#god knows how many drafts i am from the 'end' but i am a hell of a lot closer than i was two drafts ago lol !

[hideyseek]

bravely did my writing for today ... time to eat five million bowls of butter chicken :3

[farfromstrange]

happy early birthday Lizzi!

Can I get a bouquet of hyacinths? <3

What's your favorite chapter from the show and why?

And could you tell us a little bit more about your writing process? I really love your writing style and the way you portray Matt.

Thank you so much, nonnie!

You ask and you shall receive.

I’m a Season 3 girlie through and through! Matt’s crisis of faith, the grief of getting Elektra back—and he did love her in a way he never loved anyone before—just to lose her again, not to speak of how well Charlie portrayed the depression aspects of it all, it’s just peak cinema for me.

I relate to Matt in so many ways. Being beaten down (metaphorically), feeling detached from myself and just… struggling, if you know what I mean. Matt, too, was broken in S3 and had to claw his way out of that hole just to get his life back. Get his friends back. The friends he thought he’d already lost. Because he pushed them away and continued to push them away until the very end. He had to walk through hell to find back to himself—yes, his own behavior is also a reason for why some of the shit that happened actually happened, but to me, it just shows how human he is. And after the last episode, I like to think he finally reached a stage of acceptance. As much as I love seeing that dark and broody side of him, I also just want this man to be happy.

As for my writing process, I had to really think about that one. I’m not really a planner, to be honest. Or, I like to write things down but most of my stories take a form of their own once I actually start writing, and then I just roll with it.

My thought process with my shorter fics is almost always ‘Oh, I have an idea! Let me write an awful first draft and then edit the shit out of it!’ It’s either that or I end up posting the first draft and let Tumblr decide if they like it or not. I also like to write while watching Daredevil (I pick the season by the version of Matt I’m imagining).

For my longer fics, however, like Do No Harm and Foreigner’s God, I plan. Like, a lot. When I first started writing Foreigner’s God, I didn’t plan a thing (and I personally think that’s noticeable), but now I’m actually putting in the time and work to build a series that makes sense. The same goes for every other ongoing work I have; if it takes a long time, I’m planning, and since I can’t always plan ahead, I sometimes take a break from certain works to get the story straight in my head.

With Do No Harm I had Olivia’s entire backstory planned before I even started writing. That’s the first fic I really planned out from top to bottom. I wrote down even the smallest plot points I could think of and started planning the chapters accordingly. I also take notes on the episodes I’m watching to make sure I stick to my timeline while still defying the canon.

What I also do before writing is create a Pinterest board and a Spotify playlist to listen to while I plan and write. The aesthetic I pick sets the tone. Like angst, fluff, or smut, you name it. The songs I listen to help me get into the heads of my characters. It helps me build their personalities. Using other forms of art like music or looking at photographs is actually a great way to get inspiration.

Names and stuff like that are all the product of hours spent on baby name websites and me trying to get rid of the ads trying to sell me baby stuff because Google’s convinced I’m pregnant, but that again is restricted to my longer fics. One Shots don’t require that much research, just all of my focus to get the point across without getting carried away. Like descriptive writing and dialogue and adding plot without being too overbearing, depending on the word count I have in mind.

And then I just continue to dissociate and live out the scenes I want to write instead of actually writing them until I finally manage to put down a coherent sentence. That’s about it.

Anyway. That was fun. And a lot.

Nonnie, yours is the only hyacinth bouquet I received and I am so happy you chose to request that. Thank you 🤍

[29daffodils]

mini review : the heart killers

so, THK is finally over.

I was hoping to not see more fighting in the tags, but it's the usual. this time I can't even blame anyone lol. but all that aside, it was a pretty enjoyable show. I was kinda expecting the end to be botched (at this point I have watched 3 of JoJo's works and all of them have followed a similar pattern). I remember reading somewhere (either here or on bsky) that jojo is not the best storyteller. and tbh, I agree. i love his direction, how the scenes are shot, how the characters are written, all that,, but as i've already said in previous posts, he has a flair for dramatics and loves them. I love him, so I guess I just gotta roll with it now lmao. in not so many words, I was talking to a friend, and said, THK feels like a fanfic with all the fun tropes in there except nobody edited the final draft. I believe that there should be criticism where it's due : this is a full on officially produced body of work that most of us are paying for in some way or the other. so I think some criticism (politely worded, thank you) is justified. so, don't fight now.

I loved the acting and the cinematography, all the shots were very well done. I am still sad there was the fucking greenscreen but I guess you can't have the budget to go to Iceland for a shoot right? haha. but I guess that's okay. i've watched FKT in a couple of their shows now and their acting has definitely improved. moreover, I am very happy with first's singing progress. I was always waiting for him to sing a ballad or something like that, slow and moody. but he really went out and did it. I'm not familiar with JD so this was my first time watching them (I have only just started watching BLs lmao, don't come at me, give me recs if you have any though). I am absolutely in love with joong's acting. he was gorgeous as fadel and did such a great job. dunk was fantastic as style, though I feel he was a little.... stiff?? sometimes. but that's alright. I dunno the guy but like everything else, there's always room for improvement.

I loveeeeed the OSTs but I surprisingly liked khaotung's song the least for once. I don't even know why. I always have his songs on repeat and I was kinda expecting something similarly catchy as let's try and while destroy love is catchy indeed, it just didn't float my boat. my favourite, unsurprisingly, was joong's hurt me please. brother can sing and my god do I love that song. from the lyrics to the music and his voice. everything is perfect. first's song is the one i've been humming the most because... well, that's my guy, ofc I'm a little biased. it's good, it's fun, it's nice on the ears. fast love is great too but I mostly keep just humming the chorus and nothing else because it doesn't resonate with me as much, compared to “my fuel” or “hurt me please”.

overall, this was a pretty fun little show. rom-com aspects were there, it was outrageously funny and gorgeously charming, to the point I found myself grinning like a loon at times. I am not judging it too harshly because of how it was marketed. I think romcoms are wildly theatrical and dramatic and sometimes you have to put your brain on the side for a breather. could the story have been executed better? hell yeah. but that doesn't mean it was entirely horrible. like everything else, I will come back to re-watch parts of it while skipping through (eg : moonlight chicken — and I think that's the most perfect show gmmtv has). i'll miss gossiping with friends and writing meta (hell maybe i'll get to meta writing when I re-watch, who knows, that's how I usually work). but all that aside, good times. this was the first show i followed while it was airing (and i've learned my lesson : i will go back to binge watching again because my short attention span spoiled half the fun for this one anyway).

now then, with all that said, see you next time with cat for cash!

[paladin-of-nerd-fandom65]

'Who am I to Complain?'

As part of my own contribution to this year's first day of Spring 2024, aka the in universe birthday of one Richard John Grayson-Wayne, the First Robin and the crime fighter known as Nightwing, I would like this opportunity finally....FINALLY...posting up for you all a fic that's been in my drafts for pretty much the better part of any entire year. Originally meant on being released last Christmas, various forms of delay, writer's block and other general distractions have prevented me from finally finishing such a project. Well finally after such anticipation at least on my end, I have managed creating a final form for this story I think can satisfy.

For very quick context, this story is a component of my long running idea proposing and lore building of my own version of the DC Comics Universe. In particular, it takes within the long storyline both @thattimdrakeguy and I have crafted for the better part of two years, the first part being involved within the hypothetical Nightwing solo book, 'Clipped Wings' and its follow up crossover with Detective Comics proper, "Blue Hawk Down'. For more information regarding the general summaries of events, check out the links here and here.

I shall like to dedicate this story to my mutuals and friends @adalineozie @meara-eldestofthemall @nightglider124 @faesystem @confusedhummingbird @spider-jaysart @mothnem @lightdusk96 @camo-wolf @sbd-laytall @theredheaded-stuff @celaenaeiln @starlightbelle @shootingstarssel @avaraydrake @pin-crusher2000 @sillymanwithocs @batboyblog @bluegarners @tarisilmarwen @orange-s-mario @altinyns-multimedia-museblog @katmaatui and so many others

Constructive Criticisms are Generally Welcome; Replies and Especially Reblogs are greatly appreciated

The Following May Contain Graphic Scenes of Violence, References to Sexual Assault and other themes not suitable for a Young Audience. Viewer Discretion is Heavily Advised

As per usual, All Rights and Copyrights to Characters and Concepts seen in this work are owned by DC Comics, Inc, a subsidiary of DC Entertaiment and Warner Bros. Discovery

With all that....Happy Birthday Dick Grayson....Here's my gift of Grade A angst for you

Sigh. Cough Cough

Look at yourself. Just Honest to God, Dick, just look at yourself.

Take a good look at those cuts, that blood all over your ugly as hell face, that blood pouring out of your stupid, big fat hole you call a mouth. You wanna know who’s Goddamn fault it was for all this? You wanna know who's responsible for you being more pathetic and a freak than you already are? Cough Cough

You.

Don’t try to deny it. Why should you? 

After all, you allowed this to happen to you, right? Not just with what happened tonight but over these last few weeks. You know what I’m talking about. Losing your home and failing to find out how despite insisting you paid for it. What will Kory Cough say now when she comes back and sees that home you wanted to allow her into isn’t even yours anymore? What kind of fiance are you to allow that? 

  Why stop there? Here you are, without any place to call a house, your face gushing and oozing red as it had been lately, broke, nobody likes you, not a single damn soul cares about you. You wanna know who’s fault it is? Yours. In fact, as you right now are flinging that bottle of peroxide into your ugly face and stinging from it as you deserve, how about we explore what even happened tonight that led to this, shall we? 

  I think I should…Cough

 Three Hours Earlier….

