#god grant me the serenity etc

[itsprobablybetteroffthatway]

just gave my most vulnerable, least coherent share in a meeting so far and im trying real hard to celebrate it and not fantasize about dying in a hole 🤕

[taigastyle]

the only downside of twitter dying an incredible death today is now if i want to post any thoughts about wrestling i'll have to do it here where people with piss poor reading comprehension send me messages telling me to kms because they are bad faith engaging with me thumbs_up_emoji

[night-dark-woods]

the worst part of trying to have my blog be accessible is that i am forced to ignore the comments serenity prayer. hell on earth.

[birchghost]

sorry but having heartburn as a 23 year old is just embarrassing

[solongfranklloydwright]

today i’m attempting a challenge called “attending class on the third floor of a building with no elevator when walking for more than a minute makes me dizzy” where i attend class on the third floor of a building with no elevator when walking for more than a minute makes me dizzy

[beskad]

This little Ferus and Trever ficlet has been ALMOST finished in google docs for like a month oops

The draft expires on Ao3 on January 11th so that's my self-imposed deadline LOL

[snowdrop-yoongi]

.

[pamicakery]

₊✩‧₊˚Manifesting is a conversation ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Whenever you are scripting, Affirming, visualizing etc it's your Godself speaking within you. Giving you a sneak peek of your present if you trust it.

Seeking validation, searching for proof, looking at circumstances, 3d, etc is showing that you are not trusting it. It's clearly saying '' I don't trust myself '' '' I can't do it '' '' where is it? '' '' Did you lied to me? ''

That's what confidence it is. It's knowing that you'll receive what you want.

Everything is granted, in imagination you can have anything and everything. But do you believe it? Do you accept it as true?

When you accept it as true you don't seek for proof. You just don't. You don't contradict it. Searching for the opposite. It's a relationship of Giving and receiving. Not imagining and Hoping it will eventually become true.

Rejoice yourself because you have it, be grateful because you have it. Your human self is your most dominant state so.. Be in a receiving state. You are receiving your desire, you a receiving your desire appearance, you are receiving your SP.

Be grateful, thanks God for the blessing you have. You have it. When you are in a receiving state, you welcome your desire, when you affirm, scripting, visualizing you are rejoicing. You are peaceful,serene and in complete trust. And when there is no state of opposition, it flows.

[izzysillyhandsy]

A cool death - Ed's theatrical, performative suicide

"You know, I thought I'd have a cooler death than this. Something like being eaten, eaten by a tiger, or massaged to death by mermaids, or… belly-flopping into a volcano."

It seems I'm not done analysing The Scene from S2E2. It is a wonderful scene, perfect for rewatching - the music, the lighting, the double meaning of the things being said and the things unsaid, and the way it almost feels unreal, artificial and staged.

This is Ed's arranged suicide and he is playing by his rules, expecting Izzy to go along with it (as per usual). And at first, Izzy responds to it.

It is obvious to everyone that Ed is a highly dramatic person who loves the fantastical, symbolism and storytelling; he has a rich imagination and loves to perform. With Izzy, this is more hidden (especially in S1) but in S2 it becomes clearer and clearer that, in that regard, he is not that different from Ed. Both of them creating Blackbeard (their greatest fuckery) is only one example. The Kraken and the Shark is another.

For almost their whole lives, Ed and Izzy have been performing, creating theatrical illusions of their preferred realities to keep them safe, in charge and help maintain a certain lifestyle. But these illusions also helped in covering up their weaknesses (Ed can't kill, Ed can be unstable, Izzy loves Ed far too much, they're incapable of letting the other go, etc).

So is it any wonder that Ed, at his lowest point and just wanting everything to be over with, views his own suicide as a form of fuckery? He needs someone to kill him (the no killing rule extends even to himself) and so he arranges reality in a way to make that happen.

And for Blackbeard, it can never be an ordinary, boring, basic death. His death has to be cool and pretty intense.

Luckily, he has just the right person for the job - the master of real, sincere intensity: Izzy, who would do anything for him, who'd play along and follow him right into the fantasy, who has been with him for so long that he'd just get it.

And Ed makes it completely clear from the start - "I had a dream about you last night. I dreamt that you killed me." - this is about Ed and how Ed wants to die, dreamt up to the last detail. He holds Izzy's gaze. "It was good for me." - please do this last thing for me. He softly touches Izzy's (ungloved) right hand while standing up and getting into position - "I was standing. Just like this."

