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bisexualdinahlance · 1 year ago
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Anyone else find it wild the amount of projection some people put on characters. And I don't mean like personality traits I mean like interests. People HAVE to have their faves to have the same interests in movies and tv and music as them, to the point that then you have grown men sounding like they are teenage girls in a weird way and everyone has literally the exact same taste. And they also can't like something the fic author hates bc then it is an irredeemable flaw or st even if it is canon or it fits the characters personality better. Idk like maybe it's the types of fics I read but it's just super weird sometimes and really takes me out of the story. Especially when like... You didn't need to name drop anything in the first place? It often isn't relèvent at all
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kaybreezy3000 · 2 months ago
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The Boy A Five Hargreeves / Female Reader Insert
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Created for an Anon request (rated mature for explicit sexual content)
Warnings: 18-yr old Five, Lots of Smut, Five being soft and also not, CIA setting but with none of the other things happening from season 4
Anonymous asked:
will you do one or just some scenes with Five being soft with a girl he's falling for? Like first kiss stuff or other more intimate things between them? Or any stuff with him letting his guard down for someone for the first time- not with Lila please. Explicit or not explicit. Anything like this. Ty:���-⁠*
(For those of you who are awesome and have read all my stuff before this little smut filled story, you might notice some similarities in this one to some things my 16-year-old version of Five went through in 'Number Five and the Girl.' No worries this is much different, but I thought I'd mention it because so much of what I've written already could have filled this request, so I borrowed some ideas from hot little moments I'd sort of done before to add some fun to this Five's adventure.)
Note~This quarter end treat is broken into 5 parts of smutty progression-Your Welcome😂
The Boy
Part One: The Push
Like you had been for the last two months since Five had been assigned as your mentor and you started training with him, there you were, attached at the hip.
Walking down the hall towards your room at the CIA training facility, instead of him treating you to his endless cold glares and his usual lines of belittling bullshit, Five didn’t seem to mind as much that he’d been paired with you. Today, he seemed more than okay with it as indicated by the way he had been eyeing you up like he wanted to do much more than spar with you while the other recruits made jokes about you kicking his ass.
After asking him if he’d like to come back to your room so you could change into something warmer and then go get something to eat together somewhere better than the CIA building’s cafeteria, like he’d never done before, Five followed you, but then he was hesitating at the threshold of your room.
Playing the gentlemen and your superior, you could tell that he wasn't going to budge, so you reached out and pulled him in, shutting the door behind him. Five Hargreeves was not the type to be led by anyone, and before this he had been acting like he loathed you, so him giving in so easily was very surprising, but also very encouraging.
You felt the tension building between you all day. On the outside, Five seemed calm and in control like always, but his eyes gave him away. The way he looked at you told you a much different story when it came to him wanting to keep things strictly professional.
Feeling braver, you started thinking.
Earlier, Five and the other agents were talking about how most altercations aren’t the type where you get to stand and face each other, and even worse, during the fight, you usually both end up on the ground where things get dirty. They all said you needed to practice more realistic scenarios, but Five, as your assigned partner, didn’t seem too keen on putting his hands on you in any way that may have been considered too rough. He also didn’t want to let anyone else touch you.
Finally giving in, to your shock, as Five braced himself behind you, directing you to get out of his chokehold, his embrace was more like that of a lover than an attacker. His soft breaths tickled your ear from behind as they cascaded down your neck. When he ordered you to drop to your knees, your mind going all sorts of places other than where it should have been, you did as you were told, throwing all your weight back into him.
Falling back, your body landing on top of him, he started laughing at you, and his laughter was almost just as alarming as his dimpled smile that had been charming you anytime that he had been willing to grace you with it.
You had just crushed him, almost elbowing him in the dick, but the thing worrying you wasn’t his nuts. You were falling for him.
On your walk back to the dorms, giving Five a hard time, you said, “Why not start practicing more realistic takedowns? Why are you handling me with kid gloves?”
Five gave you one of his adorable side smirks as he leaned in, whispering in your ear, “I can be harder on you if you really want, but I’d prefer to do that without an audience of assholes.”
Hmmm? You were alone now?
Five was looking around, taking in the general chaos that was the room you’d been sharing with one of the other trainees. His eyes stopped on your bed.
“Sorry. It’s really messy in here,” you said.
Five looked back up. “No, it’s not bad. Don’t apologize. You should have seen the messes my siblings made of things in the house I grew up in. This is nothing.” 
“Didn’t you say you had five brothers and one sister? That’s a lot of male mess going on. Where was it you said you grew up again?”
Five didn’t answer. Instead, he sucked in his lower lip, wetting it as he looked around again. He glanced over at the few things you were allowed to keep with you while in training. He swallowed. He was staring at you so intently. He was so hard to read sometimes, and this was definitely one of those times.
He seemed nervous and now you were too.
He cleared his throat as his lips turned up again. “I like working with you," he said, casually tucking his hands in his pockets. "A lot actually."
Five had no idea how handsome he was with those animated expressions of his, or how cute he was, awkwardly flirting with you. Not wanting to break the magical moment, you decided to flirt back.
“So, you wanted to see how I handle a little groundwork, but in private?” you dangled while raising both your eyebrows.
He shrugged his shoulders, tilting his head to the side. “It’s not a bad idea if you want to be able to defend yourself.”
Again, there was an air of the usual superiority in his tone that was so irritatingly him.
You scrunched your nose. “I think I can defend myself decent already, Mr. Perfect. I’m warning you now, I know how to get down and dirty. You are the one that’s the closeted softy.” You came forward, backing him closer to your bed as you moved your hand down his arm, your fingers brushing the underside of his left wrist.
Five visibly tensed, as if you’d touched him in a painful way, but there was no sign outwardly why that was. As you were looking down at the flawless patch of skin that seemed to be bothering him, he suddenly came back to himself. “You're allowed to believe that Mr. Softy crap, but it doesn’t mean you’re right,” he taunted, smiling back at you innocently.
Without warning, you pulled him closer. With a quick spin, you twisted his arm behind him, throwing all your weight into it, pushing Five on your bed.
He landed on your blankets face down, and you quickly leaped on top of him, pinning his arms behind his back to restrict his movement before he could retaliate.
“Impressive,” he huffed, laughing as he lay there, pretending to be vanquished.
Your victory didn’t last long, despite your best efforts. Five effortlessly ripped his arms free of your hold. Then he sprang up from the bed, sweeping you up with him before nailing you down on the mattress.
In one swift motion, he had you pinned with your arms above your head. He lay over you, forcing your legs wide with his knees.
“You always need to be alert," he scolded. "Things can change in the blink of an eye. If you let your guard down, you may find yourself in a position you don't want to be in."
The way he was schooling you, you knew he was genuinely trying to teach you something, but you were also surer than ever that he was testing you in a way that had nothing to do with your training.
“Oh, I don’t know about not wanting to be in this situation..." You gave him a playful wink, one you knew would fluster him. "The view isn't too bad down here. For all you know, I may have wanted to be in this position. Maybe it was all part of my master plan. Did you ever think of that, smarty pants?” 
Five’s cool smile melted into something feral looking.
All at once he secured both your wrists in one of his hands. Then he painstakingly slowly ran the fingers of his other hand down the sensitive underside of your exposed left arm.
“Oh FFffff! Five! Ss-stop that's, please sto-” you laughed and gasped, wriggling like a manic as you tried to escape.
He didn’t relent. His eyes darkened as he looked down at you. You had nothing on, but your cropped workout top and equally tight spandex shorts and he was in his usual gym clothes of athletic shorts and a black t-shirt. You’d been training together like that for hours, but now your lack of normal skin covering clothing was making this feel much different than if you’d been sitting together, with him helping you study while he was dressed in his signature three-piece suit and you in your more female version of business attire.
You were in your bed of all places, and that look in his eyes, and the feeling of him pressing himself on you the way he was!
He looked so unbelievably hot and there you were laughing so hard you could hardly breathe. “Seriously, that tickles!”
“Awww,” he drawled, while looking fake sorry for you. “Ever hear that saying, you reap what you sow? I felt you trying to get a rise out of me with those evil girl talons of yours. You made me look like a fucking idiot today on the mats when you dug your fingers into my ribs, and you know damn well what you were doing had nothing to do with self-defense.”
Your frantic pleas to make him stop only seemed to spur him on more, because after that, his hand danced along the length of your exposed side, then down your quivering stomach.
“Five Hargreeves…I think they are right, you don’t fight fair,” you accused in between breathless panting.
“Doesn’t matter if you fight fair. It only matters if you win.” The sultry tenor of Five’s voice as he leaned down, humming against your skin, only furthered your inability to think.
To add to your shock, he began peppering kisses along your shoulder, then up your neck.
Five was not affectionate. He was dangerously smart, aloof, and even scary sometimes, but with that maneuver, he’d just proved that there was more to him than the closed off, emotionless person he projected himself to be.
His gentle fingers trailed across your abdomen, sending shivers through your entire body. Perhaps feeling you struggling to hold yourself together, or maybe just because he was an arrogant shit, Five suddenly had to bury his loud burst of laughter into your neck, and with it, he let his nose brush against your skin in such a loving way it made you squirm all over again.
“Doesn’t really seem to bother you…me not fighting fair and all,” he breathed. He smiled against your neck as he brought his lips back down to your shoulder.
You were sure he said something else after that, but for the life of you, you couldn’t concentrate enough to register what it was, not when his teeth were lightly nipping at the bottom of your ear and his fingers were moving back up, his thumb grazing over the mounded fabric of your top.
As he let out the quietest moan from the feel of your breasts under his hand, you couldn’t help it either when your body reactively rocked up against him.
As soon as you did that, Five abruptly pulled back from his onslaught of kisses, his hand lowering as he attempted to shift himself so he wasn’t lying on top of you as much. He looked down, his expression unreadable as he sucked in a breath, as if needing the extra air to voice what was on his mind, but instead of coming out with it, he grimaced and looked away, seeming to think better of it. 
Your faces were still so close, so you rose up on your shoulders as much as he’d let you, clearing the gap. You quietly said his name, wishing he would just look at you again. It sounded like a plea, and it was.
Five’s lips collided with yours. He released your hands, while at the same time pivoting his weight on both his forearms so he could control how much of his weight he was pressing into you.
His kiss was urgent, and wild, and beautifully sloppy. 
He was becoming more and more agitated the more he let himself explore your mouth with his trembling lips. His breathing was becoming heavier, and you could tell he wanted to move his hips into your pelvis more than he was already rocking and digging them.
It must have felt so good to him as is though, because he was getting hard, and the young man, who for the last few months was never the type to show any sign of vulnerability, actually whimpered, and holy fuck was that hot.
Shocked by his own verbal moment of weakness, Five pulled away again, but just as fast, you placed both your hands on the sides of his face and steered him back. Kissing him softly, you let your tongue run along his lower lip.
He shut his eyes. His expression looked so pained. “We shouldn’t be doing this,” he whispered. “If you knew all the horrible things I have done, you wouldn’t look up to me the way you do.” He opened his eyes. “On top of all that, I am way too old for you.”
Sure… Okay. All this had to be because Five was just worried that he was your mentor and that this kind of relationship wasn’t something your superiors would be okay with. That made sense but…
You smiled, then said, “Oh my God, Five! Who says I look up to you? And I am older than you, you self-absorbed jerk, who apparently never bothered to read my bio.” 
With that and his exceptionally sour expression that followed, you started laughing at him, and about the entire situation because you were older. Only by a year, but really…
What was he talking about?
Five opened his mouth a few times while trying to figure out a retort, so you came at him before he could, pulling his bottom lip with your teeth with kittenish feistiness, and that seemed to rattle him like nothing else had so far, and it sent him coming back at you like a man being torn apart from the inside out.
After that, Five started to let his tongue and teeth explore more freely and it was clear that was something he had wanted to do, only like all of this, he hadn’t been sure of it being okay until you’d made the first move.
He always smelled good. You knew that before, but wow. Five tasted like what you'd think comfort would taste like if it had a taste; like the warmth of good coffee mixed with an old-fashioned dinner mint. He was the embodiment of pleasure, and his lean body was built to move in more ways than you’d seen him work it while in the gym when beating the shit out of the other much larger agents.
Having your hands free to do as they wished, you dropped them both down under Five as he lifted up just a little.
You let the tips of your fingers drift down the length of his tight stomach muscles, moving them with a feather-light touch. You inched them along slower and slower after you passed over his navel, going up under his shirt, following the thin trail of dark hair that led from there, down into his shorts.
Five's hands clenched in the sheets at your sides. Every muscle in his abdomen shuddered under your touch, quivering in anticipation as you played with the dangling strings that were meant to keep his shorts around his waist.
He pulled away from your kiss to catch his breath, burrowing his face against the side of your neck. “Holy Shit…” he breathed, in between his wet kisses. His body dropped lower, his torso falling flush against the heat between your legs for just a moment before he quickly readjusted his hips on the mattress next to you.
Before he could fully right himself by pulling back up on his elbows and roll away from you completely, you brought your hand back up to his neck, your fingers lacing through his incredibly soft hair. "It felt good. Don’t stop," you whispered.
Looking utterly broken; he began kissing your neck, moving upwards again as he simultaneously started to move his shaft against the side of your leg.
Five nipped at your ear harder than he had been before and the sensation had you digging your nails across his back, and that seemed to excite him even more. In a frenzy, he started to run his tongue along, first the shell of your ear, then anywhere he could get at.
That boy was good, and not just with a gun while at the shooting range. The ache between your legs was becoming more intense with each shameless thing he did to you.
When Five satisfied himself with marking your neck, he moved to your collarbone. It felt like he was studying every inch of you with his mouth, gauging your reactions as he went. He first kissed, then licked, then sucked gently along the rolling plains of your rapidly rising and falling chest. It felt so amazing that you had to dig your feet into the bed to contain yourself.
"Fuck," he groaned as he threw his leg over yours and repositioned himself fully on top of you.
You whined as his hardened length nudged between your legs, then cruelly moved away. Thankfully, the sound of your discontent seemed to make Five bolder, and he did it again, then moved his mouth lower, applying kisses along the edges of your workout top, playfully pulling it up with his teeth.
Your toes curled as you squirmed under him.
You were both oblivious to the world going on around you when suddenly you pulled your attention away from him because you thought you heard something. Five must have heard it too because all at once he stopped what he was doing. His entire body froze.
“Ahem,” coughed a voice from over Five's shoulder.
You leaned up, peering over him. Even before seeing her, you knew who it was.
“Hey…” you weakly offered your roommate. 
She was already smiling like a total goofball, and her expression grew bigger and happier as she took in the extent of your blushing state and that of your equally turned-on partner in crime.  
She mouthed, “Is that who I think it is?”
The slow shake of your head confirmed her suspicions. She cleared her throat obnoxiously, then said, “It’s about time you guys got past all your staring at each other with those disgusting puppy dog eyes.”
With his face still buried against your neck, Five let out the tiniest sound, like that of the sad little puppy she’d just compared him to, then he growled, “You have no idea what you are talking about because I have never looked at anyone like that.”
“Er, whatever you say… So, ah…sorry guys. I will just, ah…go,” your friend said as she jerked her finger and thumb back towards the hall, but she was still dawdling, enjoying the site of Five, laying there still as could be, trying so hard to pretend he wasn’t just busted while trying to dry fuck you like you were both horny teenagers that were still in high school.
“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,” Five groaned, as he started moving off of you.
Your roommate was leaving at that point, but hearing Five's frustrated oration, she turned back around, shooting you a huge cat just ate the canary grin before quietly shutting the door behind her.
Next to you, Five tipped his head back as he stared up at the ceiling. It looked like he was praying it would fall on him.
He sighed exasperatedly. “Can’t I ever get a break?”
It was obvious Five was upset about getting walked in on because this could mean his job, but you also knew that he had to be upset because he’d just totally been cock-blocked, and if he hadn't been, you weren’t sure what would have happened or how far things would have gone. 
Thinking of the impressively engorged package he was dealing with in his gym shorts, you rolled over, facing him, your lower lip pouty. “Ah, yeah… So....that sucked,” you said, stating the obvious as you tried to suppress your giggle.
Five just stared at you and groaned again. By the look on his face, you were pretty sure he was ready to die, and you weren’t about to let that happen, so you were about to suggest a different kind of sucking, but first you thought you should address his other big concern.
“Hey, don’t worry," you said, laying your hand on his tensed forearm. "I swear she won’t say anything. She already knew I had a huge crush on you. Lots of girls here would die to be in my shoes because that would mean they would get to enjoy your scowls and contemptuous comments like I do.” You tried a reassuring smile, getting serious. “Really, she’s trustworthy.”
What you said seemed to help. At least it brought a smile back to Five’s tightly pursed lips.
“You are full of shit,” he shot back, not believing you, but about which part, you weren’t sure. “But I suppose it doesn’t matter,” he continued before you could insist that you weren’t lying about any of it. “If she says anything, I am done, but at least I got to hump you for three minutes, so that was totally worth throwing away five years of my hard work to get myself in this pathetically lame position that I’ve waited a lifetime to totally fuck up.”
He threw a hand over his face, then back into his chocolatey mess of hair.
Somehow, Five managed to sound both irritated, but also so funny, which was just one of the many things that made you like him so much. The light in his eyes was coming back and he hadn’t tried to touch you again. It was obvious your little moment with him was over, and he was doing his best to calm himself down, but something else seemed off.
You frowned, but you weren’t mad at all because you mostly understood why he’d said all that. You’d feel awful if he was let go because of you. Everyone knew that Five was amazing at his job. He was a bona fide genius the CIA had found at a very young age while he was crushing his studies to get through his PhD. His being a fully contracted agent in the CIA at so young was unheard of.
Compared to him, you were only there as an intern and had years ahead of you to actually get hired and prove yourself the way he already had.
Once you managed to control your brain again, you finally responded, and stopped staring at him like you wanted to be devoured by his perfect mouth.
You took your hand off his arm, then quietly said, “I suppose you’d rather not get lunch with me now?”
His eyes narrowed and he cocked his head in that way of his. “I suppose, it would be better if we didn’t,” he said with eyebrows furrowed slightly, indicating he was upset about something, but if it was about getting busted and potentially losing his job or something more, you couldn’t tell.
“That’s it then…? That is unless you want to stay," you offered, then purposely glanced at your bedding still bunched to his crotch. "You could show me a few more moves?” 
After a few seconds, Five cleared his throat and grinned, making your heart skip a beat. “We better not do that,” he said, then he looked away. “You go first. I just need a minute. I’ll lock your door on the way out.”
“Okay,” you replied, your heart sinking through the floorboards.
"Okay," he agreed.
He lay there on his side, head propped up on his arm, you threw on a baggy sweatshirt and some jogging pants. After covering yourself, you turned. “See you later?”
“Sure,” he said, still staring off as if you weren’t even there.
Chapter Two: 
Five Said No, But Morning Glory Says Yes
Right on que, Five woke up with his dick harder than an oak.
He was lying there on the couch in his office, having fallen asleep while working late. Back when he’d started at the CIA, not even done with college yet, he often did this, but that usually involved drinking too much then passing out.
That kind of behavior was nothing new for him, but he hadn’t done that in a while. Relieved that he didn’t have the brain throbbing start of a hangover nagging at him, he kept his eyes closed tight, like he could get his dick to go back to sleep if he willed it.
He tried to ignore it, he really did, but thanks to his physical age and the power of young guy hormones raging, his increasingly bothersome boner alarm proved impossible to turn off.
Taking a long, tired breath, then letting it out slowly, Five started mentally preparing himself for another wake and whack session to add to his already impressive record.
