#glad the series is getting more recognition now but also i am afraid

[crispy-sand-gator]

made dunmesh oc/sona but i cant draw rn so all i got is colorless drawngs. his name is tilden and hes a half-foot who can never stay awake long enough

[entertainment]

Entertainment Spotlight: Bethany Antonia, Get Even

British actress Bethany Antonia plays Margot Rivers in Get Even, a new thriller series adapted from Gretchen McNeil’s Don’t Get Mad books. The show follows a group of girls who come together as DGM (Don’t Get Mad) to expose school bullies; when they realize they’re being framed for the murder of one of their targets, they set out to uncover the truth. Bethany spent her formative years in rural France, before returning to her hometown of Birmingham, UK, as a teen, and landing her first role in a short film of The Tempest for The Shakespeare Birthplace Trust. She went on to land roles on TV in BBC’s Doctors and Channel 4’s Stath Lets Flats, and in the film Pin Cushion, which premiered at the 74th Venice International Film Festival. Bethany is an advocate for social justice issues such as the Black Lives Matter movement, LGBTQIA+ rights, veganism, wildlife conservation, and sustainable living practices. 

What kind of research did you do for the role of Margot? Had you read the books before taking the role?

I read both of the books! I read them once after my first callback for the show, and then again while we were filming. I absolutely love the books. There’s something so special about doing a series that’s based on a book and flying through trying to find out what’s going to happen to your character. Margot is also the only American in a British school, so I spent a lot of time thinking about her background and trying to piece together what her story was before we meet her as part of DGM.

Margot is described as shy, but she’s also the brains behind a group that seeks to stop bullying. What drew you to the role?

I got attached to Margot right off the back of reading the audition sides. Her character is everything I wished I’d gotten to see more of when I was younger. A young black girl who is shy, into gaming, and isn’t sassy or argumentative in a lead role? Sign me UP. I just adored the concept for the entire show. I loved the idea of these four teenage girls setting up a secret society in their school because straight away, I saw the bigger picture of what they were doing. It’s telling young girls to stand up for what they believe in and not to be afraid to take matters into their own hands despite living in a world that repeatedly tells them to do otherwise. It felt so empowering, and I was just so determined to be a part of it.

When you hear Black Excellence, what or who comes to mind?

Black Excellence for me is confidence. It’s power and resilience. It’s excelling in your particular area of the industry and leading by an example that others can follow. When I think of black excellence, I think of Michaela Coel, a woman who is completely changing the game in the industry right now. I have been a massive fan of hers since watching her first show, Chewing Gum, but I am so glad she is getting the global recognition she deserves off the back of I May Destroy You. It was one of the best pieces of television I have ever seen.

What role do you think film/tv/radio should have regarding social realities in Britain? What needs to change?

I think that every single form of media should be an accurate depiction of the world we live in. Any individual should be able to tune in at any given time and see themselves represented in some way, shape, or form. Anything less than that, and we have failed. We have been failing for a really long time in Britain. Tuning into the media has felt like an artist painting a blank canvas paint with little droplets of colour for effect for too long. We need to move away from the idea that the stories of white, straight, slim, able-bodied people are the only stories that need to be told, and start reflecting the realities of our country, which is so beautifully diverse.

How do you deal with a bad day, and how do you like to celebrate the good ones?

If I’m having a bad day, I like to do a complete reset: switch off from social media for a few hours, take a hot bath with a face mask or two, pamper myself, listen to a podcast or read a really good book, eat some of my favourite foods, and just take care of myself. Finding time to practice self-care for yourself is something I think is really important. So I do a complete brain reset and remind myself that tomorrow is a brand new day, and none of the day’s bad-day energy has to carry itself onto the next. I like to celebrate the good ones with my family and friends around me, making sure I’m really present and enjoying the moment, being grateful for whatever it is we’re celebrating.

Do you have any advice for young Black women looking to get into acting?

I’d love to get a whole room full of young Black women together and just tell them over and over again that they’re enough. This industry can feel impossible to break into for most up and coming actors, but for Black women, that’s especially true. It’s hard to envision yourself in a career that hasn’t been visible for you. Breaking down the door is only half of the battle. Once you’re in, there’s a million and one more challenges that come as a direct result of being a Black woman. I’d tell them to find confidence in themselves and their abilities, the kind of confidence that comes from within that nobody can take away from them, even if they have to fake it at first. I’d tell them to be proactive and take their careers into their own hands, to look into what they’re doing now and consider if it’s truly benefitting them for the kind of work they want to be doing. And finally, I would tell them to cling onto their love of acting with everything they have. Even if it feels like you’re not hitting the kind of goals you want to be hitting yet. Nobody can take your love of this craft away from you.

If you could choose any book that you’ve read to be adapted into film or tv, which book would you choose, and who would you play?

I read an amazing book recently called While I Was Sleeping by Dani Atkins, and I’ve not stopped thinking about it for weeks. It’s about this young girl named Maddie who wakes up from a coma thinking a few minutes have passed, but actually, six YEARS have passed. She was due to be married and have a baby, and she wakes up to find that her whole life has essentially happened without her while she’s been asleep. In my head, the whole book has already played out as a film over and over, with me as Maddie, ha! It could be so beautifully adapted.

Which song always manages to get you up in the morning?

“You Can Get It If You Really Want” by Desmond Decker. Every single time.

Thanks for taking the time, Bethany! Get Even is now streaming on Netflix.

Photo: Michael Shelford

[eddiemunsonssoulmate]

Color is the place where our brain and the universe meet || Part 3

Pairing: JJ x Reader

Words: 2k

Summary: Soulmate!AU. Your vision is black and white until you touch your soulmate. In this chapter, you just want to forget but ignoring colors is quite hard.

A/N: Last part of the mini series, thanks so much for reading, liking and sharing!

Chapters: Part One, Part Two, Part Three

Available on: AO3

The last few days had been the absolute worst. You didn’t even know why it affected you so much, you shouldn’t care about a random boy that you’ve never seen before.

And yet here you were, laying in your bed in the early morning hours, pillow pressed against your chest after another night of crying.

Was this how it felt to lose a soulmate that you never really had? He was your soulmate but you weren’t this and that thought was ruining you.

Why did the universe have to play you like this? What did you do in your past life that you didn’t deserve happiness? You had so many questions but no one could answer you and it was driving you insane.

Maybe the pain would only be here for now and vanish soon enough. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. You’ve heard enough stories of people losing their soulmate in tragic accidents but they were okay sooner or later. This is what you could hope for.

Or maybe you’ll just die of broken heart syndrome.

God this was so stupid. You weren’t in love with him, didn’t know him and yet it felt like you had lost the love of your life. If this was what soulmates felt that were torn apart you didn’t want it. You’d gladly take back the black and white, this wasn’t worth it.

You needed distraction but at the same time, you’ve felt like you didn’t want to do anything.

You also hadn’t told anyone about what had happened. Your parents were too busy working the last few days. Sarah would have been the only one but she was in the Bahamas with her dad so you didn’t want to interrupt some quality family time. You’d tell her when she was back in a couple of days.

Suddenly your phone started to beep and you checked it quickly. A message from Topper.

‘Hey, wanna hang at the Golf Club today?’

You snorted because you knew he only asked you because his girlfriend wasn’t here at the moment and because Rafe had a thing for you. Normally it was Sarah that had to keep asking you to join them so her brother could throw you some looks.

Maybe it was the distraction you needed right now.

‘Sure, pick me up in half an hour?’

‘Gotcha!’

Half an hour wasn’t much time but enough to throw on some clothes and practice some fake smiling.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 You’ve never been a big fan of playing golf but you enjoyed the welcoming distraction.

The green grass under you smelled wonderfully while you just sat there and watched the boys play. For now it was only Rafe and Topper, apparently Kelce was going to join in later.

Your phone got the most attention though because you knew Rafe was trying to impress you with how good he was at hitting the balls across the field. Not something you cared about if you were honest.

A yawn left your mouth and you looked up at the clear blue sky above you, smiling slightly. Even though you didn’t want this because it wasn’t a happy thing you couldn’t deny the beauty in it.

Rafe and Topper were walking across the field and talked while you were laying down in the grass and taking a deep breath.

Moments passed before you heard a commotion so you sat upwards again and saw how the two boys were talking to another one that was carrying some bags.

You groaned loudly when they started to push him around, you could hear Rafe yell ‘Pogue’ at the other boy. It was a thing you never understood, their hate for the so called Pogues. Not that you’ve cared much either, you’ve barely been to that side of the island, avoided boneyard parties and all of that.

It was only when they started to push him around and throwing him to the ground that you got up and hurried over there.

“Guys stop, what the fuck,” you yelled while running down a hill toward the sandy pathway.

Topper looked up at you but Rafe kept kicking the bags around, laughing loudly. You’ve barely arrived when another boy jumped out and threw himself against Rafe, kicking him to the ground.

It took a second and a pain in your chest to realize you knew that boy that was currently getting thrown to the ground by Rafe too.

“Rafe, stop!” you yelled at him and he stopped for a second to look at you before getting punched in the face by the blonde boy you’ve met before.

The other boy they had beaten before had gotten up from the ground and pulled at the blonde while Topper pulled at Rafe, trying to get them apart.

“JJ, let’s go,” the stranger one said and it was only then when the ocean blue eyes of the blonde boy locked eyes with yours.

“It’s you,” he breathed out and your bottom lip started to wobble a little at the recognition. He wanted to say something but Rafe was getting in front of you.

“Take your Pogue eyes off her!” he snarled and JJ was about to attack him again but the other boy was able to hold him back.

“Rafe, let him be. Let’s just go, okay?” you asked him with a soft tone and pulled on his arm which made him move, Topper close on your heels.

“Wait, please!” The voice made you cringe and you closed your eyes for a moment, stopping in your tracks but before he could say anything else you hurried back inside the building. You didn’t want to hear what he was saying, he was the reason you were in this mess in the first place.

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days had passed and you tried to get his voice out of your head. Should you have waited for him? Listen to what he wanted to say? Did you do the right thing with leaving? You had no idea anymore.

The house was dark when you returned home from a friend’s place, your parents were on a small vacation. You had the place to yourself and you were really glad. Now you were able to sulk in peace without anyone asking questions.

Distraction wasn’t working so you went to the kitchen. Food would help. Food always helped. You took a bowl and simply poured some cereal and milk into it, that would be enough for a late night snack.

When you were about to sat down on the couch to watch your favourite show while eating the doorbell rang.

You huffed angrily and put the bowl down before walking towards the door. It was 11pm during a normal weekday, if it was your drunkard of neighbor again you’d probably hit him on the head with something this time.

Swinging the door open you expected everyone, hell even Wards in a unicorn costume but not him.

JJ.

You’ve remembered his name from when his friend called him. You had no idea what it stood for and you had no desire to figure it out.

The blue eyes looked at you in wonder and you were about to close the door in his face but something inside of you was pulling you towards him, stopping you from throwing the wood into his face.

“Hey,” he simply said and pulled the red cap from his head, giving you a crooked smile.

“What can I do for you?” you asked him, trying to sound indifferent but failing miserably.

“I was looking for you the past few days,” he started and shifted his weight from one leg to the other. “I wanted to apologize. Back at the bakery...I saw colors too. Still do.”

The words hit you like a punch to the gut and you let out a small gasp, jaw clenching in anger a moment later.

“And you let me believe I’m a tragic soulmate? Wow, thanks for that. Fuck you,” you almost yelled at him and this time your arm would move, throwing the door close but he held his hand out, stopping it from closing shut completely.

“Please, let me explain! I’m begging you.” 

You didn’t want to listen to him, didn’t want to see him, didn’t want him around and yet, you opened the door again to look into his sad blue eyes. You didn’t want them to look so sad, wanted them to shine. God, you hated this.

“I’m a Pogue, I have nothing. You’re a Kook, I saw this right when we met. I thought maybe I could save you from a life with...me,” he immediately started as soon as you opened the door some more, taking the small chance you were giving him.

“For people like you I’m trash. Not worth anything. I was so scared you’d think the same of me or that we’d try it and you’d see that I’m not worth it, leaving me in the end just like a lot of people did. Giving up on me.That’s why I said that,” he kept explaining himself and you could see in his eyes that he was genuine in his words. You had no idea that normally, he wouldn’t tell this any person, would keep it locked down inside of him until it was eating him alive.

You had no idea he was feeling that strong pull like you did.

“What made you change your mind?” you asked him and opened the door even more, looking at him with a tear falling down your cheek. There was this tone in his voice, pain and anger and something else that you couldn’t put your finger on it. It was something that hurt you, it was almost like you’ve felt his pain.

“A chance at a future...with my soulmate.” You saw how he swallowed hard when he spoke those words to you, clearly afraid what your answer would be.

“I hope you know you’ve hurt me really badly. I thought I had lost my shot at this whole thing.” You gestured between you two as if you had any idea what exactly this was. “I’ve felt so lost these past days.”

“I really am sorry for this. I’m an idiot, a lot of times actually but I’d like to make it up to you.” He took a step towards you and you weren’t sure if you wanted to do the same or to take one back instead.

“And how are you planning to do this?” you asked him, not quite sure what to make of the situation.

He simply extended his hand and waited for you to take it. You hesitated for a couple of moments before taking his rough hand in yours. 

The touch took your breath away for a moment and his face told you he felt the same. A smile appeared on his lip, a smile that you wanted to see more often.

“You have such beautiful eyes,” he told you and you blushed, not letting go of his warm hand. It fit like it would belong there. “My name’s JJ and I’d like to start over.”

His words made your heart skip a beat and you couldn’t do anything else but smile back at him.

“I’m (y/n) and I’d like that too.”

[terrm9]

CHAPTER 6 - Decision

"We are going to watch Sherlock," Ethan answered her curious question without even bothering to raise his eyes from the laptop.

Chiara tried to supress her surprised and pleased smile, but gave up eventually, tired of hiding her emotions. Something in her chest felt suddenly warm, Ethan's gesture screaming "I care for you" better than he could ever express it by his words.

Still, Chiara couldn't help but ask: "Why are we watching Sherlock now?"

"Because you are bored to death in this hospital and need to spend your evenings somehow and you told me that Sherlock was your favourite series," he responded matter of factly, shrugging.

"That doesn't explain why you are watching Sherlock with me."

"I liked the story as a kid. And I've seen the Cumberbatch guy in The Imitation Game, which I surpisingly liked, so I decided to give this a shot," he said, waving his hand towards the laptop's screen, where the first episode of Sherlock waited to be watched.

"I also wanted to keep you company," he added much more quietly, now looking at the tips of his shoes.

Chiara's smile spread even wider through her face and she reached for his hand. He tensed at the touch, but relaxed immediately and looked at her, smiling shyly at her, the kind of smile she's never seen, the one to make him look somehow younger. Without a word, she moved to the one side of the bed and patted the free side. Ethan put the laptop on the chair, adjusting everything so that they could see just right and, taking Chiara's clue, sat down on the bed next to her, hugging her petit frame with his arm. She put her head to the crook of his neck and with smile still on her face, poured her mind into the series she loved so much.

Almost five hours and three episodes later, they finished the first season and closed the laptop, deciding to watch the next one some other day.

"So? What do you think?" Chiara asked, sitting straighter on the bed and looking at Ethan.

"I guess I see why you like it so much. It might not be a complete waste of time," he grinned. "I liked that the humor they used wasn't stupid or rude, that you have to be at least a little bit clever to find it funny."

"What do you think about Sherlock, as a character?"

"He is genius, obviously, but he is also kind of an asshole," he answered and decided to elaborate at the questioning look Chiara gave him. "John is trying so hard to be a good friend to him, he cares about him, he sticks with him and Sherlock just keeps saying how he doesn't have anyone and doesn't need anyone and is using John when it's convenient for him. At the same time, everyone can see that he cares about John so much, but instead of telling him, he is an ass."

Chiara chuckled at his monologue and couldn't supress her need to point out: "Really? He actually reminds me of you a lot."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You know, his whole attitude. 'Alone is what I have. Alone protects me.' Deep down, Sherlock is such a pure soul and cares for others so much, but at the same time is so scared of being hurt or left alone, that he keeps choosing to be alone. And then John comes into his life and he just refuses to admit that he loves him because that would totally destroy his whole carefully built 'I don't need anyone in my life' attitude. Just like you."

Ethan was silent for a long time after her words. It made his heart sink, realizing how right she was once again.

Chiara, just like John Watson, stood by his side all this time, no matter how hard he was on her, how hard he pushed her away. She stayed and she kept helping him, she kept being the amazing friend he never deserved in the first place.

Ethan, just like Sherlock Holmes, instead of admiting how much he loved her, how much she meant to him, pushed her away every time she got too close. Instead of adoring her like she deserved to be adored, he made it impossibly hard to stick with him for her.

Yet, she never gave up on him. She didn't give up on him even when he gave up on himself.

But not anymore. He couldn't let her down anymore. He wanted, he needed to make things right after all those fails he's made.

He desperately wanted to tell her how wrong he was and how much he wanted to turn things right, but he noticed how Chiara yawned and how her eyes were barely open. He couldn't burden her with such words now, when she needed to sleep, needed her energy to recover. So instead, he said: "I am glad to see that your observational ability hasn't been harmed."

~

Despite being stuck in her hospital room, Chiara didn't feel lonely. Ethan would keep her company every evening, while her friends came to see her through the day. And if, by any chance, she didn't have anyone to talk to, she'd facetime her mum or her sister.

Things seemed to be taking the right turn for her after all. She was able to walk with the help of canes and even though it only lasted a few minutes a day, it filled her with hope that eventually, she could get back to her normal. Ethan insisted on some more blood tests, which she didn't mind, knowing that the worst diagnoses were already ruled out.

And yet, the cold feeling spreading slowly in her chest made all of her progress seem negligible. The cold feeling that came in every time she thought about Ethan Ramsey.

In the past weeks, their relationship has been better than she could've ever imagined. They laughed, watched Sherlock - which she could see he loved, even though he would never admit that, instead commenting it to be "not the worst thing ever produced". He kissed her forehead good night and held her hand every single evening. She'd tease him and he would scold her, just to laugh at her words seconds after. They were comfortable around each other and it all felt just right.

Chiara's been waiting. Every time he stepped into the room, she thought to herself 'This is it. We're finally talking about what we are'. And every time she was left disappointed, because no matter how much time they spent around each other, he'd never bring that up. He'd never talk about what they actually were.

And heck, if the only thing they could ever be was this; this open, honest, comfortable friendship, she would take it without a second thought. Because it made them both so very happy. Only she didn't know if they were friends. She swam in the sea of confusion and sadness and even anger, because Ethan wouldn't talk to her. And she was tired of pushing him to talk to her.

Therefore, she waited and waited and waited for the conversation that never came.

~

Three days before her presumed discharging, Chiara was rather surprised to see Dr. Hirata come into her room. Usually, it was Ethan with the news, blood tests results, progress checks and recovery plans.

"June? Is something wrong?" she asked, studying the unreadable face of the older doctor.

