#gnome's simping again

[thegnomelord]

Coming at you with my irregularly scheduled simp minute-

I got hyperfixated on solo leveling manga and y'all, when I found out this is the bbeg:

He's a dragon, a dilf and such daddy material I need this man to Dom me so bad, ride me and call me pathetic plz.

Simp minute over.

[thegnomelord]

Example A of Ghost's big naturals

[ozzgin]

what races, classes, and subclasses in dnd would the yakuza boys like to play? (or the yokai harem 💕)

I'm going to use BG3 as a reference, because I never had the friends to play/get to know D&D. :') So there may be some slight inaccuracies to the original lore.

Daitou would be intrigued by a race like Dragonborn or Githyanki. They look different and intimidating, which resonates well with him. He'd probably pick a class like a Paladin or Warlock, because again, he can relate to the concept. "Heh, that's a little like me and Boss, ain't it?" he'll conclude after you explain what everything means. Bonus: he'd probably relate a lot to Durge.

Kazuya would go for a Tiefling or Elf. Either a Bard, or some ridiculously strong combo like Gloom Stalker Assassin. He likes being a charismatic character, but also thrives for power. "What do I pick so I'm the strongest of the team?"

Kiritsubo might go for a Dragonborn because he's a dragon spirit himself; he doesn't really understand all these fancy names, so he just picks whatever feels familiar. Using the same logic, he'd choose either Fighter or Barbarian. "I just have to swing a sword around, r-right?"

Murasaki would be intrigued by the Githyanki or (female) Drow. The discipline, the reputation, the arrogance, they certainly feel like home. As for class...he'd probably research some multiclass combination in order to be an efficient jack of all trades. Maybe something involving Sorcerer, for the long range and spell variety.

Suma is a simple man. He wants to use his fists. Give him a Half-Orc Barbarian or Monk and he'll be happy.

Yuugiri would probably choose an Elf because they look nice. Then go for some Bard/Rogue combination, so he can steal, backstab, and manipulate people. "What? I can roll to convince the enemy to just...kill themselves? This will be my signature move."

Sakaki immediately chooses Deep Gnome. They're frequently enslaved and mistreated (at least in BG3), and he finds the misery poetic. For the same reason he'd go for something like Cleric, Trickery Domain. "I have been killed again. Revive me if you must: but I shall savor death's sweet embrace." Bonus: Probably a Shar simp.

Sekiya is amused by the idea of being a human. Becomes terribly flustered and embarrassed when you tell him it's considered a boring choice. Went for Warlock because it was recommended as a balanced choice for beginners. Has been killed several times because he jumps in to protect his spider familiar. "You know what I can't summon again? The trust I could've lost if I let my companion die."

[ciderwitch]

So like I was wondering if youde be ok with writing a self insert of Standley Pines bc I am such a simp and am in need of fluff. Please please Id love you forever.

Surprisingly, I've only recently noticed that I apparently have a debilitating attraction to DILFS and GILFs... Love me some Grunkle Stan!

You had just started working at Gravity Falls Town Hall and already it seemed like things in your life were taking a strange turn. I mean, yeah, the realtor had told you that it was a "vibrant and quirky" community, so you figured it would be a little odd. The rent was cheap and the apartment you were living in was better than anything you'd even heard of back in the city, so vibrant and quirky would have to do.

Still, it was the third time this month the Pines kids had been chased by unholy abominations, and the terror of seeing a not-deer get eaten by a werepanther was starting to become a little too familiar for your liking.

You needed to get out more, you decided. Thankfully, some of your coworkers had a monthly get together at one of the local diners to hang out and they were more than happy to invite you along. They told you new folks didn't come here often, but you found the community warm and welcoming all the same. Eldritch horrors aside, it was a great place to live.

Apparently you did not get the memo that it was cancelled tonight, so here you were pouring syrup over your solo lunch of pancakes and sausage when the door chimed.

It was Wendy Corduroy and she had a downright miserable expression on her face. You could see why. Robbie Valentino was hot on her heels, as usual. It didn't take a genius to see that he was head over heels for her — or that she was completely done with him. And, since nobody else seemed particularly interested in helping, you called out to her.

"Ms. Corduroy! Care to join me? I was just going over some paperwork your father submitted and I could use your help."

She gave you a soft smile and quickly slid into the booth across from you while Robbie grumbled to himself, shoved his hands in his pockets, and stormed away.

"He is persistent, isn't he?" You say with a roll of your eyes.

"I know!" She groaned miserably, slapping her face between her hands. "Thanks for the save, by the way. If he actually paid attention to me he'd know my dad doesn't do paperwork."

"Anytime, Wendy. That's what adults are for, you know?" you answered.

"Pfft, no way," she said, "You're the only cool adult in this town, man. I bet if you were mayor it wouldn't suck so bad around bere."

"Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility," you laughed. "Besides, Mayor Cutebiker is still plenty popular. I don't think I'd have a chance."

"Whatever you say, Miss Y/N," she said with a shrug, "Mind if I eat with you? My dad and my brothers are meeting here in about 30, but I'm starving."

"Of course not, Wendy. I'd be happy for the company," you answered happily. You ate your pancakes in good company and waved her goodbye when her family arrived. You were polishing off the last of your drink and a slice of pie when the door chimed again and in came the Pines family.

You recognized the twins immediately. Where trouble brewed, the twins were at the source. Despite the threat of danger, you couldn't be angry at them. They were very kind and intelligent kids and had saved you from a gnome kidnapping earlier just this month, so you would say you were on good terms.

Then you looked up and saw the Stan brothers, Ford and Stanley. You hadn't actually met them personally yet, but you could tell by reputation alone who was who.

Ford was walking with his journal in hand, taking notes and examining the Medusa-dog's head mounted on the wall beside him while he mumbled to himself.

Stanley followed right after. Mister Mystery himself, with the usual suit and red fez you'd seem from afar and that half the town had warned you away from.

Both brothers were handsome, you realized, though Stanley was the one that stuck out to you. He had a great dad-bod, but you could tell there was some muscle under the poorly fitted suit jacket he always wore.

You blinked a few times to yourself. Man, you really had been single for too long. Your eyes met, and you offered a polite wave before looking at your mug and taking a sip. Staring probably wouldn't make a great first impression and you secretly hoped he couldn't read your thoughts.

Your reflection was interrupted the moment Mabel saw you, of course. The kid ran right over and dragged her brothers and uncles right along with her. She was sliding into the booth beside you before you even had a chance to scoot in.

"Hi, Ms. Y/n! It's me, Mabel!" she said excitedly. "Have you met my grunkles? This is Grunkle Stan, and this is Grunkle Ford!" she added, pointed to them accordingly.

"Nice to meet you both," you say, nodding at each of them. "My name is Y/n."

"Nice to meet you, Y/n. My name is Stanford Pines, and this is my brother Stanley," he added. "I don't believe I've seen you around before. Did you just move in recently?"

"Yes, a few months ago, but I've been so busy with my new job as Mayor Cutebiker's Chief Administrator that I haven't had much time to get out."

"Well, that's a shame, toots," Stan added with a sly smile and a performative wink. "You'll have to let old Stan-the-man show you the town sometime. I know this place like the back of my hand!"

"Grunkle Stan, you got lost in the mall two days ago and we had to have security come find you." Dipper added exasperatedly.

