#god i hope its like Not Bad
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haha heyy its been a while 😭😭 sorry for the lack of activity here,,, school has been kicking my butt + i've gotten SUPER hyperfixated on disco elysium,,,, BUT THE MOMENT I SAW THE ORIGINAL I KNEW I HAD TO DRAW SAM AS THIS RAHSBBFBDN i seriously need to catch up on the recent audios 😭😭😭 ANYWAY enjoy :)
vvvvv ORIGINAL BELOW vvvvv
shhhhghhshhshhsh youre telling me this ISNT sam??? like????
#redactedverse#redacted sam#redacted audio#sam collins#redacted asmr#my art#god seriously my disco elysium hyperfixation has gotten so bad#its a seriously good game you guys#i love harry and kim and jean and judit and RAHDHHDBF#i was hesitant on posting more stuff on here cuz ive gotten traction for my redacted stuff so#i feel like if i post more art people would expect more redacted stuff from me which im not as hyperfixated on anymore 😭#but then i realised i shouldnt think that way#THIS IS MY BLOG#YOU CANNOT COME INTO MY HOME AND ASK ME TO CHANGE THE COLOUR OF MY CARPETS#so ALL IN ALL THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT!!!#I HOPE YOU DONT MIND IF I START POSTING FANART OF OTHER FANDOMS!!!#anyway SAM COLLINS THE MAN THAT YOU AREE AHDNDNGNNDF#im still not over you.
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. I may have gone a bit crazy but also. why would scar say this/lh
outfit is based off of a skin by @ink-ghoul
#secret life smp#traffic smp#life series#goodtimeswithscar#gtwscar#gtws fanart#I Will Never Be Over Secret Life I Fear.#i dont know what possessed me to make this but god Did It.#i was experimenting with texture and its a vibe me thinks.#i hope this is like. good. honestly i dont experiment with shit like this and its turning me in knots.#anyways uh#have this#ignore how my scar design is both inconsistent and somewhat consistent. im bad at it.
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Ray of sunshine
(pre-launch page for their comic)
#I can not wait to make this comic#I have to stop thinking about it or else I cant focus#every time I start thinking about it I get all jittery. I wanna make it so fucking bad its unreal#hope to GOD I can do it full time omfg#I'll need like 500 people on my patreon paying to read ahead. ish. minimum. which is scary ahgkjsahgkjagh#but! I'll be able to put that on patreon! I cant do that right now. so thats cool!!!#just a lot of people AJGLKJGLKJASLKGGA#like it has to do well or I'm gonna have to get a different job#cause. I am NOT working for webtoon again#I cant do it they are killing me#and I'm not getting paid enough for it#I pitched this comic btw and they said they liked it but they wanted me to simplify the plot.#cause it was 'too complicated'#its literally just like. a murder mystery + a romance + a fetch quest#like its extremely not that complicated lmfao#they thought that people wouldnt be able to follow cause theres too much going on.#and I am not interested in simplifying my stories to this extent. I respect my readers and I trust they can follow plots#just. omfg I'm doing it again!!!#I cant start talking about webtoon without going off again!!!#they PISH ME OFF ! HAHAHAHAH#okay. anyways. I have to get back to work now this took me longer than I expected#like 4 hours#I'm enjoying this new illustration style I've been doing though. its fun.#its like 1 layer and then a ton of effects HAHAHAH#we were legion#zagan and luciel#zagan#luciel#how did I make zagan so hot... I'm a genius...#if he isnt hot then no one would put up with his behavior at the start of the ccomic HAHAHAHA
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I hate this fucking manga how am I supposed to have a life and write essays about shit when I sit down start to think and all that comes to mind is some gay little toilet freaks istg it’s a hard knock life
#tbhk#toilet bound hanako kun#jshk#jibaku shounen hanako kun#akane aoi#yashiro nene#aoi akane#hanako#teru minamoto#kou minamoto#it’s them all btw#I love them#but pls I need the motivation to do my work#what I suppose to tell ppl sorry i didn’t do shit mitsukou were being gay so I didn’t sleep#chapter 118 destroyed me on like serval levels#I hate it but I love them but at what cost#do people even read the tags??#Akane aoi you haunt me waking and sleeping#the boy one if that wasn’t clear#I accidentally wrote 188 instead of 118 and all I could think is oh god I hope it doesn’t run that long#don’t get me wrong I love them but like I don’t want it to get bad and dragged out#plus I feel like it’s coming to its logical end#and I kinda don’t want it to run my whole life… like I have other future plans that don’t involve these guys continuing to haunt me
