#god there is just something so sad and poetic about this like 15 seconds of screen time

[lululeighsworld]

i really do be thinking about this moment from the end of s2 where hannah curls up with claude's corpse a completely unhealthy amount

[musingsofaperpetualdaydreamer]

The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology first listen 🎧🪻✨

More than 15 years later wow it still feels so magical to listen to a brand new album. The joy, the excitement, the nervousness. I mark chapters of my life with her albums, they always seem to arrive with perfect timing. Is it fate or delusion? Probably the later, obviously she has no idea who I am. Idk it feels nice to delude myself now and again that we’re all journeying through this time together in some connectedness (is that a word?). It feels sort of nostalgic in some ways, from being just a child to now an adult, it’s like Sesame Street that grows up with you. Not a great analogy but what I mean to say is it holds a special place to me.

This album, this anthology feels much like we’ve been handed her diary, filled with sticky notes bound together, it’s so raw but so expertly crafted, messy feelings but the penmanship is exquisite. From her debut album, it’s always been poetry. She transports you to her world. What a journey, what a joy, what a gift.

I like to capture my first thoughts of each song in my silly chicken scratching written notes. Most of it makes no sense. It feels like a nice silly tradition and it’s fun to look back on. So here goes:

Fortnight

- It’s giving moody 1989??? Excuse me miss?!!! Ohhh she knows. Preach bye time to cry

The tortured poets department

- Ooooh we’re in an 80s dreamscape. Yes yes yes. Who’s gonna love you but me? A fluffy dreamland Patty smith? Insert wait I understood the reference meme. Ooooh it’s lovely. I am sad

My boy only breaks his favourite toys

- excuse me?? I’m shattered byyyyyeee. I’ll tell you that he runs because he loves me?? You should’ve see him when he first saw me? Once I fix me he’s gonna miss me??? Ladies and gents welcome to afternoon tea on the menu SCALDING hot queen’s special. Maybe I’m a crumpled up paper on the floor. Maybe I am no more.

Down Bad

- well damn she’s said the quiet parts out loud again. Oh smokes time to dissapear into this galaxy smoky cloud of night. One of us. One of us. One of us.

So long London

- literally standing by the river in the rain. May as well cry my damn eyes out . Darn it blondie. Poetic destruction. Crying my eyes out by the water like I’m in made in Chelsea. Darn.

But daddy I love him

- a folklore ode? Little house on the prairie Princess revolution. Serve it up serve it up I’m ready to be stuffed like a winter pig. A grown up love story. It’s ridiculous and maybe wise eyes know too well it’s chockablock of red flags but darn I’m a cheesin’ this is so cute.

Fresh out the slammer

- oh it’s like August but dark. August dark afternoon blistering hot and the storm is about to come.

Florida!!! Ft Florence and the machine

-ExXUSE MEEEEEEEeE?????!?!!?teee heee heee heeee. Your home’s really only a town you’re a guest in??? Sorry can’t speak my jaw has shattered. Pls pls. Palm tree pls.

Guilty as sin?

- A false God dreamy haze confessional? With sprinkle of Gold Rush??? I am a melted.

Who’s afraid of little old me?

- The who’s who of who’s that is poised for the attack? But my bare hands paved their path, you don’t get to tell me what’s sad? - I AM CHOKED. Silenced mute. Ohhhh miss blondie is on BUSINESS. TELL THEM SWEETIE. Oh my heart 💔

I can fix him (No really I can).

- Oooh moody blues preaching with generous dash of delusion? Ah yes my routine favourite beverage. I am drinking this up like air. Drunk on false hope? One of us. One of us. One of us.

Loml

- You Holy Ghost you told me I’m the love of your life. Oh no I’m crying again. Back to crumpled paper rocking back and forth on the floor in a ball it is. It’s so pretty yet, shattering. Devastating. I wish I could unrecall how we almost had it all. Dancing phantoms on the terrace, are they second hand embarrassed that I can’t get out of bed ‘cause something counterfit is dead? Yep that’ll do it.

I can do it with a broken heart?

- Oh damn. Honey nooooo. Oh myyyy. Oh I’m in this picture and I don’t like it. It’s so artfully done, so upbeat and Poppy yet so hauntingly sad. Yes that’s the point but it’s sooo well done. Oh sweetie. I can’t stop laughing it’s not funny, it’s just you too pumpkin. I wanna hug her and tell her it’ll be fine. Ok ok.

The smallest man who ever lived

- Oh I’m speechless. And I don’t even want you back, I just want to know, if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal. The bridge? Excuse me while I sink to the bottom of the darkest ocean.

The alchemy

- Oooh it’s so cute and dreamy. I’m beaming you can hear her smile when she sings.

Clara bow

- Oooh it’s the lucky one grown up. The bridge is a masterpiece. It’s hell on earth to be heavenly, thems the breaks it don’t come gently. She knows she’s a star, The never ending cyclical wheel of stardom, even the shiniest, ends with a new star born in its shadow.

The black dog

- Oh No no no I Am 1 billion percent destroyed. Byeeeee

Imgonnagetyouback

- Oooh blondie is on the prowl and what can I do but bop like the well stuffed clown I am. Insert meme of cat bopping their head.

The albatross

- Banjo? Haunting country cautionary tale? - scathing review of one’s reputation, worst traits but underneath it all is just vulnerability. Caged for ‘monstrosity’ but being so vulnerable and just wanting to be freed loved. The ‘monster’ trying to protect the one they love from the things that will come for them too? Do they even realise it? Do they care? Wow it’s poetically beautiful.

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

- Oh it’s sad. If you wanna break my cold cold heart, just say I loved you the way that you were? Oh myyy. Replaying old moments, looking for clues wondering if it can all have a new ending? Wow.

How did it end?

- Wow the invasiveness of empathy of the innate curiosity of wanting to know, so you can something comforting, learn from it but you forget how it can be the worst part, having to offer up a ‘post mortem’ to all when you’ve barely even processed its ended yourself. The cyclical nature of it happening every time like it’s just a formal process we’ve come to accept even though it haunts us all. Ironically as we listen to this. Wow so beautifully done.

So high school

- I wanna find you in a crowd just to hide from you, and in a blink of a crinkling eye, I’m sinking, our fingers entertwined. Awww the sort of bubblegum silly feels you roll your eyes but you have the biggest smile on your face. It’s soo cute. You know how to call, I know Aristotle.

I hate it here

- Oooooh tell me something awful like you’re a poet trapped inside the body of a finance guy. One of us. One of us.

ThanK you aIMee

- Oh my goodness it’s grown up mean but she made it out. It’s so sad but I’m beaming. I say that’s my baby and I’m proud. Andrea? Oh thank you next. Not the kid. I’m cackling.

I look in people’s windows

- Oh it’s haunted death by a thousand cuts glimmering of desperate false hope. It’s lovely.

The prophecy

- Oh. Damn yep that’ll do it. Right in the ticker. Damn. It feels very much like am I doomed to always be the one before the one? Wow. Just yeah.

Cassandra

- I don’t know why but this makes think of safe and sound. Like the woman that was there when everything burned around them. She’s telling her side. Everyone’s there to watch you burn, screaming your guilt but silent when they’re wrong? If that ain’t the truth miss. Oh wow. Shes beautifully captured such a dark chapter.

Peter

- Oh wow it’s beautiful. It’s like post cardigan and she’s all grown up. 'Cause love's never lost when perspective is earned. But the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light. Oh wow it’s wow.

The Bolter

- Oh we must stop meeting like this but it always ends with a town car speeding. Wowowow. It feels like the time she fell through the ice, then came out alive. Oh my a BEAUTY.

Robin

- Oh it’s so pretty. It’s like never grow up, safe and sound and seven swirled together. Wow. It’s like she’s talking to her child but then also herself in the past and present, like from an older perspective? Ohhh it’s beautiful. Why does this make me think of coraline’s real mother watching her sleep? I wanna cry.

The manuscript

- Wow god it’s beautiful. Another time travel song. You keep revisiting past in your mind and you gain perspective and then you realise you aren’t that version of you that lived it anymore. You can feel it still, not as deeply perhaps but you’re disconnected from thinking the way you did at that time or after. Is sobering and haunting. The healing. Wow wow wow.

@taylorswift thank you my love 💕

[devotedtoafrozenheart]

Wasted Times. Chapter two.

Loki x female! reader

Summary: With literally no-one looking his way, it was just too easy for Loki to grab onto the tesseract, and also you, so he was able to transport away from the collapsing Tony Stark and everyone else in the stupid Avengers tower. Doing this, having messed up a so-called 'sacred' timeline, Loki lands himself in the TVA, and as he seized your arm, taking you down with him, you also end up there. Stuck with the raving, handsome god of mischief. At first observation, you genuinely thought he was a sadist. But (time?) with him reveals something so much more. For one thing, he's awfully sad and poetic, and he's not as evil as he looks.......

A/N: Second chapter lmao. The first part got 17 notes which is kinda good considering I hadn't posted anything before. Mobius is a father figure character. Again, I'm new here, if you enjoy this please leave a like!!

BIG trigger warning: This contains semi-graphic mentions of self-harm for the reader. It's not too descriptive (flashback) but pleaseee be careful of reading, it's at the end of the chapter. If you ever need support, pleasee reach out to someone. Pleasee take caution here.

You and Loki had gotten your tickets processed.

It hadn’t taken very long, but who the heck knew what the concept of time meant in this place. You still really hadn’t accepted that this was your life now, but alas, after the ticket-processing B-15 had lead the two of you to a courtroom with creepy orange paintings on both sides of the walls.

Paintings of these so called ‘time-keepers.’

Sounded fake, but you knew now that it was probably true.

Loki had gone first, up to the podium, to the judge, who was a very stern-looking, sharp-edged woman. She had obviously noticed you, but Loki was getting grilled first. Good on him. “Loki Laufyeson. Variant L1130, codename Loki Laufyeson, charged with sequence violation 7-20-89. Please step up to the podium. How do you plead?”

Loki audibly scoffed, and you smiled a little bit, he wasn’t going down without some snark in is system.

“Ma’am, a God doesn’t plead.”

“Are you guilty or not guilty sir?” The woman was not very pleased, sitting up in her royal spot. “Guilty of being the god of mischief, yes. Guilty of finding all of this incredibly tedious, yes. Guilty of a ‘crime against the sacred timeline’? Absolutely not you have the wrong person.” “Oh? And who do you think we should have?”

Loki actually turned around and looked at you, you cut him a hideous look, none of this was even remotely your fault.

“I suspect the Avengers. I came into possession of the Tesseract because they travelled through time, no doubt in a last-ditch effort to stave off my ascent into God King.”

“That’s quite an accusation.”

“Oh trust me, you could smell the cologne of two Tony Starks.” “We’re not here to talk about the Avengers. What they did was supposed to happen. You escaping was not.” You then noticed a handsome suit-wearing guy enter into the courtroom, with greying hair and a thin, barely visible moustache. He stared at you for a second, like he easily recognised you, even though you had never ever seen him before in your life.

“You’re Y/N.” He whispered, which shocked you, because it was so out of the blue, because you had never even met this man before, yet alone talked to him.

“What! How do you know my name?” “I’ve met you before. You’re always so nice.”

“Huh? What does that mean? I’ve never seen you.” But the man simply shook his head, sitting down in one of the rows. Loki was still auguring his case, so you turned your confused attention back to the front of the room. “I’m guilty, of this.” Loki held out his arms as you always did when you used your telekinesis power.

Nothing happened.

“Hang on… Just a sec.” Loki hit the podium in evident frustration, nothing was going right for him. It almost made you laugh. “What’s happening?” “He’s trying to use his powers, ma’am.” “Magic powers are nothing in the TVA, Mr. Laufyeson. The court finds you guilty, and I order you to be reset!” The time cops came up to Loki, immediately seizing him by the arms.

You stared in utter horror, but Loki fought back, and you were signalled to go to the podium. Now, it was your time to die. “You ridiculous bearcats will NOT determine how my story ends! You have NO idea what I’m capable of!!” You then stood on the podium, almost in tears at the sheer ruthlessness of this situation.

They hadn’t even really given him a chance to talk.

If Loki was going to be ‘reset’, well, in this situation it didn’t really warrant a good ending for you either. “I think I know what’s he capable of.” The grey-haired silver fox commented that dryly, standing up off his seat. “Alright. But first, this case.” The guy, for no reason, gave you this oddly reassuring nod, maybe he could vouch for your safety.

“Y/N Y/L/N. Variant E-9125. Charged with sequence violation 7-20-88. How do you plead?”

“Um. Uh. Well. Ok. I’m only here because of Loki. Trust this, this was not my fault. I shouldn’t be guilty because I didn’t want this to happen! Not my fault at all. But, if you have to kill him, just kill me too. Just kill me anyway. It would be unfair to, um, delete him, but not delete me as well.” “Miss Y/N, you actually want us to prune you along with this evil criminal???”

You blinked up at the lady, not even knowing what to say. Just a few hours ago, your mind had been fevered, fighting off the chitauri. Now you were in a brutal, un-forgiving court of time law. The grey-haired guy approached you, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. You blinked in silence, and he turned to face the judge.

“Ravonna, you can’t prune Y/N. You’ve met her other variants. They’ve never given us any trouble. She didn’t even want to be in this situation. It was Loki’s fault in the first place. You know statically she has the most peaceful variants.” “Ok, Mobius. You’ve always had a soft spot for her. I have, too. I admit that. But what are we going to do with this one?”

“She can help us. They both can.”

“Loki can? Come over here.”

‘Mobius’ approached ‘Ravonna’, and they had a quick discussion in hushed tones. Mobius was seemingly successful, because he nodded, signalling for you to come over to Loki. You plopped off the podium and walked over to Loki, who gave you very a strange look. “What now?” “You wanted to go down with me too, if I was to be killed.”

“Yeah. Well. Take that as a compliment.”

You and Loki had to follow Mobius, who lead a trail for the TVA, there seemed to be endless corridors, stairways, and floors, it seemed to go on forever. Like one giant labyrinth. Un-escapable. Loki was fuming, knowing it would be near impossible to find his way back around. You walked silently, trying and failing to generate the fire power in your hands.

You walked way behind both the men, Mobius kept a quick pace and Loki had long, tall strides.

“Walk faster, Y/N. Then you’ll get to know me more.”

“I’m tired!” You called that out, just like a little kid complaining. “I’m going to burn this place to the ground.” Loki interjected, seething with rage. ��No you actually won’t, Loki. You don’t even have your powers anymore. There’s no way.” “I thought you were on my side now, Y/N.” “Get crucial. These people control time. And you think a few silly magic tricks will stop them?”

“Y/N’s right. This is home now. No escape.” Loki stopped, and you stopped, staring out at TVA horizon. It was so futuristic, with floating cars or whatever, buildings attached to literally nothing, a feeling this area wasn’t on a physical planet, because the backdrop behind the buildings was nothingness, the statue of the timekeepers holding up the sacred timeline.

“Wow.” You whispered, smiling at the complexity of it all.

Loki couldn’t help but stare at your beautiful, genuine smile, and you stared back, until he suddenly shook his head and looked away. “I thought you said there was no magic here.” “There isn’t. I’m agent M. Mobius by the way.” You had arrived at an elevator, and Mobius waited for you to get inside.

It was a huge elevator, there was elevator music playing. It felt like the afterlife trip down into hell.

Mobius held out his hand for you, and with your good manners you shook it. He smiled at you weirdly. “Always nice variants. You statically have the nicest variants. We do run the math.” “I have literally no idea what that means.” “Are you taking us somewhere to kill us?” “No, that’s where you just were. I’m taking you somewhere to talk.”

“Well I don’t like to talk.”

 “But you do like to lie, which you just did. Cause we all know you love to talk. Y/N, do you like to talk?” “Um. Not so much. Especially not about me.” “How long have you been here?” “Well, that’s hard to say. Time passes differently here in the TVA.” “What’s that mean?” “You’ll catch up.” The elevator opened and you stepped out, while Loki continued to rant and rave with his feverish mind.

You could see all the frustration in his body language, his clenched shoulders, his closed fists, you made an effort to relax your body, there would be no more fighting here today. In-fact, even with the horror of this situation, it was a nice change to be away from the dangerous chaos of New York. “So you’re part of the TVA’s dedicated and coruages workforce.” Loki was bitter.

“Yes.”

“You were created by the ‘time keepers’ to protect the sacred timeline.” “Correct!” Loki laughed. It was a pitiful, poisoned, harsh sound. “Is that funny?” Mobius gently stopped you from walking away, he had turned off at the stairs to the ‘Time theatre’, but you hadn’t noticed, you had just kept walking.

He gently held your arm, it was a caring, syampthic gesture.

Or maybe it was just a con.

“Yes. The idea that your little club decides the fate of trillions of people across all of existence at the behest of three space lizards? Yes. It’s funny. It’s absurd.” You couldn’t help but smile a little bit, this did feel like a fever dream, he had a point. “What. Y/N, you agree with him?” “No. I believe what you’re saying is true, because there’s evidence, and because I’ve heard of weirder things before. It just truly sounds ridiculous, as he said.”

“Lucky for you, we’ve always had a soft spot for your variants. Even the time keepers.” “I still don’t understand what you mean.” “It means everyone loves you and you’re just so overly perfect, Y/N. nothing bad has ever happened to you, and you live a blessed life.” Loki raged that, sarcasm dripping in his voice.

“Uh huh. Everyone loves me? My ass. I don’t even love myself.”

Mobius opened the door to the time theatre, and you entered. It was a huge room with three chairs, a table in the middle, strange lighting and an intimidating, but also totally blank atmosphere. “For the record, this really does feel like a killing-us kind of room.” “I guess you’re not big on trust.”

“Trust is for children. And dogs.”

“Hey! I thought we were going to trust each other.”

“I lied, Y/N. You’re on your own.”

It was stupid, but you couldn’t help but blink back some emotion in your eyes. You turned away for a second so they couldn’t see it, and blinked back a frightened, distraught tear. You were so tired and so lonely, and you were with these people you didn’t know in a strange place. Your only company was the insane, villainous asshole God who had tried to enslave New York, the one who had just killed eighty people.

Loki was the only person you vaguely recognised.

Of course he wasn’t actually going to help you. Of course. It had been a trick. A lie. A deception. Liar. Backstabber. Coward. Mobius noticed, but Loki didn’t. Mobius looked sincerely concerned, probably because you seemed like some pathetic overly-emotional teenager with a bucket full of hormonal angst. You technically were still like that, to tell the truth.

Loki sat down at the table, but you didn’t, you just stood there, encased in sadness and emptiness. Loki finally noticed, and sighed hugely, issuing for you to join him. “Y/N, I was kidding. Please. I’m not going to betray you. Just assume everything I say is a mean joke, ok? I’m going to protect you in this place.”

You said nothing but sat down, almost on the verge of crying.

Crying for your mom and your friends and New York and Tony and the team and having dinner with the team and listening to Bruce talking about science and everything else that had been snatched away from you. Mobius simply watched you and placed his hand over your shoulder, your father had never been a caring man like that, so this almost made you cry harder.

“Loki, will you just go easy on her for a minute? Anybody knows she’s too young for this and she’s seen a lot of horrors in her file.” “I’m sorry, girl. I really am. I’m an dreadful person, I know.” “I’m fine.” But your voice shook and wobbled. It seemed like Mobius was going to give you the look of pity. In all honesty, you couldn’t even blame him.

“Whatever. You guys can kill me in this awful place. I’m never getting back home and my mind is shaken and I have nothing to live for anymore. Loki, you could have killed me. You should have.” “Y/N, please don’t start on that line. I’m not going to kill you ever, and there’s a lot to enjoy in the TVA. A little birdie told me you want to know about US presidents variants……. You would know we get hundreds of those. Thousands of them, actually.”

This slowly perked you up. “What? Huh? Really?” The TVA worker observed Loki. The God of mischief was smouldering. He was barley holding in all the anger. “If looks could kill.” “What do you want from us? Why do you have us here?” “Well, let’s start with a little co-operation.” “Not my forte.”

“Y/N’s forte.”

“Yes. I really hate arguments and fights.”

“That’s very true. Because you went totally ballistic on me before ticket processing.” “Shut the hell up. You deserved that. You dragged me into this mess, after all.” “I specialise in the pursuit of dangerous variants.” “Like me?” “No. Particularly dangerous variants. You’re just a little pussycat.”

Loki didn’t respond.

“I’ve got a series of questions for you. Answer them honestly, and I might get what you want.” Mobius proceeded to question Loki on his desire to claim a throne. You could see Loki wasn’t at all amused, and it was pretty funny, how Mobius brutally toyed with him like that. As you weren’t a part of this conversation anymore you remained silent, quietly thinking to yourself.

Hands folded in your lap.

You should have just gone with Steve for search and rescue.

He had asked for your help, but Thor had placed another comforting hand on your shoulder, declaring you had done enough. But you should have. You and Steve would have joked around while organizing the search, he always asked you about living in this century, and you would question him on the 1940s, and he would always be like ‘Why are you so interested in that?’

He carried you around on his back a lot like a sibling bond, he was strong he picked you up like you weighed nothing.

Good times.

Then you wouldn’t be in this time mess, with a trickster God and this matrix agent who knew you better than you knew yourself.

Loki nudged you on the arm, and you snapped back into focus, blinking at the Asgardian monster. “Hmm? What is it?” “And Y/N? What do you want?” “She just wants to go back home. Back to her mother and those hero fools.” Mobius grimaced, and you had a horrible sinking feeling this spelled your doom.

You sighed out loud.

“I can’t go back there, can I? Whatever. It’s fine. I’ll do whatever you guys want me to do. I just want to hear about these US presidents first. That’s my only condition.” “Alright. I’ll give you access to the files. Some of them are highly restricted.” “Holy shit. Cool! Thank you!” Loki laughed again, and you couldn’t exactly tell what he was laughing at.

“What? I just want to know what FDR did!”

“I see the time-keepers have built quite the circus. And the clowns are playing their parts to perfection.” Mobius chuckled with just a little amount of sarcasm. “Big metaphor guy. Makes you seem super smart.” He pressed a button on the orange monitor, and a wall of holographic footage began to form a few paces away.

“What’s this?”

“A sample of your greatest hits.” You saw the holographic image of Loki painfully crawling up the stairs, having just been thrashed around by the Hulk. “If it’s all the same to you, I’ll have that drink now.” You laughed lightly, with the projection of you and the other Avengers staring right down at the humiliated God.

“You know for someone born to rule, you sure do lose a lot.”

“Things didn’t go so well for the last person that said that to me.” “Oh yeah, Phil Coulson.” You went utterly still, un-able to stop yourself from watching the clip of Loki implaying Phil straight through the heart, all bloody. Straight through the heart. Not through the stomach. Through the heart. You shuddered, and wanted to pray, hoping Phil had at least found some peace and rest.

“Y/N, you loved Phil.”

“I did. Again, fuck you Loki for killing the man of my dreams. How cruel.” “He was just an agent, girl. Get over it. There’s thousands just like him.” “You didn’t have to kill him! He was a good person without all the pretentious bullshit. He was there for me a lot. He was the first person to um, tell me about the hero stuff.”

Mobius continued to roll the clips of Loki’s destruction; gouging out an eyeball, wading through the German crowd, destroying the New York city streets. etc. Loki looked extremely uncomfortable, but you still saw a few flashes of enjoyment in his eyes, the enjoyment of people’s pain. Sadism.

You were still very certain that he was a psychopath.

Turned out, Loki had been the mysterious airplane hacking D.B Cooper from the 1970s. You weren’t very familiar with the case, but it was still a big surprise. Something that had never been solved. He had pretended to be someone he was not. Mobius enjoyed teasing Loki, and even though he was a monstrous fool, you had to confess Loki had been humiliated and sickly-looking, that he deserved a little bit of mercy by the time lords.

“We were right there with you, surfing that sacred timeline.” “Enough!” Loki suddenly stood up, and you shrunk back, fear evidently etched into your reaction. Loki was forced right back into his seat with the time twister. He stared at you, the way you had curled away with a flinch, always scared of threatening physical violence.

Surprise was now coded into his handsome complexion; the long black hair and thin, delicate face. “Even she’s smarter than you, Loki. Time moves differently here. You can’t win.” “Y/N, I was just standing up to make a point.” You blinked, breathing deeply. Your dad- Your dad had never been the nicest or most gentle person.

Especially considering you were a mutant with freak powers.

“Sure. Ok. you do that.”

“But now it won’t be as meaningful.” “Boo hoo.” Loki stood up again, and you shared a knowing look with Mobius, who had one of the time batons laid on the table. You picked it up delicately, trying to understand what it was, feeling slightly bad for that kid who got disentrangrated. You had only been a few years older than him, to be honest.

“What does this do?”

“Deletes someone and their entire physical matter from the tethers of time and space within existence itself.”

You quickly dropped it, your eyes going wide. Mobius smiled. Loki was raving once again.

“I know what this place is. Even though the sweet girl here can’t see it. She might be a naïve, kind mortal, but I see right through this.” “Excuse me?” “What is it?” “It’s an illusion. It’s a cruel, elaborate trick conjoured by the weak to inspire fear. A desperate attempt for control. Now you all parade about as if you are the divine arbiters of the universe.”

“We are.”

“You’re not. I was- I am on the verge of aquring everything I am owed, only because I did it, not because you, or the time keepers, or the time variance authority, of whatever you call yourselves allowed me to! Honestly you’re pathetic! A nothing. A detour. A footnote to my ascent! You stupid fools have no idea who I am, what I’m capable of, what I’ve achieved, and just how much I’m lusting to take you down!”

You covered your mouth to stop yourself from smiling. It was sad, and this situation was difficult, and in a way you agreed with the points, but Loki was having a total mental breakdown, just like any other normal human being. Just like you. And you were going to tease him for it. He was collapsing. Losing it. Off his axis.

“You finished? You’re going to start taking things seriously.”

“Y/N, be on my side. We have a fair trade here.” You stood up and walked over to him, and for a second, you placed a smug, cruel, ‘I pity you’ hand on his shoulder. It wasn’t much, and you hated him with a poison, but having a mental breakdown In any situation sucked. You would know. You had plenty of those everyday.

“Yea. I feel bad for you. Ok. I’m on your side. If you chill the FUCK out and apologise for New York, for Phil, and for this situation, we’re a team. For now though, fuck you. Not working with you until you apologise. Honest to Tony.” You shoved a middle-finger into his face, and then almost laughing hysterically, you let go off his shoulder, sitting back down at the table.

“I’m not going to apoglise for my right to be king, Midgardian snark.” “You’re freaking crazy, Loki. You’re cracked. I’ll get back to you when your sanity comes back. No deal for now though. No deal.” “I thought you were supposed to be kind.” “I am. I hate being mean to anyone. Except for the psychopathic, violent warhead.”

“Cruel words.”

“Look Loki, if you hadn’t picked up the tesseract, you would have just been taken back to a cell on Asgard.” The holographic footage showed Loki walking in chains. Then it showed Loki with a beautiful, older blonde-haired woman. “Hello mother, have I made you proud?” “Loki. Please don’t make this worse.”

“So that’s Frigga? Your mother? She’s so pretty.”

“This is nonsense. More tricks. Never even happened.” “You think you send the dark elves to your brother Thor... But instead.” A hideous, ugly creature was behind Frigga, it had her in a choke-hold. It stabbed her through the stomach even though she had no weapons, a brutal, cowardly move.

The crumpled figure of Frigga laid dead, bleeding out of her side.

Loki processed that for a second.

“What's this? It’s not true. It's a lie. I don’t believe it. Where is she? Where do you have her?” “You caused that to happen, Loki.” “No! You're lying to me! Where is she? Where do you have her?!” You sobbed at the rising voices. “You cause bad things to happen, Loki. Again, and again, and again. You hurt everyone around you. You’ve made a mess of your life. And that's the way the time goes.”

“I’m going to kill you!”

“What? Like how you killed your own mother?!”

Loki grabbed a chair and threw it in a rage, it didn’t shatter the screen, just bounced into small fragments that re-joined. He tried to storm over to Mobius but was stopped, forced back onto the ground. You stared all silently, wide-eyed at the dead Frigga and the fuming Loki.

A mother’s death was the harshest thing.

“Are you ok?” Loki glared at you but then softened, not able to believe you had just asked about him with genuine worry. “I’m sorry about your mother. if she’s truly supposed to die. I love my mom!” “You weren’t born to rule, Loki. You were born to cause pain and suffering and death. That’s how it was, that’s how it is, that’s how it will be.”

You frowned, scrunching up your nose. “Mobius, that’s a bit cruel. You just told him his mom died. Let him take a breath.” “That’s the truth, Y/N.” “And what was I born to do then?” “The exact opposite. Peace and prosperity!” “Bull. Incorrect. I haven’t done jack-shit.” Mobius extended a hand, and Loki took it, getting up off the ground.

You closed your eyes, leaning over the table.

You just needed… A rest. So tired. So far from home.

You heard the doors open, and B-15’s flatline voice. “What are you doing?” “My job. Is it yours to interrupt?” “There’s been a situation.” “Always a situation. Loki, I’m sorry about your cursed life. Don’t go anywhere. Y/N, don’t fall asleep.” Mobius left, affectionally tapping you on the shoulder. You swatted him right away.

Loki rushed over to you, prodding you on the back.

“Midgardian sweetheart. I stole his thing. Quickly! Get up! Now!” “Huh?” You opened your eyes, and Loki had the time twister in his hands. “Holy crap!” “I promised you I would get you out of here. We’ll go straight to the tesseract. Quickly!” He re-winded the thing a few times, finding himself in various different positions.

You stayed stationery.

“Hold on to me.” “Why?” “Just do it!” You held onto his shoulder, and found yourself transported back to the orange reception area, which was even emptier than it had been before. You laughed manically, it was like some high-paced action movie with an overloaded CGI budget. And you were the main character.

“We’re going to get in so much trouble.” “Not if they don’t catch us.” “The reception guy took it.” Loki looked around feverishly, and pointed in success. “There he is!” Loki paused. “WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? RUNN!!!!!” Loki practically sprinted over to the passive-looking clerk, who was heading back to a small cubicle. You quickly followed behind, even though the notion of running almost made your tired body collapse.

Loki shoved the man under a desk, and you joined, appalled at the thought he was created by the Time Keepers. How do you just create a living person? “Hey, I know you! You’re the criminal with the blue box. And you’re his girlfriend!” You gawked, un-able to stop yourself from going a little red. “I am NOT his girlfriend. He’s a sicko.”

“What’s your name?” “Casey!” “Give me the tesseract or I’ll gut you like a FISH Casey!”

“What’s a fish!?” You had to a double take to this. “How do you not know what a fish is?” “I’ve lived my whole life behind a desk.” “That’s messed up, man. These people are prisoners.” “You’re being threatened with violent, painful death!” “Ok, ok. I comply. Jeez.”  Casey opened a drawer, and Loki gratefully lifted the tesseract out, mesmired by its blue glow.

But even though he extended it in his hands like how they held up Simba in the lion king, it didn’t transport him.

Or you.

You both stared at each other, and then you threw up your arms, utterly spent. “It’s over. We’re stuck here. We’re not going back. Mobius was right.” Loki looked down, noticing something in the drawer. You looked. Large, multi-coloured glowing stones. Pretty. “What? Infinity stones?” “An infinity huh what?” Loki picked a green one in a trance, and you watched in fascination.

“Y/N, this is supposed to be the most powerful object in the entire universe.” “You what? What’s it doing in a drawer!?”

“Oh, yeah. We get a lot of those. Some of the guys use them as paperweights. Some of them.”

Loki stood up and you watched, with the tesseract in his hands. He seemed to study the TVA, the workers, the weird architecture, the blank sterile state, and after a second, you joined him. The God and the lonely avenger standing side by side. “Is this the greatest power in the universe?” “Yep.” Casey smiled.

“Woah. Cool. I almost didn’t get to see it.” You said that in awe. “Scary. Terrifying.” “We’re insignificant in the grand scheme of things.” You whispered, watching the workers complete their tasks, the analysts doing God knows what to the sacred timeline with God knows who. “I’m not.” “Uh-huh. You have been dwarfed.”

You smiled at Loki. But this time it was a real, genuine smile. Not full of hate or anger.

He actually placed a hand on your shoulder, smiling back. “My darling Midgardian snark, at least we’re stuck in the most powerful place in the universe.” “That’s so awesome.” An elevator dinged behind you, with B-15 stepping out. You put your arms in the air for surrender, but Loki wasn’t having that, clasping onto your arm.

“Hey!” He used the time-twister immediately and you were both transported back to the time theatre.

It was empty. Where was Mobius?

He trudged back to the table, and you joined, slumping in your seat. The holographic image was still on poor dead Frigga. You stared at it for a long time. “Hey. I’m sorry about your mother. I truly am. She seemed nice.” “She really loved me.” “And I do not doubt it. My mom too.” “I know. We’ll never see them again.”

“Sucks. I just wish I could have said goodbye.”

Eventually you knew that Mobius would probably come back and yell at you because it would somehow be your fault, but for now you were allowed a moment to simply breath.

You and Loki both glanced at each other, and even though he was still the vile, violent, sociopathic murderer, it just wasn’t your style to be so mad and poisoned. You had the kindest variants, as they had said.

“Hey. I’m sorry for back before ticket processing. I shouldn’t have screamed at you like that. You had no idea we would end up in this place. It was not your fault.” “You’re right, Y/N. I couldn’t have known. You should have thought that out earlier.” “Sorry, Loki. Truly.” He sighed, shaking his long black hair.

“Now I feel bad for a silly mortal. I’m sorry, too. You didn’t deserve this, snark. I either kill someone or let them be. Not whatever this is. I just felt so angry. Deep down. In my soul.”

“It’s totally fine. I get that you’re a piece of shit. But I am, too. I’m enraged about New York. Cause my mom lives there. And my friends. But not mad about this.” “I just want to strangle these damn time keepers.” You smiled sadly. “Good luck with that. I bet they’re seven meters tall. And they know everything. They probably saw when I first used the toilet. They saw when I wet the bed. Hey. They would make sure FDR grew up properly.”

He fiddled with the orange monitor, and more footage rolled. Loki was with an elderly man, and his Norse brother Thor. “I love you my sons. Remember this place. Home.” “Aww. That’s Odin then? He loves you deep down.” “He doesn’t.” “I thought the world of you Loki. I thought we were going to fight side by ide forever.”

“Aww. Thor loves you too. You might have gone wrong, but of course he loves his brother.”

“Stop analysing me, Y/N. You don’t know me.” But the Asgardian’s eyes were swimming. “You’re not as bad after all, brother.” “Maybe not.” “If you were here I might even give you a hug.” “I’m here.” You smiled, feeling a little bit teary-eyed at the ‘future nostalgia’. This future Loki looked happier and healthy, free of sin.

Then, the ending footage.     

“I herby pledge to you, my un-dying fidelity.” Loki thrust his arm forward, trying to stab a large, purple-coloured humanoid thing. “Un-dying, eh? You should choose your words more carefully.” “Who’s that? What is that?” Loki besides you was frowning, looking frightful and upset. You were horrified to see Loki slowly being choked, his eyes bulging right out of their sockets.

“You.. Will… Never… be. A….. God.”