Izzy, probably half delirious from bloodloss and pain, follows Ed's every move with rapt attention.

So, how does Ed arrange his death? How does he imagine his last ever fuckery, his last shared fantasy with Izzy?

The execution of a mythical creature

Ed positions himself very carefully, at a good distance to Izzy and between Izzy and the stairs leading up to the door, with rays of sunlight coming from above.

From Izzy's POV, Ed must look like an angel ascending to heaven. Ed's posture and especially the way he holds his arms - almost a crucifixion pose - add to the impression. The sunlight frames him like a halo.

Contrary to the beginning of the scene, Ed turns his back to his executioner and calmly closes his eyes. He stands tall, proud and beautiful, accepting his fate with grace.

Perfect, beautiful and untouchable

Ed might be at his most beautiful and sublime in this scene. He is calm, dignified and regal. Izzy isn't granted the same status.

While Ed is a statue of perfection, Izzy lies on a filthy bed below him, drenched in his blood and god knows what else.

He's sweaty, his hair sticks to his face and his clothes are rumpled (and Izzy is normally so well groomed). His leather vest and even his omnipresent right glove are missing, as well as half a leg. He's so weak, he probably wouldn't even be able to sit up properly.

Also, in stark contrast to Ed, Izzy is almost hysterical. He's laughing maniacally, his face is contorted, and he's wildly emotional.

Ed is above it all, tragically beautiful and serene.

Surrendering to his fate

Ed almost projects the image of a hero or a revolutionary being executed by an evil henchman. He's Ed here - not the Kraken or even Blackbeard. His fate is decided by Izzy, Blackbeard's first mate. I think in Ed's mind, it is fitting that the man who "egged Ed on" to stay in his Blackbeard persona finally kills him when he can't do it anymore.

When Stede left him, Ed returned to Izzy without any plan what to do next. When Izzy kind of decided for him (at least that what Ed tells himself I think) Ed realized that he couldn't be what Izzy wanted him to be any more. He escalated the Blackbeard fuckery to become essentially Izzy's worst fear and nightmare.

Now, at the end of it all, he's back to being Edward, Edward who just wanted to be himself. And the man who had controlled him for decades gets to execute him. One last time, Ed is at the mercy of Izzy.

It is a compelling fantasy.

And Izzy finally, finally decides to stop playing.

At the beginning, Izzy seems entranced, a little hopeful, nostalgic and maybe even elated (even if everythings fucked to hell, at least this Ed wants to share with him). But as soon as Ed gets into position and expects Izzy to act executioner to his theatrical, arranged suicide - he just can't do it anymore.

Izzy could never kill Ed in any circumstances, but this must have been like a slap in the face (or, to be as dramatic as Ed, a dagger through the heart).

Izzy destroys the fantasy by essentially treating Ed like a little kid - "Ooh, you scared, Eddie?" and "Clean up your own fuckin' mess". He's not playing the part Ed chose for him, this is not who he is.

Izzy is not Ed's executioner. He is not a maniacal puppetmaster. He's not a higher power and Ed's not at his mercy. Ed is not a perfect, untouchable mystical creature and Izzy is not a hysterical wretch.

When Ed leaves (slightly disappointed, but not surprised, maybe even grudgingly approving), Izzy kills himself. Without any fuckery, theatricality and without an audience.

With his trusted scene partner gone, Ed immediately abandons his dignified hero fantasy. He throws himself into his next fuckery - the deranged killer. I'm quite sure that one wasn't as meticulously planned.

But when Izzy inexplicably comes back, the tables have turned. Izzy, who has finally taken control over his part in their shared destiny, appears on deck in the midst of lightning strikes and thunder. Now it's Izzy who is calm, dignified and untouchable - a mythical creature himself. Back from the dead, indestructible, disarming Ed with an impossible shot.

And Ed? Ed is visibly impressed. God I love those two. For the last time, Izzy is giving Ed what he wants, but on his own terms.

Finally, the crew kill Ed in the most dramatic way possible, in the middle of a fucking storm, on a ship doomed to sink with every soul on board.

Ed and Izzy can be proud - this was the most impressive fuckery of their lives.

