#god 1: dude you wanna fuckin go??

[evilminji]

You think the Zone has its version of Comic Con?

Like? Think about it. You have literally all of time to work on it, your Magnum Opus, your life's work. That DREAM comic. All the supplies you could ever wish for. Endless paper. Endless ink. You can practice and practice for CENTURIES until it's JUST right.

Wouldn't you want to share it?

There are definitely Ghosts who have Obsessions that make them collect.

And two people meeting would lead to a group. Lead to a bigger group. Lead to a large group. A gathering. A crowd even. Eventually you need a Lair to meet IN. It becomes An Event.

People hear about it.

Want to bring other art mediums. Food stalls. Report on it. It grows. Shoot offs start happening. Niche meet ups.

But like?

Unlike comic con? It's all FREE. Sure, you might have fork over the ecto to make your copy. And yeah, weaker ghosts can only do that so many times. Will have to prioritize. But? They can come back after leaving for a nap. Ask a buddy to come with. There ARE work arounds.

Just? Imagine the unbelievable HIPE? Danny would feel? But be unable to TELL anyone about? Zone Con happens several times a year! Cause so many people wanna come. The Zone being infinite, after all.

Problem 1? They're using THEIR standard of a "year". Which is actual 5 earth years. So it's only happens every year and a half for him. And Problem 2? He can't even TALK about how excited he is about Z Con with anyone (outside his friends and family) because they haven't heard of it and might Ask Questions.

It's ALSO held in a part of the Zone that's like? Three days of flying away from the portal. And no amount of begging is gonna get any of his loved ones to camp in the Speeder for around six-ish days just to go to a Con.

So you can imagine his DELIGHT. His utter JOY and *Target Spotted* "!!!" Noise, when? In the crowd? He spots A HUMAN! Hi fellow human!!! Omg, wanna be Con Besties? *doesn't even wait for an answer*

So now? This sad, blonde, deeply lost and kinda alarmed, trench coat dude? Is Danny's new Z Con Going Bestie! You got a map yet, bestie? No? That's cool, he has one. By the way, he has human food in the Speeder if you nee-

YES!

Cause, see, here's the THING. John? Lost to the Realms Infinte. Or Infinte Realms. Translation was iffy... and on fire... like the rest of the building. It was him or the kids those psychos had kidnapped, for what fucked "ritual" the voices in their heads, that THEY thought were demons but frankly he's pretty sure was just feedback from-

Look, doesn't matter, he had to choose. He always knew someday he'd have too. That even twisting Luck and talking fast wouldn't quite be enough. And he had to decide, in that moment, which outcome mattered more to him. They get out safe, or he does.

Wasn't much of a question, was it?

So, there he is. Staring down oblivion and all those debts unpaid. 'Bout to see who's gonna come for him this time, and take what left of wretched soul. When? He bleeds on the FUCKIN two-bit crap circle they squiggled in God only knows what. Remembers that "oh YEAH, set dressings!" Sometimes when you focus too hard on insuring a Good Outcome?

You weird weird as shit byproducts happening on the side to balance it all out.

Or BAD ones.

He wakes up someone fucking green and crowded. For the life of him can't tell you which one it is. And THAT was of course, bout two days ago.

Biggest and most immediate problem? He... does NOT recognize what flavor of magical fuckery this is. Doesn't seem Fae. And doesn't smell like Hell. There are... there are honest to God BOOTH BABES hanging around. Hunks too. The view is LOVELY.

And nerdy.

Very, very nerdy.

But he isn't THAT out of touch. So he should recognize SOMETHING. Or at least the languages. But nope! It's like aliens and magic had a nerd baby and dipped it in GREEN. And the worst thing? Is there is food everywhere, but it all glows and John's not stupid enough to eat it.

Then? Sweet merciful fuck. Salvation! Some teeny bopper Barely No Longer Teen fresh faced INFANT of a Hero kid. With a SHIP. Who has FOOD and a clear idea of where they are. Hello~ John's new BEST FRIEND. Yes. Absolutely. Con Buddies, whatever.

Just feed me, kid.

Only? Once he inhales like 5 "Fenton rations"? He only gets half way through introducing himself before getting interrupted. Kid hears "magic" and "occult Detective" and just? Goes "oh! So you wanna check out the magic Ally with me? Sam wanted me to pick up some witchy stuff!"

..............how magic?

(In Which? Constantine becomes Danny's interdimensional Con buddy)

@the-witchhunter @hypewinter @hdgnj @mutable-manifestation @lolottes @nerdpoe

[solitude4chiron]

Hobie Headcannons cs some of y’all be treating this man like he’s some white goth nga that’s never had black experiences 😭😭 these are js off the top of my head so don’t tweak out… JUH VIBE

He’s most likely Jamaican/British or African/British because he’s from the UK

He has had multiple people try to force him into playing basketball at least once because he’s 6’5

“Man, so you telling me you ain’t never tried going D1?”

“Never even played.”

“NIGGA WHAT?”

Has gotten his hand popped multiple times from touching his hair while getting it done

“How many do you have left?”

“Boy move that damn hand.”

Gives horrible advice then says “but I don’t kno, thats just me”

“She cheated on me bru. Like cheated. Called me ON FACETIME while they was hunchin.”

“Me personally I would find the guy and start a gas leak in their house while his family is sleeping. But ion kno, that’s just me tho.”

Played soccer as a kid with a makeshift paper soccer ball

Was one of those kids who were forced to finish their plate before leaving the dinner table so he would sit at the table till the next day playing with his food

Illegally listens to and downloads most of the music he likes

“Wanna do a Spotify blend?”

“Y’all use that shi?”

“who df are you bro…”

Will side eye you till you burst out laughing if you both see something crazy in public 

Sung chi-chi man religiously as a child before he knew what the song meant (iykyk)

Takes pictures of white people with braids or locs

Hobie: Attachment: 1

disgusting creatures…

Hangs trash bags on his doorknobs around the house

Had entire debates as a child with older people at the cookout on why he should be able to eat ribs instead of hotdogs

“These steaks for the adults, go grab a lil hotdog and a juice.”

“But why? Can’t we both eat and enjoy the same things without you having to dehumanize me and view me only as a child without preferences for food?”

“Boy go get that fuckin hotdog and caprisun get out my face.”

Had his hairline pushed back astronomically far when he was little (Nigerian boy canon event)

On the other hand he probably never had his hair cut as a kid and started free-forming when he was young (I’m conflicted between both)

Constantly had a smart mouth as a kid (he still does), like CONSTANTLY. Once he got his lips snatched and balled into a fist

Would steal, get caught and say is “it cause I’m black?”

“Yo, were you stealing back there?”

“Why bruv? Cause I’m black?”

“Nevermind.”

Touches hot ass food with his bare hands. Like he will flip pancakes with his hands.

Can literally sleep anywhere.. like anywhere. People in his band have pictures of him hunched over on sinks, sleeping on bathroom floors, in bathtubs with the curtains wrapped around him, on the bus. Anywhere you can think of.

He doesn’t spend much money on birthday gifts or gifts in general. He likes to make things by hand even if he has to spend a few weeks

After his shows he loves to meet people in the crowd, even if they freak out. He isn’t really for the idolizing so he doesn’t know how to express his emotions too much on that.

“OH MY GOD HOBIE!?!”

“i aint think i was that special but thanks luv”

• His jacket makes HELLA noise and he doesn’t realize it. Just like if he had beads in his hair.

“imma get bro good this time..”

“Hobie don’t even try to scare me, i hear that big ass jacket thumpin down the hallway.”

• The first time he kissed a girl with lip piercings like his, they got caught on each other. They sat there for almost half and hour trying to untangle each other without hurting each other.

• He’s definitely been called a few different celebrities before, none really looked like him.

“Are you playboi carti?!”

“Bruv.”

over.

“Your that rockstar dude lancey right?”

“bru…”

and over.

“you Opium?”

“I’m starting to feel this is lowkey sterotypical…”

and over again.

• When he’s in the pit at concerts he looks out for the younger people towards the front to make sure they don’t get thrashed around too hard.

“you good young’n?”

“I CANT FEEL MY FACE”

“that’s cool too”

• He only really steals from big corporations, not small family owned places. Just out of respect. Even when they say he can take things for free he still pays, maybe a few dollars over budget.

• He loves collecting trinkets and little things he finds on the streets or backstage. He has multiple spoons, buttons and scrap fabrics laying around

• When he first learned about capitalism he realized it everywhere, like EVERYWHERE. That boy was pissed.

• He loves girls who can beat him tf up, like whoop his ass. Or girls who will cuss him tf out. Sometimes you both will be arguing and he’ll just sit back and let you go off on him.

anyways yawl that’s it lmk if I should drop some more this was fun asl to make 😛

[transingthoseformers]

https://www.tumblr.com/transingthoseformers/779845944979210240/i-think-youre-discounting-the-funniest-option?source=share

I'm a little obsessed with this because it can be so SO unsexy hhaksjdbmlk fuckin, hhahahhaa

Soundwave comes in like "dude where the fuck are you" sees the catastrophy and is like "are we kidding with this?" My man doesn't even wanna help because what do you MEAN "it's stuck" megs what the fuck we have to GO

"what was the objective?"

"the objective was to jerk off, you fucking virgin"

"soundwave: has more bitches than Megatron ever will"

Sound "I don't get paid enough for this" wave gets roped in to helping because god FORBID ko finds out and gossips that meg is into some freak shit (no one is surprised)

Or soundwave walks in, is immediately horny and they fuck nasty about it, but imagine the COMEDY

I had imagined scenario 1 but scenario 2 could be JUICY 👀

[tellywoodtrash]

buried hearts ep 3 lb

ok so this is a kinda silly soap opera-y show that i'm purely watching for park hyung sik coz..............

eps 1 and 2 introduced us to his character, seo dong ju - he's a mid-level managerial chamcha (to the chairman) in a big corporate setup. he is ambitious and wants to climb the ranks but also gave up the opportunity to be set up with chairman's granddaughter. he meets this other girl in a cafe and they fall in love and live together happily in their love nest for 8 years.......... until he goes to the wedding of aforementioned heiress, AND DISCOVERS THAT HIS GF WAS THE GRANDDAUGHTER ALL ALONG!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE CHOSE TO KEEP HIM IN THE DARK ALL THIS WHILE, AND DITCHED HIM TO MARRY A PROSECUTOR (who sdj has an adversarial relationship with from school/college? he's also the nephew of a creepy old buddha yeom jang seon who was some kind of mentor to sdj) sdj is gobsmacked and heartbroken as we get some looks into how this super rich family's internal dynamics are (fucked, as are the ones of every rich family.) ep 2 ended with a murder attempt on sdj by yjs ka goon (coz sdj was fuckin his now-ghar ki bahu and that's against his ghairat or some such shit), and ooooopsie sdj kills the assassin in self defense.

OK LESSSSSSGO.