Wide-eyed, you watched Loki’s neck being snapped, the sound was so gruesome and left nothing to imagination. “Oh, no! You died!” His body was flung away, cast aside like it was nothing. Loki gasped and looked away, and there was sounds of something about to blow up, the world was ending as Thor cried over Loki’s dead corpse.

“You died bitch. You tried to stab that thing, with a knife? A true dumbass moment. Oh, that was awful. Oh, I’m so sorry. I really am. I am sorry. I’m sorry you had to see that. Mobius probably didn’t want you to see that. And you seemed happy. You didn’t deserve that.”

He started laughing, it was a hysterical, delirious laugh. “Glorious purpose.” “Sorry. Don’t worry. I probably died too.” The door swung open behind you, it was B-15, back at it again. You sat entirely slumped, and she gave you a sharp look. “Hey. We thought you were alright. You tried to escape with him.”

“Sorry. I just wanted to go home. I’m not trying anything anymore. And I wasn’t trying to help him. I don’t want any trouble. I give up.” “I believe it. I understand.” “Do you know Mobius?” “You there, on the other hand.” Loki stood up and B-15 swung her baton, but Loki caught it, wrenching it right out of her grasp.

He picked up the time-turner as she pinned him against the table, releasing his collar, and your one too. He managed to twist her hands with his Asgardian strength, using her force against her. And as she trashed, he locked his collar around her neck with no mercy. He used the twister to send her back into position, near the entrance of the room.

“Loki. Stop. She was just doing her job.” “She was trying to kill us!” He re-wound time again. And again. And again. “Stop it- Sto- Stop- it.” You grimaced, watching the awful time-rewind situation play out, you could see Loki was releasing some of his boiled anger and hatred. “Loki! Stop!” She blurred so much she became nothing, and then she was finally kicked from the server, transported away, with Loki giving no shits in the world.

“Loki. That was mean. And it must have hurt.”

“Thanks for helping me, Y/N.”

“You handled it fine on your own. I’m tired.” He threw the twister and you caught it, he walked off, sitting down. Maybe he had the right to rage and be sad. The thing had finished with; ‘End of File.’ If that wasn’t a complete kick in the gut for someone, then you didn’t know what was.

Mobius M Mobius entered then, observing your exhausted stance and Loki’s depression.

“Nowhere left to run. Y/N, you can get some rest soon.”

“In this hell hole?”

“We have room for you.”

“Ok.”

“And food. You’re hungry. And a drink of water.” “Cool.” “Can I?” “What now?” “I’m supposed to show you your file.” You chortled out loud. With a poison. “So I too can see my violent, painful death? Mobius, show me my violent painful death. Do I have my neck sliced or something? How do I die? I bet it's gnarly.” “Y/N. Please.” You remained silent for a second, not wanting to talk to Mobius or Loki or B-15 or Casey or anyone else in this stinking hellish place.

You knew you would have to.

This was home now.

But you had your mom.

And even though it made no sense, you thought about your mom.

When you weren’t in the Avengers tower you lived with her, and she would always make your bed for you, in exchange for you cooking her favourite meal or doing the dishes. She would always arrange the pillows in a way you didn’t like, and when you told her she would be like ‘Ok, don’t worry, I’ll fix it babe’, but then she never did.

And you would always watch cheesy romance movies together.

And it was tradition for Steve to take you out for dinner on Fridays, whether it just be fucking McDonalds or at a restaurant or eating pizza in some forgotten pizza place that never had any customers. And Tony would. Tony. Tony Stark. Tony would always give you a platonic forehead kiss, or wrap his arms around your shoulder, or comfort you with a high five, because he had a soft sport for you and couldn’t deny hat.

Even though you had the appearance of someone shy or timid or sweet, you would listen to ACDC or led zeppelin or Nirvana or whoever it was with him, you loved his music taste, the guitar thrashing and the screaming. It was all gone now. All of it.

“Y/N.” Mobius said. “Whatya want from me Mobius? You guys stole me from my life just because Loki over there grabbed onto my arm with the blue box. I didn’t do anything drastic to change time. I didn’t shoot someone in the head or become a villain or drop a bomb or time travel to kill a US president. I’ll do whatever you want. What is it? I’ve tried my best and now here I am. I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. Just whatever.”

“I’ve seen the things in your file.” You faltered there for a second. “Look, ok. Don’t judge me. I confess. But please don’t.”

“I want to help you with what you went through. And don’t you deny it and say that was someone else girl, because that was you.”

He came over and punched a few things into the monitor, and you knew your life would play, in all it’s glory. “Can I please see how I die?” “No. You’re not killed by the purple thing. You live a long enough life. You meet a few people. You’re ok.” He let the footage show you in the bathroom, at home, as a young girl.

You knew what this was immediately. Your worst moment. Mobius had gunned straight for that.

“Y/N. I just couldn’t believe you had done this to yourself. I saw it and I thought, no. No. I couldn’t.”

“Stop it. Piss off. Shut it off. Skip this. This is nothing. Fuck off.”

You saw yourself use your telekinesis to hurl a knife around in the bathroom, it was an angry, desperate thing to watch. That was, that had been the worst day of your life. Your best-friend had started a fight with you, in tenth grade, about some silly little thing that would mean literally nothing just a few weeks later.

You had gotten back bad results in a test you had really wanted to ace.

You hadn’t fell well enough to even eat lunch, it was disgusting US school lunch anyway.

Your dad was in the picture, but that only meant pain and a telling off and the sentence: ‘I wish I had a different daughter’.

Your mom.

Mom.

She hadn’t been there to comfort you. After school. She had to work extra late, so at home, there had been no one. Who else was there? No one else. Just pain and loneliness and how you had felt cursed and that had been before the Avengers was even a mere concept. Before Tony had even become Ironman. Before the heroes and the villains to fight off.

“Mobius! Stop! Please!”

You watched the knife soar into your hand, and you, not too deeply, but still anyway, sliced it against your young wrist, the notion awful and upsetting and hard to stomach. The younger you cried, and wept, had a breakdown, at a breaking point, blood ran red out of your flesh and onto the bathroom floor for all the troubles you had experienced.

You hadn’t rembered feeling that bad.

The fact it was so bad you had made yourself forget how bad it had been.

You quickly healed yourself with your power, so the cuts went away instantly, but after five minutes of sobbing you saw yourself give in again, slashing at your skin again, and again, and again. What a proper nightmare. You wept yourself, watching it happen, you had suppressed the memory, a silly little thing like self-harming, but now here it was, and it was just truly awful.

You heaved a shuddering sigh.

Tears flowed onto your face in the present, you had no words.

No words at all.

You leant over and cried for your younger self who had experienced such a horrible, un-deserved time, and you heard a sound like Mobius stopping himself from crying, it wasn’t too graphic or anything, not to gory, but it was still nasty, just for how young you had been, to already have thoughts like that.

You had a headache.

But not inside your head, inside your heart.

And it had been so very painful.

The thirteen year old you passed out, in a pool of red blood.

You watched as the wounds of your younger self began to heal without you using your power, sometimes your body just did it for you.

Mobius placed a hand over yours, but you yanked it away, feeling utterly enraged.

“WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SHOW ME THAT!? HAS THIS WHOLE THING BEEN A CON!? OK I SELF HARMED SO WHAT?! I FELT ALONE AND UNLOVED AND NO ONE GAVE A CRAP MOBIUS! NOBODY GAVE A SINGLE SHIT ABOUT ME, I COULD HAVE DIED, HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL IN THE TVA!? HAVE YOU ONLY BEEN OH SO NICE TO ME, POOR YOUNG Y/N, BECAUSE YOU KNEW I HAD DONE THAT!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? I TRIED MY BEST ALRIGHT!? I TRIED MY BEST AND THERE WAS NOTHING BUT PAIN, AND PAIN, AND MORE PAIN! I’M SORRY. I. I. I. You should have told me. God. What the hell? I’ve had a hard day and now this? I’m sorry, ok?”

You trembled, and it was true your angsty yourself self had self-harmed, not because you just felt alone or un-loved. Not just because you simply felt like that in your mind. But because you truly were actually alone and unloved, no thoughts, just the pure, plain, actual truth. There had been no one that loved you. Still there wasn’t. Never would.

Mobius was almost in tears. It was not a good look.

You refused to even glance Loki’s way.

Mobius wasn’t often emotional, but knowing someone as kind, as a nice as you, had done that to themselves at only thirteen, just as a young girl, basically still a child, well, that didn’t exactly sit right. What he had cried at before through the time files? Literally nothing. Well, he was almost crying now. That was someone’s daughter. Someone’s friend. Someone’s child. Someone’s something.

Just a young girl.

Because you were young in that footage. Thirteen is nothing. And there you were. Almost dead. And no one knew. You shook your head at the utter silence in the room, it was so silent except for the loud sobbing of Mobius, who had to cover his eyes for a second, he was just that emotional and shaken up. Went he went through people’s files it was usually drastic changes they had made, or not doing that important thing they had done, or somehow not being where they were supposed to be. But not this. Not to see this. Not to be so un-prepared to see this.

 “Sorry. Seriously. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that to myself. I am truly sorry Mobius. I survived, alright? I admitted it to my mom and we got help and now I’m? I’m happy. Yeah! I have Steve and Tony and Nat and- Phil. Well. I did have them. I don’t even have them anymore. But it’s ok.”

it took a while for Mobius to stop sobbing, he had to comb through your file before, and look what he had found, without any warning.

He pulled you back into your seat, and clasped onto your hands, you could still feel the sobs racking throughout his body, his silver white hair and the moustache. “I just couldn’t prune you. Not here. Not like this. Not after you survived that.” You looked at the footage, it was still stuck on your unconscious bleeding form.

Still, more tears flowed.

Dear God.

I’m sorry to my younger self, but I’m ok now. And I have-

A reason to live.

Yeah.

“I’m sorry. You just went straight for my worst moment, and it stung. You shouldn’t do that to people when you question them. I had almost forgotten about it. I self harmed, alright? I was all alone and had no one to turn to- And when I looked so carefully for a reason NOT to do it-“ You took a long pause, extending your hand towards something or nothing. “There was nothing there. No reason. So I did it. I’m sorry. Still am.” “Even Ravonna cried watching this footage.” “That’s an invasion of my privacy. That’s gross.” You tried to joke, even though you were still near tears.

“Ok. You got me. I self-harmed. I’m pathetic and messed up. And I struggled with depression and wanting to die. Still do sometimes. I admit that. It was before the Avengers and before Phil, and so I didn’t really have much to hold onto. It was upsetting you had to show me that. And I’m, I’m sorry you had to see it.” Mobius looked so deeply at you, and you glanced away, but then you let him gently take your hand.

“Y/N, you have to believe that I’m not going to hurt or kill you after what I’ve seen you go through. I have to guess you felt angry, and alone, and devasted, and it’s a miracle you’re so kind and heroic even after that. You have to trust me that everything is going to be alright in the TVA, we have a place for you here. Can you do that? Can you trust me?”

“Yes. I am so sorry I snapped at you. I’m not exactly at my best right now. In my heart. I’m sick in my heart.”

Mobius just stared at you for a few minutes, with honest to God, the look someone has when they purposefully stop themselves from crying.  

Your arm was face down on the table, resting. Mobius gently touched your arm and you didn’t flinch so he tenderly turned it over, inspecting, grazing his thumb across your un-hurt, healed wrist. He went silent for a bit, just gently holding onto that point of your arm. In an alternate universe you realized just how good of a kind, caring father he would be.

“My gorgeous, beautiful girl. You don’t have the scars.”

“I couldn’t.”

“Ok.” “Ok.”

“Ok. I’ll play you some more. I’ll play you something happier.”

He played more time footage and you saw yourself using your fire power to create a bonfire, during a camping trip. It had been with your friends, you had been around fifteen. You didn’t exactly want your friends to know you had powers, so in that one moment you had been all alone when they had been setting up the tent. When they got back they had marvelled at your fire-making skills, not at the power they didn’t know you had.

You had laughed and made smores.

You also watched yourself hug Phil Coulson, the two of you had this weird, zingy connection, even though he was gotta-make-this-right-protect-the-world-do-my-job-SHIELD-agent, the two of you had bonded easily, especially over the Avengers, over the heroes. Phil hugged you closely, in the moment you smiled and hung your head, and he said ‘I’m proud of you, kiddo. So proud.’

With a painful pang you realized he would never get to have kids of his own.

Then you were with someone you didn’t recognise, a tall, thin man with a red cloak and blue robes, who had a handsome, chiselled face. His cloak seemed to be floating, although that couldn’t be possible. “Who’s that?” “Doctor Stephen Strange.” “Doctor what?” You were very shocked to see yourself lean forward and give the doctor a quick kiss, he wrapped his arms around your shoulders, his hands were shaking. You rested your head into the crook of his neck, it seemed like the two of you were standing in front of this huge staircase.

“Is that my future boyfriend?! He’s cute.” “Master of the mystic arts.” “Magic? Cool!” Then you saw yourself with a guy who had a metal arm, and long brown hair, and those sharp, sharp eyes. You held onto his metal arm gently, and he flexed his metal fingers, looking pained. You said: “Don’t blame yourself, Buck. It wasn’t your fault.”

Mobius stopped the footage there, you had much more of your life actually, it was just too long to show.

“Who’s that?” “James Bucky Barnes.” “Steve’s World War Two friend!? But I thought he died!!” “He survived. After the fall he got captured by HYDRA and made into a super solider. But a bad one. A winter solider. Eventually he broke free of HYDRA’S mind control and become an Avenger.” “Woah. That’s cool. Wait, did you say he was mind controlled?”

“So, Y/N. You were supposed to live out your life as an Avenger. You have a relationship with these two people. Bucky Barnes and Stephen strange. You befriend other heroes. Etc. You befriend some future Avengers like Spiderman, Scarlet Witch, even Moon Knight.” You felt deflated, but also kinda relived.

“Ok. it seems like I didn’t miss too much in my timeline future. It’s ok. So I’m not that pissed about being here.”

“Do you want to talk about, your hard times?”

You paused, and Mobius continued to look at you deeply, it made you feel uncomfortable that he probably knew every single little detail about your life. He still had a comforting hand on your arm, trying to make you feel better. You had the impulsive action of turning your arm face-down, but he turned it over again, looking down at your wrist with sadness and a searching guilt. Like it was somehow his fault.

You kept putting your arm down, but he kept turning it over, his fingers gently searching your skin.

“No. Not yet. Again. I’m sorry. I’m not strong enough.” “Ok. I’m really thankful you survived. And after that you achieved some amazing things, yeah?” Loki was staring at you, absolutely fucking horrified. He had seen some truly sickening things, but that was something else. His facial features were downturned in a look of pure horror and worry, none of the anger or poison. Even he was appalled.

And oh of course, hadn’t he struggled with those feelings himself?

When he first realized Thor was better than him. Blood and pain.

When he first realized he was never going to please his father. Blood and pain.

When he first realized that no one noticed him, that he was just some nothing. Blood and pain.

When he first realized he was a frost giant. Blood and pain.

When he had tried and failed so hard to; 1, claim the throne, 2, receive the affection he so craved, 3, be noticed and cared for, 4, loved by someone other than only his mother Frigga, 5, up-root Thor for at least one tiny moment, 6, have a place on Asgard and simply just EXIST for any reason at all, then have his world crushed, shone outlit by Thor, have his father say ‘No, Loki’, and fallen off the Bifrost brdige..... Blood and pain.

You glanced back at him.

“What? Are you going to snark at me again now? Really?”

“Y/N. I don’t even know what to say. Where to begin.”

“It’s fine. I even don’t want to hear it.”

“How could I have screamed at you knowing you did that to yourself? You make me feel awful.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry.” Mobius was still searching you, softly squeezing at your hand. You made a  cruel joke. The cruellest joke you had ever joked. “I can’t imagine how bad you would feel if I died in this place.” A look of something dark crossed against his face. “Y/N. That’s really not funny. I really do feel like I need to keep a watch on you. I'm greatly concerned about you. Especially after the New York battle you just witnessed. I’m going to have Miss minutes keep an eye on you.”

“Minutes miss what???”

Mobius just continued to stare into your soul, just this great concern and worry and you were reminded of in the Avengers tower, if Clint or whoever talked bad about themselves everyone else in the team would be like ‘No, you fucking don’t bitch! We’re going to cheer you the fuck up!’ But now rather than being funny, it was just sad.

Eventually you cracked and shrugged your shoulders, because it looked like he was going to start crying again.

“Mobius, I swear to God I won’t even do anything at all. How could I? You seem like a great person and I don’t want to upset you. I can understand how barley shaken up you are… And that was ages ok when I was, you know, angsty teen. Everyone is pained at thirteen, you wouldn’t get it. I’m genuinely sorry. This place seems kinda cool. I want to know more about it. I don’t want to die. Phil would be pissed at me in the afterlife. He would be like ‘bitch, you were supposed to live-“

You trailed off.

Mobius covered his face to stop himself from crying again, but then he steeled his emotions.

“So, you two. Do you agree to help ol agent Mobius at the TVA?” “With that?” “A rogue variant has been hunting down and killing our minutemen.” “And you want the fearsome God of mischief to help with that? And that poor tortured Midgardian girl? Why?” “Because the variant is you, Loki. And I think Y/N might be key in cracking the variant’s soul.”

Your eyes went wide with surprise….

[lochsides]

You Signed Up For This Review

If you're following me, you really did sign up for this review. I love that the title of this album lends itself to so many puns. Maybe that was the second indication that I would adore this album (the first being that its a Maisie Peters album). God, where do I even begin to review the pop mastery that is YSUFT? The album is both cohesive and chaotic in the best way possible. Maisie is one of those songwriters who approaches writing with quick wit and personality. That’s my biggest takeaway from this album. YSUFT has so much personality. It is very authentic while being refreshing. I’m so glad it finally here, to be consumed in all its glory. She really hit it out of the park and it was well worth the wait. There is not a single skip.

For those of you interested, below the cut you will find a review for each song. My favourites are 'I'm Trying (Not Friends)', ‘Love Him, I Don’t’, ‘Hollow’, ‘Villain’, ‘Brooklyn’, ‘Elvis Song’ and ‘Volcano’ — yes I know that’s half the album. This is my review and I make the rules. I've also included a little ranking at the very end.

You Signed Up For This — This song has so much main character energy. My favourite thing about Maisie as a songwriter is that her songwriting has a sense of humour to it. This song says so much in 3 minutes and 15 seconds. Its the perfect album opener, particularly for a debut album, but it's also a really good introduction to Maisie Peters for new listeners and old fans alike.

I'm Trying (Not Friends) — I can't decide what my favourite part of this song is: her sharp, witty songwriting or the cadence. This is what I mean when I say that the album is authentic while being refreshing. The cadence is unlike anything I’ve heard before, especially from Maisie, but the passive- aggressive lyrics are so Maisie. She has always had this unvarnished honesty to her songwriting that I really appreciate about her.

John Hughes Movie — Pop perfection! That's it, that's the review. I love the message of this song. It has a sense of self-worth and confidence despite being let down. And when I tell you I adore the fuck out of the bridge of 'JHM', it's an understatement. It was actually the perfect lead single for an album with so much main character energy.

Outdoor Pool — 'Outdoor Pool' is basically Fifteen (Maisie’s Version), when all you wanted was to be wanted. She really captured that in this song. I felt so sad listening to it because 15 really is such a delicate age. The music and production felt very cinematic to me and that really brought to life this story that she was telling. It really is almost Skins. I have so much affection for this song in like a big sister way.

Love Him, I Don't — Ooft, this song hurt my feelings. The production at the start with her ‘ooh’s was already chilling but then she hit me with ‘I wasn’t eating and you still said nothing’ and ‘guess that was my stubborn season’ and took me out. ‘Love Him, I Don’t’ is a song about toxicity and I’ve been there. I have friends who have been there. The lyric ‘what a waste of your twenties’ reminded me of a relationship my best friend was in. There are so many little details in this song that make it so relatable in a way the hurts. I love the melody of the pre-chorus and chorus, and then she goes and strips it back in the last verse. The whole song is a 5-star experience. It's so raw and the emotion in her vocal takes it to another level.

Psycho — Maisie Peters said feral girl summer and make it catchy. There are two bridges in this song. That should be enough to sell me, but she had to go and write ‘you made me feel so useful then so used.’ All in all though, ‘Psycho’ is probably my least favourite and that’s only because there are so many good songs on this album that outrank this.

Boy — I’m joining Maisie Peters’ fight to take away men’s rights because valid. It’s funny because I can hear Ed Sheeran’s writing in this song, mostly in the production. I love the tone throughout this song, but specifically when she says 'I can tell that you've never been hugged, boy.' It's sassy as fuck and I love that for her. My favourite aspect of 'Boy' is that the catchiest part, the one that is most likely to get stuck in our heads. is 'I can do better than this' and that feels very intentional, like a little message from Maisie reminding us that we can do better than The Boy ™️.

Hollow — 'Hollow' is such a good heartbreak ballad. It has all the makings of a great classic pop ballad, from the piano to the production to the poetic lyrics. Was it fair of her to put the lyrics 'now I'm a comma in your explanation of your learning curves and your mistakes' in the same song, in the same verse, as 'you're the one that got away and you got away with a lot' and then follow it up with a bridge of memories and 'I just miss my friend'? Let's discuss. I think the reason I, personally, love this song so much is the lyrical links to other songs like 'Villain' ('now you're kissing that girl I shouldn't worry about'), 'Volcano' ('you got away with it') and 'Tough Act' ('saying goodbye to a best friend' / 'drain it all 'til its all so hollow'). I love it when there are layers to a story.

Villain — I’ve had the hook of ‘Villain’ stuck in my head all morning. The way she explores rage in this song as something bitter that we all swallow but it burns the whole way down our throats, that dichotomy being explored through the subtlety of the production and the feral lyrics, is absolute genius. The song is told through the perspective of someone that feels wronged but they are still the villain of someone else's story and that's something I can personally relate to. I love how much angst is in the bridge, aided by the build up in the production, as she sings 'whole town's gonna hear how you messed me up.' Truly excellent songwriting.

Brooklyn — I think Maisie absolutely shines when writing songs about her sister. 'Personal Best' is my most played song on Apple Music, ever. 'Brooklyn' is almost like a continuation of that, or a deeper dive into her relationship with her sister. The storytelling aspect of this song feels very organic, like a friend telling you all about the adventure of their transatlantic trip over a cup of coffee. And the production is chef's kiss.

Elvis Song — I think this song is the one I connect with the most. The nostalgia factor always gets me and that's what this entire song is. Is the whole second verse a callout? Maybe. It's fine. If I end up calling the person this song makes me think about, it's Maisie's fault. My favourite lyric is 'I was scared to throw my heart off the edge, easier to tell myself we'd mess it up instead, so I left.' That line reads me, but it also captures the tone of regret that comes with reflection on something that ended. The production of 'Elvis Song' gives me old-flame montage vibes. I think it's the perfect candidate for an end-of-summer single.

Talking To Strangers — 'Talking To Strangers' is such a cute song. The whole concept of random people knowing such minute details about your life, that maybe even the people in your life would overlook, just because this one person that loves you so much can't help but tell everyone they meet about you is so fucking romantic. This is such a romantic song. It is 'this made me think of you' in a song except instead of telling the person you think of, you're telling literally everyone that it made you think of them.

Volcano — 'Volcano' is very reminiscent of Maisie's musical roots, which is why this song is one of my favourites. The lyrics are an actual gut punch and her vocal delivery only makes it hit harder. I think the lines that really get me each time are 'in the silence when you stood there, you just stood there' and the bits in the chorus where she sings 'and your friends said nothing' or 'and the world said nothing.' When you're in a situation that can be toxic, it fucking hurts when no one says anything. Then you look back on it and wonder 'why did no one stop you from absolutely breaking me?'

Tough Act — I think many of the songs on YUSFT accumulate to 'Tough Act' and placing it as the album closer makes so much sense in terms of closure from a lot of these stories that Maisie has shared with us. 'Tough Act' is acknowledgement and growth. I think this is best described in the lyric 'I got busy and you forgot how to miss me when I'm not much of who you grew up with.' She has come to terms with the fact that things have changed and this break up is just 'the bad part of the right thing to do.' The melody of this song is so beautiful and it's only heightened when those strings come in under the piano. Maisie's lovely vocals are the cherry on top.

Ranking the songs on this album was so difficult because each one is so outstanding. I think YSUFT is honestly one of the best pop debuts in recent history. She absolutely nailed it.

Love Him, I Don't

Volcano

Villain

I'm Trying (Not Friends)

Elvis Song

Hollow

Brooklyn

Outdoor Pool

Tough Act

You Signed Up For This

Talking To Strangers

John Hughes Movie

Boy

Psycho

[nikaidou-stan]

MY THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING THE SANGATSU NO LION LIVE ACTION PT. 1

⚠️SPOILERS BELOW!!!⚠️ (also super long post warning?? i have a lot of thoughts sorry)

- they cremating the bodies in front of the whole family???? japanese people mad asf

- ACTUAL REPRESENTATION OF HOW A TEENAGER'S APARTMENT WOULD LOOK IF THEY LIVED ALONE IN IT

- i love how in the movie Kiriyama's almost skeletal, like you can see how loose his uniform is

- SO THE SHOGI BUILDING EXISTS IRL??? BITHC IM SHOOK

- ok Kouda's terrible and all but the actor looks so much like him it's almost scary

- Gouto in the anime 🤢 <<<<< Gouto in the live-action 😍

- wtf is up with Smith's hair like 😭 sir this is why Matsumoto chose Akari instead of u

- "even tho u don't have any friends" "I know that already." KIRIYAMA AND HAYASHIDA'S INTERACTIONS ARE SO NICE I LOVE THEM

- "since I'm a minor, I'll have a juice" boy u literally could've chosen anything else but u ordered a fucking juice. perhaps do u want some crayons and some paper too??

- it's almost embarrassing how in my country kids start drinking at like 12 yo but Kiriyama after one shot is literally dying on the concrete

- AKARI IS SO PRETTY AJNSJIFKJN

- NIKAIDOU MY BOY MY MAN MY PAL MY BROSKI I LOVE U

- also screaming in a megaphone in front of the whole school not realizing he's embarrassing his friend? big kinnie moment

- fuck yeah Hina dressing like an actual 15 yo, no more of that dress over jeans shit 🤢

- Gouto's back muscles >>>>

- MISAKI'S A WHOLE ASS MILF DAMN

- "you have great seniors" "we teach him how to get along in the society" SIMPS

- when Kyouko appears at Kiriyama's door in the anime he's like "omfg not this shit again" but in the live-action he's straight-up scared. i wonder if the director was hinting at something...

- ok no they were definitely trying to tell us something; like the body language, how he refuses to look her in the eyes... poetic cinema (but also really sad)

- THE EMOTIONS ARE SO FUCKING RAW IN THIS OMG I'M IN LOVE

- Kyouko Kouda shut the fuck hup challenge

- finally some representation of people who die after running for 50 meters

- I feel like I could enjoy this movie a fuckton more if I wasn't a highly emphatic person and if I knew how to deal with emotions

- shit, the actor who portraits Kiriyama as a child should get every prize there is

- psa that Smith canonically thinks Kiriyama's adorable

- also Akari has definitely a fat fetish like girl what the fuck is this

bestie you live with a middle schooler and a toddler, at least try to hide it

- "you're unexpectedly good looking, for a shogi player" sis you're just mad he's skinny af

- I really feel like they're exaggerating Nikaidou's character, like hurr durr look at him he's funny and he's fat :/ (or maybe I'm just not ready to face the fact that he's not as cute as I expected him to be idk)

- fuck bro I would've obliterated Kiriyama too 😭 we can't really blame Gouto he did what he had to do

- Kuranosuke Sasaki looks so much like Shimada, I love this cast

- but also why do they slam the pieces on the board?? is it their way of t-posing or something?

- Momo really just had to say "stop being mean >:(" and Kyouko shut up, what a queen

- besties the worst thing about this movie is that Nikaidou isn't at least a head shorter than everybody else

- broke: Gouto's drinking water during the match with Shimada bc he's thirsty woke: he's actually drinking vinegar to assert his dominance

- there's so much sexual tension, I'm not even kidding

- 🎵two rivals best friends in a limousine 🕺 they might kiss 😳

- *sees Shigeta at the workshop* I HAVE DIED EVERYDAY WAITING FOR YOU

- the pigeon guy looking kinda hot tho 👉👈

- aww in the movie Shigeta visits Nikaidou at the hospital with Shimada :D

- Nikaidou's voice is so deep and for what 😭 he's like "calm down Kiriyama, 👹 ÇÄLM DÕWN 👹"

- damn

Shigeta's canonically married

- I'm sad, the pigeon guy looks like he's about to cry :(

- ok now I'm the one who's crying, everyone's so proud of Kiriyama 😭

- they couldn't give us Kiriyama's green eyes, they couldn't give us short king Nikaidou, and now Souya's not even albino??? fuck this, I'm out (jk)

- where tf is Raidou????? who's this old dude???

- hell yeah Gouto, put him back in his place

- god if I were in Shimada's place I would have simply unalived myself

- SHIT THE TRAILER FOR THE SECOND PART IS CRAZY ASF WHEN TF DID MOMO GET KIDNAPPED

RATING: 9+/10, I absolutely fucking loved it, BUT:

- they really did my boy Nikaidou dirty, he seemed like a caricature of himself :(

- it took me 5 business days to finish it (ADHD? don't know her)

- overall, WATCH IT

[lonelier-version-of-you]

So I just rewatched both parts of report to the mirror and I had some thoughts that I thought you might be interested in. First, how did I not pick up on the romantic connection of John and henrik, it’s so obvious and I completely missed it when I watched this episode at the time. Especially in the line “it’s time people saw the real you. Us” which is definitely not just a thing friends say. Then the scenes at the lake, when henrik says that he wanted something to believe in, it reminded me of the episode where he talks to roxanna about how his therapist wanted him to look to the future and then John took advantage by giving him something to believe. It’s so tragic. What’s even more tragic is that John drowned in the lake in the same way henrik’s mother did, and how he tried to before John saved him, the whole thing is so awful but beautifully tragic. My final thought is that the song “what difference does it make?” by the smiths really reminds me of John and henrik. Especially the opening lyrics “all men have secrets and here is mine/so let it be known/for we have been through hell and high tide/ I think I can rely on you”. Sorry if this is a ramble but I have so much more analysis on this two parter after a rewatch than I did the first time.

Can you believe my laptop fucking crashed right when I first tried to answer this, smh. But YES HI welcome to 'Report to the Mirror trash' hell with me, I think about that two-parter like 24/7 lol.

Honestly I don't know how anyone could have missed the romantic connection between John and Henrik by that point in the storyline, haha. Although I guess a lot of people were bored of the story by then and weren't paying much attention, so there's that. But at least you figured it out eventually, can't say that for a lot of this fandom. (I thought Henrik had a bit of a crush on John at first, but I didn't realise that 1. it was intentional, 2. it was more than a crush, they were madly in love, and 3. John reciprocated Henrik's feelings, until the flashback episode aired. That was so gay, any sense of plausible deniability was gone after that.)

The "it's time people saw you again, John, the real you - us" line really is just so blatant. Like, I don't know how people think Henrik being bi is up to debate when that line is literally right there? I've been trying to figure out a single possible platonic interpretation of it for 3 years now and I still haven't found one (nor have I found a platonic explanation for the "something positive" scene). Not only is it not a thing a friend would say, it's most certainly not a thing Henrik would say to anyone except someone he was in love with.

(Also, a fun fact: what Henrik says to Meena in part 1, "John Gaskell is a great friend of mine, he's a good man. But more importantly, for the medical world, he is on the verge of something incredible." is very, very similar to something his daughter-in-law Sara once said about Fredrik - "But he is a good father. And he's a good husband, my husband. And I stand by him." Those lines were written by the same writer, Andy Bayliss, so there's no way it wasn't intentional. So the show literally compared John and Henrik to a married couple.)

The lake scene is absolutely heartbreaking, isn't it? It fucks me up every single time. Even after everything John's done, Henrik still stands there and pleads for John to come out of the water. He even says "I can help you". 😭😭

As for the "I wanted something to believe in" line, that gets even sadder when you consider that the show implies Henrik lost his belief in God due to the trauma from the shooting. (In series 15 episode 52, several years before the shooting, he's shown praying before he does surgery on Chantelle, then talks with Serena about how he "made a pact with his god". Then in S20 E31, months after the shooting, he asks Roxanna "You still believe, do you? After what we've both been through?".) Consider the religious metaphors throughout the Gaskell storyline, to the point that the flashback episode is literally called One Man And His God, and... yeah. When Henrik said he wanted something to believe in, he really meant it. :( It's horribly tragic.

John choosing to drown himself in the lake is incredibly poetic but also incredibly sad, isn't it? And the way he asks Henrik to join him, too... goddd. It's all terribly romantic but in the worst, most toxic kind of way. (As my dad once put it - "no one has ever said "come drown with me, no homo"!")

And then there's Henrik's hallucinations from the MPTP, which include John caressing his face and telling him they're the same. There's so much to unpack there. (I still think hallucination!John was probably meant to kiss Henrik and it got cut out, but that's just a conspiracy theory of mine lol.)

And the way that, for the whole first part and most of the second, it's actually true! Henrik goes along with John's unethical decisions throughout both episodes (even though at this point he's been made completely aware of them), and at some points he defends John's actions even when John knows they're wrong. Report to the Mirror is Henrik at the most morally ambiguous we've ever seen him. He draws the line once he realises John has killed Roxanna, and when he (and Fletch, Ric and Sacha) find that John's left Lana cut open on the lab table, but everything up to that, he totally goes along with it. It's really fascinating to me, and shows just how bad their relationship is for each other.

And goddamn, that song is perfect for them! Personally I've always thought "I Knew You" by Future Islands fits Johnrik very well, especially the last chorus. ("Then I had to run / and now we'll leave it all said and done / What did you think he'd find? / Something in the cold of your eyes said "goodbye" / I knew you / I knew you as you were, not as you are / You knew me too / but it's not the same, not the way, the way, you used to...") "Twin Skeletons (Hotel in NYC)" by Fall Out Boy, too ("And I just need enough of you to dull the pain / just to get me through the night 'til we're twins again / 'til we're stripped down to our skeletons again / 'til we're saints just swimming in our sins again").

...I actually have a whole Spotify playlist of songs that remind me of Johnrik, if you or anyone else wants me to share it.

[wendibird]

SPN 15X19 Observations

So, here we are. Second-to-last episode of this show and what has been said will be the Season Finale. (While next week’s is the Series Finale.) 

Without further ado...

I don’t even know what to think going into this second-to-last episode. I don’t expect a “happy” ending to this show. But I can’t help hoping for a fitting one. One that makes some kind of sense. That does the characters justice. We’ll see how it goes. (Also, I want some GOOD content for Sam. *LOL*)

(Also, my notes might be sparse because I want to concentrate on the show.)

- Everyone’s gone.

- Except these three.

- Does Sam and Jack know about Cas?

- THEY DON’T KNOW YET!!! *crying* (To be clear, not upset that Dean didn’t tell them sooner. Since obviously there had to be a phone conversation at some point, or at least texting so they’d know where to meet up. THAT kind of news isn’t something to tell over the phone if you can help it.) 