"Like the back of my hand!" Stan reiterated, using his hand to turn dip 180 degrees by his head.

"Ooh! ooh! We could give you the Pines Family Tour!" Mabel added excitedly. "We know everything, don't we Dipper."

"Well, maybe not everything, but I'm sure we could show her a couple of places," the boy added, running his nose at the praise.

"Children, Stanley, please. Let's give Ms. Y/n some peace. I believe she was finishing up as we came in, weren't you, Miss?"

"Yes, I had just finished the last of my coffee and alas, I have more work to do. But perhaps I will have to take you up on the Pines Family Tour, huh kids? And I'm sure you could show me a thing or two yourself, huh, Stan-the-man?" you laughed.

He laughed with you, but the blush burning up his cheeks as you left let you know he hadn't quite expected you to return his interest.

Man, you'd have to hang out at the diner more often.

[misshoneyimhome]

I need something, ANYTHING to read where Willy is quite literally a simp - you are the boss bitch running the show (everywhere but the bedroom, that’s where our model boy shines) and he is like literally obsessed with his partner because idk why but I feel like if that lil gnome is in love with you he’s clingy and obsessed (with no complaints lol)

“that lil gnome” 😂 But absolutely, love - let’s face it, he’s all cool and chill until that person comes along, and he’s turning into pudding 🥺 Again, this is much like the stuff I always write, but I’m a sucker for it, so of course I had to just go for it 🙈

Word count: 2.9+

➼｡ﾟ

Well, I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know I William Nylander

William Nylander wasn't one to easily surrender his heart, but as it turned out, it led him to have no other option.

Tonight marked your one-year anniversary, and he'd gone all out to ensure it was special.

He meticulously planned the day, ensuring you'd be out with your girlfriends while he took charge of grocery shopping and prepared an extraordinary dinner. Well, truth be told, Stephanie, Mitch, Calle, Sanna, and even Auston pitched in - Stephanie and Mitch assisted with shopping, Calle and Sanna helped with decorations, and Auston offered great gift ideas. And yes, he did have a housekeeper who diligently cleaned the entire condo, sparing you from any chores for a while. Meanwhile, his mother guided him through the cooking preparations.

And despite his efforts, he was a bit of a wreck – sweaty and distressed from all the organising and planning, which wasn't exactly his forte. That area belonged more to you; you were the expert in organisation, always in control and adept at planning. While he was the laid-back boyfriend, ever ready with a playful quip.

Yet, neither of you had planned to cross paths.

He entered your life as unexpectedly as you entered his.

_

You'd been on a winning streak in life.

You successfully completed your education with expertise and landed an exceptional job opportunity. Scaling the career ladder, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and prioritising your mental well-being were all part of your routine. It seemed like nothing could throw you off track.

Well, almost nothing - someone could.

Your first encounter with William took place in a quaint coffeehouse tucked away on a side street, often deserted as it remained relatively unknown. By chance, William had veered off his usual path, along with his doodles, and found himself on an unfamiliar street. Seeking warmth with a cup of coffee, he stepped into the nearest café where you were deeply engrossed in your work, savouring your own cup of coffee.

While waiting for his drink, his gaze fell upon your captivating, focused face, completely absorbed in whatever was displayed on your laptop screen. And a smile naturally crept onto his lips.

Your eyes shimmered with the reflection of the ambient lights, and your lips moved silently, articulating the words of the text you were so intensely absorbed in.

And as you looked up from your project, attempting to blink away the effects of staring at the screen for too long, you found yourself locking eyes with the blonde Swede.

At first you’d been oblivious to his gaze, but then his persistent intense stare eventually drew your attention, and his smug expression slightly stirred something within you.

As nonchalant as ever, William lounged against the counter in his oversized yet stylish attire, taking a sip of water while keeping his gaze fixed on you. When you flashed him a sweet, friendly smile, he attempted to silently mouth a 'hi,' but forgetting he had water in his mouth, ended up spilling it on himself.

A chuckle escaped you as you witnessed his awkward attempt to compose himself, wiping away the water from his lips. You tried not to stare too intently, but there was an undeniable intrigue about his handsome face.

Soon, as his coffee was ready, William regained his confident smirk and leisurely approached you.

"Hey," he greeted softly, prompting you to look up and offer a smile in return.

"Hey." Your voice sounded as sweet and gentle as William had imagined.

"I don't mean to interrupt your busy work, but... since I've already made a fool of myself, I thought I might as well come over and talk to you," he chuckled, standing before you, a smirk playing on his lips.

His overly charming manner managed to divert your attention from your work, eliciting a light laugh from you.

"Well, you're most welcome," you replied with a smile.

However, a moment of silence settled between you. William hadn't exactly thought this through, which wasn't his usual style. He typically had a knack for talking to women, but for some reason, he felt a bit hesitant looking at you, struggling to form a coherent sentence. It was as if his mouth wanted to speak, but his mind was in disarray, leaving him speechless.

"Um... I'm William, by the way," he finally managed to say.

"I'm y/n."

"It's nice to meet you, y/n."

Once again, a slight awkwardness hung between you both.

"So, do you want to sit... or-" you began, trying to ease the tension. But just as William was about to respond with a 'yes,' he heard Pablo and Banksy barking from outside.

Releasing a gentle sigh, feeling the need to return to his dogs, William flashed another smile.

"I'm sorry, I can't, but maybe I can see you some other time?" 

You reconsidered his question for a moment before responding. Gently you then nodded and smiled, retrieving a piece of paper and a pen, swiftly jotting down your number and handing it to him.

"Just let me know when and where," you playfully winked as your eyes met his once again, and he turned to continue his journey through Toronto.

At that time, dating wasn't exactly on your radar, though, since you had never really been into the whole dating scene. In fact, you had never been in a serious, long-term relationship.

Over the past few years, you had dedicated yourself to personal growth and achieving your career goals, which you had remarkably surpassed, making you feel a sense of pride in your hard-earned accomplishments.

However, your friends had naturally encouraged you to find a partner to share your life with. While occasional one-night stands satisfied your immediate needs, they were fleeting. You lacked someone to share your highs and lows with, someone to confide in when things got tough, or simply to revel in life's sweet happy moments. Your friends had been your confidantes, but as they all found partners of their own, their availability dwindled, leaving you sometimes feeling alone.

However, instead of delving into dating apps or actively seeking connections in the real world, you channelled your energy into your work. Perhaps your friends were right about you being a bit of a workaholic, but that never bothered you. You cherished your life as it was, fully committed to yourself.

But then William Nylander asked you out on a date.

Normally you’d quickly turn someone like him down, yet his excessive confidence piqued your interest, sparking a curiosity to learn more about him.

And on your first date, conversation flowed endlessly. Hours passed as you both engaged in heartfelt discussions over coffee, followed by an aimless stroll whose duration remained a mystery, culminating in another cosy coffeehouse for a late afternoon snack. Time and place seemed to be lost to you both as you shared everything and yet nothing with each other.

During your second date, he took you out to dinner. And here, your inner strong and independent woman faced a subtle challenge.

Having been in a relationship with yourself your entire life, you knew precisely what you liked and disliked. And more importantly, an overly charming, good-looking man shouldn't easily sway you. But William introduced you to his favourite restaurant, nudging you to try something new, which surprisingly, you found quite enjoyable.

