#Ed and Iz should have gone into acting

[izzysillyhandsy]

A cool death - Ed's theatrical, performative suicide

"You know, I thought I'd have a cooler death than this. Something like being eaten, eaten by a tiger, or massaged to death by mermaids, or… belly-flopping into a volcano."

It seems I'm not done analysing The Scene from S2E2. It is a wonderful scene, perfect for rewatching - the music, the lighting, the double meaning of the things being said and the things unsaid, and the way it almost feels unreal, artificial and staged.

This is Ed's arranged suicide and he is playing by his rules, expecting Izzy to go along with it (as per usual). And at first, Izzy responds to it.

It is obvious to everyone that Ed is a highly dramatic person who loves the fantastical, symbolism and storytelling; he has a rich imagination and loves to perform. With Izzy, this is more hidden (especially in S1) but in S2 it becomes clearer and clearer that, in that regard, he is not that different from Ed. Both of them creating Blackbeard (their greatest fuckery) is only one example. The Kraken and the Shark is another.

For almost their whole lives, Ed and Izzy have been performing, creating theatrical illusions of their preferred realities to keep them safe, in charge and help maintain a certain lifestyle. But these illusions also helped in covering up their weaknesses (Ed can't kill, Ed can be unstable, Izzy loves Ed far too much, they're incapable of letting the other go, etc).

So is it any wonder that Ed, at his lowest point and just wanting everything to be over with, views his own suicide as a form of fuckery? He needs someone to kill him (the no killing rule extends even to himself) and so he arranges reality in a way to make that happen.

And for Blackbeard, it can never be an ordinary, boring, basic death. His death has to be cool and pretty intense.

Luckily, he has just the right person for the job - the master of real, sincere intensity: Izzy, who would do anything for him, who'd play along and follow him right into the fantasy, who has been with him for so long that he'd just get it.

And Ed makes it completely clear from the start - "I had a dream about you last night. I dreamt that you killed me." - this is about Ed and how Ed wants to die, dreamt up to the last detail. He holds Izzy's gaze. "It was good for me." - please do this last thing for me. He softly touches Izzy's (ungloved) right hand while standing up and getting into position - "I was standing. Just like this."

Izzy, probably half delirious from bloodloss and pain, follows Ed's every move with rapt attention.

So, how does Ed arrange his death? How does he imagine his last ever fuckery, his last shared fantasy with Izzy?

The execution of a mythical creature

Ed positions himself very carefully, at a good distance to Izzy and between Izzy and the stairs leading up to the door, with rays of sunlight coming from above.

From Izzy's POV, Ed must look like an angel ascending to heaven. Ed's posture and especially the way he holds his arms - almost a crucifixion pose - add to the impression. The sunlight frames him like a halo.

Contrary to the beginning of the scene, Ed turns his back to his executioner and calmly closes his eyes. He stands tall, proud and beautiful, accepting his fate with grace.

Perfect, beautiful and untouchable

Ed might be at his most beautiful and sublime in this scene. He is calm, dignified and regal. Izzy isn't granted the same status.

While Ed is a statue of perfection, Izzy lies on a filthy bed below him, drenched in his blood and god knows what else.

He's sweaty, his hair sticks to his face and his clothes are rumpled (and Izzy is normally so well groomed). His leather vest and even his omnipresent right glove are missing, as well as half a leg. He's so weak, he probably wouldn't even be able to sit up properly.

Also, in stark contrast to Ed, Izzy is almost hysterical. He's laughing maniacally, his face is contorted, and he's wildly emotional.

Ed is above it all, tragically beautiful and serene.

Surrendering to his fate

Ed almost projects the image of a hero or a revolutionary being executed by an evil henchman. He's Ed here - not the Kraken or even Blackbeard. His fate is decided by Izzy, Blackbeard's first mate. I think in Ed's mind, it is fitting that the man who "egged Ed on" to stay in his Blackbeard persona finally kills him when he can't do it anymore.

When Stede left him, Ed returned to Izzy without any plan what to do next. When Izzy kind of decided for him (at least that what Ed tells himself I think) Ed realized that he couldn't be what Izzy wanted him to be any more. He escalated the Blackbeard fuckery to become essentially Izzy's worst fear and nightmare.

Now, at the end of it all, he's back to being Edward, Edward who just wanted to be himself. And the man who had controlled him for decades gets to execute him. One last time, Ed is at the mercy of Izzy.

It is a compelling fantasy.

And Izzy finally, finally decides to stop playing.