- The music is really playing this up well.

- Oh Jack….. 

- And he’s still killing plants.

Commercial Thoughts:

I’ve said this again and again but I still don’t like how Chuck is being written. He might as well be rubbing his hands and cackling evilly. 

That being said, this really is sadistic. One of the few things that’s kept Sam and Dean going through all of this has been the people they’ve been able to save. (Crowely caught on to that in S8 and used it to good effect. But he was like a sniper, precise with it. Chuck is like a fricking nuke.) 

And Sam losing hope always makes me sad. (Have noticed the looks Dean keeps giving him. Still checking on him and how he’s doing and worrying about him.)

- This camera work is weird. Dream-like?

- DOGGY!!!!!

- omg Dean’s happy about a dog!

- WOW. That’s a new low.

- So, no animals? (Guess they’re gonna have to go vegetarian eventually if this doesn’t get fixed.)

- Michadam!!! 

- WHAT?! (No Adam?! HOW DARE CHUCK!!!)

Commercial Thoughts:

Okay, Chuck taking Adam is a really REALLY low-blow! (But then, that might be what pushed Michael to decide to help them after all.) 

Not surprised that Michael can’t open the book. Wondering if Jack can? Or they could call some reapers and see who wants the job of the next Death. *LOL* Hold interviews. “What will you do for us if we give you this promotion?” (crack thoughts, don’t mind me.)

I’m not sure if Chuck has realized that they have nothing left to lose. And that’s generally when people are at their most dangerous. (I mean yes, they have each other, but in the wake of what’s been lost? Literally the whole world? They can’t let that go. They can’t just sit back and treat it as a vacation. It’s not how they are.)

- CAS?! 

- WTF?!?!?!?! (Did NOT want to see Lucifer again tbh. And apparently neither did Dean. *LOL*)

- Okay, so Lucifer promoted the next Death.

- Is he actually dead this time?

- One can only hope.

- YEY! LUCIFER IS DEAD AGAIN!!!

Commercial thoughts:

So…. what was the point of all that again? 

Okay, I get that in the end, the book is open and now they can hopefully read it. Seems kind of convoluted. (Also, do NOT get me started on the whole “God and the Darkness have no pull in the Empty”. Unless God just replicated Lucifer, like I theorize he did with Lilith.) 

Wondering if they just did all that to have Luci and Mark P. back one more time.

- Sam being his super-smart self! <3

- What is Sam not saying?

- Hey! Isn’t that the lake where Jack was born?

- FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! Fricking Michael.

- Bloody winchesters

- That’s what Sam wasn’t saying. I don’t think they trusted Michael.

- Sam figured something out.

- Wow. That is some poetic justice!

- I’m actually impressed with that.

- So now what?

Commercial Thoughts:

Wow. Okay, that was a weird twist of a way to get there. But I’ve honestly got to say that I like it. It works. (I’d always hoped Jack would still be the key to Chuck’s downfall.)

I still feel sorry for Amara though. Like, is she just nothingness? Is she an alternate personality deep inside Chuck now? 

And what about Jack? Can he put things back to how they’re supposed to be? Bring everyone back? Did he get Chuck’s knowledge as well as his power? At least of who all he took away? 

Guess we’ll have to see.

Also, usually I’m not a fan of the trope of the “Good guys” sparing the villain who’s killed tons of people because “they’re above killing”. But in this case? It really was fitting. And a worse punishment than killing Chuck would have been.

- OH GOD I LOVE THIS SONG!!!!

- Sammy’s cafe!

- (Okay I’m getting a little misty)

- His smile!!! 

- OKay, I might cry now.

- They raised God.

- Awwww….. (The names)

- Okay, so, I’m not okay! (But I’m okay with it, so… good thing?)

- So it ends with them doing whatever it is they want? 

- I wonder if the Apocalypse World people were brought back? And their other friends. (And Eileen? I’m sorry, I know not everyone ships it, but I do, and now Sam doesn’t have the great Plot of the Universe conspiring against him.)

After-Show Thoughts: (After I’ve had a few hours to ponder things)

Let me just say, the music in this episode? Like, just even the background music? It was amazing! It did such a good job of invoking the emotions that were being felt by the guys. And their choices of songs used were also good. :) 

Michael: So, in some ways his character shift in this episode seems odd after the last time we saw him. But then I thought more about it, and I think Adam’s death had a lot to do with it. In the previous episode in which we saw them, of the two of them Adam actually seemed to be more stable, and often had good, grounding advice for Michael. Now with him gone, all Michael had was himself. And at heart, he still wanted his father’s love, despite everything that had happened. And I still think he’s an interesting Parallel/Contrast to Dean, who also had the same father-worship for a long time, but over time he’s come to understand that John was wrong about a lot of things, and he needs to make his own way. I don’t think that’s something that Michael ever REALLY learned. Not deep down. 

Lucifer: I found his presence here to be annoying. I get that he moved the plot along. And I get how much at least half of Buckleming love him. I am glad that his part was brief and that he didn’t get a redemption arc. I do wish Sam had been able to kill him. (I know, he couldn’t have because only another archangel with an archangel blade yadda-yadda. STILL though…) Or that there had maybe been SOME meaningful interaction between him and Sam for old time’s sake, since that always gets nice and spicy. (Because Jared and Mark P. always keep in mind everything that’s happened between them and put that into their performances.) But time limits and all that. Also, why were there no wing-shadows on the floor when Lucifer died? There were wing shadows on the floor of the friggen church at the end of S13 and he died like 15 feet up in the air. *LOL* I mean, then whenever Sam looked at the floor in the Library he could remember that Lucifer is Dead for Good. 

And I just rewatched the scene again and when he died, he just went poof. Like, in the past, unless a finger-snap thing is involved that’s not what happens when angels die. If they get stabbed, there’s usually been a body left behind. Heck, at the end of S13 there was a full-on light-show. Now it almost looked like a regular angel death just with redder light instead of silvery-blue. Was that because it was just a thrown-together mock-up of Lucifer that Chuck made? (Like with Lilith? Because he’s NOT supposed to have any sway in the Empty! Dammit, how hard is it for the writers to remember the stuff that was already established?!)  

(Sorry. Continuity issues bug me. And they’ve bugged me from Season 1 on, so I know that’s not a new thing. But it does feel like they’ve gotten especially worse this season.) 

(Also, I’m starting to get tired so I’m going to try to wrap this up here. *LOL*)

I did like how they brought Chuck down. When it comes down to it, they weren’t following a pre-set plan. (Well, what happened probably WAS written in that book, but they didn’t know what it was.) Instead they found their own way with what they had. They figured out what was going on with Jack, and Sam figured out some bullshit spell to make some cool light-effects in order to fool Michael and Chuck into thinking they were setting it up for him. The only aspect of it that fell a little flat for me was the extended exposition on how they’d done it. It’s a trope that crops up a lot. The whole “Haha see what I did there!” But, on the other hand, I also realize that unless they’d shown us each step of the process as it was happening, there was no real way around presenting it that way. And it WAS more dramatic to have the audience in the dark until that moment. Also, I can’t deny the effectiveness of the scene where Chuck keeps beating them down but they keep standing up again. I mean, isn’t that an allegory for their whole lives? And at the end he’s incredulous as to why or even HOW they can still stand. What makes them keep going? True, part of it was that they knew the plan, and they knew this was part of it. (Which I think is why Sam opened it up with punching Chuck. To turn the confrontation more physical and draw it out, or he might have decided after all to just finger-snap them.) But part if it is also them just being them. They’ve both been down this road before. Like their whole lives have been this road. And they’ve both been to hell. Both suffered unimaginable tortures. And they just keep going. When one stumbles the other gets up. Or they get each other up. And they laugh in God’s face. Just… THAT was well-done. And Chuck's ending with them NOT killing him? That was absolutely poetic. Because now he's busted down to "normal" and has to figure out actual life (or just end his, but he'd have to do it himself) and he didn't even get an "ending" of his creations killing him. Because even if he did make them, he clearly still doesn't understand them. And I liked them saying "no" to the revenge game. (After making sure that he couldn't come back again as a problem. Cause they ain't dumb either. Despite what everyone keeps saying about them.) 

I also loved the scene where Jack brings everyone back. I would have liked to have seen some shots of some of the individual ones that we’d come to know being back, like Donna, some of those AU people (Eileen!) but I also get this ep was shot during Covid so they probably couldn’t get as many people back. (I hope some of them at least get name-dropped in the next episode so we know for sure that they’re back and alive.) But anyway, I thought the scene was well done, that song was a GOOD choice for it! (But then, I am a bit biased. It’s among some of the music I grew up listening to because my parents had it.) It may not be classic rock, but classic folk is fitting for the new God. :) 

Overall, I thought there were some pacing issues with this episode, but in general I was happier with it than the previous one. I’ve just been re-watching it (because I never catch everything the first time through, especially when I’m trying to take notes) and I just noticed something. Near the end when Sam and Dean are in the Library and Dean says “To everyone that we lost along the way.” I first was a bit puzzled about that, because my mind went to the more immediate people that they’d lost recently, and whom I’m assuming Jack brought back too. But on re-watching I thought about it in a grander scale. How many people have they lost in their lives due to Chuck’s story? Because Chuck thought it would make things more dramatic? I think he was reflecting on their whole lives, not just the last 48 or so hours. And that makes sense too with what Sam said following, about them finally being able to write their own story. (And yes, I know that Cas was not one of those brought back. At least, he doesn’t seem to have been. And though I don’t ship him and Dean, I don’t doubt for a minute that Dean cares/cared about him very much. It’s okay to love your friends. But I didn’t get the feeling that he was JUST talking about one person. That held the weight of years of losses.) 

I thought the ending montage was brilliant! Honestly, if the show ended here, I would have been okay. Not saying I DON’T want another episode! I’ll take whatever I can get. And I definitely wouldn’t mind seeing where they take their story. So yeah, looking forward to the next (and final *cries*) episode.

Anyway, that’s about all I can really dredge up this late at night. *LOL* This will be the LAST time I do one of these knowing there’s more to come. It’s the last week we’ll all wait in suspense for what’s going to happen next. After next week's episode we'll be into new territory of "That's all there is and ever will be." This has been quite a journey, and I haven’t liked all of it, but overall I still love this weird little show, and even more so the characters that we've met through it. So, to quote Bobby, “Here’s to runnin’ into you guys on the other side.”

[iamnotawomanimagod]

Manic Review - From “Least-Best” to Best

Halsey released her third studio album on 1/17/2020, and it is easily her best. I’ve wanted to talk about it, but first, I need to figure out how I feel about each track in relation to the others. So this is mostly for me, but I’d love to hear how other people are feeling too!

I love all of these songs, I feel so blessed with this album, which is why this goes from “least-best” to “best”, not “worst.” 

(I know that’s kind of splitting semantic hairs, but I refuse to disrespect this album, lmao.)

So, without further ado, here are my favorite songs on Manic, starting with the one I like the least:

16 - “Alanis’s Interlude”

This is THE bisexual anthem we’ve all been waiting for from Halsey. It’s cool, sexy, and features some stellar vocals from both Alanis and Halsey. It ranks so low for me only because I’m not a huge fan of the chorus, the machine drums, or the melody, despite loving the message. But the verses are fire, and so are the vocals.

15 - “Still Learning”

I think this track will be a slow-grower for me, the way “Devil in Me” was. Maybe it’s just because it comes on the heels of the deeply, deeply impactful “More” - but I found this didn’t strike the chord I thought it would. It’s a beautiful song, though, and very meaningful to Halsey’s personal journey. I think seeing it live might change my mind about it.

14 - “Finally // beautiful stranger” 

This might be the sweetest side of Halsey that we’ve ever seen, especially when it comes to romantic love. The fact that it was inspired by Yungblud makes my heart ache a bit. I really love the duality of the different versions of Ashley in the video. That being said, the genre/style of song isn’t my personal favorite. Her vocals are amazing, though, and some of the lyrics are really poetic. I know this will be an especially tender one live, in front of a Halsey crowd. I can just picture everyone swaying and singing along.

13 - “SUGA’s Interlude” 

This interlude is such a soft, sad moment on the album, and it fits really well before “More.” SUGA’s Interlude is all about the way fame has changed both artists, and about how they’ll know when it’s time to step away from the spotlight - and how that might change them. SUGA has excellent flow, and Halsey’s delicate, pining vocals on the chorus is a perfect complement to his introspective rapping. It’s a really sweet song, and part of why it works so well on the album is because it creates such a heartfelt prelude to “More”. The song all about leaving fame behind, followed by the song about loving her unborn child, and how she badly wants to be a mother...gives me chills, man, literal chills. I think I’d like it more if I spoke Korean, but honestly, Korean Halsey fans deserve somethin’ special, so I’m okay with it.

12 - “You should be sad”

I still don’t know if I quite “buy” Y’allsey, but I can’t deny that this is a really fun song. Singing along to the lyrics is so satisfying, and the music video provided us with some serious Looks. The guitar riff between the chorus and the verses makes me feel things, and so does the line: “I’m so glad I never ever had a baby with you,” especially after hearing “More”. I like this song a lot, but compared to the rest of the album, it’s not in my top ten. I think it’ll be a really, really fun one live, though.

11 - “Without Me”

This song and I share a birthday! It’s also where Manic really began, although we had no idea that was the case, at the time. This was the first time Halsey wrote from such a specific and personal place, knowing we would all immediately recognize who the song targeted and why. She’s used this song brilliantly since then, coming up with a dozen different interpretations and set pieces, performing it while chained to a post, while revealing the messages of her cheating ex, while dancing with a beautiful girl, and even more. (It helps a lot that she performed this song with Jade Chynoweth, one of my all-time favorite dancers, and responded to the backlash of that performance by doing it again, but even gayer, just a few weeks later.) We owe a lot to this song. And, as it turns out, it really fits in with the story of Manic, and with the tone, from both a sonic and thematic perspective. I’m still a little tired of it, though, which is why it ranks so low. But - credit where it’s due!

10 - “Dominic’s Interlude” 

This one surprised me, although I went in with zero expectations, not knowing who Dominic Fike was. I wish Halsey was actually in this song, but other than that, I think it’s a great interlude. Not to mention: “If you’re looking for signs then you should know, there’s power in the words that you’re thinking.” That’s an incredible line, hit me hard. 

9 - “Ashley”

I both love and hate what this song means, because it scares the crap out of me. The way she described it as “a cautious goodbye” in an interview... It’s absolutely a letter to her fans, about Halsey, about who Halsey is, and who Ashley is, and how that balancing act both breaks her and makes her thrive. She can’t keep doing this forever. She knows how much she means to us, and this song is all about how heavy and scary that burden is, but that she’s committed to it, for now. Ending with that line from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was perfect. We’re the ones who shouldn’t assign her our peace of mind, y’know? Her vocals are stunning, though, and I think it’s the strongest opener from any of her albums. This song reminds me of a much less depressing version of “Batter Up” by Brand New, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it influenced her a bit.

8 - “Graveyard”

This song really feels like the older sister of “Without Me”. I love the racing speed of the melody and the rhythm, the way everything is layered so manically and frantically over the verses. It’s actually really easy to get lost in the musicality of this one, even though the lyrics are incredible. I think the music video is my all-time favorite of Halsey’s, because I love all the symbolism in it, and it was really trippy to see her without tattoos. I’ll consider this one a bop for a long, long time.

7 - “clementine” 

We’ve had this song for a little while, and it’s been one of my favorites. I was pretty sure it was going to stay that way, even after the album came out, but Halsey surprised me. That being said, I still love the way this song manages to be both playful and petulant, spirited and sad. It has some really beautiful images, and the music video is so pretty. 

6 - “I HATE EVERYBODY” 

We love a song full of contradictions! This song takes the humor/self-deprecation that started in “Clementine” and “Forever... (is a long time)” and turns it anthemic. The transition from “Dominic’s Interlude” to this song is so perfect, it’s hard not to listen to them one after the other. Halsey once again proves her lyrical prowess and ability to write a relatable bop, which is really what we love her for in the end, right? I love the way the song starts out pretty simply, than swells up into something epic.

5 - “3am”

I love this genre, so much, and I think Halsey completely nails it. This song wouldn’t make anyone bat an eye if you played it in 2007. Most other Halsey songs can’t claim that, and since I’m a sucker for the aughties, this one lives high on my list. It reminds me of P!nk, Avril Lavigne, and Paramore. The lyrics are super relatable, and I love the chorus and the bridge. It’s not the best lyrically, but that bridge honestly makes up for what the rest of the song lacks. Can’t wait to scream that one live! I do wish John Mayer wasn’t rambling on the end, but I also love how that leads into “Without Me”. 

4 - “929″ 

This might sound strange, but I love how this song starts with just Ashley talking; she’s speaking through laughter, challenging her friend playfully. This song feels so real. I love the stream-of-consciousness style of lyrics and the way the melody plays into that. Her voice reminds me so much of early, early Halsey - songs like “Tilt You Back” and “For Ruby”. I can relate so much to some of the things she says, and I love the way it ends. It’s such an interesting contrast to the way her previous albums concluded, too - “Young God” and “Hopeless” are both such epic, sweeping tracks. Ending her most personal album yet with such a tender ode to self-acceptance, and self-discovery, is such a beautiful way to show how much she’s grown, as a person, a songwriter, and a singer. This song makes me nostalgic, proud, happy, just a little sad, and feel so at peace.

3 - “More”

I almost don’t really have words for this song. Knowing Halsey’s story, her very honest and public experiences with infertility and endometriosis, made this song hit me a lot harder than I ever expected. I still can’t quite get through it without crying. It’s an incredibly beautiful song. Painfully, painfully honest, about a topic that’s so rarely openly discussed in pop culture. I don’t even want kids, but the yearning she shows, the hope she still has, the way she says that she’s loved her future child more than anything, and has always loved them; the reference to having already bought baby clothes; the sound of the sonogram machine, and the way it sounds like she’s singing to her baby from outside the womb at the end; it guts me. And again, I don’t want kids. I never expected this kind of honesty or tenderness from her. It’s such a special song, truly. (For the record, I listened to it again to write this and am fully weeping once more.)

2 - “Forever... (is a long time)” 

What a surprise this song was! I think it perfectly captures a certain kind of self-destructive behavior that so many of us end up falling into when it comes to relationships. The way the song goes from happy and plucky to this burgeoning feeling of dread, of spiraling down into those dark thoughts that trip all of us up from time to time. It goes from a love song to a break-up song in a matter of seconds, and the transition is spine-tinglingly perfect. The storm building in the background, starting with thunder and dissipating into rain. The way her voice comes back in with the same melody, but minor instead of major. The way the song sort of disintegrates into chaos, and into the realization: “talk to your man...tell him he’s got bad news comin’.” (This is definitely about the Yungblud breakup, right? Nevermind, my heart can’t take that. Gonna pretend I didn’t just realize that.)

1 - “killing boys” 

Jennifer’s Body is one of my absolute favorite movies, unironically. I love that Halsey loves it too, enough to include lines from it in the most badass boss bitch song she’s written since “Nightmare”. Her vocals are incredible (those high notes!) - the lyrics are the perfect blend of regretful and rageful - the beat, melodies, and overall composition just fills me up with this impossibly strong sense of “fuck yeah, fuck you.” I don’t have the words to describe how this song makes me feel. I had high hopes, based on the title, and it did not disappoint. This song has some of the cleverest lines on the entire record, and it makes me feel a way that no other song does. That’s what seals it at #1, for me (for now.)

Feel free to reply with yours, or tag me in your own review!! I’m really excited to see some of the more detailed opinions people have, now that the initial “IT’S HERE” hype has started to subside.

stream MANIC by HALSEY today

[luluwquidprocrow]

love was made for me and you (and you)

originally posted: february 15th, 2019

word count: 22,821 words

rated: teen

beatrice baudelaire/bertrand baudelaire/lemony snicket, beatrice baudelaire/lemony snicket, beatrice baudelaire/bertrand baudelaire

violet baudelaire, klaus baudelaire, beatrice baudelaire, lemony snicket, bertrand baudelaire, kit snicket, the duchess of winnipeg, dewey denouement, olivia caliban, beatrice snicket

alternate universe – modern setting, alternate universe – everybody lives/nobody dies, alternate universe – parent trap fusion, family, romantic comedy, humor, with occasional required sad undertones, screenplay/script format, less of a fic and more of an outline but one hell of an outline, with enthusiastic swearing by yours truly, referenced but very background kit/dewey and duchess/olivia

Summary:

[so beatrice is nicholas, lemony is elizabeth, violet is annie, klaus is hallie, bertrand is the absolute worst at being meredith because he is a Genuinely Nice Person so honestly he’s really not meredith at all, and those parallels are all a little loose anyway because i moved places and conversations and character roles and basically everything around, everyone is just a mess. where is vfd????? i sure don't know.]

Notes:

back in march 2018, the good the iconic the legendary the CLASSIC ace attorney parent trap au came back on my dash and I decided to rewatch the parent trap a few days later, and as I was watching it, I thought, ‘i wonder how that would work with asoue, and lemony and beatrice, and of course with them getting together with bertrand,’ because I will of course ship the three of them together in any fic I can, but I told myself ‘girl, you cannot write this fic. you have too many other fics to write, you canNOT write this fic.’

I then told myself, ‘well, yeah, okay, but that doesn’t mean I can’t outline it.’

and then the outline spun wildly out of control, to the point where i was never going to write it as a full actual fic because it wasn't going to work like that anymore, but also to the point where it had a life of its own and was in my opinion somehow still worth reading like an actual fic. this is over 20k of a lemonberry ice parent trap au half-fic/half-outline/half-weird-script/wonderful mess of conversations and headcanons, and I genuinely hope my weirdly detailed ramblings (and unapologetic swearing) bring people as much unbridled joy as they bring me. I wrote this with the intention to have fun, and I hope!! you have fun too!!!

I think you can get through this with a working knowledge of the parent trap movie (1998 version) but a thorough knowledge is also very good

title obviously corrupted from love by nat king cole

.

lemony and beatrice, young and definitely foolish and definitely in love but totally not thinking this through, marry (fairly soon after college) and beatrice has twins, violet and klaus (violet is two minutes older, their birthday in this splits the difference between (what I personally image to be) their canon birthdays, so that’s, what, january 8th or something???? first I had it as the 3rd but nick and liz marry in the movie on january 8th and I was like ‘well that’s not too big a change to make in the name of a good reference’).

not long after, their marriage dissolves (for, well, pretty much canon reasons???? I mean like with less accusations of arson and criminal activity. lemony has Radical Commitment Issues and beatrice is Impulsive and Angry and Not Taking Anyone’s Shit and honestly how they made it through marriage and having kids with all those problems completely in tact and never doing anything about them is anyone’s guess, love is Occasionally Not Cool), they divorce, and lemony takes violet and beatrice takes klaus.

they both leave The City which I have always imagined as new york even though i’ve never spent a second there in my life, but anyway, beatrice does go to california (she likes the weather, but she does not end up in sanfran (danhan’s hometown) – the part of me simultaneously obsessed with a different fandom is screaming santa barbara!!!! but no i’m going to stick with the movie and say although she’s not in a vineyard she is in napa), the idea of lemony just being in england as like, a concept, and especially with a broken heart, is hilarious to me

kit: do I have to confiscate your copy of keats?

kit: do I?

kit: do I, lemony??????

beatrice raises klaus with the help of the duchess of winnipeg (and ramona’s delightfully sentimental and frankly adorable wife, olivia caliban, I will sail this ship single-handedly I guess) (what is ramona doing in california????? OH MAN DO I FINALLY GET TO BUST OUT THIS LINE I TOOK OUT OF THE BAYBEA FIC

ramona: have you seen winnipeg lately???

ramona: there’s not much for me to duchess over.

actually it’s probably that ramona’s mother is still alive in this (otherwise what would be the POINT of everybody lives/nobody dies modern au???? fucking fight me) and she takes care of winnipeg and ramona was like ‘…...canada’s not doing it for me’ and her mother was like ‘canada doesn’t do it much for anyone, dear.’ and ramona skedaddled to california with olivia, which worked out because they have banging careers as artists out in california.) (ramona paints (she likes watercolors and pastels), olivia actually writes historical fiction lesbian romance novels (where everyone also lives!!! she writes an on point jazz age novel only everyone lives and it’s great) (why historical fiction??? olivia is a sucker for romance and loves big sweeping romance epics….and ramona) (are her books just. period piece self-inserts with her and ramona??? well why the FUCK not), they are both………..really too good for this world.) (anyway bea has zero (0) family with which to raise klaus so ramona and olivia offer to help her out. out of the goodness of their hearts and long-standing friendship, not because they have any experience raising a child. they do not. have any experience.)

and lemony raises violet with the help of his sister. kit and dewey get together earlier, and have their daughter earlier (violet’s….five or six when she’s born?), and name her (obvs not beatrice) bernadette (I have Specific Reasons for naming her bernadette, however that is in my giant list of bernadette headcanons, which is a whole other Thing). beatrice is an actress (klaus can’t act for shit, sorry), lemony is a writer (violet doesn’t have a poetic bone in her body, sorry). (but violet can act and klaus is pretty good at putting words together.)

ELEVEN YEARS AGO BY, or, well, eleven and a half, I guess, eleven and a half delightful years filled with the following –

-lemony and beatrice fervently denying they ever married each other and trying to forget the other even exists, what do you mean you have photographic evidence, we were definitely not married

-ramona’s mother briefly going to california to tell three grown women how to change a diaper

-klaus, age one and a half, crawling up the staircase in their house all by himself to get to the library, beatrice promptly dies out of sheer terror

(true event. I did that.)

-violet getting ahold of a wrench at the same age and fixing one of the loose bars in her crib

(not a true event. I did not do that.)

-dewey and jacques, trying to fix the curtains in violet’s room, immediately and silently agreeing to never tell lemony they were The Worst Uncles In Existence for five seconds for accidentally dropping the wrench in violet’s crib

-beatrice training herself not to do a double-take every time she sees klaus with a book because he looks fleetingly like lemony, just for that second

-lemony lulling violet to sleep with a variety of accordion songs, violet’s favorite is his rendition of what he says is ‘a song about spending a day on the beach’ but is actually why I cry by the magnetic fields (particularly danhan’s rendition of it with ben gibbard.)

-hey I never said they were successful at forgetting each other, especially when the kids were kids

-a truly harrowing number of children’s birthday parties

-kit snicket, who firmly kept her maiden name, going through what she called ‘The Chillest Pregnancy In Existence, Look At Me, I’m Completely Fucking Calm’ in the middle of labor

-klaus going through a period where he only read poetry, which caused bea and ramona and olivia to speak in rhyme for a week

-violet insisting she could fix the toaster and promptly not fixing the toaster because nothing was wrong with the toaster (it just wasn’t plugged in.)

-beatrice appearing in a number of plays, klaus being enchanted when she’s in les mis and reading the book but, in fact, only finding the outrageously long sewer chapter interesting

-violet trying to write a poem for lemony for father’s day and rhyming ‘orange’ with ‘mortgage’

that summer, they both wind up sending violet and klaus to the same summer camp excursion, because what sort of comedy would this be without the wildest coincidence ever, honestly

kit drops violet off at the camp a la martin – will lemony get on a plane?? that is a resounding No (also he would have just cried the whole time. the whole time. the. whole. time.)

however lemony is the one who does the ‘fruits, vegetables’ thing, only before violet leaves, and he gives her a million hugs and honestly doesn’t want her to go to camp oh my god, it’s only because violet tells him he’s sort of squishing her that he stops hugging her, lemony is???? like the most concerned parent of all time

kit, meanwhile….

kit: I was going to give you a new dart set but I was informed that they would not let you through customs.

violet: uncle dewey told you, didn’t he.

kit: I married a real killjoy, violet.

I honestly cannot think of a scene for klaus to parallel hallie meeting glasses and tie dye girl while getting her duffel bag. I thought of putting the quagmires in this but I think that’s…...pushing the identical envelope a little here (would’ve been worth it though for the brief note I used to have here that was just isadora shouting ‘HOW DID THEY TAKE SO LONG TO REALIZE THEY WERE RELATED THEY LOOK EXACTLY ALIKE’)

i’m sure they hang out with like-minded people before running into each other, it’s a good camp and they literally never talk to those other characters again anyway, which is, a real shame

we can all at least rest assured that klaus gets to camp in once piece regardless and doesn’t have a conversation about darts and airport customs, anyway beatrice, ramona, and olivia each smuggle a deck of cards into his suitcase as a surprise and he has three card decks and impresses all the other kids in his cabin with a giant architecturally sound house of cards made to resemble thoreau’s cabin at walden pond

hey annie and hallie are both allergic to strawberries and KLAUS AND VIOLET ARE ALLERGIC TO PEPPERMINTS

before they meet there’s probably a moment like with marva sr and the strawberries (I just had a horrifying thought that JEROME is the camp counselor (esme is nowhere in this. olaf is nowhere in this.) and that’s…………..awful, but, as I was writing the following scene, you know who I wrote him more like?????? arthur fucking poe, what did I just fucking do, honestly poe is a WORSE choice but…...well

mr. poe: we have peppermint brownies today!

[I just saw someone on the food network make peppermint cheesecake brownies and I want them so bad]

klaus: oh, i’m allergic

mr. poe: oh, well, please live

mr. poe: I cannot perform cpr

klaus: …………………………………………………………….shouldn’t you maybe –

mr. poe: for your own personal safety and especially my own i’m going to have to ask you to step away from the brownies

[violet shows up on mr poe’s other side]

violet: oh! peppermint, i’m allergic

mr. poe: another – didn’t I just see you? how did your hair get longer that fast? that’s not an allergic reaction, is it?

violet: ……………………………………………………………...i don’t think that’s –

mr. poe: i’m going to eat this entire brownie pan to save lives, but also because I want these brownies

he came out more like show!poe instead of book!poe but, I do not care, no one cares about mr. poe.

SO, violet and klaus eventually do meet and have practically zero immediate animosity, also through fencing!!! lemony and bea are both canonically badass fencers but I stand by what I said in fight me, that lemony is the better fencer, and violet wins. klaus concedes his loss to a talented fencer. they take off their masks and are like WHOA WE LOOK REASONABLY SIMILAR

violet: I don’t know, I think your eyes might be little farther apart than mine.

klaus: oh, don’t worry, i’ll probably grow into them. it can take some time before people really grow into their faces.

however this does get them talking and they find out they have so much in common! they’re like, ‘you like books and only have one super weird parent??? what a coincidence!’

then they find out they both play cards. (this stays, cause poker games are gold and I am reasonably sure watching the parent trap so much as a kid was what instilled this love of ‘hilarious poker games’ in me because I used to jam them into my fanfics all the time.) (also explains why I only know two poker hands….)

they hold an (amicable!) poker game that night with all the campers, and they do like a round robin tournament sort of thing and swap tips all night until it’s just the two of them facing each other, and klaus wins. (lemony is Pretty Good at cards and definitely taught violet BUT you’re damn right bea taught her kid how to count cards. not that klaus wins through cheating, he also has a natural talent and bea’s impeccable poker face. klaus also hangs out with ramona, who has repeatedly kicked lemony’s ass at cards as well.)

since they still have to wind up in the isolation cabin (because how else are they going to secretly plan swapping identities with NO GODDAMN COUNSELOR noticing???), CARMELITA is at camp and busts them for the poker game. she got eliminated pretty early in the game and camped out outside the cabin the rest of the kids were in waiting until someone won and then got mr. poe.

mr poe: gambling is not for children! unless of course you have a verified accountant or, perhaps, an established banker who wanted to embark on a personal journey and decided to run a camp for small children but has always wanted to go back and manage money again because, you know, even after the two scandals, I was good at – but we don’t have time for this, violet, klaus, it’s very irresponsible to try and get adults going on a tangent to avoid your responsibilities.

violet and klaus: but we didn’t –

mr poe: i’m afraid that I have no other choice but to send you to the isolation cabin.

carmelita: cakesniffers in the isolation cabin!!! CAKESNIFFERS IN THE ISOLATION CABIN!!!!

oh……..that was painful.

AT LEAST THE CABIN IS LIKE A NICE GOOD CABIN AND NOT the orphan shack, also like how far into the woods is the isolation cabin???? do the marvas really just leave kids out there?????? come on, marvas…..

and so our heroes get stuck in a windy lil cabin out in the woods.

what do they do when they hang out there, since they have Zero Animosity???? talk about books. read books. klaus does sketches of various local leaves. violet rewires the lamps so they don’t flicker and rigs up the windows so they don’t bang open in the middle of the night. the only thing they argue about is how to make toast, which isn’t even IN the cabin (unless violet makes something into a toaster), whatever

does klaus have a stuffed animal like cuppy???? damn straight he does. because why the hell not. (some boys play with dolls? SOME BOYS HAVE STUFFED ANIMALS)

i’m being really basic here but it’s a teddy bear BUT bea made lil wire glasses for it because klaus got glasses when he was real little so she thought he’d feel better if his favorite stuffed animal also had glasses (bea wears glasses but she HATES wearing them although I think after klaus gets glasses she tries to wear them more because bea is supportive as hell) (she needs new glasses though like they’re still these big thick black frames from her goth phase and she hates them but she hates the idea of an eye doctor appointment more) (bold of me to assume bea has ever honestly stopped having a goth phase, though…)

oh gosh what is the bear’s name

what’s something like super nerdy but cute for a small book-loving child to have named a bear

oh no, he names it kenneth. bea reads baby klaus the wind in the willows and he names his bear kenneth and this is so cute. I can’t fucking handle this, oh my god

honestly I am one of those people who thinks oreos w/ peanut butter would be pretty disgusting. (I mean, without the cream in the middle, sure, that probably tastes good, but like, with the cream and the peanut butter???? no) their snack of choice is………….hey isn’t there a snack in penultimate peril at the picnic it’s mentioned they like

or is just because I have that particular book within three feet of me, i’m gonna check

okay, it does mention that klaus likes custard eclairs, violet makes a smoked fish sandwich and wants to try the chocolate spread. maybe they just like oreos, sans peanut butter. I like oreos. (also, you can’t stash eclairs in a suitcase.

olivia, staring at a series of freshly-baked custard eclairs and a collection of tupperware containers: ….do you think I made too much??

ramona: olivia, he’s – he’s just going to summer camp.)

