#god i wish i can find those videos again. the memories....

[snickerpuffs]

c'mon shadow... you can't keep doing this, bud...

Fuck you Shadow you useless piece of shit always falling in paint all the time. I'm sick of you man

[nomairuins]

i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms

[peacheeeliz]

019. "sohee!" we all say in unison (wc: 1k)

“Heyyyy Yuyu,” you draw out, leaning back in your chair with a bright smile. You brought your knees up to your chest, wrapping yourself up in a thin blanket. Aside from the shuffling you could hear coming from Yuyu's mic and the soft music you were playing, your apartment was quiet. Sungchan was still out with his friends, filming his next YouTube video, leaving you alone and bored in your shared apartment.

“Heyy,” he responds, a soft laugh leaving his lips. “I saw everyone's posts. I'm guessing you're feeling a little bored?”

“Ah, you can read me so well,” you say, sighing. “I was going to just sit back and watch some drama, but then I remembered I had a lovely friend who I could talk to.”

“Flattered that you thought of me,” he begins, cheeks heating up just slightly. “Disappointed that I was second to dramas.”

“No one can beat Song Kang, sorry,” you tell him, shrugging.

“Or Yunho?” He adds, prepared to blush even more at your response.

“Oh my God, not even Song Kang can beat him,” you gush, giggling. “So, all in all, you probably fall into… third place?”

He has to stop himself from laughing again, “ouch. Third place, really? You wound me, Y/Nie.”

“Don't worry, you're the first in my heart of guys I've actually talked to,” you tease, despite the fact that your heart skipped a beat at the nickname.

The blush spreads to his ears, and he resorts to hiding in his hands. “You wouldn't leave me the moment you met Yunho?” He questions, testing the waters.

“Depends on how quickly he can pass the NDA,” you joke, hearing the man choke on his laugh. “Kidding, kidding. Of course, I wouldn't leave you, or anyone else, for that fine specimen of a man.”

He's able to calm down from his coughing fit, brought back by the sound of your own light laughter. “You should go to one of their performances, then,” he starts. “Maybe he'll see you in the crowd and just fall head over heels for you.”

“Yeah, I wish,” You scoff, shaking your head. “I even flew to LA to see those guys at Coachella, and still, nothing. Thanks for fuelling my delusions, though. You're a real one for that.”

“Wait, you flew all the way over there to see them?” He questions, surprised this is the first he's hearing about all of this. He earns a quiet ‘mmhmm,’ in response, allowing him to continue. “That's crazy that you'd fly all that way just to see them.”

“Well, it was a good excuse to get everyone together and to see all those artists,” you explain, smiling fondly at the memories of you and your three friends traveling to the States. “I did it for their Summer Sonic performance too. That was just before we met, I think? Yeonjun, Sungchan and I flew up and met Giselle for the festival.”

“You must be a super ATINY or something,” he comments, almost hearing the bright smile playing on your lips as you respond.

“Something like that, yeah,” you let out, cheeks reddening at the realization of the topic. “Enough about me and my obsession, please talk about something else.”

He finds your pleading endearing, “it's alright. I think it's cute,” he tells you. “But, if that's what you want, then of course,” he pauses, thinking of another topic. He goes quiet for a bit, before continuing. “You talk to a lot of streamers, right?”

“I mean, kind of, yeah?” You answer, pulling forward to rest your chin in your hand. “I talk to you and the other guys the most, but I still interact with a lot of other streamers. Why?”

“What if one of them were to be, I don't know,” he pauses again, taking in a deep breath. “A celebrity?”

“A celebrity?”

“Yeah, like not streamer celebrity, because that'd technically be all the streamers you talk to,” he continues. “I mean like, idol celebrity.”

You take a moment to respond, really thinking your answer through. “I guess I'd be excited, yeah,” you tell him, letting out an awkward laugh. “I don't know, really, that's such an odd question to ask.”

“You wouldn't be mad at them or anything?” He asks, eyes shaking as his questions continue. “Like if their identity as a streamer was a secret but you found out? Or something like that…”

“Of course not, no,” you answer truthfully. “Their identity was obviously a secret for a reason, and if anything, I should be honored that they'd share their identity with me. It means they trust me enough.”

Yuyu stays silent as he takes your answer in, a small smile playing on his lips. He takes another deep breath, not too sure what to say next.

“Is there something you need to tell me?” You tease, wondering why he would bring all this up in the first place.

Before he can say anything else, Sungchan bursts through your bedroom door. “We’re home!”

You jump right out of your blanket cocoon, and you can hear the shuffle of Yuyu jumping out of his chair through your speakers. “Jesus Christ, Sungchan,” you pant, your hand covering your beating heart. “A little warning next time.”

“Sorry, Y/Nie,” he smiles softly at you. Sohee joins him in the door, sending a bright smile your way. “Sohee's here.”

“Hi Y/N,” the shorter boy says, waving quickly at you.

“Hi Sohee,” you return, your eyes softening at the boy's smile. “How ‘bout you two start dinner? I'll join you guys in a bit, okay?”

The two boys nod and leave you be, but you can still hear their bickering as they make their way to the kitchen. You let out a sigh, turning yourself back around to your computer.

“Sorry about them, Sungchan brought a friend over,” you tell Yuyu, shaking your head. “As much as I love them, they sure have a lot of energy.”

He lets out a light laugh, “you should go and join them. I'm sure the boys here are going to want some dinner soon, as well.”

“Oh, uh, sure yeah,” you say. “I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow then?”

He smiles softly, “Yeah, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Have fun with the boys.”

“You as well,” you tell him, and the call goes dead.

Yunho leans back in his chair, his smile faltering as he stares up at the ceiling. “Fuck.”

synopsis ⤏ you're trying to peacefully build your starter house on the empires server when your neighbor so rudely (accidentally) kills you, starting the biggest war on the server just one day in.

prev / masterlist / next

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ taglist is closed!

@davinashifts333 @potatos-on-clouds @s0shroe @staytinyluv @teenyfinds @weasleys-wizard-weasleys @borahae-reads

[hananoami]

[07/21] Deepspace Trials Prog

On July 15th more stages were added to the Deepspace Trials in Love and Deepspace version 2.0. With the addition of Sylus as new a love interest, his DIRECTIONAL ORBIT: ENERGY has been included starting from Stage 01 up to Stage 80.

The following orbits have been added:

OPEN ORBIT increased from 120 -> 180

DIRECTIONAL ORBIT: LIGHT increased from 120 -> 150

DIRECTIONAL ORBIT: ICE increased from 120 -> 150

DIRECTIONAL ORBIT: FIRE increased from 120 -> 150

DIRECTIONAL ORBIT: ENERGY starting at 01 -> 80

For those that are new to my blog, I've been doing these Deepspace Trial Progression notes every Sunday to keep track of my personal progress while I am challenging those fights. The last time I've written one of these post was on June 30th. This was after I finally cleared all for the available deepspace trials at the time in version 1.0. If curious, you can find all my post Stage 120 clears and view their clear videos here.

I'll also be updating my format a bit to reflect a weekly progress report rather than only focused on Sunday's allotted keys, as previously done. Each love interest allows you 3 keys per day, with 3 days available in the week for a total of 9 keys allotted per week. Some stages are easier than others; I've written about this in a previous post about how their orbit colors are good indicators. However I'll try to remember to record any of these stages' protofield stellactrum and the rewards that you can earn.

It'll be fun to resume this battle content again. I'm excited to see what challenges await me and all of the love interests. Time to start Opposing Visions with Stage 121!

WEEKLY KEYS USED

☆ XAVIER : 9/9 keys ; going on Stage 130 on Monday. ☆ ZAYNE : 9/9 keys ; going on Stage 130 on Tuesday. ☆ RAFAYEL : 9/9 keys ; going on stage Stage 130 on Wednesday. ☆ SYLUS : 9/9 keys ; going to stage 10 on Tuesday. ☆ OPEN ORBIT : currently stuck on Stage 150.

𝚇𝙰𝚅𝙸𝙴𝚁

To quote MC, "Lumiere really is the best!" Xavier used up all 9 of the allotted keys this week. The new changes to the target lock-on makes it so much easier to focus target the frenzied wanderer in those frenzy stages (stage 123). It also helps that I finally have [Lightseeking Shadowrend] at R2 thanks to the limited-time banner, Pulse Hunter. My Lightseeker now has memory pair duo rank 1 unlocked, so I can finally swap out the oath recovery boost beta protocore for something else! Expedited energy boost or Oath's strength here we come! God bless the devs for actually listening to the players complaints about fixing it because this will make these harder fights less miserable to challenge, aha. We'll be challenging Stage 130 on Monday! Hopefully that'll go well...

Directional Orbit: Light Protofield Stellactrum

121: 4 amber, 2 ruby -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

122: 4 amber, 2 ruby -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

123: 4 amber, 2 ruby (frenzy) -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

124: none -- rewards: 2k gold, 20 💎

125: 4 amber + 2 sapphire -- rewards: 4k gold + 40 💎 + 4x bottle of wishes: sr

126: 4 amber, 2 sapphire -- rewards: 2k gold, 20 diamonds

127: none -- rewards: 2k gold +20 💎

128: 4 emerald, 2 pearl (protect the beacon) -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

129: 4 emerald, 2 pearl -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

𝚉𝙰𝚈𝙽𝙴

Zayne starting off strong in Opposing Visions by using up all 9 allotted keys for this week. I'm still slightly traumatized by his stage 120... but hopefully we'll continue to walk on nothing but flower paths this version. Thanks to the Pulse Hunter banner I got 2 more copies of [Forever Sealed] bringing his Foreseer memory pair to duo rank 2! The extra energy charge is so nice; not to mention having his [Schade's Mercy] outfit is welcomed bonus. This coming Tuesday is when we can challenge his Stage 130!

Directional Orbit: Ice Protofield Stellactrum

121: 4 ruby, 2 pearl -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

122: 4 ruby, 2 pearl -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

123: 4 ruby, 2 pearl (protect stabilizer) -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

124: none -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

125: 4 ruby, 2 violet -- rewards: 4k gold + 40 💎 + 4x bottle of wishes: sr

126: 4 ruby, 2 violet -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

127: none -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

128: 4 sapphire, 2 amber (activate beacon) -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

129: 4 sapphire, 2 amber -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

𝚁𝙰𝙵𝙰𝚈𝙴𝙻

It feels good to have all three of the original love interest progressing at the same time. Like the other companions Abysswalker also went from starting effect memory pair bonus to duo rank 1 after I obtained a second copy of [Deep Sea Promise] from Pulse Hunter! This allowed Rafayel to use up all 9 of his allotted keys for this week, though I did experience some challenges on one of his orbits. Stage 128 is a frenzy. While the changes to the focus target helped, for some reason I struggled to kill the frenzy wanderer during the second phase of the fight, resulting in me failing to obtain the ATK buff. I still managed to clear the fight with 30 seconds left to spare so maybe it was just a one time mishap. Stage 130 is next, but we wont be able to challenge that until Wednesday.

Directional Orbit: Fire Protofield Stellactrum

121: 4 pearl, 2 amber -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

122: 4 pearl, 2 amber -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

123: 4 pearl, 2 amber (boss absorb mobs) -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

124: none -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

125: 4 pearl, 2 emerald -- rewards: 4k gold + 40 💎 + 4x bottle of wishes: sr

126: 4 pearl, 2 emerald -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

127 - none -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

128: 4 violet, 2 ruby (frenzy) -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

129: 4 violet, 2 ruby -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

𝚂𝚈𝙻𝚄𝚂

I honestly have nothing to say about Sylus's first 9 orbits because he just overpowers every single stage on auto battle. Bless that Pulse Hunter limited-time banner. I managed to get his pearl solar myth pair, Relentless Conqueror, to memory pair duo rank 2 -- ultimately making my runs a comfy breeze for now. Looking forward to Tuesday to challenge his Stage 10!

