#give me your energies..........i must talk about music or else i will Die

[deepfriedseagullfeet]

i dont think anyone is familiar with this venetian snares album but heres a section of the script to prove im working on it. i want to give an intro to the album, talk about the band briefly, the success of the album/reception, then deep dive into each song on the album. this is one of the tracks and i think since i cant play the actual song bc of copyright (im terrified of getting a strike) i want to describe the music and hype the audience up on why i love it

[littlefankingdom]

I watched the One Piece live action and here are some notes I took.

I'm a huge One Piece fan since I was like 10-ish? And so, I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about it. It had a lot of impact on my personality (Nico Robin is my role model). This live action adaptation matters to me and I'm going to rant. Spoilers ahead.

The director is a woman, and one of the two writers is a woman. Manga and anime are male dominated hobby (and the comic's world is sexist), so the live action of the most popular shōnen being run by women is so great, imo. Also, it's pretty successful, in contrary to other attempts, so it's a win for women.

Garp's actor is a very handsome man. Wtf, they made Garp hot. He also has a beautiful Welsh accent, which is great because it's an accent that gives a "tough guy" impression. At least, it does for me.

Luffy's actor is perfect. This Luffy is slightly different from the original one, but he's perfect in his own way. I will die and kill for him. Also, him being brown with a white grandpa is so good, it had a racial gap between the two of them, where there are already a generational one and a moral one. Like, the white grandpa in the army do not understand how his brown grandson do not like the gov, because he doesn't see it from where he is when the kid does.

Alvida's actress is so beautiful, she's so pretty. I suddenly support women's wrongs.

Damn, the violence is going up a notch (Roger executed on screen, Mr 7's body cut in half, MERRY IS FUCKING KILLED,...)

The actors for Koby and Helmeppo are queer (They/Them pals) Oda is, once again, showing his support to the trans community.

I do not like the colors. It's too dark for One Piece, imo. Look at how saturated the colored pages are, I would have preferred it to be more saturated. I know, this is because of the CGI (issues are less perceptible this way), I'm going to need to make some edits. But, they didn't have to do it to the costumes too. Like, Buggy, except from his hat, his outfit is not flashy like it should be. Would help with the colored hair if it was more colorful and flashy.

Young Luffy wear the same shirt as in the manga is a nice touch.

THERE'S A CAVENDISH'S WANTED POSTER IN SHELLS TOWN!

Dead bodies smell strongly, and Zoro is bringing half of one in a bar???

Episode 2 is pure art. I love it so much.

Buggy is attractive, wtf. I find him more pretty than Shanks.

Bogard is so cool looking. I'm gonna die if Hina is introduced one day (she's going to be so cool)

They changed the "If you’re gonna point your gun toward someone, you better use it" scene. The new one is cool, but the original is iconic.

THE MUSIC WHEN LUFFY REALIZES THAT SHANKS LOST HIS ARM! It's like the orchestra is interrupted, incredible, love it.

Nami and Zoro's siblings' energy is so strong.

Kaya and Nami interraction about the dress "it belonged to my mother" is so good, Nami gets uncomfortable because she also lost her mother and knows how it is to cherish her memory. But Kaya is nice and share it with her, which break her view of rich folks.

The decor's department must have had the time of their life for this show. It's a great job.

Zoro wanting to wear black and drink wine in the 3 episode, he's already embodying being Mihawk's adopted brat.

Kaya makes the oof roblox sounds when she slapped Usopp.

Usopp x Kaya let's gooooooooooo my boy deserves the best (Oda confirming a romance with one of his protagonists is huge)

Zoro IMMEDIATELY trying to look at something else the moment Kaya kisses Usopp.

Luffy sitting on Going Merry with "We Are" playing... Art.

Without a cook, they are eating pasta, with some fruit and drink (just like me, fr).

Garp is wrecking a brand new ship!

Episode 5 Title Card, my beloved.

Mihawk music, and voice, and character: beautiful.

"Oh, I do like your hat." Mihawk to Luffy upon meeting him, great.

Sanji needs to stop talking about food, I'm getting hungry but I'm broke and a terrible cook.

"Oregano is for savages!" 😂 ok kiddo.

Me watching Zoro nap for a whole episode because of 1 cut: "Bro, you’re going to go through so much worse, you better stop whining rn"

The "YES, YES WE DO" after Sanji says "heard you guys need a cook" is so good.

Sanji is, like, the only one after Nami to have the most experience sailing, they fucking need him.

Buggy coming back all the time is perfect. Love him.

Having Bell-Mere slaps Nami was not ok. Y'all are ruining a character I loved.

Sanji knows a man that can cook well is attractive.

Usopp and Luffy are 17 and drinking, and Koby is 16. Underage drinking baby 🍻

Garp is already having the crisis he has during Marine Fort Arc, it’s going to be difficult for him.

Buggy be swinging being carried by Sanji, who's fighting.

Luffy breaking Arlong's sword axe thingy is badass.

The fishmen are so ugly and weird looking

Buggy saying "I'm gonna get out of here" with 🖕🤡🖕(If we ever get young Ace, I expect so much vulgarity from his little shit mouth)

Usopp exploding star was badass.

Sanji's ass after Mouton Shot.

Zoro "Yeah, you're gonna fit in just fine" means you're as crazy as all of us

Sanji opening is arms for Nami and Nami ignoring him to hug her bros, lol.

Arlong Park destruction be crazy.

Sanji little laugh.

Luffy is a true bestie to Usopp.

It’s the confrontation from after Seven Arc

It's Logue town after right? Like, where Luffy's father is introduced? With the comparison to Roger? But they just compared them, are they going to do it again?

The wanted poster is the exact same, with usopp in the background.

Employee of the month lol.

Alvida and Buggy meeting, the bad bitches.

Mihawk and Shanks!!! (Shanks gave him the "ableist pos" look, lol)

Smoker introduced -> Logue Town

[roo-bastmoon]

"so in that kumbaya post u just openly admit ur a fat ugly single abused people pleasing jkker? not suprised. u all r. id kms if i were u."

Hmm.

Okay.

Quite a bit to unpack, there.

To answer your question: Yes, I'm a bit overweight right now--it's part the hormone blockers for the cancer and part my own emotional eating the last few months because, ya know, it's a bit stressful battling cancer. I plan to get back into working out after Yoongi's concert, though! And I'm not hideous, but I'm definitely not gorgeous. You're right, I'm single, have been for years, by choice. I do tend to people please a LOT (working on boundaries with a really sassy wonderful cognitive behavioral therapist--10/10, highly recommend CBT!). And I absolutely love and adore Jikook, for sure, as well as all of BTS.

So... guilty as charged.

But no, my "flaws" aren't a reason to DIE. I still have value, dear throw-away-account-in-my-inbox.

Despite my many shortcomings, I still have purpose. I still get pleasure. I can still do amazing things in the world and create some meaning in this life. All people are works in progress. Me, too. Who told you you had to always be exceptional to ever be worthy?

I'm not perfect. But I can try to be good.

In case you need a reminder, here's what "good" looks like:

I hope you heal from whatever wounds others gave you to make you calloused and aggressive toward total strangers.

I hope when you read this that you unclench your jaw and relax your shoulders, because you are safe and sheltered and you know there's no immediate threat.

I hope you can afford a nourishing meal and a long hot shower with amazing-smelling soap to restore some of your energy, which must be flagging, since you're spending it on Asks like this.

I hope you get a great night's sleep in a comfy bed, and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to face whatever challenges are a part of your days. Because I'm certain you have challenges just like everyone else.

I hope you have someone you trust, who you can talk to, who will listen to every word intently, and try to empathize and understand you and give you good counsel.

I hope at the end of your day, when all the work and chores are done, you get to read a really engrossing story, or listen to a thought-provoking podcast, or check out some amazing music that makes you feel alive and excited to be so.

I hope you remember yourself--your true self--the kind of person who can be kind.

Because the universe returns your energy back to you. I promise you, eventually, it does.

So here's some kindness from a random overweight absolutely flawed single Jikook fan on Tumblr, who genuinely wants you to be healthy and whole as soon as possible. We all will be better off when you start to heal.

Now, to get us both back into a place of calm and gratitude, you inspired me to make a donation to NAMI. If you ever need mental health help (and who doesn't?) they have some great free resources that you can check out HERE. Please never seriously consider killing yourself, or even joking about it, for any reason. Every day, every moment, is a new chance to start from scratch and make your life into something you prefer.

And if you're not open to talking to a therapist right now, there's a free app called Insight Timer with tons of great meditations, calming exercises, insightful podcasts, and mood-resetting music.

So, this is as much of my time and energy as I can give to you. I wouldn't have even answered you, except the K-pop community just suffered a loss from suicide this week and I felt it important to address what you said. But now I've got some streaming and voting to do in between my real-life responsibilities. So this is the last we will interact under your sock puppet account. But I hope you see this post, and I hope you know I really mean it. I really mean that you deserve to heal from this toxic anger you're taking out on others. I know you can be better.

"Who says a dream must be something grand?

Just become anybody.

We deserve a life.

Whatever, big or small, you are you after all."

--Paradise, Love Yourself: Tear, BTS

For everyone else, if I keep getting Asks from sock puppets like this, I'll turn off the option to message me unless we follow each other. I already turned off anons ages ago because of these types of messages. I will limit access to me, not as a punishment, but just because it's important to protect my (and my friends') energy against negativity. I am here for BTS, not drama.

This fandom needs to work harder to reflect BTS' values, or else what are we all doing here?? You don't have to agree with anyone about anything, but you do have to at least be civil.

If you're looking for a fight, you won't get it from me. My tongue is ruled by the law of kindness.

With sincerest respect,

Roo

P.S. Jimin and Yoongi are close to record-breaking milestones. Please don't waste any time or energy on this sort of thing--keep streaming!

[inventedfangirling]

I have another theory that came into my head rn that i need to share and you liked my other „thought“ so here we go 😭 i saw a few people talking about the „death and funeral talk“ sand and ray had in the last ep. And now i can‘t stop thinking about how ray asked sand if sand would sing that one song by micro at his funeral. Some people saying this is foreshadowing that one of them will die, but what if rays obsession with this one song came from the fact that this song played while rays mom was dying or something like that. I mean in one of the first episodes ray said to sand that the music he was playing are the old vinyl records from his mom.

Oh i don‘t know if my writing make sense and if my thought makes sense. And sorry in advance, english isn‘t my first language. 😭

okay first of all thankyou for sharing this with me🌻

second of all your english is perfectly fine, and more importantly as long as it gets the point across thats all that matters imo🥰

and to respond to what you said, more than anything, to me, it was that very request of singing micro by ray that made me freak out initially, i was convinced they were gonna kill off ray...but when i rewatched it, i focused how sand also talks about not wanting to die and wanting to fulfill his dreams and thouhht OHNO theyre gonna take my boy away😭

and then you came along and gave your alternate explanation to what could possibly have warranted first gushing about khao's acting in the finale and it not only made total sense to me but also gives me far more mental peace so now im choosing to live in that headcanon hehe so thank YOU

and also i feel like yes for sure micro has something to do with ray's mom but i do not think it was playing while she lay dead cos that would have been such a traumatic memory for ray and he would NOT be singing that song with such joy and light heartedness if that was indeed the bgm to him seeing his mom's dead body.

so im thinking it must have been playing on one of the few occasions in ray's childhood when his mom found time and energy to spend with him. one rare afternoon where he got to spend time having fun with his mother, where he didnt feel like a burden, where she genuinely looked at him with fondness and love.

maybe one of his only few good memories with her. micro could have been playing while that was happening. this is more plausible imo.

but ofc i can think of an extreme possibility where micro was playing while he saw his mom's body but his brain wasnt processing that it was that song that was playing.

and maybe a few weeks later he finds himself humming it and he decides to play the vinyls again to find where this melody came from...he feels good humming it (and if i again make a few more leaps this could be because even though he didnt consciously register it, this song did play on one of the last few times he got to see his mother. maybe just that fact bound the song to his memories in a way that went beyond logic and reason, its not like things like that cant happen either) and he wants to know what song it is and ever since then he has been fond of it for some inexplicable reason he cant quite put his finger to.

i went back to ep 2 to check if ray talked about this song being his favourite or anything and i saw something and now you have to see it too

??????????????

i was NOT ready for that

i mean ofc its a normal thing to say when somebody is poking you while driving but still in the context of it all it freaked me out!!

and alsooo i found that the lyrics that he sings here actually goes well with my theory of ray's brain subconciously registering the song as what was playing the last time he saw her and now im shook cos GET A LOAD OF THIS->

its like ray's brain telling him to forget the traumatic memory (and by extension his past) and let go, but also at the same time, its also desperately holding the memories close and not letting him forget either!!

ofc the rest of the song might say something else entirely i do not know about that, but this really does strike a chord with ray's story imo.

anyways wow i did NOT expect to write this much, nor that i would be making these many interesting leaps, connections and discoveries along the way so thank YOU for prompting this all💕

hoping that our worst fears about the character's fates dont come true...hope that ray can forget, that he can let go after processing his emotions and actually go on that tour around the world with sand 🥺✨️

[justtryingtolosesomeweight]

I have been trying to vent the past two days but my laptop crashed and my arm hurt so fucking bad last night I had to stop. I have chalked it up to that I spend too much time writing and I should cut it down to half an hour. Sounds like a lot but it really isn’t for me since all I have is time to waste complaining. I’m sure those thoughts I wanted to express will show up again another time.

I have pushed off my homework again... I’m acting like a fool. He even offered half credit if I did it yesterday and I thought about it until 3 a.m. where I had to give up to go to bed. But that was a conscious decision because it was just too addicting to listen to music and think all day. There must be something wrong with me. I’m always like this regardless of whether I eat enough so maybe it’s my best interest to talk to someone. Ah, but I don’t want to talk to anyone unless I’m thinner than this. Maybe at 145 I’ll reward myself by making an appointment with a counselor. Or whenever I gain the confidence.

I want to talk forever but my wrist is fucking flimsy. That I should really see someone for. It just hurts, I’m sure it’s some preventable thing but every time I want to write or draw it acts up. Maybe it wouldn’t be so if I learned to shut up once in a while. I see other vent blogs and most posts are a sentence or two. Mine are quite the opposite. I hope that I learn to quiet down soon because that means I’m spending less time just writing instead of doing something useful. Not that I do anything useful though. At any rate, I have such long posts. It makes me wonder what’s going through the head of someone who has a vent blog but often just posts “I want to die.” or “I ate this. I feel awful.” Come on, everyone, be like me and overshare on the internet. Lol. That’s not really safe all of the time so keep your brevity. Me, I never talk much of anything that’s important.

Ah, my head is aching a little, had an awful time sleeping. I didn’t even take my magnesium even though I keep it right next to my bed. Last night’s thinking session was intense. I couldn’t focus on anything else. It’s not good, it’s really just a waste of time but I think if I spin it as “if I don’t lose weight fast, none of this will happen” I’ll feel a lot better. Sorry, school, under eating takes priority as my one passion. Anyone else daydream but only imagine themselves as skinny? I mean, I know what I look like but it doesn’t show up. Although I see myself through my own eyes so when I look down I see flatness. Definitely not my reality.

Only fifteen more minutes of talking remain. What did I want to say? I guess not much. Limiting myself seems to be saving my wrist. Will I have the energy to do my homework. Probably not. I want to say maybe if I lose like twenty pounds in this month and the next they might catch on but who knows? Most people tend to be kind when grading me since I do kind of be a mess every day.  I wonder what it feels like to wear one layer and be confident. I wonder what it’s like to not hunch over and feel ashamed for existing in public. So maybe my head hurts but it’s not like it won’t be worth it. Let’s see about that though. Approaching the end of week 1. I feel alright about proceeding. Must not give into the same temptations I face every day. Honestly, I’m overthinking this. It’s easy if you don’t think about it.

I want to apologize for being long but instead I think I’ll just add a note in my pinned that I will never not write a long ass post. Forgive me if you came to suffer in a moderate amount of words. Or I could make a personal tag... something unique so it doesn’t show up when you look up vent or something. One minute left... what’s a good tag? Hmm. Well, you’ll see when I figure one out. You know, I’ve really been into Neru’s Abstract Nonsense and I think it would be very funny of me to have a long ass tag.

[morifinwes]

wangxian fic rec list!

aka in which i read fics, write some recs down for aamna and share them!! they're all wangxian fics and uhh @yibobibo i hope you'll like them!!

modern

wolf devours playboy bunny by @greenteafiend (5K, werewolf!lwj, getting together, idk if anyone needs to know that but there's nudity just not uhh explicit)

Lan Zhan has wanted Wei Ying as long as he has known him, and the worst part is that he thinks Wei Ying could want him back.

Too bad he could never in good conscience let himself go there—Wei Ying has a debilitating fear of all things canine, and once a month, Lan Zhan is the exact, precise thing that Wei Ying’s nightmares are made of.

Aka, Lan Zhan is a werewolf.

between the lines by @jywait (19K gaming au!!!, i'm always down for a good gaming au, lwj is the best aksks he's such a good boy)

☆yilingpatriarch☆: pls...give me some face, help me fight these monsters...I'm gonna die

Bluetooth: no.

"You have died." The screen said, and Wei Wuxian threw his hands up in frustration.

resonant frequencies by chinxe (15K, college au, fake dating au, tw mention of cheating but it's brief and no one was cheated on i promise)

In which Wei Wuxian decides that the best way to deal with being in love with Lan Wangji is to pretend to date him for three weeks.

It goes about as well as can be expected.

drift compatible by windoworwhatever (5K, poetry, fluff, drunkji, getting together, college au)

"It was just a fact of life. The sky was blue, university stipends for graduate students working in TA positions barely covered rent, bisexuals cuffed their jeans, Lan Wangji had a massive crush on Wei Wuxian, and spent his time pining and writing research papers about gay subtexts in ancient poetry."

OR

Lan Wangji is in love with Wei Wuxian, and everybody knows, except Wei Wuxian.

the bunny next door by detailsinthefabric (43K, this is mostly fluff and very light angst, and they were neighbors!!!, rabbits!!, aka wangxian's bunny children, this is... so cute i just have to rec it)

Lan Wangji did not know what he was doing. He did not know what he was going to say. He was frozen in place, puzzling over the situation. Maybe he had made the man uncomfortable, which is why he wanted to leave? But his tone had still been so friendly—maybe…

“Would…” he paused, swallowed, forced the last words to come out of his suddenly parched mouth, “would you let me pet him?”

-------------------------------------

Lan Wangji, who doesn't know how to socialize and whose icy demeanor scares everyone away, lets down all his defenses when he meets the bunny next door...oh, and also its owner, Wei Wuxian.

leading tone by silencemostofall (32K, everyone is a music student? or something like that akskk, curse fic, tw panic attacks, tw child abuse, small scene of drunkji, wwx has low self esteem, bro this was so painful to read)

The first time you touch someone you're fated to love, you leave a mark on their skin. If they will love you in return, they'll mark you where you touched them. The deeper the color, the deeper the connection.

Wei Ying has no marks at all.

public places, private thoughts by leahelisabeth (for the love of camelot) ( 8K, cherry magic au, getting together with like... immediate upgrade to fiance status, the author is wrong i crave good wangxian cherry magic aus even tho i haven't even watched cherry magic)

Wei Wuxian had heard the story of course. It had made its rounds through his high school and followed him into his college days. He didn’t think there was any possibility it was true. Virginity was a social construct, invented by creepy old men to exercise dominance over women. The idea that a simple lack of sexual activity before the age of thirty could give one magical powers was absolutely ludicrous.

Wei Wuxian believed this until the morning of his thirtieth birthday.

AKA the Wangxian Cherry Magic AU that absolutely nobody asked for.

i'd be all right (if i could see you) by @thirtysixsavefiles (16K, this was nice, i read this at 6am but it was cute, (while writing this post i must admit i don't remember anything but 6am-me said it's good))

The younger Lan brother is something of an enigma on campus; while Lan Xichen can sometimes be seen in the company of other graduate students or conducting a seminar, Lan Wangji appears to spend all his time in class or in the library. He doesn’t drink. He doesn’t smoke. He doesn’t attend social events. He doesn’t do anything for fun, as far as Wei Wuxian can tell, and it’s driving Wei Wuxian just a little bit up the wall.

Or, Wei Wuxian convinces Lan Wangji to come to a house party, and then they're assigned to the same group project. Wei Wuxian tries his best, but he is not in possession of all the facts.

axe on leg by itszero (4K, i still don't get why wwx did that but it was nice seeing him jealous for once, jealous!wwx, lwj i love you....)

Wei Wuxian pressed his face into his pillow and screamed. He paused to take a few deep breaths, partially hindered by the pillow, and listened to the sounds of Nie Huaisang slurping his iced coffee, from his seat on Wei Wuxian's desk chair.

Having caught his breath, he resumed his screaming and did not stop at the sound of his dorm room door opening.

"What's wrong with him?" He heard his brother, Jiang Cheng, ask.

The slurping stopped. "He's an idiot."

"He's always been an idiot. Why is he bothered about it now?"

"He forced Lan Wangji to go on a date," Nie Huaisang replied, shaking the ice cubes in his drink.

"Okay and…?"

"With someone else." The slurping resumed.

Wei Wuxian, in all his glorious dumbassery, convinces his boyfriend to go on a date with someone else.

these two most powerful by @stiltonbasket (4K, amnesia, wangxian with children!!!, aksksk this was adorable, dadji!!)

When Lan Wangji went to bed last night, he was alone in a tiny guest room with nothing but the howling of the wind in the mountains and his own lonely thoughts for company.

 

But when he opened his eyes in the morning, Wei Ying was asleep beside him.

 

(In which Lan Wangji loses twenty years' worth of memories after a night-hunt gone wrong, and his life as a doting father and husband continues without a hitch somehow.)

good things come to those who wait [but i ain't in a patient phase] by @cerlunas (4K, getting together, pining lwj)

Lan Wangji can't take it anymore.

 

“I love you”, he says, and god, it feels terrifying. “I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”

“Lan Zhan…” Wei Wuxian starts, but Lan Wangji doesn’t want to hear it.

He grabs his cup and drinks everything. He doesn’t know what face Wei Wuxian is making at him right now, and it’s okay. 

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian repeats louder, but it’s too late. He is already falling asleep.