 BAM 

“Ack!” 

“Tell Us Goddamnit, You Blue Wearing Cunt!!” 

As if I would. How do I tell these bastards where the hell Bruce is if I wasn’t even able to speak to him for weeks by now? 

I know what you’re thinking, ‘but are you his…’

Stop right there right now. If you’re gonna pull that whole ‘you’re his son’  bullshit on me, for one thing, at the very most I was adopted, I ain’t his real kid. I never deserved being his real kid at all given who we are. Another thing too; if he were to come to my help, he would’ve done so about…God knows how many times by now lately. I would handle it anyways, what kind of person needs any sort of father or even friends when it was their own damn fault they wound up taking two  bullets to the hamstrings? 

Why yes, that’s what I’m going through and yes it was my Goddamn fault being this utterly stupid and an utter embarrassment with my training for getting caught by those sickos like I was. Now you are thinking, everyone has an off day and…

BAM BAM BAM BAM 

Crap! Two on the calves and two more on my hamstrings, I can tell. 

“Motherfucker….” Damn it all they weren’t supposed to hear that. Great, now they laugh at it. 

The hell’s wrong with me? There’s no time to let them know what’s going with my nerves acting up. 

“You know, guys” (Cough) Keep it in, Grayson! You got something to say these assholes need to hear Damnit! “ You’re getting absolutely nowhere right now. If I knew where Batman was, I still wouldn’t tell you. So what the hell makes you think I do then after an hour and…” 

“Shut the fuck up, Birdfreak!” 

BAM

A kick right to my face? Yeah, another in my long line of failures and that one was justified; I should’ve seen that one coming. Hey, compared to the bullet holes though, it’s nothing really. Besides why even be hurt by that when I have this lowlife staring directly at my ugly mug of a face right now? 

“You know him, more than us here! You have to know where he went! We got a sweet little gig here and I ain’t rushing to see that pointy eared son of a dick trying to ruin it! ‘Sides, you’re in our hands now, so you see; once we’re all done here one way or another, we can get that dough from the cops since they’re looking for you more than us! Now you tell us if he knows about this place and if he’s coming, will ya?! We ain’t got all night and I’m missing my game!” 

Sweet little gig? As in the child trafficking operation they got here right now? Some of those children right behind me behind a cage like animals, forced to see me pinned on my torso and face, taking crap in many ways from them? They call that ‘sweet’ in mine and their faces?! 

“You calling that a game? Selling kids to sexual slavery? I really hate to see what’ll be your idea for a movie if that’s what you.re saying” That quip, I couldn’t help, it was damn true and these creeps needed to hear that. It was about as much a fact as Bruce hates me right now and rightfully so. 

Yet all they do is laugh even harder than before. They’re really….really starting to get on my nerves. 

Their ringleader grins ever so much in my face. His disgusting and unbearable cigarette smoke billows in my face. “So what?”  

So what? So what?? Is that really your best retort to me? It’s unbelievable, just what kind of devils and evils dwell in this city. But it’s evil I hunt for every single night. No one around me sees what I have to or does what I do around these parts. Not Bruce, not Tim, not Kory, no Donna….no one. On that note,  no one should have to. Maybe it’s my failure to stop evil like this and everything I do, everything so wrong and never good enough, that’s why I’m certain Bruce decided just to cut me off. 

No job, no place I can call a house or a home to stay in, no money, no spare clothes, no answering my calls, nothing. It’s been about three months of this so far, a three month test to see if I break if I had nothing, only for the big bad bat wanting me to literally cry my way back home to him. You know what? Screw you too, Bruce. Or whoever was doing all this. I know that, even for you Bruce, ins outs of everything, even you normally won’t stoop this low. It’s not just nothing I’ve been trying to figure out suggests otherwise. Maybe it’s just this….paranoia….no I can’t be paranoid. What’s happening is real and I need to deal with it and…

“Hey Cockscuker, you listening to me??” 

Oh right, this asshole. 

Looking at him, I can’t help myself but make my eyes go towards his own. What does he think would work now to make me talk? 

In his hands was some sort of object. It looks bladed, I can tell based on the glistening of the steel coming from the moonlight coming in through the window. Once he gets a bit closer, I see it now….oh of course….a damn pizza cutter. Oh and just my luck too, in his other hand is a goddamn cheese grater. I guess either this warehouse is for kitchen  tools or just my karma telling me how much I fucking suck and rightfully so again. Maybe the latter. 

The asshole only grins at me. “Okay then, maybe some…slices can get ya to talk. What do you say?” 

I take a deep breath and brace my teeth within my mouth. No use crying out, screaming or any of that weakness than I already showed earlier . This frankly I deserve, and come on. 

I’ve taken a few swings from a baseball bat from Two Face, got injected with Slade’s nanoscopic probes that were shredding my cells inside and out, got blasted by an alternate Luthor, forcibly swallowed a heart paralyzing pill by Slade and the actual Luthor (that bald cunt)….and now just a circular blade and a metal sheet with blades on it on my forehead and face?

Seems fitting enough to take; whatever I’ve done and didn’t do in my vow to protect the innocent and never strive off the path of justice, being a terrible friend, never good enough for Batman as I had always been, letting the only two people that actually had any right to care for me fall to the sandy and hard floor, shattering almost every bone in their bodies when I had only one job to do which was catch them….yeah this is appropriate. This is exactly what I deserve after all of that. Losing my home, my job, and my means to do basically anything for myself, I deserve that.

Who am I to complain, really? 

  Back at the Present Day….

   Sssszzzz….

“Ah Fuck!” 

Peroxide…it never fails to emit any sort of sting on any sort of cut, don’t it, Dick? 

Oh but you gonna start cussing and feeling it now? What the hell’s wrong with you? You can’t handle just a tiny sting of this shit without any yells? 

Suck it up, will ya? You’re acting like a spoiled brat. 

Who are you to complain about really?

Oh and by the way, there goes the last of our Peroxide, just circling down this old bathroom sink drain into God knows sewer pipes along with the blood it splashed off. You're gonna have to fetch some more, Dick. It’s not like Bruce is gonna get us anymore. 

Fuck Him. 

We’ve been putting up with his shit every since we lost are damn place to stay in, then our jobs all over this city, villain after villain breaking out, us being blamed for the Mayor, his wife and girl getting ripped to shreds and blood all over one day with one of your Wingdings, making you hunted down from pretty much everyone (for what only $1.5 Billion Alive? Oh c’mon that's too generous of a bounty for you. I’d put myself at about only 25 cents given your piss poor track record); You know for sure Bruce did all this, all behind the scenes, pulling every string he can to get us like this. 

 And why? Letting him know that you can take care of ourselves that one time and him being this offended by it? Well, fuck it, You’ve been showing him alright! Things are shittybut maybe that’s just how he likes it for you. Nothing gonna change that anytime soon; might as well make it the best for you, because it’s all you can do by now. 

  So now, no shoes, no fucking good socks at all, only one pair of torn sweats, that black tee, suit and toothbrush in your bag, here in this damn blizzard….every breathe getting…heavier….kinda….getting hard to stay awa…Cough Cough Cough

  Hey! Cut it out, Dickface! Cough Keep going at least somewhere! Anywhere out of this snow…so much of it….Wait, that spot there, in this alley. That’ll work for now. 

You hear that, laying on this backpack now….yeah this’ll work….at least not being out in that wind, though…..so much snow….it’s everywhere. It’s been everywhere these last few days. Fitting really, since well you do hear that right?

  C’mon pick it up, Dick, your ears can’t be that piss poor 

Cough

  “May I, as your new Mayor, wish us all in this dear Bludhaven…..”

   Yeah, there it is…..old Mafia boss now politician giving his speech for what today is. 

    “A Good…Merry ... .Christmas…!” 

   Okay, you get the idea. At least that’s one thing you got right….

   Getting sleepy now….

…...pretty cold…..tomorrow might be better….

But at least that’s one thing, Dick….

…this damn city….all of its people….they got a good Christmas….

Gotta close your eyes now…..

Wait….that the Redbird….isn't that….can’t be Timmy…..

Cough Cough

 Heh…looks like he tripped…Not real though….can’t be…..Bruce doesn’t care….you don’t need him…..but yeah….need rest…..you gave them a good Christmas 

Who…am….I….to….Cough…..Complain?

[draculasfavoritewife]

Miguel O'Hara x Reader Headcanons

Summary: How you and Miguel found yourselves in a situationship of sorts.

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x fem!Spider!Reader

Warnings: Miguel gets angry when he's worried (it's a canon event guys). A very sultry kiss and implied smut towards the end. Me using far too many of the adjectives at my disposal just to describe this man and all the things he makes me feel.

I went and saw Across the Spiderverse TWICE in a week while it was in my hometown, and immediately started drafting fic for this goddamn gorgeous problem of a man 🔥 He just gave me too much to work with and I may or may not have spent entire months watching every single compilation I could find for "scientific inspiration". For my headcanon purposes, reader is a spider-hero as well, but I left her pretty vague on purpose -- feel free to fill in her costume/powers/skill set with your own spidersona :)

*Spanish translations at the end! (I am fairly bilingual, but if I made a lil mistake here or there do forgive me)

• He would say he had no idea when or how it started -- you, on the other hand, were taken by him from the first time he gave you his whole "canon" spiel.

• How could you not be? He towered above you, body chiseled like a Greek God, angular face equal parts weary and arrogant.

• And that voice -- rich and smooth as a silky black coffee -- it would be safe to say you were pretty smitten right away.

• To his surprise, you worked your way into his inner circle fairly quickly for a new recruit. Although you definitely had your own opinions, you knew when and how to push his boundaries and when he wasn't in the mood for it.