ANYWAY, how do they realize they’re siblings???? like???? how do

do they have half pictures in this??????? I think that’s honestly going to be the easiest way

like, of course lemony and beatrice would have a wedding picture, and they are both absolutely extra and dramatic enough to have each other’s half

it probably is still a ‘sitting at a table, staring lovingly at each other’ sort of thing, lemony in a white suit and beatrice in a suitably extravagant but actually still somehow very low-key for her wedding dress (there’s a lot of tulle though, like………..layers of tulle………………………..), their color scheme flower-wise was red and white roses because like, what fucking else would they pick at that time (they are only JUST convinced by like, jacques, probably, to do red/white instead of red/black, beatrice personally wanted purple/black)

kit gave violet the picture of beatrice, because while she hasn’t spoken to beatrice since her brother’s divorce, she does think lemony and bea could stand to talk to each other

(although I headcanon kit as the kind of person to firmly forget about past romances and put them behind her THROUGH ANY MEANS NECESSARY this is not strict asoue canon, and she always liked beatrice, anyway. lemony and bea breaking up isn’t like kit and olaf breaking up, which, i’m not even gonna try and touch in this)

klaus found the picture of lemony when he was reading through anna karenina (beatrice forgot she put it in there when she let klaus read it) and figured immediately that it had to be his father, and he kept it (maybe he showed it to ramona, who was like, ‘yep, that was your father. goodness, I forgot how awful his hair looked back then.’)

they’re probably reading some book about geography (klaus is into geography at the time)

klaus: my mother says that for my birthday next year, she’ll take me on a trip to see the famous hinterlands sunset.

violet: my father’s shown me pictures, but he agrees that it’s a lot prettier in person, but he’s also not one for planes.

klaus: well, I don’t believe hinterlands are technically confined to one geographical area, i’m sure there’s more than just in california – here, i’m sure there must be more information in the index.

violet: when’s your birthday, klaus?

klaus: january 8th.

violet: !!!! that’s my birthday!

klaus: !!! that is an extraordinary coincidence.

I never said these kids were smart.

klaus: violet, what’s your father like?

violet: he’s kind of quiet, but he’s very kind. oh, I have a picture of him – well, sort of –

she pulls out from one of her own books a picture of lemony, from behind, sitting at his desk at his typewriter, absolutely no recognizable features present whatsoever

violet: he didn’t know aunt kit was taking the picture, otherwise he would’ve turned around.

violet: actually, even then he probably wouldn’t have? he insists he’s not very photogenic.

violet: what about your father?

klaus: i’ve never met him. he’s – my mother doesn’t talk about him much, but I got the impression that they divorced shortly after I was born.

violet: oh, gosh. i’m sorry, klaus.

violet: ….sometimes I think I get that impression too, about my parents.

klaus: i’m sorry too, violet.

and if this were a snicket novel, insert soft, gentle explanation about divorce and commiseration and finding kindred spirits in your friends and how sometimes love does not work out and the affects we don’t realize it has on the children who watch it happen or see the aftermath and are left with the gnawing wonder of what went wrong and how violet and klaus each wonder, a little, what the cause was, and it can be very lonely, at the end of the day, to know that even if you have one parent who loves you very much, there is someone out there who may not love you at all, and never got the chance to know you to love you, and an even deeper part of you that wonders – no matter how young you were – were you the cause of it?

violet: oh, but I – I have a picture of my mother, my aunt kit gave it to me – I have it in my suitcase

violet: /gets up to get the picture

klaus: I, I have a picture of my father, too, in fact I think it’s stuck in this book somewhere in the back, I didn’t want to forget it

and

as violet goes to sit back down with the picture of her mother, the half-picture of beatrice from her wedding day, klaus pulls out from the index the half-picture of lemony from his wedding day

and they are

STUNNED

to realize

this is, of course, the exact same picture.

there’s a lot of hugging and crying.

so they realize they’re siblings!!! and then decide try to figure out what the hell even happened with their parents, because now that they know they’re fucking related and still somehow wound up meeting each other they realize that there has to be some incredibly detailed story behind the reasoning for their parents splitting up and now they have not just proof but an actual opportunity to find out and maybe, just maybe, get their parents back together in the process!!! it worked once!!! it could work again, why not!!!!!

AND SO THEY DECIDE TO SWAP PLACES. (contrary to hallie having the idea, it occurs to them at the same time.)

meanwhile

for the past, say, YEAR, or so, bea has been seeing bertrand, a friend from her childhood (just narrowly managing to keep it from klaus BECAUSE it will involve A Conversation About Lemony and Commitment and Marriage and Things Not Working Out and Falling In Love With Someone Else and look bea is good at a lot of things but it’s a really heavy subject for her that even after eleven years she hasn’t quite figured out how to parse, so she’s really been putting off trying to explain all of that to klaus, in a case of her vastly underestimating her son [bea you see all the books he reads…….talk to your son]), and things are going well between them and they love each other a lot and!!! they decide to get married.

how do they meet up again??? bertrand winds up going to one of her plays completely on accident. he’s been on the other side of the country for years and years and he happens to go to napa and hears about this play happening and he’s like ‘well that sounds really neat!’ because bertrand had a short-lived theater career in high school and doesn’t act all that much anymore but appreciates a good play! who doesn’t appreciate a good play??

(bertrand played lieutenant frank cioffi in his senior year production of curtains to rave local newspaper reviews. bea, meanwhile, gave a stunning performance as carmen bernstein [esme wanted to be carmen so fucking bad and she’s never forgotten that bea got the role instead, and that would not even factor into this au even if esme WAS in this au] [esme was, instead, jessica cranshaw (if it was a small school she maybe doubled as bambi), ramona was niki harris, olivia played johnny harmon, olaf was…...daryl grady……..which pains me to write cause the guy I had a crush on in high school played daryl, josephine and ike played georgia hendricks and aaron fox, jacquelyn and gustav were head of stage crew, lemony supported them all from the audience – unless lemony was sasha????!!!!!!!! okay lemony was totally sasha.]) (wow I got unnecessarily invested in their high school drama club.) (IS THEODORA THE DRAMA ADVISOR?????? oh my god. oh my god she’d be so bad at it but so good. i’m dying.

theodora: snicket you need to FLOURISH your baton with MUCH MORE GUSTO

lemony: I am going to flourish this baton right up your –

bertrand: HE’S DECIDED AGAINST IT THANK YOU MISS MARKSON)

(hey you ever write a parallel that’s so good you hate it????? olivia is johnny. olaf is daryl.)

(I usually headcanon bertrand as two years older than bea and lemony but for the purposes of this au they’re all the same age – however bertrand joined drama club first, and I picture lemony as more of a band kid than a drama kid, they probably just pull him in for curtains.

was lemony drum major???? I want to say ‘hell no’ but I also want to say ‘most cryptic drum major ever, lead the most bizarre championship performance in the school’s history, somehow still won’) (I wonder what song it was to???? that right there is where my secondhand band knowledge conks out.) (but if I HAD to supply ‘bizarre, cryptic song for championships’ I would probably pick like, david lynch’s dark night of the soul or something, idk.) (but like, listen to it and just imagine it with marching band instruments……….i kind of like it. i’m kind of digging it.)

ANYWAY BERTRAND LOVES SEEING PLAYS and he goes to see it and he has NO IDEA bea is even in it and he’s like SUPER THROWN to see her but also???? really excited! it’s been eleven years!!! he can talk to her!!!! he finds her after the play and bea immediately drops whatever she was holding and is just like???? absolutely breathless to see him again (it’s been ELEVEN YEARS, cats. oh god no it’s been more like FIFTEEN YEARS since bertrand has seen bea cause they haven’t spoken since high school oh no that hurts even MORE). a giantass hug is involved. bea spins bertrand around. they make plans to see each other later. then they start hanging out, and they like, reconcile from their weird high school fallout and have a really neat relationship)

(so

the high school fallout

lemony and bea and bertrand were all delightful friends since they were kids (well, lemony and bea were, bertrand moved to town and joined their class when they were freshman in high school). they all had stupid crushes on each other, uggg. there was. an incident. at the end of their school escapades that resulted in a falling out with bertrand (maybe they had an idea of how they all felt and just couldn’t or weren’t ready to figure it out and it sort of. drove a wedge between them. not on purpose, it was just the way it happened to work out, with teenage emotions and refusing to talk about things and uncertainty. lemony+bea and bertrand went their separate ways after graduation, lemony and bea married right out of college, bertrand does his own thing, life goes on.) (maybe there was like some prom drama about who was gonna take who and who asked who first or something (at my junior prom, I was ready to kill the guy I asked who turned me down for that very reason). I mean that’s legit???? prom drama is incredibly legit. why is there so much drama at prom??????)

(honestly after going back and writing the production of curtains and remembering the (specifically romance-related) drama I witnessed happening among the drama club at my high school (I wasn’t in drama but I had a startling number of friends who were) i’m surprised they had the drama at prom and not in the middle of drama club, but i’m still going to stand by ‘prom drama.’)

(and I feel like it was prom drama of the type that’s like, low-key there and A Thing people think about but no one talks about or addresses so the whole night is real awkward and you worry something is gonna break out at any second but nothing does but you’re still obsessively on your toes about it. like, that simultaneously high-strung just-there high school romance drama angst that’s just this ever-present layer coloring everything that people say and do, hyped up specifically because it’s PROM. they probably all danced with each other and the dances were all cut short because of Feelings and Awkwardness and no one knew what to do, the whole damn night.)

and like, bertrand, going off to college and a little heartbroken but unwilling to try and do anything about it, is upset, but bertrand is also bertrand ‘sweetest man alive’ baudelaire, and honestly he wants them to be happy (bertrand is……..very non-confrontational……….and it is honestly his downfall, he likes to have fun and be nice and kind, and to acknowledge scary things is to actually deal with them and that scares bertrand so much, he buries a lot of things – so do bea and lemony, and in fact all of vfd, but in very different ways. bertrand has achieved a sort of Chill��� that bea and lemony just do not have) so he just goes on with his life, he does date other people but nothing ends in marriage, he becomes a librarian in maine and is actually only in california originally for a few months to help manage some of the collections at local libraries. then he runs into bea and he doesn’t like INTEND for a romance to happen (and neither does bea, which I also firmly stand behind for their canon romance too), he still planned to leave at the end of the few months, but it happens and bertrand feels a lot more secure in himself and his feelings about people than he did in high school and they really do love each other, a lot

oh he went to college for library science!!!! obviously lemony majored in lit and bea majored in theater and music)

(OH NO WAS BERTRAND AT THE WEDDING?????? oh no bertrand was not at the wedding. I mean he’s certainly invited but bertrand ‘sweetest man alive’ baudelaire is also bertrand ‘vaguely heartbroken, does not want to interfere, can actually honestly only take so much’ baudelaire and he says that he’ll be unable to make it. sigh. I want to say he sends a sweet wedding gift or even just flowers but man that makes me so sad to think about lemony and bea getting that on/around their wedding day and THEM being sad and i’m too sad now, bertrand does not send a gift. (he’s torn up about not sending a gift for some time. years later, walking through an antique shop, he is struck with the ‘Years Later But Still Feels Like It Just Happened And Oh Shit Why Did I Do That’ brand of Lingering Awful Anxiety™ about all that.)

HE DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT THE DIVORCE until he meets up with bea and she tells him.

bertrand: so how’s lemony????

beatrice: ahahhahahhahahhahhahahhahhahhahhahhahahaaaa!!!!!!

beatrice: ahahaha

beatrice: ahaha.

beatrice: …….oh you genuinely do not know oh shit i’m sorry

(I wanted so badly to put in my ‘bertrand and olivia were good cute friends and actually are penpals and like lemony and ramona’s ongoing card game they have an ongoing checkers game’ headcanon but it just. won’t. fit. in. here. cause why wouldn’t olivia have told him about the divorce???? I mean it’s bea’s thing to tell, NOT olivia’s, but to occasionally write to bertrand for YEARS and never mention she and ramona live with bea?????? I think that’s a little much.)

(does bertrand ever try and convince bea to reconcile with lemony???? I feel like at this point in his life he WOULD but bea would have very early on and very firmly vetoed that. and bertrand wouldn’t necessarily be happy about it but respects her wishes. not because he wants bea all to himself. but because bertrand is also quite frankly still. a little nervous re: navigating relationships. like he’s for sure A LOT BETTER at it now but like!!!! especially with lemony like bertrand is TERRIFIED of seeing lemony again. he really is. I think he thinks lemony blames him for stuff even though lemony does not. and I don’t want it to seem like bertrand’s……….just sort of swooping in and taking bea and not letting her talk to lemony????? cause it’s not that, it’s not that at all

they do really love each other

and just because bertrand’s grown as a person doesn’t mean he’s PERFECT

and bea certainly Does Not want to talk to lemony

it’s just, nick never mentions to meredith that hallie’s a twin and meredith HATES hallie and annie anyway, but bertrand does not hate kids and I just wonder, has bea told him about violet???????? like why wouldn’t she????????

so I mean yeah they probably have talked about it, and probably still came to the same conclusion, bea Does Not want to talk to lemony either, just, not right now, and yeah bertrand isn’t delighted about it but he’s like ‘alright, okay.’ because he still understands her reasoning and for all his talk he really doesn’t want to talk to lemony either

but it’s, I think it’s a thing, in the back of their minds, a worry that hits them sometimes, have they done something wrong, trying to forget)

(and this is why planning takes so much time because I always have so many stupid questions about characters)

(when bea and lemony were young and in college and extraordinarily drunk they would come up with new titles for bertrand, because they forgot they were trying not to talk about him

beatrice: bertrand ‘best hair this side of the mississippi’ baudelaire

lemony: bertrand ‘smooth hands’ baudelaire

beatrice: bertrand –

beatrice: wait do you mean like, his legit hands or like what he DOES with his hands

lemony, trying very hard not to think about Doing Things with Hands: ……..both

lemony: I definitely mean both

beatrice: good, I agree

beatrice: bertrand ‘i WILL dance the charleston and no one will stop me and I do not care’ baudelaire

lemony: bertrand ‘softest reading voice’ baudelaire

lemony: no no, wait, bertrand ‘BEST reading voice’ baudelaire, remember when he read ee cummings

beatrice: bertrand ‘i read lord of the flies and cried at the end’ baudelaire

lemony: oh bea are you complimenting him or being mean

beatrice: lemony I read lord of the flies and threw it out the fucking window when that kid killed piggy

beatrice: that was a compliment)

(ee cummings is because I have a scene in another fic where bertrand reads ‘maggie and milly and molly and may’ to beatrice and lemony and gosh…..i hope I get to use it at some point, it was a beautiful scene)

(they probably stop talking about bertrand like, sophomore year of college, idk, it just gets too hard and they become really miserable drunk nineteen-year-olds about it, and that’s not cool) (AT LEAST THEY HAVE THE WHEREWITHAL TO DO THAT)

ANYWAY, back to violet and klaus, who are still at camp and have decided to switch places!

ultimately, violet (like hallie) is supposed to find out how bea and lemony got together, and klaus (like annie) is supposed to find out why they broke up

violet cuts her hair (she’s a little bummed because she likes her hair but at least it won’t get in her way when inventing) and pierces klaus’s ears (klaus is so UP FOR THIS he’s very excited, also he keeps himself calm during it by telling violet the history of ear piercing) (these kids are either canonically very good at rationalizing or it’s just me radically projecting again…..or both), klaus practices wandering around without glasses (he bumps into EVERYTHING), violet practices how to fucking wear glasses and not die (she falls over EVERYTHING), of course violet already has an appreciation for books but she has to get the definition thing down (and growing up with lemony ‘a phrase which here means’ snicket left her with a pretty unorthodox idea of word meanings sometimes

klaus: so an optimist is someone who sees a positive side in any situation, like –

violet: say, if their arm was bit off by an alligator, a pessimist would say, “ahh! my arm!” and an optimist would say, “well, this isn’t too bad, no one will wonder if i’m right or left handed now.”

klaus: ……….what sort of person is our father

violet: he’s very specific about words.)

klaus has to figure out?????? how to invent on the fly????? (he’s seen beatrice macgyver a million things together but he’s still not sure how she does it) and the two of them teach each other about their lives, beatrice and lemony, ramona and olivia and kit and dewey and bernadette

violet: bernadette is really delightful, but you need to watch out for her

klaus: well, she is six years old –

violet: no, I mean, she can appear at a moment’s notice, and I don’t know who taught her how to pick locks, because I certainly didn’t and father can’t pick locks, but she can do it in under seven seconds.

(jacques taught her how to pick locks (he also taught violet). I don’t know where vfd fits into all this or if it even does in this fanfic but like, just try and tell me these guys don’t still act like absurd spies in any universe anyway.) (also I think lockpicking is, in general, a handy life skill, even if you aren’t living the absurd spy life.)

klaus: mother is, um

klaus: a little embarrassing

violet: how so?

klaus: she once scaled a ten foot wall because I forgot my lunch.

(ramona: hey so why did becoming a parent rob you of your top-notch secrecy skills?

[not necessarily, though, I mean, she does a great job scaling the ten-foot wall in complete secrecy. bea just, has a lot of love for her son, and is VERY OBVIOUS ABOUT IT, is the thing]

beatrice: ramona have you SEEN my son

beatrice: I will take a BULLET for him

beatrice: preferably in a non-critical area so we can hang out afterwards.

beatrice: but if I have to embarrass the shit out of him to make sure he eats, I WILL)

violet: father is the same way, a little. he keeps crying on the first day of school and I don’t have the heart to break it to him that I might be too old for that.

klaus: mother calls encouraging phrases from the car, which I think she does to prevent me from walking into school too fast.

violet: you know, they really sound like they were made for each other.

(lemony and bea, like, separately, are such legit disaster parents and I love them, they love their kids so damn much.)

the last day of camp comes, and it is time for them to officially swap places – violet goes to beatrice, klaus goes to lemony!

klaus recites book themes to himself the whole plane ride to england to keep himself calm because he’s trying not to think about how worried and excited he is!!! he’s going to meet his father for the first time!! truth be told, he knows pretty much nothing about lemony, even after talking to violet!!! IT’S A LOT FOR ANY KID TO TAKE IN, to suddenly think ‘yeah this was a good plan – oh fuck’

anyway, he meets kit at the airport, because kit is there to pick up violet. (kit and violet do not have a secret handshake. they have, of course, dart-throwing contests. of course that doesn’t make sense in an airport, but whatever. that’s their thing.)

why does kit pick klaus up at the airport instead of lemony??? I mean kit is in martin’s role but she’s NOT martin, you know, she’s lemony’s sister and definitely does not wait on him, but she does drop violet off at camp anyway, although in the movie that’s to prevent elizabeth (and nick) from showing up until the kids switch for Maximum Emotional Impact, but like lemony is obviously not THAT fucking busy he can’t pick up his own daughter

I had the thought that like kit is maybe his manager (on the side, otherwise she has….god some other job)??? does that work for a writer???? i’m a writer and I don’t even know. whatever. and kit maybe scheduled a reading that day by accident months in advance and couldn’t change it, or it runs long, so she has to get violet (klaus) from the airport

(moxie is still his editor, only she lives way out of town and they send angry emails to each other all the time about his work)

also ties in with hallie’s scene where she looks at elizabeth’s vanity and says she’s super cool about the wedding dresses cause I love that scene a LOT and I want klaus to think his stupid dad’s cool!!!

kit: violet, I am all for the beginning of your teenage rebellion with this new hairstyle but I should inform you that your father may just die.

klaus: you think he won’t like it??

[read: YOU THINK HE WON’T LIKE ME]

kit: he’ll probably come around to it. he’s still at his reading, do you want to surprise him?

klaus: !!!!!!

klaus: yes!

the reading is huge. I have no damn idea what lemony writes in this au, definitely not danhan’s stuff cause it’s not his vibe, but he still writes the picture books (although there are YEARS between them irl he wrote the composer is dead and the dark for bernadette before she became, in her words, Too Old For That Sort of Thing although she still secretly really likes them and reads the dark every night before she goes to bed. bernadette, in contrast to babybea, is fucking terrified of the dark but tries to like rationalize it out by thinking through the science of light or something, and then by just rereading the dark), oh he probably like, okay so he can’t just write asoue but he probably writes some other great children’s book series with the same sort of writing style and moral discussion, and the picture books

and violet told klaus he wrote stuff and bea like…..knows he does and refuses to talk about it but reads ramona’s copies in the middle of the night (and then has to stop doing that cause it bums her out too much), but klaus has no idea about it or how good it is and he’s so impressed, sitting at the back of this giant giant theater, and klaus loves books, he loves them with all his heart, and to sit there and see his father, for the first time in his whole life, doing something that klaus thinks is so incredibly cool

klaus: wow.

okay, so, the damn relief and happiness on lemony’s face when he sees kit and klaus

has he been imagining terrible airplane accidents for the past week? weeks? MONTHS??? yes he has.

he sees them once he gets offstage and immediately runs at this child (or, at least, definitely fastwalks.) and sweeps klaus up into this giant giant hug

klaus is!!! overwhelmed by the amount of sheer unadulterated love in this hug oh no i’m crying

putting aside that he’s pretending to be violet, this is the first time he gets a hug from his father and even if lemony thinks he’s violet klaus is still the one getting the hug and it’s just, a lot, man, it’s a lot, that scene in the movie where elizabeth hugs hallie is exactly the vibe right here god it’s so fucking sweet

lemony: oh, goodness – what happened to your hair?

klaus: I – I cut it. do you –

lemony is in the process of remembering that scissors and haircuts exist, he’s a little blindsided here

lemony: no, no – haircuts are things that happen, at one time or another, to all of us.

lemony: i’m just so happy that you’re back.

he just. hugs klaus again. god I can’t handle how much lemony loves his kids. klaus is really emotional and I’M really emotional I have to move on

on the ride home (kit is still driving)

lemony: so how was it at camp?

klaus: /frantically thinking of how he’s going to pull off something violet would say now that he’s HERE and has to act like her and decides to just be honest and hope it comes out okay

klaus: I had a lot of fun; the outdoors are incredibly pulchritudinous.

lemony: /thoroughly convinced that the outdoors has finally instilled violet with a greater poetic sense

I NEVER SAID THEIR PARENTS WERE SMART EITHER

do you know how wild the plot of this movie really is, when you get down to it, parents not recognizing their kids wtf have I done

violet can act pretty passably as klaus, but klaus, even employing beatrice’s acting techniques, just can’t act. but the one who finds him out is bernadette, like half an hour after he gets home.

[you can tell what scenes originally started this outline because they’re actually written like scenes, this was one of them]

[bernadette stares at klaus with wide, curious eyes over the top of her book. “you’re not violet,” she says.

the bottom of klaus’s stomach drops clear out. “what?”

“violet doesn’t squint when she’s confused,” bernadette says. “she frowns and puts her hair up. and it’s something she’s used to doing, so even if her hair was cut, she’d still reach for a ribbon, out of habit. you’re klaus. shouldn’t you have glasses? mother says aunt beatrice wore glasses.”

“how – how did you know about me?”

bernadette rolls her eyes. “i know everything,” she says loftily, for a six year old. “i can read, after all.”]

bernadette is the best kid. so I love babybea so much but babybea in canon is like…..still very on point but very quiet about it, because she’s grown up with really so little interaction with people????? she’s like a really subdued kid because she’s had to be so independent and do so many things herself. and she’s got her firm, almost unshakable optimism. so bernadette is still very quick and clever but a LOT more precocious about it and pretty boisterous for six years old and just. even more like kit than babybea is. her optimism is a little more…..sharp in this. I don’t think she understands embarrassment, as a thing that people experience, because she sure doesn’t. she’s just like, ‘well why don’t you just try again??????’ and it’s so great to see that inherent commitment to existence in a six year old

(an important sidenote from my bernadette headcanon list, though, is that she really does just read everything. she reads cereal boxes and magazines and reports and all the papers on lemony’s desk and really just absolutely anything she can get her hands on, and she’s easily bored so she goes looking for stuff sometimes and she’s good at putting things together, so that’s how she knows about klaus.)

[“i’m not gonna tell anybody,” she says. “i wanna see what happens. uncle lemony’s kind of lonely, you know? and aunt beatrice – when they talk about her – always sounded really nice.”]

bernadette makes it her MISSION to help klaus act more like violet and cover for him as much as she can

bernadette: you need to walk different

bernadette: and hold yourself a little taller

bernadette: here, keep this wrench in your pocket, violet likes wrenches

bernadette: and this ribbon!!! she didn’t give you any????

bernadette: oh, make sure you stare off into the distance while eating and think about machines or something

klaus: how do you notice all these things???

bernadette: ?????? doesn’t everybody?????? she’s your sister, you two didn’t follow each other around to try and pin down how you act????

klaus: …..do you do that, bernadette

bernadette: regularly. I can impersonate anyone’s footsteps. except my mother’s, because I think she keeps wearing different shoes on purpose. i’ll show you sometime.

so, armed with This Random Wrench and a lot of acting details that he can’t process very well, klaus HANGS OUT WITH LEMONY

so klaus spends a lot of time in the library in lemony’s house (which also doubles as lemony’s office, it’s big enough that he and violet can take separate corners and know each other’s there but not run into each other if they don’t want to (especially good for klaus pretending to be violet because no one has to see him TOTALLY FAIL AT INVENTING)), and it has so many books and klaus is so thrilled

klaus has to try and bring up bea and find out how they met, only, DISCREETLY

[gosh this one is a lot harder without “so doesn’t designing all those wedding dresses make you think about getting married again?”, especially because the truly spectacular “f word” line doesn’t make sense with lemony but what can you do]

he probably goes up to lemony while lemony’s at his desk because klaus figures, the easiest way could be to relate to something on the desk

AS purposeful narrative coincidence LUCK WOULD HAVE IT lemony is looking for something in his desk and you know lemony keeps the most inconsequential things and has accidentally dug out his plaque for ‘one semester of cheerleader participation’

klaus, immediately thrown by this news: you were a cheerleader?

lemony: mm? oh, my, I forgot about that.

he smiles at the plaque and dusts it off and my heart is m e l t i n g

lemony: yes, in high school. I wasn’t the only boy on the team, as a matter of fact. a – a friend of mine did it with me.

klaus: why were you on the cheerleading squad?

lemony, trapped in this conversation now: well – your mother was on the soccer team. I was not what you would call athletically inclined at the time, so I joined to support her.

klaus: !!!!!!!

klaus: my – my mother?

this was a fact he did not know about beatrice, as a matter of fact

lemony, realizing that children are going to be curious about their parents and, well, okay, it’s been eleven years, I probably won’t see beatrice again (ahahahahaha.), and my child deserves to know: yes. she was very good at soccer, among other talents, although she didn’t last very long in her soccer career.

klaus: why not?

[if this man was PAYING ATTENTION he would have noticed for sure that klaus is much more straightforward than violet.]

lemony, remembering that time beatrice launched herself across the soccer field and accidentally tackled the assistant coach and dragged him through the mud: she and the coach disagreed on some of the physical aspects of the game.

klaus, dying to hear what lemony’s going to say: what was she like?

lemony, immediately remembering the details of their divorce but also a series of Shenanigans from their school days that he should never repeat to anyone, then resolving to be kind about it: very charming and resourceful.

lemony: she had a great deal of verve.

lemony: I see a lot of it in you.

klaus is touched, I’M touched, god fucking dammit

klaus resolves to leave it there and decides to dig around lemony’s desk later for other things about bea and lemony when lemony isn’t looking

which he promptly does, that night.

klaus sees his typewriter and pictures of kit and jacques and there’s probably one of ramona (in a drawer) (sorry, ramona.) and in a secret compartment in the desk is a pic of bea (maybe one of bertrand too?) (definitely one of bertrand too) and some letters from bea (klaus recognizes her handwriting)

(watch it be something like, some stupid candygram she sent him for valentine’s day that says dear lemony, [the content of this candygram has been censored by the school administration] love bea!!!!!) (bea gets detention for a week for the content of the candygram.) (the second candygram gets through but it’s only because bea writes it so thoroughly in code that the school administration, at a passing glance, cannot see how raunchy it is. but also very heartfelt. it is genuinely heartfelt.) (so of course he has some from bertrand too. because bertrand sent everyone a candygram. they’re all so friendly but so sweet and so cute and bertrand’s just breaking my heart in this whole fic I love him so much) (they’re stuff like, i’m so happy we’re friends! happy valentine’s day! i made sure this candygram doesn’t have anything that will conflict with your peanut allergy! like some fucking NERD and i’m SOBBING) (because you know bertrand was on student council and helped with the candygrams, bea and lemony were definitely not on student council)

(bea: what gets me is that they still sent it!! they censored my loving sonnet about your ass but they still sent it!!!!!!

bertrand: I guess nothing stops true love?

lemony: or, nothing stops beatrice mariner. [you’d have to kill me before I conceded to ‘beatrice kornbluth.’ anyway one of kornbluth’s pen names was mariner so that’s my compromise.])

klaus thinks the candygrams are so fucking embarrassing and also had no idea his mother was capable of such language but then again, no, she is, but he also thinks they’re charming and evidence that lemony still has feelings for beatrice, if he kept them!!

he’s, intrigued, a little concerned, but not very worried about this mysterious picture of a strange man and his own candygrams, although klaus concedes they too are very sweet.

MEANWHILE, back in california

bea is so so so so so excited to pick up klaus (not knowing it’s violet) from the airport, like she manages to sit still for most of the wait but in the last half hour she just sort of bounces around the airport and buys a series of irritating, tasteless teas (“fuck this tea is so bland yes i’m ordering another one, ramona, don’t judge me”) and reads the same newspaper over and over again and when the flight comes in she’s ECSTATIC, MY GIRL IS BOUNCING ALL OVER THE PLACE

she’s the kind of like……...vaguely silly but a little (a lot) overprotective (?) parent

like beatrice is the one SHOUTING AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS WHEN SHE SEES HER KID CAUSE SHE’S SO THRILLED, she’s just very vocal about how much she loves….

[I actually rewrote some of bea in this (or, changed the amount of capitals I had her using) because, like, bea is delightful and charming and very smooth but she’s also got such passion for life, she loves to be delighted and she loves to laugh, and she’s so smooth and sarcastic but like!!!! I love beatrice when she’s having a good time, but I got worried that she was leaning too silly in this which. irritated me.

like, in canon I feel like she is incredibly mischievous but once she gets married and has kids, she’s still very on point and loves her kids very openly but she becomes a lot more straight-laced because she’s so intent to protect them, so much so that I think she loses a little of that mischievousness. but considering the fluctuating capacity of vfd vibes in this au, I think she is a little more…….loose in this. the other thing about bea is that her veneer of perfection is her best acting job of all time, and divorcing lemony and being a single mother and raising klaus puts a big dent in that and makes her even more determined to try and wring as much joy out of life as she can without letting people know how much she has to deal with]

violet, upon getting off the plane and seeing beatrice: oh.

beatrice: look at youuuuuuuuuu LOOK AT YOU!!! you’ve got everything??? all your limbs???? nothing broken????

she says all this while like running straight at violet and patting her down and then giving her the biggest hug of all time. violet is engulfed in this hug and!!! she thought her father gave tight hugs but this is something else

I think lemony puts a lot of warmth in his hugs but beatrice puts this endless amount of joy, along with love, into her hugs, and violet’s life up until this point has been very low-key and surrounded by adults who excel at deadpanning their dialogue so this is!!! very strange but very exciting!!! because violet herself also has this very bright enthusiasm that other people in her family don’t have the same way she does so as much as it’s so different to meet beatrice it’s really cool!!!!!

[for the record, bertrand’s hugs exude safety]

re: pierced ears

beatrice: oh, ramona and olivia are gonna be real upset.

beatrice: they definitely wanted to be involved in your first rebellious teenager act.

beatrice: then again, so did I??

violet: doesn’t that defeat the purpose of a rebellious act?

beatrice, going in for a side-hug: …...i missed that snark so much

does beatrice have a dog???? she’s really not a dog person. neither are ramona and olivia (dogs scare olivia. in fact, most things scare olivia. the toaster scares olivia. she’s so nervous and I love her.) (it’s less of a josephine fear and more of a ‘please leave me alone!!!’ sort of startled fear, is how I see it)

if there is a pet, ramona and olivia have a cat that olivia named annabelle, and she’s a sweet, all-white cat who loves cuddles. she does not even care that violet isn’t klaus. she’s just like, ‘this person has arms!! this person can cuddle.’ annabelle is the best, most chill cat. (although I headcanon that bea is allergic to cats – but that was just cause I was allergic to cats, and now that i’m not allergic to cats????? GUESS IT’S FREE REIN NOW) (anyway the cat is still ramona and olivia’s.)

so bea has to introduce klaus (violet!) to bertrand, and, oh, bea

she really has been putting this conversation off for quite some time, and she decides to just, go for it, as she’s driving violet home

beatrice: klaus, there’s, there’s someone i’d like you to meet

violet: who?

beatrice: an old friend of mine. we’ve been talking recently, and he means a great deal to me, and if you don’t like him, then that’ll be it, but – I really want him to be a part of our lives, klaus. I know it’s a big change, but I’d like you to give him a chance.

violet is REALLY, REALLY THROWN HERE because she and klaus are supposed to get their parents back together!!! this isn’t supposed to happen!!! this is supposed to be a happy ending without this NEW CHALLENGER (UNACCEPTED!!!!), how is she supposed to ask about lemony now???????

violet: oh, um

violet: well, I would like to meet him

she resolves to be HARD AND UNCOMPROMISING when she meets bertrand, but, well, then she meets bertrand fucking baudelaire. bertrand ‘sweetest man alive’ baudelaire. bertrand ‘just desperately wants to make a good impression on his fiance’s son’ baudelaire. god I love him. what a guy.

especially because bertrand really does just want to make a good impression, and he knows klaus is into geography right now so he brings this absolutely impressive atlas as a gift

not as an attempt to bribe klaus into liking him, but to show that he’s supportive of his interests!!!!

bertrand, sweetest man alive, shaking violet’s hand: i’m so excited to finally meet you!!

violet, blindsided by the sweetest man alive: oh, thank – thank you. it’s very nice to meet you too.

bertrand: I heard you were into geography, so I brought this atlas for you! I hope it’s alright.

violet, holding the biggest, heaviest atlas she’s ever seen in her life: oh. that’s very kind of you.

they spend some time looking through it because it has so many cool details

he stays for a while and then bows out gracefully because he cares so much, hello i’m dying, and then beatrice asks violet what she thought

violet: I –

violet: I liked him a lot.

beatrice: are you sure? because I swear, it’s fine, klaus, if you’re uncomfortable, it’s absolutely okay, it’s –

violet: no no! it’s fine!

[read: IT’S NOT FINE]

violet: I have this….atlas, now.

beatrice: you could kill a man with that.

violet: probably! I probably could.

beatrice: ….so it’s okay?

violet: ….it’s okay, mother.

[read: IT’S NOT OKAY BUT WHAT ELSE CAN SHE SAY HERE] [hey you know when you take out how much of an awful person meredith is you are left with a lot less humor in this situation.]

beatrice: I don’t know what I did to deserve a child like you, klaus.

cue good, squishy hug.

