#god i miss being evil for fun and profit

[queerprayers]

hello, i've recently come across more accounts similar to yours and they have really helped me feel closer to God. so for starters i appreciate you and everything you have to say is very insightful. i am new to Christianity (looking into Catholicism) but i have struggled with my relationship with God for a few years as i am queer. Anyway, all of that is not entirely related to my question. as i wasn't raised religious, i have done some things that i am not proud of that i hope won't ruin God's love for me. for example, i have said stuff that could be considered "taking the Lord's name in vain" such as saying "oh my god", "jesus christ", etc. do you think that is actually taking his name in vain? truthfully, i have been trying to cut down regardless as i love God and mean no offense but it's hard as i have said words carelessly in the past. i apologize for the longer text!!

Welcome, beloved, I'm so glad you're here!

This is always such an interesting topic and I'm sure I won't do it justice, but I'll try to answer your question. The third commandment has been oversimplified for a lot of Christians, and I do think we should take it seriously—but when we caught up with people saying "omg" casually, we miss a lot.

"Taking the Lord's name in vain" can encompass quite a bit: cursing God, swearing on God falsely (in the sense of making promises you don't keep), treating sacred things with disrespect, using God for your own gain, using God to justify evil actions, claiming God's name for harmful theologies—really anything that profanes/using hollowly/for profit the name/essence/qualities of God. "Name" is more than language—it's a presence. So is the third commandment addressing casualness with religious language? I don't think that's what it's specifically interested in, and because the Ten Commandments functioned communally/legally more than personally I'm inclined to say it's concerned more with the promise type of swearing and temple rituals, but I do think the philosophies behind these large things can be brought down to the personal language level, especially for those of us who aren't ancient Israelites.

An old anecdote from my church is that for years they had a plain wooden cross in the sanctuary, but my childhood pastor had a crucifix put up. (This was before I was born, and I'm so thankful I got to grow up with a full, embodied cross rather than an empty one.) An old lady stopped in her tracks that morning, staring up above the altar, and said "Oh my god." The pastor said, "That's right, he is." Besides being used to poke fun at this lady (who had probably never encountered traditional art of the crucifixion in her rural Protestant life) and as a justification for having a crucifix (to more fully confront God), it was also used by my mother to explain why we weren't allowed to say "oh my god" unless the situation necessitated it.

This has made me rethink some of the things I say—and I think there are lines here that we all have to draw. Many exclamations/curses are religious in nature (like damn or hell), and should we only say those when we mean the full essence of the thing? My mother thinks so, and I've gone back and forth. I think what we say matters, and carelessness should never be our framework. I also know that I don't get offended when people say things like "oh my god"—and I've definitely said it before, in way less necessary situations than confronting him bleeding.

When we look at all the things the third commandment can encompass, exclamatory swearing is surely at the bottom of the list in terms of what matters interpersonally and religiously. The megachurch pastor who uses God to sell things and the abuser who uses religion as an excuse are much more relevant to me. This is about your attitude toward your faith, how you want your language to reflect that, and how seriously you take words that are really only translations of a human approximation of a theological truth.

A line I draw is "Jesus" vs. "God"—one is the personal name of my god, and one is more of a title. I don't swear using Jesus's name, but I've dropped an "oh my god." I'm also more likely to use religious exclamations in the face of things I genuinely care about—I'll say "oh my god" to something beautiful but am more likely to say "shit" when I drop something. Is this all arbitrary? Of course! But the language we treasure and the language we're less careful with always is.

I won't tell you where to draw your lines, but I will say the best way to approach any of it is to notice these things—which you definitely are! Whether or not we end up changing something, it's always good to be aware of what we say and how it could affect us. So ask those questions, think through it all. Don't let casualness make you forget the enormity of what we're talking about when we say "God," but also, turn to God with every emotion and in every situation. Don't bring religion into everything because you're being careless—do it because it's where you and the universe touch.

To answer another (and in my opinion more important) question you've asked, no, God's love for you isn't ruined. I don't care what you've said, what you haven't cared about, what you've done—God's love is incapable of being ruined. This would imply weakness or unfaithfulness, which our faith does not characterize God with. And Christianity is firm that it is never too late to repent—meaning, to turn around and dedicate yourself to not going back. (God's love reaches the unrepentant as well, of course—it is a matter of whether we can see it and move through it, not whether it's there.) Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand—as in, it's always been here, it's happening now within you and your communities, and it will arrive.

Whatever changes you make and journeys you begin, God's love goes with you—it's not something we work toward having, but something we work toward honoring. It is hard to change habits—it's hard to change anything, and your dedication to thinking about this new part of your life is admirable.

I want to say don't get caught up in the smallest possible meanings of the commandments as you continue into Christianity, but I love that you are and that's not really the advice I want to give. What I mean is more, don't let this be a barrier. Every tiny thing is part of our lives, which means they can trip us up, be things to obsess over, be things we focus on to avoid other things, be areas we become perfectionist when that energy could be used more usefully. I am contributing to harm in countless ways that don't include swearing, and to be an imperfect human in this world, you are too. I give you permission to not let this be the hill you die on. Christianity calls us to be willing to die on so many hills, y'know? The enormity of our dedication can be overwhelming, but we move forward knowing the love of God is on our side.

The sacred Name has only ever been put into human words in the form of Jesus, and meeting him in both the sacred and ordinary is how I honor the Word. As I navigate the countless ways I exist and affect and am in relationship with the world, I come back to that. That true holiness can never be profaned, so I must not act as if it can be. When I find myself acting as if God could be hollow, I know I must turn back. I may embody this idea differently than you and others—we cannot all pay attention to everything at once. But I honor your commitment to the small things, and I pray that you live confident in the knowledge that nothing you have done or will do can stop God from entering into communion with you.

<3 Johanna

[let-us-cultivate-our-garden]

I’ve seen people state that Dana Terrace has a tendency to emasculate the characters she doesn’t like, especially villains . Like often making them be defeated incredibly easily or making them do things that go against their established characters. From what you’ve seen do you think this is true?

Honestly, I think you can make the case that she does this to characters she DOES like as well; not the emasculation part, but the out-of-character moments. The most recent offender is The Collector who was previously established as enjoying watching Belos abuse and murder grimwalkers and is looking forward to the Day of Unity, but in For the Future, none of these malicious traits are present, and he seemingly does a 180 in his characterization. They're just a Lonely Kid with superpowers instead of the chaotic god child who apparently delights in misery.

It's one thing to present a character one way and gradually reveal the layers underneath but such a drastic change with seemingly no explanation is not character development, it's a retcon.

The show also has a problem with setting up how some characters change: Darius was initially presented as being contemptuous of Hunter but warms up to him once he stands up to him. Considering his history with the previous Golden Guard, shouldn't Darius know what Hunter goes through instead of assuming Hunter is spoiled? Darius' rebellion against Belos is also muddled; he becomes a fully-fledged CATs member because he cares about people and is suspicious of the Day of Unity. Except, I don't believe we're ever shown why this is the case. Darius is a Coven Head and it's his job to get more recruits and was trained by the previous Golden Guard. Logically, he should be a firm believer, but instead he uses his status to climb the ranks to act as a mole. This is a great starting point but we're missing what triggered this in the first place. The only hint is that the death of his mentor is what started his rebellion against Belos. But this isn't really expanded upon and it raises more questions. How did he find out that it was Belos who killed his mentor? How much did the Golden Guard tell him? If the death of the previous GG is what made him turn on Belos, then why does he treat Hunter poorly? If you're going to have a character act as a mole, then at least explain what their motives are and how they were developed.

This shows how fundamentally flawed the world-building in The Owl House is; characters only follow Belos when it's convenient to the plot. So in the end, you have characters who oppose Belos because they're on Team Good Guy (Darius, Raine, Eberwolf), the ones who support him because they've always been Evil (Kiki and Terra) and the rest of the isles who either celebrate him at a parade or denounce Eda's potential execution because two teenagers said so.

Anyway, onto the villains...

Odalia is essentially a war profiteer who doesn't care that her entire species is about to be wiped out by the DOU, even though logically she should. She cares about her company and a company can't profit if the majority of your customers are dead. She is tyrannical, cruel, and greedy and it's fun to watch her be reduced to a mere servant. I don't mind this development for Odalia, however, it does point to the trend of taking powerful enemies and reducing them to a shadow of themselves for comedic purposes.

Kikimora was presented as a terrifying enforcer of the Emperor's laws but she got progressively more pathetic to the point where she had to impersonate a teenager and serve as the right hand to Boscha, a character we haven't seen properly since Season 1. She is presented as power-hungry, pathologically ambitious, and has an intense desire to earn Belos' favor, but when he turns against her, she helps King find the Collector, effectively helping defeat Belos. But recently, she is back to her Season 2 shenanigans by taking over Hexside and the question is why exactly? We saw her world crumble before her and she reverts back to her previous traits instead of actual characterization. A common interpretation is that she is just THAT obsessed with power that nothing can break it, which isn't...realistic. FtF doesn't show why Kiki does this, she just does. Perhaps because of the psychological damage of Belos betraying her she decides to continue with what she's always done, except that this isn't telegraphed clearly. Instead, she just comes off as a mini-boss before the final showdown.

That leaves Belos as the only real credible threat and while he is terrifying on a personal level, we never see him at his full power; for apparently being the most powerful "witch" in the isles, his magic doesn't really stand out from what was seen before. And in King's Tide, he was just playing with Luz. He is ultimately brought down by his own hubris and misplaced trust, and an over-powered god child. Belos' defeat is thematically appropriate so it's not as egregious as Kiki's but it does fall into the category of "Easily Defeated." Obviously, we'll have to wait for the finale to see if that trend continues.

Belos' defeat by the Collector seemed to set them up as the new threat in town, that Belos, for all of his power, was ultimately nothing and the mysterious Collector is a force to contend with. But no, the Collector is largely kept in check by King. So Belos' defeat doesn't do anything for either character; we don't get any reaction from Belos about his centuries-long plan blowing up in his face and the Collector isn't even bad, just misguided. As for the misunderstanding between King and the Collector and their "new game"? I don't think the Collector will actually do anything that will have lasting damage, not while Belos still breathes.

And that's a common problem the villains in this show have, any attempt at interiority or psychological depth is explicitly rejected by the show (remember Kiki and her family, how she was worried about being disowned? Psyche! She'll drop everything for even a smidge of more power!) and the lesson seems to be "these characters have always been Evil and nothing will change that."

It can be fun watching villains go from intimidating to pathetic, but if that's all you do with them then it becomes boring fast, at least for me. Ultimately, I think the biggest problem with the villains is that you're supposed to take them at face value: Belos, Kiki, Odalia, are Evil for petty reasons and will do anything for power. Not all villains need to be nuanced with complex characterization but if all of your villains are just Evil all the time and the text explicitly does not want you sympathizing with them or even showing a different side to them, then that's just a wasted opportunity to flesh out your world with interesting characters.

[lizardsfromspace]

Finished my DS9 rewatch & decided to look back on some of the missed opportunities of the series. Was DS9 perfect? Yes. I like Voyager and Enterprise but I could fill pages with missed opportunities etc, with DS9 I had to scrounge around for one list

Everything to do with how Terry Farrell's departure was handled but that's on Rick "fucking Rick Berman" Berman

The Pah-Wraiths are the least creative thing in DS9 and really the only time they fell into the pit of defanging an alien concept, by making the Prophets the Good God Aliens and the Pah-Wraiths the Evil Demon Aliens. Too much of the finale is spent on this silly plot of red-eyed, possessed Dukat in the hell caves. On the other hand the scenes where Dukat seduces the Space Pope into Satanism are fun

Tora Ziyal being this formless character bc they kept recasting her and somehow settled on "romance with Garak, who is her dad's age and, uh, y'know" as the best option for her. Why did Ziyal not have any kind of arc with Jake and Nog given they were around the same age

Jake Sisko I guess? For all that I respect why he wasn't around that much I do wish they'd included him a bit more over the years

I get why they revisited the Mirror Universe the first time but why did they do it again each season. Why were all those episodes still better than any Mirror Universe plot since

Uhhh the arc with the Orion Syndicate was kind of forgettable and it's sort of weird that the Orion Syndicate had no Orions in it

"Profit and Lace"

Uhhhhhh when they introduced the Defiant there was a Romulan onboard and she was written out bc they didn't have enough room for her and I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel here but it would've been nice to have a fleshed out Romulan at some point in the 24th century shows instead of a revolving door. It's weird that Star Trek has only had a regular Romulan character for half a season of Picard and he spent the next season dead and then vanished without a trace

Will Elnor never be mentioned again or will he show up on one episode of Legacy to get Icheb'd. Which would be worse

When did this become a Picard post

[knightofdeer]

that was. some extreme additional fun. thank you for the answer however!

I have a question on the topic (do forgive the absolutely not jarring shift, please); how much historic materialism can be found in 40k? Because from where I stand, wargames tend to have at least some of it, you need at least some recognition of social structures that benefit from the war you're playing here.

Early DnD had some of it, afaik, in the form that it was clearly about warring against conquerors while being a pillager, if you paid any mind to it, but nowadays, when the focus is more on roleplay and worldbuilding, the worlds fall apart because they are now tied by nothing — there are still conquerors, but they don't have material reasons to be, and the picture is bigger, the worlds are widely developed, and warring is not perpetual, but when there is no warring, there is no reason for those widely developed worlds to exist in the forms they have, because there are only benevolent and evil kings and only rogues are the ones allowed to care for profit.

In case of 40k my proper introduction into it was the recent rogue trader game — I know some lore, but never read or played anything before, and so far it seems like the developers in this particular case mostly understood their histmat (can elaborate on that), but commonly it's not the case with the franchise — so I wanted to ask your opinion on that, and how things are in the fandom, not only in licensed works

Firstly, I am frankly not sure how well do I understand historical materialism, but I will try to answer it from historical perspective general.

Secondly, Warhammer 40K is my first "big" fandom and it's special for me, and as a result I return to it like every 3-6 months but it's not like I know really a lot.

Thirdly, it's kind of murky to say what is main franchise here, because the hierarchy of lore is like that: Rulebooks and Codexes and Campaign books > Novels > Licensed works. So the overwhelming majority of lore is outside the main franchise.

And frankly, I would say that it's not materialistic at all. It started as "what if we mixed Warhammer Fantasy and Dune and some other sci-fi" and continues to largely work on the rule of cool. Imperium is described as highly hierarchical with material inequality, but it also rarely comes up in main lore. The closest thing to military industry that is important to lore are Forge Worlds, but they also exist as vague points of production rather than businesses. The Rulebook describes main ways of planetary exploitation, and yes Imperium uses planets specifically to extract labour and resources from them rather than just vaguely ruling them, but it's also rarely comes up.

The closest thing to actual commentary is in the field of religion. There are a lot of "quotes" from sermons that sound literally horrifying but also they are not just evil - they are specifically like that to make people loyal to Imperium, to make them willing to tolerate awful working conditions, inequality, and maybe eventual need to die in war. Imperial Creed is basically Calvinism but much worse. And what's very important and what a lot of fantasy religions miss is that it's explicitly not true - The Emperor is an immortal superman, yes, but he is not a god. Even though due to how Warp works unified zeal of humanity may have created a god in his image, but before that there were ten thousand years of worship of things that we as readers know to be a lie.

Warhammer 40k is not even space opera, it's very much fantasy with some technological elements.

