#god i've been telling myself to finish this for literal actual years

[snapscube]

I FINISHED TURNABOUT BIG TOP! Which means here is my updated autopsy report ranking for cases and characters!

Both have actually shifted around quite a bit so you may find it an interesting update. I'll explain some of my current thoughts on the new placements as well as my thoughts on 2-3 in general below a break if ur curious.

Okay so first thing let's just address the elephant in the room: We have an all new category on the character ranking!! One that I sure wish I didn't have to include but unfortunately Big Top made some... very Interesting decisions with specific characters. It would be one thing if this content was featured and then addressed, but it was particularly off-putting and frustrating to me that everything was played entirely straight?? So yeah. New lowest of the low category for a couple freaks who are actively courting a 16 year old!!!! yayyyyyy

OTHERWISE, I do have to say.... I was really pleasantly surprised at 2-3 as a case. I can say now I completely understand people having a distaste for it especially in regards to the unsavory age gaps, but literally..... almost everything else in this case was well put together and generally on-par with the quality of the rest of the series? As an overall package I actually still find Turnabout Samurai infinitely more dull. Like, maybe it's just because the lead-up to actually playing it was so uniquely frustrating for me and forcibly lowered my expectations by a ton, but there was so much good shit in Big Top. Maya, in particular, is in top form during this case. She is so fucking funny. I loved almost every word that came out of her mouth and it really solidified her top spot in the character ranking for me at present. But past that, I think the second half of this case is EXTREMELY strong compared to its opening half. I'll admit during the first trial section I was getting kinda tired with it and finding it hard to care given how much I just do not root for Max, so I had tentatively placed it at bottom of C tier. But then once von Karma arrives in the investigation section and then Acro's storyline enters the equation I really think it finds its footing. I actually found the last few scenes of the trial very emotionally effective, especially Acro's breakdown at the witness stand and mentioning how he couldn't follow through with taking his own life to escape his crime due to his desire to see his brother wake up. Like... I legitimately teared up.

And FURTHERMORE.... von Karma. Oh my god. I don't know if I'm picking up on anything here, nor do I want to know until I maybe see it for myself, but something about her conduct in the final trial really spoke to me. I feel like a surface read makes it apparent that she's just as frustrated as she is because she's losing the case to Wright again, and I do think that's a huge factor still to her reaction... but I don't know, I felt something else with her. Particularly when it came to her reaction towards Acro's attempted murder of Regina. I felt like she came across as PARTICULARLY disgusted towards that revelation and towards her own client in a way that subtly humanized her and had me just CHUCKLING AND CHORTLING in evil anticipation towards potential character arcs. I really hope I've grasped onto something here because... I love her so much. I love the idea that in spite of her reputation we're still gonna get to see this spark of humanity light up. AHHHHH.

Okay. Anyway. In summary:

I understand why people have a distaste for Big Top now, but it does not change the fact that I desperately wish I had been given the chance to experience the story myself going into it without that baggage. It genuinely did not help my experience in the slightest to just have that cloud of expectation over it and it is generally irritating that I couldn't even bring up that I was playing it without people jokingly apologizing to me or telling me that I wouldn't be able to handle it or whatever. Really not a great vibe.

As a case, it has a couple MAJOR, GLARING points of discomfort but I'm still really glad I gave it a chance and was able to find a lot of good in it anyway. It inspired me to unfortunately lower some of my other rankings because this is what I kind of consider a more middle-of-the-road quality for the series now. Solid B tier. I have played much worse.

Maya Fey is a god damn treasure.

As for some of the other character shifts, particularly in relation to some of the characters who got bumped from S to A rank, that's less because I decided I like them less now than I did when I first ranked them and more that I decided my initial interpretation of my feelings was incongruent in some cases. Like, for example I LOVE Mia I really do she's great, but in no way at this current time is she on the same level as Maya or Lana for me. So I just needed to adjust the ratios a bit.

Anyway, I'll be back eventually with posts about the next case and the last one of AA2! :3 I hear it's pretttyyy long but pretttyyy damn GOOD. Can't wait.

[scarrletmoon]

About Powder Blue

This is going to be long. There are going to be discussions of suicide and trauma. This is going to be a bit of a jumbled mess because I can't tell a linear story to save my life. Don't feel like you need to read this, now or ever.

If you're wondering what the issues with PB were, and looking for what's next, read the indented text and skip the rest if you want!

I've had a bit of a...tumultuous relationship with the OFMD fandom. I've made close friends and lost them, made even closer friends who've very patiently reminded me of my worth when I needed that. I'm at a point where I'm still struggling, but I'm getting better. I'm still working on not being afraid. It's a bit of an uphill battle, but I'm still pushing my little boulder. I'm not alone this time, which is nice.

I entered the fandom as a nobody. I had almost 50 fics on AO3 and two had mildly popped off while I wasn't looking, but I wasn't really known for anything. I was a fandom ghost, posting my little fanfics and sharing them with the world because I just enjoyed the characters so much. Like a lot of people, I dreamed of being known for something. I thought that'd be neat.

I'm still in a state of shock and confusion that I've written anything in the past 2 years that people remember and even love. It's weird to be in a place where I never imagined myself to be. I can't stress enough how much I did not write explicit fic before this fandom; in high school, I would've welcomed a porn ban. I was afraid of my own sexuality, convinced it was some sort of monster I had to control. Convinced I was dirty. To other people my age, I was a prude, naive and childish for not being comfortable with it. So I feel for people who lash out now, who insist that attraction is actually fetishization, that if we set enough rules, maybe if we resist temptation, we'll be saved. I see you, and I feel for you. I personally don't think that's a healthy way to live, but if you'd told me that 2 years ago, I would've cussed you out. It's really a realization you have to come to (or not) on your own terms.

Anyway.

I know it's tacky to talk about your own success but it doesn't feel real. I go back and forth, reading other people's work -- and my god, there's some unbelievable talent in this fandom -- and thinking "shit, why would anyone read anything I've written? My stories are kindergarten finger paintings next to museum masterpieces". I am learning, slowly -- very slowly -- that I can't bully myself into a shape I like better. I'll never abuse myself into the kind of writer I think I want to be.

The first chapter of Powder Blue was written on a random day of the week after work. I was in a server -- the first fandom server I'd properly joined and talked in, watching a convo about how funnyt it would be for Ed to be a middle aged sugar baby -- when I pulled out my laptop and wrote for an hour and then posted that chapter to the server. I hadn't written for five years before OFMD. I had never finished a multi chapter fic. I posted that chapter and went to make dinner, and assumed the Google Docs link would get lost in that channel after a few likes.

That's not what happened.

The next few months were...a lot. My 7 year old Twitter account blew up from about 200 followers to 1000 in a matter of months. I was misinterpreted half a dozen times. Suddenly, people knew who I was and had Opinions. Some of those Opinions were Not Nice. I was told to grow a thick skin and get over it. So I figured my extreme reactions -- physical shaking, intense fear, a spiking heart rate, like I was being chased -- were just me being weak. I thought if I just sucked it up and laughed it off, it'd stop affecting me.

Turns out RSD is real and not an excuse I was using to be a baby, and it literally didn't get better until I was medicated! Wild

(This -- "I'm just overreacting and everyone else is secretly handling it better" -- has been a pretty consistent pattern my entire life, so figuring out I'm actually AuDHD has been mindblowing. If you've been wondering why you're so weak your whole life, I've got some screening tests you might be interested in).

Anyway my point is, a few things happened over the course of 2023 that brought me to a level of emotional pain I've never experienced.

At the start of the year, I was taking a self imposed internet break, after being forced to apologize for a tweet thread about Izzy, where I'd made the mistake of suggesting that fans of his should consider thinking about why they enjoy his character, but to only do this if they wanted to and ignore me if they didn't. This was taken as me being a hypocrite, and accusing Izzy fans of being terrible people. I apologized, vowed to never mention him again, and left Twitter for a month. Around the same time, a few things in a very close friend group went very wrong. I assumed it was entirely my fault for misbehaving, picked myself up, and tried to punish myself into a shape that would be acceptable for other people.

It didn't work.

Since I was now marked as an anti-Izzy bully, I couldn't say anything -- either on Twitter or in private -- that wouldn't be interpreted as me trying to start fights, as me being passive aggressive, as me trying to send covert messages for others to decipher so they could come and grovel for my forgiveness. Some of this is my fault -- it took a long time to learn than my private locked Twitter account isn't a diary. it took even longer for me to learn that maybe the people I was hanging out with weren't my people.

During all of this, I was posting Powder Blue after months of tears, pain, heartbreak, frustration and stress. I still don't understand why people write books for work or FUN. It was the most horrific experience of my life. It was valuable and so rewarding but jesus christ did writing PB take a lot out of me.

So as I felt less connected to my friends, as I was trying to hide how I felt because I thought I didn't deserve to be upset about anything (everything is always my fault, you see, and if I just behaved better, these things wouldn't happen to me), someone came to me and said they'd noticed some issues with Powder Blue. I'll refer to this person as the reader.

I was more than happy to hear them out. And it's true that I made some mistakes. The environment that I published PB in was not the one that I wrote it in. I didn't read any other sugar daddy/sex work fics as I was working on PB. PB was never a reaction to those fics. But because of those stories, which had handled things is harmful ways, there was suddenly a responsibility I'd never expected to have. I've never done sex work, I've just spent a lot of time listening to sex workers and trying to understand the legislation and environment as much as I can as a lay person. And since I don't have a personal experience with sex work, I shared my finished but rough draft with the reader, who did.

The problem, ultimately, is not something I could ever have fixed to their satisfaction. The fic doesn't involve dubious consent on a level that I think warrants an archive warning tag -- I tried to make it explicitly clear that Ed never does anything he doesn't want to, and that he's never coerced. The issue is that the nature of Ed and Stede's relationship is inherently uneven -- Stede is rich, and although he gives Ed money that's his to keep, Ed still isn't as obscenely wealthy as Stede is. Ed is poor and has been for a while. He's good at whatever he chooses to do, but he's struggling. That's a very uncomfortable spot to put Ed in. I also put Ed through some things that I've personally been through, as a way to work through my feelings and to try and better understand myself. If I was acting like Ed in real life, the reader is right that it would be concerning. But, importantly, Ed's not real. Nothing in this story is happening to a real person. Nothing in this story is an endorsement of any of his behaviours or unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I still believe the reader had good intentions -- the amount of effort they put into coming to me would be utterly bizarre for someone who was just looking to be cruel for no reason. But that also doesn't change the fact that being told I was having a trauma response and needed to stop working on the fic immediately, pushed me into the most suicidal period I've ever experienced.