He couldn’t remember what he’d been dreaming about, only that you were together, and you were touching him down there or maybe he was touching you down there. Whatever it had been about, it didn’t matter, because once again, Five had woken up before he’d got off, and was ready to send forth his load into an innocent piece of clothing, only he wasn’t at home, so he’d have to find something else nearby to catch his mess instead. Anything would do, even destroying the shitty plastic tree someone had put on the floor next to his couch.
“Fuck that Ficus,” he breathed. 
His hand flexed, ready to spring into action and get this over with, and in doing so, it rubbed along skin that was not his own. To his shock, his arm was laying over something warm and alive, and that had him immediately realizing the pressure pressed up against his hard-on was not from the couch cushion or one of the pillows.
Five never would have admitted it unless he happened to be using it for his job as a cover story while trying to fit in with other lunatics, but like so often, he was having trouble differentiating between reality and fantasy.
Seeing as how he’d woken up on more than a couple of occasions unsure if his dreams or nightmares were real or not, he couldn’t blame himself for being confused, not entirely, not when the main player in his fantasies other than Dolores was right there squeezed in next to him.
His eyes abruptly focused, taking in his surroundings, confirming what he already should have known. You had both fallen asleep while he was helping you study for your next round of exams, and there you were with him, lying on the couch in the darkness of his quiet office.
He had no idea how he ended up cuddled next to you the way he was, and even though Five had thought about it about a hundred million times since the incident in your room, things hadn’t started back up the way they had that day. He believed it was for the best, and he’d said as much, and you’d respected it, but that didn’t mean it had been easy for him.
Just being around you, doing nothing even remotely flirtatious or sexual in nature was making the tornado of butterflies in his stomach worse each day that he fought to stomp them into submission. There was no denying that, or the perpetual case of blue balls he had from watching you sashay around him in your short skirts and blouses with the top few buttons undone as if daring him to dive into your cleavage again.
He had already touched those perky pleasure pillows, and he liked doing it way too much. Five liked everything about you. The way you challenged him even when he was being an insufferable jerk. The way you laughed.
Even more than all of that. Five loved the way you smiled at him like you didn’t smile for anyone else.
Being around you made him forget all the bad things that had happened, if even for just a while.
It didn’t matter. What he’d done was a mistake. Nobody could ever really care about him if they knew the truth, and you sure as hell wouldn’t believe him. You’d think he was crazy. He’d be fired and maybe even forced into psychiatric care.
It was better this way, but so much for his plan to shut this down, and so much for being good and keeping his hands off when you considered the situation he was in now. In hindsight, looking at the out-of-control horn-ball he had become in the last few weeks, Five knew that he should have scheduled a well-defined whack-off time as a part of his daily routine, then maybe this shit wouldn’t happen when he wasn’t expecting it.
When did I become such a perverted degenerate? he silently asked himself.
He remembered you reading, leaning back after a while, kicking your heels off. Sitting a few feet away, looking over a briefing Derek had given him earlier that day, Five waited for you to finish your review so he could quiz you again. He felt himself starting to doze off.
He remembered how comfortable he was with you there.
He just wanted to stay like that with you a little longer, with the smell of you filling his lungs, with you touching his things.
He vaguely recalled trying to keep his eyes open and noticing that you looked very tired too.
Now there he was with his hand in an area on you that normally he wouldn’t have dared let it venture. It was starting to come back to him each minute he was conscious, and he was almost certain that when he started to wake up, he was grinding his morning monster on your butt, and his hand was touching you between your legs in a very inappropriate way.
It wasn’t just a dream; he had been really doing that, maybe?
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Way to go, fucking creep, he mentally yelled.
He had no right to, but Five had you spooned to him like you were his, and if you were awake, you were definitely able to feel his predicament, and also what he had been doing to you.
He shifted his weight, moving just a little, trying to give you some space and maybe if it was not too late, also try to save some face.
Just as he began to pull his arm off, you started stretching your legs, your feet twisting around his.
“Is it morning already?” you complained.
The smell of your hair filled Five’s lungs again and the pressure from you pushing back against him had his eyes popping wide.
If he had his powers still, he would have blinked away the second he’d realized where he was. That wasn’t an option anymore, but the instinct to do it was still eating at him like a spark that kept trying to burst into a flame but couldn’t.
Five was panicking; he didn’t know what to do.
You shifted again, trying to move back, but he found he had nowhere to go. He was trapped between you and the back of the couch.
“I… Ah… It’s not morning yet. I’m sorry I woke you. I must have fallen asleep," Five stammered as he tried to sit up, using the arm under his small couch pillow to push himself up. "I’m going to just-"
You captured his hand as it started slipping over your hip. You pulled him back down and he found himself falling around you again, entrapped in the exact same position.
“You’re so warm, and your office is so cold. Please don’t go yet. I like you as my blanket,” you whined while pushing back, your firm curves warm against his even warmer erection.
Five went ram rod still at the same time you did.
“I am so sorry,” he quickly tried to say, but stopped at that because he found he had no words that would explain what he’d done. Instead, he forced out the pillow from under his head and then buried his face in it, hiding from his shame like a total jackass.
The clock on his wall ticked for what felt like an eternity, neither of you saying a word. You were clearly upset, weirded out, or God help him…Five didn’t know anymore.
Finally breaking the silence, you said, “Five, stop that. You don’t need to be sorry.”
Even though he was still under his shield, Five could tell by your tone that you were trying to console him. Of course, you were the one taking the highroad. Here he was the one almost 42 years older than you and you were the one being mature.
He took a deep breath, trying to clear his head, knowing he had to say something, but still not sure what would make the situation better.
“And to think," he started, "I was worried about what my boss would think if someone here found out about us and talked. It turns out I was worried about the wrong thing. This is so much more awkward than that." He groaned into his shame pillow.
Five felt you move, your hands landing on the throw pillow, forcing him to let go. When he finally had the courage to open his eyes, he was met with yours, and even though it was dark, he could tell you weren’t mad. You had turned your body towards him, your fingers already playing with the ends of hair at the nape of his neck.
Five felt like he was going to die, sure that he would if you didn’t stop touching him like that.
He was thinking about using his arm to cover his face instead of expiring. It was his only option since you’d thrown his pillow out of reach, but then he realized he may have needed more than just his arm to cover him because he could feel everything from his forehead to his chin burning bright red with humiliation. 
You grinned in that way he knew meant you were trying to hold back a laugh. “You know, Five... Nobody is talking doom and gloom about this other than you, and why do you think this is awkward?”
“Oh, I don’t know… because of Morning Glory here,” he joked, gesturing down to where the small throw blanket you had pulled with you had thankfully covered the area below his waist, but it didn’t really matter because he knew, and you knew, that he was still sporting a nice sized tent for the second time you’d been alone with him in a week.
You took claim of his hand, pressing a kiss to his knuckles, keeping your smile on for him. “Yeah…I don’t really think you can blame that all on it being morning. Unless that clock is wrong. It's not even midnight.”
You moved closer, and all at once, Five felt you press against the villain in his pants, and he let out a little puff of airy agitation in response.
“And this isn’t awkward. It’s flattering," you furthered, your sexy smile melting into something a bit silly as you added, “A healthy sexual appetite is nothing to be embarrassed about."
Your intentionally nerdy, sex ed teacher tone had somehow managed to sound even sexier than when you normally teased him, and holy fuck did Five love getting lectured by you like that.
The dirty old man in him that was thinking about spanking you for trying to steal his role as the teacher didn’t know what to say. You were obviously trying to make him feel better for his little predicament, but he still felt like a creep. Getting morning wood while sleeping next to an extremely hot girl that was way out of your league was one thing, but touching her in her sleep, like that… 
What the hell was wrong with me? That was not normal! Five privately scolded himself.
“I need to-" He didn’t finish, instead, Five swiftly pushed himself up, and as discreetly as possible made sure ‘woody’ was tucked down against his leg.
He started getting up, and you moved out of his way. He swung his legs to the floor and was about to stand, but he didn’t get any further than that because you quickly turned and swung a leg over his lap, your knees landing on either side of his torso, in effect, preventing his escape as your skirt flared out, covering his lap.
“Hey, not so fast. I am not mad at you, Five. I fell asleep too, so it’s not your fault. Maybe it happened again for a reason. I knew you were dreaming a few minutes ago, so don’t be freaked out about this or what happened the other day. It’s ok, I promise.”
Your fingers moved along his scalp, playing with his hair again. The look on your face was so sincere, but then it quickly changed to something more pensive and playful as you slowly licked your lip then continued. “And just so you know, even if you weren’t dreaming, I would have been ok with what you were doing. You can touch me however and whenever you want. I thought I made that known the other day. You were the one that said no more, not me.”
The more perplexed Five looked, the more devilish you looked. Your fingers dug in as they fell to his shoulders, pulling his dress shirt even tighter in your grip.
You leaned in and whispered in his ear. “I am so wet for you right now. I am more than ok with how that clever mind of yours works, but the question is, are you, and do you want me to stop trying to convince you how much I want you?”
The things you were saying and your soft breaths on his skin were making Five’s hands shake.
“Don’t stop,” he breathed, just as your lips brushed against his cheek and you began kissing him.
Both of Five’s hands latched on to your hips so fast it was like he wasn’t in command of his own body anymore. He felt like he needed something to hold on to, to ground himself, and his hole punch filled morals weren’t working.
It was so much all at once, with real lips on his, and you on his lap and the warmth of your sex so close to his painfully hard cock. Instead of thinking about how 'wet' you said you were, Five tried to distract himself by focusing on your mouth as it moved against his. You obediently opened for him as he urgently searched your lips with the tip of his tongue, pushing for entry. The second you gave, Five darted it inside, feeling the sweet, candy-like warmth that he was coming to know was simply the taste of you.
Beside himself already, Five moaned into your mouth.
Your tongue met his more excitedly after that, and you both pushed each other for more, hardly coming up for air.
You felt so good. What you were doing to him felt so good; it was like he was in another world, with nothing but the two of you.
It was like it was with Dolores, only not at all. That was survival. She was hard and cold. You were soft and warm. She was him, and you were…fuck.
Dolores knew him. You didn’t.
Like before, Five knew this was wrong, but his hands slipped behind you anyway, pulling you closer as his hips rocked underneath you.
In moments of desperation, Five had held Dolores in his lap like this, and done the same thing, only this was so much different. He could have lost himself completely in the feeling of you and been a very happy man, but his brain kept trying to reboot and intrude.
Even as his cock was getting a nice little ride, his brain was yelling at him to stop. 'Here you go again! This is so fucked-up, and this is obviously not going to help with your not so little problem, and what the hell are you doing? You’re going to ruin this for both of you!'
He pulled away, his breath coming way too fast.
“We shouldn’t do this… I…I can’t-” he whispered, but he couldn’t help it as he let his lips mark a path along your jaw, trying to repress his agonized growl with his kisses.
You weren’t buying it, and he wasn't doing a good job selling it. Seeing where your hips were, it was obvious he was more than capable of doing this.
You softly laughed, your breath brushing his skin as your hands explored, first unbuttoning his fitted vest, then untucking his shirt, making his entire body quake with the simplest of touch as your fingers crawled up, exposing him, one small button at a time. 
Not used to being touched like that, Five pulled back, dropping his head as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to regain some composure. You weren’t having that either. You continued to caress his heated skin with your fingers moving dangerously close to his waistband.
Unlike him, your intentions were very clear as usual, but your voice came out raspy and sweet and questioning anyway, in total contrast to how you were so self-confidently seducing him. “Five?”
He hesitantly opened his eyes and looked up at you. Your cheeks were flushed, and your lips swollen from his kisses, your eyes full of worry.
“Why are you scared?” A crease appeared between your brows. “What you were doing was perfect and I want you to touch me like that. I wanted you to touch me all night,” you said, practically moaning your words.
Five was so fucking hard; it was almost more than he could take. All rational thought was gone.
When he came back up to meet you again, claiming your lips, you were ready and willing, tugging him closer with his loosened tie. Not satisfied with his state of undress, or with how you were so successfully dominating him, you quickly undid the knot and whipped the length of silk through his collar, throwing it over his head. You traced your nails down his torso with one hand and laced your fingers through his hair with the other.
Five met your advances, letting his hands float under your blouse, exploring the softness of your skin. When his fingers grazed just below your breasts, he stopped.
“Is this ok?” he asked with his mouth still brushing against your lips.
“Yes. God yes,” you whispered as you dropped your head back, moving yourself against him as he risked letting a finger glide over the lacey fabric of your bra. After a few more tentative touches, you made a soft whining sound. Five looked up, and the look you were giving him was so needy that it could have only matched his own. “They way you touch me…it’s like nobody else has ever touched me. Everything is different with you, Five. I don’t know why but it is,” you breathed.
Relinquishing his hold on your curvy hips, Five slid his hand up your back, proudly only fumbling a few seconds to get the clasp on your bra unhooked.
You let the fabric pull away from you so his fingers could slide under and caress your breasts.
Five leaned in, placing his other hand back on your ass as he buried his face against your neck. He wasn’t brave enough to take off your shirt the way you’d done to him, but this was plenty awe-inspiring anyway.  He relished your body’s reactions to him and the smell of your skin as he lay gentle kisses below your ear. 
Talking to himself in the way he’d spent a lifetime doing and couldn’t seem to break away from, Five asked, Why on earth have I been tormenting myself about this?
He had no answer to that, and Dolores, being not at all on his mind, didn’t chime in and give him any help like she normally did in his times of distress.
Five trailed kisses along your jaw and over your quietly gasping lips as you rocked your body against his cock. He continued to massage your breasts, stopping to feel your nipples as they grew harder, all seemingly because of his tender touch.
You moaned sweetly, letting him know you liked how it felt as he rolled the taut nubs between his fingers. Musing again, Five smiled while thinking that the only thing that would be better would be having his way with your tits.
Instead of doing that, he kissed your lips again. The hand Five had on the curve of your waist instinctively pulled you right up against him as his hips jut into yours. The sensation sent him careening, and he had to squeeze his eyes closed and think about something else or Chernobyl number two was going to happen in his pants.
The friction he had thought would help ease things, unfortunately only made it worse. His dick was so hard, it was throbbing in complaint as it lay trapped under his remaining layers of clothes. He could hardly breathe, and even more embarrassing, Five had just let out an animalistically guttural sound that had filled the entire office.
He would have been mortified that he’d done that, but when he opened his eyes, all he saw was your hooded eyes gazing back with no hint of judgment.
He didn’t even realize you had moved your hand from his chest until you were touching him, your palm cupping him tightly through his pants. Five swallowed hard, trying with everything he had not to move as you rubbed along his thigh where his dick had been trapped.
“Fuck-” he croaked out, then bit the inside of his cheek in an effort to be quieter in case there happened to be anyone else in the office working late.
“Do you want me to stop?” you asked.
“Please no,” he begged with his lips grazing your cheek.
You increased the pressure, and Five tried to pump himself up into your hand in response.
“Good, because I don’t want to," you said, then you leaned in, purring more assurances as you kissed along his throat and pulled at the top of his waistband with your other hand, loosening the inner clasp so you could zip his fly down and let your hand slide in.
As you very carefully pulled him free, positioning his erection up between you, Five cried out at the feel of you manhandling him. He had touched himself like that so many times, but with you doing it, it felt millions of times more extreme. His hand that had been toying with your breasts lost all function, other than to fall to his side, fisting the bottom of your skirt.
Your skin against his hard flesh had him seeing stars as you explored, running your palm down and up his entire length.
After getting more acquainted with what you were working with, you ran a finger over the tip of Five’s cock, doing that move to his glans, over and over. That of course made it harder for Five to think and breathe. You spread the wetness that had gathered there, smearing it under your tightened fingers, and by the time your hand wrapped around him even firmer, and you started to really move, the muscles in Five’s legs were quivering and flexing uncontrollably.
As you started jerking him off, feeling like he was having an outer body experience, Five dropped his head back, pinching his eyes closed.
He wasn’t thinking at all anymore. If you'd asked him his name, he wouldn't have been able to tell you.
“Harder-" he begged through clenched teeth.
Your hand obediently tightened.
There was nothing but the sound of wet skin, and sex, and the feeling that he wasn’t in control of any of it for the first time-ever.
Fuck. He was going to come already.
“Plea-” he desperately breathed, gazing up at your determined eyes. You sped up without him having to find the coherent words to ask for it, and he couldn’t help himself as he bucked, moving you with him as his hips repeatedly met your hand. “I am gonna cum-" he warned, but you didn’t stop.
His breath hitched, and his eyes closed again as his forehead fell against your chest.
Falling apart like he’d never done for anyone, Five began to spill.
“Fuuuuuuuuck!” he moaned, the ‘F’s’ repeating as spurts of his seed rocked his body.
Your hand slowed in pace with his erratic thrusts, but your fingers stayed around him as he rode out the final spasms of his release.
Five dropped his head back on the couch, totally drained.
You let go and slid your hand back up, letting the waistband of his briefs snap back in place when once you had him properly tucked in.
Now that it was done, Five wanted to fold in on himself and hide, to run, to…
He didn’t even know what he wanted to do. He could feel all his normal anxieties seeping back in way too quickly even though that had been unbelievable, and you were unbelievable and fuck...
When Five risked opening his eyes, he realized you had grabbed some tissues from the box on the side table and managed to catch his mess, so at least he didn’t make a total fool of himself in that way, or defile CIA property by splatter painting their stupid decorative plant. That would have been just great, blasting jizz all over that, or over himself and you in the wake of his inability to show even the slightest bit of restraint.
Someone was thinking; and it sure as hell wasn’t him.
“I am sorry,” he said, looking up at you regretfully.
You had been beaming at him happily, and to that, your face scrunched in confusion. “Why are you sorry now?”
How does one say sorry for that… Five wondered, then came up with an answer.
‘Ah…because I just blew my wad in your hand, and because I did it so fast, and because I didn’t do anything for you...and I shouldn’t be doing any of this anyway because of more reasons than I can count, and I can count really fucking high!'
Five couldn't bring myself to say all that. It wasn’t that he knew how to do the same thing for you exactly, but still, he knew he was supposed to reciprocate, and he’d watched plenty of porn over the years, so he could have at least tried.
Holy hell, he felt stupid.
“Oh no... There you go again. Five. When you get that look, I know it’s not good. For a guy that normally seems like you have the world by the balls, you worry way too much,” you said.
The urge to do something was there, but then you started to run your fingers through his hair again and Five couldn’t help the extremely relaxed feeling it was giving him, especially after what had just happened. He wanted to give himself over to it, and just like that, he did. He simply let go, letting himself feel every soft touch of your hand.
It felt like love, or what he imagined real love felt like.
He would have been completely at peace with the world at that point, but Five still couldn’t completely shake the idea that he’d messed up and that he never should have started fucking with you like this to begin with.
He dreamily gazed up at you, still not sure what to say. “That was... Fuck," he idiodically huffed, then tried again. "That felt so good. I’m sorry I didn’t-"
You cut him off with your pointer finger to his lips.
“Stop, Five. Just hush it with the apologies. If you’re worried about me, don’t be.” Your frown melted into a curious looking little smirk. “You looked like you couldn’t take much more, and watching you, like that... Let’s just say that was very satisfying and I am very glad you liked it. I may not have reached the same level of pleasure as you, but I enjoyed myself plenty." You tipped your head to the side, as if considering something.
“You’re not pissed about any of this?” he asked.
“No, absolutely not.” You gave him a sexy grin. “If you’re really worried about it, why don’t we make a deal? Next time we play around, you can call all the shots, and I’ll keep my hands to myself. I’m sure you’ll think of a way to repay me with that vivid imagination of yours.”
Biting your lip, you waited for him to respond.
Five was almost certain that you'd just given him an open invitation to touch you like he had been doing when he woke up and thinking about doing that had his now semi hard dick twinging with renewed excitement.
