#god’s dumbest history student

[reliquiaria]

took me five (5) minutes to embarrass myself in front of a member of the student council oh i love it here

[antiloreolympus]

9 Anti LO Asks

1. Alright I get exaggeration in drawing characters and maybe I just noticed but Hades ears look huge in the latest chapters????? I draw myself but it’s so noticeable and huge it looks terrible. Also the shade of red of Persephones eyes looks terrible, she should have done like a pale red or just not do “red eyes for coolness” it just looks terrible and doesn’t add anything to Persephone design at the end of the day

2. Like I still do enjoy bits and pieces of LO, I’m interested to know how it’s gonna end, but Im just constantly disappointed in the writing now 

3. I’m the latest non fast pass chapter I still can’t take Persphone seriously. Idk if it’s the writing or whatever but RS just puts certain plot points at a halt. The last cliff hanger “am I a fertility goddess” and in the next chapter We don’t get answers we’re looking for might as well of not made that a cliff hanger if Demeter want going to give us much. Persphone asking if a fertility goddess means there’s a “few extra carrots” was the dumbest line. Was she being sarcastic? I can’t tell because the fascial expressions are often drawn a little weird. If Persphone is the “straight A” smart student she is, I would think she’d have more critical thinkng skills of why Demeter is hiding the fertility goddess status. Idk I think if RS is gonna write cliff hangers like that she should make sure those questions get answered not dodged or else Dont hype that scene up

4. Oook I have a wicked dumb theory that’s either far from happening or ACTUALLY happening. So remember in that one episode where RS left open another can of worms in ep. 148 at the very end where Kronos was a whole ass skeleton just saying ��well well well”. I think that Persephone’s gonna turn giant again and maybe try to fight Kronos if he escapes and she might be all like “YoU cAnT hUrT hIm AnYmOrE!!” And judging by the art style, it’s gonna look goofy as hell and it’s gonna be another “yasaas queen gettem!!!” Moment. I can’t with this goofy ass comic Dx

5. lmao you guys werent kidding about the pom pin, it looks so out of place and passed on. its literally a circle with some spikes on top, how is that so hard to draw a few times over? my god rachel is lazy and overworking her poor team. then again their names arent on it, so why would they care if its bad? let rachel take the fall for it.

6. its not even an ancient greece thing but rather basic history that the rich and powerful did not wear white, their MO was always to show off they had money to afford fancy threads and dyes, so they'd always want colors and elaborate designs instead of undecorated white. maybe shes trying to base it off marble statues, but its well known by now that even those were brightly painted and colonizers from england actually whitewashed them for an aesthetic, so idk where her research is in any of this.

7. idk man maybe its just me but youd think a series that is trying to force a glamorous idea would actually put in the effort for the clothes to look nice, but instead theyre all just boring flat cloth and thats it. no pattens, no accessories, not even interesting cuts or folds or even different colors instead of "white" (its just pink or grey) or black. even in the beginning it tried to make up for it with sparkles to give the illusion of shine, but now it doesnt even bother with that.

8. White didn't even become a thing for brides until Queen Victoria was married in 1840, thousands of years after the timeframe of LO, so why would they have that symbolism in Persephone? More so, as other anon pointed out, Greek weddings especially loved yellow and reds for brides, so why would she be in plain white? Then again the gods of LO somehow have Versailles and 1980s American fashion before either country existed, so RS doesn't care to be accurate in mythology or basic history it seems.

-----FP Spoilers-----

9. Very true on the FP stuff. I think comedic use of a person being a bit jealous of their partners closeness to another can usually be done fine when it’s used not too seriously and the topic is moved on from quickly., but hades instead is just so mean and cruel to hermes for what, having an actual chemistry and friendship with persephone that wasn’t forced on by others and with her dependent on him? esp Bc we know how violently possessive hades is of her for no reason, so what could have been playful jealousy under a better writer is instead him being an asshole about it. persephone being jealous over hera was not done well but it at least made a little sense in the context (doesn’t make it good context) and she didn’t lash out at the people in question, but hades just looks like he’s legit angry persephone has a life and relationships outside of him. i think Rachel was going for “romantically possessive” (which isn’t romantic but go off) but instead he just looks like a creep.

[joonsrack]

Masterpiece | KTH x KNJ

+PAIRING: Kim Taehyung x Kim Namjoon

+GENRE: Oneshot, crack, angst, smidge of smut, College AU, stranger to lover

+WORD COUNT: ~13k

+RATING: 18+

+WARNING: Taehyung has face blindness, NSFW, (very) foul language, overuse of the word penis and it’s synonyms, pinning, misunderstandings, Namjoon is like real’ dumb, a little hanky panky but nothing scandalous.

+SUMMARY: 

“So let me recap here, you don’t know his name, his major, his department, his age, his number, nor his face. The only clue you have is this drawing, which basically looks like a textbook example of unrealistic body expectations. You apparently know every nook and cranny of his [REDACTED], but you didn’t have the decency to ask his name? You deserve this.” He cackles, angering Taehyung.

(OR the one where Taehyung has face blindness but that won't stop him from finding love. )

+A/N: Well, it’s been almost a year since I’ve posted anything, and almost as much time since i last wrote anything (except for the occasional guilt writing lmao). So this is me coming back with a vengeance (and the dumbest thing i’ve ever written). This is all thanks to (or to be blamed on) @minloop who put up with my non-stop messaging, gave me some plot ideas, and actually inspired me to finish this in three days. Thank you to my baby @emojihobi​ for the emotional support and the beta reading 💖

+Disclaimer: I got all my info on face blindness from google searches, so please forgive any inaccuracy.

Face blindness has definitely made Taehyung’s life difficult. 

There’s the obvious problem of not being able to recognize your parents. Remember this childhood trauma of holding a random stranger’s hands in the mall, thinking it’s your mother or father? Taehyung had to live through that many, many times; except he wouldn’t realize until said stranger would shake his hand off, or until his parents would swoop in to get him. The fact that he’s never been kidnapped is down to pure luck, really.

Making friends, you guessed it, has also been a challenge. It’s difficult explaining to kids why you ignored them when you saw each other in the hallway. Kids don’t always understand “I didn’t recognize you” as an explanation, especially if you’ve been in the same class since pre-k.

But this? This is a new and unforeseen crisis.

+

 His dorm room is very quiet, which is not unusual since he has a solo room. But he’s pretty sure he went to sleep with a plus one, and said plus one is nowhere to be seen. 

Now, he isn’t a stranger to one-night stands sneaking out after he falls asleep. He likes to take night conquests to his dorm room for this exact reason; He can go right to sleep, while they take themselves out. Easy breezy no string attached-y. That’s usually the way he wants it to be. 

But this time is different. Last night was different. Last night, Taehyung had the best night of his life, hands down. Best bangs of his existence. Bangs plural because they went more than once. How that’s even possible when his teenage years are long gone and days with multiple orgasms are less and less common, he has no idea.

He’s probably ruined for anyone else. Nothing could ever compare to the night he just spent getting his back blown out. 

Now, Taehyung is a sculptor. A very gifted one at that (if his teachers’ praises are anything to go by). Taehyung knows body proportions, knows perfect rations, all that stuff. He knows it on marble bodies, in sketches, in painting. Not on actual human beings.

Until last night.

Last night, he witnessed the body of a god. He scratched at perfect skin, held on to beautifully defined and strong arms, rode perfect thighs. Last night, he shed a tear at the view of some perfect knees. Last night, he realized that art truly imitates nature. 

And that’s not all.

Taehyung can admit he owns a nice dick; it’s decently shaped, the color is nice, and the size is slightly over average. 

But what he witnessed the night before?

The Narcissus of dicks; the most beautiful dick on the planet. The most beautiful dick in history . Probably even prettier than Narcissus’ face himself. (But Taehyung doesn’t know what Narcissus' face looks like, so he’s only assuming.) 

From the perfect red color of its beautifully shaped head to the gracefully intertwined veins leading to a sturdy looking hilt, peppered with well-kept pubic hair, ending in an exquisitely wrinkled ballsack. The girth was over average; big enough to make size queens (such as Taehyung) salivate, but not big enough to scare away enthusiasts. And the length? The dude is lucky he’s a grower and not a show-er, or he would never know peace. Mainly because the likes of Taehyung or Park Jimin would never let him be.

But where is that most perfect penis right now? 

Attached to its perfectly shaped and mysterious owner, probably miles away.

Very problematic, indeed.

+

“So what you’re saying is, you fell asleep, and when you woke up he was gone? Isn’t that how it’s usually supposed to go?” Yoongi sounds disgruntled on the other end of the face call, face half mushed in his pillow, hair disheveled and eyes squinty. It’s not yet 1 pm after all, which is still considered morning for people like Min Yoongi.

“Noooo, not this time.” Taehyung whines,” This time he was supposed to stick around and ask me to marry him in the morning. Isn’t that obvious? We went at it four times for fuck sake, doesn’t that mean anything anymore?”

Jimin chokes on his matcha oatmeal milk latte, eyes going wide. “Four times?! Now that is a monster stamina. He basically squeezed your balls dry.” There’s a pause, then he says to someone off-camera, “It’s rude to stare, ma’am.”

“Stop ruining my morning with your screaming,” Yoongi grunts out, rubbing his eyes. “So what do you want us to do about this?”

Taehyung fumbles around his desk for a moment, looking through his piles of sketches until he finds it, his only clue.

“Do you two know this man?” He asks, pulling out a sketch he did quickly off his memory of the mystery man’s body. He pulls out a second one, this one is a close-up of his perfect penis. He might have gone off tangent with the shading, but he couldn't stop himself, that dick deserves all the shading.

“Jesus fuck.” Yoongi signs.

“Baby, I’m sure you’re aware that if I knew anyone with a body and a dick like that, you would never have been able to put your dirty paws on him.”

Taehyung turns hopeful eyes to Yoongi after glaring at Jimin for a good 10 seconds, but Yoongi only shakes his head no.

“I don’t have a habit of making my friends strip around me, sadly. I wouldn’t be able to tell even if I knew him.”

“You two are useless” Taehyung signs, his body deflating. Yoongi takes offense and hangs up. Or maybe he was going to hang up either way.

“So let me recap here, you don’t know his name, his major, his department, his age, his number, nor his face. The only clue you have is this drawing, which basically looks like a textbook example of unrealistic body expectations. You apparently know every nook and cranny of his penis, but you didn’t have the decency to ask his name? You deserve this.” He cackles, angering Taehyung. 

“I was busy sucking his dick, asshole.” He spits, but Jimin only snorts in answer.

“Good luck finding the owner of Mystery Penis.” He quips back, before hanging up as well.

+

All hope is lost. Never in his life has he despised his face blindness as much as he does right now. Of course, it’s never been easy dealing with it throughout his life. He’s lucky he has two solid friends he can count on. Although Jimin regularly dyes and changes his hairstyle without warning to mess with him. And Yoongi basically has two hours of availability per week, usually arranged around his sleeping schedule. 

But he knows they care for him, and he cares for them. 

He drags his feet to class. He uses ‘class’ lightly; being a third-year means most of his courses are spent in the workshop, working on his graduate exhibition. 

He’s got his trusty overalls on, covered in clay stains. He’s been working with clay for the last few weeks, using the medium for two of his exhibition pieces. 

He greets his teacher at the front desk with a nod, before making his way to his desk. Today’s playlist consists of oldies, and he makes it to his desk just as Lionel Richie’s voice fills the room. 

He snorts, rolling his eyes.

Hello is a classic of sculpting classes. No matter the teacher or the Instructor, they all love to play that song on repeat, and he usually doesn’t pay it any mind. But right now, isn’t there a more perfect song to taunt him?

Lionel Richie asks if it’s him he’s looking for, as he’s pulling his tool out of his bag. He unwraps the plastic wrap from around the latest project he’s been working on, already planning his next move. 

He’s pretty sure the sculpting world is all over that song only because of the music video.

It’s obvious that the whole ‘blind girl sculpting’ thing– 

Oh.

Oh dear god. The music video. 

The music video.

Taehyung has an idea.

His hands move before he can fully realize the plan in his head, rewrapping his project, and getting some new clay from the front of the class.

His teacher looks him up and down in all his frantic and excited glory.

 “A sudden stroke of inspiration?” He questions, sounding curious.

“Something like that.” Taehyung smiles, trying to act inconspicuous. His teacher won’t let him take the clay if it’s not for his graduate exhibition.

He makes it back to his station without any more inquiry and starts to work right away.

Jimin was right, he does know every nook and cranny of that penis. He spent hours getting acquainted with it, and he has an excellent memory (Except for faces, obviously).

All the other students are too busy working on their final projects to notice the massive penis under construction a few feet from them. If anyone asks, Taehyung will proudly answer that it’s a life-sized depiction. But no one is asking, so he simply works on bringing the piece to life. The students in his class rarely talk to him, since he hasn’t gone out of his way to develop any type of relationship with them. It’s easier like that.

Once he’s done, many hours later, he’s alone in the workshop with the sun setting outside.

He ogles proudly at his masterpiece, the erect penis standing tall on his station, truly a creature of beauty. It’s a perfect replica, down to the ballsack wrinkles; down to the cute mole at the hilt. Of course, it’s clay-colored, and it probably won't change since Taehyung hates painting his creations, but he’s absolutely certain that everything else is exactly like the original.

The oven has been preheating for a while, so it’s hot and ready to bake some penis. The only thing left is to leave it to cure for a while. Any ol’ regular penis would have taken less than an hour to cure, but we’re talking about a monster cock here. 

He pops it into the oven, sets a timer, just in time for a knock at the door to pull him out of his penis-induced craze.

“Yo, Tae,” Yoongi’s voice resonates from the door frame.

Taehyung grabs a rag from his station to clean his hand with before making his way to his friend. There’s someone with him, and Yoongi signals at his friend with a lazy wave of his hand. 

“Remember Namjoon?” He asks, but it’s a rhetorical question. Jimin and Yoongi have taken to the habit of identifying the people they’re with, so Taehyung doesn't have to embarrass himself trying to figure it out on his own. That way, they don’t have to explain his condition to every single person that isn’t in his immediate friend circle. 

(Is it even a circle if it’s two people?) 

He sends a nod in Namjoon’s way and gets a wave back, and that’s as far as their exchange goes, as usual. Except today, his whole body language reads nervous and tense. But that’s none of Taehyung’s business.

“We’re going to see some juniors perform in a pub, you want to come with?” Yoongi asks him, and Taehyung knows he means well, but he also knows that Yoongi knows he doesn’t like crowded spaces. 

He and Jimin have tried to get him to go out more, but the only time Taehyung steps foot inside any type of alcohol selling establishment is when he wants to get laid. And there’s only one place he goes to then; that crappy little Bar near campus that’s only frequented by broke students who also want to get laid. 

He doesn’t like anywhere that’s dark where there’s enough people to make him lose sight of his friends. Something about losing his parents at the mall one too many times.

“That sounds nice, but I have to finish this piece I’m working on.” He answers, trying to sound as regretful as he can. It doesn’t really work, judging by Yoongi’s unconvinced humming. 

“Alright, careful when you go back home.” Yoongi finally answers, patting him on the shoulder. 

He starts walking away, but his friend, Namjoon, stays frozen on the spot, facing him. He’s looking at Taehyung in some kind of way, but face blindness makes it hard for him to read other’s expressions. He raises a single eyebrow in interrogation, and that seems to make Namjoon snap out of it. He turns on his heel without as much as a goodbye, which, rude .

“'Kay, bye.” He mutters after him.

But he can’t hold it against him. He knows that ‘Namjoon’ has been a long-time friend of Yoongi and that they’ve spent some time together by association. Taehyung doesn’t go out of his way to get to know new people, so there’s a high chance Namjoon might have tried to approach him with friendship in mind, only to end up frustrated by Taehyung’s lack of interest. Happens all the time. He can’t really help it, reading intentions is not in his toolbox.

He should probably tell Yoongi to share his ‘secret’ with Namjoon. He seems nice enough from what he heard, so he would probably be understanding. It should at least clear up the misunderstanding, and Taehyung might even gain a new friend, who knows?

He makes his way back to his station, works on his actual project while the oven takes care of making his penis nice and hard. 

+

The next morning, he wakes up to ten texts from Jimin, one from Yoongi, and multiple missed calls and voicemail from his workshop teacher.

 Asshole with pink hair:

9:40 am    ur crazy

9:40 am    CRAZY

9:40 am    This is hilarious

9:41 am    That’s why i love u

9:41 am    That is a beautiful dick

9:41 am    Like it was nice on paper, but the 3D version definitely makes me wonder about its  owner

10:26 am  All the student body is buzzing about the mystery penis

10:27 am  It’s on the front page of the school newspaper

10:27 am  omg you dumbass u didnt write your number

10:27 am  you didn't write your number anywhere brb dying of laughter

Hyungie:

11:32 am  You didnt write your infos dumb dumb

Taehyung bangs his head on his pillow, hoping for quick death. How could he forget to write down his infos? How is anyone supposed to contact him?

+

Namjoon has come to learn quickly that university isn’t always the most sanest place on the planet. Cramming, into a single building, that amount of genius with that amount of insanity is bound to create interesting events.

He’s stopped being surprised by most things, might be guilty of doing some of those surprising things from time to time. But today? Today is on a whole new level.

Somehow, his dick is plastered all over the school, in every hallway, on every door. Think Regina George distributing the burn book copy all over school but, multiplied by 50, that’s how many pictures of his dick are distributed around school right now. Not an actual picture of his actual dick, but an actual picture of an actual clay replica, with big bold yellow letters spelling out 'HAVE YOU SEEN THIS PENIS?', and nothing else.

It’s vaguely threatening.

He wishes he couldn’t tell that it’s his penis, then maybe he could laugh with the rest of the student body. But there’s no mistaking it. One look and he knew. The person who printed those flyers made sure to include all the possible angles, too. 

It’s 100% his dick. 

The slight curve is there, the mole is there, everything is there.

The intentions of the maker are unclear, but there’s one thing for sure: he knows exactly who’s behind it. He only knows one sculptor who has seen his penis, and that’s the current bane of his life, Kim Taehyung.

It’s not enough that Taehyung has been completely ignoring his existence before their night of passion together, he’s also been ignoring him after. 

And now this? Plastering his dick all over school? For absolutely no reason? Did he not like the night they spent together? Was this a great big ploy to make fun of him? Is this Taehyung’s way to reject him? To tell him to stay away from him? He knows he’s never been really subtle with his crush, but isn’t this going way too far? 

At least he had the very, very basic decency to forgo his name from the flyers, or Namjoon might have had to run away to the next town. 

Namjoon is not dumb, he knows his ancient Greece lore and what they thought about big dicks.

Taehyung didn’t write this so people would look at the dick, he’s obviously calling him a dick.  And for what, pinning on him for the last year? Can’t a man have a crush in peace?

Maybe he shouldn't have approached Taehyung that night. 

One thing is for sure, Taehyung is sending him a very clear message to stay away from him.

+

He spent a fortune printing all those hands out, and now he has to reprint them all? Taehyung knows very well he can’t afford another round of mass printing. Plus the librarian probably won’t ever let him walk into the library again. She had to come and refill the printer at least three times in the hour he was there. The environmental club was even called on scene by one of the students waiting for his turn at the printer. Talk about a snitch.

He can’t afford to reprint everything, and there’s no way he’ll go around school writing his number by hand.

He listens to the voicemails from his teacher then, uncovering a new hurdle.

The first one goes like this:

"Kim Taehyung I know it’s you, you left that thing on your desk."

Then the second:

"Kim Taehyung, you will take down these handouts right this instant before the Dean can see them, you hear me? He'll put you on probation and my head on a stick."

Taehyung muffles his groans into his pillow. Maybe it’s a good thing he forgot to include his number. He should have thought of that before.

He throws on some clothes, heeding his teacher’s warning. He better get to school quickly.

