#give sherlock holmes a therapist and it would turn out Like That

[dreadfulvampyr]

i’ve been a will graham girly since 2020 and a sherlock holmes one since elementary school and i am Just Now seeing the parallels. will graham is truly just the visibly gay traumatized zero support dog (vs bees) version of sherlock holmes if you can believe it

[skylarsblue]

★RDR2 Incorrect Quotes★

(If you see duplicates from my COD version of these? Shh, no you didn't) ★Border made by @fairytopea★

Ms.Grimshaw What are you doing, you oaf? Young!Arthur, staring at Y/N: They’re pretty. Ms.Grimshaw …and you’re ugly, now get back to work.

- (Pre-joining the gang) Abigail, trying to get paid: What’s your favorite color, John? John: Blue. No, green. Abigail: Awesome! I love learning about you. John: I fucked up, it’s yellow.

- Arthur, cutting a huge knot out of John’s hair: I fucked up, we gotta go bald. *head locks him still* Young!John, flailing violently: WAAAAAHHHH-

Seán: Psst, Lenny, ay mate, wake up! Lenny: Huh- Wh-what? What is it? Seán: I heard something outside the tent. Lenny: What? Seán: Like a woman crying in the distance, but I couldn’t hear her footsteps. Lenny: Okay?? What do you want me to do? Seán: Come look with me! Lenny: Hell no! Seán: Why not? Lenny: I got too much melanin and too much sense for that white people shit. You wanna let demons get you, be my guest, leave me out of it.

- (John HAD to have SOMETHING that captivated her, for humor’s sake? We’ll say he had jokes)

Abigail: You have to find my darling husband, I’m so worried about him. Arthur: Seriously, what do you see in that guy? Abigail: He makes me laugh.

- Micha: I've got the urge to say something. Arthur: And what's that? Micha: The N-Word- Arthur: WHOA-

- Bill: But seriously, is it your whole emo thing that she’s into or what? John: …yeah, long flowing straight hair, very emo.

- Karen: This- Hmm. Tilly: Be nice. Karen: I’m findin’ it. Mary-Beth: …it takes you that long to find- Karen: It does, it does.

- (O’Driscoll troubles) Kieran: Arthur we’re going to get murdered. We’re going to get murdered by a man who can’t tie a fucking bow tie. Arthur: At least he won’t torture us, can’t tie a rope either.

- John: Ugh, you know they’re gonna make us do one of those tacky family happiness photos that comes in the restaurants shitty frame. Tilly: Why are you so fucking negative all the time? John: Wh- uh- I just- Arthur: *slowly sucks tea through straw*

- Seán: Someone just said; “You’re a criminal!” Seán: *handkerchief on, gun in one hand, bag of money in the other* Seán: Well I’ll tell ya what, Sherlock Holmes. You are unbelievable.

- The Gang: Arthur is dying and Micha is a rat! Dutch, dancing with money: *insert that audio that goes “I don’t give a fuck cause I’m a ✨millionaire✨, I do what I want, middle finger in the air!”*

- John, drunk: You think the wind is ever tryna tell us something and we don’t know how to hear it anymore? Charles, loading up a drunk Arthur into a wagon: I just want you to stop saying odd shit.

- Abigail: If we lose, I’m gonna cut the judge. John: Wh- you brought your switchblade?? Abigail: Mhm. John: But they patted us down on the way in, where did you hide i- ohhhhhhh.

- Arthur: …you ever wish you could just, turn into a bird and fly away from everything? Charles: I think we need to get you to a therapist for depression. John: I’d wanna be a wolf. Charles: And we should get you psych evaluation for Autism.

- Sheriff: You seem like a reasonable and good natured person. Arthur: *looks around* And you look like you need glasses.

- Abigail: What would your father say?! Jack: Uhhh “I’ll fix it!” And then make it worse until luck comes around and makes it work, and then act like that was the plan the whole time? Abigail: …that’s my bad, I should’ve used a different phrase to express my disappointment.

- (I dunno why but John being super mean to some people is so fucking funny to me. I don't hate Bill, but bullying him is fun)

Bill: You enjoyin’ the wife everyone else paid to have? John: You mean the woman I never had to pay for? The woman who liked me so much, she didn’t ask for any money to sleep with me? In fact; she liked me so much, she married me? The woman who makes me a warm dinner and kisses me everyday? Mother of my child? John: I am enjoyin’ yeah. What about you, Bill? Bill: John: You enjoyin’ your lonely life, you unlovable sorry sack of shit? You enjoyin’ having to pay for someone to pretend they like you? Cause they never actually do. They hate you actually, like me. I hate you. Eat shit and die, Bill.

- Arthur: …him? Really? Mary-Beth Don’t be mean! Arthur: He looks like a rescue dog, Mary-Beth. Mary-Beth: I know, I like that! Arthur: ….you like that?? Mary-Beth: His pathetic wet eyes and general wimpy stature have captivated me. Arthur: *sigh* Whatever makes you happy.

- Bill: At the end of the day, Arthur. I am a MAN. Arthur: A MAN WHO’S GAY. You like fellers GETTHATTHROUGHYOURHEAD!

- Dutch: I have a plan. Hosea: You haven’t planned shit. Dutch: I’ve planned it.

- Hosea: Arthur! What on earth are you doing?! Young!Arthur: Getting rid of this demon. Young!John: *screeching and trying to get out of Arthur’s grip* Hosea: And why do you plan to get rid of him? Arthur: Because, Hosea! He woke me up by leaning over me and whispering, “I know what death feels like, it’s cold. Have you felt death?” Arthur: HE’S CLEARLY EVIL, HOSEA Hosea: That’s just how children are, Arthur. Dutch: He’s right son, put the boy down. Dutch, leaning and whispering to Hosea: But maybe we should buy a Bible just in case. Hosea: And a cross.

- (Modern au and suicide joke)

John: It’s not a phase! It’s a lifestyle, you just wouldn’t get it! Arthur: You think I didn’t go through the “I can’t tell if I want to kill myself or everyone around me” phase? Come on. John: What? I don’t wanna kill myself at all. Arthur: … John: … John: Should I- should we go talk to Hose- Arthur: We should forget this conversation happened. Take this Nirvana CD and keep your mouth shut.

- Abigail: …John. John: Yes, my angel? Abigail: You forgot something. John: No I didn’t! I took the list with me, checked it three times, even crossed things off when I put it in the cart! See, look. Apples, frozen hamhocks, cranberry juice- Abigail: John. You took Jack with you. John: Abigail: John: Abigail: John: SHIT I LEFT HIM BY THE PASTA SECTION Abigail: STOP STANDING THERE AND GO GET HIM!

- Jack: Pa, how did you get mom to marry you? John: Well son, I- John: John: I have no idea. Jack: Should I ask mom? John: I’ll be honest, I don’t think she knows the answer either.

- Charles: You did good back there. Arthur: Oh? Heh, nah, you did all the fancy stuff. I just helped. Charles: Don’t undersell yourself, Arthur. I wouldn’t be complimenting you for no reason. Arthur: Oh yeah? And here I thought you were just trying to fluff up my ego. Charles: Wouldn’t hurt to do when you work so hard, no? Arthur: Now you’re just being’ sweet- John: Can y’all wait til we’re done before you start your spiritual dick sucking? Arthur: Can you repent to the lord fast enough to save your soul in the time it’ll take me to throw you into the damn ocean, Marston?!

- Arthur: Do you even have a brain? John: Do you even have someone that loves you? Arthur: John: John: I heard it that time, I’m sorry. Arthur: This is what Abigail hears sometimes, just so you know. John: I heard it that time, I got it. I- I’ll just- Arthur: Whiskey, full bottle. The nice kind. John: Apology alcohol, got it.

-

NPC: My husband’s parents are so crazy. In-laws always are, huh? Abigail: Well, uh-

*John being an orphan* *John’s adoptive dads being criminals, one particularly off his rocker*

Abigail: ….aha, yeah;;

- Abigail: John Marston, you useless, foolish, stupid man! Bill: To hell with John! Abigail, suddenly with a very large gun: NO ONE INSULTS MY HUSBAND.

- Arthur, holding up a proper painting he actually put time and effort into: Could a depressed person make this? Charles: The painting: *a wolf in the rain laying it’s head over the body of a deer shot with an arrow* Charles: I’m, in fact, more convinced you have depression now. Arthur: …yeah this wasn’t the best evidence for my argument, huh? Charles: No. Not at all.

- John: What are you talking about? That’s completely normal, it’s like having opinions. just cause it doesn’t happen to you doesn’t mean- Tilly: No, John! No. It’s not normal to have that reaction to the sound of hearing metal on metal. John: No look, uh- Arthur! Arthur come here! Arthur: What now? John: What happens when you hear metal on metal? Like, a can bein’ rubbed with a knife. Arthur: Ugh, I hate that sound. It makes my damn skin crawl, like I got beetles underneath. Makes me wanna skin myself to get’em out. John: Right! See, Tilly? It’s not just me! Tilly: ????

Charles: …and you never got them evaluated? Hosea: In hindsight, an autistic diagnosis probably would’ve made more things make sense. But, what can ya do.

- Arthur after a dog didn’t positively react to him: Maybe this is my final straw. Charles: No. Arthur: It might be. Charles: It’s one dog. There are twenty that you stopped to pet along the way here, plenty more for you to pet after this. Arthur: You don’t understand, this is devastatin’. Charles: Arthur, please- Arthur: Utterly devastatin’, Charles.

- Arthur, tipsy: Just cause you’re gorgeous don’t mean I’ma do whatever you say. Charles: Drink the water, Arthur. Arthur: *grabs the glass* Yes, sir.

- (Got a Y/N one, also, modern Au)

Arthur: That’s the Aberdeen farm. Y/N: …what’s wrong with it? Arthur: What’cha mean? Y/N: The vibes, they’re off. Arthur: …the…vibes? Y/N: The energy, Mister Morgan. The vibe of the place. They’re off, they’re weird, wack even. I sense insidious and wretched wavelengths wafting from the aura of that property. Arthur: I see…well, to answer your question, it’s cause they are weird. And I ain’t even confirmed why cause I don’t really wanna know. Y/N: I see you can also sense the vibes are rank. Arthur: …sure, whatever that means.

- Micha: Well I think- Y/N: Well I’m certain no one fucking asked, Micha! Not a single damn person asked what the hell you thought, ever! In fact, I’m pretty sure you don’t think. I’m pretty sure your skull fills with all the bullshit in your organs, and it just spills out your mouth! Micha: Micha: I- Y/N: Shut up, Micha!

- Arthur, after Albert explains some super dangerous plan in order to get wild animals near him to photograph: You’re stupid, I like that in a man.

- Y/N: Bye Arthur, bye Karen, bye Hosea, bye Arthur. Sadie: You said ‘bye Arthur’ twice. Y/N: I like Arthur.

- NPC: Lovebirds, eh? Sadie: Arthur: Sadie: I’d rather eat a poison ivy plant with Holly Berries for dressing. *looks at Arthur* No offense. Arthur: No no, none taken. All things considered, I’d rather dive into a pit of tar and then drag myself face first through a plain of rotten chitlins. Sadie: Completely fair!

- Bill: I need you to realize you ain’t in charge here. Y/N: I need you to realize I don’t give a shit.

- Arthur: Hey Charles, uh, I got an Uhm…a spiritual question. Charles: Any particular reason you chose to ask me? Arthur: Uh well- I didn’t mean for it to be like that- I just- Charles: *sigh* What is it? Arthur: Do you know what it means when an elk stands up on its back legs? Charles: That means- Charles: WE SHOULD LEAVE, we need to leave, that’s what that means!

- Jack: …why are your boobs so big? Charles: They’re not boobs. Jack: Do you have to wear a brasier? Charles: *sigh* Arthur: He asked me the same thing a couple weeks ago, don’t think to hard bout it.

-

(Story spoilers!!) Y/N: I'm sorry, let me get this straight. Y/N: You picked up that man when he was a destitute child, grieving and starving. Taught him almost everything he knows. Y/N: Then, you did that with, what? Three others? In similar circumstances? Y/N: Created a sense of family and community, a strong bond between so many misfortuned people. With your trustworthy long term friend by your side. Y/N: And then. Y/N: One RAT. WHO IS OPENLY ANTAGONISTIC AND REEKS OF SUSPICION AS MUCH AS HE DOES HORSE SHIT, SOMEHOW CONVINCES YOU TO GO OFF YOUR ROCKER AND HARM YOUR GANG?! Y/N: Explain! Dutch: Dutch: Dutch: He praised me- Y/N: YOUR PRAISE KINK GOT YOU TO AIM A GUN AT YOUR SONS????

- Arthur: Naaah they’re an angel. Lenny: They punched Bill in the face. Seán: They told Strauss he was a waste of human material, in his own language, which they’re not fluent in. Mary-Beth: They framed Micha for a crime and got him put in prison again. Arthur: Like I said, an angel!

- John: Woman. (Translation: Darling.) Abigail: Moron. (Translation: Lovebug.)

Arthur: You tellin’ me they’re being affectionate right now? Jack: Can’t’cha read subtext, Uncle Arthur? Arthur: ???

-

(Insert Alcohol is truth serum reference)

Drunk Bill: Not to be gay, but you’re gorgeous bro. Kieran, afraid: You don’t have to be gay to appreciate a man’s beauty. Absolutely shit-faced Bill: Nah, like I’d fuck you, bro. Kieran, terrified: Okay, never mind!

- (How I imagine their first couple years together went)

Dutch: Dutch: Dutch: Dutch: How do you feel about me? Hosea, naked & beside him: ….we’re sharin’ a bedroll, Dutch. Dutch: Yes, but what are we, Hosea? Hosea: ….we’re both naked, alone, in a tent, Dutch. Dutch: That doesn’t answer my question. Hosea:

- (This one's sad, not funny, sorry-) John: You’re such a hypocrite, why is it that anything I do that you’ve done before that you get so bent outta shape?! Arthur: Because I’ve done it before you, John. John: So why do you think it’s fair to tell me not to?! Most people are proud when their younger brother ends up like’em. You don’t want anyone like you, is that it? Arthur: John: John: …oh. Arthur: Now that you got my point, will you take my god damn advice without a big fuss…please.

- John: She drives me insane! She somehow managed to make me the angriest I’ve ever been almost daily. NPC: Then leave her. John: The fu- no. What? She’s the wind beneath my wings, my darling wife, my beautiful angel. How the hell could you even think to suggest such a thing? NPC: But- John: Get outta my sight, you fuckin’ disgrace.

[actually-a-girls-name]

Empty house

my contribution for @calaisreno 28th prompt! you can also drop a comment or read it here on ao3 :)

Prompt: Empty // 785 words

John stirred up awake and turned to his left, mechanically extending his arm. His fingers only found a cold and empty spot. Of course it was. The bed was too big for him now. “I should revert to a single one,” he thought. That would probably keep the grief and loneliness to creep under his ribs first thing in the morning too. He opened his eyes and squinted, blinded by the light pouring from the window. It was way too bright and that didn’t feel quite right. “What time is it?” he wondered, frowning. And why was he just awaking now? Why didn’t Rosie wake him up? Oh shit. Rosie.

He had taken back his daughter full time under his care for a week now and it had happened a few times where he would just… forget her. Just for a few minutes he didn’t remember to check on her or he needed a few seconds to register when he heard her cry. It was never much but it was still quite enough for his self-loathing monster to feast on. He had to remind himself of his therapist’s words on a daily basis. “It’s ok, it’s hard to adjust to this kind of new life, John. Give yourself time.” Be patient. Be kind to yourself. For once in his life, the doctor wanted to do his homework right. He had to be a better person for his daughter, and that included healing. He got up quickly, refusing to let his shame settle.

There was a small baby’s cot in his bedroom for when Rosie couldn’t stop crying, or when John couldn’t stand being alone. He checked it first but found it empty. Maybe he had put her to sleep in her own room yesterday? He honestly couldn’t remember. He rushed into her bedroom and toward her crib, still a bit woozy from having just woken up. Empty again. His heartbeat sped up and his throat tightened. Since when was she able to get out alone? She had shone good abilities for climbing, but still, those exploits don’t happen overnight, right? He turned around to scan the room and his eyes landed on her unoccupied playmat. Shit.

He stormed into the living room as panic settled. Empty. He checked the kitchen and the bathroom, both empty as well. John clenched hard his fist before stretching his hand again and his breath picked up as he retraced the past evening in his mind. He had last played pick-a-boo with her on the couch before singing her to sleep. She hadn’t been long to surrender, and he knew for sure those memories were from last night since he had turned the TV on just on time to hear the news.  

He was going to check if the front door was still locked when he heard the unmistakable sound of her laughter through the back door. He swung around and flung the door open to reveal the little girl seated on the floor, laughing under Sherlock’s expert tickling fingers.

“Rosie!!”

“Dadda!” she shouted excitedly, flowing her arms on the air. John picked up his daughter and buried her under kisses, relishing into the familiar feeling of her tiny body against his.

“For God’s sake Sherlock!” he finally exclaimed as he settled the little girl on his hips.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“I got scared.”

“Sorry. I texted you.”

He looked like a child being scowled, sitting on the garden floor and looking up at John remorsefully. Sherlock Holmes was rarely cute, but on those extraordinary occasions John had trouble containing his fondness, and he was pretty sure his eyes were betraying him every time. Relief was too strong anyway for him to be truly mad at his friend. He grunted for an answer.