Directional Orbit: Energy Protofield Stellactrum

01: 1 pearl -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

02: 1 pearl -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

03: 1 pearl (activate beacon) -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

04: none -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

05: 1 pearl, 1 emerald -- rewards: 4k gold, 40 dia, 4x bottle of wishes: sr

06: 1 pearl, 1 emerald -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

07: none -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

08: 1 pearl, 1 sapphire (tower defense) -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

09: none -- rewards: 2k gold + 20 💎

𝙾𝙿𝙴𝙽 𝙾𝚁𝙱𝙸𝚃

I went from 121 -> 150 within the first week. I have a lot to cover from this orbit alone so a more detailed post about those runs will be linked [here] at a later time.

[nobodysdaydreams]

Doug Eiffel is hilarious and deserves his own series of radio shows

(Or my reaction to Wolf359's three untitled mini episodes!)

Welcome back dear readers! I wish I could react to more full length episodes, but life in terms of health and work load has not been kind to me (yep. I'm sick again). Fortunately, I was informed that these mini episodes can be listened to at any time and they are fairly short, so I'm gonna give it a shot! (If I was misinformed and am about to have a ton of plot spoiled for me, I apologize in advance!)

Tagging the mutuals who got me invested in this, and if you want to be tagged or untagged from these posts, lmk, or you can follow my blog or simply follow the tag "#bods wolf359 reactions". Anyone who has followed me for a while knows my updates are inconsistent, so I apologize in advance for that and for any spelling/grammar mistakes in my posts.

@sophieswundergarten @oflightningandstars @acollectionofcuriousreblogs @herawell @commsroom

Mini Episode: Adventure of a Lifetime

Ohhhh... a field trip into the mysterious rooms!

...this might not work out for you Doug, but I hope you find something useful.

Huh. Empty rooms. ...why do I get the feeling they aren't all empty?

Different shade of grey paint? Doug have you never played a video game? I mean, I haven't either, but even I know what that means.

Great, now he's locked in.

"I'm hungry, I didn't have breakfast, It's been five hours." WHY AM I DOUG 😂

Doug yeah the grey spot sounds pretty bad.

"Did you try pushing?" Hilbert is so done with him.

19 minutes? I'm not sure if that's funny because Doug is dramatic, or spooking because these rooms actually mess with time perception.

"You never mention this to anyone and I won't ask you what you're doing on this part of the station" Doug you really oughta be asking though.

Oh. That was it? Huh. Very short. I wonder what the next one has in store...

Mini Episode: Step One

Ah! More Doug! Why IS he going outside?

Hey, Doug. Do not speak badly about the commander. Trust me, the day will come when you realize Minkowski is the best commander you could ever have.

He stole her diary? Oh Doug...

"If this tape shows up in my murder trial, you'll know why I made this recording"

Imagine if Cutter tried to use this audio to frame Minkowski for Doug's death (he would. He'd drop it off at her husband's office like "sorry about your wife becoming a murderer. Apparently a disgruntled employee took her diary and she snapped").

Poor Doug. Scrambling to solve a mess he created in a very unsafe way because he can't ask for help or else he'll get caught? Why is he so dang relatable. Someone get this man to a doctor. He needs Adderall. And his daughter back.

"I have the perfect plan" oh dear. Doug, those words never go well for me either.

"Doug was great, I need to lighten up a lot" 😂

"She somehow saw through my forgery" oh poor Doug.

Are these episodes just Doug getting himself into situations? Because that's hilarious and wonderful.

Mini Episode: Space Rage

"Badass McAwesome" Is that Doug doing a southern accent? I love his radio shows.

Is he talking about Minkowski? Is he broadcasting that through the ship?

"Our God given American right to free speech and funny jokes!" Amen Doug 🫡

Oh my gosh he's talking to himself 😂.

"I'm stuck in this crappy job searching for alien life for 14 hours a day" "we've all certainly been there" I can't, please 😂😂😂

"There's this script you're supposed to broadcast" "sound like command trying to keep you down"

"I've been reciting every Simpson's treehouse of horror episode from memory" / "That's the way Abe Lincoln would have wanted it."

I love this. I love patriot cowboy Doug. 🤠 You can't be taking his freedoms!

"Fighting the good fight" aksjkfjsdlf;kj

Oh who is the sponsor this time? Oh Dr. Hilbert's seaweed coffee. "It's the only thing we have. It's the only thing we have."

"You're live. Let freedom ring!" Doug is the best honestly.

Oh dear.

"Okay you're taking me alive. That's all the time we have for today folks!"

Doug is iconic.

These were great. Short, but great. Maybe I'll try to listen to the Mission Mishap ones a few at a time so that I can still give you reactions, even if I don't have the time or health to give you the full length reactions you deserve dear readers. But don't worry. As soon as I have time, I will react to the rest of the series. Thanks for reading!

[little-grey-dowitcher]

So apparently there’s been a new twist on a trend I’ve been seeing for a while in like hardcore fundamentalist Christian/anti-LGBTQ+/gender critical groups and as funny as it is that they make hating queer people their whole personality, to the point of even pretending to be ex-gays or whatever, something about it is so bizarre from an outside perspective.

Honestly, it’s kinda sad to me how many of these people will make what are supposed to be the happiest moments of their lives about people they hate. Like in my last reblog, that couple was getting married, which is great for them! But rather than celebrating their marriage and their relationship and their love for each other, they decided to focus on their hatred of kinky furries? And imo there’s no version of events that makes this better. If they both were in on making this post, then I worry about their relationship because I speak from experience when I say ANY relationship founded on a mutual dislike of someone else is doomed to fail. If it was only one of them who came up with this idea and posted it without the other knowing, that’s also pretty bad, because how do you explain to your partner that the reason you can’t just be happy about your marriage is because you’re too busy being mad about kinky gay people online?

This is a trend with people announcing their pregnancies too, like they’ll go “yep! Just found out I’m pregnant! Something only REAL WOMEN can do, not something a trans woman can do!” And first of all trans women are real fucking women, so write that down. But also why couldn’t you just focus on your own happiness? Like, what are you gonna tell your child when they get old enough to use Facebook and they look through your page and see a memory pop up of that post? How are you gonna explain to them that you were so busy focusing on how much you hate a bunch of trans people you’ve never even met that you couldn’t even be happy they were coming into the world? And then there’s the parents who continue to make their entire child rearing experience about their hatred of trans people after their kid is born, like how those tradwife videos will show them making bread with their daughters and then randomly bring up how this is what Real Women do. Which is so bizarre. But also gods forbid your kid turns out to be trans themself, because now they’ve got an entire laundry list of posts you made detailing how much you hate trans people (IN THE CONTEXT OF RAISING THAT TRANS CHILD, NO LESS) that they can now use as a justification to cut you off!

It’s like that woman who talked about hating trans people on her deathbed. I don’t feel like I just “got owned” or whatever. I don’t know any trans women who feel that way either. I feel pity for a few minutes and then I go back to scrolling tumblr and drinking my tea. I forget all about it until someone brings it up, either as a passing joke or to show me an example, and then I laugh and maybe feel a little pity again, and then I go back to playing video games. Occasionally I’ll wish they had something in their lives that they loved and considered more important than their hatred, because I feel like everyone deserves to find happiness in the things they enjoy, but I never feel like I just got “absolutely destroyed” or whatever the poster’s goal was. I just feel pity for the people who are so obsessed with their hatred that they can’t focus on literally anything else, and then life goes on.

Idk I just truly hate this trend, not because I wish ill on the people doing it or think it’s cringe or whatever but because I think it’s more damaging to themselves than it is to anyone they’re directing their anger towards. Imagine being so miserable all the time because people exist that are different from you and it takes up so much space in your heart that you can’t even be happy about the good things in your own life without somehow making it a “gotcha” at random people you don’t know.

[trombone-minivan]

dear mutual, i will never refuse the offer to go ballistic with an ask game:

5, 6, 8, 20, 25 and 26 for the song one?

(me after answering 16 different three song questions ;) worry not, i'm enjoying this)

5. three songs you wish you could forget (because listening to them hurts)

Can't Catch Me Now by Olivia Rodrigo

Imagine my ass chilling listening to my discover weekly when I get hit with this scarring ballad about how one can kill a person but not an idea..... (at least that's what i hear in it) It is a great song, I'm just often not strong enough emotionally to listen to it, you know?

Trampoline by Kero Kero Bonito

On the opposite side of the spectrum, Trampoline is so positive it makes me feel diabetic. I don't know if it's PTSD from The Computer Sceince Teacher Who Need Not Be Named or what, but I very rarely feel it. Again, good song!

Birds by Imagine Dragons but specifically the music video

i cried when i first saw it. yes it was mostly thanks to the music video and not imagine dragons. but i still cried. i watched it again before writing this and the feels didn't hit me as strongly, but i still think it fits here.

6. three songs you wish you could erase from history (because they’re terrible)

this question made me realize there are benefits to a spotty memory. if i don't keep something on my mind, i will forget about it; therefore, i can (and do) only remind myself of the good music. but worry not, i scoured the deepest depths of my memory, my old excel sheets and my google notes to bring you 3 songs i really do not like:

Bad Habits by Ed Sheeran

Vitajte by In Time

Believe by Eminem

The first two are representatives of the "mid ass song getting shoved down everyone's throats by way of radio", while the last one I'm choosing as a champion of all the wack rap I've ever listened to.

8. three songs that remind you most of summer and vacation

Barbie Girl by Aqua

Dark Horse by Katty Perry feat. Juicy J

Žijeme len raz by Ego & Robert Burian

Like the last question, this is a 2+1 deal. First, a little story time: my family once went on a vacation to Bulgaria. The resort we stayed at was playing music in and around its pool/courtyard area. Thing is, they played like 7 songs on repeat. Barbie Girl and Dark Horse were two of those, I regrettably can't remember the rest.

That is why , as a self-respecting Slovak who was alive in 2012, I chose THE Slovak summer anthem for the third spot.

20. three songs that remind you of the person who sends this one

Inkpot Gods by The Amazing Devil, because i found out about your discord nickname independently and randomly that one time

Zenith by Ghost, because of your bio

Watcher In The Sky by Ghost, because of SEARRRCHLIGHTS, LOOKING FOR THE CATCHER IN THE RYE

25. three favourite songs of 2017

High Enough by K. Flay, because I've done Black Wave in the previous ask

Unlock It (Lock It) by Charli XCX feat. Kim Petras and Jay Park

1990 (Interlude) by G Yamazawa

26. three favourite non-English songs

well i have answered this question bef- you already know i'm gonna fire off 3 more:

Rusalochki by Go_A (Ukrainian), I am BACK on my Go_A propaganda, their latest singles have never missed once

Tempo Tempo by Haďaci (Slovak), a band with 192 monthly listeners to their name, I found them through a youtube channel you might find interesting

Судно (Борис Рыжий) [Sudno (Borys Rizhyiy)] by Molchat Doma (Belarusian), your experience might vary depending on what kind of short-form content you have seen in the past

Thank you so very much for the ask! ✨

[riabef]

✎. I think I’ll miss you forever KAEDEHARA KAZUHA

SUMMARY: Kazuha was someone that everyone would adore, flowery words, and composition in haikus that rival even the greatest minds of today. It was to no secret that he, along with everyone in this world was struggling to find something he could no longer reach.

Rather than his body, his wishes, his values, they were given to him in the form of a vision.

Like fireflies dying, the last flickers of the gem glowed as if it had a heartbeat of it’s own.

And it grew dim.