He texts Yoongi and Jimin to take down as many as they can if they want to see him live for another day. Yoongi doesn’t answer and Jimin only texts back asking if he can keep one for his room.

Some friend circle he’s got there.

He makes it onto campus in under half an hour, and gets to work, taking them down as quickly as he can.

He’s got only a few hallways left to do when someone taps him sharply on the shoulder. He spins around, dreading the moment he comes face to face with the Dean. Not that he could recognize the Dean.

“Are you the Dean?” He stammers in a small voice.

“What? No- you. I swear to god. Just tell me if you hate me that much.” Stranger says, before putting his long leg to good use, striding away from him. He throws a bunched-up flyer on the floor before disappearing down the hallway as quickly as he’s appeared.

Taehyung is stunned for a good minutes, utterly confused

The voice sounds similar, but other than that he has no idea who just spit those words at him. He doesn’t hate anyone, and he doesn't see why anyone would believe he has those kinds of ill feelings towards them.

+

Now that his plan has miserably failed, Taehyung falls into hopelessness once again. He lays in bed, holding his precious sculpture to himself. It’s the only thing he has left from his fateful encounter. Or he thought it was fate, but now he’s wondering if that was life making fun of him. 

Jimin is laying by his side, examining the sketch of the body with clear interest. It’s making Taehyung feel a little possessive. 

“Maybe you should try again in the school gym, no one gets a body like that from not going to the gym. You could say you’re looking for a model or something.”

Taehyung stares at his friend with all the admiration he can muster. 

“I would kiss you so hard right now.”

“We tried that once, remember?”

“Yes, and that’s why I won’t be doing it, but I would, just so you know.”

“Cool.” 

He snatches the sketch out of Jimin’s hands to get to work on the shading, trying to get his drawing as realistic looking as possible. Making a whole body out of clay would take too long, so Taehyung will have to settle for his sketch. 

Once he’s done, some 30 minutes have passed. He whirl around on his desk chair, waving the sketch around successfully, only to stop dead in his tracks. He finds Jimin with his precious sculpture halfway down his throat.

“Jimin!” He exclaims, fuming. “Get your dirty mouth off my penis!”

Jimin startles and chokes in surprise, but then bursts out laughing once the sculpture is safely out of his mouth.

“Sorry, sorry. I was just really curious about the size. You never cease to amaze me.”

Taehyung snatches his precious phallus back, grabbing some tissues to wipe off Jimin's drool.

“If I can’t find him, this is going up my ass, so don’t touch it.”

“Jesus Christ,” Jimin grimaces, rearranging himself on the bed. He grabs his phone to waste some time, probably ignoring his other responsibilities as the end of their final semester is quickly approaching. “You want to end up in the emergency room? Just use it to make a mold and replicate it with some silicon at least.” 

Taehyung raises both eyebrows in astonishment.

“Jimin, your genius never ceases to amaze me.”

+

He successfully drags Jimin with him to the campus gym. Normally the prospect of hot sweaty people grunting, in various states of undress would attract Jimin like a bee to honey, but since he’s already banged or broken up with half the people that go there, Taehyung has to keep a firm hold on his friend’s wrist.

“Why do I have to come with you again?” 

“It was your idea, so you’re taking responsibility.”

“I don’t like taking my responsibilities, they suck,” Jimin grumbles, but he stops trying to run away.

The moment they step into the gym, they’re assaulted by the musky smell of sweat and determination. There’s a high volume of people working out, probably wanting to channel their end-of-semester jitters into iron pumping. 

Taehyung spots the front desk, putting his business smile on while reaching into his folder. He hears Jimin greet someone, going off by himself, but Taehyung bears him no mind and heads straight for the Woman working the counter.

“Hi there,” he says, charm on, “ I was wondering if you could help me out,-”

“Yes you can put your flyers up, no you don’t have to pay for it, no we won’t take it down before the end of the semester, yes I do have some tape.” She says without missing a beat, not looking up at him.

“Damn, maybe I’m here because I want to sign up for a membership.” 

She finally looks up from her computer, assessing Taehyung from head to toe.

“No you don’t babe. Here’s the tape.” She says, handing him the tape while blowing a bubble with her pink gum. Multitasking at its finest.

Taehyung doesn’t feel like taking her on a debate, so he gets hold of the roll of tape and gets to work, spotting where other people left their flyers so he can put his right by them. 

He scans the gym once or twice with a quick look, trying to see if, by a stroke of luck, Mystery Man could be there. No one that is shirtless has the body he’s looking for, and he sadly doesn’t have x-ray vision to check the rest. No amount of wishing as a kid made him grow that ability.

He puts up the first flyer, this time containing all his info, and stares at it proudly. He's got a good feeling about this.

Jimin finds him again as he’s putting up his last flyer, sounding excited about something.

“I had no idea Namjoon worked out. He’s got nice arms hidden beneath those sweatshirts.”

“Namjoon? Yoongi’s friend?”

“Yeah! And he changed his hair color, it looks really good on him. A little lighter than he used to have.”

Taehyung nods along, not really pressed to know more. He’s got other fish to fry.

+

Namjoon slowly counts to 30 after seeing Taehyung leave the premises, before he basically sprints to the nearest wall, spotting the flyers Taehyung has put up.

There’s a sketch on it, a sketch of a body. A body that looks strangely like his. He frowns, before reading the caption.

“Sculpting student looking for body model. Body must look like this. Call XXX-XXX-XXXX. Food as compensation. ”

Namjoon cannot believe his eyes. Taehyung knows he’s got that exact body type, yet he didn’t ask for his help. If he needed any other confirmation that Taehyung hates him, there’s one right there.

Just what did he do to the man to make him hate him so much? 

Since he’s confronted him in the hallway, Taehyung still hasn’t reached out to him. It would be easy to do. He knows Taehyung has his number, they exchanged it when they first met, so nothing is stopping him. Unless he’s happy with the way things are.

+

Maybe Jimin is not as much of a genius as he thought. By the sixth person that walks in to be a body model, he realizes this is getting expensive in food bribes and studio fees. He has also stopped putting up the pretense of wanting to sketch anyone anymore. 

But this time, It’s one Jung Hoseok who walks in.

“Have we slept together before?” He asks right off the bat, tired of wasting his precious time. It’s his new modus operandi; invite them in, ask the burning question, then send them on their way with the promised food to avoid complaints. 

“I don’t believe so, but maybe we should fix that,” Hoseok answers, taking off his shirt.

“What are you doing?”

“Your flyers have a nude body on it, you made me come to a private studio, isn’t this a nude modeling thing?” Hoseok questions, but doesn’t stop undressing. He’s already reaching for his belt. 

Something tells Taehyung this man would be really sad to be told to put his clothes back on. The way he’s unapologetically getting naked tells Taehyung everything he needs to know. 

“So, why are you asking?” He inquires while posing, everything hanging loose and stuff. “Is that how you get laid? Asking hot dudes to model, then seducing them once they’re naked and vulnerable?”

Jung Hoseok doesn’t seem to be feeling very vulnerable right now, but Taehyung keeps that to himself.

“God no. Jesus that would be sleazy of me.”

“Not as sleazy as asking me if we’ve slept together 5 seconds into our first meeting.” Hoseok points out.

“ Touché. ” He admits, a soft chuckle escaping him.

Hoseok doesn’t press him for an answer, and they spend the next few minutes in silence, the only sound coming from Taehyung's pencil on the thick page of his sketchbook.

Jung Hoseok, standing confidently in front of him in all of his naked glory, has a certain aura around him. The way he holds himself, no hesitation to bare it all, head held high; it's like he never had to hide anything in his life. Like he never knew shame. To the point where it inspires Taehyung to utter the next words:

“I have face blindness.” He starts off, which gets his model’s attention. He keeps his eyes down on his paper to avoid eye contact, feeling rusty when it comes to revealing this part of himself. He continues quickly, “I had a one-night stand with this– perfect greek god. He had the perfect penis, too. Best sex of my life.” He's making good progress on his sketch, Hoseok’s body graceful and easy to put on paper. “I’m trying to find him, but I don’t know anything about him, and I can’t tell people’s faces apart." He chuckles deprecatingly, "The only clue I have is the way his body looks. So I put up this ad for body models hoping he would show up.”

Hoseok breaks his pose to slap his hands together, then pointing at him. “Oh my god, are you the one that plastered the whole school with the penis sculpture a few days ago? Was that your version of a ‘Wanted’ poster?”

Taehyung feels his cheeks warm up.

“Yeah, but I almost lost my diploma over that so let’s not mention it.”

Hoseok laughs with his whole body, clapping his hands together a few more times as if to express his excitement.

“That was the best thing to ever happen on this campus since 1993, thank you for that.”

His statement piques Taehyung's interest.

“What happened in 1993?” He asks, expecting anything but what comes outs of Hoseok's mouth next.

“My mom and dad conceived me in the bathroom of the literature wing.”

Taehyung chortles, surprising even himself with how loud it is.

“Now that’s a conception story worth telling your kids.”

“They didn't tell me; They got caught and got expelled the next day. They framed their expulsion letter, it’s still on display in the kitchen.” Hoseok’s voice is dripping with fondness, betraying his love for his family. “The thing is, I learned how to read at a very early age.”

Taehyung is possessed by another wave of uncontrollable laughter. He wipes a stray tear from his eyes, taking a second to compose himself.

“There, you’re looking a little better now. “

Taehyung looks up at the man, standing there in his birthday suit, going out of his way to cheer him up even though they’re perfect strangers.

(Maybe not so perfect since he’s seen him naked, but still.)

He chuckles again, going back to his sketching.

“Wait does this mean you don’t actually need models right now?”

“Well yeah," Taehyung answers, shrugging his shoulders, "But you looked like you would be really disappointed if I told you to stop undressing, so I just went along with it.”

Hoseok nods his agreement, going back into his original position.

“Good call. Now that we’re here you better get the shading of my calves right. They’re my pride and glory.”

“On it.”

+

Who would have thought that this whole ordeal would have somehow turned into Taehyung making a new friend.

He looks at the contact number in his phone staring back at him. It’s written 'Jung Hoseok' with a little sun emoji. He’s told him everything he needs to know to avoid misunderstandings, and Hoseok left with the promise to always greet him first when they see each other in the hallway. It’s sad that he only met the man in his last stretch before getting his degree, but as they say: better late than never.

He’s excited to get to know Hoseok, but he doesn’t know if he should text him first. He’s feeling a little socially rusty, having not approached anyone with the intention of being friends in a long, long time. Which is why he jumps with glee when he sees he’s got a text notification from his new friend. But then he reads the text, and the glee morphes into unadulterated excitement.

 Jung Hoseok 🌞:

4:56 pm    I think i know who your penis belongs to

4:56 pm    can you send me a picture? I lost the flyers i kept from that time

                                       4:59 pm    You sent a picture

 5:01 pm   Yeah it’s really similar 

5:01 pm    Kim Seokjin, XXX-XXX-XXXX, probably currently working the counter at the campus coffee shop. 

5:02 pm     He’s tall, broad shoulders, awesome dick

Taehyung doesn’t even take the time to text back his thanks; he wraps up his project in a disorderly manner, wiping his hands on his shirt with no care in the world. He throws his backpack on and basically sprint to the coffee shop he usually tends to avoid. The owner is totally an evil capitalist, ripping off students with his overpriced coffee.

He gets there in record time, gasping for air as his poor lungs try to keep up with enough exercise to last him a lifetime.

He’s covered in clay stains, hair sticking to his sweaty forehead, clothes in dismay, lungs wheezing, so he should probably expect the next few events that unfold. 

He walks into the coffee shop still out of breath, asks if Kim Seokjin is there to the first employee he sees. This is one of those times where he’s happy he can’t read people’s expressions, because he has a feeling he’s being judged very much right now.

“He… just got off his shift.” The man at the counter answers hesitantly.

“Can you tell me where he went?” And what he was wearing?” Taehyung may be sounding a little desperate, but he doesn’t have the time to care.

“He was still in his uniform, so green, and he went that way.” He indicates with a vague wave of the hand.  

Taehyung starts running again, this time looking even more crazed as he scans his surroundings like a mad man, looking for someone tall with broad shoulders wearing green.

He spots him after running for a few minutes, thanking the heavens that the employee sent him in the right direction. He had every reason not to.

“Kim Seokjin!” He calls out, picking up his pace despite his lungs begging for a break. “Wait!”

He sees the man stop, take one look at him over his admittedly very large shoulders, then start sprinting away from him.

“No! Wait up!” He pushes himself harder than he ever has, his legs and lungs burning under the continuous strain, head feeling a little faint. “Please!” He calls out again in desperation. “Please look at my penis!”

This catches Seokjin’s attention, and he thankfully stops running, turning around as if to wait for him. Taehyung slows down to a jog, then to a complete stop, bending over gasping for air. Once his breathing is finally somewhat back to normal, he straightens up, only to come face to face with a bottle of pepper spray.

“W-wait!” He stutters, falling on his ass. “I swear I’m not a creep!”

“That’s exactly what a creep would say.” Seokjin answers, hovering over him threateningly, aiming the pepper spray directly at Taehyung’s face.

“I swear I just need you to look at my penis.”

This was the wrong thing to say apparently, because Seokjin gives the bottle a good shake as if to activate it. “That doesn’t sound as reassuring as you seem to think.”

“No! Wait!” He pleads again. “Not my penis.” He takes off his backpack, frantically digging through it until he finally pulls out his sculpture.  “ This penis.”

Seokjin doesn’t look totally convinced, but he finally lowers his weapon. “That’s a beautiful cock.” He admits after a moment of staring in silence. 

“Thank you. Is it yours?” 

"I don't remember owning that sculpture."

"Not the sculpture; the Penis."

Seokjin frowns, extending his hand, and Taehyung gingerly deposits his precious sculpture into his palm. The man finally puts away his pepper spray to free both his hands. He examines the penis under every angle, trying out the hold, measuring the testicles with his palm, staring at it long and hard.

Taehyung takes the opportunity to stand back up, keeping his distance this time.

“It does look very similar,” he concludes, hands going to his chin. “But this is not my penis. I don’t have a mole there.”

Taehyung deflates. He still asks, just in case. “So we haven’t slept together?”

Seokjin gives him back his sculpture with a snort. “You don’t look like anything I've ever slept with.” 

Taehyung realizes the state he’s in. He must look ridiculous right now.

“I’m from the sculpting department. I didn’t have the time to clean up. I don’t usually go around looking like I just rolled in the mud.”

“Explains a lot.” Seokjin nods, looking him up and down.

He dusts himself off as best as he can, but he can’t do much more cleaning up than that. He’ll probably have to go back home looking like that.

“So what’s your name?”

Taehyung feels dumb, he didn’t even have the decency to introduce himself before pulling out his penis. His social skills are frankly lacking.

“I’m Kim Taehyung. Sorry about all that, someone told me you could have the original version of this sculpture.”

“I’m flattered. It is pretty similar. Can I ask why you’re going around asking people to look at your– At this penis?” 

Taehyung sighs deeply, looking down at the penis in his hand. He did it once, he can do it again.

“Long story short I had an amazing one-night stand with the owner of this beautiful creature, but I have no idea who he is and the only clue I have is my perfect memory of his penis.”

“Sounds like a proper modern-day Cinderella story. But how come you don’t remember his face?” Seokjin questions, a hint of worry in his voice that would make sense in any other situation than Taehyung’s.

“I…. have face blindness, it’s this whole-”

“Ah, Yes, Prosopagnosia, I heard about that in class.”

“Oh. Well, yeah, so this is my only way of finding him.”

“So the Penis Flyers-”

“Yeah, that was also me. Forgot to write down my info, got caught by my teacher, that was a whole mess.” Taehyung admits, feeling discouraged.

“So now you’re basically going around town asking every man to try on the metaphorical glass shoes.”

“Basically.”

“Maybe don’t start off with ‘please look at my penis’ next time?” Seokjin recommends, which makes sense.

“I’ve been told that asking if we’ve slept together first thing is making me sound sleazy.”

“Yeah well, asking people to look at your penis isn’t better.”

“I’ll take good note of that.”

+

He drags his feet all the way back home.

He sees, pushed in the corner of his room, the material he got to make a mold, and wonders if now is the time to give up.

His exhibition is coming up, this whole thing made him late on his projects, and now he’s certain he’ll never reunite with Mystery Man. Maybe Mystery Man just doesn’t want to be found. Maybe he’s seen all his attempts and has simply steered clear, avoiding him all along. Maybe it’s time for Taehyung to make himself a silicon version and move on. He’s exhausted all his options, he’s out of time, and out of ideas.

He’s reading through the molding instruction, glad that this should be easy since he’s using a sculpture and not an actual living and breathing dick, when he realizes he hasn’t exhausted all his options. There’s still hope.

He jumps in the shower, picks out an outfit befitting of his destination, and goes off with hope in his heart.

+

The Bar isn't too busy, this being the middle of a school week, but there’s still some people going about, sharing drinks and being loud, in total denial of the oncoming train that is the end of a semester

Taehyung spots the barman, beeline for him. 

“Hey, do you know who usually works on Sundays?”

“That would be me.” Mr.Barman says, convincing Taehyung he finally has luck on his side.

Mr.Barman is on the tall side, with nice tattooed arms and wavy over-bleached hair tucked behind his ears. He’s making his forearm bulge seductively by polishing some beer glasses, and if Taehyung wasn’t on a mission to find his possible Mr.Perfect, he would be actively trying to get into his pants. 

“Do you, by any chance, recognize me?”

Mr.Barman doesn’t miss a beat.

“You’re a regular. And you gave me a blowjob once. Why are you asking?”

Well, Taehyung might have many flaws but at least he’s consistent.

“I was wondering if you remembered seeing me a few weeks ago– I was with a dude, about this height, with this body,” he adds, pulling out the sketch. He looks a little crazed, once again. But it’s ok, he’s reaching for straws here. “He had dark hair, but that’s all I can tell you. See, I have face-”

“-Blindness, I know, you cry about it every time you get drunk.”

Hm. And Taehyung thought he was a character full of mystery.

“I do know who you’re talking about. He’s a regular too.”

The irritation Taehyung feels is only momentary, everything melting away with this new bit of information. Someone saw them, someone knows what his Mystery Man looks like. He didn't hallucinate the whole thing. 

“Do you know his name??” He asks, pleading with his eyes. His heart is thumping wildly in his chest, desperation tangible.

“No. And he hasn’t been here since that night.” He says, crushing every hope and dream Taehyung mustered up in the last five seconds. He pauses his polishing, head tilting to the side. “But I do remember his face. I can try and draw him if you want.”

10 minutes later, Taehyung is looking at his disability in the face.

“Wow, you did it. You perfectly illustrated how people with face blindness see others.” Taehyung says, looking down at the drawing Jungkook (he asked for his name) quickly scribbled on a piece of napkin. It looks exactly like how he sees others.

Jungkook being good-natured, only laugh it off. “I can’t do much here, I’m working. But if you give me your number, I can try and do a better sketch once I get home. I’m from the painting department.”

“You would do that for me?” Taehyung asks, feeling deeply moved by Jungkook’s kindness. 

“Sure, it’s good practice for my portrait class anyways. You can take this as a thank you for the blow job.”

Taehyung nods to himself. 

“I do give amazing blowjobs.”

+

Jungkook, like any good art student, does not appreciate being rushed.

After a whole week of being told “it’s not ready yet”, Taehyung stops asking. 

He also wakes up one morning and realizes he only has a few days left before his exhibition.

Not only is he not done with all his pieces, he still hasn’t started studying for his finales which happen to be the week before his exhibition, meaning, the next day.

He pushes aside any thought of Mystery Man (except when he hugs the sculpture at night, heart yearning for the original), and jumps straight into his cramming strategy, which consists of hitting himself with the books until he’s absorbed the material. If he’s not studying, taking a finale, or sleeping, he’s huddled in the workshop with the other students of his department, functioning on coffee and eating various shades of sculpting material for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This is not what Taehyung expected when he was told that artists live from their arts.