• Soon he trusted you to handle yourself with minimal supervision from him -- and maybe that trust was the beginnings of it for him. Because even though he recognized your competence, he still found himself continually assigning you to his personal strike squad, not to look after you, but because you somehow didn't annoy the hell out of him.

• Which comes in handy for everyone else after a while, because soon that translates over to you soothing the proverbial beast when he's biting the heads off of the more sensitive Spiders.

"How could you be so STUPID -- !"

"Okay, Miguel, I think they got the point."

"But they -- !"

"I know. They know. It's okay, let's all just take a breath."

"¡Ay coño! Nadie me oye. Todos son idiotas."

But he does back off, and does take a breath, and everyone else stares at you like you're the second coming of Christ.

• Your fascination and admiration for the intense head of the Society soon turns to a genuine enjoyment of his company. He's not much of a conversationalist, but you're okay with silence, and sometimes you just...end up keeping him company in the monitor tower after missions and he just...lets you.

• You soon notice the ungodly hours he keeps and start leaving him an empanada and a black coffee at the end of the day when you leave -- you know how dangerous he gets when hangry and undercaffeinated.

• It's a bit strange for him at first (someone is actually choosing his company over the bombastic personalities of the other spiders?) but Miguel soon gets used to you hanging around, and the hairs on the back of his neck finally stop bristling at having a fellow person in the room.

• One thing he absolutely can't figure out is why the scent of fear never radiates from you, even when you witness his occasional equipment-trashing tantrums. But he somehow doesn't quite mind that he can't intimidate you.

• He would strongly deny he ever gave you favorite treatment, but some of the others do realize he's not QUITE as hard on you when you challenge his decisions.

• Sometimes you check on him late at night before you go home; you can tell when he hasn't slept in a couple days by the way his shoulders hunch and how often he pinches the bridge of his nose against an oncoming headache (though sometimes that's just from dealing with Peter (x100) for too long).

• And that turns into you staying in late to keep him company while he swipes through screens upon screens of things that require his personal attention.

• That's how you end up finally seeing the videos of him and his little girl; he probably forgot you were there and her loss hit him all over again and before he knew it you had seen what he was like once, when the lines on his handsome face were from smiling so widely instead of losing sleep over the fate of all of reality.

• Neither of you really address it for a long time, but you know, and he knows you do, and there's this weird comfort that settles between the two of you after that.

• He already knows your story of course, and your canon events, but when the pair of you finally start talking during those late nights you share the little details, and you have the feeling that he wants to care about the small things, he just can't with the much larger picture he has to handle.

• It's little things that make it past his unbreakable outer walls -- the fleeting brush of your hand across his back as you pass behind him, the way you can hold eye contact with him longer than anyone else, the seemingly flippant way you blow him a kiss every so often when he sends you off to go make yourself useful elsewhere. Casual things, but he notices.

• And you want to tell him you're in love with him, but have a feeling he doesn't want to hear those words, because once they're out in the air, it means you both can't sidestep it anymore, so you don't.

• After a particularly rough mission, he's angry and you're shaken up, and he doesn't mean to react the way he does, but he takes it out on you, scolding you for what almost happened, and you fire right back because you're emotional, and the two of you end up raising your voices and everyone else just kind of...leaves the room.

• Then silence.

• You and Miguel are breathing hard, staring at each other. And something fragile takes root in the empty space between you.

• "Could you do me a favor and maybe not get yourself shocking killed?!" he growls at last, and there's a raw edge to it you haven't heard before.

• You laugh brokenly. "What do you really care, O'Hara? There's literally hundreds of Spiders here; I think you'd be okay."

• "¡Coño! How can you be so blind?!" He's snarling now, full lips pulled back and sharp teeth on display. "I thought we were on the same page for once."

• You're totally unprepared for when he grabs your shoulders and forces you to look up, right at him. "I can't lose someone else."

• He's so close, and his angry mouth has softened. And maybe you've lost your mind, but he's already angry, so what do you have to lose, really? At least that's what you tell yourself as you take the plunge and lean in.

• And to your surprise, he not only meets your lips, he kisses you back with matching fire, and what was supposed to be a simple, singular impulse turns into an unexpectedly heavy ongoing process -- fingers raking through hair, bodies pressing together, hotly whispering things neither of you remembers.

• And then as quickly as it happened, it's over, and you're on opposite sides of the room again like sulking cats, and he sends you home.

• You don't talk about the incident for weeks. Life goes on.

• But then one night, he offers to take you home when you both stay behind late, and at your door he apologizes for his lapse in professionalism, and you admit you...didn't mind. At all. He doesn't seem in a hurry to leave, and wanting to distract him from his work for at least a little while, you invite him in.

• And somehow what was supposed to be a sweet goodbye-and-thank-you kiss a couple hours later turned into exploring touches and murmured questions and agreements and how damn good his arms feel locked around your body; and when the sun filters in through your window in the morning he's long gone but your skin still smells like him and you realize that actually happened.

• You assume it's a one-time thing. People make mistakes, after all, no hard feelings.

• Bur when Miguel holds you back after a mission several days later and wants to make absolutely sure that the other night didn't make things uncomfortable between you, you go out on a limb and admit to him that you really enjoyed it.

• And he has to take some time and process that.

• But eventually he shows up at your place late one night again, and it starts to become a bit of a regular thing. So much so that you give him the spare key to your apartment and he starts to leave some of his clothes there sometimes. You love wearing his shirts, because they're enormous as hell on you, and you sleep in his clothes whenever you can't have his skin against yours.

• (For his part, he also likes when you wear his shirts, because then your throat, shoulders, and thighs are that much easier to get at.)

• And life goes on.

¡Ay coño! = (Expletive)

Nadie me oye = No one listens to/hears me

Todos son idiotas = They're all idiots

[gracetoldmeto]

really long rant: why am i so scared of everything?

note: the rest of this post was a draft i made a few days ago, and was going to let rot forever, but today has messed me up so much i just said *why not* and posted bc idk... why not...

im not like 'BOO!!! jumpscare' scared just like... there are so many things in life that could go wrong that are entirely out of your control and theres absolutely nothing you can do about it, ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING, because shit happens and sometimes that shit is BAD and permanently fucks you over for life and thats just the way it is bc fate is a game of chance (this is my dramatic ass way of saying 'a forever change') but everyone says "oh if you cant control it then why worry?"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?

NO. THAT IS NOT THE POINT. THE POINT IS I DO WORRY.

I could die tomorrow. I could get a terminal diagnosis tomorrow. Someone (else) I love could die (again) tomorrow. Maybe my house could burn down tomorrow. Maybe in some freak accident everything I've ever known is taken from me... somehow?

can i control any of this? no.

so what do i do about it??? anything i can to minimize the fallout just in case...

bc isnt that just called RESPONSIBILITY???

ie: house fire? -> ok. insurance.

medical? -> insurance.

death? (that isnt mine) -> stable income

(note #1: this is about the point in my writing of this post where i dont even have the motivation to finish it bc i just wanna sit down and cry... but i might as well)

so OKAY, guess what? i did something about all those possibilities, so my anxiety should be relieved, right? fear gone! all okay now!

WRONG!

all that structure ive created bc its the "rEsPoNsiBLe" way to live, is a slow painful depressing death of my mental health at the hands of my job

yes, id rather gain an inch than lose a mile, small sufferings over large,

but oh my god is that all life is? small sufferings???

if i keep only suffering one inch at a time im going to end up killing myself and i dont quite think anyone truly GETS that except my therapist

this isnt like high school where i knew jack shit about mental health, i know what help is out there, whether or not it works is a totally different story

(note #2: i have looked at my options, ive read the rules, and id actually rather take my metaphorical little plastic car you get at the start of The Game of LIFE boardgame and throw it out a fucking window)

im past the point of easy help and unfortunately the conclusion i keep coming back to is a quote from a fic i wrote last year...

whatever THIS life is, regardless of how much i worked my ASS off for it, i dont want it anymore

(note #3: i dont even think id be in this spot if i didnt have shit luck)

i am equally fucked by either...

1) being responsible, financially safe, insured, but sad af at my job and actively praying something kills me in my sleep

OR

2) quitting my job with no plan and being scared that fate is gonna fuck me over for the upteenth time and this time i wont be able to bounce back or (lets be real) even have a want to (but thats a discussion for another time)

this is no way to fucking live, yet here i am

why am i scared of everything? well, yes i know WHY (bc from personal experience i know what can go wrong)

why am i scared of everything? because you cant be scared of something if you dont know it exists BUT in order to be prepared and responsible it means you have to acknowledge that YES IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU

so how the hell am i supposed to be responsible when i hate what comes with it???

"hey alex, what do you wanna be when you grow up? (1) sad or (2) scared?"

actually neither, id rather simply not exist

why am i scared of everything? because how else am i supposed to act?

why am i scared of everything? because actually, there is no answer to this... there is no reason... its just another shit thing in life that iunno how to deal with

why am i scared of everything? because the universe said so and so thats how it is

and i fucking hate it

.

...ok thats all im gonna go make a quesadilla now

[octodrawn]

Cringetober day 11: 5 + 1 things (fanfiction)

5 times Russell's hang-out plans went horribly wrong (and one time they didn't)

Or Russell Ferguson has like 5 mental health crises and breaks at least 2 laws but, hey, at least he got a pizza party

Content warning: not much, just a few swears (some in french) and as the above suggests, depictions of shitty mental health.