Or, even after 13 years, Lan Wangji is still in love with his best friend. Maybe it's time to open up.

wei ying, will you marry m- oh my god he swallowed the ring! by selene210 (2K, marriage proposals, crack, marriage proposals but.. they go wrong)

“A ring?”

And indeed it was. The ring Lan Wangji was going to propose to Wei Ying with. That the man had now choked on.

“You swallowed it.”

“It was in my soufflé! Why did you put a ring in my soufflé Lan Zhan- oh. oh”

of glittery valentine's cards by @soft-fics (3K, valentine's day, this was adorable aksk, a-yuan best boy!!)

Lan Zhan didn't want to know what his best friend had planned for Valentine's Day; his heart would simply not be able to handle it. When his son tells him that he made Wei Ying a Valentine's Day card, though, Lan Zhan decided to bring it over anyway.

of coffee and white tea by @soft-fics (9K, fluff, lwj doesn't like coffee, wwx buys him coffee, then they switch drinks, again and again and again, the staff ships it lmao, tbh jc shouldn't have done that like wtf)

For the fourth time this week a stranger orders him a cup of coffee. Lan Wangji wonders how exactly to tell this man to stop ordering him coffee he doesn't even like. Turns out, buying the other white tea and switching drinks is not the best way to go about it

canon setting

on the importance of restraint (or lack thereof) by nixthothou (4K, in which sizhui snaps, i love that boy, no like seriously he's the best boy)

Lan Sizhui does not usually find himself in the company of Sect Leader Jiang.

Suffice to say, Lan Sizhui's feelings toward him are conflicted.

lan wangji is wei wuxian's baby by lilycs (3K, i was craving fluff while reading this, lwj my beloved, drunk!lwj)

Lan Wangji gets drunk from barely a cup of alcohol, becoming a whiny baby and asking his husband for cuddles.

one of our own by glitteringmoonlight (8K, wei wuxian & lan sect, 5+1 things, in which they learn to love him, they're all part of the wwx protection squad lead by lwj, wangxian isn't the focus but !!! THIS)

Times change, but some people remain the same.

The Lans are nothing, if not aware of this.

For one of their own, they will stand against the world.

Or, 5 times the Lans defended Wei Wuxian, and the 1 time he was there to see it happen.

so why not crack your skull when the mind swells by @greenteafiend (13K, love curse, post cql canon, curses, getting together, fluff, so much fluff, lwj tries to talk about his emotions!, lwj pov)

Lan Wangji detects the curse trying to curl through his heart meridians like smoke. A love curse, then. It must have been cast remotely somehow to have found him in his bed in Cloud Recesses. No matter. Lan Wangji crushes it easily, enveloping it in his spiritual energy, and then squeezing. Curse averted, Lan Wangji closes his eyes and goes back to sleep. He thinks no more of it.

Two days later, Wei Wuxian arrives in Cloud Recesses.

Or, Wei Wuxian is cursed to feel terrible pain when he and Lan Wangji aren’t touching.

i started from the bottom / now i'm rich by x_los (57K, time travel, fix it, jealous lwj, crack treated serious, god this is so good tho, wwx/wrh & wwx/jgs but like as a joke and it doesn't really happen, but it has its purpose!!)

“First, you get the money. Then you get the power, respect - hos come last.”

 

Wen Qing traps Wei Wuxian in the Demon Slaughtering Cave, but Wei Wuxian isn’t interested in being the beneficiary of the Wen Remnants’ noble sacrifice. His efforts to free himself accidentally send him back to the beginning of the Sunshot Campaign. Coreless but armed with demonic cultivation, knowledge of the future and his wits, Wei Wuxian takes advantage of this opportunity to come out on top of both the war and its aftermath—before either has a chance to happen—by marrying and swiftly burying the cultivation world’s worst men.

Lan Wangji is confused, hurt, and uncomfortably aroused by Wei Wuxian’s improbably elaborate series of Sect-themed bridal negligees.

lead me on through by mrsronweasley (55K, they're in love your honor, arranged marriage but they don't know to whom, basically wwx & lwj want to practice kissing which then goes beyond kissing but not the whole way y'know, lxc the best wingman tho)

"Who do you think your betrothed is?" Wei Wuxian asks, sprawling out in front of Lan Zhan and enjoying the prim thinning of his lips at the question. He shouldn't be sprawling—they're in the library, for one, and Lan Zhan is studying, for another—but he can't help himself. Wei Wuxian is a sprawler.

"I do not believe this to be of importance," Lan Zhan responds, without turning his gaze away from his book.

"What!" Wei Wuxian sits up. "How can you say that? Of course it's important! This is the person you'll be with for the rest of your life, Lan Zhan."

[sondepoch]

Silence Starts to Overflow (Venti x Reader)

Barbatos’s voice, whispering gently in the wind, stirs you from the slumber you were about to give into. How cruel, that you would allow yourself to pass without saying farewell to him.

MASTERLIST

Death isn’t quite the right word for it.

It would be more fitting to say that you’re passing—because passing is something that precedes catching, catching is something that precedes continuing, and continuing is something that precedes life.

Though to say that this state you’re in can precede life is a lie at best.

Where are you?

Barbatos’s voice, whispering gently in the wind, stirs you from the slumber you were about to give into.

How cruel, that you would allow yourself to pass without saying farewell to him.

The final remnants of your strength—the strength you’d been saving for a final, devastating blow against Baal, the strength you never got to use because Rex Lapis ambushed you first with an cataclysmic meteor—fly out from your fingertips in a single beacon of light that pierces the clouds as it broadcasts your position to the world.

Instantly, you feel the wind turn.

A smile crosses your lips at that. Channeling your Lumino into the sky so freely is a risky move, especially given that every archon in the area now knows where you are. You can already sense the familiar pulse of Geo and Electro growing closer as Rex Lapis and Baal doubtlessly venture back to you to finish the job, but, of course, Barbatos is faster.

Geo is slow, after all.

Electro is marginally faster, given the right medium.

Nothing, however, can trump the speed of Anemo.

Nothing but Lumino, though you suppose that will cease to exist with your passing.

“You’re a fool,” Barbatos whispers in that breathy, exhilarated voice of his. “Someone could have seen,” he says. “You’re lucky I was so close.”

Ah. It appears that he hasn’t seen your wounds yet.

Well, that’s not so bad. 

You allow yourself to relax as Barbatos gathers you in his arms at the speed of wind, holding you close against his chest as he rides a breeze of his own making into the sky. 

“There are less than a hundred gods left, now. You and I can keep a low profile these next few days and wait for the numbers to dwindle, and then we can start working together to…”

You say nothing as Barbatos continues.

To die like this, in the arms of your lover, the sound of his laughter in his ear and the element of his soul surrounding you...would be a peaceful death.

A nice death.

As Barbatos eagerly tells you about his fight against Beleth, you press your head deeper into his chest. You take a deep breath of his scent, the scent of cecilias and happiness and youth and freedom, and you begin to let yourself drift away, the strength of Lumino finally fading from your gnosis and from this world, and…

How cruel.

You can’t bring yourself to part from your lover just yet.

Not without a proper goodbye, at least.

“Barbatos,” you whisper, just strong enough to lift your head off his chest. “Barbatos, please.”

It’s at this moment that Barbatos looks, properly looks, down at you, and you can see the adrenaline of his victory sap from his expression, beautiful blue eyes turning from overjoyed to mortified in a single second.

“No,” he mutters when he sees how the light has already begun to fade from your eyes, the natural waves of Lumino that used to radiate off you so naturally now turned dim with your impending death. “No. No, this can’t—no, no. No. Please. No. No.”

Within a second, he has your back lain against a cloud, as if the stoppage of movement can do anything with your elemental energy so far dwindled. 

“Who—who did this—”

You smile gently. 

“It doesn’t matter.”

Baal isn’t an especially dangerous woman: you know Barbatos can defeat her; but if she’s managed to obtain an alliance with Rex Lapis, God of War, then the last thing you want is for your lover to attempt to avenge you and get himself killed just like you. Not when Barbatos is already so strong. Not when he already has a chance at becoming one of the Final Seven.

“T-This isn’t a time for—”

“Shh,” you whisper, reaching for his hands. The touch calms him. You channel what little power you have left into his hands, praying that he can feel it. Feel you.

“Tell me,” Barbatos says, tears beginning to build in those mesmerizing eyes. It’s hardly the time to be thinking about it, but this form that he’s chosen is truly beautiful: skin like porcelain, perfect and fine and untouchable, stunning dark blue hair, thick and nearly-black at every inch, and eyes that hold your entire world in them, blue and green and Barbatos. “I—please, they might still be around here. I can defeat them and give you their gnosis, and—”

You force yourself past your limits to lift an arm up to Barbatos’s chin. It takes all your effort to press a single finger against his lips, a wordless seal on the conversation. 

“You’re dying,” he whispers, the tears now spilling forth. “You’re—you’re—”

You press your finger against his lips again, silently asking him to speak not of your death, and the god breaks down next to you, sobbing loudly as he pulls you closer, now holding you in his arms instead of allowing you to remain flat on the ground.

It’s quite uncomfortable, actually.

Yet, you prefer the warmth of your lover’s arms to soft chill of the clouds, prefer the sensation of his salty tears spilling onto your hair, prefer the way you can savor the feeling of him a little bit longer this way.

“S-Sitri should be near here. I-if you can last just a little longer, he’ll be able to heal you and—”

Your heart falls. This must be karma.

“I killed Sitri this morning.”

The devastation in Barbatos’s eyes when you say that is more painful than the spreading darkness in your gut.

“Ph-Phenex might—”

“Sitri killed Phenex. He told me.”

The sound that spills past Barbatos’s lips at that is something between a wail and a whimper, a sob and a scream. It’s nothing like the beautiful music you’re used to hearing from his lips, and it hurts you to know that you’re the cause of this awful noise, this awful pain that will hurt him so much more than it can hurt you.

Though that’s the nature of this war, isn’t it? The very notion of thousands of gods, thousands of elements, all fighting against one another in an attempt to sit on one of the final seven seats in Celestia is something that can only occur with death, with sacrifice.

You and Barbatos were naive for ever thinking that both of you would be able to make it.

“Barbatos,” you say, cupping his cheek gently, admiring the silky softness of his skin because you know this is the last time you’ll be able to do so. “I want you to live.”

“Stop it,” Barbatos says. “Stop—stop talking like you’re going to—to—”

“To die,” you finish for him, and your hand falls from Barbatos’s cheek. You don’t have the strength to hold it up anymore. “But I don’t want you to die.”

“N-no, please, I—” Barbatos sobs, an ugly sound. “I don’t want to live in a world without you.”

“I want you to live,” you say, stubborn. “Live for me.”

“I don’t want to,” Barbatos whispers. “Not without you. S-so if you want me to live, please just try to—”

“I can’t.” Your smile is sad as you stare at him. “I can’t, Barbatos, but you can.”

“I don’t—”

“Take my gnosis.”

Your lover physically recoils at that, shock painted on his beautiful features before denial takes over.

“No,” he says, shaking his head furiously. “No, no, no. No. I won’t. I—you’ll only die faster without your—”

“Barbatos,” you say, wishing you had the strength to reach out and grab his hand. “Barbatos, for all purposes, I'm already dead.”

“No!” he shouts, and when he sees how you wince at that, he lowers the volume of his voice. “No, you’re—you’re not dead. You’re alive, you’re here, and you don’t have to—”

“I can’t control it if I die.” You turn your gaze from Barbatos to the sky, vaguely wondering what heavens are above the heavens. “But you can make sure you don't. Take my gnosis.”

“I don’t want it,” Barbatos whispers, and his eyes shimmer with tears he’s trying to hold back. 

“Take it,” you say. “Take it and live. And remember me. And build a world where no one else needs to die like this.”

“I don’t care about anyone else,” Barbatos whispers, but his hand is on your heart, now. “I just want you. Please. Please don’t—”

“Take it.”

The power of Lumino comes to a peak as you allow the source of it to expose itself, raw elemental energy radiating off your body.

“Hurry,” you whisper. “Someone will come.”

“I-I don’t—”

Barbatos lets his hand grip the gnosis, but he can’t seem to bring himself to take it out from you. Doubtless, it’s because he knows that this gnosis is the only thing allowing you to cling to life—but for him to be able to absorb its power, he has to take it from you when you’re still alive. You need him to take it now. If you want to make sure he has the strength to become one of the Final Seven, this push is the only thing you can offer him.

“I love you.”

The words fall from your lips naturally, and the power of saying them—a power that inevitably rises because those three words, that declaration of your heart’s true sentiments, are the reason you’re able to get up every day, a power that gives and gives and gives and is the sole reason for which you live—sends you a final boost of strength.

You thrust your hand onto Barbatos’s and hold it. 

With the gentleness that only the shadow death can bring, you lift his hand, still closed around your gnosis, from your body. 

The second your gnosis is off of you, it binds to Barbatos.

You can see the power travel into his body: the power that manifested as Lumino in you being absorbed into his body as the tips of his braids turn bright at the edges, a beautiful blue as bright as the sky where the edge of Barbatos's hair was once nearly black. You can feel, then, as the gnosis amplifies his power: it happens in a shockwave that jolts your body, a shockwave that shakes you to the core with the original source of your power now gone.

“You…”

Barbatos stares down at you with wide and teary eyes. Where you seem mesmerized by his transformation, it seems that he’s horrified at yours. No doubt, just as the light entered him, it must be equally visible that it’s left you.

A chilling breeze draws towards you. You shiver under it. 

“Cold,” you mutter, and Barbatos instantly pulls his cape off to wrap you in it. Somehow, it does nothing to warm you up. The cold, it seems, originates from within.

“Stay with me,” Barbatos says, cradling you in his arms. He presses his lips to your forehead. “Stay with me, love. Stay with me. You can live through this, I know it, just stay…”

Ah. 

It’s so cold.

The chill that begins from deep inside you spreads, branching towards your fingertips and your toes and up your neck. With it comes a darkness, one that your power has always protected you from. Now, though, Lumino is weak. It stands no chance at being one of the Final Seven elements. You failed it as an archon. 

“...with me. Please. Please don’t go. Stay. Please. Please…”

You want to respond to him. You’ve never heard Barbatos sound so miserable, so broken. You stare up at him, trying to make your lips form the shape to words that will comfort him. 

You can’t seem to move your lips.

You can’t seem to move your eyes, either. 

Numb, you stare up at Barbatos, unblinking and unmoving. Your gaze is fixed on him, a darkness creeping in at the edges.

No, you think. No, stop. I want to look at him longer. 

The darkness doesn’t oblige. It creeps closer and closer, and a desperate fear begins to overtake you. Is this the last time you’ll see your lover? Why? How? How can that be? That can’t be right. You and Barbatos were supposed to win this war. You and Barbatos were supposed to survive this war. You and Barbatos were supposed to rule a nation together and save the world together and build a life together and—

Why is it all going away?

Stripped of the power of light that had always protected you, the darkness you’d always feared crawls closer. 

Stop, you think. Stop it. Don’t take him away. I want to stay. I want to stay with him. I don’t—

Despite the chilling cold that’s wrapped around all your body, you feel a tear fall.

I don’t want to die.

You hear something that sounds like a scream, but it’s so distant. It’s like a howl: monstrous and enraged and furious and terrifying, yet...familiar. Suddenly, you can’t figure out who this wailing reminds you of, but the thought of the person sends a strange sense of warmth to you. 

It’s nice, you think.

You can’t be quite sure what’s happening anymore. All you know is that it’s cold and dark, so horribly cold and dark. 

The howling sound grows louder. Vaguely, you feel something grip you, shake you, cling to you.

Something about you is instinctively soothed by the touch. Amidst all this cold and all this darkness, you think you can find comfort in this sensation. You know you shouldn’t like it—that the feeling of your body being shaken and clung to and howled and wailed at isn’t something you should like—but there’s peace in it. 

It’s a nice feeling.

It’s a nice feeling. 

MASTERLIST

Word Count: 2.3k

Notes: freedom sword come home

Comment & Like

I do not own the rights to Genshin Impact or any of the characters within it.

[xiyao-feels]

i've seen takes that jgy started playing turmoil before the staircase, aka wwx comments that it would take 3months for turmoil to kill nmj (ch64) so obviously jgy started playing it a long time ago, causing all of nmj's anger, all of that was his fault.

but also the novel says that jgy made a decision on the stairs or gave something up then a few days later played for nmj (ch 49) and like...idk what that could be except for killing nmj, is there something else this could be?

is wwx right? is mxtx bad at timelines? is nmj kick 3 months in the past, what is the time between 49 and 50 (when nmj dies in 2mo)

idk this whole thing is fuzzy and if you have any clarification or insight i'd like to hear it

-🦊

Fox anon! I'm glad to hear from you, and I hope you're doing well. I'm sorry I took so long to answer this—I was trying to be thorough, you all can judge whether I succeeded.

Now, I think the first thing to note here is that WWX actually and explicitly observes the Song of Clarity working when JGY is playing for NMJ before the stairs (ch 49):

Since then, Jin GuangYao would travel from Lanling to Qinghe every few days, playing Sound of Lucidity to help quell Nie MingJue rage. He tried his hardest, without speaking even a single word of complaint. Sound of Lucidity was indeed effective. Wei WuXian could clearly feel that the hostile energy within Nie MingJue was being suppressed. And, when playing the guqin, the way that the two conversed and got along even had a hint of the peace they had before they fell out. He began to think that maybe the so-called busy reestablishing the Cloud Recesses was just an excuse. Perhaps Lan XiChen simply wanted to give Nie MingJue and Jin GuangYao a chance to ease their tension.

(emphasis mine)

I think this is pretty conclusive. WWX's observations on the spot override his conclusions after a) being extensively soaked in NMJ's anger/resentment (ch 48-50) b) the entire drama afterwards at Jinlintai including being stabbed through by Jin Ling (ch 50) and c) resting and recovering for four days (ch 63).

Moreover, let's look at what WWX actually says in chapter 63:

Wei WuXian, “Jin GuangYao’s spiritual energy isn’t high. He wouldn’t have been able to take someone’s life with just seven notes. And killing him this way would’ve been too obvious. He definitely wouldn’t have chosen a song so powerful. But, if he could use the reason of playing the Song of Clarity for ChiFeng-Zun to calm his temper and continued to play it for three months, would the song be able to act as a slow poison and catalyse ChiFeng-Zun’s outburst?”

He's asking LXC questions about Turmoil, because it's new to him and he doesn't understand everything about it. I think it's pretty clear here that he's starting from how long he saw JGY play for NMJ, and asking if that would be long enough, rather than definitively stating that it would have to take three months; nor is there anything in LXC's response ("… Yes") that suggests three months is any kind of necessary minimum.

So those are the facts at hand. And imho if you look at the text in the later Empathy, there's a great deal of supporting evidence as well. There's the moment you mention, where JGY seems to be making a decision:

Nie MingJue, “Then why don’t you sacrifice yourself? Are you any nobler than them? Are you any different from them?”

Jin GuangYao stared at him. A moment later, as though he had finally either decided on something or given up on something, he replied calmly, “Yes.”

He looked up. In his expression were some of pride, some of calmness, and some of a faint insanity, “I and they, of course we are different!”

I agree with you, he's deciding to give up on NMJ—and if it's something else, what is it? If JGY isn't giving up on getting through to NMJ here, what function does this line serve in the text?

And I think it's worth noting here, as I've noted before—when JGY is talking about how different his and NMJ's positions are, he says "Your background is noble and your cultivation is high"; and the "Your background is noble" part is 你出身高贵, with the 高贵 being the "noble" part. When NMJ is asking him "Are you any nobler than them? Are you any different from them?" the "Are you any nobler than them?" is 你比他们高贵吗—so the "noble" part is, again, the same word, 高贵.  Given that JGY has just spent a great deal of breath explaining that he is different from NMJ precisely because of his less-noble background, this is very much a pair of questions that might quite justifiably make JGY feel like NMJ is just completely not understanding anything he is saying here at all. 

Besides that moment, there is the way he approaches or interacts with NMJ, which is quite noticeably different after the stairs. If you look at the beginning of the stairs, he's trying to convince NMJ to let the XY thing go: he says that if XY is locked up for life and can't hurt people, this isn't too different from him being executed, and then when NMJ does not accept this, points out that it's JGY's father's command and he cannot simply go against it as NMJ wishes. Once JGY loses his temper, he is still presenting arguments for his position—which granted is now approximately "you're being a hypocrite and you don't understand things", but he is still arguing for it—that is, he is still trying to reach NMJ; he is acting as though on some level he believes he can get through to him. 

But in attempting to convince NMJ about XY, he is not acting like someone who expects that NMJ is right about to die; because if he were expecting that, he could simply say whatever he likes to put NMJ off, knowing that he won't actually have to pay up. Similarly, in attempting to get through to NMJ via argument, however angrily, he is not treating NMJ as purely an object to be manipulated; NMJ's beliefs matter to JGY separately (I am not saying /only/ separately) from what those beliefs lead NMJ to do. To put it another way: he cares about what NMJ thinks. This too is something that prevents JGY from simply telling NMJ whatever he wishes to hear, and this, too, is lost at the stairs.

For after the stairs, telling NMJ what he wants to hear, and just telling NMJ something that will put him off because he knows or hopes he won't have to pay up, are exactly what JGY does. When he shows up at the Unclean Realm a few days later, he tells NMJ he's here to acknowledge his mistakes and that he's realized NMJ is "doing this" for him; he promises to bring NMJ XY's head in two months, and tells NMJ he can do whatever he likes with him if JGY does not. This is a significant change in behaviour from before the stairs, and in consideration with all the other evidence it seems to me that this is because, post-stairs, he no longer values what NMJ thinks of him, and he is now gambling on his killing NMJ before NMJ kills him.

The only area where he does push back now is NMJ's treatment of NHS, I suspect because he worries about what NMJ might do or continue to do to NHS in his remaining two months of life.

So: I really do think the evidence is pretty clear that JGY starts with Turmoil after the stairs, in that it is directly signalled by the text and in that all the evidence around it backs this up.

That said, I have seen other objections raised by various anti-JGY folk, and while some of them have more merit than others I think it's worth taking the time to go over them.

-JGY couldn't possibly have prepared the Turmoil music in the few days between the stairs and him starting to play for NMJ after.

