#god i remember i was doing a job interview and the lady asked me if I was over 18

[mrpenguinpants]

Are you an 18+ adult so I may interact ?

Yes, I am 👍 feel free to interact.

[tevanbuckley]

some low points from the ry*an g*zman interview because i need you all to feel my pain.

when talking about his celibacy (yes he uses that word): "I haven't entertained any interactions with any other females" — gave me the ick 0/10

uses the phrase "a woman's touch," to explain why women are inherently good at interior decorating(?) and that this skill is how women are able to enrich a successful man's life — side note: at no point do they talk about how men enrich women’s lives.

immediately after this the religious imagery takes a left turn and exits my frame of reference, bc instead of just asking "do you think you still have things to work on?" like a normal person, the host says "I want to know what one Thorn is in your flesh." — someone raised more religious than i was needs to chime in on if this is normal christian doctrine or a sign he might be in a cult. (is it a reference to the thorns in jesus' crown?)

ryan makes a weird comment about how "you've seen civilizations built on [a man in love]" — genuinely idk what the fuck this means — but it leads into a tangent about like, men as providers and how "I would do anything for my women."

"peace is key yeah we got enough problems in the world outside the house and so long as I come back to the house and I get peace," — maybe i'm being pedantic but the way he keeps framing woman as belonging in the home is 🚩🚩🚩🚩

"for the next woman I would have in my life I can see that they navigate their their problems and still offer peace to their men." — again 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

surprisingly claims he has been to therapy, which assuming is true, idk it worked.

the host: "women may be fighting internal battles you know kind of themselves do you believe that a woman still fighting those battles are able to still bring peace" — because remember ladies, no matter what you're going through your job is to bring peace to your man's home.

there's some more brief gender essentialist bs where ryan talks about how men "like to fix things," but are bad listeners, and how "problems within women are so specific to women that I wouldn't even try and and say that I have a grasp on them."

then the host randomly asks him if he thinks men need to be financially stable before entering a relationship or if dating a broke guy is a way to "present loyalty."

weirdly ryan actually kind of dodges this question, but ends up suggesting social media is a good place to get "great examples of what does and what doesn't seem to work." in relationships — and no. no it isn't.

oh and then he starts talking about conor mcgregor for some reason? and how it's bad he disrespected his wife by stepping outside their marriage — and i mean sure, although infidelity feels second to the rape accusations??

says it's harder for a woman to come into a man's life when he's already established because "now the man has proven to himself that he never needed a woman." — which, interesting given how later he talks about how women need to stop trying to do the independent woman thing.

he also gets weirdly possessive over his daughter at one point. does the classic "God forbid I find out that man disrespects my little baby." — idk, on the surface he talks about how he wants her to know her value, but it seems like he has a pretty limited view of what that value is.

the host drops lore about how she moved out of her parents house at 14/15 and how she had to "stop thinking like a woman and start thinking also like a man," but stay feminine and "know what a man wants and how to cater to that but also still be soft." — i mean good lord, i don't even know where to start 🤢.

this btw is the preamble to ryan's rant about "independent women."

and god the more i read the more i am deeply concerned about the woman hosting (i saw someone earlier say she's 21). this woman is barely an adult and has so much internalised misogyny, talking about how "us women don't know how to direct our emotions." and "in today's generation a lot of men are deprived of even the small things because a lot of women are takers."

this whole interview is utterly bizarre and i feel like it's taken years off my life. like i said earlier, this isn't a normal podcast he got weird on, this is straight up christian propaganda

[reneesghostinthelivingroom]

Reneé x Reader

Where Reader is super shy and Reneé finds it cute

They are doing an interview or something and reneé has a hand on her at all time to help her ?

Lights, Camera... Anxiety

|| Reneé Rapp x fem!reader

|| Warnings; swearing, anxiety but it's fluffy I promise

|| Summary; reader was doing her first interview with Reneé, Reneé had invited her on as a sort of formal introduction as her girlfriend. Since she has talked about it during her shows, but never fully expressed it. Reader's more than a little nervous.

Requests open!

