#give us s03 so I can die some more

[chloreen]

How intimate is this scene? This here is not good old Ed Teach trying to be likeable, not the Kraken, not even Blackbeard himself. There is no laughter, no anger, no posturing; just these two people mirroring each other's resignation, mirroring each other's darkness.

There is the quiet feeling of a sacred sacrifice. "I have fed your darkness, Blackbeard". Edward turning his back to Izzy, raising his arms as if to say: you have fed my darkness, the creature I have become belongs to you. I am yours to take. I have seen you in my dreams, this is meant to be. And Izzy laughing - not just with disdain, but with a twinge of fear before the truth of it. They've created Blackbeard together. And their bond, however strong - and in this purgatory-moment stronger than ever- would never be clean from the venom of his past.

[ourmondobongo]

Sometimes I think about how much hange has sacrificed of themself for the same cause as Erwin, Levi and the rest of sc, yet their trauma is so often downplayed bc of their "sunny disposition". Most people only talked about hange's mental health struggles only after season 4 where a certain scene showed that, but the signs where always there and clearly stated even in side material. Hange overworking themselves and neglecting their hygiene aren't fun, quirky characteristics. In the story shelter from the rain with nanaba we see them in a troubled state over the loss of so many comrades during all these years, questioning why they survived and not all these people instead. Hange masks their true mental state, they feel tremendous guilt, pain, even depression and they exhaust themselves in work for the same reason we thought erwin did. For humanity, for a better future for the next generation, for never seeing comrades dying and getting killed again. I wanted to share these thoughts bc it got me thinking, hange truly prioritized everyones future throughout the whole story. They neglected their own wellbeing, others thought of them as weird, freak, inhumane but all these sacrifices were because they were so incredibly a caring human. It was compassion and empathy that moved them, the thoughts of justice for fallen soldiers, for never seeing children enlist and die and live instead in a bright new fearless world, I truly believe that.

You.said.it.all! 

And some of these are aspects of Hanji’s character that I wish Isym could have left just a little bit more defined in the manga itself, because Isym liked to work mixing the contrast between people's words and their actual actions; he liked to leave things with dubious or double interpretations; he liked to leave these trails of crumbles for us to gather all, and remake the whole cake around 10 to 137 chapters later. Which complicated quite a few things. But I imagine there is so much space he can spare for side characters. Especially in a work with many particular minor stories unfolding in critical war times…

Like imo, with Hanji - contrary to most characters, their primal goal to join the SC was not made clear enough in the manga (nor anime), so most people believe Hanji’s life dream was understanding the mystery of the Titans - overlooking that actually they were full of hatred over the maneater giants in their initial times already as an SC soldier, and that they were looking to avenge dead comrades by killing Titans rather than giving a flying fluck* about their nature. 

How does this impact their character interpretation? For many, it makes Hanji be seen mostly as the perpetual “mad scientist” character fixed on Titans. And as this idea is often related to Hans reacting rather enthusiastically at Titans experiences, it makes them the one with the  "sunny disposition" as you said - what overshadow their personal preoccupations in seeking peace, better life opportunities for people, and freedom for humanity as well as their own heavy struggle over the meaning of the losses of SC comrades prior Marley Arc.

The side material does help to show it clearer though, like the smartpass with Nanaba you mentioned, and the close up interviews. But at the same time not many people are aware of the smartpasses outside Japan. Not to mention, the anime has some problems excluding/changing entire plot elements for Hanji’s character, especially in S03. So not many people will go as far as digging into every corner of the manga, anime, side materials, interviews, and metas to take a closer look at Hanji's condition.

But, as you said, the signs are there in the manga - either clear, subtle or delayed a few chapters. 

I.e: In chapter 20, Hanji said she had seen more comrades being slaughtered than she cared to recall; now imagine the amount of frustration, pain, and rage Hanji was feeling to - after killing a Titan - go kick up his decapitated head. When they focused on studying the Titans trying to find a way to defeat or resolve the fight againts them, Hanji began to care about these creatures at the same time they had to torture them. I wonder how many torture sessions Hanji had personally done on the Titans until her humanity extended to the maneater monsters and made her forced to toughen up herself to inflict such amounts of pain on them. We see them crying over Bean's pain, them breaking down at his and Sawney's death - that was not only because they lost the Titans as precious test subjects that were helping them advance in their research of the enemies; there was attachment to them, as living creatures.

Eren closed Trost’s gate, the SC lost the 04 years-cleaning path from Trost to Shiganshina - made to set up the bases for the 20 years long gate reconstruction plan to maybe the future SC be capable of sealing Wall Maria. Eren nearly brought the SC end right there. In the Female Titan fights and capture, iirc, it wasn't shown but Hanji was directly involved in developing the new Titan trapping weapons cause it was also part of her Squad's responsibilities as Titan Researchers, and it cost an immense amount of money from taxpayers and benefactors. The whole operation failure in the forest was a price so high for them all. Yet, Hanji wasn't shown specifically reacting to these circumstances, and was even excluded from the Walk of Shame moment after coming back from the forest fight empty handed. Their aggravated feelings over this all was only exposed when Hanji dangled Minister Nick at the top of the Wall, and made their acute and sharp declaration in chapter 34:

Sometimes I wonder if it's because their feelings were often expressed in bursts of anger that people just take Hanji’s pain through the series more "standard" or lightly than others. Because, unlike Levi visibly suffering reacting to his Squads and other soldiers deaths, or Erwin feeling guilty over sending his comrades to death, Hanji's sense of loss and pain related to the Survey Corps member is a suffering that happens mostly off screen while the rage we see at last is just part of their channeled emotional outlet. 

Like, I've stumbled upon people questioning Hanji’s reaction to their Squad's death when Kenny killed them because the way the anime portrayed their reaction seemed like a cold and resigned "oh, they died. People die everyday". But in the manga, though we aren't shown their certainly painful reaction to the news, Hanji (and Moblit) are sad, mourning, and with cold rage burning within them when they go to Roy and Peaure's newspaper to demand the truth in chapter 60. When they met Levi, and he apologizes, Hanji showed themself understandably and empathetic, knowing pretty well how deeply bad he already felt. However, the sense of some justice or avengement needed is there on them both as they talk about neutralizing the bastards who killed Hanji’s team. After all, Hanji really feels pain deeply (as well as the need for some justice) as they had tortured Sannes to partially get a payback feeling for what he did to Nick just chapters ago...

And while Levi had killed people before, Hanji most likely had never killed a human before engaging in the battle on the Reiss Church-Cave. Still, Hanji doesn't hesitate to kill none of them. And I think Yams drew the first human kill Hans did with a blade seemingly ripping through the enemy's heart and Hanji’s right eyes splattered with blood with this intention to signal these things - the lingering pain and anger over all the losses they have been dealing with, as well as a sense of realization/understanding in Hans's persona too.

Contrastingly, even more chapters before this all, Hanji wanted everyone to stop fighting, to feel safe again, to live without fear. So it's painful to think they had to fight and kill and torture their own kind to get where they had to. But for many people, these feelings and wishes go forgotten until we get to the struggles of RtS battle and arc....

Anyway, I'm glad Yams used Hanji to make one of the most beautiful and sad speeches of AOT:

Also, I definitely agree that Hans not taking proper care of themself regularly is not a simple matter of comic relief, even if it’s shown as something apparently fun on side materials. In fact, this is Hanji overworking themself and risking their body, mind, and emotional health to find answers in short periods of time. All this so that, in the next expeditions, the SC might have ways to advance more, save more people, avoid deaths, and to provide anything relevant that might help humanity to not fall in more tragedy. And it's the fruits of their Titan research in the last years that Eren and the other cadets learn while in the Training Corps, and probably why the DMG was being improved in their times...

And Levi having to bathe them with their squad is an extreme action not because of body odor problems itself, but also based on Levi’s fears that people might die of (unknown) disease and unclean conditions. In the smartpasses and close up interviews, we know Hanji goes days and nights in a roll in their experiments with Titans - the most unknown creatures there are in their planet -, and their squad sometimes need to lock her in the rest room so she (and them) can also have a proper rest once in a while; Moblit became a man with alcoholic issues because of the constant pressure and danger Hanji has to put themself into; Levi literally and figuratively saves their neck from Titan bites during experiments while they are tired and dozing off, and from stair falls and possible flu or cold as Hanji doesn't straight up dry themself in the library of crumbling castle until he "coerced" them to sit up by the fireplace, having already reprimanded them with "Your life is important!".

So everything, everything Hanji did on and off manga screen was exactly for what you beautifully pointed out: It was compassion and empathy that moved them, the thoughts of justice for fallen soldiers, for never seeing children enlist and die and live instead in a bright new fearless world.

And I truly believe that too!

Tysm for sharing your thoughts!!! 

[teamhappyme]

a series of promising events (2/5)

aaron hotchner x female!reader

word count: 10.6k (yeah i have a spacing problem)

a/n: part 2 of this series is here! some dialogue, cases, and themes taken directly from criminal minds (S03 EP20, S04 EP01, & S05 EP08). originally, i had it planned to be 3 parts, but after editing, and looking at the word count, it makes more sense to be 5 parts. i don’t want to inundate you lovely people with massive word counts (even though 10k is massive) so this is the finalized count. because i finally got my shit together and finished this out, part 3 will be up wednesday morning, part 4 will be up friday morning, and the final part 5 will be up sunday morning. thank you to everyone who showed some love for part one, and thank you to anyone else who stumbled across my crazy writing and read along!

at the end, I’ve tagged the peeps that interacted with part 1. if you don’t want to be tagged for the other parts, just let me know :)

ok enough of my rambling inner monologue, here we go friends!

link to part 1: here

****

May 2008

We were in New York, investigating what started out as five connected shootings in the city. After twelve hours, we were up to nine fatalities.

We delivered the profile at nine thirty, finally satisfied with the outcome after a day's worth of combing over crime scene photos and witness statements. Hotch didn’t want to waste another second, making sure the profile went out before the night shift went out to patrol.

“Now, our first theory is that we’re dealing with a team.” Derek started. “In the case of the D.C. snipers, there was actually one intended victim.”

“John Muhammad wanted to kill his ex wife, but he knew if he did, he’d be the prime suspect, so he created a spree in order to mask his primary motivation.” 

Spencer added before turning to SSA Joyner. “Muhammad and Malvo also left a death card at one of their scenes, just like this unsub.”

“We believe our unsubs have studied that case. They’re opening a line of communication.” 

There was an outpouring of judgement focused on us, since we were in charge of the D.C. snipers case as well. These unsubs know we’re here, and they’re trying to show they can outthink us.

“Yes, they are playing games. But what that tells us is at least one of them has some intelligence.” You tried to hold your ground, and not let their opinions get to you.

“And like I said,” Prentiss interrupted, ready to put these cops in their place. “They know these cases. He’s also studied the placement of the surveillance systems well enough to avoid detection.”

“We’ve asked officers to canvass their precincts, and look out for a father-son type of duo that fit the dominant-submissive profile.” Rossi had Reid hand out some gang related profiles, just in case the profile shifted. But we were pretty confident in our first go. 

“Talk to the people on your beats, look out for anything suspicious. And let's pray that this isn’t random.” The detective in charge finished and let his precinct disperse. 

“Hey y/n/n, we’re gonna head back in five if you want a spot in the fun suburban.” JJ teased and lightly shoved Spencer’s shoulder. 

You smiled and started packing up your backpack. “Okay. Just, leave the fragile doctor alone.” 

After packing up any files you wanted to review when you got back to the hotel room, you let Morgan and Rossi know the four of you were headed out. They weren’t much further behind with Prentiss and Garcia. 

You met Reid and JJ in the lobby, droopy eyes and mouths full of yawns adorning the three of you. It was a long day, and it was only going to be worse tomorrow. 

“Where’s Hotch?” You asked, ready to get your feet out of these narrow leather dress shoes. You were wearing your combat boots tomorrow. 

“He’s checking in with the lady friend.” JJ nodded her head toward Hotch, who was conversing with Joyner in her office. They were standing close, and you thought you caught a smile on his face. “Do you think they’re into each other?”

“She looks like she could be Haley’s twin,” Spencer added and you sighed. 

The moment the team arrived at HQ this morning, everybody noticed the resemblance to Hotch’s ex-wife. SSA Kate Joyner went pretty far back with our unit chief. They went through the academy together and had some assignments overlap over the years. If it were up to Morgan and Garcia, the two of them would be out on a date right now. But you and Rossi quickly quieted the rumors, not wanting to deal with the rage that was Aaron Hotchner if he knew we were discussing his love life. 

It had barely been six months since Haley left with Jack, and Hotch had just taken off his wedding band a few weeks ago. He didn’t tell any of you until you all witnessed him getting served in the office. It slapped you across the face, especially since you’d just met Haley and Jack for a quick lunch a month and a half before. I guess she wanted Hotch to tell you when he was ready. 

As much as you valued your three year friendship with Aaron Hotchner, you knew Haley deserved better. Hotch adored his wife and son, and would fight heaven and earth to keep them safe. Unfortunately, he was too busy fighting the demons from hell to be a present father and husband. Everyone had their breaking point, and Haley had hit hers. From what Hotch has told you, they’re still amicable, and are trying to be friends again. After all, it wasn’t a lack of love that ended their marriage. It was a lack of prioritizing his family. 

“Knock it off. He’s on his way over.” The three of you turned to one another, pretending to hold an intriguing conversation about one of Spencer’s magic tricks. Truthfully, you were always intrigued in his magic tricks; you never understood how he could pull endless quarters out of your ear. But that conversation would have to wait for another day. 