At the beginning, Izzy seems entranced, a little hopeful, nostalgic and maybe even elated (even if everythings fucked to hell, at least this Ed wants to share with him). But as soon as Ed gets into position and expects Izzy to act executioner to his theatrical, arranged suicide - he just can't do it anymore.

Izzy could never kill Ed in any circumstances, but this must have been like a slap in the face (or, to be as dramatic as Ed, a dagger through the heart).

Izzy destroys the fantasy by essentially treating Ed like a little kid - "Ooh, you scared, Eddie?" and "Clean up your own fuckin' mess". He's not playing the part Ed chose for him, this is not who he is.

Izzy is not Ed's executioner. He is not a maniacal puppetmaster. He's not a higher power and Ed's not at his mercy. Ed is not a perfect, untouchable mystical creature and Izzy is not a hysterical wretch.

When Ed leaves (slightly disappointed, but not surprised, maybe even grudgingly approving), Izzy kills himself. Without any fuckery, theatricality and without an audience.

With his trusted scene partner gone, Ed immediately abandons his dignified hero fantasy. He throws himself into his next fuckery - the deranged killer. I'm quite sure that one wasn't as meticulously planned.

But when Izzy inexplicably comes back, the tables have turned. Izzy, who has finally taken control over his part in their shared destiny, appears on deck in the midst of lightning strikes and thunder. Now it's Izzy who is calm, dignified and untouchable - a mythical creature himself. Back from the dead, indestructible, disarming Ed with an impossible shot.

And Ed? Ed is visibly impressed. God I love those two. For the last time, Izzy is giving Ed what he wants, but on his own terms.

Finally, the crew kill Ed in the most dramatic way possible, in the middle of a fucking storm, on a ship doomed to sink with every soul on board.

Ed and Izzy can be proud - this was the most impressive fuckery of their lives.

[linssikeittomies]

Teaser for Pivot Points

Masterpost / AO3

I think I'm fucking finally at the point where chapter 3 only needs a few more scenes and some editing! (and knowing me, saying this will lead into several more scenes and a lot more editing...) I can't say that I'm proud of this chapter but I seriously want to get it done before new year... So here's a little teaser so I'll feel obligated to post sooner rather than 5 years later.

--

[Ed and Stede] do a bit of shopping, then head back to the ship to get ready - hours earlier than needed. Stede explains that he’s just nervous and wants to make a good impression. Ed says that Izzy would really be more impressed by a messy and dirty cabin, but he doesn’t mention it would be a bad sort of impressed. It doesn’t work anyway, Stede is set on making things as clean and pretty as humanly possible.

Once the knock comes, Stede gives one final smoothing to his immaculate clothes and hair. He opens the door to a pouting Izzy, who at least has the decency to have put on clean clothes - that particular linen shirt isn't Ed's, even though by all logic that one should still be clean. So she might have gone back to being just Izzy, then. This one is probably Lucius', Ed thinks he's seen the scribe wearing it before. They should do laundry soon, Ed is also starting to run out of clean clothes.

 “Right, let’s get this over with”, Izzy grumbles.

Stede doesn’t let the grumpiness get him down, thankfully. “Lovely of you to join us! I thought we might start with some aperitifs, would you care for some vermouth?”

 “Iz doesn’t really drink”, Ed informs him before Izzy can make a more scathing remark. He can’t remember the last time Izzy was properly drunk, at most he’ll allow himself to get tipsy, but it must’ve been before the Pants Incident, maybe even before Gideon died. So it’s been a long time, but Ed still remembers how he acts when he’s had a bit too much - gets soft and sleepy, more easy with his affections. Girly, as Izzy calls it, with contempt.

So Ed doesn’t remember the last time Izzy got properly drunk, but he does remember the last time Izzy asked for her hand to be held, and he remembers even better how in the morning she went from Missy Izzy back to First Mate Hands, and vehemently denied ever having liked getting his hair stroked and saying the words I love you.

Ed wonders if he still feels the same. Sturdy, but pliant under the right touches. If he would still make the same noises.

 “Oh? Not even wine? That’s a shame. I have a bottle of Tokay from an excellent year”, Stede mourns.

 “Even I’m gonna need some liquid courage to get through this”, Izzy mutters as Stede guides him to the table, and for a second Ed wants Stede to put his hand on the small of Izzy’s back.

Izzy might not be the only one who needs a drink.

He sits down heavily at the seat he used when Ed came to convince him to eat, and talk some things through.

Ed doesn’t know if it’s significant. It’s the seat next to Stede, closest to the door, furthest from Ed. Stede pours them all a tiny glass of the vermouth, dry and spicy. Izzy looks at it with disdain, and downs it one go. Then makes a face.