Sherlock was still gazing intensely at his partner when Rosie demanded to be put down. John could feel his cheeks burning and was glad for the distraction. She started to give gravels to the detective, who used his best acting skills to look truly impressed with the gift.

“Thank you very much, Watson! What a thoughtful present.”

Rosie chuckled before handing him another handful: the game could be infinite. John leaned on the doorframe, grinning as he watched the pair interacting. His heart felt like bursting, swollen with pride and love. He thought then – wondering how it hadn’t been obvious before – that he would very much like for all his mornings to look like that. Minus the first few minutes of panic, obviously.

“Sherlock?”

“Uhm?”

“Is your offer still standing? Can we move back to Baker Street?”

Sherlock’s smile widen and his eyes sparkled: “I was afraid you’d never ask.”

[imitationgame77]

Musings on "(Faked/Temporary/Apparent) Death of A Significant Other" in Fiction

[Mentions contents from Network Effect (The Murderbot Diaries), Sherlock Holmes, BBC Sherlock, and House, M.D. (Season 8), Good Omens. So, potential spoiler]

Losing someone you love is probably the most traumatising experience that can change you forever. In "Life Change Index" by Holmes and Rahe which gives a score (max=100) that indicates how much stress a mojor/minor change in life causes. Since even potentially good change, like starting a new jow, can cause some stress, it includes both positive and negative life changes. But "Death of a Close Friend (37)", "Death of Close Family Member (63)" have high levels of stress, with "Death of Spouse" comes to the top with 100 points.

It is also stressful to experience loss vicariously through books, dramas, and films. Even when they are fictional. When it comes to a temporary loss, however, it is a different matter altogether, I think. I may go as far as to say we actively love it. Pain of loss, anguish, followed by joy of reuniting with the loved one - which we probably do not get to experience (even vicariously) in real life.

The most classic example of "turned out to be actually alive!" is, Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle. Holmes leaves a farewell letter to Watson, with forensic? traces indicating he fell into the Reichenbach Falls with Moriarty. Watson being a Victorian gent, he does not describe how he fell to pieces. But when Holmes dramatically re-emerges 3 years later, Watson promptly faints. Then

Watson is delighted! He does not seem to mind that Holmes had led him to believe that Holmes was dead for 3 years, without a single note to say otherwise.

In BBC Sherlock, John Watson living in the 21st century was not so stoic in his response. At Sherlock's "death", John first fell to pieces, requiring him to go to see a therapist where he admits that Sherlock was his best friend. When Sherlock reappears with awkward cheerfulness, John punches him in the face after recovering from the initial shock. And stays very angry for a while, feeling betrayed by having been left to grieve for so long (2 years).

In House M.D., which is basically a medical drama version of Sherlock Holmes, with his best friend James Wilson, House also fakes his death. At his funeral, everybody tries to say something nice about House, but Wilson, angry with grief, calls him arrogant, accuses him for never caring for his friends. Then, gets a text message from House, "SHUT UP YOU IDIOT". House had to go to jail over petty crime for 6 months, when Wilson had only 5 months to live due to cancer. House sacrificed the rest of his career to spend the rest of Wilson's life together.