“Ready to go?” Hotch pulled the keys out of his pant pocket, and the three of you nodded as Spencer called shotgun. A smile crossed your lips, never getting over the jovial things Spencer loved to claim when his intellect wasn’t needed to solve a case.

The fifteen minute ride to the hotel downtown was silent. You were all exhausted, emotionally and physically, sick of having to watch people die over and over again. 

The four of you made it into the lobby, tomorrow morning’s papers already spread across the table. “The late edition didn’t miss a beat.” You said and picked up one of the papers, the headline reading ‘Execution Style’ with a still from one of the murders. You showed it to Hotch and he shook his head. 

“I’m glad I never stooped to this level when I was publishing.” You murmured, reading the first paragraph of the article. 

“JJ,” Spencer started and pointed across the lobby, causing all of us to turn. It was Detective Will LaMontagne Jr., JJ’s adorably chivalrous Louisiana boyfriend. 

“Will.” You could practically hear the smile on her face as she led the walk over to him.

He was supposed to fly into D.C. to visit JJ for the weekend, but came to surprise her in New York when he heard the news. Spencer and I shared a look as Hotch extended a hand to him. 

“Detective.”

“I’m sorry for showing up like this, I know you’re working. But, um. I can’t stand you being on this case. And me not being here, not with what’s going on.”

JJ shook her head in the slightest, and you started to get nervous.

“Is there a problem?” Hotch asked, concern completely taking over his voice at the thought of any harm happening to his team. The couple shared a knowing look, and your patience was starting to run thin with the information being withheld. JJ meant the world to you, and you wanted to make sure she was okay.

Reluctantly, she turned to face you all, a shy smile covering her face. “I’m pregnant.” 

Spencer looked over at you, not knowing how to react to the news. But you couldn’t help the smile widening on your face. 

“Oh my god, JJ! Congratulations!” You wrapped your arms around her and she laughed, most likely out of relief. This was a secret she kept for a long time.

“I’ve asked JJ to marry me,” 

“Will.” She cut him off as Hotch gave him a congratulatory handshake. 

“We’re working out some kinks.” He added as Spencer was next to hug your blonde friend. A baby, in the BAU. You might have been more excited than JJ.

“We’ll, uh, give you both some privacy.” Hotch started towards the elevator, and JJ was quick to follow. 

“Hotch,” She didn’t continue, you knew this wasn’t the exact situation she wanted to tell everyone she was having a baby. 

“JJ, you could have told me.”  

The tenderness in his voice could have broken your heart in two right then and there, but add on the fact that you swore you could see Hotch’s eyes tear in the slightest, you were done. You didn’t want to mention it in front of Reid, but you knew this had to do with Haley. You’d be an idiot not to notice.

The three of you filed into the elevator, leaving JJ and Will to talk in private. You all got off on the fourth floor, Reid’s room the first to come up in the hallway. 

“Night Spencer.” 

“Goodnight. Seven a.m.,” He reminded you as he opened the door with his keycard.

You and Hotch walked down another ten feet before he found his room. 

“Goodnight,” He mumbled out and reached for his key. 

“Hotch,” He closed his eyes, nodding his head in the slightest. 

“I’m tired, y/n.” You could’ve pushed harder. You could have gotten him to crack if you started nagging enough. You’d earned the title as baby sister from the team since you could whine and nag them into doing anything. But tonight didn’t seem like a good time for your skills. 

You nodded, understanding this conversation wasn’t going to happen. 

“Goodnight. Get some sleep.”

Despite your best efforts, you didn’t sleep a wink. Hotch had gone over his files and called for Kate to meet him in the lobby. But then there was an explosion, and you had to watch from your window as Hotch sat by Joyner, waiting for her to die.

Once the team had caught the second unsub and wrapped everything up at the precinct, you headed to the hospital to check on Hotch. And unsurprisingly, he was refusing any further treatment for the ringing in his ears he tried to deny. You saw him kick Rossi out of the room, the third member that couldn’t get through to him. 

“Bobo, why don’t you give it a try. Can’t yell at the baby with a broken arm.” You were the one to tackle the unsub, and landed pretty hard on the pavement downtown. Nothing a black cast covered in smiley faces from Spencer and Garcia couldn’t fix. 

“I know you can’t tell, but I’m flipping you off right now.” You responded to Morgan as you raised your casted hand toward him.

You headed to Hotch’s room, knocking on the window before you walked in. 

“I swear to god if you try to put me in another MRI,” He started to raise his voice when you interrupted him.

“Shit, I should go tell Morgan he was wrong. Boss is willing to yell at the baby with a broken arm.”

He turned around to face you, the lines on his forehead disappearing once he saw it was you and not Rossi. 

“What happened to your arm?” You smiled and glanced down at the cast. “Just another day on the job. Tackled the unsub, the pavement was not very kind to me.”

He sat on the edge of the bed, trying to put his tie back around his neck. You scoffed, stepping over to him. 

“Why the hell would you want to put that back on?” 

“Because it’s part of my suit.” 

You knew better than to pull it out of his hands. He was holding on to any semblance of control, and his outfit was all that he had left. Instead you took a seat in the stiff chair across from him, watching as he grimaced every time he lifted his arms too high. 

“If your goal is to get me to stay another minute here under observation, you’re not gonna win.” 

You shook your head. “That’s not my goal.”

He sighed, giving up on putting his tie on. He moved to finish his top button, he was at least going to be covered. 

“You should be excited for JJ.” You started, testing the water on this subject. 

“Did I suggest otherwise?” He asked and you shook your head. 

“When was the last time you saw Jack?” His eyes widened the slightest, and you regretted asking the question. You gripped the arms of the chair, ready to be ripped a new one. 

Instead, Hotch let out a sigh, and you snapped your head up. “Two weeks. Haley went to visit her mother for a week, and then we went from Florida to New York in three days.”

He was already away from Jack half the week when they were still living under the same roof. Now he was lucky if he got to say goodnight on a weekend. 

“Why don’t you take some time off? I’m sure you have weeks saved up. I’ve been here three years and have never seen a tan on you.” 

He shook his head. “Strauss would never approve of it.”

“Hotch,” 

“Y/n, I really want to get out of this hospital room and call my son.” You shook your head, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“Fine. But you’re not flying home. You have a choice between Morgan and Rossi to drive you home. My recommendation would be Morgan, you don’t want to sit through four hours of Opera music.” 

You stood up, refusing to meet his eye. You were sick of dealing with stubborn men. 

“I’ll see if they can fax your records to D.C. before we leave.” 

He muttered out a thank you as you left the room, shaking your head at the rest of the team.

“Nothing?” Morgan asked as you returned to them. 

“Nothing. Even the baby gets yelled at.” Spencer spared you a glance and you gave him a small smile. You would be fine. “And Derek, you’re driving him back.”

***

January 2010

You didn’t think it could get worse than seeing Hotch with nine stab wounds at the hands of Foyet. You desperately wanted to believe that it couldn’t be worse than that. But you were naive to think that he would let Aaron survive and not make him suffer.

None of you would be able to erase the image of Haley’s bloody body lying in the home where she and Aaron created their family. You wouldn’t forget the sight of Hotch beating into Foyet’s face, or the sobs that raked through his body once Derek had shaken him off. This was a tragedy that shaped the entire team.

After Haley’s death, the seven of you took turns checking in on Hotch, Jack, and Haley’s sister Jessica. She stayed close by when Hotch was on leave, helping him with Jack’s routine, and how to explain to the four year old where his mommy went. She moved back into her apartment a few blocks away before Aaron returned to work. He wanted to prove to her that he could do this on his own, that he could be the strong father that Jack deserved, and that Haley would be proud of.

While the three of them were together, the team would try and make it over every Saturday for dinner. Hotch needed to be around friends, and Jessica needed a guilt free night to spend with the people that made her feel good. He was reluctant at first, not wanting us over the apartment, complaining that it was a mess, and it was too small to fit everyone. But it was impeccably neat, the result of a widow not being able to sleep. Once he became comfortable with us coming around on Saturday’s, we’d pick two weeknights to stop by with a dinner, movie, or game to help take their minds off of the pain. Although you and JJ stopped by every friday regardless of whose week it was, Hotch really appreciated the extra company, and so did Jack.

Despite his attempts at being independent, there were one too many distressed calls being made to you or JJ if he couldn’t get a hold of Jess, or if he didn’t want to burden her with the responsibility. 

Your feelings about Jack Hotchner hadn’t changed in the four years since you met him. You would still do anything to see the adorable little boy smile. So, it was easy to say that you didn’t mind the late night phone calls worrying about Jack’s stuffy nose or when he should take the chicken out of the freezer without it going bad. Because the more he reached out to any one of you, the closer he was to finding a new normal. 

However, all of you were surprised to see SSA Aaron Hotchner in his office only a month and a half after the event. Sure, he made remarkable progress, but you all assumed he would take a little more time, maybe take Jack on a well deserved vacation. Instead, you walked into the office on a monday morning, Hotch the first one in attendance. 

That was two weeks ago. 

The readjustment period had worn off, and Hotch was back to being a drill sergeant. Even more aggressive than he was before. 

The case we were working was local, saving us the discomfort of sleeping in a hotel bed. We were in Virginia, investigating two murdered families, similar to ‘The Fox’.

“Who?” You asked, not familiar with the creepy nickname.

“Four years ago Karl Arnold, aka the fox, killed eight families.” Derek informed you. It must have been just before you started at the BAU. 

“Similar to this case he took the father’s wedding rings, except in his case he took them as trophies.” Spencer finished.

“Hotch, you gave evidence at Arnold’s trial. I think you should go see him.” Derek was acting unit chief since before Haley’s death, and continued his position even with Hotch’s return. Strauss was weary now more than ever to give Aaron the title back so quick.

“I’d like to take l/n with me.” You looked over to Hotch, his eyes resting on yours, waiting for your approval. 

You gave a small nod, placing your sunglasses over your eyes. “Okay. Let’s go.”

Hotch got the keys to a suburban and before you could meet him at the car, Prentiss pulled you back. 

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay with this?” She was always looking out for you, heck she was the one that made you pack extra barf bags for crime scenes. She knew meeting face to face with a family killer would do a number on you. But Hotch can’t face this guy on his own. Not after what happened.

“I’m good. Not the first time I've interrogated a psychopath.” She reluctantly nodded. 

“Okay. Just, let Hotch take the lead.” 

You gave her arm a squeeze. “I will. Let’s find this guy.”

The ride to Red Onion Supermax was a short and quiet one. Hotch filled you in on the particulars of Arnold’s case, making sure you knew it inside and out. This was a team effort after all. 

You couldn’t get a clean read on Hotch, however, on the ride over. He’d yet to crack a true smile or laugh in the weeks he’d been back, which normally wouldn’t be so out of character for him. But Reid had been trying to get him to crack with every magic trick he knew, even agreeing to let Derek joke about his lack of childhood and understanding of pop culture. But nothing worked. 

It worried you to see the regression he’s made since coming back. You knew how happy he was at home with Jack, that a smile crossed his face most of the day when he was playing legos with his son. You hoped he was here because he wanted to be, not because he felt like he had an obligation to the team or the Bureau. 

“Karl has a big ego. He’s going to answer every question with a question. He’ll try to gain the advantage with me by asking why I’m not wearing my wedding ring.” You looked down at his left hand, the gold band that you noticed on your first day, now gone, along with the woman he loved. “And then he will turn his attention to you.”

“So that’s why you brought me along.”

“Your presence will throw him off guard. And he’s going to want to describe to you in graphic detail every sexual act he committed with the families.”

“To freak me out?” Because you haven’t even met this sick bastard and you were certainly already freaked out. 

Hotch met your eye, and you knew this was only going to get worse. “To pull you into his fantasy.”

The guard radioed for the gate to open, and you tried to contain the tremors in your hands. This was a wing of psychotic sexual sadists, they would pick up on your nervous ticks.

You looked to Hotch once the gate opened, and he nodded for you to go in. 

“Go ahead.” You followed the guard in, surprised at the lack of noise you were welcomed with. “Keep your eyes forward. More than anything he’s going to want to see images of the children.”

“We can’t give him that.” You argued, as you started to hear the men from their cells. 

“We have to give him something or we’ll get nothing from him.” 

You’d kept your breathing under control the entire walk down the hallway, until a man crashed against the glass, causing you to flinch and spare a glance.

“Isn’t that, uh,-” 

“Derek Payne.” He finished for you, his eyes still straight ahead. 

“It’s reinforced glass.” You scoffed. Of course he wasn’t worried about another man ripping him apart.

“Easy for you to say, he tore apart fourteen women.”

The door opened to the interrogation room, and this time Hotch entered first. You were met with Karl Arnold, red bushy hair and a beard to match. He was average height, and a little stocky, not what you pictured him to look like.

“Hello Karl,” Hotch greeted him as we settled in on the other side of the table.

“Agent Hotchner,” He stood. “I wasn’t informed you were bringing a, uh,” He glanced at you, looking you up and down before turning back to Hotch. You really regretted wearing a white silk top with your dress pants today. “They just said two agents.”

“This is Agent-” 

“Y/n, l/n.” You tried to control the dilation of your eyes as he looked right through you. “I know all about you.”

Now you understood why Emily asked you if you were sure about this. He kept his eyes on Hotch as he started the interrogation, never looking you in the eyes longer than a second. Even if you directed a question toward him, he would only answer to Hotch. He was a misogynist. You don’t know why you’re so surprised at this discovery, he tortured wives and families.

When he offered up his book of dialogue between him and his fans, he smelled your perfume as you reached across the table to grab it. Hotch quickly took it for you, letting you sit back down in your seat. Your gut was no longer in your stomach, it was lodged in your throat. 

