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cassyapper · 4 years ago

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loving you may mean losing you but i dont mind (jotakak playlist)

dont talk to me about the title of this thing im embarrassed enough

anyway but okay so!!!! very excited to share this!!!! this has been in the works since september but my picky ass finally found an adequate amount of songs so here it is!!!!!! my jotakak playlist (:

special thanks to my lovely and wonderful friend jade for helping me finish this this thing <3

track list nd why i picked the songs that i did under the break!

1. the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens i chose this song because it’s all about internalized homophobia and being in love with your best friend as a kid which RLLY resonates w jotakak imo. esp cause in the song, stevens’ friend ends up leaving abruptly, leaving stevens to wonder about what couldve blossomed if they had stuck together and worked through the difficulties together, which JOTARO....THAT IS JOTARO-CORE esp cause kak also “leaves” (dies). so this song was a v obvious choice for me and in fact this song is what inspired me to create this playlist in the first place

2. we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos! this song is abt being in love with someone but you both have ur issues so it’s kind of a mess. considering jotaro and kakyoin’s (to point it quite frankly) trauma and the fact that both of them do jack shit to try and cope with it healthily, this song DEFINITELY fits them. esp cause this song mentions physical fighting and the imagery that goes with it (”he got his teeth fixed/im gonna break them”, “i’ve got a fist on fire”, etc) and the entirety of the bridge/last verse rlly gives me these two’s vibes so! ya (:

3. love love love by of monsters and men this song is the singer feeling like shes completely unworthy of being loved by this important person in her life, particularly because she has NO idea how to show affection and love the (for lack of better word) “acceptable” way, or any way at all really. this REALLY has jotaro vibes cause he is one repressed motherfucker and as we see the entirety of his story, jotaro is full of love he loves so much it’s just he has no idea how to properly express it cause he’s scared essentially. but that didn’t stop people from loving him, in this case, that being kakyoin. hhhhHHh

4. ribs by lorde this song is about being scared of growing up but due to the lyrics being written the way they are, i kinda spin the interpretation of it to be the fear jotaro and kakyoin had on the crusade to egypt, as they were the youngest and didnt know if they’d make it back and everything is just incredibly overwhelming there is so much going on all the time those 50 days. i can do a full analysis on why but that would be kinda long LMAO. for now let’s leave it at they have a very Unique fear of growing up but it still fits with the lyrics. particularly the last bit of the song with the “youre the only friend i need” verses,,,makes me think of these two...

5. can i call you tonight? by dayglow i interpret this song to be about trying to figure out what, exactly, your feelings are for this very specific and important person in your life. since jotaro and kakyoin r both repressed and also suckers of internalized homophobia, i think they fit that theme very well. particularly with the whole “i feel like we’re close, but maybe we’re not actually? what are we?” theme going on in the lyrics, this whole song makes me think of jotaro and kakyoin figuring out their intense and sudden (cause again only 50 days but also, those 50 days had So Much going on) feelings for each other. also the “now i’m no longer alone” line in the chorus HHHHHHH that’s them

6. la la la love song by toshinobu kubota ft naomi campbell SO I KNOW THIS SONG IS KINDA JUST FLUFF but we need some light-hearted moments in this thing hjgg;. ALSO toshinobu kubota is canonically jotaro’s favorite musician so i wanted to reference that and this was my fav love song of his that i’ve found so far so (: also the “you are my shining star” line,,,heh

7. truce by twenty one pilots so this song is very soft. it’s about tending to wounds and taking a moment before continuing to push on. it makes me think abt jotaro and kakyoin taking care of each other on the journey (for example the lovers arc/n’doul fight). also the whole “stay alive, stay alive for me/you will die, but now your life is free/take pride in what is sure to die” makes me go fucking nuts that is. that fits these two to a T fuck

8. this side of paradise by coyote theory this song has big “two lonely people are in love with each other for the first time” vibes and OHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S JOTAKAK.... there are a lot of little lines that make me specifically think abt these two, such as “love so strong it makes me feel weak” (jotaro-core...), “if you’re lonely come be lonely with me”, “i’ll be yours if you’ll be mine” (wanting some security while ur in love for the first time is common but especially for these two i think it works spectacularly) but yea this song as a whole is just...ohhh them. theyre in lvoe HK;FNJFL

9. i saw you in a dream by the japanese house EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. OF THIS SONG IS POST-EGYPT JOTARO. EVERY SINGLE LINE. and the ghost the singer talks about seeing? they hadnt changed at all? they were such a pretty vision, a perfect hallucination? BRUH... just listen i could do a whole analysis on this song it all just fits jotaro mourning kakyoin throughout the years so so so so well it makes me feel nuts holy shit i just. literally every line. every line fits i am not joking. i cried when i first heard this song LMAO

10. video games by the young professionals SO LMAO obviously kakyoin’s epic gamer moves are being referenced but beyond that i interpret this song to just be the fun parts of being in love esp when ur young (backed up with the “kissing in the blue dark” and the “watching all our friends fall” lines). also the chorus just makes me want to cry cause just, happy jotakak moments PLEASE. “the world was built for two only worth living if somebody is loving you, and baby now you do” THEYRE NOT ALONE ANYMORE THEY FOUDN EACH OTHER IM GONAN WAILLLLLLL oh my god. im nuts theynkjNJKNJF also “i heard that you like the bad girls” please. these two shitty teenagers

11. ikanaide by sohta ft. yuki kaai this song is abt not wanting someone u love to leave u cause youll miss them obviously but also ur scared of how the time will change you and if it’ll make you unrecognizable eventually. big post-egypt jotaro vibes 😔 especially cause one part of the chorus translates to “i shouldnt cry, i shouldnt cry, but the truth is i want to say dont go” and im jus like OHHHHH NO IT’S JOTARO FINDING OUT KAKYOIN DIED jkfnNKJFNJDhkld

12. therefore you and me by eve ALRIGHT. god this song is one hell of a doozy. i interpret this song to mean being sincerely in love but youre in the wrong place/wrong time. considering the uh Whole Situation in part 3 there were definitely better times to fall in love for these two. jotaro and kakyoin try to be happy w the moments they do have (i think the second verse in particular adds to this sentiment what with the selfish ghosts part) but they want a better environment understandably so theyre also just kinda ignoring things until they can properly care for a relationship. but well...who knows if theyll live to make it to that better environment ):

13. mayonaka no door/stay with me by miki matsubara this song is a v sweet sentiment abt like “it’s not just heat of the moment!! i do care about u a lot!!” and asking the person u have feelings for to stick around. big kakyoin and jotaro vibes as it would be easy to call what they have a fling considering how relatively short of a timeframe they had but i genuinely think their relationship was deeper than just that and this song nicely reflects such. “jotaro and i will share a room cause we’re both students” fuckin head ass

14. a thousand years by sting oh sting.... so since sting is kakyoin’s favorite musician canonically i had to add one of his songs here as well but beyond just that i do think this song fits them!! it kinda gives me big “if not in this life, then the next” vibes which is a big uhhh thing for jotakak. they may be doomed to tragedy but the moments they have together make the tragedy worth enduring ironically i feel like this song is mostly from jotaro’s pov considering i dont think he ever completely got over kakyoin and this song def has that kinda sentiment but hey it fits them...

15. mr loverman by ricky montgomery SO FUNNY STORY i actually REALLY. REALLY didnt wanna add this song at first cause i felt it wouldve been...idk too cliche? i guess? and i was ALL kinds of picky when choosing songs for this playlist HOWEVER. eventually i relistened to it and read the lyrics while thinking specifically abt jotakak and it actually rlly does fit quite well KJDFN; another jotaro mourning song ): it’s not just the chorus tho the whole song fits jotaro immediately post-egypt but also i feel like some time around part 4 this sentiment would come back to him cause Yknow. Gays In Morioh and the mess of his family life back in america. it just aches for him cause while he’s happy josuke is happy he wishes he couldve had that for him and kakyoin too but yea jus ... them

16. you by petit biscuit an instrumental?? in a ship playlist?? yes that’s right much like mr loverman i was hesitant to put this song in cause it’s harder to justify since i dont rlly know much abt music (and not to b controversial but interpreting lyrics and interpreting music r two different things) however i really think the vibes of this song fit jotakak. it’s got a somber melody but the keys of the piano are high which im taking to mean “light in the dark” which. jotaro and kakyoin (along w the rest of the crusaders) were each other’s lights in the dark. also the ending samples a conference/lecture talking about space flight and like. star platinum. space symbolism. jotaro. yeah

17. saturn by sleeping at last MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. this song is all about losing someone very close and important to you, but reflecting on the good they brought into your life rather than the pain of losing them. this song also has HEAVY space imagery which stardust crusaders is absolutely chalk fucking full of so also it’s a very philosophical song and considering that jotaro and kakyoin are both Nerds and both got a nice view of the stars/space in the desert with each other, im sure they had conversations similar to the one highlighted in the song. i think it’s a good note to end the playlist on cause kakyoin is dead and jotaro is the survivor but it’s not a mourning song so much as jotaro taking the love he had for kakyoin and pushing forward with it allll th way into part 6

but yeah that’s the tracklist! i might add or take away a song or two but this is mostly it (: hope yall enjoy!

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dahniwitchoflight · 4 years ago

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Homesquared Chapter 16

Alrighty, that was a fun tangent, now back to John it seems?

Oh, no, Narration of John (So Actually Dirk, speak of the devil and he shall appear and all that etc etc)

“ leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had. “

pfft lol so Im not the only one that thought it would be funny if that scene was interpreted in a Pale Romantic light, even though that really wasn’t what was happening

OIh! but we still get Roxy, just the other version of Roxy

Roxy subtly being like “hey!! shit has apparently gone down, were not exactly close atm but I feel bad about you dying to want to know if youre still alive so im gonna message you while trying to make it look like i dont care about it as much as I do”

JOHN: trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so

and the wonderful question is, what IS going be happening with you now John?