"I have your results from immunology," she answered directly.

"I thought those has already come few days ago."

"Yes and something in them caught my eye, so I ordered additional tests and they confirmed what I thought. Look, Chiara, this has nothing to do with the accident, but I think it would be unfair to keep this from you and I am aware of you studying your own file once you are back to work, so you'd eventually find out anyway. There's disfunction in your immune system that affects your fertility," she said slowly, pausing when she noticed Chiara's shocked face slowly turn into recognition.

"I guess you know what that means," she added.

Chiara nodded and whispered, more to herself than June: "It means that my body fights the sperm as something harmful. And there's nothing I can do? I could never get pregnant?"

"When the disfunction is caught early enough, there are chances for reversal, but it seems like you are suffering from this for quite a long time now. I am afraid there's nothing we could do anymore."

Chiara turned her head towards the large window, fixing her gaze on the tree outside of the room. She felt like throwing up and punching something at the same time. The lump in her throat grew bigger and bigger and now matter how hard she fought back the tears, they found their way down her cheeks.

"Do you want to talk?" June asked gently.

"I'd like to be alone," Chiara whispered in return, not needing to turn around to know, that Dr. Hirata would respect her decision.

She didn't know how long she's been staring at the leaveless branches of the huge tree, but she knew it was not long enough to calm the storm inside her whole body. Trying desperately to feel something else than this unknown dumbness, she got up of the bed and with the help of canes stumbled to the window.

Soft knock on the door interrupted her and she turned her head to see Ethan hesitating by the door frame.

"May I come in?"

He never asked her if he could come in. He simply came in and took his seat next to her.

"You know, don't you?" She asked, wiping the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand.

Ethan nodded and crossed the room, so that he could stand next to her. She was leaning on the canes heavily and her breath was slightly ragged and Ethan knew that she must've been in so much pain, but he couldn't bring himself to tell her to lie down, knowing that the physical pain could cloud her inner pain at least a little bit. He put his hand on her shoulder and with the voice so quiet and so soft, he said: "I am so very sorry, Chiara. I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I know that that is not possible at the moment."

She shook her head, not looking at him anymore. For a long time, both of them kept quiet, looking out of the window, finding the right words. Or, in Chiara's case, finding any words.

After all, she managed: "I don't even have a serious relationship. It's not like I was planning to get pregnant anytime soon. But God, I could see having children somewhen in my life. I know that there are doctors, like you, that cannot imagine having kids because their work takes too much time. And I want to be a good doctor and change the world, but I always thought that at some point, I would stop being the full time doctor, I would end the time consuming career and I would become a mother. Mother and a regular doctor. Not the best one, not the richest one, not the most famous one. Just a normal doctor with normal life and a normal family."

At this point, Chiara was crying loudly, her knuckled white from the force she used to hold the canes. Ethan turned her around so that she would face him and hugged her tightly, letting her crash into him. He kept drawing soothing circles on her back while whispering: "Just cry, Chiara. Cry and scream, let it out. I am here. I am right here."

She cried loudly, letting the canes fall to the ground, grabbing Ethan's coat instead, holding onto it as if it could hold her whole weight. Lifting her gently, Ethan managed to get her back to her bed, kneeling beside her and holding her small hands between his own.

After long minutes, Chiara calmed down enough to get her breath back to normal and Ethan decided to use this as a opportunity to talk.

"The chances of you getting pregnant are low, but I know women with the same diagnosis and eventually, they got pregnant. The number of such cases is very low, but it is there."

"I think I've beaten the odds enough for one lifetime," Chiara smiled sadly.

"You would make wonderful mother and I'd like to believe that one day, you could have your own child. But there are always other options and I personally think that if there's someone, who would be an outstanding adoptive parent, it would be you."

He stroked her cheek slowly, wiping the new tears away while doing it. Chiara closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, finding the warmth of his body comforting enough to breathe normally.

~

After making sure that Chiara was sleeping soundly, Ethan decided to get some paperwork done back in his office. Three minutes after starting to work, he found himself staring at the ceiling, thinking about how much he wanted to tell her everything.

Every day, he wanted to express his feelings, to tell her how selfishly he wanted nothing more than to be with her. How, if they found out that their relationship could actuallt destroy her career, he was willing to leave Edenbrook instantly, so that they wouldn't be collegues anymore. Oh how he wished to kiss her senslessly, to take her hand and kiss the tips of her fingers anytime he wanted. How he longed to have her in his arms and call her his, his Chiara, his Dr. Ray, his, his, his.

He fought the urgent feeling to tell her, knowing that in two days, she'll be discharged and they would be able to talk in privacy of his or her apartment.

He already asked Naveen for two days off after her dismissal, planning to cook her lunch and finish watching Sherlock and then finally getting to the talk he promised her months ago.

On the other side of the hospital wing, Chiara woke up from yet another nightmare and, unable to fall back asleep, allowed the thoughts she's been avoiding so much, to come to the surface of her mind.

She knew what she needed to do and she knew that it was selfish to keep this discussion until the end of her hospital stay, knowing that she will spend another two weeks at home. Outside the hospital.

What she was going to do would break her, but it needed to be done. And the fact that she'd have two weeks to get herself back together, without seeing him, played just well for her.

~

Chiara was packing her stuff, waiting for the discharging papers, her stomach clenched at the knowledge of what was to come.

"There you go," Ethan walked in, wide smile on his face as he handed her the signed papers. Her heart broke at the sight of him.

"Thanks," she muttered, taking them.

"Is someone coming to get you?"

"Yes, Bryce will take me home. He is actually already waiting for me, so I guess I should get going."

"Right," he nodded, the idea of Chiara leaving with Bryce Lahela making him frown. "Look, I was thinking that maybe I could come to see you tomorrow and make you some lunch-"

"I think it's better if you don't, Ethan," she interrupted him.

"Oh?"

"Thank you. For staying with me while I was here. But I guess we both agree that it was way past the professional line and therefore this kind of interaction has to end."

"What are you implying, Chiara?" He asked, confusion and pain written all over his face.

"I cannot go on like this, Ethan. For these two weeks, we've been together every day. We talked so much about everything, but not once we've gotten to talking about us. And I get it. I know why it had to be that way. Because my recovery was far more important and you couldn't cause some kind of setback by telling me that we cannot be together. I understand, I really do," she took a deep breath before continuing. "I am not angry. But Lord, I am scared. Every time you walk into this room and look serious, I expect you to say it. To push me away. To leave. I just keep wondering if you'd leave me to go to Brazil again, or which country would need you this time? New Zealand? Thailand? Rwanda? And I wouldn't just get through it, because I care for you Ethan, I admire you, I respect you, for God's sake I love you. And even if there's no kind of romantic involvement ever planned for us, I'd still love you, as a friend, as a doctor, as a mentor, as the man you are."

The tears were shining in the corners of her eyes, but her voice was steady.

"But I need to love myself too. I need to care for myself. And I need to end things now, before you have a chance to push me away again, because that would crush me."

"Chiara, please," Ethan whispered, his hands shaking by his side. "Please, let us talk."

"We've had plenty of time to talk."

"I am sorry Chiara," his voice was cracking, his eyes full of plea.

"I am sorry, too. Thank you for your care, Dr. Ramsey," she said, grabbing her bag into one hand and the wooden cane into another, leaning on it as she walked away of the room.

"Stay safe, Chiara," he whispered, even though he knew she couldn't hear him, anymore.

He fell on the, now empty, bed, the bed he used to spend so many days and nights next to, watching her, talking to her. Hot tears were streaming down his face and he didn't bother to get rid of them, he didn't care if anyone could see him.

 You got what you deserved, Ramsey. She did the same thing you kept doing to her. She pushed you away before you could leave her and she was right. She deserves better than you. She deserves to be happy and nothing else but happy.

His own thoughts kept torturing him but he knew he deserved to be tortured. He deserved the pain he felt now, knowing that it was the pain he caused Chiara to feel.

He almost made things right. His plan almost worked and they were almost happy.

They were almost happy together. Happy with each other.

But almost is never enough.

[deserted-kite]

The series Suits

I finished the 7th season and watched one episode from the 8th so my judgment will not be on the whole series.

!!!Spoiler alert!!!

I really enjoyed Suits. It felt planned, the action logical and thought-through. I like how it shows both the good and the bad side of being a lawyer. It shows how hard it is to succeed in the world no matter how hard you try ( Luis as an example). Also where women stand along with different races and skin colours. With the cases we were able to see different life challenges/ problems people deal with. Even if you are not interested in law it is still a good opportunity to learn a bit about how the law sistem works. Now, I can’t say if it is actually like that but it definitely gave me an idea of the world of law and what I could do if ever in a difficult situation.

The caracters are built very well. I like how Mike even by being a genius threw away his life because of bad influence which shows how much your life depends on your choices more than you as a person. Though I think after prison we kind of lost his witty sense of humor and his movie quotes with Harvey. I think it was a wrong choice for him to get a license. If he brcame a teacher as it was mentioned he could, it would be just right.

Harvey’s caracter is very complex. We see him as the “bad boy” type of caracter which of course is a bit stereotypical and worn out. But if done right it can do miracles. I , personally, loved him but I guess it’s about the way you look at him. I love how he opened up. Definitely his relationship with Paula ( the therapist) was a big step to his emotional growth. The moment his panic attacks started I felt the series were the most interesting as well as when was Mike’s trial. During that time I feel that Harvey’s caracter was in a bad place mentality but definitely in a good place as a development.

Donna. I love her. I mean who doesn’t? She is funny, charming, smart. Donna has a dream of becoming an actress, faithful to Harvey. Her caracter was just the” light “ of the show. The relationship between her and Harvey was great though I think their romantic one should have been established and progressed earlier in the show. Otherwise, I love everything about Donna.

Now, Rachel in general is very sweet. I really like how they made her cheat bacuse that made her imperfect. Before that she was very idealised. ( This also goes for when Donna screwed up with that evidence file) But what I love most about Rachel is how she shows us that grades and wether you go to Harvard or no make you agood lawyer or worthy to be one. ( This kind of goes for Mike but not exactly because be is a geniusBut she doesn’t give up fighting for her dream. I love how the series show that your worth is not based on grades, marks or always results. ( This can also be seen in the 7th season with that associate Luis became friends with) In general Rachel is a really sweet person and her growth was more in a career/ relationship way than mentaly.

Luis is also great. I loved his caracter even though I feel the writers were too harsh with him. He should have married Sheila the first time and this with kids shouldn’t have happened in my opinion. He deserved that happy marriage. He is the caracter with the most obvious imperfections. He is quirky and weird but you cannot not love him. Luis improved as a person the most.

Jessica! God help if you don’t admire that woman for everything she is and does for the others. Absolutely stunning! Brave and wise at the same time. Even if I was sad when she desided to give up the firm I felt it was the right thing to do because it would give Harvey a chance to step up to his full potential. I am glad she returned for some episodes from time to time.

I can’t talk about all the caracters but I love how they were built and created. How their actions matched their personalities and way of thinking.

The MUSIC! Let’s talk about the music. I usually don’t notice it or if I do I don’t really like it. But HERE... probably one of the best features of the series. I shazamed so much my spotify playlist is Suits based. They also chose unknown artists which probably deserve more recognition and I really value that. Especially because when being unknown they are kind of only yours.

So the 8th season is just too big of a change for me. I am afraid I won’t like it and never see the series the same way again. What I wished is for it to end the 7th season with Ross and Rachel getting married. Harvy finally stables the firm after Jessica and either starts dating Donna or stayes with Paula. Luis having a kid with Sheila or not... whatever just them together.

Loved it but I won’t watch the 8th season.

[coinofstone]

5x12 The Diamond of the Day pt 1

Final two episodes! Big finale! Why am I making myself cry in the middle of the afternoon! Both eps in this post.

I do love that they made Arthur a sore loser

Enter treacherous white woman #2. Srsly it was lazy writing when they did it for Mordred, it's worse now with Gwaine.

I do love the actual Round Table war room discussion but a) why isn't Merlin seated at the round table and b) why does Leon have so much goddamn faith in Camelot's walls? Like??? You literally said the same thing last year and yet Camelot *did* fall when Agravaine brought an army through the tunnels!

Poor Aithusa. Kid's had a rough life.

I do love Arthur responding to Merlin presenting him with all his supplies ready - which he prepared without his magic mind you - with suspicion 😂

But then he calls Merlin a coward and it's sad

Katie has such a great voice. That entire thing in the cave from her taunting to her laughter to the spell, it just just beautifully played.

Whole ass battle to prepare for and Arthur is just walking around moping cuz Merlin isn't there

So, Merlin's father-vision telling him he's magic itself and he just needs to believe in himself to get his magic going again, does this mean he *didn't* need to go to the cave to get it back? Cuz it seems like he needed to recharge in the cave itself, his injuries were healed when he woke up. That seems like magic cave stuff to me.

Also that "always have been and always will be" - I'm taking to mean 'always have been' in the sense that since he's 'magic itself' even before he was born, his magic existed in other, intangible forms, like we are all stardust etc. But now that he is, he will always be, aka he will not die.

Arthur waking up with his wife in his arms and Merlin's name on his lips, jumping out of bed to act on dream-info.

Balinor telling Merlin to trust in what will be.... like bitch that is literally not how this ends.

5x13 The Diamond of the day pt 2

You know that gif of the cat knocking everything off the table? That's literally Merlin shooting lightning at everyone from his perch on the ridge.

I have a lot of snarky things to say about Merlin coming out of the cave in full Dragoon gear and riding a horse instead of teleporting like the other witches but I'ma keep that to myself.

Mordred is a bitch and Aithusa has terrible aim. At least Aithusa's loyalty to Morgana makes sense.

Arthur said oh shit I'm magic - oh wait no it's that old man again

He also straight up "No! Bad dragon!"-ed Aithusa

Y'know, for all I've watched this episode and screamed about Arthur's death, I don't think I've ever focused on the exact moment he gets stabbed before.

Mordred catches him from behind and he meets it, no fault there. But as soon as he realizes his assailant is the knight who turned on him and joined Morgana, what does he do? HE LOWERS HIS FUCKING SWORD

He leaves himself wide fucking open and vulnerable and Mordred seizes the opportunity. I understand wanting the moment of recognition for Arthur, but on what planet is a trained warrior going to drop his sword mid-attack because he recognizes his attacker as a dude who only just recently decided to forsake him? It's soooooo dumb

There was a whole sequence a few episodes back where Mordred and Arthur are sparring, the point of it was to show that Mordred has become a skilled swordsman. So what exactly was the point in having Mordred run Arthur through as soon as Arthur idiotically lets his guard down? This should've been a meticulously choreographed sword fight, with Mordred getting the upper hand and sticking Arthur properly. Not this nonsense. Look at Arthur's FACE! Oh, Mordred... 👉👈 do you maybe wanna be friends again- STAB ... guess not

Uther's been rolling in his grave but he's taking an extra tumble watching Arthur forget all his skills and training in that moment.

I do appreciate Arthur getting Mordred back though. Like that moment of merciless anger followed by the hurt and regret playing on Arthur's face, warring with surety and responsibility. It was good.

I've rewatched the big confession scene about 16 times just now.

I don't quite understand why Merlin took Arthur to the woods to begin with. Instead of bringing him to the med tent in the battlefield or back to Camelot. What was the reason?

Merlin saying it feels strange (to use magic freely in front of Arthur) and him just going 'yeah' completely deadpan makes me laugh every time.

I really feel like Arthur's head should be elevated at a further incline if he's going to be fed.

Gaius refusing to outright expose Merlin as the sorcerer but nonetheless letting Gwen figure it out on her own warms my heart.

My God Arthur is sitting there dying, feeling betrayed about his best friend 'lying' to him, and still he can't stop himself from looking at Merlin's mouth.

Percival summoned MUSCLE POWER

Hey um random but why does Gwaine even know where Merlin and Arthur are headed? Why would Gaius tell him?

Arthur looks at Merlin so lovingly after he's killed Morgana 😭😭

And now he's literally grabbing at the man's hand 😭 "just hold me, please"

That's gotta be the gayest death scene in television history. If you can watch that without thinking Arthur puts his hand on the back of Merlin's head because some part of him wants to bring him down for a kiss, or that "just hold me, please" is in any way shape or form a 'bros' thing, and certainly not at all an intentional mirror/callback to Isolde dying in Tristan's arms, then I'm afraid you are what we professionals refer to as a dumb-as-nails fucknugget, more commonly phrased as 'willfully ignorant'.

"All that you have dreamt of building has come to pass" yeah except for the whole, y'know, magic still being illegal thing.

I've said this before, but, while I'm sure there was a determined intention to have Arthur die in his armor, probably in some kind of attempt to make sure the audience knows he's died a warrior's death, I *really* think it was kinda stupid that Merlin never removed it, despite Arthur being weak, despite the fact that there was something like five days between him getting stabbed and him actually dying, despite that for the duration of that time they were traveling or hiding out. Merlin managed to produce a cloak to put on Arthur, why did he need the full armor on that whole time? Like even if they left the chainmail on, those plates on his shoulder were just getting in the way, and it looked quite uncomfortable.

Also not for nothing but Lancelot got like, every flower in the forest surrounding lush verdant greens in his death boat, Arthur gets a bunch of sticks.

It suddenly occurs to me, watching this now, that the reason Leon/Percival is such a common side pairing in Merthur fics, is because these two motherfuckers are the only original Knights of the Round Table to survive the series. 🤦‍♀️ I dunno how I failed to notice that before now. My stupidity amazes me.

I'm *really* glad they decided to do this scene with Gwen wearing the Pendragon red dress instead of the black mourning dress. Yes she looks fabulous in it but it's more the symbolism than the 'reality' - with Gwen wearing her house's colors it represents a continuation rather than a finality. Camelot will go on, Gwen will undoubtedly end the war on magic and with Morgana dead (and frankly, I think by now she already brought about the death of all the angry incel type rulers in Albion) there stands to reason her reign will begin with a period of peace, possibly longer than Arthur's. We kind of have to assume that the 'time the poets speak of' is, inevitably, Gwen's reign - which only came about through Arthur's death. It's a little bit toooo subtle in my opinion, but at the same time, I understand the need for the focus on Merlin and Arthur - after all, this show was their journey - not leaving much time to focus on Gwen and Camelot in the aftermath of Arthur's death.

I will just say, the first time I watched this that fucking truck scared the ever living shit out of me. I also just immediately, viscerally hated that scene and declared it invalid - but I think it was because the truck made me jump out of my skin. It has since grown on me, particularly once I started reading 'Arthur Returns' fic.

Everything beyond this point is post-series spec and headcanon, so if that's not your jam you can exit safe in the knowledge that as usual, if there's anything worth commenting on in the S5 extras, I will create a separate post!

For those interested, my go-to post-series fic is We Begin Again by katherynefromphilly I fully headcanon this series as the continuation of the series.

I have a lot of thoughts about Gwen and Merlin post-Camlann.

