucky said angrily- if anyone should get out of here is people like you-. You felt your heart jump in your chest and you turned to him with a thankful smile.

-And wait, did you just say “speak Mexican”? HAHAHAHAH It´s Spanish you idiot, and for your information, there is more that one country in Latinamerica. See, that´s being ignorant and racist, she should feel bad, not you-. You said winking at Bucky. He smiled widely and you could have melted at the sight.

-Ugh whatever, get the hell out before I…- She couldn´t finish, because the manager of the store came from behind a shelf and started talking.

-In the name of our store I apologize sincerely for this. Here is the book you were looking for sir, we do have it, and a card for you miss to get a book, both for free-. He continued to apologize and when he finished, he took the girl to his office. Later you would confirm she got fired. After thanking the manager, you went back to your table, followed by Bucky.

-Thank you so much- He immediately said- Seriously, I don´t know how to thank you for what you did-.

-Thank you too for defending me back, and honestly, for being a nice and smart guy other than a racist idiot-.

-Oh you don´t have to thank me for that- He said quietly as he felt his heart beat faster. You were talking to him, to him, directly to him, you, that amazing girl that even before knowing your name you were already wandering in his mind all the time.

-I´m Y/N btw- You said placing your hand in front of him, for him to shake. You were dying for his touch, even if it´s just a handshake. And he was dying too: your name was beautiful, and he was about to touch YOUR hand.

-James, but you can call me Bucky- He said taking your hand as his mind raced with thoughts of how beautiful, smart, nice, kind you were. This was ridiculous, he would normally not even talk to people and now he wanted to know everything there was to know about you. He wanted to tell you he had recognized you from the shelter but thought it would be weird so instead he did something he had never seen himself doing ever again.

-Mmm, would you like to, I don´t know, mmm, only if you want to and if your free, of course, mmm would you like to…- Seriously, could this guy be any cuter.

-I´d love to go out with you- You said slowly, praying for that to be what he was about to ask. You got your answer when his face lit up in a way you had never seen before. And as a result, you´re face turned to a bright red and got covered with an idiotic smile you didn´t know you had.

-You can put your book in my bag, just remind me I have it- Oh he wouldn´t, it was the perfect excuse to have a guarantee he would see you again.

He handed you the book and opened the door for you. You were both smiling like idiots at each other and started walking. You were so lost in each other that none of you had said where you would go or what you would do. You just walked and thanks to God none of you got run over by a car before you agreed to go to a restaurant that had just opened, it would be exciting to try something new, you both thought before heading out to the place.

[iwaisa]

request. HeLLO mAY I PLS GET THE WHOLE ALPHABET WITH SUNA? IF THATS OKAY SKSKSK TY IN ADVANCE 💕 - anon

a/n. HEY NONNIE!! congrats you’re my last sfw alphabet request 🥳🥳 thank you for requesting!!

► now playing... 

a - affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

↳ he’s actually very clingy. he loves seeing you get annoyed with him lol it makes him giddy on the inside. he always drapes himself over you, reaching down to lace his fingers with yours until you’re shoving him off.

b - best friend (what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start?)

↳ he’s definitely seen you around the school before, but why were you with the twins? turns out they were asking for some tutoring help, and upon seeing suna, atsumu told him to join too because he also needed help. he was angry at atsumu for embarrassing him in front of you - his classmate and crush but nothing more. he would always try to get closer to you, telling you he needs more help with english. both you and him know it isn’t true.

c - cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

↳ he loves them <3 he loves laying on his back with your head resting on his stomach/arm.

d - domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

↳ lowkey shy about admitting that he definitely does. because he’s friends with osamu, he’s picked up on a few cooking tricks so yes, he does know how to cook. he cleans everything religiously. his room, his body, everything.

e - ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

↳ he knows he has to end it in person - it’s far more courteous than over the phone. he knows the twins and the rest of the volleyball team will be disappointed to lose their #1 fan, but god didn’t plan for you two to end up together apparently.  

f - fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

↳ he would want to wait until the two of you have enough money, a fully furnished home, and have been living there for about a year. he has it all planned out, plus where and when he will get down on one knee.

g - gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

↳ super gentle and super doting at the same time. he will never snap at you - he’s terrified of what would happen if he did. he knows he looks uninterested whenever you give him affection, but he truly tries to reciprocate it.

h - hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

↳ light but warm!! suna doesn’t accidentally want to crush you because he will. he has an impulse to just *squeeze* but he has to stop himself.

i - i love you (how fast do they say the l-word?)

↳ he actually says it really quickly. he knows, plus he’s been planning to since they day you first got together.

j - jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)

↳ not that jealous, he just puts his guard up. he’ll grab your waist/arm and pull you into his side if anyone tries anything with you. he loves whenever you kiss him in front of someone trying to flirt with him.

k - kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

↳ slowwwww and passionate. suna likes taking it slow, therefore he definitely loves trailing his kisses down from your lips to your jawline, to your neck. he loves being kissed on his neck.

l - little ones (how are they around children?)

↳ really good with them. he’ll talk to them, play with them, the whole shebang.

m - morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

↳ he loves waking up and making the two of you a cute little breakfast <3 the two of you eat together at the table, talking about funny things either of you have said in your sleep.

n - night (how are nights spent with them?)

↳ he loves cooking with you. it doesn’t matter if you’re making dinner based on a recipe from osamu or just heating up some ramen. he just loves talking to you and bonding with you.

o - open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

↳ he might take a month, but he honestly loves holding a conversation with you that the topic just switches and all of a sudden he’s talking about his whole life since he was a baby.

p - patience (how easily angered are they?)

↳ very very patient. he’s forgiving also, but only if he can get a few teasing remarks in.

q - quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

↳ he doesn’t exactly have the best memory, but he teases you for forgetting things </3. he remembers all of the important stuff, but something you said months ago he won’t remember unless it was some excruciating piece of information.

r - remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

↳ the first time you said that you loved him. you listed all of the things you found cute about him, but little did you know that he’s been keeping notes of all of the things you’ve been doing that make his heart flutter.

s - security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

↳ super protective. he will snap anyone’s fingers if they try anything with you and him. he loves when you try to physically block him from anyone’s view and defend him.

t - try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

↳ he tries </3 but that’s all that matters. he loves seeing your face light up each time he introduces a new date idea or gives you a gift that he saw you looking at on your phone.

u - ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

↳ people tend to think he’s unexpressive. once he hears what they think, he avoids them. he starts avoiding people more so they don’t assume the wrong thing about him. he’s very detached from everyone.

v - vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

↳ he’s not concerned, he just makes sure that he looks good for you 🥺

w - whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

↳ he constantly wonders if he’s to blame. was he too bland? too unexpressive? did it come off as him not caring? he did care, and he still does. but he can’t when he knows you’re both supposed to be healing. it’s still fresh after all - and suna isn’t getting over you anytime soon.

x - xtra (a random headcanon for them)

↳ HE LIKES CHUUPET (fruit jelly things) HES SO CUTE GBJWBGJ- anyways. he buys tons of them and just keeps them in a cabinet at home specifically labelled for him.

y = yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

↳ since he actually does really love hanging out with the more chaotic people (atsumu) and the calmer people (osamu, aran, kita, etc.) he doesn’t care if someone is chaotic or calm. he likes em all. BUT,,, he doesn’t really dig people who are pessimistic about everything.

z - zzz (what is a sleep habit of theirs?)

↳ he likes to take extra time brushing his teeth and washing his face to make sure he looks his best. he likes listening to music as he’s falling asleep, but wakes up to take his earbuds out because they start to hurt his ears.

issa’s 200 follower event - now closed

[baepsrae]

Hi ~ sorry to bother you but I was just wondering what are your feelings about sj? I don't know much about them and I only see people either writing them all off as problematic assholes or blindly defending them. You said recently that they're not all bad but you definitely criticise them, so I was wondering what your take is?

Sungmin: loml! He's so talented and funny and pretty like ok can you please calm down king leave something for everyone else!!! He's also really cute and sweet alshsksjsl. He just seems like a genuinely good person tbh. he's just vibing. The PETTINESS of him and saeun on miss trot... Obsessed with his relationship with saeun, they're so good together. they look so in love, and I love how they are just vibin on tiktok!

Truly an underrated legend. Don't don era... truly an iconic look I loved his hair. People say his fashion sense is awful but honestly who else could pull off a mullet and a visor? just look at these looks:

You call it bad fashion sense, I call it innovation. Also his friendship with sunny was always cute to me.

also I know we HATE any "fun" stage where men dress up as women badly, but sungmin was seriously serving looks. before heechul was Gross Predator Confirmed™ a lot of gay kpop stans said fuck suju only heechul and often talked about heechul serving looks in drag.... my man sungmin served much better looks.

heechul wishes he was as a bad of a bitch! Love this man with my whole bisexual heart. subscribe to liu studio on youtube and stream orgel!!! Also he said one of his goals for 2021 is a second solo so TAKE NOTE AND SUPPORT HIM IF HE DOES!

yesung: racist.

ryeowook: ok but vocals! his version of the high notes in it's you... the way he hit them with absolute ease! chefs KISS!! when I was an elf he was second on my bias list, but now it's zhou mi. soft spot for him though.

siwon: homophobic. his friendship with sungmin... I pretend I do not see it.

kyuhyun: kind of a problematic fave? I mean, I don't really keep up with what he's doing because I don't really listen to their new music and I don't really like his solo stuff but... I honestly have a such soft spot for kyu. I like him. I really do! He makes me laugh! and he's really talented like omg his voice 😍 I have conflicting feelings tho... I know that infamous moment with hara on radio star was scripted and he apologised to her. but. it was horrible to see. And It was the start of the witch hunt against hara and... idk. It just feels weird. I'm not blaming him, that would be absolutely out of pocket and the people who I think are obviously much more accountable are netiziens who bullied and harassed her, her abusive ex and the system that let him walk free. but that fact is netiziens hated her after that moment on radio star. I think he's a good person at heart and it was in a script so there was no malice behind what he said... but I think about it a lot. I don't hold it against him or blame him personally, but I often think about it if I think about him for too long. Hindsight is 20/20. I have conflicted feelings. The reason it took me so long to reply is I really want to convey I don't blame him but also we need to acknowledge and analyse what happened here.

Zhou mi: LOVE him. I really do!! Great vibes from him, he seems like a great guy. Truly an icon. Really deserved better and sm absolutely wasted his talent. Rewind and whats your number were the two best solos from any suju member. I love that he vibes with yoongi.

shindong: literally just a sexist and racist loser. get a hobby.

Donghae: again, I have a soft spot. he's ok. great dancer and pretty attractive. he's on thin ice... not for anything specific I just... hmm asqkshsdjsnalkak

eunhyuk: I don't hate him but he doesn't pass the vibe check. tell iu I said get well soon girl!

Heechul: his relationship with momo is gross, we should have known considering how weird he was about sohee. jessica too. I despise him.

Leeteuk: oh god. well here we go. I don't like this man. first of all, known misogynist telling suzy to loose weight?? like? fix ur face before you speak to her!!! he literally gives me fight or flight. last person who should have ever been the leader of a group. I was wary of him because of how the members talked about how he was mean to kyu when he first joined the group, but the fact that he literally admitted that one time sungmin, shindong and eunhyuk were teasing him and it was all fun until he suddenly got annoyed and grabbed eunhyuk by the throat... and not even because eunhyuk specifically pissed him off but because he's the least likely to defend himself and because he knows shindong is bigger than him and sungmin wouldn't fucking hesitate bitch... imagine admitting to that! and then he said eunhyuk was so upset he didn't show up tp work later. I don't blame him! that's scumbag behaviour! that just made me very uncomfortable. Also he was blatantly cold towards and excluded sungmin since his engagement was announced, it was fucking weird. I wasn't surprised at all to find out he was messaging girls who are new to the industry and 13 years younger than him, and apparently he was messaging other younger women as well saying shit like "you should know who I am". I'm not saying he's abusive, idk him like that so that would be a big accusation and out of pocket. but from what I can see there's a pattern of targeting people who are like... more vulnerable than him? and I don't like it.

Past members:

kibum: go girl! give us nothing! interested to see what he brings to masked singer because he like... never sang in suju. glad he's doing stuff and free from sm.

Henry: the violin solo in don't don is iconic! He's racist tho and I don't like him.

hangeng: his solo music is so good. clown mask fucking slaps!!! I'm happy he's happy and I also am relieved that, like sungmin, he's fucking normal and married to a woman the same age as him. Really like him, he passes the vibe check.

Kangin: a terrorist. I despise him. he's not a person he is a list of crimes committed. only think about him when I'm thinking about suju on intimate note talking about how he did NOT pass sungmins vibe check. he's a misogynist and idc about him.

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Save Me From Myself - Leone Abbacchio

The best thing that could ever happen in my life is to become a part of the gang Passione - Or, to be more specific, a part of Buccellati’s team, filled with people with so many past issues that somehow manage to work together and support each other with everything they’ve got, despite their huge differences.

We have, from youngest to oldest, we have:

Giorno, a super cute and pure angel of a kid who is super smart and ambitious. Fugo, a super smart and caring yet hella violent kid who can’t control his temper. Narancia, ADD kiddo who behaves like a 10 year old, but is funny and has nice dance moves. Mista, hella funny guy and easy going, but can get distracted by weird things. Bruno, the mum of the group, everyone loves and looks up to him. And we have Abbacchio, who’s the oldest, acts somehow like the responsible dad of the group, yet he’s more of a very gloomy wine dad.

Of course, being a part of Bruno’s team, we already know each other’s backstories and we know how to support and protect each other when we need it, both morally and emotionally, since, after all, nobody is made of ice or stone.

But that is something that perhaps neither Abbacchio nor I chose to admit...Or maybe we already know that, but we don’t want to say it out loud, because if we do, it will make it real, and we don’t want the bad parts to be real.

When we have pair up missions, I’d usually be paired with Abbacchio, since apparently, we make quite a good team, and can’t say that I complain - He knows when to stay silent, when to make a witty or sarcastic comment, has very nice dark jokes and can be a great conversation partner, especially when it comes to music and bands.

What I realised, however, that I’m not sure everyone knows, is that Abbacchio has a dose of self-hatred so large that it would include the dose of everyone from the team...No, rather said, of all Italy.

Unfortunately, when you’re someone like me, you can easily realise when someone isn’t doing mentally and emotionally too well, and what’s worse, as an empath, you can feel it just like an arrow impaling your heart.

It’s already been about a year since Giorno joined our team and for some reason, things started taking a turn for the unexpected whenever we’d have our weekly restaurant gatherings.

It all started when Mista got himself a girlfriend, and honestly, everyone was shocked because so far, nobody actually had any kind of love life, but we were all super proud and happy for him. He has always been a fun and easy going guy, very adventurous and this charm of his unexpectedly drew interesting girls to him, and managed to get completely head over heels with one.

Three weeks later, Mista couldn’t come to the hang out because he was taking his girlfriend on a date out of the city, but we found out that Giorno, with his really cute tricks and natural innocent charm, found himself in a relationship with a flower girl, very kind and sweet. They met when she was walking her puppy and he pulled on the leash so hard that she fell, but Giorno caught her and helped her out with the puppy, and it was love at first sight.

Of course, we were all very happy for them, because obviously, Giorno deserves the best in life...

And yet, it was weird when we were so few at the table at weekend hang outs.

It didn’t take long for Bruno to fall for a beautiful singer at a jazz bar, who, he found out, always bought meals for children of the streets and bought them clothes and tried to take care of them the best she could.

And now that our Mum friend was busy with his beloved, we are told by Fugo that he also managed to find a girl who is extremely calm, patient and intelligent, just his type, and they are planning a few museum and bookshop dates, as well of some very chill hang outs in the park.

Not even a week later, it was only me, Abbacchio and Narancia at the table, but the little duck was overly enthusiastic today, and told us that he found a girl who doesn’t mind his energetic and airhead personality and wants to take HIM out on an arcade date, and he needs some dating advice so he wouldn’t screw up.

“These kids are so pure and adorable, don’t you think, Leone?” I let out an amused breath, realising that, by now, it was only I and him at the table. “Yeah...They are. they deserve it.” he nodded simply, yet he seemed to not be over with his thoughts. “You seem like you want to say something else. Do you have anything on your mind that you’d like to share?...Hold up, is that lipstick on your neck?” I ask in a gentle voice, that turned into a gasp, which made him hum as he closed his eyes and think over, trying to wipe away the lipstick from his skin. “Well, I suppose I should say it after all. I asked a girl out and we’re going on a date next weekend, so I won’t be present for our weekly hang out...Not that it would make much of a difference, considering we’re the only ones left.” hearing him say that so nonchalantly, broke my heart in very little pieces, but at the same time, I was happy for him. “Woaw, that’s great, I’m so happy for you, Abba! I hope she’s everything you wish for and that you’ll both be happy together!” I congratulated him, but he only let out an amused breath, looking away slightly. “Yeah...Thanks, I guess.” he spoke in a low voice, seemingly absent minded. “You still have something on your mind -... No, rather said, on your heart. Is it something you’d rather keep to yourself?” I ask in a softer voice, leaning a bit on the table. “I’m not sure...” he trailed on, before glancing at him, blinking but not saying anything for a while. “Well, doesn’t matter, I’m not really a talker anyway. I have to go. See you around, Kat.” he nodded at me before leaving the restaurant, leaving me alone. “Bye...” I mutter to myself, staring at the empty seat in front of me.