And Imperium is like the most realistic part of Warhammer. Chaos is literally four gods playing a game to conquer the universe, Necrons are faux-Egyptian cyber-undead who are angsty because their souls were eaten by star gods (different ones), Aeldari are space elves who form a number of cultures ranging from ascetic "monks" of Craftworlds to Drukhari who are basically space vampires but instead of blood their life depends on consumption of suffering of sentient beings, and so on.

But that's the big picture. Smaller stories are usually set on one planet, and since worlds of Imperium are pretty isolated, they all have their own societies that may have pretty materialistic dynamics. Maybe, I never read too far into any of novels.

Fandom is... not great. My only interactions other than random reblogs in the last couple of years were occasional visits on r/Grimdank, and while it's not as horrifying as it may sound it is very much not great. Like everyone there does understand that Imperium is evil but it doesn't mean that they have sane politics otherwise. Though most of it is just memes about factions and events so it's fine.

I know that there is very purposefully marxist community of fans of Warhammer Age of Sigmar (parallel world, there is 2.5 Warhammers), but I don't know a lot about it (though I bought a novel from Age of Sigmar setting so maybe it will catch me).

Warhammer Fantasy, on the other hand, is pretty famous as fantasy for history nerds. Nerds, mind it, not political activists, but it's pretty faithful recreation of Early Modern Europe. I don't know enough about it to say does it reflect specifically transition from feudalism to capitalism, but the class inequality is not just mentioned, in Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay it's specifically part of flavour because you start not as mighty heroes but as foot soldiers and students of magic at best and beggars, gamblers, thieves and servants at worst.

(Also I am not that familiar with lore of D&D, but if anything it's more like Old West fantasy. It depends on specific setting and even locations inside this setting, but by default you are adventures in mostly uninhabited wilderness inhabited by goblins and kobolds and orcs and other sometimes sentient monsters. And high heroism wasn't a thing in D&D at the beginning, though it is for quite a time now but in the beginning it was a game exactly about rogues, not as class, they weren't there from the start, but as way of life. My brief familiarity with Forgotten Realms setting however confirms that in 1st and 2nd editions of campaign guide it was just generic High Medieval setting the only remarkable thing about which is that it's pretty young by fantasy standards and in subsequent editions it had to undergo one divine cataclysm after another to keep things interesting and to justify changes in rules)

[stillhavetodothat]

Replaying Nancy Drew without Cheating - Part 11: Secret of the Old Clock

UGHH. I am so torn on how to even discuss this game. Do I absolutely love the 1930s gimmick, to honor the anniversary of the Nancy Drew books? Of course. It is adorable, and it is charming. I recently read the first 4 books of the Nancy Drew series, which was an interesting experience (the narrator never fails to mention how attractive Nancy is, nor how absolutely flawless she is in everything she does), but it does make me appreciate more the fact that HerInteractive decided to make this game. I can now forgive them for creating a hole in the space-time continuum by randomly plopping an 18-year-old Nancy down in 1930 in between two current-day games, which my young mind could neither understand nor accept.

In general, though, this game may be one of my least favorites that I’ve played so far in the Replaying Nancy Drew Without Cheating project. I don’t DISLIKE any Nancy Drew game by any means, but this one had a lot of tedium. I mean a lot. It manages to be an extremely easy game with some of the most frustrating puzzles of any game - I’m thinking mini golf, Jim Archer’s wife’s dress, driving your car and delivering telegrams. By the end, I wasn’t sad for it to be over.

Was I tempted to cheat this game? No, not once. I’m not sure if the games are getting easier as I go on, if my patience is growing in resolve, or if the gameplay is just more linear, or maybe a combination of all three, but it has been a few games since I’ve felt like I needed a hint. This game is perfect if you want to relax, enjoy some bright colors and upbeat vintage music, or think 1930s slang is delightful; ultimately though, it is a bit forgettable. 

Here are some of my thoughts:

1. I'll give props to the opening of the game with this cut-scene. You really dive head-first into small town America, nearly a century ago, complete with a fun narration to really get you in the mood. Who is Emily Crandall? Why DID she invite Nancy out to the Lilac Inn? What IS the Lilac Inn? It gets you brimming with questions, and you’re not even out of the car yet.

2. I know this is low-hanging fruit as far as complaints go, and anyone who has played this game has probably mentioned it at one point or another, but the driving interface is a nightmare. I switched between using my keyboard and using my mouse, but each option was equally torturous. My goal this playthrough was to have to deliver as few telegrams as possible, and I still heard “WELCOME TO ZIPPY’S!!” squawked at me over half a dozen times.

3. I really wish the people of Titusville would stop insulting me by acting like they WOULD give me a tip, with some bullshit excuse as to why they can’t. Everyone in that town can suck it as far as I’m concerned.

4. Speaking of the asshole residents of Titusville, by far one of the most irritating parts of the game is that infinitely long quest you’re sent on just to get that stupid trivet (ultimately ended up being necessary, but Christ bro, the fact that I needed to bring 5 toys to Mrs. O’Shea, FREE OF CHARGE, just to get raffle tickets that were already owed to Miss Jakowski, AND THEN MRS. O’SHEA HAD THE GALL TO TELL ME SHE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE THE TICKETS AND I HAD TO GO PICK THEM UP MYSELF??? My blood was BOILIN).

5. Is this the one and only game with TWO culprits? And are these the two most loathesome culprits in the entire world? In all honesty, I hate Jane mostly because she is absolutely hideous. Her weaponized incompetence grinds my gears, and yes, the fact that she is putting a vulnerable, recently orphaned minor through hell in the hopes of a profit is certainly morally evil, but it’s mostly that face and horrible, bottle-dyed hairstyle (did they have bottle dye in the 1930s?). Richard Topham is just a loon with the stiffest, most awkward posture I’ve ever seen. I can’t stand conversing with either of them.

My god, just look at that face.

6. This is a weird period for the ND characters. I feel like the devs were trying something out here? They are so blurry, their movements so unnatural. I think Her is on the prescipice of improved animation, but they aren’t quite there yet.

7. Puzzles I enjoyed: Bard’s Bounce (taken from some of the earlier games, and I enjoy it every time). The pies (love a good logic puzzle, and those things looked delicious). Using the HAM radio to talk to Josiah’s old radio friends (Josiah seemed like an interesting guy, so I actually enjoyed this aspect of the story-telling).

Puzzles I did not enjoy: Mini-golf (I saw recently somewhere that you should save between each hole you get par on, so that if you fail the next hole you can just open your old save. This is absolutely genius and would have saved me so much heartache. Why is this game so hard? Why is “I hit it too hard” the only thing Nancy knows how to say in this entire segment?). Sewing the dress (this is, first of all, not how sewing works at all). Topham’s idiotic guess-the-card challenge (did I mention how much of an idiot this guy is?).

8. The number of times I had to watch some of these cut-scenes, like the golf ball on the train or the shed’s attic opening up, was excessive. I appreciate the animations, but don’t make me watch it 10 times in a row.

9. I found it absolutely hilarious that at the end of the game, when you’re chasing Jane around town, if you lose her or fail to cut her off at the state line, the newspapers somehow make it your fault. Not hers for committing fraud, or for grand theft, but yours, a random teenager, for not driving like enough of a maniac as you for some reason take law enforcement into your own hands.

I wish I had more positive things to say about this game. It's a nice change of pace, coming on the heels of Curse of Blackmoor Manor. It’s fun. It’s cute. It just isn’t my favorite. Curse of Blackmoor is probably my all-time favorite, and Last Train to Blue Moon Canyon is up there too, so CLK is a bit of a bump in the road for me.

[justabumatthepark]

Rusty

I'm saying, you know, like

All I ever told you to do was grow up, don't grow down

You know, like, you know, grow up

Don't grow down, grow out

You go from being a kid, just doing your thing, hanging out with friends

Months later, you're world famous

You're a gay rights activist, and you don't even know it

You know what? I don't wanna say it to you no more, Tyler

Fuck you, Tyler!

Watch me get this money, nigga, tired of being hungry, nigga

Nothing funny, sass me while I'm thrashing, I'ma punch a nigga

Never made of plastic, I'm a savage, you look lunch, my nigga

Passing all you hating fucking fags we don't discuss, my nigga

We ain't on no jolly shit, and we don't pop no Mollies, bitch

I'm hocking, spitting got some niggas out here popping Ollie switch

Buncha novices, Odd Future the squad is thick

Them young niggas is back and brash, attacking with no common sense

We the last of a dying breed

And we don't give a fuck, so we cannot supply your needs

You stupid niggas who had said our hype is dying, please

My pockets solid, making profit off the highest tees

Bitch, merch twerk as I get on the verse, cursing

Nigga Dom so cool, I refer him in third person

Watch me get this money, I'm up when the birds chirping

Make actions, fuck rehearsing

Nigga, summer, fall, wintertime, 24, 365

You niggas gon' give me mine, I don't have plenty time

Flying out at any time, getting money, any grind

You niggas gon' give me mine, you niggas gon' give me mine

Summer, fall, wintertime, 24, 365

You niggas gon' give me mine, 'cause I don't have plenty time

Flying out at any time, getting money, any grind

You niggas gon' give me mine, you niggas gon' give me mine

In a world where kids my age are popping Mollies with leather

Sitting on Tumblr, never outside or enjoying the weather

Can name a sweater, but not a talent or don't know if whether

Or not they got one, tried to change their life for the better

I was the drama club kid, I run where the fun did, my nuts itched

I was defiant, always said, "Fuck shit"

Hated the popular ones, now I'm the popular one

Also hated homes too, 'til I start coppin' me some

See, I don't beez in the trap, nigga, I beez in the b's

And I be gassing up my buzz like some bees at a Shell

Fucking sick and getting bigger like I sneezed on Adele

And bitches getting touchy-feely like they reading some Braille

I bust quick like gun-holders with short tempers, and well

I tried to tell the kids, like fuck it, start being yourself

These fucking rappers got stylists 'cause they can't think for themselves

See, they don't have an identity, so they needed some help, but

Really, boy? Posers looking silly, boy

I'm in that past season 'Preme shit, older than Tity Boi

Not a diss, but same with ice cream, my shit is Diddy Riese

Na'kel Smith, Transworld page 64

Poppin' like oil ollie in fire flames

I'm harder than DJ Khaled playing the fucking quiet game

The fuck am I saying? Tyler's not even a violent name

About as threatening as stained windbreakers in hurricanes

But he rapes women, and spit wrong, like he hates dentists

God-damn menace, 666 and he's not finished

And my shit's missing, he hates women, but love kittens?

See y'all niggas tripping, man

Look at that article that says my subject matter is wrong

Saying I hate gays even though Frank is on ten of my songs

Look at that Mom who thinks I'm evil, hold that grudge against me

Though I'm the reason that her motherfucking son got to eat

Look at the kid who had the .9 and tried to blow out his mind

But talk is money, I said, "Hi, " I guess I bought him some time

Look at the ones in the crowd, that shit is barnacles, huh?

They thought I wasn't fair until I threw a carnival, huh?

But then again, I'm an atheist that just worships Satan

And it's probably why I'm not getting no fucking album placements

And MTV could suck my dick, and I ain't fuckin' playing

Bruh, they never played it, I just won shit for they fucking ratings

"Analog" fans are getting sick of the rape

All the "Tron Cat" fans are getting sick of the lakes

But what about me, bitch? I'm getting sick of complaints

But I don't hate it when I'm taking daily trips to the bank

Oh, but no but, shit, who really gives a fuck what I think?

My fans don't, they turning on me, shit, they're almost extinct

Fuck buying studio time, I'ma go purchase a shrink

Record the session and send all you motherfuckers a link, bitch

Nigga, summer, fall, wintertime, 24, 365

You niggas gon' give me mine, I don't have plenty time

Flying out at any time, getting money, any grind

You niggas gon' give me mine, you niggas gon' give me mine

Summer, fall, wintertime, 24, 365

You niggas gon' give me mine, 'cause I don't have plenty time

Flying out at any time, getting money, any grind

You niggas gon' give me mine, you niggas gon' give me mine

This shit just like the nights I look forward to not remembering

So much for being sober, I hope that you can forgive me

But Momma, I'm close to the edge as possible (why don't you jump, you fucking pussy?)

All I'm seeing is the drop in my ocular, jumping like they told me

That the 40's half off, like you know that cliff

Don't need a therapist to tell him he could float that shit (fucking faggot)

Or get compared to fucking pair with all the program kids

So maybe a pair of pale bitches for the gonads lick (I'll show you)

Malt liquor filling me up, and all us not giving no fucks and

All of them sensitive chumps in awe when that pistol erupts (pistol, I got one!)

Dirty one spitting that sumpy raw till his wrists in the cuffs

Bitch got us- (oh, shut the fuck up!)

Samuel's here! Where's Wolf? Fucking faggot

Salem was mine, bitch! Was that good enough, you fucking pussy?

[nihiltism]

in light of this news WHO WANTS TO SEE MY SHITTY DRAWINGS I MADE IN MS PAINT DUNKING THE SHIT OUT OF DARK REIZE IN LIKE. 2019. I DO

ive been into a Lot of obscure video games in my life but i can quite proudly say i have only one blorbo that i honest to god think i am the only person who likes them in the world and its a fucking. hot topic ass 14 year old. who exists Years before hot topic ever existed probably. and is only in one game. and will likely never exist again. and technically isnt even canon in his home canon. and only has a handful of dialogue. i am forever in pain

[archetypal-archivist]

Tommyinnit and Hermitcraft- Heartstone

So this builds off of the whole "Tommy has somehow found himself on Hermitcraft after the exile arc" thing that got really popular with @redorich and @petrichormeraki on tumblr. Basically it's an excuse to give Tommy therapy and 20+ parent figures. One thing that's a common thread in those stories is that Tommy is shocked that Hermitcraft has infinite respawns and all of the hermits are quick to reassure him that he really won't perma-die in their world. And I had the thought- well, what if he wasn't in their world anymore? And thus came forth 1500+ words of angst~

It begins like this. Evil X is stuck in the void, alone and with no one to talk to. He misses daylight, he misses touch, he misses hearing voices other than his own. One day, he sees something get shot through the void as if by slingshot, leaving a trail of code in its wake, tethering the whatever it is back the way it came. This is Tommy, and while he begins to get adjusted to Hermitcraft and company, Evil X watches as the string of code begins to imprint itself into the void, and eventually learns that he can interact with it, albeit only on the most superficial of levels. On Tommy's end, he slowly begins to heal from his time spent in the war zone that is the Dream SMP, making fast friends with Grian and several of the other hermits in the process. He goes pranking with his newest, winged older brother figure, laughs at the antics of Impulse, Tango, and Zedaph, builds a cobblestone tower with BDubs, etc. But for all that he's healing, such a process isn't linear. No one on the server can truly understand just what sort of stuff he has been through, and so he often finds himself alone, trying to deal with his wildest emotions by talking to himself.

One day, however, a little voice in his head starts talking back. It's rough and gravelly and not very nice at first, but it's faint enough that he chalks it up to his imagination and moves on with his life. He follows Stress around like a duckling for a day, plays squire for Welsknight, and has a roaring panic attack after an unfortunate spar with False leads to him getting flashbacks to the Pit with Technoblade. He retreats back to his tower for a good cry, and in the midst of his tears, he hears the voice again. This time it's a bit nicer, sounding unsure and a bit panicky as it tries to encourage him to stop crying, god this is awkward, kid, it'll be fine. Wait, are you a kid? You seem tall for a munchkin.