That's not their fault. I'm sure that wasn't their intention. I've chosen to not try and find out who they are, or try to contact them again to respect their privacy. Some of the things people said to me, publicly dismissing the reader's pain, were so harrowing to read that it made me feel worse for ever writing PB in the first place. They were right to stay anonymous.

I'm sure the reader never meant for me to have such a massive breakdown that I took down the entire fic and left Twitter (and a few friend groups). It's been difficult to understand that just because someone didn't mean to hurt me, doesn't change the fact that I was hurt.

One silver lining is that I did go and find a new therapist. She's great! And she also thinks that how the reader tried to bring things up to me was wrong. As the reader obviously saw, I have a lot of Trauma, so I'm still not entirely convinced that I didn't deserve what happened to me. I'm not angry at them. I appreciate their concern. I just can't do what they asked of me. In the end, Powder Blue was not a story that was right for them. And that's okay.

My point in detailing all of this, is that I stayed quiet for a long time because I didn't think I deserved to tell my part of the story. I was scared that when people said they respected my choice to take down the fic, that they agreed I'd some something impossibly harmful. People trusted my judgement but I didn't trust myself. But people didn't know that I didn't trust myself.

Additionally, reader can't speak on this without revealing themself in some way. I'm terrified that they might read this and say something anyway. My biggest fear is becoming the kind of writer who sees negative criticism and pushes on anyway, or even blocks people who disagree with me. I don't want to hurt anyone the way I've been hurt.

BUT I've been holding onto this for months. I cannot write a perfect fic that will never trigger anyone. I will never write a meaningful story that won't hurt someone, no matter my intentions. There IS a way to admit you fucked up, or a way to listen and disagree, without turning into a raging asshole. I'm struggling to find that line. I'm hoping I'm making the right choice here.

And honestly, I'm just soft. I am so fucking soft. I talk a big game but I am so soft that a single person poking at my trauma caused me to break down so severely that my partner was legitimately afraid for me. I am learning that this softness doesn't mean I should become a crueler person to cope. But it's hard. There are going to be people who see this post and think I'm being a whiny crybaby looking for attention and pity. And I just have to deal with that.

Anyway. All previous chapters of PB will be up soon. Read them or don't. I will do my best to add more detailed trigger warnings. And I would personally suggest that if you're worried about any of the content in the fic, to run these worries past a friend who's read the fic, because they'll know you better than I ever will. Please don't read Powder Blue if you think it'll harm you. I would rather have fewer readers than triggered ones.

If there's anything I've missed that you think I need to address, know that my inbox is open, that anon is on, and that I'm not in the business of retaliating against people who come to me with an issue, even if they're a dick to me while they're doing it. I'm not going to dismiss someone because they weren't nice to me while they were upset. I'm a bitch but I'm not that kind of bitch.

So. Thank you for waiting for this fic. Thank you for waiting for me. We've got something like 16 chapters to go, and I can't tell you when they'll be up, or if they'll be up soon. But thank you for loving this story. I can't tell you how much that means to me, especially now.

Love,

Scarr

[teaandspite]

The Great Goodreads Diss List (Part 2)

[part 1]

"I've read a few books where the authors should have quit while they were ahead. Occasionally that spot is after they've written down the title."

"As boring as watching my grandma knit"

"if I hear the word 'countless' used to describe what we were repeatedly told were exactly one million ships ever again, I think I'll find something to throw myself off."

"The only crime in this novel worth investigating is the one the author has committed against the English language."

"The breasts of every woman that appeared in this book were described."

"The best thing I can say about this book is that it's diverting. The worst thing I can say is not printable."

"This book could have been an email."

"Someone take the damned thesaurus away from [author]."

"This book is so bad that I literally joined Goodreads just so I could vent about it."

"Why does everybody keep falling for him? He has the emotional range of a potholder."

"as if a spavined mule was trying to do the tango to the music of Iron Maiden."

"too much wrapping and not enough content."

"Can I get a horror comic with real monsters and not a metaphorical one please."

"OH MY GOD WHEN WILL SOMEONE GET MURDERED ALREADY?"

"I did not read this I’m just a hater." 

"Sometimes, if it takes you 10 years to write a book, you just shouldn't." 

"I'd recommend vcr manuals over this."

"She actually wrote 'molten gaze'! Ack!"

"Those poor, tortured metaphors."

"This book only gets a star because the fact that I like words coincides with the fact that it contained words."

"I will proceed to chronicle my transition from literature enthusiast to broken shell of a woman"

"A shortbread tin Brigadoon piece of nonsense"

"It pains me to write this review, almost as much as it pained me to finish this book."

"'Empurpled' is a word that should never be used to describe genitalia. It should, however, be used to describe your prose."

"Well I mean, at least I'll have a new joke to tell my therapist this week."

[buddhamethods]

10 BL Characters I Want Carnally

AKA I'm just a person with two keen eyes and dubious morals when it comes to enjoying media so don't take it seriously, I'm here for a good time.

Thank you @sndrys for tagging me! This was an eye opening experience putting this together. As it turns out I might have a type (ew).

1) Guy from Bake Me Please (2023)

The sole reason for me creating this list! Look, I dropped Bake Me Please almost immediately because it just wasn't for me BUT I've been lowkey watching through my dash. And let me tell you, my fingers gain consciousness and hit reblog everytime this baby's face pops up because...well...LOOK AT HIM. He is beautiful and he should get the guy (hehe get it) in the end idc.

2) Yok from Not Me (2021)

Yok is such a beloved character and for good reason! He is sexy, he is gay, he sets buildings on fire and steals cops' wallets on accident because HOW WAS HE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT GUY HE WAS STALKING WAS A COP??? I love you Yok, never change.

3) Palm from Never Let Me Go/ OurSkyy2 (2022-23)

The anger I felt for all the injustice and mistreatment our beautiful Palm had to face in this show took literal years off my life. It's rare for me to get this passionately protective over a character and yet here we are, in the Palm Protection Squad headquarters. Even Nueng is on the watchlist!

4) Tonhon from Tonhon Chonlatee (2020)

Not to out myself as an enjoyer of silly goofy times , but I did have fun watching Fish Upon The Sky and Secret Crush On You, so OFCOURSE I thought I would like this one too but GOD was it rough. Did I still finish it? Yes. Did I fawn over PoddKhao pairing and have been quietly praying for some kind of reunion ever since? Also yes. Was I foaming at the mouth barking everytime Tonhon AKA Podd was on my screen? I'm not gonna comment without lawyer present.

5) Tew from My Dear Gangster Oppa (2023)

Speaking of Tonhon Chonlatee...AH! Ai Long Nhai (TC's spiritual prequel of sorts) was sure...something. And by something I mean I saw Meen and decided I will never speak ill of men ever again, feminism quite literally left my body. And then a year later My Dear Gangster Oppa came out and guess what??! MEEN IS THE GANGSTER OPPA! Dreams really do come true, kids.

6) Wen from Moonlight Chicken (2023)

(or Tian from ATOATS or Mueang Nan fron FUTS). Mix...I will eat you. Always so dewy and healthy and sparkly-eyed. But Wen from Moonlight Chicken is something out of the realm of my imagination. The sex appeal? The maturity?? The gentleness??!! Somebody sedate me before I say something I will not be able to justify in court.

7) Vee from Love Mechanics (2022)

He is a pretty bisexual who makes the most abhorrent stupid decisions known to men and then weeps and suffers for them WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED? Once again, is the show flawless or even remotely coherent? Absolutely not. That being said Vee brought me so much joy by being stupid I'm forever grateful.

(also YinWar are so back GO WATCH JACK AND JOKER TRAILER)

8) Prapai from Love In The Air (2022)

To a certain extent I've enjoyed every MAME show I've watched. To do that you need to possess the rare ability called "I abandoned every shred of moral integrity to gawk at hot men". And Prapai? MAN is this bitch hot. Tall dark handsome? Check! Bisexual on a bike? Check! Stubborn and annoying? CHECK!

9) Xiang Hao Ting from HIStory3: Make Our Days Count (2019)

*incoherent wailing and sobbing* IM NOT EXPLAINING SHIT ABOUT HIM LEAVE ME ALONE

10) AlanJeff from Pit Babe (2023)

My newest obsession! I refuse to separate our local senior citizen and his favorite prophetic mechanic. Both of them are hot as shit in their own way. Alan is a sexy dilf with so much weight and responsibility on his shoulders it's a miracle he retained his optimism and youthful awkwardness. And Jeff is a prickly baby-cow-baby-deer eyed baby that is so touch starved it's actually a little funny. SO I GUESS ALANJEFF SANDWICH IT IS.

(don't be shy tag yourselves besties <3)

[givesupp]

The Ones Who Live (episode 4 spoilers)

My head feels like it's going to implode in on me and I just need to vomit my thoughts somewhere before it does. I remember hearing about the The Walking Dead (literally everyone and their mother was talking about it). I remember never wanting to watch it because it was SO popular and I've never been a huge fan of watching anything while it was still going live and everyone was into it. I'm weird IDK.

I had just finished up another TV series and was feeling empty, as one usually does and just wanted to dive into a new series. I chose The Walking Dead, finally deciding to give it a chance. I binged the first 4 seasons on Netflix and as I was doing this, it was literally becoming life saving. Only a few short years prior to starting the series I had just started dealing with severe depression. It was crippling. IYKYK. And to make a long story short, falling in love with this show, falling in love with Rick Grimes gave me something to hold on to.

'It's just a show' - this has been said to me many times. But it's not just a show to me. It's a lifeline. Its taking an inspiring moment and grabbing it with the only strength you have left and burning it into your head because if they can do it you can do it. You'll think about it the next time you feel like you can't get out of bed because there just isn't a point. It's taking a character and watching him fight for his sons life while everyone around belittles his character as a father and leader and using that the next time you feel like your chest is about to cave in from the sheer force of anxiety that just hit you like a mack truck. And you think about this character persevering while you sit in the corner of your bathroom floor with a cold rag on your face just simply trying to breathe.

So many examples, so many moments TWD has breathed life back into me when nothing else could.

And then Richonne.

RICHONNE.

Oh my god, what a fucking absolute treasure to emerge from this series. The slowburn of it, the showcasing of patience and friendship, love and trust and overcoming loss and hardships - together.

Finding your person. Camaraderie. True, real love. A soulmate. This? Despite loss, death at the hands of others, death at the hands of your own, tragedy, hopelessness, mental illness, losing your child? I can't even find words to express what Rick and Michonne mean to me separately, but as a couple? I am unable to express in words because it just would not do justice to what they actually represent to me in my own personal life.