It was then that I was reminded just how alone I really was, even when surrounded by people that I hold dear, and in turn, hold me dear... Well, not that it really mattered now anyway, since I was truly alone now, both spiritually and physically.

I got up from my seat and started walking around the city aimlessly, not really knowing what to do. When everyone else wasn’t so busy, I’d cling on one of them, depending on the mood I had at the moment...But now?  Now I feel like nothing more than a wingless bird, or a paper plane in the wind, just trying to stay in the air.

Everywhere I looked, everyone was happy, everyone had someone that made them happy, and in turn, would make said person happy... And then I’d think at myself, and I’d find nothing more than an endless void of nothingness.

It’s true, I used to date someone too, before Giorno joined us, but...I never, even once, missed one of our hang outs.  I suppose the team, my family, for me, was always more important than a relationship that may or may not be fleeting. And...I suppose that’s why my ex kept speaking like that to me, and seeing me in such a bad light. A difference in ideals and mind views that is so radical is never going to work out.

I already miss my Family, despite of how dysfunctional we all are.

How odd.

The next weekend, I went to the restaurant at the regular time, hoping that I would see at least one of the guys... But I was merely lying to myself, or my heart, that is. My brain already knew I was going to be alone.

One week, two weeks, three weeks...

The only time I’d meet them is when we’d have to go on missions or stuff like that.

I can’t believe how fast happiness can disappear...It’s almost like it never existed in the first place. How is that fair?

Why am I the only one left alone? Am I really that much of a bad person? Am I really that bad? Or ugly? Or annoying? Or what the hell is wrong with me? And more, what the hell is wrong with my heart? Why does it hurt so much? Why do I keep feeling the need to break down and cry every night with no exception? But I’m not sure what’s worse, the fact that I feel the need to cry my emotions out and scream my frustrations out at the sky... Or the fact that I can’t?

For the love of God, I can’t express my emotions, I can’t feel them, or maybe I feel too many at once and they threaten to explode, hell, I don’t even understand anything anymore.

This...Is really not fair at all...

About two months into this whole mess, I found myself going out by the sea every night, drinking some red wine that Abbacchio always drank and surprisingly, wasn’t too bad for my tastes, and I would just stare at the sky and let my emotions pour out, but not without cursing myself for looking like an alcoholic.

What was different that night, however, was a very familiar voice that seemed rather irked, continued by a very pitched and nagging female voice.

It sounded like Abbacchio...But I could always be mistaken. After all, drinking a whole bottle of red wine by myself wasn’t the smartest thing to do.

They seemed to be arguing...I don’t know...I wouldn’t want to intervene in their couple affairs. Or at least, that’s what I said, until I heard a loud slapping sound, followed by a deathly silence, which is when I realised that the woman he was with slapped him.

I may not be his girlfriend, but godamn it, nobody treats my family like that...

I marched to where the sound of the woman yelling at him came from, and despite possibly being a bit wobbly, I wasn’t even sure, I glared at her, catching her wrist before she could slap him once again.

“Who the hell are you?! Who do you think you are, getting between me and my boyfriend like that?! You look like some drunk slut from the highway, we have no money for your cheap ass!” she shrieked in my face, trashing violently, but I made no hostile move, except for glaring blankly at her. “He’s my family...And I’ll be dead before I allow anyone to treat my family with such disrespect.” I spoke in a low and threatening voice, gripping her wrist tighter. “It’s fine, Katrina, I deserved it.” Abbacchio tried to defend his girlfriend, but I was having none of it. “No, it’s not fine. And you didn’t deserve it. Nobody deserves to be treated like that by the person they love.” I reply simply, but that seemed to make hell break loose. “Oh my GOD! Leone, this is all your fault! Who the hell made you know such a fucking annoying chick like her who doesn’t mind her own damn business?! Screw it, I’m going home! You owe me a nice fucking date next time!” she screamed at the top of her lungs, before pushing me away and stomping in the opposite direction. “God damn it...” Abbacchio’s low voice was barely audible. “Are you okay, Abba...? Does it hurt where she slapped you? Can I heal it with my Stand?” I tried to reach out instinctively with my hands, but he slapped them away harshly, glaring at me, which made me widen my eyes in shock. “Abba...?” I was barely able to speak out. “What the fuck is your problem?! Why do you have to put your nose everywhere that doesn’t concern you? That was MY girlfriend! My date, my problem, my responsibility! ALL mine! You never stop trying to pry into others’ business, under the pretext that we’re family and you want the best for us, but have you ever thought that maybe we DON’T need OR want that?!” it was the first time he spoke so harshly and aggressive toward me, that I had to take a few steps back, away from him, then turn around to hide the tears streaming down my face. “Okay. I won’t bother you ever again. I’m sorry I’m such a bother for everyone around me. Goodbye.” I manage to speak in a shaky voice, as I started walking back towards the place where I stood previously, but I was stopped by a hand on my shoulder. “W-Wait...Are you crying...?” Leone spoke in an unsure voice, as if he was somehow taken back to reality. “That shouldn’t concern you, should it? It’s none of your business and you shouldn’t pry so much into it. That IS what you said, right, Abbacchio? Who cares about poor little, annoying Katrina, after all? Nobody. Let it remain that way. Who knows, maybe you’ll have the look to completely get rid of me very soon.” I slapped his hand away, before disappearing into the night, not even bothering to hear him out anymore.

From then on, I wasn’t even able to fake my happiness, my face remaining blank and emotionless for most of the time, and I’d only stay around the team for as long the mission needed me, and then I’d just leave back home, to my little safe heaven where I could be myself... But honestly, I couldn’t even be myself there, for I wouldn’t even be able to cry out my feelings or anything of the sort, and for the most time, I’d just watch a movie or listen to music, without feeling anything at all, just wasting my time blankly.

The other guys would voice their concerns quite often and loud, since I wasn’t my usual calming, gentle and happy go lucky self anymore, and it was clear that something was wrong...Especially when I refused to stay anywhere near the silver haired man.

It wasn’t until Bruno paired me up with said man that hell broke loose in a way, and the whole drive to the assigned place was filled with awkward silence, with Abbacchio trying to make conversation by asking if I like the song that’s on or I want to change it, but I didn’t bother giving him any answer, merely looking in front of me as I drove.

By the time we got to the docks to investigate the place, I walked away from him to do my job, but he just stood there, staring into the horizon, trying to say something, but something was keeping him - Most likely his own walls he created.

“We should talk.” he finally spoke up after excruciating minutes. “Really?” I asked sarcastically, now even bothering to look at him. “What were you doing at the beach that night?” he asked after a long pause. “Strictly confidential.” I replied blankly, looking at the little dock house. “What...?!” my response seemed to shock him since I was never so harsh and direct with him, always preferring to speak with a gentler and softer way. “It’s none of your business, is it? Your words, not mine.” I explained as I got inside and looked around the place. “I didn’t mean that. Not a word I said.” he tried to say, but I cut him off fast. “Activate your Stand already, stop wasting time.” I got out, looking at him with a bored expression. “Besides, words spoken always have a meaning and consequences. Action-Reaction, like in Physics, y’know?” I pointed out, as I took a seat on one of the logs around. “Look, I know I fucked up. I lashed out at you for no reason, and I’m sorry about that. I want to make it up to you. You were right to worry about me. Anyone from the team would have done the same. I was an asshole with you, I know that. I let my feelings go out of control... I'm just that kinda guy... a worthless guy who can't see anything through to the end. I always screw it up halfway through.” he spoke now more than I’ve ever heard him before, but the way he described himself made me cringe. “Don’t...Speak like that about yourself...” I muttered, shifting my gaze from him to Moody Blues. “Huh? Even now, after I was such an asshole with you, you try to protect me? Aren’t you an angel?” he chuckled lightly, which only made me sneer. “Shut up. I’m sorry for caring about you and for not wanting you to go through what I’ve been through. But I should’ve known better. You’re 21, you already have enough experience to know what you get yourself into. I won’t say a word next time, don’t worry. I promised not to bother anyone again.” I rolled my eyes, crossing my legs to get more comfortable in my seat. “That guy really was a bastard, wasn’t he...?” he muttered with a somehow softened expression. “Don’t try to turn this around. This conversation isn’t about me and nor should you be concerned about me or my feelings in any way.” I reminded him once again, but he was always a stubborn guy. “Lately, I’ve been feeling worse and worse...I guess I just needed a distraction. I never held any feelings for that woman, nor did she for me.” he tried to justify himself, but I merely shrugged. “I don’t see how that concerns me in any way.” I scoffed in annoyance. “You’re the only one I’d trust with my feelings.” he spoke after a brief silence, but I could only laugh sardonically. “Oh, really? Really, now? Are you sure you want to say that after that night? Because, as far as I’m concerned, you want me out of your life! Why would you even bother trying to justify your actions to someone like me anyway?!” I got up, glaring at him dead on. “Look, I give you every right to be mad at me! You can go ahead and punch me or kick me or slap me or whatever, it doesn’t matter, I won’t feel anything so if it will make you feel better, lash out your anger on me, I’d deserve it anyway.” he spoke a bit louder, yet he wore his raw feelings on his sleeve. “Why...Would I do that? You, of all people, should know that I would never, in a million years, do something like that, no matter how angry I am. Are you trying to mock me...?” I narrowed my eyes at him, but he merely shook his head. “I’m trying to get you to forgive me. I’m just very bad at this whole feel-thing...Or people-thing. You already know my past and I’m pretty sure you figured by now why I act the way I act. It’s not rocket science. So just...Tell me what to do to get you to forgive me and be the way we were before. I can’t stand the idea of you hating me.” his voice became much softer and more emotional by the end of it, something uncharacteristic of him. “I don’t hate you.” I looked down, crossing my arms. “You don’t...?” he stepped forward, his face shocked. “I can’t. No matter how much I want to hate you for what you did...I can’t.” I mutter, biting my lip, averting my eyes away from him, until...”Hey...Doesn’t that look oddly enough like your girlfriend...?” I ask breathlessly as Moody Blues took the shape of the girl at the beach. “Oh, great...My hookup is a villain Stand user. Great news.” he facepalmed in anger, before he ran full speed towards me, pushing me away. “Look out!” “Wh-What...?! Leone...?!” I gasped in shock, seeing him on the ground, a really ugly wound on his torso. “Guess we have to kill her.” he chuckled weakly, as I could feel a drop of sweat run down my back. “Damn it, you idiot! You shouldn’t have done that! Why the hell would you do something like that?!” I freaked out, looking at his bleeding wound. “I’ll tell you if I make it through this.” he wore the ghost of a smile that almost challenged me. “...You always know how to irk me the wrong way, don’t you?” I grit my teeth, before I got up, activating my Stand. “I’m not a violent person, chickadee, but now you’ve done it. You really got me mad.” I growled, creating blasting shots of water and throwing them at the woman in front of me. “Awww, what is it? Were you jealous, after all? Were you after my man all this time~?” she giggled, throwing her own blasts of whatever kind of energy that was. “I have no reason to be jealous. Especially not on someone like you.” I smirk as I made molecules of water depart from the actual blast, that would glue themselves on her skin and would get absorbed into her organism. “Oh, really? Can you really afford to say that, even now, knowing that he fucked me?” she laughed condescendingly, but she had no idea what a gruesome demise she’d have. “I almost pity you, you know? You seem like the kind of person who never knew what love is...Not that I’m sympathetic to you in any way. But sure, use that as an excuse to pretend you’re not just an empty shell of yourself.” I chuckled, before snapping my fingers together, which made her explode. “Au revoir.” I flipped my hair, looking at the place she was at just a few seconds ago, before rushing to the fallen ally. “That was pretty cool.” Abbacchio smirked breathlessly. “Guess my plan worked. I tried to look cool in front of you.” I let out an amused breath, before I took off his top, focusing the water to regenerate the cells on his wound so he would heal. “It worked damn well.” he said in a lower voice, watching me heal his wound. “Next time, don’t do that. I almost had a heart attack.” I bit my lip, not daring to meet his gaze. “It’s fine...I don’t feel anything. I haven’t in a long while.” he tried to make light of the situation, but I knew. I knew the truth, but I couldn’t say anything.

I didn’t even realise that I stopped healing him until tears started falling down my cheeks without any means to stop.

“H-Hey, why are you crying? I was joking, don’t take me so seriously-” he tried to take that back, but I knew better. “Don’t do that...Don’t. Just don’t. I already know...I know that so much that it hurts...” I manage to speak, hiding my face with my hands, not wanting him to see me crying. “Hey, come on...No need to cry over someone like me. Your pretty face should shine with a smile all the time, not cry.” he put his arms around me, pulling me to his chest. “Don’t act so brave in front of me, it’s annoying. Not when I already know how much you’re hurting...I understand you so well...I’m just too scared to say it out loud...But lately, I couldn’t even pretend that it’s not true. That’s why...I wanted to protect you from everything bad that would make you feel even worse...” I tried to explain myself, until I felt a kiss on the top of my head. “Look, I’ll be frank. I love you. I’m done hiding. I didn’t want to say anything ‘cause you deserve better, not a depressed guy who’s stuck in the past. You deserve someone bright and caring like Buccellati who’d treat you like a princess and all that. I’m not worthy of your feelings.” he stroked my hair gently, pouring all his feelings out. “Don’t...Say that...Ever again. Look at me...You think I’m any better? Do you have any idea how lonely I’ve felt all this time since you all got too busy for your family? Do you have any idea how bad I felt without you guys around? As if before that wasn’t bad enough...Now I’ve become an even greater mess. I either cry randomly, or feel nothing at all. I don’t even know what I am or what I feel anymore...And you say you’re no good for me? Did you hit your head too or what?” I spoke out everything I had to say, not even feeling embarrassed or scared anymore. “Don’t say that...You will regret it later on. I can’t even help myself, how could I possibly support you emotionally in any way?” he asks in a self-deprecating tone. “You’re impossible...” I sigh dramatically, as I raise my head and cupping his face, I capture his purple-painted lips in a tender kiss, with enough passion to show him that I mean it, but gentle enough, almost as if afraid that either of us would break from the pent up emotions that kept overwhelming us. “Are you sure...?” he mutters, his eyes wide in surprise. “If you want another one, you can just say so.” I smirk softly, before he put one arm around me, while his other hand was on the back of my head, and he pulled me into another kiss, just as full of love. “Do I really have to ask?” he let out an amused breath. “No. I’ll just let you steal them.” I could feel the ghost of a side-smile creeping on my face as I helped him get up from the ground. “Well, mission complete. Let’s go back home now. We gotta report to our dear Capo, after all.” I intertwined my fingers with his. “There’s gonna be a lot of explaining to do. How bothersome.” he said, yes the chuckle betrayed his words. “Hey, I’ll just look at the bright side. I won’t have to sit at the restaurant table by myself anymore.” I shrugged with an innocent smile on my face. “Low blow, tesoro. Low blow.” he shook his head, yet he was smiling, just as much.

[angelsandacceptance]

After School Special

“So?” Dean asks. 

Sam shrugs. “I think she's telling the truth. I mean, the way she talked about being there mentally but not physically -- kind of sounds like demonic possession to me.”

“Kind of?” Chase asks. “How is it kind of a demon possession?”

“She didn't see any black smoke or smell sulfur,” Sam explains. 

“Maybe it's not a demon. I mean, kids can be vicious,” Dean says. 

“Yeah, they’re terrifying,” Harley says. 

“You were one of those terrifying ones, Harley,” Chase laughs. “I’ve heard the stories.”

“Well, I mean, we're already here. Might as well check out the school,” Sam suggests. 

“Right, the school,” Dean says shortly. 

“What?” Sam asks.

“Truman High, home of the Bombers,” Dean says with distaste. 

“What’s your point?” Chase asks. 

“I mean, we went there, like... for a month a million years ago. Why are you so jazzed to go back?” Dean asks.

“We were only there for a month, so why are you so opposed?” Chase asks. 

“Because it’s school and we have a connection to it. Why should I want to go back?”

“It’s worth looking into,” Sam points out. 

“All right, well, what's our cover? FBI? Homeland Security? Swedish exchange students?” Dean asks. 

“Yes, Dean, because you, a thirty year old grown ass man, can pass as a high school student. From Sweden.”

“Do you even know Swedish?” Harley asks.

“Don’t worry,” Sam says. “I have an idea.”

“That’s worrisome,” Chase says. 

“How?” Sam asks defensively. 

“Because it’s you. And I don’t trust either of you,” Chase says, pointing at the boys. 

“Do you trust me?” Harley asks.

Chase regards her with a cautious look. “Only on Tuesdays.”

“So, Sammy, what’s this idea of yours?” Harley asks.

Sam shoots Harley an annoyed look. “It’s Sam. You know it’s Sam.” He shakes his head. “Whatever. So, get this.”

***

The Impala drives up in front of a large school, Truman High School boldly proclaimed on the building’s entrance. Dean, Chase, and Sam climb out of the back, backpacks tugged around shoulders, wary looks on their faces. 

“Thanks, Dad,” Dean says, taking lead and walking in front of the younger Winchesters. “You two got your books?” Dean asks them. “Lunch? Butterfly knife?”

“Yeah, Dean,” Sam says, rolling his eyes. 

“You two are being quiet. You okay?”

“Sure,” Sam says at the same time Chase answers, “Better than your face.”

“My face is beautiful, okay?”

“Sure.”

“Seriously, you okay?”

“Sure,” Sam repeats with emphasis. 

“Sammy…” Dean starts. 

“I mean, look, this is the third school we've been to this year, and it's only November. I'm just sick of always being the new kid.”

