#god i love the relations between everyone in this novel. really good

[arytha]

Yun Yifeng sat cross-legged on top of the pile of gold and thoroughly looked through the storage register, "A jar with paintings of magpies perched on branches, it sounds auspicious, can I have it?"

Ji Yanran didn't know whether to laugh or cry "After spending such a long time picking, you want that jar?"

Yun Yifeng looked at him innocently, "I can't have it?"

Ji Yanran: "....."

Ji Yanran replied, "You can."

His Highness Prince Xiao rolled up his sleeves and personally carried the jar out to the cart. Eunuch Desheng hurried over to lend a hand.

Satisfied, Yun Yifeng continued flipping through the storage register.

As for the Feng Qi Wu, Eunuch Desheng reported back to Li Jing in the evening, "Sect Master Yun loved it the moment he laid his eyes on it, so he sat down and played a tune on it on the spot. It sounded extremely out of tune and terrible, it was almost as bad as the sound of sawing of firewood. The song that was played was also extremely long, His Highness's face went pale after listening to it. In the end, they didn't take it away and left it in the treasury."

Li Jing smiled and said, "Where did Yanran find such a friend?"

The emperor's guqin saved from the clutches of the feng yu sect 👍

[gloriousburden]

A few types of MCU Loki fans I’ve encountered/noticed being in the fandom for over three years now:

DISCLAIMER: DON’T TAKE THIS TOO SERIOUSLY PLEASEEEE IT’S LIGHTHEARTED!! Some of these things apply to me as well, and some don’t lol. Doesn’t necessarily apply to everyone it’s all just for giggles.

The Lokius shipper Series Fan:

- Usually younger Gen Z. Can be anywhere from 14 to 23 years old. They’re younger teenagers most of the time.

- Heavily on TikTok but also on Pinterest/Twitter.

- Got into the MCU/Loki more recently. Either from the Series, or from Ragnarok.

- For some reason, wholeheartedly believes that one Tumblr post from like ten years ago that states Loki is 16/17 in human years. Even though that’s not canon at all and it does not work like that.

- Favorite depiction of Loki tends to be the Variant/Ragnarok. Sometimes Avengers.

- Almost ALWAYS a fan of Good Omens or OFMD.

- Obviously… Ships Lokius.

- Very anti Sylvie/Sylki, but LOVES Mobius.

- EXTREMELY anti Thorki, even though not a lot of people ship them anymore.

- Spreads a lot of misinformation. Such as taking the fact that Marvel confirmed that the Scepter influenced Loki, and mistaking that with them 100% confirming the theory of Loki being brainwashed by Thanos.

- Thinks Loki’s eyes are green???

- Newer to fandom in general.

- Doesn’t talk a whole lot about the series outside of the ships/fanon discourse.

- Making Loki tree/Yggdrasil jokes CONSTANTLY.

- Either thinks that Loki before the series was completely evil, or an angel. No in between.

- “For you, for all of us 🥺” / “Your savior is here!”

- Often forgets/doesn’t remember the fact that Loki/OG Loki are two different characters, and groups them together.

- Either a Swiftie who likes to constantly joke about when Taylor and Tom dated for 3 months like 8 years ago and also associates a lot of her Songs/Lyrics with Loki, or is someone who has a bit more of an Alternative taste in Music/Fashion.

- Doesn’t really talk about Thor that much, or really wants him and Loki to reunite.

- They’ve probably seen other movies including Tom like Crimson Peak, Skull Island, and High Rise. The more popular ones.

- Owns a lot of TVA related merch.

- “He’s not Odin’s son, or Laufey’s son… He’s Frigga’s son 🥺” or insists on calling Loki by “Laufeyson.”

- In Fanon, sort of treats Loki as a very normal, modern human, and not a god from an entirely different realm.

- Has either dropped the Series/their love of Loki a few months after the Series ended for the “next best thing”, or is currently still raving about all of it.

- Quite immature about other’s opinions/perspectives on Loki/or even people who ship the opposite ship from their own. This is mainly because they’re younger or because they really like their Fanon idea of Loki/Which ship should be Canon.

- Has some questionable headcanons/opinions of their own on Loki.

- Loves Frigga.

- Hates Odin.

The OG Loki fan who’s been a fan of him since 2011/2012, but is a bit more casual about his characterization:

- Usually a Millennial/in their late twenties or mid thirties. May even be in their fourties.

- Has been here for a good while, and saw just about every movie featuring him as well as other MCU movies in the theater when they first came out. Was probably a younger adult/older teenager when Avengers came out.

- Fanfic writer!!

- Favorite depiction of Loki tends to be Ragnarok, TDW, or Avengers.

- Mainly reside on Tumblr/AO3 but also on Twitter from time to time.

- “The Sun will shine on us again.” / “Love is a Dagger.”

- Some depict Loki in their Fanfics in a Smutty/BookTok YA Fantasy Novel style. Some in other ways. They also have a lot of fun with their Fics! So many AUs.

- They are carrying the Loki x Reader tag, I won’t lie. 🫡

- Doesn’t necessarily love the Series, but also doesn’t necessarily hate it. Does prefer the OG Loki they know and love over the Series and had a few disappointments with the Series, though.

- MAJOR Hiddlestoner. Some may like Tom more than they like Loki. Have watched his entire filmography and then some.

- A lot of them have really cool Loki related tattoos.

- Collects a lot of merch. Both from the Series, as well as more OG Loki merch. Also owns about fourty Tom magazines.

- Probably has met Tom/owns an autograph or something signed by him.

- Usually ships Loki with Sigyn, Jane, Tony, or an OC they’ve had since 2013. Honestly, I don’t personally see them that often anymore, but may ship Thorki. Does not really ship Lokius/Sylki whatsoever, or uses Sylvie as a bit of a self insert in Fics.

- Sometimes also a huge fan of Bucky/The Winter Soldier or Sebastian Stan. Associates Bucky and Loki a lot especially in Fics.

- Some are also fans of Star Wars who love Kylo Ren.

- Actually they like a lot of other morally grey characters.

- Probably has a pet named after Loki.

- Feels deeply for Loki, and relates to him in certain ways. Really likes humanizing him in their fics. Loves the more vulnerable side of him.

- Loves Frigga.

- Hates Odin.

The Loki purist/“He’s literally me” Fan:

- Anywhere from 16 - 28 years old. May be a bit older than that. Usually Mid/Older Gen Z, or younger Millennial.

- Has either grown up loving Loki, or became a fan a bit more recently.

- Favorite depiction of Loki tends to be TDW, but obviously can be any of the three OG depictions of him.

- LIVES on Tumblr. A bit of an extinct species elsewhere, but some may also be on Twitter.

- #1 Loki defenders. Very protective of/sensitive about how he is depicted not only in Canon, but also in Fanon. Usually deemed as harsh by series fans/non series haters whenever they criticize the Series or Ragnarok, but in reality, deeply relates to Loki and takes it very personally when he is depicted inaccurately. They see themselves in him, and are so, so, SO tired of seeing him mischaracterized. But also can be genuinely harsh at times. I’ve been guilty of that.

- Either heavily believes the “Thanos Brainwashed Loki” theory, or completely rejects it.

- “I never wanted the Throne. I only ever wanted to be your Equal.” / “Trust my Rage.”

- Very creative. Creates Art of Loki, Fanfics, Edits, Cosplays him, etc…

- Sometimes weirdly resembles him in ways??? LOL. Taking “He’s literally me” literally

- Has a more Alternative taste in Music, Fashion, Aesthetics, etc..

- They either see Loki as their bff, their life partner, or as an enigma to observe. Or all of the above.

- Pretty into Norse Myth, and likes incorporating aspects of it creatively, or when talking about Loki.

- Has a good amount of Fandom experience, and does not tend to argue with other Loki purists/OG Loki fans over petty things. Because at the end of the day… it’s just Tumblr. And we usually all have a common middle ground. Or, is constantly arguing with others.

- They don’t really ship Loki with anyone, but if they do… it’s usually Sigyn or Thor. Or someone really random.

- Either really enjoys depicting Loki in a more Feminine/Neutral form, and wishes his fluidity was depicted in the MCU, or doesn’t talk about it all that much.

- Single handedly keeping the memory of Loki (prior to Ragnarok) alive. 🫡

- Loves the comics, or hasn’t touched a single one.

- Disliked Taika Waititi before it was cool.

- Lost complete trust in the MCU after the handling of Loki’s characterization in Ragnarok, and had no hope in the Series when it was first announced. Or… really hoped it would be our last hope.

- Either deems Thor as the origin of all evil, or actually likes him.

- Wishes it was still 2013 everyday of their lives.

- Either respects/likes Tom to a certain extent, or really does not like him.

- Has a few really cool merch items, or has a lot of everything and anything they can find that doesn’t include Ragnarok/The series. Usually, they DIY their merch.

- Needs to emulate him at any given moment and in any way possible.

- Likes Frigga, but acknowledges that she has messed up in ways. Or really does not like her, period.

- Hates Odin.

The… Male MCU casual/dudebro who strictly lives on TikTok/Instagram/Twitter and did not really like Loki that much until the Series finale came out and thinks Loki is a Sigma Male who dropped everything in order for his friends and his… “Girl” to live:

- ????? Wtf

- Okay I added this one more as a joke because obviously they’re not Loki fans, but…

- Anywhere from ages 15, to 24. No older than that.

- Definitely disregarded Loki’s character before the Series. Also due to him having a fanbase where Women/Girls are the majority. Now Loki is the best MCU character and has the best arc out of everyone else. 🤦🏻‍♀️

- Wholeheartedly believes that Loki was a narcissist/was overreacting about everything he’s been through, or believes that Loki is an angel now because he had a “Redemption Arc”.

- Has never picked up a single Loki comic.

- Jokes a lot about Loki “loving” himself (Sylki kiss).

- Calls the Series “Peak Fiction” just because the rest of the bullshit the MCU has been putting out was absolute garbage, and also because they haven’t really watched anything else.

- If you as an actual Loki fan correct them on any of their bullshit, they act like they know more than you because they loved the series. How could anyone hate it?