*cracks knuckles coz it's legit been years since i did one of these*

baby love, maybe don't try to remove a wholeass dead man's blood on you with just tissues? this is gonna take an eternity.

ok so sdj stole the assassin's phone and it got a call asking if he (sdj) was dead yet. it's from the right hand man of creepy buddha

right hand man came to the killsite to check on what's up and lmaoooooooooooooo sdj just reversed his car over him hahahahahaha LOVE IT. EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD DO.

buddha is antsy and waiting for an update while staring at his aquarium, when toota phoota bodyguard is thrown into the room by a bloody (yet still super hot) sdj

sdj plain and simple telling yjs ki i don't wanna die, spare me. can't relate. i am always begging for the sweet release of death

wth is yjs's problem anyway?????

sdj tells yjs that he's skimmed off some of the slush fund buddha's been hoarding under the guise of national patriotism fund or some such shit. let him live and he'll return the money and disappear.

how much money? 39 BILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

buddha is outraged but sdj is like paisa waapis chahiye ki nahi? 2 billion abhi doonga, 7b after i walk out of here safe, and the rest after my safety is guaranteed. smart boi. not just shakal, though that toh is *chefs kiss*

buddha has audacity to ask you don't trust me?????? god, just kill him rn sdj. na rahega baans, na bajegi baansuri.

it's an audacity competition coz sdj called on that poor right hand dude who was just hit (very hard!!!!!!) by a car 10 min ago and tells him to bring them some water and wine. the amount i'd get done if i had the arrogance of a man, istg

sdj warns that if they send anyone after him the rest of the money's gonna go poof

meanwhile dhokebaaz dilruba is here to visit the sasuraal

ran into a blood drenched sdj who just stalked up to her and laid a honking kiss on her. SIR YOU FUCKING HER BEFORE HER SHAADI ITSELF IS WHAT MADE THAT OLD MAN WANNA KILL YOU. ABHI USKE GHAR KE AANGAAN MEIN HI KHADE HOKAR CHUMMA CHAATI KAR RHA HAI USKE BAHU KE SAATH

ladki ko bhi khaas aitraaz nahi, but then it's phs so...........

husband saunters into the lawn to find her sitting there all dazed. she evades his questions and walks away

sdj is exhaustedddddddd after all the attempted murder and blackmail. but still has the presence of mind to scan under his car and finds a tracker there

he digs out a weird anti-tapping phone contraption and calls some chick who runs a guitar store and asks to borrow some money

gets back in to his car (tracker now removed) and leaves, now all blood free and skin glowing like the literal fuckin moon (kuch bhi ho, 10 step kbeauty routine is non-negotiable)

buddha and poor ran-over pancake chamcha looking at the tracker (which is now just attached to a fire extinguisher in sdj's parking lot lol) and wondering if he really has all that money

guitar store friend says she'll lend him the money as he warns he might not be able to pay her back. she asks if the bug he planted on buddha's system will work, and he reminds her SHE made it

calls buddha and says he's transferred the 7 billion and makes him login to his netbanking, badi safaai se getting his password (sdj has a photographic memory!)

he's sleeping in his car outside some house/cafe when he's woken up by a young dude who asks if he's a detective or something. sdj just helps him unload a delivery truck without giving any answers

oooooh ok, in the previous ep chairman of the company had taken sdj to see this cafe, which is owned by his secret mistress. this kid is an illegitimate son who chairman wants to bring into the family business and tasked sdj with helping. (there's a lotta family politics in chairman's family about inheritances and shit)

kid's mom comes out and remembers him from when he was here with chairman. sdj assures her he didn't say anything to the kid, who seems to be in the dark about all this familial intrigue.

he does tell her that chairman wants his son to legitimize himself, which the mom seems against, but sdj kinda subtlyyyyyy indicates she has no real choice about it.

as he leaves the cafe, he sees the kid following him on his bike.

sdj meets chairman and tells him that he hung out with his secret son but didn't spill any secrets coz it's too soon

apparently sdj and the kid became friends?

sdj asks for a favor - some time off. much needed after A MURDER ATTEMPT

sdj is invited to family dinner - yikes, awkward (coz 1. all of family knows he was their daughter's lover whom she screwed over, and 2. he has a lot of influence over the chairman and is the cause of dilruba's stepdad not getting the promotion he wanted)

dhokebaaz dilruba ne bhi maari entry

took off her sunglasses and SHE HAS A BRUISED FACE????

everyone's yelling about how her husband is a fuckin scumbag for beating her

LOLLLLLLLL THE HUSBAND ENTERS WITH A BROKEN TAANG

everyone looks at girly pop shocked, and she's just like 💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽

she refuses to go back home with husband. husband grabs her wrist and when she yanks it away, her treasured bracelet (given by sdj) breaks, revealing a tattoo matching the one sdj has around HIS wrist (with her name intertwined in it)

yearninggggg as they stare at each other longinglyyyyyyyy. beech mein husband bada awks ho rha.

poori family gathered outside grandpa's office chatting shit as grandpa deals with poti (who's named eunnam btw)

grandpa declares that eunnam will stay here. husband and his tooti taang are dismissed.

sdj has been hanging out outside the home. seeing husband leave, he makes his way to eunnam's balcony.

they embrace sadly as he hands her a phone and tells her he'll call her. something about this scene is giving me the vibes of slb's ram leela

stepdad and mom come into the room, and stepdad immediately clocks this new extra phone and that the balcony door is ajar

eunnam tells parents how husband and she fought about her relationship with sdj

stepdad (who eunnam suspects of killing her bio dad) tries to play dad and she's like pft fuck off pls

mom tells her she chose this marriage and she's like naah i just wanted the shares that were promised to me on marrying a dude of the family's choice so i can beat your husband at this corporate game our fam's got going on

she leaves and mom gets a bunch of pics of sdj hanging out with the illegitimate kid. now ofc she and her sister wouldn't want that lil whippersnapper to come take the whole company over from under their noses. one more reason in the "murder tf out of sdj" column for these ppl

sdj and female hacker friend make plans to do their hacking business and she tells him to hit her up once he's back from his break

he transfers some more money to buddha and asks him to check on it, as he gains access through his own system into their accounts

buddha bids him goodbye and declares their business finished. sdj coollllllly hangs up AND CHANGES THE PASSWORD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

so now not only does sdj have back the 39 billion, but also access to the rest of the trillions that was in the slush fund!!!!!!!!!!!!

as sdj goes on his break (chilling on a boat in the middle of the ocean) we hear his call with eunnam, where he tells her all he wants is money and her. he has the money, all she needs to do is come to him

he watches a buncha chutkus play basketball and eats ice cream as he waits for eunnam to show up

she watches him play with a kid from a taxi in the distance. more snippets of the call - where he says he'll stay single forever if she doesn't show up and she gently chides him for clinging to her even after all that's happened

he calls her and even though she's RIGHT THERE, she tells him she's not coming. just as she smiles and goes to get out of the taxi, she's kidnapped by a buncha ppl in suits!!!!!

sdj left heartbroken for a wholeass SECOND time, which is fuckin UNBOHLIEVABLE

he's back on his boat, puts on a suit..... and starts playing the violin???? alag hi qism ka chutiya simp insaan hai yeh???

meanwhile kidnapped sis is weeping in the back of the hijacked taxi, ruing all her shitty life decisions. this is what you get when you fuck over pixie-eared puppy boi phs, you bitch

oh no someone's approaching his boat on a jetski or something?

he's suddenly shotttttttttttt at by that person!!!!!!! one bullet gets him somewhere in the abdomen

he jumps into the ocean to evade as dude continues shooting

sinking unconsciously. oh no my killing eve finale trauma is coming back. the way they shit the bed with the last 5 minutes of the show, i'll never forgive them

shooter steers away and it's eunnam's stepdad!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he colluded with creepy buddha to get sdj out of the way. question is if buddha has discovered he's been hacked yet or not

ohhhhhhhh, stepdad seems to have some regrets (there's some talk about how stepdad was the one who introduced sdj to buddha?) but buddha is rejoicing and calls for celebrations and also offers money as a little gift to stepdad for "taking care of the filth"

login attempt FAILEDDDDDDDD and run-over pancake chamcha is panickinggggg. buddha goes to investigate.

stepdad is meanwhile being confronted by a hallucination of sdj who asks why he did it and stepdad says it was for the company. but his eyes are filling up with tears????? what's the tea bro?????

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA MEANWHILE BUDDHA IS REALIZING THAT THE ONLY PRETTY LIL HEAD WITH THE PASSWORD TO THEIR BANKING HAS BEEN SHOT AND LEFT FOR DEAD ON HIS VERY ORDERS

IT'S AN ANONYMOUS ACCOUNT AND THEY HAVE LITERALLY NO OTHER WAY TO GET INTO IT HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MAN AMAZING

buddha is now turning on stepdad and asking him to take responsibility?!!?!? make it make sense

buddha even has photo/video proof of stepdad killing sdj and asks him to figure out how to recover the whole amount

stare-off of two kameene old men who has no idea wtf to do now

meanwhile sdj's unconscious body is found on the shore by a fisherman who promptly looted his v expensive watch

the fisherman goes home, pleased by his find of the day, looking over it at dinner WHEN HIS DOOR BANGS OPEN IN THE RAINY NIGHT AND SDJ STANDS THERE GLOWERING LIKE HE'S CLAWED HIS WAY BACK FROM HELL. it sounds all horrific, but the tone of the scene is pretty comedic to me, esp with the endless screaming of the fisherman lol

the fisherman throws the watch back at sdj and demands he gtfo when sdj just collapses onto the floor, looking dead again lmao

stepdad toh qaid hain buddhe ki room mein coz honestly, the fuck is he supposed to do about this whole unholy sitch

he finally tells buddha ki poora amount toh lauta nahi sakta, but he'll try to get him the funds he needs from the company coz they have some secret funds stashed away as well. guillotine for all you mfs istg

chairman seems to be the one who got eunnam kidnapped so she couldn't run off with sdj???? i think. idk. chairman seems to dote on and trust sdj a lot, but i think he sees him as too inferior to be part of his family via marriage

stepdad meanwhile sneaks into chairman's library to try and get the codes to his safe (that only chairman and sdj know)

chairman's trusted secretary almost catches stepdad!

stepdad tries to open the safe with the code he found from a book in the library but it keeps failing (coz i guess it's written in reverse or something maybe)

angry laughing like boman irani from munnabhai mbbs as he realizes that sdj being alive is the only solution to all his problems

dua kaam kar gayi as sdj wakes up in the fisherman's cottage!!!!!!!!!

[macbooth]

full of childish whimsy in a hostile fashion tonight so here’s every shakespeare clown i can think of and whether or not i think i’d beat them in a fight

(i do not mean fools i mean clowns. they do not need to be the secret genius of the play. if they are stupid in every way shape or form i am including them here)

Puck (A Midsummer Night’s Dream) No chance. Bro’s got that magic and ALSO has a big strong scary fairy king as his bear, like, do not separate them. If I even tried throwing hands at this cunt I’d get torn to shreds and used as glitter dude, I’d be over. 0/10

Nick Bottom (A Midsummer Night’s Dream) I could but I’d feel bad. I also think he’d put up a really solid fight. Like this is out of donkey form, bro was a physical worker. Like I reckon I could win a fight with some of the tradies I’ve seen but I don’t think it’d be easy. Also he’s just really dumb so I would feel a little bad. Donkey form though, I’m running away. Scary as shit. I am afraid of horses though. 6.5/10

Touchstone (As You Like It) Absolutely I could beat the shit out of this man. I hate him so much. Full of hostility towards this fucker. His clothes aren’t even subtle I could find this bitch in the forest no time and hunt him down and rip him to shreds, fuckin court jester doesn’t even have the roughness of the country on his side. 9/10 (-1 point cause he definitely fights dirty but I just hate him so much I’d win)

Jaques (As You Like It) First off he’s absolutely a clown. Second off I’ve played him before so my word is gospel. Third off bro has no fucking chance against me. He’s a podcast bro who thinks I don’t know that Tame Impala is one dude. I’d ask him why we can’t print more money and he would explode instantly and it would be the funniest thing he did with his life. 10/10

Audrey & Corin (As You Like It) I’m lumping these two together cause in the show I did they were one character (and I also played them). I wouldn’t even want to fight these two. And even if I wanted to Audrey would absolutely be able to beat the shit out of me and I would thank her. Our setting was in semi-modern country Australia, that girl would have a shotgun. 2/10

Autolycus (Winter’s Tale) Just like Jaques to me. He might be a little bit harder because he’d change costume and I’d get confused because I have no object permanence but other than that what has he got. Bitterness? Resentment? Bitch so did I when I was 15 grow up experience love. 8/10

Falstaff (Henry IV parts 1 & 2, Merry Wives of Windsor) I don’t actually know about this one but he is very punchable. I feel like he’d let me punch him and I think one punch would be enough for me. I think that would satisfy my urge to punch him. He may be a knight but let’s be honest he’s shit at it so I stand by this. 4/10 (just cause I don’t really give a shit)

The Dromios (Comedy of Errors) I absolutely could beat them in a fight but I would feel So Bad. You see how they’re literally already treated in the play, I wanna give them a break. That being said they’re both kinda dicks but they’re going through it already so I’d wanna give them a breather. I would win though, even if they both were attacking at once. 7/10

Launcelot Gobbo (Merchant of Venice) He’s such a prick but I would be laughing too hard at his name to fight him. Bro’s name is Gobbo. Bro’s name is basically Gobby. Imagine being named Blowjob. I would lose my mind. I would laugh so so hard I would collapse. My heart would fail. Biggest L name out there bro. Launcelot Gobbo oh my god. 3/10