This time, Tommy knows that it isn't his imagination, but half of his old server seemed to have voices in their heads so he really isn't all that alarmed that he seemed to have developed one of his own too. And he does something that no one else does when Evil X reaches out- he starts talking back. It's rough going, at first, especially since both of them have abrasive personalities, but eventually they settle into a rough estimation of friendship that means more to them then they are willing to say. From Evil X's perspective, this is the first time someone has actually listened to him and hasn't been turned away by his violent streak, his bad manners, and lack of proper social skills. For Tommy, this is a chance to vent to someone who seems to understand his pain. It helps that neither of them are inclined to ask too many questions. Tommy, on his part, has no clue that Evil X is an actual person and not a voice in his head, while Evil X can't bring himself to ask why Tommy has left a trail of code in the void and why it's all so glitched. He especially fears asking about the perma-death clause that seems to naturally have occurred in his code.

He will come to regret this choice.

The day is like any other, at first. He begins his day with a slice of sweet melon and then flies off to whatever hermits are awake at the time to "share a meal with them." Really, it started as an excuse to make sure that Tommy was eating at least one meal day, even in his most dissociative of states, but has since turned into an opportunity to eat weird things in front of people to see their reactions. (Etho is his favorite. He's always up early and half the time, asks to try a bite of whatever Tommy is having. They both agree that spider eyes taste a lot like sour boba.) From there it's off to the shopping district to restock his dirt shop and claim his share of the profits from the hole-digging service he runs with Grian. After that, there's just enough time to complete an order or two and collect more cobble and dirt before he has to meet up with Grian to go on their biweekly End Busting session. The two usually have a lot of fun as they go about it, Tommy jokingly shoving Grian off the platform only for his adopted brother to catch himself and fly up to join him on the narrow platform spanning the emptiness once again. Every once in a while, Grian mock-threatens to do the same in return, but he knows better than to actually attempt it after he did it once and had had to catch Tommy when he started screaming and even after they had gotten back to solid ground, he wouldn't stop for the better part of half an hour.

On habits die hard, after all. Tommy may have been told time and time again by everyone on the server that infinite respawns are a thing, yes really, but he still has a hard time believing it. He actually has a rather insane number of levels racked up- even more than Xisuma, which is impressive- because in all the months that he has been on Hermitcraft, he hasn't died once. It's a combination of survival skills taught to him by Philza and his own paranoia which has kept him alive for so long, and most of the hermits agree that it is rather impressive, if not entirely healthy for him to be so scared of dying. (Doc once offered to kill him as evidence that yes, it really is safe here and you will respawn, but for all that death by crazy redstone machine might of been cool, Tommy took a hard pass on that. Grian low key took exception to Doc offering to kill his adopted little brother, really man? Not cool.)

Anyway, Grian and Tommy meet up in the End and start off bridging with the insane amount of cobble that Tommy has stored up. Usually Tommy is in front, placing the stones, and Grian is in back, watching out for any sign of a slip up, but this time they decide to switch it up a bit, head in a new direction, play around with who's doing what this time. It ends... poorly. They bridge out into the black, on and on and on, farther into the void than they ever have before. Slowly, the islands of floating white stone stop appearing with such frequency, but they become larger in size and stranger in shape. Every once in a while Grian will see what he swears to be a glowing white mountain of Endstone in the distance, although Tommy calls bullshit each and every time. They chalk it all up to bad luck and going nuts from boredom, but really, neither one of them knows how to quit while they're ahead. As the islands disappear altogether and all that remains to orient themselves is the tenuous lifeline of cobblestone beneath their feet, the unthinkable happens.

Grian slips. And Tommy, taught compassion by the very world that will now kill him, reaches out to save him.

For one, brief moment, the two brothers clasp hands- and then Grian's weight pulls Tommy right over the edge and down, down, down into the void below.

Grian fell out of the world.

Tommy fell out of the world... and into a new one.

----

Xisuma wakes up late that day. He's been doing that a lot, if he's honest, given how late he's staying up most nights finishing up builds and the like. Those hours of sleep have to come from somewhere, after all, and he's far from an early bird. He gives into the impulse to relax a bit, drinking some tea sweetened with just enough honey to rot his teeth, and then heads off to his computer room to start up his duties as admin for the day. It's the red lights that alert him to something being wrong, and at first, he thinks it's just one of hermits' cam accounts being buggy again. Perhaps it got shut off while the hermit was bridging through the void and the hermit in question simply hadn't retrieved it yet? But who would name their cam account Tommyinnit? The looming dread sits cold in his gut as he flicks his fingers to open up his admin panel... Best to check, just in case.

The death messages are clear enough- Keralis had just perished to a ravager yesterday, likely Tango's from Decked Out if he had to guess. Zedaph had been slain by a piglin twenty minutes ago. And Grian and Tommy had fallen into the void. But if that were the case... why had only one of them respawned?

On Grian's part, he comes to with a lingering chill deep in his bones and an awful headache. The bed underneath him is warm and the sheets are a soft rosy color, likely one of the ones in Scar's magical village if the persistent smell of spruce is anything to go by. He winces against the light filtering through the window and turns to the side, squinting at where Tommy had placed his blue bed right next to his, apology on his lips for his stupid mistake. The sheets are undisturbed. Huh. That's weird, he could have sworn that he and Tommy had set their respawn points at the same time. Maybe Tommy had just forgotten and he was back in his base or at spawn? Grian rises to his feet slowly, giving his body time to adjust to the colors and sounds of the Overworld, then flaps his wings and takes off to go looking for his Tommy.

He doesn't find him.

---

The reactions to Tommy's "death" are many and varied, although for the most part, the hermits are split into two camps- those that think Tommy is gone for good, and those that think he may still be out there somewhere. For the first few days of Tommy's disappearance, most everyone is in the latter camp. Xisuma spends hours upon hours scanning the code, becoming increasingly more frazzled and terrified as his lack of sleep gets to him. Tango and Doc join him in the endeavor, although none of them have any luck or are able to spot the piece of code that caused the problem. No additions, no changes to the text, nothing. Grian leads the other team, those who set out on foot and one wing and with pick in hand to scour the world for their youngest charge, taken from them too soon. They begin in a grid pattern, setting out in ones and twos to search the whole world, but as the distance increases, the neat, orderly flyovers turn into frenzied boosting as panic starts to get the better of them. Some of them hold onto their composure better than others, but Grian ends up flying over the same patch of forest three times because he can't see for his tears. False, Impulse, Welsknight, and Beef cross the Nether, fighting their way into Bastion after Bastion and leaving Nether portals in their wake. In their tracks comes the fliers- Grian, Ren, Iskall, and BDubs. Each one takes a portal and does a sweep through the corresponding patch of Overworld before picking a direction to continue the search. Cubfan, iJevin, and Scar take to the seas, Mumbo, Stress, xB, and Zedaph to the End, Etho down into the depths of the caves below. Strangely enough, there are a few hermits who don't join the search- Keralis, who got the unlucky task of taking care of Xisuma and the others searching through the code, Tinfoilchef, who doesn't provide a reason but everyone gives him a pass because of his age, and Joe Hills and Zombie Cleo, who refuse to explain themselves.

Eventually, the searches dry up. Eventually, some of the hermits admit defeat. Hundreds of thousands of blocks out from spawn, down to the bedrock below, beneath sea and sky and every place that lacks the sun. How far is too far? For Xisuma, enough is enough. Tommy is dead. The search is over.

He stops looking. And soon, others do the same.

And the tone of the server... shifts.

For the first time that any of them can remember, a person has perma-died. Sure, they've all heard the rumors, of servers where infinite respawns is not the norm, of servers where the world glitched and a creeper is supercharged enough to damage a player down to their code. But they'd never thought that one of their own would be on the receiving end of such a curse. And to the hermits, the possibility of dying themselves suddenly becomes all too real. The constant flying is the first to go, and for those that insist on it anyway (outside of Grian, who has wings), checking the elytras' durability becomes more than just a habit. Eating spider eyes and other junk is out of the question, now it's golden apples or nothing. The Nether is all but abandoned, as is the End, and everyone on the server either groups up so that they are never alone, or retreats into their bases, becoming true hermits befitting of their server's name.

The joy that had once been so characteristic of the server is gone, and in the hearts of all, there lingers the dread that any one of them might be next- although, there are still those that hold on to hope that Tommy may not be as gone as he seems.

---

The hermits who think Tommy is dead for good and have stopped searching: Doc, Etho, Xisuma, Welsknight, Grian, BDubs, Cubfan, TinfoilChef, Stress, False, Iskall.

The hermits who think Tommy is still out there, alive if still missing, and that the search should continue: Keralis, Mumbo, Tango, Vintage Beef, Impulse, Zedaph, Joe Hills, Zombie Cleo, Scar, Rendog, xB.

Doc and Etho are old. They don't like to admit it, but they've been around since the beginning, back when players were first learning how to jump servers and communicator technology was undergoing its first upgrade. They've seen a lot and know well by now that dead is dead. Tommy is dead. All that is left to do is mourn and move on, and they have shed their tears already. Call them cold for it, but in the face of a kind of drive that can keep a man going after his entire server has burnt down around his ears (Mindcrack will be missed), they know they need to keep moving forward. There are enough broken messes on the server these days, and it is through their efforts that shops remain stocked and the torches don't burn out. They hold onto normalcy with an iron grip and hope that some day, the rest of the hermits will join them in rationality.

Stress too has a comparatively healthy approach to all of this. She doesn't want it to be true, god no, but so far everything is pointing in the direction of Tommy being dead for good. She eats a couple dozen bowls of ice cream, has a some good cries, doesn't leave her base for a week, and even afterwards she can't bring herself to wear pink for a while. But she's mourning. She's accepted things. She lets her heart break, and as time passes, she lets herself heal. And that's enough for her.

Scar is of the opinion that Tommy is still out there, and while he clings to that hope with all his might, it's fragile and Cub just knows that his best friend is going to be cut to pieces when that hope inevitably breaks. So he takes Scar aside for a quiet conversation, to break his heart before the world can break it for him. Afterwards, Scar stops talking about Tommy as if he's coming back, but his smile is never as bright as it was before. And Cub's heart breaks too.

Team ZIT swings the exact opposite way as the rest and are firmly of the belief that permadeath is impossible and thus Tommy must be alive. The three of them aren’t known for their impulse control at the best of times, and with so many hermits having given up, the trio is rightfully vicious about the fact that the others, in their eyes, have abandoned their friend. Zedaph, Impulse, and Tango all kind of feed into one another and start doing lots of dangerous stunts, as if daring the universe to permakill them and prove them wrong. If one of them does something, the other two join in and escalate things, which gets impossibly dangerous very, very fast. Tango is furious, Impulse is bitter, and Zedaph is straight up heartbroken that his other friends would give up on another of their number. They do things like fly incredibly high, go cliff jumping in the Nether only to catch themselves at the last minute, and sprint across the End bridges. If they have doubts, they never voice them. Even when Tango feels like he’s burning up from the inside and wonders at his newfound hate. Even when Impulse is utterly terrified but goes along with things anyway because Tango is doing it and he can’t bear to leave a friend alone. Even when Zedaph looks at his friends and can’t help but feel scared of and for these strangers wearing the faces he knows so well. Even then.

Team ZIT often gets dragged into and starts lots of screaming fights with the other hermits who believe Tommy is dead, especially Doc, BDubs, xB, and False. False especially gets vicious, as while pvp is no longer permitted on the server, her tongue is as sharp as any blade. She believes firmly that the others are trampling on Tommy’s memory by insisting that he isn’t dead and she is determined to make them stop. And if they refuse to give up their foolishness? Well, all she might have left is her words but with them she will make them bleed.

xB and Vintage Beef are as close to neutral as you are going to get from those that get into regular arguments. xB thinks Tommy is dead until proven otherwise, while Beef thinks the exact reverse. As some of the more chill hermits, they often get dragged in to play negotiator so that the fights don’t turn physical. And some days, when someone says something particularly hurtful, they’ll close themselves up in one of xB’s bunkers and drink until they can no longer remember why they ought to be enemies. It’s hardly healthy, but they both agree that it’s better this way. Better to forget than to hurt, after all.

Grian is… somewhat the same. Sort of. He was traumatized by Tommy, the boy he adopted as his little brother, dying before his eyes, and he can’t help but blame himself. That is, when he can remember that Tommy is dead at all. After the fall, Grian’s mind was badly broken and he couldn’t accept that his little brother was dead for the longest time. He fell into two weeks of deep depression, barely eating or drinking, and eventually Iskall came and took care of him when he realized that he hadn’t seen his buddy in ages. Iskall nursed Grian back to health, only to feel his heart shatter in his breast when Grian turned to him, eyes feverishly bright and tone childlike, asking where Tommy was. The winged man’s mind couldn’t cope with the loss so it had shut down entirely, making him forget the tragedy that had occured. Iskall had deflected then, frantically trying to figure out what to say, but after a few days of Grian wandering about in a dreamlike state, his memory came back to him and he collapsed in on himself once more. The winged hermit is now locked in a loop of this, while poor Iskall is stuck trying to keep his friend alive and relatively sane.

Iskall, for his part, thinks Tommy is well and truly dead. In part because of his own certainty, in part because anything else would be even crueler for Grian. He doesn’t resent his friend for his break downs, just quietly bundles him up and clutches him close, coaxing him to eat and bathe, to put down the guilt and realize that it’ll be okay, the world won’t end with Tommy gone. He gently tries to nudge Grian down that path of acceptance of Tommy’s fate, and though he faces many setbacks, he tackles each one with a special kind of patience born of platonic love. They’re bros, despite everything. It’s only right.

Mumbo is, weirdly enough, on the side of Tommy being alive. Iskall doesn’t exactly approve and while he and Mumbo sometimes get into whispered arguments over it, they try to keep their little disagreements from Grian. Both of them only want to see their friend happy again, and will do just about anything to make it happen. For Mumbo, this means putting together crazy redstone contraptions to try and find Tommy again, as he’s certain that Grian’s little brother is still out there somewhere- and he has a piece that might prove it. Iskall comes over one day, face drawn and haggard from a night of soothing Grian through another set of screaming nightmares, only to find Mumbo waist high in redstone wiring, all hooked up to a strange portal design that looks too much like Doc’s infinity portal from season 6 for comfort. At the top of the arch is Tommy’s compass, needle whirling about like a hurricane, and while the portal isn’t lit, it does give off a faint blue-black glow. Iskall is frightened that Mumbo is tampering with something that could get him killed and Mumbo rushes to reassure him that no, the compass was specifically linked to Tommy so if Tommy was really dead, it would have been reset, right? He’s merely borrowing that tie to try and figure out where the two ends lead. Iskall is less than sure about this, especially since Mumbo is just as drawn and pale as he is, if a bit more covered in redstone, but they agree that fighting is pointless. They care about each other and about Grian too much to put any of them through that sort of pain- and besides, there’s more than enough fighting on the server already.

Ren too thinks that Tommy is alive and he is one of the ones who gets into regular fights. He’s a lover, not a fighter, but something about this whole situation just burns him up. When the pressure gets too much, he goes flying, tracing over those old familiar trails they searched so long ago, trying to see if there is anything they missed. There never is.