[personally I cannot fathom marrying someone else and having twins and raising one of them and not trying to have a relationship with your other child because you didn’t want to work things out with first spouse, but I never said I myself was smart either, in what I chose to write (I NEVER SAID I TOOK THE EASY WAY OUT)

anyway, I do think when bea says that, she thinks about it for a second

that (as far as she knows) this is klaus, she’s known him his whole life, and she had so little time with violet and maybe she would be sweet and clever too and she doesn’t know

she doesn’t know!!!!!!!

and it tears her apart for a split second that she doesn’t have everything and before she can let it eat her alive she shoves it down and forgets about it like she does with everything else and just, moves on] [time is a scary thing – if this much time has passed, what can you do? do they care? is it easier to do nothing or does that hurt more? does it even matter when both parents know their kids don’t know about their sibling or their other parent (or as far as they know at this moment)??? does that possibly make it even a little easier????] [anyway.]

because of bertrand – or, not necessarily bertrand, but more, ‘wedding shenanigans,’ but also, yeah, bertrand – violet also spends comparatively little time with beatrice

she wants to dislike him on principle, but can’t because he’s just???? so nice!!!! he talks seriously to her about her parents and about her (well, klaus) and really wants to get to know her (well, klaus) violet is begrudgingly impressed. violet thinks klaus would be really impressed too. but she’s real worried about what means for lemony and beatrice

especially since they did this not only to get their parents back together but to spend time with the opposite parent, like!!! violet has spent practically zero (0) time with bea to get to know her!!!!

so she holds off for a little bit and just genuinely hopes bertrand will somehow be less nice

this is hard, when bertrand helps bea make dinner ever night (klaus was VERY EXPLICIT that beatrice allows NO ONE in the kitchen when she’s cooking so there’s that) and he talks so damn OPENLY to violet about being a presence in her life

bertrand: klaus, I hope you don’t think i’m intruding in your life.

violet: I understand where you’re coming from when you say that but remarriage is in fact a part of life that occurs with some frequency.

[not only death and taxes, but haircuts and remarriage….]

violet: mother said you were an old friend, though?

bertrand: yes, we went to school together.

violet: if you don’t think it’s too rude of a question

violet: you strike me as the type of person who would have had a high school sweetheart and I am perhaps a little concerned that you didn’t marry my mother earlier.

inside, violet is cringing but it’s a very klaus line.

bertrand: !

bertrand: oh, well, we didn’t date each other in high school.

violet: ! you didn’t?

bertrand: no, there was –

bertrand has been. avoiding these feelings for some time. but he’s so struck by them that he has NO poker face in this situation

bertrand: – it just didn’t work out at the time, that’s all.

but fuck violet is absolutely stunned by that look on his face

she’s never seen someone look so heartbroken before and she is, concerned, but that’s mostly ignored in favor of the sheer stress of the situation

and violet does actually get kind of angry!! about bertrand being such a good person!! she starts to get really frustrated!!! like I picture this happening over, maybe a week

she hates that she can’t tie her hair back and her thoughts are all jumbled and that she has to wear glasses and she misses her dad and she loves beatrice a lot but NOTHING IS WORKING OUT LIKE SHE WANTED IT TO

and she has to wear klaus’s glasses and keeps taking them off when she’s sure no one’s looking to rub her eyes man I want to give this kid a hug

but she also wants to make her mom happy!!! fuck this is a mess

violet: he’s been – a lot kinder than I thought he would be.

beatrice: yeah, he has that effect on people.

beatrice: when we were in high school, we called him “bertrand ‘sweetest man alive’ baudelaire.”

beatrice is viscerally reminded of Being Drunk In College and tries to shrug it off

however, violet, growing up with two detail-oriented snickets, does not miss a single thing

violet: we?

beatrice: oh, you know – nicknames, nicknames stick, klaus, everybody calls everybody things!!

violet: it just sounded as if you were….

violet: /casts around for the correct grammatical term, she’s committed, but comes up with nothing because hell even I don’t know, apologies to my grammar professor from college

violet: ….using ‘we’ to mean just you and someone else and not necessarily lots of people.

beatrice is actually vaguely suspicious to hear Less Technical Grammar but chalks it up to the situation

beatrice: well, I mean, we had friends, of course – ramona and olivia!! that’s!! that’s who i’m talking about!! that’s all!!

violet remembers that ramona gave klaus his half of the wedding picture, and klaus told her what ramona said, that ramona didn’t like lemony’s hair at the time, and violet’s done the math, she knows how old lemony and bea are and that she and klaus were born not long after they left college, and with this sudden but persistent reluctance to talk about An Additional Person from high school from both bea and bertrand, violet is terribly suspicious that there could, in fact, be much more to this than she initially thought

beatrice: don’t forget, we start looking at hotels for wedding reception venues this week, okay?

violet: okay.

so, that night, violet, now alerted to the possibility that there could be a connection between bertrand and her father, and also DESPERATELY HOPING THERE IS ANYWAY BECAUSE THAT WOULD CAUSE HER SO MUCH LESS STRESS, goes digging

she grew up with bernadette for the past six years (and has also seen lemony create giant information webs to map out books), VIOLET KNOWS HOW TO GET INFORMATION AND PUT IT TOGETHER

she starts looking for yearbooks – they all went to the same school, for years, they have to be somewhere, but violet can’t find anything in the library, or ramona’s studio, or olivia’s office, or beatrice’s hiding place (the kitchen), and then looks through their desks for papers or plaques or photographs or anything that could give her a hint (nope)

if there is one thing she’s learned from bernadette, but also her father, it’s that the best place to hide something is usually in plain sight, which leads violet back to the library, pulling out boring-looking books to see if anything is stored behind them or in them (still nope)

this leads to violet CLIMBING THE BOOKCASES to reach the top shelf because adults are taller than her and put things on high shelves

and lo and behold, there it is, the senior year yearbook.

violet has a HEART-STOPPING MOMENT in the downward climb (which she’s doing one-handed anyway) where she almost steps on annabelle who she hadn’t realized was sleeping on a shelf and violet is TERRIFIED but annabelle, chillest cat in the world™, just yawns at her and picks a different shelf

annabelle is no sammy.

so, curled up in a library chair, violet finds not only pictures of beatrice and bertrand and lemony in the yearbook, but also a giant section of papers that fold out from the back cover where apparently lemony had more than the average length of a yearbook comment to say to her

violet, vaguely skimming this hardcore romantic comment, incredibly used to her father’s verbosity: yes that sounds about right.

and she finds a (significantly smaller but still lengthy and painfully heartfelt) signature from bertrand nearby, that definitely reads as a guy in love

but she’s still not sure how they feel about each other now, like a few yearbook signatures are no indication of how a person feels over eleven years later, so she’s still nervous about this and decides to sleep on it

this takes the whole night, violet is exhausted in the morning

now re: chessy unpacking hallie’s (annie’s) suitcase in the movie, it’s not that ramona did the same, but when doing the laundry earlier she did notice this weird amount of ribbons stuck in the lint filter/in pockets/pant legs/sleeves

and she barely even thinks anything of it at first and asks olivia and olivia has no clue and she’s not asking beatrice because beatrice has so much on her mind and ramona’s like ‘….hmmm,’ and goes to talk to klaus (violet)

ramona: hey klaus, I keep finding ribbons everywhere and I just wondered –

violet, in the process of running her hand through her hair cause she’s tired and processing a lot and misses being able to tie it: /JUMPS

violet: oh

violet: bookmarks, i’ve been using them as bookmarks

[actually violet has a million ribbons because lemony never wanted her to be without one, and it was so natural for violet to bring them with her she just legit forgot she wasn’t supposed to have them, like hallie with cuppy]

ramona, vaguely concerned: ….yeah, your mother used to do that

ramona: anything wrong with your hair?

violet: oh, no, not at all!

ramona: everything….going okay?

violet: yes, absolutely!

[the thing about violet acting as klaus though is that she can get like his speech patterns down but her own natural cheeriness still shows through in the places where klaus is in general quieter]

this is gonna get discussed right after this but ramona knows violet ties her hair up to focus because lemony told her in a letter, years ago

so ramona frowns and walks over to her and ties her bangs back with one of the ribbons, and violet just so visibly relaxes

ramona, incredibly emotional: oh

ramona: violet?

violet: ….yes.

ramona: so I can’t necessarily abide by breaking up a marriage but HECK YEAH i’m down for helping you reunite them. beatrice got me in the divorce and it’s very irritating just writing to lemony, which he actually hasn’t done for a while, now that I think about it.

violet: why don’t you just visit him? i’m sure he’d love to see you.

ramona: he makes me send the letters to a post office box. I do not know that man’s address.

violet: ……...that sounds about right.

(bea still does not find out until the hotel shenanigans, though.)

(I love ‘beatrice got me in the divorce’ like that’s fucking hilarious, cause I picture ramona as lemony and bea’s best friend so when they aren’t together it’s like…...well, what happens to ramona???? WHO DOES RAMONA HANG OUT WITH?? WHO GETS CUSTODY OF RAMONA)

(but also like, wtf lemony and ramona write to each other and bea never finds out???? I mean ramona was their best friend so like yes I think they do keep in contact but then does ramona never tell lemony about klaus????? and for them to write to each other and ramona to get these letters and BEA IS IN THE SAME HOUSE??????? I can’t tell if this is just angsty or poor thinking through on my part

but like ramona has to know for the reveal scene here to work out right, otherwise she’d never guess specifically violet

unless I rewrite the scene, but? nope. i’m committed to this ribbon reveal. I like it a lot. fuck it.

THIS WAS WHY I TOOK OUT BERTRAND AND OLIVIA AS CUTE PEN PALS auuuuuggggggg

I don’t know I mean. it is weird and stretching this (already shenanigans-filled) fic a little but. I don’t think it’s the WORST illogical thing I can stick in here. and they are friends, they can write to each other, just, yeah, probably not a lot and they actually probably don’t talk about the kids a lot, cause then lemony would know about both kids and since r wouldn’t tell bea she was writing to lemony bea wouldn’t know anything at all about violet and THAT’S what’s not good (although r telling lemony about klaus is cute i’m gonna have to nix it here. no can do.), so yeah r probs never brings up klaus and lemony rarely brings up violet, he probably only mentions the ribbon thing back when she was really really young because of how much it reminded him of bea and lemony was One Sad Man in his twenties trying to cope with the emotional reality of raising a child that reminded him of his wife and needed to tell someone

that is a lot of weight on ramona though and she doesn’t say anything but lemony apologizes for bringing it up in the next letter anyway and actually after that they probably talk a lot less cause it’s hard on both of them)

(writing is hard! writing is hard.)

ramona: so what’s your plan now?

violet: first, I have to make a phone call.

VIOLET CALLS KLAUS, keeping in mind the concept of time zones a little bit better than hallie and annie

violet: so, it turns out that mother is engaged????

klaus: engaged????? to who?????

violet: this man named bertrand, and, honestly, klaus, he’s such a nice person, he brought me, well he brought you, an atlas –

klaus: oh. that is very nice.

violet: it’s the sort of atlas you could probably use to incapacitate a reasonably-sized adult.

klaus: wow.

violet: and mother said that apparently she knew him when she was younger, and they get along so well, but –

klaus, remembering the picture he found with the extra candygrams: wait

klaus: is he sort of tall, and thin, and blonde

klaus: and sort of, idly optimistic

violet: yes! although I would say more….calmly steadfast

klaus: hmmm

klaus, trying to describe bertrand’s facial expression in this picture: disarmingly kind?

violet: humorously honest?

klaus: I think father has a picture of him in his desk!

violet: !!!!

[myth: confirmed!]

klaus: and some notes from high school from mother and him!

violet: !!! klaus, based on some other things i’ve found, I think all of them might have had feelings for each other.

klaus: !! that makes a considerable amount of sense here. if they all still do, that could make this much easier.

violet: but we won’t know for sure unless –

bernadette: who are you two talking about???

klaus: BERNADETTE

violet: bernadette, are you on the extension again

bernadette: well why wouldn’t I be?

bernadette: it sounds like you guys are talking about bertrand.

violet: how do you know who bertrand is?

bernadette: dad talks about him all the time???

bernadette: well, not when uncle lemony’s around

bernadette: he sent dad that book of poetry that mom immediately burned

bernadette: the elephant guy?

violet: …….oh, now that you mention it! that’s right!

klaus: wait why did your mother burn the book

violet: aunt kit has very little patience for certain poetry.

klaus: she doesn’t like john godfrey saxe??

violet: it’s a big deal, it’s best not to get into it.

violet: look, I think what we need to do is get everyone together and sort this all out.

violet: we’re scouting hotels this week for the reception, you can come here and meet up with us at one of them!

MEANWHILE, kit finds bernadette on the extension, for an honestly longer than usual length of time (bernadette does eavesdrop regularly), and also klaus on the phone in general (and violet rarely uses the phone, like, as a phone. usually she’s taking the phone apart), and really, nothing gets past kit fucking snicket. (you know kit denouement does have a great fucking ring to it, but as I said before, just try and tell me she didn’t insist on keeping her maiden name when she got married.)

so she goes and finds klaus and hears the end of the above conversation and is like ‘oh shit, they totally switched on lemony and bea, what badass kids’

[what if she tries to corner bernadette first

kit: bernadette, I didn’t know you knew anyone to call on the phone.

bernadette, without missing a fucking beat: I called the international operator to ask about time zones, but she caught me up in a conversation about soap operas and whether or not their use of sudden death is considered theatrically cathartic or not.

bernadette: I told her it happens way too often for it to be cathartic.

kit is too impressed to counter her. kit loves her daughter so fucking much.]

so then she sort of shows up in klaus’s doorway when he goes to leave the room after the phone call, arms crossed over her chest

kit: is there something you’d like to talk about?

kit can be outrageously intimidating but kit is also, actually, a pretty good parent

kit, significantly more gently: just between you and me, klaus.

klaus: …..maybe.

kit: come on, let’s go for a walk. you can tell me all about it.

klaus: it’s a long story.

kit: well, good, I like long stories.

klaus: are you going to tell father?

kit: don’t you think you should tell him?

klaus: do you think he’ll be upset?

kit: oh, not at all. more with himself than you, anyway. once, violet was responsible for wiping out the electricity of the whole city, and he gave her two slices of cake for dessert and said he should’ve bought more books on electrical wiring.

lemony is appropriately concerned and horrified and thrilled to see his son, like, oh my god, but the moment is taken over by the urgency of the situation because klaus says he has something to tell all of them that cannot wait

[forgive me for not writing that one out.]

klaus: so it seems like mother is getting married

lemony: oh

lemony: well

lemony: like haircuts, marriage – marriage comes to all of us, at some point –

klaus: to bertrand?

kit, lemony, and dewey: /STUNNED, DEAD SILENCE

kit: oh my.

dewey: what are the odds?

lemony: I think I can die now. I believe i’m ready.

bernadette: why don’t you just go see them and work this all out???

lemony: bernadette, I don’t know if life works like that.

bernadette: uncle lemony, you’re going to ruin all my bright-eyed optimism.

dewey: sometimes I think I didn’t have anything to do with you at all, bernadette. I think you just sprang, fully-formed, from your mother’s head.

kit: don’t be vulgar, dewey. ….thank you, though.

kit: but really I don’t see any other way to sort this out than by going to see beatrice and bertrand.

[this was one of the very first conversations I wrote for this and I am still very attached to it, even though I find dewey so hard to write, I haven’t yet figured out how I think he functions with these guys, especially kit, which I should maybe have done sooner but, what can you do.]

[also I feel like it just makes more sense in this for them to KNOW bea is engaged]

[I’m putting this in here because honestly……….in the movie once elizabeth realizes the switch she does not spend nearly enough time hugging hallie constantly or getting to know her, I get that seeing your ex-husband for the first time in eleven years is A Lot but YOUR DAUGHTER WHO YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IN ELEVEN YEARS AS WELL IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE] [also makes up for not writing klaus revealing himself as klaus, i’m so sorry.]

lemony: klaus?

klaus: ?

lemony: I – please don’t think that I didn’t love you. because I do, and I have thought about you every second of every day, I promise you. and there are many things that I should have done as your father, and many things that I cannot make up to you, but I want you to know that whatever happens with this, I have always loved you. and I am sorry.

so i’ve always pictured that klaus (besides looking reasonably like bea anyway, in any universe) gets angry like she does, and bea gets that sort of like, quiet cool hatred that turns into full-blown shouting really quickly and she will pull no punches and just fucking give it to you!!!!! and klaus has some sort of version of that and like look I put a lot of thought into ‘adult problems fucking over small children as those adults fervently avoid those problems’ when I wrote babybea so like

man, of course klaus can be angry at his parents for like???? never trying to work things out???? this is the first time in almost ten years he’s seen his father and his sister and he has an aunt and an uncle (and another uncle he hasn’t even seen!) and a cousin he never knew about because of lemony and bea being stubborn and stupid and recklessly young!!!!! I think violet is honestly less mad about it (well, she gets a little mad about it later on, but like, being raised by lemony, she has this weird way of trying to rationalize things while feeling really guilty about it, but that’s scenes away from right here – or she just? maybe internalizes it more.) but klaus is like, he’s not totally angry but like, as himself, face to face with lemony, lemony talking to him like a parent and about klaus and not about bea or violet or shenanigans or anything, like, yeah, he’s a little angry that it’s just….taken this long and that lemony and bea are so stupid

klaus is an angry crier. and an angry hugger. so that’s what he does.

like it’s hard to suddenly have a relationship with a family member whose never….been that to you before or made themselves available like that or just generally been there at all, and as much as I want them all having a good time, bea and lemony have some shit to work out with their kids

THEY HAVE A GOOD HUG, IS THE POINT

and I want to say that like they spend some time together after this and…….yeah they probs do it’s just gonna be weird re: the previous paragraph so…….maybe they just sit around and read and occasionally point things out to each other, that sounds chill and legit, doesn’t ask a lot of either of them

SO, that brings us to, later that night, when lemony can Officially Panic

kit: so

kit: you seem a little tense, brother mine.

lemony: I am NOT going to break up a marriage between two loving people who care about each other and happen to have incredibly pleasant facial features and are two people I myself still care about a great deal despite not having seen either of them for a lengthy amount of time

lemony: we’re only going to switch the children back, and I will talk to beatrice, about something, and I don’t have to say anything at all to bertrand, and that’s going to be it. that’s all. nothing beyond that.

kit: that would be a more powerful statement if you weren’t packing every single fancy tie you own.

lemony: really.

lemony: we’re not going to think any more into this.

lemony: that’s all we’re going to do.

lemony: which tie should I wear?

kit: well, definitely don’t pick one of the ones you’re strangling in a death grip.

(hey, where is jacques in this??????????? wish I knew)

(he’s probably regularly out of town, maybe he happens to call home and bernadette is the one to pick up the phone and she’s like “we’re going to see aunt beatrice, I think we’ll be back in a week or something?” and then immediately hangs up because dewey calls her for something, and jacques is left, miles and miles away, standing in a phone booth and wondering if, perhaps, he should maybe visit his siblings more often so they don’t go tearing off to california

jacques: kit what the hell is going on

kit: what, didn’t bernadette tell you?

lemony: ask him what tie I should wear

kit: we’re embarking on the adventure of a lifetime, jacques, it’s your own fault that you decided to go out of town this weekend, I really don’t know what to tell you

lemony: ask him what tie I should wear

kit: /sighs

kit: what tie should your brother wear

jacques: the one with the single blue stripe, it brings out his eyes, what are you two doing

kit: really, jacques, you need to pay more attention

kit: lemony, he says the one with the blue stripe

lemony: oh, good. tell him he’s a lifesaver.

kit: lemony says you’re a lifesaver, although I have yet to see real proof of this, however I will consider changing my mind if you happen to bring me a souvenir. please remember that I could use a new set of nice, engraved fountain pens. also our plane is leaving soon and we need to pack, so bye, loser

jacques: ………………….

jacques: what did I do to deserve this)

(jacques, in any universe, is eternally pained by his siblings)

this being a rehearsal dinner brings it very close to, you know, an actual wedding date, and the thing is, I have planned a completely different wedding-related fic, weddings are EXPENSIVE AND, YOU KNOW, TIME-CONSUMING, PLANNED IN ADVANCE, ALL THAT SHIT

but the whole reason there’s a wedding in the parent trap in general is because, if meredith and nick are just dating, there’s no commitment, marriage means COMMITMENT and A TIME CONSTRAINT and meredith wants his fucking money

so yeah bea and bertrand ARE engaged and planning to get married and plans have happened but the idea of this being so close to the rehearsal dinner makes me sad about all those ‘yeah i’m gonna have to cancel’ phone calls someone is gonna have to make, which is, well, pretty silly, but still, I Hate feeling uncomfortable esp when reading things like that (or even just, thinking of them in advance)

and that is why they are scouting hotels for the reception. (don’t ask me where the denouement is. I do not know.)

so bea + co get to the hotel first, and the only people who know lemony + co will be there are violet and ramona

ramona, hanging back to talk to violet while bea and bertrand and olivia (she has a good eye for decorating.) go ahead: do you know what you’re going to do?

violet: well, I thought maybe we would just

violet: all bump into each other?

violet: and go from there??

ramona thinks that’s an exceptionally courageous take on this and that, yep that girl sure is bea’s daughter

[yeah bea still has NO IDEA ANY OF THIS IS HAPPENING ramona is A+ at keeping secrets

meanwhile, sometime later-

olivia: you didn’t tell me?????

ramona: olivia, I love you dearly but you can’t keep a secret to save your life

[oh, yikes, re: legit asoue canon]

olivia: ……..okay, you have a point.]

it is at this moment that lemony + co arrive, and bertrand, who had backtracked for a moment because he realized he dropped a pen, immediately runs into dewey, who had stopped near the door to examine the hotel brochures and ambiance in more detail (you can take the boy out of the hotel but you can’t take the hotel out of the boy)

[based on penultimate peril, I always thought bertrand and dewey were very good friends and had bonded over absurd poetry, and, of course, based on kit burning the poetry book, are still in contact – there’s much less of a sense of forced distance between bertrand and dewey, because dewey’s just lemony’s brother-in-law and bertrand was friends with dewey first so they’re still good friends but like most adults they have a hard time committing to keeping in contact regularly especially with the distance and haven’t physically seen each other for some time]

so they bump into each other –

bertrand: dewey!!

bertrand: it’s been ages, what are you doing here, how are you!!!

[dewey denouement, much in the way that olivia caliban can’t keep a fucking secret, cannot fucking lie.]

dewey: oh, um

dewey: you know

dewey: hotel conference!!

dewey: kit wanted to travel!!!!

dewey: we’re traveling FOR a hotel conference!!!

dewey: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE CURTAINS, BERTRAND

bertrand: ……..dewey, you’ve never been very good at lying.

dewey: no, no I really haven’t.

dewey: forgive me for everything, bertrand.

bertrand: you might have to be a little more specific.

beatrice: bertrand, have you – dewey??

dewey: oh no

beatrice, remembering dewey and kit are married, suddenly battling sheer terror the likes of which she has never experienced: how….how are you

dewey: I could be better. I could definitely be better.

beatrice: is kit here?

bertrand: I believe they’re here to look at the curtains.

dewey: we’re definitely here to look at curtains.

beatrice: ….they don’t have curtains in england

dewey, grasping at straws: not….like these….?

MEANWHILE back at the ranch, lemony backtracks outside because he dropped a pen, narrowly missing three adults awkwardly talking about curtains

olivia: beatrice, we’ll be late for the wine tasting if we don’t go soon.

beatrice: oh – well, dewey, it was….nice to see you

dewey: please, go enjoy your wine.

bertrand: /waves good-bye!!!!

klaus and bernadette, hiding behind a nearby ficus, because bernadette thinks fast and has her own specific idea about how this should go and it doesn’t involve her relatives meeting again because of her father talking about curtains: wow.

violet: /narrowly avoids getting swept up into the wine tasting, darts for the elevator to try and locate klaus + co

MEANWHILE back at the ranch, upstairs, in their hotel room

lemony: why did I think I could do this

lemony: how do I approach a couple here to scout locations for a wedding reception?

kit: ….you approach them

dewey: don’t talk about curtains, maybe.

lemony: i’m not – dewey, what do curtains have to do with this?

dewey: trust me, just don’t talk about them.

there is a knock at the door. lemony has seen death. this is it, for him.

anyway, it’s violet.

klaus: violet!

violet: klaus!

awkward sibling hug sincere sibling hug!!

violet: klaus, please take your glasses back.

klaus: oh, thank you. my spare pair just doesn’t feel the same as these.

lemony: violet!

now, seeing the two of them together, he can absolutely tell the difference between them. ain’t that just the way.

lemony hugs his daughter like she’s going to disappear right out of his arms and then hugs klaus for good measure and he has to try and ignore the true roller coaster of emotions that puts him through and then tries to look very stern.

lemony: i’m not disappointed in the two of you but I cannot believe you switched on your mother and me. that was very….

lemony is not good at being angry at his children, he has no real concept of it.

lemony: ….clever. it was very clever.

violet and klaus are very proud but find it in themselves to try and look a little chagrined. they don’t do it very well.

violet: father, you really need to talk to mother.

klaus: and bertrand.

lemony: both of you know about bertrand??

klaus: you and mother are very transparent about him.

MEANWHILE back at the ranch, at the wine tasting

ramona: what do you think?

beatrice and bertrand, equally lost in thought about the presence of dewey, the implied presence of kit, and the possibility of the presence of lemony: hm??

bertrand: oh, yes

beatrice: wine

beatrice: /downs entire glass

beatrice: /sets down glass

beatrice: not that one.

bertrand, who has been holding the same glass for the past twenty minutes and has no idea which wine that even was: definitely not.

MEANWHILE back. at. the. ranch.

lemony’s children have such boundless courage (I have hurt myself so many times while writing this fanfic with the occasional too-on-point line and this in particular wounds me these kids are so strong and so important and won’t take no for an answer compared to their parents and get the chance to get their parents to FIX THINGS and oh no i’m gonna cry) and have dragged him downstairs to the lobby, with the INTENTION of having him run into bea and bertrand

lemony: this is not going to work out –

violet: nonsense!

klaus: it’s going to work perfectly.

meanwhile, bea and bertrand leave the wine tasting

bertrand: ….did we come to a conclusion, about the wine?

beatrice: no, I don’t think so.

bertrand stops by the bathroom to wash his hands for something to do as he’s consumed with thoughts (not about wine), beatrice is in a daze as she goes through the lobby, violet notices her but sees she’s not with bertrand and decides she has to stall

violet, rushing over, purposely trying to block beatrice’s view with varying success: mother, how was the wine tasting?

beatrice: oh, it was –

did you remember violet gave klaus his glasses back?

beatrice: klaus, what happened to your –

and, well.

beatrice looks at her so hard and processes kit and dewey being here and then it fucking hits her like (forgive me. forgive me so hard.) a harpoon to the chest

beatrice: ….violet?

violet: yes.

beatrice: but – how –

klaus, appearing next to her: it’s a truly fascinating chain of events we’d like to tell you, but –

hey! beatrice is stunned and horrified! and grabs her daughter into a hug, knowing now that it’s her daughter and has been this whole time and!!!! she feels so awful with herself for not noticing but is also trying to not make a big deal out of it and startle violet by sobbing uncontrollably on her shoulder but beatrice is simultaneously devastated and filled with so much love and she’s for sure going to break apart now

beatrice: and klaus –

she’s hugging them both now, it’s very good.

beatrice, in tears: you two are lucky you’re so cute

violet: mother, there’s someone we’d very much like you to talk to.

beatrice knows somewhere in the back of her mind that it’s lemony but is also not even thinking of lemony because, her children

klaus: /tries to wave lemony over

lemony: /trying and failing to hide behind a ficus, have you seen a ficus, have you seen lemony

violet: /ALSO WAVING

beatrice can’t miss that for the world.

beatrice, while turning around: what are you two –

imagine, if you will, lemony snicket trying to hide behind a potted ficus that hits about mid-chest.

also imagine, if you will, two people who divorced over eleven years ago, still have too many feelings about each other, split up their children for their stupidity, have been trying to avoid the knowledge that both of them are there for the past hour, and are now confronted with the reality of their lives right in front of them

…….besides the ficus.

lemony, stepping out from behind the ficus: hello, bea.

this is a headcanon i’ve long held, since I first started writing asoue fanfic, but, bertrand and lemony say ‘bea’ differently, especially in canon, like particularly in canon, so it’s like less so here but lemony still says her name with so much love, and bertrand says it with love too but lemony has known beatrice for so so long and here they are after years apart and here he is saying her name again, and he never ever ever expected to say it like that again, he never even DREAMED of saying it to her again, but it’s real

beatrice: lemony snicket.

violet: as nice as this is for us –

klaus: – we’re going to allow you three the time you need to discuss assorted events.

at this moment (of course), bertrand reemerges.

bertrand: bea, I –

he sees violet and klaus rushing off, looking delighted, and bea and lemony standing there still trying to process words, and then there’s bertrand, frantically thinking ‘abort mission, ABORT MISSION’

because. the way they turn and look at him, in tandem, like they did all the time in high school, immediately makes bertrand feel like they’re there, back in high school, back at prom, here’s the two absolute loves of his life standing in front of him and bertrand is filled with delight but also fear because, here it is, they all have to deal with it now

(all of them are thinking that, the three of them, standing there, there is not a single trace of jealously but instead there is so much love and regret and it’s, heart-wrenching)

and here is where he loses all his Chill™.

bertrand: you know what, i’m gonna – go –

bertrand: /trips over a chair

lemony: oh –

beatrice: bertrand!

bertrand: totally fine, still alive, i’m – they have such a nice gift shop, you know, i’m – i’ll be there

bertrand: /high-tails it practically out of existence

beatrice and lemony: ….

lemony: he – he still has a very nice running form.

beatrice: yeah, I think so.

lemony: well, bea

lemony: or does everyone call you beatrice now?

beatrice: no, no, bea – bea is fine. bertrand still calls me bea.

[beatrice starts to laugh. “it’s – man, it’s funny, isn’t it?”

lemony smiles at her. “what is?”

“i’m going to marry your high school crush,” beatrice giggles, “who’s still – still in love with you.” she stops. “you know, that’s actually really not as funny as it sounded in my head,” she says, frowning.]

they have dinner!!! and talk. about. stuff. do violet and klaus recreate the night lemony and bea met or the wedding or something????? idk honestly. like at least they didn’t get married UPON MEETING I MEAN LIKE COME ON (although somehow that is very them, but, come on, this backstory is good and solid and I love characters that grow)

maybe they just pool their allowances and give their parents a banging night out (which is pretty much just. dinner.)

beatrice: I see that cut on your forehead healed up nice

lemony: yes, anna karenina left very little lasting damage –

both: – except to anna karenina.

they pause, and then just, fucking burst out laughing, this is a horrible old joke for them that they made up when they were in school because anna karenina was the biggest book either of them owned (neither of them were particularly interested in war and peace) but was somehow sort of light and if you dropped it it really didn’t do much damage, which they thought was funny re: the size of the book and the subject matter

beatrice throws it at lemony during the fight that ends with their divorce and it’s the first time it actually hurts something

lemony: so, how is bertrand

lemony: I don’t think i’ve seen him since – well, since before the twins were born.

beatrice: oh, he’s – he’s doing really, really well. he’s a librarian, and – we keep joking about how many more books klaus and I will be able to read. lemony, he’s got the magazine editions of hammett –

lemony: w h a t

lemony: does he even have the –

beatrice: yep. he has the unfinished story. i’ve seen it.

lemony: I knew I liked that man for a reason

THERE IS SUCH A WEIGHTY PAUSE.

lemony: that is, hammett, obviously. I mean, the continental op is one of the quintessential fictional detectives, and hammett’s novels –

beatrice: you did like him, didn’t you

beatrice: when we were in school, you looked at him the same way you looked at me.

lemony: oh, no

lemony: I looked at you with a rapt adoration and I looked at bertrand like he was a puzzle I couldn’t solve. I have that on good authority from my sister.

beatrice: oh, right, right.

lemony: ….but I did, didn’t I. I did like him very much.

lemony: I don’t think anyone disliked him.

beatrice: that wasn’t quite what I asked, lemony.

lemony: ….what do you want me to say, bea? that I saw him there, with you, and couldn’t even find it in me to be jealous because the sight of you two together made me so unbelievably happy that I forgot how to breathe? that I – that I wondered, for a moment, if, twelve years later, we could – if I –

lemony: ….i don’t believe this conversation is supposed to be about bertrand.

beatrice: …….no, I – I suppose not.

lemony: that day, when you asked me to leave –

beatrice: you mean when I shouted at you to leave.

lemony: I was trying to be kind.

beatrice: lemony, I for sure shouted at you.

lemony: no, bea, I – I thought things would be better if I left. if you didn’t have to put up with me, because you clearly didn’t want to. and I didn’t make it easy for you, back then. there were many things I overlooked about both of us, things I hid from both of us, things I should have talked about with you. and I didn’t.

beatrice: ….oh.

lemony: I thought that loving the person that I wanted you to be was enough for the person that I wanted to be. obviously, it wasn’t, because you asked me to leave and I left. I never even looked back.

beatrice: ….lemony, I don’t think anything would’ve been enough for either of us. I asked a lot of you, too. I didn’t want you to see anything bad about me, and you didn’t, but the longer we were like that, the more I just – the more I really hated you for it. you just saw what you wanted to. and, well, what I wanted you to. I think I kind of hated me, too.

beatrice: sometimes, I think, what would’ve happened if we’d stayed together and I don’t know if I like that either. not that it was – okay, what we did. because it wasn’t. and we might’ve changed or we might’ve fucked up even worse, I don’t know, and i’ll never know.

beatrice: but lemony, seeing her now, I regret every single second I haven’t spent with her because of it.

lemony: I know.

beatrice, who’s a little angry cause she hates when lemony says that to her and her temper gets away from her: do you?

lemony, who’s just regretting all his life choices and knows he fully deserves beatrice’s ire: ….i’ve missed so much of his life.

beatrice, voice breaking: ….yeah.

man, these are some really miserable parents.

beatrice: we should – I don’t know, you know, what we’re gonna do, with – us – but we should – they, they should see each other. we can’t do that to them again.

lemony: I agree.

beatrice: you know, we have some pretty clever kids. I would never – okay, maybe, but I don’t know – have had the balls to switch places with someone on the other side of the world.

lemony: we do, don’t we?

lemony: I know we didn’t do a great deal right, but, maybe we did, with them.

beatrice: ….yeah, maybe we did.

beatrice: not every day two people have kids like ours.

lemony: …….can I be honest with you, bea?

beatrice: …okay.

lemony: i’m glad they switched places. i’m – i’m glad I got to see you. and bertrand. and you.

beatrice: i’m glad you came, lemony.

