#give us back the OLD VELMA now

[aishabellasbigblogofeverything]

The Velma trailer having Velma say she’s the brains of the operation and Daphne’s just the looks, omg. As if their hatred for girly girls wasn’t clear enough. Deadass what did Daphne Blake ever do to them, other than be girly and be fabulous, that is? Why the needless “not like other girls” energy that we should have left behind in 2012? Why the needless shitting on feminine women and erasing all that Daphne Blake represents, Mindy? It’s like they completely missed the point of both characters because not only was Daphne smart, brave, brilliant, and skilled in karate--she just, y’know, also loved shopping and fashion and looking snatched as shit--but Velma would never say something like this! But I guess that’s what to expect from a radfem JKR bootlicker. Sigh. 🙄 

[aishabellasbigblogofeverything]

No fighting no fighting no FUCKING FIGHTING... 

Of course they had to make Daphne the spoiled and shallow mean girl just because she’s girly, completely destroying her character, which was meant to show that just because she is feminine doesn’t mean she is weak or mean or can’t still kick ass, and that characters shouldn’t be shit on for being girly, fashionable, glamorous women. 

And making Shaggy sympathetic through him being friendzoned by Velma...a lesbian...I have no words...and I also believe that they made Velma no longer a lesbian either...sigh... 

But of course you know the incels on Reddit are going to ignore all of this shit and only hate on the show because Velma is non-white...you just know it...iykyk... 

Shit. Hand me my receipts please, now. 

good lord

[gryficowa]

The weirdest moment is when you realize that "Velma", the cartoon that was hailed as "The Worst", handles its themes better than fucking mracolous

I can stand lack of logic, but recoining? I hate him

It's absurd, but seriously, at least "Velma" makes sense and there is cause and effect, which is not much in Miracolous

Even writing the characters makes sense, because in Miracolous they make no sense, they contradict who they are every now and then, in "Velma" at least the characters make sense, even if you want to murder them in cold blood, at least they put more effort here than Thomas in Miracolous

I know, I've been away from Thomas and his crazy shit for a long time, but it's not my fault, genocides (mainly in Palestine, but also in Congo and Sudan) are occupying my mind and I don't have the strength to blame a 49-year-old guy with a beard who creates a series on his knees and then argues that his work is perfect

I came back because something irrational occurred to me, that the worst HBO series is better in terms of craftsmanship than a series with a lot of fans (I used to be one of them…), whose creator doesn't give a damn about his work and that hurts, because cartoons are a medium, which are a vehicle of their times and the prevailing political moods (Because it is impossible to create without politics, being apolitical is more political than the creators themselves think, this is what Eurovision taught us, which did not withdraw Israel and other countries except Russia, who are guilty of genocide these days)

This series hurts because Thomas could have created something that would be remembered as an icon of his times, unfortunately, Thomas had other plans, as a 49-year-old he prefers to hate his character (Chloe) and justify the stalking of the main character (And looking at the fact that Thomas admits, that being a bully is worse than domestic violence and terrorism says a lot about the problems this man has)

The excuses that Zag didn't allow don't work, Dana Tarrance was restricted too, Alex Hirsch too, and are their cartoons poorly written? NO! These cartoons are an icon, something that helped people, limitations are often positive because creativity helps you get past them, so Thomas' excuse doesn't work, it's not Zag, you're the one who fucked up your show, it's you who can't write and create, don't blame others, mistakes can be excused in the games, not in the script, animation mistakes can be iconic when the series is well written, but if it isn't, there is no excuse

Here's my biggest problem with Thomas and the absurdity where it turns out that "Velma" is not the worst series because it is better written than Miracolous and is consistent

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Remus could hear the loud music from outside the building. Shit, the neighbors were surely going to complain. Especially the old lady from 5A who hated Remus' guts and thought a nice young man such as Sirius deserved a better "friend". Of course, Sirius was always polite with old ladies. They didn't know the actual devil he was.

Remus and Sirius moved in to the flat about a month ago. And they were already causing trouble. They had to have a Halloween Bash to inaugurate the flat.

"Uncle Alphard used to make parties here all the time" Sirius said "Surely the flat misses that"

"It's a flat, Sirius. Flats don't have feelings"

But of course Remus was weak to Sirius' puppy eyes. And they ended up organizing a party for Halloween.

Remus got a late shift in the Library, so he had to arrive late to his own event. Sirius had been texting him updates about what's been happening. The texts had gotten drunker and drunker as the night went on. Remus knew that because when Sirius was drunk, he couldn't type properly.

The music and screaming got louder as Remus got to their floor.

"Jesus Christ..." Remus whispered. What if the neighbors called the police?

Remus got his keys and struggled with the door, but it was opened by someone else.

"Remus!"

James' bright face appeared at the door. James usually didn't get drunk. He was the responsible designated driver. But James Potter didn't need a drink to be happy or cheerful.

"Where's your costume?"

The whole group had agreed to be The Scooby Doo gang. Remus smiled when he saw James wearing a skirt and a wig. He was supposed to be Velma.

Remus unzipped his jumper exposing his green t-shirt. He was supposed to be Shaggy.

"I was at work"

"Couldn't you be more creative?"

"It's Shaggy, I look great" Remus shrugged.

"Everyone is drunk" James announced.

To confirm this, Lily came running to hug him.

"Remus!" she even clinched to his neck.

"Lily..."

Lily was obviously Daphne. And she looked pretty hot with her costume.

"I freaking missed you" she sounded very drunk "I almost cried"

"I'm right here, love" Remus smiled as he patted her back.

"Lily, babe" James sighed worriedly "I told you to lie down and drink water"

"I'm fine... Pffft..." But Lily moved dizzily. James grabbed her arm "Oh hey..." she smirked at James "You look sexy with that skirt" she even slapped his butt "Nice legs..." she giggled.

Remus was amused. Sober Lily would never say something like that.

"Okay sexy lady..." James laughed "Let's get you a bit of water"

"I'm gonna sex you up... James Potter..."

"I think that is my cue to leave" Remus interrupted, as Lily melted into James' arms. James laughed.

"Where's Sirius?"

James pointed behind him.

"Terrace, smoking like a chimney with Marlene"

"Good"

Remus began walking.

"If we kiss now it might be lesbian...." Lily was saying

"Okay baby..."

"I wanna kiss a girl...Oi Remus! Where're you going?"

Remus just blew her a kiss and let her boyfriend took care of that mess.

Remus made his way through the party. He saw many familiar faces waving at him with fancy costumes. Frank, Alice, Dorcas' friends. There were too many people for their little flat.

Remus saw Mary dancing with Edgar. They were giving it all, even going down to the floor.

Remus bumped into Peter who was getting out if the kitchen. He looked really nice as Fred.

"Remus! It was about time... You're terribly late"

"Just got out of my shift" Remus said "And you're sober"

Peter nodded "I hate being drunk. I've been drinking water to balance it" he showed him the cup on his hand.

"You look great" Remus smiled.

"You look weird just with a tee. I think is the first time I've seen your arms"

"Very funny" Remus said "Sirius?"

"I think he was smoking..." Peter answered "God, he is terribly drunk..."

"Great" Remus sighed.

"Good thing he lives here"

"Guess who is going to take care of that wanker"

"Sucks to be you"

Remus sighed but began walking.

"We should take a picture later..." Peter said "The Scooby Doo Gang"

"Sure" Remus nodded.

He made his way towards the terrace when he heard people laughing very loudly. And he smelled cigarette. He craved one. The cool air hit his face.

Marlene, Dorcas and Sirius were sitting at the terrace floor. Laughing their butts out. Remus couldn't avoid smiling at that sight. While Marlene, Dorcas and Mary where the three witches from Hocus Pocus but hotter, Sirius was Scooby. He looked absolutely adorable with his doggy ears and doggy tail. He even had his face painted.

"Hello..." Remus said.

"Moooooonyyyyy!!" Sirius chanted, opening his arms for him like a little kid. Remus' heart jumped in his chest for him.

"Hello handsome" Dorcas smiled.

"Luupiiin, where's your freaking costume?" Marlene asked irritated.

Dorcas was the least drunk off them all. But they were still drunk.

"I'm wearing my costume" Remus gestured to himself.

Marlene narrowed her eyes "You boring!"

Remus shrugged. Dorcas laughed. Sirius was sending kisses to his boyfriend.

"Let's go, Marly" Dorcas stood up "Let's get ourselves sober before going"

"What? We're going?" Marlene asked.

"You're going?" Sirius added.

"I have training tomorrow morning and I think you're done drinking, babe"

"I just got here" Remus said.

"He just got here!" Marlene repeated but her eyes were closing.

Sirius was smiling and murmuring things to himself, dozing off.. Jesus, it wasn't that late. And everyone was already pissed. Remus wasn't a party person but he felt awful to have missed the first crazy bash in the flat.

"Come on, darling" Dorcas dragged Marlene to her feet. She kind of struggled getting up but she eventually managed to stay stable in Dorcas' arms.

"Goodbye bitch!" Marlene pointed at Sirius.

"Bitch!" Sirius answered pointing at her.

Dorcas smiled at Remus as they dragged Marlene "The flat is lovely Remus, thank you for inviting us"

"Glad you enjoyed yourselves" Remus smiled back.

When Dorcas and Marlene were gone, Remus noticed his boyfriend had fallen asleep. Remus felt a bit guilty. Sirius had been excited for the party. But Remus had insisted on not missing his shift. He really felt like he needed to contribute with the expenses. He didn't want to live in Sirius' apartment for free.

"Hey, love" Remus sat down next to Sirius.

Sirius opened his eyes.

"Moony!" he said and put his head on Remus shoulder "Where were you? I was dying without you!"

Remus smiled. It was even cuter if Sirius wore that costume.

"You were going to die of alcohol poison" Remus tutted.

Remus took the cigarette pack from Sirius' hands and lit himself a cigarette.

Sirius shook his head.

"I was guarding the whiskey because I know how much you like it...." Sirius mumbled "Everyone was trying to drink it but I was like: 'Nah, that's for my Moony!' And I was saving some for you..."