“It does kind of suck,” Chase agrees. “I’m never able to make friends. No one wants to be friends with the freak who doesn’t know how to keep quiet, and if they do, I can’t keep contact with them longer than a couple weeks.”

“Who needs friends when you have us?” Dean smirks.

“You’re boys. I can’t exactly talk to you about all my problems, Dean.”

“And people pick on me!” Sam exclaims. 

“You'll be fine. If anyone gives you any trouble, you let me know. Relax. Dad said this hunt will take him two weeks, tops. As soon as he gets back, we're out of here.”

“To another school. Awesome,” Sam says, tugging his backpack tighter to his body. 

Once separating from her brothers as they each go to their individual classes, Chase finds herself alone in front of the classroom, twenty pairs of eyes staring her down. Judging her. Inspecting her.

God, she hates teenagers. 

“Is there anything you want to tell us about yourself, Char-”

“Chase. My name is Chase Winchester. Please address me as such.”

“Of course,” the teacher hesitates, unused to being talked to by students like that, but she continues quickly. “Well, go on and tell us three facts about yourself.”

Chase turns to the class, a half smile on her face. “Hi! I’m Chase. I like learning but hate school, love cats, and fighting.”

“What kind of fighting?” A boy in the back of the class asks. 

Chase looks to the teacher out of the corner of her eye, only to be encouraged by a wide smile. 

“Y’know,” Chase mumbles, suddenly shy. “Like fist fighting and shooting and stuff.”

“Shooting? Like guns?”

‘Great, Chase, go ahead and label yourself the freak. Why didn’t you say something normal?’

“Uh,” Chase stalls for time. “Yeah? My dad takes me and my brothers to the shooting range.”

“That’s great, Chase! Go ahead and take your seat.”

Chase does so quickly, face slightly red from embarrassment, and pulls out a notebook, hastily busying herself so she can avoid questions and eye contact. 

***

Harley’s students enter the class room. “Hello everyone, I’m Ms. Wyllt. Today we will be joined by Ms. Scourie and her 3rd period Creative Writing class. You’ll be grouped together in fours, and yes, you can choose your partners.”

A wave of excitement rushed through the class. “You’ll be writing your own unique scenes and acting them out! This project will be due two weeks from now.”

A knock comes from the classroom door, and Harley goes to open it revealing Chase and her class. Everyone enters the theatre room and Chase and Harley go off on their own.

“We’re like the best teachers ever,” Harley says, seeing best friends pair up immediately.

“We are,” Chase agrees.

***

High school was an interesting place for Harley. It was simultaneously the worst and best years of her life. She was depressed and suspended from school, but she found someone who she would give anything, just for her to be happy. She found a daughter. The light of her life and her best friend in the universe.

She found a wonderful friend group who she would die for. Discovered music and made many a memory. At this specific moment she was remembering staying the night at Adina’s.

They were in her basement, Adina was giving Harley a stick and poke of a treble clef.

“Does that hurt?” Adina asks.

“Honestly, this is the most relaxed I’ve ever been. Maybe it’s the sauna, maybe it’s being out of the house, or maybe it’s you. I don’t really care, I might fall asleep before you finish,” Harley responds.

Adina laughs.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I’m adopting you. You are now my child,” Harley says mostly serious with a hint of joking.

“Okay?”

“I’m serious, you are the light of my life and you make being alive worth it.”

“Aww, thanks!”

“Any time.”

***

Winchesters and Co. sat in the teacher’s lounge eating sloppy joes.

“So, Harley and I are the best teachers.”

“Why, what’d you do?” Dean asks, mouth full.

“Dean, really?” Chase asks. “You’re a pig.”

“Sounds like one at night too,” Sam laughs. 

“I mean not really,” Harley defends.

“Yeah!” Dean exclaims. “It’s Chase that’s bad!”

“I’m not that bad!”

“None of you are bad or I’ve just gone deaf?” Harley says unsure.

“Deaf. Definitely deaf,” Sam says. “These two are both awful.”

Chase sticks her tongue out at her younger brother. 

“So, Sam, did you find any sulfur?” Harley asks.

“I've been over the entire school twice. No sulfur,” Sam answers.

“No sulfur, no demon. No demon, no case,” Dean states.

“I don't know. Maybe I was wrong.”

“Well, it happens to the best of us. I say we hit the road, huh?”

“Fine by me,” Harley adds.

***

“How’s the nonviolence school assembly going?” Sam asks, as though joking.

Chase smacks his arm. 

“What?” Sam asks. “Too soon?”

“Yes, Sam. Too soon.”

“Apparently, shoving a kid's arm into a Cuisinart is not a ‘healthy display of anger.’ So, the kid had ectoplasm leaking out his ear?” Dean asks. 

“Which only comes from a really pissed off ghost,” Chase says.

“It’s got to be ghost possession,” Harley concludes. 

“Yeah, but that’s pretty rare,” Dean hesitates. 

“Yeah, but it happens. I mean, they get angry enough, they can take control of a person's body,” Sam says. 

“Alright, so what, we got a ghost in the building?” Dean asks. 

“Yeah, but where? I mean, there's no EMF. Maybe we could find out who it is, at least. You know, check and see if somebody died bloody around here or something.”

“Way ahead of you. I had to break into the principal's office to get this. Oh, and FYI, three of the cheerleaders are legal. Guess which ones,” Dean smirks, pulling a paper out of his pocket. 

“No,” Sam deadpans.

“Oh!” Chase exclaims. “Is the cute black haired one with the hazel-y green eyes?”

“Yes,” Dean smiles, giving Chase a high five. 

“Knew it.”

“I love you,” Harley laughs.

“Why thank you,” Chase and Dean chorus. They turn to each other. “She was talking to me! No, she wasn’t. Yes, she was!” They turn back to Harley. “Harley?”

“I love when y’all talk at the same time.”

“That doesn’t answer our question,” They both say. They turn to each other again, but say nothing, opting to stick their tongues out at each other instead. 

“Are you sure I’m the youngest?” Sam sighs.

“Pretty sure, Sammy,” Dean says. 

“Moving on,” Sam replies. 

“So, there was only one death on campus. It was a suicide back in '98. Some kid named Barry Cook,” Dean notices Sam’s face fall, “What?”

“I knew him. How did he die?”

“He slit his wrists in the first-floor girls' bathroom.”

Harley swats Dean on the arm, “Even I have more tact.”

“And that’s saying something,” Chase mentions. 

“Right where the chick got swirly-ed to death, exactly. So, what? This ghost is possessing nerds?”

“And using them to go after bullies,” Harley adds.

“Well, is that something Barry would do?” Chase asks. 

“Barry had a hard time,” Sam says. 

“Didn’t we all?” Chase asks.

***

Chase walks down the hallway, shooting a smile at her brother, Sam, who is walking with a boy his age. He waves back to her. ‘At least he made a friend,’ she thinks to herself.

Unlike her at that moment. Ever since her slip up in her first period, all of the girls avoided her, and the boys only talked to her if they wanted to make fun of her. Well, for the most part.

“So, are you sure you don’t want to go out sometime?” a boy in her science class, (Lucas?) asks her.

“For the last time, no. I’m not interested,” Chase says, opening her locker and putting her books away. She grabs her textbooks for the next class, pointedly ignoring Lucas (Definitely Lucas, Chase thinks). 

Lucas grabs her wrist, pulling her towards him. “C’mon, one date.”

“I said no. You have one second to let go of me.”

“Not until you say yes.”

“One,” Chase says. Lucas has enough time to narrow his eyes in confusion before Chase’s fist meets his face.

***

“You punched him?” The vice principal asks.

“Yes,” Chase responds, not missing a single beat. 

“And you say the only thing he had been doing was holding your wrist? Because he wanted to get your attention?” He looks down at the written report of the situation, which both students had to write.

“No,” Chase says, confused. “He wasn’t just holding my wrist. He was touching me without my consent. And he had my attention. He just didn’t like my answer.”

“You could have pulled away.”

“I tried to, but-”

“I’m sorry, Miss Winchester, but violence is not the response to unwanted attention. I know you’re new here, but this is your only warning. If something like this happens again, you’ll be suspended. For right now, however, you have detention everyday for two weeks and you have to have your guardian sign this copy of the report.”

“But this report says I punched him, but doesn’t say what he did.”

“Because what he did was not enough to warrant a report. What you did was.”

“Bullshit.”

“Language. Last warning. Suspension is on the line. Now, go.”

***

“Hey,” Harley greets her mom.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“You got suspended.”

“That’s bullshit. I’m suicidal, that’s not exactly against the rules.”

“You did mention jumping down the stairwell.”

“I know, but it might not kill me. I want to know I won’t come back.”

“Claire,” Harley’s mom sighs.

“I just want to be done. I’m so tired of living.”

“I know.”

“What’s wrong with me? I have so little empathy. Or sympathy? Whichever one it is. And the voices never shut up always, always, always telling me to kill, kill, kill. And I want to. I want to hurt people. To see them scream. I want to watch the light leave their eyes and hear that final breath escape. I want to feel the warmth of their blood across my skin.”

“They’re just thoughts, Claire.”

“They’re not though. They’re voices and feelings. They’re primal urges that I have so much trouble controlling. They’re proof I’m a monster.”

“You aren’t a monster.”

“Then why do you insist on me eating raw steak instead of buying me blood?”

“Because drinking blood is evil.”

“But I need to do it to survive. So doesn’t that make me evil?”

“No.”

***

The four hunters, each pair in their own vehicle, drive to the graveyard where they know the remains of Barry Cook lie. The air is thick with tension in the Impala, while the girls don’t think much of the situation. 

“So, after this, you want to get pie?” Chase asks.

“Umm… Duh?” Harley answers.

“Do you want to invite the boys or do you want to avoid Dean still?”

“I think Dean and I are fine, I mean he hasn’t said anything since we talked it over.”

“That’s good. I was about to suggest couple’s therapy.”

“We aren’t a couple.”

“Close enough,” Chase waves her hand, shrugging. “Anyway, we’re almost there. I don’t know about you, but I don't want to dig up a grave. How do we get the boys to do it for us?”

“Rock, paper, scissors?”

“Coin toss?” Chase pauses. “No, I like rock, paper, scissors. I always know how to win against Sam. He always does rock.”

“And Dean always chooses scissors.”

***

Sam and Dean dig where the grave of Barry Cook is, while the girls watch in mild amusement.

“Why did we agree to this?” Dean asks. 

“I didn’t,” Sam says.

“Less talking, more digging, boys,” Chase calls to them. They both turn to look at her with a bitch face, before turning back to the dirt. Suddenly, two shovel-fulls of dirt fly through the air to land on Chase, most of it getting in her hair. “You bastards!” she swears, spitting dirt out of her mouth. 

“Less talking, more digging,” Dean says.

“And we’re digging,” Sam finishes. 

Eventually, after about an hour, there’s a loud clunk as a shovel hits the hard wood of a coffin.

“Okay, our turn,” Harley says, nudging Chase forward. Chase grins and takes a matchbox out of her pocket.

“That smile means we should definitely never trust you with fire,” Dean says as the boys climb out of the hole. 

“Oh well,” Chase shrugs. 

Harley pours salt and gasoline on the remains, while Chase  lights a match, her grin growing in width. 

Dropping the match, Chase and Harley step back as flames leap into the air. The smell of charred bones and flesh and gasoline looms over them as the four hunters walk away from the scene. Going back into their individual cars, the group is quiet. 

***

Jack and Baby were parked on a hill a little ways away from a bridge. Sam is shirtless because Harley is sewing up the stab wound he sustained from a girl possessed by the ghost.

“Only you are nerd enough to get stabbed by a compass,” Chase scoffs.

“Compass? Compasses can’t do that,” Dean says.

“A math compass, Dean. As in, an instrument to draw circles.”

Dean pointedly ignores Chase. “Here, this will make you feel better,” he says. Sam nods, taking the beer. “That ghost is dead!” Dean practically growls. “I’m gonna rip it’s lungs out. Well,” he pauses. “You know what I mean.”

“You do realize the most we can do is put it to rest,” Harley points out continuing her work.

“It knew my name, guys. My real name. We burned Barry’s bones. What the hell?” Sam says.

“Maybe we missed something. We could have been wrong about Barry,” Chase says. “We just got to go back.”

Dean, looking through paperwork, suddenly gasps. “No way, how did we not see this before?”

“See what?” Harley asks.

“Check it out -- Look, Martha Dumptruck, Revenge of the Nerds, and Hello Kitty -- they rode the same bus.”

“Okay, so maybe the bus is haunted,” Sam suggests. 

“Well, that would explain why there's no EMF at the school, but not the attacks. I mean, ghosts are tied to the places that they haunt. They can't just bail.”

“Actually,” Chase starts.

“Actually,” Dean mimics in a high pitched voice. No one laughs. Chase gives him a look, unamused. Dean sighs, “Continue.”

“Actually,” Chase says again, emphasizing the word and shooting Dean another look, “there's lore about spirits possessing people and riding them for miles, then whenever they leave the body, they're bungeed back to their usual haunt. But until then, the ghosts can go wherever they want.”

“So a spook just grabs a kid on the bus and walks right into Truman?” Dean asks, not convinced.

“Well, yeah,” Chase says.

“Ghosts getting creative -- well, that's super,” Dean says sarcastically. 

“Sounds possible,” Harley says, agreeing with Sam and Chase. 

“You’re supposed to be on my side!” Dean pouts. 

“I’m on my side,” Harley says, sticking her tongue out at him.

***

“Do you see anything?” Chase calls to the boys, who are inside the bus. 

“It’s definitely not clean,” Sam responds. 

“Here, ghosty, ghosty, ghosty! Come out, come out, wherever you are!” Dean calls.

“Yes, Dean, because saying ‘Here, ghosty, ghosty’ is sure to make it appear. Maybe it’s Casper the friendly ghost!” Chase says in a heavily sarcastic tone.

“Or the Boo Brothers,” Harley adds.

“Got anything better?” Dean asks, before adding, “Nice one,” at the end of his statement.

“Man, I don't get it. No one ever died on this bus, and it's not like there's a body hidden in here,” Sam says.

“Or is there?” Chase asks ominously.

“Yeah, but a flap of skin, a hair, I mean, hell, a hangnail -- something's got to be tying the ghost to this place. We just got to find it.”

“I really hope it’s not a hangnail,” Harley says.

“I dunno,” Chase says. “Hangnail’s better than a ‘flap of skin’.”

“I’d rather deal with the skin, thank you very much.”

“Got a new driving permit. Issued two weeks ago,” Dean says from the front of the school bus. The girls go over and peer at the papers in Dean’s hand.

“Isn’t that just before the first attack?” Chase asks.

“Yeah,” Dean says. “Name of the bus driver is Dirk McGregor Sr., 39 North Central Avenue.”

“McGregor?” Sam asks.

“Yeah, why?”

“I knew his son.”

“Did you know everybody at this school?” Dean asks.

“How’d you remember his name?” Chase asks incredulously.

“And his last name, at that,” Harley adds.

“Just because your guys’ attention span is that of a gnat and your memory like a goldfish, doesn’t mean I can’t remember things.” He pauses. “Besides, do you not remember anyone you went to school with?”

***

Harley spent her Valentine’s Day junior year watering a bouquet of purple roses from every water fountain she could find. Everyone wanted to know where she got them and every time she had the same response, “They’re for Julia.”

She was careful and tore off every faulty petal in order to make sure the bouquet was perfect. It was at the end of the day when she finally could give Julia her gifts. One of which was a card asking her to be Harley’s girlfriend.

“Hey,” Julia says.

“Hey,” Harley responds.

“I adore the card.”

“I’m glad. So what’s your answer?”

“I really don’t want you to feel like I’m stringing you along, I’m moving in four months, back to Washington. I just don’t want to get attached and hurt you.”

“It’s fine, I might move too, but who’s to say we can’t make the most of the time we have here?”

“I just don’t want to waste time on something if I know it has a deadline. You know? I still wanna be friends.”

“Yeah, I guess, do you mind if I take a day or two though?”

“Take your time. I’m here though.”

“Thank you,” Harley says before leaving as her heart silently breaks.

***

“So that’s it then,” Chase says, disbelief written on her face.

“Well, yeah,” Nathaniel says. 

“You’re just done. With us. With everything?” Chase’s voice is drenched in desperation, as though if she argued her way through it, he’d change his mind.

“There isn’t anything there anymore.” Nathaniel’s face is like stone- like always. His blue eyes guarded, mouth in a thin line.

“Well, you could’ve fucking told me that in the beginning instead of leading me on!”

“I never led you on!” Nathaniel says, finally showing some semblance of an emotion, causing a surge of pride in Chase’s chest. Not many people were ever able to get under his skin, let alone in a way for him to care enough to defend himself.

“Then what do you call two days ago? Saying you liked me. Spouting that bull about talking to my dad and brothers!”

“I just decided that this isn’t working out.”

“Decided,” Chase repeats. “Decided? You don’t just decide these things, Nathaniel. They’re emotions! You can’t just flip off your emotions like a switch!”

“I didn’t. I’ve felt like this for a while.”

“Oh, so we’re backtracking to the leading me on part, are we?”

Nathaniel groans, running a hand through his hair. 

“No, you don’t get to be frustrated. You’re the one that promised you’d be there. You’re the one that promised you wouldn’t leave. You said nothing I said or did could make you leave, so what the hell? What do you call this?”

“I call this deciding it’s not working out!”

“Fuck you, Nathaniel. You’re a poor, pathetic, useless, spineless, son of a bitch! Everyone who ever said you weren’t worth it, were right! You weren’t! I thought you were different, but whoops. Guess the joke’s on me, huh?” Chase turns to leave.