And when the time came to settle the bill, he insisted on paying. While you appreciated the kind gesture, you were more than capable of paying your part of the bill yourself, given your financial stability. However, William wouldn't yield. He challenged your resolve, asserting that since he’d been the one inviting you out, it was his responsibility to pay. And eventually, you accepted and allowed him to cover the expenses.

Well, on the condition that you'd be preparing dinner on your third date, which he happily accepted.

With finesse, you navigated around his kitchen, crafting delicious, thick steaks accompanied by a great serving of pomes Anna, homemade béarnaise sauce, and an array of vegetables and greens. To complement the dish, you poured a delightful glass of Pinot Noir, enhancing the culinary experience.

William simply chuckled, appreciating the sight of you effortlessly manoeuvring around the kitchen, fully immersed in your culinary artistry.

And the dinner was nothing short of perfection.

The food proved delicious, conversation flowed seamlessly, and William, as always, looked captivating.

And as the evening drew to a close, and you were about to leave - a scenario not exactly anticipated in his mind - he surprised you with a deep, sweet kiss that left your lips tingling for the rest of the night. Briefly exploring his tongue, he held you close, intensifying the kiss before you parted ways, announcing your departure. This left William feeling frustrated, yearning for more of your touch.

However, you decided to keep him at arm's length for a little while longer. Dating someone as confident and excessively charming as him wasn't part of your plan, yet you found it difficult to distance yourself from him.

Nevertheless, you convinced yourself that it was all under control. Though attracted to his handsome face and charismatic personality, you assumed he would eventually grow bored, and you'd return to your normal life.

But as logical as it sounded, William had no intentions of leaving you be.

You had captivated him, and now he couldn't shake you from his mind, which, for the record, was highly unusual for him.

By now, he would typically seek out another woman for a casual hook-up, but he simply couldn't deny the effect you had on him; making his heart race and his pulse quicken.

Thoughts of you occupied almost every minute of his day, evolving into a near addiction that prompted him to check his phone each morning and before he went to bed.

However, hockey consumed the majority of his time. Daily training sessions and lengthy game days made it increasingly challenging for him to carve out time to date you. 

But instead of growing frustrated by his occasional absence, you decided to attend a hockey match with a few friends to demonstrate your support and interest in his life.

You messaged him about your plan, and swiftly he encouraged you to meet him after the game.

"Hey," he greeted, having showered and attended to media commitments.

"Hey, great win," you congratulated after releasing a tight hug and a quick kiss.

The two of you lingered as the last individuals in the corridors of the Scotiabank Arena, and while walking side by side, you dissected the game, sharing laughter and chuckles as usual.

Upon reaching the exit, William turned towards you, drawing you in for another heartfelt kiss, his hands gently exploring your hair and the back of your head, reluctant to let you go.

However, you gently pulled away, offering him a sweet smile, prompting him to speak.

"So, you want to come back to my place?" he cheekily inquired, earning another chuckle from you.

"Not tonight, love," you replied sweetly, causing William to release a soft sigh.

"What...?" William began, his tone reflecting confusion.

"Are you okay, Willy?" you asked, a hint of concern in your voice.

"I just don't get it... I mean, we have so much fun together, and the kissing is incredible," he almost nervously chuckled. "But are you not into me?"

Your expression turned curious, yet you offered a gentle smile, understanding his inquiry.

"Willy, of course I'm into you," you lightly chuckled.

"So, what is it then?" he inquired, eager to understand why you seemed to be holding back, which had you let out a gentle sigh.

"Do you really believe that just because you're this irresistible, good-looking star hockey player, you can simply charm me, and then my legs will magically open up for you?" 

William couldn't help but find your confident comeback amusing. 

"Well, yes, that's usually how it works for me," he chuckled lightly. He found himself increasingly intrigued by your level of confidence, realising that you were a strong woman, and he would have to work to win you over.

"Sorry, love, but you've got to do a little more to earn that privilege," you teased, flashing a flirtatious wink before placing a gentle kiss on his cheek, and making your way home, leaving William once again frustrated and alone.

"Fuck it..." he muttered as he headed back to his place.

There, he spent time scrolling through your conversations, where suddenly you sent him a naughty Snapchat, lounging in a tantalising set of lingerie, teasing him just enough to fuel his fantasies, and jerk off by the mere thought of you. 

William was slowly becoming pudding in your hands.

Your strong and independent boss bitch personality had his mind turning and twirling, and his need for you only grew stronger over time. During roadies, he longed for your calls, which slowly turned into to naughty conversations and light phone sex, where you’d send him a few nudes for him to enjoy, and he’d replied with his much anticipating, needy hard-on.

And it had been that 12 days roadie that had let you to give up and let down your guard for him. 

As soon as the team was back in town, and you had your next date with William, you’d put on one of those outfits he’ seemed to enjoy so much, and met him with take out at his place, only to end up in the bedroom. 

And here he turned out to be the one in control. 

You surrendered completely, allowing him to take charge, and undoubtedly, the five intense orgasms had made it all more than worthwhile.

And since that night, your relationship has flourished into something remarkably special.

You've been there for William during hockey matches, cooked for him after training, and spent countless days and nights at his place.

William couldn't be happier.

He admired your passionate nature and your dedication to your job, qualities he also valued in himself.

He simply adored your meticulous and organised nature, a bit of a control freak, with everything planned to the finest details - a stark contrast to his own personality.

You were the one to get him out of bed when he wanted to snooze, ensuring he didn't risk being late. Before a road trip, you assisted in packing his suitcases, meticulously checking that he had everything, from phone chargers to sufficient pairs of underwear, hair products, suits, ties, and his most treasured jewellery pieces.

And upon his return home, you'd restocked the fridge and snack cabinets. Sometimes, you even took the liberty to wash his towels and tidy up the kitchen, which he gently reprimanded you for since that was the responsibility of the cleaning staff.

_

But tonight, he refused to let you take charge.

This evening was solely dedicated to him expressing his profound love for you, pampering you with a delightful three-course dinner and your favourite wine.

For a whole year now, you'd been a significant part of his life, and he couldn't be more grateful for that. You'd been incredible, supporting him throughout the regular season, playoffs, and off-season. You'd seamlessly blended into his family and stood by him through thick and thin.

He simply couldn't imagine his life without you, and he needed to make that clear.

William recognised that he wasn't always the greatest at verbalising how much you meant to him. Instead, he tended to shower you with gifts and express his love physically rather than through words. He had a tendency to become possessive if he sensed someone showing a little too much interest in you, often holding on tightly, and occasionally staying silent until you prompted him to express his true emotions.

This was also how your relationship had eventually defined itself. William realised he wanted you around all the time, and despite not being naturally prone to jealousy, he surprised himself by feeling a little anxious at the thought of you with someone else.

So, he challenged himself to ask you, and unsurprisingly, you felt the same and happily agreed to be his girlfriend.

"Fuck..." William exclaimed as the dinner seemed to be heading towards disaster. Cooking wasn't his forte, far from it, but he was doing his utmost best.

As he glanced at the time, knowing you'd be home soon, he released his frustrations and discarded everything into the bin before resorting to plan B – ordering takeout.

"Hey, love!" you exclaimed enthusiastically upon entering the condo, laden with bags from your shopping trip.

Receiving no immediate response, you shed your coat and shoes, strolling slowly into the living room where you found William. He was proudly lighting the last few candles, having set the table, and played soft background tunes.