Yes, I agree; he must have had it prepared earlier. But that only means that he had it prepared, not that he was using it, and while there are certainly people who will only prepare a weapon if they are sure they will use it, I really don't think JGY is among them. He might also have prepared it as evidence for his father that he was working on solving the problem.

-WWX didn't notice a difference between the music JGY was playing before the stairs and the music he was playing after; therefore, it must be the same music.

Honestly, I think that WWX just didn't notice. It's explicitly described as very subtle, and indeed he can't tell the difference between the altered passage and the rest of the song (ch 63):  

Wei WuXian withdrew the flute from his lips, “It really is this section? But I don’t find this section different at all.”

And he again observes how similar they are in chapter 64:  

And he combined them so well. They sound as though there were the same. His musical talent is indeed excellent.

His repeated observation that they sound just the same suggests that he could very well have failed to notice, I think, and indeed he would have heard the altered version more often.

There is also another explanation, entirely compatible with JGY only using Turmoil after the stairs. WWX says of JGY playing Turmoil that he must have "used little spiritual power" during the Clarity sections, and "only exerted power" during the Turmoil section (ch 64). So if we think WWX would definitely have noticed the difference, there is an explanation for how he nevertheless very clearly observed NMJ's hostile energy suppressed by the music; JGY might have been using his power during the (much longer) Clarity part, and only used a very little during Turmoil. Personally, I think that it fits better with the overall emotional arc if JGY didn't change the music he was playing until after the stairs; but I accept this isn't ruled out as a possibility.

I feel obliged to note that at one point, after I was challenged on the issue of JGY changing the music after the stairs and pointed out WWX noticing NMJ's hostile energy being suppressed, as above, I was offered as an explanation for the passage that JGY couldn't possibly have abruptly switched to Turmoil right away when he started playing for NMJ, because NMJ would have noticed that he was suddenly feeling worse; and that therefore WWX clearly feeling NMJ's hostile energy being suppressed was not really evidence that JGY was playing Clarity and not Turmoil before the stairs. But I disagree with this, on two counts.

First, it is not clear to me that NMJ would in fact notice. He does not seem to be very self-aware about the effects of the sabre curse. He explicitly denies it at the stairs, for example: "I am not [in turmoil]. I know what I'm doing" (ch 49). After he burns NHS' things, when JGY asks him if he's told NHS about the sabre curse yet, NMJ asks "Why would I tell him so soon?" even though at this point he is quite clearly being affected (ch 50). And when he kicks open the door to kill JGY in chapter 50, he seems not to think about the curse at all. Of course this last is moments before he qi deviates and dies and is therefore perhaps not representative, but it fits with the general pattern; I don't believe we ever see him consider whether his anger might be because of the sabre curse, and indeed he is hardly given to questioning the righteousness of his anger in general.

Secondly, and more abstractly...WWX observing the hostile energy being suppressed—"clearly feel[ing]" it being suppressed (ch 49)—may not be /literally/ incompatible with the idea that JGY changed music after the stairs. But a story isn't just a collection of facts, and I think by far the most natural interpretation of this, in context, is that JGY is playing Clarity and not Turmoil. Which is not of course to say you can't have a resistant reading here, but I think it's generally good practice to acknowledge when your readings are resistant readings, and especially if you have a resistant reading not to say it is the only possible reading of the facts.

-JGY has no motive for playing for NMJ other than wanting him dead.

If we assume rather that he doesn't want him dead, he pretty clearly has a motive to help keep NMJ's temper under control, both on a personal level (so NMJ doesn't attack or embarrass him) and on a political level (so NMJ doesn't lose it and embarrass JGS). I would also like to note that although it was some time ago, and it seems likely that even before the stairs JGY's feelings about NMJ are not as positive as once they were, we have seen JGY go to quite heroic lengths to save NMJ's life before, when he saves him from Wen Ruohan by misdirection and assassination then drag/carries his unconscious body rather than leave him there and make good his own escape.

-The stairs and the fan burning both happen before JGY starts playing for NMJ after the stairs; NMJ wouldn't do either of those things in his right mind…

I agree; the Nie have to deal with the sabre curse. I think it's worth pointing out, too, that aside from Clarity we don't see NMJ take any measures to try to deal with the curse, either directly in addressing the curse itself, or by preventing himself from acting excessively under the influence of the curse; it shouldn't be surprising, then, that the curse can cause such drastic incidents.

-…and the sabre curse wouldn't be strong enough.

This one really confuses me as an objection, I'm going to be honest. We can be pretty sure NMJ would have qi deviated eventually, Turmoil or no. NHS says this in chapter 26:

"The sabers of our past sect leaders were all heavy with hostile energy and killing intent. Almost every single sect leader met a sudden death from a qi deviation explosion. Their irritable tempers also had a lot to do with this."

(As a side note: the missing paragraph in the ER translation right after this has I think occasionally led people to the conclusion that it is the qi deviation and such that WWX suggests is similar to demonic cultivation, as opposed to the sabres turning murderous after the deaths of their owners—you can see the Taming Wangxian and the MDZS Translation versions for the full context of the exchange.)

So NMJ was almost sure to qi deviate eventually! Moreover, he would have greatly strengthened the sabre spirit through his extensive use of Baxia during Sunshot, and after the war he continues to pursue cultivating with the sabre, without, I think, any sign of moderation. And it seems likely that he is already showing recognizable symptoms of the curse by the time JGY starts playing for him alone, as Clarity seems intended to slow the progression of the curse and also like something relatively newly introduced—they don't seem to have been doing this since Sunshot just in case, or anything. So how then could we be sure that the sabre curse on its own would be insufficient?

-NMJ wasn't at all violent before JGY started playing for him

This is simply not true. Unfortunately we don't see much of him outside of Empathy, but looking exclusively at things that happen before JGY starts playing for him:

His reputation in Sunshot is about his destroying the Wen, contrasted with LXC's which is about saving people (ch 48):

During the Sunshot Campaign, stories of praise were told about all three of the Venerated Triad. The ones of ChiFeng-Zun were about how he swept over all obstacles, leaving not even a trace of the Wen-dogs after he finished. ZeWu-Jun—Lan XiChen—however, was different from him. After the situation of the Gusu area had settled down, Lan QiRen was able to defend it with great tenacity. Thus, Lan XiChen often travelled to aid others, saving lives from danger. In all of the Sunshot Campaign, he had countless times recovered lost territory and assisted narrow escapes. This was why people were ecstatic whenever they heard his name, as though they gained a ray of hope, a powerful trump card.

The description of his reaction to seeing MY kill the Jin captain pretty strongly suggests his initial reaction was to attack MY on the spot (ch 48):

Nie MingJue saw all of the scene. Without saying a word, he unsheathed his saber by an inch. A sharp ring pierced through the air.

Hearing the familiar sound of unsheathing, Meng Yao immediately trembled. He spun around, his soul almost evaporating, “… Sect Leader Nie?”

Nie MingJue pulled all of his saber out of its sheath. The body of the sword glared brightly, yet the blade itself vaguely glinted in the red shade of blood. Wei WuXian could feel the billowing anger from him, along with emotions of disappointment and hatred.

Meng Yao knew Nie MingJue’s character more than anyone else. He dropped the sword with a clang, “Sect Leader Nie, Sect Leader Nie! Please wait, please wait! I can explain!”

Even after he's listening, he ends up grabbing MY by the collar and lifting him up (ch 48). 

When he's explaining what happened with MY to LXC, he announces his intention to kill MY if he ever sees him again (ch 48), and after MY kills WRH, saving NMJ's life in doing so, and is carrying him out afterwards, he grabs his sabre from MY's hand and tries to kill MY again (ch 49). He only stops when LXC physically blocks him, and changes his mind after LXC explains that MY was in fact a spy, and I think it's worth noting that WWX believes that MY would probably have died under NMJ's attacks before LXC arrived if NMJ hadn't been heavily injured (ch 49). We're also told the brotherhood oath 3zun swear is unusually violent, in a way JGY suggests, and which LXC notably does not refute, was decided by NMJ (ch 50). Finally, while this summary of NMJ's interests is arguably from WWX's perspective, it is still notable that the only two things he's apparently interested in are "training his saberwork and killing Wen-dogs" (ch 49)—which is to say, the study of violence, and a particular and fatal application thereof. 

(Totally unrelated fun fact: I was looking at the entrance to the Phoenix Mountain Hunt for this too and apparently NMJ is seventh on the young cultivators list (ch 69). The more you know!)

I want to be very clear that I am not saying that all of NMJ's violence is unreasonable or not understandable. But that it can be reasonable and understandable does not mean that it is not violent; and it is certainly not the only reaction a person could have to the events he's reacting to. Contrast LXC, as someone rather on the other end of the spectrum.

-If NMJ were violent, JGY wouldn't risk his life killing him via Turmoil (and therefore NMJ must not be violent)

Even aside from the extensive textual evidence for NMJ's violence, I don't think this holds together. As shown above, I think it's quite clear that NMJ was in fact always a violent man, but there is absolutely no question that he's violent to JGY in his last months of life, and if you think JGY started playing Turmoil for NMJ before the stairs, then it's really extremely clear that JGY was willing to risk NMJ's violence in killing him! I think the clash between JGY's desire to live and the evident risk to his life from killing NMJ with Turmoil actually supports the position I am arguing here. Assuming we are agreed that JGY is attached to his own life, and as it's clear that as NMJ approached his end he was a danger to JGY (regardless of how that end was induced!), why was JGY playing him Turmoil?

I think the stairs make it clear to JGY that his life is not safe while NMJ is still alive. Using Turmoil, therefore, becomes a gamble he is willing to take, though still an enormously risky one: on the one hand, it appeases his father and enables him to promise NMJ he can do whatever he likes with JGY if he doesn't kill XY in two months (ch 50), a promise he obviously and understandably has no intention of keeping. But on the other hand, if NMJ doesn't die within the two months, he probably will simply kill JGY—and more than that, given his focus on JGY, he may kill JGY anyway, for some much more trivial reason. Indeed, this is exactly what almost happens just before NMJ's death, when he kicks open a door and attempts to kill JGY on the spot because JGY was complaining to LXC about NMJ's treatment of him; if LXC hadn't blocked NMJ's sabre, JGY would almost certainly have died (ch 50). But as risky as this gamble is, it is still a better bet than waiting around and hoping LXC always saves him when NMJ tries to kill him—especially taking into account the risk from his father should he do so.

-The stairs incident was good for JGY and bad for NMJ, which is evidence that JGY arranged it on purpose

...I have a lot of things to say about this position. None of them are very nice. However, as I am in fact trying to argue in good faith, I will attempt to address it as an argument.

I think this comes from a confusion of the fandom reaction to the stairs with the in-universe reaction to it. To people now, yes, looking at this makes NMJ look bad, and inspires sympathy for JGY. In-universe, however—when NMJ publically assaults JGY and tries to kill him, when he calls him Meng Yao, when he shouts he's the son of a prostitute, it's not /NMJ/ who looks bad. NMJ of course is righteous in his anger; really he's only putting that boy in his place, don't you think? I knew Chifeng-zun didn't really accept him. Etcetera. It /weakens/ JGY's position, because the cultivation world does not have the same beliefs and priorities and value judgements that we do!

Certainly if he'd actually managed to kill JGY he would suddenly have found that he had killed JGS's beloved son, the only remaining son of the Jin, a war hero, his own sworn brother who had saved NMJ's life etc etc etc. But only because then there would have been political advantage in it for JGS, and quite substantial political advantage too, and he wouldn't have to deal with JGY being around anymore. As it stands, all NMJ's actions at the stairs do for JGY is tell the world that he is vulnerable and weak and disgusting. The only significant person in-world who would find JGY more sympathetic after this incident is LXC, and frankly a) he is already deeply in sympathy with JGY and b) we don't see JGY playing it up—after LXC's appearance at the stairs rather he minimizes and soothes things, and even when we overhear his complaints to LXC around two months later he is talking about what NMJ thinks of him, and not the physical danger NMJ poses.

I will also observe that while JGY does end up losing his temper, he starts off soothing even through NMJ's first attempted assault, and only loses it after NMJ calls him Meng Yao and says "your whole thing stopped working on me since a long time ago" in front of everyone; this attempted conciliation seems an odd thing to do were he in fact trying to manipulate NMJ into assaulting him, trying to kill him, embarrassing him and weakening his position in public. You could argue that NMJ would be more angered by JGY's attempts to be soothing than he would by JGY's directness, and thus the soothing could be read as provocative, but this simply isn't backed up by the text; while NMJ was obviously already angry before JGY lost his temper, he nevertheless escalates significantly after JGY talks back.

Moreover...I think what NMJ actually does and tries to do at the stairs, in terms of violence, is sometimes not fully grasped.

The first thing he does once they're properly outside is try to hit JGY, though fortunately JGY manages to dodge. When NMJ kicks him down the stairs, even aside from calling JGY the son of a prostitute, JGY ends up rolling down more than fifty steps and acquiring a head wound—/another/ head wound, because he already had one, apparently from the physical abuse he receives at Jinlintai from Madam Jin. And finally, NMJ actually /unsheathes his sabre/ and, after LXC approaches, announces his intention to kill JGY:

Lan XiChen, “Brother, sheath your saber first—your mind is in turmoil!”

Nie MingJue, “I am not. I know what I’m doing. He’s beyond hope. If these keeps on going, he’ll do the world harm for sure. The earlier he’s killed, the earlier we can relax!”

(ch 49)

When I say that NMJ almost killed JGY at the stairs, I am not just talking about kicking him down the stairs, although that certainly could have killed JGY. I am talking about drawing his sabre on JGY with the intention of killing him. JGY would very likely have died if LXC hadn't thought they were taking too long and come to see. 

JGY can certainly take enormous risks when it's necessary—but for a risk like this he would have to be gaining something extremely significant, and I remain unconvinced he was gaining anything at all, let alone anything worth the cost.

-NMJ's actions at the stairs and his burning NHS' things are completely unrelated to any of his previous actions and motivations.

In fact, although they're certainly both significant escalations, I think that in both cases NMJ's motivations and actions draw extensively from preceding characterization.

Consider the stairs. The direct classism is certainly new, but there are several other elements that have already been established as part of NMJ's characterization: the tendency to violence, the investment in JGY behaving correctly even while ignoring incorrect behaviour around him, the approach to justice both in his particular and frequently-retributive idea of it and in his commitment to that idea, and a failure to understand the realities of JGY's position.

The violence I discussed above, and the failure to understand JGY's position has I think been discussed sufficiently elsewhere and besides would be a full post in its own right. As to NMJ's approach to justice, you can see both idea and commitment to it in his anger to the men speaking badly of MY (ch 48) and his appreciation and promotion of MY for his accomplishments (ch 48); his initial intention to kill MY after he catches him killing the Jin captain (ch 48), his subsequent insistence that MY turn himself in to the Jin (ch 48) and his intention to kill MY for his betrayal after MY tricks him and escapes (ch 48); his initial insistence that MY should pay for killing the Nie cultivators, even as he acknowledges that MY saved his life and says he will kill himself after he kills MY (ch 49); and of course in his insistence that WQ and WN should pay for their complicity with WRH, even in the face of LXC and JC's defense of them (ch 73). And in describing LWJ as "absolutely [unable to] stand wrongdoings, possibly even more than Nie HuaiSang’s brother" (ch 30), WWX implies a great deal about the extent of NMJ's inability to stand wrongdoings. Of course, not all of these instances involve NMJ seeking violent retribution as justice, but a significant portion do—about half—and it is certainly a recurring theme. This approach to justice, I should add, is certainly involved in attempting to punish JGY for his misdeeds by killing him, but it is also part of why he is so upset in the first place: in NMJ's view of things, holding XY in prison instead of executing him for his crimes is failing to see justice properly done.

The investment in JGY behaving correctly, even while caring less about the behaviour of other people around him doing the same, is likewise an established character note. WWX concludes that NMJ's desire to guide JGY is one of the main reasons he agrees to the brotherhood (ch 49); we see his disapproval of JGY associating with XY, who already has something of a bad reputation, at the Flower Banquet (ch 49); at the conference after WWX rescues the Wen, when JGY backs up his father's lie about what WWX said about JC, NMJ seems to mark it more heavily than JGS' initial lie (ch 73). And then, of course, there is this, from the scene just before JGY starts playing for NMJ (ch 49):

In reality, it wasn’t that Jin GuangYao could calm Nie MingJue’s anger, but that since Jin GuangYao came, all of Nie MingJue’s anger would be directed at him alone, having no time to scold others. Thus, there was nothing wrong with saying that he was Nie HuaiSang’s knight in shining armor.

While NMJ's actions at the stairs are certainly not something he'd have done without the sabre curse, and again the direct classism is new, it nevertheless very much ties in to his preexisting characterization.

What about the burning of NHS' things? Again, many elements of the situation derive from NMJ's preexisting characterization; in this case, his tendency to release his anger on physical objects, his desire for NHS to be a strong cultivator and his angry displeasure with NHS' actual interests and capabilities, and his threatening to burn NHS' things.

Although prior to the burning of NHS' things it seems to be usually a momentary lashing out, NMJ definitely has a history of releasing his anger on physical objects. When he is annoyed at the men speaking badly about MY, he knocks down (or carves up? the English is unclear) a boulder at the front of the cave (ch 48); when he decides not to kill MY after LXC explains MY was their spy, he carves a boulder in half (ch 49); and he cracks the top of a table by bringing his palm down on it in the scene just before JGY starts playing for him (ch 49).

As to NMJ's desire for his brother to focus on and do well at cultivation, and his displeasure at NHS' actual areas of focus, this is perhaps one of his most consistent beats of characterization. We see it in our introduction to NHS at the Cloud Recesses lectures (ch 13); in NHS' plea for WWX's help with the test (ch 14); in LXC's message to NHS from NMJ and NHS' reason for staying in CR instead of going to Caiyi Town (ch 16); in WWX's reminiscences about NHS after discussing the "Man-Eating Ridge" with the "know-it-all of Qinghe" (ch 21); in NMJ and LXC's discussion when NMJ brings LXC NHS' sabre during in Sunshot (ch 48); and of course in the scene just before JGY starts playing for NMJ, both in his initial anger at NHS' preoccupation with the fans and uncertainty about his sabre's location, and in his dismissal of NHS as a "good-for-nothing" even after his temper had faded (ch 49).

The threatening to burn NHS' things, on the other hand, I believe we only see once, and really in the form of "instructing NHS to burn certain specific things of his"; but it is in the very scene before JGY starts playing for NMJ, as NMJ tells NHS to burn the fans he has just been going over tenderly before JGY interrupts (ch 49).

Indeed, I think that scene in general is very much worth a look here, for what it has and for what it doesn't. On the one hand, we do see NHS' fear of NMJ—he literally falls to his knees in terror, and stutters even after getting up! But he also seems fairly comfortable after the worst of NMJ's anger passes, and when NMJ sends him off he goes not to his room as instructed, but to the living room for the gifts JGY has brought him. Yet many of the elements of NMJ's later destruction of NHS' things are present here, and to my mind one of the most important things about the scene is its illustration of what prevents NMJ from carrying out the threats he made in his anger. It's not that he's convinced he's being unreasonable—indeed, he doesn't seem to consciously change his mind at all. Instead it is simply that repeated interruptions and NHS's ridiculous appearance as he greets JGY end up draining his temper, and with his temper drained he no longer pursues punishing NHS. But this has obvious implications for what might happen if NMJ's anger did not diminish, and I think it's quite clear how the behaviour NMJ exhibits in this scene could lead to NMJ burning NHS' things simply by giving him a more sustained burst of temper, even as it is not something NHS ever expected to happen, or something that would happen had NMJ's temper not been worsened by the sabre curse.

To conclude this section—while NMJ's actions at the stairs and in burning NHS' things are certainly unprecedented in themselves, they are nevertheless solidly rooted in NMJ's preexisting characterization, and it's easy to see how the sabre curse could lead to these extreme escalations. 

To conclude the post, I think the direct evidence is quite clear that JGY was playing Clarity before the stairs, and I think the indirect evidence also significantly supports it; nor am I convinced by various objections I have seen, for reasons I hope I have conveyed.

[alittlebitmaybe]

comme un écho

AKA whoops i talked to @yoursummerfrost about orpheus and eurydice and then tripped and fell on this very weird ficlet that is only sort of what i meant it to be. uh oh. (title lifted from “it’s never over (oh orpheus)” by arcade fire because i’m incredibly literal sometimes)

warnings: off-screen major character death

*

The mage had told him to perform the ritual in a field of wildflowers.

“Plenty of life,” she said.

Jaskier had asked, “For what?”

“To feed it,” she said, and did not elaborate.

And as he follows her instructions, surrounded by blooming weeds and swaying grasses, he sees that she was right. As the herbs and other unmentionables in the bowl burn, scorching the wooden sides, the green around him darkens to black. He feels the magic tugging at his energy and resists it. The ruin spreads from his epicenter, cursing the very dirt on which he kneels. A slow but inexorable exchange, and Jaskier thinks it fair. Geralt had watered the earth with his blood and now the earth must give back.

“You’re out of your depth, bard,” the mage had said as he turned to leave, her lips pursed. Was she amused or disapproving? Jaskier didn’t care, nor, he suspected, did she. Her pockets were full, and his own empty.

He hefted the lute higher on his back, clutched at the strap across his chest.

“And yet,” he said.

“He will not come easily,” she said.

“He never did,” Jaskier replied.

The flame in the bowl burns out with a flare of noxious smoke that stings Jaskier’s eyes, makes him cough. The world hums. It’s a tune of his own, as of yet unsung, plucked from his consciousness. It reaches out to him and burrows under his skin. Pulling. He follows it.

Between two gnarled, ancient trees, in the arch of their overlapping branches (Which belongs to which? Where does one stop and the other begin? If one was broken, would the other suffer for it?) the air shimmers.

The tune fades and in its place is a whisper saying, Come.

*

The stairs spiral downward for hours, days. Jaskier’s legs do not ache and he does not hunger, but it is ever so quiet. He takes the lute from his back and plays every song he’s ever composed in Geralt’s honor. Maybe Geralt can hear them. Maybe he will know Jaskier is on his way.

“Get ready, Witcher,” Jaskier says to the darkness. “Gather your underworldly things. You won’t be coming back any time soon. I can promise you that.”