In Good Omens (Netflix version), when Aziraphale got inconveniently disincorporated, Crowley falls to pieces. Giving up on the idea of running away from Armageddon, he tries to drown his sorrow with drinks. When Aziraphale manages to find him there, Crowley immediately notices and gets delighted, even though Aziraphale was still without body and invisible.

~~~~~

The point I think I am getting to here is that "apparent death of a character, followed by a sort of resurrection" seems to be done in fictional creations when the said temporarily-deceased-one has a significant other that would take us (reader/audience) through anguish, followed by almost painful joy.

Thus, it makes sense to me that in Network Effect, it is Perihelion (aka ART) that would make the protagonist Murderbot go through grief by its apparent death. (Well, it was a death, for a while.) Obviously, MB would be devastated if it lost any of its humans. It cares for the PreservationAux colleagues deeply. But in addition to the fact that it would be a lot harder to resurrect a human (augumented or not) in a story later, it had to be ART, because as the author herself said in her interview, it is probably 'the love of Murderbot's life'.

It is noteworthy to say that MB itself did not give name to its emotional experience, because it probably did not know except that it was a very strong, very negative emotions. Its instant hatred towards those who killed ART and subsequent crippling grief become apparent to the readers through what Amena notices. Its pain is strong and raw, so much that even when MB is simply saying, Ugh, emotions, we feel its grief. And when finally we get to the part with:

All the lights in the control area went dark, then blinked back to life. Simultaneously all the display surfaces around me flickered, went to blank, then flashed reinitialization graphics.

And ART's feed filled the ship. In the pleasant neutral voice that systems use to address humans, it whispered, Reload in progress. Please stand by.

[ ..... ]

Then ART's voice, ART's real voice, filled the feed. It said, Drop the weapon.

Relief and joy we experience is almost heart-skippingly painful. Even though MB's response is more BBC Sherlock's John than the original John Watson, we know how much it must mean to MB. I re-listened/re-read that part at least 10 times.

It is also worth noting that ART also seems to love "pain of loss followed by joy of reunion/resurrection". In Artificial Condition, when a major character died in Worldhoppers, MB had to pause seven minutes while ART sat there in the feed doing the bot equivalent of staring at a wall, pretending that it had to run diagnostics. Then when the character came back to life 4 episodes later, ART was so relieved that they had to watch that episode 3 times before going on!

After long ramblings, my conclusion is, temporaly death of a significant character in fiction is good. More significant the character to the character we can emphasize with, the more painful the loss, and more delightful the reunion. John Watson is the love of Sherlock Holmes's life. Aziraphale is Crowley's. ART is Murderbot's.

[det-william-sherlock-holmes]

Mycroft gives him a smile as he refuses to sit. It would seem his dear brother was correct in his analysis of the man. His limp was, in fact, psychosomatic. He speaks with the man for a moment, both of them going backwards and forwards. John trying to figure out who exactly he is, him trying to convince the man to give him information on his brother, for a price, of course. When it seemed like John wouldn't give in, he gave a smile and pulled a notebook from his jacket. "Trust issues, it says here. Could it be that you've decided to trust Sherlock of all people?" The book was John's notes that his therapist had made. He was an influential man and could get his hands on anything if he set his mind to it. Sherlock messaged John a few times while he was in the building, telling him to hurry, It's an emergency. "You don’t seem the kind to make friends easily."

As John turns to leave, he calls out after him, "I imagine people have already warned you to stay away from him. But I can see from your left hand, that isn’t going to happen." He only smirks as John turns to question him. "Show me," and he approaches as John holds his hand up for him to look at. He takes the wrist and revolves his hand slightly. "Remarkable. Most people blunder round this city, and all they see are streets and shops and cars. But when you walk with Sherlock Holmes, you see the battlefield. But you’ve seen it already, haven’t you?" He ignores John's question and consults the notebook again. "You have an intermittent tremor in your left hand. Your therapist thinks it’s post-traumatic-stress disorder. She thinks you’re haunted by memories of your military service. Sack her, she’s got it the wrong way round. You’re under stress right now, but your hand is perfectly steady. You’re not haunted by the war, Dr. Watson - you miss it." He snaps the notebook shut and gives him a calm smile. "Welcome back." He turns and heads towards the door, swinging his umbrella beside him. "Time to choose a side, Dr. Watson."

(continued with @det-william-sherlock-holmes)

John's trouble with his leg was forgotten again as he listened to the man on the phone. The tremor in his hand was gone and he stood a little straighter. The message the posh man sent was clear as crystal: John was powerless, he could do anything to him and no one would ever know because there would be no evidence, so he must do as he was told. John's training kicked in automatically, he would keep calm and do what he had to. Part of him wondered if this was the killer he was speaking to. Maybe he could leave a clue too. John stepped out of the phone booth and headed towards the car and the suited person. He could see a young, professionally-dressed woman inside fixated on her phone. He entered and sat down and got himself settled in next to her on her left. The door was closed for him. And they began driving off.

"Hello.", he greeted the woman, wanting to pass the time with conversation. She looked up from her phone and beamed at him. "Hi." "What's your name, then?" She seemed to take a moment to think before saying "Anthea." Suspicious, he asked her if that was her real name. It wasn't but he would use that to think of her as in substitution. He took a little look out of the window. "I'm John." Something about humanizing himself to his kidnappers being a good idea had come back to him. "Yes, I know." "Is there any point in asking where I'm going." "None at all," she said glancing up at him from her phone again and giving him a smile, "John." "Okay."

He was quiet for the rest of the ride until he arrived at a warehouse, empty except for a well-dressed man with an umbrella and a chair. As instructed, he got out of the car and, still calm, walked over to him. The man gestured to the chair with his umbrella and offered him a seat. He recognized the voice as the man on the phone. "You know, I've got a phone." If he could access all those payphones, surely the man could've found his number, right? "I mean, very clever and all that but you could just phone me. On my phone." He silently refused the chair by simply choosing not to sit. He was offered the chair again but he refused more explicitly this time. "I don't wanna sit down." Who was this guy?

[jayoctodot]

The Silent Patient vs The Maidens

I will start by saying that I understand the appeal of these novels as page-turners. They are easy to read and if you want a twisty reveal at the end, you will probably be entertained and satisfied. That being said, I am SO CONFUSED by the near-universal adoration of The Silent Patient and the reasonably positive reception of The Maidens. The weaknesses of the two are strikingly similar, as well, which doesn’t give me much hope of seeing improvement from this guy, though I am intrigued to see whether he keeps repeating the same (apparently successful!!) patterns. These books were at least super fun to hate.

(For context, I read The Maidens for a bookclub I'm in, because several of the members had read and loved The Silent Patient, and one of them gave me a copy of the latter to read on my own time. I loathed The Maidens and then read The SP for comparative purposes. And because I'm a masochist, apparently.)

SPOILER WARNING! Do not read on unless you've finished both books (or unless you care not for spoilers). Sorry if it gets a bit shouty.

Here are the similar weaknesses I noticed in both:

PSEUDO-PSYCHOLOGY

-> Weirdly similar “group therapy” scenes early on where a cartoonishly unstable patient arrives late, disrupts the meeting by throwing something into the middle of the circle, and is asked to join the group after the therapist(s) speechify on the importance of boundaries (HA! None of these therapists would know an appropriate boundary if it kicked them in the ass) and debate whether to “allow” the patient to join. Both scenes are so transparent in their design to establish the credibility/legitimacy of the narrators as therapists, but instead both Theo and Mariana come off as super patronizing. The protagonists are less and less believable as therapists at the stories progress (though at least Theo’s incompetence is explained away by the “twist” at the end; Mariana, on the other hand, is confronted in the opening pages of the novel by a patient who has self-harmed PRETTY extensively, and rather than ensure he get proper medical attention, she essentially throws him a first aid kit and tosses him out the door so she can pour herself a glass of wine and call her niece... and it devolves from there).

-> Ongoing insistence throughout the narrative that one’s childhood trauma entirely explains the warped/dysfunctional way a character behaves or views the world, which is why the books go out of their way to give EVERY potentially violent character a traumatic childhood; when Theo insists that no one ever became an abuser who hadn’t been abused themselves, I wanted to throw the book across the room. (That is a MYTH, SIR. GET OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR ARMCHAIR PSYCHOLOGY.)

-> Female murderers whose pathology boils down to “history of depression” and “traumatized by a male loved one/family member.” Because, as we all know, depression + abuse = murderer!

-> The “therapy” depicted in both books is laughable and so so unrealistic, mostly because neither narrators function as therapists so much as incompetent detectives, obsessively pursuing a case they have no place pursuing (or skill to pursue - both just happen across every clue mostly by way of clunky conversation with all the people who can provide precisely the snippet of info to send them along to the next person, and the next… until all is revealed in a tired, cliched “twist”). Their constant Psych 101 asides were so tiresome and weirdly dated (also, the constant harping on countertransference got so ridiculous that at one point during "therapy" Theo literally attributes his headache and a particular emotion he feels to Alicia, as though the contents of her head are being broadcast directly into his mind... and I'm PRETTY SURE that's not how it works???)

CHARACTERS

-> Psychotherapist narrators with abusive fathers and pretensions of being Sherlock Holmes, which results in both characters crossing ALL KINDS of ethical lines as they invade the personal lives of everyone even tangentially connected to their cases (and, in Theo's case, violate all kinds of patient confidentiality. Yeah, yeah, by the end, that's the least of his offenses, but before you get there, it's baffling that NO ONE is calling him out on this).

-> All female characters are either elderly with hilariously bad advice, monstrous hulking brutes, or beautiful bitches (except for ~MARIANA~, who is Bella Swan-esque in her unawareness of her own attractiveness, despite multiple men trying to get with her almost immediately after meeting her. I'm so tired of beautiful female characters being oblivious to their own hotness. Are we meant to believe all mirrors and male attention have escaped their notice? If it’s to make them “relatable,” this tactic really fails with me).

-> All characters of color are shallow, cartoonish side characters, and most of them are depicted as unsympathetic minor antagonists (the Sikh Chief Inspector in The Maidens continuously drinks tea from an ever-present thermos, and his only other notable characteristic is his instant dislike of Mariana, whom he VERY RIGHTLY warns to stay out of the investigation that she is VERY MUCH compromising… the Caribbean manager of the Grove is universally disliked by her staff for enforcing stricter safety regulations at the bafflingly poorly run mental institution, because HOW DARE SHE. There's a very clear vibe that we're supposed to dislike these characters and share the protagonists' indignation, but honestly Sangha/Stephanie were completely in the right for trying to shut down their wildly inappropriate investigations).

-> "Working class" characters (or basically anyone excluded from the comfortably upper-crust, educated main cadre of characters) are few and far between in both stories, but when they show up, he depicts them as such caricatures. We got Elsie the pathologically lying housekeeper in the Maidens, who is enticed to share her bullshit with cake, and then a TOOTHLESS LEPRECHAUN DEALING DRUGS UNDER A BRIDGE in the SP. I kid you not, a man described as having the body of a child, the face of Father Time, and no front teeth, emerges from beneath a bridge and offers to sell Theo some "grass." I was dyinggg.

-> There are no characters to root for. Anywhere. Partly because they’re all so thinly drawn — and because we’re clearly supposed to view almost ALL of them as potential suspects, so they’re ALL weird, creepy, or incompetent in some way.

-> The flimsiest of flimsy motives, both for the narrators and the murderers. Theo fully would have gotten away with his involvement in the murder if he hadn't gone out of his way to work at the Grove and "treat" Alicia and his justification for doing so is pretty weak; his rapid descent into stalking and murder fantasy and his random ass decision to "expose" Alicia's husband as a cheater with a spur-of-the-moment home invasion and staged attempted homicide is ONLY justified if the reader hand waves it away as WELP, HE'S CRAZY, I GUESS (after all, he DID have an abusive father and a history of mental illness, and in Michaelides novels, that's ALL YOU NEED to become a violent psycho). I guess we're lucky Mariana didn't also start dropping bodies (because the logic of his fictional universe says she should definitely be a murderer by now... maybe that'll be his Maidens sequel?). But she especially had NO reason to randomly turn detective - and she kept trying to justify it by saying she needed to re-enter the world or that Sebastian would want her to (??), even though she had no background in criminal psychology... or even a particular fondness for mysteries (really, I would've accepted ANYTHING to explain her dogged obsession with the case. WHY were Sebastian and Zoe so certain she would insert herself into the investigation just because one of Zoe's friends was the first victim? WHY?). As for Zoe and Alicia, their motives are mere suggestions: they were both abused and manipulated, and voila! Slippery slope to murder.

WRITING STYLE

-> Incessant allusions to Greek tragedy and myth, apparently to provide a sophisticated gloss over the bare-bones writing style, which opts more for telling than showing and frequently indulges in hilariously bizarre analogies. Credit where credit is due — the references to Greek myth are less clunky in the SP, and I liked learning about the Alcestis play/myth, which I hadn’t heard of before - but OMG the entire characterization of Fosca, who we are meant to believe is a professor of Greek tragedy at one of the most respected universities on the planet, is just absurd. His "lecture" on the liminal in Greek tragedy is essentially the Wikipedia page on the Eleusinian Mysteries capped off with some Hallmark-card carpe diem crap. The lecture hall responds with raucous applause, clearly never having heard such vague genius bullshit before.

-> Super clunky and amateurish narrative device of interludes written by another character; Sebastian’s letter reads like a mashup of Dexter monologues and Clarice’s memory of the screaming sheep, but by FAR the worse offender is Alicia’s diary, where we’re supposed to believe she painstakingly recorded ENTIRE CONVERSATIONS, BEAT-BY-BEAT DIALOGUE, even when she’s just been DRUGGED TO THE GILLS with morphine and has mere moments of consciousness left… and even before that, she literally takes the time to write “He's trying the windows and doors! ...Someone’s inside! Someone’s inside the house! ETC ETC” when she thinks her stalker has broken in downstairs. WHO DOES THAT?)

-> Speaking of dialogue, the dialogue is so bad. Based on his bio, Michaelides got a degree in screenwriting, which makes his terrible dialogue even more baffling.

-> HILARIOUSLY rendered voyeur scenes where the narrators spy on couples having sex. Such unintentionally awkward descriptions. First we had Kathy’s climax sounds through the trees and then the bowler hat carefully placed on a tombstone before the gatekeeper plows a student. Again, I died.

PLOT/"TWIST"

-> The CONSTANT red herrings make for such an exhausting read. Michaelides drops anvils with almost every character that are so obviously meant to designate them as suspects in our minds. There is absolutely no subtlety in his misdirections.

-> The “crossover” scene between the SP and The Maidens makes no sense - when in the timeline does Mariana’s story overlap with Theo’s? They confer just before Theo starts working at the Grove, obviously (though Mariana appears to be the one who alerts Theo to the job opening there? Whereas in the SP, Theo has been obsessively tracking Alicia since the murder and had already planned to apply to work there?), but then are we supposed to believe that while Theo has been psychotically pursuing his warped quest to “help” Alicia, he’s also been diligently treating Zoe, so invested in her case that he repeatedly reaches out to Mariana to get her to visit Zoe and even writes Mariana a lengthy letter to convince her to do so??? And then a couple days after The Maidens ends, Theo is arrested???

-> But the thing I really did hate the most is how Michaelides treats his female murderers (who are both also victims themselves) as mere means to deploy a “twist”; there’s no moment spared to encourage our sympathy for Zoe, who was groomed and manipulated by the only trusted father figure in her life, and even after spending a decent amount of time getting to know Alicia via her ridiculous diary, where it’s so apparent that she’s been demeaned, objectified, manipulated, gaslit, and/or used by EVERY man in her life, she’s sent packing to spend the rest of her days in a coma… HOW much more satisfying would it have been for her to succeed in exposing Theo and reclaiming her voice? But no, she basically rolls over when he comes to finish her off (SPEAKING OF — ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THERE ARE NO SECURITY CAMERAS IN THIS INSTITUTE FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE????), writes one last diary entry, and drifts off forever. And then a couple pages of nothing later, the story is over. GOODNIGHT, ALICIA!

Both books kept me rolling throughout (by which I mean eye-rolling but also rotfl). Maybe I will check out his next effort — I’m morbidly curious what he’ll turn out. It does leave me wondering whether I should give up on thriller novels entirely, though. Are many of the weaknesses of these novels just characteristic of the genre? Maybe I'm just holding these books to unfair standards? I'm mostly only familiar with thriller films — many of which I think are amazing — but maybe you can get away with more in a film than you can in a novel.

...I really only intended to write a handful of bullet points, but more and more kept coming to mind as I wrote, to the point where subheadings became necessary. Whoopsie.

[slightlyaweeb]

=========================================

THE BASICS

=========================================

Name:

Nicknames:

Gender:

Age:

Birth Date:

Birth Place:

Currently Living In:

Species:

Ethnicity / Race:

Citizenship:

Religion / Beliefs:

Astrology Sign:

Chinese Animal / Zodiac Year:

Blood Type:

Chinese Element:

=========================================

PHYSICAL FEATURES:

=========================================

Height:

Weight:

Frame / Build:

Hair length:

Hair color:

Eye shape:

Eye color:

Complexion:

Face size (broad, narrow, etc.):

Voice type:

Foot size:

Tattoo(s):

Scar(s):

Other notable accessories:

Any other identifying mark(s):

=========================================

INTERESTS

=========================================

Favorite Food(s):

Favorite Sport(s):

Favorite Book(s):

Favorite Show(s):

Favorite Music:

Favorite Color(s):

Clothing Style / Preferences:

Hobbies:

Role Model(s):

Likes:

Dislikes:

=========================================

PERSONALITY

=========================================

Good Qualities / Trait(s):

Vices / Negative Trait(s):

Habits / Idiosyncrasies / Quirks:

Phobia / Fears:

Select one personality type below that best describes your character:

PROTECTORS

[] Overseer (ESTJ) – Thrives on facts and details. Has a clear set of standards and beliefs. They are hardworking, responsible, and self-confident. They rely on experiences rather than speculation, and make decisions based on these. Very good at enforcing laws and rules. Loyal and hard-working. Like to be in charge. Very organized, tends to be a stickler for the rules.

[] Supporter (ESFJ) – Popular, and most sociable of all the types. Respects authority and values traditions. Has a strong desire to be liked, and therefore tends to want to serve others’ needs, sometimes at the expense of their own.

[] Examiner (ISTJ) – A very keen sense of what’s right and what’s wrong. Responsible especially in their field of expertise, devoted and punctual. Very thorough, and tends to put duty before pleasure. They are very thorough, honest, and seek to accomplish anything they put their minds to. Follows the rules and does not tend to be adventurous. Likes conformity. Can sometimes have a surprising offbeat sense of humor.