For one, poor fucking Gwen. She's lost her father, her brother, and her husband, all by what, age 30? That's rough. And who knows what happened to her mom, that was pre-series and I don't think it was ever mentioned.

Merlin, dear god poor Merlin. First of all, I just wanna say straight off that my instinctive headcanon about Merlin was that he never returned to Camelot. I couldn't really say why exactly. I just don't think he could stand being there after Arthur's death. But practically speaking, Merlin's still got Aithusa to deal with, that dragon needs some godsdamned house training asap. He's still the last Dragonlord, it's reasonable to assume he'd immediately take that on considering Aithusa is partially responsible for Arthur's death (the sword Mordred killed Arthur with, only succeeded in killing Arthur because it had been forged in Aithusa's fire-breath) so he's either going to attempt to train the bad behaviors out of Aithusa, or...well...

The only thing is, I do not believe Merlin would abandon Gwen, or Gaius. So my hc is inherently flawed. I do think Merlin probably spend a couple months with his mum, and I do think he ultimately settled near lake Avalon waiting for Arthur's return.

But I do wonder, what must their relationship have been like? Gwen, surely, would've sought his guidance in establishing laws governing the use of magic. And surely, peace cannot last indefinitely, so Merlin absolutely would've defended Camelot and protected Gwen. There's just no way he could've completely turned his back on them, but I doubt he could bear living in Camelot. And Gwen is both strong and practical enough to get on without him there 24/7, even though I'm sure she'd miss him.

I also think she would've found love again. Whether with Leon, as many people hc, or someone else not in the series.

ANYWAY.

Thanks to everyone who came on this journey with me. I will post comments on the extras if I have anything worth saying - and I think I'll do a master post linking all these episode posts after I clean them up once I get time to sit at a computer and do so. Until then! 💙💚

(Gif source) (h/t @shut-up-merlin)

[kenzierose53]

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!

I just want to give a shoutout to some of the most amazing people on here. I have been going through a whole lot recently and I just want to thank everyone who helped me out through this time. Without these people I don’t know where I would be. These people mean the world to me and I appreciate them so much.  I owe these people my entire existence! 

@bleuaceofsparrows​ - Sparrow you have made me feel a lot less alone during these times. Last night you helped me out a whole lot by bringing me to the light. I appreciate how you always make me feel important, like you really care about me. Seeing your art and writing is always so inspiring! You are beyond talented in everything you do! I love you so much it’s not even funny. Even if I am the occasional dumbass, you always bring light into my life ♥️

@evrydlce​ - I don’t think there are enough words in the galaxy to describe how much I appreciate you. Hannah dear you are just so wonderful. You always light up my feed. You are always posting such positive messages to everyone to help us all feel better. My beautiful, talented sunshine you deserve every ounce of happiness in the world! I love you will all my heart pretty girl. Also I’m not even 100% sure you’re not Eva Noblezada...I cannot thank you enough for being my friend and supporting me. I appreciate the hell out of you  ♥️

@dilforpheus​ - Annika my dear you were my first friend on here and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! God I cannot appreciate your presence in my life enough. Girl you are one of the funniest, chaotic, sweetest, real people I have even met. You are not afraid to tell it as it is and I admire that. Holy hell girl I appreciate everything that you do for me. Last night when we talked and just shared our struggles...that really helped. You help me in more ways than one and I can’t imagine doing this without you. My beautiful future doctor I’m glad that you were brought into my life. I couldn’t do this without you! Even your little message you sent me as I was writing this made my heart  so happy. Something as simple as checking in on me made me feel so much better! THANK YOU for being in my life ♥️

@hollywoodx4 - Danielle our long conversations about our lives right now has been so comforting. We have been talking about things in our lives, our pasts, and our future. This “normal”ish conversations we have been having is just so comforting. You are so supportive of me and my micro-documentary series that I am producing. That support is so important to me right now. I cannot thank you enough for being so supportive and loving towards me. Also I will fight off all the mean parents for you ♥️

@rollingthunder06 - Rt we may have barely spoken but you are one of the most supportive people I have ever met. I can always depend on you to send me super sweet asks when I am feeling down. You also are super supportive of my writing and I appreciate that so much. You always make me feel like what I am writing is not trash. I may not say this enough but I appreciate the hell out of you and I love you very much! ♥️

@pansexualandscared - Jordan sweetie I love you very much. You always hop in to make sure I am doing okay. Within seconds of me posting last night you were there distracting me, taking my mind off of the pain. You pulled me out of a bad anxiety attack last night. I cannot say how much I love you. You are so supportive and kind to everyone. You always make sure everyone is happy and feeling good and loved. You make sure that people see the love and happiness in the world. Please continue to spread your sunshine angel ♥️

@imsocatastrophic - KAS! Hello dear I love you very much! Last night was the first time we really spoke and I appreciate all you did for me last night. My goodness you didn't even hesitate to reach out to me and help me feel better even thought I was kinda a stranger. You made me feel important, loved, and like I was wanted here. I just want to say I appreciate everything you did for me and I really want to get to know you more. Also you don’t get near enough recognization for how amazing you are! Kas is such a gem who deserve so much love and happiness! ♥️

@hadestowntextpostsmain - Lauren I appreciate you so much! I can always count on you to send me fun little asks when I post the prompts. Last night was also the first time we really spoke and wow I appreciate you so much. You made me see that what I am doing is valid and okay. You made me feel like I am making a difference in the community, that I am helping others. Last night we both aired our grievances and helped each other though it. Lauren I seriously want to thank you so much for all you did. I don’t think you get enough recognition for how caring and helpful you are! Thank you so much for everything last night ♥️ 

Also special shoutout to Mo ( @mimymomo )! Mo messaged me for the first time today while I was writing this and my heart swelled. She was checking in on me, making me feel seen and hear. She is just so sweet and I really appreciate her kindness. I hope that I get the chance to get to know her better over the next few weeks. Mo I bet you may be shocked to see you on here but I think you are amazing and so kind! Thank you for also being such a light in the community ♥️ 

I’m really sorry if anyone feels left out! These are the people that have really helped me out the most over the past few days. I cannot thank you all enough for all that you do for me. I am so blessed to have you all in my life. ♥️

I love you all so much ♥️

You all deserve every bit of happiness in the world ♥️

[amandajoyce118]

Agents Of SHIELD Easter Eggs For My Missed Episodes

Okay, so I fell very far behind the last few weeks. Work has been busy and exhausting, freelance work has been busy as well, and the state of the world in general here in Florida is pretty much the apocalypse. So, this Sunday, I binged the episodes I’ve missed. The Easter eggs are under the cut (or whatever tumblr calls it, I am livejournal old.) just because this is going to get long.

We’re starting with S7E07. Yes, that’s how far behind I am.

Obviously, there are spoilers, but since I feel like everyone else is ahead of me at this point, that’s probably a given. If you just want to escape the world for a while, have some Easter eggs.

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S7E07 “The Totally Excellent Adventures Of Mack And The D”

The title

It’s a reference to the time traveling adventures of Bill and Ted, of course.

River’s End

This is the town just near the Lighthouse. It’s the town where Deke first materialized on Earth back in season five. 

Run SOP7.07

When Russell gets the computer from his old classmate to check out, this is what’s on the screen when he boots it up. I think we all know that’s a reference to this being the seventh episode of the seventh season if you catch it on screen. The writing on the first print out kind of looks like Kree writing, but I think that’s just because all of the alien writing in the show looks Kree. (This whole sequence has nods to War Games, Weird Science, etc.)

Mack’s Model Car

The ‘67 corvette is the first model car Mack intends to take to his younger self and his brother. He puts it together instead. That’s the same model he tells Coulson he and his dad put together when he was a kid when he tries to convince Coulson to let him work on Lola in season two if I remember right.

Swayze’s Bar

Anybody else get a Roadhouse vibe, or just me?

“Don’t You Forget About Me”

I get that this song is probably chosen for the recognition factor, but I feel like it’s also Deke’s not so subtle way of asking the team and Mack to not forget him in 1982/3.

Deke Squad

The way Deke introduces them to Mack is an homage to the A-Team, right down to the music. Honestly, the pop culture references are many in this episode, and I probably won’t list them all because there are just so many 80s references.

The Chopping Mall Homage

Okay, this one I will mention because the director for Chopping Mall clearly didn’t understand that the show wasn’t ripping him off. Though there’s a lot of robotic references (like the Doctor Who Dalek “exterminate” from the Sybil-bots), the episode borrows a lot from Chopping Mall when it comes to the design of the robots.

Deke Speaks Russian

It’s clearly a FitzSimmons family trait to pick up on languages. Every time there’s a hiatus or significant time jump, it seems like Fitz, Simmons, and now, Deke learn a new language. Also - Russian is the language Bobbi is surprised no one knows in season three, though Daisy knows a few curse words.

Nathaniel Malick’s Look

Just me, or does he seem to be borrowing from Grant Ward’s season three closet?

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S7E08 “After, Before”

The Establishing Shots For Afterlife

They look to be reused from season two, which probably saved the show a little money.

Jiaying In Blue

This is probably just a coincidence, but I like that they put her in blue for the episode. Why? Because when Raina is so determined to find out her destiny, she talks about stories her grandmother told her about “blue angels from the sky.” We know that’s the Kree now, but still, it’s a nice, likely unintentional, callback.

Elena’s Memories

The shrike is from last season. Ruby’s death is from season five. Tess’s death is also from season five. What they all have in common is guilt, May’s not wrong about that, but also Elena’s impulse control.

Abuela’s Necklace

That necklace is the same cross from season three that gets passed around the team in the finale, ending up in the quinjet bound for space that Hive and Lincoln die in. Elena’s remark about her father getting mixed up with bad people? That’s possibly a nod to her father being a supervillain in the comics.

“Time, Space, it’s never stopped us before…”

Nice nod to all the things Fitz and Simmons have been through over the years, and their remarks about the worst things they’ve been through in the past as well.

Kora And Nathaniel

Okay, so the dynamic between these two with Nathaniel convincing Kora to join him reminds me a whole lot of Ward convincing Kara Palamas to join him. It’s also what brought Daisy to Afterlife in the first place - the idea that her found family was afraid of her - but she realized the error she made eventually.

“You’ll bounce back.”

They’ve been saying this about Elena all season in regards to her mental state and her powers, so I’m glad this paid off with her figuring out real super speed instead of her dying. She’s now evolved beyond her comic book counterpart.

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S7E09 “As I Have Always Been”

The title

It’s obviously a nod to Enoch’s line, but it’s also been said in the series before. Sybil has used the phrase “as I have always been” before, so it’s clearly a Chronocom thing.

The title card

I like that every time it’s a weird space/time story instead of defined by the decade, they’re using this particular title card that’s reminiscent of the one from Jemma being trapped on an alien planet.

“People like you.”

We can all agree Daisy reminds him of Peggy, right?

Removing the Implant

The images on screen when Daisy removes Jemma’s implant looks eerily similar to when Jemma removed files from a guy’s nasal passage way back in season one. I guess the special effects used for the computer screen is similar. 

Enoch’s “heart”

Him simply pulling it out of his chest is not unlike Tony Stark pulling out the core keeping himself alive in the Iron Man movies. I also like that they equate this with Enoch’s heart in the same manner that Pepper Potts equated Tony’s with his.

Enoch’s Loneliness

Not really an Easter egg or a reference, but what Enoch describes, I think, is how everyone feels about found family storylines in shows like this. You find something you need in them and don’t want to let them go.

The Water Glasses

Interesting choice to train Kora with glassware. Daisy did that too. (Side note: how old is Kora supposed to be? She said she’s felt dangerous “for years.”)

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S7E10 “Stolen”

The Title Card

I feel like they just get more and more 80s with every episode.

John Garrett’s Backstory

It’s almost word for word what Garrett explained when he was revealed as Hydra in the first season, right down to him holding his guts in his hands.

Durant

So, Malick calls the guy getting Lee’s powers Durant, but I kind of wonder if he’s meant to be the father of Durand. Gerald Durand is a mercenary in Captain America: The Winter Soldier. He works with Batroc on the Lemurian Star, hired by Hydra.

“Long haired creepo stabbed you with a pointy stick.”

That was Loki. John Garrett got to watch Avengers a few decades before it was released.

Sousa’s Stolen Moment Comment

I feel like that’s kind of a nod to Endgame and Steve becoming Peggy’s husband. Because all Steve wanted was a chance with Peggy and he didn’t care if that messed up the timeline. Sousa would give anything for just a moment, never mind a whole lifetime.

“If The Job Was Easy, It Wouldn’t Be Any Fun.”

The quote is a variation of one Garrett says when he’s originally in the show and both Ward and Trip are familiar with it. (He says “everyone would do it” instead of “it wouldn’t be any fun.”) I guess it’s something of a catch phrase for him.

The Room Holding Coulson and Gordon

That’s the same room that Cal destroys with his super strength when he’s not allowed to see Skye (Daisy) in season two.

“Best Day Ever!”

It’s kind of odd to what Garrett using this phrase since it was Cal’s, but I guess in a Jiaying heavy episode, it makes sense.

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And that is it. I am caught up. It is unlikely that I will rewatch any of these to add more just because I’ve been so busy, so if you saw something I missed, feel free to let me know.

[ultraclops]

Semi-live Blogging: Return of the Mao Mao Episodes

Before we start, is it just me or is the animation like 10x smoother than it usually is? Also like I said with Nakey, there’s a lot more good expressions too!

Lucky Ducky Mug

Adorabat drinks from sippy cup like baby

"What, Mao Mao's ridiculous mug?" says Badgerclops, holding a cheap plastic big gulp cup he probably got from the grocery store.

How did Adorabat not notice the Lucky Ducky sticker on the Aerocycle

"Don't touch it" (Badgerclops proceeds to slam the table to move it) Ah Badgerclops, ever the contrarian

I'M SORRY DID MAO MAO BLOW THE ROOF OFF OF HQ BY SCREAMING

I love the way Mao says "PROFESSIONAAAL SILENCEEE"

Badgerclops trying to make his mouth disappear and failing made me scream with laughter

Are they seriously reducing Ratarang to 'the funny lil Italian guy'? C’mon guys you’re better than this

Wait why do they think Kevin is Adorabat?? They've seen Adorabat multiple times?? "But they're both blue!" You FOOL Kevin is TEAL there's a difference

Everybody gangsta til Mao Mao's ears start speaking morse code

They're doing surprisingly good silent but it's probably not gonna be that way very long.

Thank you, Lucky Ducky Mug, for catering to my niche interest in characters with neon outlines on black backgrounds.

Mao Mao thinking: Normal thoughts

Badgerclops thinking: Musical-esque singing

Adorabat thinking: Literally just heavy metal

The Sweetypies seriously think they're just playing a really intense game of charades huh,,,

(Mao jabs BC in the stomach with the fire net) HAHA GET REKT

The scene with Badgerclops trying to give Mao Mao Penny's mug is the funniest shit in the world I couldn't stop laughing...or maybe I'm just sleep-deprived

So the Sky Pirates are so similar compared to the Sheriff's Dept. that they can think perfectly in sync? That's cool

SKY PIRATES SONG SKY PIRATES SONG

Why is Snugglemagne throwing a random tea party & why did he only invite the Sheriff's Dept.

Yep there goes the plan. Both of their plans.

Am I going crazy or did the skin on Mao Mao's mouth tear apart like it was sewn shut?! Also yay they're talking again

"It's not gonna stop charging, so I'm just gonna let it explooode..." Mood

"What about the mega laser tube made by mega Losers?" Fsfhkfh

Hey, everyone learned something new from this experience! Are the Sky Pirates gonna try that Hive Mind tactic from now on?

Awww, they fixed his mug with gold - GOD DAMN IT I KNEW THERE WAS A CATCH!!

Lonely Kid

(Sighs) ...I said (SIGHS)

"I literally can't relate to that problem at all." says Badgerclops, who joined a gang because he wanted people to like him.

Shin just dropped off Mao Mao at a summer camp and expected him to make friends? Why does this feel like the plot of Camp Camp

I'm sorry the Mao clan has a freaking PARTY AERO-BUS??

NOO GERALDINE

That BGM is DEFINITELY an extended version of "I Love You, Mao Mao" and I want the lyrics NOW

So Bao was literally just a stray that Mao took home?? Would make sense as to why he wasn't trained

I have a feeling the Flimborg is some sort of sacred being the townspeople worship for some reason

How in the hell did Mao tie that guy up and why didn't he bother to untie him

HOW'D HE SET THE ROCKS ON FIRE USING PAINT

"And then you become frien-" "BEES. IN THE EYES."

"Everyone knows bees are our friends!" "Uh, actually, they were wasps." "Friends to no-one!" Usually I'd agree with BC, but I read an article about someone befriending a wasp and her babies so.

So the Mao clan's just known as the "Golden Cat Family Up The Hill?" Huh. I thought they’d have more recognition, especially since Shin says he went to that same summer camp at the beginning.

Man those kids are jackasses

"Say hi to your mommy!" "I would if she was here..." Excuse me wHAT

Noo don't cry baby boi - tHEN BAO JUST TACKLES HIM ASFHDKDL

"Go away! I don't feel like laughing right now!"

Look. You can see the EXACT point Mao developed his adult personality

I know Mao Mao means well but that is gonna go terribly wrong.

"I AM A HERO! I WILL BE LOVED!!" Okay first of all OUCH, second of all THAT IS PAIN

This monster empty, YEET

Awww it was just a sweet little puppy-ish monster...and it was his BIRTHDAY

"Hi, Aunt Gloria!" (Pulls out pitchfork) BETRAYAL

He didn't feel bad about ruining the festival because he made a friend doing it I 💞💞💝💝💗💗

Thanks for that 'different times' comment cuz I don't want kids thinking being beat is normal.

"Just like you found me...and I'm your best friend!" Tbh I thought she was gonna say 'Me and Badgerclops' & that would make a lot more sense

Why are they fighting over who's his best friend they're obviously BOTH his best friends

I'm sorry did Badgerclops just call Adorabat a "little mutant"?? ARE THE SWEETYPIES MUTANTS??

Awww his friends love him sm...and he feels so loved too...💓💓💗💗💕💕

Try Hard

No one gives a shit about Pinky being kidnapped lol

"K for Copyright Infringement"

"You'll never be like me!" Oof a little harsh maybe?

"You've gotta learn to be your own kind of hero, in your own special way!" So THAT'S where it's from

"You just gotta...try hard." Hey, title drop!

Ngl the moment Mao Mao said "Badgerclops take the shot" I immediately thought of The Confession 3 by TomSka

"Up in a tree, little old me, about to do something...UGLY..." 7-year-old me sniping people on Halo 3 like

Why is he shooting them with gelatin tho? ...oh. Oh THAT'S why.

Tbh if I didn't have subtitles on I would've thought BC was saying "beep boop"

This badger and cat empty, YEET

Adorabat walking into the Skyship with only a walkie-talkie is giving me some sort of vibes...OH, Silent Hill! Or Tattletail

WHOOP HIS ASS SWEETIE

"Mao Mao would hide the body!" Very unsubtle there, wonder how it got past censors

"Ratarang, say something!" "Pasketti?" "THAT'S THE BRAT!"