Roxy looking nice and casual, but also yeah narration, why are you making this ominous, its not like Roxy’s out here to double spy on behalf of Jane, I don’t think Roxys on her side THAT much

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out

ROXY: but so far so good

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Roxy once again being a master of hiding how shes feeling, even when trying to open up, feeling pretty stressed about whats happening with Jane, understandable, the exclamation points give it away lol

The narration is really trying to make John nervous though

OH lol that was the implication haha no lol John it obviously wasn’t that

“John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced? He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.“

lol once again, Dirk has no idea how to read Roxy at all and just trips over himself and his assumptions XD

Yeah, looks like Roxy not on the Jane train and is doing some takesies backsies, shes glossing over her feelings on the matter still though, I know thats par for the course of how Roxy tends to handle stuff too but I wish shed open up a bit more, but maybe shes playing the smart game, yknow, knowing that Dirk has a hard time reading her, so glossing over stuff is how you protect yourself against the narrative force, confusion and vaguery in the narrative and her actions only helps her to keep control over it, because at any point, you can decide to “clear up” any narrative “miscommunication” or “confusion” and lay down what is it thats actually happening with you any time you want

Void working in the behind the scenes to do what they want

JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE.

JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house?

JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self?

JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know?

JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something?

JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames.

JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it.

JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late?

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good.

JOHN: but that’s just bullshit.

JOHN: it DID feel good.

JOHN: i DO feel free.

JOHN: sorry.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize

ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn

JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Im pretty sure you’re talking about a gender thing John, like, very 100% sure now this is what’s happening

because if you were actually a girl, of course you’re dad leaving all these notes about how one day hes gonna be so proud of the man youll become, yeah, that can feel a little pressuring, even if your dad didnt mean it like that, since he was unfailingly the kind of dad just bumbling around trying to understand their kid as best they could and leave encouragements everywhere, thats what his intent was, but all his notes come off a bit wrong in particular issues

remember the note under the fridge that was all like “SON. IF YOURE READING THIS NOTE, YOUVE FINALLY BECOME STRONG ENOUGH OF A MAN TO PICK UP THE FRIDGE.” not exactly that but that was always the vibe Dad’s little notes always had

Yeah, i can see how John would view it as a bit off, but if he hadnt the self awareness to realize it was a gender thing at the time, hed be understandly confused as to why such a thing would bother him

now though, he’s realizing, maybe, he doesn’t exactly want to be the man his dad always encouraged him to be

John does seem a lot happier here in his convo with Roxy than he did on his own when the house was burning, that conversation with karkat left me wondering if John was about to start dissociating he was so down, but here he says he feels freeing and happy about it?

ROXY: but like now that u mention it

ROXY: *meaningful pause*

JOHN: …

JOHN: i

JOHN:

John’s beginning to question stuff, or acknowledge that he’s questioning stuff, cuz it’s true, and hes feeling happy about it, in a way that he wasnt before, but he hasnt quite connected the dots here between the happy feeling and what exactly he has to be happy about

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

JOHN: yeah ok.

Yeah Roxy’s 100% picked up on it, and maybe Dirk has as well if the narration is commenting on it

Alrighty then, to the secret lair under the bed!

oh I just noticed how kind of cute and interesting Roxy’s nickname for Harry is, “Lil H A” Harry Anderson shortens to Ha like laughter haha

and if Harry had Roxy’s last name, it’d be Harry Anderson Lalonde

Lil HAL

lol what is Callie doing under Roxy’s secret bedchamber XD

This whole secret bedchamber thing is turning into one big metaphor isn’t it?

That thing behind the curtain kind of looks like the Attic Portal shape from Hiveswap though

that’d be neat if that was it, like obviously we knew one of the cherubs had to have something to do with that portal just going by the design of it alone

Honestly it makes sense that Callie is doing it under the curtain of Roxy’s Void, it’s honestly the safest place to do something like that

lol Calliope has grown past writing fanfic about shipping and being in love, now the drama of broken relationships and divorce is all the rage XD character growth? haha

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point.

Calliope just burned him harder than his childhood home’s destruction

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

have you been talking to Jake lol (I mean, probably Original Grandpa Jake tbh if that portal is actually the portal)

Alright so John is getting caught up on the major plot points, Earth C is indeed in the large black hole, his choice didn’t matter since both choices happened anyway yadda yadda

CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip.

CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads".

CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads.

yup yup yup pretty par for the course of timesplits in homestuck so far

CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are".

yup, this is true, the ending’s of both referenced the others, so it’s disingenuous to say one is “canon” while the other isn’t

one is simply in the realm of actual possibility, the other is in the realm of unlikely possibility

More than likely, John would have chosen to leave and go die and be the hero like in Meat, but there was still the possibility that he would stay, even if it was unlikelier than the other, but since both were possible choices for him to realistically make, both actually happened for real

CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity

that’s interesting, so there’s the original meteor that crashed into the surface of Earth C, and it’s in here that the singularity of what I don’t wanna call the Green Hole to match the Green Sun when I wanna talk about this specific Black Hole lolol

but yeah, here in this meteor lies the crux of the paradox it seems, interesting, also interesting again, this is where that Hiveswap Portal is

Hiveswap does have a plot point of “Joey must do thing in 11 days otherwise Earth and Alternia will be destroyed” and the only known destruction event of Earth and Alternia so far in canon is the Green Sun’s Creation from the destruction of both universes (and then later Callie’s destruction of the green sun into the black hole) so is Hiveswap gonna be a factor in the green sun’s destruction/creation as well? (Joey has the symbol of the Green Sun for a reason, I’m super curious as to what factor Joey has in relation to the Green Sun’s Existence, We still don’t know what the fact those black monsters are too, they’re like nega-first guardians, the kind of things that look like would come out of a Black Hole that came from the Green Sun tbh)

It’s all inter-related I tells ya

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

You say that now but

CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them.

CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish.

CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart!

CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been.

yeah that’s basically how this multiverse’s reality works, the future is a thing that already physically exists, just in a different location in the universe somewhere else

time travel and spacial teleportation could be said to be the same thing all along

that’s why violating the events of the future has actual consequences, because its like asking to go somewhere that doesn’t exist but how has to exist because it’s the future, too much of that and reality starts cracking at the seams to make room

same thing happens with sessions and playing sburb

the planets and dreaming moons and all that simultaneously have always existed here, and started existing only because the player played the game and the planets were generated upon entering a session, but to the player involved, it looks and feels like you are just being teleported to a different location in the universe, because you also kind of are

CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary.

CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence.

CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon.

CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist!

So you’re just in a little seperated bubble, that’s not connect temporally to any other place of existence, you aren’t anywhere in the past or the future of anywhere else

nowhere leads here, and here can not lead outwards either, theoretically, and yes it exists, so it must also

JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...?

CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal.

CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific.

JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that.

CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U

CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley.

CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u=

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So someone else definitely has managed to do such a thing

JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything?

JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal?

CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not.

CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm.

JOHN: oh.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

yeah, so because here in the black hole neither affects the past or the future of anywhere else, being so disconnected, they are technically free of the reigns of the Alpha Timeline that exists elsewhere in the multiverse

the Alpha Timeline now being understood to simply mean, The Narrative

Things are the way they are because they are thus written to be so

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth.

CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher.

ROXY: its total bs is what it is

CALLIOPE: right, yes.

CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite.

CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Hmmm. It’s a dangerous idea to be playing with for sure, to decide all the black pieces in the game of chess suddenly become white, it is a very flip turning of reality upside down to be sure

To be honest, I’d think you’d need a powerful Doom player at your disposal to even try something like this

or actually, a powerful Doom user would be most likely to shut this entire thing down, knowing how bad of an idea it’d be, maybe it’s more you need a powerful Life player to do something like this instead

is that also why Dirk viewed Jane as an ally then? She would technically have the kind of power to upend the black and white doomy laws of reality if driven to her full potential, i mean obviously yes, we know this already because of the candy colored I-can-do-whatever-I-want-with-no-consequences lollipop

Is this what Calliope hopes to achieve with the Hiveswap Portal then? her goals for Joey and friends are to be the ones to prevent their universe’s twin destructions, and thus the Green Sun’s initial existence and then also the destruction into the Black Hole after the fact? that would be one way to prevent the Black Hole from existing, making it so the thing that creates the black hole never exists either

and that's certainly a canon event that would be difficult to tear asunder without major consequences

That would be a “Re-writing Homestuck from the very beginning” level of canon event

And if I’m correct, Joey is theorized by me to be a Mage of Life, if any classpect at their full potential was gonna do something like that, or have the impossible knowledge to something impossibly paradoxical like that, well..

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh

ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then.

ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense

ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan.

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

I mean yeah! makes sense! Johns major factor here is Freedom, Vriska’s is Importance

and yeah, I can think of no other wholly dramatic event that to mess with stuff with the Green Sun, everyone will have eyes on that, they have to, their whole existence the way it is relies on it

But, they could also mean something else, its only condition is that it has to be something so imflappably impossible, something so not-canon and so outrageous that it basically horse-shoes around to the other end of the canon spectrum to being something that truly exists again

and that could be literally anything and it’s nerve wracking and exciting to see what thing theyre gonna come up with to just directly kneecap Homestuck itself

ROXY: thx babe

ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or

JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine.

