#god my cup runneth over with ideas

[desultory-novice]

Meta Knight would be a hard knocks mentor, wouldn't he? Especially when Noir is someone a lot more sharp and aware than Kirby, who he already trains by sending waves of hostile knights at betweenchonor duels. He also has that darkness and pain in him that I sense Meta Knight knows all too well. Well enough that he sure doesn't get the (relative) kid gloves Kirby gets.

Oh god, yes! If that's how Meta Knight trains Kirby - and this is mostly to keep Kirby ready in case of disaster and prepare them for their destiny (we assume...?) - then training Noir, an angst-ridden, self-destructive teen who is about five seconds from throwing himself off the nearest bridge on a good day, is definitely going to have Meta Knight use the "break you down and rebuild you from scratch" style of teaching. Which, frankly, Noir could probably use.

[Cont'd + Other Apologies Asks]

His life undeniably took a major turn for the worse after that fateful exhibition trip, but his cup runneth over with deeply suppressed stresses long before then. He's in desperate need of a mentor to help him escape his dangerous mental trappings of "...ensuring Adeleine's happiness and safety is all I have to live for."

It would not be fast. I'm pretty sure he's starting this new life out at negative levels of self-worth, and white-haired Noir still has unsettled issues in regards to Dark Matter, Adeleine's fate, and the New World project, but he's not a hopeless case either. The Rainbow Sword wouldn't have chosen him if he was.

...And for Meta Knight, who almost certainly has his own grimdark past, I can only imagine there's something very personal at stake for him to save this particular life: chosen by a magical sword during his darkest hour, everyone he loved and cared about dead, close associations with the powers of darkness and looks a little like a monster? Yeah, I'd say Meta Knight sees a bit of himself in Noir. And we know how hard Meta Knight is on himself...!

Yes, yes, yes! All this exactly!

Noir is incredibly awkward around her at first. Not trusting himself. Not ready to open up that wound. But Ribbon, like Adeleine, is a strong girl. She doesn't balk from Noir's stand-offishness.

The first time he cries in front of her (and he cries so much more easily now. He hates it. He'd never cried in front of Adeleine, no matter how hard things got...) it is unexpected. He checks their map and checklist, assuming aloud that Kirby drew it. 

When Kirby says it was actually Ribbon who drew it (1) and she giggles that she thinks drawing is fun, he breaks down so hard even Dedede puts down his meal to give him a soothing pat on the back.

...Once Noir slips down to a reachable height, because, of course, he still dwarfs the lot of them. Kirby is about the size of a throw pillow to him. But that probably makes him all the more huggable. Noir ought to learn to give Kirby more hugs.

-

(1) Thanks to Driftwood for the Ribbon's drawing idea

-

Oh, one thing worth mentioning while we're talking about white-haired Noir and friendships with the Dream Landers...

Unlike regular Noir/Dark Matter Swordsman, this Noir has a very strained and awkward relationship with Gooey. Noir has fear and trauma related to Dark Matter, and Gooey being a cutesy, innocent, happy Dark Matter that is still very clearly some kind of eldrirtch creature unsettles him for a variety of reasons.

He just can't bridge the gap between that and what happened to his sister. Sometimes it makes him wish...for something that didn't happen. Other times it makes him afraid for what could have been. He does his best to be kind but... it's hard for him.

Then I have done my job!!

I love Elfilin. Adore them! And I can admit that Fecto Elfilis has a very lovely design that makes one potentially want to sympathize with and humanize them and do cute things with them. But Fecto Elfilis also attempted to destroy TWO planets solely to kill Kirby. 

And Fecto Forgo is that same Elfilis only devoid of their mercy, their sympathy, their compassion, their joy.

It was humans who drove Forgo crazy, yes. But not every individual human participated in their torture. Yet Forgo has never once shied away from taking their wrath out on everyone they can get their hands on.

Forgo forced Leongar to put his tribe to work kidnapping creatures they could work to death in the labs. Forgo went on to shatter Leongar's soul to try and render him dead for good upon their loss.

Hyness told Zan to kill him if he ever went too far. Even Star Dream, being a computer, can be said to have sought the eradication of all life without malice! Forgo's situation is pitiable. Their actions, especially in the Apologies universe, are not.

(Nice use of green font, btw!)

---

Random aside:

It is only now, as I head into the end of the Shiver Star arc of the Apologies AU that I remember the classic 80s vampire movie The Lost Boys. And I suddenly realize that Noir's transformation is very old-school vampire-coded. (IE: back when becoming a vampire was treated as frightening and bad, not cool.)

:puts "Cry Little Sister" on loop:

[willowwind78]

1 Annabel- Chapter 12

˜ Chapter 12- 2 Samuel 12:1-4 - KJV ™

12 And the Lord sent Nathan unto David. And he came unto him, and said unto him,

There were two men in one city; the one rich, and the other poor.

2 The rich man had exceeding many flocks and herds:

3 But the poor man had nothing, save one little ewe lamb, which he had bought and nourished up:

and it grew up together with him, and with his children;

it did eat of his own meat, and drank of his own cup, and lay in his bosom, and was unto him as a daughter.

4 And there came a traveler unto the rich man, and he spared to take of his own flock

and of his own herd, to dress for the wayfaring man that was come unto him;

but took the poor man's lamb, and dressed it for the man that was come to him.

˜ ™

David watched through the branches of the trees as Annabel and Jason left the clearing. As close as he had come to her, he was just not certain. The girl hinted of the aroma his lost love yet through the stench of human he could not be certain. She had not turned yet.  Her companion however, he immediately recognized and had taken to the trees. He was not quite ready to face him. His presence strengthened David’s convictions that this was the woman he sought. Why would they protect her if it was not?

Christina and Jared had returned to him with invaluable information. The girl had been taken to the Sanctuary. Rumors were that an ancient priest had built a complex, hidden from the creatures of the underworld to train angels. This seemed a ludicrous idea, much to Marvel comic book-like for David’s taste, yet the idea had some merit. Perhaps one of the prophets of old had discovered a way to locate the angels before they turned and was collecting them. If this was the case, further investigation could prove dangerous, as powerful as he was; taking on an entire army of angels on holy ground was a bad idea.

David leaned his long lanky frame against the trunk of the tree and allowed himself to relax into his thoughts. Funny thing about prayer, it does wonders for solving life’s problems even when your God has forsaken you. Translating your concerns and worries into solid language helps to organize the chaos in your mind allowing for more coherent and productive thought patterns. All of the psalms he wrote are a clear demonstration of the effectiveness of prayer. They begin in turmoil, middle in remembrance of all the chaos you have already survived, and end in praise and adoration. He bowed his head.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside the still waters

3He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:

For thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:

Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. - Psalm 23

He believed in those words once upon a time, but now as he walked through the valley of the shadow of death, while he feared no evil, no rod nor staff would bring him comfort. His thoughts drifted back to the events following his indiscretion. He remembered how elated he felt when he learned she was with child. For a brief moment he firmly believed it was God’s way of forgiving him, but as much as he wanted her, he knew she belonged to another. Rational thought went out the window and with it the belief he needed to cover up what he had done. He had seen his predecessor go mad from the voices in his head and yet still, he listened. Events began to unfold like watching an avalanche occur. At first, a few pieces fall, then, without warning, the entire wall breaks free from its hold and there is nothing to stop it.

He summoned Uriah, his adoration’s husband, and commanded him to go home to his wife. Perhaps, it wasn’t too late, if they lay together now, he may not realize the child she carried was not his own. Uriah, the Hittite, did not cooperate; he was a loyal soldier. He refused to sleep in the comfort of his own bed with his wife while his fellow soldiers slept on the ground.  Instead, he spent the night with the palace servants. The man was loyal to the core. Anger infiltrated David’s soul with resentment and hate for this righteous man’s loyalty to God and king.

David tried time and again to lure Uriah to go to his own home, to be with his own wife that he himself coveted so dearly, but Uriah would not comply. The king had sinned, grievously, voluntarily, and he would be punished by the Lord God above. Desperate to relieve his own guilt, the king sent Uriah back to battle with a letter to his commander.

That night, the prophet Nathan had come to him and told him a tale. Damnable prophets always spoke in parable, they were nearly as bad as the soothsayers. The prophet Nathan told him a tale of a rich man who had everything taking from a poor man the only thing he had. David became inflamed with anger that a man would do such a thing to another and commanded Nathan to restore the poor man’s lamb four-fold and behead the accused. And Nathan said unto David “Thou art this man. The Lord God made you king, delivered you from the hands of Saul, gave you the house of Israel and all of Judah, and this is what you do to repay him? You have despised the commandment of the Lord and done evil in his sight.” Nathan went on prophesizing of the devastation that would soon befall his house. And so it began that night, David watched the beginning of the consequences unfold in his dreams.

[wrestlingisfake]

All Out preview

Here we go with AEW's annual Labor Day weekend show in Hoffman Estates, just like the original All In show three years ago. I have been going to wrestling shows for days, and it all comes down to this!

The show starts at 8pm EDT, streaming on Bleacher Report (in the US and Canada) and Fite.tv for $49.99. A free pre-show will be available at 7pm EDT.

CM Punk vs. Darby Allin - This is CM Punk's first pro wrestling match since January 26, 2014, when he spent 49 minutes in the Royal Rumble working with a staph infection and a possible concussion. The following night he walked out of WWE, leading to seven and a half years of debate about what is next move would/should be. Two weeks ago he debuted with AEW and declared that he wanted to help the younger talent, starting with a match against Allin. Allin, for his part, took some exception to being the first opponent, as if he's just a stepping stone to bigger matches.

The big issue here is seeing how well Punk, 42, has held up after seven years away. I've seen reports that he's looking good in training, but you just don't know until the bell rings. Regardless, I expect the hometown crowd to be very forgiving to Punk, and Allin is good enough to carry the match if he really has to.

I feel like I ought to have more to say about this, but it also feels like everything's been said. I can't believe Punk would lose his first match in. But I can believe that if Punk insisted on doing the job, AEW would let him do that. It'd be unusual for the returning guy to come up short, but New Japan does that sometimes and it can work as a longer build to the first win. Still, it is Chicago (sort of), so my gut says Punk wins to let us feel special.

Kenny Omega vs. Christian Cage - Omega is defending the AEW men's world title. For months, Omega held four different belts, representing championships in AEW, AAA, and Impact Wrestling. But on August 13 Christian defeated Omega for the Impact/TNA world title (and later retired the TNA belt), leaving Kenny more vulnerable than ever. The AAA and Impact titles aren't at stake in this match, so no matter who what happens the winner will be a double champion.

Cage is a great wrestler, but not a great challenger for this match. For months the storytelling pointed towards Hangman Page in this spot, but Page was abruptly written off television so he could take paternity leave. I don't think anybody resents Christian for filling in, but nobody really expects the 47-year-old, recently returned from a seven-year retirement, to win the big one. It's also a rematch of something we already saw a few weeks ago, which isn't a big deal but it's a bit of a talking point when everyone is always dogging WWE for excessive rematches.

The big go-home angle on September 1 was that Omega, the Young Bucks, and their buddies destroyed Christian, the Lucha Bros., and their buddies. After the show went off the air Tony Khan promised that this kind of bullshit interference wouldn't happen in the Bucks-Lucha Bros. cage match. Well, okay, but this match doesn't have a steel cage, so I have a feeling there will be plenty of bullshit interference. And I'm willing to bet that interference gives Omega the win while somewhat protecting Christian.

Matt Jackson & Nick Jackson vs. Penta El 0M & Rey Fenix - The Young Bucks (Matt and Nick) are defending the AEW tag team title. The Lucha Bros. won a four-team tournament to earn this shot. The Bucks have relied on a lot of outside interference from their entourage lately, so to counter that this match will be held inside a steel cage. In AEW, the only way to win a cage match is by pinfall or submission.

I was at All Out 2019 when these teams last met in a crazy ladder match (which feels like a million years ago). Everyone raved about it, and also worried that the Bucks damn near killed themselves. Personally I had a really shitty view of the ring, which made it hard to follow the match. This time I've got a much better view, so I'm looking forward to some good karma.

In theory the Bucks have sworn off doing the dangerous shit from the ladder match, but technically this is a cage match so maybe they'll just do different dangerous shit. Personally I'm more intrigued by seeing them change their game to fit in the confines of the cage, which doesn't lend itself to springboard flips off the ropes. But the cage has places to stand at the top, which will encourage the idea of setting up crazy highspots.

I feel like a title change is possible, but I could just as easily see the Bucks hold the belts for another six months. Santana and Ortiz seem to be next in line for a shot, and honestly I think that would work with either of these teams. But I guess I'll lean towards the Bucks retaining.

Chris Jericho vs. MJF - MJF defeated Jericho on November 7, 2020, to earn entry into Jericho's stable, the Inner Circle. MJF inevitably betrayed Jericho and formed his own stable, the Pinnacle, which beat the Inner Circle on May 5, 2021. Jericho was so determined to get revenge that he accepted MJF's terms to perform five "labors" to earn a rematch, but MJF beat Jericho once again on August 18, 2021. So now MJF is 3-0 against Jericho. (For some reason we're counting the ten-man match on May 5 but not the other one on May 30, which Jericho's team won, but whatever.) To get this final rematch, Jericho has put his career on the line.

Suddenly everything else in this storyline has taken a back seat to the idea that this may really be the end of Chris Jericho's 30-year in-ring career. There are plenty of fans who think Jericho, 50, should hang it up, but now that it might actually happen I think people aren't so sure they're ready for it all to end. The timing for Jericho to tease this is perfect, because he could easily just win and go another couple of years, or he could easily just finish today.

Part of what makes this work so well is MJF. I think everyone recognizes that MJF is going to be a top name in the 2020s, and that Jericho wants to make this guy. So it's like, if Jericho can get retired by anyone he wants, why wouldn't he pick MJF? I think the match will feel a little flat if Jericho comes up short yet again, but if it's the end of his career it suddenly doesn't matter if he's lost too many times, y'know?

Still, something tells me this isn't the end. Something tells me Jericho has more he wants to do. And something tells me, in a few years, we may be wondering if it would have been better if he retired on this show.

Britt Baker vs. Kris Statlander - Baker is defending the AEW women's world title. I expect to like this match but there's not really much to it. Baker was feuding with Red Velvet a while back and then Statlander made the save for Velvet. Baker and her crony Rebel have brought in Jamie Hayter to stack the deck against Statlander and Velvet. I think it's way too soon for Baker to drop the title, and I don't expect Kris to be the one to take it from her. So this is kind of a formality to kill time until Baker vs. Thunder Rosa down the road.

Miro vs. Eddie Kingston - Miro's AEW TNT championship is on the line. Somehow in the past year Miro has gone from Kip Sabian's gamer buddy to a monster heel who thinks God has anointed him to beat the shit out of people. Kingston has gone from a gutless heel to the most beloved guy in AEW. Wrestling is great.

Anyway, I love both of these guys, but I can't just bet that all the wrestlers have a good time. If Eddie's going to win a championship, it really ought to be in New York. I realize Chicago is AEW's favorite and we get all the good shit, but I've had my CM Punk ice cream and I'm maaaaaybeee going to get the Bryan Danielson debut too, so I'm willing to let New York have this one thing. Just this one time.