Nearly a month ago we were given The Ones Who Live episode 1. And I remember watching that and having to physically remove myself from my home, go outside, sit down on the ground and reflect while sun soaking near a river. That's how blown away I was over the writing, the story, the emotions centered around this character that I have watched and grown to love over years.

Episode 4? EPISODE 4 is a fucking WELLSPRING of emotions, struggle with mental wellness, disagreement, unconditional love, immense hurt, understanding and patience. A relationship struggling to be what it was, if not anything at all. A broken man and a broken woman. A son, who has DIED years ago still finding a way to be the one who brings his parents back together. Who brings strength to his dad even after all this time...

Carl placed in the palm of his fathers hand as a sketch on a broken phone breathing life back into him. This, from his wife. Finding a way to save him. Giving him a sense of purpose, meaning back to him after he declared his own death not that long ago because he could not and does not ever want to live without her.

You cannot tell me that this show isn't important.

That it isn't life saving.

That it isn't at the very least forcing us to reflect and discuss and acknowledge our own lives, our own relationships, our own mental health, our own circumstances, our -

No.

This isn't just a show to me.

Thanks for reading my vomit novel.

[jadelotusflower]

Rewatch: Return to Oz (1985)

I've been on a bit of an Oz kick recently, revisiting the original Baum books and of course anticipating Wicked coming out later this year (which I'm managing expectations for to avoid disappointment).

Return to Oz was a staple (and nightmare fuel) for many a millennial childhood, at the tail end of the "dark fantasy" era popularised by The Neverending Story and The Dark Crystal, the antithesis of the Technicolour, musical world of MGM's The Wizard of Oz - a dystopian future that reflects the fracturing of Dorothy's mind and her inability to reconcile the trauma of her previous Kansas-Oz journey.

Return lives in a sort of mirror world to the 1939 film, taking elements such as the ruby slippers (for which Disney had to pay MGM a hefty fee), but returning to the original illustrations for the character designs, and drawing inspiration from Baum's novels but not explicitly adapting them. It also returns Dorothy to a child rather than Garland's quasi-teenager, which is important as I feel Baum (an advocate of women's suffrage) had a keen interest in the empowerment of girls as the heroes of their own stories.

To evoke that other turn of the century fantasy classic, Dorothy is to early modern American folklore as Alice is to English, and if The Wizard of Oz is Wonderland, Return to Oz is Through the Looking Glass. In fact Return relies heavily on the mirror motif, not only literally, in the mirror that entraps Ozma, but Ozma herself as a mirror to Dorothy. Return also takes the Kansas/Oz dichotomy from the film in reflecting people Dorothy knows in Kansas to characters of Oz (a concept not found in the books), but while in Wizard it’s Dorothy’s trio of friends that are personified in the Scarecrow, Tinman, and Cowardly Lion, in Return it is her trio of antagonists from Kansas who appear in Oz - the Dr Worley/The Nome King, Nurse Wilson/Mombi, and the Orderly/Wheeler.

Her Oz friends in Return are instead pulled from inanimate objects - Ozma gives her a pumpkin that personifies in Jack Pumpkinhead, Tik-Tok resembles the "Electrical Therapy" machine with the face, and the gump...well, I guess they forgot about that one.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Fairuza Balk was just 11 but has a compelling screen presence - her Dorothy is troubled and serious, befitting the overall darker tone of the film. While she would go on to embody "witchy" energy in later roles, here there's a world-weariness yet innate strength to her Dorothy.

Aunt Em helpfully tells us it's been six months since the tornado and Dorothy can't sleep. Her body may be back in Kansas, but her mind remains in Oz.

The film doesn't really pick a lane between the "it was all a dream" of the 1939 film and the "Oz is an actual place" of the books, leaving it for the viewer to decide. We are told the old house was "lost" but that can suit either interpretation, same with the OZ key being either delivered by shooting star or the key to the old house (as Em posits). Dorothy's inability to sleep is either unresolved trauma from the tornado, or longing to return to her friends in Oz and/or sensing that there is trouble in Oz.

I'm much more sympathetic to Em as an adult - she has a husband unable or unwilling to finish building the new house, Dorothy won't stop rabbiting on about nonsense rather than helping with chores, and she has to borrow money from her sister to pay for medical treatment to try and cure Dorothy's insomnia.

Justice for Aunt Em! Played with grace by three-time Oscar nominee Piper Laurie (for The Hustler, Carrie, and Children of a Lesser God respectively).

Poor Toto doesn't get to come on this adventure, but hey, he's still around, guess Mrs Gulch didn't make good on her threat to have him destroyed (or she died in the tornado, which is probably likely given the Witch's fate).

Just a guy patronizing a child that the machine intended to surge electricity through her brain is perfectly safe because it has a face.

But there is a face in the machine - Ozma, stuck in the glass.

Nicol Williamson is our villain, with a fantastic voice. Mostly known for theatre and Shakespeare, you may remember him as Merlin from that other dark fantasy classic Excalibur, or as Little John from Robin and Marian.

Jean Marsh is our witch, complete with black gown and pointed sleeves - to continue our fantasy bingo she was Queen Bavmorda in Willow (which I've actually never seen) and Rose in the original Upstairs Downstairs (which I've never seen either). She'll always be creepy Mombi to me.

We see Ozma in the glass again before she appears in Dorothy's room, ethereal barefoot child gifting her a carved pumpkin because "it's Halloween soon". Okay, whatever you have to do to get there.

On that note, the screenplay was written by Gill Dennis (who would go on to co-write Walk the Line) and Walter Murch, who also directed. Murch was film school friends with George Lucas, and they wrote THX-1138 together - Lucas has a "special thanks" credit on this film. Murch worked steadily in sound design and editing (nominated for 10 Oscars with 4 wins), but after Return was a box office failure he never directed another film, which is a real shame.

Dorothy "combs" the pumpkins hair, which I find very charming.

The growing tension of Dorothy's isolation, being strapped to the gurney, the squeaking wheels, the far-off screaming: this is a horror film for children.

My sister and I used to re-create Ozma and Dorothy's escape on our grandmother's porch all the time.

Because we’re in a mirror, the streaming river of Kansas becomes the deadly desert of Oz - water, of course, also being a mirror and common pathway/doorway between worlds.

Billina the hen also appears, because Dorothy needs an animal companion, who can now talk because she is in Oz. The question is whether Toto could also talk, as all animals can in Oz, and simply chose not to (iirc in the books he didn't because he could "make himself understood" without words or something). The chicken puppetry is really quite good, I'll always prefer puppets/animatronics over cgi.

The voice of Billina is provided by Denise Bryer, who was the "junk lady" in Labyrinth (have we got that bingo yet?).

Another reflection - the packed lunch that was taken from Dorothy at the sanitarium in Kansas is returned to her in the form of a lunch pail tree in Oz, which leans towards the reading that Oz is a projection of Dorothy's mind as a way to cope and resolve/repair the traumas of her Kansas life.

Dorothy comes across her old house that is seemingly not in Munchkinland, the broken remains of the yellow brick road nearby. How much time has passed in Oz? Since everyone was turned to stone it could be hundreds of years and we're in a Narnia situation - at least long enough for a forest to grow where there once was a munchkin town square.

Glinda is conspicuous by her absence - probably because the plot couldn't happen if she was around.

Also absent are any stone munchkins which has very dark implications - the Emerald City still has ruins and stone inhabitants, but Munchkinland has been completely obliterated.

lol, Dorothy runs to the Emerald City in literally minutes, a journey that previously took half a film.

Sleep well, kids!

If we go with the interpretation that Oz is a manifestation of Dorothy's mind (maladaptive daydreaming?), it is interesting how she projects people and objects from her real life into her fantasy life - obviously her threats in the sanitarium become the villains, but the Electric Shock machine becomes Tik-Tok, her erstwhile protector. In this, she transforms a threat into an ally, and yet much is made that he isn't, and cannot be, "alive."

Many of the elements of this film - Billina, the Wheelers, Tik-Tok, the Nome King, and the princess with a hundred heads - came from Ozma of Oz, while Ozma herself, Jack Pumpkinhead, and the witch Mombi (combined in this film with Princess Langwidere) originate in the earlier The Marvellous Land of Oz, with a different backstory.

Oh to be a wicked witch, playing a mandolin, in a gilded, mirrored palace.

I enjoy this costume! Reflective of the high structured sleeves of nurse but sharp to emphasise the danger Mombi poses, and with the same mechanical accents/coloiur scheme as the Wheelers

Those cabinets full of heads are still so creepy. The way they watch Dorothy - are they alive and aware the whole time? Horrifying.

Jack Pumpkinhead was voiced by a young Brian Henson (who also acted as puppeteer).

I always used to fast-forward the scene where Dorothy steals the key and gets chased by headless Mombi as a kid, it was just too tense.

I mean maybe this isn't scary to kids today, but it sure freaked the fuck out of me. Especially with all of those heads screaming in their cabinets.

But how exactly was zombie Mombi snoring without a head?

Interesting that the cabinet with Mombi's original head is the only one without transparent glass, but instead has a mirror. Her original head is also kept in cabinet 31, which was Dorothy's room in the sanitarium. As a kid I was always dead set that Oz was real and Dorothy really went there, but now I'm leaning more towards Oz as a manifestation, or at least a world directly influenced and constantly adapting based on Dorothy's experiences. Was she unable to sleep in Kansas because she knew Oz was in trouble, or was Oz in trouble because of her mental discord?

"If his brain's run down, how can he talk?" "It happens to people all the time Jack!" is a nice callback to "Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking don't they?"

In which we strain the metaphor.

But all these mirrors also serve a story purpose as well as a metaphorical one - the mirror world is where Mombi has trapped Ozma, so she can look on every surface and see her victory. The mirror is also a connection with the real world, and how Ozma can reach Dorothy and draw her back to Oz. Mirrors are reflections, but they are also doorways, as we see in this very scene as Ozma directs Dorothy to the right passage to get back up to the tower.

We also get another Dorothy/Ozma parallel, in which she becomes a surrogate mother to Jack in place of Ozma, his creator.

There's almost some social commentary in the Nome King's grievances: "All the previous stones in the world are made here in my underground dominions...so imagine how I feel when someone from the world above digs down and steals my treasures? All those emeralds in the Emerald City really belong to me. I was just taking back what was mine to begin with." But of course he didn't just take back the emeralds, he turned the populace to stone or into inanimate objects so that does undercut his point a bit.

Her descent visually recalls (deliberate or not) Alice's fall down the rabbit hole in Wonderland. The VFX are pretty rough though.