If he didn’t stop imagining that, then he would be fighting another massive boner, and the whole thing would start all over again. Hating himself for not being stronger than this, the voice in his head sang, Earth to Five… Do you even have a brain anymore or do you only think with your dick?
“Ok,” he agreed, breaking the silence with nothing more than a one-word answer.
He really, really did want to redeem himself, but he also needed to settle down because he could hear the wheels of Frank the janitor’s cleaning cart coming down the hall outside his door.
Knock, knock, knock…
“Shit,” Five cursed, shifting you off of him as he quickly started righting himself, zipping his fly, then quickly trying to button at least most of his shirt.
Frank tapped again as he was scrambling to pick up all the cummed on wads of tissue laying around on the floor. “You okay in there?” the older man called. “I came past earlier but…but I thought it might be better if I came back.”
“Just a minute,” Five called out, his eyes darting around the dimly lit office, seeing his tie laying over by his desk and your dress shoes laying at the other end of the couch. Your hair looked like you’d been rolling around in the hay with him, minus the hay. Realizing that his hair probably looked worse, Five also remembered struggling to keep quiet, but failing horribly. “Fuck,” he cursed, turning around, his vest flying open as he frantically tore his hands back through his messed-up man mane, only making his less than tidy cut look even worse.
As you calmly picked up your stack of books and the case files Five had kindly let you use for your essays, frowning, he looked back at you from his reflection in the small mirror hanging by the door. The way he looked only made your hardly stifled giggles even louder.
Nice going boner boy. Very smooth and so fucking tactful! he thought, while rolling his eyes at himself.
Coming up behind him, you leaned in and kissed his cheek, quieting his troubled thoughts as if you held some kind of otherworldly magic over him.
Five shut his eyes, again letting you make all the moves. He cleared his throat, then he opened the door, doing his best to offer Franke a curt-looking smile and wave him inside, so he could do his thing.
“Evening, Frank.”
The white-haired janitor looked from Five to you, his mustache quirking just a little.
Hand pushing deep in his front pockets, Five moved aside, coming out into the hall, letting the older looking man and you move past. “Before tomorrow, make sure you read over the notes I gave you on the importance of situational awareness, or there’s no way you’re going to pass,” Five called after you, trying to sound as pompously dick-ish as he normally would.
Turning back, you flipped him the bird.
Five smiled.
Watching you disappear down the hall, he promised himself this was the last time he was going to let you get the upper hand.
If he was doing this, which he evidently was, then he was going to start showing you exactly who he was. Then, maybe you’d get that he wasn’t who he appeared to be, and you’d do what he wasn’t strong enough to do, which was walk away and end this.
Part Two:  Five Said No, But Morning Glory Says Yes
Right on que, Five woke up with his dick harder than an oak.
He was lying there on the couch in his office, having fallen asleep while working late. Back when he’d started at the CIA, not even done with college yet, he often did this, but that usually involved drinking too much then passing out.
That kind of behavior was nothing new for him, but he hadn’t done that in a while. Relieved that he didn’t have the brain throbbing start of a hangover nagging at him, he kept his eyes closed tight, like he could get his dick to go back to sleep if he willed it.
He tried to ignore it, he really did, but thanks to his physical age and the power of youthful hormones raging, his increasingly bothersome boner alarm proved impossible to turn off.
Taking a long, tired breath, then letting it out slowly, Five started mentally preparing himself for another wake and whack session to add to his already impressive record.
He couldn’t remember what he’d been dreaming about, only that you were together, and you were touching him down there or maybe he was touching you down there. Whatever it had been about, it didn’t matter, because once again, Five had woken up before he’d got off, and was ready to send forth his load into an innocent and unsuspecting piece of clothing, only he wasn’t at home, so he’d have to find something else nearby to catch his mess instead. Anything would do, even destroying the shitty plastic tree someone had put on the floor next to his couch.
“Fuck that Ficus,” he breathed. 
His hand flexed, ready to spring into action and get this over with, and in doing so, it rubbed along skin that was not his own. To his shock, his arm was laying over something warm and alive, and that had him immediately realizing the pressure pressed up against his hard-on was not from the couch cushion or one of the pillows.
Five never would have admitted it unless he happened to be using it for his job as a cover story while trying to fit in with other lunatics, but like so often, he was having trouble differentiating between reality and fantasy.
Seeing as how he’d woken up on more than a couple of occasions unsure if his dreams or nightmares were real or not, he couldn’t blame himself for being confused, not entirely, not when the main player in his fantasies was right there squeezed in next to him.
His eyes abruptly focused, taking in his surroundings, confirming what he already should have known. You had both fallen asleep while he was helping you study for your next round of exams, and there you were with him, lying on the couch in the darkness of his quiet office.
He had no idea how he ended up cuddled next to you the way he was, and even though Five had thought about it about a hundred million times since the incident in your room, things hadn’t started back up the way they had that day, and he believed it was for the best, and he’d said as much and you’d respected it, but that didn’t mean it had been easy for him.
Just being around you, doing nothing even remotely flirtatious or sexual in nature was making the tornado of butterflies in his stomach worse each day that he fought to stomp them into submission. There was no denying that, or the perpetual case of blue balls he had from watching you sashay around him in your short skirts and blouses with the top few buttons undone as if daring him to dive into your cleavage again.
He had already touched those perky pillows and he liked doing it way too much. Five liked everything about you. The way you challenged him even when he was being an insufferable jerk. The way you laughed.
Even more than all of that. Five loved the way you smiled at him like you didn’t smile for anyone else.
Being around you made him forget all the bad things, if even for just a while.
It didn’t matter. What he’d done was a mistake. Nobody could ever really care about him if they knew the truth, and you sure as hell wouldn’t believe him. You’d think he was crazy. He’d be fired and maybe even forced into psychiatric care.
It was better this way, but so much for his plan to shut this down, and so much for being good and keeping his hands off when you considered the situation he was in now. In hindsight, looking at the out-of-control horn-ball he had become in the last few weeks, Five knew that he should have scheduled a well-defined whack-off time as a part of his daily routine, then maybe this shit wouldn’t happen when he wasn’t expecting it.
That thought got him asking himself the question, When did I become such a perverted degenerate?
He remembered you reading, leaning back after a while, kicking your heels off. Sitting a few feet away, reading over a briefing Derek had given him earlier that day, Five waited for you to finish your review so he could quiz you again. He felt himself starting to doze off. He remembered how comfortable he was with you there with him. He just wanted to stay like that with you a little longer, with the smell of you filling his lungs, touching his things. He vaguely recalled trying to keep his eyes open and noticing that you looked very tired too.
Now there you were, his arm wrapped around you, laying over your hip, and his hand was in an area that normally he wouldn’t have dared let it venture. It was starting to come back to him each minute he was conscious, and he was almost certain that when he started to wake up, he was grinding his morning monster on your butt, and his hand was touching you between your legs in a very inappropriate way.
It wasn’t just a dream; he had been really doing that, or he was pretty sure he was.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Way to go, fucking creep, he mentally yelled at himself.
He had no right to, but Five had you spooned into him like you were his, and if you were awake, you were definitely able to feel his predicament, and also what he had been doing to you.
He shifted his weight, moving just a little, trying to give you some space and maybe if it was not too late, also try to save some face.
Just as he began to pull his arm off, you started stretching your legs, your feet twisting around his.
“Is it morning already?” you complained.
The smell of your hair filled Five’s lungs again and the pressure from you pushing back against him had his eyes popping wide.
If he had his powers still, he would have blinked away the second he’d realized where he was. That wasn’t an option anymore, but the instinct to do it was still eating at him like the ghost of a spark that kept trying to burst into a flame but couldn’t.
Five was panicking; he didn’t know what to do.
You shifted again, trying to move back, but he found he had nowhere to go. He was trapped between you and the back of the couch.
“I… Ah… It’s not morning yet. I’m sorry I woke you. I must have fallen asleep," Five stammered as he tried to sit up, using the arm under his small couch pillow to push himself up. "I’m going to just-"
You captured his hand as it started slipping over your hip. You pulled him back down and he found himself falling around you again, entrapped in the exact same position.
“You’re so warm, and your office is so cold. Please don’t go yet. I like you as my blanket,” you whined while pushing back, your firm curves warm against his even warmer erection.
Five went ram rod still at the same time you did.
“I am so sorry,” he quickly tried to say, but stopped at that because he found he had no other words that would explain what he’d done. Instead, he forced out the pillow from under his head and then buried his face in it, hiding from his shame like a total jackass.
The clock on his wall ticked for felt like an eternity, neither of you saying a word. You were clearly upset, weirded out, or god help him…Five didn’t know anymore.
Finally breaking the silence, you said, “Five, stop that. You don’t need to be sorry.”
Even though he was still under his shield, Five could tell by your tone that you were trying to console him. Of course, you were the one taking the highroad. Here he was the one almost 42 years older than you and you were the one being mature.
He took a deep breath, trying to clear his head, knowing he had to say something, but still not sure what would make the situation better.
“And to think," he started, "I was worried about what my boss would think if someone here found out about us and talked. It turns out I was worried about the wrong thing. This is so much more awkward and damning than that." He groaned into his shame pillow.
Five felt you move, your hands landing on the throw pillow, forcing him to let go. When he finally had the courage to open his eyes, he was met with yours, and even though it was dark, he could tell you weren’t mad. You had turned your body towards him, and your fingers were already playing with the ends of his hair at the nape of his neck.
Five felt like he was going to die, sure that he would if you didn’t stop touching him like that.
He was thinking about using his arm to cover his face instead of expiring. It was his only option since you’d thrown his pillow out of reach, but then he realized he may have needed more than just his arm to cover him because he could feel everything from his forehead to his chin burning bright red with humiliation. 
You grinned at him in that way he knew meant you were trying to hold back a laugh. “You know, Five... Nobody is talking doom and gloom about this other than you, and why do you think this is awkward?”
“Oh, I don’t know… because of Morning Glory here,” he joked, gesturing down to where the small throw blanket you had pulled with you had thankfully covered the area below his waist, but it didn’t really matter because he knew, and you knew, that he was still sporting a nice sized tent for the second time you’d been alone with him in a week.
You took claim of his hand, pressing a kiss to his knuckles, keeping your devil-may-care grin on your rosy lips. “Yeah…I don’t really think you can blame that all on it being morning. Unless that clock is wrong, it’s not even midnight.”
You very purposefully moved closer, and all at once, Five felt you press against the villain in his pants with your thigh and he accidentally let out a little puff of airy agitation in response.
“And this isn’t awkward. It’s flattering," you furthered, your sexy smile melting into something a bit silly as you added, “A healthy sexual appetite is nothing to be embarrassed about."
Your intentionally nerdy, sex ed teacher tone had somehow managed to sound even sexier than when you normally teased him, and holy fuck did Five love getting lectured by you you like that.
The dirty old man in him that was thinking about spanking you for trying to steal his role as the teacher didn’t know what to say. You were obviously trying to make him feel better for his little predicament, but he still felt like a creep. Getting morning wood while sleeping next to an extremely hot girl that was way out of your league was one thing, but touching her in her sleep, like that… 
 What the hell was wrong with me? That was not normal! Five privately scolded himself.
“I need to-" He didn’t finish, instead, Five swiftly pushed himself up, and as discreetly as possible made sure ‘woody’ was tucked down against his leg.
He started getting up, and you moved out of his way. He swung his legs to the floor and was about to stand, but he didn’t get any further than that because you quickly turned and swung a leg over his lap, your knees landing on either side of his torso, in effect ambushing him, and preventing his escape as your skirt flared out, covering his lap.
“Hey, not so fast. I am not mad at you, Five. I fell asleep too, so it’s not your fault. Maybe it happened again for a reason. I knew you were dreaming a few minutes ago, so don’t be freaked out about this or what happened the other day. It’s ok, I promise.”
Your fingers moved along his scalp, playing with his hair again. The look on your face was so sincere, but then it quickly changed to something more pensive and playful as you slowly licked your lip then continued. “And just so you know, even if you weren’t dreaming, I would have been ok with what you were doing. You can touch me however and whenever you want. I thought I made that known the other day. You were the one that said no more, not me.”
The more perplexed Five looked, the more devilish you looked. Your fingers dug in as they fell to his shoulders, pulling his shirt even tighter in your grip.
You leaned in and whispered in his ear. “I am so wet for you right now, I am more than ok with how that clever mind of yours works, but the question is, are you, and do you want me to stop trying to convince you how much I want you?”
The things you were saying and your soft breaths on his skin were making Five’s hands shake.
“Don’t stop,” he breathed, just as your lips brushed against his cheek and you began kissing him..
Both of Five’s hands latched on to your hips so fast it was like he wasn’t in command of his own body anymore. He felt like he needed something to hold on to, to ground himself, and his hole punch filled morals weren’t working.
It was so much all at once, with real lips on his, and you on his lap and the warmth of your sex so close to his painfully hard cock. Instead of thinking about how 'wet' you said you were, Five tried to distract himself by focusing on your mouth as it moved against his. You obediently opened for him as he urgently searched your lips with the tip of his tongue, pushing for entry. The second you gave, Five darted it inside, feeling the sweet, candy-like warmth that he was coming to know was simply the taste of you.
Beside himself already, Five moaned into your mouth.
Your tongue met his more excitedly after that, and you both pushed each other for more, hardly coming up for air.
You felt so good. What you were doing to him felt so good; it was like he was in another world, with nothing but the two of you.
It was like it was with Dolores, only not at all. That was survival. She was hard and cold. You were soft and warm, and she was him, and you were…fuck.
Dolores knew him. You didn’t.
Like before, Five knew this was wrong, but his hands slipped behind you anyway, pulling you closer as his hips rocked underneath you.
In moments of desperation, Five had held Dolores in his lap like this so many times, and done the same thing, only this was so much different. He could have lost himself completely in the feeling of you and been a very happy man, but his brain kept trying to reboot and intrude.
Even as his cock was getting a nice little ride, his brain was yelling at him to stop. 'Here you go again! This is so fucked-up, and this is obviously not going to help with your not so little problem, and what the hell are you doing? You’re going to ruin this for both of you!'
He pulled away, his breath coming way too fast.
“We shouldn’t do this… I…I can’t-” he whispered, but he couldn’t help it as he let his lips trail along your jaw, trying to repress his agonized growl.
You weren’t buying it, and he wasn't doing a good job selling it. Seeing where your hips were, it was obvious he was more than capable of doing this.
You softly laughed, your breath brushing his skin as your hands explored, first unbuttoning his fitted vest, then untucking his dress shirt, making his entire body quake with the simplest of touch as your fingers crawled up, exposing him, one small button at a time. 
Not used to being touched like that, Five pulled back, dropping his head as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to regain some composure. You weren’t having that either. You continued to caress his heated skin with your fingers moving dangerously close to his waistband.
Unlike him, your intentions were very clear as usual, but your voice came out raspy and sweet and questioning anyway, in total contrast to how you were so self-confidently seducing him. “Five?”
He hesitantly opened his eyes and looked up at you. Your cheeks were flushed, and your lips swollen from his kisses, your eyes full of worry.
“Why are you scared?” A crease appeared between your brows. “What you were doing was perfect and I want you to touch me. I wanted you to touch me all night,” you said, practically moaning your words.
Five was so fucking hard; it was almost more than he could take. All rational thought was gone.
When he came back up to meet you again, claiming your lips, you were ready and willing, tugging him closer with his loosened tie. Not satisfied with his state of undress, or with how you were so successfully dominating him, you quickly undid the knot and whipped the length of silk through his collar, throwing it over his head. You traced your nails down his torso with one hand and laced your fingers through his hair with the other.
Five met your advances, letting his hands float under your blouse, exploring the softness of your skin. When his fingers grazed just below your breasts, he stopped.
“Is this ok?” he asked with his mouth still brushing against your lips.
“Yes. God yes,” you whispered as you dropped your head back, moving yourself against him as he risked letting a finger glide over the lacey fabric of your bra. After a few more tentative touches, you made a soft whining sound. Five looked up, and the look you were giving him was so needy that it could have only matched his own. “They way you touch me…it’s like nobody else has ever touched me. Everything is different with you, Five. I don’t know why but it is,” you breathed.
Relinquishing his hold on your curvy hips, Five slid his hand up your back, proudly only fumbling a few seconds to get the clasp on your bra unhooked.
You let the fabric pull away from you so his fingers could slide under and caress your breasts.
Five leaned in, placing his other hand back on your ass as he buried his face against your neck. He wasn’t brave enough to take off your shirt the way you’d done to him, but this was plenty awe-inspiring anyway.  He relished your body’s reactions to him and the smell of your skin as he lay gentle kisses below your ear. 
Talking to himself in the way he’d spent a lifetime doing and couldn’t seem to break away from, Five asked, Why on earth have I been tormenting myself about this?
He had no answer to that, and Dolores, being not at all on his mind, didn’t chime in and give him any help like she normally did in his times of distress.
Five trailed kisses along your jaw and over your quietly gasping lips as you rocked your body against his cock. He continued to massage your breasts, stopping to feel your nipples as they grew harder, all seemingly because of his tender touch.
You moaned sweetly, letting him know you liked how it felt as he rolled the taut nubs between his fingers. Musing again, Five smiled while thinking that the only thing that would be better would be having your tits in his mouth.
Instead of doing that, he kissed your lips again. The hand Five had on the curve of your waist instinctively pulled you right up against him as his hips jut into yours. The sensation sent him careening, and he had to squeeze his eyes closed and think about something else or Chernobyl number two was going to happen in his pants.
The friction he had thought would help ease things, unfortunately only made it worse. His dick was so hard, it was throbbing in complaint as it lay trapped under his remaining layers of clothes. He could hardly breathe, and even more embarrassing, Five had just let out an animalistically guttural sound that had filled the entire office.
He would have been mortified that he’d done that, but when he opened his eyes, all he saw was your hooded eyes gazing back with no hint of judgment.
He didn’t even realize you had moved your hand from his chest until you were touching him, your palm cupping him tightly through his pants. Five swallowed hard, trying with everything he had not to move as you rubbed along his thigh where his dick had been trapped.
“Fuck-” he croaked out, then bit the inside of his cheek in an effort to be quieter in case there happened to be anyone else in the office working late.
“Do you want me to stop?” you asked.
“Please no,” he begged with his lips grazing your cheek.
You increased the pressure, and Five tried to pump himself up into your hand in response.
“Good, because I don’t want to stop," you said, then you leaned in, purring more assurances as you kissed along his throat and pulled at the top of his waistband with your other hand, loosening the inner clasp so you could zip his fly down and let your hand slide in.
As you very carefully pulled him free, positioning his erection up between you, Five cried out at the feel of you manhandling him. He had touched himself like that so many times, but with you doing it, it felt millions of times more extreme. His hand that had been toying with your breasts lost all function, other than to fall to his side, fisting the bottom of your skirt.
Your skin against his hard flesh had him seeing stars as you explored, running your palm down and up his entire length.
After getting more acquainted with what you were working with, you ran a finger over the tip of Five’s cock, doing that move over and over. That of course made it harder for Five to think and breathe. You spread the wetness that had gathered there, smearing it under your tightened fingers, and by the time your hand wrapped around him even firmer, and you started to really move, the muscles in Five’s legs were quivering and flexing uncontrollably.
As you started jerking him off, feeling like he was having an outer body experience, Five dropped his head back, pinching his eyes closed.
He wasn’t thinking at all anymore. If you'd asked him his name, he wouldn't have been able to tell you.
“Harder-" he begged through clenched teeth.
Your hand obediently tightened.
There was nothing but the sound of wet skin, and sex, and the feeling that he wasn’t in control of any of it for the first time-ever.
Fuck. He was going to come already.
