#god i really have to watch das cabinet etc etc

[kuronobirthday]

he doesnt look unhinged enough. Im sorry.

[maewestside]

LIVE! SHOTS! FIRED! Or Each Day I Wake Up Drownin (Ten Ways to Combat the #Bot45 Blues)… by heidi siegmund cuda, aka @maewestside

I once asked a tv reporter in a local market how she handled the sturm und drang of the nightly gore. She said, “Beats being the guy with the machete in his head.”

Point. Well. Taken.

Bleading meant leading, til that one fateful day, the sales guys who’d taken over the front office determined vapidity sold better in the 18 to 49 demo$ than even the quadruple axe murder bits, and by then, new$ had already lost its way. Truth wasn’t factored into the rating$.

LIVE. SHOTS. FIRED.

A famed erstwhile entertainment reporter said she knew there was trouble afoot when each night, she had the lead story in a local hourlong newscast. During sweeps.

As live shots at death scenes and backlots became normcore, and the procession of vapidity, with occasional interludes of gore, is what passed for news, brains suffer dry rot.

So here we are.

MEAN STREETS

While admiring the dewy mug of a very young Harvey Keitel in “Mean Streets,” his enlightened thuggy character Charlie utters these words: “You don’t f**k around with the infinite.”

Do you hear that Scamalot? That’s the thunderous gallop of karma approaching, catching up to each and every player that figgered he could game the system with impunity, while the Great Unwashed was none the wiser. Chaaa.

With the outing of each pervy anchorhack, a Very Vichy MSM, and digital CEO$ who bent over to the pick up the rubles from enemie$ both foreign and domestic while profiting off the mining of our data, things are looking clearer.

Not.

Time keeps on slipping… slipping… slipping… Kochdrip… drip… drip… drip. The Un-Mercer-ful bot and weaponized our data… Churchy Stinklair is buying more local tv new$. Our media is owned by churchy billionaire misanthrope$ and run by corporations.

REAL FAKE NEW$

But let’s make no mistake about it: when Scamalot cries “Fake”… that’s on a whole notha level.

Fringe Media still flatters the Real Fake President because it’s owned and operated by those who installed him as a pukey puppet #burpfarthurl. Fux und Blackbart profited bigly off the ascent of Dummkopf45, but alas, so did the rest of the media which is why it’s swi$hy. Sometimes excellent, but mostly shit. Money vs Truth… a conumdrum.

EACH DAY I WAKE UP DROWNIN’

Having spent the holiday weekend mining the brains of intellectuals, activists and good cooks to combat the blues of our country’s Current State of Fuckery, I’ve comprised a list of Ten Things that may help those who wake up to this shite each day and feel like they’re drowning, i.e., sensitive to the crushing enormity of the labor of Democracy as real fake new$ pounds our shores, while Really Bad Men (and a Few Ponzi Women) disrupt all that is good about our country to line their own pocket$ and the pocket$ of those who put them in power #sad pffft.

TEN THINGS TO PONDER AS YOU BATTLE THE KLEPTOCRACY IDIOCRACY:

1. BACK TO THE FUTURE How to End the Oil + War Economy Now and Clean Up Our Air in About 100 Years: Use Fossil Fuel exclusively for commercial air travel. We’ve known how crushing greenhouse gases are on our environment for decades but we’ve allowed penny loafered lobbyists paid for by Big Oil a seat at the science table. Enough.

2. ELECTRIC AVENUE In two decades, electric cars will be normcore. Start now. Working from home and/or giving up your wheels best thing you can do for the environment; monitoring your own carbon footprint, big step.

3. SEEK REAL NEWS Until the Fourth Estate is Truly Unshackled to Do Good Work Always, Rather Than Just Spotty Sometimes, learn who owns your news outlets. For example, the Guardian is an excellent source for American news (it’s run by a trust and doesn’t need to run truth past the sales dept) and follow our twitter crew at @foxycuda and @tahoesquaw1… while Tahoe curates the critical news from around the world and finds the truth within Vichym MSM, I try to explain its import in verbiage suitable for a postmod CyberRevo. (Thus the comparisons to Charles Dickens and Hunter S. Thompson, for which I am grateful, but also blame Anita Loos, Dorothy Parker and Lenny Bruce for illiciting my pen-to-jugular style.) We are at war for truth and that requires wit in the form of better catchphrases i.e. #treasonsgreetings