"Welcome home, babe," he greeted you with a mischievous smile, enveloping you in a hug and planting a gentle kiss on your lips.

You were baffled.

Never had he gone to such lengths to do something like this.

"Willy, what have... is this what you've been doing all day?" you asked, almost speechless.

"Mmm," he nodded.

"Shit, it looks incredible. I can't believe you've done all this," you said, gazing deeply into his eyes after inspecting the beautifully decorated dinner table adorned with flowers, he knew you adored, and the takeout packages filled with delicious sushi.

"It's all for you, baby," he said softly, leaning his forehead against yours. "Happy anniversary."

Your eyes welled up with emotion as you felt the depth of his effort to express his love for you, and you couldn't help but melt into his touch.

"Happy anniversary, Willy," you whispered, connecting your lips once again, drawing him into a heartfelt kiss.

[sorcerous-caress]

Your halfling post is very cute! And it made me think again about how people don't really talk about the short races in bg3. Even though I’m not a big fan of the short races is still kinda sucks for the fans of short races that people leave out Dwarves, halflings, and gnomes a lot outside of making joke Tav characters

Yeah short races are especially ignored in dnd as a whole :') we equate height with attractiveness as a society and that's why people avoid short races except for meme characters.

It is sad that we didn't have a short race companion in bg3. I am genuinely being 100% serious when I say I've romanced Barcus Wroot if he was an option before any of the other companions. That's how attractive this single gnome is with his charming personality.

Larian did have a dwarf romance-able character in dos2. He is a dwarf pirate revolutionist named the beast! You can flirt with him by complimenting his beard, and his romance is really heartfelt. (His hat is the one you get in the bg3 dlc deluxe ingame chest items)

And he was the least popular romance option between all of the companions, a literal skeleton with no face won over him. (Fane has my heart tho, ride or die 4ever)

Short races as a whole are rarely if ever depicted as attractive, even when you think they are, the game goes out of its way to condcendingly remind you that you should be simping for the elves and not them.

All I cared about in shadows of mordor was getting to know that cute dwarf monster hunter more, but nooooo instead we need a hundred flashbacks of the elves with their air-brushed skin.

[fuzzy-oooze]

my friend has blighted me with Official Catboy Twink Five Pebbles

and now I can never look at rainworld the same way again. why must he curse me this way, I’m gonna simp for a asshole robot now, the absolute garbage gnome.

[asknarashikari]

Ziin with a silver fox tail

...I guess that's actually possible for him, given the technology of his time/dimension can make him look like anything he wants. If the 300+ year old Berobitch can look like a teenage girl and Kekera can be a froggy gnome thing that I will happily take a tile saw to, Ziin can have a fluffy silver fox tail if he wants.

Of course, he probably gets it in homage to his being an Ace simp fan, which will greatly flatter Ace but will make literally everyone else groan because his ego gets inflated again

[cathumanthing2]

Roseblings Chatfic AU Chapter 2

Magic bitches

2:12 am

fungi fungus gnome: i just realized

fungi fungus gnome: is anyone here actually fully human?

plant flower faerie: Nope :P /lh

plant flower faerie: Scott’s a starborne elf hybrid, im a faerie, you’re a mushroom gnome, gem and fwhip are deer hybrids, pearl has literal wings, sausage has tiny tiny antlers so hes also bambi, lizzie and jimmy are fish, joel is… something, idk, but he radiates animation magic, pix is a phantom hybrid, and joey is an avian

father: Speaking of me being a phantom hybrid, most of you haven’t slept in 24 hours. Go to sleep. You’re making my instincts go haywire over here and I really don’t want to lose control and end up attacking you or something.

tech wizard: yessir mr dadriffs sir

actual wizard: Going to sleep in just a second, just need to finish that one essay on hybrid-human politics that ms. stella assigned yesterday

glitter starboy: uughh that was so boringggg

plant flower faerie: the entire history of that is just humans hating us it was so depressing

plant flower faerie: why can’t everyone just get along?

jungle bitch: because humanity’s fucked thats why

glitter starboy: fr

father: Go to sleep before I make you.

jungle bitch: ok ok ok ok im going-

glitter starboy: does that include me?

father: I would prefer if you did but you can’t sleep at night that well due to being a starborne so I’ll let you off easy this time.

father: Everyone except for Scott, please go to bed as soon as possible.

father: Scott, please sleep when the sun starts rising and catch just a little bit of sleep.

plant flower faerie: ok gn everyone i don’t want to be attacked by pix again like last time i didnt sleep 

plant flower faerie: have sweet dreams <3/p

glitter starboy: L imajine having to sleep to survive

pathetic fish man: *imagine

glitter starboy: stfu

father: Scott.

glitter starboy: sorry sorry-

miserable, hopeless romantics

3:38 pm

engineer salmon: hes so pathetic

engineer salmon: yet so cute

engineer salmon: Help.

Shroom: depends. 

Shroom: are u gonna finally tell us who this mysterious crush of yours is?

engineer salmon: never

Shroom: worth a shot

elsa boi: imagine being a simp

engineer salmon: stfu u simp for nerds

elsa boi: …NOT ALL NERDS-

Shroom: imma add someone-

Shroom added Joey Graceffa to miserable, hopeless romantics

Joey Graceffa: shrub forced me to join

Shroom changed Joey Graceffa ’s name to simp for elves

simp for elves: im gonna kill you

simp for elves: also i only ever liked one elf

Shroom: oh really? So all the gushing about scott’s “beautiful cyan eyes” in 7th grade was false?

simp for elves: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO FORGET THAT CRUSH EVER EXISTED-

elsa boi: i would be honored but joey would simp for a plastic spoon if it was even slightly attractive soo-

engineer salmon: sooo anywahs hows the thing w/ the mysterious beauty you keep ranting about in sapphic going shrub?

Shroom: GAHHH SHE’LL NEVER LIKE ME BACKK SHES SO COOL AND PRETTY AND IM JUST HERE WITH MY MUSHROOM HAT AND SHE PROBS DOENSTH EVEN LIKE ME AAJDFSAFI

elsa boi: so its going about the same rate as it was earlier this year

elsa boi: cool

engineer salmon: bai guys im gonna go bother gem now

elsa boi: cool

elsa boi: have fun ig

fWhip set his phone down on his desk before running out of his room and into Gem’s, where she was studying. 

She had headphones on, probably on a low volume and playing classical or calm music, and was bent over a sheet of paper, furiously writing something. She was clearly biting her tongue in the way she only does if she’s completely absorbed in what she was doing. Perfect.

He silently slipped into her room, closing the door behind him carefully, before grabbing the buzzing magnets he left in there last time he did this. He separated them before throwing them into the air and letting them clack together and buzz loudly.

Gem jumped up in her seat, magically-formed wings fluttering in shock, before turning around and fixing fWhip with a stern glare.“fWhip! You startled me!” 

“That’s the point.” he replied with a shit-eating grin.

Gem rolled her eyes before putting her headphones back on and putting them on a slightly louder volume. “I was studying for the test we’re going to have in science about how magic affects the laws of physics,” 

“Nerd.” he replied, his grin showing through his voice.

“Says the one in several robotics clubs.”

fWhip started walking out the door, and right before he left the room completely, he turned and said, “At least robots are actually cool,”

Gem simply sighed, and returned to her work. 

fWhip sighed. Lately, they had been slowly drifting apart, with Gem joining gifted classes at their school and being given more homework in general. She often stayed up for nights on end working on a project, and it was starting to worry him. He ran a hand through his too long hair.