“Plea-” he desperately breathed, gazing up at your determined eyes. You sped up without him having to find the coherent words to ask for it, and he couldn’t help himself as he bucked, moving you with him as his hips repeatedly met your hand. “I am gonna cum-" he warned, but you didn’t stop.
His breath hitched, and his eyes closed again as his forehead fell against your chest.
Falling apart like he’d never done for anyone, Five began to spill.
“Fuuuuuuuuck!” he moaned, the ‘F’s’ repeating as spurts of his seed rocked his body.
Your hand slowed in pace with his erratic thrusts, but your fingers stayed around him as he rode out the final spasms of his release.
Five dropped his head back on the couch, totally drained.
You let go and slid your hand back up, letting the waistband of his briefs snap back in place when once you had him properly tucked in.
Now that it was done, Five wanted to fold in on himself and hide, to run, to…
He didn’t even know what he wanted to do. He could feel all his normal anxieties seeping back in way too quickly even though that had been unbelievable, and you were unbelievable and fuck...
When Five risked opening his eyes, he realized you had grabbed some tissues from the box on the side table and managed to catch his mess, so at least he didn’t make a total fool of himself in that way, or defile CIA property by splatter painting their stupid decorative plant. That would have been just great, blasting jizz all over that, or over himself and you in the wake of his inability to show even the slightest bit of restraint.
Someone was thinking; and it sure as hell wasn’t him.
“I am sorry,” he said, looking up at you regretfully.
You had been beaming at him happily, and to that, your face scrunched in confusion. “Why are you sorry now?”
How does one say sorry for that…Five wondered, then came up with an answer.
‘Ah…because I just blew my wad in your hand, and because I did it so fast, and because I didn’t do anything for you...and I shouldn’t be doing any of this anyway because of more reasons than I can count, and I can count really fucking high!'
Five couldn't bring myself to say all that. It wasn’t that he knew how to do the same thing for you exactly, but still, he knew he was supposed to reciprocate, and he’d watched plenty of porn over the years, so he could have at least tried.
Holy hell, he felt stupid.
“Oh no... There you go again. Five. When you get that look, I know it’s not good. For a guy that normally seems like you have the world by the balls, you worry way too much,” you said.
The urge to do something was there, but then you started to run your fingers through his hair again and Five couldn’t help the extremely relaxed feeling it was giving him, especially after what had just happened. He wanted to give himself over to it, and just like that, he did. He simply let go, letting himself feel every soft touch of your hand.
It felt like love, or what he imagined real love felt like.
He would have been completely at peace with the world at that point, but Five still couldn’t completely shake the idea that he’d messed up and that he never should have started fucking with you to begin with.
He dreamily gazed up at you, still not sure what to say. “That was... Fuck," he idiodically huffed, then tried again. "That felt so good. I’m sorry I didn’t-"
You cut him off with your pointer finger to his lips.
“Stop, Five. Just hush it with the apologies. If you’re worried about me, don’t be.” Your frown melted into a curious looking little smirk. “You looked like you couldn’t take much more, and watching you, like that... Let’s just say that was very satisfying and I am very glad you liked it. I may not have reached the same level of pleasure as you, but I enjoyed myself plenty." You tipped your head to the side, as if considering something.
“You’re not pissed about any of this?” he asked.
“No, absolutely not.” You gave him a sexy grin. “If you’re really worried about it, why don’t we make a deal? Next time we play around, you can call all the shots, and I’ll keep my hands to myself. I’m sure you’ll think of a way to repay me with that vivid imagination of yours.”
Biting your lip, you waited for him to respond.
Five was almost certain that you'd just given him an open invitation to touch you like he had been doing when he woke up, and thinking about doing that had his now semi hard dick twinging with renewed excitement.
If he didn’t stop imagining that, then he would be fighting another massive boner, and the whole thing would start all over again. Hating himself for not being stronger than this, the voice in his head sang, Earth to Five… Do you even have a brain anymore or do you only think with your dick?
“Ok,” he agreed, breaking the silence with nothing more than a one-word answer.
He really, really did want to redeem himself, but he also needed to settle down because he could hear the wheels of Frank the janitor’s cleaning cart coming down the hall outside his door.
Knock, knock, knock…
“Shit,” Five cursed, shifting you off of him as he quickly started righting himself, zipping his fly, then quickly trying to button at least most of his shirt.
Frank tapped again as he was scrambling to pick up all the cummed on wads of tissue laying around on the floor. “You okay in there?” the older man called. “I came past earlier but….but I thought it might be better if I came back.”
“Just a minute,” Five called out, his eyes darting around the dimly lit office, seeing his tie laying over by his desk and your dress shoes laying at the other end of the couch. Your hair looked like you’d been rolling around in the hay with him, minus the hay. Realizing that his hair probably looked worse, Five also remembered struggling to keep quiet, but failing horribly. “Fuck,” he cursed, turning around, his vest flying open as he frantically tore his hands back through his messed-up man mane, only making his less than tidy cut look even worse.
As you calmly picked up your stack of books and the case files Five had kindly let you use for your essays, frowning, he looked back at you from his reflection in the small mirror hanging by the door. The way he looked only made your hardly stifled giggles even louder.
Nice going boner boy. Very smooth and so fucking tactful! he silently fumed while rolling his eyes at himself.
Coming up behind him, you leaned in and kissed his cheek, quieting his troubled thoughts as if you held some kind of otherworldly magic over him.
Five shut his eyes, again letting you make all the moves for him. He cleared his throat, then he opened the door, doing his best to offer Franke a curt-looking smile and wave him inside, so he could do his thing.
“Evening, Frank.”
The white-haired janitor looked from Five to you, his mustache quirking just a little.
Hand pushing deep in his front pockets, Five moved aside, coming out into the hall, letting the older looking man and you move past. “Make sure you read over the notes I gave you on the importance of situational awareness before tomorrow, or there’s no way you’re going to pass,” Five called after you, trying to sound as pompously dick-ish as he normally would.
Turning back, you flipped him the bird.
Five smiled.
Watching you disappear down the hall, he promised himself this was the last time he was going to let you get him.
If he was doing this, which he evidently was, then he was going to start showing you exactly who he was. Then, maybe you’d get that he wasn’t who he appeared to be, and you’d do what he wasn’t strong enough to do, which was walk away from this.
Part Three: Closeted Softy
One second you and Five were heading down the hall, making your way to the conference room where, in an hour, he was going to be delivering a class to other trainees on interrogation tactics, then the next, your head was spinning from how quickly Five had latched on to you and swung you around, pushing you inside a maintenance closet.
It was dark, but not completely because the light seeping in from under the door filled enough of the cramped space for you to see that a jug of industrial cleaner was sitting on a shelf, inches from your face.
Something behind Five jingled, like a set of keys or something else metal.The points of his dress shoes nudged against the tips of your toes as he moved in closer, pressing you against the wall, so you couldn’t get away. You started to open your mouth, but before you knew it, he crashed his lips into yours, silencing you.
As he pinned you in his embrace with his strong fingers digging into your hips, his kiss quickly grew deeper and more desperate, making your heart beat faster and faster. Then, suddenly, he broke away, peering at you with his striking green eyes full of the devil.
“My turn,” he said, his smile exposing more of his charmingly boyish dimple in the dim light.
His warm fingers started sliding up the length of your arms, an unexpected coldness tickling your skin as he went, bringing your hands together. The weight of his body pushing against you, Five recaptured your lips with his again, then he pinched his fingers around the metal rings he’d just sneakily slipped around your wrists, tightening the handcuffs that you had no idea he’d had with him.
“Five, wha-"
As soon as he had you strung up, the chain of the cuffs hung up on one of the hooks above your head that would normally be used to hang a mop or broom, Five’s hands moved down, pushing you into the wall even tighter. "No hands, remember,” he mumbled in way of explanation before biting down on your earlobe, his teeth stinging your flesh as he suddenly pinched your nipples through the fabric of your blouse.
You gasped in shock, feeling Five's breathily laughed sigh of happiness over it, then you felt his velvety whisper. "Was that good?"
“I think you know it was,” you breathed as you squirmed in frustration, wanting to touch him, to run your fingers along the lines of his handsome face, then down his lean frame, but able to do none of that as he peered at you through the darkness with a lopsided grin.
Five's eyes smoldered, the soft green glint in them nonexistent. Lowering his head, he started softly licking one of your nipples through your shirt, his saliva wetting the fabric so there’d be no way you could hide it when the door reopened.
“You regretting doing this with me yet?” he asked when he pulled away.
All you could do was let out the most pathetic sounding whimper, so he did it again, only this time smiling against your peeked flesh before he bit down, making your body crane up against his. That’s when he reached down between you, and started palming himself.
Five jerked his chin to the side and slowly swallowed, his Adam's apple moving accordingly while your eyes drank in the sexiness of his nervous tick.
All at once, abandoning his own need, his hands were sliding up your skirt, moving between your legs. His breath hitched as soon as he felt the heat of your desire for him wetting your satin underwear.
A growl crept up from inside Five’s throat as he pushed the garment aside, slipping it down your legs where it got trapped at your ankles, further proving how helpless you were. At the feel of his hand sliding down, you squirmed over the new sensation, but instead of giving you what you wanted, Five paused, letting the wetness of your arousal paint the tips of his fingers.
“Oh fuck, I fucking love this,” he breathed as if transfixed. That breathless declaration, along with the gentle movement of his fingers, softly and carefully stroking, hit you hard. You reactively clenched your thighs together as fresh wetness spilled between your legs.
You whimpered as he cursed again, and his finger started sliding a little harder.
You bucked against his hand because it felt so good. Equally moved, Five feverishly started kissing you, but his hand remained, lodged between your legs.
Trying to chase the gloriously erotic feeling he was giving you by feeling more of him, you tried to push closer to him, but he wouldn’t let you, dodging it by moving himself back out of your reach.
“MMmmmmfff!" you cried, breathlessly breaking away from his mouth. "Yes, Five, there!” you urged and panted, then you had to hold your breath because that was way too loud and his finger was moving just right against your clit and…”Ahhh-ah-Ffffiiiiiivvveeee!”
Standing there, his silhouette in his black suit only making him look all the more sinister, Five smiled so sweetly. “That’s it, say my fucking name.”
“Fffffuuu- Five, yeeeeeesssss,” you moaned, when his index finger moved harder and faster.
Your breathing was becoming more labored, and your heart was beating so fast it felt like it might explode. Your body was moving of its own accord, your hips helplessly wiggling against his hand. Unable to control himself, Five started to thrust himself against your leg. “Tell me you want me to fuck you,” he growled as your body rammed back against the wall from the momentum of his attack.
His index finger pushed through your folds, flirting with entering you before sliding back upwards, pressing into your clit with just the right pressure. The handcuffs dug into your skin as your back arched off the wall while he licked at your earlobe in long hot hungry swipes.
“Say it!”
“I want you to fuck me! Please, Five!”
Only furthering his claim on you, and proving none of this was in your control, Five bit down hard and sucked at the skin on your shoulder as his finger flew around your nub, gliding faster and faster in a semi-circle like motion, pushing upwards, then down with no mercy. 
You bucked and thrashed. “Yes, like that,” you frantically begged.
Five slowed his pace to a stop, denying you. 
He lifted his head, looking up at you appraisingly, then he slowly slipped his finger inside you. As it disappeared, your walls involuntarily clenched around it, and looking diabolically thrilled, Five moved his digit deeper inside you.
You moaned, so broken and quiet that it finally seemed to bring a little of that familiar light of worry to his eyes. “Does it hurt?” he quietly asked.
Lost in the feeling of him inside you, you shook your head.
Once your tightness could be felt along the whole length of his finger and his palm was pressed up against you, Five began to slowly move in and out to the same pace as his thumb swirling around your clit.
“Oh my god, Five,” you gasped, as your whole body struggled against his.
“Does this feel good?” he asked, determined to keep you talking as he angled his finger up, letting it drag, making you bucked up, proving that was a move worth repeating.
“Ff-fuck. Ff-feels so good,” your words trailed off as you pinched your eyes shut.
“Say that you are nothing but a little prick tease and all you want is my cock, or I’m leaving you in here and not coming back,” Five demanded, his voice sounding so low and cold.
You didn’t understand. You said nothing.
“Do it!” Five angrily hissed.
“I’m a prick tease and I want your cock,” you obediently cried.
Five pulled out of your warmth, then gently buried his middle finger and index fingers together inside you, doing it so slowly.
Watching you intently, Five gradually increased the pace and angle of both fingers. He moved them in and out, again and again, the soft wet rhythmic sound of him moving inside you, and your panting for more, driving his wrist harder and faster. Unable to stop himself, he pushed his mouth against yours, fighting to be inside you even more than he was, but soon his own breathing became too unsteady, and he was forced to pull away for air.
“Fi-ve....I am almost there… Plea-se don’t st-op!” Your teeth pierced the bottom of your lip as you closed your eyes.
“Look at me,” he demanded, and just like that you did. You were covered in a sheen of sweat, about to double if the cuffs hadn’t been holding you up and he looked like something dark had consumed him, something terrifying.
“Please…let me go so I want to touch you,” you said as you gasped and bucked against his hand, your wetness warmly slipping against his palm as his long fingers felt like they were touching your soul.
“Do this for me, like this, and it will be over,” Five lovingly urged, and that change in how he’d spoke to you and what he’d said confused you even more.
"Five!" you cried as his fingers abruptly changed pace again, violently slamming in and out of you.
Your legs all at once tightened around his hand and your insides began to clench around him. Your entire body tensed, then shuddered. You weren’t breathing at all for moments on end. When you did, it was strained, but Five’s fingers kept going at it hard, letting you ride out every moment of the orgasm he’d forced out of you. 
When the clinching sensation around his fingers gradually began to slow to where he could no longer feel it, Five finally stopped moving them. You went limp against him, breathing heavily as he let you drop your head to his shoulder. 
As he held you, you were letting out shaky noises of contentment, and you were sure by the way his hand trembled as he ran it up and down our back that he wasn’t feeling very steady either. You felt like you could cry it was all so much, but then, adding to your dismay, that was when Five pried himself away and you heard the sound of him starting to open his pants.
Opening your eyes, your entire body still pulsing in time to your frantic heartbeat, you were treated with faintest glint Five’s heartbreakingly infectious pale green eyes that never seemed to cease in their infinite power over you, that, and his long, hard dick in his hand as he slowly and methodically stroked it like a man that knew exactly what he was doing and didn’t care at all that he was killing you.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” he said while peering at you, still strung up, locked to the wall, unable to get away unless you screamed, ending all this madness of this for both of you.
Coming forward, the ends of Five's hair tickled your heated cheeks, his erection coming all the way to the height of your navel as he whispered in your ear, “Don’t worry. We’re almost done.”
Moving back so you could see all of it, his leisured motions as he massaged his cock, Five ran his hooked index finger round the tip, carefully spreading the moisture dripping out of him down his entire length, then he began to work himself in earnest, sliding his hand effortlessly over his shaft.
Just looking at him doing that made your insides throb all over again. Tiny shivers of satisfaction danced up your spine as a low growl resonated deep in Five’s throat.
The way he was looking at you as he pleasured himself spoke of so much without him uttering a word. There was a flicker in his eyes, something pained.
His breathing was becoming more labored as he gave himself over to the feel of his hand.
His thighs were tensed, holding him upright as the expensive wool fabric of his dress pants slouched to his knees. He was so beautiful.
“I’m- I'm almost there," he gasped. 
He came at you, whipping aside your skirt with his free hand, just in time for the milky white burst of cum that started to spill out of him. It spurt out, up onto your stomach, and between your legs, dripping down your thighs as he shuddered and grasped, erratically jerking his hand at his sensitive tip with the final jolts of his release.
When Five felt the final waves of tension in him ease to an end, he let go of his cock, but not before giving the thickly engorged length one final pump, that made his eyes fall shut.
Stumbling forward, he collapsed into you, shuddering all over again.
“Holy fuck,” he breathed while shakily wiping his forehead with his forearm.
“You can say that again,” you agreed as his face nuzzled against your neck.
Looking out of it, Five glanced down between you. Even in the darkness he could see what he’d done, his release glistening all over your body and clothes.
“That was not exactly what I meant to do to you,” he apologized, as he immediately reached over to the shelf, swiping a roll of paper down so he could start cleaning his cooling seed off your stomach and even some that had flung up between your breasts, leaving chalky stains on your black blouse that there was no way his efforts could remedy.
As Five attempted to erase the visible evidence of what he’d done, to you, his expression appeared to be a mixture of fascination and shame, and before seeing that look on one face, you weren’t even sure those two emotions could happen at the same time, but with Five, you were starting to realize anything was possible.
Throwing the soiled towels to the floor, he silently reached up, releasing you from your restraints. Still not letting you go, his warm fingers rubbed your wrists, so tenderly as he lowered your arms and pressed a soft kiss to your temple, everything about his behavior so unlike his urgent kisses and crazed demands from before. 
It felt so good to be worried over by him like that. He pulled you firmly against him, his chin resting on your shoulder. The hold he had on you felt possessive but also is heartbreakingly desperate as you both took in the uncertain afterglow of something neither of you could put to words.
After a few minutes, you tried to push away enough to look him in the eye, but the moment you did, Five turned away from you and popped the door open.
“Five, what’s wrong?”
Not answering you, he stepped out, then he stopped a few feet from the door and looked down at his shoes, with his dark hair falling over his face.
“Five, wait,” you snapped at him when he started to walk away again.
Mid-step, his hands clenched at his sides. “No. Go back to your room and change, then go straight upstairs and tell them you need to be transferred to another office,” he quietly said, then walked away.
Part Four: Not Five’s Dolores
You did go straight to your room like Five had told you to do, but you didn’t go upstairs and request a transfer. You ended up being late for the session Five was leading, thanks to having to change, and fix your tear-streaked makeup, and pull your head together enough to face him, but as it turned out, as the other trainees filled out of the conference room an hour later, he wasn’t even in there with them.
He'd bailed and another agent had led the class.
Over the next week, Five was nowhere to be seen, which meant you had no mentor and had to buddy up with your roommate and hers, a middle-aged guy who was not at all as easy on the eyes as Five, but at least he hadn’t ruined you. That was about the best thing you could say about Barry Carponelli and his questionable shirt stains paired with the oppressive smell of stale cigarettes that always seemed to be wafting off him.
Five did not smell like that. Five was…
Five was an asshole.
After another training session, sparring with Agent Smelly, you slung your gym bag over your shoulder, ready to be done with all of it.
“Hey, kid,” Barry called after you. You turned. “You know, before I came down here to teach you girls how to do more than those pansy ass moves Five is always doing in here with you, I heard someone say that smug little prick was finally back. If I took that many days off, I’d be fired. I have no idea why they put up with him. You’re better off without him,” he said, then plucked a smoke out of his pack and strolled past, leaving you filled with renewed purpose.
This wasn’t over until you said it was. Fuck Five.
Racing up the stairs to the admin offices, you went straight to Five’s door, just as his assistant Derek was coming out. “Is Five available,” you asked.
“No. He just left for the day,” the small statured blonde male answered, looking at you curiously. “Do you need me to leave him a message?”
“No,” you quickly replied, glancing at Five’s office door. “I think I left one of my notebooks in there the other day. Do you mind if I go in and look for it?”
“Go ahead,” Derek said, opening Five’s office door wide, making it clear he’d be keeping an eye on you.
Politely nodding your thanks, you went in, heading for the couch, but as soon as you heard Five’s assistant getting distracted by someone else, you darted for the desk.
Pulling on the drawers, you realized most were locked. “Shit,” you quietly cursed, looking around the clean surface of Five’s workspace, but then you saw it. Sticking out from under a paperweight that was shaped like an umbrella that had been turned backwards by the wind, you saw a piece of mail. It was personal. It was a bill with Five’s address on it.
You smiled. “Found you, you bastard.”