Started; september 23rd

Finished; september 24th

~~~

"Oh, God." Were your first words out of your mouth this morning the moment you realized what day it was. Interview day. You'd obviously done job interviews before... but this? This was NOT a job interview. This was a recorded interview for Buzzfeed. To say you were nervous was an understatement.

Reneé laid in bed next to you, murmuring something when her arm came and wrapped around your body. Pulling you impossibly close as her eyes fluttered open, her gaze half lidded as she watched you with concern in her eyes. "Mm, baby? What's wrong?"

The panic in your eyes didn't leave as you looked at her, her touch definitely helped you relax. Even just a little," we have that interview today."

"Huh?" She looked at you with confusion before it clicked in her head what you meant. Reneé had almost internally forgotten about it," oh shit." Her panic was different than yours. The stress of getting ready for the interview as opposed to the actual interview itself.

She looked at the clock and sighed," we've got time before we have to start getting ready. C'mere." Reneé mumbled, pulling you into your arms. She hadn't noticed right away how stressed you were, until she felt how quickly your chest was moving. She adjusted herself so she hovered just above you. Arms rested on either side.

With brows narrowed in concern, she studied you. Noting how you couldn't meet her eyes, how you seemed to tremble just a little. Reneé took your chin in her hand, thumb gently rubbing across your jawline in a soothing motion.

"Look at me, baby. What did I tell you yesterday?" Reneé asked, her tone soft and soothing.

Yesterday. That felt like so long ago right now. You forced your mind to try to remember the exact moment she was referring to through your growing anxiety. It wasn't easy, but you think you found it. Although you weren't about to say the moment she wanted you to, you went with another one as you smirked at her," 'Nice ass'?" You quoted.

Heat flushed through Reneé's cheeks and she rolled her eyes at your response," ha ha. Cute, but no. And I know you know what I'm talking about."

"Don't worry about the interview, just follow me'." You quoted her again and she smiled at you, giving your forehead a kiss.

"Exactly. You're gonna do fine."

The day seemed to go by quickly, almost too quickly for your liking. Soon enough you were on the interview couch with Reneé next to you and the interviewer across from you in his own chair.

He offered the two of you a smile," Reneé Rapp and Y/N L/N, ladies and gentlemen!" He introduced the two of you to the camera before looking your way again," Reneé! Lovely to have you again."

"Happy to be here," Reneé smiled, giving your hand a subtle reassuring squeeze. The two of you sat close, the only thing keeping you at a slight distance was your hands intertwined together in the middle. You had asked Reneé prior if she could hold your hand throughout the interview. She, obviously, agreed.

The interviewer didn't seem to have an issue with it, if anything they were encouraging the two of you to be coupley. Wanting to boost their views off it.

"Tell us who you've brought with you today," The interviewer continued.

"I think she can introduce herself," Reneé looked at you, her eyes soft and encouraging," can't you, baby?"

You tried your damn hardest not to stutter over your words, though you fumbled a little anyways," I'm her girlfriend, Y/N L/N."

Reneé gave your hand another squeeze, her eyes showing nothing but love and pride for you. With how nervous you'd been all day, she was worried about how this would go for you. But you seem to he handling yourself just fine.

"I understand Reneé recently announced that she was dating someone, it's lovely to formally meet you. Now, how long has this relationship been going on for?" The interviewer asked.

You instinctively looked at Reneé, feeling your nerves kick up again. Reneé seemed relatively calm. As though she wasn't nervous at all.

"A little over five months now," She answered confidently. You nodded and rested your head on her shoulder to be closer, she gave your forehead a kiss and the interviewer smiled.

"Five months? That's quite a lot of time. I assume the L word has been said already?"

Your cheeks flushed and your eyes went to Reneé's again, she met your gaze with a loving smile," yes." She answered.

"Who said it first?" He asked.

"I did," You murmured, remembering the moment vividly.

Reneé had taken you out on a nice dinner date for your birthday, which happened just over a month into the relationship. You hadn't even realized you had said the words until Reneé was kissing you and saying them back.

Reneé nodded," she beat me to it. I was already planning on saying it that night since it was Y/N's birthday."

The interviewer laughed a little," that's cute. Going off of the lines of firsts, who kissed who?"

"That was all her," You pointed to Reneé with a grin and she rolled her eyes, giving your finger a playful swat.

"It was definitely me." Reneé confirmed.

"How'd that happen?" He asked.

"Well, I was just getting off stage from a show I had invited Y/N too. She ran up to me with like the biggest smile on her face, absolutely gushing about everything and I couldn't help it. She was just too cute," Reneé lifted your intertwined hands to her lips, giving your knuckles a kiss.

You couldn't help but giggle at that. Feeling much more relaxed than you had at the start of the day.

That was just like Reneé, though. She always knew how to calm your nerves no matter what it was you were doing. It's part of why you loved her so much. She just... understood you.

[mythserene]

Call him “Epstein” – How far is Mark Lewisohn willing to go to force a false narrative?

 “I don’t care what you think of Klein, call Klein something else. Call him ‘Epstein’ for now, and just consider the fact that three of us chose ‘Epstein.’”

John Lennon to Jann Wenner, Rolling Stone, May 14, 1970 

I keep asking “Why do you want me to believe John —(or George or Paul or or or)—said this?” And I keep asking because that is the question that keeps coming out of my mind, my mouth, and my keyboard.

It's the obvious question. (Spoiler: audio below of Lewisohn answering it for this quote.)

When you’re going to so much trouble to quote shop and quote twist, you have a purpose that you are torturing all these words to back up. You are trying to prove a point and there’s no real quote to support your position, so instead of changing your position, you act like Beatles’ words are appetizers in a buffet.

THREE OF US CHOSE EPSTEIN.

This premeditated and purposeful OBSCENITY has been sitting there for ten years. Two ladies with a podcast found it.

However, John remembered Paul’s attitude to Brian being very different. John was always emphatic that Paul didn’t want Brian as the Beatles’ manager and presented obstacles to destabilize him, to make his job difficult … like turning up late for meetings. “Three of us chose Epstein. Paul used to sulk and God knows what … [Paul] wasn’t that keen [on Brian]—he’s more conservative, the way he approaches things. He even says that: it’s nothing he denies.”(72)

I will never—NEVER— get over this one. There may be more shocking things to come, but it was this revelation that made me look at every one of Mark Lewisohn’s “author interviews” differently.

This is when I realized that there is nothing I would put past him.

Listening to that part of Episode 7 is so funny to me now. Daphne and Phoebe kept trying to stick to the outline and ask “Does this quote back up Lewisohn’s thesis?” but it was very difficult because they were in such total disbelief at Mark Lewisohn’s deception. (My label, although it’s a pretty inarguable one.) It is genuinely almost unbelievably dishonest. AKOM had a whole show filled with whoppers to get through, and they kept trying, but it took them awhile to move on because air-quotes-Epstein was like a magnet that kept pulling them back. So yesterday, to get out of editing some of my own mess, I put together a few of the times that the shock sucked them back in.

“I find that kind of shocking, really.” Tiny compilation of Phoebe and Daphne in disbelief over Mark Lewisohn’s purposeful misrepresentation of a quote of John Lennon talking about Allen Klein to attempt to show that John thought Paul was trying to thwart Brian Epstein. (Episode 7)

And most of us strongly suspect where Mark Lewisohn is going with this. He wants to rehabilitate Allen Klein because John can literally never be wrong—or perhaps an even stronger motive—he wants Paul to be very, very wrong. But whatever his motives, we can see what he’s doing. And we don’t have to just suspect, because he has already told us that he is going to use some of his most unforgivable lies to shape that narrative.

And there’s only one reason to do that: because there are no real quotes to back up the narrative he wants to push.

It tells us, in no uncertain terms, that the narrative he wants to push is quite literally unsupportable.

To make it work, Lewisohn has to lie about what John Lennon actually said.

*This post was first going to be about both the “quotes” that Mark Lewisohn references here, but in the end I couldn’t not give “call him ‘Epstein'” its own post. Which means I have actually shortened a post. (Please clap.)

Every ‘quote’ in the “spanner in the works” section is bullshit. Every. Single. One. I’m not going to the thesaurus for a fancier word. They are bullshit. Complete and utter, doctored, twisted, bullshit. The man is lying. And what really chaps my ass is that he is flat out telling us that he is going to use those same lies to push his bullshit narrative of the breakup. Like damn, that takes a lot of nerve.

Here is Mark Lewisohn telling us, straight out, that it’s these same bullshit quotes that he plans on using again to fool us. And he should be a laughingstock when he does. Not in some quarters. In all.

He must think we are such dupes. Although he’s gotten away with it so far, so up until now he hasn’t been wrong.

(There’s a bit more to this part of the Q & A and it’s all bad, but for this post I decided to leave it at Mark Lewisohn telling us that he is going to use the exact same sources he used for the “spanner” section to push this lie in the upcoming books.)

Fool me twice…

Would John and George have seen the parallel between Epstein and Klein in 1969?  LEWISOHN: ❝Yes. I’m sure the answer to that is yes, because John mentioned it in interviews, probably in Wenner’s, maybe the one with McCabe and Sconfeld— Schonfeld. Yes.❞ (📍Nothing is Real)

Transcript:

Q. In Hornsey Road you were talking about the three-to-one Allen Klein split, and I was saying to you that it seemed to me that it paralleled what is mentioned in Tune In about, uh, the appointment of Brian Epstein. That- that Paul was sort of holding back or was not keen to move forward with Brian Epstein. And I suppose my question was, is there a direct parallel there? And would, in 1969, John and George in particular have been conscious of that parallel?

LEWISOHN: Yes. I’m sure the answer to that is yes, because John mentioned it in interviews, probably in Wenner’s, maybe the one with McCabe and Sconfeld– Schonfeld. Yes. John recognized that.

Nothing is Real Podcast • October 16, 2019, Episode 15 • Mark Lewisohn, Part II

---

And just remember that this is only one half of a hellacious Frankenquote.

(But I kept it short. 🎊 )

----

Even though I have given you zero reason to go there, it's also on my blog.

[askaalaska-vdeppressed]

I Cannot Breath (So I Must Sing): Prologue

Alastor X Fem Opera Singer Reader

Series Masterlist

(Fair warning before we start, I'm used to writing for fandoms of like 12 to 30 people, so grace my darlings is all I ask)

The rapping on the door woke Alastor out of his daze. An involuntary huff leaving his lips before he beckoned the disrupter into his office. The whole of the radio station knew he was not to be disturbed if the door was closed. Meaning the fool on the other side was either from the outside or stupid.  

“What’s the word Al?”  

Both, Mickey was both stupid and not an employee. He was an unfortunate drinking buddy of his. Alastor would have preferred that he not see Mickey at all, but they were both regulars at the same club, and Alastor was loath to lose his favorite hunting ground.  

“I don't know my good man” The smile on Alastor's face was tight, his movements stiff from being sedentary too long as he stood up, gesturing for the carrot top to sit. ” You’re the one knocking on my office door.”  

 "I know you’re busy, what with the radio show and the radio drama and all that so I’ll keep this brief”  

‘So, God is merciful after all’ he thought . 

“But I think I gotta real good opportunity for you”  

That was another reason Mickey was still around, despite his annoying tendencies and lack of decorum he was a nice guy. Every time Alastor got half a mind to just kill Mickey and pull the nagging thorn of an acquaintance out of his side, he’d hear wind of the great deeds Mickey did for those around him. A tire change in the middle of the night here, escorting a lady home there, getting some poor downtrodden fellow a job. Mickey would give you the shirt off his back and the shoes off his feet. Given he remembered how to untie the laces.  

A true saint of a man, just a little simple.  

Alastor couldn’t fault him for that.  

“An opportunity?” Mickey was always looking out for those he deemed friends, another one of his kind yet annoying traits.  

“Yeah, you know I have that gig down at the theater? I do handyman work for em sometimes. Well for their new production they got this broad all the way from France over here to open it.” Mickey’s right hand gesticulated as he spoke, while he leaned his left arm against Alastor’s desk. 

“Oh I’m aware, the news has been all a flutter over here at the station. Supposedly she’s quite a big deal in Europe.” A flutter was a bit of an understatement, it was all he practically heard about. He was getting damn near sick of hearing about it. He could appreciate a love for the finer arts, but this was getting ridiculous.  

“Yeah so I was working there the other day and I got to fixing the door on her dressing room. It was leaning and ya couldn’t shut it all the way. See they can’t have any windows open back there so the humidity in the summertime does a number on door frame, not to mention the..” 

“Mickey.” The smooth tin in Alastor’s voice was not reflective of his feelings. This was getting rather tedious rather quickly.  

“Right , right , right so anyway we ended up talking while I was there, and she took a liking to me. So I asked her iffin she’d be up for doing an interview and she said sure! So I figured I’d come down and see if you or one of your colleagues would wanna talk to her on air? Since she’s such a big deal and all. Maybe get some new listeners ya know?”  

“Well well, I must say this is a very good opportunity. What have I done to earn such a gracious offer dear friend.” Oh this was too good. Not only had he been given a ratings hit on a golden platter, he would also get the opportunity to rub it in the faces of all those smug self-righteous bastards who’d been blabbering his ears off the past few weeks.  

Mickey had certainly earned himself a drink, next time they were out together. 

“Ahh it’s nothing! You’re my oldest drinking buddy it’s the least I could do for ya. So should I be expecting you or someone else?”  

“I’ll be taking this one on old friend, you went to so much trouble to get it for me after all” Alastor was not liked by most of his colleagues. While he was certain passing the opportunity on would have put him in their good graces, he didn’t much care if they liked him. Considering the shows he was in were the most popular by far, they'd be better off kissing his ass, not the other way around.  

“Eh like I said don't' t mention it, You free tomorrow? “ 

“As a bird” Alastor had a few things he needed to finish tomorrow, but they could either be done tonight or the day after. He’d make time for this. 

“Okay meet me at the theater at 2 “ 

“I’ll see you there”  

[slashingdisneypasta]

Okay I'm gonna rant about my mum now, cuz I need to. Don't read under the cut if you don't wanna be dumped on!

This woman-- oh my God. Can I just list some of the things that have hurt me or frustrated me?? Okay. Yeah. Let's do that.

Never comforting me (or my brother) when we were little and scared. We were scared of dogs, which was 'inconvenient' to her since it meant we couldn't go to parks. I would literally bite my nail and skin down until I bled when we did and she'd just get annoyed with me like I ruined the day. (Dad did the same thing but has since sincerely apologised. I'm very inclined to think that it was her influence entirely- she has never apologised and when i brought it up one time she laughed it off like i'm being silly)

Constantly makes me feel dependent. And that is the worst thing to be in her mind-- but she won't change her opinion of me that I am?? Like??? The most recent example of this is that I decided I wanted to go back to school (**I** decided)... and then she made the whole thing about her 'pushing' me to do it. Like it was so hard to get me on track. How the fuck did she get to that? This was my decision!! I brought it up first!!

Also on that 'dependent' thing- I am independent to a f a u l t now because of her. For example, I don't care if it's hailing outside with gail force winds, something in me feels disgusted with myself if I accept a ride home.

Oh, more on that dependent thing! I remember going to an evening job interview one time and it was dark when I got out. I thought I could get home on my own so I started walking... turns out it was the wrong direction and I ended up in a very bad area, at night, crying uncontrollably outside a 7-11. She still wouldn't come get me (she was at her boyfriends place) and sent me an uber. There was a random goddam lady getting petrol who was kinder to me, asking if I was okay and offering me a ride home.

A very similar thing happened when I was even younger, 14-16. I got myself stranded in a bushy area and had to walk my ass home- in 35 degree heat, without shoes (cuz mine were so worn out the soles killed), with no water, back to the motherfucking suburbs.

