#god bless Klinger

[nootqueen404]

Shit I didn’t know today was the first day of Spring. Thanks Klinger!

[beechalk]

M*A*S*H is a really good show. It's a shame all the men have blue eyes but what are you gonna do

[mylittleredgirl]

previously on mylittleredgirl: [four seasons of m*a*s*h] [six weeks of screaming about margaret houlihan]

i have now finished season five disc one and a bullet point recap is due! [yeah there's more screaming in it]

bug out was a fucking DELIGHT

god i was so worried though when klinger had to trade all his dresses i was wailing internally. what if he just wears fatigues forever!?!??? but it's all okay!!!! that tassel mod dress he has on in "the abduction of margaret houlihan" healed me ten times over. his outfits have been 🔥 this season.

such a mix of really dumb slapstick comedy and "oh god the war is Right Here" drama and little character sweetness... love it.

and the family reunion happiness at the end!!!! god bless. i left my body for like thirty-six hours.

i really really love the tone they're striking with frank this season. they've walked back the cartoon villainy of late season four, so he's once again a relatively harmless clown. i breathed a huge sigh of relief. he's soooo much more fun this way.

margaret's engagement: bonkers. delightful. she's unbearable. there is so much wrong with her. i want to study her in a jar. i will never shut up again.

with this put together with some bits later in the disc (including that cut scene crayon joke lmao), did she somehow manage to trade DOWN from frank? is that even possible??? it's either that or this new dude is actually just The Exact Same Guy, but now she'll be the fool wife at home instead of the beloved mistress.

i mean personally if i were louise burns i'd be very happy for my dumbass husband to fuck around on the other side of the world for as long as possible while i enjoy the $35,000 house and two cars without him, but for someone like margaret who is far more interested in being wined and dined than running a household, this... may not be the field promotion she thinks it is.

hawkeye rising to frank's defense and him and b.j. enabling frank's little takedown of margaret at the end felt very real. sure, in the grand scheme of things, margaret is Annoying and frank tried to have hawkeye executed last season, but bros before hos.

okay how FUNNY would it be though if the "little redheaded nurse" frank planned to seduce was baker-from-the-nurses, because she would have scratched frank's eyes out for trying and not felt bad about it

and actually, that's a plausible backstory for the extra bad blood between her and margaret, too??? oh yeah. that definitely happened.

i actively missed frank/margaret as the disc went along though. maybe the show had stretched the tension of that relationship as tight as it could go, and it's nice that they get to do new things... but they're so funny and awful together and i miss them sharing scenes!!!

i really assumed - like frank did lol - that they would continue to rabbit around together, only now she would also get to string him along with the jealousy game, but...... well, i'm glad it's still hanging out in the background of the narrative, anyway. i live in hope that they will slip and fuck and it will be soooo messy.

FUCK is it possible i shipped that for real???? god. i don't know if my family name can bear this dishonor.

out of sight, out of mind...

...has taught us the very important lesson that hawkeye is 9000x more annoying without something to do (annoying to everyone else i mean!! not to me. i will happily watch him annoy everyone.)

him asking b.j. to visit him a million times a day 🥺

i'm almost satisfied now by the "doctor-experiences-the-role-of-patient" theme that i didn't get in "hawkeye." i suppose hurt/comfort fic can take it from here.

however i'm totally satisfied by how sweet it was to see everyone taking care of him!! and how much they love him!!

lt. radar o'reilly... devastating. i mean funny and delightful but it's mean!! so glad that boy is back in stripes. however they could have at least promoted him a little for his trouble. sergeant o'reilly???

i have already said more about the nurses (post here) than ever needed to be said. and yet. i'm quite sure i could say more if pressed

the abduction of margaret houlihan

........ will i never be free of colonel flagg episodes 😞

i love the continuing evidence that she has invested time in learning korean, and i really really really love the slow expansion of our perspective to include like oh yeah. there's a village where people live full time and it's literally right here.

imagine if after the war she becomes an ob nurse...

on the one hand, how do they not make frank do gun handling training. on the other hand they probably don't because it always ends with stitches and an accident report.

i sometimes wonder if mash was like jury duty for asian actors in the 70s. you probably won't get to say anything but they call you up and you just have to go.

dear sigmund!!!!!! this is another episode where people were staring at me through the window so i'll comment a little more:

the fandom's favorite guy sidney freedman deserves that crown. what a weirdo. talk about a busman's holiday for a psychiatrist to come to the 4077 for a vacation and psychoanalyze everyone. but for fun!

i really don't have a proper sense of the geography at play here because he really does like. just come by to play cards once a week. and drives through a war zone i guess to do it? he has probably sacked out in the swamp before when the air raid situation changes but this time he just... doesn't leave.

and aaaa!! margaret took her very special episode about How To Make Friends to heart!!!! she joined the poker game!!!

she had plenty of time to work on that lesson though because the jeremy bearimy time shenanigans are in full swing here at the 4077. we went from midsummer in 'the nurses' to a bitter cold march two episodes later.

i always kind of assumed the mash weather was loosely inspired by real human weather, but no, in fact the actors just have to randomly suffer in parkas or getting sprayed in the face to look sweaty in alternating weeks regardless of the surrounding conditions.