A few hours later, just before sunset, you were in a shady neighborhood that was not at all where you’d expected Five to live based on his job and his outward appearance being that of someone that looked like they had much higher standards than the rundown building you were standing in front of.
Going inside wasn’t much better. Since the elevator was broken, you had to step over countless piles of trash in the fire escape stairwell on your way up the fifth floor.
By the time you had gotten to his door, you were second guessing yourself.
Raising your hand to knock, you finally came to your senses. Confronting Five would do nothing to change what had happened. First thing in the morning, you would put in your transfer paperwork.
Then, just as you were lowering your hand and turning to leave, a tall curly-haired guy, several years older than you, or more, opened the door. He looked as startled as you, his eyes crinkling in the corners as he looked you up and down.
“Tell them, I am not coming, and stop coming over without calling first! I told you I am fine!” Five yelled from somewhere in the apartment.
Saying nothing, the stranger looking back at you as he stood there wearing the strangest poncho made of bubble wrap, lifted a finger to his lips, silently motioning for you not to say anything, then he came out.
Once he’d shut the door, he said, “Hi. I am Klaus, Five’s brother. And you are?”
You said your name, and just as fast, his eyes lit up. “Right… I thought maybe it was you…” He grinned. “So…” He pulled his lips to the side. “I suppose you were here to tell off that angry little shit rat in there?”
“I was, but I changed my mind.”
“Since I’ve heard all about you, and I’m sure Five has told you all about me and the rest of his wonderful family, and your plans have changed, and it looks like neither of us have shit to do now, would you like to join me for a stroll to this really nice smoothie place a few blocks away? It’s got the best add-ins, like lemongrass and all sorts of other healthy crap that really boosts the old immune system and keeps the reaper away.”
Five told you nothing about Klaus and almost nothing about his personal life that didn’t relate directly back to his work at the CIA. He’d used you to get his rocks off and that was that, but you didn’t say that because something told you this peculiar Klaus guy already knew that his brother was a first class asshole..
Opening your mouth to decline, Klaus must have seen it coming, so he stuck out his bottom lip. “Pretty please… This neighborhood is scary, and I walked all the way over here to check in on that grumpy old man child and he’s being such a dick head, and I know something’s up with him other than his normal lonely mopey thing, but like always, he won’t talk about it. He’s always shutting us out and I know he likes you and something happened and-"
Taking a risk, you cut Klaus off. “You know what, I am in the mood from some anti-grim reaper juice.”
Giving you a toothy smile because he’d totally got you, the next thing you knew, you were being escorted down the street by Klaus Hargreeves, with him babbling on and on about things that seemed so far out there that they should have been part of a science fiction comic book rather than about what it was like growing up as part of something he called, The Umbrella Academy.
Hours later, after confirming Klaus was not on hallucinogenic drugs, or drunk, or just plain out of his mind, you had heard an earful and then some. After everything Five’s brother had told you, about them all being born with superpowers, their horrible alien father who adopted them, their  lives going to shit, to them all being stripped of their pasts and powers and left to fend for themselves in this new timeline, you didn’t know what to think.
It was clear that Klaus believed all of it. And he was very interested to hear your version about what had happened between you and Five, and when he did, like you’d suspected, he was not at all surprised by it.
“You’re the only one he’s ever done any of that with, and I mean like the only one, other than his plastic woman relationship thing. Five is not the bad person he thinks he is,” Klaus said, just before parting ways. “He’s just been through hell and back, over and over, and sometimes, I think he gets stuck not knowing how to move on from all that, you know…”
You didn’t know. You didn’t know what to think about any of this. What he’d said happened to Five was so bad, it was on another level of awful and unbelievable. Nobody would be okay after that, no matter how strong they were.
Piecing together the strange things Five had said to you, things like him being older than he looked, and that he’d done unredeemable things, it made sense now, but still…
Wow.
You did your best to act normal and not too weirded out. You liked Klaus. Klaus was the kind of person that was hard not to like, but it was hard not to be very weirded out.
Saying goodbye after you’d made sure Klaus was only a few blocks from his sister’s house, well out of the dangerous area of town that Five lived in, you were left alone again with your thoughts going haywire.
It was late, almost past midnight. Not even thinking about where you were heading, soon you were back, looking up at Five’s building.
Questioning your sanity, you lightly tapped on his door.
He didn’t come.
You knocked again, only louder.
A whole minute later and after several more knocks, startled and swaying as he flung his door open, Five blinked his eyes rapidly at you as if trying to clear his vision.
You looked down at the half-drained liquor bottle in his hand and the fuzzy dog slippers he had on his feet. To match his look of disheveled drunkenness, Five was wearing nothing but a dark blue bathrobe that came to just below his knees.  
“This was a very bad idea,” you said, under your breath, already turning to go.
Five’s voice cracked as he said your name. “…Please come back. I didn’t mean to-”
He wiped at his eyes.
Five took a small, very defeated looking breath. “I tried to leave you alone, but I just..”
“You just what?” you asked, coming back when he didn’t finish, stopping right in front of him with your fingers tapping at your hips.
Five held your accusing stare but just barely. “I just… I don’t deserve you and you could do a million times better than me.”
“Why because you’re a 63-year-old, ex-temporal assassin who’s stuck inside the body of an eighteen-year-old asshole who’s got his panties in a twist because he can’t teleport anymore?”
Forcing himself to stand up straighter even though it was clear that he was a drunk mess, Five swallowed, his face looking entirely serious. “Actually, we don’t call it teleporting. It’s called blinking, and you’re right, I can’t do that anymore, and if I wore panties, yes, they’d be in a twist about it.”
“Teleporting! Blinking! Five! What the hell difference does it make when I just walked into the twilight zone!”
Eyes wide, Five reached out, pulling you inside his apartment.
It was small, dimly lit, the furniture minimal. You could see almost all of it in just one quick glance. An outdated, beat-up kitchen on one side, two reading chairs next to an overflowing bookshelf made up his clean, but tiny living area. There was a bedroom door filled with darkness off to your left. Everything was old and used, but cozy looking. It was exactly the kind of unassuming hideaway you would have expected the extremely traumatized person Klaus had told you about would feel safe.
It was the embodiment of Five: the old man who’d cared about everyone else, but had given up on himself, and the innocent boy who’d been used and abused, who would never be able to stop fighting and hoping for a chance at something better.
“Do you believe it? Everything Klaus told you?” Five asked, looking at you with glossy eyes.
“I do.”
“Then why are you here?”
Pointing to the chair you were pretty sure Five had been sitting in based on the way the other looked like nobody ever sat in it, you let out a loud exhale. “Sit,” you ordered.
Five turned and stumbled back to his chair, dropping down in it clumsily, where he proceeded to almost spill his liquor, then slumped like a sad child that had just been told to go sit in the corner.
Coming over, kneeling in front of him, Five tried to put his legs together before you could position your body in a way that prevented it, but he didn’t move at all fast enough.
“Not this is how it’s going to go,” you said, gripping his knees. “I’m going to ask you something and you’re going to tell me the truth. Do you understand?”
Five nodded.
“Do you have feelings for me?” you asked.
“Yes.”
“What kind?” you countered.
“The kind that I shouldn’t have.”
You shook your head and spread his knees farther apart, making his terry cloth robe spread, exposing the snow-white skin of his inner thighs. “Elaborate,” you pushed. From what you could tell, Five wasn’t wearing any panties, just like he’d said. He wasn’t wearing anything.
The line between his eyes deepened as he answered you. “I have the kind of feelings for you that make me wish I was someone you could love.”
Slowly, you started moving your hands from his knees, heading under his robe, stopping just shy of the danger zone. “You don’t get to decide how I feel about you, Five. I can think for myself, but if you decide to push me away, that’s on you.”
Again, he nodded.
“I like you, Five and that means the you that I thought I knew but then decided to fuck things up and make me cry my eyes out.” You smiled even though that made him look even more miserable. “And I like that frisky old man in you that you’ve been trying and failing to keep hidden. Both are good men even if they act like jerk offs sometimes.”
A tear slipped down Five’s reddened cheek.
“You say you don’t deserve it, but I think, from what I’ve heard, you deserve the world, Five Hargreeeves.”
Five looked down at his lap, holding his breath.
Very carefully, your hand moved over him, gathering the silky length of flesh descended between his legs, lovingly fondling him.
“You need to realize that it doesn’t matter what you’ve done, or what you’ve lost. You’re still worthy of love, and even if you weren’t and all that crazy shit your brother told me turned up to be some kind of dream I’d had in a moment of insanity while wallowing over you as I drank a delicious smoothie, I’d still want you. Even if you looked like the white-haired man grumping around up there in your head, I’d want you because under it all, you are sweet and kind and too smart for your own good and all kinds of scary sexy and I like all of that.”
As you relished in the feel of him getting hard, Five looked utterly defenseless even though you knew that was far from the truth. His tear-filled gaze was lazy and appreciative as he gazed at you, lying your heart out to him as you stroked his ego and his cock.
“Do you still want me?” you asked.
“Yes,” he replied.
You brushed aside the rest of Five’s bunched-up, funny old man robe, then came forward, resting your forearms on his warm thighs. Your hand tightened around his cock and kept moving as you looked up at him, his eyes looking droopy as his head rolled to one side.
“You don’t have to do-” Five started, but before he could finish what he was going to say, you were nuzzling him, your face at the crook of his leg and torso, tenderly kissing him there before you slowed your hand to a stop and licked the length of his dick, from the base to the tip, like it was the best thing you’d ever had in her face.
Five shivered.
Without hesitation, you started to suck, slowly running your tongue around and around the drip of translucent fluid that had already started leaking out of him.
“Mmmmm,” you hummed as you tasted him, the smooth pattern of your mouth moving over him, making Five grasp at his armrests as he tried and failed to bite back a broken moan.
Your contented humming continued as you let your tongue spread the wetness so you could push your mouth down, taking in more of him. Feeling the vibrations from your throat, Five’s head dropped back against his chair. He reached down with his left hand, shakily brushing your hair to the side so he could watch you sucking him off.
When your mouth met your fingers, you stopped working downward and began to move your head back up, never letting up with your tight lips or your tongue as it pressed along his length.
“Oh shit, that feels good!” Five whispered, his fingers moving through your hair as he very tentatively placed his hand on the back of your head. More soft curses came out of him on quickening breaths as you buried your nose in the small tuft of dark hair between his legs, taking him until your nose hit his pubic bone.
Gripping you tighter, holding you there and finding no resistance, Five deliriously questioned, “Are you sure this is okay?”
The second he let up, your head bobbed, your mouth making the most perfectly erotic squelching sounds as tears started to run down your red cheeks. Still, you didn’t stop.
The sight of him breaking you, but not, and you letting him do it, and the feeling of you loving him like this even at his lowest, sent what was left of Five’s restraint out the door.
Straining not to push you too much, Five’s hips started rocking upwards as you latched on to his upper leg with your other hand, supporting yourself as he pushed his cock deep, sending himself down your throat each time he rolled and fucked his body up into your mouth.
He was the one mostly dictating the speed and depth of each thrust, and the act was brutally degrading, but you didn't seem to care. Even the sound of you forcing your breaths through your nose was a turn on, and Five had to force myself not to say the string of dirty praises he had running through his head.
“I’m so... cl-close,” he stammered instead, in-between hardly contained grunts of the word fuck while forcing your head down and up again.
With his heels digging into the floor for leverage to lift him with each jerk of his hips, something in Five felt like it was shattering.
He took you all the way to the hilt again, holding you there until you started gagging and digging your nails into his leg. Then he did it again, and again.
Overwhelmed by what he was doing and how sick it was of him that he wanted to feel and see you struggle like that, in between thrusts, he let out sob like cries of thank you, and please, and fuck, and with those desperate words helplessly coming out of him, that deep seated feeling in his stomach that followed was impossible to ignore.
“I’m gonna come,” Five wept as he fisted your hair and frantically pumped himself in and out of your mouth as he began to ejaculate down your throat.
He kept incoherently moaning as his hips thrust in angry bursts of momentum.
When his body was done and his shudders had ceased, dizzy enough that the room felt like it was spinning, Five finally let go of you and you fell back on your heels, whipping at the line drool that had dripped from your mouth. You looked up at him, your nose a little runny and your eyes still wet, but somehow you still managed to smile for him and that broke Five even more.
Reaching out, Five ran his thumb across your cheek, collecting a remaining tear before his hand flopped to his side again. “I am so sorry for everything,” he whispered.
“I know,” you whispered back as you covered him back up, pulling his robe around him like he was helpless, which he was. When you walked to his bedroom and he didn’t follow because he was physically incapable at that moment, Five didn’t get to see your smile, but as you looked around in the dark at his boyishly blue quilt and saw the small, worn stuffed animal puppy dog lying on his bed, you knew once again that you weren’t wrong about him.
Snatching up a blanket that was neatly folded and placed by his pillow, you came back out, laying it over him.
Leaning in, you brushed Five’s hair from his forehead before you kissed his cooling skin, then you tiptoed away again. Turning back as you placed your hand on the doorknob, you saw him sleepily watching you, clearly wanting to say something, but like so often, not being able to find the right words.
“Goodnight, Five,” you said, then you left.
Part Five: Perfectly Wrong
The next day, the second you entered his office, Five rushed to the door, locking it, then he grabbed you by the waist, tugging you closer. “Where the hell have you been, I have been losing my mind up here,” he declared while lowering his head to yours, bringing your faces within a whisper's length. 
“I have been working, that’s why I’m here, remember?” You laughed then said, “I wasn’t scheduled to meet with you until afternoon.” You looked at the clock then smiled. “Which is right now.”
Five didn’t look satisfied with that, so you kissed him, then pulled away, leaving him cutely puckering at air with his dark lashes fanning his cheeks so handsomely.
“For a man that once could control time, you seem very confused about how it works,” you teased.
“No shit. If that isn’t the understatement of the year,” he smarted back while giving you an adorable smirk. “I am impatient, impossible to deal with, and so horny for you that they should lock me up to protect you. All that made me think you’d changed your mind about me, that or I’d dreamed you coming to my apartment last night to tell me off, but then, instead, I ended up getting the first blow job of my long pathetic life and finished that mind blowing experience by getting tucked into my recliner like the big baby invalid I am.”
“I didn’t change my mind about you, and you didn’t dream that. I still like you, and our totally taboo, mentor fucking with his student, scandalizing age gapped, dirty talking, panty wetting, dry humping, cry fest of a relationship we have. Speaking of my training and it being your job to see to it that I succeed, I can’t quite understand how things work around here as they relate to my future and what they expect out of me as a fully sworn in agent.”
“Oh...? You read the 3000 page mission statement, but you still need my help figuring that out?” Five offered back, playing along.
You leaned in and whispered hotly in his ear. “I do. Will you help me?” 
“I’d do anything for you,” Five breathed back, nudging your nose with his to make you smile as he peered at you through the strands of his hair that had just fallen in his face.
“Maybe you could lay it all out for me, right here on the top of your desk? Show me how you navigate all these complicated protocols and endless hours of typing up boring intelligence reports. With all the talking and writing up briefings, your fingers and mouth must get so tired. I know mine do. What then? What other tools do you have on you to get you through those super hard, long days?”
Five tipped you back on his desk, his hands moving down your back to support you until you were resting on your elbows. “As a fully sworn in agent, I steer myself around any obstacles in my way, ruthlessly and rudely ignoring anything and anyone that dares to get in my way.” He pushed the bulge forming in his pants between your legs. “When it comes to protocols, I throw them out the window and do what I want because I have never been good at following anyone’s rules but my own. And when I get tired of talking and my fingers get fatigued from all the typing, I say fuck it and really start breaking the rules and let my dick do the talking for me, proving why it was a very bad idea to make me your mentor and that I’m a huge pervert. Would you like me to elaborate on that?”
“Yes,” you said, burying your fingers in Five’s hair, using it as an anchor to draw his mouth to yours as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders while trapping him with your legs around his waist.
Sliding his hands under your bottom, Five pulled you closer to his need, brushing his face at your neck as he sucked on and kissed, his warm breaths tickling your skin.
“Tell me what you want. I mean it, I’d do anything for you,” Five insisted, all teasing aside, speaking into your skin as you gripped his firm backside and fooled around with his hair in that way he loved.
“Because you're a bad boy and I am a very bad girl, I want you to break all the rules with me right now,” you whispered. 
Five let go of your hips where his hands had been rhythmically tugging you against him.
“Jeez-us, fuck you are trouble,” he breathlessly hissed as you reached down and started undoing his pants.
Five couldn’t contain his groan as you pulled his dick out and started to rub him. You flashed him your teeth as you smiled, enjoying yourself immensely as he careened into your grasp.
Giving you the hardest look he could muster considering what you were doing to him, Five pulled your hands away, guiding them both back behind you so he could press them down on his desk, under the pressure of his palms.
“Leave them here,” he sternly ordered, though there was no holding back his amused smile.
You nodded while sucking in your bottom lip as you coyly looked up at him from underneath your lashes.
Once Five was sure you were going to stay put, he let go of your hands, then he pressed himself closer to you again while bracing you from behind with one hand, bringing the other between your legs, yanking your panties aside.
As his fingers slid inside you, you dropped your head back, watching him with narrowed eyes.
“You’re really all in?” he asked, knowing you were, only wanting to hear you say it again.
“Yes, Five. I want all of you,” you begged, as you looked down at his cock, then up at him distraughtly.
Gripping himself, Five slipped his fingers out of you, replacing them with the softness of skin on skin and the warm, girthy head of his cock, gliding it back and forth as he wet himself at your entrance, then prodded and rubbed against your clit, back and forth.
“Fuck me, you're amazing,” Five cursed, unable to contain it when he finally felt what it was like to do this with his bare cock slicked against a body that was warm and forgiving.
He rocked himself against you, marveling over the simple pleasure of it, and he could have probably been held rapt forever by just that, but you’d said you wanted it all, and fuck..so did he.
“Are we okay like this?” he asked, meaning without protection.
“Yes, please…fuck yes!" you moaned, and he swore the look on your face could have killed a lesser man.
Getting the go ahead, Five ran his cock through your folds again, making sure he was wet enough to enter you. Then, carefully, drawing it out with a slow steady motion, he started pushing himself into you. Your warm walls clenched around his rounded tip, fighting it, but you didn't tell him to stop, so he moved inside deeper, whimpering because it felt so good to finally feel what this was like.
With Five’s thick cock opening you wider than it seemed possible, you threw your head back, panting his name and assurances to keep going, forcing your body to accept him. Feeling your tightness quivering around his length, unable to contain himself any longer, Five slowly started to move in and out, watching your face carefully for any signs of pain.
Once it was clear that he wasn’t hurting you, he smiled darkly, then very lowly warned, "Be quiet, or I’ll give you a reason to get really loud and then we both will have to start looking for new jobs.” 
Immediately going faster, his hips thwacking against you harder and harder, Five leaned forward over you again, kissing the exposed area of your neck and upper shoulder. 
When you let out a loud gasp, his hand flew over your mouth, then he increased the pace and angle of hips, rolling them in and out, fucking to a softer rhythm that felt so fucking good and made him look even more like he was the God of fuck he was.
“You are so fucking tight. This feels so…fuck,” he breathed before whipping his head back, trying to get his hair out of his eyes. As if he wasn’t doing you just fine already, hoisting your legs up a little more, Five pulled himself out a little, attentively working his tip in a way that pushed upwards, increasing the pressure building inside you in a way that made your head rolled back on your shoulders and your legs around his waist go limp.
“Oh, fuck, Five, yes, like that,” you cried out from under his hand.
“I fucking love you so much,” he moaned back, his eyes on yours as he bore down on you.
