#glad YOU can control your hyper fixations but when I hyper fixate on things I literally can’t do anything about it

[korgidorgi]

I LOVE YOUR WINGED READER STUFF.

At the end of your HC with Mel, you mentioned that Reader and Mel see each other after the fic with Ambessa. So, and hear me out, Singed turns Reader into a giant monster to fight in the war‼️

Mel Medarda x Winged!Reader - new plot idea (thanks anon :3)

I actually already have a plan for the next bit of the story, but I really do love that idea! So I’ve maybe kinda added an alternate timeline for you :)

This was actually super fun to write, thank you so much for the prompt! I’m so glad you like my series!!!! I didn’t really do the giant monster thing, but I did practically get rid of everything that makes King Raven King Raven >:3 (lmk if you really want the big scary monster reader and I’ll write another one this was so funnn)

Idk when I’m posting this, but I wanna post it now bc all I’ve been doing the last few days is writing writing writing for this Winged!Reader series thing. The hyper fixation is hyper fixating and I can’t stop it. Gods I need to learn patience lmaoooo (I lied I wrote for 6 hours and now I’m posting)

Lowkey, this can be a follow up next chapter to the Ambessa fucking hates you fic. Like, it actually flows and that one makes this all make sense. Nothing feels better than puzzle pieces putting themselves together for a project you never thought would be a project. Like, I’ve had this fucking character in my head since before season two came out and this just let me put it all together and develop this story for myself. (Maladaptive daydreamer much?) Anyways, I’ll stop ranting and raving, I just actually lost myself in writing this wsjjkanjsidfiwj.

Oh my gyatt this is a long one…

Warnings: Violence, cursing, mind control?, blood, injuries, angst

Summary: basically the above ask.

Ambessa still has you in her possession, hidden away from the world. Singed runs the final ‘treatment’ you’d failed to receive three years ago when he first had you in his lab, when he first made you into his creation. Under Noxian control, possession, and guard, you remain close to his needles and his concoctions. With the help of the Herald’s existence and the relationship with Singed’s work, your mind becomes entangled with thoughts that are not yours. Commands slip into your head, your body obeys. Flashes of what’s happening feel like a dream, or a bad trip. Sound is a whirr in your mind, blending together in a cacophony of noise. You’re unable to make out what is producing them, let alone be able to separate them. Your mind is barely present, pushed down by whatever concoctions Singed has pumped into you once again. Trying to fight the loss of control is painful, a way to keep you compliant, keep you beaten back and unable to defy your destiny.

Flashes of large ships stain your mind, just barely in focus. The harsh clinking of metal, chains, waves against a hull, people shouting, Ambessa barking orders. It’s a blur. The only thing crystal clear in your head is the orders you’ve been given by Singed and Ambessa. It’s hard to focus on anything but your orders, even then, you blindly follow, unable to stop your own body from moving on its own accord. Your body is wrapped in red and metal. Noxian war garments. A new, metallic mask adorns your face, a twisted version of a falcon with sharp edges and a dark aura. Your hands grip the weapons in your hands; a Noxian war spear in one, and a close combat heavy blade gauntlet in the other.

The boat lurches, and the utter of a single word sends you into action. Your wings spread, beating quick and sending you into the air. Dodging projectiles, you use your weapons expertly, fighting with horrifying swiftness and strength. Piltovian’s stand no chance against you. You’re stabbing, slashing, swinging, wrestling with anyone you come across. Each face your eyes focus on only reveal the same sinister face that put you in this position, the face that causes agony whenever you see it. Rage boils in your blood, activating the Shimmer in your body. Pain surges through your body and your mind, forcing you to continue and discouraging any urge to disobey.

You’ve flown past the enemy lines, far into their territory. Your objective to clear a path to the Hexgates at any means necessary. You slaughter your way to the building, leaving so much blood in your wake. Stepping up the staircase to the front doors of the building, you wipe the blood from your weapons, revealing the shimmering steel beneath the red liquid. The heavy doors are locked, but it’s not a problem for you. One swift, Shimmer-fueled kick to it breaks the locking mechanisms. The doors uselessly swing open slowly, groaning as the hinges protest. More enforcers are inside, opening fire the moment they see you. You move quickly, dodging most of their fire as you rush them one by one. Blood splatters across your form with each enforcer you take out, staining your red drapes, your feathers, and your armor. Only a few stray bullets hit their mark, but only to just end up grazing you. Small tears in your outfit build up, showing the others how much strength you wield against them despite each injury you sustain. None of your injuries slow you down, your body moving like a machine. Your movements are automatic, calculated, the end goal to remove everyone who stands against you. The Shimmer in your veins helps to begin closing the wounds, keeping you moving towards your objective.

His face is everywhere. No matter how many times you rid your vision of him, another version of him pops up, another sting of pain paired with it. You close in on him, quickly slashing his throat with your spear before he can fire at you. Another version of him fires at you from down the hall. Your eyes snap over to him and your body moves on instinct, quickly closing in on him. You thrust your spear into his chest, easily slicing through his blue armor and quickly staining it a dark red. He falls from the tip of your spear, only for another version to take his place further down the hall. It’s a nightmare you can’t wake from. The only way forward is to fight, to kill until you stop seeing his face. You remove the blade from another body, huffing as you do. Confusion, rage, panic, it all flows through your system, your mind. You can feel that something is wrong with you, but you’re so disorientated, stuck in this twisted nightmare that feels so real with the pain searing through your body.

You turn your attention back to the task at hand, focusing on clearing the way to the Hexgates. One more figure stands in your way. Singed stands at the end of the hall, donned in a white cloak, a hood over his head. There is no weapon in his hands, only the golden threat of pain swirling around him.

His words are muffled, making your vision blur more. You shake your head, trying to clear your vision. You can barely make out what he’s saying. It’s so similar to his voice, but there’s another element to it. Something gentle.

“Get out of my head…” You seethe at him, your grip on your weapons increasing as you begin to take strides towards him.

With a wave of his hand, a wave of golden pain rushes towards you. You swiftly dodge it, beating your wings to get an advantage above him. Before you can get too high to make your move, two golden tendrils wrap around your ankle, pulling you back down to the ground. You quickly adapt, swiftly closing in on him to land a strike against him. You miss. He’s too quick and sends another wave of gold at you, his mottled voice ringing out yet again, this time his tone is a bit more desperate. Only a few of his words stick in your mind.

“I… …not… …r— enemy—“

His voice is barely understood, fading in and out of your mind, but it doesn’t sound like him. It’s something softer. Familiar.

Despite it, you don’t stop your objective. Your body moves against your will, continuing to strike out at him. Your body and mind are still driven by fear and illusions, working like an unstoppable, well-oiled machine.

With each golden wave of potential pain sent your way, you fight harder. It’s a very balanced face off. But you don’t let the golden waves touch you. Who knows how painful he’ll make you. You can’t get close enough to land a hit on him, but neither can he. It doesn’t seem like he’s fighting very hard to stop you, but hard enough to keep you at bay.

“Fucking fight me you coward!” You urge him angrily, rushing in to try to land another hit.

Before you can reach him, another golden wave comes at you from the side, sending you into the walls of the hall. You let out a grunt at the contact, your mask flying off your face and landing on the floor with a metallic clatter.

Something jostles in your mind. Now your mind can’t make up if your looking at him, or Mel. That’s impossible. Mel is still missing. She can’t be here. Not with Singed.

You shake your head, trying to clear your vision and your mind. You let out a growl, fighting against another golden wave that tries to pin you to the wall. He speaks again, the voice muffled, distorted. Like there’s two people talking at the same time. He approaches you, a hand outstretched to keep you at bay with his golden magic. The closer he gets, the more confusing everything becomes. You’re seeing two faces on the same body, sending waves of intense emotional distress, polar opposites. It’s overwhelming, causing pain to shoot through your mind. You lash out again, trying to keep him away, to end him, to stop the mental torment. Mel is gone and there’s nothing you can do about it.

“Please!” He pleads with you, sending another wave of energy to keep you against the wall. “Remember!”

“I’ll fucking kill you!” You scream at him, your vision flicking between Mel’s face and Singed’s.

You fight against the golden energy, but it’s stronger than your body, keeping you in your vicinity as he approaches you. You shake your head again, trying to right your mind and your vision, to try to make sense of this nightmare. Despite how unreal everything looks and sounds, the pain and emotion surging through your body and mind screams otherwise. You can’t tell what is what anymore, if anything is even real.

You break free of the golden energy, rushing him again with unparalleled speed. You manage to push him back, pinning him against the wall on the opposite side of the hall. You hold your blade against his throat, your body freezing as you pin him to the wall. Your mind can’t make up who you’re looking at. You can’t bring yourself to hurt her.

“What did they do to you, my Dove?”

The first cohesive sentence uttered since your mind got thrown into a blender. Your chest feels like it’s being squeezed, but your body remains frozen. Singed would never know to say that. Despite your mind flicking through the two different faces, one thing that remains constant is the eyes. Full of concern and sorrow, holding a tenderness only one person has ever shown you. Your breaths come out in ragged huffs, your mind erupting in pain as you try to piece everything together.

A hand comes up to gently move a piece of hair from your face, the touch gentle, so gentle. The longer you look, the more clear her face becomes, the illusions beginning to fade from your mind and vision. A soft, warm, golden glow emanates from her hand, her face slowly coming into focus, the illusions of Singed’s wrinkled, bandaged face slowly fading. You blink, shaking your head slightly before focusing back on her.

“Mel…?” You ask so softly, your voice breaking.

Your grip loosens on her, noticing the heavy blade you have against her throat. A stab of guilt washes over you, sending a small electric shock through your chest. Slowly, you come to your senses, but the pain in your head begins to increase. Your face contorts into one of pain as you try to fight it, trying to believe that Mel is here. And you almost killed her.

You back away from her, your body trembling from the emotional and reality whiplash. Your weapon drops to the ground with a loud clatter, echoing through the hall. Your hands move to your head as the pain increases. The room begins to spin, sending you stumbling back as you try to right your bearings. Pained cries leave your lips, both from the physical pain and emotional overwhelm. Tears streak down your cheeks, both from pain and intense anguish. You can’t bring yourself to look at her again, backing away from her. You glance down at the armor you’re clad in, noticing the blood staining the metal and soaking it the cloth.

A soft hand rests on your shoulder, pulling you back to the present. You flinch from her touch, backing away from her yet again. Your eyes meet hers, wide with fear and anguish as you finally see her face. The pain in your head is intense, making it hard to focus. Mel just takes another couple steps to you, placing both of her hands on each side of your face.

“My Dove…” She murmurs softly, her eyes taking in your physical and mental torment. “It’s okay, I’m here. I’ve got you.”

She presses her forehead against yours, her eyes closing softly. You lean into her touch, your body losing the strength to continue with your orders from Ambessa. It’s like a filter has been removed from your mind, or maybe placed in to filter out the filth that’s been clouding your mind. Everything is still confusing, you’re still trying to piece together what you’ve just done, what you’ve been seeing, acting upon.

A choked sob leaves your throat, your knees becoming weak under her touch. The way she so quickly forgives you. Her arms wrap around you, pulling you against her as you cry, apologies tumbling from your mouth as you cling to her.

“Its okay, Dove.” She reassures you, her voice soft, smooth like silk. “You weren’t in control. It wasn’t you.”

You try to compose yourself, remembering the war that’s happening outside. After a few moments, you pull back, gazing at her, taking in the golden markings that adorn her skin. Your hand comes up to cup her cheek, your thumb gently stroking across her skin, tracing over the gold.

“I can’t believe you’re really here…” You murmur softly, your voice threatening to break again.

“I’m here, Y/N,” she reaffirms to you, giving you a small squeeze to emphasize her statement. “I always will be.”

“We can’t stay here.” You speak again, pulling back from her, albeit reluctantly.

“I know.” She replies solemnly. “We have to stop Viktor from getting to the Hexgates.”

“Yeah,” you confirm quietly.

She takes a step towards you, not allowing you to pull away from her.

“He’s not in the sphere.” You reveal to her, trying to remember the flashes of Ambessa’s plans. “It’s a diversion.”

“Then where is he? How is he getting to the Hexgates?” She asks, concern evident in her tone.
“I don’t know, exactly.” You admit, shaking your head. “I’m sorry, I wish I could be of more help to you.”

“Don’t apologize,” she brings a hand to your cheek again, gently guiding you to look at her again. “You can only do what you can.”

••• ••• •••

The telltale sound of a rifle firing rings from the other side of the door. There’s a glow about Mel, a physical manifestation of her magic. The large doors of the building swing open as Mel approaches them, sunlight bathing the hall in its warmth. She approaches Ambessa, lowering her hood.

You look out at the terrace from behind her, seeing Caitlyn kneeling on the ground, a body collapsed right next to her. The slew of Noxian soldiers awaiting Ambessa’s orders, red flags waving in the wind.

“If you care for me at all, spare their lives.” Mel speaks as she strides out onto the terrace of the building. “There is nothing to gain from this senseless bloodshed!”

Ambessa rolls her eyes at Mel’s appearance. “Still a fox.” She scoffs before calling out to her soldiers.

Her soldiers weapons raise, broad shields protecting their bodies. Mel glances around at the army before her. A distant approaching sound of music echos through the city, an airship rounding a corner and setting off explosions as it enters the airspace. People on hoverboards launch themselves from the craft, descending on the soldiers. Everyone’s attentions are on the cacophony above.

“Fire!” Ambessa orders, taking a swing at the Firelights as they swoop in from above.

Chaos erupts as the soldiers follow her orders, attacking the firelights as they close in. Some of the soldiers engage Mel and yourself, the two of you defending yourselves against the soldiers. The scuffle ends quickly, however. The ground shakes as a large block slams into the cocoon like sphere, smashing it into pieces. You immediately rush over to Mel, using your wings to wrap around her to shield her from the blast. Mel also shields the two of you from the debris with her magic, a golden shield appearing between the two of you and the impact. Once the dust settles, you step back from her, glancing between the diversion and Ambessa.

Ambessa smirks at the two of you, glancing at Caitlyn’s fallen face. Her soldiers move to create a ring around you, a sort of battle ring.

“Mother, look at the price of your ambition.” Mel speaks again, glancing around at the chaos of the city, taking another step forward. “You’ve sacrificed everything. Rictus, Kino, the city I built for this family.”

“If it was for us, you wouldn’t have fought me.” Ambessa sneers at her.

Mel scoffs at her mother. “You are no Medarda.”

“You remember your—“

A sudden blow from Caitlyn cuts Ambessa’s response off. “Shut up and fight!”

Caitlyn grabs an unattended spear from the ground, readying herself to take on the warlord. Without words, Ambessa picks up her own spear before launching it at Caitlyn. Mel deflects the spear with her magic, the weapon ricocheting off the shield and embedding itself into one of the Noxian soldiers surrounding the terrace. Ambessa doesn’t wait before sending her foot into Caitlyn, breaking the hilt of her spear and sending her stumbling back. She puts on her own helmet, preparing for a fight against the three of you. Between Mel’s Magic and Caitlyn’s desperation, Ambessa continues to hold her own. Caitlyn and Mel trade attacks, but are unable to do much against the warlord. Mel’s magic just gets absorbed by runic stones wrapped around Ambessa’s arm. The woman fights through a slash to her leg by Caitlyn, easily taking the younger woman down. Mel moves in for a close quarters attack, still using her magic against her to almost no effect.

You stalk around the other side of Ambessa, waiting for a good moment to strike. While she’s distracted with Mel and Caitlyn, you quickly move in, raising your own weapon to take a slash at her. She senses your attack, pushing Mel back before turning her attention to you and colliding with you, flipping you over her shoulder. Her attention is divided by the three of you, but she’s good at staying on top of your movements. You scramble to your feet again, ignoring the searing pain in your abdomen, beating your wings and going in for another attack, this time from above.
Ambessa flips Caitlyn onto the ground again, using her stones to simultaneously block another magical attack from Mel. Before you can land a hit on the warlord, she dodges, grabbing one of your wings, and throws you to the ground once more. She doesn’t let go, bringing her foot down on it with a snap. She lets out a smug scoff at your cries of pain, enjoying the way you remain somewhat under her control, even if you’ve broken through the mental force of it. She sends her boot into the side of your head, finally dropping your wing at the dazed expression on your face. She stalks towards Caitlyn, who grabs a broken spear. She moves in for her own attack, but Ambessa quickly reverses the roles, holding the blade dangerously close to Caitlyn’s face. A golden shield tries to prevent the the blade from touching Caitlyn, but in the end, Ambessa’s blade hits his mark, slicing through Caitlyn’s face.

Ambessa stands, triumphant over Caitlyn as she watches the blood gush from her face and onto the ground. She pulls her mask off.

“You fought well, child.” She speaks down to her, watching the blood drip from Caitlyn’s eye.

Her eyes finally catch the small blade in Caitlyn’s hand, the stones on the ground, and it dawns on her.

“Now!” Caitlyn shouts back to Mel.

You glance from your dazed position, over to see Mel rise from the ground, her eyes boring into her mother’s.

“A wolf has no mercy.” She speaks, her hand landing on a thick necklace.

Your vision begins to fade in and out, the combination of the pain and injuries you’ve sustained beginning to take a toll on you. You try to rise, your strength sapped from you from the fight. Pain shoots through your wing. It’s bent at an angle it shouldn’t bend in, in an area that doesn’t bend. Your chest heaves at the pain and exhaustion, but your grit through it, focusing on folding your wings and sealing them back in the ink of your back tattoo. It’s an agonizing process with the damage done to your wing. You no longer feel the pain in your wing, but in the ink embedded in your skin where they’re stored.