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You know what, I've read enough fanfic. I'm confiscating Madame Yu from you guys
Free my girl- she did the things she's being accused of, but not as frequently or severely as the fandom pretends, her actions are being taken out of context, and her depth is being reduced to that of a Colleen Hoover antagonist
#mdzs#madame yu#yu ziyuan#oh to live in a world that showed her the fraction of the empathy this fandom shows jgy or xy#or as the svsss fandom shows Shen Jiu#even though she didnt do anything nearly as bad as any of those guys#like- she was extra harsh and observant towards wwx but she didnt actually do anything other than enforce rules/punishments#which are noted to be significantly lighter than those of the Lan clan#and y'all know the whole whipping thing was an act right? y'all know she was making a gamble to try and get the wens to leave right?#y'all remember that its noted that wwx would recover in like a couple days right?#she's not some vindictive woman who baselessly hates wwx and beats him for no reason#god forbid a woman be mean and unhappy after being more or less forced into giving up her carrier to marry a man who doesnt love her#and then said man adopts his crush's kid and treats said kid with more kindness than any of his own kids#if y'all were just taking a hard line against beating kids I think I could respect that but no-#fics will condemn Madame Yu and then wubify Lan Qiren in the same breath#the tgcf fandom's treatment of Ling Wen gave me hope but y'all let me down
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spent a month mashing two of my long term hyperfixations together into an AU, bone apple teeth
I wouldn't consider this a crossover as much as an inspired AU because autism brain drew parallels between the two narratives and I think it would be fun to explore the earlier years of the apocalypse, before the world is absolutely decimated (alongside many of the resources), before the fam loses Donnie and Raph, et cetera. I have Plans™
Paying homage to this iconic panel from The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys: National Anthem:
Still finalizing each of the bro's code names, but here are the initial drafts and close-ups of their designs:
Riff-Raph
Donamite
Antimatter Master-Plan
Magic Mic
#louder than god's revolver and twice as shiny#*blends Danger Days and Kraang!Timeline future in my brain* oh we cooking now#representation for early invasion mutant turtle teens my beloved#before they truly see the full extent of the Kraang conflict#I think they originally went into the bad timeline seeing this as a fight they could win#like the season 1 finale against shredder!Draxum#the grim reality is something that dawns on them later#but if the kraang hate one thing its persistent hope and authenticity#what could beings that prize power and assimilation despise more than those fighting them seemingly not taking them seriously?#we be we!! embrace the turtle baby /ref#there's this vision of the turtles speeding through the outskirts nyc jamming to loud music and blasting the hell outta Kraang hounds#fyi this AU is inspired more-so by the Danger Days album and The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys: California than National Anthem#guess which killjoy each bros outfit is inspired by :) guess :)))#the fabulous mad dogs au#tfmd au#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#tmnt#rise of the tmnt the movie#explodingstar art#rise donnie#rise mikey#rise raph#rise leo#tmnt au#rottmnt kraang timeline#danger days
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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it's the one and only you // and memories of us
#everyone hi for the love of god Hello ive made a new gif <3#i hope it looks nice bc really and TRULY my laptop just struggles endlessly when trying to make then TT#but! for my second try at gif making i think its alright :3 one thing abt me is i love using the wind effect. love me a nice lil transition#anyways HI please tell me if this looks nice !!! i had to go thru like 4 stages to get here so im worried if the quality of it is like. bad#svt#seventeen#jeonghan#yoon jeonghan#wonwoo#jeon wonwoo#svtcreations#maddie gifs#rhitag#kpop#scream okay think thats all the tags i got for this...i hope so!!!
