#god im sad but this is just so unbelievably stunning

[acrosstobear]

figured that while we're all missing f1 i would share this incredible work of art set to Charles' music. the skaters are Kaitlin Hawayek and Jean-Luc Baker and this would have been their 23/24 free dance skated to Kyle (I Found You) by Fred again.. and AUS23 by Charles Leclerc.

for context, they have spent the last few years dealing with injuries and mental health issues and have chosen to step away from competition for the foreseeable future. they are so consistently stunning and special and magical and i'm heartbroken but hopeful that they will find peace in this decision.

[safesthaveninexistence]

Gaining my soul=More energetic control. Gaining your soul is to see the truth of reality. I see from God’s viewpoint I see reality’s easy to control. I’m powerful because my self-validation feels authentic(chills). Like it’s tangible validation. I understand how my power works in my imagination I get a clear visual artwork of it. I’m unprecedentedly powerful it leaves them speechless. I trust my self-validation that shit strong. I’m naturally fearless to trust myself and what I have to say to myself. I’m naturally fearless to trust myself and what I have to say to myself just as much as I trust myself when I readily give advice to others(chills). Im an internal unrivaled trailblazer. I’m rigged to be on the right path. The unknown is rigged to give me all I desire. It’s so much fun validating myself dawg. It’s so tangibly fulfilling validating myself dawg. Every single sign I see holds potent Magic in it(chills). Every single sign I see holds unbelievably potent Magic. That’s why signs are terrifyingly undeniable to me. Terrifying=Disney Magic Stan Lee Magic type shi Indisputable(chills). Rubbing my fingers together only gets more and more unbelievably and potently magical. My romance is coming OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!@11:11. NO WAY. 11:11 the number of romance🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹✨✨✨✨✨✨💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗JAWDROPPED!!!!!!(chills) Internal accomplishments are as equally impressive as external ones. I got myself out of Hell I can do anything now. I’m that bitch. I’m a badass dayummm. It’s all about me winning. I’m in heaven now DAYUMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!! I DID IT YO!!!!!!!!! IM PROUD OF MYSELF I DID IT!!!!!!! I DID IT I ACHIEVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!? My past self looking at me in awe LIKE YEAH BRUH U SEE THAT OF U LOOKING AT THAT FOOT RIGHT SAYING ULL MAKE IT TO THE OTHER SIDE WELL BITCH GUESS YOURE ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU DID IT BITCH!!!!!! YOU ENERGETICALLY QUANTUM LEAPED NOW YOU A ZILLIONAIRE SUPERSTAR CONTROLLING REALITY LEFT AND RIGHT LIKE IT’S NOTHING LIKE YOU DO THIS SHIT FOR FUN EVERYDAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR IMMORTAL LIFE OMGMGMGMG!!!!! THIS IS YOUR REALITY!!!!!! Unhinged=Boundless(chills). I control from within. I control reality internally(chills this is a powerful one). Theyre all wack compared to the shit I have. They all marvel at me in awe. Like damn they all gon hype me up like I’m STAGGERINGLY GOATED the way they hyping up chris brown (chills) OMGGGGF and Paige bueickers. Every movement I make is as if I’m having utmostest supreme sex. Mesmerizing. I’m very in control of my energy. Laika doesn’t even try to dim my light. Laika is not threatened others want me. Im always in the spotlight and Laika is more than fine with it in fact she relishes off of it. It turns her on that the spotlight is on me. And it turns me on like crazy for her. My partner my lover who isn’t my opp DAYUMMMMMM. WOW THATS NEW! Laika fr on my side in absolutely every aspect of the way. Wow….. so fluid. Seamless. Zero guilt. Zero fear.(chills). It’ll be heaven on earth with Laika(chills). Geez. Laika’s fr coming. Nah it’s inevitable as my birthday dawg. I’m fr nailed to seeing Laika come to life (chills). Dawg. I’m ready to be mindblown OMG! I’m grateful the days are passing by faster and faster getting me closer to all of my desires!!!!<33333(chills)I KNOW LAIKA’S MISSINNNNN MEEEEEE<33333333(chills). My energy is tangible validation. Laika reminds me of a warrior (chills). Geez. I saw visions of her I saw how she looks like geez she’s stunning. It’s just. I gotta find an art that may resemble. Laika got samurai energy(chills). Laika hair are samurai hairstyles(chills) OMG THATS SO SEXY. WOW Emily’s heart.. I can feel it.. her sadness over me is very profound(chills). The time chamber shortens everything by over an antonellamania number of years of times. Laika and I make the bestselling movies dance together different stories each time. That’ll make our love story so unbelievably supreme. Laika and I are both are so undefeatingly strong 💍. My intention know what the fuck I mean. My Magic and power knows when to dumb me down to keep me at ease. I love my life now.

[loveliestfelix-recs]

My live reaction to reading Ghost of You

-I was reading with a broken heart UNTIL THEIR FIRST MEETING PLEASE WHY IS THE COMEDIC FEEL OF THAT SCENE SO COMFORTING? :(

-Okay never mind the way Changmin is crying unbelieving is literally breaking my heart. Sobbing

-“So you’re a ghost?” THAT MADE ME LAUGH PLEASE especially bc he took a slurp of the coffee n then was like ok back to business

-The way Yn has been there for like 2 minutes and changmin is already laughing im sad :(

-The way he’s crying in her arms I feel sick

-SHE HAS NO PULSE :( ok obviously but why did that still break me

-“You can be happy. You’re allowed to feel these things, and you’re allowed to smile and laugh.” Thank you Yn 🥺🥺🥺 Changmin needed that,, like you can see the way he was feeling guilty for having had a good job

-Yn watching the boys lunch made me sad because I can only imagine how emotional it must be to watch your friends after you’re not there w them anymore. I’d get so happy if I would see them laugh/heal, if I were yn I’d be smiling while sobbing I swear

-GODDD CHANGMINS PANIC ATTACK AT THE SITE OF THE ACCIDENT goosebump all over my body I can’t even imagine how heavy being there must be for both Changmin and Yn

-“What might have blossomed to something else in the future had been cut short by the cruel hand of fate.” I’m broken

-I like how Yn let Changmin release his anger even to her,, I truly believe that death doesn’t just bring grief, it holds so many emotions: anger, sadness, disbelief everything

-the scene where Sangyeon mentions how he had thought they were a couple made me feel some type of way because of how Yn and Changmin reacted to it..

-please I adore how because of their shared grief, Sangyeon and Changmin are becoming friends

-I’m listening to the Ghost of you live version by 5sos and abt to cry

-not sure if it was the first time but I noticed Changmin put product in his hair again after not taking care of it for a while :’) I love how the healing process is portrayed in the “small” things

-“Do you know…” you started lowly and gently, “that I think the world of you? And I don’t say that to make you cry again; I’m saying that so you know, in your heart every day, that you could have never failed me. Like you said, in my eyes, you could do no wrong.” IM SO SO SO SAD

-“And just like that, a sense of contentment settled over you. Like a set of ellipses, your time was coming to a gradual halt.” I feel sick

- “I’ll make you proud, Yn-ie.” I FEEL SO SICK

-“Changmin nodded. “I��m okay.” GODDDD GOOSEBUMPS ALL OVER AGAIN I HAVE TO HOLD BACK MY TEARS BC IM IN THE TRAIN TO WORK

-the last line got me. I tried so hard to not start crying and ruin my make up but the “I just saw an old friend.” Broke me in a hundred pieces AND THE TEARS BROKE THROIGH OH MY GOD

My sweet and talented Duckie I am so proud of you for writing this wonderful story! It’s absolutely stunning from beginning to end. The way you portrayed the feeling of grief and of healing is just beautiful. So honored to call such a talented writer my friend :’)

nonidol!ji changmin x bff!fem!reader

after the death of his best friend, changmin’s been left to grieve and wallow. but when you suddenly come back to him in the form of a ghost, he realizes that this might be his chance to right some wrongs. (aka; changmin has seven days with your ghost to figure out why you’ve been returned to the land of the living.)

▷ genre, warnings. childhood friends au, you are literally dead./major character death, mentions of a car accident, implied past bullying, swearing, fluff, comedy as a coping mechanism, angst, comfort/hurt, grief and survivor’s guilt, so much crying that you might get tired, just telling you now it is not meant to be a romantic plot but there r hints bc i’m a sucker, i’m not religious but ur a ghost(?), getting over one’s best friend’s death is not easy folks so that’s why y/n goes ghost B)

▷ total wc. 16.8k </3

▷ permanent taglist. @tayunji @im-a-big-mess @honeyhuii @y3jiishot @crazywittysassy @seomisaho @stopeatread @enhacolor @rnjfy @jaehunnyy @kpopjackie @spiderrenjunfics @soobin-chois @stayarmytinyzenmoa-l @ethereal-engene

a/n: hey hello! ik this prob won’t get a lot of interaction bc it’s a tbz fic and non-romantic main, but it would mean a lot to me if u reblogged and shared this :’) otherwise, hope u enjoy, and here’s some mood songs: yellow (coldplay), last (dvwn), & let’s hurt tonight (onerepublic)

DAY ZERO

JUYEON wasn’t really the best at approaching people in this way. There was something about sad people that made him feel helpless, and the fact that this was Ji Changmin, one of his closest friends, the helplessness had collapsed into a sinkhole in the pit of his stomach. Even Chanhee, someone who was arguably closer to Changmin, sat silently after Kevin’s proposed question.

Keep reading

[princess-of-inarizaki]

hello ! if ur requests are currently open, can i get headcanons / scenario of inarizakis manager having a celeb crush (like finn wolfhard, louis partridge ALSO if u can, can u please make the celeb crush louis patridge ? im kinda desperate for sum louis x reader scenarios lawl) and they let them simp for him cuz it's just a crush right ? right, what they don't know is that manager-chan has made some attempts for him (their celeb crush) to notice them and they have successfully made him notice them bc manager chan is such a charm, so what will be their reactions if they see manager chan holding hands with the celeb crush that they didn't worry ab ? thank u in advance if u do it ! but it's fine if ur requests aren't open,, i just didn't see any posts ab ur requests being closed hehe also sorry if i did this wrong 😭 this is my first time requesting sumthn 😭😭

Louis Patridge x Inarizaki manager

Oh my goshhh hi bb. I'm so glad I was your first :D (yes, initially, requests were closed, unfortunately) but this was literally such a good one, I couldn't resist writing it. (I'm in love with Louis Patridge too, bubs)

Also, just a tip (if you're gonna request on anon, make sure you follow me, or have my profile saved because tumblr doesn't give you a notification when I've answered you 🥺🥺)

🦋; Inarizaki manager (reader) x Louis Patridge (celeb crush) x Inarizaki vbc ,, triggers: none!!

“Guys. DID YOU WATCH ENOLA HOLMES?” your breathless face was red due to fact that you've ran a long way, obviously to tell them this.

Atsumu and Osamu nodded in unison, “Yea, that Millie Bobbi Brown chick acted prett' well”

Suna rolled his eyes. “Hated it. Only watched it for Superman, though.”

Kita shrugged, walked up to you, and shook his head as he smoothed your hair down (the stray curls obviously came undone as you were running). “I don't watch fictious movies, y/n-san. Was it good?”

Eyes sparkling, you nodded. “It was more than good. Besides, that actor, Louis Patridge? The guy who plays Lord Tewkesbury? I think I'm in love with him.” a dream-like look glazed over your eyes as you stared at your phone wallpaper wistfully.

Suddenly, the bell rang, jolting you back to reality. “Oh that's right, I need to go to class now.”, and with that, you left six very stunned boys in the gym.

“I wonder what'll be of her crush on that' actor?” asked Atsumu with a smirk. Don't be fooled though, behind the easygoing exterior, he was the most concerned of the lot (and the most jealous).

“Yer' overthinking it. They live oceans apart, and he plays movies on the big screen.” drawled Osamu.

“Yeah, I'm sure one of us still has more chance with her than him, she's actually met us, after all.” chirped Akagi, with a positive note. He was determined to win you over, and a celeb crush didn't deter him in any way.

Suna nodded, whilst Kita and Aran exchanged looks. “It's important to be supportive of her though. Albeit it being merely a schoolgirl crush, this could mean a lot to her.” said Kita, and his tone invited no further disagreement.

Back at home that evening, thoughts of the handsome brown haired boy could not leave your mind, and you logged onto Instagram, hoping to see if he had posted any updates.

He had, and it was a selfie of himself, with his tousled hair in all its "I-just-got-out-of-bed" glory. Damn, this man was sexy.

Smiling, you typed out a comment. “No offense, but if being adorable was a crime, you'd have fine written all over you ˃ᴗ˂ ”. Yes, it was dorky, and cheesy all in one. But why not? He might not ever read it anyways, as your comment got swept underneath the hundreds of others that came after it.

