#go anywhere else in their life.
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also. they are human. to be clear. they’re also just “not from around here” (earth)
#far future human companion babyyyyyy#they’ve never actually set foot on a planet before they meet the doctor. it’s a whole thing (<- is making this up as they type it)#deep space exploration. the kind of technology to Get You There but not fast enough that the people who started the journey will end it.#forgotten of course when that technology arrives. still drifting to their destination where humans have already made it.#because it cost more to go get them then to just let them coast to another galaxy.#born on a ship to die on a ship. and maybe the doctor arrives because something went Horribly Wrong. and that’s the only way they’ll ever#go anywhere else in their life.#knowing that they can’t go back. not for the usual ‘oh ill travel with you forever’ reasons but for more practical ones.#they will not be adjusted to the life that ship requires anymore. they would bring back diseases their fellow shipmates have lost immunity#to over generations. they will not be able to live on the same rations or the same limited air or the same awkward gravity.#the first week on the TARDIS is hell because they’re trying to recalibrate their body to Not Die the minute they touch down anywhere#let the doctor do some doctoring.#idk you see what im getting at here?#dw oc
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I want more horror like the thing where you're somewhere isolated like in the arctic or an oil rig or the deep mountains or a dead planet and you're studying sciencey things or doing something mundane and you come across Something™ and it's some nasty little creature/alien/??? and body horror and chaos ensues ouuuaarghgghghgh
#guess who's watching through a playthrough of still wakes the deep game#and it's reactivating my phase of trying to find all the movies like this hAHA#blood glacier and the thaw scratched that itch a bit#plus obviously alien franchise#and the first season of terror#honestly annihilation too kinda#life (2017) also is pretty fun#muffled laugh#rambles#-squints-#need to find me some books like this actually hm#edit: bless yall haha I wasn't looking for recs but thank you for them/I will check them out :0#oH! isolation (2006) is also very good#not exactly remote but it does take place on a farm and you don't go anywhere else
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ok im going to bed bc its late as hell here but i wanted to doodle parkciv finally
#here in artist civilization#parkour civilization#parkciv#little details in this i like are the shading differences in evbo and seawatt#seawatts shading is how everyone looks but after becoming god i like to think evbo like. just has flat almost cel shading#like hes insanely out of place. and his shading does NOT react to whatever lighting hes in. and he looks soo weird bc of it#evbos eyes go from green to tinted with the netherite purple :) based on a fic i read :) i thought it was neat :)#his stupid idiot protag ahoge turns into a weird halo thing.. uhm what else#oh yeah seawatt has a clock stuck on the back of his neck.. think like uhmm the idea that moles are where you died in a past life#but its LITERALLY a mark of how you died. like it can be anywhere on the body but its a mark of how you died. so seawatt has a clock bc#you know. The Race.#SPEAKING OF SEAWATT DETAILS post-revival he has like. no eye colour. its blank#his eyes are still clearly defined but its still Nothing There#if he was the first to be revived itd freak people out but i imagine evbo was dragging his feet when it came to seawatt#parkciv evbo is a hater at his core what can i say. well to me he is#ok done yapping my cat demands i get off my pc and sleep so she can yell in my face
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I guess it's because his Warp is called 'gilded imprisonment', and the phonecall with Jade where he says 'I don't wanna bet anything just to escape your clutches'.
Kinda makes him a foil to Robin and warped parallel to Sunday in a way I think if you see him as thinking of his job as a gilded cage. It may not really be true, maybe he can walk away anytime he wants I'm sure he has the power and ability to even if hed be up for silencing if he left the Stonehearts, but he has nowhere else to go so he may just be trapping himself there with his own apathy. Hope that made sense lol
Always enjoy reading your thoughts ty for the food 🙏
(Will answer the part about the character foils in a different post because that is a whole long thing of its own!!)
See, I definitely think this is the issue, because I have had people say that exact thing to me "Well his warp is called gilded imprisonment so that has to be referring to the IPC!" Like... Do people think the IPC has a monopoly on the word "gilded" or something? Or that "gilded" can only refer to literal gold coins and not any of the many, many metaphors for being a prisoner to destiny that are swirling around Aventurine?