SUFFERING for their ART

also jfc b.j.!!!! dunking frank in cold water in freezing temperatures is a serious health and safety concern my dude!!!!

i'm afraid b.j. is still not beating the little brother allegations, he has just aged up from innocent baby to fucking gremlin

(i should confess that my little brother diagnosis is guided by the fact that in my complex family and housing history i only ever lived with "brothers" younger than me, and never older ones. but the innocent baby and prank gremlin stages are real.)

i made a note here of "margaret randomly drinking gin in the swamp now!!?!??" like the poker game was one thing, people could strong-arm her into that while she feigns protest, but ma'am WHO are you and what have you done with— and then the next note is "oh good she's still insane"

potter named his horse sophie <3 also he's collecting granddaughters, i think the count is up to 3 now. or baby sherry is experiencing a temporal anomaly of her own!

the letter radar wrote to the dead guy's parents and potter reading it... fucking ended me. please let harry morgan do serious bits more often, it's outstanding and far too rare.

it's not surprising that frank's wife changing (wearing pants! doing activities!) would stress him out, and not just because he's a dick. any of them would struggle with their families growing without them, because that means they can Never Go Home to the life they left!! (e.g. trapper losing it because his girls were getting older.) but it is kind of fascinating that he loves both his wife and margaret, and even said mid-fever that he wanted them to be friends, but he also wants them to be NOTHING alike.

all in all it's understandable that sidney would check in to the no boundaries motel to have his poker buddies shake it out of him, but he could also have taken his leave somewhere with indoor heat. so he's as crazy as the rest of them. <3

also they're not his patients he's just observing them like zoo animals so forget confidentiality he's absolutely gonna write a book about them someday.

mulcahy's war: i don't know why i have been misspelling his name with an 'e' the whole time because it was literally in the end credits of almost every episode for four seasons.

oh god he's so precious i don't talk about it enough. playing poker for orphans. feeling like he doesn't do enough while potter thinks he has the hardest job. that unrelenting positive regard for everyone. always with that little grin.

that little grin in FULL PLAY as he sneaks out of the house to go off to war when dad's not looking

radar should never be sent on a mission where people are bleeding when will they LEARN

corporal cupcake deserves every medal he gets!!!!

frank's foot fetish becoming his one true medical specialty is just. i don't know what to do with this. good for him??? do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life???

speaking of unrelenting positive regard, margaret's policy of nurses never talking back to the doctors in the operating room sure has taken a hit. i realize this is about frank being an intolerable ex, but i choose to believe that the detente between margaret and her nurses has turned the O.R. into a pvp zone. the next time hawkeye tries to seduce a nurse over an open body, he's gonna get wrecked and margaret's just going to shrug pretty and look the other way.

in conclusion: season five is soooo gooooooood!!!!! can't wait for disc two!

[majorbaby]

u know, u dont have to answer this but u keep mentioning a sidney post you made that you're not satisfied with bc u wrote it much earlier in ur mash analysis, and i have to wonder what you'd say about him now, as a character, as a narrative device, etc?

Sidney is so much a tool for storytelling that I would liken him to punctuation. He exists to draw out the inner thoughts, fears and desires of our more three-dimensional characters, most notably Hawkeye but also Margaret, Klinger, Charles and the patients he treats on the show. Their psychoses are so often based in their fears, their denial, their disbelief, their unwillingness to take personal responsibility for their circumstances – which is not usually how real mental illnesses work, but still makes for good television. 

I’ve also used to term “Sidney ex machina” to describe his function:

Deus ex machina; plural: dei ex machina; English "god from the machine" is a plot device whereby a seemingly unsolvable problem in a story is suddenly or abruptly resolved by an unexpected and unlikely occurrence.

The 4077th will hit a wall with a patient (sometimes the patient is Hawkeye) that they cannot overcome, because they’re experiencing an illness of the mind and they don’t specialize in that type of illness - although you could make an argument for Hawkeye “therapizing” his friends (Margaret in Images, Radar in Hepatitis, BJ in Period of Adjustment) but he’s still not trained. When this happens, someone will go “get Sidney on the line” and every time without fail, Sidney successfully fixes the problem. This wouldn’t land so well if he was a recurring character on the show. 