Sighing, you settled down to study, with thoughts about the comment and Louis pushed out of your mind.

Meanwhile, as Louis scrolled through his comments, a single one caught his eye. She used a pickup line (how adorable) which caused his cheeks to redden. Tentatively, he surveyed her profile, before feeling the familiar sensation of having a crush, wash over him.

She was gorgeous, and although he knew he shouldn't stalk random pretty girls over the internet, he couldn't help himself. Her pictures showed her to be the manager of a club of some sort, and she was almost always posing with a teammate. A male, teammate.

But damn, that smile. Even if he felt a small pit of unfounded jealousy at the guys, her smile was enough to distract him from anything.

His fingers hovered over the "follow back" button, before he finally gave in to temptation by following her, commenting, and putting his phone away quickly, suddenly feeling like a schoolboy all over again.

That morning, before school, you could barely believe the notifications waiting for you on your phone.

"louispatridge_ is following you"

"louispatridge_ commented: nah, if anyone's fine, it's gotta be you ˃ᴗ˂ "

Of course, after having seven mini panic attacks, and fawning over him, you set out to tell your boys at the volleyball club the good news.

And all you could think about on the way there was how Louis Patridge somehow noticed you. It was unbelievable, and somehow turned your insides to jelly.

As soon as you reached the gym, you flung yourself on Atsumu, engulfing him in a hug. “Guys I'm so happy” you managed to choke out.

Atsumu obviously enjoyed holding you, and he gently wrapped his arms around you to feel your heart beating quickly

“To what do we owe the pleasure of seeing you this early, y/n?” joked Aran.

Wordlessly, you dug into your pocket and pulled out your phone. “He thinks I'm fine. Fine means hot right? I mean, I used it meaning hot. Because he is hot. And he thinks the same of me, that's gotta be good? And the emoticon. He used the same one, he's so cu—”

But you were interrupted out of your whisper-babble by the boys' shocked faces. He noticed her? This fast? “I'm so happy for you, y/n” said Akagi cheerfully, but internally he was demotivated and sad at the prospect of you dating the young star.

Suna looked at you thoughtfully and ruffled your hair. “That's my girl. She's just as amazing and capable as those girls on the silver screen.” and although it pained him to say this, he just wanted to share your happiness.

The twins were withdrawn, and Kita congratulated you, whilst obviously feeling a bit regretful for dismissing it as a "schoolgirl crush".

In general, the boys were upset, but not surprised. If you had them all collectively whipped for you, why not a movie star?

After kissing Suna's cheek and waving the rest of the boys off, you skipped all the way to homeroom, excited to share the news with your friends.

Silence followed your absence as Aran shrugged. “So are we gonna acknowledge the elephant in the room?”

Atsumu pouted and glared at them all. “Why did he have to notice her? Was it her profile picture? I've always asked her to change it, she looks way too attractive.”

Osamu nodded and jutted his bottom lip. “I mean, we think she's the most beautiful girl in the world, and apparently other guys do too.”

“Oh God make it stop” whispered Suna. “I wish she'd just stay ours. I don't mind competing with you guys, I'm obviously better, but that actor dude? No chance.”

“We'll be supportive” reaffirmed Kita. “Above all, she's out friend and we do not own her. If this makes her happy, we won't ruin it.”. Akagi and Aran were quiet.

Ever since that day, you and Louis have been slowly but steadily growing closer and falling harder for each other.

He tried his luck by texting you, and although you were shy and tentative at first, getting to know the real him was refreshing.

And you really did like him. He was intelligent, adorable, and realistic. The two of you spent your time from dusk till' dawn talking, whether on call or on text.

And no one could deny the blossoming chemistry between yourself and Louis. He was a gentleman in every way, and his honeyed words stuck in your heart, finding its way to be replayed every time you felt down.

The boys slowly saw you drifting away. And when you weren't, it was always "Louis this—" or “Louis said—” and frankly their hearts couldn't take it anymore. It was time to give up, and love you as a friend instead.

But immersed in his attention you barely even noticed.

One day, Louis called you as you were heading home after practice. “y/n! Love, guess what?”

“aw bubs, just tell me. I hate guessing. Mostly because I suck at it.”

You could hear him chuckle on the other side of the line as he softly whispered “I'm coming to Japan on the ninth!”

“Wait, Louis. Today's the ninth.”

“I know. So are you gonna come to that bubble tea place you won't shut up about, or must I come get you?”

“You're joking”

“I'm not. I've wanted to surprise you, and I swear it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Which includes getting kicked by a horse on set, but nevermind about that, y/n, I want to see you, so get your arse here.”

“Coming, Lord Tewkesbury”

“I might have a kink.”

You blushed bright red at his words. “shut up oh my gosh, I'll be there.”

Louis ended the call with a small smile on his face. He knew how easily flustered you were with him and he loved it. It was just another thing on the list of all the reasons why Louis Patridge adored you to hell and back.

The whole way to the shop, your heart was pounding. So you'd finally get to meet the guy you've been dreaming about ever since you laid eyes on him in a movie.

Ever since those late night phone calls and early morning texts made your heart race and eyes sparkle with wonder.

You were finally meeting him.

The familiar sweet smell of the tea washed over you, and a familiar face waited for you at the entrance. His brown eyes looked gorgeous in the sun and his hair was tousled exactly the way you once saw in a selfie.

Wasting no time, you ran to him, pulling him to a hug. He laughed and caught you in his arms, holding you closer as your legs wrapped around his waist. No words were exchanged, just touches. There were too many words said already.

After pulling away, he gently stroked his thumb through your features. Tucking a strand aside, ruffling your hair. His hands ached to touch you, and now, finally, he could.

“You're such a dork.” was all you could whisper, afraid speaking loudly would break the spell.

“Your dork. All yours.”

“Louis!” your voice went an octave higher as the familiar warm sensation came over your cheeks, painting them a delicate pink.

“Oh God, I've always wanted to see you blush. How can you be so adorable?? Oh God.”

You whined in protest, but frankly, you were too happy to be around him to care much at all.

Tipping your chin to face him, Louis Patridge did the one thing he dreamt of doing, ever since he stalked through your Instagram profile one fateful morning.

He kissed you.

And wouldn't you know it? You kissed him back. It was warm, comforting, and everything you thought it'd be.

Meanwhile, the boys had finished cleaning up the gym, and started heading home.

“Hey guys, do you wanna go grab some bubble tea?” asked Aran. The prospect of food, or sweet things always cheered up the boys, and after a day of particularly grueling practice, it was no surprise they agreed at once.

You however, were comfortably nestled next to Louis as you swapped stories. Your hands never left each other, though. He kept stroking your palm, just to remind himself you were here, right next to him.

“So how's the volleyball club, Mrs. manager?”

“Mrs? Do I look like I'm married?” to which Louis responded with a shrug and wink.

Coincidentally, the Inarizaki boys entered the shop at that very moment, freezing in their tracks after seeing you in a booth with Louis.

“Psst. Guys. Loverboy's here.”

“Should we say hello?”

“I might cry if they kiss” whimpered Akagi.

“We need to say hello, it's the right thing to do.” said Kita sensibly, as he walked up to the two of you. “Hello y/n-san, Louis-san.” said Kita with a slight nod.

Happily, you rose from your seat and hugged the captain, thanking him for saying hi, as you introduced him to Louis.

Soon, the other boys came around and one by one, introduced themselves as well. Honestly speaking, they were jealous. How could they possibly get over someone like you? Someone as spectacular and beautiful as you? But when they saw you face shining with radiance as you smiled at Louis, and the way his hands never left yours, they understood.

And they wanted you to be happy. That was the most important thing, above all else for the both of them.

“I love you, manager-chan.”

[joycob]

May I request an angst/fluff with Sunwoo where you're both friends and you have a crush on him but he's dating another girl, but then they like break up and everyone thinks he's sad about it but a few days later he confesses to you? Thank you~

Sunwoo | Honesty

word count : 1.2k { i got a lil carried away ehe }

idol! sunwoo x fan! female! reader

includes: angst, fluffy ending

a/n: sorry anon that this took so long but i hope you enjoy !!

( ˘ ³˘)♥︎ keep reading below !

The school semester had just started back up after the long christmas holidays. The halls were filled with tired adolescents grogging and groaning about their overdue math projects. The crisp winter air bit at your cheeks leaving them a bright rosy red as you stood outside the corridors and waited for your, as expected, late best friend Kevin. You watched as he got out of the car and turned to face you with a semi-apologetic smile.

“Save the apologies Keb let’s just get inside it’s -15° out right now!” He nodded quickly and followed you inside the corridors. As soon as you both entered the building, an audible groan excited your lips at the sight infront of you, earning a playful smack from Kevin. “I swear if i see them one more time i’m going to get sick.” “Oh just face it Y/n you like him, and you’re jealous.” Kevin smirked and patted your shoulder. “Unfortunately sweetie, you don’t hide it well.” He gave you another sympathetic look.

“Oh look who’s coming right now! I think I hear my teacher calling me.. good luck loser.” Kevin shot you a wink before running down the busy hall. God only hoped Kevin would actually arrive to his class let alone on time. You laughed silently to yourself at your best friends goofy running style before you realized the situation ahead of you; Sunwoo and his new girlfriend e/n— walking towards you.

“Hey y/n! How was your holidays? You didn’t come over on Christmas, my family was a little worried.” As soon as Sunwoo said that you could tell his girlfriend had gotten upset. Clearly wanting to escape the situation and truth be told, you felt her pain. “Sunwoo we aren’t 10 years old anymore.. traditions are bound to be broken.” With that you left a dumbfounded sunwoo behind as you headed towards your classroom. The urge to blink back tears was real, but you couldn’t let him know now as your ship of chances had sailed long ago.

Sunwoo and you were really good friends. Since birth, both of your parents were divorced and worked together meaning you two were always left to play and keep each other company. You were just two neighbour kids having fun, until you realized you had feelings for him.. and truth be told you knew it was bound to happen at some point, there was not one thing to not love about that boy. But from then on you distanced yourself, you no longer wanted to hang out at the park with him and his friends, you declined all of his phone calls and ignored his texts. Highschool came and you had every class together but not one word was spoken, you still liked him.. but couldn’t bear to have your heart broken.

Your judgement was right, and soon rumours had surfaced that he was dating the one girl who you’d hope to see him never with, for his own sake. The girl that every guy got a chance with merely because she found it entertaining. Anything to protect her ego you supposed. However, you didn’t want to believe it was real until one day as you were finally about to confess to him he had walked out of the school doors holding hands with E/n. Your heart undoubtedly shattered but who were you to complain? You were the one who distanced away from him.

“Y/n? Y/n !” You snapped out of your daydream as your teacher snapped his fingers infront of your face. “Finally, your back to your senses, now, whats the answer to question 1a.” Your mind drew a blank and your cheeks flushed pink in embarrassment. “I..i’m not sure sir.” He flicked his tounge in disapproval, “and this is a perfect example of somebody who doesn’t want to get far in life.” Your not going to lie, that hurt a bit.. but was he wrong?

*dinngggggg* “thank the lord i’ve been saved by the bell.”

Exciting the classroom you happily made your way to the cafeteria eager to indulge in some warm food. Immediately after entering the caf you locked eyes with Kevin who gestured for you to come sit at his table. “Hey babes how has your day been?” he asked as he muched on his cheetos. “To be honest, it could be better but you know how it is.”

“I do.. all too well.” Kevin sent you another wink before both of you adverted your gaze to the shouting across the cafeteria much with the rest of the attending students.

“YOUR NOT LISTENING TO ME!”

“YEAH WELL YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!”

“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT FOOD YOU WANT? IM NOT JUST A BUILT IN MIND READER!”

“YOURE MY BOYFRIEND YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS STUFF!”

“WELL CLEARLY WE MIS CLICKED OR SOMETHING!”

“IM DONE. WE’RE DONE!”

You and Kevin watched with your mouths wide open at the sight of Sunwoo and his Girlfriend.. well ex girlfriend fighting publicly. “Did I just see and hear that correctly?” Kevin asked stunned. “Y/n?... Y/n!” You blinked a few times trying to register what just went on but after 2 minutes you were on solid ground. “Woah that was intense.” “You can say that again... I wonder whats going to happen now. This is unbelievable, look at all the boys and girls following e/n but are we realizing there is not ONE girl trying to go help Sunwoo?! disgusting.” Kevin picked up his lunch tray and walked away from the table leaving you rather confused. However, he was right, nobody was there to help Sunwoo.. and that only made you realize how selfish you had been. Simply only caring about your feelings instead of being a responsible and proper friend.