Hopefully it would get better.

[yourlocaleldritch]

Me and @mechanicaldemonio are watching Wednesday (so don't read if you don't want spoilers) . This is my second time watching it, here are my thoughts:

Eeee Thing.

Black dahlia is apparently a real unsolved murder where a lady was sliced in half. Interesting reference.

Wednesday not being able to confort Enid is honestly a mood. I would be just as useless in a similar situation.

I have a headcannon that every year Wednesday has a memorial day thing for Nero.

Md: he likes her now. I mean,,, who can blame him?

Me: are you a Wednesday simp?

Md: I- she's cool!

Take that with what you will.

Also she called Wednesday an emo gnome. And later a Badass emo gnome.

I want to know if Thing knows sign language. That or he and Wednesday communicate through a made-up language.

Md, seeing Wednesday in a cat costume: hot

I love how Thing swims. He is so swag.

I think Wednesday might actually be legitimately scared of Enid's unicorn plushies.

I like Xavier's art of the monster. It's very cool.

WHAT SIGNALS WAS SHE GIVING YOU TYLER???????

Wednesday's actress is apparently 5'1. I will never see her the same way again.

One of the guys who crashed the ball with the paint was the Mayor's son. Surely he could have afforded to use real pigs blood. I'm so disappointed.

I really really like Wednesday's wardrobe. Actually I like everyones wardrobe. Good job costume people.

Enid is queer. I don't care what anyone says, that is a pansexual if I've ever seen one. Also Wednesday is probably on the aro-spectrum.

Something about both Wednesday and Enid having issues with their parents makes sense.

I really really like Bianca. I love her character, her aesthetic, she's so cool.

I love the School building. The whole aesthetic of it is awesome.

Xavier is incredibly Gender ™

I. Want. A. Secret. Library.

Weems is really fucking tall. I didn't realise how tall she was before.

We managed to get to episode 7. When we finished it I'll make another post. Maybe.

[cheesecakemermaid1048]

I love how dark choco is like”Okay,that’s enough trouble you have caused for one day”

Also you know that means,Dark choco is officially a dilf!!!

[rozcdust]

She’s so mean

Pairing: Kokonoi Hajime x f!reader

Genre: Crack, SMAU

Word count: 900ish

Warnings: Canon divergent, profanity, ooc, the reader is tired and a bitch

pt. 1 | previous | pt. 17 | next

“Neeeeeeext! It cuts you in half, you look like a gnome.”

A piece of popcorn hit your face, falling down to the floor, much to Pochi’s delight, and you tried your best to not jump Mitsuya and strangle him.

“It’s pretty but it makes your torso look short.” Hakkai commented, trying to stop Mitsuya from throwing more popcorn at you.

“Why are they even here?” You crossed your arms, glaring at Mitsuya who was cuddled up in Hakkai’s lap, head tucked under his chin.

All four men pointed to Kazutora, whose face had a look of utter betrayal as he raised his arms in surrender.

“I heard you had a date and got excited.” He sighed, slumping further into the couch under your pissed off look.

“You’re going on a date, y/n’s going on a dateeeeeee, my baby is going on a dateeeeeeeeeee~” Chifuyu clearly couldn’t read the tone in the room, blissfully hopping around in the kitchen, preparing tea.

“Not a baby.”

“Shut up, I met you when you were tiny, you’re my child, I raised you. Who helped you with your homework when you were 10, huh? Huh?? Because it sure as fuck wasn’t your illiterate brother.”

“Rude.” Baji flipped him off from the couch, shaking his head.

“It’s true, though.” Tora giggled, poking Baji’s rib as Mitsuya and Hakkai nodded along.

You sighed in defeat, going back to your room to find something else.

You woke up that day, and after you managed to force yourself to crawl out of bed to do your morning routine, the five men were waiting for you in the living room, forcing you to this… whatever the fuck this is.

Pulling the shirt off of yourself, you looked in your closet and found you had no fucking idea what to wear, Mitsuya having shot all your previous ideas down with an ego breaking critique.

And there was also the issue of ‘I have no idea where is he taking me so I have no idea what to wear’, which you told Mitsuya already who so kindly offered you a scandalised look and more popcorn to the face.

He was incredibly sweet in any other situation, but he was a fucking menace when it came down to your dressing choices.

Sighing as you dug through your closet, you chose to resort to thievery.

Putting a hoodie on to cover yourself, you sneaked across the hall to the room where the trio slept.

Opening their offensively huge closet, you found your way to Baji’s section, digging around until you found what were you looking for.

Pulling out the black satin button-up, you hummed in satisfaction, stealing one of his necklaces as well on your way out.

“Finally! That’s good.” Mitsuya nodded approvingly when you went in front of them, wrestling out of Hakkai’s grip much to the other’s displeasure, to fix your collar.

“Now just belt it, make sure that collar is nice and proper and you, are, set.” He grinned, making sure to emphasise the last three words with three gentle taps to your face.

“Is that mine?!”

“No.”

“Liar.”

Koko had a similar issue, except his “help” wasn’t helpful at all.

“Honestly, she’s too good for you.” Sanzu commented from his place on Rindou’s lap, who was nodding in agreement.

“That’s giving too much, change.” Ran added, laying on Koko’s bed, supporting his head with his hands as his legs swung back and forth.

“I think you look nice.” Kakucho offered from the armchair, trying to cheer up a dejected looking Kokonoi.

“Why did I invite you again?”

“You didn’t. You said you had a date and we came to judge your life choices. C-h-a-n-g-e.”

Koko sighed, turning back to his closet.

“Where are you taking her?” Rindou questioned, now petting Sanzu’s hair, who looked like he’ll start purring any second.

“Honestly? No idea. Thought a restaurant, but she obviously has something against money so I think she’d hate all my choices.”

“I see. We’d treat her better.” Rindou grinned like a hyena.

Koko sent him a glare.

“You have a boyfriend, stop simping for my girl.”

“We wouldn’t mind polyamory.” Sanzu shrugged, turning around to look at Kokonoi.

“Uh-nuh, I wouldn’t call her yours yet Koko.” Ran interjected, grinning.

Kokonoi threw his slipper at him.

“Very Mikey of you Koko, 10/10. A bit more to the left though.”

Kokonoi was one more comment away from giving up.

“How about a sushi bar? It’s not too fancy, but still cutesy enough.” Kakucho suggested, making Kokonoi beam.

“I could kiss you right now.”

“Please don’t.”

Kokonoi found a plain back turtleneck, deciding that it’d pair nicely with a suit jacket.

“How much makeup should I wear?” He asked, pulling off the button up to put the turtleneck on, not minding the other four men in the room.

“You’ll need a lot of it to hide that awful face. You’re lucky you have a nice back”.

Sanzu was lucky Rin stopped Kokonoi from smacking him.

“Eyeliner is just fine, Koko.” Kakucho said softly, already getting up to grab Kokonoi’s makeup bag and a mirror.

“You’re the only friend I have Kaku.”

“Hello??? World to Koko??? I’m the reason she even gave you a choice.” Ran sounded utterly offended.

Kokonoi rolled his eyes, choosing to ignore that, and sat down on the floor to do his makeup.