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hakudean mini event! cu alter requested by freak anon <3 thank you for the request!!!
#speedpaint will be uploaded soon BHJERFBEFJ#god things are just going really bad for me today#BUT I WAS ABLE TO DO MY FIRST REQUEST#AND THATS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT!!!!#fgo cu chulainn alter#fgo#fgo related#fate grand order#fan art#art#mine#my fan art#my art#phew and its 2 am too HJBFRJBEJHRF#new record!!!!!#also i rediscovered old artstyle and im trying to perfect it#went overboard on this one ehe#BUT i hope you like this freak anon!!!
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what a morning,,,
here's a rant about the pressure community
I've been kinda lurking on pressure twitter for the past few weeks while all this shit went down and i just gotta say... jesus fuck.
I practically had a heart attack as soon as i opened my phone when i woke up and saw zeal was trying to sell pressure. Considering how he changed his profile last night to a strictly corporate one and then this? It seemed like a really hasty decision, and something serious was going on with him.
And yknow what, with all the hate being directed at him right now i don't blame him one fucking bit. I'd probably end up doing the same thing if i was in his shoes. Being autistic as well, i would just want to completely distance myself from this overwhelming bullshit. I think that's why he started to distance himself from the community in the first place (which unfortunately is kinda what led to some issues getting overlooked).
The tweet was deleted and pressure isn't for sale anymore thank GOD, but I'm honestly more worried about the actual people behind pressure than the game itself.
I agree that there's issues they need to fix, but its not an entirely black and white situation, and its pretty fucking complicated. With the sheer amount of people in the community its crazy to expect them to handle and manage everything themself, especially since they blew up in popularity in such a short amount of time, how the hell would they know how to deal with this???
Yes, there are certain things they need to actually address and take responsibility for that they sort of haven't, but attacking them to where it gets to this point isn't the fucking answer.
I wouldn't blame any of the devs if they never touch the game again, the way the community has treated them and has completely blown things out of proportion is insane. I feel like the main issue is the discord server itself but that's just me. From what I've seen its mostly just the community self cannibalizing, attacking each other, sending death threats, and doxxing people over shit that literally doesn't matter at all.
I'm not one to really delve into fandom drama, but this whole issue with certain possessive Sebastian fans and those who took it upon themselves to attack those fans is the stupidest fucking conflict I've ever seen in any fandom. Especially when this stuff reaches the people who work on the games who have nothing to do with it.
I agree that this is something the devs need to talk about head on with full transparency, no matter their feelings on it, because a main problem I've seen with them is lack of community management.
But again, y'all are forgetting the devs are REAL FUCKING PEOPLE, people who are bound to make mistakes, and get overwhelmed, and not know how to deal with suddenly having a giant fanbase. Harassing them and sending death threats is going way too fucking far and wont solve anything, because clearly all its done is made things worse.
Also god forbid they have boundaries and don't want to see certain things in the discord server. I'm not gonna get into the specifics, but as a queer trans person I think some of y'all are reading too much into the things they don't allow, seriously.
Reminder, I'm saying all this as someone who self-ships with Sebastian, and who's not entirely thrilled about him being canonically married. BUT PRIORITIZING A FICTIONAL CHARACTER OVER REAL PEOPLE????? THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YALL???
And to the people I've seen disappointed in zeal's response to all this on twitter, I'm with you, not seeing whats happening in the community doesn't mean these problems don't exist. But think about the shit he's going through, put yourself in his shoes and genuinely try to understand how fucking overwhelming this whole situation is, for him and the rest of the team. Especially after what's happened in the past 24 hours.