"You mean this whiskey?" Remus took the empty bottle from Sirius' hands.

"Oh! Where did it go?"

Remus chuckled "Inside of you, my love. I think you drank it all"

"No"

"Yeah"

"Nah ah..." Sirius shook his head. "I kept it for my Moony."

"Did you? Thank you..."

"I am a good boyfriend" Sirius smirked

Remus couldn't agree more.

"Yes, you are my darling" Remus kissed his forehead which made Sirius happy.

"Ah...yes... " Sirius smiled "On the lips now"

Remus obeyed and gave him a peek on the lips.

Sirius beamed "Scooby Dooby Doo!"

Remus laughed "I don't think Scooby and Shaggy kissed"

"Oh they did the dirt" Sirius nodded "They shagged like animals"

"A human and a dog?"

"Oh yeah... Doggy style" Sirius giggled "All the time"

"You are a fucking pervert" Remus laughed as he put his arm around him.

Sirius leaned to kiss Remus' neck. It felt delicious.

"We live here, my Moons" Sirius gestured around "I FUCKING LOVE LIVING WITH MOONY!!"

Sirius yelled so loudly that a few dogs around barked.

"Sirius..." Remus covered his mouth as he giggled "Shut up. What are you doing?"

"We're just mature men living in our own apartment" Sirius declared with his hands.

"Mature?" Remus raised an eyebrow "I think they are going to kick us out after tonight"

"Oh yeah?" Sirius asked "Well... FUUCK THEM!"

"Sirius..." Remus hushed him.

"FUCK THOSE ASSHOLES" Sirius added "Fuck them!"

"Okay..."

"We love each other" Sirius smirked

"Yeah"

"I love you!"

Remus giggled "I love you"

Sirius grabbed Remus' face and kissed him. This time for real.

"Oh you have the perfect lips to kiss" Sirius said. Remus smiled "Kiss me more"

It was satisfactory to kiss Sirius, it would always be. Even if he tasted like whiskey and cigarettes.

"God... I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!"

"Let's go dancing" Remus said to distract him. He was going to wake up the whole neighborhood.

"Dancing?"

"Yeah yeah, love. I want to dance with you"

"Yes... Okay" Sirius nodded eagerly.

Remus turned off his cigarette. And stood up.

"Come on, handsome"

Remus struggled to get his boyfriend to his feet. Sirius groaned and whined like a child. He looked dizzy because he almost tripped.

"Woah..." Remus steadied him.

"Woah" Sirius repeated with a laugh.

"Just grab on to me, Padsie"

Sirius smirked "I know what you want, Mr. Lupin..." Sirius poked his nose "Mr. Second Intentions..."

Remus raised an eyebrow amused.

"You want to be touchy touchy with me, eh?"

Remus laughed "Let's go inside, baby"

"Yeah I knew it! I knew it" Sirius giggled "You want to take me to bed" he winked.

They went inside and spent the rest of the night dancing and having fun with their friends. Sirius didn't drink anymore, he was only provided water. So he was getting more and more sober. Or maybe Remus was getting drunker. But they were still having fun.

"I love you so much I cannot breath without you" Sirius whispered on Remus' ear as they danced. It sent shivers down Remus' spine.

"I love you even more, my beautiful handsome prince" Remus whispered back

"This party is fun but I can't wait to be alone with you in our flat again"

"Ready to clean everything up?"

"Don't ruin the moment, Moony"

Remus giggled.

"I meant doing other things, perhaps"

He said in such way that it made Remus blush, and slightly horny.

Remus kissed Sirius lips sucking them and getting his tongue inside, making Sirius let out a soft moan.

"Later baby"

The flat was a mess when everyone was gone. It almost sunrise. James and Lily were the last ones to leave. After Lily puked several times, she was fast asleep on James' chest.

Luckily, Remus and Sirius didn't have much trouble with neighbors. Some of them knocked threatening to call the police if they didn't stop. Especially lady from 5A. But they didn't. Remus reckoned they wouldn't be much welcomed after this little event. But he was happy. It had been worthy. Remus had had fun with his friends and his boyfriend. Life was good. Remus was lucky.

"I am so tired..." Sirius sighed, placing his head on Remus' shoulder.

"Me too"

"I don't want to clean. I don't want to do anything..."

"Not even sex?"

Sirius opened one eye and lifted his head.

"Moony..."

Remus raised his eyebrows. 

"No..." Sirius shook his head "Not even sex. I'm knackered"

Remus laughed, and grabbed Sirius' hand.

"Don't worry, me neither"

Sirius closed his eyes again, dropping his head.

"Good thing the neighbors didn't complain"

"I guess they were used to Alphard's parties" Sirius said "They must've thought he was back from the death"

"Noo... Not his handsome evil spirit again!"

Sirius giggled.

"There will be more parties to come, Moony Moons"

Remus chuckled "As long as you promise not to drink like a wanker next time"

"As long as you promise to drink like a wanker next time"

Remus laughed and Sirius smiled. Remus didn't only want the parties. He wanted it all. The boring stuff, the domestic fluff, the fights, the stupid expenses, the cleaning after making a mess. Practically building a home with Sirius in that place. A home.

"Promise" he said, giving Sirius a kiss on his head "I love you"

"Love you more"

[broke-on-books]

I just ran out of tags... give me a second

I've been seeing posts about Scooby Doo popping up, so I thought I'd share this:

(Source: The Scots Magazine, Feb 2023) Full text below.

This actually happened. I am obsessed!

The passion! The energy!

Amazing!

Such signage!

(Images: Daily Record)

A brilliant effort all round! The children of Scotland saved a pop culture powerhouse the world would be poorer without. I can't believe this. I love this so much.

Text of the article:

FROM THE VAULT

Strange tales from the archives. This month – How furious fans of cancelled cartoon rose up in protest.

By CHRIS Ferguson, Jan 12, 2023 (The Scots Magazine)

THROUGHOUT the ages, principled protest has been a hallmark of youth – a rite of passage for many. Today it is Greta Thunberg and her army of teen climate activists, or Extinction Rebellion protesters, who make headlines.

In the 1960s it was the Vietnam War objectors and Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament believers who set out their political agendas.

In later decades young people swelled the ranks of those demanding an end to apartheid in South Africa.

They were at the barricades as then-pm Margaret Thatcher introduced the poll tax and back out again to try to stop the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

Another generation, too, had the courage of its convictions. In 1971, youngsters rose in anger at a threat to remove cowardly canine Scooby-doo from their television screens.

This was in February after the cartoon had been running for two years. Although the decision not to commission another series had been taken in the US, the BBC was the target of fans’ fury because it had to pass on the bad news to young viewers.

Within days of the announcement, an army of parka-wearing children sporting knitted jumpers and questionable hairstyles was formed.

Across Scotland children grouped together with placards, just like so many other worthy protesters before them. In Glasgow, the massed kids marched on the BBC Scotland headquarters and, in Dundee, they gathered in outrage in City Square.

Petitions were raised and demonstrations took place across the country and, by April, the BBC announced a further series had been commissioned in the US.

Legend has it these Scots Scooby fans had persuaded the American television executives to reconsider.

Hanna-barbera, the animation company behind Scooby-doo, never forgot the Scottish reaction.

A spokesman for the company said, “We’d never had a response like that before, it was very exciting.”

Beneath the main text of the article is an illustration of Scooby Doo and the gang accompanied by the pull quote: “An army of parka-wearing children was formed”

The title and byline of the article are also accompanied by a black and white photo of a boy in school uniform sitting with a little black dog in his lap, grinning and holding a sign reading "We've saved Scooby Doo" with an illustration of Scooby. The caption reads: Jimmy Brown fought to save the cartoon."]

[oldestenemy]

A Shadow comes to tear Land and Sky asunder.

The wizard does not like prophecy.

They have not liked it from the start, but being involved with more and more of them, even on the sidelines, has just deepened the distaste.

The Auroracle’s words continue to rattle around their skull as Polaris unfolds around them. Corruption and imprisonment running deeper than just Walruskburg. Through mines and camps and into the very depths of the world. Every time returning back to the witch’s house.

“You will accompany me to the Arcanum, wizard.”

The wizard is a little apprehensive of this, though Baba Yaga is—hypothetically—on their side, they get the feeling she isn’t telling them something. There’s something missing from her story. But then, considering Cyrus had been the one to direct them to her, of course she had her own secrets.

“I’ll be back soon,” They tell Mellori in the hopes that it will stay some of her frustration at being left behind. They don’t actually know if they’ll be back soon, but they will be back, they aren’t done here. “once we’re done here maybe I can show you the academy I was telling you about—”

“—wizard!” They give Mellori a last little smile, and then hurry to where Baba Yaga is waiting on them to return to Walrusk—New Penguinonia.

The Arcanum opens up around them as they step through the door—and they are struck by the realization that it is not a world as they had first assumed. It’s… some kind of—are they in the void between? Or just in the sky?

Their thoughts stutter to a halt when they turn back towards Baba Yaga and catch sight of an Aztecasaur standing by one of the many doors.

“That’s Komeka Roundhorns—they’re our potioneer—for goodness sake why do you look so distressed, we are in a hurry—”

The wizard swallows hard as Baba Yaga’s voice tunes in and out of their ears.

“Peace you old hag,” Komeka says with a slight smile, “I know of this one.”

That makes them feel even worse.

“I—”

“You don’t need to speak,” Komeka assures them, “there is no time at present—but come back to me another time, perhaps we can talk then.”

They want to speak.

They want to respond.

Want to scream.

But they are herded along deeper into what they are just landing on calling a ship by Baba Yaga. Past a librarian and straight towards an office decorated in Storm iconography. It seems the whole way through as though their travelling companion has been avoiding coming back here. Everyone is somewhat angry or bare minimum frustrated by the fact that she is only appearing now.

They tune in and out of the conversation until Ione Virga’s focus is solely on them.

Initiate.

Another title.

Another responsibility.

Another declaration of loyalty.

So here they are again.

Surrounded by people who think they are dangerous because of something they had no choice in.

And now they are wasting time even further.

Proving themself to people who will not listen to words.

But there is never any time for convincing. Push on.