The day before his exhibition, he’s barely feeling human, he’s got dried clay in places clay should never find itself, he doesn’t know words anymore and he has basically forgotten his own name.

No matter how fast he works, he realizes he won’t be able to finish his last pieces in time. He’s wracking his brain for a solution, thinking long and hard about just what he could do, when it hits him. 

The solution is right underneath his nose; 

His penis. It was always his penis. 

He’s supposed to expose pieces that he finds impactful, and if there’s anything that had a big impact on his life in the last few weeks, it’s his sculpture.

He can’t tell his teacher, he’ll categorically refuse. Not after the stunt he pulled with the flyers. Plus he wouldn't understand the cultural reset it was for Taehyung, finding and crafting that beautiful creature.

So he sets to work in secret. It shouldn’t be too hard, he hasn’t printed his labels yet. Plus the students are in charge of installing their own corner, meaning he can wait until the very last moment before the opening to put his penis on display.

He needs to find a name for his sculpture, so he texts his friends for help, but as usual, they are unhelpful.

 Asshole with pink hair:

6:45 pm  ‘ Suck on that’

 Hyungie:

6:45 pm    why are you asking me idk

 Jung Hoseok 🌞 :

6:50 pm   “ Long lost lover”

 He’s glad to see that his new friend will fit right in once he introduces him to everyone. 

He isn’t satisfied with the answer he gets, so he sends more text.

 Kim Seokjin:

7:05 pm  “Is this your penis?”

7:06 pm   Or better yet, “HAVE YOU SEEN THIS PENIS?”

7:06 pm   that way people will understand how current your art is

7:10 pm   Also I didn’t give you this number to chitchat

7:10 pm   after we find out his identity im cutting all ties with you

7:11 pm   Im just feeling invested right now

7:11 pm   that’s all

7:17 pm   Where’s your exhibition again?

Jeon Jungkook barman and artist:

9:56 pm  idk

9:56 pm  im almost done with the portrait btw

9:56 pm  you mind if I use it for my exhibition

9:56 pm  im really proud of it

 So not much more help on that side either.

+

The next day, Taehyung is busy setting up his corner and feeling emotional over his last exhibition.

He’s done with uni. He can go off into the world and live from his art. Or more like, he’ll first find a side job that’ll suck the life out of him, to pay for his art. Then he’ll spend a few years regretting every decision that led him to be an artist, but just as he’s about to give up, his sculptures will be noticed by a mysterious millionaire that’ll commission him thousands of dollars at first. He’ll refer him to his rich friend who will be all over his art and will throw their money at him.

Yeah, it’s a nice pipe dream.

He makes sure all the labels are in place, the lights are hitting his pieces in all the right way, and that no one notices him putting his penis in the middle of his space 30 seconds before they open the doors.

By the time his teacher notices, it’s already too late; the place flooded with friends, family, and even the occasional art critics that the university invited.

It’s not like his penis feels out of place in his setup. Most of his pieces are on the theme of the human body; studies of movement, skin texture, whatnot. If you look at it as a whole, you almost have a whole body. The only thing missing is a face, which is extremely fitting for Taehyung.

The wave of people coming is not preferable for Taehyung, since he doesn’t like crowded places. He’s never been a fan of their exhibition opening nights over the years. He keeps himself busy by trying his best to merge with the wall while people circle his pieces. His friends know he won’t be able to recognize them in the crowd, so they’ll come to him by themselves, he simply has to make himself visible.

“Hey babe,” Jimin says with mirth in his voice, “Is that greek?”

“Yeah” Taehyung answers, fixing his eyes on his most beloved and central piece. 

“I didn’t know you knew greek”

“I don’t, but Google does.”

The Penis is standing directly underneath his own spotlight, looking like a beacon of light, grabbing the envious stares of the people around it.

There’s a little white label by its base:

   Kim Taehyung

πέος, 2021

Red Clay  

(if you recognize this penis, please ask for the artist)

  “ What does it mean?”

“ Penis ”

Jimin hums, crossing his arm over his chest. “I guess I was not expecting anything less.”

Yoongi chooses that moment to appear, whistling his praise.

“So you did work this semester.” He jokes, bobbing his head with approval.

“Har, har.” Like he’s one to talk. He basically spent the last few months becoming one with his bed.

His phone vibrates in his pocket, and he expects it to be Hoseok or Seokjin telling him they’re here, but instead it’s from Jungkook, and it’s a picture.

A little gasp of surprise escapes him.

His hands shake as he opens up the text app, his heart thumping as the picture loads. He presses on it once it’s ready, taking up the full screen, and Taehyung can finally-... well, Taehyung can’t do anything with that. His case of face blindness is pretty severe, so even drawings are unrecognizable for him. But it’s something! A new clue! He can make a flyer out of this! He can-

“Why do you have a portrait of Namjoon on your phone?”

Time stops.

Yoongi’s voice echoes in his head, mocking him, but also stealing the carpet right from underneath his feet.

Why do you have a portrait of Namjoon on your phone?

A portrait of Namjoon

Namjoon

Namjoon, who stood in front of him silently, that day Yoongi invited him out, probably expecting some kind of reaction from Taehyung.

Namjoon who frequents the campus gym.

Namjoon, who’s tall and broad-shouldered.

Namjoon, who’s been around Taehyung for a while but was never told about his condition. 

Namjoon, who probably thinks Taheyung has been ignoring him all this time.

“Jesus fucking christ, My Mystery Man Is Kim Namjoon.”

Both his friends voice their confusion as Taehyung tries to rip his hair from his head.

“This penis belongs to Kim Namjoon, who doesn’t know I have face blindness, and who probably think I’ve been ignoring him all this fucking time.”

“Holy shit,” Yoongi says at the same time as Park Jimin, that prick, starts cackling uncontrollably. Taehyung always knew he was evil.

“This is- I’m so sorry but- This shouldn't be funny– But I can’t, it’s too funny.” He wheezes out in between laughter. “He was right there, probably confused as hell as to why you were showing his dick to everyone- I’m sorry this is so funny but also so, so sad. You never- oh my god.”

Under the attention of about half the gallery, he wipes the tears from his eyes, body convulsing with laughter.

“What the fuck are you waiting for.” He finally manages to say, taking a deep breath. “Hyung, didn’t you drag him here tonight?”

That seems to snap Yoongi out of his stupor.

“Fuck, yes he’s here, he’s... There!-” He says pointing somewhere, but then his voice dies down. “And now he’s leaving...”

Taehyung spots the man with a black cap currently walking out the exit with an angry stride. He reacts on instinct, running after his Not So Mysterious Man Anymore.

+

Kim Namjoon is having a very no good, very bad day. 

Not because of school, no. He aced all his finales, he doesn’t even need to get his grades back to know.

Not because of the weather either. No, it’s a beautiful spring day, and there’s a hint of cherry blossom in the air, wrapping the world in a romantic tint.

No, the reason he’s having a very no good very bad day, is because he can’t, for the love of God, get Kim Taehyung out of his head. 

It started with a very interesting dream, clearly drawing inspiration from the night they spent together. It woke him up at the crack of dawn, sweating up bullets and hard as a rock. Finding sleep afterward was nearly impossible, meaning his first precious day of vacation started way too fucking early.

Now music theory never sleeps, so he simply spent his morning trying to forget his dream, channeling all his energy on composing. 

But then Min Yoongi, long-time friend and co-compositor, had to go and ruin his fragile peace of mind by reminding him he had two tickets for the sculpting department exhibition, and Namjoon was obligated to show up. Meaning he would inevitably run into Kim Taehyung; Meaning he would agonize about him all day; Meaning , that he would be thinking about Kim Fucking Taehyung all day.

But it’s ok, because he was finally starting to come to terms with that too. Taehyung would probably ignore him again, and all he needed to do was circle the gallery once and get the fuck out.

But no.

Oh no.

Life had better plans.

Because right into the center of Taehyung's exhibition space, is his very own penis, standing proudly, mocking him.

He can recognize it from the flyers, so he knows instantly that it’s Taehyung’s work. 

He’s stunned by the audacity, wondering once again what he did to draw Taehyung’s ire upon himself. The flyers were not enough, no he had to go and put it on display as his final fuck you to Namjoon. Even wrote 'penis' in greek as a title, confirming Namjoon's theory that this is all a ploy to make fun of him.

Namjoon has had enough, he’s getting the fuck out of there. 

He spins on his heel at the speed of light, taking advantage of every inch of his long legs to walk out as fast as possible. He ignores the call of his name that follows after him, readjusting the cap on his head.

He’s fuming, feeling tears of frustration building up. He doesn’t deserve this. He’s been nothing but respectful of Taehyung. He’s been staying away from him too. 

He doesn’t deserve this.

He makes it a few blocks before his phone starts going off every 5 seconds with incoming texts, forcing him to finally look at it.

 Yoongi Hyung:

6:14 pm   Before anything, know that Taehyung suffers from severe face blindness.

6:14 pm   I know you know what that means you wikipedia rat

6:15 pm   I didn’t tell you cause it’s none of my business who he chooses to tell

6:15 pm   But the dumbass has been trying to find you for weeks using your dick because he had no other way to identify you

6:15 pm   Your pinning hasn't been exactly subtle either

6:16 pm    he ran after you when you left but I bet he’s pleading with the wrong person in the street right now

6:17 pm   Nice dick by the way

 He rereads the series of text to try and make sense of them. Only after the third read, does he finally understand.

Well, shit.

+

“Please Namjoon listen to me, you have to listen to me, I didn't mean to ignore you, I just didn't know it was you!-” Taehyung pleads, holding on to his sleeve.

“Can you please let go of me?!”

His voice sounds a little older than what Taehyung remembers, but he doesn’t have the time to think too much about that. Maybe he’s got a cold or something.

“-I can explain everything if you can just give me two minutes-”

“I don’t know who you think I am, but I’m not this kind of person.”

Taehyung isn’t deterred, holding on to him desperately “-Please I swear just two- no, one minute, even one minute is enough-”

Someone clears their throat, tapping him softly on the shoulder. 

“Sorry sir, I believe my friend here is mistaking you for me.”

Now that’s a familiar voice. A voice he recognizes from many occasions. 

Taehyung lets go of his poor unsuspecting victim, taking a step back which is all it takes for them to run away from him.

He finally comes face to face with the source of all his past weeks' torment.

The height is there, the shoulders are there, the body proportions are there, the hair color is completely different, but Jimin did mention he changed it recently. He’s got the black cap on, the one that made Taehyung mistake a perfect stranger on the street for him.

It’s him. He found him. It’s his Mystery Man, his cinderella. He’s got him.

“Namjoon?”

“Yes, that’s me.” He confirms, voice gentle.

“Kim Namjoon.” He repeats, trying the name out on his tongue. His body is filling up with butterflies, and he can’t feel his toes.

“And here I thought you just could never remember my name.”

“I can explain–” He rushes, eager to get rid of the misunderstanding.

“It’s ok, Yoongi told me.”

“And about your penis–”

“Yes, Yoongi told me about that too.” Namjoon cuts him off, the tip of his ears getting pink.

“I’m so sorry– I should have asked your name then. I mean– you made me come four times .”

Namjoon chuckles, catching one of Taehyung’s hands mid flail and holding it with both of his, making his heart jump.

“We’ve basically known each other for years, so maybe it’s a good thing you didn’t. I don’t think I would have appreciated it then.”

“I guess that’s true. I’m still sorry.”

“I’m sorry too, I could have come up to you first. I mean, I’m the one who sneaked out in the morning. I had an 8 am class, by the way. I didn’t leave because I wanted to. But you have my number so… I assumed you would call me. ”

“I have your number...?” It's pretty vague, but it does ring a bell. He's got a blurry memory of time, around their first meeting, when Namjoon and he had exchanged their numbers for Yoongi related reasons. “That’s right, I do have your number. Fuck.”

“Well, I know now this wouldn’t have changed anything for you, since you simply didn't know it was me you were with.” Namjoon snorts, but not unkindly. More at the situation. 

But Taehyung still feels terrible.

“I’m so sorry.” He whines, feeling like burying his face in Namjoon’s chest. But they’re not there yet. “I tend to keep people at a distance to avoid misunderstandings.”

“It’s ok, I get it now. I guess I wish I knew before, but I get it now.”

“Good. I should have told you sooner. I was actually planning on doing it soon if that’s any consolation.”

“It is.” Namjoon murmurs, inching closer to him.

“Cool, cool cool.” Taehyung blurts out nervously.

This is it. This is his chance. Everything that has transpired in the last few weeks is leading up to this moment. 

"So," Namjoon starts when Taehyung has been silent for too long. "Yoongi said you were looking for me... Any particular reasons?"

"Well, yes." He answers but stops. All of this means nothing. It doesn't mean that Namjoon will accept to go out with him. He has no idea how Namjoon feels about him, and he sure as hell cannot tell by his facial expression. He's going in blind, no reason to believe that Namjoon wants to have to do anything with him. For all he knows, Namjoon is only here to settle the misunderstanding, and then be on his way. Maybe he's even mad about the penis flyers.

But then he also remembers that Namjoon is holding his hand right now. It's now or never.

He takes a deep breath for bravery and goes for it.

“Kim Namjoon, can I please take you out on a date?”

Namjoon doesn’t let him second guess himself, word leaving his mouth as fast as a blink.

“Absolutely.”

Apparently, they’ve gathered a crowd because there’s cheerful hooting and shouting erupting around them. But Taehyung pays them no mind as he goes in for a hug, Namjoon meeting him halfway.

“Wait, wait,” Namjoon says, suddenly, taking a step back. “I still don’t know why you put my penis on display at the center of your exhibition.”

Taehyung chuckles, bringing Namjoon back in. 

“Simple, ‘cause it’s a masterpiece.”

+

 2 months later

There’s a knock at the door, which throws Taehyung off. He’s getting ready for his date with Namjoon– their actual first date– and is not expecting anyone. Jimin knows the code, so it can’t be him, unless–

“Hello sir, would you be open to receiving the words of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ?”

“Jimin, I swear to god, I can tell it’s you by your voice. And no one from church would dress like you do, slut.”

Moving in with Jimin is as much a blessing as it is a curse. A blessing because, well, they’re best friends. A curse because his best friend’s favorite hobby is to try and prank him. Taehyung almost misses the time where Jimin was treating his face blindness as a taboo. 

Almost.

The last two months have been a whirlwind of life-changing events for Taehyung. 

First, moving in with Jimin is a pretty big deal. Not only has Taehung been living alone for the last three years, living with someone is sometimes a challenge for him. Wondering why a stranger is standing in your kitchen at 3 am, brain slowed down by sleep and the weak lighting not helping, isn’t always a recipe for success. But he’s slowly getting used to it, and Jimin, as much as he can be a prick, is being patient with him.

The second big event is, well, his current job. Somehow his workshop teacher, even after everything, recommended him for a job at a sculpture academy. He now teaches different types of sculpting medium to children, four nights a week. Pretty sweet gig.

At first, he was going crazy out of his mind worrying about working with children, but four weeks in and he’s feeling confident. He sat down with the kids the first week to explain to them what face blindness is, and although the children were initially confused, they now enjoy switching names with each other for the duration of his classes, to mess with his head.

Jokes on them, Taehyung also called their parents during that first week. So far, none of the children have noticed that their parents have been making them wear certain accessories every time they leave for the academy. Checkmates.

And the last big event, of course, is Namjoon. 

In between moving, his new job, and Namjoon’s own busy schedule, they have yet to go on an actual full-blown date. But they’ve slowly been getting to know each other. They make time to go on quick coffee dates sometimes, and they text none-stop. Namjoon hasn’t seen his new place yet, but they’ve hung out at Namjoon’s plenty of time. 

His boyfriend (he gets giddy thinking about that word) also showed up at the academy a few times to walk him back home (The first time he kept it as a surprise, but he quickly realized Taehyung didn’t like surprises; especially when it means having a tall stranger approach him in the dark without saying anything. Now he texts beforehand.)

“Do you like this outfit? Or should I go with my floral button-up?” He asks Jimin, who’s lounging on his bed after his failed prank attempt. 

“Why are you so stressed? It’s not like it's the first time you two see each other.”

“Because the chances of me getting laid tonight are extremely high and I want to look good.”

“Oh?” Jimin perks up, knowing full well Taehyung and Namjoon have been taking their time to get to know each other. “Should I sleepover at Hobi’s tonight?”

Another new development from the last two months: Jimin and Hoseok’s instant attraction. They’ve been dancing around each other since the exhibition, but it looks like it’s finally getting ‘ sleeping-over-at-each-others-place ’ serious.

“...Good idea,” Taehyung answers, not because he wants the house to himself (though it’s a nice perk), but he likes giving a little push to love sometimes.

His friend circle can finally be called a circle now. Somehow, Hoseok, Seokjin, and Namjoon just naturally fit into his now actually social, social life. Namjoon was the easiest since he already knew Yoongi and Jimin. Hoseok got it easy by becoming Jimin’s more-than-friend, and Seokjin just showed up one day with a video of that time, outside the gallery, when Taehyung thought an older gentleman was Namjoon because of his black cap. 

He looks at the time, curses when he realizes he’s going to be late. He grabs his wallet and puts on his shoes in a rush, and makes it out the door accompanied by Jimin shouting “Don’t you dare fuck on the couch or you’re buying a new one!”

He makes it to the Bar with only a few minutes to spare, and as luck would have it, Jungkook is working. He’s come to recognize his tattooed arm and bleached locks instantly. 

Namjoon would have texted him if he was there, which means he’s cutting it close as well, so he sends a quick ‘here 💖’ text before sitting down at the Bar with a big smile.

“You make me want to puke,” Jungkook says, disgust dripping from his words. 

“Hey now don’t be jealous, I’m sure you’ll find yourself a monster cock as well one day.”

Somehow, he and Jungkook started texting on a semi-regular basis. It’s mostly Jungkook begging Taehyung to introduce him to Seokjin (apparently he’s been crushing on the man since he first saw him at the coffee shop), which Taehyung has to find excuses every time to avoid telling Jungkook the cold, harsh truth.

(“I don’t date men with bleached hair, it ruins my whole aesthetic.” Jin said after the first time Taehyung asked. Which aesthetic he’s talking about, Taehyung has no idea.)

But that also means that Jungkook has heard all about his very fascinating and blooming love story with Namjoon.

“Did you tell Seokjin I said hi?”

“Dude, just go and ask him out. You know where he works, you know where he studies, you even know his birthday, which is really creepy when you two have never talked by the way. Just, go ask him out, he won’t be able to resist you once he actually sees how attractive you are.” He pauses for a second, then adds for safety measure, “But if he reaches in his pocket, just run the other way.”

“What?” 

“Don’t ask, just trust me.” Taehyung has some unpleasant flashbacks of a bottle of pepper spray being waved in front of his face. He shakes his head to try and get rid of the memory.

“And how would you even know that I’m attractive, you don’t actually know what I look like.” Jungkook retorts.

“Shut up, just go and ask him.”

“Just go and ask him what?” A familiar voice asks from behind him, and Taehyung's smile is back full force. He rotates on his chair and jumps into Namjoon’s arms, hearing him groan under the strain of his weight. He can hear Jungkook fake gagging behind him, the actual child.

They share a quick kiss before they both sit down at the bar.

“You’re not seriously thinking about having your date here, are you?”

Taehyung snorts, tempted to mess with Jungkook, but Namjoon is the one to answer.

“No we just wanted to get the evening started with a nice drink, but we have a reservation to an actual fancy restaurant, paid graciously by Taehyung's actual serious adult job.”

“Is it a serious adult job if he had to stop a kid from eating his donut-shaped clay yesterday?”