OH! Another thing about her. After she and my dad split up, you know what I noticed??? My brother, sister and I got along so much better when we were with our dad and so much *worse* with mum. You know why?? Cuz she nutures catty behaviour, which is probably why she can't get along with her sister's or her mum. She's always talking to us about eachother behind our backs (I know she talks to me and my sister about my brother, and I know she talks to me about my sister, so I assume she's doing the same with our brother), she gibes us ugly little Looks when one of the others does something she doesn't like and that we 'talked about', and she gives away secrets we told her in confidence??? Like recently my brother was really sad so I asked HIM (I asked *him*) what was up and he said it was nothing- so clearly he didn't wanna talk about it. That's fine. And mum piped up saying pointedly to me that he doesn't have to talk if he doesn't want to (True, mum, thanks. I know that)... before telling me his girlfriend broke up with him as soon as he left the room. She did the same thing the last time he had a break up. And then she's also telling me shit about my sister I k n o w she wouldn't want me to know. This is why I don't tell her anything anymore.

And, of course, the pitting us against eachother. Just today she and I had a little argument (argument on her side. I was actually trying my fucking hardest to keep my voice soft and figure out the problem), and my sister comes up to her to give her money for her belly button piercing today. Mum snaps at her, like 'Why do I have to carry that??'. My sister gets defensive, because she's a teenage girl and I mean??? Wouldn't you??? Then my mum 'apologised' by saying '*sigh* sorry, your sister was just snapping at me for no reason'.

And ohhhhh. The guilt tripping. Especially about not getting to move in with her 'love' (This dude, Mark, who works with her. Everyone including my dad and her mother, my grandma, are pretty damn sure she was cheating on my dad with him). She always tells me 'it's because of you that I can't live with him.'.

And the whole thing with Mark is wierd on general??! She got with this man while he was in the middle of a very terrible divorce with his ex wife, who was saying he abused her and their 2 kids. FIRST of fucking all, I understand innocent until proven guilty... but she seemed immediately sure that the e x w i f e was a liar and was manipulating their daughter (who, by the way, has some very deep issues) into saying he did stuff to her? I don't understand why the hell you would jump to that conclusion.

P l u s- she's always taking my sister (the youngest of us. It goes Me (22), then my Brother (20 in June), then Her (16)) on trips with Mark without even telling my Dad?? Surely Dad should have been notified and given Vito power in a situation like this!??

(Luckily I think Mark is actually indeed pretty harmless. But still, none of this is really okay even so)

Small thing, but she has never ever asked me about my writing. She doesn't give a fuck, though she knows it's my Biggest Thing.

Oh, another small thing that gets under my nails. Her thinking I'm so fucking Silly for liking things. And not the good kinda silly- like I'm so dumb and ridiculous for my interests. Like, I'm sorry?? I'm sorry you have no hobbies, you horrible little woman?? I don't need to be patronised cuz I find a little joy in something.

Ughhhhhh she always disapproved of my sister, brother or I ever thinking about us being 'american' at all. Which is??? So ridiculous?? We're not, but our Dad is, and maybe he wanted to share some of his culture, his home, with us??? He moved all the way to the other side of the globe to be with her and this is how she repays it??? We also don't really know our family on that side, we never got phone calls or anything. And I feel like my mum should have encouraged that. So should my Dad have, yes definitely (he's not perfect), but I have a feeling she never supported it. She doesn't even support us seeing her family.

Ohhhh my God. The cleaning. She goes into these hours long Outbursts where she has to clean e v e r y t h i n g in the house, and she's mad at us for letting it get untidy, and if she sees you you're in danger because she's gonna snap at you and make you feel terrible. I now go into the same state every now and then- though I just put my earplugs in and don't speak to anyone.

Ah. And the fat shaming. That's always fun 🙄😒 My sister is so skinny without trying, which is not her fault and good for her- but I have my grandma's hips and larger breasts (I know it's immature to go ha ha mum you're flat chested and I have tits but lool honestly it's cathartic), and that comes with a little belly and wider thighs. That doesn't mean I'm fat. I'm goddamn beautiful, shut up. And I'm tired of feeling terrible about how I look because of her.

... There's more, but I'm losing steam and just getting sad. So I think my job is done for now, thank you for listening.

[subliminalbo]

Dirty Work: As Deep as You Can Go

Fuck this is bad, oh god, shit, fuck.

Okay, I know what you're thinking. Hot girl walks into an interview with the head of the Department of Psychology and immediately gets hypnotized. Total Romero cliche, I know. Fuck. This sucks.

What am I even doing here? I'm not qualified for a public relations internship! I should have known this was a setup. I should have run the second I saw I was interviewing with Dr. Fielding instead of some cat mom lady in administration. Is this job even in public relations? I hate it here.

"Can you hear me, Andrea?"

"Yes, Dr. Fielding."

Oooh fuck this feels weird. Was that my voice? How did she make me say that? How is she doing this?

Alright, calm down. Let's piece it together. Fuck. It literally just happened. Why can't I remember?

Okay. The interview was going fine, I remember that. I nailed it, even. Huge win after the CVS debacle. The interview was going fine and then...then what? Dr. Fielding says,

"This feels like a good fit, Andrea. But I do have one more line of questions for you."

And I say...what did I say?

"Hit me, doc."

"For these questions, Andrea, I need you to go deeper."

Ohhhh fuuck! That was it, wasn't it? Some kind of trigger. It didn't take me immediately, but it did something. My shoulders straightened and I started listening. I turned off my smart ass charm and just let her inside my goddamn head.

How did she say it next?

"Just focus on me now, Andrea. Breathe. Breathe and listen."

And I repeated it like her fucking parrot. I couldn't stop focusing. I couldn't stop listening.

"Breathe and listen."

"I want you to think of the deepest place you've ever been to, Andrea. That place you go to when you need to shut out the rest of the world. I want you to think about that place, and then I want you to go even deeper."

"Deeper."

How did the trigger even work on me? Must have been something she planted. Must have been working me the entire interview. Could have been anything. That way she spoke, that way she tapped on her keyboard, that way she kept repeating my name.

It's all so suspect now. It couldn't have just been one thing. It was everything.

All about this. All about getting me here. Trapped down here as deep as my mind goes. Leaving me open, mindless, obedient

"Compliant, pliable, agreeable. Can you be all of that for me, Andrea?"

"Yes...

Dr. Fielding.

"Now I want you to come back to me, Andrea. I want you to climb out of that place so deep, deeper than you've ever gone, deeper than you knew even existed. But first I want you to find every part of you that still resists this, every part of you that doubts the power that I hold over you. I want to find that part of yourself, Andrea, and I want you to leave it down there, forever. So deep down there that you'll never find it again."

Doesn't feel so bad...down here forever...down here so deep where I never have to worry, or question, or think. Never have to think ever again. Never. Forever.

The world seemed to blink with Andrea's eyes. One moment she was answering Dr. Fielding's questions, and the next she was standing, shaking the professor's hand. She didn't know why she was smiling. She didn't know what had just happened. She asked the first, stupid question that came to her mind.

"So...I got the job?"

"Yes," Dr. Fielding smiled back. She stepped around the desk, placing her hand on Andrea's back, and she began to walk her toward the door. "Of course it's only part time. You'll work on a contingent basis. As needed."

"How often is that?" Andrea blinked again. She felt like she had a hangover.

"Oh, it's hard to say. Campus incidents seem to be more frequent these days, hence the need for your position. Of course Dean Pierce and I are relying on your discretion while you're employed with his office. Everything you do will be strictly confidential. I'm assuming you're comfortable with payment under the table."

"Sure," Andrea said slowly, still catching up to the conversation. She wanted the extra cash, but it was hard to imagine there wasn't some communications major who was more qualified for the job.

As Andrea stepped through the door into the hallway, Dr. Fielding snatched her by the wrist. Andrea yelped in surprise. Her skin was soft, but her touch was numbing like a snake bite. Why did she suddenly feel like putty in this woman's hands?

"Andrea," Dr. Fielding called out.

"Yes, Dr. Fielding," Andrea said without a thought.

"The money is only a perk. Never forget the real reason you're here."

There was no hesitation this time.

"I have no choice," Andrea's words came out slow, deliberate, a truth from the absolute bottom. As low as she could go. "I am a loyal student of Carpenter State University. I proudly serve Dean Pierce. I must protect the legacy of this great institution."

I must obey.

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

Snippets- Bad End

So i wrote an epilogue for Mind of a Mercenary, but the story's gone a different direction. But have this! It's set 50 years after the novel, when Luna's released from her indenture!

Gods, I was an old woman. My hair had gone silver, the springy curls mellowing to scraggly clumps. Lines marked me until I was more wrinkle and blemish than face. But I was free, and that was what mattered.

I had lied, straightfaced and most extravagantly, to the interviewers. I said I regretted my past actions, and my stint as a mercenary showed me the importance of the magical world being policed, and that I was going to dedicate the remainder of my life to following the lessons I had learnt from my indenturement. (That last bit was not a lie. I had a great deal of lessons I was going to follow; they just weren't the right ones.)

Honestly, the way they gobbled up my bald-faced falsehoods made me rather sad. I had a great deal of affection for the Mages' Union, and to see them be so pitifully easy to manipulate hurt my heart. Thankfully, I didn't have enough of a heart to tell them so. 

They released me with a clap on the back, a medal for defending Nyctomachia (as if I had a choice), and a generous pension. I had no use for any of it. After all, I was going right back to my old ways. The world needed more psychotic hive-mind cults, and I was more than willing to provide.

I breezed out the door (actually, more hobbled, for my legs had long since lost their ability to breeze), stopping only long enough to laugh at Chris and Merida for still being stuck in there. Then I was free. Well, mostly free. I had one final loose end to tie up. 

I shuffled into the hospital, leaning just a bit too much on my cane. The receptionist, bored and beautiful, looked up. “Visiting hours are over,” she told me. “Go home.”

I smiled and snuck a tendril of magic into her. _Obey,_ I commanded. _Let me through. I am an old lady visiting her deathly ill spouse. When people ask, say you had a crisis of conscience and had to let me see him._ “I need to see my husband,” I quavered in my best ‘helpless old lady' tones.

The woman nodded slowly. “Of course,” she said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “What's his name?”

I didn't bother responding, simply taking control of her body. Her fingers clacked on the keyboards, and I found my destination quickly. The geriatric ward, room 11D.

I crafted myself a quick disguise, so that anyone who passed would see a tall, redheaded beauty in doctor's scrubs. This time, I didn't allow technology to get the better of me. No, my time in the Mages' Union had taught me better. I took control of a security guard and made him destroy every CCTV in my vicinity, then erase the recordings. Sure, he would lose his job, but I had plans and they would not be interrupted by pesky technology.

I swung open the door to room 11D. A wrinkled, shrivelled old man lay in the bed, eyes closed. He had to be over a hundred by now, I thought. The years had worn on him, and even the finest chronomancy could not de-age someone. He opened his rheumy eyes as I approached. “Miss Delacroix,” he croaked.

“Pullman,” I said, smirking. “I do believe I made you a promise.”

There was no fear in him when I said that, though I knew he remembered the incident. “Yes. I take it you…” He took a deep breath, as though the interaction was taxing him. “You have not changed.”

“Nope,” I said cheerfully. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” I meant it, of course. A lifetime of doing good and catching baddies had done nothing to improve my intrinsic moral compass. I had simply bided my time, making note of every error my victims (I enjoyed thinking of them as victims) made that got them caught. I knew enough about the inner workings of Nyctomachia to write a book about it.

He saw it in my eyes and my smile, and sighed. “A leopard never sheds its spots. I had rooted for you, you know. It was I who said you ought to be indentured. The others wanted you dead. I thought… I thought you were a victim of bad circumstances, that the world had forced you into a life of crime. I see now that I was wrong.”

I smoothed back the hair on his head. “You were,” I assured him. “You were oh so very wrong. It's a shame I had to wait so long to have you in my grasp. But I'll make your last moments count. Any last words?”

He looked at me. It was a Look, fully deserving of its own capitalisation. He Looked into my eyes soulfully, and I saw, with my mind-gaze, the way he saw me. He pitied me, even in the face of certain agony. He had wanted to make a difference at any cost, and he knew he had gone too far sometimes, and he knew he had hurt innocents with his hard-handedness, but he knew that at least he had not been me.

And that stung, more than the insults or indignities or hatred I'd ever faced. It stung to look into his soul and know that in the end, he was more worthy than I. He would go to the grave broken, but he would hold that knowledge to his heart until the very end. And I would hold that knowledge until my end too. “I'm sorry,” he whispered hoarsely. “I'm sorry I couldn't save you.”

I felt my shrivelled, half-dead soul crumple in my hands. But I'd had a lifetime of pushing my conscience away, and I did so now. “The gods will condemn me for this, I know. They will cast me into the deepest, darkest hells to suffer for all eternity,” I told him, shaking my head. For a brief moment I thought of letting him go.

“But there is no-one to judge me, for the gods are dead. I made sure of that myself.”

[gracefireheart]

Just in a mood to recite some Ryan Parker moments I like for some reason back when I watched NP [which is only during NP 2.0].

I definitely won't sort them in order of when these moments happened, 'cause I have no clue when some of these moments happened in the hours upon hours of content.

While hunting after the man that killed George- a Lost MC biker- with Cat and Paddy, Cat got Ryan to think up a safe word in case Ryan somehow got found by this guy and were about to be in trouble, to which they decided the safe word would be ~princess~.

Another moment connected to the one above was how Ryan would be driving up and down the highway- 'cause the murderer was the Highway Man or something I don't quite remember- on his war Banshee. Some cops were undercover in a truck- trying to investigate this same murder- and were surprised when Ryan of all people are driving quickly up to them, making sure whoever drove the truck was okay as this Highway Man (I think) were also targetting truck drivers.

Another another moment connected to the two above was how- after finally the Lost got that Highway Man with the help of Dundee- Ryan wanted to torture the guy with a god damn lockpick. 'Cause listen, my man's usually a pacifist that rarely uses guns or weapons, but he will fuck you up if you fucked with those he considers family.

Ryan and OTT being trauma brothers friends after the Lost MC vs CKR war, considering they both got kidnapped and tortured by the opposite side in a war neither of them wanted to be a part of but had to be a part of. Also how- during the time the Lost needed mats [materials] for stuff and OTT had a fuckton of it- OTT would only sell his mats to Ryan (in the Lost).

Irwin Dundee helping Ryan get out of the Lost compound ('cause he was accidentally locked in and were starting to panic) after the Yellowjack meeting between the Lost MC and CKR- that happened riiight before that war started.

Rudi standing up for Ryan- during the job interview to become Matthew Payne's assistant- after months of either blaming Ryan for the war (between Lost MC and CKR) or just not wanting to be near him. It was just really nice and satisfying. That and how Ryan ended up knocking out his competitor after (I think) Matthew said the two should have a fight to see who gets the job.

While they were driving their motorcycles after the speeches in the funeral (to the Lost MC bikers that died during that war I keep mentioning), Reid asked Ryan if he wanted to say a speech too back there. Ryan answered how he did want to, but he didn't want to upset Rudi, so he opted against it. And then Reid just telling him how he should've done it anyways, even if it would've upset Rudi. Idk, just the husbandos being comforting to eachother is always so nice to watch.