(yeah that’s because Babe can be construed as feminine June)

so, I’m basically convinced they’re doing June Egbert now

that to me was like, pretty severely on the nose

John: Hey Roxy, what it does mean when you find a sense of freedom when all of the symbolism of the masculinity surrounding your childhood burns down around you

Roxy: idk It’s probably a gender thing man

John: I didn’t say the word gender-

Roxy: It’s ok babe no pressure, we can hash it out later

John: Hmm, later then. :)

Roxy: (Turns and looks towards the camera with a knowing smile)

shit all that imagery makes me think of Roxy as that picture of the small kid smirking at the camera while a house burns in the distance XD

#Homesquared #june egbert #john egbert #yeah theres no way there not gonna bring up June Egbert as a apossibility now #Roxy couldn't have quirked her eyebrows harder at the fourth wall if they had tried #Homestuck #I'm basically convinced now lol #that plus my reaction to chapter 14

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years ago

Text

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: [a phone number]

Ronnie: found you your own special plug

Joe: Can’t wait to get gang-raped by whoever this is

Joe: or maybe it’s a phishing scam, what route have you gone down 🤔

Ronnie: route of she can be your number 8 cos youre such a bike

Joe: it’s that kind of hook-up

Ronnie: pay for the gear if you cant get it up soft lad she looks fuck all like your ma

Ronnie: couldnt track down no more of her bastards for you soz

Joe: taking your role that seriously?

Joe: alright

Ronnie: getting out of it

Ronnie: she can babysit you

Joe: she probably lost custody of her own so

Joe: nice of you on all fronts

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: what, your dealer don’t like me or something

Ronnie: how the fuck would i know like

Ronnie: and how would he you legged it out of there soon as he showed

Joe: no shit I did

Ronnie: ordeals over now baby go cry to your new mammy about it

Joe: unlikely

Joe: but it ain’t my ordeal so

Ronnie: they ll swab & treat him he ll be sound

Joe: give a shit about him

Ronnie: if youve got something to say

Joe: I just said it

Joe: I don’t care about him

Ronnie: you dont care about me fuck off with your heroics

Joe: you didn’t want swooping up and saving, don’t mean I don’t give a fuck

Ronnie: your student loan aint gonna cover both our habits youd have me dopesick cause youre fucking jealous that means you dont

Joe: you’re jealous

Joe: and I said, didn’t stop you, didn’t say you had to

Joe: what’s fun about something oozing and itching in your pants, that’s all

Ronnie: of what

Joe: of every boring ex I have or will ever have

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: get em in a room together and they aint even jealous of each other

Joe: I know

Joe: x2

Ronnie: you dont know shit mckenna

Joe: so today I’m green

Joe: not the know-it-all smug college kid

Joe: nice to know how to play it

Ronnie: smug is right whenever i aint gonna suck your dick cause you can read music

Joe: that’s all that’s stopping you?

Ronnie: nah remember its the death wish attention whoring & mommy issues

Ronnie: cant both be functioning junkies youd have fuck all else to get a boner about

Joe: how long have you been doing heroin

Ronnie: youve got loads of catching up to do

Joe: yeah, so I don’t know why you’re acting like I’m being high and mighty

Joe: it’s literally been days

Ronnie: cause you are

Joe: no I’m not, just ‘cos I’d rather not suck dick when I have the funds

Joe: would you do it if you had the cash, that’s just stupid

Ronnie: youve been comparing me to any & every cunt since we met

Joe: like you don’t shit on me any and every chance you get

Joe: you were acting like them, the whole none of my shit is real because yours is SO real, that’s her whole bit

Ronnie: you cant stop fucking doing it even now fucks sake

Ronnie: i shit on you for you its not like i have any cunt to compare you to

Joe: alright, if you’re that sensitive about it

Joe: I’ll really stop

Joe: there 🤐

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: nah, that was a dick move, alright

Joe: let me make it up to you

Ronnie: youre crying shes a patronising cunt guess what youre right there too

Joe: alright, I deserve that

Ronnie: drop dead

Ronnie: yeah its been days days of me giving you whatever the fuck you ask for

Joe: I know

Joe: so what do you want, seriously

Joe: I’ll do it, make it happen, whatever

Ronnie: like fuck can you make anything happen

Ronnie: youre like every other doss cunt i know theres your comparison

Joe: Probably am

Joe: but you’re the only person I’ve met who feels close to whatever the fuck I am

Joe: there’s the truth

Ronnie: whichever of your exes that worked on is more west than either of us

Joe: Oh I can easily be that dickhead and tell you how crazy they all were

Ronnie: go ed

Joe: the second to last one was the worst

Joe: full-on stalked and harassed the last one like, for no reason

Joe: she also messed with all my shit in a way she thought would send me into an OCD spiral because she didn’t get it

Joe: and when she started hooking up with some other kid she’d send me pics like I’d be 💔

Joe: that’s just after, that was all kind of amusing in a boring way, she was less amusing to be with but more mental

Ronnie: shouldve had some tips off her for the stalking bullshit its probably not too late to send her a dm

Ronnie: ones ive got from this is i dont have to bother learning the alphabet cos id be better off fucking with your record collection by smashing it up & child porn does fuck all for you

Joe: that is my thing, turning up uninvited to fuck everything up

Joe: she might go for it

Joe: exactly, both good to know, yeah 😏

Joe: all pretty basic and vanilla but still, annoying as shit

Ronnie: unless you can get me to do it for you yeah

Ronnie: dinners at what like 7

Joe: you’re gonna ruin my happy uni home?

Joe: oh no

Joe: be there be 7, eating at 8, apparently

Joe: time to ‘mingle’ as she put it which sounds suspicious af

Ronnie: fucking hell

Ronnie: thank christ i already hate you

Joe: saves times, energy less so

Joe: your mate is up for it, unless he’s a convincing liar, which I could see

Ronnie: what energy do you want name it theres gear thatll give us it

Ronnie: he is but i cant see the con shes got fuck all any cunt wants other than pasta shapes & mariahs likely on a diet

Joe: 🤤 and not over her appetizers, like

Joe: there’ll only be the 6 of us so we’ll need entertainment

Ronnie: lad flatmates bringing a bitch

Ronnie: shes gonna need something to get her through it or something she can use to end it

Joe: yeah he has a missus

Joe: even though him and Sophie belong together as the most average whitebread couple ever

Ronnie: make it happen then

Joe: where’s my bow and arrow

Joe: their 💘 ain’t my problem

Ronnie: you said you could do whatever and we needed entertainment

Ronnie: put all that money where your mouth is

Joe: you’re well sweet

Joe: you want her to be living her best life

Joe: dunno if I can hack being his shoulder to cry on in the interim

Ronnie: your teeth wont have time to rot before you choke on em talking to me like that

Joe: go on then

Ronnie: you owe me i dont owe you

Joe: I thought you’d ask for something better

Joe: but your loss

Ronnie: yours youre thinking about it

Joe: I get it, you want it to be hell living here

Ronnie: i dont wanna have to ask

Joe: for what

Ronnie: anything

Joe: why not

Ronnie: you think you can read my mind or some shit

Joe: I’d like to

Joe: and I think you get me, and yeah, I think I get you more than the bullshit mommy issues attention whore comment that was to get a reaction

Joe: I don’t think we’re twin flames just because we share some DNA, I’m not that kind of delusional, believe it or not

Ronnie: cause weve shared a needle though yeah

Joe: I get it, another kid with a habit, you’ve met hundreds

Joe: it is different though

Joe: tell me it isn’t

Ronnie: different cos its a habit you didnt have days ago

Joe: it’s not your fault

Joe: for good or bad

Joe: you didn’t spike me without asking

Ronnie: i didnt say that

Ronnie: i said thats why its different

Joe: yeah

Ronnie: nobody did any of this shit for me i dont know why im doing it for you

Joe: do you want to, or do you think you need to

Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter

Joe: you either fuck with me, you like fucking with me or you think you’ve got to protect me or some bollocks

Ronnie: protect you from the needle i stuck in your arm yeah that makes loads of sense

Joe: from getting a bad dose, being beat up by one of your dealers

Ronnie: i just wanted a front row seat

Ronnie: im not gonna get one when your family finds out

Joe: that’s fine by me

Joe: you reckon they’ll fly me home for an intervention then?

Joe: shouldn’t be surprising how oblivious they are

Ronnie: i dont care what they do to try & fix it youll be at rock bottom by then

Joe: they won’t try, they don’t

Joe: just because I weren’t shooting up doesn’t mean I haven’t been doing plenty other fucked shit for ages without it ever being a conversation

Joe: one of the kids that they took in, is a walking skeleton

Joe: can’t get her to eat, some reason don’t do anything but try to reason with her like she’s reasonable, never mind the rest

Ronnie: no shit they dont i was proof of it before you or her

Ronnie: in the same town with the same name she fucking gave me and still out of sight out of mind

Joe: precisely

Joe: so if you’re hoping fucking me up will get her to come about then you shouldn’t bother, honestly

Joe: save yourself that disappointment

Ronnie: it aint about her paying attention

Joe: good

Ronnie: you wanna know me i only want you to know what it feels like

Joe: then let’s do it

Ronnie: nah i was rem to reckon it was worth shit

Ronnie: it aint

Ronnie: you aint

Ronnie: youre never gonna have your head wrecked how mine is and i cant be arsed to put the time in fucking you up in the selfish special way i need when you keep pure loving it like

Joe: is that not indicative of how I’m already quite fucked enough

Joe: just because it’s not abandonment based

Joe: what normal cunt would love any of this, even contact you again after the first

Ronnie: fuck no

Ronnie: youre living your best life and it makes me wanna hang myself

Joe: Christ, you’re up yourself, aren’t you

Ronnie: &

Joe: you want me to roll my sleeves up again and show you the recent damage?