FEATURING CAST: Kaedehara Kazuha, his friend, mentions of traveller at the end (ambigious, left up to reader’s choice)

PRONOUNS: mostly he/him for most of the fic

WORD COUNT: 3 872 words

WARNINGS: major character death, discussions about grief (especially about the stages of grief)… It’s uh… Angst… But I don’t think there’s much violence? Some spoilers for the inazuma quest,, but I think that’s about it. Not necessarily canon-compliant

PROOF-READ: no absolutely not, I wrote this and I never looked back

AUTHOR NOTES: Honestly I didn’t know where I was going with this,,,, hope you enjoy it??? I kind of don’t like this but at the same time it’s not like I have anything else to post… I really need to make a masterlist.

I also put in the scene of a traditional Japanese tea ceremony, I’ll put some videos under this text to make it easier to understand!

Video 1

Video 2

Video 3

Oh right also I addressed Kazuha, with Kaedehara for most of this fic! Do with that information what you will!!! Have a good day everyone!!!

the relationship between kazuha and his friend is left ambiguous! This may be read as a friend grieving the loss of someone close to him

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Platinum blond hair flitted about in the wind, and a white hair tie securely pinning it in place. The sunset enclosed the world that he knew in a copper tone, silken robes fluttering with the tainted golden edges of a memory long cherished, and a memory long visited.

Kaedehara remembers the way his friend had spoken off into the distance, eyes landing on Tenshukaku as though it was a distant memory that longed to be remembered; he should’ve heard it in the silence, hands that twitched as if yearning for a chance.

Without breaking eye contact, he had boldly made a proclamation, one that Kaedehara would never forget, and one that would haunt him for the years to come. Memories were made in silence, yet they resonated loudly within his beating heart as he listened intently.

There must be one who can withstand it,

There will always be those who dare to brave the lightning’s glow.

That day, as the winds rustled through their clothes, as the trees swayed in the winds, the pulsing purple glow hummed louder than before.

There was no room needed for rebuttals, nothing to mention about the way that his friend’s eyes had shone with conviction–

Ah. What did they look like again?

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Even in the age

of almighty gods

unheard of, —

the waters of Tatsuta are tie-dyed

in crimson

千早��る/ Chihayaburu

Memories of Kaedehara’s past returned to his mind, as leaves falling onto the rivers, or as slow and steady as a stream; in the hands of nature to listen. His mind, once a slate full of burdens, found respite in the steady and constant setting of the sun. The sun that had always risen, and always will. The stars had weaved its way through the sky to dance among the celestial bodies of the unknown.

This was what he had known.

He figured, that this was perhaps what he had always wanted.

It always felt better to listen to the echoes of nature, the whistling of the winds, the relentless waves that would crash against rock and stone, or the steady stream that had slowly seeped its way into the cracks of Teyvat. In the drenching rain, he could hear the steady pitter-patter as he composes yet another haiku in his mind, a gentle smile forming on his face as he begins to recount the memories of his youth.

Since his clan was well on their way to collapse, it had not taken long for Kaedehara to gain his freedom, although that does not mean he doesn’t remember the lifestyle that he had before it was promptly taken away from him. Sitting on tatami mats, and hosting customary tea ceremonies. Despite having a tolerance to these peaceful activities, what had always bothered him was the heavy gazes of his attendants, watching his every graceful move.

Producing a fukusa its pigment rivalling that of an auricula flower, silken textures briefly fluttering in the open air; longing glances were shared with the soft yet present trickles of water directed by the bamboo fountain. Practiced hands folded the cloth as if they’d gone through the motions, hundreds, if not thousands of times. Lingering incense fills the air between Kaedehara and his guest, as gentle wind chimes signal the entrance of another breeze, merged with all those that came before.

The graceful winds fluttered past him, only he and his guest were in this world alone. For this very moment, the rest of his worries faded with every swipe of the silk cloth; wiping down the chashaku, a tranquil smile spread across his face as the peace of the world made themselves abundantly clear through the swaying of the trees, in the beautiful clear sky.

Using the hishaku, his delicate hands poured water in to the clay bowl, slowly he had turned the bamboo whisk around, cleaning it before discarding the remaining water in the brown kensui; the hands that he would later use to grasp his friend’s vision had reached for the chakkin. Wiping the remainder of the water, the thrumming of his heart aligned with that of the maple leaves drifting in the winds, unable to find a place to call home.

Sage green powder was poured into the prepared chawan bowl from the tea caddy, patterns of beautiful maple leaves dashed along its edges, and the fluttering breeze depicted through blue, gentle streaks. Golden stems accentuated the bowl, lively as dancers.

Slightly leaning forward, he scooped some water with the hishaku, before carefully pouring it into the bowl, the perfect temperature of the water was achieved. Not boiling, yet not too warm, the powder swirled around the added water, his reflection becoming blurrier by the second. He lifted the chasen and mixed the two, a foam bubbling to the top, giving life to the vibrant green tea.

Lifting the bowl, and turning the decorated maple leaves to his guest, he places it on the other side of the tatami mat, waiting with a pleasant smile.

Like everything, there was always a certain appeal to such activities; he supposes, that if being a noble meant he had to frequently hold tea ceremonies, Kaedehara didn’t mind. Unlike his attendants, it gave him the small tastes of freedom that he yearned to have.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Like a long-forgotten memory, not even the memory of his guest’s expression remained. Not even the bow of gratitude that they have given, and not even the cranes that soared in the air, elegant wings flapped above the reaches of the earth. Unshackled by grief, guilt, or regrets, the birds had glided across the air through one sweeping motion.

Keeping his head low, he had not wished to reveal much more of his identity, his straw hat obscured his face, ensuring that he would not be drawn much attention to. A solemn wanderer, who had dealt with the fall of his clan in passive strokes, watching as the sea of people went about their day, people who had homes to return to, people who had families to love, and people who had others to fight for.

The mindless chatter didn’t mind Kaedehara, instead, opting to tune it out, searching for a bird’s call, searching for a familiar sword.

Yet again, he has failed.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Kaedehara wondered, he had all the time in the world now. Yet, he couldn’t find an answer to any of his questions. The guilt slowly made itself known on the edges of his clothing, the weight that welcomed itself with the guilt.

Should he have asked? Maybe if he had, then at least he would know why it happened. Maybe if he did then he wouldn’t have run until his legs couldn’t hold anymore, until it felt like his own vision was taken away from him.

The questions overtook him, like tsunami waves eagerly destroying everything in their path, the all-consuming grief hanging off of him as a parasite. Maybe if he hadn’t been so scared of the answer, he’d have understood more. Maybe if he wasn’t so scared about what he’d find under the surface, he’d be able to understand.

Maybe then, at least, he would have the chance to at least hold his body.

Unable to even hold his body and wallow in the grief and loss that was making itself present in his empty heart, the instant remembrance of the divine punishment his friend had yearned to witness was brought back into his memory.

He wasn’t even allowed for a second of grief before his feet scrambled to hold the vision before him, the purple glow dimmed, darker than ever.

And that day, Kaedehara held two visions; one of his own, and one an empty shell, waiting for the return of its rightful owner.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

The denial had hit him, harder than ever. He was just alive moments ago, they had agreed to meet somewhere after the Vision Hunt Decree was abolished, that they’d meet each other once again, where the sea met the sky. Where they’d find peace in their ends.

Kaedehara carried out his promise. The gentle swaying of the Crux brought many the gift of slumber, and the uneventful waves that rocked the boat between the forces of nature served as a lullaby for the sailors.

Not him.

The lullaby that had lured many to sleep, was akin to a siren luring him into endless thoughts. Letting his senses guide him to the crow’s nest, he looks up between the stars.

And he wonders, carrying alone the heavy burdens no one could fathom; how could he ever move on,

If all he saw in the stars was him?

The twinkling stars that led so many sailors to their homes, comforted them when no hope was in sight and lent a pitiful ear to Kaedehara. The moon that once sighed of lost love, and comforting others seemed so far away. The waning crescent meant an approaching new moon.

Lost between the heavens and the stars, trying to make his way out of purgatory, it is then that Kaedehara realizes that, he would never be here again.

Never to smile fondly at the stars as though they were the ones that lit up his night, never to point out shooting stars, almost asking to make a wish, and never to walk through life with him.

Numbness that once took over his body, almost in a spell-like trance, finally letting him regain control of his body. The newfound raw feelings hitting him at his worst, vulnerable and alone, with only the stars and the moon being the witness to his grief.

For a second it caught him off guard, unshed tears making their way to the surface as he held his gaze on the moon, and in his undeterred grief that he was finally given the chance to process, he cried. He cried so much, his vision was blurry, the burden finally taking itself off his shoulders and lightened in the form of his tears.

Never again will he watch the maple leaves fall into the river with him, never again would he watch the blossoming of cherry blossoms as spring makes its way through the frost-covered ground, and never again will he see the way his friend had stood like an unchanging constant against all variables.

Perhaps, maybe in this life, he’d see him again; in his dreams, he wanders aimlessly, hands that reach out for an all too familiar figure that he could no longer see.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

The feelings of sadness had not subsided, rather, they have taken an interesting shape for the unassuming samurai. The flickers of regrets and guilts make themselves seem in the form of unrelenting anger. If his grief was akin to the waves of the ocean that eroded the jagged edges of cliffs, the unrelenting feelings that had stuck like daggers in his heart; metamorphosed into anger.

Wings of butterflies weren’t what had emerged, sharp and dangerous edges of his newfound anger had begun to consume him, from his toes to his head, like a flash flood that had begun to swallow all those in his grief. Regrets that had once begun as “maybe if I had just…” transformed into accusations of resentment.

Anger that had once felt like passing emotions had finally hit him at full force, the once realist that had assessed situations calmly, with the sounds of nature to calm him; now became a pessimist who had quietly weighed the meaning of life. The moon who had become his new companion bore witness to all his remarks, the sole listener to his worries.

Kaedehara liked to keep it that way.

Lost in the cycle of life and its tortures, he laughs without mirth, frustration glinting in his eyes; it didn’t feel like he was in control of his own life anymore, the dreaded anticipation for his peaceful days to finally end had seemingly taken its forceful route.

The stars had taunted him again it seems, the mocking weight of their witness reminded him cruelly of a few words.

Not even in your dreams, you may reunite

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Slowly becoming a habit, Kaedehara had climbed his way to the crow’s nest, the endless horizon finally greeting his worries as he let himself feel at peace with the solitude he welcomed once more.

Shades of black, blue, and yellow mixed together, a starry night that was created from his grief, blurred tears making it difficult to see, and the tears that would land on his silken robes only made it harder to manage.

Even in the endless night he had spent, tossing and turning, waiting, waiting for the image of him to get out of his mind. Waiting for the time that he would stop flinching every time he recalled the day he saw his friend’s broken sword clatter to the floor, the heavy sentence of the incoming divine punishment, and the falling vision.

It was all he could remember.

Everyday, he had clutched that vision like it was what remained of his family’s fortunes, the past that he couldn’t let go of just yet. Everyday, he had filtered through his memories of his friend, from the day they met, until his last. Every conversation that he had committed to memory, Kaedehara would feel the weight of every time he had walked, from the small lilts of his friend’s voice, to the expression on his face.

If he forgot it all, who else would be there to remember?

Endless nights that he had spent, reminiscing his past, never once sparing a thought of his present, the concerned looks that he got from Beidou were of no priority to him, the self-imposed solitude that he kept, in order to process his grief wasn’t the best way of coping. Yet it was all he had.

If only Kaedehara had reached out, if only he had asked why he had stared at the Tenushaku so eagerly as though he wasn’t about to face certain death. If only he had. The restless sea did little to calm his worries, waves that he believed would be better to represent the guilt he now carried.

The unending sea met the sky, where Kaedehara had met his grief.

The future felt so far away, the light in a tunnel that would never end, the thoughts that Kaedehara would have, always plagued by his friend.