Wait a sec, they can just use Badgerclops' arm to power the ship? Why didn't they try that in CapturedClops?

"Good thing my head is in here cuz I'm a-scared of heights!" Ramaraffe. Whose whole schtick is making herself taller. Is acrophobic?

"Because she's Sheriff's Department, that's how! >:3" "Also y'all tend to be pretty incompetent >X/"

Why does she keep trying to use the elevator when she can fly? Nvm she climbed up Badgerclops' arm

"Ooooh I'm also hereeee"

"JERK BUTT"

Why is the Omega Field just a bunch of broken glass? And why doesn't she just step around it?

"I can fly!" "She can fly!" "SHE FORGOT?!" Ooh that's why

"You're the best thing to ever happen to a bat like me." 💝💝💕💕💓💓

Wait she's talking through the walkie-talkie and her molts are there but she isn't there where is she?

Oh she was freeing the other two from the gelatin. No wonder Mao Mao almost threw up, it was bug flavored.

GET HIS ASS, HONEY!! ADORASLAP!!

I hope that 'Nah' means Adorabat's realized she needs to be herself instead of her just rejecting her individuality like I think it is.

Scared Of Puppets

Oh, so this takes place after Sleeper Sofa! Praying it's a fix-it episode...

"DISCARD ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T BRING YOU JOY!!" Fuckin Marie Kondo up in here

Oh no PTSD flashbacks. He's scared of them cuz one's head landed on his lap as a kid? Understandable have a nice day.

Who tf collapsed into a sobbing heap on the floor then leaps back up and insists they're fine? Mao Mao, apparently.

Hairless ape? Is that what they call humans or are they something different in general?

"TAKE ALL MY MONEY!!" What did BC want an antique puppet for if he had no idea Mao was scared of them...

Mr. Din Dandalib!

"I...(eye twitch) love him too..."

IM SORRY DID HE FUCKING THROW UP OUT OF FEAR...holy SHIT

If I scared my friend and they threw up I would simply never do that again. RIP to Badgerclops but I'm different

(Badgerclops makes concrete blocks around the pothole) "Why didn't you just fill in the pothole??" "I AM TRYING MY BEST!!"

"I SIGNED YOUR DUMB CAST, NOW LEAVE!!"

...Illegal house plants? ...like marijua-

That was literally just that one video where a guy knocked out another guy in a mask jumping out of a trash can...

So it's a CPR class...AND a hair-styling class? How

I stg the moment Badgerclops walked in the door I knew he was carrying Mr. Din Danalin I SWEAR

"You're 10." "BUT I'M 6??" JFC Shin doesn't know his own son's age AND is partially responsible for his pupaphobia. And I called it on Mao Mao being six in the flashbacks

OH WIG

Can someone take the footage of the Annex exploding and add the ReviewTechUSA intro over it please

"How many Adult Learning Annexes have to be destroyed before you admit you're scared of puppets?!" is extremely funny without context

(Mao punches the wall cuz hes mad at himself for being scared) Kinkinkinkinki

How does one forget to drink milk

Oh shit the scene from the promo...

Yay he's starting to feel less scared - wait NVM it JUST STARTED TALKING??

OG SGUTVKC FGCJ OG SHKR OF DJCN JKKKKK

Oh it was just a dream - er, nightmare. FIRST NIGHTMARE SEQUENCE OF THE SERIES!

"I just gotta get my socks on...wait, I wear socks, right?" Dud e you wear NOTHING BUT A BELT...

"I KNEW SELLING THOSE HAIRLESS APE DOLLS WOULD ATTRACT DARK FORCES"

"There’s a lot of pu-" "PUBLIC DANGER"

Those puppets are alive I stg

"I'M A BIG BOI..."

Awwww she said what he told her at the beginning of the episode!

"I'M AFRAID OF PUPPETS" TITLE DROP YET AGAIN

Adorabat takes after Badgerclops sometimes I swear

Oooh shit sequel hook - oh NVM it was Badgerclops voice acting - NVM Mao Mao passed out. Dang

The Perfect Couple

Watermelon time babyyy

TRANSFORMATION TIME BABYYYY

Ah so he wanted to perfectly cut a watermelon in half, that's why he got so many?

"I need (counts on fingers) 600 more watermelons!" glad to see I'm not the only one who counts on my fingers

Why would Penny and Benny need 600 watermelons for their wedding? Also I called it on Penny & Benny being the couple

Mao Mao has to officiate the wedding? I thought priests did that

Please don’t throw up again Mao Mao

"I WILL BUY YOU A BAG TO HOLD YOUR STUFF..."

"A nondescript sack!!" Dude he just taking out the trash...

Nvm its just laundry

"I WILL TURN THIS BUSH AROUND"

Oh so THAT'S what Ramaraffe thought Kevin was Adorabat

"Why don't you buy me cake and do my laundry?" Are you implying you wanna marry Mao Mao, Badgerclops 👀

I lov Mao Mao's faces in this scene he legit looks like a bishouen anime protagonist

Nvm no transformation it's just his wedding outfit

Why did they invite Orangusnake and Boss Hosstritch to the wedding tho? What about when they hid in their moving truck and used their electricity - wait Badgerclops technically did that last one, nvm

Wait THEY DIDN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER BEFORE THE WEDDING?? What a perfect couple huh

Is Mao Mao having hallucinations just gonna be a regular thing now....

IS PENNY SERIOUSLY GONNA MARRY ORANGUSNAKE OUT OF SPITE ASFSDGFUK

Why did Mao Mao say "melons" in a Spanish accent I'm scared

"They're both terrible, so what does it matter if they get hitched or not?" They're definitely gonna change their minds now

"She lied because she wanted to protect his feelings! And he lied because he couldn't bear to hurt her!" Isn't that just the plot of The Truth Stinks?

OH SHIT HE CUT ORANGUSNAKE IN HALF HOLY FUCK

He made Orangusnake officiate the wedding as punishment lol

Why are they,,,stepping on the watermelons?? Damn right Badgerclops I'd cry over that too

"What's, uh, your credit score like?" "850. Why, is that good?" "It's perfect..." HE WANTS TO MARRY MAO MAO NOW ASDFHKL

[xaz-fr]

The Story So Far

@deadpool-scar-bro @hikayelastoria @cornsnoot-fr @redlion-fr @mushroomdraggo @murdoch-fr @tales-around-sornieth @frxemriss @rainhearts-hatchery @rexcaliburr-fr @starry-ampelope @plainstriderbard @reanimatedfr @ally-fr @golden-lionsnake​ @rookfern​ (let me know if you’d like to be added to the lore pinglist)

dragons are dragons unless said otherwise

I’ve only been waiting months to post this one off. God damn.

The Girl in my Dreams

She was on her knees in the middle of a field. The grass waved and the clouds raced across the sky. Blood dripped out of her nose and down into her mouth turning her lips and tongue into wet rubies. Her eyes rolled in their sockets searching and never finding. Her wings were pulled in close, afraid of being taken away by the wind. He saw a hand that was and wasn't his own reach out to her from his body. She focused on him and more blood spilled out of her mouth, dribbling down her chin and throat. Weakly she reached out for him too, her perfect green eyes had racing clouds across them, begging him to help her.

Najaïr woke with a hard gasp, thrashing in his nest of bamboo leaves, throwing it about. It woke everyone else up as he got his feet up under himself. “What? What's wrong?” Bonten demanded with tired aggression, his tail spade coiling dangerously but his eyes were lidded.

Najaïr stood there, breathing hard and looked up at the sky. It was barely morning. The clouds racing across the sky were just starting the pinken. He saw one that was almost the shape of the Windsinger. “Just Najaïr, uuuhg,” Zephyer groaned and curled back up with Jeddie and Green.

“Najaïr?” her jerked when Kala touched her wing to his shoulder. “You alright?”

He stared at her, not understanding what he'd even seen. “No,” he said.

“Uhg. What else is new? Everyone go back to sleep,” Bonten resumed his sleeping ball state.

“You could stand to show some compassion for the Shard of the Windsinger,” Maral hissed but as usual everyone ignored her.

Najaïr turned to Kala and pressed against her chest, his wings sagging. She wrapped her wing around him with worry. He didn't care Boten acted so flippant. He knew the Spiral wasn't really asleep. He knew he’d wake up later with him draped across his horns because Bonten was worried. “I dreamed about that strange not Beastclan girl again,” he said softly. “She was hurt. She needed my help. She was in so much pain,” he whimpered.

“It was just a dream,” Maral said, flittering over to the two of them to hover in place. “Dreams shouldn't be taken with too much weight because you aren't a Water dragon.”

“I wasn't asking your opinion on my dreams,” Najaïr hissed back. He hated her rigid mindset. For someone who claimed to worship the Windsinger she certainly was unbending in what she accepted.

“What happened?” Kala asked him gently, rubbing her head against his comfortingly. He stumbled through explaining it. “That sounds awful.”

“She needs my help.”

“She's not real.”

“I've had quite enough you telling me my dreams are meaningless, Maral,” Najaïr growled in a very Bonten way. He snatched her out of the air with a switch claw swipe, instantly wrapped her in a bubble of Wind magic and threw her away from the campsite. The Wind bubble would protect her from any fall damage and keep her from flying back to them. He was so tired of Maral's hard and fast ironclad opinions on things.

“Najaïr!” Kala scolded him harshly.

“She is real,” Najaïr said. “She saw me. She needs my help,” he insisted.

“That doesn't mean you can just toss Maral away-

Najaïr jerked out of Kala's wing grasp. He went over to Boten and nosed in his sleeping nest. The feathered Spiral grumbled but eventually woke up and greeted Najaïr by constricting himself around his head. “I'm trying to get my beauty sleep here, kid. What do you want?” Najaïr didn't answer because if he moved his jaw he'd stretch Bonten out and hurt him. Bonten realized that quickly and loosened himself.

“I need to find the girl in my dreams.”

“Sure. Great. Whatever. You're a big kid, Najaïr. Do what you want. Uhg, you woke me up a second time to tell me this?”

“So you wouldn't worry about me.”

Bonten soured. “I don't worry about you.” Najaïr didn't call his bluff. It'd do him no good. 

“Okay,” Najaïr said and left Bonten to sleep. He looked back at Kala and she had nothing for him. He shook out his wings before doing something that should have been impossible for dragons of his type: powered lift from a standing position. The land receded beneath him until the others were specks in the landscape. He turned towards the Steppe, pumped his wings twice and summoned a strong breeze to carry him into the rising sun.

—

He didn't sleep until he found the spot. Or as close to the spot as he could find. The place of his dreams where there was nothing. Nothing but the land and the sky and not even Wind clans had dug into the hard, pitiless, ground here. He waited, watching the sun rise and fall twice and stayed awake even during the nights. He couldn't sleep. He wouldn't. He couldn't miss her.

On the third day a figure appeared on the horizon. They were small but winged. At first he mistook them for a Wildclaw but they moved strangely. Then he realized… that was the shape from his dreams. He lurched to his feet and raced towards it across the dry plain, his claws kicking up dirt. He hadn't gotten too close when the figure collapsed to their knees. 

He stopped running and immediately took flight, skimming across the top of the Steppe, his claws catching the grass. He checked his speed abruptly, his wings throwing wind across her face.

She looked up at him and it was just like his dreams. She was bleeding from the nose and it ran down her chin and starting to dribble down her throat. She looked like a centaur with two legs and wings like a dragon with curved horns that looked purposefully cut into like they'd once fit something over them. She looked at him and there was recognition. Her eyes mirrored the clouds above, racing overhead, dashed apart by the strong windas. “You,” she said weakly.

He stepped forward and put his wing up to shield her from the wind. Her eyes moved like the Wind, like his eyes did. “I found you,” he said softly and lowered his head down to her. He didn't know what or who she was other than the girl he had dreams about. That was enough. That told him enough.

“And I found you,” she whispered and to his surprise burst into tears, her tears mixing with the blood. He curled his great body around her. “I found you. I found you. I found you,” she sobbed, a smile across her bloody face. She reached up and touched his face like he was a fragile vase. “I have been searching so long for you. I found you,” she touched his beard.

“Do… you know who I am?”

“My Charge. Who else is insignificant to me. My Charge. Finally. I have looked so long for you,” she cooed weakly and ran her fingers across his face. Where she touched the feathers immediately shed off his scales. He shook his head in confusion.

He curled around her protectively. “I… think you are mine too,” he told her quietly, like a secret, keeping her fragile body protected from the chill winds. He knew as soon as he said it it was true. This was his Charge. This was what he'd been dreaming of and why. “I am Najaïr, Shard of the Windsinger.”

“Layali, progenitor,” his eyes widened.

“Where is your clan?”

“Far away. I left them to find you.” She held his great head in both hands tenderly. “Oh I have been searching for you so long,” she was so relieved. “The Windsinger sent me to find you. Sent me to keep a piece of him safe.”

“You’re hurt,” he said and touched her back.

“Yes.”

“What happened? Why are you bleeding? Can I help you?” he worried over her.

“Bandits. They stole my horn caps that help me breathe,” she said.

“You have trouble breathing?”

“Yes. I need to breathe magical imbued air. But… I'm not in pain right now,” she stroked his cheek. “You just being so near- you just do it because you're a Shard.” She gave a great sigh of relief. “I’m so glad I found you, Najaïr,” he liked the way she said his name.

“I am too,” he pressed his forehead against her small forehead. He closed his eyes and for the first time in a long time did not feel the insistant restlessness he did. The desire to move and travel and never stay still. Curled around Layali he felt peaceful. He licked her face, making her giggle as his great tongue cleaned her face of blood and tears with little effort.

They stayed like that until the sun grew high in the sky, she did not bleed, she did not complain of pain, “I should take you to go rest, eat. The Snakes are a ways off but we can fly.”

“I don't think I am strong enough to fly,” she said, curled up around his head. She was covered in the feathers he'd rapidly molted when she touched him.

“Then I will carry you,” and he got up. The wind returned to their pocket of still air and tugged on layali’s hair. “Also… I'm sorry. What are you? I mean your form. It's like nothing I've seen,” he said apologetically.

“Oh,” she looked down at herself. “It is called humi,” she looked back up. “Most of my clan looked like this. Or similar to this. It's a bit more… dexterous to look like this,” she lifted one of his great claws. Or rather he let her. He did most of the lifting. “No claws,” she gave his claws a little wiggle. He smiled a dragon’s smile.

“Well you won't be any more unwelcome to Bonten than I am.”

“Is that bad?” she released his claw.

“No. He's just… moody.”

“Oh,” and she allowed him to pick up her small form. As he did more and more feathers fell away from his body, revealing a pattern he couldn't even remember having. A series of pink rosettes on his yellow hide. He didn't know what was happening or why but he hardly cared. He'd found the girl in his dreams and his Charge all in one. All was right in the world. He held her against himself securely but not too tightly.

“Not too tight?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said. She smiled when he got into his back legs and with a single flap of his wings was airborne. She held tight to him as he started flying back to the Reedcliff Ascent where the Bamboo Snakes, and especially Bonten, were probably out of their mind in worry.uu7u

[baekhvuns]

Another royalty heh? Ok I won't bring it up, because I'm waiting for bodyguard, don't want you to be too distracted, uwu

I DID bring Wave Hwa back however, because I've been yearning for him for a long time, plus it's almost summertime so it's only valid to think about our surfer boyfriend 🥰

Baek pls stop mentioning Addicting Kitten because I'm never normal about that fic 🤐

I HAVE NOT moved on, all the red Hwa haters I see I always fight idc. Red Hwa was a serve I never thought I'd witness when I saw the previews I couldn't fucking believe my eyes, I was like: PARK SEONGHWA RED HAIR??? SURELY NOT???

These photos were a ride so let me present you with some sweet boy Hwa for a change 🤗 he's in my pocket rn actually. His flower earring plssss

https://twitter.com/aurorahopee/status/1528085039514255362?t=uFL65R1As22V260fWu65lQ&s=19

THAT TIK TOK AND THAT SNIPPET?! You wanna make me even more insane?! You always threaten to rob me, so I need to fight you asap, am I a joke to you ://// king Hwa my new beloved idc idc, villain Y/N my bestie and my role model. Stop that's so sexy of him, what a lovely simp

I think I know that account, but I never read the Mingi fic, though I feel your pain 💔 I understand when authors delete their stuff, but can't say it doesn't hurt

I used to be afraid of pigeons, but now they're fine, hate the way they shit on my balcony akhsajsudhshahs, but I feed them sometimes. A few months ago I got two sitting on my arm, I was like??? It's a free real estate I guess? They're not always very smart unfortunately, but at least the ones over here are chill

Ooof, if that cheers you up Venice stinks sometimes so wjrusugsejshsgsh 😭

The worst thing about Seonghwa is... as much as I wanna fight him and yell at him I just simply cannot stay mad, because he's a lil meow meow inside. He has too much power over me. If I ever told him off I would feel so bad and apologise immediately 🤡

Pls Hybe let her go, it's not like she's even that important plus they just debuted, no one cares. Do it for the sake of the other girls but also... as much as insufferable Garam seems to be, she is still a child. Another case against underage idols debuting, because people literally send death threats her way. She should be removed from the public eye and get some help. Speaking of, I caught up on Tomorrow and there was a story about idols and bullying and I think a reference to Burning Sun, lmao the timing

But yeah the series is over and I'm crying and shitting and yelling and throwing up tossing on the floor 😭😭😭😭😭 this show broke me seriously, the last episodes especially I NEED MORE 💔 it deserves more recognition, but I know it's not for everyone, because as much as whacky it is at times, it's still very serious and triggering (also that weird thing with BTS names/birth dates idk what's up with that it was stupid, but Armys purposely giving the show bad reviews is so petty). I'm glad someone decided to make that webtoon into a drama though, it had its issues but was definitely different and eye-opening.

Also the love story, bestie I cannot do this, my cold heart weeped for them... you need to witness it too. Heart riped apart!

Also, I'm going to my friend's house today, he has a tattoo studio. Gonna get it ain't over, never die tattooed. My commitment to Rocky <3 - DV 💖

hi hello!

Another royalty heh? Ok I won't bring it up, because I'm waiting for bodyguard, don't want you to be too distracted, uwu

😭😭😭 i have a whOLE universe for royalty that follows after duke and now the bridgerton and a new hwa one 😭😭🤚🏼😭🤚🏼😭🤚🏼😭 BRMWBDKW BODYGUARD TRUST ME ITS SO CUTE IM IN LOVE WITH IT

I DID bring Wave Hwa back however, because I've been yearning for him for a long time, plus it's almost summertime so it's only valid to think about our surfer boyfriend 🥰

s-surfer boyfriend haha haha, do not. put this in my mind. nO.