Jon Moxley vs. Satoshi Kojima - Moxley is the new GCW world champion following a surprise appearance at last night's GCW show; I assume that does not turn this into a title match. Moxley told top contender Nick Gage "you know where to find me," and it's anyone's guess if Gage will show up here to accept that invitation.

Mox is a busy boy making friends everywhere he goes. For a few weeks he was angling for a match with a top New Japan Pro Wrestling star on this show. The leading candidate was Hiroshi Tanahashi, but several other interesting names were discussed by fans and pundits alike. After that buzz, Kojima is a bit of a letdown.

Don't get me wrong, it's cool to get a guy who's held the IWGP heavyweight title, the All Japan Triple Crown, and the NWA world title. Kojima's a legend. But at this stage of his career, he's the guy New Japan sends when the real stars aren't available. Besides which, my cup runneth over when it comes to 50-year-old guys showing up to prove they can wrestle like they're 40. And I don't think anybody really believes Kojima can beat Moxley.

Ideally, this match should end with a video message from a bigger New Japan name calling out Moxley. I'm not confident that will happen. Then again, at this point I wouldn't be surprised if Moxley showed up in NXT UK to pick a fight with WALTER.

Paul Wight vs. QT Marshall - Formerly the Giant in WCW and the Big Show in WWE, Wight debuted with AEW earlier this year as a color commentator. QT and his goons were picking on Wight's broadcast partner Tony Schiavone when Wight intervened, setting up this match.

I was actually kind of into the idea of this until Marshall showed photos of Wight's recent hip surgery. Up to that point, they'd managed to keep me from noticing if Wight could move okay, and I was willing to accept he could do a basic squash match without a problem. But now I just assume he's broken down and he'll need a lot of smoke and mirrors to do even a simple match. Maybe that's the plan, to get me to lower my expectations and be pleasantly surprised. I sure hope it works out.

I'm about 95% sure Wight clobbers QT and just wins handily. There's a chance QT's squad pulls enough shenanigans to get a bullshit win, but I'm not sure what the point would be.

21-woman Casino Battle Royale - This is AEW's funky concept for a gauntlet battle royale. Five women start the match, and then every five minutes another wave of five enters; the 21st entrant gets to come out alone. Eliminations can occur at any time, by exiting the ring over the top rope to the floor. The last woman left after the others have been eliminated is declared the winner, and receives a future title match against the AEW women's champion.

AEW has announced 20 participants: Abadon, Anna Jay, Big Swole, Diamante, Emi Sakura, Hikaru Shida, Jade Cargill, Jamie Hayter, Kiera Hogan, KiLynn King, Leyla Hirsch, Nyla Rose, Penelope Ford, Rebel, Red Velvet, Riho, Skye Blue (a late substitution for Julia Hart), Tay Conti, The Bunny, Thunder Rosa.

The 21st spot has been left open for a surprise. Ruby Soho (formerly Ruby Riott in WWE) is widely expected to join AEW, and this would be a sensible spot for that to happen. But there are other women who could potentially debut here as a swerve.

I always want to pick the surprise entrant to win these things, but they really haven't done all that well in AEW battle royales. I could see them giving the win to, say, Big Swole, and just having Britt Baker beat her a few weeks later on Dynamite. Or Thunder Rosa could win to set up a major program for the next pay-per-view. They have a lot of options, which makes it hard to predict but fun to watch.

Orange Cassidy & Chuck Taylor & Wheeler YUTA & Luchasaurus & Jungle Boy vs. Matt Hardy & Marq Quen & Isiah Kassidy & Jack Evans & Angelico - This is booked for the pre-show. Hardy's heel group has been feuding with most of the midcard babyfaces for months. I don't expect this match will blow off the feud, but it'd be nice if it did so we could move on to something else. Orange's team should probably win.

[suicidalassassin]

So after MONTHS of quarantine, tomorrow, I return to my day job. Much like many of you reading this, I’m sure when all of this craziness started, your lives were turned upside down, like mine. EVERYTHING went to smoke, and we were all left choking on confusion and fear. Having never filed for unemployment before(I just realized what a blessing it is to have typed that), I had no idea how my finances would be taken care of. Further more, like many other unfortunate people, my unemployment never went through, or, is STILL processing. So, yeah things seemed pretty bad for ya boy. HOWEVER! I’d always told myself that my goal with my art was to be able to make a living off of it. And, I can honestly say, thanks to the grace of God, that is EXACTLY what I’ve done these few months. Not only am I giving thanks to the creator, but also, to all of you who asked for commission work. Whether you knew it or not, every single one of you were God sent. So much so that I’m STILL playing catch up on my list. I finally understand the message “Your cup will runneth over.” The most high used this opportunity to kick me out the nest lol. And yeah, it’s scary when you’re pretty much told “YOU GON’ LEARN TO FLY ON THE WAY DOWN, JUST TRUST ME, PLAYAH!!” But, yo....when you realize the wings he blessed you with actually work....it’s a beautiful feeling, man. So beautiful, in fact, that I’m at a complete 180 and now kinda scared to go back to “work” lol. But, if there’s one thing I’ve learned these last few months, “The best things in life are on the other side of fear.” I believe I heard that from the dude that shares my name @willsmith lol. I’m sharing this testimony in case anyone else needs to hear it. Put your trust in the tools God gave ya. Anyway, happy Sunday to all. Be blessed! If you’ll excuse, I gotta go tame this hair for “work” 🤣 #testimony #dreads #dreadlocks #locs #locstyles (at Savannah, Georgia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CD9ygJbJ9KK/?igshid=162iru9091rlp

[starkercrossedlovers]

My Cup Runneth Over

Uhhhh so...the only excuse I have for this is that I read this stony fic and immediately thought of writing it as a Starker fic...and then decided it would be even better if it was a Steve/Tony/Peter fic. Enjoy the filth!

——————

“Fuck, look at you baby, all stretched out, you look so good,” Steve croons, breathing only slightly unevenly as he rolls his hips, grinding his cock deeper into Peter. His gaze flicks up to find Tony watching, leaning back against the headboard with one knee propped up so his forearm has somewhere to rest.

His olive skin is warm in the soft golden light of the sunset, the windows open to let in the summer air, cooling the sweat on his skin. Tony sips his whiskey and lifts a brow at him, smirking softly before leaning up slightly so Steve can bend over and kiss him. It’s soft and warm, the taste of honey on his lips and the bite of alcohol on his tongue.

Beneath him, Peter mewls for attention, drawing Steve’s gaze back down to where Peter’s hole is stretched around his cock. Tony had fucked him first, loosening him up for Steve and slicking the way with his cum, but Peter had still moaned and shook when Steve pressed in.

He fills his hands with the lush swells of Peter’s ass and spreads them, rolling his hips again so he can watch his cock driving in, dribbles of lube and cum sliding out each time he thrust.

“Look at that Tony, look how needy his hole is,” Steve rasps as Peter’s rim spasms around his cock, “god he’s so pretty,” he murmurs, shaking his head in disbelief as Peter moans and sobs beneath him. Tony nods and hums in agreement, reaching over to rub his thumb around Peter’s rim, stretched and hot and pink.

At the extra stimulation Peter sobs, hands ripping the sheets in his grasp. Both men know he’s overwhelmed, desperate to cum, but with a weighted cock ring on, pulling his balls down away from his body, there’s no chance of that before they’re ready for it to happen.

Besides that, Peter had asked for this—to be fucked over and over again until he was full of cum and his body was swollen with it. Tony knew he didn’t have the stamina to go enough times, and they’d done this in the past—had Steve in their bed, so he’d made the offer with Peter’s consent, and after planning and preparation, here they were.

Steve kept up his slow rolls, turning his attention to Tony. “That meeting with the UN next week, we should be prepared for pushback from the Germans.” Both men share a grin as Peter whimpers beneath him, desperate for attention as they talk, pointedly ignoring him.

“We’ve already asked T’Challa to show his support. With he and Nat at the helm, we should have the votes we need.”

Steve hums and nods in agreement, thumbs digging into the edges of Peter’s rim, pulling him open as he rises up and begins fucking him harder. His own orgasm has been held at bay for long enough that his cock has begun to ache and really, theres no need to hold back when Peter’s so desperate for it.

His mewls and tearful sobs are loud as Steve fucks into him, the sloppy sound of his cock slipping around in the mess of cum and lube filling the room. His thumbs bite into the tender skin of Peter’s rim, eliciting a full body shudder and a cracked wail as Peter thrashes beneath him, begging for release.

P-p-please! Ah! Ah! N-need...please!!

The clench of his soft insides around Steve’s cock is enough to have him cumming, groaning as he grinds his hips in, cock twitching and spilling deep inside Peter. Tony reaches out with a wry grin and pinches one of his nipples, the stimulation enough to have him cumming again, hips jerking as he fills the wet hot clasp of Peter’s hole.

He keeps up his slow rolling thrusts, grinding into Peter, staying hard despite the back to back orgasms. A blessing of the serum, one he’s put to good use with more than a few willing partners, and is especially handy now. He glances over and finds Tony is half hard, with a little more encouragement he’ll get there soon enough.

He slaps Peter’s ass gently and winks at Tony when the boy shudders and cries out, “Wanna tap in?” he offers, grinning when Peter moans and arches his hips, clearly happy with the idea.

Tony shakes his head and leans over to set aside his drink—the muscles in his torso tensing beautifully and Steve takes a moment to admire the physique of the older man. He’s not as thickly built as Steve, smaller and slimmer, but there’s power in those limbs—Steve’s witnessed it when he’s in the lab while Tony builds welds and hammers his latest creation into shape.

The other man shuffles over and gently turns Peter’s head so he can lean down and kiss him, a soft noise of pleasure in his throat as Peter moans into the embrace—clumsy and wet and perfect. Tony pets his hair and pulls back, “How you doin baby?” he asks quietly, “need a break?”

Peter shivers and shakes his head weakly, eyes hooded and face lax with pleasure as Steve continues fucking him. “Mmmm...good...promise,” he slurs, voice hoarse from moaning. Tony nods but slips away for a moment before coming back with a water bottle, carefully guiding the cool liquid between swollen and wet lips so he doesn’t choke.

Peter drinks half the bottle before Tony makes him eat a specially designed protein bar and gently encourages him to finish the rest of the water. When it’s gone he sets it aside, cupping Peter’s neck with one hand as the other rests at the base of his spine, rubbing soothing circles into his skin with his thumbs.

Peter’s eyes flutter shut as Tony caresses him, a little calmer now as Steve keeps his thrusts slow and deep. “Good boy, you’re doing so well sweetheart,” Tony croons, leaning in to press a kiss to Peter’s sweaty temple. Peter hums and arches into the touches, smiling and gazing up at Tony in adoration.

The love between them makes Steve’s stomach clench—he’d had that before, with Bucky, and Peggy, but the love he and Bucky share now is that of friendship, nothing more.

Peter reaches out slowly as slides a hand up Tony’s thigh, fingers brushing weakly at his cock, “Can I have it?” he asks, pleading quietly. Tony nods and brushes his fingers through his hair, shuffling forward so he can guide his cock between Peter’s spit slick lips.

The boy hums and closes his eyes, content to let Tony thrust slowly, using his mouth to get hard. The counterpoints of pleasure fill him with heat, the warmth expanding under his skin till he feels like he’s glowing with it, content to be filled and given every ounce of pleasure he can stand.

When Tony is hard he slows his thrust and lets his cock lay in Peter’s mouth as Steve thrusts harder, chasing release again. Praise falls liberally from his lips as Peter moans and rocks back against him. “Good boy Peter, you’re so good. Look how you open up for me, all loose and soft. God, I oughta take a picture and frame it on the wall it’s so pretty.”

Peter moans louder, cheeks flushing at the idea, pleasure curling in his gut at the idea of being on display where anyone could see. Tony grins and strokes his hair, “You want that baby? Wanna have everyone see the work of art your hole is?”

Whimpering, Peter nods, moaning around Tony’s cock. Steve groans at the idea too and thrusts harder, the squelch of cum and lube loud as he slams into Peter, hands tight around his hips. A near constant moan vibrates out of Peter as Steve fucks him, hips arching so he slides deeper, the clench of his body sending Steve spiraling into release.

“Ohhhh fuck...oh god...Peter...”

Steve groans as he slips out slowly, the wet sucking noise making his gut clench—moremoremore—his body demands. Peter whimpers at yet another lost chance for orgasm, hole spasming around nothing as cum and lube slip out slowly.

Tony’s cock slips from between his lips with a slick pop and Peter gasps, cheeks pink and lashes wet, spit and cum staining his lips. Steve pushes the mess back inside Peter, fingers rubbing along his rim and pressing against his tender insides. Shuddering, Peter moans and arches into his touch, hitching breaths loud and wet.

“Look at you sweetheart, all loose and soft. You’re a mess baby, all filled up with cum.” Steve runs a soothing hand over his lithe, muscular thigh, “You wanna cum baby?” he offers, surprised when Peter makes an objecting noise and shakes his head.

“Want more...” Peter moans, lashes fluttering as he looks up dazedly at Tony, “want you to fill me up,” he whispers roughly, swallowing hard. “Wanna be so full it fills up my belly.”

Tony curses and fists his cock, a sentiment Steve understands as his own cock gives an interested twitch. He’s a little amazed by Peter’s stamina—they’ve been at this nearly an hour, and his demand isn’t to cum, but for them to keep using him, filling him.

“Shit, okay baby, hold on. I’ll get you nice and full,” Tony promises, leaning down to kiss Peter’s lax lips, the younger man humming in pleasure at the gentle embrace before Tony pulls away and switches places with Steve.

“Get more water and protein bars,” he urges Steve, “you both need em.”

Steve nods and grabs his sweats and T-shirt before hustling out of the room and hurrying to the kitchen. The others are away—out for dinner, with family, vacation—it’s a rare moment of silence in the compound and it’s one he and Tony are making good use of.

He gathers water bottles and electrolyte drinks, protein bars and some chocolate, putting in an order for pizza while he’s at it so they can eat properly after. He doesn’t know how long this will go so he makes a note to have he or Tony send a message when they’re cleaning up after so the pizza is hot and ready and at their door.

Tony has Peter up on his knees, face pressed to the side against the mattress as Tony curls over him, hips rolling slow and deep so his cock drags against Peter’s prostate over and over again, crooning praise in his ear.

Steve sets up the supplies on the side table and strips again, half hard already, leaning back against the head board to watch. Peter’s lashes are wet and his lips are parted around moans, drooling into the sheets as Tony takes him apart slowly.

“You’re so good baby, so good for me, letting me fill you up,” Tony murmurs, hands firm on Peter’s hips, “I love you so much baby.” Peter hitches out a sob and Tony bends further to kiss him as Peter whimpers and whispers back a slurred I love you.

When he pulls back, there’s an intense look of concentration on his face as he thrusts harder, face twisting in pleasure as Peter sobs and rocks back against him, the wet sound of Tony’s cock inside him embarrassingly arousing. He hides his face in the sheets, gasping and moaning as he thrusts back, shuddering at the sensation of something slick sliding down his thigh.