Avalon is as bright and lively as ever, and it isn’t hard to spot the odd one out. Velma Von Venkman is draped in clothing the wizard would find more fitting in Marleybone’s moonlit streets than in the sunshine of Caliburn.

Still, she is less apprehensive than Ione, and that is welcome.

At least at the start.

“Have you ever heard of a sorceress named Morganthe?”

The wizard just stares at Venkman, as though she is joking. There is no trace of humor in the words or her expression. It’s an honest question, but not one they can even begin to fathom being asked. Heard of. Heard of?

But then, there is something…nice. They suppose.

About not being known.

So they do not answer.

They follow her through to the hideout in Caer Lyon. Cut their way through the runoffs from Khrysalis—who do recognize them—they are familiar with the spark of instinctual fear they can see in Ofiera’s eyes. Their appearance and spellwork traveled quickly among the ranks of the Umbra Legion towards the end. It’s not a surprise.

“Why ask us when the one who released Grandfather Spider from his prison stands at your side?”

Wayward Spider and his kin.

Child marked by the Raven and the Spider.

When Venkman drags them outside they know there is no avoiding it.

“You are the wizard who defeated the Shadow Queen?!”

They wince, “Killed,” they correct “yes, I killed Morganthe, I led the war on Khrysalis, I—”

“—Color me impressed,” Velma says, planting a hand on her hip “and here I thought I would be the dark and mysterious one coming from Darkmoor.”

What?

Who are these people?

“You’re from Darkmoor?”

“Mmm, yes and we had some terrifying bedtime stories about Grandfather Spider. I used to think all the stories about him and Raven were myths—but well, you’d know all about Myth being more real than anyone ever assumes wouldn’t you.”

That, out of everything, they can agree with.

~*~

If it’s true you defeated Morganthe.

If it’s true.

They are doing their best not to let the words of the Storm Scholar—and in fact everyone they have met here—turn them into a mess. But it is slowing them down if nothing else. They are fighting not to shake as they return to Baba Yaga.

But when she offers the same surprise as everyone else, it finally breaks.

“What am I supposed to say!” They demand, almost immediately cut over.

“Don’t bother answering—”

“—No, no, I am the one doing all of the heavy lifting here, I’m done until you let me speak.” The wizard says, “Am I supposed to walk around announcing every second that I ended the war on Khrysalis? That I let out Old Cob? That I’m part of the Council of Light?” They resist the urge to roll their eyes, “What good would it do anyone? I’m here. I’m helping. Just let me.”

It’s a relief to let some of it out. The pressure always building in their chest seems to ebb a little. They feel it as some warmth comes back to their fingers and are reminded that—especially around these people—they will need to keep a better handle on their emotions. No need to concern them with Shadow leaping out.

Baba Yaga huffs, staring down at them with a look that might be irritation but might—if they squint—also be pride? “You really are one of Cyrus’s students aren’t you, he always did end up with the most troublesome and stubborn of any bunch.”

Yes they are.

Stubborn and always ten steps away from trouble.

“There’s no time for all of this—we need to find out which one of Spider’s children is interfering in Polaris. And I’m stuck here now that everyone knows I’m back, so the footwork will have to be left to you—if you’re up to the task.”

Always.

Send them running.

Prophecy at their heels.

Read the rest of the series here <3

[sl-newsie]

Cool Your Jets- Ch. 12: Coming Home (Riff x newcomer)

Back on the streets, cops are still buzzing down every block. But I can tell the heat of the recent rumble is starting to cool off. Still, something seems… off. I don’t know what, but something inside is telling me something’s wrong.

And it’s proven right when I go back to the clinic and Josephina rushes up to me.

“Marilyn! Thank goodness! You just missed him- he kept going on about stopping the Jets! I don’t think the morphine’s worn off yet! Then he- he collapsed-!”

I hold my hands up. “Whoa, slow down Josie! What happened?”

She sighs. “It’s Riff! His blood pressure is dropping again!”

“What?! What do you mean? How did this happen-?” I feel my own blood start to drain from my face.

“The bullet must have hit a major artery near his heart. I’m sorry, mi querida. But we do not have the tools or skills to operate on that kind of wound.” 

She gives me a look of apology as if to numb some of the pain away, but it only makes me feel an empty, dizzy feeling of falling into a dark abyss. I just got Riff back, and now he’s slipping away again? I guess life really doesn’t want me to be happy. But I can’t show fear now. Riff’s worried enough, and he needs all the courage he can get.

“I’ll go sit with him, Josie. You get back to your rounds, don’t worry about Riff.”

Josephina gives a nod and walks back down the hall. “Thank you, Marilyn. I really am sorry.”

With that, I dash to Riff’s patient room and find him looking more pale than ever.

“Riff?” I say with an unsteady voice.

He tilts his head up from the pillow, and I can see fear in his eyes. But when he sees it’s me the fear melts away.

“Lynnie! How’d it go?” God, he sounds so weak.

I groan and start tear’n up. “God, Riff. I don’t understand how ya could ever keep those- those.. those barbarians in check!” 

I go to grab his hand but instead he pulls me in and wraps his arms around me. “Hey, calm down. Calm down. Now tell me, did they hurt you?” He gives me a worried look.

I shake my head. “No, they foist thought I was you. And I caught them… nearly raping Anita!”

Riff’s face hardens and his grip tightens. “They what?”

“They- they locked Grazi and Velma outside while they pretty much dog-piled on Anita! If I hadn’t gotten there when I did…” I choke down a sob as Riff rubs my back.

“Marilyn, I’m so sorry you had to see that. I-” He sighs and rubs his head. “I thought I’d taught them better. I promise, I’ll personally apologize to Anita and make sure each and every Jet gets punished.”

I nod shakily. “Th- Thanks, Riff. B- But Josephina said you’ve lost more blood. Are- Do ya feel ok?”

He frowns. “Um, yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?” Because you’re bleeding to death. Riff lifts my head up and thinks for a minute, then says: “Marilyn, are you happy here?”

Huh?

I tilt my head. “What do you mean?”

“Marilyn Jackson, would you be will’n to put up with me out west?”

I gasp. “Out west? But Riff…” I gesture to the buildings around us. “This is your home, all you have left. Why would you wanna leave that?” In the condition you’re in you wouldn’t even make it to the train station!

Riff sighs and looks me dead in the eyes. “I’ve always known that eventually my home would crumble away. Yeah the Jets’ve gotten me through tough times, but they ain’t gonna be around forever. Besides, with all the violence and-” He chuckles. “Near-death experiences, I think it’s time to settle for good and actually do someth’n with my life.”

If it weren’t for Riff’s life slipping away by the second I’d think of this heartwarming scene very differently. But I gotta stay strong.

I smile at this, and grasp Riff’s hand. “So, I actually did talk some sense into you, Jet Boy.”

“Sure did, beautiful. So whaddya say- mind if I tag along with ya?”

The thought-a spend’n life with Riff out west sounds… like an adventure. One that I might be able to handle, away from violence and old memories. I’ve only known him for a short time, but I can tell he’s… different. Maybe he could've put all this Jet business behind him, if only he wasn’t dying.

“Riff.”

“Yeah?”

“I think it’s clear that I care for ya, with the whole ‘save’n your life’ bit in the warehouse. I think I can trust you, and you’ve shown me that life don’t have to be about look’n forward all the time. If you’d told me last week that I’d fall for a gang leader, I’dve said you were crazy! But now… now I think I wanna spend my life with you, Riff Lorton.” At least what’s left of it. “If that’s what you want.”

Riff’s smiling. A bright, wide smile, while his eyes show no more fear or anger- only bewilderment and devotion.

“Lynnie, I’d take a hundred bullets to be with you!”

I push his chest. “No, no! We don’t need that- we just got you patched up, and now you’ve lost so much blood-!”

He ignores this and swings me down for a deep kiss, and all I think about is Riff. The stubborn, cocky Jet Boy that I’ve grown to luv so much. And he’s dying.

“Ya fell for me, didja beautiful?” He smirks after he pulls away.

I smile and nod back. “Yeah, I fell hard. But right now, Riff, I- I’m scared.”

Riff frowns. “Why, Lynnie?”

Biting my lip, I try to think of the best way to phrase my next words. “Riff, you’re- you’re-” My nerves get the best-a me and I lean into Riff’s shoulder with fresh tears glistening down my face. “You’re dying!” I sob softly.

The Jet leader considers this, then slowly looks down to his dressed wound. “Not all patched up, huh?” One might think he’d expected this.

“The- the bullet went deeper than we thought. And Josephina says we can’t do more to help it.” I shake my head. “How can you be so calm? You’re dying and you’re just- just- smiling?”

The Jet boy is, in fact, smiling. A carefree smile directed at me, as if I’m the morphine keeping him alive. At first he doesn’t answer. He just nuzzles his head against my chest and gives a deep sigh.

“Marilyn, I couldn’t think of a better way to go. My only regret is leaving you. I’m so sorry…” 

“B- But you’re in pain, lying in a bed in a gray, dim-lit clinic room. How could this possibly be any good way to go?” I hiccup a sob.

Riff shakes his head and presses a kiss to my cheek. “It doesn’t hurt, Lynnie. And I don’t need any fancy room to die in. You being here is plenty enough. I luv you so much…”

He starts to fade out, and I start to panic.

“Riff? Riff? Oh, God. No no no! I can’t lose you again!”

Riff smiles, eyes still closed. “Don’t miss me too much, Lynnie. Go. Live your life out west. Just don’t forget me.”

I can feel his pulse slowing by the second, and more tears start spilling down my face as I clutch his hand. “I will never ever forget you, Gariff Lorton. You’s changed my life forever, and you're the only man I luv.” I pull him in for another kiss, this one slightly desperate and melancholy.

Riff lets out another heavy sigh. “I… I luv you too, Marilyn…” Then, the Jet leader lets out his last breath and his body releases all tension. His hand goes limp and lets go of mine, a sure sign he’s passed.

“Riff? Riff? RIFF!” I scream and sob into his chest as I pull his body closer. But he doesn’t wake up. He’ll never wake up again, even after I tried so hard to save him.