Launce (Two Gentlemen of Verona)  Nah man he has an attack dog. I don’t care what breed of dog Crab is in a production I fully believe he would kill for Launce, that’s just their dynamic. I understand them better than anyone else (I have a dog). Also he’s already working for Proteus, is that not punishment enough? 4/10

Speed (Two Gentlemen of Verona) I mean I definitely could fight him. I don’t imagine he’s got much fighting experience. But once again, he has to deal with Valentine which does feel like it would be cruel to inflict more onto him. Like Valentine’s not as bad as Proteus but fuck is he stupid. Also if I accidentally flubbed a punch Speed could absolutely tear me a new asshole with his words and I would sob and cry and literally never recover. 4/10

The Porter (Macbeth) Fuck no. Bro definitely has a knife on him at all times. I can’t explain why I think this I just do. He works night shift, he definitely doesn’t get paid enough for his dog shit job, he would absolutely try to stab me just to spice up his evening without me starting a fight. 1/10

Trinculo (Tempest) Yes. Sorry, you’re Russell Brand? L. I could kick your ass. And he’s like drunk for half the show, and almost fucked a fish. I doubt his judgement is good enough to say the alphabet backwards let alone dodge a punch. He couldn’t even get Caliban to kick my ass (who definitely could by the way) cause Caliban fucking hates him. Bro, failwife to Stephano should pay more. But it doesn’t. 8.5/10

Dogberry (Much Ado About Nothing) Without Verges? Yes. With Verges? No way. Those two are a power couple in the dumbest possible way. He would absolutely try to get me arrested though but I simply would not go to prison. What’s he gonna do? Send me to prison? I’m already not going. 7/10

Mercutio (Romeo and Juliet) No chance. Unless Romeo fucked up so bad like he did in the actual play, I would have no chance against this dude. I wouldn’t even want to even if I could. I’m a Benvolio stan first and foremost and a person second you think I’d wanna fight his bestie? Only exception is if it was an actual fight club and not just a pure fight out of hatred. I feel like Mercutio could give Brad Pitt Fight Club Realness, outfits included.  I would still lose though. 2.5/10

Don Adriano De Armado (Love’s Labour’s Lost) I reckon I could wreck this dude’s shit. You know that gif where the fuckin dude is doing all these cool sword moves and then he just gets shot? You know the one. I forgot where it’s from but you know the one. That would be this fight. Armado would bust out his flair, his razzle dazzle, his pizzaz, and I would just deck him I think. That’s the power you need in this world, I think. Power of fist to face. Peace and love. <3 8/10

Costard (Love’s Labour’s Lost) I do not think Costard would realise he was being fought even as he was actively getting hit in the face. I know how to say honorificabilitudinitatibus, he doesn’t even have that against me. Bro couldn’t even confuse me with that, I learnt that, like an adult. Anyway yeah I’d kick his ass. 9/10

Holofernes & Sir Nathaniel (Love’s Labour’s Lost) This is the same man to me. I would destroy them both. Fuckin nerds. Flowery ass language nerds. I support gay rights and gay wrongs but the only reason I couldn’t fight those two gay muppets who heckle is cause they’re too far away (in a theatre booth), these two gay muppets who heckle are right in front of me. I’d kick their tweed cladded asses. 10/10

Jaquenetta (Love’s Labour’s Lost) She is just like Audrey to me. I could never bring myself to hurt her. Also she’s pregnant and I feel like it’s fucked up to hit a pregnant woman just for fun. Also she could absolutely wreck my shit. Please wreck my shit Jaquenetta. 0.5/10

Moth (Love’s Labour’s Lost) This little fucker should be an INSTANT knock out but I just know this fucker bites. He’s a shit talking 8 year old? Oh he plays wolves on the playground, I just know it. He plays wolves and he’s definitely been suspended for it, I just know it in my heart. Sure, I could kick him, but he would grab hold of my foot and try to rip it off. We would shake hands and agree to part ways, having met our match. He, who plays wolves, and me, who played fairies, leave the fight with our heads high and respect in our hearts. I am kidding of course but I do think we would tie. 5/10

Lear’s Fool (King Lear) There’s already so much fighting going on, I don’t even think they’d notice if I just started kicking this dude. Not only could I fight him and win, I think I’d get away with it too. I’d win not only physically but socially too. What’s he gonna do? Tell his boss? Bro he’s preoccupied with his whole kingdom crumbling, grow up. 9/10

Lavatch (All’s Well That Ends Well) This is more meta but my hatred of this play would fuel me here. I would fight literally anyone in this play if given the chance, not a joke. I would get in the ring with literally anyone from this play, but honestly, out of them all I weirdly respect Lavatch the most, maybe because he at least knows that he’s a cunt, unlike literally everyone else who Just Suck. I do think he’s probably scrappy though, so I wouldn’t leave unscathed. I also think if he got the upper hand he would be so so awful about it, so I’d really have to fight. 6/10

Sir Toby Belch & Sir Andrew Aguecheek (Twelfth Night)  Andrew is canonically bad at fighting, and honestly I do not believe Toby would be any better. Love both of these guys but if I had to fight them both at once I think I would be able to just move out of the way and they’d bonk each other on the head like a cartoon. They’re just silly guys. 9/10

Maria (Twelfth Night) Every woman clown could beat my ass. Audrey, Jaquenetta, Maria, they are all so special to me and would all also fucking destroy me. Maria especially cause I just know she is full of hate. You don’t hatch a plan like the Malvolio plan unless there’s something deeply worrying about you. She’s a Scorpio to me. <3 I do love her, she’d demolish me. 0/10

Feste (Twelfth Night) Would actually kill me. -5/10

I know I’ve definitely missed some but uhhh don’t expect me to remember every clown even if I’m neurodivergent about these plays please. <3

[opalcicle]

In The Woods Somewhere

Ch. 1

Trans man reader x Slimecicle, one bed trope, horror themes

You, Charlie, Ted, and Schlatt are on a weekend camping trip and- oh god, you've got to share a bed with Charlie. Also, not everything is as it seems in the campgrounds.

-----

Trying to steady my shaking hands, I inflate the air mattress I'll be sleeping on for the week. There was just enough room in here for the one queen size bed and our bags.

How, how, did I not realize I'd be sharing a tent with Charlie? We only had two, and it only make sense that Ted and Schlatt are going to take the one with more room They're so much taller than us.

I can't hear the zipper behind me over the sound of the motor, and suddenly the man in question is close behind me, placing down our bags, saying "Hey, let me help."

I jump in my skin, but thankfully Charlie doesn't notice. He's busy spreading out the other end of the inflating bed.

"So the other guys are fucking around out there, I think they're gonna need a hand getting set up," he says, voice raised over the noise, "and then I was thinking of finding the walking trails before it gets dark. Ted said he'll get the fire going," he explains the plan while I keep my head down.

"Yeah, okay," I manage to get out.

"You wanna come?" He asks.

"Cum?" I respond without realizing.

He laughs, face scrunching at what he thinks is just stupid humour. "Yeah, on the trails, gotta mark our territory, dude," he uses a character voice I can't place but I laugh along.

"I mean, I'll walk the trails with you, but I don't think I can help you with that," I say, smiling as the mattress finishes inflating.

"Aw, c'mon dude," he pouts in a similar voice to the Edward impression from his vampire campaign.

"Bruh," I sloppily imitate the character back to him.

"Pppffft," Charlie breaks the bit to laugh aloud.

"Ah for fucks sake," Schlatt's voice comes through from outside, "stupid, fuckin-"

Now we're both laughing, and Charlie stands, bent over in the low roof of the tent. "You got this?" He asks, nodding towards the sheets I've stated to unpack.

"Yeah man, go see if they need help," I grin.

The rest of the set up goes smoothly as Charlie and Ted take over. Schlatt unpacks the firewood from the back of the truck, and I set up the big hammock near the back of our campsite. It's a cozy place, nice for a week away with the guys. Nice for week to spend with Charlie.

I've had a crush on my friend since he moved out to LA and we'd started spending more time together. We'd been good friends for awhile now, streaming together, recording videos, hanging out anytime we were in the same place. Recently, we've been spending a lot more time together, grabbing drinks, crashing on eachother's couches, going out to the cool places we find. He likes to stay busy, find fun city adventures, and of course I was excited to have a friend who's interested in trying new things. How could I not fall for Charlie? That sweet, goofy smile, the care he shows, the inside jokes we share, the late night drunk confessions, it was a lot. It's nice. I'm terrified.

Ted starts working on the fire, and Schlatt opens a bottle, sitting back in the hammock.

"Dude, do you wanna come check out the trails?" Charlie asks, standing over Schlatt.

"Nah man, I'm good here," he raises his Benedictine to show he'd already made a plan to do nothing and relax.

"Alright," Charlie replied, then turns to me, "ready?"

"Yeah, let's go," I grab a bottle of water and we start to head out.

"Don't be too long, kiddos, dinner's in an hour," Ted calls out.

"Okay mom!" I call back to Ted as we walk off in a direction where we'd seen a trail sign earlier.

"I don't wanna go too far, but I think we should be able to find a way to the lake," Charlie says from slightly ahead of me.

I'm not really paying much attention, getting caught up in the fungus and flora we see on the trail. Charlie waits patiently while I stop to take pictures, posing for a selfie behind me infront of a twisted tree with a green moss growing up the side. 

"It's you," I say, pointing to the tree.

"What?" His face shows confusion.

"You're growing on the tree," I chuckle to myself.

He takes a closer look and laughs with me, "Mi famila!" 

"Charlie Slimecicle, we found your long lost brother!"

"That's fucking funny, I'm stealing that for instagram," he says, taking his own pictures of the moss.

"Wow, big creator over here can't even make his own jokes," I tease.

He scrunches his face at me and flips me off before we continue up the trail, laughing. 

"It's gorgeous out here," Charlie whispers when the trail passes through a sunny clearing and we see a rabbit dash off into the trees.

"Quiet too, I can't believe there's no one else on the trails right now," I respond, looking more at Charlie than the view. When he turns back, I feel my face get hot and quickly continue up the path. I can't tell if he noticed at all, but I mentally kick myself anyways. Hold it together, dude. 

"Maybe it's a haunted campground," he replies to my words instead of my stare.

"Oh god, I hope not,"

"I don't know man, could be fun," he continues.

"No way, I'd be the token queer character that gets killed off first. You're like, the nature smart guy who makes it out alive and traumatized,"

"Dude, you're not the only-," he cuts himself off, "You're like, the reasonable, no-nonsense character that warns everyone, and makes it out. I'm absolutely the comic relief, I'm dead like, halfway through,"

My mind hovers on what he'd started to say, but I move on with the conversation, "Schlatt's like, the non-believer who dies second,"

"Shit, does that mean Ted goes first?"

"Well shit, yeah, I think so," I chuckle and we keep moving up the path.

Charlie leads us through a handful of turns and splitting trails, but we do make it to the edge of the lake. Someone's left a few logs in a little cleared out area near the water that we walk down to. I take a seat and Charlie pulls out his phone to snap some pictures. The reeds around us chirp with bugs and the sound of birds comes in from behind us. The breeze is nice and the cleared spot is shady.

"It is really fucking nice out here," I say, eyes closed and enjoying the sounds. 

I feel the log shift and peak an eye open to see Charlie taking a selfie of us, "Say cheese."

I crack a half smile, one eye open, with my head tipped back. Leaning in to see the picture, it looks good. "How long do you think we've been out here?" I ask.

"Can't be more than 25 minutes," Charlie says, looking through the photos he's taken.

"Great, then I can sit for awhile," it's been kind of a long day. 

I'd waken up early, we'd driven out to the campgrounds, gotten set up, and immediately went on a trail walk. I'm picturing the hammock back at the campsite when there's a small splash in the water infront of us. I feel Charlie's hand on my arm, and peek my eyes open to see what's going on. He's holding his phone in one hand, pointed towards the water. 

"Look," he whispers the word under his breath and nods his head in the direction he's filming.

It'a a Mallard. Shiny green head bobbing into the water and back out, only a few feet away from us. Behind him, his brown, spotty mate leads three babies toward us. The family stops on the edge of the mud.

