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dirtykpopsnaps · 4 years ago

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Watching Dramas- Cha Eunwoo

Warnings: Slight spoilers for True Beauty

Contains: JinJin’s sister, Y/N, and why she doesn’t watch Astro’s kdramas

Requested: no

Words: 2, 055

A/N: Okay, this fic doesn’t really relate to Eunwoo much, but it also kind of does, so??🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

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Outside the shop window, the street is filled with people underneath umbrellas. Large drops of rain splatter the window and blur the street outside. Inside the shop, everything is nice and warm. Customers chatter happily with their friends, talking about millions of different things. “Are you serious?! You haven’t seen it? I thought everyone had at this point!” Across the table, my best friend, Hayoon, is talking animatedly. I laugh lightly, shaking my head.

“I don’t watch any of their dramas,” I tell her honestly. Immediately, Hayoon’s jaw drops open.

“None of them?! You know these people and you don’t watch their dramas?!” She asks in shock. I smile softly and laugh again.

“I see enough of them on a day-to-day basis. I don’t need to see them in my dramas, too,” I giggle.

Right now, Hayoon is talking to me about this new drama, True Beauty. She’s absolutely obsessed with it and has been following it since it aired. I listen to her talk about it, but I know that I won’t be watching it myself. Although it sounds like a nice story, the drama has one cast member that I refuse to watch...Cha Eunwoo. Also known as my brother, JinJin’s, group mate. Ever since JinJin joined Astro, I haven’t watched any of the dramas that the members star in. As you just saw, Hayoon is definitely surprised that I don’t want their dramas.

Across the table, Hayoon rolls her eyes. “Why not?,” she whines, “It’s so good!”

“I’m sure it’s a good drama, but I don’t watch them,” I say plainly, shrugging my shoulders.

“But why?! Just because you know them?” She pouts.

“Well, I kind of have a bad habit of ‘falling in love’ with characters from my dramas and stuff. I don’t wanna put myself in the situation where that character could be played by someone I know,” I shrug lightly. Hayoon sighs at me, shaking her head. “Besides, it’s weird to see them like that,”

I say, scrunching up my nose.

“But...the shows are so good!” She pouts. I nod my head lightly.

“I know they are. I just have trouble watching these guys that I know, act. I mean, I used to love watching Boys Over Flowers. It was one of my favorite dramas. I thought the little F4 were so cute. And then JinJin joined Astro, I rewatched Boys over Flowers, recognized little Moonbin and it all just went downhill from there,” I giggle. Hayoon’s jaw falls open and she stares at me.

“Do you have a crush on Moonbin?!” She asks in shock.

“Oh, God, no. I meant that all I could see was my friend as a little kid and it kinda ruined the separation between the character and actor,” I explain.

Hayoon and I talk between ourselves, picking lightly at the food we had ordered. Even as we’re finishing, Hayoon still hasn’t dropped the subject of True Beauty. “Well, I don’t care. I want you to watch it with me at the sleepover tonight,” she says.

“Hayoon, no, no. I really don’t want to,” I protest, trying to reason with her.

“No, we’re watching it. It’ll be your introduction to Eunwoo’s acting,” she smiles. I sigh defeatedly, resting my head in my hand.

“Fine, I’ll watch it. But, it’s gonna be weird,” I mumble in annoyance. Hayoon squeals loudly, doing a little dance across the table.

“You’ll love it!” She smiles, getting up and starting to throw our trash out. I help her clean up and we grab our umbrellas before leaving the shop.

Quickly, Hayoon and I make our way through the streets back to her apartment. The rain splatters loudly on our umbrellas, falling down in pools around us. By the time we get back to her apartment, my shoes are absolutely soaked. I groan in annoyance and take them off, trying to find a dry spot by the door. Hayoon opens up the door and we both head inside. For most of the night, we just goof around and talk. We watch some videos on YouTube and even some kpop game videos, like ‘Save One Drop One’ and ‘Kpop Dating Game’. It’s just a fun little sleepover.

About an hour or two before we decide to go to sleep, Hayoon shoots me a look. “Time for True Beauty,” she giggles, grabbing her laptop. Instead of watching it on TV, Hayoon decided that we should start from the first episode and watch on Viki. She opens up the site and signs in, humming happily. Once she’s on the site, she finds True Beauty very quickly and clicks on the first episode.

For the most part, the show is actually very good. It’s an interesting story and Hayoon and I keep stopping the episode to talk to one another. About halfway through the episode, Jugyeong is standing at the edge of a building. I stare at the laptop with wide eyes, not able to tear my eyes away in case I miss anything. Suddenly, someone comes onto the roof of the building and pulls her off the edge. All you can see is the outline of a guy, but I make a guess and laugh, covering my eyes. Hayoon sighs in annoyance and stops the episode. “Really, Y/N? You’re gonna miss it!” She whines.

“It’s Eunwoo! I don’t wanna watch it,” I laugh. Hayoon pulls at my hands, trying to force them away from my eyes. Finally, she just sighs and lets the episode play again. I listen instead of watching the parts with Eunwoo.

When the scene seems to have passed, I look through my fingers. “Is he gone?” I ask, watching the laptop again. Hayoon sighs, nodding her head.

“Yeah, Suho is gone,” she sighs, resting her face in her hand. I giggle at her and continue watching the show. As we watch, I realize that I like the show a lot. Just as the show is ending, I’m actually able to watch a scene with Eunwoo without feeling like cringing internally. As the credits roll, Hayoon smiles happily and pats me on the back. “See?! Eunwoo is a good actor!” She squeals. I nod my head lightly.

“That was a pretty good show. I’ll need to keep up with it,” I smile. Hayoon squeals again, throwing her first in the air.

“Yes, success!” She says.

Looking back at her laptop, Hayoon sighs. “We should go to sleep, it’s late,” she says. I yawn loudly, agreeing with her.

“That’s probably a good idea. I’ll need to go to the studio tomorrow and work,” I say, grabbing some blankets and pillows. Hayoon flashes me a throwing smile.

“The studio? As in...,” she starts. I roll my eyes at me, hitting her with the pillow.

“Yes, as in with Astro. I always sit in on their practices,” I remind her. Hayoon giggles loudly.

“Tell Eunwoo that he’s hot,” she laugh. I roll my eyes, hitting her harder with the pillow.

“Oh, shut up. I will tell him no such thing,” I groan, laying down and covering myself with the pillow. A short silence follows.

“Then...maybe tell Moonbin,” Hayoon says, bursting into a fit of giggles again. I groan, covering my ears.

“Stop talking about my brother’s group mates like that,” I whine, holding back my laughter.

—————————

In the morning, I’m woken up by a loud ringing nearby. I groan, rubbing my eyes and grope around for the source of the noise. Finally, I pick my phone off the floor and answer it without checking who it is. “Hmm?” I mumble sleepily.

“Did you just wake up, Y/N?” JinJin’s voice asks. I sigh lightly, pressing the phone closer to my ear.

“Yeah, Jin, you woke me up,” I say. He sighs at me and I hear a rustling as he adjusts the phone.

“We’ll be at the practice studio, okay?” He questions.

“Alright. I’ll get there soon,” I say. JinJin ends the call and I sigh, throwing the blankets off my body. Next to me, Hayoon rubs her eyes sleepily.

“Was that JinJin?” She asks. I nod my head lightly, grabbing the bag of clothes that I brought here before we went out to eat yesterday.

“Yeah, it was. He was just telling me that they’re heading to the studio,” I say, pulling out some random clothes and gathering them in my arms.

When I have all of my clothes, I press the bag against the wall again. I walk into the bathroom and quickly change, checking my hair in the mirror. When I come out, Hayoon is in the kitchen, looking around for some breakfast. “Do you want something before you go?” She asks, looking over her shoulder at me. I shake my head lightly.

“No. I’ll probably get food for them on the way to the studio. They almost never eat before practice,” I tell her. Hayoon smiles and pulls me into a tight hug. I hug her back and grab my bag, waving goodbye before I head out the door.

On the way to the studio, I stop by a street vendor and order some street toast. The vendor gives me a very strange look when I order 7 of the same item, but he finally just hands me the toast. I give him some money and thank him before making my way to the studio. Every once in a while, someone will stare at me as I carry all the food, but no one really talks to me. I’m able to make my way to the studio without much problem.

When I finally get to the building, I head inside and the receptionist points me to the right practice room. Everyone in the building basically knows me, so they always help me whenever I come in. I walk down the hall of practice rooms and step into the room where Astro is practicing. Thankfully, everyone is already on break, so I just walk in and set my things down. Calmly, I walk around the room and hand out the street toast. JinJin raises an eyebrow at me. “What’s this for?” He asks curiously.

“For you to eat, doofus. I figured you guys didn’t grab breakfast because you almost never do,” I sigh, rolling my eyes at him. JinJin chuckles lightly and takes the sandwich, hugging me softly.

“Thanks, Y/N, you’re the best,” he chuckles. I pull out of the hug and give the last sandwich to Eunwoo, smiling.

“And, the last sandwich is for Lee Suho,” I giggle.

At the mention of his character, Eunwoo laugh lightly. “I thought you said you don’t watch our dramas,” he asks, eyeing me and smirking. I shrug my shoulders.

“Hayoon insisted, so we watched the first episode last night,” I explain. He takes a bite out of the toast, then swallows and smiles.

“What did you think?” He says, smiling widely.

“It was...interesting. Hayoon got annoyed with me because I kept hiding my face whenever you came on. But, by the end, I was almost able to get through your scenes without cringing,” I giggle. The members all laugh loudly and Eunwoo pinches his nose, scrunching up his face.

“That’s really not comforting,” he laughs. I shoot him a bright smile.

“It was good,” I say, patting his head lightly.

Across the room, Moonbin speaks up. “So, does that mean you’ll watch some of my dramas soon?” He asks excitedly. I shoot him a skeptical look.

“We’ll have to see about that. I literally couldn’t even rewatch Boys Over Flowers because you were in it,” I remind him. Moonbin pouts, crossing his arms.

“Hey, that’s mean!” He pouts at me. I laugh loudly, walking over and pinching his cheek.

“We’ll see, Bin. Maybe we can watch together and I can hide my face in your chest whenever you’re on screen,” I laugh. He rolls his eyes, pushing out his bottom lip.

“Maybe,” he says.

Calmly, all of the members eat their street toast. After about 15 minutes, JinJin calls everyone’s attention and practice starts. I sit on the wall, watching all of them practice dance moves and singing the songs. Eh...maybe I will watch some of their dramas. ‘I’ll just have to sit down and watch with them so we can all cringe’ I think to myself. Now, *that* sounds like a plan.

#dirty kpop snaps #kpop fanfic #cha eunwoo #lee dongmin #astro eunwoo #eunwoo fanfic #true beauty #astro

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dumbdancemomssideblog · 5 years ago

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S1E1: The Competition Begins

okie dokie first ever episode of dance moms rewatch starts now :0 i actually remember watching this the very first time it aired on lifetime because i was channel surfing and saw a commercial for it earlier that day. that was the summer between 8th and 9th grade. ah memories... i didnt know what to expect because i did dance when i was a kid but not on a competition team and it was mostly ballet so i was pretty unfamiliar with this whole world.

anyway lets begin. this is probably gonna be a longer post than what i’ll end up writing for the other episodes in season 1 bc the first episode introduces so much info, just a heads up

Act 1: (aside: yes its insufferable to divide this into “acts” when its really just like “segments separated by commercial breaks” but thats how they’re called in actual tv scripts so im just going with that cuz i cant think of a better/easier way uwu)

god this is so fucking early 2010s lmao

i miss these days where they were just talented nobodies from pittsburgh on a low budget reality tv show that nobody even knew would be successful. and the bad hair and makeup but idk if that was also just a 2011 thing lol

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES GREEN SCREEN INTROS IM DYING

the chalkboard !!!! they werent doing the pyramid on the mirror yet

(apparently abby never did anything similar to the pyramid thing but the producers made her and it became a whole Thing on the show and thats why the moms were like wtf is this bullshit the first week)

mackenzie looks like a toddler. chloe is so tiny. theyre the 2 who changed the most physically over the course of the show

i remember watching this for the first time being used to ballet lyrical and jazz but never having done or really seen acro/gymnastics in dance choreo and being SO flabbergasted. i was thinking “a chin stand is not dancing what the actual hell” and yknow what? i was right

melissa: “my boyfriend knows how much i spend on dance because he signs the checks...............hermehhemrherrmehermh” (the most awkward laugh omg)

maddie is wearing a fucking bumpit in her hair i cannot

melissa deadass just said out loud “im here for my daughter im not here to make friends” ok everybody mark that one off on your catty women’s reality tv show bingo card!

camera man accidentally getting in the shot filming right in front of the huge wall-mirror.... what is this, amateur hour? i’ll let it slide since its the first day of filming rehearsal but step it up, boys

aw i forgot about maddie getting sick and crying :/ poor kid

melissa saying “i cant stand a chid that’s sick” sounds so edited like the intonation made it seem to me like they just cut her off mid-sentence i love lifetime

oh this was still when they were wearing normal stuff to class/rehearsal like black leotards bc they werent getting sent a trillion crazy 2-piece dancewear outfits for free yet bc they werent famous, man those were the days

Act 2:

[obligatory b-roll footage of downtown pittsburgh]

the maddie chloe paige trio !!!! this is making me feel so nostalgic

“knees together, paige. you’re bow-legged, you need to fix that”

“you’re tall, you’re skinny, you’re a beautiful girl, you can do better than this. FOCUS” shes like 10 abby what the hell

“people think im tough and i guess i am but i would rather be the one to make your kid cry in the privacy of my studio than at an open-call audition in front of hundreds of people”

okay unpopular opinion alert: i agree with a lot of what abby says about stuff like this but her delivery is flawed, to but it euphemistically, that being said i think the production team of the show and the fame inflating her ego changed all of this somewhere over the course of the second season and its really sad to see :/ i can expand on that thought later tho

aw paige crying bc abby correcting her (but not saying anything personal or out of line, just technique corrections (at based on what we were shown, we dont know everything she said oop)) shes a sensitive kid she never should have been put on this show :(

paige looks exactly like her mom i didnt realize that before

nia and holly were done so dirty throughout the whole series in terms of the narrative the producers set up about nia being the weakest link :/

Act 3:

cathy’s entire involvement in the show from the very beginning was so painfully obviously scripted (or at least heavily staged)

vivi was also done dirty by the show’s narrative and she was only 6 and they presented her as like the butt of the joke bc her mom’s “character” was crazy and also she wasnt good at dance. i wonder how she feels about the show now that shes a teenager hmm. she really seemed not to give a fuck about dance for better or for worse when she was a kid tho so maybe she doesnt care ?

in what universe would an owner of another competitive dance studio bring her own kid to another studio more than an hour’s drive away, AND be under the impression that she could compete with them in a week, especially when they showed the kids’ and moms’ shocked reaction at the start of the episode to having to learn a dance in a week and compete it? like really what is the point of cathy and vivi being a part of this show im so ????