 “Stronger than you thought, right?” Ed laughs, and sips his daintily, brushing aside the memory of their first drunken kiss. “Want me to top your glass?”

 “Please - as the host, let me”, Stede intervenes.

Izzy downs this glass just as fast the first one.

 “You’re supposed to savor it”, Stede pouts.

 “I’ll savor it once I’m drunk enough to tolerate this farce”, Izzy shoots back and motions for another glass. Stede lets out a long-suffering sigh and does as requested.

Izzy lets the third pour in peace, Ed notices, and is sure Stede doesn’t miss it either. Izzy's awkwardness about being nice would be cute if it wasn't so goddamn annoying.

 “So. Here I am”, Izzy grumbles, purposely antagonistic. Ed gives him a warning look, which Izzy ignores with glee. “What’s for dinner.”

This is Stede in his element.

 “For appetizers we have boiled corn and onion bread rolls - I was hoping for garlic, but alas, the store has run dry. Our main course is Cheshire pork pie, with a side of pickled cucumbers, for wine we have a red Bordeaux, but you may of course opt for water if you’d prefer. And finally, for dessert, Roach has prepared apple tarts - they might be on the simple side, but I assure you they’re quite delicious.”

Ed has been watching Izzy’s face with amusement - at first it’s just annoyed, then as the list goes on it grows first into disbelief, then amazement, and finally outrage.

 “Fucking hell, you eat like this every day?”

 “No, no! Well, not anymore. This is a special occasion.”

Ed is surprised that Izzy doesn’t push the issue, since he hates excess and luxury. Instead, he takes a sip of his aperitif, savors it discreetly to buy himself some time, but it’s not enough and he can’t think of what to say.

Ed saves his hide and pride. “How’s work gone so far?”

 “We should redo the rigging completely”, Izzy responds flatly, in his element again - complaining. “It’s not an efficient arrangement. We should make port and overhaul the whole thing.Find a sailmaker.”

 “Is it in that bad of a condition?” Stede asks, worried.

 “Nah, but a sailmaker’s always good to have onboard”, Ed says.

Izzy suggests a port, and Stede promises to consider it. Then he tries some light conversation, but it doesn’t work out the way he hoped - Izzy is either thorny or tight-lipped. So they switch back to more professional matters, and even if Stede is a little disappointed, he’s also happy that Izzy is taking part without being properly drunk. Just tipsy enough that he doesn’t feel the need to be an asshole, and Stede is always happy to learn something new. They end up talking mostly about ship maintenance, for a good few hours. It lets Ed drown himself in a few more pleasant memories as he lingers on the outskirts of the conversation, offering only a few words here and there, between longing looks at Stede's hands and Izzy's face. It's gotten a lot older since they first met. It's comforting. Knowing it's still here, after all they've been through together. Hornigold, the Kraken, Stede. It won't run away from him.

The drinks undoubtedly help Iz to forget keep track of time, or he would’ve left right after finishing his food. He also forgets to act like he’s been forced here as a prisoner. It’s rare to see him wound down like this, which might be the reason he drinks so rarely in the first place - doesn’t like having his guard down and his image ruined. He’s not a happy drunk, per se, unless he starts in a good mood. But he does always get a little absentminded no matter his starting point.

 “We should do this again soon”, Stede suggests happily as he nurses his second cup of tea - the one he hadn’t had the heart to sell. Aforementioned absentmindedness must be the reason Iz replies with a simple sure instead of a complaint, and the cup of quality coffee from the same haul as the tea can only help matters. Ed sees the surprise on Stede’s face and lifts a finger to his lips - better shush him before he says something to make Iz notice his lapsus.

 “But we need supplies”, Iz continues thoughtfully. “We should be running low on flour and potatoes.”

 “Roach told you?”

 "Lucius. He - spends a lot of time in the stores."

 “I wonder how Roach keeps track of everything, since he can’t read", Stede muses out loud, completely missing the fact that his scribe's favorite noodling spot is right next to everyone's food.

 “He can count and he has experience”, Iz explains, not very thoroughly.

 “He should count more sugar, we’re constantly running out”, Ed butts in, trusting Iz to latch onto that.

 “You know it’s because you put seven damn lumps in each cup! It’s undrinkable at that point you damn sugar mite!”

 “It’s not the right amount of sweet otherwise!”

 “Just eat it straight! That’s what you’re basically doing anyway!”

 “So I like sweet things. That a crime now?”

 “Unmanly is what it is”, Iz whines, in a not very manly fashion.

 “Being unmanly is fun every now and then. As you know.”