"To gild" means to "cover thinly with gold." It doesn't mean to create wealth, to imply actual money, or even to relate at all to the concept of "golden handcuffs" (which is what people seem to be mistaking it for). Gilding could more accurately be described as a process of taking something cheap--like low-quality nickel--and plating it over with the thinnest layer of gold, to try to make the item seem much better than it is. Gilding something is often like dressing up a pig--you can make it look pretty on the outside, but on the inside, it's still a pig.
Just the thinnest layer of gold over a darker interior...
There's nothing about "gilded imprisonment" that automatically has anything to do with the IPC, unless you're already coming in with the impression that Aventurine is a prisoner of the IPC. If you start with a preconceived notion of what "imprisonment" means for Aventurine, then and only then do we make the jump to "Oh, this must be in reference to the IPC." Take that preconception out and there's zero connection lol.
Even the Chinese name of the warp, "囚石铸金" (lit. "Prison stones cast [in] gold") and other languages' translation of the banner name (like German's "Stein zu Gold," lit. "Stone to gold") imply that the most important element of the banner is "coating over something bad with something good"--i.e., turning prison walls into gold, turning the "stone" of his dark past into something shining. (This actually makes a nice irony in several languages, because he turned the rocky desert of his homeland and the stone walls of a prison into gold by... earning a Cornerstone and becoming a "Stoneheart"--or, that is, he himself is a "worthless" stone that has been thinly coated over in shiny wealth.)
But personally, if we really want to go by the English name of the banner, I would argue that it is much more likely Aventurine's banner name is a reference to his own troubled relationship with the concept of "blessings" and "destiny" than anything to do with the IPC.
From the beginning of his life, Kakavasha was told he was "blessed" and that he was the "chosen one." He was favored by a goddess, born on the day of her rebirth, and told that he will be the savior of his people. So, we can literally say he's the Avgin "golden child," which is further supported by the constant connection between Aventurine and gold colors (his golden-haired appearance, his mother's gold accessories with him since his birth, the word "Avgin" itself even meaning [golden] honey). So as the "golden child," we have this perception that his power of incredible luck, gifted to him by a goddess, must be a blessing, a good thing.
And yet that's not how it plays out for him. What his family tells him is a blessing ends up functioning more like a curse for Aventurine, when it becomes clear he can't use that luck of his to protect those who mean the most to him. He might be the goddess's golden child, the chosen one--but no one else is chosen with him. He's a failed savior, an incapable hero, and there is no escape from the destiny which has been decided for him.
There's a reason his lightcone is called "Inherently Unjust Destiny." His own destiny, decided when he was born favored of an aeon, makes him a prisoner of the suffering that he can survive but never avoid.
We see how much this haunts him constantly throughout his experiences in 2.1...
To me, I would interpret the English banner name "Gilded Imprisonment" as much more related to how Aventurine's blessing, which is supposed to make him the favored, lucky, golden child, is actually nothing more than a thin veneer over the terrible destiny that binds him, continually costing him everything and everyone he loves.
On to the other point entirely, I think people might also really be misinterpreting that sentence about "escaping Jade's clutches." Again, I think this relates a lot to the fact that people are coming into Aventurine's character with this preconception of him as a prisoner to the IPC, so they're interpreting this sentence in the most literal way possible ("I want to get away from you"), but that is actually not what Aventurine is saying at all there.
Jade's rank in the IPC is P46. If Aventurine is promoted to P46, he would no longer be her subordinate. Therefore, when he says "I don't want to bet anything just to escape your clutches," this is actually a (vaguely snarky, to be sure) compliment. Aventurine is saying "I don't want you to think I'm engaging in a bet [that I know I'll win] because I dislike working for you."
It's supposed to be flattery. He's saying "Don't think I'm trying to get away from you, oh great Madam Jade. I wouldn't try to make any bets just to get out of being your underling."
I think it's got a healthy dose of sarcasm to be sure, because Jade herself would have trained Aventurine to snatch every chance to get ahead. So now he's in the hilarious situation of having to balance the expected respect to his mentor ("Of course I would never want to leave you! You're the best boss!") with the fact that his own mentor wants him to be cut-throat at all costs lolol.
It's irony-laced flattery for sure.