With a shaky hand he presses against his stomach, feeling Tony inside him, the wet heat of he and Steve’s cum sloshing around noisily. He’d been so scared to ask for this, but he knew already that Tony liked to fuck him and then plug him so his cum would stay inside, he’d figured this was just asking for...more.

More cum, more proof that he’s Tony’s, more pleasure with each release he’s denied, knowing how intense it will be at the end.

Tony’s thrusting harder now, the weight of him hard and reassuring inside him, the pain/pleasure barrier gone now that his system is so overloaded. If he’s normally dialed to eleven, he’s gotta be somewhere around 100 now.

Every touch feels like a brand on his skin; searing hot and blindingly good. It feels like pain when Tony caresses his cock, pleasure when he bites his neck, agony and ecstasy when he cums, the heat of it sending shudders over his body. Cool sweat slicks his skin and he’s panting hard as Tony keeps rocking into him, his cock softening slightly.

“Oh Peter, baby, love you, love you so much,” Tony whispers in his ear, “love being inside you.”

Peter hums and leans into him, smiling dazedly as Tony wraps his arms around him and pulls him up slightly before rolling them down and to the side. His knees tuck behind Peter’s and he rolls his hips slowly, pressing kisses to his sweaty neck, whispering soft declarations of love.

There’s a crinkling noise and then Steve is in front of him with a bottle of water, encouraging him to drink, then eat a protein bar, large hand petting over his hair as his crystal blue eyes gaze fondly down at him. Tony’s stilled inside him, both of them breathing unevenly, but unwilling to move apart. Steve gives water and half a protein bar to him as well, smirking at the nose wrinkle Tony gives him at the taste of the bar.

“Just rest baby,” Tony murmurs, kissing Peter’s throat softly, “rest.” Peter nods and closes his eyes, snuggling back into Tony, hole clenching around his cock for a few moments before his body goes lax, soft snores filling the air. Tony grins tiredly at Steve, “I’ve got maybe one or two more in me, but he asked if we could both be inside him for the last one, you okay with that?”

Steve stares at him wide eyed, “Are you okay with that?” he replies—it’s one thing for them to take turns filling Pete up the way he’s asked, entirely another to fuck him at the same time. “Can he even take us both?” He asks suddenly, worry filling him at the idea that he—they—could hurt someone as sweet as Peter.

Tony gives a small shrug, “It’s what he wants. I try to give him what he wants, and he does the same for me. As to whether he can take it...” Tony pauses and then nods slowly, “I think so. We’ll go slow and if he can’t, we just take turns like before.”

Steve nods in agreement, still worried. He watches as Tony presses his face to Peter’s neck and inhales, eyes falling shut. Deciding to give them space, he rises and steps out onto the balcony, watching the sun slip lower in the sky. This isn’t what he thought his life would be, that’s for sure, but—he glances over his shoulder at where Tony and Peter rest together and smiles—it’s certainly a good place to be.

Time slips by and the tight clench of Peter around his cock teases him back to full hardness. His hips rock slowly forward, tiny movements that make his breath catch, heat building in the cradle of his hips. Peter rouses slowly and Tony reaches around to feel cock—sympathy making his heart ache at the hot swollen skin in his hands.

He keeps his thrusts slow, a hand on Peter’s hip rolling him back into the movements, sweat slick between them as he crests, slow and sweet like molasses. Gently he rolls Peter to his stomach so none of the cum slides out, soothing him when he whimpers at the touch of the sheets on his cock.

Stroking his cock to try and keep it hard, he calls for Steve, rubbing circles into Peter’s back as the other man approaches. “Baby, Steve agreed, you still want us both?” he asks, smiling when Peter lets out a cracked moan and shifts against the sheets.

“Okay baby, just hold on,” he encourages before turning to Steve. He nods, pleased when he sees Steve is already hard. “You get in first. He’s loose, but it’s still going to take some time to get him looser and I’ll need it.”

Steve nods and climbs up behind Peter, grabbing lube to slick his cock before he slides in, cum squelching out around his cock as he does. Peter shivers and moans at the sound, arching back so Steve slides deeper, both of them moaning now.

Steve slides his hands to Peter’s hips, pressing one flat against his stomach with a pleased sound, “You’re starting to show sweetheart, look, all stretched out from cum filling your belly up.” He feels it when Peter slides a hand down so he too can feel the gentle swell of his stomach, shuddering and moaning as he realizes how full he is already.

Tony strokes his cock, watching as Steve fucks the boy in deep, long strokes. Peter arches into the thrusts, breath sobbing with each roll of the super soldier’s hips. He watches as his boy falls apart, tears rolling down his face, sobbing and begging incoherently. Steve works two fingers in alongside his cock, stretching his rim, a warbling cry of delight coming from Peter as he shivers.

Passing Steve the lube, he kneels beside them, unable to keep himself from slipping his own fingers in and tugging gently. There’s a wet sucking sound as Steve’s cock pushes in and out, louder when he applies more lube to Peter’s hole, the sound lewd alongside Peter’s tears and pleas for more.

Steve curses as his cock slides against their fingers, cum and lube spilling out with each thrust. Tugging on his hip, Steve guides Peter to his knees and gently pushes his face down into the mattress, turned to the side so he can breathe, cry and moan freely.

“You ready baby?” Tony croons, stroking his cock slowly. Peter whines and rocks back, a garbled acquiescence coming from his throat as he cries, overstimulated and down deep in subspace. “Okay sweetheart, take deep breaths for me okay?” He rubs a hand gently over Peter’s back, murmuring encouragement as his boy takes deep, shaky breaths.

Steve shuffles to the side and then stills, buried deep inside Peter as he waits for Tony to align himself. Their fingers pull at the edges of his rim, keeping him open as much as possible to ease the way. Tony’s breath catches as his cock nudges against the loose edge of Peter’s rim, gut clenching when it flutters weakly.

“Shhh baby,” he whispers when Peter whines, “just breathe.”

Peter rolls his head in a nod and tries, tries so hard to keep breathing, even as sensation threatens to tear him apart. His fingers shred the sheets as he pants and drools, whining like a puppy as Tony’s cock catches on his rim and then pushes past.

Eyes rolling back in his head he gasps, throat dry as he tries to make a sound, but he can’t even breathe let alone moan. He’s so full, bursting at the seams and Tony isn’t even halfway in yet. Dizzily he wonders if he’ll break apart with both cocks inside him, if he’ll just go fuck stupid from the pleasure and be forever ruined.

It’s an appealing thought.

He feels more lube being squirted inside him alongside Tony’s cock, cool and soothing for the aching burn of his soft bruised insides. He’s so full, stretched and wet and used...and it’s perfect.

It’s everything he wanted and more.

When Tony pushes in the rest of the way everything goes white; pain and pleasure blinding him. His cock throbs and pulses, the sensation of orgasm washing over him even as he’s denied actual release by the cock ring.

Noise filters back in slowly; great heaving gasps and high whines, the squelch of his hole as Tony and Steve shift.

Too much, it’s all too much.

He needs more.

“M-m-more,” he wails, sobbing as Tony and then Steve start rocking in alternating rhythms so he’s never empty and being stretched even further with each thrust.

Tears stream down his face—perfect, it’s perfect and he’s going to die, utterly consumed by pleasure, burning up from the inside out. He can’t control the sounds he makes, drooling and crying and beyond coherence as he’s fucked full.

He hears Tony’s gravelly voice urging him on, praising him, distant and echoey, soft words sinking into his skin and warming him. Steve’s hands caress him as he groans and rocks his hips, bruises forming where his touch is, shivers running over his skin at the idea that he’ll wear these marks alongside the belly full of cum, branding him as the needy slut he is.

There’s a quiet discussion he mostly misses—

—close

—yea

—off

And then there’s fingers at his balls and the ring is popped off, the weight pulling them down gone, and he sobs as he cums, unable to hold it back at all. His voice cracks around the scream he wails out as Tony and Steve thrust harder, the clench of his hole weak as his body thrashes and shivers.

There’s two loud groans and cries of his name and then he’s being filled, cum spreading inside him so deep he can feel it in his chest. Mouth gaping, he shakes and gasps wetly, limbs trembling with the urge to collapse. When his knees feel like giving out and he sways, a strong arm bands around his hips, holding him in place.

Gentle hands rub into his back as Tony pulls out, the wet squelching of his loose sloppy hole making his cheeks burn. He gasps for air, head light as he’s held in place, shivering and moaning softly. Steve pulls out slowly and a rush of hot messy slick pulses out behind him.

There’s a quiet discussion and then something solid and heavy is at his rim and he whines, edges away from the sensation and a hand on his neck stills him.

“Shh sweetheart, just gonna plug you up so you stay nice and full, that’s all,” Tony whispers, leaning in to pepper kisses across his back, “can you hold still for me? Hmm?”

And yea, he can do that, he can be good for Tony, especially after how good he’s taken care of him and given him what he’s asked for. So he holds still, limp and exhausted in Steve’s arms, whining and shifting as the plug slides in. It’s bigger than they’ve used in the past and he thinks that if they hadn’t fucked out his hole, it would be too big for him normally.

It settles and his rim closes around it, a deep sigh shuddering out of him at the sensation. Those strong arms don’t let him go, instead he’s lifted and carried into the bathroom, set gently into a lap, the sound of running water reaching him distantly.

He smells the familiar scent of Tony’s skin, the salt of sweat and bitter tang of cum blending with the remnants of his cologne for a musk that makes him hum and nuzzle into his neck. Tony laughs softly and pets his hair, hand making soothing circles over his spine till he’s half asleep.

He doesn’t protest when Tony shifts them into the tub, the water warm and gentle on his skin. He realizes he’s sore slowly, the ache in his thighs from kneeling, a tremor in his arms from holding himself up, dull heat in his cock and strain in his balls, but mostly it’s the way his rim feels strained and his insides feel bruised that he feels the most.

It hurts, but it’s a good hurt—liking digging a finger into a bruise.

Tony’s gentle as he washes him, cleaning cum and lube and sweat from his skin till he smells like amber and vetiver, skin soft and warm. Kisses are pressed along his neck and distantly he’s aware of Tony murmuring sweet things to him, but he’s too fucked out and exhausted to try and form a response.

He loses time a little—somehow he’s in bed with clean fresh sheets around him, and he’s reclining against Tony and the scent of hot cheese and sauce is enough to perk him up. He grins sleepily at Steve as he hands him a box, taking one for himself as he leans against the headboard beside them.

Tony turns on the tv and stops at a rerun of Back to The Future, a movie they’ve all seen before but still enjoy.

Lips press against his temple and Tony whispers I love you softly, just for them, and it curls into him, warming from the inside out. He tilts his chin and kisses Tony’s jaw, I love you too he replies.

He smiles softly at Steve and thanks him quietly, slipping a hand down to curl against the swell of his stomach where he’s filled with cum. The plug holds it all in and he hums in contentment, snuggling deeper into Tony’s arms as sleep comes for him.

He has everything he needs here; love and comfort, people who love him, a home...and he smiles, thinking fuzzily of a bible verse he heard once; my cup runneth over, and he huffs out a weak laugh at the silly double entendre—ass full of cum is hardly the notion the deciples had in mind when writing the verse in psalms.

He decides he’ll share the joke with Tony when he wakes up, already smiling as he falls asleep, picturing the way Tony’s head will fall back as he laughs, bright and loud and utterly beautiful.

————————

Uhhhh hey...so...I hope you enjoyed this, welcome to the filthy depths of my depraved mind lol 😂 who doesn’t love a little threesome action?? Certainly not Peter 😉

@sluttystarker @starkerchemistryy @pantastic-peach @thebadthingshappen @ciel-mio @hpspazz @starker-4ever @w1nters-stark @foof-a-loof @confused-trash-kitten @panicdotexe @stqrker @honey-honey-darling @mariketa12 @itsmeryshipper @dramione90 @starker-flame @pretzelpoetry @seriouslystarker @starkerthanreality @ikneelbeforemygod @professional-fangirl75 @virgilismypoorshadowling @godlovesstarker @sapphicfreak @veronicashipsit @the-dark-obsidian-princess @ikneelbeforemygod @laughing-oreo @sensei-sans-sugoi @ruelukas22 @tom-starker @yourlittlemelody @sbiderslut

[miss-noo-na]

Vos Anima Mea (Chapter 9)

Title: Vos Anima Mea

Genre: Vampire AU

Rating: PG-13

* See Masterlist for additional chapters

Note: Good news! I guess? This isn’t the last chapter. I intended it to be, but it ran a little long so this is the second to last chapter. Thank you for sticking with me <3

Kihyun’s words echoed in your head day and night. It penetrated your dreams, sometimes as a cozy reverie filled with images of a life together, dedicating all your time to your art, helping out at the club, sleeping beside one another. Other times you had hellish nightmares about his father appearing like a phantom in the night to rip you apart.

You had one particularly bothersome recurring dream about Kihyun being tortured before your eyes by unseen dark forces, the enemies you would no doubt create if you decided to stay with him

Staying with him also meant changing everything about who you were, what you did, and who you were going to be. You’d be immortal, you wouldn’t get sick, you would be young forever. But also you would abandon everyone you knew in your human life, and take on a completely new one.

It was a big commitment, but the more you thought it over the more it enticed you. You hadn’t been that satisfied with human life anyway. Your job was just okay, your friendships weren’t that deep, and you weren’t very close to your family. The entire reason you sought out a place like the club was because of how empty you felt in your life. Now, you felt full. Your cup runneth over with love and purpose.

If everything went according the plan, and that was a big if, you could have everything you had ever wanted and more. But you knew you were going to have to fight for it.

You spent days thinking about it, all while helping Kihyun form his plan against his father. He didn’t press the issue with you, he knew you had a lot to think about, but sometimes he would hint at it, say things about a future together. It would slip out and he would correct himself, but that only made you feel more confident about it. He already thought of you as his.

For today, you didn’t have time to think about that. Today you were going to Victoria’s house, and your stomach was in knots. The last time you saw her she was dismissive of you, and seemed as if she might still have feelings for Kihyun. Worse than that, she seemed to have been sent by his father, your sworn enemy. However, Kihyun had assured you the two of them had spoken since then and he had filled her in on everything that was going on, and she was to be an ally to them in this time.

Victoria’s house was as you imagined it, not as big as Kihyun’s father’s but sizeable and secluded. The drive way was long and dark, shrouded in trees, and you wondered if there was even a house to find out here in the thicket. However, after some time, you came upon it sitting by itself, next to a small pond and a band of woods.

Stepping inside was like stepping into a Victorian fever dream. According to Kihyun she hadn’t even been alive during that time period, but she favored it due to her old-fashioned parents. Everything was dark wood, low light, and cluttered. Bookshelves, paintings, statues of Roman Gods and Goddesses, pillar candles, taxidermy animals,  the scent of musk. Honestly, you adored it.

You were brought into a parlor by a stuffy older man, and invited to sit on a lounging couch. Tea was already set on a  silver platter with dainty cups atop saucers. You both waited patiently and silently, and Kihyun rested his hand on your leg, knowing you were nervous.