 “I guess”, Iz amends, and grins faintly. Then suddenly he remembers Stede isn’t supposed to know about that, and he jumps up, pointing an accusing finger at Ed. “The fuck I’d know! Whatever he’s been saying about me, it’s not true!” he tries to convince Stede, who has no idea what either of them is talking about.

 “I promise Ed has only said good things about you”, Stede tries to calm him, and it’s a lie. Ed has complained about Iz plenty.

 “Well of course it was good for him!”

 “You seemed to like it plenty”, Ed teases before he gets hold of his drunken brain. He didn’t mean to ruin the night, he didn’t want to make Iz feel bad, he doesn’t want Iz running off and cutting their night short when they were getting along so well. “I’m sorry. That was out of line.”

 “Yeah, it was!” Iz yells angrily, but there’s an edge of panic in there.

 “I haven’t told him. Haven’t told anyone”, Ed promises. He really hasn’t. Not just for safety, but also because Iz has always been so dead set on hiding Missy Izzy from others.

 “You really haven’t?”

 “I haven’t.”

Iz deflates with relief and sits back down. Everyone is silent for a while, mood definitely ruined, and Ed is mentally kicking himself in the head.

 “Well”, Stede finally says awkwardly. “I suppose it’s nearing bedtime. I could read us all a story - or, less read and more telling from memory. Seeing as how all my books of fairytales were thrown out.”

Iz barks a laugh at that, and the coffee nearly sloshes out from his cup. Ed makes an apologetic face, even though Stede has already forgiven him for throwing out all his stuff.

 “You ninnies have fun crying over children’s stories, I’m going to bed.”

And Iz gets on his wobbly feet. Ed wants to offer his help, but with their new strained relationship Iz isn’t likely to accept - and Ed’s in a volatile enough state of mind to not know how he would react if Iz rejected him.

 “We’ll get you to attend one of these days”, he boasts instead. Izzy rolls his eyes and gets going.

 "This was a lovely evening, we should do it again soon!" Stede calls after him, and Iz gives him the bird. But doesn't say no.

[amuseoffyre]

Don’t Tell Mama - OFMD SMAU

27-28

It wasn’t a complete disaster. Admittedly, that was being quite charitable but they had received some applause and some laughter, so some positives! And there were quite a few people in as well, even if a large cluster of them seemed to be very drunk men in football tops. They’d booed and yelled so loudly they’d scared off poor Mr. Buttons’ bird.

“Now!” Stede called out, trying valiantly to bring the audience back under his sway, “Since this is a special night for us, for one round only, the drinks are on me.”

In hindsight, given the crowd, he should have anticipated it, but the soaring arc of beer through the air still caught him by surprise. It hit him from head to toe, absolutely drenching him, as the football boys all roared and one of them yelled “Drinks are on you now!”

Dragging beer-sodden hair from his eyes, he didn’t quite catch what happened next, but there was some concerted yelling from the direction of the football lads and once he’d blinked his vision clear, he saw the entire unpleasant little group being marched out the door by a trio of men in black.

“Boss?” Olu tweaked his elbow. “Here.”

Gratefully, Stede accepted the towel Olu was holding and dabbed at his face. As always, the perfect prop manager.

“Well, that was exciting, wasn’t it?” he said to the room at large. “Nothing like an unexpected golden shower, is there?” From stage-left, he heard a bizarre choked sound from Lucius as he tried to remember the next act on the list. “Now, while I go and clean myself up, please enjoy the warblings of our own Swedish Nightingale.”

Thank God he’d planned ahead for several costume changes throughout the show. While the rather fab white number was a mess now, he got out of it and into the turquoise suit in a matter of minutes. His hair would have to wait, but at least he looked dry and a little more presentable.

From the edge of the stage, tucked behind the gorgeous red velvet curtains, he peeped out to see how the Swede was getting on. Her Valkyrie costume definitely needed a bit of work, slipping down here and there, but the voice by far and away made up for it.

Stede took a chance to glance around the audience too.

The football hooligans were definitely gone, which was a miracle in itself, and he could only see one of the three black-clad men now. He was sitting by the bar, leaning back against it, but he must’ve noticed Stede tweaking the curtain because his dark eyes met Stede’s and he winked.

Not the kind of person Stede had expected to attend, if he was honest, dressed head to toe in black leather, cascades of silvering black hair and beard and a truly impressive number of tattoos on display. But he was smiling and he’d got rid of the troublemakers, so that was something, wasn’t it?

Stede waggled his fingers in bashful greeting, then ducked back behind the curtain.

“You spotted the Daddy horde, yeah?” Lucius muttered from beside him.