- Makes self insert memes/tries to project onto Loki in the absolute worst ways possible.

- Worships the ground that Michael Waldron walks on. Though, they all hated Multiverse of Magic..

- “Let time pass…” / “I know what kind of god I have to be. For you, for all of us.” (Once again.)

- Similarly to our Lokius shipper Series Fans… they do not realize that Loki/the Variant are literally two different people.

- Loves Mobius JUST because he is portrayed by Owen Wilson.

- Also very annoying about Loki being confirmed bisexual in the Series.

- Really wants not only Thor and Loki to reunite, but also Hela.

- Hated the earlier Thor movies, loved Ragnarok, hated Love and Thunder.

- Probably thinks the treatment of Thor in Endgame was funny af.

- Who’s Frigga?

- Loves Odin probably. (Hehe)

[moonshere]

Another day another ISAT live posting, some more thoughts and potential spoilers

Man man man where to even BEGIN! God this game gets more and more heart wrenching by the minute!!

to be clear, I’m currently at Act 3 I think? I tried to help everyone all at once so I did one full run with no skips to get all the info I needed, and I couldn’t stop thinking about what every else’s pov of Siffrin is like. At the moment my Siffrin is over lvl 60, so he managed to one-shot a lot of the enemies.

How does it look to everyone else? Your friend, the cheeky, pun-loving, trap and puzzle master. Who’s known more for their speed, killing enemies faster than anyone else. And while exploring they don’t look around, they just take the keys in the correct order and manage to choose the correct path every single time.

I noticed that some interactions you can make your friends notice that you’re acting suspiciously. So far I only got Odile to comment on it (and get interrupted rip) and Isabeau to say they will talk later about it. But I’m REALLY hoping there’s a way to get Siffrin’s friends to actually confront him before a loop end so he can actually freaking open up!!!

On that note, I know that I’ve only been talking about Siffrin (I can’t help myself ajdbhsbs they’re my absolute fav and consume my every thought!) I ADORE all the other characters too!!!

Mirabelle is soooooo freaking cute!! (I’ll be honest her character design is one of the reasons that made me want to play the game aidhisns) I’m so so so happy that she’s someone who’s aroace and adores romantic novels!!! There really isn’t that many aroace characters out there, especially one I relate to. But her!!!! It made me so happy!! I loved the scene between her and Siffrin (and that they’re ALSO ace and maybe alloromantic?? Demi??? I’m still unsure haha) their friendship means everything to me!! I also love the subtle way they confirmed she has anxiety! I’m kinda half wondering where she used to live before the House of Change considering how much she talked about how the headmaiden taught her everything

Odile is also so cool!! Finding out that she was only looking for half of her heritage, trying to find somewhere she belongs was something I did not expect but expands so much on her character. At first I thought she was just gonna be the Adult of the group, wise, knows what she’s doing, distant and Too Cool. But this was genuinely so good cuz it showed that Odile is just as unsure as everyone else. Hell, she and Siffrin turned out to have so much in common!! Finding a place to belong but finding nothing but yourself. I loved it so much!

little Bonnie!! They are so stinking cute I would absolutely die for them!! I like how- in a turn on how kids in video games are always put in incredibly dangerous situations and adults let them just cuz they are determined to help- Bonnie is always the one the group wants to protect the most. Even though they wanna help (and they do!! Their heals are lifesaving frfr) it’s always within the limit of their own safety. I also loved their hang out, the hug was so sweet!! Seriously, if anything happened to them I would cry

And lastly Isabeau!! He's so sweet!! i love how much he looks out for Siffrin! I’m not sure if it was a scripted event or that I managed to raise enough sus points for him to notice, but I love how when he noticed that Siffrin isn’t doing ok, he decided to postpone the confession just so he can properly focus later on Siffren’s own mental state! Also also! After looking at the romance novels once again, I almost screamed when Siffren said they were aware!!! They know that Isabeau likes them!! (And their self deprecating comment once again,,,,) Seriously, what torture it must be to see him almost confess over and over and fail everytime!! I definitely want to go back to the ending one more time to see if he ever manages to say it (but man is the king fight long,,,) His hang out was also sweet!! I think also a possible nod to what Siffrin’s home town is? If related to the stars?? But either way, the full on picnic afterwards was so cute!!

I just had to do a full run with them all together once again without any looping cuz Siffrin said so, all the new cutscenes with them together was just the sweetest!! The woodcutting one, the hair brushing, all of it is so soft!! the ending scene where they said they were a family just 🥹🥹🥹🥹 I can’t I can’t this game is too good!! I think the worst part of this though, is seeing Siffrin hoping, despite himself, that maybe, maybe, this time might be it. That all he needed was to be safe, to be happy, to be loved

And it still wasn’t enough

[goodluckclove]

I have spent some time now trying to formulate a question but every time i arrive back at there's probably no answer. OH. So. (Please ignore if you do not want to answer or can't or whatever. I'm thinking instead of sleeping and that tends to lead to strange thoughts.)

Where does creativity come from? Like, how do people get that spark that turns into an idea an universe. How do they step outside what they have experienced (tropes, stories), and... create something of their own.

I don't know. The answer is probably somewhere between "it just comes" and "they listen and notice it" (as in they are not in something resembling chronic creative burnout).

Writing looks fun. Creating stories. Having a world take shape in your imagination. I enjoy getting glimpses into that process and seeing the end products. (I would love to try it myself but it's one of those "so far away i have zero idea where to start" things. Where on the other hand rants, thoughts, concepts *prompted* by anything and routed in something already existing seem to come freely and turn into whole essays (sometimes at least). Oh well.)

I really don't know. Please ignore if this is weird. I should maybe have some water.

Take care if where you are it's also way too hot. Have water or rest or whatever might be good in that moment, if you want. I hope your day goes as well as can be, with nice moments and strength for the hard ones. (How do people end asks i am not good at people today.)

Hi! You sent this to me a while ago and I hadn't answered it, but I've been thinking about it a lot. I think I'm finally settled enough to answer it.

I think every human being - at least every that I've come across - possesses innate creativity and the ability to make art. I never believed in the concept of god-given "talent" and actually find the concept deeply patronizing as, in my mind, it implies no real effort. Which is bullshit. I will call an artist capable, honest, skilled, passionate - I will never call them talented.

Children are creative in their natural state and in their own way. What happens is an exposure to poison over the years. Your favorite books and movies aren't good for the reasons you like them, or if they are it doesn't matter because they're not real art. People project what they think art is onto you and negate any opportunity for you to grow and form your own sense of intuition.

Or you're never given a chance to really explore art at all. No one makes an effort to show you books you can relate to, so you decide you don't like reading. You think the stuff at art museums is just stuffy Old Dead Guy paintings, and since no one suggests you explore otherwise you never explore painting or sculpting as something accessible to you. It's an unbelievable tragedy to me and I cringe inwardly every time someone tells me they just aren't creative.

There are no uncreative people. There are no boring people. There are only people who were lied to and demeaned until they felt the only real option was to deny themselves the language of communicating through art and storytelling. And that's fucking horrible.

So how can you move past that? I talk to a lot of "aspiring writers" (another term I despise), who tell me blocks in their creative process that keep them from doing the work they want to do. Oftentimes I just respond by asking who told you that? Was it a teacher who was unable to finish their novel because of some poison they consumed? A parent who only sees you through the lens of a career they've decided you're meant to pursue to have value in the world? Perhaps a stranger on the Internet who realized that you can gain a facade of illusory "respect" by making individual taste and limited artistic scope as an overall rule of thumb everyone else has to follow?

Once you find the root of what makes you feel fundamentally severed from creativity, you can start to undo the hold it has over you. You might have to start further back than what feels good for the ego. If you struggle to write a long-term project, maybe you just need to write something. Anything. Just play with fragments and develop a foundation of actually confirming you're able to take up space. Because you are and you absolutely should.

Big ramble but this is a really important topic to me. Don't know where to start? There are really no wrong movies! People watch and wonder what their lives are like! Explore a single plot point of character without worrying about an overarching narrative! As discouraging as it can feel to struggle in a way so many other people seem perfectly well-versed in, it is never too late to develop creativity in your life!

[lloydfrontera]

So I think it's pretty well established that one of the biggest sins of Lloyd and Alicia's relationship is that they just don't interact enough to justify them being endgame.

So imagine an au where Suho get's transmigrated into the body of a palace servant instead of Lloyd Frontera. He'd still be forced to work hard and bust out his civil engineering knowledge to make money because I assume palace servants are mostly paid in room & board. But of course Alicia would notice this talent and want to keep him close. And since Suho doesn't have a Barony to go back to, he has no reason to turn down her jobs as long as she keeps paying him. (This is going off of the novel's characterization of her where she tells Lloyd that she isn't a tyrant and won't force him to work if he doesn't want to).

Plus I'm positive she suffers from Swordmaster Syndrome like Javier, so Suho would definitely offer her his lullaby service in order to gain some sort of leverage over her as well. There could even be rumors that the two are actually sleeping together and that's why Suho keeps getting jobs and titles. It would be really funny if whatever body Suho transmigrated into was just as plainfaced as Lloyd and the entire court is throwing a tantrum over it. Especially if Alicia is completely unbothered by it as she has spent her entire life surrounded by stupid and petty rumors. And since anything relating to romance is one of the few things that can fluster Suho, I could see him being secretly bothered by these rumors, even though he tries to hide it. This could then force Alicia to grow an empathy bone and help this man she has genuinely grown to trust and care about, and maybe even love.

As their relationship and level of trust progresses, I think it would be different enough from Lloyd's relationship with Javier to be interesting. Where Lloyd has to reestablish, for lack of a better word, trust with Javier and then prove that he would make first a good lord and then a good friend (and lover lol). Whereas with Alicia Suho would not only have to prove himself to her, but also overcome the huge power imbalance and status between the two of them. That could actually be a great way to visualize how close their growing as Suho rises in noble status to become closer and closer to her equal.