“You don’t get to have the last word in this.”

Chase turns back to look at Nathaniel over her shoulder, tears falling down her face. “You knew full well. No, you know full well that I am in love with you. That all I wanted was for you to be happy, and for you to be in my life. I didn’t start this romance shit. You did. So, if this is the end of so much time, so much fucking time and effort, of my life I spent fighting with you, hating you, loving you, and being on and off friends with you, then know this. You’re ending this. You’re the reason this got fucked up. Not me.”

“You and I both know that this is your fault,” Nathaniel says.

Chase just ignores him and walks away, backpack slung over her shoulder, and her heart on the pavement behind her.

***

The four hunters sit on McGregor’s couch; Chase and Sam on the left side of the couch, while Dean, who has his arm around Harley as they are holding hands, takes up the right alongside Harley.

“So, you were friends with Dirk?” McGregor asks.

“Yes, sir, in high school,” Sam replies.

“I don't recall Dirk having many friends at Truman.”

“When did, uh -- when did Dirk pass?” Dean asks.

“He was eighteen.”

“What happened to him?” Chase asks.

“Well, there was, first, drinking, then drugs, and then too many drugs. And then he just slipped through my fingers. It was my fault. I should have seen it coming, you know? Dirk, he, uh -- he had his troubles.”

“Troubles?” Harley prods.

“School was never easy for Dirk. We didn't have much money, and, well, you know, kids -- they can be cruel. They picked on him.”

“They picked on him?” Sam asks, surprised.

“They called him poor and dirty and stupid. They even had a nickname for him -- Dirk the jerk. And after what happened to his mother, he…” McGregor cuts himself off.

“His mother?” Chase asks.

“Yeah, Jane, my wife. She died when Dirk was 13. Cancer. I was working three jobs, so it fell to Dirk to take care of her. And he was a great kid. He made sure Jane got her medicine. He helped her, cleaned up after her. But, you know, you -- you watch somebody die slow, waste away to nothing... it does things to a person. Horrible things.”

“I didn't know about his mother,” Sam says quietly.

“He -- he wouldn't talk about her, not even to me. Lot of anger in that boy.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Well, we'd really like to pay our respects, Mr. McGregor. Um, you mind telling us where Dirk is buried?” Dean asks.

“Oh, he wasn't. I had him cremated,” McGregor states.

“All of him?”

“Well, I kept a lock of his hair.”

“Oh, that's -- that's nice. Where do you keep that?”

“On my bus, in my Bible.”

***

The brakes squeal loudly as Chase slams on the brakes, swearing. Moving off to the side of the road, the two girls hop out of the car, following quickly behind Sam and Dean. Sam walks up to a man getting out of the bus, while Dean sneaks around the other side of the bus, to be behind the man and anyone getting out. 

“Dirk!” Sam yells. The man who’d gotten out of the bus first turns to Sam with a cruel smile on his face. 

“Winchester, what are you gonna do? Shoot me?”

Dean sneaks up behind Dirk and wraps a rope around his body, while Harley rushes into the bus. “This rope is soaked in salt water. You’re not going anywhere.”

“Alright, everybody. Stay where you are and everything will be fine,” Harley says. 

“Aren’t you the drama teacher?”

“No, not really. More like ‘21 Jump Street’. The bus driver sells pot. Yeah, that’s it.” She starts to shuffle through the front of the bus, looking for the hair. After a moment, she looks up in exasperation. “It’s not here!”

“Where is it?” Sam demands. Dirk simply smirks. 

“Nowhere you’ll ever find it.”

Sam, obviously done with the situation, puts the gun directly against Dirk’s chest. Dirk struggles against the rope for a second. “Where is it?”

“Sam Winchester. Still a bully. You, you jocks... you popular kids... you always thought you were better than everybody else. And to you, I was just Dirk the jerk, right? Now you evil sons of bitches are gonna get what's coming to you.”

“I'm not evil, Dirk,” Sam says. “I'm not. And neither were you. Trust me. I've seen real evil. We were scared and miserable, and we took it out on each other -- us and everybody else. That's high school. But you suffer through that, and it gets better. I'm just sorry you didn't get a chance to see that... you or Barry.”

“Nothing is going to get better for me. Never.”

Dirk breaks out of the rope, knocking Dean to the ground easily. Sam shoots him with a salt round and he goes flying. A student, within moments, climbs out of the bus, obviously possessed by Dirk. 

Chase rushes over to the passed out bus driver, making sure he’s alive. 

Harley tries to shoot at the student, but misses, as the ghost beats Sam up. 

“Chase!” Sam calls. “Find the hair!”

Harley takes this moment to check on Dean, who’d been knocked out moments earlier. 

Chase pats down the man, trying to find where the hair had been hidden. Finally finding it, she reaches into his pocket and takes it out. “I swear, this isn’t what it looks like,” She mutters to herself, grabbing a lighter. She lights the hair on fire and the Dirk-possessed student screams. 

The student slumps forward onto Sam, who struggles beneath the weight of the larger student. Dean laughs from his spot on the ground, next to Harley. He winces, holding his head in pain. “He’s giving you full cowgirl,” Dean laughs.

This breaks the tension and the four hunters begin to breathe normally again, glad to be done with Dirk-the-Jerk.

[multifandomfanficss]

Benny X OC

My Babysitter’s a Vampire

You’re Special: Part 2

Prompt: This is another Benny x OC fic. In this fic my OC Liz battles her newfound powers and a siren alongside her boyfriend Benny and her best friends. This isn’t based on any specific episode, but is sort of a continuation of part 1.

Warnings: I don’t think there are any

A/N: I’m back at it again with the OC fics. Again there is a part when it briefly switches to 3rd person point of view, but it will be clearly labeled. Tell me if you want me to keep these going.

BEEP BEEP I woke to the sound of my screeching alarm clock. It’s Thursday morning. I got out my clothes for the day and waited and listened for the front door to close down stairs. As soon as I knew my dad was gone to work for the day I sprinted to the bathroom and turned the shower on. I slipped off my bracelet and put it on the sink. Part of me was afraid that I would ruin it if I wore it in the shower. It was a beautiful old leather bracelet with magical symbols carved into it. I got it from my boyfriend’s Grandma to help control my powers. I smiled to myself. Saying my boyfriend was still new and it was a nice feeling. Benny and I had only been dating for about a week now. Being as impatient as I am I hopped in while the water was still cold and bounced around waiting for the water to warm up. The water felt nice splashing against my skin. I felt safe. I had always felt a strong connection to water, but now knowing that I had powers that come from the earth everything was a little bit different.

After my shower I threw my clothes and my bracelet on and rushed to put a little makeup on. I don’t usually wear makeup to school. It’s a little bit annoying to wake up early just to put on makeup. These people see me everyday and we all know that nobody wants to be there anyway. I don’t need makeup for school. I’m just going to sit in front of a white board and projector for about 6 hours. I knew Benny wouldn’t care. He’s seen me without makeup a million times, but today was different. I wanted to look good and feel confident. Today was auditions for the drama club’s annual cabaret. Every year our school has a cabaret to raise money for the drama club. I love drama club. Although I don’t talk about it in front of the boys very much acting really is my passion. Benny knows how much I love it. He loves to do lights for the shows. Although Ethan and Rory always make fun of him he is such a techie. It’s really cute. I love seeing him get excited about all of the special effects that go into theatre. Even before we were dating when we were just best friends we always looked forward to drama club. It was always a good way for us to bond. We would never admit it to Ethan and Rory, but it was special to us.

I quickly ran downstairs, packed my backpack, grabbed a bagel for the go, and headed out the door. I met Benny and Ethan in front of the school with a smile on my face ready to face the day. When I got there they were arguing about the Mandela Effect and wether it was real or not. Typical. They were so into the argument they didn’t even notice me. “Benny, it’s not real. It’s not scientifically possible” Ethan argued. “Okay, Ethan, but you get visions and I have magic!” Benny responds. “And when they run out of fries in the cafeteria I throw a 6.2 on the Richter Scale...I gotta go with Benny on this one” I smile stopping in front of them. The boys look at me. “You’re just saying that because he’s your boyfriend now” Ethan says. “That’s right. She’s my girlfriend. I have a girlfriend” Benny says putting his arm around me. I blush. “Will you just shut up?” I beg him. I can’t help, but smile and giggle. He’s so stupid, but it’s the really cute kind of stupid. Thank God my bracelet is on or the school pipes would explode. Benny looked down at me and smiled. “Why do I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world?” He asks me. I blush like crazy. Usually I’m pretty cool and I’m never speechless, but Benny just puts me at a loss for words. “Guys I’m still here” Ethan breaks me out of my bliss. “Now if only we could get Ethan a girlfriend” Benny pouts at him. “Hey, there’s still hope for Sarah yet. She never actually rejected him” I remind Benny. “I’ll ask her when I’m ready” Ethan defends himself. “You better” I tell him. RING The bell goes off and we head into the school.

By the time I had made it to lunch I was already pretty nervous. The day was halfway over and my audition for the cabaret would be soon. I sat next to Benny while I stared across the cafeteria. Ethan and Rory sat across from me. Sarah and Erica were nowhere to be found because the seniors were on a field trip. I was spacing out big time as I tried to make sure I knew the lyrics to the song I was supposed to sing. “Uh...Earth to Liz” Benny said breaking me out of my thoughts. I shook my head and snapped back to reality “Yes?” I asked. “Does that sound good?” He asked. I looked at him with confusion. “Have you been listening to any of this conversation?” Ethan asked. “Sorry...I just zoned out” I apologize. I feel bad, but I’m nervous about the audition. I feel my leg shake under the table. Benny puts his hand on my knee and looks at me. I stop. “Sorry” I say quietly. “What’s up with you?” Rory asks. I shrug my shoulders. “Aren’t the auditions for that drama club thing today?” Ethan asks. I nod. “I guess I’m just a little nervous” I confess. “You’re gonna do great” Benny promises me. “Yeah! You’re Awesome!” Rory chimes in. “Besides didn’t you get like the lead last year?” Ethan asks. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I’ll get it every time. Theatre is hard. It’s really competitive” I tell him. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. “Anyway, what’s up?” I ask. “Movie night tomorrow at Ethan’s?” Benny asks. “You know I’m there” I tell the boys. I smile as they start another debate over Star Wars: Episode III and I zone out again. This time I find myself staring at a girl I never really noticed before. I don’t know everyone at our school, but at the same time we don’t go to the biggest school. I feel like I would have at least seen her in passing. She’s probably new. She’s dressed in mostly shades of purple and black and she’s sporting a pretty cool leather jacket. She looks like she radiates so much anger; like she just wants to scream at the world.

RING The last Bell of the day went off and I made my way to the auditorium. I was scheduled to be one of the first auditions. Then I could leave with Benny and Ethan who were waiting for me outside the school. I walked through the door and put my name on the sign in sheet. I’m supposed to go second. At least I’m not first. I looked down to see a name after mine that I didn’t recognize. Who’s going third? I questioned everything when I looked at the name Emily Sirven. I looked around the room and saw the mysterious new girl. It has to be her. The drama club isn’t that big and for the most part I know everyone. I wonder if she’s any good. I walk up to her and try to strike up a conversation. “Hi. I’m Liz. I feel like I’ve never seen you around before. What’s your name?” I ask. “I’m Emily and I’m going to make you feel in a minute” She snaps. I’m not quite sure how to take the oddly vague threat. Is it even a threat? “Liz?” Ms. LOL breaks me out of my thoughts. I turn to her. “You’re up!” She tells me. I hardly noticed the boy before me had even started let alone finished. I took a deep breath as I held onto the pendant on my TARDIS necklace. I rushed up to the stage and got ready to sing one of my favorite musical theatre songs. I belted out As We Stumble Along from the Drowsy Chaperone. The song was funny and powerful. As soon as I started singing I immediately started feeling better. I always feel at home in my singing. As soon as the song ended I left the stage. I pass Emily on my way out and decide to be nice. “Break a leg” I smile at her. “Oh I’m sure you’ll break something” She tells me. What is her problem? I knew I had to stay to see her sing now. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I stood with my back leaning against the wall and waited for Little Miss Ego to start. “I’m going to be singing an original song” She informs the drama club. Is that even allowed? This a theatre cabaret not an open mic. She started the song and I completely blacked out.

3RD PERSON POV

Benny and Ethan were waiting outside the school for Liz when the entire building started to shake. “What’s going on?!” Ethan shouted over the nicely sized earthquake. Ethan lost his balance and fell to the ground. “We have to find Liz!” Benny responded. He knew his girlfriend was responsible. He grabbed Ethan’s hand and pulled him up, running inside the building. The boys ran to the auditorium, but as soon as they got to the doors the earthquake stopped. They took a quick look at each other and quickly ran inside.

LIZ’S POV

“Liz” I heard Benny and Ethan calling my name while I was being shaken. I opened my eyes to see Benny on his knees in front of me with his hands on my shoulders. Ethan was squatting next to him. I was sitting on the ground against the wall. They looked very concerned. “What happened?” I ask. “I think you started freaking out over your audition” Ethan guess. “No, I already had my audition” I tell them as I try to remember what happened. My head starts to throb. “I have a massive headache though” I say as I rub my head. I watch Ethan look around to see everyone in the drama club struggling to get up. They all seem to be in a daze. New girl is nowhere to be found. I see all of the destruction. “Did I do this?” I ask. I feel like I already know the answer. Ethan gives me a sad look. “Well we don’t know for sure...” Benny tries to make me feel better. I’m scared. I’m afraid of myself. I hate this. “Benny, I wanna go home” I tell him. “We should probably run you past Grandma” He says as he helps me up. I fall into him. “Sorry. I’m a little dizzy” I say trying to regain my balance. “It’s okay. I’ve got you” He says holding me.

Benny kept a hand on my back making sure I was okay no matter how many times I said I was fine. I just had a little bit of a headache. Benny, Ethan, and I made our way up Benny’s porch and into his living room. “Grandma!” Benny yells. I quickly shush my loud mouth boyfriend. I hated telling him to be quiet, but my head was pounding. “Sorry! Grandma!” He whisper yelled as he walked off to find her. I cracked a smile. Ethan walked to the freezer and came back with an ice pack. “Here try this” He said. “Thanks” I say taking the ice pack and placing it on my head. “I wonder what happened to the new girl” I think aloud. “What new girl?” He asks. “There was a new girl in drama club. I think her name was like Emily Sirven or something like that. She’s really annoying. She disappeared when the little earthquake hit. It probably freaked her out” I tell him. “Little earthquake?” I hear Benny’s Grandma come down the stairs with Benny following not far behind her. “My dear, your little earthquake was big enough to make the news” She informs me. “What?!” I ask. I quickly check my phone and she’s right. “I completely blacked out. I don’t even remember it” I confess. “This is worse than I thought” She walks up to me. “Were you wearing your bracelet?” She asks. I nod. She picks up my hand and waves some magic that I won’t pretend to understand over my wrist. “It’s still intact” She says in surprise. “Isn’t that a good thing?” Benny asks. “On the contrary. You must have gone through something truly terrible if you were able to cause an earthquake that scale while wearing your bracelet” She says. I look down at the floor and look up again at her in confusion and fear. “Why don’t I remember anything?” I ask. “Your brain must be protecting you. Maybe the black out was a defense mechanism” She guesses. “I wouldn’t worry about it right now at least.” She tells us. “Something is definitely going on, but we can’t do anything about it this minute” She adds. I sigh. How can I not worry about it right now?

I wake up the next day dreading going to school. The whole day went by so slowly. I just wanted it all to end so I could finally get to movie night at Ethan’s with my friends. I just wanted it to be me, a can of soda, a couple bowls of popcorn, a sci-fi movie, and my best friends. That was the only thought getting me through the day.

By the time we got to lunch I was so ready to leave school. Usually I liked school. I enjoyed learning and I loved seeing my friends even more, but today I felt like the life was just being drained from me. I was in the lunch line with Benny when I saw her again. She was right in front of me. She was humming quietly. It was so infuriating. I had never been angrier. I couldn’t help, but think about the stuff she said to me at the auditions. I had to say something. I could feel this fire boiling in my blood. “Hey, what’s your problem?!” I ask her. Benny looks at me confusion, but I don’t care. Then he grabs my arm gently. “Cool it sparky!” He says in sort of a whisper yell. I look at him with confusion and then I look to the stove. The flames are out of control and the lunch ladies are rapidly trying to put them out. “How did I-“ I’m interrupted by Emily. She pushes me to the ground. “Stay out of my way geek” She sneers. The second she touches me it feels like a thousand knives are being stabbed into my brain. All I can hear is a loud screeching noise. I watch the water fountain on the other side of the cafeteria explode as I scream. Other kids in the cafeteria freak out and take cover from the water. They don’t notice what’s happening to me. I curl my body into a ball as tears start to form in my eyes. My ears are ringing. Benny wraps his arms around me as he tries to speak to me. I can’t hear him and I start to panic. Everything is too much. I can feel the earth below me start to shake and I can feel the heat of the flames in the kitchen next to me. I feel everything. I feel too much. Benny holds me tightly. I hide my face in his chest. I black out.