Hawkeye is so in touch with the inner workings of his own mind and heart I wouldn’t necessarily put it past him to be able to monologue his way through his problems, coming to the solutions on his own (maybe with the exception of GFA or Bless you Hawkeye) but you still get the sense that he already knows the answer, he just needs someone to help draw it out of him. That’s Sidney’s role. He’s really just there for Hawkeye’s voice to have something to bounce off of so it becomes audible to himself and us, the audience. 

There’s one brief exception to Sidney being used this way and lol, it’s no surprise to me its in the Written-by-Alan-Alda Dear Sigmund. Alda’s episodes do tend to deal more with character drama, and I imagine he couldn’t resist taking a stab at Sidney. We learn that Sidney’s struggling with the loss of a patient – but only after Hawkeye and BJ read his private letters, really his journal, which is rude as fuck btw, but to me unintentionally emphasizes how much of a barrier there is between the audience and Sidney’s thoughts/feelings/fears/desires. But I can’t think of any other occasion where we get to see what’s beneath his calm, cool, professional exterior. 

There’s other times I was curious about that.. In War of Nerves he’s supposed to be at the 4077th as a patient, but he leaves the mess tent because he has a head injury that no one is considerate of, and he ends up treating people when he’s the one who’s supposed to be recovering. 

If you choose to see Hawkeye as getting progressively worse as the war wears on him (and idk if I do personally because the show is so episodic but that’s another post) then I have to wonder what it feels like for Sidney to have to keep treating him, especially in Goodbye Farewell Amen, where we finally see a crack in Sidney’s normally neutral expression, his consummate professionalism, as Hawkeye comes clean about what really happened on the bus. Like… they’re friends, it’s already ethically questionable to have Sidney treat him, and then we see exactly why that shouldn’t happen when Hawkeye is understandably upset that Sidney has decided to send him back to the 4077th. There is a moment of forgiveness and gratitude that passes between them in Sidney’s final scene in the series when Hawkeye thanks him, not insignificantly while he (Hawkeye) is performing surgery (to me it feels like a nice callback to OR), which he’d previously wondered aloud to Sidney whether or not he’d ever be able to return to. 

And here I am again saying that “flat” characters, of which Sidney is MASH’s best example, aren’t poorly written when they’re fulfilling their intended purpose, which Sidney does very well almost every time we see him. He’s so good at his job that it even feels weird for me to talk about his thoughts and feelings in fic, I want to get him in there, have him draw out the interiority of whichever character he’s in conversation with and then be like “glad we had this chat, peace” and actually that is how I see him being used pretty regularly in fic. 

Btw this is the Sidney post that gets on my nerves, not because I disagree now with what I said… actually that post is just this post stated too simply for my liking and it got way more traction than I ever imagined it would, so obviously it appeals to something that people feel, but I didn’t state what it was. It’s so vague it reads like a fandom in-joke. So thank you for giving me the push to show my work. 

[remyfire]

What would u consider a dream/nightmare blunt rotation with the members of the 4077th

I personally would LOVE to pass a blunt around with Hawk, Sidney, and Klinger. There'd be a lot of laughing, meandering, philosophizing, and getting to the heart of some fears and anxieties, and ultimately waking up the next day feeling fed rather than depleted.

I can think of nothing worse than a blunt rotation with Frank, Flagg, and, god, probably someone like Radar, bless him. Any other people in attendance, then maybe I'd have Radar there, but that specific combo would be a den of paranoia, anxiety, suspicion, and I probably would not be allowed to leave the tent until I answered enough questions sufficiently to prove that I was a Patriotic American, while meanwhile Radar is just sitting in the corner and narrating his vivid hallucinations about planes getting shot out of the sky and chickens. Horrible.

[genderfluidswagnesscontest]

Completed Swagness Bracket!!!!

Here is the finalized bracket!! My apologies if it’s a little janky, but hopefully it’s readable. If not, the matchups are listed under the cut!

Round 1 Matchups:

Left Side -

Double Trouble (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power) VS. Osana Najimi (Komi Can’t Communicate)

Link (Legend of Zelda franchise) VS. Joseph Joestar (Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: Battle Tendency)

Alex Fierro (Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard) VS. Cybersix (Cybersix)

Narciso Anasui (Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stone Ocean) VS. Captain/Agent 3 (Splatoon 3)

BMO (Adventure Time) VS. Crowley (Good Omens)

Naoto Shirogane (Persona 4) VS. Odo (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)

Sanji Vinsmoke (One Piece) VS. Saiki Kusuo/Kuriko (The Disastrous Life is Saiki K.)