“Is she working tonight as well, Ran?”

“I guess? She didn’t ask for a day off.” Ran shrugged, laying on the bed fully.

Koko looked up at him.

“You wouldn’t give it to her?”

“Koko, if I offer it to her, I fear she may burn my club to the ground with me in it.”

Koko shrugged as he went back to eyeliner.

“Good point.”

Taglist (open):

@1818cigarettes @babu-haitani @dilf-city @wakasa-wifey @lagrimasdeglitter @kisekihany @missarabellla @bajifairyy @cryszus @r-xochitl @hana-patata @bontenacious @crybabylisa @spookydraken @rorobaijifuyu @yukihime-mikeys-girl @toobsessedsstuff @sammcaav222 @emilywaters @agoddess-inashell @levistiddies @t04dxm @qualitygiantshoepsychic @chilledraft @bontensbabygirl @brokencoinlocker @somniari-94 @yujibhabie @inumaki-s-onigiri @wakasagurl @sup-zfam @nqctre @chronic-claire-universe @rozewayne2005 @bxnten @graythecoffeebean @hanmascult @sanzuswh0re @yuushs @little-crow @halcyondaisy @st4rryhae @gvancagamer @passionateuchiha @haikyuu-simps-assemble @hecatve @notsodeadgirlwalking @royal-shinigami

a/n: did i just choose to make rin and sanzu an established relationship instead of slowly introducing it? yes. because i can :) i could make a sanzu x rin fic tho 👀

[randomshipperhere]

Pokimane ISWM stream summary 1 of 2:

Part 2 here

Things to note: I didn’t watch the 2 streams he did on twitch and IG to make us watch Poki’s stream. Saw the retweet and booked it.

Mark commented a LOT so this post has to be separated into two parts and I’ll do my best to give context to each one.

Y’know before she started going on the adventure I really hoped for once chat would pull through and make us see Illinois but I was so disappointed from the first option because I knew that it would all lead down the Plan K end so every time poll came up after that I just went for the unpopular vote. I didn’t want to go down without fighting.

First up, Mark getting modded. Poki first planned on making Mark a VIP, she un-VIP him and made him a mod by getting rid of someone else.

The as intended one is referring to Mark giving Poki a go for simping on Celci.

As you can also sorta tell Poki talked about her role and Mark commenting on how not a lot of people caught on to it. She also got baited real hard with the fake options. She got jeba(i)ted as twitch chat would say.

We jumped in 5 times….

Mark’s saying thanks because Poki applauded his acting skills.

I was actually super with Mark on this one. I may like fire at the wormhole better but that’s with context of my own run. Also Mark managed to overrule chat’s 70% vote and you know what chat? He’s right. Y’all should go signal.

First evil laugh is because his wish got granted on going Distress Signal. Chat got to see Lady D. Very many Wug fans.

Mark went quiet in chat for a small bit here.

Can’t really recall what the question was that made Mark answer “yep” in this.

YOU HEARD IT HEARD FOLKS. The PLAN K bideo stands for kablooey!

More evil laughs that I can’t remember why they happened… I mean I know it’s Dorene but uhh forgot the specific reason.

Poki talking about how you shouldn’t trust grandmas without them cookies. The ending.

Her first end is 1 of the unique ends. She goes back to step in the wormhole after.

Bet you feel bad is referring to when Lady confronts you about destroying universes.

lol no comment is made when Poki says that old man Mark lookes like the you’ve been gnomed meme. Honestly before he replied I knew what his answer was gonna be. The daydream was super vivid in my head for those few seconds.

In order. The buh-bye is kinda obvious. Mark confirming part 2 is on May 2. He gives her permission to watch it when it drops. Poki asks if he wants to say anything to which he replies “naw”.

Once again, Mark thanking Poki for watching it. Poki wanting to be do the Noir stuff.

Yeah… Poki may need some help Mark ^^;;

“Now you’re thinking” referring to the scene where Noir Mark gets proud in his head about accomplishing the wormhole stuff and Poki turning it into a thing irl where if you mess up bigly you can be proud of messing it up bigly or something like that.

Guess ED the skeleton js now sodapoppin. Good eye is for the “That’s not me” mug.

Open the door options. I was actually conflicted here because I knew how Mark would react to it knowing his previous behavior…

He also basically said don’t let chat influence if you want to open it or not but he did kinda usher her to not open it so…. Mark you hypocrite lol

There it is. He’s making fun of Dark again 😭 shut it you menace. Yeah just open the door 3x Poki.

That’s it for Part 1/2 of Mark in Poki’s chat shenanigans, he still did more stuff and there’s a fee other things that happened that I’d like to speak about.

[ineffable-gallimaufry]

you know what time it is!

i've been on tumblr for four months as of today, that's right, it's time for more quotes and a whole day of just me making memes!

now, without further ado, the quotes!

“I fucking hate epic wizard quests.”

“Ok. New day. I’m not going to get hit in the face with a door once. Not once.”

“Nice is a four letter word.” *slaps someone*

"I'm gonna play some real Christmas music." *proceeds to play the good omens theme on the piano*

"The bloody glove in the sink was hilarious."

"I think my least favorite character in Animal Farm was either Stalin or the Russian Orthodox Church."

*hooty voice, in french* "I have depression."

“Is that a giant picture of Lin Manuel-Miranda’s face?”

“No, I’m not winking. My eye is habitually closing because I’m being possessed by an eldritch demon.”

"Don't rutabaga my heart."

"Become one with the penguin. Lick the penguin."

"If he turns the other cheek, poke him with a stick."

"You should be more like Dippy Fresh."

"I guess Bear-o's just too sus for school."

“We do talk about Bruno when it’s a metaphor for you being trans.”

“Candy cane? More like candy PAIN.”

"Can you imagine a man made of caterpillars?"

"I mean, I understand the murder but not the ladies."

"The treasure was not the friends we made along the way. It was Amelia Earhart."

"I hate adventure capitalism."

"For the honor of I'm gay for Kida."

"There are two ages: grown and maiden."

“Call me an Aziraphale kinnie because my cocoa just doth grow cold.”

“‘Believe’ contains the word ‘lie’ in it to show us that most things people believe are lies. Thusforth the dictionary wants me to commit crimes.”

“Get back to work, you silly gay.”

"AFAB stands for 'Assigned Fabulous at Birth' and no one can convince me otherwise."

"I can lie to people if I'm talking."

"YES! BIGGER FOOT!"

"No.? WhY is ThE tRianGLe MoISt?"

"It's like if you were knitting with someone's guts and were like 'Oh look, it's hollow inside!'"

*has a headache* "Ow, pain. Heh, that's funny."

"I wonder what Karl Marx would say about this."

"Oh. I've been abandoned. How festive."

*bill cipher voice* "Maybe the clay is red because of the blood!"

"I hope there's not blood in my computer."

"Slightly insane is the look we're going for."

"Knife safety. I sure am safe with knife."

"I relate to this song on a personal level. Like Stan."

"How do you keep 'em all straight? I don't. Because they're all gay."

*stares directly at the 'no communism' sign on top of my muffin container* "Hey mom? Can I liberate these muffins?"

“See? It’s not that hard to bribe people.”

"The amount of times that I have almost called my sibling a kinnie in some way, shape, or form is slightly alarming."

*trying not to curse in front of my mom* "Love is a four letter word. Nice is a four letter word. Some other word is a four letter word."

