#give me my squishy nerd wizard

[chaos-enchanted]

Yeeeess soft body Gale and Astarion mod my beloved!

[noyoucannotpushthevoid]

What DnD Class would the Members of the Scooby Gang fall Into

A follow up to my last post This ended up being so much longer than I initially anticipated lol

Fred Jones: Artificer An extremely underrated class in my opinion. Also, not the one that I think most people think of for a leader. But also, all of his traps. All of his ingenuity working with only the things he has around him to catch the bad guy. I don't really know anything about any of the artificer subclasses besides Battle Smith, which looking at a brief overview of the other options is probably the one I'd give him. He's always more likely to build a trap then just confront and fight the bad guy. Leading into how though Battle Smith is good in a fight, it also can be played as a heavily defensive character. Armorer is just a tad too defensive for Fred as far as I'm concerned. He needs to also have that little confrontational, not totally support edge. Being able to play into both defense and offense is also great for a leader. Plus, he fucking loves his car, like one might love their steel defender that can look like anything the artificer chooses (to be blunt, the mystery machine is a built-in steel defender, right there)

Daphne Blake: Multiclass in Monk and Rogue* For monk, it's canon that Daphne knows martial arts and is decent in a physical confrontation. Not to mention I swear she's used an improvised weapon before, which just screams monk. If my memory serves, she's level-headed and always prepared (even if that preparedness fails a lot of the time. That being said, being prepared and actually on top of using those things are very different. Take it from someone who learned that the moderately hard way (no one died, only one person got kidnapped, everything could've gone a lot worse. So, I count the years of learning as a net positive :))). I will die on the hill that she somehow stole Mary Poppins' bag, a Bag of Holding no doubt. Speaking of stealing, she evidentially multiclassed as a rogue. Again, just her general preparedness. In addition to her being well connected. She sure as shit has the noble background. And what are rich nobles? Corrupt as fuck! It might all just be white collar crimes that they can bribe their way out of, but it's still crime <3**. What else is crime? Anything a rogue is involved in. She's not the most conventional rogue, but she is charming and can be quite good at a makeover or a little deceit***. She could be a bard in this sense, but she lacks the camp to truly fit, in my opinion. She's just not hamming it up enough. Also, not the most musical. I'm sure she's been shown to play, but she gives me 'only learned an instrument because her parents/school told her to'. Therefore, rogue. Apparently, I have a lot more thoughts about Daphne than Fred lol. Funny when you consider the types of characters I like to/end up playing...i.e. himbos. Or himbo adjacent. Regardless, this isn't about that, this is about what subclasses Daphne would take. For Monk, Way of the Open Hand. It's classic and simple, but it feels fitting as the others seem too flashy or too secretive. Daphne, for a rogue multiclass, feels very straightforward. She's not going to dance around you and use a lot of deception in a fight. If you go head on with her it'll be face to face. On the rogue side, the assassin subclass. Again, it's not so flashy like the swashbuckler or so secretive like the phantom, it's a very straightforward and no-nonsense subclass. It gets the job done. And Daphne doesn't really fuck around if I remember right. Her head may be a bit in the clouds, but once she puts so focus in... (I'm second guessing all of this. But that might just be the caffeine)

Velma Dinkley: Wizard If you thought I was going to say anything else, no. I love her, don't get me wrong. But she's a squishy little nerd, better suited for the research and behind the scenes kind of stuff. This feels just so self-explanatory that I don't know what else to say. As for her subclass, the School of Divination seems to fit perfectly with how she sums up each episode and each mystery with a play-by-play of everything. Her reasoning is always spot on. Again, it's very simple, but the role seems to have been made perfectly for her.

Norville "Shaggy" Rogers****: Barbarian Hear me out, he's mostly a coward who runs away. But he has his moments of bravery that remind me of the temporary rages that barbarians can go into. He's an odd barbarian, sure, but think of Gorgug from Dimension 20. He too was a very non-barbarian character playing a barbarian. Shaggy could never maintain his bravery and confidence, but he doesn't need to. As long as he becomes that way when it's needed most, he's golden. Whether a bribe was involved or not. Subclass-wise, one might think Path of the Beast or Path of the Totem Warrior because of Scooby, But no. We'll get to Scooby later. Shaggy, to go with his unpredictability when he actually illustrates some presence of a spine, he gives me Path of Wild Magic vibes. One truly doesn't know what will happen or when his courage will fail him.