That's why his next line is "Well, if it's just a friendly bet though, then sure, I'll engage." He's saying "So long as you know I'm not betting because I dislike working for you, sure, I'll play along." Because he knows that's what he's supposed to do--as a Stoneheart, he should be seizing every opportunity to advance. He virtually has to make this bet that he'll be promoted just to demonstrate the desirous personality that Jade would be expecting.
And honestly, it's supposed to be a callback to their first scene together too. They literally add that to text so people can't miss it. Kakavasha came to Jade as a person "hungry" to rise up the chain, to change his circumstances. He's making the same bet again to suggest to her that he hasn't changed in the slightest even after his experiences in Penacony.
(Now, why he's trying to act like he hasn't changed in front of Jade is another story, and "Aventurine is out to destroy the IPC" conspiracy theorists can run wild with this one for sure.)
But yeah. That line... really does not mean what people think it means, apparently.
Anddddd I'll get to the character foils in another post; this was already long enough as-is! 😂
#honkai star rail#aventurine#character analysis#gilded imprisonment#and it's just bro's whole life he's trying to escape#but I do agree with your last note about Aventurine being a prisoner of his own apathy#when you have nowhere else to go#why bother trying to leave?#it's not like leaving the IPC would make his life any better#since nothing can bring his family or people back#or free him from the curse of his own “blessing”#I don't think Aventurine has any real reason to be *loyal* to the IPC#I just think he doesn't see the point of going anywhere else#other than maybe to the grave!!!
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For reasons to be expanded upon at a later date (because I love the little bits about Boothill and possible paranoia/betrayal canon gives us so very dearly HNGH) I think Boothill like... He won't let himself fall into disrepair or anything of course, but he reeeeeeeeeeally does not like letting other people poke around at his body. It's a necessary evil to him. He does whatever maintenance and repairs he can himself. He started out with a massive knowledge deficit, simply because he didn't really have any exposure to that kind of technology until he left Aeragan-Epharshal, but he's taught himself a lot since then, he worked really hard at it!
Anyway, the point being, Boothill generally isn't super trusting of people.
But I think he would come to make an exception for Himeko, since he trusts Dan Heng a lot, and Himeko is one of Dan Heng's once-in-a-lifetime dearly beloved companions.
Himeko is so unflappable, I don't think she would even bat an eye about anything he throws at her, either. Like she enters the Parlor Car one morning (she's always the first one up) and Boothill is already there, waiting for her.
"Mornin', Madam Navigator."
"Good morning, Mr. Boothill."
And despite the fact that he blatantly broke into the Express (Pom-Pom is NOT happy about this JDKSAJDSKL), Boothill tips his hat, greets her politely, and is nothing but respectful when he says he has a favor to ask of her. Except it won't stay a favor long, of course- he has every intention of paying it back.
Himeko never agrees to things blindly, but she does bring up that all the knowledge Boothill contributed during the Charmony Festival was essential to preventing the universe from being pulled into Ena's Dream. And they were able to hold onto the Jade Abacus because Boothill used Tiernan's burial relic to summon the Galaxy Rangers instead. The Astral Express owes him a debt of gratitude, and besides, he's a friend of Dan Heng's. Of course she'll try to help him.
Boothill fidgets a bit, quickly brushes off the thanks, and tells Himeko he's having a problem with error codes. He keeps getting the same one, seemingly at random times, but the darn thing has no obvious cause. Dan Heng mentioned Himeko had been the one to rebuild the Astral Express. He knows it ain't the same, but it's not like he's askin' for any major repairs or nothin'. He was wonderin' if she could just take a look, maybe offer him some insight, since she seems to be somethin' of a mechanical wonder.
So Himeko walks him back to a another car, where she goes to tinker with machines without them crowding her bedroom. It's all neatly laid out and organized, and it only takes a second for Himeko to locate some specific device with a long cord. Instead of plugging it in herself, she holds the end of it out to him, like an offer rather than a demand, and Boothill visibly relaxes a bit. He still eyes it just a little warily for a second, but he accepts and plugs it into the port on his side.
Himeko pulls up the list of all recent errors, and they really are all the same. Boothill has had multiple temperature alarms over the past couple of weeks since the Charmony Festival, and they know it's not the environment, because Penacony is mostly dreamscape and kept mild year-round. The long-forgotten natural deserts are too far away.