“Sorry for the delay,” Victoria’s voice rang into the room before you saw her. She looked as immaculate as the first time, her dark hair pulled back high and regal, falling over her shoulders in waves. She wore clothing that looked modernly chic with hints of 18th century trims and ruffles. If she hadn’t been Kihyun’s ex-fiancee and in cohorts with his father, you might have wanted to be her best friend.

She took a seat adjacent to you in an antique chair, and the old man began to serve the tea. Your cup clattered against the saucer in your unsteady hands, and Kihyun gave you a supportive glance. 

“It seems we have a lot to discuss.” Victoria said, giving you both a careful look as she put down her teacup.

“Where do I begin?” Kihyun asked, almost to himself, staring down into the amber liquid of his tea.

“We’ll run down the basics.” Victoria started. “Your father is insistent you take the throne, to the point of kidnapping your painter. By the way, my condolences for the treatment by the old man. I had no idea he would go so far.” She ended by giving you a gentle nod, and though her hoity-toity way of speaking made her seem insincere, you could tell by her tone and her eyes that she meant it. Although, you still didn’t like being referred to as simply ‘the painter’.

“And now you,” She continued, looking back to Kihyun. “Are saying you’ve come around to the idea, but not if he’s involved.”

“I’d like to have him exiled.”

Victoria’s eyes went wide and she sat back . “Exiled? Isn’t that a little extreme?”

You could see Kihyun’s grip on his saucer tightening as well as his jaw. Without thinking, you reached over and placed a gentle hand on his forearm, and he instantly relaxed. Victoria didn’t miss this exchange, her eyes shooting down to where you touched him, but quickly back to Kihyun’s face.

“I know my father has been charming you for awhile now, and because of this you don’t seem to understand what he’s fully capable of.”

Victoria let out a sigh. “You are right, he is persuasive, and I feel like a fool for having gone along with it for so long. I did notice a change in him recently, how much more determined he was to get you back, and the way he pushed me so.”

“He fully expects you to birth a child for me.”

She blinked, her face going tight. “Oh does he now?”

“You were a pawn as much as I am. He didn’t care if it killed us both, as long as the kingdom still belonged to his name for as long as he’s alive.”

A wave of understanding seemed to overcome Victoria, as if years of grooming and manipulation had been exposed to her in an instant. You were glad she seemed to be seeing the light.

“I don’t think I can admit it here and now, but,” She hesitated, then looked between the two of you again, and seemed to decide it was now or never. “I will be frank. He used my affection for you as a bargaining chip. He stoked those fires, making me believe you would come back to us both.”

You felt incredibly uncomfortable hearing those words. It wasn’t even jealousy, it was being privy to someone’s very private and deep emotions. This was clearly between the two of them, something only they understood, and you felt intrusive for even hearing it.

Kihyun pursed his lips, and nodded with a sigh. From the way he spoke of their relationship, he had cared for her, but maybe not as deeply as she cared for him. Despite this, his soft heart wouldn’t let him feel guilt for leaving her like he did.

“I think you two should be alone.” You said, going to stand. Kihyun reached out for you but you gave him an encouraging smile, letting him know it was okay.

“There’s a garden out back, if you’d like to take a walk.” Victoria offered, and you thanked her. They had a lot of unfinished business that you need not be apart of.

It was dark, naturally, but the garden was lit by whimsical fairy lights from above along a predestined stone path. It was gorgeous, with tall hedges, water fountains, and unique flowers. She seemed to pick ones that would bloom at night, and you admired her attention to detail. As you walked, you felt a tug inside, wondering what they were discussing. You worried that Kihyun might actually want to go back to Victoria, but another part of you told you it was silly. He could have gone back any time before he met you. If he truly loved her, he would have brought her out with him.

After what felt like a sufficient amount of time, you started making your way back. You could hear them still conversing when you returned, and crept carefully as not to interrupt. Just outside the room, you paused when Victoria’s voice caught your attention.

“You love her, then?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, feeling bad for eavesdropping but also desperate to know the answer.

“I do. Very much.”

You placed a hand on the wall to steady yourself, letting out a held breath.

“And you believe she will stay with you? Become one of us?”

“I do not know for certain.”

Victoria laughed.

“You’ve always been so foolish, Kihyun.” She said in a lighthearted way. “Whatever will you do if she says no?”

“It’s her choice, and I respect whatever it may be.”

“You’re too good for this wretched world. I think we need a king like you.”

He hummed.

You chose that moment to enter, trying to act as if you have just arrived.

“Victoria, your garden is beautiful.” You said as you sat down, and she half-smiled at you.

“Thank you, you have good taste.Which reminds me to compliment your masterpiece.”

“You saw it?”

“Kihyun sent me a photo. He’s really in awe of it, and I can see why. It’s exceptional.”

You felt your cheeks get hot as you stared down at your feet. Victoria was nothing if not honest, and you appreciated that.

“Maybe she can paint your portrait someday” Kihyun offered, and you gave him a look, but he only smiled.

“That would be lovely, I do need a nice portrait for my mantel.”

You really didn’t know how their conversation had went, but apparently it went well. They were now talking like old friends, and none of the three of you had any feelings of animosity or spite in your speech.

“Now, as far as my father goes,” Kihyun started then, ready to tackle the real issue now that personal matters had been set aside.

“I don’t know a whole lot about his business ventures, but I do know there were some shady goings-on. He was involved with some local crime syndicates, vampire and mortal alike.” Victoria said as she went for a sip of her tea, speaking of such matters in a graceful, unaffected way.

“Do you have any proof?”

Victoria shrugged. “I have access to the files, I’m sure there is something of use in there.”

Kihyun’s eyes went wide. “You have to get us everything you can, anything relevant to his time in charge that can be used against him.”

“No offense, my dear,” Victoria placed her cup down. “But I have a lot to lose here. What guarantees do I have if this all goes to plan?”

Kihyun shrugged. “What do you need?”

She looked to be considering it for a moment.

“I’d still like to hold a position, I was doing quite well as a records keeper and treasurer.”

“Very well, you can remain there.”

“And my portrait, of course.”

Kihyun glanced at you and you smiled and nodded.

“Done.”

“I also want to be the Maid of Honor at your wedding.”

Kihyun had been raising his teacup to his lips when she said that, and he clanked it back down on the saucer and spluttered for a moment. You bit your lip, trying not to laugh, and Victoria winked at you. Okay, you really liked her.

“Well that’s, I dont kn-” Kihyun was practically falling all over himself and Victoria giggled.

“I’m kidding, dearest. The job and the portrait will be just fine.”

Kihyun put down his cup and cleared his throat, choosing to ignore the little joke. “Let me know when you’ve got the documents in order.”

You all stood and Victoria saw you out, and on the way home you discussed your plan of action.

You had become acquainted with Kihyun’s home, even more comfortable here than your own. Your schedule was completely shifted to his, waking at sunset and either spending the night painting or going to the club so he could work and you could mingle with Samantha. He ordered you dinner every night from one fancy restaurant or the other. Sometimes he even took you out, and sipped his wine while you ate. When you got home, he’d feed from you and you spent the rest of the pre-dawn in a happy daze, cuddled up beside him or making love.

That was when the nights were good, of course. It wasn’t all roses. Some nights he was frustrated that he wasn’t making any headway in coming up against his father. Sometimes informants would cancel, leads would fall through, or a promising piece of evidence turned out to be bunk. He’d pour over crates of documents that Victoria had sent over,  throwing them into piles from ‘of interest’ to ‘totally worthless’. On more than one occasion he cursed and slammed objects around, but was quick to calm himself and apologize. You helped whenever you could, but it never felt like it was enough.

This night was one of those nights. His usually crisp shirt sleeves were haphazardly rolled up to his elbows, with stacks of papers in various piles on the coffee table and the floor. He shuffled through them loudly, and you tried not to get in the way. You put on some music, and went over to your easel to work on something calming.

“Fuck.” He slammed a stack of papers down and you were taken aback. You’d never heard him curse before.

He pushed a hand through his hair and looked up at you, and you gave him a sympathetic smile.

“Come here.” He said, siting up from his hunched over position. You got up from your stool and walked over, and before you could sit next to him he pulled you onto his lap, wrapping his arms around your waist and nuzzling into your neck. It had been awhile since you started being physical with him, but when he did things like this it still took you off guard and made you blush furiously. He was always so put-together and controlled, that when he let his emotions unravel and passions spill out, you turned to liquid inside.

You reached up and stroked his hair at the back of his head. “It’s okay.”

He sighed, relaxing under your touch. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

You pulled back and looked down at him. “Of course you can, you just have to be patient and thorough.”

“Every time I feel like I’m getting somewhere I hit another brick wall. No one wants to talk to me, and everything we get is hearsay. We’ll never convince the high courts without solid proof.”

He sounded so downtrodden that it broke your heart.

“What do you have so far?”

He glanced over at the stacks and reached over you to pick a piece of paper off one of them.

“We have his spending habits, and some evidence he’s invested outside of public interests, but I don’t think it’s enough.”

“Didn’t Victoria say he had connections to crime syndicates? Mortal ones?”

He nodded.

“Why haven’t you talked to any of them?”

He let out a humorless laugh. “You really think a bunch of mobsters are going to talk to me? What am I supposed to do, call them up for tea?”

“Kihyun, you’re a vampire.” You said, shaking his shoulders.

“And?”

“And you’re super strong? And super fast? And you do that scary thing with your eyes and the fangs. Come on!”

Kihyun wasn’t one for flexing his powers, he was very subtle about it and the only time you’d seen him exercise it was against his father or when he was angry.

“You want me to shake down gangsters for information?” He asked.

“We’re desperate, aren’t we? You don’t have to hurt them, I’m sure a little scare will do the trick.”

He looked up at you and a smile tugged at the edge of his lips. “You’re crazy, you know that? Absolutely insane.”

“So they tell me.”

[quixotic-quetzalcoatl]

I got to wonder, in a hypothetical situation where Alfor was still alive in that altean empire and became corrupted, and allura had to kill him, how do you think she would handle that and would she be even able to?

Wow, my cup runneth over. Love the name, btw, it’s hilarious. Everyone has such awesome questions and ideas… it’s a creative haven here, I love it. 

I guess if it was an immediate life or death situation, as in, he has her by the throat, Allura could probably summon the strength to kill her father in self-defense. She was able to let go of Alfor’s corrupted memories for the sake of saving their lives. 

But if it was being faced with how to deal with him on her own terms, I would imagine she would try her utmost to redeem him. Stick him in a cryopod until she could figure out a solution, may be. Wouldn’t it have been super awesome if the ultimate god tier power of an Altean alchemist was purification? I feel like that would be a good way to bring balance once more to the sheer devastation caused by the rift creatures.

Your question is related to a question I’ve had for a long time. Just why was Allura so prejudiced toward the galra? Heck, Neil Kaplan retweeted my 4 yr old kid saying Zarkon wasn’t evil, that it was the twintessence, because Coran said he “became pure evil.” They all knew he used to be friends with Alfor and became corrupted. So if there is a root cause, a disease, a parasite, etc. to which a reasonable person should naturally assume a potential cure, why so much hate? We don’t charge a person for murder if they are insane and they kill someone. And if it was her own father, she would have seen that and tried to save him. It’s just exceptionally aggravating she didn’t see it when it came to Zarkon, and went further to project his corruption and madness onto Lotor. What do you think?

[impvrfectlyleni]

Page 1.

“I always judged people for staying toxic environments until I realized how hard it is to leave.” - @esther1meza

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Song of the Day: As Long as You Love me x Sleeping At Last.

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Hey darlings it’s me.

I always toyed with the idea of posting my thoughts on here but brushed it away because really, who cares? Lately though, the noise in my head has been too loud so I decided to just write. There’s no plan for this blog post, but I do know that it’s going to be raw, it’s going to be real.

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Page 1. 

My father hasn’t always been the most loving man. He tried, still tries, and hopefully will continue to try. But growing up, all a little girl wants is acceptance. All I’ve ever wanted in this life is to be accepted. I’m a mess, I feel things too deeply, I allow myself to believe in the seemingly impossible; but all I want is someone to accept that. So now, at 23 years old, I’m dealing with the consequences of not having this in my life. I’m dealing with the consequences of growing up believing I wasn’t enough.

I’m stuck. I don't know if I’m stuck because I refuse to succumb to the truth, or because I’m actually confused. I’ve always been searching. Searching for peace, happiness, love, a sense of belonging, anything. After a while i begin to feel empty inside so I decided that had to change. As soon as I went to college I decided to figure out why I has this feeling. Or rather, why i was so empty inside. I looked for answers everywhere but within. I looked and looked, I looked for the answers in others. I found men who promised to fulfill this hole I had inside but instead, I continued to be hollow. I allowed them to make me feel worse because that was better than feeling nothing at all. But, it left me bitter, angry at all these men for not doing what they had promised. I was even more angry at myself for accepting these mediocre examples of love; in reality i was convinced that it was better to be loved in this manner than not loved at all.

Despite being stuck, I know I was meant to love. I know I was meant to pour into others, because God do I have so much to give. But who is pouring into me? I’m constantly left empty and fighting to love myself just so I can continue to pour into others. I crave for the day someone is freely willing to pour into me. I crave for a sense of belonging, being enough, just being loved. Someone willing to pour into me as I pour into them.

I’m going to school for this very thing: family and marriage counseling. Before these relationships can work, each person has to fight their individual battles. So, I have to battle with these feelings. I have to sit down and come to terms with the fact that I have emotional trauma. Until I deal with this I will never be okay. Even in situations where I could have been happy, my overthinking has ruined them. I don’t trust that I’m enough, despite being repeatedly told that I am. I don't trust that I’m enough, so I assume they are looking for the “missing” pieces in other women. I’m afraid that the fact that I haven’t dealt with what’s going on with me deep down inside, is going to continuously drive others away. 

So, you ask, what am I going to do about it? I have to eliminate toxicity. Sometimes the toxic people are those you call family, friends, even significant others. But for your own sake, they have to go. I am fighting within myself to do this very thing, but I know that the toxicity is making my heart bleed. As I write this, my heart is aching. My heart hurts so badly, and no amount of tears is easing the pain or making it better. But what I do know is, I need to heal. My heart needs to heal, my soul needs to heal. It’s easy for me to say these words to other people and to even share them with you on this blog post, but actually doing them is painful.

To anyone dealing with this feeling of not belonging, this raw and painful feeling on the inside, know you are not alone. We are all fighting with our demons, and it’s only until we finally face them that we can be free. I encourage you to eliminate toxicity, and realize that the vices you’re using to attempt to fill this hole will not work. I have tried, and failed. Eliminate toxicity and from there begin to heal. I pray you each find peace within yourselves, and that our hearts can be healed enough to share with another. What wasn’t poured into you, pour into another. Pour love, peace, and joy into your significant others. But believe me when I tell you that until you are individually healed, the pouring will leave you empty. Heal, and find someone who will pour into you as you pour into them; pour eternally until both of your cups runneth over. Care for yourselves darlings, I beg of you. You deserve to be loved, to feel like you’re enough, to feel whole. And no matter how hard it might be to believe, it starts with you.

Thank you for indulging me and my restless mind, I’m eternally grateful. ❤️

From my perfectly imperfect soul to yours,

len.