[] Defender (ISFJ) – Puts the needs of others before themselves, to a point where they tend to give more than they receive. Quiet and conscientious. Modest and tends to be a spectator. They do what is expected of them without attracting attention to themselves. Sensitive to the feelings of others, and has a very good memory, especially when it comes to observing other people. Can be easily hurt. Very painstaking when it comes to detail.

CREATORS

[] Persuader (ESTP) – Realists. Enthusiastic people of action who like to explore and use their senses to explore the world. Likes sports and are risk-takers. They live in the (preferably) fast-paced here and now, and thrive on problems and crises. Often fearless and dominates conversations. Unafraid of criticism. Blunt and very straightforward. Does not necessarily follow the law if it gets in the way of what they want.

[] Entertainer (ESFP) – Lively and cooperative, they like being the center of attention and do not like being alone. They like exciting things and new adventures. Often likes to play the host, and understand how to motivate people to get a job done. They are efficient workers and make good problem solvers, and they generally get along with most people.

[] Crafstman (ISTP) – Independent and adventurous, they like figuring out how things work. Great mechanical and technical skills, they are often the troubleshooters. They are adventurous and like living for the moment. Sometimes unemotional, have simple desires, and prefer intellectual pursuits. Do not often like to follow rules, preferring to do things their way. Quiet and reserved.

[] Artist (ISFP) – Creative, quiet, serious, loyal and sensitive. Do not like conflict. Takes great value in personal freedom. Private and prone to confusion. Gifted at creating and composing. Good appreciation for beauty. Not interested in leading or controlling others. Very original and creative especially in the arts. Can be trendsetters and into latest styles and art / fashion / etc.

INTELLECTUALS

[] Chief (ENTJ) – Natural leaders, strategic and very organized. Outspoken and decisive, and values competency and efficiency. Very resolute and has a knack for arguments / debates. Competitive, assertive and outspoken. Understands difficult problems and create quick and viable solutions for them. Intelligent and well-informed, they do not have much patience with inefficiency. Dominant and assertive, does not like to be bored.

[] Originator (ENFP) – Inventive and idea people. Love to argue to show off their skills and intelligence. Prefers the startup phase of a project where the risks and problems are greater, than turning over the lead to someone else once these are solved. Enthusiastic, idealistic, and creative. Great people skills. Excited by new ideas, but bored with details. Open-minded and flexible, and able to make others enthusiastic over their ideas and projects.

[] Engineer (INFP) – Quiet, logical, and idealistic. Not interested in calling attention to themselves unless their beliefs / principles are violated, where they will then become outspoken and argumentative. A thinker whose inner private world is governed by a logical structure. Analyze difficult problems and find patterns. Has a system-building approach to problems. Likes solitude and are rule breakers. Unemotional, often acts without consulting others.

[] Strategist (INTJ) – Introspective, analytical, has great leadership ability, independent, original, and determined. Does not mind other people’s leadership as long as they are competent. Can bring ideas from concept to reality. Expects perfection from themselves. Chessboard thinkers with contingency plans. Hard to impress and likes esoteric things. Independent individualists.

VISIONARIES

[] Mentor (ENFJ) – Positive, popular, altruistic, religious and sensitive, with excellent people skills. Can be good salesmen. Concerned for other people’s feelings. Focused on understanding and encouraging others. Does not like impersonal analysis. Can be image conscious. Often has very good charisma, and can easily convince others. Has a very positive personality. Excellent language skills, and would make for natural leaders.

[] Advocate (ENTP) – Often works for causes and can be very expressive regarding their views. They want to call attention to what they stand for. Spontaneous and social but can be disogranized and act without thinking. Excited and passionate about things, and motivate others to feel the same. Always want to make the most out of life. Best of all the personality types at social and emotional coping. Ranked 2nd of all the types in using cognitive resources. Places great importance in friendships, even at the risk of being taken advantage of.

[] Confidant (INFJ) – Intensely private and committed to their beliefs. Highly intuitive, emphatic and dedicated listeners. Quietly forceful and sensitive. The rarest personality type, especially with males. Focused on fantasy more than reality. Fears doing the wrong thing. Tend to work quietly behind the scenes and influence people than be leaders. Perservering, especially when it comes to doing the right thing. Very individualistic, rather than leading or following, but can work with groups to accomplish a goal.

[] Dreamer (INTP) – Tend to be very private, and does not let a lot of people get close. They are loners and tend to avoid conflicts. The act of creating can already be an accomplishment of instill a sense of satisfaction. Constantly search for values in life, and tend to use their intuition to do so. Logical, original, creative thinkers. Can become very excited about theories and ideas. Exceptionally capable and driven to turn theories into clear understandings. Want to be recognized and valued, but without attention. Never lose their sense of wonder.

=========================================

STORY DEVELOPMENT:

=========================================

CHARACTER ARCHETYPE: (Put an X on all applicable boxes)

[] Addict (Conspicuous Consumer, Glutton, Workaholic–see also Gambler)

[] Advocate (Attorney, Defender, Legislator, Lobbyist, Environmentalist)

[] Alchemist (Wizard, Magician, Scientist, Inventor–see also Visionary)

[] Angel (Fairy Godmother/Godfather)

[] Antagonist (Opposing View, not necessarily the Evil Bad — see also Villain)

[] Anti-Hero

[] Artist (Artisan, Craftsperson, Sculptor, Weaver)

[] Athlete (Olympian)

[] Avenger (Avenging Angel, Savior, Messiah)

[] Beggar (Homeless person/ Indigent)

[] Bully (Coward)

[] Catalyst

[] Child (Orphan, Wounded, Magical/Innocent, Nature, Divine, Puer/Puella Eternis, or Eternal Boy/Girl)

[] Clown (Court Jester, Fool, Dummling)

[] Companion (Friend, Sidekick, Right Arm, Consort)

[] Damsel (Princess)

[] Destroyer (Attila, Mad Scientist, Serial Killer, Spoiler)

[] Detective (Spy, Double Agent, Sleuth, Snoop, Sherlock Holmes, Private Investigator, Profiler–see also Warrior/Crime Fighter)

[] Dilettante (Amateur)

[] Don Juan (Casanova, Gigolo, Seducer, Sex Addict)

[] Engineer (Architect, Builder, Schemer)

[] Exorcist (Shaman)

[] Father (Patriarch, Progenitor)

[] Femme Fatale (Black Widow, Flirt, Siren, Circe, Seductress, Enchantress)

[] Gambler

[] God (Adonis, see also Hero)

[] Gossip (see also Networker)

[] Guide (Guru, Sage, Crone, Wise Woman, Spiritual Master, Evangelist, Preacher)

[] Healer (Wounded Healer, Intuitive Healer, Caregiver, Nurse, Therapist, Analyst, Counselor)

[] Hedonist (Bon Vivant, Chef, Gourmet, Gourmand, Sybarite–see also Mystic)

[] Hermit (see also Wise old Man)

[] Hero/Heroine (see also Knight, Warrior)

[] Judge (Critic, Examiner, Mediator, Arbitrator)

[] King (Emperor, Ruler, Leader, Chief — see also Politician)

[] Knight in SHining Armor

[] Liberator

[] Lover

[] Martyr

[] Mediator (Ambassador, Diplomat, Go-Between)

[] Mentor (Master, Counselor, Tutor)

[] Messiah (Redeemer, Savior)

[] Midas/Miser

[] Monk/Nun (Celibate)

[] Mother (Matriarch, Mother Nature)

[] Mystic (Renunciate, Anchorite, Hermit)

[] Networker (Messenger, Herald, Courier, Journalist, Communicator)

[] Pioneer (Explorer, Settler, Pilgrim, Innovator)

[] Poet

[] Politician (see also King)

[] Priest (Priestess, Minister, Rabbi, Evangelist)

[] Prince

[] Prostitute

[] Queen (Empress)

[] Rebel (Anarchist, Revolutionary, Political Protester, Nonconformist, Pirate)

[] Rescuer

[] Saboteur

[] Samaritan

[] Scribe (Copyist, Secretary, Accountant–see also Journalist)

[] Seeker (Wanderer, Vagabond, Nomad)

[] Servant (Indentured Servant)

[] Shape-shifter (Spell-caster–see also Trickster)

[] Slave

[] Spectre (Ghost / Apparition with Unresolved issues)

[] Storyteller (Minstrel, Narrator)

[] Student / Scholar (Disciple, Devotee, Follower, Apprentice)

[] Teacher (Instructor, see also Mentor)

[] Thief (Swindler, Con Artist, Pickpocket, Burglar, Robin Hood)

[] Threshold Guardian

[] Trickster (Puck, Provocateur)

[] Turncoat

[] Vampire

[] Victim

[] Villain / Shadow (Big Bad of the story; see also Antagonist)

[] Virgin (see also Celibate)

[] Visionary (Dreamer, Prophet, Seer–see also Guide, Alchemist)

[] Warrior (Soldier, Crime Fighter, Amazon, Mercenary, Soldier of Fortune, Gunslinger, Samurai)

[] Wise old Man (see also Hermit)

1. What are the motivations for the character’s actions?

2. What are the character’s goals / ambition / dreams?

3. What external conflicts would you wish for the character to overcome?

3a. What are the obstacles in the character’s path that might make this difficult?

4. What inner conflicts would you wish for the character to overcome?

4a. What are the obstacles in the character’s path that might make this difficult?

=========================================

ABILITIES

=========================================

Powers / special abilities:

Other skills:

Weaknesses / Kryptonite:

[starleska]

ratigan for the character thingy? i know nothing about this little guy but he looks interesting

ooh excellent choice anon!!! thank you very much for sending this in - i'd be delighted to let you know a little more about Professor Ratigan ;) also, here’s a great clip of him in action!! so, for context! Professor Ratigan is the main antagonist of the 1986 Disney film 'The Great Mouse Detective', which is in turn based on Eve Titus' 'Basil of Baker Street' book series. The books and film follow the Sherlock Holmes tradition, wherein the protagonist is the eponymous Basil, a mouse who takes on the role of Sherlock Holmes. I'm not too familiar with the books, but in the movie, Professor Ratigan acts as a parallel to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Moriarty. he's a flamboyant, volatile, intelligent rat with a penchant for crime and villainy, and he also 'hates' (see: is very gay for) Basil with a passion. an interesting quirk of Ratigan is that, in the movie, he hates being called a rat, and insists on being referred to as a mouse. now without further ado, here are my answers: how i feel about this character oh lord, i adore him 😳 i have a terrible weakness for villains with excellent dramatic flair, as well as scientists, engineers and characters with high intelligence and arrogance to boot. he's deeply self-centred, believes himself to be the world's greatest criminal mind, and is also prone to invading the personal space of others and violence - qualities which make me weak at the knees. his design is fascinating as his movements are so fluid, and i love that disarming, sharp-toothed grin. not to mention his voice is to die for; Vincent Price delivers an unforgettable performance that makes Ratigan the absolute stand-out of the movie. i think he's the reason so many people adore this movie - he's just a perfect foil to Basil, and one of the great Disney villains 😭😭 all the people i ship romantically with this character of course i ship Basil/Ratigan!!! the tension between these two - whether you consider it romantic, sexual, or something Other in the way of the Sherlock Holmes tradition - is palpable. you can tell these two have a storied history - they behave with each other almost in the way of ex-lovers, and i don't think that's just my queer goggles on;;; (i'm also a filthy self-shipper so the idea of being pinned to a wall by Ratigan is 😳😳😳) my non-romantic OTP for this character like almost all of my f/os, Ratigan/Therapist. he desperately needs some psychological intervention, firstly to work out whether or not all that deep-seated anger comes from his constant maligning as a biological rat. i talked a little bit about this idea in this post earlier, as i love to rub my trans little hands all over everything haha my unpopular opinion about this character you know, i haven't been in the fandom long enough to know what opinions are or aren't popular!! so i'm gonna give this one that's adjacent; personally, i think The Great Mouse Detective's story and pacing were a bit all over the place. especially in the second half, there's a lot of 'empty space' where the plot could have moved much quicker, and it isn't that long a movie in the first place. i do think that the animation, performances and pure charm of concept are what make the film so beloved, rather than the story itself;;; one thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon oh, how i wish we'd gotten more time with Ratigan as a whole!! given his Moriarty parallel, i was hoping we'd see some more examples of his criminal genius. given that his intellect is supposed to rival that of Basil, i would have liked to see Ratigan doing the engineering, or having a scientific moment - instead, he kidnaps Flaversham to do it for him. i understand we needed a reason for Olivia to be there (and she is a sweetie!), but still, there was a lot of undeveloped potential for Ratigan. basically, i wanted to see him flex those big brain muscles more 🥰

[possiblyimbiassed]

John’s “therapeutic” blog

I’ve been fascinated by the wealth of content in John Watson’s blog since I first noticed it; I think it was some time after S2. For being a complementary work to a TV show, it’s surprisingly well crafted and packed with information. Joe Lidster, who has written the fictional blogs and websites of John, Sherlock, Molly and Connie Prince, is a screenwriter who has been working also with Doctor Who and its spinoff Torchwood.

Unlike the rest of the content within the BBC Sherlock franchise, for example the online game ”Sherlock the Network”, the escape room “The Game is Now” or the book “Sherlock Chronicles”, John’s blog is fully available online for free, you don’t even have to register anywhere. And unlike the other blogs of the franchise (Molly’s and Connie Prince’s blogs and Sherlock’s website), John’s blog is lengthy and has a lot of posts in it. It gives us background and explanations of cases that aren’t mentioned in the show, or only referred to, and I also think it provides a “second opinion” of what we see in the show. It’s a bit like what John says in TLD:

It certainly seems like this blog has been created as a special little treat for the fans, since most of the casual viewers of the show probably don’t even know it exists ‘IRL’. But I think the blog is much more than that; partly because it’s so heavily referenced in the show – with frequent, accurate and exact pictures of it (at least until S4) – and partly because it tells us so much about John’s character. I think John’s blog is significant and important in trying to analyse BBC Sherlock. And maybe the version of John we see in the show will actually get more nuances to it if we look at the blog, which is expressly written by John himself?

More under the cut.

As some of you might know, I’ve written a meta series (X) where I try to explore the idea (originally from @raggedyblue​) that the blog describes the ‘real’ events in John’s and Sherlock’s life more accurately than the show, and that what we see in the show up until HLV is Sherlock reminiscing their life together while reading up on the blog. In my view, the show might be Sherlock’s embellished and dramatized version of the events - ironically a bit similar to what Sherlock usually accuses John of doing in both Doyle’s canon and on the blog. But I find the blog’s writing style far more prosaic than the show, and also more prosaic than Watson’s stories in ACD canon; in BBC Sherlock the roles might have been inverted compared to canon. 

An example of this would be the scene in TEH (which I talked about in this meta over a year ago) where Mary is (supposedly) reading the following un-published post directly from John’s blog editor:

“His movements were so silent. So furtive, he reminded me of a trained bloodhound picking out a scent. I couldn’t help thinking what an amazing criminal he’d make if he turned his talents against the law.”

Something doesn’t seem quite right here, though. While the rest of the post is text from another, already published, post (The Speckled Blond), this first part is taken almost verbatim from ACD’s story The Sign of Four (SIGN). It describes a crime scene where Holmes has just “whipped out his lens and a tape measure and hurried about the room on his knees, measuring, comparing, examining, with his long thin nose only a few inches from the planks and his beady eyes gleaming and deep-set like those of a bird”. I see a big style difference between this and the rest of John’s blog. Since the quote above never appears on the ‘IRL’ blog, I’d rather believe that in BBC Sherlock this is merely wishful thinking from Sherlock that happens inside his Drama Queen Mind Palace. This impressive description is, I think, what he would truly wish that John had written. ;)

I also suspect that the continuing references to different blog posts in S4 are all made up in Sherlock’s mind, since John’s blog ‘IRL’ stopped updating after TSoT, when Sherlock hacked it and took over the storytelling.

Be that as it may, this meta is a reflection upon what John Watson’s famous blog actually might stand for, and what I believe it tells us about his character. In these months of quarantine, I’ve been passing the time by reading through the whole online version of the blog and taking notes of it.

Therapeutic origin

It seems like the initiative for John to start a blog came from Ella Thompson, his therapist. I believe Ella’s initial idea was therapeutic; if it was almost impossible for John to talk to her about his feelings and inner problems in their sessions, she might have found it difficult to help him. Therefore she suggested that he write it all down on his own instead. And if Ella could persuade him to talk about his life on an online blog, she would also be able to read it.

Of course this wouldn’t be the same as if John told her about his inner reflections in confidence, in a real therapy session, but maybe the blog would give him an incentive to talk about his life at all. And you have to start somewhere.

At the end of TST we see Sherlock visit Ella, but when she asks him to “open up completely” he refuses. 

If S4 is happening inside Sherlock’s head (as I believe it is), this might have been Sherlock’s way of trying to psychoanalyse John, to ‘solve John’s case’, by envisioning the therapy situation in his mind palace. A well-known method of Sherlock Holmes is that he tries to put himself in the other person’s place and think about what his own response would have been to the situation. In ACD’s  story The Musgrave Ritual (MUSG), Holmes says: “You know my methods in such cases, Watson. I put myself in the man’s place, and, having first gauged his intelligence, I try to imagine how I should myself have proceeded under the same circumstances.”

Which is also evidence that the character of Sherlock Holmes does indeed not lack empathetic capacity. Also in the show, John’s assertion that Sherlock “doesn’t feel things that way” etc. is basically BS in my opinion. The problem is that John refuses to see this.

John’s state of mind before Sherlock

John’s first three blog posts (in the middle of December - January) seem to completely lack motivation.

And this is maybe what one could expect from the deeply depressed John (as he appears in the beginning of the show), isn’t it? No surprises there.

Everything seems meaningless, and John only makes two attempts at blog posts to comply with Ella’s recommendations, but he doesn’t actually write anything in them. After the second attempt his old army friend Bill Murray tries to contact him, but John seems to have cut off his ties with the rest of the world; he doesn’t answer the comment.

At the third attempt over a month later, John seems to want to delete the blog he has started, but lacks the technical knowledge to do so. The fourth attempt is just a snide comment to Ella:

She doesn’t respond, however (not very surprisingly perhaps). Instead, John’s sister Harry discovers the blog and tries out this means of communicating with him. But John ignores her.

But at the fifth attempt at least John has gone out with some friends and describes it – almost bitterly. Sadly, it also seems like John met up with them mainly to avoid his therapy session with Ella.

So, the problem is that whatever Ella may have thought that the blog would mean for John’s healing, I think she aimed well but unfortunately missed the target. John Watson does not ‘open up’ himself on the blog. When he finally starts to really write - after he met Sherlock - it’s not actually about him (supposedly); it’s all about Sherlock. Basically, John goes directly from ‘Nothing happens to me‘ to ‘Sherlock happens to me‘.

What the blog tells us about John ‘after Sherlock’

John’s blog may be all about Sherlock, but there isn’t actually that much praise for Sherlock in the blog posts as one might think. My impression is that John applies his (perhaps somewhat overestimated) writing skills to project his own failures and self-loathing on his closest friend. More than anything else, I think the blog is John’s emotional outlet for his frustration over his unsatisfactory relationship with Sherlock and his own inability to improve it. Instead of trying to actually talk to Sherlock, he uses the blog to vent his frustrations over Sherlock, speculating wildly about what he believes Sherlock is thinking and feeling.

The stories and adventures are thrilling and entertaining, yes. But his assessments of Sherlock’s character are really not very uplifting. John doesn’t strike me as an ‘analytic’ person, which in this case means that John’s theories about Sherlock are rather based on his personal emotions than logical conclusions. It’s sometimes even a bit difficult to follow the chain of events in John’s posts, because it’s usually so intertwined with his gossipy and out-of-context comments about Sherlock’s personality.