When you finally gain the strength to sit up a bit, you look over to see Mel approach her mother. She catches the taller woman, gently bringing her down to the ground and cradling her in her lap. It’s hard to watch. Despite the life the woman had led, she was still Mel’s mother.

You force yourself to your feet, pushing past the pain of a multitude of injuries. As the adrenaline wears off, the pain becomes more pronounced, even revealing injuries you hadn’t realized you’d sustained. You limp over to Mel, lowering yourself to your knees at her side. Your hand rests softly on her shoulder, a small gesture of comfort if she’ll accept it.

That’s when the strings from above latch themselves to every single person, Noxian, Piltovian, Zaunite. Linking them— you— to the Arcane, to Viktor. It feels almost identical to what Singed had done to you, the magic of the arcane flowing almost the same as the Shimmer in your veins.

It doesn’t last long, an explosion from the top of the Hexgates sounds off. The strings are destroyed, dropping everyone back to the ground.

It aggravates your wounds again, your blood pooling on the ground more than before. The feeling of soft hands on your face and shoulder encourage you to open your eyes. You meet Mel’s eyes, concern etched into her features. She looks over your injuries, wincing at the sight of you all beaten up, your blood pooling on the ground beneath you.

You raise a shaky hand to rest on one of her wrists, your fingers gently wrapping around her. She can see the pain in your eyes, and you hers.

“I’m okay…” You try to reassure her, forcing a small smile. “Are you… are you okay?”

You look over her for any injuries of her own before she guides your face back to look at her.
“I’m unharmed.” She replies softly.

“Mel… I…” You try to speak, but you’re almost at a loss for words.

Her thumb brushes across your cheek, wiping away a stray tear.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry about your mother…” You finally speak, leaning into her touch, your eyes closing again.

“Don’t be.” She responds, her voice soft but firm.

She doesn’t say anything more. She just pulls you closer to her, embracing you gently.

[roguemonsterfucker]

The irony of the person who introduced me to Thrawn also being the person who insisted “you can just stop hyper fixating on things whenever you want!” 🙃

[sonicexelle-junkary]

I have suddenly gotten very hyper-fixated on FNF vs Sonic.exe (insert update/ encore) which led to me being back into Sonic and Sonic.exe, Then I found your blog while catching up on 10 years of missed lore and I am over the moon!!! I love the corruption!AU its gorgeous, I just read through everything I could in the tag lol I do have a few questions though- maybe suggestions to stew ups some ideas, just suggestions <3 I saw a post about how did Sonic get infected? My brain went right to "How did The Rot get on the planet? Was it dwelling underground or..." What my brain went to was an astroid and Sonic being Sonic went to check it out, because he's the hero! he has to make sure people are okay! But that made me think? Would Sonic be patient zero? or are there a bunch of others who have turned already? City's are canon within the comics. The Rot wants to infect would it restrain itself? Say like scoping the area, say go out act as normal as possible and observe others, looking for the biggest group of people (family, friends, etc.) strategizing basically? or does it attack first chance? would it be able to use its host's "powers" like chaos control, Sonic's speed, Silver's telegnosis, and Espio's invisibility? What does it do when there's nothing left to consume? one last thing, wherever it comes from, would it have to practice speaking? like patient zero, being the first to be consumed, would it have to "test it out"? Sorry for the rant, I'm just in love!! <3 It has my gears turning

I’m glad you like the au! This type of story has always been my favourite, so seeing people enjoy it makes me very happy!

A few of these questions have already been answered in previous asks, so I’ll answer the ones that I haven’t answered yet

How did The Rot come to Sonic’s world? Is Sonic patient zero?- Now that’s spoiler territory. You’ll know soon enough. He is ‘patient zero’. That’s all I’ll tell you.

Would The Rot restrain itself from infecting? Does it attack first chance?- The Rot doesn’t have an ‘urge’ to spread. It’s just doing what it wants to do. Like an animal in nature. It will wait as long as it needs to before it infects someone, that wait time can be days or weeks, even months if it comes to that.

Would it have to practice speaking?- Not exactly. It already knows how to speak as it can simulate lungs and vocal cords and whatever else it needs to speak. Though it takes a while before their hosts voice becomes less layered and growly and more clear and unsuspecting. The more hosts it has, the easier it can be to speak clearly. Until then, it rarely speaks in front of others, only saying short words or sentences when it needs to.

What does it do when there’s nothing left to consume?- Well, there has been a thought bubbling around in my mind about that for a while… but I sure ain’t gonna tell you it. You’re just gonna have to figure that question out yourself.

[takerfoxx]

The Owl House, Season 3, Episode 3, "Watching and Dreaming," SERIES FINALE!

Well folks, the much-anticipated finale to The Owl House has finally dropped. Quite a bit...prematurely, true, but at the very least they had time to wrap things up with some measure of foresight.

So, how was it?

...you even need to ask?

Yeah, I loved it. No, it didn't really break away a whole lot from established norms for these finales. The bad guy gets an eleventh hour powerup and turns into a Kaiju, the misunderstood trickster antagonist is made to see the error of their ways and has a redemption arc, the hero has their big heroic sacrifice only to be resurrected with a Super Saiyan powerup, and we have a big fight. The bad guy is finally defeated, everyone is reunited, people get to work rebuilding, and we have the future epilogue touching base with everyone's happy ending. Nothin' we ain't seen before.

But it was still glorious.

Obviously, a lot of moving parts, so here's some personal highlights.

First, only my usual followers will get this, but I got a huge kick about how things started with basically the Restless arc from RD. I mean, the main characters being confronted with their deepest fears through personal nightmares? Sign me the fuck up! And lol, Luz was willing to accept that everyone hates her, but Amity misquoting their geeky hyper-fixation? Never!

I also like how it was the actual characters instead of dream copies, only controlled by the Collector. That was neat.

Part of me was bummed by how little Camilla and the Hexside gang had to do. Basically, keep everyone in the Archives safe until the reformed Collector came in with the save. I get it, it's the finale, but I really wanted to see Camilla go after Belos with la chancala. But then, things did start with Luz, Eda, and King, so it's fitting that they ended with that trio as well.

Okay, look. I'm a jaded, cynical guy. I've seen it all, and I know my tropes. So I knew there was no way in hell that Luz was actually dead. Still, when they've made me care that much about a character and pull things off that well...I was a little concerned. As if in, I kept telling myself that she wasn't dead, that she would be resurrected in minutes, it's a kid's show, yadda yadda yadda. Still. It did affect me. Well done.

Oh, the Titan! You know, I had forgotten the hints about them being caught in the in-between world, but we finally get to meet King's...dad? Mom? Parent? It wasn't super clear. I'm guessing gender-neutral being who appears rocking the Dad-bod because that's what Luz expected. Voice by Arin Hanson, no less! That was a pleasant surprise.

Also, does this confirm that Hooty is basically the Titan's grave worm? Wow.

ANYWAY, it was nice to finally meet the big guy. And it was cute how they were there watching the Owl House along with us, and Luz ended up being their blorbo. I mean, if your dying act was to reach into your favorite show and empower your favorite character to finally earn a happy ending, wouldn't you take it?

And okay, look. I know this is kind of hypocritical coming from me, given that Hordak is one of my favorite She-Ra characters, but I'm so glad that this show took such a definitive stand against not only redeeming Belos, but also shutting down the idea that just because the hero has done superficially similar things to the villain, it means that they're somehow the same. I always hated that trope.

I also love how it made it clear how some antagonists can be redeemed and others can't. For all the harm that the Collector did, they're still a little kid with no real concept of mortality. It doesn't make what they did okay, but it did give them a path to do better. And I loved how they immediately tried to redeem Belos with the power of friendship, only for the show to be like, "Yeah, that don't work with some people."

And in the end, the hero didn't bother justifying herself to Belos. She just stepped back and let the people that he hurt literally curbstomp him to death. And it was beautiful.

Now, again, much like the Human World montage in Thanks to Them, I would have loved for certain things to have room to breathe, like Camilla meeting Eda, all the reunions, finding out what happened to Odalia, repairing the Boiling Isles, etc. But with what they had to work with, seeing the healing happening, seeing the sort of people everyone would become (of course Eda would go with a giant hook), really felt right. It was a well-earned happy ending.

You know, it's funny. When this show first started, I often complained about how its episodic nature made it difficult to really get invested, and I still stand by that. But man, once the fetters came off, things really kicked into high gear and this show became magical! Yes, it was prematurely ended, and I would have loved for season 3 to have as much space to be as awesome as season 2. But what they gave us was still incredible.

Goodbye, Boiling Isles. I loved the time I spent with you. Here's to the brighter future you helped build.

...you have no idea how hard it was to find this screenshot.

[mentallyburningwaffles]

Word Boyfriends (A Frog x Duck Word World Fanfic) #1

A/N: Hey I know what you are thinking. Why am I writing a fanfic for some children’s show that literally educates babies how to read letters? Well, in a nutshell, it is a show that I’ve never got to experience in my childhood. I’m going to be 18 literally next year, but that won’t stop me from writing about my current hyper-fixation. This will be a series of fanfics that I might as well post on Tumblr. Take note that this fanfic will take place a bunch of years after the end of the series; therefore, it will be safe for work and fluffy (To be honest, I don’t do raunchy literature anyway.) Welp. Hopefully you’ll feel nostalgic reading this. ʕ ᵔᴥᵔ ʔ

It was a beautiful night in Word World, and Frog and Duck were settling down on the couch after a long day of celebrating with their friends. Now it is time to relax a little.

The living room in Frog and Duck’s log was dimly lit, which had a comfortable liking to it. The house was all cleanly and well kept from the books being on their shelves - Duck is reading a lot now that he knows his letters well, the floors were swept, the dishes are done, and dusting was already done by Frog an hour ago.

“That party was something that we’ve never done before,” exclaimed Duck. “You’ve always thrown parties around your birthday Y’know?”

“Oh yeah. It was so much fun,” recalled Frog who was wrapping an arm around Duck; Duck rested on his shoulder comfortably. “But now I’m glad it’s over.”

“But why Frog?”

The amphibian word friend smiled gently looking at his partner with nice gentle eyes. “Because I get to spend the rest of the night with you.”

The yellow feathered word friend felt light red on his cheeks, and he felt a smile coming along. He quacked happily snuggling with his lover hugging his waist; Frog croaked in happy pleasure.

“Angel,” Duck said. “You make me the most happiest duck in Word World.”

“And you make me the most happiest Frog in Word World, too.”

They both sat embracing the moment of affection and comfort. They have always cuddled with each other and exchanged a few kisses here and there, and they both like being together. That’s why they’re boyfriends.

“I will say I’m in a mood for some leftover ice cream right now,” Frog said as he played with Duck’s hair feathers gently. “And then we can read your favorite book ‘Duck Saves the Day’.”

Before Duck could say anything else, a loud boom came from outside. It crackled and popped just like rice cereal when the milk gets on top of it, and Duck’s face turned from joyful to frightened. His eyes shrank, his smile went away, and he was gripping tight on Frog’s waist.

Frog looked outside from the window noticing that little drops of water was coming at a fast, fast pace - it was not pretty at all from the sounds that the sky made. He croaked and looked back to see his love curled up into a ball with the expression of fear streaking his face; therefore, he knew that he had to do something.

“Honey.” Frog calmly hopped towards Duck sitting next to him. He whispered “Hey. Is-is it okay if I help? What are you feeling?”

Duck was breathing a bit quicker than usual. Instead of steady breaths, he was breathing at a quicker speed with his hand over his chest. Frog was highly concerned and a bit fearful, but he had to understand what’s going on.

“I don’t want it to get me,” Duck shouted with each breath he took.

Frog was panicking on the inside and felt like he needed to do something, so he knew the first thing he had to do whenever Duck felt a strong emotion that he cannot control. He ran towards the bedroom and got the weighted blanked out from the bed that the couple usually sleep in.

He hopped back shushing him reminding Duck that he’s there. The poor word friend was shivering, and his body temperature was low.

“Duck,” Frog spoke softly bringing the love of his life closer near his chest. “I know you feel something, but I think I understand what’s going on.” He looked out the window and back at him. “You must be frightened by the loud noises of the thunderstorm outside, right?”

Duck glanced at him with tear streaked eyes and responded. “Yes. I’m feeling scared, and terrified too. I don’t like the storm. The noise scares me.” He nuzzles him on the neck still quivering. “I don’t want it to get me.”

Frog nuzzled his hair like feathers as if he’s petting Dog, a friend of everyone in Word World. He closed his eyes softly and took a deep breath of sorrow: he feels sad when his babe is upset. He felt rocks in his stomach and a verge of tears, and he remembers how the rain made him feel like he almost lost who he loved best.

“I understand how heavy that feeling is,” Frog recalled. “I remember when I couldn’t come to play with you because I was so scared of the rain. You know my skin feels uneasy and slimy when it touches me.” He lifts Duck’s chin up lightly like how a leaf gets picked up by the wind. “And I was afraid of telling you how I felt because I felt frightened by the fact that would laugh at me. But you helped me.” He smiled. “You built me a coat with the C and the O and A along with a T. I’ve never so excited about water my whole entire life!”

“Yeah. I remember,” Duck wiped the tears from his face - as a result, his eyes seemed a little bit red. “I felt so happy that you came out to play again. I liked riding that boat with Goat. He gave us some great advice: always follow where your hearts lead.”

The amphibian word boyfriend nodded in agreement and chuckled a bit. “I remember that advice too.”

The loud boom came again. BOOM! BOOM! Crackle…

Still Duck held him snug and warm like a huge Build a Bear stuffed animal. His breathing was at a normal motion, he felt safe with the weighted blanket around him, his body temperature was warm. He felt comfortable. Frog felt the rocky feeling from his stomach lift up and he felt a warm feeling that can’t be explained but felt through his heart; therefore, the feeling was security and understanding.

“Yes. I think I did it all right,” he thought. “No actually, I did it well. I think we deserve what we needed in the first place: ice cream and a book.” Then he asked Duck, “How ‘bout we read whatever story you want?”

Duck lightened up. “Yeah. How about those poems me and you are working on in that journal?”

“Okay. Whatever you like,” Frog agreed. “I’ll get us the ice cream.”

[1d1195]

I've never seen the show Glimore Girls! Ive heard good things about it though so i'll add it to my list to watch! I'm not a coffee drinker because it just makes my anxiety hell lol I wish I could though sometimes its SO tempting. The tea leaves are very common in Mexico and are even used in some dishes but personally I think it tastes so gross lol

NOT THE DOGGY PADDLE BAHHAH i chose to do that one too lol

15 MINUTES!? THE WHOLE LENGTH OF THE CAMPUS!? that sounds like a dream😭 Yeah no my campus cannot be walked in 15 minutes lol I think we all makes those jokes haha and what's wild is that I know someone who DID get hit by a student driven bus and she did not get that free tuition lol We have access to campus owned buses and regular city buses/trolley so there's a lot of movement going on which make it insane trying to get to class! Also who doesn't love carbs?! I LOVE pasta and for the past few months garlic bread has been the food i've been hyper fixating on lol The one place i do frequent a lot is the Target that my campus has solely because they have this Kombucha brand that I like. Plus I love target so any little in convince that happens on campus I go straight there hahah

Take your time with Ding! If your still in a place where you need backstory and just setting up the overall story THAT'S OKAY! It makes it so much better when there's build up and tension! I love when stories are a bit of a slow burn, it makes all the action very satisfying to see and there so much character development involved! I know it can be scary to post anything on here but this your blog Sam! You are in control of this and you can do whatever you like!

I've already read part two but im gonna give my thoughts in another ask bc it will be a long one lol so you don't have to respond to this one if you don't want too!-💜

I should NOT drink coffee for the anxiety reason but caffeine dependency is NOT a joke. I don't even feel the caffeine anymore. I love Gilmore Girls some of the jokes haven't aged well at all so please ignore those.

I would fill a swimming pool of alfredo sauce and I would eat garlic bread morning noon and night. I think about Target like once an hour. I think that my longest Target drought was two weeks (I don't even remember why I didn't go).

I'm so glad you mentioned it, because I REALLY am trying to do a slow-burn but I fear I will not be able to make it burn long enough. I am itching for them to smooch already which might be a record. I appreciate your kind thoughts! I think part of me forgets that it's not real life and I can make them literally do whatever I want? Like I don't have to explain the time it takes for them to fall in love if I don't really feel like it 😭💕😍 (I peeked ahead and saw your 2 months comment hehehehe) It was a choice but I needed a bit of time to space some things out. I don't think you'll see a time jump like that again in this one. Or at least not pointed out like that.

CAN'T WAIT TO DIVE INTO YOUR BRAIN ABOUT PART 2!

xoxo

[cl-01-kestis]

The Bad Batch with an S/O who has ADHD

Note: adhd can vary, so I’ll try not to stick with just the main stereotypes of it. As someone who has adhd myself, I’ll do my best to portray as much as I can.

-

Hunter: Your energy is matched with Wreckers and sometimes Hunter feels like there’s two of him on the Havoc Marauder. You can be energetic one moment and tired the next, so you definitely give his heightened senses a run for their money. But he loves your adhd, because it’s a part of you, and he loves every part of you. Hunter believes that your adhd makes you different, in a good way, just like him and his brothers. The way you view life is different from the way he does and he likes to listen to how you portray life and how you think. At the end of the day, Hunter isn’t effected by your adhd, he’s never annoyed and never put off by your sudden shifts in mood and attitude, because he knows it’s not your fault. He loves you just the way you are.