I'm taken by a simple feeling of joy that shifts into something moving and complex in my chest as I realize that Charlie's hand is still resting gently on my forearm. Flicking my eyes downward I see his dark painted nails just touching my wrist. Then, peaking over at Charlie I watch his beautiful face focusing on the water birds in front of us. An involuntary smile creeps into my lips and I turn my focus back to the ducks.

They don't stay long, the green headed father swimming away and the rest following behind. 

Charlie's hand remains in my arm and he slides up next to me moments after they're out of sight. "I think I just got a really good video," there's excitement in his tone as he shows me the playback of the birds we just saw.

But I can barely focus as his arm presses against mine, our heads leaned together. When the video finishes I stand, breaking out contact to stretch. I feel his hand linger for a moment, fingers brushing over my palm.

"Oh man, great video," I say through the stretch, trying to ground myself, "I can't believe they stopped right infront of us."

"This place is fucking magical," he joins me standing, still looking at his phone. I think I catch a glimpse of him blushing but he turns quickly, "We should get back to the- oh fuck. Do you know which way we came from?"

Looking back at the trails I notice it for the first time; there are three paths leading right here. "Oh shit, no I don't,"

"Oh god," Charlie groans, "we're so gonna be late for dinner,"

"Ted's gonna be pissed," I chuckle, "well it's not that one- we didn't walk along the lake, so, one of these,"

"They look almost identical," he takes a few steps down the center path.

"Do you have any service out here?" I ask, looking at the no-signal symbol on my phone, "We should let one of them know were lost,"

"Ah, shit, no I don't," he replies. "Well, let's try this one," 

I follow him up the center path and it does look familiar. I open my photos, "Hey that's the mushroom I took a picture of!" 

"Hell yeah, okay, right track," there's a seriousness under Charlie's cheery voice, just a bit of worry.

"Yeah man, expert navigator, good job," I pat his shoulder once and walk ahead. 

Charlie leads us through turns and path divergences before we notice something we definately didn't see before, "Awe shit," he says, looking at a sign that points towards the beach.

"We could walk to the beach and follow the roads back to our site?" I suggest.

"Let's try to backtrack first," the hint of stubbornness in his words makes me want to grab him by the arm and drag him to the beach, but I let him lead again.

We find another sign pointing towards the beach and he stomps back in the direction we came from. The third time this happens I grab him by the arm.

"C'mon, we're gonna keep getting turned around if we keep doing this," I say as he turns to meet my gaze with a face full of frustration. I rub his arm quickly before letting go, "It's alright man, this place is a fucking maze,"

"But I'm hungry," he whines and I almost laugh at him.

"Dude you should have said something," I pull a granola bar out of my backpack and put in it his hand.

"Oh," he looks embarrassed, and demolishes the snack as I head toward the beach.

Wordlessly, I give him another and put the trash in a side pocket. 

It takes some time but we make it to the beach. The sun's getting low. "I gotta rest for a sec," I say, finding a spot on the sand.

Charlie walks around the empty beach, holding his phone in the air, "Fuck, no service,"

"Fuck it, okay, let's go," I stand, waiting for Charlie to catch up before we make our way to the road.

We walk in silence for a while. I think we're both feeling the length of the day by this point, just wanting to get back to our tent. The sun moves lower, into golden hour. We follow the signs back towards the campgrounds.

"How did we even get so far away, this is nuts," Charlie breaks the silence, "Maybe this place really is haunted."

"We still haven't seen anyone," I respond, anxiety tickling my stomache.

"Yeah it's really weird," there's concern in his voice too.

The two of us simultaneously close the distance between us and walk closer together. It's twilight by the time we make it to the entrance of our camp group. The call of a loon sounds nearby and I jump, clinging onto Charlie without thinking. We stop and listen to the crickets waking up and the shift of the trees.

"You okay, man?" he says, voice low and quiet.

"Yeah, yeah sorry," I say, releasing my grip on his bicep. "It's just creepy out here. I wanna get back,"

Before I can even lower my arm Charlie reaches out and takes my hand. He doesn't say anything, just looks up at me, into my eyes, and nods. As if to say, I've got you, let's go. He steps forward to lead us back. 

I split my attention between the connection of our hands, and scanning the treeline. Something about him calms my nerves, and I keep close.

We hit the turn into our area and follow along the trees. Passing campsites, Charlie quickens his pace. He's not running, just walking steady, and I have to move faster to keep up. 

I look into one of the sites, catching just a glimpse of campfire before he pulls me past. His hand grips tighter and I sense the fear radiating from him for just a moment. Getting the picture, I follow his lead, keep beside him, walking casually, but moving quick. Like a couple out on an evening walk. 

Now I notice it. It's quiet, less animal sounds, no one talking, just silent.

We pass by more campsites, more fires, but I don't look in. There are sounds of people talking to eachother at a distance. Kids arguing to the left, a hearty laugh to the right, but I still haven't seen anyone. Pushing away the fear bubbling up my chest, I focus on Charlie's hand and his steps. 

We make it back to our campsite and stumble in, around the truck and past the privacy tarp. It's just past the part of twilight where everything is a blue-grey. The sounds of night creatures return. We let go of eachother just before the other two can see.

"Hey!" Charlie says, and I hear the relief under his greeting.

I relax too, finding a chair to crash down in.

"Where have you two been?" Schlatt questions, raising an eyebrow.

"We made it to the lake, but got lost on the way back," I reply, digging through our cooler for a drink. Wine will do.

"Holy fuck I'm hungry," Charlie complains

"We had to walk down to the beach, there were no signs back towards the campgrounds." I explain, taking a large gulp from the glass bottle,"-and followed the road back,"

"Jesus!" Ted exclaims, "Well there's still hot dogs, fires still going,"

Charlie, shoving a third cookie into his mouth passes me the box. "Thank fuck," He roasts us each two hot dogs while we all chat and joke.

I finish the bottle and Schlatt, despite having a head start, keeps up with me. He's the first to call it, stumbling drunkenly into his tent.

Charlie doesn't drink, and I don't ask why. He's relaxed enough, joking along, but I've gotten close enough to know that he's still on alert. He's too upright, looking around too often.

It's late, the fire is dying down, and Ted starts to pack away the food. Standing to help, I catch my feet on the chair and fall right back into it. Charlie's up quick, hands extended to help.

"I'm fine," I say, standing slower, "just tired,"

"You sure?" He says, that tinge of worry in his voice.

"Yeah. Yeah, but I think I need to go lay down." I respond, making my way to our tent. 

"Okay be careful, it's dark," he says it with a gentleness, and I smile back at him in the firelight.

I change and lay down, listening to the sounds of Charlie and Ted putting away the food. I see a flashlight turn on and hear the sound of water sizzling as it puts out the fire. They say their good nights, and the zipper to our tent opens.

Charlie steps through with a quiet, "Hey," turning his flashlight to point away from me.

"Hey," I say, already starting to drift off. He digs through his suitcase and I turn away so he can change.

"Still awake?" He whispers, and the air mattress moves as he settles in.

"A little," I whisper back through a yawn, "what's up?"

"Still just a little freaked out," he confesses.

I turn back to him, "Yeah that was a lot,"

"It got quiet- I thought there might be a predator out there, maybe a bear."

"Fuck," I whisper back, "Was wondering why you were moving so fast,"

I watch his silhouette through heavy eyes, he seems to be just staring up at the roof of our tent.

"You alright?" I ask, stifling another yawn.

"Yeah," he replies, but he doesn't sound fine.

I hesitate for a long moment, just listening to our breathing. I don't want to send the wrong message, but he'd comforted me when I was struggling on the walk back. Slowly, I reach my hand out to find his arm.

His head turns towards me, "I'm okay,"

"I know," I say.

He moves and I release my touch. He settles down and lets out a deep breath, taking my hand in his, "Thank you,"

"For sure, man," I say, drifting into sleep with his hand in mine.

[dhajetii]

Netflix DMC Reactions/Commentary

Been a while since I've done this. I think the last time was for the HBO Last of Us? Either way. Here's some of my random thoughts as I worked my way through Devil May Cry.

I played (and enjoyed) the dmc video games back in the day and i was, unfortunately, excited about this show going in. I wanted to have fun here, as I've had fun with the franchise in the past. And I did. The show is a fun watch. I think both fans of the franchise and new arrivals who know nothing of the games and just want a kickass gory anime to watch can enjoy this.

Some of the comments i make kind of spoil plot lines from the games and the show itself. This is commentary for all 8 episodes, listed in order.

EPISODE 1: some random merc: gets decapitated me: giggling and kicking my feet. "Good start!"

KEVIN CONROY?!?! i didnt know he was gonna be here T_T i miss you man

OMG thats a remix of Vergil's theme <3 i recognize those lyrics

how come only like 1 person was dancing in that club wth XD

Kevin Conroy's character doing these interrogations is doing NOTHING to separate this character from Batman in my head so far.

hmmm I wonder why this shapeshifter just happens to know what Dante's "dead" brother would look like as an adult when he "died" as a child?? MYSTERY OF THE AGES

------------

EPISODE 2:

ohhh is that Lady? <3 Lady <3 i forgot she was gonna be in the show ngl i only watched the trailer once a long time ago

why dont they fucking ask dante? why go in guns blazing?? fucking americans (i say as an american)

KEEP ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN' - i do love the music so far. At least they havent dropped the ball on that yet.

your life worth half a mil? dude, value yourself more than that.

unflinching Kevin Conroy. Very Batman of you KEVIN. Ah, until you bring god into it ok nvm. The separation between this motherfucker and Batman has begun.

I want pizza. GDI Dante.

jfc idk what pool balls are made out of but ok. those are SOLID

i wanna replay dmc 3 now.

THE SWORD<3 i wondered where you were Rebellion my beloved

freshmen never do their homework.

-----------

EPISODE 3:

oh we actually got Lady's backstory. Neat.

LOL all the Capcom references.

"OTHER PROTOTYPE"; give the lady her cannon-machine gun- thing! I forgot the name! But it was cool! Queen maybe? Just looked it up: Kalina Ann. IDK where i got Queen. Must be some other killer machine thing from somewhere else (OTHER THAN FF14)

i cant tell if Dante is playing stupid or this is early enough in his timeline he genuinely doesnt know about his heritage yet.

REBELLION!! plz be sword time. I need sword time.

Honestly, I kinda like the Rabbit's attitude/vibe

you know what lady could use rn? A GIANT FUCKIN GUN-CANNON

WENT AT HIM WITH A FUCKIN KEYBOARD LOL WHAT

REBELLION!! I really like swords ok. im just a simple little guy with simple tastes. swords are sexy.

LAST RESORT remix :o !

ok whatever this bike is made of is tough shit this is what all cars and tires need to be made of.

DEVIL TRIGGER BABBBBEEEEYYYYY. Awh. JK. not yet. tease. He'll get there.

-----------

EPISODE 4:

BABY VERGIL<3 baby dante<3

ugh, Conroy-not-Batman, stfu. I cant believe im asking you to stop talking. But stop talking. Sorry Kevin.

Dante's momma isnt the only human who wants to fuck a demon. Damn. this black and red one with the wings <3 badass

oh no the humans are dying. So anyway this background music is good.

i feel like im supposed to care more about this hit squad of soldiers? but i really dont with the exception of Lady. Girl has enough trauma already give her a break.

ah, i see. Prediction: Rabbit was besties with Sparda once upon a time I'll bet, and he didnt appreciate being left behind and trapped in Hell with Mundus

oof. more Trauma for Lady. Nothin' like a good ol' drug-induced mind fuck to darken your afternoon.

DEVIL TRIGGER <3 at least partially!! he's gettin there <3

historically, demons in this franchise have all been the same. They've not really portrayed them like this before. At least, not that i can remember. I'm not opposed to this direction tho.

-----------

EPISODE 5:

ok we're gonna have a very long-lasting fall sequence i see. That motorcycle a couple episodes ago lasted much longer than it should have too. This might as well happen.

NGL when i saw that keypad on the wall i immediately squinted at it to see if any numbers were faded to Sherlock Holmes the fuckin' code.

Right. Back to falling. OR, hear me out, fully devil trigger and use your wings, Dante.

you know, all that falling shrapnel would totally rip a parachute but okay. You know, i kind of hate the random details i choose to apply reality to and which details i let slide lmao. Like ah yes, the parachutes are the MOST unrealistic part of this show for sure, mhm.