Also, Ryan and Reid just driving together in the most ridicolous car the former has [station wagons, drift wagons, small but fast cars, etc.] to "train" new cops in driving pursuits, which will include fun bantering and singing to whatever 2000s pop song they got.

Ryan, Gazz and Lucy's "SHOW ME YOURS TINTS" line when the three decided to go and have some fun doing small crimes together to try not to worry too much about Reid being in the ICU.

Ryan just being drunk with his friends- Erin, Vivi and Luther- and singing pop songs after finding the dreaded E G G.

Ryan doing some racing while Rudi was sitting passenger, to which the latter would encourage the former to spin out the other racers or just make them crash (which Ryan ofc didn't do).

Ryan winning (or getting 2nd place, I can't quite remember) a race despite 1. All of his tires being popped by spikestrips, and 2. Some cop cars being behind him, trying to make his car stop (to no avail).

Watching most gangs just treat Ryan nicely 'cause they either like him as a person, like him as a business man/old lady of the Lost, or just don't want to piss off the businesses he's part of/the Lost and other gangs that like him.

Honestly, anytime Ryan's racing or trying to escape cops is fun as hell to watch.

Can't think of anything else atm, but I might add on more moments when I remember them 🚶

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

I know I should stop using fb watch so much, considering that so many of the videos are there to induce negative reactions and make you angry, and some vids are also incredibly irrelevant to me.... like real estate for example.

so sometimes, I get this snooty american real estate agent who sells to luxury buyers in god-knows-where america. like why the fuck is she in my feed when im a poor baby millennial.... who will NEVER afford a house in AUSTRALIA, let alone the in US????

anyway. the other day, I got a video from this lady in my feed. she was going on about 5 things to NEVER do in a job interview with me at my company. I was like. huh. okay. why not listen as a jobhunter. but whooooo boy, the first point she had was a red flag. she opens the video (honestly, for rage engagement, lbr) with "NEVER act like YOU NEED to interview the interviewer. HOW DARE you question me???? you bring NOTHING to the table if you act like that in MY business!!!! that's a disgusting amount of audacity that you think YOU ARE important enough to question ME, a successful real estate agent who sells luxury house listings in fadaheim florida (I made that up I don't remember where she is). come in and be as subservient as possible, and kiss my ass for the entire interview. do NOT ask me what I bring to the table. I bring it all and you work for me. end of and get out, if you think you NEED to question me. you are scum and need to work for the bare minimum, beg and scrape, before you even level a question at ME. remember I am a FAVOUR by even bothering to interview and consider hiring you. you are doing NOTHING for me."

like. sheesh woman. employers/bosses such as you are the reason that no one trusts employers anymore. why people hop jobs every few years. because who the fuck wants to work for someone who won't answer a simple question like "what's your work life balance like?" or "where do you see this business heading in the next 5 years???" or whatever else. you have no answers except "turning over millions of dollars of profits on million dollar houses and pushing out whoever DARES to question me, the all-knowing god of luxury real estate in florida". is pure audacity, and although I hate using the word, narcissism.

my point is, if you apply for a place like this, run. run for the high hills. you will be so burnt out by the end of it and probably traumatised, that it's the best not sacrificing your mental and physical health. although i know the job market is impossible right now (considering that I applied for a local call centre with the same attitude just 2 weeks ago, but they fucked me around so much woth the over the top anal background check that I didn't even start AT ALL last week (thank god once I got reports from people I know that's its a shit place to work)), that it's basically impossible NOT to take a job like that.

but this woman and people like her are showing their true colours right away. run, run, run. as fast as you can and call yourself the gingerbread man at a hopefully better (not possible really) workplace environment...... than what this woman and people like her will create and perpetuate in toxicity and unhealthy hustle culture bullshit. ALWAYS have the so-called "audacity" to question employers at the end of or throughout your interviews.

[alexiious]

● S1 E1 Rent Problem

*Justin writing he's diary* "Day 60 living with this...idiot, *looking at him watching TV from sofa* he's unbearable to live with, he's snored so much that we almost got evicted, he was screaming at he's new PC that he paid from he's daddy's money, bragging about how he's smarter them me from some TV show we watched..

G: Hey..what are you writing..on??

J: None of ur business dude, go...and watch ur little show...

*intro song starts playing*

G: Really?? Well I wanna see it dude..

J: Well...fuck off dude...it's my diary...get ur own..

*fighting over the diary, and let diary go*

J: Thank.. you...*whispers* brat..

G: What did u say??

J: Oh. .nothing good...it's just... this was the last straw...

G: What did I do?

J: What?..What did u do?? *laughs out of addusity to say*

J: Well dear "roomate" youv been nothing but pain in the ass!!...

J: Your lucky, your mommy and daddy *says mockingly* have enough money for us..

G: yeah...I forgot to tell u that my parents..did...block my bank account..

J: What??...

*knocks, opens up the door, it was landlord*

N: Hi my is, Nathan *shakes Jamess hand*.. pleaser to meet u *shakes Georges hand*... I'm new here, my previous colleague told me you two had money for rent.. and I heard that yall paid rent last month so.. it will be about 200$

J: Soo...about that...Mr Nathan...my friend had money...but...he...hes parents...blocked he's credit card...

*Nathan was suprised*

N: oh...really??... Aha.. *tries to cope*

J: were....terribly sorry sir...

J: it's he's fault...

*points at him*

G: *gasp* it's not my fault...my parents wants to give me...real job.. for poor people..

J: I'm sorry what did u say??

N: guys...if u both dont get job to pay this rent. .yall gonna be evicted...just like thouse two gay couple...who got evicted becouse..they didn't pay rent...understood?? *says it seriously*

J: yes sir..

G: Whatever dude...

N: great...good luck.. *says it with smile*

J: ok..George like it or not were gonna get a job...ik how you are "allergic" to poor people work.. but I don't care!! You will do it and you will like it!!

G: *grounts* fine!!

*James keeps writing* "Now..I have to work with this brat...God have mercy on my soul.. *closes the book*

*both od them goes to Walmart on a interview*

*stands infront of door*

J: so remember..I will do most of talking and u... *looking at him scraching hes ass*

just knod... *whispers* dear god..

*knocks on door*

Boss: come in..

*comes in*

Boss: Well hello there my name is Kenny *shakes both of they're hands* ...I'm ur menager or boss.. *says it with smile*

J: hello..my name is James.. were here to apply to job..

G: *cough* no shit *cough*

J: *kicks him slightly*

K: oh..are u ok George?

J: Oh no..its ok...it's just a cough..

K: oh..ok.. so I'm gonna ask u few questions to see what can u to do..

*he's finding the papers*

*George whispers* dude..this guy is so lame..

*James whispers back* dude...shut up..

K: here.. found it..here are your papers and you two can work..

*gives them papers*

*they done the papers*

K: all good now watch this video in case something happenes to you to..

*shows the man who worked on forklift and big metal pipes crushes on him*

*Some random man: "Hey new worker were glad your working here with us...just ignore people with dipers, grown unemployed adults who like to joke around.. and makes our life worse... and old women who are yelling at the workers for some random reason... but other then that ur good to go..

*video ended*

K: soo on that note..welcome to Walmart..

*both of them are on shock*

J: dear god...did u seen that guy...throw shit at worker?? *cringed in discust*

G: aha.. *got distracted*

G: *looks at other femail workers*

Also him: maybe this place isnt so much bad..

J: are u insane...did u seen shit that iv seen?? Jesus Christ... were gonna work here..for a rent and thats it..

G: like dude...we have pretty lady's

J: Dude...we came here to work...not date random women..

G: ew oh yeah...don't remind me..

*few hours later*

J: Dude did u throw the trash out..

G: uhh..no u do it...if u want..

J: Well.. I'm cleaning the damn shop...so can u please do it...

G: ew..that's ur job..I'm not touching that dirty thing... I have standards...

J: dude!! *calms down* I don't have time can u please... just throw the fucking trash bag inside fucking trash.

K: what's going on here!?

J: oh nothing George..

*George throws the trash*

K: you see...hes doing he's work.. and u?

J: I will sir..

J: Dude...u almost got me in trouble...

G: it's just trolling...

*James got pissed off*

*next day during the shift*

*George goes smoking outside*

J: are u gonna help me dude??

G: soon... *exhale the smoke*

*20 minutes later*

G: *still smokes*

J: Dude get inside and help me...

G: *sighs* fine!!

J: there is one old lady whos just in middle of a store screaming in the sky..I assume god...about how prices are high or some shit...

G: ahhh...ur talking to much...ur point??

*James slightly pissed off* well Kenny told me that u and i have to remove her...

G: ahh.. fine...

Some old lady: *still sits*

J: lady could u please get up??

Old lady: Excuse me...my name is Karen and im protesting about your high fucking prices

J: *sigh* Dude where are u??

*George left*

*looks like hes fed up with life*

*removes her while she's screaming*

*goes to boss*

J: boss...I have to say something...to complain about my colleague...

K: But why...hes done everything he's been told...hes thrown a trash..hes removed the goods from shelfs... and u did bearly...did anything...

J: me?? But I... *gets speechless*

*James got fed up and goes to the bar*

*goes to the bar*

J: *gets a drink* aahh...what a day..

S: Hey dude... how was ur day??

J: dont ask... and hey thanks for the money yesterday... it would be plenty enough for rent and couple of drinks...just don't tell...you know who.

S: No worries dude...

J: and I'll get u money when my paycheck arrives that is if it arrives...

S: No problem... and why wouldn't it...

*just before Steven would've finished the sentence George arrives*

G: Hey there u are..

J: you!! Becouse of u i almost lost a job...

G: cmon...I was trolling...it's a joke...

J: fuck u!!

G: aha... give me a drink also..

Also George: you know whats the issue dude.. your taking everything to seriously..

G: oh...I'm soory i forgot u get money from ur mommy and daddy *gets a drink* im almost lost my job...because of u and ur complaining about me taking things seriously..

G: ahh...that's what i was talking about...to serious... *gets a drink*

J: Well im sorry...Mr Fun guy . *laughs* i said Fun Guy!! *hes drunk*

G: *laughs also* u...did it dude...u made a joke... *he's also drunk*

J: Hey dont change the subject...Mr Fun *hick up* guy.. but life isnt always fun...

G: Haha...oh god..

J: what??.

G: I...think im gonna puke..

J: here is Steffanny...

G: ahh..where??

J: Just kidding.. haha

G: u jerk... *pukes*

S: Oh god...not here.. on floor..

G: oh im sorry Steven..where would i else puke...

*next day they're woken up on Georges bed*

G: ahh...my head... uhh..

G: let me ask u something...

J: What?? Aahh... my head..

G: where did we get the money for that bar??

J: ohh...well i might have some laying around..

G: *shocked* and u were...wow!!

J: look...the thing is...Steven...gave me yesterday... becouse i was afraid i would be fired...and i didnt wanna tell u...bc u were gonna spend it on some dumb shit...ok.. sorry... aahh

*they were fighting until Nathan came in*

N: Hey guys...it's paying day..

*shows them money*

N: Thank you boys...nice working with u .

*outro song sounds playing*

[outofcontexturi]

Job findings/ job recap so far from June/Nov

June 2023 - was finishing drama school. very tired and wanting to be done with it. applying for jobs. no one would accept me. Had a job interview end of May for a Costa near me. Did everything right in the interview and the manager said he’d get back to me. Two weeks went by, nothing. 3 weeks went by nothing. I gave up waiting in the end.

July 2023 - finished drama school. no job. still has a bit of money left from student finance. still applying for jobs. no one would accept me. made some changes to my cv.

August 2023 - so now I’m really running out of money. I’m also slightly trying not to go crazy cause I was practically at home for the majority of my august either getting high and self helping thru press ups and eating healthier etc and meditating and doing more around the house. Talking to mum more. But I didn’t really go out and had not enough money to do a lot of things and I didn’t want to ask for anything from my parents or siblings. Still applying for jobs and I got a few more interviews this time but declined a few cause I didn’t think I’d actually enjoy the job even though the pay was very appeasing at the time. I also didn’t want to just hop on any job out of desperation cause I would’ve left very very soon if I didn’t like it. Plus a lot of the jobs I applied for didn’t really have perks to them. I remember applying for the British Museum. The lady interviewing me was 10 mins late so I didn’t bother in the end I left. I remember I applied for a job in Blackheath called Cooke; done well in my interview, showed interest, done my research, woman said she’d get back to me; I didn’t receive any email although I might have received a phone call but it wasn’t from the same number so for all I know I could’ve been anybody. So that fell thru. Tried to do Youth Actor mentoring. That fell thru. They said they wasn’t looking for me at the time. At every instance I could’ve given up and said why, why do you hate me God? instead I chose to focus on myself and bettering myself and changing my cv and just trying to keep a positive attitude. I applied to 4 different Gail’s bakery’s, 1 gave me an interview. I’d also applied to Farmer J either late August or early September.

September 2023 - I finally have a trial shift for both Farmer J and Gail’s bakery (Dulwich) and I’m mulling over which one to go to. My sister told me to go to both of them just in case I didn’t like one and preferred the other. I did my research on both places and saw what type of perks they offered their employees. Nothing really screamed at me from Gail’s. The only thing appealing was the pay at the time. I’d have to pay half price on food on shift and all that other shit. Farmer J on the other hand. They had a lot of perks that I couldn’t believe. Paid day off on birthday. £1 extra on weekends. £1 extra if your team hits sales target for the afternoon. Also, weekly pay. Pay was more than Gail’s and Costa. It made sense to go their. So I did. Two and a half weeks into September and I started working at Farmer J. I say all of that to say, it took me 4 months for find a job. FOUR FUCKING MONTHS. but I didn’t give up. I had a lot of no’s and a lot of people ignore me. It wasn’t personal. It just wasn’t for me.

Oct 2023 - I’m working 4 days a week. 3 days off. My next goal is to find a balance between work life and my dream life and how to balance those things out. Farmer J is the best stepping stone I chose. I eat healthy food every day. I drink water every day. I save a lot on food cause all I really eat is farmer J unless I’m going out to eat which isn’t alot cause I want to save these next couple of months. Also planning what my November is going to look like. saving money.

Nov - I’m a month into farmer J. It’s a cool place. It’s still a job. It’s a blessing but it’s still a job. Far easier than working in regent st so God did bless me there I can’t lie. Doing some of the stuff I set out for November. Some things still haven’t been done but it’s not the end of November yet and the kid has time. Finally making money again.

[subliminalbointext]

Dirty Work: As Deep as You Can Go

Fuck this is bad, oh god, shit, fuck.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. Hot girl walks into an interview with the head of the Department of Psychology and immediately gets hypnotized. Total Romero cliche, I know. Fuck. This sucks.

What am I even doing here? I’m not qualified for a public relations internship! I should have known this was a setup. I should have run the second I saw I was interviewing with Dr. Fielding instead of some cat mom lady in administration. Is this job even in public relations? I hate it here.

“Can you hear me, Andrea?”

“Yes, Dr. Fielding.”

Oooh fuck this feels weird. Was that my voice? How did she make me say that? How is she doing this?

Alright, calm down. Let’s piece it together. Fuck. It literally just happened. Why can’t I remember?

Okay. The interview was going fine, I remember that. I nailed it, even. Huge win after the CVS debacle. The interview was going fine and then…then what? Dr. Fielding says,

“This feels like a good fit, Andrea. But I do have one more line of questions for you.”

And I say…what did I say?

“Hit me, doc.”

“For these questions, Andrea, I need you to go deeper.”

Ohhhh fuuck! That was it, wasn’t it? Some kind of trigger. It didn’t take me immediately, but it did something. My shoulders straightened and I started listening. I turned off my smart ass charm and just let her inside my goddamn head.

How did she say it next?

“Just focus on me now, Andrea. Breathe. Breathe and listen.”

And I repeated it like her fucking parrot. I couldn’t stop focusing. I couldn’t stop listening.

“Breathe and listen.”