Boothill is staring from the corner of his one good eye, so Himeko turns the hologram to let him see what she's doing easier. They don't appear to be false alarms. His internal temperature spikes and then slowly lowers again, high enough that if it lasted it would eventually cause damage.
One option is for her to start rooting through personal data, figuring out what he was doing at the time of each code, and tracing cause and correlation.
Instead, Himeko reads out the timestamps, and asks Boothill if he minds sharing what was happening around him when it occured.
Two weeks ago: He and Dan Heng went to explore Dreamflux Reef and found a bar- nice place, good atmosphere. Woman runnin’ it was a doll. Boothill left fer not even two minutes to get them drinks (Dan Heng knows like nothin’ about liquor, Madam Navigator, can you believe this guy) and when he came back, someone had already stolen his seat and was hittin’ on Dan Heng! Dan Heng didn't even care, just shooed ‘em off. Boothill laughed and said not to let him get in his way if he wanted to meet someone. Dan Heng looked at him like he'd grown a second head. Why would he want to leave with someone else, when he came here to be with Boothill?
Twelve days ago: While laying low- er, just rustlin’ up some grub- in the Moment of Blue, Boothill passed Dan Heng with March and Caelus playin’ on the beach, buildin’ sandcastles and the like. When he passed by again almost two hours later, they were still out there, with Dan Heng pullin’ March through the water on her inner tube and Caelus hangin’ off the back of it. He swam so fast! You'd think he was part water snake or somethin’. He looked happier ‘n a cat in a sunbeam… He has a nice smile, doesn't he?
Eleven days ago: Boothill was killin’ time in Dreamflux Reef when he turned the corner down a shady alley and saw Dan Heng, surrounded by three men demandin’ “protection money.” None of ‘em stood a chance, they were all on the ground before Boothill even blinked! So cool! Boothill wants to see that spear of his closeup- Anyway, Dan Heng stepped on one of ‘em on his way out, hahaha! Boothill stepped on the same guy a second time as he hurried to catch up.
Eight days ago: Here on the Express, actually. Boothill had mentioned bein’ curious about the archives, and Dan Heng personally invited him.
(“I remember that day, I saw you in the hall.” “Was there any problem with the heating that day?” “No, none. I don't think the temperature has anything to do with these error codes. I have a different theory, keep going.” “If ya say so.”)
Boothill was fascinated by an entry on aeons, and from a single question he asked about Lan, the two of ‘em ended up talkin’ fer hours. About aeons and Paths and Emanators, Acheron and Self-Annihilators, the Sea of Nihility, Tiernan, the Nameless and the Galaxy Rangers, their burial relics and their customs. Dan Heng finally just started writin’ and editin’ the entries in real time, with Boothill pointin’ things out and tellin’ him what to add in. They were at it so late that Boothill ended up sleepin' on a couch in one of the cars.
He'd figured there had to be something to make Dan Heng chatty- he'd caught just a glimpse of it that first night they met, sittin’ at the bar in the Reverie together. He'll have to ask about the archives more often, if it gets him all revved up like that.
One week ago: After that night of energetic discussion, Dan Heng was apparently hyped up, because after he'd downed some of Himeko's coffee (“You had some too, right? What did you think of it?” “It was great, even better'n chewin’ bullets!” "Thank you! That was my newest brew, I can't wait for everyone else to try it.") he actually asked Boothill to go hunting with him. Boothill asked who their target was, and was surprised when Dan Heng pulled out photos that looked like they were from March's camera, of all things, instead of a bounty or wanted poster.
And as he sat there, studying these pictures, Dan Heng explained that he wanted to hunt down these specific memory zone memes to record them into the archives. Planets with so much memoria are a rarity, especially with the Stellaron's activity thrown into the mix, which has surely affected the local “wildlife.” He might not get another opportunity like this for a long time. And Boothill had talked last night about his extensive expertise in tracking and hunting, so he should have plenty to offer here, Dan Heng would like to learn from his experience and see how he does things!
And oh, Madam Navigator, by the time Dan Heng was done speakin', his eyes were practically sparklin'! Just lit up like the sun! Boothill could scarcely believe it! The two of them couldn't even wait another day, they set out that very morning. It had been a long, long while since Boothill had tracked someone- er, somethin’- without the intent to capture or kill. It was…actually really nice. Nostalgic, but in a good way. It might even have been his favorite day on Penacony…so…far…
Boothill trails off as a couple of realizations crash into him. All the temperature alarms he's spoken about thus far- they've all happened in the company of Dan Heng. And now that he's thinking about it, he's pretty sure even the ones he hasn't yet talked about were with him, too. Dan Heng has been responsible for all of his error codes, every. single. one.