Crosshair: not going to lie besties... I feel like he would find it annoying at first. He would comment on your behaviour and fidgeting (if you fidget), and even put his hands on your shoulders to keep you still. But with scolding from his brothers and them forcing him to apologise, he eventually stops and realises that you have no control over your adhd. Crosshair even searches the net in order to learn about how to talk and act around someone like yourself. But in the end you reassured him that he didn’t need to change the way he was. You ended up accidentally confessing how you felt towards him whilst you were lecturing him on not changing who he is, but you were pleasantly surprised when Crosshair reciprocated your feelings and caught you off guard by kissing you. It was a rollercoaster of emotions.

Tech: In some way, Tech considers if he has adhd after he met you. I personally think he has symptoms due to his fixation on certain things, specifically things that he loves and makes him feel comfortable, and his energetic/lively persona. You educate him about adhd - he might’ve asked you to teach him, cough cough - and he was fascinated by listening to your perspective on things. However, you aren’t always energetic, you probably get more tired than you do hyper, but Tech is excellent when handling this situation. If your in a tired/exhausted mood, he urges you to go to bed and even makes you a hot drink. If he isn’t busy, he’ll even join you in bed and cuddle with you until you fall asleep.

Wrecker: Oh boy, like I said in Hunter’s one, your energies are completely matched. Wrecker is fuelled with adrenaline and shows his energy physically, and you’re energetic in a way that involves lots of talking and futile information about literally anything. You’re a pretty geeky person, almost opposite from Wrecker, but the two of you are similar mentally. He makes you feel included and not left out from the rest of the group, the two of you stay up for hours talking about everything and anything; from the way a Bantha’s fur feels, why the Marauder’s shower water was so cold, what kind of holo-shows you like watching, and even your plans together for the future. You’re glad to have a guy that makes you feel comfortable, and more like yourself.

-

Bad Batch Masterlist

[dappercritter]

Random She-Ra Season 5 Thoughts: THE FINAL RAMBLING

Yep. I finally got all my crazy absurd thoughts about this gay adventure-romance-drama cartoon summarized into one incoherent yet fun to read computer document/article! ...four months after the show itself ended. Oh well, no one’s perfect. Anyways, there are a whole lot more insane observations than ever before, so I had to put it below a link so this thing didn’t back up my blog or any of yours. Hope you enjoy reading through these as much I enjoyed spouting them for no discernible reason other than I felt like it!

-I feel that since is the last season, I ought to talk about an important part of the show that I’ve been putting off: the animation. It’s… okay. It’s definitely smoother than what the original 80’s show and it’s brother series (heheh) looked like, but at the same time it still seems to suffer from similar limitations which causes some distracting moments of stiffness. But other than that, it’s pretty good. It’s no Titmouse or Studio Mir but it looks good and it gets the job done.

         -After all, let’s not forget: “Imperfection is beautiful!”

-Even when things are at their lowest, Adora is a jock with a heart of gold.

-Horde Prime and the Galactic Horde’s aesthetic feels like a mixture of Catholicism, Scientology, Heaven’s Gate, and modern Microsoft, and honestly, that just makes him creepier.

-Speaking of Horde Prime, he didn’t waste any time with destroying Bright Moon. …apparently.

-Furthermore, on the topic of his giant holographic messages, WAS THAT A FREAKING MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE MOVIE REFERENCE?!

-Boy, Glimmer and Catra sure got along quickly! It’s almost like they magically understand each other because they both assumed leadership roles and screwed up big time! …I guess.

         -Either that or this season is going to be a speedrun.

-Wow, the Rebellion sure got used to having a once-thought-dead king as well as a known enemy general/abuser running around their camp awful fast, didn’t they?

-Mara’s got a spaceship, a cyber girlfriend, a magic grandma, a dragon, a tragic backstory, AND a force ghost?! Dang, even in death, the girl’s got it all. No wonder everyone likes her!

-(*me looking at the TV rating at the start of episode*) “Why is language in there? Is there surprise cuss words or something in this season?” (*sees Horde Prime seize control of a clone for the first time*) “HOLY FREAKING SH—oh that’s why.”

-Applause to the crew for making the “dinner with Prime” scene for making a meal between a sparkly princess, a catgirl, and alien cult leader feel even more uncomfortable than it had a right to.

-(*me throughout the season whenever a clone was onscreen*) Is that Hordak? Is that him? Is that him? Is that him right there? Oh it is—oh no wait. … Is that h—

-Extra applause for having Glimmer learn from her grey-area wetwipe phase and refusing to sell out her friends again whilst telling the imperialist cult leader where to stick it.

-I would pay a sizeable portion of my life savings to hear what a Scorpia and Swift Wind duet would sound like.

         -In fact, I’d double it if it was just Scorpia singing.

         -Ah what the heck. I would triple it for an entire She-Ra musical!

-As happy as I am to see to see Entrapta interacting with the other princesses again, I have to say that their big reunion left me with some mixed feelings. Here’s a quick rundown:

         -Entrapta, a grown autistic woman, being led around on a leash by non-neurodivergent teenagers—again: that’s bad.

         -The Princesses confronting Entrapta about joining the Horde: that’s good!

         -The Princesses blaming all their problems with the Horde bots on Entrapta’s actions and her hyper fixations alone: that’s bad.

         -Entrapta explaining herself, admitting that she regrets her mistakes, and getting the Princesses to understand that she thinks and communicates differently, but in spite of that, she really does want help find Glimmer: that’s good!

         -Entrapta never gets to call out the Princesses for how poorly they treated her: that’s bad.

         -Entrapta saves the day and goes to space: that’s good!

         -Scorpia and Entrapta still haven’t interacted even though the former is with the Rebellion in the first place because she went to look for her because she is her best friend: …can I go home now?

-How nice! Michah finally got to shapeshift!

         -And he’s rocking that She-Ra outfit to boot!

-So is Darla a back up of Light Hope or do they just run on the same operating system and have the same voice?

-I could watch an entire season of Adora, Bow, and Entrapta going on space adventure in a rundown ship with their custom-made spacesuits, tbh.

-Is anyone else weirded out that Catra’s younger self looked at her in her flashback(?).

         -Actually what WAS happening there, anyhow?

-(*watching Bow’s spacewalk to save Glimmer*) “Is that a Gravity reference?” asked the man who never saw Gravity.

-Speaking of spacewalks, how did Glimmer survive those precious few seconds in space? Does the teleporter teleport a breathable atmosphere too?

         -Also, Catra, WHY did you think it would be a good idea to teleport Glimmer into space? I know you had a plan and the ship was right there but… Ah, never mind.

-Not that I’m complaining but Glimmer’s apology to the rest of the friend squad for her HORRIBLE plan last season went… surprisingly quickly.

-You know as cool as The Star Siblings are, being a quirky band of space-travelling siblings with cool powers and some trans rep to boot, I only have one small problem with them: weren’t there already Star Sisters on Etheria back in season 1?

         -That doesn’t sound right, but I don’t know enough about Masters of the Universe characters to dispute it.

-Entrapta confirmed pan, objectum, AND horny on main. Dang girl, you’re gonna have fun whether you got Hordak back or not…

-“The Velvet Glove” is both a menacing and stupid name for a decadent overlord’s mothership.

         -Wait, it’s from the 80’s canon? Oh. That kind of explains it, actually.

-Goshdangit, I wanted Catra to face punishment for her crimes, but I didn’t think that would involve going to evil alien conversion therapy!

         -Nor did I want her to die! For a second. Actually, since it obviously wasn’t going to last I was… weirdly okay with that part???

-Horde Prime seems awfully okay with Catradora. I mean he’s still super creepy and manipulative about it, but also oddly progressive for an evil brainwashing cult leader.

-(*Adora transforms into a She-Ra through seer will*) First of all, called it. Second of all, WOAH MAMA now that’s a glow up!

-Wrong Hordak did not have to be a thing, and yet, I’m glad that he is.

-Hordak remembers the LUVD crystal and Entrapta… Hordak remembers Entrap—! It’s happening! Oh my gosh, it’s happening! Everybody stay calm!

-Wow, Entrapta didn’t have to be so forgiving of Catra for everything she’s done to her but she did. Only I’m not sure if that was Entrapta taking the high road or the low road.

         -Or which road the crew took for that matter.

-I remember when I thought those “Chipped AUs” floating around here on tumblr were just something the fans came up with and that chipping people was not an actual despicable thing Prime does in canon. I miss those days.

-I know it’s not the same as before or the original design, but True She-Ra’s designs and powers? I think they slappin’.

-Hooray, Adora and Catra are finally making up! And it only took four and half seasons worth of communication failures, toxic villainous behaviour, and physical violence for Catra to snap out of it!

         -…We can go back to Entrapdak now, right?

-Poor Elberon. First they unknowingly adopt a double agent then get invaded by the Horde and now they’re getting brainwashed and chipped by the Galactic Horde. They might be a cute village, but they got some pretty lousy security.

-You know it’s cute that Micah is doing his best to be friends with Frosta and get back in touch with his dad-side, but look I can’t be the only one worried about how the local King is a less proactive leader than the princesses or the known war criminal/abuser, right?

-“The Perils of Peekablue” or as I like to call it, “You Thought ‘Boys Night Out’ Caught You Emotionally Off-guard? Hah! Watch This.”

-You know I didn’t think Scorpfuma would be a thing aside that one moment of flirting near the end of season 4, but they really pushed for it to be a thing! This is… actually pretty great! Perfuma’s not perfect, and I would have appreciated giving them a little more time to bond and form some real chemistry, but at least she reciprocates Scorpia’s sweetness instead of rebuffing it in increasingly aggressive fashion.

-I’m not sure what’s more concerning: that Mermista set a boat on fire, that it’s worded like she had a fling as part of some experimental phase, or that Sea Hawk is turned on by this.

-Peekablue might not be real, (I think?) but he is one dapper dude! Female-to-male redesigns could learn a thing or two from him.

-It involved them getting stung and seizuring, but that was a heck of a way to reintroduce Double Trouble! I swear I got watching them cycle through their transformations in some sort of physical reaction.

         -Or maybe that was just me worrying about their wellbeing…

-Okay, I get the Chips are huge, and actually rather clever threat, but how do these characters get chipped in the first place? I get there are chipped people who spread the chips throught the population but where do they get those from???

         -Do one of those Horde Prime drones just sneak behind someone, slap a chip on their nape then hand them a whole bagfull and say, “Beep boop beep, Horde Prime’s Light, blah blah blah. Alright have fun, kiddo”?

         -Or is it some sort of Alien: Covenant deal where they’re just floating around and Lord help you if one sticks to you?

-HOLY CRAP THEY ACTUALLY GOT SCORPIA TO SING! AND SHE WAS GREAT!

         -Oh shoot. Guess I owe the crew twice my life savings now…

-Entrapdak might be what got me into this show, but it’s Double Trouble that kept me around, so you can imagine how happy I was to see them make their grand reappearance!

-Conversly, you can imagine my disappointment when they just disappeared until the finale.

         -And on that note: HOW DID YOU GUYS LOSE DOUBLE TROUBLE?!

                  -You forgot to cherish them, didn’t you?

-So, Scorpia sacrifices herself just after finding a new girlfriend and gaining some newfound confidence, Mermista and Sea Hawk are split up,and Double Trouble didn’t join the main cast. Why can’t you just have fun like a normal cartoon, show?

-Gosh, I love me some shifting title cards!

-Is it just me or did they sneak in some more Annihilation references on Krytis?

         (-Said the guy who was too chicken to watch the movie and just read about it and watched a few clips online.)

-(*audibly sighs*) FINE. I guess I like Catradora now. Are you happy now, SPOP Crew? ARE YOU?!

-Hooray, Catra’s got a emotional support animal! And they’re a shapeshifting magic alien cat. Those are the best kind!

-Is it weird that I knew that weird glowing stuff on Krytis was just magic all along, or was it just not hidden very well. Anyways, I like Krytis. I like that we got to see a truly alien world with its own form of magic.

-Plus, we got a logical advancement of the magic versus science subtheme with magic being Horde Prime’s weakness! Neato!

-Getting back on the “which is worse?” wagon for a second, I don’t know what feels less right: that Wrong Hordak’s big revelation and his resolution to free himself and his brothers and friends from Horde Prime’s control is played humorously, or that Real Hordak should be the one having this moment.

-That bit with Castaspella and Shadow Weaver where she tells Casta about Etheria being a living thing with inherent magical property, or whatever, while we got a peaceful shot of some boar creatures sleeping was actually kind of nice. It would have been nicer though if it wasn’t part of a power hungry abuser’s obvious scheme. If only there was a kindly old witch lady character who was in touch with nature and knew just what to say when someone was feeling downOH WAIT.

-Furthermore… Why did Shadow Weaver and Castaspella need to have romantic tension?

-Seriously though, where’s our Madame Razz quota this season? Where’s my supportive magic grandma timelord at, yo?

-Yup, they speedran this season.

-I’m actually really disappointed we didn’t see more of an intergalactic new rebellion rising up to fight Horde Prime’s forces across the universe. Especially if it meant we got to see more Star Sibling action!

-Again, I adore Wrong Hordak but I keep wondering what was keeping the crew from just bringing in Original Flavour Hordak. (You know, aside from teasing us Entrapdak fans and trying to distract us with a loveable new character in the meantime.) I mean he could have done the whole infiltrating the clone squads and tricking them bit, too.

         -Heck, he could have done the wink, too!

-I’d gleefully point out Loo-Kee’s cameo this season but apparently, they already made some several seasons ago. That’s what I get for not rewatching the 80’s show and training my eyes first.

-(*sees Erelandians*) Are those freaking Toads and Toadettes?

-So, what’s keeping them from just hitting Spinerella’s chip again? Besides emotional baggage and gale force winds, I mean.

-Perfuma coming out of a cave scared out of her wits, demanding to know who’s there, clinging to her friends as soon as they come back, and balling her eyes out is a big, BIG mood.

-Frosta absolutely decking Catra in the face was nestled somewhere between cathartic and excessive.

         -Netossa spraying her with a bottle of water on the other hand…

-Oh, so Greyskull was the name of a Rebel Squad! I think. Meh, the important thing is we got an explanation and it still sounds cool.

-Leave it to a couple of dads to make a secret message out of a dad joke.

-You know I made fun of Light Hope for being creepy, but I swear that avatar from the Spire is even creepier. I don’t know if it’s her face—those dang blank eyes, man—or just that it she’s less animated than the real thing, but it just felt… off.

-Aww, Noelle made Netossa’s princess weakness illustrations! So cute!

-Forget episodes that deserves Emmys, Keston John deserves one for voicing Hordak, Horde Prime, all the clones, and several minor villains and giving each and every single one a distinct voice! Where my king’s respect, eh?

-Yes, Catra you had a small disagreement with Hordak. …Over sending his girlfriend and your “friend” to DIE IN A LITERAL LIVING HELL.

         -Sorry, I just had to get that out of my system.

-Why does Perfuma get pressured to get angry and go wild when Entrapta’s the one who’s had it the worst out of all them? Why can’t my gamer girl go berserk, dammit!?

-Okay, but really, how do these fricking chips work??? Are they parasite devices who store Horde Prime’s Baptizing Dew then slowly pump it into their host’s bodies? Do they have their own nervous systems? Are they technorganic? Also, how and why do we need to make these chips are bigger threat then they need to be?

-Horde Prime showing up on Hordak’s throne in grand Killing Joke style and casually throwing shades at his brother’s overblown attempts to impress him is pretty awesome, but it feels strangely underdeveloped. Hordak’s not there to have his hard work insulted and we never got to see Adora have any similar encounter with Hordak here before, so unless you look at it from the perspective of someone who has been here before in the Horde story like Catra it lacks the dramatic weight it should have had.

-Scorpia resisting the chip to save her new friends was pretty great, though.

-I swear, when they got to the scene where Adora and the others figured out that Shadow Weaver was grooming her so she could use her to get to the Heart of Etheria, I was mouthing “You B***H” through the whole thing.

-They really brought back Etherian deep magic just so they had something to make Micah threatening. …okay.

-Okay, the rest of “Failsafe” messed me up, so here’s a rundown on all the other messy thoughts I had while the show ripped my heart and ground it to dog food:

         -Entrapta and Hordak reuniting: Yay!

         -Swift Wind yanking her away before she can get through to him: Boo.

         -Catra encouraging Adora to try and take care of herself for a change: Yay!

         -Adora hurts Catra and she runs away: Boo.

         -Adora finally calling out Shadow Weaver on what an utterly horrible person she is: Yay!

         -Adora resolves to risk sacrificing herself to save the world: Bo—okay, seriously, was all this suffering really necessary, show?

-I know I mentioned in my previous She-Ra random thoughts that I supported Glimmadora, but I am okay with Catradora and Glimbow ending up canon. The only problem I have is how rushed they feel—moreso with Glimbow. With Catradora, the crew had an entire season to make it work again and they took it. Glimbow it feels like they were down to the last few episodes and went, “Oh right, we were gonna do something with these two!” then did their darndest to fit in some chemistry in between all the other stuff going down.

-As ominous as it was, the music where Horde Prime starts hacking Etheria honestly SLAPS.

-Okay, I know everyone is magic or something, but I am legit surprised getting electrocuted in water didn’t kill the heroes right then and there.

-Sea Hawk tries to flirt with his girl even as she’s trying to kill him. Truly, he is a man of taste.

-What do you know, Shadow Weaver can only do good when she’s (canonically!) punch drunk.

-You know a whole lot of this could have been avoided if Holo-Mara was Adora’s mentor instead of Light Hope.