You watched as Sunwoo grabbed his bag and walked outside into the cold wintry temperature. Trying to be as nonchalant as possible you followed him out to were he was sitting, on a bench by the campus gates. “May I sit here?” you gave him an apologetic look but before you could sit down he stood up and gave you a great big hug. “You’re speaking to me again.” Tears welled up in your eyes as you felt him relax in your embrace, you had hurt the poor boy. “Sunwoo.. i’m sorry.” You pushed away— breaking the short lived hug. “It was my fault.” He looked at you with a confused expression, his eyes showing hurt mixed with a little bit of hope. Sunwoo was bracing for the worst, yet he wanted you to continue.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you Sunwoo. I was protecting myself.” you kicked a little clump of snow and watched it roll away from it’s comfortable spot. “Protect yourself from what Y/n?” you sighed at Sunwoo’s words. “From my feelings. From the fact that I was so in love with you it hurt to even look at you because I knew you only seen me as your best friend.” Actual tears began to fall from your eyes, rolling down your cheeks but Sunwoo was right there, catching them all before they could touch the ground. “So all this time, I thought you despised me.. but you actually, liked me?” his mouth formed a small smile and you let out a scoff. “Try more of the term, love.”

“Well.. Y/n what you didn’t know was that this entire time I was madly in love with you too. Next time, do me a favour hm?”

you looked up at him slightly confused.

“Be honest with me”

[yeahimaloser]

Demon Love

Incubus/demon!Hawks X introvert!reader

First, I wanted to say thanks to everyone who liked my first ever post on here, don’t worry I’m still working on part 2! Thank you all so much!!

Alright, because today is in fact Halloween I decided to do an Incubus/demon Hawks. Basically, Hawks was your only real friend, but he convinces you to go out on halloween to a random party, where Hawks tells you something important…

Ok so in this story there is mention of a party and I wanted to make it clear I do NOT condone going to a party in a pandemic. Please just pretend that covid doesn’t exist in this time line ok :)

Also I did upload this earlier but something went wrong with it so im re-posting it sorry!! like I said I low key new here.

Warnings: cursing, light angst, some fluff

Enjoy! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You didn’t really like people. Not all of them, but most were just so… annoying. Most days you just wanted to roll up into a ball and watch a bunch of anime. But, you were so lonely. So, it was a battle in yourself, you didn’t want to be lonely and yet you just didn't like people.

That's when Hawks came into your life. When you came home and saw a demon laying on your couch, you freaked out. But then you two got down to talking and he told you why he was here in your home.

“Well, to be completely honest I just got bored. And well, I thought someone who was so lonely, and yet craved human affection would be the perfect person to crash with.”

And so it began, to call your friendship weird would be an understatement. 

And yet, you both found comfort in each other. You would rant to him about people that pissed you off and talked about your favorite shows.

And he would tell you about how boring he found his life, how dumb he thought other demons were.

You two were not lonely anymore, you had eachother now.

One day, you two were just mindlessly watching anime and talking, when all of a sudden Hawks paused the show and turned to you.

“Hey, I heard about this human halloween party,” he looked at you with his stunning eyes. In fact, you would argue that every part of Hawks was stunning. His beautiful blond hair, his angelic wings, and even his demonic horns.

You gave him a questioning look, “ok?”

Hawks rubbed his neck, he never really said anything about you not having a tone of human friends. If he didn’t like it he sure as hell didn’t express it to you.

In fact, you thought he preferred it. He wasn’t needed or anything, but you got the sense he did enjoy your presence. 

If he didn’t then why would he stay up till 1 a.m with you as you both watched old anime re-runs and laughed so hard about random shit. 

For once in your life you allowed yourself to feel comfort in another person. Well, maybe not a person per say. But still, you deeply enjoyed Hawkses presence, so much so you found yourself falling in love with him.

In fact, you remembered exactly when you feel for him.

You weren’t having the best day, you came home exhausted and just totally drained. 

You walked through the door and Hawks immediately picked up on the fact that something was wrong with you.

So when you sat down he asked you about it, and you just burst into tears.

That was the first time he held you, you felt so safe in his arms. The sensation was like hugging a warm fire. He just felt so warm.

After you finally calmed down a little, Hawks tried to get you to talk to him. He made terrible jokes just to get your mind off it. He even offered to cook you dinner. 

But instead you just buried your face into his chest, not wanting to leave his warm embrace. He gently stroked your back, trying to soothe you. 

After so long of knowing Hawks, you realized you didn’t really know him that well. you looked up at him and finally asked, “Hawks, why did you really come here?” 

Hawks was taken aback by your question, which was understandable since the question came out of nowhere. But he relaxed with a sigh. Maybe it was because of how long and how hard you sobbed, but he seemed to pity you a little bit. Still holding you close, he said, “well, from where I’m from I’m actually the 2nd highest ranking demon. But I don’t know,  everything moved so slow for me. I mean, I wasn’t completely lying to you when I told you about how I was bored and wanted someone to talk to. But really, I don’t know I was just kinda… drawn to you.”

He smiled down at you, making you feel right at ease…

And then you feel for the stupid demon.

“Why are you bringing this up,” you asked defensively.

Hawks just gave you that stupid smile, that stupid, heart racing, beautiful smile. “I don’t know, I just thought it would be fun.”

You gave him a questioning look. To which he proceeded to boop your nose, “really, Halloween would probably be the only time I could ever go out into the human world with you.”

The bastard had a point. But still, you got a bad feeling…

“You promise you're not up to anything?”

He put his hand to his heart, “you have me word.”

You smiled at him, “ok yeah. Maybe this’ll be fun, ohhhh what should my costume be? Wait, how will we get in? Also, how did you find out about this party?”

He just gave you a silly laugh at your questions.

But little did you know, he was planning something.

And little did you know how sorry he was for it 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You and Hawks went as demons.

Mostly because you at least wanted to be careful. But also because you two thought it would be fun.

And although it was, you did end up burning yourself with a hot glue gun trying to get the wings to look like Hawks’s. To which Hawks told you that he would finish the wings.

“You burned yourself!? Here give me that,” he snached the hot glue gun from you. Before you could tell him off he said, “demons can’t burn dummy. Now go finish up the rest of the custom. I don’t like seeing you hurt.”

That last statement made your heart race a little. 

You shook your head and tried to get back to work.

So yeah, here you two were, in a random party with people you don’t even now.

At first, you just clung to Hawks, not wanting to leave his side, too nervous to talk to anyone else. But Hawks seemed like a social butterfly with everyone around him. But you weren’t too shocked about that. The man just had a way of making everyone around him like his presence. 

But you? You just wanted to leave. The party was loud and so… so full of people.

“Come on dove, go out and meet some people.”

You looked at him quizzically, “Why would I? I have you dumby.”

And with that, you went off to get some punch and maybe some snacks.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hawks sighed, he really didn’t want to have to do this. But he knew this was the right thing, the right thing for the both of you.

As you went off to go get punch, Hawks turned around to leave.

He wanted to stay, he wanted to say goodbye, he wanted to hug you close to him one more time.

But he couldn’t. And he knew that.

But that didn’t mean he wasn't unbelievably sad to leave you.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You couldn’t find him anywhere.

And now you were panicking. 

Did something happen to him? Was he hurt? No he was a demon, and he was the 2nd highest demon. He could take care of himself.

So then what? Where was he? Did you do something wrong?

Eventually you just left. In fact, you practically sprinted home. Maybe he was at home, maybe he just got tired and forgot to tell you. Yeah, that had to be it!

Just as you rounded a corner, you heard him, “What are you doing?”

You turned towards him, and gave him a relieved look, “Oh thank God, you had me scared for a sec-”

“I asked you a question,” he said, cutting you off.

It was then when you realized his expression. He looked down right pained, like something was hurting him.

“Hawks? Are you ok? I came looking for you,” now you were getting even more concerned.

He gritted his teeth, “Yeah, well I didn’t ask you too.”

You were taken aback, Hawks had never been mean to you ever. Even when you two argued, he never got this mean. 

He continued, “Seriously, just back off ok? Go and make really friends. I don’t want to be some fake friend to you.”

“What,” the hurt in your voice seems to pain Hawks even more. “Why are you doing this? You are my friend. What are you talking about? Did I… did I do something wrong?”

Hawks clenched his fists, “No, that's not-”

“Then why?!” the hurt in your voice even surprised you, “I thought we were so close I-”

But Hawks cut you off, not with his words but with his lips. He held your head, kissing you deeply. You were shocked by just how warm his lips were. It was almost like he lost himself in your lips, so when you made a muffled sound it seemed to bring him back to reality. 

He opened his eyes and pulled away, he could see how completely shocked you were.

He took a shaky breath, “I- I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that.”

You were still shocked but managed to speak, “what the Hell... you can’t just tell me you don’t want to be friends and THEN KISS ME!” now you were screaming. “MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND,” you screamed at him.

Hawks was taken aback, but held his ground, “I don't- I don’t want you to get hurt. I-I need to leave, but I didn’t want you to be lonely again. I want you to have someone. I want you to be happy”

Your anger soon boiled down to confusion. “What,” you asked him.

“I- I’m hurting you so much just by being here,” he paused for a second, “I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, but I couldn’t help it! When I first came here, to this stupid world, It was out of per bordem. But then I found you and I guess I just fell in love! But I can’t be in love with you, it could never work. A demon and a human, please, don’t make me laugh. I would be putting you at so much risk. Ane even if we wanted to be together, I mean the odds are imposi-”

Now it was your time to kiss him. And as soon as you did? It was like he melted right into you. Holding you close to him as you combed your fingers through his hair. He hugged you closer to him as you did so. The sensation was damn near intocacting. When the two of you had stopped, you were both out of breath.

“I love you too,” you stated. Hawks looked up at you, eyes filled with shock. “And I don’t care, screw the odds, who gives a damn.” you smiled at him.

Hawks just laughed, “After my whole little speech that's what you took away from it?”

But you just smiled lovingly, “Sorry, I guess I just don’t give a damn.”

For a few seconds he didn't answer, but then he smiled, “Well if that's the case, then I’ll tell you my real name, It’s Keigo, Keigo Takami.”

You sighed, “Keigo huh,” you leaned in, your lips hovering softly over his, “I love it.” and you kissed your demon love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Is this cringy?? Probably, but I enjoyed writing it so I hope you enjoyed reading It! 

Have a fun and SAFE Halloween!! <3

[starlithan]

I Promise

word count:1481 words

Siren Jisung/ Reader (ft. San ATEEZ)

Warnings: slight abuse 

next

INTRO

Y/n POV;

“Here you go the keys if you need anything I'll be downstairs okay” the landlord said 

I just moved into my new place at jeju it's not that big but its comfortable plus its near to the sea and let me say very very very cheap, I take the keys and head in my house  “darong-ah I told you those are just drawings of fish not actual fish” i tell my cat who's trying to catch the fish that I drew on the canvas. 

I'd say I'm not much of an art person to begin with. I just like to draw things related to the sea, which is one of the reasons why I moved here. “Okay that's it it's time for us to go to bed, come on” I pick her up and head to my room.

My room was a little big it had a study in the corner a bookshelf in the right corner and bed in the middle I put Darong on the bed “I'll get freshened up okay and don't you dare go back for the fish there just drawings okay” she just dismisses me and looks away “whelp I guess that’s my cue”.

“Darong you asleep?” i say in a low voice cats aren't deep sleepers, i take the towel off of my head and- Ring Ring~ 

My phone starts ringing “where the heck is it” i go outside to find it on the kitchen counter 

Hyunjin

“Hmm what's up Hyunjin”

“Hey what sup you settled yet?” he asks he sounded a bit tired from the other side

“Yes I did what's wrong? You sound a little tired?” 

“Yeah me and Chan just got back to find the house ruined by Kkami… so I'm just cleaning up I guess” I laugh at that I mean Kkami always ruins the house when Hyunjin’s not there but Darong ..noooo she ruins the house infront of me it's like  I hear her saying I don't like this throw it away.

“Give me the phone” Chan says to Hyunjin from the other line

“Y/n what do you think should I beat Felix or not?” the twist in the conversation

What did Felix do now!!?

“Why are you asking me that what did he do now?” I ask getting a little curious at what he did

“What.. did Seungmin not tell you yet?...” okay I think now I'm getting a little worried 

“No…. what's wrong” I ask a little hesitant

“The guys in the hospital”

“What WHY… is he okay”

“You should expect it by now … food poisoning he ate too much brownies” blank I think my mind went blank 

“I'm gonna kill him” that’s all I said, and I hung up on Chan and quickly dialed Felix’s number 

I mean I should have expected it. Felix's love for brownies is beyond this roof and it's not like this is the first time he had to visit the hospital for food poisoning. 