“Daddy horde?” Stede echoed.

“The leather daddies? The ones who got rid of the arseholes?”

“Is… is that the technical term?”

Not for the first time, Lucius gave him a look that said he had a lot of homework to do. Well, if this particular Leather Daddy was still there after the show, he would make a start on it!

 -----------------------------------------------

It was turning out to be a fun night after all.

Ed hadn’t been fussed about a new bar opening up in the area. Why would he be? He was the best at what he did. No need to worry about it. Then Izzy got his knickers in a twist – great phrase that, he’d heard Bonny use it once and immediately stolen it – about some ‘fancy fuck’ trying to hone in on their business and steal their audience.

Ed would never have said he was a cat kind of person, but of course the second Iz said they should blackball the joint, Ed was already on his way across the road to stick his nose in. Took Ivan and Fang along for good measure and fucking good thing he did too.

Their host – ‘the Gentleman’, he called himself – was handling a room about the same way a toddler would handle a chainsaw. It should’ve been a trainwreck, but it… wasn’t. The man bounded about, all energy and enthusiasm and frills and froof and accidental innuendoes that had Ed laughing until his sides were aching.

The crew were… eh. He’d seen worse. A bit green. Needed some practise and some decent direction, but a couple of them had some stand-out skills. The knife-thrower, definitely. Costume was shit, though. Needed some flash, some drama. Same for the singer. Not lip-syncing, which was fucking impressive, but the poor bugger’s frock was too big. The last act was a guy was playing a funny-looking guitar for a so-so drag routine.

He leaned back against the bar and took a sip of the fancy drink that the barman had slipped to him, something pink and blue and tooth-achingly sweet.

“Enjoying the performance?”

Ed twisted on the stool to find the Gentleman perching next to him, his damp hair the only sign of his beer encounter. “Not bad for a first night,” he said, tilting the glass towards the man. “You’re the one to thank for this?”

“I rather think I’m the one who should be thanking you,” Mr. Gentleman said, beaming. “And saved by a fellow Kiwi! Fab!”

Ed rolled his eyes with a chuckle. “Ah fuck off,” he said. “Just handling them the way they needed to be handled.” He raised his eyebrows at the man. “You need to think about having someone on the door. Need to keep the arseholes out.”

“Lesson learned,” the Gentleman agreed amiably. “I didn’t think they would be quite so… enthusiastic.” He folded his hands together in his lap. “Are you in the business too?”

“Mm.” Ed took another sip. “Work across the road. The Queen Anne. Most people just call it the Queen these days.”

The Gentleman’s eyes went wide. “Do you work for Lady Blackbeard?”

Ed fuckin’ nearly inhaled the cherry and cocktail stick. “Do I work for–” Fucking hell, that was a first. “Yeah, technically, I guess I do.” He spun around on the stool properly to face the man and held out his free hand. “I’m Ed.”

The Gentleman beamed at him, clasping his hand. “Stede,” he replied. “Delighted to meet you.”

“Yeah,” Ed echoed, bewildered. “Delighted.”

Prev / Next

[slovenlyrecordings]

A ton of reviews just in courtesy of Terminal Boredom (they still hate 10" records):

ANMLS s/t LP Chilean street punko's who love to shout together - a lot and often. Reminiscent of 80's Spanish language boot-stompers Cicatriz, Eskorbuto and the like, but with added filth-blown guitars that are left tryna' cut through layers of amp cone dust and a seeping to the surface 70's rock cockpunch. The hardcore leanings and gang vocals calm a tad as the sides play on and I'm starting to hear echoes of John Reis riffage in the aptly titled "Instrumental" and the flip's opener, "V'amanos De La Ciudad". Thanks to "Pirata" they practically give you an Oi anthem at the end. Sort of a shock to see Slovenly head in this direction, as I'd expect the band to hook up with Lengua Armada, Sorry State or some other stateside stable of cellar dwellers. Is Ruleta Rusa still active? These cats should team up with them for a US stretch. Either way, I have no real knowledge of international hardcore (outside of Italy), so I'm gonna' shut up now and let you dig in on your own.(RSF)