“Shut up. If you keep being like that I’m going to order the most annoying thing on the menu.”

Jungkook scoffs and walks away, without actually taking their orders.

They both watch him do a big show of ignoring them, answering other customers without turning in their direction.

“Let’s just get out of here.” Namjoon whispers in his ear. “We can go waste time walking around aimlessly, hand in hand.”

“God, you’re so cheesy,” Taehyung mutters, but he actually loves it.

His dating experience before Namjoon amounts to an enormous zero, but it’s not because he’s one of those unattainable, i-don’t-believe-in-love types of people that live rent-free in Hollywood movies. He simply never thought it would be possible to get close to someone romantically with his condition. But since officially meeting Namjoon, he’s been researching, and turns out, he totally can. 

There are even people, artists like him, who've noticed that repeatedly drawing or painting their loved one has made them actually able to remember their face (not 100% of the time, but he’ll take what he can get.). So he’s been sketching, using pictures, trying out different angles. He’s planning on using clay at one point. He’s totally the girl from Lionel Richie’s music video. Which makes Namjoon Lionel Richie.

“Did you know that I was inspired by Lionel Richie’s music video to sculpt your penis?”

Namjoon chuckles under his breath, squeezing Taehyung’s hand just a little bit more. The hot summer air is making their palms sweaty, but they both don’t care. 

“Where is that thing, by the way? It’s been a while since I’ve last seen it.”

“I put it on my bedside table when I moved in and I haven't moved it since. I’m thinking about making it into a lamp. I have to keep it out of reach of Jimin and Hoseok, they both seem a little too interested.”

Namjoon grimaces. Or Taehyung is assuming that’s his grimacing face. 

“Please never let it fall into their hands.”

“I swear on my honor, I shall protect your penis.”

“Thank you, I feel better now. I still can’t believe they put it on the first page of ‘Sculpting Now’. Crazy how all of your friends and the sculpting world know what my dick looks like.

“It’s a masterpiece. If it was mine I would never keep it in my pants, I’d always want to show it off.”

“How are you not in prison right now?”

“I don’t have your dick in my pants, sadly. Did you know that Seokjin almost pepper-sprayed me the first time we met? In retrospect, having a stranger run after you, pleading for you to look at their dick is a good excuse to pull out your pepper spray.”

“Wait, you did what?”

“It was all in the name of love.”

Namjoon shakes his head, probably disappointed in him.

+

Namjoon is utterly enamored. Every time Taehyung recalls a story from when he ran around school trying to find him, he falls a little bit more in love. 

He was so nervous for their first romantic date that he couldn’t eat during the day, but Taehyung is making him feel at ease, as he usually does, so hunger is coming back with a vengeance.

“Should we go to the restaurant now?” He asks, pulling Taehyung along with him. "It's almost time."

“Let’s.” Taehyung agrees readily, “I’m ravenous.”

They quickly make their way to the restaurant, only to find its door closed. There’s a sign in the window reading “Closed for vermin infestation”.

“Oh.” Namjoon says, “Dammit. That’s not good.”

There’s this awkward silence, filled with growling sounds from both their bellies. It’s too late to make reservations anywhere nice, and anywhere else risks being too loud for a romantic Rendez-Vous. Namjoon is scrambling his brain for a solution when Taehyung’s shy voice interrupts.

“Hum, if you want to– Jimin told me he wouldn't be home tonight, so… You want to come over? We can pick up some ramen on the way.”

Taehyung’s face might be neutral, but the blush growing on his cheeks is anything but. Namjoon takes a moment to appreciate the sight that he makes, burning up in embarrassment. Without the blushing, Namjoon would have believed he’s only inviting him for ramen, but the angry red of his cheeks is definitely betraying Taehyung’s intentions.

He nods his agreement, feeling anticipation replace hunger in the pit of his stomach.

+

 Having Namjoon in his space is a new experience. 

The apartment is still messy from their move, boxes lying around, but they’ve managed to make it quite homey. Everything that is necessary to their everyday life has been unboxed, only the odd objects being ignored by Jimin and him.

He puts on some soft music to set a nice mood, and Namjoon is humming along straight away, which is all the approval he needs to feel confident about his music selection. Music Theory graduate approved. 

 He gets to work on the ramen while he directs Namjoon on where to find a cheap bottle of wine and some wine glasses. He sets the table, trying to make it as nice as possible, but it’s really just a pot of bubbling ramen and two bowls with some chopsticks. 

They eat in comfortable silence, the music playing in the background mixing with the sound of their eating.

But then Namjoon dumps the content of his wine glass on his tan-colored pants, and it’s downhill from there.

“Damn it!” He curses, jumping to his feet. He grabs some napkins to try and pat some wine off, but it’s already been absorbed by his fancy suit pants. 

“Quick, take them off,” Taehyung says, not thinking too hard and only reacting to the situation at hand. “Let’s rinse them in the sink.” 

Namjoon complies, taking them off in record time, passing them on to Taehyung like it’s a relay race.

Taehyung deposits them straight in the sink, opening the tap and letting the water hopefully get rid of most of the stain. They both stand there for a minute, staring at the water filling up. 

But then it hits Taehyung that Namjoon’s thighs are currently bare and in his vicinity. He sneaks a quick peek to satisfy his horny brain, but he’s quick to snap his eyes back to the sink to avoid doing anything stupid.

Like, let’s say , dropping to his knees. 

He can feel himself blushing, his cheeks, ears, and neck feeling hot. He knew exactly what he was doing, inviting Namjoon for some ramen, but now that he can act on it, he’s suddenly feeling very shy. 

Plus, not being able to read facial expressions never really impaired his ability to get laid. He used to just– go to the bar, wait until someone would offer him to get out of there, and go for it. 

But this is not a bar, and Namjoon won’t ask him if he wants to get out of there. He has no idea how to tell if Namjoon wants to jump into bed with him. Or not. 

He takes matters into his own hands.

“So, as you know,” He starts, staring intently at the water flowing out of the tap, “this whole face blindness thing– I can’t really read your facial expressions. So in the future, it’ll be hard for me to figure out if you’re angry or happy, or sad, or… or horny. I’ve never done this whole– Romantic relationship thing, but I’m guessing we’re going to have to be really vocal with how we’re feeling, what we want, whatnot.”

He lets his statements hang in the air, staring at the stain that doesn’t seem to want to go away. He’s thinking maybe this will have to be removed professionally. 

But then, Namjoon chooses that moment to drop a soft kiss on his nape.

“Are you asking me, right now, if I want you?” 

Taehyung turns around, letting himself be cornered against the counter. Namjoon has his nicely defined biceps, somehow peeking through his suit vest, on each side of him. He absolutely loves it.

“Yes. I am.”

Namjoon kisses his neck once again, and Taehyung is this close to losing it. 

“I absolutely want you.” His boyfriend finally answers, landing a heavy kiss on his lips, sucking all the air out of Taehyung’s lungs.

 After turning Taehyung’s inside to mush via lips on lips crime, he returns to his assault on Taehyung’s neck, peppering the skin he can reach with sweet kisses, each one sending electricity straight to his groin. 

“Do you want me?” Namjoon questions softly into his ear, making Taehyung's eyes roll back so far he’s scared they’ll never come back. 

“Fuck yes.” He grinds out, voice turning to a whine when Namjoon, emboldened by Taehyung’s enthusiasm, rocks his pelvis into his in a languid motion.

He sees white then, bringing Namjoon’s mouth back to his, smashing their mouths together in a wet and messy kiss.

“How important are your pants?” He inquires in between kisses, enjoying the slow grinding Namjoon has going on. He’s still in his suit pants, but Namjoon only has the thin cotton of his boxer brief as a barrier. Taehyung can clearly feel his monster cock waking up from its slumber. 

“Not very important.” He finally answers, hands letting go of the counter to firmly grab at Taehyung’s ass. 

Taehyung can proudly say he’s got a fat ass, and Namjoon seems to appreciate it if the growl that escapes him is anything to go by.

He gets to work on the buttons of Namjoon’s dress shirt, Namjoon getting the message and taking his vest off by himself. Soon he’s standing there in only his boxer briefs and socks, while Taehyung is still fully dressed.

It’s kind of hot. 

They slow it down a little, Taehyung pushing Namjoon away so he can take a good look at him. 

The light of the kitchen falls almost gracefully over Namjoon’s defined chest, creating shadows that chisel out his muscles even more. It’s a sight to behold. 

He drags his hands down Namjoon's body, teasing a nipple as he goes with a flick of the thumb, mapping out his taut stomach with the tip of his finger, then coming back up to hold onto his strong shoulders.

“You know, I’m like, really good at massages. I feel like this is something you should know.”

Seems like this is all the time Namjoon will allow him away from him. He reels him back in with an arm around his waist, the other taking hold of one of Taehyung’s hands and bringing it to his mouth. He nips at his fingers, maintaining eye contact while he uses his tongue to soothe the sting.

How he’s even real is beyond Taehyung.

“Do you need help undressing?” Namjoon teases, reaching for his belt.

“Let me close the tap and we can move this to my room.” 

Namjoon doesn’t give him a response, only cages him once again against the counter, plastering the full length of his warm body to his. He reaches behind Taehyung and moments later, the soft ambiance music is the only thing they can hear again. 

Taehyung leads him to his bedroom, taking off his vest as they go. Somehow Namjoon already got his belt buckle, so he unceremoniously drops his pants to the floor, then jumps on his bed.

“Welcome to my room. That’s my desk, that’s my bedside table, that’s a replica of your penis, but I heard the original is planning on making an appearance tonight. This is my bed. Hope you enjoyed the tour.” He finally gets to the final button, looking up eagerly as he sends his shirt off to the side, wondering what’s taking Namjoon so long to get on the goddamn bed.

He finds his lover completely captivated by his penis duplicate.

“You’ve got the same one in your pants, you know. Get you your ass over here.” 

“Sorry I was just thinking… it’s crazy how similar you made it only from your memory.”

“Excuse me?” Taehyung objects, crossing his arms over his chest. “They’re not just similar, they’re identical.” 

“Only one way to check, is there?” Namjoon taunts, before finally, finally getting rid of his briefs, releasing the Kraken. 

Except he also grabs hold of the sculpture, bringing it close so he can do a side-by-side comparison. 

“You’re right, it is identical. How did you even manage that?” He says, awe in his voice. “Have you ever used it on yours–” 

Namjoon loses his train of thought as he takes in the sight of Taehyung, laying in bed completely naked, pumping himself at a leisurely pace and looking very unimpressed. 

“No, I haven’t. But if you don’t get into bed in the next 5 seconds I just might consider it.”

Namjoon doesn’t have to be told twice.

[oh-theatre]

“Look you wanted to talk so here I am, whats up” typically what followed that was a conversation but instead Patton was taken gently in Logan’s palms and kissed under the dingy bleachers while the football team played in the nearby field.

Patton has never been kissed before, he never had the need or want. Sure guys were cute and he definitely had some crushes but nothing ever made his heart burst with excitement and his face flush so deep.

Not until Logan. He had only known this snarky boy for a year after he transferred here with his older brother Janus. He hadn’t thought much of it and didn’t expect any kind of relationship but soon they had classes together, after school activities become a usual spotting area. But they were friends. Best friends definitely, you can truly connect with someone over the year.

They shared inside jokes, became co Presidents of the student council, led the debate team to constant victories and were never absent during each others performances. Whether it be a cheerleading thing for Patton or a soccer match for Logan, they were front row shouting their support.

But that’s all it was, a friendship. An amazing one sure. Teasing eachother as they studied at one another’s house. Linking arms as they walked through the hall listening to their other friends. Secret looks at the lunch table and a sort of routine they had fallen into. Plus Logan’s crush was no secret, it was Patton’s favorite thing to hear about. The way he gushed.

But he never said a name

Never anything specific

And then he told Patton to meet him under the bleachers. It was a particularly rough day for the pair, they had gotten into a previous fight earlier. Patton can’t even remeber what set him off but they hadn’t spoken until this moment.

Which prompted the curt “Look you wanted to talk so here I am, whats up” and yet nothing could prepare him for the ever confident Logan taking control. Patton wanted more as soon as it happened but Logan pulled away. Patton couldn’t read his face, was he shocked, embarrassed.. disgusted? Was Patton really that bad?

“I’m in love with you, which is a ridiculous statement to make as a junior in highschool but it’s one I stand by.” Patton couldn’t respond, his fingers traced the spot where Logan had kissed him, it still sizzled with such a sensation. “You’re better than everyone at this lousy school, you are who you are and you’re so smart and it’s not fair for me to get to be your friend, it’s not fair to walk around beside you everyday because I don’t hold a candle to you. I’m not shit” he kicks the ground, Patton listens but he’s still so lost in this entrancment. “And everyday you tear yourself down and that’s not fair, it’s not because if anyone at this school should get to walk around like they own it, it should be you” he finished not really sure what he was going for

“Lo?” Patton manages finally seeing the sea of gray and blue eyes look up to him “That was the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.” He giggles “You don’t hold a candle to me? Are you kidding? Not that school is the all defining factor of how amazing you are but look at everything you’ve accomplished, look at who you are! I love who you are! And god this is really dumb! We are just silly juniors whose hormones are off the charts but let’s let them run wild!” He can feel the energy, this was something he had wanted, he knew it deep down. He didn’t hesitate before returning the favor, only this time it wasn’t gentle, it was fierce and passionate. And they didn’t part until they both couldn’t breathe.

With Logan’s hands still around Patton’s waist, he took a moment. “This could be a really bad idea” he warns

“It definitely could be, you’re not wrong! But I believe in this and if this really doesn’t work out, I believe in our friendship. Because who am I going to sit in the library with for an hour and talk about how many of histories greatest stories had gay subtext?”

“You got me there” he chuckles. “So we try?”

“We absolutely do”

And they did just that, no one expected it to work. Roman held faith but even Logan and Patton were skeptical. It was highschool, it was unpredictable. But soon enough graduation came and they stood side by side delivering their valedictorian speeches. They embraced as soon as they received their diplomas. With Logan in Washington and Patton in New York it was sure to crash and burn, but frequent visits and talks, trust and communication, even studying abroad together in London they still went strong. Then college ended and they kept going, through jobs, through buying a new apartment together and getting a dog, moving to Washington permanently, through hardships and fights, through night and day, these highschool kids built a future together. Marriage came, adoption, success through so many trial and error but they built a life, and they did it together, together and in love.

“Earth to Logan” Janus snapped one front of his dazed brothers face.

“Hm? Apologies I guess I got distracted” his eyes remained planted on Patton. He was across the library browsing for books. He would join them in a moment so they could continue to study.

“You’re really not going to tell him?” Janus lowered his voice, a calmer presence.

“Can’t lose what I have, it’s not worth the risk” Logan sighs, Patton adds a bounce to his step as he finds the book he wants before skipping back to the brothers. A smile so bright as he sits down and opens the book.

“Ok! Let’s try this from the beginning” Patton smiles.

“Let’s try” Logan agrees, the sorrow in his voice rings throughout. And he did try to focus on the topic at hand, but soon the voices faded out and all he could think about was that future, that non existent future, how dare he let his mind run that way. He was better than that.

Focus Logan.

Focus.

[spidercakes]

Teacher tony and student peter. Peter’s flirting not so subtly and tony ignores it until peter shows up in a short skirt and he can’t take it anymore.

Yes!

All the warnings that are applicable to this are sort of implied by the prompt itself though no actual smut happens, its just implied. I may or may not write a part two with the actual smut!

*

Peter fucking Parker. Its not that Tony doesn’t like the kid, or that he’s not bright, or that he’s not stupid attractive considering he’s supposed to be an awkward teenager, its that Tony is his teacher and this kid has been making it increasingly difficult to ignore him. And its not like its Peter’s fault, so he’s got a crush on his teacher. He’s not the first but its Tony’s responsibility to not make a move. Not that he doesn’t want to, god he wants to with the kid sitting there in that fucking stupid short skirt of his that can’t possibly fit the school dress code.

He’s got his legs crossed and with one leg tucked over the other even more of his god damn leg is exposed and he’s insisted on putting his hand on his thigh, lightly running his fingers along it. Fuck, he’d like to run his fingers up Peter’s soft looking thighs, pushing that skirt up just a little further as Peter rides him, hands curled around his neck as he whimpers into Tony’s ear. He’d fuck him soft and slow, testing Peter’s patience as he gets more desperate and his fingers curl tighter into Tony’s hair while fucking begs for it in Tony’s ear.

He shakes his head a little, banishing the thoughts because Peter is his student and even if he wasn’t he’s still seventeen. Almost eighteen, Tony’s mind supplies him like reaching that age will somehow magically make him less off limits. Like he’ll suddenly grow an amount of maturity in the next two months that will make their relationship even remotely okay. It wouldn’t and he shouldn’t think of Peter this way at all. Or any other teen, not that he’s ever had this problem before. Sure kids these days are weirdly smart and politically aware with the side of the usual teenage dumbassery but attraction to them is something Tony has never had an issue with.

Then Peter fucking Parker came along and he has to look like that. Especially in that god damn skirt of his. And its red too, the shade Tony likes best and he figures Peter probably figured out that his favorite color is red. Not exactly hard when its one of the only colors he wears. Peter tends to prefer that soft shade of pink so Tony is sure this is on purpose. He’s never even seen Peter wear red before.

He turns resolutely away from him to look over the tests from the last class and he swears to fucking god the first one he picks up has got to be from the dumbest student in the class. He loves science, always has, and he gets that none of the students will be as good at it as him but fuck, on a multiple choice question he doesn’t expect the students to pick the only answer that’s obviously wrong either. He sighs and continues through the test, sure that the student picked the answer because he thought it was funny or something but it becomes clear pretty fast that the poor bastard took ‘if you don’t know go with c’ a little too close to heart.

The students in this class slowly trickle out, leaving their tests with him and he hopes they aren’t as fucking dumb as his last class. He should have taught art and history like Rogers, no chance of watching what he loves get butchered and art is impossible to fail. If people can paint a single black dot on a big ass canvas and call it art its not possible to fail the damn class. Science? You’re pretty much either right or wrong. He should have taught university level, at least he could trust that they’d know the basics well enough that he could be angry that they’re so dumb. In high school the problem is his teaching, apparently. Except the football players, they’re fucking hopeless regardless of the teacher.

It surprises him when Peter ends up there for the whole time period because he’s smart, far smarter than his peers and Tony knows he dumbs himself down in class. He knows too much about the concepts in ways that aren’t applicable to high school learning to not be dumbing himself down, so it usually results in him being done any and all tests first. So when he comes up to him with his test looking a little sheepish Tony knows something is up. Peter bites his lip and Tony’s attempts to have gotten the damn kid out of his head get thrown out the window instantly. Should have chosen something harder to focus on than science, that’s more than easy to him. Should have tried to figure out what the fuck the english department is doing.

“Um... I didn’t get the test done. Can I come back after school to finish it?” he asks.

Tony should say no, he would to any other student who asked. He goes to tell him no but that’s not what comes out. “Sure, Peter,” he says, ignoring the awkward pause between his words because his first instinct is to call Peter ‘baby’ and that’s fucking ridiculous. And wildly inappropriate.

Peter looks enthused as he drops his test on Tony’s desk. “Thanks, Mr. Stark!” he says happily, flouncing off towards the door.

“Can I do that?” someone else asks and Tony looks the kid over.

“No.”

“The fuck, how come Parker gets to come back?” he asks and Tony rolls his eyes.

“Because ‘Parker’ doesn’t regularly skip my class to go get high. Don’t look so surprised, absolutely none of you are good at covering up the smell and even less of you are smart enough to avoid walking past the giant ass windows that are right there,” he says, gesturing to the wall of windows to his right. “Seriously, at least be smart enough to avoid the windows of the class you’re supposed to be in.”