[dachroof]

REVIEW: ‘Caution’ - Mariah Carey

best song: “Stay Long Love You"

worst song: "GTFO"

hon. mentions: “8th Grade”, The Distance”, “Giving Me Life”

The vocal confectionist kept it light in terms of frosting and sugar drizzles, which I think is a testament to the strength of these records as there’s still some very hearty, full-bodied, cake present. This album has the most potential energy of her more recent releases. The foundations of the songs are stronger than they’ve been for a while, and though at times she fails to realize all the harmonic, melodic, and climatic potential of a song — as on “Caution” — or she mistakenly leaves a feel good bop too underdeveloped (and therefore vapid and redundant) — as on “A No No” — she still manages to create a solid body of work. Ultimately, Mariah’s back in good form. She’s excited, and I’m excited about it. This is the most confident and comfortable she’s been in years and the material reflects it.

The sonics of this record place it in tandem with Erykah Badu’s ‘But You Cain’t Use My Phone’ and Lalah Hathaway’s ‘honestly’. However, this is more characteristic of Mariah than those two, which is part of the reason she sounds so much more at home than they did on their projects (and than Lalah specifically). ‘Caution’ is both ‘Butterfly’ and ‘The Emancipation of Mimi’ minded. This is ‘Butterfly’ in the world where “The Roof” and “Babydoll” are the album highlights, and more than meeting that task. The world where “Mine Again” and “Stay the Night” are ‘Mimi’’s. In their places we get “Giving Me Life” and “Stay Long Love You”, respectively. This is Mariah, as a more seasoned artist, further expounding on the idea she and Mary J. Blige introduced. Hip-Hop plus some SINGIN’ singing. What Mary J. did with soul vocals and emotional depth, Mariah did with ethereal pop vocals and compositional complexity. Mariah is in such good spirit and vocal shape here it’s reminiscent of 2005, the era her fans describe as her second prime. I’d go as far as to say the best songs on here sound like throwaways from that album, that is, they are comparably strong ideas though they don’t all execute as brilliantly (as “Shake It Off”, “We Belong Together”, or “Fly Like A Bird”).

Album highlight “Giving Me Life” is easily my favorite song. Slick Rick sounds quick and fit, and with as much wit as ever, and his verse feels like bumping into your uncle for the first time in a while and seeing he’s doing well in body and mind: It was a blessing. And the warm, stanky, groove Dev Hynes strokes out of the production with that fuzzy-like-a-bumblebee bass line makes it feel so Black, it’s a fellowship. Mariah is full on New York mixed girl here. We get the swag of hip hop, the attitude of an elusive chanteuse, and the hilariously hyperbolic and yet appropriate slang of Black LGBT folk (which sounds great on her as we know it’s authentic: she really talks like that and isn’t just adopting or co-opting the language for cool points). The other highlights include “The Distance” and the breezy “Stay Long Love You” which sounds like Harlem in the summer time, specifically Harlem summer 2004. The summer of “You Don’t Know My Name” and “All Falls Down” and “Yeah”. “The Distance” is a great feeling modern dance track, with a spastic bass line and anchoring drums that jump your pulse and get you right into a sturdy ass head bop. The strength of this record is definitely in the latter half.

I firmly believe the pre-album singles do this record no justice. “GTFO” specifically was corny, and lazily attempted to capitalize off of shock value. I imagine the conversation after it dropped being “Oh my god, Mariah is singing curses on a vibey song,” which may interest initially but the song is so weak it couldn’t even hold my interest until the end. To her credit though, Mariah did say the song was a just-for-fun record that happened in the spirit of improv and I think a post-album release, in similar vein to Beyoncé’s just-for-fun “7/11”, would have better communicated that to the public. It definitely should not have lead this album roll out. “With You” is similarly weak, but I think that’s due mostly to the fact that it followed “GTFO”. So hopefully, “With You” can find new life on shuffle in playlists as there is some compositional and emotional depth present.

Overall, this is a strong effort from Mariah. I imagine this album has the same energy as ‘Butterfly’ and ‘The Emancipation of Mimi’ because she, again, feels free. Free from the drama, and negative relationships both romantic and professional, and maybe even from negative self-talk. She’s in great spirits, she sounds good, she feels good, and that’s oozing out of the record. So even on weaker songs like “A No No” and “Caution” the fun cup runneth over so much you just want a taste, and so you join the soul train line to 2 step to the undeniable bops. More than the strength of this album alone, this album feels as though it marks a kind of return for the criminally underrated artist. Her voice isn’t as big and agile as it used to be, but her songwriting is as potent and interesting as ever. I mean after all, this is the writer of the American holiday classic “All I Want Is You”. She has 18 #1 singles for a reason: she knows what the fuck she’s doing. Be cautious, Mariah’s back and as good as always. 6.5/10.

Rate: 6.5/10

Dopeness Level: x8000

Lyrical Depth Level: x7000

Sonic Beauty Level: x7000

(Sonic) Cohesiveness Level: x7000

Style Level: x8000

...by Te’von Walker

[thewhiterabbit42]

Gabriel’s Lament

Summary: He will never be able to save her.

Pairings: Gabriel x Reader (OC?)

Warnings/tags: angst, character death, reincarnation

Word Count: 900+

A/N: Written for @spnangstbingo​ and inspired by the amazing piece of art below.  Also written as part of a universe for an unnamed series that has yet to be written.  I’m still deciding whether to make it a reader insert or OC (hence the question above).  

Bingo Square Filled: Haunting

Special thanks to @sumara62 for her wonderful beta’ing skills and feedback that made my night :)  Also a big thanks to @nobodys-baby-now who lets me ramble about all my fic ideas AND introduced me to this piece of art which inspired this.

***Please do not repost or copy my work to any other site without my permission.  Giving credit does NOT count.***

Inspired by Marc Fishman’s art titled Gabriel’s Lament.

He will never be able to save her.  

It doesn’t matter how hard he tries.  How close he keeps.  How far he stays.  She is destined to walk a finite path along his infinite loop that only ever ends in heartache and strife.  

In every life she is different, and yet she is one and the same. The physical details may change, but what resonates within her is the constant; love, mercy, compassion -- life.  She is his call for justice, tempered; the absent temperance from his existence.  She was not built like him, nor he like her, and most days he is glad for it.  

Most days, it’s also his lament.  

It’s that difference that brings them here, time and again, to a crossroads inhabited by so many demons there’s little space for anything but desires and want.  His is simple: to right what has been done, and though he tries to trade the only thing he feels he still has, his offer falls upon eternally deaf and indifferent ears.

The truth is, neither soul can be sold.  His belongs to her and hers is lost; vanished, along with so many things they both once had.  He wonders if this is what keeps her wandering, forever traversing the earth in search of something.  The only thing she ever finds, however, is him.

It haunts him, knowing she will be out there again, at a time and place he’ll never know.  The thought that she could be there consumes him, drives him to distraction, until he learns it’s best for him to forget until she’s at his doorstep again.  It could take months, years, decades before she crosses his path again, and while time does not hold the same meaning to someone like him, there is something to be said about relativity.  

He sates his urges.  He eats to excess.  He stirs the pot and plays tricks on the lesser Gods and Goddesses purely for his own sport.  He takes maidens and concubines, and when those cease to amuse, he simply takes whomever catches his eye.  His cup runneth over in all things hedonistic and sinful that make him feel good.  It stuffs his wounds full of decadent distractions, and like paper thin gauze, it holds the aching emptiness at bay for a short while.  

The moment he sees her again, it all comes undone.  

He can no longer feel her being.  She’s come and gone so many times there’s no trace of it left to be found.  There’s nothing, not even the faintest echo.  He’s not sure what hurts more: the fact that the universe has forgotten such a rare thing of beauty, or that he remembers.  

He’s not the only one.  

She always finds her way back to him.  Sometimes, he swears, she knows, and as much as part of him longs to see that ever-changing, and yet always familiar stare, brighten with recognition, another part of him hopes that it never will.

His first wish may be to fix this, but his second would be to forget.  He wants nothing more than to slip within the solace of blissful blindness, to be ignorant of all that has transpired, and all that will continue to, breaking the chains of memories that refuse to stay buried.  Just like her.    

The knowledge he holds is a weight even his hands have trouble carrying.  Like towering boulders, some days there is nothing but that, blocking the rest of the world from his sight, enclosing him in the shadows, while those around him bask in the sun.  Some days it slips through his fingers like the finest grains of sand, the silky promise of relief smooth between them, until he realizes it will never come.  Instead of finding himself freed, it simply leaves him feeling hollow --desolate-- his hands clenching in hopes to find something, anything, still within their grasp.  

As always, he finds himself alone and empty handed… until she’s in them again.  Even then, it’s rarely for more than a few moments, and never, ever pleasant.  No matter who he is, no matter how much power he has, he will only be able to do the one thing he always has: fail her.  It will not end any other way than this, broken and bloody, the last vestiges of her vitality staining his hands an even deeper shade of red than they already are.

Yet, not once has fear tainted the luminescence of her stare.  No matter how terrible it’s been, no matter what horrors she’s seen, the moment he’s there, everything but the pain clears from her eternal gaze.

“I know you.”  It’s the barest whisper of air through vocal cords, dry and brittle, like the rustle of fallen, faded beauty that heralds the arrival of winter.  “Will it be long, Death?”

His smile is soft as he swallows his sadness, and he has no way of knowing how many shades of warmth and gold sing soothingly to her in these moments.  It’s a lullaby she has never heard, and one she never forgets.  For her, he is her reaper.  He will always be there in the end, holding her close, whispering words of comfort in these final moments, no matter how many times he must watch her pass beyond his reach.

He can’t tell her who he truly is, because he will never be able to save her, and knowing the truth would only take those few, lingering fragments that are left inside her and shatter them, just as certainly as it does him.

All my tags are open to anyone 18+.  Just send me an ask or a message to be added!

ALL the tags:

@girl-next-door-writes @sumara62 @fand0maniac @feelmyroarrrr @omgreganlove @jannalionheart @baritonechick, @lucifer-in-leather @stone-met @blondecoffeecake  @raspberrypuddle @ourloveisforthelovely @the-moose-of-baskerville @tistai @christinalibertymikaelson @room-with-a-cat @authoressskr @revwinchester @flufy07 @greieba @crowleys-poppet-queen-of-assgard @whinywingedwinchester @tardis-is-mine @jadesid @ccasnovakk @tangle-of-ivy @deaths-maiden @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester

Gabe Squad:

@theblackenedsky @bloodstained-porcelain-doll @pepperwoodatnight @lacqueluster @samikitten @a-vast-african-plain @kazosa @carryon-wayward-winchester @nobodys-baby-now @dlb1999 @ludwigs-a-monster @archangelgabriellives @a-wing-and-a-pen @tricksterxangel @cipherwheeldecoder @gilded-lady @thinkwritexpress-official @sherlockedtash88 @megasimpleplan4ever @azlinh @troubletrumble @nuvoleincielo @randommotion @the-bleeding-rose @fruitiplierq @gabrielthemessanger  @pizzamanteachings @lady-phoenix-of-tardis

@amandaecrn @onlyanothersocialcasualty

[dhunt1s-blog]

To my almost one year old

It’s such a cliché “motherly” thing to say “where has the time gone”, but here I am repeating in my mind over and over “wow, where has the time gone??”. Time has passed so quickly and you’re already getting close to that 1 year mark. It’s like someone snapped their fingers and here we are. RECAP: (To the best day of my entire life and the beginning of my entire best life) On April 8th at 8:30pm, I started having lower back pains. Zach suggested I time them and sure enough they were within the 5-8 minute mark. They weren’t consistent ans I was unsure if this was really “it” or not so we decided to stay home until things got a little more painful. Fast forward a bit (12:00am) and your daddy and I are pacing back and forth, loading our bags up, and making phone calls. With every contraction I hit my knees unable to speak or breathe. However, I managed to punch the floor or whatever I could reach many many times! This was it. This was definitely it. I was in back labor. WOW! This is it???!!! I don’t even know how fast Zach was driving on the way to cape. I’m not even sure exactly what time we left. I do know that we arrived around 1:30am. The ride there I remember having contractions 4 minutes apart (still timing) and being so amazed that I was totally fine and unphased in that time between! As soon as they’d leave, I was totally in zero pain. Then here it comes again. I was literally talking to my contractions “please stop please stop. God I can’t take this.” And BAM. I’m fine again. I guess I thought I’d be in consistent pain. Btw-You were STILL kicking! We arrive at the hospital and I’m brought up to labor and delivery in a wheelchair. The nurse said I was dilated to 3 and if I didn’t progress in an hour I’d be sent home. I’ll spare the words that flew out of my mouth, but you get the idea. An hour went by and, thank God, I progressed to a 4 and was 100% effaced. Good thing because I was NOT leaving the premices. By 6 centimeters I couldn’t handle the pain anymore and was screaming for an epi. Your daddy was amazing support through all of this. He, of course, never left my side. My water broke around 4:30 at 7cm. At 6:00 she said I was 10cm and ready to push. I was terrified. Shaking. But it was time to finally meet this tiny human being that I had waited for for a long 9 months. I was ready. I remember being so thirsty and my mouth was so dry that I couldn’t even lick my lips. Why do I vividly remember this? I don’t know but it was miserable. The pushing started and time actually went by quickly. I remember my last push. Let me tell you, that epidural did NOT diminish that pain. But when they placed you on my chest at 6:46am on April 9th, 2018 and I heard your first cry, I wasn’t aware of anything else around me but you. HE’S HERE: “Wow. You’re mine. I’m a mom and you’re my baby. This is so crazy. You are so beautiful. So tiny.” It was the best and most out of body experience I had ever had in my entire life. From that day forward, my life changed for the better and I experienced a love that I didn’t know existed. My 7 pound 1 ounce baby boy. You became my entire world. Now I’m like how... How did an entire year flash before our eyes in an instant? We brought you home, you rolled over for the first time, then started crawling, and now you’re this toddler walking all over the house bumping your head almost DAILY (Baby proofing is never ending). This past year has been scary, absolutely crazy at times, and I’d be lying if I said it was all rainbows and sunshine because it has been rough. So, so rough. But the great thing about parenting is that when you think you can’t move forward and you feel like giving up (often occurrence here), this precious life that you created looks up at you and you’re reminded of why you are doing this. You’re constantly reminded that THIS is what life is really all about. And it AMAZING, no matter how hard it can get at times. Right now, you’re sitting next to me in bed and, instead of sleeping, you’re throwing a fit. It drives me insane, but I try to remember that these days will fly by. Just like they have. You used to sleep on my chest but one day you stopped. You used to let me hold you anytime without a fight but now you’re on the go. I’ll hold on to even these trying moments, because one day you, my baby, won’t be a baby anymore. I could write a novel, but I will spare that and leave you with this. This past year was the most amazing year of our lives and I hope it was amazing for you too. Your daddy and I haven’t been, and will never be, perfect parents but rest assured that you have 2 parents who will do any and everything in our power to give you the best life imaginable. We see so much potential in you already. Your already so intelligent and very observant. You are SO goofy and laughing is a daily occurrence in this house because of you. You have no idea the joy that you have brought to our lives. We love you more than you could ever imagine, and I’m so thankful God placed you here to be ours. Our cup forever runneth over. Love, Mom and Dad

[withgodslovexoxo]

A Reflection of 2016…

It was the best of times, it was the worse of times and that was how I looked at the year 2014. As the celebration for 2015 was nearing, I found myself wanting more of God and growing in a relationship with Him to increase my Faith. I don’t set New Years resolutions, but that year I told myself and my son that as we enter 2015 I wanted us to focus more on Faith, Family, Friendships, Finances, and Philanthropy and we called this journey the 5 F’s. Starting out 2015 praying my way through each day and learning how to fast, not only did my Faith and Trust in God increase but my son, 6 yrs old at the time declared Christ as his Savior and had a better understanding of Jesus Christ and a growing relationship with God. The rest of the year was truly a blessed one, and all areas of the 5 F’s were flourishing. But what I didn’t know, was God wasn’t finish with me yet. As I sit here and reflect on 2016, I am overwhelmed with God’s goodness in my life. Continuing to increase in Faith and follow the counselor He provided me, has been one blessing after another. When He says He will provide, He shows up and does just that and more as He shines His favor upon me and my son. Although he answered my prayers of the 5 F’s in 2015, I had no idea of just how much my cup runneth over in my faith, family, friends, finance, and philanthropy through 2016 all because of trusting in Him and asking in His name and will. What a good, good Father! It’s often asked to someone as the New Year approaches, “are you ready for the New Year”, but instead I’m asking is the New Year ready for me?!?! With Gods Love, XOXO

[allanpaulvin]

“THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON”

Good morning, once again, to those of you who are awake, breathing, and ready, willing, and able to digest my words of wisdom that follow.  It's now 9:08 AM EDT on the thirteenth day May 2018.  First, let me extend my wishes to the mommies out there in "Diatribe Land."  May your Mother's Day ahead be rewarding and enjoyable.  I hope that the greeting cards you receive contain a reasonable sense of humor, and may your wait for a table a favorite restaurant be a short one.