Rating: teen (see above)

Characters: Russell Ferguson, Pepper Clark, Sunil Nevla, Penny Ling, Minka Mark, Vinnie Terrio, Zoe Trent, and brief (implied?) cameos from Scout Kerry, Madison (girl who fills in for Blythe) and Captain Cuddles

Word count: ~3500

... is a change in section and --- is a time skip withing a section

This is technically just a rough draft so if there's anything you want to critique go ahead. I'd love to hear feedback.

OK, time for the actual fic! Yay!!!!

“Man, look at you go! And you were saying just a few hours ago that you didn’t want to go!”

Russell smiled to himself as he aligned the club and the ball “You know how busy I’ve been,” Russell said, making a graceful arc with his club as he took the shot “But, I’ve gotta admit, this is pretty fun!”

They watched the ball circle the hole before slotting in with a pleasant plunk.

“That’s par! Now, how many points am I winning by again?

“Yeah, yeah” Pepper scoffed and calculated the scores. “Hah! Don’t get too ahead of yourself, buddy. We’re tied right now!”

“So the windmill decides it all”

“Race ya!” Pepper said, already bolting for the final hole.

“Wait!” ---

“Birdie! Read it. And. Weep”

Two strokes. Pepper beat the windmill in two strokes. It didn’t help that Pepper was being such a braggart about it, but what could Russell do? How could he beat a score like that?

“You givin’ up or what?”

No. It can’t end like this. Russell would not let it.

“Like hell I am!’

All he needed was a hole-in-one. Just one shot to wipe that stupid smug grin off of Pepper’s stupid smug face.

Russell gripped the golf club, knuckles going white. One shot. Just one perfect shot. He shuffled his feet and focused on the timing. He took in a breath. One. Two. NOW

The ball exploded off the ground and flew right into the windmill’s blade, from where it ricocheted off like a bullet into…. The gift shop’s window, shattering it.

“Shit.”

“HAHAHAHAH Oh my god, oh my GOD!”

“Pepper.”

“Now I’ve seen holes in one before but that's the first time I’ve seen a hole in one WINDOW! AHAHAHA!”

“Pepper! Run!”

That’s when Pepper saw the cashier, scrambling towards them, metal golf club in hand.

“Holy moly!”

And so the two of them ran into the night.

“This means I win, right?”

“Pepper!”

…

“Here’s your wristbands. Enjoy your visit to the Downtown City Museum of Arts, sirs.”

“Yes, we will. Have a wonderful night!” Sunil said, putting on his wristband then helping Russell with his own.

“Oh! Thank you,” Russell said “Now, according to this map, the reception for the new Egyptian exhibit should be…” he examined the map that, when unfolded, took up his entire wingspan.

“That way?” Sunil pointed towards the crowd of people walking towards a door decorated to look like the entrance of an ancient tomb.

“Well, I was just about to say that, but yes,”

They entered the exhibit and Russell immediately got the sense he was underdressed for the occasion. He buttoned a few of his top buttons and tightened his tie. He looked over to his friend to inspect his outfit, but more noticeable was the fear on his face.

Russell tapped his shoulder and Sunil leaned over. “Hey. I know you don’t do well with crowds. If at any point for any reason you want to leave, just let me know, okay?” he whispered.

“Thank you, Russell, but I believe I will be fine.” Sunil replied ”as long as you stay by meeeEEE” as he was finishing his sentence, Sunil was swept away in a tour of excitable tourists.

Russell tried to follow them but he kept on getting cut off by other visitors. By the time the gallery’s curator began talking, he had completely lost sight of Sunil.

“He’ll… he’ll be fine on his own. I hope”

Russell turned his attention to the speaker to distract himself from his worrying. “And here behind this curtain, we have the pride of our collection; the Pharaoh’s eye. This gem is the only thing that remains of the death mask of a great, nearly forgotten, ruler of ancient Egypt. It has even been said that it can grant the wish of any who hold it” the curator said with a flourish “Of course, that’s just an old wives tale” she said, chuckling along with the audience.

At that time, Russell noticed a few slips of paper fall from the rafters. Confetti? No. it seemed to just be these few pieces. ‘How strange’, thought Russell. He turned back to the curator.

“And now, it’s time to reveal the Pharaoh’s eye,” the curator said gleefully and she pulled the curtain up to reveal an empty case. A wave of shocked gasps came from the crowd.

“You’ll never have the Pharaoh’s eye, Dr. Disguise!” Shouted a voice that seemed somehow familiar to Russell from above.

“Muahahaha!” Laughed the old woman standing next to Russell who pulled off her latex mask to reveal a young woman with an eyepatch and a mirthful grin “Oh, Secret Agent Scout, it’s already in my grasp! If you want it so bad, come and get it!” The woman in the rafters grabbed a hold of one of the decorative vines from the wall and swung into Dr. Disguise causing many audience members to scream and run. Scout picked up the jewel from the knocked down Dr. Disguise and ran out the door, quickly followed by the now recovered villain.

Too shocked to move, Russell was left as one of the only people in the room. He jumped when a hand grabbed his shoulder, but he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw it was just Sunil.

“You know what you said about leaving any time? I think I would like to leave now.”

“Yes, I do think that that would be for the best”

…

“39, 23, and 176, right?”

“Yes, now put the code in!”

Penny Ling stared at the treasure chest for a second, fingers hovering above the number pad.

“What’s wrong, Penny Ling?” Russell turned from the scrawlings of the ‘ancient mermaid language’ on the cave wall. In reality, they were at the newest attraction of the dying Downtown City mall, the Escape Room. This month, the Escape Room was apparently doing a shipwreck theme. Russell had been wanting to go for a while, but it was Penny who finally invited him.

“It’s just… you’re the one who did most of the work. You should do the honors”

“Penny, it doesn’t matter who does it, I just want to get this done!” When Russell saw Penny begin sniffling, he changed his tone instantly “Not that I’m not having fun! I had a blast! Here, I can do it and then we can split a giant pretzel and an overly sugary lemonade, okay?”

“That sounds like a plan,” Penny said, stepping back and rubbing her eyes.

Russell gave her a reassuring smile and squatted down to open the chest. “39, 23, and 176,” he muttered to himself as he rotated the wheels of the lock. With the final digit, there was a click. Russell put his fingers under the edge of the lid but when he tried to lift the lid, it didn’t budge. He tried again and again, but the top refused to move.

“Are you okay?”

Russell didn’t want to admit it, but he was not particularly strong. Maybe Penny would have a better chance.“Can you try to open the chest?” he asked

She does so. Nothing.

“Well,” Russell starts, feeling his heart begin to race and his jaw begin to clench “That is not good.”

“Maybe you missed a clue?” Penny suggested.

“Missed a clue? MISSED A CLUE??? Penny, enlighten me. Where, exactly, in this 10x10 ft. box could I have missed a clue?”

“Russell, you’re freaking out”

“Of course, I’m freaking out! We are trapped in this room! No way to escape! It’d be one thing if I was here alone, but you’re here too! And now we’re gonna be stuck here forever!” Russell said.

Penny pulled Russell into a hug. Normally, he’d wriggle away after a few seconds, but whenever he was stressed or tired, a hug from Penny Ling always helped. Penny guided Russell over to the captain’s quarters and they sat down. “We aren’t going to be stuck here forever. When the timer runs out, the employee will let us out again”

“Yeah, but-” Russell stopped himself. He felt like a little kid, whining because he couldn’t have what he wanted.

“Mm-hm?” Penny played with his hair as he leaned on her shoulder.

“I mean like… well… If we don’t get out soon… We won’t get the best time,” Russell felt so stupid saying it. “I-I wanted to get that gift card. I wanted to thank you for always being there for me… like you are now,”

“That doesn’t matter to me. I was just happy to be here with you. Now, let’s just rest until the time is up”

“Yeah… ”

---

“Oh…” the teenage worker of the Escape Room said, despite displaying no emotion on her face except boredom “You got tripped up at the treasure chest, too?”

“That thing is totally broken”

“You’ve gotta slide the lid, not pull it up”

“What?”

“We put a sign up and everything,” the worker said, pointing at the sign right next to the chest that did, in fact, say to slide the treasure chest lid. Penny looked at Russell, worried.

“WHAT THE FU-”

…

If you asked Russell Ferguson what his ideal Sunday plans were, he could draft up a list in a matter of minutes, sorted in alphabetical order, of course. One thing that would not be on that list, however, is sitting in the freezing office of a very angry park ranger with a pair of idiots. The only sound was the ticking of the clock echoing on the mahogany walls and tile flooring until one of them spoke up.

“Man, Rusty. I didn’t know you had it in you! I mean, you, smacking a cop? No one’s gonna believe me!” Vinnie said.

“He’s not a police officer! He’s a park ranger! A-and I didn’t smack him, he ran into my hand, while I was trying to stop YOU from fighting him!” Russell tried to defend himself. “And don’t call me Rusty. I’m mad at you right now…” he grumbled the last part as he buried his face in his hands.

Minka looked between her two friends and said “C’mon guys, you don’t need to fight!”

“We’re not!” both protested.

“I’m just trying to lighten the mood,” Vinnie scoffed

A moment of silence.

“You know, I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for you two”

“Oh, I’m sorry I wasn’t gonna let Minka get yelled at by some random guy”

“She was climbing a statue of the city’s mayor. A statue with a sign at the bottom clearly saying ‘do not climb’!” Russell exclaimed “And he’s not some ‘random guy’, he’s a park ranger who was, you know, doing his job?”

By this point, they were glaring at each other. Minka knew better than to get in their way when they reached this stage of their bickering. It had been a long day for all of them. It was almost a miracle that this was the worst thing that had happened during their little picnic. All of them had just about reached the end of their patience and Minka, despite her normal morals, was fine with the two of them taking it out on each other.