Act 4:

THE MINISTER DAWN OUTBURST HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT THIS

this fight is about 50% of what got them a full season 1 and then things took off from there tbh. the other 50% was the electricity dance but thats a point for next episode..... :)

“you’re a minister act like one” “YOU’RE RIGHT I AM A MINISTER! LET’S PLAY THE BIBLE GAME ABBY, WHEN JESUS SAW THINGS THAT WERE WRONG HE WENT AFTER THEM, AND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO THIS TO MY KID” ma’am i think the wrongs jesus addressed were of slightly more importance than a preteen being told she cant take a dance class if shes violating the studio’s dress code

this is so good bc it wasnt staged afaik and there are regular students all throughout the building just STARING at them like lmao what even is going on, so im pretty sure this is real???

regardless, yeah dont wear socks and a tshirt to an acrobatics class, thats common fucking sense

another cameraman-in-mirror sighting, but its hard to think about angles when filming spontaneous drama like this, so i wont count it against them

“you called me fat” (i remember that being in the episode but thats not on the episode available through lifetime on demand that im watching from my moms tv hmmmmmm) “i told you to close and tuck in your two-piece costume, theres a big difference. HOW CAN YOU REMEMBER THAT BUT YOU CAN’T REMEMBER TO TURN YOUR FEET OUT” uh scream

she really called the police on this woman i cannot handle this. can you imagine being a police officer responding to this call?

“we have a parent thats out of control. pardon? no shes doesnt have weapons, just her mouth” iconic

im sorry im still not over the hair and makeup. the flat hair with the side bangs. the black pencil eyeliner applied all the way around the eye. why did any of us think this was a look :( why did we do this :(

Act 5:

they went all the way to phoenix to compete 3 numbers, only 2 of which are shown in the episode.

i think this is the only time they ever went to west coast dance explosion because its an actual competition and they wouldnt allow filming after this lol i think they did go to wcde one weekend in addition to a competition where they were filming but it wasnt shown or mentioned at all

abby not wanting brooke and paige to have a french manicure on stage if theyre the only ones in the group with the french tips is perfectly valid idk why it was framed as some crazy micromanaging shit

i also am really not a fan of the whole “high functioning alcoholic wine mom/crazy stage mom” schtick they were pushing for the first few episodes of this show

in retrospect i feel like so many of the quips in this episode were intentionally fucking crazy just to get the audience engaged enough to want to watch more episodes...

“see those girls down there, those girls with the legs? thats who you’re up against, so step it up”

abby warning them that its dangerous for their little party hats to slip when they’re doing aerials and pirouettes and stuff: “what if you were at radio city music hall and they had the ice rink out and you were doing a side aerial and fell 13 stories down and died, huh?” fantastic point abby thank you for saying that to 5 girls ages 8-12 less than 5 minutes before they went on stage. perfect time for a teaching moment like that :)

i forgot how bad the camera work was in the first few episodes for footage of their performances. like they really didnt think the show’s audience would actually want to watch the kids dance, the producers and editors thought we just wanted to see stage mothers yelling at each other lol

also the mic feed over the music of abby talking to herself giving them corrections while watching them dance on stage.... im so glad they quit doing that. i dont remember them doing it like that for any other episode, i hope im right

this choreo is very basic and its a cute dance i guess but its very cringe in some places and for the first episode this is such a forgettable group routine

their scandalized reaction to placing third and the sad piano music is so funny honestly

and maddies reaction in the interview which was almost definitely fed to her by the producers where shes like “i win all the time i dont really know what its like to LOSE i always win or get runner up” so many of maddies lines from season 1 interviews sound so fake and she was probably too naive to know they were getting her to say that stuff so they could paint her as a conceited brat (she was EIGHT)

the trio costume was so ugly im sorry (is it supposed to be like a 50s pinup bathing suit?) (and the headband thing looks so bad) and also the music is bad but they had no real authority over that bc of copyright stuff

chloe’s headpiece coming forward and the ensuing drama was another moment in the episode that really solidified public interest in the show imho....

“YOU’RE IN THE BAR HAVING A DRINK AND YOUR KID’S HEADPIECE IS FALLING OFF” “it did not FALL OFF it CAME FORWARD it was FINE!!!”

“mistakes happen, we’re human.” “YOU are. mistakes like that dont happen to me”

and then the “next time on dance moms” with the WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE electricity dance, of course. genuinely that was really smart of the producers in terms of structuring things to generate intrigue lol. and obviously it ended up working....

#dance moms #s1e1 #season 1

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yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy · 6 years ago

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Keep Your Eyes On Me Part 5

So I was on vacation for A WEEK in Myrtle Beach without my laptop but I HAD A NOTEBOOK. That I used for the 14 hour drive to and from and throughout the whole week THAT I FILLED WITH IDEAS. and so now we get to use them. Enjoy. Again, big thanks to @waiting4inspiration for hosting the 2k writing challenge. This is so fun.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 and now enjoy part 5!

Part 5

You went back to Ivar’s house and snuck into the armoire where your ‘tent’ is pitched to access your tent and “paused” time for a moment to wrack a sob before you did your best to regain your composure before you checked in with Morgan.

“This is H.L.S. Zulu Alpha Roger Alpha 0960 coding in- Phoenix.” You checked in before Morgan’s face appeared in a frown to see you furiously wiping away the tears on your face.

“I register the time pause, what’s the problem?” Morgan asked. For you, phoenix meant distress, you rarely coded in phoenix. Morgan could count on one hand the number of times you had coded in phoenix out of the hundreds of missions you had run and every last one was when things went to shit and you were in a bind you couldn’t get yourself out of which was something in of itself because you were a good agent. One of the best which made her job a peice of cake.

“Are you sitting down?” You asked with a wince.

“How bad?” Morgan asked, her own trepidation clear in her tone.

“Um, like Cat 3? Maybe 4?” You answered as your wince turned into a grimace before you just started crying again.

“Hold on sweetie.” Morgan held up a finger and then secured the channel as she ran a quick scan of your location. Freydis was the closest being to you, Bjorn was in the port still on a boat as was his extended family, your emotional distress was causing you physical distress but otherwise you were unharmed.

“So what’s going on?” Morgan asked.

“I had to divorce Bjorn.” You wailed as Morgan brought up the feed from your contacts and watched that unfold for a moment.

“Uh, well, that could actually be a good thing, means he won’t come back to Kettegat and he’ll be safe, you could actually call this mission a success if you wanted to and come home now.” Morgan assured you before she came to the exchange between yourself and Ivar. “Oh, or not.” Morgan grimaced then sucked in a breathe between gritted teeth as she started to wrack her brain on how to help the situation before she bent down to her purse on the floor next to her to grab a mini bottle of peach whiskey from her purse and dumped it into her glass of oj, usually she didn’t drink during work hours but this was a lot of distress as she rewatched your conversation with Ivar.

“So...do you have a plan for how you’re going to accomplish giving Ivar a son?” Morgan asked before she took a swig of her drink.

“I’m pregnant with Bjorn’s child.” You answered which caused her to spit out her drink and start choking on it before she grabbed a napkin and wiped off the screen as she started cussing up a storm which got the other operators to look over in curiosity. “Hey, ya’ll mind your own damn business!” Morgan snapped at them which made them turn back to their own screens obediently.

“Zara, you shouldn’t be pregnant. You can’t...it shouldn’t be possible. The shapeshifter serum…” Morgan tried to argue but she couldn’t deny the biometrics once she reran them and found the evidence of the pregnancy, she simply didn’t notice it before in the first scan because usually it was never a thing to look for before as she laced her fingers together and cracked her knuckles as she took it all in before she heard gasps from the other operators who were eavesdropping.

“Hey, none of y'all didn’t hear shit you hear me?!” Morgan yelled at them before Vanessa, another operator cleared the room for her.

“I know, but here I am.” You answered with another angry yet defeated sob.

“Zara, that’s it, I’m pulling you out. You’re in over your head and I’m out of my depth, this has never been done before.” Morgan decided.

“No! You can’t! Not yet anyway, Bjorn JUST got on the ships, they’re still in the port, if I go missing now they’ll go after him. I can’t do that.” You argued.

“You will and I will assign someone else to rejump the mission, we’ll just unravel it, just a little bit.” Morgan insisted.

“No! If you do, I’ll lose the baby and I can’t lose this baby or this baby!” You argued as you palmed your belly and then gestured to Dyre in your other arm around the sling that kept Dyre secured to your chest. “Morgan please, we’ve been a team for years, you know me and what I’m capable of, I’m not in over my head yet, I’m just...I ran into a few bumps that’s all. It’s still early, my body could still potentially naturally abort and you would be rejumping someone else for nothing. I’ve got time. Just, help me find an out. Help me find a way to successfully accomplish this mission and keep my head in the process. Please Morgan.” You pleaded desperately before Morgan groaned and sat back in her chair and rubbed her eyes before she gave you a meaningful look as you continued to her give her your best puppy dog eyes.

“Damn it.” Mogan complained as she rolled her shoulders to loosen them then ran the probabilities and the possibilities generators as she drank the rest of her drink as she realized this would explain the degree of distress you were under before the computer dinged that it found an out and relief washed over both of you.

“Ok, I have an out. You miss this out- for any reason- I’m pulling you and this mission will be rejumped and then I’ll be grounding you. You hear me?” Morgan warned.

“Loud and clear.” You answered before Morgan explained the out and made the arrangements.

“Now, is there anything else you need to report?” Morgan asked.

“No.” You shook your head ‘no’.

“Good, now I’m ordering you some Calm because that much distress isn’t good for the baby and then I’m going to go to lunch and get a strawberry margarita with my tacos al pastor. I’ll check in after lunch.” Morgan said before she reopened the channel while you got what you needed to help your current situation and left your tent in the armoire and hit the resume button on time. It wasn’t but a few minutes before there was a knock at the door.

“Who is it?” You asked.

“It’s Freydis.” Freydis answered.

“Oh, please come in.” You invited as you opened the door to her and once she was in she gave you the tightest hug she dared so as not to smoosh Dyre and this simple act was all you needed to start crying again as she just held you and soothed you before she had you both lay down on the bed, Dyre between you and simply talked over the situation before Freydis gave you the best advice she could about Ivar and his likes and dislikes and his short temper and just general personality.

“So what’s in the bowls?” She asked after you seemed to stabilize after you both made a vow to the other. She vowed she would never harm you or Dyre and you vowed you would never usurp her or come between her and Ivar and would always show her deference which pleased her greatly.

“Oh, medicine for Ivar. I have balm of Gilead and milk of poppy. Ivar seems he’s in pain all the time, I was going to try to see if I can ease it some.” you answered as you got up and showed it to her.

“How did you get these?” Freydis asked in awe. She herself, being queen had heard of these but had never gotten to see them in person before.

“The milk of poppy I collected myself, where I was before I came here, poppies grew wild all over. We were close to the silk road and the doctors traveling revealed what it was and always paid me and my family in gold and spices for it.” You explained before you talked about the balm of Gilead or tiger balm as it was known in the far east.

“Are you a healer?” Freydis realized you seemed to know your medicinal herbs.

“Yeah, sort of.” You nodded.

“Then we’re double blessed to have you.” Freydis smiled fondly.

“Thank you. I actually have some spices I was going to give to the kitchen.” You revealed as you showed her the other bowls on your table before she took Dyre from you so you could deliver said spices to the kitchen.

Ivar watched on curiously as he noted how you and Freydis were both making efforts to get along and become friends. He was hoping that both of your naturally sweet natures would mesh well. When he was informed that you had spices that you gifted the kitchens and that the meal that night would be especially good, that pleased him even more.

Freydis sat you down across from her with herself sitting on Ivar’s right with you sitting on his left and Freydis did her best to make sure you were as comfortable as possible, talking about your family and your adventure in coming to Kettegat- looking for Bjorn and how you managed to labor on a boat all by yourself before you revealed how you had labored in the water and how there was a pod of dolphins that surrounded you and used their sonar to help you deliver with much less pain than than you guessed would be normal because in your time, this was actually a fairly common practice as Freydis and Ivar were stunned as Ivar announced you had clearly been gifted and blessed by the gods to only have good fortune. When the meal ended, you nursed Dyre before handing him off to Freydis so that you could “attend to Ivar”.