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: [pics]

Ronnie: [obvs gotta send him some back]

Joe: [a straight up new one like just did it]

Ronnie: [ofc she has to also like this is a competition]

Joe: [hope you started small so you have somewhere to go ‘cos the vibe]

Ronnie: [knowing y’all you didn’t but it won’t stop you and I will be forever on edge]

Joe: [so grim, don’t pass out]

Ronnie: [or end up needing stitches]

Joe: [probably do them yourselves, ick]

Joe: do you fucking get it yet

Ronnie: why do you care

Joe: why do you think

Ronnie: i keep telling you i dont

Joe: braindead sounds ideal

Ronnie: horse girl not about to suffocate you

Joe: she would if I let her, like

Joe: 🍈🍈

Ronnie: wait til theres a chance ill choke on my vomit next time christ

Joe: so lay back and I’ll tell you some more

Ronnie: ok go

Joe: [go on about Sophie in a way I shall not even bother but let us assume it is crude and rude af]

Ronnie: [we’re not into poor Soph but they clearly are]

Joe: [just fuck and get it out the way lads, so rude to everyone else rn]

Ronnie: [honestly, but hopefully at this dinner party because Jamie jealousy will be off the charts]

Joe: [Charlie gon have to keep quiet ‘til you home lmao]

Joe: Any luck?

Ronnie: got no pasta shapes in my system have i

Ronnie: but why the fuck are you not lurking to save me

Joe: you want me to swallow the bile for you then, okay

Joe: the last one looked deep

Ronnie: deep enough if you wanna pussy out and spit instead

Joe: I don’t

Joe: where are you

Ronnie: dorothys

Joe: he in?

Joe: if I have to show him it’s brotherly concern you’ll only die quicker

Ronnie: nosey cunt wouldve stopped me

Joe: Yeah

Joe: I can say sorry if you want or I can just come patch you up and not lie first

Ronnie: i dont need your help

Joe: I know

Joe: purely wanna save you for my own complex and to be loving life even harder

Ronnie: wank off about the sos from the other day thats it i cant top you carrying me out til the bleeding stops

Joe: I’m coming over

Joe: you’ve got time to lock the door if you really don’t want me to come in

Joe: can get my own shattered glass without breaking his windows

Ronnie: he must like you to have given you his address

Ronnie: but not enough to overshare the door dont lock cos i broke it 💔

Joe: or am I better stalker than you give credit

Joe: thanks for the tip, baby

Ronnie: youd have been waiting for me to get here not the other way round

Joe: You do want me to read your mind

Joe: maybe a lobotomy will help

Ronnie: hot

Ronnie: reading your mind you want me to pass out before you fuck me but its not that deep

Joe: the wound or the vIbEzzZ

Ronnie: this your coming out cos you sound like charlie

Joe: just trying to turn you off, don’t want blood to gush out

Ronnie: liar youd be made up to see that

Joe: not hiding in the bushes yet

Joe: slow down

Ronnie: youre used to being the big brother i get it

Joe: Something like that

Ronnie: i know how to ride a bike without stabilisers or whatever the fuck

Joe: and tie your shoes

Joe: it’s alright, we’ve established I’m not a paedo

Joe: what can’t you do then

Ronnie: err what a nonce would say

Ronnie: read music we also fucking established

Joe: you teach me how to shoot myself up, I’ll teach you how to

Ronnie: not a fair swap i dont need to learn how

Joe: You don’t wanna be a babysitter either, so you’ve said

Ronnie: you dont like me any more or what

Joe: Of course I do

Joe: You got me my own dealer first

Ronnie: you asked me to 1st

Joe: How did I?

Ronnie: what else is ? for a plug without giving a fuck if ive rattled myself into a ditch

Joe: If I talked to you as much as I felt like

Joe: You’d tell me to fuck off more than you already do

Joe: I’ve got no clue where the line is, how much you want me to care

Ronnie: what line

Ronnie: i dont want you to care

Joe: Tough shit

Joe: I didn’t ask you to get me a dealer

Ronnie: you fucking did

Joe: I just didn’t wanna see you suck dick on my behalf, alright, that’s all

Joe: what you do for yourself is your business

Ronnie: calm down nothing i do is for you

Joe: 👌

Ronnie: dont call her then

Joe: you on commission?

Ronnie: 🖕

Joe: If I do, you’ll still have to see me

Ronnie: youll see me bleed out on the kitchen floor 1st

Joe: You’re a pro, I know you’re being overly-dramatic

Ronnie: at opening as many veins as itll take to not have to see you again yeah

Joe: to make me hurry*

Joe: I’m on the tube

Joe: you have to live in the middle of nowhere

Ronnie: no fixed address i told you

Joe: ❗️

Joe: if there’s a break-up or a thruple, you can have the extra room

Joe: makes sense now

Ronnie: it dont make sense you reckon we can afford any extras however far out

Joe: like you said, she’ll get homesick and chuck it in even if Marc won’t dump his girlfriend

Ronnie: if she does youll be homeless too like unless his missus is gonna cover the costs of the en suite for you

Joe: you can have my room, it’s the smallest

Joe: they can have the en-suite palace and I’ll take theirs, which is not next to the others 👌

Ronnie: not that youve thought loads about it

Joe: if you heard her disney playlist everyday, you’d think about it as well

Ronnie: id think about killing her or myself not a cosy little bed swap

Ronnie: shed never hack living with me nor would you

Joe: well that thought is never far from the front of my mind

Joe: if you need the bed, you know it’s yours

Ronnie: get it through your head i need fuck all from you

Joe: yeah, yeah

Ronnie: theres this way of living when youre not inside your ma in every possible sense course you aint heard about it

Joe: you need to prove you’re self-sufficient ‘cos no one’s ever given a shit about you but Charlie and the other one

Joe: I’m aware you’ve made it to your old age without me, you’re alright

Ronnie: i need to be it the only proofs im not dead yet baby

Ronnie: you need me to be old cos im not in a fucking coma & you cant get it up else

Joe: I’d rather be in the coma myself but you can be too

Joe: not calling dibs

Ronnie: oldest gets 1st dibs

Joe: *until the youngest cries about it so much you get told to give in to shut ‘em up

Ronnie: try me

Joe: you know you can’t hack my crying

Joe: does your head in SO much

Ronnie: save it for when you need lube or horse girl is gonna be coming after you with the leftover glue so you can never fucking leave her

Joe: come at you with the needle and sew us together, babe

Joe: unlucky

Ronnie: more than unlucky if i cant bust a stitch open to be the dead girl you want

Joe: you’re the dead girl I want already come on

Ronnie: til i teach you how to 💉 yourself

Joe: nah

Ronnie: 💘

Joe: looking well deformed these days, my one

Ronnie: could cut it out know youd be made up for the matching needlework

Joe: you play mad professor I’ll play corpse

Ronnie: long as i dont have to play nice

Joe: know what you take me for, actually, but no

Joe: obviously not

Ronnie: cant take you anywhere even if i did wanna

Joe: god imagine the dent in your street cred, sis

Ronnie: if i could cry i obviously would

Joe: repression or fucked tear ducts from all the 😭 you been doing

Ronnie: what im that baby faced youre taking me for a newborn now

Joe: nah, mr i don’t fuck kids here, remember

Joe: plus kids are always calling 999 by mistake and they’d get there before me

Joe: maybe, depends how many people have stabbed other people today

Ronnie: id have got the numbers up but ive been busy like

Joe: gotta make time for you, babes

Joe: it’s called self-care

Ronnie: ask me what with

Ronnie: shittest stalker ever you are

Joe: go on

Joe: school us

Ronnie: cant cry cos when i was linking you with a plug you dont want i was getting myself linked with your meds

Ronnie: best guess as a better stalker than you & less basic white girl than your crazy ex

Joe: 💡 fairplay

Joe: won’t tell you any other side-affects, see if you can guess ‘em right

Ronnie: i wasnt gonna take em but you want me to get you so bad

Joe: yeah misunderstood white boy is selling less these days

Joe: help a brother out

Ronnie: fuck all has happened so i probably cant

Joe: 💔 oh well

Joe: they’re nothing exciting, even though I managed to get the highest dosage they’ll do

Ronnie: maybe mines off for not giving you the benefit of the doubt when i could continue reckoning youre such a pussy

Joe: you’ll forget by tomorrow, no problem

Ronnie: neither brother is gonna let me if they walk in on me microdosing theyll reckon its a getting well party and get the deccies out

Joe: only so many times you can just kidding that ‘fore it gets old

Joe: we’ll go out, when I get there

Ronnie: where you kidnapping me to baby

Joe: I know enough to know it’s all wrong turns and blindfolds, not giving you a map

Ronnie: if its a&e no cunts finding your body even with a map

Joe: piss off

Ronnie: give us a clue

Joe: I’ll mark it with an X if you do me

Ronnie: if you ever fucking get here

Joe: if we were sewn together this wouldn’t be a problem

Ronnie: wanting to look like twins so nobodyll give a shit that you wanna fuck me would be something youd think about on the tube mckenna

Joe: they run in my old man’s DNA so have to look for those bastards instead

Joe: all I know about hers is addiction

Ronnie: course he does fuck alls your own idea

Ronnie: if hes got a sister even a meff nancy drew like youll be able to find bastards they had together

Joe: loads, Catholic, remember

Joe: twins kid is black though so process of elimination

Ronnie: cute how that runs in your family too like

Joe: guess so

Joe: not like it’s that crazy a concept

Ronnie: not like youve ever met an irish catholic who werent a saint yeah

Joe: it’s a fucked place to live

Joe: really third world in that respect

Ronnie: your real da is who you wanna look for if hes got no bastards going about its cos he cant knock anyone up

Joe: that your all men are pigs stance

Joe: alright courtney calm down

Joe: I’m out now anyway, don’t need a real mum or dad to come rescue us from the priests and that

Ronnie: nah its a fact unless his twin kept going up the backstreet or he was only sticking it in her other 2 holes

Joe: they didn’t really grow up together

Joe: he left when he was 15

Joe: maybe she was a late bloomer, happy days

Ronnie: 💔 your ma wasn’t then i wouldnt be here

Joe: no dig about how you’re dying now anyway ‘cos I’m taking so long?

