#god the fucking levels of dynamic are insane here.......

[skitskatdacat63]

I'm starting a collection.

Flavio....

[nightcolorz]

before this episode I was wondering if they would change the timeline of Armand’s backstory since he is so much older (like 17- to thirties is a big jump), and Armand’s backstory is heavily reliant on him still being a child who is living with Marius and deprived of any life of his own prematurely. I thought maybe they would change the timeline from Armand is bought by Marius, he is living with Marius, he is turned, he is taken by the cult, since armand is an adult and there is room for him to experience deviations in his story. But, they r seemingly sticking to that format which has some rlly disturbing implications, that I rlly enjoy!

in the vampire Armand the dynamic is that Armand wants to be a vampire and Marius tries to resist this fate for him bcus he knows that it would be cruel to doom a child to that life for his own selfish purposes, but he of course eventually gives in for those selfish purposes and regrets it bcus of how fucked up being turned rlly young makes Armand. There’s another layer where Marius buys Armand with the explicit intent of turning him into a vampire when he is ready bcus he considers Armand less of a person then Bianca, his current human lover, and thinks because he is so “broken” by his trauma that the cruelty of vampirism would not hold the same implications for him (since he is functionally void of any purpose or humanity anyway). Then he goes on to regret this mindset bcus of Armand’s brilliance and resilience which proves his mindset wrong, and he takes a stressful 180 and refuses to turn Armand until ofc he does.

in the show the thematic implications of vampirism r changed in a way by the new format. It’s implied instead that Marius bought Armand with the intent of keeping a human for his sexual purposes and refuses to turn Armand because that would leverage them (especially in his adulthood) as closer to equals, which he doesn’t want bcus he enjoys Armand for his use, his submission, and his “beauty in his humanity”. His intentions in the book r, in my humble opinion, gross and predatory, but they r even more so in this version.

In the book marius’s options he considers are A: mercy (send Armand to collage like his other young apprentices, giving him the same opportunities as any other boy that he is not having sex with, and hoping that he goes on to live a fulfilled life and forget about his childhood with Marius) or B cruelty (give into his temptation and turn Armand, having him be his companion for eternity but then submitting to the cruelty of both depriving Armand of the humanity he deserves to experience and risking Armand’s descent into madness due to being turned both prematurely and of an unstable mind)

As it seems so far in the show (I could be wrong) Marius’s options with Armand were instead A: mercy (turn Armand into a vampire so that he can evolve from his role as a prostitute and experience life as marius’s equal footed lover who he respects enough to meet on an emotional level) or B: cruelty: (keep Armand as a catamite for his entire life until he considers him a broken toy and moves on to the next). In this version vampirism is the kinder option!! Which is insane but heart breaking. Amc iwtv has a habit of taking already disturbing things from the books and making them 10x worse (which I sometimes hate, but in this case kind of like). It’s as if there is no hope for Amadeo, and never was, which is just rlly a guy punch.

there also is an implication here that instead of Armand’s childish stunted mindset being caused, of course, by how young he was when he was turned, it was instead caused by how he was raised as a infantilized functional slave who is valued for his lack of agency or control, which causes him to have a sort of stunted growth. And like, God that’s horrible

[tabithatwo]

okay, it has been a HOT fucking second, but it's time for the rest of my jackie taylor is a lesbian and she knows it (or she at LEAST knows she likes women) thoughts for the pilot (this is a continuation, if you feel like this is abrupt click the link <3)

jackie trying to set shauna up with randy LISTEN she does it in SUCH a lesbian-minded way...like ah yes, a boy that can be an accessory and what if you dated randy and you wouldn't like him (i KNOW you wouldn't like him) and i kept dating jeff (i don't like him and don't you KNOW that i don't like him?) and then we could always insist on double dates and every time i have to go out with jeff, i'd actually be going out with you <3 <3

jackie is not even looking much at shauna's outfits when shauna turns to her for feedback and y'know why??? the existence of BOOB DRESS!!! the sheer lesbianism of that line continues to amaze me. shauna! just wear the dress i got you that makes your boobs look sooooo good pleasssse?? LIKE HELLO??

shauna gets frustrated which jackie clearly didn't expect, so what's she gonna do?? immediately make a joke <3 back off <3 try and make her smile <3 (sidebar idk how people read this scene as intensely mean and controlling jackie like i beg you to watch again, they're teenagers being teenagers, jackie unintentionally upsets shauna and shauna gets frustrated and jackie smooths it over and shauna chills out like that's the scene baby)

jackie being sooo happy that shauna is joking again (this is one of those times we see the smile/laugh that only shauna really gets out of her)

she's got her arm around jeff but her eyes on shauna for much of this scene and we get a completely different jackie here with jeff than we saw in the opening because she is PERFORMING! like this is the man she makes herself tolerate serving his purpose for real, such a young lesbian experience

okay that is ENOUGH of that man (truly three seconds with her arm around him, where her eyes were still on shauna not him), jackie hands jeff her drink and immediately reaches for shauna when she wants to dance

okay more performance yes, like she's clearly putting on a show here but also?? it is SOOOO obvious that little miss broody shauna is watching right now and jackie actually looks directly at her for good fucking measure, like she is very aware of shauna watching her and shauna's attention being on her. she does this AGAIN when she's desperate for shauna's love/attention/affection in doomcoming when she walks away with travis (to FUCK HIM IN SHAUNA'S BED)

the compliments scene? so fucking flirty, so fucking gay, so clear that this is their usual dynamic. like the level of baby dyke flirty love in the i dunno...you haven't said anything nice about me yet and all the little smiles and the ritual of it the you're my best friend as a stand in for i love you like we really don't get a ton of them precrash but the pilot establishes SO MUCH of their relationship prior to all the trauma so beautifully ughhh

jackie wanting to be dropped off first GOD THIS SCENE, it is so often taken as her being selfish for selfishness sake (or out of fear of her parents) but she also does NOT want to be left alone in the car with jeff!! we saw her discomfort with being sexual with him right away in the pilot, it was immediately established, he ignored every sign that she did NOT want him to be touching her. i don't know about you but this was a dance i did allll the time at that age!! the plotting to not be alone with the boyfriend!!

also her performative happiness with jeff EVAPORATES, like that is for public straightness perception, she does the minimum saying bye to that man and then she hugs shauna like its her goddamn job

jackie taylor queen of gay-zing tbh

y'know when your parents are terrifying but your girl got really anxious last time you flew somewhere so you steal your insane mother's valium for her??

but that's not enough so you have to GIVE HER THE HEART NECKLACE THAT YOU WEAR EVERY DAY AND SAY THERE NOTHING CAN TOUCH YOU NOW (because you have my heart, you have my love, jackie taylor ALSO queen of discomfort with saying i love you verbatim but saying it in a million other ways, this is a thought for another day but!! a heart!! that she wears!! next to her heart!! for the girl who has her heart!!)

of course she's also got to watch shauna put it on (gay-zingly) and did i need to include 10 screenshots of this moment to make my point?? MAYBE NOT but YOU'RE WELCOME cause LOOK AT THEM!!

more to come eventually <3 <3 this one was largely fun sweet precious honestly compared to the last and the ones to come, so yeah i really went wild with the photos <3 <3

[magical-girl-coral]

I did the mistake of entering a blog that unironically reblogs confessional discourse posts and read a lot of stupid takes so here's me debunking them, I guess:

Why didn't the Bad Kids reach out to the Rat Grinders? - They did. Multiple times. The Rat Grinders were mean to them back so the Bad Kids dropped that plan. Ivy was racist about Mazey to hurt Fabian's feelings. Adaine called Oisin cool in one episode and then saw him murder Buddy the next. Fig and Kristen tried to recruit Mary Ann several times and she didn't give a fuck. Ruben fully tried to antagonize Fig when he first saw her because he could. They don't owe them to stick to people who were sucky to them.