“I want you to think of the deepest place you’ve ever been to, Andrea. That place you go to when you need to shut out the rest of the world. I want you to think about that place, and then I want you to go even deeper.”

“Deeper.”

How did the trigger even work on me? Must have been something she planted. Must have been working me the entire interview. Could have been anything. That way she spoke, that way she tapped on her keyboard, that way she kept repeating my name.

It’s all so suspect now. It couldn’t have just been one thing. It was everything.

All about this. All about getting me here. Trapped down here as deep as my mind goes. Leaving me open, mindless, obedient

“Compliant, pliable, agreeable. Can you be all of that for me, Andrea?”

“Yes…

Dr. Fielding.

"Now I want you to come back to me, Andrea. I want you to climb out of that place so deep, deeper than you’ve ever gone, deeper than you knew even existed. But first I want you to find every part of you that still resists this, every part of you that doubts the power that I hold over you. I want to find that part of yourself, Andrea, and I want you to leave it down there, forever. So deep down there that you’ll never find it again.”

Doesn’t feel so bad…down here forever…down here so deep where I never have to worry, or question, or think. Never have to think ever again. Never. Forever.

The world seemed to blink with Andrea’s eyes. One moment she was answering Dr. Fielding’s questions, and the next she was standing, shaking the professor’s hand. She didn’t know why she was smiling. She didn’t know what had just happened. She asked the first, stupid question that came to her mind.

“So…I got the job?”

“Yes,” Dr. Fielding smiled back. She stepped around the desk, placing her hand on Andrea’s back, and she began to walk her toward the door. “Of course it’s only part time. You’ll work on a contingent basis. As needed.”

“How often is that?” Andrea blinked again. She felt like she had a hangover.

“Oh, it’s hard to say. Campus incidents seem to be more frequent these days, hence the need for your position. Of course Dean Pierce and I are relying on your discretion while you’re employed with his office. Everything you do will be strictly confidential. I’m assuming you’re comfortable with payment under the table.”

“Sure,” Andrea said slowly, still catching up to the conversation. She wanted the extra cash, but it was hard to imagine there wasn’t some communications major who was more qualified for the job.

As Andrea stepped through the door into the hallway, Dr. Fielding snatched her by the wrist. Andrea yelped in surprise. Her skin was soft, but her touch was numbing like a snake bite. Why did she suddenly feel like putty in this woman’s hands?

“Andrea,” Dr. Fielding called out.

“Yes, Dr. Fielding,” Andrea said without a thought.

“The money is only a perk. Never forget the real reason you’re here.”

There was no hesitation this time.

“I have no choice,” Andrea’s words came out slow, deliberate, a truth from the absolute bottom. As low as she could go. “I am a loyal student of Carpenter State University. I proudly serve Dean Pierce. I must protect the legacy of this great institution.”

I must obey.

[qssy]

New job

haitani brothers x female reader, ran haitani x female!reader, rindouhaitani x female!readers, mentioned of sex, slight yandere, possessive, uses of petnames

(sorry if there's many typo;; this have been in my drafts for so long, maybe I will edit it if I want to)

summary: you moved back to your home town, Roppongi. while you're struggling to find a permanent job, you meet again with your childhood friends, the haitani brothers.

you have been friends with them since diapers. you're the same age as rindou. you guys always play at the playground or at their house.

sadly, your father got a promotion at work and need to moved away from roponggi. the brothers really sad to hear the news.

several years later, you remembered your memories with the brothers and wondering what they're doing right now. are they okay? married to their beloved? having kids?

you sighed as you drink your coffee in the cafe. you're in your late 20s but still can't find a proper job. you work multiple job like works at the convenience store, a waitress and dvd store. yes, it's less paid but you need it to pay your rent and foods.

you don't want to depends on this jobs so you tried to find another job that can at least pay your needs right now. as you your drink and ready to leave, you felt your wrist being held.

you turned your head and met with two pair of violet colored eyes. you stunned as you saw a two gentlemen, one with a long mullet and the other have a nice slicked hair.

"urm.. can I help you both?" you voiced out after a long awkward pause. not to mention you three still in the cafe. everyone's staring.

"you're y/n l/n, right?" the taller asks you. you nodded as a yes. "so it's you! remember us?" you squinted your eyes. as it can give your memories a boost.

violet eyes.. "wait... ran and rin?!" you exclaimed. both of the smiled. "so you still remember us" rindou patted your back. this is a miracle.. you just remember abt them a few minutes ago now they are front of you.

the three of you settled down and chat untill night came. catching with your own lives and them. "so what are you two doing for a living?" you asked them. they glanced at each other before ran answering. "nothing much, working at a big company" , "it's must be a big one since you two wear a designer suits" you complimented.

"how abt you? are you finding a job?" rindou eyes traced off to you resumes envelope on the table. you quickly hide it. embarrassed that they knew you're not technically jobless.

"i.. you got me.. I'm not jobless, I works random jobs to pay the rent and foods but I still want to work that payed off, besides I'm graduated as a business students so at least i want to use the knowledge I get from there" you explained to them. they silently listen to your complaints.

you noticed ran and rindou glanced at each other before asking you. "actually... our company are hiring people. the pay is well off, how about you come and take the interview?" ran placed his hands on yours. you can't help but feel happy when you hear his words. without hesitation.

"r-really?? when is the interview?!" your eyes was sparkled. finally you don't have to works the retail job.

"calm down, sweetheart. it's this Thursday. don't be late, the boss didn't like late people" rindou smirked. "Thursday.. I need to prepare now. thanks for this, ran and rindou. you two really saved my life!" you bid goobyee to the brothers. "your welcome" ran replied. both of the brother smirked at you who exit from the cafe.

Thursday morning came, and you are now in front of the building company that the brothers recommended. you looked at the watch and thank god you're kinda early.

as you stepped into the building, walk straight to the front desk. "may I help you, miss?" the staff asked. "hi! My name is l/n y/n I'm here for the job interview-" without finishing your words, the lady immediately stand up.

"a-ah you must be miss l/n, right? please, follow me to your job interview!" you kinda wondered why the staff acted so strange but you pay no mind with it.

"this is where you will be interviewed. please knocked the door first before enter" you finally arrived at the floor where the ceo's office at. you're nervous so much.

"come in" the male voice can be heard after you knocked the door three times. you opened it then you entered.

"have been waiting for you, sweetheart" you surprised at owner of the voice. your vision shot through to the desk. "ran? rindou? why are you two here? at the ceo office??" you questions.

ran still sat on the leathered office chair. while rindou leaned over his body to the desk. "cant you guess? we are the boss" ran smiled.

"right.. hahaha its funny guys" you laughed but they don't. now you know they're serious. "so if you're serious.. what is my job then?"

"just because we once played together that's means you can get the job easy?" rindou get off from his previous spot and now he's standing in front of you. his hand grabbing your chin carefully didn't too harsh but still caught you off guard.

"why don't you sit down first, y/n. let us interview you first" ran . your head then to him after you broke your gaze towards rindou. "I.. I mean o-okay"

"so princess let's us get make it short and straight to the point" ran flipped out a paper from a file on his desk. he slidded it to you. you saw the title of the paper.

'job contract'. then you read further down.

'... job as haitani ran and haitani rindou's girlfriend..'

"wait. there's a typo here.. " you nervously said. "y/n, theres no wrong with this contract. I had checked it thoroughly" ran replied. "but here said... my job is becoming your girlfriend.. both of you" you added. "so?" rindou voiced out behind you.

"you don't know how much we missed you y/n.. how much we had waited for this moment.." rindou came and leaned his slender figures behind you. kissing your nape. you quickly looked back at him. blushing mess.

"what? are you feeling ticklish?" rindou smirked at you. "n-no! I.." ran grab your chin and turned your face to face with him. "so what's the answer, princess? it's easy. yes or no?" the older asked.

your mind went hazy as rindou continue to kiss your neck. this feelings it's new to you. you can't help but to whine as the younger sucked your neck, leaving a hickey. "no true answer. your mind, body and freedom are ours" ran lifted your hand and kissed it then continue to sucked your fingers.

then all you can hear in the office is the mixed of breath of yours and the brothers, with skin slapping can be heard. guess, your new life wasn't gonna be a bad things after all. you caught the interest of the famous haitani brothers, what are you gonna complain about that?

[sluttywonwoo]

pretend || j.ww x reader

Summary: reading thirst tweets with your co-star/boyfriend’s best friend makes things a little tense

Warnings: swearing, smut mentions (18+)

Word Count: 1.8k

a/n:  originally posted on my tom holland fic account ( @wazzupmrstark )

Masterlist

The sound of Mingyu cracking his knuckles next to you sent a shiver down your spine, making you cringe instinctively. You turned to glare at him and leaned away from the noise.

“I hate when you do that!” you groaned.

He smirked. “I know, that’s why I like doing it.”

You looked over at Wonwoo, who was sitting across the room with the crew, and pointed to Gyu. 

“Can you tell your best friend to stop being annoying?”

“Can you tell your girlfriend to stop being dramatic?” Mingyu retaliated.

“I’m not picking sides!” Wonwoo shouted back and held up his hands in surrender.

You let your jaw drop. “I’ll remember that, Jeon.”

“Baby, I-” Wonwoo started to defend himself, but fell silent when the producer got up from her chair and approached you and Mingyu who were sitting behind the camera. 

“Which one of you wants to take this?” she asked, holding up a large insulated jug full of paper strips. 

“I’ll take it,” Mingyu offered and set the cup in his lap. 

“What a gentleman,” you said, fighting the urge to roll your eyes. 

“You’re lucky you’re pretty,” he muttered, “because you’re so fucking annoying.”

“Thank you.”

“It wasn’t a compliment.”

The producer gave you both a sideways look. “Are you guys alright? Should we take a minute before starting?”

“No, we’re fine,” you assured her.

“We don’t actually hate each other,” Mingyu added, “this is just how... we are.”

She didn’t look any less concerned, but nodded anyway. “Okay, well remember what your director said about playing up your chemistry to promote the show. And when we call action just give a quick slate and start reading the tweets.”

She walked back over to her spot next to the cameraman and took a seat before looking over a checklist that had been handed to her and writing some notes on it.

“Nervous?” Mingyu whispered to you as you both waited for your cue.

“A little,” you admitted. “You?”

“I’m a bit on edge,” he concurred. “Mostly because your boyfriend is about to watch me read filthy comments about you on-camera.”

You glanced over at Wonwoo who gave you an encouraging smile and a thumbs-up. “He’ll be fine. How bad can they be?”

From a distance, the producer you had just spoken to called for everyone to be quiet on set and signaled the cameras to start rolling. You perked up and straightened your dress, waiting for Mingyu to take the lead. 

“Hi guys, I’m Kim Mingyu.”

“And I’m y/n y/l/n.”

“You might recognize us from our new Netflix series, Breaking Curfew, where we play opposite each other in what you might call a... complicated romantic relationship.”

“We’re enemies with benefits,” you summarized. “And today we’re here with Buzzfeed to read thirst tweets about each other.”

“Ladies first,” Mingyu said and held the cup out to you.

You closed your eyes and sifted through the strips of paper with one hand, selecting one at random. 

“Okay, this one’s about you. ‘Kim Mingyu has the prettiest eyes’.” You grinned as you watched your co-star’s cheeks turn pink. “He’s totally blushing right now! We haven’t even gotten to the good stuff!”

“Thank you very much to whoever tweeted that,” Mingyu said and cleared his throat. 

“I agree with this person,” you continued, “you do have really pretty eyes.”

“Aw, thank you, y/n.”

“You’re welcome.”

“My turn.” Mingyu closed his eyes and rummaged around the cup before picking one. “‘Someone tell y/n y/l/n that I’m single and I get a discount at Olive Garden if she ever wants to let me take her out on a date’.”

You chuckled. “I do like Olive Garden.”

“She’ll get back to you on that one, mate,” Mingyu said quickly and let the crumpled piece of paper fall to the floor. 

You took that as a sign to move on so you reached into the jug and pulled out another tweet.

“Oh, this one’s about me again. ‘Y/n y/l/n scissor me challenge’.” You clapped a hand over your mouth in shock and thrust the slip of paper towards Mingyu.

“You know what, props for being so bold. What do you think, y/n? Are you going to take them up on the offer?”

“I’ll think about it,” you managed to choke out, sending Mingyu into a laughing fit. You fanned yourself with your hand as you tried to recover and motioned for your co-star to read another one. “Your turn.”

“‘Kim Mingyu and y/n y/l/n are my dream celebrity threesome,’” he read. “What a compliment, don’t you think?”

“Oh, for sure,” you agreed and winked as you held your hand to your ear in a call me motion. 

“These are just getting more and more vulgar, aren’t they?” Mingyu asked. 

“I don’t know that anything can beat the scissoring one,” you pointed out as you fished another tweet from the bucket. “Another one about Mingyu, okay. ‘I wanna suck Kim Mingyu’s soul through his dick then spit it back in his face’.” You blinked at the piece of paper in front of you in shock, scanning back over it to make sure you had read it right the first time. “Jesus... christ.”

Mingyu smirked and nudged your shoulder with his. 

You ignored him and pointed a finger at the camera in disgust. “I cannot believe you made me read this with my own two eyes. I could have lived my entire life without seeing those words in a sentence together!”

“I think that’s the best compliment I’ve ever received,” Mingyu countered, running a thumb along his jawline cockily. 

“No, I have beef with whoever tweeted that now.”

“You’re just jealous that I like this tweet better than the threesome one.”

You sighed. “This interview was a bad idea. Your head is already so god damn big.”

Mingyu opened his mouth to retaliate, but paused like he had thought better of it and took a deep breath to compose himself. 

“Anyway, moving on.”

You watched as he sifted through the tweets and chose one from the bottom, reading it to himself and grinning slightly before reading it aloud. 

“‘Petition for y/n y/l/n to start an OnlyFans because I just know her tits are incredible. I can feel it in my bones’.”

You brought your hands up to your boobs self-consciously and laughed. “I don’t know about that, but thank you.”

“I’ve seen them,” Mingyu added nonchalantly, “and I can confirm that twitter user ‘geminisuns’ is correct.”

“Mingyu!” 

“What? Do you know how many sex scenes we had to shoot? We’ve seen each other naked plenty of times.”

You looked back over to the crew and made eye contact with the producer. “Do you see what I have to deal with?”

“Maybe we should take a quick break,” she suggested and motioned for the cameras to stop rolling. “Get a drink, freshen up and be back here in five.”

“Do you think they’re going to use that part?” Mingyu asked as he followed you over to the water cooler. 

“I don’t know, dude,” you sighed in annoyance, “but great fucking job. The whole world already thinks we’re boning.”

“I don’t know about the whole world.” You glared at him. “Wonwoo knows we’re not.”

Wonwoo. You had nearly forgotten that your boyfriend was there on set with you. You looked around for him, and saw him still sitting in his designated guest chair looking at his phone. You could only imagine what he must be thinking of all of this. You should probably say something to him. 

You told Mingyu that you’d be back and made your way across the room to Wonwoo. Even from a distance you could tell that he was upset. 

His knuckles were pale and his jaw was tight. He didn’t look up at you when you approached him. 

“Sorry this is taking longer than expected,” you said, brushing a stray curl out of his eyes. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he murmured in response, still not looking at you. 

You sighed and draped yourself across him, slinging your arms loosely across his shoulders as you leaned down to see what he was doing on his phone. He was scrolling aimlessly on Instagram, not even liking any of the posts. 

“If you’re bored you can leave,” you said curtly and stood back up. 

“I’m not bored.”

“You’re not even paying attention to the shoot.”

“Trust me, it’s impossible not to. I’ve been trying to tune it out for the past ten minutes with no luck.”

“Why would you not want to pay attention?” you demanded even though the answer was sitting right in front of you. “This is a big deal for me.”