“How’d you lose your ring, Agent Hotchner?” It was beyond your level of profiling to understand how Hotch could just sit there and take the assault on his personal life from a man who ruined families, especially with what he’d just been through. You’d never mastered the art of compartmentalization quite like Hotch. But right now, you were thankful for your uncontrollable emotions.

“I can look past your refusal to answer my question, if you let me see the children. It’s the only way I can truly help you.” You gripped the files harder at the mention of the victims and looked at Hotch. 

“Can I speak with you for a second?” He nodded and the two of you stood. 

“Is there something wrong, y/n?” You bit back the sarcasm that was threatening to fall from your mouth. 

“Nothing’s wrong, Karl.”

You exited the interrogation room, still clutching the files close to your chest. 

“We cannot show him these.”

 He looked at Arnold, who seemed to find your eyes, even through the reflective mirror. “These images will be his undoing and will lead us to the killer.”

“These are not just images.” 

“That’s exactly what they are.” 

“Hotch, I am not about to parade a dead twelve year old girl in a bathing suit in front of a serial killer who gets off on it.” You raised your voice, not willing to compromise any respect you had left for these victims. 

“Then show him the others. It’ll gain his trust and get him talking. He won’t talk to me, he knows I know everything that gets him off. But he’ll want to tell you just what he would do to them. I told you, he wants to pull you in.”

You shook your head. “These are children! Helpless children whose fathers have to live with what this animal did to their families! These strangers do not get to see the torture and humiliation that they went through.”

“If you can’t stomach showing him what he desires, then I’ll do it. Because we’re not leaving until we get a name out of him. You’re either with the team or you’re not.” 

You scoffed. “You’re not the unit chief anymore. I do what Morgan says if we can’t come to an agreement.”

It was bold of you to remind him of his subordinate place. But you were equals now, despite the decade between you two. You didn’t have to listen to his orders if you felt they were wrong. 

He reached for the files, but you turned away from him. “I’m going in there. Not you. But I’m going to run the interrogation my way, not exposing these children. If you have a problem with that, you can call Morgan.”

You motioned for the guard to let you back in. You took your seat across from Karl, a smirk still evident on his face. 

“What, no Agent Hotchner?”

“You know, yours was one of the first cases I studied,” You started, trying to loosen up the muscles in your face. Going against every natural instinct in your body was making it hard to relax. “I’ve been fascinated ever since. I wanted to tell you sooner, but I was embarrassed with him in the room.”

“You’re embarrassed because you want to know what I did, don’t you.” You pushed out a smile, a little giggle behind it to entice him.

And of course it did. “Yes.”

“I can show you exactly what I did to them.” 

“Tell me.” You tilted your head to the side, pushing some hair behind your ear. You were fighting the bile rising in your throat with every word you exchanged with him.

“Children are so precious, so clean. But they need guidance, especially the girls.” 

You narrowed your eyes. “Why?”

“Girls have much more to lose than boys. It’s a fact, the female body can handle pain much better.” If this wasn’t a serial killer across from you, you’d agree with him and make some jokes about the female anatomy. But he was enjoying this, just like Hotch said. He was pulling you in.

“What did you do to them?” 

He smiled. “I showed them, what men, their fathers, and brothers, are capable of.” 

“And what is that?”

“Once I killed the children, It always amazed me how little the father fought the inevitable, the dying.”

“I never thought I would get these answers, let alone from the man himself.” You pushed out another smile, because you knew he was holding back. He was almost willing to trust you, he just needed to be groomed a little more.

“It takes a good woman, to make an honest man. And you’re prettier than Agent Hotchner.” 

He was dancing around the information now, knowing that he had your time and attention. “Karl, do you know why you killed all those families?” 

“I already told you why.”

You dropped the sweet tone, and pushed up on your elbows. “No, you told me how. And your motivations were all driven by sex, motivations you learned from your father.”

You saw him flinch, and you knew you were getting somewhere. 

“You assert your dominance by making the father, the head of the household, watch you torture, assault, and take anything you wanted from the people he’s supposed to protect. Now your admirer, they don’t have the same ambitions as you do. And normally, that would bother a man like you. You want to be adored for every single part of your mess. But like you said, they’re an admirer, not a fan. So I’m guessing it’s a woman, who you’ve really come to care for.”

He tugged on his shackled wrists, you clearly got what you were looking for.

 “Those women, those girls, they needed to be taught a lesson. How to obey who’s in charge. And you,” he laughed as he inched as far across the table as he could. “The things I would do to you if I weren’t nailed to this table. You’d be done before I could call your name.”

Before you could respond, Hotch came into the room, demanding a name. You stood up, no longer needing to play a role. 

“It must be distracting, working with such a beautiful woman everyday.” You didn’t spare him another glance as you heard him mumble out a name to Hotch, finally getting what he wanted: power over you.

“Morgan, we’ve got a name. It’s a female guard in intake. Get everybody here ASAP.” The guard led you and Hotch back down the hallway, through the lion's den, and back to the elevator. Once inside, you let out a breath. Hotch turned to look at you, but you spoke up before he had the chance. 

“Don’t ask me to do that ever again.”

You would’ve yelled at him, tore him to pieces in the elevator ride from the fourth floor to the exit, but there was a guard escorting you out. You didn’t want him to have the privilege of watching two FBI agents battle it out. And honestly, you weren’t sure if you had the heart to yell at him after all he’d been through.

But once you were escorted through the exterior gates, your team in sight, you regained the nerve to give Hotch a piece of your mind.

Not before he spoke first though. 

“You did exactly what needed to be done. I didn’t ask you to act that way toward him, and I’m sorry you feel that that was your only way in. But I’m not going to apologize for getting the name of the killer.”

“So you would have acted in the same degrading way if the roles were reversed?”

He scoffed. “Yes, I would have. Because unlike you, my feelings don’t impair my judgement or ability to do this job. You’re an asset to this team, you need to find a way to get your emotions in check.”

You stopped walking, turning around to face him. You were in the middle of the driveway now, SWAT and BAU canvassing the scene. But you were going to do this here and now.

“The only reason you brought me here was to appeal to that sick son of a bitch. The only thing that makes me an asset to you is the fact that I have a vagina and you don’t. You turned me from a Supervisory Special Agent into a fighting fuck toy! You watched as I drained every ounce of respect I had for myself to turn into what that psychopath desired, all because I wouldn’t show him pictures of innocent children.” He looked over your shoulder to the team, embarrassed that they were hearing this. “At least have the respect to look at me while I’m talking to you!”

Hotch had never heard you yell like this. You were the calm one, the baby, as Derek called you. No one ever pushed you so far over the edge to get a reaction out of you. At least, not until he did. 

“The next time you ask me, JJ, Prentiss, or Garcia to flirt our way into a serial killer's mind, to expect us to degrade ourselves in order to save another woman, I will not hesitate to report you to Strauss.” You could hear footsteps behind you, but you continued on as tears started to form in your eyes. “You used to say that my empathy was what made me an amazing agent. That my ability to connect with victims and families was the reason I’m here. So do not try and make me feel worthless for possessing something that you wish you could have. Because the way you act, with no capability for empathy, is a depressing way to live.” 

“Y/n,” Spencer rested a hand on your shoulder, but you shook it off.

“Figure out the man you want to be.”

Before you could say anything else, Spencer dragged you away from Hotch and towards the cars. You could feel the tears freely falling down your cheeks, but you made no effort to remove them. You ignored the stares from the rest of your team, not giving them the satisfaction of knowing what went down in that interrogation room. Instead, you got into the passenger seat of the suburban, and Spencer started the drive back to the office. 

Rationally, you knew you went off too hard at him. He never deliberately asked you to flirt with Arnold. He asked you to show him the pictures of Lucy, to get him to crack under the fantasy. But you refused. You would rather make yourself go through that pain than any young child. It’s what you’d always done.

Spencer tried to convince you they hadn’t heard the conversation. That they were all too focused on SWAT’s apprehending of the guard to pay attention.

“Spence,” You started and looked over at him. “We all had our earpieces in. You heard every word.”

And he was silent the rest of the ride back. You were exhausted, and you wanted nothing more than to go home and fall asleep on your couch with reruns playing in the background. But you had a mountain of paperwork to finish, and still needed to debrief when the team got back.

Halfway through your stack, the team came back to the bullpen. Prentiss gave your shoulder a comforting squeeze as she passed by, heading for her desk. Derek had agreed to let everyone go home without debriefing. This was the earliest we’d been done with a case so close to home. We needed to capitalize on our rest. 

JJ was the first to go home, excited to be home in time for dinner with Will and Henry. Prentiss and Rossi followed shortly after, going to celebrate the win of this case at an expensive restaurant, at Dave’s expense. 

“Come on you two, don’t make me drag you out of here kicking and screaming.” Derek addressed you and Reid as he pulled his coat on. 

“We’re right behind you boss man.” Spencer said and turned his desk light off, grabbing his cane. He should be able to ditch all mobility aids soon.

You swung your backpack over a shoulder and turned off your own light. You didn’t even make it out of your four foot space before Hotch called out to you.

“Y/n, could I see you before you leave?” He was standing in front of his office, on higher ground than the rest of us. Power move, you thought to yourself. But he wouldn’t be that petty.

You looked back to Reid and Moran, the former nodding to you before seeing himself to the elevator. Now it was just Spencer, his eyes begging for you to leave. 

“I don’t need to remind you how deeply you care for all of us. But if you keep putting yourself out there to comfort him, you’re going to get destroyed.” This was the first time Spencer had mentioned this to you. Sure, you’d been helping Hotch out at home, a little more than normal, but everybody was pitching in. His wife died for god's sake. 

“Spence, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He let out a sigh and fidgeted with his cane. You found it at a consignment shop on one of your weekends off, and bought it for him without hesitation. It had an eagle engraved in it’s clutch, something regal, medieval, and screamed Spencer Reid. You ignored the price, a forty dollars more than you would’ve liked to spend on a walking stick, but the look on his face when you gave it to him was priceless.

“You need to stand up for yourself. Nothing excuses the way he treated you today. Regardless of your decision to play a character.” 

God, could he read you. 

“No pair of rose colored glasses could cloud that. Not even yours.” He gave you one last shadow of a smile before limping his way to the elevator.

Once you regained your composure, you turned to make your way up to Hotch’s office. He was sitting in his chair, staring at the paperwork waiting to be filled out before him. You knocked on the open door, and he stood up without even looking at you. You were going to take Spencer’s advice and stick up for yourself, so you had to set the pace.

“Can this be quick? I wanted to get home before traffic started up.” He rounded the front of his desk, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he leaned against it. 

“I’m sorry for the way I treated you back at the prison.” You nodded, not wanting to verbally accept the apology that was due to you hours ago. “I was out of line and completely blinded by the case. I should’ve listened to you and taken your reservations into consideration. It was narcissistic of me to think I was the only one capable of making the right decision.”

“Thank you.” You stuttered out, still absorbing the tone of his voice. His word choice was self deprecating, a cry for help if you didn’t know any better. 

“Y/n,” He started but was interrupted by a shaky breath. “I hate that I made you feel like all you’re good for is to romance your way into their heads. You deserve to be treated with respect, to be valued because of your empathy and your psychological understanding of victims and their families. If I’ve ever made you feel like you were worthless before this afternoon, please tell me.”

“No, you’ve never made me feel that way.” 

He nodded before turning to grab a piece of paper from his desk. 

“Good. Because I’ve written up a complaint for Strauss, describing my behavior and language directed toward you today. You shouldn’t have to wait for a next time to file it.”

He extended the paper to you, and you walked until you were standing in front of him, accepting the complaint into your hands. But you didn’t even read it before tearing it in two. 

“What are you doing?”

“Hotch, I’m not filing a complaint against you. Everything that I did today was my choice. You didn’t force me into anything.” 

He ran a hand through his hair, the first time you’ve seen it tousled in the office.  

“I was uncomfortable showing Arnold those pictures. So I made the choice to play a character, to appeal to his fantasy. You weren’t in the room, and you didn’t suggest that. If anything, you tried more than anything to get me to stick to the script. Did you have some choice words for me that weren’t necessarily appropriate? Yes. But we all have our moments. After we got out of there, I felt sick that I had to do that to get a name out of him. It wasn’t the first time I’ve camouflaged myself for the greater good, and it won’t be the last. I took out the self hatred I had on you, because you were there. Because if I did it your way, I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror again without feeling ashamed. But you didn’t deserve it.”

“Yes, I do. I deserve to be ridiculed for telling you that your empathy is a weakness. I deserve to be ridiculed for yelling at Garcia for missing something on a search. I deserve,” 

His voice broke, and you froze in place. You were about to see Aaron Hotchner cry for the first time in four years. “I deserve to be punished for Haley’s death.”

Your own eyes started to water as you saw a single tear roll down his cheek. Without thinking, you reached forward and held his hands in your own. They were shaking, and he tried to pull them away from you. But you held on tight, you weren’t going anywhere.

“Hotch, look at me.” He kept his gaze on the windows, looking out onto the concrete roof. 

“Hotch, please.” You were quieter the second time, and that’s what got him to meet your eyes. 

“I’m not going to sit here and tell you that you could’ve prevented Haley’s death if you did one thing instead of the other. Because no matter what you did, Foyet would’ve found her, and done this all over again.” He tried to look away from you, but you tugged on his hands, begging him to stay. “But what you did prevent, was Foyet taking away the greatest thing you and Haley ever made. You saved your son, Hotch. And you ended Foyet’s reign of terror. You get to spend every day reminding Jack how amazing his mother was. How strong, resilient, and fierce she was. How she looked death in the eye and didn’t even flinch. You get to live the rest of your life for your son.”

He nodded and closed his eyes, letting the few remaining tears fall down his face. You let your own fall with the reprieve of no longer being under his stare, not wanting to fall apart when he needed you.