From a mechanical standpoint, Brennan did this so they players won't waste time on them and move on to solve the mystery. From a story perspective, it was because the Rat Grinders refused to be saved. They were too brainwashed by rage and they refused to let it go. Even in the last fucking battle Fig tried to reach out as Wanda Childa and Ruben almost killed her with a ninth level spell. I'd say they were pretty fucking patient if you ask me.

The Bad Kids were too mean to the Rat Grinders in the final battle! - No, they were not. Oisin taunted Adaine about her greatest fears before trying to murder the entire student body. Ivy was racist in her last moments and called Mazey "objectively ugly." Ruben was an asshole to everyone he meets. Kipperlilly tried to get them all expelled since episode three. The Rat Grinders sucked as people when they were villains and the Bad Kids had every right to lose their shit.

Fig was too cruel to Ruben. Getting into his dreams was insane - One, Ruben was a villain NPC that won't stop threatening her party. She entered his dreams after he tried getting them kicked out of school by offering them drugs. Pete entered Kingston's dream palace after he threatened to take Pete if he gets out of line again. When PCs get threatened, they act out. Secondly, this is how the team finds out about devil's honey, one of the more important discoveries they've had yet. Her entering his dreams worked.

Thirdly, shatter star Ruben was a creep that dated his fans (an extremely uneven power dynamic) and then made songs out of being toxic in those relationships. Sandra Lynn, Fig's mother, had her life ruined by a man that tricked her into a toxic relationship with an uneven power dynamic. Insane that no one made this connection yet.

How could the Bad Kids kill them when they were forced into being Shatter Starred? - This one pisses me off the most because of how much this is based on hindsight. The Bad Kids didn't know the Rat Grinders were forced into the ritual. They canonically knew few things:

The Rat Grinders joined a rage ritual after their sophomore year spring break adventure

They almost definitely killed their cleric Lucy Frostblade

They famously hated the Bad Kids since forever.

They never went on real adventures and instead grind rats for their first year and then were power leveled by two teachers

Not once was it hinted none of them wanted to commit to the ritual. It was a popular fan theory but that's it. The only one who evidently didn't was Lucy and Yolanda and they found their bodies in the forest with runes written on their bones so they couldn't be brought back.

Isn't it weird how the Bad Kids did a 180 and asked the Rat Grinders to be brought back once the battle was done? - No. They only found out at the very last minute that the only one who did the ritual willingly was Kipperlilly after she died and her lack of a scar was revealed. This was at at the very end of the season finale. Of course the Bad Kids felt bad after they put 2 and 2 together and asked them to be brought back, they were the same way about Ragh and Awelyn when they found out more about their backstories.

It's so shitty of Brennan to not delve into any of the Rat Grinders' backstories - We still don't know if Jawbone is Tracker's biological uncle or not. We don't know if Sandra Lynn's family supported her after the scandal or not. We don't know the name of Ragh's father or any of the mothers' maiden names. A lot of NPCs in Fantasy High have a shit of information missing because only the plot relevant stuff comes up. Some NPCs are more relevant than others, that's just how it is.

I remember when people used to make forums to theorize about a character's past. We made OCs and new cities out of fun when the creators didn't. Where's the fucking joy, man? Where is the fucking whimsy?

I bid you all adieu with this:

Get in the fucking transcripts, for the love of god.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Made it to chapter 16 today which means Feyre and I have both had our first impressions of Rhysand's Inner Circle and ohhhhhhh boy

Its hard to pinpoint why exactly, but theres something so discomforting about watching them interact. I think the main thing is that for all their "casual-ness", theres still clearly a rigid hierarchy between them and they all seem to 'know their place' so to speak, its not at all like Lucien and Tamlin's relationship in the first book which genuinely felt like a friendship that was unburdened by their status or positions. Like, theres this one moment where Mor and Amren are like kinda bickering with each other i guess, and Feyre remarks that Mor is probably super powerful if she dares talk back against Amren (in an incredibly minor matter Im pretty sure but I already forgor ngl) and because this is the book where Feyre's perspective starts being Objectively Correct all the time, I guess that's true, I guess the only reason someone would dare voice their opinion on something to this friend group is if they were physically more powerful because otherwise you just level a fucking mountain during an argument

Anyway, Im gonna switch topics for a short moment but I promise this diversion is relavant to the point above. So, sometimes when I go into the anti-tags on here looking for criticisms or complaints of the books, I instead find anti-ship posts that are mainly just about trash-talking some ship, mostly ones relating to that whole Elucien/Elriel/Gwynriel shipwar, which I already have thoughts on but I'll save those for later. In any case, one day I stumbled upon this pretty long anti-elriel post about how the gifts Elain gives Azriel on winter solstice arent actually cute and it describes how she gave him like, herbs that help with headaches "because his friends are always giving him headaches" apparently. And then that post went on a whole rant about how insensitive that was of her and that she doesnt actually understand Azriel's dynamic with his close friends, but honestly, judging from this chapter Elain was absolutely spot on

And I usually wouldn't say this because yknow, its only one chapter and we're probably gonna get the nuances of their relationship later, but this is a book written by Sarah J Maas, her characters and their relationships are rarely particularly deep and, more importantly, her writing is incredibly unsubtle. If Azriel was in any way fond of his friends shenaningans I wouldve noticed it, because Feyre wouldve noticed it like 15 times during that whole dinner. But she didnt.

Its especially bad for Cassian and Azriel because it feels like Cassian thinks they have this great rapport but Azriel just genuinely kinda dislikes him. Not to mention that whole fucking mess with Azriel and Mor and Cassian and Mor having sex so she wouldnt get married off or whatever, good god how is every conversation between them not insanely awkward

Even beyond that, idk man, theyre all just so insufferable. I dont understand how Amren, ancient eldritch being trapped in a fae body that she is, can stand to be around them, I wouldve left them 5 centuries ago if I was her. I guess the explanation is that she finds the government position interesting but its like, youre SECOND to the most boring and annoying man on the planet only kinda ruling over a court that you dont even actually care about from everything Ive heard. Again, if I was in Amren's position I would not be hanging out in an APARTMENT in a boring ass city at the behest of a quartett of stupid bozos, I wouldve weaseled my way into being the personal advisor of Beron or some shit so I could watch the Vanserra Family Drama unfold live

There was one good thing about this discomforting dinner though, and that was how inexplicably gay Cassian was for Rhysand. He was really out there, looking at him with such love, calling him pretty twice in like two minutes being all "I knew I wanted a piece of him the moment I first saw him, the high lord's pretty son" like okay. I know what you are

[timelesslords]

fic writer twenty questions!!!

I got tagged by the beautiful lovely gorgeous @tapemonkey21 who has written some of my fav star wars fics to date and who got me on the cody/obi-wan/satine train without which my current wip would not exist <333

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

55!