Peter snickers by the door looking amused and he knows he should tell Peter not to laugh but he can’t bring himself to do it. “You let Parker get away with everything,” the kid mumbles and Tony shrugs.

“Well, he’s got a ninety eight in this class and you know what your grade is,” he mumbles, causing Peter to snort and start laughing again. He gets a dirty look for it and Tony is gracious enough to let the mumbled swear words pass unnoticed mostly because he doesn’t really care. Instead he focuses on the way Peter looks at him as he slips out the door, smile on his face. God damn he needs to get over himself.

*

Peter’s behind his desk, legs spread a little and he can’t really see anything really but Tony’s got a pretty wild imagination and he’s happy he’s sitting behind a desk. Peter chews on his pen quietly, occasionally shooting Tony a look accompanied by a small smile before turning back to his test. He’s sure, positive, that Peter is doing this on purpose. Or he’s imagining the whole thing to suit his wants so he shakes his head a little, trying to focus on the tests he needs to mark and not the way Peter’s hand slips down and trails his fingers up the inside of his thigh. God, he can’t be that ignorant to his actions, right?

Either way Tony does his best to avoid looking at Peter for too long and Peter makes that a fucking hardship looking like that. But eventually, mercifully, Peter gets up, looking over his test answers for a moment before letting out a soft ‘oh’ and turning around to fix whatever it is he’s noticed. And instead of sitting back down like a normal fucking person he bends over, ass facing Tony and in that short little skirt of his Tony can see the red lace and that’s it, he fucking loses it, getting out of his seat and walking towards Peter before he can even form a conscious thought about it.

When Peter turns around Tony is right there already, pushing him onto the desk behind him. He runs one hand up Peter’s thigh, it feels as soft as it looks, and curls the other around his neck, bringing him in for a kiss. It occurs to him maybe too late to ask but Peter gives him an enthusiastic, if silent, yes in the form of wrapping his arms around Tony’s neck and curling his legs around his waist. Peter’s back arches into him and he lets out a soft moan into Tony’s mouth as Tony toys with the edge of his skirt.

Peter’s fingers make their way into his hair and Tony can’t help the small noise of pleasure he lets out because he’s imagined this a million times, the way Peter would curl his fingers into his hair and pull at it a little bit as he gets desperate, moans growing increasingly louder as Tony teases him. Not that he needs the fantasies now, Peter is clearly more than willing to make those late night fantasies a reality with the way he’s clinging to Tony’s body. But he has to pull away a little. Peter immediately lets out a whine at the loss, making Tony laugh softly before leaning back in and giving him a soft, slow kiss that has Peter all but melting in his grasp. Fuck he’s hot.

Doesn’t change the fact that they’re in a classroom though and Peter pouts at him when he pulls back again. “Mr. Stark,” he all but whines at him.

Tony pets Peter’s thighs lightly. “Baby, we’re in a classroom,” he points out.

“So?” Peter says, petulant.

He gestures to the big ass wall of windows that thankfully don’t face the street. The problem is self evident but it doesn’t seem to phase Peter any. “Your point?” he says and Tony really has no idea where he gets this stuff.

“My point is that I’m not looking to lose my job over witnesses, tempting as you are,” he murmurs, hands dropping down to Peter’s narrow waist. His skirt is hiked up even further and that mostly just tempts him more.

“Fine then,” Peter says, “I’m sure we can find somewhere in here with no windows.”

Yeah, a fucking janitor’s closet and that’s so not what he has in mind for this. “Baby, we can do better than a desk in a school,” he points out.

Peter still pouts at him though, “aw, I had a few fantasies about yours,” he says, leg around Tony’s waist hitching a bit higher. God damn Tony does too but it doesn’t change the window situation.

He leans in and kisses Peter again, “you know where I live, hmm?” he murmurs into his mouth. Benefit of the suburbs, he figures, is knowing your neighbors. Actually he fucking hates that, misses the anonymity of New York city, but right now it works in his favor because Peter nods. “Good. You’re gunna go home, tell your aunt you’re staying at Ned’s, and then you’re going to come over to my place and I’m going to show you what happens when you fucking tease me for months. Fucking chewing on the end of your pen all the damn time, always touching your damn thighs, your damn skirt, those panties,” Tony shakes his head as he looks Peter over. “Wanted to bend you over my desk so many god damn times.”

Peter slips off the desk, making use of what little space was between them as he presses up flush against Tony’s body. “M’so not stopping you from doing that, Mr. Stark,” he says, fingers toying with his hair. “I thought you didn’t want me.”

Tony snorts, “baby, I’ve wanted you since the beginning of the year when you walked in wearing those thigh highs,” he says honestly. Tony had walked straight into a fucking door after witnessing that and he spilt hot coffee all down his shirt. Pretty good punishment for eyeing up a teenager, he’d figured.

Peter leans up and kisses him, guiding one of Tony’s hands to his ass and that’s so hot. If there’s anything Tony likes in a partner its that they know what they like and they aren’t afraid to ask for it with or without words. He squeezes Peter’s ass a little, delighting in the soft moan Peter lets out as he presses himself harder into Tony’s body. “How do I know you won’t back out on me, hmm? You’ve been so good all year. Too good,” Peter says, pouting.

“Already kissed you, baby, can’t come back from that. And god I have to have more of you.” He can’t just leave it like this, walk away from Peter like nothing ever happened when he knows it did, knows Peter wants more. Fuck, that’s way too good to pass up.

This seems to satisfy Peter enough because he grins. “I could probably get May to let me spend the whole weekend at Ned’s,” he says and damn if that’s not what Tony wants to hear.

“I’ll take you for as long as I can get you, baby. And bring those thigh highs too,” he adds.

[seb-owns-these-tatas]

Tickle My Pickle (Bi!Tj Hammond x You)

Characters: NSFW. Needy!Bi!TJ Hammond x You

Summary: You were in the midst of reviewing for your exams and Tj barged into your home with a need to tickle his pickle. But, then you asked where his pickle was and everything turned upside down. Including you. ;)

Warning: A LOT of sexual references. Tj being one needy hottie. Tj being pranked by his friends with some certain type of drug. Wink wink nudge nudge. No smut yet, but words are straight to the point in this one. 

Words: 1,371 words. Short. I know. Heehee. I plan to cockblock y’all.

A/N: IF YOU’RE NOT 18+ PLEASE LOOK AWAY SMOL TATER TOT.  

Oneshot Taglist: @anxiousamandapanda @hopefulfangirlblr​

Disclaimer: GIF'S and PNG'S aren't mine, however the whole one shot and edits are rightfully mine to begin with.

PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME. ALSO, DON’T FORGET TO COMMENT AND REBLOG, TATER TOT!

"God, I need to tickle my pickle,"

 Tj Hammond blurted out loud as he deeply let out a sigh. Exclaiming his exasperation at everything happening around the world.

The handsome baby boy was slouched opposite of you. Top part of his body was unclad; wearing nothing but a pair of black, tight, ripped jeans. He sat with his back lazily behind the couch and at the same time, Thomas was fiddling with the pendant dangling around his neck. The silver, stainless object being one lucky charm at having the moment of its life by getting the opportunity to lay on Tj's lean, protuberant chest that you've loved to caress.

You've audibly huffed. Eyes solely on the annoying pendant that Tj has been fiddling since the moment he got there. Thus, you got no other choice but to sit in front of the cute, white, table with legs crossed while you tried to get a full on review for your test tomorrow.

You've lifted your head prior to nose diving on your notebook. A questionable gaze falling back towards your huffing baby boy who had his Crimson lips in a cute pout. There was a small smile urging your face to contort, "Your what? Tickle your what now?"

The latter huffed another audible sigh, grumbles left his lips as he shook his right leg up and down in an anxious manner or rather in a sense that he was having filthy thoughts inside his head that looked like he was riling himself up. You knew him and his ways, even knew his minimal gestures and your boyfriend seemed to be in a thirsty state that only you could satiate.

"My pickle," Tj grumbled with a tight crease of his perfectly shaped brows, voice turning gravel-like and a lot more frustrated as his leg swung faster like he was nervous or something.

"Where's your pickle? What pickle?"

Thomas didn't know what to do at that response and it just urged him to chuckle so lowly that your response made him thwart even more. He tightly bit his lip and unconsciously spread his legs apart. Manspreading at it's finest and it made you snap your eyes towards the center of him where a bulge began to tent since the moment he arrived. Nape languidly falling on the back of the couch as he momentarily closed his beautiful baby blues with a leg still swinging up and down like he was trying hard not to take off his clothes for you.

You've inspected his actions, the way he was swinging his leg up to the part where he had a prominent bulge wanting to come out of his pants. Did he seriously just took something to make himself suffer?

Your stressed out baby boy sighed a deep one, unconsciously smoothing his hand down his clothed thighs with his damp hands, his thumbs giving a swipe on the apex of his thighs before closing and manspreading his legs apart. "--And the most dumbest woman goes to...drumrolls please," Tj uttered out loud with emphasis, hands clapping together like an idiot which made you give him the stink eye, "Y/N Y/L/N!"

Now that the notebook was forgotten. A point was ticked for a man who had a mission and you noticed him grin with his eyes closed. You turned your book shut and frustratingly inquired, "What? I don't even--whatever, Hammond,"

With your hands behind your back, you've scanned your troubled baby boy. He was now sitting up right, head lifted off the couch and his set of pretty baby blues focusing on you. He licked his lips and eyed your over sized shirt. Taut nipples could be seen and he knew you were beginning to be distracted; to be turned on.

You boyfriend managed to drop a hand in the middle of his clothed thighs, thumbs softly caressing the fly that was bound to be opened. He subtly groaned to himself and just wanted to have his release since the moment he'd been on Tone's party, the latter couldn't stay put. Especially when he had received a drink from the birthday boy himself. He didn't forget to leave a loud cuss back in Tone's home because a little while later after he'd taken his drink, Tj began to sweat and feel so hot. The type of hot that he needed to quench and he didn't need those male model or women who was invited to relieve the itch he'd been feeling. That was Tone's mission, but his was different. His friend probably didn't even know that his relationship with you was actually serious. In Tone's perspective, how will it even be serious when he's a thirty year old man and you're a college student who managed to run into him in the supermarket where he had first seen Sean.

Tone has been telling him not to be serious in this relationship he had with you because what if history repeats itself and Tj unfortunately had his heart up his sleeves again?

It's like the memories brought back memories because what happened back when he saw Sean, eventually happened when he ran into you. He was scared at first because his first thoughts was that maybe it'll be a repeat of the disaster he'd had, but once he began to feel the happiness you always bring, those negative thoughts slowly went away. Slowly but surely.

"Did you just take some Viagra or something because you look bothered?"

The tone in your voice was a complete cringe. You were straight out staring at his straining bulge that seemed to stress out of its confinement, eyes squinted at the tent raging inside his pants. You reluctantly stood on your feet, planning to see if the bulge was even real. But, the truth is you just wanted to touch him.

It's been days since he hadn't visited you. Especially that you were having your exam week and you've restricted him to visit you in the midst of your review because god knows how he was a complete, utter distraction for you.

Says the feet that unconsciously went to where he sat.

Your question has been ignored by the latter, Tj didn't know how to tell you that he was pranked by one of his closest friends. Offering him a drink but actually had Viagra inside of the liquor. He couldn't help but groan at how stupid he was for not noticing his friend's grins when they offered it to him. Now, he was left all hot and bothered. Too hot and too bothered. "You are seriously the most ignorant little thing," he gravelly spoke as a matter of fact. Teeth subtly biting his lower lip as his mind simply went downwards. He could just imagine you licking his balls for all he care.

Damn, yes. He wanted you to lick his balls with all your might.

He groaned out loud and whined like a baby who haven't been giving the candy he'd been asking, "Are you even my girlfriend? Think I need to find a boyfriend too so he could tickle my pickle? Get it?" a chuckle left his lips and it grew an invisible blush on your face once you've realized what

"Oh," you wanted to smack yourself on the head for being stupid, "Oooooh, you meant--"

Your Tj nodded a huge one. Humming as he does so and his pretty baby blues met yours in a longing and devouring state, his face contorting into a grin as he languidly got his back off the couch, leaning closer and grabbing a hold of your hand. Beautiful pair of eyes gazing back up, completely naive from the salacious proposal of giving himself to you. His thumbs slowly caressed your burning knuckles, both of your bodies hot for the itch that was bound to be scratched. He languidly maneuvered your knuckles to where his lips rested, tenderly giving it a kiss. The provocativeness of drawing his kisses till the tops of your wrist created a ball of knotted butterflies in the pits of your stomach as you noticed Tj's pupils dilate in a manner that could get you kneeling before him in a hot second.

"Yeah, I meant I wanted to master bate, get my cock sucked or maybe if I’m lucky enough, you’ll let my pickle inside that exceptionally tight jar of yours, Love."

RAW AND UNEDITED. NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY TJ. TSK. 

DO Y’ALL HAVE BLUEBALLS NOW--LOL. HAHHAHAHHA. IF YOU WANNA BE UPDATED WITH MY POSTS, GO FOLLOW ME AND TURN ON THE NOTIFICATION BUTTON OR SEND ME AN ASK/DM ME IF YOU WANNA BE TAGGED WITH EVERY ONESHOT I POST! NOW, WHO WANTS TO TICKLE TJ’S PICKLE? HEEHEE! GO COMMENT, REBLOG AND GIVE THIS ONESHOT A HEART!

[juvian]

A turn of events - Chapter 6

Header cr.

Summary : Korimi Lockser always been one of the best students, but one day when her crush decide to come visit his friends more often, including her sister. She decide do to the dumbest thing she’s done in her life… fake being stupid to get is attention.

Disclaimer : Fairy tail belong to Hiro Mashima !

Characters : Korimi Lockser (Oc), Rogue Cheney, Sting Eucliffe, Juvia Lockser, Lyon Vastia.

Shipping(s) : Oc X Lyon Vastia.

Genre : High school au, modern au, romance and humour.

Words : 1779

Chapters : Masterlist // Chapter 5 // Chapter 7

Chapter 6

I think studying with the boys together is the worst thing.

Me, having to explain everything to Sting,  because he is stupid. While he’s whining about the fact that Rogue didn’t want us to stop and take a break until he understand the fucking thing.

Yeah studying with them is great…

“I need a break please. “Sting whined, again. “Not only because I still don’t understand, but I really have to pee guys.

“Arg... Go! But after that you are not sleeping until you understand the damn thing!” 

Sting thanked me and ran to the bathroom, leaving me alone with his brother. I started to read the next math problem we are trying to learn, when I felt my phone vibrate. I took it and saw that an unknown number had sent me a text.

“« It’s Lyon, your sister gave me your number, I was at your home today, but you weren’t there. She said you must be with friends, we should text each other so we know when the other is gonna be busy hahaha :). »”

Oh. My. God… He was really home! And I missed him. I wanted to cry… I could have been studying with him and not with the idiot and Rogue! Sorry Rogue… Oh I should answer!

“« I am so sorry Lyon, I didn’t think you would come again, I feel bad :/ I am actually studying with friends… Tell me when you want to come again, I’ll be there!”

“« it’s okay, don’t feel bad you didn’t know :) I’ll come tomorrow»”

I probably look stupid right now, with this big stupid ass smile plastered on my face right. At least only Rogue is here with me.

“It’s Lyon?” He said, coldly, which surprised me. 

“Umm… Yeah, Ju gave him my number, he came home and I wasn’t there so he said to text him if I am going somewhere so he doesn't come over for nothing.”

“So he is saying that you’re wasting his time.”

“He didn’t say that, he is really kind for giving me his time! But if I am not there it’s useless he can do something else instead, he is super busy with university too.”

“Ummm… So… Are you going to ask him to come with you to prom?”

“Ummm… I don’t think so, why would he come with me to prom?” I said, my cheeks turning red.

I mean why would he come with a kid like me to prom and how could I ask him. I would probably froze and say some stupid shit.

“Ok.”

“Why are you asking?”

“I always thought we would go together, like everybody.”

Ah shit… Do I really have to deal with this… I don’t want to make him sad.

“Well, if you want us to go together, I don’t care, it’s just prom, I’ll have  other occasions to be with him, you are more important to be honest and it’s your prom too.”

“You should try, I don’t wanna get between you and the love of your life.”

I didn’t know what to answer so I just shut my mouth. It was silent for some minutes until Sting opened the door and joined us on the floor where we were seated.

“Did you miss me?”

“No.”  Rogue said, not looking up from his notebook.

God I love him.

“Actually, I couldn’t wait for you to come back.”

Sting looked at me with the most confused face ever and Rogue was probably wondering why the fuck I was saying that.

“Ah yeah?” I could see the scared look on his face.

“Yeah, Lyon texted me, he was home today. SO I have to kill you because it was your idea that I come here.”

“What wait!”

Before he said something else I jumped on him and started to hit him while Rogue watched us desperately.

***

“Juvia, I’m back from school!” I yelled, as I put my bad on the floor.

“Kori-Chan!”  My sister yelled, as I saw her get up from the couch and she came to hug me. “How was school?”

“It was great, I had my grade for my history exam and I had 96%”

“That’s amazing Kori-Chan! You are so intelligent Juvia is so proud of you.”

“Thanks Ju.” I said, laughing.

“That’s why you should explain to me why you need Lyon’s help in math?”  She asked, with a knowing look.

“Please don’t judge me! You are not one to Judge Juvia Lockser.”

“Juvia is not judging you! She would never dare to do it! Juvia is just wondering why you’re using the bad grade card and not your natural charm.”

“I don’t know, it’s the first thing that came to my mind, I am so much younger than him so I don't know how to act around him and make him see that I am not just your little sister.”

“Juvia is not the best example for having a guy's attention, but she thinks Kori-Chan should only be herself, he’s not that much older and you’re mature for your age.”

“If you said so…” I said, not convinced, what I was doing now was far from mature. “He said he’ll come, he is not here?”

I put my bag in the hallway and checked my phone to see if he sent a  text, but no, it means he’ll come no? I must be late, that's it. I was going to sit on the couch when someone rang the bell. It must be him!!! 

“Lyon! How are you?”

“Good and you? Sorry I am a little late, I had to do something.”

“I am doing great thank you and it’s okay Kori-Chan arrived only 5 minutes ago.

My sister let him enter and I ran to the door before he could see me and greet him. Subtle much Korimi.

“Hi Lyon!”

“Hi Kori, are you ready for today?”

“Always! I mean… I am a studious girl already so if I can finally understand the only thing that messes with my grade then I am ready for it!”

“I understood you don’t have to explain yourself.” He laughed and my heart melted.

“You should work in the kitchen.” My sister said. “You must not have enough places on the living room table.”

“You are right it was a little bit cramped.” He laughed, again.

Stop laughing, don’t do this please my heart, it won��t take it. 

***

“So your exams are next week right?” Lyon asked, while we were taking our first little break of the day.

“Yes and after  I am finally done with high school!”

“You can wait?” He asked and I nod. “You don’t like school?”

“Ah no, I like school, I like learning things, school as students and teachers though… sometimes it gets really annoying.”

“I see.” He laughed. “I was like that too, I mean I was one of the best students and pretty much everyone was jealous of me, my face didn’t help this. So I didn’t really care about the other students and the teachers, except my friends.

Okay he is beautiful and really intelligent and I love him, but modesty is not his thing at all.

“Do you think a week is enough for you to understand everything?” He continued.

“Umm, yeah.” I said. “I mean, I actually don’t have a bad grade? I understand so much more, you help a lot thank you, but I still need you a lot too.” I laughed, trying to sound as believable as possible. 

“I”ll help you as long as you want me to.” He smiled and I almost cried, he is beautiful when he smile god. “And if I am not here you probably have someone to help you a little.”

“Yes, but no one is as good as you.” I said, winking.

“I like you.” He said, laughing and I died. “We should continue now.”