Lifting my head, I no longer see Riff. Only the shell of what’s left of him. I set the body down, giving him one last kiss on the forehead.

“Close you eyes, close your eyes

And forget all about us tonight…”

The door bursts open and Josephina rushes in. When she sees Riff’s body, she nearly lets out a scream.

“He’s dead,” I state with cold eyes.

“Please, mi querida! You need to have time to process this, maybe outside-?” Josephina tries to lead me away, but I hold my ground next to Riff's bed.

“Leave. Let me be,” I whisper as a single tear rolls down my face, my eyes glazed from shock.

“Marilyn, please-”

“Leave!” I shout in her face.

“I would, but the police are outside! I’m trying to warn you to go out the back!”

An hour ago I would’ve jumped up and dashed out the door, but now it’s as if my mind has wandered elsewhere. All I can think of is why did Riff have to die so young, in a city that promises new chances and bright futures but instead delivers cruel humanity and shattered dreams?

Josephina ignores my blank face and drags me away from Riff’s body, down the hall, and to the back exit. When she pushes me outside the cold air slaps me in the face and shakes me out of my daze. By now I can make out the sound of sirens in front of the building.

“Go, go! I’ll take care of the body, don’t worry!” The kind nurse assures me. “They’ll never know you were here.”

I give a stiff nod. “Thank you, for everything. Just please, please make sure he gets a proper burial?”

“I will.”

She gives me one last hug before heading back in, leaving me to fend in the streets. Streets that seem darker, colder, and far more lonely. 

What now? I guess I’ll walk back and get ready to leave. Where? Out west, I suppose. There’s nothing left for me here but gang violence, broken dreams, and painful memories. This place seemed decent at first, with a nice neighborhood with kind friends. Until I met Riff, and a whole new world of taking chances and seeing poverty as freedom was opened up to me. Love was opened up to me.

I don’t know how far I’ve walked, only that any random bum who’d try to rape or mess with me would feel every measure of my contained wrath. I’m not mad, just frustrated. And sad. But I do see now that I’m near Doc’s, a part of the torn down part of the West Side.

“Chino! Chino! Come get me! I’m right here!” I look down the street and see- Tony? “Don’t leave me here. Chino, kill me! Kill me too!” He walks out of my sight. He’s just walking around openly, as if posing as a human target.

Tony, what are you doing-?

Oh. Maria. That’s why he’s willing to die. After seeing Riff pass, a part-a me can’t blame him.

But just because a luved one dies doesn’t mean we should kill ourselves, though I do feel a part-a me died along with Riff.

I see Tony pass in front of me just before I get out of the alley, and when I look out I can see a bewildered look spread across his face.

Wha-?

I gasp. Maria?

It is her! Alive and smiling! She’s got her suitcase and is walking towards Tony with a big grin on her face, just like the ending of a fairy tale! But then-

Her face falls, and in a split second I see Chino step out into the street, pointing a gun at Tony’s back.

It all flies so fast.

I don’t think, I just sprint into the street between Chino and Tony, just as Maria screams over the gunshot that rings out throughout the night. Tony looks down at himself, but sees no wound. He looks at me-

And sees the stain of red blooming across my shirt and the blood dripping down my legs.

It doesn’t hurt. No, dying doesn’t hurt. Just like Riff said. It’s… calm. Like drifting off to sleep.

By now Tony and Maria have rushed over to kneel next to where I’ve fallen, trying to address my wound.

Tears are already forming in Maria’s eyes. “Dear God, Marilyn! You saved him!”

I try to sit up more and cringe as the bullet pinches my skin. “You both deserve a happy ending. God knows I’ve tried to move on, but I think everything I’ve done has been leading me up to this.”

“Marilyn?”

By now more Jets have shown up, Mouthpiece being one of them and is now rushing towards me with a look of pure horror.

“What the Hell happened?” He looks between me and Tony. “What the Hell happened, Tony?”

Tony holds a hand to his face and says in a quiet voice: “Chino tried to shoot me. Marilyn took the bullet.”

“It’s ok, Mouthpiece.” I lift my shaking hand and take his, and he grips it tight. “Don’t be mad. No one should be mad anymore.” I look over at the crowd of Jets and Sharks forming down the street.

“I think you've made your point now.

You've even gone a bit too far to get the message home.

Before it gets too frightening,

We ought to call a halt.

So, could we start again, please??

The Jets and Sharks look back and forth at each other, both gangs having guilty faces.

“What made you do that?” Tony asks in a soft voice.

I try to shift to a comfortable position on the pavement without losing more blood, looking between the two luvers. 

“You both have something special. Something Riff and I had. He’s dead now, but if I can prevent the same from happening to you then I’d take a hundred more bullets. At least now I can go see Riff, and my parents. At least now maybe I’ll be at peace…”

I start to feel more light headed, drifting from side to side. Mouthpiece sees this and helps Maria lay me down gently onto the pavement using Maria’s shawl as a pillow.

“God, Marilyn. I’m so sorry it had to be like this.”

“Mi querida, you will always have people here who will love and remember you.”

“It’s ok. You don’t have to worry anymore-”

Their voices fade away, and are replaced by silence. The dark streets and dim city lights melt into black nothingness. I go to lift my hand to test my vision, only to find I have no body anymore. But I know I shouldn’t be afraid. Instead, I feel… calm. A spot of light begins to bloom ahead of me and I can feel myself going forward towards it, the light growing brighter.

“Hiya, Lynnie!” I hear from the bright spot of light.

I’m coming home, Riff...

[lavendercrow136]

Tell me this isn't goodbye love, part 5

When we eventually arrived at the pumpkin patch, Larissa parked the car. We made our way inside, and Larissa sat me at a picnic table while she went and bought our tickets, Wednesday and Enid sat with me admiring the fall foliage. Vermont as a whole was beautiful this time of year, but Burlington was a whole other level of colors for fall, it was a kaleidescape of color and the sun illuminated it all beautifully.

Wednesday snapped a picture of me with her old vintage camera,and I smiled startled by the flash. Larissa walked up behind me placing her hands on my pregnant belly and kissed my cheek, Wednesday snapped another picture. I laughed and Larissa kissed me, and I remember for a moment this being the happiest I had felt in a long time.

Larissa kissed my cheek again and passed Wednesday and Enid their tickets, and then me my own. I slipped it into my pocket, I looked at the tickets and smiled,

"Darling it says you bought the haunted hayride and house experience package followed by pumpkin picking"

Larissa smiled,

"It's your favorite holiday, your favorite time of year. The least I can do is allow you a bit of fun, I can run it by Dr. Cosgrove if you like love, but I hardly think anyone has been ever scared into having a child"

I smiled,

"Alright Darling only if Dr.Cosgrove says it's okay"

Larissa smiled and went and called Dr. Cosgrove quickly, she came back giving me a thumbs up, and we made our way to the que line for the haunted house.

Wednesday smirked at Enids nervousness and kissed her cheek,

"Baby it will be alright"

Enid blushed and moved a strand of hair out of her face. When it was our turn to go through the haunted house, Enid and Larissa went first both of them jumping and screaming, while Wednesday laughed.

Once we were out of the haunted house, we got some fried dough and hot chocolate from the food trucks and sat by the fire. Wednesday took pictures and we all talked and hate happily, Enid had all in hysterics,

"It wasn't so bad, Larissa you were so scared, that didn't scare me at all"

Wednesday teased Enid,

"Oh really sweet heart, is that what you were doing? Dancing for joy"

Enid playfully slapped Wednesday laughing and Larissa smirked. I leaned against my wife, and smiled she grabbed Wednesday's camera and snapped a picture of them.

"Weems, your chariot to he'll awaits"

A man in a skeletal masked announced, Larissa waved and we made our way over to the hayride. We climbed aboard and he drove us about twelve miles through dark forest with minimal props and a few scares. When the wagon came to a grinding halt,

"Alright get off"

Larissa looked at him shocked,

"I'm sorry, but this is not the end of the hayride and my wife is pregnant"

The man dragged me by the elbow,

"Don't care, not about to get all that blood on the wagon"

I panicked grappling with his arm,

"Please God no, no no no"

Larissa and Wednesday and Enid joined me outside of the wagon, and he sped off back the way we came. Suddenly we were completely alone in the dark, Wednesday and Enid and Larissa pulled out their phones for flashlights to help guide us.

We began to walk slowly through the woods on the path, when we heard it the all to familiar sound of heavy foot steps on crunching branches and leaves. Enids class instinctively came out and Wednesday grabbed me,

"We, we need to go right now"

Laurel Gates and Tyler Galpin stepped out of the forrest, Tyler in his Hyde form and Laurel in all black and a skull mask.

I grabbed Larissa’s hand, and Laurel sneered,

"Isn't this all so touching, the Scooby-Doo gang reunited again"

Tyler snickered his beastial forms teeth showing his lips curved in a snear, I whimpered my hands covering my stomach protectively.

"Do you see it baby? Scooby-Doo herself, Velma Dinkley the detective, Fred and a very pregnant Daphne"

Larissa shielded me with her body protectively,

Wednesday pulled a knife ready to fight, Enid already began to shift.

Larissa snapped practically snarling,

"What do you want from us?"

Laurel smiled sadistically,

"Oh that's so sweet so vicious protecting your little family, your school and all your little misfits. How cute, and so predictable of you Larissa. But that is the question isn't it What do I want? Tyler baby do you know what mommy wants"

She kissed his transformed face and he made a sound akin to a purr. Wednesday winced, Laurel smiled again and turned her attention back to Larissa, her voice radiating venom,

"What I want dear Larissa, is to cleanse the world of every freak and mutant like yourself, starting with your wife and you unborn children"

Tyler rushed us and Enid pounced on him clawing and fighting him, Laurel charged Wednesday and Larissa and she swung a blade at them wildly. Larissa looked at me frantically,

"RUN Y/N RUN"

I tried and Tyler cut me off after throwing Enid against a tree knocking her unconscious, he scooped me up and held me by my throat.

Wednesday dropped her knife and Larissa stilled seeing me be choked by the hide, Laurel caressed Larissa’s face with the blade.