Unfortunately, Sherlock doesn’t seem to realise this projection, and neither do we see him address the issue of John’s misconceptions about him. I believe Sherlock takes many of John’s jibes and insults at him at face value, which – sadly - only adds on to his own self-loathing. I also think that Sherlock trying to draw conclusions about his mysterious friend through the written blog might be a mistake; it may eventually tell him a lot about John’s problems, but to see these he needs to look behind all the cover-up of blatant criticism of him, Sherlock. Maybe that’s what Sherlock’s trying to do in S4, by setting up scenarios in his mind palace?

Judging by how John comes across on the blog – and in the show – I think Sherlock’s claim “You’re abnormally drawn to dangerous people and places” in HLV is a perfectly sound analysis - on the surface. However, I think one must read between the blog lines in order to see other possible motives for John wanting to hang out with Sherlock. Reading John’s posts textually, he gives a strong impression that he’s there for the adventures; when there is danger in the air, John’s never bored.

In the comment section Sherlock never mentions John’s evaluation of his character. Instead he repeatedly criticises John’s writing style. I get the impression that this is Sherlock’s subtle way of getting back at John without having to directly address John’s misconceptions about him. As I said above, I think John’s writing style is very different from Watson’s style in canon; far less respect for Sherlock and a far more prosaic and simple language. Canons Watson seems careful not to speculate much, while John does this all the time.

Examples that form a pattern

There’s a good deal of praise of Sherlock in John’s posts, but it has almost exclusively to do with his admiration for Sherlock’s intellectual capacity; he’s repeatedly described as ‘clever’ and after the Fall, John claims that “nobody ever really outwitted Sherlock”. But in fact, I’ve found very few blog posts where John doesn’t also criticise or complain about Sherlock in some way or another. And there are only two posts (out of a total of 45) where John says something positive about Sherlock’s character:

1. After their first meeting he calls Sherlock “strangely likeable” and “charming”.

2. In what John meant to be his last post ever (he believed Sherlock was dead), he calls Sherlock “funny”, “charming” and “everything a good person should be”.

On the other hand, there seems to be nothing in John’s own (supposed) opinions about Sherlock that he regards as too negative or inappropriate to publish online. I very much think this is about self-loathing; he projects his own shortcomings on his “psychopath” friend and flatmate. Like it’s always a relief to have a scapegoat. An additional explanation might be that if John is closeted and in public denial about any romantic feelings for Sherlock, this makes him not want to appear too ‘besotted’ on the blog. ;) Thus, he might believe he needs to compensate the praise with criticism. Problem is, with this contradictory approach the readers might ask: What is John’s actual relationship to Sherlock? Handler? Hostage? Lover? Concerned citizen? It’s hard to claim he’s a ‘real’, professional colleague, since John’s actual profession is a medical doctor. But why would John be friends with a psychopath? 

To seriously claim that his best friend is a psychopath seems perfectly OK to John, though – he does it repeatedly, and quotes Donovan’s claim that Sherlock “gets off on it”. At the end of A Study in Pink, John talks about Sherlock and the serial killer as if they were both psychopaths, one undistinguishable from the other:

“The taxi driver drove him to a college of further education so they could both educate each other on - well, on how their minds worked, I guess. It's not something I'll ever really understand and, to be honest, I'm not sure I ever want to understand it. To be that much of a psychopath. To be that above the rest of us.”

John even seems to pretend to prefer ignorance to understanding, only to find one more opportunity to blame Sherlock. Here are some examples of other things John calls Sherlock publicly on the Internet:

Arrogant 

Rude

Imperious

Pompous

Madman

Freak

Childish and

Not safe. 

He also says on the blog that Sherlock is spectacularly ignorant about some things, like the solar system. 

Little Freudian slips

In the post titled The Speckled Blonde 

(which is basically a re-count of canon’s The Speckled Band - SPEC) John’s closet angst reaches new heights:

Apparently John finds it important to preventively point out to his readers that he was not sharing a bed with Sherlock. Or, actually, that he even preferred sleeping on the floor before sharing a bed with his flatmate. The thing is, however, that the information that they spent the night in Julias bedroom isn’t at all necessary for the story, since - unlike in ACD Canon - nothing of importance apparently happened during that night. John actually tells us nothing about the night as such. The only ‘feature of interest’ is that Sherlock found a suspect bottle of bubble bath on the victim’s night table, which he took to Barts for analysis (and he was right - the bath had killed Julia by poisoning). Obviously, John could have described this crime scene investigation entirely without mentioning that they had spent the night there. So, if this little morsel of information was so embarrassing for him, why did he even include it? Hmm... 

In my biased mind, I can only think of two alternative explanations (not mutually exclusive, though): 1. John had spent so much fantasies and subconscious energy on reliving this night that he just couldn’t keep this info entirely to himself (Freudian slip), or 2. Something actually happened that night - something that had no bearing on the case. After all, John never says that he slept on the floor, only that he was going to sleep on it. ;) 

Speaking of bubble bath, I find the fact that Julia died from it slightly suggestive, and even metaphorical, as such. Because there’s also another case on John’s blog describing someone dying in a bath: The Deadly Tealights. The victim suffocated in a bathroom where the candles consumed all the oxygen. John has included this little comment:

Why does John bring up the idea that a person taking a bath with candles would potentially be judged? What has his own bath routines to do with the crime case? Does the victim really need John to find excuses for his private life? Methinks this rather might be John’s closet angst speaking again. Someone has tried to belittle John for liking baths, and apparently John seizes the opportunity to vent about it on the blog. Metaphorically, this tells me that the closet is suffocating for John, and that the ‘chemistry of love’ is involved.  

John - The Moral Compass

John is often referred to as the part of the duo who a) is more sociable and b) works like a sort of moral guide to Sherlock. The detective, on the other hand, is shown as a “sociopath” who supposedly doesn’t understand this kind of things. And – to be honest – Sherlock doesn’t actively say much to contradict this perception; sometimes he even appears to agree with it.

(I think his actions should be a clue to the contrary, though).

According to the blog, John seems to believe he himself is the adult one in this acquaintance, the one who does understand the rules of society. He repeatedly calls Sherlock “childish”. Judging by John’s descriptions in the blog, one might almost think that John had been forced to hang out with Sherlock, trying to do the best of it. But seeing as it’s entirely voluntarily it’s a bit hard to understand, for example, how John can blame Sherlock for “leaving me and Sarah to be kidnapped” in The Blind Banker:

John makes is sound like Sherlock left them to the enemy deliberately, knowing that someone would come after them. But weren’t they at home, supposedly on a date? If John didn’t like it, couldn’t he have left any moment and gone out to continue the date he was supposed to? But no; John counts himself among the innocent persons whom Sherlock “involves in his adventures”:

After reading the whole of John’s blog, all I can say is that this guy is a living, breathing contradiction. How can he be Sherlock’s moral compass if his needle is spinning all the time? :))

In The Great Game John describes himself as just a “pawn” in Sherlock’s and the killer’s great game, equalling himself with the other victims. With his insinuations, he indirectly blames Sherlock for the death of 12 people and goes back to Sally Donovan’s “freak” accusations:

Another interesting bit is this, describing Sherlock’s reaction at the pool, when John for a moment appeared to be behind everything: “I should have been horrified that he'd even doubt me for a second…” Wait – what!? John is capable of telling the whole world the most damning rubbish about his friend, but if Sherlock for any second doubted John, he’d be horrified? This part is also of interest: “But the laser sight simply moved to Sherlock's head and I was forced to let go. For a second, I wondered if Sherlock would have done the same for me but then all I knew for certain was, at that moment, I knew I was going to die.”

Before that, John had just described what could easily be interpreted as Sherlock calmly trying to talk Moriarty out of having John killed, but to John this was just “The two men talked, both clearly pleased to…”.  In John’s view, he was the only one who was forced to let go of the killer because of the threat to Sherlock. Honestly, who is it, between the two of them, that most appears to lack empathetic capacity?

Creds and Competence

John appears to be a rather honest, humble and straightforward in the show, quite competent in his medical profession, and in TSoT he is highly praised by Sherlock:

But on the blog John is more ambiguous, and he isn’t always modest. Sometimes he appears to enhance his own role in the crime solving and take credit also for things that are clearly Sherlock’s doing. For example, in The Great Game there’s this: 

“Between us, we worked out that while Connie's death had been made to look like the result of a tetanus infection, it had actually been caused by poison - their houseboy, â–“â–“â–“â–“â–“, had overdosed her on Botox!”

But if we’re supposed to believe the show, John actually believed it was a tetanus infection, while Sherlock deduced and later demonstrated poison:

John also expresses a slightly childish vindictiveness in making a lot of fuss about Sherlock’s failures; every single time Sherlock can’t solve a case, John points it out on the blog with glee. It almost gives me the impression that the doctor is suffering from inferiority complex. He even uses  “Sherlock Holmes Baffled“ as a title for one of their cases.

This seems to be written in jest, since Sherlock frequently is rude about other people’s lower intellectual capacity, but actually hates ‘not knowing’. 

I admit that this may be funny to joke about once, but it gets a little tiresome that John has to point it out every time. Why does John even do this, even as Sherlock has explicitly asked him to not publish the unsolved cases? Which I assume would not be good for their business? 

If John truly is Sherlock’s colleague, wouldn’t he also be more interested in helping to solve the cases, rather than talk about the failures? It seems to me that John is struggling so hard against his own feelings for Sherlock that he feels the need to provoke rather than help him.

The Most Inhuman Human

Sherlock’s supposed lack of humanity is a recurring theme for John; he claims that “people” want to know that Sherlock is human, as if anyone - on the blog or in the show - except John had ever questioned this. 

I can’t remember anyone on the blog except John showing an interest in this issue, though. In the post Many Happy Returns he writes this (my bolding): 

“Yet the video... it showed the other side to him. He was rude, yeah. Arrogant. Apparently lacking in anything resembling empathy. But I'd forgotten just how funny he could be. He was so charming. So... human. It's bizarre because most people would say he was the most inhuman person they'd ever met. But he wasn't.”

He wasn’t? Wow - great revelation, John! [sarcasm :)]. But who said that, actually? Not even the haters and trolls on John’s blog ever claimed Sherlock was inhuman. It’s one thing that Donovan and Anderson called him a freak and a psychopath, but John is the only character I can think of who has ever implied that Sherlock would not be a human being. Only John calls him a ‘machine’. Which is a load of BS of course; John really doesn’t strike me as a professional doctor when he says this, even less as a friend - always trying to mark the distance.

So what’s Sherlock’s ‘complete lack of empathy’ in that video actually about (mini-episode here)? Was it because he didn’t want to go to a birthday dinner with people? Hardly - John seems to understand this about Sherlock. Or was it maybe because of his comment: “How can John be having a birthday dinner? All his friends hate him!” Well, this probably hurt a bit (even if I rather think he sounds bitter and jealous - he wants John for himself ;) ). On the other hand, Sherlock then backtracks and seems to regret his little outburst:

Mary’s role in John’s life

The blog is where Mary Morstan appears to be introduced to John; on John’s first blog post about at least a year after Sherlock’s ‘death’, she suddenly just shows up in the comment section, sending him kisses and inviting him out:

John ignores her, though, and when his sister asks him who Mary is, he doesn’t answer. Mary seems to hang in there, however, and the next time she appears is on the Deadly Tealights post (the one with the dead flatmate in the suffocating closet bathroom). And now she’s called Mary Morstan. Next time is The Inexplicable Matchbox. Both times her only comment is ‘ignore the trolls’. John rather seems to ignore her, though. Finally, he finishes his Many Happy Returns post (which was supposed to be his last) with saying that he has now “found someone” (without naming them) and should concentrate on that. 

All this is a little bit weird, though, considering Mary’s comment in TEH, when she is logged in and reading aloud from the editor of John’s blog: “The famous blog, finally!” As if she hadn’t already read all his posts and tried to interact with him on the blog? Hmm. 

In the show Mary just seems to come from out of nowhere, suddenly showing up in the graveyard holding hands with John. 

Her anonymity reminds me of Doyle’s treatment of Mary in canon, where she’s only mentioned by name when she’s still a client, before she marries Watson.

On the blog Mary is not mentioned by name until over a year after John met her, in spite of her presence in the comment section long before that. And it’s not until John’s first post after Sherlock’s return - The Empty Hearse - that John says something appreciative of her. Suddenly she is (still without name) "...the best thing that's ever happened to me. Sorry, Sherlock :)”. For the rest of the blog posts, John’s (very scarce) answers to Mary’s comments are never flirty or appreciative in the least. Mary’s own last comment, on the very last post - this time written by Sherlock who hacked the blog after John’s and Mary’s wedding - is this: “SHERLOCK! SHUT UP NOW!”

None of this gives me the impression that John has fallen in love with Mary. The silence with which he treats Mary on the blog rather makes me think of her as someone basically not very important; a sort of substitute in a desperate attempt to fill an emptiness in his life. And I think it might be significant that as soon as John recognises the existence of Mary in his life, he seems to use her as a sort of buffer towards Sherlock. A façade. First it’s the gleeful “Sorry Sherlock :)” comment above. Vindictive, it appears. And then, in the post Happily Ever After, John insists that his and Mary’s impending (heterosexual) marriage must clearly be the reason why Sherlock chose to help a gay couple getting together, one of them leaving an abusive marriage which was basically a façade. This whole ‘conclusion’ is so stupid that I’m rendered speechless.

Summary

To summarise - for those of you with enough patience to have followed all my ramblings in this marathon meta - I think the picture of John’s character that we can discern from reading up on the whole of his blog possibly tells us even more about him than the show. If the show reflects Sherlock’s mind, albeit almost entirely focused on his own perception of John Watson, this blog might actually give more insight into how John’s own mind works. I think it shows us someone who is struggling desperately with his own feelings. Someone who is trying to mark a distance that he believes is healthy for him, but that he actually doesn’t want, towards the object of his affection, by criticising them. The full-fledged, living, breathing contradiction that is John Watson comes to its full right by the blog. We could almost say he’s ‘human’ :). Kudos to Joe Lidster and the other showmakers for providing us with this gem.

Tagging some people who might be interested: @raggedyblue​ @ebaeschnbliah​ @gosherlocked​ @sagestreet​ @sarahthecoat​  @tjlcisthenewsexy​​  @elldotsee​​ @88thparallel​​  @sherlock-overflow-error​​  @yeah-oh-shit​

[inevitably-johnlocked]

hey Steph! I wanted to know if you knew of any fics that dealt with the topic of consent, and very explicit consent, and not even necessarily for sex, but just, explicit consent and conversations of boundaries in a relationship. "hay can I kiss you? it's ok if I hold your hand? can I hold your hand when we're outside?" people talking boundaries, that type of thing... you know anything like that?

Hey Nonny!!

You know, I ABSOLUTELY KNOW that I do, but I didn’t have the foresight to pre-tag all of them as I read them, so I can’t give you ALL of the ones I have in my bookmarks, but I can definitely give you the fics I do have tagged with “Consent” or “Negotiation”, so I hope that’s okay!!

If any of my Lovelies have any that they remember or have their own fics, PLEASE add them!!

CONSENT AND RELATIONSHIP NEGOTIATION

Personal Space by probablyquantum (T, 1,814 w., 1 Ch. || Pre-Slash, Cuddles, Nightmares, Awkwardness) – John and Sherlock renegotiate the rules governing personal space. Pre-Slash.

Husband by jinglebell (E, 2,003 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., PWP, Anal, Multiple Orgasms, Fluff, Toplock) – Sherlock orgasms when John refers to him as ‘husband’.

The Marriage Proposal Negotiation by Goddess_of_the_Night (G, 2,161 w., 1 Ch. || Dev. Rel., Possessive Sherlock, Insecure Sherlock, Fluff, First Kiss, Post Mary) – Sherlock hasn’t ever really done anything the traditional way, so of course it wouldn’t bother him to propose to John even though they’re not even dating. And the fact that John is already on a date with someone else when he decides to do it? Tedious.

Perfect Solo by Itsallfine (E, 2,384 w., 1 Ch., || PWP, Solo Kink, Fantasy, Pining, Dirty Talk, Sex Toys) – Sherlock couldn’t decide how he wanted to have John that night. (The one where Sherlock uses his box of sex toys to take himself apart in every way John might have him.)

Everything by patternofdefiance (E, 4,409 w., 1 Ch. || Snuggles and Cuddles, Bed Sharing, Frottage, Vulnerable Sherlock) – John wakes up with an armful of Sherlock. This – situation – is unusual, yes, and definitely unfamiliar, but in no way does it feel wrong. Rather, it feels the exact opposite. Part 13 of I Blame Tumblr

Uninhibited by 221b_hound (M, 4,293 w., 1 Ch. || Bathing/Washing, Naked Cuddling, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Big Brother Mycroft, Relationship Negotiation, Massage, Sherlock Has a Low Libido, Pet Names) – Sherlock and John have been apart for the first time since Sherlock returned from the dead. Neither of them has had a good day. John’s gets worse when Mycroft comes to Baker Street in Sherlock’s absence to warn John Watson against disappointing his brother by expecting things to change. Mycroft has misjudged things rather badly. But finally he sods off and leaves John and Sherlock to reconnect, to give and receive comfort, and show each other that they are, indeed, perfectly matched. Part 15 of Unkissed

Beg for Mercy (Twice) by Solitary_Endeavor (E, 7,060 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Bottomlock, Bearded John, Edging, Rough Sex, Idiots in Love, Canon Compliant) – Sherlock hasn’t left the flat in four days, the itch of impatience beneath his skin too great to allow him to suffer interaction with any human being who isn’t John. This is probably a mercy that goes both ways, as he’s driving even himself mad. Sherlock supposes there is a lesson to be learned here about having himself to blame, but of course he blames Mycroft.

The doctor is in by PlainJane (E, 7,581 w., 1 Ch. || Omegaverse || Sex Therapist, Anal, Hand Jobs, Frottage, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock is a young alpha with an aversion to his cycle. John is a gender medicine specialist. Nothing could possibly go wrong… Part 1 of Doctors and detectives

Caves in the Mountains Are Seldom Unoccupied by starrysummernights & TheMadKatter13 (E, 7,925 w., 1 Ch. || Were-Creatures, Werebear John, Pseudo Bestiality, Rimming, Dub Con, Rough Sex, Come Inflation / Eating, Size Kink, PWP, Bratty Sherlock, Rutting) – “This isn’t something to play at, Sherlock,” he snapped. “If it doesn’t work out- what you’re asking of me- we can’t shrug and say ‘oh well, at least we tried’. If we do this… I could seriously hurt you. Do you understand? I could lose control. I could… I could kill you.” (This one is… REALLY REALLY kinky, heavy dub-con warning)

Just Like That by sussexbound (E, 8,442 w., 1 Ch. || First Time/Kiss, Frottage, Virgin Sherlock, French Kissing, Anal, Emotional Lovemaking, Enthusiastic Consent, Tenderness, Crying John, Bathing/Washing, Insecure John, Toplock) – John doesn’t want to talk anymore. He wants. Oh dear god, how he wants. For the first time in what feels like years he WANTS.

Evening Ride by LapisLazuli (E, 8,632 w., 1 Ch. || Public Sex, Alternate First Meeting, Humiliation Kink, Groping, Frottage, Consent Issues, Come Play) – John has a series of unexpected meetings with a stranger on the Tube.