2. What's your AO3 word count?

812,034 😵‍💫

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Rn only star wars with Ahsoka in it, but I've written for TLOU and PJO too!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Under Freezing Stars

have my back, yeah, every day

Violent Heart

invisible string

For Real This Time

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yesssss!!! I honestly love responding to comments just as much as reading them. I like chatting with people and hearing their thoughts and their theories and what they want to happen next!! I think it makes it more fun for everyone but especially for me hehe

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

and the waves come crashing down for sure. I'm really not an angsty ending kind of person except with that fic lol

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Roman Holiday has the cheesiest mushiest most ridiculous holiday fluff ending ever <3

8. Do you get hate on fics?

haha yea 😭 messed up some niche details in my star wars fic and got absolutely lambasted in the comments lmao i never wanted to post sw again 😭 but then i realized i just needed to find the gay people and it all worked out lol

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I would say I'm retired from smut writing lmao 😭 but idk maybe something will change. i am not typing out the gory details of everything ive written on here I have no desire to get cancelled again

10. Do you write cross overs? What's the craziest one you've written?

No but I do write AU fusions <3 my favorite stupid insane one was a James Potter/Lily Evans Batman universe fusion fic it lowkey ate but I had to hide it because I was embarrassed at the quality and the very just-took-sociology-101 level of social commentary 😭

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so???? back in the day maybe lol

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No but I have had a few podfics of my fics made and that is my absolute most favorite thing ever ever 🥹

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes with my wonderful beautiful brilliant best friend forever who shares half of my brain @captain-jackson

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

all-time...,, whew. rn it's definitely Codywan. Idk if I have an all-time transcendent one that I always come back to tbh. I'm really more into platonic relationship dynamics than ships tbh

15. What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever wilI?

God, I have one re-writing the Zygerria arc where Ahsoka sneaks onto the mission instead of being incorporated into it that i want to finish SO BAD. when the ties that bind is done I'm really going to hammer it out because I do love it but its kind of a monster.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm good with dialogue and characterization and, on occasion, plot twists.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I hate writing filler. I can't do it for the life of me, which means I also tend to have pretty poor pacing. im also bad at ending scenes which is why many times my chapters will end with my characters falling asleep 😭

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

jesus fucking christ it's so hard. doing it for Mando'a is hard and it's not even a real language. Usually I just go for the itallics but sometimes it's nice to have the immersion (which only works if you do it perfectly lol)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I did not stake out the username "timelesslords" back in 2013 for the answer to this question to NOT be Doctor Who

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

cheating and doing my fav from my three main fandoms:

Under Freezing Stars because it was the first long piece of fiction I ever finished, and without it I would not have made three of my best friends in the whole world so its very special and important to me

if you never bleed you're never gonna grow is one where I feel like I did something interesting and innovative with form and perspective and I'm really proud of it. I feel like a lot of times as a fic writer you can feel like what you're doing is repetitive and this one felt really unique to me!

The Ties That Bind is still a WIP but I honestly really love it and have been loving the process of writing it a lot. it's the first WIP I started posting without having at least 75% of the fic completed and it's been really interesting to see what a different process it is pre-writing vs writing as you go! Also, I love the plot contrivance that makes up the premise, I love working out all the little butterfly effects of that decision, I love making it gay and poly and I love writing a million different perspectives!!!

this was so super fun I miss doing tag games like this hehe :3 low pressure tags @bbyannabeth @lena-hills @bookishjules @captain-jackson & anyone else who wants to consider urself tagged by me :3

[worstghost]

No rush but I can wait see reader suffer from ghost teasing. I feel he type to literally walk to quietly and like say boo them and scream murder.

Or better training session this happen and reader holy shit your strong put me down you bully.

https://twitter.com/issamanga5/status/1589775707877801985?t=9BWyflaqwOySIFfVqpb_Pw&s=19

I have returned and I love ghost I love ghost I'm going insane rn. I went kinda crazy with this one and it's not really what the ask wanted but uhh yeah. I'm not gonna deny inspiration when it comes

You're new-to them at least, not new to this dynamic. Your entire career in the military has been spent around men. Men who avoid your gaze, men who pretend like you don't exist, or even worse, are obsessed with you. Men who follow you around and dote on you and act like you're made of glass. You've dealt with your fair share of big, intimidating men who pretend to be small, to be kind and like they're looking out for you.

Hell, even Soap shrinks down when he talks to you. Gets to your eye level as if it's not fucking insulting to be treated like that. You deserved to be here just as much as them, maybe even more so with how hard you've had to work.

That's why Ghost is such a breath of fresh air. He doesn't dote, he doesn't take it easy on you. He expects you to keep up with them, and you do.

It's created this awful need in you to please him, to prove to him that you are what he thinks you are. As much as you try to hide it, you search for his eyes, his approval, when you're training.

And he is always there, always watching you. He looks like an apex predator, head leaned back against the wall, arms crossed so that his biceps squeeze against the sleeves of his shirt. His face doesn't move ever, but his eyes look down through thick blonde lashes, following your every movement as you spar, as you stretch out after a particularly hard session with Soap.

Soap makes snide little comments, asking if he was too rough, if he pushed you too far. It's all in good fun but your blood absolutely boils. You bite your tongue and turn away, stretching your arms above your head and counting to ten, feeling the tension in your muscles release.

Soap finally fucks off, slapping Ghost on the shoulder as he leaves.

"Warmed her up for you, Lt."

Ghost exhales, barely noticeable. Irritated.

You're still on the mat, rolling your ankles and pretending like you're not really fucking sore. You can feel him watching and turn away, squatting down to stretch your hamstrings.

Silently, a shadow falls over you and you startle slightly. How is someone so big, so quiet.

"You could have done better." It's short and gruff, a fact.

You lean your head back, squinting up at him. God he's big. Sitting on the floor barely brings you to his knees.

"Just wanted it to be over I guess." You shrug it off and roll your neck side to side, wincing at the tightness in your shoulders.

His chest rises with a deep inhale, shadow growing as he moves even closer. "If he gets under your skin so much, why not show him?"

"I'm afraid I'd do permanent damage."

Ghost huffs out a laugh and your heart swells, your head cheers, 'You made him laugh, good job!'

It's so stupid, you're embarrassed at your own thoughts.

"Take it out on me then."

That stops your little self aware moment and your eyes jump to his. He's still standing over you, already watching your face, waiting for a falter in your expression.

"I can handle a lot more than him. Show me how mad he makes you." It's a challenge, a little teasing.

You swallow hard. You haven't had the chance to spar with Ghost yet. He's much too big, you know you wouldn't recover easily. And your little crush makes it impossible to be that close to him. But what were you going to do, say no? Worst case is he beats your ass and you can use the ensuing embarrassment to get over him.

You nod and stand up, shaking out the anxiety in your limbs.

"Just don't kill me please, I've still got a lot of life to live." You try to lighten the mood, taking your place at the other side of the mat.

He looks like he's thinking about it, the wrinkles around his eyes a little tighter. A smile maybe?

When you start, you circle with him, trying in vain to determine where he's going with his. With the mask you can't see anything and his eyes never move from yours, no intention of giving anything away. You decide that he won't make the first move, so you do, using your size difference to get under his arm and behind him. You've no doubt that he let you do that.

You exchange shoves, he let's you get in a few punches, but it's mostly a dance. He never makes the first move, he waits for you to come to him every time.

You're wearing yourself out now, and he's not showing an ounce of exhaustion. You're ready to give up, tired and even more frustrated than before you started.

One last fuck it move and you wrap yourself around his side, kicking his knee out from under him. He falls, and for a brief moment you're reveling in your success, but it's cut short when he snatches your arm as he goes, rolling on to his back and pulling you with him.

Ghost has you flat against him, back to his chest, one arm wrapped around your middle and the other threatening your throat.

There's no getting out of this is there?

You dig your fingers in to his forearm and feel him tighten, like a boa. Fuck. You inhale and frantically decide to at least try to struggle, pretend like you didn't give up 20 minutes ago.

You wriggle back and forth, kicking your legs, trying to loosen his grip even slightly. He's way too heavy for you to try to turn him over and his arm pushes your chin up even higher, you can feel his breath on your cheek through the mask, it's heavy and quick.

Is he really winded or is he simply pretending to help your ego.

Swallowing as best you can, you pause and lower your legs between his, feeling his heart pound against your back. Maybe now would be the time to tap out but it doesn't cross your mind. You're overwhelmed with the sensation of his arm squeezing your chest, right under the band of your sports bra, the way he slides the other across your throat until just his fingers touch you, hand covering your entire neck.