Tangent, but am i the only one who's seen a drastic change in the way fandom communities operate in the past few years? Like after lockdown fandom spaces have gotten more and more hostile, and people are just being so fucking mean to each other over the most trivial shit??? Listen I Get being chronically online, because i am, but at a certain point you just gotta log the fuck off and touch some grass, man. christ.
I really hope the devs take a break, they need it. I was excited about the update that was supposed to come out this month but I don't think it will now, and I honestly don't think we deserve it.
TL;DR: Pressure fandom, do better. Speaking from both points of view, no matter the various mistakes the dev team has made, the majority of this is on y'all.
And lastly, I'd honestly rather keep pressure exactly the way it is with no updates and no new stuff ever again than for it to turn into roblox slop like most of the games that are sold off on that platform.
#roblox pressure#pressure roblox#DNI if youre someone who has ever attacked the devs OR the fans#especially if you're a zerum hater yall honestly scare me#man theres a reason i never get into new fandoms and just stuck with the ones ive been in since i was 12#theres always gonna be bad people in fandoms. thats sorta inevitable with large groups of people.#but this is just fuckin ridiculous#like what happened to just ignoring canon and doing your own thing. why are we attacking the people who made the character we love so much?#if a fictional character makes you feel so strongly that you have to threaten and harrass real people you need to seriously get help#im saying this as an autistic person who gets incredibly attached to fictional characters and can get easily jealous over em#yall ever heard of the block button? its great#god. pressure could've been something incredible. it IS something incredible. the story line the plot the world building#but i dont know how its gonna recover from this. IF it even will#i honestly just hope the devs take care of themselves
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!!! FLASHING LIGHTS WARNING!!! [IM NOT FUCKIN AROUND!!]
REACHED THE CUSP OF 'THIS MAY NEVER BE ABSOLUTELY FINISHED N IF I DONT SHOW IT NOW, IT WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY.' SO HERE, A PROJECT IVE BEEN ORBITING AROUND UHH SINCE 2021 OR SO.
#jrwi fanart#THE SQUIRMING IMAGE#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#cw flashing lights#LOOORRD OF LIGHTNING SAAAAVE ME!!!!#RAAAHHHH I LOVETHIS SONG SO FUCKIN MUCH AND I LOVE GILLION SO FUCKIN MUCH RAAHHHH!! RAAHHHH!!!#BUT YES YES I HAD LIKE A WHOLE OTHER HALF TO THIS SKETCHED OUT BUT IT WONT FINISH COOKIN FOR A MILLION YEAARS!!!!#MAYBE SOMEDAY.....#ANYWAY. this is my first time actually syncing audio to my animations. normally i domnt know howww.#i animated it all in fire alpaca AND THEN i mixed everything in a pirated movie maker. it kinda uh. sucks. but its WHAT I GOT BAYBE!!#i relaly like how i animate swishy hair... i was inspird by eris from sinbad. i can only HOPE i got on that level w the watery flowyness#LIUGHTNING IS HARD TO ANIMATE TOO. I WATCHED ALOTTA VIDEOS ABSORBED MINIMAL TUTORIALS AND UHH I THINK I DID OKAY!!#better than bad!!! but i can still do better. eventually. ugh. FLASHING LIGHTS TOO HUH? U LIKE ANIMATINGB FLASHING LIGHT?#U LIKE MAKING THE BLACK N WHITE FLICKER RLY FAST UNTIL UR EYES BLEED OUT UR SKULL?? YEAAAHH YOU DO!!!#im also vry proud o the title cards i made at the beginning teheheheh. dependign on where riptide goes i MIGHT change it#BUT HEY THEORY TIME? I HOPE ONE OF THE GODDESSES COMES DOWN TO PILOT GILLIONS BODY SO THEY CAN BEAT THE FUCK OUT O THE OTHER GODDESS#WHO IS ALSO IN SOMEONE ELSES MORTAL BODY. GODS COMING DOWN TO WREAK HAVOC OVER PETTY DISAGREEMENTS OOOGH HOW FUN!!#GOOD ON YOU CHAMPION!! YOUR VESSEL HAS BEEN TRAINED TO BE STRONG AND HARDY. PERFECT FOR CHANNELING DIVINE ENERGY.#OHHHH WHAT A PERFECT WEAPON YOU ARE. NOW GO AND IMMANENTIZE A WATERY ESCHATON#PARAGON OF OCEANS WRATH I WANT TO SEE YOU DROWN THE LAND. DESTROY!!! EAT!!! BURN!!! RAAAGHH I NEED GILLION TO GET MORE POWER!!!!#ALSO in other news i uh. actually posted this onto twitter forever ago but forgot to post it here bc i can only post it from pc and BABY!!#IM NOT ON THE COMPUTER OFTEN! NOT ANYMORE!! NOT ANYMOREE!!! IM FREE BAYBE!! i used to be so miserable. sometimes i think abt that.#ANYWAY. pls enjoy. just this much took so long. i love makin the lil guys move.... ouh.... hava good day if u get the chance to.