-When I think about it, it was actually really clever to make Horde Prime the final villain for Adora to face: a domineering decadent man who’s been in power forever against a humble emotionally vulnerable compassionate young woman.

         -Not to mention the divide between cult-like oppression and progressive freedom. Or something.

-Holy crap, did the First Ones get a great freaking a Great Old One for a guard dog?!

-So, you guys seriously didn’t bring Angella back to reunite with her family OR mention her all season after the impact her death had on everyone all last season until Glimmer needs a power-up at the last possible minute and then you never bring her up again. That is absolutely a dick move in bird culture.

-Entrapta’s hacker sticker gives me life. Gamer girl gremlin princess forever!

-On the one hand, I’m disappointed that Adora and Catra don’t get to have an awesome couple battle against the security monster and win. On the other hand, Shadow Weaver is finally dead. YAY!

         -With apologies to the writers and especially Lorraine Toussaint. She did splendidly bringing this character to life and even if I hated Shadow Weaver, I adored the effort she put into making her one of the most emotionally complex villains I’ve ever seen.

-Words cannot, will not, and will never describe the pure joy that I experienced when I first saw Hordak’s big scene: standing up to and disowning his tyrant brother, saving Entrapta, declaring his love to her (albeit in a nicely lowkey fashion), and then throwing Horde Prime to his apparent doom Disney style with Entrapta cheering him with sheer glee. GOSH, it was everything I could have hoped for from this season!

         -Now if only they kept the deleted scene where they got a moment to themselves before Prime body-jacked him again like the creepy sonuvabich he is.

-Horde Prime just wouldn’t be a religious villain if he didn’t tell everyone to burn.

         -Bonus points for actually trying to burn the frigging planet.

-Aside from the idea of Adora switching to wearing a She-Ra themed dress everywhere in the future, the future vision was really quite sweet, and seeing Prime step in to ruin it made it all the more impactful.

-Can I just say that it’s absolutely wonderful that the show, for all it’s flaws, said  “**** senseless heroic sacrifices”?

-BREAKING: Lesbian cat finally makes up with her jock ex, has a canon kiss so pure it saves the world!

         -In other news, Catradora fans are still spoiled rotten.

-Wow, look at all those character comebacks they skipped through! Look, there’s the chefs from Dryl, Double Trouble, Huntara, the Horde Trio, Imp, Madame Razz—are you kidding me?!

-Grumbling aside, I actually find the idea of the Horde Trio and Imp getting involved in a G-rated science-fantasy version of the first Hangover movie quite amusing.

-Oh dang, they pulled a Castle in the Sky with the Velvet Glove!

-As nice as it was to see Aodra save Hordak from Horde Prime and destroy the latter through exorcism via sheer compassion, I’m rather disappointed we never got to see She-Ra go full Metal Gear Solid Rising: Revengence on any creepy old cult leaders.

         -Yeah, it would have gone against the “love conquers all” set up, but love takes on many forms, does it not? So, why can it not manifest as cleaving your mortal enemies with extreme prejudice to save your loved ones?

-Furthermore, in addition to Holo-Mara being a better mentor, Hordak raising Adora instead Shadow Weaver could have prevented a lot of similar problems. Maybe. Possibly.

         -Eh whatever, he has a lifetime’s worth of fanfiction to make up for it.

-ENTRAPDAK IS CANON, ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.

-And so is Catradora and Glimbow! That’s nice, too.

-Aww, how sweet of them to skip through Catra and Scorpia, and Glimmer and Micah’s big reunions! It’s not like we’ve been waiting forever for this stuff or anything. HahahahAHAHAHDHAHAHFHAFHKSADJHFKAJHDfine.

-And so it all ends with everyone either friends, in love, or both, as heroes decide to make up for it all with a grandiose sequel promising more exciting space adventures we probably won’t see! HOORAY!

-All snarky ranting aside, I actually really enjoyed the finale. It was exciting, heartwarming, and above all it ended on happy, hopeful note without leaving too many frustrating questions unanswered. (*glares with utmost contempt at Voltron and Star vs. The Forces of Evil*)

-You know, this wasn’t bad for a final season, but I think this might have worked better as two seasons. Not in Netflix’s cheap “split a regular 13-episode season in two 6-7 episode long seasons” strategy, but I mean two full seasons with their own storylines leading up to the grand finale:

         -First, one that starts out with Horde Prime’s arrival the downfall of Etheria, focuses on the space adventures, ends with their return to Etheria and gives the characters time to recuperate from season 4.

         -Then, we have one final season that focuses on the Best Friend Squad’s Return to Etheria, Horde Prime’s plan, gives everyone more time to properly reconcile before ¾ of the entire cast gets chipped, sets up a new Rebellion made up of Princess Alliance and former Etherian Horde members, maybe even set up a proper Hordak redemption arc or something, and then our big happy ending.

-On a mostly unrelated note, I also feel that the whole show could have turned out even better if it had been either a dedicated science-fantasy war drama with some levity (like the good Star Wars shows or Avatar: The Last Airbender) or a lighthearted yet empowering slice-of-life action-adventure romcom (i.e. basically a well-made remake of the original show in the style of Adventure Time and Parks and Rec or something).

-My final random thought for this whole thing: we really could have used a triumphant end credits song or something. Aside from obviously recommending Fabulous Secret Powers, I would have also recommended the original 4 Non Blondes “What’s Going On,” a reprise of “Warriors,” Gorillaz’s “We Got the Power,” or (my favourite) Talking Head’s “(Nothing But) Flowers” since the ending scenes remind me of it.

Thanks again to the crew for giving me something to live for and/or complain about!

Now, let’s hope the He-Man reboots do as well...

[sasarahsunshine]

I am sorry if this is filling up your inbox, but I kinda felt like I needed to justify what I wrote (I am the person who told the story about moving in with his autistic friend) because I really did not mean any bad with it.

I totally understand the other anon's and your points. OF COURSE it's not okay to get angry or frustrated or even hurt an autistic person because of something they can't control and yes: I do not deserve any credit at all for that but I want to clarify that there is hardly a thought as repelling to me as the one of hurting or even yelling at her. Believe me when I say that I love her with every piece of my heart and she is my everything since we are five years old.

However, I wrote this because sometimes I will get frustrated never the less. Not at her but with the situation and I know I am not allowed to act on it in those moments. Nobody is being helped when I get angry at her or do things that weren't thought through but believe me, maybe even because I love her so much, sometimes you will just sit there and cry when you tried for hours finding out what is wrong and just nothing works.

And yes: Your point that I should have never moved her in with someone who could possible get frustrated or aggressive is absolutely right and I didn't. We all have been friends for years and I know she gets nothing but love from them but moving in together is still something different than just being friends. You are together in one place the whole day, you can't restrict character traits your maybe even don't like about yourself as much and honestly it's something we all expected and we were also perfectly aware of the fact that even though we never asked her to mask around us that there still can be a lot more aspects of her disability we just don't know about. (And maybe she didn't either)

But I can say that even if there where little fights it was never about something where it was clear that there is no room to fight because it is about each other's wellbeing.

I know that every one of the people living with us would help her just as I do even if that means, like a few mornings ago, sitting on the bathroom floor for an hour until her body is fully dried because the towels where a no-go touch and clothes on wet skin made her scream on top of her lungs.

Lastly: I wrote this with the knowledge that she would be okay with this and yes unless she doesn't switch her hyper-fixation, she will never read this because criminal minds and I quote:"makes my brain feel like a fever dream". I know "she will never read this" is not a green card to just share her struggles but no one will ever know who I am and where we are even coming from but to clarify that too: She, herself, is sometimes very open about her struggles online, as long as I don't publish her name or pictures she is more than okay with it.

I wrote this because the first few weeks of living together she did not talk and often did a very good job in just blocking us out and not reacting. We spend nights sleeping in front of her door to make sure she is okay and we tried everything. Like it was correctly guessed it's our first time living alone and we where just scared that what we are doing will traumatize her even more. We all expected some snappiness or anxiety from her but we did not expect her to shut down completely. And we, right now, don't know if she even expected it herself.

Sending this anon message just gave me the opportunity to tell this to someone because many people reacted like we are ruining our ""youth"" with making this decision and we heard that several times even before moving in so yes, I was just looking for some praise for doing the bare minimum and for someone to tell me that's alright after so many people telling us it will be the worst time of our live which honestly even if you are fully convinced makes you insecure. Especially when our parents, who really love her too, where so skeptical about it even if it means getting her out of an abusive household and I get their intention, and we got a lot of support from them in the end but when they come to visit and they kinda see exactly what they warned us about, they of course are going to speak their worries.

But I still, even after all these weeks, am very happy with that decision. I live with my best friend and girlfriend and more friends around. Nothing makes me as happy as getting up in the morning and seeing the chaos of these people in the kitchen. I could have never imagined moving in without her and leaving her in our old town.

Despite this I am still very open to learn and I am gonna make sure I phrase things more clearly in the future, the last thing I wanted to do is hurt someone with this.

If the anon who wrote that message reads this: I am truly sorry if I offended of even hurt you. I know this blog is for many people a safe place and it was never my intention to hurt that.

(I don’t actually have much to say to this aside from what I’ve already said in the previous persons ask, but I want you to know that I am still very proud of you for being patient and loving and kind to your friend. And I am very glad that you want to continue learning how to be a better advocate and how to understand ASD).

(Also you saying this blog is a safe place made me smile and I appreciate that you guys see it that way, because that’s all I’ve ever wanted <3)

I love you, Anon! Thank you for taking the time to message back and open up communication between yourself and the other Anon (man I need a better way to label you guys).

Also, if you can, tell your friend that I’m proud of her for taking the leap into all this change, and that she’s doing amazing as she slowly figures out how to create a new routine and come out of her shell. Keep loving her and supporting her <3

[apriorisea]

“One Year” You x Taehyung

“And if he gets really annoying, take him for a walk,” Taehyung is explaining very seriously. 

     Jin exchanges a look with you. “Like dog, like owner, huh?”      You grin, but lightly swat his arm.       “We know how to do this,” Jimin complains. “We’ve taken care of Tannie lots of times before.”      Your boyfriend shrugs. “I have to be sure!”      “We are sure!” the other two chorus.      “You guys just go,” Jin says, wrapping one arm around your shoulders and the other around Taehyung’s. “We’ve got everything under control here.” He propels you guys to the door, then stops and gives you a softer look. “Just...don’t worry about anything, okay?”        You smile and squeeze the same arm you had swatted earlier. “Thank you. For all of this. We’ll be back soon.”      From further inside the apartment, Jimin calls, “Take your time!”      Taehyung has already pulled on his jacket and is now holding yours out to you, waiting to help you into it. “Don’t give him too many snacks, Jimin, you overfed him last time!”      The chuckle Jimin gives does not make him feel any better.       Before he can fixate on it too long, you lean over and kiss his cheek. “Ready?”      He nods, then takes your hand and leads you out the door.        Traffic is extra slow thanks to the rainy weather, and you feel another rush of gratitude that your boyfriend had thought to load the umbrellas into the car before you left. Turning to look over at him at a red light, you smile a little at the concerned look on his face.      Stretching over to gently rub the back of his neck, you ask, “Still worried about Tannie, babe? Don’t be. The guys will look after him.”      He smiles automatically at your touch, but doesn’t look over as the light turns green. “I know.” As he turns onto the road that leads to the cemetery, he reaches over and puts his hand protectively on your knee. “I was just thinking about this weather...”       “Rainy,” you say with a small smile. “Dad’s favorite.”       He squeezes your knee.        “You brought the umbrellas,” you remind him. “Such a smart move on your part, lovey.”       He exhales softly. “I just want everything to be perfect for the visit today. I just want you to have a good time, I want it to be as perfect as possible.”       As he pulls into the parking lot, you lean over and kiss his cheek. “I love you, Tae,” you say. “Thanks for taking the time to come with me today.”       “Of course.” Shutting off the car, he gives you a serious look. “Just wait.” He grabs the umbrellas from the back seat and then opens his door, stepping out into the downpour. You watch him walk around to the back of the car and  disappear for a bit as he searches through the trunk for something. Finally, he reappears, moving to open your door for you, holding the umbrella so you don’t get rained on.       “Well thank you,” you say with a grin. “What a gentleman.”       He closes the door behind you, then wraps an arm securely around your waist, pulling you close to him. “Only the best for my queen,” he says with a wink.         You laugh, but are secretly glad to have him so close to you. It was the 1-year anniversary of the day your dad had passed away, and you couldn’t have imagined facing this visit on your own. Cuddling against Taehyung a little more, you take a deep breath through your nose and smile---the smell of rain always reminded you of your dad.        It’s not until you reach your dad’s grave that you realize what Taehyung had grabbed from the trunk of the car.  Handing you the umbrella for a moment, he opens the other one and moves to the iron bench your family had paid to have placed right by the grave. With a silly flourish, he spreads a thick, old blanket out on the seat, then motions for you to join him.       Grinning, you sit next to him, bumping his shoulder with yours playfully. “Have I ever told you you’re a genius? Because I think you kind of are...”      He smiles back and reaches his arm back around your waist, pulling you close to him. Pressing a kiss to the side of your head he says simply, “I love you.”     Resting your head against his shoulder, your gaze wanders to the headstone. Silently, you think about everything that had happened in the last year; everything he had missed. There were good things; big good things, like when you got that promotion, like when your older brother had gotten married, like when your mother had discovered the set of handwritten letters your father had hidden for her to find after he was gone. And the small good things: one of your favorite chain restaurants opening near your apartment, rainy days just when you needed them, your monthly income stretching just a bit further than you had thought it would.      There were also bad things, of course, but sitting here next to Taehyung on a rainy day, you didn’t want to focus on those.       As if he sensed your train of thought, your boyfriend squeezed your waist once.       Good things. Good things like your boyfriend, the absolute love of your life. He’d been your best friend for ages before the two of you had finally decided to give dating a try. Tiny tears prick the corners of your eyes as you remember just who had encouraged you to give it a try.     “I still can’t believe he had to bribe you to get you to go on a date with me,” Taehyung says suddenly, and your mouth falls open in shock; the two of you were frequently on the same wavelength---it was one of many reasons why you fit so perfectly together---but this was just...uncanny.      “It wasn’t a bribe!” you protest.      “Oh, yes it was!” he retorts, hugging you closer. “If your dad hadn’t promised to buy you the world’s biggest ice cream sundae, you would never have gone out with me. Admit it.”      You can’t help but grin as the memory washes over you. “No, no, listen: the full part of that story that you’re missing is that he promised to buy me the world’s biggest sundae if things went south and I ended up losing not only a potential love of my life but also my very best friend in the whole wide world!”      He sobers a little, twisting towards you to look down into your face. “You were never going to lose me,” he says earnestly, his free hand coming up to cup the side of your face.       You smile. “I know. That was the second part of dad’s speech.”      Huffing a light laugh, he nods, then leans in close to kiss your forehead before pulling back, tucking you tighter against his side.      The two of you sit in silence a moment longer.       “Oh! There, look!” You point across the graveyard. “See those flowers? Those are the ones mom wanted.”      He squints a little to follow your direction, then nods seriously. “Those shouldn’t be too hard to find, actually.”      “Do you know what they’re called?”      “No. But we can go see them closer, take a picture, before we leave,” he shrugs, problem easily solved. “They’re pretty.”      “Good thinking,” you agree.      “....How many treats do you think Jiminie has given Tan already?”      You snort out your surprised laugh. “Babe, seriously??”       “You know how hyper he gets when he’s had too many!” he defends.      Though you give a pretend long-suffering sigh, you’re not bothered at all, really. “Jimin knows how to take care of him, Tae,” you reassure, patting his knee. “He wouldn’t let anything bad happen.”      “Hmm.” He doesn’t seem convinced.       “And,” you say, suddenly feeling your phone vibrate in your pocket, “If we get home and Tannie is too hyped up on dog treats, we’ll just leave him with Jimin until he calms down!”      This brings a smile to your boyfriend’s face, which dims slightly when you pull your phone from your pocket. “Everything ok?”      You glance at the screen: it was your mom. Feeling your stomach clench a little, you nod instinctively.      He can tell from your expression that something’s up. Narrowing his eyes, he says, “....It’s Jimin, isn’t it?”       When you look back at him, his face breaks into a wide grin, showing that he was just teasing. Smiling back, you open your umbrella again. “No, it’s mom. I’m going to take it to the car, so I can hear her better, okay?”      “Sure.”      You lean down to kiss him briefly, then hit answer on your phone as you make your way back towards the parking lot, trying to avoid as many puddles as possible.       The phone conversation isn’t long and it isn’t as serious as you’d feared; as soon as your mom found out you were spending the day with your dad and Taehyung, she’d seemed relieved. The two of you had spent a few more minutes, chatting happily and calmly, but eventually she’d decided to let you go, wanting you to get back to “our boys” as she called them. You hang up, the smile lingering on your lips. Our boys. You’d have to share that with Taehyung; he’d definitely love it.       The words are already on the tip of your tongue as you approach him from behind---but the sound of his soft, calm voice causes you to pause.      “She still eats all her dinner before even thinking of dessert,” he’s saying. “So that hasn’t changed. She works hard to take care of her mom and brother---and me, but you know that already.”       Something squeezes your heart and you feel your breath catch in your throat: he was talking to your dad, just as casually as if they were sitting on the bench together, enjoying a rainy day out in the park.       He pauses. “....And, she misses you. More than she ever lets herself admit. She’s sad sometimes, and even though she tries to hide it, I can tell. But she’s okay. I’ve got her. I’m always going to protect her, just like I promised you. I’ll always be there for her.”      The tears are already slipping down your face, unchecked, and you brace yourself for more, but that seems to be enough: Taehyung slips back into silence, so you clear your throat and close the distance between you two quickly.       Too overwhelmed with emotions, you drop your umbrella messily, wrapping your arms around his neck and holding on tight.      “Honey?” He’s surprised by your sudden appearance and hug-attack. “Are you okay? What’s wrong??”     Shaking your head against his neck, you manage, “Nothing. I just...I love you.”     He wraps his free arm around you and hugs you close. “I love you, too. Always.”     When a crash of thunder punctuates his declaration, you can’t help but feel your dad’s eternal approval. 