4. WE ARE THE SANE MAJORITY We, the Sane Majority, are constantly told our countrymen and women are devolving into apey, when in fact, the Sane Majority is kind, and da small base comprised of the greedy, the churchy, and those who haven’t gotten off their block of un-opportunity. Those numbers are shrinky dinking as truth grows from the concrete street art. But you wouldn’t know cuz it Vichy MSM is still writing puffpieces on Not-Zees and the various Thug$ of Scamalot, while terrifying us with continual closeups of dictators, including our own. Move along. Or just join the Fringe Apey and watch the reboot of “Jersey Shore” as your Democracy burns and more journos die globally whilst trying to warn us of fascism #sad pffft… a better idea: flip the House in 2018 and #nullify45.

5. MAFIA STATE OF MIND Thank you to Tahoesquaw1, who wouldn’t rest until she knew I watched all three Zembla docs on the Fuckery of Dummkopf45 (“The Dangerous Friends of Donald Trump”), and a new doc on the radiation poisoning of UK citizen Alexander Litvinenko (”Hunting the KGB Killers”), whose dying image serves as a reminder that radiation sandwiches are coming if we don’t speak truth to power collectively. I feel compelled to be among the twactivists that remind the kindly people who are being brainwashed by Fux und Blackbart und Churchy Stincklair, that dictator$ and anchorhack$ aren’t our friends. We are combatting evil in the form of well-OIL-ed infotainment amplified by Bots preprogrammed by enemies both foreign and domestic, and it’s leading to a major identity crisis of the churchy, who give pederasts a pass if it serves their tax bracket or real fake narrative. Peel it back and seek the truth. Eyes wide open. 

6. SING TOGETHER Who among you doesn’t have a brazen friend with a guitar? I joined Artivists LA and activist Samuel Curtis for some Resistance Caroling on Black Friday in Santa Monica, and the song we sang “We Shall Not Be Moved,” is still on heavy rotation in my mind, soothing me hourly as I recall revolutions of my youth sparked by peaceful music. Resistance Caroling is good for the soul. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gX7OW2MJRO0&t=10s

7. BE HAPPY Although many of us haven’t felt joy due to the deranged Pageant Owner in the White House and his sub par toadie$, it’s our duty to manage self care during this time, and that means doing things that bring you some semblance of happiness. I interviewed Dr. David Reiss, one of the 27 mental health experts who authored “The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump,” and he said it’s imperative we manage self-care during these dark days and to never lose site of truth. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5XGeJ5Y8UI&t=26s

8. BREATHE Please be patient with humanity and remember everybody hurts, sometimes. As battle fatigue sets in for those who can’t believe a Pageant Owner Mobster is still our Real Fake President, despite how much factual information on the corruption from within we spit daily, it takes its toll on fractured nerves. If we divide troops now, we lose. We are the Sane Majority, and we will only win if we invite everyone to the party and keep them there. Even the glory hunters. Practice humility daily and realize those who don’t get it now, will eventually.

9. MOTHER EARTH Give us the keys. Y’all fukcin shit up. Imperative, we mandate the Nosferatu Cabinet of Scamalot to wear branding patches on their sleeves: #bigoil #bigtobacco #bigprison #nra #churchyfuckery #botbymercer #botbykoch #rupertscurvy etc. We can’t allow denier creeper$ to ruin our fragile environmental protections and continue to embarrass us on an international level. We already fought for these protections. GOP becoming the official doosh party poopers of the environment ramped up recently, as billionaires bot lobbyists to run interference on truth using God’s name so they could get one last $wig off the Oil + War economies. (See number one.) Use the system to get Scott Pruitt out of our EPA where he does not belong. And further, use the system to oust all the Real Fake President’s cozyboy$, aka war mongering pals thirsting for arms deal$. Old paradigm dies hard but it’s time.