“Before we lay together, there is something I would like to do first.” You proposed to Ivar who looked at you curiously.

“I have balm of Gilead, also known as tiger balm in the far east. I would like to massage you with it, to see if it would help ease you.” You proposed as his eyebrows rose in surprise as you showed him the balm which he sniffed curiously before he made a face, not exactly liking the smell at first as he looked at you warily.

“I will be just as naked as you will be when I do so that you can hopefully relax.” You added before he seemed to be appeased by that before you got naked first and then helped him take the braces off his legs before you had him lay down on the bed.

“Where are your stretch marks?” He asked as he looked at your lower belly and didn’t see any.

Oh shit. Think fast!

“I don’t have any because the moment I started to show I put oil on my belly, the oil helped my belly to grow without getting the marks.” You answered before you grabbed at a bottle of olive oil and showed it to him before you sat down on one side of him and started to simply massage his hand and arm which helped him to relax.

“Where did you learn this?” Ivar asked as he gestured to your massaging hands with his other arm.

“The wife of a doctor gave me a massage in return for payment for the milk of poppy a few times. It was the most wonderful experience. I simply imitate it.” You answered with a shrug before you worked up his arm, letting his hand rest on your waist as you did so.

“Is that why your skin is so soft?” Ivar asked as he traced little circles with the tips of his fingers on your skin which made you smile while a shiver ran up your spine and the touch gave you goosebumps and your nipples grow erect which made Ivar grin to see your body react to such a simple touch from him.

“Yes.” You nodded before you were done with that arm and stood up on your knees and went to step over his abdomen before his hands went to your waist and forced you to sit on his belly which got you to blush but you obeyed his silent command and started working on his other arm as his other hand stroked down your waist and your thigh as he simply looked up at you and watched you work on him before you simply started to massage his pecks and his shoulders as you locked gazes. You were surprised yet relieved when his gaze was soft, if not lidded and started to grow heated and when he seemed to be satisfied with your rubbing he gently took your waist and moved your pelvis back which you complied and found him hard and his head seeping with precum at your butt before you spread your legs wider to open yourself up before you seated yourself onto him and started to ride him. Slowly at first to get a feel for him. He was thicker than Bjorn but not quite as long.

“You’re blushing.” Ivar stated as his hands were digging into your soft hips and guiding you over him.

“And your eyes are spectacularly blue.” You returned in awed wonder because his eyes were practically glowing before you bent over and kissed him hungrily, your fingertips softly digging into the back of his neck and skull, your fingernails gently scratching his scalp, careful to make sure your hands never crossed over his throat because the last thing you wanted was to break what tiny bit of trust he was giving you- by even for a moment- thinking you were going to try to choke him. But it seemed he enjoyed it as his hands then started to roam your body, squeezing your breasts until milk came out.

“Careful, you’ll make a mess.” You tried to warn him but your tone was surprisingly playful as your smile was beaming before he pulled your breasts to his mouth to suckle, forcing you to move your whole body up his to accommodate him, his cock sliding out until just the tip remained inside you but the breathy moan spilling from your throat made Ivar grin as he continued to suckle one before kissing the valley between your breasts before suckling on the other as you supported yourself up by your elbows on either side of his head and let him do as he pleased with you. You surprised yourself with how willing you had been to receive all of his affections, even though your heart accused you of enjoying all of this too much but that Calm had done it’s work and the guilt wasn’t heavy because of it so you stamped it down. This was just sex. This was a way to gain his trust and confidence and a way to blow off steam for you. This didn’t mean anything...right? It was just a human activity. That’s all.

But oh, when he released your breasts with his mouth and grabbed your waist and moved you to seat yourself to the hilt, you gasped in delight and moaned in pleasure as your eyes closed in serenity. Surprisingly he was using his stomach to push up into you as his hold on your waist and hips forced you down as you started to ride him harder and with more zeal and enthusiasm.

“Oh by the gods.” You whined as you placed your hands on his chest to steady you and really threw yourself into this. Fuck. This was good, this was better than you thought it would be. You were going to cum if he kept this up.

“Ivar...I’m…” you tried to warn him as you opened your eyes and looked down at him with lidded eyes and a tortured bliss expression on your face and now he was looking up at you with the most earth shattering intensity, it almost made you want to shrink back, but instead it emboldened you to give him your all as he started to hiss and grunt through gritted teeth because he was getting dangerously close himself but his ego forbade himself from cumming yet. If he could get the two most beautiful women he had ever known to their peaks, even with his “hinderances” that would be an achievement.

It wasn’t long after before your orgams seemed to snap and then flood, your voice reaching a delicious high as his name fell from your lips, you mentally had to make sure it was Ivar’s name, not Bjorn’s. Ivar would probably throw you into a wall if you said Bjorn’s name right now. And Ivar pushed up into one last time as his body tensed and stayed in that position for a few long moments as his face screwed up for a moment as he held his breath as he released himself deep inside you before he went lax and fought to catch his breath.

“Wow.” You panted as you fought to catch yours too. That was...great actually.

You got off of him and pushed him to roll over.

“What are you doing?” Ivar asked as he paused and was hesitant to do so.

“You interrupted my massage with sex, I wasn’t done yet.” You explained with a bright smile.

“Oh, well then by all means.” He chuckled as he took a pillow and put it under his chest so he could lay on his belly which gave you access to his back and immediately started groaning and moaning when you sat on his butt and worked on his back.

You worked on him until he fell asleep and once you were sure he was out, you quickly did a biometrics scan of him.

“Jesus,” you breathed when you read it over before you got off of him and helped him roll over before you went to get Dyre back from Freydis.

“So?” Freydis asked as she was half asleep with Dyre sleeping peacefully on her chest as she was propped up by pillows. Part of her was jealous that your baby was what Ivar really wanted but she couldn’t bring herself to blame the baby, if anything she felt such a strong pull towards it and she would be happy to coparent with you and would probably dote on him as if he was Baldr himself.

“Whew, you are one lucky woman, wow.” You giggled as you got Dyre back which got her to snort a laugh.

“We’re both lucky then.” Freydis answered even though that stung her heart a bit but she stamped that down for your sake.

“My bed is big enough for three.” You offered as you hesitated in leaving her.

“Are you sure?” She asked.

“Come on, he’s out, I’ll let you get the right, and I’ll get the left.” You nodded towards your room before she got up and followed you back to your room and you got in on one side while she got in on the other and both of you cuddled into Ivar’s sides with both of you using his arms as your pillows before she soon dozed off too. Once you were sure she was out, you broke out your mini twilla from your wrist and set it up before you used it to put you under to create a dream world and created projections of possible children and dressed yourself and Freydis in proper queenly attire and made both of you about six months pregnant and all of the kids in appropriate clothes and made sure to program your children’s projections and then brought Freydis and Ivar into the dream before you “woke” them up by placing Ivar outside his own home, carrying a bag of treasures as you prompted him to want to go into his own house as you primed Freydis up with her own “children” a few sons and two daughters while you gave yourself the same.

“I’m home!” Ivar called out as he came into his house before all the kids came running at him.

“Daddy!” They all shrieked and giggled as they all came bounding up and did actually knock him down and tackle him with their little hugs and kisses as Ivar was nearly crying and so happy to hug and hold all of his kids, perfect little mixes of himself, Freydis and Astrid as you and Freydis both came up, both of you giggling while both of you grinned happily and proudly at the scene.

“Ok, you gotta let Daddy up.” You softly urged the kids who tried to help their dad to at least sit up before you and Freydis helped him stand up.

“Did you bring us presents?” Dalla asked as she eyed his satchel excitedly and bounced in place her curls acting like springs around her little head as her bright turquoise eyes shined bright.

“Well that depends, were you good for your mothers?” Ivar returned as they all nodded yes emphatically before Ivar looked at both Freydis and yourself to either confirm or deny it before you both nodded yes.

“Alvis has gotten really good at his swordsmanship since you’ve been gone. He’s been practicing every day and Dyre has too, after you get some food in you, you should watch them.” You informed him proudly as both boys preened and puffed up their chests with pride and gave their father bright, smiles, despite their few missing teeth because they were loosing their baby teeth in favor of their adult teeth now.

“And Bergthor has been working on his archery, he can split a hair at 50 paces now.” Freydis added as you coded that into his projection from behind your back.

“Really?! That’s great boys!.” Ivar congratulated his sons.

“You’re just in time for lunch My Love.” Freydis said as she could smell the scent of the large lunch wafting into the living room from the kitchen before Ivar turned and took a seat at the head of the table as his kids crowded around him and clamored to sit as close to him as they could with his youngest daughters each getting a knee to sit on as they took the loaves of bread that had just been placed on the table and dipped the torn pieces into the butter and the honey before they took turns feeding their father as yourself and Freydis sat down and started eating the bread too before the rest of the decadent meal was brought in as you and Freydis caught Ivar up on what had been happening in Kattegat since he was gone on the raid he had just returned from as his sons eagerly asked how many enemies he had slaughtered and how much fortune he had won which prompted him to open his bag to reveal the treasures as Ivar seemed to choose which child should receive what before he handed Dyre and Bergthor necklaces for you and Freydis which the boys readily put on your necks as all the girls put on the new bracelets which were just a little too big for their wrists but they were equally happy to just have their daddy back.

After lunch the boys showed off their new fighting skills with each other as Ivar watched with a keen eye and ready constructive criticism for them which they were happy to receive as Bergthor was happy that he actually put a strand of his mother Freydis’ hair into the target which really impressed everyone before you had them all get on their horses and ponies to show off their riding skills in the riding pen which Ivar was proud to see too as Freydis and yourself stole into his sides so the three of you could keep your eyes on all the kids as Ivar noted how the girls especially were getting really good at riding their ponies as the boys had graduated from the ponies to the horses.

You let Freydis and Ivar sneak away to “reconnect” first as you stayed with the kids in the yard with the other thralls and once he was done, Freydis came and traded places with you for you could reconnect with Ivar too because it had been a long six months without him. You and Freydis had started to conceive within weeks of each other after you joined the family because you used your knowledge of it to your advantage.

“So what do you think you’re having this time? Ivar asked as he sat up and kissed your pregnant belly with adoration and excitement. Now stretch marks were like tiger stripes on your belly and Freydis’.

“Honestly I think we’re having another girl.” You informed him.

“Well we already have three sons, another girl would even them out.” Ivar shrugged.

“Well with as active as she has been so far, I think Disa would be a fitting name.” You revealed.

“Spirited is she?” Ivar grinned proudly.

“Very, she’ll be a shield maiden for sure.” You giggled before you cued up the baby to start kicking like crazy as Ivar watched and felt the kicks in awed wonder. “Well it always makes me happy to come home from a good raid to find I’ve left something behind.” Ivar hinted.

“Two somethings this time, I think Freydis and I are just happy to have you back, we all are.” You giggled as you put your hand on your belly and continued to feel the kicks.

“Lucky me.” Ivar laughed.

“Yes, twice over.” You agreed before you pushed him to lay back.

“Now, I don’t know about you but it’s been a very long six months for me and I’ve missed you like crazy.” You insisted before you impaled yourself on him and rode him with gusto and once both of you were satisfied you got dressed in your finer clothes and went to the Great Hall for dinner where a feast had been laid out and once you and Freydis had eaten both of you were still riding the high of having Ivar home as you both danced as your daughters imitated both of you in your twirls with the drum beats as Ivar watched on with happiness and pride, both nearly causing his heart to burst because for once, he didn’t feel any pain in his body or anger in his heart. Just calm and happiness, he still wasn’t used to it. Even after all these years. But he was getting there.

Ivar fell asleep in the dream with you on his left side in the bed with Freydis on the right, both of you laying your heads on his shoulders and curled into him as his arms were under your necks as his hands stroked your sides as he simply basked in the happy glow of being surrounded by the women who loved him who were carrying the perfect children he always dreamed of and that everything was perfect now that he was back home after stamping down what would hopefully be some of the last of any uprising against him. He could rest easy now and enjoy his life and his family and all that he had worked so hard for.

#Whew lord this is turning into an Ivar fic #Vikings #Vikings imagines #Vikings reader #Ivar #ivar the boneless #ivar the boneless imagines #ivar the boneless x reader #Vikings crossover #Keep Your Eyes On Me #Keep your eyes on me part 5 #enjoy

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zmediaoutlet · 6 years ago

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you saw endgame! please share with the class! assemble!

haha, okay, well–here’s some thoughts, since we’re far enough out that I don’t think this will be too spoilery for people – but it’s gonna be super long, so it’s under a cut, either way:

Well, it was–spectacular! In that it was literally a spectacle, for one thing. I had pretty lowered expectations after not particularly enjoying Captain Marvel (it was fine, but boring) or Infinity War for that matter (better-made, but the stakes were obviously nonexistent because we knew something was going to be done). Here, though… I just really, thoroughly enjoyed it. It was thoughtfully done, well-executed, and just as a moment of payoff for those of us who have been here all ten years… It was just really something. I saw Iron Man on opening weekend in 2008 and fell in love, and even if I haven’t loved every single movie since then, I feel like Marvel just sent me a love letter, and I was so–glad. What a good movie-going experience it was.