Speaking of Javier, if the restoration of fate is still a threat he might wind up being one of the main protagonists. Because Suho wasn't transmigrated into LLoyd, he wouldn't have saved the Barony so Javier begins his journey as the lone protagonist destined to lose virtually everyone and everything he ever loved. But also Suho wasn't there to build up his trust with him, so when Javier learns that either he or Suho has to die or else the entire continent is screwed, he has no reason to believe that Suho isn't some loose cannon threat. But by this point he has gained the trust with Alicia and there is no way she is letting Javier kill the man she loves. Maybe she orders Javier's execution/suicide, but would the other nobles/kingdoms allow that after Javier has spent years as a wandering hero? So now Suho is left with three options; 1. Die, 2. Somehow find a way to kill the most overpowered man in history, 3. Let everyone he knows and loves die, mostly at the hands of the woman he loves the most.

god. when are you dropping the fic again.

this is a way more compelling way to make me interested in alloyd than anything bk moon ever wrote. what the hell.

personally i cannot handle the idea of lloyd and javier not being close in any way shape or form it literally doesn't compute in my head but. this is so fucking good i can ignore the screeching little gremlin in my brain.

just a comment, i don't think alicia suffers from swordmaster syndrome. she's already a swordmaster by the time the novel starts, she probably powered through her insomnia and then learned how to shut down her augmented senses to fall asleep just like javier expected to be able to do when he became a swordmaster. javier just had the misfortune of becoming reliant on the lullaby service and then was unable to quit it once he already experienced it. alicia didn't rely on it before she was swordmaster and so suho wouldn't have been able to leverage it against her once she was.

but everything else is fucking amazing i love it <3

[ideas-on-paper]

Thoughts on Tron: Identity (quick review)

Finally, I closed the biggest gap in my Tron education: I played Tron: Identity at last!

And let me say, it was an amazing experience - short, but amazing.

I really love that the game digs into the "spiritual" themes of Tron, like the Users being akin to gods for the programs. At the same time, it's kind of funny since all of the programs on the Arq server are ISOs, so none of them were written by any Users - technically, they don't have any gods at all, since they spawned out of nowhere. Still, despite having no higher-ordained function, they're looking for purpose by organizing themselves, and some of them - like Prinz - even turn to the Users for guidance. (I guess programs are not too dissimilar from Users in that regard…)

Also, I really enjoyed the inclusion of the Automata - I love the idea of a faction of programs wanting to evolve beyond the predetermined parameters of the Users, and who place greater value on finding their own path and information being free to access for everyone. (I'm a big fan of AIs valuing their otherness, if you can't tell. xD)

Nevertheless, I think that the theme of control of information/information as power present in the game is very relevant, probably more so now than ever. In the age of the internet, the value of information and data will only increase, and whoever holds them will have control over pretty much everything - and wherever there is power, you can count on someone being there to abuse it.

Aside from this, Tron: Identity also has some pretty existentialist themes, like dealing with the realization that God has abandoned you and that knowledge is sometimes more of a burden than a boon. I can relate to both of these very well, and I love the way they implemented this little bit of philosophy into the game.

From a gameplay perspective, Tron: Identity was my first visual novel, and I have to say I quite enjoyed it - due to the nature of the story, I found myself thinking really hard about some decisions, and to my own surprise, I actually really liked the puzzle minigames intermingled in between. (I'm usually not that big on puzzle games; I think that's because most of the time, there's only one correct way to solve the puzzles, so I'm glad that the minigames in Identity allow for multiple approaches.)

[Spoilers from this point onwards!]

Still, I somehow feel like I got the worst ending possible - Proxy took off with Prinz, Ada turned to voxels from Cass's explosion, and Grish was royally pissed at me. xD In the end, I didn't have much of a choice but to derezz Grish - I considered handing over Cass to him just to keep both of them alive, but I couldn't bring myself to betray Cass. Sorry, Grish, but I had to protect my precious baby. xD

However, from what I've read in some guides, it could've gone much, much worse - if you try to stop Proxy from taking Prinz, you will accidentally hit Prinz with your disc. I was considering to defend Prinz, but I was worried about him being in the line of fire, so I didn't take that choice. (Good call on that one, I guess... ^^')

I suppose 3/5 survivors isn't the worst you can do (since Sierra can't die anyway), but maybe I'll do another run in the future to see some of the other outcomes.

Either way, Tron: Identity is a fantastic addition to the Tron franchise, and you can really tell that Mike Bithell put a lot of love, effort, and care into the story. I just hope we'll get a sequel to it soon, and that your decisions from the first game will have an impact on the second. (When I freed Sierra, I was kinda hoping he would help you out as an ally later, so that's something I'd really like to see.)

[kiiromaru]

THH's Moral Alignement and Reasoning

[spoiler for danganronpa 1]

disclaimer: I haven't read the novels, also these aren't character analysis, just my reasoning for why i put them in this category, also please add onto it if you disagree or have anything to say ^^

Lawful Good

Sakura Ogami: She always takes decisions that she considers to be the best for the people around her : trying to proctect her dojo by accepting to work with Monokuma or committing suicide and making sure to write a letter explaining to everyone why she did it as to resolve the situation and create a more peaceful atmosphere among them.

Kyoko Kirigiri: She has good intentions and i feel like what pushes her to act is kind of a "i can do it therefore i should do it" mindset.

Chihiro Fujisaki: Cute baby sunshine, never did anything wrong in their life.

Ishimaru Kiyotaka: He's the Ultimate Moral Compass, pretty self-explanatory.

Naegi Makoto: A genuinely good person who tries his best to be kind.

Neutral Good

Aoi: We can see during chapter 4 that she put her personal beliefs above all else but even if she tried to kill everyone i still think that she is a good person.

Toko (Ultra Despair Girl): If we were talking solely about THH i would've put her in Neutral Evil since she doesn't care about anyone but herself and is pretty mean (also something that i find very interesting during the 4th trial is that even if throughout the game she seems totally devoted and in love with Byakuya + her obvious lack of self esteem she still chose to defend herself when she thought Genocide Jack had killed Sakura which could've led to his death), but the character development she gets in that game is golden so yeah.

Chaotic Good

Mondo: Feel free to disagree with me on that because of the fact that he killed Chihiro who very much did not deserve it but contrary to what Naegi says in the game it absolutely wasn't a cold blooded murder, himself stating that he blacked-out while killing them. I still chose to put him in good because otherwise he really tried to do the right thing (protecting Chihiro's secret by moving their body or even when in the anime he covered Mukuro's bldy with his coat it showed that he was a kind person) + we also know that he uses his influence to minimize tensions between gangs.

True Neutral

Byakuya: I feel like his god complex makes him kind of uncapable to relate to other people and consider their struggles on the same level as him so he doesn't care about anyone + we saw during the 2nd trial that he definitely can't be described as a good person. I truly feel like he couldn't care less about rules or moral implications as he considers himself above it.

Leon: His actions only seem to be motivated by what he wants in that moment without a lot of reasoning behind it, like changing from baseball to music or killing Sayaka when he could've totally ran away after she tried to kill him.

Chaotic Neutral 

Sayaka : I feel like she's morally neutral in the way where she's so goal-oriented that she doesn't care too much about the means to get to an end (which is also implicate in her backstory) but she's aware that what she does might bad : she was willing to let everyone die and pin the crime on Naegi but once her plan failed she still made sure to save everyone instead by writing Leon's name.

Yasuhiro : I hesitated to put him in chaotic evil because of the fact that he quite literally could have/tried to kill Sakura + he never was particularly kind to no one in the game and tried to steal money from us during his free time (tbh im still kinda mad at the wasted potential of making him a nice chill guy but well). In the end i went for neutral because i feel like its more a case of picking the worst possible choice than being a bad person, even if he is quite selfish.

Lawful Evil 

Hifumi: The reason i put him in "lawful" is because what convinced him to kill Ishimaru was Celestia accusing him of SA, which is an understandable reason especially paired with the chance to get out happy and with Celestia but he was still willing to sacrifice everyone to get out so lawful evil it is.

Neutral Evil

Celestia Lundenberg: It was pretty complicated but i settled on this alignement if we take the things she tells us at face value (since i've seen a few people saying that she wasn't actually trying to win the game and that's why her plan was so sloppy). I don't feel like she's a bad person but she doesn't care about doing bad things to get what she wants.

Mukuro Ikusaba: That's where me not reading the novels probably makes a difference because i know that she gets more development there but based on the game and the anime i have to put her here, even if she was obviously manipulated by Junko she still seemed to agree with her.

Chaotic Evil

Junko Enoshima: Do i really need to explain ?

Genocide Jack: I mean, she enjoys killing people and has no other reason for what she does.

Thank you if you read all of that, sorry for any typos/grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language and i wrote it all in one go. Please tell me what you think :)

[fallout-lou-begas]

I think you're doing God's work by shining attention on the less popular humanoid companions. I adore Cass and Raul, and it makes me sad how many people brush them off because they're hard to recruit or not #GayRep

The Cass Sweep was about my love for Cass above all else. Spite turned it into what it was as the tournament attracted the attention of people who don't even care about Fallout, but even if the tournament was run by someone with nothing but positive feelings for Cass, I still would have rallied for her the same way because it was about shining attention on her. I even had a whole thing written up for my predicted grand finals about why i think she is worth it and why she should genuinely earn her vote over (who I thought would be) Arcade and Nick Valentine. The Mean Old Cowpoke Solidarity between Cass and Raul was just icing on the cake, I was amazed that Raul beat both gay companions back to back lmao.

I have absolutely nothing against Arcade and Veronica to be clear, and we joke about the sweep being homophobic (straight's rights!), but it does make me glad that these characters who are less popular than Arcade and Veronica, partly because they're so much less immediately relatable, got such a genuinely appreciative push in those silly little polls. The discourse over Cass' sexuality only makes it more interesting, really, because then it's like "explicit gay representation" versus "has a weird gay thing going on," and where the tide is turning on what people are appreciating now.