Baek pls stop mentioning Addicting Kitten because I'm never normal about that fic 🤐

I HAVE NOT moved on, all the red Hwa haters I see I always fight idc. Red Hwa was a serve I never thought I'd witness when I saw the previews I couldn't fucking believe my eyes, I was like: PARK SEONGHWA RED HAIR??? SURELY NOT???

LMFAOOOO FBWNBDKW I WILL NEVER STOP MENTIONING THAT FIC IT FUCKS ME UP SO BAD 😭😭 red hwa was a fucking serve no one asked for, he went hard for us, he did it for us, our little traffic light <3 NO STOP BC I RMR THE CHAOS WHEN THE PREVIEW CAME AND HIS BROAD ASS SHOULDERS FHWKFHKW PLS PLS PLS 😭😭

These photos were a ride so let me present you with some sweet boy Hwa for a change 🤗 he's in my pocket rn actually. His flower earring plssss https://twitter.com/aurorahopee/status/1528085039514255362?t=uFL65R1As22V260fWu65lQ&s=19

MAN THIS ENTIRE FIT WORKED SO WELL WITH HIS HAIR 😩😩 im on call with him actually right now,, u know what i think we should rob hwa’s jewelry corner 🔫

THAT TIK TOK AND THAT SNIPPET?! You wanna make me even more insane?! You always threaten to rob me, so I need to fight you asap, am I a joke to you ://// king Hwa my new beloved idc idc, villain Y/N my bestie and my role model. Stop that's so sexy of him, what a lovely simp

BDMWBDKS NO BC I LOST MY SHIT I WAS GONNA HAVE TO SHOW IT TO U BC IK U WOULD TOO FBDNFBJE yes ☺️☺️ he’s fr a simp for someone he’s supposed to hate ☺️☺️ like the other girlie he’s supposed to marry is just there but he’s with miss yn who does not give him a chance and dismisses him every chance but he’s sO WHIPPED HE WILL BOW DOWN TO MISS GIRLIE AND WORSHIP YN FBWKDJWK he’s so sexy too,,, he will make yn u know ☺️ <3 would u like it to be a series or a one shot that’s like 50k 😀

I think I know that account, but I never read the Mingi fic, though I feel your pain 💔 I understand when authors delete their stuff, but can't say it doesn't hurt

it hurt sO BAD that fics was incredibly insanely written. demon mingi with those big black wings 😭😭😭😭😭😭 and angel reader 😮‍💨

I used to be afraid of pigeons, but now they're fine, hate the way they shit on my balcony akhsajsudhshahs, but I feed them sometimes. A few months ago I got two sitting on my arm, I was like??? It's a free real estate I guess? They're not always very smart unfortunately, but at least the ones over here are chill

LMFAOOOO LMFAOOOO WAIT UR CHANNELIMG UR INNER VINCENZO FBWKFHKWHFKW FEEDING THE PIGEONS 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Ooof, if that cheers you up Venice stinks sometimes so wjrusugsejshsgsh 😭

i bless them with the worst smell then <3 jVMDWBKD

The worst thing about Seonghwa is... as much as I wanna fight him and yell at him I just simply cannot stay mad, because he's a lil meow meow inside. He has too much power over me. If I ever told him off I would feel so bad and apologise immediately 🤡

yes. yeah. exactly. everything you said here. yes. my mantra. everything there you said. i would also. do the same.

Pls Hybe let her go, it's not like she's even that important plus they just debuted, no one cares. Do it for the sake of the other girls but also... as much as insufferable Garam seems to be, she is still a child. Another case against underage idols debuting, because people literally send death threats her way. She should be removed from the public eye and get some help. Speaking of, I caught up on Tomorrow and there was a story about idols and bullying and I think a reference to Burning Sun, lmao the timing

no bc the new stage with her not in it feels actually really good! like it’s more in formation and they have more energy this way! yeah with the way she’s behaving girlie’s still a minor in the end of the day, she’s not mature enough to think what went wrong but she was mature enough to do those actions 😭😭?? YEAHHH having her removed would be the best for her own self,, making it to national news id pass out,, OH MAN I SAW THAT SCANDAL THING YEAH YES kind ironic bc soohyuk’s from yg hdhd

But yeah the series is over and I'm crying and shitting and yelling and throwing up tossing on the floor 😭😭😭😭😭 this show broke me seriously, the last episodes especially I NEED MORE 💔 it deserves more recognition, but I know it's not for everyone, because as much as whacky it is at times, it's still very serious and triggering (also that weird thing with BTS names/birth dates idk what's up with that it was stupid, but Armys purposely giving the show bad reviews is so petty). I'm glad someone decided to make that webtoon into a drama though, it had its issues but was definitely different and eye-opening.

FBWKDJWK NAURRR DOES IT NOT HAVE A HAPPY ENDING 😭😭😭 no yeah i saw that name thing with bts and ppl were making a big deal out of it,,, like is there not other ppl named the same in korea??? like kard’s kim taehyung ???? 😭😭😭 OH FR?? man that’s petty im sure bts doesn’t even care 😭😭

Also the love story, bestie I cannot do this, my cold heart weeped for them... you need to witness it too. Heart riped apart!

RBWKDHWK IF I WITNESS IT, ITLL EFFECT BODYGUARDS ENDING 😭😭😭 unless u want me to ☺️

Also, I'm going to my friend's house today, he has a tattoo studio. Gonna get it ain't over, never die tattooed. My commitment to Rocky <3 - DV 💖

BRWKJDKWBDWK LESS GOO PLS YES YES YES !!!!!! ROCKY >>>> YES YES YES I SUPPORT FULLY omg bestie how many tat’s do u have 😧

[beaulahmae]

And Winter Came... (part II from the Two Thrones series) excerpt from CH 17

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12026709

by Organization for Transformative Works

And Winter Came...  A Barduil Fic, set in Middle Earth  summary:

It's the first winter after the Battle of Five Armies, and Bard and the rest of the Men of Dale are working hard to build as much as they can, with the help of the Elves and the Dwarves. Life in the Great Hall is busy, and everyone misses their loved ones, but Percy does his best to keep everyone's spirits up, with games, tournaments, and pranks - usually at Bard's expense.

Thranduil is looking after the women and children of the Woodland Realm, including Sigrid, Bain, and Tilda, with Galion's and Hilda's help. Their time is used wisely, with education, and training and school. Hilda is doing her best to place the Orphans of Dale into proper, loving homes.

Everyone is busy, but it doesn't stop them from wishing they were all together again... When will Spring finally come?

Notes:

This is a second part of my "Two Thrones" series, which picks up the same night where "What Makes a King" left off.

Letters are sent back and forth as the wagons with supplies from the Woodland Realm come about once a week, plus we get to check in and see how everyone is faring over their long separation...

**********************************************

CHAPTER 17 (excerpt)

The Woodland Realm, 17th of February, 2942, T.A.

Bard and Thranduil had another busy day ahead, but their schedule looked to be a pleasant one.  They helped see the children, Hilda and Galion off, then went to give Tilda her breakfast.

They were going to look after their daughter in the morning, then Tilda would receive care from her Auntie Hil and Uncle Galion in the afternoon, while Bard had meetings.

“Come on, love; let’s work your hands.  Squeeze the ball for us.  One…Two…Three…” and all the way to ten.

“Can Ada count?” she asked, putting it in the other hand.

“Sure can, love.  Let me get him.”  he got up, and called to his husband, who had been sitting at the dining room table. “You’re up, Ada.  The Princess awaits your presence.”

“I am coming,” he said, and soon he appeared in the doorway to the nursery.  “I must wash and dress, first.”  Once done, he smiled and asked, “Shall I count in Westron, or Sindarin, hênig?”

She smiled.  “Sindarin.”

The Elvenking bowed formally to the Princess. “Your wish is my command,” and he sat on the bed.  “Let us begin, shall we?  Mîn… Tâd… Nêl… Canad… Leben… Eneg… Odog… Tolodh… Neder…”

“Pae!” Tilda squealed.  She smiled up at Bard, amazed at herself.

Bard’s heart gave a little lurch.  “Is that Ten in Elvish?”

“Uh huh!”

“Very good!”  Both fathers rewarded her by blowing raspberries into her neck as she giggled and squirmed.

“You’re smarter than I am, Beanie.  Tauriel’s been trying to teach me those numbers for weeks, and I still can’t get them right.” He rolled his eyes.  I think she’s going to have to start beating them into my noggin with a stick!”

Tilda looked at him.  “Tauriel?”

Bard took a deep breath.  This is normal…  this is normal.

“Tauriel is Thranduil’s daughter and she lives in Dale, love.  She’s very tall, like Ada.  She’s an Elf, too, but she doesn’t have light hair.  She’s got long red hair, and wears a green uniform…”

Tilda sat back and looked at him, then Esta crawled up and pushed her head under her hand.

“I think someone wants you to pet her.” He smiled down at her.  “Go on, love.”

Once Tilda was petting the dog, Thranduil whispered, “Describe her again,” very softly.

So, he said it all again.

Tilda thought for a moment, then her face showed recognition.  “Her room is across from me.”

“That is correct, Tithen Pen.  She lives in your Da’s Castle in Dale, and her room is right across from yours and Sigrid’s.”

The little girl said.  “My new sister.”

“She is, and she loves you very much.”  Thranduil smiled down at her.

Tilda looked up at her Ada.  “Where is…” she got stuck.

“Tauriel?”

She shook her head.

“Uncle Galion?”

Again, no.

“Beanie, if you can’t remember somebody’s name, try to picture them in your mind, and tell us what you see,” Bard suggested.

“He has hair like that.” She pointed to Thranduil’s hair.

“Oh!  You mean Legolas, don’t you?”

“Uh huh.”  She nodded. “Legolas.”

“Ah, well.  Legolas is Ada’s son, and you're right.  He does have hair like him.”

“He’s a Elf. Ada’s a Elf, too."

“Yes, hênig.” Thranduil smiled.  “That is very good.”

“And so is…Tauriel.”

“That is also right.  They are my own children, just like you, Sigrid and Bain are your father’s children, and together we make a family, do we not?”

The little girl considered that, as she stroked Esta’s head.  “A big family.  We have a dog.”

Bard laughed.  “Well, we have two dogs, and even a cat.  I have a big dog back in Dale, that Ada gave me, and he gave Tauriel a grey tabby cat named Farien.”

“That’s a lot, Da.”

“Lucky I have a big Castle, then.”

“Where is Legolas?”

To Thranduil’s credit, he didn’t react, but gave their girl a reassuring smile.  “Oh, Legolas has gone on a long trip.  There were important things he needed to take care of.”

“Oh.  Da?”

“What, love?”

“I remembered, right?”

“You sure did.  You remembered Tauriel and Legolas, and you remembered some Sindarin numbers, which is more than I can do.  Guess you’re a lot smarter than me, yeah?”  Bard gave her a hug, and kissed her hair.

“I am glad you did so well, Tithen Pen, but now it is time to do your morning exercises to get your legs and arms strong again.”  Thranduil got up, and shooed Esta down to the floor, and folded her covers back.  “Let us begin, shall we?  I want you to get strong, as soon as possible, so you can ride a horse, and even maybe one of my Elk!  Would you like that?”

“Aye!”  Tilda said.

Bard rolled his eyes.  “Of course, you’d remember that, with no trouble” he said wryly.

“Pay no attention to your Da, Tithen Pen,” Thranduil said happily. “He is afraid of my Elk, but you are smarter than that. He is convinced they will eat you up, but Da is being very silly.”

Tilda’s face lit up.  “I fed them.”

“And you still have all your fingers.  Wiggle them for Da, so he can stop whining…   Very good. Can you wiggle them some more?”

Tilda smiled at Thranduil and wiggled her fingers, as Bard winked at his Elf.  Its a good excuse to work on her coordination, even if it was at his own expense.

[tigerlover16-uk]

You and all the other people that enjoy anything about dragon ball super disgust me. You fake fans are enabling the ruination of Dragon Ball and you should all hate yourselves for DARING to think that garbage is as good as DBZ. Pathetic shill. You and all the other worthless, spoilt, brain dead scum need to get off the internet and stop worshipping garbage.

(Insert gif of Frieza sipping his wine)

I’ve left this and the other angry ask insulting me for liking Goku sitting around in my ask box for a while now, because I honestly didn’t have the energy or patience to deal with this nonsense at the time you left it here, and after that I just didn’t think an obvious troll was worth giving the time of day. But you know, whatever, I’m up for it right now.

First off, way to be ableist with the brain dead scum comment, that and all the comments about how us fans who like Super should hate ourselves make you sound VERY reasonable and intellectually superior. Bravo, good chap.

Second… explain how I’m a shill who “Worships” Super? True, I’m more positive about it than some people on this site, but that’s because I don’t really care to complain about the flaws in things I enjoy when I could instead be having fun with them. If it’s something I hate, like GT or the DCEU movies before Wonder Woman, then oh boy I’ll be harsh if I have to talk about them, but I do prefer to avoid talking about them lately unless I’m directly asked.

I’m not a person that cares for discourse. The times I do get involved I often end up saying stupid things and don’t handle it well, so I prefer to maintain a “look on the bright side attitude” where I can involving the things I like. And that includes Super. I think there’s honestly more than enough negativity directed at it by the vocal minority of fans who dislike the series already, so I don’t think I need to bother chiming in complaints when there are others who could do that, and I can instead be having fun and gushing about the things it does right (And yes, I believe it does plenty more right than bad).

But that doesn’t mean I think it’s perfect. I’ve been honest about the fact that the show is flawed plenty of times and I’m not afraid to comment on them where I have to. The animation in the second half of the Resurrection F arc was HORRIBLE. Majin Buu, even if I loved the fight with Basil and the fit Buu thing, has been shafted way too many times and it’s getting really annoying. Gohan’s character arc is progressing really well this saga, but it’s been annoyingly stretched out and inconsistent before that. And the ending to the Future Trunks saga, while I don’t find it irredeemably awful like some, was still nonsense.

I acknowledge that the show has flaws. It’s just that for the most part, I actually think the show is really fun to watch and does a lot of good things, and many of it’s issues have been ironed out over time especially with the current saga, and I think it still has a ton of potential going forward. So I just prefer to wait and see what comes next and enjoy myself now.

So I don’t let the flaws ruin Super for me, any more than I let the flaws with Z or the original Dragon Ball take away my love for those shows. Heck, if I did I would have cut my rewatch of og Dragon Ball last year short the minute I got to the horrific homophobia that was General Blue, the misogynistic gay pedophile drawn to look like a Nazi (Still the worst thing the franchise has ever done, by the way).

I think Dragon Ball Super is a good show, that does a lot of good worldbuilding, tells some fun stories, gives some interesting development to several of it’s characters like Krillin and Gohan, is usually very funny, has tons of adorable and touching moments, and while it’s action’s not as good as Z’s, it does have some great memorable fights here and there.

It’s not as good as Z, but I never expected it to be. Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z were a masterpiece, the kind of on the job miracle that only happens once in a lifetime, you can never fully recreate everything that made it so magical. And you don’t need to as long as you make something else that’s enjoyable in it’s own right with the property. I’m just glad I finally get to see more of these wonderful characters and this universe I love so much. And for now I’m pretty satisfied with that.

So no, pal, I’m not an entitled shill. That would require I put the show on a pedestal and declare it God’s gift to Dragon Ball while beating down any criticisms I find with unintelligible whinging. And clearly I don’t. I don’t agree with all the criticisms the show gets, but while I’ve occasionally said something stupid but then immediately apologized (Something I don’t expect from you at this point if you bother to read this anon), I don’t have an issue with people personally not enjoying it. Heck, I’m a guy who thinks Batman is an uninteresting character and the Dark Knight Movies were boring and awful, while liking the Star Wars Prequels more than the original trilogy, which I find just okay. We all have different tastes and opinions, who am I to judge.

You know what would make me a spoilt, entitled scumbag? Telling the people I disagree with that they’re worthless, disgusting fake fans and they should hate themselves for having the AUDACITY to like a fictional show! And trying to chase those people off the internet with petty ramblings in their personal space just so you don’t have to hear opinions you don’t like (Man, I’d hate to see how you react to political debates).

Also, how is Super “Ruining” Dragon Ball? Here’s the thing pal… Dragon Ball had a complete story. The manga is the only definitive canon in this franchise, and it ended two decades ago. The actual, classic story of Dragon Ball is complete, any other works based on it, whether people choose to view them as canon or not, are supplementary at best. It’s not actually possible to truly “Ruin” the franchise.

If anything, Super has helped in keeping the franchise from falling into relative obscurity, considering how in the latter half of the last decade Dragon Ball in general outside of it’s fandom (And in some cases, IN it’s own fandom) had become a bit of a laughing stock among much of the anime fandom and the internet. It’s been down to Kai, the Xenoverse games and other spin offs, the two Toriyama penned movies and yeah, even Super that the franchise has started getting more recognition again and more support. They’ve brought in new fans, and brought back many lapsed and casual fans.

And yes, that’s come with it’s own share of problems, particularly on the fandom side of things. But TFS is FAR more responsible for creating the toxic atmosphere of much of the modern Dragon Ball fandom, the toxic underbelly of which had been growing larger for years before Super debuted, so I don’t think it’s fair to blame Super specifically for the fandoms current state when at worst it’s responsible for bringing back a flood of casuals who absentmindedly buy into fandom stereotypes a little too heavily. The current atmosphere of the fandom would have been largely as bad whatever the quality or kind of new show we got.

So no, I don’t think Super has “Ruined” the franchise any more than GT did years ago. Anyone who wants to argue that Super ruined Dragon Ball for them as a whole is either being melodramatic, taking it too seriously, or maybe even never cared about Dragon Ball beyond being a casual fan in the first place.

I mean, I still love Spider-man even despite the abomination that is One More Day, and I’m still watching Boruto despite hating the majority of Naruto Shippuden with a burning passion. And I didn’t let GT lessen my love for the Dragon Ball franchise in the slightest, if anything it just made me appreciate the stuff I love about it instead a lot more.

If anything is ruining the Dragon Ball franchise for people, it’s jerks like you who feel the need to attack and insult people for liking stuff about it that you don’t. You’re no better than the scummy anons who harass the Gochi fans on here, or the people who constantly lie about, demonize and demean Goku’s character to prop up and shill other characters like Vegeta and Piccolo, when it’s completely unnecessary and stupid to try and undermine other characters to prop up others who are already great on their own.

It’s okay if you don’t like the show. I’m sorry if you feel it’s somehow ruining Dragon ball for YOU specifically, and I encourage you to go back and watch the previous series to remember WHY you like Dragon Ball so much. But buddy… NOTHING gives you the right to act like a ravenous jerka## to the people who DO enjoy it. Screw off with that elitist, childish nonsense and grow the (Bleep) up, child!!

This goes to EVERYONE who’s feeling even the slightest bit resentful to the people who are having fun with Super, or any other base breaking series connected to a franchise a lot of people like (Did I mention I prefer the 3D era Sonic games to the genesis classics? Oh boy, do I not get along with the Sonic fandom). You not liking it doesn’t make you superior to other people, nor does it make you objectively right while everyone else is just a moronic fake fan. to heck with that line of thinking.