The Cavemen "Nuke Earth" LP "Nuke Earth" is the third time these sleaze-Zealanders have been found rifling through the rubbage bins of garage shock past to toss a full platter. The best tracks within float to the surface - kinda' like pull tabs or smoke butts floating in the fetid water of a gas station squeegee bucket - and scramble about, attempting to create something along the line of a budget-punker's K-Tel collection. These cavemanish boys crank things off with "Lust For Evil" a tune that's got one boot planted firmly in the Oblivians camp and the other can be found kicking the 'Tards squarely in the gonads. Leather-jacketed riff warriors, hopped up on CPC (get it?!) and unleashing dueling leads and hostile vibes aplenty. "Janey" lightens things a tinge with some boozy balladry and organ rottens the rock during tunes like "Batshit Crazy" and "Concrete Town" in a way that could bring both Lost Sounds lovers, Spits fanatics and tattooed MCD car-show greasers lovingly together for a sock hop. Duster-huffers will rejoice to the dum-dum Dictator clunk of "Chernobyl Baby" and "Thug" which reeling in a meaty Gizmos/Penetrators spew. "Dont Wanna Hang" strips veneers in guitar frazzle and New Bomb Turk velocity. It's like having the Las Vegas Shakedown start up again, right there on your very own turntable! The parts may be aftermarket, but there's gonna' be some paunchy yet pleased turkeys around these forums real soon. (RSF)

ぐうたら狂 Gūtara KYŌ s/t 10” Damn, this here is a firecracker! What lies within these grooves are obliterated Teengener-ized riffs, and demented psycho-wails, all walloping upside the punk velocity of something akin to prime 80's Gauze. "Drive" got a lead that's reminiscent of a garage slop take of an old Soundgarden tune (I'm dead serious!) and it's pokin' out of a deteriorating Stalin bootleg. "Daydream" and "It's Gotta Be You" ride along hardcore gallops, rendered futile due to some of the gnarliest production filth since Tim Kerr was knob twisting. The shining light in all this scree would be the soulful belter "Romance" that kicks off the flip. This gold star doom rocker features strained crooning and a truly putrid solo that's - of course - blown all to snuff. It wouldn't feel outta' place on that 'Tokyo Flashback' sampler at all. Fo' real tho' - this platter could clear the sinuses of the most jaded of High Rise fan. Hell, Gutara Kyo is good enough to make me overlook the fact these songs are pressed up on the lamest of all formats (the dreaded 10") with a goddamn dumb 45 hole. Hey Pete, knock it off! All snark aside, I'd still tell folks to buy this, even if it was only available on floppy disc. Scum Stats: 100 copies pressed up on red and black splatterwax.(RSF)

Hand & Leg s/t LP Greek duo doing their best impersonation of that gluey/Krauty/fuzz-buzzy sound that the French has dominated for the past decade. This co-ed bass and drums act strips their music down to the bleached bone, leaving the sorta' repetitive weed-wacker chops and threadbare beats that Wire fans should froth over. Standout tracks like "Dogshit Country" lighten the low plod load a smidge, letting the high strings shine as if Godheadsilo was taking on a Volt tune. "Bloody Hole" closes us shop in a full two minutes of tone drone and irritated wail before the "song" proper takes flight within a spattered cacophony of pie-plate thwack and chanted vocals. Soothing to one's skull as This Heat. Dig yer feet in the sand, people. Scum Stats: 100 on clear vinyl.(RSF)

Häxxan "The Magnificent Planet Of Alien Vampiro II"" LP Nasally Israeli psych-boogie, for the moderne youth market. The press release mentions playing with Ty and them Fuzz comparisons are pretty on point in these here grooves. They also trot out bratty, childlike pop tantrums that should speak to the Burgerooligans that follow these updates as well. What you mostly get on this is quiet/loud dynamics pushing out a Black Angels/Frijid Pink hybrid. There's quite a bit of local flavor in their guitar pyrotechnics, so world-beat freaks and psych aficionados should perk up. Most of it makes for a fine fried background rock, but nothing is really sticking to my maw. A couple of tracks do stand out - "Circle Of Quantum" and "Snakes In My Hair" - both nearly seared my eyebrows off like the best moments of C.A. Quintet "Trip Thru Hell" with swirling, woozy leads and vocals lost in the arid desert wind. The whole ride is easy to digest and makes for decent afternoon accompaniment, but gotta' say I wanted more like those two aforementioned tracks. Better than the countless Ty & Dwyer clones we've had to weather so far. Better than the King Gizzard knock-offs to come. Let's just be happy today.(RSF)

Νόμος 751 (Nomos 751) s/t LP Electroshok-rockers that clatter along like a Grecian Metal Urbain. Drum machine robot riddims and twisted rockabilly riffs fighting against various space trash splatter and the occasional Spits-take on skate punk. There's a Grande Triple Alliance vibe rippling underneath that's hard to shake as well as more than a couple nods in the early Red Mass direction I use to enjoy (long before that act stank it up with Mac Demarco's hair-footed guest spots). I should ramble more about the tracks involved, but my janky-assed computer's 'bout to crash for yet another twenty minute interval - so I'm just gonna' go pogo about like some metaloid mutant instead. Give 'er a go!(RSF)