The screen in front of Himeko suddenly refreshes to the top of the list, displaying a new notification for the current time. Alert! Core temperature above normal range.
Himeko's knowing smile is sly as a snake.
Wwwwwelp, would ya look at the time, Boothill has some errands to meet, people to run, y’know how it is, he should really get goin'-
“Oh, Mr. Boothill? About that favor.” And Boothill jolts to a stop in the doorway because fudge, he can't just leave without hearing her out. He'd given his word. He has no problem running out on someone he thinks deserves it, but Himeko really had been kind to him to try and help him out. Her voice is just as knowing as her smile, Boothill can't turn around to look at her, or else he knows he won't be able to disguise the sound of his cooling fans kicking on.
“Don't make Dan Heng wait too long, ok~?”
“Y-Yes, ma'am.”
#honkai star rail#henghill#bootheng#Himeko KNOWS abort mission abort!!!#I really love Himeko sorta looking after Boothill the same way she does her crew even if he's not one of them haha. She's so sweet with-#-Dan Heng. She really seems to adore him and wants him to be safe and happy. I think she would be so happy he's found a new friend!#She wants to help this happen!! So get to it Boothill!!!#Was yapping about this fic to Ray and she nearly fucking oneshotted me: 'It's especially funny because we've got a Vidyadhara and a cyborg-#'-they literally have all the time in the world. SHE's the one who wants to be around to see it happen akfbbsbd''#AND JUST. GOD. Himeko knowing that she won't outlive Dan Heng. She's only human. She can't compare to a Vidyadhara lifespan. So she wants-#-to make sure Dan Heng has as many people as possible. She wants to know he'll be taken care of and not be lonely even after she's gone.#Himeko wants to see this important moment in his life happen she wants to be around for it *sobbing*#I'd been wanting to write this for a long time though because for me henghill is all about the little moments. like. they talked so much-#-back and forth in 2.2. they spent so much time together. they get along shockingly well. Dan Heng could have gone almost anywhere to wait-#-for the trailblazer to wake up after defeating Sunday. And instead of anywhere else Dan Heng returned right to Boothill's side. Was still-#-hanging out with him at the Reverie's bar. Still just chattering away. The point is that these two have a strong friendship to build a-#-romance on! They enjoy each other's company! They like spending time together! And I love that! I want to see their mundane nights!!#They'd have such fun dates uweh... They go on a coffee date and miss Himeko's coffee haha#(fun story Boothill's dialogue about Himeko's coffee was originally going to be 'it was uh...an experience. ain't nothin' else like it in-#-the world.' 'thank you!' But then I read Boothill's parlor car dialogue and? it turns out he LOVES Himeko's coffee? go figure ajfldjas)#(afaik he and Dan Heng are literally the only ones. how cute is that haha)#hsr#boothill#himeko#dan heng#hsr boothill#hsr himeko#hsr dan heng#my fics
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It seems I have lost all of my art on my computer. Very unfortunate
#I'm a bit too exhausted to explain what happened#It doesn't really matter either way. It's very unlikely I will ever get all my art back#It wasn't just my art. Art that ppl drew for me. Other silly pictures. My passwords#So yeah. I may at some point make new accounts cuz of course I don't have any of my password written anywhere else#Oh well. This is just a lesson for me to have back ups and whatnot#It's not the end of the world#But it does suck#I shall continue living and making art#But man... this really sucks#What also sucks is that my emotional stress is turning into physical pain. I hate this. Why do our bodies work like that. This is dumb#I try to think positivly. Even if I don't have any of my art saved on my computer. At least it's all other the internet#Some ppl even have it saved on their devices#So. It's fine#I'll continue my life as usual. Maybe do more self indulgent art so I don't go insane
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You and your annoying uni friend slash occasional roommate Endo who likes to crash at your place unprompted and unannounced at random times. Despite your pouts and groans you enjoy his presence as much as he does.