Scoobert Doobert: Druid It's just there, in front of our faces, a druid who's always in beast form. As well as he has a protective streak. I don't think that's specific to druids, but it doesn't contribute to him playing a class that, at least the way I've played it***** and seen it played, leans away from fighting and towards support. Am I just stereotyping him cause he's a literal talking dog? Yes. His subclass is Circle of the Shepard. It's also a subclass that leans heavily into being support, but not a healer. Scooby has also been seen in some episodes calling upon new friends and allies to fuck up the bad guy. Not to mention but he can rely on fucking Scrappy Doo if he needs to (that little punk is just a straight Fighter and I don't take constructive criticism). His relationship with Scrappy Doo also leans into his protective streak, where while he can rely on Scrappy, he won't out of the urge to protect his nephew. Like a herd dog. This is such loose reasoning, regardless it is what it is.

*I'm up in the air about which one she started as, though honestly leaning towards rogue **This whole tangent makes me feel the same way I did when I read a review of 'Before the Devil Breaks You' by Libba Bray and the reviewer wrote something to the tune of: I didn't expect the series to get so political. The author didn't need to shoehorn in her beliefs. As if it's not a well-researched historical fiction book that dealt with eugenics and abuse and anarchy from the first book...but I also probably shouldn't judge as this reviewer and I were evidentially reading the series with two different perspectives and focuses. Politics doesn't need to be in everything, but it certainly is in, what I'd argue as, the majority of things whether we like it or not ***Honestly, all the girly girl stereotypes in media definitely give at least rogue multiclass. I only partially can decern why ****My beloved *****Please understand I've only ever played it once...in a pathfinder campaign...two sessions of a pathfinder campaign...I am about as far as an expert on the class as one can be while still having played it. So, take everything I say with a grain of salt. Pathfinder druids have a lot of healing and support abilities, that's what I know Oh, and the main villain of a campaign I dm'd was a knock off Circle of Spores Druid (I didn't have access to that content on dndbeyond and was in a time rush or something because I didn't just make him like I do every other character i.e. not on dndbeyond. I just use the site as reference)

[judesowndaughter]

———  basics! ♡

NAME! ♡ -  les

PRONOUNS! ♡ -  she/her/hers

ZODIAC SIGN! ♡ - cunt sun cunt moon cunt rising

TAKEN OR SINGLE! ♡ -  single

———  three  facts! ♡

1! ♡  - i’m almost embarrassed to say this, but writing is my main hobby! i also do it professionally (albeit in a VERY different capacity) and find that if i don’t write at least once a day, i get antsy. i do like to take a day off sometimes, but otherwise don’t get tired of writing. it’s just something i have to do.

2! ♡ -  i am a BIG fan of little guys. that sounds really vague, so i guess what i mean is little dudes. IRL cats, those soot sprites from s/pirited a/way, axolotls, sanrio characters, any tiny fantasy creatures that people draw. yeah. little guys, i go nuts for ‘em. the activate the happy parts of my lizard brain something fierce.

3! ♡ -  so! dnd nerd time! back in the day i used to think that i was a dps/squishy mage kind of gal. but i got frustrated when my little wizard guys couldn’t take any damage. once i started playing tank, i realized how much fun i was having, and now i’m really, really into playing support-y tanks. paladin, fighter (gunslinger my beloved), and STR-based clerics are my faves.  

———  experience! ♡

PLATFORMS USED! ♡ -  i’ve done everything from actual in-person roleplaying for d/nd, all the way to s/kype, t/umblr, and d/iscord! 

———  muse  preference! ♡

FEMALE, MALE OR NONBINARY! ♡ - i tend to write female muses, with some male muses that i occasionally get attached to. i guess i feel more comfortable writing women, especially sapphic women, because i myself am a sapphic woman. 

MULTI OR SINGLE! ♡ -  i prefer to run single blogs (it’s annoying, i know lmao) like unless a multi is united by a singular theme (in sean and max’s case, it’s choice, the supernatural, and saying goodbye to the mundane world.) i feel weird if i have two muses on one blog that feel incongruous in terms of theme and content. like, i would never include kate and mia on the same blog. i prefer that my muses inhabit their own little spaces. 

FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT! ♡ -  i love angst, i’m a big sucker for it! i think it’s interesting to see how characters react to and potentially resolve a stressful situation. i do love fluff, but what i really like is fluff and angst combined. i like hurt/comfort, guilty as charged! smut is complicated. i think i’ve written a grand total of maybe...one smut thread? i’m willing to write it, but i prefer to do that with somebody i am familiar with, and we have an established relationship with our muses. no special reasons, it’s just how my brain works  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ PLOT / MEMES! ♡ -  i like memes, but i prefer to plot! i feel like i have a better handle on where i’m going with the character and scenario. it also gives me a better idea of what someone likes/doesn’t like, and i think knowing people’s interests and boundaries is great when it comes to roleplay. plus, it’s just fun to gush about our characters!