Wonwoo swallowed and finally looked up at you. “I know, baby. It’s just- do you know how hard it is to listen to my best friend talk about doing all of these dirty things to you-”

“He’s my best friend too,” you pointed out in a quiet hiss. “The only reason we’re together is because of him.”

Sometimes you felt the need to remind Wonwoo that you had known Mingyu longer than you had known him. If Gyu hadn’t brought him to set all those times back when you were filming in the fall, you wouldn’t even know about each other’s existence. 

“I know that.”

“You’ve done interviews like this before,” you argued. 

“I know,” he repeated.

“Then why are you being like this?” He didn’t answer, so you kept going. “You know my bare ass has been on tv, right-”

“Don’t,” Wonwoo warned and grabbed your wrist.

You gasped and flexed your fingers gingerly in his grasp, challenging him. “Don’t what?” 

“Y/n,”

“Don’t... act like I want to fuck your best friend?”

He narrowed his eyes at you. “You’re enjoying this.” It wasn’t a question.

“Don’t pretend like I’d rather fulfill those tweets with him instead of you? Give the people what they want?”

You had to bite your tongue before you went any further and said something you might regret. Your words had already had the desired effect. You didn’t even have to look at Wonwoo’s lap to know that he was struggling not to get hard. 

You could see it in his eyes. The arousal that had turned the warm brown into black. The way he was looking at you told you everything you needed to know. You wondered if you would even make it back home before he’d break, if he would pull the car over on the side of the road and take you then and there. 

Your knees were weak at the mere thought of what you were in for later that night. Making Wonwoo jealous was admittedly one of your favorite pastimes, purely for selfish reasons. Possessive sex was arguably the best sex. The teasing, the hair-pulling, the choking, the face-fucking, all hit different when Wonwoo was reminding you who you belonged to. 

Wonwoo released your wrist from his grip and raised his eyebrows expectantly. “Are you finished?”

You shook your head and grinned. “Just getting started.”

lmk what you thought; i always appreciate feedback!!

wonwoo tags: @wonw00t

shoot me an ask to be added/removed from my taglist

[nsheetee]

One Foot in the Golden Life

Pairing: rich kid!renjun x caddie!reader Genre: rich kid AU, university au, romance, slight angst, mature content Length: 9.7k Summary: this is the story of a boy who is constantly pushed down by his father, a girl who just wants to not live paycheck to paycheck, and how they met on a golf course.  Warnings/Details: includes mentions of other NCT members, female reader, swearing, inaccurate depiction of golf, acts of sexual harassment towards the reader, mature content (unprotected sex, coming inside, oral [female receiving])

a/n: a big thank you to @insomni-writing​ for beta reading this ♡ also, if you are a minor, please beware that there is mature content in this fic!

You thought it would be the perfect opportunity to work at the most well-known country club in the state, but really the only thing your job brought you was perpetual cold to your hands and feet, and entangled your simple life with one of the youngest and richest bachelors at your university.

The only place on top of Mt. Carla is the Augusta Country Club, and it is a sight to see by the regular people who gaze up at it from the city below, like mortals looking up into the Gods’ chamber. The first time you went up the mountain for your job interview at the club, you got lost and were almost late. Thankfully, you didn’t crash your car on the winding roads, and got the job as well.

The Augusta Country Club is equipped with the largest and most expensive golf course in the region, but also has Michilin approved restaurants and the finest saunas and gym equipment any CEO could ask for. Those are usually the type of people that have club memberships: CEO’s, congress men and women, top-notch lawyers, and maybe the odd business owner that made it big enough to afford the price tag.

When you took up the job as a caddie, you had an idea of what you were getting yourself into. You’ve only been working for a month, but there are already a few regular golf players that prefer you as their caddie, which in your book is a success considering the type of high profile people that come to relax here.

However, today is different.

You can sense it when Kara and Mina, your coworkers who have been working here for a year longer than you, walk towards you and your friend, Lia, before your shift today. Mina has a small stack of info cards in her hands and they both hold smug smiles on their faces. The info cards have everything a caddie needs to know about who they’ll be working for that shift, and by the looks of it, today’s game will have a good match up.

“I’m going to be Mr. Huang’s son’s caddie. Don’t even fight me on this, you know I’ll win.” Kara states boldly as the two girls stop in front of you, snatching an info card out of Mina’s hand when she holds them up like she’s playing a card game, flashing the photos and names on the cards at you.

“I call dibs on Mr. Lee’s son.” Mina hums, not even bothering to keep up the act that they just want to be good caddies. “You two can have the old men.” She smiles tightly, shoving the other two info cards into Lia’s grasp and turning on her heel to walk away with Kara.

Considering you don’t even know what they’re talking about, you have no right to be mad at them. There is more confusion clouding your mind than anger at their rudeness. However, Lia does not share the same sentiment.

“I’ll shove these info cards up their-” Lia fumes, her volume rising as the sentence went on, and you quickly pulled her out of ear shot, around a corner by the bathrooms. “-stuck up two faced asses!”

“Lia…” You mutter, her wording making you shake your head at how unstable her temper is, “They’ve been working here for a lot longer than we have, just let them have those clients. Either way, what’s it to you?”

“What’s it to me? ___, they’re talking about Lee Jeno and Huang Renjun. I know I told you about them before.” Lia states like she expects you to have those two names tattooed on the front lobe of your brain already.

“I think I remember them…. They go to our University, right?” You try to regurgitate your friend’s rambles from months ago out of your head.

“Yeah, business department.” She sighs dreamily, as if the business department is the sexiest thing on campus. “This might be our only chance to shoot our shot.” You can’t help but grimace a bit.

“It can be your chance to shoot your shot. Leave me out of this.” You randomly grab an info card out of Lia’s hands, turning it around to see Mr. Huang Lijun’s photo staring back at you. You send Lia one last look, walking around her to go change in the dressing rooms.

“Aw, you’re no fun.” You hear her whine, her footsteps echo through the hallway as she comes up behind you. She almost knocks you into the wall from how forcefully she grabs onto your arm and swings it back and forth like you’re two little kids on your way to the playground.

“Maybe we can shoot our shot at the old men?” You and Lia stop walking, turning to face each other for a moment of silence. You blink at each other as if you’re both considering it, before erupting into laughter at the ridiculous thought and continue walking down the hallway.

You and Lia constantly joke around about finding rich sugar daddies at work to pay for your college tuition, but both of you know you’ll never actually commit to the idea fully. Neither of you will admit it, but you both know you don’t have the guts to do something like that.

By the time you, Lia, and your other coworkers change into uniform and gather your supplies for the Lee vs. Huang game, it’s already 10am. The air is crisp and cool, the signs of fall creep along your skin and taint the deep green trees in light oranges and yellows.

Despite the chill, you and your coworkers still wear skirts, long sleeve v-necks, and puffy vests; the only thing keeping your feet warm is a pair of short white socks and tennis shoes. You don’t mind the chill knowing that once the game starts you’ll be moving around enough to get warm. You stop thinking about your cold toes as soon as the door of the country club opens and the Lees and Huangs walk out.

The first time you lay eyes on Huang Renjun, you think your heart might stop.

You know it’s him because he walks close to his father as they make their way to where you’re standing by the golf carts. He has obviously dyed blonde color, his dark roots proof of that; it’s neatly gelled back in an effortless way with the light wind blowing a few of the locks gently as if an angel is personally moving them for him. His white jacket and black pants are slim and look like they cost more than all of your college textbooks this semester. He walks with his head high, his pretty, pink lips set in a straight line, and his almond eyes gentle.

Okay, so... maybe you understand the hype now.

“Good evening, ladies.” Mr. Lee announces, looking at you and your coworkers. You all politely introduce yourself and state who you’ll be caddying for.

Huang Lijun isn’t as tall as his son, but he looks to be more lively than Renjun, even at his age. He has a permanent smile on his lips and you can feel a friendly demeanor radiating from him when you approach.  

“Good Morning, sir. Let me take those off of your hands.” You politely grab the bag of clubs from him, feeling shy as his gaze doesn’t leave your face the entire time.

“You’re new here, right? I feel like I would remember you if I saw you before.” You’re surprised when he suddenly pinches your cheek, and he laughs at your shocked face. An unsettled feeling plants itself at the bottom of your stomach at the unwarranted touch.

“I’ve only been working here for a month, sir.”

“I think I’ll be coming around here more often, then.” He winks at you and turns to go sit in the front seat of the golf cart. You can’t help but let the feeling at the bottom of your stomach grow at how the older man looks at you. You definitely misjudged his “friendly” demeanor. Your eyes can’t help but glance at Renjun, who’s standing a few feet away from the whole interaction. He gives you a blank stare before turning and following his father.

In the past few weeks, you had gotten many lustful smiles and lewd gazes at your bare legs, but also many dollars in tips just in one morning by letting those smiles and gazes happen. The need to make ends meet justifies it all, and the cash you earn at the end of every shift only fuels this need.

The ride from the club’s main building to the first hole is short, so you quickly recompose yourself. You still have a job to do— a job you’re being paid lots of money for. You believe in your strong will to put up with whatever antics Mr. Huang pulls for the next few hours. Upon arrival at the first hole, you pull the bag of golf clubs out of the cart and follow in Mr. Huang’s quick footsteps, suddenly feeling sweaty from the exercise you’re getting by carrying these heavy clubs. When your group reaches the first hole, you set the bag down on the ground and press your hand over your face, but Mr. Huang’s voice startles you.

“Woah, there.” You jump and face him. “Those clubs cost more than my car, and unlike my car, they don’t deserve to be on the ground, darling.”

“Yes, sir. I apologize.” You smile shyly and pick up the clubs from the ground, your shoulders already straining to keep them up. ‘They weigh as much as a car,’ you huff.

This is going to be a long game.

“You kids can clean the carts today,” Mina suddenly throws a keychain at Lia’s face, she barely catches it before it hits her, “I have plans.”

“Me, too.” Kara quickly says, following after Mina as they both walk away. The game ended right at lunchtime (the Lees won) and now you and your coworkers are back at the club. It’s supposed to be everyone’s job to clean the golf carts after they’ve been used, but it looks like today it’ll just be you and Lia… Maybe.

“___, please. I’m going to be late to the cafe, my boss there is already mad at me.” Lia turns to you and begs with her hands clasped in front of her chest, eyes pleading and feet bouncing. You sigh; you’re hungry and your muscles are sore, and all you want to do is go home as quickly as you can. Still, you roll your eyes and take the golf cart keys from her, making her face crack open into a smile as she hugs you quickly.

“I’ll bring you coffee on Monday!” She screams at you as she practically runs away, leaving you with two golf carts to clean. You sluggishly begin, crawling into the cart the Huangs were sitting in when you find a small notebook laying on one of the seats. Picking it up to examine it, you find out it’s your university’s yearly planner, a book that everyone gets at the beginning of every academic year. Along the binder reads “Huang Renjun” and your eyes widen, immediately looking up to glance at the direction that Renjun walked off to a while ago.

Your legs move quickly through the corridors of the club, moving past changing rooms, saunas, and bathrooms, the planner tightly clutched in your hand. Your head is on a swivel and your lower lip is stuck between your teeth, until you hear a door open and slam shut behind you, making you turn your head to catch Renjun walking out of a changing room.

“Mr. Huang!” You call out.. Renjun freezes at the name, spinning on his heel to see you walking towards him.

“Sorry to disturb you, but you left your planner on the golf cart.” You hold it out for him, but he doesn’t take it.

“How do you know it’s a planner? Did you look through it?” You blink at him, stunned, and then glance down at the notebook. You’re surprised by the sudden questions and at the same time annoyed that Renjun accused you of snooping through his things so quickly. The image you had of him earlier, graceful, classy, and attractive, slips out of your mind as he stares down at you. However, this is the first time he’s directly talking to you, and you can’t help the spark that ignites in your belly from the roughness in his voice. It’s higher-pitched, but unpolished and jagged as he speaks with you.

“No. I go to the same University. I have the same one.” You explain. Renjun’s stare turns into shock.

“Really? Which department?”

“Fine Arts. I study Studio Art.” At first you think that you’re seeing things, but after blinking, you can guarantee that Renjun has jealousy painted on his face. It’s so sour that he looks away, trying to preoccupy his hands by fiddling with his bag. “So, are you going to take this, or…?”

“Yeah,” The bitterness drips from his tone, but you have a feeling it’s not directed at you, “Thank you for returning it.” He finally accepts it and turns to his bag, taking out his wallet. The cards inside look thick and heavy; memberships to places you’ll never step foot in and credit cards with limits you could never even imagine. Your pride tells you that you don’t need anything he could give you, so you silently turn around and walk away.

Renjun shuffles through some crisp 10’s and 20’s, but when he looks up to give you the tip, you’re already down the hallway and halfway out the door. You have golf carts to clean.

The next time you see Renjun is a week after the last game. The chilly weather remains, along with the useless uniform you have to wear, but this time around you’re not Mr. Huang’s caddie, you’re Renjun’s.

Kara walks next to you with Mr. Huang’s heavy golf clubs, her lips straight and head turned away from you to show her annoyance at how the caddie match up situation went this week. You’re sure to get an earful about this for at least the next few days, but you kind of like this revenge that fate dealt Kara. Either way, it’s not like there’s anything you can do about the match up. Renjun requested you to be his caddie this week, and you weren’t going to risk your bosses being angry with you by denying the request.

“Driver.” Renjun’s voice pulls you into the game. You pull out the correct golf club and put it into his awaiting hand, your fingertips brushing with his. “Aren’t you cold?” The words shock you, considering they’re the first words Renjun spoke to you today other than commands for golf clubs.

“I-I’m fine, Mr. Huang.” You respond promptly.

“Don’t call me that.” His tone is icy, and he quickly realizes how unnecessary it is to bite at you like that, “Just call me Renjun.” His father walks back from his shot, looking very smug. Renjun’s face is calm as he trades spots with his father and prepares for his first swing of the day, correcting his posture and loosening his limbs.

You remember the first time you saw him, how elegant and poised he looked. Your cold hands break into a sweat as your chest heats up from the quick beating of your heart. Renjun has only been icy and accusing towards you so far, yet you still feel warm while thinking about him. There has to be something wrong with you.

“Doesn’t my son look like he knows what he’s doing?” Mr. Huang asks from beside you, a small, unnerving smile on his lips.

“Yes, sir.” You reply back with your own, more innocent, smile.

“I taught him everything he knows about golf…. And women.” Mr. Huang leans into you, turning his chest to face you so that his breath is hitting your cheek. You can’t help but swallow to relieve your dry and cold throat, keeping your eyes forward as Renjun swings his club back and forth a bit in preparation.

“Yes, sir.” The only thought on your mind is to stop this man from stepping closer.

“Is that the only thing you can say?”

Renjun swings his arm back, breathing in as he keeps his eyes on the small white ball and his hopes in the green before him. Mr. Huang’s right hand is warm on your waist, but you would give anything to freeze right now.

A sharp crack ripples through the air as Renjun hits the golf ball and sends it flying into the golf course. His eyes are not where the ball lands, but instead on where his father touches you.

Renjun’s mom died when he was not even three days old.

He never got to meet her— to lay on her chest and hold her finger with his whole hand. He’ll never know what advice she would’ve given him when he got his first girlfriend, and he’ll never know how she would’ve reacted to him crashing his first car when he was 17. He only knows that his mom would’ve been there for him through all of that, unlike his father, who was not.