We continued to look at the textbook he brought from his home and work on some examples. I was starting to put more details and the right explanations to show some amelioration in my math, but still wrote some mistakes in them. Sometimes when it was an easier question I gave the right answer and if you saw the smile and the proud look on his face, I was melting. But that smile also made me a little guilty, I was lying to him to have his attention. It was not right, I was starting to think he may hate me if I tell him later.

“What’s with the sad face Kori? Is something wrong?” He asked worryingly and the guilt grew even more.

“No it’s okay, just thinking about the end of my high school year, it still makes me sad and a little nervous, the exam, prom and some of my friends going their own ways, which means I’m probably going to see them less and less.

“It’s okay, you’ll always find a way to see them. I see my best friend once a year, but we are still really good friends like the first time we saw her.” He said, passing an arm on my shoulder and hugging me lightly, it was really hard not to pass out on the spot. “Sherry even got married! It’s life we can’t do anything about it but we can make it work, promise you.” 

“Yeah, I know.” I said, smiling.

“So prom? When is it? You have a date?” He asked, taking off his arm from my shoulder. No come back ! 

“Umm… last day of school, well we don’t have exams on this day, but yeah. No I don’t… Well yes I have a date, Rogue and I always do everything together and everyone’s sure we will go together so nobody will dare to ask me.” I said, laughing awkwardly.

“He didn’t ask you? He should ask you anyway, doing it the proper way.” He smiled. “If he doesn't I’ll do it, he said, probably joking but OH MY GOD MY HEART!

“What?” I asked, surprised, trying to not show my heart was read to get out of my chest at any second.

“I am joking, I am not going to a high school prom, It'll be weird don’t you think?” He said, laughing.

“Hahaha yeah.” I said, trying to laugh but it ended up sounding fake. I hope he didn’t notice.

I can forget asking him and anyway I can’t do this to Rogue. He wants us to go together, so we'll go together! I don’t care about Lyon and I can’t let down my best friend like this!

“Well we should finish this chapter before dinner.” He smiled and I agreed. 

Korimi now concentrate!

[whitehotharlots]

Liberal cruelty has consquences

This semester is winding down. As I am desperate to avoid grading student papers, I’ve spent the morning reading longish-form online articles. I just came across one that I feel very conflicted about. The online reaction to it as been troubling. So I don’t know if I have anything particularly coherent to say, but I’d like to talk about it.

The anonymously written piece is titled “What Happened After My 13-Year-Old Son Joined the Alt Right.”  It documents a young man’s journey from a garden variety, liberal-leaning goon to a frothing neo nazi mutant.

The piece is understandably sympathetic, seeing as it was written by the boy’s parent. The writer’s whiny and heavy handed tone caused me, and most of my e-pals, to dismiss it. If anything, the essay showcases an immense failure of parenting. If my child were to ask me to take him or her to a “Traditional American Culture” rally, I would slap the everloving shit of them. Lord knows how many times the kid’s parents had dropped the ball before it ever got to that point.

But then I re-read the start of the article, in which the parent identifies the trigger point for their son’s downward slide:

One morning during first period, a male friend of Sam’s mentioned a meme whose suggestive name was an inside joke between the two of them. Sam laughed. A girl at the table overheard their private conversation, misconstrued it as a sexual reference, and reported it as sexual harassment. Sam’s guidance counselor pulled him out of his next class and accused him of “breaking the law.” Before long, he was in the office of a male administrator who informed him that the exchange was “illegal,” hinted that the police were coming, and delivered him into the custody of the school’s resource officer. At the administrator’s instruction, that man ushered Sam into an empty room, handed him a blank sheet of paper, and instructed him to write a “statement of guilt.”

No one called me as this unfolded, even though Sam cried for about six hours straight as staff members parked him in vacant offices to keep him away from other students. When he stepped off the bus that afternoon and I asked why his eyes were so swollen, he informed me that he would probably be suspended, but possibly also expelled and arrested.

If Kafka were a middle-schooler today, this is the nightmare novel he would have written.

At a meeting two days later with my husband, Sam, and me, the administrator piled more accusations on top of the harassment charge—even implying, with undisguised hostility, that Sam and his friend were gay. He waved in front of us a statement from the girl at the table and insisted that Sam would need to defend himself against her claims if he wanted to prove his innocence. But the administrator refused to reveal the particulars of the complaint (he had also blacked out identifying details, FBI-style) and then hid the paperwork under a book. He declared that it was his primary duty, as a school official and as a father of daughters, to believe and to protect the girls under his care.

Eck… who edited this? It would have worked so much better without a fucking Kafka reference.

So, maybe it was the tone. I dunno. But most readers seem to regard this section as exaggerated, possibly fabricated.  The takeaway was “boo hoo, the nazi kid got punished for sexually harassing  a girl.” Heck: If a reader is truly dedicated to the #BelieveAllWomen mantra, then this description doesn’t warrant sympathy even if it’s entirely true. The kid said something that upset the girl. It wasn’t directed to her and it wasn’t about her. But still, he upset her, and she’s a girl, so he is bad and deserved whatever punishment was doled out to him.

And this got me thinking about my experiences in high school, as a student in the late 90s and a teacher in the mid-aughts. Administrators seemed to always be adopting some or other policy of harsh punishment for bad behavior: zero tolerance toward weapons, drugs, hats, disrespectful posture, electronic devices, swearing, Simpsons t-shirts, and mentally unhygenic reading materials. During dances and social gatherings, my middle school allowed students to bring in CDs from home. That was a decent policy, but anyone who attempted to play a “hip hop” track would receive an immediate suspension for “endorsing violence,” regardless of the track’s lyrical content. My high school adopted a firm anti-bullying policy, but once a boy came to school wearing a gothic dress as some kind of vague transgressive statement, and two separate male teachers called him a fag--out in the open, in front of everybody, as part of the official business of teaching.

Once, in 8th grade, two kids were caught taking over-the-counter caffeine pills. They didn’t get sick or anything; a girl saw them and she narced. They were arrested by the school resource officer, taken in a cop car to the hospital to have their stomachs pumped, and then summarily expelled, their young lives effectively ruined over 50 milligrams of a safe and legal stimulant. At an emergency assembly held the next day, the frog-faced principal croaked out a dire warning that the use of such drugs was strictly forbidden and we would all be subjected to the same fate, should we attempt to sneak in any No Doz. As he issued his stern warning, he slurped gluttonously from a 22-ounce mug of gas station coffee.

The point is, zero tolerance never really means zero tolerance. Rules are always--always, literally always, without exception in the whole of human history--enforced arbitrarily. Harsh policies rarely make anyone safer. They are employed instead to further humiliate and brutalize those who have already been rejected by the system. In my last two paragraphs, I cited the dumbest and most conspicuous examples of arbitrary cruelty that happened to pop into my head. This doesn’t cover the everyday, petty cruelties that teachers and administrators would exact upon kids they simply didn’t like. Without exception, these were the kids who were already marginalized: effeminate boys, masculine but unathletic girls, kids who dressed poorly, kids who spoke with accents, black kids, kids with learning disabilities or behavioral problems. These kids would be given detentions or even suspensions for minor infractions--looking away from the chalkboard, slouching, sneaking in candy, laughing at importune times, etc. It wasn’t the teacher’s fault, of course: zero tolerance and all that. But, strangely, the zero tolerance policies never seemed to apply to the popular, athletic, and/or well-connected kids. If Suzie Creamcheese was caught sneaking some Starburst during Algebra--well, she’s probably hungry, seeing as she works so hard. If Raul, Roofus, or Sheena were caught doing the same? God help them.

Some teachers were nicer than others, of course. Some were downright supportive. Others were simply evil. There was one, when I was in 7th grade, who was particularly repulsive and cruel--no kidding, his admiration of Rush Limbaugh was formative in my early-adopted hatred of American conservatives. He had matted red hair and teeth like a cracked picket fence and would wear a leather jacket out to lunch. Anyhow, he would prattle on about his hatred of kids who “Just. Refuse. To. Learn.” These kids were almost always black. Pure coincidence, I’m sure. He’d make a show of tossing them out of class--sometimes physically--for infractions as minor as getting an answer wrong when called upon. One time, a twitchy white kid who wore the same t-shirt every day called him out: It’s unfair, he said, that I’m getting thrown out of class for getting an answer wrong, when right before me another kid got several chances to respond.

The teacher turned beet red. He got on his knees and put his face two inches in front of the twitchy kid’s eyes. 

“I’m not throwing you out because you got the answer wrong,” he explained. “I’m throwing you out because you are you.”

Again, these are the conspicuous examples. The everyday stuff is harder to describe twenty-five years after it happened.  Most people were not brutalized and they didn’t have a single moment that ruined their life, but they were still exposed to a deeply unfair and cruel system, and such exposure naturally engenders feelings of betrayal, hopelessness, and anger.

Here’s my story--it’s particularly stupid. 9th grade. One day,  I walked into Spanish class, and the large woman who teaches in that classroom before my section grabbed me by the collar, physically lifted me out of my chair, and shoved her moist biscuit of a hand into my face. “What is this,” she demanded.

This was all very sudden. I could see nothing but her hand, which had a distinct fecal aroma.

“I don’t know,” I said.

She removed her hand. I looked down toward desk. She stood silently. I had no fucking idea what she was talking about.

“You’re gonna tell me what you did, right now, or I’m gonna double the detentions.”

I was still silent. Seriously, no idea what was going on. This enraged her. She began to count upward, starting at 3 detentions and stopping at 10, by which point tears were welling up and my face was flushed. I said I seriously did not know. She pointed to a small pentagram someone had engraved into the desktop. The desks, by the way, were movable. Anyone could have done it. She blamed me because she didn’t like me. I served 10 detentions and had to pay over a hundred dollars (a shitload of money for a 13-year-old) to get the desk refinished.

This isn't the end of the world, obviously. But it really, oddly broke me. Before, I had thought that so long as I did was I supposed to and didn’t break any rules, I’d be okay. Now I realized that was bullshit, that any vindictive cunt with a few ounces of power could punish me for any reason, at any time, and I wouldn’t be allowed to mount a defense. That’s the sort of thing that fucks with a kid’s head.  I mean, christ--it’s 23 years later and I’m still kinda pissed about it. I hope that woman is dead.

I regained a sense of control by stealing books from the woman’s classroom. A few times a week, I would grab a textbook when I came in, use it during class, and walk out with it. At the end of the school year, some friends and I burned them in a glorious bonfire along the banks of the Mississippi.

My response was petty and destructive, but I don’t feel any pengs of guilt or shame in remembering it. I had to do something to reassert agency, to feel like I had some control, and I managed to find a way to go about doing it that didn’t hurt anybody or get me into trouble. Regardless of the morality of my particular response, we can agree that kids are now much more surveilled than they were 20-odd years ago, and that minor mischief is now much more harshly criminalized. If a kid finds themself on the outs within their school, there’s really no way they can push back. Their only available avenue of asserting control over their lives is to wander into welcoming communities elsewhere…

One more anecdote then I’m done….

My sister was in high school during 9/11. The attacks were on a Tuesday, and the whole rest of the week was assemblies and talking circles and other such activities meant to assuage fear and gin up the hatred of the dirty brown bastards that done this. Two of my sister’s friends, older boys, were the sort of kids who read Howard Zinn and listened to Jello Biafra’s spoken word records. During one meeting, they expressed exasperation at a girl who was sobbing because she just, like, didn’t know why anyone would do that. The boys certainly didn’t approve of the attacks, but they tried to explain the whole concept of the US being an unhinged and murderous imperial power that had done much worse stuff all over the globe. The audience gasped. The boys were hauled into the principal’s office. They were charged with verbally assaulting the crying girl. One was suspended. The other expelled.

So, I dunno… go ahead. If you think due process is evil, that all victimhood claims are valid and should be taken at face value, and that kids of lesser social status should be demonized and made into criminals for upsetting members of the fair sex, then you do you. That’s fine if that’s what you believe. But please don’t be so naive as to think that the bulk of these newly criminalized behaviors are going to actually be malignant, or that the genuinely malignant behaviors of secure kids will be curbed in any way. Please respect yourself enough to realize that school admins aren’t magic sages with mature moral compasses--a plurality of them were business majors in college, for fuck’s sake. And most importantly, don’t be surprised if the kids you dismiss wind up doing some crazy or awful shit in response.

[darringauthier]

Final Destination (2000)

Hindsight Review

Genre: Horror

Who's In It: Devon Sawa, Ali Larter, Kerr Smith, Seann William Scott, Tony Todd, Brendan Fehr

Who Directed It: James Wong

Plot: Alex Browning is among a group of high school students readying themselves for a trip to Europe. When he suddenly has a premonition their airplane will crash, he screams to warn the others but instead he is thrown off of the plane.

Run Time: 98 Minutes

IMDB Score: 6.7

Metascore: 36

Rotten Tomatoes Score: Critics 35% Audience 68%

Why I Watched It: It was a horror film and the plot sounded cool and oddly a bit different.

How I Watched It: When it first came out at the theatre. Recently on Starzz.

Random Thoughts: The thing with Final Destination, and all five films is the idea that death is a slasher in a horror film just works. Hard to believe it's been over 21 years since the first one came out but the idea still holds up.

I will say the numbers surprised me cause this film is still spoken well of and the franchise did spawn five films starting with this one.

What I Liked: I liked it when it first came out and after a rewatch I still like it but it's not a great film, I know odd. Let's deal with the pluses, like I said this is a great premise and they milk it well and what I really like about this is they set up the rules really well and they follow them in all the films. It's also a fun thing to debate can you fight death, or fate, is what's meant to be the end of it. They play with it and they use the old cliche in trying to cheat death to it's full effect. The rules and set up is one of my all time favorite horror speeches, Tony Todd shows up and is amazing in one scene and lays everything out and proceeds to scare the shit out of you just by talking.

The kills are good, not great but what they do here is the kills come out of nowhere at times and that's never not fun and also to sit there and now it's coming but you're not sure how is part of the fun.

The cast is fine, I've always liked Devon Sawa and he's good here, a bit bland but he knows what he has to do. This is the first time I had seen Ali Larter she was fine here but is really good in the second one. Sadly Tony Todd is only in one scene but like I said it's memorable.

What I liked the most about the film is that the "killer" is not seen it's not in human form so to beat it you have to out smart it, basically beat it by using it's rules and that's a nice hook.

What I Didn't Like: Pure and simple it's a pretty good movie with a good premise but it's not great and it's not the best film in the franchise. The film has a lot of flaws and I will say they didn't repeat them in the later films. First off most of the characters are not likable or well written and in that part it holds form with a slasher film most of these people are here to die. The biggest flaw for me is the police, FBI subplot. They think Sawa is killing survivors and it's very badly written and Sawa's character does some of the dumbest things in movie history, this stuff was cliched and eye rolling thirty years ago.

You could tell they hadn't really thought out the formula yet and you could tell there's some pacing problems and repetition plot wise. So yes the film is flawed and stilted at times but by God it works and it does come out the other side with a strong horror Franchise.

Final Thoughts: All in all it's a solid horror film and the idea is great, and this is a great set up for the second film which is awesome.

Rating: 7/10

[huangsren]

hs!renjun au ; aliens are real!

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 ; you take interest in the class’ resident art history, seemingly cold, prince boy huang renjun after you find him rushing to the rooftop with a telescope. 

huang renjun x reader

so everyone knows Huang Renjun as the resident “yeah i love art history so i’m better than you but i won’t say that out loud bc i’m at least that decent” kid in school

none the less, he’s pretty popular ? whether that be due to the fact he’s nothing short of talented, or maybe bc he’s one of the prettiest boys in school, or bc even his signature “i don’t care” style is alluring

some girls even have this group,, rather club is the better word to describe it,, for renjun and know that more than anything, you’ll find him either : on the rooftop of the tallest building in school-  or with lee jeno on the basketball court

of course renjun isn’t actually playing tho, he’s just fooling around to piss off his basketball captain best friend

but anyways there was this one night where you had to stay back at school ‘til late with your study group

because honestly,, you guys don’t do much studying in the library

and that’d landed you a detention and having to clean the art teacher’s 20982475 easels for some reason

and afterwards, right after you come out of the classroom’s door, The Huang Renjun bumps into you

and he drops the ???? what is this a telescope stand ??/?/?? on your shin, gets up and mumbles an insincere sorry before blasting to the stairs that lead to the rooftop

even though you’re clenching your shin like it’s the worst pain you’ve felt in all your years of living- you find that he must’ve dropped a part of the stand before he zoomed away

so being the goOd person you are, you cautiously walk up the stairs (bc of that stinging pain in your shin) and out onto the rooftop with the piece of stand in your hand

your eyes spot a frustrated renjun trying to set up his telescope in the cold saying “where’d it go, where’d it go?!”

and its not until you get a little closer that you see he’s even searching under the blanket and pillows he has set up, even into the bag of snacks he has prepared to his side

when he turns around he’s met with a limping you and the piece he’s missing in your hands,, which is why he hurls himself at the speed of lightening towards you and lunges for the lost piece

but you swipe your hand away before he can get to it and he looks at you with a “excuse me? are you actually doing this right now?”

and you see the “listen we both don’t care for each other so skip the small talk and let me do what i need to do” on his face but it doesn’t stop you from asking him what he’s doing

“are you that air-headed? i’m obviously setting up a telescope” he replies, super arrogantly

“okay yeah no shit sherlock, but why” you snarked back, simply over renjun’s bad attitude since he literally dropped his stuff on you so,, it was his fault really

“listen, i’m absolutely POSITIVE there’s not a person here who doesn’t know i like to come up and look at the stars”

and then you’re taken aback bc,, you actually didn’t know the reason he ever came up to the roof all the time- but honestly, you weren’t ever curious,, until now

“that’s kind of cute” you laugh, swinging the piece in your hand so you know you have his attention

“cute? it’s everything but cute, actually. you won’t be saying that it’s ‘cute’ when i become famous for painting and capturing the first real ufo and the aliens with it”........................... is this kid serious

you really can’t find even a hint of humor in his frame nor his eyes and that’s when you burst into laughter

“aliens?? ufos?? i- oh my god hold on- i can’t stop myself from laughing holy shit”

he just looks at you like your the dumbest person he’s ever seen and scoffs, “yeah, alright” and he takes the piece from your hand and completes his stand

even though you’re starting to come off that hysterical laugh of yours, he doesn’t give you a second thought and you just watch him watching the night sky and writing in his notebook too

“not that you know me, which i expect you don’t, but ask any one around; i’m one of the most stubborn people and i happen to be adamant about all this sci-fi stuff being strictly fictional”

he turns and furrows his eyebrows at you and to your surprise he takes your wrist in attempt to drag you to the blanket but you wince in pain from your shin still hurting

how does it STILL hurt this much?

and after a second you look up and see worry in renjun’s eyes as he finally realizes that that bump may have hurt you a whole lot more than it hurt him

“maybe i’m kind of sorry about that”

“yeah? maybe you should look where you’re going” then he lets go of your wrist to fetch something

and he comes back to wrap your now swollen wow-how-did-you-not-see-that-before shin saying “i don’t think i’m the only one who needs that advice” and somehow you just know that renjun isn’t as cold as some people make him out to be,, he may be even nicer than you

and that’s that,, he makes you look through the telescope a couple of times and always says the same thing along the lines of “well if we exist here like this, what says that any other foreign life isn’t out there when the sky we see right now is already this vast”

and for the first time you really really take time to think about how big just the portion of the sky you two are seeing can be that big and how the universe and it’s galaxies and maybe even several dimensions are even bigger than you can fathom

maybe it’s the way you feel small with renjun and his big beliefs and the way he wrapped you in the extra blanket he had (bc you were shivering and he said it was “getting in the way of my scientific break-throughs”) but you close your eyes and take the time to really feel everything around you

the air, the blanket, the sounds of a school at night, even the pain in your shin which you could care less about and after a while you feel like someone is watching you and there you see it

renjun looking at you instead of the stars and you go “why aren’t you looking at the stars, huh?”

and without hesitation he just goes “well right now you seem like the brightest star” and it takes all you have to not let the blush on your face become evident

so you look away and reach for a snack before you do something to him you know you’ll regret

but still, before you place the chip in your mouth, you look at renjun again for some sign of “just kidding you’re ugly” but instead,,,,, he kisses your cheek

and you freeze and accidentally crush the chip in your fingers and well now it’s the hardest it’s ever been to hide your blush, so you just get up, nod a little at renjun and mumble a “thanks, good night” and head for the door

you can feel renjun’s eyes on you as you leave and he’s just internally fighting with himself because oh GOD why did he just do that??? it doesn’t matter that he’s popular and good looking he just can’t believe he kissed his crush’s cheek like he had no control over his own body

and his crush?? oh-so-surprisingly he’s actually had a crush on you ever since some kid in his class said that there was a girl who was completely and utterly against aliens and all that being real 

so after he’d learned who your were and stole glances at you from time to time, he concluded that maybe you were the cutest, stubborn person he’d ever found- 

and as events go, he devised a plan to set up some type of picnic on the rooftop and prove to you that ufo’s aren’t as out of this world as they seemed to you

of course he didn’t expect to hurt your shin in the process but he just had to keep that nonchalant image of his up even if it was eating him inside 

and through the night, he just couldn’t keep himself from calling you a star and giving you a little peck on the cheek, because the way you were then was just too precious in his eyes

so screw that whole plan he had of you becoming interested in him since you probably think he’s some weird touch-starved pervert of an art history student

but you actually lay in your bed thinking about that whole exchange and smile a little to yourself before falling asleep to the thoughts of what would happen to you two the next day

[bts-story]

"it's just one of my phases, it'll go away don't worry" with whoever ♡

“It’s just a crush, okay?” you whisper way too loudly not to disturb any other student trying to work in that damn old library. With a delicate move, you tried to brush away that strand of hair which always fell in front of your eyes to blind your vision to anything and it was currently blinding the sight of him. “It’s just one of my phases, it’ll go away eventually, don’t worry about it.”