He looks at the stars once more,

He would’ve liked this.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Unlike the seasons that withered away, the endless nights that had swallowed him whole, the threats of the world crumbling under his feet with every movement he made.

Leaves that glided down from their branches, the unrelenting time made him feel like a sand grain, going against the rest, a desperate attempt at restoring what was lost.

If Kaedehara could turn back time, he would do so. If given the choice, there would be no other option he would even hesitate to consider, the helpless feelings felt like a dendro vision that kept his feet locked to the ground. No longer did he see the soaring cranes in the sky, nor did he see the twinkles of hope the stars would often give. Comfort was so distant, so far away from the corners of his mind; the corners that had spoken to him at night. The whispers of regret, the whispers of his friend, the voice that he yearned to hear day and night.

Unable to even respond to the crew when they had called for him, his mouth kept itself shut as though words would fail to express themselves. As though his burden would forcefully make itself known to others, like a waterfall, Kaedehara knew that tears wouldn’t be shed. Although that didn’t matter. It never did. Not when his heart felt as though it was weighed by the ten thousands of leaves.

His heart bore no passion, only regret and contemplation, and maybe. Just maybe, if he had thought about it long enough, he could finally accept it one day. One day he would be able to go to his friend’s grave, maybe he’d laugh, or maybe he would finally be able to look at that cat again without feeling suffocating feelings swell in his chest.

One day, he would be able to remember the early mornings he spent with his friends, the days that the blooming leaves would slowly appear after a harsh winter or the falling of leaves, the meals shared over a lit fire, consumed in comforting silence. The days that they had sparred, aiming to better themselves, and knowing nods that were exchanged when approaching storms could be indicated from the distant thunderstrikes.

One day, he would no longer be haunted by the memory of the sound of his friend’s falling sword, and one day he would no longer blame himself for the things he was unable to do.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Like a ship returning to the docks after a journey, like always, he had found himself walking down the familiar path to his friend’s grave. Finally being greeted by the sight of a sword, and a cat that nodded at his return, waiting, as though curious about his next moves.

That day, only a maple leaf had found itself ontop of the mound of dirt, the only gift that Kazuha could give his dear friend.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Soft pitter patter hits the ground, Kazuha, drenched in rain walks along the path, a seemingly empty mind lost in thoughts that threatened to swallow him once more as it felt as though the earth beneath him was ready to swallow him with all his regrets.

It wasn’t fair.

It really wasn’t.

Life went on, the citizens discussed amongst each other about food prices, about their families, about their friends. In every corner of the world, he was painfully reminded of the human interaction that others had. The interactions he wished he had.

Standing at his friend’s grave, a white cat saunters around, as though waiting for their owner to make their untimely return. Unable to keep any composure so far, he leaves the grave.

The grass was green, and all that remained between the earth and the sky was a sword.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Returning to the grave once more, after some or so months, emptiness conveyed through his movements, unwilling tears shed themselves when they saw fit, like rain falling through the skies. The clouds never cleared, it was like they couldn’t. Staying ever-present in his mind, not even an umbrella could shield him from the unyielding guilt and grief.

His friend had died an honourable death.

He had died in a duel, and his death was just.

The hurt he felt never subsided, not from the countless months at sea, running away from the unending pain he felt every time he had even glanced at the grave.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

I think I’ll miss you forever

Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky.

LANA DEL REY. SUMMERTIME SADNESS.

Wandering around in nature, aimlessly walking with no destination in mind, and walking wherever his feet would take him. Kazuha stops at the sight of two boys fighting, for a brief moment, he enjoys the serenity of the scene. Reassuring smiles are thrown around as a spar ensued.

Until he saw him. The image before him suddenly transforms into a memory he spent countless nights trying to recount, flowing like the streams that always led back to the sea.

Back to where the sea met the sky.

Memories of late-night talks, gathered around warmly cooked food that made him feel reminiscent of the days that he could no longer return to. The friend that had gone too far out of his reach. Along with the rest, the bloodline that he could no longer connect to, family practices that could no longer be continued. They had all laid dead, unmoving with his friend’s body. Laid to rest.

Their visions lay intertwined, the quiet electro vision weighing him down more than any other burden could. The constant reminder of his friend’s death, the efforts he had exerted in order to let the memory of his friend remain untouched, memories that shone akin to the glimmering waves of a river that crashed gently against nearby land. The memories that he feared to have ripped away from him, the long forgotten sense of familiarity at the forefront of his mind.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

A blond traveller, someone who had the courage to search, the courage to face the world head on. Their outspoken companion floating not too far behind, the scent of the stars had attached itself to the odd pair. Curiosity at the now dull vision that lie in his hands

Looking at the masterless vision in his hands, Kazuha smiles fondly, finally granted a break from carrying his burdens.

“The story begins with an old friend...”

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Not long after the Vision Hunt Decree was abolished, and his charges were lifted. Kazuha found himself yet again, letting his heart lead his feet, the eager steps that led him to the same spot he knew he would always return to. The light reflected off the sword, and at midday, he found himself, seeking his friend’s company. Even in his death.

Gathering the cat in his hands, he cradled them like the lost memories he wish he could’ve held onto for so much longer, time that had slipped out of his grip, and into the sea of his doubts and worries. Relishing the silence, and the tranquility. The broken blade still polished after all this time, a testament to his efforts.

The flowers that had glowed a vibrant blue, even in daytime, swayed in the wind. In the night they had become a sight to behold, the shades of blue that lulled Kazuha in an eternity of silence. Although, he guesses that there would be one thing that he and these flowers had shared.

Waiting for someone, who would never return.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

The seasons changed, time passing by as the traveller continued their search, looking for their sibling, making their way to Sumeru, and all the other nations. However, unlike the traveller, who had freely moved from place to place, there were those who were rooted to the ground. Those who would always find themselves returning to the same place they always would.

The grass is a beautiful shade of green, clearly taken care of, and the cat spent their days, walking around the polished sword, as though eagerly waiting for a return. The broken sword is unmoving in the ground it remains planted. Like the vibrant blue flowers that flowed with the wind, there was another addition.

A dull gray vision, no longer will it ignite again, rests peacefully, underneath the moonlight.

[winged-unicorn-trash-can]

[A4A] In the Care of a Demon [M4F] [F4M] [Demon Speaker] [Resurrected Listener] [Fantasy] [Lore heavy] [Personal attention] [Caretaker] [Necromancy]

Storyline- A brutal war ravaged this world, mankind has fallen and very few draw breath. A new master rules this place. But within thick forest, a safe heaven is made. A demon awaits for a human to awaken. There is a reason why they say you should let the dead rest. But the demon couldn't.

The thought of the worms devouring their human…their friend, nearly drove them to madness. And so they carried the human limp body, wrapped in a blanket , to a demon necromancer. The human draws breath once more.

But now the long and jagged road of recovery is before them. And some old memories should have stayed buried. For everyone's sake.

Rules:

[ Not a rule, but I apologize in advance for any spelling mistakes you may find ]  

-Give credit to me, please, and thank you (Mystic Grove Audio)

-This script is free to use for monetization

-You can improvise and add things if you wish, like if you like a script but it seems to be tailored to a certain gender: change it so it fits what you like! But please, still give credit

-You can share the script outside of Archive, but again, please give credit

-If you make an audio/video, send me a link! I would love to see your work!

-Have Fun!

-------------------

[Sounds of distorted swords clashing, screaming, and fire. Sounds of a battlefield]

[All sounds come to ahead before getting silenced. Leaving with eerie whispers and a fast heartbeat that soon slows down to a normal pace]

Necromancer: [Muffled, creepy old voice] It is done, my (Lord/Lady) [Dark chuckle] What a feisty soul they have…

Dahlia/Dorian: [Muffled, softly, almost concerned but trying to hide it] Tell me, how much free will is still within them? Will they be able to function without orders?

Necromancer: [ Muffled, disappointed] If (his/her) (Lordship/Ladyship) desired an arisen corpse but forgo the thrall, then perhaps (he/she) should have sought out a paladin that had yet to succumb that war of- [Cut off]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Muffled, angry] Do not try my patience, Veil Ripper!

Necromancer: [Muffled, slightly sarcastic] My tongue means no offense to you, oh great Demon's Crown! 

Dahlia/Dorian: [Muffled, slight growl]

Necromancer: [Muffled, apathetic sigh] It depends, my (Lordship/Ladyship), on how long they have been dead. Those who are nothing but bones have no free will. And they act as if they know not the words. While those with more flesh clinging to them have been known to do things without orders.

Dahlia/Dorian: [Muffled] And what of their memories?

Necromancer: [Muffled, slowly fading out] Ahh, but of course! Yours is a shared history that runs deep. But you must understand, the soul might remember, but the mind is weak and frail- [Faded out]

[Pause, Heartbeat, and whispers fade out, and a warm crackling fire fades in. Rustling of a fabric as Listener starts to wake up.]

[Muffled morning birds outside the window. More rustling of fabric as Listener crawls closer to the fire]

[Slow footsteps on wooden floors, suddenly stop]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Softly] You [Pause] woke up. [Pause, more joyful and excited] You woke up!!

[Quick-paced footsteps on the floor; Dahlia/Dorian drop to their knees and hug Listener]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Holding back tears] I can feel your heart. I can hear your breath…I never thought I would see those eyes again, but- [Cut themselves off, pull away from the hug] Do you know who I am? Do you remember who you are!?

[Listener says master]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Taken aback, almost angered in tone] No. Do not call me that. [Angered and hurt] I am not your master. It's me. It's your D-[Cut themselves off slightly, a calmer tone] I'm (Dahlia/Dorian), and you are my friend, not my thrall! Not my slave!

Dahlia/Dorian: [Takes a deep breath] I can explain later, but right now, it's best we get you washed and dressed in clean clothes; you've been wearing those rags for [Pause] Gods only knows…come on, I'll help you up.

[Dahlia/Dorian helps the Listener to their feet. Listener stumbles a little as they start to walk]

Dahlia/Dorian: It's okay, it's okay. I got you. Your mussels have forgotten a lot, but don't worry, I'm here, and I'm going to help you. We just [Pause] need to take things slow. One step at a time, so to speak. Sorry for letting you sleep on the floor, but your skin felt so cold I thought having you closer to the fire would be good. I swear I have a bed for you.

[After a few more walking steps, they stop]

Dahlia/Dorian: I've been warming bath water all morning. It's a good thing I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep! Or you probably wouldn't have a nice warm bath waiting for you! [Soft chuckle] Unlike that one time in that little tavern! The way you acted, you would have thought a frost nymph was hiding in your bath water; you particularly begged me to light a fire around the tub with you still inside! Remember- [Cut off, clearing their throat, less cheerful tone] No. That look in your eyes tells me you don't remember.

[Fabric rustling as Dahlia/Dorian undress Listener]

Dahlia/Dorian: These rags aren't even fit to feed a fire. Right, the shirt is off, now- Here, put your hands on my shoulder. Pull this leg out, and then that one. Great. Now, do you think you can get in the tub by yourself? 

[Listener steps into the bath]

Dahlia/Dorian: Good, good, just take it slow, and don't worry, I'm right here-

[Listener collapses into the water with a splash. Muffled underwater.]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Muffled, Panicked] Sparrow!!

[Dahlia/Dorian pulls Listener back to the surface ]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Panicked] Are you okay? Are you- [Calm breath, exasperated chuckle] You're okay…[Sigh] Remember, I told you to take things slow.

[Dahlia/Dorian start to clean Listener, cloth scrubbing skin sound effect]

Dahlia/Dorian : Is the water too hot?

[Lisinter speaks]

Dahlia/Dorian: It feels warm? Good! At least you still have feelings; just let me know if I'm scrubbing too hard, okay?