And he says, “I’m sorry that you were alone. I’m sorry that I was too late.”

And he says, when the darkness presses upon him, when it seems the stairs will never end, “I don’t know when I began to love you, but it has been long enough that I don’t know how not to.”

And he says, “I’ve done this for you. You deserve to have a better life. You deserve to live.”

And he takes one more step and trips, for there is no stair where he expected there to be one. He taps the toe of his boot against the ground. It’s solid. He lifts his hand in front of his own face and it is invisible. There is no breeze, no sound, no smells, no light. There’s nothing down here.

In the face of such vastness, Jaskier is insignificant. He is nothing. You are nothing. You are less than a flea clinging to the fur of a great beast. You will be mine. You will become a part of me. You will cease. You will be forgotten.

“Hold on now,” Jaskier says, head whipping around. “Who’s there?”

I am everything that has been. I await everything that is. I anticipate what will be. I am.

“You’re Death,” Jaskier realizes, perhaps belatedly.

There is no such thing. I have no name. I have no need of it.

“That’s okay,” Jaskier says. “I don’t give a rat’s arse who or what you are.” His heart thumps arrhythmically, and sweat drips from his brow. He swipes it off on his sleeve. He is far under water. His lungs fill. He ignores it, swallows. Throws back his shoulders. “I’m here for Geralt of Rivia.”

There is no Geralt of Rivia.

“Bullshit.”

You are insolent.

“I’ve been told.”

You will be mine.

“Perhaps.” Jaskier licks his lips, an unbreakable habit. “But I will live on.”

You will not.

He laughs a little, despite himself, a nervous little giggle that he stifles as quickly as he can, clearing his throat. “On the contrary, I am an artist. I shan’t die as long as my art lives. And art does not die.”

Art? Art is not living. I have no use of it.

“Exactly,” he says. “Yes, precisely. It does not live or die. It simply is. Whatever you—whatever you are, being of, ah, all-ness…or what have you—whatever you are, whatever comprises you, you have none of art. You have no music, no stories, none at all. You will always lack it.”

There is a thoughtful pause.

I desire it.

“I can give it to you. Did you hear? I played my whole way down.”

I heard.

“Did you enjoy it? Three words or less.”

It was pleasing.

Jaskier exhales. “That’s actually a decent review, as these things go. I’m glad. I mean, would you like more? I could write you a song. Got a decent hand at improv, me. Won’t take a moment.”

A song. For me?

“Yes,” Jaskier promises, feeling the weight of it as it passes over his tongue, “a song, only for you. I shall never play it again. Well, um, on one condition.”

You want Geralt of Rivia.

“Oh, you were paying attention. Smart one, you are, Your…um, Majesty.”

I can retrieve him. If I am careful. He is me. I am him.

“Truly, I understand. His loss, for me, was…” Jaskier struggles for adequate words. “Irreconcilable. But you will always have the memory of your song to take his place.”

You sang of him.

“I do. Rather habitually. Every day of my life, in fact.”

Hmm.

“You sound like him already. So, whaddaya say?”

Play for me.

*

He plays, and every note that vibrates out from his lute, every note that leaves his mouth disappears from his mind. It is absorbed from him upon conception. He doesn’t know what the last measure was, nor what the next will be. He does not know what key or time signature his song is in, but he knows it’s a song. And that is all he promised.

It ends, and Jaskier does not notice. Possibly his jaw hangs open stupidly for minutes after it is over. He closes it.

“Was, um, was that…”

Yes. I will give you your reward.

“You will?” Jaskier asks, surprised despite himself.

I will release Geralt of Rivia, for you have given me something in return. And I will regain him, as I will gain you. We will meet again, bard.

“I—How do—”

You will walk forward. You will ascend, and he will follow. Until he emerges above, he is still a part of me. You may not look upon him, as you may not look upon me. You must not look back.

“How will I know he is there?”

He will follow.

“How will I know it is him?”

You must have faith.

“How—” Jaskier chokes now, tears welling up. He is glad no one can see. “Will he be—himself?”

Entirely. Once he emerges.

“Thank you,” Jaskier whispers.

It is time. Walk forward. In three paces, you shall begin to ascend. Be well, bard.

*

Jaskier climbs. The stairs remember his tread, the shape of his feet. It’s easy.

There are footsteps behind him. Are they Geralt’s? Do they match the way he shifts his weight, the deliberate heel-toe steps that Jaskier has been hearing for decades? He’s not sure.

Jaskier is afraid. More afraid than ever before. There could be anything back there. Anything at all. He must not look.

But he is not forbidden to talk.

“Geralt?” he says, tentatively. “Geralt, is that you?”

A grunt. “It’s me, Jaskier.”

And it is, thank the gods, it is. “Sounds like you,” he says, voice carefully measured, lest he sob in relief.

Silence. Four, five more stairs. They will not end. When will they end?

“How’ve you been, Witcher? It’s good to hear you again, my friend.”

“Where are we?”

“Well, who’s to say,” Jaskier says lightly. “Tell me, what do you last remember?”

“Bleeding out in a forest. I couldn’t get up. I waited to die. I…died. I died, didn’t I, Jaskier?”

Jaskier chooses to take that as rhetorical, and does not answer.

“Anything else?”

“Not until now. Is this a dream?”

“To my knowledge, no, Geralt, it is not. I pray that this is not a dream.”

“Then where—?”

Jaskier picks up his foot, sets it down. One stair at a time. There have been hundreds, there will be more. Is that light above? No, a trick of his eyes. He is still blind.

“Not to worry. We’ll soon be outside. It’s a beautiful day, you know. Big blue sky. Everything in bloom. Your favorite time of the year. We’ll have to do some foraging, stock up for potions. I have your things, of course, but I don’t know the shelf life of your concoctions.”

“A quarter year.”

“Ah, might have to make fresh, then.”

But no, it is growing brighter. Jaskier can see the faint silhouettes of his hands, the edges of the stairs to come. If he were to turn back he might be able to see the gleam of Geralt’s eyes, but he mustn’t.

Why mustn’t he? Oh, yes, the warning. He—can’t look back. He must not—

“Jaskier,” Geralt says again. “I’m dead.”

“You are, Geralt, yes, is that what you would like to hear?” Jaskier says, a little hysterically. “But you won’t be for much longer, if we just keep going.”

“Where are you taking me?”

“Where? Where?” His pitch climbs with the staircase. Around and around. Dizzying. So many circles. “Above, Geralt. Back home, of course.”

“Why?”

Jaskier has to stop himself from whirling around. “Good gods, you ask me why? I follow you for decades, I immortalize you in song, and the witcher asks me why.” He draws in a great lungful of air, releases it. “I love you, you great idiot. I have loved you.”

The response comes, so softly, a mere rumble, “I know. That’s why I asked.”

The stairs are made of warped stone. He can see that now. They are well worn, dipping in the centers. It can’t be far. “Please, Geralt, we’re almost there.”

“You haven’t answered me. Why you would do this.”

“I was supposed to let you rot, huh? I was meant to live on as if it was fine? As if nothing was missing?”

“Yes,” says Geralt. “You didn’t ask me if I wanted to come back.”

“Of course you did. Of course you do.”

“I don’t,” says Geralt.

Jaskier stops, and behind him the second set of footsteps also halts.

“It was peaceful. It was my time.”

“It wasn’t,” Jaskier whispers. “Don’t tell me that.”

“Look at me.”

“I can’t.”

There is a touch to the small of his back, a gust of air across the nape of his neck. So familiar. He aches.

“Jaskier.” A strong hand closes around his wrist. He doesn’t look down at it, not even a glance. “The world doesn’t need me anymore.”

“What about the monsters? The wars?”

“There is Yennefer, and Ciri, and Eskel and the rest. There will always be someone.”

With dread creeping through his limbs, Jaskier says, “You’re telling me you don’t want to come back. Is that right?”

“Yes.”

He can almost hear the creaking of the intertwined, ancient trees above. It is just a few more steps.

“You can’t tell me that, not when I—”

Arms come around him, and he shuts his eyes. “Jaskier, I would rather have done what I have done and no more, than continue on and overstay my welcome. I would rather have my peace.”

“What if I need you?” Jaskier breathes.

“I am with you.”

“You weren’t.”

Geralt’s hand comes to rest over his heart. It is not cold nor hot through Jaskier’s doublet. It simply isn’t much of anything at all. There, but insubstantial. It trails its way up his jaw, traces over his bottom lip. “You forget,” Geralt says, “that I am in your words. That I will live on. Isn’t that what you said? Art does not die.”

“You heard.”

“I must have.”

“That’s not fair.” Jaskier sniffles, knowing full well he sounds like a child. “I came all this way. I have always followed you. What am I supposed to do now?”

“Whatever you wish.”

“I will sing of you until I can’t any longer, to anyone who will listen, and to many who will not.”

A smile, pressed to his ear. “I can think of no better way to be loved.”

Something nags at Jaskier, and he can’t say what. He is surrounded by a body he knows as well as his own, yet it’s not right. Why?

The body releases him. It says, “Look at me, Jaskier. That’s all you have to do.”

“You’re not Geralt, are you,” he says with trepidation, eyes still squeezed tight. “Are you? Don’t lie.”

“Jaskier.”

He breathes in. Opens his eyes. Grips the lute strap in both hands. Turns.

Silvered hair, sad golden eyes, a sharp nose, wispy around the edges.

“Geralt,” he whispers, reaching out even as the form dissipates. Called back to the bottom of the stairwell.

“Thank you, Jaskier,” it says, and then it is gone.

[2tired2study]

hi! i’ve recently finished the picture of dorian gray so let’s go over my favorite quotes (in order from the ones that appear in the book first to last)

if they know nothing of victory, they are at least spared the knowledge of defeat

being natural is simply a pose, and the most irritating pose i know

and as for believing things, i can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible

when our eyes met, i felt that i was growing pale. a curious sensation of terror came over me. i knew that i had come face to face with someone whose mere personality was so fascinating that, if i allowed it to do so, it would absorb my whole nature, my whole soul, my very art itself

he, too, felt that we were destined to know each other

laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is by far the best ending for one

a man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies

i like persons better than principles, and i like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world

every day. i couldn’t be happy if i didn’t see him every day. he is absolutely necessary to me

he is all my art to me now

it is only the intellectually lost who ever argue

and the mind of a thoroughly well-informed man is a dreadful thing

there is no such thing as a good influence, mr gray. all influence is immoral; immoral from the scientific point of view

he becomes an echo of someone else’s music

but the bravest man among us is afraid of himself

nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul

some day, when you are old and wrinkled and ugly, when thought has seared your forehead with its lines, and passion branded your lips with its hideous fires,you will feel it, you will feel it terribly

man is many things, but he is not rational

examinations, sir, are pure humbug from beginning to end. if a man is a gentleman, he knows quite enough, and if he is not a gentleman, whatever he knows is bad for him

behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic

there was something fascinating in this son of love and death

really! and where do bad americans go to when they die?... they go to america

well, the way of paradoxes is the way of truth

all i want now is to look at life. you may come and look at it with me, if you care to

punctuality is the thief of time

it is only the sacred things that are worth touching

when one is in love, one always begins by deceiving ones self, and one always ends by deceiving others

there is always something infinitely mean about other peoples tragedies

how different he was now than the shy frightened boy he had met in basil hallwards studio! his nature had developed like a flower, had borne blossoms of scarlet flame. out of its secret hiding-place had crept his soul, and desire had come to meet it on the way

it is personalities, not principles, that move the age

people are very fond of giving away what they need most themselves

he lives the poetry that he cannot write. the others write the poetry that they dare not realize

human life—that appeared to him the one thing worth investigating

to note the curious hard logic of passion, and the emotional coloured life of the intellect—to observe where they had met, and where they separated, at what point they were in unison, and at what point they were at discord—there was a delight in that! what matter was the cost? one could never pay too high a price for any sensation

with his beautiful face, and his beautiful soul, he was a thing to wonder at. it was no matter how it all ended, or was destined to end. he was like one of those gracious figures in a pageant or a play, whose joys seem to be remote from one, but whose sorrows stir ones sense of beauty, and whose wounds are like red roses

the senses could refine, and the intellect could degrade

all that it really demonstrated was that our future would be the same as our past, and that the sun we had done once, and with loathing, we would do many times, and with joy

it often happened that when we thought we were experimenting on others we were really experimenting on ourselves

the joy of a caged bird was in her voice

she was free in her prison of passion

i love him because he is like what love himself should be.

he was like a common gardener walking with a rose

he had the dislike of being stared at, which comes on geniuses late in life and never leaves the commonplace

to be in love is to surpass ones self

my wonderful lover, my god of graces

i wish i had, for as sure as there is a god in heaven, if he ever does you any wrong, i shall kill him

whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives

i don’t want to see dorian tied to some vile creature, who might degrade his nature and ruin his intellect

we are not sent into the world to air our moral prejudices

and unselfish people are colourless. they lack individuality

you are much better than you pretend to be

of course, it is sudden—all really delightful things are

he is not like other men. he would never bring misery upon any one. his nature is too fine for that

but i am afraid i cannot claim my theory as my own. it belongs to nature, not to me

no civilized man ever regrets a pleasure, and no uncivilized man ever knows what a pleasure is

there was a gloom over him

he felt that dorian gray would never again be to him all that he had been in the past

any one you love must be marvellous

it is not good for ones morals to see bad acting

there are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating—people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing

you taught me what reality really is

you had made me understand what love really is

you are more to me than all art can ever be

there is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love

a faint echo of his love came back to him

we live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities

when we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us

i cant bear the idea of my soul being hideous

one can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing

nothing makes one so vain as being told that one is a sinner

it is only shallow people who require years to get rid of an emotion

you were the most unspoiled creature in the whole world

of you wish me never to look at your picture again, i am content. i have always you to look at

from the moment i met you, your personality had the most extraordinary influence over me. i was dominated, soul, brain, and power, by you

i grew jealous of every one to whom you spoke. i wanted to have you all to myself. i was only happy when i was with you

i only knew that i had seen perfection face to face

i grew more and more absorbed in you

you are made to be worshipped

in every pleasure, cruelty has its place

but it was to teach man to concentrate himself upon the moments of life that is itself but a moment

out of the unreal shadows of the night comes back the real life that we had known. we have to resume it where we left off, and there steals over us a terrible sense of the necessity for the continuance of energy in the same wearisome round of stereotyped habits, or a wild longing, it nat be, that our eyelids might open some morning upon a world that had been refashioned anew in the darkness for our pleasure, a world in which things would have fresh shapes and colours, and be changed, or have other secrets, a world in which the past would have little or no place, or survive, at any rate, in no conscious form of obligation or regret, the remembrance of even joy having its bitterness and the memories of pleasure their pain

yet, as had been said of him before, no theory of life seemed to him to be of any importance compared with life itself

he saw that there was no mood of the mind that had not its counterpart

art, like nature, has her monsters

is insincerity such a terrible thing? i think not. it is merely a method by which we can multiply our personalities

and mind you don’t talk about anything serious. nothing is serious nowadays. at least nothing should be

i am tired of myself tonight. i should like to be someone else

sin is a thing that writes itself across a mans face

you forget that we are in the native land of the hypocrite

that is the reason why i want you to be fine. you have not been fine

you have a wonderful influence. let it be for good, not for evil

i wonder do i know you? before i could answer that, i should have to see your soul

my god! don’t tell me that you are bad, and corrupt, and shameful

so you think it is only god who sees the soul, basil? draw that curtain back, and you will see mine

each of us has heaven and hell in him, basil

you are the one man who is able to save me

don’t speak about those days, dorian—they are dead... the dead linger sometimes

lord henry, i am not at all surprised that the world says that you are extremely wicked

life is a great disappointment

i like men who have a future and women who have a past

moderation is a fatal thing. enough is as bad as a meal. more than enough is as good as a feast

you always want to know what one has been doing. i always want to forget what i have been doing

his soul, certainly, was sick to death

he was prisoned in thought. memory, like a horrible malady, was eating his soul away

ones days were too brief to take the burden of another’s errors on ones shoulders

it is a sad truth, but we have lost the faculty of giving lovely names to things

to define is to limit

to be popular one must be a mediocrity

romance lives by repetition, and repetition converts an appetite into an art

i am searching for peace

the appeal to antiquity is fatal to us who are romanticists

sick with a wild terror of dying, and yet indifferent to life itself

horror seemed once more to lay its hand upon his heart

how terrible it was to think that conscience could raise such fearful phantoms

he had a wild adoration for you and that you were the dominant motive of his art

when you and he ceased to be great friends, he ceased to be a great artist

if a man treats life artistically, his brain is his heart

art has a soul, but that man had not

the soul is a terrible reality

to get back my youth i would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable

but a chance tone of colour in a room or a morning sky, a particular perfume that you had once loved and that brings subtle memories with it, a line from a forgotten poem that you had come across again, a cadence from a piece of music that you had ceased to play—i tell you, dorian, that it is on things like these that our lives depend

life has been your art

the books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world it’s own shame

the world is changed because you are made of ivory and gold. the curves of your lips rewrite history

it was the living death of his own soul that troubled him

as it had killed the painter, so it would kill the painters work, and all that that meant. it would kill the past, and when that was dead, he would be free

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 14 first part

(RR The Untamed Masterpost) (Canary’s Pinboard - more Masterposts) 

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Murder Turtle, Continued

Lan Wangji wakes up after a good night's sleep leaning against a rock wall, to find that his leg is no longer splinted, and his perfectly clean and unbloody headband has been put back on his head while he was sleeping.

Leaving aside the "not waking up" part of things, how, exactly, did Wei Wuxian get his headband on without mussing his hair? Did he bring a crochet hook?

Wei Wuxian gives him a sitrep and then they cozy up and have an extended conversation about the nature and history of the Tortoise of Slaughter. Wei Wuxian is interested in everything Lan Wangji has to say, and Lan Wangji talks a lot more than usual; they are completely on the same wavelength here and are enjoying swapping obscure knowledge.

Lan Wangji: My lacerated leg and I are actually super aware that it has big teeth, but thanks for the reminder.

In the course of the conversation, Wei Wuxian mentions his plan to 1. sneak into the tortoise's shell and 2. drive it out of its shell so they can attack it. 

OP did a little tortoise research and learned that the only species of turtle that can leave its shell is the Koopa Troopa.

Good news for Wei Wuxian: If you jump on its shell in the right spot, you can rack up a pile of extra lives.

Does that make the Tortoise of Slaughter a giant Koopa Troopa? Perhaps...the king of the Koopa Troopas?

I'm gonna say yes.

(More after the cut)

Let’s Go Killing

Wei Wuxian is exhilarated by the idea of fighting a giant dangerous monster with Lan Wangji. Some day Wei Wuxian will found the Nike clan, because his motto is definitely "Just do it." 

It's sweet how, in his romantic notions about chivalry and Lan Wangji, he's completely elided the original reason they were (sort of) told to venture together. 

Wei Wuxian: I'm still on the "find the Yin Iron" quest; I'm just skipping the "suppress it" part.  

Wei Wuxian weighs up their chances against Bowser and tells Lan Wangji that even if they die, it will be badass to be killed by a famous monster, so they won't have to feel embarrassed.

This is the exact moment that Lan Wangji's feelings for Wei Wuxian go from "smitten" to "gagging for it."

Lan Wangji: as soon as we get out of here I'm going to borrow a whole lot of books from Nie Huaisang

The boys come up with a plan that involves a rather long montage of collecting archery equipment and deconstructing it. This potentially-dull montage is fun to watch because they are both very, very good looking.

Artists who want to draw Wang Yibo as an elven archer, this is your episode.

Now we suddenly have, with zero explanation, telepathy. Ok, sure. It seems to work kind of like a phone conversation, in which they say specific things to each other, rather than like Cherry Magic telepathy where you can hear everything the other person is thinking. Or at least, neither of them is embarrassed, so I assume they are maintaining some mental privacy.

Club Ruohan

Same, Wen Chao, same

At some point there is a boring sequence at Club Ruohan.  Wen Ruohan doesn't know where Xue Yang is, but really wants his hunk of Yin Iron. Wen Chao thinks that WRH's 3 pieces of Yin Iron should be able to beat Xue Yang's 1 piece, but apparently he is dumb and that is not how math works. O...kay? OP does not understand this either but whatever, Wen Ruohan is boring, moving on. This scene is really just here to make us think about Yin Iron before Wei Wuxian jumps into Bowser's shell.

Bigger On The Inside

So then Wei Wuxian climbs into Bowser's shell, which is, to quote The 12th Doctor, bigger on the inside.

Bowser’s shell is the approximate size of my entire house. It is also bathed in a hellish pure red photo filter, which OP has done her best to remove for these gifs, because it gives me eye strain and it obscures Xiao Zhan's hotness.

Camera Operator: What did I do? 

Wei Wuxian wanders around inside, finding random corpses encased in slime cocoons. Tortoise, spider, xenomorph, whatever. There are also random curtain things hanging all over, and then at one point Wei Wuxian stares into the face of a corpse, and then does a jump scare response at the camera operator even though nothing particular happened. 

I imagine the corpse was supposed to open its eyes and say "killl meeee" but it got censored. He also makes about 8 other faces at the camera operator, so we get that the inside of this TARDIS-like tortoise shell (must...resist...temptation...to...say...TORDIS) is yucky.

Lan Wangji waits outside listening to Wei Wuxian telepathically complain about the smell.  He is anxiously clenching a bundle of string and an arrow, and wishing he could clench Wei Wuxian Bichen instead.

Serendipitous Yin Iron

Wei Wuxian backs his way through the TORDIS until his butt bumps into a sword that is steaming with resentful energy. That's right: Wei Wuxian is about to pull a piece of Yin Iron almost literally out of his ass.

He grabs it and is overwhelmed by its screaming resentful energy and has to let it go again.

So this is what a vibrator with 4 batteries feels like

When Bowser comes looking for him, however, he quickly decides to go for it, grabbing the sword and singing "I've Got the Power (Gonna Make You Sweat)"

Wei Wuxian plunges the sword into Bowser's lower jaw, and Bowser pulls his entire head out of his shell with Wei Wuxian attached, while leaving the rest of his body and all rational laws of physics inside the shell.

Gamera Versus the Cultivators

What follows is one of the more ridiculous action sequences in the history of the world, and I say that as someone who likes Mothra movies. 