[all these conversations starring two people steadfastly trying to avoid that they are still in love with each other but also trying to really acknowledging they have Real Problems, brought to you by one (1) woman struggling to get two characters to talk about their problems but also the idea of introducing a third person into their already rocky relationship, don’t mind me just casually dying over here, this was harder than I thought]

beatrice, feeling the weight of this conversation and knowing they done fucked up in the past but also desperately wishing she and lemony could go back to where they were before only better and just trying to figure out where they’re gonna go from here, girl’s doing her best here, and you know what, so am i: so, um

beatrice: fuck, marry, kill

beatrice: continental op, nick charles, sam spade.

lemony, going through incredibly similar emotions: ….

lemony: do you want me to give my virtue to one man and then marry another

beatrice: why do you always take this game so literally

beatrie: I am banging nick charles, but I am marrying the continental op for job stability, and I am killing sam spade where he stands

lemony: bea, no, you can’t just kill sam spade like that

lemony: how about, I take the continental op to dinner, I have a pleasant night with nick charles –

beatrice: I like that we’d both fuck william powell.

lemony: we’ve both seen william powell. no one wouldn’t.

lemony: but sam spade, though, I don’t think it’s so clear cut as all that –

they’ve really!! grown a lot!! they’re really trying to talk this out!!! a little, at least!!! be adults!!!! talk like they didn’t eleven years ago!!!!!! they’re so stupid and they’re trying so hard!!!! my kids………….

this is definitely not the only conversation they’re gonna have about this, like it’s Good that they’ve said this but there’s. a lot more they need to talk about and will probably talk about, just not right now

anyway, LATER –

the continuing saga of two people Not Talking and then Talking About Certain Things and then Inadvertently Talking About The Things They Didn’t Want To And Not Quite Realizing It

lemony: at the hotel

lemony: you, ah, said something about bertrand

beatrice: !!!!

beatrice: ooo, we are talking about him, hmm?

lemony: bea.

beatrice: fine, fine. yes, that he’s still in love with you.

lemony: is he really?

beatrice: I think he is.

beatrice: you still didn’t really answer me before, when I asked if you still felt the same about him.

lemony: ….does it matter, if you’re going to marry him?

beatrice: of course it matters! i’m not – i’m not marrying bertrand to, prove a point or anything, or – say I like him better than you, I – i’m marrying him because I, I love him, but I don’t – that’s not all there is to this.

beatrice: I mean, we didn’t get divorced because of bertrand, that was all on us, but – seeing both of you, sometimes I feel like – maybe – we – maybe we could’ve made it work. not if we had bertrand, but with him. now.

beatrice: and, and that’s a lot, to ask you – I know – it’s a lot to ask both of us, especially after everything, but – do you?

lemony: ….bea.

beatrice: lemony.

lemony: ….i feel that, in the interest of the past eleven years, we should perhaps talk to him before I make a concrete decision about that personal feeling.

beatrice: well, that’s – that’s a wise choice.

they are, quiet, for a while

it’s a lot to think about, you know?? there’s a lot to this

lemony: …….but I think I do.

beatrice: you think you do?

lemony: I think I do.

beatrice: I think I do, too.

there is a little more silence because they’re like ‘!!!!! well that’s SOMETHING REALLY BIG TO THINK ABOUT’ especially because they haven’t like totally committed back to a relationship with each other and there is!! still!!! so!! much!!!! but, they’re thinking about it now, and they’re, sort of floaty-happy because it’s like, wow, wow, this is a possibility, they can

maybe

push it, a little, and see what happens, maybe maybe

lemony: well, you should, you are marrying him.

beatrice: shhh, you are ruining the rhythm.

lemony: I think –

beatrice: you think?

lemony: it’s been known to happen.

beatrice: mmm, I don’t think so

[it’s hard to tell because there’s generally very little concept of outside action/feelings when getting down scenes this way but these few lines are supposed to be v cute and soft and just the tiniest bit flirty]

lemony: trust me, I have had many a thought.

beatrice: well, I think –

lemony: you think, now, do you

beatrice: I do indeed, lemony snicket.

[god. lemony wants to kiss her so fucking bad. beatrice wants to keep teasing him until he does kiss her. they’re very close. he just. smooths her hair behind her ear and takes a step back.]

lemony: I think we should talk to bertrand.

beatrice: yeah. we should. we should probably do that.

MEANWHILE.

I want bertrand to bond with these kids with all my heart so that’s what fucking happens while bea and lemony are dealing with their problems

they play a rousing game of scrabble. it’s usually a game I give the snicket siblings because of their vicious playing styles (which is just based on me and my brother playing scrabble) BUT I love scrabble a lot and I think it’s super cute if bertrand hangs out with violet and klaus and they play board games, it’s distressingly endearing to me, violet trying to sneak in names of inventors on the board and klaus being insistent on following the rules of the game and bertrand trying to come up with a sufficient compromise

bertrand: okay, so, last names are allowed, but only if you can also include the first initial, initialisms by themselves are not allowed, and foreign words and phrases are on a case-by-case basis, providing I can translate it and you’re not trying to put down something inappropriate.

klaus: what about scientific names?? can I put down binomial nomenclature

violet: hey how do you spell binomial

klaus: b-i-n-o-m-i-a-l

violet: oh, how neat.

violet: /puts it down on the scrabble board

klaus: ….

violet: :)

bertrand: it looks like you can put down binomial nomenclature.

bertrand: but yes, I will allow actual nomenclature, klaus.

klaus is deathly quiet for the next few turns until he manages to put down nomenclature. (which I think is achievable, with enough luck.)

klaus: actual. nomenclature.

violet: so that’s how it’s gonna be, huh

bertrand: okay, references to previous conversations are no longer allowed, let’s try this again

eventually they stop playing the damn game and come up with their own wildly specific set of rules for playing scrabble, and bea and lemony come back to a lot of paper and a lot of scrabble tiles and violet and klaus sitting on either side of bertrand on the couch, helping him write this rule list

and bea and lemony want to comment about how they’re not even playing scrabble, but watching bertrand interact with their kids and be so soft and patient with them is the most distressingly heartwarming thing they’ve seen in a long time

they both have the immediate thought of ‘holy fuck I wanna kiss that man,’ which is followed by ‘holy f u c k maybe a relationship between all of us could work’

lemony: bertrand.

bertrand: ?

lemony: could we talk?

there is no camping trip! instead we got NEARBY HOTEL SHENANIGANS and THREE PEOPLE ON A DATE AT A LOCAL FAIR, TRYING TO FEEL THINGS OUT

imagine your average carnival-fair sort of thing with Rides and Games and Absurd Amounts of Cotton Candy and That Super Salty But Still Real Good Popcorn

bertrand and lemony arrive first and bea specifically gets there late so bertrand and lemony can actually talk, because honestly this is the only time I can see in all this that these two would be able to talk to each other uninterrupted

and they all know they’re there for the weirdest date ever but bertrand still feels the need to clear the air

bertrand: lemony, I don’t want you to think that I was waiting your marriage out or anything, I didn’t even know you two weren’t together until last year, and I didn’t even intend to see bea, it just happened on accident –

lemony: bertrand, it’s fine.

lemony: beatrice and I aren’t married anymore, you don’t have to explain anything.

bertrand: ….sometimes I feel like i’ve wanted to explain everything to you, for the past fifteen years.

[bertrand ‘breaking my fucking heart again’ baudelaire…….]

bertrand: that’s – silly, isn’t it.

lemony: no. I don’t think so.

bertrand: I never got the chance to say it. well, actually I don’t think I ever let myself say it, because I had plenty of chances! especially at prom, I could’ve changed everything! but you and bea were so – I wanted you two more than anything else in the whole entire world, but I didn’t want to hurt you two or what we had. I think I did, though.

bertrand: and, and I really shouldn’t blame myself or anyone for these stupid mistakes that happened when we were just kids, because we were just kids!

bertrand: I mean, we’re right here, right now, and i’m – i’m really looking forward to this, lemony.

[lemony, much like me, is momentarily dazzled by how fucking genuine bertrand is]

lemony: so am I.

lemony: ….i kept those candygrams you sent me when we were all in high school because they were remarkably sweet and I treasure them dearly

bertrand: !!

lemony is so nervous and I love him and you know when you get nervous and you just sort of spill weird secrets to people, especially when it’s the person you like???? that’s that

they look at each other for a moment and then start laughing and it’s the kind that starts kind of soft and then they’re just rampantly giggling and being dorks and I love them both so damn much okay

and because they haven’t regularly seen each other in you know fifteen years they spend some time. talking about their lives. there’s a lot of things they don’t know about each other!

lemony and bertrand like make a vague show of trying to win bea some prize and they suck and they stand to the side and talk while bea wins herself a prize and she runs back over to them and just looks so proud of herself, winning this…….thing (it’s very much “i don’t know if it’s a duck or a panda, but I want one.”)

lemony: is it a…….hmmm

bertrand: ….those are cat ears, right

beatrice: what, no, they’re wolf ears

lemony: it has webbed feet, though

bertrand: it’s a platypus! oh, no, not with all those feathers.

lemony: it could easily be a duck, I suppose

beatrice: BUT THE EARS

bertrand: a penguin!

lemony: a grackle

bertrand: a goose!

beatrice: THE E A R S

lemony and bertrand share an obnoxious amount of cotton candy, and honestly it’s the date they all should’ve had in high school, a date that would’ve changed everything, and man, they’re having so much fun and maybe they could do this, lemony has never been so happy and bertrand is just this ball of delight and, it’s really beautiful, and beatrice is for sure thinking that and she’s having such a good time and she’s so happy

but then

she thinks, what if it DIDN’T change everything, what if they all got together in high school and tried to make it work and really fucked each other over, would they have been able to do it?? what really would’ve happened??? and they’re adults now, they’re better people but they have so much more to think about, there is so much more at stake now and beatrice is fucking terrified about what could happen, all of a sudden

and she’s been terrified for years about all the terrible things that could happen to klaus or her or ramona and olivia and even their stupid cat and she’s still trying to hide it so well and she does, she’s happy and creates such a good life for her son but she is so scared and she can’t keep running from it anymore by being impulsive or silly or shouting all the time, she has to face the reality of the situation that she really has to think this one through, what all three of them are going to do about this

she and lemony still have so many problems, and they both know that, they all know that!!! they aren’t going to solve them right away!!! and with bertrand there, maybe it’ll be harder!! maybe it won’t be easier!!! not that bertrand immediately makes things easier, in any universe!!! but especially here!!! you know!!! what if they don’t talk about anything because he’s there??? what if they avoid talking about everything so much in trying to be happy that they irreparably fuck them all over??? it’s been so long since all three of them were together, what if they can’t do this!! what if their kids don’t like them together, what if none of them can get along??? suddenly there are a lot more variables to this, and seeing it happen, bea is struck by everything they’re going to have to fix and all the ways it could go wrong and it’s not good

beatrice: …..what are we doing?

beatrice: and – and what if it doesn’t work out, this time?? what if we all try this and we can’t do it??

bertrand: do you think that little of yourself?

beatrice: no.

beatrice: i’m thinking about, what if I break my kid’s hearts, even worse than I already have? I can’t do that, not to them.

and, they get it. they love each other so much but this story isn’t about just the three of them anymore.

bertrand and bea decide not to get married. and even though they all know they still love each other, lemony and bea have violet and klaus to think of, so they all decide it would be for the best to go their separate ways.

violet and klaus are not happy, by any means. they are not happy to pack up all their stuff and know that nothing is going to work out, and it hurts, a lot, man

klaus, picking up his books: I really respect our parents and their chosen additional life partner but don’t you think they can be a little…..

violet, jamming her toolkit into a suitcase: stupid?

klaus: I was going to say stubborn

klaus: but stupid works too.

so they all say good-bye :( lemony, violet, kit and dewey and bernadette go home. (bernadette’s real upset no one got back together. she hides it well but she just sort of crams herself into her seat on the plane on the trip home and is just super bummed. I love this lil kid.) (I fondly remember when this outline was nowhere near over 20k and was just a short little thing and bernadette’s scenes just monopolized it….)

the thing I love about bea raising klaus is that, and I also feel this for canon too, klaus gets so so much of bea’s anger and short temper

like violet is a lot more calmer in the take no shit category but klaus will, like his mother, flip a table

klaus: mother, that was the most foolish thing you’ve ever done and you know it

beatrice: !

beatrice: don’t you – don’t you use that tone with me, klaus

beatrice: I am your mother

klaus: and you’re just going to let my father and my sister walk away from us???

beatrice: I – it’s more complicated than that!

klaus: how??

beatrice: klaus, would you want me to risk this, everything we have, on the off chance that your father and I could maybe sort out our differences?

klaus: you didn’t seem to have that many differences!

beatrice: there’s a lot of things you don’t know, klaus!

klaus: then tell me! you’re the one who’s always telling me I can do anything, and I just think it seems pretty rich of you to decide that that doesn’t apply to you, or that I don’t get to know everything about the people who are supposed to be my family!

klaus has a point, here, and beatrice realizes that, so she decides IN THAT INSTANT that, okay. fine. it’s time to do something about this and she can do something about this.

SO SHE GOES TO BERTRAND

bertrand: bea, what –

beatrice: I can’t – look, I can’t do this to my kids either, okay, I can’t keep them apart anymore, what – why did I think that was such a good idea in the first place??? so I wouldn’t see lemony?? so I wouldn’t work things out between us, because we were fucking kids when we were together and, and I sacrificed my relationship with my daughter because I was so petty and selfish, and i’m doing it again, bertrand!! i’m letting myself do it again after everything we all talked about because i’m so fucking scared but I – I can’t do this to myself, you know? I want – I want things to work out this time. with all of us. I want to make it work and i’m going to make it work and i’m going to go get my daughter and lemony, and I want you to come with us, if you want to come with us.

klaus, leaning out of the car window and shouting at beatrice and bertrand, who are standing on the steps of bertrand’s place: if I may interject, the plane we intend to catch does leave in half an hour, so you two should maybe hurry up a little

klaus: not to ruin your moment or anything!

bertrand, desperately: I want things to work out, bea, I do. but what if you were right and we can’t –

beatrice: i’m right about a lot of things, bertrand baudelaire, and i’m right about this.

bertrand, nodding and trying not to smile too much: ….okay. okay.

MEANWHILE

violet: ….are you mad at me?

lemony: what – violet, I could never be mad at you.

violet: but I – I went behind your back, and I tricked both of you, and I wasn’t even thinking about what you wanted, it – it was just what I wanted, and that wasn’t okay, I shouldn’t have interfered with you and mother at all, I feel so awful –

lemony: none of what happened was your fault, violet. not at all. it was mine. i’m sorry that I kept so much from you. it was incredibly unfair to you, and to klaus. I should have told you a long time ago.

violet: I never got to ask before, but why did you and mother get divorced?

lemony: ….we were very young, and very impulsive. and, also, incredibly scared. that’s not a good combination when you’re trying to make a life with someone.

violet: you two seemed to get along a little better, now.

lemony: well, eleven years is a lot of time. you get older, and you realize the mistakes you made in your youth could’ve been dealt with a lot more easily than you previously thought. you realize you were….

violet: stubborn?

lemony: stupid.

violet: what made it not work out, this time?

lemony: you also realize there are more important things to think about than yourself and what you want.

violet: !

violet: father, I didn’t want you to –

lemony: it wasn’t your call to make, violet.

violet: but it was yours about whether or not I get to see my brother? you were only thinking about what you wanted, too!

lemony: ….

violet: ….that was rude of me, i’m sorry.

lemony: no – don’t apologize, violet. please.

violet, still very angry but also just sad and concerned about how lemony has, in the intervening time between these two conversations, said very little: I thought bertrand was nice.

lemony: bertrand – bertrand is very nice.

so they get back home.

lemony: what would you like for dinner?

violet: I don’t think i’m all that hungry, father.

lemony: no, neither am I.

and lemony just sort of, wanders into the library with his hands in his pockets, because he’s somehow more miserable than he’s been in quite some time, and he’s expecting to just sit around and stare at his typewriter and not get anything done for the rest of the night or really for the foreseeable future, and the library is filled with so many books and so much stuff but it feels so empty to him now, and lemony himself feels empty and horrible about everything and he just stares at the floor without really seeing anything at all

AND THEN

klaus, sitting in one of the library chairs: father, did you know that the concorde gets you here in half the time?

[I just kept the line. I thought long and hard and could not for the life of me think of any other jazzy lil line.] [although yes sadly the concorde no longer exists]

[hey, if lemony and violet are here, and kit and dewey and bernadette were with them on the plane, who’s driving the bus who let bea and bertrand in the house???? cause in the movie it’s gotta be the grandfather

jacques, who had stopped at lemony’s house hoping that he could catch them before the flight but obviously not catching them, who stayed to water the plants: /exiting the house

beatrice, careening out of a taxi: JACQUES HOLD THE DOOR

jacques: !!!! beatrice?? what are you –

bertrand: we’ll have to tell you later, there’s no time!

jacques: bertrand????

klaus really only has time to wave.

all three of them: /BOLT PAST JACQUES INTO THE HOUSE AND SLAM THE DOOR SHUT, leaving jacques out there in the street

jacques: ……….]

anyway

lemony, STUNNED: klaus?

violet, dashing into the room because she heard her brother: klaus!

klaus: ideally we would’ve figured this out before you left, but when you did, we were not completely happy about it.

lemony, still trying to collect himself: you –

and there’s bea and bertrand, standing there, real as anything! really there!! in his library!!

and lemony walks towards them, because this isn’t a matter of, chasing anyone, it’s all of them coming together like this

beatrice: this is gonna work. the three of us, this is gonna work.

beatrice: what do you think?

and the thing. about lemony. is that what he wants more than anything else in this whole fucking world. is a family. particularly in canon, being separated from (reasonably dead) parents and growing apart from his siblings and losing those connections to people, he so desperately wants something that’s his and his own and that he can keep stable by himself

and I think he still feels that way even in whatever fucking world of an au this is, and of course he wants to be with bea and bertrand and to have klaus and violet because he loves them but he is also massively craving that stability of having his own family and like really having it this time, not fucking it up because he’s young and stupid and just as impulsive as bea

THE POINT IS THIS IS A LOT FOR HIM, OKAY, THIS MEANS SO MUCH, to get this!! second chance at all the things he totally fucked up before, PLUS the loves of his life!!!!

and like!!! there’s bertrand. there’s bertrand!!! standing there and reaching out to take lemony’s hand and lemony takes bea’s and bea takes bertrand’s other one and. the road they had to take to get here wasn’t. the best. all the time. they all made mistakes. some. worse than others. and this isn’t the end, right here, there’s still gonna be things they have to work out. and it’s gonna be okay because there’s beatrice and bertrand and lemony. they’re in the same room and no one’s scared.

lemony: yes.

beatrice: yes???

bertrand: yes?

lemony: yes.

there’s a lot of good hugging, people are kissed, comments are made about chapstick flavors, lots of laughter, violet and klaus are tearing up and thrilled beyond belief, everything is beautiful!!!!!

klaus: I can’t believe –

violet: – we actually did it!

and, of course, beatrice was right. about everything.

the following amount of time is filled with –

-lots of arguments.

-mostly between bea and lemony.

-although bertrand has his fair share of arguments with both of them.

-violet and klaus don’t speak to each other for two weeks under the pretense of disagreeing about a book’s theme but really because they’re not sure how to act around each other now that they’re both there, they’ve lived their whole lives as only children and this is what they wanted but it’s also something they didn’t think about having to adjust to

-there’s also this immediate reluctance to listen to anything bea and lemony tell them because they have to get used to parents now, too

-parents who aren’t currently super functioning as parents

-there’s a lot of second-guessing people’s intentions

-why did you say that?? the hell does that eyebrow mean???? you picked that song for a REASON and fuck you for that!!!! you don’t trust me to drive, do you???? I KNOW HOW TO MAKE A SANDWICH FOR MY CHILD THANK YOU VERY MUCH

-that sort of thing.

-in varying shades of seriousness.

-i know it sounds mostly like just bea screaming there but trust me the sentiment is shared by all of them in various ways and actions

-they don’t do it in front of violet and klaus though

-NO ONE KNOWS WHERE THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO LIVE NOW, do they stay in england or all go to california??? do they go somewhere else???????? what even (I don’t even know)

-(they probably do stay in england though. that’s what I was picturing while writing this.)

-violet and klaus do adjust to no longer being only children and realizing they have someone their age to rely on now who understands them

-they make blanket forts where violet designs these stands that will hold books up and periodically turn the page so they can lay on their backs and read and not worry about moving

-klaus reads up on inventors so he and violet can talk about them

-they argue with bea and lemony a little about weird things because violet and klaus are trying to figure out where they are with their parents now and how they’re supposed to act and bea and lemony are trying to figure out how to coordinate parenting while wanting to kill each other

-they institute family game night and try to best each other in cards or scrabble because they can handle that

-bertrand, of course, is in a very awkward position at this time

-like he’s around but he can’t take sides because that’s Weird and he’s not that kind of person anyway, and he wants to be there but he doesn’t quite know as what

-like, he was gonna marry bea!! and now he’s not. and he loves lemony!!! but he can’t do anything about it because bea and lemony have problems to work out!!! and bertrand loves both of them!! and they love him!!! they know they do!! he knows they do!!!!! but everything is very uncomfortable!!!

-like, bertrand needs to be on equal footing in this relationship too!

-he hangs out with dewey a lot and they become Poetry Buds again

-he participates in family game night

-bea and lemony are worried that bertrand is only going to see himself as like a peacemaker between them when he isn’t because he never has been and realizing that bertrand is a huge official permanent part of their lives now is a big thing for them

-hi, my name’s lulu and writing the navigation of relationships is hard!!!! it’s so fucking hard

-the three of them watch movies wednesday nights – bertrand picks the movies and he picks these really sweet romantic ones (cause that’s just the kind of movies he likes!!!) and it’s unbearably great

-they mean to watch the thin man movies (the ones with nick charles aka william powell aka the guy lemony and bea would both fuck if they had had the opportunity) over a series of weeks but wind up marathoning all six of them one night (and it takes all night)

-none of them can function the next day

-bertrand: I get it. i’d do it with nick charles, too.

-beatrice sings herself hoarse during a play rehearsal and can’t talk for a week

-she can’t sleep one night and lemony finds her in the kitchen and makes them both tea and they salute each other with the mugs

-bertrand takes up writing limericks and leaves them around the house and lemony finds one in the shower and slips from laughing so hard

-bertrand, in the hospital: I could’ve killed you with poetry

lemony: I mean, all things considered, it’s not the worst way to go. it’s better than next to a pile of books I was meaning to read, which I always thought to be much more likely. slipping in the shower because of a charming limerick about shoes? it’s not all that bad.

bertrand: I don’t know whether to take the compliment or be worried about how you’ve considered how you’re likely to die. please don’t die.

-beatrice shows up at the hospital and throws the stuffed animal from carnival night at lemony

lemony: oh, you didn’t have to give me your….ah….

bertrand: ….moose? have we guessed moose?

beatrice: the ears……….

-things get, better

-they take turns picking up the kids from school

-some kid: gee violet how come your mom lets you have two dads

violet: just lucky, I guess

-lemony helps beatrice rehearse her lines and they straight-up make out for an hour instead

-lemony and bertrand make dessert once a week and routinely end up covered in flour

-there is a household debate on ‘what species is the stuffed animal’ and ‘what are we going to name it,’ moderated by kit

-violet puts on a one-woman play that she and klaus wrote about hedy lamarr for her school’s talent show and receives a standing ovation

-lemony and bea and bertrand are in the front row and beatrice is full-on sobbing during the standing ovation

-they get bertrand a new record player for his birthday and all three of them dance to his records the whole night

-yes they ARE all falling in love with each other all over again it is very important to me that they’re all on the same page when they do that

-violet and klaus make bertrand a ‘best additional parent’ mug because they don’t quite know what to call him (they haven’t figured it out yet), like violet makes him a fucking mug in her glassblowing class (you ever seen someone glassblow a mug??? it’s great.) and klaus does this beautiful calligraphy label for it

-bertrand cries immediately, for the next hour of his life, and just carries it around because he doesn’t know where to put it

-beatrice: aww, that was so sweet of you two, to make – does that say ‘additional parent’

lemony: I believe it says ‘additional parent.’

violet: we did also consider ‘greatest poet’ but that had less of the feeling we wanted.

klaus: we do realize that ‘best’ is truly an unquantifiable concept, because there’s no one out there ranking parents, but we thought it was the most fitting.

it’s after that that they all decide to get married.

later on, sunny is born!! and she’s very upset she missed out on all these shenanigans.

[jacques comes back to find so many people in his brother’s house.

kit: well jacques, you really should be home more

lemony: yes, find a nice person

lemony: …...or two

kit: settle down, stop looking so surprised.

lemony: kit your daughter just leapt off the bookshelf and tackled my husband

kit: and am I surprised? no.]

[also jacques does not buy his sister a nice new set of engraved fountain pens.

kit: so did you get me a souvenir or not, jacques

jacques: souvenir? I thought you said

kit: JACQUES WE ARE ADULTS DON’T YOU DARE BEETHOVEN ME

jacques: edward lear

jacques: here’s this book of delightful nonsense poetry.

kit: how could you]

[while bea is pregnant with sunny –

bertrand: what about sunny?

lemony: bertrand baudelaire.

lemony: you come into my house.

lemony: you marry my wife.

beatrice, across the room: I married both of you???

lemony: and you have the audacity.

lemony: to suggest we name our daughter after our high school drama teacher.

bertrand: okay but your reaction isn’t necessarily a no]

[quillyfied]

Mega Good Omens Fic Rec Post 1

OH BOY Y’ALL IT’S HERE

This is the first string of fics I would wholeheartedly recommend from my bookmarks (probably first of three, we’ll see). There are 65 fics sorted into 9 categories: Jaunts Through History/Canon; South Downs; Post-Apocalypse; Bus Ride/Night Before/Heaven and Hell; AU/UA (UA is Universe Alternate, where everything is the same, just...a bit to the left. I feel like that term has more nuance, idk); Soft; Touch-Starved/Body Worship/Wings; Bonus; H/C /Whump/BAMF. These will be the same categories for every fic rec post in this vein. I try to include warnings for sex and gore, if applicable, but please check the tags of each fic before you read, just in case.

Mega GOmens Fic Rec Post MASTER

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I BROKE A LINK OR MISATTRIBUTED SOMETHING.

I don’t read explicit works and I’m not a big fan of Human!AUs so there’s not any of those, but there’s a bit of just about everything else. Please enjoy! Hope the ReadMore works, sorry for folks on mobile if it doesn’t!

JAUNTS THROUGH HISTORY/CANON

1. Bright With His Splendour – Daegaer (T, specifically book-verse. This is an exquisite look at the developments in Crowley himself, especially as it relates to his war-related traumas in the War in Heaven and later WWI. The Arrangement is Aziraphale’s idea here, which is awesome. Highly emotional and visceral.)

2. Whatever Road We Choose – @ri-writing (T, the one where Aziraphale gets jumped by some demons and Crowley nurses him back to health, and Aziraphale has to confront his worldview when he realizes Heaven never responded to his call for help. Quiet and powerful as Aziraphale starts to realize Crowley isn’t everything he thought he was and maybe Heaven isn’t, either.)

3. Linked – @chekhov (T, the one where Crowley shows up in Bukhara and Aziraphale has to pretend to capture him so his angel intern doesn’t destroy Crowley entirely. Has a lot of fun moments and emotional growth in play. And yearning. Lots and lots of yearning.)

4. The Demon Favourite – @kanna-ophelia (T, the one where Crowley is posing as a nobleman and manages to build himself a little ramshackle family, and Aziraphale takes care of them when Crowley gets himself discorporated. Extremely tender, lots of Crowley cooing over babies.)

5. Akashic Records – @penig (Generally G, one T, the series where Crowley is head-over-heels from the start and broadcasts it loudly, and Aziraphale is in Panic Protective Mode. The series is gorgeous and vibrant, the characterizations are so spot-on and yet fresh, the dialogue is perfect, the character growth is delicious. I can’t gush enough about this one.)

6. But The Old Love Was Not So – BuggreAlleThis (G, the one written in the style of Le Morte d’Arthur about Aziraphale’s final few days in the court of King Arthur. Hilarious with the promise of emotional pain to come in the second half.)

7. flightless bird (dumb, wild, and free) – JennaCupcakes (@veganthranduil) (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale make out for half of history while Aziraphale has an ongoing existential crisis about being a broken angel. Poignant, sensual, culminates in a deliciously fraught confrontation where Aziraphale has to finally sort himself out and Crowley says some hard but true things. I once spent three hours trying to find this fic again without remembering the title so now it’s kinda ingrained.)

8. Nanny Knows Best – @patricianandclerk (M, rest of series is T, the one where Crowley endures some truly horrible experiences while serving as Warlock’s nanny. Adorable relationship between Warlock and Crowley, and it’s only getting better. The dynamic with Aziraphale is nuanced and beautiful. Rating for sexual harassment and groping, and it’s a bit of a difficult read at times during those moments, so be careful.)

9. The Holy Essence of Experience – Dragonsquill (T, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley have loved each other almost since the beginning, but have been very careful to not put a name to it. The yearning is real and so gorgeous. The scene just before they come up with their plan to avert Armageddon haunts me.)

10. The Arrangement – @writeonclara (T, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley try to get a handle on this sex thing. Non-explicit, hilarious, and unique! I can only assume the rating will probably be going up, which makes me sad because it’s hard to find nonexplicit fics that still deal with what sex brings to a relationship, but what’s written for now is well worth it.)

11. And After – @randomacts13 (T, the series where Crowley and Aziraphale work through their self-worth and have lots of flashbacks. The first one involves Crowley taking care of a seed that keeps dying and leaving another seed behind, which is not at all feeding into his self-hatred; the second has Crowley and Warlock gluing coins to the sidewalk; the third is about Aziraphale on a one-way flight to Complete Mental Breakdown if he doesn’t get some help for his anxiety and repressed emotions soon.)

12. The road to rapture has a lot of pit stops – emmagrant01 (E but only for the sixth chapter, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley have shared five kisses throughout history and one where they meant it. People like me who don’t like explicit material can skip Chapter 6 (or just read until they smooch) and go straight to the epilogue. The rest of it is amazing; every kiss is believable in context and has such good lead-up. Very romantic, very good.)

13. Round and Round the Garden – SanSanFanFan (G, the one where Brother Francis and Nanny Ashtoreth get up to some hanky-panky beneath a willow tree while Warlock sleeps in his pram. Just sweet and silly fluff.)

14. Flecks of Light and Dark – volunteerfd (T, the one where Aziraphale learns to deal with his emotions. Has a really beautiful recurring thing of Crowley and Aziraphale making up stories of who they’d be if they were human, and Aziraphale doing his best to do good and help even when Heaven ties his hands.)

15. Before the Water Rises – VitreousHumor (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale become friends while helping a village make rafts to escape the Flood. Has a lot of really cute moments and some pretty exquisite romantic tension.)

16. Beneath the Stars – @brooklynbabybucky (G, the one where Crowley asks Aziraphale to cut his hair. Just has some really lovely imagery and a sweet bonding moment.)

17. lit in the darkness – @toedenandbackagain (M, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale share a bed sometimes throughout history. Warnings for some sexual content in chapters 7 and 14, but each chapter has its own warnings in the description. Presents some beautiful bonding moments and the absolute finest pining known to man.)

 SOUTH DOWNS

18. The Play’s the Thing – volunteerfd (G, the one where Aziraphale is cast in the local production of Hamlet and Crowley is trying his best to be supportive of his truly awful actor husband. Hilarious and light and absolutely a classic.)

19. Parsley, Thyme, Sage, Daffodils – @mostweakhamlets (NR, the one where Aziraphale has a cooking YouTube channel and Crowley is camera-shy. Tackles PTSD in a really thoughtful way and is Peak Soft Cottage Husbands aesthetic, it really packs in the most warm fuzzies in a small package.)

20. to carthage then i came – @lvslie (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale move to the South Downs and learn to work through their issues around being together and being their own people after cutting ties with Heaven and Hell. Poetic, poignant, the last chapter is a thing of absolute beauty. Very heavily symbolic, that one.)

21. A Better Place for Us to Be – @befuddledmackem (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale tour a particular cottage. Deeply emotional, the Absolute Best Real Estate Pr0n if you also secretly watch HGTV and weep, has completely ruined any future house-buying opportunity I might have because nothing will be this sweet and perfect.)

22. Something We Were Withholding Made Us Weak – trieduntrue (M, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale move to the South Downs and very carefully orbit into something more like a relationship. Exquisite tension, beautifully-done pining and slow-burn, really fun bits of world building. M is for a sex scene at the very end but it’s easy to skip over, it’s small.)

23. reasons wretched and divine – @stammiviktor (T, the one where Crowley storms out after a fight and finds himself in an actual conversation with God. Highly emotional and a great look into Crowley’s head, both in how he feels about God and how he feels about Aziraphale.)

24. The Sprawl of Life – @dietraumerei (T and G, the series where Crowley and Aziraphale settle into village life quite well. Has sex-positive asexual characters, which is fun (brief note about that: it’s not explicit, but the places it happens, there is clear leadup and it can get a bit intense, so take care of yourselves). Has touches of angst that balance beautifully with the fluff, lots of BAMF Aziraphale for the soul.)

25. Seashells and Fingerpainting – Vagabond (@waffleironbiddingwar) (T, and I recommend this one specifically from the series, can be read independently: the one where Gabriel is sent to the South Downs for a time out. This is quite possibly the best Gabriel character study I have ever seen; it’s tender and heartbreaking and somehow you find yourself rooting for Gabriel to figure out why he’s being punished despite yourself. All the warm fuzzies. All of them. Read the whole series, it’s great!)

 POST-APOCALYPSE

26. Laugh When It Sinks In – @tenoko1 (G, the one where Crowley helps Aziraphale build a home in the bookshop flat. Another one that feeds right into my interior decorating itch. So sweet and uplifting, will absolutely make you feel proud of Aziraphale.)

27. Chosen and Unchosen – Bookwormgal (T, the one where the kids have to go save Aziraphale and Crowley from Heaven and Hell. Has some EXCELLENT Warlock characterization and some really good tension between him and Adam, and the angst is properly upsetting. A right good adventure romp that’s really starting to ramp up.)

28. Resonance – Macx (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale become something Else. Good world building, beautiful romance, and Gabriel getting told off. Love how Crowley and Aziraphale growing into their new roles is handled, and how Adam unexpectedly ties in at the end.)

29. Falling Heavenward – @kanna-ophelia (T, the one where Crowley unexpectedly has to win his angel back because of a really twisty deal with Heaven. This one is a pretty wild ride, but I would say the centerpiece is Fallen Gabriel, who becomes Asmodeus. It becomes a battle for Aziraphale’s heart, though Asmodeus isn’t in it for the feels so much as the revenge, obviously. Really interesting premise and something to read if rooting for Crowley is a way you like to spend your time.)

30. A Leisurely Stroll Down – Saturniidae (@Saturniiddae) (M, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale have to fight for their relationship. Has some sexual content that isn’t explicit, and gore that really sort of is. I have thrown things and cried a little at this one, but that was the price for reading while it was still updating. Absolutely gorgeous in every way. Also has God speaking through a household object and it’s hilarious.)

31. From God’s Perspective – Unfortunately (T, the one where God comes down personally to interfere in Her children’s business. The absolute best portrayal of God in any fic ever, really humanizes her in the best ways. I love how she interacts with her angel and demon children. It’s almost more of a character study of God than anything. And yes, the Sound of Music is sung.)

 BUS RIDE/NIGHT BEFORE/HEAVEN AND HELL

32. Worth Knowing – summersage (T, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley discuss the Fall and manage Miltonian angel sex despite it. Has a take on how the Fall works that I was thinking about but couldn’t find words for until this fic, and it’s absolutely fantastic. The Miltonian angel sex is esoteric and weird and not at all erotic, but it is beautiful. The mortifying ordeal of being KNOWN indeed.)

33. Legendary Lovers; Your Hand in Mine – @tenoko1 (G, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale regroup in a hotel instead of his flat and have a bit of a knock-down-drag-out. Crowley is angry and scared and so in love he can’t stand it, and Aziraphale is practically going at light speed in confronting and knocking down his own barriers, and it’s highly emotionally charged and wonderful.)