10. BE DISGUSTED I was horrified to learn by a gal whose grandfather was stiffed by Trump, that many of her peers just think the Meinshit Show is funny. Ya, it’s a “Pussy” riot. Our Real Fake President cozie$ up to his dictator pal$ who kill, incarcerate, poison, torture or have people killed because they can. Go ahead, please remain comfortably numb while waiting for the door knock. Me? I’m gonna remain disgusted so I can continue fighting. Even for those who don’t get it. Especially them.

(Below, the author in Laguna Beach Nov. 2, 2016; last photo before the election. She wants her happiness back.)

[thewickedbohemian]

Friendly reminder that even if some elements of a fictional dystopia come true in our world, that doesn’t mean we’re literally headed for the future the dystopia depicts because how could something exist in the past as fiction and the future as reality at the same time (even if it was used as a guidebook, how could they exactly predict the way the dystopia was taken down since you’d think they would plan for something that specific)?

1. Juggalos marching on Washington does not mean we’re headed for a Homestuck future because A. iirc they’re on the wrong side for it to mirror that particular future and B. even if I remembered that part wrong, Homestuck’s gone a lot meta over the years but never meta to the level where characters in the comic could be reading the comic within the comic (even if the characters who were reading it weren’t reading about their own adventures) and to have it so that, in order to avoid that, the “main characters” of this “real life Homestuck” would be people who haven’t heard of the comic and still fit the “requirements” (13 years old (or however old the Alpha kids are), only child, one parental figure etc.), would require almost ridiculous levels of machinations to set everything up for that future and I doubt anyone who’d have the power to do that has the Homestuck knowledge to do that unless something is going on that’s a level of weird that would make Homestuck’s plot look like Dick And Jane.

2. We aren’t in the dark timeline of Back To The Future because A. Trump didn’t make any part of his fortune on sports bets, B. Biff wasn’t based on him but on one of the studio executives who Zemeckis didn’t like (iirc the name of the guy was Rick Tannen) and C. The movies couldn’t exist within any of the realities they take place in unless e.g. everyone has different names in each version and they’re some sort of universal constant but if that’s the case, A. someone in the movies would have mentioned how familiar what they had to do sounded and B. I think we should check if we’re in some sort of absurdist Simpsons-esque cartoon first because a movie series plot seems like a weird thing to have as a universal constant.

3. Speaking of Simpsons, The Simpsons did not predict this unless you think that either the family depicted on the show is real (and therefore everything that happened to them is a real thing in whichever Springfield is theirs) or some other woman named Lisa Marie Simpson will run for (and win) the presidency in 2020 and appoint a nerdy childhood friend of hers named Milhouse Van Houten as her Secretary Of The Treasury. I don’t know about other cases of “Simpsons predicted it” because I make an effort to not really watch the show but I felt this needed refuting both on its predictive power and the predictive power supposedly meaning that world is real in this particular instance.

4. No matter how many social media memes I see about it, we are not headed for the future depicted in The Hunger Games because A. comparing Trump to President Snow implies that the games have been going on for at least a generation (since he wasn’t the first president of Panem); B. For all I know, the statements that his election etc. is what led to the Hunger Games are just posts by supporters of his who want to keep us from rebelling to get him out of power by making us afraid that us trying to stop him is the rebellion that the Hunger Games are because of. C. Suzanne Collins would have to be either God/an avatar thereof (which blows Christianity all to hell), a precog (who for some reason hasn’t claimed the James Randi Foundation million-dollar prize) or a time traveler (and for some reason in our/their universe, time travel works so weirdly that her traveling back in time to publish the book didn’t change/potentially erase the future she came from and cause a paradox because it would do that even without anyone heeding its warnings) to explain the books’ simultaneous fictionality and reality; D. If a future regime (whether or not it’s his) decides they want to literally copy the dystopia depicted in The Hunger Games and that’s why it’s our future, they’d need to build in safeguards against the way the dystopia was taken down that aren’t completely obvious (e.g. illegalizing the name Katniss); E. That meme that seems to imply that the Hunger Games will start in 2018 overlooks the fact that in order for that to happen, everything including the institution of Panem/the district system and the rebellion would have to happen this year, and, unless that was the Trump administration’s goal, I don’t see that happening.

5. We do not live in the 1984 future because, A. Even if it could somehow exist as fiction in the past and reality in the future, it would be banned for being too subversive (and there would be no way that it would sell out like it’s done on Amazon because it wouldn’t be sold anywhere), B. The surveillance etc. isn’t as deep as people think it is and C. The parts of the future that are like 1984 were around long before Trump so he’s not to blame.