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yk i try very hard to be an optimistic and hopeful person but the levels of desolation and despair i feel rn are near impossible to articulate. genuinely what is wrong with this country
#all of it is basically over none of the options were good but i feel such a pit in my stomach that this is the worst it couldve turned out#and i have to go to bed and sleep and go to class and act like most of america didnt just vote for the worst possible government imaginable#i wish i could articulate myself better bc ik its multifaceted and complicated but god this outcome just feels so bad#and i know i will choose hope still from here till i die but im just letting myself be at a loss rn idk#txt
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"what do hands mean about a character?"
Their hands mean they love eachother
(webcomic)
#i almost wrote 'source' instead of 'webcomic'#that's a little twitter brain rot right there ngl#it's so bad on twitter rn yall like#straight up isn't showing my posts to my followers anymore#and art in general does. so much worse when it's actually the artist posting them#like provably art performs better when the artist pretends they stole it...#so so so glad I'm still on tumblr LMFAO#every time i use twitter i take psychic damage#'ohhhh why do you still use it' everyone is asking me this#my job. is to post art#kinda gotta post#I mean. ok that's not my job#you know this and I know this#but it's an important part of my career#its gonna be my job after i leave webtoon tho#god i hope that works#im so scared#LMAOOOO#anyways. these hands look good as hell#i think all the hands i draw look good#caus i love hands#but i loooove drawing hand holding...#the amount you can say with how a hand touches another.#im gonna be thriving with wwl#cause they have to hold hands or hell die#pump it into my veins#ok i can tell my bf js getting annoyed ive had my phone on for 3 hours in bed by#time and time again#adam and Steve#webtoon originals
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fellas we're once again wrestling with imperfect vs. perfect contrition and why imperfect contrition with a firm resolution to not sin again and promptly receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation doesn't save
#I get that it doesn't but !!!! I don't like it and I think its bad and I'm mad at God#it's definitely not because I only have imperfect contrition and get afraid to die#but like if its a gift from God#so much more of a gift perfect contrition is#but if cooperating with grace only results in imperfect contrition#why is it still damnable#his ways higher than my ways i know the line#this didnt save my other tags ahh!!!#but take this example from movie recently#man is a lapsed catholic#hes murdered people etc. very many grave sins#he has a terrifying near death experience and in the hospital asks to have a Priest come#because he wants to confess his sins#he ends up being denied one and murdered himself#to me (vibes) hes motivated by genuine belief and fear (imperfect) but hes also made#TANGIBLE STEPS to try and receive the Sacrament#he clearly wants to be reconciled and is trying#and the most we can hope for him is the same extraordinary salvation we hope a muslim has or an atheist?#intuitively that seems wrong idk#also moots i just realized this might be scandalous etc. I'm trying to religious submission of mind and will#pls tell me if i ought to delete and i will#also tbf on some level I would get the extraordinary salvation is all we can hope for bc of the efficacy of the Sacraments#EXCEPT for baptism by desire#and specifically the fact that motivation to be baptized does not come into consideration#you die before you can be baptized when you've expressed a desire and are trying to be baptized?#saved. no questions asked.#thats what makes this tough for me