His dick pumping back and forth inside you even faster, Five’s brain took a second or two to catch up to what he’d just said. Breaking out in a sweat, his hand coming off your mouth, letting you breathe, he suddenly looked horrified, but that was only until you began to wildly thrust yourself back against him, using your ankles by digging them into his back.
Your fingernails tore into his back through his vest and dress shirt as he pushed his tongue against yours.
Slipping farther and farther into subspace every time his cock barred inside you, the more intense the lightning storm inside him got. His thoughts had grown hazy, and all Five knew was he was in heaven. 
He was slamming into you, harder and harder, and all you could do was hold on, keeping yourself locked to him as you clung to the sides of his desk. You felt that sweet aching pressure down in your lower abdomen. Your back arched. You felt your heart pounding between your legs as Five began to come violently cum, his cock throbbing inside of you as he fell into stuttering movements, having been totally taken off guard by the intensity with how hard the height of his pleasure hit him.
The scent of his cum in the air, of sweat gathering on your bodies and the sound of your heavy breathing, the sounds of your lover’s kisses returning to your lips, urgent, insistent, desperate….
It was perfect.
Five didn’t stop working his hips, pulling his cock in and out of you. Bringing his hand between your legs, all it took was the slightest touch of his fingers getting into the game and a few more pumps of his hips, making his cum drizzle hotly out of you onto his desk and you were falling apart, your body trembling through your equally intense release.
Slowing to a stop, Five smiled into your neck, slowly kissing you as he ran his hand down your side. He didn’t want to pull away, but he also didn’t want to force you to stay like that, spread out with him heedlessly leaning between your legs. On top of that, he could hear Derek talking just outside his door.
After a moment more of proudly grinning over what had just happened, he pulled away.
“Are you sure about me?” he asked, uncertain, yet playing it like a joke, not so brazen and sure of himself when you weren’t withering against him.
“I am sure, and that was, holy fucking wow, Five,” you praised, as you reached out, tenderly brushing back a piece of his hair that had stuck to his forehead.
Five’s ego was quickly restored. You always knew exactly what he needed, when he needed it. It was as if you understood him better than he understood himself and you were ok with who he was even when he wasn’t.
“You are making this way too easy for me,” he pointed out. 
“I ah… I should probably go,” you said as you grinned at him, momentarily distracted as he looked down at your legs dangling around his. He was so fucking hot.
“Shoot,” he laughed, rolling his eyes to his ceiling, then back to yours. “I meant to show you that my mouth is good for more than delivering sarcastically slights and even better clever commentary. Maybe there’s still time,” he teased, hands moving under your legs as he lowered himself, about to throw your legs over his shoulders and bury his face between the mess he’d made between your legs.
Derek knocked on the door.
“Fuck,” he laughed, jumping up, swinging your legs together, whipping you upright like you weighed nothing. His jaw pumped in agitation but that didn’t change his massive smile. “As much as I hate it, we really need to save that lesson for another time. Not that I care if I get fired, it’s just…You know,” he rambled, racing to zip up his pants and tuck his shirt back in.
“Another time then,” you chirped as you scooted off his desk, your heels landing softly on the floor.
As Five went to the door, unlocking it, before Derek tried to open it and come in, you came up behind him, hugging him from behind, your cheek falling against his as he tried to turn back. “I love you too, Five,” you whispered, then let him go just as the door started to open.
Stepping past Derek, you looked over your shoulder at Five, and said, “Thanks again for helping me, ahh…with figuring all that out.”
“Anytime. That’s what I am here for,” Five replied, his hand running over his mouth to hide his wicked grin.
As Derek looked at him in question, clearly aware that something was up, totally smitten, Five took the file he was handing him, but his eyes remained glued to you.
“It looks like those few days off did you some good. Are you feeling better?” Derek questioned, as he looked over at the papers pushed off of Five’s desk that were now laying on the floor. He smiled. 
“Yes, much better,” Five breathed, coming to his senses, but only after you’d turned the corner, blowing him a secret kiss.
For the first time in his life, Five knew what it was like to feel the love he’d always longed for, and it was all because of you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~As always, thanks for reading. Let me know if you liked this. ❤️~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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vanmarkus · 6 months ago
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sometimes I see posts like 'tommy doesn't even like buck' or 'they gave us nothing, how would you even know if they have chemistry' and I think hm maybe I read too much into it but then THE COFFEE SCENE comes back and I wonder what other people watched
gonna be very real; every argument against Tommy/bucktommy boils down to "he's not Eddie" "i don't like Tommy bc the vibes are off but instead of just saying that i wanna invent some kind of moral ground to justify crying about it all day long" and a favourite of mine: "older men make me uncomfortable" as if the actor isn't 39, playing against another actor who is in fact their babygirl and boo, who is also, a 33-year-old man, respectively.
people could really just say "it's not for me but go nuts while i engage with the stuff i actually like" but they gotta invent stuff that are just arguably untrue and visibly easy to disprove...
and just one more thing about the chemistry; Tommy's character has a different energy than Eddie's character, just as Lou has a different one to Ryan as a person and the characters have totally different dynamics; one is a newfound crush only getting to know each other, the other is a 6-year best friendship who have been through A Lot together.
but having a different dynamic and chemisrty doesn't mean there is none.
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tackytigerfic · 6 days ago
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tacky! if you’re not fed up with talking about it: what was your macro process for first watch of the night, soup to nuts? wondering about how you broke down outlining, drafting, editing. was it different in scope from your ordinary process, or just scaled up?
soup to nuts, baby (i had to google that, it is one of those delightful phrases that we don't use here and i'm hopelessly charmed by it).
thanks for the ask, pal. i'm always interested in people's processes myself, particularly since I came to writing so late (late 30s) and have never approached it formally. i do read an awful lot and that i think is my main influence and teacher (less so in recent years but am trying to get back to incessant reading). i have also been trying to read more works in translation and to revisit classics too, as well as try more formally inventive works. this i struggle with as i'm a bit basic when it comes to reading, i like the segue 'twixt page and brain to be seamless so it's like i'm absorbing it rather than thinking about it, while ofc a more experimental style does often necessitate thinking about it. My partner (approvingly) described my original work as a 'stylistic blank' (the cleaner the better i say) and that's exactly what i like best to read - though it's always a pleasure to be dragged by the throat out of my comfort zone too.
I would always have described myself as a pantser - I never outline, never do writing exercises or character work or beat sheets or whatever (i'm quite resistant to a very structured formal approach). every fic i ever write starts with the germ of one very specific idea - a cameraflash-quick image of a scene, a piece of dialogue... whatever it is. and then i usually start to write at the start and then work my way through.
This one was fairly similar in approach, initially. I opened one doc for loose note-taking — it's where i jot down any ideas i had for scenes, any snippets of dialogue, anything I'd need to remember. I then started writing the fic itself - in this case, I actually skipped through and wrote out of order, not that I knew what order things were going to go in, as such - but I just wrote any scenes I had thought of that felt interesting to me, and skipped a lot of the world-buildingy scenes or the sort of "texture" scenes, the ones that construct a sense of the world they're in and the relationships they have. I then found myself in the position of having to go back and write those bridging scenes, and make the connections (which in some cases did not naturally fall into place) - it was not easy, and I wish i had taken a more linear approach to the writing, in retrospect.
So by the end, some scenes in this fic were written in 2021 and some in late 2024, which means that when I finally finished the rough first draft, the writing quality was patchy, the pacing was off, and some plotty stuff really didn't make sense. That's when the real hard work started.
A few people had looked over very early scenes, but the bulk of the fic was written with no input from anyone else - just three years of writing it into a vacuum without any sense of perspective. Showing it to my alpha/beta people was so nerve-wracking. they read it at different times, which was great as i could concentrate on their feedback one by one, and all three of them had different suggestions (as well as lots of overlap ofc). It was extremely helpful to see what made sense to them, and what they liked - but more significantly, what bits they went 'what the fuck' at, or which bits all three of them had issue with (i'm thinking of the ending here, i really had to kill some darlings there when all three were unanimously just like... tacky no). i had different docs for all three of them, and i worked off one master doc, deciding which changes i wanted to incorporate and how i wanted to approach them. plot stuff was a HUGE issue. the writing quality could be smoothed out - but i'm not a plotty writer and sadly this fic has A LOT of plot. so i needed to work on that. i also have some wolfstar (including a sex scene) which i was nervous about, as i have never read any wolfstar.
Once i finished all the edits, i then did one more read-through myself. I've never edited on such a significant level before. my other two longer fics were written for fests, usually in a scramble to get them done on time — this felt expansive in a way i couldn't have imagined allowing myself to be before i was in it, but as i was working it didn't feel necessary to try to force myself into speed i couldn't hope to achieve or maintain.
@sweet-s0rr0w and i had a really happy morning organising the chapter breaks, and then i had to decide on a title and write a summary. tagging was easier as i had my friends to advise.
another big difference to previous processes is the posting schedule. now i'm posting a chapter every two days, i spend the day between posts working on the upcoming chapter one more time. in all but one chapter i have made quite a few changes immediately prior to posting, which just goes to show that the work is shaping itself as it goes. It's been fascinating to me how putting the fic out into the world is giving me a sense of perspective, creative distance, and dare i say a tighter control over the narrative now that it's not just in my head anymore? so i do think any tiny remaining wrinkles are more satisfyingly flattened than i could have ever hoped for.
so in short, this work is different in scale, ambition, and process in almost every way to anything i've ever written. I can't imagine i'm likely to be able to pour myself into something so profoundly ever again, tbh. it took me by surprise, but it's been the most creatively satisfying thing i've ever done. having people finally reading it (and so generously too) is like getting a very special gift.
Regrets? Being the slowest writer in the world, being too perfectionist (not that i think it's perfect in any way, just i wanted it to be the best i could make it, when it probably would have been grand if it was ehhh fine, you know?) Also, i think i could probably have refined the pacing a bit more. We're on chapter 7 now and six months have passed, so basically the last three months of the fic take place over the last 14 chapters 🙈 But that's because this is where most of the romance and plot develops, so it makes sense that it would take up more space. And i do firmly believe that fics should be a bit self-inulgent, so why not stretch out in the parts i'm most interested in writing?
tagging @citrusses @maesterchill and @sweet-s0rr0w who i can never thank enough for the work they did to get me to this point. everyone already knows what brilliant writers all three are - what a lucky bastard i am to have had their insights and advice.
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lunar-wandering · 3 months ago
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anyways as i mentioned earlier here is my absolutely nuts 'analysis' of Boboiboy having autism, and how each of the seven elementals kinda showcase a heightened version of an autism symptom-
so we're gonna go down in order (of manifestation for the elements)-
Boboiboy himself- he's just got the vibe, y'know? But also; it's been established he had no friends prior to moving in with his grandfather, which, y'know, is quite strange for a "normal" kid his age. He also tends to look at the people around him to know how to react in certain social situations (usually the person he looks to is Gopal which. Isn't always the best choice). Also the strong sense of justice is obvious (including that he goes so far as to help villains as well). (Yes this can be an autism symptom).
Halilintar (Thunderstorm). hear me out. Halilintar manifested due to overstimulation. I mean obviously the phobia of balloons is a huge factor here- but being in distress due to loud sounds is exactly one of the things that causes overstimulation for autistic people (could contribute to why he has this fear in the first place). One of the ways people might react to overstimulation is by becoming irrationally angry. Basically what I'm saying is that Halilintar spends most of his time on the edge of a meltdown-
Taufan (Cyclone). autistic joy. listen LISTEN. it's DIFFERENT from other people's joy, okay? a lot of autistic people experience emotions very intensely, it can full out take over you. also as far as i remember (it's been a while) he was the only one who had such an intense reaction to the mood changing potion- sure, the other people who had it were locked in one emotion, but none of them went as wild as he did- because he felt it a lot more intensely.
Gempa (Earthquake). i will admit, i struggled for a moment with Gempa- but honestly i think it's because he is, in my opinion, the one who's the most similar to OG Boboiboy. other than the heightened need to protect, which likely includes the sense of justice, I think Gempa is the one who masks the most out of all the elements. This is also why he seems to be the most neutral element.
Blaze and Ice. I'm doing these two together, because technically, their origin points are from the same thing: Burnout. It's just two very different responses to it. On the one side, Blaze is trying to, ironically enough considering the name, prevent burnout, by relieving stress (by doing things in the middle of night while no-one is looking and there's no pressure of social interaction). When there is too much stress, he falls into an overstimulated state similar to Halilintar's. On the other side, Ice represents the more depressed side of burnout- aka what happens after you actually burn out. It's why he's tired all the time.
Duri (Thorn). Okay so technically Thorn first manifested in battle but we're ignoring that. His tier 1 manifestation, as we all know, was mainly most definitely because Boboiboy got a concussion- but! Here's the thing; I don't think the concussion is why Thorn acts the way he does (though it's probably a part of it). I think, Thorn is just unmasked. The others all mask on some level, but Thorn just, doesn't. He doesn't really care how others might perceive him if he does 'childish' things or says things that no-one else understands because they didn't make the same connections he did, and he certainly doesn't care that deadpan telling someone their outfit is terrible might hurt their feelings, it doesn't even occur to him. He doesn't mask at all.
Solar. Again, technically manifested during battle. However once again we are ignoring that. It was established that the manifest condition for Solar (as Light), was for the elemental master (Boboiboy) to "expand their knowledge", and "read more". And, well, I know Boboiboy specifically read a bunch of science and history books and stuff, but honestly I don't think it really would've mattered what he chose to use to expand his knowledge, because Solar's main autistic trait is special interest. Because Boboiboy mainly focused on science and stuff, that became Solar's special interest, hence why he rambles off about formulas and stuff, and why he likes doing experiments. He hyperfixates on that stuff.
now. i could do the fusions... but honestly i haven't thought about the fusions enough to draw conclusions, so we're sticking with this
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canmom · 5 months ago
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Hello! I absolutely love your blog, everything from your festival recounts to animation analysis and programming (one of tumblr's recommended posts was the one where you made your own rasteriser, and I liked your attitude in what I've read so much that I'm gonna attempt to conquer my 3-year-long grudge against using opengl during college and do something similar now that I'm a bit older and have no deadlines :D).
But anyway, I have 2 questions (sorry if there's easily accessible answers, tumblr search is not helping): 1. During your animation nights, does the screen stay black while everyone watches their own video while you provide commentary? I haven't caught any yet but maybe someday! And 2. do you have any youtube channels or just one-off video essays that you like that also cover animation/directors? Or, even programming lol.
Sorry for the long ask have a nice day!
hiii! i'm very touched that you like my dorky eclectic blog <3
For the Animation Nights, I just stream the video over Twitch from local sources on my computer, typically by playing the video in mpv and recording it in OBS. This is obviously not ideal from a video quality perspective, but it's the easiest way to watch video in sync without making everyone download files in advance. Then we all chat in the Twitch chat box (in large part to crack stupid jokes, it's not that highbrow lmao). I've gotten away with it so far!
As for youtube channels, I can recommend...
anime production/history (i.e. sakuga fandom)
SteveM is likely the most sakuga-fan affiliated anituber. He makes long, well-researched and in-depth videos on anime history, usually themed around a particular director or studio.
Pyramid Inu might be my fave anituber - very thoughtful analysis of Gundam, obscure mecha anime and oldschool BL and similar topics. tremendously soothing voice too.
The Canipa Effect does excellent deep dives into the production of specific shows, both western and anime. I appreciate the respect he gives to the Korean animators of shows like AtlA in particular!
Sean Bires's 2013 presentation on sakuga is pretty foundational to this whole subcultural niche, and a great place to get an introduction to the major animator names to know and significant points in the history of anime. unfortunately a couple of the segments got slapped down by copyright but the rest holds up!
animation theory (for animators and aspirants)
I'm going to focus here on resources that are relevant to animation in general, and 2D animation. if I was going to list every Blender channel we'd be here all week :p
New Frame Plus is one of the best channels out there for game animation, describing in tightly edited videos how animation principles work in a game context and analysing the animation of various games. highly recommend
Videogame Animation Study is similar, examining the animation of specific games in detail
the 'twelve principles of animation' (defined by Disney's Ollie Johnston and Frank Thomas) remain the standard approach to animation pedagogy; there are various videos on them, but Alan Becker (of Animator vs Animation) has quite a popular series. I haven't actually watched these but many people swear by them! Dermot O'Connor expands the list to 21. Note that some of the terminology can be a little inconsistent between different animators - c.f. 'secondary motion'...
Dong Chang is an animator at Studio NUT, who produces a lot of fantastic, succinct videos on standard techniques in the anime industry, timesheet notations, etc. etc. Studio Bulldog, a small anime studio, are a good complement; they focus more on douga than genga and are generally a bit more traditional.
programming
big topic here, I'm going to focus on game dev and tech art since that's my field. but also some general compsci stuff that's neat
SimonDev - graphics programmer with a bunch of AAA experience, fantastic explanations of advanced optimisations and some of the more counterintuitive aspects of rendering
Acerola - graphics programmer who makes very detailed guides to a variety of effects with a very rapid and funny 'guy that has seen monogatari' editing style. When he's good, he's really good. His video on water is probably the best one I've seen (though I can recommend a couple of others).
TodePond - the most charming, musical videos about recursion and cellular automata you've ever seen. less programming tutorial and more art in themselves.
Ben Eater - known for his breadboard computer series, a fantastic demonstration of how to go from logic gates up to the 6502 with actual hardware. worth watching just for how clean he puts the wires on his breadboards like goddamn man
Sebastian Lague, Useless Game Dev - both do 'coding adventure' style videos where they spend a few weeks on some project and then document it on Youtube, resulting in a huge library of videos about all sorts of fascinating techniques. great to dive into
Freya Holmér - creator of the 'shapes' library, makes videos on mathematical programming, with gorgeously animated vector graphics. Her video on splines is a particular treat.
There are definitely many more channels I can recommend on these subjects, but I'll need to dig into my history a bit - unfortunately I need to rush out right now, but hopefully that should be good to be getting going with!
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maxcatz · 16 days ago
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raine whispers body + general headcanons and kind of a redesign !!! or just how i view them idk !!!!!!
shirtless warning idk also there’s a 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 joke in here
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some yap below if you please
* I read a post a while back from @/dazeddoodles about how their body type would be muscular but it’s hidden underneath some chub and I really liked that idea but I don’t really know how to incorporate that into my drawing because I cannot draw muscle for the life of me so bear with me
* I kinda wished the witches in TOH had more animalistic features so that’s why I gave them the bat ears, tail and the ear tufts - also I thought the bat ears would be cool and them having more bat like abilities like echolocation (I hc that bards have more sensitive ears than most witches and better hearing so that’s also part of it)
* The rings and piercings are just because they’re a little queer critter (they take their rings off around eda dw)
* The alto clef tattoo is because they play the viola (ITS NOT A VIOLIN.) and the star tattoo is them matching with Darius & Eda hehe
* I honestly liked their pre time skip hair color more so I added some more of that
* I gave them a stubble because I hc that they went on testosterone (and top surgery scars)
* Around 5’6 but wears heels to appear taller (i’m bad at incorporating height into my drawings shh)
some silly headcanons
• Listens to all types of music, like they can find appeal in literally anything
• Produces their own music alongside working with the coven heads for the government and stuff (the art that Dana made of them and the BATTs going through their vinyls rotates through my head forever)
• Fav season is winter/autumn, they despise being to hot especially at night (I hc that the boiling isles has a warm climate because of the boiling sea so it gets really hot there during the summer)
• Horror movie geek + likes a lot of crime podcasts that they ramble to Eda & Darius about
• Likes Peanuts (not the actual nut as in Charlie Brown) and Muppets
• Love language is physical touch (yapped about in a different post and it won’t let me link it for some reason)
• Talks with their hands a lot and sometimes hits people in the face on accident (they feel terrible afterwards)
• Autistic, normally gets fixated on music related things and will buy every CD or record they can find of their current favorite artist
• Really good at flirting but sometimes they do it on accident and they’re really confused when Eda/Darius are flustered as fuck from something they said
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nvuy · 6 months ago
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How do you write so well? I'm trying to get into writing because I YEARN to create, but it is very difficult. Do you have any tips? I try and create, but it feels like there is a brick wall in my brain 😫 I also struggle to come up with ideas 😭😭
oh worm thank you so much im so honoured… i don’t want to just say ‘practise,’ even though that is half of quite literally improving in anything.
i am going to long post now. you’re welcome. this is my little guide to writing. in no way am i saying my writing is perfect and world class five stars, but this is just some things i learned along the way that helped me get better!!!
now this is all assuming considering you read my works that you also want to write reader inserts, but even if that’s not the case, i think all this stuff applies to normal writing as well.
what i do like to think is that ‘good writing’ is very very subjective. for example, i prefer much more philosophical pieces, ambiguous endings, extensive world building, and things like that, and i like to put it in my writing.
however, what you may like about my writing could be what someone else absolutely hates. not everyone can be bothered to read 4 pages on a heavy description of a quiet deserted street in the rain, or a dusty old library , or the bustling atmosphere of a cafe. some writers like to do scenarios without fully developed plots. some do.