[basenji18]

Unmasked

A GI Joe: Renegades fic. Baroness manages to remove the mask Cobra Commander forced on McCullen. Celebrations turn squishy and nuzzly. He could get more power and a better angle if he had both arms, but she likes to hold hands, and that's fine with him. He'll hold hands with her forever. Especially when she's letting him six inches inside her.

Her glasses are off, which is different. Usually she makes love with them on, which surprised him, but which he quite likes. The day she first took off everything else for him but left on those black frames was the day his own unrealized fetish hit him in the groin like a heat-seeking missile.

But tonight he wants nothing, absolutely nothing between them. The raw, new skin on his jaw is pressed against her sweaty hair, her hot breath harsh and fast against his ear. Their hands are clasped, fingers intertwined on the pillow beside her head, and when he hits a spot she thrashes and moans, bites and licks at his knuckles.

He almost loses it right there. He's close, but he's going to bring her to completion first. It's a point of pride and honor with him, and he loves the feel as she convulses around him.

(If he can manage, she'll finish first and third. A beautiful woman is like a glorious repeating rifle.)

Ana huffs deep and throaty against his ear, then pulls her hand free and wraps both arms around his back, burying her face in his neck.

James takes his now free arm and slides it under her, supporting them, takes his right arm that's been holding her to him and snakes it between them, sliding his thumb into the slippery cleft above where he's thrusting. Ana yells and holds him tighter.

He loves every single part of her. She looks so small and delicate, but it's the elegant beauty of steel, a lean form of muscle and bone and controlled, animal fury. She's much stronger, heavier, more solid than she looks. He loves it about her. Especially now as he's trying to pound her spine-first through the bed to the old castle floor.

She gives the high, pitiful whimper he's come to know means she's close, and he rolls his hips and works his thumb faster. She yowls and stiffens and he slows but doesn't stop as her breathing turns to moans like sobs and a ring of muscles deep within her clenches and pulses spasmodically.

He waits for her breathing to approach normal and picks up his own pace. She braces her heels and pushes up to meet him, grinding her hips in a way he appreciates. Her dark eyes drowsy and heavy-lidded, she mutters something in Russian.

"What...was that?"

"I said I love it when you finish inside me."

Mark that down as his favorite thing he's ever heard. He obliges her almost immediately, and the feel of her nails in his scalp is the only thing keeping him from passing out in bliss.

Sweat runs down the both of them. Puffing, still out of breath, he licks their mingled salt from her hairline, kisses her hot brow and her eyelids. Runs the line of his nose down her smaller one, nuzzles the shell of her ear, and nibbles the sweep of her jaw up to her mouth to kiss her properly.

Then he gets his thumb back in there.

She comes again, harder, faster. Shorter, but more intense, like her second one always is. She bucks more rapidly against him and makes shorter, machine gun-like noises - ah-ah-AH! - rather than the long, breathy sounds she makes the first time through. She ends with a little yelp and a flinch, like her body is surprised at what happened to it.

He stays inside her, because that's what she likes, and he likes it too. She laces her hands behind his head and they stay there, getting their breath back and grinning at each other.

There are tears on her cheeks, but she's smiling, so it's okay right now. Somewhere deep in her inner workings is the button that releases all the emotions she holds back in the rest of her life, the genuine joy and the sorrow. It's a privilege to him to be the one to massage it, to work it out of her. Early in their physical relationship she'd scared the hell out of him mid-romp, sighs and moans turning to sobs. When she'd finally got ahold of herself, she told him between embarrassed hiccups that he was the first person she felt she'd ever made love to and not simply had sex with.

He forgave her the scare instantly.

Ana reaches up and wipes drops from his own eyes which he had not noticed. With a sigh, she slides him out of her and pushes up on the mattress so they're eye to eye. She kisses him.

Six hours ago, she'd arrived at Castle McCullen with a package and a catlike grin.

"A gift," was all she'd say. "One you should open in private."

He'd had hope of where this was going, but no idea how far. In the privacy of the master suite, she presents him a fine leather case. Unrolling it, he finds a toothbrush, toothpaste, a boar bristle hairbrush, and a fine silver shaving kit, complete with aftershave lotion in the scent he knows she prefers his cologne.

He looks at her with dim comprehension, not wanting to hope. She reaches into her pocket and brings out something that looks like a corkscrew designed by one of his munitions engineers.

"Mindbender won't miss it." Her grin fades at the edges. "It's going to sting."

He kneels before her.

"Do it."

Sting is an understatement. Ana is gentle as she can be, wincing at every turn of the screws like they’re digging into her own skull, until he gently takes the device from her hands and finishes undoing them himself.

He starts to lift the mask off, but stops.Her eyes are shining dark jewels, fixated on him. He cups her chin, strokes her porcelain cheek.

"Wait here. Make yourself comfortable."

He retreats to the bathroom before peeling off the mask. The sensation of air against his skin makes him weak at the knees.What stares back at him in the mirror around haunted blue eyes is a red wolfman plastered with sweat. While not as bad as he'd feared (he'd figured some time ago that there was something in the mask, nanobots or a special coating, which kept him from suffocating in his own sweat and hair growth), he’s glad Anastasia cannot see him like this.

He showers first, scouring at his face and scalp, somehow both numb and yet hyper sensitive from so long under the mask, letting the heat and steam open his pores and soften his hair. Afterward he shaves using the kit she brought him, and cleans his teeth with the brush. Of course he has all these things from before, but these are from her.

At first he thinks it’s the mint in the toothpaste making his eyes water, but it’s not menthol causing his vision to blur. He puts the toothbrush down, buries his face in his hands, and weeps.

After he washes his face, and comes out to meet her wearing nothing but the towel around his waist and a fresh, somewhat raw smile. His hair is a little long, but not much he can do for that right now. Maybe it makes him look rugged.

Ana rolls off the bed, hair half flattened and glasses askew where she's fallen asleep waiting. She’s most beautiful thing he's ever seen. As she wakes enough to register him, a smile spreads over her face. He cocks an eyebrow at her.

"Ye're still dressed?"

"I thought you'd like to unwrap all your presents."

She reaches out and takes his hand.

[glolovescats]

A story of me and my history. My experiences.

CW - trauma, sexual assault, mental health struggles (ADHD, BPD, OCPD, Depression, PTSD, Autism??), self harm, addiction, psychological abuse

.

.

I’m 27 years old, non binary, AFAB. I am the older middle child of 4, all of my siblings are brothers.

I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder) and most recently PTSD.

My first psych evaluation was when I was 5 years old, and I have recently found the notes from that evaluation and they point to early onset BPD traits as well as ADHD.  Though it is stated repeatedly throughout the notes that they could not complete a full assessment because I refused to participate in any activity or or engage with anything that I deemed “too difficult” instead spending more time on the things that I was comfortable with such as painting.

My favourite lines from the assessment are as follows:

“If she is not motivated by an activity, she trends to wander off physically and mentally.  However if interested, she can concentrate for long periods of time.”

 “*Deadname* was a great talker and loved to tell stories on and off topic. She had a keen sense of her own capabilities and was often self-critical of her work stating ‘it does not look good.’ It was very difficult to change her mind and she appeared to want to be in control of the situation.”

I remember after this assessment being medicated for ADHD for a few months. My parents called them my “hyper pills” because if I was hyper it meant I probably hadn’t taken them..... yikes.

After those few months, for whatever reasons my parents took me off the medication.

I have had a very intense oral fixation since a very young age, biting my nails for as long as I remember and being a thumb-sucker, not just during sleep but during awake hours as well, until I was 9 years old.

When I was 11 I began self harming, as a way to release my emotional energy and tensions and soothe myself.

When I was 13 I told my mom about my self harming, at which point she sent me to a psychiatrist again. I was again diagnosed with ADHD and put on medication, which I remained on until my second year of college when I decided I didn’t want to be medicated anymore.  As a teen, I continued to self harm but hid it from my mom as she was very critical and cruel in her reactions to it.  Anytime I had emotional outbursts (which was, fairly often) I would be asked “have you taken your meds today!!?” as if that would solve everything going on.  I spent many hours curled up in a ball in my closet crying, sobbing, feeling like I was going to explode, then hurting myself to calm down.

When I left home for college, I developed anorexia. I stopped cutting myself, but began hitting myself repeatedly until bruises formed, then maintaining those bruises over long periods of time as a new form of self harm.  It was also in this time that my love of cannabis started to really form (I had enjoyed it as well as a teen, but in limited capacities as I lived with parents who I had to hide it from, and they were quite controlling over my social life and free time)

After 2 years of college, my first queer partner, whom I still feel very fondly for and maintain a very strong friendship with, noticed not only my eating disorder but also my self harm habit, and convinced me to seek help.  A few months later I went to my doctor and was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety, and put back on medications.  I was 19 then, I am 27 now and still on that same medication, though the dose has varied throughout the years depending on my emotional state.

I went through some other relationships, some healthy, some less so.

I became more and more in love with cannabis. SPending what little money I had on it. “Borrowing” some from friends and lovers. Smoking when I woke up, in the afternoon, and before bed, sometimes throughout all hours of the day.

When I was 23 I fell in love with a man named Derek. It was the first cis man I had ever truly fallen in love with, and that love became... toxic. Obsessive. At the time I would have called it passionate but I know now that it was very unhealthy.  I put everything in my life aside for him. I risked pregnancy not because I wanted a child (I never have) but because I wanted to make sure he would never leave me.  This is also when my love of cannabis solidified into an addiction.  I was using it to cope with the pain of being so desperately in love with someone who, wasn’t very good at catering to my needs, to put it lightly. He was a dealer at the time, this was before it became legalized in Canada so dealers were still very much needed.  So I always had access to it, and for free or cheap.  We would wake up in the middle of the night and go smoke a couple bowls before heading back into bed. We smoked all day every day, it was what our relationship revolved around.  We would also take large amounts of MDMA on the weekends and go out dancing from midnight to 8 or 9am at the after hours clubs, then go home and smoke to ease the come down. This gave me a love for MDMA which is a terrible thing for someone with low serotonin to begin with.

Nearly two years into our relationship, my friends started to notice that I wasn’t being treated well, that I was always hurting, always longing for more from him, and always pushing aside my needs to accommodate him.  They begged me to leave him.  I was having breakdowns, even with my antidepressants. I was self harming again. I was having rage blackouts. I was hurting.  A few months later, he broke up with me.  I begged him not to. I promised I could be right for him. We just had to try. He didn’t want to try.

Now, 4 years later, I’m so glad he didn’t. Yes, my heart was shattered in that moment, yes it sent me on a spiral, but I see now how toxic the relationship was and he is not anything like the person I would want to be with for life.

At that time I was living in towns on the outskirts of Toronto, but his dumping me gave me the push I needed to move to into the city, which I did, y months later. March 15th 2017.  Moving to Toronto meant more freedom, more access to all the things that made me happy - a queer community, a polyam community *I discovered Polyamoury about 2 months after our breakup and realized how much I needed it*, more job opportunities, more diversity and acceptance.  It also meant higher rent, higher weed prices as I was now buying from dispensaries, higher transit costs and generally higher cost of living.  Some of my new friends were sex workers and it... appeared enticing for me.  however I didn’t feel close enough with these friends yet to ask details about safety, vetting, standards, etc.

Well, I decided to get into sex work for myself, without really knowing what i was getting into.  I’m not going to get into much detail here because my PTSD stems directly from these experiences and I don’t want to trigger myself right now.  But I spent 2 years working as a Sugar Baby and Full Service Sex Worker.  I did not have standards. I was driven by my need to maintain my weed habit - which was at least 2 grams/day - so on average about $600/month or more.  I didn’t take safety into mind more than letting my roommate know the given name and phone number of the person I was meeting up with.  This led to... a lot of fucked up situations. A lot of pain and trauma. I was constantly high, which allowed my to dissociate while these things were happening to me and suppress the memories quite quickly. By this time in my addiction, I was never NOT stoned.  On top of that I would occasionally take MDMA before or during a date to maintain a peppy mood and appearance.  On March 1st 2019, after realising that I wasn’t even making money off of all of it, I was driven far into debt by trying to maintain appearances and a lifestyle that i just couldn’t afford, and a realization that I was dissociating whenever I was being intimate with a client OR a friend or loved one... I decided to leave the industry. It’s been over a year now.

In the first year of my living in Toronto I saw a psychiatrist about my mental instability, my rage blackouts, my obsessiveness. I was diagnosed with BPD and put on a mood stabilizer, which I admit has helped a lot in terms of my heightened emotions and rage problems.

During those first 2 years in Toronto, I was also in a queer, polyam relationship with a person named Laurel.  At first i was drawn to their softness, their creativity, their ability to be vulnerable with me and others.  Eventually, that vulnerability became co dependance. They used me as a crutch, they took all of my emotional energy for themselves and never gave any in return.  While I was being traumatized, I was also supporting them through their mental health struggles and ignoring my own. They had a bad habit of disregarding and stomping all over my boundaries. even after we would discuss them and i would make compromises. I was being abused by this inherently toxic person (I say that, having many friends who have witnessed and felt the toxicity from this person as well). By April 2019 I was drained, I was traumatized, I was falling into a pit and being pushed down even further by the person who claimed to love me.  When I tried to set boundaries I was met with threats of suicide, manipulating me into staying with them longer.  But eventually I started to see through it and I just couldn’t anymore. I ended it. Which was met with a lot of cruelty and more manipulation to the point where eventually I had to just block them from every form of contact and move on.

Throughout the year after that, my weed habit maintained, and got even more intense, going up to closer to 3 grams/day and including concentrates and edibles as well.  I was always high. Always numb. I couldn’t remember anything. I couldn’t focus during conversations even if I was really interested in what we were talking about. I couldn’t stay awake, I would pass out while hanging out with friends, while on public transit, in movie theatres.. anywhere. I could hardly get out of bed in the mornings and when I did I would go straight for the bong.

I was constantly fatigued and I felt numb. I didn’t want to believe my precious cannabis could be doing this to me though, so I begged my doctor to refer me to a psych to discuss changing medications, assuming it was my meds giving me these side effects.  That psychiatrist diagnosed me with OCPD, saying that he believes this is what has always caused the depression and anxiety, and he also diagnosed me with CUD - Cannabis Use Disorder - essentially a fancy way of saying I’m an addict and my drug of choice is cannabis.  He told me that he would not touch my meds until I either drastically cut back my usage or stopped altogether.

I was devastated, I hated the idea of having to not smoke weed anymore. And I knew I would HAVE to stop altogether because my many many many attempts in the past to cut back were never successful. I knew then that I was an addict, just like my alcoholic father, my alcoholic and cocaine addict younger brother. I knew I had the gene too.

I discovered MA - Marijuana Anonymous, which is like AA  or NA but for stoners.  My dad had been sober for 11 years with the help of rehab and AA so I figured I would give it a shot.  I smoked my last bowl on February 29th, I went to my first meeting on March 1st.  I haven’t smoked or consumed any cannabis products since. It’s over 4 months now. I also made the conscious decision to be sober from alcohol as in the past my attempts at smoking less weed led to drinking more alcohol.  I know I need to fight my addiction as an entire entity, not just as one substance.

In the past 4 months I’ve been through a lot of ups and downs.  Not only with sobriety, but with the pandemic hitting Canada mid march, forcing me out of work and stuck at home, it’s had both positive and negative effects.  My first month of sobriety I was fairly manic, I wasn’t as hazy and groggy and fatigued, I had also just started taking Vyvanse - a stimulant - for my ADHD. So I was very motivated and I was cleaning and creating and doing all these things I could with my free time.  Then about a month and a half into it I started to get physically depressed - I say it that way because my mind felt ok. IO wasn’t having catastrophic thinking or suicidal ideation or desires to self harm - but I was feeling very avoidant and sleeping and napping so much more. Two months in, my memories that I had been suppressing with the constant high started to come through to my conscious. Sometimes they were childhood or teen memories, which I could mostly cope with.  But then came the memories from the sex work. The traumatic experiences. The shame that surrounds them.  I was having invasive thoughts. I would lay my head down to sleep and suddenly be in flashbacks.  I had known for a long time (about a year, since leaving the industry) that I was triggered into panic attacks by intimacy and touch, but I didn’t know exactly what was causing those panic attacks. I just knew that touch made me feel so unsafe.  Well, now I knew why. One night I called my sponsor, crying, stuck in a loop of flashbacks and memories and feeling like I couldn’t breathe.  And then the words just flowed out of me, I said “I think maybe I have PTSD”.  Luckily for me, I already had a follow up appointment with my psychiatrist scheduled for the next week. I told him everything that was happening, that I was remembering things but then getting stuck in flashbacks and shame and cycling thoughts. He then diagnosed me with PTSD. He suggested we go back up to a slightly higher dose of my antidepressant while maintaining my other medications (I’m still on the mood stabilizer and the stimulant) and urged me to find ongoing therapy. My sponsor had sent me a link to a group of psychotherapists who work on a low budget sliding scale, so I referred myself to them and within 48 hours had a free 50 minute consultation scheduled.