Dorothy points out that he has so much, implying perhaps he could share, and the Nome King retorts "that's not the point." It is the point in later books, where under Ozma's leadership the Emerald City is essentially a utopian communal living society.

She also points out that the Scarecrow didn't take the emeralds rather they were there when he was made king, but the film is uninterested in exploring the culpability around generational wealth and repatriation of cultural property.

But it's interesting how much the Oz story revolves around powerful objects and theft and/or appropriation of them. Glinda steals the Witch of the East's ruby slippers and gives them to Dorothy, who then steals the Witch of the West's broom to give to the Wizard, Mombi steals Ozma, someone stole the emeralds from the Nome King, who steals them back, Mombi steals heads, Dorothy steals the Powder of Life, etc etc

At this point the Nome King is merely a face in the stone, but when he comforts Dorothy he starts to takes a more humanoid rock form, with a hand to reach out to her.

Is his sympathy genuine or feigned? I'm going with the latter, since he manipulates her into playing the "guessing game" to try and get the Scarecrow back.

Worst production of Starlight Express ever.

When I was a kid I always wanted to try the limestone pie and hot silver drink, but now it looks super gross.

The Gump chose…poorly.

The Nome King making points again - Dorothy and co didn't ask what would happen if they got it wrong, even Tik-Tok only brings it up after the Gump has already gone in. But they press on in order of most expendable, Jack (with Billina hiding in his head) and then Tik-Tok.

As each get turned into ornaments, we see the Nome King become more and more humanised in his rock form - a nice subtle indication that his motives aren't purely spite and he gains power from turning living (or living-adjacent) things into inanimate objects, the opposite (mirror) of Dorothy's power in turning inanimate objects into living things in the journey from Kansas to Oz. If Dorothy had chosen wrong too, he says he would have become completely human - would he have been able to access the path to the human world? Was his goal to eliminate Oz, the fantasy world, in favour of the human world, much like Worley was obsessed with harnessing electricity and the "modern" world?

It's revealed that Chekhov's ruby slippers that Dorothy earlier told Dr Worley had fallen off on her way back to Kansas the first time were found by the Nome King, and their power enabled him to conquer the Emerald City.

It's unclear whether the rubies were first mined from the Nome King's caverns, but Dorothy really can't complain given the shoes were magicked off the feet of a dead woman and onto her own.

I'm actually surprised that they kept the ruby slippers in given the license fee they had to pay, since nothing really turns on their inclusion, other than the Nome King's offer to send her home with them, allowing Dorothy the choice between her own safety and the lives of her friends, of course the parallel to Worley offering the ECT to wipe her mind of Oz. I do like the callback, but it didn't need to be the ruby slippers rather than some other power the Nome King had.

Hee, the Nome King's little stone feet kicking out of his stone robe with the ruby slippers is so camp.

It is interesting through to think about the chain of events - Dorothy, eager to get back home, lets go of the ruby slippers, they fall into the Nome King's hands, he uses them to conquer Oz and install Mombi, who has imprisoned Ozma in the mirror (at some point long in the past). The fracturing of Oz influences Dorothy's mental state which drives her to Worley, where Ozma is able to contact her through the mirror world and bring her back to Oz, depose the Nome King/Mombi, and restore Ozma to her throne. It's quite neat writing.

There's an interesting green/red dichotomy - red seems to represent the witch's power, the ruby slippers that originally belonged to the Witch of the East, Mombi's ruby key, fire/red smoke being used by the Witch of the West, and even pink was the colour associated with Glinda in the 1939 film, while green represents Oz in the ornaments they turn into, the Emerald City, the Gump is green, etc. Both rubies and emeralds are present in the Nome King's costuming, perhaps indicating that the raw items did come from his dominions.

When Dorothy chooses correctly, the Nome King reverts to his claymation rock form, and the room turns red. I don't think it's explicitly green=good and red=bad (the Witch of the West had green screen after all), but both are associated with power.

I always used to fast forward this sequence as well. The Nomes coming out of the walls? *shudder*

The Nome King, felled by a classic egg poisoning.

Dorothy liberates the ruby slippers from another dead body, lol.

At the celebration in Oz, the costuming does lean heavily into either red or green - so maybe that was just standard complementary colour palette and I'm reading too much into things.

We get a nice long pan over the mirrored ceiling of the parade, just to really hit the point home.

Oh hey, the Wheelers are here too! All is forgiven I guess? Except Mombi, she gets to be paraded about in her cage by the woman whose heads she stole. Hey, at least she's able to smirk about her villainy.

Dorothy turns down queenship of Oz but wishes she "could be in both places at the same time" - the ruby slippers grant her wish and Ozma is released from the mirror.

Ozma's backstory: "Her father was king of Oz before the Wizard came. Ozma grew up as Mombi's slave, but when the Nome King promised Mombi thirty beautiful heads if she kept Ozma a secret, she enchanted her into the mirror." The first part is the much the same in the book, although there we get some interesting gender-bending stuff where Mombi transforms her into a boy name Tip and she doesn't discover her true nature until much later.

Dorothy gives Ozma the ruby slippers, combining the power of green and red (I'm just going with it now), therefore healing the kingdom of Oz from the discord first created when the Wizard arrived (in the book he was the one who gave baby Ozma to Mombi), and drawing Ozma's real world counterpart Dorothy to fix it by deposing the Wicked Witches and then the Nome King. But with Ozma returned, there is no need for Dorothy to remain in Oz, the two sides of herself are split and no longer warring inside her.

Billina however remains, to be Ozma's animal counterpart to Dorothy's Toto.

As a kid I coveted this gown, and I still kind of dig the headdress. Well, the OZ circlet anyway.

I also acted out the pulling Ozma from the mirror scene many times.

Although kind of a bitch move on Ozma's part to send Dorothy back before she could give her proper goodbyes. It's like, off you pop, thanks for freeing me but this is my kingdom now.

Dorothy wakes up beside the river (with a close up of a reflective pool of water/Dorothy's eye), and again, this could either be her actually returned by Ozma, or her simply waking from her delirium.

But the real world counterparts have met the same fate as their Oz reflections - Worley died in the fire and Wilson is carried off in a police cart.

Henry, after the shock of almost losing Dorothy, is motivated to finish building the house, and Dorothy is able to look back fondly at Oz through her reflection, but has learned to keep it a secret and not let it consume her life.

Her trauma is resolved, Oz is at peace; Dorothy and Ozma can live contentedly in parallel, with a connection between both worlds.

This is also a nice callback to the books, where Ozma would check in on Dorothy once a day through her magic mirror to see if she needed her assistance.

Maybe it's just my nostalgia goggles, but this film really holds up for me! Yes the effects are a little dated and it's on the darker side for kid's fare, but overall the story and acting is strong, there's meaty subtext around the importance - but necessary limits - of fantasy as escapism, it unequivocally centers girls/women as the heart of the story with their own agency and harnessing their own power. It's well worth the rewatch.

What do you think? Am I blinded by nostalgia? Reading way too much into a kids movie? Am I just rambling into the void here?

[t00nyah]

If you could make your own video game (think of an idea l and it just snaps into existence somehow) what would it be about and what mechanics would it consist of? What platforms would it be available for? Who's the target demographic? Or anything else you want to ramble about... I like to think of creating my own games sometimes.

haha they dont know i have a joke rpg game i made in a day to test my abilities.

in all seriousness though, i actually did have bigger projects that i never finished... so, just gonna drop that i'm a big fan of RPG maker games, horror ones, PSYCHOLOGICAL horror ones for even better score. and i am kind of a liiiittle experienced with rpg maker.

warning!!

this answer ended up containing a lot of sensitive topics(in my opinion??) and i tried my best to make sure to include them in tags AND before each idea's explanation, please check the tags and not proceed if those topics are sensitive to you personally!!

i had a project that i started making as a vent. that's the closest i had to actually making something. it was called zepphire's lair. zepphire is my sona from 2015 that had very bright neon colours that were probably UNBEARABLE to look at, then i tried redesigning her years later into something pastel. and then, umm... in 2022 i had issues with my style because i used to be VERY caught in 'oh,,,this one line is weird,,,how do people even like my art there's a stray pixel there...god.' and decided to do something about it. this 'something about it' was changing my art style to PURPOSEFULLY unpleasant to look at, messy and annoying. it was bright, i didnt care, and honestly i think it helped with being that critical to myself. anyways. sorry im rambling but it is important

so in 2022, when i had a giant relief of drawing in the most unbearable(and stunning at the same time) art style, i reused zepphire. FUCK PASTEL said me. NEONS ARE GOOD. it was a great decision.

so zepphire's lair was meant to be an rpg game where you play as zepphire. who in her head is still her young self that doesn't have to think about what happened. but in reality, her magical world she was meant to become a god of was destroyed and ruined because she wasn't responsible enough with powers granted to her. she is now the only resident of the Forbidden Location, an alternative world that people could get into by just clipping randomly. like you know when you find a spot in a videogame that doesn't have an invisible wall and you go OH. that. i wasn't sure how to continue working on it because it lacked story to tell as present. it had a past story to unfold, but i had no idea what would happen now. i had a thought of someone getting into FL somehow after long time and zepphire trying to solve this because they're clearly not meant to be there while in her head she's still stuck struggling with herself.

i want to put a little bit of assets i made for zepphire's lair, but since it's all very bright toxic neon i think i'm gonna place them at the veeeery end so you don't have to look at them if you can't stand it.

CW: cartoon blood!! a little bit of it!!

next up is my cool idea of a fangame! so, purrfect apawcalypse is one of my favourite game series. and i've been following it since first one and i have a LARGE fanmade setting set in the same universe! (in fact, two! i also made a reference for kitsune high which is set to be in an agricultural town inhabitated by foxes! it was a cool project)

the game idea was to make an rpg (because, again, that's all i know, lmao) that follows the Chatting club - a school interest club literally dedicated to rumors and just having a good time - as they unveil the secrets their school holds. cats and dogs disappearance cases? rumors of ghost around? who the heck lives in the garden and what're they up to? what is up with the Detective club's president Seraphima? there are many mysteries. it would have an overall vibe of the original novellas' series - a cutesy game about very cute furries and weird magic stuff happening, while also having a little bit...darker tone. like i was actually going to explore a very dark topic with this one but honestly? right now i really don't like the way i wrote it back then. if i were to pick up the idea again i deffo would try to rewrite it and make more sense into it. i like the detective vibe it had going though!

here are some references of the characters that are important to the plot! a lot of twists were planned for this story and i'm not going to tell them all because it's a secret tee-hee.

also as i searched for the refs i found that the working title of the game was 'purrfect meowting'

another concept for a game i had...which is a lot.