Renjun has had “mothers” through his life; three, to be exact. The first was when he was 5 years old, and she quickly asked for a divorce after Renjun’s dad went on a three month business trip and she didn’t hear from him the whole time. The second “mother” was a bit more mature than the first and with a lot more time on her hands. She wanted to shape 9 year old Renjun into a perfect student, which was something Renjun’s father appreciated, but still divorced her for “being too strong-headed.” Renjun only met his third mother twice when he was 13: once at the wedding and the second time at her funeral. He didn’t ask any questions, he wasn’t very interested in the first place.

These were the type of people Renjun spent his life around, but they really weren’t his mothers. The only similarity he had with those women was his father, and he treated them as poorly as he treated Renjun. That’s why when Renjun looks at you, cowering away from the very man who is his only link to family, he feels sick.

When is his dad going to stop being a fucking predator? How young does he want his next conquest to be? Will Renjun’s next mom be the same age as him? Something swirls in the pit of his stomach when he watches his father and it takes a moment for him to figure out what it is: jealousy. He’s not sure why he’s feeling jealous over someone he just met last week, but the feeling engulfs his whole chest and it burns him to his spot.

Renjun doesn’t even notice that he swung his golf club or that the golf ball went somewhere far into the green, probably an overshot. He only sees you, afraid of the man touching you but not stepping away. Why aren’t you stepping away?

“Nice job, Renjun.” His best friend, Jeno, claps a hand on his back as he steps up, hitting Renjun back into reality and forcing him to walk towards you. As Renjun approaches, his father slyly takes his hand away, and Renjun notices how you let out a relieved sigh. Giving you back his driver, Renjun strategically stands between you and his father, pretending to watch Jeno swing.

“Good job… Renjun.” You whisper, unsure about calling him by his first name so informally.

“Thank you.” Renjun sends a side glance to his father to see the displeased look on his face. “How was that, Dad?” Renjun hopes that maybe he can remind his father of why he’s here (to win against the Lees this week, not to feel up a girl 30 years younger than him) but in this moment, his father is acting like a 5 year old in the middle of a silent tantrum, not a 50 year old who runs the most successful construction company in the country.

“I’ve taught you better than that.” Renjun is sure they’re not talking about golf anymore, the authoritative tone in his father’s voice sends a lightning bolt of surprise and slight fear down Renjun’s back. He hates how he gets scared, he hates how his father can control him. The fury churns in the pit of his stomach as he accepts his father’s words with a bow of his head.

One day, Renjun swears he won’t submit anymore.

After the game ended with the Lees winning once again, you, Lia, and your other coworkers convene at the golf carts after the clients leave to change inside the club.

“You ladies know the drill.” Kara throws both sets of golf cart keys at you before walking off with Mina. You push Lia towards the entrance of the building before she even has a chance to turn around and open her mouth.

“You should get to the cafe before your boss throws another fit.” Lia turns back to face you, her jaw slightly slack and her eyes shining.

“You’re seriously the best. I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah, just give me a few extra shots in my coffee on Monday.” Lia laughs at that, grabbing your face between her two small, manicured hands and kissing you on each cheek before hopping off inside. You can’t help but be amused at her antics, turning to the golf carts in front of you to start cleaning.

“They make you clean the carts by yourself?” The voice startles you, not because you weren’t expecting it but because it’s Renjun’s. You turn your head over your shoulder, he’s standing just a few feet away still in his golfing gear from earlier.

“Uh, not usually, no. But my coworkers haven’t been happy with me lately.” You explain, fully turning to him and crossing your arms over your chest to tuck your cold hands into your sides.

“The ones who have been working here for a while?” You nod as an answer, and Renjun nods back in understanding, shoving his hands in his pants pockets. “They’ve been trying to get with me and my best friend for a while...” Renjun trails off when he sees your eyebrows raise at the comment, “... But that’s not what I came here to talk about.”

“Oh? What are you here for?” The conversation has gotten too informal for a worker and their client to be having, but you kind of like talking to Renjun in this casual setting.

“I realized that the past few times we’ve talked I’ve been such a dick.” He laughs lightly as he remembers, “I wanted to apologize for that. I wasn’t in a good mood last week and this morning, and I ended up pushing it on you.”

Renjun feels lots of emotions when it comes to you, despite only having this one proper conversation with you. He feels envy towards you for being able to study something that he desperately wants to. He feels guilt when he remembers how quickly he made you into a thief when you were only trying to return his belongings, and he feels so many other secondary and tertiary emotions in between. His head is full when he looks at you. He finally feels like he’s thinking about something, not just doing the same day to day motions in a constant cycle of ‘when will this end?’

“You’re apologizing?” You ask, stunned when he nods his head in confirmation. Sincere apologies are important to you. You believe there are not enough of them in this world anymore, and his gentle almond eyes are too wholehearted and warm for you in this cold weather. Your heart feels full looking at him, and you curse at yourself in your head for being swayed like this.

“I also have a question… You mentioned you’re majoring in Studio Art and I was wondering if, maybe, you could let me into one of the studios after a class this week? I’ve been needing a quiet place to work since my house has been busy lately.” One of the hands that was in Renjun’s pocket moves to matte down his sideburns while he glances at his shoes. “Was that too forward? Sorry, I just know that you can’t get into a studio without a passcode and you’re the only person I know who’s in Studio Art.” Renjun explains after you stare for a while, blinking at him.

“You’re an artist?” You finally ask, Renjun giving you a weak ‘yeah’ in response. A part of you wants to say no, that it’ll be weird to do something like this for him when you’ve only known him for less than 2 weeks and up until this point, you’ve only been in a worker-client relationship. However, you’re curious about what he’s like outside of this setting, especially what he’s like when his father has no possibility of appearing, since that seems to be the factor that turns his mood up or down.

“Sure. Come by studio 3 after 6pm on Wednesday and I’ll let you in, but... I heard Mr. Lee already scheduled a game for next weekend?” Renjun nods, “Then in return, you can win that game. It’s embarrassing always being on the losing team.” You smile playfully at the end to let him know you’re only joking.

“Deal.” Renjun sends a smile back of the same caliber, holding out a hand to shake with yours. If you thought you were affected by Renjun’s nice presence, his hand in yours sends you into another realm. His touch is warm from staying indoors and from keeping his hands in his pockets, and they contrast to your cold skin. He sucks in a breath through his teeth when your hands connect, turning your hand in his grip to look at your knuckles. “Are you sure you’re not cold? Your hands are freezing.”

“I’ll be okay. I just don’t have any good gloves to wear while working.” He huffs, small traces of white smoke leaves his mouth as he digs through his pockets.

“Wear these.” He replaces his hand in yours with a pair of his own gloves, “Your hands are precious, they shouldn’t be freezing.” Before Renjun can get embarrassed by his own words, he shoves his hands back into his pockets and turns on his heel, walking away, “I’ll see you on Wednesday!”

A knock on the studio doors shakes you away from staring at your painting, making you turn to look at who it is. Renjun peaks through the small window and waves when you make eye contact. You get up to open the door, almost forgetting that today is the day you agreed to let Renjun into your studio.

… Okay, that’s a lie. You definitely remembered that you’re supposed to meet Renjun, but you keep trying to convince yourself that you’re not excited about seeing him outside of that stuffy country club.

“Hey, sorry if I startled you.” Is the first thing he says when you open the door. He’s dressed in slacks, a dress shirt with a sweater over it, and a long coat over that. His nose and cheeks are slightly red from the rough wind outside and his supplies are clutched to his chest.

“Oh, you’re fine. I was just deep in thought.” Something about the studio makes both of you speak in hushed tones. No one else is here, but you feel the need to maintain the peace and quiet the room naturally holds. You and Renjun make your way to where you’re set up, he puts his things down on an easel to your left and takes off his coat, watching you from his peripheral vision.

Those uniforms they make you wear at work are just for show, Renjun knows that well, but that doesn’t stop him from appreciating you in the tight vest and little skirt. However right now, he likes your laid back look consisting of loose jeans and a layered shirt, he thinks it matches you.

“I was going to leave when you got here, but I think I’ll just finish this and head out.” You comment, aimlessly waving at your project.

“Please, stay as long as you need to. This is your studio, I don’t want to kick you out.” He laughs and licks his bottom lip. It’s breathtaking how innocent and nice his smile looks on his face. His eyes scrunch together to form laugh lines and his cheeks rise, he truly looks pretty when he smiles. You think this is the first time you’ve seen him like this.

You mumble back with a mixture of words that probably didn’t make sense and turn back to your work, leaving the room to continue with its peacefulness and quiet. However, Renjun’s presence next to you is too big to ignore. There are so many things you want to know about him and you have no excuse as to why you’re so curious.

“How about a game while we work?” You suggest.

“Sure… How about 20 questions?” It’s like he read your mind, so you smile and nod at his idea.

“You can go first.” You suggest.

“Okay, uh… Why do you work at a golf course if you’re majoring in Studio Art? Shouldn’t you be working at a, I don’t know, museum?” The question catches you off guard and Renjun notices how you stop painting, your brush and your hand floating in the air as you think, “Oh, sorry, is that too personal?”

“No, no… It’s just, normally, the first question people ask in a game of 20 questions is something like ‘what’s your favorite color’ or ‘what’s your sign’.” Renjun lets out a choked and embarrassed laugh, ducking his head down to look away from you. You can tell he’s about to change his question, so you quickly go back to painting and speak before he can.

“I did apply to work at several museums. I didn’t get any jobs, so I had to look elsewhere and Augusta was hiring. I know it’s not very fitting, but it makes good money and rich people know my name, even if it’s for just a few hours.” Renjun nods at your answer as if he could ever understand the idea of being poor, but the insight into your decision brings a fact to light that Renjun wasn’t 100% aware of before: you’re not like him, you need money.

“Don’t you hate the way people look at you there?” The words tumble out of Renjun’s lips faster than he can process the weight they carry. He turns to face you with guilt pooling in his eyes and his mouth opening and closing to find some words to correct the situation.

“No, I don’t like it.” You surprise him with your quick response, “But people like you don’t understand what it’s like to live paycheck to paycheck, to have to worry about how to pay the bills every month for years on end, always on your toes about money. I bet you think I’m cheap and—”

“No.” Renjun cuts you off promptly before you can continue, “Don’t make me into a jerk. I’m not like that. But the fact that that is the first thing you thought of worries me.” Your eyes widen at that, prompting him to elaborate. “Doesn’t that mean that’s how you think of yourself? Maybe not on the outside, but subconsciously. Sure, I won’t ever be able to understand how you live, but I wish you would not look at yourself as cheap and think of yourself as… beautiful.” Renjun lets the last words linger on his tongue, saying it quietly as if to not startle you.

You stare at him, your paintbrush resting in your hand and your back slouched as you watch him watch you. This is not the type of conversation you thought you’d be having with Renjun tonight, but you have to admit he makes a point. Eventually, you turn to your painting and stare at it some more, making Renjun turn and continue his own work.

“Ah, I asked two questions in a row.” He suddenly breaks the tense atmosphere, making you sigh as you remember you’re just playing a game, “You can ask two questions.”

He allows and relaxes when he sees you go back to painting.

“If you like to draw, why are you a business major?” Now it’s Renjun’s turn to freeze. Maybe if he did ask what your favorite color was he wouldn’t have had to endure this question from you, but he feels like he should answer it since it’s of equal weight to the one he asked you.

“It wasn’t my choice. I will most likely take my father’s place in his company and I need to at least know the basics before that happens.” You nod slowly. He looks so calm when he’s focused on drawing, but it’s not the same calm that you see on his face when he’s playing golf. You turn away before you get caught staring.

“Is that why your mood always changes when your dad is around?”

“Is it that obvious…” He trails off and you nod, “I can’t believe I’m about to say this out loud, but… It’s like everytime I’m around him, or at his office, or at home, my mind goes blank. I don’t feel like talking or thinking at all.” As he speaks, he sets down his utensils and turns to you, making continuous eye contact as he explains. You find yourself feeling comfortable at how easily he’s talking to you about such a deep subject.

“It sounds like… you’re angry.” You turned to face him now too, your paintbrush settled onto your canvas and your full attention on him, “My dad is like that. He gets so angry sometimes that he’s calm. No yelling or fighting, just silence. That’s how I know I messed up when he gets like that.” You nod, remembering all the times he’s been calmly mad at you.

“I don’t know… It’s confusing to me.” He straightens his back and stares at your foot as it moves around aimlessly. “What do I do?” He asks into the air, as if his pencil would suddenly start talking to him like a therapist.

“Just do what makes you happy.” Renjun’s glance over at you makes a smile pull at your lips, “I know it’s easier said than done. But you already know what it is that’ll make you happy, and that’s half of the battle. Why bottle it up?”

Renjun doesn’t know how he’ll ever get the courage to tell his father these things, but the way you’re looking at him as if he can do anything, he starts to feel tingles of confidence trickle into him.

“Oh, and why did you pick me to be your caddie this past weekend?”

“Well…” Renjun plays with his pencil. What is he supposed to say? He doesn’t want you to carry around his father’s heavy golf clubs? He doesn’t like the way his father touches you and gets jealous over it for some unknown reason? Yeah, he’s not going to say.

“Just because… I wanted you next to me.” The way he says it makes it sound so simple and true, but your heart drops to your stomach and springs back up going at 100 miles per hour. You can barely stop your hand from shaking as you pick up your brush, and it’s almost like you can’t see in front of you from the thrill of his words.

“Hey,” Renjun suddenly drops his pencil and turns to you, looking a bit confused and slightly upset, “Didn’t you ask three questions?”

“We’re letting the Lees win again today.” Renjun is in the middle of pulling up the zipper of his jacket when his father drops the news. Renjun’s footsteps stutter slightly at his father’s words and he stops walking next to the older man.

“Again?” He asks as he already thinks up an apology to tell you later when he loses.

“Yes, I need Mr. Lee to be happy when I bring up the new contract to him later in the sauna.” Renjun sighs and continues to walk next to his father. It’s the next weekend, and the third Lee vs. Huang game is starting in just a few minutes.

Renjun won’t lie, purposefully losing to his best friend and his dad every week is not the greatest stroke to Renjun’s ego, especially since Jeno won’t let it down around his other friends.

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Lijun swivels on his heel to look at his son, “Have you been requesting for ___ to be your caddie?”

The questions stuns Renjun, making it hard to answer so his father takes it as a yes.

“Well stop it. Dad wants to have some fun.” He claps a hand on Renjun’s back and  smiles. In the past, Renjun would’ve just rolled his eyes and let his father do whatever he wants, but this time his blood boils. He feels true anger when his father struts away with the intentions of doing whatever he wants to someone Renjun cares about. He can barely move his feet after the old man, his mind cloudy as everyone makes it to the golf carts.