~beep beep~

“Hello”

“Where are you?” i go straight to the point 

“I- I'm home” he says a bit hesitant

“I swear to God Felix if your at the hospital I'm gonna kill you”

“It was just a little brownie. What's wrong with that and you know how much i love it and…”

Buzzing my head starts buzzing i could hear Felix calling out my name and asking if im alright, but the pain i can't see anything clearly 

Deep Breaths, Deep Breaths 

I tell myself I take in deep breaths the buzzing slowly goes away and my sight slowly comes back. I slowly get up from the ground and sit on the nearest sofa, my hands were shaking violently i've been getting these Migraines from about 4 years now, and when i say it's severe its severe my phone rings again

“Felix i'm fine”

“Y/n it's me Felix told me you had a migraine again are you okay?” the voice of my older brother says from the other side of the phone. I stop.

“Minho Im fine its okay it was just a small one im fine you don't need to worry” i tried to sound as okay as i could 

He sighs in relief “Okay good good… you almost gave me a heart attack” he says 

“Im fine im sorry you dont need to worry” i tell him

“It's okay but just call Felix before you go to sleep okay he was really freaked out …. And don't stress okay”

“Okay i'll call him good night” i hung up before he could say anything i just did not wanted him to be worried, i dialed Felix again 

“Y/N ARE YOU OKAY? Im sooooo sorry ill never eat brownies again just don't stress out okay i'm sorry” he says trying to control his tears from the other line 

“I'm okay Felix i'm sorry i got you worried” i say trying to control my laugh he so cute 

“Okay okay you take rest okay” he says sniffing 

“Okay you take your medicines kay” i say 

“Okay promise go to bed and rest okay bye”

“Bye

_____________________________________

Flashback~

“I told you to wash the stairs why didn't you” my step mother yelled at me 

“I had to go to school. I told you, i'll do it after i'm done with my assignments” i told her, her face got so red.

“Don't get smart with me i'll lock you in the basement again” she said her face close to mine her anger radiated this heat off of her, i hate her so much, i do everything and then she takes the credit for all of it, i can't even tell dad, she just makes him so happy i can't take that away from him and Minho he was so hurt after Mom's death that i don't wanna burden him with all my problems.

“I told you, but i think you didn't hear me i have to go study and when im done ill do it” with that i started to head to my room when something hit my head, i started to get dizzy i look behind me, then down on the floor to see the vase broken, after that i pretty much don't remember what happened, everything just blacked out

“She's going to be alright” a voice said, “just please don't give her a lot of stress she has a sewer case of migraines that vase hit her at a very sensitive area its better to avoid things that hurt her”

I slowly opened my eyes to see my dad, and the doctor, Minho was in the corner his eyes puffed up as if he cried “Please come with me Mr. Lee i want to  prescribe her some medicines” the doctor said my father squeezed my hand, smiled at me and followed him outside, when he left the room Minho came close to my bed “Hi” he said with a small smile i wanted to say i'm okay but i couldn't “its okay dont say anything you need rest, i'm just disappointed in myself you used to tell me everything when we were kids and…… why didn't you tell me she was treating you like that?” he asked i just stared at him “Dad found out and its okay shes gone Dad divorced her” he said but he had that sad look on him, i know he was sad that i didn't tell him anything, i wanted to say a lot of things but we just sat there, silently communicating.

______________________________

I came out to the beach, the night sky was beautiful, the calm cold air, and the sand beneath my feet, it was such a beautiful moment, i took a look at the sea, sometimes the sea looked so lonely, so lonely that i wanted to go in it and forget everything, i wished that rather than having a migraine  i could have lost my memories, i walked along the sea, with the soothing silence.

*singing*

I could hear someone singing in the distance, my feet started to follow the voice as I got closer the singing became louder, i wouldn't lie the song was beautiful almost hypnotizing, it felt like it was calling me i got near a rock, the sound was definitely coming from here, but what i saw was unbelievable it almost took my breath away, a man half naked with ….. A tail.. A merman, I was looking at a Freaking  Merman, he had black stunning hair with rainbow streaks, a beautiful face, and a red or maybe a maroon tail. It was beautiful, when he noticed me, he got scared and quickly went into the sea.

“Wait!” i said but he was far off gone, this can't be real “i think i took too many sleeping pills” i told myself trying to deny the fact that i just saw a merman, or something.

______________________________________

[angrylizardjacket]

i keep digging myself down deeper // charlotte&lola

Summary: Lola takes Charlotte to confront her mother after finding out that she lied about Lola’s dad’s death. Lola is plotting a murder. Charlotte is trying to fix her moral compass. They still end up in a graveyard.

A/N: tagging @misscharlottelee as always, and @local-troubled-writer . this made me so fucking sad folks. also i think lola is overall a better person in this au and im so sad about the main story too now. wrote it at work.

[run to paradise au]

“Take Charlotte,” Doc says, like it’s the easiest thing in the world, like he knows Lola’s on a knife-edge and can trust the younger woman to pull her back. He says it like he’s trying to throw a wrench in whatever malicious scheme she’s concocting that she thinks he doesn’t know about it. 

Take Charlotte. Unlike you, she’s good. Is what Lola hears, and it sets her teeth on edge. It could have been Tommy, but Doc knows better than anyone that Lola’s got that man wrapped around her little finger, though he’s the backup if Charlotte won’t go, because god knows Lola hates Mick enough to murder him on a trip out of state, and she and Nikki together will never do anything good. He could ask Vince, but that’s asking for trouble, and Vince has actually kind of settled down. Lola on a rampage is liquid heroin, and Vince is finally in recovery. So take Charlotte, somehow the only stable one of the lot.

“We’re going to pay respects to your dad, right?” Charlotte’s got a backpack full of clothes for if they stay longer than intended, and Razzle on her heels, offering to drive them both to the airport. Lola confirms. “And Doc doesn’t trust you?”

“No he does not,” Lola grumbles through her teeth, throwing a glance over her shoulder at Nikki, on the sofa wearing only his boxers, covered in scratches and hickeys.

“He’s a smart man,” Charlotte says with a smile, but Lola’s not matching her energy, just rolls her eyes. That being said, Lola’s at the very least grateful that Charlotte’s not walking on eggshells around her the way everyone else seemed to, Nikki notwithstanding, since she’d found out her father had died when she was nine, and her mother had lied about it to her, and she’d believed that he’d just left because she was a bad kid ever since.

But now she was out for revenge, had told Doc she’d just wanted to visit her father’s grave, but the moment she’d been given the go-ahead, she knew she was heading home to confront and kill her mother for everything she’d put Lola through.

When they get on the plane, Lola’s pretty sure she can see Razzle waving from the terminal, and when she points this out, Charlotte leans over her and waves back, despite Lola’s noise of disgust.

“Don’t be like that Lols, notice how I didn’t say anything about your hickeys and band aids on the way here? You look like you had a raccoon try and rip out your jugular,” Charlotte tells her with a smirk, sitting back before avoiding her gaze, “and I don’t think Nikki would give it up that hard if you were still really grieving, so what’s your real plan here?” Cutting straight to the point, she’s so unbelievably no-nonsense about it, seeing through Lola before Lola had even fed her a lie. Lola knows she could convincingly lie to Charlotte in a heartbeat, but it’s not worth the effort; either way she’d have to tell her.

“I’m gonna kill my mom,” Lola tells her under her breath, before smiling at the stewardess doing final checks, while Charlotte sits in stunned silence.

“You’re gonna murder her?” Charlotte matches her volume, though her voice is full of disbelieving rage. They haven’t even taken off yet. Lola hums in agreement. “What? Just gonna shoot her in the face? You don’t even have a -”

“A plan? Of course I do. I’m gonna burn her house down. With a flare gun,” Lola fires back easily, before adding, “shooting her is Plan B. Also with a flare gun.”

The flight is only a few hours long, and Charlotte spends it fuming in silence, not wanting to cause a scene on a plane, in the airport, or in the taxi to the hotel. There’s no words for the rage, for the betray, for the being an accessory to murder, and she’d probably fight Lola if the older woman didn’t have biceps the size of a rotisserie chicken.

Lola leaves, claiming to get dinner, and comes back with a greasy burger and a flare gun, and Charlotte wants to cry, wants to scream, wants to believe this is all a bad dream.

“You’re fucking kidding me,” is what she says, and Lola gives a patient smile.

“Charlie, please just remember she set me on fire,” and she puts the flare gun on the bedside table, puts her trash in the bin, and goes to bed.

Maybe Charlotte considers taking the gun and throwing it in the ocean. But she doesn’t. Deep down, she’s pretty sure Lola’s not capable of murder, enough that she leaves the gun there; it’s trust. Lola wouldn’t make her an accessory to murder. Probably.

“You’re only an accessory if you come,” Lola tells her over a room service breakfast, and Charlotte feels like she’s going to be sick, “go sight seeing, meet me at the airport,” she shrugs, “if the cops ask you questions, just play dumb, like you do every time they come looking for Nikki or Tommy.”

“You’re not going through with this -”

“I’ll be done by midnight,” Lola’s not usually so focused and sincere, seemingly trying to ignore Charlotte’s negativity.

“Please, Lols, don’t do this; don’t do something crazy that you’ll regret,” Charlotte almost begs her, and Lola’s teeth stretch into a snarl.

“So I’m only allowed to be crazy when it benefits you, right?” She snaps, finally, and Charlotte swallows hard, eyes going wide in surprise. “Because when we rock up to your cheating ex’s house and I’ve got a baseball bat, you can call me crazy and be proud -”

“I never called you crazy,” Charlotte says through her teeth, completely unprepared to handle Lola, who’s never actually lashed out at her before.

“No, Duff called me a psycho, and you believed him, didn’t you? But I was your psycho, wasn’t I, Miss Lee,” Lola’s voice turned cruel and mocking, “it’s okay if I’m a psycho so long as you can wind me up and point me in the direction of whoever you want fucked up -”

“After fucking everything we’ve been through, you’re gonna accuse me of just using you?”

“No,” Lola said easily, flipping from feral to collected with an almost terrifying speed, “we’re friends, Charlotte, I know this, I just don’t think you’re used to my anger not benefiting you.” Her lips twitch into a cool smile, “I think you forget that we’re very different people, Charlie; before I met you, I was blowing cops to get me and Nikki out of trouble every other week, and all that’s changed is that Nikki has started bribing his way out.” it almost seems like a point of pride, and Charlotte has no fucking idea what to say to that. “But sure, I can be crazy when we’re hurting the boy who broke your little heart,” she coos in a mocking falsetto, before her expression just turns cold, “but when it comes to the woman who abused me during my formative years and set me on fire, sure,” she rolled her eyes, miming screwing a lid on a jar, voice dripping with sarcasm, “I’ll put a lid on it, for your sake.” She spat.

“I’m sorry I don’t want you to commit fucking murder,” Charlotte blurts out, realising far too late that she’s crying, and Lola’s hard resolve instantly crumbles, “I’m sorry if it seems like I’m just, just, just using you for your anger, I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry,” and she’s just crying now, sitting in the hotel with her head in her hands, “obviously I don’t think you’re a psycho.”

“Yes you do,” Lola sighs, but it’s neither angry nor an accusation, its defeat, a label she’s worn for a long time finally spoken by one of the only people she actually respected, “and I am; there’s nothing you can do to help it.” 

“Please don’t hurt anyone, Lols, please,” Charlotte begs, and Lola heaves another deep sigh.

“Go home, Charlotte, go back to Razzle and pretend this was all a bad dream; I don’t want you living in my reality. You’re better than that.”

“You shouldn’t live in this reality; Lola, you’re scaring me, I’ve known you for half a decade, and for the first time,” Charlotte snifled, sitting up a little straighter and avoiding Lola’s dark gaze, “I’m fucking terrified, okay? You’ll go to jail for the rest of your life.”

“Small price to pay,” Lola shrugs, and Charlotte’s going from guilty to frustrated fast, but Lola’s voice turns hard, “go home, Charlotte.”

“No.”

“You’re not a felon,” Lola finally snaps, voice flat and angry, “you’re a romantic at heart with terrible taste in friends.” Finally, Lola stands, and Charlotte’s shocked into silence. 

“You’re the worst friend I’ve got,” it’s like it’s finally hit her, voice a little breathless, a little disbelieving, and Lola gives a wry smile.

“Now you’re getting it.” And she leaves. In the middle of the day. Leaves Charlotte alone and fragile in the hotel, off to do god knows what, possibly off to commit murder.