CW: contains themes of child neglect, probably abuse, general cat mistreatment, probably a bit of ableism(im unsure about this one) and maybe a bit of weird racism because one of mc's character's parent is weird and very stupid and we are allowed to hate her for that...i hope i mentioned it all.

i have a little ocs setting with three main characters that i refer as 'kitty girls' this story is tragic and is based on idea i had about making a story...about girls...but put them into life situations that would reflect what cats sometimes have to go through bc some humans are trash, but put it through a human lens, although not exactly. it also ended up a story that portrays children who've lost their childhoods for various reasons. idk how to explain.

these are Snowwhite, Rouge and Patches. their names were meant to be reflecting what another one's kitty sona is, but i fucked up, lol.

Showwhite is a picture perfect girl for her parents who's mostly been treated as a prize all her life, making her feel sick of herself. Rouge was neglected by her mom because 'she wasn't born red'(as in orange...like a cat...i used cat allegories every time i explained it but i think the implications are clear enough - her mother wanted her to look different.) and she lived a happy life with her grandparents. and Patches...is a deaf girl whose parents just couldn't take care of her properly so she ended up in an orphanage. she has awful attachment issues.

i won't explain the whole plot but their stories were meant to be kind of a portrayal of how some people treat animals as just objects, things they can just get rid of. a cat of specific breed, bred for specific traits which may be hurtful to it, a cat whose owner just threw it away after it not meeting the expectations, and a general theme of people not wanting to take in cats with injuries that make them 'not pretty' for them. i don't know why im tearing up right now but these make me so upset and i smh wanted to portray these issues though human characters, and while adapting them i realized that those awful stories ended up overlapping with how neglectful parents end up treating their children.

in the end they end up in cat heaven, where they all meet and get to be happy and be themselves. snowwhite learns to love herself for who she is and find out hobbies there, rouge just finally gets friends she lacked. also patches doesn't magically start hearing in cat heaven, she was given an option to but she felt overwhelmed a lot and ended up sticking to being deaf but not treating it as a bad thing, just a different thing.

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BONUS SECTION

i also have this unused character and concept art that i just made bc i finally felt like i could do something back in the day

her working name was 'vogel'

so. returning to zepphire's lair. one thing i forgot to mention earlier is that i also even made OST for it (didn't feel like it would fit the text above). this one is just the theme that plays in the first playable area

main menu theme...is too heavy for tumblr apparently. huh. it's a very simple tune it just goes on for very long (bc there's an easter egg if you listen to it for too long!!!)

next section contains bright images that im gonna put even deeper below!!

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title screen!

intro cutscene! small baby zepphire, and then zepphire acquiring her godmode key, and then ending up becoming a photoshooter!! the camera is important .

here she is!!! the cat herself!!!

a photo that she has in her inventory!! it's mewtona, her sister!

gameplay-wise i was gonna make it so you can collect random photos zepphire made and have to learn the implications of that and what it has to do with 'the photoshooting incident'. it would be somewhat close to omori - part of story is in reality and parts of it in headspace that explains the story.

I THINK that's all. sorry this took so long that was a lot of yapping!!!

[rogueshadeaux]

Slllliiiiiides over here. Hi hello. I don't think I'll do a bad karma run (IM SORRY. IM SORRY!!) cause a) I'm a wimp and b) I need to get off videogames as soon as I'm done cause I've spent too much time playing lately lmao BUT I will be watching playthrougs cause I gotta know how fucked up he gets.... I gotta know...

To clarify i have a pre existing oc from a story that could be very easily flung into a vat of "au juice" because she's already halfway there in her own cannon LMAO we shall see, for now I have a huge list of things I want to draw for this game so I gotta finish 2 before I explode then I can unleash myself on art again. Gotta feed the discord now. I'm cooking for a crowd.

hi i've been dead for 8 days and recuperating for two lol I understand life stuff (and saw some references to it on your timeline, like the warhammer stuff and the tarot card thing??? bro that shit looks so good!!) as someone that literally shared your stuff and then got ripped away for my own life happenings lmfao. But if you get the chance in the future? Seriously, try an evil karma inF2 run. There's something about how they balanced the story that puts its predecessor AND sequel to shame. They're the same story, but different tales. They have the same goal, but different goalposts. SPP gives you a well-thought-out storyline that both is cohesive, but feels like your choices actually matter. It has none of the "I can help this old lady...or kick her fucking dog lol" of inFAMOUS 1, or the "I will fight for the tribe but literally do everything wrong. everywhere. because I'm a Bad Boy™" of inFAMOUS: Second Son. The choices feel real. They feel sound. They feel like the choices a man wronged by the world would make, if he decided to turn to his harbored resentment instead of his morality. And let's be honest, Cole also feels more morally gray in inF2 than 1 anyways, so seeing the path he takes is great because it genuinely feels like he's done with the accumulation of every shitty situation that has happened to him. And I'm sure you know how the story ends now, so...don't you wanna see what happens if he chose the other option? (pls tell me you haven't watched the playthrough yet lmfao)

Anyways yeah no I totally get life shit, it loves to pull you away from stuff, and also as someone only just now trying to do the bad options in Detroit: Become Human despite getting the game at launch because I need 6 years of preparation to be the bad guy, I understand the wimp bit too. It's hard to be mean sometimes. But with Cole's inF2 story, it doesn't feel mean. It feels like a desperate man, trying to fight for a future he's not convinced cares about him.

And yes oh my god please keep creating lmfao we all love your art so goddamn much. Don't leave this fandom you're now a very important asset. And it's always a good thing, throwing old friends into new situations! I love an OC in a wardrobe change. That's usually the best translation. Think a bit harder about forcing that OC into a new role. Shove her ass onto the stage. We'd all love her.

[pridepages]

Mythtaken

I just finished Lies We Sing to the Sea by Sarah Underwood. I have thoughts...

Here there be spoilers!

In the words of an internet philosopher: were you obsessed with greek mythology as a kid or were you straight?

Like many a young sapphic, I've had a passion for the figures of myth: Artemis, Athena, Aphrodite, Penelope, Ariadne, Circe...So when I heard there was a new novel out there putting the women of The Odyssey front and center, I knew I had to read it!

I found myself pretty much alone in my excitement.

I missed the tempest around this book when it hit shelves back in early 2023, but here's the drift:

Lies We Sing to the Sea was marketed as a sapphic reimagining of The Odyssey. However, author Sarah Underwood went on record with a student publication saying she'd never actually read The Odyssey.

This caused about as much hand-wringing and circle-jerking as you might imagine.

Well, as someone who has read The Odyssey (twice), I can tell you with authority:

Fuck Homer.

Sarah Underwood did not actually need to read 'the original' to write a novel that addresses some of the poem's most glaring weaknesses.

Here are a few reasons why:

Lies is not a reimagining of The Odyssey.

That was a poor choice of words made by some marketing person who probably didn't even read the manuscript. Lies is, at best, a very distant sequel to the poem.

Set hundreds of years after the reign of the mighty Odysseus, Lies imagines an Ithaca that is still laboring under Poseidon's curse. The mechanism for this curse hinges on one of The Odyssey's most horrific and least-mentioned moments.

It is canonical that when Odysseus returns to 'clean house' of the evil suitors who have been pillaging his home and harassing his wife, he makes a point of executing any of the maidservants of the house who were 'unchaste' with them.

Let that sink in for a minute.

We're talking about women--girls, really, let's be honest here--who have no social standing or currency. They are there to serve. Their mistress, the highest ranking woman in the house, has done nothing to get these men to leave. Apparently, she can't. So if these men can take and take from her...

...how exactly could any mere servant say 'no'?

Admittedly, I'm imagining a worst-case scenario here. So let's imagine a slightly better one. Let's imagine that these girls went willingly...

...So what?

Odysseus sluts it up and down the mythological Mediterranean for ten years and four hundred pages. He has affairs that last for literal years with some of these women. But, apparently, somehow it's okay when he does it. When his serving girls do it--for subsistence or pleasure--they are dishonoring the king. The underlying logic being: because he owns them and they are an extension of his honor and manliness.

Fucked up, right?

For the crime of having their bodies 'used' by other men, Odysseus literally has Telemachus hang them.

Double fucked up.

So what does this have to do with Lies? Underwood imagines that Poseidon is furious that the 'great hero' Odysseus does this. (He was pissed off at Odysseus before for other reasons, but it's perfectly in character for a greek god to get petty and find reasons to stay mad.) So Underwood's Ithaca labors under a curse: every year, Poseidon threatens the island with ravaging storms unless they repeat the cycle and sacrifice twelve chosen girls. There is but one way to break this terrible cycle of shedding innocent blood: the sons of Odysseus must make a willing sacrifice.

Lies picks up in the voices of three narrators: two girls who were executed--bodies dumped in the sea--and resurrected by Poseidon to break the curse, and the last prince of Ithaca.

All of this to say: Underwood doesn't need to have read The Odyssey to tell this story.

All she had to hear was this horrifying footnote in this epic poem about this vainglorious bastard and think 'That's fucked up. What if I wrote the revenge story?'

And she did.

2. The Odyssey--and Greek Mythology--is inherently sexist.

Like I said, I loved greek mythology growing up. But the older I got, and the more I read, the more I realized that women don't really have a place. Their sexuality is policed. Their power is suspect. To be 'good' meant subjecting yourself to becoming some man's property to win or lose as he chose. To seek any kind of autonomy or freedom meant being 'deviant.' And even if you did manage to scrape out some kind of independence, it meant you had to remember your place. (Even Athena was subject to Zeus.)

So for all the people wailing about how Underwood was disrespecting the source material by refusing to read it...

So what? The source material disrespected us first.

The ancient stories are all about men and their great deeds. Women are, at best, footnotes. Underwood did not need to read over four hundred pages to get that message. And she didn't need Homer to tell a story that gave voice to characters who never had a voice in the first place.

It's like people have never heard of fanfic!

Fanfic was in part born out of a need for marginalized people to give themselves a space in existing stories. That's effectively what Underwood did. She didn't choose to write about a goddess or a witch or a queen...

She wrote about the nobodies.

She wrote about servant girls who, at best, were accorded a handful of lines and no names in the original text.

She thought they deserved a say.

So who gives a fuck what Homer had to say about them? He never gave a fuck about what they had to say!

Which brings me to my last troubling thought...

3. This whole thing highlights the miserable gendered double-standard that still exists in fan spaces.

Sorry, purists. But do you know what you sound like? Every time you criticize Sarah Underwood for not being a 'real' Homeric fan, you sound like those gatekeeping dudebros who insist women prove their credentials before even allowing them a seat at the table.