Because there's something I've been noticing (especially in my own curated social circle but also larger out) where I feel like we're moving past and away from a fixation on representation as the ultimate metric of a media or artwork's value, or at least stances on this issue are becoming more polarized. I think of everyone around me watching Succession, The Sopranos, Columbo, Breaking Bad, Better Caul Saul, etc., basically just a lot of these shows that aren't really providing "representation" but are providing these incredibly deep, complex, and smart stories and characters that people can relate to and chew on in more ways than just sharing identities with the characters (especially since, for example, The Sopranos is VERY MUCH a show about gender and sexuality). Part of this is just because the state of representation-forward media is, like, paint-by-numbers YA novels made for BookTok first, cartoons made for literal children, agonizingly twee television shows, or mainstream movies too afraid to let their gay characters be more than two out of three of explicit, interesting, and authentic. For the really good shit you just have to find independent artists telling independent stories because the way media is made at a major and mainstream level, what kind of gay representation is allowed is still just really limited. Especially for queer representation, this has an overlap with how much explicit sexual content is allowed in media, because we are in a post-Everyone is Beautiful and No One is Horny world, and people are more wanting for fucking and sucking on screen, especially when your sexual identity is inseparable from who you want to fuck and/or suck.

This has gone waaaay off track from your original question, maybe. But to quote the prolific gay filmmaker Gregg Araki: “Just because a movie [or a book, or a TV show, or a character, etc.] is gay or independent doesn’t make it good. I’d rather go see fuckin’ Coneheads than go see most of them.”

[bereft-of-frogs]

friday update!

we are reaching the end of my vacation week which is both good (I miss my routine and my own apartment) and sad (I have to go back to work and no longer have all day just to write)

reading:

(finished) The Great Transition - Nick Fuller Goggins : Not quite as good as Station Eleven but...surprisingly decent for a book doing stuff I normally find annoying.

(in-progress) Kill Show: A True Crime Novel - Daniel Sweren-Becker : Look I LOVE trying to recreate found footage in literature. House of Leaves, S...I'm not sure this one is doing it for me. I wish there was something more than just the interview transcripts, which he has room for. Like at one point there have been quotes from a journalist and a professor, instead of doing the same interview block quote, he could have put in excerpts from articles/dissertations, we could have had more narration and description that way. It's just a little flat with it all being the same and also I'm not sure he has enough distinct character voices to justify it all exclusively being interview quotes. I feel like you need really good, unique character voices to exclusively do transcript quotes. And there are other issues I feel like he didn't think through, like I still don't really know how old the brother is supposed to be in relation to the main missing girl because it's not in the character intro and no one's mentioned it. But I'm not super far in, I'm going to stick with it to see if it gets better.

(in-progress) Jaw Bone - Monica Ojeda: Also only a little ways in, intriguing though, I like this one much better than Kill Show so far.

Lord of the Rings reread: I did fall a little bit behind by a couple chapters this week, but! We're onto the last book of Return of the King.

(phone book) Into the Dark - Claudia Gray: haven't had to read on my phone much this week since I've been on vacation, but the High Republic reread continues!

watching (tv):

*vibrates* Yellowjackets (Paramount+/Showtime): oh my GOD I have been wanting to watch this for years and I finally did, binged all two seasons this week. (Minus two episodes I have left to watch, so no season finale spoilers yet!) Yellowjackets. What is there to say? It's great, you all knew it was great, I was late to this party. There's like a venn diagram you could make between this show, NBC's Hannibal, and Black Spot/Zone Blanche but I can't articulate it yet. It's just got everything to appeal to me specifically: spooky forest settings, plane crashes, cannibalism, antler gods, murder, not one but two cults. It's great, extremely on brand for me, Shauna is my poor little meow meow, Melanie Lynskey should play more cannibals, murderers and warlords, she does it so well.

watching (film):

Pearl / X (2022) (double feature): Is it an unpopular opinion that I like X better? I'm also a bit late to this party but I feel like I remember people being like 'oh X is fine but Pearl is so good!' (Confirmed by looking at their comparative Letterboxd scores.) I just think X had a more interesting time period setting, better ensemble cast, better cinematography...which I think make sense given my understanding was X was the film they were originally making, and then they added on Pearl as an origin story project while they were working on X. It felt like more thought was put into X. Also, the 'Don't Fear the Reaper' scene was great. It seems like most of the reviews just comment on Mia Goth's performance as a highlight but like...it's just a lot of yelling and then a very long monologue and then the end credits. Idk, I think X just worked better as a whole, with the ensemble cast.

Bodies Bodies Bodies (2023): This movie was so funny, probably my favorite ending/explanation to a 'wow everyone went from no murder to yes murder really fast' film I've ever seen. I also just love Lee Pace. Lee Pace sabre-ing a bottle of champagne. That is all.

there is no video game update because I have no mobile video game consoles so they are all at my apartment and I am not there, and since I had to leave early Friday instead of my original plan (Sunday) I didn't get to do anything before I left

craft update: slow sweater progress, so close to linking up the armholes and no longer having to purl, so close...

writing to-do list update:

I didn't end up working a ton on oneshots or 'omens' because...

I did it! I got up through chapter 6 on the longfic tentatively titled 'the station'. that's about the halfway point in chapter count, and I've been doing a pretty good job keeping the lengths even and hovering around 5k so far. It's 33k words now so I expect the final word count to be around 65-70k? Thereabouts? Which will be my longest Star Wars fic by quite a lot, even counting adding up the two pieces of the dark ocean duology. But since I'm only at the halfway point, maybe I shouldn't get ahead of myself. It's so much. I love it. I'm terrified it's secretly bad. But it's probably fine haha, I'm actually feeling pretty good about the plot I'm using to string together a bunch of self-indulgent angst, which really, what is fanfiction if not finding a suitable plot to tie together self-indulgent scenes, angst or otherwise?

list for the upcoming week:

I still have to extract my dogsitting fee aka do all of my laundry

got a couple social events over the weekend

pack up and head back to the city sunday

I'm considering doing a probably ill-advised chaos rearranging of my room when I get home unless reason and logic kicks back in and stops me

go back to work (boo)

also clean whole apartment throughout the week because I have eclipse guests

eep somehow acquire eclipse glasses yikes I put this one off

keep chipping away chapter-by-chapter on this fic. I'm just getting to the action, which is both fun because a bunch of things are coming to a head and terrible because oh god writing action scenes is so hard

[hildred-rex]

this pinned post is permanent now too...

Alright, the temporary blog image has grown on me. It's a cropped square from page 31 of A Collection of Emblemes, Ancient and Moderne (1635) by George Wither.

The header image is Monhegan, Maine (1922) by Nicholas Roerich. Everyone should go look at more Roerich artwork immediately; his are some of the most consistently beautiful paintings I've ever seen.

Anyway...

I'm:

Cinnamon or Hildred by name, accurately referred to with any pronoun set other than he/it.

@/voidblue on pronouns.page.

Generally, my thematic color is blue and not yellow, but it doesn't make sense for Hildred Castaigne to be blue. In fact, I think he'd be somewhat offended. This makes making this account look like me... somewhat difficult. (Update: I've given up entirely. This is Hildred's blog theme now. The Imperial Dynasty of America was secretly the Imperial Dynasty of Tumblr User @hildred-rex's Blog Theme.)

Under the readmore: a list of fandoms I partake in, more detail on my exploits in gothic literature, a noncomprehensive list of other things I've enjoyed, and a "last updated."

Fandoms:

gothic literature (predominantly horror) in general; this gets its own list lower down!

The League of Extraordinary Gentlefolk.

Arthur Machen (have not read everything yet!)

Dracula by Bram Stoker.

The King in Yellow by Robert W. Chambers.

The Parties are for Losers series by Ferry. (I don't want to give them a random notification for no reason, but they're nopanamaman on tumblr.)

The rest of Ferry's songs are also very good!

currently reading Homestuck due to a D&D campaign (I promise this makes sense in context)

[more when I remember them]

I decided a few years ago that Lovecraft was seminal to the cosmic horror genre and that therefore I should read all the fiction he ever wrote; to my recollection I've read everything listed on Wikisource except "The Street" and "The Rats in the Walls," provided it's extant. (Not sure this counts as a fandom?)

I'll have to come back and add a "music I enjoy" section later.

More on Gothic Literature:

(Listed = I've read it; bolded = I can probably do analysis of its characters; italicized = I don't remember it well; underlined = I really want to reread this and will when I have the time. Small is notes and commentary.)

This is only what I've dredged up from my brain at the moment and I have probably read more; this'll be updated as I read and/or think of stuff.

Dracula (1897) by Bram Stoker. (Curiously, I've never actually done Dracula Daily.)

The King in Yellow (1895) by Robert W. Chambers. (Bolding only goes for the weird stories, including "The Demoiselle d'Ys," and is strongest for "The Repairer of Reputations." I've found myself unable to get through a few of the romances & cannot make heads nor tails of "The Prophet's Paradise" except that it feels like someone accidentally published his sheet of idea-collection paper. Admittedly, because of that it makes a pretty good transition between the weird stories and the rest.)

The Three Impostors (1895) by Arthur Machen. (I utterly adore this book.)

Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1886) by Robert Louis Stevenson. (I really loved reading this one, but was very sad by the end. I had Opinions on most of the characters and will again when I reread.)

The Great God Pan (1890) by Arthur Machen.

The Inmost Light (1890) by the same author. (Hello Dyson!)

Jane Eyre (1847 originally; I think Dover reproduced from the third ed.) by Charlotte Brontë. (Worth reading, but GODDAMNIT JANE. She's the closest I've found to a fictional representation of how I think, especially about making complicated decisions, which (a) made her very relatable and (b) made the end of the novel all the more what-the-fuck. Also GODDAMNIT CHARLOTTE because of the authorial racism and also the not realizing how unhealthy the core relationship is.)

The Vampyre (1819) by John William Polidori.

The Shining Pyramid (1923) by Arthur Machen. (I didn't like this one when I last read it; Dyson felt off.)

The White People by Arthur Machen (has the most cursed name of anything ever).

Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus (1831, not yet 1818) by Mary Shelley.

The Red Hand (1895) by Arthur Machen.

[Am currently reading more Machen.]

Miscellaneous Things Enjoyed:

This time in alphabetical order.

The Anatomy of Tobacco by Arthur Machen. I feel I must clarify that it's a comedic work that I'd estimate to be of novella length. Reader beware, this book contains random untranslated and even untransliterated faux-Ancient Greek.