Wei Wuxian hovers in a perfect horizontal plank while “hanging from” the sword, which is held well below the level of his torso. While Bowser spins him around. For much of the time, Bowser keeps his head still and just waves his neck around.

Lan Wangji and the camera operator do everything they possibly can to make "guy pulls on string" look interesting. 

Everybody tries really, really hard and the actors are great at pretending something is there when it isn't, but this whole sequence is just horribly conceived.

What works well, though, is the Yin energy and Wei Wuxian's wrangling of it. He starts off being frightened and overwhelmed, and looking like it's too much for him; I dont' know if they made his face puffy on purpose or if that's just what happens when you spend days hanging from the ceiling fighting an imaginary monster. But he looks slack and unwell as he grapples with the iron sword.

Which makes this moment, when he gets control of it, deliciously creepy. He uses the power of the Yin Iron to stick a bunch of pokey things into Bowser's neck.

Lan Wangji has seen him struggling and now sees him...not struggling. Which scares the piss out of him, and he moves to finish the fight as quickly as possible, slicing up his hand and breaking the string. Combined with the pokey things, this does the trick and Bowser dies while Wei Wuxian faints and falls into the water.

Do the Whumpty Whump

Lan Wangji rescues him and wakes him up, and Wei Wuxian clutches the Yin Iron sword and tells Lan Wangji that he was knocked out by the screaming of disembodied voices.

This certainly sounds like a strange and dangerous phenomenon, so Lan Wangji carefully asks him to explain everything.

Ha ha ha j/k. Lan Wangji asks him exactly nothing about the strange sword or the black smoke or his weird evil smile or his new power over pointy objects. Lan Wangji appears to have a Star Trek: TNG level of unconcern about strange phenomena happening directly under his nose. But in fact he has noticed what's up, which is why he will be instantly distressed when he sees Wei Wuxian's flute moves at the Wen Corporate Headquarters.

Wei Wuxian has a fever (stay positive test negative) and comments on Lan Wangji's being so nice to him.

Wei Wuxian: I could never have imagined Lan Er Gongzi acting this concerned about me. Lan Wangji: what else have you never imagined me doing, while we're on the subject? 

Lan Wangji transfers a stream of spiritual energy to him. Lan Wangji has so much spiritual power he can be a battery for Wei Wuxian without breaking a sweat or, like, noticing whether Wei Wuxian has a golden core or not, for that matter.

Wei Wuxian basks in the nice feeling of gigajoules for a while but then decides he's bored. So then he pouts, whines, and cajoles Lan Wangji in exactly, EXACTLY the way he whines at Jiang Yanli.  I think this, while annoying of him, is a leap forward in his relationship with Lan Wangji.

He's letting his guard down and not just allowing Lan Wangji to take care of him; he's demanding to be cared for on multiple vectors, when he asks the guy who's already busy healing him to sing to him as well.

Lan Wangji obliges, singing him the song he composed about their love cultivation journey, while Wei Wuxian (or possibly Lan Wangji) (or possibly both) has a flashback to assorted sexy interactions that they've had so far.

Wei Wuxian memorizes the song perfectly on one hearing, before passing out.

Writing Prompt: Baldur’s Gate III / Untamed Crossover AU featuring elf archer Lan Wangji

I DARE YOU

Soundtrack: 1. Everybody Dance Now by C+C Music Factory 2. Paradise by the Dashboard Light by Meatloaf 

Wei Wuxian fainting tally (cumulative): 3

[missyasf]

Game Of Hearts

| 2 |

↳ Summary: Your life is in monotonous tones of grey, day in, day out. Nothing matters besides your sister, the only thing you remember is seeing fireworks before waking up to Tokyo abandoned . Soon enough you are properly introduced to the deadly Borderlands where you must fight for your life in Games to survive. When things can’t possibly get worse soon division arises and rivalries are made. No matter what though, you are constantly plagued by a blonde who, no matter how hard you try, just can’t seem to go too far without.

↳ Pairing: Chishiya/Reader

↳ Genre: Angst, smut, thriller

Word Count: 7k

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Trigger Warning: ⚠️ much like the manga/Netflix adaptation this will be a dark fic which includes mentions of prostitution, attempted murder, child ab*se, sexual harassment, heavy grief and attempted suic*de among other things. Additional warnings will be added for chapters when triggers are brought up. Please read with caution if these are triggers for you or just skip all together! 

“So...you beat a 6 of diamonds by yourself on your first try?” 

..what the fuck was your sister doing. No really. What did she think she was doing? She had this...look on her face ever since she had been formally introduced to Chishiya and you didn’t like it one bit. Akari had exchanged glances with you several times as you wanted to wilt in embarrassment while your sister continued to parade with this act.

“It was a game of Blackjack, I wasn’t familiar with the rules but after one round it was easy to pick up.” If anything this was a good stroke on his ego which he had to know was getting on your nerves. 

It was painfully obvious your sister was trying to make an effort to show some sort of attraction to him to get his attention? You weren’t sure, truthfully all you knew was that if you knew it had to be clear to Chishiya as well who as always kept that same stoic expression on his face, not the slightest interest besides potentially making you mad, “Losers were hung and cheaters were shot.” 

You scrunched your face as you watched his eyes flicker to yours briefly, a glimpse of a cheshire smirk on his lips that vanished instantly making your eyes hone into a childish glare. He knew you didn’t like this! He knew it! You just knew that he did! 

“Hey, not to come off strong or anythin’ but…” Akari scrunched her nose, “Is your sister a virgin or something? She seems like she really wants to hop on that guys dick.” 

You didn’t mean to flail at her words but they were just so jarring to hear. Virgin? Dick? Chishiya? No way in hell should those three words ever be in the same sentence. This drew his attention briefly despite not hearing what Akari had said- thank god.

“I don’t fucking know…!” You whispered harshly to her, “And it’s none of my business but…” you rubbed your neck as you sighed, “She probably is.” You relented making Akari howl laughing as you pinched the bridge of your nose, “She’s always had this thing with being insecure and feeling like she’s never enough for guys…personally I always felt the opposite.”

“You’re extremely attractive and no man is worthy of you?” Akari tilted her head as she shrugged, “I can see it.”

“No!” You replied a little flustered, tugging on a strand of hair, “I mean I feel like if she was just confident in herself she’d get laid as much as she wants…” you had decided to not continue your original words with what you had intended. Which was, Nanami always compared herself to you. Nothing made you feel worse than knowing she constantly beat herself up because of you. 

Many considered it pretty privilege. It existed, sure.

Did you experience this? More than your fair share, more than you ever wanted truthfully. To the point of feeling dehumanized in a way. Particularly in your line of work as a prostitute before all this happened. Or maybe it was before then? You can’t remember anymore. 

Regardless, you often found that while people were much nicer to you. They are always extremely insincere. Particularly men. Watching Nanami get a little closer to Chishiya made you immediately stand up as you gave her a menacing smile, “Nanami, can I talk to you for a second, alone?” 

….

“What’s the problem with it!” Nanami had that sour pout she always sported when you call her out on something that wasn’t typically considered- but she also knew- wasn’t a good idea either, “Sure he’s not a prince charming but…” She tugged on a strand of hair as she let a tiny girlish smile tug on her lips, “He’s still pretty cute, and besides we almost just died tonight! I feel like I earned it.”

Shifting away from her, you facepalmed as you sighed, you understood. You did, you all almost died and now what better way to celebrate then getting finally losing your virginity in celebration. No you couldn’t relate to that in particular but you understood. Still...couldn’t she have picked someone a little more… “I just...don’t think it’s a good idea talking to him. That’s all…! I mean seriously, look at him. He’d probably stab us in our sleep if it meant he got an extra charge on his phone.”

“What? So you’re saying I can’t talk to him?” Nanami crossed her arms as she glared at you ungratefully, as you wistfully sighed, looking out to where the other two sat, they were a good distance away where they both sat talking at the fire Akari had built.

You glanced away from her as you puffed a breath, not sure why she was getting such a sour attitude, did she seriously like this guy that much already? Because that wouldn’t do, at all, “Look I’m not saying you can’t talk to him I’m just saying...stop...whatever you’re trying to do! Chishiya is...Nami…!” You cried out in frustration as you grabbed your head, “A guy like that is only going to gaslight the fuck out of you! Take it from me, no amount of skill in bed is good enough for that! He’s trouble Nanami.” 

“Then why did you ask him to come with us?” Nanami accused you as she glared at you even more sour than before as you groaned. To be fair he did decline at first. Initially you had asked Chishiya about the beach just as a start to figure out what the guy Ryu was talking about but all of sudden Chishiya said he changed his mind and he wanted to stay with you all. Probably out of curiosity of what the Beach was. You couldn’t blame him. 

“He wanted to come with us regardless of me because of looking for the Beach!” You retaliated, why was she getting so defensive!? You just had her best interest at heart here! Whatever if she really wanted to sleep with him that much it wasn’t your business but you didn’t want to deal with her crying when he busted one and conveniently found a reason to leave again. You paused your thought as you glanced at Chishiya who was looking up at the sky.

Would he really do something like that though? Brief hesitation passed through you, you didn’t know. You didn’t know anything with him. For the first time in your life, you didn’t know. And it put you on edge. Severely. What was his intention here? A part of you doubted he’d even sleep with Nanami, just because of who he was. 

Regardless of what happened, you still weren’t sure about him. Just because you had been partnered with Chishiya, you had the distinct feeling, it would be wise to not trust him completely. Not yet at least.

Nanami groaned as she stomped her foot, “Why are you always like this Y/n! Can't you just let me do what I want? I am an adult now.”

Yes that’s right, she was an ‘adult’ now, making very adult decisions. Sighing you rubbed your forehead, deciding to just give up for now, “Yeah you are, clearly. Do whatever you want.” You didn’t have the energy after tonight to try and do this right now. And maybe Chishiya would leave on his own, he seemed pretty intended on that before you had brought up your search. 

Puffing a breath you watched as Nanami stomped away as she crossed her arms and headed back for the camp. You couldn’t believe her right now…! Out of all the guys she had to choose she wanted to choose the most lifeless guy possible…?

You knew why she was doing this, well you couldn’t know for sure but you had the sneaking suspicion it was because when you both were younger it was because guys always tended to linger around because of you. Perhaps that’s where that sense of insecurity came from…? 

Truthfully you never wanted a rivalry between you and your sister, in some ways you considered yourself her caretaker, when no one else was there for her you made sure you were. Every, single, time. You wished she’d just be a little more transparent when it came to things like this and you could work things out without so much emotional stress. Especially now that your life hangs in the balance between life and death constantly. 

Wrapping your jacket around yourself you let out a soft sigh shaking your head before turning to face the car parking building, it spiraled upwards and suddenly an idea struck you. Rather than going back to the camp you entered it, pushing into the small room of staircases where you walked up. 

Your legs ached by the time you pushed the door open to the top floor that overlooked the night sky. A smile slowly crept on your face as you inhaled the cool night air, you used to love doing this back when you were still in school. Climbing up here all by yourself to listen to some music and overlook the city lights. 

Grabbing onto the ledge that overlooked the city you frowned again looking over the wash of black, all the venues must’ve been finished tonight, where some had a game clear or game over would never be known to you. But still, just the notion made you feel nauseous, who could ever do something like this? You tried tracing your memory back but you drew a blank.

Hoping up you sat down on the ledge letting your legs swing out over the blank unknown, looking down you came to the conclusion that if you leaned just a little too far, you’d probably die from falling. Who would’ve thought that would be a kind death compared to other people here. 

Hearing a loud blast you jumped as you looked up at the sky only in horror to watch red lasers shoot from the sky all in synchronicity. Your stomach churned once more at the sight that was straight out of a horror film and within a brief second, suddenly it was gone. 

“It happened last night too.” 

You jolted once more at the cool toned voice as you grabbed your chest, “Jesus do you want me to just slip to my death!?” You chastised as you turned to Chishiya, when did he even get here? Heaving a breath you grabbed back onto the ledge as you leaned back on your hands, “...I guess we know what happens to those who don’t participate in games…” 

How horrid, really...how could this even be reality at all? Was this really some kind of simulation or...experiment? A cruel one? Your mind drifted to the Beach again where Ryu must’ve hoped you’d go with them...His girlfriend though...you weren’t sure you trusted her either to be honest. 

“...Where do you think we’ll find the Beach?” You turned to Chishiya, his hoodie covering his head as he leaned onto the railing overlooking the city that was engulfed in darkness, his eyes however cast out to the sky where those constellations from before only became more vivid. 

He snorted, “Over a body of water, clearly as the name suggests. An actual beach would be too literal otherwise a full name would’ve accompanied it. Perhaps a ship or a hotel? I’ll need a map tomorrow and we can narrow it from there.” 

Tucking your tongue into your cheek you heaved a breath, “I’ve known you less than a day but...I get the feeling I’d hate to be your rival.” It was the truth, Chishiya if anything, was not someone who was considered all bark and no bite. Something about those eyes looked so cold and ruthless. As if he genuinely held no concern or resolve for anyone but himself. You frowned as you watched him carefully, what a sad life to live if that was the case. 

You watched something akin to a smirk twist on his lips, as if he was proud to hear those words despite it insinuating some amount of fear in you. Which you’d say was partially true, not that you truly feared him but...If he was an enemy? You were simply glad he wasn’t. Especially if he was as ruthless as he appeared.

“So you don’t want me to talk to your sister?” 

Your eyes immediately shot open from their lazed state as you twisted to face where Chishiya leaned on the railing, something so annoying about those smug eyes of his as if he was just talking about the weather. Tucking your tongue into your cheek an annoyed smile appeared on your lips, “Oh, so that’s why you’re here? What did she tell you.” 

Chishiya didn’t say anything only looking at you with that cocky smirk and dark eyes as slowly your expression faded as you realized she didn’t tell him anything he just took a guess as to what happened between you both and you just confirmed, “You are very annoying you know that?” Your voice lowered a little as you leaned a little closer to him, your expression dry at the realization you fell right into his trap. 

He shrugged, but you could tell in his demeanor even when you weren’t meaning too you were still feeding that massive ego of his, “Now that you confirmed it, what’s the problem?” You weren’t scared of him in terms of confrontation. Even if you felt the internal voice in the back of your head tell you that you should be. 

“It’s nothing personal against you,” You shrugged, deciding that regardless, it would be best if you were careful with your interactions with him, “Nanami is just…” You pressed your lips together, looking out over the night sky as you spoke, “This world doesn’t deserve someone like her, and someone like you?” A lopsided smile twisted on your lips as you laughed a little, “Be honest with yourself, I shouldn’t have to even explain that.” 

“Someone like me?” Chishiya challenged much to your surprise as you looked at him, it was your turn to be amused as he waited for an answer that you didn’t want to give. Why would you? And personally, it was as you said, it was nothing against him. 

You had no problems with him, “What about someone like you?” His expression turned smug and cold as he spoke, “I get the feeling you just infantilize your sister to the point she feels suffocated, if she chooses to do something stupid it’s only to get away from you. So what does someone like me have to do with this?” His expression became all the more sinister at your face darkening, “It shouldn’t be me you should be worrying about.” He shrugged, that calico smug smile of his on his lips as he shrugged, “So by all means, explain your wording, I’d love to hear you blame shift to ignore your own problems.” 

You glared down at your shoes, infantilized? You didn’t…! Anger simmered in your veins as you took a shaky breath to calm yourself as you let out a short laugh, suddenly looking up with a strained expression as you spoke, “Alright, I was going to be nice, but since you have no social ethic I’ll tell you why. I took one look at you when we first met and all I see is someone who’s completely hollow on the inside. Someone like you?” 

You spat out as your brows furrowed, “Has no remorse or care for others and after trying to figure out why I realized it’s not out of a bad life or mistreatment of any kind. You're just that kind of person that really doesn’t care. You’re the worst kind of person Chishiya, you don’t have any reason for the way you are, and I think you know that more than anyone else. This isn’t me trying to blame shift, I’m very well aware of my own problems, this has to do with someone like you manipulating and taking advantage of anyone, in your own words, stupid enough to fall for it.” 

You shrugged, your expression dim as you had hoped maybe Chishiya would’ve intervened to counter you and dispel your argument, but the more you spoke, the more you watched his expression become more cold and the more your own words were confirmed to you, “And you know what I think?” 

You frowned a little now, somehow saddened by the fact that there was obviously some truth in your words, “I think deep down, you're envious of people like us who can at least outwardly muster the attempt to be kind to people. Where as you?” You laughed a little, “You're so empty, you can’t even fake that. Every time I look at you, I see nothing. No concern, no care, not even anger. Just, nothing.”

The silence between you both, for the first time, felt very loud. Tapping your lip you hummed, deciding to shove even more salt into the wound, a bitter aftertaste about his words previously making you speak, “You know…” You turned around as you hopped off the ledge, now looking up at Chishiya’s figure that was still outlooking the city, “I’d diagnose you as a sociopath, but well...typically they’re charismatic. So I really don’t know what you are. Other than an incredibly sad existence.” 

Walking down the steps by yourself you felt the silence loud as your footsteps echoed. A part of yourself was licking your own wounds at his words, infantilizing…! You didn’t...you paused at the bottom of the steps, your expression wavering as you rubbed your neck...did you really do that to your sister…?

Looking back up at the steps you suddenly felt the urge to go back up and apologize to him, you were incredibly honest in your assessment, but...he did ask for it. Even after you tried to be polite about it. And if you could get anything from that, it was the assumption that he just genuinely thought you couldn’t read him or anyone else that well. 

You shook your head as you went back to the camp, whatever...It’s not like you’d be in contact with this guy for long. Once you all figured out what this Beach was, you’d simply part ways afterwards and you would no longer have to deal with him. Laying down on the taller grass wasn’t a great bed as you looked up at the sky. 

Still...it seemed like you were fire and ice together. You starkly remembered the look on his face, similar to now but something was different when you had both heard the words Game Cleared...you groaned as you rolled onto your side. 

Men were so frustrating.

“Are you sure this is it?” You felt a little reluctant at the sight ahead, there were certainly a lot of people but...it was as if they were far, far away from the reality of the Borderlands. And then it became apparent. Escapism, at it’s pure finest, if you had seen anything like it before. 

Chishiya’s eyes scanned over the map as he nodded, “If it’s anywhere, it’s here.” He confirmed as you all looked ahead as you curved a brow before shrugging as you sighed, it was better than nothing and you could use some answers. 

Strangely, it was as if last night's conversation didn’t exist between you both. You had woken up this morning and continued on as you had before, it was...very strange. You had anticipated he’d either leave or he’d alienate you. Maybe both? But then it occurred to you, he probably just didn’t care what you thought. 

You thought back on his expression which lead you to assume that no...It wasn’t that he didn’t care, granted he definitely didn’t care what you thought, that was a give but it wasn’t that he didn’t care in another way...That expression, it was dark and cold, not angry but...something bitter...How strange. You couldn’t pinpoint it. You were just glad you could, at the very least, co exist for the short while you’d be together.

“Well! Let’s go say hi then! I’m sure they’ll take us right to the leader or something...right?” Nanami leaned over to you in confirmation as you gave a weak smile before shrugging. You didn’t see any weapons and everyone was too busy playing around in the pool for you to assume otherwise. 

“Well shit let’s go! That looks like a lot of fun!” Akari was the first to bolt and Nanami was quickly after her as you and Chishiya walked behind them both and upon someone seeing you they had called out, “New comers!” 

And it was as if the whole party stopped. You wrapped your arms around yourself as you rubbed your neck, “Talk about party crashing...” You mumbled, immediately feeling unwelcome. 

“Hey…! You guys made it!” Ryu had pulled himself out of the pool in excitement as he ran up to you all, a boyish grin on his face in awe, “You found us surprisingly fast! It usually takes most people a week at most.” Well most people didn’t have a brainiac in their group...You briefly glimpsed at Chishiya who stayed just as stoic as always. Had it not been for him it probably would’ve taken two weeks to find this place. 

“Well if you’re here to join us I’ll take you to number 1!” Ryu nodded as he gestured to you all to follow him as you carefully looked around as you frowned, this place almost felt too good to be true...What even was it? 

Opening the doors to the upper level where all the higher ranked...members? Stayed you weren’t sure what you were expecting, “Welcome to Utopia! The Beach!” The man held up a bottle and his frizzy blonde hair swished around with his eccentric waving hands. It was the wall behind him that first you noticed. 

Playing cards had been drawn and only a little more than fifteen were X’d off? Was this supposed to be a whole playing deck? “Number 1! This was the group I told you about last night…!” Ryu waved a hand to you all in excitement, “I think they’d be a great addition to the Beach and it’s search for the cards!” 

“Cards?” Akari echoed out as she crossed her arms, flicking her hat up a bit to see better as you looked between both men.

The man let out a hardy laugh that made you wince a little...why did it feel like he was more than just...eccentric…? “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves Ryu.” The man slammed him on the back a little to hard making him jump as he rubbed his neck sheepishly, “Allow me to introduce myself! I’m Danma Takeru formly, most know me as the Hatter. Here in this paradise we foster hope for all! Drink as much as you’d like, eat to your heart's content do whatever pleases your soul!” 

This was way too good to be true. It had to be...

Something about Hatter seemed absent but you couldn’t figure out what only for it to immediately strike you, it wasn’t that he was eccentric, no...He was definitely neurotic, you weren’t sure how or in what way, but your professor had made your class do a project based on the signs and symptoms of neuroticism based in serial killers that could be attributed to the lead up in their crimes. Not that you assumed this was the potential for Hatter but...well it was the Borderlands and surely it had taken a toll on everyone to a degree...some more then others...

“There’s only three rules to allow you to stay here! The first being when on Beach property, swimwear is required!” He pointed a finger before lifting a second, “The second can be considered quite important.” Hatter turned around as he waved at the large wall, “It’s quite simplistic and I can’t leak my source. There’s only one escape from this hell, and that’s by collecting all the playing cards!” 

All potential problems aside your chest fluttered a little at his words, escape…! So this really was real, and you all were experiencing it and the only way out was through collecting a whole deck? Hatter madly grinned as he spoke, “A team of players is created each night as a group of three or four with balanced strengths in their respective game type where the chances of death are lowered significantly! The way this works is simple, rule two is to give up all your cards.” 