So she didn't read The Odyssey. Who cares? It's not that great a book anyway!

But you know what's a really good book? Lies We Sing to the Sea.

It's haunting and poetic. It speaks of sacrifice and longing. It's tragedy and star-crossed love at its finest.

It has unapologetically queer girls taking their lives into their own hands.

It demands that men be accountable for the suffering they cause women.

It cries out for justice for people who never wanted to be fighters and martyrs but just wanted to live, gods dammit! But the world didn't let them, so now they have to pick up the fight so that future generations won't have to bear the pain.

It's a gorgeous novel.

And the thing that gets me the most is that people sank it using this 'purist' argument...but I'm not sure they would have if it had been written by a man.

Out of the depths of my mind every time I read another wanky thinkpiece on this incident rises the suspicion: people might have thought this author was bold and brash, or at least excused, if she were a man.

They would have shrugged their shoulders at bad marketing.

They would have hailed him a hero for pointing out Homeric shortcomings.

The purist arguments would have washed away.

Instead...

Well.

I'm not saying you have to agree with my take on the text or love this book. But I would suggest that if the thing that stayed your hand was a bad faith criticism that the author didn't do her homework...

Maybe you have to consider what lies have been sung to you.

[galvanizedfriend]

hi, yokan <3

I read that in Brazil there's a week-break because of carnival, therefore I hope you're finally having a bit of rest!

I was wondering if you could post an outtake with the klaroeve scene? from you comment I understood that there was more than that little scene in the latest chapter, and I would LOVE to read it!

sorry if I sound rude or pressuring, it's not my intention at all :(( I'm just Eve's third parent, I need more scenes with my babygirl being adorable 😭😭

I totally get why you don't put more of her in the main story. I ALWAYS say that babyplots are terrible due to a lot of factors, one of them being the constant present of a baby who basically does nothing (rightfully, since, yk, it went out of the whomb last year) and that adds nothing to the plot but just terrible fan service.

I think most people would agree with this, maybe even you!

HOWEVER, my little wolf/fish/mermaid is THE exception and I would love to see more of her, and, since u have a series dedicated to those fluffy moments that don't exactly fits with the plot, I really wish you will post something there 😭😭

sorry for bothering you, I hope you'll have a good day!

P.S.

totally off-topic but I also read some of your comments in Portuguese (AT LEAST I think it's Portuguese 😭) and I understood like 80% of it, privileges of being Italian ‼‼ so lol now you really can't escape me >:)

Yes, it's Carnaval right now! It's a nearly weak-long holiday, but it sadly ends on Wednesday. 😢 And I was technically on call yesterday, so 😂 But I am very much enjoying not doing anything 🤷‍♀️

About the baby thing, yes. 😂 I've been so lucky to get some passionate readers almost from the start with this fic and to have people who are still reading it a ton of years later, but I've also had to read some very mean things over the years that have stuck with me. It has made me extremely self-conscious about this story. I sometimes find myself almost apologizing for writing it, like I'm commiting some kind of crime against fandom or like I should be banned for inflicting this upon people for as long as I have. I wish I could be the kind of person who just doesn't care and remains blissfully unbothered, but I'm not. I'm not a naturally confident person in any way, and that kind of thing does get to me.

It's gotten better, of course. I care a lot less now than I used to, and the fic is not as popular as it was a few years ago either, so there's that But some of that stuff has just ingrained itself into my brain. Objectively I know this is stupid and I don't owe anybody anything, I don't have to apologize for writing a fanfiction for god's sake. There's room for everyone in fandom. I can have a corner to rewrite the show and have a magical Klaroline baby, fuck it. Who cares, you know? But it's almost stronger than me sometimes, I don't realize I'm doing it. I get this feeling that I need to be more critical otherwise people are going to think it's ridiculous and OOC and nobody's gonna want to read it anymore and etc etc. It's exhausting. And it's obviously nobody's fault, it's just me in my own head, but that's how it goes.

The scene you're talking about in particular. I had it written years ago. Literal years, maybe 2021 or early 2022. Some of my friends had even already read it a loooong time before the chapter was finished. And I was convinced that it was so cute and totally fine. Then as I wrapping up the chapter, I started getting this itch that it was actually ridiculous and the folks who had read it didn't say anything because they were being nice, they didn't want to hurt my feelings, and I had to get delete it. So I did. In all truth, I think the chapter is more polished like this. But then I removed a family scene and ended up writing smut that also had no place in the chapter, so. 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, I'm sorry for the rambly response. 🥲 I'll tell you this: I will read the deleted scene again and if I feel it's not dumpster-fire bad, I will post it here. But I need to check it first, because there is chance that it's not just my paranoid head telling me to get rid of the baby scenes and it really is just that bad. 😂

And as for the last part, yes, it's Portuguese. It's my native language. And it's so funny how Italian, Spanish and Portuguese can be so similar. I understand Spanish much better than Italian, but I do get some of it as well. Latin languages 🤜🤛 (except French, I don't understand French at all 😂)

[boogleboot]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Literally nobody asked for this, but hey that's the joy of tumblr - talk about what you wanna talk about, and fic writing is important to me! So I've taken it upon myself to do these questions that have been swimming around and if you're reading this, that's an open invitation to do the same lol.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

19 on my current Ao3 account. There's an old account kicking around somewhere with a handful more, but they're sort of orphaned.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

622,253k words, so the statistics page tells me. Again, current acc only.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The Starless Sea is my main baby, (the book by Erin Morgenstern). I also write Harry Potter fic, have threatened to (and may yet) write Twilight fic, and will happily write fic for anything if I feel strongly enough about the story! And, of course, back in the day, really, really bad One Direction fic lol.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Fateheart: A Starless Seaquel by far and away the top

2. Firebug Book I: Chiân Maeroris and the Secret Library of Fire

3. The Asset of Loneliness

4. Firebug Book II: Chiân Maeroris and the Monster of Slytherin

5. Nightmares apparently! Did not realise that ahaha

This was different to sorting by hit count, which is interesting! Hits wise number 5 would be Flowers <3 my beloved.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely! Not like, strictly - there are plenty I have left unanswered, but if they ask a question or leave a thoughtful comment I'm more often than not gonna respond. I've made genuine friends that way, and it's a lovely way to engage with the fan community.

Particularly as I primarily at the moment write fic for a very small fandom where basically everyone knows each other - we have a discord and I will often personally invite a commenter to join the discord if they are new, but even past that these stories mean so much to me and I have historically just been so DESPERATE to talk about them that actually sometimes a really excited comment signals someone who is gonna be a great friend to get excited with about it.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ooph that's a good quebbin. Probably the second Firebug book? Monster of Slytherin. I mean, that series is designed to get darker and darker, so it leaves quite a few things intentionally unresolved, and the main characters in significantly worse predicaments to where they started.

God I gotta finish that series.

Also one person got really rather upset with me about the ending of Fateheart, ranting for a GOOD long while about how painful the ending was, but I think the general consensus there is that, yes, even though it comes at a cost, the ending is overwhelmingly a satisfying conclusion?? I think??? I think it's a good ending lol.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Fateheart hahahaha. Hmm I mean, this is hard to quantify, right?

I have a saying about fic, which is 'the deeper the break the deeper the catharsis' which only works when both are done well, but I think you could argue that the greatest catharsis - and therefore the fic where the ending is happiest compared to the narrative lows, would be A Heart That Won't Break. But only someone who has literally lost the plot would name that a happy fic.

Probably The Ugly-Sweater-Verse, by measure of how warm and cosy the end makes you feel, but it's too much of a one-shot really to have had time to develop enough narrative to even really have an 'ending', structurally speaking. I'm way overthinking this.

How 'bout Flowers, coz they have really good sex. There.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nah, not really. One or two people really like picking apart the plot holes in my Harry Potter fic, but I think picking apart Harry Potter is something of an international passtime. Also one comment I remember from years ago said something like "this is riddled with inconsistencies but your writing is awesome so I don't care" which is hilarious. Shoutout that commenter. I swear to god I'm gonna deal with the veritaserum problem in the next book if it ever gets written.

Nobody's said anything close to mean on any Starless Sea fics, but we all pretty much know each other and a nicer group of people you could not hope for <3

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Mm, more than I used to!

There is a standing joke amongst our little fandom that my 'smut' is outstandingly not smutty - I think I write erotica, rather than smut. Which, like. Hard to judge. But anything sexually explicit in my writing is usually so whimsical and figurative that it hardly constitutes smut even when it is like overtly gay sex lmao.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Hmm, I haven't, but I would absolutely one day. I had an idea a while ago called the Seinfeld Glory Meld or something which was an episodic fic series in which a set of characters from a show or a movie or anything would suddenly find themselves in a specific setting following a certain storyline and each time it would just slowly morph into an episode of Seinfeld, except that all the characters would keep returning and they would be sentiently aware that they were trapped inside the show Seinfeld and it was hilarious and I think i had a fever at the time of coming up with this and I will never write it but I remember meticulously outlining it to my brother over like 83 messages lmao.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

YES. It was weirdly upsetting, but also just very, very strange? Like exactly a chapter and a half of Fateheart got reposted by somebody - and like, it wasn't even a particularly coherent chapter and a half? Like, it's not like it was a portion that made sense on its own. I was half inclined to think it was a bot somehow, except that they did all the tagging and even wrote a description about it being like "A short exploration of life after the end of the book. Enjoy!"

It felt really shitty and they disabled comments, but I reported it to Ao3 and like 3 months later they did in fact get back to me saying yeah, that was obviously stolen, and removed it. god bless the Ao3 team.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Aw not as yet, but a very sweet friend of mine on our discord has been working on translating bits of Fateheart into Italian! That is a HUGE undertaking and I don't evny them lol, but I am so, so flattered that they even wanted to try, and it will be SO cool to see any parts they finish!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! Though I am threatening to... Starless Sea book 4 look out

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Mm the Interceptor from Pirates of the Caribbean.

Just kidding it is Zachary and Dorian from The Starless Sea.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Ouufhgjhg I am kinda feeling this way about all my major fics right now - I have a rule of not posting something unless it is completed, so these aren't up even though they both exist at about 2/3rds - Fever Pitch and Lotus Flowers.

I do, however, know that I care enough about the characters from The Starless Sea to actually finish these though.

Unlike the Firebug series. Which I really hope to return to one day, because the whole 7-part book series will be KILLER, but let's be real who knows if it's ever gonna happen. A 7 part fic series of full length books is nutso ambitious.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Mmm, I'm very good at character development, and I have a natural prose style that is evocative and descriptively rich. I am fortunate enough to have been mentally steeped in very good writing ever since I was a wee babbie so texturally that is easily reciprocated.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Ach. I am literally so bad at being concise. I cannot do it. Look at the word count for any of my major fics. The ones I consider short stories are novel length. The ones I consider full length works are 3 books' worth of words.