Vinnie rolled his eyes and slumped back into his chair. “You know,” Vinnie said, staring more at the mounted stag head on the wall than who he was talking to, “I don’t think you are being a very good friend right now”

“Why you!” Russell grabbed Vinnie by the collar.

“Are they yours?” a different voice echoed through the hall. 

“Zoe! And Mr. Schmitt, of course!” Russell dropped Vinnie and smiled.

Zoe pinched the bridge of her nose and said “Yes. I’m so sorry for their… misbehavior today. I am sure they didn’t mean any harm, right?” She looked at her friends.

They all shared various words of agreement.

“Well, if you say so.” Mr Schmitt said and addressed the troublemakers “look, I’m not going to report this, but if you ever do anything this stupid again, I will have you punished under the full extent of the law, am I clear?”

“Yessir!” Minka said as she saluted and skipped out of the room, followed by Vinnie and Zoe, leaving Russell behind.

“Sir, I am so incredibly sorry. It will never happen again, I swear,” Russell pleaded.

“Just leave”

“Yes, sir,” Russell said, dragging his feet as he left.

…

“I’m really sorry about yesterday,” Russell repeated himself for the 5th time that day.

“I’ve already told you, I forgive you. Besides, I have a system where each of my friends get one bail from jail free. That reminds me; Minka owes me one.” Zoe said as she got her phone out, probably to tell Minka about her debt.

“But… I feel like I should be doing something for you”

“You’re paying for dinner, isn’t that enough?” Russell opened his mouth to speak but Zoe cut him off “And I won’t have you complaining that it’s ‘not fancy enough for me,’ Any meal with my friend is one I’m happy to have”

They both set down their menus and waited for a waiter to notice them.

“Here are your drinks. Are you ready to order?”

“I’ll be having the village salad” Zoe handed the menu off to the waiter.

“And you?”

“Can I get the veggie gyro? Hold the goat cheese please” Russell did the same.

“Oh! And for appetizers, could we get two saganaki, please?”

“It will be right out”

---

They waited for a few minutes, sipping their drinks and soaking in the atmosphere.

Russell decided to break the silence “So, what is saganaki?”

“It's this delicious fried cheese dish. You will just love it!”

Russell processed for a second. “Zoe. I’m lactose intolerant.”

“Oh. Oh!” She started to get up from her chair “I’ll let the staff know to cancel that order right now,”

“No. I mean, no need. I can have a little dairy, but I’ll be fine as long as I go home like right after this because- wait actually I am not gonna finish that thought”

“Yeah”

Surprisingly, Russell’s digestive issues were not great dinner conversation so the conversation ended there.

In the quiet, Russell began remembering all of his previous outings with his friends. All of them had ended pretty disastrously. Maybe today his bad luck would end. Maybe he could just have a good meal without anything going wrong. With that, he looked up, meeting his eyes with a flame. A fire!

“Watch out!” As fast as he could, Russell threw his water at the fire. When he realized what was actually happening.

“Aah!” the waiter threw the now sizzling cast-iron pan he was holding and it fell onto his dress-choe clad foot “Merde! Putain de merde! How do you say… Motherfucking shit!” he exclaimed, hopping on one foot.

“Oh no… Oh no, oh no, oh no” Russell began to panic. “I’ve gotta get out of here. I’ll just ruin something else if I don’t” he mumbled as he pushed himself out of chair and ran out the door. Zoe looked down at the poor french waiter, and then at the door. She sighed and followed after her friend.

“I’ll be back, I promise” she said to the staff as she rushed out the door.

Russell was hopping in the front seat of his car “Don’t get close. Knowing my luck, you’re just gonna get hurt,”

“Russell. Everyone has bad days, but that’s no excuse to not own up to your mista-

“I’m going to lock myself in my house and never come out. Goodbye Zoe.”

With that, he sped off.

“Russell Ferguson! Come back here!!! Russell, you’re my ride!!!” She frantically waved at him and tried to chase him down.

As he drove further and further, Zoe stopped running. “I hope he’s not being serious,”

…

“He was being 100% serious,” Zoe explained.

“Maybe he’s just taking a five day long nap? I’ve done that before” Vinnie said, reaching for the pizza boxes.

Sunil swatted his hand away “Vinnie, that was a coma.”

“Oh, yeah that's what they called it”

“If he’s in a coma, then we really need to hurry up!” Penny said, starting to speed walk ahead of the group.

“Uh, Penny? I don’t think he’s actually in a coma,” Pepper explained.

“Then why hasn't he called me back yet?” Penny Ling turned back around to the group with misty eyes.

“Because he hates us?” Vinnie suggested, which earned him a jab in the ribs from Pepper.

Zoe shook her head and walked up the steps to Russell’s apartment building. “Would you guys please get it together? This is important,” She went to press the doorbell before being interrupted by Minka

“Oooh! Oooh! Let me do it, LET ME DO IT!!”

“It’s all yours”

And so she rang the doorbell in a way some might call excessive.

A few muffled stops and clicks came from behind the door. In the crack of the heavily latched door, there was a single, tired eye.

“You aren’t doordash.” the door began to close, but Minka put her whole weight against the door.

“Nuh-uh, Mister. You aren’t getting off the hook that easily”

“You want food? We have pizza! Sunil! Show him the pizza” Zoe hissed. Sunil did so and Russell stopped pushing on the door.

“Fine,”

After about a minute unfastening various locks, Russell held out his hands to receive the pizza, but was met by six people scurrying into his house while the door was open, knocking him over in the process.

Russell just sat there on the ground, his friends eyes staring through his skin. He didn’t want to be seen like this. His clothes were stained and ill-fitting. His eyes were red and sore from lack of sleep. He hadn't shaved in days, and worst of all, his hair was greasy and unspiked. He felt disgusting. He wanted to curl into a ball and disappear, but the best he could do was bring his knees to his chest and bury his head in his arms.

Somehow, he grumbled out some words “What are you guys even doing here”

“Russell Ferguson,” Zoe addressed him “We want to know- no we need to know, why you have been ignoring us for the last week.”

Russell looked up at the group, thought for a second, and shriveled away once more.

Penny walked closer and sat on the shag carpet right next to him. She put a gentle hand on his quaking back. “Russell, what she means is we’re worried about you! When you didn’t talk to us, we got really scared. Vinnie thought you died!”

“I didn’t think he died! I thought he was in a comma!”

“Coma.” Zoe corrected

“Whatever”

“Look, that isn’t what’s important right now” Pepper said, sitting criss-cross across from Russell. “Just let us know what’s up, and we’ll leave you alone, okay?”

The others looked at each other and joined the circle. Russell shifted his weight from side to side, but didn’t emerge from his ball.

“I… I can’t hang out with you anymore. I only cause problems. I take things too far. I’m bossy. I can’t take a joke,” his voice started to break, scratchy from no use “I’m the fucking worst. A-and I can’t understand why you don’t hate me,”

“C’mon, you know it would take a whole lot more than that to make us hate you” Minka said as she ruffled his hair.

“And you are saying this like we don’t all have our own faults! Pepper is unfunny, Zoe is totally self-absorbed, Vinnie is-” Sunil stopped when he saw the looks he was getting. He flushed and cleared his throat “I do believe I made my point,”

“Besides, I had a lot of fun hanging out with you, even if it did end with us getting chased down!” Pepper said.

“I think you should punch more cops!” Vinnie added. Pepper readied her elbow for another rib-jabbing when a quiet chuckle came from Russell. Soon it changed from a chuckle to a chortle to a full on laugh, lifting his head up to see the world again. “Hahaha! How many times are you gonna change that story! Soon I’m gonna be having a full on brawl with the police chief!”

He looked at his friends’ expressions of confusion and cheer and somehow, he began to feel more normal. “Thank you all so much, and I’m really sorry for acting the way I did-” before Russell could finish his thought he was engulfed in what could be described as half a tackle and half a group hug.

“Who’s ready for pizza?” Penny Ling asked, after a few good moments of the impromptu dogpile cuddle session.

“PIZZA!” the group collectively yelled, pushing and tripping over each other to be the first to get to the food.

Russell was left alone, brushing himself off. He looked at them all and smiled. ‘Maybe tonight won’t be so bad after all’, he thought.

The End

------

WOOOHOOO it's finished!

I know this isn't the greatest literary work of all time, but I'm proud of myself for actually completing and posting a fic for once in my life. Again, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this ^_^

[teeth-cable]

Im the CSA victim from UniformedArtists blog and I agree with you 1000% dropping everything Vivziepop.

Like I only watch Helluva even after the shit she's done to see how far it would sink but jesus christ.

You know her just saying the counselor is 18-19 isn't fucking good enough because the show says a different thing.

Like before people bring up the argument counselors can be adults... Most TV shows in media actually have minor counselors and we know Vivziepop doesn't research shit about hell or actual royalty so why the fuck am I supposed to believe Adam or her researched counselor age ranges.

Also nobody should have a twitter to figure out if you did or didn't make a grooming subplot.

You know in Curse of Strahd there's a controversial character Gertruda who 50 (500) year old Strahd is implied to planning take as another bride because of where you find her and in the book it states she's recently a teenager. However as much as I hate this plot line due to trauma I understand why it was added because WOTC portrays Strahd as a piece of shit. Like his goal is to chase down the reincarnation of his brother's fiance throughout time until he catches her, makes her a vampire and possibly brainwash/assault her to make her love him. Strahd is meant to be a gross creep. I as a DM and many other age Gertruda up to 18 because we don't want a pedo plot line and it keeps the predatory nature of Strahd intact.