C. sapiens by patternofdefiance (E, 8,813 w., 1 Ch. || Tentacles Porn, Magical Realism, Bottomlock, Anal / Tentacle Sex, Pheremones) – “A few weeks ago I would have thought you were impossible,” Sherlock begins, walking into the kitchen in his blue robe, and John – not quite catching on – wants to scoff and argue, No, actually, you are impossible, but then Sherlock continues: “But now I’d say you are improbable.” John thinks this might be flattering, if he could wrap his head around it, but he can’t – Sherlock is standing near, steaming his sun-baked-clean-sand smell, like the beach after rain, an alive smell, an other smell. It’s intoxicating, and John has been studiously avoiding it, but he can’t shift away now it’s so near. Now Sherlock’s so near. And then Sherlock ruins the probable-loveliness of his words and the definite-beauty of his presence by saying: “And by ‘improbable’ I mean ‘not yet scientifically acknowledged.’” Part 1 of Gifts from the Sea

John Watson’s Moon by patternofdefiance (E, 11,314 w., 1 Ch. || Werewolf John, First Time, BAMF John, First Time, Anal, Fleeting Depictions of Violence) – Sherlock finds out John is a werewolf and wants to see the transformation. It, uh, gets really kinky.

Kintsugi by distantstarlight (E, 14,772 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Regret / Remorse, Loneliness, Separation, Drug Use, Healing, Protective John, Sad Sherlock, Dev. Rel., Complicated Relationships, Love, Angst With Happy Ending, Sherlock is Called Freak, John’s Penance, Voyeurism, Doctor/Caretaker John, Guilty John, Detox, Fingering, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Slight Non-Con Turns Enthusiastic Consent, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes becomes estranged from the man he had once considered his best friend after John lets him down horribly in public. It seems that the world’s only consulting detective will be on his own once again…or will he?

Lacuna by coloredink (E, 15,607 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, Consent Issues, Drama, Amnesia) – God, it must have been terrible, to think that he would never have this again.

The Midas Touch by flawedamythyst (E, 32,231 w., 1 Ch. || Magical Realism, John has a Magical Cock, Dub Con, Healer John) – John Watson has a medical condition that means everyone he sleeps with is instantly healed of all illness and injury. This causes complications when Sherlock breaks his arm, and even more complications when Sherlock falls in love with him. Yes, this is a story where John has a literal magic healing cock. It’s a lot less cracky than you’re probably imagining. Warning: Contains complex issues of sexual consent, although not between Sherlock and John.

In the Dark Hours by hubblegleeflower (E, 51,639 w., 12 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Unreliable Narrator, Closeted Bi John, Angst, Miscommunications, Slow Burn, First Time, John’s Blog / Epistolary, Selective Mutism) – John, wounded and silent, drifts back to Baker Street for healing…and then goes home again. He visits, gets more upbeat, chattier, smiles, jokes… and still goes home again. Sherlock wants him to move back in - it just makes sense - but John shows no signs of doing so. This is the story of how John and Sherlock learn to say what needs to be said when they’re both so very, very rubbish at talking.

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w., 26 Ch. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal, Autistic Sherlock) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

A Cure For Boredom by emmagrant01 (E, 81,665 w., 8 Ch. || Dirty Talk, Threesomes, Light Dom/Sub, Sex Club, Experiments, Anal, Mildly Dubious Consent) – They’d never talked about sex in the year they’d known each other. Well, that wasn’t quite correct: Sherlock had never said a word about sex; John had bemoaned his personal dearth of it on many occasions.

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater /  Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John “Five Oceans” Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (E, 87,585 w., 43 Ch. || Pining, Love Confessions, Rape/Sexual Assault, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Villain!Mary, Suicidal Ideations, Main Character Death, Sherlock First Person POV, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Love Making, Possessiveness, Depression, PTSD, Kidnapping, Virgin Sherlock, Eventual Happy Ending) – “For a second, I allow myself to remember teaching John how to waltz. There is a special room in my mind palace for it. A big one, with a proper parquet dance floor. For a second, I go there. I remember holding him, closer than the World Dance Council asks for, excusing it with the fact that we are training for a wedding, not for a competition. For a second, I feel his hand on mine again, smell his sweat, hear the song we used. For a second, I allow myself to love him deeply. For a second, only a second, that love reflects on my face.” Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Evil Mary.

31_Days_of_Porn_Challenge_2017 Series by distantstarlight (E, 96,540 w. across 31 stories || Prompt Ficlets, Assorted Kinks, PWP) – A collection in response to the 31 Days of Porn Challenge issued by AtlinMerrik! Thanks for doing that because this has been buttload of fun (that joke never gets old). All stories will be brief stand-alone one-shots.

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w., 23 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump, Mild DubCon, Hand / Blow Jobs, Torture) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.

The Gilded Cage by BeautifulFiction (E, 326,887 w., 31 Ch. || Omegaverse || Omega Sherlock / Alpha John, Friends to Lovers, Dub Con, Reproductive Rights) – In a world where Omegas are the property of the elite Alphas, locked away and treasured by those wealthy enough to buy them, John never questioned his flatmate’s secondary gender. Sherlock Holmes was an Alpha through-and through. Wasn’t he? A chance discovery turns the world on its head, and John is left grappling to come to terms with Sherlock’s past as events conspire to threaten their future.

[swissmissficrecs]

My favorite fics of 2011

Continuing to sift through old bookmarks, here are my favorites from 2011 that are still up:

26 Pieces by Lanning (28K, E, Johnlock) Mycroft gives Sherlock the apparently simple task of solving a puzzle box containing a stolen microchip. It isn't simple.

A Life Well-Lived by Kate_Lear (20K, E, Johnlock) ‘John got scared off men by an abusive past relationship. Sherlock has to try and woo him while not scaring him off with protective possessive rage.’

A Love with No Name by aceofhearts (49K, M, Johnlock, Warstan, Mary/Irene) In which Asexual!Sherlock and Straight!John are platonically in love life partners.

A Thorough Examination / In Depth by emungere (15K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock watched John's mouth as that smile slid away too quickly. There had been something there, something he'd not had time to analyze. He was left with the unsettling impression of having witnessed an expression that didn't belong on John Watson's face at all. In its wake it left the equally unsettling thought that perhaps he didn't know John as entirely as he thought he did.

A Week in the Country by chainsaw_poet (20K, NR, Gen) Sherlock's lifestyle has taken its toll on his health and John is worried. With Mycroft's help, John coerces Sherlock into taking a holiday in the country to get some rest. Unfortunately, their trip doesn't quite turn out to be a relaxing as John had planned, when Sherlock's latest case decides to catch up with them.

Blind Man's Bluff by Rae666 (25K, T, Gen) "We are gods among mortals. But even gods must be tested." Sherlock loses his sight temporarily and must rely on his other senses and John in order to solve the case at hand. But as the killer draws closer, could the pair be in more danger than they first thought?

Contamination by LauraJV (16K, M, Gen) In which an artistic murder draws Irene Adler and her brother Nathan into the lives of Lestrade and Holmes, and Dr John Watson balances his morals against the happiness that is a warm gun.

Dehumanise Me by deuxexmycroft (26K, E, Johnlock) John is sent down for life after accidentally murdering someone, and gets snatched up to play prison wife for a strange man named Sherlock Holmes.

Disguise by kaalee (55K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock's disguises are little more than a nuisance to John until one day he walks into the kitchen dressed as someone from John's past, someone John had tried to forget.

Evidence of Human Life by thesardine (16K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock's sanity deteriorates while he and John are stranded on a deserted island.

Floriography by lbmisscharlie (21K, M, Johnlock, Warstan) Florist!AU - Sherlock is a florist and he's doing the flowers at the wedding of John Watson and Mary Morstan. John's about to marry his best friend in the world. He's happy, in love, and content with Mary. So why can't he get tall, enigmatic man who did the flowers at his wedding out of his mind?

Getting Better by noxcandida (75K, T, Gen) Tristram Holmes dreads attending his new primary school, fearing he'll be teased and bullied as usual. Only, nothing goes exactly as he thinks it will when he finds himself with a seemingly unlikely friend in Emily Watson.

In My Master's House 'Verse by BrighteyedJill (185K, E, Johnlock, Mystrade) As a new slave in the Holmes household, John is having trouble finding his place. (This series began posting in 2011 and continued until 2014)

In The Land Of The Blind by entanglednow (12K, M, Johnlock) Apocalypse.

Indecorous by Basingstoke (55K, E, Johnlockary but it’s a different Mary than in the show) In which John learns to balance a kinky girlfriend, an asexual boyfriend, a ten-inch cock, his sister, the neighbours, his friends, and his blog. Some are more balanced than others.

Lacuna by coloredink (15K, E, Johnlock) God, it must have been terrible, to think that he would never have this again.

Let's Make a Bed Out in the Rain by theimprobable1 (17K, M, Johnlock and Warstan) John is devastated after his long-term girlfriend leaves him. Sherlock helps him through it.

Level 65 Paladin Looking for Group by etothepii (10K, T, Gen) "I think I met someone," John says at his next therapist's appointment. "A friend." "Really?" Ella asks. She sounds pleased, and also surprised. "What's his name?" John nods. "Really. His name's Sherlock. He -- he plays the same game as me, the online one. We party together."

Major Pieces by Lindentreeisle (31K, T, Gen) Sherlock knew that he could thoroughly rely upon John Watson's moral sense. And that's why he knew that Lestrade was wrong, wrong, wrong.

My Phone’s on Vibrate For You by misslucyjane (21K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock texts John all the time. Today’s different.

Never-Ending Cycle (orphaned) (17K, T, Johnlock) Or, four times Sherlock Holmes attempted to propose to John Watson, and the Christmas Party at which he finally did. Sherlock thinks he's a miserable failure, John is confused, Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade provide some unsatisfactory advice, and Mummy is, as always, the solution. All in a lovely, fluffy holiday theme.

On The Ice by berlynnwohl (35K, E, Johnlock) "Sherlock, I once saw you taste a vacuum cleaner attachment that had been used as a murder weapon, so can we please not pretend that Dungeons and Dragons is too weird for you?"

Parallel by brbsoulnomming (77K, M, Johnlock) There's a case at a secondary school/University, some series of threats or string of bizarre murders that has the entire campus shaken. In the course of the investigation, Sherlock and John meet two students. And, because they both want to help with the investigation, they get to watch them become friends and fall a little in love. And that makes them feel things about themselves that they've been working very hard to not feel, thank you.

Secondary Exposure by thesardine (18K, T, Gen) After twenty years, the killer who abducted John as a child has resurfaced.  Now John and Sherlock must track him down before he claims another victim, and at the same time navigate the shifting nature of their relationship.

Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc by etothepii (20K, M, Johnlock) "Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. It's the family motto." "What does it mean?" "We gladly feast on those who would subdue us." (Addams Family crossover)

The Art Of Seduction by flawedamythyst (97K, E, Johnlock, Mystrade, Sheriarty, John/OMC, Sherlock/OMC) Sherlock ran a website called The Science Of Seduction, on which he gave advice on the best ways to get laid, wrote blog entries detailing the results of his various sexual 'experiments' and generally contributed to the stereotype of 'every gay man is a sex-mad playboy'. John avoided the thing like the plague. AU in which Sherlock treats sex like he does crime in canon.

The Baker Street Series by magicbunni (199K, T, Gen with background John/Sarah) Conspiracy and murder find Sherlock Holmes and John Watson surrounded by covert enemies in the heart of Scotland Yard. Together, they unearth clues that illuminate the scope, depth, and distorted psychology behind the crime. And, after a preemptive strike ordered by the mastermind they pursue, Holmes elects to continue the investigation under conditions that will force John Watson to fight for his friend's -- colleague's -- life.

The Penultimate Problem by Random_Nexus (18K, E, Johnlock) Angst, apocalypse-light, pseudo-hiatus, and other hijinx ensue.

The Love Song of Dr. John H. Watson by Kate_Lear (11K, E, Johnlock) John takes Sherlock out for the evening on Valentine's Day.

The Perfect Specimen by Cleo2010 (27K, E, Johnlock) After seeing John undressed for the first time and making certain observations, Sherlock quickly becomes obsessed with a certain body part belonging to his flatmate. This is the story of how that first sighting came to be and the following attempts to learn more. An unashamed masturbation-fest, first person and very detailed. It's rated explicit for a good reason!

The Poster Girl by stardust_made (67K, M, Gen) A seemingly straightforward case has Lestrade calling for Sherlock's help. Written from John's POV, this story takes place two months after the events in "The Great Game" and follows the investigation of the murder of Veronica Havisham: seventeen, popular—and murdered in Hainault Forrest on a Friday night in June.

The Progress of Sherlock Holmes by ivyblossom (62K, E, Johnlock, Warstan) “I had,” he said, “come to an entirely erroneous conclusion, my dear Watson, how dangerous it always is to reason from insufficient data.”

The Pull of One Magnet to Another by ellie_hell (46K, M, Johnlock) Mummy has arranged Mycroft’s marriage with an ex-army doctor. However, John meets Sherlock first, and sparks fly.

The Top-Secret Livejournal of Sherlock Holmes by malacophilous (23K, M, Johnlock, Sarah/John, Sherstrade) Sherlock has a Livejournal, which he updates constantly via his mobile phone and netbook. Everyone offline thinks that he's this stoic super-genius, when in reality he's a bonkers super-genius.

There's A First Time For Everything by Kate_Lear (21K, E, Johnlock) A series of 'firsts' in Sherlock's life.

Those Left Behind by nickelsandcoats (33K, E, Johnlock) After the events of The Great Game, Sherlock is on the hunt for revenge as John waits for Sherlock to join him. But deception abounds as both men struggle to come to terms with the paths their lives have taken.

What Makes Us Rich by flawedamythyst (31K, E, Johnlock) Agreeing on a compromise is one thing, living with it is quite another.

Whirlwind by rubyofkukundu (19K, E, Johnlock) You may be familiar with the following fanon ideas: 1. Sherlock was very sexually active at university. 2. It was while John was a student that he discovered he was bisexual. I decided to put the two together :D

[britishchick09]

sherlock s2 ep 3 livewatch

it’s time for the sherlock s2 finale! i’ve been keeping lockie alive for as long as possible, but I can’t stall any longer. let’s fall into the reichenbach!

here it is:

the last masterpiece ep! :D

it begins with rain! *beatles ‘rain’ plays*

john’s back with the therapist from study in pink! :o

does this take place after the fall and the rest of the ep is a flashback?

it’s been 18 months!

john called tv ‘telly’:)

OMG HE’S CHOKING UP NO POOR BBY :’(

he called sherlock ‘my best friend’ IN THE SADDEST VOICE IN THE WORLD :’(

john: “sherlock holmes... is dead.” or is he? ;)

BAM INTRO!

guy: “falls of the reichenbach...” you dodged a credit roll with that one! ;)

sherlock: “diamond cufflinks. all my cufflinks have buttons.” john: “he means ‘thank you’. ...just say it.” awww what a parent :)

sherlock isn’t one for thanks and publicity!

the iconic hat! :D

EVERYONE WANTS HIM TO PUT THE HAT ON

he reluctantly put the hat on:)

the transitions from a scene to a newspaper is so cool! :D

john’s tabloid nickname is BACHELOR OMGGGGGG

john: “what do they mean by that?” oh you know what that means buddy ;)

CONFIRMED BACHELOR OMGGG VICTORIAN GAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! (or in his case bi)

john: “we need to be more careful-“ johnlockers: “NO!!!!!”

sherlock is criticizing the hat lol :D

john called it the ‘sherlock holmes hat’ eyyyyy!!!!! ;D

john’s voice has a hint of deep love it ;)

there’s so many people touring at the castle! :o

this sneaky guy has this on his phone and i’m guessing that’s what all apps in the uk look like lol

OMG HE HACKED INTO THE SYSTEM

is it moiarty?

lestrade said ‘bloody ‘ell!’ and it was so british of him :D

he’s dancing to the background music YEP IT’S MOI ALRIGHT

YEET

OMG MOIARTY YOU DRAMA QUEEN

also is this an abominable bride reference? :o

john’s text notif sound sounds apple WHY

he has a windows laptop and an apple phone how chaotic

the smiley face!!!! :o

ooh cool american song playing in the background! :o

john: “ready?” sherlock: “yes” *PRESS CHATTER* how would anyone be ready for that?

sherlock wants to be himself but john’s like ‘no smartass’ LET HIM BE A SMARTHOLE JOHN

it’s the bbc! :D

OMFG A FAN FOLLOWED SHERLOCK INTO THE RESTROOM WTF

i bet johnlockers have actually done this because they were craaazyyyy back then...

THE FAN WANTS HIM TO SIGN HIS SHIRT WTFFFFF

sherlock knows she’s not a fan lol :D

wait is someone peeing in the background wtf

fan: “you and john watson, platonic, have you there as well!” mofftiss totally based this girl off of real johnlockers!!!!

can they please leave the bathroom I SWEAR SOMEONE IS PEEING BACK THERE IT’S SO AWKWARD

sherlock: “you... repel... me.” YAS!!! :D

HOLD UP what if this is mofftiss’ way of saying they don’t like johnlockers :o

now lockie’s in court bor-ing!

moiarty is a spider great metaphor sherlock! :D

judge: “how long-“ sherlock “not a good question.” lol :D

sherlock and moiarty knew each other for 5 minutes lol

who ate the wafer

SHUT UP WIG MAN LET SHERLOCK SHOW OFF

aaand he kicked them out

john: “you’re doing The Look again.” omg so married ♥

he finds The Face annoying lol MARRIEEEED

epic wallpaper! :D

OMG MOIARTY WAS CHEWING GUM DURING THE CRIME AND THE COURT THING DORK

and he looked at john... ;)

moiarty’s out and sherlock beeps john away,,,

he be making tea WITH HIS VIOLIN PLAYING YYYAAAASSSS!!!!!!!!!

omg there’s a shadow...

AN A CREAK

I KNEW IT WAS MOIARTY!!!!!!

sherlock lets him sit down wowza kind to a criminal! :o

moiarty: “every fairytale needs a good old-fashioned villain ;)” omg HE KNOWS HE’S A STORY CHARACTER AHHHH :o

moiarty to sherlock: “you need me.” no he needs john THANK YOU VERY MUCH

moiarty thinks sherlock’s boring SHUT UP FUNNY MEAN MAN >:(

moiarty: “that’s the problem... the final problem.” eyyyy roll s4 credits! :D

moiarty: “i didn’t tell you... but did you listeeeennnn?” lol sing-songy moiarty is funny :D

he’s doing the hand thing ♥

moiarty: “i own secrecy” who do you think you are bish brother

MOIARTY CALLED SHERLOCK ‘HONEY’ :o

WHY IS MOIARTY SAYING ‘DADDY’

THE FALL HE SAID THE FALLLLLLLL

sherlock: “i never liked riddles.” *maddie hatter rages in the distance*

he’s having a row with the machine again ;)

also that’s literally my dad with his card lol :D

ooh antiques roadshow! :D

john’s meeting mycroft why

OMG HE WAS TAKEN HOSTAGE

it’s just mycroft’s way of saying hello?

what happened in 1972

mycroft’s giving john an unrelated case... s1 finale flashback!

john’s loooong groan lol :D

sherlock is moiarty’s ‘only rival’... >:)

awww john fed some crumbs to birds :)

another unrelated case and lestrade is at the flat! :o

lestrade called lockie ‘a celebrity’ awww :)

SHERLOCK DON’T YELL AT THE CRYING LADY :(

oh he wanted her to ‘speak quickly’ ok

not ok but thaaat’s lockie!

it be moi...

sherlock SNIFF

sherlock: “brilliant, anderson?” anderson: “really?” sherlock: “brilliant impression of an idiot.” OHHHHH!!!!!!! :D

sherlock 2 NOW

john: “don’t do the smiling thing. kidnapped children..?” oh he always does the smiling thing! ;)

molly was going on a lunch date but sherlock said she’ll go with him and her little ‘what?’ is so cute! :D

sherlock’s like ‘look at all the fricks i give’ :D

aaand he left her!

sherlock: “the chemical footprints will lead us to moiarty!” all roads lead to rome, and all the footprints there lead to moiarty ;)

SHERLOCK CALLED MOLLY ‘JOHN’ OMG :D

b r i c k   d u s t

molly: “you’re like my dad. he’s dead- no, sorry-” lol :D

oh no molly’s telling a sad dad story :(

i can kind of see why people ship sherlock and molly they’re nice together :)

BUT JOHNLOCK IS BEST SHIP

although molly’s super awkward she’s so cute! :D

SHERLOCK GOT THE FAIRYTALE REFERENCE AFTER I DID YAS!!!!! :D

lestrade: “brick dust!” b r i c k  d u s t

he’s the google in 360 website! :D

they burst through the kidnapper’s door and it was like ‘someBODY once told me’! :D

omg mercury chocolate wrappers! :o

sherlock: “the more they ate, the faster they died... neat!” ...neat? :o

they found the kidnapped kids! :D

lestrade doesn’t want lockie to be himself awww :(

THE KIDNAPPED GIRL SCREAMED AT SHERLOCK NO :(

lestrade to sherlock: “i feel like screaming when you walk in!” ooh noice ;)

the jerk lady said sherlock was ‘unbelievable’ coolio she’s a bit nice! :D

MOIARTY HACKED THE TAXI TV OMG :o

also there are tvs in taxis OMG :o

lestrade called sherlock and john ‘csi baker street’ lol :D