Really? That's all it took, this was…! This had to be full proof, a part of you still felt this was too good to be true, and you were sure part of it had to due with Hatter, despite his obvious signs of some sort of mental illness, he was quite the charming and upbeat person, it would be hard for anyone to not want to match his energy, “That’s right!” Hatter crossed his arms triphumantly, “Once we collect a whole deck a single person will be chosen to leave!” 

What…

Just…Just one person! “But…wait- how does that work? I don’t understand.” You immediately spoke up, pushing forward a little bit as Hatter’s gaze turned onto you, that wild grin of his showing as he chuckled. 

“We have a whole ranked system here! The more cards you collect the more your rank moves and the value of each card contributes to your rank. Creating one full deck is impossible for one person but the impossible becomes possible when you band a whole crew together, we have a lot of repeating cards so once the first person leaves more will soon follow after. That’s the goal of our utopia The Beach!” 

“I can’t believe we’re actually a part of something so…! Hopeful!” Nanami squealed from behind the barrier, she had finished changing faster than you but she was too excited, a brief smile tugged on your face as you glanced at the barrier before back to your dilemma, “I’m gonna go lay out at the pool! Catch up later?” 

“Yeah! Don’t wait up for me I’m...probably gonna be awhile…” You sighed as you rubbed your neck, you never really liked swimsuits all that much…

Nanami hurried out of the room as you sighed, picking up the bikini top in dismay...did they really expect you to wear beach attire the full time? Grabbing the halter top you hummed...beach attire! Okay you could make this work.

It had taken a little longer than you expected to find something that didn’t make you feel so exposed but in the end it worked out. Pulling up the high waisted shorts you ignored how far up your ass it pulled. You’d make it work! Pulling up the sheer beach cover you nodded in affirmation. Still somewhere in your mind lingered an important question, was this really worth it? 

Much to your surprise after Akari had agreed straight away Chishiya was the one after to agree, he didn’t seem thrilled...hardly excited either. It made you briefly wonder if he was only staying because this place had electricity which Ryu explained on the way to the dressing room that was fueled by a mass of propane tanks.

Regardless you wouldn’t be picky...It didn’t seem too terrible here. Just cards for free stay to food and a warm bed? It’s not like you’d get a full deck on your own, much like Hatter said you’d prefer to just live out your days at least in functional condition. And hey maybe if you gathered enough cards you’d move to a higher rank. You still wanted to chat with Ryu but just how the Borderlands worked. 

Closing the door the room you decided you’d search for him immediately.

The hotel was massive and not even all the floors were in use, looking down at your bracelet that was slated with 52, there was only currently what…? Forty members? Maybe a little more? Stepping out onto the terris your eyes scanned the large crowd that was all laid out, some in the pool and you could spot your sister surrounded by three guys, clacking your tongue you shook your head as you watched her giggle. It was hard to believe she had a complex some days but men not liking her...Honestly. 

Close to the middle of the pool you spotted Ryu and Hiroko, who for once had a smile on her face as she splashed him with a giggle. You felt brief hesitation, not wanting to interrupt but...you did want to hear a more detailed explanation about...well everything and Ryu seemed the most approachable…

Shifting a little as you looked down at your attire as you sighed in exasperation, finding a pool chair before shimmying your pants off and kicking off your flip flops before sitting at the edge of the pool dipping your feet in, “Hey Ryu!” You waved over, “Hiroko! Can I have a minute?” Hiroko frowned immediately upon sight of you but with a few whispered words from Ryu she adhered. 

“Hey…! I never did get your name. I really am glad you made it! Hatter has been asking us to go out and find people to bring it to help keep growing the Beach.” 

You offered a small smile as you kicked your feet in the water, it was the heat of july after all and the water was perfect for swimming, “Y/n, and that's my sister Nanami over there.” You nodded towards Nanami who was giggling over two highscool boys who kept shoving each other in hopes of getting her attention, “Thanks by the way, for last night. Honestly if it wasn’t for Chishiya it probably would’ve taken us weeks to find this place. It’s nice here.” 

“You mean the sour blonde?” Hiroko snorted as she glanced over near the pavilion they had set up, turning to follow her gaze you had spotted where Chishiya now was, sporting a pair of white swim trunks and his jacket still zipped up only with his headphones in and on his phone. 

“Is there even a wifi signal here?” You frowned as you tilted your head in wonder, he did look pretty sour sitting there, “Ah- anyways, yeah! That’s him, unfortunately he does live up to expectation.” You rolled your eyes a little as you returned your gaze back to the both of them before offering a weak smile, “What I wanted to ask was...God where do I even start, what are the playing cards, and what do they represent? Given we’re supposed to collect them I’m sure they have some significance, that’s a given.” 

“Playing cards are awarded for each game you play, the numerical value determines how long you’re allowed to stay at the borderlands on your visa, so if you were to complete a game at a value of five, you’d be allowed five days of stay” Ryu explained carefully, “Much like in a regular deck there’s four suits. What we played last night was a Clubs game, it stands for team building, meaning the game is usually associated with needing to work as a team to clear the game. Spades are related to physical activity- ah...not really my strong suit…” He rubbed the back of his neck feeling a bit sheepish. 

“He’s great at them!” Hiroko boasted, obviously proud of her boyfriend as she wrapped an arm around his waist, “He’s just modest- Diamonds stands for intellect and wit, typically anything that has to do with puzzle solving or use of logic and reason. Hearts though….” She winced a little as her nose wrinkled making you tilt your head in confusion, “I’m not sure to be honest, many say it’s a game of psychology, playing with the players minds to make simple game clears a lot harder. I’ve never experienced a heart game though. We’re still missing a lot on the board.” 

You tapped your lip as you hummed, “That doesn’t sound too terrible, I did notice they only have the 2 of hearts and the Ace up on the board...The most they’ve collected is spades and clubs?” 

“They’re the most common from what I’ve seen.” Ryu shrugged, “I’ve also never had a heart game, I had two diamond though and a lot of clubs and a few spades.”

You thought about it for a moment before nodding, alright this made sense, “And I’m guessing numerical value is the rating of difficulty?” 

Ryu brightly smiled as he nodded, “Yeah! We haven’t gotten anything past a seven though! And only one person experienced it and that was a Clubs too…” He rubbed the back of his head in thought, “Well things here only took off a few weeks ago to be fair…” 

“Just a few weeks ago?” Your mouth dropped in surprise before looking around in awe, “I never would've guessed! I thought it would take longer to build up such a crowd honestly…” 

“Not a few weeks-” Hiroko smacked Ryu on the back of the head as he whined a little, rubbing the sore spot as she spoke matter of factly, “It’s been a few weeks that we’ve been here...I think it’s been going for about a month altogether though...Things have been a little...tense…” She looked reluctant as she glanced away, a shadow cast over her face as you frowned, turning your head a little. 

Ryu and Hiroko exchanged looks as she nodded a little, “Well…” Ryu rubbed his shoulder as he lowered his voice, “Hiroko is in the top ten right now because of how much she participates in games, so one day she was with Kuzuryuu, Mihiru and An number 3, 4 and 5 right?” You nodded as you brows scrunched a little, wondering why Ryu seemed a little flighty as his eyes darted around as he lowered his voice once more, “Keep this between us alright? But when they opened the door with Agni- number 2 to a room full of slaughtered people. Apparently Hatter killed them all because they were hiding cards from him.” 

...Oh...so you were right? In assuming Hatter was definitely neurotic. Your professor would probably be proud but somehow you had a hard time taking pride in your assessment.

Hiroko winced a little at the memory as she looked away reluctantly, “...Hatter hasn’t really been the same, he only just created rule number three last week…” Right, rule number three. 

Death to all traitors. You had definitely suspected something was up with Hatter when he had explained that one but...you always tried your best to give the benefit of the doubt to everyone until you could no longer defend their actions by logic.

That one had admittedly caught your attention when Hatter explained that anyone with holding cards would be killed or if they tried to desert the Beach, a little scary but...again it wasn’t like it was possible for you to create a deck by yourself...But know knowing the story behind why that rule was put in place did make you feel a bit...Uneasy.

“That just happened?” Your face twisted a little as you wrapped your arms around yourself, both Ryu and Hiroko nodded. 

“Mhm, just last week. Things are slowly getting back to normal, there've been a few people resistant but I try not to think about it, word of advice? Just stay away from the militant sect, follow the rules and you’ll be fine.” Hiroko, for the first time offered a weak smile, despite her cool disposition she wasn’t too terrible. 

“Coming through y’all!” All three of you turned to watch Akari running full speed at the pool before jumping in making you jump as you covered the droplets of water that sprinkled you, “Whatcha talkin’ about over here? Secrets?” Akari swam up, floating on top of the water with a dorky smile, “I love secrets!” 

You couldn’t help but giggle as you splashed Akari with your foot as she yelped, flailing to stand up right, “Nothing that concerns you, did you abandon Nanami by herself.” 

“No offense but I think she’s doing pretty fine by herself.” Akari snorted as she nodded to Nanami, still yet again surrounded by boys but now had at least three drinks untouched sitting on the glass table next to her. Puffing a breath you rolled your eyes with a smile, typical. 

“They’re back!” Someone screamed before you heard more cheers making you straighten up as Hiroko puffed a breath, laying her arms on the edge of the pool as she rolled her eyes, “They went out to gather supplies because that snake tongue freak kept joking about using Ryu as target practice. I told Agni we were low on dry foods and alcohol so it worked out.” 

“W-well he wanted to set stuff on top of my head to um…” Ryu coughed a little as he looked away bashfully, twisting around you frowned as you watched several men walk in making your expression further contort. They all had guns. Like all of them. How has there not been a mass shootout? 

“We got all the liquor you could need! Get it fresh in the back everyone!” Your nose wrinkled at the sight of several piercings and you immediately knew who Hiroko was previously referencing to. 

“That’s Samura he just joined a few days ago,” Ryu spoke up as he nodded towards the guy with a fucking katanna on his back and tattoos all over his face, “People uh, just call him Last Boss though, he kinda looks like the end boss of a game that takes ages to beat. I think it suits him to be honest, a bit weird though…He immediately joined the militant sect as soon as he joined.” 

Hiroko rolled her eyes as she spoke, “Yeah Niragi apparently took a liking to him or something- I try not to keep up with them, they give me a headache. Plus that guy looks like a total shut in before he got dropped into the Borderlands, he has zero social skills.” You weakly smiled as you rubbed the back of your neck, that was a bit harsh...although you would say Last Boss did seem...there was something so focused yet...absent about his eyes. 

He in a strange way almost reminded you of a toddler that was still working on coordination between completing an action with someone's speech. 

The sun was suddenly blocked and a shadow casted over you as a raspy voice shouted out, “Well what do we have here? Fresh meat.” You glanced up to the tall dark haired figure, oh it was...snake tongue freak? As Hiroko had previously said, you would’ve in any other situation snapped something but this guy was carrying a sniper rifle like it was a loaf of bread. 

You wrapped your arms around yourself as you looked a little away, unsure of what to say as Hiroko suddenly stood all the way up, pushing herself out of the pool to stand up fully as she gave him a sneering glare, “Niragi go fuck with someone else.” 

The man- Niragi leaned back a little as he took a few steps back, cackling as he held up his hands, his tongue sticking out showing off the piercing briefly before he spoke, “Well excuse me miss bitch, I wasn’t talking to you.” A twisted smile appeared on his lips like it was some sort of sick amusement at Hiroko’s darkening glare, “Lemme see you kitty.” 

You made a noise similar to a yelp as you were suddenly dragged up to your feet and way too close to guy for comfort, his tongue sticking out and you were for a half a second wondering if he intended on licking you, “What a nice little body here, and such a pretty face too.” He cooed out sickeningly as he squeezed your face harshly, as you looked away from him, “I bet you and me would have a great time wouldn’t we.” 

You had dealt with a lot worse truthfully, and somewhere deep inside you were grateful you had otherwise you’d probably be in tears at how terrifying and semi psychotic this man was, “Sorry…” You winced looking up at him with an unappreciative look, “I only fuck people like you when they have a good paycheck.” 

Niragi howled out laugh making you briefly relax for a moment, offering a weak smile, at least he had a sense of- “Hey!” You screeched, suddenly being hauled against him as you squirmed to push away from him as you felt his hot wet tongue on your neck, “Let go!” 

His hands crawled their way up your waist as you squirmed, his tongue dragging up the lobe of your ear as he growled a whisper, “Why deny a good time huh? It’s okay, they’re always more fun when they resist.” He couldn’t get further when you jammed your knee between his legs taking the brief moment of his pain before harshly shoving him into the pool where a loud splash covered everyone who didn’t even pay any mind to the scene which obviously happened often much to your disappointment. 

Hiroko was immediately at your side, something motherish about the way she held you close as you watched Niragi flailed before getting his footing in the pool as he snarled, “You bitch!” Hiroko immediately brought you both back, her chest puffed as she glared him down as he crawled out of the pool, now towering over you both. 

What happened next baffled the both of you, something- No...a rock? It smacked straight across his head, not enough to cause any damage but enough to gain his attention, “These are quite useful for short range,” 

You whipped around in shock at the familiar voice, Chishiya had thrown a rock up before catching it as he glanced at the small thing, holding it up in examination, “Throw it hard enough and it could probably take out an eye,” He looked up at Niragi with perhaps the most frightening smile you had ever seen, his eyes in that classic cold sneer as he spoke, “Looks like you could use it given how blind you are.” 

You stepped away a little uneasy at the tension in the air that suddenly spiked as Niragi glared him down, Chishiya’s lips quirked into a smirk as he shoved his hands back into his pockets, not looking the least bit concerned. 

Wasn’t this just perfect? 

Note: I am by no means a Niragi simp but like,,,he lowkey kinda fun to write when Chishiya is constantly baiting this man into violence. Next chapter is v fun!! lemme know what you guys think so far! :)

[novelconcepts]

Not sure if it’s Drabble worthy. What if Peter and Rebecca don’t die and therefore Bly doesn’t need a new Au Pair. Do Jamie and Dani still meet somehow?

There is a woman in the pub. Not, strictly speaking, an oddity--there are people here every night upon Jamie’s return from the manor. People with drinks and conversation, taking up space she doesn’t have the energy to deal with. 

This woman, though. This woman is strange simply because she isn’t. Because there is a look about her, too normal, too put-together. Because her eyes are too bright, and her hair too shiny, and she is--most important of all--not of Bly.

Not Jamie’s problem, either, she thinks, pushing past the woman’s table with little more than a glance.

Blue eyes, she registers. Blue eyes, catching hers for a bare moment. 

Jamie keeps walking.

***

The woman is back again. Still looking a bit too clean, a bit too bright to be allowed in a smudgy place like this. She’s seated at that same table, nursing a drink with her eyes on a book, and she is...

Just a woman, thinks Jamie, whose day has been marked by Miles’ attitude and Flora’s perfectly splendid’s, and whose head is in all honesty ringing just a bit more than she can stand. 

She could use a drink tonight. Could use a bit more than a drink, really--could use a long rest, a long break from memories of Peter fucking Quint moving about the house like he owns the place. Tonight, she’ll settle for the drink. It’s cheaper than therapy, easier than talking to Hannah or Owen about the whole business. Certainly easier than cornering Rebecca, pressing her toward sense.

Problem is, there is a woman in the pub. 

At her table.

She drinks at the bar instead and finds her eyes searching out that woman’s face in the mirror. Finds herself coming back time and time again to the curve of the woman’s cheek, the angle of her nose, the way she bites the edge of her thumbnail as she turns the page. 

Her eyes never raise, never seek Jamie’s in return, though Jamie is certain--judging by the insistent tap of one boot under the table, the fidgety quality of her fingers around her glass--she knows she is being watched. 

***

The woman, she supposes, has nowhere else to be. What must that be like? What cart must have overturned, tipping her onto the pavement of Bly, to this pub, to this dark corner of the world? 

Jamie can remember all too well what it feels like to have nowhere to be. To just stumble into whatever place will hold a person up. This woman, with her tailored blouse and her hoop earrings, doesn’t much look like Jamie had, living that sort of life. But what does Jamie know?

Blue eyes. Shiny hair. Very little else.

Jamie has taken in a drink every night this week, less for the value of the alcohol, more out of curiosity. Could the woman really be here each time she walks through the door? Could this same woman always set up shop at her table, alone, peaceably making her way through a battered paperback?

So far, survey says yes. 

And the week has been long, it’s true: Rebecca, growing agitated as tensions between Peter and the rest of them wind ever-higher. Last night, Hannah had gripped her steak knife as though considering plunging it into Peter’s thigh. Tonight, it had taken every ounce of Jamie not to take a swing with the expensive wine bottle he had produced from thin air. 

Deserve better, chick, she’d thought as Rebecca had soothed Peter’s glower with a kiss. You have to see that. 

Rebecca, predictably, does not. 

Jamie, sitting here with yet another drink, watching the strange woman at her table in the mirror, isn’t sure who she is to talk. 

***

Someone is trying to talk to the woman tonight. Someone--a bulky man in his mid-thirties who Jamie has already marked as endless trouble--is trying to take a seat at the woman’s table.

Jamie watches with hackles raised, glass poised at her lips, waiting. The woman looks like the sort to make polite conversation, to smile warmly, to find herself in a bad situation before she realizes. Not that it’s any of Jamie’s concern. Not that Jamie ought to be making noise in the pub above which she sleeps. 

The man is leaning across the table, his huge hand reaching for the woman’s book. His grin is sloppy, his eyes ale-muddled, and when he moves toward the woman’s hand, she recoils. Glances toward the bar. 

Glances directly at Jamie. 

Hell, thinks Jamie tiredly, because this isn’t the way. This is never effective, never wise. Keep to yourself, keep your bloody head to your own bloody business, that’s the trick. 

The woman’s eyes are so goddamned blue. 

“Saved me a seat, I see,” Jamie hears herself say, cocking her hip against the man’s chair with a fuck out of it smile. He squints up at her, clearly trying to piece together some bleary vestige of memory. 

“You’re,” he slurs, “upstairs.”

“Seem to be down among the locals tonight,” Jamie says cheerfully, and gives him a single jerk of the head in warning. He frowns, pushing himself clumsily to his feet. 

“Borin’ conversation anyway.”

Jamie watches him go, raises her glass to her lips, smiles when he shoots a dark look over his shoulder. She does not look at the woman, not until she hears a soft voice say, “Thank you.”

American, realizes Jamie. 

Mistake, realizes Jamie.

“Hang a jacket over the seat next time,” she suggests on her way back to the bar. “Dissuades the stupider ones.”

***

The woman buys her a drink. 

She seems, Jamie notes with some alarm, to have registered Jamie’s schedule. How Jamie seems to walk in around eight every evening, her shoulders tense with a day’s battles still hanging tight. How Jamie has long given up trying for her usual table, sacrificing it in the name of pretty blonde Americans. 

There is a drink waiting for her--her usual, though in a place like this, it isn’t hard to guess. 

“That one,” the bartender--tonight, a fiftyish woman with a smirk--says, and points exactly where Jamie expects. She glances over, finds the American with her own glass raised. Eyebrows arched. Head gesturing for Jamie to come on over.

Mistake, she thinks again, even as she’s obeying.

“Wanted to thank you again,” the woman says, as Jamie hovers beside the second chair. There is, she notes, a denim jacket tossed over its back.

“Not a problem.”

“Sit?” the woman suggests, and Jamie finds she can’t locate a reason not to. She settles awkwardly, trying not to dislodge the jacket, all-too aware of the filthy floor beneath her boots. 

“Really don’t think,” she begins, but the woman is saying something. She blinks. “Sorry?”

“Dani,” the woman says again, touching a hand to her chest. “Dani Clayton.”

It’s a bad idea, Jamie thinks distantly, because the woman is so goddamned pretty, it hurts. She’s pretty, and she’s smiling, and there’s something about her eyes that makes Jamie’s pulse do tricks she hasn’t entertained in years. 

“Jamie,” she replies, and allows the woman to clink a half-finished glass against her own. 

***

Dani, as it turns out, actually works here. 

“Just started,” she says, almost sheepishly, when Jamie makes blustery noises of surprise. “On the early shift. Just to have something to keep me busy, until I figure something else out.”

She’s in England, she says, on a sort of personal retreat. A finding myself sort of adventure, she adds with a laugh that rings in Jamie’s ears like the best kind of music. 

“Better places to do it in,” Jamie points out, “than a hole in Bly.”

Dani shrugs. “I like it. The people are nice, mostly. And it’s quiet.”

“Home wasn’t quiet?”

Dani doesn’t answer. Dani doesn’t seem to like to talk about herself all that much, Jamie is noticing. She likes, instead, to talk about the town--the strangers, the clients, the newness of it all. She’ll talk about the beer, about the book resting at her elbow, about the weather. Most of all, she asks after Jamie.

“Not much to tell,” Jamie says--a lie, if you go back far enough, but honest enough for now. “Groundskeeper, over at the big house down the way.”

“What does that entail?” Dani, unlike most, actually sounds interested. She is the oddest bird, Jamie thinks, and is startled to find a sense of light affection behind the notion. 

“Gardening, mostly. Keep up the grounds, like I said--minor repairs about the house, too. Make sure everything keeps moving.”

“You like it?”

“Love it,” Jamie says honestly. Dani smiles. 

“That’s what I want. Something I really love. Thought for a while it would be teaching, but...”

“Kids,” Jamie says. “Take a lot out of a person. That why you’re here?”

Dani thinks on it, seems to step right up to the edge of a reply before changing her mind. “Couldn’t be at home anymore,” she says instead. It’s a non-answer, Jamie recognizes. A too much truth answer. 

“Fair enough,” Jamie tells her, and doesn’t push.

***

“So--he lives there?” Dani is three drinks in to Jamie’s two, her hair falling across her forehead as she tries to piece it all together. Jamie shakes her head. 

“Nah, not most days. Hannah, she lives there--full-time, I mean. And Rebecca, she moved in couple of months back. Kids love her. Quint, though, he’s...” She can’t find a nice way to put it. Isn’t sure why she’s even bothering. “A cockroach. Hard to kill, harder yet to wish away.”

“Sound like you’ve tried,” Dani says with a faint smile. Jamie shrugs.

“Waste of everyone’s time. He’s Henry’s fuckin’ lapdog. Long as he’s pulling at the leash, we all just need to make do.”