“I love her. I never stopped loving her. The divorce, it wasn’t because of that. It was because of this job.” 

You squeezed his hands before letting them go, letting him wipe off his face. 

“I know. And I know she never stopped loving you.”

You never thought you would get to this moment when you first met Haley. You let out a small laugh while remembering your first encounter, how pregnant and angry she was at Hotch.

“What?” You smiled and shook your head. 

“I’m just remembering the first time I met her. She was pregnant, she called you a robot, and was cracking jokes left and right to try and get you to crack.”

That got him to smile. “I could always make her laugh when we were younger. She had the funniest, most embarrassing laugh. But it was Haley. And it was addicting.” 

You wanted him to remember her like this, with a smile on her face and the loving soul she was. 

“I truly am sorry for what I said to you, but you have to know I didn’t mean it.”

You nodded. “I know you didn’t. Just apologize to Garcia in the morning, and get home to Jack. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

He gave you a small smile as you picked up your backpack.

Spencer’s words stung in your ears while you were holding Hotch’s hands. You loved everyone on this team as your family. And Hotch needed you to be there for him a lot more over the last two months. Sure, you’d brushed off some harsh conversations with him considering the circumstances, but you knew when it went too far, like today.

“Y/n,” His voice pulled you from your thoughts, stopping you at the door. “Thank you.”

You nodded. “Of course.” 

Maybe you did care too much for people. But if it helped them get back to normal, you’ll continue wearing those rose colored glasses a little while longer.

***

March 2010

“I’m grocery shopping. Because I have no food in my apartment and I never thought I’d say this, but I’m sick of eating pizza.” You threw a box of cheerios in your cart, careful not to hit the eggs on their way in. 

“That’s how you’re spending your saturday? Our first saturday off in a month?” 

“Well, unless I want to spend another twenty bucks on one meal, I’ve gotta do my grown up chores.” “You need to get your butt back home so we can go out and drink.”

Emily was relentless, to say the least. Every single weekend you had off, her number popped up on your phone the minute you got home. She hated resting in her own solitude, and tried to drag you along for any activity she could think of. Shopping, drinking, walking around the national mall, and, in desperate cases, running. But her record wasn’t stellar in getting you to attend.

“I’m spending the afternoon with my couch, a book that has taken me too long to read, and probably eat an entire bag of smartfood.” You chucked a box of granola bars in your cart too when you heard a kid cry. You turned to the end of the aisle, but the parent was blocking the child. “Besides, it’s dinner tonight at Hotch’s.”

“He canceled this morning. Rossi was supposed to call and let you know.” You rolled your eyes. Of course Dave forgot. 

“Daddy! I want the poptarts!” You heard the kid yell out again. But you knew that voice, and you couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face.

“Em, I’ll see you on Monday. Have a shot for me.” 

“I’ll have two.”

You laughed as you hung up the phone, pushing the cart over to your favorite little boy on the planet. You didn’t think to give the father another glance when you didn’t recognize him, but that’s because Aaron Hotchner is never without a suit at the office. He was dressed in jeans now and a quarter zip, looking like a normal dad.

When you approached the two boys, Jack was leaning against the shelf, tears streaming down his cheeks as he kicked his feet against the ground. 

“It looks like SSA Hotchner could use some help profiling his son.”

Hotch was quick to stand up, meeting your eye. You only smiled while crouching down to Jack’s level. 

“Hey little man, what’s the problem here?” He wiped the tears from his cheeks, and your heart broke at the redness in his eyes.

“Daddy won’t let me get any pop tarts.” 

“That’s because you ate the whole box in one day without my permission.” Aaron argued back. 

You hid your laugh in your shoulder, not wanting to upset Jack any more. But Hotch had already caused him to spiral into a meltdown again. 

“Jack, have you ever had ants on a log?” He shook his head, tears continuing down his chubby cheeks. “Well, they were my favorite snack when I was little. It’s celery, peanut butter, and raisins all set up on a plate. And the best part is, you get to make it yourself! Now, I know how much you love peanut butter, and I bet if you ate this snack, Daddy will let you get poptarts the next time you go grocery shopping.”

“Okay.” He said and nodded his little head. “But I’m sick of grocery shopping.”

“Me too buddy.” I sat down next to him. “I do not like having to walk up and down these aisles searching for food. So, why don’t we sit here while daddy finishes his list?”

You spared a glance at Hotch and his practically full basket. You knew he would be done in ten minutes if you stayed here with Jack. 

“Are you sure?” Aaron asked and you nodded. 

“‘Course. I don’t need food that bad anyway.” He sighed and made his way back to his carriage.

You pulled a piece of paper and a pen out of your purse and handed it to Jack. 

“Aunt Jessica told me that you know how to write your name now. Can you show me?”

He sat up straight, laying the paper down on the floor. You watched as he made a loopy uppercase J, followed with big and small letters to spell out the rest of his name. 

“That’s awesome buddy. What about your last name?” 

“Hotchner!” He yelled out and you laughed. 

“Yeah, let me spell it out for you.” You wrote it out on the paper and it took him a few minutes to copy down.

“You’re turn now, y/n.” He handed you the pen and you wrote your name down, saying the letters as you wrote them. Jack repeated you, and it made you laugh. You forgot that kids were such sponges. 

By the time you finished writing Aaron and Haley’s names for Jack, Hotch was back with his cart. “Alright buddy, it’s time for us to go. We gotta let y/n finish her grocery shopping.” 

“No! I want y/n to come home with us for dinner. She was helping me spell everyone's names!”

You smiled as you stood up, giving Jack a hand. “Maybe next time buddy. But you gotta get home to try those ants on a log.”

“Actually, we’re making pizzas for dinner, Jack’s saturday choice. You can come over, if you don’t have any plans already.” You’d never heard Hotch this nervous before. It made you laugh a little. 

“I’d love to. Only if I get to put extra cheese on my pizza though.” 

“Of course!” Jack exclaimed and you matched his smile. 

“Awesome! I’ll let you two pay for all this food and I’ll meet you at your house okay?” Jack nodded before running to the front of the cart.

“You sure you don’t have any plans? I don’t want you to give up another saturday night at my expense,” 

“Hotch there is nothing more exciting than spending my weekends with the cutest four year old on the planet.” He smiled, but you knew he still wasn’t convinced. “Besides, every other twenty-nine year old I know is in a stuffy club in uncomfortable clothes. This is much more my pace.”

He nodded, a small smile on his face. “Okay. We’ll meet you at the apartment in a half an hour.” 

“Sounds good. See you soon Jack!” You waved to the little boy and quickly tried to finish buying the staples that could get you through a few days at home. 

You got home and quickly put your food away, making sure everything that needed to be refrigerated was chilled. You switched your t-shirt for a long sleeve tee, opting for sneakers instead of boots. Comfort was the utmost importance on days off.

It took you twenty minutes to get to Hotch’s apartment from yours, arriving at five on the dot. You were known for, and proud of your punctuality. Hotch answered the door after two knocks, and you couldn’t help but focus on the noise of three different locks unlocking. 

He greeted you with a slight nod of the head, button down replacing his quarter zip. 

“Do you even own comfortable clothes?” “This is comfortable.” You rolled your eyes, as he took the poptarts from your hands, raising his eyebrow at you.

“Didn’t I just have this fight with my four year old son about not buying these?” He asked as he let you in the house. 

“Yes, but I’m the fun dinner guest. I bring the treats for the children.” 

He tried to hide the small huff of a laugh that escaped his lips, but you still caught it. “You will be the death of me.”

You let out a laugh as he led you into the kitchen, putting them away on the top cabinet. I reached for my hip and pulled my holster off, putting it on the counter. 

“Do you have somewhere I can put this? Last thing I need is to drop it while I throw up my pizza dough.” He unlocked the drawer in his desk, placing it in there before locking it back up.

You heard tiny footsteps running down the hall. “Y/n! It’s pizza time!” 

You smiled as he tugged at your legs. “I know! I’m so excited!”

“Alright buddy, you’re up first. Show y/n how we properly throw our pizza dough in the air.” Hotch pushed a step stool over to the counter, waiting for Jack to step up. The grin on the little boy's face was ginormous as he powdered his hands with flour, taking the small ball of dough Hotch separated for him.

The two of you were on either side of Jack, each ready to follow his lead in the process. “Ok, on the count of three. One, two, three!” 

You spun the dough in your hands before throwing it in the air, watching it separate the slightest bit. Jack’s giggles filled the apartment as he let his dough fall onto the counter. Aaron shook his head, you could tell this part of the meal was always a struggle for the little boy.

You watched as Jack spread out the miniscule amount of sauce he wanted along his crust, topping it off with a mountain of cheese. You taught him the more cheese, the better, and he clearly still believed you. You added some pepperoni to your own oval shaped pie, unsuccessful in making a perfect circle crust. But, not everyone could be the perfect Italian chef like David Rossi.

While the pizza’s were in the oven, the three of you sat down to play a few rounds of Candyland. You hadn’t played since your time at DCFS, and you forgot how there was no real objective to the game. It certainly wasn’t your game of choice, but Jack was still a little young to be able to contend with you in a game of monopoly. A few more years, you thought.

Once the pizza’s were done, Jack helped you set the table as Hotch cut the pies. You felt a little out of place, crossing some very important boundaries by having dinner with just the two Hotchner boys. This saturday was much different than the ones you spent when the whole team was over, Henry and Jack putting on dance parties for the guests. 

You started to become more aware of your actions around the apartment; how you knew where the placemats were kept, that Jack used his purple cup for milk at dinner, and the strict no electronics rule at the table. However, that had been established by Haley years ago. The thought of her had a shot of guilt running through your stomach, sitting down with her family for dinner, just three and a half months after she’d passed. 

You’d been thinking a lot about what Spencer had said that night at the BAU. He was vague, too vague for the doctor that could tell you how long he’d been alive down to the second. After a few sleepless nights, you called the doctor in question and demanded he explain himself. But after his admission, you quickly regretted having all the information.

Spencer Reid has known you for almost five years now, and has seen you through the moments that have shaped your adult life. Killing Stephanie Moore, testifying in the fisher king case, being your excusing phone call from multiple dates, and holding your hand as you took in one of your former foster siblings from a bad relationship. There was absolutely nothing in your life that could be hidden from him.

So when he told you he noticed your feelings for Hotch ‘about two years ago’, you nearly stopped dead in your pacing tracks. Not because you didn’t know your own feelings for the man, but because you didn’t realize it had been that long. That he had been married to Haley, albeit only for a month longer, that you started to notice how handsome your boss was. Upon hearing the truth out loud, and from another person, you ran to the bathroom and threw up a few times. 

You were so embarrassed, so ashamed of caring for someone that couldn’t be yours. For caring for someone who’s wife you truly adored. After the third round of puking, Spencer reassured you through the phone that it wasn’t your fault. We can’t control who we love. And yes, he said love.

“Are you okay y/n?” Jack’s little voice pulled you from your thoughts. You smiled at his sauce covered face and nodded. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. How’s your pizza, Jack?”

“Awesome! Daddy is the best pizza cooker ever!”

“You sure you’re okay? You look a little pale,” Aaron commented and referenced your plate. You hadn’t taken a bite. 

“I’m good, really. Just thinking about how I’m going to make a bigger lego tower than Jack after dinner.”

That got the little boy to laugh, successfully switching the conversation to Jack’s favorite toys. But you noticed the glaces Hotch snuck your way, not believing you for a second. You were an awful liar. 

The longer the three of you sat at the table, the larger your smile grew around these boys. Seeing Hotch being able to relax and really enjoy his time with Jack always brought a smile to your face. He was a natural father, sliding into the role of playmate and swaddler, cuddler and soother. You even remember him helping JJ out with Henry’s swaddle at work one day.

But you knew he felt guilty, not being able to be present in his son’s life everyday. You saw it in the hundred’s of views of the video of Jack’s first steps, the late night phone calls while away on a case just to say goodnight to his little boy. He missed out on a lot of the baby years, and he would be making it up to Jack for the rest of his life, with nights like these. With the whole weekend devoted to Jack Hotchner’s favorite things, minus the sugary pop tarts. Hotch had mastered the duality of being a Supervisory Special Agent for the FBI, and the loving father to Jack Hotchner. It was one of the reasons why you started caring so much for him. 

“Alright Jack, you can build one tower with y/n, then it’s bath time and off to bed.” You saw the pout on Jack’s face as Hotch cleared our plates, and you helped him off the chair. 

“Come on, maybe if we’re quick enough we can make two.”

He giggled as he led you to his room, stuffed animals and toys galore. This boy won’t want for a thing.

“Okay, you make a big blue one, I’ll do purple.” 

You finished much quicker than the four year old, but under no circumstances would he let you sit and watch him make his masterpiece. Instead, since you had nearly two and a half feet on him, you stacked your tower on top of his and continued adding pieces to make it bigger. He cheered you on as it started to reach your head, and you were getting excited yourself. Until, it came to a crashing fall with the last green piece on top. 

“Noo!” Jack yelled out, trying to catch the falling pieces. 

“It’s okay Buddy, you can always make another one.” Aaron’s voice trying to soothe his son caught both you and the little guy’s attention.

The two of you turned to see Hotch leaning in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest. You wondered how long he’d been standing there. 

“And maybe next time, we can make one as big as daddy.”

 Hotch let out a laugh as Jack smiled at you in amazement. He liked how your brain worked. 

“Bath time, bud. We gotta get your face cleaned up from all that pizza sauce, and ship you off to bed.” 

“But y/n’s here,” He whined, not wanting the lego fun to end.