Teruki Hanazawa (Mob Psycho 100) VS. Jessie & James (Pokémon)

Right Side -

Riley Anderson (Inside Out) VS. Olivier Song (Hello from the Hallowoods)

Klaiver Gavin (Ace Attorney) VS. Bugs Bunny (Looney Tunes)

Haruhi Fujioka (Ouran High School Host Club) VS. Red Son (Lego Monkie Kid)

Shī Qīngxuán (Heaven Official’s Blessing) VS. Envy (Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood)

Mollymauk Tealeaf (Critical Role) VS. Klinger (M*A*S*H)

Grendan Highforge (Drawtectives) VS. Ranma Saotome (Ranma 1/2)

Luz Noceda (The Owl House) VS. Luigi (Mario Brothers franchise)

Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) VS. Viola (Twelfth Night)

[klingerfashionarchive]

god bless you for your service. there can never be too much of klinger giving cunt on my dash

thank you old anon. fashion is the second most important thing on this blog. cunt is the first

[wausaupilot]

Wausau area obituaries September 25, 2024

Obituaries are a community service courtesy of Helke and Brainard Funeral Homes.

James C. Klinger James (Jim) Cyril Klinger was born January 9, 1942 to Melvin & Vernetta (Mitzie) Klinger. He left his earthly family to be with his Lord and heavenly family on September 20, 2024. He is now with his parents and daughter Julie Klinger LaVake watching over us. Jim married his true love, Jeanne Louell Wendorf on February 2, 1963 at Trinity Lutheran Church in Wausau. God blessed…

[claredanko]

updated my article folder with a bunch of new stuff - its all film/tv studies with a specific focus on horror but i also have stuff on gender, trauma, true crime ethics and more. feel free to download whatever interests u! my current faves are “perkins on worldhood” “postmodern horror” “mediating torture” “digital monsters” “barbara klinger film history” and “...horrality texture of horror” but everything in the folder is worth reading imo so go forth and enjoy MWAH

[corporalcaptainnincompact]

Have Yourself a M*A*S*Hy Little Christmas!

I almost forgot to wish you a Merry Christmas from everyone at MASH- Trapper Maclntyre, Henry Blake, even Frank Burns, "Hot Lips"Houlihan, future used-car dealer Radar O'Reilly, Ginger Bayllis, Father Mulcahy, Corporal Klinger, all the ladies of the ensemble, and of course, me, your loving son and unsuccessful draft dodger, Hawkeye.

[quordleona03]

Agreed. I love Hawkeye: he's kind and funny and sarcastic and angry and brave and he uses his hands like a dyke and he's so mouthy in such a good way, he loves kissing and he loves food and I bet he loves giving head and he's loving and devoted and passionate and well-read and casually quotes poetry and he loves making people laugh and he adores it when someone makes him laugh and he likes taking care of people and he loves being taken care of, and he's got such an amazing gangly flexible body and he seems to fling himself into everyhing - he laughs with his whole body. He loves to hold people he loves. He really hates unearned authority and he's really comfortable with earned authority and he's happy to have a woman in command over him and he hates the military and his sanity is sometimes so fragile and yet he is himself so strong and doesn't know it He is so angry at cruelty and injustice and bullying and war. He makes fun of people but he's sorry if they get hurt. He likes people making fun of him if it means they're paying attention to him. He loves good food. He drinks too much. If he loves someone there's practically nothing he won't do for them and yet so many of the people who have loved him have left him high and dry. He is needy and a drama queen and seriously dedicated to the art and craft of surgery and he's good with kids and kids love him. I could pair Hawkeye off with anybody and believe it: Hawkeye flirts like he breathes and he is omnisexual and omniromantic. Hawkeye is my favourite M*A*S*H character. Except for: I love Mulcahy. He's kind and he's brave and he's tough and he's got ethics up to here and he became a priest with a deep unshakeable love of God that is not even slightly evangelical or pious. He prays like he's talking to God and he talks to everyone as if he saw God in them. He was bullied as a child and he was the unwanted youngest boy of a large family and he doesn't love his family - except his sister - and his parents were abusive but he blossomed into a man with a loving and trusting heart, who consciously tries to think well of everyone. He's got a dry-as-dust sense of humour and a fine edge of sarcasm and he makes jokes about translating bawdy humour into Latin and he read Plato's Dialogues when he was still in grade school and fell in love with Plato and he saw Gentleman Cavanaugh box when he was twelve and fell in love with Cavanaugh and learned to box, and somewhere in all of this love he also fell in love with God and became a priest. He volunteered to be an army chaplain just as soon as the Korean War started and he keeps trying to be a good chaplain even though he is persistently tormented by the feeling that his prayers do no good. He fetches x-rays and orange juice and helps the surgeons as best he can and runs errands and holds bingo games and serves Mass even if no one comes and learned Hebrew so he could minister to Jewish soldiers and holds an ecumenical Protestant service and writes letters home for and about the wounded. He's addicted to gambling and a demon at poker and skilled at laying the odds on everything from football to a bridge tournament and he donates all of his winnings to the orphanage. He plays the piano and he sings and he serves drinks at the officers' club and he says a blessing over bad food in the mess tent and he has this huge tide of rage boiling inside him and only very occasionally lets off a spout of steaming anger and he's always very sorry afterward. He'll face down an angry soldier with a live grenade or a loaded rifle and he lost his hearing to save the lives of the PoWs when everyone else was hiding behind sandbags. He compliments Klinger on his outfits and Margaret on her hair when she perms it and of course Hawkeye flirts with him but when Mulcahy flirts back it's so shy and sweet and lovely it's almost unbearable. Mulcahy is my favourite M*A*S*H character. Can you wonder I keep putting them together?