I shoot awake. My breathing is heavy and I have sweat dripping down my body. I’m in the nurse’s office. I watch as Benny quickly puts his hands on my shoulders to calm me down. He tries to talk to me, but I still can’t hear him. I look outside to see it’s pouring down rain. A flash of lightening hits the ground and the thunder shakes the whole room. I stare out the window breathing heavy. Benny understands and he places a kiss on my forehead before helping me off the cot and out of the nurse’s office. I don’t know where we’re going or what’s happening, but I can’t really ask. Benny leads me to my locker. He opens it and fills my backpack for me. I watch him silently. I try to stay calm as I worry about if my hearing will ever come back. I zone out and suddenly I find Benny putting my arms into my coat. He pulls it around me and zippers it up for me. I watch him sling my backpack over his shoulder. Then he puts my hood up before taking my hand and guiding me outside and through the storm. I jump at a bolt of lightening as I press my body to his. He holds me close as we walk home in the rain.

As soon as we got to Ethan and Benny’s houses we stopped by Benny’s for clothes. Our clothes were wet from the rain. I sat on his bed in soaked clothes while Benny quickly closed the shades in his room to make it darker for me. I think he’s trying not to overload my senses. Then I waited for him to find me a new tee shirt to wear. He held up different options he thought I might like. When he held up the shirt with the Captain America shield I made a hand squeezing motion in an effort to silently say ‘Give me give me’. He smiled and tossed me the shirt. I then walked over to his dresser and sprayed the shirt with the cologne Benny wears that he had stolen from his dad. He gave me a confused look. “I want it to smell like you” I tried to speak. It must have come out as a yell because Benny quickly put his finger to my lips. I could see him laughing at me. I looked up at him as he smiled down at me. I smiled back. Then I pulled his hand away. He gave me a quick kiss and then I changed into his shirt. He changed and we walked next door to Ethan’s.

As soon as we got to Ethan’s Benny led me into Ethan’s closet and shut the door. He probably just wants to help my senses. I started thinking about the time Ethan lost his hearing and he had to sit in his own closet. Then I had a big realization. “Guys I think it might be a Siren!” I said through the door. Benny opened the door with a small white board and a marker. I laughed a little, at least I think I did. I couldn’t hear it, but I obviously felt it. Written on the board was ‘Does this help?’ I nodded. He erased it. He exchanged a few words with Ethan. He seemed to be telling him what to write. Then Benny wrote ‘We think it’s a Siren too’. Ethan and Benny kept talking. I couldn’t hear them. “It’s probably that new girl” I said in what was probably more of a shout again. I watch the boys nod. “Her name was Emily Sirven” I inform them. Ethan takes the board from Benny’s hands. He quickly writes ‘Well Sirven does sound a lot like Siren’. My jaw drops. “Hey, I was a little too preoccupied blacking out or maybe I would have noticed it sooner!” I definitely shouted that time. Benny takes a phone call while Ethan sits with me. He writes on the white board ‘You should probably get your hearing back soon’. “Probably?!” I question him. Benny comes back and takes my hand. He helps me up and guides me out of Ethan’s room. “Where are we going?” I ask. “My house” I see Benny mouth the words. “Your house?” I ask. He nods. We’re probably screaming.

Once we get to Benny’s house I sit down in his kitchen. I feel someone come up behind me and put a hand on my shoulder. I flinch. Benny takes my hand and mouths something I can’t quite understand. I turn around to see it’s just his Grandma. I smile. Her and Benny have a short conversation. I can only assume it’s about what happened to me. Next thing I knew I had Benny putting a pair of noise cancelling headphones on my ears. Benny’s Grandma then touched my head and I could feel a rush of magic go through me. Suddenly I could hear the sound of the blood pumping through my ears, you know the deafening sound you hear when you have noise counseling headphones on. I try to take the headphones off, but Benny puts his hands over mine. Instead he writes a message on a piece of paper. ‘You just got your hearing back all at once. It’s going to be very loud’. I nod. “So when can I take these off?” I suddenly hear how loud my voice was. I must have given a pretty socked face because I can hear Benny laugh through the headphones. I leave them on for a little bit longer. Then I start getting used to letting in more sound little by little.

Benny and I lay on the couch while we watch Supernatural with the subtitles on. He keeps the volume low for me. The headphones are off as this point, but I’m still getting used to having my hearing back. Benny looks down at me, tucking some hair behind my ear and out of my face. “How’s everything?” Benny asks. “It’s a lot better, but I’m still a little freaked out” I confess. “None of the stuff that happened today was your fault” He tried to tell me. “I know...it’s just....I’ve never controlled fire with my powers before...and the rain storm...was that me?” I ask. “Grandma thinks it might be, but you remember what happened last time with Serena. Sirens make your emotions all crazy. It’s not your fault” He reminds me. “Why do Sirens always pick dumb names that just sound like Siren. Like Serena, Sirven, come on. That is so stupid” I laugh. “Yeah what’s up with that? It’s like they’re saying please stop me I’m evil” Benny says as the credits role for the episode. We turn off the TV and decide to head back to Ethan’s for movie night.

I lay on the floor in Benny’s arms. His back is against the couch. Sarah, Ethan, and Rory sit on the couch while Jane is asleep in the chair next to us. Erica is nowhere to be found, probably out for a snack. She didn’t usually join our movie nights. I wish she did. We were watching a what was supposed to be a scary movie, but the only person who was scared was Rory. “Rory, how can you be afraid of this crap? You’re a vampire. You could easily suck that serial killer’s blood. You’re like way scarier than him” I tell him. “Really?” He asks. “Duh” I laugh. “You could beat Bill and his creepy lady with the knife any day” I promise him. “Awesome” I hear Rory say to himself under his breath. I smile as my comment seems to make him feel a little better. I’m exhausted. I guess it’s fair since I did almost rip the entire school apart today. After a long day I fall asleep in Benny’s arms. I don’t wake up until it’s time to go home and go to bed.

I woke up the next day and I knew what I had to do. Tonight is the cabaret. I had to go into dress rehearsal this afternoon and record Emily. Lucky enough I had gotten into the cabaret. I even had the big solo in the group number. If I’m being honest I’m pretty excited. I cannot let a Siren ruin it for me. I changed out of Benny’s shirt and got into the shower. I slept in his shirt. It makes me feel secure. Once I was out of the shower I threw on makeup and changed into something nice. Then I put on my shoes and headed out the door. I was a little nervous, but this was nothing I couldn’t handle and nothing my bracelet couldn’t keep down. Benny wanted to come with me to the dress rehearsal, but I assured him I could handle it on my own. All I have to do is keep my ear plugs in and get a recording of Emily. It’s pretty hard to mess that up, besides I’ve been feeling a little fragile and useless lately because of my newfound powers. I just wanna feel strong again.

The dress rehearsal went perfectly as planned. I got the recording and everything was fine. Now we just have to play it back at her during the cabaret. This could be a little harder. A couple hours passed and the auditorium started to fill up. I was happy the drama club was making so much money, but at the same time I was nervous about what could happen to all of these people. I was scheduled to go on right before Emily. Benny stood backstage with me while Ethan, Rory, Erica, and Sarah we’re getting ready for the fight. “You’re going to be fine” Benny says. “Just fine?” I ask with a laugh. “You’re going to be awesome!” Benny responds. I smile at my boyfriend. What did I do to deserve him? He can be annoying, loud, and obnoxious, but he is also sweet, funny, and a total nerd. He’s perfect for me. Ms. LOL signals for me to cone on stage and I quickly kiss Benny for good luck before walking on. I stand in front of my mic and belt my heart out. I look to the wings at Benny and get lost in the moment. Sarah, Erica, Ethan, and Rory are standing with him. No matter how much has changed and no matter how scary my life is right now I’m so happy doing what I love in front of the people that I love. Right now is the best I’ve felt in a long time. I don’t just feel safe. I feel free.

As soon as I finish the song applause roars through the audience. This does not make Emily happy. She tears onto the stage in fury. She starts to spread her gift. She sings her piercing toon, but she can’t effect me this time. I have ear plugs in. “Why can’t you feel my pain?” She asks. “Why don’t you feel this?” Ethan asks as he plays her own frequency back at her. She screams in pain. She pushes the speaker over and pushes me to the ground. Then she continues to sing. Ethan and Rory run to the sound system while Sarah and Erica try to fight Emily. Benny runs to me. “Are you okay?” He asks. “No!” I shout as I pound my fist into the stage and it shakes. “Liz, it’ll be okay” Benny promises me. I know it will. “I’m tired of feeling weak!” I shout over Emily’s noise. I stand up and I take off my bracelet and nothing goes wrong for once. “What are you doing?” Benny asks. “I’m in control” I say before shooting air from my hands. I shoot Emily with the air and keep her held to the ground long enough for Ethan to set up the sound system. Then he blasts her and she’s done. I collapse onto my knees and Benny runs to me. I watch the curtains close while everyone wears confused faces. They all try to figure out what’s going on. “How did you do that?” Benny asks as he slips my bracelet back onto my wrist. “When I was doing what I loved in front of the people that I loved I just had this emotion that was greater than any fear or any anger or any sadness I could have ever felt. Benny, I think love and happiness give me control” I smile. “You give me control” I tell him as I place my hand on his cheek. He smiles at me and we kiss. Erica makes a gagging noise. I smile and pull away. “Shut up” I tell her. “All I’m saying is that you could do a lot better” She says in her usual tone. I wrap my arms around my boyfriend and smile. Sarah elbows Erica in the arm. “Ow!” Erica exclaims. “But...” Sarah starts for her. “But I’m glad you’re...happy” Erica says through gritted teeth. Benny and I laugh it off. I look at him. “Don’t worry. You’re the best I could ever do” I say before kissing him again. Then we stand up and sit in the back of the auditorium while Ms. LOL apologizes for the weird show. This is just like the Rainbow Factory all over again. We decide to book it and hit the ice cream place on the way home. I sat on the bench under the neon lights with my best friends as I sipped my Chocolate Oreo Malt with my boyfriend’s arm around me. I knew nothing could be better than this.

[hallaevak]

skam thoughts

hi ok i’m bored n sick so i’m here to give my (maybe unpopular? idk) thoughts on skam + remakes. i have seen most* remakes, but i’ll mention if i have not seen a particular season or not

first off: basic opinions (favorite remakes, favorite characters, etc)

fav jonas/eva remake:

- skam nl (kes/isa) - isa is, in my opinion, the most relatable eva remake. she’s so sassy and lovable! in general i’m not the biggest fan of the season 1 plot, but i think all jonas/eva pairings, chemistry wise, have been phenomenal. isa/kes are just a little bit more impressive in my opinion.

fav noorhelm remake

- this will be of no shock, as this is quite a popular opinion, but wtfock (senne and zoë). most william remakes kind of suck, and the general character dynamic between noora and william is not something i like. i enjoy the plot but a lot of williams are just...ew. i’m interesting in skam españa interpretation (nora and alejandro) but i can’t fully judge their season until it’s over. zoë is such a wonderful character and senne is actually not a dick! i sobbed when they broke up in s3.

fav evak remake

- i’m tied. either skam france/wtfock. i love the (for some reason controversial) dynamic between sander and robbe. i also love elu, like the basic bitch i am. elliott demaury OWNS me.

fav youssana remake

- honestly, i kind of didn’t like any of them (that are released). there’s only two out there, druck and skam france, and i didn’t like any. i’m sorrryyyy i just love sana bakkoush and no one could ever be better than her. oof! disclaimer i have not watched all of amira’s season/druck s4. i wasn’t personally interested but the acting was phenomenal.

alright now to remake-specific comments.

SKAM, the original, the og, love of my life, scandi legend that started this obsession

- honestly one of the best teen shows i’ve ever seen. the development of characters is so prominent. the acting, for mostly amateur teenagers, is mind blowing. maybe american shows just suck? but i’m absolutely in love with every character. they show such realistic stories and i applaud the skam team + actors for portraying their stories so well.

- the one comment i have is the noorhelm relationship. i just? i don’t like it. when i first watched skam i loved it. noora was hilarious (still think that) and the perfect independent woman model. i also liked william. i just wished they showed more of his vulnerability because his kind of static character is not doing it for me. he doesn’t show any evolution or change. idk, he’s still a wet fish in my eyes. obv this has no shade to the actors, thomas hayes is lovely. his character? not so much. i could write a whole essay on how flawed and dislikable william is.

now, the first remake: skam france

skam france, oui oui baguettes this remake really tickles my fancy

- as someone who kind of understands french, i really do like this remake. i have some issues with s1 and s2 but overall it is a solid remake. being the first, it makes sense for the seasons to seems little unoriginal. i still love emma and manon but their characters aren’t very authentic.

- s3 is where they really nailed it. elu’s immense popularity is only a testament to how truly wonderful the season is. the acting, the characters, slight changes in plot. i loved it. a lot.

- i wasnt impressed by s4 but it might just be my extreme love for iman meskini. no one could ever replace her.

- BUT S5. OH BOY. ROBIN. MY BABY. he is such a good actor and i love arthur he MUST be protected! i love that his shame is not romantically related. also as someone who is interested in deaf culture wow! i’m impressed by the research done by skam france. not only is his the first original season but it is excellently executed. noee is my mother i love her.

druck, likely the most liked remake to which i do not disagree with that statement

- druck is legendary. i really appreciate the small changes in plot and character dynamics that create an identity for each remake and druck is so so good at doing that. mia’s season is lovely and so is matteo’s, as well as the other two. i did not finish amira’s season as wtfock s3 started and i was a little too invested in that haha but i liked what i saw. the mia/noora drama annoyed me but it was okay. i saw it in the way how we all beg for evak/elu/nicotino/etc content in later seasons but then complain when noorhelm/jonas and eva content occur in later seasons, which is weird at best or just fetishization of gay couples at worst. take ur pick. i like it when previous plot lines kind of intertwine into the current ones as it shows that people’s shakes are not temporary and have immense effects on others (which is the point of skam, right?

skam italia, the controversial remake that said bye and then uno-reversed itself (thanks netflix)

- a lot of people don’t like skam italia. it’s understandable, as the actress for sana is not a woc or muslim. however, it is slightly understandable (but not defendable, i was way too disappointed when i found this out) given italy and it’s cultural background. it astonished me that they could even produce an isak remake due to their pretty strong religious beliefs. italy is very much roman catholic, and gay marriage isn’t even legal there (this is the only skam where gay marriage is not legalized). so i give them major props to facing potential backlash in producing s2/marti’s season. it makes sense for there to not be a muslim/woc actress because of the demographics in italy. ww1 and ww2 really spun a number on italy’s race, as many jews and romas as well as pretty much any non-italian ethnicity were kicked out. this creates barriers especially when it comes to hiring a woc actress. skam italia is already breaking barriers when it came to controversial topics (literally all of skam would be controversial in italy’s alt-right view, it seems). tl;dr: kudos for being able to produce a pro-gay show but shame for not being able to hire a woc actess.

- i loved marti’s season as was a fan of the other two seasons. they’re well produced and beautiful and more dramatic than the other skams imo! the soundtrack is absolutely gorgeous.

skam austin, the american cousin no one seems to like that really lives up to the american stereotype

- ok. when i first saw austin/the fact that they made an american remake, i hated it. disgusting. i hâte america as it is. it was cringey, the acting was bad (i’m sorry i’m sorry), and it got rid of the charm that skam had.

- when i watched it a second time around, i changed my mind. i think grace’s season redeemed it a lil bit. it’s living proof that skam remakes must be watched twice or more to fully formulate an opinion. it’s still cringey but i mean, it’s very accurate to american culture. i’m ashamed to say that i, an american, have said many phrases that austin has used.

- skam austin isn’t THAT bad as people make it out to be. i think americans esp are uncomfortable with a skam from their own culture, myself included. and it’s fine to not vibe with it and prefer other skam remakes. i think the actors are okay, better when i saw it the second time, and the editing/music/videography is beautiful (ofc julie andem is a part of it). people give it crap for being american.

skam nl, may she rest in peace or pull an italia and 180 us

- man i was so depressed when i heard that lucas vdh was not getting his season. lucas is downright one of my favorite isak remakes and his story would’ve been so interesting.

- besides that, skam italia has one of the best eva seasons. it is my favorite and is usually a lot of others favorites as well. isa is just so relatable. liv’s season is also incredibly well produced. i didn’t hate noah! it was a miracle come true. he redeemed the william character if only for one remake.

- my one comment/critic isn’t even that serious. it’s just? dutch? it sounds so...weird. i’m a stupid american but i cracked up at things that were definitely NOT jokes because of the language. i’m sorry netherlands/holland i do not mean to laugh.

skam españa, also controversial for good reasons but also conflictingly good

- alright folks. i am confused with skam españa. i don’t know if i love it or like it.

- hear me out. we all know of the controversy with the panphobic comment that nora made. it was stupid and uncalled for and really disrespected the whole pan community of viewers. now, not many people are pan but for a show where an original character (even bech næsheim, love of my life) is canonically pan? it was kind of a slap to the face.

- besides the comment i loved cris’ season. it was refreshing to get an isak season where it was a she, one, and where isak was not living with his eskild but instead had a family. it was also beautifully shot and i love irene with my entire heart.

- that said, i liked eva’s season. nora’s season is interesting. maybe it’s because it’s the first i’ve watched multiple seasons live (españa and france) and have no attention span and is more interested in skam france s5? idk. the clips aren’t really doing it for me. i love the viri clips but the nora clips are eh. she just seems very...in genuine? idk. i also hate miquel get his ugly ass out of here. i can’t fully analyze the season until it’s over but i’m not really interested in it. i also don’t like the noorhelm plot or dynamic at all so that may be it.

wtfock, or another controversial remake that imo shouldn’t be controversial

- wow. i love wtfock. s1 was rocky and i wasn’t sure of how it would be. s2 SLAPPED ME THRU THE ROOF. god i love senne de smet so much. zoë is actually redeemable??? and oh my god milan is my favorite eskild like please adopt me.