Joe: you must be fading fast and not just being a dramatic bitch

Joe: good thing I’m in [wherever we ended up locating y’all] now

Ronnie: shut up i said its not that deep

Ronnie: youre the dramatic bitch legging it here for a fucking scratch

Joe: you wanted me to

Ronnie: you want to i dont give a shit

Joe: right, that’s what I meant

Ronnie: you can stop with the gay shit i told you hes not here

Joe: gays don’t own sarcasm

Ronnie: they own getting attached to cunts fast who dont care

Joe: awh, you being replaced rn?

Ronnie: horse girl wishes

Joe: Can’t catch a break or a man that one

Ronnie: after a pity fuck with you who knows what shed catch

Joe: you wanna infect her by-proxy, you’re so blatant

Ronnie: i shouldve got you to bring her my bloods everywhere

Joe: adding her puke to the mix would make it interesting, sure

Joe: bet she knows first aid

Ronnie: if youre too pussy to break my ribs yourself get back on the tube

Joe: threaten me with a good time

Ronnie: i just did

Joe: without meaning it, yeah

Ronnie: try and hurt me i mean it

Joe: [why do y’all always set the tension so high lads lmao, we know but]

Ronnie: [me and my boo here like calm down you can’t hook up yet but they are both like !!!!]

Joe: [shouldn’t have let you get on that train sir but you would so]

Ronnie: [I shouldn’t let her open her mouth ever but here we are]

Joe: [forreal lmao]

Ronnie: [gotta draw an x on him in her blood when he shows up before we can do a more permanent one however we are either as a scar or tattoo so soz for increasing the tension even more lol]

Joe: [just got to stare at her for ages and then shove her away very dramatically ‘cos you can’t, head through to whichever room she was bleeding in to assess/gawp at]

Ronnie: [she’s gotta lol like well if that’s the best you can do at trying to hurt me I’m not worried]

Joe: [‘whaddya use?’ and just going through this flat as if you’ve been here before/were invited by anyone but Ronnie vaguely because manners can’t matter when we’ve gone this far already]

Ronnie: ['what, you didn't

touch yourself enough on the tube?' but we are obvs showing him whatever we did use because it's just another way to flirt and we can use it to make that x happen so]

Joe: [shakes head ‘spill too much and they emergency stop’ and a look like do I look like I wanna be on a psychward but in a 😏 don’t answer that way, doing our own tallies with it, of course]

Ronnie: ['we're walking then' like where are you taking me don't get comfy bitch]

Joe: [little disbelieving lol like excuse me princess ‘your carriage was unavailable’

Ronnie: ['no shit the horse is dead busy']

Joe: [‘I ain’t taking you to a stable’]

Ronnie: ['that's where we ain't going, now tell me where the fuck we are' because we're like an excited kid about this]

Joe: [it’s cute and we clearly think so even if we’re distracting ourselves with this self-harm so we don’t go too far, unrelated but I haven’t thought where yous are going lmao but I’m vibing something London but something she wouldn’t have done, something music related, also if it has like, kid vibes, bonus, I’ll have to look so just keeping tight-lipped to be annoying and surveying the bloody carnage he’s now added to ‘you want to clean up?’]

Ronnie: [it'd be cute if there was something like thinktank but for music instead of science but idk if that exists anyways in answer to that question she's just gonna remove her top or whatever like yeah it do have blood on even though we know that's not what he means because we're still in a flirty mood despite how annoying his non reply is]

Joe: [that’s what I’m vibing but likewise have no idea, I’m sure there is shit though and you could find it Joseph, anyway, truly the this is fine meme about that ‘cos you can’t turn away 😳 but also boy don’t, moving like you’re gonna come close to her though]

Ronnie: [soz Charlie cos she shamelessly threw her top on the floor and isn't gonna clean up any of this blood even on herself like I literally should say she goes to the sink and then to get clean clothes but instead we all know she's just gonna take Joe's jacket or whatever and put that on, thank god he's all about the layers]

Joe: [god bless the grunge

aesthetic, ‘do you do it in front of him?’ and touching the cuts that are still showing ‘cos you know there’s some still, and it is like when and where do you do this when you do not have a room lmao]

Ronnie: ['yeah' leaving it up to him whether he wants to think it's in an attention whore way cos we're still annoyed at that call out lol but realistically it's just because of how long they've known each other and how they be living, she's not actively trying to upset Charlie that much most of the time]

Joe: [‘does he do it?’ ‘cos we can’t imagine it from the little we know but also can’t imagine him just chilling if he isn’t as fucked as them]

Ronnie: [the facial expression equivalent of his amused lol earlier because no]

Joe: [dropping it even though you find this odd like don’t worry boy, the tea is he is getting over it and wanting her to stop, pulling the jacket sleeve to take her out the door like come on]

Ronnie: ['he knows what'll happen if he tries to stop me' cos you can't tell me that when they were younger he didn't do exactly that and she went ballistic but more importantly HOW DARE YOU BOO because that is 1000% a Fraze move and I'm dead]

Joe: [yes I thought it was legit for a parallel, enjoy the long trip back to central guys]

Ronnie: [idk how we are gonna stop you hooking up to fill the time other than the other people in close proximity lol]

Joe: [maybe a uni/work obligation can come in and he has to go like legit ‘cos that’d kill this off]

Ronnie: [personally devastated that means an iou for this cute date but I love how fuming she would be at never finding out where they were going]

Ronnie: [not to mention the not at all casual and public domestic they’d have would be such a fat mood and show she cares when she’s literally like umm what the fuck do you mean you’re leaving]

Joe: [love how blatant we both are individually]

Ronnie: [hard same]

Joe: They sprung that rehearsal on us last minute

Joe: I already said, I’d give you the funds and you could go do whatever

Ronnie: and i told you to go fuck yourself

Ronnie: or your cello

Joe: I wouldn’t have wasted my time let alone yours if I knew that was gonna happen

Joe: how would you go about fucking a cello, exactly

Ronnie: waste more of your own time figuring it out its your raging hard on for it

Joe: I can’t not go

Joe: they make you sign a bloodoath when you get in basically

Joe: no excuses

Ronnie: youd have found an excuse fast enough if id stuck a needle in your arm

Joe: no, I wouldn’t, ‘cos it wasn’t an option

Joe: there was already enough damage to hide

Ronnie: i dont give a shit what options youve got

Joe: right, tell it to the crowd that amassed, they might believe you a tiny bit more than I do

Joe: I’ll make it up to you, okay

Ronnie: thats what soft cunts wanna hear when you cant hide no more & since you reckon you wont be getting forced into treatment you get to keep your gob shut for all that being sorry bullshit

Joe: make it into something it ain’t ‘cos you can’t hack hearing it

Ronnie: i dont wanna hear from you end of

Joe: alright

Joe: see you around then

Ronnie: 🖕

1 note · View note

dog-teeth · 5 years ago

Note

i hope its alright to ask for some advice, these past couple of months ive been exploring my identity more and believe i am trans.. ive been dating this boy for almost 7 months now and when i once brought up that i'm not very comfortable with people calling me by my name or using she/her pronouns. and his response was that if i ever wanted to be trans i was on my own and that he didn't want anything to do with me. i have no idea what to do.

if he isnt supportive of you exploring your gender identity, i think you should dump him. its better to be able to be yourself and be single than it is to repress yourself for the sake of some boy youve been with for 7 months. you dont “want to be trans” you Are trans. its not something you can want or choose, its something fundamental about you, and you can either choose to live honestly and be your true self or you can play the role of the cis girlfriend and get more miserable trying to be something youre not. if you want to change your name and pronouns, do it. dont stop yourself for the sake of a cis person. sometimes relationships have to end because one person is trans and sexuality is a very definitive thing for some people. thats okay. youll live. i think it would be much better to go find someone who loves you for who you are, transness and all. breakups suck but they happen often, and you will heal from it just fine. but repressing your true self to try to please someone else is much worse than a breakup. being trans is beautiful and awesome and you deserve someone who appreciates that part of you. it can be scary if youre just starting to figure it out, but i promise everything will be okay as long as you have confidence and faith in yourself and do whatever you can to make yourself happy. i cant imagine that pretending to be cis and continuing a relationship with someone who would break up with you if you decided to be your true self would make you happy. you dont have to tell him youre trans, you can just break up with him, you dont owe him anything and you owe yourself every chance to be happy. maybe talk to a supportive friend about it, esp a trans friend if you have any. good luck! sending good vibes!

#ez answers #advice #Anonymous

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mrs-i-have-too-many-biases · 6 years ago

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A love like silk// Han Jisung pt3

Bad boy!Jisung

Genre: Angst/ Fluff

Summary: Silk, one of the softest fabrics on the planet. It’s breathable and comfortable. Just like how he was to you. He gave you space to breath. He always made sure you were okay. Yet why, do people say he’s bad to you? He gave you a love that’s soft and tender. A love that involves soft touches, tight hugs for comfort and sweet talk, smooth like silk.

Word count: 5,2k

Warnings: Terms of bullying, signs of depressed themes (if you look well).

“Is there something I can help you with?” Y/n asked confused as Jiyeon kept moving closer to her. She was about to say something until Yasmin interrupted, dragging Y/n away from her.

“What was that?” Yasmin asked her friend as they walked back outside. “I don’t know, she suddenly started to talk to me.” “Ever since you got into this school, you’ve been getting into trouble. Like first Jisung and his little friends and now the meanest and most popular girls are after you.” Yasmin groans. “Wait, what?” Y/n said. “Jiyeon is the most popular girl in our school, well at least she was.” “What happened?” “You came to our school.” Yasmin stated. “I don’t get it.” Y/n said in confusion.