moiarty’s connecting sherlock to sir bostalot hmm... ;)

hmmm....

sherlock: “what was that on the tv?” cabbie: “no charge...” *drives away* OHHHH

OMG SHERLOCK ALMOST GOT HIT BY A DAR

OMFG WAS HE ALMOST SHOT WTF WAS THAT

john to the rescue!!! :D

the guy was shot not lockie coolio

sherlock uses a mac WHYYY :(

sherlock: “dust is eloquent” mrs. hudson in a whisper: “what’s he on about???” lol :D

lockie vlogs! :D

sherlock: “this is a game, lestrade, one i’m not willing to play.” so the game is not on, then?

john: “i know you for real.” sherlock: “100%” awww :)

john: “no one could fake being suck an annoying dick all the time.” OHHHH!!!!! :D

guy: “yer a bloody idiot, lestrade!” and yer a bloody brit aren’t ya?

mrs. hudson said ‘ooh hoo’ just like oaken! :D

OMG fairytale!!!!

lestrade and the lady knocked on the door and mrs. hudson’s like ‘don’t barge in like that!’ :D

OMG THEY’RE ARRESTING LOCKIE

WHY IS THE LADY THINKING LOCKIE DID IT HE DIDN’T!!!!!

awww sherlock and john were arrested together so romantic just girly things ♥

OMG GUN SHOT????

they’re running omg!!!!!

sherlock: “take my hand!” FRICK YES

john: “people will definitely talk!” FRICK YAAAAS!!!!!!!

just two bfs running around in handcuffs ♥

they need to coordinate while getting up the stairs... easy enough for them! ;)

THEY JUMPED IN FRONT OF A VAN JUST CRIMEY THINGS ♥

i thought the van thing was part of the drunk ep in s3 but it’s cool that-

GUN SHOTS????

they let go! :o

OMG IT’S THE CREEPY FAN!!!!

moiarty: “they didn’t have any ground coffee so i just got-” *SUSPENSE CHORD* out of context that’s hilarious :D

moiarty’s richard!!! :o

wait he’s a hired actor the frick???

THE FRICK ARE THEY ACTING??????

just because it’s in print doesn’t mean it’s real...

ok technically moiarty’s an actor BUT THAT BE KNOCKING DOWN THE 4TH WALL

an actor playing a person playing an actor... wild actorception! :o

moiarty: “i’m the storyteller! it’s on dvd...” but is it on blu-ray? ;)

sherlock: “stop it STOP IT NOW!!!!” yoda seagulls...

fan: “i can read you and you... repel... me...” DON’T USE HIS LINE BOI

sherlock: “there’s only one way to complete his game...” is it on? ;)

OMG he’s admitting his feelings to molly AND HE NEEDS HER awwww!!!! :D

the sherlolly fans loved that i bet! :D

john to mycroft: “you and him go out for coffee? you and jim?” sarah z be like ‘YAS!’ :D

OMG WAIT DID MYCROFT WORK WITH MOIARTY????

mycroft tells john to tell moiarty ‘i’m sorry’ and john just gives this ‘please’ wheeze lol :D

julie albright bouncing her basketball against her bedroom wall in ‘meet julie’ (colorized)

oh CRAP

lockie’s fidgeting with the ball awwww :)

OMG MRS. HUDSON WAS SHOT THE FRICK????????

john: “she’s DYING.... you MACHINE!!!!!!” YEAH LOCKIE YOU BISH

john: “friends protect people!” true that!

THE FRICK WHY IS BEE GEEZ PLAYING

this is the music video lol :D

omg are moiarty and lockie gonna have a dance battle like in despicable me 3 lol :D

moiarty: “our final problem... stayin’ aliiiive!!!!!” HE SO PLANNED THAT

there’s about 28 minutes left will the battle take that long?

oh he turned the song off :/

aw man moiarty has to play with the ordinary people :/

MOIARTY SAID ‘atta boyyyy’ TO SHERLOCK WHYYYYYY

ooh sherlock’s doing binary code with his fingers! :D

moiarty: “first one to sherlock is a sissy” oh SHUT UP

moiarty: “there is no key DOOFUS!!!!” WOAH MAN CALM THE FRICK DOWN

“look at ALLLLL THE FRICKS I GIVE SHERLOCK!!!!”

moiarty: “nice you chose a tall building! great way to do it!” sherlock: “do- do- do what?” oh you know what lockie :(

moiarty: “i read it in the paper so it must be true!” no!!!!

john’s here for mrs. hudson!!!! :D

she seems fine tho?

moiarty: “for me? pleeeeeaaaseee?????” OMG THAT ‘PLEASE’ WAS SO HIGH LOLOLOL!!!!!!!

toss him sherlock TOSS HIM!!!!!

moiarty’s little ‘woah woah woah!’ tho :D

aww sherlock has only 3 friends :(

moiarty about sherlock kermiting: “you gotta admit that’s sexier” WUT

NOOOOOOOOO

sherlock’s breath is so shaky :(

he said ‘privacy’ like ‘pri-va-cee’ why

he’s gonna call john!!!!!

awww smile!!!! :D

he knows that this is fake right?

moiarty’s like ‘WHAT?? WHAT DID I MISS????” BOI CALM DOWWwwwwnnnn

sherlock to moiarty: “i am you. prepared to do anything.” save that line for john plz

sherlock is ‘on the side of the angels’ awww :)

moiarty said sherlock’s not ordinary RIGHT HE’S A SPECIAL SUNSHINE ANGEL

moiarty: “you’re meee!!!!!” NOT WHAT I MEANT

they’re holding hands and standing close NOOOOO

HOLY FRICK SHERLOCK JUS SHOT MOIARTY IN THE MOUTH THE FRICK THE FRACK???????

he’s not really dead right or is that just a theory

sherlock’s like ‘oh god what have i done’ SAME WHAT DID YOU DO

it sounds like the thx theme!

oh no

i know it’s not a legitimate kermiting sewerside but DON’T FREAKING DO IT

HE’S CALLING JOHN OH FRICK

HE WANTS JOHN TO SEE HIM FALL THE FRICKKKKK

sherlock: “look up, i’m on the rooftop.” ♫ up on the rooftop, click click click, HERE COMES SAD OL’ KERMIT CLAUS ♫

CRAP

sherlock: “i can’t come down so we’ll have to do it like this.” it was only a kiss :(

an apology????

‘IT’S ALL TRUE’ THE FRICK????

is this just for moiarty’s game?

sherlock sounds like he’s gonna cry NOOOOO :(((((

john: “shut up, shut up, shut up.” SAME WTF ARE YOU SAYING LOCKIE???

sherlock: “no one could be that clever. you could.” OMGGGGG

FIRST WINSTON & JULIA AND NOW SHERLOCK & JOHN WHYYYYY

sherlock sniffled omg :’(

he researched john to impress him OH MY HEART!!!!!

it’s not a trick sherlock is legit amazing!!!!!!!!

sherlock wants john to ‘keep his eyes fixed’ NOOOOOOOO

if sherlock knows this is fake he’s doing a pretty good job at it BUT WHY JUST TO PLEASE MOIARTY OR ESCAPE THE SPOTLIGHT OR WHAT

sherlock: “goodbye john.” NO

NO

NO

OH GOD THERE WAS A CRACK

if sherlock’s alive THEM HOW WAS THERE A CRACK

WAIT JOHN JUST FELL THE FRICK IS GOING ON????

john: “i’m a doctor, he’s my friend!” yes you are AND YES YOU FREAKING ARE

it’s fake he’s not really dead OH HOW I WISH I COULD TELL YOU THAT JOHNNY :(

OMG NO :’(

THE SAD VIOLIN I CAN’T

everything is slow NOOOOO

i can’t believe mofftiss made the fans wait 2 YEARS TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED NEXT i know there was ‘many happy returns’ in 2013 BUT HOW DID THE FANS SURVIVE THAT LONG WITH THAT ENDING????

it’s raining now perfect

gun????

therapist: “he didn’t say it. say it now.” john: “sorry, i can’t.” he said ‘i love you’ :(

awww john and mrs. hudson! :’(

omg she’s crying no!!!! :(

john to sherlock’s grave: “you were the best man and the most human i’ve ever known.” awww :’)

john: “one more miracle for me, sherlock. don’t. be. dead.” miricale granted my friend ;)

OMG WHAT HE WAS STANDING THERE THE WHOLE TIME WITH JOHN SUFFERING LIKE THAT THE FRICK?????

that’s the end of s2! that was a much better finale than s1 and it’s definitely the best ep of the series so far. there’s a lot of exciting turns AND WHAT EVEN IS THE ENDING??? you knocked it out of the park mofftiss! i can’t wait to see what s3 has in store besides mary, drunk times and the wedding!

and to quote the blog... ‘#sherlocklives #johnwatsonlives’ ♥

[honeypiehotchner]

Deception (John Watson x OFC) -- part fifteen

Alright, the idea I have in mind for this story’s ending is insane and you’re going to hate me for a second when it happens, but it’ll work out fine, I swear. Anyway, enjoy this fluff.

One morning – or rather, afternoon, because John and I accidentally stayed up until the early hours of the morning doing…things. We sleep well past morning.

           Not the point. John wakes me by kissing every place he can. My nose, my cheeks, my forehead, my ears, my collarbones, my hands, and of course, my lips.

           “There’s one way to wake a woman up,” I mumble, giggling when he pulls me closer, attacking my face with more of his kisses. “What’s got you in such a good mood?”

           “Waking up next to you,” John replies smoothly, as if it needed absolutely no thought at all, and it scares me because it probably didn’t.

           I keep my expression calm, though, not wanting to give anything away. He doesn’t know that in about two months time, his best friend will be returning to London. And by returning to London, I mean Sherlock Holmes will be reuniting with John presumably to go back to the way things were before he jumped ship. I’m not sure where I will be in that equation.

           But I’m choosing not to worry about it right now. I want to spend my last few weeks with John completely in the present moment. We can cross the other bridge when we get to it. Or burn it. However it plays out.

           “I want to take you somewhere today,” John says suddenly, steering me away from anymore bad thoughts.

           I raise my eyebrows. “Where?”

           John hesistates, taking a deep breath and taking one of my hands in his before he replies. “To see Sherlock.”

           For a fleeting moment, panic settles into my bones. But then I remember the reality of it all, and sadness covers me instead.

           He means…Sherlock’s gravesite. Of course.

           “John…” I whisper, my free hand reaching up to hold his face gently. “Are you sure?” I don’t know how long it’s been since he’s gone back there. When he was in therapy with me, he said he visited every week, but that’s been months ago now. I’m not sure he’s been back since then.

           “I’m sure,” John says quietly. “Please.”

           “Okay.” I brush some of his hair back, earning a small smile. “Okay. I’ll go.”

           It takes some time to get John out of bed and moving around after that. I wonder briefly if he even expected me to agree to go see Sherlock. Well, to see Sherlock’s grave. Because the real Sherlock is very much alive and miles away. Scotland, last I checked. Far too close for my liking, but he’s going to be much closer soon enough.

           I shove the thoughts away and get dressed as John does the same. He doesn’t live here, of course, but he’s spent so much time that he might as well. He has clothes that he’s left here, and I have clothes left at his place as well. I catch one of his shirts in my pile of dirty laundry probably as often as he washes some of my things, too. He has a toothbrush here, just as I have one there. I even bought snacks that I know he likes after he did the same for me.

           Domesticity is one hell of a drug.

           After getting ready, John is practically bouncing off the walls with nerves. You would think I was taking him home to meet my parents

           “Hey.” I put my hand on his arm, his nerves melting away enough for him to calm and look me in my eyes. “Let’s get lunch.”

           “Now?” John asks. “Or after?”

           I smooth my hand down his arm, squeezing his fingers in mine. “What do you want to do?”

           “I don’t know,” John shakes his head. “Choose for me.”

           “Let’s do it first,” I decide. “You need something to eat. And it’ll calm you down.”

           John furrows his eyebrows, deflecting. “I’m plenty calm.”

           I take John’s other hand, tugging on them both to make him step closer, and when he does, I press a kiss to his nose. “You’re nervous.” When he tries protesting, I shake my head. “It’s okay. Let’s go get lunch.”

           He accepts his defeat and opens the front door for me. We take my car, with John driving because it’ll give him something else to focus on. We go back to the fish and chip shop that we ate at on our first date. I didn’t ask, John just drove there.

           It’s a nice surprise. Full of memories and the atomosphere does do wonders at calming John’s nerves. I’m not sure what he’s so nervous for, anyway. We’re going to Sherlock’s gravesite, not to actually see Sherlock.

           On the drive to the cemetery, I have a fleeting thought of what if Sherlock is standing there. But I like to think he knows better. He wouldn’t do that to John. Or me, if he cares about me at all, though I’m wondering if he does because of John and I’s relationship.

           I place my hand on top of John’s as he drives, the touch as reassuring for him as it is for me. What we have together…it’s nothing I’ve ever felt before. I’ve had relationships before, but none like this.

           None that have made me wish so badly that I wasn’t an undercover agent. All relationships before, they knew who I was, they were agents themselves. It wasn’t a secret. But now that it is—I don’t want it to be. Now I desperately wish I was normal. A therapist, even. Something mundane. If this was different, if I was an actual therapist and John and I had met the way we did, exactly as it was, but without Sherlock and without Mycroft.

           No one has ever made me feel so loved, so cared for, but John doesn’t know the real me. I’d like to fool myself and say that he does, that being an agent doesn’t define me, but it does, whether I like it or not. I’ll have to tell him someday I’m sure, but if I could, I’d keep what Mycroft assigned me to do a complete secret. I’d tell John I’m a retired agent, and that I’m sorry for keeping it from him, but nothing about Sherlock or Mycroft. None of that matters.

           John pulls the car around to park on the curb. He takes in a deep breath as he turns off the engine, looking over at me. “We’re here.”

           “Alright.” I squeeze his hand again. “Are you ready?”

           John nods, steadies himself, and says, “Yeah.”

           It didn’t sound convincing, but now isn’t the time to tease him, so I don’t. Instead, I hold tight onto his hand as we walk through the grass.

           Cemeteries always have this certain air about them. I’ve never been one to entertain the idea of the paranormal, but I can feel it especially when I step foot in a cemetery. I think anyone can.

           “It’s just over here,” John speaks idly, nodding toward a tree. “Sherlock always stood underneath this tree when he was thinking. I guess it only seemed right for him to be buried here.”

           The pain in John’s voice is unmistakable. I wrap myself around his arm, holding him close. “It’s what he would’ve wanted, then.”

           John chuckles, shaking his head and pressing a kiss to my hair. “I don’t think anyone really knows what Sherlock wanted. Not even Sherlock.”

           “That might very well be true,” I murmur thoughfully.

           Sherlock’s grave is, quite honestly, what you’d expect. Sleek and black with his name – SHERLOCK HOLMES – written in gold letters. No birth or death date. I almost laugh to myself, and would have if John weren’t stood next to me.

I lean my head on John’s shoulder. “What do you think he’d say? If he saw us?” I probably shouldn’t wonder aloud about it, especially not to John of all people, but I can’t help it.

“Sherlock never liked any of my girlfriends—or maybe it was the other way around,” John almost lets out a real laugh, which I wasn’t expecting at all. Maybe he really is beginning to move on. “Regardless, I wish you could’ve met him. I think he would’ve liked you.”

I smile. I know John means that.

Still, it pains me to stand here knowing Sherlock is alive, not underneath us. Knowing that he’ll be returning soon, much sooner than I’d like, when John is finally healed from it all. Of course, recovering from something that traumatic is a uphill battle, and John does still have his days. But the man I am standing next to now is no longer the shattered shell of what once was a brilliant doctor. Now, those cracks have been sealed. John Watson is once again the brilliant doctor and the bravest soldier I’ve ever known. He went through literal war, came home and fought another alongside his best friend, and fought another all alone and he won.

“You’re so strong, you know that?” I lift my head, turning my head to look at John, waiting for him to look back at me. When he does, he smiling, but he’s got a funny expression on his face. “John…don’t argue with me.”

“I didn’t say anything!” He protests.

“Yes, you did.” I squeeze him closer. “With your eyes.”

He makes a noise between a scoff and a laugh, shaking his head. “I love you.”

My breath catches in my throat. I love you. We haven’t said that yet. Hard to believe, I know, because it’s been almost a year since we began dating, but…we’ve taken our time. I’m not one to love easily and I know John isn’t either, so I never felt like we needed to say it.

But now…now it’s all clear.

John turns his head again, offering a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry—”

“I love you, too,” I interrupt, squeezing his hand. “How long have you been waiting to say that?” I tease.

“Since the first day I met you,” John confesses, pressing a kiss to my surprised mouth.

“What? You hated me!”

“I did not.”

“Well, you certainly acted like it. I was sure you wouldn’t be coming back after the first session.”

“And thank God I did,” John murmurs, pulling me close.

“Yes,” I agree, craning my neck so our noses brush against one another’s. “Thank God.”

[notsosecretspy]

The Kids Aren’t Alright pt. II

****************

Hello guys, gals, and non-binary pals! This is part two of my 2015 fan fiction. So be prepared again for some throwback 2015 fan fiction style. If you enjoy the nostalgia, like it currently, or find it humorously bad, I hope you enjoy!

Warnings:, cringe writing, talk of past child abuse, talk of child neglect, cursing, talks of PTSD and schizophrenia, slight misogyny (seriously what was going on with past me?)

Word Count: 1,500

*****************

The Start of a New Life

“Hello Mr. Holmes. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” I say, using the most polite voice I had.

“Likewise.” His cold eyes squint and a forced, toothless grin and an outstretched hand is what meets me. I return my own and give a curt handshake. His look made me feel like I was a specimen, like I was some sort of puzzle that he was trying to figure out. It actually makes me slightly uncomfortable, I hope he isn’t always going to be this weird all the time.

“Well, Mr. Holmes, after checking out your profile you are clear for the adoption,” Mrs. Shanon drops smoothly as she hands him the forms. I wonder how she could say it so casually as if she was repeating her grocery list and not as if she didn’t just say something that would be so monumentally life changing to me.

I could feel my mouth go slack a bit as I glimpse towards the forms and see I’ll be living at 221B Baker Street. Although my jaw doesn’t tense I could feel the effort go immediately into trying to reign in my thoughts. Already? I just met the guy. This is a really exciting opportunity. We should just at least try it out, right? How do they know that he won’t try and hurt me? Remember what our therapist said, not everyone is trying to hurt us and you have to be willing to trust some people at least a little bit. Can he really pay for all my medicine? I really have a lot. Did you see his coat and suit? He doesn’t seem to be short on money. Deep breath, and take a leap of faith on him.

“Go get your things, Josie.”

I didn’t say anything but simply nodded my head and walked out of the room. The steps that I never really took much notice seemed to creak extra loud to me, like they wanted me to stay. When I reached the top and looked at the hall, it had apparently grown in length since I last treaded upon it as I walked towards my room. Taking a breath as I looked at my room, my home, for the last time, I continued my leap of faith and walked towards my wardrobe. I always thought I had more than I did, and opened the simple two drawers and realized that I didn’t have a lot. Besides my clothes on me, I had my uniform, an extra pair of pants, socks, and an extra tank top. Hopefully since he seems to have a good amount of money I could get some more clothes so I wouldn’t have to wash mine as much. Also in my drawer was a backpack Mrs. Shanon gave me from Thailand, and my phone and computer as well as their coordinating chargers, a quilt I had sewn when I was little, and a teddy bear that I won at a fair Mrs. Shanon took me too.

Mrs. Shanon took care of us like we were her own kids, when we were new at least, then she forgets us and moves on to the next one. I haven’t done much with her since I was like 7 but she was still like my family. But, maybe this time they’ll be a bit more fair to me. So, with nothing left to distract myself with, I put all of it in my backpack and grabbed my violin that I had a friend that had painted it to look like Starry Night, and headed down to the office.

When I come back down I see Mr. Holmes standing outside the room and is fervorously typing something on his phone, so I walk back into the room with Mrs. Shanon instead.

“Goodbye Josie, I hope you have fun in your wonderful new home.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Shanon,” I say while tightening my arms around her. Tears pricked my eyes unexpectedly as she let go. She gives me a crooked smile, one who is not wanting to say goodbye just yet and so she gives me the traditional £50 that she gave everyone and folds her arms into herself.

“You’re welcome Jose. Now go on,’ she says with a nod of her head, ‘Go enjoy your new life.” Giving her one last squeeze I exit the door to a now unoccupied Sherlock and we start walking towards Baker Street who had gently reached out a hand to take my violin from my hands, which I gratefully did.

The walk on the busy pavement is oddly quiet and not at all what I expected from my first time with my adopted parents. Though, I feel like his eyes seem to be baring into me.“So, um, should we play 20 questions or something?”

“I don’t know. Is that what people usually do?” He replies while turning to me briefly.

“I guess I don’t really know. But anyways, I can tell you were kind of uncomfortable with having to be professional or whatever, so you can feel free to be yourself now and drop the entire act thing,” I feel my face heat and throw a look towards him, only to see him have a quick flash of surprise or maybe curiosity. “So, how much do you know about me? I can tell you’re curious and I’m really not sure how extensive my file is. Maybe we should play the game and get to know each other a bit more. But, I also guess that you can probably read me in a similar way I’ve been observing you so you might know more than me.”