[frogeye-pierce]

Okay, crazy question but coming from your tags on that music post: what songs and/or types of music do you think the characters would go for if they were exposed to the music of our times?

Oh what a good question!! I’ll try my best to answer but to be honest with you I don't really listen to any current music haha. My answers will probably be limited by that but maybe you can help if you know more current artists!

Hawkeye- I want to say The Smiths so bad but a lot of the songs Hawkeye quotes are show tunes. I could see him being someone who listens to musical theater soundtracks like Rent, Hamilton, (or other popular progressive ones idk). Then on his sad days I could see him getting really emotional over really obscure indie music.

B.J.- Outwardly he’d want everyone to think his music tastes were like your typical dad classic rock or something (standard stuff, nothing too adventurous or outside of the Spotify top five for each artist). BUT deep down he’d have a secret love for artists like Beyoncé, Taylor Swift, Rhianna, Katy Perry, etc. (I don't really know these artists that well but think pop lady singers) 

Margaret- Angry girl punk. Cranberries. Joan Jett. Patti Smith. Songs to listen to when you're kicking a door down, or a man out. I’d like to think she’d use this kind of music to connect with her emotions! I can picture Margaret angry dancing around with her whip singing her heart out to Suzi Quattro or something. 

Potter- All the songs on my playlist that are associated with Potter are pretty much old country songs, Doris Day, and WW1 army songs. He’s a tough one because I don't think he’d like modern country music at all. It’s possible he could like Johnny Cash because he has an old country sound, and the occasional patriotic song thrown in there. (Johnny Cash also has songs with pretty radical ideas and I’d like to think Potter would enjoy that on some level) 

Klinger- Anything loud and/or theatrical!! I have a lot of thoughts on the songs they make Klinger quote on the show but I don't want to get into that for this question hah. I want to think he’d love current powerful women artists like Lady Gaga, Adele, and Lizzo. Maybe he’d also love classic artists like Prince, Queen, and David Bowie you know? Its all about the self-love, individuality, and STYLE. 

Radar- Kidz Bop?? ok just kidding. But all the songs I've found associated with Radar are used to call attention to his youth. He got really into being a DJ in “Your Hit Parade” but I almost think he’d be someone who didn't really *get* music you know? Maybe The Beatles just because they are popular and seemingly wholesome. 

Trapper- You know what? I’m going to say metal. Trapper has a penchant for quoting Frank Sinatra in the show but he’s a little devious and I feel like he’d identify with the rage. 

Charles- I don't think modern times could make Charles ditch his love for classical music. And that’s ok! Even though he likes classical music I like to picture him enjoying live music festivals or something. Probably alone since he doesn't want that kind of reputation. (sometimes people can be pretty snobby about live music so maybe that's where I get this from)

Frank- Trap because he desperately wants to be cool. And he’d say all the bad words while singing along (which is bad in itself). Also, maybe the national anthem but like unironically. Oh and he’d totally own a Nickelback CD.

Father Mulcahy- Most of his songs/quotes in the show are religious ones. Despite this, there are times when he mixes it up like in “Your Hit Parade” when he said he requested “Tico Tico” and Radar played “May God Bless and Keep You” instead. He probably would have the best music taste of them all but everyone would assume he only listened to like hymns or something. I could also see him being really “woke” with his music and liking classic revolution/rebellion songs by artists like Bob Dylan, Marvin Gaye, Pete Seeger, Tracy Chapman, etc. 

Haha hope that sort of answered your question! This is just my initial opinions based on what I know from my obsessive documentation of the music used in M*A*S*H. Feel free to add anyone!