Lady is so smart <3

devil trigger. devil trigger. devil trigger. YEAH BABY LETS GOOO

Lady really adapted and accepted this new situation with these Makaian REALLY fast for someone deeply traumatized by demons since childhood, (but i guess there is also whatever those horror-flashbacks involving her dad at play here). But good for her for being able to distinguish between civilians and the actual enemy. I'm not used to this whole refugee dynamic with the demons from a dmc franchise but I'll take it. Considering Sparda cant have been the only "good" one capable of emotion/love/empathy/etc.

LOL lady calling Rabbit's operation nazi-esque is fuckin' hilarious considering USA-VP is moments away from eradicating a bunch of ppl based purely on his religious-fueled hatred of something different from himself. Also "funny" considering current real world events. Gotta love the point made when humans turn out to be the "monsters" Rabbit used VP's hatred and he played his part perfectly.

I'm still unraveling Rabbit's trauma, but he definitely has a dislike of demons and humans both it seems like

-----------

EPISODE 6:

Rabbit backstory time? ah, incorrect. more Lady. No? Both :o okay.. why both? :o

Dad goes full mad-scientist. Oh. Oh no. I know where this is going. Right, yeah.

OH-HO! it is also Rabbit backstory. Well shit. Well then. No wonder.

Huh. Sudden change in art style. Its cute tho.

Sorry kid dont mind me while I bop to this sick tune while you run for your life.

OK, so this is really adorable and moving. Oh damn the other shoe is gonna drop soon aint it? ugh. FEELS!

OH SHIT this is the Evanescence track playing. And here's the (more) trauma. oof.

wait a minute. There has to be a reason they're running both of their backstories in tandem like this. oH FUCK! Im remembering something Lady said a few episodes ago about refugees. well shit.

But if Rabbit...? then why'd he ...?

oohhhhh. :x

Madness is the emergency exit. And Rabbit just took it.

Ok. ok. ok. HOOOOO. ok.

yeah so my prediction for the Rabbit's backstory earlier was WRONG

-----------

EPISODE 7:

OH! OH! "Flare for the dramatic".... blue shit..... VERGIL!!<3

<3 Lady being a badass once again x2

KALINA ANNNNNNNNN. there's *my* LADY

to hell with you, Dante!

LOL

Honestly, Rabbit has a point.

-----------

EPISODE 8:

whew. okay. final episode. now its time for America Darkcom to be just as demonic as the demons.

bunny has a backup plan.

LOL enzo ships it.

ugh, this guy.

ooh another severed head

kinda hope Anders kills the VP or at least tries

oh enzo no D: .. T_T

i honestly expected Lady to use Kalina Ann more than she did all of once.

oh hey you got dante to bleed finally. Dont let it get on the necklace my dude.

"built on misery" hey thats where im from! Missouri!

rip. but like, not R.I.P. but like ripped rip.

smh, Lady!

o shit.

HAHAHA here's the Green Day, LMAO. American Idiot playing during these last few moments is just... this feels a little too on the nose maybe?

...sigh. Well shit.

oh fuck Uroboros. There you are, you bastard. (BURN CORPO SHIT)

FHJKSDHFJDKSHFDJKSFHDSJKHFS. VERGIL. VERGIL. VERGIL.

<3 Yamato <3

fun that they did a remix of Vergil's theme from dmc 5 but i like the OG better, those vocals are *chefs kiss*

-----------

in summary: this was fun. the music is good. the plot wasnt bad. something slightly different from what they usually do while also being slightly the same. but honestly i think its kind of appropriate given current events the last few years. its sayin' something.

[thighmight]

Vice - Part 4

The next chapter in my story about a trans girl and a hedonistic symbiote. Read the previous chapters here (part 1, part 2, part 3)

I'm working on getting an AO3 account so that I can just link to that instead of having to link every individual post.

Update: you can now tread part 5 here!

cw: alcohol, cigarettes, sensory deprivation? I guess?

Above the city, Flora ponders as she looks down across the various stores that would have booze and cigarettes, “how in the hell am I gonna get more stuff for you?”

“Why do we not simply take it, as we did before?”

“We can’t just do that, societal rules of commerce an’ shit”

“I do not understand several of these words. We should just take what we desire, with force if need be.”

“No! I don’t wanna just hurt random people like that! God, I should’ve taken some money from the apartment before I left…”

“Do we have any way to get this ‘money’ quickly?”

“Save from robbing a place? Not that I can think of…”

“Then we should go and claim our bounty! Upend your doubts and get what we need!”

“I guess… we don’t have much of an option right now… I just don’t want to draw attention and like, what shitty thief goes into a store in broad daylight just to rob a place’s drugs?”

“That would be us, so it would seem.”

Flora crouches down, groaning into her legs. “Can we at least try and do it quietly? Do we have anything we can do to like, disable the cameras or something?”

“There may be one way, if you get me access to their power supply.”

She thinks for a moment, looking down the various pathways by the emptiest convenience store she can see. A power box! And only a couple of people in the building! Having found her target, she makes her way down.

Checking her surroundings to make sure no one is looking, she approaches the box and puts her hand near it, allowing the slimy creature inhabiting her to enter through the tiny openings and cracks. Vice crawls through the walls of the building biting through the wiring and cables before returning to its host. “It is done.”

Flora removes her coat and beanie and enters the store, turning her face away from everyone there and ducking behind some shelves. Covering her face and hands with Vice, she runs out from her hiding spot, covering the mouths and eyes of everyone inside with purple tentacles; trapping them against the walls with the sticky substance. Dashing towards the checkout, she forces open the door and quickly does the same to the person behind it.

Grabbing several plastic bags, she begins to shovel lighters and cigarette cartons into one and then running through the store, she grabs a bunch of sandwiches until she reaches alcohol section; grabbing everything she can fit into the remaining bags before she sprints back to her discarded clothing, grabbing it with a tentacle and rushing up the wall and jumping across the city.

Hiding on the backside of a billboard, Flora collapses with her back to the sign to catch her breath, the mask and claws receding back to normal. Feeling the cold creeping onto her arms, she dons her coat and hat again.

“Ho- holy shit… We did it.” Unable to wait any longer, Vice forms a toothy mouth extending off from Flora’s side and bites the tops off of a bottle of wine and chugs it down. “Aah, finally. Truly this is a wonderful beverage, every chemical within rushing through our being. This is a delight!”

“Yeah, fuckin’ haa… you’re welcome or whatever… just don’t devour it all at once… hoh Jesus… I would like if we did that as little as possible…”

“You lie to yourself. I feel it in you, the thrill of adrenaline flowing through you. This has left you more alive than you have felt in years.”

“Dude, yeah, but like… I still feel shitty about hurting someone’s livelihood like that… there’s gonna be a better way to do this.”

Vice bites into a carton of cigarettes, trying to swallow them all down. Flora slaps them out of his mouth, “not all at once, man! We gotta make these last. Look, like this.” She takes out one of the smokes and a lighter to light it. “Here, put the brown part in your, uh, mouth thing and do whatever you can that’s like breathing it in.”

Vice bites the end of it and takes in the fumes. “Ahh, I understand. So this is how you maximize the intake of pleasure. We will take this into account going forward.”

“Yeah, yeah, just… keep it slow, the longer these last, the better.”

Taking a rest and having something more to eat, Flora contemplates where she’s even going to hide all of this stuff. Unbeknownst to them both, a familiar journalist discovers the scene left by them, now surrounded by police investigators.

[gonnamurdersomeone]

CoD people as cats? I think so here we go!

Someone better appreciate this I literally took 3 pages from my fucking notebook to write all this shit down

Captain John “Bravo-6” Price

I think John would definitely be an Oriental cat if not that then probably a Burmese. Smart, quick on his feet and pretty loyal seems about right.

Lieutenant Simon “Ghost” Riley

I think Simon would be a Norwegian forest cat or a British Short hair.. for obvious reasons dude is a fuckin Brit through and through. I chose NFC becuase they are bigger types of cats and used to harsh climates

Sergeant Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

For Gaz I chose an Abyssinian cat, they are pretty, usually have pretty eyes (like him) and are pretty smart and playful. Very Gaz coded

Sergeant Johnny “Soap” MacTavish

Johnny boy would be a Scottish Fold or a Siamese cat. They are very vocal, love people and are just a joy to be around honestly. Plus they suffer from pretty boy syndrome so… yeah

Sergeant Gary “Roach” Sanderson

Gary my baby boy, I chose an OciCat cause of his name it’s so random? I thought him being a more exotic and weird cat would fit his aesthetic. Very pretty cats too!

General Hershel Shepherd

Fucking hell I hate this dude and for that I gave him a Sphynx cat, they are mean, bald and bossy as fuck. Sound about right for mister Shepherd no?

I want to kill him

Kate “Watcher-1” Laswell

Kate one of my favorites! She would definitely be an American Curl. Very pretty cats with a unique personality and it just fits her. That or a Bombay cat I couldn’t choose

Nikolai “Gaz fell out of the helicopter again”

Nik our lovable transportation buddy, of course he would get a Russian blue there is no need to elaborate here he would be a Russian blue. Very cool cats ngl

Farah “Kilo Actual” Karim

She is so pretty and such a girl boss istg. But I’m giving the Bengal cat or an Ural Rex very curly hair and just very funny kitties, I think it fits her

Alex “Echo 3-1” Keller (Jr Price fr)

Pretty boy gets a pretty cat!!! He gets to be a Manx cat cause of the no tail (and his one leg) nahh jokes aside very pretty kitties for a very pretty boy

Phillip “Shadow-1” Graves

I hate this dude with all my atoms but he’s tolerable compared to Shepherd.. But I gave Graved an American shorthair. One becuase he’s American and two his hairline makes me wanna cry

Vladimir Makarov

I hate you so so much for what you did in MW3… but you are a character so I’m still giving you a cat. If you were a cat my guy I think you’d be an Peterbald or a Karelian cat

Andre “Alpha 2-1” Nolan

Surprisingly not a bad character imo but he could use some more character development! I’m giving him a Korat cat or a Singapura. I wish he got more development in MW3 honestly :/

Alejandro Vargas

Alejandro! Our favorite Mexican man gotta love him and the cowboys. He’s a petty boy as well so I’m giving him a pretty chill and cool cat as well. A color point shorthair, not necessarily a *breed* per day but still he deserves a petty kitty

Rodolfo Parra

Rudy! Another cowboy we love what a gentleman <3 I’m giving him an Egyptian Mau kitty, it has spots and I think Rudy would be a spotted kitty. Very good boy

Valeria “El-Sin-Nombre” Garza

Mommy issues fr love this women. I support women rights AND wrongs 💪 she gets a Donskoy or a Savannah cat. Both wild kitties to match her wild and unpredictable personality I think it fits very well

König

Anxious King gotta love them! For obvious reasons he’s a Maine Coon cat, the biggest house cat there is. For being an absolute UNIT of a man he deserves a very loyal, pretty, and big kitty. God I just wanna smother this man

Kim “Horangi” Hong-jin

Toyger need I say more? It’s a literal house tiger, his name is fucking Tiger he gets to be the tiger damnit! 😤

Darnell “Hutch” Hutcherson

Dunno the rest of these guys very well (besides Nikto) but I’m giving Hutch a Chartreux cat. I wish the more obscure characters got more attention, no they may not be apart of the MW part but still they deserve love

Nikto

I love this man with every fucking atom of my body. My baby boy deserves the best cat in my opinion the Lykoi. Very cool, funny and amazing cats one of the best he’s just a goober I wanna pet him and keep him in my closet away from all the bad things

Mace

Mace heard some things about you here and there and decided I couldn’t leave you behind. You my friend would be an Oriental Longhair dunno why but I think it suits him

Velikan

Idk if this man is even part of the fandom? Either way I’m giving you a cat deal with it. You would be an Highlander cat if not then an Tonkinese kitty.

Keegan P Russ

Oh Keegan my dear boy, you would be a Devon Rex kitty, very smart, mischievous and overall just a joyful cat. You deserve the world my dear

Logan Walker

Ragdoll. You will get a ragdoll take it or leave or my guy. Just know I’m only adding you and everyone else because of Keegan

David “Hesh” walker

Hhhh.. hesh dude idk I’d probably give you a Havanah Brown kitty. Seems like a good fit. Unusual brown kitty for a unusual cool character

Elias T “Scarecrow” Walker

I literally know nothing about you? But I’m still giving you a cat! Uh I think possibly a Javanese cat would fit you my dude.