“So you are a clever one,” Sherlock smirks and finally turns some more attention towards me. “Well Josephine, I have a few things that I’ve deduced about you and from the file. By your unconscious behavior I would think that you were abused as a child from some scars that are visible and I am guessing there are more on your back from the way you layer your clothes, there are more layers on the places you want to hide the most. Also you have post traumatic stress disorder and schizophrenia from your meds that I am paying for, Zyprexa and Fanapt. Also you are a talented musician, you are able to play the piano and violin from the calluses and shape of your fingers. Also, from the graphite on the side of your hand I can guess that you are an artist and choose pencil drawings as your medium. Should I go on?”

What the fuck man? Why did he have to bring that stuff up since I still barely know him? “Um, no, thanks. You ,show off, can calm down a bit.” I try to give a short laugh despite my discomfort. I see him casually roll his eyes, “So, what can you deduce about me?”

I take an elongated breath in, “Well,” I say mimicking his voice though I’m still a bit shaken, “I can observe from you that you play the violin as well from the mark underneath your chin and your chapped fingers. You probably practice quite often with how prominent they are on your skin. I assume you also live with someone in your flat, you don’t seem the type to live in a house and seem to also want at least someone around so you aren’t alone. My guess that it might be a man in the flat at 221B Baker Street, since I’d assume if you did live with a girl you’d want them to come with us to make me feel more comfortable with going to live with you. But, moving on, I think you are a detective but not really, since you seem to be more intelligent than necessary for police work, but my guess is that you at least still work with them since you have that badge shape in your pocket. Also,you don’t seem to live in the presence of children at all since you are clearly a bit unsure how to be in mine. By your lack of clear occupation on the form I’d guess you have a sibling or similar person who is higher up in some sort of authority where you get a small income of money from since you still have your flat. And from your slight twitching in your fingers I’d guess that you have or had some sort of addiction... Shall I go on?”

He gives a light laugh and with amusement in his eyes gives me a look. “No you’ve done quite well. And, it’s a brother that I have. He’s my only sibling.”

I simply give a grin and nod my head. Before I knew it we were turning towards the door of the flat. He produces a key from his pocket and turns the golden knob. We walk up a set of stairs and open a sturdy wooden door.

“Hello John. I’m here with the girl.”

[iamshurjohned]

:D why yes i will!

"Sherlock, please don't do this!"

"I'm sorry John...goodbye."

John sat bolt upright as he watched the body of his friend hit the pavement. It wasn't exactly how it happened but it had been traumatic enough that he had made up parts in his mind and dreamed about it for weeks.

He laid back and looked over at Mary who lay soundly sleeping and he frowned deeply. He couldn't keep up pretense anymore. With a heavy sigh he went down into the kitchen and made breakfast.

Breaking up with her was easier than he thought. It seemed she had started to see his distance and really only stayed because she feared for his safty. She left and they agreed to be friends, but John had a deeper confession.

For this he went to his therapist. But it wasn't quite as easy as he thought it would be.

"Tell me what you're feeling John. You seem to be more affected by Sherlock's death now more than ever."

He inhaled deeply.

"I think I'm ready."

"Ready for what?"

"To say all those bloody things i wanted to say to him. In just the moment before he..."

Tears came to his eyes and he closed them, leaning his head back.

"Right bastard."

"It's okay to let it out John. You really need to. If you keep bottling it up, you're going to explode."

He gave a snort through his tears and dropped his head into his hand.

"I've exploded. I shot the wall. I screamed. I broke every piece of glass i owned. It's been so bloody hard not to explode. I bought a junk car and destroyed it. But the worst....the worst is the dreams. Sometimes i stop him. Sometimes i tell him everything..."

He was breaking down. How could she understand?

"So...what did you want to say to him? Call his phone and leave a voicemail if it hasn't been cut off yet."

He thought about this for a moment before nodding. He pulled out his phone and let it go to voicemail, cracking again as he heard the voice. The voice he couldn't get out of his head.

"Sherlock..."

He began in a happy tone.

"Oh god who am i trying to kid? I hate you. I loathe you. You took my pieces and you fixed me. And then when i was used to being whole you..."

He hung up and called back.

"I'm sorry Sherlock...what i meant to say is...i love you. I love your voice. And your hands and your hair and the stupid smile you give me when you think I'm being dumb..."

He looked at her. Surely it was her job to be open minded.

"More than that Sherlock...I'm IN love with you. You can't jump off that building because i NEED you. And if you do this...I'll never forgive you because it'll break me into unfixable pieces. Without you in my life i will shrivel and die."

He hung up and called back.

"Sherlock listen. I'm sitting here in my therapists office having a disgusting break down. With tears and snot and red faced. I broke it off with Mary. She's okay. And I'm glad someone is because you're gone and you'll never hear this. And you'll never know how much better you made me. And you are a right bastard for not knowing before. I gave you all of the hints i could think of. I get it. You're married to your work but god...damn it Sherlock, don't you realize there are ten thousand people who love you. And I'm stupid because i thought i was special. I wanted to be better than all of them. And i can't get your voice out of my head...that's it...that's all i wanted to say. Goodbye..."

Sherlock was in tears as he listened to these messages. He looked up at Molly who nodded in understanding.

John tried so hard to move on. He dated a string of men and women but they all reminded him of Sherlock and he couldn't keep a solid one more than one or two dates. And here he sat, trying to pay attention to the attractive blond in front of him but she had lost his interest nearly as soon as she began talking.

"Hello."

A painfully fake French accent greeted.

"What can i get you to drink this evening?"

He started to answer before he looked up and his blood ran cold. First he felt so shocked he thought he might pass out right there. And then relief. Sherlock wasn't dead after all. And finally a rage he had been supressing for a long time. He stood.

"You cheeky son of a bitch! How dare you come back into my life now?!"

Before Sherlock had a second to respond. John had hit him in the side of the head. He blacked out for a few seconds until several people had grabbed him. Sherlock lay on the ground with his arms over his head. He hadn't had time for defence.

John stood there breathing hard as he stared at him.

"Did you hear them?"

His tone was surprisingly even.

"John just please hear me out."

John tried to break free of them.

"DID. YOU. HEAR. THEM?!"

Sherlock sat up slowly, tears now filling his eyes as he was helped to his feet.

"I did. Thirty times. But i did what i had to, to keep you safe."

And John broke. He crumbled at Sherlock's feet.

"I'm sorry....I'm so sorry."

Sherlock took a deep breath and waved away the police before kneeling to John. He wrapped his arms around him and kissed his head softly.

"John...Moriarty had things set in place that would see worse than death for you. If i didn't die...i...I'm sorry it had to be like this. But please, let's go home. We can talk more there. "

John struggled to his feet and nodded, giving an apologetic glance to the now terrified girl he'd been with.

Once back at the flat John really let him have it. He screamed and cried and punched the couch cushion. And he fell on his knees in horrendous sobs and he paced the floor like the devil himself was chasing him.

And Sherlock remained silent, listening to everything John had to say. And he comforted his tears and apologized for his rage, and held the cushion up for John to hit. And when he was exhausted, a sobbing mess on the floor, it was Sherlock's turn to speak.

He got down on John's level and took his face into his hands and looked into his blurry red eyes.

"John. I'm sorry i hurt you. I'm a horrible man. I manipulated you and i tortured you. I did not enjoy it one bit. But i won't apologize for keeping you safe. Since you confessed to me..."

He closed his eyes, resting his head to John's as his own tears began again.

"I fell in love with you instantly. But you're right. I am married to my job. I deny myself love so that i don't have weaknesses. But Moriarty discovered it. He found out how much i love you. How i would die for you and he tested me. He wanted to see if it was real. "

John pulled back and looked at him. He stared at the gaunt broken face of a man who had slept even less and not eaten in months. And he took a deep breath.

"Sherlock..."

He gently touched the quickly forming bruise on the side of his head and frowned as he flinched.

"Can you forgive me John?"

John didn't answer at first, only slowly taking Sherlock's hands. He leaned forward and kissed him deeply. Sherlock didn't pull away and afterwards they sat there on the floor of 221b and held each other, silently crying into each other. Finally john broke the silence with a half hearted chuckle.

"So. Shall we have dinner in? I don't know about you but I've cried myself into starvation. "

Sherlock snorted and sat back, resting an arm over his bent knee and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket.

"There you go againJohn, always thinking with your stomach. You should try your brain sometime, it might surprise you. "

John chuckled and got up.

"Prick."

Sherlock laughed and lit the cigarette as he got up. They went outside and shared it as they talked. John apologized multiple times but Sherlock just waved him off.

"You know what I'm thankful for John? The best thing that's come out of this?"

John looked up, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. It was like they had never been apart.

"What's that?"

Where Sherlock would normally say something off the wall or funny, or even shocking, this time he looked John directly in the eyes.

"That there's so much light in my future. Because I'll be able to openly share it with you. I will be able to tell you i love you and wake you up with kisses."

"And sex?"

Sherlock chuckled.

"And sex."

John took a deep breath and put it out on the railing.

"What i really think the best thing was coming to realize all too late how i felt, and then having a second chance to not screw it up. I'm never going to be with anyone else because no one else is ever going to be Sherlock Holmes. "

Sherlock kissed him for a long moment before they went back in.

"Dinner out."

Sherlock said as he started up the stairs.

"Friend of mine owes me a bet. Free dinner for the both of us."

John laughed and after they changed, they took hands and walked to the little place they had their first real conversation. That night they shared the first meal together, both knowing now that they would never be lonely again.

[allaroundcringey]

Dependency ~ Sherlock Holmes

Chapter 4 ~ Park Benches and Deductions

Pairing : Sherlock x Female Reader

Summary : After a few years John Watson was left no choice but to call his old school mate Amelia Harold. The matter of the call you ask? Sherlock's drug problem. What started out as a simple phone call to help out his friend turned out to be so much more: it gave Amelia Harold a chance to find out who deemed her father guilty of murder. Full of friendship, truth, heartbreak, suspense, and love this story showcases what matters most in life: your friends and family.

Warnings : mention of drug abuse, addiction, and emotional abuse in later chapters

TW : Panic attacks

A/N : as you might have noticed in the first few chapters I tend to tie the story in a bunch. I'm going to start leaning away from doing that because truly there is a theme and moral and ect to my story that I want to convey- not just the television show of Sherlock. I plan on mentioning the plot a few times for key plot points but other than that it'll be a lot of original work!

Also, some of this chapter hits close to home so if anyone else deals with those issues I wish you the best and just know everything will be okay <3

***I do not own any of these characters, plot ideas, and lines taken directly from the show (though there are only a few of those) anything pertaining to Amelia is my original work.***

Of the many mornings Amelia found herself stumbling into 221B she had not been met with such disarray. The scene that unfolded in front of her was Sherlock frantically running around, leaving behind his monstrously loud footsteps. He seemed to be searching through everything possible in the flat with no true plan of where and how to look. Papers flew everywhere along with several components to Sherlock's experiments.

John was sitting on the couch, head in his hand clearly looking fed up with the mans actions. A small part of Amelia wanted to slowly back out before anyone noticed her, but before she could seize the chance Sherlock spotted her from the corner of his eye. Moving like a trained dog he looked her body up and down and even grabbed the small bag Amelia was carrying. He dumped the contents across the floor and shuffled through them swiftly.

"You absolute arse! What the fuck was that for?!" Amelia exclaimed, waving her arms every which way.

"Drugs." Sherlock bluntly stated with absolutely no emotion.

"Sherlock you complete lunatic take a minute to breath and sit down!" John yelled which shut Sherlock up for a minute and made Amelia quiet down as well.

"Has he been like this all morning?"

"No-" Sherlock started.

"Oh yes he has. Since precisely 4 am last night. Woke me up from the sound of his gun. All because he was bored! Bored. I am at the expense of him because he can't find anything to entertain himself." John sounded exasperated and Amelia couldn't blame him. Living with Sherlock seemed like living with a toddler.

Before Sherlock could run past Amelia for the god only knows number of time she stopped him dead in his tracks by placing her hands firmly on his shoulders. Sherlock's expression was displayed as if he was a shocked child who got in trouble.

"Do you need the drugs or do you just need a distraction from whatever is going on in your brain?"

"Drugs." Sherlock grumbled, but instead of continuing his search in an act of defeat he flopped down into his chair.

"How are you John? Do you need anything?" Amelia asked, walking towards the couch and sat next to him.

"A cup of tea would be lovely-" Before John could finish his request Amelia shot up from the couch and steadily made her way over to where Sherlock was sulking.

"I know what we're going to do. I'm taking you to the park. Right now." Thankfully Sherlock was already dressed so they could go right out the door. Abandoning her bag and the spilled contents, she marched right over them while dragging Sherlock behind her.

"I'm already a third wheel." John muttered as the door slammed in front of his face.

~

"Mother of 3. Want's to separate from her husband. Does NOT want the kids." Sherlock pointed at the woman across the park who was walking past with a phone held to her ear, obviously in a heated conversation.

Amelia and Sherlock found themselves sat next to each other on a park bench. Between them sat a serving of chips that they were taking turns indulging in. Amelia's idea to distract Sherlock was to simply give him a task he had to complete. He had to deduce the public who found themselves at the same park. Amelia was glad they couldn't hear his deductions- most of them were quite rude and blunt.

"How do you know she's a mother of 3 and doesn't want her kids?"

"For one her body looks like she has had at least one child. Considering she is discussing divorce over the phone means that her and her husband have had time to grow apart, meaning time to have more kids. The average amount of kids a family has in this part of England is 3. And the fact that her kids are not with her at a park means she has some kind of resentment towards them."

"Makes sense." Amelia sighed.

"It's more than makes sense! It is fact. I am never wrong." Sherlock heatedly replied.

"Yes you are." Amelia wore a smug smile, knowing she was about to prove him wrong.

"No I'm not."

"The other day. You treated me differently because you thought I was fragile."

"I did nothing out of the ordinary-"

"I am not fragile. I have my moments like everyone else. But never mistake me for fragile." She took a moment before continuing on. "And I'd like to think you are the same way. You have your moments. Like this morning. But you are also not fragile."

"That man is currently having an affair with his wife's brother." Sherlock muttered turning away from Amelia.

She noticed anytime Sherlock was given the chance to open up and be real he always shut it down. She understood why he did, she acted the same way when anything about her dad was brought up. Amelia wasn't ignorant enough to think it was fine to live like that though. Sherlock was the exact opposite.

"You try." Sherlock spoke up suddenly.

"What?"

"You take a turn deducing people."

"No way in hell I'm capable of doing that." Amelia laughed in doubt at what Sherlock suggested.

"It's quite simple actually. For example," Sherlock took a moment to look around at the people who made up the park, "if someones finger nails are short and dirty they work in construction.'

"Well there's a bunch of construction workers over there. They definitely work in construction." Sherlock rolled his eyes at Amelia's sarcastic response.

"Which of the workers are on their break though? Look away from the construction scene itself." Amelia took his words to heart and started intently studying people's hands.

"Aha!" A few minutes later she spoke seemingly have found something. "That man over there eating a hot dog. Look at his nails."

"You are correct." Sherlock wore a small yet proud smile at Amelia's first deduction.

"Did this work?" Amelia turned to sit sideways on the bench to fully face Sherlock.

"Did what work?"

"Going to the park. Did it create enough of a distraction to keep you entertained?"

"Possibly."

"You're welcome."

"I would have figured it out on my own."

"Keep telling yourself that Holmes. We should probably head back to the flat. Johnny boy might be getting lonely."

"Do me and everyone else on Earth a favor and don't call John that again." Sherlock rolled his eyes.

"Alrighty Sherly." Amelia could hear an audible gag erupt from Sherlock's mouth at her words. Taking her time at the park as a victory she started to lead the two of them back to 221B Baker Street.

~

Amelia had ended up leaving to go back to her own flat shortly after dropping Sherlock- the more tamed version- back home. Dropping her keys on the counter top, she made her way slowly towards her bedroom.

Since she left their flat she felt something building up inside. Her head felt light and hurt. Overall she felt off. It made her uncomfortable that she couldn't shake it.

When she arrived she took a deep breath and let it go. Over and over. Sitting herself on the soft ground that made up her room, she continued keeping a steady breath. Feeling the ground beneath her hands beneath her being to remind herself she was still here. Breathing in and out and feeling the carpet between her finger tips.

After being alone for so long she forgot how much it could consume her. The silence, the loneliness, the boredom, the urges. When alone every problem she accumulated piled on top of her. It was hard to breath now.

Amelia knew she had to take herself away from herself before she did anything she regretted. Going to lay down, back on the floor, she placed her hands on her stomach. Control. Control her thoughts. Breath in. Breath out. Start counting backwards in a pattern of 3 from 100. 97. 94. 91. Do it until everything

Stops.

Her panic attacks didn't last long but when they hit they hit hard. They would cause her not to be able to breath, and most times her heart would begin racing. On the outside her composure would look fine, at the most only a bit agitated. On the inside a storm was created in her mind. The wicked witch of the west would swoop in and take away her self control until she decided it was time to give it back.

Mustering enough energy to bring herself up, Amelia stood and gently lay herself on her bed. She said her affirmation statements that her therapist taught her from all those years ago. She was okay. She was alright. Everything was going to be good.

Falling into a soft slumber, Amelia allowed her body to go limp, and give herself a break.

~

"How are you liking Sherlock?" John asked Amelia as they were leaving a victim's place they had to investigate, courtesy of Sherlock's wishes.

"I don't feel anything definitive but I think he has potential." Amelia shrugged, answering John truthfully.

"Potential for what?" John had a look in his eyes that Amelia immediately picked up on. John couldn't hide the smile creeping onto his face.

"I do not plan to do anything of the sorts. I meant as a friend. Although he has few of those which is why I said nothing was definitive." Amelia explained, retaliating the suggesting looks Sherlock gave.

"Stop overthinking Amelia. You two click like two pieces in a puzzle. Dare I say more than we did." John faked gasped at the end causing Amelia to laugh.

"Straight lies you're feeding me John. Quite rude to lie to your old mate!"

"Oh stop it. You'll prove me right soon enough. Trust my love instincts." John wriggled his eyebrows in a concerning manner.

"That was the most repulsing thing I've witness in my life. And I've seen some shit. Please never do that again." Amelia shook her head in disappointment.

"Don't MAKE me do it again!" John laughed.

Amelia knew that her and Sherlock would only be friends. If at all. Right now she was mainly making sure he didn't take any drugs. Even though all of that was true she couldn't help but think of what could happen though. What if something happened that was beyond friends? Not wanting to entertain the thought she pushed it away and tried to enjoy the rest of the day with John.