[blessyouhawkeye]

(I keep popping up in your inbox I'm so sorry) I'd like to think if MASH was made today Hawkeye would say the words bisexual (Alan Alda complaining the execs wouldn't let Hawk touch men's underwear cos "degrading" lives in my mind rent free), Margaret's girlfriends would have more episodes, Klinger would have more gender identity feels, but then I think of Friends and how many times they caught the "not gays", and how Hawkeye got away with more queer references and innuendo than today shows

right? god bless alan alda and loretta swit for playing hawk and margaret as queer as they did. every day I wish that we got to see more of margaret interacting with women, and more of helen whitfield. i think modern day hawkeye and margaret would both get to label themselves as queer, and hawkeye would get to slut it up with women and men equally.

but honestly, i think that klinger might be handled WORSE today. the best part of klinger's section 8 crusade is that his friends really don't care that he's wearing dresses and lingerie, and will even compliment his outfits, all while using the pronouns he's comfortable with, but i think a modern version of klinger would be a meaner punchline, as well as generally mocked more, and would be more of a caricature of a trans woman, instead of a gender neutral/fluid character. that being said, if it was done right, a modern, genderqueer/genderfluid klinger dealing with gender dysmorphia and using pronouns like she or they would be AMAZING, and i'd love you see that kind of character development for him.

[tiger-moran]

There is no indication in The Sign of Four - or any other tale in which she is mentioned, for that matter - that Mary Morstan has this character, and John D. Beirle points this out in "The Curious Incident of the Drive Through Middlesex and Surrey."

The New Annotated Sherlock Holmes, referring to the “That was always the way. Folk who were in grief came to my wife like birds to a light-house” quote in The Man with the Twisted Lip.

So quick question, what the fuck, Leslie S. Klinger and John D. Beirle?

Firstly, “any other tale in which she is mentioned” - she’s barely mentioned anywhere else, she barely appears in the canon because the stories aren’t about her so there’s no indication of almost anything about her anywhere. An absence of information for a character who isn’t relevant to the plot proves or disproves absolutely nothing.

Secondly, in The Sign of Four she is referred to as comforting the distressed and then grieving housekeeper multiple times:

“We all followed him into the housekeeper’s room, which stood upon the left-hand side of the passage. The old woman was pacing up and down with a scared look and restless picking fingers, but the sight of Miss Morstan appeared to have a soothing effect upon her.

“God bless your sweet calm face!” she cried, with an hysterical sob. “It does me good to see you. Oh, but I have been sorely tried this day!”

Our companion patted her thin, work-worn hand, and murmured some few words of kindly womanly comfort which brought the colour back into the other’s bloodless cheeks.”

and

“Miss Morstan had remained behind with the frightened housekeeper.”

and

“After the angelic fashion of women, she had borne trouble with a calm face as long as there was some one weaker than herself to support, and I had found her bright and placid by the side of the frightened housekeeper.”

So what is this bullshit about this not even being shown in The Sign of Four?

[andrewcogliano]

I just hugged my klinger jersey so tight god bless

[battingonjakku]

A guide to the 18 counties and why you should/shouldn’t support each one (version 2.0)

Hello! It’s been a couple of years since I did this original guide, so I thought it was time for an updated version as after all, a lot has happened since then. 

All the confirmed overseas players I’ve found have been included, the most significant Kolpaks (not all though, because there are many), and the most recent England/Ireland/Scotland players as well…and then some just to look out for.

Without further ado then, here is a relatively comprehensive guide to choosing your county for the year ahead…

Derbyshire

Overseas & Kolpak: Logan van Beek, Kane Richardson (T20), Ravi Rampaul

England/Ireland/Scotland: Mark Watt

England prospects: Matt Critchley, Hamidullah Qadri

Why you should support them: Who doesn’t love an underdog? Quite a bit of young talent around, including in Hamidullah Qadri the first county cricketer born in the 21st century (welp)

Why you shouldn’t support them: They always seem to fly under the radar, and I still haven’t met a Derbyshire supporter (please reveal yourselves if you are out there!)

Durham

Overseas & Kolpak: Cameron Bancroft, D’Arcy Short (T20)

England/Ireland/Scotland: Ben Stokes, Mark Wood, Stuart Poynter

England prospects: Josh Coughlin, Matty Potts

Why you should support them: One of the leading producers of England players over the years, and who have suffered a lot at the hands of the ECB. Who doesn’t have a soft spot for Durham?

Why you shouldn’t support them: It’s been a tough few years due to off-field circumstances, and a lot of their top players have left in the process. Likely to struggle again.

Essex

Overseas & Kolpak: Peter Siddle, Adam Zampa (T20), Mohammad Amir (T20), Simon Harmer, Cameron Delport, Matt Quinn

England/Ireland/Scotland: Alastair Cook, Tom Westley, Ravi Bopara

England prospects: Jamie Porter, Daniel Lawrence, Nick Browne, Sam Cook

Why you should support them:  The place to get your Alastair Cook fix post-England retirement. They’re also a lovely bunch of lads, and with their unexpected 2017 CC win have become one of the division’s leading teams.