At the Mountains of Madness by H. P. Lovecraft.

The Case of Charles Dexter Ward by H. P. Lovecraft. It feels like reading a textbook with a central plot besides the advancement of history (and with a nicer writing style). Content warning for racism and off-handed mentions of the colonial American slave trade.

Fourteen by Peter Clines. This book gets in one's head and doesn't leave.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and its ensuing series, by Douglas Adams.

Last updated 2024-07-03, YYYY-MM-DD. Created sometime in late-ish November 2023. Edited 2023-12-07 and 2024-03-31. Backdated to Louis Castaigne's birthday in a year that would make him 42 years old at the founding of this blog.

[eonixce]

My sem break went like this, Something had changed that week, I didn’t have to wake up and leave early, I didn’t come home physically and mentally drained. I've found relaxation on things l've always loved - playing piano, ukelele, painting with my family, playing with my family and most important praying with my family. I've fought loneliness and boredom through Reading, specially the bible. For this book of the law (the bible) shall not depart out of thine mouth but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous and thou shall have good success. Throughout this break I have seen the bible as my: mirror, sword, food and light. It has served as a reflection; a mirror. A sword sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even through the dividing assunder of spirit and soul, bone and marrow; a protection; a sword. It served as food for the spirit. And a light through dark times.

Everyone also begins to learn something new during the break instead of mindlessly sitting at home in front of a television or laptop, either adults or children. Everyone has their own way to commemorate the warm holiday: wether it be baking a cake, learning how to make waffles without the waffles overflowing, learning new songs on the piano or even learning to ride a bike. Short term goals are important for students due to the fact that they provide focus, motivation, and a sense of accomplishment. They break down larger tasks into manageable steps, help prioritize activities, and enables students to track progress, leading to increased productivity, efficiency, and overall success in their academic endevors.

Similarly to what I have just stated I have explored new hobbies like solving rubix cubes, playing chess, volleyball, basketball, badminton, and soccer. This has really helped me to figure out what I liked doing the most, and what I do best. Sem breaks are also a great way in order for students to learn about different cultures, make new friends and to travel different destinations.

I've also focused my attention on bonding with my family, I have found enjoyment in relaxing this sem break. My family’s bond has made the holidays more memorable. I am specially happy to see my cousins that I only see during vacations. I am also happy that we’ve had family outings as a complete family. Where we have made memories for ourselves, and we kept the love in a photograph, and time’s forever frozen still. No exams just tan lines and good times. This has made me realize how important sem breaks are .Just after tests, students are drained and uninterested in learning: therefore they require rest to improve their health and effectiveness after a hard semester of studying.

I have also started to take interest in a book called “Percy Jackson and the Olympians” where Percy Jackson who is also called the lightning thief is a light-hearted fantasy about a modern 12-year-old boy who learns that his true father is Poseidon, the Greek god of the sea. Percy sets out in order to become a hero by undertaking a quest across the United States to find the entrance to the Underworld and stop a war between the gods. Along the lines of what I have said earlier The purpose of this was so that inspite of the fact that we are a different culture we can learn more of others. As to how Greek mythology was related to American culture. Where the readers accept that the novel fulfills the reader’s horizon of expectation of aesthetic enjoyment and of the incorporation of Greek mythology into real American life. This book also taught me the importance of trust and collaboration percy makes decisions throughout the novel to either choose to trust others or keep things to himself. He ultimately decides it is better to trust, despite the number of times his trust was betrayed by characters like aunty Em, Ares, and Luke.

This semestral break for me was very productive, I have also spent time with my old classmates since we had a reunion and they also introduced me to their new friends from their new school, allowing me to meet and see new faces. I also find it fun when I walk to my sister’s school to pick her up and everyone from the school greets me when I go in. I was also happy since during the semestral break I was able to teach and help my sister on her school works and glory to God she is really excelling.

I am really happy since I made up for the times I wasn’t home, I was happy since I made up for the times I wasn’t able to kiss or hug them and say I love you. I even started cooking breakfast for my family, waffles are what my family likes to eat. But they do not just love the part where they eat but also the part where we work together so that every family member gets a waffle made with love. I am contented and happy although not all days during sem break is memorable, I always told myself to enjoy because if the next quarter begins I would not be able to do things that I usually do on sem break. It is such a blessing to enjoy every second of my life during sem break.

After a week from relaxing my mind and body from stress I am hoping for another successful quarter as a g7 student. I am hoping that the sem break would help me to improve. I want to be mature enough to face all the problems and stress that I will be experiencing for the whole quarter. I really hope and pray for more wisdom knowledge and understanding I am also praying that this quarter I will start to face it as a strong student. To sum up everything that has been stated clearly “I HAD THAT END-OF-THE-SEMESTER FEELING, THE KIND THAT INSPIRES YOU TO PULL THREE ALL-NIGHTERS IN A ROW IF THAT’S WHAT IT TAKES TO JUST BE FINISHED”- Rachel Held Evans

[artofsaudade]

"It's been a long time coming, but"

Hello, tumblr! Long time no see!

I was wondering if there was anyone around here since the competition field between social media is getting tougher these days and I am really happy to find out that we are still mingling around this wonderful bubble that tumblr is.

The thing is: I’ve had a lot of time to think and read (the perks of being unemployed) and suddenly, I felt really inspired by two people in my universe, which, until now, I didn't recognize their similarities: João Guimarães Rosa and Taylor Swift.

I think we can dispense further introductions towards miss americana, Taylor Swift, innit? Even because this text is for you, swiftie and we already have a long relationship (the best she ever had - not my words, hers) with young miss Alison.

The person who I would like to introduce is Mr João Guimarães Rosa and try to convince you to give the splendid work of this Brazilian writer a chance, because, in my opinion, if you admire Taylor Swift's work as a lyricist, you’ll LOVE  Guimarães (or Guima, as I like to affectionately call him) because like miss Swift,  he is a word person.

João Guimarães Rosa was a Brazilian writer, poet,diplomat, novelist and physician (does this remind you of someone who is a singer, songwriter, doctor, producer, actress, screenwriter, and director? Oh well), who is widely regarded as the most important Brazilian author of the twentieth century and one of the greatest of all time. His work is known for its unique linguistic style as well as for its exploration of themes such as identity, memory, the human condition and, my favourite one: love.

In his most famous novel “Grande Sertão: veredas” (The Devil to Pay in the Backlands), we know the story of Riobaldo, a bandit who lives several dilemmas related to morals, the nature of existence, his identity, the constant doubt about the realization of a pact with the devil (THIS IS SO FUCKING COOL! IYKYK) and his love for his colleague Diadorim. Being that last subject written in such a poetic way that I'm sure it would become the bedside book for all of you.

One of the great characteristics of Guimarães Rosa is the way he uses language. Every phrase is so well written because in its simplicity he can build complex sentence structures that hold so much meaning. I keep catching myself losing my breath everytime I read his work because every single time a side of it that I didn’t get the last time reveals itself to me and I’m blown away all over again. 

Guimarães Rosa employs a distinctive style that combines regional dialects, neologisms (yes, guys, the man could invent WORDS!) and archaic Portuguese to create a unique voice that captures the richness and diversity of Brazilian culture, and in this book, helps to build all the complexity of the feelings of a man who finds himself questioning his nature, his identity while going through the unsettling feeling of being in love with another man in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

Although regionalism is a constant feature in this book, by dealing with themes such as good and evil, love, hate, God and the devil, betrayal, among others of a philosophical nature, the writer manages to make this narrative universal, so that everyone can recognize themselves within it (I, myself, have the feeling that he reads what is inside my soul… oh wait, can you think about someone that have the same delicacy with the human soul and  that can express the nuances through words that are utterly relatable?).

With that in mind, I cannot help but imagine that being a fan of one of the greatest composers of all time, who manages to be a great storyteller and add poetry to her narrative, you will not like the universe created by Guimarães Rosa and his words.

I want to be clear that I'm not comparing the two because I think Mr. Rosa is incomparable just like Taylor is incomparable, what I'm saying is that god/the universe/whatever you believe has given these two people a precious gift, which is to reach parts of our hearts that we didn't realise were calling out to us.

It breaks my heart that not many people get to witness this man's writing in his mother tongue, Portuguese, as much of his poetry is inextricably linked to the way our language presents itself to the world and much of it is lost in translation. However, I'm sure that regardless of the translation you have access to, Guimarães will make you fall in love with the way the world is seen through his eyes.

All in all, I want to share with you some of my favourite quotes by Guima and I hope that, in a while, you will have favourites of your own.

"

hy in relating something, mention everything, every little detail? That meeting of ours was out-of-the-ordinary, melodramatic, the kind you read of only in newspapers and books. It was not until afterwards that I could put together even what I am telling you now and really understand it -for, when something like this is happening, what you feel mostly is what pertains to the body: the thudding heart.

"Those are one’s hours. The others, those of any time, are everybody hours (...) It is as though life’s trivialities were a pool of water in which we find ourselves submerged, a pool that covers and deadens everything - but once in a rare while we manage to raise our heads out of it, in a sort of miracle: like a little fish begging! Why? I am going to tell you something that is not generally known: always when we begin to love someone, in the normal run of things, love takes root and grows, because, in a way, that is what we want to happen, and so we seek it and help it along in our mind; but when it is predestined, allembrancing, we love completely and fatefully, we have to love, and we come upon one surprise after another. A love of this sort grows first and bursts later."

 “Love inspires love. I tell you it’s so. I think of Diadorim too - but Diadorim is a soft haze.”

“And suddenly I found myself loving him beyond all reason, loving him even more than before. With my heart at his feet, to be trampled upon. I had been loving him the whole time.”

“I never left Diadorim’s side. I felt an urge to eat and drink his leftovers; I wanted to touch whatever he had touched.”

“In my happiness I saw stars.” 