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look i am not a lando norris fan at all but for the lando fans pls have SOME decorum we're all stressed about the race coming up, we all have our favorite drivers that we want to win I get it, this is a crucial part of the race. At least on my views, i don't want Lando to crash or DNF like yeah it would help max but i wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy so at the same time stop wishing it for max, dont wish that for any driver imo because that's childish and rude on top of all this, lemme clarify max will NOT try to crash into lando on purpose (ive been seeing posts like that)... i fear people keep forgetting that max has matured a lot more than people give him credit for. He raced clean in Brazil, the worst he's done as of late was his classic pushing them off track limits move but any other driver would do the exact same thing at the moment in order to secure their championship. at the end of the day, it's so funny how a number of people that the drivers have never met will go on long rants to tear down another driver. I have my thoughts about lando, I get mad too and I say stuff not ONLINE where others can read. i think we all need to calm down keep our thoughts in our head and if your argument is "b-b-but other people are - but other people are doing it they're saying mean stuff!" THEN BE THE BETTER PERSON??? dont stoop to their level thats all i wanna say at the end of the day youre not their parents, youre not their gf/bf, youre not even an acquaintance... you are a person on tumblr... that they don't know... dont defend them to death, dont whine about them to death just watch the damn race, pray your driver does well and if they say or do something wrong accept that they did something wrong and move on with your life thats literally it ok im done ranting lol (i mightve gone crazy in the tags lol)
#f1#formula 1#las vegas gp 2024#brazil gp 2024#lando norris#max versatppen#charles leclerc#carlos sainz#the hate is getting out of hand#yeah i was going through a bunch of anti tags#and came across anti norris and anti verstappen tags#im at fault for looking through the anti norris tags when im upset after a race#i accept what i did was wrong there#but the stuff you all say about max and lando#chill tf out#“i hope verstannies get triple bad stuff” like girl bsfr go outside and touch grass#embarrassing#like actually embarrassing#“i hope lando DNFs” also embarrassing#all of us are fault here#all of us want some driver to DNF for our favorite driver to win#its a thought we can't stop#but posting it online and acting like its the word of God or something#acting like because you said that#your favorite driver is going to win or that everything will be much better#please seek therapy i beg#ik its like freedom of speech you can say what you want but at least think before you post????#this las vegas race is so crucial not just because of the championship but because i know tumblrs going to be in a blaze in a couple hours#and i know theres gonna be so much hate online like bro#cheeto bits
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🍷<3
#when i got hashtag sick i was in hospital and i was doing my regularly scheduled call with my dad#and i really had no plans of telling him bc ive done that before and its not like he can scare the MS away or anything#i dont know what happened. maybe because it was such a fucking bad episode. maybe because i was so tired. maybe it was a secret 3rd thing#but one minute was like fine then i just burst into tears and i was crying so hard which is MEGA EW BC IM NOT A CRIER LIKE THAT#and my dad freaked out and he was like whats wrong and i didnt wanna tell him but I also sounded insane bc i spontaneously started sobbing#and he was getting more alarmed and i was upset that id upset him and so i just spat it out i was like 'listen king'#'its no biggie but my body is trying to kill me again and im just a little sad atm' and he replied 'baba why wouldnt you tell me?'#and this man who has a very big serious job literally dropped everything and took a 20 hr flight over#and he genuinely just grabbed one of his work suitcase because he showed up with nothing but dress shirts and his laptop#and i think maybe it healed me a little. i mean it def also made me sad too but mostly healed me#and he'd been here for a couple of weeks and he left today and i feel shit about being sad about it#again because he has a very big and very serious job and i genuinely dont understand how he even just showed up like that#so I felt guilty throughout#anyway i dont think he drinks anymore but i was like king have a sip of wine with me and he did and it was lovely#and I hope I become my fathers daughter and not my mother's child. praying to both our gods#heres to healing ❤️🩹
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