Proto Idiot "Leisure Opportunity" LP How the hell did the Hipshakes connection escape me?! Proto Idiot is way less Oblivian and way more Adverts than the 'shakes ever were. This here's a jagged pop-gone-puke to tunes like "Better Way Of Life" and "Angry Vision" - the sorta' stuff Jaytard did solo and that Useless Eater kid slung about. Comparisons to Devoto-era Buzzcocks seems apt, and there's a tad of 'Chairs Missing' up in here too. Honestly, either this is a love letter to the entire UK punker past catalog or I'm just an asshole who thinks so 'cuz of the English accent. Hey - it's the GG King Of The UK! Still, I'm perplexed that I never knew the Hipshakes were related. I'm bad at this game. I'd way rather party with this Proto Idiot than those stuffy shirted Protomartyr's out there. Good Fun. 'Nuff said. Scum Stats: 100 on green vinyl.(RSF)

Subsonics "Flesh Colored Paint" LP In this time of reunions around the corner for every wang-dang-doodle of a band that falls under the Budget Rock blanket, it shocks me to no end that Atlanta's Subsonics have never even given up. I've evidently been in the dark for nearly a decade (Sorry Slovenly/Sorry Subsonics.) as "Flesh Colored Paint" is their eighth full length. The band continues to do what they do best - muggy southern stomp filtered through Marc Bolan flutter and a Cramps-ian cha-cha heel strut. This sorta' glitter shimmer fits snugly nestled in the crotch region, somewhere between American Death Ray, Danny & The Darleans and so on. They've always been in my peripheral and I've witnessed them bring quite a solid live revue in my times, but they've never seemed tough enough to break me during my boozy-fueled heyday. NOW - on the other hand - being older, wiser and actually warming up to the voice of Brian Ferry - this stuff is pretty damn sharp! I'm fully locked down on the track "Begging Hands" here, which proves beyond any doubt that these swingers are as big of fans of Radley Metzger's 'Score' skinflick as I am. Elsewhere they beat on the traps like a Black Time light, less set on grate and more on the grind. "Die A Little", "Cold Cold World" and "In The Black Spot" ride in the Velvet's lil' Reed wagon, possibly playing at the wrong pitch. "I Must Be Poisoned" and "I'm The Most Popular Boy In Town" are cut from the same girl group worship and sequenced catsuit that Kid Congo stitches together with his Pink Monkey Birds. "Permanent Thaw" fires off that Black-Angels-Death violin scrape along its woozy train track clack and tunes like "Why Should Anybody Care At All" feature squirrelly, ragged soloing, as if front-mouth and string-slinger Clay Reed was dry humping his gee-tar on the studio floor (and chances are, he did). A good party platter for the red eyed sect. Now while we're at it, let's wax up them early WorryBird CDs!(RSF)

The Monsieurs "Deux” LP Knowing how much I loved Tunnel Of Love - one of the finest bombastic blowouts to cross my blurred vision in the early aughts - I feel like a lamestain for sleeping on this act for so long. Well, I fixed that over the past few months. Here I am, warming by the fire during this wintry bluster and ingesting another fine Andy MacBain release. Between this stuff and the Andy California EP, he's keeping Slovenly's Gladiators on the garbage rock radar (not that they ever really fell of it in the first place). The opener "Burning Flame" and "I Will Run" are straight up crash/bang shards of garage violence and if you said to me these were lost Tunnel Of Love tracks, I wouldn't argue it one bit. Things chill and take pop-ier turns within tunes like "Suburban Girls" and "At The Hop". Not saying cutesy levels of pop, but there's a definite whaff of catchy albeit retched perfection ala' Nobunny or Ramones girl group grabs. The femmes on deck keep Andy's cock-swingin' machismo at bay, adding great touches of Toody-esque back ups, forceful fuzzed power chords and abusive can bashing. "Get Right Get Ready" is rears a Karp riff and shoves it, clawing smack into the face of some delirious Dollrod slop. That's not a bad place to be - crawling around in a metallic Danny Kroha muck. Wrapping this fast lil' fucker up is "My War", which brings all the above elements to a broil, splattering about like a scorched Love cover turned beat-punk brat psych and going gloriously wrong. A wooly ride. Will ride again. Scum Stats: 100 copies on orange.(RSF)

[embur]

Simplified Spelling

All human beings ar born free and equal in dignity and rights. They ar endowd with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

(In this case it doesn't really change it that much, but the examples next to the rules should be good to gauge how it'd look.)