You're light-headed, your ears are only filled with the sound of two heartbeats, pounding together in a quick rhythm.

Fuck.

Ghosts knees frame your legs, trying so desperately not to fall completely against him, scared that if you do you'll feel something you're not supposed to. Something you really want to.

His arms relax abruptly and you suck in a breath you didn't know you were holding. He releases you, not subtle in the way his fingers run across your skin.

You roll away and gather yourself on your knees next to him, you're on fire, all you can think about is his hands, his breath, his arms squeezing you to him.

This didn't decompress you like he had wanted. It actually did the opposite. You're so worked up now, head swimming, you don't even stand when he does.

Ghost offers you a hand and you take it, hot and calloused. When he stands you up on shaky legs you stumble, just a little, and he catches you against his side.

"You'll continue to train with me for now. Go clean up. " His voice has something unrecognizable in it, a gruffness to his command.

You don't argue and let him go, making your way out and to the shower in your room.

[sharkjumpers]

youre insane for that. youre so crazy. a man says "i see you" to sam and he proceeds to speedrun the most complicated father-figure/mentor and apprentice dynamic because of it. That might KILL him.

Oh my God I've had to type this out three times. Ok. Take three. First of all Mav said "yeah and Matt only said it as a joke".

I was trying to say: yeah, it's driving me crazy thinking about everyone's general inability to go unseen around Cass because her first language is the body--her understanding of the world and those around her hinges upon looking directly *at* them. She looks at someone--complete strangers--in a uniquely (and scarily) intimate way that no one else around them can manage by virtue of not being raised the way she was raised. It's impossible to not be seen by her.

But it's much harder for her to be seen by other people. She's always on the outskirts. Cass is saddled with a very unique loneliness—a disabled one that further plays into the connection I think she and Sam could find within one another. She is alienated on so many levels; the root of her lonely existence ties back to being raised by David Cain (a white man) in a bunker, isolated and alienated from any community she may have had growing up, robbed of any verbal contact with others, any chance of a normal life, and just any generally relatable experience. The Lonely City defined it wonderfully:

As if that wasn’t bad enough, there was also the shame of having been on the streets at all, the worry that people would know he’d been a hustler, and judge him for it. He found himself plagued throughout his early twenties by an inability to speak, to acknowledge verbally what he’d been through, the experiences that he’d had. ‘There was no way I could relate them to anybody in a room full of people at any party anywhere,’ he told his friend Keith Davis in a taped conversation years later. ‘The sense of carrying experiences on my shoulder, where I could sit there and look at people and realize there was just no frame of reference that was similar to theirs.’ And again in Close to the Knives: ‘I could barely speak when in the company of other people. There was never a point in conversations at work, parties or gatherings when I could reveal what I’d seen.’

And from Batman: Ego...

Cass lost her chance for a normal life before she was even born. My point here is she is fundamentally lonely and that there is an uncrossable divide between her and society at large. She can't go to school. She can't really make friends who aren't people she already knows from work. She can't get back what was taken from her... so she also chooses to make do with it. She forces herself onto the outskirts.

And I've said this to Mav before, but I think this will always be one of the fundamentals of Batgirl for Cass to me: an inability to coexist with a normal life. There is no way to change the past (though she's constantly trying to make-up for killing one man as an eight year old girl), so Cass fully commits herself to the anonymity of Batgirl.

Okay. Do you like my essay? I'm finally getting back to our friend Sam.

... who, in Mav's words, is the guy who felt so invisible he said fuck you, I'm going to do it on purpose. Who, in my words, is fucking (rightfully) crazy about being seen. It's something he's been deprived of. Unlike Cass, Sam is in.

He's not, but he is. He's technically part of society. He functions within it, something Cass can never do. But he is constantly being overlooked. Outside of Chinatown, he rarely registers on anyone's radar. Blindspot. No one looks at him. He's a janitor. He's completely invisible. And then when he's at the Temple, he's still being deprived of his right to be an individual. His own mother knocks away the only visible part of him (his mask) when he reveals himself to her. ("I don't want to see you anymore either.") I think if Cass came across this guy, his body would be screaming "PLEASE LOOK AT ME". And she'd notice it screaming in the first place.

So essentially yeah you're right it might just kill him. They would make great friends. Some things happened to me in my formative years that I don't want to tell you about but some things happened to you too. Idk maybe Batgirl is the lesbian situationship Blindspot needs. Can you tell I am autistic also and like comic books a lot. Also Mav says their tattoo itches. Anyways this all boils down to "Look at me and I'll look at you" I think.

[rrat-king]

walk with me bird,,, thinking about kristen's lack of self preservation especially in sophmore year- she does crazy shit again and again and it is funny but like. when you actually look at it, its like this elaborate performance. so much going on in kristen's brain, losing her family, (we know she's clearly still thinking about it with the start of sy being her returning to her brothers) losing her religion and then recreating it and still feeling lost.

all her life being full and told that this is the thing- that will protect you as long as you are good so kristen is good and then realizes oh. i was meant for something terrible actually, my church who vowed to protect me is actually trying to make me a hellmouth. like oh. great well i dont feel safe in that anymore, im always arguing with my parents because even they are still polluted with their religion but she lets it go she tries to find something else. and then she ends fy with her new religion and immediately doesnt like it, over the summer it still doesnt click and she changes it again, she puts her faith or even lack of it at the forefront as she does these insane choices, like a leap of faith. like oh someone has got to save me if i do this- surely someone will. (also pushing my agenda of kristen's faith eventually forming into believing in her friends bc they are the ones who always save her not the gods even though i do love cass)

like ally talking about chaos not being cute anymore really makes me think of all this- because it's like kristen being like oh well if it goes wrong than at least it's some sort of relief from this pressure of being something and at least im not plagued with thinking about not being good enough for my own parents. like her being so not aggressive but trying to counter sandralynn too- like not wanting to view her as a parental figure but as a person. kristen like almost tries to parent her in a way which sounds weird but its very like she can't turn it off in her head because she's been raised with expectation so she does feel on the same level as adults when in reality she is not but kristen believes like oh i can solve this here maybe u shouldnt be doing this thing in her relationship. i think part of it is kristen not wanting to see a parent become better and then have to wonder why her's didn't. like was she not enough for them to want to me better. it's so complex i adore kristen's character and it kinda surprises me how often she becomes very 2d in the fandom but alas, many thoughts about her

i am absolutely walking with you. i love what your talking about with her dynamic with sandra lynn (which. i will always be crazy about her and sandra lynn they are just both so intersting in thier relationships) but yeah it makes a lot of sense that she doesn't know how to properly interact with her if you think about the amount of pressure she has been given to be a spiritual leader through church or if you hc her as a parentified older sister to her little brothers (which i do personally) so she's not thinking about her interaction with sandra lynn as like, a regular adult cuz she hasn't really had those interactions before, especially when it comes to an adult not trusting her.

and i think that's why she just feels so insane in sophmore year, jsut like, she's going from something super rigid to something where it feels like she can do anything and that's fucking scary. like she has a place to stay but she doesn't really have any parents to answer to, she has a god but she has so much doubt it doesn't feel reliable, all she really has as stability is her friends and her girlfriend, and i feel like she is just incredibly reckless cuz like, she's doing better but its almost like she has nothing to lose? but she does. and she did, and i think that was what beardsley was saying about the chaos not being cute anymore, like kristen was acting like she was invinvible at times and that not only got her hurt, but also those around her, and im excited to see how she grows from that.