"Uncle Weathbee," and his technically adept crew, are forecasting clouds and temperatures of in the mid-fifties to impact my day here in Central New Jersey.  Additionally, they're calling for numerous days of rain in the days ahead.  Uncle, I think you and the New York Mets both need to get your acts together and proceed to a more positive footing.  

Now, it's time to relax so that you can quickly answer the questions that follow.  If you're a fan of SNL, what did you think of Amy Schumer's monologue?  Do you prefer regular milk, cream, or half & half in your cup of morning coffee?  What's your opinion of the "DUMPSTERS," recent rants about how great he is?   I think you already know how I feel.  Every once in awhile, do enjoy a cup of Italian Ices?  I, for one, get brain freeze, so I keep away from frozen delights.  Lastly, what do you think about Michael Cohen and his criminal ways?  

It appears that my sources, at the New York Times, have taken the day off.  So there'll be no political discussion in today's Diatribe.  I can hear you uttering words like; ah shucks, I can't go on without a review of today's headline, or thank God!  Hopefully, my buddies will return to their desks tomorrow?  

Now that that's out of the way let's move forward to today's edition of: "Al's Diatribes."  Our subject is:  "THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON."  I readily admit that these words are not mine.  My researchers at wikipedia.com inform that:    

"Things Happen for a Reason is the title of the debut album of R&B/dancehall singer Che'Nelle. It was released on September 5, 2007 (see 2007 in music) under Capitol Records."

After much thought, they do because:

-  I had a conversation with God, earlier this morning -  I'm a firm believer that you get what you deserve -  love for a woman from Cranford, New Jersey was meant to be -   I received signals from my belly that ingesting Ben & Jerry's FroYo isn't healthy - There must've been a reason why Mr. Trump was elected President?  I'm still seeking an answer to this question. -  now I know why "my cup runneth over,"  on occasion -  now I realize why I received a New York Mets cap as a gift -  lousy water, here in the Garden State, is the cause of shitty bagels and pizza -  short TV seasons are because advertisers have limited budgets -  I'm still searching for the reasons why I'm who I am

You've got better things to do instead of focusing your ocular organs on my daily thoughts and ideas.  Taking that into consideration, I'll end today's edition here and now.  Make it a great day!

[fatecaster]

27 Stunning Tarot Symbols in Everyday Life - Reblog

Find the original blog post at: http://ift.tt/2isCE9F

27 Stunning Tarot Symbols in Everyday Life

Tarot, with its rich, deep history, is a wonderful tool, whether utilizing it for divination purposes or for delving deeper into the human psyche. Though some of the suits may vary from deck to deck, and time to time, what they represent does not. The symbols of the tarot, as they have evolved over the centuries, have come to encompass the whole of humanity in a picture, the aspects of our nature, both light and dark, our dreams, our ambitions, hopes and fears. Let's take a look at 27 stunning Tarot symbols in everyday life.

A Brief History

Some ascribe the Tarot, as a whole, to ancient Egypt, but the truth is a little closer to modern times. Cards have been a popular past time for centuries. Even the illustrious Queen Elizabeth loved a game of hearts. The first introduction that can be found for the Tarot is around the middle of the 15th century, as a card game referred to as Visconti Trumps. The game was aimed at nobles and gained in popularity, changing and evolving almost at its inception.

Originally, the Trumps featured only the 22 cards of the major arcana. The French made attributions later in the century, but it was still considered only a game for entertainment. The first recorded use for divination wasn’t until 1770, when Antoine Court de Gebelin proposed that the symbols had mystical symbolism and is also the first to suggest the cards ancient Egyptian ties. The deck we know today did not come into fruition until the 19th century. Though historically it cannot be proved that the cards had their base in the ancient and very mysterious land of Egypt, the most recognizable tarot symbols are.

Major Arcana

The oldest cards in the deck, the major arcana cards represent the fullest illustrations of human aspects and traditionally are viewed as “fate” cards. Each represents either a personality or a phase of human existence. They also represent situations or life events that either cannot or should not be avoided. It is said to reach full enlightenment, one must experience each of these phases.

#1 - The Sun

Looking up at the day time sky, finding the brilliance of a new day dawning and finding solace and comfort in the continuum is something humans have done since time immemorial. It is no surprise that this card represents vitality and enlightenment.

#2 - The Moon

The quiet companion of the sun, masked in the night and ever changing in its illumination, the moon has long been attributed to the feminine mystic and to the wild unknown. It can also represent cyclical changes, as recognized in the moon’s phases.

#3 - The Fool

We all know one, or think we do, which is why the fool remains such an indelible symbol in everyday life. No one wants to be the fool or to be considered played like one. But we all start as the fool, innocent in our ignorance, curious without a care for consequence, for we have not encountered them. The fool represents the beginning and we all must start somewhere.

#4 - The Lovers

Possibly the most coveted of all cards, the lovers represent, as they suggest, a beautiful and strong, loving relationship. Usually suggestive of the future, the lovers give us hope and remind us to be gracious and forgiving of our partners. Nothing is more thrilling than the idea of a love that spans eternity as this card suggests.

#5 - The Hermit

Now, this is an intriguing card because of the changes of perception in our modern times of a hermit lifestyle. For many, it conjures the image of the thirty-year old living in his mother’s basement, or the uni-bomber in his isolated cabin, but once this was a highly respected and appreciated aspect of humanity. It represents meditation and wisdom that comes from silence and introspection, things we hardly have the time for in the fast-paced world.

#6 - The Hanged Man

We’ve all played the old, missing-letter guessing game, so we know what the hanged man means when we see it, game over. But is that truly the case? This card actually represents letting go, which can be a good thing. Usually associated with a life trauma, this symbol reflects a need for stillness in battle, to remain calm when all seems to crumble.

#7 - The Devil

One of the most fear inducing cards in the deck, the devil invokes a vision of sin and corruption and evil deeds. It’s meaning in the tarot stays true to this reflection, usually referencing an addiction or negativity that is holding the querent in darkness. It means stop what you are doing and deal with the problem. Very controversial, this card has been banned from use by clergy periodically over the centuries and contributed to the church’s association with the Tarot and witchcraft.

#8 - The Tower In a post 9/11 world, it is hard to envision towers without calamity and this has been the meaning of the symbol of this card for centuries. Indicating great upheaval, it is largely considered one of the worst cards to draw. You may want to brace for great change.

#9 - The Magician

The symbol of the magician used to conjure awe and great power and still does, though the magician or wizard has become much more popularized today. This card represents self-empowerment. It can also indicate a time of great energy and action.

​​​​​#10 - Death

Another controversial symbol, usually depicted as the reaper, it tends to make you uncomfortable when this card shows up in a reading. But death does not necessarily need be interpreted literally, as it is generally associated with transition.

#11 - The World

Earth, third rock from the sun, very recognizably presented as the globe. This symbol represents wholeness, the journey complete, and is no surprise the last card featured in the deck.

#12 - Minor Arcana

Added later, these cards represent all aspects of life and can seem more ordinary or common place than the more ethereal major arcana. They are viewed as “choice” cards, ones that the individual query has an opportunity to change. They remind us that even when fate has dealt her hand, we are creatures of free will and act upon it accordingly.

#13 - Cups

Probably the most commonplace of tarot symbols in everyday life found in the tarot, the cups have always represented sufficiency of materialistic properties, or “plenty”. While pouring my morning coffee, I can’t help but be reminded of the biblical verse, “my cup runneth over”. Another modern adaptation is the old debate of “glass half full or half empty” and still illustrates our connection to this widely recognizable symbol. Whether a cup of tea or a cup of wine, the suggestion of comfort is undeniable and defines this suit.

#14 - Swords

As might be readily inferred, this suit represents battle. Though certainly not a modern weapon, the sword conjures everything from images of knights and their chivalry to respected samurai to fearsome Vikings raping and pillaging countrysides of old. This suit reminds us of our daily struggle, the fight to overcome obstacles and gives of the confidence of confrontation, something most of us avoid.

#15 - Wands

An old symbol of magic and the mysteries, wands are like the wind; their meaning shifts from positive to negative, representing both determination and direction and the loss thereof. The suit represents thoughts and are just as focused as they are fleeting. The wand reminds us that thought must be acted upon to be realized in the physical. Remember, nothing is invented that is not first dreamed.

#16 - Coins

Money, money, money. Also represented as pentacles or discs, this suit represents all aspects of money and its effect on our daily lives. This includes everything from work, business, property, trade, travel and the health of home life. Stability, security, this suit is guided by earth, as all the suit represent some form of elemental influence. They remind us of the practical and of responsibility.

#17 - In General

Because of the wide range of decks available today, these symbols may vary. Rider Waite is the most popular deck for beginners and these depictions from everyday life are commonly used. http://ift.tt/2ArFPFl is a wonderful database to search for individual symbols that you may be curious about that we did not explore.

​​​​​#18 - Dog 

What could be more recognizable than man’s best friend? The dog’s most conjurable feature is loyalty, but they can also remind us of honesty, fidelity and trust. 

#19 - Raven

The Raven is one of my favorite symbols, representing wisdom and the mystique, they have long been regarded as messengers from the gods. They represent secret knowledge and remind us to look for magic in our everyday world.    

#20 - Flag

The flag has been a controversial symbol in very recent times and often conjures patriotism and strong emotions. Traditionally, it is see as a harbinger of change, one that cannot be ignored.

#21 - Snake

Because it is a creature that sheds its skin, the snake is associated with renewal and rebirth. The Ouroboros, or ‘the snake that eats its tail’ is a symbol of the infinite cycle of life.

​#22 - Dove

The dove has forever been associated with peace. They are also tied to the goddess Aphrodite and represent purity and love, which is why they are often released at weddings.

#23 - Lion

​Often representing the strength card, lions are associated with courage. They represent fierce loyalty and are revered for their might.

#24 - Wolf

Like the dog and the lion, wolves represent loyalty, but they also stand apart, literally, as loners of the pack. They are assigned a keen intelligence, but in duality can represent primal urges as well. They remind you that fitting in is not necessarily the best way to be true to oneself.

​​​​​#25 - Fish

The fish has long been associated with Christianity and is the embodiment of Pisces. A water symbol, fish are tied to emotions. They are also reflective of intuition and creativity.

#26 - Key

One of my favorite quotes, “you can unlock any door if you only have the key.” This sums up the representation in the tarot fairly nicely. They indicate uncovering hidden knowledge.

#27 - Shield

The shield is another natural association with warriors and knights. They represent protection and defense. They can also indicate covering up, as in “shielding” someone from information, in order to protect them.

#28 - Triangle

Adapted from ancient Egypt and the Great Pyramids, the triangle indicates intelligence and love. A literal interpretation of the word pyramid is fire in the middle, which many associate with love or lust interchangeably.

#29 - The Sphinx

Another symbol garnered from ancient Egypt and one of the oldest tarot symbols, the Sphinx is the ward of knowledge. Often depicted as having a fondness for riddles, the great test of the Sphinx is to question and seek truth.

Conclusion

I hope you enjoyed this article about Tarot symbols. We are more than curious about your opinion feel free to share your comments.

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The post 27 Stunning Tarot Symbols in Everyday Life appeared first on Free Online Predictions.

[mrbrettmcdonald]

Hope in the Valley

Is anybody else just done? These last few weeks have been crazy for us, what with performances and games and ceremonies and parties. All good things that fill up a calendar fast. And the month of May just gets fuller and fuller as my kids get older. But the end is almost here. Summer's coming!

The promise of summertime helps us all get through the remaining days of school.

Hope in a promise can really get you through just about anything. And that's one of the most beautiful things about Psalm 23. Check out verse 5.

"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup overflows."

Really, the theme of this verse is hope. David is looking forward to a victory that is not yet realized, and this gives him joy and peace.

A table in the presence of my enemies

Imagine a conquering warrior celebrating a victory feast with his chained up, vanquished foe forced to watch. It's like receiving the championship trophy while all your opponents look on with envy.

One day, God will get the victory. There are days when it looks like evil is going to win. When things don't seem to go my way, even though I'm doing what God wants. When a dishonest person advances while the person with integrity is left in the dust. When godly values are thrown in the dumpster. When good is called evil and evil is called good. When cancer takes away someone we love.

But the promise of Scripture is that Jesus will return and reign as conquering King. He will "make everything sad come untrue," and those of us who are on his side will be vindicated. On that day, there will be great celebration. And hope of that future victory helps me make it through dark days.

Anointing my Head with Oil

It is with the hope of the day that he anoints my head with oil. Anointing with oil can refer to a few different things, but the idea here is joy. When I have hope for the future, I can be joyful even in difficult situations. My joy isn't based on current circumstances, but rather on a future reality. My gaze isn't fixed upon earthly temporal things, but upon heavenly eternal things. So I can be joyful even though I may not be happy about the hand I've been dealt.

My Cup Overflows

My head is anointed with joy, and it drips down into my cup and is overflowing the sides. The King James Version translation of this is beautiful: My cup runneth over. I am content in my circumstances. I have more than I need and better than I deserve. My God has won the victory and this reality will come to fruition in the future. So though I may suffer for a little while, I am content in this knowledge.

When dark days come, God's people don't have to panic or despair. It is possible to be at peace and to rejoice in a quiet hope for the day when Jesus makes all things new. May that truth overflow in your soul today.