Barbie seems to be portrayed in a significantly more positive light and her grooming behavior is never called out as a bad thing. Like Moxxie should say something at god damn least since he has morals.

There are so many things wrong with the EP. What gets me is writing has multiple stages, first the person needs to come up with the EP pitch, get the directer or network's approval, finish the first draft, then revisit it for grammar mistakes and continuity, then revise it a few more times for a stronger script, and send it to the directer or network again to approve of filming the finish script and that's not even counting how long animation takes too. So during the process of writing to animating, did no one at SpindleHorse see how weird and problematic the script was? The camp for pre-teens is called, "IWannaKumMore"(Their logo being a cum splat), Millie and Moxxie's human backstories of being siblings then making out at the end was unnecessary because they could have just been good friends whose mothers sent them to the same camp, Moxxie this grown ass adult who pretending to be a pre-teen is acting sexual and wants the kids attention, Millie who everyone else thinks is a young boy is getting sent nudes from kids and adults, and Barbie saying how easy teenagers are to manipulate then flash her ass to a boy is implying she grooms kids.

To be clear, I don't have a problem when a dark comedy make these types of jokes as all as they portray the topics and groomers as bad and show they understand that. SpindleHorse did not, like you mentioned they portrayed Barbie in the positive light and Moxxie never calls out her behavior despite being the voice of reason. In fact the tone of the Barbie's scene was supposed to funny but not in a dark ironic way. I don't understand why the camp couldn't be for college students and the consolers are stated and look like actual adults. Everything about the canon camp is childish and filled with teenagers, it's very uncomfortable to see them in sexual situations. In America the youngest a camp counselor can be is 15 y/o but that changes from states to states so no body has a clue, also with the camp counselor having a pitch voice, Barbie referring to him as kid and teenager and him, not once trying to correct her about his actual age, I'm convinced he was kid but Viv had to age him up for damage control.

I'm sorry if this response is all over the place because I'm having trouble describing my thoughts but the writers are in their 30s, and they saw nothing wrong? The writing for HB has been going down for a while now and it was fun to see how the writing could get worse but never in my years of watching awful shows did the writing get so bad, the writers had to resort to terrible jokes about sexualizing teenagers, making an incest joke, and a minor getting groomed unironically. I can't support a person or company that are fine making content like that.

"Unhappy Teenagers" was the first time, I have watched a show and felt a sinking feeling in my gut so much so it still lingers even a day later. I never felt so sick from watching a show and I'm sorry writers and companies think making this type of content and jokes of your trauma and abused experience is okay to do.

[nczaversnick]

Range of Emotions Tag

Lot of people sent me this one so thanks to @the-golden-comet, @illarian-rambling and @willtheweaver

Joy

From my outline of Ch 20

Iris nods and leaves them as Adrian turns towards Caspian, but sees that he’s already rounding around him to continue walking towards the little girl. Adrian: [he arches an eyebrow and sees the daughter] Daughter: [looks up when she hears approaching footsteps and her eyes brighten up when she sees Adrian, but not Caspian] Uncle Andy! [she rushes past Caspian and jumps into Adrian’s arms] Caspian, a little hurt by this, watches Adrian catch the little girl and swing her around, almost as if he had done it a million times. It was different seeing this side of Adrian, a nice different though. Daughter: Come play with me, uncle Andy! Adrian: Of course, Lady [Daughter]. What shall we play? Caspian couldn’t help the small laughter snort which causes Adrian to momentarily break out of character to glare at him, which prompts Caspian to whistle and look somewhere else as if he was laughing at something else, and Adrian looks back down at the daughter. Daughter: Well, first, we’re going to play Princess and the Dragon- Adrian: A fine choice. [he sets the little girl down and she takes his hand and pulls him in the direction of her playing area, listing off all the games she had in store for the both of them].

Anger

ch 4 of a previous draft

“I usually don’t have to force people down here,” the man yawned and stretched his arms as he climbed to his feet, “but you were giving me more trouble than you’re worth.” Caspian scoffed at this. “As for who the Hell I think I am. I’m Adrian, you know, the man who just saved your life. You’re welcome.” “Thanks, but no thanks. I didn’t ask for your help.” “The way you were sobbing in the alleyway, it sure did look like you needed my help.”

Sad Scrapped draft of book 2

Adrian leaned against the young cherry tree. Frost covered his arms and legs. It covered the ground at his feet and the tree against his back. “How do I fix this Aurelia? You’ve always been here when I got hurt...no matter how stupid or reckless I was..you were always there to make it better. To help ease the pain.” he took a shaky breath, “But this is different. This is different from the broken ribs and sprained ankles. Different from the bruises, bleeding and burns..but you’d know what to do. I know you would know what to do...I feel like Caspian stuck his hand into my chest and just...pulled my heart right out…” he said softly, before sniffing and trying to wipe the tears from his eyes before they could spill over onto his face. But in the end there were too many tears to be had and he gave up, just letting them run down his cheeks. “I miss you so much..”

Anxiety I do have a scene for this one but I haven’t actually written it down But Adrian’s constantly anxious. Anxious for his friends. For the other deviants. Anxious that he’s putting a lot of people at risk for his cause.

Fear Scrapped draft of book 2

Adrian had gone outside I know that much probably checking on the garden. “You like Caspian right?” Quinn responded mockingly. Adrian shut up and looked away. Quinn raised an eyebrow. “Oh my god you actually do like him.” “I dont know. I dont know. I do feel…..something. Something is there. But...what if its not real? What if I’m...what if “ Adrian just couldn't figure out how to phrase what he was feeling. “I uh dated Athena for a bit back when we first met but it didn’t last because I was...into her because she was nice to me not because I actually...not because i actually..yknow..liked her.” Iris nodded slowly. “And you dont want the same thing to be true of Caspian.” Adrian nodded. “But like this feels different. Like it hurts sometimes. Like like it hurts when I’m not with him..”

Disgust A bit of the ch 20 draft

Cas started at getting a bit of a big head at all the praise as Athena continues to boast about how well he’s doing with his trainings with everyone. “You seem to be forgetting our mission here. I heard the intel from Zeke about how the mission went. What you did may have been considered ‘kind’, but it was thoughtless. The last thing we need is for someone to get too big of a head and think they’re indestructible. That’s how you end up getting killed.” Adrian said gruffly. Cas turned to look at him, “I thought we were here to help people?” “We are here to help people, but we are also here to protect ourselves. There’s always a better option, even if the two options are the worst. You have to think about every single possibility when you’re out there. “I feel like I can protect myself just fine.” “Oh? Should we test that theory?” Adrian sneered

Tags [comment to be +/-]

@honeybewrites @wyked-ao3 @kittrrrr @zackprincebooks @theverumproject @the-golden-comet @fractured-shield @poppycat-writes @illarian-rambling @finickyfelix @kuebiko-writing @yourpenpaldee @willtheweaver @the-letterbox-archives @moltenwrites @davycoquette @drchenquill @leahnardo-da-veggie @sableglass @kaeru483 +OPEN TAG

[choctalksalot]

If Jake is based on archetype of Strong Female Character then I think he should get Evil Woman arc. Let him snap and go bananas. Sburb is his stage and he is gonna became a star, and break fourth wall and if needed all the walls. I just really want Jake to go batshit. And then better but first batshit. And fight with crockertier! Jane because I think it would help them both to have a proper scream match and some stabbing or two.

admission: i have let this ask stew in my drafts for months because i had exams, and also because i needed to fully process everything in this singular paragraph because it threw a wrench in my jello sack processor

so, in short:

thank you for this ask anon holy shit i love getting asks about this stuff i am full of words about it !! that being said

I AM QUESTIONING THE CLASSIFICATION OF HIM AS STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER. I AM SO VERY QUESTIONING IT

that statement triggered a fucking. sleeper agent in my brain because i disagree so hard so so hard, oh my god i'm. okay technically it's a half disagree. sliver of agreement in there but it's for a very specific scenario that I need TIME to explain (which i now have so Buckle Up)

if you want my aabsolute shortest shorty short response to this ask it's yes, i think jake deserves to go batshit insane, i would like nothing more than to see him be a petty deranged bitch. king shit honestly!! But Not In That Way Slash Manner. okay now WORDS

so, we have the idolization/I Know What You Are he has with lara croft. we have all his big talk about being an adventurer, we have fisticuffs and guns and sparring with a bot, but, as many posts before this have pointed out in much more depth than i can attempt to surmise, jake is not that. motherfucker is a coward, avoids conflict like the plague and plays up an oblivious front to dodge responsibility (god i still can't read the jane confession scene without screaming look at that fucking LIAR)!! a defining aspect of jake's character is his continuous lack of agency throughout the comic too, which is a rabbit hole i'm not going down for the sake of my sanity and your patience [:

point is, in the words of a shitton of other people: he's a hapless bimbo archetype, or at least attempts to embody it!!!!