———

TAGGED BY! ♡ - the wonderful @euphoriabled ! thank you so much for tagging me!

TAGGING! ♡ -  @ladreamt , @arcadiafound , @stormseen , @et-inarcadia-ego , @boundedbygrief and YOU if you would like! 

[thenerdyindividual]

Same anon, please call me Elyrae. :) yay I was right! I had originally thought pure divination wizard with Morgana but then she was fighting with a sword in training so I thought Eldritch Knight multi to give her the proficiencies. I missed Gwaine being part rogue but it makes sense. I’m playing a celestial warlock/wizard multiclas in one of my games atm, so the warlock part was easy for me and I’ve had a friend play a shape sorcerer in another game so I remembered it. I would love to see more!

Elyrae it is! I have another fic called Poison of Oaths (A Paladin of Emrys) where Merlin (who is magic itself) turns out to be a literal god and inadvertently turns Arthur into an oath of devotion Paladin.

I have a Wild Magic Sorcerer character right now, and an Echo knight, and a Wizard Monk multiclass because as much as I love wizards they are… incredibly squishy lmao. If you ever want to come off anon and nerd out over Merlin and D&D for a bit feel free!

[arewelonely]

hiya laurel!! i would love to make a request if you're up for it? how about some jily but this time lily sneaks in to visit james at his house? i'll leave the rest up to you xx

helloo! i couldn’t have lily sneaking into james’ house with them fully together, bc i like the idea of the potters just being so welcoming she can come in through the front door :) so, instead, we’ve got the following:

jily summer after fifth year, Lily appears in James’ room one dusty afternoon

---

“Oi, Potter, I should’ve known your room would look like a five year old’s.”

She thought this was a pretty good opener, and she had planned it, sitting on his bed after having pulled a few of his books off of the shelves and thumbing through them–biographies of famous Quidditch players, some children’s books that were so clearly wizard Lily couldn’t help but smirk as picked them up (The Tales of Beedle the Bard, seriously?).

She got to watch as James’ mouth opened and shut a few times, the door still halfway opened and his hand still on the knob.

“I mean, Quidditch posters, children’s books, mess everywhere, all we’re missing are some stuffed animals, huh?”

James seemed to come back to himself and he nudged his glasses up on the bridge of his nose (Lily rolled her eyes) and stepped fully into the room, shutting the door behind him. “Evans, what in Merlin’s name are you doing here?”

Lily leaned back on the bed (his bed) and spread out her fingers. “Ooh, the blankets are comfy. Any stuffies hiding underneath?”

“Evans, what?” Potter seemed unsure of whether he should step forward and stop her from lifting up the covers–

“Ah, yes! A... hm,” Lily held up the dragon and pretended to think, thrilling herself at the look of utter confusion on James’ face, “a Norwegian Ridgeback?”

James crossed his arms and rolled his eyes upwards, staring at the ceiling. His cheeks tinged a slight pink. Lily held back her smirk. She knew what was coming.

“No, it’s a Hungarian Horntail. Norwegian Ridgebacks are more brown colored, less shiny black, here, see–” He made as if to move forward and take the dragon from her and then shook his head and stood back again. “No, Evans, what? How did you get in here?”

“You’ve got a window,” Lily pointed. “And a tree outside.”

“You flew here?” James’ eyebrows skyrocketed.

“No,” Lily rolled her eyes. “There are other ways of getting around, you know.”

James frowned.

“I took the train.”

“Oh.” His face flashed with some emotion that Lily couldn’t read (she wasn’t acutely familiar with any of his emotions other than irritation, smugness, or puppy-dog love, and this was none of those). James then swallowed, staring again at her lounging on his bed. “You’ve been reading?”

“Yeah. Gotta learn all I can about our friend Beedle, huh?”

James bit his lip and smiled around it. “You’ve never heard of Beedle the Bard.”

“I’m not a posh prick, huh?” Lily was aware her comeback didn’t have the usual bite it might have earlier this year, or in years past, but, of course, she hadn’t come to James Potter’s room to truly fight...

“Nah, you’re just a nerd. Surprised you haven’t heard of it.” James moved to sit on his bed with her (a massive bed, it was, so they could both sit with maybe a foot between them–oh, no, James was shifting closer now) and took the book out of Lily’s hands. “Hm.”