- season 3 was the first one i watched live. i arrived to the skam scene late so i didn’t get to experience march madness aka 5 live skams at once and i wish i did. but wow. willem ds and willem h really are one of the main reasons why wtfock s3 did so well. they’re amazing actors with incredibly chemistry.

- the controversy that imo should be controversy: the gay bashing scene. i was surprised at the backlash. people were upset over the fact that they showed such...intense events without immediate remediation. it’s understandable to be mad but? they were criticizing things that had no correlation with the scene, like the willems’ acting or the music picked. it was very wild. they also did a lot of bitching about how lgbt people should see gay bashing because it’ll bring back bad memories and that skam was for the gays only and should cater for only lgbt people. which i heavily disagree with. 1) gay bashing in media is so prevalent and downright important. things can’t be fluffy gay all the time. this happens in real life and does such a great complement to noor’s comment about how no one cares that robbe is gay because it’s 2019. THAT. IS. SO. IMPORTANT. it’s so so important to realize that despite the strides made for lgbt people, gay bashing and violent homophobia. still. exist. also. i would like to direct you to these examples of gay bashing where no one blinked an eye : queer as folk, where s1 justin gets bashed in at his prom and has difficulties drawing; s2 (i think? may be s1) skam españa where lucas rubio gets bashed; skam s4 where even and isak encounter a homophobic dick; these examples are endless. the one thing that miffed me the most was that many critics acted as if they were forced to watch wtfock and therefore criticize its every move. like no? you have a choice? no one is forcing you. quite the opposite! wtfock is geoblocked! you’re actually forcing yourself because you’re taking the time to find illicit resources in order to watch it! alright man i’m done with this rant. many also criticized the writing of the show. it was shaky but watching it a 2nd time, where all clips were released, was so much better when it came to clarity. many ‘poor writing choices’ made sense in the larger picture. again another example that you should watch skam remakes twice to understand the big picture.

- tl;dr wtfock is lovely and should not be criticized for one wrong move.

thank u for hearing me out. i have strong opinions but a frail heart. pls be nice!

[best-enemies]

For the fandom ask meme thing can I request the whole damn alphabet or is that not very cash money of me? I’m nosy lmao I wanna know all of them!

AHDKAJSDKJAHSKDA JACK YOU’RE THE BEST

A - Your current OTP(s)/OT3(s)/OTX(s)

I’ve had my current OTP for like almost 8 years and it’s, obviously, Thoschei (Doctor/Master). My other current obsession is the Gallifrey OT4 hehehe

B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind

It’s funny because I didn’t ship Hannigram at first... I’d thought the idea of a cannibal having a relationship was terrifying because what if they had sex and Hannibal got hungry in the middle of the act? Lmaoooo 

But yeah they’re my endgame now. I watched the show when it first aired and I was about 14/15 years old so now you see why I thought that. Although I’m still afraid I’m gonna be reading a fic and Hannibal will suddendly bite Will’s dick off or smth AKJHSAKJSAHSASKAJ

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will (be nice)

Uhhh Doctor/Clara. Mainly because I don’t like to ship the Doctor with companions (there may be one or two exceptions but I don’t ship them enough to actually say I ship them lol) and I don’t know I just never vibed with it

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t (again: be nice)

Doctor/River. I mean, I did like it for a while years ago but now it’s just... eh. I think she has a waaay better chemistry with the 12th Doctor, but still don’t ship it. I might give it a try once I listen to the River audios but so far meh. I’m not much of a multishipper anyway.

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what

God. I’ve written a couple of Academy Era (focused on the Deca) crack fanfics and I still have to translate them to English. They’re pure garbage but I love them. I have a lot of fun writing crack fics because they’re easier and I can ignore whatever piece of canon I want just for the laughs

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom

Guess it’s Doctor Who, been here (in and out of the fandom) for over 8/9 years

G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it

Uhhhh I think it was Han Solo and Leia, since I was a kid really. I wanted to marry both of them lol

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., tv shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)

I had to google what a source text is and still don’t know

I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why

I don’t think so, but Twitter definitively has. I remember a couple years ago I was curious to see what voltron was about and watched a few episodes, it was ok, fun and cute but the fandom was so annoying I stopped watching it for good and don’t care about it enough to pick it up again

J - Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr

I had definitively forgotten about supernatural until I saw it all over my dashboard in the year of our lord 2020 lmao like in my wholock days I tried to watch the show because everyone on my dash (is it still called dashboard?) was talking about it and I watched about 8 episodes before dropping it. But seeing it again on the dash was actually a happy surprise because the memes are too funny hahaha

K -Say something nice about someone in any of your fandoms

I’m extremely shy irl and on the internet as well but I wanna say that  @janeturenne is one of the best authors ever and her fanfics are a blessing in my life; also @thebraxiatelcollection who brings awesome content to my dash and is also one of the best authors. And of course, you, Jack, also one of the best authors god I’m so BLESSED

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves (chars you’re neutral on are fair game, as are chars you dislike)

Uhhh I guess I’m neutral about the current companions. They’re not my favorites but I don’t really dislike them - they had a lot of potential and chibs came up with some good storylines but did not develop them well in my opinion. I think Graham is a fun grandpa whom I’m going to miss when he leaves; Ryan is cool and could’ve done a lot more if the writers had kept a few things, it’d be awesome if he vlogged all of their adventures. He’s like the one I was curious to see more but sadly didn’t feel a connection; and Yaz, I hope she’ll keep growing and that her friendship with the Doctor will finally be developed to a level we can connect to her.

It sounds weird because with the fam it’s always ‘what I wish could have been’ because I never felt really connected to them :(

M - Say something genuinely nice about a ship that you don’t ship (or its shippers, or anything related to you)

Ok... I don’t really ship Rey/Finn but I think it’s one of the sweetest ships ever, and if they ended up together I’d be happy. They love each other and are there for each other always so, yeah :D

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

I don’t know if I got the question right but it’s three things I wish I saw more in my main fandom? Well, if it’s that, then, 3 things about the Doctor Who fandom: 1) people having more civilized or light-hearted discussions about things. Like, I genuinely disliked an 8th doctor audio I listened once that my friends loved, and they made fun of me and we joked about it. Also once we were in a live twitch video playing among us and discussing doctor who, and then we got into a ship “discourse” as a joke and nobody really cared and just laughed because everyone knew it’s fictional shit so why get mad over it? 2) Doctor Who has a titanic amount of content, it’s all canon but at the same time it’s not, so who cares? If you want to listen to Big Finish audios and if you can afford it, then lisiten; if you can’t, it’s okay, no one has the right to tell you you’re less of a fan. Just tell them to fuck off; 3) The best way to keep fandom alive is by creating content. Here in my local fandom we have several podcasts dedicated to all areas of the whoniverse (the show, the expanded universe, the audios, etc), those old fandom websites who do serious work to bring news to the fans, people who make subtitles for the classic series (we don’t have it available here so they do their best to make it accessible to other fans), accounts dedicated to promoting dr who fans who create content, and we even have people making their own audiodramas with dw characters and writing book-lenght fanfiction to help explain the show to people who’ve never watched it, and a great variety of things. I’ve seen a few of these things in the international fandom, mostly by older fans, so I wish younger fans about my age who have the means to make this kind of stuff would make it too. Maybe there’d be less twitter drama out there lol

O - Choose a song at random, which ship or character does it remind you of

“the killing moon” by echo & the bunnymen reminds me of thoschei. yep it was totally random

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)

The fact that we don’t have a pride and prejudice AU for brax/romana yet is driving me insane

Q - A ship you’ve abandoned and why

I’ve mentioned it before but doctor/river, don’t really remember why idk I just don’t vibe with it anymore. But also because thoschei has so many different pairings in 1 ship that I don’t really feel the need to ship them with anyone else lol

R - A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships

GOD I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT’S SO SPECIFIC ok fellow academy era stans gather around if you have read Divided Loyalties there’s a scene where it SHOWS that Magnus had a crush on Ushas. And NO ONE HAS EVER TALKED ABOUT THEM and the power couple they would’ve made. I write them into all my fanfics in hopes of making other people ship them but I’ve had no success so far

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

The Master is a big fan of musicals and in the 77 years he spent on earth he watched every single one ever. I’m gonna be bold and say that when he was young, still Koschei, he was an artist, and thought about dropping everything to become an actor on Gallifrey. Time Lords do appreciate art, and have their own plays, but it’s just the same old and boring ones the young people don’t care about. The Master then created a shocking performance that was way ahead of its time and the older Time Lords were so appalled they banned him from writing and presenting plays and that’s his villain origin story

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

1) The Doctor and the Master married on Gallifrey and the entire show is just them having the most litigious divorce in the universe (still isn’t final because the Master has killed all the judges); 2) Ushas/The Rani is ace; 3) The Deca was a 10 people polyamorous relationship; 4) Romana and Livia were girlfriends at the Academy and they hate each other now because the break up was baad; 5) Romana writes fanfiction; 6) Romana/Leela had a thing in Davidia I KNOW it; 7) Leela pegs Narvin; 8) Brax has a life-size painting of Romana at his collection or a statue or smth; 9) Brax’s dream in Reborn is actually REAL and he’s married to Romana, Leela and Narvin all at the same time

U - 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms

I don’t even think I’m in 5 fandoms but

Doctor Who: The Master, The Doctor, Romana, Leela, Sarah Jane, Bill (this was the hardest thing ever)

The X-Files: Mulder, Scully, Monica, and can I add The Lone Gunmen too?

Star Wars: Leia, Obi-Wan, Finn, Poe Dameron and honorable mention to Din Djarin and Grogu

Hannibal: Hannibal, Will, Bev, Alana, Chiyoh

V - 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms

That’s hard

Doctor Who: thoschei ofc, gallifrey ot4.......... uuhh as you can see i don’t ship many pairings in the show

The X-Files: Mulder and Scully. And whatever Scully and Monica had going on because they definitively flirted

Star Wars: Poe/Finn, Han/Leia, whatever Han/Lando had going on too

W - 5 favorite ships and 5 kinks you like best for said ships

WHATVASHAJSKAJSA ok this is a little embarassing but I don’t have a lot of kinks for many ships... I guess I have some for thoschei like, choking, whipping, blindfolds/gagging, bondage, begging, biting, sem-public, phone sex, dirty talk, body worship, praise kink, etc. Alright alright I know it’s a lot but in my defense they've shown half of these on the show

X - top 5-10 characters who are yoUR PRECIOUS BABIES AND YOU WILL DIE DEFENDING THEM

The Master, Romana, Leela, Brax, Narvin, Bill Potts, Martha Jones, Sarah Jane, Donna Noble, Lucie Miller. No particular order for most of them but the Master is my precious baby and I will die for this mf

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)

Not many, usually the people I follow are in the same fandoms as I am but I’ve seen some mutuals reblog some Hadestown stuff which is a play that I’ve never seen but definitively would because the protagonists look hot 

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go (prompts optional but encouraged)

I DON’T KNOW WHAT DOES IT MEAN

it took me three hours to do this but it was fun!! thank you bb <3

[mavmax]

The Art of Detachment

When: Throughout Maverick’s Life 

Where: Santa Monica 

Major Warnings: Bullying, Mental Health 

Featuring: Lexa Maxwell, Izzy Maxwell

Maverick was always a very happy child. He loved telling jokes and pulling pranks. He was always known for his smile, the way his nose scrunched up like a bunny and he’d show all his teeth (and lack thereof during the tooth fairy days). Lexa called him a bunny when they were young because of his smile. It’s why she’d chase him around to try and tickle him because she always found his smile endearing. But with happiness came sadness, frustration. Mav remembers their mother telling his sisters, but specifically Lexa, that “princesses don’t cry.” Especially in the public eye where cameras flashed and reporters held out their microphones excitedly. In the public eye, Maverick saw the masks everyone put on, including his own. Lexa was the strong one, Izzy was the kind one, and Maverick, was the charismatic one. He didn’t understand at first why but learned to get into it and smile for the camera, while Izzy sweetly smiled, and Lexa’s lips would curl into a haughty smirk, or often times, she didn’t smile at all. 

He was curious about that, especially when he started school because often times he got in trouble for slingshotting a kid who’d piss him off or slugging someone in the jaw. It wasn’t an anger issue but more of, kids were mean and he defended himself using physical force rather than verbally, especially with how often he’d mix himself up between Korean and English. Sure, he was pretty popular and had many friends, but with that popularity, came the challenge for the title. That was when he went to Lexa. His hands were bruised yet again from angrily punching the punching bag in his room bare-handed. Mav was 10 and just starting the 5th grade, Lexa was 14, her hair tied high in pigtails as a high school freshman. 

She sat him down and sighed, icing his knuckles, and wrapping them up. As much as they often fought the most, she still always had a soft spot for her little brother. 

“Bunny,” she sighed, ruffling his hair. “How are you supposed to play basketball if you keep fighting and ruining your hands like this, huh?”

He shrugged silently. She tilted her head and sighed once more. 

“Well, you’ve got to stop otherwise mom and dad will pull you out and then Izzy and I won’t be able to watch you. Is that what you want?”

“No,” his lower lip began to wobble as his eyes watered and he lowered his head.

“Hey,” she frowned and pulled in Mav for a hug. “I know it’s not fair, Bunny.” 

“I-I’m j-just s-so m-m-mad,” He stammered through sniffles. 

It hurt Lexa to see her little brother this way. He didn’t have to prove to the world that he was likable because of how sweet he already was, but she knew deep down that he’d continue to get hurt and so, the princess who didn’t cry would teach the charismatic prince the art of detachment. First, she let him cry it out, rubbing his back in a soothing way until the sobs subsided. 

Wiping his tears away, she then said, “Princes don’t cry, remember?” 

He nodded slowly. 

“I promise, no one’s going to make you cry ever again,” She promised him. 

And so, it began. On the weekends in between bickering and poor Izzy mediating, Mav was beginning to learn the art of detachment. Mav’s fiery anger only simmered rather than boiled over. There were less wrestling matches once Lexa got him to channel his anger into his words. 

“You have to let it roll off your shoulders,” She instructed, rolling her own shoulders to show him. He mimicked her in the mirror and rolled his neck. 

The next step was easy, Mav was crafty with his insults, but it was all about not letting the anger boil over. Lexa taught him to maintain a composure, to straighten his shoulders back to appear taller, mimicking their dad’s posture before saying what he needed to say. 

The final step was the hard part. Lexa would say it was because she was a Leo, where she could easily act her way through everything. It was why she was able to play the role of the ice princess so easily…and now she was teaching Mav, to protect himself. 

“When they ask you to smile, start with the eyes. They’ll be able to detect any falter of a smile very quickly if your eyes don’t match it. So, we’ll practice in the mirror.” 

Mav practiced each and every time. He smiled with his eyes, then followed up with his nose. After a while, he managed to nail it and then began the tests. 

When he started public school, the method worked. He was quick to cut off people that showed their true colors without hesitation and remorse, even though he silently took the loss in the comfort of his own room. Between basketball, music, and art, they were his healthier coping mechanisms to let the repressed emotions breathe. 

His big test was always around the holidays. Benji was his biggest bully but he was also quick to play the victim and put the blame on a fiery Maverick. So the insults flew like daggers towards his cousin. He picked him apart like his mother’s charcuterie board, calling him everything under the sun from an inbred big-headed bitch baby to the human version of herpes to 병신 새끼 [byeong-sin saek-ki], aka, motherfucker. Each and every time, Benji would tear up, and each and every time, Maverick smiled. 

His downfall would be relationships, however. In high school, he dated the head cheerleader of his class but she had a knack for flirting with everyone under the sun despite them being together. Maverick was pretty observant of that, and with him having a lower tolerance of bullshit, heartlessly dumped her at homecoming as he was coronated as homecoming king, and lost his virginity to her best friend. He never apologized, and this, branded him as the heartbreaker. Throughout the rest of high school he had crushes, he had flings, but nothing really stuck. On the upside, he was able to be friends with many of his ex-flings. 

It wasn’t until college when he entered his first serious relationship. They were both scared first years with completely opposite personalities. She was studious, a good girl, from a well-mannered family, the youngest of four. It was a slow burn relationship as they often studied together in the library, leading to wild make out sessions in his car. The thing is though, this good girl wanted more adventure from this hot bad boy, and although Maverick could do it and give her the world, it wasn’t enough for her. So when he caught her having sex with some heavily tatted guy at the party they both attended and watched her beg and plead to have him back, all she saw was a blank stare. There was no hurt in his eyes, no anger, no devastation, just, blankness as he pulled her arms off of her and said, “Fuck you, Anna.” That same night he wound up screwing some other girl, as if nothing bothered him and went about it as if it didn’t bother him. 

But he broke down the moment he went home for the holidays. He punched the wall so hard that his knuckles bled as he sank down to the floor with tears streaming down his face. The heartbreak strangled him and left him breathless, but he cleaned himself up, quietly tended to his wounded hand and went about his day, with a big smile on his face. 

Lexa knew she had created a monster right then and there and that, ate at her. All she wanted to do was to protect her siblings, the brightest rays of sunshine. Maverick argued that night that he was fine until she blockaded him in, and he fought his tears so hard until he crumbled again. 

“I just want to be as strong as you, Lex,” He admitted.

Lexa sighed. She wasn’t completely honest with her siblings about her own mental health and could only hug Maverick just a little tighter. 