he wants to be a strong female character, makes an idol out of an example of them (lara), but in the end the narrative itself bends backwards to call him pathetic. point and laugh at the moron in the piss coloured underpants. something something, yet another case of lost potential

there are specific circumstances under which jake does hit as a strong female character. that's getting old i'm gonna shorten that to sfc now. big thanks to tony crazyexdirkfriend for this perspective because the one angle where i can read jake as an sfc is from an extremely meta perspective, in reference to how he's built up to be someone with a lot of importance/skill/competence, while in reality his agency is pretty much moot. it's an empty label, all his "strength" is superficial and falls away once you look any deeper than the upper epidermis. that's neat as hell!!!! i don't think that's the take you were going for, but it is an angle i enjoy and appreciate <:

that being said, even with this and any accurate read of jake really, him having an evil woman arc will have to take place in a specific set of circumstances methinks,, like mfer is probably actively performing an insanity act for Some Reason, an angry tired jake is more likely to revert to sopping wet bawling retreat anger than anything else. letting him snap and go bananas will only work if you character arc his ass enough to change a fundamental part of him!!! and a crockertier scream match is more in jane's favour for. y'know all the years of being a vent box for him. which i don't think is accessible on a count of, y'know, Literal Mind Control

i am the no.2 supporter on the Let Jake Be Batshit train (only second because i know at least four people who'd tie for first) but i don't think he'd seek out attention from beyond the 4th wall. because he can't handle the pressure of being perceived. no walls have ever needed to be broken for jake english to be a star - he's always been performing!! for the people around him, for the narrative, to be the oblivious himbo that never meant to do any wrong. the core of jake english and what drives him to extremes has always been to be liked, and to be safe. maybe those two things are the same to him. it gets suffocating, y'know? and when something gets too much, jake does what he's always done: he runs.

so yeah, no, i don't think so. do let him be a catty bitch tho!! he deserves that [:

[judjira]

heyo it is ur friendly neighborhood joo !

it has been Quite A While since i last posted anything, whether on tumblr or ao3, but worry not! i am not dead yet, and i have no plans on being dead. i've been stuck for a while on writing, but i'll get to that in a bit.

for some reason, now that it's the end of the year, i took a moment to sit down and really just think about things, and i've come to one conclusion.

god, 2024 really sucked for me.

now, i know mindless rants and thought dumps like this aren't why you follow me or anything, but honestly, this is a writing blog, so i'm going to write. if you don't like that, boohoo (jk feel free to stop reading and go send that ask about when im going to update (fic) haha)

a lot of my friends like to say i give main character vibes, and that's not me boasting. genuinely i wonder what it is they see in me that makes them think that. maybe it's the way i tell stories about what happened to me, or how i can manage to keep up a conversation and seem like an extrovert, or just genuinely the way i live my life.

for context, i'm a freelancer doing events and theater, which means i have really, really strange work hours, and even stranger income. i suppose, to someone else, my life seems cool, leaving for work at 11 pm, going to different cities for shows, getting to meet celebrities in the industry and whatnot. and yeah, if i didn't work in this industry, i'd think that's pretty cool too.

but i do work in this industry. and god does it suck so bad. i try a lot to find the reasons why i keep doing my job, and it happens a lot like this:

i do a gig with a lot of hiccups, problems in management, toxic people, underperformance, and i consider quitting. then, something really great happens at the end, and i gaslight myself into ignoring my imposter syndrome and i keep working, waiting for another job.

so it's a lot like someone only giving me food when i'm desperately starving, just enough to keep me going for one day.

do i enjoy it? hell no. is it worth it? somehow, for some reason, at the end of it all, yes.

but the one thing i really don't like about it all is how it's affected my personal relationships. i take all responsibility for the way i act and the way i behave, but i'd be a liar if i said my workplace didn't influence me the way it did.

this year has been so full of ups and downs with my parents, my siblings, my girlfriend, my friends. i feel like, somehow, in gaining independence for myself financially, i somehow realized in the first place what i was so dependent on in my relationships. which sucks.

and to make it full circle, another thing i really don't like about it is how it's taken me away from my favorite hobby, which is writing.

i have missed out on writing for so long that it physically pains me sometimes that i'm away from my laptop and clicky keyboard, unable to pour my heart out onto some weird ass twice fic that barely anyone's gonna read. it might seem shallow to someone else, hell, probably to most people, but damn if writing isn't the one thing i come back to each and every year.

which, i think, brings me to my next point, which is i think i have to apologize for not being so active. i've made a lot of promises that i haven't been able to keep with my fics, and i have so many drafts that haven't seen the light of day. and i don't think it's just you people who read my fics that i have to apologize to, but also myself. i think i took writing too seriously and ended up having it weigh down on me more than it should have.

the whole point of this damn thing is to have fun, and to make sure other people have fun, and i don't think i've been having a lot of fun recently, honestly.

so, yeah. an apology. to you guys. and to myself. i think. im a fuckin weirdo.

but yeah, that's it for this rant. if you made it to the end, congrats! i'll be posting a s'agapo update soon, and i'm also working on the next out of bounds. after that, god knows what i'm updating. i'm gonna stop lying to myself and saying that i have an update plan when in reality i just write whatever's on my mind.

anyway, thanks for reading, and i hope you all have a very happy new year. love ya

[wetcatspellcaster]

I can totally get why you feel pressured with Pieces! When you write a popular fic, you do write it for yourself, but it's hard not to think of the thousands of people who give you their undying support, and you want to do right by them!! But, we are here because we love your writing (all of it. If I told you how many times I've reread Party Favors... Or dipped my toes back into An Honest Lie. God, God. I'd say too many, but it's honestly not enough) and we are here for the ride you choose to take us on. I have a firm belief in your abilities that has been proven true again again.

Personally I love your writing because it's amazing and well thought out, not because it's perfect. Which isn't to say that I notice any flaws (because I don't) but it is to say that perfection is unachievable. Pieces is fucking ambitious as hell, and you are slaying with each chapter, but you also aren't being paid. We are all freeloaders off of your google doc. Don't sweat about it too much.

That being said the last chapter had me SCREAMING. SCREAMING. I AM UNWELL!!!! THE HAIR REF,,,,,,,,,, HIS LITTLE CATTINESS,,,, ROSE BEING CRINGEFAIL,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ugh. UGH! IT'S JUST LIKE THE GOOD OL' DAYS ONLY NOT AT ALL AND EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

hello petal! thank you for sending this! I have been very tired for the last week or so, so I'm sorry to say that is why it sat in my askbox, I didn't want to not do the reply justice.

Thank you for being so kind! I'm really glad you enjoy my writing. I will 100% admit that I didn't think Pieces would become what it did, it's honestly amazing and I'm consistently blown away by the response it gets from readers and how nice everyone is, but it is very strange to write something ambitious just for your own curiosity versus suddenly hundreds of people getting an email when you're essentially 'fucking around and finding out'. I'm never going to complain! I'm very very lucky!! People like you now come to my tiny little tumblr and say nice things to me! But it has been a big change and it has definitely involved some adjustment lol.

It is nice to be reminded that some readers actually like the brand of Astarion/Tav I wrote before I touched an Ascendency AU, and that returning to that isn't a massive letdown lol. What is coming in the next few chapters of Pieces is a much softer brand of problem, and it's nice to be able to be a little kinder to the characters even if they're stewing in their own feelings! I hope people enjoy it when it happens, there is more repression and more absolute cringefail moments to come :')

I'm aware that I haven't updated anything in a few weeks, but unfortunately I am spending my days wrangling my PhD thesis and trying to edit it down to the wordcount. I have been writing, but I have not got an editing braincell in my body by the end of the day and that is why I haven't felt comfortable posting. I hope to be back soon, or at least by the end of the month once my draft is handed in. I know that's not what your purpose was in sending the message, but I just want to reassure you and other readers that I've not fallen off the face of the earth I am just. very very tired. Thank you for your kind words when my brain is on fire xx

[yourstrulyrika]

do you write for sherry birkin? if so, can i please request something like, you know how she’s often experimented on and so she tells her girlfriend (reader) she can’t orgasm / cum fast when she tries it herself so reader takes care of it, and it somehow takes many tries until she gets sherry to reach her orgasm.

thank you <3

HEY NONNIE!! took me a bit. BUT I AM BACK!! also i am still working in my theme it’s taking some time IM SORRY i still cant decide for shit. to the other rqs in my inbox no worries i’ll write them all soon!! SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG i have sm works in my drafts. I know it takes me an eternity to write my motivation and health suck. sorry if it sucks i never wrote for sherry so yeah >:(

anyway!!! :3 here u go. a reminder this is re6 sherry

sherry birkin (RE6) x reader

i think i’m gonna choose her as my theme what do yall think :3 anyway to the actual fic

no warnings, just fluff and smut and comfort bc sherry deserves the world! sliiight mention of angst but thats rlly it !!

Sherry went through literal hell back then, and you know. poor girl struggled so much with getting into a relationship, she doesn’t know how she even got you. she thinks she’s the luckiest girl in the world once you date her.

but sex? well that’s another topic. you never touched it first because you figured out it’s a sensitive topic, maybe too much for her, it doesn’t matter. you just didn’t touch it.

but she never touched it either. she was scared. what if you won’t like her? what if you’ll get frustrated? the amount of experiments, various medication, god knows what, but it all turned her body into a mess deep inside. she just can’t cum on her own. nothing works. she thought her body is broken so she just… gave up.

she tries to give you subtle signs though. rubbing against you, playing with your fingers, tugging at you to touch her, but you just thought she’s clingy. how wrong you were though. she eventually got the guts to ask you— it was so shy, hesitant, but she pushed through. you thought it’s cute.

and that’s how she ended up with you between her legs, her legs on your shoulders as you devour her. you don’t mind her taking some time to come. it’s not her fault even if she keeps mumbling it is her fault and all that, no it’s not, end of the talk.

she’s insecure— feeling good, but insecure. she’s tugging on your hair, her legs squishing your head as your mouth works wonders on her. her mind feels hazy and empty, seeing literal stars. the thing is, even when you’re making her feel so many sensations at once, she just can’t come. it goes on for some time— she’s feeling it, feeling like she’s on edge, but something’s locking her away from actually cumming. she starts to grow sad and frustrated at one moment, thinking you’ll start to grow tired of her.