Alex v “Ajax” Johnson

Same with you like? I have never heard about you either but whatever. I think a Australian Mist or a Khao Manee cat would work

Alright so that’s all the CoD characters I think? I’m not sure if I missed anyone, if I did tell me and I’ll assign them in the comments or whatever.

No I’m not adding the other characters such as Diego or any other unknown Ghost team people or random background people that only have like 2 lines of dialogue or is barely even known within the CoD community.

[aerodaltonimperial]

(crack treated seriously, inspired by a convo with @homoeroticgrappling. jack, darby, concussion protocols, and chipotle.)

"Just pick what you want on—"

"I'm deliberating."

"You are stalling, just pick one—"

"I don't know what I want, there's just so many options here."

"It's a Chipotle, Darby. They are literally everywhere. Just—"

"I just can't decide, I don't—"

"Do you want carnitas or beef on your fucking burrito, Darby?"

"Jack, has anyone ever told you that, like, first, you suck, and that second, you have no patience?"

"Jesus Christ, I cannot believe I am stuck doing this. Fuckin' concussion protocols that you keep ducking out of it, and I just won Anarchy in the Arena? I should be getting accolades. Instead, I'm being punished."

"You hit me with a bus, it's your job to make sure I don't scramble my brain by falling asleep."

"That is so not what this is about."

"No, you're right, I think it was the kicks to the face thing, but our satanic EVPs didn't want to do it, so they farmed it out to their new bitch boy."

"Pick a fucking meat, Darby."

"Beef."

"Hey, do you have any rat poison back there? He'd like a generous scooping."

"Fuck off, Jack, he makes, like, minimum wage."

"Could you please hurry up, this is the longest Chipotle run of my life."

"It's 1 AM and there's no one else here, it doesn't even matter."

"I'm literally losing brain cells waiting for you to decide—Jesus, Darby, pick some fucking vegetables, oh my god."

"That implies you had brain cells."

"I think you being this annoying means you don't have a concussion and I can leave."

"Nope, rules say you gotta stay and wait for an hour to make sure I don't fall asleep."

"You're not gonna fall asleep here."

"You sincerely doubt my spite, Jack. I'll sleep in that fucking guacamole just to fuck you over."

"Hopefully that's after he finishes putting it on your burrito."

"Oh, you gotta pay, too."

"What the fuck."

"Just pull out one of those fancy Elite credit cards I know you got shoved in your defiant jeans, man."

"Uuuuuugh, fine, move. Move."

"Dude, I said to use the Elite card, not your—"

"Shut up, and take your fucking drink cup, Darby."

"...I didn't ask for a drink."

"I'm gonna shove you in the queso."

"Fine, fine, god. You're so fucking grouchy. It's all that time with those douchebags, y'know. Are you gonna sit like three tables away, or you wanna sit down next to me and—oh, across, nice, we can play footsie."

"How long is it gonna take you to eat this?"

"Why, you got some kinda hot date waiting for you, Jack? Hope they like their midnight snacks flame-broiled."

"Ha, ha. You think your nose is broken again?"

"Does it look like it is?"

"I dunno, your whole face looks like shit."

"Wow, charmer."

"I didn't say it usually does, god. ... don't do that. Don't do that thing with your face, and that expression, do not—"

"So you think my face looks nice normally?"

"You're literally just putting words in my mouth right now. I absolutely did not say that."

"I mean, you kinda implied it."

"I did not, I'm tired, and I was set on fire today, so if anything, the only thing I implied was how much I hate you."

"Don't even fuckin' lie, you had so much fun."

"That's... not the point."

"Jaaaaaaack."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Here, eat some. I got you a spoon."

"I don't... yeah, okay, fine."

"Just save enough space for all that fancy room service you'll be ordering later. Champagne, and strawberries, and—"

"Yeah, i will not be doing that."

"Date unimpressed with bitch food?"

"I don't have a date."

"But Jack. You just won Anarchy in the Arena, remember? The accolades!"

"I am sincerely going to shove you broken nose first into your burrito."

"My face that you implied sometimes looks nice?"

"I did not!"

"No, but you are laughing."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Can't recall seeing you laugh since you've been back is all."

"... well, I guess there hasn't been much to laugh about. You know, with all the bullshit. And there was being on fire earlier, if you'll recall."

"Sounds hot."

"...god dammit."

"There you go again, fightin' it. Why're you fightin' it, Jack?"

"Why are you eating so slow?"

"Maybe I just wanna make it last longer."

"You know, we tried to kill each other earlier."

"Didn't succeed, though, so... whomp whomp. Guess we'll have to find somethin' else to do."

"Like eat Chipotle at 1 AM in Vegas?"

"... yeah. Like that. Or, y'know... you got a bed in the back of that bus?"

"What exactly are you implying here, Darby?"

"I dunno, you're the one playing footsie with me under the table. Good way to make sure I don't fall asleep, huh?"

"We have hotel rooms. We don't need the bus."

"Eh, not nearly as sexy, is it?"

"Boy, you're a cheap date."

"So you admit this was a date."

"Darby, this was a concussion protocol."

"Honestly, they seem like the same thing to me."

"You gonna bring your flamethrower?"

"Don't threaten me with a good time, Jack. And no. They kept it at the arena. Bitches."

"Are you done now?"

"You gonna take me home?"

"Sure, I'll walk you down the strip."

"Dirty."

"Fuck off."

"Guess we'll see how well the walk goes, huh? ... you're laughing again."

"I'm not, I don't even know how to laugh anymore."

"Hey, can you get cash out of an ATM from that Elite credit card? Let's go hit the casinos."

"Why, you feeling lucky?"

"Y'know, I kind of am."

[pculrstate]

how the night passes

day 2: prompt #36 (a story all in dialogue)

11:02 p.m.

Can you see in?

Sort of. Angle’s bad.

Can’t pull any closer without being spotted out his front window.

Other side of the street?

They probably have a neighborhood watch. I can practically smell the fuckin’ HOA, dude. We’re already pushing our luck.

It’s fine, I can see enough.

Pass me the thermos?

Yeah. Here.

Shit, Sammy. That’s good. From the motel?

Buy one get one at Wegmans. Whole bean.

Shit. How’d you grind ‘em?

Hand grinder in one of the drawers. Someone must’ve left it.

Well, lucky us.

11:47 p.m.

What’s it been, like two hours? Guy hasn’t moved.

Forty-five minutes, Dean.

Jesus fucking Christ. I hate stakeouts.

12:29 a.m.

You bring any grub?

Trail mix.

Ugh. I assume it’s too much to hope for some jerky.

It stinks up the car.

Roll a window.

That kinda defeats the whole being inconspicuous thing.

Whatever. Just gimme the bag.

12:57 a.m.

Stop yawning.

I can’t help it!

Take deep breaths.

How’s that different from yawning.

Are you kidding me?

It’s too warm in here, that’s the problem. Turn the AC on.

Can’t. It’s making that rattling sound, remember?

Dammit. Forgot I was supposed to look at that.

Just take your jacket off or something. Oh, don’t—don’t make a fucking strip tease joke, Dean. They’re not funny.

What are you talking about? I didn’t say anything.

I saw your eyebrow.

What about my eyebrow.

Nothing.

How’s that saying go? He who smelt it dealt it.

Shut up. Your voice is making me nauseous.

1:13 a.m.

Remember when we used to play I Spy? In the car?

Ha. Yeah. Dad was the best at that.

You’d always pick something green. Every time.

Cause there was a lot of green!

Yeah, but even when there wasn’t. And then it’d be something barely green, like. Like the reflection of my sock in the window.

Dad would make up colors. Charfuchsia. Ceruleaneon.

Jeez, how do you remember those? Charfuchsia. Yeah. Man.

I don’t know. But it was kinda weird, right? That he did that. Not like he was very creative.

What? Yeah he was. Had to be. Keeping two rascals entertained for fifteen hours straight? He was always making up games. Shit like that.

I guess.

Hey, Sam?

What?

You wanna play?

2:07 a.m.

I don’t think he’s coming out, man.

He has to. It’s the only time he can feed.

Maybe he’s fasting.

Yeah, I don’t really think they do that.

Maybe he ordered in.

Nice, Dean.

Bet he keeps a stash in the freezer or somethin’.

A stash? They’re people. Try exercising a little tact.

Sorry. Just saying it seems like he’s down for the count.

It’s still early.

Alright then, you good if I close my eyes for a few? I’ll take next shift.

Okay.

2:31 a.m.

You still asleep? Dean?

God, your snoring. You know, when I first got to Stanford I couldn’t sleep for weeks ‘cause my room was so quiet. My roommate slept like a corpse. I hated your fucking snoring. And Dad’s. Used to lie in bed thinking that one day I was gonna have my own room with my own bed and a pillowcase that didn’t smell like mildew and it was going to be perfectly silent, so silent that I’d be able to sleep through the night. You wouldn’t kick me awake. You wouldn’t drool on my shoulder. And then I finally got it, so many years of wishing, and those first weeks, it was…awful. It was so awful. I hadn’t been scared of the dark since I was a kid, but that dorm room. I still— Fuck, I can still remember the feeling. The black and the quiet. And I wanted it back, more than anything. You and Dad. Sometimes you sounded so alike if I wasn’t looking I couldn’t tell who was who. I almost called you so many times.

3:11 a.m.

Hey, sleepyhead.

Anything?

Nope. Still quiet.

Damn, I had a weird dream.

Strippers or Hula dancers?

Ha ha.

Bad?

Not bad. Just��weird.

Wanna tell me?

You gonna sleep?

I’m okay.

Okay. It was like…we were in the Roadhouse? Sort of. You know how that shit is in dreams. It was the Roadhouse but it wasn’t really. Ellen and Ash were there.

Not Jo?

Maybe. I can’t remember. We were all drunk. Like, plastered. Even Ellen. I kept asking her to look for me.

To look for you?

Yeah, I don’t know. I just kept saying that. You have to look for me. And she told me she would but I could tell she didn’t get it. What I was really asking.

What were you really asking?

Oh shit, Jo was there. Yeah, she was there. It’s coming back. ‘Cause every time I told Ellen to look for me Jo would come up behind her and say, What do you think we’re all doing?

Huh.

Yeah.

And what was I doing?

I don’t really…

What?

That part’s fuzzy.

Try.

I don’t know, Sammy. You were drunk like the rest of us. You never— Whenever I dream about you, it’s like. You’re never fully real.

What the hell does that mean?

It’s hard to explain.

How often do you dream about me? Dean?

Most nights. I don’t know.

Most…?

Alright, can we change the subject.

I’m never…fully real.

Like when I try to touch you you’re just air. And your face is blurry or something. Never mind. I shouldn’t’ve brought it up. Just a stupid dream.

Well how did it end? This one.

It didn’t, really. We were just there in the Roadhouse drinking and I was saying that to Ellen and Jo was saying that to me and you were looking at me the whole time but I couldn’t feel you. Whatever. Then I woke up.

Sorry.

What’re you sorry for?

Just—

It’s fine.

Dean. I’m real.

I know, Sam.

3:33 a.m.

We’re going out for the biggest fucking breakfast you’ve ever had in your life after this. Get ready, Sammy.

You sure you’re gonna make it that long?

Hangin’ by a thread. For a monster this dude is fuckin’ boring.

I mean, you think he slipped past us? Back door or something?

You wanna knock and find out? That’s what I thought.

I’m sure we got the timing right. Full moon thirty days before the solstice. Has to be tonight.

I’m thinking short stack. Bacon AND sausage. Home fries. Couple over-easys. Fuckin’ gallon of coffee. Damn. Pants are getting tight.

You’re disgusting.

Maple syrup dripping down my fingers. Shit is erotic, what d’you want from me? You seen that typa porn? Oh, wait, what am I saying. You get off to the History channel.

I do not!

Nothing to be ashamed of, Sammy. Those corset dress things? Hot as fuck. I don’t blame you.

I don’t do that.

Okay, kid. Whatever you say.