"Tell me Larissa, do you know exactly how long the human brain can last before it shuts down and ceases function?"

I gasped struggling with the Hydes clawed hands, sputtering like a drowning victim for air. Larissa whimpered ,

"Please don't hurt her, tell him to stop Laurel please-"

Laurel made a quick gesture and the Hyde tightened its grip,

"Wrong answer Larissa, that's not how this game works,I'll repeat the question since I heard cognitive function slows when the mind is presented with stressful imagery. And surely"

She laughed,

"Seeing your pregnant wife suspended by her neck suffocating is stressful? I'll say it slower, how long can the human brain last without oxygen before it shuts down completely?please feel free to take all the time you need after all it's not your life on the line yet, feel free to phone a friend"

Larissa racked her brain and Wednesday spoke up,

"THREE MINUTES, ITS THREE MINUTES"

Laurel clapped slowly, mockingly, she leaned over at Wednesday very good. She made a flippant gesture and Tyler sat me down, and I gasped for air.

Larissa’s eyes met mine and she cried, and I felt the babies riggle in my stomach,

"We're okay baby, we're okay"

Laurel laughed,

"Such a touching display, larissa go to your wife"

Larissa crawled to me and kissed my face tears falling down her face she touched my belly feeling the twins and she relaxed. While her body shielded my own I speed dialed Galpin, he could hear everything and was tracking the signal.

"Why me Laurel? Why us?"

Larissa asked emotion strangling her voice,

"Oh my God you really are fucking dense, you were there that night my brother died, at that pathetic fucking Academy you never left, you all deserve to die"

Larissa shook her head. Wednesday stood screaming at Laurel,

"YOUR FATHER FORCED YOUR BROTHER TO BEING NIGHTSHADE POISON TO A DANCE TO KILL AN ENTIRE SCHOOL OF STUDENTS AND FACULTY BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T HUMAN, AND WAS KILLED BY MY PARENTS IN SELF DEFENSE"

Laurel back handed her with the blunt end of the knife, and Larissa rushed Laurel, Tyler swatted Larissa away from Laurel like a fly her head slamming against a rock rendering her unconscious.

I screamed, Laurel tilted Larissas head with the toe of her boot ,

"You just don't die do you?"

She kicked Larissa in the head and smiled, when her breathing had all but stopped.

"There much better"

I screamed in agony,

Wednesday stabbed Laurel in the chest hitting her heart and she collapsed aspirating on her own blood. Tyler shifted back to normal, he grabbed his own head pulling at his hair.

"Laurel no no no, honey wake up, p-please I need you"

Wednesday pulled Enid to her chest and she woke up, grabbing her head, Galpin arrived not long after Laurel had fallen dead. As soon as her arrived he trained the gun on Tyler, Tyler looked at him teary eyed.

Tyler moved not even an inch,

"Don't make me shoot you son"

Tyler made for it to run and Sheriff Galpin shot him in the head. I crawled over to Larissa and began CPR,

I slapped her chest ,

"Don't you die on me again, Don't you fucking die, WAKE UP! LARISSA WAKE UP"

The emts took over when I got there, they drove us all to the hospital they held me down while they checked the babies vitals and administered a sedative that wouldn't harm the babies and knocked me out.

When I came too, I asked for Larissa’s room at the head nurses station. I arrived at her room and Enid and Wednesday were sitting there reading to her,

"H-how long have I been out?"

Wednesday looked at me and spoke with a split lip,

"Eight hours, I called your Mother and she is on the way"

I nodded my head,

"What about Tyler and Laurel?"

Enid supplied the response this time,

"Dead"

I looked to Larissa and took her hand, I kissed her forehead a small cut stitched on her forehead from where her head collided with the rock.

Wednesday spoke up behind me,

"She is in a coma, the doctors don't know if she'll wake up"

I sobbed, and shook my head,

"No, no , no honey don't do this to me again...please wake up baby, wake up please. Please wake up"

I crawled beside her in the bed, careful not to put pressure on her. My mother arrived and she was crying, she kissed my cheek, and squeezed Larissa’s hand.

I stayed there for days, doing anything I could to wake Larissa up. I sang to her, read poetry and books to her, kissed her, she wasn't waking up. I held her hand leaning over the side of the bed,

"Baby please, please wake up. We need you, I'm so scared, our due dates tomorrow, please honey I need you"

I pressed her hand to my abdomen, when the doctors walked in and the twins kicked extremely hard.

I screamed in pain, what I thought had been a kick had been a contraction, my water broke. I hit the emergency button and the doctors rushed in.

"Okay y/n we need to take you to the delivery room"

I shook my head,

"NO NO I WON'T LEAVE HER, DO IT HERE I WON'T GO"

Dr. Cosgrove entered the room,

"Y/N, we can do it in here, I need you to calm down and do your lemaze breathing, do you remember the technique?"

I nodded my head, and she sent the nurses and other doctors to gather the supplies she scooted my bed closer to Larissa’s and helped me into a hospital gown.

She got me hooked up to Monitors and into the bed, I was capable of holding Larissa’s hand from my hospital bed. When my contractions were no more then a minute apart and the first of the twins began to crown and I was fully dilated it was time to push. Dr. Cosgrove looked at me,

"It's time to push Y/N can you do that for me"

I nodded screaming as I bore down with all of my might, I screamed and cried for Larissa,

"LARISSA PLEASE WAKE UP"

I pushed once more and screamed till my voice was raw, when the first twin arrived instantly crying. The nurses took him, and cleaned him up, and I pushed as the second baby was ready. It slipped out no problem, in a matter of moments I lossed consciousness.

Larissa POV:

I awoke to the sound of infants crying near my hospital bed, I looked over to see my wife unconscious and bleed8ng profusely. I stood unsteady shaky feet, I seized her hand and kissed her hand,

"Darling please, please wake up"

I sobbed smoothing my lovers hair out of her face,

"Please wake up Y/n come back to me honey please darling , I can't do this without you, please wake up"

Dr. Cosgrove had the nurses drag me away from her and I heard minor bits and pieces,

"SHES NO BREATHING GET ME A CRASH CART CLEAR, ALRIGHT AMP IT UP AND HIT ME AGAIN CHARGING NOW, CLEAR"

I slumped against the door way and it was like everything was in slow motion, they cleared the room,

"Larissa we need you to call it, we need the T.O.D"

I shook my head no, repeatedly, I shoved them out of the room to leave me alone with her I locked the door. And I closed the curtains, I kissed my beautiful wife's face and I recalled her earlier statement from before the pumpkin patch.

"I'm a half vampire psychic"

I stood up and grabbed a scalpel gently cutting my arm a small cut and squeezed the blood into her mouth.

"Don't you fucking die on me y/n, don't you die, tell me this isn't goodbye love you fucking tell me"

I closed her mouth, and charged the shock pads again and shocked my wife myself, giving it one last try.

End of Larissa’s POV

I gasped springing up from the table and clawed at my throat, it burned, I was so thirsty . The lights and the sounds of the hospital were so bright, and the only thing that kept me steady was the feeling of Larissa’s arms wrapping around me and her shaky crying breaths she kissed me softly repeating over and over how much she loves me.

"The twins are okay they are healthy, I'm gonna let the doctor back in now"

The doctors filed and looked Larissa and I over and when they had cleaned us up, and cleared us they brought the twins in . Larissa and I each held them,

"Hello my baby boys, hi were your mommys"

Larissa smiled and kissed my forehead,

"What are we going to name them?"

I smiled,

"I was thinking Tristan and Oliver"

Larissa smiled and kissed me,

"They are perfect, so which am I holding darling?"

I smiled,

"That's Oliver and this is Tristan"

Larissa nodded, we spent the evening sorting on the babies, I fed them both while Larissa supported me.

We were happy, and safe, and for the first time in a long time we could relax because all of those who had wished to do us harm were dead. When we were finally cleared we took the boys home, and Larissa came and got us from the hospital the day of Halloween our boys went home in their first Halloween costumes-pumpkins. Enid and Wednesday had picked them for us and had them dropped off with a note that said,

"You still got to pick out your pumpkins"

We had just set the twins down for the night after a bath, and feeding, when Larissa had rolled up her sleeve reveling a freshly done tattoo next to a cut that would surely scar and was stitched shut. The scar looked like a question mark.

"I remember what you said to me y/n, at my funeral, and those words stuck with me even yesterday when I was fighting to bring you back and I couldn't wake you up, but then you did and I was relieved. Do you remember what we said?"

I shook my head, I couldn't remember it seemed so far away, Larissa kissed me and removed the bandage that was hiding the tattoo, and in our handwriting read the words.

"Tell me this isn't goodbye, love?"

That is the end of this part, I could leave it here on a relatively happy note. Everyone's alive and safe except for Laurel and Tyler. Let me know in the comments what you think, and if you think I should continue.

@o1iviac1aire @barbarasstar @vii-v @winterfireblond @propertyofmilfs

[threephantomrey]

IT’S A VERY SPECIAL DAYYYY!!!!🥳🥳🥳🥳

that’s right! it’s the 20th anniversary to my favorite movie of all time and my favorite Scooby Doo movie of all time, Scooby Doo and the Loch Ness Monster!!!!!

so i’ve already explained how much i love this movie in a post from almost two years ago but today, i am going to add MORE love for it in this post.