Lily watched as he flipped through the pages, eyes serious and scanning each page. It was a beautiful book, she couldn’t deny it... wizard kids were spoiled with books that glimmered and moved to illustrate the fairytales, instead of just stoic Muggle ones.

“Here, this is my favorite.”

Lily coughed as she tried to restrain a laugh, and her eyes narrowed when James’ eager ones met hers. “Excuse me.”

“What, Evans?”

“Babbitty Rabbitty and her Cackling Stump? No wonder you turned out the way you did, that’s the stupidest title–”

“No, Evans, it is a work of art.” James turned on his back, holding the book above his head, “A long time ago, in a far-off land–”

“Potter.”

“There lived a foolish–” he turned to shoot her a glance at this word, “–king who decided–”

“Oi, Potter.”

He pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose, “that he alone should have the power of magic.”

Lily reached forward to grab the book from him and, when his grip was too tight, snatched his glasses from his face.

“Hey, Evans, now that’s just malicious.”

She held the glasses over her head and resisted the urge to place them on her own face, leaning back and keeping the glasses up high when James shut the book and scrambled to reach up for them.

“Pot calling the kettle.”

James seemed to pull back at this, first the expression on his face and then his body, so Lily was left waving his glasses over her head with him sitting in front of her. The look on his face... he was just about to open his mouth and Lily wasn’t sure what was going to come out of it so she quickly scooted off his bed, folding the glasses to hang from the center of her shirt collar, and tiptoed around the t-shirts and, oh, yes, that was underwear, that littered the floor. She headed to the desk.

“What laws are you about to break, here?”

“Ehm, only a few.”

His desk was scattered with paper and markings, diagrams of... a car? Lily raised her eyebrows at James, shooting him a glance over her shoulder, then moved to examine the scratchings more clearly. James’ glasses swung forward from her shirt. “A motorbike, really?”

“It was Sirius’ idea, but yeah, we’ve been working on it.”

Oh, right. Sirius was here. Hm. She had somehow forgotten about that.

Lily snorted and picked up one of the pieces of parchment.

“What?”

His glasses were warm against her skin.

She turned and leaned against the desk, confirming her findings before retorting back, a smug smile working its way around her mouth, “this is wrong.”

“What?” James’ eyebrows were up so high on his forehead again, and he stepped forward. “Evans, you can’t just come barging into my room and just–I mean, why are you even here, you never–”

Yes. Yes. His cheeks were turning red, she held back her smile.

“I mean, Potter, these spells are gonna cancel each other out.” Lily pointed to the enchantments listed out by the wheels.

Gloriously, James shut up. Ungloriously, he grabbed the glasses from her shirt (she had to consciously keep her breathing steady... his hands were so close, too close to her... er). He leaned forward to stare at the page in her hands.

Lily watched as his throat worked around a swallow, his eyes darting back and forth between what must have been Sirius’ scratchings (there was no way James wrote so neatly) and the model they were scribbling on top of.

She cleared her throat. “This one’s gonna overpower any Disillusionment charm you try to add, you’re gonna need something–”

“Stronger, okay,” James snatched the paper from her and stared at it again. Prat.

“No, I was gonna say something Muggle.”

James looked up at her.

“If you make the motorbike faster using Muggle methods, gears and whatnot, you can add the Disillusionment charms without it interacting with any speed charms you’ve got.”

James stared at her, his mouth parted.

“What? I’m right.”

He bit his lip.

Lily stared at him, her heart racing. She was right.

“Where would I get something like that?”

Lily ran a hand through her hair, letting it fall forward and cover a bit of her face. “Any Muggle hardware store should have you covered.”

James was still looking at her.

“Look it up. A phonebook, or–or wait, no, you lot don’t have phonebooks, do you?”

James ran his hand through his hair.

“Go to a library or–”

“What are you doing here?”

“What’s your dragon’s name?” Lily walked towards his bed and picked up the dragon. Squishy, more shiny black scales than dull brown, a few threads falling out of the seams, clearly well loved. “Ridgie?”

“No, it’s a Hungarian Horntail,” James looked exasperated and Lily swallowed her smile.

“Ah. So. Hungry? Ehm, horny?” Lily really was pleased with herself at these nicknames.

“No. And honestly, not the type of humor I’d expect from you, seems more like what the boys and I–”

Oh, shite, he might be right. Lily interrupted quickly. “What’s it’s name?”

“His.”

“Right. What’s his name?”

“Er. Bubbles.”

Lily frowned and let an incredulous look take over her face, staring at the dragon. “Bubbles?”

“Gimme.” James sighed and looked upwards, holding his hand out.

“What?”

“Evans, give it.” He didn’t wait any longer, just took it, and squeezed in the middle–

Oh. “Oh my.”