[whimsicaldragonette]

ARC Review: Never Been Kissed by Timothy Janovsky

Order

Add to Goodreads

Publication Date: May 3, 2022

Synopsis:

Dear (never-been-quite-over-you) Crush, It's been a few years since we were together, but I can't stop thinking about the time we almost... Wren Roland has never been kissed, but he wants that movie-perfect ending more than anything. Feeling nostalgic on the eve of his birthday, he sends emails to all the boys he (ahem) loved before he came out. Morning brings the inevitable Oh God What Did I Do?, but he brushes that panic aside. Why stress about it? None of his could-have-beens are actually going to read the emails, much less respond. Right? Enter Derick Haverford, Wren's #1 pre-coming-out-crush and his drive-in theater's new social media intern. Everyone claims he's coasting on cinematic good looks and his father's connections, but Wren has always known there's much more to Derick than meets the eye. Too bad he doesn't feel the same way about the infamous almost-kiss that once rocked Wren's world. Whatever. Wren's no longer a closeted teenager; he can survive this. But as their hazy summer becomes consumed with a special project that may just save the struggling drive-in for good, Wren and Derick are drawn ever-closer...and maybe, finally, Wren's dream of a perfect-kiss-before-the-credits is within reach. A feel-good summer LGBTQIA+ New Adult RomCom, perfect for fans of Red White & Royal Blue, Boyfriend Material, and What If It's Us.

My Rating: ★★★★★

*My Review below the cut.

My Review:

This was suuuuuuper cute. Wren does come across as very young at first, but as the story settled into its groove I felt like his reactions and thought processes were actually very accurate for a 22-year old. He starts the novel fairly immature and at loose ends, but through the course of the story he gains confidence in himself. This is helped along by his managerial position at Wiley's Drive-in (where he has to find the line between working with his friends and being responsible for his friends' mistakes), his blossoming friendship with reclusive former film star and director Alice Walker, and his rekindled friendship and burgeoning relationship with his high-school crush Derick.

What begins as a terrible drunk decision - sending emails to all his former crushes and almost-kisses - ends up with a real chance at happiness.

Wren's friends are adorably quirky - sometimes a little too much so - and sweet. Reading the scenes of them together took me back to my college friendships. Derick is a bit of a mystery for pretty much the entire book and I think it could have benefited from some Derick POV chapters. The mystery does add drama and move the plot along in places, however, so I can understand why the author chose to do it this way. I also really appreciated how many of the characters were LGBT+ and how matter-of-fact it all was. There was a little bit of drama between Derick and his family but it wasn't too much and didn't detract from the sense of queer joy that develops throughout the book.

I listened to the audiobook version of this and really like the way the narrator chose to read it. His voices for all the characters were easy to tell apart and fit the characters very well.

I was fully invested in the story from beginning to end, and came away with a lot of nostalgia and also a real appreciation for how the author handled the story.

Also! It was SO nice to see demisexual rep in this story! Ace rep of any kind is hard to come by in fiction, and demisexual rep even more so. It was also explained really well without taking the reader out of the story and really fit Wren's character and experiences. As someone who is demi, I really appreciated the rep. It made me feel that much more connected to the story and more sympathetic to Wren. Especially when he decides that "queer" is how he's going to identify, with the knowledge that he's also gay and demisexual. It was very relatable. Society doesn't know how to handle asexuality for some strange reason, and it can feel very alienating.

The best parts of the story, hands down, were the scenes with Alice Kelly, reclusive film star and brilliant director - and cantankerous old lady. She really came to life in my imagination and quickly became my favorite character. The way Wren approached his friendship with her, slowly drawing her out while making sure she is always comfortable with what is happening, was wonderful to see.

I loved her story that was slowly revealed even more than Wren's and Derick's tbh. I would definitely read a book about her life. I'm glad she became such an important character and her story interwoven so thoroughly with Wren's and Wiley's Drive-in.

*Thanks to NetGalley and Sourcebooks Casablanca for providing an e-arc for review.

[applestorms]

ooo wait i love that interpretation, BGD as both dirk and jake’s potential for (morally good?) power is great actually. also, big Agree about jake’s intelligence being hidden, the interpretation of the kids’ fetch modus being a representation of how they think fits that idea too (jake’s being too large to even fit on screen -> his intelligence being kinda unknowable even to him). pretty sure it’s also pretty explicitly referenced in BGD’s intro following that long ass conversation between 13yo dirkjake (“GT: I have no business knowing those things.” pg.4875). ok now for this one:

OHOHOH. okay very interested in hearing your elaboration, but my understanding of abraxas is mostly limited to the way they’re referenced in the hermann hesse novel demian (and also all the explanations of gnosticism given in those optimistic duelist lore videos i obsessively binged as a teenager, epic). for denizens specifically though, we’re mostly limited in canon to john and caliborn (and i guess roxy?) for more extensive looks at the denizens besides basic visuals & names. so john does his whole oil quest with typheus (and is killed early on by him thanks to terezi) and caliborn gets the house juju from beating yaldabaoth, both incredibly significant moments for the Alpha Timeline™️ of homestuck.

we get very little information in hs canon about abraxas as a denizen, only really knowing that they’re jake’s because of the web browser thing (and also maybe karkat? forget where the evidence for that comes from). outside of the text though, abraxas is stupidly relevant when it comes to the whole duality motif that surrounds the cherubs, and many other key themes/visuals in homestuck. carl jung calls abraxas a god both higher than and a combination of the christian god and devil- pistorius also says this when teaching emil sinclair about abraxas in demian, i believe- essentially the ultimate evil and ultimate good combined. the appeal of abraxas to emil sinclair’s study is this specific duality, something he struggles with throughout his life from very early on with the worlds of light (family, religion, safety) and dark (danger, social taboos) he describes from his childhood. in demian, pistorius is basically emil’s transitional mentor at a time when max demian himself is not present, so this teaching of abraxas is quite significant. it’s actually really interesting then if abraxas is in fact karkat’s denizen too, given that both jake and karkat have a lot of jesus imagery associated with them w/ the hope angels/golgothas & sufferer respectively; abraxas is kind of blasphemous w/ their whole God&Satan thing when it comes to christianity.

jake and karkat in general have a lot of connections to the cherubs, actually. karkat is presumably a lime blood but mutated to bright red (calliope & caliborn’s blood colors), his gray text is right in the middle of callie and caliborn’s, and his struggle between passivity (more natural to him w/ his blood aspect) and violence (the Alternian standard, thanks to doc scratch). jake’s whole intro page is basically a hehe wink tease with how much lord english shit surrounds him, and he is later explained to have direct influence on lord english’s attire and, yeah, name.

the whole point of a denizen is that they can be either defeated or worked with, so the fact that karkat and jake both have abraxas, the ultimate symbol of extreme duality, as theirs is. PRETTY MEANINGFUL, i mean you can basically interpret that as jake and karkat are the best subjects to defeat the cherubs right?? which makes sense, especially when considering their strengths in relation to the meat/candy distinction of the epilogues. if you don’t like the pumpkin route thing and want alternatives to both meat & candy, karkat’s aspect being blood and all about relationships, with his biggest strength during the troll’s session being his ability to keep everyone working together, is a good alternative to the shitshow of compulsively heteronormative relationships in candy. and in terms of meat, with jake…..

yeah no, the evidence in favor of ultimate jake just keeps stacking up, jesus fuck lol.

clawed my way through (some of) the epilogues and hs^2 again for dirkjake crumbs and i think there is a Genuine place for ultimate jake to fit into canon (or at the very least, lord jake english) since meat timeline jake never actually shows up visually in hs^2 and his final appearance in that timeline (minus a phone call or something w/ roxy? or was it kanaya fuck) is giving ult. dirk his spaceship and then proclaiming his undying love while desperately trying to get dirk to let him join him, to which dirk responds that he’ll “never let [jake] break [his] heart again” (ch39). agony.

two interesting things about the end of his arc in meat actually: for one thing, it’s kinda implied that along with giving dirk a spaceship, he also gave dave/karkat/roxy/kanaya/etc a spaceship to chase after him, so he’s at least taken some action to try to stop him. again though, we never see him after that point so like. the idea that he could just hope himself into becoming an ultimate self in the background is actually kind of a possibility?? like while the others try to chase dirk down, jake is figuring out how to brute force himself into ascension as a backup plan. second thing, dirk is very snarky in the narration about the fact that this dramatic goodbye he’s giving jake is the last time he’ll ever get to see him (jake see dirk, i mean) but ult. dirk also seems to lack power against alt. calliope when they fight over the narrative so jake ascending would actually pose a serious threat and might be able to override that, assuming dirk’s power over the narrative extends that far in the first place (thinking about that post talking about how narration is also a reflection of characters’ thoughts…)

candy timeline jake is also pretty interesting since he very notably starts being advised by BGD to be a kind of spy on the inside against jane’s. whole thing in that timeline. i actually completely cannot remember what jane does in the meat timeline, i think also some presidency bullshit, right?? that’s what the davekat thing was about??? but anyway BGD sounds pretty normal in all his dialogue, or normal for BGD at least, and is aware of both the game over timeline and ult. dirk’s bullshit enough to make fun of it so. idk maybe i’m just misunderstanding how ultimate selves work, but the fact that BGD wasn’t really “integrated” into ult. dirk feels significant to me, especially considering the fact that we can see caliborn/LE’s influence on ult. dirk so much (his narration in ch39 gives AR too, frankly, like the epilogues are obvs way more openly horny than hs proper but AR was always kinda like that too, especially about jake). hs^2 also ends super abruptly with some lore shit i skimmed half heartedly between calliope, roxy, and john again talking about his initial decision between candy and meat. that whole conversation pretty deliberately frames the decision between meat and candy as being parallel to terezi’s coin flip about whether or not to kill vriska, and roxycallie even tell john straight up that he needs to get vriska again to fix the story, perhaps assuming that’ll work again since it did when he was retconning the timeline? but imo, though maybe i’m biased cause i didn’t really review what vriska does post-canon again, it seems more fitting to me that jake would be the one to fix the bullshit timelines, considering 1. dirk is the one going bananas out of his fucking mind w/ control of the narrative, 2. thematically, pumpkins are the most logical, healthy alternative to meat and candy, fitting since caliborn explicitly aligns dirk and jake’s color scheme with them in the smut-drawing conversation and since (in the same breath) he establishes that he hates them and prefers meat/candy. but that’s getting into sherlock secret final episode levels of conspiracy, and i’m not sure i’m ready for that one

[lenateliier]

How would you describe tai sui to someone who wants to read?