Dahlia/Dorian: [To themselves] These rotten parts of the skin, I'll have to keep an eye on them, make sure they heal [Pause] The wounds on your back, they run so deep-

[Listener speaks]

Dahlia/Dorian: O-oh, why did I call you Sparrow? Well, that was the name the Mages of The Ivory Gate gave you. The Sparrow of Thistle. You were a summoner. One [Pause] One of the greatest summoners to walk the Four Realms. And I should know, I was one of your summons. Sparrow was the only name I knew you by. Due to the law of a summons contract, I couldn't know your true name.

[Some water splashes]

Dahlia/Dorian: Now, close your eyes. I'm going to wash your hair, and I don't want soap to get into them.

[Hair scrubbing]

Dahlia/Dorian: Your hair has gotten longer than the last I saw you … I can cut it if you like.

[Listener speaks]

Dahlia/Dorian: N-no, [Emphasis] I don't want your hair shorter; the choice is yours, remember? I'm not your master, and you are not my thrall. You're my friend, and I'm looking after you.

[Hair scrubbing, water splashing]

Dahlia/Dorian: Hold your breath for just a moment; I'm going to lay you back into the water to get the soap out. Okay? [Pause] Okay, ready?

[Listener goes underwater, Muffled water sound ambiance. The Listener is then pulled back up]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Slight laugh] See! That wasn't so bad. To your feet now, let's dry you off and get dressed. I have breakfast waiting for you, too.

[Listener says they are hungry]

Dahlia/Dorian: You're hungry? [Sarcastically] I can't think why! [Pause] But… I'm happy to hear that; it means you still have your human needs.

[Towel drying sounds]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Slight chuckle]

[Lisinter asks what's wrong]  

Dahlia/Dorian: Oh! Nothing! It's just your hair is so [Pause] Poofy now. Don't worry, I'll brush it later.

[Fabric sounds]

Dahlia/Dorian: Here, do you think you can dress yourself?

[Listener nods. Clothes rustling noise]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Witnessing Listener put the clothes on wrong. Trying to hold back laughter] Uhh..uhm, I don't think that arm- [Cut off] Ho-hold on! Wait, before you fall!

[Fabric sounds stop]

Dahlia/Dorian: Well…at least you got it on, but, uhm, that shirt is backward. Here, let me.

[Soft fabric sounds as the shirt is fixed]

[Listener speaks]

Dahlia/Dorian: I'm glad to hear so; the fabric is made from drider thread, softer than silk but stronger than metal armor, and all light as a dove's feather. [Paused] There, cleaned and dressed, now: we get to eat. Here, I'll guide you like before.

[Footsteps on the wooden floor, chair being pulled out]

Dahlia/Dorian: Have a seat.

[Chair is pushed back in. Footsteps walking away, filling a bowl from a pot. Footsteps walking back, setting the bowl down on the table. Dahlia/Dorian sit down]

Dahlia/Dorian: Well, go on~ I know it's only oatmeal, but I made sure to add some berries and milk to it. Shouldn't be too hot. [A little concerned] What's wrong? Didn't you say you were hungry?

[Pause]

Dahlia/Dorian: Oh, I understand now. You don't remember how to eat. [Under their breath] This is going to be a little more complicated than I thought. It's like…raising a child. [Deep breath] No matter, this is my responsibility, and if this is the Gods way of punishing me, then I should count myself lucky…I deserve far worse.

[Lisinter repeats the word "Punishment"]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Pulled from thoughts] Uh? Oh. No, no, nothing for you to be concerned about. Here, let's get some food in your belly.

[Wooden spoon scraping in a wooden bowl]  

Dahlia/Dorian: Open your mouth [Pause] And then close it. [Slight laugh] Yes, around the spoon, and keep it closed until the spoon is out. Okay? [A little bit of a struggle] Uhh, try not to press so hard around the spoon [Pause] There! Now chew the food before swallowing.

[Muffled chewing]

Dahlia/Dorian: Ready for another bite? 

[Wooden bowl scraping]

Dahlia/Dorian: Say ahhh

[Muffled chewing]

Dahlia/Dorian: You keep looking at me; it's the horns, isn't it.

[Listener speaks]

Dahlia/Dorian: I shouldn't expect you to remember much of your life, let alone remember that I'm a demon [Pause]. Here, do you think you can do it on your own, Sparrow? [Pause] That's it. Wrap your fingers around the spoon and just do what I did.

[Wooden spoon scraping on wooden bowl, Muffled chewing noise]

Dahlia/Dorian: Good, very Good. And while you finish up your breakfast, I'll brush your hair out.

[Chair pulling out, footsteps walking away, then walking back. Brush going through hair. Just that sound effect for a while]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Slightly nervous] I would very much like to tell you about our past. Would that be okay? I-I don't want to overwhelm you, though.

[Listener agrees]

Dahlia/Dorian: Okay [Deep Breath] From what you told me, you were orphaned by the Great Plague when you were very young. You called yourself a [Cut off]

[Lisinter says "Street Rat"]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Presently surprised] Y-Yes, Street Rat. You told me you used to raise a little hell when you were younger. I would never believe you when you told me. I couldn't even imagine someone as lawful as you would think of tripping a little old lady just to snatch a few coins. [Pause] What else can you remember?

[Listener speaks]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Thinking it over] Big beards….Big beards [Realization] OH! You must be remembering the Archmages of the Ivory Gate. One of them had a vision of you and your magical potential and personally brought you to the Academy themselves. It was unheard of that one from such a lesser status would be brought to learn such advanced Magic. The Archmages had high hopes for you, but I doubt not even they could foresee just how masterful you became. Rune spellwork and Elemental are things all Mages must learn, but to become a Summoner? That is a feat. [Excited], and you become the greatest that ever walked this Earth. You didn't even have to read out the spell of the contract to pull beings out of the pocket realm. You just [Pause] did. It came to you as easy as flipping a page of a book. You broke the Fox of Winterthur's record, you know. He could only summon a mere three; you could do six. 

[Listener speaks]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Soft chuckle] Magic has many laws. A contract can't trap things with a powerful soul or strong mind. So oftentimes, summoners resort to using animals, trolls, or even goblins. Anything with a weak mind. Or beings with no soul, like elemental spirits and, of course, demons. Preferably lesser demons. Once captured, they are bound to a spell scroll known as a contract. When not summoned, their body and mind are frozen in a pocket realm. To be a Summoner, you must be able to merge your soul and mind with one another to both bring them out of this realm and control them.

[Lisinter speaks]

Dahlia/Dorian: Yes, my contract was destroyed. You did it yourself…just as you promised me. I was born a lesser demon. I was captured in a contract over 100 years. Nearly my entire childhood. I had many master's before you. [Pause] When you summoned me for the first time, I thought it was for a battle, but do you remember the first words you ever spoke to me?

[Listener says no, hair brushing stops]

Dahlia/Dorian: [A little sad] "Hello, it's nice to meet you." [Pause] You kept me around even after battles. You treated me like I was one of the fellowship.

[Listener speaks]

Dahlia/Dorian: [A little confused] What are you saying- [Realization, softly] Their names [Louder] You remember their names. Seth, Ava, Gent, and you were part of the fellowship that led to the end of the Demon Lord. 

[Listener speaks]

Dahlia/Dorian: Yes, I was there too. We fought side by side against the Demon Lord [Pause] , But it was you who dealt the final blow; it was you who ended Hell's War. But [Pause, slightly hesitant] but that was a lifetime ago, and [Unsure what to say, clear throat] Sparrow, there's something I need to tell you. There was another war; it's been over now for a few years, but [Pause] Mankind has fallen. Seth, Ava, and Gent fell one by one during the battles. And you died. [Stumbling with their words] You were…captured and…and I-I couldn't get to you in time, and when I saw your body, I-

[Lisinter starts to freak out, repeating the word "Dead"]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Trying to calm them down] Hey, hey, Sparrow, Shhshh! Look at me. Sparrow, look at me, please! [Pause] Yes, Yes, I know, you died. They died. And the world you knew along with them. But look at me. I brought you back, and you're safe now. I swear to you that you are safe. I'm going to look after you from now on, and I will never let anyone touch you ever again. I swear it.

[Pause]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Deep breath] I think some fresh air might do us some good, yeah? Here, let's go to the garden. 

[Chair pulled out, slow footsteps, door opening. Spring forest ambiance, footsteps on grass]

Dahlia/Dorian: Just sit down here. [Pause] Yeah, I made sure to plant your favorite herbs. You used to carry around magical vials that helped different herbs grow. You couldn't go a few steps without your little travel garden. Never knew when Ava's cooking needed a spice or when you needed to patch me up again [Weary chuckle]

[Lisinter speaks]

Dahlia/Dorian: Yeah, it is calm out here. And you can stay out here all day if you want. And I can reach how to take care of the plants and- [Cut off]

[Lisinter asks what's wrong]

Dahlia/Dorian: No-nothing, it's just- [Pause] You stay right here; I just need to [Trailing off] Need to deal with something. 

[Dahlia/Dorian walks back into a house. Crow cawing and flapping its wing]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Annoyed] Tsk. That spell circle was meant to keep nuisances like you out!

[Crow angry cawing]

Dahlia/Dorian: Yes! Yes! I see the letter, thank you!

[Crow caws, flapping wings, and flies away. Envelope ripped open, paper unfolding]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Pause, emotionless] So, the council requests my presence.

[Pause, then the letter is ignited]

Dahlia/Dorian: [Angry] To hell with them and their petty politics! I gave them strict orders to NEVER disturb me when I'm here. They think they can summon me like- [Trying to calm themselves down] This is more important. They. Are more important.

The End

[the-crustoadian]

Alright time for a depressing rant that I feel I need to type out to feel better

I'm fucked. I can't find a job and I have negative money in my bank account. Rent is nearly 900 dollars. I have two bills still needing to be paid. There's barely any food in the house. If I can't get a job or find some money somehow, then what? My parents will let me stay with them, but that's not in the city I live in. It's in a rural town away from all of my friends and all opportunities to go out and have fun or do anything. There's less jobs out there. If that happens I've fucked over my best friend and roommate, who can't afford this pace all on her own, and I don't know what might happen with her if I leave. Oh, and I'd have to abandon my cat, which makes me feel like a literal monster, because my Dad is allergic to cats and not very healthy. A cat in the house could actually kill him, so I don't want to do that either. So what can I do? Just go back to my parents and... Do nothing until I die? I always think about trying to stream, but I don't even have a computer. I doubt I could gain an audience by just streaming from the twitch app on my Xbox and using my mic to talk. I also just... Don't think I actually like streaming. Or anything I "want" to do for a career. Streaming. Drag. Singing. There's a few things I "love" and "wish I could be doing" but the thought of actually doing them... I don't think I'd enjoy it. Streaming for months on end with no viewers. Trying to do drag with no make-up skills, no fashion sense, and no idea on how to move my body. Everyone says I have a nice voice but, honestly, so what? I love to sing but I'd never be a good artist. I can't write songs, I have no actually knowledge of making music like my sister does, and she's barely getting anything from being in a band. Nothing seems to be worth it. None of my "passions" seem like they should be pursued, because what's the fucking point? I'm never going to succeed in them. Not fat fuck me from fucking nowhere, knows no one, no fucking drive to do anything. I'm just so tired of this struggle. I've been "lucky" that I could stay in the city for this long while unemployed, but that's only because my fucking grandmother died and I got my portion of the inheritance. But I miss her so fucking much. It's not fucking fair, none of this is fucking fair. The way the world is, the way I am, the way I'm going to ruin my best friends life because I'm a fucking failure at everything. And my cat. My fucking cat. I don't want to live without him, I can't fucking abandon him like this, he's already been abandoned by those he's loved before. I'm fucking cruel for putting him through this again. And also passing the burden to someone else. Probably my best friend. "Hey I know you're minus half of rent but could you also cover the expenses for my cat now? Thanks." Fuck. God I'm so bad with money too. This is mostly my fault for being in this position. I'm so so so so so fucking bad with money. It all goes away on fucking Uber eats or door dash and fucking weed. And the occasional video game. I don't know when to fucking stop. And now that everything is so fucking expensive it goes even quicker. Ten years in this city is all I'll get I guess. Ten years that were filled with mostly me crying about how stressful living is. Some fun, some good times and memories, but... It's been nothin but shit for a long time. And it won't get better. I'm fucked. I wish I had the balls to kill myself.