Charlotte calls Razzle; she’s never been scared of what Lola’s been capable of, maybe it’s that she’s never really thought Lola could commit murder, but now she’s afraid. The only thing that’s ever terrified Lola was her mother, and now, knowing what she knows, the truth about everything she’s been through, in some twisted way Charlotte can easily see how Lola’s made herself believe that the murder is just. Charlotte’s never known a killer, not really. Razzle reassures her over the phone, tells her that Lola’s just gone to blow off steam but that she’s got a good heart under all of it. She’s motivated by loyalty, not revenge. But then it hits them both; Lola’s mother besmirched her father’s name for years, the first person Lola ever truly loved and looked up to. The only man she’s been even more loyal to than Nikki is her father; and she’d kill for either of them in a heartbeat.

“I need to stop her,” Charlotte’s still got tear tracks drying on her cheeks when she sits bolt upright, phone still to her ear, “do I- should I call the cops?” She asks, and Razzle hesitates. It would be a betrayal that would send Lola spiraling further. 

“Go to her, you know you can talk her down; she loves you, she listens to you,” Razzle tells her, and when he says it, so sweet, so gentle, so self assured, she almost believes him, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She tells him, before sniffling loudly, “wish me luck.” She tells him, feeling far more capable than she had minutes before; Razzle was good like that, was supportive like that, knew just what to say when Charlotte needed to hear it.

Charlotte knows the address that Lola was given, and heads there first, but the street is quiet, the house is quiet, and there were no signs of Lola to be seen. She drives for a bit down the road, heart beating in her throat, anxious and mind jumping to all sorts of terrible conclusions, but there’s no signs of any disturbance. Lola had been on foot, and had left only an hour and a half ago, she couldn’t have gotten far. 

At the end of the street, there’s a park, and Charlotte comes to realise that school must be on break, because it’s teaming with parents and children, and she searches, wonders, thinks she sees someone who looks a bit like Lola, but doesn’t stick around to make sure. That woman looks too old to be Lola. 

She checks bars and liquor stores and gas stations, and finally has a hit from a cashier who sold her two bottles of vodka, and the gas station attendant who had given her a pack of smokes, despite her having already gone through a quarter of a bottle in the half-mile between stores.

The only thing at the end of this street was a graveyard.

Lola’s wasted, unable to stand, sitting with her back against a faintly worn grave, mumbling to herself. 

“How could she do this to us, dad?” Is the first thing Charlotte hears from her, an angry growl. With one hand around the neck of a mostly empty vodka bottle, the other comes to forlornly pet the gravestone. Catching sight of Charlotte out of the corner of her eye, Lola’s entire expression crumbles, and for the first time in their whole sordid history, Charlotte watches Lola begin to cry. Angrily, almost defiantly, she searches her pockets, before pulling out a cigarette, lighting it.

“Dad,” Lola says to no-one in particular, looking out ahead instead of at her best friend, face scrunched with angry tears, “meet Charlotte,” she announces, and Charlotte’s words die in her throat; “Charlotte, meet my dad,” and she nods to the headstone she’s leaning against. 

“I thought -” Charlotte tries, but no words come to her.

“We’ve just been catching up,” Lola takes a long drag from the cigarette, coughing when she follows it with a swig of vodka.

“What happened?” Charlotte asks quietly, approaching like Lola was a wild animal. Lola grumbles something unintelligible, mostly under her breath, and Charlotte gingerly sits beside her.

“He was a really, really fucking good man,” Lola murmurs, forlorn, resting her head on Charlotte’s shoulder, startling the younger woman, who wasn’t quite sure how to deal with this situation just yet, “he would have loved them, Motley,” she clarified, and she takes another smoke, “he was always a huge fan of rock, always had the hair to match. Mom would call him a long-haired yahoo but it was never malicious, it just-” she was crying now, and she had to pause, “she would have loved them too, back then, but when he was gone, I think she just started hating everything that reminded her of him.” She pauses, taking another drink, her voice defeated when she finally spoke, “probably why she hated me so much." 

Silence, then;

"She has a kid.” Its the most defeated she’s ever sounded. Even Charlotte feels it like a punch to the gut. “She gets to play happy families, and I get to slowly dig myself an early grave,” she finishes her cigarette and immediately lights another.

“Lo, what happened?” Charlotte asked once more, and Lola turns to her, eyes bloodshot and mouth in a thin, unhappy line.

“Nothing.” It sounds like it hurts to admit, “because I’m not a psycho,” she says quietly, “I’m not gonna hurt that kid.”

“Your… sibling?” Charlotte almost winces as she says it, but Lola laughs in an almost disbelieving way, leaning her head back against her father’s gravestone.

“My little brother; Milo, I think. I didn’t stick around long… she doesn’t even know I’m here." 

Charlotte wraps her arm around Lola’s shoulder, pulls her in for a hug, and Lola melts into her, lets herself be pulled into hug, her head on Charlotte’s shoulder as she cries unashamedly. They sit on the grave of Lola’s father until it gets dark, wrapped up in each other, giving comfort and getting drunk, and there’s stories spilling from Lola that she’d never told anyone; happy times from before her shit got dark, before her father passed, stories she’d thought she’d forgotten. 

"Did you mean what you said?” Charlotte asks finally, voice fragile, vodka burning through her veins, “do you think I have bad taste in friends?” Lola contemplates for a long while before humming.

“I think you deserve better than me. And Nikki. I think you’ve got good friends, Peach and Eileen, they’re good friends,” Lola nods resolutely, “they wouldn’t drag you down to Boston just to argue with you and watch them chicken out on murdering their mom.”

“They don’t wanna murder their mom to begin with,” Charlotte agrees with a half laugh, her arm tucked into Lola’s, resting her cheek on Lola’s shoulder. Lola hums an agreement. Gently, she rests her head against Charlotte’s.

“I’m sorry, Charlie.”

They gaze out into the graveyard, tired, drunk, and world-weary beyond their years. Moments like these are a sharp reminder to Charlotte, of just how terrifying Lola’s world can be, and just how lonely she once was. The way Lola clings to the band, to Charlotte, it very suddenly made clear and perfect sense. 

“You’re not the worst friend I’ve got, Lols, not even close; you give a shit when it counts the most. About me, about our band-family; you give so much of a shit you’d kill for us. You’re probably the most loyal person I’ve ever met.” Charlotte tells her honestly, and Lola’s quiet, before sniffling loudly, and laughing.

“Stop it, Miss Lee, I promised Tommy I wouldn’t have a thing for any more of his family,” Lola jokes, but hugs Charlotte tightly as she squawks with horrified amusement. 

Its a considerable walk back to the hotel, but as Lola crashes onto the soft mattress of the bed, she feels worlds lighter than when she’d woken up.

[helenaswriting]

ships for @why-the-heck-am-i-here!

@why-the-heck-am-i-here: “Okay I really really want a ship thingy for marvel, Harry Potter and stranger things pls!! Imma send it here because I want to tell you as much about myself as possible 👉🏻👈🏻. (Feel free to post it still lol! Okay so my name is Bailey and I’m 5’9 (v tall) I currently have kinda short black wavy hair but I’m always dying it! Imma do pink next ;). I have green eyes and I tend to always do big thick eyeliner and smudged eyeshadow. I dress more on the oversized grunge side of the fashion spectrum, tho I would love to go more alternative. Okay now that that’s out of the waaayyy. I’ve always been described as the cool one kinda. I’m laid back but at the same time always up to do something stupid lol. I’m definitely always up for some fun but also a good ol nap. When I’m not doing anything like that I’m drawing or binging any show/movie I can get my hands on! Anime sign me up! Horror sign me up! Romantic sign me up!! You get the point. Back to drawing tho, that is such a big part of my life. I’ve been drawing since I can remember. Rather it’s just doodling or going out side with a canvas and some watercolor I’m always doing something new with art! I even have a small business. And if I happen to get a cool idea I’ll sketch it out on anything! My pets are also a big part of my life. I have a Pomeranian puppy named kuma and a GIANT Akita named Harlow. Their kinda stupid ngl but that means they take after mom 😣. Oh there’s music! I’m literally always listening to it or wishing I was listening to it, some times if I can’t I’ll start humming a song without realizing. Lastly id say I’m really touchy, I like to hold hands and get hugs 🥺. SNUGGLING IS THE BEST AHHH. Just some little facts; I’m a slytherin 🚨🚨 My favorite marvel character is rocket I’m a sucker for sandwiches My favorite color is black I always imagined myself sneaking my dog into Hogwarts as a pet (probably the Akita because 🙃) I’m a master a video games! Pokémon is my bff That’s all I can think of! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I HOPE IM NOT A BOTHER 👉🏻👈🏻”

hello!! you aren’t a bother at all and thank you for your request! i just did marvel and harry potter, if that’s alright? i’m very sorry, i just had so many considerations for stranger things and couldn’t make up my mind :( i hope you still enjoy reading these headcanons!! <3

· so, let’s start of with marvel! · as i was reading your description, i was considering many ngl, but i just have to go with bucky, because y’all would really be a power couple. · so the two of you meet very randomly, and a little cliché, at a blockbuster. (rip blockbuster btw). · you’re browsing shelves of movies, just taking a good look when you spot this tall guy, with shoulder-length brown hair, eyes on you, flustered when you spot him and you just kind of smile to yourself. · you spot the metal hand he’s hiding in his sleeve, (knowing who he was, though it wasn’t something you minded,) as you strike up a conversation with him, about the movie he’d quickly picked up when he saw you heading his way. · “the 40-year-old virgin, huh?” · “what- uhh, sorry?” · you nod to the dvd in his hand, realising that was the movie he’d randomly picked when panicking, though he wouldn’t admit he was, even later when you become a couple. · bucky and you end up leaving with each others numbers on your phones, and though he has a hard time admitting it, he’s very giggly and happy. · i mean he just got a really cute girls number, what was there not be ecstatic about? · anywho, so fastforward to after a little too many dates where he asks if you want to make it official. · it’s actually a really sweet moment. · you two are sitting at a fountain, no one around, your head on his shoulder as you just listen to the sound of the water behind you, a comfortable silence between you two. · he then kisses your lips, and you’re both feeling over the moon. · so this guy loves everything about you. · you both kind of have the same energy in a way, both laid back and though he might not have the same amount of coolness as you, you two just click and fit perfectly. · there’s never awkward silences between y’all, you’re practically soulmates, and that’s what steve and sam say too when they meet you and see you together. · if bucky has to go shopping for new clothes he always brings you along for advice, ‘cause he really likes your style and the vibe you have. · and you love styling him, since he goes along with almost everything. · for only you, of course. · bucky always hypes you up and admires your art, kissing your temples as you draw or paint, looking at your art. though he thinks your the art. · btw he absolutely LOVES your pets, and he spoils them by giving them too many treats sometimes, but he can’t help it. · yes, he is a big dog lover.  · is it just because they are your dogs and seem to have some of your personality? · maybe.  · he’s a soft boy with you, always there for you, holding you close whenever he can. · and this guy is also very touchy. · there’s nothing he loves more than laying on the couch with you, snuggling and cuddling as you watch a movie together or playing video games. · you almost always end up talking through movies, not being able to focus, but y’all don’t really mind.  · and you always kick buckys ass in video games, and when he get’s sad about losing you make up for it with kisses and loads of love <3. · he loves listening to music with you too and you showing him songs you like, since he’s not all that up to date with modern music and what’s popular nowadays. · bucky LOVES holding hands with you btw. · he only really uses lots of pda if he’s jealous of some guy checking you out, but he always holds your hand, proud to have you by his side as his lover. · he just appreciates you so much, and is so thankful that you support him and are there for him, especially when he’s going through dark episodes of trauma and PTSD. · all in all, you’re a real power couple, always strong together and you both rely a lot on each other. the trust and bond the two of you is so deep and stunning, and you’re a real dreamy, grunge couple.