I say all that having seen SO MUCH rending of garments and gnashing of teeth from the !stans and shippers, but all of that’s so very much missing the point. This is the story of *this series*, this great arc that led to this point. The thing to remember is that the MCU is fanfiction itself–it’s based off of characters who are based off of characters from a canon that��s been rebooted and re-blended about a billion times. This is the story this group of fic-writers, essentially, chose to tell, and I think they did it pretty damn well. You can write your own fic where Steve weeps into Bucky’s hair for 70 years if you want to. This story isn’t that, and that’s okay. (Genuinely, if fandomites could take like half a step back they’d be much happier people. I know it’s hard–I’ve been in a process of letting go with SPN that I haven’t really managed to do well–but c’mon. Don’t get so het up about it.)

Some things:

1) I was genuinely impressed with the time travel mechanism, especially as it bounced meta-ly off of other examples we’ve seen in pop culture. Finally, a story that allows ACTUAL alternate-universe time travel instead of boring-ass time loops. I’ve always thought it was spectacularly dumb when the worry is “but if I kill myself in the past, I’ll die now!” Nope! Avoided! Thank you, folks. It’s kind of weirding me out that so many people online seem confused about how the time travel worked, but it was incredibly clean and I just want to high five the people involved. The one thing that seemed like a plot hole was Old Steve at the end, with the implication that he was co-existent in this timeline for 70 years (and did nothing about Hydra??)–but then the Russos said that they assume he went to an alternate timeline, and then came back to this one to give Sam the shield. It wasn’t on screen either way so you can make your own headcanon, but I’m good with that. So: successful time travel. Hoo-fucking-rah.

2) Thor. This was the one real spoiler I had going in, that Thor Got Fat. All this weeping about how he’d been mistreated by the narrative. So, I was pre-emptively worried… and then ended up not thinking it was that bad. Look, I’m a chubster, I’m well-aware of how sensitive that can be for people. What I found interesting about it was that it was, yes, kind of a visual joke, just because The God of Abs was a pudge, but it was actually treated remarkably kindly by every character for whom that would be in-character. Meaning, sure, Rocket makes fun of him, and Rhodey’s kind of a dick (because Rhodey’s like that with Tony, even)–but Bruce, Steve, and even Tony all deal with him quite gently. That scene where he tries to volunteer for the gauntlet and Tony carefully holds him back was so sweet and sad. Poor guy. It was a good exploration of the depths that the last ~10 years of his life have pummeled him into. It wasn’t that he was fat, it’s that he was broken. People will make up their own minds about the equivalencies there and what’s being implied, but it was a good visual metaphor as far as I was concerned. If he were “just” a sad drunk no one would have believed that he wasn’t ready for what was coming, and he wasn’t. But he got better, because his friends really were there for him. (Also, Korg was wearing Taika’s pineapple shirt! I hope there are nice fics where Korg and Maik gently just play XBox with Thor because that’s all they can do for him.)

Also on Thor, re: Thor/Loki – more rending of garments about how he didn’t go see Loki. Let’s think about this: you’re on a top-secret time mission to save the universe (Time Heist!), and you go see your trickster god little brother who, yes, you miss, but who also hates you at this point in his life. That’ll go well. I completely understand why there wasn’t a scene. The scene with Frigga was all I needed there.

3) Steeb: I’ve never been the… biggest fan of Steve. I mean, he’s fine. His character is caught awkwardly between the man, Steve Rogers, who abhors bullies and will break rules to do what’s right, and between The Man, Captain America, who kinda Is Rules and needs to do what’s right but also represents an idea greater than himself. There’s a lot of wonderful tension there, but the movies haven’t particularly capitalized on it, and when they’ve tried it’s been in a lip-servicey way.

That said, this movie deals with it really, really well, I think. At the beginning he’s trying to live, and isn’t doing a great job of it. The plan they come up with is simple, perfect heroism – he’s not representing an Ideal, but he is one: he’s the man and the ideal simultaneously, that striving toward right will eventually create a more just, fairer world. If sacrifice is required he’s willing to make it. That scene of him standing alone against the massed forces of Thanos with his broken shield strapped tight to his arm is like a distillation of who Captain America should be. I’m so glad we got that, at the end.

As someone who doesn’t invest in Steve/Bucky but who completely understands it, I also see no issue with the thing where he goes back to Peggy. Bucky understands, too. That moment where they hug and he tells Steve, so-softly, “I’ll miss you,” oh man, oof. Bucky knows. I hope there’s a lot of pining!Bucky in that fandom, y’all are missing out on a STELLAR opportunity if not. Especially pining!Bucky where Steve knows and can only do his best to be Bucky’s friend. Steve going back isn’t out of character, either, despite the clamoring. He misses Peggy, he misses peace. Who knows what they got up to in that alternate timeline–maybe he and Peg went and routed Hydra early, maybe they saved Bucky, maybe they had a WWThreesome with Buck, whatever. But Natasha and Tony both told Steve to “get a life,” and he finally got to. He’d done enough. He earned it.

4) OH MY GOD, NATASHA. What a character arc. I friggin’ adore the mirroring of her and Clint’s stories. The brutal assassin who gained a family and learned what it meant to love something so much she wanted to sacrifice herself for it–those scenes on Vormire were heartbreaking. I’m also super glad that the movie paused, after that. Someone called her death “fridging” – wow. No. She was a hero, as much as Tony was. Whatever it takes.

5) Tony. Holy shit. In a lot of ways this was his movie–in a more meta way, it was RDJ’s movie, and Favreau’s, and Feige’s. It all started with Iron Man, and that’s where it ended. There wasn’t a stinger scene because we got that funeral and then the moment in the credits with the originals signing the screen, and of course they saved Robert for last. The success of this movie is really a testament to the risk everyone took, way back then. It sure as hell paid off.

“You wouldn’t lay down on a grenade to save your men,” Steve said. How many different ways can Tony prove him wrong? At least once more. ;-; I’m just super emotional about the whole thing. So many good moments all leading up to what happened. Little Morgan in his helmet, Pepper’s faith. Steve’s faith, for that matter. (I still have a tiny pocket of my heart reserved for Steve/Tony, no matter how non-canon it is. What a great relationship they have.) The panic and misery when Carol brought them back, calling Steve a liar, and Steve just–gentle with him, again, and how there was no anger there anymore. Argh.

That’s the thing that I think I appreciated about the movie most, in the end. Despite all the craziness, the spectacle, the easter eggs slinging at you left and right (”Hail Hydra.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!), what I loved most is that in the face of this ultimate goal, this literally universe-saving moment, the stakes were actually felt because the characters (and actors, and script) sold how unimaginably important it was. Interpersonal bickering fell by the wayside; any dumb conflicts just washed away. No drama for its own sake, or manufactured arguments. Just–working together. The Avengers we hoped to get in the aftermath of the first team movie. We got ‘em, finally, even if we lost a lot too.

This all sounds super elegiac, I guess. It sort of is. It wasn’t a perfect movie by any means, but it might be perfect for what it meant to do, and what it set out to do. There were a couple of little nitpicky things that I might change, but they’re so small so as not even to be mentioned. And so many more tiny moments that I loved, loved, loved. It’s the first one of these movies that I’ve wanted to rewatch in literal years, and that’s making me really happy all on its own. I’m just left with this utter… satisfaction. Not sad, just happy that they made it worth my while.

Put another way: when I was leaving Shazam I felt like I’d spent about 4 hours wasting my time. When I was leaving Endgame, I felt like it had been an instant. Just yay, all ‘round. I loved it three thousand.

What did you think?

#ombrecoeur #avengers #endgame spoilers #...i have a sneaking feeling i could get hate for this #pls note that the views above are the sole property of etc etc #i just really liked it is all #just a lot #i keep thinking about it #keep thinking about little moments that were great #and if that isn't a satisfying movie experience idk what is

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killian-whump · 6 years ago

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OUAT 3x05: Rewatch Liveblog

Hello, my friends! It is I, Killian-Whump, here with another Rewatch Liveblog.

This one's for episode 3x05, "Good Form" - and let me tell you right now, it might be awhile before you see another one, because it will probably take me 15 years to GIF all of the whump, angst and sexy faces that appear in this episode.

BUT BEFORE THAT HAPPENS!!!

I gotta watch the episode. So let's settle in, click the link below... and do just that.

Looks like we’re starting off this episode with Neal getting thrown in a cage, for all of you who are into that kind of thing.

Normally, I would be one of those people, but I'm not really into Neal... and what the hell is up with these camera angles? Meh. Could be better.

OH GUYS! GUYS! This is the Lost Boy whose face annoys me. I thought he was in S6, but here he is here. Is he maybe in both seasons? I'll have to keep an eye out for him when I get to S6 in my rewatch and spontaneously combust.

Aww, my baby’s having some unexpected feels over there while Emma's talking about her days in the foster system.

Aww, look at him trying to share his feels and connect with another human being on more than a superficial level. Bless him.

Look at him getting shot down because Emma assumes it's just an attempt to get in her pants.

Aaaaaand look at Dave telling him he's nothing but a pirate.

Like I said, I'll be GIFing this shit until sometime in the 2030s.

Oh, look! It's Navy men! What kind of flashback could this be?

Why, that looks like a Naval Officer, someone of good standing, with a jaunty little ponytail and a spry bounce in his step. Who could it-

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, IT'S HOOK

"Perhaps you mean younger brother." 'I MEANT WHAT I SAID, BITCH'

Ummm.... So... 'Only YOU can navigate us on this hero's journey!' 'Where are we going?' 'BITCH, I CAN'T TELL YOU'

OH GOD, GUYS, THAT BRIGHT SHINING SMILE FULL OF HOPE AND PROMISE T_T It kills me every time I see it. Colin could literally light up a city block in a blackout with that smile of his. We rarely get to see Colin's smile on Hook's face, but he uses it to such great effect right here. Bless.

...and here we are back to angsty, lusty, almost downright creepy staring at Emma XD

WHY IS HE FUCKING LIKE THIS (that’s what she said)

Hahahahaha, Snow. "Thanks for the advice." Like, she literally could not sound less dismissive if she tried. She gives so few fucks about Hook's thoughts, she might as well have walked over there and taken all of his OWN fucks away, as well. 'Nope, sorry, now NO ONE has any fucks for you. Not even you.'

My fucks... Now I have none T_T

I wish someone at the camp had answered WHY Hook had to go with David for more rope with, "You're freaking us all out, actually." XD

"What would you like to yell at me about now, Dave?" I love it when Hook calls him Dave, haha :D

Dave: "But if I do die-" Hook: "WHEN" Hahahahaha, you little shit <3

Aaaaaaaaand a swing and a miss. Dave, that was the absolute lamest attempt at whumping Hook that I have ever seen, AND I HAVE SEEN THEM ALL. Multiple times.

"Mate? Mate!" Umm, try his name? We know you know it. You used it thirty seconds ago.

LOL, I like to think Hook was, like, pouring Rum on Dave's mouth like a five year old trying to feed a sleeping parent or something.

Aww, he plays David so well. Hook: "No, it's too dangerous." Dave: 'Well, now I HAVE to do it.'

Liam, you ass. "Haha! That was close!"

Liam: "Employ the Pegasus!" And all the sailors, who obviously know what the Pegasus is, all spring into action, repeating the order and following it. So they all KNOW what the Pegasus Sail is and how to use it, while Killian, the LIEUTENANT and second in command here, has no fucking clue what's going on, what the Pegasus is, that the ship can fly, or where they’re going.

Regina: "How do we know you're not lying?" Hook: "Oh, you don't." Aaaaaaaaand he is. Hook: "But I'm not." Yes, he is.

Dave's TOTALLY OBVIOUS "goodbye forever beloved family" goodbyes XD

Ah, Liam, you stubborn arse. Listen to the strange demon child. Listen to your brother. Spoiler Alert: He never listens.

Oh, look. It's time for "Conversations with Pan That Are Somehow the Most Homoerotic Thing Ever Put on Television That Aren't Overtly Gay OR Sexual at All." FYI: If sexual innuendos about Captain Pan bother you, you’re gonna want to skip to the next line break. I’m just saying.

Creepy silhouettes. Darkness. Pan: "Come back and work for me." Work? Is that what we're calling it now? Pan: "Like the old days." TELL US MORE ABOUT THE OLD DAYS. Hook: "I don't miss the old days." Great, but TELL US ABOUT THEM ANYWAY.

BLIP! Sudden Closeness Alert.

"We've known each other a very long time, Killian. We've done business before." TELL US ABOUT IT IN GREAT DETAIL OR ISTG

Pan: "You know me." Pan: *whoooosh* Pan: *appears directly behind Killian* Pan: "I like action." Hook: *closes his eyes* Hook: *licks his lips* Hook: *hangs his head* HE LIKES ACTION BACK THERE. BEHIND YOU. BUTT ACTION. I FUCKING SAID IT. I ain’t taking it back.

Hook: *turns to face Pan* Pan: *moves around to be behind him again* That's... I mean... I don't even have to make the innuendos myself here, do I? IT'S BUTT STUFF. I'M THINKING ABOUT BUTT STUFF.

Pan: "I want to see your hook inside his body." WHY DOES HE FUCKING SAY IT LIKE THAT?!?! Like he's a fucking expert at things he wants to see inside people's bodies.

Get a little closer there, Pan. If you even can.

Oh, sorry. There is literally no way you could possibly get any closer to him without putting your SELF inside his BODY.

AND THEY'RE ALONE. THIS ISN'T NECESSARY. THIS CLOSE TALKING ISN'T NEEDED. NO ONE NEEDS TO WHISPER. IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE HUSH HUSH.