WRITING IN A NUT SHELL
what really helps is to find where you lie on this spectrum. do you prefer overtly poetic descriptive writing, or straight to the point, no beating around the bush? or does it depend?
i know it’s sounds taxing to write heavy descriptions and worldbuilding and this and that, but if you like to read it, chances are you may also like to write it yourself.
this is a tip i lowkey thought was common sense, but i’ve spoken to moots on discord and other platforms about it, and a lot of writers just… don’t know about it?
basically it’s that A First Draft is a First Draft. this has been said time and time again. j.r. tolkein didn’t write LOTR in a day, rowling did not write the entire harry potter series in one shot. nobody did that.
as well as this, my first drafts never start out as fully fledged stories. most of them look like this:
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notice the obnoxiously large gap in between? yep! two entirely different scenes, but under the same concept. you don’t need cohesion in your drafts. that comes with time. get all your ideas down first.
my first drafts are awful. they’re absolute dogshit. most of the time, i abandon a lot of my works altogether. but i never delete anything, because sometimes i may come back and suddenly get inspiration again.
most of my first drafts look like this:
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notice how it lacks with everything. there’s no flavour here. it’s incredibly dialogue heavy, and it’s clearly supposed to have some sort of surreal feeling to it.
come back to it later only when i feel like it and rewrite it only when you feel like it:
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same concept, same exact scene, but now it has more emotion. because i’ve written it a second time, or maybe even a third, or fourth (anymore than that, and im sorry, but drop it. it’s doing you more harm than good). so many people hit this writers block because they want their first draft to be perfect and it won’t ever be.
don’t focus on the itty bitty details. get the idea down first. you can always come back later. it really really helps to get out of ruts and stuff.
another thing: You Don’t Need To Start With Writing Fanfics Right Away. and i wouldn’t recommend it. not doubting you, or any other young bright-eyed writers, but fanfics are gruelling work that require lots and lots of planning.
i would honestly recommend getting started and finding comfort with one shots and/or headcanons, or drabbles, or whatever else short fics are called, because they require a lot less dedication, and it’s a lot more fun, because you can spring from one idea to another. majority of my works are short fics for a reason. it’s a lot easier to write, and i personally find it more enjoyable :) try it out!
IDEAS: WORLDBUILDING
(this next segment is assuming your fic wants to take place in a different area than canon) (otherwise, check out descriptions/images/videos of the place your world is supposed to be set in!! same idea!!)
if you’re unsure about worldbuilding and what exactly this place you’re creating is supposed to look like or how it might function, browse pinterest! there’s so many real and/or fake & rendered places on that site. is your area really cold and constantly snowing? search up some art with those key words. it could help you gain a clearer image!
let’s use an example: say the world im building my fic is based in a very cold, always snowing, always icy town. we go on pinterest, have a bit of a look around, and then we go Ooh this looks interesting!!
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this is a painting by alexander andriyanov.
who are these people? where are they? what’re they doing? is horseback and carriage their primary mode of transport? do these people have access to vehicles like cars? do cars exist in my world at all? what are the surrounding buildings? etc etc.
TLDR: what im trying to say is if it helps you, look at something, listen to music, watch a movie, and then ask the question How Do I Make This About Me?
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this speedpaint by darek zabrocki helped me get an idea of what snezhnaya in my multi chapter fic on ao3 was supposed to look like. obviously snezhnaya isn’t released in genshin just yet, so it allows me a lot of creative freedom in that regard.
you can always always use other people’s works as inspiration. why do you think so many songs these days use samples from older tracks? it’s basically the same thing. obviously, don’t downright copy, that’s plagiarism, but seriously. if you’re struggling to create this world in your head, pinterest is your best friend.
IDEAS: PLOTS & THE CENTRAL CONFLICT
in terms of coming up with actually plot ideas, i said it before and i’ll say it again. movies, shows, games, other people’s stories, other fanfics/books, paintings and other forms of artwork, history, etc.
if you’re writing a fanfic, most writers like to take the canon route, and you’re welcome to do that.
if you’re worried about your own ideas being lacklustre or you can’t think of anything, but the canon storyline is good for your fic, canon divergence is always fun!
for example! i haven’t posted it here, but i always did have this idea of a neuvillette centric fic based on the love letter he received in one of the world quests. so you take something that happened in the game, and then you ask AGAIN: How Do I Make This About Me?
in terms of thinking up an entirely different idea or concept or prompt or whatever you want to call it, there’s honestly no right or wrong way of doing it. it’s really, really difficult though. i have so many ideas that are more suitable for one shots that fully fledged fanfictions.
again, read books you like. read other people’s works. read lore of the fandom you’re writing about, or better yet, sometimes i go off of a fleeting thought that a random NPC said at some point in the storyline that had little to no effect on the story.
what constitutes as a good plot and a bad plot is a matter of opinion. as long as there’s evident improvement (or the opposite, if that’s your fancy) of your characters in your story, whether that be their personality, relationship with others, or whatever, then you’ve successfully written a cohesive narrative.
how most of my works start is actually because i randomly come up with one scene in my head that haunts me. i call them Brain Rots™.
for example, in my scaramouche fic on ao3, the scene that started the entire thing was of some sort of solider that presented a ring to the doctor in a very cold and barren wasteland.
and then i asked, what is the significance of this ring? is the solider injured? should the doctor care? why are they there in the first place? where is this place? where do they go after this?
hopefully you get the picture.
TLDR: figure out what makes your Brain Rot™ about the particular scene that’s playing on repeat in your head, find your inspiration through any sort of media you enjoy consuming that you find directly links to your ideas (because most likely if you enjoy something, you’ll be inspired by it more than you would with something you actively don’t like) (and this ‘media’ ranges from pictures, real life anecdotes/stories, video games, other fics, music, art, etc.), ask questions (How Do I Make This About Me), and then answer them yourself!!!!
and also just practise and practise and practise!!! you will subconsciously develop new skills by consuming media and reading other people’s works that you really like. it all comes with time :) !!!!!
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yandere-romanticaa · 11 months ago
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To the anon who was asking abt sex! Here’s my two cents based off of experience..
1. Cockwarming is not like,,, pleasurable. Like when I read fics abt it and the reader is all squirmy and whatever it really doesn’t make sense. If the guy isn’t moving then it doesn’t really feel like anything, and it gets a little uncomfortable after a few minutes of no movement. It’s kinda like using a tampon. I definitely think that the pleasure derived from this is more mental than physical. Only the guy really gets anything physical out of it.
This kind applies to vibrators too. Like internal vibrators are not crazy stimulating but it is enough to make you distracted. But to each their own I suppose.
2. Sex in general. Internal stimulation (P in V) is good, and if I had to describe it I would say it feels like a bruise repeatedly. It’s hard to describe. Like it hurts but not in an ‘ow’ way, it feels good. Definitely a feeling that gets the legs shaking after repeated thrusting against that spot.
BUT, I cant finish without stimulation to my clit. It’s definitely different for everybody, but in my case I need clitorial stimulation or else it just feels like I’m on the edge the whole time (which, by the way, is a very unsatisfying feeling).
And thrusting it all in like in one go isn’t possible, remember that your vagina is one giant muscle, and when you stretch a muscle to hard and fast it strains and it doesn’t feel good. Foreplay is very helpful bc it loosens you up first, but even then you can’t force it in at one go. You kinda gotta start with the tip first and use short movements to slowly fit the whole thing in.
AND YES!!! THE STRETCH HURTS!!!! If you aren’t prepared properly or your partner just shoves it in it feels like your skin is being stretched (like a rubber band being stretched so much that it’s about to snap) and it’s a sharp pain and you could tear. SO FOREPLAY MATTERS!!!!
3. Cervix stuff… 😭😭😭 Guys. You can NOT thrust into the cervix. These fics are LYING TO YOU!!! It’s literally like trying to thrust through bone, the cervix is hard and even inserting thin items like a Q tip fucking HURTS. Unless it’s like monster fucking with ovipositors then it’s just straight unrealistic. A díck can NOT push through.
Some women find it painful even when their cervix is just thrusted against. (It doesn’t hurt for me so I don’t mind but majority of all the gals I’ve spoken to DONT like it. One of my friends even threw up during sex one time from the pain.)
4. Mind break. Not a real thing. Sorry. After so many rounds, no matter how high your drive is, the sex just starts to feel uncomfortable. Don’t push yourself past that point, listen to your body and know your limits. Because once it feels uncomfortable it kinda starts to hurt. This applies for the guys too. It just stops feeling good after a while and you leave that sort of lust-haze and become very lucid (post-nut clarity LMAOOO), which also makes you feel the discomfort even more.
So yeah, mind break via sex just isn’t a thing because your body literally has a limit. Overstimulation is real but your body has limits for that too. Like after so many orgasms I can’t touch my clit or it feels like a sharp pain. (Again, everyone is different but that’s just me)
And yeah. That’s all I can rlly think of.
This was an interesting read!!!!! I think that smut may or may not have poisoned my brain a little bit so this felt like a breath of fresh air. Of course, one should never take smut too seriously as it is primarily for entertainment, but it really does feel like things can mess you up if you're an inexperienced pookie such as myself!
Truth be told, sex scares me. Like, a lot.
I am in my early 20's and there is this societal expectation that I need a boyfriend. I also live in a fairly conservative country which honestly doesn't help me at all. And it's low key expected from couples to just go at a few months into the relationship, sometimes even after a few weeks depending on the person. That's how most of my friends/acquaintances did it anyway.
Just the thought of a man seeing me so naked and vulnerable like that, it brings tears to my eyes. It legit scares me so much. Buddy, if you see me in my birthday suit you are NOT going anywhere LMAO, you'll have to marry me, I'm sorry -
I've been called an uptight and boring prude for having this kind of mentality and I get it. But I can't help it, I just can't. I don't think I'll ever be able to have that kind of physical connection with anyone unless I know them inside and out 😓 I'm too scared and too insecure for my own good... I also have a few stretch marks on my stomach, which I really hate, I really do. I don't think I could handle the humiliation of another person ever seeing them.
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z0mbi3k1d · 8 months ago
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Romanticizing life Part 4
Food ⋆.ೃ࿔*:・୭ 🧷 ✧ ˚. ᵎᵎ 🎀
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This is just gonna be abt healthy food swaps and things different foods can do for you, I'm not promoting Ed at all!!
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Only do these if you want to, you should enjoy your life. That means don't do food swaps all the time, treat yourself! To be honest I probably won't do any of these because I'm happy with my body and don't have too, you should be happy with yourself too!
Eating Healthy 🍓
It is important to eat healthy! It can do lots for your body, skin, and mood, I'm going to give you some healthy food swaps and tasty snacks to help!
Toxic things to get out of your head 🐇
Before I'm going to share these it's important to me that you don't use this unhealthy, stop telling yourself these things
"I need to eat healthy to loose weight"
No, you don't. All bodies are shaped different and process food differently, allergies for example. Not everyone has allergies so what makes you think everyone processes all food the same? You can still be healthy without 'looking healthy'
"I'll only eat for energy, not taste"
Man just enjoy your life 😭 I see ppl say this a lot but it doesn't make sense. Break your shell and try more foods and flavors, enjoy yourself
"I have to look like them"
Nuh uh! You're hotter 💋
Remember if you wouldn't say it to a bunny DO NOT SAY IT TO YOUR SELF‼️‼️
Food swaps 🍡
Here's some food swaps for you!
Sugary cereal ~ Oats with fruit
Ice cream ~ acai bowl
Coffee ~ matcha/Chai
Chips ~ Popcorn
White bread ~ sourdough
My personal favorite healthy foods 🧁
I'd consider myself a pretty picky eater so when it comes to healthy foods this is what I eat
I love all fruits strawberries, blueberries, bananas ect. Fruits are great bc you can do lots with them, you can make smoothies, put them in yogurt or just eat them normally
Peanut butter, okay so I'm not a huge fan but there's a lot you can do with peanut butter and you an make really healthy stuff with it
Granola, guys granola is soooo good I used to eat the bars and they had honey on them too it was so good
Honey is also good but yk
Hummus.. Lowkey feel like a nerd for saying I like it but I do. If you wanna be healthy with it you could use cucumbers!
Cucumbers>>> squash (I hate squash it's so disgusting :p)
Tuna, it has like Idk it's good for you in some ways I wasn't really listening to my father when he was talking abt it
I love nuts!! I think they're a good quick snack
I'd you don't like water get some of the flavors things, they have energy and low cal ones
Apparently dark chocolate is gold for you too sooo
Salmon is also healthy hehe >:)
Chia seeds barley taste like anything so put them in your yogurt or something
TEA TEA IS SOOOOOO GOOD
Things foods can do for you 🍮
Idk how much of this is true but I'm not gonna gatekeep just in case
Dark chocolate can
Holy crap apparently it can protect against UV rays?? 😭😭
It fights tooth decay
And it's a brain food
More brain food
Nuts
Avocados
Eggs
Chia seeds
Fruits
I'm telling you fruits are good for anything and they're sweet!!! They are perfect!!! (If you don't like fruit consider yourself an opp)
Thanks for reading!! 🩷🩷
Thanks for reading!! Have a great day, remember to eat what you want and stay happy!! I love you my sweet angels!! 🩷🩷
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ultimate-marysue · 2 months ago
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I just love how we, as a fandom, can make the Batfamily's relationships as complicated or simple as we want.
Want to make a silly little Joke? Yeah, you can say Damian and Tim hate each other like siblings do or that Jason has daddy issues. It's an oversimplification but not incorrect, and addressing all nuances kinda ruins the comedic timing.
You want to make a fluffly fic? Well, they all love and care for each other. Again, we're ignoring a lot but fuck off, life is hard and sometimes you just want to lean on the nicest interpretation of fictional characters. You're feeling angsty? Well you have plenty to work with too. Like yes, they love each other but by god do they fuck Up and it's rarely ever addressed. Go nuts making Bruce the absolute worst.
You want to write a longer fic exploring their relationships or a meta? You have so many options! You can take only part of canon ignoring ooc stuff or retcons, you can make that stuff fit into the characters psychology, you can take into account the intent of the writers/their biases or take all the canon as it is.
I really like the Batfamily/DC because as a fan, you have the possibility of playing with canon in many different ways. You can also do completely out of character stuff somehow, which is hard considering the amount of canon options we have, but that's less positive so let's ignore that for this post!
I just think it's a really fun fandom to play around. Even if I lean more towards psychoanalyzing canon/playing with canon implications/discussing how to interpret conflicting canon, I also love silly incorrect quotes and reading fluff/angst that's very selective with what's considered canon. There are so many enjoyable options!
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pianokantzart · 1 year ago
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I always love it when I read fanfictions, and they portray Luigi and Peach's friendship as either besties or Peach treating Luigi like a little brother (especially if its a Mareach story).
I always wanted to see something like that in the games, but alas.
My theory regarding the game universe is that, while Luigi and Princess Peach are friendly with each other, their difference in status has an effect on their relationship... that Luigi's self consciousness prevents him from trying too hard to make friends with her out of fear of "overstepping his bounds."
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In many of the Mario Party games, the Luigi-Peach teamup is called "Green Escort," which about sums it up. They like each other, but Luigi sees her safety as a heavy responsibility, which puts a dent in his ability to loosen up enough to be anything resembling a "bestie."
Mario, in the meantime, is not only far more relaxed by nature, but he's gone through a lot of bs to for Peach's sake... the kind of stuff that'll take a hammer to pretty much any hierarchical rift. And even then their relationship is only hinted at in terms of what we see on screen. In the end, it's up to fanfic writers to fill in the gaps.
HOWEVER... I do see Luigi's Mansion 3 as the end-all and be-all of mainline Mario game characterization, and while the game begins with Luigi minding his own business while his brother engages the princess in friendly conversation, by the end there's revealed to be a closeness between Peach and Luigi that goes beyond just the responsibility of protecting her. First of all, Luigi goes in to hug Peach alongside Mario after rescuing her, which is HUGE.
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Second, when King Boo reveals himself, Princess Peach instinctively reaches out her arms to defend Mario and Luigi alike.
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TL;DR: I agree with you! I love seeing interpretations of a close Peach and Luigi friendship, and I especially love seeing Peach treat Luigi like a little brother... but like many things in the Mario game universe, that's something that gets expounded on through fandom rather than what we are actually allowed to see in canon. My interpretation is that Luigi's a bit of a tough nut to crack. He's Mr. Anxiety, overthinking and overly self conscious. He's kind to everyone and wants to do what's right, but that includes... like I said... not overstepping his bounds. Princess Peach– being the one of higher status– would have to go out of her way to let him know how much he means to her as a friend before he relaxes enough for them to actually get close. Though I do hold out hope that maybe one day we'll get more Luigi-Peach platonic moments in the games... just a tiny sliver more than those split second instances in LM3. Please.
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adachimoe · 3 months ago
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Adachi's Mistake
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One of the things that is never explained and seemingly left intentionally vague is Adachi's mistake.
After you hear his stupid bullshit on December 7th, he invites you to come find his real self, and you find him inside the TV. While he certainly says a lot of bullshit, I think this line is actually true. Adachi not taking his job seriously (implication being to the extent of messing up) is a recurring thing in the game, so much that him preparing Namatame to be transferred is something Dojima finds out of character or too serious for him.
Some of the meta text about the game (e.g. Adachi's character profiles) also mention him being transferred due to a mistake he made. So, while he does say a lot of bullshit, I think there's some truth to his mini-rant about this.
But what's the mistake he made? Hmm. I've read a lot of interviews and other meta stuff, and... I dunno lol. It doesn't seem to be in any of the stuff I've read. It seems fun to headcanon and speculate about. Maybe he did the exact same shit he's been doing in Inaba but his old boss was less tolerant than Dojima?
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It seems that when this topic comes up amongst westerners, people automatically assume Adachi shot someone? That feels more like being American and assuming every country is America lol. And if we're being painfully realistic, he's a plain clothes detective so he wouldn't be carrying a gun to begin with unless it was a situation where it was deemed necessary that he should have one. (Also, I think I've posted about this before, but if Adachi is really just a gun nut, why the heck did he even become a plain clothes detective? Uniformed officers who work in the field would be more likely to carry one.)
I also think about the situation surrounding and reaction to Abe's assassination 2 years ago. Part of why that was such a huge spectacle is because gun violence there is very different (a lot lower). It gives me the impression that "a police officer accidentally shoots someone" would've been seen as a more major thing. In contrast, Adachi believes the mistake he made was something small, and the meta descriptions written about him in booklets seem to agree with this.