· now to the world of harry potter! · okay, so honestly how can i not ship you with the obvious person who came to my mind first- draco malfoy.  · so the two of you are childhood friends and meet in your first year at hogwarts, befriending the boy. · we all know that draco is quite the dramatic person sometimes, and you two are quite different in that sense. · sure you have the same slytherin qualities, but since you’re waaay more laid back, sure up for a little trouble, but nothing with major drama, draco is the opposite. · he’s meddling himself into things that are unbelievable sometimes, getting into trouble for the most dramatic things.  · but you’re always there to help him. · you grow to be best friends, and many from the other houses judge you for that due to his reputation. · but the thing was that they didn’t actually know him the way you knew him, as a best friend, though you wanted to be more, and let’s be honest draco has had a crush on you since your third year at hogwarts. · he asks if you want to go to the yule ball with him, and that’s when you both crack at the same time to tell each other you want something more than to just be friends. · might i add draco is very enchanted by your dress, which i personally imagine to be this black or grey, puffy gown. · no matter what you would be wearing, he’d love it and think you look gorgeous. · “draco, i-” · “i have to tell you-” · “oh,” you both say at the same time. · “you go first!” · “no, you, you.” · “i insist you speak first, i-” · but he interrupts you by placing his lips on yours and god are there loads of butterflies in your stomach. · from that night, you’re a couple, but it’s not something you disclose to many people in the beginning, despite draco being so fond of pda. · fond of pda doesn’t even begin to describe it honestly. · once you’re a couple he can’t stop showering you with kisses, hugs, gifts, chocaltes- everything. · infront of anyone, anywhere. · btw he loves shopping with you and for you, and simply must give you really extra clothes worth god knows how many galleons, but he doesn’t mind at all. · whenever you gift him something it’s usual small, but very personal, and god this boy may seem tough and ready to square up, but he becomes so emotional when you give him a present- no matter what it is. · also he loves giving you art supplies, insisting on buying your watercolour paintings so he can have them on display both in his dorm but also at home, though his parents may not be to fond of it. · he’s your number one supporter and inspiration. · draco is very proud to have you, and WILL show you off whenever he can. · he thinks and knows you deserve it, for everything you put up with. · aka him. · draco is the sort of person who has a facade for most people, you being one of the only ones, if not the only one, to be able to break down that facade. · he knows that he can be difficult sometimes, since being emotional is something he’s bad at showing just because it’s something he hides a lot, but he knows he can trust you and be himself around you. · and he knows that you’re always there for him. · and draco is always there for you. · you two have a lot of fun and are always pulling pranks or getting into trouble. · on a date you two went to explore the dark forest, luckily not getting hurt, but even if it was scary, it was funny as well. · afterwards you retreated to your dorms, sitting in the common room, having movie marathons, which annoyed the other slytherins since you two hog the tv quite a bit. · he also loves sneaking up to your dorm and taking you out on midnight walks. · sometimes you take your dog along, and it’s all just very cute. · all in all, you are such a great pair, strong, fun and troublesome, yet sweet and tender.

[osamuniichann]

Map of the Soul: 7

After a ~315 day drought without new music and a comeback from the legends, we are finally back with MOTS: 7! It been a hot minute since ive done a album review (solely for myself LMAO) so lets get back into it bc this album is a home run

Interlude: Shadow. Here we have the extended version of the interlude. can i just say that the lyrics to this masterpiece are so real and true. its not suga speaking nor is it agust d, this is min yoongi speaking of his internal conflict with the celebrity life, which is heartbreaking. on another note, the visuals of the mv are stunning and the ending--dont u just wanna go apeshit??? truly a great addition to the album!

Black Swan. sister black swan has been with us for a month-ish now? it still bumps. HARD. i blasted this to and from my drive to work to the point where i was scared if id get sick of the song but that didnt happen. the way how its hard to pinpoint when and where a member would sing/rap because they INTENTIONALLY wanted the voices to blend as if they were one body. this is the group’s narrative on how no matter how passionate one is on a certain craft, when they lose that drive, its like a death. and it is up to themselves to spark that love and interest once again. a very relatable story across various media, talents, skills, etc.

Filter. When I first heard that this was a jimin solo showcasing the many sides of Jimin, i thought that it was going to be a sad ballad to kind of follow the theme mots: 7 seemed to give off; thought that it would talk about how he has to force personas onto himself to appeal to the masses, but it is the complete opposite. Jimin is all the faces he puts on, he can be cute, sweet, and caring Jimin but he is also a sexy, flirty young man that can attract any living being. how he switches from falsettos to a lower register voice is beyond me, what a versatile one he is! <3

My Time. Moving onto jungkook’s solo, I knew the lyrics were going to be sad especially when it seems to compare himself to others his age. How he speaks about how fast time runs for him, how his childhood and current life is not of the average 22 year old (LIKE UM HERE I AM, SAME AGE AS JUNGKOOK AND IM NORMAL AF while he’s out here breaking records?? WOW). but the life of jungoo can be a bit overwhelming, completely understandable. I just want our boi JK to know that he can be himself and live freely despite such different circumstances. On another note, the groove of this track is so GOOD. it reminds me of Ari and ugh i LIVE for this jam

Louder Than Bombs. When the track started, I could totally tell Troye Sivan helped produce it, it has such a unique sound that only Troye would use. It sounds like this song would totally be on a movie soundtrack IDK WHY. like, i can picture it during an apocalypse movie sldkjg im not completely sure what the meaning is to the song (bc im big stupid) but i feel like its a track saying that no matter the struggles, they will continue to sing confidently, strongly, and wholly to us endlessly. beautiful, just beautiful.

ON. Moving on to the title track of MOTS: 7! I’m very picky about strong anthem-type songs but ON is actually p addicting HAHA There’s a background sound that repeats in the back that sounds like Sans from Undertale, aint that wild LMAO but anyways, the Manifesto Film was crazy good. The drums, the band, the breakdown of it all? UNBELIEVABLE. Also, JK’s vocals during the bridge? H O W. That breakdown tho...oof, that was amazing. They still dance with the thirst that rookie bts would and i think thats why ppl are so drawn to them no matter how many years pass. Fun fact: the choreographer of ON as well as Dionysus actually is from my city in Hawaii and we went to the same high school THATS WILD. the talent she holds!

UGH! Rap line ATE this shit, are we KIDDING. An ode to all the hate comments that we receive, u can see how fed up they are. They made POINTS and we all agree, its the damn law. The way how they opened up with a gunshot, we knew it was coming. Everyone joked about how we bout to hear some gunshots on this album, well they threw ALL of it on this track. Can i just say that Hobi’s verse tho? it hits different, it really do. When they went “ahem, ahem. ahem, ahem-ahem, YOUR AHEM. AHEM-AHEM--” OOOOOUGH i felt that shit!! god, imagine this in concert...the building aint ready!

0:00 (Zero O’ clock). Now we have the vocal line track, we knew they were bout to present some vocals. Great sound, slow and reflecting. Not the first track I’d listen to but it is a great listen. The lyrics tho get to me. The way how they comfort us and say that life can be rough but you can be happy. no matter what happens, with the turning of the clock to 0:00, its a brand new day and we can make the day better. what a powerful message that all of us need to hear once in a while. we will be happy guys, we deserve to be.

Inner Child. Tae’s solo which is a message to his young self. I expected a slow ballad filled with his warm vocals reminiscent of Winter Bear, 4 o’ clock, and Scenery but boi was I wrong. He has this sunset glow voice that wraps u so warmly and the sound is just so happy, pure, and innocent. Its a hopeful message to his younger self on how we will change and be the amazing person we want to or will be. I was sobbing at this song, I tell u. It was 2:00 am in the morning and I was sobbing into my pillow. Imagine comforting your past self that everything will be okay and to take ur hand, it will be all worth it in the end. When he sang “ur my boy, my boy, my boy, my boy!” Ugh...the tears!

Friends. When I heard this was a vmin duet expressing their friendship with each other, I knew it was going to be so emotional! I didn’t expect such a fun, poppy sound tho. They truly are soulmates, the love they have for each other is so wholesome and real, it truly exhibits the love I have for my friends--they’ve been with me through thick and thin, during happy and sad times; the amounts of serotonin they give me is just HHHH. The way how Tae and Jimin have been friends since high school until now is just ugh...we love it. Towards the end when they started singing “you are my soulmate!” towards each other, i started sobbing so hard because WOW. the shivers i felt, this song made me so happy and full! 

Moon. Next we have Jin’s solo which is an ode to us army’s. And on another perspective, this is a song from the moon (jin) to the Earth (army)--i have tears in my eyes. The lyrics especially got me in a chokehold and made me sob, the way how he says that he will always be by our side no matter what, the same way how we are there for him...god. The chorus really gets to me, it feels so happy and thankful and I just want to tell Jin that I will forever follow him and the boys. They’ve been with me for years now and I will continue to support, love, and listen to them. Ily to the moon and back, our moon.

Respect. I didn’t expect a Namgi duet but HERE WE ARE. Goddd when i heard that i was SO EXCITE. They’ve known each other for +10 years now and they never miss the chance to tell everyone that they’ve been friends for that long. Not @ how they disliked each other at first but grew to be so mf close, to the point where their family. Ughhh, im so uwu rn. Im so happy, so so happy that Nams started it with AYO SUGA; i SCREAMED. Also, i heard that they recorded it in one take and i could see how much fun they had--especially considering that their rap styles are completely different. Even tho in the song they joke about not knowing what the word Respect means, we know...we just KNOW the high amounts of respect they have for each other. As they mentioned before, Yoon’s respects towards Nams’ leadership and care towards everyone and Nams’ respect towards Yoon’s love and passion for music and producing. Peak comedy is Yoongs overloading on autotune during his parts to the point where its intentional. Bless Namgi.

We are Bulletproof: The Eternal. I felt like a CLOWN when this track started. Like everyone, i thought we were going to have a third installment similar to that of the strong, hip-hop, gunshot-filled part 1 and 2 of we are bulletproof, but we were met with soft vocals and rap. The lyrics tho get to me. This truly was a song about their entire journey and i felt like I experienced all years with them. They’ve been through so much and the way how they sang “we are we are together/forever bulletproof!” They are proud of where they came from and it has stuck with them till now. They are such real people...i cry. ALSO the “We were only seven, but we have you all now.” Whenever i see pictures of their debut fanmeets/concerts vs now its just crazy. imagine singing as an entire being during concerts when they start “OOOOH OH OHH” im so immensely proud of the feats they’ve reached and im excited on what they do next! <3

Outro: Ego. The way how he started it with the fitness gram pacer test just like in previous albums, ugh what a throwback! this song is such a Hobi track, its fun, dance-inducing and its just so FEEL GOOD. the way how he switches flows and is capable of doing so is *chef’s kiss* the way how he speaks about the path he takes is difficult but he doesnt regret it...SOBS also the mv??? UGH SO CUTE. the flashbacks too;; i cry

ON (feat. Sia). With this track, there’s not much extra I can say, all my opinions still stand with the original track wit ot7. I jokingly told my friend that if Sia is gonna be on the track “hey nanana’ing” the same why Halsey was only “oh my my my’ing” i will ctfu. and...welp, that was what happened. I do love Sia tho so props to her!

Overall: I initially thought that MOTS: 7 was going to be a dark, ballad-filled album but it was anything but. It had so much fun songs, the lyrics are again, so deep and meaningful--it pulls at your heartstrings. It felt so raw, personal, emotional, and i love it in all its being. The boys will continue to amaze me no matter what they put out and i forever and endlessly will support and love them the same way they do for us. MOTS: 7 is a masterpiece and im in love

[shewasanamericangirl]

finished kamen rider ex-aid!

i dedicate this review to my mom, who told me that doctors don’t play video games. she’s the reason i haven’t cured cancer yet; just couldn’t bear to part with my pokeymans.