3:58 a.m.

Just go to sleep, Sam, I got it.

Not…tired.

Real convincing.

I can see the moon. Out my window.

How nice.

Waning—waning gibbous.

I bet it is.

Hey, Dean?

Yup.

Can you.

Huh? Can I what.

Never mind.

No, what?

I was just gonna say can you— Remember that song you loved, the one about moonlight. Dad had it on cassette.

Uh…

You sang it to me. When I was little.

Verging on delirious, dude. Go to sleep.

You remember. I’d be so scared in the middle of the night if Dad wasn’t there. Or when I was sick. You sang it to me. Say you remember.

I remember, Sam.

Can you…?

Oh, come on, I don’t—

Please.

We’re on a fucking stakeout. Waiting for a dude who eats people.

Dean. Dean?

Ugh, fine, just—just shut up. Don’t look at me. And I swear to God if you laugh I’ll take your head off.

Won’t laugh.

Okay. Okay.

Sam? Sammy? Man, that really works on you, huh? Just like— Yeah. Just like back then. Haven’t listened to that song in years. Surprised I even remember the words. There were nights when you were at school, Dad was on a hunt. I’d get shit faced off fuckin’ cask wine. Put down two or three bottles and then park in some field and lay out in the back seat and just. I’d listen to that song a hundred times in a row. And I’d think about you all alone, and Dad all alone, and me all alone. Why the fuck did we let that happen, Sammy? We were supposed to be together. Always. The three of us, and it wasn’t— Hey, did you wake up? Sam wears women’s underwear…

Look, I’m not saying—

It’s not that I—

It just sucked. It sucked so fucking bad. And I’m glad—

Anyway. Whatever. Sweet dreams.

4:47 a.m.

You ate all the M&Ms from the trail mix.

Yeah? And?

Five year old, I swear to God.

4:56 a.m.

Well those are spaghetti westerns, which don’t even count as real westerns.

What are you talking about they don’t count? Of course they count. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly?

Okay but spaghetti western? Seriously?

Oh, don’t start with that it’s racist crap, Sam. Times were diff—

Times were different back then, yeah, I’ve heard the speech.

They’re good enough for Clint they’re good enough for me.

Still don’t think anything beats El Dorado.

Hell yeah. I’m with you there.

5:13 a.m.

Hey, did I—did I say anything? In my sleep?

Nah, you were out.

Oh. Okay.

Why?

No reason.

You having those freak vision dream things again?

No. Not since.

Yeah. Okay. But you’d tell me, right?

Course.

5:16 a.m.

Sun’s coming up soon. What the hell happened? Why didn’t he come out?

I don’t know. Maybe I read the book wrong. Missed something.

We only got one shot at this.

I know, Dean.

5:23 a.m.

Why Ellen? Of all the people who would look for you. Why her? I mean, we don’t even really know her that well.

Beats me. Wondering the same thing.

And what does that mean? Look for me?

It was just a dream, Sam.

Yeah, but what you said, about me—

Please, I really don’t wanna talk about it.

About me not being real.

It’s not. It’s not that you’re not real. It’s just that I can’t, like. Grab hold of you.

Grab hold of me.

Shit. I—

Like I’m gonna run away.

Sam.

That’s what you’re fucking worried about? All this, everything that’s happened. You’re still— Even in your sleep.

I can’t control what goes on in my head, Sam. You of all people should get that.

You’re a fucking asshole.

You asked.

5:31 a.m.

Don’t let me forget to look at the AC later, yeah? Sam? Oh, what, you’re gonna freeze me out now?

5:36 a.m.

It was a shitty thing to say, okay. I Spy a very sorry brother. I Spy a jerk who’s saying stupid shit because he’s hungry and tired and sick of the fucking car. I Spy—

I’m here, Dean. I’m real. I’m here. Do you get that? Where else would I go?

Okay. I know. Yes. I know.

6:02 a.m.

Dean. Dean! He’s coming.

Ow, fuck, you don’t have to hit me, I see him.

Man, he really waited till dawn. Wonder why? Nothing in the lore about that.

Well he’s a mold breaker, Sammy. Who woulda thought. Let’s just hurry up and ice him so I can have my fucking breakfast.

[rockintapper]

hi again!!!!!1

the 1first one, the 2second one

heres me saying stuff about rhythm heaven fever charactersss yaaaayyyy

title girl - pres A and B to start!; what have they done to you

marshal, cam, and miss ribbon: the sillies ever hellooo hiii yayyy,,

monkey and mandrill (hole in one): someone in a yt comment section headcanoned that these two were gods. uh

golfer - is your foot okay

robot (gray/grey): oh, yeah!

robot (white): let's go! (screwbot factory 2 is so fun to play ^_^)

see and saw: YAOIIIIIIIIIIIIII

a boy/kouhai: autism be damned my guy can KICK /silly

his crush/senpai: ngl if i were kouhai i'd be blushing too

weasel couple: why is the girl weasel pink. why. why. why. w

fork: fork

monkey (tambourine): YOURE SO CUTE I WANNA SQIUSH YOU RHAUHURHUAHRAUHHRAHRAHARHU

frogs (tambourine): guh

the executives: they make good points. [spinning in a chair]

assistant: woouohwouuouwowuuowuuH

small monkeys: GOD I LOVE MONKEY WATCH /ref

monkey (remix 2): why is the girl monkey pink. why. why. why. w (shes serving though)

dough dudes: thats what theyre called???

mr. game and watch: what's a guy like you doin in a game like this? /silly

widget: hi widgets (i love built to scale 2 rhf)

baxter and forthington: YAOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

muscle doll: [heavy sigh]

reporter: wubadubaduba, 'zat true?

wrestler: e.

employee #333-4-591032: is munchy momnk your cousin or something /pos

microbe: THEYRE COLORED LIKE IKIGUSARE /VVVVPOS

demons: STOP STEALING FROM PEOPLE

pinwheel girl: gender? i barely know her

another child: wait i thought that was the pinwheel girls mom. wdym shes Another Child /gen

ann glerr: she has muscles. Muscles. character made specifically for lesbians /j

quicknibble: tniy snalll lmaoooo

pausegill: pausegill what the fuck /ref

threefish: once you get the hang of threefish, catch of the day is gg ez no re (<- got it immediately)

captain tuck: he'd be a polar bear. prove me wrong /j; him in the superd screen AHHH /VPOS

flippers: the cuties wauuwiuawuaiwa <333

pitcher: fuckin idiot hats what you get for cheating /lh

slugger:SLUGGER??? S;UGG??ER/ SLIUGG??? SWLUD?? SLGU..?? SLUG??? Watashime S

the huebirds of nah im skipping this one

rhythm rockets: no way its rocket rhythmrocket on tumbler!!! i didnt know they were in this game!! /silly

uh… those guys?: donk DWONK!; man. donk-donk gives me so much joy forever. i love donk-donk.

bossa and nova: they would do so many arts and crafts projects together <3

love posse ft. mc adore: into you! (into you!) (love rap is kinda hard for because i keep tapping too early :( )

the tall TAPPPEOPFWHOULWRIBUILRBVBWEFYBNOIQDWR3YW808u(&^^^^#$q@#%^THE TAPT T AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

the shrimp scamperers: you will never be them /j

school library pep squad: let's everybody go! yay!

bunny man: bunny man 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

girl from samurai slice 2: YAAAAY SHES SO HAPPY AAUHIGHLFVHUBFW THE CUTIE YAYYY

the dough person from working dough 2: what's in that cup. what does that Liquid taste like. is it tea

lady golfer: so proud of her transition <3 /j

cat: Cat. C (hi kasper)

pigeon (hato-kun): boy why you so eepy

clock (mezamashi-kun):if i was that pigeon id have such a negative reaction to that ringing (i hate alarms

beans (omame-chan): i almost didnt notice you hello hi

lady cupid: her and love-san HATE each other /silly

kasuke and kosuke: YURIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

girl's basketball team: why is the hoop alive

frog and frog princess: what if people mistake them for a roach and

chameleon: a precursor to that chameleon minigame in megamix

flies: whats the point of this one

clap trap doll: people Despise you and im curious as to why

driver: tHE FUCKING CHICKNE??? FROM

lieutenant: it's you!

police call guy MY SON HE HAS EVERY DIEASE THE CUTIE THE SILLY MY BABY MY BOY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I WANNA CRUSH HIM LIKE A BUG /VAFF

mr. hi-hat: if you were used in a normal drum set you would not survive

springs (hi-hat): MR UPBEAT??

rhythm fighters: i dont really care about these guys. uh yaoi

okay thas it.

WOWWOWWOW. OTOKO WA

MISSING YOU SABISHII

OH IT'S BLUE…

CRYING /LY

copy and pasted from notepad in case something happened while i edited this post!

[turtlemagnum]

answered these on bluesky, so i figured i should post the answers here too! warning, long!

q: why are you on bluesky? a: twitter started to suck even worse and most of the accounts i used twitter for started to post here too

q: any other social media? a: mostly just tumblr lol

q: still posting on twitter? a: nope! lemme tell ya, i fuckin Tried with twitter. never worked out! oh well!

q: what do you post on bluesky? a: stream of consciousness bullshit!

q: nationality? a: MERICA WOOOO YEAGH USA USA USA

q: gender/pronouns? a: nb more or less comfortable with presenting how i'm expected to (which is to say, male). there are some bits i Ignore (i like having emotions), but essentially i present as a cis man, just a cis man who doesn't really give a shit about the macho bullshit that a lot of them seem to. pronouns are he/they/it, because i don't really care how i'm referred to as long as it's not femininely, and "it" became something of a term of endearment to me

q: one word to describe yourself? a: ORC

q: something you hate about yourself? a: the person i used to be.

q: something you love about yourself? a: y'know i just spent like 5 minutes staring at this question, after spending a while trying not to come off as too self deprecating in the last one

q: what's your perfect date? a: i can only really speak in hypotheticals as i've never really been on a date, but playing video games together sounds nice

q: any hobbies? a: oh god so fucking many dude, you have no idea. writing, music, video games, anime, linguistics, history, i could go on

q: play any instruments? a: i have a guitar that i can't really play, but i've been slowly getting closer to competence over the years. i'm definitely better in a DAW than with something physical though

q: name a random fact. a: animals are real, and you can pet many of them….

q: favorite food? a: definitely a tie between burgers and fried chicken

q: favorite drink? a: this tends to drift over the years but currently it's mtn dew!

q: favorite season? a: winter! it's fucken snowy outside & im very happy about that

q: favorite sport? a: i don't really like sports but i like martial arts and i think that's technically a sport so yeah

q: chinese zodiac sign? a: monkey….!!

q: somewhere you want to visit? a: definitely japan

q: know any other languages? a: don't wanna sound like a broken record but i've been learning japanese on and off for years at this point, and i'm getting scarily close to being competent!

q: favorite song? a: i find it hard to quantify something as complex as art in terms of "favorite" as i find that deeply reductive, so i can't really give a satisfying answer to that, sorry! for the record the last time i would've been able to answer that, it would've been shine on you crazy diamond

q: song you're listening to now? a: mario 1 castle theme i guess? i just have a video running in the background and they're playing mario maker

q: saddest song? a: probably variations on a cloud? i dunno, lot of competition for that

q: first game console? a: n64 babey yeah woo!!!!!!

q: favorite video game? a: see my answer about my favorite song

q: last concert you attended? a: uhhh blossom i guess? i dunno it was years ago and i didn't really like any of the music, it was all kinda mediocre

q: last book you read? a: read a bit of the five rings by miyamoto musashi

q: last movie you saw? a: gremlins babey!!!

q: cat or dog? a: i'm a top, so dogs.

q: day or night? a: i'm a creature of the night, babey!!!!!