Welsknight has made his peace with Tomy’s death, though the server tends to forget that he and Tommy were closer than most. He alone knew that Tommy was once upon a time a boy called Theseus (a name given to him shyly when Tommy had asked him if there were any great heroes with that name that didn’t die). He alone knew Tommy’s love for horses, or that he would spend hours whispering horror stories to them when he thought no one would hear. Tommy was his squire, and although he had accepted the tragedy, he still wept for the hurt it brought him. He alone knew of the little grave he had dug under the willow tree in his castle courtyard and the headstone he had placed there, engraved with Tommy’s true name, death date, and supposed date of birth. He couldn’t have been more than 17, and perhaps that was what hurt the most. Every morning at dawn, Welsknight brings a bouquet of flowers to that little grave and says a prayer before disappearing into the morning fog. The flowers are always the same- forget me nots, for remembrance, violets, for devotion, and clover. (Think of me).

Tinfoilchef stays out of it- always has and always will. He’s too old to rush about searching or to feel as wildly as the others do. He feels, of course, but more so as the mountain does, steady and strong despite the winds that tear at its surface. Tommy is dead, but then, so are many of the people he has known in his life. It’s best to just keep plodding along.

BDubs is a mess. He had never spoken of it, but long before he had come to hermitcraft, he had had a daughter- a beautiful baby girl whose heart was too big for her chest, and she had died for that difference. He had grieved for years, but eventually the peace of the hermitcraft server had left him soothed, if a bit different than before. Tommy had been another chance at fatherhood, not that he could ever bear to call the teen that, even in the privacy of his own mind. Instead, he had taught the kid to build cobblestone towers that weren’t entirely offensive (if shaped a bit oddly) and had been the first to volunteer any time Grian was out and Tommy needed a place to spend the night when the nightmares were particularly fierce. They had so many fun sleepovers like that, and staring at those awful cobble towers in the distance, BDubs can’t help but bawl his eyes out at the memories. He waffles between taking the towers down or leaving them up- they really are ugly, and the feelings in his chest that they inspire are even more so, but somehow, he can’t bear to see them gone. Instead, he dries his eyes, flies off to grab a shulker of cobble, and sets about adding a few more to their number. A final remembrance for the boy he would have gladly claimed as his own, if only he hadn’t been too late. (He ends up building a lot more than a few).

Joe and Cleo are somehow the only ones who are actually neutral in the whole mess. Whenever they are asked their opinion on if Tommy is truly dead or not, the pair simply smile mysteriously and refuse to comment. Joe always seems to know more than he lets on and Cleo is his closest confidant, after all. Despite the anger and tears directed their way for refusing to commit to either side, the two keep their silence. (They know the truth of the matter, after all. Everything will be okay in time).

Xisuma has given up. Tommy is dead, and there is nothing he can do but spend days and days going over the code with a fine tooth comb, trying to find the glitch that cut the life of their youngest member short. Keralis takes it upon himself to take care of his long time friend, but it’s not an easy task, not when the other is so determined to make sure that such an incident never happens again. And Keralis can’t find it in himself to complain, especially since he is laboring under the impression that Xisuma agrees that Tommy is still out there and is trying to find him. It is only when Keralis mentions it in an aside, thanking the admin for his dedication, that Xisuma breaks the illusion and explains. Tommy isn’t just dead, he says tiredly, his very presence is well and truly wiped from the world’s code. All that is left of him is the faint impression his code had left behind, and trying to read it and understand what went wrong is a bit like trying to read small letters that have been drawn out in dry sand. Even for a voidwalker like himself such a task is near impossible, and Xisuma can only do so much. The needs of the many above the needs of the few- best to secure those he can now than worry over those that are gone beyond his reach. And Keralis can’t help but look at his friend with new eyes, a fleeting sense of betrayal in his heart. He had thought better of his Shishwammy, and he says as much. 

He cries while Xisuma watches on in solemn, mournful silence.

---

TBC  :)

[regrettablewritings]

I dare . . . to Dew both 😎 . . . Oh wait that sounds bad especially considering the image I chose --

Who the fuck put the Peeps in the microwave?: Oh come on, you know exactly who did it. . . .  Okay, technically, it was a team effort with you egging Dewey on. The man was a bottomless pit that seemed to derive amusement from your horror at what he’d be willing to consume. A stale pack of Peeps found at the back of a shelf at the bodega was far from being an exception. But if this bozo was about to profit off of your disgust, you were at least going to have fun with it. Warm marshmallows? Fine. Good, even. Warm Peeps? Evil. Cursed. You both knew this. But Dewey had a reputation to uphold . . . Besides, maybe if he squinted at the pulsating, gooey mass, it could look like . . . Fuck, he didn’t know, something actually edible? Suffice to say, Dewey wound up spending the next few hours curled up on his side on the couch. You weren’t sure if the ordeal was necessarily that bad, but given the slips of anguish that crossed your boyfriend’s face as he attempted to scarf down the sticky blob, you weren’t quite ready to completely dismiss it.

Who forgot to put the cat outside before sex?: Luckily for you, you don’t have a cat~ It’s Dewey. Baby boy just gets lost in the kissing/caressing sauce. It takes a few times but eventually, even photos or action figures nearby have to go face-down before anyone takes a trip to Pound Town.

Who posts Vines/TikToks of the other doing embarrassing shit?: You do, mainly because while also being his significant other, you double as his social media expert. The job of attending and recording his rehearsals and shows both with and outside of SoR falls on your capable shoulders, and sometimes that means you wind up getting golden footage of Dewey doing a split gone wrong, or pushing his ancient twenty-something-year-old body too hard and releasing an almost death metal-like croak in response. And by sometimes, I mean often. At first, it frustrated him that you went on to pose these things -- he wants to look cool, dammit! -- but the comedy gained him enough traffic to also grab some new followers. Even the view counts on his actual songs went up! . . . Okay, yeah, maybe you’re more than just capable of being his social media expert. Good job, babe.

Who breaks the most phones: Sometimes, Dewey forgets his phone in his bands or hoodie. He only remembers it all too late when he makes a leap on stage and sends that bitch soaring. Other times, it’s because he’s zoused and it slams to the concrete outside of the bar. In a puddle.

Who dies first: . . . I mean . . .

Which one I could see as being lactose intolerant: Neither party, really. Though I feel like if Dewey were, he’d think it was “rock-n-roll” to completely disregard that and keep horking down the cheese-sprinkled meatball subs from the deli and chase it down with a milkshake. As far as he’s concerned, lactose intolerance is just The Man to his body, telling it what it can and can’t digest. Stick it to The Milk Man! 🤘😤

Who thinks they can do something really well even though they can’t: Oof. Well, without getting into the psychology of Dewey Finn, I think it’s safe to say that deep down, Dewey is a rather insecure guy who’s at least somewhat aware of his shortcomings. There’s a good chance that he covers most of that with a sort of confidence that he has to believe in, otherwise it means everybody who ever doubted him was right. So in a way, I think he’s at least somewhat aware that stardom -- or, at least, stardom the way he always imagined he’d experience it -- just isn’t for him. He’s a very talented musician, that can’t be denied, but being a Rock God just isn’t in the cards for him. At least, not in the way he spent all those years focusing on. His immaturity and tendency to showboat make that job proposition even further than what it probably could be if he had a bit more going for him, humility and awareness-wise. That being said, Dewey is The Heart of his projects, and has a skill in leadership that he’s only just recently become aware of thanks to interacting with the kids of Horace Green. That is where his focus needs to be for the time being. And it’s through honing those skills in, and doing some maturing, that he stands a better chance at paving his own way to becoming a musician of some fame.

Who is more likely to get kicked out of bed: Both of you, but for different reasons. With you, it’s more literal: Dewey is an active sleeper, and sometimes those dramatic routines from his fantasies of partying atop Mount Rock integrate themselves into his dreams. If you’re lucky, you just wind up with his arm flopping onto your face. But on particularly excitable nights, you wind up with his foot turning your lower back and legs into a stage upon which he gleefully stomps some vague rhythm. If you haven’t made it out of bed by then to just move yourself to the couch, then it’s already too late and you’ll son find yourself slamming to the actual floor. (And God, Odin, and the rest of the Mount Rock’s inhabitants help you if Dewey left some Legos on the floor.) In Dewey’s case, it’s because he’s still awake but trying not to be -- and failing at it. He tries to listen to music but even if the playlist starts off soft and relaxing, it inevitably turns into him singing and air-guitaring or air-strumming along while his mouthing of the words turn into whispers before eventually just becoming full-on singing. What had started off with “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” transforms into “Highway to Hell”, which sends him packing on a highway to the couch so you can catch some shut eye.

Who uses the computer the most?: Given that Dewey is an instructor and keeps working on music even outside of SoR, he always needs technology in his reach. But at the end of the day, what with the technicality of smart phones being miniature computers, you both are pretty even.

One again, thank you for participating and I hope the week turns out better!!!

[shirtlesssammy]

3x04: Sin City

Then:

Dean killed Azazel

Now:

A nun wanders an empty church, replacing hymnals. The priest finds her and offers to walk her to her car. They both find a parishioner in the balcony who gets their attention by announcing that “God’s not with us.” He then shoots himself in the head. Ooof. 

While Dean and Bobby work on the Colt, Sam informs them that he’s found sightings of demonic omens. Bobby stays behind to figure out how the Colt works while Dean and Sam take off for Ohio and the new case.

Interviewing the priest, the brothers learn that things changed in the town about two months prior --the same time they opened the devil’s gate. 

The brothers then head to their motel room, where Dean runs into an old hunter friend, Richie. They banter and then they all talk shop. Whatever’s happening, doesn’t make sense. (Sidenote: Dean’s pumped that the room has Magic Fingers. Yay, bby) Dean asks about anyone in town whose whole personality has changed. Richie answers, “There’s Trotter.” He’ll be at his bar in a couple hours. 

The town is anything but a boarded up factory town. It’s got coeds as far as the eye can see, and Dean’s ready to do some research. Trotter’s Bar is the epicenter of debauchery. They find the priest there. 

Sam wonders what the padre is doing there. He goes where the flock is. 

Dean then gets to flirt mildly with the bartender and fun fact: He likes Hurricanes. I feel like this is one part of Dean’s personality not explored in later seasons. Let the boy drink his fruity drinks, 202K! 

Before anyone can react, a man walks in and shoots another man dead. 

Dean tackles the assailant before he can off himself. Sam throws holy water on him, but he’s not possessed. The man admits that the victim slept with his wife. (Sam sees Dana Scully’s dad from across the bar. Man, things are REALLY WEIRD here.) (Natasha: Nooo he’s the general from Stargate!)

The cops later take the man away and tell Sam and Dean that the paper will be there shortly to take their pictures.

That’s the brothers’ cue to leave. Dean wonders where Richie is before they take off. 

Richie is with the bartender. She’s taken him to her parent’s country estate. It’s secluded and has toys. Just when things are getting interesting for poor Richie, the bartender reveals she’s really a demon, and she knows he’s a hunter. WHERPS. He tries attacking, but she snaps his neck in two seconds flat. Richie!

Later at the bar, Dean forgoes eating his burger to track down the missing Richie. Sam decides to follow Trotter. 

Bobby, meanwhile, is getting the Colt back into fighting shape. Ruby shows up and taunts him to test out the Colt. He does. The aim is true but the bullets aren’t right. She offers to help him with the gun. 

The brothers practice seriously dangerous cell phone usage (Seriously Sammy? You didn’t put it on silent? Seriously Dean? You’re driving while not hands free? UGH.) 

Dean’s back at the bar and a prostitute approaches him for a discounted good time. Dean doesn’t pay. (Or is that Sam? IDK, neither of them have to pay. Have you seen them!?) The bartender is back at work and saw the whole thing. It doesn’t deter her that Dean struck out with a prostitute and they head out for fun times elsewhere. 

Sam watches Dana Scully’s dad leave his office and heads in himself to investigate. Dana Scully’s Dad Trotter appears again and there’s a slight tussle before Sam realizes that he’s also not a demon. Sam awkwardly realizes his mistake and makes his exit. Sweet dumb boy. 

Dean, meanwhile, is heading down the same path as his dead buddy Richie. Dean’s no dummy though and sets up a devil’s trap. He pulls out his Latin book to exorcise her back to Hell. He doesn’t have it memorized yet and she starts up a demon wind machine. He loses the pages AND the basement door caves in. Worst Date Ever.

Later, Dean explores his new prison to the amusement of the demon trapped with him. She mocks him openly for not having an exorcism memorized. 

The demon taunts Dean expertly. Dean Bean’s offended at being labeled the dumb one and I am OFFENDED on his behalf! They wait to see whose rescue is going to arrive first - Dean’s or hers. 

Sam frets at the bar over his missing brother, and bribes the bartender for his whereabouts.

Meanwhile, Dean and the demon’s snarkfest marathon continues. She tells him that she didn’t even have to engage in mystical hijinks to send people in town into an evil tailspin. All she had to do was drop a few suggestions about the profit of vice to Trotter and humans took care of the rest. She describes humans as weak and corrupt. 

For Constantly Weak for Dean Winchester and SYMBOLISM Science:

Sam heads inside her (other) house and finds sulfur. The game is afoot!

Meanwhile, Dean and the demon enjoy a little philosophical exchange. “Do you believe in God, Dean?” she asks him while I chew my own arm off. She sets up the apocalyptic battle from the demon perspective. Humans have wrought carnage on their world, so it’s the demons’ turn to “do it right this time.” 

Sam’s back at the bar again, calling Bobby to report that he can’t find Dean. I guess the game is...not so afoot after all. The bartender offers him booze before downing a shot himself and, frustrated with the townsfolk, Sam zeroes in on the priest who’s still hanging out in the bar. 

Demon Casey tells Dean that she’s faithful to Lucifer, light-bringer and the one who will raise demons up. She’s a believer. Dean oh-so-casually asks what Hell is like and the BRAVADO masking the FEAR! Jensen Ackles, your face hurts me sometimes.

For HURTSSSSS MEEE Science:

She sees right through him. “It’s a pit of despair,” she tells him frankly. “Why do you think we want to come here?”

Sam, meanwhile, is involved in a terribly awkward discussion with the priest at the bar. He’s worried about his brother and thinks he might be…..in trouble. The priest offers to bring Sam to Casey. His eyes turn black as he turns away from Sam. 

The demon and Dean have settled into a friendly heart to heart at this point. She tells him that she actually likes him and thinks he did something good when he sold his soul to save Sam. 

Dean tries to laugh off her real talk. He thinks it’s freeing to be damned - he can live his life any way he wants now. He’s totally not scared at all. Not at all!!!

The demon riding the priest interrogates Sam, asking him about his aspirations for the future. Yeah! Why aren’t ya in college, Sam!

Dean and Demon Casey continue to bond, and the scene takes the tone of a couple kids just chilling in the basement talking about life. Which is...actually sort of accurate. 

Casey tells Dean that Yellow Eyes, a.k.a. Azazel, had a plan to bring the minions of Hell to Earth, but Dean killing him put a significant wrench in those plans. She tells him that Sam was supposed to lead the demon army. Uh. Wherps. Instead of Sam, there’s a power vacuum in Hell. Demons everywhere are fighting for the crown. “For the record,” she tells him, “I was ready to follow Sam.” And damn, if I don’t get the feeling that Dean likes her a little better because of that. 

Sam and his demon priest arrive. Dean issues a warning to Sam, but Sammy doesn’t have to worry because Bobby shows up with the Colt! Bobby hands off the gun to Sam, Ruby smirking in the background. The priest breaks into the basement and smashes through the devil’s trap holding Demon Casey in. They kiss while Dean looks on in surprise.

Surprise, Dean! They’ve been lovers for centuries! Casey begs the demon priest for Dean’s life and it gives just enough delay for Sam to shoot the priest with the Colt. The priest flashes out. Dean tries to stop Sam from killing Demon Casey but Sam shoots. She flashes out as well. Remember, kids, there’s no room for love on Supernatural unless it’s DOOMED LOVE. 