Scooby Doo and the Loch Ness Monster was probably, if not the first, one of the first movies i ever watched. many parts of it had stayed etched into my brain over the years. it was always my favorite, even through all my hyperfixations over the years and even when i went without watching it for a long time.

whenever i rewatch this movie, it feels like going back home. not just in the sense of feeling like i’m going back to when i was little and standing in front of my gray TV that would play it or going downstairs early in the morning to watch it on the TV we had in the living room and turning up the volume so loud it would wake up my dad. but also in the sense that it felt like going somewhere i belonged, rewatching the movie feels like getting a big warm hug from someone who watched you grow up and loves you. when i rewatch it, it feels like seeing an old friend again for the first time in years and finding out that they’re still the same person you loved back then. it’s a movie that never fails to give me comfort.

when i think of Loch Ness Monster, i don’t just think of the gang or the monster’s amazing design and the sounds it made, i also think of the opening scene, i think of lesbian icon Shannon Blake, Del Chillman the guy of all time and his van, all the beautiful backgrounds, Sir Ian Locksley, Professor Fiona Pembrooke and Velma fangirling over her, Colin and Angus Haggart, Blake Castle, Loch Ness, Duncan MacGubbin, Scooby carving a hole in the fog with his claw, the song Brothers Forever, Shaggy’s Rocky Road ice cream song, the scene where Shaggy and Scooby go to find the kitchen in the middle of the night that scared me when i was little so much i used to hide in my closet, Sir Ian’s submarine, the bad Scottish accents, Fred saying “da bomb diggity,” the ambiguous ending, Daphne’s pretty raincoat, you name it.

when i graduated high school, i used the line “hang onto your friends and you’ll get through whatever, soon you’ll be coming out the other side” from Brothers Forever for my high school yearbook quote. (yes, i actually did this) did anyone i went to high school with know what i was referencing? probably not, but it was awesome, and i have to give 17 year old me points for doing that.

i had even made this video in 2023 about the movie, in which i said i like to think of myself as the #1 Loch Ness Monster stan. and i think i stand by that. to me, it’s a beautiful and fun and lighthearted movie for families to enjoy and nostalgic and is full of comfort and makes you feel okay and safe🥹 (which yes, this definitely applies to Scooby Doo in general, but we’re specifically talking about Loch Ness Monster right now) with a song about friendship (Brothers Forever) that i also view to be a song specifically about Shaggy and Scooby’s friendship and the friendship between the whole gang. this is because of the lines “hang onto your friends and you’ll get through whatever, soon you’ll be coming out the other side” “wherever you go, i’ll be there by your side” “never we’ll part cause we’re stronger than ever” and “when it all falls apart, we gotta keep it together.”

and also the song is just really deep and meaningful in general. the second line in the song is literally “you’ve been hanging onto something, it’s really just enough it seems to me” and we also get these lyrics: “castles may stand but they don’t last forever, save what you can let the rest of it slide” “and this world feels like a monster who weighs a ton” “open your eyes and realize this life is just a crazy mystery” (which is such a Scooby Doo lyric) like BROOOO!!! this song is SO DEEP AND EMOTIONALLLL AND FOR WHATTTT🥺🥺 my favorite Scooby song of all time.

this movie may not be one of those pieces of Scooby Doo media that completely changed the status quo or had major impact on the fandom, (although it does do something different by having that ambiguous ending and the 3 monsters) but it was designed to not be like that. it was designed to be just a fun, traditional Scooby Doo movie with a little bit about Daphne’s family history and to be fun and lighthearted! and it does an AMAZING job at that! and you know what? it also gave us the iconic quote from Daphne “nothing’s impossible when you’ve got Scooby Doo around.” which is SO true and this movie deserves to be celebrated for that reason alone. it’s still important.

fun fact: i first heard about the Loch Ness Monster from this movie.

also the rivalry between Fiona and Ian? PERFECTION. i’d totally watch a movie about just them and their rivalry. and when he starts to believe her about the monster? top 10 sweetest moments ever. this movie just gives off such good vibes like it can really bring some comfort to you. if it was a person in real life, it’d definitely be someone you’d want to be friends with like they’d just be so chill and would cherish their friendships very much. this movie gives off a vibe of just staring out into the sunset over the sea and taking a deep breath, feeling the wind in your hair and the breeze around you and just appreciating everything.

here’s to the dark hallways we walked through while sticking beside our friends, the waters we dived into, the Blake family being danger-proned, the 3 monsters that chased us all around, the rivalry between those who don’t believe and those who do, what we’ve called the bomb diggity, everything that can be possible because Scooby Doo is around, men who are obsessed with the Loch Ness Monster and have a very cool van called the Loch Ness Monster Machine, brothers who will jump into the water when there’s a monster in it, their fathers who wished they would’ve prayed harder for daughters, and men who hold the record the most Loch Ness Monster sightings. may these memories live on for longer than 20 years.

happy anniversary Scooby Doo and the Loch Ness Monster. you are MY brother forever❤️

[bunbeeplays]

The Lemon Legacy: Generation 1, Chapter 87 - Adventures in Sistem-Sitting, Part 2

Violet is so excited to listen to the book Ophelia is reading her, she can't even sit down! Really, because I tried to make her sit down and she just wouldn't. Toddlers, man.

Later on in the night, Violet stumbles upon Marshmallow in the mudroom leading to the backyard.

Violet: I can speak kitty! Meow meow, prrrrr.

Marshmallow: talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique

Xander never actually ate lunch so he's starving by dinner time.

Xander: Aren't you going to have anything?

Ophelia: No, I accidentally ate some normal quality food for lunch and now I feel kind of nauseous. You know how my refined palate gets.

Xander: Your stomach's still bothering you? You said you felt nauseous during the wedding too, and the move.

Ophelia: That was nerves, that's all. This is unrelated. I'm sure some water will settle my uncomfortable moodlet.

Xander: If you say so.

Ophelia: What are you doing out here, silly girl?

Violet: I'm bein' a kitty!

Ophelia: Oh really? Well, even kitties need their sleep. Let's get you ready for bed.

Marshmallow follows her new bestie out.

The previous owners used this room purely as storage for the furniture their kids had outgrown, but at least it meant the Sistem kids had places to actually sleep.

Ophelia reads Violet another story, since this kid cannot get enough books, and tucks her in as she dozes off.

It's time to put Velma to sleep again too, but Ophelia can't bring herself to do it just yet.

Xander: The boys are in bed. Want me to put Velma down?

Ophelia: Nah, I want a little bit of snuggle time.

Xander: Well, these kids got me beat. I'm going to bed. Night, Lemon Cake.

The former owners left a lot of the furniture in their old nursery, so Ophelia goes there to rock Velma. She still feels gross, but the soothing motion of the rocking chair helps. Velma certainly seems to enjoy it.

Ophelia: Xander's right, you are a little jelly bean, aren't you? You sure are as sweet as one. I could just eat you up!

Velma squeals as Ophelia lifts her higher in the air.

Ophelia doesn't want to get Velma too riled up before she puts her to sleep, so she goes back to calm rocking and snuggling.

Ophelia: Do you think I'll be a good mommy, Velma? I think I will.

Velma can't talk, but she doesn't look like she'd argue with you, girl.

Ophelia: I hope when I'm a mommy, I have a little one that's as sweet as you. Marcie makes such cute babies.

Ophelia feeds Velma a quick bottle and burps her before it's time to put her down for the night.

Well, Velma can certainly give you a vote of confidence on whether or not you'll make a good mom, Ophelia. She's a happy camper, at least!

Ophelia and Xander are woken up by a little girl crying, but not Velma.

Xander: Violet's probably scared from waking up in an unfamiliar place. Want me to take care of her?

Ophelia can faintly make out Violet calling for "O'fia" from outside the door.

Ophelia: I've got it.

Xander's theory was right. Ophelia can't blame her for being a little scared. She's probably never been anywhere overnight without her parents.

Violet: Can we call Momma?

Ophelia: Momma's sleeping. We can call tomorrow but how about a snack?

Luckily this appeases the toddler.

A sleepy Violet conks out before Ophelia can even finish slicing some strawberries, but placing the bowl in front of her wakes her up again.

As she digs in, Ophelia grabs a small bowl of grapes. She thinks she can stomach that.

Soon after, Xander is once again woken up by noises of discomfort, though these aren't from being scared.

She certainly doesn't LOOK too sad about what she just did, moodlet!

Xander: Sheesh. You sure know how to wake a guy up. Let's get you cleaned up, stinkbug.

Xander: You're lucky you're cute.

Xander lays her down on the changing table and gets to work changing her diaper. Velma giggles and kicks her little legs.

Xander: You think this is so funny, don't you? I guess if someone else had to wipe my poopy butt, I'd laugh too.

Xander: What the- How'd this get in your diaper?

Hopefully her siblings weren't looking for that toy. They're really not going to want it back now.

He tosses the toy dragon aside, making it Tomorrow Xander's problem.

Xander: All better, huh? Back to bed with you, Miss Velma.

Violet seems in higher spirits after eating her snack and getting lots of attention.

Ophelia: Alright, girly, what's it going to take to get you back in bed?

Violet: Story!

Ophelia: Another one? You drive a hard bargain, kid.

Ophelia reads another book to Violet, softly, as to not disturb her brothers.

She may be exhausted but she's getting plenty of experience for the future.

[piratefalls]

WIP title game! I was tagged by @ereborne!

RULES: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

the list of things I've left unfinished is short, so I'll include a snippet with each one. it's also 85% mcdanno lmao.

Give Me a Memory I Can Use (McDanno, finale fix-it)

“Hey, Steve?” He looks down to see her smiling. “Be happy.” He returns her smile. “Hey Cath?” “Yeah?” “I think it’s my turn to walk away.” This time she grins. “I think so too.” So he pulls his bag from the bin, and does.

Share the Scars From Our Abandon (Person of Interest/Rinch, post-series)

Night after night he reaches out for something, anything, to soothe the ever-present ache under his ribs, the one that calls to him when the sun goes down, reminds him that he has family, love, a home somewhere out there, wishing he were in it right now, if only he’d seek it out. The one that reminds him that human connection does not have to be a foreign concept any longer, that it is instead a patchwork quilt of messy, complicated, beautiful people to call his, the place where he drops anchor and floats steady. His body, so broken in so many ways, can now recall a touch that does not hurt, the smell of fresh brewed coffee and old books, the sound of a heart that beats in time with his own.