[beyondiridescentwings]

The Storm

They say heartbreak can make or break a person, but I sorely underestimated how cruel and deceptively warm it could be. I thought myself something of a veteran at the game - someone who could give their all at it, but know when to close the chapter. Eventually.

I could never put into words the pain, the anger, the confusion, the desperation, the rejection, when reality set in. Like a hurricane of emotions you thought you could handle at first, and yet here you are, swept away to God knows where. You don't even know how to get back home. If there even is a home to go back to.

I'd never been good at pretending - I who always wore my heart on my sleeve, quite unfortunately - so I'm not sure how I would've looked like to an observer. This broken little thing trying to laugh and chat and seem like she's having a swell time while the unknowing perpetrator is completely unaffected.

Oh, how envious. How positively infuriating. But I can't blame him no matter how easy it would be. Love changes. Affection fades. It's just his luck that he has moved on far quicker than I. Perhaps he just got used to it with the innumerable fights. Perhaps he was no longer happy and was just waiting. Perhaps he prepared for it way more. Who knows. He's always been the adaptable one. Good for him.

I used to loathe his coldness, his indifference, but it is wrong to wish this suffering on he who once held your heart. But you know, I liked to think I was special. I liked to think I was a little more unforgettable. I liked to think he would at least shed a few more tears to what was lost. I suppose I may have been heartless when I should've been happy for his growth. In his way, he did his best. He did what he thought felt right. Who am I to tell him it wasn't enough? When we were fighting life and time themselves.

I thought I'd run out of things to say. I'd told myself I'll just let the feelings flow until the well is empty. But it's a different kind of torture to experience things with him but not "with him". To hear his voice every day and not have it say my name. To hear him laugh and not have it be just for me. It is anguish. But he wanted to stay friends, right? And I, coward that I am, thought I could cling to whatever lifeline was thrown at me.

Will I drown because of this selfish stupidity? When will I find the courage to let go and choose to be free? Do I want to be free?

In my vulnerability, I thought I wanted to forget. In my desperation, I wanted to regret. He should've left well alone. I should've not held so tightly. We shouldn't have hoped. We were happy, yes, but seeing him cast those memories aside like they were just level-up experience broke something in me. Enraged, I wanted to convince myself that it wasn't worth it. But then who am I kidding? The days I spent looking over at him while he blissfully played his games and watched his videos and made silly faces at me were the days I felt like nothing in the world could make me happier. The mornings where I woke up to his sleeping face wishing it could be every day were the mornings I felt safe and loved and the luckiest girl in the world.

Maybe one day I'll find a new love, the love I was meant to have. Or maybe I'll find peace with myself and live alone to support my family. After all, who would have the energy to keep going through all this over and over?

Maybe one day I'll wake up no longer able to remember his face, or his voice, or the warmth of his hands, and the softness of his lips. And maybe I'll be content with that.

Maybe someone will see me again for who I was, and tell me I needn't change, truly. Or maybe I'll be a better person and finally start taking care of myself again.

I'm not really sure what I want exactly in the future, all I know is I just want to get through today. One day at a time. So when I look back to him and me, I can say with 100% certainty that I'm glad I didn't forget, that it happened. Because anything that made you smile a genuine smile has to be worth remembering, right?

- 01/14/24

[sierrabinondo]

2023

jesus christ. lmao

well.

real quick- i'm basically never posting the link to these again. either people know where to find them or they don't. i think it's better that way.

for the first week of this year i had only one eye. i had poked my eyeball with my wire brush and couldn't open it without experiencing excruciating pain for days. i think that dumb little injury- unfortunate, yet kinda funny- really set the tone for 2023.

the first few months i was essentially in hibernation. we were hard at work tracking vocals on the with sails ahead record well into april, technically may too. we ran into so many setbacks- joe got sick, then i got sick (or vice versa???), one night i had a really bad crying spell and stayed home, sometimes shit just came up- it was incredibly difficult. and we were losing our minds feeling like this record was taking forever to get done. five nights a week spent tracking vocals, sometimes doing upwards of 60 takes (sry joe) to get my takes as perfect as possible. it was fucking. tough. and there's still things i wish i could have done differently, but we got it done.

it's kind of angering to think about how i've gotten better as a vocalist even in the time since, and i wish i could apply what i've learned to the record. but that just means that the songs will sound even better live, which will be awesome. i'm still proud of a lot of the work i did on the record.

at the end of the day, spending all that time making an album was the best possible use of my time. i don't regret it at all. i wish i could have streamed, but it's okay.

that truly was my life from january to april. i did dry january and it went well so i'm doing it again in 2024. i think i managed to extend it into most of February. the goal is to also continue it for as long as possible or generally abstain from alcohol more since WSA will be so busy. we went to shows here and there, and when we did hang out we got together at joe's since we had already been working. but that was really it. i finally got a new tattoo, which was the digimon sword piece i had been dying to get forever. i got to go to the new kura location in edison, too.

april happened. and then may was also a month.

june was an exceptionally busy month, and in that time we went on tour for WC3. three weeks prior, ryan had to bow out of the run due to an injury and we were SO fucking lucky that cha could step in last-minute. with all things considered, we played well on tour. as weepy and fucked up in the head as i was, that was one of my favorite weeks of this year, and one of my favorite memories. there's a longer, more detailed recap below so i won't go into exacts. but being around my friends all week was bliss.

in june, i also started taking muay thai classes. i had always wanted to go back to taking martial arts classes in some way, shape or form but i didn't think it would happen this soon. i thought maybe in my mid-30's i'd start, but it just worked out that i could start going now. i didn't start prior due to budget and time restraints but, i moved closer to my friends' gym, so i could finally go train. i knew it was going to be way different from cardio kickboxing, but understanding *some* of those fundamentals helped me at least have half a foot forward when i began training. it's taking me so long to absorb everything since i can only go once a week, but it has been fucking awesome. there was one class where emily and i were just throwing each other around on the mat, and it was a blast. not only has it been really fun and incredible to learn, but i have become closer with my friends sean and emily, and made a new friend in our classmate kim. they've all been a tremendous help in getting me through this year; probably more than they'll ever know.

god every month this year was so busy. early july, we finally filmed our music videos for the record and played a couple gigs. the month absolutely flew by. shooting the videos was a blast, and the two fests we played were very fun. sadly, in the midst of those two gigs, i was living a fucking nightmare. any sane person would cancel the shows and all of their obligations but i decided not to. i probably would have been better off for it, but i felt like playing the shows and being around my friends was better than being at home and mourning never seeing my dog again. but in july, i also returned to streaming, and it was so bittersweet going live again. since then, it's been difficult to maintain the schedule i once had, but i'm just so fucking grateful and glad that my community is still here. they didn't go anywhere. and i really don't care if i grow at the moment, because if they keep coming back that's all that matters. they are what makes continuing to stream worth it or even enjoyable at all. it's so much fun.

in august, WSA decided to start giving a shit about tiktok and meeting at joe's to do bits. we had the WC3R weekender, so we figured it was a good time to start getting into the swing of posting. if we want to grow at all, we have to. it really helped with promoting our shows. when we went on the weekender later that month, we got to see detroit and chicago for the first time. i am so blessed to be able to travel with my best friends and see cool shit. we also meet the most wonderful people and get to see longtime friends on the road, many of which we maintained contact with online only. i never hesitate to reassure people that tour is grueling, but it is so fucking rewarding.

the summer overall was awesome. spent a lot of time with friends new and old, longboarded, went to a food festival, spent a lot of time in brooklyn and philly. I SAW TWICE LIVE, FINALLY. top 3 best concerts of all time, it might rival the on letting go 10 year for #1. saw my childhood best friend get married and enjoyed a trip with my family to north carolina. SHOUTOUT ABARI VIDEO GAME BAR IN CHARLOTTE. because of emily, i also got to go to the beach so much!!! girl hooked it up with free badges!! and that was something i really wanted to make sure i didn't miss out on this year. i was sad the summer ended so early, but it was a good one.

when september came, it was like a break before the final arc of the year began. i still had to haul ass and get band stuff done, otherwise i took it a little easier. my month kicked off with a trip to the DMV, which was incredible. the barbeque at adam's was awesome, and i had a blast living with kevin and caleb for a week. it felt wrong to leave to be honest LMAOOOO. i am so grateful to them for their hospitality. basically when i crash there i live in their basement lmao and i work remotely!! and it totally all works out! then we hang really hard at night. karaoke at queen's gambit was. god. just one of the most perfect nights out i have ever had. and even the nights where we didn't do much, it was wonderful. later that month was my birthday, for which my plans got hella derailed due to the storm, but my friends who are local still came which i'm so grateful for. we partied hard and sang karaoke for hours. i wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

being single is fucking weird, but i'm mostly used to it now. it's nice to get attention but i rarely feel like actually into anyone. and when i do, it's not reciprocated. also! being on dating apps is fucking weird! i got on them because i was craving physical intimacy but since then i've only gone on one date. that was just two days ago. people are just so weird. i really tried to connect with both men and women- i don't even want anything serious- but people just stop answering. thankfully, i really didn't get discouraged over it at all. i'm not gonna lie, i also just would stop answering people i was initially interested in. it just sucks so much. it's hard to feel anything, even excitement. but i guess i also don't really take it seriously. hence my insane prompt answers lmao

october through december was basically 9 seconds. mostly because of us dropping new music. i spent october scrambling to get everything ready, november was all about darting, then prepping for the rest of the album shit we need and filming content in december. i finally got to see ciara again since we met in LA!! we showed her around philly and jersey. i finally got to see steph and her family, regretfully for the first time in a long time. i'm pretty sure i was there the month prior then went back for brian's birthday. it's been harder for us to get time in together, but hanging out with steph is always just like picking up where we left off, no matter how long it's been. i went to a really fun wedding halloween weekend, and got to cosplay ann tamaki for halloween this year, which is like the 2nd faithful cosplay i've done since going blonde haha. bea kind of counts but not really? i didn't wanna chop my hair or wear a wig so. oops.

november flew. all i had on my mind was darting eyes. we wished there was a more explosive response, but we're still insanely proud of what we achieved. it was cool to see everyone's reactions and have people be really hype about it. i felt proud to see people say it's our best song yet. i think it's up there with some of the sickest shit we've written. i also went back to kevin and caleb's to chill with them for their birthdays and to go see daoboys in baltimore. i would love to make that a yearly trip provided that we're both free that week of november. also i cringe when i think about how i fucked up when i mic grabbed for daoboys BUT it was still an awesome experience and i'm so lucky i can say that i got invited to do that at all.

when december came, i was not feeling festive at all. even on christmas eve, i woke up feeling more normal about it than ever. i've never listened to so little christmas music in my life. it was a really tough month. i missed brawly so badly. but my friends were glad to hang out and do festive shit with me, which helped so much. on christmas, it was just me and my family, no one else, and it was really lovely. it's become one of my top favorite christmases ever.

