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chiimeramanticore · 3 months ago

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Part of the Band - Chapter 18 - Feels Like Home

Chapter summary: Dook and Beach Bear work on the car. Beach Bear plans an unexpected trip. Dook finds himself in a relationship. A/N:

TW in this chapter and in the upcoming one (ofc) for Beach Bear's transphobic parents/deadnaming/misgendering ! in this chapter it's all shared consensually between just dook and beach bear. apologies, I'll try my best to minimize the uncomfortable stuff in this little arc– but at the same time this is meant to be uncomfortable, especially for beach bear. bear with me on this one lol (or feel free to skip this arc entirely if it's something you don't want to read! it should only be this chapter and the next one) dw the back half of this chapter is like. entirely fluff. we both needed this

Chapter word count: 2,088 <- Chapter 17 - Chapter 19 -> Read it on AO3!

"Hey, Beach Bear, are you done yet?"

"Almost," Beach Bear says. Dook can't see him that well from the driver's seat of his car, as the hood put up blocks the view. They're sat in their driveway, working on trying to get the car functional again. After a few more moments, Beach Bear pulls the hood down and shuts it.

"Give 'er a try," he says, flashing Dook a thumbs-up. Dook's been trained for this moment– which is to say, they've tried this three times already and the car has not started. Still, he puts his foot down on the brake, adjusts his grip on the key sitting in the ignition, and turns.

The car rumbles to life, lights on the dashboard flashing and gauges turning back to where they once were. The radio turns on as well, the sounds of the Beatles coming through the speakers– but only for a few seconds, before the music starts to skip and play the last few moments on loop.

Beach Bear cheers at the sight of the car turning on again. He moves over to the passenger side of the car, entering through the back door. The front passenger door is still dented in, something they'll have to figure out how to fix or replace.

"Agh, turn that off," Beach Bear says, waving his hand toward the radio. "It's busted."

"The radio?" Dook asks.

"Yeah, turn the radio off."

"No, is the radio busted?"

"Oh, no. The CD's broken." Beach Bear starts to squeeze his way up to the front row. His long limbs and the fact that he's still not quite healed make it difficult, though, and he eventually resigns himself to the back row. "I had that on when I crashed," he says.

Dook turns the radio off and ejects the disc. Sure enough, it's scuffed. Unsure what to do with it, he just puts it down on the dashboard. He looks at Beach Bear through the mirror, who's now focused on trying to get himself comfortable in the back row. It's been almost two months now since everything happened. They've spent that time hopping between doctor's appointments, fixing the car, and band practice. Beach Bear's been out of work for most of it. They've eaten a lot of takeout, written a lot of music, a lot of which was bad.

Beach Bear can walk again now, just with a bit of a limp. He assures Dook his doctor says it'll go away, but it still worries him. After all this time, he's still not back to 100%. After all this time, Dook still sees those flickers of sadness in him. He can't shake the feeling he caused this. He can't shake the feeling that what he caused won't ever fully go away. That he'll look at Beach Bear long in the future and still see the scars of this. All because Dook couldn't keep his drinking in check for one night.

Whatever. It's not like he's gotten that bad since. He won't hurt Beach Bear like that ever again. That's what matters, right?

The car's been silent for a minute now. Beach Bear's found a way to lay himself down across the seats in the back, knees up. Dook can't see his face anymore, hidden behind the seats.

"...Hey, Dook," he says. His voice is twinged with the same tiredness Dook has come to recognize.

"Yeah?"

"Y'know what you said about, uh, no more secrets?" Beach Bear says.

Dook's stomach sinks. "Yeah. What is it?"

"Uhm..." Beach Bear sighs, draping an arm across his face. "So, uh, y'know how I've kinda been talking to my family again? Since they're sending me money and stuff."

"Yeah."

"I, ah... They want to see me," Beach Bear says. "They want me to come visit. I've been putting it off, 'cause I kept telling 'em I was too injured to go... But now I'm, like, better, and they're getting antsy... So... now's the time, I guess."

Dook breathes a sigh of relief. Beach Bear's just taking a trip, that's all. "How long's it gonna be?" He asks.

"A weekend," Beach Bear says. "We get there Saturday for dinner, leave Sunday after lunch."

"...Wait, 'we?'"

Beach Bear is quiet, for just a little too long. "I, uhm. They know you're living here," he says. "And they wouldn't let you stay if they knew you were just here without a job or whatever, so I, ah..." His voice lowers, as if saying it quieter would reduce the impact. "I told them we were dating."

Dook stares blankly at the dashboard. "You... what?" Why would he...?

"I know what it sounds like," Beach Bear says, sitting up. "It was the only thing I could think of to explain why I'd let you live here for free for so long."

"What about the truth?" Dook says, turning in his seat to look at him. How different is this from the truth, anyway? Does Beach Bear see him differently from the lie?

"The truth that I– I took in some guy off the street and made friends with him and started a band with him?" Beach Bear says. "That's hippie stuff! My parents would kill me!"

"Well, I–" Dook stutters a few times, at a loss for words. "I– I– What did you tell them?"

"I said we've been dating for like, eight months, or however long we've known each other now... I said I let you move in two months ago. I said we're–" Beach Bear flushes, breaking eye contact. "I said we were real happy together. The whole shebang, y'know."

Dook frowns for a second, then finds himself laughing.

"What?" Beach Bear says, still clearly embarrassed.

"No, nothin', I just–" Dook laughs some more. "It's funny, is all. That we gotta pretend to be in a relationship."

Beach Bear cracks a hesitant smile. "I guess it is, yeah."