Where am I now?

Struggling with the invasive thoughts which make me feel depressed, but knowing where they stem from is helpful.  Awaiting my therapy consultation which is in a couple of days, hoping it’s a good match and that we can start speaking weekly or every other week depending on cost.

For a while now I’ve been trying to decipher whether I really do have ADHD< BPD and OCPD all blended together, or if I’m really autistic, because so many of my traits and symptoms overlap with autism.  I’m doing my research now on traits of autism and seeing where I identify.  I doubt I would ever get a diagnosis, as doctors would rather believe we have all these other disorders rather than autism (stigma), but to know where I feel I fit would be helpful.  I have some friends on the spectrum and I’ve reached out to them to discuss as well.  My youngest bother is autistic but he really fits the “autistic teen boy” stereotypes which I do not.  And I understand that autism can present very differently in different genders and different people.  Personally, I believe I may be Autistic and have PTSD. But I will continue to pursue ongoing therapy, as well as DBT therapy, to address my behaviours and see where I can learn to cope better.

I am probably the most single polyam person you could meet. I have no intention of dating, though I do have a couple crushes I intend to grow strong friendships with, until I have learned to cope with the PTSD and intimacy triggers. In a way it’s as if I am currently feeling asexual, because even the thought of kissing someone I like triggers me into a panic.  But I don’t believe that I will feel this way forever so I don’t use asexual as an identifier or label for myself.  I am not working, though still technically employed, my job is in the travel industry and we don’t expect to have enough meaningful work to return to until at least the fall.  When i do return to work I’ll be doing so remotely, as will most of the employees of our company. So I have less transit expenses, less time constraints, and more freedom to focus on myself and my personal development.  I’ve made this tumblr to explore and learn more about autism in adults. As well as to have something to do and distract myself with when i start to enter a depressive cycle.  SO this blog will be a mix of mental health and neuro-divergent info posts, along with cute animals, selfies, travel photos, and maybe a little shit posting - as a treat.

Welcome, and thank you for reading my story.  If you have any questions or relate to any of it and want to chat, my inbox is open.

[lilith-lovett]

Found Families - Home is Where the Hart is - Chapter Nine

A new chapter has arrived, initially I was dreading writing this chapter but I actually got it done in only a few hours and it is a pleasant mix of overbearing fluff and painful angst which seems to be my specialty. I am going to apologise in advance because it gets worse before I gets better but it will get better for Logan, I love him to much not to give him at least some happiness. Just need to get through a truck load of angst first. So hope you enjoy and I really live reading all of your nice comments so thank you.

Masterlist 

Summary: Logan has another encounter with Madame Claire and Patton has a very important conversation with his children.

Word Count: 4952

Warnings: Child abuse, past child abuse mentioned, anxiety, self-deprecation, disordered eating, food mention, blood mention, physical description of injuries, bruises, knife mention, vomiting mention, panic attack mention, self esteem issues, therapy mention, death mention. (This is a dark one so please be careful when reading and if there is anything I have missed please let me know)

Logan lead Patton down the hallway, winding through corridors, paying no mind to the children who stood by and gawked. Sharing disbelieving whispers between each other as they passed them. Patton ignored them also, far to excited by the prospect of meeting Logan’s teacher who they discussed regularly, Logan speaking very highly of her. He was glad Logan wasn’t entirely alone in his place, happy he had someone to confide in and support him when he himself couldn’t. Encouraging Logan to open his heart and allow the real Logan who had been hidden away for so long to make an appearance. Patton was eternally grateful to her for not believing in the lies spread about him by the other matrons, for supporting his intelligence and not squandering his wild spirit.

They eventually stopped in front of a door. Logan knocked, three times, three repetitive raps of his knuckles and the door swung open to reveal a young woman. Not much younger than Patton himself, dressed modestly in a brightly coloured, blue and yellow chequered patterned dress which fell to above her knees, a silver chain settling daintily on her chest. Raven locks scraped back, styled into an up-do secured with bejewelled hair pins. The corners of her mouth stretching upwards into a grin, emitting an friendly and welcoming aura as she welcomed the pair into her equally as welcoming office.

“So this is the man I have heard so much about?” She said closing the door behind her. Patton’s stomach fluttered. Logan had talked about him.

“All good things I hope,” Patton joked releasing a little chuckle as Logan’s teacher did the same. That was a good sign.

“Of course, I am Maggie Blair. It’s so wonderful to finally meet you,” Maggie said extending a hand out toward Patton who took it graciously.

“You too. My names Patton Hart and I assure you I have heard nothing but good things about you from Logan also,” Patton responded flashing a smile in Logan’s direction who quickly averted his gaze, a rosy flush visible on his cheeks.

“I’m pleased he thinks so highly of me,” Maggie said leaning back casually against her desk. “Now, there is much I would like to discuss with you. Logan could I have a moment to speak in private with Mr Hart?”.

Logan after a brief moment of thought and a final glance between the pair, nodded before turning and exiting, closing the door with a soft click behind him. Maggie gestured Patton to sit and he collapsed into a pile of pillows which decorated the well-worn armchair in the corner of Maggie’s office. While she perched on her desk, feet barely scraping the floor beneath her. Her former light-hearted expression had shifted, being replaced by a much more serious one but it hadn’t lost any of its former warmth. And Patton knew immediately what it was she wished to discuss with him. Logan.  

“He has been so much happier since meeting you,” Maggie said with a smile, glancing towards the closed door where Logan was presumably waiting.

“I’m glad, he deserves some happiness after everything he has been through,” Patton replied he could feel the tears building up behind his eyes. No child deserved to go through what Logan had and Patton was determined to give him the childhood he never received, no matter the trials and tribulations it took to get there.

“I suppose you have heard about his past then?” She asked her tone dropping as she broached the serious subject.

“Yes, one of the matrons told me a little of it,” Patton said remembering what Mrs Davis had told him and what he had researched on his own, as the case had been almost entirely televised because of the high-standing of the accused, but he refused to press any further until Logan was ready to tell him in his own time.

“Then you know life hasn’t been easy for him, I want nothing more than for Logan to be taken away from this place and brought into a loving home but I cannot do it myself as much as I would like to,” Maggie admitted scrubbing a hand underneath her eyes, wiping away tears which had escaped from her eyes rolling down her cheeks. “Please take my number, call me if you want some real information about Logan or if you want to check up on him. You’re a good one Mr Hart, Logan deserves someone like you,”.

“He deserves far more than I can give,” Patton replied drawing his phone out of his pocket to receive Maggie’s phone number, giving her his in return. “ And please call me Patton,”.

“Thank you for not giving up on him, Patton,” Maggie responded stretching out her hand once again and again Patton took it, smiling warmly as she dried her eyes and allowed Logan to return. His gaze shifted between to pair, surely attempting to deduce the nature of their conversation but she merely smiled at him which received a ghost of a smile in return. “Now Logan, once you say goodbye to Patton you come right back and tell me all about your day out,”.

Logan nodded in response once again leading Patton through the winding corridors, now free of children, presumably having found something much more interesting to occupy their time, before returning to the foyer. Patton exchanged pleasantries with Mrs Davis at the front desk, assuring her he would be making another appointment to see Logan very soon but he had an important conversation to be having with his own children first. As Logan stood-by, clearly raking his brain for the correct words to say.

“Thank you Patton, for allowing me to accompany you on your outing. I am truly grateful for the experience,” Logan said. Seriously could he get any cuter? Patton internally squealed.

“Aw you’re welcome kiddo, now I promise I will see you real soon,” Patton replied once again reiterating his promise before forcing himself to turn and leave, waving to Logan from behind the panel of glass until he disappeared from view.

The moment Patton turned the corner and vanished from Logan’s visual range, he ran immediately back to Maggie’s office, to relay to her every individual detail of his day out with Patton; showing her his own copy of The Murder of Rodger Ackroyd, re-telling every one of his awful puns, illustrating the astounding beauty of the Planetarium, of each twinkling stars as it travelled across the projected sky, entire galaxies awash with colour, a simple explanation could never do it justice. He told her of their conversations, dissecting every one of their interactions throughout the course of the day; from Patton’s insistent compliments, him listening intently to Logan’s passion-induced rambling about space, the fragile bond of trust established along the way.

Logan talked and talked and talked. He talked until his cheeks hurt from overexertion and his words came out in breathy pants and his stomach growled ferociously, snapping him out of his hyper-fixation. He internally winced at his own lack of self-control. He should know better by now to keep his damn mouth shut. No one wanted to hear him babble on about his feelings. Why couldn’t he just be normal? He bowed his head in preparation of the inevitable punishment or groan in frustration, followed by the reiteration that nobody wanted to listen to him ramble on but it never came. Logan risked a glance upwards to witness, not the agitated expression he expect but Maggie, a smile with a brightness comparable to that of the sun on a hot summer’s day stretched across his lips, deep creases forming in her corner of her eyes and the sheen of unshed tears present in her mossy green eyes.

“Wow, it certainly sounds like you enjoyed yourself,” Maggie said extending her hand to ruffle Logan’s hair, he shifted out of her range, shooting her a half-hearted scowl which she responded to with a chuckle.

Logan released a breath he hadn’t realised he had been holding at her positive reaction. Feeling the weight lift from his chest and the tightness within his throat subsided as words began to build up once again, waiting with anxious anticipation for permission to be expelled and a nod from Maggie gave him that permission.

                                                         ***

“Now Logan, as much as I would love to keep talking to you. I think you have dinner to be getting to,” Maggie said halting Logan in his re-telling of all of the new titles he had discovered at the book-store. Had it really been so long? Logan glanced towards the small window located at the back of Maggie’s office, noticing the single stream of sunlight filtering through the curtain and the settling sun as it began to disappear into the horizon.

After Logan said goodbye to Maggie, he made his way to the dining hall where the majority of the other children had already gathered, tucking into their own merger meals, not sparing a single glance towards Logan as he searched for an isolated table. Locating one in a back corner, tucking into his own plate of food, chicken and vegetables in order to quell the hunger which had been building over the past hour. Cutting and organising it until it was acceptable to eat, flipping through the first few pages of his brand new book but instead of focusing on the story he allowed his mind to wander. Reflecting on the day spent with Patton, it had been perfect. Logan couldn’t think of a better word to describe it.

Logan continued to reminisce until only he remained - under watchful gaze - in the dining hall. He had paused in his consumption a quarter of the way through his daydreaming session, momentarily forgetting his meal but it had grown cold and he discarded the rest. He prepared to retire to his room, hoping it would be long before Brandon and his posy returned from the common room. Granting him peace and quiet to read his new book.

But fate was rarely ever kind to Logan and not long after leaving the dining hall encountered Madame Eliza, a murderous glint present in her eyes and a sinister smile stretched across her lips as she caught sight of her victim. Logan’s breath caught in his throat as he raked his brain for an excuse, in effort to escape but was seconds to late when she seized his wrist, her grip tight enough to bruise and dragged him along behind her, without another word.

The silence was deafening.

She deposited him in her office, slamming the door behind her, the room shuddering with the force of it, the lock sounding with an stomach-churning click provoking him to flinch. Logan kept his trembling hands hidden by behind him back, attempting to conceal the paralysing fear mounting within his chest, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip in order to maintain his appearance of composure. The metallic taste of his blood filling his mouth. But he knew his efforts were all for naught. Madame Claire saw right through his weak façade, a devilish grin stretching slow across her lips, taking pleasure in Logan’s distress even emitting a curt bark of laughter at the sight of him. Routed in place. Unable to move. To shout out. To defend himself as approached painstakingly slow. Dragging out each step, the heel of her shoe scraping against the wooden flooring, seemingly growing in size as she moved like a predator across her office until she was within touching distance of Logan.

“Now dear Logan, do you know why I brought you here?” Madame Claire asked clamping a hand down on Logan’s thin shoulder, wincing in pain as she dug her thumb into his collar bone. Her touch, though cold, seared through his thin shirt blistering his skin. Sending chills throughout his entire body but he did not struggle, knowing well the immense pain she would inflict if he did.

“No Madame,” Logan whispered, his quivering voice barely audible, coming out in raspy pants as if a giant pair of hands had forcefully torn open his chest, seized hold of his lungs and were painfully squeezing the air from them.

“What was that!” She exploded. She dug her fingers into Logan’s hair and yanked, jerking his face towards her, flaming red with rage. Logan yelped at the sudden pain, fear completely taking over as the tears he fought so desperately against flowed down his cheeks, only intensifying Madame Claire’s amusement.

“No, Madame,” He choked out, louder this time before she eventually released him with a sharp shove, sending him scrambling for the nearest surface to steady himself, his legs far to weak to support themselves.

“Pathetic boy, you know what you did. Has your time spent with Mr Hart blinded you? Your disrespect shall not go unpunished” Madame Claire growled seizing a hold of his wrist and shoulder once again, pressing his body into the desk, the sharp edge slicing into his lower back. “Though I will admit, it has been amusing watching you pine over Mr Hart. Still holding out hope that someone will want you?”.

Logan’s brow furrowed. What was she talking about? Patton liked him? Didn’t he? He had mentioned - on returning to the Orphanage - having had met with Madame Claire. What had they discussed? What had she told him? Had she turned him against the prospect of continuing to meet with him? Did Patton hate him and only indulged him on their excursion out of politeness? Logan had expected this from the beginning but the confirmation weighted heavily on this shoulders and the salty tears which had only just stopped seemed to build up again. Patton’s frequent visits had become an integral part of his week. Could he simply return to the crushing loneliness he lived in before?    

“What,” Logan whispered as Madame Claire’s smile grew.

“Oh you poor, stupid boy. You didn’t know. Mr Hart doesn’t care for you, he doesn’t love you. He only visits you out of pity which is certainly more than you deserve. No one could ever love you and don’t go forgetting that now,” She said a sickly sweet smile stretching across her painted red lips, a smile which could fool even the most suspicious of people but Logan knew what that smile meant. “Do I make myself clear?”.

“Yes, Madame,” He answered the response falling automatically from his lips as he lowered his head in defeat, preparing himself to face the punishment. After all he deserved it.

“Good, now where were we. As yes I remember, you need to be taught a lesson boy,” She jeered tightening her grip on him until he audibly winced, pain shooting throughout his entire body but he knew this wouldn’t be the end. It never was. But he never fought back, never told anyone. His last remainders of hope of the pain ever ending slowly dwindling into the great, black nothingness.

                                                          ***

Logan’s punishment had lasted far longer than previous and once he was finally released he painfully limped his way to the bathroom, where he promptly lost his breakfast, lunch and dinner to the toilet. Despite his desires to simply curl up on the cool bathroom floor, he compelled himself up and into the dormitory where the rest of the boys had already retired to their beds. Collapsing into bed came as a bitter-sweet relief. On one hand it gave his legs a well deserved break from standing for hours on end and the warmth provided by his blankets proved comforting but yet there was no possible position to could sleep adequately in without aggravating his newly administered injuries. Covering not only the back of his thighs but a splattering of bruises climbing up his back, deep purple rings around both wrists stretching along his forearms and biceps, a severe clicking of his right shoulder joint sending excruciating pain shooting through arm with every sharp movement and the most traumatic the miniature nicks of a pocket knife staining his shirt red.

After twenty minutes or so of struggling to find a comfortable position. Logan gave up. Curling in on himself despite the agonising pain this caused and silently sobbed into his pillow. Begging, praying for an escape for someone, somewhere to come and safe him. To take away his pain, to hold him tight and tell him everything would be alright. But things rarely ever worked out for Logan.

 From Pattoncake

To Emmy-gem - I plan to tell the kiddos about Logan tonight. Wish me luck <3 <3 <3

From Emmy-gem

To Pattoncake - Good luck Patty. Tell me how it goes. <3 <3 <3 <3

From Pattoncake

To Emmy-gem - Will do. See you later <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 (I will not be outdone :) )

Patton set his phone down on the counter, inhaling once before exhaling. This was it. He was finally going to tell them about Logan. He had written a script and everything, planning out everything he was going to say, to prevent either Roman or Virgil from panicking. Roman didn’t take the news of adopting Virgil and Dee particularly well and ended up locking himself in this room for a full three hours before Patton managed to coax him out with the promise of a movie night, of all of his personal favourites but it didn’t prevent him from despising his new brothers the moment they officially met, especially Virgil.

Their arguing was constant. Clashing personalities resulting in pointless arguments, bickering and cruel nicknames. Patton was already on edge from progressing from one child to three and his sons non-stop squabbling certainly wasn’t helping, but over time their relationship improved. Connected in their shared passion for the arts and their love of Disney which prompted several intense yet not anger-fuelled debates every movie night. Discovering they weren’t so different after all. Developing from sworn enemies to fast friends but it wasn’t until Roman witnessed one of Virgil’s more severe panic attacks he fully accepted him as his little brother and swore a unbreakable oath to protect him. Though they are now more tolerant of each other because of them nicknames have become a staple within the Hart household. Some of Patton’s personal favourites are: Princey, Sir-Sings-a-lot, Hot Topic, JD-Lightful and my chemically imbalanced romance just to name a few.