“Well I have to get home and take a shower too, bud. Don’t worry, there’s plenty more playdates in your future.” You said and stood up, giving the little boy a high five. 

“Go wait for me in the bathroom okay, I’m gonna walk y/n out.” 

“Okay. Bye bobo.” He said and ran off to the bathroom, leaving you speechless in his bedroom. 

“You let him be around Derek Morgan way too much.”

“Probably. But you can’t compete with the guy who brings over a new lego set every weekend.” Hotch got your gun for you, walking you back to the front door. 

“Are you kidding? You’re his hero, Hotch. He asked me last week if I was a superhero like daddy.” He cracked a smile, but his eyes were glued to the floor, unable to meet your own.

“Why did you cancel dinner tonight?” He sighed and lifted his head. You’d been wanting to ask him since you were at the grocery store. The team had been coming over for three months now, and it was something we all started to look forward to.

“I was sick of feeling like a burden to you all. I mean, asking you all to give up your Saturday nights, sometimes our only free night of the week to spend in my depressing apartment, it had been enough.” If only you could show this man how much the team cared for him through your eyes, he would never doubt his worth another day in his life. 

“Hotch, the highlight of my week is coming here to be with you all. My family. Watching Henry and Jack play with each other, listening to Spencer and Penelope fight over who the true godparent is, and getting to be on the receiving end of Rossi’s awesome cooking?” 

He nodded, mumbling an ‘I know’ a few times under his breath. But he needed to know that as much as you all come here for Jack, you guys care for Aaron and his well being just as much. 

“I come here every saturday to make sure that Aaron Hotchner has not dressed in a suit for the sixth day in a row, and to make sure he knows that he’s doing such an amazing job with Jack. That he is being the best father, friend, and boss, that he can be.”

This time, his eyes were locked on yours as you got a real Aaron Hotchner smile out of him, dimples and all. You couldn’t help but make a check mark in the air, the team tally still going strong. He playfully rolled his eyes as you swung your bag across your shoulder. 

“So who’s in the lead now?” 

“Me, for the last six months. I can’t be dethroned.” You felt your cheeks grow warm, hoping he wouldn’t think too much into your stat keeping. 

“Well, that seems like a pretty accurate tally.”

You made sure it was. And selfishly, you hoped no one else could get that beautiful smile to cross his face like you could. 

“Thank you for coming over. We both had a lot of fun.” 

“I did too. I’m around anytime, my tower building skills are not occupied for many other people.” He let out a laugh as he opened the door for you.

“Goodnight y/n. Let me know when you get home.” 

“I will. Night, Hotch.”

You got home in twenty minutes, texting Aaron as you walked through your door. Quickly changing into pajamas and throwing Legally Blonde into the DVD player, your phone dinged at a new message.

It was from Hotch, a picture attached to the message. It was of Jack, towel wrapped around his head, eyes shut from grinning so wide. ‘He wanted me to send this to you. He said, ‘this is how happy I am that y/n was here tonight.’ Thanks again for everything. Goodnight.”

You couldn’t help the tears that pooled in your eyes at the sweet little boy in the picture, and his amazing dad behind the camera.

****

tags: @simplyprentiss @michaelahah @ssahotchner99 @svrgicalhands @hotchtopic @unionjackpillow @philcoolson @tommhollandzxhaz @kathleenjasmine @canimarrypizzaornah @reaperwalking @inlovewithaaronhotchner @shelbymm11 @mrshotchner23 @tropicalwrites

[rewatching-supernatural]

s15e03

Here we are again! maybe today I'll only watch one episode though, because I'm tired and I had a shitty day so I deserve to not suffer through two bad episodes

It took me one month, less than 30 days, to watch seasons 1-13

I watched 13 seasons

in one month

and it's been a month since then (almost, it'll be a month on the 12th) and I haven't been able to get through the two shortest seasons (if we don't count the author strike of s03)

anyways

*****

The flashbacks make me want to stop this and go watch something else

but we shall persevere!

I'm really glad I stopped watching when I did at the first episode of season 10, because if I had to wait a full week for this? I'd be fucking pissed

*****

they're under the dome, like in King's story

or in Harry Potter

well Rowena, that's a pessimistic outlook!

"we're all going to die" true

I like Sam and Dean's conversation through the eyes

"Give her your alcohol."

"I don't have any."

"Don't lie to me, I know you've got a flask."

"It's MY flask."

"Come on, give it to her."

"Argh, fine. Fuck."

*****

Cas talking with Belphegor is actually pretty interesting, give us more of that!

*****

some thoughts:

nevermind, I don't have time to think about anything because Belphegor my Beloved has an idea, with Lilith's crook, they can suck them all back to Hell

and now it's the vulvus spell! of course

I have seen the bloopers of this scene so many times

*****

I profoundly hate how the show turned into "here is a nonsense problem that has never happened before and no one should technically know how to fix it. oh, vut no! this one new mystical character --- nevermind that, Dean just decided Cas would go?! without asking?!

Dean what the fuck

*****

Wow Ketch sacrificed himself to save the Winchesters

maybe it's out of guilt for fucking their mom

*****

Belphegor you little shit, you're so mean

the cgi is so. fucking. bad.

how dare they get budget and make me watch these godawful things

*****

Okay, I paused on the text that Dean sent to Ketch

"Cass and Bel are going to hell. Rowena and San are doing a spell--I'm working on the Hellhole solo."

???? none of that looks like a genuine Dean text

Bel? he calls this demon they just met Bel?? and why would Dean text that whole thing out with the entire plan to Ketch? no way. he'd definitely just text like, their location, and tell hin to get their asap and then they'd explain when he got there

Also, I cannot imagine Dean texting full words with proper grammar

this is just so completely wrong

anyways, I have spent five minutes looking at this bullshit text, time to unpause

*****

wow, those sound effects are so shite

Belphegor wanted Castiel there for a reason, and I don't know what it is, but I'm guessing it's bad, or at the very least, questiona-- OH COME ON! YOU CUT AWAY RIGHT BEFORE CAS STARTS SINGING?!

that's not nice

*****

Ardat showed up and hurt my Cas 😠😭

Ah, there it is

he wants to rule Hell

I mean, if it gets the ghosts and demons away from Earth? then great!

//welp just had to take a 1.5h break because of family things, so now I should already be asleep, but I'm going to finish the episode

*****

Okay so it didn't work, it didn't close the gate, and Cas is punching Belphegor repeatedly, and he HE BURNED THE BODY WTF

Rowena's cutting her own heart out?? what

oh no she removed her hex bag thing

and now she's going to absorb the ghosts and demons herself? because she somehow knows a spell for that, mhm

that tracks

🙄😑

*****

So, Rowena needed Sam to be with her because he's the only one who can kill her

because of prophecy or whatever

Dean's angry at Cas and I understand but like, BITCH he's doing his best, stop fucking treating Cas like an enemy

this season so far is making me unship Destiel, wow congrats whoever wrote this shit

*****

so you're telling me she sucked billions of souls inside of her and she's just chilling there next to them, not exploding?!

mhm, that tracks

🙄😑

*****

At least now we know all we've got is Team Free Will, so we should be able to see more of Cas than we did in the last two episodes

*****

oh are we back at the Bunker? yeah, we are

oh right, they didn't know about Ketch

*****

"Why does that something always seem to be you." fuck you Dean

what the fuck

who wrote this

go fuck yourself

go fuck yourself

Cas knows he's in love with Dean

Cas knows he's in love with Dean, and he knows it will never be reciprocated

And he has to suffer through this... this indescribable bullshit Dean's got going on

"I think it's time for me to move on"

after 12 years

12 years, and Lilith, and the apocalypse, Michael and Lucifer, Crowley, the Leviathans, the tablets and prophets and Metatron, the angels falling, the Mark of Cain, Dean becoming a demon, the Alphas, the British Men of Letters, the nyphilim and Lucifer again, Apocalypse World, Nick and Apocalyspe!Michael, fighting God

a lifetime

thousands, possibly millions or even billions years old entity, an angel, who broke God's scripts and invented free will because what's fate in the name of Dean Winchester

who fell from Heaven, betrayed his kind, defied archangels and demons and creatures of all sorts

"I think it's time for me to move on." but how could he?

what is Castiel, who is he, if not Dean's?

he doesn't belong anywhere, not anymore, not for a long time

but by Dean's

I also swallow glass shards as a treat

[highkingfen]

A TM FB ground asked ‘’What do you love about fen’’ I had a lot to say...

Alright, so I am procrastinating to do something else so let me write why I love fen. 

Something Brittany said as she was saying goodbye to her character was how Fen was born to be a side character and became a hero. I remember starting to cry after hearing that because this is exactly why I adore her. 

I had an abusive relationship where the guy didn't even realize how abusive he was and destroyed the little self-confidence I had build in myself after years of bullying and not being smart enough in math for my high school. And then I decided to stop dating and rebuild myself and it is by mistake that I fell in love with my husband (We both didn't want to date, the irony) and when he introduced me to The Magicians he told me I’d associate with Fen. Most likely because I’d love her kindness and princess-y vibe. What he didn't expect is that I loved her for so much more than that

Fen comes from a world that doesn't value women the same as men. In a world where her father refuses to show her how to make magical blades because she was a girl . And yet, she learns how to use them and how to sharpen them with whetstone, despite not what a woman should do. She learned her father’s craft enough that she was able to appreciate a good blade (The couple’s torture device) or even know the difference between a blade cut vs an animal one (S03E02)

Fen was raised with the only goal to be a wife; one day it might happen that a stranger comes at their door and she will have to marry him without even saying anything, so her family could rise in the rank of Fillorian royalty. And arrive, Eliot who married her, thinking he would die and not to have to handle her, so when he came back alive she had to manage to be newlywed to a self-destructive man. 

Tick never valued her or the pesant, we see her face when he get means to the FU fighter, and I am sure it is not the only side remark Tick has done toward her; she was never one of the ‘’royalty’’.

One of their first conversation in the castle is how she wants to be obedient to him. which means she was told to be so, and probably that her job was also to produce an heir. Her job was to be the quiet wife of the High King and provide lineage. But that is not what happens. Despite Eliot saying he wanted her to be his equal, it took nearly 4 seasons for him to do so. He dismissed her, never told her when he left or what would happen and only truly cared when she was in danger or taken over by the fairy. Fen only knew what she had to do: be a wife and give a baby . But Eliot was not attracted to her and would never love her and Margo gave her baby away. 

So this leads us to her breakdown. Margo and Eliot clearly didn’t know what to do with her because they let her be in a psychosis where she was carrying a log as a baby, but losing her baby to the fairies was Fen's last straw. I think she was starting to accept that Eliot would never love her and that she might be able to help Fillory by staying with Eliot (’’You think I stay because of how deeply attracted to me you are. I love Fillory. It is my home’’ - S02E06) and losing her baby, the one thing she knew she could provide, was just too much; everything she was told to be and do she could not. 

This is why Margo giving her the crown as an Acting King in the end of S03 is HUGE. Not only she became the first crowned Fillorian (Tick never wore it) but it was also a sign for Margo to recognized that during season 3, she was learning how to heal and becoming her own person. Not Eliot's wife, but fen. There is this amazing moment where Fen says to Eliot that she can’t go to her old life and they are stuck together. This is both of them admiring their marriage will never work, but they promised to care for one another and they will. At least, they try. They do. 

If Julia showed Fen that healing of trauma is complicated but does not mean going toward a darker you, Margo showed Fen how to be her own voice. Not to be Eliot’s wife or Margo’s confidente, but Fen. Margo even let her lead the quest and make her own mistake before saving her from fraud (S04E08) because Margo knows that she would stay naive if she is never given the chance to do something on her own. Even more, when Margo learns that Fen wants to overthrow her, she trusts and know her enough that this is not a back-stabbing move but something bigger, and she accepts her fate in order to save Eliot, but also making sure Fen will be safe (’’I curse you Fen! But be nice to her!’’ S04E09) Fen will try to lead like Margo leads, being daring and trying to use her power to help; this is how her and Josh discover The Secret Sea in the castle after all. 

But then she gets abandoned in the past and learns that Margo had given up on saving her and even tried to kill her in the heat of a battle. While part of it could be forgiven (margo was wolfing hard let's be real) That is when Fen stop seeing Margo on a pedestal. (S05E03) She discovers that Margo, much like Eliot, has severe flaws. This doesn't mean that she will stop caring about her, but that she will be able to have her own voice when talking to her.

Season 5, now having a voice, she had to struggle just like Kady not to be the one in the background that nobody listens. If more than once she is ignored and that some of them are just cruel for no apparent reason when they need her she decide to say no. To call their bullshit and say that they would try harder to save Earth if it was happening on their planet. Eliot teaches her then what it means to have a voice and to be a hero; sometimes there is no perfect solution, just two choices and you take the less shitty. She learns there that having a voice is to listen to what other say and then put your own knowledge into the group instead of trying to do like Margo and stump on everyone with her idea. (S05E11) We see her during the heist episode, she use herself being FIllorian to insure her friend security (S05E12) and this confidence was totally new for Fen.  I don't think she would have been able to put her life on the line without what Eliot had told her before). 

Lastly, Fen wanted to be a mom. Losing her baby will be a trauma she will have to live with forever. But it is beautiful that, in a sense, she carried Fillory within her (i Mean literally) until it was ready to be hatched. (S05E12-13) FIllory 2.0 is her baby, she will be forever the mother of the land, forever linked with the history of the one place she loved and defended from the moment we met her. 

I love fen for all those reasons. Because sometimes, rebuilding yourself after trauma is messy and full of mistakes. But when you are ready to listen to your friends, to forgive and to stand up for what you believe, you can become a version of yourself nobody ever believes you could ever be. I am pretty sure if she’d go back to her dad, he would not recognize his daughter. This proud and self assured woman who, despite her trauma, seek to find good and kindness in people, try to forgive those who hurt her and also, fucking put fillory in her vagina. 