THIS DOESN'T NEED TO BE WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS.

BUT IT IS.

JFC even though I've seen this scene a frankly very embarrassing number of times, EVERY time Pan grabs Killian's flask, I always think he's grabbing something else with that sudden jerking motion. And then he pulls the flask up into the shot and I'm like. "Oh. Oh, that's right."

Pan: "Have a drink." Hook's reaction. GODS ABOVE... Pan: "You know it always helps you think."

AHHHHHHHH and then we see why Pan was whispering, and why he put the flask in Killian's hand just then, because Pan knew Dave was approaching and he wanted Hook to look bad in front of him.

...and for butt reasons. FIGHT ME, BITCHES. You know I’m right.

Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

That fucking plant dripping black shit ominously looks like medicine.

Suuuuuuuuuuuure.

EVEN KILLIAN SAYS IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE MEDICINE.

"You choose to believe that boy over our King?" Well, to be fair, that boy fucking LIVES there.

Oh, Liam. Liam, listen to your brother. Liam, don't. Liam...

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

Every. Fucking. Time. I. Watch. This. Episode. He never listens.

Annoying face time again. I wish Regina would just rip his fucking hear-

Oh, there we go. Thanks, boo.

Snow: "The cost can't be this family." Emma: "It won't be." As long as you stop being a judgmental stick in the mud, MOM.

Aww... My baby, giving as wide a berth to the Dreamshade as he can. I love how afraid of it he is. He's so precious.

Ooooh... Swordpoint. This is a much better attempt at whumping our pirate, Dave. I commend you for not giving up after the first try went so poorly.

AHHHHHH and Dave backs him up against the Dreamshade he's so afraid of. LOVE IT.

Oooh, suckerpunch. And Dave's out for the count.

Pan: "Maybe you shouldn't have goaded him into it." LISTEN, YOU JUMPED UP LITTLE SHIT... And Killian just falls right into the trap, just accepting that he's to blame and trying to explain why he did such an awful thing... Oh, my pretty pirate baby T_T

Pan: "Don't leave the island unless you're willing to pay it." Ahhhh, you tricky little devil. You TOLD him, but you didn’t tell him.

Also, remember how Pan said to Baelfire last episode that all the pieces were where he wanted them... I wonder what his purpose was for bringing Killian to the island and setting all this up. He likely knew the resulting cascade of dominoes would bring Killian back... and back again. But why?

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

(Hint: It's butt stuff.)

Awwww!!! They got the message to Henry!!! :D Yay!!! Success!!!

And they only had to rip a young annoying-faced kid's heart out to do it :)

And now the show would like to rip all of OUR hearts out with a touching scene of brotherly love and agonizing death and beautiful crying faces.

"I will follow you... to the ends of the earth, brother." T_T STOP IT

T_T

Damn show.

AWWWWWWWW. He's so cute, suiting up and "bloody hell"ing and pulling a bandana over his face for the task ahead.

Sweet peanut, facing his fears and hacking away at the Dreamshade.

Awww, the way he looks himself over afterwards, and looks soooo relieved that he's emerged unscathed. Such a fraidy cat. I fucking love it <3

"I didn't do it for you, mate." <3

Regina's so sorry she turned to see what was going on back there, lol.

Snow: "I'm not complaining, but what was that-" Snowing: *more kissing* Emma: "Okay, I'M complaining." :D Regina: "What I wouldn't give for another sleeping curse." HAHAHAHA <3

Awwww, Dave giving his future bro and maybe kinda sorta mate some credit. ...and Hook looking so shy and embarrassed by the attention. Bless <3

Oh. Ohhh. Ohoh!!

CS Kiss Time. As kisses go, this is a damn good one, because it has Colin O'Donoghue in it and Hook in it and Killian Jones in it and... it also has Emma grabbing him by his lapels and yanking him to her forcefully and keeping him there until she's damn good and ready to let him go and that speaks to me on a deep, primal level and did I mention that Colin's in this scene?

...and the way he looks so fucking BLOWN AWAY afterwards. Like, that boy's brain is SAUCE right now and I love every second of it. THAT... That is a man who has been kissed within an inch of his life and that is how a man should always look when a Domme lady is done with him :)

"A one-handed pirate with a drinking problem." LISTEN, YOU WALKING COAT HANGER...

By the way, this "Neal's alive and in Neverland!" cliff hanger here goes down in history as one of the lamest ones ever, seeing as Hook ends up telling the secret, like, literally 30 seconds later in show-time.

More Neal in a cage.

Pan: "Hang him up, over there. Next to the other one." Oh, how ominous...

WHO COULD BE IN THE OTHER CAGE?!??! We'll have to wait to find out!!!

Although, thankfully, you all already know... considering it'll be over a decade before I finish GIFing this episode and actually watch the next one... T_T

Pew Pew Pew Peeeeeeeeeeeew

#ouat rewatch #watching fairytales #ouat liveblog #3x05 #oc #kw reviews

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kierongillen · 7 years ago

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As i’ve seen this happen more than once, what goes through your mind when a big plot twist or piece of the puzzle gets unintentionally spoiled by the fans theorizing the future of the book? Does the rest of the story gets put on temporary hold to try to figure out how to write something new or is the story set in stone no matter what may happen? If someone were to spoil the ending of the entire book completely unintentionally and you were able to experience the reaction, will it change a thing?

Oh, god, no. Never change anything if someone’s guessed something. Nothing good lies in that direction.

Why?

Okay, let’s talk - with no specifics - Game of Thrones. If you go into the depths of fandom, Game of Thrones is - to some degree, in some areas - a solved problem. There’s a good selection of fan theories (some of which have come to fruition) which have so much meat on them it was clear they have to happen, or the book would break its structure and become unsatisfying.

These twists are available to anyone who wishes to google for them.

The vast majority of people don’t. So… why change the direction of the story? What’s the point of fucking over the enjoyment of the vast majority of people (i.e. making your story make less sense, as you’re abandoning the already existent thread) for playing gotcha on a tiny fraction of your audience?

(As a quick aside - compare and contrast theorising in a fanbase with actual events in the text that’s being adapted. Clearly, anyone who is watching GoT could have googled the synopsis of the book. Equally, anyone who’s read the books knows the big beats. Does the adaptation change the big beats? If surprise to everyone in your audience is all that mattered, you would. We don’t.)

It’s also worth noting that, while obviously some complain on the nature of the adaptation, most fans of a book generally complain that they wish it was more like the book. In other words, things that surprised them (i.e. differed from their knowledge of the text) were less satisfying. They wanted to see the big dramatic beats, even if they’re stripped of their surprise.

Surprise only matters the first time you read something. For me, any worthwhile piece of literature exists to be re-read, and will open up more upon re-reading. In other words, knowing the twist should add to the re-reading of the book. If it doesn’t, and renders the story less than it was, it’s probably a bad twist - which is one reason why I don’t tend to call them “Plot twists” to myself. I call them reveals. The plot doesn’t contort. It’s merely revealing something in the nature of the world the reader was unaware of.

(As an aside, this means that someone who has guessed successful the direction of the plot is actually effectively skipping to their second read of the book earlier.)

There’s the other side of this as well - not just whether a plot beat has been guessed, but the almost inevitability of a plot beat being guessed. GoT fans have had twenty years to puzzle this out. In that period, a mass communication device emerged which allowed fans to talk to one another and share ideas. This machine would have torn apart any plot.

No one individual needs to guess anything. People can make one step in a chain, and then that step is exposed to thousands of minds. If even one of them can make the intuitive leap to the next step, then it continues. No one person needs to be clever enough to see the whole thing. The internet hivemind is Miss Marple, seeing through the most contorted of machinations.

(In passing, this is one reason why Alternate Reality Games are hard to do, because the mass hive mind will figure almost anything out, almost instantly. Equally in passing, the failure to understand this is another reason why Ready Player One is bad, but that’s irrelevant.)

In other words, the reason why twists are guessable is the same reason they are satisfying. A twist that isn’t foreshadowed sufficiently to give the possibility of being guessed by someone is not a satisfying twist, as it - by definition - came out of nowhere.

To make this specific to my own work. In the case of the biggest and most intricate of my current books, WicDiv, we sell about 18k in monthlies and sell 18k in trades (in the first month of release). That’s our hardcore devoted readership. How many people of them actually read the essays in the WicDiv tags? I’d say 500 at the absolute maximum, and likely a lot less. So for a maximum of 1.3% of our readership, we’d derail a still effective twist for everyone else? No, that would be a bad call.

Especially - and this is key - the people who have chosen to engage with a fandom are aware that they may figure something out. They are trying to figure something out. Why take that pleasure away from them?

In a real way, I think, in long form narrative, pure plot twists which no-one in the world guesses are dead in the Internet age, at least when dealing with any even vaguely popular work of art. You can do them in short form narratives (like a single novel, a single movie and perhaps a streaming TV show they drop in one go) but for anything where you give a fanbase the chance to think, it’s just not going to happen. A creator should be glad their work is popular enough to have enough fans to figure it out.

Yes, I may have overthought this.

But that’s only half the question.

How do I actually feel when someone guesses something that’s going to happen? Well, this is long enough already. Let’s put the personal stuff beneath a cut…

I’d say you sigh “Oh, poop”and shrug.

And then you get over your ass, because you know all the above is true. Writers are often meglomaniacs who think they can control everyone’s response to their work. We don’t. We can’t control everything. We can barely control anything. We really have to let go. I’ve said WicDiv is a device to help me improve as a person? It would include in this area. I have to learn to let it go, and internalise all of the above. If I can make most of my readership have the vague emotional response I’m looking for, I’m winning.

I’ve mostly succeeded at this. I’m certainly better than I was 2 years ago.

(’ll probably write more about spoilers and twists and stuff down the line. I’d note that setting up twists that *are* easily guessable by the hardcore is part of the methodology. Having a nice big twist foreshadowed heavily is a good way to hide another twist behind it. “Hey - pay attention to this less subtle sleight of hand while I perform the actual sleight of hand over here.”In which case, there’s far less of an Oh Poop response and more of a cackling evil mastermind response.)

The sigh can occasionally be accompanied with a “Hmm. I wouldn’t have posted that” or - more likely - “I wouldn’t have posted that THERE.”

To stress, what follows, isn’t about my work per se, but culture generally, and very much personal. This is stuff which good friends disagree with me on.

As a fan, I never tweet my own fan theories. I only tweet joke ones. Even my crack theories I don’t tweet, as they’re normally so bizarre that if they actually DO happen, I wouldn’t want to take the thrill away from people. Even in person in conversation I make sure we’re going into a deep fan hole before sharing them, aware that they may be true.

In a real way, the more likely I think something is true, the less likely I’ll say it. As this is my job, I tend to see basic structural ways stories are heading way in advance of most people. I’m a composer. I know how music works. You have a vague sense of what way they’ll go.

(One day I’ll write down my crack theory for the end of the previous Game of Thrones season. Maybe after next season, as it’s not impossible that they may end up doing it, though it’s increasingly unlikely.)

If I had a really good theory I’ve gathered evidence for? You can guarantee I’d put it beneath a cut. That’s the stuff which bemuses me. It’s a cousin of posting major spoilers about any piece of culture the day it comes. The worst is one regular twitter trope - I’m always bemused when people do a “Calling it! XYZ will happen” tweet. Which strikes me a little like standing up in the cinema 20 minutes into a film and shouting out that you’ve guessed the ending. This ties back to the stuff I wrote above about twists being less effective in the modern age, except in a place you can control the context and conversation. People may message in movies, but they rarely message everyone in the room.

(In passing, as it’s vaguely on topic - you may remember the research from a few years ago saying people who know a twist enjoy the story more than people who don’t know a twist. Even this is true - and a single study should always get an eye-brow raise - but it strikes me as a confusion over what “enjoy” means. All pleasure isn’t equivalent, and you can only have surprise on your first time through a work of art. That’s novelty. You can have that and then gain the “Not surprise” experience second time through. If you spoil a work, it means the “novelty” experience is something you will never have. You may enjoy something more if you know the twist but you can always rewatch it to get that pleasure. If you’re spoiled, the individual specific pleasure of that first watch has been stolen.)

But that’s conversation of social mores. Really, it doesn’t change anything in terms of how we act… and sometimes, I even grin when someone gets a twist in advance. If someone gets it, great. The machine is working as intended. It’s actually kind of worrying if no-one is thinking something is up in an area you’ve set up to be iffy. And… the alternative is worse - hell, there’s buried twists and details in Young Avengers that no-one’s managed to figure out yet.

Twist ending: oh, no, I was a ghost all along.

#writer advice #WicDiv #Journey Into Mystery #young avengers

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tiffstasiaarchivejr-blog · 8 years ago

Text

a year without two | alyssa nova

a total plagiarism but it's gross o'clock in the morning and i woke up from a dream that I don't recall so don't bother asking and i'm still bitter so here have corresponding diary entries to go with the excerpts from the worst year of andrew nova’s life: a saga

fall

I thought he couldn't sink any lower but then the sun is coming up and his frown is going further down. Annie was a lying ass bitch, the sun ain't coming out tomorrow. Or the next day. Or any day until Bianca's home.