Untitled Finale Fix-it #2 (McDanno)

His buddy introduces him to the group, since he's apparently a legend. He talks about his life post-SEALs. Later his friend would learn Steve hadn't retired but had been medically discharged. "Got shot. A lot," he says. "Needed a liver transplant." "How did you get one that fast? Anyone with half a brain cell could figure out those odds, factoring in the fact that you were on an island." And then he tells him about Danny, and the plane, that he'd saved Steve's life more than once that day. "Fuck." Steve laughs. "Pretty much."

super rough jotted down ideas for Ace!Henry FirstPrince (RWRB)

They do talk about how to navigate physical intimacy. Henry loves touch, craves it, wants to be wrapped up in and around Alex as often as possible, his breathing slowing to match the steady rhythm of Alex's heart under his cheek as they cuddle in bed. Holding hands, carding his fingers through Alex's hair, always touching touching touching. That's never been his problem. It's everything that's supposed to come after that gives him pause.

5+1 play on the practice of kintsugi (McDanno)

Three days later he listens to his father die over the phone. his whole team is dead, Anton Hesse is dead, everyone is dead. Freddie died and it was all for nothing. Freddie, the keeper of Steve's darkest secrets, the person who kept him tethered to the real world when all he'd wanted to do was fly apart, had sacrificed it all just to be given oblivion. A piece of Steve's heart is anchored somewhere in the middle of a North Korean jungle. He could give you the exact coordinates, but he won't. He doesn't want it back.

Can You Do It? (You Bet Jurassican) (buddie velocipastor au) (if you haven't watched the movie this will make less than zero sense)

No, Eddie Diaz - father, firefighter, combat veteran, boyfriend to an actual fucking dinosaur - is wearing a stretchy orange dress that, after he gets it all the way down, barely hits mid-thigh. Before he has a chance to pull it off and look for literally anything else, Buck comes around the corner and stops in his tracks. “Jinkies.” “Fuck you.” Buck gives him a quick look up and down and shrugs. “Fine with me. If I’m being honest Velma always lowkey gave me top vibes.” And that’s a discussion he’s not touching. “You’re an idiot and I hate everything you choose to be.” “Now that’s a lie and we both know it,” he replies.

no one has to participate, but if you do please tag me!

[thebrownssociety]

What’s New Scooby Doo - Character Analysis. Series 2, Episode 1.

What’s this? The ‘What’s New Scooby Doo’ Episode analysis no one asked for? That’s right! I’ll be analysing the gang’s interactions with each other to see just how close they are.

Obviously they’ll be spoilers for the episode, so just beware. 

First episode I’m doing - Series 2, ‘Big Appetite In Little Tokyo’. 

First of all the episode starts with Velma getting an award, with the gang cheering her on. Her invention is called ‘Dogbot’.So the gang gets to go to Tokyo to watch Velma presenting her creation.

When they’re getting a tour of Tokyo Shaggy has the misfortune to fall asleep. It’s Fred who tells the guide ‘Jet Lag. I’m afraid Shaggy doesn’t travel well.’ showing that the gang has travelled abroad enough together to become acquainted with one another's habits.

Now the spook of the episode. An old mystic tries to scare the doctor they’ve gone to visit, but Velma manages to divert the spell. Unfortunately it hits Shaggy instead. The crux of the spell is that the person it hits will become a giant monster every night and destroy Tokyo.

Funnily enough Shaggy doesn’t want to destroy Tokyo and so chains himself to his bed. [With an ankle lock] He declares he’s not going to fall asleep, but is so jet-lagged he immediately goes back on his word. It’s Scooby who literally tucks him in.

Next morning the rest of the gang - knowing Shaggy and Scooby were jetlagged - brought them breakfast in bed. Just then a lieutenant turns up to try and arrest Shaggy for destroying Tokyo. The gang respond by legging it.

They end up checking into a hotel. During the night however the gang see the 30-foot Shaggy for themselves and try and chase him. 

They find him - in his normal form - and wake him up to explain what happened. Shaggy declares it’s time to turn him in. The rest of the gang immediately shoots this down and Scooby even gives him a hug.

On the way to meet the only person who can get them out of this mess, Shaggy and Scooby inevitably end up nearly being arrested by the lieutenant. Shaggy asked Velma’s invention to turn into something that can ‘get us out of here’. While Dogbot does manage to turn into a chariot, there’s only one seat, so Scooby picks Shaggy up and puts him into said seat.

Well - trying not to spoil here - but inevitably they discover that Shaggy is NOT the monster, someone is trying to frame him. While doing this they come up against the 30-foot Shaggy and end up on the run from him.

There’s a scene when Shaggy decided - in his wisdom - to raid the refrigerator [he’s been not sleeping well due to fear, so I’m assuming this might be why.] Scooby notices this - grabs Velma’s invention, runs back to where Shaggy is, grabs him, carries him and legs it. Bearing in mind this means Scooby comes within an inch of being flattened himself. 

Of course they find out who did it. Velma gives Dogbot away and says that she prefers Scooby when asked if she’ll miss Dogbot. At the end the gang share a hug.

[ariminiria]

You know...even the live action Scooby Doo movies from the 2000's were MUCH more enjoyable then the crap that Hollywood throws at us now. Those people who worked on the LA Scooby Doo movies totally went all out!

They were a little bit bad in some ways, but at the same time they were so charming. And they weren't trying to be edgy, or anything more or less than the source material. They set out to strictly make a live action Scooby Doo, and they did.

I also think that Scooby Doo is a better candidate for live action than many things that have been adapted as such recently, because of the "monster of the week" nature of the show. Most of the episodes were unrelated, unconnected, and rarely referenced each other, except to sometimes mention old cases. But there wasn't a huge overarching plot to drag the pacing down and detract from the main focus, aka whatever case they were currently working on.

That's why I personally found the Mystery Incorporated reboot to be severely underwhelming. Definitely my least favorite iteration thus far. They focused too much on a "big" mystery instead of just. Ya know. Monsters. And they added too much supernatural element. I'll get into why the live action one gets a pass for that later, but the original cartoons and the What's New Scooby Doo phase only ever winked at supernatural realism. Like the cornfield episode where the creepy cat disappeared except for its red eyes at the end. But it was never really taken super seriously.

The live action movies came out to do their own thing and they set the bar from the get go. So sure, we're having Scrappy Doo try to eat Scooby's soul and the gang gets their bodies all swapped around, why not. They kept the tone consistent with the original material and that's what matters. And you didn't have to watch the other movies to understand whichever one you were watching, much like the original monster-of-the-week setup of the series.

Mystery Incorporated tried too hard to be dark and gritty, yet it still pretended it was being faithful to the original. But they reduced all the characters down to the most one dimensional cardboard cutout caricatures of themselves, taking one trait and blowing it up into their whole personality. Fred is a dumb jock who knows nothing but how to make traps. Velma knows nothing but books (and also she's a controlling emotionally abusive girlfriend now??). Daphne is overtly obsessed with Fred and that's her whole personality.

And then they tried to add an overarching plot in the background of each season. They imply that its similar to the cases they've solved this far - ie realism - but just a bigger threat pulling the strings. They're never ever clear of what is supposedly going to happen. Some vague and generic bad guy is planning something. What something, you might ask? What is the culmination of three seasons of insulting material and vague hints? Maybe a real estate scam? An inheritance scheme?

No. Quite literally out of nowhere at the end of the last season, they go through a portal into a shadow dimension and a whole bunch of people get eaten by a shadow demon that can only possess talking animals (for some reason) and it wanted Scooby but only managed to snag some pathetic bird. But it still wants Scooby tho! Anyways the shadow demon is literally consuming their town and the people in it (including the gang's parents cause yeah let's give the kiddies some nightmares) and somehow the power of friendship defeats the shadow demon but also sends them back to an alternate reality like Back to the Future and they all have really cool, better lives now. For some reason.

Honestly, it was insulting that they tried to even call that a Scooby Doo show. If they had made original characters and done their own new thing it would have been kind of interesting. But nah. Just something else where you can tell the creators hated the original material and were determined to twist it into what they wanted to watch instead of being faithful to the source.

The movies understood what they were doing and they didn't try to make it something that it shouldn't be.

[submission4]

The Case of the Uncool Ghouls, Part 12

Suddenly there was a rustling, cracking BUMP! followed by a surprised squawk. This was accompanied by a stream of not very church like cursing. “Get me out of here!” came the Bishop’s somewhat higher and desperate tones. “I think it’s ok for us to stop cowering now, Daff.” Velma whispered in her friend’s ear as the girls continued to cling to each other. The glamorous redhead’s green eyes sprang open, and her lipsticked mouth turned up in a beaming smile of triumph as she took in the sight. “It worked, Velma!” she exclaimed. The brains of Mystery Inc adjusted her spectacles. “Indeed.” she observed a note of surprise in her voice as she regarded the flailing Bishop, a mess of disheveled robes, up to his middle in the collapsed floor of the ballroom. “The old loosened floorboards trick. It seems the oldies really can be the goodies.” The two female ghost hunters stood up and approached their trapped no-longer-so-supernatural prey. “Give up, your holiness?” Velma asked him sardonically. “Anything!” shrieked the now mitreless Bishop. “Just get me out of here, you dumbass kids, before I fall!”

“Gee - just a luminous mask!” The disappointed Daphne stood staring, hand on hip, at the latex face covering until recently worn by the Bishop of the Unholy Cross before being unceremoniously wrenched from his head by the lilac pantyhosed beauty. Velma looked up from studying the spectral vestments of the captured spook. “Luminous paint.” she confirmed while Daphne tied up the miserable looking unmasked fake, now reduced to the vest and jogging pants he had worn under his costume, where he stood, a disbelieving expression still on his face. The bright light of the first day of November poured into the ballroom, illuminating the glowering Bishop’s defeat. “So who are you and what was this all about?” Velma demanded of the man while Daphne secured him to a chair with more of the patented ghost proof MysteryInc rope. He looked balefully up at her. “My name is Derek Hyde,” he muttered, “I’m a real estate guy charged with selling this dump. During surveys I discovered uranium deposits in the grounds and figured if I could scare away potential buyers and the townsfolk by reviving the legend of a mad bishop, I’d be able to buy it for a song and bring in the real heavy duty equipment and make myself rich.” “What about your goons?” Daphne asked, while she tightened his bonds. “Just hired out of work actors,” Hyde replied airily, “they’d have got their cut.” Velma folded her arms. “Now all four of you are going to jail!” she told him virtuously. Hyde looked up, a bitter expression on his face. Daphne quickly slapped a piece of duct tape over the angry man’s mouth. “Just in case, bishop. This way you won’t need to go to confession before the police get here!”