I could go on, but it’s late and I’m tired and you’re not worth any more effort than I’ve already spent here, anon. Don’t bother coming back into my inbox with this nonsense unless you want to do the mature, adult thing (Assuming you’re an adult, and not a kid) and apologize. Good night.

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to Insecure: The Pilot

Lean Back and High Five Her and Say “GURL I KNOW!”

The Setup: Marchae has eagerly anticipated, seen, and adored the first season of HBO’s Insecure. Miri has been meaning to since it came out and now has finally seen the pilot. We really like positive peer pressure, apparently.

All four of us discussed the preceding web series Awkward Black Girl in a class at DePaul University.

As always, after the fact notes are in italics, gifs are not ours, and you can look forward to another reaction on Thursday! Up next: the 2011 rom-com Crazy, Stupid, Love.

MARCHAE: K! Let's go

How many episodes did you get to watch?

MIRI: Only the pilot, I’m afraid

😟

But I have left it queued up in another window because I might be in love with it

And may finish it by like Tuesday

MARCHAE: YAY

I am obsessed with it and took this as an opportunity to binge it for a second time

MIRI: That’s amazing

Ok, so general thoughts:

Issa Rae is just adorable

MARCHAE: God she is charming and it makes me ill!!!!! (In a good way)

MIRI: Like, her face is just great. She really sells the awkwardness and the asshole moments and you forgive her

I really liked that you can tell the some of the things she does are not condoned by the show

MARCHAE: Explain why don't you...

MIRI: Well, I think sometimes people want to play with bad behavior because it’s fun/interesting/dark/whatever but do so without having a clear opinion

So then it basically reads as the show endorsing whatever shitty behavior the characters have

Issa’s rap was mean. (It was amazing! but it was mean.) It was cruel to her friend and also kind of misogynistic

But it’s also shown to be kind of not ok

We’re not left wondering if that’s how Issa the character feels or how Issa Rae the creator feels. It’s clear

without being preachy/pedantic about it

I think sometimes wrtier/creator shows where the protagonist is a version of the creator have to be more aware of that line, and Insecure does it really well

MARCHAE: Yeah knowing the backstory of how hard she fought to maintain the original creative aesthetic of the show as it related to webseries I think makes that clear

MIRI: YES

MARCHAE: There were certain things she wasn't going to give up

MIRI: I also think it’s interesting how it has evolved from the web series. She’s at a different place in her life, so some of the elements have changed. (And not just the production value!!!) But the core of the show is still so there

MARCHAE: And she fought to keep. I don't think we are always supposed to "like" Issa but we are always supposed to "relate" to her so I can agree w you there for sure.  she has to keep a lot of the elements from before to make sure this show didn't turn into a "glossy" remnant of what it was originally intended to be

How do you feel about her and Mollys relationship?

MIRI: Yes! I love a show that trusts the character and the audience enough to let the character be a bit of a dick sometimes. We’re already on Issa’s side and they’ve got that beautiful last little scene to show us why we should put up with her dick moments to get to the good again

MARCHAE: I've been dying to talk to you about that but someone only watched the pilot *wags finger....then still loves you**

MIRI: hahahahahahah that’s fair and I accept it

I really like their relationship!

MARCHAE: I mean legit I was on her side the moment they said ISSA’S GOT A SHOW EVERYONE!!!

MIRI: I think it felt very lived in. They have some built up issues, but also a lot of built up love and trust

I also really liked the VO with Issa comparing herself and Molly earlier in the episode

I like the VO in general

It’s so bad when it’s done poorly, but when voice over is done well it works SO well

Especially with such an interior character as Issa

MARCHAE: We also get a lot from her rap sequences

(Which by the way are everything)

MIRI: 100% agreed

MARCHAE: And in that pilot when she's trying on the make up

MIRI: On both scores

Another really great sequence!

That’s interesting--some of the best moments are Issa by herself, or surrounded by people but only talking to/with herself in one way or another

MARCHAE: I feel like she as a writer knows how to really milk it

MIRI: Definitely

MARCHAE: But I have to say it I think it's also because she's a dynamic writer

MIRI: What do you mean by that?

MARCHAE: Sorry actor* who knows how to use her face and body to communicate as well

MIRI: Ahhhhhhhhh

Gotcha

Yes, she is doing so much in the performance

MARCHAE: I think the character is also incredibly nuanced and complicated

MIRI: btw, I was just on her imdb and I did not realize how much other acting she has done

And a ton of producing

MARCHAE: (And as an aside I am glad little girls will now grow up in a world where Issa is a household name)

Yeah she's had a dynamic career actually she wrote her first script I think in high school her... first feature

I think ABG is what gained her recognition

MIRI: Yeah, that sounds right

I’d love to talk about the differences in title and tone between Awkward Black Girl and Insecure

MARCHAE: YES

And I'm not sure I love the change

MIRI: Interesting. Why?

MARCHAE: I think they have very different connotations

MIRI: I do--or at least I like the tone change. I feel like Insecure (the tone of the show, not necessarily the title) has more understanding of WHY Issa is so awkward

She’s not just baseline awkward about everything. She’s very competent in a lot of ways! But she’s insecure and that shows itself as a lot of awkwardness

But I do like Awkward Black Girl better as a title

MARCHAE: I think especially as a black woman there is lots to be "insecure" about

MIRI: It’s so distinctive, and it very deliberately tells you that this is a story about a version of a black woman that you haven’t seen before on tv

(ABG, I mean)

MARCHAE: But there are far more daily scenarios in which s*** is just awkward for so many reasons

MIRI: Ohhhhh that’s interesting

MARCHAE: And for no good reason be it people's ignorance(like the legit definition)... be it just random things that happen like people touching your hair... invading your space.... the list goes on

MIRI: Yes, she’s insecure about plenty, but the amount of awkward situations the world creates way trumps the amount of weirdness she creates through her own insecurities?

(Not that insecurities aren’t often pushed onto people by the outside world)

MARCHAE: So they don't force you to be insecure which is a whollllleeeee separate conversation so much as that awkward start and stop that happens daily on life

MIRI: That makes a lot of sense

MARCHAE: Right so when it was ABG it was more about those awkward moments and that's fine and funny ok! But insecure and I want to be clear in my opinion takes a much more cerebral tone if you have lived through some of the themes she touches on through the season

MIRI: Right, I obviously have not seen the whole season to comment

Nor have I lived life as a black woman

So I’m going to defer to you on how much each title works thematically!

MARCHAE: (*Texting too fast .. my opinion is that I love the show... both shows)

MIRI: I’m sorry! I’m a youth who texts fast. Feel free to mock me

MARCHAE: LOL

I'm really trying to keep up also my thumbs get on the way

MIRI: Marchae is falsely convinced convinced that she has “man thumbs”

MIRI: I can’t buy a house because of all the avocado toast, I’m killing the diamond industry, etc, etc

KRIS: But also, fuck the diamond industry (although there was that one classical piece of music that De Beers, I want to say?, used in its commercials for awhile, and my 8th grade orchestra teacher brought it in, and I was annoyed when most of the class couldn’t get it, and a classmate rightly called me out for being a dick about it, and the teacher just kind of chuckled to herself, and where were we?)

Also I’m doing this on my laptop, which is way faster

Ok, back to the show--one thing I always loved about the web series and continue to love about the HBO show is that it is extremely relatable

And it does that not through staying super vague and broad, but by going really specific

MARCHAE: Ok keep going I want to know more more more

MIRI: Well I think anything I have to say will be a poor retelling of what the amazing Jessica King covered in our web series class

but if you try to keep a character vague and applicable to everyone, no one will ever really identify with them

But Issa is so specific and clearly drawn. She and I are very different, but the specifics help to create moments that are universal

MARCHAE: That's incredibly true but this show does it with ALL of them

And it's so good even Molly!

MIRI: Very true! It’s so easy to just talk about Issa, but it’s true across the board from what little I’ve seen

I’ve never had a class of students call me out about about my hair, but I’ve felt awkward as fuck talking to a large group of people, or realizing I was supposed to be in charge but didn’t feel like it

MARCHAE: Miri you have to finish because you've already touched on things that will come up later

MIRI: I promise I will!

And we’ve all had that friend who fits in across different groups and you kind of hate them a little bit because you feel like you barely fit anywhere

MARCHAE: Now see I legitimately HAVE BEEN ISSA

MIRI: But also you love them, obviously

MARCHAE: Yup

MIRI: Tell me more

MARCHAE: Well for one I work at a non profit for kids

They question everything about your life, clothing choices etc to the point you question your own life choice... simultaneously I've also been in that awkward position of having to tell people to stop telling black/brown children what they *need* to be doing or going

The hair thing is a constant struggle and I even had a boss call my locs "those things" and try to touch

So it's real

MIRI: THAT IS NOT OK

MARCHAE: I do appreciate that she allows for a bit of levity and you feel almost compelled to lean back and high five her and say "GURL I KNOW!"

MIRI: There is merit in using humor to address real and difficult shit

MARCHAE: I was typing something similar

But it also allows for dialogue

To be open about why things are

MIRI: Because the people who already know about it both need to see themselves and to not have to slog through the mud emotionally to do so

And it makes it easier for people who haven’t lived that kind of experience to be opening to hearing it

MARCHAE: It is a great primer

MIRI: Which is obviously not Issa Rae or anyone’s job, but can be the most effective

MARCHAE: THANK YOU!!!

It becomes emotionally taxing at times

there is also Molly who tackles the notion of the black woman never getting married

The more educated she is

The show really picks at a lot of the stereotypes and things women go through

But as you've said she manages to make it universal

And allows you to feel like you can ask questions or be empowered to learn about where we are

Sorry I feel like me and my thumbs have  highjacked your reaction

MIRI: Hahahahahah it’s both of our reaction!

Also it’s a half hour show that I have only seen the pilot of so far, so I can’t actually speak to a lot of what they’re clearly laying the groundwork for

yet

But I will!

I’m looking forward to seeing how much through line there is here

It doesn’t feel like a classic sitcom where it’ll just be the story of the week every week

But I don’t know if that means it’ll be very serialized or not

MARCHAE: It definitely has a serial element

And definitely builds

MIRI: oh good

MARCHAE: Yeah

MIRI: Also just in terms of production values I’m looking forward to seeing more of it--I’ve seen some gifs and it’s a beautiful looking show

MARCHAE: MIRI

MIRI: WHAT

MARCHAE: It is so pretty to watch and the cool things they do with lighting to juxtapose Issa and Molly

I freaking gasp

(Internally)

KRIS: This is a pretty long lighting digression, and it’s only loosely connected to this particular point about Insecure, but I think it’s pretty important. From an interview with John Cho:

"There's an eye, and it's not a malicious eye, which is a way that the people working the camera and behind the scenes view [Asian actors]. And then they process it and they put it on film. And it's not quite human. Whereas Asian films, they are considered fully human. Fully heroic, fully comic, fully lovely, fully sad, whatever it is. And it's this combination of lighting, makeup, and costume.

"If you don't think of a person as fully human, you sort of stop short and go, That’s good enough. Do you remember Doug Liman’s film Go? I remember Taye Diggs in that movie, and he was charcoal black. I was surprised to see him in How Stella Got Her Groove Back — I realized that Go was not an accurate representation of his skin tone whatsoever. And I've met him. He was carelessly lit. Why is that? Why is one carelessly lit? The white people were carefully lit."

MIRI: Yay! Looking forward to it

MARCHAE: I mean you see it in the pilot too though

Mollys job is bright and shiny

MIRI: Right, I mean looking forward to continuing to see more of it

MARCHAE: Issa's home is really dark

MIRI: Yes! Issa’s job is very industrial lighting

MARCHAE: (Oh my bad)

MIRI: (No, I wasn’t clear!)

MARCHAE: Then the classroom even has a very different kind of gritty aesthetic

I also want to pay a nod to the way Issa chooses to express herself through the hip hop lens

And you mentioned it briefly earlier in a different context

I honestly think it is empowering to see her rap -and even though mean- "broken pussy" in many ways is kind of the inciting incident for the rest of the series

MIRI: Oh, totally! From what I can tell from the pilot it’s both a moment of empowerment--I can do this! I can be amazing at this!--and a reminder that living for yourself doesn’t mean stepping on others to do so

So there’s a lot of journey set up there

Also she’s just a really good rapper and I look forward to getting to hear her do more

MARCHAE: RIGHT

I mean I rap at myself but she's like good ... I am not

MIRI: (btw if you really want the people to understand the ways in which you ARE Issa, we should include video of you rapping to Hamilton)

Wait you rap like you make up your own raps?

HOW HAVE I NOT EXPERIENCED THIS???

MARCHAE: I do and I do not write them down

It's not a thing

MIRI: It clearly is a thing

MARCHAE: I mean not really and it's usually just like chants

MIRI: A thing that has been hidden from me for three years

I’m very excited about this

MARCHAE: So on that way I am like Issa like words that rhyme come out of my mouth

MIRI: What is the tone/subject matter of your rap?

MARCHAE: See it's not rap

It's like empowerment chants

MIRI: Cool! That sounds very affirmational, which we could all use

MARCHAE: Like: you got this get it, get it ...they caint mess wit it...wit it

See that's different than a rap

LOL

MIRI: I mean it’s on the way to being rap

MARCHAE: NOooooo

I would never do it in public

Or in front of others and Hamilton is like rap-lite

I mean we all rap to Hamilton

MIRI: It’s the one thing that can unite everyone

KRIS: ...We’re going to have a Hamilton-related Reaction at some point, aren’t we

MIRI: Obviously

MARCHAE: Also true!

I really can't wait for you to watch the rest of the show

I'd love to dig deeper with you about the Molly/Issa dynamic as it evolves in terms of how women relate

MIRI: Ok, well we will just have to do another once I’ve finished the season

And when does season two drop? I know they’re already filming

MARCHAE: What other reactions did you have to the pilot (also I feel like KM does a way better job of asking good questions)

I thinkkkk July

MIRI: My immediate reaction was “That’s SO far away!” and then I realized it is not and omg we’re already nearly halfway through the year

MARCHAE: HA!!

You can watch the pilot of Insecure for free on Issa Rae’s YouTube channel

MIRI: Ok, other pilot reactions:

I am always a sucker for junk food/good food as shorthand for women bonding and being themselves

I know it’s done a lot, but it’s still so rare to see women actually eat on tv that it gets me every time

MARCHAE: Oh yeah I forgot about that!  

And it's not a carrot stick or single cheese cube

MIRI: No! Fake cheese powder or bust

MARCHAE: HA

MIRI: (Seriously, though I love every example of this kind of thing--Supergirl, Agent Carter, One Day at a Time)

I didn’t have much interested in the boyfriend that she sort of dumps, but I don’t really think I was supposed to

MARCHAE: (It also reminds me of family and home like you eat with those people you're living with related to comfortably and unapologetically)

MIRI KEEP WATCHING

MIRI: WAIT DOES HE COME BACK AND HAVE REAL STORY?

MARCHAE: you will develop interest I'm trying hard not to spoil

GIRL you have no clue

MIRI: You are definitely spoiling that things happen, if not how or what exactly happens

But I’m ok with it

MARCHAE: (Also I may include a few books to read with this post)

MIRI: You can add all the links you want

Or tell me and I’ll add them

MARCHAE: Oh shoot I really don't need to be doing this LOL

I don't love her guy I will say that and not because he does anything I think more or less I want to know what they were like before and I'm afraid I'll never know that

Because good writers start the storylines where the action starts

And I'm also the only person who always wants to tell the story of how we got here

MIRI: I think there can be merit in both 

Depending on the story

And how we got here is a different sequence of action, but it can be action nonetheless

MARCHAE: True but here I know in my heart it's less important (right now this season)

Season 1*

MIRI: Anyway, I think that’s what I have to say for the pilot. I’m really looking forward to seeing more and being able to talk about the season arcs next time!!!

For now, it’s a really fun, very watchable show. You can get a lot from it without it feeling heavy to watch or anything like that. Issa is a super likable character who is clearly going to make some bad choices and some good ones and I am super excited to watch that play out

MARCHAE: Same!!! This has been fun and we WILL check back in!!!

MIRI: Woo!

Marchae’s Recommended Reading

The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl - Issa Rae (Atria, 2016)

How to Be Black - Baratunde Thurston (Harper, 2012) *The audio version is preferred

For more a cerebral understanding of some of the thematic references in the show:

Is Marriage for White People?: How The African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone - Ralph Richard Banks (Plume, 2011)

Disintegration: The Splintering of Black America - Eugene Robinson, (Doubleday, 2010)

[rainbowravioli]

What do you think about Febri interview and Yamada Reiji roundtable? It rises interesting issues in terms how bold can be authors depending on their gender and shows audience. I think now I understand more why Kubo answered in such weird way in pash

I heard so many good things about this interview and I really got my hopes up but…again, I’m thrown into despair. I’m sorry this is probably not going to be the answer you were looking for.

Summary of what I think about the Febri interview: Kubo is once again doing olympic level gymnastics to portray Victuuri as anything except a couple. She also can’t keep her story straight. I can’t roll my eyes any harder because they are full of tears.

Summary of what I think about the Yamada Reiji roundtable: Bless, but ultimately what he says means nothing because he has absolutely nothing to do with the project.

As for more detailed thoughts on both…I actually have a lot to say about the Febri interview, specifically on the narrative side of things. And I know that wasn’t the intent of this ask but I can’t not talk about the whole thing.

Febri Interview

From here (x)

First of all, I’ll say that I’m glad that there’s finally some Sayo recognition in one of these things. Let us never forget that Yuri on Ice is Sayo Yamamoto’s passion project and that the original concept came from her! Also confirmation that Kubo did not write the series by herself. Bless.

On the other hand I am frustrated and fascinated at the insistence that Yuuri was never meant to win gold, especially with how Kubo talks about writing and developing the story to go towards that specific end-goal because everything pre-episode 11 was pointing towards the opposite direction, so that’s a terrible job you did there! Ah…do I still believe this “Yuuri was going to lose from the start” thing is a lie? I sure do. The very existence of Welcome to the Madness is proof enough for me.

—Is there something you had a hard time with when you created the storyboard?In every episode, especially in the early part, I had trouble fitting the characters into the story. I drew about 10 pages but it felt really incoherent, so I had to draw it again from the start. That happened over and over. The story was already decided, therefore I couldn’t change it a lot. I mostly changed the situation or dialogues, and tried again until it felt right.

Not that I’m surprised really. Kubo already showed she has no idea what she’s doing with the characters what with all her “the way they acted here just can’t be explained by logic” and her “I have no idea what Yuuri’s motivations are better check with Sayo” and the “I didn’t want to show Victor’s face because I dunno what he was thinking *shrug*”.

You know I’m…I’m just going to credit the good things about the characters to Sayo, for the sake of my sanity.

On top of that, the director was towing the series with overwhelming power, surprising everyone by saying things like “all songs must be newly-written” and “let’s use an orchestra to create the music”.