[cryptiqish]

some quick thoughts on nerdy prudes must die

first off - this is 100% a return to form for starkid for me. tgwdlm was like. lighting in a bottle but i really, really am not a fan of black friday - so i dipped after that, and never really looked into nightmare time etc. as i'm not super into the hatchetfield eldritch lore stuff - honestly, i figured i was aging out of it. THAT SAID. holy shit. npmd is brilliant

every single goddamn song is a banger. every one. it's so rare for me to like everything at least to a little bit, but when i can interchange my entire top 5 you know it's brilliant. high school is killing me, nerdy prudes must die, dirty girl, hatchet town...all top tier starkid in general. up there w tgwdlm

angela giarratana and will branner steal this entire show. absolutely insane stuff from both of them. will in particular...oh man. it's his show and you just KNOW it

oh shit!!! oh fuck!!!! i didnt think thered be a skele'uhn here... im so fucking scared of skele'uhnz!!!

it's FUNNY

i <3 the weird anime nerd kid. rip king

jon's vocals and just. general range in this is amazing to see from tgwdlm

 i will say i wish this maintained the more straight slasher vibe of the first act all the way through but that’s just personal preference since i'm less into the overarching eldritch lore stuff as mentioned. with that in mind though, i didn't find the lords in black stuff as jarring as i thought i would (and the summoning's a banger) - so it works narratively. i think at the end of the day i prefer my standalone shows - not everything needs to be an extended universe - so i was pleasantly surprised at how relatively well this could function as its own thing.

following that - i think this is the closest starkid's gotten to like, off-broadway quality - with plot modifications i could 100% see it making the jump. the production quality - of both the musical itself and the proshot, is amazing - everything pops, it's incredibly polished and just looks brilliant (again, such a step up from BF.)

shoutout to the costume design in particular. top tier work again. ghost max looked crazy good.

for something that in actuality didn't get a lot of focus...can’t stop thinking about how the whole max jagerman grace chastity dynamic is like the absolute HARDEST thing to randomly come out of starkid. the implicit themes had absolutely no right to go that hard!!!! it’s a silly horror comedy!

devout repressed christian and a boy that thinks he’s god. and then she deals with the first sign of sexual attraction to him by killing him??

and then his ghost comes back for vengeance, viewing it as divine justice - and then she ends the musical enacting her own vengeful divine justice?? straight up with modified reprise of his song?? they’re one and the same?? the prayer motif???

“will you pray for me / when i’m gone / or is this the eternal dark without a dawn” and “who will pray for you / when your body’s gone” is like the rawest motif of all time and it’s in the same musical that has an ten minute long barbecue joke sequence unrelated to the plot

nothing sexier than the motif of killing god and god killing you, in general. i do think i loved this one because it played with a lot of my fave tropes and themes of horror - high school slasher, archetypes, coming back wrong, religion, all that

"the big game" kept cracking me up it's so dumb and yet

anyway this whole thing just felt like we've unlocked...i dunno, a new level of starkid?? i was blown away and i'm sure for those more invested in hatchetfield beyond tgwdlm it hit even more, but it's left me so excited to see what's next from them for the first time in years.

[chronically-ghosted]

✨ happy new year! ✨

it's not yet 2024 where i am but it is where my love @ravensmadreads is, so happy new year already enjoying january 1st!

i usually overthink around my birthday as i march towards death but you lovely people have really made me think about 2023 as it comes to a close. i feel weird talking about myself (unless im drunk and we haven't started drinking yet so hold onto your butts for that possibility), so i'm just going to say this:

You all changed my life.

there, that's it. if you read this and you think it doesn't mean you, yes it does. not a day goes by where this place, this community does not bring me joy and warmth. i hope you get that job you wanted, or you get that fur baby adoption you've been hoping for, or you get accepted to that school you wanted to, or you graduate with all the honors, or you create the thing you've always wanted to, or you get the baby you've been hoping for, or the person who makes you heart flip says i love you. i'm nervous about next year because it truly feels like a year where anything can happen 🤍

now to the fandom stuff:

i've never done a fic rec list because inevitably, i'm a fucking moron and i leave someone out. i know it hurts when i'm left out of a fic rec list so i never want to do that to anyone here. what follows is a list of fics that spoke specifically to me. the old saying goes is that you don't write fanfic for yourself, you write it for the five freaks on discord that can't write coherent sentences after you publish -- and it's true. fanfic isn't about numbers -- i would much rather write for my five freaks on my discord (where my work has deep, emotional impact for them) than try to write for a large crowd that i will never ever manage to please all at once.

my wish for you in 2024 you all find your freaks. and i hope i'm one of them.

side note: there are a couple fics not on the list because i wanted to highlight fics that i didn't see much on other end of the year rec lists. but @iamskyereads 's Compulsion should be read in graduate programs and @whatsnewalycat already knows i'm going to name my first born child after her for her Psychomanteum. yall rock my goddamn world.

so without further adieu . . . these are the fics i read this year that tickled me pink.

God is a Woman by @wheresarizona the way arizona writes max is entirely unique. i love her descriptions of how cold he is and how he doesn't breathe. i read this and had to rethink everything i ever wrote for max

the impaler by @kiwisbell the dracula x johnathan x mina vibes in this are spectacular. this is a pairing i never thought i'd see much less enjoy so thoroughly. why is older tim being seduced by a younger max so hot??

night one by @haylzcyon this is one of the first fics i read by hayley and she pretty much set the standard for all marcus pike fics moving forward. his endless patience, his flirty attitude, how he see things the reader won't admit, and then the sleeping bag -- god i'd read a thousand more fics about this dymanic

blood & tinsel by @morallyinept so if i tried to list all of my favorite jett fics, we'd be here all night. but this one stands out to me because it's so well built. the description of the vampire "trance" or "glamor" or "compulsion" without using any of those words is INCREDIBLE. plus max is face-meltingly hot in this.

the world turned on its side by @idolatrybarbie this was a surprise that came outta nowhere, but it hit me like a fucking train. bea weaves a story that sticks with you and creates a frankie that makes my entire soul sing.

heat by @wordywarriorwrites okay, listen. the beauty of fanfic is that you can have insane, animalistic smut AND literary level writing. this fic is both. i have yet to come across another frankie abo fic that makes the dynamic more than a reason for the blorbos to fuck like animals. it's so well done, there's so much love here.

in fiction @sin-djarin yall know dieter is my boy so i am VERY particular about how he is written in fic. everyone's interpretation is valid, but for dieter fics to resonate with me, there has to be this special blend of humor, kindness, dorkiness, and a sexiness you didn't expect. this fic is all of that and more.

reminiscence by @projectionistwrites this was one of the first joel fics i read and there's something about it that just . . . feels right, feels natural to Joel. there's a raw honesty to both joel and the reader that just sunk into my chest. the back and forth over the drink, the SMUT, everything is just this beautiful snapshot of two lonely people in the apocalypse.

oct' 19 x ghosts by @trulybetty another author that if i tried to choose a favorite, i simply couldn't. betty created a lovely, lovely world with this one (and the rest of the prompts for this one and her december prompts). i love fics that add a new layer to dieter and this one opened him up in a way that made him glow!

renegade by @eupheme my personal favorite brand of joel is one that comes alive between reader's thighs. more boulder than human until you bring something to the surface. and this totally captures that. im a sucker for a good qz fuck-that-verges-on-love and i adore everything about it.