He’s an impressive artist with wonderful line work, his newest works always has you waiting to see the end result, watching with great focus as he works on them on your floor in the dead of the night
And he’s great company too. A beer cracked open, snacks all around and it’s just the two of you shittalking others, gossiping and being mean just because you can and oh—
is it not fun to spend time with him like that- to the point he has become perhaps the closest to you. Each others confidants, secret keepers, the number one victim to drag when the other one is trying something new or going to a new place.
So it’s no surprise when you whine about how boring and lonely things have gotten lately and you just miss a good ol heated making out session. Maybe a little handsy if türe feeling up to it, maybe even a little grinding if the night looks promising.
Before the two of you know, your hot breaths are all over each other, Endo’s hands at both sides, pulling you into his lap with strength and pressing you against that aching spot in his pants just to relieve himself as you bite into his neck and mark him up in red
#I am…. not ok#Art student Endo whose status as a student is hanging on by a thread bc as a genius as he is he is a nuisance to his teachers LMAO#but he’s so damn good at what he does and how he does so the university can’t risk dispelling a prodigy like him despite his bad choices in#life and friends (chika)… you don’t know who chika is exactly but it’s alright Endo will introduce the two of you when the time comes#one time boredom turns into a second time drink mistake and before you know you’re fwb or so you claim but you’re exclusive as hell#no one dares to go anywhere near you after what Endo has done to other fools who dared to do the same mistake#and you get so possessive dismissive and down right mean to Endo when he even looks someone else’s way— he loves to feel your nails dig into#his skin and he will make sure to find a good balance between provoking you just enough and not have you punish him by leaving him high and#dry for days… weeks even sometimes#endo yamato#wind breaker#endo x reader#college au#wind breaker x reader
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An idea -
Ody!Luke working with Kronos because he was holding Thalia hostage while, saying that he also knew where telemachus soul was and used those things to manipulate ody!Luke and then using the information of telem! Percy's identity as leverage
But Luke would immediately realize that Kronos was lying to him the moment Percy was revealed to be Poseidon's son. "Hero's soul cursed blade shall reap" is a pretty fatal sounding line, and at this point everyone thinks the "Halfblood of the eldest gods" and the "hero" are the same person.
Luke needs to stay with Kronos until at least the end of Titan's Curse. This whole thing hinges on Luke having an actual loyalty to Kronos. Or his cause.
...or his men.
Odysseus is loyal to his men, his solders who fought under him. Without Telemachus, with Pen Thalia "dead", all Luke would have left would be the people relying on him. All he can do is look for a way to ressurect Thalia (people turned into plants all the time in Odysseus' time, he can figure out who to suck up to to get her de-treeified.) and try to make things better for the demigods relying on him.
Luke tries to make things better for the Hermes cabin and the unclaimed, but the Gods block his every time. He's exhausted all his options when Hermes suggests going on a quest and asking for one of his boons as a reward (he's really keen about making sure there's room for everyone to have a bed in the Hermes cabin). Luke is sent off to gather a golden apple to prove how dedicated he was to his cause.
And Luke fails.
#Luke experience the worst time of his life:#Tele Percy: *shows up on his porch* I don't have anywhere else I can go ;n;#Luke: *gasp* baby boy. little bouncing baby boy has returned to me and now everything can be fixed.#percy jackson au#pjo#epic the musical#epic reincarnation au#ody luke#tele percy#pen thalia#percy jackson#Luke's life so far:#his wife is dead his son is missing his daughter lives in another cabin and doesn't hang out with him#and his friends/brothers are oppressed and there's nothing he can do to help them#of course he'd do something drastic and stupid
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come together making a comeback w gen z rn is awful bc like yeah it's such a great song but i promise you there's like 50 other beatles songs that are just as good
#like yeah it's great but have you heard of happiness is a warm gun#have you listened to i want you (she's so heavy)#considered hey bulldog or a day in the life or if we go in another direction what about here there and everywhere.........#not a dig at a younger gen btw im also gen z im talking to my peers who put this on in the car bc theyre like oh you like the beatles right#yes but. can we go ANYWHERE else.