Yeah, Sayo is responsible for all the good things in the series including the flawless soundtrack, I accept this.

We were planning to create a story centered around the bond of an athlete and their coach, in other words Yuuri and Victor, but before going location hunting we didn’t really have a clear image of that in our minds.

Victor and Yuuri were not meant to have a romantic relationship when the series was in its early stages. Fine.

At that time, a certain athlete said “I can skate for love”. In their case, “love” was probably referring to their lover (…) Yuuri Katsuki doesn’t skate for his own love, but to prove all kinds of love, including Victor, and when as a result his strong desire for a gold medal was added to it, I had the feeling that this series had finally found its powerful core.

Ok here’s the thing. The way this entire paragraph is structured it’s separating the romantic love of that real life athlete from the actual theme of the series. This is still fine. I’ve said it many times before that Yuri on Ice is about various different types of love. So this is ok. I’m just pointing this out, because I’m sure this will be used to point out “See, she means love between lovers about Victor and Yuuri” and that’s not what she’s saying here at all.

Victuuri aside, back to narrative critique. So Kubo says the powerful core of the series is based on two things: Yuuri skating for all kinds of love and his strong desire for a gold medal. Interesting. In my own breakdown of the narrative of the series, post-finale, I’ve said the same things, that these two elements provide the core for the story. Which is why the finale doesn’t work, because it took both these elements and threw them away.

—I see. Who was the hardest character to write?I had a hard time drawing the relationship between Yuuri and Yurio. Especially Yurio, I think he’s easy to grasp as a character and I was sure he would become popular, but for the same reason it was difficult to make him unpredictable. I wanted to depict him and Yuuri as rivals, however figure skating is mostly a battle against yourself, a sport where you fight to pursue your personal best, and after their direct confrontation in episode 3 they also become physically separated, so I was careful about the balance when making them think of each other.

You failed.

—Yuuri and Yurio had a kind of relationship that made it difficult to tell exactly whether they were getting along or not.We had already decided from the start that Yurio would hinder Yuuri’s victory in the Grand Prix Final, therefore I had to think about how to develop their relationship in a convincing way, so that the viewers would also feel a catharsis in that moment. When portraying rivals it’s important not to fall into stereotypes, that’s why I created the stir over Victor, Otabek and Yurio becoming friends in episode 10, and so on. It was for the purpose of reinforcing the fated connection between Yuuri and Yurio, and to consequently cause the viewers to want to cheer on Yuuri in the Grand Prix Final. However, at the same time the bond between Yuuri and Victor became deeper and deeper, and as I couldn’t really find enough place to put the spotlight on the rivarly with Yurio eventually Yurio stopped moving inside my storyboard, to my surprise. In that sense, I had to struggle to depict Yuuri and Yurio’s relationship until the end.

Wow! This is a real mess! First of all, what catharsis? There was no catharsis to be felt.

About not wanting to fall into stereotypes when portraying rivals - the entire Yurio > Yuuri relationship was textbook shonen/sports rival. The only thing that set the relationship apart was how Yuuri viewed and treated Yurio in return, at least before the finale. “Fated connection between Yuuri and Yurio” omg what is this? What kind of charged language, Jesus Christ. What fated connection, where??? She even goes to say, the bond between Yuuri and Victor took over this “rivalry” thing, so much so that Yurio got less screen time and she struggled to depict his relationship with Yuuri. “Fated connection”, I can’t. I’m using that in the future, I’m adding that to the #transcendental pile.

She should thank the heavens that Yuuri and Victor apparently decided to deepen their relationship on their own and take over the screen time because thee is no way, absolutely no way, that this series could have survived or achieved the popularity and critical praise it has on the grounds of the Yuuri/Yurio rivalry. You can’t make a 23 year old top athlete of his home country and a 15 year old in his Senior debut convincing rivals. You especially can’t do that when writing from the perspective of the 23 year old. If Yurio had been the protagonist and we were seeing things from his point of view then sure, I could buy him seeing Yuuri as a rival, but this is Yuuri’s story. And it being Yuuri’s story is exactly what sets Yuri on Ice apart.

Also, Yurio “hinders” Yuuri’s “victory”….mmmmmm….

—Still, Yurio’s lines were all powerful, and I think he really stood out as a character. How did you create those memorable lines such as “I’ll make you into a borscht in Moscow” and “there are no gold medals for pigs!!”?Just naturally (LOL). Sometimes lines are born because the story requires them, and some other times a line a character would totally say eventually connects to the story, so it doesn’t really feel like I came up with all the lines myself.

Haha. Remember how the finale validated every horrible thing Yurio ever said? Good times.

—The bond between Yuuri and Victor became more and more extreme by the end of the series.Yuuri is just calling it “love” because of what he wants to express, without being afraid of the values arbitrarily decided by others, but I decided to go ahead and use any kind of representation if it was required by the story, without reserve. I believed that the buildup of such a relationship would lead to a special ending, I actually hadn’t envisioned their relationship from the start. In the end the bond between them became extremely deep, and I myself was surprised.

This is not her calling them a couple. This is not even her saying they are in love. Just want to underline this. Yuuri is “calling” it love, that doesn’t mean it’s love. In fact this indicates more that it isn’t. 

However, episode 10 was the last “break” before the Grand Prix Final, and as we were thinking about what to put in it to make it an absolutely enjoyable episode, we also wondered whether it was possible to further deepen their bond too. Since we had already done hugs and scenes like in dramatic TV serials* we thought we couldn’t go it any farther, but then I suddenly thought that they might want an item for support when facing the Grand Prix Final. When I tried browsing the websites of ring brands I found out that engagement rings aren’t necessarily something for people who get married, but that they can be given as presents to soulmates too. And I thought, “this is it!”. Besides, looking through the material we gathered during location hunting in Barcelona I found pictures of a church with a choir, so I was like “this is the place!”.

First of all what the ever living fuck kind of reality is this woman living in where people buy engagement rings without planning to use them as such?! 

Does she even know what she wrote? Does she lack total awareness of t what??? YOU CAN’T MAKE WEDDING RINGS PLATONIC!

But hey that’s exactly what she’s doing here! The rings were never meant to be anything other than support/good luck matching accessories. Soulmates =/= romantic. 

—As a result, the viewers were ecstatic.If it were a manga I think that scene would have actually looked much lighter and less important, but I was positively impressed to see how much impact it could have when in an anime.

Again Kubo persevering in her personal quest to undermine every single Victuuri moment and throw them straight into platonic buddies territory. The rings and their exchange are not important to her.

HOWEVER! She does admit she didn’t expect the scene to carry as much impact as it did in the anime. Because the scene is indeed directed like an important, meaningful and impactful scene. It’s directed like a romantic scene. It’s full of wedding symbolism. 90% of the fandom reading that scene as an engagement scene was not wrong because that’s exactly how the scene was directed. I’m officially crediting every Victuuri moment to Sayo.

Also, after episode 7 I realized it so clearly that I even began to think “this is reaching too many people”. On Twitter I saw lots of comments like “I cried so much I feel sick” and I thought “people’s autonomic nerves are going crazy” (LOL).

Again Kubo demonstrating that she has no idea why episode 7 was so important and resonated so deeply with people as it did. Can the fandom stop thanking her for Victuuri? Can the fandom stop saying she’s a great ally and doing good representation? Please.

(…) help director Yamamoto build the world she wanted to create.

I’m clinging on to Sayo for dear life and never letting go.

—I see. Lastly, many people are hoping for a sequel to “Yuri on Ice”. Could you tell us your current plans and whether you have a desire to continue?Even between me and director Yamamoto, we still haven’t discussed about it concretely. Besides, we cannot create an anime alone, and we do not know whether the important anime staff will have their schedules free. But we cannot move forward until we create something that will allow us to say “we have come up with this sequel, please follow us”, therefore, as one of the main creators, the first thing I want to do is conceive an interesting sequel. Actually, I’ll be going on a trip abroad with director Yamamoto soon. It has nothing to do with location hunting for a sequel, but like when we first discussed about “Yuri on Ice”, I hope that we can start to gather the external pieces while talking about figure skating every day. I think that the characters are out there somewhere, waiting for a chance to move again, and we are going on a trip to look for them. I hope we can find them.

There is not full translation (that I’m aware of) of the Yamada Reiji roundtable so I have to go on what people say it was about. So (x) (x) (x)

Someone saying, unquestionably, that Victor and Yuuri are a couple. Finally! Too bad he’s not involved in the show in any way. Him being Sayo’s friend doesn’t give him credentials, really. He’s just telling us how he interpreted it. I mean we can conclude that maybe Sayo told him it was her intention to portray them as a couple. I could believe that, considering the difference between the way scenes in the show are directed and what Kubo has to say about them. It still doesn’t count as an official statement though, because it’s not Sayo saying anything, just her friend expressing his interpretation.

That said, not everything said there is exactly great. But again, taking everything with a grain of salt because, nobody at that table is involved with YOI.

They also comment on the fact that in YOI they could have shown their romance in a much more evident way but they didn’t, they focused on the entertainment, and that’s what made the show so popular.

Uh, ok, that’s highly doubtful to be honest but sure, ok.

They also say how in episode 10, in the part where Victor and Yuuri go “on a date” (their words) and shopping, Yuuri’s reactions are “so much like a girl’s”.

Mmmmmm that’s a questionable thing to say.

Now anon I think you wanted me to address this part.

(..) men are usually much more blunt about BL than women, especially creators and people involved in the production of an anime. I think that women are scared that if they say something that hints at BL people will not take their opinions objectively and just think “you see things from that point of view because you’re a woman so you like BL”, while if it’s men saying the same exact thing people are not going to think it’s because they like BL, so they don’t feel that they have to justify themselves or avoid certain topics.

I understand what this is saying and there is a point to be made here. But. Quoting @soobaki, it doesn’t justify things like Kubo “no homoing” engagement rings.

[intim3ate]

A Kiss From a Rose | Lorenz/Ignatz [Fire Emblem: Three Houses]

Years after the war, Lorenz is invited to return to Garreg Mach to give a series of lectures to the next generation of students. He had not expected to run into his old friend, Ignatz Victor, while there... and he certainly had not expected to relive old feelings he had long thought behind him.

A fic commissioned by my dear friend! This is my first foray into Three Houses fic, though it’s far and away NOT my first FE fic. In a way this was very nostalgic and therapeutic to write... and I loved every minute of it honestly! 

It got me into a whole new fandom and I’m so excited to have my enthusiasm for fic writing renewed. <3 I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it! 

AO3 Link | Commission Info | Patreon | Leave a Tip?

——

The letter had come suddenly and unexpectedly. A call for his assistance, an invitation to lecture and educate the next generation of students at Garreg Mach monastery. The chance of a lifetime, in more ways than one. As busy as he was with his work – leading the Leicester Alliance was no small taske, after all – Lorenz knew it was an opportunity he could not refuse.

When Lorenz had finally, after a long, tiring journey, arrived at Garreg Mach, he had not been expecting to encounter his old classmates. An old part of him might have balked at the idea that he wasn’t the only one offered the unique chance to give a series of guest lectures at the monastery, but the new part of him – the part of him that had suffered through war and loss and had been humbled by a friend’s unwavering faith – was glad to see some familiar faces. 

One familiar face, in particular. 

He first spots Ignatz while on his way to a lecture. A nun, or perhaps a professor that Lorenz doesn’t recognize, gestures at a wall and draws out imaginary lines and dimensions, while next to her Ignatz nods, chin between thumb and forefinger as he deliberates something. 

Lorenz draws a shaking breath. Something he doesn’t want to name – something he had been certain had long been put behind him – rises to the fore, and he swallows. His eyes slip shut and he takes another, calmer breath. Certainly this is nothing but a dream? Ignatz could not possibly be here, at this moment, at the very same time Lorenz is visiting on business. 

He opens his eyes, but nothing has changed: Ignatz is still there, still oblivious to his presence. It is not a dream.

But then that begs the question: why is he here? 

Lorenz forces himself to turn around and hurry along, not wishing to be late for the lesson he was meant to give, and certainly unwilling to disturb his old friend. Perhaps he would see him later, at dinner, or –

“Lorenz? Is that you?” 

He goes stock-still.

“It is!” 

Within a moment, Lorenz hears an all-too-familiar apology, and then Ignatz is there behind him and he’s turning and – 

By the goddess, time has been kind to him. 

It’s been years since the war. Garreg Mach has been repaired and restored, though it is still rugged and unrefined – a mere shadow of its former self. The opposite is true of Ignatz: though the war had briefly hardened his features, creasing his brow and deepening the worry lines he wore so readily as a student, the years of peace and prosperity have softened and relaxed him. He is almost baby-faced, and the small part of Lorenz that is not smitten is nothing but envious. 

“It’s been so long,” Ignatz says, oblivious to Lorenz’s inner turmoil. His smile is so bright, so wonderful, and Lorenz cannot help but return it. He extends his hand and Ignatz takes it in both of his own, so clearly overjoyed at their reunion he momentarily forgets his manners. 

“Oh – sorry,” he says, and he withdraws his hands. The sensation of their warm touch lingers on Lorenz’s skin. “I should be more respectful. You are the leader of the Leicester Alliance, after all–”

“Think nothing of it,” Lorenz says with what he hopes is exceptional grace. He smiles at Ignatz and places a hand on his chest. “Status or no, I can hardly deny my joy at seeing an old friend.” 

“Right.” Ignatz’s smile shifts from a shine to a glow: smaller, but hardly less breathtaking. “Still, I would do well to keep our respective statuses in mind.” 

“Nonsense,” Lorenz says. Years ago, he would have agreed with Ignatz; but now, after all these years and all they’ve been through, he finds he doesn’t care nearly so much about the class disparity between them. “Though I must say I am surprised to see you here. Have you also been asked to give guest lectures to the students?” 

“Oh, nothing like that,” Ignatz says. “Actually, I’ve been commissioned to paint for the monastery. A series of portraits.” 

Lorenz cannot keep the surprise from his face. “Really? Such prestigious work?”

He regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth. Ignatz looks away, scratching his cheek self-consciously as a flush creeps across it. “W-well…” 

“My apologies. I did not mean to come across as…” As what? He waves his hand. “I simply meant to pay you a compliment. I have seen your work – have purchased a piece or two, in fact – and I think it is simply splendid that you are finally getting the recognition you deserve. It is a great honour.” 

The blush darkens and spreads further. Had he said something wrong? But Lorenz is quickly prevented from attempting to clear the air once more: Ignatz smiles at him, sheepishly this time, and says, “No greater honour than your praise, Lorenz. Do you really think that?” 

“Of course.” Lorenz manages, somehow, to keep the guffaw of shock out of his voice. How can it be that after all these years, Ignatz still doubts himself so much? “And I would gladly tell you so again, but I am afraid my services are needed elsewhere. You simply must tell me all about these portraits another time, however.” 

“I… I’d be happy to,” Ignatz says, eyes wide as if he can’t quite believe that someone actually wants to hear him talk about his work. “Perhaps at dinner?” 

Lorenz’s heart leaps in his throat. “Yes,” he says. “I will look forward to it.” 

--

Dinner is like a dream. Lorenz tells Ignatz of the struggles of his countship, and he happily listens as Ignatz tells him of the portraits of the saints he will be painting.

He tries (and fails) to suppress the emotions that well up inside him, but with every cheerful word that flows from Ignatz’s lips, Lorenz realizes that he had never moved past his feelings after all. 

--

It had taken Lorenz a long time to come to terms with his feelings, and even longer for him to be at peace with them. He had resolved to himself that it is not the feelings themselves that were improper, but rather taking action upon them. 

Still, he thinks to himself, letting loose a sigh as he watches Ignatz replace a book on the library shelf. It would be nice if I could hold his hand. 

Because he will not act on his desires, Lorenz allows himself to think about them. Ignatz is still so short, even after all these years, and he struggles to reach the top shelf. Lorenz thinks about approaching him from behind and delicately reaching out to pluck the book from Ignatz’s dexterous fingers. And if their hands were to brush…

“Lorenz? What are you doing?” 

He hadn’t realized he had moved, but with the grace ingrained in him since childhood, Lorenz ignores the pounding of his heart and forces an easy smile. “My apologies, Ignatz,” he says. “But I simply couldn’t stand to watch you struggle any longer. Especially when you refuse to use the ladder.” 

“Oh, it’s fine,” Ignatz insists with a smile of his own – notably not forced, Lorenz observes. “It’s in use right now, and I’d hate to bother the students. Besides, I thought I could reach it. Guess I still have some growing to do.” 

Lorenz chuckles. “You are nearly twenty-five.” 

“Then perhaps a spell?” 

Lorenz laughs again, louder this time. “If such a spell exists, I’d be glad to learn of it.” 

“Lorenz.” Ignatz’s tone drops, becomes serious. For a moment, Lorenz is worried he’s ruined the joke, but the tug of a grin at Ignatz’s lips is beautifully reassuring. “If you get any taller, your head will scrape the ceiling.” 

Lorenz looks up with a small ‘oh?’ as if he hadn’t noticed how close the ceiling was, and Ignatz laughs, quiet and modest and genuine. He sounds lovely. Beautiful, even, Lorenz thinks as warmth spreads throughout his body. 

Ignatz sighs as his laughter ebbs away. He smiles up at Lorenz, eyes shining in the library’s candlelight, and for a moment Lorenz thinks about leaning down and kissing him.

But he doesn’t. He’s already acted foolishly enough. 

“Well then,” Lorenz says hastily. Something seems to crack, then, and Ignatz backs away a step, coughing into his fist and turning his head away to hide the embarrassed flush on his face. “It seems as if you no longer require my assistance. As you were, then.” 

“Yes, right.” Ignatz nods and turns back to the towering shelf, running a finger along the dusty old spines of books too quickly to truly be reading them. “I… I’ll see you later, Lorenz.” 

Lorenz says nothing more. He simply nods, unseen, and turns to leave the library. He allows himself one last glance at Ignatz over his shoulder as he passes through the doorway, but he does not meet his friend’s eye as he, too, turns his head to watch Lorenz leave. 

--

Ignatz asks him to tea three days later. “You’ve always had the best taste in tea,” he says when Lorenz asks what brought the invitation on. “Shall I pick the pot, and you the blend? Like old times?” 

“That sounds… lovely,” Lorenz says. And he smiles, genuinely, hoping his excitement does not colour his cheeks. “Shall we say noon?” 

Ignatz nods. “Noon.” 

--

Noon comes and goes, and still Lorenz sits waiting in the garden. He admires the roses, reaching out to rub their petals between his fingers. They’re a distraction, a small isle of calm for Lorenz to cling to among the storm of turbulent emotions roiling in his gut. Although he knows Ignatz is the type of man who would give notice if he suddenly could not make a prior arrangement, he can’t stop himself worrying that this was all one cruel joke. 

He is saved from his thoughts a moment later when he hears a familiar voice calling his name: “Lorenz!” 