Dominica by @ohforficsake if you ever need proof that notes do not reflect the quality of a fic, look no further. the language, the mastery of tension, and beauty of these descriptions are one two punches that knock me on the ass. genuinely one of my favorite frankie fics of all time.

wanna bet? by @write-and-buried i debated putting this or her celestial navigation fic on this list, but this one just tickles me. i love it when authors throw in a confident, sex-obsessed dieter now and again and this makes me howl. and the DEBAUCHERY of the statue oh my god!

give it to me @sp00kymulderr okay now to be fair, this review is entirely biased. i genuinely love gideon and all that they bring to this fandom. plus, they let me scream about dieter and then sends me dieter pictures that make me scream even louder. this fic is SO important to me. dieter here is everything i need and want: hesitant, anxious, but so madly in love. if i could wake up in one single fic every day, it'd be this one.

stepwise by @the-scandalorian i joined this fandom through din and this has been, and always will be, one of my top favorites. the evolution of din from being touch averse to LUSTING after it, it kills me. it's a oneshot but so much is accomplished in such a short time. the writing here is simply superb.

salvatore by @devilmademewriteit i came for the premise, stayed for the smut, and continued for the banter. i go back to this one all the time for inspiration with my own writing and then i get sucked in and read the whole thing through -- twice. javi drives me absolutely wild in this.

a whole new can of worms by @hier--soir i accidentally read this out of order initially, but this was just reason for me to reread it from start to finish. fwb!joel can be really hit or miss for me, and primarily because this fic sets the standard. this feels like a real joel, a joel that has lost and found loved ones all through out his life and now in jackson, he can finally relearn what it means to be a lover. so good, so fun with the banter -- and the friggin' greenhouse scene -- woof!

telltale heart @astroboots i am a SUCKER for 'frankie fixes his life' fics and this is one of the best. there are consequences for his choices in colombia, one that almost has him lose his family, and the woman he loves. this a real, genuine struggle for two people to overcome a seemingly impossible challenge in their marriage. you know the phrase, love conquers all? yeah this is that fic.

brand you in the way it counts by @charnelhouse charnel was one of the first authors i read for the pedroverse -- and i mean i READ her. i read every single one of her fics at least twice and this one always sends me over the edge. it's such an inspiration to my own writing and i keep going back to her whole body of work to be reminded i can always improve my own writing

west by @radiowallet when people want to know why fanfic matters, i want to show them this fic. it is achingly beautiful and written with a loving and gentle hand. joel is a messy, broken man but still capable, still good, still wanting to find love in this and i adore everything about this. Oneshots can be more devastating than multichapters because they end and this is one of them that drags me back to it constantly.

And to that weird little dude out of Chile who has no idea how much light he brings to the world…

Much love, Taylor 🤍

[senespera-ffxiv]

also this is the only time I'm gonna post twice in a row but I finished up my thoughts about dawntrail in my media list so I'm posting them here completely unedited

//spoilers for like all of dawntrail

a more detailed rating is that this is like a 4.7/5. It’s a solid story, if a bit boring and cliche for some of the first half. I do enjoy how clear-cut the story is in terms of thematic content, though, and how through and through it is an exploration of differing cultures and the ways in which you can understand them

The second half was also an interesting continuation of said exploration as it gives you a culture that is in direct opposition to you with ways that are so alien, and yet continues to ask that you understand them while also criticizing the more inhumane effects of those cultural practices

making it about me again but it’s basically just my stance about criticizing China. A lot of the criticism becomes extremely sinophobic because it simply rejects the culture without first trying to understand it. It’s a bit easier for me since I’m deeply steeped in said culture, but I do think it’s possible for someone who isn’t Chinese to criticize China in a non-sinophobic way

Idk just a lot of the way Wuk Lamat and the others handled their reactions to Alexandria felt like a good way to do that to me

Like it’s nowhere close to being as insanely character-driven as shadowbringers and endwalker, nor is it as interestingly politically technical as heavensward, stormblood, and certain parts of endwalker, but it’s still definitely Good. Just not as good in comparison to the rest (and even then I’d rank it above Stormblood lmao I didn’t have any moments where I was actively annoyed at the characters for losing brain cells and shit jksdlfhskldjf)

My ranking for the expacs would be something like this

Shadowbringers > Endwalker > Heavensward ≥ Dawntrail > Stormblood > ARR

Gameplay-wise, though, oh my God this Fucks. This Fucks So Hard. Way better than Endwalker.

I imagine this is kind of what it felt like to play this game back in Stormblood and early Shadowbringers where things were much more complex and messy on the player side, except this time the complex and messy stuff has bled into the normal content boss design and I am enjoying it so goddamn much

(disclaimer: I started playing at the very tail end of shadowbringers so while I still remember some shit like old monk back when it had positionals on all of its buttons, I am mostly A Young'un. I did not have to experience the dreaded TP management, nor have I gone through all the stages of grief with Summoner getting reworked every fucking expansion lmao)

Part of the reason why I love doing EX trials is because at that difficulty level they aren’t afraid to do some just batshit things that would cause you to lose it in normal content

and now it’s bled into normal content hell yes

For reference my two favorite EX mechanics so far are the Biting Halberd combo from Zurvan EX (death puddle under boss → giant cone → baited aoes → tank cleave) and the add phase from Hydaelyn EX (both tanks get an add and have to pull them away from the glowing crystals while party dps’s them, rotate once the glowing crystals are dead)

Like obviously I’m biased cuz I’m a tank and those are largely tank mechanics (cuz yes if you forget to move properly in the Zurvan one as MT you just kill your entire party so I kinda count that as a tank mechanic) but more importantly I like them because of how dynamic the movement is.

And they’re dynamic in different ways, like Zurvan’s is extremely rigid. You will dance in this specific manner (back → tank right, everyone else left) or else you die. Hydaelyn on the other hand can be a bit looser and you have at least a bit of room to do different strategies (ideally it’s a “everyone focus down one crystal at a time” situation but the like three-five times I’ve done the fight the positioning has always been very loose as long as none of the glowing crystals are getting tethered).

And a bunch of fights in Dawntrail are doing stuff like this that feels like a dance

Like the first example I can think of is Ar1/R1/whatever we’re calling it when the boss flings out a sequence of like 8 aoes across tiles before hitting you with an uppercut that sends you flying into the air and in order to not die from said uppercut you need to position yourself so that you land on an uncracked tile

The second iteration of this where it’s the clone that does the uppercut and the main boss is hitting you with line stacks is my favorite because that’s where the amount of stuff you do starts to offset how slow the actual mechanic is to make it feel like you’re in a time-sensitive dance and if you step wrong you’ll fuck things up

Another good example is the final boss The Queen Eternal which just. aughhhh I love that boss. There’s so many fun ideas being thrown around in there lol. You can really tell that Zeromus from the Endwalker patches was intended to be a test run for some of the mechanics in this fight because both occasionally devolve into randomized Chaos as you try your best to just Not Get Hit by aoes can you tell I loved the mechanic when she deploys her drones lmao

LIke okay last thing to yell about but Absolute Authority is literally just a mini Relativity mechanic from E12S/Big Bang from Zeromus but more chaotic and I absolutely loved it

Plus the more chaotic nature of the mechanics in this fight serve a bit of a narrative purpose, especially when you consider how desperate Sphene is at this point in time

Like she doesn’t give a shit about keeping up appearances she will kill you as best as she can, “random bullshit go” included

And both of those mechanics also force you to do more dynamic movement, only now it's typically erratic and panicked compared to the more methodical and freeform dances of Zurvan and Hydaelyn EX respectively

We need more insane shit in the gameplay of the normal mode stuff keep doing it Yoshi-P

[prodigal-explorer]

so as someone who is only on chapter one of omori and is obsessed with it here are my thoughts as a new member of the fandom

bear in mind that i haven’t finished the game. i only just got to that one creepy forest place? like the one after the spiders? please don’t spoil!!

but spoilers for everything before that below

1) I HATE BASIL. he’s such a stupid little punk. “uwu im so smol and helpless and i always get bullied and i’m so sweet and innocent” I JUST KNOW THAT FUCKER IS HIDING SOMETHING. everytime i end back in that stupid white room it’s because HES DOING SOME SUSSY SHIT. i also just hate him and everything about him and i know for a damn fact that he’s hiding something horrible behind that sweet little smile and he thinks he’s tricking me but he’s NOT I KNOW HIS GAME.

anyway.