The girls stopped walking and Yasmin explained to her, that ever since she got into this school, the boys were drooling over her instead over Jiyeon like they used to do. Yasmin also told her friend that Jiyeon has been trying for years to get close with Jisung and his friends since she clearly has a crush on Jisung.

“I still don’t get it. Boys like me?” “Y/n, seriously. Can’t you see how they look at you? Only Chan and his friends are not like that though, but every other guy in our school is basically fantasising about this exotic girl from Singapore, who speaks different languages.” “So, basically they like me, because I’m a foreigner.” Y/n laughs. “Yeah, pretty much. But, also since you’re so different from other girls. Like, you don’t always wear makeup and they seem to love that. You are comfortable with literally anybody, I guess boys are into that.” Yasmin laughs as well. “Speaking about boys, shall we return to Jisung and the others.” “I guess so.”

The girls were walking back, not noticing that Jiyeon was glaring at them from behind their backs. Her blood was boiling and she stormed off before anybody could catch her like this.

Jisung had been waiting impatiently for Y/n (and Yasmin) to return, he wanted to be around her as much as possible, but he didn’t know what he could do. After lunch break was over and most of his friends had gone back to the places they had to be at, he went to his class. Something he usually didn’t do, but Y/n got this vibe around her that made him wanted to do good things. He also almost told his friends about how he babysits Hyunsun every weekend, and that that’s why he can’t always hang out.

But, he quickly shook that off as soon as they left. Even though Jisung was in class, he wasn’t paying attention. And that was like him. His mind was once again settled on Y/n. He groaned loudly in frustration, confused by his feelings. Also catching the teacher’s attention.

“Just a sore throat sir.” He would reply. ‘In what way could I get her to like me- wait hold up.’ He said to himself. He stared outside in shock, seeing that she was having PE class at the moment. His mind was blurry, making it hard to think straight. ‘Do I really like her?’ He asks himself. He looked outside once again to see you goofing around with Yasmin as you played basketball.

Jisung was smiling to himself as he watched her through the window. ‘She’s different.’ He states clearly in his head.

‘She’s not like the girls here. They secretly wear makeup and are too shy to talk to guys, when they do want their attention. Y/n on the other hand, she just talks to everybody. Even the teachers seem to like her. She’s cool.’

Jisung smiled to himself once again, getting comfortable about the thought of falling in love with her. ‘If only the boys knew.’ Jisung chuckled to himself, till he reminded something.

Jiyeon.

“It’s Jiyeon, isn’t it?” Minho had asked. “Yeah sure.” He had answered without thinking.

‘Shit.’

Jisung groaned once again, realising the trouble he had begun. Because he knew Jiyeon could find out any moment. He didn’t really like her. Yes, she had a pretty face, but she wasn’t his type. Jisung shook it off and ran out of the classroom to find Y/n, because they had English together.

“Alright class take a seat. Today we’re going to do something different. First, I’ll be testing your vocabulary by asking you to translate the English word to Korean. Second, I’ll be setting you up in pairs for a presentation you’ll have to make and present.” The class groaned loudly at the thought of having to present in front of the class.

“Sir, that’s so old school though.” One of the students tried. “Well too bad then, I’m the teacher and I get to say what you do I the class.” “Can we at least-“ “I’ll be telling more about the presentation later, now first. A test on your English vocabulary.”

Jisung had claimed a seat next to you. He was staring at you whilst he laid his head on the table. Y/n took a glance to her right where Jisung was sitting and laughed. “Is somebody tired of babysitting Hyunnie?” She cooed playfully as she caressed and pinched his cheek teasingly.

Jisung’s heart had skipped a beat by the sudden touch of her fingers. “She is a handful.” He admitted making Y/n laugh before she focused on the class again.

“What is ‘매혹적인’ (maehogjeog-in).” The teacher asked, but the class was silent.

Y/n looked around carefully, before raising her hand carefully.

“Yes, Y/n.” “It means ‘fascinating’.” “That’s right.” The teacher smiled.

The class was surprised and kept on going. Jisung was surprised as well and poked her in her side to get her attention.

“May I ask you something?” He whispers. “Sure.” “Why didn’t you tell the boys about Hyunsun?” “Well, I thought you might wanted to seem ‘manly’ in front of them. And it’s also up to you to tell them. That’s why I backed you up. Why are you asking?” She asks. “Nothing special, I was just wondering-“ “Jisung what is ‘조심해’ (josimhae) in English?” The teacher interrupted.

Jisung stared at the teacher, not knowing the answer. The teacher sighed and looked around the class for somebody who did knew the answer. You raised your hand once again and the teacher let you answer.

“It means ‘be careful’.” You answered. “Very good Y/n, you have studied abroad right?” The teacher asked you in English. “Yes, I’ve studied and lived in multiple countries.” She replied in English as well. “Very well, where have you lived?” “I’ve lived in The Netherlands, France, Singapore and some other countries.” “Heckler.” One of the students said, Y/n quite down instantly. ‘Here we go again.’ she thought to herself.

The teacher eventually gave up on the vocabulary test and explained what the presentation was about.

“You can make it about anything, but everything has to be in English. You can make a movie, just a plain PowerPoint presentation, but everything has to be in English. You can tell me your topic when you have one, I’ll give you guys until the end of the week. Now, the partners. Jisung with Y/n-“ A loud ‘what’ was screamed through the class, everybody looked around to find out it was Jiyeon.

Jisung was smirking, happy that he now had an excuse to be around her. Y/n smiled at him, making him go almost lovesick. Jiyeon on the other hand was ready to throw some hands. She went to the teacher to ask if she could change partners with Y/n, since ‘Y/n didn’t know anybody, so it wouldn’t matter.’ She had told him, but he didn’t give in, which made her whine in annoyance.

When school was over Y/n was asking herself what she was going to do today. When she was about to walk off she was turned around with a tug by Jisung. “Hello there sweet cheeks, seems like we’re partners.” He smirked subtly.

“That’s right. Do you have time today? Maybe we can brainstorm for a topic?” She suggested, making him smile. “I’ll have to cancel the boys, but they’ll be fine with it.” Jisung says as he took out his phone. She was about to protest, but he was already done texting them before she even could.

“Your place or mine?” He asked as they started walking. “I think we can work at my place, my parents are at work.” She says, without thinking about how that would sound aloud. Jisung laughed, telling her that it might be too soon for that. “N-no, I didn’t mean it like that!” She panics. “I know sweet cheeks, I’m just teasing.” Jisung winked before you kept on walking.

For some reason was Y/n nervous to have a boy in her house. Jisung gasped when he walked into your place, shocked by how big it was. “What do your parents even do for a living?” He yelled as he got overwhelmed by the size of your living room. “Well, they are both CEO’s of an international company, that’s why we’re abroad so much.” Y/n explained casually as she poured some drinks for Jisung and herself.

“You can sit down Jisung-“ She started “Are you sure? It looks expensive.” He jokes. “Shut up and just sit.” She took her laptop and started typing away.

They sat in silent for a while as they tried to come up with an idea.

“You know, I don’t even know you that well. I don’t know what you’d like to make a presentation about, if I don’t know you. So, how about we get to know each other a little more.” Jisung suggested as he leaned back on the couch. “Sure. What do you want to know?” She asked before she took a sip of her Fanta. “Do you have a boyfriend?” Jisung asked, making her spit out her drink almost. “What does that have to do with our presentation?” “You might like romance things, like Romeo and Juliet or romantic music, like love songs. I don’t know.” Jisung tried to cover up.

‘Nice job Jisung.’

“I do like romance, but no. I do not have a boyfriend. But, what do you think about music?” Y/n suggests. “That sounds great. We can compose a song together.” He said without a thought. “Calm down pretty boy, I can’t write music. I do play instrument, but I can’t compose.” “But I can.” Jisung admitted shyly, making her look at him in shock. “Really?” She asked surprised. “Yeah.” “That’s so cool! Is that what you do with Minho, Woojin and the others?” “H-how do you know, did they tell you? We never tell anybody about this kind of stuff.” He stuttered. “No, I just figured. That’s so cool Jisung! Can I hear something you made?” She asked him excitedly.

Nobody had ever been so excited about his music before besides the guys, not even his own parents. And it shocked him. It felt nice thought, having somebody like that.

“I-I don’t have anything on me right now, m-maybe you can come along with me when we’ll compose something?” He stammered. “Really? That would be so cool! I would love that!” Y/n clapped her hands in excitement, making Jisung chuckle at her cuteness. “Cute.” He mumbled under his breath. “What?” “What?”

After an hour or two the two of them were done with homework and decided to get something to eat. “Can’t your chef make something for us?” Jisung had joked as he saw the size of her kitchen. Y/n laughed before she pushed him outside, because she was hungry.

They found a pizza place and decided to eat there. They ordered a big cheese pizza and shared it together. And for some reason, the two ended up making each other cringe with lame pickup lines.

“Hey, you’re pretty and I’m cute. Together we’d be pretty cute.” He says as he smirked at you. “I would take you to the movies but they don’t allow snacks.” You shot back. “Was your father a thief? Because someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.” He told her, making her giggle. “I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?” He started once again. “Jisung, first of all, I live in a house. And you know the directions to it.” “Guess it worked then.” He laughed making her shake her head in disbelief. ‘This boy I swear to God.’ She thought. “Sorry, but you owe me a drink. Why? Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.” You smiled sweetly as Jisung started laughing loudly, congratulating you as he gave up on the contest. “Thank you. Thank you!” She said dramatically as she bowed.

After sitting at the booth, just talking together and having a good time. You two were suddenly interrupted by an familiar voice. “Jisung?” It was Chan.