Later, after the girls had gathered all their prisoners into the ballroom to wait for Fred, Shaggy, Scooby and the sheriff to arrive, Daphne happily snapped pic after pic of the bound and gagged quartet. “What are you doing, Daff?” Velma asked curiously, looking over the redhead’s shoulder. “For the Mystery Inc Rogue’s Gallery,” she explained, “and for the WhatsApp group, to remind the boys and Scoob that we girls can catch ghosts without their help, anytime!” The captives glared at the girl helplessly as she recorded the ignominious end to their scam for posterity. “I’m calling it The Case of The Uncool Ghouls!” she said, laughing. “Got a ring to it, don’t you think, fellas?”

As The Hyde gang were loaded aboard the sheriff’s van in handcuffs and Fred and Shaggy looked on admiringly, Hyde himself gazed back at Daphne and Velma as they leaned against an archway in the courtyard of the mansion. “I’d have got away with it too!” he yelled back at the girls. “If it hadn’t been for you meddling….”

“Young women?” offered Velma promptly. “Bah!” responded Hyde as he was bundled into the police car as the two female ghost hunters watched it pull away, smiling in quiet satisfaction.

THE END

Sources: retrorope; Galmted; BoundMen.com; Pinterest

[doingproblematicmedia]

Velma Wrapup: On Adult Comedy

Hey fam. I know this is mad late, but let’s be honest, trying to write a wrapup on Velma was about as painful as watching it. Enjoy!

---

So speaking of HBO, I just watched Marc Maron’s From Bleak to Dark, which is one of the funniest standup routines I’ve seen in a long time.

It was also deeply dark and pretty disturbing in places.

I mean, he didn’t hold back. COVID? Auschwitz? Terminal illness? Abortion? Disinformation? Antisemitism? Suicide?

All there.

And it was funny as fuck.

-

I’m gonna keep coming back to Kurt Vonnegut here, because I think he got to the root of comedy: that all humor is based on fear. “Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning do to do afterward.”

From Bleak to Dark worked because of this fear. We’re exhausted. The state of the world doesn’t seem to be getting any better, and it’s just hard to navigate being human right now. How on earth can you make this material funny?

And the answer is: by reaching deep into the dark places of the soul, plucking the strings of our agonies and worst fears, and dragging them into the light. Saying: Hey, I’m human, you’re human, and here we are trapped in the mess of our humanity. I see you. Hi.

And we laugh.

Because what else are we gonna do about it?

As both Maron and Vonnegut remarked, the jokes in Auschwitz must’ve been amazing.

-

I stumbled on this essay by Matthew Morgan on the state of modern irony, and it stuck a chord:

One feature of the free mind is an ability to entertain contradictory ideas simultaneously; at its most refined, this is an appreciation of the ironic, which Schlegel showed is borne of contradiction. Albert Camus talked about the Absurd as the search for value in a valueless universe. Humans are both the only known creatures who comprehend the meaninglessness of the cosmos and the animals most insistent on discovering meaning, demonstrating that irony is at the heart of the human condition. To embrace irony is, therefore, to embrace life.

Irony, the essay points out, strikes at the contradictions of our messy lives. Vonnegut was a master of irony, using it in such a subtle way that it sailed over many peoples’ heads. In an interview with Playboy in 1973, he famously stated: 

You understand, of course, that everything I say is horseshit...But it’s a useful, comforting sort of horseshit, you see? That’s what I object to about preachers. They don’t say anything to make anybody any happier, when there are all these neat lies you can tell. And everything is a lie, because our brains are two-bit computers, and we can’t get very high-grade truths out of them. But as far as improving the human condition goes, our minds are certainly up to that. That’s what they were designed to do.

Vonnegut’s comforting lies contradict the inherent meaninglessness of life; they give us something to hold onto. Something to reach out with, to show us that we understand each other. That we all want and fear. That we can form community with this shared understanding. An understanding based in irony. In the contradictions of life.

What does all this have to do with Velma? Bear with me. I’m getting there.

- 

Morgan’s essay also gets at what I think is an issue with a lot of current comedy:

...social commentary has been lost amid the exponential growth of shock-value comedy, the inanity of which is exposed by its label: rather than using shock to change values, the vacuous comedy of something like Family Guy values only the shock. This kind of humour merely consolidates one’s place within the in-group of cynical cool kids by sniggering at increasingly “offensive” jokes, a sort of lack-of-virtue signalling.

...The reason that shows like Family Guy are so empty is that they want to mock everything (because that’s detached and cool) while refusing to show us anything (because that would be old-fashioned and ridiculous).

And here’s where we get to Velma.

-

High school is a weird time. Lots of teenage media would have us believe that high school is when we come into our own: amongst the parties and rebellion and teenage love and heartbreak, we are tested, and emerge from this crucible as a fully-formed person. Nothing could be further from the truth. High school is messy, ugly, and painful. It doesn’t look like what it does on the screen. The idea that ‘high school is the best years of your life’ is oft repeated, which in hindsight is horseshit. But maybe we believed that deep down, back when we were in high school, and were terrified that we were doing it wrong. 

And so many of us emerge from this with scars. 

There is a lot of adult media about high school kids! Because on some level, we’re all still trying to process this time of our lives. Putting it into art, stylizing it or flaying it open, helps us to do so. And for teens watching this media, hopefully we’re saying: it’s ok. This is messy ugly and painful, but you’re not alone.

I think Velma is trying to do this. Velma goes to some serious lengths to dig into this messy high school experience. It also pokes at how the media treats the high school experience, which is awesome in theory.

The problem is, it falls into a very high school sort of trap. The kind of trap that we were supposed to mature past. The kind of trap that a lot of shock comedy hasn’t matured past.

As Morgan says, it’s that Velma wants to mock high school media - because it’s detached and cool. I remember this being a thing in high school. In order to be cool, you had to be detached. You could never show real emotion or real hurt. Everything had to roll off like water on a duck’s back.

Because showing real vulnerability wasn’t cool. Cool was not caring. Cool was being able to hurt others, without showing any hurt yourself. Velma wants to skewer the idealized version of high school we see in media - but instead, it just becomes another high school bully.

And all the criticism that has been levelled at Velma? It’s rolled off. Like water on a duck’s back. HBO has renewed it for a second season. 

It’s like watching your high school bully get elected class president.

-

I’m not gonna dissect the content of Velma, because enough people have done that already. The piles of shitty jokes, the weird meta commentary, the moments that don’t work, the moments that hurt - it’s all been compiled, and I don’t want to beat a dead horse (I’m the horse in this metaphor. Because dealing with Velma is painful). 

But I do want to say, it’s an exquisite study on how comedy fails. Fails to reach out, fails to plunge deep into its audience and pull on its worst fears. Fails to make us seen, fails to find a shared humanity.

Doug Walker, who of all people is qualified to comment on bad comedy, probably said it best: 

[Velma has] this wall of protective bullshit that's stopping it from being really funny or really clever.

And that’s that. There’s a wall. Velma is not reaching an audience, because it physically cannot. 

Is it the writers’ own fears that built this wall? Fears of being mocked? Wanting to be detached and cool? 

Because to make real connections, we run the risk of being hurt. Being hurt is a part of life. And the best comedy overcomes this. Says ‘Hi. I know you’re hurting. So am I. Can we make this less painful together?’ 

If Velma is to be believed, we cannot. All we can do is carry on hurting each other, with no connection or relief in sight. 

But as good comics have shown, we can ease the pain with shared laughter.

[evermorehqs]

CATCHING MY BREATH, STARING OUT AN OPEN WINDOW

Judy Hopps is based on Judy from Zootopia. They are a 26 year old shapeshifter, meter attendant, and use she/they pronouns. She has the power of shifting. Judy is portrayed by Jessie Mei Li and they are taken.

CATCHING MY DEATH, AND I COULDN’T BE SURE

Judy was always up for a challenge. When she decided in elementary school she was going to be a police officer, her parents thought it was adorable. Neither of them expected her to actually go into the career field and desperately tried to talk her out of it. But their mind was made up, their bags were packed and they were more than ready to leave the farm life behind for the big city. Judy wanted to make the world a better place, and nothing could stop them... not even a boss that refused to let her do anything but write parking tickets. It was just another hurdle to jump over. She was determined to make a name for herself, and quickly found a way to do it: by taking on a case of missing shifters that no one else was willing to tackle. It was under the table at first, interviewing spouses and searching for clues without permission, but when word was leaked to the public, Chief Bogo couldn’t find a way to tell heartbroken family members it had been dropped without being the bad guy. Instead he gave Judy an ultimatum; solve the case or resign. It was no surprise the option they took. They were on a time limit, but still confident. Overly confident, considering it was the first real job she’d ever done with very little clues to go off of. Meeting Nick along the way was a happy accident. So, okay, maybe they blackmailed him into helping, but over time he became just as involved as she was and on top of that, her very best friend. He opened their eyes to prejudice they’d been blind to, sheltered from their whole life; in their little town, there was no tension between prey and predator shifters. She was learning as much from him as he was her. With both of their heads together, Judy was positive they could figure out what was going on. It was more than her dream at stake, but people’s lives too. They were so close to having a real lead, then... this happened. She wasn’t pleased to end up in Evermore, demoted to meter attendant all over again, but they weren’t giving up. She’d find a way out of this town and finish what she started.

I HAD A FEELING SO PECULIAR

❀ Velma Dinkley: She’s so smart and sweet, and she knows a thing or two about detective work. Judy found a quick friend in Velma; she’s going to miss her the most when they find an escape. ❀ Megara Morales: There’s something shady going on with Meg, but they can’t quite put their finger on it. For now, they’ll just hang around and pretend they’re trying really hard to be her friend, and hopefully that will get them to the bottom of it. ❀ Wayde Pride: She looks up to him. He seems to know what it means to be a good sheriff. If only it was him she worked for back home and not Chief Bogo.

THAT THIS PAIN WOULD BE FOR EVERMORE