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seriously debated whether or not i was gonna say anything about this but i use this blog like a diary anyways so. whatever
chat i think i may be hyperfixated on rocky horror picture show. okay let me provide some background because that might seem kinda out of nowhere
for those of you who may not be aware: i am a theater kid. yes i know i can hear you booing through the screen. my college's theater group does a rhps shadow cast every year, and i am on the makeup crew for it this year. id seen the movie once years ago and liked it but also found it deeply uncomfortable (because i was in like eighth grade or something and people were all but fucking and sucking on screen).
i was front center in the audience last night and HOLY SHIT yeah that was cool (guy who played frank sat on my lap, i completed the herculean task of not passing out crying because a hot guy sat on my lap and was also yknow doing frank n furter things DIRECTLY IN FRONT ME like a for a big part of the show MAKING DIRECT EYE CONTACT its a miracle im not dead this guy almost killed me he looked back at me a few times while he was sitting on my lap and i was making the biggest dumbest nervous smile ever and im 99% he could feel me shaking we made eye contact at some point guys please send an ambulance)
guys please i know rhps is. deeply deeply questionable. but the movie is so stupid and the music is good i love it so much. also shadow casts are so epic THE CALLOUTS HELP. i have the callouts rattling around in my brain theyre all so funny.
im coming out as a faggot, a pathetic faggot, a rhps fan, AND a theater kid in the same post. i think one of you just needs to kill me
#mick just yaps#im making a tag for posts like this because they are becoming increasingly common#does anyone ever read these. do any of you look at these#also if any of the people who know me in real life see this and also happened to be at the show and i just missed you. um#you didnt see this#i was never there i lied im not gay youre gay whats gay i dont know what that is#or if youre going tonight and you see me#because i am going again#because A. im doing makeup B. unfortunate hyperfixation and C. um. uh. normal reasons#i will not be able to be in the front row again because the is the virgin section (aka people whove never seen the show before) BUT#i can be anywhere else there arent reserved seats#so maybe the sides if the people im going with (my friend whos also on the makeup crew + her boyfriend) are cool with it#and they arent all reserved again
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the bs going on in my life is so horrendously terrible im going to (remembers suicide jokes just serve to help make me more suicidal) kill the authoritarial figures that i once truly knew and loved and trusted that i can no longer offer my true love and trust to due to the harm that they have dealt to me and those that surround us, ultimately allowing those that have been affected by their prejudice and oppression to be free even at the cost of willingly trapping myself in a death timer.
#i couldnt remember how the original joke went word-for-word so heres a shitty paraphrasing of it#ultrakill#yeah this is about gabriel#mel/tav/fugo/marcy rambles#suicide tw#long tags#vent#its also (in a joking way) about how shit my life is atm#i might be physically seperated from my mother but she still demands i stay in contact with her and i just. i cant do that#i hate her. i really hate her.#and i feel like if im going to really get anywhere in life i need to drop out of college and get *Away* from her#because she's too much of a controlling force in my life and she refuses completely to relinquish any of that control#so that i might have any of my own independence#i feel like i need to do something drastic and sudden if i want to live the way ive been longing to for so long now.#which. in my case. id be moving in with one of my online friends across the country#taking as much as i can with me and heading over#ik that might sound bad but ive known them since i was literately 12 and they were like 15 when i met them and i dont trust anyone else#as much as i trust them#and they could wait for me but i Can Not Fucking Wait. i need to get out of here#im sick of waiting for year upon year to get out of this hellhole and get away from my parents#only for me to be unable to really do that.#i just need to break the connection in its entirety.#god. ugh. sisyphus and mirage and gabriel ultrakill please grant me the strength to do this.