He turns his head and sees Ignatz hurrying to him, tea set carried on a tray in his hands. The tray is a remarkably well-polished silver, and the teapot, cups, and saucers upon it a delicate white-and-pink painted porcelain. 

Lorenz hums approvingly as Ignatz sets the tray down and takes his seat across from his friend. “Sorry I’m late,” he says. “I… realized soon after I asked you to choose the tea that I wouldn’t be able to choose the set that would complement it best.” 

Lorenz raises a brow. “Perhaps next time we should agree upon the blend before we part ways.” He lifts the lid of the teapot and drops three small spoonfuls of leaves into it. “That said, you have somehow chosen perfectly all the same.” 

Ignatz smiles, a mischievous glint in his eye matching the smug quirk of his lip. “I had a feeling you would select a rose blend. And given the time and your previous habits, I assumed you would go with a black tea.” 

Lorenz blinks. He closes his mouth, which had fallen open, just a little bit, as Ignatz spoke. “You – you remembered? After all this time?” 

“Of course,” Ignatz says. “I was very fond of our tea-times.” 

Lorenz nods, still a touch dumbstruck. “I… valued our time together as well.” 

Ignatz’s smile is radiant. “I’m glad to hear it.” 

After that, it’s easy to slip back into their old routine. Ignatz properly catches him up on all that’s happened since the war: his travels, his art, the people he’s seen and the things he’s missed from their school days. They pour the tea and sip it; Ignatz compliments Lorenz’s choice in tea, Lorenz brushes it off as if Ignatz’s opinion does not mean the world to him, and Lorenz catches Ignatz up on the politics of the Alliance and what House Gloucester in particular has been involved in.

“That’s quite the burden for you to bear alone,” Ignatz says as he refills both their teacups. “Wouldn’t it be much easier on you with someone by your side?” 

Lorenz leans back a touch, shoulders tensing. Steam rises from his cup and dissipates into the air. “Whatever do you mean?” 

There’s a slightly nervous tinge to Ignatz’s laughter. “O-oh. My apologies; I didn’t mean anything by it. Just… I suppose I’m surprised you haven’t married, is all.” 

“I see.” Lorenz lifts his teacup and tilts his head to the side, gracefully attempting to be nonchalant despite the way the words make his heart flutter and his stomach churn. “I suppose I just never found the right…” 

He pauses. Takes a sip of tea to buy himself some time. What should he say? He knows, logically, he should say woman, but it is not a woman his heart longs for. It is not the delicate touch of a woman he dreams of, but the careful hands of an artist tracing his form both on paper and beneath the sheets. 

“...Person.” He sets the tea down again, eyes remaining fixed on it. He thinks of all the opportunities he could have had to take a wife: all the arrangements his father had tried to set up, all the women at Garreg Mach he had become close to. He’s had more than ample opportunity to marry, and yet nobody had managed to catch his attention, or his heart, the same way the man across from him had. 

Ignatz, voice low, once again breaks Lorenz’s train of thought: “I’m sorry to hear that.” 

Lorenz shakes his head. “It is nothing for you to apologize for,” he says. “Although it is… my duty… to marry well, I refuse to sacrifice my happiness for it. I would like to wake up every morning next to the person I love, if at all possible.” 

He looks up at Ignatz, wondering if his eyes are enough to convey the depth of everything he feels for the other man. But Ignatz is looking down at his tea, now, fingers wrapped around the cup. 

“That’s… surprisingly romantic of you,” he says fondly. Lorenz can hear the smile in his voice, and he wishes he could see it more clearly.

But instead of saying so, he says, “And what is that supposed to mean?” 

The affronted tone is enough to get Ignatz to look up. More importantly, it’s enough to make him laugh. Lorenz thinks of how far Ignatz has come since they were students here: years ago, if he’d used that tone, Ignatz would have cowered and stuttered out a hasty apology. He’s become a fine young man – perhaps too fine for his own good. 

“I’m sorry! It’s just – when we were in school, you were such a notorious skirt-chaser,” he says. “I see I’m not the only one who’s grown.” 

Despite the insult, Lorenz smiles. He playfully bats at Ignatz across the table. “I was hardly a skirt-chaser!” he protests. “I was searching for love. It was in the name of duty, yes, but even then I was more concerned with matters of the heart than of politics.” 

Ignatz’s eyebrows have disappeared behind his bangs, they’ve risen so high. His eyes are wide. It takes him a moment to compose himself, but when he does, he says, quietly, “I had no idea…” 

Lorenz takes another sip of his tea and shakes his head. “No, I suppose not. I doubt many of our colleagues did.” 

Silence stretches between them. Once again, Ignatz hides his face in his tea. And then, in a voice so small Lorenz is sure he’s imagining things, he says, “Did you… ever find it? Love?” 

Another pause. Lorenz sips his tea and slowly places the cup back on its saucer. “...Yes,” he says at last. “But I am afraid they will never love me in return.” 

Lorenz stands. Ignatz looks up. “Lorenz…” 

“I’m afraid I’ve taken quite enough of your time now.” He smiles sadly down at Ignatz. “And I have matters I must attend to elsewhere. Thank you for the company.” 

He hates the hurt that paints itself on Ignatz’s face. But his friend quickly pulls himself together and schools his expression, shifting it to a disappointed smile rather than crestfallen disappointment. “Of course. Anytime, Lorenz.” 

A smile and a nod. “I will be sure to hold you to that.” 

--

Lorenz stands before the Golden Deer’s most recent crop of students. They look up at him with what he would like to say is rapt attention, their quills quivering as they frantically try to scratch notes into their books. They’re a good bunch, he thinks, though he doubts they could hold a candle to his own class’s reputation. 

He pushes such thoughts from his mind as he paces before the professor’s desk. The lecture is going swimmingly: the students are engaged, for the most part; they appreciate his flourishes as he tells them of the Battle of the Eagle and Lion and how his class fared, and they ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ in all the right places. Their regular professor has trained them well.

The only time he stutters is when he happens to look at the door, left ajar to allow the stuffy classroom a bit of fresh spring breeze. From the mouth of it, Ignatz watches, a fond smile on his face. He seems to realize rather quickly that he has been spotted, however, and raises his hand in a shy, hasty wave before running off. Lorenz does not have the chance to wave back, but he hopes Ignatz was able to see his returned smile. 

--

He doesn’t see Ignatz again until the next afternoon. Lorenz catches him by the greenhouses, lost in his own world as he sketches the scenery. He approaches slowly, not wishing to frighten the younger man, but his efforts are in vain: the moment he gets close, Ignatz jumps. 

“L-Lorenz!” he stutters. “You shouldn’t sneak up on me like that…” 

“My apologies,” Lorenz says, bowing to him out of instinct. “It was not my intention to startle you. I simply came by to say hello, and to see what you were working on. No doubt another masterpiece?” 

“O-o-oh, that.” Ignatz looks down at his sketchbook, hastily snapped shut in his surprise. “Right. Sorry. I was just admiring the way the sun was reflected off the greenhouse. It makes the flowers look even more beautiful, don’t you think?” 

Lorenz follows Ignatz’s gaze. The colours are, indeed, radiant, but their beauty in the setting sun pales in comparison to Ignatz’s own. Lorenz pushes the thoughts away and tucks them into the corner of his mind to revisit in memory later.

“Yes, I agree,” he says simply.

Ignatz fidgets, rubbing the dog-eared cover of his sketchbook between his thumb and forefinger. The gesture does not go unmissed by Lorenz, but rather than think about the cause of the motion, he wonders why Ignatz is using such a cheap, poor-quality sketchbook. His art is far too lovely for that, and he deserves much better besides. 

“Actually… I’ve been meaning to talk to you since yesterday,” Ignatz says slowly. He does not meet Lorenz’s eye as he speaks, instead watching the way the paper wears between his fingers as he continues to rub at it. “I wanted to apologize for distracting you. You were in the middle of your lecture; I shouldn’t have…”

“Oh, that?” Lorenz starts a moment, eyes wide as a hand rises to his chest. “Please, Ignatz, I beg you think nothing of it. It was quite a nice surprise to see a friendly face, and I daresay I was beginning to doze off as I spoke…” 

“Really?” Ignatz looks skeptical, if fond. “It didn’t seem that way. You were standing so straight, gesturing so widely. You looked as if you were having the time of your life up there.” 

“I – d-did I?” Again, Lorenz is taken aback. He can feel the tips of his ears warm, and soon that same sensation spreads to his cheeks. 

“Yes.” Ignatz nods emphatically. “In fact, I – ah.” He pauses a second, suddenly anxious. He looks away again and Lorenz notes the pink tinge to his face. 

“Is something the matter?” 

“No, I just… Lorenz, will you come with me?” Ignatz meets his gaze now, a determined shine glinting in his eyes. “This will only take a moment, but there’s something I’d like to show you. Just… not here.” 

Lorenz tilts his head to the side, curious, but he does not ask what has agitated Ignatz so. Instead, he trusts his friend to tell him in his own due time. “Of course. Please lead the way.” 

--

Ignatz leads Lorenz to a guest room, far away from Lorenz’s own. He notes that although guest accommodations are not segregated by status, as the students’ dorms still seem to be, this particular room is not as large or grand as his own. That may be, however, due to the clutter of the room: art supplies litter the desk, books and canvases rest scattered along the floor, and loose sheets of paper stick out from every corner. 

It strikes Lorenz belatedly that this must be Ignatz’s room. 

“Sorry about the mess,” Ignatz says. “I wasn’t expecting to have company. Not that I’m not glad you’re here, of course.” 

Lorenz pretends he doesn’t notice the flush at the tips of Ignatz’s ears as the artist moves about the room, clearing books and papers off the bed. 

“Please, come in,” he says at last, gesturing to the bed once there’s room to sit on it. Lorenz nods and brushes his hair over his shoulder as he moves, sitting upon the mattress with perfect poise. He tries very, very hard to ignore the implications of the invitation. 

Ignatz joins him a moment later, a different sketchbook in hand. There’s something familiar about it, but before Lorenz can comment on that fact, Ignatz opens it up and flips through. “I feel like I should apologize for this,” he says idly. His hands – no, not just his hands – his entire body is shaking, trembling with what might be nerves. It certainly isn’t a chill. “But seeing you up there, so happy, so… so in your element, I couldn’t help but… well.” He doesn’t finish the sentence; instead, he lets his art speaks for him, thrusting it into Lorenz’s hands. 

Lorenz takes the sketchbook gingerly, as if afraid the paper will dissolve under his fingers if he grips it to too hard. He looks down at the page, and a sweeping wave of awe overcomes him.

“Ignatz,” he breathes, heart stopping in his chest. “Is this… me?” 

He does not dare to look away, drinking in every detail he can as his eyes rove over the page. He only barely notices Ignatz nod in his peripheral vision. “Yes,” he says. “I hope you don’t mind.” 

“Oh, Ignatz…” Lorenz is breathless as he speaks. “Why ever would I mind?” 

Beside him, Ignatz shifts on the bed. He’s still trembling, just the slightest bit, but the sigh of relief he breathes proves enough to Lorenz that it is, in fact, nothing more than simple nerves. “I – I don’t know,” he admits, the ghost of a hysterical laugh bubbling in his voice. “I drew you without your consent, and–” 

Lorenz sets the sketchbook down beside him delicately, careful not to smudge the charcoal or dirty the sheets. He would hate for something so beautiful as Ignatz’s work to be marred out of negligence. He smiles softly. “Ignatz.” 

“–and I knew you wouldn’t hate it, but I wasn’t sure how it would come across, and I just–”

“Ignatz.” 

“I wanted to capture you looking like that, just once, before I had to go home and maybe not see you again for years–”

And then Lorenz does something he vowed he would never do: he takes Ignatz by the hand, right in left, and pulls his old friend in to a kiss.

Ignatz goes completely still against him. Lorenz feels it and almost panics, opening his eyes to make sure he hasn’t just made the biggest mistake of his life. But Ignatz relaxes, slowly, and melts into him. His eyes slip shut and he squeezes Lorenz’s hand, a quick and gentle flex of the fingers. Lorenz can’t tell if Ignatz is trying to reassure him or making sure this is real.

They part. Warm breath tickles Lorenz’s lips, and he finds himself wanting more, more, more. But he stops himself, holds himself back (as always), as if any motion at all will shatter this moment. He knows, logically, that it will end eventually, but for now, he wants to hold on to this as long as he can. 

“Lorenz…” 

“My apologies,” Lorenz breathes. He doesn’t move except to incline his head. Ignatz follows the motion, and their foreheads touch. “I acted rashly.” 

“No, no,” Ignatz says. He’s close enough Lorenz can feel him smile without properly seeing it. “Don’t apologize. I… I’ve wanted that for a very long time.” 

A kaleidoscope of butterflies bursts open in Lorenz’s chest, filling him from head to toe. He almost laughs, giddily and hysterically, but he manages to scrape together just enough of his composure to keep himself from making any untoward outbursts. “H-have you?” 

He curses the way his voice cracks, how it lilts like a fawning schoolgirl’s, but Ignatz simply laughs, apparently giddy himself. “Of course I have. I’ve admired you for years, Lorenz.”

Lorenz doesn’t know what to say. A thousand thoughts scatter through his mind in a whirlwind, none settling long enough for him to make sense of the situation. So, instead of speaking, he simply allows himself to laugh at last – though it comes out sounding more like a sob. “Truly?” 

“Yes.” Ignatz squeezes his hand again. He looks down at his lap, which has the tragic effect of hiding that beautiful, bright, all-encompassing smile from Lorenz. “How could I not? You’ve always been so… so well put-together.” He pauses to think, and looks up again, gesturing to the discarded sketchbook. “And handsome–”

“Well, I cannot argue with you on that account…” 

Ignatz laughs. “And humble,” he jokes. “But more than that, you… you were always kind to me. You showed me that I didn’t have to follow a path others set out for me. That I could be what I wanted, and didn’t have to sacrifice anything. That I could be a knight who paints. Though I’m afraid the knight part hasn’t quite worked out…” 

Lorenz flicks his hair off his shoulder with his free hand, suddenly embarrassed. “You speak too kindly of me,” he says, then adds: “...Please do not stop.” 

Ignatz laughs and, in a move so bold he never would have even thought to do it a few years ago, swats Lorenz on the side of the head. “Did I mention I like your sense of humour, too?” 

“Funny, I seem to recall most of our classmates thinking me humourless.” He can’t help but deflect, unused to this particular sort of compliment. 

“Then I suppose I’m just lucky in that I’ve been able to see this side of you.”

Lorenz closes his eyes. “Not as lucky as I, it would seem.” 

“Hm?” 

“That you would have chosen me, of all people, despite our…” Lorenz trails off, letting the unsaid words hang between them in the air. His heart shrivels and sinks when he notices the smile fade from Ignatz’s lips, and he wants nothing more than to reach over and bring it back.

So he does. 

Lorenz allows himself his moment. He leans forward to caress Ignatz’s face with the back of his hand, smiling softly. “Ignatz.” 

Ignatz leans into the touch, sighing and reaching up to hold Lorenz’s hands. “I know. I’m sorry, Lorenz…”

“Do not apologize.” Lorenz’s voice is stern, leaving no room for argument. “I never once allowed myself to even dream of a moment like this, Ignatz. The mere fact that we are sharing it now is more a blessing than any holy power could ever bestow.” 

The smile slowly creeps back onto Ignatz’s face. “It doesn’t have to be the last, you know.” 

“No,” Lorenz agrees, but the surprise in his voice makes his statement come out more like a question. Ignatz seemingly decides to take it that way.

“No. If you will allow me, I… I’d like to paint a portrait of you, Lorenz.” He looks down at his lap, shy. “Not now, of course; after I finish the portraits of the four saints. But after, if it’s convenient for you…” 

Convenient! What did convenience matter to Lorenz? If given the opportunity, he would happily move mountains if it meant he could have Ignatz close to him once more. “Think nothing of convenience,” he says, nose wrinkling on the final word. “You are more than welcome in Gloucester whenever you please. Merely send word and I will personally see to it that you have a room made up close to my own.” 

Ignatz’s eyes shine. “Really?” 

“Of course. Only the best for my…”

Lorenz pauses. The word friend burns on his tongue. It is what they are, yes, but they are also so much more now. It doesn’t feel right to use such a simple word to describe their relationship anymore. 

Sensing his hesitance, Ignatz leans in and kisses him again, long and slow and soft. When he pulls away, he strokes Lorenz’s hair away from his face. “We don’t have to put a name to it now. There’s plenty of time for us to figure that out. For now, let’s just… enjoy the moment.” 

Lorenz nods his agreement, and no more words need to be said. They kiss again, wrapped up in each other’s arms, and spend the rest of the evening enjoying each other’s company and warmth. 

--

Too soon, Lorenz’s time at Garreg Mach comes to an end. Saying Goodbye to Ignatz is difficult, all the more so for the nights they’ve since spent together. But he leaves with a warm heart, comforted by the knowledge that this time, they will not be separated for nearly so long. 

“Whenever you finish here, write me,” Lorenz says, taking Ignatz’s hand in his own. Ignatz’s brushes the back of it with his thumb. 

“Of course,” he says. “And you’ll write to me too, won’t you?” 

“Every day, if I must.” Lorenz smiles and lifts Ignatz’s hand to his lips. “I will think of you often.” 

“And I you.” Ignatz smiles as he withdraws his hand, then reaches into an inner pocket of his overcoat. He procures a folded piece of paper and places it in Lorenz’s hand delicately. 

“For you. To remember me by.” 

Lorenz moves to open it, and Ignatz quickly stops him. “No! Ah, I mean, um… Please don’t open it here.” 

“Ignatz,” Lorenz begins slowly. A sly smile graces his lips. “This isn’t anything… untoward, is it?” 

“N-no!” Ignatz waves his hands in front of himself frantically, ears and face an adorable shade of red. Lorenz is worried that his glasses will fall off with how violently he shakes his head. “Nothing like that. It’s just that I’m… you know… still a little bit…” 

“Shy?” Lorenz finishes for him. He takes Ignatz’s chin in his hand and smiles down at him lovingly. 

“Shy.” 

Lorenz tilts Ignatz’s face to his and kisses him softly. When he parts, he whispers, “Adorable.” 

“Lorenz…” 

The two of them pull away from each other, both smiling despite the grief at having to part ways. Ignatz is the first to break the silence. “Until next time?”

“Until next time.” 

--

When Lorenz returns home, he takes his evening tea alone and locks himself in his bedroom. His bags will be brought to his room later – for now, he wants nothing more than solitude. 

He sits at his desk and carefully, gingerly unfolds the sheet of paper Ignatz had given him. On it, sketched in coloured pencil, is a picture of Lorenz, sleeping peacefully in Ignatz’s bed. 

He smiles to himself and sets the paper on the desk. He will need to find an appropriate frame for it, but for now, he is simply too tired to worry. And though he knows he won’t sleep as soundly and comfortably as he did those nights they shared together, Lorenz feels perfectly at peace as he lays down for the night, knowing that Ignatz will be thinking of him, as well.