Dani mulls this over with the interest of someone who has not a single face to put with any of these names. “Rebecca really likes him, huh?”

“Likes him. Stuck into him. Not much of a difference.” Jamie leans back, pouring the remainder of her drink into a single swallow. The idea of it, of Peter’s hands on Rebecca’s waist at dinner, still makes her stomach sour. “You ever just--you ever meet someone who is like a human pair of handcuffs?”

Something flickers in Dani’s eyes. She nods once. Jamie sighs.

“That’s Quint. Fucker never met a woman he didn’t try to win--and I do mean win. Like a prize. Like women are little more than trophies to be locked behind glass.”

She watches Dani rub absently against her lips with the back of one hand, unable to tear her eyes away until Dani says, “I don’t understand.”

“It’s like,” Jamie begins, trying to find the best way to explain, “like he thinks she’s property, right? Like he thinks any choice she makes without his say-so is a fucking--”

“Not that,” Dani says quietly. “I mean I don’t understand how people can do that. To each other. When they say they love--I mean. It’s the wrong way around, isn’t it? Trying to own someone out of love? You can’t do it. That’s...they’re not...”

“They’re opposites,” Jamie finishes. Blue eyes skip up, hold hers, don’t so much as waver. Dani’s lips turn up at the corners, her head giving a single nod. 

“Yeah. Exactly. How do people mix that up?”

“No idea,” Jamie says, and swallows against the clamor of her own heart.

***

Peter tried to pick a fight this afternoon, out among the roses. Would have succeeded, Jamie thinks with no small amount of shame, had Miles not been lurking just behind him, watching everything.

She is vibrating when she reaches the pub, every motion just a little more exaggerated than she likes. She slams down into her usual seat, hands clenched into fists against the table. 

“Bad day?” Dani asks, sliding a plate toward her. Half a sandwich, carefully set aside as if for Jamie all along. 

“Not great,” Jamie agrees. She softens, looking Dani over, reading the tension behind her smile. “Look like you can say the same.”

Dani glances over her shoulder, eyes finding the mirror behind the bar and darting jerkily away again. “Hard to explain,” she says. 

“Do you want to?” Jamie asks. Dani’s eyes land on her with all the abrasive surprise of an explosion. Jamie taps light knuckles against the tabletop. “Just sayin’. If you want to get it off your chest--”

Dani shakes her head. “It’s...really hard to explain,” she says, almost apologetic. “It--it makes me sound...kinda crazy.”

Jamie has never met someone who looks less crazy. Someone who holds herself with such steadiness, though her hands are twitchy and her smile doesn’t always reach her eyes. 

“If you want,” she says, knowing she will, in a moment, let the moment slide. “I don’t mind.”

There’s silence between them, a great comfortable swell of it that shouldn’t exist in a small pub, on a night like this, between two women who barely know one another. Jamie lets it ride, taking a bite of sandwich, watching Dani read her expression with tentative interest.

“I had a fiancé,” Dani says at last, and Jamie feels something in her stomach turn over. And then a second time, when Dani adds, “He died.”

“Dani. I’m so--”

“He died,” Dani says, staring grimly ahead as though trying with everything in her power not to glance toward the mirror again, “and I had just--I had just told him I couldn’t--”

She hesitates, pressing her face into her palms. When she lifts her head, her eyes are blazing. 

“I’d just broken--up with him. Broken the engagement, broken the whole--because he wasn’t what I--and then he died. And sometimes, I...I...”

Jamie waits. Dani sucks in a ragged breath.

“I see him. Sometimes. In mirrors, mostly. In--and it’s insane, I know, but I can’t stop.”

“S’why you came here?” Jamie guesses. Dani nods. 

“Crazy, right?”

Jamie shakes her head slowly. She’s not much for ghost stories, for fairytales, for dreams made flesh. Loss, though? Grief? Missing who a person was, who they could be? Those aren’t the marks of a crazy person. Those are just...

“Sounds like a rough time,” she says, and lets herself reach across the table. Dani’s hand is soft beneath her own, and she is suddenly too aware of her own callouses, of the skid against Dani’s skin when she turns her hand over and squeezes Jamie’s fingers in return. 

“Thank you,” she says softly, and looks once more toward the mirror. Jamie watches her: the tension in her brow, the way her eyes seem to narrow. “I think I...needed to tell someone. Finally.”

She’s still holding Jamie’s hand, even as she turns the subject to the day’s customers, to Jamie’s plans for tomorrow. She’s still holding Jamie’s hand, and doesn’t even seem to notice.

***

There is a fight, but it isn’t Jamie who starts it. Isn’t Jamie who finishes it, even. 

Jamie is only stupid enough to step in the middle. 

“Your eye,” Dani says in greeting, standing briskly up from the table. Jamie, who is aware she is no longer bleeding, aware that the glass thrown could have done significantly more damage on a less-fortunate occasion, waves her off. 

“Bit, ah. Messy at the house tonight.”

Bit messy is a gentle way of putting it. In truth, it had been a horrorshow: Hannah already furious with Peter for having barricaded Rebecca in the bedroom all afternoon, Peter furious with Owen for having enlisted Rebecca’s help with dinner, Rebecca wound tight with the rising pressure of a situation primed to go bad for days. When the glass had been thrown--by Peter or by Rebecca, Jamie still can’t say; she suspects it had really slipped from a gesticulating hand, regardless, given momentum by a moment of frustration more than genuine violence--it had been the bomb they’d all been waiting for.

Rebecca had stormed off to her room. Peter, out of the house. Hannah had collected the kids, both of whom were sobbing, and Jamie had pushed Owen’s helpful hand away and cleaned her own wound. 

“Theater,” she says now, aware of Dani’s eyes on her, of the abject concern in Dani’s face. “S’all it was.”

“Not good for the kids,” Dani says quietly. Jamie sighs.

“None of this is good for ‘em. Miles, he keeps...picking up shifty habits from Quint, and Flora’s enamored with the whole rotten mess. Thinks it’s romantic.” Jamie shakes her head, winces when her head rings back in answer. “Like there’s anything fuckin’ romantic about the way he talks to her.”

Dani is quiet a moment. She reaches across the table, presses her fingertips very gently to the place along Jamie’s brow where the glass had landed. 

“Lucky it didn’t break,” Jamie murmurs, almost unaware of leaning into Dani’s hand. “Shouldn’t have gotten in the...”

Dani is gazing at her with eyes too blue, an expression too meaningful. Jamie reaches up, closes her own fingers around the hand gingerly exploring her brow. 

“I’m okay,” she says. “Really.”

Dani seems not to believe her. Dani, whose palm slides across her own, thumb working a swipe along Jamie’s skin. 

“Do you,” she begins. Clears her throat. Tries again. “Do you want to go somewhere?”

Dani nods.

***

She leads Dani upstairs, and even as she’s unlocking the door, she thinks, Mistake? This is, she knows, the kind of thing a person can’t take back. The kind of give that can’t be explained away. 

Dani has not stopped looking at her since leaving the pub. Dani has not let go of her hand. 

Dani, she is sure, feels it, too. 

She’s aware of all the bits of the flat that feel wrong when set alongside Dani Clayton: last week’s shirt tossed over the back of the sofa, last night’s cup on the counter, last month’s dust painting the bookshelf. All the little merits of a life lived alone, she thinks. If she’d known--if she’d planned--it would look different.

Not much different, maybe, but enough.

Dani is looking around with an expression Jamie can’t read. It isn’t unease, or polite interest, or even amusement; it is, Jamie thinks, genuine awe. It is, Jamie thinks, a hunger to belong. 

She’d fit in, she catches herself thinking, watching Dani walk slowly around the flat with the faintest smile at her lips. In that house, with the rest, maybe better than I do. She’d fit right in.

“This is yours?” Dani asks, not gesturing at any one thing in particular, and Jamie nods slowly. 

“Serves its purpose.”

“I’ve never had this,” Dani says. Her eyes linger on Jamie’s face, and she adds hastily, “A place of my own. It seems...quiet.”

“It is,” Jamie says, and wonders if there isn’t more to it. If I’ve never had this is reaching for more than four walls and a bed Dani wouldn’t have to share. 

***

They don’t really talk about it, as Jamie’s flat commandeers the pub’s place in line altogether. Sometimes, Jamie even finds Dani seated on her steps, book propped upon on her knees, waiting patiently to be discovered. It never feels like expectation, Jamie notes with feelings too big to look at for long. It only ever feels like Dani, warm smile and easy hand accepting Jamie’s for balance, has belonged here all along.

“D’you ever just,” Jamie begins, cutting herself off before the rest of the words can spill out. Dani, curled on the sofa with a blanket half-tucked around her, furrows her brow. 

“What?”

“Feel like someone was always there,” Jamie finishes after a moment’s deliberation. It’s too much, probably, but she walked in on Peter and Rebecca screaming at one another again, and Flora spent the whole day in a sulk, and Hannah’s got a weariness around her eyes Jamie doesn’t like. Maybe it’s just a day for too much. 

Dani doesn’t seem to think it’s too much. Dani is nodding.

“Like you don’t even have to introduce yourself, really, because you remember them from another life. Yes. Yes, I’ve...felt that.”

It’s romantic rubbish, Jamie wants to say, something out of one of Flora’s story-time adventures, but the words seem to settle along her skeleton like she needs them. Like they’re offering some kind of strength she didn’t realize she was lacking. 

Dani is gazing at her, her expression fixed and unblinking in a manner that should be off-putting, and Jamie finds herself pulled irresistibly in. Finds herself leaning across the sofa, her thigh pressing to Dani’s, twisting at the waist to face her head-on.

“I’ve never,” Dani says softly, though her head is inclining, her lashes fluttering against her cheek. 

“Don’t have to,” Jamie replies, though her blood is singing, her fingers itching to delve into thick blonde hair. 

“But we could...” Dani is an inch away, and Jamie wants nothing more than to close the gap. Wants to take something for herself, for once, something soft and warm and easier than it ought to be. 

She hesitates. Flexes her hands against her own knees, resisting the urge to grab for Dani’s shirt. 

“Dani, I don’t want to--”

Dani is leaning back, nodding feverishly. “Right. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry--”

“No, listen.” She allows herself this, one hand reaching for Dani’s fingers, unfolding the instinctive fist she’s made. “I'm not...people don’t make sense to me. Understand?”

Dani shakes her head, puzzlement spreading over her impending humiliation. Jamie closes her eyes. 

“There’s a lot to it, and if...if you want to hear it all sometime, I’ll...but for now, just know that people are hard for me. Exhaustive. Complicated. They ask too much and they return too little.”

“Even me?” Dani asks, eyes shining, and Jamie smiles grimly. 

“Even you. Even me. Everyone, understand? But sometimes I still want...”

Dani waits. Dani, who never hurries Jamie anywhere. Who never tries to argue Jamie into a corner, or tells Jamie she needs to be kinder, or sneers for Jamie to get out of her way. Dani, who only sits on Jamie’s sofa, watching Jamie with an intensity no one else seems to possess. 

“If you do,” Jamie says, almost helplessly, letting one hand brace beneath Dani’s elbow. “I want--”

***

Some people--some women--kiss to escape. To flee from their lives, to hide inside Jamie’s hands and lips and fleeting desire. Some women kiss to build up armor: to convince themselves they really are brave enough, even for a night, to be someone else. Some women even kiss to shame themselves, because the memory of Jamie on their skin will rise up at unexpected moments and make them feel something, anything, even if it’s terrible. 

Dani doesn’t kiss like any of those women. 

Dani kisses like she wants. Simple and steady and nothing more. Like she wants to be kissing Jamie, wants to be learning Jamie, wants the want of it as much as the thing itself. There is no shame, in the way Dani kisses her. There is only breathless excitement, Dani moving across the sofa to press tight to Jamie’s frame along the cushions.

“I’ve never,” she says again, only this time, she’s curling the words into the underside of Jamie’s jaw. She’s letting them spill across Jamie’s skin from within the loose grip of Jamie’s arms, her hands wound tight in Jamie’s shirt, her voice jittery with anticipation. 

“If you want to stop,” Jamie begins, and Dani is shaking her head, kissing her neck, murmuring against her in such a way, Jamie can’t help but shiver.

“It’s what I--it’s right. The right way.” She lifts her eyes, and Jamie can’t help but grin at the joy reflected back. “I’ve never done it the right way.”

Jamie wants to know what that means, what the wrong way was, but it doesn’t seem a question for now. Now is just Dani, the one golden light untouched by a bleak day, the one bright spot after a tattered house Jamie doesn’t really belong in. Dani, who sighs against her lips, smiling, like she’s never been so happy to kiss someone. 

She’s waiting for Dani to reel back, to gasp, to mention the fiancé again--but Dani only presses in closer and lets her mouth linger against the thunder of Jamie’s pulse beating along in her throat. Dani only finds her lips with such a sound of relief, Jamie can do nothing but grip at her back in response. 

Have we done this before? she thinks with feverish uncertainty. Have we been here before? Dani is new, each press and slide of fingers along her skin calling forth unexpected sounds, but Dani is also right. Like meeting someone and knowing they were meant to be in your story the whole time. 

“You’re sure?” she asks, though Dani is gazing down at her with such obvious desire, it makes her stomach clench. 

Dani, in answer, kisses her as no woman has ever kissed her, and Jamie lets herself fall. 

***

Dani is still in her bed come morning. 

Dani is still wrapped around her, naked skin and rapturous smile, and Jamie thinks, How can I be so happy, when the rest of it is falling apart?

“All right?” she asks, half-expecting the awareness of the previous night--of their slow stumble across the flat, of Dani’s shirt over her head and Dani’s hands cradling Jamie’s skin--to crash in around them both like a bad dream. Dani only wriggles against her under the blankets, face pressed to Jamie’s shoulder. 

“Yes. Are you?”

No one has ever asked that, Jamie realizes dimly. Not even the first girl she’d ever loved, the one who had taken Jamie by the shoulders and kissed her hard enough to hurt. Jamie, who had only been preoccupied with the sense memory of a moment like that, with the teeth buried in her bottom lip and the hand cupped between her legs, hadn’t much cared at the time. 

Now, though, with Dani looking at her this way, she can’t imagine being with someone who doesn’t ask. Who doesn’t trail the tips of their fingers along her shoulder, her collarbone, her neck, and smile like they knew all along they were needed here. 

“I’m glad,” she hears herself say, morning rasp tracing the words, “you stayed.”

Dani is still beaming when Jamie kisses her, the implication of I am, too buried in the gentle press of her hand against Jamie’s cheek.

“Are you going to be late?” she asks a little while later, when there’s fresh sweat on her breast and Dani is gulping air against her neck. Dani shakes her head, dusting light kisses across Jamie’s skin. She swallows, laughs, groans when Dani finds a particularly pleasant spot in the hollow of her throat and sets to exploring it properly. “Keep doing that, and I will be.”

And would that be so bad? To leave the house for a day. To pretend like it isn’t all imploding around her, a little family divided by one man’s arrogance. Like Jamie doesn’t feel, more and more each day, as though she is the odd one out, the seventh wheel amid three solid pairs.

Dani, still teasing the clench of her stomach with curious fingers, says, “Guess you should go, then,” and Jamie thinks no one has ever said as much to her with less pleasure. No one has ever sounded quite so inclined to keep Jamie close. 

“I’ll be back,” she promises, and Dani--spilled across her sheets like she was placed by some grand wish--grins all the wider.

***

Rebecca spends the day in silent fury, tears running down her cheeks. Hannah spends it trying to keep her lips pursed around I told you so-shaped phrasing. Owen spends it in the kitchen, head down, and Jamie spends it teaching the kids how to properly weed out a garden, just for the distraction of it all.

Peter, they tell her, is gone. 

Peter, they tell her, left last night. 

“Gone where?” Dani asks when she pushes into the flat that night to find her still here, wrapped in one of Jamie’s favorite shirts and a pair of shorts. She has spent the day, she says, feeling intrusive, feeling as though she ought to be somewhere. Jamie, unable to explain the ease with which she does it, only leans in to kiss her slowly. 

“Here,” she says. “Meant to be here.”

As for Peter--she doesn’t much care where he’s skittered off to. Good fucking riddance, in her opinion. 

“Rebecca probably doesn’t agree,” Dani says, folded onto one of the sparse kitchen chairs with bare feet and a worried expression Peter doesn’t deserve. Across from her, Jamie sighs. 

“Maybe he’s got the right idea.”

Dani tips her head, waiting, and it strikes Jamie that this is an already that doesn’t make much sense. Like the comfortable silences, Dani’s capacity to already understand when she needs to talk something out, when she needs to come to a matter on her own terms without being rushed along, is a thrill. 

“Been thinking,” she goes on slowly, giving voice to thoughts she’s been batting around for months, “maybe I’ve outstayed my welcome, as it were. At the house. With the others.”

“You said you loved it,” Dani points out. Jamie sighs.

“Love the work. Love the people, some of ‘em. But there’s something about it--something about being bound to the place that feels...”

Suffocating, she doesn’t say. Like trying to walk against the wind. Like a clock ticking down.

“Been thinking for a while,” she says instead, “about moving on. Traveling some. Can find good work for my hands anywhere, can’t I?”

Dani doesn’t answer. Dani seems to recognize this is Jamie’s future to parse out, Jamie’s thoughts to sift through. Dani having spent a night in her bed is not qualified to deter or convince her. 

“It can be lonely,” she says, when Jamie goes quiet. “Traveling without a destination.”

“You’ve been doing it,” Jamie points out, smiling a little, and Dani looks almost embarrassed. 

“Seemed the only thing to do, at the time. If I had to do it again...”

“You’d stay home?”

Dani laughs. “No. No, absolutely not.” Her hand slides across the table, tangling with Jamie’s fingers. “But...I don’t know that I’d do it alone again. If I didn’t have to.”

Jamie says nothing, the words revolving around and around between them. It’s too early to say it, she thinks. Even if she feels as though she’s known Dani far longer than these few weeks, these spare bundles of days spent talking, laughing, kissing, it hasn’t been long enough to say a thing like this. 

Dani is watching with serious eyes, with a strangely calm expression, and Jamie wonders if she can see it in her eyes, the thing she is deliberately not saying out loud.

***

She expects to find Peter back again the next day, but his absence is etched into every inch of wallpaper like a smoke stain. Rebecca seems to be moving in slow motion, going about the business of teaching the kids with very little investment. Hannah and Owen exchange concerned looks over the lunch table, and Jamie--who had enjoyed a languorous morning with Dani in her entirely too-small shower--finds herself thinking again of this house, how good it is at building pairs of people. How, without her pair, Rebecca seems lost. How, without Jamie around each morning, Hannah and Owen seem to be revolving ever nearer to one another. 

And maybe that’s for the best, she thinks. Maybe it’s like science, like the simplicity of an atom. Maybe without Peter holding her to the structure, Rebecca will ultimately bounce off again, vanish into a space built for, instead of around, her. Maybe Owen and Hannah will finally speak of quiet lovely truths they’ve been dancing around for years. Maybe it will all balance out. 

“Where are you off to next?” she asks Dani one night, the two of them curled close in bed. Dani, who had been drowsing against her shoulder, raises her head. 

“Kicking me out?” There’s a smile on her lips which, when paired with the genuine edge of worry in her voice, makes Jamie’s heart hurt. 

“No, I--I mean, I know it’s...early. And you can say no. Please, by all means, say no if you--”

“Ask,” Dani interrupts gently. Jamie sighs. 

“I’m going to call up Wingrave. Let him know he’ll be needing a new groundskeeper for the autumn season. I can’t...”

Keep listening to the walls breathe around me, she doesn’t say. Keep watching Rebecca mope, and the kids checking every window for Peter fucking Quint’s reflection. Can’t keep still in this place that only ever wants a person to stay the same. 

“I can’t,” she repeats solidly. “I was wondering if you’d...if you wanted...”

It’s been a week since opening her bed to Dani Clayton, and a week is nothing. A week is barely a breath, in the grand scheme of things, but there are feelings Jamie can’t bury once dug up. Certainties she can’t turn from, once looked in the eye. There is something about the way Dani exhales across her skin in her sleep, about the way Dani kisses her with open abandon when Jamie touches her, about the look in Dani’s eyes when she thinks Jamie doesn’t see. A week in her bed. A month in her life. 

Sometimes, she thinks recklessly, you know it’s worth trying for.

“If you wanted the company,” she says finally. “Not even forever, if you didn’t want--”

“Forever’s a long time,” Dani replies, though she’s smiling. Heat winds its way up Jamie’s neck, settling between her shoulder blades, at the small of her back where Dani’s hand seems always to grip tight around her shirt. 

“It is. Yeah.”

“Start smaller?” Dani suggests quietly, even as she’s pressing close, one leg sliding between Jamie’s beneath the sheets. “Only, I knew someone once, who demanded forever. It...didn’t work out.”

“Smaller,” Jamie agrees, relieved. Dani smiles against her lips, each kiss a little longer, a little more wanting than the last. “Little at a time, maybe.”

“Company would be nice,” Dani answers, and then she’s kissing Jamie for real, pressing Jamie into the sheets, and Jamie doesn’t care that the summer has been a mess of other people’s feelings, that the house is a cataclysm of old ghosts and unpleasant exhumations, that people are rarely worth the effort sunk into them. Jamie doesn’t care about anything just now except the distinct sound of Dani’s laugh in her mouth, the distinct pressure of Dani’s fingers against her heart. 

A woman in her pub. An event built of a dozen tiny accidents, a dozen roads taken without expectation of consequence. Maybe in another life, Dani would have chosen the next village down the way. Maybe in another life, Jamie would have been too wary to meet her eyes. Maybe in another life, Rebecca would never have come to teach those kids, Peter would never have made a misery of that house, Owen and Hannah would have built a love in Paris to put them all to shame. Other lives. Other roads. 

In this one, Jamie dreams of adventure, of a soft hand tucked into her own, of blue eyes and a brave little grin, and thinks, Half the fun, isn’t it? Never knowing where you might land. 

[purpleyellow]

Go to bed

The boyz 12th member

Mae’s masterlist

“The boys have to deal with Mae’s tendencies to overwork herself”

Requested by: anon

a/n: Feel free to share your thoughts with me. Requests are open! 🧡

Going to the dorms during a comeback is like a magical moment that makes you want to appreciate it as much as possible because of how little it lasts.  The Boyz were experiencing that exact same feeling when they rushed inside the apartment after a day filled with practices on top of schedules for promoting Giddy up.