[valkerymillenia]

Binging on Young Justice

So I used to watch random Young Justice eps on tv and lightly followed the plot but I finally decided to binge watch the whole thing and I'm just loving it.

I'm currently halfway through season 3.

As a comic nerd I particularly like the way the changes are woven in, how rare characters pop up, how the intricate DC universe is slowly developed, and the lovely little nods to comic canon (ah, Mal wearing Superboy's 90's outfit on Halloween and telling Conner it's "superman done right", that one killed me) and some wall breaks and references to other media (I never laughed so hard as I did with the dark humor Doom Patrol Go skit *insert guess I'll die meme*).

Gotta say I really prefer the Kaldur'ahm incarnation to the Jackson Hyde version but either way I just really want more of Kaldur'ahm/Jackson in the comics (and show, been seeing too little of him in s03), he's such a good Aqualad. And an LGBT+ POC!!!

I mean, I like Garth but I prefer him as Tempest (I never really liked his incarnation of Aqualad in the comics), Kaldur is such a refreshing take on Aqualad and feels like so much more than a sidekick.

Kinda like the changes to connect Artemis and Cheshire, even if Artemis feels a bit like another Arrowette, still I find this dynamic a lot more interesting anyway.

Love all the Flashes and all the BatFam and just generally all the family and next gen stuff with everyone, it's pretty awesome. And Billy Batson!

Ok, maybe I just like kids and the mix of family stories with superheroes, in fact I squealed upon seeing baby Damien and all the kids at the playdate (Jon!!! Tornado twins!!! Traya!!!! Arthur!!!), although in that ep one thing annoyed me - Amistad, although hilarious, was too young since he should have been born years before, I very much liked the single-teenage-mom drama of Rocket in the comics.

And the fact that we actually get to see rare team-ups like the Super Friends or the Outsiders? And characters like Icon, Rocket, Red Tornado, Adam Strange, and other rare references? Brilliant.

Anyway...

I can see why season 2 took so many years to be green lit, seeing as season 1 was marketed as a show for children with the intent of making money out of the merch. Ultimately it was too complex and mature for what was being aimed and ended up appealing to an older crowd which is not bad at all but wasn't the intended goal.

Nonetheless, the end result was brilliant and I hope we get many more seasons now that the tone had been established and it's officially being marketed to the older crowd.

Personally though, I'd like a Justice League spin-off show too. The reason being that the cast of YJ has grown very large and forces the the writers to either focus on one group per season or divide attention so much that some characters end up neglected or robbed of development (which is what the comic adaptation was initially for! Filling in the gaps that we can often feel are there in the show, I'm not sure what's the status of the comic though, I need to check).

So, yes, I know there's been several JLA shows in the past already but my reasoning for a spin-off/reboot is that it would be cool to have two shows canon to each other but focusing on the two different teams (YJ and JLA), thus finally giving us a more complete JLA and allowing us to enjoy the two shows within the same universe. It just has so much potential!

Anyway, about season 3... I have to admit I'm quite impressed by the evolution of certain aspects of the show.

Despite the cast being very big and forcing our focus away from some of our fav og members, we do see an evolution in other aspects that were restricted by the age rating and tv rules before.

Season 2 itself already have us more politics and trauma than is usual in a kids show but season 3 breaks even more barriers- intimacy between couples shown more openly and with more subtext (heck, Jefferson and Helga in bed together), more detailed and graphic blood and injuries (I mean, the Victor Stone accident, for example, you'd be lucky to see a smear of red in previous seasons but in this scene you get blood, exposed organs, eyeballs, bones and brains, or, hell, just look at Halo's "deaths"), actual dead bodies and murders being shown (so taboo in kids shows that deaths were just mentioned or censored in other seasons like Tula or Wally as opposed to the Markov royals, Orm or Olympia Savage in this season), the mere fact that the "nuclear option" is even a thing, etc.

And let's not forget that although it's a pretty inclusive show for POC and women (even approaching subjects such as racism, xenophobia and misogyny before), there are certain types of representation that they only had the guts to show now- LGBT+ and religious rep, for example.

So the show as evolved but the change in broadcasting medium and DC policies between seasons also seems to have had a heavy influence and I for one love it but I also love that the first 2 seasons were so good for any age.

Anyway, I might add more to this once I finish this season (although I'm so aware of the comics that I know a lot off plot points that are going to happen already).

However, I already know that season 4 is coming next year so I'm already excited for that.

[alrightsnaps]

Your dislike for Clarke is inspiring. I haven't watched the show since season 3 I think, but I stopped liking her in season 1, so yah. Raven deserved lead.

Raven had the potential to become the sci-fi female lead.

An impoverished girl that grew up with an alcoholic, neglectful mother and managed to grow into a strong yet kindhearted woman? A downright genius latina mechanic that inspires admiration and respect and saves the day time after time? A disabled woman with chronic pain that simply does not know the meaning of the word give up, because she's a survivor that will always fight for her life no matter what?

She'd be fucking iconic!

Raven is simply too good to be true, and these idiotic writers reduce her to a side character they only remember when someone has to save everyone's asses, torture porn (which is absolutely disgusting) or shoving her with the next insignificant dude that joins the show as a love interest.

But it's not just that Clarke doesn't hold a candle next to Raven of course– though she sure as hell does not. I could handle a character I dislike, we all have one or two of those in every show. It's her sidelining every other character, constantly putting everyone (including Raven and Bellamy that are my favourites) in danger and betraying her people, constantly whining about how she never asked for power yet repeatedly stepping forward as a self-proclaimed leader (and fucking everything up once again) and never ever facing any consequences for her actions.

If you can believe it, I started watching the show more than biased in favour of Clarke. In favour of Bellarke. In favour of Clexa. (you know how hyped up all these are on social media!). As far as I knew when I decided to give the show a shot, it was a surprisingly good teen drama (that many compared to got.... I'm still laughing about that bit) with a badass bisexual lead character. What's not to like?

Needless to say that's....not how I found Clarke. Or the show. By season 3, her arrogance, insufferable entitlement and hypocrisy is so in-your-face I could hardly stand her. (Season 6 is downright comical in that sense, with the writers coming up with a melodramatic martyresque Clarke centred plot to make her come out as the victim, when in last season's finale she sent Raven to get tortured and Bellamy to die in a fighting pit. The lengths to which they'll go to avoid her actually facing the consequences of her actions never cease to amaze me.)

I guess it has to do in big part with how cw shows are in general– no in depth characters that merely serve as puppets to move an action filled plot forward, and zero logical consequence. The 100 feels like watching a Walmart version of the mess that were seasons 7+8 of GoT on a loop. A constant tell-not-show narattive– we'll tell you who's the good guy and who’s the villain, even though our labels don't make much sense as far as the characters’ actions and motivations are concerned.

For example, D&D decide that Dany is the bad guy and start hinting it since season 7, even though her actual actions up to 8x04 directly contradict it. So she's made out to look like an arrogant bitch for not giving some random guy free pass to her resources or agreeing to help him fight some fairytale ice zombies the moment she sees him, her killing enemies in battle after they brutally wipe out her allies is interpreted as some Mad Queen foreshadowing, her not giving North an independence they have no armies to fight for or the skills to negotiate for, is proof that she'll become a tyrant and so on.

And of course the double standards– Dany is mad and too eager to use violence for not mourning her lifelong abuser, killing rapists and crucifying slave masters after they did the same to literal kids, but Sansa and Arya are kweens for smiling after feeding her rapist to his dogs and massacring a room full of people and baking actual human beings into pies respectively. Daenerys shows the signs of a tyrant for executing the men that betrayed their liege lord and butchered their entire House after actually giving them a choice, but Robb barely an imperfect leader for doing the same to Rickard Karstark, without giving him much of a say in the matter either. (The list could go on forever.)

In the same way in the 100 (or in reverse I guess?) Clarke is supposed to be some heroic leader, even though she lets one of her own get executed for a war crime without even demanding (or at least trying to negotiate) that the same price is paid by the opposing side when it comes to their war criminals (especially since this was a war started by the grounders against a group of defenceless teenage refugees in the first place) all to achieve a fragile alliance (btw I'll never forgive the 100 for making me care for Finn McPlainface, whose scenes I could barely watch without falling asleep, but good god, was his death poorly handled. Are these writers ignorant in politics or plain stupid?). After they are betrayed by their ‘allies’ she abandons her people at a crucial time and then.....jumps into bed with the woman that forced her to kill her boyfriend, left them all to die and had her kidnapped (thanks for the quality sapphic rep cw– I hate it). She falls madly in love with her in the span of five days, immediately reclaiming her role as a leader without even asking the actual people she's supposed to lead (and that's just the first three seasons!).

But a hero and a leader she is.

Then there's, once again, the horrifically obvious double standards. How is it possible to blatantly judge your characters based on different standards even within the same season? Clarke can blow up 250+ of her own people to save her ass and nobody even learns about it, much less have her pay the price for her choice. She can literally get into bed with the enemy while insisting on playing leader without asking anyone, and there are no reprecussions whatsoever. But Bellamy’s s03 massacre of an army of people that had repeatedly chased, tortured, killed, threatened and attempted to massacre them repeatedly (and were once again doing that at the time of Bellamy’s actions), will be brought up again and again and again in future seasons because it makes him a Dark Character Beyond Redemption, which the audience isn't allowed to forget.

Or Pike– a refugee that witnessed countless of his own people persecuted and violently murdered by the locals from the moment he stepped foot on the ground is straight up portrayed as shady for distrusting them (never mind Sky people were once again threatened with a massacre at the time). He was literally paralleled to Trump by this hellish fandom (while mass murderer Lexa is supposed to be some Flower Power Badass Queen I guess) and shoved a shitty trope of the xenophobic entitled colonizer, straight up ignoring the show's context (how anyone could make the Skaikru/colonizers and grounders/Native Americans parallels with no shame is beyond me, but apparently some people have difficulty differentiating between colonizers and refugees, as if the two are even remotely close). I'm not excusing anything he did afterwards of course–he clearly went off the rails. My problem is the show portraying him straight up as the Bad Guy for holding actual democratic elections, while the privileged non elected elite that led them to the Mount Weather mess were supposed to be the Good ones. Much like Dany was the Tyranical Dragon Queen from the moment she set foot in Winterfell, because Sansa had prophetic abilities and could predict the clusterfuck of 8x05 I guess!

At the end of the day, I was a fool to trust any recommendations and take a cw show seriously.. if it weren't for Bellamy and Raven I'd be out of this mess loooooooong ago! I'll hardly last this season really, not when every episode is dedicated to praising Princess Clarke Griffin, Bellamy having turned into her hypnotised lapdog with no personality of his own, and her stans constantly attacking Raven for not kissing her ass and *daring* to hold her responsible for her actions.

[as-many-times-as-it-takes]

The Boy who Never Gave Up

I want to talk about something interesting from the fight in S06:E5 and the weight of all the episodes that led up to it that made it even more jawdropping.

For obvious reasons, it’s one of the most moving pieces I’ve ever seen in animation, and especially in the series. We know that Keith has been pushed to his absolute limits. But the extent of it is just amazingly portrayed in his reactions and, I believe, in the absence of his reactions as well.

It all begins with S01:E1: The Rise of Voltron

There isn’t a single Paladin or part of the Voltron crew that hasn’t experienced loss. They all have had their struggles and have grown so much from them. But fuck if Keith isn’t the universe’s punching bag through the first six seasons. In the beginning, he throws literally everything he has into a split second opportunity to rescue Shiro. Shiro, the only person who had never given up on Keith who was missing for TWO YEARS and reported DEAD and a FAILURE by the very Garrison that brought them together. Keith searched and struggled and mourned for Shiro for two years alone in the desert. But he never gave up. He became the Boy who Waited.

And it paid off. Shiro returned! Keith’s faith and unwavering loyalty were rewarded. Not only was he correct in his beliefs that Shiro was still out there, but it meant something even more important. Shiro had kept his promise. He came back. Shiro never gave up on Keith, just as much as Keith never gave up on Shiro. Fast forward FYI, this is a LONG POST beneath the break. But I promise it’s worth it if you stick it out with me. Though I’m not sure our hearts will...

S02:E1: Across the Universe Pushed to their limits while running from Zarkon, the Paladins are separated across the universe. While Keith is fortunate enough to still be with Shiro, he faces another dilemma: Shiro’s mortality and failing spirits with the insurmountable odds. Wounded, exhausted, and depressed Shiro asks the unthinkable of Keith. “Keith, if I don’t make it out of here... I want you to lead Voltron.”

You can practically /hear/ the explosion of emotions inside Keith. What the hell is he supposed to do with that!? Shiro can’t die, he just got him back! He didn’t wait two whole years lost and drifting on hope alone just to have him struck down and watch him die. And no way in hell was he going to lead anything! Shiro was the leader. /Shiro would always be there/ ...... right? Keith protests. He tries to shore Shiro up. He would do anything to prevent that future. He takes these fears and buries them deep inside and forbids them from being entertained in his thoughts for even a moment. Things work out this time, and Keith doggedly marches on. But this is a close call that cannot be so easily forgotten. Fast forward

S02:E8: The Blade of Marmora Finally reunited with Shiro, Keith suddenly finds himself free to deal with aspects of himself that he had shoved into a corner for all those years. How could he have had time to process these things while his best friend was lost? But no matter, he now had a chance to gain some answers with the Blade of Marmora. Now he had an opportunity to face down the resentment, fear, and sadness that was left behind when he felt that his family had abandoned him. Finally Keith had an opportunity to learn about himself and not worry 24/7 about Shiro for a few moments. And once again, the cruel joke returns. The very test that might finally alleviate some of his pain only stabs him harder. Not only is his unwavering faith for Shiro thrown back into his face like shards of broken glass, this time we really have his feelings bared for all to see.