6. We do not live in Idiocracy not just because of the obvious things like not having a president who open carries assault weapons on his person at all times or a reality show called Ow! My Balls but because A. For reasons previously discussed in earlier points on this post, it is impossible for something to be a “documentary from the future” and still have that future have happened in reality, B. Just because we have a stupid president does not make him Camacho, and C. IQs are actually rising over time, look it up.

7. Not just the current storyline but any Magic: The Gathering storyline that has already been out can’t be an allegory for our current situation (though in the Magic The Gathering tag on my blog, there’s an interesting theory of mine as to how Earth could exist in that universe and still have that game exist) because A. The only villains in that universe who aren’t too smart to be compared to Trump are either that universe’s version of Elder Gods (who are actually somewhat too mindless to be compared to him) or weren’t villains of their own free will (which I doubt is the case with him unless the section of the conspiratard crowd that’s actually against him are right) and B. In order for the story to have been an allegorical prediction like a lot of people are saying, they would have had to know the election results beforehand and unless Wizards Of The Coast are actual wizards...

8. This is not Star Wars no matter who Trump is in that allegory because if he’s Vader, that means the only ones who can take him down are his long-lost twin children; a son who is living somewhere in the desert with distant relatives and loves to fly, and a daughter whose adoptive parents are either other politicians/royalty (of an opposite political alignment) or celebrities (because they are also kinda “royalty” of a sort) and if he’s Palpatine and we’re in the Revenge Of The Sith phase because Beyonce is pregnant with twins then I’m not sure which thing that “has to happen” (according to this metaphor) is more unlikely; either Jay-Z accepting a cabinet post or Kanye both being the father of the twins and the winner of the 2020 election, Beyonce dying in childbirth and her twins being given up for adoption (with one ending up among her fellow elite and one in some desert flyover state), or Trump (or whoever succeeds him) ruling until said twins are teens/young adults. 

9. This isn’t like Divergent for reasons that will be obvious if you’ve read the third book or seen the third movie but I refuse to mention them because I refuse to accept those particular plot twists as canon but also because the Trump administration isn’t smart enough to be Erudite or selfless enough to be Abnegation (the faction that actually made up most of the government in the Divergent universe)

10. This isn’t Brave New World not just because of the point I keep reiterating about sci-fi not being able to exactly exist as both fiction in the past and reality in the future in the same universe but because corporate-owned TV and lack of social mobility, while sucky, don’t equal biological castes and conditioning from “birth” and, while a lot of people are a bit too football-crazy for comfort, liking sports/games and/or pop culture shouldn’t be something worthy of shame and junk food/drugs, though bad for you in some respects, aren’t freaking soma!

11. This hopefully can’t be Harry Potter (or at least a similar universe) because that means that at best (if he’s the Umbridge in this metaphor with our country being Hogwarts) we have to set up some kind of shadow government that actually makes the decisions (as a DA parallel) while leaving him and his “Inquisitorial Squad” just a puppet government and at worst (if he’s the Voldemort in this metaphor) we have to track down all deaths he (whether directly or indirectly) caused and find out if there’s any scenarios where the parents were killed and a kid survives living with relatives (and if there’s multiple, choose the one that looks the most like a young him) and gradually guide that kid from a distance to achieve his destiny and make sure he gets into some exclusive private school where he ends up meeting his two best friends and saving the world from Trump pretty much every year before finally taking him down in seven years (after this hero kid has lost pretty much everyone he cares about who’s older than him and one or two people the same age).

12. This can’t be Game Of Thrones even though George RR Martin joked about having written 2016, and not just because it isn’t set in the past (although that would be cool yet sad if Game Of Thrones was our history and reality is just an endless chain of similar events occurring, say, once every couple centuries) but because we have far fewer than seven major political families competing for power and because he has been compared to so many characters from that series that if he were somehow all of them mashed up into one fulfilling multiple roles (which helps with the lack of families etc.), he would have killed himself by now (because he’s been compared to so many people that there’s a good chance one of them has killed another one of them) to fulfill the parallel