Tried to write an outline for an AU recently and the document hit like 20 pages. Good job me. I was writing a full scene with dialogue by the middle and just never finished the outline lol.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I do this occasionally, but only to the effect of adding one or two words in a native tongue, and never without also providing translation. Not in a clunky way, either - not a fan of anything that breaks the prosodic mode, like a parenthetical translation or a footnote or something - but equally it doesn't have to be a diegetic translation. I think there's usually a comfortable middle ground.

For instance I most often use Arabic terms of endearment between Zachary and Dorian, and the types of scenes where it comes most naturally also lend themselves to repeating it and answering it in a way which makes it clear if not what word exactly is being said, at least what that word means here.

Other than that I default to like, '"yo my Cantonese is shit" he said in Mandarin'. Don't assume a reader reading in English is familiar with anything else unless you have contextual reason to do so.

But also, obfuscating the meaning intentionally because the characters also don't speak that language can be a fun gimmick.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

One Direction. lmao. Well, that's the first fandom I ever posted fic on the internet for. If we're counting me scribbling stories in my special notebooks under the covers at age 10 then probably Garth Nix's Old Kingdom series. Lirael forever.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Fateheart: A Starless Seaquel just in terms of like, how much that story has changed my life. The community it has helped build, the friends it has brought into my life, and the way it absolutely launched me headlong into the development of a world and a timeline in this story that I am now fully committed to seeing through in a way which will take me several years of creative work.

Possibly The Man Named Sky is up there, as is Death in the Valley (I have found my groove with the short novella-style standalone stories), and I am really proud of the Firebug books, though the best is yet to come there. But I think I'm really, REALLY proud of A Heart That Won't Break. I think it is quietly, secretly one of my best pieces of writing maybe ever.

This was fun to do. Nobody tagged me, but I'm gonna tag @thatwasntlikeridingabikeuasshole, fellow Starless Sea fic-writer extraordinaire and one of my faves.

ANSWER THESE FIC QUEBBINS <3

[no-hcpe]

God I hate being alive it's literally so fucking boring.

No friends, every friend I've ever tried to make has left me eventually. Even when I try to go do things with acquaintances I barely even enjoy it, and I can tell I'm the "backup" friend who they only hang out with when they're bored. I had a club I used to go to sometimes and I actually enjoyed that, but that has been completely fucking ruined and I literally can't show my face there anymore because my partner got falsely accused of harassing someone and everyone already had a vendetta against them, so they just took it at face value. So now everyone knows me as "the retarded bitch who never talks and got cucked by a harasser".

Family is boring as fuck, they do the same thing every single day of their lives. I care about my mom but I don't understand how she has a will to live when she works a boring job with coworkers she doesn't like? Thinking about living her Sisyphean hell actually makes me nauseous. I hate her boyfriend too.

I have a partner but the relationship is complicated and kinda makes me feel like shit sometimes. I care about them but they completely smother me and it's just not going to work out. Like I like being with them, but not enough to commit to like... being in a whole ass relationship anymore. Hanging out with them is also pretty boring, they just want to watch TV with me and that's really about it.

I'm trying to finish my master's thesis but I can't finish it because ... you guessed it ... writing it is SO FUCKING BORING. I HATE the fucking topic that I got stuck with but it's way too late to change it and I just have to force myself to power through and finish it so I can just fucking be done with it already. I am so fucking bitter that I got stuck with this topic because my fucking advisors barely gave me any help when I tried to tell them I wanted to find a different one. Now I'm the one stupid bitch in my graduating class that STILL HASN'T FINISHED IT EVEN THOUGH IT'S BEEN SIX FUCKING MONTHS SINCE EVERYONE ELSE FINISHED

But after I finish it, then what? I have literally... NOTHING that I actually want to DO in life. My singular life goal was to graduate from college, and I did it, and it wasn't even that fun. The only things I kinda sorta like are listening to music, watching funny videos/shows, playing Pokemon, and petting my cat. I can't come up with a single life goal that I actually want to stay alive for. I genuinely can't fathom being alive in 10 years, and if I am alive, I can't imagine not having gone absolutely insane from pure boredom. I'll have to become an alcoholic or drug addict or something just to have something to do. Forget 10 years, I can't even imagine what my day to day life will look like the day after I finish the stupid thesis.

Food is boring. Drinks are boring. Going for a walk is boring. Using the Internet is boring. Reading is boring. Dressing up is boring. Going to bed is boring. Waking up is boring. Pacing around the house is boring. Driving is boring. Work is boring. Everything ... is just ... so ... fucking ... boring ... and pointless.

[toxooz]

bro i feel so bad for you having to work so soon after getting your wisdom teeth out :( i hope you don't have to talk to many people at your job otherwise you'll probably be fuckin McDead by the end of your shift

may your recovery be swift and completely uncomplicated and may we all witness the total death of capitalism sometime this year <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

THANK YOU honestly feel like week old road kill lmfao but luckily i dont gotta worry abt work today bc we finished the job yesterday otherwise i would've had to work today too which would've SUCKED but its mainly heavy lifting and trying to yell over i n d u s t r i a l n o i s e s is the issue but thank god its over now cause i got the next 3 days off bc of holiday😭 had a headache that felt like baboons mercilessly beating my head in my sleep for 2 days from having to push myself while having little to eat bc my appetites' been shot (i think bc of the meds tbh??) ive been trying to be on granny mode and eat a little here n there and sleep 👍 hell even just abt everyone in my life is already expecting me to go to all these stupid plans like picnics and parties and SWIMMING??? idk how many fukkin times I've had to tell them i can even eat anything 'real', i caint smoke or drink soda or do anything physically straining bc bitch im tired and weak and quite frankly not in the fukkin mood!!! but they're still just like 'oh yeah i forgot :( anyway so you wanna do this this n this??? :)'' and im justtttt

like literally all i want is to be left tf alone for like 2 weeks that's all i need!! and ppl are already on my ass after not even 2 days of getting that damn surgery unbelievable its just frustrating the level of 'i dont Actually care abt u or your health' vibes that im getting maybe im just a cranky bitch cause im hungri and looped up from pills but DAMN ppl Gotta leave me alone and let me simmer in my cave in peace it ain't that hard but ANYWAY today I'm stayin home and doin what i want (probably for the next 3 days honestly im pointing a shotgun at anyone who dares drag me outa my apt lmfao) and relaxing so todays a pretty good day lmfao BUT thank u for your concern!!!! I'm doin alright recovery wise everything seems to be healing decently aside from my dumbass gnashing my teeth in my sleep lmfao the swelling is going down and the pain is just a dull ache tbh so aside from the bitchin im doin good! 😂

[akookminsupporter]

yk i used to have an old frnd who i was very close to. like really. we used to talk all the time even though we live miles away and haven't met in like 7+ years. but we always got along. she had a really wide and kind of a different approach to life than other people which i really found admiring. i learned a lot of things from her and i honestly miss her presence sometimes. we don't talk anymore. time got us. there wasn't any fight or anything, we just gradually drifted apart and that's what hurts the most. why am i telling you this? because you remind me of her sometimes. she was strong, opinionated and never feared stating whatever was on her mind. that's a quality i acquired from her. so yeah... reading your messages (replies to the anons) remind me of her sometimes.

hope u do well in life, get everything u want and keep up with your spirit, rosie. i wish you the best in life and i hope everyone around you shows their love in their own way to you. and it's my request to you too, that if you have something to say to someone, say it. you never know when things might change, nothing is forever even the best of relationships (platonic, familial or romantic) end sometimes and you don't know when a stranger might become your new special person. so please don't ever hesitate to show your love to your loved ones. i've lost people and it won't be a lie if i say i barely have friends right now (i'm not forty years old, sigh. just ended high school) but that's fine i still have a lot more things coming. i could meet new people in college and hopefully form new definitions of friendships and relationships. but yes, from whatever i have seen so far, what i am sure of is that nothing is forever. i talk to everyone and you won't believe me people see me as a "happy go lucky girl" which i always like, because why being sad in front of people and making them feel sad when they can't do anything to help you? (in a good way. but i have this serious issue of bottling things up and that lead to anxiety. bad one) i literally have these thick walls because of how scared i am of forming bonds just for the fear of losing them. sigh. i just told you nothing is forever but i, myself have a hard time accepting that. easier said than done, isn't it? lol anyway a lot of sentimental and philosophical stuff have been said. geez i might cringe later at myself if you post this. nvm, it's so good that i found your blog, found bts, found armys, and found uh idk everything? yeah, life could be depressing but i try to smile it off because why not?

a frnd of mine was saying she's going to kill herself and i swear i've heard that lot more times from different people. two kids (15 year olds) commited suicide in the last two months where i live. and i was crying in the bathroom because idk who might be next. and it scares me yk what if it's me next? or in future months or years later maybe if i can't smile anymore? it's so disturbing, sigh. and i hate when people joke and say 'i'm gonna kill myself' at the slightest discomfort in life. at least once, just for a second i want them to think of thousands of those people who are surviving under constant fear of hurting themselves for real, who are actually struggling to keep themselves alive, to fight back life harder than it comes for them, and those who want someone to help them out of vicious circle of depression, anxiety and other similar problems they're caught in. i don't like people who make mental health issues look 'aesthetic'. hope they grow up to know better soon.

god i need to learn how to shut up. sorry this long. i love your blog, please don't ever shut this down. ilysm, hope you stay healthy and live your best life. also, again i'm sorry if my message is too depressing. i started off only to tell you that you remind me of my (ex) best friend lol.

Hi, anon! How are you?

I hope this doesn't sound disrespectful but I was a bit surprised when I read that you recently finished high school. There is experience in your words, experience that is usually gained over the years, with mistakes and frustrations but also joys. You are wise beyond your years, anon. That was nice to see. Although I keep in mind that at no point did you mention your age, assuming you're a teenager is perhaps a bit bold of me.

I think I've said it all day but thank you for the nice opinion you have of me. Thank you for the way you think of me. Thank you for somehow telling me that my sincerity is perceived by all of you. I'm sorry that you and your former friend have drifted apart. Life is funny like that sometimes. Sometimes people come into our lives to teach us something but not to stay. And in itself, that is also a life lesson.

In part, you remind me of me but unlike you, I have never had such positive thoughts about my future. About other people's? Of course, I have, but not about mine, I guess in that respect I like to preach but I don't apply what I preach.