This time it’s fucking spelled out in blood, sweat, and tears. Enemy after enemy, pain, wounds, exhaustion. It’s all bearable to Keith. Until Shiro appears before him. Just like when Shiro turned to Keith when he felt his strength fading, Keith desperately wants to see the man who means the world to him when his own strength falters.

Except this cruel mirage is meant as a test. Keith, who has dedicated his very being to Shiro, is given the option of: Learn about yourself, or Shiro will leave you. Keith resists. He tries telling Shiro how important this is to him. He pleads with Shiro to understand him and not to abandon him.

In his desperation, Keith bares part of himself to Shiro. He tells him how much he means to him in one of the only ways he knows how. Like a brother.... keep in mind, Keith is here right now trying to solve the puzzle of why his family ‘abandoned’ him. This statement means so much with so few words.

And yet when all fails, and he believes he will lose Shiro for good, hell even when Keith sees that it was merely a test, but he sees that the blade will still cause conflict and danger to Shiro, he gives it all up.

He is a Paladin of Voltron. His place is at Shiro’s side. If it means he will never know why his family left him, so be it. He would tolerate that pain a hundred more years then suffer one more day without Shiro. Even when he’s finally given the small gift of learning that he has Galra blood in him, it’s still just more puzzles and questions. Sometimes, it seems, the Universe simply laughs at him.

Fast forward

S02:E13: Blackout, S03:E1: Changing of the Guard, & S03:E5: The Journey This is it. Taking a huge gamble, the Voltron team finally faces off against Zarkon himself in an effort to finally rid the universe of this deadly madman. In the climactic showdown, the Paladins and every member of their team give their all. Exhausting every last ounce of strength, they are finally able to overcome Zarkon and put him out of commission. But this victory came at a terrible price.

Keith’s brokenhearted calls goes unanswered as the Black Lion is brought back to the hangar in silence. The airlocks open to an empty cockpit. Everyone is stunned and hurt. But none are more broken than Keith.

For the others, they lost a beloved friend and leader. For Keith? He had just lost his entire world. In the blink of an eye, the one person he held dear above all else was gone.

And still he didn’t give up. He became the Boy that Searched.

Can you imagine the pain of going through this same morbid dance all over again? Only this time, it wasn’t hushed military secrets that you could at least convince yourself were false. This was the middle of battle. Keith was /there/. But once again, Keith was alone. Of course he had his friends in the fellow Paladins, Allura and Coran. But that wasn’t the same. He cared for them. But no one would ever be like Shiro to him.

And so Keith turned to the stars, endlessly searching by himself while the rest of the team turned to carry on. It was important for Voltron to move forwards, mind you. But Keith could not move on. Perhaps the others could take the next step.

But Keith refused to give up.

But despite the fact that Shiro is completely irreplaceable, neither is Voltron and the rest of the universe’s needs are forced over Keith’s. Despite his desperate pleas and every last attempt to deny the possibility that Shiro will never return, Keith is forced to accept his best friend’s last wishes.

Despite his own pain and reservation, he carries on. It’s what Shiro would have wanted. He forcefully buries his despair and sorrow because even at the end of it all, he couldn’t dream of disappointing Shiro.

And, once again, Keith’s faithfulness and tenacity pay off. While carrying on the team, Keith still manages to find the time to search. And this time, /Keith/ finds Shiro.

S03:E6: Tailing a Comet In a painful parallel to Across the Universe, Keith has very little time to celebrate and heal. The Shiro that he’s found is battered and broken in body and spirit. Once again, Keith expends all of his energy into picking Shiro back up. He finally found him /twice/. This was a miracle in it of itself and if Shiro needed Keith’s strength to get back on his feet, then Keith would bleed out every last ounce he had. “They need you, you know.” Keith tells Shiro. But you can practically hear the silent scream behind those words. 

‘I need you!’

But, Shiro, and then the team come first. And Keith still cannot quite bring himself to figure out his own emotions fully let alone try to explain them to Shiro. So instead, he gives Shiro his vow. How many times will he come to Shiro’s aid before they finally see the end?

A powerful line that started this blog actually. That made me break my own silence of hiding in the background and watching the fandom from a distance. Because, holy shit this is so powerful.

As many times as it takes? What a simple way to say: I will wait for you until the stars fall from the sky. I will run to your side regardless of the danger. I will stand by you and protect you and uplift you when you falter. I will sacrifice what I have for your wellbeing and approval. I will search for you to the ends of the universe, and I will bury my heart and carry on in your stead to carry out your last wish if that is all I have left.

Fast forward

S04:E1: Code of Honour

With Shiro finally back, Keith has some much needed time to heal. Whether he suspects anything is wrong with Shiro, or if the awkward pseudo power struggle gets to him, the end result is the same. For the first time, he feels like he has to distance himself from Shiro. To start following the things that are important to him, but also as a means to center his universe back into the proper order. Shiro is the leader. If that means Keith must go off on his own, then so be it. But here, Keith is finally able to take a stand and ask for what /he/ wants. No longer terrified of losing Shiro, he’s able to start growing, even if it will mean they will be apart for awhile.

“But just know that we’re here for you whenever you need us.” Shiro tells him.

Not that the other Paladins are chopped liver, but that’s not what’s important right now. Keith says “I know /you/ are.” And while I might be taking it a bit too literally, Keith’s eyes certainly imply extra trust in Shiro, if not the entirety of that statement.

For the first time in a long, long time, Keith strikes out on his own to heal on his own terms.

But Keith was never far away....

S04:E6: A New Defender

When a horrible trap seizes Voltron and the rest of the crew and threaten to destroy everything they’ve ever done, Keith returns. With time running out and Shiro’s life on the line, Keith does not even hesitate for a moment to give the ultimate sacrifice. Knowing his own Galra fighter lacks anything near the stopping power required to see everyone to safety, Keith swings around and prepares a suicide dive without a second thought. For the first time, it is Shiro who has to face the cold possibility of going on without Keith. And if not for the timely intervention of Lotor, their story may have ended here.

Fast forward

S05:E4: Kral Zera

Once again, despite their separate missions, Keith finds himself never far from Shiro. When a bombing run set to destroy the leading figureheads of the Galra Empire suddenly threatens Shiro’s life, Keith risks it all to protect the one he holds above all others. His animosity towards Lotor and the rest of the Galra is thrown aside in a heartbeat. He risks his own life even as his fellow Blades abandon him to preserve the mission. But it doesn’t matter. Keith once again risks everything. He will never give up on Shiro.

Fast Forward

S06:E5: The Black Paladins

Finally we arrive at the end of it all. Haggar’s end game finally sees fruition as the unthinkable happens and Shiro is forced to turn on the team and flee with Lotor. With time running out, Keith throws himself into the Black Lion without a second thought, leading the charge with Voltron until even that won’t be enough. Convincing the others to break apart Voltron, Keith plummets into the wormhole that Shiro fled through by himself in an injured Black Lion. There is no thought of danger or anything else. He has traveled the universe and returned only to have the enemy try to steal Shiro from him again.

Only this time, Keith is ready. He has grown in every aspect. He is older, wiser, and has finally reached his limit. This time, /Keith/ is the power to be reckoned with. This time, they are afraid of /him/. There is no hesitation as he tears through the hull of a Galra ship to go after his lifelong friend.

Sensing a way to kill two birds with one stone, Haggar/Honerva sends Shiro away to draw Keith away to their mutual destruction.

“The Red Paladin’s connection to you runs deep. Deeper than the others.” She states. It is a weakness she will exploit to allow their escape and ideally cripple Voltron permanently.

And so Keith doggedly pursues Shiro to the remote hidden base where he is forced to defend himself against Shiro as his beloved friend turns on him with deadly intent.

Which brings me to the whole reason I started this long, long article. (And thank you to those of you who have stuck with it. I am getting to the point, I promise.)

I started the article with this:

“ For obvious reasons, it’s one of the most moving pieces I’ve ever seen in animation, and especially in the series. We know that Keith has been pushed to his absolute limits. But the extent of it is just amazingly portrayed in his reactions and, I believe, in the absence of his reactions as well. “

Despite Shiro’s dark actions and violence, Keith never ceases to attempt to communicate with him, which wears him down, little by little as he gives and gives and gives in his last desperate gamble to shave Shiro’s life.

It begins when Shiro parries Keith’s assault.

Finally, Keith reacts

Shiro remembers? The first hint that he’s still in there. Like blood in the water to a starving shark, Keith centers on that lifeline. Shiro is STILL. THERE.

And so Keith calls that out.

Keith remembers too. He’s never forgotten. This memory has kept him going for years now. This promise has stood out against all other things.

And Shiro replies with some of the most brutal words he’s ever said.

In a few short sentences, Shiro rips apart every insecurity Keith ever had. Keith’s feelings of abandonment and loneliness, his insecurities in his own leadership and his fear of Shiro’s disapproval; all things that he’s probably only shared in whispers to his only friend. A sacred trust of words that he could only share with the one he trusted, or even words that were never spoken aloud.

And yet Keith’s face never changes. He listens to the most bitter and cruel things the most important person in the whole universe to him has spat in his face and he never bats an eye.

In the face of despair. In the face of death, even death at the hands of the most beloved and trusted friend he has ever had, Keith refuses to give up. He would rather die at Shiro’s own hands rather then let himself be distracted when Shiro needs him the most.

And at the end of it all, Keith finds himself on the precipice of disaster. Struck down by the one man he has torn the universe apart for, he is forced to shield the last blow that would end it all. And it is here, after years of suffering and pain and dedication that Keith finally shatters.

What does he have left? Keith has given everything. He was the Boy who Waited. He was the Boy who Searched. He sacrificed everything he ever had. He buried his feelings until they burst. He has traveled his own hell a thousand times and beaten back impossible odds. He has suffered and wept, tearing himself apart again and again for the one man who never gave up on him. He’s risked his life and been prepared to give it before for Shiro.

So he gives Shiro the only thing he has left.

No. He’s said that before. He’s given that concession to Shiro.

And at last, Keith bares the very core of his essence to Shiro. This declaration of love was the last thing he had to give. Keith has lain down his time, his mind, his pain, his life. The very last thing he had to give was the one thing he kept buried away from everything else.

His heart.

And when the whole universe falls apart and everything around them is destroyed. When they both plummet towards the planet, Keith refuses to let go. At the end of times, if he cannot save Shiro, he will never give up on him. If Shiro will pass, then so will Keith. By his side, as he was always meant to be. As /they/ were always meant to be.

By itself, this episode was hauntingly beautiful. But when you pull apart everything that led up to it, everything that Keith has endured to get to this point, it becomes absolutely chilling. This is so profound. A friendship and dedication that transcends anything and everything. Commitment that runs so much more than simple affection.

Love

[snkpolls]

SnK S3E09 Poll Results (Anime Only Version)

The poll closed with 145 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note this is the anime only viewer version of the poll. Manga readers, please click here for the results of the manga reader poll!

RATE THE EPISODE 132 Responses

Another episode with mostly positive reviews. Only a few were unimpressed with the episode.

HOW ABOUT THAT BARRICADES ORCHESTRAL REARRANGE? 124 Responses

The majority of voters continue to agree Sawano continues to kill it with the soundtrack.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WERE YOUR FAVORITE OVERALL SCENES? 128 Responses

Rod’s titan face reveal was the overall favorite moment of the episode, followed up by Levi finding Kenny. Rod’s demise created a tie between the Survey Corps defeating him and Historia giving him the final blow. 

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WERE YOUR FAVORITE MC CHARACTER INTERACTIONS? 126 Responses

Levi telling Kenny he’s going to die was the favorite character interaction for anime only watchers. Followed closely behind that was Eren showing Armin that he is gaining his confidence back, and finally Eren realizing horrifyingly that he insulted Levi while calling Rod a tiny, old man was another favorite. 

HOW COOL WAS IT TO SEE THE POV OF A MINDLESS TITAN? 129 Responses

The majority of people definitely appreciated getting this new perspective.  We agree this was a really nice touch!

YOUR REACTION TO ROD’S TITAN’S FACE REVEAL? 129 Responses

45% of respondents thought Rod’s titan was awesome, but 47% thought it was disgusting or horrifying - we think it’s safe to say some combination of all three.

Horrifying for sure, but in an awesome way!

It was simultaneously horrifying and impressive.

Sexy!

Ugliest Titan ever to grace the fandom.

WHO DREW IT BETTER - ISAYAMA OR WIT? 128 Responses

The majority of people thought WIT’s simplified version of Erwin’s sketch was drawn better.

WHOSE GRAVE DO YOU THINK EREN WAS VISITING? 129 Responses

61% of respondents thought Eren was visiting Hannes’ grave, but there were also a few interesting thoughts below.

An old friend in the survey corps?

His Mother’s

His fathers

Marco

HOW MUCH DO YOU RELATE TO EREN PUNCHING HIMSELF? 128 Responses

This question is much more evenly split than it was with manga readers, with nearly ⅓ of voters relating to each category. 

HOW DID YOU LIKE THOSE THROWBACK FLASHBACKS FROM SEASON 1?

127 Responses

A majority of respondents enjoyed the throwback or thought it was surreal to see Season 1 animation alongside Season 3.  

I think the quality of the first and second season was great. Frankly, Season 3 has been a bit disappointing in comparison, because its scenes (for the most part) have been very simple without a lot of movement or detail (despite being animated and not a still image). I think S03 is the least visually-striking season so far, with minor exceptions.