2) i literally cannot decide on a favorite character. i have a least favorite, that’s pretty obvious, but when it comes to a favorite im torn. i LOVE omori, aubrey, kel, and hero all the same! i love mari too but i’m a little salty against her because all her hints for the quests are severely unhelpful 😭 but i still love her tho. i just love the main four so so much and i physically cant choose who i like better. poor little aubrey seems so scared and alone when she has the pink hair and she’s so kind in the little space world thing. hero is a sweetheart and i can’t wait to meet him in the colorful world where i’m moving or whatever. and kel is literally so me 😂 it’s not even funny he just does whatever the fuck he wants and that deserves some respect on his name. and omori is a kickass main character who has a cool thing going for him. but these four characters are sooo well crafted and i love how they work together! it’s a great dynamic balance!

3) i’m either a really bad gamer or the game is super long. i finished the prologue in like seven hours. it took SO LONG. i’m not used to indie games taking that long to play considering that i got through all of undertale in like 10-12 hours my first time. it’s awesome! i love finding all the secrets and talking to all the npcs but DAMNNN.

4) this game has so. much. detail. it’s insane. like the sheer amount of mini games and tiny pockets of lore. it’s like higher than undertale level and i don’t mean to keep going back to undertale but i see a lot of similarities in the game style. i also totally got sucked into playing like 30 rounds of blackjack on omoris computer. it was cool af.

5) the fighting mechanics are super hard. maybe i just suck at strategy but i am so bad at the fights that i just run away whenever i have the opportunity 😭 it’s a problem. i also have no clue how the happy sad angry shit works, i just make omori sad so stab has an attack boost and make aubrey angry so headbutt has an attack boost but other than that i don’t really use it at all and i don’t understand it. maybe that’s why it took me literally 10 tries to get past space ex boyfriend? it’s really fun i just think it’s supposed to be easier than it is and i just missed a memo on strategy.

6) i really love the message so far. the way that mental health is portrayed as something that’s a never ending journey. omori doesn’t just breathe and then everything’s okay, the game highlights realistic coping strategies and makes things like depression, anxiety, and phobias to understandable for any audience through a very creative medium: an indie video game. it’s genius. and i just love how it’s been approached so far, it’s very inspiring!

7) i’m terrified that this fandom is gonna make me mad, i swear to god if i just walk in and see a bunch of basil stan’s i’m turning and walking back out 💀 i mean okay maybe i’ll like basil better later but chances for that seem very low right now. my sister told me that apparently he went through some trauma thing? womp womp don’t care he’s an annoying mf who keeps taking me back to that boring white room where i stab myself, he’s a party pooper and i want a tornado to blow his dumb little flower house down.

[littencloud9]

Hello again....Do you mind if I ask your top 5 (or top 10) favorite moments from any media that you love (books, anime/manga, tv series, movies, games, etc)? Thanks if you want to answer. Sorry if I ask too much....

hihi!! oooh i'll see if i can narrow it down skdjfjhj. this isn't in any particular order i adore them all <3

moriarty the patriot - this scene i can't even begin to explain it. it was so well written and emotional. i think it captured the message of yuumori incredibly well. you did bad, you were wrong, now work to be better. a brand new start. you don't have to forgive yourself, you just have to to move on, and i'll do it with you. absolutely lovely scene :( <3

bungou stray dogs - ranpo's invitation to yosano fucking CINEMATIC okay. i cried. the way it was set up, with ranpo kneeling to yosano's level and promising her a place to stay. the lighting of this scene giving it such a hopeful look. the emotional impact. they are my favourite duo in bsd and their dynamic is sooo precious to me and i just. one of my fav scenes in bsd EVER!!!

haikyuu - tsukishima's block THIS WAS JUST PHENOMANAL KSFHJ. the POWER. the SCREAM. the perfect moment for his character arc, the 'it' moment. oh my god. i only very recently got into haikyuu and this scene lives in my head rent free

vanitas no carte - s2 finale fight THEY WERE INSANE FOR THIS. this entire fight had me on the edge of my seat. if it's one thing vnc is an expert in it's setting a scene. the rain the lighting the FEAR through the screen. this shit was RAW. when vanoé got into the 'ill kill you thatll shut you up' position i literally screamed. vanitas' turmoil vs noé's devastation oh my godddd. domi unlocking her powers. jeanne's entire role. there was so much happening and GOD it was amazing i loved it

jujutsu kaisen - so start by saving me sigh. LIFE GETS BETTER DONT GET INTO JUJUTSU KAISEN. this panel lives in my head rent free and i think if i ever see it animated i'd burst into tears. megumi saying this to yuuji means so much to their characters okayyy two people who have always been saving each other, megumi who watched yuuji die in front of him, IT MEANS SO MUCH. i would ramble more but alas i dont wanna turn this into an essay

link click - cheng xiaoshi and qiao ling vs xiao ma BANGERRRR SCENE they mean the absolute world to me and i love that they were clearly protecting each other throughout the whole fight. i love the insane team up. qiao ling grabbing xiao ma's leg so cxs could punch him. this damn stand thing she used. the fluidity of the scene etc etc. just an amazing fight sequence overall i feel

moriarty the patriot - james bonde's reveal INSANE PLOT TWIST. bonde is my favourite yuumori character and i just. this was so funny. fym he chose bonde because of the bonds he made with the lord of crime gang IT'S SO CUTE 😭 i have nothing to say i just adore bonde and this is thus one of my fav scenes ever

moriarty the patriot - the moriarty brothers reunite CRIED FR. i just. the EMOTIONS. the way they did everything for each other and had to separate for three years and how both albert and louis thought william was dead and how none of them really ever forgave themselves but they forgive each other, so thats all that matters, isn't it? and how soothing this hug was, like finally finding your home again, and how THEY ARE FAMILY ough im so ill. i adore this moment

bungou stray dogs - you are but a child this scene hurt me then healed me. i actually cried so hard. their dynamic is so important to meee and they're both learning to care and love for the first time and they found comfort in each other and ranpo is just a CHILD and fukuzawa helps him see that it's okay and and. sniffles. bring them back asagiri this is a threat

vanitas no carte - i've decided to stay by your side, vanitas this is just because i'm in love with noé and i think vanitas realised things about himself here too/j. but on a serious note i think this was one of the greatest turning points in their relationship. i like the vibe of them on the tower and the sun rise coming up when they swear to stay together. cinematic asf

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol 19

Hi friends!

Thanks for being patient with me -- I had one hell of a day yesterday and didn't get the Digest out when I usually do. It's short this week: only 10 fics (still not bad, considering, lmao). I read a 40 chapter fic this week that was about 400k words (rec'd below) and I was hooked (am hooked, I have like 5 chapters left). Apologies to all my moots whose fics I have ignored in favor of having my face buried in AO3 for a week, I'm catching up now!

As always you can find the Spreadsheet here and all of my previous fic recs here. Tag me in your fics if you want to be included in a future Digest :)

Recs below the Pedro in a v nice suit:

you can't trust anyone these days - a Joel/Tess one shot by @walkintotheriveranddisappear

TW Noncon - read the warnings - I really thought this was such an interesting take on Raider!Joel. I don't usually see Tess there with him and I also liked the power dynamics/trust thing going on. The plot twist? That was everything!