After doing whatever needed to be done as fast as possible, the members slowly engaged in a discussion over who was going to use the bathroom second — Hyunjae had already locked himself in there — and how the order would be. Since it was already pretty late with only three hours before having to get up again, everyone wanted to get to bed as soon as possible, not caring about eating or other stuff but showering and sleeping right away.

Mae, however, stood there trying to follow their arguments but at some point her mind flew back to the performance on that evening, all she could think about was when she tripped, individually messing up the rest of that verse. Silently walking back to the room she shared with the other two members, the girl decided it would be best for her to be the last person showering and spend the time waiting by practicing the song again.

After a few minutes untangling her earphones and lightly stretching out her tired muscles the commotion outside to started to die down. Hyunjae, fresh out of the shower, and one annoyed Juhaknyeon walk in just as the Mae was getting up from the ground.

“We're going by age, Sangyeon just went in and Q said he'll knock once it's your turn.” Haknyeon tells her while sitting down on the floor and leaning against his bed “The 98's are going to take too long, wake me up after you're done”.

“And don't be loud, dreamland is waiting for me.” Hyunjae smiles triumphantly and flicks her forehead before jumping on his bed “Turn off the lights please, you can wait in the dark”.

“I'll wait outside actually,” Mae groans and gets up, the only sign of recognition from the boys being a small humming right before she passes through the door. The urge to throw herself on the couch gets fought off by feeling annoyed at messing up.

She was used to the hectic life even before turning a trainee, pushing back her downtime to do whatever crazy activity had come up under her mom's radar or stressing over the things she needed to be good at. Yet, obviously dancing wasn't one of them. The girl thought back to her mother dismissing her dad when he told them about jazz lessons, maybe she could've been sleeping at that moment.

Turning on the lights from the kitchen, Mae plays the song through her earbuds and starts doing small movements that could mimic the choreography. She jumps in place a couple of times to heighten her senses before putting more effort into moving around, only then truly realizing how tired she was. 

Her arms were really heavy her lower back ached slightly. The burning sensation around her eyes getting a little more noticeable as she lets out a first yawn while mouthing to the lyrics.

It must have been a sight to see the girl dancing to no music while trying to keep herself energized and occasionally getting slapped by the earphone cord that was connected to the phone in her hand. New stopped at the door frame and stared speechless at her. He only wanted to grab a cup of water, not interrupt whatever ritual she was doing.

Sighing, the boy takes one step further inside the kitchen, making her stop midway through her movements, and frantically lower the volume on her phone as if nothing had been happening.

“Hey” Mae nods to him, trying not to show her embarrassment and New gives her a tight-lipped smile.

“What have you been doing?” He asks nonchalantly reaching for a glass. Mae shrugs not making eye contact “Crazily dancing is fine, but you shouldn't be spending the rest of your energy right now. It's going to take a while for most of them to be done showering, go rest on the floor or something”.

“I know, I'm just running over some stuff” A groan leaves her mouth and the girl sets her phone down on the counter.  Mae notices a slight tremor on her hands, yet she's not sure if it's hunger or simply her body asking for a time-out.

“Right now isn't the time to practice, okay?” Chanhee pats her back and takes a sip from his glass “Leave it for when we're back at the company or backstage somewhere”.

“I messed up pretty bad earlier today. The time dedicated to practicing clearly isn't enough”.

“So you're going to burn yourself out by using up all your time because of one, independent, mistake?” He scoffs and Mae bites the inside of her cheeks.

“It could turn into a reoccurring one. And don't treat it like it's a new thing, we've been spending extra hours to better ourselves since trainees. Sadly, this situation isn't much different from that one”.

“Still, everything has a limit” New scoffs “Why do you think schools have recess and in most places lunch breaks are a thing?”.

“I don't know. I spent most of my days going from classes to make myself better for auditions, to said auditions and getting denied only to go back to more practicing. Improvement never came for me during a lunch break, rather from eating a crappy sandwich on my way to a violin lesson”.

Mae finds herself breathless once she's done talking and Chanhee raises one eyebrow digesting what she had said. Thankfully for him, Younghoon steps through the door with a towel over his shoulder. Before anyone else can say anything, Chanhee rapidly says "Mae is thinking about spending the rest of the night practicing instead of resting”.

“What?” The older frowns yet at the same time Jacob calls out his name, “Come deal with this” He waves for the Canadian as he leaves for the bathroom.

Jacob steps through the door smelling the best out of all of them and wearing comfy pajamas. Contrasting to him, Juyeon also appears, still with the clothes he had put on after leaving the broadcasting agency, and looking as exhausted as the rest of them.

“Can you all back me up when I tell this child she's going to pass out if she keeps pushing herself in the most ridiculous times?” New proceeds to speak like she isn't there and Mae, a little unfiltered by the tiredness, raises one eyebrow at him.

“I'm one year younger than you”

“Then stop acting like a child” Much to her surprise, Jacob is the one speaking now. He doesn't act very annoyed, though, more entertained than the other “This is because of that little incident earlier, isn't it?”

“An incident is something you can't control, that was a mistake. And I wasn't going to pull an all-nighter if you were wondering, I only plan on running over the choreography until it's my turn to shower”.

Accidentally spilling everything going on, Mae watches as the three boys look at each other to push past their sleepiness to comprehend everything. Juyeon being the first to move and drape an arm over her shoulder.

“Well, good thing I'm switching turns with you” He says and shushes her as she goes to protest “Let's go grab your stuff in your room, Younghoon Hyung must be almost done with his shower”.

Dragging her back to where Hyunjae and Haknyeon were asleep, Juyeon waits by the door while she picks up her stuff and then gives her a thumbs up as Mae groans and heads to the now empty bathroom.

Her whole routine not taking much longer than the other boys had since the hot water only made her even more ready to bed. She'd never admit to them, but her body was insanely grateful for the break they had pushed onto her.

Once everything had been done, Mae crosses the hallway with half closed lids and bids Juyeon a good night before, once again, entering the dark room.

She's sure both boys are deep asleep, so it slightly scares her when Hyunjae clears his throat and raises his head from his bed.

“You know that messing up on stage at this point means nothing right?” He asks, and the girl realizes someone must have told him what went on.

“Just forget it” She mumbles turning around on her mattress, yet the boy adds “Just thought you should know your spot in the group is well deserved and nothing will change it. Good night”.

“Night”

[s1i9d]

AN IMPROMPTU SPECULATION POST

SPOILERS FOR AMPHIBIA SEASON 2B (“THE SECOND TEMPLE/BARREL’S WARHAMMER”)

IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THESE EPISODES, DO NOT READ FURTHER! THIS IS NOT A DRILL, DO NOT READ FURTHER!

I typically give a heads up and prepare a lot for a speculation post, but this episode had too much to just not talk about what could happen.

So in the before this episode, Anne, Marcy and the Plantars were in Wartwood having fun. While Sasha and Grimes were Toad-tally (sorry, I couldn’t resist haha) incognito since 204 (“Toadcatcher”) Which is absolutely WILD to say the least, that it took us like 13 episodes for a check in with them this late in the game. We have seen bits of Sasha here and there since “Toadcatcher”: “Marcy at the Gates”, “The Sleepover to End All Sleepovers”, and “The First Temple” with Anne’s flashbacks and General Yunnan’s report of the Toad Lords gathering. It’s just wild it took us nearly an entire season to check up on her again.

I’m gonna be talking about some specific moments from the episodes and speculate upon them. If you have NOT seen these episodes, this is your last chance to leave.

Season 2, Episode 17A - “The Second Temple”

So we begin with Anne, Marcy and the Plantars riding into the Amphibian Artic. Hop Pop in his “Hop Pocket” on Joe Sparrow’s chest was a really good episode gag.

We meet Valariana, the same lady from the Bizarre Bazaar. There’s a lot of vague talk in the episode about the box being gone for a vary long time. Valariana begins testing Anne in many ways: risking warmth or her friends, saving a stranger from an avalanche or minding her own business, and even saving Valariana with her “turn to evil” or leave her to die.

Anne passes the tests with flying colours. Not only being heartfilled and saving the people around her, but also taking responsibility for the consequences of her attempts and unsuccessful attempts of doing so. This is a good payoff since the First Temple tested Marcy on both her wit, and humility.

The stone begins to recharge: taking a very long time as part of an Amphibia anti-climactic payoff to a gag. It was pretty funny, but turns out... it has plot ramifications.

Anne hears Marcy and the Plantars screaming, and she runs back to them before the Blue Gem is fully recharged. It seems to be 3/4 filled before Anne takes it just by eyeballing it. And it turns out they were just watching something on Marcy’s phone. They all head home while Hop Pop says that Frobo can make them all some Hot Chocolate (which I want a Frobo for my own please).

The screen shows a black screen with the two charged gems on the music box, and the blue gem... glitches.

Honestly, this is the biggest sigh of relief for me. I thought it wouldn’t make sense for why all the gems on the Music Box would be fully restored while we still have a third season coming. If the gem is kinda not recharged properly, then that means there’s potential for things going wrong.

But what does it mean? The Blue Gem is partially restored, and since we know that the energy comes from the person who is the Heart (aka Anne) and if the gem isn’t fully restored, that also means that Anne has some of her Calamity Energy stored inside her still.

This actually puts a very neat unintentional wrench in Andrias’ plans. He wants them to restore the gems on the Music Box, for them to undo the Prophecy for him and “his Lord” to have their revenge. With three episodes left in the season, we still have no idea what that means.

If the second gem is not fully restored, that must mean the Music Box won't be able to take Anne, Sasha and Marcy home: whether that's them being stuck in Amphibia for another season, or travelling to one of the other worlds we see in the King's book in "A Day at the Aquarium". I think we're probably going to see more episodes in Season 3 of them staying in Amphibia, but I'm just not sure if we're going to end up seeing the other worlds in Season 3.

Either way, things have gone wrong and they're about to get a lot worse. I can see Sasha and Marcy leaving, but not Anne. (WHICH I DO NOT WANT PLEASE LET THEM BE TOGETHER) With that done, let's move on to the next segment.

Season 2, Episode 17B - “Barrel’s Warhammer”

Sasha and Grimes are always fun when we check in on them. It seems like they've gathered the Toads from the other Toad Towers (North, East, and West) at the Northern Toad Tower to convince them to join their plan to overthrow Andrias in the Kingdom. This also tells us that Grimes was in charge of the Southern Toad Tower. I like the touch of Grimes' sister being the Western Toad Tower lord, it was pretty fun.

The Toads are convinced until Grimes suggests that he and Sasha are to lead the rebellion. In the same sequence, Sasha learns that Anne and Marcy are working together (without her) under King Andrias. This is very important for later.

The toads try to imprison Sasha and the gang, but Sasha pulls a Sasha and Sasha's them unconcious. (That made more sense in my head, but okay) And the Northern Toad Lord says that if they can find the warhammer of Barrel the Brave, they will receive the help they need.

After this episode, we still don’t know who exactly Barrel the Brave was. My theory is that he’s the Toad in King Andrias’ painting in the Castle’s Basement with the Shadowfish. The Hammer seemed to respond to Sasha’s Calamity powers, so maybe it did work for him as presumably the Green Calamity Champion.

In this episode what I find interesting (besides the Kawaii poses which were spectacular) is that Sasha needs to be needed by Anne and Marcy. We see from her lines of betrayal that Anne and Marcy are doing fine without her. In my opinion it seems to be as a result of them following her every will like a scared pack of puppies, and she is betrayed that their immediate response isn’t to look for her.

Perhaps Sasha thinks that the events of “Reunion” have caused Anne to disown her as a friend, and making plans with Marcy to leave without Sasha. But Sasha doesn’t know that they’re trying to restore the music box, or even that they have it.

Percy and Braddick are just as interesting oppositions to Sasha’s psyche. When the two want to abandon the plan and do so by trusting Sasha, Sasha pulls a Sasha and Sasha’s them into a Sasha. (Again with the word play what’s up with me) They feel just as betrayed if not more so: they trusted Sasha and she just used them to get what she wanted without caring for them. Perhaps that’s also what Sasha thinks about Anne and Marcy working under King Andrias. (Ironic since she has done the same thing to them)

Sasha is so intriguing and I’m curious to see what they’ll do in “The Third Temple”. Perhaps Sasha will try to seek them out to give them the old one-two, and end up battling the Golem inside the Temple.

Obviously I’m gonna mention shipping. Two episodes where it’s fluff with Marcanne and angst with Sashannarcy. I feel in my soul that the OT3 is plausible where we are, if we just put a lot of work onto Sasha becoming better and repairing her relationship with the other two. But after that blush Anne gave Marcy in “New Wartwood”, there is no hetero answer for that: and yes I will fight anyone who says otherwise.

That’s the end of my post. I doubt I’ll have another big post like this until the week of Finale Speculation, unless something big plot-wise happens in the next three weeks, or something queer happens. (LGBTQIA+ Representation) Either way, I’m really excited.

Three weeks left. My next post will be on Finale speculation. Unless something else comes up. See you then!

[engineer-in-space]

a simple call of the wild review that is totally professional and not way too detailed by me (February)

It's gonna be a bit of comparing to previous powerwolf albums/songs and remember everything is my own opinion. If you disagree/agree we may talk about it in a civilized way, I actually love talking to others about this shit!

But otherwise (hate, insults, etc.) you can keep your opinion somewhere where I can't see it :) Also, the album has barely been out for a day and things change with time and I may grow to like certain things more. (but there's not too much that I don't like tbh) But I hope you enjoy this metalhead-gremlin's ramblings!

Faster than the flame

I had to listen to it quite a few times before I could say anything about it. It's a powerful start into the new album, however, it is (as previously stated) powerful but didn't blow me away like the first songs on the previous albums. (Fire &forgive, Blessed &possessed, amen & attack - wait am I just now noticing a pattern here? oh my god. Anyway.) Maybe I got that personal feeling that I want it to be Fire & Forgive, which is, of course, not possible and would be boring. So i think I'm not even critizing the song but rather the order of the songs.

It feels like a typical powerwolf song; both lyrics and instrumental. Fast, heavy, something about flames and burning - awesome. The two Latin parts (I think it's called the pre-chorus? man, I have no idea and will just throw around these words because my internet connection is too bad to look this up. But if you listen, you'll know which parts I mean.) already give me goosebumps. I also really, really liked the bridge (again?? idk??) aka the "flame, flame, burning wild in heavens name" part. This was the most memorable part for me after the first time listening. Of course, the guitar arrangement throughout the whole song is just... god bless. I must say that using the word "pastor" is dangerous because my stupid brain keeps thinking Attila is singing about "pasta" again... Oh well, moving on!

Beast of Gevaudan

Man, I've been listening almost non-stop since it was released as a single! At first, my head was comparing it somewhat to army of the night but after a few times this feeling was gone and it became an awesome new idea/song. The choir and orchestra part are so well placed and support the rest of the instrumental and Attila's voice perfectly. Again, much fast, very powermetal. I've grown very fond of the guitar solo. The lyrics tell us a little about the story of the beast and I. Love. Storytelling. In. Songs. Glad matthew finally came around to put his idea out there!

This song also has a video, which left me speechless at first. I love Attila's acting so much??? And making this sort of their own story of Jesus was such a cool idea. Production is high quality as well (didn't expect anything less after The Sacrament of Sin MVs) and there were really nice shots in there. I doubt that I will get tired of this song and this video anytime soon!

Dancing with the dead

That choir stuff in the beginning, following by that awesome guitar riff already had me. I couldn't stop listening to this one either. This might be, in my opinion, the most catchy song on the whole album. The intruments are in perfect harmony with Attila's heavenly voice. The transition into the guitar solo is so damn smooth and well done. I'm having a whole crisis about how good this song is.

The lyrics are interesting too! Again, there's a story to be told. As far as I can interpret it, being introduced to some darker powers and growing to enjoy them, despite previously having lots of faith, is what's going on here. It has this slight feeling of... corruption (in a good way of course). This makes me want to go dancing (with the dead)

This one also has a video! Once again, very high quality. Every band member had their "special moments/shots" and just looked stunning. But Attila left them all behind this time. Slow dancing, in a suit, with that smirk on his lips??? Well done, my dude.

Varcolac

This one's dark and heavy. It brings me back to the good ol' times of Lupus Dei and Bible of the Beast. Just with more orchestra, choir and overall harmony. It makes me so happy that Powerwolf is using so many real life legends and figures on this album! And they did such a good job with them as well. If this song was alive, it would be a scary beast.

The typical metal elements and orchestra/choir parts are very well balanced. And the organ throughout the whole song is fitting. It supports the dark and sinister feeling of the whole thing. My favourite part may be the "And as army we bing fire..." parts! Man, I just love werewolves. Also, I think Attila's famous gibberish singing made a return in this one!

Alive or undead

Oh boy,here we go. The piano in this one is incredible. "Here we STAAAAAAND!" Goosebumps and shivers. Everything about this is so emotional andreading the lyrics while listening just makes me want to cry, ok?! T_T Powerwolf has become so flexible, exploring different ways to make music. This could have been some kind of typical powermetal song but it's not and I'm glad about it.

Even if it's a little different, they never stray to far from what makes them special. The few parts, reminding one of typical church music would not have been necessary but are appreciated! They know when to leave out the guitars and go slowly. What bothers me a little, is that it somehow feels like Attila's voice had a tiny bit more potential up to the chorus. It could've been a little bit softer? if i can put it that way. But honestly this song is raw emotion and everything still fits together. If you thought their first ballad was emotional, buckle up, this one kicked me right in the feels.

Blood for blood (Faoladh)

Powerwolf ventures again into the folk metal territory and successfully conquers it! Could be a headline of something. Anyway, this song is a very worthy successor of Incense & Iron! It just makes me happy, its melody is so light - combined with your typical Powerwolf lyrics. Perfect song to start jumping up and down! It radiates motivational energy. Just like Dancing with the dead, this song has a very smooth transition to the guitar parts.

The melody is strong but still easy enough to quickly get into it! I can barely sit still and write this aaaa. Seriously, I am just happy with this song and will go jump and headbang a while to it!

Glaubenskraft

I have returned from jumping and oh no. It's a German song. Bold of them to go all out on that Latin beginning... it works really well though! It might be because I'm German but this song hits hard. Very hard. It's not easy to make this language sound good and ( if you don't happen to know much about German) the lyrics consist of a bunch of old words and grammar you wouldn't normally use anymore. But they made it fucking work!!! The quiet verses only make the pre-chorus and chorus itself heavier and blow me away. And SOMEHOW this super epic song with (made up, at least I'm pretty sure they don't exist like that) Latin words is about.. you know what Powerwolf writes about a lot. And I LOVE that. It's so subtle and only if you read into it, you're like "wait a minute".

This song has a feeling of corruption too. But not in a good way this time. It feels evil and intimidating and - honestly, I can't get enough of it. Everyone of my neighbours will think I'm some kind of weird Christian fanatic because I WILL yell "Glaubenskraft" just as much as I yelled "Stossgebet". Worth it, tho.

Call of the wild

The song with the same title as the album! (or the other way around, whatever.) This song is just catchy from the beginning to the end. Like many other songs its fast and hard. Just how I like it. Don't take that out of context.

The lyrics and instruments go wild (haha get it), with a really neat Latin pre-chorus. It's very fun to listen to. Personally, it makes me feel like I belong to the pack. That we're strong together, that we can say fuck it once in a while and just go crazy. The chanted part near the end of the song reminds me strongly of Sanctified with dynamite (ya know "die, die dynamite" and "call, call, call of the wild") and it's really cool they pick up on old things once again. Be it intentional or not. It's a reminder that they still are who they were back then - and their music is still fucking incredible.

Simply an epic song, strong vocals, strong guitars. I really, really like the intro. Attila has to sing so many words in such little time, does he even need to breathe now and then?

Now I'm wondering what came first; the album title or the track title? Chicken or the egg?

Sermon of swords

First of all: WHAT IS THAT OMINOUS VOICE IN THE BEGINNING. Mark me down as horny and scared. Ahem.

I really like how the verse and the chorus have their own theme and melody going on and yet they're connected. The chorus is super catchy too! And just say it yourself "Sermon of swords", how cool does it sound??? The choir in the beginning is a really neat introduction into the whole song. The lyrics match the whole album, very much a soundtrack to go on a crusade to, like Raise your fist, Evangelist or Christ & Combat. Just... "AAMEEN!" Ok, I'm actually going insane here, calm down, Feb. These might be my favourite lyrics of the whole album I think?? (unless I said that somewhere else already, then i have more than one favourite.)

The whole song has a more "classical" feeling to it, not only in the Powerwolf sense but also in the Heavy Metal sense in general. BUT. Orchestra and choir are prefectly mixed, especially supporting Attila in the chorus. The guitar solo is really cool and sounds very Greywolf-y, if you know what I mean. It's just Matthew's style.

Undress to confess

The name of this song says it all. This is your friendly reminder that no matter how much they preach about Jesus or the Devil, Powerwolf should not be taken too seriously. When I first saw the title I couldn't help but chuckle a little.

The melody is pretty catchy and easy to remember, the organ and general approach reminds me of Demons are a girl's best friend. I absolutely love how the lyrics are on that thin line of somewhat poetic and ridiculous. Let me provide two examples here: "all the world we posess for desire and sin we carress" - man, this sounds pretty.

And there's also "dressed to hide the dark, and obsessed to ride him hard on the.... crucifix." Yeah, I... I don't know what I expected here. Anyway, this is how you describe church sex without actually using explicit words. (why are you booing me, i'm right)

Still really nice to listen to and have a good time!

Reverent of rats

We arrived at the last song of the album! And here we picked up on the speed and power again! The way the organ is played during the verses makes it so... sinister. Again, this piece reminds me of Lupus Dei. The verses keep the sinister feeling while the chorus picks up more... drama? An epic melody mixed with epic words make my soul ascend to heaven.

This guitar solo is also the absolute good shit. It might be my favourite from all the songs of this album?! Additionally, the drums? I don't know why but they really stand out here. Love how fast paced they are.

Aaaaand that's it! If you've read all the way through holy shit, you are actually a badass. Thank you for staying with me, my werewolf friend. Maybe we'll meet where the wild wolves have gone. But always remember: Metal is religion.