Why you shouldn’t support them: Have a notable Kolpak contingent, and are just one of those teams for whom when things go wrong, it happens spectacularly.

Glamorgan

Overseas & Kolpak: Shaun Marsh, Marnus Labuschagne, Colin Ingram, Marchant de Lange

England/Ireland/Scotland: Ruaidhri Smith, Timm van der Gugten (well, Netherlands)

England prospects: Prem Sisodiya

Why you should support them: Flying the flag for Wales as the only county not based in England, and another underdog to root for as well. A decent pace bowling attack that should see them improve on last year.

Why you shouldn’t support them: Continually struggling, last year coming bottom of the County Championship and with no trophies in a long time.

Gloucestershire

Overseas & Kolpak: Michael Klinger (T20), Dan Worrall  

England/Ireland/Scotland:  Adrian Neill

England prospects: Ryan Higgins, Ben Charlesworth

Why you should support them: A team with an exceptional history in short-form cricket, and though they tend to be underdogs nowadays, can still prove themselves worth more than the sum of their parts.

Why you shouldn’t support them: Have tended to stay mid-table in Division Two over the past few years without making huge strides forward. Though known for limited overs success, form can be variable.     

Hampshire

Overseas & Kolpak: Aiden Markram, Kyle Abbott, Fidel Edwards, Rilee Rossouw

England/Ireland/Scotland: Liam Dawson, Mason Crane, James Vince

England prospects: Sam Northeast, James Fuller, Aneurin Donald

Why you should support them: Often strong performers in the shortest forms, winning the one day cup last year and having been regulars at T20 finals day in the last decade.

Why you shouldn’t support them:  Tend to scrape their Division One safety in the CC every year, so prepare for the stress. Also one of the counties people love to hate, thanks in part to high profile Kolpak signings and the attitude of their chairman.

Kent

Overseas & Kolpak: Matt Renshaw, Adam Milne (T20), Mohammed Nabi (T20), Heino Kuhn

England/Ireland/Scotland: Joe Denly, Sam Billings

England prospects: Daniel Bell-Drummond, Zak Crawley  

Why you should support them: A steadily improving county in all formats, reaching the one day final and being promoted from the CC last year. Soon to be 43, the evergreen Darren Stevens is also worthy of a mention here too.

Why you shouldn’t support them: Another team with a notable Kolpak contingent in addition to those above. A team with little experience of the first division as well, so who will be facing a challenge.

Lancashire

Overseas & Kolpak: Joe Burns, Glenn Maxwell, James Faulkner (T20), Dane Vilas

England/Ireland/Scotland: James Anderson, Jos Buttler, Haseeb Hameed, Keaton Jennings, Liam Livingstone

England prospects: Saqib Mahmood, Alex Davies, Matthew Parkinson

Why you should support them:  With a strong squad it would be a surprise not to see them promoted this year, especially with the bowling attack that managed to pick up the most bonus points last year. It also looks like they’ve final gotten rid of that god-awful green kit, too.

Why you shouldn’t support them: It’s Lancashire, what more is there to say? (I had to get a dig in here somewhere, didn’t I?)

Leicestershire:

Overseas & Kolpak: Mohammed Abbas, Colin Ackermann, Mark Cosgrove

England prospects: Will Davis

Why you should support them:  Just lovely, and definitely improving as a team after many years at the bottom of the pack. Always developing young, talented players. The only ground I’ve been to where I’ve been offered a bag of Sweets Or Weed. 

Why you shouldn’t support them: Well known for their top players leaving, and another big exodus took place at the end of the season. Supporting them can be painful, too.

Middlesex

Overseas & Kolpak: Mujeeb Ur Rahman (T20), AB de Villiers (T20), Ross Taylor

England/Ireland/Scotland: Eoin Morgan, Steven Finn, Toby Roland-Jones, Tim Murtagh, Paul Stirling, Sam Robson

England prospects: Nick Gubbins, Ethan Bamber, Tom Barber, Tom Helm, Max Holden

Why you should support them: A squad with a lot of English and Irish talent and hot prospects who will be striving for promotion this year. And there’s the Lord’s factor, because where better to watch cricket?

Why you shouldn’t support them: Have underperformed in the two years following their CC win, and it’s best not to even mention the shorter forms. 

Northamptonshire

Overseas & Kolpak: Temba Bavuma, Faheem Ashraf (T20), Jason Holder, Blessing Muzarabani, Richard Levi

England/Ireland/Scotland: Kyle Coetzer

England prospects: Ben Curran

Why you should support them: A team without big resources who have become one of the more successful T20 teams in the country. Also, I love Temba Bavuma in general and just want that stated here.