It wasn’t only Roman’s reaction Patton was worried about. Virgil’s mental health, though improving, was incredibly unpredictable and had been the cause of many sleepless nights for them both, especially in the beginning. Despite Virgil having been officially his son for almost three years, he still had his days when his anxiety took over, filling his head with ugly, nasty thoughts. Those days when he begged Patton to send him away, screaming he was bad luck and would only cause hurt in the end. Those days were the worst. He couldn’t take away the years of torture he faced or the evil thoughts which infiltrated his mind. All he could do was hold his son close as he cried, whispering sweet nothings into his ear, telling him again and again how much he loved him until the thoughts eventually quietened and he fell into a deep and hopefully dreamless slumber. Though now, attacks like that were uncommon but not unheard of. How would Virgil react to Patton’s news? He had been making a lot of progress with his new therapy plan and Patton didn’t want to ruin all of his hard work but he couldn’t put off the conversation any longer.

Patton paced the length of the living room, waiting in anxious anticipation for Roman and Virgil’s return from school. Paper in hand, where he had carefully written everything he wanted to say. He recited the speech over and over again to Dee, who sat swaddled in blankets playing with his stuffed toy snake, blissfully unaware of Patton’s inner turmoil. Patton felt like he was back in high school, the night before a big presentation, practising his delivery over and over again to his stuffed animals, trying to commit it to memory.

After ten minutes or so Patton eventually gave up, stuffing the speech into his pocket and collapsing onto couch allowing Dee to clamber into his lap, burrowing his face into Patton’s chest. Patton smiled at the sight, pressing a chaste kiss into Dee’s unruly mop of dark curls.

“What should I do Dee Dee?” Patton asked the toddler. He didn’t expect an answer, so he wasn’t surprised when Dee merely stared at him be until his face split into a toothy grin and pressed a wet kiss to Patton’s nose causing Patton to giggle at the affection.

“An excellent idea Dee. I will attack them with kisses,”Patton exclaimed pressing kisses to Dee’s chubby cheeks as he squirmed and squealed in delight.

The pit of anxiety which had been building in his stomach since arriving home had eventually began to dissipate, as the impending conversation fell deep into his subconscious in favour of watching cartoons with Dee. Until the bus arrived and the nervousness returned but he swallowed it down smiling warmly at his children as they walked in, bickering as per usual. This was it. He was going to do it.

“Hey kiddos, how was your day?” Patton asked as he usually did.

“Perfect as per usual my dear padre,” Roman exclaimed striking yet another dramatic pose as he discarded his bag and threw himself rather theatrically onto the couch, Virgil following suit, curling into his corner on Patton’s left.

“Surprisingly okay actually,” Virgil admitted with a shy smile, allowing Dee to crawl from Patton’s lap into his own.

“Virgil, did you actually say something positive about school. Aw kiddo, I’m so proud of you!” Patton squealed wrapping Virgil into a bone-crushing hug despite his half-hearted groans and squirms in protest.

“Yeah, yeah get off,” Virgil muttered finally freeing himself of Patton’s grip. “Don’t get used to it, I have an image to maintain,”.

“Don’t worry Virgil, you’ll always be my emo nightmare,” Roman said crawling across Patton’s lap toward Virgil who promptly kicked him in the face. “Hey ouch!”.

“You deserved it Princey,” Virgil quipped sticking his tongue out at Roman who returned the gesture as Patton giggled at the interaction.

Patton truly loved his famILY. But if he wanted to introduce a new member, he needed the approval of his children. The conversation was unavoidable now.

“Hey kiddos, can I talk to you about something kind of serious?” Patton asked his previously light-hearted, jokey tone disappearing from his voice which didn’t go unnoticed by Roman and Virgil evident from the changes in their expressions. Roman sat up straight, cheeky grin falling from his lips and Virgil curled in on himself, pulling his hoodie tighter around his thin frame and a visible tremble in his figure tips.

“Is someone dying?” Roman blurted out.

“What no…” Patton began.

“Are you dying?” Virgil interrupted his voice shaky and his expression laced with fear.

“No, no, no one is dying,” Patton reiterated watching the relief pour into his sons faces. “But, there is something I want to talk to you both about,”.

“What is it?” Roman questioned leaning forward in anticipation, while Virgil shrunk back hugging Dee closer to his chest.

“I am planning on adopting another child,” Patton said quickly, breathing a sigh of relief as he did. “But I wanted to tell you both before anything was finalised,”.

Patton sat back, attempting to gauge their reactions as both were silent. Roman uncharacteristically so. They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few minute before anyone said anything.

“Are you…are y-you replacing us?” Virgil stuttered his voice barely louder than a whisper.

“No, no, of course not. Nobody is being replaced,” Patton exclaimed hoping to expel Virgil’s spiralling thoughts before they triggered a panic attack. “No one could ever replace you, my dark strange son…and my darling Prince,”.

Roman jolted at the mention of his nickname, he had previously been staring into his lap, refusing to meet Patton’s gaze as Virgil spoke the question he presumably was also thinking. Patton took Roman’s fidgeting hands into his own, rubbing comforting circles into his palms and forcing Roman’s eyes on him.

“Roman told me something similar the day I told him about you and Dee,” Patton said with a warm smile. After Patton managed to coax Roman from his room, all those years ago, he admitted his outburst was because of his fear of being replaced but he quickly dispelled those fears and Roman begrudgingly agreed to meet with Virgil and Dee (which didn’t go entirely well). “But I promise you no one is being replaced,”.

“Then why? Aren’t we enough?” Roman pleaded becoming visible frustrated. This situation had been what Patton had feared, broaching this topic, knowing both Roman and Virgil’s history with trust and self esteem issues.

“Of course you are but there are so many children stuck in care homes and orphanages. I have a chance to make a real difference in this child’s life, granting them a life and a future they never would have had otherwise,” Patton explained knowing they would understand both having lived in and gone through years in the system themselves. “And I think you’ll both really like who I’ve met,”.

Silence enveloped the room once again. Virgil had shifted out of the corner, his shoulder nuzzled against Roman’s - an action Patton would have squealed at in better circumstances - and Dee remained in his lap, blissfully unaware of the situation. While Roman sat slumped over, hands still firmly clasped within Patton’s, both deep in thought.

“Alright fine. Tell me more about this kid, they must be really cool to get you this happy,” Virgil said eventually with a sigh.

That Patton could do.

Patton talked on and on about Logan. About his extreme love of space, his obsession with detective novels, his adorable bouts of excitement at the mention of one of the subjects he was passionate about. He relayed in detail their interactions, every conversation, every debate about anything and everything. But not mentioning anything regarding Logan’s upbringing or past without his consent.

“He also told me today that he would be willing to meet you, if you would like to?” Patton asked hoping and praying for the answer to be yes, bringing him one step closer to Logan officially becoming a part of the family but completely prepared to give them more time.

“I’m down, he sounds kinda cool,” Virgil admitted with a nonchalant shrug and then all attention was turned onto Roman.

“Ugh fine, if it will please you I shall do my princely duty and meet with him also,” Roman said after a prolonged silence, striking another of his royal poses, swiftly returning to his energetic self. “But he sounds like a total nerd,”.

“Yay, I’m so happy!” Patton exclaimed dragging all three of his children into a crushing bear hug, two much more willingly than the other. “Thank you for giving me the most wonderful children in the world!”.

“Okay, okay. Get off!” Virgil groaned finally escaping from the confines of Patton’s but a small smile was visible on his face.

“Aw come on Charlie Frown, you love us really,” Roman teased still firmly wrapped in Patton’s arms.

“In your dreams Princey,” Virgil quipped. Provoking their light-hearted bickering with some new creative nicknames thrown in.

But Patton didn’t care. Everything was finally falling into place. His little family may soon be introducing a new member and though they weren’t the most conventional of families, to Patton it was perfect.

To Patton his famILY was perfect.

Notes: I tried really hard to find good nicknames for Patton and Emile, Patton’s was easy but Emile’s ended up being a lot harder so I ended up choosing something related to Steven Universe (which I haven’t actually seen beyond a few episodes please forgive me) so if anyone has any better ones I would be grateful. Now why does Roman (a twelve year old) know about Heathers? My answer is I really like the JD-lightful nickname so I am using it. Lastly I really like some of the dialogue in this chapter especially between Patton and Maggie, so I am actually kind of proud of this one.

Tag list: @i-do-not-dislike-fudge @poems-art-darkness-n-more @alex-cain @amber1594 @darkrainbow333 @falseh0od @lovingcreatorstrawberry @mason-does-a-thing @callboxkat @tacohippy56900 @anxiousangel121 @comicsimpson @harrypotternerdprincess @cobythinks @whatschooldoesntteachyou @fandomkitty8

 Please if you would like to be added to the tag list or have a question about the series please do not hesitate to ask.  

[iamrheaspeaks]

High Heels Pt. 3

Erik x OC! (Thea)

Bold Italics: Inner Dialogue 

Word Count: ~3.5K

Warnings: Angst 

A/N: It’s finally here and is picking up exactly where we left off. There’s a lot to get through this chapter but I tried my best to break it up here and there. That’s.. all I'm saying. Lightly proofread/ edited. 💋

Part 1 Part 2

Hotel:

The moments to follow were nothing more than a whirlwind of emotions.  Thea was sitting there on the floor with Shay and Erik kneeling by her on either side. She could hear them talking but it was surreal how far away they sounded. Thea continued to sit there with her thoughts. Meanwhile her phone was blowing up. Shay and Erik insistently pleading to take her the hospital. The severity of the situation wasn’t lost on Thea she just, really wanted a moment to herself. With herself and her body. When finally something was said that penetrated deep enough to coax Thea out of herself.

“Let’s get you changed.” Shay cooed as she ducked her head under Thea’s arm and simultaneously wrapped her own arm around her friend. Shortly after, they were on their way to the hospital.

Hospital:

Everything about the hospital felt cold and uninviting. Swallowed up by an unimaginable amount of white. Doctors, nurses, the lady who took her insurance information, the gown she was forced to change into, the set of cold blankets that were supposed to keep her warm. Thea, every time someone deemed it necessary to poke or prod her. Everything around her just seemed to solidify the emptiness she felt. After the transport person, Mary, wheeled her back in the room following the D and C procedure Thea reveled in the stillness of this moment. It was short lived as the energy shifted following the second his frame paused in the doorway.

“Thea? I’ve been looking all over for you!”

“Congratulations you found me. Goodbye.”

Thea’s voice gave Malachi chills. It was cold and calculated. Robotic. Her words a programmed response. She wouldn’t even look in his direction or lift her head from it’s resting position against the hospital bed. That alone was enough to shake to the forefront that the woman before him was someone else entirely. As Malachi went to address Thea again the set of rings that had bound them together dropped to the ground from the center of her palm. The clinking noise the rings made when they hit the tile echoed and bounced off the walls of the room. “Please don’t make me suffer through your attempt of a weak ass apology. I don’t have the energy to be disappointed three times in one day.” Without another word Malachi crossed the room to pick up the discarded jewelry and glanced up at her as he did so. There was no fire, no hope, no fight left in her for him. Malachi stood up putting the rings in his pocket before leaving. He just missed Erik and Shay.

Shay stated she had more than enough room for Thea to stay with her until she was ready to make her next move. Whatever that may be. Erik interjected only half joking when he challenged that Shay was no longer qualified because she wasn’t the one that got into the bathroom earlier. It was a low blow. Shay, as pissed as she was, couldn’t do anything but shake her head and laugh because he was right. Thea obliged to staying with Erik already knowing that the man didn’t plan on letting her out of his sight anyway. Besides having been friends for so long Thea knew it wouldn’t be that long until Shay crashed. They’d all had a long day to say the least.

Eventually Thea was discharged with pain medication and a follow up with her Primary Care in two weeks time in hand. She found solace at the thought of finally being able to properly bathe. Thankful for Shay’s forward thinking, having grabbed all of Thea’s things so they wouldn’t have to double back to the hotel for anything. The three of them waiting to say their ‘goodbyes’ in the parking lot, agreeing to meet up eventually after everyone had time to rest before Thea climbed in and laid down in the backseat of Erik’s BMW M760. Her face towards the seat and eyes screwed shut; Thea silently cried with one hand clutching her side while the other gripped her necklace.

Erik’s:

“We’re here princess” Erik called from above her. Not really sure when she fell asleep Thea used her fist to wipe her face before she sat up to exit the car.

He guided her through the garage into the house. It was pretty much what she imagined it’d be. Open floor plan, homey but everything was still meticulously kept in place. No doubt a life long habit formed thanks to Erik’s time spent in various controlled environments. Thea stood in the main entryway just taking in the sight while he unloaded her things from his trunk. Only moving when Erik came up behind her and grabbed her hand so he could lead her to the master bathroom. Once inside Thea sat there in silence while Erik moved back and forth pulling things out while he ran a bath for her. Hyper fixated on his movements, noticing his little glances. Erik’s calculated movements practically the only thing keeping her grounded. Though that still that didn’t keep Thea from jumping when he lightly touched her elbow to grab her attention. “Everything you need should be here,” he stated gesturing to his right. Thea weakly smiled and nodded her head. Satisfied with that response Erik placed down Thea’s phone and stepped out retreating to the kitchen.

Once the door closed behind him Thea got undressed and sat on the rim of the tub. Slowly swinging one leg and then the other into the water before lowering herself in. Allowing the water to slowly release the tension from her body as the heat engulfed her frame. Thea fully submerged herself allowing the water to warm all the parts of her that it could reach before resurfacing with a big breathe. Now settled in with her head leaned over the back of the tub mindlessly staring at the ceiling, Thea listened to the water droplets leave her hair and splash into a puddle on the tiled floor below. Her thoughts eventually rushed in and drifted to her phone. Understandably it had been turned off, but she wanted to start clearing out notifications. In the midst of deleting all of Malachi’s messages without reading them Thea got a FaceTime call from his mother. Hasn’t even been 24 hours and he’s already called mommy. Elizabeth Crane was only accepting of their relationship in mixed company and effectively turned into a wet gremlin when she learned they were with child. Thea had never seen someone so crushed to find out two people were expecting. Rolling her eyes, Thea pushed wet hair out her face, whispering ‘fuck it’ before answering.

“There you are!” Of course she was wearing a face full of makeup and a pageant smile because, appearances. “How are you holding up? How’s the baby?”

“I’m not in the hospital anymore Liz. There’s no one here you need to pretend for.”

Liz scoffs as her smile drops, “Thanks to your little stunt Malachi will finally be done with you.”

This is what I get for answering. “I didn’t pull any stunt. But as expected your son did exactly as you trained him to do, act impulsively to a fault. He’s a robot. Like, you should build a fucking factory and sell them to the government. Moving on, when that didn’t work he called mommy to help clean up his mess. And here you are.” Before Liz could do what she did best Thea continued, “Don’t worry though Liz. I already gave Malachi back the rings.” With that Thea disconnected the call and turned her phone back off, tending to the new impulse to wash away the day.

Thea had just finished getting out the tub and wrapping herself in a towel when Erik came back in to check on her. Giving him a weak smile when Thea noticed the hoodie and basketball shorts in his hand. Erik welcomed the gesture taking it as a sign that a part of her was starting to crawl towards the light. Thea thanked him with another small nod as she took the clothes from him and closed the door.

Thea’s silence had left Erik stuck in his own mind. Swarming with a range of thoughts and questions and admissions. He tried to push the thoughts of guilt to the back of his mind but seeing the light fade from Thea’s eyes as she recoiled deeper into herself was more than he was ready for. He just wanted to do something. Say something. Anything but he also didn’t want to push her. Erik was more than capable of handling anything thrown his way today except what stared back at him when he looked at Thea. It was painfully familiar. It looked back at him in the mirror since childhood. So the possibility that he had something to do with her feeling the same ate at him. In attempt to get out his head Erik started looking through the kitchen, grabbing up ingredients to make something for them to eat. Having gone grocery shopping earlier in the week he had everything he needed.

Thea was glad that Erik wasn’t pushing her to talk. There wasn’t much she wanted to say. He wasn’t in the bedroom when Thea emerged from the bathroom, but by the aroma coming from downstairs she knew his mind was swarming because of her silence. Thea took time to survey Erik’s bedroom. It was massive with touches of mahogany stained wood and golden fixtures everywhere. California King sitting center stage. As Thea was about to sit down something on top of the dresser caught her attention, mainly because of how out of place it looked. Gliding over to it the object grew more familiar. It was one of those birthday cards you can record a personal message on. Thea used her index finger to trace along the top edges of the card, slightly opening it to read what was transcribed within, being careful not to play the recording. Just for her to place the card face down on dresser not even reading it so she could retrieve what fell by her foot. It was a strip from a photo booth. They had gone to the carnival so Erik could show off at the games and Thea could reap the benefits in the form of stuffed prizes. In the photo strip alone she could make out a panther, elephant, and a gorilla. The last photo was her favorite. Thea caught Erik off guard when she pecked his cheek instead of making a funny face. She sighed at the memory before replacing the strip in the card and returning them back to their spot on the otherwise bare dresser.

When Erik walked back into his bedroom he was welcomed by the sight of Thea in his bed, back to the door staring out the window legs folded Indian Style. Hair wrapped in a towel completely oblivious to his presence. He sat the bowl of chili and water bottles down on the nightstand table and climbed onto the bed. Thea briefly glanced in his direction before turning her attention back to the night sky. Erik knelt on the bed behind her sliding his arms under her legs and lifted her to sit between his own, knees up on either side of her. He stayed like that for a beat to see if Thea would protest. When she didn’t Erik slid both of them back on the bed till his back met the headboard and went to retrieve the bowl from the nightstand. As soon as Erik raised the bowl to her face Thea turned in the opposite direction and grunted as she pushed the spoon away from her. “You may not wanna talk to me but you damn sure gon’ eat!” Just as she went to huff her breath her stomach growled and Thea turned her head to made eye contact with Erik as he lifted his brow. “Don’t lie and say you not hungry after that shit you just did either.” The dry laugh that left Thea after that caused Erik to smile. There she is.