Agh I am so terribly sorry for the late response!! I've been very busy lately ^^" however!!! I can now go on for 50+ hours on why you should read it wahaha

So you want to read Tai Sui 🤨 Bring several boxes of tissues then, you'll need them!! It's an absolutely phenomenal novel that I think everyone should at least try - it's just your classic fun little family friendly xianxia that definitely won't grab you by the throat and wring you dry of everything you've ever felt 😉

For the absolute basics, Tai Sui is 247 chapters + 7 extras long, and it's a steampunk xianxia + historical fantasy. What's even better is that it has a lovely coherent completed translation done by E.Danglers!! It does not have a character pairing but PLEASE do not let the fact that it isn't a danmei dissaude you from reading!!! Tai Sui is such a rich and beautifully written novel for so many different aspects it's just so!!! *clenches fist*

As you may expect from it being a work by Priest, it's a deconstruction/breakdown of the xianxia genre with astoundingly intricate world building, detailing just what effect cultivation really has on the environment and the people who live there. It feels so incredibly weighty in the sense that it's so lived in, so very tangible..... One of my favourite things about it is that it showcases so much of the tragedy of the average person; the result of cultivation being so prominent and exclusive of the general public, the class divides it creates....and it does so through characters that aren't even named, while still making it sting! There's a handful of scenes like this I can think of off the top of my head but I wouldn't want to spoil them wahaha, so here's a screenshot of my reading thread mentioning it!

Another thing it does that I adore about Tai Sui is how it toys with the concept of what makes a deity/god. Think TGCF, but where TGCF came the the conclusion that gods are just the same as humans and left it at that, Tai Sui dissects that even further from various angles. What makes a god? Why do they hold that much power? Do they owe anything to the people? Should they? What makes them legitimate? Why can't we question them? Or to quote a scene from chapter 128, “so which are higher, the gods in heaven, or the gods on earth?” It's so incredibly good when contrasted against the MC, Xi Ping, and his situation that you'll see progress in the novel!! I don't want to spoil too much wehehe.

Priest touches on and explores so many different concepts over the course of it too!! To name just a few (courtesy of @/iplepee who made a list of these on twitter) there's environmental injustice, labour exploitation, resource monopoly, phrenology, the power of language, the power of names!!!!..... WAH I cannot stress it enough how amazing this novel is.... It's so beautifully done.

The characters too are incredibly enjoyable....agh...AGH OUR MC ESPECIALLY oh he has a special place in my heart my xiaobao 😭😭 to name just a few of my favourites it would be Xi Ping, Zhou Ying, Zhi Xiu, Xi Yue, Wei Chengxiang, Yu Chang, Zhao Qindan, Lin Chi, Wen Fei.....wahhhh so many...but honestly there are so many great characters and all I can do is clutch my chest at them,,, the relations between them, their interactions, what they mean to each other, how those ties affect their actions — it's so amazing and compelling. I've hinted at it in the prior little paragraphs but more than anything Tai Sui can be considered a story of the people, really.

Xi Ping especially is such a wonderful character and I really do think that out of all the Priest mcs, he is perhaps the most tragic one — not that you would know it until you think about it for a while longer :') Xi Ping does this wonderful little trick of fooling you into thinking everything is fine and good and great. I think one of the things that Tai Sui fans debate over a lot is whether it would have been more painful to see Xi Ping cry, or whether the fact that we never do see him just. Give himself a moment to breathe and feel that is the most painful......He comes close to it in one particular chapter, and those who have read it know exactly which one I'm talking about 😚😚

If you have ever read any of Priest's novels before, then in classic Priest fashion she will tear you apart and glue you back together only to maul you even worse than before. And it's such a great experience!!! You're in tears and you sit there gratefully. When I say Tai Sui changed my brain chemistry on a fundamental level I mean it... I have never been the same person since. The Tai Sui fandom on twitter, best described, is just a bunch of sadomasochists 😭😭👍

I'll stop here because I really could go on forever, but if you need any further reason to start this novel, please just take a look at some of these (not spoilery, don't worry!!!!) posts from my reading thread;

PLEASE READ TAI SUI!!! PLEASE READ IT!!!!!!! WAHHHHH HA HAAAA this novel means so much to me!!!

[bi-bard]

Please Say That You're Joking (Pt.1) - Chuck Shurley Imagine (Supernatural)

Title: Please Say You're Joking (Pt. 1) [You can read part 2 by clicking here!]

Pairing: Chuck Shurley X Winchester!Reader

Requested: Nope

Word Count: 2,930 words

Warning(s): mentions of sex, threats of violence

Summary: (Season 4; Season 11) (Y/n) had a single one-night stand while coping with loss in a not healthy way... if only they had a clue about the weight of their actions.

Author's Note: I was recently going back through some of the "lighter" episodes of Supernatural because I wanted to watch something I could chuckle at. That's where this came from.

This might be the most crackheaded thing I've written in a while.

Also, the amount of things I had to bullshit my way through this is actually ridiculous.

Hey! I did a rewrite of the ending of Supernatural. It took a really long time to complete, so it would mean a lot to me if you check it out. Here’s a link! (it’s on my personal account)

-------------------------------------

Sam, Dean, and I walked into the motel room. We were all confused and slightly scared.

We had gone to a comic book shop to do some work on a case. However, we were then called fans.

Fans of what?

Well, fans of a series of books about our lives.

I was the middle Winchester child. Two years younger than Dean, two years older than Sam. I was beyond confused when I saw some weird, romanticized version of me on the cover of a book.

"This is so weird," I mumbled, plopping onto one of the beds in the room.

Sam jumped onto his laptop and started researching. Dean was holding one of the books, reading through it. I didn't even want to touch it.

"I don't like how he describes (Y/n)," Dean commented. "It's weird. It's like he's in love. Listen to this..."

Dean dramatically clears his throat and starts to read in an even more dramatic voice, "'Even after a hard hunt, (Y/n) could easily be seen as the most beautiful of the siblings. They mimicked the beauty of their mother more than their brothers. There's no bruise or cut that could take the loveliness away from the natural curves of (Y/n)'s face. If only they could see how everyone else would stare-"

"Okay, ew," I muttered, walking to the table. "What'd you find?"

"Well, it seems like Carver Edlund is a pen name," Sam shrugged. "And the fans are intense."

"As in," Dean asked, closing the book and joining the two of us at the table.

"Well," Sam handed me the laptop so Dean and I could look at it, "there's fanfiction. About all of us."

"What's this, 'Sam/Dean'," I asked.

"It's... me and Dean... together."

"They just don't care that we're related," Dean asked. Sam nodded.

"God, this is so weird."

"So, how do we find this guy," I asked.

--time skip--

We managed to find the publisher of the novels and found her house.

"So, you published the 'Supernatural' books," I asked as we walked in.

"Yep," she nodded. "Yeah, gosh. These books... they never really got the attention that they deserved. All anybody wants to read anymore is that romance crap."

"Could not agree with you more," I said. "We're hoping that our article can shine a light on an underappreciated series."

"Yeah, because, you know, if we got a little bit of good press, then maybe we can start publishing again," she replied excitedly.

"No, no, no," Dean immediately shut her down. "I mean, why... why would you want to do that? It's such a complete series with Dean going to hell and all."

"Oh my god, that was one of my favorite ones," she rambled. "Dean was so strong and sad and brave. And Sam... I mean... the best ones are when they cry... like in 'Heart' when Sam had to kill Madison; the first woman since Jessica he'd really loved. When Dean had to call John in 'Home' and ask him for help. Or when (Y/n) went back to the motel room after getting kidnapped and just had to sit in their own head and had to truly process not only the death of their mother but now their father. The mixed feelings were amazing."

"You're a really big fan," I noted. She nodded.

"Gosh, if only real men were that open about their emotions."

"Real men," Dean asked.

"I mean, no offense," she replied. "How often do you cry like that?"

"Well, right now I'm crying on the inside," he muttered.

"Is that supposed to be funny?"

"Lady, this whole thing is funny."

"How am I supposed to know this is legit?"

"Oh, trust me," Dean mumbled. "We're legit."

"Well, I don't want some smart-ass article making fun of my boys," she snapped as she sat in her chair.

"Oh, never," I replied quickly. "We actually are big fans."

"You read the books?"

"Cover to cover," I promised.

"What's the year and model of the car?"

"1967 Chevy Impala," Dean smiled proudly.

"What's May 2nd?"

"That's my- uh... Sam's birthday," Sam replied.

"Sam's score on the LSAT?"

"Umm... 174," Sam said nervously.

"(Y/n)'s first hunt?"

"Vampire in Washington," I answered. "Dean was at the motel sick and (Y/n) almost chopped John's head off when he scared them."

"(Y/n)'s favorite memory that's not related to hunting?"

I smiled, "Helping Sam get ready for a date when he was a teenager because Sam didn't trust what Dean had told him."

"Dean's favorite song?"

"It's a tie," Dean replied. "Between Zep's 'Ramble On' and 'Traveling Riverside Blues.'"

She finally laughed and smiled again, "Okay, okay. What do you wanna know?"

"What's Carver Edlund's real name," Sam asked.

"Oh, no. I can't," she shook her head.

"We just wanna talk to him," Sam continued. "You know, get the 'Supernatural' story in his own words."

"He's very private," she shrugged. "Like Salinger."

"Please," Sam tried again. "Like I said, we're um... big fans."

Sam unbuttoned his shirt enough to show his anti-possession tattoo. Dean pulled his shirt to the side to do the same. I rolled my eyes and yanked the arm of my jacket down and pulled up the sleeve of my t-shirt. I don't wear as many layers as them and I had opted to put the tattoo on my upper arm because I thought it looked nicer.

"Awesome," the lady mumbled before standing up. "Y'know what?"

I looked away as she pulled her pants down.

"I got one too."