Thanks for the advice and good wishes. You are a special person anon. Try not to change. Always try not to let life and all its tribulations ruin your way of thinking. Maybe try to be a little more positive about yourself. Trusting someone else people say is a rewarding thing to do, I need to work on that too, maybe we can do it together. I sincerely hope that people come into your life who bring something to you instead of taking something away from you. I hope that people come into your life with whom you can form sincere, honest and lasting relationships. You sound like the kind of friend I would like to have. That I often need to have.

I wish you nothing but the best anon, thank you for your kind words. I promise I won't forget what you said to me.

GRACIAS!!

[gothamstreetcat]

You can take Wesley and Lilah and spin them off as leads of their own show post... I dunno, mid-S4, let's say (maybe Wesley and Lilah leave L.A. after the Beast attacks W&H, you can decide exactly when they leave).

Are there any other buffyverse characters, major or minor or just one-episode characters that would be significant characters on this spin-off as well? What would the general premise be?

Okay, I've decided I'm going to answer this instead of finishing my little gifset (which has literally been talking over my mind all day). I don't know if this was the initial intention of "you can take Wesley and Lilah and spin them off as leads of their own show..." but I really think I read it wrong as took it as a compliment? <3 I really need to came down, lol I swear that is all I ever do. They're the leads of my blog FOR SURE.

(I'm going to put it under the cut because I know it's going to be long and embarrassing)

It's actually funny you should propose this because ever since I was little some bit of my brain decided they did run away together?? I wasn't even really over the beast but they did end up together in my little childhood brain and have been together ever since. Just doing whatever they want and being in love. But honestly, as I have gotten back on the Weslah train I have thought a lot more deeply about this.

I think leaving after the beasts attack is obviously ideal but I also think it is possible after everything has happened. Even though they are dead and serving W&H, who is to to say they can't just fuck-off and leave anyway leading their best undead lives???? I also think they would travel a lot and just be normal about things? Like have a normal life; breakfast in the morning, going to the movies, late night drives on Wesley's motorcycle. I even would want them to be married, nothing big or anything - just at a courthouse and I think Linsey would send Lilah an anonymous note congratulating her (I swear to god I am only sappy and dumb for them, okay?)

It sounds silly and so plain but I just want them to have it all and that would be enough for me. I also think Virginia would be part of it too because I have this little idea in my head that she and Wesley had been in touch and writing letters back and forth. I would want everyone in the buffyverse to be part of it in some way, just to see how far the pair of them have come. And at some point Faith shows up at their door and crashes with them for a few years.

I also have it in my mind that Cordelia bargained with the Powers and everyone got a do-over (because I am a sucker for the early seasons where everyone was alive and together and happy). And at one point the group is trying to figure out where Wesley is and what happened to him, and they go to his house and see him and Lilah cooking breakfast and they see how happy they are together so they just leave him be (but at some point, they all do come together again even if things still are not the same (because I literally have an entire inner workings of Wesley and his trauma and my trauma and even if everything is good it will just not be the same, you know?) But Wesley still helps out from time to time with cases and everyone does get together for major holidays or whatever.

I may or may not be making any sense right now and I know this is becoming very long.

I feel like I should be really embarrassed for what I'm about to say (as I also proceed to tell you with nothing but a NORMAL amount of joy in my heart), but there are also two other scenes I play in my mind constantly and I definitely put myself in them.

The first scene is a court hearing against Wesley/Lilah, W&H, and the Powers; where Wes and Lie have to fight for themselves to be free of their contracts and to be able to be together (on the count of that dumb and pesky good/evil thing). I am literally the star witness in this scenario literally just so I can talk about how in love they are and I would have a huge binder compiled of various blog posts and novel texts, show moments as proof. And I would show my gifs, and go on a huge tangent about Wesley and how he saved Lilah (love saved her) from the beast and how he tried to free her from her contract and it should have worked. And then I would tell Eve that she looks like the person who should be getting everyone's coffee and that she's just jealous because Wesley's given Lilah more orgasms in one night then she's had in her entire life. In my mind and in the scenario I think this is so fucking funny.

Also, when I was a kid I didn't really have friends so I got super fixated on my favorite characters from tv shows and they were my friends. Of course I was so fixated on Wesley and Lilah so they were my friends and we were close, so in this last scenario I imagine us being apart for my years (and somehow not because my ban be from watching the show) and somehow W&H tries to trap Lilah into coming back and I'm going to be used as some virginal sacrifice (which is so silly and weird but it is honestly one of the few things I am good for). But things get worked out and Lilah saves the day (as my hero) because she is a strong and independent woman who doesn't need a job that treats her badly - she is literally stronger and smarter then everyone at W&H. And at one point in this scenario she fights the people of W&H off with a sword because she is a badass baddie and I will forever be in love with that picture of her holding the axe (it's a real crime she didn't get to use it).

I also wanted to add, though, I'm sure you have read it already: the tough get going (out of town) by thinlizzy2 is literally a perfect Wesley/Lilah run away fanfic. I read it a lot and I say it so many time but I get so emotional about the bit with the horses and towards the end where Wesley tells Lilah he loves her ("as his heart fills with pride in her for so many reasons") It is literally one of my TOP Wesley/Lilah fanfics, maybe third. Almost cannon ending because my top fic is til break of day and in continuity of things, that's my cannon ending for them (in terms of fanfic, I wasn't not going to link one and not the other).

[the-b-journal]

Lady Miss Detty Episode 2 Truth Talking - The Essay 13 June 2024

How I Started Loving Men in Wigs

I witnessed a live drag performance for the first time ever yesterday and it was E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

It was my first time attending a pride-related event and it did NOT disappoint. I had so much fun with Rica and some of my friends from class. We were dancing and singing and just having a great time. I still can't believe i got to see Maxie and all the other amazing queens. I've always loved international drag queens but seeing some local ones, let alone from my own university, i cannot stress enough how incredibly proud i was.

I discovered drag back in 2020 when there was a pandemic going on and i had nothing better to do than scroll thru tiktok. Every now and then i would come across some videos of Trixie and Katya from their show UNHhhh. Back then, i had no idea who they were. I'm aware that they're men dressed as women, of course, but i didn't know that it's called drag and that there is a whole world centered around it. Still, i found myself finishing and liking their videos because they make me laugh and also because i was very attracted to the both of them (i still am!)

One day, i came across this video of Katya and Violet where they were doing a Fashion Photo Ruview of their season 7 sisters. I'm not even joking one bit when i tell you that my heart literally stopped when i saw that video of Violet for the first time. She was wearing this dominatrix leather outfit and she had like a half-up, half-down black wig with styling at the front (i don't know how to fucking describe a wig please spare me) and thought, "Oh my god. I've never seen a more beautiful human being in my life." And when i heard her laugh for the first time in that same video? It was over for me. I was done. She got me from that moment.

Until now, the effect she has on me is insane. She's just so unnaturally beautiful and confident and i fucking love her for it. Her drag aesthetic is IT for me. I was so into her that i made a drag race twitter stan account four years ago because i was going out of my mind keeping my love for her to myself. I think my account lasted for a good couple of months then i had to delete it because she did something stupid and people were hating on her. During that time, i accumulated quite a number of followers and made a couple of hit tweets about Violet making me known as one of the Violet Chacki stan account.

My account was doing so good and i made some drag race friends and i really felt like i was part of a community. But then shit hit the fan and people started accusing her of doing something bad so i decided to just delete it permanently. I'm a libra making me very bad at confrontations and there was no way in hell i'm gonna fight for my life everyday trying to defend her name when she doesn't even know i existed. And i think whatever people were saying about her, some of them was probably true. Because no matter how much i love her and how beautiful she is, she's still just a person. She's still a man.

So i left drag race stan twitter and just focused on other queens that aren't Violet. Mainly, Trixie and Katya. Talking about them and what their friendship means to me will never fail to make me emotional. Their videos are what started this whole thing for me and i cannot be grateful enough that those two white bald men exists. I remember back then, i was going through something rough and the only thing that got me through the day was their UNHhhh and I Like To Watch videos. In the process of getting to know T & K, i also got to know drag race and RuPaul and the thousands of other queens that the show produced. For some people it's reversed. They usually watch drag race first and after watching the queen on the show then they would watch other videos or shows that that queen has been on.

For me though, this might be a controversial take, but i actually don't watch drag race. The competing aspect of it is not for me. I don't like watching them lose and be sent home. It breaks my heart every single time. No matter who the queen is. So what i do instead is that if a queen on the show piqued my interest whether it be because of how she looked or how she performs, etc., then i would search her on youtube and start hyper fixating on her for a couple of weeks like a freaking neurotic. That way, i would actually know what that queen's personality is when there is no pressure of competition. This is just my personal take, everybody's different and me, personally, i don't really appreciate competitive shows.

With that being said, i'm going to confess that i've actually never finished a full season of drag race. I almost did with All Stars 7 but i think i got kinda busy so i just forgot about it. Drag race philippines too but i stopped watching when Brigiding got elimanated because she was my bias and i was rooting for her so hard that i cannot bring myself to watch her leave and not make it to the finale. Almost too with Marina on UK vs the World but again, i never finished it for some reason. I used to be embarrassed about this little fact but i think there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I love these queens because they deserve it and work hard for it. Whether i finished their season on drag race or not doesn't really fucking matter.

I'm thinking of writing more about Trixie and Katya but i think they deserve an essay that is solely about them. They have helped me through so much of my shit in life that i feel like as long as i have them and they exist and they're doing their thing, then i'll be fine. I have never had this kind of attachment to other celebrities and it shows just how much they mean to me.

I want to end this essay by saying that i am very grateful to be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. I mean yeah the idea of coming out to my parents and my relatives knowing i like women scares the shit out of me not because i'm afraid they're not gonna accept me (well i care about that a little bit) but mainly because i don't want to give them something to talk about. Just imagining them talking shit about me being gay behind my back makes me want to bash my head into the nearest wall.

But experiencing what i experienced yesterday, the solidarity of the queer people in my university, all kinds of people being their most authentic self without giving a single fuck, makes me feel so proud and happy to be a part of it. People can talk about us all they want but at the end of day, we're free. We're not doing anything wrong and we're not afraid to pursue what makes us happy even though in the eyes of many people, it's wrong.

I LOVE BEING QUEER AND I LOVE DRAG QUEENS !!!!

I cannot wait to attend more drag shows in the near future. I'm literally imagining spending my non existent money on buying show tickets and making it rain on the queens. It's my dream.

Again, if you reached this point, i love u!

HAPPY PRIDE : )))))))))

Xoxo