“Let’s have a good game today, Mr. Huang, don’t make it too easy to beat you.” Mr. Lee jokes around and the two old men laugh as they settle into their own golf carts. Renjun walks up to his cart and you wave to him, the white gloves he gave you last week snugly on your hands. Renjun thinks his anger is what spurs him into doing what he does next.

He steps close to you, leaning into your ear and wrapping his hand around your covered ones with his thumb rubbing on your exposed wrist, “Keep these on for me, babe. I don’t want you to be cold.”

The amount of jaws that drops after Renjun’s words makes him bite down his smirk and slide into the front seat of the golf cart, pretending to not see the daggers his father is  throwing at him with his eyes.

Your heart beats so quickly and loudly you’re sure Kara can hear it next to you if she wasn’t busy huffing about what Renjun just did. Sitting in the back seat of the golf cart, you watch the back of Renjun’s head on the way to the first hole. What got into Renjun? Why did he all of a sudden call you ‘babe’ and get so close? Not that you’re opposed to it, you’re just shocked.

The game begins once you reach the first hole, and the Huang’s put up a good fight throughout the entire game, keeping the Lees on their toes and the score sheet even. Everytime Renjun comes back from a shot, you smile at him and tell him good job, which earns you a pat on the back from him that warms you up from the inside out.

Renjun can tell his father is getting more and more annoyed with him; how Renjun is keeping you as far from his father as he possibly can, the gentle touches on your waist that you welcome wholeheartedly compared to the ones Mr. Huang would lay on you before. He likes how angry his father gets, especially knowing that he can’t do anything about it right now. Not to mention, you seem to be enjoying Renjun’s attention, which just adds to his confidence.

Now, your group arrives at the last hole of the game. The Lees step up and swing, setting their total score to 357. All Renjun and his father have to do is move the ball around a bit more to get their score to be higher and the Lees will win the game. Mr. Huang is up first, acting clumsy so that the ball doesn’t make it into the hole and brings the game to Renjun.

As he sets up his posture, his hands suddenly go stiff. This shot is so easy to make, he has made this exact hole several times. He breathes in and out deeply, deciding on if he should throw the game like his father said he should, or give his one last ‘fuck you’ to his Dad.

He glances at you and makes eye contact; you nod your head and smile a bit as if to say ‘go ahead, we all know you can do this.’ Renjun then grips his golf club and swings it back to effortlessly hit the golf ball, rolling it along the green and perfectly into the hole.

You and the other caddies clap for the perfectly executed shot and Jeno and his father come up to Renjun to shake hands. They don’t look upset, instead they look pretty happy for Renjun. However, Renjun’s father is deathly silent, not even congratulating Renjun on his win. Renjun wasn’t expecting a whole ceremony for him, but it does feel nice to put his father down a peg or two today, and that’s the thought that fills Renjun’s head as everyone rides back to the country club.

While getting out of the golf cart, Renjun attempts to turn back to you but is promptly pulled away by the back of his jacket by his father. Renjun yelps and pulls away, but that doesn’t stop Lijun from grabbing onto his son’s arm instead and pulling him inside.

“What was that? I specifically told you to lose the game and you did the exact opposite. How am I supposed to talk to Mr. Lee now?” Renjun’s father fumes, his low voice belting out into the corridor and making some of the passing staff turn their heads.

“That’s not my problem.” Renjun shrugs and his father stops shaking, stepping closer to his son.

“Excuse me?” He asks with menace dripping from his tongue.

“I said, that’s not my problem.” Renjun is fired up. He doesn’t see a way out of this now, no way his behavior is being excused, so might as well go all in.

“You did it for that caddie, ___, right?” His father squints his eyes and turns his head slightly. When Renjun doesn’t answer, Lijun laughs in his face, “It looks like I’m right.”

“What?” Renjun asks dumbly.

“It’s okay. You’re just a boy and you can make some mistakes over a girl, we’ve all been there once or twice.” Lijun fixes Renjun’s jacket and pats his shoulder, his angry disposition turning passive. “Besides, you can’t do much for that girl anyway. Is a ball in a hole really all she deserves?”

“I won the game because I could. I won it because that’s what I wanted.” Renjun states, his blood beginning to boil once again when his father says he doesn’t deserve you. What is he thinking? Does he actually think he has a chance with you? He can keep dreaming.

“We can’t always do whatever we want. There are consequences we have to face for doing whatever we want. Are you ready to face the consequences?” At the question, Renjun is reminded about the words you told him Wednesday night.

‘Just do what makes you happy,’ Those simple words are so hard to turn into reality. Renjun wants to be happy so bad. He wants to be away from this man and he wants to be closer to you. The consequences? Sure, he’ll deal with it all if it means he can stop living in the personal hell his father set up for him. Renjun pushes his father away a bit and steps out of the trap his father pushed him into, making Lijun’s eyes widen.

“Yeah, I’m ready.” Renjun says and turns around, walking back towards the exit of the building.

“Hey, where are you going?” His father shouts after him.

“To do the thing that I want to do the most.” He yells back and walks around the corner, out of sight from his father. Renjun practically runs through the hallways to get back outside and run to you, but you surprise him by greeting him by the saunas. He stops in his steps and you smile as you walk up to him.

“Hey, I just wanted to tell you that you did really well today. I know I said I wanted you to win last week, but I didn’t think you’d actually do it.” You laugh.

“Thanks.” Renjun simply says, afraid of what else could come out if he keeps talking.

“Oh, I also want to give you these back.” You dig out Renjun’s gloves from your pocket, holding them out. This is it. This is the moment Renjun will start to do whatever makes him happy, whatever he wants.

And what he wants right now is you.

He quickly takes the gloves and then tightly grips the wrist of your outstretched hand, leading you down the hallway and around some corner. He hears you exclaim a small ‘woah’ but you let him guide you into a sauna, the door closing tightly behind both of you.

There’s no one else in the room, just the stuffy steam that floats in the small space between you two. Renjun has a tight grip on the gloves you gave back to him and his other hand runs through his hair and messes up the perfect form it held.

“Tell me to stop.” He demands, looking straight into your eyes.

“What?”

“Tell me to stop right now.” He takes a step forward, his eyes full to the brim with lust and his hands shaking with how much he’s holding himself together. You’ve barely been in the room for a minute, but your clothes are already sticking to you from the intense heat.

“I don’t understand,” You reply back as he keeps moving toward you. You take small steps back in return, “I don’t know what I’m stopping you from.” Half of you is playing dumb right now; you know what Renjun wants from you just by the look in his eyes. The other half just wants to hear him say it himself

“I’ll fuck you the way you deserve. Right here, right now.” Renjun’s voice is too angelic to say such nasty words, but he growls them out like he’s a tainted angel. You’re pressed against the wooden wall of the sauna now, Renjun just a step away. You lean into him slightly and rip the gloves out of his hand to throw them to the side.

“Do it.”

It’s all the permission Renjun needs to feverishly connect his lips to yours.

The action is so sudden, you don’t remember how Renjun got close to you so quickly. Despite his forcefulness before, his lips melt into you like chocolate melting over a fire, so hot and delicious that you just want more. His hands hold the sides of your face, pushing back your hair and his body pushing you back into the wall.

He sucks on your bottom lip, softly biting afterwards and making you let out a whimper, and then a moan when his thigh pushes between your legs and further presses you against the wall. Amidst the kissing, you find the zipper of his expensive jacket, unzip it, and pull the piece of clothing off. Afterwards, you pull his shirt off and break the kiss while you’re at it.

“I’ve been thinking about you in this skirt since….” Renjun hums at the thought, his hand sliding up your bare thighs and under your skirt, then he grips your ass and brings your core down onto his thigh, the friction enough to have you letting out a strangled moan.

“Since the day I first saw you.” He finally whispers and connects your lips once again. His hand on your ass doesn’t move, his other hand is placed on your waist as he helps you ride the rough material of his pants. Renjun can only watch your reactions; the way your head lolls back into the wall and your eyes screw shut, holding onto Renjun’s shoulders tight enough he’s sure there will be marks afterwards.

“Fuck— Renjun, don’t stop, please.” He’s mesmerized, absolutely addicted to how you look and sound right now, and it’s all because of him. The thought spurs him along, he removes your jacket and you blindly help him in removing your top and bra. You must look like a mess right now, especially since you’re coming close to your climax just by Renjun’s touch and his thigh. Not to mention the sweat dripping down both of you, a glistening sheen coating your skin that makes Renjun let out a low growl before he leans down and takes one of your nipples in his mouth.

He sucks and swirls his tongue, and you can’t help but moan his name again, digging your fingers into his blonde hair and tugging. Renjun moves from your chest downward, not letting an inch of your stomach and hips go past him without a kiss and a nibble, leaving you breathing heavily. He makes his way down to his knees and folds your skirt up, glancing at  you from his position.

“You don’t wear anything under here except your panties?” You nod, your head stuttering as Renjun applies pressure with his thumb over your slick hole, a wet spot already there to greet him.

“You’re so fucking dirty, baby.” He groans and leans in to swipe his tongue over your center making you shake as a response. He slides your underwear down and throws it somewhere to the side, catching the sigh of your arousal dripping down your thigh. His intense stare makes you shake him, embarrassment crawling over you at how he’s not reacting.

“Are you shy?” You whine, not really answering his question. “You don’t need to be. You’re beautiful.” The softness from his voice contradicts his more dominating tone from before, but you don’t have time to think about it before he dives in. You sigh in content when the pressure in between your hips caused by Renjun turns into pure pleasure. His tongue laps at your essence and his lips suck on your clit, you can tell he’s trying to find what exactly will make you tick.

When Renjun slides a finger into your hole unexpectedly, you jump and whimper a bit but the feeling of him sliding in and out along with his tongue circling and sucking on your clit makes a knot form in the pit of your stomach, tightening up your muscles and making your eyes roll back.

“Right there. Oh my god, right there…” You keep repeating, praying that Renjun treats you good and let’s you come. He adds another finger and you gasp, starting to move your hips in rhythm to his hand, holding onto his shoulders for more stability. He glances up at you, watching your eyes screw shut and your tits bounce as you use his hand to get yourself off. Renjun hums against you, and you can almost feel the ecstasy of coming undone, until Renjun pulls away. You groan, feeling like crying when your orgasm fades.

“Hey..” You whine, pouting when Renjun stands back up and licks your juices off of his lips. He has some on his chin and you bring your hand up to wipe it away, Renjun stopping your hand and kissing the wetness away, then kissing up your arm and to your shoulder, up your neck and to your ear. He tugs at your earlobe, licking the skin under it and biting some more, his hands sliding up your waist at playing with your nipples, pinching a little to get whimpers out of you and making your hips buck up, ready to continue where Renjun left you at.

That’s when you feel the hardness in his pants; it must be painful. That’s why you understand his next words, whispered into the shell of your ear between kisses: “You’re not coming until I’m in you, got it?”

You nod quickly, attaching your hands to Renjun’s zipper and button, undoing them and sliding down his pants.

“But, you’re gonna need to do something for me…” He says, helping you pull down his boxers, watching his angry, red length swing out. You gasp, feeling a bit bad that you just left Renjun like this to eat you out, but you’re sure you can make up to him now.

“What is it? I’ll do it.” Your hands run over Renjun’s sweaty shoulders, moving away some longer hair in the back of his head that’s sticking against his neck.

“You’re gonna have to yell my name. I need you to let everyone know who’s doing this to you— who’s making you feel good, okay?” Your breath gets caught in your throat as the words tumble out of his lips. He tilts his voice higher at the end of every phrase to make him sound innocent, but you’re not fooled.

“There’s people outside…” You mumble back, sending a glance at the door. You know there are several staff and customers walking along the hallways outside. What will they think if they hear you screaming Renjun’s name? Not to talk about what will happen to your job.

Those thoughts melt away when Renjun’s dick slides between your folds slowly, making you turn your gaze back to him and hold on tight as he lubricates himself over your wetness, holding onto your hips so that you don’t move and take anymore than what he’s giving you.

“That’s exactly why I want you to scream. Can you do that for me?” He asks and you nod frantically, doing almost anything to get his dick inside you. You’re not sure what’s going to happen once you step out of this room, but at least you know Renjun is going to give you the best fuck you’ve had in a while, and you know it’ll be worth it for what’s to come after all this.

“Finally…” You moan when Renjun’s length disappears into you inch by inch, going slow as to not hurt you. He sucks in a breath through his teeth as he bottoms out, picking up your thigh to hang it over his hip and wrapping his other arm around your waist to keep you close. You hold onto him, adjusting as he kisses your lips sweetly and carefully, and waits to move his throbbing cock through your velvety walls.

“Go, Renjun, move….” You whisper, and he looks at you confused.

“What was that? I didn’t hear you.” He asks, cocking his head.

“Please, move.” You say louder, but he shakes his head and purses his lips as if he still can’t understand.

“I said, fuck me, Renjun. Please, can you fuck me already?” You all but scream out, your voice almost cracking at how whiny you sound. No doubt, if someone passed by outside they would’ve heard you. The thought makes you tense up, but it feels so good to be able to yell out what you want.

“Your wish, baby.” Renjun mutters before he starts rocking into you. You both groan at the sensation, Renjun’s hips speeding up as he gains more momentum. His lips don’t leave yours, kissing you into oblivion while his dick stuffs you. He has you against the wall, his hips powering away and you don’t dare to disturb him, realizing he’s burning all of his anger away as well.

“Yes, Renjun, fuck me just like that…'' You moan loudly to spur him on, now not really caring about who’s outside or who hears you, just wanting Renjun to know you love how rough he’s going. He presses you higher up the wall and pulls your legs apart more, hitting a new angle that literally makes you scream out, tears mixing with the sweat on your face as he relentlessly pumps into you.

There are so many things going on at the same time. Your hard nipples and soft breasts rubbing against Renjun’s chest, making goosebumps rise on his arms. Your hot and sweaty bodies are basically sliding against each other. The clapping of his hips against yours no doubt attracts attention from outside along with your screams and Renjun’s grunts continuously get louder as you both get closer to the climax.

“I’m gonna come… Renjun, come in me…” You’re already fucked out, the words barely leaving your lips coherently, but Renjun understands and moves his finger down to find your clit, circling his thumb fast and steady, just like everything else he’s doing.

“C’mon come on my cock, babe. Let it out, I wanna hear it.” And just like that, you unwind and scream his name as your orgasm washes over and takes control, making you claw onto any part of Renjun that you can reach. Renjun feels your walls deliciously convulse around him and with a few more sloppy thrusts, he comes into you and fills you up, staying wrapped up in you as you both calm down.

Renjun presses small kisses wherever he feels like as your breathing settles down, his softness and the caring way he rubs at your sides and hips where he was holding so hard that you’re sure to have bruises makes you smile hazily.

“___… I don’t regret any of this.” He whispers into your skin, leaning back to look at you properly. “Do you?”

“No.” You answer truthfully, making his eyes shine and you both smile dumbly, your sticking bodies relaxing. The happy moment doesn’t last long before there’s a knock on the door to the sauna. You and Renjun stiffen up as you glance at the door, waiting for whoever it is to announce themselves.

“Renjun? Son?” Your heart drops to your stomach and you cover your mouth at the voice of Renjun’s father on the other side of the door, but when you turn to Renjun, he doesn’t seem bothered. He sends a smile at you and moves some hair from your face before answering.

“Occupied, go somewhere else. We’re busy.”