[asegbolu]

A Royal Diadem

A ROYAL DIADEM

By Walter C. Lanyon

 CONTENTS 

You Sent That Letter Didn't You? 

Realization 

Your Talent 

I Am That Which I Desire to Be 

Camilla 

Before the Sandman Comes 

My Cup Runneth Over 

The Other Fellow 

A Divided Kingdom 

Let There Be Light 

 YOU SENT THAT LETTER, DIDN'T YOU? 

YOU sent that letter this morning, didn't you? You carefully wrote it, addressed and sealed it, and then you dropped it in the box. You didn't have a string tied to it, did you? No, you just dropped it in the box and went on your way. You didn't think that the box was especially burglar-proof, did you? And you didn't wonder how it would get from the box to the postoffice, and from the postoffice to the train, did you? You didn't spend all that morning worrying about whether the train would arrive with it, did you? No, you dropped it light-heartedly into the box and forgot it.

You sent that prayer this morning, didn't you? You carefully made your declarations for right and offset the wrong thoughts. You addressed your prayer to the All Highest and only ONE. But what did you do after you had sent it? You had a string of worry attached to it, and kept pulling it back to you to see if you could not add another word, or to see if it were really "made." All morning long you doubted, and the next morning you sent another prayer; but it, too, was attached by a string of doubt and fear and did not get far.

Several days after you sent the letter you received an answer which read: "I have your letter of such and such a date;" and you recalled that you had written a letter. Still you didn't rush out of doors and stop every passer-by and say, "I sent a letter and got a reply," and then elaborated on how you went through the whole affair, how you had hunted for paper and spilled the ink, or lost you pencil, etc. No, you accepted the letter, read it, got the benefit from it and went on you way.

And finally, in a half-hearted way, the poor little prayer which only half loosened, came back to you with a ray of light and you rushed to you nearest neighbor and said: "I had a demonstration - - you see it was this way, etc."

"O ye of little faith!" Why don't you cut the strings of worry that are attached to you every thought and "loose it and let it go?" Have the same faith back of your prayer that you have back of the letter and it will return to you with greater certainty and with surer reward.

Away out in the front lines while the battle was raging, a carrier pigeon was let loose with a message, and as he disappeared into the distance, fading away into the limpid blue of the sky, no worried thought hampered his voyage. When they "loosed him and let him go" they knew that he would fly to his destination and results would follow.

Who had not felt the perfect faith of a child in St. Nicholas? They ask for their heart's desire and are never left without some expression of love. When ye ask, ask as believing ye shall receive. You don't go into a store and ask the clerk for a certain article and then chase madly about repeating the request a thousand times. You ask and then wait. And so when we learn to ask and wait - - wait with the patience which is absolute faith - - then we shall constantly receive the reply, the reward that is rightfully ours. "Ask and ye shall receive; knock and it shall be opened unto you; seek and ye shall find." Don't knock and at the same time try to force an entrance by the window. The master of the house will take you for a robber and only bar his doors heavier.

And so as you send a letter send your prayer - - let them go forth unhampered, untrammeled by fear, worry or care. Don't stampede your thoughts - - a multitude of assertions accomplish nothing, they only congest you thinking. Speak to your Father in secret, and he will reward thee openly.

REALIZATION

STOP waiting and start realizing. "All things are possible to the man who believes and who trusts in God." You don't have to wait for the Kingdom of Heaven until you die. You cannot die into it, and long years of waiting will not bring it any nearer, for "The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand." NOW is your keynote - - stop living in the future and get into the NOW of your life.

Wherever this finds you, look about you and see what percent of your life you really live in waiting, expecting something that is coming, and never grasping the idea that it is all here right now.

"Act as possessing all things." Jesus' mission on earth was to set aside all old ideas of material growth. He didn't have to spend long years digging in the mountains to find gold with which to pay his taxes. He turned to the illimitable source of supply which was at hand to bless, and drew his substance - - his gold. He did not have to plant wheat, cultivate it and worry along with it in order to have bread to feed the multitude. He just reached out into the storehouse of the all-present Mind and realized that it was the substance of all things and that what he needed to do was to realize it. He realized all things and always acknowledged their presence before they were seen with the material eye. For we read that he "raised his eyes to heaven (centered his attention on the inexhaustible source) and gave thanks." Yes, he gave thanks before he could see it. Why? Because he knew that God is the source of all there is and that he abundantly supplied his ideas with that which was needful. Not gold in the desert, where there was nothing to buy, but water. The mind of God is logical - - it is logic - - it works in rhythm - - in cadence - - and never loses or gains in action, but is a steady perpetual motion.

"God is in his heaven - - all is well with the world." "The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand" - - "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you." Only believe, and all things are yours. "Now is the accepted time" - - right now, while you are reading this. Right now while I am writing "is the accepted time" to bring about realization, to live it, to sing it, to go about our Father's business, using his inexhaustible supply. Absence of God in our thoughts is the only thing that can keep away demonstration. Where God is, there is an abundance of all things - - he feeds us on his ideas.

You think you lack love, money, home, etc., but what you really lack is the consciousness of God. If He were dwelling in your thoughts continually these things would be added. Jesus did not worry about hotel accommodations when he went from place to place, he simply knew that "the upper chamber" was always ready for him. All things are mental before they are expressed in the material. Then speak the word out: "My word shall not return unto me void, but shall accomplish whereunto it is sent." What a wonderful command to leave with us, and he has said that "the things I do, ye shall do also - - and even greater." He spoke the word to the sea and it was calm; he spoke supply to tangible existence; he spoke health to light; and "the things I do, ye shall do also."

Wake up your realization - - make it part of your daily task to realize things for right now. Act as possessing all things. "When ye pray, believe that ye shall have these things." The Bible is vibrant with help and instructions for the NOW-ness of our lives - - constantly are we invited to live now.

Start realization to work today - - realize that you have God's love with you right now - - and as you grow from step to step you will see the "word made flesh" you will feel the thrill of this present PRESENCE. Keep saying to yourself, "Now is the accepted time - - now is the day of salvation." There is no material law that can hold you back - - the way is clear and the open door is through this consciousness of Realization.

YOUR TALENT

DID you know that you had a special something, a special, peculiar little something that made you different from the whole world? Of course you did; but you never dreamed that it would enable you to step out of the ugly grey mass of routine living and give you a little place all of your own. No, I don't mean that it would make a queen or a mighty monarch of you, but it will make you infinitely greater; and this little something that lies wrapped in the napkin of fear, and which you only visit in the very secret closet of your own imagination, is your Talent.

You've been so used to fading out of sight and being a member of those who accept all things, that you never even made an effort to see what you would really be like if you "cut loose" once and let this little seed in you take root and flower.

In your heart of hearts is written your name - - a name which is peculiar to you and which no other idea has - - and it is this name, this something, which is to be brought out, to be made great.

Mariah was from far off Russia. She worked hard in the fields with her sisters and brothers, but something kept whispering to her. Something within stirred - - it was talent which was working itself out of the napkin. It pointed the way out across the land for across the seas into a strange place that she knew not of; but a fearlessness led her on, and every day the way was made clearer, until at last she found herself in her place - - a place which was waiting for her in a land where few spoke her tongue; but that place was hers and the Talent led her to it and it was a place of growth and success, of happiness and harmony.

So within you the Talent keeps whispering and trying to edge its way out of the napkin of your fear, but you keep wrapping it tighter with new illusions and will not let it come to the light. You are afraid to do what it bids you do. "What would people say." You are overcome with the fear that other people would say things. They intimidate you into a state of "greyness" you don't dare to come out and be yourself. You coward! - - you are afraid to live your life - - the life you cherish above all things. You are scared to become great because it means work and it means hewing to the line and letting the world take care of itself. Let them talk - - their gossiping and sneers will soon be turned into hero worship. They are the "grey mass" to which you belonged and they change with the wind. Don't mind them when they say, "You cannot," or "Aren't you afraid to do that?" These very voices will be saying, "I always knew that you would make a go of it."

Here's what you need: It's more communion with God. Take Him at His word and trust Him to the last letter of His promises. He wants to bless you - to manifest Himself through you, to make your talent shine forth - - and He's the only partner you need in life's business. You need Him and you need His instructions. "Get wisdom." Wisdom comes from cutting away from the worldly things and turning your attention to Love - - childlike (not childish) and simple.

Your place is waiting for you - - it is the place of your desires, if your desires are good - - it is beckoning you, and God is willing to lead you there and to call you by the secret name which is written in the tablet of your heart.

Can't you just let go? Can't you just break away from all the old things and plunge forth guided by this Talent - - by this name - - and live your own life? By so doing you will be losing your material sense of life, and find that which is real, that which is eternal and lasting. When the material napkin which is holding your Talent from the light is taken away, then you are wrapped in the substance of Mind, which is infinite and in which you can go on unfolding, growing grander, nobler and lovelier each succeeding year.

I AM THAT WHICH I DESIRE TO BE.

DO YOU know the secret of life? Do you know the password which will open all closed doors? Do you know the thrill of real life? Would you like to feel continually as you do on some fine spring morning when the sun is just peeping through the rose and turquoise and flirting with a million diamond dewdrops?

YOU CAN.

Here is the password for you:

"I am that which I desire to be."

One moment, please. Use no headstrong, blind and stubborn will power. Use no struggling, mental gymnastics, and contort your mind by vainly declaring so many words.

LISTEN:

You remember who "I AM THAT I AM" is, don't you? It is the name of every living man. Because "I AM" has sent me. My name is "I AM." Your name is "I AM."

What did "I AM" send you here for, but to give expression to Himself; to give expression to love, beauty, holiness, harmony, happiness? Take your Bible down from the shelf and find out what the attributes of God are. They are peace, holiness, happiness, beauty.

Your means of communication with God is called prayer, and prayer is desire. Doesn't it begin to look simple? You have your "I AM" and your meaning for "desire." And since all good comes from God, who is good, then even your desires are in reality the "still small voice" seeking utterance in you - - yes, your very desires are (in reality in so far as they are good) the open lines of communication - - are the messages from God to you.

Did you ever desire to be that which you are not? Did you ever desire to be strong, well, happy and well supplied? Aren't these all good desires? Where did they come from? From the base, so-called mortal mind?

You never stopped to realize, did you, that your desires are the embryonic formations waiting to be made manifest in the flesh? "Thy will be done" - - let thyself be manifested in me.

"As a man thinketh in his heart so is he." What are you thinking? "Now are we the sons of God" - - NOW, in great glowing, vibrant letters. No matter what you were an hour or a minute or even a year ago - - "NOW are we the sons of God." NOW - - think about the present possibility of the word - - NOW.

The pattern which moulds our desires is already cast for us "Sons of God." Then desire to be what you are - - a child of the King. Are you acting to the full extent of your nobility? "Seek (in prayer desire) the Kingdom of Heaven (which is within) and all things shall be added."

"All things are yours." "You are that which you desire to be NOW."

CAMILLA

CAMILLA is not a story book character, she is not a creature manufactured to suit the issue, she is a real, live woman - - a nun, living in an old grey stone convent which is situated on a beautiful mountain which overlooks the winding Moselle River.

We met her one morning coming from the little chapel where she had been at prayer. It was a clear morning with a high blue sky, the faint perfume of wild mountain flowers and vegetation was in the air - - the year was at spring. As she stepped out into the open she seemed to fit perfectly with the setting, as if she were the personification of youth eternal. As she passed us she did not shyly cast her eyes to the ground, but looked up at us with wide blue eyes - - eyes full of lovely fearlessness, eyes full of depth and wonder; eyes of youth with the wisdom of the ages shining through them. This woman had youth in her grasp - - clear, firm, white skin with a transparency to it; lips red and full of expression - - youth was so evident that it made itself felt.

"Not a minute over eighteen," said one of us. But Camilla was a woman who would soon count her years sixty. Later in the day I talked with her, and here is how she did it.

"At twenty I found myself practically an old woman, both in mind and body. I was weary and life was more or less of a burden to me, and it was at this time I became a nun. Soon after I began to study the 'Word' it came to me that I had never really lived, that the sense of fleeting youth which I had was nothing but a shadow - - a shadow of the real youth which was eternal and everlasting. I soon realized that God could not grow old, not in the sense of decay; that nature never grew old - - she renewed herself annually - - and gradually I came to know that if God could not grow old, that Man - - His idea and image and likeness - - could not age.

"In seeking the Kingdom of Heaven first, we are told that all things shall be added to us. In seeking the Kingdom of Heaven we are seeking youth, joy, harmony, happiness. The Kingdom is not made up of aged persons, it is vibrant with youth eternal; and finally I began to realize that I was a part of the Kingdom of Heaven and that in reality I was only seeking my true self.

"'Seek and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you; ask and ye shall receive,' so I went forth seeking the real life. As God was everywhere present I found Him expressed in all nature. I found Him expressed in His universe - - and I was of His universe, in fact I was a part of it - - not apart from it. Just like the lovely force which impelled the rose to cover her vines with snowy white blossoms, I found that power growing and growing in me, swelling up in me, until one day I felt the complete thrill - - the 'Divine spark' - - which awakened in me and made me feel this rejuvenation taking place. God is everywhere and He is life eternal and youth eternal. If He is eternal youth and is everywhere I could literally bathe in youth. Not only that, but I felt I was a part of the whole scheme and drew my life, my vitality, my youth, from the same source which impelled the whole plan. Yonder on the mountain the grey mist hovered and swayed over the crest, the sun plunged through it and then the blue patch showed in the distance. The heather on the foothills was like a flash of purple, the white hawthorn tree glistened in the warm sun, and I a part of it all, vibrated with youth eternal."

"I learned to love it all - - love the whole plan like one loves the members of his own household - - nothing was unlovely when viewed rightly and everything yielded to the touch of it gentleness - - the touch of love. If it rained I went about my duties with a feeling that everything was being purified - - that everything was being filled full of purity - - and I too drank deeply of purity. If the sun poured down upon me, I felt it making a halo about me of pure gold - - gold that would endure. I felt it sifted joy all about me and filled the throats of the birds with glorious notes, and so I sang and thrilled for life. If the wind blew and raged about, I was happy yet in the thought that things were being changed about. This was a readjustment; old dead leaves were caught up and carried off - - dust was moved from secluded corners - - readjustment was taking place - - and so I felt the readjustment enter me - - the power to say, 'Not mine - - but thine be done.' In winter when the snow fell I knew that everything in this universe was busily engaged working and studying, unfolding and getting ready for greater growth.

And so I learned from the weather that after all it was but for a lesson to us - - that we should rejoice regardless what the manifestation was. Further I began to realize that not only was I seeking youth, happiness, harmony, but that I was youth, happiness, harmony."

* * * * * * * * *

Just then a band of happy youngsters came running up the hill and caught Camilla in their arms - - grabbing onto her long black skirts - - youth had sought youth and found it and bore her off down into the flower - - dotted valley. Camilla was sixty - - the world called her sixteen.