"Why're they okay with you dating me?" Dook asks. "I'm a guy."

"That's exactly it," Beach Bear explains. "They still, ah. They still see me as a girl, so for me to be dating a guy, it's... normal, to them."

"It's crazy they see you as a girl," Dook says. "You look just like a guy. I never woulda guessed you weren't always a guy until you told me."

"Yeah, well. The marvel of modern medicine, as they say. And, a lot of practice."

Dook looks Beach Bear up and down, examining him. He wonders if maybe, his cool guy persona was created after all. Maybe it's natural to him now, as the rest of him is. But the way he describes himself... it feels earned. Maybe he's earned his life.

"...Are they gonna call you like, a she?" Dook asks quietly.

"Yeah," Beach Bear says, his smile fading. "Yeah. They're gonna call me another name, too."

Dook isn't sure if he should ask. It feels incredibly personal. But... he's going to hear it either way, right? Should he ask, for preparation's sake? He'd be lying if he said he wasn't at least a little curious, too...

"Uhm," he says, sheepishly. "What are they–"

"Beatrice," Beach Bear says. "That's my name."

"...Well, it's not, is it?" Dook says. "You don't use it anymore."

Beach Bear chuckles. "Yeah, I guess so. But... for the weekend, it's gonna be. I don't... want you to call me that, obviously. But they're gonna call me that. And I need you to go with it. It's gonna be annoying to hear it, but it's a lot safer if you call me Beatrice than Beach Bear while we're there. Alright?"

"... Alright," Dook says. He can't claim he understands all the intricacies of it, but he knows Beach Bear knows what's best for the situation.

"...Well. I think we're not gonna get any more work done today," Beach Bear says. "Feel like coming inside?"

"Yeah," Dook says. He gets out of the car, following Beach Bear into the house. Beach Bear pulls his shirt off upon entering, tossing it onto the couch. He continues walking through the living room, and down the short hallway towards his room. Dook follows him, stopping short at the threshold to the bedroom, as usual.

Beach Bear sits down at the right side of the bed, before noticing Dook still standing there. "What are you doing?" He says. "Come join me."

Dook swallows. "Okay." He enters the room, approaching the bed. Beach Bear lays down sideways across the bed. Dook sits on the left side and lays down the opposite way. They lay quietly for a while, Beach Bear's hands laid across his stomach, Dook somewhat stiff.

Dook rolls the conversation from earlier around in his mind. Beach Bear's old name... He wonders how many people know that secret. Does the Wolf Pack know who he used to be? Does the rest of the Rock-afire know? They don't, he imagines. Why would he give that information away? But why trust Dook with it? Is it simply out of necessity, or...?

"...Can I ask you somethin'?" He says.

"What's up?"

"Where'd you get the name Beach Bear?"

Beach Bear chuckles. "It's a stupid story," he says. "You wanna hear?"

Dook could listen to this guy read a phone book and still be interested. "Of course I wanna hear."

"Alright," he says. "When we moved to Florida, when I was a teenager, I was super excited to live near the beach for the first time. I'd never been to one before."

"Wait," Dook says. "I thought you said you grew up in California?"

"Huh? No," Beach Bear says. "I said I grew up on the west coast. I lived in Alaska."

"...Ohh. Huh." That explains a lot, actually. "Okay, keep goin'."

Beach Bear laughs. "I was super excited about living right by the beach," he continues. "I would go there like, every single day. I'd go after school on the weekdays, and spend all day there on the weekends, whenever I was allowed. After a while, I got into surfing, too. And I guess the other guys who hung out there often noticed how much I was there. But I hadn't made any friends yet, and no one knew who I was. They started calling me Beach Bear, just to have somethin' to call me. And by the time I got over being shy enough to actually talk to them, whatever my 'real' name was didn't matter. I was always gonna be Beach Bear to 'em.

"I guess I thought it was cool. To seem, like, anonymous. Have my reputation precede me. Whenever someone new started showing up at the beach, no one ever introduced me by anything other than Beach Bear. That's just what they called me. I don't really talk to any of them anymore. They've all moved on to other adult stuff, I guess. But I kept the name. They still call me Beach Bear, y'know?"

"That's how you introduced yourself when we met," Dook says.

"Heh, 'cause that's what everyone calls me!" He says. "I dunno if it counts as a 'real' name, or whatever. I never got around to thinking of anything better. To me, it just feels like my name."

"Feels like a name to me, too," Dook muses. "Do you need anything better?"

"I guess not," Beach Bear says. "It feels like home, that name."

Dook stares up at the ceiling, tracing the cracks with his eyes. Feels like home. He considers the thought. Maybe home isn't always what's given to you. Maybe family isn't always what's in your blood. Maybe your name isn't always what your parents came up with. Maybe you get to choose, if you want.

He thinks of his home. He loves his family, and he always will. Did he give them up? Did he make a mistake, leaving to become a musician? He loves his family, he loves his home, but... Here, lying in bed with Beach Bear... this feels like home, too. It feels like he belongs here. It feels like he belongs in the Rock-afire, too. As much as he misses home, this all can't have been a mistake. Not if this feels so safe.

Dook doesn't even think. He nudges his hand against Beach Bear's side. Beach Bear doesn't seem to think twice, either. He moves a hand from his torso to Dook's. For the first time, it's not just one hand placed over the other– they clasp each other, gently, but securely. Who cares what it means? It feels right. It feels like home.

#juno.pdf #part of the band #potb #rockafire explosion #rock afire explosion #rae #dook larue #beach bear #fanfic #fanfiction #next chapter is gonna go crazy. if u havent read this fic before im vibrating at speeds yet unheard of

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