The next morning, Dean tries to figure out what they actually won from this hunt. There are two demons dead and one alive - and very bad - human. “Maybe these people wanna destroy themselves. Maybe it is a losing battle,” Dean opines to Bobby. He notes that Sam’s dispatch of both demons was “cold” and brings up Azazel’s words to him: When Sam came back, he might have come back different. They both agree (halfheartedly) that Sam is doing FINE and is definitely not at all concerning.

Sam and Ruby meet up in a hotel room. Sam’s suffering regrets and calls Ruby a “cold bitch.” She takes issue with this assessment, particularly since she’s saved his life a few times. I mean, knowing about Ruby aside, I fully agree here. Fun fact! The word “bitch” was used four times in this episode! Ruby continues to dangle the hope that she might be able to help save Dean from his deal. Sam levels the Colt at her.

Sam threatens to kill her, but it’s just empty words. Ruby warns him that the fight ahead won’t be easy, but she’ll be there by his side. A little “fallen angel” on his shoulder. (Shakes my head at this goddamn show.)

Where Everybody Knows Your Quotes:

Toys trump oils

A demon with a heart. Wow

You don't get it. All you got to do is nudge humans in the right direction

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

[crazygaysex]

incomprehensible conjecture and rambling about sunny/rcg under the cut! idk man I got 1 hour of sleep in the past 24 or wataver and my brain is an abandoned swamp Good Nigte

i certainly am not arguing that mac Absolutely Isnt a stereotype of a predatory gay man/self-hating homophobe or whatevr. i wont argue the homophobe one at all really,not great even if they rectified it and further tried to make up for it or whatever w mac finds his pride (which i love, regardless). but honestly i dont think the predatory complaint really makes a whole lot of legitimate sense considering every charatcer on the show is Extremely predatory in their own right. if he wasnt i’d be irritated to be honest. i do agree w wat mcelhenney said something like that its cool that they decided to acknowledge he was gay without changing him fundamentally as a person; he still needs to fit into the show or watever. like idk he’s not Ideal Gay Rep ofc but he’s awesome still. To Me. I like when character’s sexuality can be an improtant acknowledged facet of them but doesnt overtake the rest of te narrative! It never occurred to me that his behavior toward dennis would be seen as predatory ina stereotypical way seeing as how their relationship dynamic is so fckign bizarre. charlie has the same level of dogged cluelessness about the obj of his affection’s true feelings, so it didnt occur to me to see mac touching dennis’ knee or stuff of that variety as being any different ig or as making fun of queers or watevr. if i am wrong/misunderstanding i apologize. i have never considered mac from that perspective before.

honestly i kinda get the complaints. i’ve never rly thought rcg all have 10000% pure intentions with the insensitive kind of humor they are into, no matter their loophole justifications for shit. sometimes i almost believe their reasoning and do basically understand but it still seems flimsy when you considers stuff like the blackface stuff which is indeed kind of funny at times mainly bc the joke is the absurdity of it all, like mac in the shower with the brown dripping off him like he’s melting; it’s not funny at the expense of black ppl but more so at the expense of how goddam stupid and unaware mac is. i havent seen the blackface/brownface ones in years sos i dont have a whole lot to say excepe they seemed to be clearly against using blackface as the moral while still using it to get laughs. so. really honestly i don’t know that it’s Liderally Ever edgy white people’s call to use something like blackface regardless of context, regardless of their obvious intent? i dunno i have tried to find Black ppls opinions online a couple times but struggled to find any tangible results. the only other thing i have to say with ym white person words is that i think it’s stupid that the streamig companies take down all insensitive episodes like theyre trying to brush them under the rug and pretend it never happened in wake of a changing political climate. i get it, but kinda just seems like corporate scrambling ie disney getting ridof all of song of the south but still profiting from splash mountain eprhaps. something seems dodgy to me about pretending it doesnt exist anymore just to cover their asses. i understand the sentiment i guess but i dont think that’s really the main goal of the BLM movement, to purge streaming services of any questionable/racially insensitive/Fully Racist material; there’s surely more important things at the top of the lists besids Good Branding . im not sure if that makes sense

also a lot of episodes the joke is the blatant but somehow woefully oblivious homoerotic overtones present between the guys, like a Lot of the time. it is very funny though is the thing and a lot of thm are my favorites. i dunno. i also thought hte pooping transgender bit was pretty funny mainly cause it was absurd. i think maybe because i have my own what i think are reaosnable and empathetic views about certain stuff like queer shit it doesnt necessarily occur to me that they are trying to make fun of queer people.. like people make fun of conservative fans for having completely missed the point of it all being satire, and wat if i am being tricked to into assuming rcg has kind intentions and isnt trying to make fun of queer people just cause the thought didnt occur to me? instead of taking all the gay subtext serious- WHICh i Do, i should probably be more aware that to rcg it is just a bit and not really that deep. but mac and dennis were totally fucjing in s5 canonically. anwyays like aside from the carmen shit which is handled So Fuckign Bad and it makes me so upset cause i actually love carmen they were just very clearly not bothered with actually representing trans people accurately. so in the bathroom one if even fuckin dee reynolds is like, saying a trans woman in a woman’s bathroom is obviously normal.. it seems like they’d rectified some of their previous Very flawed rhetoric surrounding trans women (ie the whole “u slept with me when i was still a man” line. makes me cringe a bit ebery time)u get wat i mean?? not that it atones for it obviously. i love carmen she desreved better

butreallt i dont have any like. Pure Faith in rcg to be super accountable or honest about their intentions or to have the most accurate or agreeable beliefs or whataver. theyre just fucking about really because they can without any lashback. and people i think like being able to laugh at offensive shit thru scenarios which supposedly distance you from bigots/evil people and make u feel better about yourself watching these dumbass evil people talk slime. when like. glenn yelling supposedly arabic-sounding gibberish for example: it is funny in this context not just cause it’s wildly inappropriate and absurd but also because there’s prob significant amt of people who actually dont have an issue with it who could watch it and not have that takeaway whatsoever. i dont kno wt im talking about anymore btu honestly if youre trying to watch a show that isnt rife throughout with controversial/offensive/insensitive language and story beats, i dont know why you would try to stomach it with sunny. like for gods sake they used blackface more than once! i dunno man

[ssatoritendou]

Dragon Queen

Pairing: bakugou/reader

katsuki bakugou

Word count: 2.3k

+ summary: You and your siblings are orphans, you were the oldest and needed to take care of them. You didn’t think it was wrong from stealing from the Prince soon to be King would be bad. 

Genre: Medieval AU; fluff 

Warning: Cursing, suggestive content 

"Shitty Hair where is my fucking sword!?” Prince Bakugou yelled across the room. "I don't know. Check the throne room or the dungeon." Kirishima yelled back. "This like the 18th fucking thing that's gone missing." "Bakugou man your mom needs you in the throne room." "Tell the Hag I'm not interested. I just want to travel to have those Princess sluts at my feet." Bakugou argued back. "Listen to me, you tell that Brat that he will get his ass down here now!” The angry Queen yelled from the throne room.   "Hmph." The prince grabbed his cloak and walked downstairs. He was met with Kirishima at the bottom of the stairs opening his mouth to say something.”I heard, Kirishima get your shit together and wait outside. I'll be out in no time." "But Baku-" "Just do it. And be in a position so we can get out of here." He walked into the throne room, the Princesses his mother picked for him were ogling him again. "Not a chance in hell Hag. I will marry when I want to. When I do it will be someone I choose and certainly not a princess or of high standing.” He said with spite in staring directly into the Princesses eyes. Of course, He knew she wouldn't accept his terms. "Katsuki, you need to be married. You will be coronated soon to become the next King ever since your father died. Our kingdom needs-" "I'm leaving and when I come back I will come back with a bride and if not you can pick one I will marry. Shitty Hair let's go." He hopped onto Kirishima and left the island.

"So Bakugou where are we off to? Raid some pirates, tavern hopping, or-" "I need to find my sword. We are going to the trade market. It's worth a lot of money. Any sad sack that stole my sword would know that." "Weren't we just there?" "Exactly Shitty Hair. We got back yesterday drunk off our asses and someone must have stolen it off of me. When we got home we slept it off. We have been there multiple times and each time something of mine went missing. Find the robber and deal with him and then...I have to find a bride." "Bakugou how are you going to find a bride?" "I DON"T KNOW SHITTY HAIR!"

"If it isn't the Great Dragon King and his pet again. Two days in a row. What brings you in today?" "Did you see anybody hanging around me and the dragon?" "Mainly just girls. All wanting to be queen. No one out of the ordinary to me." The bartender responded. “Damnit.” He said frustrated. “Shitty hair let's go to the market." The pair was wandering around for a while before Kirishima said something. "Bakugou isn't that your knife?" "Which one dumbass? This a table full of knives and swords." "That one with the emerald stone. I remember it because you threw it at Prince Shoto when he beat you in a sword fight." "Oh yeah. Hey, where'd ya get this?" "This type of knife here is a rare silver and gold plated base with a jewel stone in crested in the handle." "I'm not looking to buy it! I want to know who gave it to you to sell so they could get some profit!" Bakugou lunged forward and had the man in his hands. "Bakugou-" "Shut it Kirishima!" "I can't tell you she kill me and her little minions too." "It's either me or her. Right now who are you more afraid of?" "She lives in the forest with other children. She steals from out of towners." "Did she give you a sword?" "No. I haven't seen her in weeks. No one here has. She sells to all of us and we give her 20% of the profit." "Thanks. Here's some cash. Alright, Shitty Hair we are going to the woods."

"_____ we are going to the stream.”Your little sisters said. "Ok bring b/n with you two. The last time you two went you nearly fell in and were taken by the current." “Ok, we promise. See you for dinner." The two little girls left with b/n. You lived in the woods with other orphans. You were the oldest and had to take care of them. Your orphanage was destroyed and you couldn't leave them behind. You also had to find a way to provide for them. You had come up with a plan to take care of everyone. Stealing from out of towners, selling it to merchants, and getting some profit back wouldn't be so bad. Some of their quirks were a little frightening and so was yours. No one dared to cross your family in fear of their lives. "_____ I found that berry plant again. I thought it would make a great side dish tonight.” Your little brother said to you. "That's perfect, g/n. You go and wash them and b/n is preparing the meat and I'm preparing the salad. g/n and g/n are baking. And I believe b/n is chopping wood." "Alright. Cool, where did you get the sword?" He gestured to the shiny sword sitting on the dinner table. "I was about to ask that question myself?" You turned to see a man on a dragon with b/n and the twins. 'GOD he is attractive.- Hold up children endanger because hot man is holding them captive. Must fight girly instants.' "Hey put them down this instant!" "Oh, I will once I get back what was stolen from me." "I didn't steal it. I permanently borrowed it. Put those kids down or suffer the consequences." "Oh, what are little children and a shitty girl going to do?" “b/n do it now." b/n put his hand in the dragon activating his quirk. The dragon turned back to a person. Then g/n opened a portal for them to hit the ground safely. She also made a portal for the men and transported them to the ground. Her sister went over to them and knocked them out. "What do we do with them now _____?" "Well, I guess they are joining us for dinner," You smirked.

"Look who joined us finally _____!" b/n cheered next to me. Bakugou awoke out of his slumber and he was being held captive by a boy with branches coming out of his neck. "Let me go! You have no clue what I'm capable of!" “b/n don't need to aggravate the little firecracker. King Bakugou right? Can't activate your quirk if I have someone that can cancel it out for you." The shitty girl was pouring everyone a drink. "What is King Aizawa here or something?" "Hehehe, no no I'm not related to him. I'm flattered though." Your younger brother laughed. "I just came to get my sword back." "No can do. Sword can catch me and my siblings a pretty penny or more. We need it to survive you are a King get another one." "It has value to me." "I'll have to think about it over dinner. Kirishima is the roast done?" You turned your head to Kirishima as he was explaining to a set of twin girls how to cook meat. "What the fuck Shitty Hair!?" "Language!" The group yelled at the angry blonde. "Hey, Bakugou man. They were very nice to me and I offered to help cook." "How the hell am I supposed to eat?" He gestured to the tree branches around him. "I'll feed you." The shitty girl smiled. "I rather starve." "You really want the sword back you should pay nice with _____. I'm b/n by the way. It's very nice to meet you King Bakugou." "Whatever." "Fine then starve." b/n said with annoyance in his tone. "You don't need to be rude, b/n. I guess he doesn't really value this sword." "Wait...Fine, you can feed me." He grumbled. "I have never seen him cave like that," Kirishima whispered to you. "I have that effect on cocky men." "EH, YOU HA-" "You shouldn't really yell at me. Kirishima has been lovely to us and but I wouldn’t hesitate to kill him and you too. I might have to teach a lesson on manners. And I'm not afraid to get violent." She smiled an evil smile that looked innocent. Bakugou felt something in his chest...thump...thump. 'Nope, not a chance in hell! I rather spend the day with Deku and listen to him talk about Knight All Might.' "Ok kids go wash your hands and then we will feast." "Um _____ can you bring me the soap and water?" "Of course. " You brought the items over to the boy that was holding Bakugou with the branches. She helped him wash his hands. "Bakugou what would you like on your plate?" "Everything." You gathered a plate for him. "We only have water. Once we had wine but someone here drank it all." You glared at your brother holding him. "I thought it was prune juice." "Sure." "Wasn't fun either with you messing with the gravity." "Hehe." She giggled. "Ok open up." She brought the fork to the stubborn male's mouth and he began to slowly eat his food.

You fed him before you fed yourself. And when everybody was finished for dinner there was almost nothing left for you. It didn’t bother you though. But it bothers Bakugou. He began thinking ‘I wished I hadn't eaten so much. I wanted her to have everything she needed.’ "You were good at dinner Bakugou. You can let him go b/n. We are going to negotiate. Bring everybody inside." The boy rolled his eyes and let Bakugou go and brought everybody inside the small cabin. "So how much are you willing to pay for the sword?" "I never asked your name?" "_____. I ask again how much?" "_____ this sword was given to me by my father as a gift. He died a couple of months ago due to old age and not taking care of his body. I couldn't put a price on it." "Do you or do you not want it back?" "You don't seem to care it's a gift from my father?" "Why should I? We live in free territory land, a trading stop for all kingdoms we are ruled by no one. He wasn't my king. And parents have little value to me. Mine gave me up, only people to ever care about me are those kids and myself." "How about a deal for the sword?" "A deal? I just want money." You stated bluntly. "I want to marry you." "What?" "You can be the queen of my land, rule with me, have everything you want. The brats can come too. I think they could grow on me." He was down on one knee holding your hand. He looked up at you to see you blushing. "Why me? I'm just some commoner and I'm sure there are Princesses that are a better candidate-" Katsuki placed his lips on you gently. "Have you ever met a Princess?" He laughed. "You think I would want to marry that type of girl?" "You would probably kill the Princess you marry." "Haha. Then let's go tell the troops we're leaving."

“b/n are you sure it's working?" His sister asked him. "Yes, I use it all the time when _____ is talking about new places to steal. Now hush." He was still connected to the plant life around the cabin and could listen to what was going on. "I want to marry you." "What?" "You can be the queen of my land, rule with me, have everything you want. The brats can come too. I think they could grow on me." "Have you ever met a Princess?" there was a slight chuckle. "You think I would want to marry that type of girl?" "You would probably kill the Princess you marry." "Haha. Then let's go tell the troops we're leaving." "We are moving to the castle!" He screamed in excitement. "Damnit! b/n I was going to tell you that. Stop listening in that is very rude." _____ scolded him again. "Sorry. Couldn't help it." "You are going to marry this hot head?" Kirishima said. "Watch it Shitty Hair." The king warned. "Thank you, Thank you so much. That means he does have a heart in there somewhere." He was on his knees sobbing to _____. "Pull yourself together Dumbass."