EXEIDO. i heard about it many times from @shylax as it’s the first kamen rider series he watched to completion. it is now my second!

as i’ve said before, one thing i strongly associate with kamen rider (specifically neo-heisei riders) is BRIGHT and SHINY and GLOWY. and oh boy does ex-aid have that in spades!

oh boy does this show have the most extra henshins and belts and suits! honestly, the “ex” in the show’s title could definitely stand for “extra”.

life is like a video game. on kamen rider ex-aid, death is also like a video game. between life and death is medicine, and when virtual viruses start causing disease in real people, doctors become video game heroes to cure their patients! fortunately, pediatrics intern emu hojo (i know what you’re thinking, it’s pronounced “em-moo”) is secretly really good at video games.

now, being as he is a reasonably competent doctor, emu’s got significantly more brain cells than shinji kido and sougo tokiwa combined. he makes up for that by being a pretty serious dojikko, but fortunately his clumsiness doesn’t get in the way of gaming or being a kamen rider all that much.

as seems to be common in heisei rider series, the other riders are all kinda dicks. but don’t write them off! like many of our beloved kamen riders and game heroes alike, there’s a lot to learn about them.

but let’s be real: there’s two characters you’re REALLY here for.

omg bless this adorable pink haired cutie patootie and and her unbelievable pastel aesthetic. this is POPPY PIPOPAPO. yup, with a name like that, it’s fairly hilarious seeing how many times someone says it with a straight face. she’s a game character brought to life from the rhythm game doremifa beat. poppy works as a nurse at cyber rescue helping treat the victims of the game virus under the pseudonym asuna karino. she is perfect. moving on...

this is kuroto dan, CEO of incredibly popular video game corporation GENM. he’s um...well. what CAN i say while tactfully dodging spoilers? he hits that kamen rider sweet spot of being as attractive as he is memetic. you will remember this god among men for as long as you live. (he is my favorite.) (yup, my meikyuu kingdom character kingpong pingpong wound up heavily based on him.)

so, on the characters metric, clearly i approve. most of them you really have to warm up to, but it’s so worth it. (that doesn’t apply to poppy, though. poppy is pipopapoperfection.)

plot is interesting and engaging, but the pacing gets weak in places. it takes a while at the beginning for the story to feel like it’s in motion beyond the introduction of new characters and rider forms. episodes towards the end get a tad repetitive too, but there’s still a lot more happening, and if you’ve watched that far you care enough to see how emu and friends will weather the latest brutal plot twists. ex-aid features some surprisingly deep themes that will get you thinking and feeling along with the heroes. finally, the ending...it was GOOD? i am so used to stories i love getting endings i hate, but really, i can’t complain this time. ex-aid paid off without copping out.

music! there’s only a few tracks that stood out to me, but MAN, did they. the theme song, “EXCITE” by daichi miura, is a goddamn BOP as befits a kamen rider opening. (got spotify? go listen. now.) we get to hear poppy sing a couple times, which is adorable and awesome. finally, there is one wonderful tearjerker leitmotif that plays whenever something sad happens, and it’s the kind of tune that will likely make me feel melancholy any time i hear it.

visuals are, like i said, bright and colorful and SHINY. so much color. they picked some pretty gorgeous sets, including one i recognized as having made its return in my favorite episode of kamen rider zi-o. the rider suits are really cool, though at times they get a biiiiit overly busy (you got enough guns there, bang bang simulations?) and dang there’s a lot to keep track of. (old man shinji kido: “back in my day, we just had a regular form and a survive form! none of these ‘level infinity′ shenanigans!”) im just nitpicking though, they’re great. can’t say much without spoiling but...some of the scenes towards the end of the series gave me serious jojo’s bizarre adventure vibes; you’ll know it when you see it. (not to mention brave yelling “ORAORAORA!” as he punches a bugster.) ex-aid is a visually stunning show.

choreography was good but just not a big focus on ex-aid compared to the ultra flashy CG attacks. you like rider kicks? there are lots of rider kicks. ex-aid involves a lot more strategizing beforehand than it does spur-of-the-moment tactical decisions, and it’s only once those strategies are put into practice that you really learn what they are.

all told, ex-aid can take a while to really get invested in, but boy was it worth it. recommended to any fans of video games or kamen rider.

@shylax suggested i try watching an older tokusatsu series next. i’ve been curious to get a showa kamen rider series under my belt (HA) since the themes and aesthetics of the series were so different back then. after some scrolling and contemplating, i’ve decided: the next series i’m going to watch on my own is kamen rider super-1!

...i like his suit, ok? 😅

[honeyjaehwan]

TELL ME WHY U LUV KEN. ESSAY IS WELCOME

oml okay!! before i start i’m going to link the time i did this eloquently bc what i’m about to write will be all over the place: read this for my sappy intellectual answer

sometimes in life you get a quick glimpse at peoples ministering angels or their hearts or souls or whatever you want to call it and lee jaehwan’s is absolutely divine it’s so perfect and without flaw. he is kind, compassionate, observant of others’ feelings, careful, and sweet. he wants to give and receive love constantly you can just tell how big his heart is. if someone’s uncomfortable he’ll redirect the attention to himself, if someone is quiet he’ll check on them, if someone is sad he’ll tell a stupid joke. but he knows also when to be reserved and when to listen he’s got a heart that responds to others in such a way that allows him to give love so consistently it’s so affecting!

he’s also so talented and motivated and he works so hard to get where he is, he’s undergone such trials and yet he’s still so driven. he’s done musicals which he says are his dream and he’s got a full time schedule month after month and yet he still has time to connect with fans and with his friends and family he never publicly lets himself be exhausted he’s consistently putting us first and making sure we’re aware of his love and appreciation, he’s at once so hard working and so humble it’s unbelievable!  

he’s also hilarious like his sense of humor is so good it’s often so pure and never at the expense of anyone but himself! like earlier we were talking about that time he dared fans to get a cold bc he hasn’t given permission for us to get sick like he’s genuinely so funny and more than that, he uses his humor towards kindness like he’ll joke to comfort others or make a fool of himself when another member doesn’t want the spotlight he wields his humor in such a way that it betrays his big heart it’s so beautiful to see

i also love his confidence it’s so admirable and i’m so happy that it’s increased over the past years like i love to see him posting selfies of his body or just being aware of his cuteness it’s so inspiring to see self-love performed in such a beautiful way like i’m so impressed that he’s worked so hard to get to this point of appreciating himself it’s so warranted! he’s also just such a great extrovert he’s always talkative and engaging and genuinely interested in other people it’s so beautiful to see that kind of behavior! 

this may be repetitive but he cares so so much like this warrants stating again bc it’s so central to his personality he cares so much about us and about every creature tbh (remember when he gave a frog a bath!?) jaehwan sees the beauty in life and in others and works consistently to manifest his appreciation of it like even with ants he cares so much and sings for them he’s the kindest most compassionate person on this earth and he’s messed up in the past but since i’ve stanned i’ve not seen him do one unkind thing he’s always concerned with making others feel comfortable he cares so so so so much

 and not to be vapid but i have to include it: he’s absolutely gorgeous. i know i often say that he’s the prettiest person i’ve ever seen but i’m not exaggerating. there is no one more beautiful than him he is so stunning he’s the most handsome man i’ve literally ever seen. i started stanning after i saw pics of him like all it took were two pics (from 160820 ofc) and i was deeply and madly in every kind of love with him. i love his lopsided smile and his nose and when he wears his hair up and when it’s down and his jawline and how his face is a little asymmetrical and his eye color and his eyebrows and how he looks in makeup and especially how he looks without makeup and when he wears hoodies and looks comfortable and when he dresses up like, there’s a verse in the bible that says “you are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you” that’s literally about him. he’s the pinnacle of beauty he’s unmatched and preeminent he’s stunning looking at him is like seeing god it makes me feel so warm like i’m sitting in the sun he’s my entire world and my heart feels heavy in a rly rly good way when i see him 

like this is so random but one quote that has been stuck in my head for years is from some scholar who said that “milton saw heaven, milton knew god” and its a beautiful quote and i always wondered what that mustve been like and genuinely after seeing jaehwan i can say i’ve seen heaven and i know god, lee jaehwan brings meaning to every beautiful poem or scripture or quote he’s literally my entire world i dont exagerate when i say he means this much to me like, there was my life before i met him and there’s my life now he’s impacted me that much!!! i have a sticky note on my computer of all the bible verses he reminds me of and i just love thinking about him and about love and his heart he has such a perfect heart he makes me such a better person

truly though loving him makes me kinder and more compassionate and loving like, i was not always this bubbly or soft or kind but loving him motivates me to be someone worth loving him. i want to embody all the virtue in him and i want to be someone whos heart is worthy of his heart (in an abstract way, not like i plan on marrying him or st) like loving him is the best thing that’s ever happened to me i have made so many friends and become a better person all because i want to be sweet like him or express love like him etc! 

i have more to say but i’m going to stop myself bc i’m literally crying lol if you read any of this thank you i love you im sorry it’s a mess i really am frustrated! i wish i could coherently put my emotions together in a cogent testament of my love but there are no words i just can only say that looking at him feels like sitting in the sun that’s all i feel my heart is warm and heavy and full i am blessed and aware of my blessings i wish i had words for it i really do

[tayegi]

im crying not only bc of your amazing writing, but bc i was scrolling thru my dashboard and i saw you answering all these asks about new rules and i’m so dump thinking that you set up new rules or sthg, i didn’t understand it so i read all those asks and fucking spoiled myself kmp, but on another note yOU FUCKING ROCK OMG NEW RULES IS SO AMAZING I LOVE IT 💘💘💘

Anonymous said:I'M LOVING NEW RULES SO MUCH just wanted to show my support. i love your writing in general don't get me wrong but new rules is messing with my heart and it's amazing

Anonymous said:Hi! I just read both parts for "New Rules" and I loved them! If this goes in the same direction as Dua Lipa sings (I guess it will) it sounds like it'll be very interesting. I love how everyone in the story is human, not just good or bad, you know? 90% of fics would've made Mijoo the stereotypical barbie bitch, but you didn't and I was pleasantly surprised! I also feel very identified with the OC. I really want her to open up and discover who JK really is, whoever that is. Keep up the good work!

jabaelashit said:Hey! i already wrote you a message on one of your posts but i just wanted to say that i am feeling so skabakks right now, I can't stop thinking about new rules and i'm torn between crying or crying but w angsty. I hope oc learns her worth and can understand she's just as amazing as mijoo, even better if we're talking about morals but oh well people fuck up:( I'm glad she forgave her but I hope she distances from her cause that gurl ain't having the same respect for the friendship as oc/1

jabaelashit said:and i also hope she gets to tell jimin her feelings not to like make him break stuff w mijoo, but to let him know she hadnt seen the note and to release some pressure and feelings cause oc bottles up so much and i just want to go and hug her and don't leave her until she understands shes fucking badass and cool and that the way she thinks is 👏👏👏 lu you've made me feel such a diverse amount of emotions i don't know what to do w myself anymore, your writing is amazing! love love loove you❣/2

Anonymous said:Hey!!:) idk if this is the right place to send compliments cause im really new to tumblr but THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR FICS. Tbh I'd buy it if you published a physical compilation;)

Anonymous said:Wow for the longest time I was searching your old username; idek why cause I’ve known you changed your username and have been keeping up to date with you LMAO this is what being sick and delirious does to me. ANYWAYS! Hope you’re not too down with the crazy anons your story is great and I’m thankful for the dynamic characterizations you create! It makes it so much more interesting cause you create many characters with depth!!

Anonymous said:Can I please just have your writing talent? The OC is just so real, and that moment when she's deciding what to do with Mijoo, and what she actually says at the end.... I can't actually put my thoughts into words. I'm legit stunned by the sheer amount of emotions I felt reading the second chapter. I genuinely adore the banter between JK and OC, I personally prefer people to be more direct with what they want, so I already appreciate them, but also Jimin's convo with OC... (1/2)

Anonymous said:Jimin's convo with OC... Idk about these other anons going off on Mijoo, I was more thinking 'why didn't Jimin chase the note?' and then he would have had his answer then and there. But that might have just been me... And also, thinking back to it now, when JK said 'I need you' and OC repeated it back to him like super softly, like she was surprised oh god, okay, my heart is breaking even more for OC now, idk if I'm reading too much into it. I love you Lu, I hope you're well, and happy! (2/2)

Anonymous said:I love your fics so much!! The sass is real esp with jungkook ����

Anonymous said:Anyways do ya thang hunny ✨ Keep wrecking me with your writings 💞✨💞✨💞✨💞✨💞✨😩

Anonymous said:Read part 1 of New Rules and was like yeah thisll be fun, I'll have a great time. Then I read part 2 and ended up shedding some real tears at the end?!?! LU WHAT THE...... But really though its so nice to read a fic where the OC values friendship. The idea that its always girls against girls makes me sad.. we should be sticking together!!

Anonymous said:so... surprise surprise, dis gon be about new rules 😂 but I really wanted to thank you for adding so much of the oc's inner dialogue, and making her such a character in the first place. a lot of fics do not portray ocs with more defeatist attitudes, but yours does and I was glad, because I could finally relate to a fic :) also, coming back to the inner dialogue thing, it was so in depth that i could really feel what the oc was feeling, what she was going through. it was amazing ❤️ thank you!

Anonymous said:Man this is one hell of a good fic i’m highly anticipating the next chapter!!! Even though it seems like traditional frat fuckboy x ‘i hate frat bois but ye i’d fuck u’ type of girl it still is in a way a little different i just can’t quite catch how but nonetheless it’s amazing!!! Keep up the good work babe

oceanjoon said:ok so ur newest fic new rules literally is so real n relatable !! like honestly i understand seeking physical comfort in people u dont care about wen u r feeling down/insecure to validate urself n it just rlly hit home

kyarybunny said:Lu. At this point I have so many compliments to give you I can't really form it all properly. But I really am enjoying New Rules and this plot you're breathing life into! It's a different facet of your writing and I love how you can interpret every character's actions in a few different ways. Thank you for continuing to write and I hope you enjoy writing as much as we do reading/analyzing.