“Oh hey!” She greeted cheerfully, still high from hers and Jisung’s laughing fit. Chan didn’t return the smile and stared at her without an expression on his face. “Chan what are you doing here?” Jisung asks as he looked up to his older friend. “I think I could ask you the same thing. I thought you had a study session.” Chan barked. The tension that hung in the air was taking Jisung and Y/n by surprise. “We did, we just came down here to get some food.” Y/n said. Chan just hummed before he looked at Jisung. “Seems like you only studied one another’s face.” Chan mumbled. Jisung sighed and Y/n sat uncomfortably.

Jisung excused him and Chan before he dragged him outside of Y/n’s sight. “What’s going on with you?” Jisung hissed. “What’s going on with me? I could ask you the same question. I understand that you have to cancel plans for school, since education is important. But, I don’t liked being lied to. Especially, when it’s about a girl. What happened to ‘bros before hoes’?” Chan snapped back. “Look, first of all she’s not just some girl, okay? We were actually working on our English project together. But, her parents weren’t home and we were hungry. So, we came down here.” Jisung explained. “Alright, that might be. But, just make sure she’s not getting into your head too much. We got attacked today by some random guys.” Chan admitted.

Jisung’s eyes widened asking Chan what happened. “I don’t know what happened. Some guys attacked us out of the blue. Jeongin got hurt and Seungmin has some bruises on his head. And not to make you feel guilty or anything, we kind of needed you today. This could’ve ended up really bad if our neighbour didn’t come in between us.” Jisung sighed and decided to do what was smart: he went to see if his friends were okay.

He quickly walked back to Y/n who was patiently waiting for him to return. She flashed him a smile, which disappeared quickly when she saw the worried expression on Jisung’s face. “What’s wrong Ji-“ “I’m sorry. I need to go right now. The boys need me. I’ll pay you back for the food tomorrow at school.” He said quickly. “Y-yeah sure. You don’t have to though. I ate most of it. But, you go it seems like it’s serious.” Y/n said worried shooing Jisung off.

Jisung ran off with Chan to wherever they needed to be. Y/n sighed in slight disappointment before she paid the bill.

The walk back home was boring, she liked being around Jisung. He made things fun. It then suddenly started to rain softly and Y/n felt her mood switch a little. She tried to focus on the nice day she had with Jisung as she walked back home.

When she had arrived she noticed an unfamiliar backpack laying on her couch, it was Jisung’s. She thought about calling him, but she texted him instead. Saying that she’ll return it to him at school tomorrow. She gathered all his stuff and packed the bag. She also noticed a shirt that was folded neatly inside his bag. It was a band T-shirt but she had never heard of them. ‘3Racha?’ Y/n thought to herself. ‘Like the sauce?’ She laughed to herself before she put it back.

The next day was Y/n waiting for Jisung in front of the school. Yasmin had given her friend weird looks, since she held two bags. “Are you running away from home?” Yasmin joked. Y/n laughed, before telling her friend that it wasn’t hers.

When Jisung had arrived, late as usual, he was surprised to see Y/n waiting for him. He thought she looked cute. She wore a baby blue long sleeved shirt that was quite too big for her, stuffed into her black ripped jeans as she looked around to kill time it seemed. Jisung noticed his bag that was in his bag and remembered that his shirt was in it. He hoped she didn’t see it, she might be asking questions about it.

“Hello there sweet cheeks.” “Hey ‘Sungie! I have your bag.” She chirped as she handed the bag over. “Aren’t you late for your class?” Jisung asked. “I could ask you the same thing.” Y/n laughed. “Were you able to handle your business with Chan and the others?” Jisung jumped in surprise when she asked him. “Did you hear?” Jisung asked carefully. “No, but I saw that you were worried, so I assumed it was about your friends.” “It was actually. Somebody fought the boys and they got hurt, so I went to check up on them.”

“Oh my- are they alright?” Y/n asked, now she was also worried. “Yes, but Jeongin’s injuries are the worst out of all of them. He broke his left wrist and he has a lot of bruises on his head. They apparently knew he was the youngest and also quite vulnerable, so they attacked him first.” “That’s awful.” Y/n said, before they walked into their classroom. Apparently the teacher was late, so they were in luck, not having to go to detention.

The day went on quite smoothly, if you leave chemistry out of the story. Jisung thought it would be smart to turn the gas of the flame as high as possible, almost burning his eyebrows off as he hung above it. Y/n screeched loudly when it happened, clinging onto him as she was worried that he got hurt. Jisung on the other hand was laughing his ass off. Y/n would hit him whilst whining that it wasn’t funny. “You’re cute when you’re worried about me Sweet cheeks.” Jisung winked making her blush harshly.

Jisung was standing against the lockers as Y/n was gathering the books she needed. Jisung looked around and saw his friends walking past him, who didn’t even bother looking at him. Y/n noticed that it bothered Jisung. He hadn’t talked to his friends all day and when they had lunch he sat with her and Yasmin.

“Jisung, are you sure you’re alright? I noticed you’re acting a little different than usual.” Y/n wondered.

“They boys seemed quite mad. Especially Chan when he caught us at the restaurant. But, you shouldn’t worry about it sweetheart.” Jisung stood up and petted her head before he walked off to the toilet.

Y/n sat on her own as she waited for her friends to return. She was minding her business as she kept her attention on her phone, when suddenly a figure blocked the sun in front of her, making her look up. “Hello again outsider.” Jiyeon spat as she stood there with her friends in front of Y/n. “Can I help you Jiyeon?” “You actually can. I told you to stay away from Jisung you fucking witch.” “And as you can see, I don’t care about what you say. You can’t boss me around.” Y/n stood strong. She knew how girls like Jiyeon were like. They loved to look down to other people to make themselves feel better. They seemed to life off this kind of ‘power’ and Y/n couldn’t despise people like this more than anything.

“Listen up you brat. I don’t think you know how we work in this school. I don’t care how your other schools were like and what your status was. You don’t belong here. You’re just a nobody to us. You’ll never be on our level. Just let Jisung be. You’re not his type honey.” Jiyeon’s group of friends laughed behind her, but Y/n was not impressed. She just stared at Jiyeon with a smirk.

Words like this, coming from her wasn’t going to work on her. And Jisung noticed too. She turned crazy to be honest. Through the years she got used to them, she would consider herself immune. Jiyeon started pushing Y/n as she kept screaming filthy words in her face. The teachers seemed nowhere to be found and people were gathering around the scene, not even bothering on helping Y/n.

‘Five against one? Seems pretty unfair.’ Y/n thought to herself as she was pushed around.

“I honestly don’t know what makes you so stupid Y/n, but it sure it working.”

Before Y/n could say anything a thick substance was poured over he and thrown into her face. Y/n was now raging and attacked one of the girls by grabbing her by her hair. The girl screamed in pain and in disgust as the smoothie that was thrown on Y/n landed on her as well.

Meanwhile as Jisung walked out of the guys’ bathroom he heard people running around. He didn’t think much of it, as he was lost in a train of thoughts. ‘What if Y/n did see the shirt, would she have looked up the group? No, she wouldn’t, right? She’d look cute in it though- wait what.’ As he kept on walking his ears caught somebody saying that Y/n and Mina were fighting. Jisung ran along with the others. He saw the two girls fight and also a teacher who showed up to separate the two.

Jisung noticed that Y/n was covered in a pink substance and he walked up to her. The closer he got, the more visible Jiyeon’s smirk was. He knew she was the cause of this. The teacher was scolding the girls, but Jisung decided to take Y/n away from the scene before it would get any worse, not that that was possible though.

Jisung had dragged Y/n into the nurse’s office and helped her clean up. “Thanks ‘Sungie.” She whispered. As he dried her now-washed hair. “Your welcome. Wait here, I’ll get your something else to change into. Your shirt it all wet. I don’t want you to get sick.” He said in a serious manner before he ran off.

Before Y/n knew it, he had returned with a shirt. Y/n recognised it, it was the shirt that he left in his backpack. “Here, wear this.” He laid the folded shirt on her lap before he walked out once again so she could change this time.

Not much later she called him back inside and he had to contain himself from screaming. She looked absolutely adorably in his big shirt. It was a simple black shirt, long sleeved, and there was a logo on it that said ‘3Racha’. “Isn’t this yours ‘Sungie?” Y/n asked as Jisung was back in the room. “H-how do you know?” He stutters. “I saw it in your bag last night when you left your bag at my place.” “I didn’t know you saw it.” “Why? Is it special or something?” Y/n asks playfully. “Something like that.” Jisung admitted. “It’s a small group that I’m part of.” Jisung added shyly to Y/n’s surprise. “Really? I didn’t know you were a rapper!” “Nobody does, so please keep it down about it, alright?”

Y/n agreed without asking any further questions, except to herself. ‘If he’s a rapper. Why wouldn’t he want to be successful? What if he’s really good? I wonder what his voice would be like.’

When Y/n’s hair had dried up and she felt like walking back into school again, the day went on. Lots of boys asked her if she was alright and if she needed anything, she should call them. She didn’t of course. She was flattered and touched by their offer and took them politely, but she didn’t needed other boys’ help when she got Jisung right beside her.

Y/n felt fuzzy inside. The way he took care of her out of nowhere took her by surprise and it made her heart race. Never had anyone done something like that for her besides Yasmin. Y/n smiled as she walked next to Jisung, thankful that he sat down next to her that one day.

It was the second period break and Y/n sat alone at a table. She noticed Jisung’s friends, who still had been avoiding Jisung himself all day, they were staring at her. Or what their eyes made it belief, they stared at her chest. Y/n shifted uncomfortably as she continued to eat, until once again a figure stood in front of her.