The group arrived back at the castle with _____ and all of ‘her brats’ as Katsuki put it. "Mother I found a bride!" "Yeah right what wench did you pay to set this thing off for a year before you actually marry her?" "_____ my love please come in." You walked into the throne room and your siblings trailing behind you with Kirishima. "Katsuki she is beautiful...Wait what's with the brats?" "They are my siblings, your majesty. We were orphans and I took them in and provided for them myself." "How so?" "Permanently borrowing things and selling them for a profit." "You don't need to make it sound fancy _____. She stole and threaten merchants to give her a profit after they sold it." Bakugou said bluntly. "Ha, yeah that's what I did. It was easy with cocky men like Katsuki over here." "I'm not cocky!" "Yes, you are." You and his mother said at the same time. You two looked at each other and laughed. "Don't you dare laugh at my expanse you Hag!" "Katsuki don't raise your voice at your mother that is very rude." "She is your wife. Quick Kirishima get the priest." "Hag, I want her to have a grand wedding and everybody to be invited. In every kingdom. Even dumbass Icy-Hot's kingdom.” He held you close to my waist and dipped her down and this time he planted a forceful kiss upon you. You went weak in the knees and fell right into Bakugou. He picked you up and rushed you out of the throne room. "Kirishima, show the brats the castle. We will be back down tomorrow morning." He smiled seductively at you. "Katsuki! Not in front of the kids and isn't against royal rules to be with your betrothed before your wedding day?" "You are looking at the royal rule-breaker here, my little thief. Besides you have to be punished for stealing my property. You have to please your King."

[holylulusworld]

The third man (2) - The brand-new toy

Summary: You and Bucky rule the underworld of the whole of New York, always grasping for more. When your eyes land on a brand-new toy, you can’t resist. Will the golden boy, New York’s highly decorated Detective fall for you and the games you play?

Pairing: Mobster!Bucky x Mobster!Reader, Cop!Steve x Mobster!Reader, possible Mobster!Bucky x Mobster!Reader x Cop!Steve

Characters: Tony Stark 

Warnings: angst, mobster business, illegal activities, foul language, seduction, lies, smut, unprotected sex, mentions of sexual intercourse (implied), voyeurism, jealousy, masturbation

A/N: Please be aware this series has nothing to do with the movie “the third man”. The title will make sense in later chapters. 😉

A/N2: Divider by @firefly-graphics

“What did Tony bear say?” Giggling you run your foot over Bucky’s chest, a dirty grin on your lips when he grabs your foot to suckle at your toes.

Water splashes out of the bathtub, but you don’t care. Not when your husband rubs around your bundle of nerves. “Bucky…god, you are insatiable…”

“Only with you, doll. Now back to business…” Disappointed you purse your lips when Bucky tries to talk to you about business instead of fucking you.

“No! I want to ride you while you tell me everything Tony said. Be my good husband and I’ll let you do the thing with thing you like so much.” Snickering you straddle Bucky’s lap. “Look who’s hard for his wife.”

His hands press against your lower back, just resting them there while you raise your hips to line his cock up with your entrance. “Baby doll, don’t make me go crazy…”

“Would never dream off doing so.” Being the devil in disguise again you painfully slowly sink down his length. “Feels so good Buck’, maybe I forget about Rogers?”

“No, you won’t, dirty girl. In a week you’ll beg me to help you corrupt the poor guy. I bet he will be putty in your greedy hands.” You rock your hips slowly, savoring the way Bucky fills you perfectly.

“You’re still the best…” Moans fill the room, along with the sound of water splashing out of the bathtub when you move faster on top of your husband. “The only one holding my heart…”

“I know you want Rogers but be careful this time. Rumlow was easy to get rid of. He was a small-town gangster.” Humming you wrap your arms around Bucky’s neck to hold tight onto him when your husband starts to fuck up into you.

“Oh-right there, baby. Don’t stop…don’t…fuck…fuck…” Your teeth sink into your lower lip feeling your high ripple through your body. “Love it when you cum inside of me.”

“Love to cum inside of you…” You peck his neck, just holding Bucky pressed to your body. “Love you…”

“Love you too. It’s just... Why can’t I stop playing?” Bucky falls silent before he clears his throat.

“We are kinky?” Your husband offers and you nod silently. “I don’t know, doll. It makes me go crazy seeing someone else touch you but at the same time, it makes me rock-hard. Do you want to fuck Rogers or just play with him?”

“Rumlow was a toy to play with and Tony, well he was fun for a while and a great investment. He’s still my Tony bear.” Laughing Bucky presses his lips to your neck. “I only love you, Buck…”

“I know you do, doll.” For a while, you just stay like that. Tangled in each other you let the minutes tick by. “Tony said Rogers believes I hurt you. He also said we can play with Steve, but not harm him.”

“I don’t want to harm him, Bucky. He’s just so shiny and new. I want to make him dirty and rotten. When I am done with him, he’ll yearn for me in a way Stevie will never understand.” Bucky loves your evil way to get what you want.

“You didn’t hurt Tony. He’s a cop too, Y/N.”

“Tony was never a problem, baby. He’s hopelessly in love with my cunt. One snap of my fingers and he is my good boy…and yours…” Bucky smirks, remembering Tony’s submissive side.

“Tony is reliable, not a liability as Brock was. That drooling bastard never knew his place.” Hissing at your failure’s name you look at your husband.

“It was my fault, Bucky. I was the one choosing the wrong guy. He was my first after we had fun with Wanda.”

You still remember the wild nights with Wanda and Natasha. It was a natural connection drawing you to them. “Pity they married and want an ‘ordinary’ life…”

“I missed them too…especially the thing they did with you when I was only allowed to watch,” Bucky smirks when you start to squirm in his lap. “I enjoyed it, tho.”

“I did too, baby. Now, tell me about Tony and his weekly report.”

“Looks good. The clubs are still profitable and the deal with Thor went smooth. Still, I miss Loki and his bad jokes.”

Poking Bucky’s biceps you give him a dirty grin. “I mean, he was a snake, but reliable. A pity Rogers brought him down six months ago.” Glancing at the papers in Bucky’s hands you sigh.

“You hated Loki. Thor is the better partner and not interested in killing us. Loki was always one step from shooting you, Bucky.” Nodding your husband closes the folder.

“Tony likes Rogers. I don’t know if we should involve him with your game this time. What if Tony decides your cute ass ain’t worth Roger's downfall?” For the first time, you worry about your plan.

Tony was an easy prey. He always had a thing for you and Bucky. One thing led to another and you ended up in a ménage a Trois for a while until you decided he’s better off with Pepper Potts.

“Let me sleep about it, baby. Maybe you are right, and Tony won’t keep his mouth shut but I’d like to play with Rogers. Stevie looked like a kicked puppy when I left him.”

“Boss, do I have permission to investigate the club and Barnes activities? I don’t want to cross a line, but apparently, he’s hurting his wife.” Steve insists. “If I can get her on my side…”

Tony chuckles, not knowing how to explain that Bucky would never dare to lay a finger on you.

“Listen, that’s a game they play. Y/N Barnes may be a lot of things, but she’s no damsel in distress. She’s as dangerous as her husband. I highly recommend not to get involved with her. Whatever you believe you saw or heard, it’s untrue…”

Tony swallows thickly, remembering the way you wrapped him around your pinkie. “I made the same mistake, Rogers. I tried to save her only to fall for her lies. It’s too late for me to stop them, but you can still make it.”

“I don’t understand, Sir. You fell for her…oh-I get it.” Steve stammers realizing his boss was sinfully involved with you. “What about her husband?”

“You see…we got drunk, there was a whirlpool and…well…things happened. One thing led to another and…” Tony’s flushed face tells Steve there was more than a bit skinny dipping. “If you tell anyone what I said, you are fired.”

“Boss, your privacy is important to me. I would never do anything to damage your reputation.” Steve is not used to talking to his boss about sex, so he clears his throat and tries to change the subject. “You think she wants to do the same to me?”

“Oh-she does it good…so good. I never…” Tony groans, almost vibrating when he remembers the nights, he spent with you and Bucky. “Y/N is a force of nature. Wild, and dangerous. Unleashed she can rip you apart and put you back together…”

“I’ll pass, Sir.”

“Tony was silent today. I got the feeling he was hiding something from me.” Nipping at your drink you sigh deeply. “I think he’s no longer reliable, Bucky…”

“Why’d you say that? Didn’t he give you enough attention?” Your slap to his cheek stings, but Bucky knows, he deserved it.

“It’s not about giving me attention, James.” His full name leaving your lips stings even more. “You know, last time he was all cheery to see me instead of you, and today he dismissed me like I am a random bitch in heat…”

“What exactly makes you think your Tony bear is hiding shit from us?” Bucky slides his fingers over your thigh, a smirk on his lips. “Did he say something wrong?”

“It was rather the things he did not say, Buck. We talked about business, his engagement with Pepper, hell even the weather but not a single word about Steve Rogers. I think Tony is not on our side any longer.”

“He’s playing with fire then…” Leaning against the counter Bucky chews on a toothpick. You hate his habit but remain silent tonight. “If Stark is not on our side, he’s an enemy and we take enemies down.”

“We can’t, baby. If Tony told Rogers anything about our arrangement or what we did behind closed doors, he’ll go after us when Tony disappears or falls victim to an accident.”

You mirror Bucky’s posture, letting your eyes wander around the crowded club. “Speaking of the devil.”

“I thought he’s the golden boy, doll,” Bucky smirks, riling you up for fun. “Do you still want to play with him?”

Meeting your husband’s eyes, you shrug before you turn your attention toward your drink.

“I will let him come to me, baby. Anything else would make him suspiciously. It’s his decision to play with fire, not mine…”

Steve hides in the darkest corner to watch you and your husband. He can see Bucky’s hand trail down your back and wishes it was his. When Bucky places a soft kiss to your neck Steve imagines you whisper his name.

There is a dark side in Steve wanting to break through seeing you with your husband. Never before did he feel a stronger pull toward a woman, another man’s girl.

“Anything I can do for you?” Liliane purrs but Steve dismisses her with a wave of his hand. Only taking the drink the waitress brought he trains his eyes on Bucky who slides his fingers over your exposed thigh.

Moments later you leave the crowded room to rush toward your husband’s office. Steve almost drops his drink to follow you close behind, forgetting you could see him.

Your mouth seals Bucky’s in front of his office and Steve can feel his pants tighten watching you palm your husband’s cock.

“Fuck me, baby. Please…I need you.” Your needy voice let a choked groan escape Steve’s throat as he must watch you push your husband into his office only to slam the door shut.

A heartbeat later you moan Bucky’s name and to his shame, Steve walks toward the office to press his ear to the door. He’s grasping the door handle, silently opening the door.

Throat dry Steve looks at the scene, not missing the way you react to your husband’s touch. Now he knows what Tony was talking about. He’s mesmerized by the beauty of your bodies moving in sync.

Bucky moans your name, gripping your thighs tightly as you slide your fingers through his hair. Your legs wrap around your husband’s waist and you are too lost in pleasure to recognize the man watching you and Bucky with darkened eyes.

Moan, grunts and the sound of your bodies collide fill the office. Eyes closed shut you cry out with every hard thrust while Bucky urges you on to come for him. “I love you, doll. No one else can have you…”

“Yours…only yours…” Right at that moment, you mean it as you always do. You play with other people, but your heart, body, and soul only belong to Bucky, your sworn partner in crime. “I love you…”

Steve silently closes the door, knowing he’ll never forget the way you writhed underneath your husband. He’s pressing his forehead and palm against the door when a cry of pleasure erupts from your throat.

“Let’s forget about that guy, Rogers. We don’t need him, baby. I only want to feel you buried inside of me. No more fooling around. It was nice to imagine having him but I don’t think he wants me enough to stay…”

“He’s a fool…” Bucky moans your name, shuddering as his high makes him buck into you repeatedly. “We could’ve given him the world…you…”

The cold shower doesn’t help to wash away the shame and the need Steve feels. His hand harshly fists his cock, imagining it’s you touch him the way he wants to.

For the first time in his life, Steve is losing control over his emotions and he doesn’t know if you will become his toy or the other way around…

[aion-rsa]

Star Trek Villains Who Actually Had a Point

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This article contains spoilers for various parts of the Star Trek franchise.

Last fall, airing just a few weeks apart, both Star Trek and Star Wars debuted season premieres of new streaming TV episodes in which the heroes of each show had to fight a giant, legless worm-monster. In Star Trek: Discovery’s “That Hope Is You Part 1,” it was the deadly Tranceworm, while The Mandalorian’s “Chapter 9: The Marshall” had the murderous Krayt Dragon. The differences between the Final Frontier and the Faraway Galaxy could not have been made clearer by these dueling beasts: in Mando, the plot involved killing the monster by blowing up its guts from the inside, while in Disco, Book taught Michael Burnham how to make friends with it.

The Trek universe deals with the concept of evil a little differently than many of its famous genre competitors. There is no Lex Luthor of the Federation. Palpatine doesn’t haunt the planet Vulcan. The Klingons have no concept of “the devil.” (At least in The Original Series.) This isn’t to say Trek doesn’t have some very memorable Big Bads, it’s just that most of the time those villains tend to have some kind of sympathetic backstory. Even in the J.J. Abrams films! 

So, with that in mind, here’s a look at seven Star Trek villains who maybe weren’t all bad, and kind of, even in a twisted way, had a point…

Harry Mudd

In Star Trek: The Original Series, Harry Mudd was presented as a straight-up con-man, a dude who seemed to be okay with profiting from prostitution (in “Mudd’s Women”) and was also down with marooning the entire crew of the Enterprise on a random planet (in “I, Mudd”). He’s not a good person. Not even close. But, he does make a pretty could case against Starfleet’s lack of planning. In the Discovery episode “Choose Your Pain,” Mudd accuses Starfleet of starting the war with the Klingons, and, as a result, putting the larger population of the galaxy at risk. “I sure as hell understand why the Klingons pushed back,” Mudd tells Ash Tyler. “Starfleet arrogance. Have you ever bothered to look out of your spaceships down at the little guys below? If you had, you’d realize that there’s a lot more of us down there than there are you up here, and we’re sick and tired of getting caught in your crossfire.”

Seska

At a glance, Seska seems pretty irredeemable. She joins the idealistic Maquis but is secretly a Cardassian spy. Once in the Delta Quadrant, she tries to screw Voyager as much as possible, mostly by hooking up with the Kazon. That said, Seska is also someone caught up in hopelessly sexist, male-dominated power structures and does what she has to do to gain freedom and power. The Cardassian military isn’t exactly enlightened nor kind, so the fact that Seska was recruited into the Obsidian Order in the first place certainly explains her deceptive conditioning. You could argue that Seska could have become a better person once she had Captain Janeway as an ally, but, the truth is, she was still a spy caught behind enemy lines, but suddenly without a government to report back to. So, Seska did what she had to do to survive, even lying to Chakotay about having his child. The thing is, again, outside of Starfleet, Seska is at the mercy of the sexist machinations of the Kazon, so again, she’s kind of using all the tools at her disposal to gain freedom. Had Voyager not gone to the Delta Quadrant, and Seska’s villainy may have been more clear-cut. But, once the reason for her espionage becomes moot, her situation gets more desperate, and, on some level, more understandable. 