All over you - a Javi G drabble by @theywhowriteandknowthings

This is super fucking hot ah!! I love needy men who can't wait to get their hands on you. You're at a fancy party with Javi G and you look so hot he has to drag you into a closet. So good

Take My Hand - a Pero Tovar one shot by @pedrito-friskito

Okay so the prompt ended up being Pero Tovar, “is this real? are…are you real?” for fluff and “take off your clothes before I rip them off your body” for smut. And it's perfect. It's got this touch of angst, but it's so fluffy and sweet and then the smut is so hot. I am in love

John Wayne - a Joel one shot by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin

SOOOO fuckin sweet, man. Like it's heartbreaking obvi. You show up in Jackson and Maria is all "this is my husband Tommy" and you're like that's the brother of the love of my life (pre-outbreak). And I won't spoil what happens but I love it so fucking much

Cherub - a Joel series by @cherubispunk

TW Dubcon - read the warnings - Mean old trailer park drug dealer Joel? The mouth on that man... Yeah this is filthy in the best way.

Stay - a Javi P one shot by @millerscoffee

Motherfuckin daddy kink with Javi P???? Hell yes. Yes on every level. This is so fucking hot ugh. The mouth on that man is criminal.

Religious Corruption - a Dave York two shot by @absurdthirst

Just reading the fuckin warnings/content summary on this fic got me screaming. Reader is an innocent virgin beginning her freshman year at a very religious school and she gets a crush on her professor, Dave York. This is not your average loss of innocence fic, not your average Dave York fic, not your average professor fic.... This is unlike pretty much anything else I've ever read and I loved it. It's sweeter than you might expect, but it's got penty of angst and the smut is insane.

I Will Always Find You a Din series by @lahooozaherr

Bodyguard!Din is one of my favorite things ever, seriously. I have only read the first chapter of this, but I'm so excited to read more. The way the whole first part of this fic is a flashback and you know eventually you get kidnapped???? It gives you this feeling of doom the whole time you're reading lmao (good thing, I promise) but like... our Mandalorian is gonna save us, yeah?

Be-All and Endor - a Din series by @djarins-cyare

Listen... this is the most well researched Din fic I have ever read. The amount of thought that went into this fic is insane. The linguistics are fascinating -- I think she absolutely nails the voice of everyone in this fic, especially Din. The knowledge of Mando'a and Ewokese on display here is incredible and if you ever wanted to hear Din Djarin growl strings of (actually coherent) Mando'a (with thorough translations) right into your ear... This fic is for you. The characterization and the way that every single decision made by Reader and Din make sense and build to such a gorgeous character arc? UGH. And while you have to wait... a long time... for smut -- it is so worth it. GODS this fic is gorgeous. I love it so fuckin much. (This is the one I was talking about in the intro)

Breaking in the new house - a Din one shot by @beskarandblasters

AHHHH this is so fucking hot. It's literally husband (so helmetless)!Din fucking you on like every surface of your house on Nevarro. There is not a refractory period in sight in this fic and I love it with all my heart. He is so hot, I want to die. <3

--------------- my fics --------------

I finally made a masterlist for A Ghost of You and updated all the headers which I'm very excited about. I also added a new fic to that series called Faulty System. The series is a mostly angsty, sometimes smutty Dieter Bravo x f!reader fic.

---------- Oldies but Goodies ----------

Here's some fics from before I did the digest or made commentary!

Jack Daniels x tattoo parlour AU - a Jack one shot by @fuckyeahdindjarin

Early Morning Moments - a Dieter one shot by Jazzelsaur on AO3

Over and Done With - a Javi P one shot @loquaciousferret

Every fic by @frannyzooey (I have too many of her fics on my spreadsheet to rec separately lmao)

In an Instant - a Joel one shot by @mishasminion360

A fool for you - a Joel one shot by @supernaturalgirl20

It would be - a Din Series by @fuckyeahdindjarin

------------------------------------

Happy Reading!

[asteria7fics]

I’m feeling uncharacteristically sentimental right now, so I’m gonna capitalize on it and make my personal RANT girl appreciation post! (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)

As I’m sure many of you have seen, I’ve found myself with the incredible fortune of befriending three of the coolest girlies that allow me to be utterly INSANE in chat. They are THE hype masters, and honestly I don’t think I would have even considered posting RSB had they not all boosted my confidence with their encouragement.

If you’re somehow unaware of my wonderful RANT Park girlies, then let me introduce you while I muse about how talented and wonderful they all are!!!

@1moreoffkeyanthem

Riley, the first letter and for me, the person that started it all. I don’t think I would have ever met the other girls had she not been so lovely in the comments of TSOB in its earliest chapters. Just knowing that someone out there was finding something to enjoy in my silly, self-indulgent fic really kept me going, both with continuing to post TSOB and during the drafting process of EWILY.

There’s a reason I’m constantly screaming at you guys to read Riley’s work. Every fic hits. Every. Single. One, and the queen has MANY to choose from. I have yet to find a PCE fic that I didn’t thoroughly enjoy. Between the beautiful prose, the perfect character dynamics and the level of creativity required to not only create deeply engrossing AUs, but to make so many of them bite-sized and easily digestible. I frequently marvel at her ability to pull me into her worlds in just a few sentences, every single time.

Don’t even get me started on the quality of whump. I’m not even a whump girl, or at least I never thought I was but man, I really am not joking when I say I think I’ve been converted. Riley helped me see the light you guys, and she can help you see it, too.

I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it a million times more. IF YOU AREN’T READING PCE WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING???

And you can read Riley’s work right here!

@alwaysinstyle

Ana, the sickfic queen herself. Walking hand in hand through the hurt/comfort tag with Riley and absolutely carrying the fandom on their backs while they do it. The day Ana joined Tumblr was the day everything truly came together, and we literally would not shut up about missing her for the week that she was away from us!!!

Though I’ve only been able to scratch the surface of Ana’s writing, I am already consistently blown away by her works. She may very well be the smartest person I have ever met, and my god does she bring that incredible intelligence to everything she writes. Always the perfect word, always the most beautiful flow and poignant moments that have made me frequently and audibly gasp. I mean it when I say my greatest shame is that I hadn’t started reading her work sooner.

When I tell you guys that you need to bring tissues to the function when Ana is there, I MEAN IT!! Do not take this warning lightly!!! You WILL cry, and you’ll be better for it. The catharsis I feel after every chapter of Hourglass is simply unmatched.

Which you can read here, along with Ana’s other works, of which there are also a great many!

@boxwinebaddie

Nina, the baddest bitch on the block who has undoubtedly been subjected to the most insanity from me. I still laugh when I think about how wild it is that our first conversation was us bonding over fucking Saltburn, but I also fear it says a whole lot about why we get along so well. NASTY! GIRLS!!!

One does not simply read Nina’s work. Her works are an experience, the likes of which I don’t think this fandom has ever seen before, or may ever see again. I don’t believe anyone will ever be able to replicate the biting wit and emotionally devastating prose that she has given us, nor has any other fic made me cackle the way hers do. I’m serious you guys, she is HILARIOUS when she isn’t literally ripping my heart out with her dangerously powerful angst.

Despite being someone who loves the challenge of sticking as close to canon as possible, I am an absolute sucker for the ways that Nina pushes every single character in new and fascinating directions. Non-canon compliant done SO right, and I think that anyone that’s feeling worn down by derivative angst in the fandom needs to give her fics a shot.

I will die on Ravesey hill, and if you’d like to join me you can read Nina’s works here!

It sounds silly to say as someone who writes as a hobby, but I really don’t think I have the words to express my gratitude for these women. Their creativity, humor and unending resilience inspires me every fucking day, and I really don’t know how I managed to get THIS lucky.

Ladies, I love you endlessly. Thank you for accepting me as your Cartman-coded friend, for being my biggest cheerleaders, and for creating such incredible works for everyone to enjoy. This fandom, and my time within it, has been greatly improved by every single one of you ♡