q: what's your lucky number? a: 762

q: favorite quote? a: there's a fragmentary sappho poem where bits of what seemed to be several different lines were all that's left of the poem, forming the words "someone will remember us, i say. even in another time", and i'm gonna be real with you and say that whenever i think about it it makes me fuckin cry

feels a bit weird writing this with tears in my eye after thinking about the last one, but here goes:

q: what color is your tooth brush? a: cyan, but i just use whatever is in the multipack i buy from the dollar store

q: favorite movie? a: see my other responses about art! (it's commando)

q: coffee or tea? a: tea, oh my fucking god do i hate coffee, like holy shit dude you have no idea. when i was a kid i drank like 3 pots of coffee and then i puked and ever since then the smell of coffee makes me wanna puke. meanwhile tea is just pretty alright, but way better than coffee

q: favorite character? a: undyne from undertale, though shoutouts to sans, arcade and veronica from new vegas, and also My characters

q: what do you prefer to make? a: i'm definitely more of a writer than anything else, though i'm trying to learn music and visual art

q: who's your favorite OC? a: i don't really consider my characters OCs but my favorite character i've conceptualzed is definitely a tie between agon and aisha

q: who'd you do fanart of? a: i've made fanart of undyne and sans i guess?

q: traditional or digital? a: digital all the way babey!!!!!!!

q: weakness? a: my biggest weakness at the moment is definitely my visual art

q: strengths? a: definitely my writing. i've got a pretty good blend of naturalistic dialogue and flowery language that feels natural to Me, y'know

q: anything you make but never post? a: f:nv erotica

q: weirdest thing you've ever made? a: probably the same answer as the previous question

q: any art goals? a: i'd like to become competent at both music and visual art eventually!

q: do you do NSFW? a: i plan on it eventually but my visual art skills are NOT there yet lol

[butcharyastark]

started black sails, mostly through s1. thoughts so far:

i LOVEEE characters who are definitely morally terrible and you know it and they know it and the narrative knows it but theyre fascinating to watch. im talking abt flint. that man sucks so bad but i love watching his scenes and dynamics.

that ^ would apply to miss guthrie (i forgot her first name) too but i hate her too much for that. consistently wish she was off my screen xoxo

oh my god im so glad the fucking beach camp plot with max is overrrrr. i already zoomed on her as a fave and ik from others she has great plots or characterization or themes later and im v excited for that and im very glad this bs is over

BILLYYYYYY NOOO what the fuck is going on he cant be dead yet can he??? also maybe im misreading but both billy and morley (?i think. i dont have everyones names yet lol) both dying technically offscreen in accidents while isolated with flint after its known they have reservations abt his leadership.... flint did you fucking do this....

honestly i dont give a shit abt mrs barlow or whatev i forgot her name but unexpectedly the priest seduction sideplot is kinda fun and hot. idk why.

i did not expect this to be a sorta game of thrones spartacus vikings etc type tv show but i am kinda vibing actually surprisingly.

I LOVE WHEN SHOWS LET THEIR CHARACTERS AND ACTORS HAVE ACCENTS.

i like that one dude (??? guy with weird sideburns) and anne bonny's whole Thing but i'd like both of them a helluva lot more if 1) he had had ANY reservations or morals abt the whole max situation and 2) if anne bonny had not immediately spurned max after getting her freedom bc hi what the fuck shes been thru enough what is ur fucking damage??? i thought u cared ???

i thought silver would have way more of role so far tbh i thought he'd be like the ProtagTM but so far hes kinda not passing the sexy lamp test. boyfailure? legend? idk but its funny and surprising

i want vain or vane or whatever the fuck his name is to die in a fire. unfortunately hes also kinda interesting onscreen. but i hope he dies brutally later heart emoji

wanna know where the mr. scott plot is gonna go... i thought his convo w the kidnapped woman in the ship hold was v interesting and ik from other ppl this show somewhat goes into discussion of the transatlantic slave trade (some handled badly and some well afaik?) and im curious if shes gonna be a recurring character now or if hes gonna be a pirate bc i assume he cant go back to nassau so like whats going on now??

veryyyy curious abt how this show is gonna end its seasons and do season finales.... i hope theres drama. may update this post w my thoughts after i finish s1 in fact

uhhh OH THE OST FUCKS SEVERELY and the intro (maybe just s1 intro idk if theyre gonna change it) is soooo fuckin cool.

salute emoji

[sillygreenrat]

I have some more smokeybat headcanons, got inspired now

#. Sam gets a big crush on Uzi, he wants to try impress her and hang out with her. So he tries asking her out whenever he can, Uzi oblivious to his crush agrees and hangs out with him a lot.

#. Uzi shows him anime and he ends up liking anime quite a lot, his favourite type being chill slice of life or the cooking anime. Makes him jealous they can't eat like humans can

#. He makes her a badge of their favourite anime character for her to wear on her beanie.

#. Sam is a talented artist and has a sketch book full of drawings and abstract work too. When he on magnets is when some his most colourful work is done. He has a very detailed drawing of Uzi he keeps special. It's of her in class reading, she looked so pretty that day.

#. Sam got a bit jealous when Thad started talking to Uzi , he could see Uzi seemed to like him a bit and was a little sad by that. He got more upset when N showed up because he could definitely see Uzi big crush on him.

#. He talk with Uzi about N and he encourages her to tell him how she feels, being a wingman.

#. Sam writes a love note to Uzi along with a drawing and sends it to her anonymously, hoping to impress her. He was too scared to sign it.

I have more if you like to listen to it

i am SO sorry for taking so long on these lmfao???? i really wanted to think abt these. tysm for sending me all of these delightful thoughts to grab and run with i would absolutely be willing to hear more

1 + 5: it was a crush that's been there since the begining, uzi was always kinda cute and charming, the way she interupted class with sarcastic wit on occasion, the way she would go above and beyond what the assignments were just to have her own fun. sam has always been the more quiet, shut in type, always following rules, never usually being the type to speak up or make a sound, but whenever uzi does something particularly silly he can't help but laugh a little (and boy shes a whole fucking circus so lemmie tell you). though he had to eventually start making moves once thad god involved.

for the record, i do NOT ship thad n uzi, i get it as a ship, but it just aint my thing, however im a big fan of unrequitted love, and i can absolutely see uzi just not being interested in the popular jock type (shes more into the silent stoner type COUGH COUHG(J)), seeing thad as more of a close friend due to him being so caring when no one else seemed to be.

unfortunately for sam the only time he was able to fully talk and get to know uzi was AFTER she was already introduced to his oil (lmfao)

2: this dude wants to eat so bad, let this man manifest some robot mac n cheese for his ass. its not 'hunger' but its like, some fuckin program malfunction due to the magnets that you could compare to stoner munchies but lord does he get angry when uzi puts on a ghibli or some shit and they start makin ramen or some shit.

on the topic of anime tho uzi would absolutely be into anime and try and get sam (and by extention N and possibly V) into anime

current hyperfixation is firmly beliving shes be a nutcase over jujutsu kaisen (would love the curses and their vibe of 'we wanna take over humanity' but the humans are pretty cool too she GUESSES) but i think shed also be into shit like kill la kill, evangelion, maybe even a smidge of ouran on the side bc damn it she wants to be surrounded by a buncha cute boys (and low and behold be projecting trasmasc feelings onto uzi but boy she'd feel a sense of 'man i bet i could pull off a suit' and she WOULD)

3 + 4: him being obsessed w/ drawing n stuff is honestly a small headcanon i had personally!!!!! glad its a thing for another person ugh (positive) he would totally pay attention to the characters she hyperfixates on and go CRAZY making her posters and small keychain hangers and such (probably has an old laminator in his house that he uses to seal the all to keep them from getting ruined). i like to imagine he likes to draw/paint skyscapes, trying to find really interesting cloud formations or spots where the moon shines through them to draw cuz he thinks that kinda shits beauitufl, would absolutely love earth sky's so fucking much let this man see them

6 + 7: N IS BEST WINGMAN. i ship all of them together in one homoginous poly so i can confirm this happened and it was real. would absolutely help sam before he even considered allowing his feelings for uzi show

[timaeusterrored]

(L.A.R.P. PT 1)

((This is based off of me finally watching a comfort YouTuber play True Colors. In this, Kerry is a young single dad living in the small town of Haven Springs. Spoilers for the game if you haven’t seen it💕 also featuring everyone’s favorite college AU homies being silly to make Ted happy))

Vincent Welles had been living in Jackie’s apartment alone for well over a month after the incident. In that month, he has reconnected with old friends, and old lovers. And made some new friends along the way. Including the smallest member of their pack, Ted. He was a cute kid and a splitting image of Kerry, and had the same attitude too. But he and Vincent got along well, even bonded over a comic that Ted was making. Vincent was in deep with that, and talked Johnny’s ear off about it. The guy liked to pretend he wasn’t up to date on the latest issue.

But after the incident, Ted shut everyone out. Vincent knew it was coming, he was 10 and still learning emotions. And as much as Vincent adored Kerry, he knew having a single dad that also sucked with emotions couldn’t be easy either. But Kerry was really trying and it was adorable.

And one way he was trying to get his boy’s spirit back was town wide LARP. And Vincent was all for it.

“I swear to god if you don’t find that feather I’m gonna… steal your edibles.” Kerry grabbed his guitar from Vincent’s table and pointed at him.

Vincent gasped, hand over his heart. “You wouldn’t.”

“Try me.” The kiss on the cheek after proved he wasn’t being serious.

Vincent was still getting ready when he got the dreaded text message with the first thing he saw saying ‘Bad News.’

Ker <3

Ted is not feeling this already, his mom is on her way to come get him

Vincent

What?! We haven’t even started! I’ll talk to him.

Ker <3

Good luck. He ain’t talking to anyone. Not even J.

Vincent

I’ve got this. You’ve been speaking my language since you said LARP

Ker <3

Fuckin nerds

Vincent

Dare I say… you’re more excited about this than we were.

Ker <3

Go fix my kid and shut up <3

Vincent

Love you too

Well that wasn’t reassuring. He knew this shit was hard, and he felt like he was the only one that understood where Ted was in his head right now.

So he grabbed his fake sword and made his way into town.

He found the boy sitting on the dock, a helmet and shield by his side. He didn’t even look at Vincent as he approached, but a blue aura surrounded him. Vincent sat next to him, holding his knees.

“I don’t need cheering up. I’m fine.”

Vincent frowned, looking down at him. “Look dude… I know shits tough right now… but Jackie wouldn’t want us to just mope around yeah? He’d want us to go have some fun.”

Ted held himself tighter, but looked up at Vincent.

“And… your dad made us a pretty epic adventure to go through… but I can’t do it alone. I’d be fried out there!” Vincent exclaimed, poking the boy. Ted smiled, sighing.

“Fine… but only if we do it together. I don’t wanna do it alone.”

“Oh we’re doing this together. I’ve been looking forward to this all week.”

And so the two set out on their quest. Fist stop, the Queen.

Color Vincent shocked when he saw Rogue of all people sitting on the park stage, fake crown and all. Even more shocked when she was speaking the language and seemed to really get into it. Her aura was a golden hue, and her thoughts were of Ted.

‘I’m glad Ted is smiling again. Thought we lost him for good this time.’

The two wandered around the park, discussing their quest. Find six scrolls, and three life gems. Goddamn Kerry was making them work for this, but it was a good distraction. And got everyone out of their slump.

“Found one!” Ted ran over and picked up a scroll, waiting for Vincent so he could open it.

Written in Kerry’s handwriting was a congratulations and a clue to their next location. And a warning to watch out for bandits.

The two wandered about, making their way back to the bar. Vincent had left and the place was clean, but now it was a full on murder scene. Vincent briefly wondered if this was too much for Ted, but he knew Kerry was in charge.

At first, they heard no one. Ted took the lead, walking up to the bar… when Mike popped up behind the counter. And if Vincent knew Mike, he knew the bartender was all into this.

“Oh thank the heavens!” Mike cried, leaned against the bar as if it was the only thing keeping him up. “My heroes!”

Ted looked up at Vincent, who tried to stop his laughter and keep serious for Ted. He nodded for Ted to take the lead, he was the main character in this story.

Mike told them the story of a gang of bandits running in and robbing the place, searching for his life gem. Why Mike had a life gem, Vincent didn’t know. This was Kerry’s first time planning this.

Vincent and Ted were walking down an alleyway when a ‘bandit’ jumped down, the bandit was clearly Judy with a bandana around her nose and mouth. Vincent was amazed he was keeping it together so well for Ted, but seeing his friends this way.

What he didn’t expect, when Ted had yelled to run, was to run head first into someone’s chest. He looked up and have to cover his mouth to keep from laughing.

Standing there, full cosplay and all, eye makeup and bandana around his mouth, was Johnny Linder.