"Y'know what's really sexy?" *whispers* "A public library system."

"No one is fat shaming Santa."

"You can run, but you can't run!"

"I'm doing that thing. Not dying." *proceeds to die*

“Arson day is my favorite holiday.”

“Let’s watch an easter movie, yahee yahey!”

"What's that word again? Oh yeah, 'books'."

"Yeah, but I'd also rather not be dead."

"Just let me simp for someone in peace, ok?"

"YES, ritz crackers should be considered ritzy, NO, you cannot change my opinion on this."

"And Luisa's hot… Wait no!"

"Heat/him. Burn him in a fire!"

Me: "What did one human say to the other human?"

My mom: "What?"

Me: "DO YOU SMELL FLESH?"

"Don't be depressed. Play the guitar."

"I'M GONNA BITE RUDOLPH'S HEAD OFF!"

"Friends don't wall friends up in sewers to die."

"Oh! I gnome how to gnome gnome…"

"In honor of Harry Potter, I am going to drive on the wrong side of the street."

"As I said, I was faking being cold to commit larceny."

"So, yes. It's an on-fire man baby thing."

"I bet you can't guess what I'm thinking of!" *thinks aggressively about xyler and craz*

"Now everyone's happy! Except for Jimbo the depressed owl."

"What else is empty? Your bones after the marrow is sucked out of them."

"My first instinct was to cry. And then my second instinct was to say 'julius caesar kinnie'."

"Yay! A deer carcass!"

"You know what I would call Rodan? I would call him 'silly little guy'."

"RIP that silly little guy. He's probably fine."

My parents: "Transam."

Me: "Did you say trans Anne?"

"Anne? Marcy!" *tries to say 'Anne' again but emits a high pitched screaming noise on mistake*

"I wonder what that could bean?"

"Everyone knows the basics of leather making, right?"

"Is this a gay metaphor?"

*ripping open a bag* "I require no aid from the tools of man."

"I'm not a morning person because no one I know has died." *makes rimshot noise*

[shegairowmyamo]

What i've gathered from the happy tree friends real time fandub

So there's this three part series on youtube called “happy tree friends real time fandub” and I wanted to write down my favorite parts from it.

The peta in this universe aims to protect machines.

Lumpy's great grandfather is Michael Afton, sometimes when Lumpy is stressed he quotes his great grandpa's fathers lines when he needed his son the most.

The frequency of Nutty's voice could shatter your ear drums.

Sniffles whole character arc is just him wanting to suck cock.

The reason why Lifty chose the life of crime was to try and get rid of his lung cancer while supporting his family, Shifty is just there for the ride.

Lumpy used to work for the navy.

“give me the rice”

The residents of this universe have come to terms that they will die and sometimes don't react to being hurt, stabbed, killed e.c.t.

The cursed statue is an among us sex toy.

The ant wife is Marge Simpson.

When Flippy flips he gets extremely horny.

Cuddles will scream at you to buy his bikes.

Pop's biggest bruh moment was giving birth to his son.

Cub hates white people.

Pop “let it rip” with his son attached to the beyblade.

Sniffles makse inventions specifically to “get some bitches”.

Sniffles diagnosed Nutty with erectile dysfunction and cum withdrawal.

Flaky made a gum review, and died.

Flaky was gonna beat Tricky from fnf in a fight with a metal bat.

Nutty made a car review, and died.

“oh no hentai”

Nutty is an average British resident.

Giggles busted a nut after finding out someone simped for her.

Mime retired from being a mime and can talk now.

The “These balls in your mouth” joke is common and everybody hates it, so the creator of the joke got deleted.

“Angry German Ranting”

Cuddles and Giggles ascended to heaven but were brought back.

Cro-Marmot is in constant pain.

Handy, Mime, Flippy, Petunia, Lumpy, Giggles, Lifty and Shifty all play Fortnight.

Lumpy is phone guy and frequently makes phone calls with the same opening.

Mr, Pickles is another British resident.

Sniffles at one point shoved two dildos up his ass, he personally wouldn't recommend it.

“Happy Tree Friends - Ś̶̨͖̰̍͆́p̸̦̝͉͎͝ą̵̡̨͔̥̖̑̍͊r̴̹͈̘̯̮̝̅́̆ë̶̯̋̿͝ ̸̹̺͕̫͇̋͗̆̿M̴̤̣͙͂̂̑́è̸̲”

Lumpy is the imposter from among us.

Disco Bear's only source of confidence is his cheeto puff hair.

His wig, snatched.

Disco Bear prompts dollar shave club now.

“what you know about rolling down to the deep end”

Nutty listens to money machine.

Russell is a living Foxy reference.

Russell thinks that sex is cringe.

The creator of “These balls in your mouth” was un deleted by unpopular demand.

Sniffles made anti cum to inflate his peanes.

Fliqpy likes to emotionally degrade his victims.

Lumpy read Logan Paul's apology letter and never forgave him, until like 3 seconds.

Giggles got springtrapped.

Lumpy used to work at Freddys as a night guard.

Lumpy smokes weed.

Giggles is an E-Girl.

“Shipping myself to Dwane Johnsen at 3:00 Am”.

Lumpy walked in on a fivesome, until Petunia died.

Cub got killed for saying the “These balls in your mouth” joke unironically.

Flaky is the only smart character.

Everybody screams in fear when Nutty's on screen.

"̵̨̩̦̮̪̹̗̦͇͚͕̣͈̼̲̫̺́̂̓͝ͅY̸̢̩̝͕̫̭̮͈̮̤͚̹̰̹͉̰̩̹̲͇͔̳͇̫̲̜̅̆͐͊̃̔̑̀͊͑̍̾͆̒̀̈́̿̈́͂͘͜͝͝Ḛ̸̱̉ͅS̵͎̪̦͍̩̼̑̅̉̿̄̉̎̌͆͌͌̃̓́̋̌͐͘̕̕͝͝͠"̵̡̢̯͕̫̘͉͍͖̱͈̟̘͔̫̀̄̆́̄̊͌̿́̌͆̏͜͝͝ͅ

Splendid has super lazer piss.

Counter to popular belief, Giggles is the one that wants feat pics.

Lumpy sometimes changes his accent depending on his job.

The cake is alive :)

Disco Bear is Nikocado avocado but backwards.

Cuddle's got a feat collection.

Fliqpy is the imposter in real life.

therapist Lumpy is sick of Flippy's shit.

Fliqpy made Nutty swallow.

“this is the third time”

Flippy has a hypnosis kink.

When Flippy looks in the mirror he sees Freddy Fasbear.

“That's for bead time and beed time only evil Flippy”

“aw shit”

Lumpy went fucking inzane.

Toothy had plastic surgery to look more like an emoji.

Toothy didn't choose Hot wheels, Hot wheels chose Toothy.

Toothy speaks in printer, whatever that means.

Thanos collected the infinity stones and killed Fliqpy.

“ding ding mutherfucker ding ding”

Lumpy gets a new job every day.

“A dick sucking emergency?”

Nutty has a f̷͔̩͐a̴͙͆ṟ̶̛̗͎̂̕t̴̩̓̂ ̴͓̓͗c̴̼̟̜̎o̷̤͖͂m̸͉̔͠p̴̭͈̀̉ḯ̶̧͎̅̕ͅl̶̦̾̈́͒ȧ̸̰͓̘t̴̫̀̆́i̵̤͂̓o̵̱̕͜͜n̷̛͓̼̓͜, his words not mine.