I remember what he was like when he lost her--Adriana. When he lost Adriana. We hadn't been extremely close at that point but we'd been close enough to where I could see that the needle in his compass had been snapped off and buried with the love of his life. He was devastated and for awhile, I wasn't even sure if Bianca would be enough to save him from his grief, his anger. He still has little reminders of her around, I don't know if he knows I know but I've seen the painting she never got to finish in storage. She definitely had talent. And she definitely knew where her life was supposed to be going judging by the signature on a corner in the back. Adriana Nova. Sometimes I wonder if there's days where he might love the memory of her more than he loves the reality of me but, that's probably just Aly de Luca talking, right? Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked. I've got to get dinner on the table.

Scarlett can't sit still for the life of her. It took me two hours to get her hair into the Leia buns. TWO HOURS. if I'd known she would be so bouncy in every aspect of her life I would have never signed her up for those gymnastic classes. She was headed to yet another Star Wars marathon at Mason's and said she loved whenever her big sister would wear her hair like that, did I have time to do hers? It's funny, isn't it? Scarlett asking someone if they have time for something. I didn't actually but I made the time. When it's her doing the asking, you find yourself creating all the time in the world for that beautiful soul. I cried once she was gone on her way. I remember the first time I had to fix Bianca's Leia buns when she was a kid, Drew couldn't do it to save his life, bless his heart.

He was young but I was younger. He was a father at sixteen years old, stumbling his way through it all like a blind man in a maze. He had no clue how to be a father and I only knew how to be a friend but just like him, I learned too. I learned how to swaddle Bianca just the way she liked to stop her fussing. I learned the best place to test a bottles temperature and I learned all about the horrors of changing a diaper when Drew just couldn't shoulder every waking moment on his own anymore. I spent some nights there, looking back I'm shocked my parents let me but I guess they trusted Drew or at least remembered what being younger parents was like? Or maybe they knew there was no stopping me. I fell asleep in school a few times, cried in my car before leaving where he was living at the time because I was just so damn tired but also so inexplicably sad for him. He couldn't do it on his own yet he had no choice. I was just a kid landing a hand, being there when he needed to vent out the anger that was lashing in everyone's direction, when he needed to yell, when he needed to be silent. When he needed to cry and the very almost non-existent rare times when I could pull a smile or a laugh from the broken boy. I was just a kid, shouldering grief far beyond my years in order to help him cope with his. I was falling in love with a guy who loved a ghost. Some days I wanted to remember my age, remember the youth I could be celebrating and dropping away from him, protecting myself from the hurt that was surely going to come from crushing on someone so broken. Someone who would vow that he was ever going to love again, that it was just going to be him and Bianca. But I didn't. Because I was going to be the person who reminded him that it didn't need to be that way as long as he had friends, had help. When he lost Adriana, he lost whatever sliver of innocence he had left but maybe when I gave him mine, he was able to reclaim enough of his own to battle back. I'd do it again, even if it didn't lead to us one day becoming more than we were those nights Bianca wouldn't sleep. I'd do it because the world couldn't bare to lose a man like he would become when he learned how to be a father.

Rhys was out, Scarlett was out, it was just us here tonight. It was supposed to be a date night but once Good Will Hunting played, his attention seemed elsewhere for the rest of the night. Now, I'm in bed and his study door is closed. I'm living with a man haunted by a ghost again.

He's never going to stop beating himself up.

winter

It's Christmas and all I want to do is cry. I miss my daughter.

I wish he would just go talk to her. Tell her that he knows what she's going through. That he's felt the same bitter bite of betrayal that she has. I wish she would talk to him. Hear him out. I wish I could go back and know what was going on. Know she was falling in love and know Andrew had that kid marked for death. Retribution never seemed so ugly before.

Mason and Wyatt's heads are actually officially empty. It's confirmed.

Some days I'm so angry at him I want to scream. Some days I'm so upset with her for leaving and staying gone this long I want to give up hope. Can anyone blame me? But he's still my husband, love of my life. And she's still my daughter.

Part of me wants to remind him how old she is, where we were each at her age. But that's not going to do me any favors or him any good. Sure, I also want her home with us again, I miss having her around. She's one of my best friends. And sure, this storm has me worried about her and Marisol but...god, is a little baby it's cold outside loving really so out of the question???????

He talked about Seb today. About how he's become just like him and how he hopes it's not going to stay so bad between them forever like it was with him and his father. His anger with Seb would probably have been marked on his headstone had Seb not taken care of his own arrangements years and years prior. I hope so too. I hope they can work this out. I want my family back. I want his good days to stick around longer.

spring

I'm such a fucking idiot. My entire body aches. Who tries to tackle the tending of an entire garden all in one go? This dumbass. God, I never had to pee so bad before and I ended up failing as a mother and a wife when Rhys ordered takeout because I hadn't come in and it didn't look like I ever would. But I bet I'm going to have a boss garden this year so, they'll live the one day I didn't supermom it.

I have no idea what came over him or where his mind had been today but good god that was some great sex.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?.....

Happy Birthday. I hope someone remembered your favorite cake.

summer

It's like Drew knows something. Nothing is off per-say but it seems like something is heavy on his mind, a burden he's not letting me share and it’s not everything going on with Bianca. He’s been okay lately, everything’s been smooth but now, I don’t know. I know there's stuff he sometimes doesn't want to talk about and he tries to shield me from aspects of his job but I just hate seeing his shoulders and mind heavy.

Rhys made a face today that made him look exactly like Ted. It gets hard sometimes without Bee around because it's harder to remember how despite their birth parents, im her mother and Ted Roman has nothing to do with Andrew and my son. No Roman ever will, not while I'm alive.

I wanted to call Bianca a few times today, see if she wants to at least meet up somewhere. Maybe do lunch, get out together and just catch up. I see her at times but..it almost feels wrong, seeing her without Drew. It’s not fair to him and I hate feeling like I’m doing something horrid behind his back when all I’m doing is seeing my daughter. I can’t take much more of this. Something needs to give. I didn’t call. I just texted her a few funny photos of Scarlett. I know she loves having ammo again her little big sister.

Rhys is pulling away. I think it’s just his age, he doesn’t want to live under mom and dad anymore but I also feel like it might have something to do with his charade of a relationship with Liv. I think it’s starting to become more real than fake to him, when did that start? How did I miss the twinkling in his eye as he’s realizing he’s crushing on someone important? And Scarlett, she’s been seeing Elijah and I didn’t even know. We used to joke about boys together, me and my two girls. Cries of mom stop when I’d talk about their father, giggles in one of their bedrooms late into the night as we talked like girlfriends do. Me and my two best friends. God, I’ve been so focused on Andrew lately that my kids have reached that final stage in life where Mom is just...well, their mother. I think they don’t need me anymore, I checked out on them a little too much to be their friend. I wish Bianca was here. She would drag all of us out to mini-golf, make us watch some lame movies from their childhoods when we got back in. Fight with Scarlett over the last slice of pizza and nearly get a concussion in the process. I need my girl. My first girl, my baby girl who raised me as much as I helped Drew figure out how to raise her until Mason took over and I drifted out for a bit. I just need my daughter back. My happy little family. Back to the days where it was just Scarlett that was hard to find around the house. Please, someone give me back my family.

When you’re bitter over your youngest child’s incredible success because the anniversary of it just reminds you that your family has been shattered for nearly a year now. I’m sorry Scar. I wish I could have been more enthused as you roped us into rewatching the games. I just...I can’t face another year without Bianca around the house, getting into everything and ragging on her siblings. I just can’t. And I don’t think Drew can either. It’ll kill him.

Andrew and Rhys are going to London and he’s barred me from this trip. We haven’t been on a vacation in what feels like forever but I’m not going to push it. He’s so on edge lately, stressed out. I’ll let him go work and then maybe I can coax him into a holiday together. Just the two of us. I’ll promise to bring that swimsuit of mine he likes the best. And just give him that knowing wink when he says he doesn’t have a favorite swimsuit of mine. Just me and him. Like when we’d sneak kisses in the kitchen while Bianca and Rhys slept and Mason was banished over to Gia’s. At least throughout all this, even on the bad days, my husband still had a little love somewhere for me. Even when I’d turn my back on him in anger, he’d still lay there in bed next to me, an arm ready to hold me in close when I finally forgave him and rolled towards him. He’s going to London and maybe it’s better I don’t go there, I’ve always been hesitant in the past about it anyways. I’ll be waiting for him when he gets home. Because I’m Alyssa Nova, Andrew Nova’s wife. Mother to three kids, no matter how many live under the roof right now, I’ll always be that.

Bianca’s coming over while he’s gone. I think I need to finally do something about this all. I know what has to be done. I know what I need to do. I have to risk Andrew being upset with me but I just...this needs to end.

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chadnevett · 8 years ago

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Random Thoughts (March 18, 2017)

* It's been a week... Michelle and Ryan are out of town, so I've been taking the bus to and from work, which, given that we decided to buy a house on the complete other side of town has not been tons of fun. Plus, we've been short at work, so I've been working extra, both at the office and at home. Just... tired. Not trying to complain, because the week actually went much better than I had anticipated coming into it. Lots of things broke my way. Just saying that I'm tired and, as much as I miss my wife and son, the fact that they're not back until tomorrow night is lovely. Some time to rest up and relax. For now, that means just typing out these random thoughts...

* Last Sunday, I watched Captain America: Civil War and Star Trek Beyond (I still have Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice for later today). I enjoyed the latter much more than the former. As I said on Twitter, Star Trek Beyond was a dumb movie that didn't try to act like it wasn't; Civil War was a dumb movie that thought it was a smart movie. I mean, fuck, it was incredibly dumb. That's not a bad thing. That's what giant action movie tentpole flicks are. But, it's amazing to me how, over the course of the last few years, they managed to build to Civil War in such a way where the natural sympathies are completely reversed from the comics. I said it after Age of Ultron, but a possible weakness of these movies that no one probably thought about ahead of time is that actually seeing this level of destruction changes the way you view these heroes. They're destroying cities and killing people and, yeah, they didn't mean to, but... Plus, they weren't exactly setting up Cap as sympathetic when his main goal was making sure his old buddy who's a brainwashed killer isn't arrested -- and, then, at the end of the movie, basically locks him away himself... And everyone fights and changes sides and it's all over the dumbest shit. I guess it's a bit more realistic that way, because people are stupid, but it's just dumb to watch. Star Trek Beyond, on the other hand, started with the best premise ever: "Thank god this isn't a TV show anymore, because we're three movies in and already bored!" But, they stop being bored by riding motorcycles, which you can't do in space usually, so, good on them. I also dug how they didn't even bother to give the main villain a plausible story until there were, like, ten minutes left in the movie and, even then, it was just "His ship crashed and he can't war anymore and he's gone crazy."

* On the music front... three new albums for me over the past month or so: Prisoner by Ryan Adams, Solidarity by Bill & Joel Plaskett, and Wild Cat by Danko Jones. Prisoner is tops of that list for me. It probably says nothing good that, for a while there, "Breakdown" by my favourite song. Tough week that week, y'know? It's the sort of album that I need when I want something a bit quieter but with some rock -- whereas Wild Cat is what I need when I want something loud and kinda dumb in places. I mean, the two spots where I tend to sing along are the lines "Come over here, baby, and let me love you like man" (off "Success in Bed") and "Revolution... but then we make love!" (off "Revolution (But Then We Make Love)") I mean, it's Danko Jones... it's dumb cock rock with lyrics that you're sometimes embarrassed to sing along to, but it rocks. The Plaskett album is a collaboration between father (Bill) and son (Joel) and seems to follow a folky sort of root based on blue collar/socialist ideas. I'm a fan of Joel's and wasn't sure what I'd think of this one going into it, but it's rather good. "Blank Cheque" is the track of choice here. Good albums so far this year.

* A week or so ago, I finished reading 4 3 2 1 by Paul Auster. It's a big book, especially for Auster, who usually is more of a 150-300 pages kind of author (with the former being more common than the latter). It's, what 866 pages. It starts with a prologue chapter, of sorts, detailing the grandparents and parents of Archie Ferguson prior to his birth. Then, he's born, and we get four versions of him, depending on which town in the same region in New Jersey his parents pick to live. Every chapter goes through the cycle of each Ferguson in order as we see their differences and similarities and all of that. It's an interesting book that takes a while to really get into a groove with as it takes a while for all of the different details to sink in. You almost need a little chart to remind you which Ferguson is dating Amy, which Ferguson has her as a cousin by marriage, and which has her as a step-sister -- which is autobiographical Ferguson, which is reporter Ferguson, which is prose Ferguson, etc... Auster denies the autobiographical elements, but they're hard to miss. At least in broad ways. The details are no doubt fictional, but the broad experiences of growing up in New Jersey, longing for New York, going to Columbia, being a writer, going to Paris, etc. are all from his life. Even the types of writing the different Fergusons do seems to be the various types Auster has done over his life/career and each one given to one of the Fergusons. It's like he splintered himself to a degree and then added a lot of "What if...?" type stuff to it. Which is what a lot of fiction is anyway. For such a long book, I never really felt like it was a slog. A lot of critics harp on Auster's prose style, but it's such easy-going... writing that encourages you to keep reading. It's a pleasant experience. My only complaint is that I'm not sure any of the Fergusons would have made a strong novel on their own (maybe #3?). Much of the power each narrative has is in comparison/contrast to the others. I mean, that's the gimmick of the book, but I guess I would have liked it if they stood on their own a bit better. But, I could also see me waiting a decade or so and, then, reading each Ferguson narrative on its own to see how it stands up. (I've considered doing something similar with James Ellroy's Underworld USA books... just because...)