Anonymous said:Istg when I read the new chapter of New Rules I clenched my fist like that Arthur meme when it came up to the part about mijoo and the note. Girl got me heated lol. As usual, your works do not disappoint! I love your wittiness and how it shines in your writing. The remarks and dialogue in all of your series really proves your talent. You’re truly a gem amongst fanfic writers 💕☺️📢

Anonymous said:i was happily reblogging a few things on my dash and ch1 of new rules just came and i started reading WHERE THE FUCK DID I GET MY ASS INTO???!!!???!?! IT'S FUCKING AMAZING i don't know why i didn't start reading before. don't you ever dare stop writting, you're such a good writter and i enjoy your works very very much

Anonymous said:OC DESERVES HAPINESS JUST AS MUCH AS MIJOO. OC SHOULDVE PUT HERSELF AND HER HAPPINESS BEFORE HER FRIEND'S BECAUSE SHE IS TOO GOOD FOR ALL OF THEM DJFJFJ i hope one day jimin finds out about her feelings :(

Anonymous said:new rules just keeps getting better and better 😻😻

Anonymous said:Wow.. Okay.. I do believe chapter 2 of New Rules has officially ruined me. My heart was actually beating so fast through out the whole chapter, and it's still racing now too. I've thought this multiple times while reading your fics, but you're writing really is incredible. Your characters and the way you describe their emotions is so unbelievably relatable that the reader can't help but be sucked in. I always find myself becoming invested in your characters! Thank you for all the adventures!

Anonymous said:I felt so bad for the OC this chapter ;.; If I were in her position, I'd probably do the same since causing a scene is yes, immature and not worth the energy. But, if i could be a character in New Rules I'd probably be the other best friend who'll be like "guurl, confront her ass it isnt an excuse just because she's your friend." All in all I see the OC as the kind of person who'll go out of their way to care for someone to the point of disregarding their own feelings, which is unhealthy :( (1)

Anonymous said:(2) but thats what makes her such a relatable character. I really, really like that in your OCs. This is probably the second OC i emotionally relate to, first is Copper Girl. But yeah I'm just distracting myself from assignments lol this series is amazing and just you are amazing Lu!!!! ily!!!!! PS. Jungkook is still agsjshskll he's cocky but with OC he's quite vulnerable. I wonder why? Is it just a front or does he have other intentions?

Anonymous said:alternative ending to new rules: mijoo and mc are over their respective boys, does not bother to get into any messy scenarios like that ever again, love each other and support each other and is forever the friendship that everyone envies anD I HATE THIS SITUATION SO MUCH GODDAMMIT LU!!! UR REALLY TRYING TO TEAR MY HEART APART!!

marchxseptember said:OH MY GOD CHAPTER TWO IS UP. I HAD A FEELING SO I HAD TO CHCK UR ACC AND I WAS RIGHT. BRB GONNA READ

marchxseptember said:AND THE PLOT THICKENS. I JIST FINISHED READING CH. 2 AND I AM FUCKED UP. I HAD A THEORY BEFORE BUT NOW I HAVE LIKE 2 MORE IM CONFUSED. I LOVED IT SOOO MUCH. AND I HATE MIJOO NOW. I CANT WAITT TO SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN. THIS WAS SO GOOD LU.

omg the amount of response ive gotten for new rules is unbelievable. I dont think ppl were even this into equilibrium. the last time u guys acted like this was during the golden boy trilogy and it really feels so good to have this again.

thank you all for your thoughtful messages and for giving this ridiculous little fic a chance. I love you all

[thevulernablepreacher]

Energy Healing-Read it Anyway

Inspiration is a God thing. When it hits my mind is on fire. It courses through me. I LOVE it. Rarely am i somewhere i can write it down as its happening. I’m on the toilet or driving..recording doesn’t help. I forget i recorded and have zero to negative patience for listening back.

I read Lean Dunham’s piece on her breakup this morning when i woke up b/c it was front and center in my Instagram feed. IT’s gross how addicted I am. i had been looking at her photo’s lately, wondering if she’d broken up. I sensed it. The energy surrounding here screams it. She’s been looking so clearly sad behind what looks like attempts to put on a strong and happy front . 

Someone wrote a reply saying so. I wanted to annihilate that person. I cannot tolerate the ease with which other people decide they're on an intimate enough basis to say this kind of shit to pepole. Of course she looks sad you ignorant fuck; you think she doesn’t see that or know that? She’s a fucking creative genius living in her emotions at every flipping second. So that’s not a helpful reflection.

I hate the word trigger but that comment clearly did just that to me. But that’s not at all what i want to write about.

What happened when i read that was that i fell in love with LD again. She blows my mind. She is an INCREDIBLE writer. She can talk about shit that we all talk about and experience in a way that no one articulates it. She has this special sauce ability with language to get into the nooks and crannies like a Thomas’s English muffin,  so deeply descriptively. 

I fell in love and i was jealous..so fucking jealous. I want to write that well. I want to be that fucking famous; not for fame sake, but i think maybe for the flow of cash (so i could work from an Adirondack chair) and for people desiring to hear more from me and thus paying gigs would fly in..a beautiful viscous cycle.

I had a mind blowing energy healing session yesterday and one of the things she said to me was, “I can just imagine your next speaking gig when you show up completely authentically; how powerful that will be.”

Well, i had that next gig this morning. I had to read  a “purpose and overview” statement to my networking group at 7:15 am. i wrote it last night. I took two bowls of ground curried lamb topped with black salt, and three cups of chamomile tea get it good and done. It took probably an hour and 1/2 to complete. I love it and its torturous.

I read it this morning and i will tell you i was amazed at my sureness confidence. No longer is my voice shaky when i speak. I”m finding that to be true in my speaking club group too. I just feel right; strong, upright, grounded. I was listening to myself and i thought, “God, this is really good.”

I was speaking to a room full of humans of an incredible caliber. They are all seasoned vets, with solid truly “successful” and thriving businesses. More importantly,  they are also stellar humans. 

Interestingly there’s a lot of lesbians in this group. We have the woman who brought Title IX to Yale, back in the day. She was also the first female plumber in the state. She’s unbelievably awesome. We have an amazing acupuncturist and a landscape architect to die for: all lesbians. Amazing, so cool. 

And in terms of men; stellar men. Incredible to be able to say that; and its true.

One of my mentors and fav’s among uttered, “wow” when i finished reading. Another caught my eye from a distance, beamed at me and gave me the thumbs up.

They’re all human of course, even though i pedistalize them (constant challenge for me). They've al made  gaffs in the building process. I of course LOVE to hear about them. Nothing more fulfilling than hearing about stellar fuckups made by people i so admire. It takes a ton of come to Jesus moments, courage and perseverance to create a business, build it, hone it and nurture it constantly. Beyond belief.

The first thing i thought when sat down was: “is that what i’m supposed to be doing, speaking publicly”? The answer is yes. I’ve known this ALWAYS.

That question came this morning though b/c my energy healing session was about clearing a blockage between my solar and lunar chakras. She said she’d never seen a more perfect and equal imbalance. she was psyched and I was psyched. she cleared it. 

The imbalance was making it impossible for me to live my life’s purpose. 

I knew exactly when the imbalance came in. It happened after the best six years of my adolescence. And ironically i have been through 6 years  physical pain, illness, total annihilation of feeling like Emily. So the six year thing she thought was incredible. I guess the jig is up.

What i learned: ANYTIME one has pain or feet issues it is because they are having Lunar issues. FASCINATING to me! Can you imagine if we all did energy healing instead of taking pills or having surgery? WTF!!!!!

Anyway a part of me got scared when she talked about showing up now authentically.  Could i do that after mastering looking like i was showing up authentically so well? What would that feel like?

I talked to her about how I am able to create great intimacy, make people laugh, connect, when i speak publicly. So I am living my life purpose..sort of; the blockage part is that i keep the all at a 5 feet distance. 

She asked about friendships; which ironically my former therapist asked me recently through an FB chat we were having. I said i have them; very close one’s but i never see them; any of them. it’s always been a source of great pain.

I don’t have daily intimacy. It makes me so so sad. You know those people who command the stage and can’t bear talking intimately with a group? I’m not that person. I have very intimate interchanges and time with close friends ..but it’s far from often. And when i do I then go home alone, and spend inordinate amounts of time alone.

Some of that is okay..but id prefer less at this point. Pain and illness have made that alone time grow; but it has been there since as early as I can remember.

And while i would love a best friend/partner who makes me laugh and with whom i can go to the movies, hang out, talk about nothing and everything with; i also stay away from it b/c i think it would suck to be with someone who has such intense forward and backwards and ups and downs..id be afraid of bringing them down and of becoming dependent upon them.

I know. I have a fear of true intimacy. I come by it so honestly it’s beyond.

I blocked off from true intimacy b/c performing was exhausting; performing in real life. i learned in my house that revealing all of me was going to receive very intense judgment and rejection.

Ive had two long term lesbian relationships. They were both abusive. Im so different now; that would not happen. And i think the right person will show up when the time is right; but i keep feeling like that may be close. I have a great curiosity as to what that will look like. It will be something i’ve never known before. This much I know.

I’m writing all of this b/c during the energy healing session my feet were buzzing. Afterwards i was able to walk in my adidas flip flops with the nubs comfortably for the first time in months. I was elated.

I thought...this shit works.

I talked about my very clear image of myself in my 60′s galavanting all over the globe with a partner having the time of my life; pain free; joyful, healthy. She asked that i write about the crazy creative that i was at Far Brook when i was a kid; when i was encouraged every day to be as insane and out there as I could possibly be. 

My surrogate grandfather Mr. Finckle, would sit in the back of the hall while i did this larger than life evangelical thing. He loved it. My friend Donna would play some soap opera music and gospel music and i would just go. If I was watching myself now i think i’d find it hilarious. I was off my rocker in the best possible way.

I did this every day all day for 6 years. I laughed straight for 6 years. it never occurred to me to button up or quiet down. My music, humor, authentlic prowess, improv gifts were living LARGE. It was a magical creative faucet turned on and flowing at full force.

That’s me. That’s my essence. 

I remember being at a visual art opening this past winter  at a crystal gallery (yeah, really). I was being told as the artist was playing her violin. That not only did she create art. she was clearly a musician, and a writer. I thought: Jesus  this art is hideous; but regardless, she has as show and is playing her music at her show and people are here loving all of it! WTF.  And i thought, i too am a musician and an artist..and used to produce on full throttle. What happened to her?

So this morning...i was wondering after i read that piece: “was i being authentically me?” I know i was talking to a bunch of  business people...but i think i was being me.

Im working on that really consciously now. I told my energy healer that really me is kind of messy looking and tatted abundantly. I wasn’t messy enough today for sure. And i would LOVE a few more tattoos.

I walked by a  woman looking like an artist coming home from yoga yesterday. She was disheveled and nothing matched. And i thought she was stunning. She made me feel completely at home. She was a huge reflection of me at my most creative self. She would have been floored had i told her how much i loved her look.

So i am trying to button down  big time; to be me in the realm of business and the real world..and watching; seeing what that might be. 

I write all of this because i left my networking meeting early. I was in a fuck load of pain. My foot is not healed. My knees were killing me. another part of my foot was really hurting and i though omfg i think i restrained the right ankle area again..this is of course not the left ankle that is always stressed and restraining if i have the boot on. 

A couple of people asked me why was there if i was in pain. I was completely flummoxed and searching for the answer. Why was I there when i was in pain?

Because i didn’t want to be in pain; because i thought i’d be okay. Because i rarely cancel on business things. Lately I'm cancelling more and not feeling guilty.

I was so fucking mad at my pain this morning. I told people i was mad, over it. Tired of shelling out cash like an ATM to heal myself. O.V.E.R. IT!

I get to say that. I so get to say that.

Im over the shame and i’m over the isolation it causes..i do everything in my power to heal. I seek every possible Western and alternative person on the planet..and still I am in  pain. 

I’m also confused and not sure how to proceed. I’m not good at figuring it out.

And because i’m me, this is what i think: There is something that i am not getting. There is something about my souls path that i am not answering. 

That’s why i ask: “am i supposed to be speaking and not building this business?” Logic to me, and the inner voice says, “yes, that’s right.”

My life should flow. My life can flow. My life is not flowing. 

When i’m in pain its really hard to be positive. Someone used the word “positivity” today at our meeting..a visitor. No one in our group would use that word. I wouldn’t be in a group that did. I would be throwing up all over the group if that was the case. I can’t stand that word. 

It’s complete bullshit. You have to get the core of your shit to feel positive..i think i’m at my core. I cannot stand “words or quotes of the times”..horrifying.

I also wonder: "If i start speaking publicly will my physical pain just go away?”

I’m an unbelievable magical thinker. So i think that’s what the universe is waiting for. 

For today i will wear my cool blue Bomba’s peds with my Adidias flip flops b/c for some reason that seems to ease the pain a bit. I think it’s just because the feeling of the nubs takes over.

I have no cohesive ending here; i’m just ending.