 AU/UA

34. Love of My Life – @ellewrites4 (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale get together very early and make it work all throughout history. Gorgeous romance, and the fallout from the Holy Water caper and the bandstand breakup are EXQUISITE. Peak emotional turmoil, sweet boundary negotiation, forgiveness and love and anxiety and fear—just delicious.)

35. True Love and High Adventure – @grifalinas (T, the one that’s a Princess Bride au. Absolutely on-point casting, wonderful writing style, the perfect escape fic for a little while. Incomplete but still worth the read.)

36. Inverse Omens – @amuseoffyre (T, the one where Aziraphale is a demon with a p0_rn shop and Crowley is an angel running a community center from a bombed-out church. Y’all recommended this to me on my demon!Aziraphale rating post, and it’s AMAZING. Perfect characterization and a wonderful retelling. Warning for Chapters 11 and 12, Aziraphale’s Nanny Ashtoreth messes with the Dowling parents in far more direct ways and there’s scenes of Mr. Dowling jerking it, so take care, friendos. Also Aziraphale makes the filthiest double entendres and it’s delightful. Also also Crowley needs all the hugs.)

37. A Blaze of Light – @wingedspirit (T, the one where Crowley is Raphael and he and Aziraphale make a Pact instead of an Arrangement. This one is a wild adventure, friends, and a riveting one. The Pact puts an interesting spin on their developing relationship, and by the time it gets to TV canon, it’s already off the rails in the best ways. Also Crowley has some pretty heavy depression that manifests in his former Archangel-level powers blowing up a bit, which is cool. Should be wrapping up soon and I’m pumped for it!)

38. it’s high time that you love me, cause you do it so well – mygalfriday (T, the one where Crowley can’t physically say the word “love” but can diddly dang well show it if he wants. Already super sweet but the confession scene at the end is just incredible.)

39. Hold the Line – sum_nemo (T, the one that’s a Pacific Rim AU. I adore PacRim, you guys, and this one is just *chef’s kiss*. Puts Crowley as Raleigh (lost his twin sister copilot) and Aziraphale as Mako and includes a pretty painful shared past between them, which is already simmering and delicious. Can’t wait to see where this one goes.)

40. The Truth Remains – @wanderingalicewrites (NR, the one where Crowley was Raphael, had a good relationship with his siblings, was in love with Aziraphale, and knew he was destined to Fall. Aziraphale is still in mourning for Raphael and Crowley is still working out the point of his existence, so there’s some very good pining and existential dread up in the mix. A highly interesting take on the situation and very, very good at punching you in the feels with the flashbacks to Heaven and how different things are now, especially with the other Archangels. LOL it just updated while I was writing this and I am UNDONE, I am in PAIN, the bandstand scene always hurts but NOT LIKE THIS. ALSO MORE ARCHANGEL FEELS, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN)

41. Everything Dark and Unseen – @enjambament (M, the one that’s a Psyche and Eros retelling. After the Fall but before Eden, Heaven and Hell need a truce, so they marry Crowley and Aziraphale to keep the peace in a symbolic sort of binding. A beautiful romance, an excellent action sequence, the cutest OC creatures, the best OC angels, and I wish there was a continuation of how canon progressed with this monumental change in their history bc I am THIRSTY for more. Rated M for a kinda-sorta sexy scene but there’s not really Efforts sooo…it’s more sensual than sexual? I guess? Either way, highly recommended.)

42. The Name of the Star is Wormwood – LusBeatha (T, the one where Crowley was Raphael and the Fruit of Knowledge of Good and Evil was a fly agaric mushroom. It is exactly as eccentric as it sounds, but presented in such a way that it actually makes sense. It jumps around in time, but the storyline taking place in the present is looking like Armageddon 2.0. Beautifully written, great take on canon.)

43. Sticks and Stones – @justkeeptrekkin (T, the one where Crowley takes on the guise of Casanova while trying to get over Aziraphale and Aziraphale shows up, whoops. GORGEOUS imagery, the most scrumptious pining, and if y’all appreciated the 2005 Pride and Prejudice dance scene, the one in here will about blow that one out of the water, if you can believe it. Knocked the breath right out of me.)

44. Yearning to Hold You Close – @guanin (T, the one where Aziraphale has a relationship with King Richard and asks Crowley to help save him, and there is a big sticky mess of feelings when they realize Richard and Crowley look almost exactly alike. In part inspired by David Tennant playing Richard II. A delicious, delicious emotional quandary where Crowley and Richard both wonder if Aziraphale only loves them because they look like each other, and Aziraphale doesn’t know how to say what he feels. Very sweet, very emotionally fraught.)

 SOFT

45. Just This Once – @julia-writes-fanfic (T, the one where Crowley and Aziraphale kiss in the 90s and it’s amazing. The drunk 90s kiss is already good, but them revisiting it sober in 2010 makes both even better.)

46. A Sky Full of Stars – @kedreeva (G, the one where Aziraphale takes Crowley someplace where they can see the cosmos. The first GOmens fic I ever bookmarked, so I felt like including it, because it’s unbelievably sweet and has amazing visuals.)

47. The Serpent and the Seagull – @ineffably-good (G and T, the series where Aziraphale misses Crowley so he gets a little pet snake. Frederick the snake is among the best of the GOmens OCs, hilarious and foul-mouthed and once Crowley starts being able to understand him, it only gets better. Frederick likes helping his pets work their problems out so they’ll leave him alone to sleep. It’s extremely cute.)

48. The Discerning Black Swan – @lwtis (T, the one where Crowley is definitely not projecting on a black swan desperately trying to court a white mute swan in St James’ Park. I love how Crowley interfaces with his emotional problems through the swan, and the visual of the two swans is gorgeous.)

49. What A Demon Dreams – @whatawriterwields (G, the one where Crowley has some weird dreams, dude. I love the symbolism and the imagery in this one, it’s really vivid. It’s hard to pull off a concept like this so I respect how the author is able to do it and make it work.)

 TOUCH STARVED/WINGS/BODY WORSHIP

50. Sunlight – crorvid (M, the one where Aziraphale is a touch-starved angel. Doesn’t deserve the M rating, in my opinion, but Aziraphale does feel the touching during their makeouts very intensely and it’s incredibly satisfying.)

51. The Curious Attractiveness of Others – @giddygeek (T, the one where Crowley finally gets to groom Aziraphale’s wings and Aziraphale gets to show Crowley how tender that can be. Another one with some great world building tucked into the corners, and emotionally satisfying grooming.)

52. Broken Wings – werebear (@werebeary) (T and M, the series where wing grooming is incredibly intimate and I got the vapors from the tenderness. Also the first time I saw anything about preen glands. The second one is rated M because the preening gets a bit…intense. Not sexual, exactly, but it’s close. Very passionate.)

53. Birthmark – Linebreaker (G, the one where Crowley has a scar on his lower back and a sad story to go with it. This one needs a bit of a harder rating, imo, and there’s one line that’s a bit Much, but otherwise it’s a sad and beautiful look at a potential reason why Crowley hates the fourteenth century so much. Lots of Crowley body worship packed into few words, very satisfying.)

54. They Are A Pale Picture of You – @ineffablefool (T, the one where they go for a walk during winter and things are just Soft. Ineffablefool has a wealth of body-positive asexual GOmens fics, but I think I like this one best, it’s sweet and adorable and some jerk who insults Aziraphale’s weight rightly gets the worst day of his life. Also Crowley compares Aziraphale in his winter wear to a plump little bird and it’s cute imagery.)

 BONUS

55. Ineffable Bureaucracy Drabbles – Shift7 (T, the series of short fics where Gabriel and Beelzebub are kinda-sorta falling into friendship and being very judicious about it. Lots of paperwork, very orderly.)

56. Ineffable Bureaucracy – @eshnoazot (T and G, a series of longer fics where Gabriel and Beelzebub are navigating a careful arrangement of their own. Still lots of paperwork, of course, but there’s also emotional friction and conflict resolution. Excellent characterizations. Wednesday night Thai and Friendship night is a+++++. Gabriel deffo called a board meeting to talk about his feelings.)

57. A Bentley Sang in Berkeley Square – CastielHamilton (G, the one where the Bentley is sentient and a good, good girl. She is doing her best and I love her. Basically the series from her point of view.)

58. Fairest and Fallen – VitreousHumor (T, the series where Beelzebub and Gabriel encounter each other a few times and Gabriel tries his best to remember their shared pre-Fall history. Poignant, sad, and beautiful.)

59. Observer Effect – SquarePudding (T, the series where the Grigori in charge of recording Aziraphale’s Earthly movements starts to ship him and Crowley and records their romance. The Grigori, Rezathaniel, is a precious baby who needs to develop a better palate outside of “greasy literal garbage” and has 0 chill when it comes to their ship. They’re kind of like a celebrity blogger at this point but watching their character growth in the first story is very sweet.)

60. Soul of Vellum, Heart of Chrome – @29-pieces (G, the one where the Bentley and the Bookshop are sentient and very protective of their owners. This one is going to KILL ME with the plot I wasn’t expecting—Heaven and Hell are hunting Aziraphale and Crowley down again, so the Bentley and the Bookshop do their best to help. They’re doing so good and I’m so proud of them, it’s not their fault things went a bit south. Precious beans. Good, good things.)

61. Real Fire and Brimstone Stuff – @jessikast (G, the one where college-age Warlock helps accidentally summon his Nanny and a lot of things start to make sense. A very sweet story about Warlock getting closure and getting back in touch with Crowley and Aziraphale through the weirdest means possible.)

 H/C /WHUMP/BAMF

62. Broken Hallelujah – @atlantis-is-burning (T, the one where Hastur comes to kill Aziraphale and Crowley and it’s ugly, folks. It is kinda gory and it is injury-ridden and painful, very touch-and-go for a bit. It ends well, though, and Hastur gets his, which is the Best. Tore me up one side and down the other in all the best ways.)

63. Fall Here – @marbledwings (T, the one where Aziraphale and Crowley are easing into a relationship in fits and starts, and then Crowley gets snatched. This one was AGONIZING to wait for it to update, so be glad it’s complete, because it gets pretty dark for a while. Be warned of torture, though it’s mostly implied and it’s the aftermath that’s dealt with most. It absolutely sticks the landing at the end, and has a great characterization of Michael.)

64. how deep the sand – Handful_of_Silence (G, the series where Aziraphale is trapped in a glass bubble in a wizard’s basement for fifty years and the ensuing aftermath. Feels mostly book-verse, but there are some cues from the show. Intense and realistic and emotional and heavy, drags you through the darkness and you appreciate the light all the more for it. A beautiful story.)

65. you taught me how to love, (it’s me who taught you how to stop) – @clankclunk (G, or the one where Aziraphale comes to find out that you can’t just rush into a relationship after six thousand years of repression. This one is absolutely murdering me. The angst is real. The hurt is real. I’m hoping the fluff and comfort promised in the tags is coming soon because WOW. Has a fantastically haunting view of what happens to angels, who are highly emotive beings, when they fall into depression. And Crowley’s adverse reactions to praise and love are so realistic and painful. Ouch.)

[x-lulu]

gurl 1-99 I dare you😄

haha no if that's too much just 1, 2, 24, 32, 77, 85, 95

well I finally answered them all babe, took me a week haha 💗

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? world away by tonight alive, you give love a bad name by bon jovi, amnesia by five seconds of summer, had enough by lower than atlantis, take it out on me by thousand foot krutch, if I could fly by one direction, I just named the first that popped in my head

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? YOU

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17? a wind came in off the harbour, bringing the smell of the sea

4: What do you think about most? I’m an overthinker with anxiety so yeah I think about everything a lot, so I wouldn’t know what I think about most

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? just an okay haha

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? with, an oversized shirt and underwear

7: What’s your strangest talent? latin maybe?

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) I don’t know rock? I’m not really the kind of person that puts a gender in things

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? uhm I don’t think so, now I feel unimportant haha

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? I’m more an using a hairbrush as a microphone kind of girl

11: Do you have any strange phobias? probably, I’m scared of a lot of things

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? don’t think so

13: What’s your religion? officially I’m Christian, I’m a bit searching for what I believe in tho, I do believe in jezus but not like walking on water and coming back from the death, I might believe in the Greek gods and nature gods

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? enjoying the fresh air, going for a walk/ride and look at cute animals

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? even if you kill me I don’t know what band to say

17: What was the last lie you told? I lied about not being sad

18: Do you believe in karma? I don’t know, sometimes, but like there are people who’ve done terrible things, where is their karma?

19: What does your URL mean? it’s just my nickname, I didn’t want to make it fandom related because I’m a multi fandom and I didn’t want to have to change my url a lot, I also didn’t want to put my real name because I don’t want people to find me who I know in real life haha

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? my insecurity is my greatest weakness I think, I don’t know my greatest strength... maybe being a person who people feel loved and welcome by? Idk if people feel that way and idk if it’s a strength. If I’m gonna be poetic I have to say my greatest weakness and strength are both that I love someone with my whole heart, when I start loving you, I love you so much, I would do anything for you, but when someone fucks up, I’ll still love them even tho they don’t deserve it, so that comes with a lot of pain so yeah a weakness and a strength

21: Who is your celebrity crush? rudy pankow and dylan obrien

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? yes

23: How do you vent your anger? I keep everything to myself till I explode and start screaming

24: Do you have a collection of anything? music records, stones and just memories from places I’ve been to

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? neither? If I’m comfortable I do enjoy video chatting especially in times like these where you can’t speak in real life

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? this is hard one, I’ve never been happy with who I am, I do like me better than who I used to be

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? sound I love is when you’re walking trough the woods just the birds, can’t think of one I hate, I definitely have some they just don’t come to mind rn

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? what if I keep going through and it doesn’t get better

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes and yes/maybe

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. my laptop and my pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? flowers

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? xanten

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? uhm west coast? Idk haha

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? harry styles is the first one that pops in my head

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? to find love, can be someone something, experience things that make you happy, enjoy it, learn, better the world

36: Define Art. creating something, it can have a meaning but it also can’t, a lot of people give it a deep meaning, which can be it, I just think art doesn’t always have to be deep are spectacular it can be someone making something because they have so much going in their head and they find peace in creating art and get inspired by their own experience, people also can it just do for fun, there are so many different kind of art and artists, I don’t think it can’t be defined

37: Do you believe in luck? I don’t know

38: What’s the weather like right now? rainy

39: What time is it? 9:54 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? no licence

41: What was the last book you read? a fanfic on Wattpad fight or flight by ffsumth

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? yes 🙈

43: Do you have any nicknames? lu and lulu obviously, loesje , samantha, pinguïn, polar bear, you called me lulu bear hehe

44: What was the last film you saw? I don’t remember...

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? uhm ive broken a few things, my toes and my arm, but nothing really bad actually

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? no, I don’t want to, I have seen some really close, they’re beautiful

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? again you haha, but like all the stuff I post on here are my obsessions

48: What’s your sexual orientation? I don’t know, I think straight, but I don’t know for sure

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? yeah

50: Do you believe in magic? I’m not certain, maybe I do :) I do live by the saying ‘just because you haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist’

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? sadly yes, like I won’t be mean to you or anything, but I will never ever trust you again, if I’m hurt I’m hurt and sadly I haven’t found a way yet to leave it behind, so I’m feeling a lot of pain and I’m never gonna forget that pain, so yeah...

52: What is your astrological sign? capricorn

53: Do you save money or spend it? uhm both? depends on how I feel and what time of the year it is, I have the bad habit to save it for a few months and then spend a lot of it

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? a apple pen so I can start trying digital art

55: Love or lust? love

56: In a relationship? with you hehe

57: How many relationships have you had? none official relationships, I’m just not lovable okay leave me alone haha

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? no oops

59: Where were you yesterday? home, school, therapy

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? a pillow

61: Are you wearing socks right now? no

62: What’s your favourite animal? polar bears

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? no idea haha, I don’t have one

64: Where is your best friend? at home, like 20min away

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. this is hard so I’m just gonna name the first five that come in my head @nxsmss @rafej-cambanks @thegreatestofheck @chrlsgillespie @nedleed

66: What is your heritage? I don’t know 🤷‍♀️

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? sleeping, I had to get up early today

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? never thought about it

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? no

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Is it bad to say yes? I mean I hate myself but I do think I’m a good friend

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? save the dog obviously!!!!

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? I think I would tell people, I’m not sure, but like so have people got the time to say goodbye the way they want to, I would travel the world I think, do everything on my bucket list, maybe some illegal stuff 🙈 (where no one gets hurt tho obviously), I don’t think I would be afraid... I mean I’m suicidal, I’ve literally been connected to death my whole life, if you understand what I mean

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. uhm trust I think? If I would have love but don’t have trust I wouldn’t really feel loved anyway, I do really want to experience how it feels like to be loved tho...

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? the first song that came to mind is love my life by Robbie Williams, I rarely listen to it, but the lyrics really gives a boost of happiness and confidence

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 51 54

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? loyalty and trust, you don’t have to agree on everything or be interested in the same things, you do have to be there for each other

77: How can I win your heart? YOU ALREADY HAVE

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? yes I think so

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? to get dogs

80: What size shoes do you wear? uhm 38 eu, 4,5 uk and 7 us

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? a loving ... I hope to be a loving daughter, friend, wife and mother, someone who was always there for others

82: What is your favourite word? fuck haha, no idk but that is definitely a word I use a lot

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. pain....

84: What is a saying you say a lot? enjoy the little things

85: What’s the last song you listened to? ignorance by paramore

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? uhm I do love black, I also like pastels and like a turquoise kind of colour

87: What is your current desktop picture? me and my friend

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? no one, there are a lot of people who did wrong, the need to be in jail, but I’m not saying someone deserves to die

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? what goes on in my head, how I’m feeling

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? scream probably haha

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? teleportation, I would travel the world haha

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? when I was in Ireland by the cliffs of moher

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? uhm this is a hard one, maybe seeing my father almost dying? (he is okay btw, we were lucky), I’ve had nightmares and anxiety ever since

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? I find this so weird to say for some reason... if I have to give a name it would be harry styles I think, because damn look at that man, but I don’t know, I would rather be friends with him than sleep with him tbh, I know you can do both haha, but idk I’m not like yes I want to sleep with him haha, I think I’ve read too many fanfics about him that I would find it awkward

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? ice land or canada

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? don’t think so, not close ones anyway

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? no, I got out in time haha

98: Ever been on a plane? yes, when I went on a trip to georgia in west asia

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? you’re all ignorant assholes haha, no idk what I would say, there are a lot of good people on this world I know, but man there is some fucked up shit, so maybe I would educate some people or it would have something to do with mental health, maybe about loving yourself or that it’s not a sign of weakness and that we should be treated as equals to physical pain, we should be taken seriously... I don’t really know, there are so many things haha

[bradshawwannebe]

Bits and Lost Pieces- Part one

A Chain of Silver- prologue

Bucky x reader

Summary: Soulmates gain what the other loses. But you’ve never heard of soulmates born in different centuries…

so in order to get the whole… picture, I’m going to be making this a fic. If i’m moving to fast… oh well. This is also loosly based off of a soulmate tik tok and a fic called I knew you by @klinenovakwinchester its amazing and wonderful and I fully and truly believe that you should go read it 

Warnings: there is slight angst and cuss words, mention of drugs and deadbeat parents but detail are very vague

---------------

“No, Mechel, I’m telling you I don’t have one.”

“Oh… come ON. You really can’ t expect me to believe that you don’t actually have a soulmate.” 

your best friend, Mechel, has been trying, and failing, convince you that you have a soulmate. 

“Ok, well, if soulmates were real, and I of all people have one, why haven’t I found anything? Have you gotten anything yet, from your soulmate? And that is where I'm gonna hit you with a hard no, you haven’t” apparently, whatever your soulmate loses, you gain. However, having something stolen or taken doesn’t exactly count. Mechel figured that one out when some hobo stole her wallet which also included her ID.

“No, I haven’t but that could mean anything, but that doesn’t mean that soulmates don’t exist. Weren’t your parents soulmates or something?” 

You deadpanned, right before you face palmed a bit too hard. “No, Chelly, my parents’ soulmates were drugs. That’s why we were handed over to my grandparents, you dingle berry.”

Her face fell ever so slightly. “N/n, honey, I’m sorry, but I can’t believe that soulmates don’t exist when my parents were. My mom got my dad’s boot… and she didn’t even know him then, and dad got her camera with her name on it. You, have to believe me when I tell you this.”

“Look, you shouldn’t be sorry, I’m sure soulmates do exist but mine probably fell off a train or something and died because I haven’t gained anything. Maybe yours is just super organized and doesn’t lose anything,” you weren’t lying, well not to her. 

Ever since you were little, you always thought soulmates were a hoax. Your father didn’t have one, always trying to find his after your mother left him for someone else, and then your father dropped you and your siblings off at your grandparents house when you were 15, and oddly enough you never asked either one of them if they were soulmates, it just never came up in conversation before. You’ve never had real proof.

“Well, Mechel, I have to get going, I’m opening the store up early tomorrow.”

“Why the hell would you do that?” she asked almost in horror.

“I don’t know, it’s my store, and if I wanna open up early tomorrow, I’m gonna do it,” you sassed standing up to boop her nose, which caused her to scrunch up her face.

“No one likes a smart ass.”

 “I don’t really know about that, I’ve always liked my ass,” you met Mechel when you were a freshman in high school while she was a sophomore and when you took classes to graduate together… God bless the teachers that had you two in the same classes. 

However, your best friend’s voice stopped you dead in your tracks when you got to the door, “It would explain a lot, especially the emptiness you’ve always felt, maybe yours died before they could lose anything.”

“Yeah, your right, maybe.” 

The revelation was really nothing but a self-deprecating jab at your lack of a soulmate, but you never really put two-and-two together. I mean, he might not have fallen off of a train, that would be sad and very painful. 

That night, not much sleep was gained, but you didn’t notice the silver chain that was laying on your night stand either.

-------------

“Hello! Welcome Starstruck Books,I hope you found everything nicely,” you said to the little girl with a soft kind smile.

“Me and Mommy want to find the kid’s books… can you help us?” The small girl looked extremely shy and almost like she didn’t know how to ask the question.

“Sure thing, sugar plum, how old are you?” you asked squatting down to her height. Feeling a warmth spread within your heart at the smile the girl gave you.

“I’m 5,” she said a bit louder counting her fingers to hold them up to you, and you held out your hand for her to take.

“Well, I think we have to find your mommy first, don’t you?” the girl’s hair bobbed up and down as she nodded and she pointed to the adult section of books off to the right.

“She’s over there,” walking over to her mother, you told her where you would be. Just in case something were to happen and she needed to find you.

“Hey, kiddo, how do you feel about poetry?” the little girl nodded and you showed her your favorite book as a child.

“What’s The Giving Tree?” the little girl was full of curiosity pausing between words while reading the title,when she asked you the question. Her brown eyes looking into your own.

“It's a poetic book by Shel Silverstein about a tree and a little boy. The tree loved the boy, and the boy loved the tree.”

The little girl looked thoroughly confused, “How can a tree love a boy?”

“I don’t know, but the tree gave the boy as much as she could, and as the little boy grew up, she kept giving and he kept taking,” at that remark, her eyes lit up.

“Can I take this to my mommy?” 

“You sure can!” she smiled big, grabbed the book, and took off. Her hair bobbing behind her.

“So when do you think you’re gonna be a mom?” you popped up, Mechel standing behind you.

“Oh, I don’t know, Chelly, probably whenever I get married,” you stood up, Mechel stepping closer to you.

“Well, I stopped by your house to-” 

“How the hell did you get into my house?”

“Shut up! That's not the point-”

“It kind of is…” and if looks could kill you be dead ten times over, “Ok, ok, I’m done.”

“Well, I went to your room to see if I could find anything that wasn’t yours and….” her hands whip out from behind her back holding something that you didn’t recognize.

“What-?”

“They appear to be dog tags, any idea where they came from?” that smug grin was what always got you two into trouble in high school. 

“Who-?”

“James B. Barnes.”

“I don’t-”

“ I know you don’t,” and with that she handed you the tags, “you’ve got customers.”

You were in a bit of a shock. So much so, you gave the little girl and her mother a discount on The Giving Tree but that also might have been because you wanted to. You haven’t figured that one out yet.

‘Ring, Ring’

“Hello?” you picked up the phone without even looking at the caller ID.

“Hey, it’s Mechel.”

“I kinda figured that, you lean-to.” 

“HEY! I am not a lean-to… what is a lean-to?”

“Well, firstly, you could have fooled me because you’re attached to me and it doesn’t seem like there is much of any reason to be doing that, and two, you seem like an extension of my dark counterpart.”

“No, honey, I am your dark counterpart, and as your dark counter/lean-to I want you to be happy. So I did a search.” If you can’t hear actions, then you must be delusional or lied to because the smug smirk in her voice was so real.

“What kind of search?” 

“On your James, duh. What else am I supposed to be doing with my life?”

“Well, Chelly, as head of security at the City Hall, watching the security cameras for possible threats.”

“Pfft, your so dense, that’s what my brother does, I’m a secretary at the police station, dummy,” Welp… some friend you are.

“I was testing your memory, now what did you come up with?” 

The hesitation in continuing the conversation on her part was… unsettling to say the least.

“James Barnes has an exhibit at the Smithsonian-,”

“Okay it means he’s smart, keep going,” you walked over to the door of the store, turning the sign to Sorry, We’re Closed!.

“Well, actually he was a soldier in the second World War. He fell of a… well he fell off a train in 1944. They never recovered his body.”

When you collapsed in a sobbing wet mess of tears, you don’t know, but then why did you end up with his dog tags?

“Oh,” you cleared your throat,” I can’t drive right now, not in this condition, could you-.., could you take me home?” It wasn’t a complete lie, per say, but you really just didn’t want to be alone.

“Yeah, babe, I’ll be there in 5.”

“Thanks.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

Well, this explains a lot.

With a small half smile you looked over at your best friend,”Well, I mean at least we know what happened to him.”

She sent you the worst glare possible, you almost thought she’d stab you, but the meaning was very clear ‘don’t do that to yourself’

“Well I mean I wasn’t wrong, but like... if he’s dead why would he have lost something? How could he lose anything if he’s dead? It doesn’t make sense.”

“Stop, you’re going to hurt yourself and you’re over analyzing, and that isn’t good, not now, not ever, especially not in this situation.”

“No, Mechel, you’ve said it yourself. I have a soulmate and at that point one would realize that when their soulmate loses something they gain it. My soulmate lost something. James. Is. Alive. He has to be. It’s logical-”

“No, Y/N, its not. That’s impossible. Have you ever heard of soulmates being born in different centuries? No. James cannot be alive, and that is proven by the emptiness you always feel, for Christ’s sake y/n he fell off of a damn train!”

“Then explain to me why you would have brought the whole thing up if you don’t believe he isn’t alive. Exactly you wouldn’t. Not unless you’re just so cruel you wanted to get my hopes up to tear them apart and I know you wouldn’t do that to me because we’ve been through some terrible crap together. Deep down, subconsciously, you believe he is alive. He lost his dog tags and if I have to find out why, or how. and If I have to do it myself, then by golly I will. I will do this with or without you, you brought the soulmates thing up, you broke into my apartment-”

“You gave me a key-”

“You broke in,” you said with a pointed glare,”He lost this. He has to be alive,”

“Okay, calm down.”

You went silent.

He has to be alive... he has to.

[wangxiangiftexchange]

Winter Solstice Gift for  dual-mayhem

For @dual-mayhem, I hope I did you justice with the fluff since I'm not an expert on it!

Read On AO3

*****

Learning to Love like You

It was in the middle of a toast that Wei Wuxian connected the dots. Really, it should have been made clear the moment the juniors, Ouyang Zizhen, and Jin Ling rushed him towards his favorite wine house to celebrate something. He was sure they might have slipped on the purpose of the celebration but he was still reeling in the fact that the juniors decided to make time for him. Can one blame him?

Or maybe he should have concluded it last night when Lan Wangji's butterfly talisman arrived at the Jingshi. His husband very rarely arrived home late due to unforeseen circumstances. So when Wei Wuxian read the note, "Late due to conflicting opinions. I will arrive as soon as possible. I am sorry," he should have caught on. Nowadays, there are no "sorrys" between them. So he should have been suspicious when Lan Wangji apologized. But he was so caught up on the small gift his husband sent along with the talisman that he forgot to ponder on it further.

No, it hit as he was looking at the ceiling of his favorite wine house in Caiyi. The juniors surrounding him kept shouting their congratulations and drinking away, so most of them didn’t notice his tense form.

Lan Sizhui, however, did.

"Senior Wei?" he asked, tapping him on the shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Lan Sizhui’s cheeks were flushed and he swayed a bit. The two cups of wine he had drank were starting to show but he held his liquor incredibly better than his father. That particular skill, thought Wei Wuxian, his son had gotten from him.

Wei Wuxian drank his wine and placed his cup on the table.

"Sizhui," he started and paused. How does he word it? He was quick-witted when it came to unexpected situations, poetic in other moments, but being blunt has always been his downfall.

"Are we celebrating my birthday?"

Too blunt.

The room became dead quiet. Wei Wuxian was tempted to look around the room just to gauge everyone's reaction, and maybe snicker a little, but he focused on his son instead.

Lan Sizhui, for his part, did not spit out his drink like Lan Jingyi, or whisper-yell curse words like Jin Ling, or not even quietly mutter a sad, "Oh, Senior Wei…" like Ouyang Zizhen.

No, his son furrowed his brows and cocked his head--so much like Lan Wangji that Wei Wuxian nearly laughed.

"Of course we are," Lan Sizhui answered. He looked around the room. "Was it not obvious?"

Yes, it was, now that Wei Wuxian thought about it. But, to be fair, it has been almost a year since his return to the living, so this was his first time celebrating his birthday in years. The last time he properly celebrated it was when he turned 15. He quickly banished the thought when shijie's bright smile popped into his head.

No need to think about that now.

He began to laugh, then patted his son on the shoulder and finally turned to look at the juniors surrounding him.

"Surprise, I guess?" he added, going for a smile.

"It was never a surprise!" yelled Jin Ling, standing up from his stool rather clumsily. "Everyone kept mentioning your birthday here!"

To be fair, Wei Wuxian was once again stuck on the fact that the juniors were taking him out and that, frankly, they enjoyed his company enough to book a room to celebrate something.

It just never occurred to him it was because of his birthday.

He laughed weakly and suddenly someone was hugging him tightly.

"Senior Wei!" wailed Ouyang Zizhen, arms tightening around him. "I'm sorry we weren't more obvious--"

"We were!" cut in Jin Ling.

"--but Happy Birthday, Senior Wei!" Ouyang Zizhen, this sweet young man, began to cry, shoulders shaking. It must be the alcohol because Wei Wuxian saw Lan Jingyi sniffle before tears were streaming down his face too.

"Senior Wei!!!" he cried before colliding with them as well.

To Wei Wuxian's horror, the rest of the juniors started to tear up or cry as well, including Jin Ling!

"So stupid!" whispered Jin Ling, wiping his eyes furiously. "Such a stupid Uncle I have."

"Hey!" called out Wei Wuxian, patting the two young men in his arms. "I'm a bit slow!"

"Baba…" whispered someone from his side and Wei Wuxian had to prepare himself before turning to look at Sizhui.

His son, his beautiful and caring son, had tears in his eyes and reached out to pat his head. He knew, Wei Wuxian thought, what the main reason was for his forgetfulness.

His birthday was merely unimportant.

Or so he thought.

~x~

After another few rounds of alcohol, when the juniors were no longer able to stand on their own, Wei Wuxian decided to call it quits. He was enjoying watching them stumble on their words or straight-up toppling down on the floor filled with giggles. They deserved it. But one glance out the window and the sun was slowly but surely going down. It was time to pack up and go back home.

“Alright!” exclaimed Wei Wuxian, feeling just a bit tipsy from all the alcohol he drank. “Time to leave!”

“Do you have all of your gifts?” asked Jingyi, swaying from his spot.

After the revelation of his obliviousness, the juniors practically threw their gifts at him with tears streaming down their faces. Some were wrapped, some were wrapped poorly, and some didn’t even bother to wrap them. Despite the varying appearances of the gifts, it warmed Wei Wuxian to the point that he felt his own tears in his own eyes. He managed to put all the gifts in his qiankun bag--which was handmade by Ouyang Zizhen--and now stood with a heart heavier than it was in the morning.

Looking over all the juniors, laughing and smiling, made him feel some kind of way. Of afternoon summer heats, lake water being splashed, laughter of disciples and Jiang Cheng, and of shijie smiling and calling them in to eat. The memory faded into the one before his eyes and he realized, to his horror, that he was crying.

“Oh, shit,” he mumbled, wiping his face.

He felt someone press against him and he was ready to consult a sobbing Ouyang Zizhen but it turned out to be none other than his son.

Sizhui pressed against him tightly and he laid his head on his shoulder.

“Happy Birthday, baba,” he whispered, eyes looking over his friends before directing that wide and loving gaze to him. “I love you.”

Wei Wuxian laughed with a sob. Sizhui, who would blush when reminded of his earlier, clingy days as a child, now clung to him like the same kid who was buried in the dirt by his Xian-gege.

Was it healthy to feel his chest this tight?

“I love you too,” he whispered before hugging him tightly. “Alright, alright!” he called out, his son still clinging to him. “Time to go! Come on, no don’t groan--no I’m not carrying you, Jingyi, stop giving me that pleading look! The ones who aren’t so intoxicated grab those who are just flat out drunk. Okay, let’s go!”

With that, Wei Wuxian led a stumbling, laughing, and very drunk group of juniors towards Cloud Recesses with Lan Sizhui still stuck to his side.

~x~

Wei Wuxian herded them all into the same room and breathed a sigh of relief, paying no heed to the consequences. The walk back home had burned off the rest of the alcohol in his system so he took out a jar of Emperor’s Smile and took a sip as he wandered the halls of his home. Even now, it was difficult to think of this place as home. Back then, home were piers with lapping water, shouts of vendors, and the smell of summer heat. Here, home became the twinkle of windchimes, light chatter, rushes of water, and the cool feeling of clouds against his skin. When did it change?

He turned the corner and nearly bumped into someone. Out of sheer reflex, he reeled back enough and hid his jar of alcohol behind his back.

“Oh,” he whispered when Lan Xichen gave him a small smile.

Lan Wangji’s older brother has been in seclusion ever since the events of Guanyin Temple . Wei Wuxian couldn’t blame him. The fire that used to burn in the older Lan has died and it hurt Wei Wuxian to see his husband be shut out from helping his brother, the only other person who helped raise him.

This was indeed a rare sight to see.

“Zewu-jun,” he recovered, giving a low bow and in doing so, showed his Emperor’s Smile.

“Master Wei,” responded Lan Xichen, returning the bow. “Please join me before sundown.”

Wei Wuxian glanced at the sky. It was getting dark.

“Where are we going?” asked Wei Wuxian, pausing before shrugging and taking a swig of the jar.

“To drink tea with Uncle and I,” supplied Lan Xichen, walking towards his room.

The alcohol got caught in his throat and he sputtered, “Lan Qiren?”

Lan Xichen gave another smile. “Uncle doesn’t feel so displeased by you as you may think, Master Wei.” He opened the door and Wei Wuxian followed suit. He quickly put his jar away before it could get confiscated.