this year was tough for many reasons most likely obvious, but for a long time i resented being alone with myself. i ran from it as a kid. if i was left out of plans with friends, i would feel sorry for myself instead of dusting my shoulders off and practicing my instruments. and i definitely still did that - but i could have done more, and channeled less negative energy from it. but i ended up doing so much, spontaneously, on my own. and i'm so proud of myself for it. it took time, but i accept what has happened to me and i feel myself ready for a clean slate. i'm definitely just not ready for a relationship yet. i realized yesterday that i'm emotionally unavailable, still. i need more time. getting older sucks but, i'm not too worried about being alone for a little longer at all.

and doing those things alone is totally self care too. speaking of which. I TOOK SO MANY BATHS THIS YEAR. shoutout to my parents' jacuzzi tub. that mf is fam forreal,,,,,, i have a whole set up lmao i throw in a bath bomb, some bubbles, sometimes i grab a mask or some wine, and i throw on anime. it's so therapeutic but one time i got lightheaded from being in there too long so i have to be careful hahaha. i'm grateful to my parents for allowing me to use it so much.

i spent...... so much time with my family and friends this year. i don't remember the last time i have hung this hard with them. our family's bond has taken a completely different shape now that we're all adults, and it's become so much deeper. not only did we go through the breakup together, but losing our cats. i can be a pain in the ass for them all still, which i need to work on, but things are much better now than they have been in the past.

i got so much closer with my bandmates. we hung out way more as best friends, not just to write music and film bits. my lifelong best friends immediately took me under their wing when shit initially hit the fan in april and they haven't let go since. what i went through made me develop an even deeper connection to friends i wished i got to spend more time with. and i just. i had been conditioned to believe for so long that i didn't truly deserve many things, but i no longer have any reason to believe that because of the people who choose to be in my life. i really have such incredible family and friends. i always joke that i didn't ask to be born and shit, but i got the luckiest draw when it comes to the company i have. not that i don't give myself credit for enduring what i had to go through, but i would have been fucked without the support system i have. i am truly so thankful every day.

god i can barely get through finishing this post without crying!!!!

when we went out to dinner recently, my friend asked us what we learned this year. i couldn’t answer because i didn’t even know where to start. i took some time to think about it, and it’s unfortunately a lot. but, here is what i learned in 2023: 

what i thought was love was really attraction, and even comfort. those things are still important in a healthy context, but real love is respect- respecting your partner enough to recognize when you’re hurting them and crossing boundaries repeatedly. and a real apology is not repeating that hurtful behavior. it’s not just words, and it’s not blaming others for your mistakes. it’s action. this goes for friendships, too.

believe the things someone says when they’re livid at you. it’s not that those awful things are true, but they are an accurate reflection of how they feel about you. i am so mad at myself for not seeing this glaring red flag probably upwards of a couple dozen times. I challenged these words and i was still reassured those angry sentiments were meaningless. it all adds up now.

take people at face value. don’t try to prove them wrong about themselves. act as if who they are right now is the way they’ll be forever. that was so fucking hard for me as someone who has always largely believed in people’s propensity to change. my therapist really really tried to drill this into my head when i started seeing her in may. it was tough to follow the first time and it didn’t finally stick until the second time i made the mistake of not listening in september. i had to abandon being a fixer. the second time i was challenged in this way this year, i didn’t so much as try to fix them, but i was praying they weren’t right about the terrible things they were telling me about themselves. i wanted them to prove me wrong. i had to come to terms with the fact that because of their commitment to believing they were no good, and not respecting boundaries, we were not going to work out. i truly believed i could love people into being better. i thought giving grace would inspire them to want more for themselves. it is physically impossible. 

it is so much better to keep your mouth shut about your personal life. as someone who has always been an open book and worn her heart on her sleeve, this has been extremely difficult for me (lmao). firstly, there’s no need to prove yourself to people who are committed to not empathizing with you. not even reacting or telling the objective truth will help, because they will be dead set on denial. it fuels their disdain. second, the reality is, even some (maybe most!) people who care about you will not understand exactly what you’re going through, and how all-encompassing it feels. and it’s not ok to word vomit about your trauma all the time. unless the offer is extended, it’s best to journal everything and use tools like therapy. i am so glad i have songwriting for this. i just had such great cognitive dissonance that i couldn’t even trust myself, and that's why i couldn't shut the fuck up in/on private lmao. i constantly found myself questioning reality and seeking validation. i couldn’t conceive what the fuck was happening to me nor place how i was supposed to feel. i felt tremendous, overwhelming guilt and grief. a part of me died. we all make jokes about gaslighting, but the psychological torment is no joke.

i made a little change where i stopped calling myself stupid and i legitimately felt a small improvement in my mental health. i highly recommend actually speaking kinder to yourself. there are other insults i should stop using towards myself but that alone felt like a positive step in the right direction.

i believed i wasn’t being held back and that it was all in my head, but staying in a place where i was being emotionally and verbally abused was not only worsening my anxiety but my physical health. i went no contact, and i could even breathe better. sleep better. i used to experience acid reflux daily and now it’s on an occasional basis. I am lonely sometimes, and i am still grieving somewhat, but i feel so much better. it’s incredible.

and now i’m so fucking mad that i accepted less than i deserved for so, so long. i am so mad that i held myself back from being truly happy. even being in a better situation mentally for the last decade might have meant i would have been farther along in my goals. now that i understand how fucked my mental health was that entire time, and how it ruined my self-perception, i feel such a well of emotions when staring ahead at the rest of my life. i have no fucking idea what it looks like. in april there was a dark, deep precipice. now, it’s a little less steep, but it’s there. sometimes it’s not. i am fucking terrified of what comes next, but at the same time i wonder how much i can affect by legitimately believing in myself and having zero mental hindrances. what if i can actually will all of my dreams into reality. after what i experienced this year, i feel like i have nothing to lose, now. so if i'm a little delusional in 2024 i'm sorry lmao. i am only this young for so long!!! and i am hellbent on trying to have as incredible of a year as i can. but if it's anything like 2023, without all of the bad, it certainly will be.

[anangelofheaven]

Sermon 16

Happy Sunday!

Whenever I wish someone a happy Sunday, I'm reminded that every day is a happy Sunday, in a sense. Many may wonder, how is that the case, especially in a place like down here in Pandemonium?

Every day can be happy if we find cause for happiness. When are we happiest? It is when we feel satisfied, both by the results of our efforts and by the gifts we receive. The classic example is a happy birthday, where we get to be celebrated, unwrap presents and cherish our existence.

Yet, we can do these things every day. There are many occasions where, whether dancing in the Serpent's Tavern or relaxing in the bath house, I have opportunities to be celebrated by doing kind things for others. A 'thank you' is seldom far away if you look for chances to earn it!

Similarly, we "unwrap presents" simply by being in the present. I don't mean hiding in an actual box; I mean 'living in the now' as they say. We never know what's going to happen next. However, we do know that reasons to appreciate the moment we are in are there to be found if we seek them. Maybe music is playing to be enjoyed, or maybe it's a pleasant silence. Maybe we can simply enjoy the feeling of our heart beating or of breathing or stretching, and if we can't do that, we have our memory or imagination to employ. Moreover, there's the fact that by casting aside both expectations and routine, we open ourselves up to experiences that we might never expect. For example, though it may be considered trite, have you ever just gone out to a new location and walked around? The very experience of it holds a similar excitement to pulling open a ribbon, tearing aside shiny paper and seeing what's in the box.

Those are both part of the last component, cherishing one's existence. So long as you are alive, you have cause to hope. It may not pan out, but it exists because you exist. Only without existence are you doomed.

I remind people of this on a near-daily basis in Pandemonium. Being that it's hell, many sulk into the Serpent's Tavern with a chip on their shoulder, jealousy in their heart, or the burden of guilt or insufficiency. I remind them that they don't have to carry that weight. They can put down the cross, so to speak.

Are they tired of being seen as foolish, cruel, or inadequate? They need only find a fresh start, working on their kindness, wisdom or talents. Are they haunted by wrongs they've done or that they've suffered? They need not be, as many people have yet to meet them, and so long as they are aware of how they created their own past patterns, they have a shot at being someone entirely separate from their past. As for inadequacy, that's often a matter of setting a new standard for themselves.

That's where the 'every day is a Sunday' part of this comes in. We've proven that happiness is seldom out of reach. But how is every day a Sunday?

Think about what Sunday represents. For one, it's the first day of the week. It's a brand new start, a press of the reset button, a fresh opportunity. But, every day is that. Every instant, is that. No matter what you're doing right now, whether you're chaining up a mortal to be tortured, playing a video game, or driving a long-haul truck, you can set that aside and do something entirely new. Every day, every instant, is a completely new beginning.

Sunday, for the religious among us, is also a reminder of God's love. Just as Christ said that we are all His loved children, we can be assured that no matter what we do, our creator loves us enough to give us the miraculous potential of our existence. He gives us those new moments, and He spells out quite plainly how to live them well, by following His example.

We're told to love others, even if they're our enemy, meaning to not carry the burden of our pain or vengeance. We're told to not care about material things, because they come and go and come again. We're told to live a generous life, always looking for opportunities to help others, even just by saying something nice to them.

Above all, we are told to be thankful, humble, and decent. Other angels, particularly the warrior angels, often ask me why I hold so totally to these principles. They'll often bring up the commandments given to Moses, the famous 'ten', and say we should be enforcing them with others.

I remind them that enforcement is no longer needed, as Christ died for all of our sins. Everyone knows how to find heaven through God's example and it's solely our responsibility to do as He did; offer others the good news of redemption, remind them of God's love, and leave it to them. We don't need to push others around, drilling into them that they shouldn't steal, kill, commit adultery or lie. All of those things, and more, are covered by Christ's elemental edict: "Live as I do, loving all, extending redemption, especially to oneself."

It is that simple, folks. There's no other standard you need to hit in order to have a satisfactory life. You don't need a mega mansion, a trip to Tokyo, or a dozen different sexy people fawning over you. All of those things come and go. And believe me when I say that an abundance of those things can very quickly become an overabundance and a burden. You strive hard to achieve a certain pile of love, respect or stuff, and soon find you have to strive to get rid of it all.

As God told us, let the dead bury the dead. Let life's new opportunities clothe you and feed you like the birds are clothed are fed. Let go of all standards and let yourself follow in His path, that of redemption for all and gratitude for what You have.

In short, have a happy Sunday, every day!