Alphabet and Combinations:

It's the regular english alphabet.

Rules and Examples:

AE (Æ) and OE (Œ) pronounced /ɛ/

use E aesthetic→esthetic, foetus→fetus, alumnae (unchanged)

BT pronounced /t/

use T debt→det, doubt→dout

–CEED

use –CEDE exceed→excede, proceed→procede

CH pronounced /k/

drop silent H

except before E, I, Y character→caracter, school→scool chemist, architect, monarchy (unchanged)

final double consonant

drop the last letter,

but with –LL only after a short vowel,

and with –SS only in monosyllables add→ad, bill→bil, bluff→bluf, doll→dol, egg→eg, glass→glas, loss→los But retain double consonant in all, roll, needless, a.s.f.

double consonant before silent –E

drop the last two letters bagatelle→bagatel, bizarre→bizar, cigarette→cigaret, giraffe→giraf, gramme→gram

silent or misleading –E

drop the E are→ar, give→giv, have→hav, were→wer, gone→gon, examine→examin, practise→practis, definite→definit, active→activ, involve→involv, serve→serv, achieve→achiev, leave→leav, freeze→freez, gauze→gauz, sleeve→sleev

EA pronounced /ɛ/

use E head→hed

EA pronounced /ɑ/

use A heart→hart

EAU and EAUX pronounced /əʊ/

use O bureau→buro

–ED pronounced /d/

use –D,

reduce any foregoing doubled consonant to a single letter answered→anserd, called→cald, carried→carrid, preferred→preferd, wronged→wrongd.

Do not make this change if the spelling suggests an incorrect pronunciation: bribed not bribd; used not usd, a.s.f.

–ED pronounced /t/

use –T,

reduce any foregoing doubled consonant to a single letter,

change CED/SCED to ST asked→askt, advanced→advanst.

Do not make this change if the spelling suggests an incorrect pronunciation: baked not bakt; hoped not hopt, a.s.f.

EI pronounced /iː/

use IE conceit→conciet, deceive→deciev

–EY pronounced /iː/

use –Y chimney→chimny, money→mony

GH pronounced /f/

use F,

drop the silent letter in the foregoing digraph cough→cof, laugh→laf, enough→enuf

GH pronounced /ɡ/

use G aghast→agast, ghost→gost

–GM pronounced /m/

use M apothegm→apothem, paradigm→paradim

–GUE after a consonant, a short vowel or a digraph representing a long vowel or diphthong

drop silent –UE catalogue→catalog, league→leag, prologue→prolog tongue→tung

But not in rogue, vague, a.s.f.

–ISE and –YSE pronounced /aɪz/

use –IZE advertise→advertize, analyse→analize, rise→rize

–MB after a short vowel

use M bomb→bom, crumb→crum

But not after a long vowel as in comb, tomb, a.s.f.

–OE pronounced /oʊ/

drop silent E,

except in inflected forms foe→fo, hoe→ho foes, hoed (unchanged)

OEU pronounced /uː/

use U manoeuver→manuver

OUL pronounced /əʊl/

use OL,

except in "soul" boulder→bolder, mould→mold

–OUGH

use O/U/OCK/UP according to pronunciation although→altho, borough→boro, doughnut→donut, thorough→thoro, through→thru, hough→hock, hiccough→hiccup.

For plough write plow, but not bow for bough.

–OUR pronounced /ər/

use –OR colour→color, flavour→flavor

PH pronounced /f/

use F alphabet→alfabet, telephone→telefone

–RE after any consonant except C

use –ER centre→center, metre→meter.

But retain –RE in lucre, mediocre.

RH– pronounced /r/

use R rhetoric→retoric, rhubarb→rubarb

RRH pronounced /r/

use R hemorrhage→hemorage

silent S between I and L

drop silent S island→iland

SC– pronounced /s/

use S scenery→senery, scissors→sissors

–SQUE pronounced /sk/

use –SK burlesque→burlesk

silent U before a vowel

drop silent U guard→gard, guess→ges, guide→gide

Y between consonants

use I analysis→analisis, type→tipe

YOU pronounced /jʌ/

use YU your→yur, young→yung

Notes:

The handbook also suggested the following spelling changes, which are not covered by the above rules: acre→aker, answer→anser, beleaguer→beleager, campaign→campain, counterfeit→counterfit, delight→delite, foreign→foren, forfeit→forfit, friend→frend, masquerade→maskerade, mortgage→morgage, receipt→receit, sieve→siv, sleight→slight, sovereign→sovren, sprightly→spritely, touch→tuch, yeoman→yoman.