[all-seeing-ifer]

getting back on my bullshit for five seconds i feel the need to announce that the worse version of this is people talking shit about ok19 saying "oh it feels like a weird experimental community theatre show" AS IF THAT'S A BAD THING. what is WRONG with you people

sorry I promise I'm normal and don't actually care too much about other people's sexy oklahoma opinions but fucking hate when I see a review of the oklahoma revival that's like "this show is really pretentious" and I go "HELL YEAH IT IS I'll drink to that one bro" and then I keep reading and it's like "and this is why I don't like it" and I'm just. oh. I think we may have very different things we want to get out of this

[itsprobablybetteroffthatway]

🫠

[frankie44]

So like.. I may be grasping at straws but like the choice to say “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change” etc and then play mama immediately after has some Implications. The serenity prayer is like a pre-established thing yes, but to say it specifically before playing mama is what grants it importance, especially with mama becoming a song for transness. Do you see what I am saying?? I do not know if this was Mr way’s intent but I am choosing to interpret

[scooplery]

taking every work day hour by hour right now.. god Grant me the serenity etc

[mmpi-3]

I am being put on a new antipsychotic. God grant me the strength, the serenity, the patience, etc.

[literaticat]

My debut came out a couple months ago and has sold over 16,000 copies so far, which I thought was pretty good? But I never hit any lists, sales are starting to slow down a bit, my imprint isn't promoting my book anymore, and my option offer is for 35% less than my original deal. I'm feeling pretty pessimistic and frustrated (which I suspect might be normal based on talking to other published friends, but it still sucks) and would appreciate any words of advice or encouragement you have for authors hitting the post-release sads.

(I found this in my drafts and for all I know the OP has solved their problem by now, or written in with a similar-sounding but different ask that I answered -- sorry! But hey, I kinda like it, so here we go anyway.)

I don't know if I have it in me to be a rah-rah cheerleader sweetheart here, my advice/encouragement might be a bit more of a cold-water-to-the-face type deal.

-- You are sad about "never hitting any lists" -- but most books don't, you know that, right? Nobody expected your debut book to hit a bestseller list. If it had, they absolutely would have celebrated like hell, but nobody was counting on that -- so maybe recalibrate your expectations around those kinds of things. Lists, awards, etc, are out of your control -- file them under "not happening" -- so if one day they do, you can be appropriately thrilled!

-- Sales are starting to slow down and your imprint isn't promoting it anymore -- sure, that happens, and is normal. Most of the "buzz" around books happens in "the release window" -- aka, near release time when the book is new -- at this point your book is no longer new, and your publisher has newer books to promote. While YOU can and should keep talking about your book to the extent you're comfortable, it's not surprising the publisher has kinda moved on to other books. (Though of course whenever cool things happen, like you get an award, or a great review, or whatever, that will be another potential "buzz" moment -- and you never know when some random TikTokker doing a review of your book will go viral or something! But again, you can't control that, so you kinda need to let it go.)

-- You've been offered less money for your option book -- that for sure happens, particularly when the first book sold for an unusually high price. Like if you got, say, 80k for the first book, which is significantly above "normal" for most books, and now they are offering 55k for the next book, (which is still above normal for most books!) it probably means you are just not close to earning out the first book yet, OR, this next book is a real departure and in a less-popular genre or something. Am I right about any of this?

In any case, though what they offered is out of your control, there IS a certain amount of control you have over next steps. I'd suggest you talk to your agent about it. Is what they offered insulting / way off-base for the kind if book that it is? Would it be a good idea to put a pin in this and wait it out to see if you earn out this year? Should you decline the offer and try your luck elsewhere? OR, is this actually a good offer for the kind of book it is, and a good publisher/editor, and you DO want to proceed? I don't know the answers here at all, obviously, since I am not in your shoes and don't know all the info -- but hopefully your agent will have great advice for you.

Do you see a theme here?

The things that are out of your control are legion, and while it's totally natural to have feelings about them, it's quite draining to give all your emotional energy over to freaking out about them long-term. Indulging long-term frustration and pessimism is damaging to your mental health, and keeps you from doing things that are actually IN your control. (Like, writing a killer next book, for example!) -- so I say, feel your feelings, but also, do what you have to do to let them go so you can move forward.

Let's do the serenity prayer, Publishing Edition:

Book Gods, grant me the serenity to accept the things that are out of my control -- the courage and energy to do the things that are in my control -- and the wisdom to know the difference.

[yrlocalghost]

regarding the previous post/the chara post. god grant me the strength, serenity, etc etcetera not to check the notes