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I want to get to the good part of this blastvoid thing I'm writing but i do NOT want to write the part before it and I'm procrastinating so fucking hard
Like i know what i want and it'll be satisfying but it's like the reverse of eating beef jerky, where this is the tough gross part you just need to swallow before getting to the fucking SPPIUCCE
#I'm writing their early days when blast first realizes a) fucking void is an option and b) he REALLY wants to#but it's in the middle of a one night stand with a woman#and I'm just......so uninterested in most straight stuff......like unless its genderfuckery with the characters cause that's cool#also hard because i really believe background characters should have their own lives so trying to write these OCs as likable and believable#without them taking to too much time#or at least if they do have them be fun enough that it's fine#and also having it be believable that they'll go about their business even after the story moves on from them#hard too to get into the head of a frat bro/fuckboy which is kinda how i see Blast#or rather it's hard to write him without making him either too soft or too gross#like the way i like and see women isn't necessarily the way a guy like that would and it's tough to figure out where the crossover is#so i can use it to make this whole thing more believable#i REALLY want it to be clear that blast and void do not have the kind of relationship that would be good for anyone else#and probably really isn't even good for them#but that requires a fair amount of build up to get it across the way I'd like#like blast is fixated on void and so hyper aware of everything he does that he's almost#but not quite#scared of him#and void knows what he's doing because blast is the Goldie Locks of candidates for someone to help him with the GOD stuff#and he D O E S N O T want him going anywhere so he's gonna keep him close using every trick in the book#but blast IS charismatic and he IS fun and he DOES make daily life a lot more pleasant#so he's uncomfortably attached too#but blast has zero fucking for clue about any of that other than he's aware of just **how little** he knows about void#IT'S A FUCKING LOT OF SUBTEXT TO GET ACROSS WITH A CHARACTER I'M STRUGGLING WITH#I'm going to do it but MAN#blastvoid
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AM i reading too much into it or is the amputation line when lilith takes away amity’s magic also a tongue in cheek reference to Grim!Amity AU
either way it’s so so so good
GOD IS GOOD I'M SO HAPPY SOMEBODY NOTICED THIIIIISSSSSSSSS..... THANK U....
yes it is :D
#it's a reference to a bit in the main timeline fics (why did love put a gun in my hand specifically)#luz way back when belos is still alive thinking about how amity would cut off a finger/hand/etc if asked#because she doesnt have anywhere else to go#and then amity in the future escaping grimwalker horror but still being told to cut something vital out of her#and doing it. because she has nowhere else to go#WOOO PAIN WOOOO MISERY YAAAAY#at least this is temporary.#replies#toh#princess luz au#amity blight#princess luz au meta#with this i must nap. thank u anon u save my life every day.
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having the time of my life rn
#im just gonna dump this here bc i srsly cant go with this anywhere else cause my veins are about to pop#going on bsky really making me realize that my art simply got carried by the algorithm and not bc ppl actually like it i feel lol#i crawl back to twt bc im so addicted to the notification pop up there at least there i can feel like i actually matter#everyone has been getting serotonin from bsky but for me it was the exact opposite most friends also dont care for bsky so im just alone#maybe its also just the realization that perhaps there is nothing left for me on this earth#i put so much of my selfworth into the stupid numbers online and now im paying the price for it#my mental health is so bad rn i cant go a single day without feeling like i wanna end it today or i wont live past my 30s nor that i even#WANT TO live past my 30s my passions are gone dont have goals in life anymore like whats even the point maybe this really is the final#nail in the coffin for me lol i dont even think anyone cares for me beyond a personal surface level not even my family im so done with lif#im so eaten up by jealousy in every aspect of my life and i have had to bottle it up for so long bc nobody actually gives a shit even if i#openly talked about it to whoever how its making me miserable but its always the “just think about the good in life :)” there is none#i honestly wished for several years i shouldve been dead or at least not exist physically anymore and it was only the clout online that kep#me alive for better or worse but now im starting to believe this was all jsut lies too lol ngl i just wanna crawl into a hole and never ge#back out of it anymore i dont think anyone would even miss me anyways lol
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(why do people keep talking abt tumblr shutting down i feel like i missed something)
they're moving most of the tumblr staff over on other projects because tumblr just isn't going to be profitable ever and they're cutting their losses. it'll still be up though like tumblr isn't shutting down NOW or anything, but y'know...
#id rather not think about any of this tbh cause this stupid website is all ive got going for me in life#fully just like absolutely nothing else whatsoever#i like it here i hate everywhere else#but im not going anywhere and neither are any of you (threat)#answered
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#it's fucking stupid but i get annoyed by baby loki and thor HCs that go like “loki was such a fussy difficult baby and thor was not”#reminds me a lot of parents constantly bringing up that i was a difficult toddler/baby/child UNLIKE my brother.#and that i ruined their life bc they couldn't take me anywhere. like wtf do you want me to do about it? I could barely talk#and it always seems like they're mocking me or using it to show how ungrateful i am bc they put up with me and no one else would#no hate to people who post that. im just trauma dumping on my blog#projecting i guess#trauma dump
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