Sitting at the low table was Lan Qiren, eyes closed and hands on his lap. When his eyes opened, Wei Wuxian was reminded why Lan Qiren earned the title Grand Master.

They bowed and took a seat, Lan Xichen sat beside his uncle andWei Wuxian sat across from them. It took a second before Wei Wuxian reached over to pour the tea. But Lan Xichen simply waved his hands away and poured for them. Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but feel tense. Was this an interrogation?

“Wei Wuxian,” started Lan Qiren after several moments of silence.

The sudden call of his name made him sit up straighter. “Yes?”

Lan Qiren closed his eyes, breathed in and out, before resuming his indifferent stare. “I heard today is cause for celebration.”

It took a minute for the meaning to register in Wei Wuxian’s head.

“Oh!” He fiddled with his tea cup. “Yeah? I mean, yes! It’s, uh, it’s my...birthday?”

Lan Qiren exhaled sharply. “In the Cloud Recesses, one’s day of birth is cause for celebration.” He paused, letting it sink in, before continuing. “Every life is as important as the gods above, Wei Wuxian.” Lan Qiren took a sip of his tea and did not continue.

Wei Wuxian had to blink, hard, in order to understand what the old man was trying to say.

Lan Xichen picked up where his uncle had stopped. “We have delivered gifts to the Jingshi.” Lan Xichen raised his hand when Wei Wuxian went to protest. “I know that the Lans are not known for excessive spending but over the years, well,” Lan Xichen paused, and this time his smile was soft but it was directed at something past Wei Wuxian’s shoulder, “let’s say Wangji had a say or two about our views regarding gifts.”

Every now and again, the realisation hit Wei Wuxian just how much his husband had changed his clan over the years he was gone. He wondered just how much opposition his husband had faced and who stood by his side through it all. It hurt, knowing he wasn’t one of them, but seeing the results of his husband’s stubborn nature gave him a pleasant sense of pride.

After a few words were exchanged and one more round of tea, Wei Wuxian was excused. It was already dark and the lanterns filled the hallways with a syrupy orange yellow. There was much to think about as the day came to a close. It was his birthday and people were celebrating it. For the first time in years. To Wei Wuxian, it was just another day. But he’s seen the time and effort people have made in order to remind him how happy--or in the case of Old Man Lan, tolerant --they were that he was born today. Something warm pooled at the bottom of his belly and he knew it wasn’t the alcohol or tea he’d drank today. Just like he pondered earlier, while the Cloud Recesses was very different from his old home, the people living here, greeting him, asking for his advice, seeking out his tutelage, and even asking for some of his time to be with him--his son and Jingyi do this quite often--have made this place home.

Before he knew it, he was in front of the Jingshi. A place meant for him and his husband.. A safe space to unwind, to call his own.

He opened the door and was greeted with the sight of his husband.

Lan Wangji sat prim and proper, back straight, and was pouring Emperor’s Smile into one of the jade cups he bought from one of his travels. The low table was decorated with several plates including longevity cold noodles and spicy wontons, the red oil coating each one. After pouring his own tea, Lan Wangji stood up and walked towards him.

After today, after feeling emotionally wrecked by the juniors, reminded of his past--sweet summer times--and having a talk with his brother-in-law and uncle-in-law, seeing his husband giving him such a tender look caused the dam to break. So, in the comfort of these four walls, Wei Wuxian cried as his husband pulled him close. He tucked his head into his neck and tried to quiet the sobs, to reign in all of his feelings that were spilling out. But his husband swayed them back and forth and, for some odd reason, that made him sob out loud . He simply let go because he knew that out of everyone alive today, Lan Wangji will be there to catch him.

He didn’t know how much time had passed but at some point, Lan Wangji removed his outer robe and replaced it with a soft inner one. His qiankun bag was placed on the table and he was gently manhandled to sit beside him. He let him raise the cup of wine to his lips and he took a slow sip, savoring the wine and its cacophony of taste. He let him place the longevity noodle into his mouth and held the bowl under his chin as he slurped, and slurped, and slurped.

After a bit, Wei Wuxian blinked and he no longer felt weighed down by his own overwhelming emotions. Instead, he focused on Lan Wangji and his quiet devotion. The way he added foods to his bowl and lifted them to his lips, making sure he chewed before putting the bowl and chopsticks down before refilling his cup of wine. It went by like this for a while before Wei Wuxian shook his head when Lan Wangji lifted another piece of food to his mouth.

Lan Wangji said nothing and put the food back in the bowl.

“Thank you,” whispered Wei Wuxian, shifting closer and leaning against him.

“No thank yous,” responded Lan Wangji, fully melting into the soft touch. “It is Wei Ying’s birthday.”

“Yeah,” he sniffed, “I’ve been reminded of that,” he paused before adding, “constantly.”

“As it should be,” Lan Wangji rumbled out, pulling Wei Wuxian closer until he was fully seated on his lap. Wei Wuxian sighed and snuggled in closer.

“I actually forgot about my birthday,” he confessed. “I couldn’t remember the last time I even celebrated it. I didn’t realize it was such a bad thing until the juniors--oh, Lan Zhan, the juniors! You should have seen them! They were so drunk and they did it to celebrate my birthday but, really, between us, I think they just used that excuse to drink. Anyway! Ouyang Zizhen is such a cryer! It took a long time to get him off of me because he felt sad that I forgot. He felt sad for me, Lan Zhan! So many of those little ducklings did! And, did you know that your brother and your Uncle invited me for tea?” Lan Wangji hummed quietly, as if to say: no, he didn’t know. “They did! I got so scared! I thought I was going to get scolded for drinking my precious wine during the day. But they, in their roundabout way, told me happy birthday as well.”

He paused, not sure of this feeling gripping his heart, but then continued on.

“I’m so happy. I don’t know how I’m going to ever repay it.”

Here, his husband tipped his chin up and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

“There’s no repayment when those close to you only want your happiness.”

Lan Wangji let him sit on that thought.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Wei Wuxian sniffed after a pause, then nodded. “Yup, definitely right.”

Lan Wangji hummed.

They sat there, letting the leftover food cool and the crickets continue their play, before Wei Wuxian shifted. He gave his husband a sly smile.

“And, pray tell, my husband,” he cooed, leaning in to kiss Lan Wangji’s neck, “what is your birthday present for me, hm?”

Lan Wangji let out a huff of laughter before presenting a wooden box. It was simple, really, the corners of it chipped and the wood looking worn out. But Wei Wuxian grabbed it with the delight of a child that had just been given their first candy.

“For me?” he squealed, sitting up straighter.

“Mn,” Lan Wangji responded. “But it is not from me.”

Wei Wuxian made a questioning sound, giving him a funny look. “From who?”

Lan Wangji didn’t answer and that roused Wei Wuxian’s curiosity even more. He opened the top and inside the box was a folded parchment, along with a bell. He picked up the parchment and unfolded it.

Wei Wuxian,

Hanguang-jun has been persistent these past couple of days about your...birthday. That’s the only reason I’m writing this to you. No other. Have this and don’t bother writing back.

Another folded paper fell into Wei Wuxian’s palm. With trembling hands, he unfolded that one and--

“This is--!”

In Jiang Cheng’s messy handwriting, it was a recipe for lotus and pork rib soup, specifically his shijie’s.

“Ha,” wheezed out Wei Wuxian, “Wha--how?” He blindly reached in for the bell and, in the soft lights of the Jingshi, the unmistakable designs of the Yunmeng Clan shone brightly.

“A clarity bell?”

“He refused to come,” whispered Lan Wangji, arms tight around Wei Wuxian. “But he gave me these moments before I left.”

Wei Wuxian couldn’t help the disbelieving laugh that left him. “He...what?”

Lan Wangji said nothing else and Wei Wuxian suddenly realized that this was the reason that his husband had left.

“Aiya, Lan Zhan,” whispered out Wei Wuxian, “Why…”

Lan Wangji always seemed to surprise him in unexpected ways, but this might have topped them all.

“I love you,” Wei Wuxian said instead, leaning over to kiss him. “I love you so much.”

“Happy Birthday, Wei Ying,” whispered Lan Wangji, pressing their lips together softly. “I love you.”

And from that night onward, Wei Wuxian began to anticipate his birthday with glee.

[lavendergrace13]

riptide - a TS8 album concept

So... I saw a lot of album concepts going around online and I got inspired to create my own. Here’s ‘’riptide’’, an album that is like Lover and reputation’s love child with RED lyrics and Speak Now vibes. It’s pop country with a lot of other influences.

The idea behind this album would obviously be the riptide and how it can confront you with good and bad stuff as well as wash away both the good and the bad. It’s a representation of how Taylor has grown and how much she has learned over the course of her life and her career, and there’s a lot of different styles on it. It’s very reflective, maybe a little darker, but with a lot of love and light as well. Promo for it would start in early summer, with a September release. - because in September everything is brand new and as a nod to ‘’you’ll have new Septembers.’’ She’d announce it with a special video of her standing at the beach, what we will later learn is the location for the album photoshoot, telling us that this is a continuation of Lover’s vulnerability and reputation’s power. The era will have a lot of photoshoots, interviews for magazines and a lot of performances and singles, and she will bring back the polaroids. However, tis will also be a closer look into what her life is like now and it will help us understand more of why she has gotten so private. It really is all about where Taylor has come from and where she is now.

1. golden linings

the lead single and basically a continuation of Daylight with the use of the word ‘’golden.’’ It’s about how she’s happy now, how she has found a way to grow and evolve from everything that happens and how she has found that this is the best way to defeat the negative. Key lyric is something along the lines of ‘’baby, why settle for a silver lining when you can make it golden’’ and there’s a spoken word piece in it about turning her lessons into legacy (because this album is the very definition of that). It’s uptempo and the music video offers Easter eggs that are clear references to her earlier eras, with a lot of colors, pretty dresses and her doing a really pretty dance in the daylight.

2. welcome to court

a killer track in the same style as Cruel Summer, I Did Something Bad etc. It’s a call-out to the music industry and how that is like a corut full of intrigues and dirty games. It’s the fourth single - the first post-release - and Taylor goes all out with it by shooting the music video at a lavish castle and wearing the most awesome dresses, and it has scenes of her swordfighting, horseriding, dancing at a masquerade and being a queen. There’s also a small storyline in the lyrics about how she found ‘’a prince nor a king’’ who helped her flee. There’s Love Story references and this is heavily promoted as a diss to Scooter/Scott. It also resembles Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince. 

3. riptide

the title track that is like a mix of This Love and Clean and uses metaphors of the riptide. The song wins two Grammys because of the gorgeous poetic lyrics and is completely self-written and played by her on acoustic guitar (first part) and piano (second part). It’s very personal as Taylor describes the things that have been her ebb and flow. It doesn’t have a music video, but Taylor promotes it in the same kind of way as she did with her journals, but this time by releasing a poetry collection to go along with the album called riptide, which also features drawings and bonus polaroids. 

4. heavenly

a mix between Holy Ground and Long Live and dedicated to her fans and how she feels when she’s performing, also dedicated to the newfound happiness she experienced during the reputation tour. 

5. caged butterfly

the ‘’track 5 syndrome’’ and the track we’ve all secretly been waiting for: it’s about how she sometimes felt held captive by her record label and about what Big Machine did to her, about how she was never artistically free, but also about the things about her career that damaged her, such as body image, the fact that she couldn’t go to college or have a normal life, the mockign and all that. It’s very emotional, like a continuation of The Archer as one of her most personal songs. It’s also the longest. 

6. heartstrings & headlines

a very sweet acoustic song and the second single. it’s intimate along the lines of Call It What You Want and Cornelia Street. It’s about her private relationship with Joe, and in the lyrics - it’s self-written - she uses a lot of picture details about what their life is like. It’s also about their decision to keep things private and have their own little bubble hidden away from the public eye. Key lyric: ‘’our heartstrings don’t make headlines, because they’re only yours and mine.’’ a fan favorite. the music video shows Taylor and an actor in a very cozy home, with cameos for the cats. 

7. catching fireflies (ft. Kelsea Ballerini)

a classic country song and the third and final single before the release. It’s super catchy and the music video has butterfly wings, glitter, birds, sidewalk chalk, pink champagne and all those things. It’s basically It’s Nice To Have A Friend meets 22 and is about how even when things are rough and dark, there’s always fireflies, AKA bright spots AKA good things. 

8. crumbled fairytale

a song that turns out to be entirely different than people initially think based on the track list: they suspect it’s sad and vulnerable, but it’s actually a feminist anthem about how girls aren’t princesses and they should shatter their glass ceilings and glass slippers and toss away their fairytales. It references the Women’s March and The Man and in the bridge she also talks about Time’s Up and #MeToo and her sexual assault trial and women in the music industry. It’s the fifth single and the music video has a variety of female-identifying fans in stunning power outfits breaking stereotypes: they each start in a princess dress and then tear it off with a sword to reveal butterfly wings. 

9. one million midnights

a self-written, vulnerable song about the darker times of her life. It references a lot of ‘’2am’’-parts from previous songs when she lay awake with a broken heart or a mind wandering about insecurities or scars from what people did to her, and it’s a lot like The Archer. a song she never performs live because it’s too painful for her to think back of those times. 

10. reins of fate

another song that is a deep cut and hits hard, about ow her image controlled what she did for a long time, like invisible reins in her spine from the life she chose, but not the choices se chose. It’s about how for a long time she wasn’t free to curse or drink or dress in a certain way and it’s also about her system of doing what people wanted from her or said she couldn’t do. the bridge is about cutting those reins and is very powerful. 

11. rewrite the stars

a continuation of track 10, but in a more empowering way with a very alluring beat and an encouragement to take control over your story, to adjust and rewrite the stars and determine your own direction. Kind of like New Romantics.

12. picture book (ft. Selena Gomez)

 the sixth single and the long awaited collab! It’s about nostalgia and growing up, referencing The Best Day and Never Grow Up, with a lot of memories and a really cute music video that resembles the Everything Has Changed one, but this time with two girls becoming best friends. There’s also some emotional parts about monsters under your bed that turn out to be nothing like the real life monsters, a nod to Out of the Woods and Soon You’ll Get Better. 

13. thirteen years

a hugely emotional, acoustic, very long, self-written song about the thirteen years of her career, the significance of the number 13 and the reflection on who she was and has become. the most anticipated track. she performs it with a 13 on her hand.

14. when push comes to shore

an acoustic ballad about letting go parts of yourself, parts of your life and realizing that you also sometimes need to let people go. it’s the continuation of riptide and it’s about how when push comes to shore, you will know who you really are and what you hold close to your heart and what you can let go of. the most underrated song off of the album. it’s the seventh and final single and the music video is very serene, switching between Taylor sitting at a campfire on the beach with her guitar singing the song and her standing in the riptide. 

15. slumber

a very sexy song much like Dress and False God, but on the next level, about temptation and experimenting and discovering your sex life and those slumbering moments right before or right after sex, moments when you can really feel close to someone and the whole world and everything fades.

16. olive branch (ft. Katy Perry)

the biggest surprise of the album: a song that is both upbeat and slow. it’s about forgiving people when the time is right and when you’re both better people, but also about how you sometimes don’t have to forgive, and also about how you should sometimes forgive yourself. Taylor’s quote ‘’you don’t have to forgive and you don’t have to forget, you can just move on’’ is a big part of the song’s philosophy. 

17. tightrope dancer

a slow, subtle, but powerful song about a relationship when you’re so trusting of each other that you know you’ll fall together, but that you’ll also be able to do the most complicated dances and catch each other. it’s about how you can sometimes tumble off the tightrope, but how that will be okay because the other person will catch you and you’ll climb back up together, through it all, and that the tightrope will never brack. it’s a lot like Delicate and people make expressive dance videos for it.

18. love letters only

a self-written, acoustic song that is basically a letter from Taylor to herself, about everything she has learned and how she has grown. it’s about the things she’d like to say to her past self and her future self and to her current self, and there’s a lot of gorgeous self-empowerment lyrics. it becomes an instagram trend to post love letters only to yourself.

In December, Taylor surprises us with a deluxe version of the album that features five bonus tracks, all acoustic collaborations. There’s no singles or music videos, but she does release an intimate video for each song of her and the other artist in the studio performing it, much like Ed Sheeran’s Abbey Road videos. She brings those other artists out on tour frequently.

1. night dreamer (ft. Ellie Goulding)

a song about sometimes wanting to escape, run away, and laying awake at night imagining that you’d leave and build another life for yourself somewhere else, to just drop off the face of the earth to start over.

2. kaleidoscope (ft. Ed Sheeran)

much like Everything Has Changed and a fan-favorite, it’s about how each person is a kaleidoscope of so many colors and shades and that it’s always hard to figure out what someone’s true colors are, referencing the backlash Ed got for not publicly supporting Taylor while they never got any less close.

3. you never had the right (ft. Halsey)

a smash song that is very powerful, addressing everything people think they’re entitled to when you’re famous. it strongly references Taylor’s sexual assault case and her stalkers and the ‘’I want the old Taylor back’’ people.

4. heartstrong (ft. Ariana Grande)

a power ballad about being confident and strong when people give you a hard time, about standing your ground and fighting back instead of shaking it off. very strong lyrics and a lot of power notes from Ariana.

5. karma (ft. Lorde)

a ‘’welcome to court/Cruel Summer’’-esque song about fighting fire with fire and being a snake or a dragon when you are wronged, but also abotu throwing off your armor because you know fate will pull at the strings to get them what they deserve. a song, in short, about knowing when to enter and exit the battlefield. 

So... what do you guys think? 

[rozsapalota]

The Most Random Questions About Your Muse.

*Copy and paste. Do not reblog*

Name: Gábor Szilvás.

1. Do they believe in true love? Absolutely. His attention span is generally rather short and he will drift from one infatuation to another, however when he loves he always does so truly, and has never been dishonest about his feelings. He holds some terribly poetic ideas about love, any kind of love be it platonic or romantic; and if he feels it, if he really feels affection for someone, then that is all he needs to know it is true.

2. Do they believe that their life has meaning? In a personal and emotional sense, most definitely. Not in the grand scheme of things. He values the simplicity of there being no greater meaning, no real divine plan other than for this world to be here, and for us to have the means to experience it. He really doesn’t regard himself as important, and would be quite honestly overwhelmed if he were. Probably in line to some extent with Lestat’s Savage Garden ramblings.

3. What first impression do they give when they first meet someone? He looks and feels quite frail, gentle. Long-limbed, fresh-faced, a graceful and sensitive youth of alluring innocence and girlish beauty. Now more than ever he might appear a bit removed from time, perhaps due to his choice of clothing which often reflects his own era in one way or another. He is very well-mannered and soft-spoken, carries himself like a noble and most certainly gives the vibe of old money, silver spoon in his mouth.

4. Do they believe in Heaven/Hell? By default, yes, or at least he used to. For a long time now he’s been thinking that there might be nothing, and he doesn’t really know what to make of it. You tend to contemplate death a lot, when you’re a vampire.

5. FIVE things that irritate them:

   1 )  low quality materials    2 )  poorly translated poetry    3 )  rudeness    4 )  any form of animal cruelty    5 )  out of tune instruments

6. First Kiss? He used to have the cutest crush on one of his older sister's friends back when he was maybe 7, and it was painfully obvious to everyone who spent any amount of time around the two. He couldn’t look her in the eye for longer than a couple seconds, and so of course when they all played charades and later on truth or dare, he was immediately dared to give her a kiss. Fortunately she was endeared or else he wouldn’t have had the courage, and she came to cradle his face in her hands and give him a kiss herself.

7. What do they find funny that other’s usually don’t? Hungarian puns can be too hard to explain sometimes ( say “Nagy Árpi” quickly and repeatedly, and don’t ask why he’s struggling to hold his laughter ). Blame Lotti for having taught him that.

8. Biggest Regret? That he was so naive as to fully trust his sire. That he never thought or had the nerve to press for answers before the irreversible took place.

9. THREE words that best describe them:

   1 )  graceful    2 )  affectionate    3 )  gullible

10. Their most attractive feature. It would have to be either his eyes, or his hands. There is at times a truly disarming expressiveness to his gaze, those long lashes of his, the colour an uncertain middle ground between light hazel and green. The eyes really are a mirror to his soul.

11. The feature that they find most attractive? It’s still the eyes. They’re one of the first traits he notices and nothing works him up quite like intense eye-contact.

12. Favorite Song Lyric: He’s more into instrumentals honestly.

13. Best advice they’ve ever received: “Do not become so perverted that you would disobey your own nature. Therein lies the path to ruin.” ( you know who you are, mystery advisor. )

14. Worst advice they’ve ever received: Nothing deep or meaningful here, but he was once told that eggs would make a great ingredient for a homemade hair mask. And they are. Except he went to rinse with warm water and somehow it never occurred to him the egg would begin to cook as a consequence. Sometimes I swear there's only white noise in his head.

15. What makes them cry? It really doesn’t take a lot to make this boy cry. Try raising your voice at him and you’ll see what I mean, generally however he will get emotional over anything from films to poetry, music, sad pet adoption or life insurance commercials on TV.

16. Hardest decision they ever had to make? Permanently leaving his family home. He’d killed a stable boy the night after his birth to darkness, entirely without meaning to or really knowing what he was doing. A maid would soon share the same fate. He realised at once, of course, that staying was out of the question; but that never made the decision any easier.

17. What makes them fond of someone? Kindness, kindness has its way of ensnaring him without fail. Joie de vivre, rather like his dear Lotti, hearty and contagious laughter. Generosity, honesty. Just being nice to him or having a sense of humour. Believe me when I tell you it is very easy to get him to like you.

18. Do they believe in forgiveness? He most certainly does, though he struggles even now, to some extent, to really understand or forgive his maker.

19. Biggest TURN ON. A dominant partner, that’s what does it for him. He has a very strong preference for men in this department and likes nothing more than being courted, the spicy back-and-forth of flirting where you can sense an underlying intent. He likes to play coy after all, and baby if you’re charming and a little bit intimidating, he might as well do anything you ask him to.

20. Biggest TURN OFF. Bad manners, rudeness, callousness. Ostentatious vulgarity in general.

21. Any fetishes/kinks? Power imbalance probably tops the list. Being someone’s submissive, being told what to do. A bit of hair pulling / biting / manhandling when it gets intense, but nothing extreme. Orgasm denial / edging is another big one, and also lots and lots of praise. Otherwise he’s reasonably vanilla, except maybe for blood sharing on occasion?

22. Do they have a perception of God? Vaguely so. He was raised Christian, but he is one only at surface level. Nobody in his family was a devout believer and the existence of God was rather passively accepted as the conventional truth. He doesn’t question it, and yet religion has never plagued him or caused him any great turmoil, as it was not a very significant part of his life save for the obligatory Sunday masses. If he were to pick a label he would probably call himself something of a deist.

23. A memory from their childhood that shaped them. He was a very pampered child growing up, always complimented left and right for being pretty as his sisters, often mistaken for a girl himself. It’s a dreamy place of his past to revisit, and he’s still young for a vampire; the memories feel fresh to him, recent to his preternatural mind. He remembers well the evenings of those long gone times when the house was alive and full of music, his mother putting on her pearl earrings before the mirror of her bedroom wall. He remembers leaning against the wooden balcony railing when he wanted to trace constellations, long before they’d ever left for Budapest. He remembers hearing the wolves there, and feeling safe where he stood.

24. Birthday and zodiac sign: October 1st, he’s a Libra.

25. Do they agree with said zodiac sign? He thinks zodiacs are a lot of fun and does relate to many of the traits associated with his sign, but he refuses to believe that he is superficial. :(

26. What is ONE thing that they wish they could change about themselves? He’s pretty comfortable in his skin, as well as comfortable with his own personality. That said, he would tone down the sensitivity if he could, he genuinely cannot participate in an argument without being on the verge of tears.

27. A dream that they have never told anyone. He won’t tell this to anyone because he realises how pathetic it is of him, a product of his heartbreak. It makes him feel miserable to even think about it. He just wishes there could have been some way to be happy alongside his maker, some way to have made him realise that bringing him into this immortality would ruin everything, everything they had. Maybe what he truly needs in order to forgive, is an apology.

28. Do they believe in fate? Not really, but there’s definitely a romantic appeal to the idea.

29. Favourite season: Spring.

30. FIVE favourite singers/bands/performers: Chopin, Tchaikovsky, Liszt, and more recently ABBA and Lana del Rey.

TAGGED BY: @desanctii ( thank you ! ) TAGGING: once you see this I’m sorry but you’re it, no takebacks

[perditaalottachocolate-blog]

Spring Fever (12)

@adrinetteapril 2019 story

Chapter: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | art | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | art | 18 | 19 | 20 |

AO3 / fanfiction.net

*****

Chapter 12. Confession

In which Adrien demonstrates how not to confess

Adrien knew Marinette arrived at the set before he saw her. And even if he misinterpreted the prickling sensation crawling all over his skin, the hint of a pull towards the entrance left no doubt that the object of his affection was near.

Plagg hadn’t bothered with disclosing the mechanics behind spring fever, evading that it worked in mysterious ways and there was not enough camembert in Paris that would give him strength and patience required to explain it anyway.

The profuse sweat Adrien had been dealing with since the day before earned him a few complaints from the make-up artist. There was nothing Adrien could do about it, at least not until he’d get the curing kiss, yet the thought of approaching Marinette about it made his hands even more clammy. He tucked the handkerchief into his jacket, pretending it was pocket square matched to the outfit, despite it being a different shade of blue. He didn’t want Marinette’s scent, still lingering on the material, to be tainted with his odor. And as far as odors went, Adrien had learned his lesson, so Plagg’s emergency food, which the kwami kept insisting to call ”lunch”, was sealed inside a zip-lock bag and put in another one for better measure. The containers rested in Adrien’s bag next to an ice-pack, to prevent them from melting into Eau de Plagg. The sprite had complained, of course, but his heart wasn’t in it.

Ever since the black cat had woken Adrien up from his fever induced dream, the boy was bracing himself for the inevitable confrontation with the love of his life. His stomach twisted into a tight knot and his head swam with possible speeches. He’d been rehearsing the words over and over again but they were almost all gone the moment Marinette walked through the entrance to the dressing area with Nathalie in tow.

It was as if suddenly a second sun appeared in the sky. The world became warmed, brighter, softer. A gentle breeze filled his nose with heady scents of magnolia, apple blossoms and earth. It mused the carefully styled hair on his forehead. It colored his cheeks peach under the foundation the make-up artist had applied. It sent his heart into a frenzy and poured fire into his veins.

He was so not ready to do this. He would never be.

Adrien felt a shallow bite of two needle-sharp teeth on his calf and he realized he’d been too wrapped up in daze to react in any way to Marinette’s arrival, except for staring and drooling (just a little bit).

‘H-hi!’ he squeaked, about two octaves above his usual timbre. ‘You’re h-here!’ he hiccupped eloquently.

‘Should I not be?’ Marinette sounded uncertain. She was fidgeting anxiously in her place. ‘You texted me?’ she reminded.

‘Yeah-h! Of course you should be h-here!’ Adrien cursed his twisted tongue. It had been functioning just fine until the love of his life manifested in this mortal domain. In four steps he was in front of Marinette and stopped himself at the last moment, before he would give her a welcome hug and a kiss.

Boundaries, Adrien scolded himself. It’s a thing.

What’s wrong with an innocent bisou? The fever whispered into his ear.

The boy wanted to argue, that right now he didn’t trust himself to do anything innocent in Marinette’s presence, but the girl of his dreams smiled at him and all the remaining thoughts evaporated from his sizzling brain.

‘So…,’ Marinette brushed a stray lock of her hair behind her ear. ‘How do you feel today?’ She discreetly checked if Nathalie already left, but when she noticed his father’s assistant still stood at the entrance, she wiggled her brows meaningly. ‘I hope the gift worked well for you?’

‘Yeah-h,’ Adrien vigorously nodded. ‘It worked like a ch-charm.’ He turned to the woman behind his guest. ‘Nathalie, can I… um… h-have a moment with Marinette alone, please?’

Miss Sancoeur cast him an even look. She clicked on her tablet. ‘The photoshoot is scheduled to start in 5 minutes,’ she informed him.

‘S-sure! I’ll be ready,’ he promised.

The woman gave a nod of approval and left, leaving the two teens to themselves.

Heavy silence fell over the room. Marinette moved away from Adrien, closer to the racks of clothes he was supposed to be showcasing that morning. He knew she would be curious, but she didn’t try to steal a peek nor shown interest in them, her attention solely on him.

Adrien took a deep breath. A breath that seemed to shorten the distance between them, as if he sucked up the air keeping them apart. Keep away from her, he reminded himself, do not touch her if you want to keep a relatively level head. She’s your drug now. Keep away. We’re all friends here, we’re professionals.

With that last thought he halted two steps away from her. His body screamed in big hot letters to close the distance, but he prevailed. For the sake of their friendship he still hoped to salvage. He willed his head to stop spinning, ignoring another wave of heat washing over him.

Here goes nothing.

‘Marinette,’ he murmured, 'I wasn’t honest with you yesterday. I didn’t tell you everything about the true nature of my predicament.’

‘True nature?’ she echoed. 'Is it dangerous?’

'No! Nothing of a sort,’ he assured her, noticing she didn’t ask if it was contagious, but only if it posed any danger. That line of thinking was something he was used to associating with Ladybug not with a civilian. Was there no end to all the ways Marinette would keep astonishing him? 'But I’m not sure how you’re going to react and the last thing I’d want is to hurt you,’ he said.

'Hurt me? I don’t understand.’ An adorable little wrinkle appeared between her brows. She tilted her head as she assessed him. Did she have to be so unbearably cute? Just like in his dream.

'I love you,’ Adrien breathed before he could stop himself.

A heartbeat, two, three. An eternity of silence, with metaphorical crickets chirping in the background. A silence so thick even the distant shout from the photoshoot crew couldn’t shatter it.

It was Marinette who broke first.

'W-whaaa?’

The panic that gripped him let his tongue loose.

'It’s the curse!’ he babbled frantically, the rehearsed speech long forgotten. 'It made me fall in love with you, up to the point where I can’t stand not being close to you. I think it’s magical, hence the literal magnet effect you witnessed yesterday. But it may be prone to suggestions since your idea for a talisman worked perfectly.’

'I’m sorry,’ Marinette drawled in bewildered whisper. 'You lost me at “I love you”!’

'I am’, he assured her solemnly, nodding his head like a maniac. 'Deeply, madly in love with you. It’s called spring fever and the only cure is a kiss from the object of my affection.’

‘A k-kiss? From me? To- to cure you from loving me?’

Her blue eyes were as big as saucers now, blinking in confusion. She frowned and pressed her lips into a thin line.

Ah, congratulations, Adrien, you already screwed this.

‘Oh my god, I’m sorry!’ he exclaimed. ‘I know how it sounds and believe me I wouldn’t be asking if I could function as a normal person, but there are some matters that I can’t really tell you about that require me being, so to speak, my own man.’

‘So you want me to kiss you and then you un-love me?’ she asked carefully.

‘Basically yes.’ At this point Adrien couldn’t stop nodding even if he tried, his neck set on autopilot out of sheer mortification.

‘Gosh, you must think I’m a terrible kisser,’ Marinette shook her head. ‘Well let me tell you, mister, I never had any complaints!’

Marinette kissed someone else? Was it Nathanael? Was it Luka? The possessive cat in him bristled at those thoughts. Adrien did his best to stop the growl that threatened to rip out of his throat. Marinette wasn’t his to be acting all jealous. He shook his head to get rid of those silly ideas.

‘I’m sure your kisses are the best in the world, Marinette,’ he blurted out. After all, he daydreamed about them for a whole day and was close to self combusting at the thought of them alone. He needed to prove his honesty. ‘In fact, I’m dying to find out because only the thought of kissing you makes me dizzy with excitement,’ he said eagerly. ‘I could wax poetic about your smile and your gorgeous lips. I could spend hours counting those adorable freckles on your skin-’

‘Careful, Adrien,’ she scowled at him. ‘A girl might get a very wrong idea when you say things like that.’

‘I knoooow,’ he whined. ‘I’m a walking disaster! I thought my love for Lad-, I thought I had it bad before this, but I had no idea love can be so powerful!’

Marinette glared at him for an uncomfortably long moment. Normally any sign of attention from her would be a nice boost to his ego, but not now. Not when he was on the receiving end of her scrutiny. He knew he was finally being 100% honest, even if his choice of words could have been better. But she had every reason not to trust him - starting with him trying to evade her questions yesterday, through his pitiful attempt at getting a kiss from her without disclosing the whole truth about his predicament, up to the “magical” explanation he had provided. Adrien couldn’t blame her, he sounded ridiculous to his own very red pair of ears. He gulped wondering what will he do when she inevitably turns on her heels and leaves his pathetic butt behind.

Finally the love of his life released a frustrated groan and hid her face in her hands. ‘Okay,’ she said.

‘Okay?’

‘Okay, I’ll do it,’ she repeated as she emerged from behind her hands.

Was it his imagination or did she shrink in the last few seconds? He could see the determination in her eyes, but there was something else lurking underneath as well.

Adrien hesitated as he searched her gaze. Sadness, resignation, pain. He couldn’t put it into words, but whatever it was, the weight of her stare made his stomach sink. Whatever it was, he didn’t like it.

‘But?’ He asked eventually, averting his gaze to the floor. Maybe she wanted him to figure it out himself, as he assumed there must have been something on her mind.

Marinette arched a brow. ‘Do you really think I would follow with a “but”?’

‘No, but…’

‘Exactly. No “but”,’ she repeated with emphasis. ‘If you need to do this, we’re doing this. No strings attached.’

Adrien had exactly two words left in him. ‘Thank you,’ he breathed.

First, came the relief and elation that Marinette agreed to provide the cure he needed. His chest was no longer tight with tension. Then, the gratitude curved his lips into a soft smile. His heart stuttered giddy with excitement that he’d finally get a kiss he’d remember! Adrien tried to swallow the spoonful of bitter guilt that he’d go back to not loving this wonderful girl in just a few moments.

‘So…’ Marinette’s voice cut into his thoughts. She wrung her fingers and stepped anxiously from one foot to the other. A fresh coat of pink colored her cheeks. ‘Do you want me to do this now or-’

‘Shouldn’t you buy me a dinner first?’ He murmured in an attempt to lighten the mood. Marinette looked nervous and god only knew how jittery he was right now.

She pursed her lips into a thin line, but the twinkle in her eyes told him it was to prevent her from laughing at loud.

‘Sorry,’ he grinned. He wasn’t sorry even a little bit.

Marinette bit her lower lip as if considering how to approach the matter. Then she stepped closer and climbed to her toes, gripping the lapels of his jacket for stability.

Adrien felt his heart hammering wildly in his ribcage, the rush of blood sent another heat wave through his system.

A breath of air that escaped her brushed his lips with warmth. The heady scents of spring surrounded him again, enclosing him in a personal bubble of bliss. Marinette closed her eyes with a sigh and leaned in. The last thing Adrien saw before closing his own was her tantalizingly perfect pink lips puckered into an adorable “o”.

This is it, he thought, tilting his head.

‘So this is how you save yourself for Ladybug?!’ A voice roared from the door.