Automatically assuming it was Jiyeon, Y/n was about to snap, but then she noticed that it was Woojin and Chan. “Sorry, I thought you were Jiyeon.” Y/n laughs slightly as she scratches the back of her head. “What about Jiyeon?” Woojin asks. “Just drama. Can I help you by the way? I saw you staring towards my direction-“ “Where did you get that shirt?” Chan asks bluntly. “I-I borrowed it from Jisung-“ “Where is he?” Chan cuts her off once again. “He has class right now, but he might be skipping- never mind he’s gone.” Y/n sighs as Chan had left in the middle of the conversation.

Woojin gave Y/n a small smile before sitting across from her. He looked around the canteen and noticed everybody looking her way. “They know.” Woojin states. “They know what?” “That you’re wearing Jisung’s shirt, I can see the jealousy on the girls’ faces.” Woojin laughs as he saw Jiyeon’s angry face.

Y/n was confused with Woojin’s statement until she took a look around herself, he was right. “This shirt, it’s your group right?” Y/n softly asks. Woojin looks at her in shock and as he opened his mouth, no words came out. “He told you?” He finally could make out. “Yeah, you guys have a music group right?” “Well, ‘3Racha’ is a group that Jisung, Chan and Changbin are part of. They are the rappers.” Woojin explains. “Did he tell you anything else perhaps?” Woojin wondered. “No, why?” “Nothing, just wondering.”

Meanwhile Woojin and Y/n were talking and having lunch, Chan was storming through the hallways to find Jisung. And just like Chan and Y/n had predicted, he was skipping class. Chan found the younger boy in the back of the library, taking a nap.

Chan roughly moves the arm of the younger boy, which his head was resting on, making his head fall onto the table. Jisung groans as he woke up. “What was that for- Chan?” “Why is she wearing our shirt?” “What-“ “Y/n, I just spoke to her and she’s wearing a ‘3Racha’ shirt.” Chan snapped at Jisung who was rubbing his eyes. “Oh, yeah. That’s my shirt.” “No shit Sherlock. But why is she wearing that. You know what name that name gave us.” Chan hisses. “You remember what happened that night. You were there. Years later we’ve been trying to clear our name. Do you know what this could do to us?” Chan ranted. “Alright, I get it. I’m sorry. Y/n got into a nasty fight and they poured their drinks on her and I gave her my shirt since she didn’t had anything else to wear with her.” Jisung explains. “Why couldn’t you get a clean shirt at the nurse’s office?”

“I-“

‘I thought she’d look better in my clothes.’

“I didn’t think about it.”

“I thought it was kind of sad you know, she looked quite helpless and everybody was surrounding her and not even helping her at all. So, I stepped in and dragged her out of there.” Jisung says as he received a glance that meant ‘disbelief’.

When they boys had walked back to the canteen, Y/n had already left to her class. Jisung decided to skip another period, since his friends were here. Chan eventually went to the toilet and Jisung was left behind with Woojin. Woojin analysed the younger boy’s actions. He noticed that Jisung was texting Y/n, what he could read were texts saying things like: ‘Are you okay?’ ‘Wanna meet up after school or something?’

Woojin smiled to himself and Jisung noticed. “It’s nothing.” Woojin tried to shrug it off when Jisung asked what’s wrong.

“’Sup guys!” A familiar voice yelled through the canteen. “Minho! What are you doing here?” “I was planning on setting Jisung and Jiyeon up.” Minho grins. “W-what?” Jisung chokes on his drink when he hears the sentence leaving Minho’s mouth. “Yeah, you told us you liked her, but it seems like you aren’t making any moves. So, I’m here to change that.” “What do you mean?” Jisung questioned. “Well, I spoke to Jiyeon and you two have a date. When? I don’t know. You can figure that one out yourself. You can thank me later. For now, I have to pee. I’ll be back.”

Woojin once again analysed Jisung’s actions and facial expressions and Woojin could conclude that Jisung didn’t wanted to go on a date with Jiyeon. That’s when Woojin figured it out. Jisung liked Y/n.

“You like Y/n, don’t you?” Woojin blurts out, making Jisung try to hush him in panic. “How do you know- I mean I don’t?” “Please, you gave her your shirt. I remember your last girlfriend. You wouldn’t even let he borrow her your scarf and she was freezing.” Woojin states. “It was mid spring time and she was sick. Besides, that was my favourite scarf I wasn’t searching for any germs at the time.” Jisung explained. “Your girlfriend before that one took one of your hoodies without asking and you flipped.” “That was my-“ “Let me guess, ‘favourite hoodie’? C’mon Jisung, I caught you, just admit it.” Woojin chuckles.

Jisung sighs as he let his head down in defeat, making Woojin laugh louder. “It’s too late though.” Jisung says softly. “What?” Jisung didn’t say anything but just nodded in Chan and Minho’s direction who were returning. “Why is it too late though?” Woojin asks quickly. Jisung showed Woojin a text, send around the time Y/n was still having lunch. It was from Jiyeon, claiming that were going on a date.

“Drama is about to start.” Jisung mumbles.

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jwnbwnjwn · 4 years ago

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Entry 1 (3.3.2020)

I guess this is the start of my blogging journey. I’ve been thinking of coming on here because not really anyone knows about my account, so this is kind of like my journal where I am able to write down my pure feelings and thoughts. This is the start. Its difficult for me to write about myself in the now because i usually refer to myself in the future tense, like, i would write as if im talking to myself in the future lol so hopefully im able to accomplish this. I’m not sure if these posts mark the date posted, but if not its 3/3/2020 11:11 PM and I currently have like a million assignments due but instead i decided to help my mental health a bit to do this lol. Im here, with my stripes cup of coke lime (It’s really good trust me) and your 50% bag of caramel m&ms that tasted like ass and a bag of hot puffs and a ringpop.

Where am I know in my life?

Well, it’s kind of hard to answer when I have an overloaded head full of thoughts of everything in the world. Physically, im in my dorm in my chair with my legs, vibing lol. I guess I might as well document on everything. I’m not so happy with my weight or body, in fact i don think ive ever been ashamed of it until recently. I hate seeing the extra fat, my weight over 120. Last time I checked I weighed 142.2 lbs and that was on 2/20. I hate being fat, i hate having fat. I wanna be skinny, i wanna have an ass, i wish my boobs werent so big that way they wont sag. Moving on, I have my group of friends: I, S, E, and myself. It was amazing and all, but E kind of distanced herself for some reason and although still part of the group, it kind of just narrowed down to S and I and myself. Eventually instead of using their names for privacy, ill fill in their names with something, most likely Egg for E, Seatbelt for S, and Ice for I LMAO. But anyways, Yeah, we recently came back from a roadtrip to SA and i feel like ever since then its kind of been alright. But i mean who knows, we all have our own lives and maybe somethings going on but i mean were fine as of now. I love them. I love hanging out with them, I love feeling like im able to breathe for once.

Now my relationship. It’s gotten so much better compared to what it was before. Counseling, patience, and time have all played a part into the process to getting us to where we are now. M, lets call him Mr. Compared to the mess and hatred it was before, its so much better. The love, the affection, the care, its all there. Everythings getting better. But theres still times where I feel scared, of us, the future, the past. Theres times where I feel like maybe i got too excited in my head and maybe I overlooked everything and maybe i’m just happy with the thought of whats happening. But, i mean, in the now, in the present, im happy, were happy, were okay. but im still scared because i guess a piece of me still thinks youre “you”. The you that hates me, the you that wants more, the you that hides stuff. A piece of me still thinks about possibility that you still might have photos of girls on your phone, or maybe its still an on going thing. Or maybe you ask girls yourself and delete everything, you wont leave a trace. Maybe youre talking to someone, and maybe youre deleteing messages. Maybe you have your groupchats with your guy friends where you do your stuff. i dont know. Because thats what you used to do. But how do I know its not happening anymore? You never gave me proof that you deleted everything, you never gave me the chance. I just took your word for it because thats what a “good girlfriend” does, a good girlfriend who is supposed to trust you; who is learning to trust you. But I mean, i dont know. I was played by you before, and I never had the chance to look at your phone. How is this any different? Because youre giving me your word? We’ve been there before and look how its turned out. I dont know. Im sorry. I hate being like this, I wish I was different, i wish i was normal. but i am. It was you who turned me like this, who made me overthink, who made me crazy. You were the one that ruined me inside out and left me with the remains to pick up and mend myself. I love you so much but you killed me. And i know i did the same to you, probably worse in some scale, and you did to me in another. But thats our past, and this is our now. I hope this is just a phase Ill get out of because Im tired of being scared. I want to live happily, not having to be worried about anything. Im scared of counsling ending, because what if it goes back to what it was, or what if it gets worse out of nowhere? Sorry, I know i should have more faith in us but im terrified of the thought of having us turn back into the mess we were. And i wish i could tell you this straight up, but im scared because a big piece of me just knows youll walk away because im bringing up the past again, or youll just nod and listen, but you wont have anything to say back to me. We’ll just both accept it and move on with our lives, and i’ll still have these thoughts in my head, building to boil. I love you. I dont think you’ll hurt me again. Im tired of my mind, im tired of myself making me think like this, making me think of you in that way. Im sorry. I just do. Im scared I wont be able to move on from the past, like maybe ill be stuck in it forever. I dont want that for my life, for myself, for us, for our future. i want the best for us, always. I love you so much. Sometimes I think i love you too much. and I hate thinking of it that way, but the way you treat me makes me feel like that. Im sorry. I hate putting blame on others, but i feel like you dont know me. I feel like im too much, like im too weird, too odd for you. Like my wants and needs arent like everyone elses, and maybe thats something you dont like. Thats what i feel. I feel like you dont appreciate me as much, or you dont respect me as much at all. I feel a little bit of respect, at times a good amount. But i know its hard, and i know we’re building up to it. Its okay. Were going to be okay. I just hope you love me as much as I love you, and I hope our willpower is equal. Dont worry. We’re okay. I’m okay.

Ended this at 3/3/2020 11:46 PM

-jen

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