So, then a few years passed. Now he’s in his senior year and the prettiest girl he promised he’d purposely annoy dished everything right on back and he was hooked. He’d chase her down, but then, between the fake phone number and later finding out that she was dating his best friend, Eric, Mav’s wall went back up. He spent the week hooking up with multiple people on a whim while his friends worried about the fact that he was still happy and moving through life like he didn’t just find out his crush had moved on. Even Gossip God was flabbergasted. 

It became easier to detach overtime but harder to attach. Nothing could hurt him to his face, but behind closed doors the ache was powerful. He didn’t want to be seen as the weak kid on the playground anymore, however, so to show others his vulnerability meant he truly cared about them. 

[tootyfrootycasbooty]

how do u think u are inspired by punk subculture and others like ska and alternatives... like i find it very cool and see u talk in ur blog, wanted to know more... do u have any recomendations? like films, books... anyway thanks have a nice day u r lovely!!

WOW big question with a big answer under the cut. lovely lovely elizabeth just did an interview w me for Berlin Art Link and i discuss punk & subculture & fandom in the context of my art practice and dissertation there!

 my dad brought me up on the music very young, little babby me in the car singing along to the clash and the specials....it’s always just been a part of how i see myself, and i struggled w it a lot more when i was younger, it didn’t exactly mesh with being a black preteen/teen in one of the Whitest parts of the country. i think it will always be an influence i carry with me thru fashion and music tastes, and it’s been really nice in the last 2 years to kind of rediscover that part of myself bc i stopped acknowledging it for a big long time. 

i am the most annoying defender of ska because The Internet has reduced this entire genre down to like...shitty third and fourth wave american ska which is ???? not even something i’ve ever really associated as ska, it’s so far removed. ska is a jamaican genre and it’s the precursor to rocksteady and reggae, and there’s a really interesting relationship between different subcultures in postwar britain who kind of transcend anti-black racism of the time to find common ground in black-british culture. a lot of that comes from ska - punk and skinhead culture have both been hugely whitewashed or misremembered by their more commercialised/infamous versions in the media, despite there being so much variance & nuance at the time, and when both were early in their incarnations they centred around ska and reggae. read: don letts, beautiful dreadhead brother/dj to the punks. my white dad introduced me to reggae bc he was punk, while my jamaican mum could not give a shit about it!! anyway i know more about 2-tone/second wave ska than the first bc i was obsessed w Ghost Town by the specials as a kid, and while writing my dissertation i realised how fantastic it is that was i was drawn to a genre that specifically marries black and white culture in britain through music, very audibly and visually too, and it’s just....overtly political while being outrageously fun....it’s very honest and timeless and now more than ever, it feels relevant. imo, ska was often hopeful/joyful (even if the lyrics weren’t necessarily) while punk was nihilistic. i think it’s also worth saying that british and american punk have very different histories and offshoots, even tho they happened at the same time and had many crossovers.

my recommendations, whew ok!

books: black by design - pauline black (AMAZING biography by singer of the selector, mixed race and adopted, i gasped so many times bc so many parts of this book reflected my exact feelings of discovering my own blackness, even tho our child & adolescent years were like...4-5 decades apart); lipstick kisses - greil marcus (very dense but mostly very interesting, altho it does go wildly off topic sometimes. comparing 20th century social history to medieval religious history etc. it’s wild. if u want an academic read about this is IT, the way he links the letterist & situationist international to punk is just *chefs kiss*....also in general v good commentary on how mass homogenous culture combined w a loss of true freedom via capitalism, eventually creates civil unrest like may 68 and punk.) and england’s dreaming - jon savage (the go-to history of punk, basically starting with malcolm mcclaren’s childhood and how his art school background combined w may 68 led to him & vivienne very consciously creating a stylised movement, but it rly covers a lot more than that)

more academic texts on punk: subculture, the meaning of style - dick hebdige (aka the very same bastard of I Love Dick); punk rock, so what - ed. roger sabin (this is a fantastic collection of essays on dif topics that u may not ever consider in relation to punk, but the ones on race, women, and commodity are fab...so good for solidifying the concept that punk existed beyond the sex pistols and was much more interesting than them too); i havent actually read any ska specific academic texts but i wld be interested to! also dayglo! the poly styrene story for my fave black punk leading lady

films & tv: this is england (of course...how i could i not...i implore u to watch the film and then each series bc the journey is spectacular & effortlessly shows how transient and changeable these subcultures could be as music and fashion and social circumstances change); farming by adewale akinnuoye-agbaje (big trigger warning for violent racism & internalised racism, so harrowing & worthwhile tho, i dont think it deserved the shoddy reviews it got...it rly undid me); dance craze by joe massot (2-tone documentary); sex & drugs & rock n roll (ian dury is great is often left out of punk conversations but he’s a big part of my childhood and stiff records was v influential to punk & post-punk)

just general good films abt subculture: northern soul (ive been going to northern soul nights since moving to london and the history is so interesting and i wish i could go back in time and BOOGIE my god it seems incredible....also see fiorucci made me hardcore, a video art piece by mark leckey); 24 hour party people; quadrophenia; the football factory (fun fact, my dad became a punk bc he didnt like football & was tired of being beaten up by footie fans lmao); velvet goldmine.

[imaginetyzx]

“If you wanted to go on a date, you could have just asked.” wwwiiiiiith...... heh.... kyoya. Totally not obsessed, reigenquest

ahhhh very late but here we go! im winging it here

(oh btw were like. rewinding my age for the sake of plot. pretend im just fresh into 18)

The only thing luckier than the fact I got into Ouran was that I was able to convince them to let me have a boys uniform. The only thing is, I’m not out to my family, so when I leave for school I wear the girls uniform, and then change in the bathroom when I get there. Thanks to this, not only does almost everyone use he/him for me, but I also met the Host Club. It’s surprising I never heard about it though, considering I’m a third year.

Well, I’m not conventionally attractive, so it really isn’t surprising. Not rich either.

Anyways, that's where I'm headed right now. The Host Club. At first, I was only visiting as a guest, but the dramatic blonde 2nd year insisted I join. Even I was hesitant about it. I’m not that attractive, honestly I’m not special.

“Nonsense! I’ve never seen anyone like you! Each member of the Host Club caters to a specific type that girls like to see, and you are unique and unlike the rest of us!” He cheered.

“How?” I ask.

He started explaining the types of the other members. ‘Boy Lolita, Brotherly Love, Cool, etc etc.’

“You’re obviously the Nerdy type!” He shouted at me.

Well shit, he ain’t wrong. No arguing with that.

Besides, Haruhi was in there (somehow) so I caved and said yes.

Let's get to the point. I’ve been in the Host Club since early in the year. I would say November-ish. It’s April now. I definitely have a crush on Kyoya. I cannot deny any longer. Problem is, he never really shows interest in anyone. So I am just living my life the way I always have, having a crush that I’m positive won’t be returned, so I just sit quietly until it disperses.

I open the door to the music room and zip in as fast as possible, because I know I’m late. Had some work to do. It’s fine. I’m nowhere near as popular as Tamaki and the others so it’s fine.

After attending to some visitors, the room starts to clear out.

I check my phone.

“Oh, wow, it’s still early. Anyone wanna come to the mall with me? I need to buy a couple things.” I say out loud, as an invitation. I rarely do this, but every once in a while I like to humor them and let them explore other places that aren’t rich-centric. Is that a term? EnRICHed? Haha.

“I’m fine, thanks.” Haruhi pipes up. Since she declined, Tamaki dragged on his answer for a couple minutes.

He said no.

“Sorry. Mitsukuni has to uh. Brush his teeth. And do laundry.” Mori-senpai very clearly makes up an excuse. I’m not sure why, though.

“Well we would LOVE to come, but I think k-” Hikaru is speaking until Haruhi slaps her hand over his mouth. Thank you.

“I’ll come.” Kyoya speaks softly as usual.

Wait did he say yes? What?

“Oh! Really?” I say, obviously taken aback. Of all people to possibly say yes, Kyoya? What is he up to?

He nods, walking away to gather his stuff. This is crazy. I don't know if I can do this.

Bzzt Bzzt! My phone?

[txt.haruhi]: youll be fine!

Shit.

We get to the mall and I’m already finding it hard to make small talk. 

“So, why did you want to come along with me?” I ask him. He's several inches taller than me, but not many, so I hardly have to lift my head to talk.

“I was here once with Haruhi, and I didn’t have much free roam, since I had been brought here against my will, and without any money. I wanted to come back more prepared this time so I could properly observe.” He talks blankly, showing no signs of ulterior motive. Maybe he wanted to spend time with me but won't admit it either? Probably not.

We spend a little while walking around and mostly browsing. A few times we stopped because I found something on my list, or because someone recognized Kyoya. 

Some time passed and I felt my stomach rumble.

“Ahh, we should eat something! There’s a fancy place on the roof we could go to if you’d like!”

“Then I assume I’m paying? You don’t have enough money left for that place after your other purchases.” He is right. Wait, has he been keeping track of the money in my wallet?! Jeez! I know I’m not rich, but I’m not dirt poor either!

“Er-well…” I’m frozen. I did intend on paying for at least part of his food, but he’s right. I would only have enough for one small dish up there.

“Let’s just go here. It’s just food.” He gestures to a nearby fast food station and starts walking over to it, obviously not taking no for an answer.

I look over the menu, picking the cheapest options of what I like. He either hears my mumbling, or can read my damn mind, because when there’s only one person in front of us he speaks.

“Tell me what you’re getting. I’ll pay.” He doesn’t move except for turning his head back to me.

“No it’s okay really, I can afford this m-” Before I can finish, he has turned around and faced me with a glare. It’s not necessarily a threatening glare, more of a ‘this will take less time, just do it’ kind of look. I cave, give him my order and go pick a table.

A few minutes later, he comes back with two trays and sets mine down in front of me. 

"Thank you!" I say, he simply nods and starts eating. It's...odd. He seems…relaxed. Well not normal relaxed. More like he isn't putting on a nice guy act like he normally does. 

"If you wanted to go on a date, you could have just asked." He says, putting down his food for a moment before taking a sip of his drink. 

Excuse me. The fuck. Did he just say. 

"W-w-what? I wasn't thinking of that! I just had to go to the mall and thought I would offer anyone in the club to come with me!" I defended myself. To be fair, it did originally start off as innocent plans. Then the twins had to overhear me of course, so it was all downhill from there. 

"Even so, it's obvious that Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai made up an excuse to make it more likely you'd end up alone with someone. Or when Hikaru was about to say something but Haruhi cut him off. I saw you give her a nod."

Fuck. 

"I swear it wasn't intended that way! But I will admit, I am glad with how things turned out…" My voice got quieter the more I spoke. Idiot! I'm practically confessing my love right now! Shut up! 

"Why?" Kyoya asks. What? 

"Why what?" I say in return. 

"Why were you happy about it being just us?" He sounds genuinely curious. 

I sigh. There's no turning back here, if I tried to play it off he would see right through me. 

"When I first came to the Host Club, back when I was just a visitor, you were my favorite. At the time I couldn't pinpoint why. I mean obviously, you're good looking, but then again all of the Host Club is. I just had a feeling. Then, after getting to know everyone, I felt myself feeling the same way, but amplified. I'd go to bed at night thinking about the conversations we had that day, or wondering if you were asleep already, it was bizarre." I pause, to sip my drink. I'm afraid I'm babbling, but I don't know how to stop. I could talk about why I like him for hours. 

"But in terms of today, uh, we don't really get the chance to spend time together outside of school or the club room, so I was just really excited! You're r-" Somehow while I was talking, he took both of our empty trays and put them above the trash. He caught me off guard and cut off my sentence by grabbing my wrist, making me stand up, and started walking, trailing me behind him. 

Where did this come from? Where is he taking me? Oh god did I annoy him by talking too much? I do that sometimes. 

Kyoya takes me out of the mall, and to a random area right next to the mall. It's kinda like a tiny park, but just full of plants and benches. He brings us over to a bench and sits down, still holding my wrist, pulling me to sit down too. 

"Is everything okay? Why did we come all the way out he-" I don't let my concern show on my face, until he interrupts me. 

"Shut up, please." Before I can even reply to that, he kisses me. 

Well fuck! 

It's not a hard kiss, but it's definitely succeeding in making me shut up. He backs away after a moment and I'm frozen in shock. 

He grabs my hand and gives it a light squeeze before letting go and standing up. 

"I think that went well. We can do this again sometime." He turns around to face me, and smiles, before walking away. 

It wasn't a smirk, exactly, more of a happy grin? 

That's the important part. 

Happy. 

[darkfire1220]

Godzilla: King of the Monsters SPOILER Review!

WARNING! SPOILERS BELOW! IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS YET, GO AWAY! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

I made a post just yesterday defending Godzilla: King of the Monsters from the harsh criticism the film has received since it’s release over the weekend. I stand by what I said: I think the critical reviews have really hurt the film’s reception in an extremely negative and undeserved way. Now, that’s not to say the film is a perfect one! It has its positives and negatives, and I’m going to go in-depth into them in this review. I’m also going to be making theater experience comparisons to other movies I’ve seen in the past to help you understand where this film falls under my spectrum. This is absolutely my sole opinion, but I just want to clear some of the air and really give everyone my thoughts on this film.

I’ve gotten to see the film twice now, the first on opening night, and the second about five hours ago. The first time I went in as a huge Kaiju nerd, excited and anticipating the film which I hoped would be the blockbuster of the summer. I’d even go so far as to say that I was more hyped for this than Avengers: Endgame. I watched Ghidorah: The Three-Headed Monster, Kong: Skull Island, and Godzilla 2014 prior to going to see this movie. I was prepared to witness glory incarnate. 

And I did. Can confirm, my mind was blown. I walked out of that first showing with a stupidly huge grin, possibilities whirling in my mind, and a fierce excitement to see it again. We got a bunch of easter eggs in addition to seeing some of my favorite Kaiju on the American big screen for the first time. I got everything I wanted and I felt very positive about it all.

Godzilla and Ghidorah OWN this movie. Not only did I get way more Godzilla than in 2014, but I got to see Ghidorah shine. That dragon is such a savage, showing every bit of maliciousness he’s known for and even when Godzilla gets juiced up towards the end of the film, he takes every hit thrown at him and pays it back. This Ghidorah takes no bullshit from anybody. He deals it out, and he deals it out with extreme prejudice. Everything from his design, sound effects, the unique behavior and interaction between his three heads (I LOVED that, btw) is so goddamn good and I can’t express enough how much you should go see the movie if only to see the kaiju do their things. 

Now Rodan, my boy Rodan! You were once one of the goofiest looking Kaiju I’d ever set eyes on, but my god you got a makeover in this movie. Legendary’s Rodan is a monster in the skies, and you can see that without any trouble. When the planes start to fire missiles at him, he shrugs it off and seems to be more annoyed than anything. Actually, he kind of just plays cat-and-mouse with the jets when he’s pursuing the Argo (The big jet, kind of like a stealth bomber. My dad would disown me for just calling it that because he works in aerospace XD) and only when they completely surround him does he eventually get fed up with the jets and executes a mean barrel roll to essentially bitch-slap all of them (yes, all of them- he kills the entire squad) out of the sky. That was an awesome shot. 

Last but certainly not least, Mothra. This incarnation of Mothra is by far the most aggressive, but still retains a lot of the classic kaiju features. She’s beautiful to see and when they started playing her music theme I got so excited. This Mothra also has a few tricks up her sleeve! I was very, very surprised when she whipped out a stinger of all things! But she showed a lot of loyalty to Godzilla in protecting him from Ghidorah and eventually transferring her power to him after Ghidorah kills her (of course she dies, it’s Mothra :(  BUT there’s another egg in the end-credits, so maybe we’ll get more Mothra in Godzilla vs Kong!). Another detail I didn’t actually notice the first time watching this was when Godzilla went Thermonuclear and blasted Ghidorah with atomic pulses, the pulses sounded like Mothra’s cries and gave off patterns similar to Mothra’s wings. I thought that was very cool!

Also, one thing I wasn’t expecting to enjoy were all the kaiju Legendary made up for the movie. As much as I would have loved to see more Toho kaiju, (I wanted Anguirus so bad lol) the designs for these kaiju, brief as they were, were awesome to see. We got a number of new minor kaiju with their own unique designs, ranging from the mammoth-ground sloth hybrid Behemoth, the mountain-backed Methuselah, and even a massive MUTO similar to the ones from the 2014 film, but with her own unique features. I’ve heard some people call this one MUTO Prime, but I think that might be a reference to a Godzilla comic that was released not too long ago. I think it was called Godzilla: Aftershock. Don’t take my word on that, I haven’t gotten to check it out yet. I could be totally wrong. 

But anyways, I loved all of my kaiju, even the new ones! I’d love to see more of them, even if it’s just little bits and pieces!

Onto the human characters. Yes, your favorite part of this review. Yes, I am being absolutely sarcastic, but to be fair, I personally think the actors did a great job. Of course it’s a Godzilla movie and the plot line is a little wacky, but everyone from Millie Bobby Brown to Kyle Chandler (and especially Ken Watanabe) played their characters very well. The acting was spot-on. I couldn’t really bring myself to truly hate any of the characters. There were some questionable choices, yes, but the actors themselves played their characters very well, I think. 

Now of course, I’ve had time to sober up a bit and the second showing let me think a bit more about the movie and its problems. I’ve boiled it down to three main issues: First, the humans take up too much time. Two, I wanted more kaiju (specifically Mothra). And three, the fights kept getting cut in the middle of the action.