Charlie Evans

In The Original Series, Kirk loves telling humans with god-like powers where to shove it. In “Where No Man Has Gone Before,” he phasers Gary Mitchell and buries him under a rock. But, in “Charlie X,” when teenager Charlie Evans also gets psionic powers, Kirk does a less-than-a-great job of being a good role model. For most of the episode, Kirk tries to avoid become Charlies’ surrogate parent, and when he does try, it results in an embarrassing overly macho wrestling match featuring those famous pink tights.

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Charlie was a deeply troubled human being, and there was no justification for him harassing the crew and Janice Rand in specific. But, angry, kids like Charlie have to be helped before it gets to this point. Kirk mostly tried to dodge the adult responsibility of teaching Charlie the ropes, and only when some friendly aliens arrived, did everyone breathe a sigh of relief. But, don’t get it twisted, those aliens are basically just social workers, doing the hard work Starfleet is incapable of.

The Borg Queen

Because the origin of the Borg Queen has dubious canonical origins, all we were told in Voyager is that she was assimilated as a child, just like Seven of Nine. As Hugh and Jean-Luc discuss in the Picard episode “The Impossible Box,” basically, everyone assimilated by the Borg, is, on some level, a victim. The Queen was never presented this way in either First Contact or Voyager, but, at one point, writers Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens had pitched a story for Enterprise which would have featured Alice Krige as a Starfleet medical technician who made contact with the Borg.

Because both Alice Krige and Susanna Thompson played the Borg Queen, it’s possible the backstories of each Queen is different and that maybe they aren’t the same character. Either way, assuming the Borg Queen retains some level of autonomy relative to other drones (likely?) then she’s pretty much making the best of a bad situation. In fact, at the point at which you concede the Borg are unstoppable, the Queen’s desire to let Picard retain some degree of his independence as Locutus could scan as a kind of mercy. The Borg Queen actually thinks she and the Borg are making things simpler for everyone. And with both Data and Picard, she tried to make that transition easier and, in her own perverse way, fun too.

Ossyra

Yes, we saw Ossyra feed her nephew to a Trance worm, and we also saw her try to kill literally everyone on the USS Discovery, including Michael Burnham. However, in the middle of all of that, Ossyra did try to actively make peace between the Emerald Chain and the Federation. And, most tellingly, it was her idea. Ossyra also pointed out one of the most hypocritical things about the United Federation of Planets: the fact that Starfleet and its government rely on capitalism without actively acknowledging it. Essentially, Ossyra was saying that the ideals of the Federation are great, but the Federation has all kinds of dirty little secrets it doesn’t want to talk about. In her meeting with Admiral Vance, pretty much everything she said about the Federation was true—and her treaty proposal was fair. 

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The only snag: she wouldn’t turn herself over as a war criminal. Considering the fact that the Federation made Mirror Georgiou into a Section 31 agent, despite her war crimes in another universe, this also seems hypocritical.  Why not just do the same thing with Ossyra? Tell everyone she’s going to prison for war crimes, but make her a Section 31 agent instead? Missed opportunity! 

Khan

Khan was genetically engineered by wacko-a-doodle scientists at the end of the 21st Century. At some point on Earth, he became a “prince” with “power over millions.” But, as Kirk notes in “Space Seed,” there were “no massacres” under Khan’s rule, and described him as the “best of the tyrants.” Kirk’s take on Khan in “Space Seed” is basically that Khan was an ethical megalomaniac. Most of what we see in “Space Seed” backs this up. Khan doesn’t actually want to kill the crew, and stops short of doing it when he thinks he can coerce them instead. His only focus is to gain freedom for himself and his exiled fellow-Augments. In the Kelvin Universe timeline, Khan’s motivations are similar. Into Darkness shows us a version of Khan who, again, is only cooperating with Section 31 because he wants freedom for his people. Sure, he’ll crush some skulls and crash some starships to get to that point, but in his dueling origin stories, Khan is, in both cases interested in freedom for his people, who, are by any definition, totally persecuted by the Federation.

Khan is still a criminal in any century. But, we only really think of him as a villain because he goes insane in between the “Space Seed” and The Wrath of Khan. The Khan of The Wrath is not the same person we met in “Space Seed.” As he tells Chekov, “Admiral Kirk never bothered to check on our progress.” Had Kirk sent a Starfleet ship to drop in on Khan and his “family” every once in awhile this whole thing could have been avoided. In the prime timeline, Khan goes nuts because Ceti Alpha VI explodes and nobody cares. In the Kelvin timeline, Admiral Marcus blackmails him. Considering that Khan is Star Trek’s most famous villain, it’s fascinating that there are a million different ways you can imagine him never getting as bad as he became. In “Space Seed,” he and Kirk basically part as friends. 

Q

In “Encounter at Farpoint,” Q accuses humanity of being “a savage child race.” And walks Jean-Luc Picard through the various atrocities committed by humanity, through the 21st Century. Picard kind of shrugs his shoulders and says, “we are what we are and we’re doing the best that we can.” When we talk about the philosophy of Star Trek, we tend to give more weight to Picard’s argument: the idea that by the 24th century, humanity has become much better, in general than it is now. But, the other side of the argument; that there’s a history of unspeakable violence and cruelty baked into the existence of humanity, is given less weight. We don’t really listen to Q when he’s putting humanity on trial, because we can’t see his point of view.

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But, because Q wasn’t a one-off character, and because he said “the trial never ends” in the TNG finale, he’s actually not really a villain at all. Q exists post-morality, as we can imagine it. His notions of ethics are far more complex (or less complex) than we can perceive. Q is one of those great Star Trek characters who is actually beyond reproach simply because we have no frame of reference for his experiences or point of view. In Voyager, we also learned that even among other members of the Q Continuum, Q was kinder, with a more humanitarian approach to what he might call “lesser” lifeforms. If Q is villainous, it’s because of our definitions of villainy. Of every Star Trek antagonist, Q is the best one, for the simple fact that he’s not a a villain at all. 

Which Star Trek villains do you think had a point? Let us know in the comments below.

The post Star Trek Villains Who Actually Had a Point appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[vagrantblvrd]

undercover battle buddies defecting to the fakes?

Lol, omg, yessss!

I feel I always go the route of whatever agency/organization Ryan and Jeremy worked for when the battle Buddies became a thing being ~evil/corrupt?

But I’m in a Shenanigans kind of mood in which nothing hurts. (Much.)

SO.

Let’s say these two assholes actually work for a decent agency/organization that isn’t out to derail governments for fun and profit/otherwise take over the world, okay.

They’re just out there doing their best to protect their country and protect innocents and all this other good stuff. (But then Ryan and Jeremy come along and their superiors and handlers and everyone else Suffers because dear God they’re such assholes. Also that whole thing with the Mutual Pining that drags on for years before they sort their shit out, but that’s a tale for another time.)

They Battle Buddy it up, and after a while their bosses figure out it’s smarter to hand the missions requiring anything like subtlety/stealth to anyone else in the agency/organization if they don’t want another Incident on their hands.

Which is great, because it means they get the missions that require summer blockbuster movie levels of pyrotechnics and demolitions and all-out chaos.

And then, IDK, the FIB comes to them with a Problem or something else has their agency/organization looking at Los Santos.

Rumors this new crew making waves in the city’s criminal underground is Up To Something involving Really Bad Stuff. (New designer drug that kills a good percentage of its users, or running guns that are more heavy artillery than what typically makes it way into the city,  or human trafficking or something vile and all that, because plot reasons demand it. Something to have their bosses rightfully Concerned.)

And then for whatever reason they decide their best bet to getting to the bottom of things is sending these two assholes in undercover?

Sets them up with vague-ish backstories that even the Battle Buddies can’t fuck up, you know? (God knows Ryan has a habit of forgetting code names during missions to everyone’s exasperation/exasperated fondness?)

Something about former spec ops or government agents who were betrayed by their superiors and had to fake their deaths and go into hiding ad had to create new identities for themselves to stay under the radar and so on. (“...are you trying to tell us something?” and “Huh. That’s not at all concerning.”)

ANYWAY.

The usual backstory I love to use for these assholes in the FAHC AU, only it’s something their bosses came up with to explain their presence in Los Santos. Just another set of mercs with a Tragic Backstory looking to make a few bucks.

They run around for a bit, a few months working for small-time crews and so on, working on building up their reputations and all that fun stuff.

Problem is, it’s boring.

They don’t get to blow shit up anywhere near as much as they used to and whatever jobs they hired to do don’t need a lot of brainpower.

Ryan starts it, this slow decent into madness and fashion-related atrocities with the damn mask he picks up one day, right?

Shrugs when Jeremy asks what the deal is and makes up some story about this vicious killer he’s supposed to be wanting to keep his identity a mystery or some other BS and Jeremy is like “Okay, buddy,” like he’s not the one to suggest the face paint later on as a joke. (Forgot that this was Ryan he was talking to with that theater background and stubborn as hell and just kind of an idiot? But whatever. Ryan makes it work.)

Not to be outdone Jeremy pieces together Rimmy Tim over a few months. Kind of passive-aggressive about it when Ryan pulls a stupid stunt that almost gets him killed.

Sees a cowboy hat in a store window as he’s walking past because Ryan was all “I don’t see what the problem is,” and “It worked” and “You worry too much” and it was either go out for a bit to cool down or implode from his worry-fueled anger. (The rest follows after, to Ryan’s confusion/fear/disgust until Rimmy Tim is just as well-known as the Vagabond and their bosses and handlers are just like “What have we done,” setting these assholes loose on Los Santos the way they have, because seriously.)

A few months later and the Fakes go to them for a job because they’ve heard about these mercenaries and need the extra muscle.

There’s the whole Thing where Ryan is very Vagabond at them and Jeremy is very Rimmy Tim and the others are like, “Well, alright” because God knows they’re not exactly normal themselves, you know? What’s a couple more weirdos in the mix?

Crime-related shenanigans in which Ryan and Jeremy realize pretty quickly on the Fakes aren’t the ones behind all the Bad Stuff coming into Los Santos.

Like.

They’re assholes, but not that kind of assholes?

Also, they’re kind of going after all these other gangs and crews and whatever else’s that have been plaguing the city for years. Real assholes involved in Bad Stuff they’ve managed to get away with time and time again.

Ryan and Jeremy are just ~subtle with the whole “Why go after these assholes?” line of questioning, and get blank looks.

Because look, okay.

They have standards, and those assholes were bringing the city down, but before the Battle Buddies get the wrong idea, think the Fakes are Good Guys or whatever? Those assholes also had territory the Fakes wanted, prime real estate for their own criminal ventures and shit. Nothing noble about it, so stop with those looks, assholes.

Anyway, anyway.

The crew(s) behind the Bad Stuff happen to be the Fake AH Crew’s main rival(s), and they’re engaged in what amounts to all-out warfare.

Once Ryan and Jeremy realize what’s what, they’re all for helping the Fakes out because it’s kind of why they’re in Los Santos to start with? And also they end up liking these assholes they’re working with.

A little too much, really, because once they take out the assholes behind the Bad Stuff once and for all, they don’t want to leave?

Got a little too attached to the crew and their life in Los Santos, you know?

Don’t feel that keen about going back to work for the agency/organization even if they were treated well there because it was starting to wear on them. (Came way too close to burning out there before their latest assignment and it’s. Yeah.)

There’s a whole Thing in which they do go back, because Duty and whatnot, but they’re not happy and it shows.

They do their job, but it’s obvious to their bosses/handlers something is off with them. At first they think it’s related to the Los Santos assignment, but for the wrong reasons? Think having to pose as criminals and all that wasn’t the best idea and they’re having problems readjusting. (Which to be fair, they are, but again not for the reasons they’re thinking.)

This goes on for a while, until there’s another Situation in Los Santos, right? One that has Agent 14 going to the Battle Buddies because whatever the Situation is, it’s something that no one can know the IAA or whoever he works for was involved.

Somehow, Ryan and Jeremy have become the sekrit agent/operative/spy experts on Los Santos and the criminal element there given their time undercover there. Agent 14 goes to them asking how viable approaching the Fakes for help with the Situation would be and that -

Look.

They really like the Fakes, okay. Got along a little too well with them and their chaos and miss it a whole hell of a lot. (Kindred spirits and all that.)

To say they’re not pleased about Agent 14 and his bosses wanting to use the Fakes to fix their own mistakes would be an understatement. (They know how assholes like Agent 14 and his bosses work, okay. Know how incredibly lucky they’ve been to work for an agency/organization that gives a damn about them beyond how useful they are.)

So.

They manage to pull strings, call in favors whatever to make sure if/when Agent 14 does go to the Fakes Ryan and Jeremy go too.

(This is the point where their bosses/handlers realize why the two of them have been acting so weird since the Los Santos assignment and why and are just, SIGH because of course these assholes would get attached to the Fakes.)

Anyway.

Agent 14 goes to make a deal with the Fakes, and around the time Geoff asks why the hell they’d want to agree to any of it, Ryan and Jeremy pop up, all, “Hey, guys” and “Long time, huh?” and also “So, there’s a funny story about all this,” and go through the whole Thing of them being government agents/operatives and waiting for the fallout.

(There has to be one, right? All this anger/resentment and so on from the Fakes about being lied to and they’re all “This is a terrible idea” but like hell are they going to let Agent 14 and his agency/organization use the Fakes and most likely try to arrest them whatever afterward, so yeah.)

But!

“I fucking knew it!” and “You owe me fifty bucks,” and so on because of course the Fakes knew they were government agents/operatives, you know?

Maybe not at first, but they had Gavin or Matt or whoever looking into the Battle Buddies – small inconsistencies beyond their cover stories that didn’t feel right and general paranoia and so on. Always ready for the two of them to turn around and betray them.

(Also, though. Trust being built when perfect opportunities came up for just that and Ryan and Jeremy let them slide on by and the two of them disappearing after everything without a peep. The long months/year after that without undue trouble from various law enforcement fronts. Maybe some of them ~scheming ways to find them and see what the hell was going on with them now, if they needed help or were just fine for themselves and so on, because crew is crew is crew.)

Ryan and Jeremy being Baffled because there’s less Accusation and such going on than expected?

Geoff going up to them without a glance at Agent 14 and asking them if he should trust the asshole, help the government with their problem.

And there’s this moment where the two of them have to think about it, because it’s a valid question, you know?

If it was their agency/organization, they wouldn’t have to think too hard. (They’re all for Doing the Right Thing, and sometimes that means bending the rules just so.)

But this is Agent 14 and his bosses and so they’re like.

No, because they sure as hell don’t trust the asshole, but the problem he and his agency/organization have isn’t something they can ignore.

So.

They just tell him they’ll be working with them on this too, implication that if Agent 14 and his people try to screw the Fakes over they’d have to go through the Battle Buddies and their agency/organization first, and that’s not a fight 14 and his people would win, you know?

Geoff is just, “Good to hear,” and then the whole Thing where the Battle Buddies show back up in Los Santos and they help the Fakes deal with Agent 14’s problem and all that.

It’s not exactly smooth sailing, because sure the Fakes knew they were government agents/operatives and all that? But it’s different knowing and acting like they didn’t and having it out in the open like this.

Don’t really expect to be betrayed by them, but it’s weird as hell for a little while.

But then there’s an attack or something in which Ryan and Jeremy are so much themselves – ridiculous everything while explosions and fire is happening that the crew is like, “Well okay then” because that at least is the same.