As far as civil servant transfers go in general, I am an idiot and went to read up about that on some Japanese websites. They occur every year around March/April and maybe again in the fall (matches up with Adachi saying he came to Inaba in the spring). It also seems pretty normal for civil servants to get transferred every 3-5 years, though things like "causing problems" can justify why you would get transferred.
Given that it's Adachi, maybe he didn't go drinking after work with his coworkers enough times and he gave them bad vibes so he got transferred, bwaha. Though he did go to New Year's Eve parties, so maybe he was actually a bit more social than I'm thinking...?
Random: I have learned that these "unexplained events" are called "noodle incidents", and I am shocked I recognized the reference... my older brothers used to read Calvin and Hobbes!
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archivalofsins · 5 months ago
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I'm glad I don't look in the tag like the shit that passes my dash is like stuff I know, and then Mikoto being hypersexualized on a bimonthly basis with the implied impression that it's fine as long as it's a male being sexualized. I have no stake in it one way or the other. If that's fun to some, it's just fun, and I'm certain other characters are sexualized just as much in different circles. Maybe I'm just lucky enough not to have seen that.
Yet that again would be due to people recognizing subconsciously or not that hypersexualizing certain characters of the cast is problematic on some level. I don't see this sort of discussion as often around Yuno despite the content within her music videos. I don't see it around Mahiru or Kotoko as much either. This is excluding every other character that was a child when Milgram started all together.
This may sound like a complaint or a dig at this fandoms ethics, but it isn't because literally most fandoms treat male characters like this. This isn't something the Milgram fanbase created or anything it's quite common.
It's why Persona 5 wrote those story beats around Ryuji how they did- Because when sexual harrassment happens to a man in fiction it's comedy when it happens to a woman in fiction it's either horror or very notably a moral failing on the one doing it. Or maybe again I've just gotten lucky and haven't read a lot of egregious shit in that regard.
The way all fandom tends to hypersexualize men in general is a byproduct of how the sexual issues of men are discussed in media and ignorance. The same as it is when it comes to hypersexualization and caricaturing of female characters past and present as well. I don't want this to come off as me saying being overly sexualized is a male issue alone. Because it's not. This is a very reductionist explanation of sexualization in media, something that affects all genders differently.
There's much more to it than what I'm saying here. Plus, not everyone does this with the intent of demeaning a character or reducing them to their sexual appeal alone. Some people just find a design sexy or aesthetically appealing that's pretty reasonable. Displaying why that is- is reasonable as well.
However, when that is put alongside comments like "I'd never judge a female character like this, of course, I have some class." It starts to make me raise an eyebrow just a bit. Like, I end up wondering like um why not though?
Hate to be openly pansexual (no i don't this is hyperbole) but um, women are hot, lol. What does no one else think so? Is it bad to point out the features of the Milgram women too. I'm sorry but Mahiru is hot she dresses well and homely she has a decent figure and she is not lacking in the chest department.
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It really comes down to preference at the end of the day. Am i going to sit here and say Mikoto looks average? No, like Mikoto, Kazui, Mahiru, and Shidou are all genuinely attractive and can be somewhat charismatic people. Ya know something that a good few murderers are. That's kind of the point of them being the adults of the group.
They are the end result of everyone here younger than them and are more than likely the best at what they do.
Outside of that, it would be weird of me to hold anybody to a certain standard when it comes to what they're attracted to in fiction. Unless they are romanticizing a criminal act or a child. Gotta make that really clear. Since that isn't really occurring here, it is kind of free game. Go nuts, really.
I just find it interesting that everything a person would ethically have an issue with someone doing to a character that's a woman has been done to Mikoto with reckless abandon.
From hyperfocusing on the measurements of his body, overtly sexualizing him regardless of how covered up he is, making assumptions about his romantic or sexual preferences. It's like everything that would make anyone rightfully a creep if they did it to a woman whether that be in real life or in fiction has been done to this one fictional dude to the point it technically happens in cycles. I can tell when a month has ended based on if this man's body is being talked about sometimes, and I shouldn't be able to do that at any time.
It's impressive. I need to note again that I'm not saying this because I'm a prude or to protect Mikoto's very nonexistent innocence. It's just a funny and interesting double standard to look into within any fandom, not just this one. I know it's all in good fun, and this isn't meant to call it out or anybody in any way.
It's just meant to be me going,
"Hey, this is a funny thing that hasn't really been questioned that much that actually ties into other writing tropes in media that are pretty bad. Let's talk about it."
Even if it is not that deep.
Personally, I've always found it interesting as daughter of a guy that suffered interpersonal partner violence and being raised in a community where the sexual assault of both men and women is prominently discussed to see how men and women are sexualized not only in media but by fanbases. Of course, I'm way more interested in this when it comes to black people. However, when a good example of the differences is sitting right in front of me, it's hard to overlook it.
Better excuse, though- Mahiru is hot, too! Maybe stop talking about how she's delusional and instead discuss how she had low confidence and rejection sensitivity. Causing her to not understand what she was doing was too much for the situation as well as made it difficult for her to let the fact that she was not accepted by someone she liked go. Similarly to Mu.
Like maybe this line from This Is How To Be In Love With You deserves a bit more focus,
"What do you think? I know it's not the type of question you want to be asked."
A common question for one to ask their partner about the outfits they put on.
Or this one in I Love You,
"Sigh... No appetite, I can’t sleep, my hair’s a mess. What am I supposed to do now? If you won’t tell me, I can’t be me."
I'm not hungry, I can't sleep, and worst of all- I'm not even looking good right now. Yeah fuck it actually this is a Mahiru appreciation post now that woman served this community several different outfits and this bastard only gave two fuck Mikoto stop complimenting this man for his cycling body.
Yeah, he's fit. We know! The man bikes to work to stay in shape and practices swinging a bat when angry.
But guess what-
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Mahiru jogs, and she even has a cute jogging outfit. We've never even seen this man on a bike. Let alone in a cycling outfit.
Q.04 Are you picky when it comes to fashion?
Mikoto: Of course I am. Nobody would want to ask for anything from an unfashionable designer, right?
Oh, you're picky huh. People wouldn't ask for anything from an unfashionable designer, yeah... So, why does Mahiru Shiina's first music video look like a fashion catalogue-
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While all we see from you is you putting your clothes where they belong,
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Sorry, I got heated there. It's not a fashion competition because we clearly know who would win that. Long story short, Mahiru has a cute design too.
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dootznbootz · 10 months ago
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Aspec Penelope and Odysseus mean a lot to me and I want to ramble about it as it makes me really happy 🥺
If you don't like, don't read! Someone being aspec or sex-repulsed or sex-neutral is not insulting allos or people who are sexually active!!! And even then, some aspecs ARE sexually active just like these two end up being! This is all headcanon and any aphobes will be yeeted into the wine-dark sea. (semi-inspired by epic the musical but also...not.)
Aspec Odypen!
Both are aspec, demisexual specifically and are just like that. While they ARE Athena's pets, she didn't "make them ace". (It may have influenced why she's fascinated by them alongside their cleverness)
Both have situations that make it somewhat different in how they experience it though. I'll have what they both experience first. (Kind of just explaining what it feels like being aspec in a way, except they're shittier about it) Then Penelope as her's needs less explanation. For once in my life, Penelope isn't the one with the most stuff on her 😭
"Oh that person's very strong! Impressive! Oh, wait, is this supposed to be sexual? ...hm...Alright, I guess."
"Alright, I posed this way and looked at them like this and they seemed more open to this idea. Taking note for manipulation..."
"Goddamnit, I don't want you, I want all that silver 😩"
*sees what takes place during certain events (Symposium-esque event)* "...Yeah, I'm not doing that."
Both are pretty in their own way and use that to their advantage to get the things they want. Both get almost weirdly offended when outwardly flirted with and/or propositioned. Kind of sex repulsed (that changes when with each other but before they never really even think about it as..."What is everyone talking about? What do you mean "needs"?")
Friends? Absolutely!!! Not knowing someone but getting to know them eventually? Yeah! But the idea of only wanting to date or have sex because of appearances genuinely perplexes them both. Also, they weirdly test people and are just straight up weird and picky.
"How stupid and naive can you be to wish to court someone you know so little about? A stranger? I look pretty only to get what I want and that's not you... Yeah, we definitely won't work out. I'm going to rob you to teach you a lesson in how looks can be deceiving. I'm pretty but I'm also shitty."
"...You want to do what?! ...uh, okay... You know, what? >:) I know a place. Yeah, us naiads use it. Yep, just around here. Yes! The water is perfectly safe! Don't worry about the leeches! They're harmless! Completely normal leeches" *Steals their clothes and jewelry and leaves them to the very not-normal leeches.* What? It's not like they died!!! They shouldn't have been so stupid to trust me knowing nothing about me!"
Both also have hubris as their flaw so they also have a very shitty superiority complex about this. Fellow aspecs, don't do this!!! It's not nice!!! These two are both mean and nice and this is one of the ways they're mean. Very "While you were out doing whatever, I studied the blade" bullshit. Also, a "Me being unaffected by beauty makes me better at manipulating. Look at how stupid they get when I look all pretty, Athena. I absolutely made them believe that that was a fair deal!!!" Athena kind of encourages this behavior
Meeting each other is a very humbling experience for them both. They both actually learn that there's nothing wrong with being vulnerable with people, just because THEY'RE likely to mess with you doesn't mean EVERYONE is.
Onto Penelope Specifics
For one thing, Penelope is used to people immediately going nuts over Helen and she doesn't mind having less of the attention. As mentioned before, doesn't happen often but when people wish to possibly date, she tests, then sees "okay, I don't see this happening. I'm going to fuck with you now". She'll also just start doing weird shit in a "you think you can handle me?" way.
Thankfully, Icarius and Periboea are chill AND somewhat overprotective so the footrace usually goes in her favor of "I do not like them." Until Odysseus but you know. She just sees she won't click with most people.
Icarius and Periboea have a pretty happy marriage and she thinks that's sweet. One of her siblings doesn't have a happy marriage sadly and that's a big thing later on but she sees Helen and Menelaus with their childhood sweetheart thing going on and the other nymphs and thinks "Guess that won't be happening for me...I can be a fun river auntie." As she's kind of planning to be dedicated to the rivers fully if she can.
She also was there when Helen got kidnapped by Theseus :'D That does affect her.
Her actually testing him the same way he does when they first meet is part of the reason he falls for her so hard. "You do the same shit I do. Not only that but you were actually able to trick me! Wait, that broach, are you also one of Athena's pets?! And now we're scuttling about the castle basically entirely intuned to exactly what we're gonna do?! Oh, gods, that was so fun! Ugh, be my WIFE! 🥴 Wait, no! Sorry I scared/lied/overwhelmed you! Please give me a chance"
Her not getting a lot of genuine romantic attention has influenced her a little bit though.
She's genuinely pretty but it's in an unconventional way (sharp teeth, weird eyes, "Born in a Creek", etc.) So while at first on Ithaca, she was considered very strange, as naiad ties get better with her influence and people get more used to her, it's a "Oh, shit, she IS pretty." Also, she aged like wine. Why the suitors wanted her (also yeah, "I want to be king") and why she just didn't want them. Ofc, she wants Odysseus but she's also just someone who is usually unimpressed. (as Odysseus is as well.)
Odysseus Specifics
Very much a hopeful romantic. His mom and dad have a very loving marriage, (I want to write a thing on their love story), and knowing how his dad never took a concubine (It literally says he doesn't in the Odyssey). He wants what they have.
"Being with someone who you can be your complete self with, show all the good and the bad to and still loving each other despite it all. That's love."
As someone who is a person of many twists and turns, he desperately wants to find someone to show ALL his sides to.
So first up we have the fact that he blames the fact that he's never felt sexual attraction on the boar scar injury. (Boar Scar Idea Stuff Here) It's easier that way as he doesn't necessarily want to think about himself as being different. It makes people "pity" him in the sense of "Oh, you poor thing, you're so beautiful but that boar ripped you apart so horridly. Taking away your ability to feel such things and leaving a disgusting scar."
It's very frustrating for him because he IS very beautiful and so people are attracted to him often. He wants to be left alone. He knows what he wants. Fuck off.
Ancient Greece was fine with Nudity but he, being quite ripped up and "not all there" by the boar, isn't really comfortable with it. People often stare and him, being hotheaded, he's like "What are you looking at? I'll kick your ass!". It's kind of a convenience though because it also makes people leave him alone.
He's had "one relationship" but it was basically just a kiss. He had a one-month romance with someone that ended badly.
Then OdyPen meets each other. >:D
Clarifying this as I know I talk about it a lot with how "Odysseus was in love at first sight" and... YEAH. but also not. It's more of a "This is the fucking best and I KNOW that we'd be incredible together." He chills out a bit as he got that ADHD (they both do) and was all up in his emotions. Other folks with ADHD know when you get too excited and just...become a LOT. It was that. He calmed down a bit and realized he WAS overwhelming her, STILL wants to marry her but isn't in love yet as they JUST MET. And they finally get to know each other more and then he actually falls in love.
Penelope was always somewhat intrigued by him but it was only when he chilled out a bit and let her lay the ground rules of them getting to know each other. And she was in deep denial, then she was hit by a truck when she couldn't deny it any longer.
During the War
He doesn't have any listed concubines (Hecuba was an old woman in her 60s-70s...Be reasonable.) and even in the Iliad, he thinks of Penelope often. And when offered, he threatens or just is passive-aggressive, and eventually people understand that "I wouldn't do that if I were you. He'll probably stab you."
With the fact that in the funeral games, he is mostly invested in getting the shiny and fancy ITEMS instead of winning for the pretty slaves. That also gives me big "I don't fucking care about that, WHERE'S THE MONEY?!"
With how Nauplius (Palamedes' father), tried to get Penelope to believe that "oh your Odysseus plans to replace you." and how she was like "pfft, fuck that. That's a load of shit. My Odysseus would never. Get outta my palace." that yeah, Penelope knows how he rolls.
With he's quite uncomfortable with Nausicca's crush on him despite her being young and beautiful.
Even in the beginning, the fact that he saw Helen, the most beautiful woman in the world, and was still like "eh...Ooooh, who's that woman over there that's causing chaos?". He's unaffected by beauty.
He leaves his tent alone in Book 10 of the Iliad. Like, I cannot stress enough how aspec Odysseus feels to me lol
Odypen already give Aspec vibes in the Odyssey but hearing "Man of the House" with Epic and that "She's who I saved my virginity for" was like an "YES! ASPEC!" and yeh :D He wasn't technically "saving it for her", he just never wanted it til Penelope.
Alongside "Done For" a lil bit!
"...I'm not sure I follow... What do you mean by lust? Penelope's not here...oh no..."
Idk makes me happy to write them aspec! 🥺
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softly-sirius · 11 months ago
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The Staff Of The Bear Dating Vampire Gn! Reader Headcanons:
Currently on Shift: Carmen Berzatto, Richie Jerimovich & Sydney Adamu
Carmen
At first, thought it was kinda weird that you had a mini fridge with a padlock in your room
You told him it was where you kept your vintage jeans
 Which was a complete lie, so when Carmen told you he collected jeans too? 
Well, you had to spend a lot of time researching on the computer to cover that lie up
Will make you blood-infused recipes to show you he accepts you
Red velvet cake with blood instead of beetroot
Honestly, would eat it as well
Ends up getting a little obsessed with making stuff the perfect texture
Asks you loads of questions about blood
What do you like about it? Do different types taste different? How do you like it prepared?
He wants to know everything about your preferences so he can make everything perfect
I think Carmy's vampire partner would struggle the most with being a vampire and not a human 
So eating the food Carmen makes you will make you tear up sometimes because it reminds you so much of being human
Kinda wants you to bite him, but also kinda does not
So So Nervous about it, but you never bring it up
You can hear his pulse racing when he’s stressed so you always know when he needs help
You’ll kiss his pulse point when you notice him stressing out
He washes his hands a million times when he’s back from work in case of garlic
Before he knew the secret he once brought you some garlic bread 
Your nose burnt for a week, your throat even longer
You couldn't bring yourself not to eat it when he gave you those eyes
Carmen has sunscreen for you in summer and insists on it even if it does nothing
The hot summer in Chicago just makes you extra exhausted and sluggish so you need to feed more
He knows when you’re slacking on your feeding and will make you blood puddings (now with real blood)
When he does pluck up his courage and ask about biting he finds out he kinda likes it
Loves it when your teeth scrape his most sensitive areas
He really likes it when you bite at the pudge of his stomach, though it isn’t the best spot for you to feed from
But your bites are more love bites than actually feeding from him
Overall, he is not as chill as Richie would be with a vampire partner, but that's because he isn’t chill about anything
He’s just happy someone likes him :’)
Richie
“You’re a vampire? My baby’s a vampire?”
He would love you to bite him, wants to see your teeth marks all over him
Was jealous for a while wondering where you were getting blood from
 Who were you biting? Did they taste better than him? 
He was not having that
Read that papayas make blood taste better so he starts eating them all the time
Starts taking iron tablets in case that tangy taste is what gets you going
‘Accidentally’ cuts himself in the kitchen to see your reaction. 
It’s minimal 
Eventually, he just gives in and is like, 
“Why have you not drunk from me yet?”
Moans when you bite him, it’s probs made him nut let's be real
Loves to have your bite marks all over him, on his thighs, his chest, his arms
Wants you to feed from him until he goes dizzy and can’t stand
Loses his mind when his blood drips from your lips and you stare at him all predatory
Turns red when you tell him how good he tastes
Enjoys being taken care of afterwards
Makes you watch Blade a million times
Calls himself your toyboy (even if you’re not that old a vampire or younger than him)
Whenever he sees bats he’ll tell you he saw one of your friends
Talks to the bats sometimes
Keeps blood in a wine bottle for you at the restaurant and loves to pour it for you and take care of you when you visit
Loves to cuddle up to you in summer because your body is nice and cold
The most interested in your ‘powers’ and asks you a million questions
“You or Godzilla, who would win?”
“Wait, so when you kept asking me to open all those jars?”
So smug when he realised how often you acted helpless just to get his help
Arm wrestles you all the time
Thinks if he catches you off guard he might win (Sometimes you let him)
He’s a loser, but he’s your tasty loser 
Sydney
Laughs when she finds out and thinks it’s a joke
Probably bails on you for a little while
But then ends up coming back like…
"I didn’t think i could be ok with it, but I would rather be with you than without you"
Is grossed out by it, so you drink blood in private
She does not want to be bitten
Is the least chill with it, but she loves you so she deals
Will feel for your fangs every time you kiss, but you keep them hidden away
She gets mad at you when you go out when it’s really sunny
Keeps shades and an extra hat in her bag because sometimes you just turn up
She’ll be waking around the city and you just appear and ask to hang out
She thinks it’s a kind of power
She just forgot she added you on Find My Friends
Then she realises she can use your powers for her gain
Uses you when shopping second-hand to check if stuff is real silver
Buys you a gothic ring with a bat on it mostly as a joke
But you wear it all the time, it melts her little heart
Loves,when you turn into a little bat, especially if you look like a fruit bat
She’ll cradle you against her chest and stroke your head with her fingers
Will carry you around in her bag all day if you want to
She doesn’t call you her vampire but thinks of you as her bat 
Thinks it’s pretty funny when you go as a vampire for Halloween every year
Especially when a drunk Richie starts complimenting how real your fangs are and pokes his fingers in your mouth
Is definitely not jealous that when Tina cut her finger during prep you had to step out of the room
Especially not when she sees the empty iron pouches in the trash
She knows they tide you over in emergencies till you can drink blood
Maybe she wants you to drink from her a little bit 
Perhaps you’ll get to taste her one day after all, just as a little treat
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