King of the Monsters struggles with the same issue that Godzilla 2014 had in that it actually doesn’t have enough monsters. I’m not talking about monster battles- it has that in spades, (though I found myself wanting even more of that, as well) but I found it lacking when it came to some of the kaiju themselves. The first half of the movie rolls out exactly like I wanted. It starts with a bang and just immediately starts to move. It’s fast, catastrophic, and visually stunning. 

That visual awe, by the way, is something that is maintained throughout the entirety of the film. If you want to see some of the most amazing shots you’ve ever seen in a movie, then this is the one. 

The problem with King of the Monsters starts mostly in the second half of the film, just after King Ghidorah rises from the ocean victorious in his latest battle against Godzilla. At this point, the film slows down and focuses far, far too much on the people. We know that the Titans are rampaging around the world, but we don’t see much of them. Even Ghidorah and Rodan (the latter of whom submits to Ghidorah’s authority after getting his ass beat) aren’t given much screen time to show what they get up to, which apparently flying over to Washington D.C and turning it into Ghidorah’s personal crib.

I would have LOVED to see Ghidorah and Rodan fly up to the capital and basically lay waste to the place, if only to add to their danger factors. They both present an immense threat, but it feels a bit subverted given how little screen time they have together while Rodan is under Ghidorah’s authority. 

But we slowed down and focused on the people, who were sent on a mission to heal Godzilla after the Oxygen Destroyer missile almost killed him. Granted, that is important, but it felt too stretched out for me to really enjoy it. I would have liked to see Mothra partaking more in helping Godzilla, especially since she gets so little screen time in the movie. 

That’s one of my biggest nitpicks as I stated before- I didn’t get nearly enough Mothra. We actually got more Rodan than we did Mothra. Don’t get me wrong, Rodan is one of my favorite Kaiju and this movie scales his baddassery level up so much, but I NEEDED more Mothra to really make the movie work better. Her design is gorgeous and her brief participation in the final battle is fine, but I wanted MORE of her. More of Mothra interacting with the people, with Godzilla, and with Madison (Millie Bobbie Brown).

Just more of Mothra. For a kaiju that plays such a key role in rebelling against Ghidorah’s Alpha status and protecting Godzilla, she doesn’t get remotely enough screen time. 

But let’s get back on track. The movie slowed down after the battle in Mexico concluded and Ghidorah became the Alpha kaiju. And in this, I felt in my second viewing, is really where the crux of the problem lies. Some of the human actions were very necessary and provided the meat of the plot, but a lot of the fat could have been cut out and replaced with kaiju instead. 

The scene with Serizawa (Ken Watanabe) and Godzilla was masterfully done, though. For those of you who aren’t diehard kaiju fans, Serizawa was the scientist way back in the original 50′s Godzilla films that killed Godzilla with the oxygen destroyer. In this movie, Ken Watanabe’s character, who is also named Serizawa, sacrifices himself to save Godzilla by detonating a nuclear bomb beside the Titan, which helps him recover his radioactive life force. 

“Goodbye, old friend.”

There’s something tragically sad about that quote and it was the most powerful moment in the film for me. Not just because it pays homage to the original Serizawa character, but because that really takes you back to the original Godzilla roots, when the kaiju was used as a metaphor for nuclear devastation. Serizawa is of Japanese origin and his father was killed by the bomb in Hiroshima (in the storyline). He sacrifices himself to save Godzilla and is killed by the nuclear bomb they use to jump-start the Titan. That echoes hard and reminded me where Godzilla came from in the first place. 

Godzilla gets juiced by the nuclear bomb and goes on the hunt to track down and slaughter Ghidorah once and for all. Cue one of the most epic monster fights you’ll ever see on the big screen...or it would have been, if they didn’t cut away every few seconds to focus on the people. It’s this repetitive sequence in the film that hurts its score the most for me. I don’t care about the people scrambling on the ground, or at least I don’t care enough to want to focus on them when Godzilla, Ghidorah, Rodan, and Mothra are scrapping in the background. 

Like hello??? Can I look at THAT please??? More, please!!! 

What action sequences we do get are great, but god they would have been so much more satisfying and powerful if we just got to see the kaiju duking it out while the humans scrambled in the background, and not the other way around. 

Walking out of the theater this time, I felt like I stated before- I didn’t get enough kaiju, or at least the kaiju I did get kept getting cut off by human nonsense. I still enjoyed it, absolutely, because for me, the pros of the film outweigh the cons. I got to see my favorite kaiju duke it out amidst tolerable human actors with CGI that Toho couldn’t have even dreamed of seeing back in the day. I got my Godzilla movie, and while it wasn’t perfect, I liked what I liked more than I hated what I didn’t. 

To put this in comparison, I think this film falls into a healthy theater experience, but not an outstanding one. For example, I am a Jurassic Park nut, and when Jurassic World came out, I saw that movie more times than I can even count. Every opportunity I could have to go see it, I saw it. I think I saw that movie in the theater something like eight times? Not even a joke, I saw it that much. I loved it so much. That was probably my favorite theater experience ever. King of the Monsters makes me want to go see it again and again, (even now, after seeing it twice!) but maybe I’ll refrain from seeing it quite that much lol. 

But it doesn’t deserve to be thrashed with criticism the way it is. Another example, my most negative theater experience, is when I went to go see The Last Jedi. Oh my god. Now THAT movie made me wish the new trilogy had never happened, and I love Star Wars. Even in my first viewing of The Last Jedi, I walked out of that theater with two of my friends (both of them hardcore Star Wars fans) and we all said out loud, “What the fuck was that garbage?” 

Oh my god we hated that film, but we went to go see it twice regardless because that’s what we do to really determine how much we like or hate a film. The first time is for initial reactions as fans, the second time we go see a film to be more perceptive about it. And The Last Jedi sucked even more the second time, which is why I will never touch that movie ever again. I could go in-depth about it, but that’s not what this review is about. This was simply an example to compare King of the Monsters to. 

If I had had the kind of reaction to the film that I did with The Last Jedi, I would absolutely understand the box office numbers it is currently being pounded with, but I didn’t have that reaction. I loved the movie both times I went to go see it and for the life of my I can’t fathom why it’s receiving so much heat. This film is pieced together BETTER than that horrifying Star Wars movie, for god’s sake, but it’s doing so much worse. Let that sink in for a second. A Godzilla movie’s plot is pieced better than a Star Wars movie. Will wonders never cease?

All in all, I think King of the Monsters is a sold 7.5/10. It’s not perfect and it has its problems, but I think it’s a solid entry into the kaiju franchise, and at this point I’m just praying that the negativity it’s receiving doesn’t hurt the Legendary Monsterverse later on down the line. I want to see more Godzilla movies after Kong vs Godzilla, thank you very much! 

Whew, that was a lot to write. Anyways, my final advice to anyone thinking about going to see it is to just go take a crack at it in the theaters. I can understand why people didn’t like some parts of the film, but I found the positives outweighed the negatives. Long live the King!

[heyyyharry]

please a part3 to that wonderful story of friend Harry!! It is so great. Of course I don't want to be annoying and I know that it's frustrating when people keep asking for more so yeah. it's alright if you don't wanna write another piece, but you have to know that I think it's amazing. :)

Part 1 Part 2 “can you write one where Y/N has a crush on Harry but he’s dating Camille and then when she gives up on loving him he realizes it but it’s too late?”

So THIS is PART 3 :D I’m sorry it took this long. Aaaaand you are not annoying AT ALL. I love it when people keep asking for more, it really boosts my confidence! I apologize I couldn’t answer everyone’s messages telling me to write part 3, but just know that I’ve read all of them and I’m so gad you guys enjoyed my works. So this is the last part I guess. I hope I don’t disappoint ya’ll.

Harry invited me to his end-of-tour party. I was torn between going and not going, but it was probably a very important event to Harry, what kind of friend would I be if I refused to show up? So I asked Joey to come with me. It was surprising to find out Harry hadn’t invited Joey, maybe he’d got so many guests, Joey’s name must have slipped off his mind. I convinced Joey to accompany me anyway, he was Harry’s friend too.

The party was thrown at Jeff’s new house. The moment we arrived, I silently thanked God that I’d asked Joey to come with me since I couldn’t recognize a single face in the crowd. Harry was nowhere to be seen either.

“Are you sure we’re at the right party?” Joey asked me and I laughed. Fortunately, Jeff found us.

“Joey, my man! And Y/N, right?” he asked, smiling at me as he shook my hand a bit too enthusiastically. I was surprised he even remembered who I was, since we met only once at Harry’s first solo concert.

“Sick party, mate,” Joey said, making Jeff chuckle.

“Our superstar deserves all of this.”

“Speaking of our superstar, have you seen H?” I asked. Jeff looked behind him and then turned back to me.

“I just saw him sitting by the pool. Maybe he’s still there.”

“Okay. We’re gonna go say hi to Harry.”

“Wait!” Jeff stopped me when I was about to drag Joey with me. “Can I borrow this man for a second?”

“Ugh…” Joey looked at me as if to ask for permission. I knew he didn’t want to leave me alone with Harry. Well, actually, I had specifically asked him not to do so. But I felt like I’d be fine. I hadn’t thought of Harry for weeks, I probably had gotten over him now.

“It’s okay. He’s all yours.” I smiled, releasing Joey’s wrist. He slightly kissed me on the cheek and told me he’d be out there with me in a moment.

“Nice talking to you, Y/N!” Jeff said to me then he threw an arm around Joey’s neck, pulling my friend with him.

I watched until the two of them had disappeared behind a group of people. Then I made my way to the swimming pool backyard. I saw a couple of people drinking by the pool and was quick to spot Harry sitting on the edge, pretty far from everyone else, alone, his feet dangling in the crystal blue water. It was the first time I’d seen him at a party without a bottle in his hand. 

I marched towards him and tapped him slightly on the shoulder. Harry’s head immediately shot up and he put on the biggest smile when he saw it was me.

“Hey,” I said, smiling back. And to my surprise, he was up on his feet, arms wrapped around my body, pulling me into a tight hug.

“Someone’s happy to see me,” I joked, finally wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders. I could feel him smiling against my neck.

“I thought you wouldn’t come,” he mumbled into my skin. I felt my heart flutter at the words.

“How could I not?” I giggled and he pulled away a bit to look at me, but his hands remained on my lower back.

“You missed my final show.”

“I was busy,” I lied. I was sitting at home reading updates about his last show on social media.

“Do you-uh…wanna sit?”

“Sure.” I nodded then joined him on the edge of the fool, with our feet in the water.

“Shouldn’t you be inside where most of your guests are?” I asked.

“Nah. The music is too loud.”

I scoffed and pushed his shoulder playfully. “What happened to the guy who told me to try and have some fun at parties?”

“I am having fun.” Harry chuckled. His dimples were showing again. And suddenly I forgot about everything had happened, about all the weeks I’d spent trying to get him off my mind. All of that was flushed away the moment he smiled at me. I knew it was wrong to even be thinking about him in such a way, but he had me in the palms of his hands so easily.

“So any news with you? I haven’t seen you in so long.”

“Hmm.” I hummed while looking up, thinking, but I felt his eyes never leaving my face. “Oh right. I finally left my old boring job and got the new job I wanted, for the marketing agency I told you about. I just received their email last week.”

“Oh, that’s great! Congratulations!” Harry exclaimed as if it was him who’d just got hired, which really got me elated.

“So when do you start?”

“Next month.” I heaved a sigh. “I’m happy but nervous at the same time, you know what i mean?”

“Well, I’m excited for you. There’s nothing to be worried about. I know you’ll do well,” he told me, giving me a thumb up and a silly grin, which got me to crack up.

“Okay, enough about me. how about you? Any news?”

His beam gradually faded away as he turned his eyes to watch his feet in the water. “Camille and I…we broke up.”

“Oh.” I was stiff, didn’t really expect that. 

I’d imagined this situation where he told me it was over with his girlfriend, and I’d thought I’d be overjoyed, which was the complete opposite of how I was feeling now when it had happened for real.

“I’m so sorry, H. Are you okay?” I questioned, resting a hand on his arm.

“I’m fine. It happened two weeks ago. It’s…Let’s just put in behind us.”

“Okay.” I nodded once and was about to withdraw my hand when he suddenly took it and brought it to his lap, holding it with his both hands. I looked at him and he looked at me, neither said a single word, and it was the longest five seconds of my life, I swear.

“There you are!”

Harry and I jumped when we heard the voice. I abruptly pulled my hand away and turned to the person.

“Sorry it took me so long. Hey Harry,” said Joey as he walked towards us and gave me a hand to pull me back on my feet. Harry also stood up and I noticed the look on his face, it was almost like he was displeased to see Joey.

“Congratulations on the successful tour, mate!” Joey patted Harry on the back, but Harry looked restrained as he said his thank.

“Y/N, come on, I’ll show you something,” Joey told me with his fingers locked around my wrist to pull me with him. However, Harry wasn’t just going to let him snatch me away just like that.

“Didn’t you see we were having a conversation?”

“Harry.” I stood between the two men but neither of them backed down.

“I know this is your party but she’s allowed to talk to other people too,” Joey squinted his eyes at Harry. I yanked his arm to remind him to keep his calm. Joey looked at me then shook his head slightly, mimicking what I’d just done. He could get a bit too overly protective sometimes.

“I’m sure Y/N can make up her own mind.”

Suddenly Harry put his hand on my waist, slightly pulling me back towards him. I was shocked and confused at the same time but I just really didn’t want these two to start a fight because of me. I pressed my lips together and looked up at Joey.

“Just give us a second. I’ll be right in there with you.”

Joey gave me the look of disappointment, but knowing me too well, there was nothing he could have done then. So he left us anyway, telling me he’d be waiting for me in the living room. I was breaking every one of my rules tonight, just for Harry, but was I going to regret it? Probably not.

“What was that all about?” I spun around to face Harry.

“He was rude first,” he said and sat back down on the edge of the pool. I rolled my eyes and rejoined him.

“Yeah but it wasn’t necessary to be rude back.”

“Why are you defending him?”

“I’m not. I just don’t want my two friends to fight.”

Harry didn’t say anything else, just staring at me.

“What? Is there something on my face?” I asked worriedly.

Harry still didn’t say a word. His eyes slowly shifted to my lips. And the next thing that happened, fucking blew my mind. I heard him mumble “Fuck it” then he just went forward, grabbed my face, and kissed me!

I was literally frozen for a few seconds to process what was really going on. Then I just couldn’t help but go with the flow, I kissed him back. My mind was just blank. Many times, I’d imagined how his lips would taste like, how they would feel like, and reality was just beyond my imagination. If I could, I would kiss him forever. 

We pulled away to catch our breaths but our lips stayed close to each other. His right hand moved down to rest on my hip as I felt the pressure of his palm as if he was afraid that I’d just disappear if he let me go.

“This can’t be happening,” I whispered with my eyes closed. Harry caressed my cheek then combed his fingers through my hair only so he could kiss me again, the kiss was slower and softer this time. I had to hold back a moan as he tasted and smelt so good. 

We were sitting pretty distant from the few people on the other side of the pool who were too occupied with their own conversation to actually care about us. But to be honest, even if we were in a room packed with people, I would still let him kiss me like that.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” he groaned into my mouth.

“How long?” I asked.

“Too long” was his reply. I wondered what he really meant by that. He’d been with his girlfriend the whole time.

“I figured something was off when I was so bothered by seeing you leave my birthday party with Joe. I couldn’t sleep that night thinking about you. It just never crossed my mind before, the thought that you might belong to someone else. Then when I watched you leave in the middle of my concert, with him, I realized…I wasn’t fine at all.” He took my silence as a sign to continue. “Things between Camille and I hadn’t been so great for a long time. It had nothing to do with you. But I couldn’t stay with her knowing…I was in love with you.”

I was shocked by those last words. “You were…in love with me?”

“I am.” He smirked. “I’ve been sad for weeks. I wanted to call you but I didn’t know where to start. Then Mitch suggested me to throw this party and maybe you’d come.”

“Wow, you threw a party just to see me? What’s wrong with you rich people?” I giggled and ran my thumb across his cheek. It was still unbelievable now that I could just touch him like I’d always wanted.

“That sounded stupid, but now you’re here, aren’t you?” He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips.

“How did you eventually find out that nothing was going on between Joey and I?”

“I drunk called Mitch one night, and while I was rambling about how I’d lost you to Joe, he told me it was really me that you had a crush on, not him.”

I quickly covered my face with my other hand. “Oh God no Mitch.”

“I thought it was cute. I’m sorry I didn’t realize. Or maybe it was just easier thinking you only liked me as a friend so that I wouldn’t cross the line.”

“Then why did you still give Joey the attitude? You knew we were just friends.”

“He tried to steal you away.”

I snorted. “I’m still here, aren’t I?”

“You are,” said Harry with the widest smile on his lips. All of a sudden, he stood up. “Would you like to skip the party and go for a drive with me?

“This is your party!” I gasped.

“I’m pretty sure everyone’s too drunk to remember this is my party. I’ve been out here for pretty long and nobody bothered to come find me.”

“Well then.” I shrugged and took Harry’s hand as he helped pull me up. It was then that I remembered something very important.

“Wait, H,” I grabbed onto his sleeve as he turned away. “There’s something else.”

“What is it petal?” Harry looked at me. His green eyes were opened wide. I almost forgot what I was about to say when he called me that. The nickname got me beaming like an idiot for a second.

“I just remembered I haven’t properly told you this…I-I’m in love with you too…”

Harry appeared to be much more at ease once he heard me saying those words. Without warning, he pulled me into his chest and laid a soft kiss on the top of my head. I happily hugged his torso, drowning in his scent.

“I’m all yours now, love,” he breathed into my hair. “And you’re mine.”