"Wow, you are a fan," I slapped Dean's arm. The lady fixed her clothing before grabbing a pen and paper.

"Okay," she said. "His name's Chuck Shurley-"

And I stopped listening after that. I knew that name... why did I know that name... oh... oh no. I'm gonna kill him. We're going to meet this man and I am going to end up killing him.

I followed Sam and Dean as they started walking out of the woman's house.

"Excuse me," she called as we reached the door. We looked back at her. "I'm sorry, but you look exactly like how I picture (Y/n) when I read the books."

I chuckled, "Thanks."

"He describes (Y/n) with so much detail," she smiled. "You could play them in a movie."

"Thank you," I waved as we walked out.

"'You could play them in a movie,'" Dean teased.

"I know who Chuck is," I said, ignoring him.

"What," he asked. I nodded. "How?"

I pointed to get into the car. I got in the back seat and Sam and Dean sat upfront. Dean started driving to the address the lady gave us before I started speaking.

"Okay, when you went to hell, Sam's not the only one who ran off," I explained. "I wasn't gone for four months... just two weeks. In those two weeks, I got involved in a single one-night stand. The name he gave me was Chuck Shurley."

"You screwed the man who wrote books about us," Dean asked, sounding angry.

"Do you think I knew he was writing books based on our lives?"

"He had to have known who you are," Sam added. "This isn't an accident. He has to get visions or something."

"Yeah, I know," I nodded. "He made money off of my name and then screwed me."

"Damn," Dean mumbled. "I missed a hell of a lot."

I rolled my eyes.

--time skip--

I knocked on the door loudly. Sam grabbed my arm, shaking his head at me. The door was opened and I smiled obnoxiously as Chuck. He was in a robe, his boxers, and an old white shirt. He looked tired and like he hadn't had a goodnight's sleep in days.

"Chuck Shurley," Dean asked.

"Chuck Shurley that wrote the Supernatural books," Sam added.

"Nice to meet you," I said. "This is Sam... Dean... and I'm (Y/n)... the ones you've written books about."

Chuck sighed and went to shut the door. I stepped in, stopping it with my foot.

"Listen, I appreciate the enthusiasm, I really do and I remember you," he motioned at me, awkwardly grinning before seeming to shake the memories out of his head. I almost slapped him right then. "But please... go get a life."

"You see," Dean followed me, helping to force our way inside. Sam made sure the door shut behind us. "We have a life... and you're selling books about it."

"Okay, this isn't funny," Chuck mumbled.

"You're right," I said. "We just wanna know how you're doing it?"

"I'm just a writer, I'm not doing anything."

"Then why do you know so much about demons and tulpas and changelings?"

"Is this some kind of 'Misery' thing? Ah, it is, isn't it? It's a 'Misery' thing!"

"No, it's not," I shook my head. "Believe me, we're not fans."

"What do you want then," he asked.

"I'm Sam... and that's Dean and (Y/n)," Sam tried again.

"Those are fictional characters," Chuck yelled. "They aren't real!"

Dean grabbed him and pulled him outside.

"Wait, wait-"

"We aren't kidnapping you, calm down," I rolled my eyes. Dean opened the hidden compartment in the impala's trunk.

"Are those real guns?"

"Yes," I nodded. "And real rock salt, real fake IDs."

Chuck let out a laugh at it, "Well, I gotta hand it to you guys. You really are my number-one fans. That... That's awesome. So, I-I think I've got some poster in the house."

"Chuck, stop," I rolled my eyes, grabbing his arm as he went to walk away.

"Please don't hurt me," he begged.

"How much do you know," Sam asked. "Do you know about the angels? Or Lilith breaking the seals?"

"How do you know about that?"

"Have you not been listening," I asked. "The real question is how do you?"

"Because I wrote it," he explained.

"You kept writing?"

"The books never came out because the publisher went bankrupt," he furrowed his eyebrows.

I stepped back, letting go of his arms.

"Okay, wait a minute," Chuck crossed his arms. "This is some kind of joke, right? Did Phil put you up to this?"

"Oh my god," I muttered, pinching the bridge of my nose. I grabbed his robe. "I'm sorry but I'm really tired. Nice to meet you. I'm (Y/n) Winchester, these are my brothers, Sam and Dean Winchester. You wrote and published books about us, probably knew who I was, and then you still slept with me."

He stared at me in shock.

"What," I asked.

"The last names were never in the books," he mumbled. "I never told anyone about that. I never even wrote that down."

"Then I guess we have a lot to talk about," I let go of his robe.

The three of us followed him inside.

--time skip--

"I got a visit from Cas," Dean explained as he walked in. "I've some important information."

After talking to Chuck and getting a draft of what was supposed to happen, we were all panicking. Dean told us to wait here. Lilith was going to come for Sam and we both thought it'd be harder if there was more than one of us here at all times.

Now, Dean was coming back from seeing Chuck.

"And that important information is...," Sam trailed off.

"He's a prophet of the lord," Dean said, smirking at me.

I shut my eyes, letting my head fall forward.

"Please say you're joking," I mumbled.

"Nope," Dean replied.

Sam looked over at me. He only started chuckling after his brother broke.

Dean was laughing his head off within seconds, "You screwed a prophet!"

"Shut up," I groaned. "I'm gonna kill him!"

"Archangel will kill you."

"I'll happily pay that price," I muttered. "I slept with a prophet."

"At least that means he didn't write himself to sleep with you," Sam tried to comfort me.

"Yeah, God just decided I was supposed to sleep with the guy publishing books about my life," I replied sarcastically. "That makes me feel so much better."

"Come on, it could be worst-"

"Sam, love you, but don't finish that sentence if you even kind of value your life," I muttered.

I was desperate for this conversation to just end.

--time skip--

After all was said and done, and Chuck accidentally helped us chase Lilith away for a while, we gave Chuck a lift back to his place.

I followed him up to his door, offering to look around and make sure that he's safe. He shook his head.

"I have an archangel protecting me," he reminded me. "Can't get any safer than that."

I nodded.

"I'm sorry, by the way," he said. "About us. I didn't recognize you until after... it all... and I didn't say anything because I didn't really know how to explain it. The whole event makes me feel all scummy."

"It's alright," I replied with a chuckle. "It's fine, I promise."

He offered me a nervous smile, "Y'know, in all of my visions, you're the most vivid thing."

With a grin, I leaned over and kissed his cheek gently. I stepped back and headed back toward the impala. I made sure to take note of his nervous and flustered face.

"See you around, Chuck!"

"You... You too," he called after me. I got in the backseat and got comfortable.

"So... screwing the prophet wasn't that bad," Dean asked.

I just rolled my eyes, waving through the window at Chuck as Dean pulled away from the curb. Leave it to a Winchester to end up in a situation like that.

--time skip (season 11)--

Sam and I followed Dean with our guns ready. Dean was following the amulet that he had owned for a long time without even knowing it could show us where God was.

Everyone had been infected by Amara only minutes ago but now it was okay and Dean's amulet was glowing.

"Holy shit," I mumbled, seeing who was walking over to us.

Chuck.

He was supposed to be dead. That's why Kevin's prophet powers had been activated.

"No way," Dean said.

"Hey," Chuck... or God said. "We need to talk."

Despite our understandable hesitation, Chuck reached forward, teleporting all of us back to the bunker. I stepped away from him, slightly overwhelmed.

"(Y/n)," Chuck walked over and tried to grab my arm. I instinctually slapped him. I was nothing but confusion and anger. "I deserved that. Just, please?"

I stepped away again.

From behind Chuck stepped Kevin's ghost. My breath caught in my throat. The poor boy had been through so much shit because of us.

Kevin told us about how we looked stressed and that we should listen to Chuck.

Then, Chuck waved his hand. Kevin turned into a ball of white and blue light before ascending beyond the bunker.

"Where'd he go," I asked.

"Heaven, where he deserves," Chuck promised. I nodded.

I listened to the rant about how Chuck had abandoned us all and how awful things were. Then, the conversation turned to the plan to stop Amara. The boys talked about needing Lucifer and Chuck got incredibly upset. In a fit, he went to leave. I stepped in front of him.

"No," I said bluntly. "Even if you want to avoid the subject of your estranged son, you can't just leave."

"(Y/n)-"

"Sam, Dean," I looked at them. "Give us a minute?"

They both nodded, glaring at Chuck on their way out. I tried to ignore the instincts that were telling me that Chuck was just selfish.

"(Y/n)," Chuck mumbled.

"Just answer my questions," I said. "Then we can discuss what to do with Amara without you storming away recklessly. Okay?"

He nodded.

"Have you been God the whole time," I asked.

He nodded.

"You wrote all of our stories?"

Another nod.

"Did you write that I was going to sleep with you?"

I felt manipulated and angry. I was desperate for an answer. I knew that this could've made me feel like dirt, but I needed to know.

"No," Chuck said. I clenched my jaw, ready to call him a liar. "I told you. I had been pretty much hands-off for a long time. Did I know who were? Absolutely. I'm sorry I lied to you about that. But I didn't plan anything between us. We weren't some divine plan."

I nodded, looking down.

"You know how Dean and Amara are connected," he asked. I nodded, looking back at him. "We're like them."

"And that's not a divine plan-"

"I'm not doing a good job explaining this," Chuck shook his head. "It feels like we're like them. Like there's this bond that just happened as soon as we met."

"You lied to me, for years," I said. "Saying we have some bond isn't gonna fix that."

"I know."

We both fell silent. Slowly, I started laughing. Chuck furrowed his eyebrows, "My only one-night stand... and it was God."

Chuck started laughing with me while I really processed what I had done.

I slowly stopped laughing.

I didn't notice until it was too late that Chuck had slowly gotten closer to me. As soon as his lips brushed mine, I pushed him back. Not hard, but enough to get him to step away.

"No," I mumbled. "Not that, no."

Chuck nodded, "Got it."

"Now," I sighed, "we need to actually plan to stop Amara, and if we need Luci-"

"We don't," he said bluntly. "We can do something else. We don't need him. Okay?"

I nodded. In my gut, I trusted him. Maybe that was me being an idiot but I did trust him. For now at least.

-------------------------------------

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