* Watched all three Major League movies this week, because baseball is coming. Conceptually, there's a lot that I like in all three. I could see a remake being done of the first one where it's not an owner tanking to move the team, but a front office tanking as part of the rebuild process -- and how the players react to that concept. The sequel looking at the effects of success and budding stardom on players was interesting. The part that really stuck out to me was when Willie Mays Hayes comes back form the offseason bulked up a bit and looking to be a power hitter instead of the leadoff guy and the manager just berates him about knowing his role and not deviating from it. We're supposed to side with the manager, but I found myself siding with Willie. Find another leadoff guy -- if a dude can hit for power, you don't hold that back. Especially because he later showed that he still had speed. That sounds like a guy who just added another dimension to his game.

* For reasons that only make sense to me, I'm in the middle of rewatching everything Randy Orton did in 2009 that I have on DVD. I will write about it. Shit, I should go watch some of that, because I haven't all week. With the extra time on the bus and working and being TIRED, I haven't wanted to do this... I think I left off with Ortin beating Triple H in the awful Three Stages of Hell match at the Bash. Onto the next night on Raw for a Gauntlet match against Evan Bourne, Jack Swagger, and Mark Henry...

#books #music #ryan adams #danko jones #joel plaskett #paul auster #movies #wrestling #randy orton #baseball #random thoughts

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thejoeydavis · 8 years ago

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Movies of 2016

(I’m posting this late but for archival purposes I’m putting it here)

Every January I do a list of all the movies I watched over the past year in chronological order and this,, as you can tell,, is that list. Each movie is rated out of 10 and rounded to the nearest whole number for simplicity and because I use the letterboxd app to log all my movies and it uses a 5 star system. These number ratings are meant to be as objective as possible, which means they’re judged on commonly agreed upon film conventions and what most critics and kinophiles would consider to be “good film,” as pretentious as that sounds. Really it just means I went with my gut feeling and then considered technical aspects and effectiveness on all of these. Paired with each are some thoughts to talk about what I liked or disliked, how it made me feel, etc. I’ll try to keep it short on as many as I can since there are so many. tl;dr: top 10 is at the bottom

Anomalisa – 7 – a predictably depressing Charlie Kaufman film about loneliness and being human—somewhat ironic considering it’s a stop motion film. Don’t let the puppets with 3d printed faces fool you; this is a very human movie with one of the most realistic sex scenes ever captured on film. Probably don’t see this with your mom like I did.

Inside Llewyn Davis – 8 – one of my favorite movies of the past few years and one of my top Coen bros movies. The charismatic but dickish performance by Oscar Isaac and beautiful folk soundtrack depicts a hard life for a musician in early 1960s New York that will make you feel better about yourself (unless you’re a musician).

Me, and Earl, and the Dying Girl – 8 – also one of my favorite movies of the past few years, this love letter to classic film by Alfonso Gomez-Rejon is a beautiful story of a popular kid in high school who befriends a girl with terminal cancer. Essentially Perks of Being a Wallflower meets criterion collection.

Project X – 7 – one of my guilty pleasure movies. Lots of fun.

The Hateful Eight (70mm) – 6 – I got to see this in 70mm complete with preshow overture and intermission and it was an incredible experience. I loved the movie but it’s not Tarantino’s best by any stretch. Note the huge disparity in rating from last year when I gave it a 9.2. This film is not a 9.2.

The Forest – 3 – in this movie Natalie Dormer goes to the Japanese suicide forest to search for her sister who went missing. Suicide is a very apt theme here considering how heavily I considered ending my life during this movie. Truly awful.

Carol – 6 – one of those movies that I know is good but I just didn’t enjoy. It’s about Rooney Mara and Cate Blanchett as they try to hide their forbidden romantic relationship in 1950s New York. Long, slow, but very pretty and touching, I’d recommend it if you like character driven stories—especially ones about LGBT issues because it’s very good in that regard.

Hail, Caesar – 7 – underrated mystery film by the Coen’s about old Hollywood and communists. More along the lines of the Big Lebowski than No Country For Old Men. Just a really fun movie with a great sense of world building that makes 1930s Hollywood really come alive.

Deadpool – 7 – pretty funny and exactly the kind of movie Ryan Reynolds and fans wanted. Probably the only good Marvel movie made by Fox.

The Witch – 8 – a visceral and disturbing film about a cursed life in 1600s New England, The Witch (stylized as The VVitch) is one of the best horror movies I’ve ever seen. Be warned though, it’s the definition of slow burn horror so you’ll probably dislike it if you’re used to modern horror films.

10 Cloverfield Lane – 7 – one of the big surprises of the year and also one of the most thrilling, Mary Elizabeth Winstead and John Goodman both give excellent performances. It’s basically a bottle episode completely unrelated to the first film. People have criticized Winstead’s character for her actions at the end but it completes her character arc perfectly so it definitely works.

Room – 8 – beautiful film. Somewhat overrated.

Brooklyn – 8 – one of my favorites from 2015 and immensely enjoyable from start to finish. This story of an Irish girl moving to Brooklyn shows that the conflict doesn’t have to be high stakes for it to be compelling.

Batman v Superman – 4 – wow surprise surprise, Zack Snyder made another shit movie. Awful film full of clichés and nonsensical dialogue, bizarre editing, and the incredibly moronic decision to try and kickstart an entire cinematic universe in a dreadfully painful 2+ hour runtime. This movie sucks and DC needs to either hire some competent scriptwriters and directors or just give up already.

Zootopia – 7 – ah the quintessential furry movie 2016. I really enjoyed this and it has great rewatch value. One of the most beautifully animated movies of the year.

Midnight Special – 6 – I had no expectations for this movie and I was pleasantly surprised by it, although somewhat let down by the ending. It’s an interesting story about a kid with unknown supernatural powers being smuggled to a specific coordinates where he says something will happen. The mystery unfolds throughout the run time and there are some pretty cool scenes. Fun sci-fi to rent maybe.

Midnight in Paris – 7 – 1920s Paris is arguably one of the best eras to be alive in and Woody Allen captures the magic of the period well. As with most modern Woody Allen films it’s pretty cheesy—especially the modern day scenes—but the scenes that take place in the 1920s with F Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Gertrude Stein, and Picasso are truly a delight. One of my favorite movies from 2011.

Captain America Civil War – 7 – not bad but much worse than Winter Soldier. It was enjoyable at least and miles ahead of Avengers 2.

Green Room – 8 – a disturbing, white-knuckle rollercoaster of a film that follows a punk band as they fight off a bar full of alt-righ—I mean neo-nazis. An absolute must-see.

The Nice Guys – 7 – fun from start to finish, Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe give two funny and over the top performances in this 1970s period film about two detectives who get caught up in a case that’s way over their heads. Definite recommendation. Crowe’s performance in the first third/half or so is very melodramatic and over the top cool-guy but I believe it was intended to be tongue in cheek so don’t let it throw you.

The Jungle Book – 6 – not bad.

Raiders of the Lost Ark – 9 – a near perfect movie and one of, if not the best action movie of all time.

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Make Happy – 8 – Bo Burnham tweeted about a special premiere screening of his new special back in March so I bought tickets and went with Andrew to see it. We went to the Largo in West Hollywood and were treated to a short comedy show and the grand premiere of Make Happy, Bo’s last one-man show for the foreseeable future. It was an incredible experience.

The World of Tomorrow – 8 – it’s only 16 minutes and it’s by Don Herzfeldt—what’s not to love? Get ready for an existential crisis.

The Conjuring 2 – 7 – pretty spooky in some parts with a cool little i spy game you can play with the name of the ghost demon lady. Not as good as the first.

Finding Dory – 7 – older Pixar films have a certain level of charm that all their films post-Toy Story 3 (barring Monsters University) don’t seem to have and this is no exception. It was very enjoyable but it just felt like it doesn’t have the magic that the old ones have.

The Shallows – 4 – the amount of praise this movie received was deadass baffling. This is one of the worst movies I’ve seen this year and I don’t see how so many people missed the cliché dialogue and plot, ridiculous shark cgi, exploitative ass shots, and absolutely insane and unrealistic attempts to kill the shark. Critics and audiences comparing this to Jaws is an insult to not only Spielberg, but also the art of filmmaking itself.

Frances Ha – 9 – one of my favorite movies of all time, this black and white indie film by Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig is a cozy tale of solipsistic loneliness, friendship, and following your dreams. It’s depressing, but in a very relatable and reassuring way. Greta Gerwig as the New York dancer Frances is so believable that seeing her in other roles feels almost disingenuous. Honestly if you watch anything on this list you should watch this first, foremost and as soon as possible. It’s on netflix!

Mistress America – 7 – another one by Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig and it was actually my introduction to their work. I loved this movie when I first saw it but it pales in comparison to Frances. Still a great movie with wonderful acting and snappy as hell dialogue. Fun fact: Noah Baumbach worked with Wes Anderson in the past and it shows here, especially in the dialogue.

The Neon Demon – 8 – one of the most polarizing films of the year but a definite return to form by the near infamous Nicolas Winding Refn. The success of the 2011 masterpiece Drive was not good for Refn’s ego apparently as he followed it up with the nauseatingly self-indulgent Only God Forgives. Thank goodness he was able to find a balance between pure art film and accessible indie film with the Neon Demon. It’s by no means very accessible but the acting, especially from the main girls and a sleazy Keanu Reeves, is great and the visuals are incredibly surreal and v e r y v e r y n e o n . Recommend if you like artsy films with lots of sex and blood.

Back to the Future – 10 – a textbook example of what a perfect movie looks like.

It Follows – 8 – nothing but love for this creepy and atmospheric 2015 horror/suspense film about the end of childhood and the impending dread of adulthood. Really it’s about a supernatural shape shifting thing with its “rule” being that acts like an std being passed down through sexual partners. If the thing catches you, it then goes after the previous person in the chain and so on, so the only way to save yourself is to pass it on or run endlessly in futility. Please do see this it’s great.

The Secret Life of Pets – 6 – a disappointment but Louis CK as a dog was fun to see.

Hush – 5 – not very good Netflix horror movie about a guy terrorizing a deaf lady at her home in the woods for some reason.

Snatch – 6 – I suppose if I were more familiar with Guy Ritchie’s work I would’ve enjoyed it more but it looks like it was shot by a Tarantino wannabe edgelord and edited in windows moviemaker. Still entertaining though.

Horace and Pete – 10 – Horace and Pete is a dramedy web series multi-camera sitcom written, directed, and produced by Louis CK and it’s the single best serial program I’ve ever seen. This is a true masterpiece in every sense and the writing and acting is some of the best in a serial program. It was so good that I actually could not enjoy anything else for days after because everything paled in comparison. For example, I watched Stranger Things the day after I finished this and I had to stop watching three episodes in because it was completely and utterly awful compared to Horace and Pete. The quality of writing is unbelievable and I laughed and cried at many many points. Louis CK, Steve Buscemi, Edie Falco, and Alan Alda, bring career defining performances to the small screen and I cannot wait to watch it again—although I’m not sure I’m prepared for it.

Breathless (1960) – 7 – one of the most defining films of the French New Wave, this film by Jean Luc-Godard is a love story shot in some of the most unconventional ways I’ve seen in a film. It’s not surreal or weird but it certainly is interesting. Worth a watch if you like the cinematography of Wes Anderson, Woody Allen, or Louis CK—although it’s a much more saturated French New Wave style since all those styles are derivative of this. Has some of the most intriguing and innovative tracking/dolly shots I’ve ever seen. In fact, at one point two characters are walking down the street but they couldn’t afford a dolly for the tracking shot, so they had the cameraman sit in a wheelchair and film while someone pulled him backwards to make the shot. Really that’s what French New Wave is all about: innovating and using filmmaking techniques that were unprecedented at the time.

Star Trek Beyond – 6 – a really fun return to the franchise that actually felt somewhat like a Star Trek film—unlike that last one. It’s still just an action movie franchise now but it’s just a real good time.

Lights Out – 3 – again, the praise this film received was COMPLETELY unwarranted and totally baffling. This movie blows and is so saturated with clichés that I can’t imagine liking this film. don’t waste ur time.

Mike & Dave Need Wedding Dates – 5 – actually hilarious movie. Really dumb but so goddamn funny. Zach Efron and Adam Devine are a great duo. Has arguably the best exchange about fisting in the history of film.

Café Society – 6 – a pretty good modern Woody Allen film. Much better than his last two, Irrational Man and Magic in the Moonlight. It’s nice to see a film from Woody Allen that isn’t about a much older man falling in love with a much younger woman.

Suicide Squad – 2 – “roses are red/there is no god/my favorite movie?/suicide squad.” – Gideon Ondap deadass one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I wrote a 10 page essay on this after it came out but basically the editing is jarring enough to induce brain trauma, the acting is atrocious, and the script is objectively bad. A complete and utter failure of a film. The name is a warning.

The Room – 1 – another one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen yet 1000x more enjoyable than Suicide Squad. Tommy Wisseau is a genius and this is his magnum opus. Required viewing. Also I must say that a Suicide Squad/The Room double feature makes for one of the funniest nights of life.

Scott Pilgrim vs The World – 8 – honestly one of my favorite movies. A super well done adaptation directed by Edgar Wright, this film is able to stand independently next to the already spectacular Scott Pilgrim graphic novel series. The music is incredible. It never gets old.

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Sausage Party – 5 – obscene, racist, vulgar, and dumb as hell with a giant food orgy at one point. Still laughed at much of it.

Captain Fantastic – 8 – a dad raising his kids to survive in the wilderness of Washington must bring them into society to attend their dead mother’s funeral. A big surprise and one of the most enjoyable movies I saw this year.