The girl in front of you, the one which entitled perfectly her role of your best-friend for life, squinted her eyes, tilted her head to the side as arms came to cross over her chest. “You don’t have phases; your heart is just too fragile.”

You shook your head, denying all you could even though, in the very back of your mind, you knew she was more or less right. There was this time when you couldn’t stop thinking about that boy in art class which decided to hold the door for you just one time, or to that super cute other one you crossed path with every Thursday at exactly four in the afternoon when you tried to go to literature on time.

“Yeah, same difference,” you whispered lower than before, aware of the pleading hushes the other students were throwing your way. This should have been the end of the discussion, especially considering your eyes drifting back down on that history book sprawled on the table which had the audacity to bring you an immense pain in the ass for all the trouble Henri the third was giving thousands of centuries ago.

However, the girl in front didn’t say her last words, a smirk on her lips you found the urge to snap off her face (when she made that face, she usually was about to throw a snarky comment you found nothing to reply to). “Why don’t you go talk to him, for once?”

First of all, rude. Because for once was uncalled for and you knew definitely the meaning behind those words. There were once too many times, way too many times, when you heart stood stolen by anyone being just nice to you, by anyone smiling in your direction and each and every single time, there wasn’t any ounce of courage within your body to go talk to any of those thieves.

Second, there was no way in heaven or hell you’d go talk to anybody. Not only because the worst thing about asking someone out is to get rejected, but the confidence needed to do so is anything but something you have. So, no, no way.

“Not only would he say no, he has a girlfriend,” you whispered incredulous, as if she was asking the dumbest question in the entire world.

“Lucky day for a lucky girl, Park Jimin is officially single.” She said triumphally too loudly still, and if they keep disturbing anyone else, they might get kicked out the library very soon. But the only thing you cared about now, was the new information filling in the air. Suddenly, it kind of made sense why the other student seemed moody and sad these last few days (and you only noticed because you both shared the same history class and he was only sitting right in front of you, so it was hard to miss).

“What do you mean he’s single?”

A chuckle escaped her lips, and it was too loud for anyone not to notice and really, if they keep getting noticed like this, that one Park Jimin sitting on the other side of the library might hear you, too. That clearly wasn’t an option to get noticed because of that shameless loud laugh. “Well,” she took back in, “they split up. Heard he dumped her, don’t know why though.”

This information shouldn’t rejoice you as much as it really was because, thinking Jimin might be going through heartbreak wasn’t necessarily making you happy in any way. One could think he made that decision however, no one was inside his head to know the real reason of this break-up. But the curiosity was too much, too much for you and your heart, so maybe all those efforts you made since the beginning of this study to try and avoid taking a look behind your shoulder to steal a peek at that dark-haired demi-god were just vain.

You bite your lips because, suddenly, you could feel your cheeks burning. Your back was flaming hot just as well and it surely was because of the sun peeking through the window. There was that strand of hair which kept falling in your eyes and suddenly, before you even get to stop your own actions, you turned your head to the side.

However, nothing could have prepared you. No one could have been able to warn you about the two dark orbs meeting with your own eyes. They were darker than a night without stars, shooting lightening from across the room but there was no mistake, he was looking right into your soul. It felt like the first anyone was seeing you, really seeing you. Not looking or acknowledging or noticing but seeing you.

Suddenly, the world seemed to stop. You couldn’t hear the words your best friend was whispering, couldn’t be bothered with the wind flipping the pages of your book away. Because, Jimin, Park Jimin was right there, so handsome and so calm, seeing you.

Maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t all a dream. Maybe it wasn’t just a phase.

Maybe, just maybe, Park Jimin will break down barriers and maybe, you’ll finally gather up the courage to go talk to him.

Part. 2

- Nageoire 

[borrovved]

Off Season

kinda like that one taylor swift song but not really, promise. instead, it involves basketball

jaehyun x reader

have I mentioned I'm a band nerd ;)

word count: 2,405

One of the redeeming qualities about your school was most definitely not the class average attendance or the sports teams lack of winning streaks, but hey, give all the money and glory and attention to them and leave the fine arts kids out of it. Are you pissed? Oh, most certainly.

There's little to no funds for the art class, drama class, choir class, and most certainly not the band. At least it's not like one of those cliche movies where you guys are bullied. It's better, no one pays attention to you. It's honest to God good that no one pays attention to students like you, because the popular kids are always caught up in their own petty shit. The dumbest of all shits. Who sent nudes to who, who started liking pictures of who, who's eating lunch with who, who shaded who on who's Snapchat story. Like, who gives a damn?

You can at least appreciate the pom and cheer squad because it's not like you can dance or do flips like they do, and at least they can win something. The football team on the other hand, is a complete joke. There has not been one single game last year where they've won. Not. A. Single. One. Even after they lose you have to play the fight song. The best part is that you get to play the song really slowly when they get obliterated. Nine points to fifty-four. It's incredibly pitiful.

Even after football season is over, you still have to play pep tunes for your mediocre team: the basketball team. At least they're not as bad as the football team and can come close to winning, and actually do it, sometimes. The girls' basketball team is playing and they're doing pretty well. Ten points ahead of the visitors. It's halftime, you don't know how the hell the game works, but you're having fun. You're singing "Hey Baby" like it's your last (because it is, senior year baby!) and you feel like you're having the time of your life, on this Friday night.

Your friends snuck in some Dr. Pepper into the stands and you have to drink some water first in order to not wreck the insides of your clarinet. You have 15 minutes to yourself, so you head to the water fountain. You make your way out of the gym, and you see Jaehyun and Chittaphon talking to each other in the hall way. You make sure to take a quick peak at Jaehyun in his basketball uniform without being obvious. If the football team's players are a snack, this guy is a whole ass meal.

He's almost six feet tall, has nice, muscular arms, and a lean body. You have history class with him and he sits right next to you, and you have Johnny sitting right in front of you. Jaehyun constantly has his body facing towards Johnny, considering he is his only friend in history. It gets kinda annoying when they don't shut up and Johnny has to ask you what the teacher was saying, but when Jaehyun asks, your heart might just burst.

He always speaks in a soft voice and taps your shoulder when he needs something. One day he needed a pencil, which is unfortunately the one day you woke up late and forgot to wear a bra and pack your regular clothes to change into after 7 AM marching rehearsals, so you sported a wrinkly, loose tank top and running shorts the whole day.

"Hey, I left my pencil bag at home while revising for the Socratic Seminar, do you have an extra pencil I can borrow?"

Your eyes widen and you always get shocked when he asks you for stuff instead of Johnny, because it's not like you guys are close or anything. It doesn't help that the teacher put the air conditioner on full blast and his warm, soft fingertips leaves your shoulder and heart ablaze.

"Y-yeah! I only use mechanical pencils so I hope you don't mind." You bend down and start digging in your backpack only to hear Johnny snicker in front of you. At first you ignore it because it's Johnny, and the little (pretty gigantic) shithead laughs at everything, like the pictures of nude statues your teacher took during her trip to Italy. It's only when Jaehyun tells him to "stop staring" when you realize what exactly he's laughing at. It's also then that you realize Jaehyun has a perfectly clear view of the predicament you're in, with the room being cold, you practically giving him a free show, and now that you look down, there's a bit of fake grass down there too. When you're in marching band and have to rehearse every morning for two hours, bits and pieces of the turf from the football field starts to collect in your clothes and then you end up having your own little football field.

Damn, do wish I could choke on those turf turds and never have to think of this day ever again. But no, it gets even better. Jaehyun is polite enough to look at the board and pretend whatever happened just now didn't, and when you finally hand him your pencil, he does something that makes your insides turn in twists and makes your cheeks and ears feel hot. He takes off the jacket he has on and drapes it over your shoulders, and gently places his thumb on your collarbone to sweep the little artificial blade of grass off.

Johnny whistles lowly and Jaehyun hits his shoulder hard enough for him to wince, and looks at you with a sincere smile, dimples and all, and says to you "You can wear the hoodie all day if you want to, I don't need it."

You can't tell if you're living in a fantasy at this moment and you just stare at him and say, "You can keep the pencil all day too." You must be seeing things because you see a faint rosy color collect on his cheeks.

After using the water fountain, you're lost in thought about what happened that day and how dreamy and cliche it all was. You're still lost in thought, and when you turn around you bump into someone, with your face burrowed into someone's (might you add) strong chest.

You look up and almost come stumbling down after being taken aback that Jaehyun is the one you bumped into, and he has a strong hold of your arms to keep you steady.

"You okay there?" You like to consider yourself level headed and not easily swooned by a cute face, but his parted hair and sparkly brown eyes is making you melt, and your band polo is just making you warmer as each second passes while his arms are still around you.

"I'm okay now." You smile hoping that he would just let go already because you are this close to sharting yourself. He puts his arms to his sides and steps aside from you to let you go around him and he gets to the water fountain. You're walking away as fast but casually as possible when you hear him talking to Chittaphon again.

"For a band nerd she's kinda cute, huh?"

"Ten, shut up."

"So you do think she's cute!"

-

The girls' portion of the game is over, with a tie in the end. The boys are up next in ten minutes.

You come back sweating just a teensy beensy bit after the awkward encounter into bumping into Jaehyun, trying to act normal as you slide into the bleachers next to your best friends Doyoung and Yeri. Yeri hands you back your clarinet paying no mind to your expression. Doyoung doesn't miss the flushed look on your face and pesters you about it.

"Did you see him or something? You look like a tomato."

"Thanks Doyoung. Yes, I did. It was awkward and I don't want to think about it." Yeri's ears perk up and faces her whole body to you.

"Well, now you have to, spill." She says. You try to keep your eyes on the leaderboard but instead have it locked on Jaehyun, seeing him stretch.

"You're drooling dear." She giggles. You hit Yeri in the arm and Doyoung laughs.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Guys, the game is about to start." Doyoung whispers. Your band directors have been keeping a close eye on the band to see if you were paying attention or not. Not because they care about the game necessarily, but because playing pep tunes in time the home team scores a point is important. "Loses the effect" if you're seconds late he says.

All these games you've been forced to go to as a band student never interested you, and you never understood what the hell was going on anyways. The only interesting thing was seeing Jaehyun score points.

"You're being so obvious." says Doyoung.

"Suck my left ass cheek." you say in response.

"You fucking wish." You hit him in the arm and Yeri just laughs. You don't know where you would be without your companions.

-

The game ends with the boys' team winning (about time.) By then it's 10 pm, you're tired, your friends are tired, and you have a clarinet lesson tomorrow in the morning. You just want to skidaddle outta there as fast as you can, but thank goodness you took your time walking and talking with Doyoung and Yeri, otherwise, Jaehyun might've missed the chance to talk to you.

You shoot daggers at Doyoung when you hear him snicker. Yeri gives you a thumbs up while they both watch you gawk at Jaehyun. That boy is truly Adonis reincarnated, hell, perhaps even better.

"I wanted to say sorry for bumping into you earlier and-" you blink back in surprise. Shouldn't this be the other way around? You were the one daydreaming and being distracted.

"I'm sorry to interrupt Jaehyun but, I feel like I'm the one that should apologize. I was the one spacing out and bumped into you.”

“To be totally real with you, I just needed an excuse to talk to you, regardless if it’s your fault or not...which I don’t think it is anyways, but I digress.” you just blink blankly at him.

“Uhm..okay. What is it you wanted to say?” you ask.

“Would you like to go on a date with me?”

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Yeri smacking her hands and jumping up and down with Doyoung trying to grab her arm to make sure the two of them are out of sight of Jaehyun so they don’t embarrass you. You’ll need to thank Doyoung later.

“I’m really flattered, but why me exactly?” Now it’s Jaehyun’s turn to stare at you blankly.

“Because you’re cute, for one, and you seem like a good time. I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while but couldn’t find the guts to actually ask.” he laughs under his breath while scratching the back of his head.

“Yes.” you say.

“Wait, what?” he says dumbfounded. It physically hurts Doyoung to overhear how slow you guys are to put two and two together and realize you like each other already.

“Yeah, I’d actually love to go on a date with you.”

Jaehyun smiles that precious dimpled smile and says “I’ll text you when I’m picking you up.”

“You know my number?”

He chuckles awkwardly. “I had to ask one of your friends for it because of how shy I was.” You whip your head around to see Yeri and Doyoung scurrying off to the band room. You really need to thank them later. Perhaps yell at them for giving out your private information like that, but definitely thank them.

“I have to get back to my friends, but I’ll reply when you message me Jaehyun.” Before he even has the chance to say anything else, you’re catching up to Yeri and Doyoung to give them a piece of your mind.

-

The next day rolls around and you're a little drained from your morning lesson. Trying to play F above the staff in tune is probably the most vigorous physical activities you've ever done. You can march all day, eyes closed while using backwards technique, but an F above the staff is something else.

The night before was also draining, considering you stayed up really late at night to wait for Jaehyun's text. You figured his friends dared to ask you out, something like that, because why would a boy that handsome and popular ask you out? Fortunate, very fortunate, that you didn't fall asleep just yet, because when 12:30 AM rolls around, that's when you hear the high pitched ping.

Jaehyun: sorry for texting late! I hope you're not asleep or anything. I just got back from having celebratory pizza with the team. :P

You: Nah, I was just scrolling through my phone haha, I sleep super late because of band and procrastination. Also, don't you have an iPhone? Why are you using regular emoticons lol

Jaehyun: :D well I'm glad you asked. I just find them cuter lmao

Jaehyun: Like you

You would like to think you're a reasonable person. A reasonable person who sees a good opportunity and takes it. This moment is an example of a good opportunity to flirt back. Did you do it? No, instead you were spazzing out on your bed while texting in the group chat for you, Yeri, and Doyoung about the screenshot you just took of the convo with Jaehyun. Precious time spent on spazzing was wasted. A winky face would have sufficed, but no, you just had to react like any teenage girl in some dumb book. Jaehyun changes the subject after exactly 6 minutes of waiting for your reply.

Jaehyun: Does 6 pm sound good for our date?

You: totally

Definitely didn't sound like a surfer just then

Jaehyun: (typing)

At this moment, Jaehyun was deciding whether or not to call you babe and say goodnight. He was typing for so long that you started to panic (for no reason at all.) If your heart wasn't already racing any further, good thing Ten was sleeping over at Jaehyun's and leaning over his shoulder the whole time, because he pressed send.

Jaehyun: That's cool, see you then babe. Night :)

Needless to say, Yeri and Doyoung were blowing up the groupchat after your screenshot.

A/N: what do you guys think? please send commentary, it would mean very much! I’ll be making part 2...at some point.

[itswindsoap]

What is WindSoap?

WindSoap is a space created by two people, Wind and Soap, to be unapologetically unafraid and uncensored in the words we have to say. We’re idealists who’ve had to learn firsthand the harsh realities of life and just want more for those who are in the same position as themselves and their former selves.

It started out as an idea for a podcast; it came from the deepest of deep conversations we would have, on topics from life (living it and wanting to end it), self-identity, boys, and even the parts of the female body we’ve all universally never been taught about and have to search outside of ourselves to find out more about. We would talk for hours — and to this day still do — about things that so many people are too afraid to, especially because it comes from two unique perspectives.

WindSoap is exactly that, Wind and Soap; we met as international students in Beijing who during the first years of study didn’t know much of each other besides the others existence, and it wasn't until a mutual friend and the strange circumstance of the God awful cram week for finals in a coffee shop really brought us together. We couldn’t honestly tell you the exact point when we became friends, but what we can say is that seemingly overnight we went from being virtual strangers to the purest of confidants, how we became close friends, none of us can recall. Which is the best way to become friends with someone, not the fickle attitude of hating someone you don't know just because it's the norm until you somehow get to know them and realise how wrong you were, but that's something for another day. The greatest thing with us is we’re the comical odd pair, the best of friends to the point of being sisters despite this great divide separating us (distance), and the obvious telling us apart. Short and tall, Indonesian and Zimbabwean, our differences in culture, rich history, race and social standing are what could have stopped us from becoming what we are now and our similarities in love, life, and experience are what has prompted us to create something not just for us, but for someone out there who really needs it.

I think that WindSoap is something that came from an idea birthed by two people who found comfort, safety and acceptance in themselves. Two people who managed to shoulder the weight of their childhood, adulthood, and its scars on their own for so long, they didn't know it could be possible to find someone who would always be there for them; on their darkest days while crying heavily into the phone or on their dumbest days while one disways the other from shaving their head but ends up praising them for it in the end because that's what friendship is all about.

The night we came up with our podcast idea we went all in, came up with the name “WindSoap”, the tagline and more or less the basis of what it would be about. But with toying with the idea of starting a podcast and having certain entails in place is now an idea that’s been shelved indefinitely. But, from it sparked the idea to rather start a blog together, with both of us so far apart, it seems like a better alternative. The same name and tagline as well as content, but instead of it being a spoken conversation one could feel like their listening in on or are a part of, it’s a written one.

Even after taking the first steps towards it we both got caught up in our own lives away from the blog, but its always been something on the backburner, and now after all this time is something we’re ready to give to the world; no excuses.

Welcome to WindSoap, the inner vaginal monologue. A blog that’s simply a conversation about all the things you have late night conversations about, and all the things you’re also too afraid to say out loud and just generally, want to know so much more about. Its a conversation and a place where we’ll be able to explore and share our views and interest with freedom and no judgment. It may be brutal, and it will be honest, it may even be a bit graphic but its here, and we’re happy to share this with you and start this journey.

Wind & Soap.