All of them figuring out how they fit together as a crew (family) now and working out whatever lingering issues remain from all that.

And then!

When it’s all over and everyone expects Ryan and Jeremy to go back to their agency/organization, Agent 14 pops up all, “You know...” and makes a little suggestion for Ryan and Jeremy to take back to their usual lives about how handy it was having an asset like the Fakes available to them?

Like.

Really, really useful and all. Could be worth looking into, in case other Situations arise in the future?

And of course they think about it, because Agent 14’s not wrong.

Still.

Not likely to happen, so they go back to their agency/organization and go on missions and try to pretend they’re doing Just Fine.

Their bosses, though.

Get a visit from Agent 14 and his bosses, or just find a proposal from them regarding the Fakes and what a valuable asset they’ve proven to be. (And, you know. It could be a smart investment on their part to have liaisons and all that, in case of future Situations and do Ryan and Jeremy’s bosses have any suggestions for that spot???)

There’s a Thing where the agencies/organizations Plot because it’s not a bad idea at all. Is actually one of the better ones they’ve ever had, just need to iron out some details and all that before they make it a reality.

And then they do, because of course they do.

Call Ryan and Jeremy in for a meeting that has the two of them wary as hell. (Generally speaking, it’s not a good sign when it happens.)

They’re braced for some deeply unpleasant assignment and just kind of ??? at their bosses/handlers and Agent 14 and his bosses as they explain this new assignment they’re being given.

Because it all sounds too good to be true? Acting as liaisons between the Fakes and the agencies/organizations and all that.

Get to do whatever (within reason) until a Situation crops up, and then they’re expected to get the Fakes on board.

(Agent 14’s people seem to think it’s more of an OR ELSE kind of agreement, while their own people are just pls don’t make us regret this you assholes because they know how Ryan and Jeremy work and this is a Terrible Idea but what else can they do? Agent 14 is just kind of amused because like Ryan and Jeremy, he’s actually met the Fakes and kind of likes them, so yeah.)

ANYWAY.

Ryan and Jeremy get to go back to Los Santos and the Fakes who are assholes, sure, but are far from being the worst thing to ever happen to Los Santos. (Do a lot of good, actually, and pretend they don’t because ~hardcore criminal types who are Totally Ruthless and all that.)

Their agency/organization continues to Suffer because now they have this whole crew to worry about aside from their two idiot agents. (And vice versa, with a whole lot of commiserating going on between Geoff and B-Team and the government agency/organization and if the public ever found out it’d be a nightmare? But whatever, nothing worse than what the Battle Buddies have caused for them before.)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[popculturebuffet]

Animation Reviews:Star Vs: Mr.Candle Cares

Tom is back! Yeah I know this took about a month, with the pride month reviews and life being kind of chaotic, I put these next two tom reviews on the back burner, even doing another star review in the meantime for Father’s Day. But with Pride Month winding down and our next episode up being gaytatstic, it was time to come back. It’s just a shame it had to be this one.  We’re in Season 2 now, and early in it, with this being only the third episode and the first to not involve the main plot, as the first two dealt with the fallout of the first season finale, and set up some of the main conflicts for the season. I WILL cover those arcs eventually and recap parts of them if necessary but for now they have zero impact on what happens here. That being said just because it dosen’t tie into the main arc with Ludo and Toffee-Wand, dosen’t mean it’s not important, as this episode both marks a major turning point for tom and also digs into the recurring theme for the next two seasons of star grappling with her responsiblities.. in this case future ones. We also get a peak into her mom’s personality. So with not much exposition to cover, I will see you under the cut.. please?

We open at school and it’s career day, something my school didn’t have for whatever reason, but is a common thing as new Gudiance Counsler mr candle has so far been giving everyone really great advice that fits what they want. Star is eager to have her turn and soon does.  Inside the office Star is offered Candy, which she politley refuses before we find out, unsuprisingly, Star thinks he’s a fourtune teller. A great bit. The mood quickly drops deep into the basement when Candle hammers into star that her destiny is to be queen and it’s carved in stone despite what other plans she may have. THen things get.. a bit creepy with Mr.Candle asking if Star’s dating marco and when she says no and that i’d be weird to date given they live together he urges her to start thinking about her future husband.  And yes I’m aware Tom probably wrote his script, and Tom knows about as much about school as star Does or else Mr Candle would’ve been suspended, at least for this, it’s still unnerving to hear a grown man not only before this tell a teenager she has no choice in her future, but then try and set her up with an unstable teenager in the creepiest way possible and somehow not get fired. It’s hard to watch Star leaves depressed and it’s marco’s turn.. and once again Mr.Candle proves to be a pretty terrible minon, suggesting Marco be a janitor on garbage island. Now as probably isn’t a shock to you given most of you have probably seen this ep, and we’ll find out in a minute anyway, Tom is behind this: trying to keep star and marco apart and get her back with him. And while parts of this do stink of Tom’s own lack of understanding of star, more on that later, and hatred of Marco, as well as not getting earth, as we’ve seen Mr.Candle is actually godo at his job and we see a bit of a real session that’s not part of an emo’s poorly thought out scheme that proves it. He could EASILY manipulate both, or at least try to with marco, but instead just goes along with a script written by a teenager that instead makes one of his targets depressed and the other instantly ready to tell him off or , had Candle been less lucky, go to the principal with this. Now granted this level of gross incompence is another day at echo creek, but it just dosen’t work. I don’t buy that tom couldn’t of found someone more competent with the giant amoutns of money he has to throw around. Then again Tom is really bad at evil when you think about it: I mean sure he can throw hands, as we’ll see in later episodes, but his evil schemes are poorly thought out at best and i’m certain if he had stayed a bad guy after this episode, he would’ve dropped to just proposing to star every time he sees her like teddy from brooklyn nine nine. 

So naturally Marco and Star talk about this with Star really depressed about seemingly being trapped becoming queen, while Marco gushes about how great being queen would be from his perspective... including never having to pick out clothes, fair enough, and never having people not like you, which is depressing. Poor boy. I missed this Marco: Awkward, insecure, but likeable. and also very much possibly gender fluid. Why they threw that out i’ll never know, but it’s canon for me now at least.  Anyways, Marco decides to confront candle int he bathroom because why not. It’s not any more awkward than Candle trying to convince star to make out with tom without saying tom’s name. But yeah as I let out of the bag early above, Marco finds Candle talking to tom via the toilet, and tom is livid he didn’t mention his name, while Candle insists he’s working on it and that Starco, and he uses that word exactly to Marco’s confusion and my delight as I do like when writers latch on to fan terms and poke a bit of fun at them, is platonic. Tom tells him to be sure and Mr Candle dismises him. Before tom can get too mad about this, Candle reveals i’ts becaue he has to pee and tom insists he flushes first. A really great gag.  So to try and compete with tom and candle for dumbest person this episode, Marco has his own stupid plan: Brag about being “smooch buddiess” with star to piss him off.  I assume the next two steps are ???? and profit. I”d also like to note for those unaware that this clip was used in the promo and assumed it was a love spell or some sort of altered mind thing, as it was way too early in the series for them to get together, and smacked of “let’s bait the shippers and hope they don’t get too pissed”. Given I did ship them at the time, it was massively annoying knowing this was obviously out of context, but it’s better than when I watched avatar first run and any hint of kataang was played up and an entire fucking episode was dedicated to fucking with shippers heads. I really need to rewatch avatar on netflix I have NOOOO excuse. Anyways naturlaly the obvious happened; A pissed off tom, who Need I remind you last time nearly killed marco and only didn’t because star used freeze dry and it was super effective, who drags marco away to a tourture wheel. Meanwhile, Star goes to her mom for support. So I get to talk about Moon: Star’s distant mother who’s her exact oppsite: strict, stone faced and in control at all times. And she does LOVE her daughter and get some development later on, but it still dosen’t change her core and she still has real issues actually listening to star that, like some of star’s own issues, she never really grows past. So natrually this goes about as well as trying to get a cat to do anything: She confirms star is kinda stuck inherting the throne before , in an oddly sad moment.. being genuinely confused when Star asks if she’s happy. It’s... a really good character moment to be honest, and sets up her character well now she’s being fleshed out better this season: Moon just.. really dosen’t care about herself or her own hapiness. I mean her marriage is , paradoxically, one of the only marriages in the mewni queenship that not only lasted but is very healthy, but otherwise she just dosen’t care. The kingdom comes first... and to me it comes from the later revlation she was orphaned around 15. She just spent most of her life putting the kingdom FIRST, just like she figured her mother would’ve and probably did, and putting her heart and soul intot hat. And thus she can’t really fahtom someone being SCARED of all that responsiblity and drudgery when for her, it was just a fact she had to accept at star’s age. She probably woudl never be happy but the kingdom’s what important. The thing is A) that’s deeply unhealthyt o begin with and B) it’s easier to accept something like that when you’ve lost your mom, your dad’s never been around and you have only one other person in your life supporting you. Star has LOTS Of other things to her life: friends, hobbies things moon never had a shot at. Not only that but Star’s lived her life iwth a mother who, rather than be supremley happy and beloved like moon’s own mother, seemd miserable, strict and a workaholic.. things star wants to avoid being. Their very strained relationshp probably isn’t helping this. Moon quickly leaves the conversation, but it instead just makes Star spiral further and decide to do something.. drastic.  Meanwhile in hell. 

Okay not that bad. Let’s try this agian meanwhile in hell. 

I said not THAT bad. Jesus. 

Close enough. So in hell, specifically Tom’s room. Marco admits he was just getting tom’s goat, which his goat skull objects to, and while Tom is oddly mad Marco lied marco actually gets to tom by countering he lied to star... which is true not just this time but last episode too. Tom relases marco from his pain wheel. 

And states that he can’t let him go, he knows too much etc etc, and challenges marco to a fight to the death, which marco acccepts.. inping pong. However tom is really great at ping pong and destroys him.  Back with star she’s gotten a great punk makeover. I do wish that star had a permanent outfit change at some point as her temporary looks are always great, and it woudln’t of killed them to do it in season 3 when they had to change over the intro anyway. Alas. She plans to do something drastic.. we’ll find out why in ab it. Back at ping point Marco challenges for double or nothing, despite tom having multiple paddles and him having none and the scorring demon begging him to stop. Tom obliges him, and the two.. actually start to bond. We’ll get way more of that next time. Btu the two bond over how star just tends to cheat, making up rules or changing them to win at the last minute, and how she just does what she wants.. and it’s then.. Marco FINALLY gets through to tom and points out the obvious: Star won’t get back together with him unless it’s what Star wants and Tom gives a face that screams ‘my god what have I done” realizing both how hew’s screwed up and how for now at least, he may never get her back and no amount of scheming will fix it. It’s a great character moment: Tom finally realizes that he can’t just.. MAKE star love him. You can’t MAKE someone love you, they have to want it too. And star dosen’t want him right now and his stalking is only hurting her.  It’s here Tom turns a corner. This episode was his lowest moment for sure, as while the blood moon ball scheme was sleazy, trying to make her love him via a magic moon thing was creepy, it wasn’t horribly intentioned and while I do think tom knew it’dmake her love him again I don’t think he knew the full extent of the moon’s magic or how it’d tear her apart inside if she say loved someone else, as ended up happening since it didn’t let her let go of her feelings for marco while with tom himself. Here he knows what he’s doing is wrong,  as Marco’s comment makes clear, but is so desperate he’s gone with an insane, dumb and really creepy and manipulative scheme. He TRIED being nice, that didns’t work so he probably felt he had to get more creative and more manipulative... i’ts just he didn’t realize while he LOVES being Royalty, star hates it. While Tom’s parents, who we’ll get into more in a review or two, were loving and supportive, even if his dad may not have been at this stage again we’ll get to his parents when they show up, are fully loving and supportive star’s are loving.. but one of them as we saw just dosen’t GET HER. So while to tom the crown is a great thing to star it’s not so mucha nd given he has trouble with empathy, Tom simplyc an’t understand how much he hurt her until marco spells it out for him And it isn’t just in the text either; As I said in the previous tom review, the writers clearly weren’t wure which way to go with tom, so this episode was the turning point: would tom get worse and become star’s enemy fully.. or would he do the unexpected, at the time anyway, and truly try to change and become another loveable member of her inner circle? And honestly.. I feel they made the right decision. Tom really dosen’t fit into the mewman oppresion cycle as neatlya s the other antagonists who are either the opressors or the result of them. He’s a privlaged kid on the outside of it, as , again , i’ll dig into more in the future. And the show kind of.. outgrew recurring antagonists by season 3. They had a few set up this season, but most either faded away or went all the way up to big bad, and I feel the writers realized that tom just.. didn’t work as that and worked better as a kid struggling with being better than as an incel douchebag antagonist. And given he’s one of the two things that helped prop the show up during it’s worse moments in the latter half, it was the right call and the reason i’m doing this arc at all.  Anyways Tom and Marco head back to the diaz house where Star.. has a mermaid and is complteplating chopping off her tail so she can legally never become queen... yeah I meant what I said when I said drastic. Tom however reveals his deception, and .. genuinely apologizes, another sign of growth, letting star go for now. He does get a WELLLLL earned slap, as I said his actions this episode were the lowest he’d sink and still really creeptastic.. but accepts his apology after that, appricating that he at least apologized and grew a bit.  Star, while now not going to disfigure someone to save herself, I mean that sort of thinking did give us the doom patrol but still, is still bummed about being queen when Marco, in a good bit of ship tease back when this ship wasn’t in my nightmares, tells her that yeah she’s stuck being queen.. but tid osen’t mean she has to be miserable. Don’t do it like moon, do it like you. They hug, and Tom, in another great bit of growth, just smiles and heads off, letting them have this moment and letting star go.  We get one final scnee where candle bails on local alpha bitch britney after tom recalls him which sends her into a depressive spiral later in the series. Ha ha... why did they bring this character back for Season 4?  Final Thoughts:  This episode is the queen of mixed bags. Seriously on one hand there IS some really damn good character stuff, with Star confronted with the hard truth of her becoming queen and begining this and next season’s theme of star building up to her future, and Tom going from 1 and a half dimensoinal douchey stalker to the complex and relatable character he’d become in future episodes. However the good is smothered like bad.. just like smokey the bear had to smother his joint before each PSA. Like “Red Action to the Future: over in my OK KO reviews, it feels like wasted potetial: the idea of both Star and Marco rexamining their future and Star being confronted with having a fixed path and trying to avoid becoming queen are great.. it’s just Star ends up being a supporting player in the episode, and I feel it would’ve been better if moon had been forced to deal with the effect of her words on her daughter, as she’s gone after her scene and what she nearly caused star to do never has any effect. And Mr.Candle is just an.. awful character. Incompitent, even if parts of that are on tom, unfunny, kinda creepy.. ther’es just nothing really enjoyable about him and it makes the first  few minutes a slog as he gaslights two teenagers for money and we never learn just what the hell he is or what his deal is. He just drags the episode down.  Really whiel i’ts not TERRIBLE like some of the series worst episodes (Lint Catcher, Stump Day, Marco Jr, Mama Star), it just feels like it could’ve been better paced or made a half hour so star and moon could have more of a plot.  If you enjoyed this you know the dril; like, reblog etc and if there’s a star or other animated show or movie you want me to review , just shoot me a suggestion or comission it outright for 3 bucks! I’ll get back to tom this weekend hopefully with freindenimeis and hopefully get to my last two reviews before pride lets up. Until we meet again, later days.