Don’t Think Twice – 8 – Mike Birbiglia has always been one of my favorite comedians because his stories were so heartwarming, wholesome, and packed to the brim with jokes that would reward you on multiple viewings or listens. Don’t Think Twice is Mike’s second movie I believe, and it’s about an improv group in Brooklyn having fun doing their craft while trying to make a life for themselves. When you’re a comedian/improviser,, your friends are too, but if one of you actually gets a big break then it’s that person’s break and no one else’s. It causes a lot of tension between performers because even though they’re all friends, they’re still actively competing in a highly sought after profession. Judd Apatow came out after he saw the movie and said how accurately it depicts the life of comedy performers. It’s a really depressing (in a relatable way) and realistic take on the competitive world of improv and deals with friendship, comedy, and how cruel life can really be. Beautiful movie.

American Beauty – 8 – really did not like this the first time but warmed up to it on the second viewing and it really shines despite many dated aspects.

Antz – 6 – woody allen as a ant oy vey

Back to the Future II – 5 – pretty bad sequel until he goes back to 1955. Worse than the third tbh

Everybody Wants Some!! – 7 – even after the abortion that was Boyhood I didn’t give up on Richard Linklater and I’m glad I didn’t. This spiritual sequel to Dazed and Confused (but in the 80s this time!) was a ton of fun.

Clapping for the Wrong Reasons – 8 – this short film written by Donald Glover and directed by Hiro Murai is about a surreal day in the life of The Boy, a character Donald Glover created as the speaker of his Because the Internet album (his magnum opus imo). Hot take: Chance v Bino push up contest contender for best film scene ever.

Kubo and the Two Strings – 7 – the most beautiful disappointment of the year. The incredible stop motion animation is unfortunately much more enjoyable than the underwhelming story. Not as good as Coraline.

Hell or High Water – 8 – the director of photography from Sicario returns for this modern western about two brothers who rob the banks that screwed over their mother. Great performances from Jeff Bridges, Ben Foster, and Chris Pine.

Don’t Breathe – 7 – this horror film about three thieves who break into an old blind man’s house borders on exploitation film towards the end. Not that bad.

Blair Witch – 6 – not as bad as everyone said it was. It’s a soft reboot of 99’s Blair Witch Project but with a modern horror twist—which means it relies mainly on jump scares and unnecessary use of found footage tropes rather than atmosphere building and genuine terror. I still thoroughly enjoyed it and thought the last 15 minutes or so were really spooky. The creature design was really great and the way time moved was an interesting horror device. If you liked the first one but were bored by it then you’ll probably like this one because it moves a bit faster although you might be bored by it too. Oh but side note: that drone scene was fucking stupid.

Over The Garden Wall – 10 – this 10 episode cartoon network animated miniseries aired in the fall of 2014 and follows two boys as they wander through the woods to find their way back home. It stars Elijah Wood, Christopher Lloyd, Melanie Lynskey, John Cleese, Tom Lennon, and Tim Curry among others. The story itself is inspired by Dante Alighieri’s Inferno and the music is inspired by early 20th century Americana folk music. It’s literally the single most charming thing I’ve ever seen and it’s an absolute MUST SEE.

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Doctor Strange – 7 – not much to say about this one but I liked it. The visuals were top notch and although Dr Strange is basically just Tony Stark pt 2, it makes sense considering how much lesser of a role Stark will play in later movies. I’m really excited for the new Thor movie now.

The Purge Election Year – 4 – each Purge movie is better than the last and this third installment is still a 4. That’s pretty much all there is to say. There are some legitimately hilarious parts in this though—all unintentional.

O Brother, Where Art Thou? – 7 – another silly Coen film and one of their most accessible. Good film based on the Odyssey.

Arrival – 9 – Dennis Villeneuve is quickly becoming one of my favorite directors after last year’s Sicario and now 2016’s Arrival. This is a film about humanity, the complete frivolity of our problems, and how staying divided will be our undoing. The cinematography is breathtaking, the score is great (much of it follows the circle of 5ths, which will make sense after watching), the acting is good, and the film just has a beautiful sense of scope to it. I encourage you to watch this and DON’T WATCH ANY TRAILERS OR READ ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I assure you; you’ll want to go into this as blind as possible (and you should never watch trailers anyway they literally ruin films). In Trump’s America this movie is even more important so please I urge you to watch this.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them – 5 – the Phantom Menace of the Harry Potter universe, Fantastic Beasts has so much exposition and forced world building that anyone who hasn’t seen the first 8 hp films will probably have a tough time figuring out what’s going on. The opening sequence is literally just a montage of newspaper headlines saying how terrible this dark wizard is, which was done in harry potter but over the span of roughly 3 movies rather than 1 minute. Overall positives: the creature designs were fun, Jacob was rad, the humor was effective, the cgi wasn’t /that/ bad, newt’s hair was wavy af (and he was a hufflepuff, which I appreciate), and the costumes may get an Oscar nomination. As for the cons: so much panning, craning, and tracking that I could barely see what was going on due to low framerate, the first 10-15 minutes are a suicide squad level editing disaster, the pacing was weird at times, they revealed who the main antagonist was in his actual first scene, too many plotlines interweaved, inexcusably bad framing in a few shots, and the ending was a little bit Chekhov’s gun but was pretty much deus ex machina. This just didn’t feel as magical as the harry potter films and, like star wars 7, it feels like a failed attempt to recapture what made people love the franchise in the first place. It was a very flawed film but I still enjoyed it and will watch it again.

Moana – 6 – VERY overrated but still good. How a lot of people felt about Frozen is how I feel about this movie. The animation was incredible, the voice acting was great, the songs were good (although not nearly as catchy or memorable as Frozen, save for Shiny) and it ends up being another Tangled, a movie I enjoyed but will forget about very soon—hell I’ve already forgotten about it. Just think about how long Frozen was a thing. People were talking about Frozen for months after and I haven’t seen anyone mention Moana since its opening weekend. Overall a huge disappointment. Zootopia was the far superior animated feature this year.

The Handmaiden – 8 – my first Park Chan-wook film and I loved it ! This film is fucking enigma for the first half and then as soon as one detail is revealed it suddenly opens up and becomes an incredible psychological thriller. I honestly was not enjoying this film for the first act or so because of how seemingly meaningless it was but it really shaped up to be one of my favorites of the year. Never before have I experienced a film that made me 180 on opinion during the course of its runtime. Be warned: don’t see this with your parents or anyone you would feel awkward watching porn with because this shit is basically pornography at MANY points during the film. I don’t know if my friend and his brother have forgiven me yet.

Unedited Footage of a Bear – 8 – there’s a tl;dr at the bottom of this one because it’s a little long and expository. I was watching an idubbbz video (https://youtu.be/5Bs45yITIt0) back in November and many criticized how unfunny and bizarre it was compared to his other content. People started to speculate that he was doing a metafictional series about his channel along the lines of alantutorial (https://www.youtube.com/user/alantutorial), a channel in which performance artist Alan Resnick plays a fictionalized version of himself who is depicted as a mentally ill young man obsessed with making tutorial videos. This alantutorial series is a commentary on poorly made tutorial videos that flood youtube, as well as social media in general and the overwhelming desire for likes, favorites, going viral, etc. after discovering Alan Resnick and watching all his videos I started to seek out his other content and I found this short film that aired as part of Adult Swim’s infomercial slot at 4 a.m. This may sound familiar to some as the timeslot for Too Many Cooks, which went viral. This short film, titled Unedited Footage of a Bear, can be watched here: https://youtu.be/2gMjJNGg9Z8 and parodies those commercials you’ll often see on tv about drugs that are peddled to mentally ill people without proper testing. This film depicts addiction as a force that can and will ruin your life, your family’s life, and will kill you if left unchecked. There’s an explanation you can watch here: https://youtu.be/_2e5ia9j0TA that explains it really well and is worth the watch. tl;dr: cool 10-minute short horror film about addiction by performance artist Alan Resnick – check it out.

Twin Peaks (Pilot) – 8 – it was good

This House Has People In It – 8 – hey look another Alan Resnick short film. you can watch it here: https://youtu.be/x-pj8OtyO2I and the attempted explanation is here: https://youtu.be/mjBTAnCUbZc because this one is pretty complicated compared to footage of a bear. also worth the watch simply for the L O R E

No Country For Old Men – 10 – one of the best movies of this century hands down. not sure if I rate it quite as high as There Will Be Blood though, which came out the same year. The Coen’s crowning achievement (although you could argue that title belongs to The Big Lebowski for reasons)

Moonlight – 9 – a very heavy coming of age film about a young boy living in the south who attempts to find himself while growing up in an incredibly unforgiving environment. beautiful film and I’m excited to see it again. very very important film for LGBT issues.

Nocturnal Animals – 8 – one of the biggest surprises this year. I LOVED this movie and it stayed with me for days. as soon as it started I made a mental note that I’d have to really pay attention to everything because I figured it would be heavy with metaphor and symbolism and boi was I right about that. Amy Adams and Jake Gyllenhaal give great performances and I honestly can’t tell you the last time I got so emotionally invested in a film. people have criticized Adams’ performance as melodramatic and cold, which is the point because she’s not supposed to be likeable. the narrative structure is refreshing and fun to piece together and the visuals were pretty alright. my favorite part of this movie was piecing together all the metaphors (of which there are many) and figuring out what the events of the Nocturnal Animals manuscript (in the film) means for the characters. It’s been a very polarizing film apparently, which surprised me since it doesn’t really try to be anything more than it is. It definitely rewards close observation but I can’t guarantee everyone will like this one. I won’t say more because going into it blind is the best way but I do recommend it. Tense, emotional, gripping, funny. It’s good.

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Star Wars Rogue One – 8 – I really enjoyed this. I probably don’t need to say much because it’s star wars but this was the best star wars film since Empire Strikes Back in my opinion (although episode III wasn’t that bad). the characters were a little flat, some of the humor was out of place, and the first 30 minutes had bad pacing, but overall it was great. the action in this one was insane and I’m so happy that we finally got to see a proper space battle (and holy shit is it a good one). this has one of my favorite moments of the entire series and it actually feels like a star wars movie unlike episode VII.

La La Land – 10 – I’m at a loss for words honestly. This movie is so fucking good. The soundtrack is incredible, the choreography is awesome, the cinematography is BEAUTIFUL, and the performances are wonderful. I could keep thinking of adjectives or I could just tell you to go see this movie as soon as you can. Best movie of the year hands down. LA has never looked so fucking good OH MAN please go see this movie you’ll surely regret it if you don’t. OH and we went to see this in the Vista Theater in LA, which was a once in a lifetime experience. See this in the most old-Hollywood theater you can because it actually improves it if that’s possible. Now there are some flaws, mainly in third act pacing, but it’s so enjoyable that it doesn’t matter.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off – 10 – it’s a classic and could be considered a perfect film. not much to say but it’s definitely one of my favorites of all time. never gets old.

Home Alone – 8 – this was the first time I watched Home Alone and I liked it.

Assassin’s Creed – 6 – the neckbeard-y guy doing anime runs up and down the stairs of the theatre behind us really set the tone for this movie. I didn’t hate it but it was pretty dreary and I feel like almost nothing happened. I don’t think it translates to the screen well but it did capture the feel of the games, or at least the first one. Let’s just say after seeing this I went on a mission to watch at least one more movie so it wouldn’t be my last of the year.

Swiss Army Man – 7 – the praise for this movie was a bit unwarranted. It’s really silly and touching but it wasn’t the modern masterpiece that everyone was saying it was. maybe I missed something but the corpse of Daniel Radcliffe farting is only tolerable and funny for so long. I will say that this is one of the most unique movies I’ve ever seen, so I’ll give it props for that, and the soundtrack was actually incredible. I enjoyed it very much and need to watch it again but it was alright.

Come Together – 8 – an H&M short film by Wes Anderson that can be watched here: https://youtu.be/VDinoNRC49c . It was cute and I guess it’ll hold me over until Isle of Dogs, which comes out in 2018 (no it won’t)

The Lobster – 8 – this absurd commentary on relationships and their influence on society is just bizarre and has a wonderfully dry performance from Colin Farrell and, well, every other actor too. this film is just crazy and I really need to watch it again. Expect it to be on my next year’s list as well. TOP TEN RELEASED IN 2016 xxx 10 – The Nice Guys

9 – Hell or High Water

8 – The Handmaiden

7 – Don’t Think Twice

6 – The Witch

5 – Moonlight

4 – Nocturnal Animals

3 – Green Room

2 – Arrival

1 – La La Land honorable mentions: Captain Fantastic, Horace and Pete, The Neon Demon, Make Happy recommendations: Frances Ha, Mistress America, Over the Garden Wall, The World of Tomorrow, Midnight in Paris, Me, and Earl, and the Dying Girl, The Lobster and finally the award for worst movie of the year goes to ,,,,, SUICIDE SQUAD duh. In 2016 I watched 77 movies, which is terrible considering I watched 124 last year and 92 in 2014. That gap from September to November really killed me in that regard and hopefully it won’t happen again or for as long next time. Overall this was actually a pretty weak year for movies it seems. Looking at my top of the year list, it looks significantly weaker than last year’s which had The Revenant, It Follows, Me and Earl and the Dying Girl, Sicario, and Brooklyn. If anyone has questions or suggestions about anything I’d love to have a discussion so feel free. Here’s to another year of great movies. also if you’d like to follow me on twitter @thejoeydavis please do because I’m a huge slut for likes and I desperately want and need your approval. thanks for reading

#movies of 2016 #joey davis #joseph davis

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