Thea had to admit that she felt better after eating. Still felt a little numb but not as much as before. Maybe that’s what caused her sudden outburst. “I know you, so when I say this don’t take it lightly.” Thea looked over her shoulder at Erik when she didn’t hear him respond, “I mean it Erik.”

“I’m listening.”

“Get out your head. What happened today isn’t on you.”

Erik opened his mouth to speak but closed it again in confusion when he heard Thea whisper something. “What?”

“I couldn’t say it. Malachi. He uh. He wanted me to tell him that I didn’t feel anything in the restaurant today. Wanted to hear me say that I didn’t love you. I didn’t want to. I just…couldn’t.” After her admission Thea found herself curling up into Erik’s lap planting her ear to his scarred chest listening to his heartbeat.

“I love you too princess.”

Over the next two weeks Thea just existed during the times Erik and Shay were working. Spending most of her time in a flow like state so that she could handle the weight of making phone calls and arrangements. Contacting her job and getting her Leave of Absence situated so she didn’t feel the pressure to jump back into anything. The most Shay and Erik seen her resemble herself was when they just sat around Erik’s living room eating and talking shit while she bobbed her head to whatever music played in the background. One night in particular though, Shay was getting on Erik about his fake gold rim glasses because Erik called her a little him when she diverged her body count. Just then Lil Wayne’s “Mr. Carter” came on causing the both of them to gradually quiet down at the sound of Thea’s voice. As well as realizing she was actually rapping the lyrics almost in perfect time with the song. Erik looked at Shay silently moving his lips to ask if she knew about this while he nodded his head in Thea’s direction. Shay covered her toothy grin with her fist before she laughed out, “I forgot Thea had a Lil Wayne phase! She practically knows the whole damn album by heart.” The look on Erik’s face was truly priceless and sent Shay into further hysterics. “What? You thought you was the only dread head in her life?” Erik grunted as he shoved Shay off the pillow where she was seated on the floor.

Malachi’s:

Thea and Malachi had arranged a date for her to get the rest of her things and stop by the lawyers office to do the final sign offs on their divorce sans his presence. All that planning was for not, considering that at the moment Thea’s ear nubs are being violated by the sound of his voice. Pinching the bridge of her nose giving Malachi the ‘hold on’ finger salute Thea reclaimed her composure after he finally shut the fuck up and pulled out her phone from her back pocket and sent a text.

Erik: Come handle my lightwork.

Thea: Lol you gon’ stop using me woman!

Erik: Don’t make me beg. Top of the stairs.

As soon as Thea returned her phone back to her pocket Malachi started up again. “Look.. I know I’m not supposed to be here. I just. I wanted to see you one last time. Make sure you were okay.”

“How unfortunate for me!”

“Is that what all of this was? An inconvenience for you? I lost the baby too you know? How could you be so selfish?”

As soon as that last question slipped from his lips Erik knew Malachi had fucked up. When Thea snapped her head up in Malachi’s direction, he recognized that look. The anger. The flared nostrils and heavy breathing. Her balled up fists anchored at her sides as she tried to stay planted in her spot when all she wanted to do was lunge at him. Thea was still sexy as hell when she was angry. And unlike with Erik this time she let it out.

“Inconvenience? You want to talk about inconveniences Malachi? Okay! Where do I start? Let’s see.. shall we? Being called selfish is an inconvenience. Having to put up with your mom’s shit is an inconvenience. Getting stared at constantly for standing up for myself and having people wonder why you weren't is a fucking inconvenience. Seeing your face is an inconvenience. Hearing you attempt to use some fucked up version of reverse psychology on me to make this seem like my fault is an inconvenience. You! Being here! When I deliberately asked you not to be is an inconvenience. Listening to you try and claim the rights to grieve my child is an inconvenience. You didn’t lose shit Malachi! You pushed it away. You pushed another human being INTO YOUR WIFE! Who you stormed out on I might add, and I...” Thea thrust her fingers into her chest before grabbing the collar of her shirt and dropping her head to look at the floor shaking her head as tears started to fall. “I lost the baby. I lost Champ because of you. You. You’re the selfish one.”

“Champ? Wait.. a boy? The baby was a boy?”

“Because you were jealous! And didn’t know how to conduct and handle yourself like a fucking man!” Stepping forward Thea began pounding on Malachi’s chest as she continued to scream her feelings. “Because instead of being concerned about me, you were more focused on being the alpha. You are pathetic.”

“I’m sorry, just please. When did you…”

“How dare you stand there and call me selfish?!” Thea whimpered stepping back before she slumped into a kneeling position on the floor. Finding herself physically exhausted from letting it all out. She literally just took a mental dump on his chest and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it but stand there with that dumbass look on his face. Everything she refused to say. All of the hate and malice that overtook her being and scorching her insides that she feigned as fatigue or hunger so it wasn’t directed at the wrong person. Holding it all in until just the right moment. And with one word the dam burst. Hearing the actual crack in Malachi’s demeanor at losing an heir. Finally saying his name out loud.

“I wouldn’t.” Erik warned as he stepped around Malachi to retrieve Thea. Finally making his presence known. “You good?” Erik asked now addressing Thea as he helped her up off the floor. Thea responded, offering a hushed ‘yeah’ as she looked Erik in the eyes. Afterwards she grabbed some of her things and stepped out of the room. The air was left thick between the two men. Malachi’s mind currently swimming with rage. Everything he worked so hard to obtain and to keep against his mother’s wishes was leaving and he was literally stuck looking at his own replacement. The more smug the look on Erik’s face the more irritated Malachi got until finally he huffed going to speak just to get cut off.

“I know you real emotional right now but I’d watch how you talk to me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what it sounds like. Mind ya tone too nigga.”

“Your empty threats don’t scare me.”

“Threats? No ones threatening you Mr. Crane.” Erik smiled dimples on full display as he continued, “That’s just professional career advice. I suggest you heed my advice.”

“This coming from a leeching low life like you? That’s comical!”

“Says the man that doesn’t know jack shit about who he’s talking to. The person that literally holds the fate of his job in their hands” Erik chimed while waving the large envelope in his hand. The look on Malachi’s face as he slowly connected the dots was truly priceless.

“My.. My what?”

“Y–Your boss” Erik teased. “But this is your Severance Package if you so choose.”

Malachi continued to stand there dumbfounded, just brooding. His eyes jumped back and forth between Erik and the large envelope in his hand. Erik got a real kick out of Malachi’s silence as he moved to place the envelope down before walking up and stopping beside Malachi. “What’s wrong? Wasn’t expecting to lose everything to this ‘leeching low life’?” Erik’s right hand came down on Malachi’s left shoulder gripping it tight. “That’s okay, I like being underestimated” Erik grit through clenched teeth as his left arm delivered a brutal gut punch causing Malachi to fold over in pain. “You see, while you were busy fucking up the best thing you had I was buying the company you work for. But just know I got niggas in wait should you decide to wanna forget your place.” Malachi seen the next punch coming but wasn’t quick enough to avoid it. Even if he were, Erik’s steel grip on his shoulder had him stuck in place. All he could do was hold his stomach in pain as he coughed profusely tears bubbling over in the corners of his eyes. Erik then released him and squatted down so that he could be face to face with Malachi. Patting his face with his open palm condescendingly, “I’m glad we had this little chat.”

Tags: @savagesensitivity @cancerianprincess @another-imaginesblog @loosewindmill @bidibidibombaclaat @muse-of-mbaku @chaneajoyyy @itsangeludaku @eriknutinthispoosy @im5ftbutmythroat66 @theunsweetenedtruth @blackpinup22 @fonville-designs @wawakanda-btch 

[animereviewsandotherstuff]

Top 5 anime of 2018

Pop Team Epic

Anime as a medium is something that allows for great experimentation and artistic expression that not every delves into, and that is ultimately okay. Not every show has to be something new and exciting. But then there comes a show like Pop Team Epic. A 4-koma manga that takes the slice of life genre and plays with it by adding absurdist ideas and a healthy dose of meta humor. A manga like that is not something I would ever expect to see adapted into anime. The jokes are super quick and sometimes work on anti-humor, the art is simplistic on purpose, and there is no story just gags. But I am very happy someone had more foresight then I did and just adapted it whole hog. This anime takes what it means to be an anime and turns it on its head. The first episode started on a completely different generic anime about a guy and idols and a possible harem and immediately swerves into the show proper. Every show ended with a preview for that fictional show. The ending theme was sung by different people every episode. The who was only half the run time and then it would run again with a different set of voice actors, swapping from an all woman pair to an all guy pair. Sometimes this would change whole jokes as the voice actors would make different choices. They would swap between different art styles and redo whole segments between episodes swapping between Pop Team Epic proper and Bob Epic Team. They had a segment all in french, animated in a third completely different style from the previous 2 which cost a ton of money to make and was written by a french intern who never read the series or something. The last episode had a live action pop singer bring the one of the main characters come back to life. This show was beautiful. It was a true work of art with layers of meaning and references, an experimentation of what an anime could be. Not every show should be this, but more shows should be able to just go wild with what an anime could be. Or maybe I was just thinking of Hellshake Yano.

Yuru Camp

There is a genre of anime I like a lot even though I usually know the return on investment for watching them is not super great. The best way to describe this genre is “the author has a very specific hyper-fixation and wants to write about it but doesn’t know how, so makes moe girls talk about it instead.” This is a very hit or miss genre but sometimes a show will come out of it that will stick with me forever. And Yuru Camp is one of those shows. Yuru Camp is a show all about girls camping. The authors love of camping really comes through, as the characters talk about the rules of camping and how to do it safely, and about how expensive the gear for camping is. The conversations the characters had felt surprisingly natural. Some of the back and forth the characters had felt like a conversation I could have with my friends. The best part about this show was how relaxing it was. This show was a calming breath. It was a show that knows how to set back and let a scene breath, like you are one with nature, fitting for a camping show. There is another genre of anime I like that can be hit or miss, known as healing anime. Healing anime are soft, kind, relaxing shows that are like chicken soup for the soul. Yuru camp is like that. It is relaxing and kind and made my day every time I watched it. But the most impressive thing this show did was make me, someone who hates nature and being in nature, actually consider camping for a few seconds.

Cells at Work

I am not someone who enjoys the intricacy of the human body. It is a gross thing we are all forced to live in. so when this show was first announced I had a bit of trepidation about this show. I don’t like watching the workings of the human body, it makes me uncomfortable. But this show was really was able to get past my initial discomfort and make the human body something interesting and more fun.  The story of the human body as told from the perspective of the cells who help run the body was perfectly told. It makes you sympathetic for your blood, fighting against the germs and diseases we come into contact with, rooting for the red blood cells who deliver your oxygen and the white blood cells who protect you, and makes you intimately familiar with your lymph nodes, and sweat glands. I really appreciated the small arc involving cancer of all things. Cancer as told from the perspective of the cells is really interesting, watching there fellow cells not become infected but born so, and the necessary need to kill them coupled with the inherent want to protect the body is an interesting perspective to take. It is not saying cancer is good or anything ridiculous like that, but it is just a perspective I was not expecting and one that led to an interesting story. The anthropomorphizing of the body and its cellular interactions was clever and engaging and made this a show I was glad to watch.

Planet With

I am not the first person to say this but this was the best show to come out of 2007. Everything about this show felt like a throwback to a very specific era of anime. A story about giant physic armors controlled by young teens and young adults fighting against aliens, the reversal of who were truly the good guys and truly the bad guys.  The larger themes of why one should fight and shouldn't fight, of growing up and reality being greater then any passive but beautiful fantasy, all fit into a show from a decade ago. Even the maid girl and the giant cat alien and the high school club for people who like supernatural stuff, the transfer student with amnesia being the main character, all of it fits a show that could have been a 52 episode series with slow reveals and mysteries and filler beach episodes. But instead this show was a tight 12 episodes. Each episode packed so much information and plot and action, it feels like watching more then your actually getting. It is concise but the emotional impact of every reveal and every hit is perfectly done. The best show of 2007 was also one of the best shows of 2018.

SSSS Gridman

Tokusatsu and anime are two great tastes that seem to rarely come together. It might be that there is something lost when live action goes to animation, at least when tokusatsu does so. Something intrinsic about tokusatsu, something that is fundamental to it, doesn't always survive the jump. This cannot be said about SSSS Gridman. This show captures the spirit and heart of tokusatsu shows and takes it to another level. It is a love letter to tokusatsu as a medium and to the original Gridman. The fact that the title of the show is a reference to the American adaptation, Super Human Samurai Syber Squad, alone shows a knowledge and love of the material. But at the same time I never felt the show was bogged down by references and external knowledge. Yes there were millions of references to other tokusatsu series, mainly Ultraman but not Ultraman alone, but you didn’t need to have an encyclopedic knowledge of Japanese live action shows to enjoy the show. They enhanced but never detracted in my opinion. Same with the fact that the show itself is a sequal to the original Gridman series while still standing entirely on its own. If you never watched the original you are fine, but it is enhanced so much with that knowledge.  And the ending had me in tears. I don’t want to spoil anything for these shows but like many tokusatsu series finales this one too made me tear up slightly. Truly a show I will carry with me into the future.

And those were my thoughts on the year of anime. This of course isn’t counting tokusatsu I watched but I love Kamen Rider and Super Sentai enough that they would be a permanent place on this list, so its only fair I keep them off. There was a ton of good shows other then these five, but I am looking forward to the new year ahead. So until next time, keep on watching.

[davidcwingfield]

Once this is all over, and the baby is out of NICU, and everyone is happy and healthy under one roof, I’m going to write a book about this experience. When I do, this will definitely be in there.

Due to the nature of my son’s issues, he gets visits from the hospital’s respiratory therapists. There are probably around ten of them that we have seen so far. They’ve been great. Attentive and very caring. Out of these ten, there is one who has been a friend of ours for years. Her husband and Keya used to work together. She was the first one to be there for us, and has even come in on her days off to check on my wife and son. She brings Keya food, and is always there when we need her. We are so lucky to know her.

As for others, they have not been as lucky knowing me.

You have to understand, right now both Keya and I are emotionally-spent nervous wrecks. This is our son. He’s new. We don’t want anything happening to him, yet we have no control. We’re helpless. So we take our nervous energy and channel it in different ways.

Me, I joke. It’s what I do; it’s what I’ve always done. I was in a car that was on fire once, and I asked the guy next to me if he had a light. The more tense the situation, the harder I go. Can’t help it.

My wife on the other hand, adopts a far more pragmatic approach. In times of crisis, she tries to deal with her anxiety by learning as much as she can. She reads, asks questions, whatever it takes. Gathering as much information as her brain can hold in an effort to put her mind at ease. She wants to know everything she can so she can not feel so helpless. The doctors and nurses have seen this a thousand times, and they’ve done an excellent job holding her hand, walking her through the process and patiently answering everything she throws at them. Everyone was playing nice. Everyone was doing so well.

Then one respiratory therapist went and told her, “You really shouldn’t be so inquisitive.”

Oh dear.

Luckily, I wasn’t there when I heard this. If I was, I’d have laughed loud enough to wake every sleeping baby on the floor. I’d have laughed at him for being the kind of guy who could say something so blunt to someone who was, at that moment, a raw nerve. Like a guy who tells you to “suck it up” at your mom’s funeral.

I’m glad I wasn’t there. It gave me time to think. I thought about what he said. What he had meant was that she may be hyper-fixating on the wrong information, and letting her emotions be controlled by minutiae. Maybe it needed to be said, but with a bit more finesse.

I also thought about what he does. What they all do. The men and women working in hospitals today are real heroes. They have tough jobs, and they work long hours. For what this guy does, and especially for helping my son, I’m eternally grateful.

Still, I couldn’t let it slide.

I met this young man later in the day when he came into our son’s room. Keya confirmed that he was the guy, and I immediately introduced myself and thanked him for his assistance (and I meant it). I also thanked him for telling Keya not to worry so much. I did so because I wanted to see if he’d admit the things he said. Sure enough, he reiterated most everything that Keya told me he’d said. I seized the opportunity and launched Phase One of “Operation: Inquisitive AF”.

“You are exactly right,” I said to him. “I tell her all the time that there’s no point in getting hung up on all these numbers. Hell, I don’t even know what they mean!”

(Spoiler Alert: I knew what they meant.)

“Like this number. What does that mean?”

He dutifully explained it.

“What about that number underneath it?”

He explained that one too.

“And this one here. What’s that?”

That’s the number of breaths the baby takes in a minute.

“Oh. Yeah, if I knew what these meant, I’d lose my mind! Like this one! What does this number mean?”

He answered that, and the three or four more that I asked him about after that.

“Gosh. So many numbers. All for one little baby.”

Wait for it.

“And all this equipment,” I said. “Like this, what does this machine do?”

Phase Two: initiated.

I was pointing out damn near everything in the room. To his credit, he gave thorough answers that were easy to understand. And with each answer I was eliciting the requisite “Ohhhh...” to offer the appearance of interest. Truth be told, it was interesting. Just not to me. I was more concerned with watching Keya try to stifle her laughter, and seeing if I could get her to crack. She was getting close. But then as he turned his back (perhaps to look for a blunt instrument), she looked at me and pointed to her abdomen. She wanted to laugh, but she was still recovering from childbirth, and stifling the laughter was really making her hurt. So I decided I’d go into my closer.

“And what does...that thing do?”

“That’s the light switch,” he said. “It turns the light on and off.”

“Ohhhh...”

You know how right before someone leaves the room, they usually ask if you have any other questions? Yeah we didn’t get any of that.