Nobody knows how to open doors so they just throw axes at it.

And apparently they also don't know how to close them either.

Nutty became a model citizen, until he became a twitch streamer and then resumed to being a crack addict again 24/7.

“It's like, its like Minecraft”

After having his balls demolished it was clear that Lifty would never have children.

Sniffles went to a dick sucking university.

“NO my seman”

The Mole wants to kill tricky but is having trouble finding him and instead kills other people.

Lumpy used to shove pinecones up his ass.

“i'm going to suck your dick whoo, give me them titties”

Sniffles got stepped on by a rocket.

Flaky has made severe and continuous laps in her judgement.

Nutty had a dream of suking on a candy cane, vigorously.

Binging with Lumpy… I HATE MY LIFE

Splendid can't handle the battle pass.

“ironic catchphrase hear”

Inflation.

Shifty wants to fuck a christmas tree.

“the true hunt has begun”

“why won't you pee in my mouth”

Disco Bears final words “oh shit it's a can”

Lumpy got drilled up his ass.

“The dick driller”

“Like these balls? they jiggle”

Cuddles has a Deviantart.

The butterfly of shame.

“i want him to do that to my ass”

Sniffles Pogd.

"̵̘̤͐̚Ả̴̛̛̛͈͙̯͎̠̈́̆̀M̷̰͎̹̳̰̪̖̆̈̀͑̉͌ͅO̴̹͌̈́͌̌̑N̸̨̜̖̫̫̜̻̤̲̓͗̕̚G̸̨̙͗̊͛͘ ̴̨̪̌̊U̸͊́ͅS̴̻͓̝̠̣̞͔̯͉̀̾͑"̶̡̥̅

Sniffles used spider seman to create anti scp 999.

Nutty was so h̷͍͈̭̩͙̾̊̎̇y̵̥̣̍͗̃̈́ͅp̶͇͚͓̯̅̌̋ẽ̵̺̬̥̒̈́͒̈́ḑ̷̊̈́͑̇̕ that he stopped existing for 7 seconds.

Flippy has a Minecraft diary.

The two most dreaded characters show up together, Sniffles and Nutty.

But then they die.

“choke me daddy”

Lumpy is a pyro main.

Gnome jokes.

“i thought that was my ass”

Cuddles is evil and is behind the whole series.

here's the links

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yxpwihHoEg&t=1s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSMbN1-YBQI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0VBUMYzMOs&t=1s

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZHl2VXF53grE7yN9NWzXXQ

[prismadog]

So is the wolf spirit still a thing in this au?

thank you so much for sending this question! 😁

okay, so this took a little bit of work for my two brain cells to get themselves straightened out for long enough to come up with an answer but they managed it. so here goes... I would say...yes, the Wolf Spirit would still exist, but it's birth into the Empires world would be under slightly different circumstances.

the canon appearance of the Wolf Spirit was born because of Joey & Sausage's releasing the demon from their eternal prison and setting them loose on the world. also, Xornoth had killed Lord of Mars - may he rest in peace - which caused Shubble to interconnect her soul with Lord of Mars' [there's probably a simpler way to say that last part but idk what that way is] there's probably other things that caused the Wolf Spirit's birth but I don't remember everything that happened - maybe I'll rewatch Shubble's videos sometime

since Shrub and Xornoth are found-family, there's no longer any reason for Xornoth to terrorize the gnome, which means no reason why he would kill any of her wolves. also, because they're family, she wouldn't go after Joey & Sausage for releasing Xornoth - in fact, she would probably help them, or, at the very least, stand back and let everything go sideways with the dragon fight.

so...how could the Wolf Spirit be born?

if it were to happen in the au, I would say it would be in retaliation to something else - maybe the rebellion against Xornoth from the other rulers? or maybe Joey still does something, like stealing Lady Sun? or Sausage kills one too many of her allies in cold blood?

rebellion against Xornoth. Shrub loves her demon relative [still undecided on brother or father, I'm leaning towards father but idk] and wouldn't want to see him sealed away again.

it was hard enough seeing how trapped and miserable he felt before in the Nether, and she doesn't want to see that again.

so, the rebellion, she would take offense to that and call upon the forest spirits to aid her in protecting the only family she's ever known, this could be when the Wolf Spirit is born.

against something Joey did. Joey's a bit blood-thirsty and has a habit of stealing creatures from the other rulers, no matter who they are. he would still try to take Lady Sun, he would succeed for a hot second, but Shrub, having such a close bond with the Wolf Mother (and being raised by a demon), would not stand for it. she would burst into the Lost Empire with an army of wolves at her side and cut him down without a second thought.

and maybe, during this fight, is when Lord of Mars is slain, cut down protecting the pack, and it would be by Joey's hand that the crime was committed. this would cause her to take in Mars' spirit and become the Wolf Spirit.

Also, Joey's simping for Xornoth? that would totally gross her out because hey, that's her family right there and well...his obsession is just about the cringiest thing to ever cringe.

Sausage kills one too many of her friends and/or allies. let's face it, Shrub, despite being raised by a demon, is still going to be a relatively sweet little gnome that would totally still make friends with the other rulers (especially maybe Lady Katherine [- nature wives, anyone?]). she would ally herself with the Wither Rose trio because: Gem is really nice, fWhip has his own corruption which reminds her a little bit of home, and Sausage, well he's just so likeable and fun to talk to.

then canon things happen between the trio and the alliance breaks. Shrub would find herself torn between her friends - Gem and fWhip have been so nice to her, but Sausage is helping to release Xornoth. there's no way she could choose sides, she just loves them all so much, so she'll try her best to stay friends with them all.

things get more complicated what with the aftermath of the dragon fight and her family is released upon the world. Sausage starts to fall, he becomes more reckless and violent, he craves bloodshed and it doesn't matter who's blood it belongs to - friend or foe, they're slain by his hand or they're captured for "interrogation" (ie, Scott and Gem being imprisoned).

Shrub cracks at seeing the pain he's caused and she becomes the Wolf Spirit in order to protect those she holds near and dear to her heart.

the so-called "interrogation". it could potentially mess with the timeline of things, namely Joey's thievery because I imagine he would try to take Lady Sun long before Xornoth is released. but maybe there's a work-around.

Joey could still steal Lady Sun, Shrub could still retaliate with aid from her wolf pack, Lord of Mars could still be slain, and Joey could still be cut down. the only difference is that she wouldn't become the Wolf Spirit, at least, not yet. maybe her and Mars' souls still join together, or maybe he just watches over the Undergrove until she calls for aid later on.

if so, it would be after the kidnapping of Scott and Gem, after they're interrogated and, in Gem's case, tortured. that event could be the last straw with both Sausage and Joey. what they did is cruel. and Shrub will not stand for it. she would call for aid from the forest-dwelling spirits and this time, this is where she would take up the mantle of Wolf Spirit, and she will cut. them. down.

so...yeah, the Wolf Spirit would probably still happen and if so, these are some of the ways that it could cause its appearance in the world of Empires.

thank you again for sending this question! I really appreciate it :D

and I think I found a better tag/title-esque idea thingy majig for the AU:

Found Family AU

so thank you so much! [again. - sorry, it's just been so long since I've felt the creative spark]