[mxsmwndr]

Reactions to 'Little Do They Know'

(ft. Camp Halfblood and Hogwarts)

Dedicated to the wonderful @marieskeez

(PS: this goes really good with Little Do They Know)

Drew Tanka

Draco would see her one day, laughing with some friends

And boy, was he in love

He never bought the 'love at first sight' shit until now

But Drew liked to give him hell

She hated him

Until she found out that Draco didn't care what she thought of him

At least, that's how he played it

Until Draco angrily kisses her

And she kisses back

And it totally wasn't hot

When Percy found out, things got interesting

This is Drew that we're talking about

Luckily, Annabeth found out about Draco's feelings before Percy found out about the kiss

She insists that Drew likes Draco, and that she "has a feeling for these types of things"

Percy is confused like usual, but agrees to become Draco's wingman

And so he helps set the two up

Their first date was actually anything but awkward

And not once did Drew bring up anything about wizards or Merlin, to Draco's relief

Or that she used to hate his guts

But she did decide to hint at going on a second date

And poor Draco didn't get it...

...but he somehow gathered the balls to ask her anyway (he really liked the date)

Of course Drew said yes because she's not that bitchy

Their second date went even smoother

But it was more fancy

And Draco was panicking about what to wear

But Percy helped him with the help of Annabeth

And soon Draco/Drew became a thing (Dracew?)

And they talked shit about everything/everyone

Bu eventually Drew asked Draco about Wizards at a campfire as it was inevitable

She wanted to know if he knew any tricks, and what Hogwarts was like

And Draco promised to show her when the school season came

They did fight a few times, too, which sometimes resulted in a breakup

But they always made up

Usually after Draco begged Drew, which sounds really toxic, but wasn't

He's just so in love

Percy and Annabeth

Percy was not good with hiding his reaction when Draco told him what really happened in detail

And Annabeth hit his shoulder

They sat in the Athena cabin together

If Annabeth asked nicely, Draco would let her read his textbooks for school

Mainly the ones about history and magical creatures

Just because she couldn't really practice magic

But the was kinda their little secret

And Draco being a wizard brought them closer, too

Camp Halfblood

They're confused

Like so so confused

There's another mythical world?!

With wizards?!

MERLIN?!

Being the dumbest people on earth, that's all they'd talk about for days

Weeks even

Athena kids would read books about it

As well as some unclaimed kids

And Hermes kids would try to steal Draco's wizard stuff

One night the Stolls actually took his wand

And Draco was awoken by screaming, followed by a crash

It was a long night for everyone

But luckily Chiron allowed Draco to put everything in a safe, and keep it in the big house

Hephaestus kids would try to replicate wands

And/or beg Draco to enchant some of their inventions that don't work to make them better

But Draco says no, because he knows the Stolls are waiting for him to get out his wand so they can steal it

And he figures it won't end well

But anyways, everyone else just randomly goes up to Draco and asks him questions about being a wizard

They don't care that he might be considered a traitor

That makes him cooler to some of them

He became really popular for a little bit

And he'd casually bring up what he did, just to make sure he knew that they already knew

Like if he scored a game in volleyball, and his team would cheer him on, he'd casually bring up that he's help kill dozens of people

And the demigods say something like, "yeah, now keep your eye on the ball"

But Chiron really was the only one who didn't give a huge reaction (minus Percabeth)

He just kinda has a calm aura, and tells Draco that he's always be welcome to camp, and it's his home too, and blah, blah, blah

Draco's eternally grateful for it, though

He seriously is constantly thanking Chiron for letting him stay

Sometimes they'll have counseling sessions, too

Draco loves those times

But when Chiron found out that Draco wasn't a real demigod, he decided to keep it a secret

They said Draco was both

Which really helped a select few of demigods, because they discovered that they are also both

And they just didn't know about it because their parent(s) died/their god parent never told them

But pretty much they reacted the best out of everyone

Then the gods would somehow find out about Draco, and he'd be summoned to Olympus

So he'd obviously go

And the gods argued about whether or not Draco was to be punished

Until Hermes pointed out Athena's silence

The gods turned to look at her, and she expressed that Draco should stay, but they will keep it a secret that he isn't a true demigod

And so they did

The Golden Trio

Ron would have his jaw dropped

And Hermione would definitely be scared

But Harry would just kinda stay there, not afraid, and slightly surprised

He didn't know why he was surprised

It was totally expected from Draco

But deep down, he still knows Draco is a good person

And for some reason, it made him trust Draco more

And Draco hated him less

So it's a win-win

Eventually, when Hermione and Ron got over their shock, they'd ask Harry constant questions about what being a demigod was like

Like he'd know

Because they were scared to ask Draco himself

Snape

Oof

This one would be rough

A lot of the beginning was death glares and silence

And maybe a little bit of jumpiness

At least until Draco decided to do something about it

He met up with Snape after class one day, and decided to Iris message Chiron

Just to prove that he wasn't a bad person

Snape then refused to believe that there was another mythical world besides the one he lived in

He's old fashioned that way

It took a while, but Snape finally believed Draco about everything (he's not a traitor, and the gods are real)

He started to actually offer Draco help with the kids who were scared of him

Draco accepted reluctantly because he was sick of everyone jumping in their seats every time he moved, and slowly people started to talk to him again

First it was the Slytherins and a minor amount of Hufflepuffs

Then it was Gryffindors

Then the rest of the Hufflepuffs

And finally the Ravenclaws

(A lot of them asked him about what it was like being 'a child' of Athena, and/or what the gods were like)

Draco responded with telling them stories about his camp

Crabbe and Goyal

They'd totally feel betrayed at first

Like Draco, what the bloody hell did you do and why?

But soon they'd understand

Because they liked Lucius

And they're too chaotic without Draco's leadership

After that, they'd death glare anyone who talked bad about Draco

And maybe cause a few fights

They'd also ask him a lot about his life at camp

"Does you mum know?"

"Are there girls?"

"Cute girls?"

"Did you get smited?"

"You idiot! He wouldn't be alive if he was!"

"Are you going back?"

"Can I come with?"

They'd also try to stick their hands through Iris messages

"You're friends with a centaur?!"

But when they meet Drew, oh man

Drew does not like them

She thinks her boyfriend should have better friends, but soon warms up to them

It was impossible not to love the two dorks

So then the trio became a quartet whenever Drew visited Hogwarts

Hogwarts

Word about Draco's 'betrayal' to every wizard in the world gets out pretty quickly

And while some students hurry out of Draco's path in the hallways, others ask him about Camp and what a demigod is

But like, the majority will go out of their way to be out of his way

It totally hurts Draco, too

But he doesn't show it

No. He would rather be caught dead than show it

One day, the sleeve of his robe slid up his arm and his Mark showed

A girl fainted

Draco blushed, and quickly covered his arm, and pretended not to see it

Of course he'd Iris message Percy, Annabeth, and Drew

But it just wasn't the same as talking in person

Everyone knows that

Occasionally Chiron would appear, and that always made Draco feel a little better but it just wasn't the same

At least until Snape helped him

Then the majority of the people asked him about camp

Although Harry Potter never once asked him anything

To Draco's disappointment

Then there would be a few wizards who found out they were demigods, too

And they loved camp

[tdystmr]

au where Sky God! Jinyoung meets college student!jaebeom and finds out about a feeling called love 💘

b a c k g r o u n d i n f o 🍓

inspired by weathering with you ✨

jy is a sky god who descended onto earth to live as a mortal for a year in order to find out more about humans

he has no idea about human emotions such as ‘happiness’ ‘sadness’ ‘anger’ ‘love’ etc. but he manages to fit in well as a college student because people just think he’s joking around + popular for good looks and being the new kid

he majors in history ( to find out more about the past and humans ) and minors in literature where he learns about feelings through poetry

jb is a struggling film major who decided to do a project capturing human emotions and the different forms of them for his final year. he doesn’t like to stand out and has a tight-knit group of friends

but he’s also mildly known for his skills as a photographer and also as the cold, handsome senior in the Arts department

both of them live on campus and bunk with their respective besties, four to a dorm.

p l o t 🍓

they meet in the school garden one day when jaebeom is there to do some shooting while jinyoung likes to spend some time sitting and observing the students

jb almost gets the perfect shot until jy pops his giant head up into the frame as he clicks the camera. jb ends up with his last frame being wasted and jy is confused why this strange human is shouting at him for walking

jb decides not to waste his time any longer talking to a clueless history major and walks off, huffing

jy feels inclined to follow him and he does, still confused but curious

he secretly follows jb all the way to the Arts block of the school and into the development room. jy is amazed by the glowing red bulbs and the dozens of pictures hanging from strings in the wall. he almost touches one when jb notices him

jb ends up getting even more frustrated and tries to chase jy out, but the poor, innocent man doesn’t even know why he’s so upset

jy decides to turn up at the development room the next day again, to the dismay of jb

a n e x t r a c t o f t h e i r f i r s t m e e t i n g 🍓

“Why the hell are you here? I thought I made myself clear yesterday that I have no interest in seeing you again. Ever,” Jaebeom snaps at the pretty boy’s face. He still frowns the same, confused frown as yesterday and Jaebeom wants to strangle him.

“Why are you so...” he gestures wildly, imitating Jaebeom’s angry actions. Jaebeom rolls his eyes, feeling even more insulted.

“Angry? Upset? Frustrated? You ruined the only shot I had left by popping your gigantic head into the frame and tailed me to the development room. If you had touched any one of those pictures, you would’ve ruined a week of hard work in a second. Of course, I’m angry,” Jaebeom grits out, trying not to raise his voice in the middle of the hallway.

The man blinks at him, before he asks the dumbest question he’s ever heard a college student ask. “What is ‘angry’? Could you define it for me?”

Jaebeom really wants to slap the shit out of this man.

Calmly as he can, he replies, “It’s like when someone steals something from you and you feel like kicking them in the balls. Or, when you spend the whole night working on an essay and accidentally click ‘delete’. Do I really need to be explaining this right now? I have to develop a new roll of film,”

“Oh. My apologies. I haven’t fully grasped the definitions of human emotions yet so it’s hard for me to understand how you feel. Could I repay you somehow so you don’t kick me in the balls?” the man asks, completely straight-faced and serious.

Jaebeom lets out a half-scoff, half-laugh sound. “You say that as if you’re not human. You can pay me back with a-”

“I’m not,”

“What?” Jaebeom asks, unsure if this man is borderline crazy or actually serious. Considering the fact that he’s a twenty-plus year old and doesn’t comprehend the concept of feelings, he could be telling the truth, Jaebeom thinks.

“I’m not human. I’m from the sky. A Sky God, to be exact,” the man says cheerfully, as if he’s proud of himself. Jaebeom is awfully skeptical by now, but he can’t seem to think of any other reason why this stranger wouldn’t be able to grasp the concept of feelings. He’s read about a condition called Alexithymia, but that should only apply to his own feelings, not Jaebeom’s.

“That’s a pretty bold claim. How can I believe you?” Jaebeom asks, curious. If this stranger really was a Sky God who had no understanding of feelings, he would probably be useful as a model for Jaebeom’s project.

“Meet me at the rooftop of the dorms at midnight?” he asks, genuine. Jaebeom is still wary but his interest has been piqued, hence he agrees.

“I’ll see you then.” He lowers into a perfect, ninety degree bow and almost head butts Jaebeom’s crotch. Jaebeom is surprised and jumps back, clitching his camera close to his chest. The man happily walks off, unaware of Jaebeom’s confusion.

“See...you...?” Jaebeom mumbles to himself, shaking his head. He wonders just what he had gotten himself into.

t a g s 🍓

friends to lovers 

angst / fluff / smut

sky god! jinyoung

college student au

supernatural / fantasy

slow burn

heartbreaks

angst with happy-ish ending

would also like to mention that i’m starting commissions for writing! able to write any of the au ideas that i’ve posted here before or any prompts that you give me :) also, feel free to hit me up on ko-fi!

 https://ko-fi.com/tdystmr

 https://twitter.com/tdystmr/status/1282929187058118659?s=20

[purplesurveys]

706

What weird food combinations do you enjoy? I’m willing to experiment mayonnaise with most food. I also dip my fries in hot fudge sundae and because I’m Filipino I have to have my fried chicken paired with banana ketchup. Where do you get your news? Usually from the Twitter and Facebook handles of my go-to news outlets. My dad is also the only one who turns on the TV in the dining area so whenever he’s home and watches the evening news I get to hear the reports as well. What social stigma does society need to get over? HIV/AIDS, dating or marrying the same sex, tattoos... even breastfeeding is a fucking stigma lmao. So many people are babies. What is the best/worst prank that you've played on someone? I hate being the victim of pranks so I never pull them on anyone. What was the last photo you took? My dog jumping up to ask for food last night.

What makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it? Lately our president has been wanting to give nightly addresses on TV every midnight so when I hear another announcement from the government I just roll my eyes because I know it’s gonna be another hour-long speech that not only has absolutely zero substance to it, but made everyone unnecessarily stay up that late. What are you currently worried about? I’m worried about my remaining academic requirements. With the suspension of online classes and the lockdown being extended until April 30 (which is virtually the end of the semester), I have no idea what’s gonna become of our academic calendar and my grades – and the status of my graduation.

A notable school in the country already mass-promoted (read: passed) all their students and is planning to give tuition fee refunds since only two months of the sem were used. It’s honestly the most responsible thing to do for now and I hope all other universities follow suit.

Do you think aliens exist? I believe we aren’t the only ones alive out here but I also don’t think they look like the creatures books or movies have made them out to be. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? Meh, was never a fan of anything mythical/mythological. What are you interested in that most people aren't? Pro wrestling. In my 15 years of being a fan I’ve only found literally a handful of people (at least who are also Filipino) who shared the same passion or amount of interest as I have. It’s just never been a popular topic or fanbase here so I never get to bring it up – and I’m afraid to bring it up because people seem to judge anyone still into wrestling these days. What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? My most pointless purchase was a pink bar of soap with lettering that says “Gay Bar.” It’s a novelty item at best and I never needed to buy it, but I had money that day so I did and now it’s gathering dust in one of my drawers. What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? The PS1 start-up noise is a big candidate. If given the oppurtunity to open a museum, what kind would you create? They have museums about everything now, so I think it’d be a good idea to turn to my roots and make an ancestral house instead and have it in our home province. My family has a rich history and it’d be a waste if we allowed ourselves to forget. When was the last time you immediately regretted what you said? I think last night? We were having pork belly bought from outside for dinner and I was talking about how good it tasted and that it was the best thing I’ve had in a while. I forgot my dad has been cooking us a different meal every single day since the quarantine started and they all have tasted amazing as well. After I realized what I said I felt like shit and immediately downplayed the pork belly so that he didn’t feel left out. What's the silliest thing you've seen someone get upset about? My mom is a champion of this list lmao, there’s so much stupid shit she’s thrown a fit over. The most ridiculous one happened last year when my sister sprained her ankle and my mom would not help her walk around and even walked faster than the rest of us. It was like she was purposely leaving us behind, which confused and pissed me off. Anyway I was left assisting Nina as she hobbled on. Eventually I caught up to my mom and asked her to slow down and to be with us and to help my sister walk. Apparently it was enough to piss her off and the whole ride home she was yelling at me and legitimately sobbing about how humiliated she was when I called her out because she thinks people overheard and are judging her for it. I mean if you’re afraid of getting judged isn’t that proof you know you did something shitty?

The sermon also turned personal and she started screaming about how I was a horrible daughter and that I’ve never done anything right, and that I was a disappointment, and that I was straying further from God everyday and she could see the horns growing on my head. How’s that for abusive? What was the best thing that happened to you today? I finally finished the level I’ve been stuck on in Mario Kart 8 and now I’m officially done with the game. I’ve never finished any video game before so it feels pretty bitching!!!!!!!!! Do you consider yourself a good cook? I don’t even consider myself a cook. What's the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? ^ The thing I just talked about, even though it wasn’t technically an argument because my mom didn’t let me talk throughout.

The next dumbest thing I could think of is probably when my grown-ass aunt fought me back when I was 13 on whether Beyoncé lip-syncs or not. It was a random family discussion and I was just talking about how much I like Beyoncé and she not only stole my thunder by picking a fight with me, but she also made me feel bad about something I loved lol. She was so insistent that she lip-syncs and was so hungry for an argument, I didn’t understand why?????? so I just dropped it and rolled my eyes at my dad. IT’S SO DUMB RIGHT What did you google last? Information I needed for an article I’m currently writing. What fashion trend makes you cringe or laugh everytime you see it? Skirts paired with either denim jeans or leggings, and short vests. All the Disney stars wore them and it was the epitome of fashion for us at the time aaaahhhhhhahahahahaha. What's your favorite holiday movie? LOVE ACTUALLY. For sure. I’d also say It’s A Wonderful Life but it has some very low points that ruins the Christmas-yness for me. How ambitious are you? I’m pretty ambitious and also a bit of a perfectionist, but I’m also aware of my limits and I don’t always jump onto tasks feeling confident. I know what I’m capable of so if I’m faced with something I know other people can be better at, I’ll consciously be less ambitious at it cos I usually let my insecurity get in the way. What was the biggest realization you have had about yourself? As someone who’s always thrived on being an introvert, the last few months and years have taught me that I CAN talk to people if I have to? And they’re not scary? I had little hope for myself prior to my internship - but it ended up being fun and I met a lot of awesome new people. I also never thought I’d get to write articles solely because I hate interviewing people - but my sources have all been nothing but nice to me. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve always doubted my ability to talk to people and dive in to unfamiliar scenarios, but when I do either it’s always turned out to be great experiences for me.

What topic could you spend forever talking about? If we’re going for what’s been the most recent hot topic, it would be the government’s incompetence in dealing with COVID-19 so far. Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? Over. What word is a lot of fun to say? I dunno. I don’t think of words in terms of how fun they are to say. Maybe curse words? HAHAHA If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? Assuming the internet is nothing to worry about, I’d watch all the series I’ve long planned on watching but can’t because Netflix does a big pull on the entire household’s connection. Are you usually early or late? Early or on time. There is no ‘late’ for me. What do you wish you knew more about? The future. Not knowing the answers to it is so irritating/boring to me. What is the most annoying question you've been asked? Asking if I go to rallies/am an activist/am part of the NPA just because of the school I come from. None of those things are bad at all, but I’ve always been annoyed at the stereotyping. How different was your life 1 year ago? I wasn’t graduating yet then. And I was OUTSIDE MOST DAYS because there wasn’t any fucking virus. What movie title best describes your life? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, except I literally have to be stuck at home. What was the last lie you told? Telling my groupmates I had some family stuff at home to fix before getting started on our group project, but really I had to take a bath first because I wanted to feel fresh while working. It’s a minor lie, but it still made me feel bad. What type of music do you listen to? It’s usually varied but my go-to genres are indie pop, electropop, alternative rock, punk rock, *some* indie, R&B, and pop.

Are you a good listener? Yeah, it’s why I prefer to be one than a talker. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Cookies and cream or some peanut butter/chocolate concoction. Do you think you're brave? I can be. Just not about everything. What are you most grateful for in your life? The relatively comfortable life we live considering where we live. And that covers everything from the food we eat, the schools we’ve been sent to, where we get to travel (or the fact that we can travel at all), etc.

What was the worst phase in your life? My rebellious, no-one-understands-me, angsty teen phase when I was 12-13 and my time readjusting in college when I was 18-19. What is a relationship deal breaker for you? Verbal abuse. What are some things that give you complete peace of mind? Staying in coffee shops, driving at midnight, views of the skyline at night, staying on the rooftop at night and being under the stars... I just like a lot of things about the night. Would you like to explore another planet? Yesssssss. Who was your favorite cartoon character as a child? Spongebob. Cosmo from The Fairly Oddparents comes at a close second. What would you do if you were the president of your own country? Right now? I’d assure people everything was being taken care of – mass testing, support for doctors, provision of PPEs and free transportation for frontliners, making all the senators (who are all expectedly not doing anything, save for one) work their asses off, put part of the P275B fund to assist middle- and lower-class people who can’t  – instead of imposing shoot-to-kill orders for the military to anyone criticizing the government or rambling about absolutely fucking nothing in nation addresses.