“I.. I think we shou—“ before she can finish her sentence though, you shut her up with a pat on her thigh. you say it’s okay, but what if it’s not and you’re just saying that? isn’t it frustrating? it’s definitely frustrating to her because she could spend a hour with fingers inside her and it just wouldn’t work. she would always give up in the middle of it and just go to bed. but you’re determined to make her feel good, to make her cum. you don’t pull away from her, instead bringing her closer so you’re buried between her thighs. you lap at her cunt, sliding your tongue in and out of her hole while rubbing her clit. her thighs start to tense up, head leaning back, and she’s feeling like she’s about to cum. the moment doesn’t come fast though. it takes a damn eternity for her to actually cum, but when she does, it feels so intense. she didn’t cum in so long, if she ever did. she cries out, her juices squirting out on your face. you drink it all eagerly— and she’s so sensitive when you do. she never felt like this because no one, including her, bothered to make her cum. it’s a hard task to begin with. but she’s so grateful for it too. she feels it for like ten minutes at least, and then feels a bit sore after so you go gentle on her, peppering her cute face with kisses and giving her a warm bath later. you don’t even care about your own pleasure, but she does. when you clean her up and all that, she clings up to you, tugging at your own panties before putting her head on your shoulder, rubbing her cheek against yours before mumbling a soft

“You thought I won’t return the favor?” she places a kiss your neck.

[elleinmotion]

Omg I saw the new HotD trailer and immediately thought of you! I love your writing so much. What do you think of the trailer? Is the new season going to change your ideas for Graves in any way?

hello and I'm so tickled pink that you love my stuff!!!

I LOVED the new trailer. reduced me to a gibbering mess. loved seeing that B-52 flying fortress of a dragon buzz the army when Aemond and Vhagar did a low pass over. rev up the Bugatti wuheeeee

loved Rhaenyra staring out over Shipbreaker Bay all soot-stained and emotionally fucking drained. pretty sure she did exercise a little bit of Aegon I/Balerion on Harrenhal with Syrax on Storm's End (or at least the Baratheon fleet). let my girl burn it all down

had a major pacing the house moment when they showed a shot of Helaena's face upturned and looking through the black of her veil, then again when she was at knifepoint. i really can't handle it lmfao, i want to leap through the screen and protect muh queen and all of her children. they deserve the world

Aegon being peak brooding menace. Aemond pacing for the throne and looking like he's got his eye on the prize. Alicent staring out over the water (god please let it be a dream sequence or she's at Harrenhal by some plot device and she's staring out over an inlet of the Gods Eye, that would just be TOP LEVEL irony)

ALYS. FUCKING. RIVERS. I can't wait to see the Witch Queen. I can't wait to watch her dynamic with Aemond. I'm so excited for that and Gayle Rankin's overall portrayal. Ewan and her are going to kill it, I just know it (many will die...of fun :) )

regarding Season 2 impacting the story or informing changes on Graves - no, I don't expect it to. not when the goal line is to finish draft and hopefully get everything out in the world prior to or when Season 2 is airing.

the fic will stand canon divergent as all my characterizations of Daeron, Jeyne Arryn (unless she manifests with a hoard of dogs in the show, in which case I will lose my shit lmfao), Cregan Stark, and the twins are likely to differ from how the show will portray them (hell I already did that with fleshing out the twins a lot more than what we saw in season 1 ) - additionally, Cregan is married to his first wife Arra Norrey in my fic, when in canon Arra died in childbirth in the same year Graves is roughly set. already pretty divergent from book and show here, I'm off in the woods, I am deep in the weeds - canon? never heard of her

the epilogue for graves is already pretty set - this is a fic that was written backwards, essentially, with a final line and ending there before there was even a middle of the story!

also, I wonder if we might even see Daeron in season 2 with the casting yet to be finalized for him at the time of writing this reply. in which case, that makes Graves verrrry canon divergent if they eliminate him as a character in the show (I hope they don't).

thanks for the ask, anon!

[queenburd]

hmm i am also thinkin abt the curator line “they need each other” …. something something, can a narrator survive without his stanley? just like a human can’t survive without food/water.. quotes in the skip button ending:

“One single thing I need -…- is to know that someone else is taking it in.”

“When you press that button,… the emptiness folds itself outward in between the two of us, and I am suspended in its unyielding quietness. I can feel the edges of my reality curdling inward and decaying. I can tell that I am becoming less and less real.”

so in the same way.. i assume that all of those narrators banding together would provide some kind of support, but. they’re all so busy trying to be heard, they don’t actually listen to each other. it’s just a big game of giving water to the man starved of food. each others’ company is enough to sustain, but it won’t be for forever.

which is why they go after stan’s narrator; they’re not 100% certain what he’s been doing, but surely he’s hoarding all of these stanleys to himself, right? why would he not hold onto them? where is he hiding them?

but there are some narrators too, that read the room and say “what the hell. the only people here selfish enough to hoard stanleys are the ones suggesting this.” and they form their own coalition which isn’t an echo chamber. they all spent their parables making assumptions on themselves and on their stanleys. this was cruel, yes, and basically a death sentence, but they recognize the self-loathing faster than a counselor in the foster care system. and some of them are still in denial about how they treated their stanleys. but they all recognize that We Need To Hear This Guy Out.

and obviously there’s a lot of infighting from both groups. it’s a high-stress situation, who wouldn’t be stressed out by the end of their life suddenly being a thing that is real and also is approaching rapidly. and there are plenty that just give up and let themselves melt away out of guilt or hopelessness.

so the hate group finally gets this guy. and he gives 0 fucks about them. which is frustrating since they did their best to strip him of his power, but he’s been heard by so many stanleys and they haven’t, so they’re still substantially weaker than him.

the sensible group of narrators aren’t able to even get a look at him. and so they’re busy scheming, but less than the hate group. so when the stanleys come to save the narrator, they notice sooner and they make a break for it. “there’s a lot to discuss, but first we want to help save your narrator.” “there isn’t much time before the others notice.” “we’re trying to hide your presence as long as possible.” “do what you do best—tune them out when they want you to listen.” “yes and that punch was deserved. i deserved that.”

the stanleys are suspicious. who are these fuckers with feelings and what have you done to our original narrators lol???? but they’re willing to go with it. how else would they have escaped their parables without trusting an unexpected offer for help?

you said you didn’t have a lot of thoughts but luckily i did ❤️ i might write smth about this au or the original au. still deciding. but my drafts folder is still overflowing so i probably won’t start until there’s a little more stanley stuff fleshed out. ok it’s my bedtime

THE PUBLIC NEEDS TO SEE THIS. I HAVE LITTLE TO ADD TO THIS GEM other than I have genuinely begun to wonder if any of the narrators, having seen this fellow, who theyve been trying to BREAK, just refusing to be broken, begin to.... wonder.

because again, and again, he just keeps telling them "you didn't take care of him. he only had you and you only had him and YOU DIDNT TAKE CARE OF HIM." and he's relentless.

"I dont get to be with my Stanley either, but god, at least in the time I had him I appreciated him. Our story was supposed to be about him finding happiness, and you all forgot that."

I absolutely can see some of them, who werent the cruel ones but were more invested in their story and in their art, starting to wonder "....was he right? did I forget why this was so important? did I--"

YOU HAVE SOMETHING HERE.

[takeariskao3]

20 Questions

thanks for the tag @thenicestthingiveseen!!

tagging: @brightlybound, @displayheartcode

1.How many works do you have on AO3?

across all psueds? 42

2. What's your total AO3 words count?

421,190

3. What fandoms do you write for?

currently? Harry Potter.

previously? star wars, the folk of the air, marvel, game of thrones, doctor who, supernatural, lord of the rings

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Path From You Already Gone Fade When The Heart Caves In The Holiday

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes, i love reading peoples' reactions and i like to think they like reading my reaction to their reaction. to me fanfic and fandom is a community. and what is community but an invitation for conversation?

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Come Back To Me felt like it came to a natural resolution even though it leaves everything really open ended. however, Memories Feel Like Weapons will unseat this when i get around to finishing it.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i have a lot of wips that are going to have real happy endings but since they aren't written yet i feel like that's cheating .... so i'll go with Enough of Both since it's a happy ending if you know what i mean

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not hate, just rudeness

9. Do you write smut. If so what kind?

hell yeah. all kinds. whatever feels right for the story or the characters. however i think most of my smut scenes are overwhelmingly vanilla and packed full of feelings.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

no, every time i try to come up with one they're too absurd for me to actually go through with

11.Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yes :(

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no, but would be honored

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no, and i won't

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

not a fair question because i have so many ships and so many fandoms and have been betrayed by so many franchises BUT for hp it is a three way tie between hinny, dramione, & panville

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

the holiday :(

16. What are your writing strengths?

eff don't make me say nice things about myself i think i do a decent job at giving the characters a unique voice and giving them character moments within their own internal narration. also what sticks out to readers and what i get good feedback on are my dialogue and fight scenes

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i get too in my head when a scene doesn't immediately work. i will quit on it instead of writing it out so i can figure out what is wrong and rework it. i think i'm getting better at allowing for a bad first draft but it's such a mess when i first get started that i get so discouraged when things don't work or click right away.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i would want to work with a native speaker to help me correctly get tense, phrases, slang, speech patterns, etc. google translate has embarrassed me too many times.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

lord of the rings... or was it doctor who.... i can't remember

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

fuck! um ... honest to god i think it's Five Times Ron Interrupted (And One Time He Didn't) i can't believe how much i enjoyed writing hbp harry/ginny while also laying the ground work for The Path From You. i am such a sucker for a prequel. yes pls give as many "it was always going to end this way" foreshadowing as i can get