Before the Sandman Comes

DID you ever invite the Sandman over to see you and have him turn you down? Or have you ever waked up in the night and found that half a dozen long, never-ending, black hours were awaiting you before morning would come? I know you have, and I know that sometimes you have tried that old trick of self-hypnotism of counting the sheep as they went over the fence and found that it, too, failed; and at last in sheer despair you have tossed and tumbled about and mentally flayed yourself into a state of absolute fatigue. Did you know that there was a sure and direct way leading into Slumberland? - - so easy to travel, so inviting and interesting; strewn along the way with drowsy, nodding poppies and heavy-scented white lilies, and ever so often a nodding little sleepy-head child and cuddled up so comfy and securely in its mother's arms, and presently such a happy, snuggly feeling comes to you that you let go and tumble off the cliff of dreams into the land of forgetfulness. Let me show you that road.

When you wake, always remember that "I shall be satisfied when I awake in Thy likeness," and what is that likeness? One of its attributes is "Love," so we will start with that. "When I awake in Thy (Love's) likeness I shall be satisfied." You are already awake in an atmosphere of Love, for "In Him you live and move and have your being." Now the way to bring this Love into your mind is to put it into use - - start loving - - and to do this you begin forgiving. Forgive Mr. X - - that little resentment which you hold against him, and Mrs. Blank the hurt that you received from her words. Take them by the hand and lead them out "Through green pastures" and "Beside still waters." Say to them, "I forgive you; I have nothing in my heart against you - - nothing in my heart against anybody, for I love the whole world." Such a feeling will come to you - - such a contented, peaceful feeling, and you will be all aglow with the flame of real Love; and finally, as you go on your way forgiving you will come to your own poor self standing there - - that poor old dear which you have so hatefully accused of all sorts of wrongs, of sickness, sin and death. You have fastened all these things on it, and it needs to be forgiven, too. "Neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more." Now you have loosed everything, even your own self, and no wonder you lie there and radiate and radiate love.

And at last as you ponder on the wonders of Love and the thrill of forgiveness, you will feel the soft feathers of His wings folding about you. They will hover over you and the "Everlasting arms" with your head snugly nestled against your Father's breast you will be borne off into that haven of rest - - and shall arise therefrom, glowing with newness of life and purpose.   And so the next time the Sandman won't come to see you, you try this plan of forgiving the whole world and see if a sweeter sense of peace does not come to you than you have ever experienced before. A tired and wornout soldier boy tried this on dark night when it seemed that the enemy was pretty thick and that they were pretty near and were doing their best to keep him awake, but when he walked with them through green pastures and beside still waters, and when he "anointed their heads with the oil of forgiveness," the noise, and the unrest and fear all faded away and he went over the cliff of dreamland.

My Cup Runneth Over

THOU anoint'st my head with oil, my cup runneth over," sang the psalmist. The cup of our desire is to be filled with joy - - not only filled, but filled to running over. The cup of our desire is a complete willingness to let God enter your life and there have full sway. "The Lord is in His holy temple, let all the earth rejoice." And then we read that the temple is the body. Now the Lord is in the midst of us - - He is in our very midst and is filling the cup of our desire to the brim and running it over.

Like the mountain spring rushes, gushes down the mountain sides, fills the basin full - - yes, full to overflowing - - and the surplus waters the valley beneath, so God is filling our hearts with the spontaneous, live-giving joy which, when we let it run over on all sides, blesses and heals all who come in contact with it. It's an impersonal matter - - you let your cup be so full of joy and take no thought where it is going to run-over - - everything in the universe thrives on joy. Even your dog knows when the joy is running over, because you meet him with a dash, with a snap, and responds with the same joy; your best friend responds immediately to your joy, he slaps you on the back or puts his arm over your shoulder; he is happy to see you, to bask for a while in your joy. The child in the street greets you with the smile you give it. The man in the street feels helped by your joy. Let your joy be so spontaneous, let if flow; let it burst up in the midst of a desert of gloom and see its oily, soothing effect on the crowd.

You have a reason to be happy - - there is a reason of the faith which is within you. Floodtides of love are open to you, and constantly flowing to you, and you are but the channel, open and free for it to pass through. Then relax, let go of the stiff formal life where you are always under a mask, afraid of public opinion, afraid that something will happen if you let yourself be natural. Sure something will happen, and that something is that you will find yourself a new creature in Christ Jesus - - the new mind will be in you - - the new name will be written upon your forehead and ye shall be called blessed.

Hatred cannot stand the power of joy; a joyful man can outwit and overcome it at every turn in the road; anger is turned aside by joy; sin is blasted and withered in the presence of this holy substance, for it finds not its pleasure in the senses, but in right doing, in clear thinking and in purity. Real joy is born of purity - - its motive power is right doing - - it glories in the fact that it is reflecting the "Word" - - that it is in reality "The Word made flesh." It goes about its work singing not a foolish little ditty, but a lofty psalm of praise which is more felt than heard.

So in the morning, when you turn over for that last forty winks, just have a little talk with your "friend" self and decide to begin the day with joy. See if you cannot get that full-to-overflowing feeling in your heart - - let it gush up in you, that great feeling that "I am one with God" - - I am one with the very source of joy. I can go about my work with the real song on my lips and in my heart. I will flood everywhere that I go with light and joy, like the sun floods the earth. "Still, still with thee when purple morning breaketh" - - always with God. No matter where you make your bed, you turn hell into heaven because you know "if I make my bed in hell thou art there," and where God is, is heaven.

He has anointed your head with oil - - your cup runneth over with joy - - you are joy. Then go forth and give to the starving world - - fill all their vessels full of the blessed substance.

The Other Fellow

"I CAN'T help it," said the young student with a bitter wave of self-pity, "while I want to do the right thing the other fellow always wants to do the wrong. While I wouldn't deal unjustly with anyone, knowingly, yet the other fellow seems to take a keen pride in 'getting by' with all sorts of injustices."

Did you ever come to this place? Did you ever seem to stand in this fellow's shoes: that while you loved, you believed that the other fellow hated? That, while you lived in accordance with your highest knowledge of Truth, you manifested all sorts of ailments, while the other fellow went gaily along with perfect health? That while you studied and prayed to be Christlike, you believed that the other fellow derived all the benefits - - that he received the things you wanted and needed?

Of course you have; and you have also believed that while you were more or less righteous (that is, at least, you desire to be) that your path was beset with thorns, while the other fellow thread along a path of roses and 'lived by the way,' indulging in all sorts of worldly pleasures.

And then you have wondered and wondered why. And right here a great big wedge of despair would force its way into your mind and make you blue and unhappy.

Suppose two men started to build houses side by side, and one of them would drive a nail and then hurry and look around to see what the other was doing, and because he saw the other making a move which "he considered false," he would finally get so that his gaze was constantly on the other fellow, and he would whack away at his own house without looking to see where he drove his nails. True, after a time he would be able to drive a nail reasonably well without looking at it, but a good many other errors would creep into the construction while he was watching the other fellow make what he called "some mistake." At nightfall he would be not only physically fatigued, but would be a mental wreck as well, because he had spent the day assuming one of the most important duties - - and at the same time a forbidden one - - that of judging. God has lovingly relieved you of this unpleasant duty - - you don't have to judge anything or anybody, for He takes care of this and rewards accordingly. "Judge not from appearances." How often it seems that something is being entirely destroyed when only way is being made for something much more wonderful and better. The breaking of the tiny blue shell of the robin's egg does not spell disaster, as might be thought from the appearances; no, it is an evidence of greater progress. So it is with man; often the thing that is taking place in him, the development which is going on, is a tearing down, a reconstruction which seems grossest error to us.

Get real busy looking within, for there you will find the Kingdom of Heaven, and forget the other fellow in so far as criticism is concerned; put him entirely of your mind, and spend your time getting the napkin (mortal bondage) off your own talent so that it can come to light and grow.

Listen! "Ye shall be like a tree planted by the side of a river" - - a great and majestic, swaying tree - - sweeping the water's edge and touching the sky. Out yonder the mushroom may spring in prominence in a single day, while you are yet a struggling twig - - and your growth may be slow and even tiresome at times - - but when a little flurry of mortal mind takes place, when a little rain descends, the mushroom topples over and drops into the dust, and you are helped on by these storms. They strengthen you and make you cling closer to the real principle of life. After a while in your growth you sit for some sunny moment and look back and remember only faintly the little mushroom which so troubled you. Long ago it passed into oblivion - - long ago it fell into the dust, and you smile inwardly that you ever bothered to "wonder why" and be discouraged because it seemed to be getting all the benefits and you doing all the work.

You want to take with you this little word - - "Judge not from appearances." Let the other fellow develop through whatever lines that seem best for him - - you are concerned only in helping him when you can. You can let him unfold in the particular way that is best for him, for "He watching over Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps" and is the only true Judge.

A Divided Kingdom

THAT little kingdom that you call your very own - - look at it, examine into it. Is it divided? Are you of one mind and that one the mind that was also in Christ Jesus?

 Do you believe that some people love while others hate you? If you do, then your kingdom is divided. "Love and hate cannot mingle" - - there is no common basis for them to meet on, and they cannot dwell in the same kingdom without causing strife, turmoil and finally a division in the kingdom. If you endow that man with a power to hate you, what good is it for you to say to yourself, "There is naught but love?" What good for you to say, "Love is all powerful?" Your kingdom is divided and it will fall. Perhaps it will not be utterly cast down, but it will be at strife. Enemies are not for the purpose of retarding your growth, but to aid you and to cling closer and closer to this great, all absorbing Love which heals everything, even so-called hate.

Do you believe that matter is the original creator - - do you think that the original sin, which is the very foundation of the lie that life is in matter and hence creation is matter, possible? If you do your kingdom is divided, and what good is it, or what profiteth it for you to declare the nothingness of matter? Do you believe that Love is both spiritual and sensual - - and say to yourself, "Suffer it to be so now?" If you do, your kingdom is divided and will fall. It will be of little merit or profit to say there is no sin and that it has no power, while you are indulging the senses. The divided kingdom will tell its own tale when it lies in a heap in the dust.

Do you believe in sickness to the extent that certain things are more difficult than others - - that there are so-called "stubborn cases" which do not yield at once" Do you believe in this and also try to believe that God is Health and that He is ever present and that He is all powerful? Then the Divided power will finally cleave to one of your arguments and in your direst need who shall say that it will not be to the belief in stubborn cases.

Do you believe that you have to probe deep into the minds of the wayfarer and find out all his little personal secrets in order to pronounce some certain thing the cause of his trouble? This isn't love, but morbid curiosity which is hiding behind the veneer of Truth which you hold up to your patient. Soon the divided kingdom will no longer be a storehouse of the Word of God, but a storehouse or a madhouse of little petty, personal secrets about this one and that.

Your kingdom is the ever present NOW - - flowing with milk and honey, a place of light and joy - - it is the sheepfold with open doors by which all may go in and out with perfect assurance that therein they will find healing waters and green pastures of rest and strength. Set the walls of your kingdom to the line - - make its four walls true to the standard laid down in the Book. You can do this; start today by taking a positive stand for God. Build daily with words of love and light. Fill the well of your heart with love - - let it overflow so that the thirsty may drink freely. For every error which you have been telling and repeating, start a word of truth in its stead; every time you want to utter an unkind word, stop a moment and find one of your soldiers who are fighting on the side of good and send him out. Good words are the soldiers who are fighting on the side of right, and bad words the soldiers of darkness. When you bring out a whole battalion of these wicked soldiers and turn them loose in your attempt to picture your brother, you are throwing all your weight in the balance of evil. Words are the expression of thoughts - - so many bad words represent so many bad thoughts and vice versa.

If you will try for a single day to use nothing but good soldiers - - don't even allow a bad soldier to show himself, let alone be used - - you will find that by noon of the first day you will have won a victory that you never dreamed of. Keep firing away with good words at the objective you wish to win and it will soon be yours. Don't repeat error of any sort, don't even say the words, and finally good words with their subsequent good deeds and results will be the rule instead of the exception in your life, and wonderful discoveries will come to you and with it a great, grand feeling of a kingdom which is whole - - a kingdom which is not divided and which will stand.

Let There Be Light

THE troop train jogged along at a disgustingly slow gait, stopping at intervals and making long, tiresome waits. Night finally came on and darkness hovered about like a heavy black mantle. There was a period of quiet. Finally at the far end of the boxcar a soldier found a stub of a candle in his kit, and lit it. "Oh, light," was the murmur that went around the crowd, and then a mad scramble ensued to get near it. Some to read, others to sit in it, and others to get a view of it - - but one thing for sure - - all were seeking it. The light "drew all men unto it."

And so is it with the waiting world - - they are all hungry for light. They have lived in the dark, damp cave of mortal reasoning long enough and are groping for the sunlight of truth. Darkness and ignorance go hand in hand, and with them sin and death - - they are of one and the same fabric. In the darkened cloisters of an old cathedral you will find the faithful praying a prayer of ignorance - - a prayer of beseeching and begging instead of "realization" - - "All things are yours," "All that the Father has is thine." Come out into the light of understanding an acknowledge that which is already yours - - or thrill with the joy of gratitude.

No wonder the Master said, "Let there be light." When he said "Let" he did not mean that we were to stay on bended knees for hours begging light. "Let" in this sense means "permit or allow." Then He said, "Let your light shine before men." You have a light all of your own - - it is individuality of you, it is the you of you - - and this light is the Light of Love - - which is filtered through your mind and which is reflected by you - - which you let loose through the channel provided. Did you know that you were a "Keeper of Light?" a "Keeper" not in the sense of hoarding up light - - for such a thing were impossible - - but a keeper as the "Keeper of Light" in the lighthouse tower. You have but to keep your mind open and free from worldly darkness to keep the lenses of your mind polished and shining - - to give forth this light so abundantly that "All men shall be drawn unto you." I care not what your business may be, if you bring "Light" into it you will "Draw all men unto you" - - you will draw all success and happiness unto it. For the darkened world is searching for a gleam of light and will find you no matter what your location or how far you may seem removed from the rest of the world. "Ye are the light of the world" - - the light which is within the tower on the hill cannot be hid - - neither can your light be obscured.

Did you know that with that simple yet majestic command, "Let there be light," you have the "open sesame" to all material problems? That all doors are opened before it, and no complication of mortal reasoning or doings can withstand the potency of it! When the day is breaking what a wonderful prayer to say in your heart of hearts: "Let there be light" to guide me through this day. What a wonderful day of light would be yours; it would come flooding and streaming in on you as you went your way, until men would recognize you as a "Keeper of the Light" and would come to you to seek the light on their problems. "Let there be light" may be just the thing - - just the prayer - - that you need to break the ice of materialism and free the imprisoned river of your activity.

If your mind is full of light, then no darkness can enter there - - no ignorance, sin or death - - for Light and Life are one and eternal. Let a soft, white glowing light of Truth accompany you, be a part of your speech and a part of your life - - let it enfold you like a mantle "white and glistening." Jesus did this, and those who came within reach of Him were healed by the light.

Light shining on the darkness of earth draws from it the secret of the flowers - - draws from the dead, dense mentality the flowers of hope, fruits of use and trees of strength. So turn your light inward sometimes and let is shine on the darkened corridors of your mind. Make a lighthouse of your darkened chambers - - fill them with praise - - put on garments of light. "Arise and shine for thy light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon thee." "Let your light shine before men." Only, I say, "Let." "Be still" and let. "Ye are the light of the world - - a light that is set upon a hill cannot be hid." 

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