Why you shouldn’t support them: That T20 success that made them famous went spectacularly downhill last year, finishing well adrift at the bottom of the group. Have lost important players since, too.

Nottinghamshire

Overseas & Kolpak: Dan Christian (T20), James Pattinson

England/Ireland/Scotland: Stuart Broad, Jake Ball, Alex Hales, Ben Duckett

England prospects: Joe Clarke, Zak Chappell, Matthew Carter, Tom Moores, Ben Slater

Why you should support them: A team with a lot of England talent from the past, present, and likely the future. Have strengthened their squad a lot over the winter and will be looking to challenge on all fronts.

Why you shouldn’t support them: Not too popular for buying a lot of their talent, particularly with their winter recruitment. Have also underperformed in the longer format despite a strong squad.

Somerset

Overseas & Kolpak: Azhar Ali, Jerome Taylor (T20)

England/Ireland/Scotland: Jack Leach, Dom Bess, Craig Overton, Josh Davey

England prospects: Jamie Overton, George Bartlett

Why you should support them: A well-liked county, by everyone really apart from the ECB. Also the home of Marcus Trescothick, making centuries into his forties, and probably the best place in the country for spin bowling.

Why you shouldn’t support them: It always ends in pain, doesn’t it? A great track record for finishing high among the runners up, but not getting over the line, which has also returned among the last couple of seasons.

Surrey

Overseas & Kolpak: Aaron Finch, Dean Elgar, Morne Morkel

England/Ireland/Scotland: Sam Curran, Tom Curran, Ollie Pope, Rory Burns, Liam Plunkett, Ben Foakes, Jason Roy, Mark Stoneman 

England prospects: Amar Virdi, Will Jacks, Conor McKerr

Why you should support them: England players a plenty, with many coming through the academy system at the moment. The reigning champions of the CC and the favourites to win again, and should compete in the other formats.

Why you shouldn’t support them: One of the definitive love-to-hate counties among the 18, and another who like Notts are regularly called out on their spending.

Sussex

Overseas & Kolpak: Rashid Khan (T20), Mir Hamza, David Wiese, Stiaan van Zyl

England/Ireland/Scotland: Chris Jordan, Tymal Mills

England prospects: Jofra Archer, George Garton, Delray Rawlins

Why you should support them: An up-and-coming team, coached by the wonderful Jason Gillespie. Particularly exciting fast-bowling stocks, and last year’s T20 runners up who will want to go one better. Also, Luke Wright.  

Why you shouldn’t support them: For whatever reason, they tend to be bad at 50 over cricket, so probably not the team to root for if you’re after that Lord’s final.

Warwickshire

Overseas & Kolpak: Jeetan Patel, Ashton Agar (T20)

England/Ireland/Scotland: Chris Woakes, Olly Stone, Ian Bell

England prospects: Will Rhodes, Ed Pollock, Sam Hain, Henry Brookes, Dom Sibley     

Why you should support them: A likeable team, as they would be with Chris Woakes and Ian Bell. After a few years with an aging squad, now have quite a few young players who have either come through or been given a second chance from elsewhere.

Why you shouldn’t support them: Though they’ve bounced straight back from division two, they really crashed out during their relegation season so their return to the top flight might be a learning curve.

Worcestershire

Overseas & Kolpak: Callum Ferguson, Martin Guptil (T20), Wayne Parnell

England/Ireland/Scotland: Moeen Ali

England prospects: Pat Brown, Josh Tongue, Dillon Pennington

Why you should support them: A team with a lot of strong homegrown young talent, who won the nation’s hearts on their way to their T20 Blast win in 2018. Led by Moeen Ali, and if you don’t appreciate them for that then what’s up with you mate?

Why you shouldn’t support them: The ultimate yo-yo team, constantly being promoted or relegated whilst rarely staying in one place, so not one to support if you don’t want the sadness every other year.

Yorkshire

Overseas & Kolpak: Duanne Olivier

England/Ireland/Scotland: Joe Root, Jonny Bairstow, Adil Rashid, David Willey, Gary Ballance

England prospects: Ben Coad, Matthew Fisher, Tom Kohler-Cadmore, Harry Brook

Why you should support them: They’re my team and I would die for them, the best team you can support. In seriousness though, they feature a lot of England players from past and present and tend to challenge across all competitions in some degree. Look strongest in the shorter forms.

Why you shouldn’t support them: Another love-to-hate county, as us Yorkshire fans do tend to go on about our successes. It has been a tricky couple of years as well, with a struggling batting line-up and no major reinforcements on that front.