It made me reflect on the overall quality of this season. While I don't think is a bad season, it's definitely a downgrade compared to the first 2 seasons. On the first 3 episodes, the show got me excited as the first 2 seasons, but after that its just not that much exciting anymore. I really hope it improves on the next arc, since everyone are saying next arc is the best arc

WOULD YOU ACCEPT HISTORIA AS YOUR RULER? 127 Responses

The overwhelming majority of respondents would accept Historia as their queen.

ROD IS A TINY OLD MAN. IS LEVI A TINY OLD MAN TOO? 129 Responses

43% of voters agree that Levi is not old. 42% are ready to pay their respects to Eren for even considering such a thing, even if accidentally.

Eren insulting Levi will be remembered for eternity.

WHY DO YOU THINK EREN WAS UNABLE TO CONTROL ROD’S TITAN? 127 Responses

Plenty of different theories here but the majority of people thing that Eren is just not able to access his full titan power, just like Rod said.

Eren cannot control titan shifters

I don't think he has a very good grasp of how to do it. Karate chopping the air and shouting "YOO TITAN PLS STOP" is probably not the secret to unleashing that skill.

Noble blood immunity

eren is a noob when it comes to using the  power of the titans

EREN WAS REALLY DOWN ON HIMSELF THIS WEEK, DO YOU THINK HIS BEHAVIOR WILL CHANGE MOVING FORWARD? 127 Responses

84% of voters believe that Eren will step up his teamwork game, but are divided on whether he will continue to be his usually bothered self or if he will find his chill more easily. A small 13% believe he will not change after his breakdown.

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT THE PARALLELS IN THIS EPISODE OF THE SMALL CHILDREN POINTING TO ROD LOOMING OVER THE WALL IN COMPARISON TO EMA DOING SO TO BERTOLT’S TITAN FIVE YEARS AGO? 129 Responses

Looks like everybody loves Isayama and his trios!

A little emotional

Childhood trauma! Yay!

They will be traumatised for life cos Rod was more horrifying.

DO YOU THINK HISTORIA WILL BE A GOOD QUEEN? 128 Responses

Overwhelming support for Historia as queen here, with a smaller portion of people believing she’ll be a ruler in name only.

I think she'll be very difficult to work with. She's strong-minded, but she's not a leader and she doesn't have the knowledge necessary to rule a kingdom. She has some foolish ideas and unrealistic expectations, and I think they are going to cause conflict.

I'm certain that she'll try her best

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT HISTORIA STANDING UP TO AND COUNTERING ERWIN ON HIS ORDERS? 126 Responses

Historia standing up to Erwin has overwhelming support from respondents.  

I expected it; she outranks him now after all.

I still think everyone is stupid for allowing such an important person to participate in battle. I was promised a real explanation for this silliness, and then Erwin was just like "Well I only have one arm so I guess you can do what you want" and I was angry at everyone.

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT HISTORIA CARRYING OUT THE FINISHING BLOW? 126 Responses

Mostly everyone thought Historia being the one to finish her father was super positive.

WILL KENNY USE THE SERUM? 127 Responses

85% of total respondents are certain that Kenny will not use the serum.

DISCUSSION QUESTION! HOW DO YOU THINK THE STORY WOULD HAVE CHANGED IF EREN HAD BEEN EATEN IN THE CAVE? 47 Responses

We enjoyed reading your responses and theories to this open discussion question:

Historia enslaves humanity like the biggest femme dom the world has ever seen

Historia would inherit Grisha's and Founding Titan's powers. If she would be able to resist the First King's will then Rod would be able to save humanity from the titans. If she wouldn't be able to resist the First King's will then Rod would lose another family member to the FT and the rest of humanity would get their memories erased.

Historia, with memories of the first king, would’ve probably erased the memories of everyone inside the walls

I doubt they would kill Eren at this point, so if he got eaten they would do something like the first season again (Eren "dies", but he is back because of some random reason), but that would be a horrible choice on the plot.

I think humanity would be screwed bc then Mikasa, best girl, would be too depressed to continue to help fight.

I thinking lots of shit will be avoided and more people would be saved I don't trust eren

Mikasa would've absolutely wreaked havoc, possibly even killing Historia. The Survey Corps would've had to fight Historia (assuming she got taken over by the First King's memories like Frieda and Uri), and maybe try to get her eaten by a mindless titan to regain humanity's 'ace'.

Mind control-->shit machine dismantled-->Ackerman/oriental rebellion

Things would have remained the same as it has always been for the past 100 years. Historia would have been controlled by the will of the first Reiss King. She wouldn't have saved humanity from the Titans and the Reiss family would have altered the memories of humanity and our main squad probably would have been caught and executed.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

The sight of Eren's Titan carrying the bomb was awesomely surreal.

Mixed feelings overall. It was an exciting watch at the time, but in hindsight, it still feels like they're cutting critical details for the sake of time. Rod was too easy to defeat and didn't really amount to anything as a character or a threat, and Erwin's decision to let Historia participate in the battle didn't make any sense. It looked like they opted to give us Eren's POV on that scene instead of giving us Historia's, and I think whatever she said to convince Erwin was pretty obviously cut. This is disappointing because it makes the characters look like fools for taking unnecessary, unjustified, and illogical risks.

According to the poll this was the best episode so far in season 3. I, personally, didn't like it THAT much, but I wager there will be even better episodes in the future. If WIT keeps the streak of really good episodes going on, then Attack on Titan will regain it's popularity in the West.

Best episode so far S3

Felt sorry for Rod in the end.  He was being more honest than I thought.

I wonder if erens titan will be recognised by the civilians in the future. If he will ever be considered a hero or not.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 110 Responses

Thanks again to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again on Tuesday!

[flower-of-the-desert]

2x03 Thoughts

I’ve finally started my rewatch on s02 (lies, I havent watched most of this season before so this is a first viewing) and I think I’m gonna do a post on each episode after seeing it rather than wait to finish the whole season like I did with s01. This is probably how I’ll operate with s03 as well.

Right, so overall I liked this episode quite a bit. It had many moments I totally adored (spoiler: whenever Magnus was on screen and telling dumbass shadowhunters where to shove it) and it introduced my favourite werewolf lady along with the beginning of one of the relationships I find most interesting on the show. So yeah, a pretty good episode all things considered.

Another thing that it managed to do, which I totally didnt expect, was to make me feel bad for Jace. Like I genuinely felt his desperation and pain in this ep and by the end of it I was rooting for people to just cut him a break already. Something that the whole of s01 didnt make me feel. Good job, episode, good job.

I liked the subplot with Raphael and Simon, mostly because it showed once again how much of a good guy Raphael is and how nobody fucking appreciated it (like father, like son). I mean yeah, he did sort of passive-aggressively used Simon’s mom to threaten him into finding Camille but he also brought her to a nice restaurant and made up a totally fake story about where Simon is so she wouldnt worry and drink herself into an early grave. Not to mention he’s been nothing but helpful since the beginning and making sure these idiots (read Simon) dont get themselves killed and in return got blamed for other people’s messes and blackmailed into doing Clary’s bidding (which may I add, resulted in Camille escaping and landing them in this mess in the first place) so yeah. Stop being dicks to Rapahel 2k18.

Jocelyn gettng told off at every turn was also very nice to see. First by Magnus and then by Jace (who had moooore than enough reason to tell mommy dearest where to shove it). And in general I wish the show would allow more shadowhunters to be called out like that because that was so fucking real and well-deserved?? It left me 😍 for a good 10mins afterwards.

Speaking of the love of my li- I mean Magnus, as usual he was the best part of the episode (you might as well get used to it, he will always be the best part of any episode fro me). Like I said, I loved seeing him going off on those idiots who pissed him off and seeing his devotion and concern for Alec was just heartbreaking (especially when nothing he tried worked in any way). Seeing him lose his cool and lash out was also interesting and my god, the way he dealt with Raj - gggaaah, that was so hot, I cant handle it.

And since we are on the subject, what IS that guy’s deal? I mean he seemed weirdly unconcerned that a fellow shadowhunter was about to die, even a bit gleeful? Does he have some kind of grudge against Alec? Now that I think about it, he was the guy who Izzy attacked to save Meliorn in s01, right? Maybe because of that? Anyway, I’m adding that to his incredible stupidity in deciding it’s a good idea to piss off the High Warlock of Brooklyn.

The last bit that I found interesting was the flashback with Izzy and Alec’s convo about being parabatai with Jace. I found that rather frustrating to be honest because of the implications it seems to give off. Like Alec tells her he cant go through with the ritual and Izzy realises that he’s in love with Jace... and then proceeds to list Alec’s good qualities and telling him he’ll find someone to love him completely someday. Which is nice and all, I guess, but doesnt really follow logically from the previous bit? Like what does Alec getting a new love interest at some point in the distant future have to do with his feelings for Jace now? That doesnt help him with his problem right now! I guess the point she was trying to make was that there are plenty of other guys he can fall in love with later on but he might never find another parabatai again which ok, fair enough. But the implication it gives off that I mentioned really annoyed me is that it treats Alec’s already existing feelings for Jace as less important than some hypotetical feelings he might develop for another person in the future. Which is bullshit. I guess this is the start of the show trying to retcon that Alec was never ~reeeaaally~ in love with Jace and to downplay those feelings as compared to whatever he has with Magnus (kind of hard to do when you keep writing Alec the way you are).

And onto the most annoying (and telling) part of the M@lec subplot so far - the kiss. *sigh* I dont even want to explain my issues with it. Do I need to? Like there cant be someone out there who sees this as a positive moment for the ship, right? I mean if true love’s kiss doesnt bloody work for your couple, then... what else is there to say? Yes, I know it wasnt as simple as that, parabatai blah blah but like come on. Do we really believe that if the writers really wanted to portray M@lec as this epic love story like fandom thinks, they wouldnt have found a way for the kiss to work? Or just did it anyway even if it made no sense at all logically? The fact that Magnus’selfless act of love didnt work but Jace’s did... that just says all there is to say, I think. And dont even get me started on the way it was shot with the literal darkness on screen that made sure there was nothing to see. Just uurh.

Other highlights include:

“Alec is like this because he tried to help me find Clary” - no, he fucking didnt, you lying manipulative woman

“The Clave can be reasoned with, werewolves cant” - ahahahahaAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

“Our side doesnt kill werewolves” - see above^^ reaction

“I dont like to be rushed” - HOT DAMN

“My phone died, amongst other things” - aah, vampire humour

[lucyreviewcy]

Game of Thrones - S03 E04

In this episode someone finally kills Crastor (it was Torchwood guy), Jaime Lannister falls off a horse but not in a fun way, and Daenerys fucks shit up. Like for real, she is ON ONE and I am HERE FOR IT. 

I have spent several episodes just wondering why anyone would let the horrible incestuous man who kills baby boys carry on doing those things. Like, legit, there are so many more fluffy jedi than there are of him ( I counted, there’s only one of him), so why has nobody just cut his head off yet? In this episode, someone finally had that bright idea, and all hell has broken loose beyond the wall. I mean it had already broken loose because of all the literal zombies (who IDK apparently die in cute little spirals or something - I found this episode hard to follow, in case that isn’t coming across.) I had also been wondering how Sam Tartlet could remain fat despite a diet of presumably snow and Mordor’s biggest export, Maggoty BreadTM. I doubt that particular query will ever be explained to me. It was good to see the fluffy jedi going HAM, although they sort of seemed to be going HAM at eachother which was not the kind of HAM I wanted but I’ll settle for it because I have no emotional connection to any of the fluffy jedi. Not even Samuel S Tartlets. 

The Jaime/Brien journey through hell with the techie from Tomb Raider continues. Jaime had his hand stuck to his jacket, then he fell off a horse. then Brien did a remarkable job of dismounting a horse without using her hands which I bet took multiple takes. I don’t really understand why Tomb Raider Techie is carting Jaime around if he is just going to progressively cause his death over time. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Like, surely if you want someone to die, out of convenience you’d just kill him there and then. Instead, they’ve got to give up a whole horse for him to fall off of, and collect its piss for him to drink. Like, can you imagine trying to get horse piss into a bottle? They’re putting a lot of effort into making Jaime’s life miserable, when all they really needed to do was ask what his character’s motivation was, and the pain of pondering that for an hour or two would be just as much torture as a mouthful of horse piss. Trust me, I've pondered it.

Finally though, shit gets real with Daenerys. I’d seen some clips before of her wreaking havoc with those dragons, and I was not disappointed when she started setting baddies on fire. GOOD GIRL! (Not that I condone setting anyone on fire in the modern day, please don’t do that.) I enjoyed the moment where they revealed that Daenerys has been able to understand nasty slave-trader the entire time. The “I do speak that language” reveal is always a good moment (it happens in John Wick , which is a collection of the best possible moments.) I knew Daenerys was about to get violent because Iain Glen, male gazer extraordinaire, was starting to look nervous and shifty. Iain Glen always tells you exactly how you’re meant to feel during a Daenerys scene. Thanks Iain, could you do some of that for any of the scenes with Jon Sneuh in because I’m pretty sure I’m not meant to feel “white hot rage” every time he appears. 

This episode had some slow bits that I wasn’t very invested in, Berys (Verys ?Nerys ? Maris ?) had some pretty overwritten dialogue in the scene where he told Tyrion how he lost his ‘nads and then revealed that the culprit was in the big packing crate he was opening. My main issue here is that the first recorded use of packing crates in the real world was in like 1930, so apparently while democracy, feminism and dentistry are much too complicated as concepts for Westeros to understand, its packing crates are about 900 years ahead of their time. I’m going to file this next to “Littlefinger’s Clipboard” in my list of poor design choices in an otherwise sumptuously designed show.