[otasnox]

idk there's a lot of stuff i miss. ultimately? i think i'm better off now then i was then. but man, i was fucking HAPPY back then. i'm sure as hell not now!

idk. i miss dave's cabin in alaska, his dogs, the smell of his cigarettes while i watched snow fall. i miss sitting in a shitty manhattan apartment, only temporarily, and kissing him. was that our first kiss? i can't remember. i miss waking up in the same bed as him. i miss the nomad, i miss sunny. god, i miss sunny.

does she know how much i love her? probably not. i had a lot on my mind back then but god, that doesn't excuse me being a mediocre father. (the only reason i'm not saying i'm a bad father is because the bar is so, so low in source. the bar is on the floor and some of those dads (my dad and dave's dad) started fucking digging. jesus christ.

i wish i could say sorry to a lot of people. i wish i could tell emma sorry. i wish i could tell sunny sorry. i wish i could tell my mom sorry. i don't even fucking remember my mom, what do i have to apologize for? but i feel guilty anyway. i wish i could tell raiden sorry. i wish i could tell just about everyone at shadow moses i was sorry. i wish so so badly i could tell olga how fucking sorry i am, how sorry me and dave were.

did we do right by her? do you think she was proud of how her daughter grew up? probably, but no thanks to me and dave. i think i remember trying (and succeeding, thank god) to be better to her after mgs4, but my memory's fuzzy right now. i couldn't give you examples.

is it weird to miss all that? it never really happened. it's a fucking video game. but god, to me it feels so, so real. it's so weird to recall these things so vividly. i wouldn't change it for the world, though, because if i couldn't find my identity in fictional characters, who would i even be?

i never did end up having a smoke with dave, i don't think. we might've had drinks a couple times? i don't remember. i was never much of an alcohol person (then OR now). i think i remember smoking weed, or maybe it was edible gummies, something weed-related, with him. that was fun, even if i barely remember it. maybe we can do that again in this life. i'd like that.

i miss a lot of big things but i miss a lot of small things, to. i miss kissing him. i miss hugging him, i miss cuddling him. hell, i miss talking to him. i love my girlfriend now, but we're obviously different fucking people than we were in source. sometimes i just long for something that's only a distant memory, you know? i miss eating with him. sometimes we had takeout, sometimes instant ramen. neither of us were fantastic chefs, but i think both of us could follow a recipe just fine. i used to watch great british bakeoff with sunny, did i ever say? and dave said he wasn't interested, and then he would stand behind the couch and watch it anyway. it's such a him thing to do.

i think i only miss source this much lately because of how fucking lonely i am now. i think i genuinely have like less than ten people i would call close friends (all online), no idea how many online friends i have in total-- less than 50, i'd wager, considering i have slightly more than that in followers on my (priv) twitter (and a good chunk of those are old accounts) & less than 5 friends i met on tumblr that i can name off the top of my head. i have three friends in real life, one of which i haven't talked to in a year. other two i haven't seen since october. i have plenty of acquaintances-to-friends (i'm quick to call people friends but i always feel awkward in case they wouldn't say we're friends) in various discord servers i talk in.

i love all my friends so, so dearly, please don't get me wrong, but going so long without like real-life contact other than my mom and my two siblings? i think it's making me a little crazy. who else have i hugged in the past month? my grandparents, i think (when they left after new years). my aunt & maybe my uncle, i don't remember. my two cousins. (all of those were before new year, now that i think about it...) it's to the point where some of the only physical contact i've had outside of my immediate family has been doctor's appointments and physical therapy. like, it's BAD. i always feel a little happier after a doctor's appointment literally just because it feels so nice to have physical fucking contact with someone. it's fucking pathetic!

and i've seriously only spoken out loud to two friends this month (the two friends i normally call with), and my drums teacher...? i guess he's a friend, but he's a mentor, so i don't know if i would classify that as a friend...? i don't know. i like him, though, he's fun. i've spoken to my aunt, i guess, if she counts? but she's family, i don't know. i miss going to school, isn't that fucking pathetic? i was a junior for THREE YEARS, i get why i dropped out. i don't even miss the work i did, i just miss fucking being around other people! it's so bad

i don't know. i hope i get my fucking GED soon so i can enroll in community college because i need something to do and i need to talk to people or else i'm gonna do something fucking stupid (probably cut myself)

oh well! i should probably sleep soon.

missing source

[tinandabin]

Another gen z reader pls!

YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND.

Yandere Muzan x Gen Z! Reader.

Also, this will contain TRIGGERING THEMES!! It could be anything, like mentions of murder, blood, obsession, anything yandere related. Basically dark content, so if you are NOT comfortable with such stuff, please do not read this post!

Okay, so before we start this shit, just know that Muzan here is kind of gonna be like, only good to you and shit.

"My love, I'm back-" Muzan announced as he started taking off his coat like they did in those 90s shit. Or not. God, my memory is fucking shit. That does not matter, for the only goal in your mind at the moment is to find a excuse to get away from this ugly orange of a demon.

"Oh no, I forgot to water my baguettes! I am so sorry, I must take my leave right now!" Just as you said that, your baguettes in the background screamed, "Hydrate us, [Name]!"

I can't even properly tell you how hard Muzan face palmed at your so stupid attempts to try and escape his affection??? And he doesn't even wanna know who you bribed to wear baguette costumes and say to hydrate them.. What did you even bribe them with???

One of them was probably Enmu.

Muzan, himself doesn't know why the fuck he finds you so amusing. It's probably because you are like, literally playing with your life. Literally.

Evidence is the time when you once tried drinking bleach because first, it looked tasty, and second, you wanted to know what bleach tastes like.

And my God, it did not taste as good as it looked like! IT WAS A SCAM. No one ever scammed you this hard. It tasted like extremely concentrated swimming pool water.

Oh that reminds you of the time when you drank swimming pool water-

And in the Taisho Era, there is no shit like fanfics or memes so Muzan can more than often find random drawings...which are memes but his boomer brain can't process what's so funny about it. Like, talking croissants are funny- no, not the ones you find on Kids YT.

But as I said there are no fanfics, and my goodness do you love reading, proof is of you reading this. So let's hope you like reading books too.

No fanfics. What can you do? Probably read Shakespeare. I'm bullshitting my way through this, please deal with it.

Of course, after reading Shakespeare your grammar and vocabulary got a lot better! Which Muzan liked, a lot.

But,,,,, you being you, now even have more ways to insult Muzan. Like,

Thou base decayed ingested-lump!

Thou perfidious weather-bitten writhled shrimp!

Thou fawning fool-born filthy rogue!

And you could go on and on, but let Muzan have a break.

It's so funny to the uppermoons, especially Douma, when Muzan is just 'scolding' them by 'gently' smashing there heads in and you come in and go, "Awww, mama duckling scolding her ducklings..." As you pretend to make a video with your phone which you don't have because Muzan broke it because he's an asshole.

And as soon as you come in, somehow all the blood disappears and everything is normal as he kisses your forehead and asks, "What are you doing here, darling, did I not tell you to not leave your room?"

Everyone present could feel the temperature drop when Muzan said that, and that was not a good sign.

"YOU AREN'T MY MOM." As soon as you said that, you ran away faster than light because you are....idk. You were able to run away mostly because Muzan let you, but trust me when I say that he wasn't angry at you, more so at the demons who he kept at your room's door to prevent you from leaving the room.

And those poor, poor demons who were now begging for their lives as Muzan glared at them, "I gave you one job, one job.."

That's just when you had to again come in, "CUT!" You yelled, "Do it again, but this time, with more feelings." The demons and Muzan nodded, "ACTION!" You said as the scene started again, this time, with more feeling.

One time you just pointed at one ugly demon and said, "This does not spark joy," Muzan killed it. And then after seeing what Muzan did to the ones you said that to, "This does not spark joy," you said to Muzan. Pointing at him.

And after that, he was seen sulking the whole day because he thinks you hate him, which you do. I hope. I don't know.

MASTERLIST

[longtimenospooning-luci]

Seokjin:

Updated 01/16/24

On Your Knees - @borathae

Hot water, thick steam and your boyfriend on his knees begging for your forgiveness. What a pleasant turn of events indeed….

How to Fake a Boyfriend - @bts-reveries

you are like every other youtuber, uploading videos once a week, collaborating with other youtubers in your city, following all the trends, etc. you were usually all about the aesthetics, beauty, fashion, food, and artsy vlogs. until one night, you got a hate comment from a day one subscriber. calling you boring and ‘no longer interesting enough to watch’. so with the help of a couple of your fellow youtuber friends, you were about to change that. pranking your subscribers and followers was never in your forte, but what happens when the single since birth youtuber: lovelyn, suddenly has a boyfriend?

Lay Me Gently - @ddaenggtan

there is no time for loneliness among the fires of your forge, no room in your buzzing mind for thoughts of anything but your next invention and the pain in your leg. your life is tilted off its axis, though, when your parents arrange a marriage without your knowledge or consent, and your new husband begins to situate himself into your life despite protests from either of you. you don’t know what Zeus and Hera have planned, but a volcano is no place for a love god like Seokjin.

Half-Baked Holiday - ^^

That Seokjin, don’t get me started on him. He’s worked hard to open and run that bakery of his, you know, and I’m so proud that it’s so successful now. Wish he would find a nice person to settle down with, though, he deserves it, as long as he’s been on his own. Well, I guess you can’t really call it alone when he’s got that grump of a best friend always hanging around him. He really should be paying her, what with all the time she spends at the bakery with him. She’s always waking up on the wrong side of the bed, but she’s not so bad when she brings me some of those cookies of his, or just around Seokjin in general, if I’m honest. Too distracted by staring at that pretty face of his, I suppose, though who can blame her?

Raspberry Truffles - @gukyi

how to fake date your best friend: step one - don’t fall in love with them. failed step one.

Seven Seconds in Heaven - @jimlingss

In the moment of your death, Heaven drops the hammer of punishment; making him travel back in time to relive memories that can never be changed. Seven seconds before they are ripped away.

Worshipers of the Sun - ^^

After the war, the God of Sun married the Goddess of Love to exemplify that such devastation will never occur again. But you knew his affections were untrue and fled. After a century, Seokjin goes looking for you to bring back home.

Silly Kitty - @jincherie

Hybrid Jin gets taken in by MC when all he wanted was a good home for his little found family of other hybrids. Fluffy, fluff, fluff!

Have Mercy - @justcallmenikki7

Jin is forced to break up with you because of BigHit.

I will, I Promise - ^^

you and your friend get attacked and you wish death upon them and your boyfriend is happy to comply.

Nerves - ^^

you meet your boyfriend, Seokjin’s, alter ego, Jin. 

Beside You - @kimnjss

he’s bad for you. from the commitment issues to the endless scandals. sworn to never settle down… well, that’s until he sees how happy you can be without him. now he’s willing to do anything to keep from losing you to your so-called ‘perfect boyfriend’. feat. Jimin

Fire and Darkness - @kpopfanfictrash

Persephone!y/n + Hades!Jin

Heathens - ^^

A mafia princess who recently inherited the throne, you are forced to play by the rules in a world you despise.

Teach You - @lachimolala7

mafia au, arranged marriage au, fluff

Arrested - @ladyartemesia

Detective Kim Seokjin x Criminal Reader

Farewell - @mirahuyooo

The legends tell of a young man, whose life concluded with his reflection, and a young nymph, who fell for him insistently. He rejects her, as he does with any other and she’s heartbroken—or so the tales say.

Lucky at Cards, Unlucky at Love - @namjoonxorg

Mob ties run deep within the US, so much so that crime has become a business in of itself; Kim Seokjin is a pioneer of this métier. He, along with his 6 other business partners, somehow manage to keep Kim Co. and its illegalities largely separated. However, when Min Y/N, the adopted sister of Min Yoongi, begins to unravel lose ends about her past, the strings between the company and the crimes seem to be tying increasingly tight.

Burden - @neonlights92

After the death of his wife during childbirth Kim Seokjin is unable to hold his baby daughter without grief taking control. Just three weeks after the love of his life is taken from him so suddenly, Jin is expected to marry somebody new. You are foolish and have spent your whole life pining after Kim Seokjin from afar, even after he marries your best friend, Seul.  But suddenly Seul is gone and you are expected to marry Jin and raise his child. You know your heart is already in it, but what about his?  

Dangerous Situation After an Argument - @thebangtancloud

Read if you need something to make you cry.

Safe with Me - @writersrealmbts

You’ve always wanted to help people, and suddenly, you’ve been given the chance to help three hybrids who are down on their luck: Jimin, a cat hybrid, Jungkook, a bunny hybrid, and Jin, a dog-hybrid. Opening your home and your heart to these three, anything could happen. Including you getting hurt.

The King's Daughter - @writtenwhalien

Seokjin x Princess Reader, enemies to lovers au.

Currents - @yeoldontknow

Jin thinks he’s loved you since the moment he saw you, back when you were teenagers; Jin knows he’s been in love with you, the soul burning kind of love, since he saw you on your wedding day. He doesn’t mind that you don’t reciprocate on his level, he’s just happy to show you he cares. Until one day, he simply can’t anymore. Until one day, you realize you need to show him you care, too. 

Love Forsaken - @yoongi-sugaglider

hanahaki disease~ a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one sided love. If the love is not returned the person suffering can only escape the disease through death or surgery to remove the flowers along with the emotions connected to them.