Apparently, when one squeezed this dragon, bubbles in the shape of shimmering fire and little star-like sparks came out of its mouth.

"And,” Lily said, feeling a bit distracted, honestly quite mesmerized at these beautiful bubbles, she couldn’t even find something snarky to say about wizard children, “you still sleep with... ahem, Bubbles?”

“Alright, Evans.” James tossed the dragon–er, he tossed Bubbles– back on to his bed. “What are you doing here?”

Lily racked her brain for another question but, Merlin, nothing was coming to her. She tried, she really did, “typical of wizards, huh, having flashy toys because you don’t have the imagination–”

“Why did you come to my house, why sneak into my room?”

James was walking closer and Lily felt her breath begin to tighten, his eyes on hers, his hair flopping back down to his face.

“–to come up with anything creative on your own, you need it–”

“Evans, why are you here?”

“–just handed to you, in a shiny gift-wrapped box–”

“Evans, what is going on?”

They were standing too close at this point. James’ eyes, through his glasses, appeared too piercing and too much as if they could see through her own. Lily’s chin quivered and her nose flared. If James moved a few centimeters the longest strands of his hair would brush her forehead.

Lily swallowed. She hadn’t thought this far, had just wanted the... ugh, the fucking banter, had just wanted the back and forth and, honestly, had wanted to know what the prat’s room was like... wanted to escape her own... escape her own room, her own house, the people in her house...

“Hey, Evans, are you okay?”

What would she even say, how much of her home life did she want the prick–or, agh, no, the boy standing tall in front of her– to know?

James’ arm twitched by their side, as if he was about to touch her, and Lily backed up abruptly, a few steps until oof, ouch, the back of her head banged into the wall. Her blinks came quickly as she rubbed her head and Lily broke their eye contact and instead stared at the window. Alright, it was time to go, hm?

"Hey, you don’t have to–”

James’ arm was reaching out towards her now, but he didn’t touch, just waited as she turned around, her jaw working out something to say, or restraining something, she honestly didn’t know which.

“I mean, you can stay if you–”

“No, I can’t.” Her voice came from the back of her throat. “I don’t belong here, with all the wizard things, in your private space, hm?” She pressed a smile to her face, her voice light.

James tilted his head and shot her a look, his eyes so dark. You are wrong, the look said.

Lily swallowed.

James cleared his throat, hand through the hair, broke eye contact for a second. “You know where I live, anytime–ehm, how?”

“Sirius.” The word came out scratchy, and she coughed. “He, er, had your address written in one of his books one time, we were paired up, I noticed it...” Lily shook her head at herself and moved towards the window again, hoisted herself up.

“Evans.”

She stopped, one leg out of the window, holding on to the frame.

“Anytime. I’m here.”

Her nose flared again.

“Alright, Evans?”

James seemed small in his room now that she was watching from the outside. The air felt different here, maybe just because Bubbles wasn’t spewing magical bubble vomit, but Lily felt so deeply that she was leaving this room.

“See you at school, Potter.”

Lily jumped down from the tree higher up than maybe she should have, but she enjoyed the sharp exhale as her feet touched the ground and her limbs bent harshly, then set off towards the edge of the Potter property. She had a bit of a walk back to the center of town to get to the train, then a train ride back to... yeah, back to her home.

A month and a half left until school. She could last that long.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

If Lily and Lenin had a child what do you suppose it would look like? (I'm very much looking forward to seeing the Egg from "Wearing the faces of men" hatch) Would Lenin even want to have children? Or would it be an Oopise? PS: I ship those two so much, you literally have no idea. I really hope that your main work has a happy ending (because I'm a basic bitch) but I would honestly just love reading it however it ends

Isn’t that the question of the hour?

So, first things first. It’s funny that you bring up the Lily/Lenin children scenario because for most of the other pairings I’ve written Lee/Lily with I have a very good idea of what this kids look like/their personalities/etc. 

Lee and Minato, a daughter named either Naruto or Hari depending if Kushina’s in the picture, because neither of them have any imagination. Looks and acts a lot like Minato, has Lee’s hair texture and some of her facial features.

Lee and Obito, well, for reasons called potential spoilers for “Finishing the Hat” I won’t get into it, but take my word for it that I know what the children are like almost embarrassingly well. 

Lily and Wizard Lenin though, honestly, that’s for some reason harder for me to picture and I can’t quite explain why. And it’s not the pairing, clearly, they’re the main deal in “Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus”, they’re just hard to picture. But let’s try, it’ll be an adventure for all of us.

First, the easier question, does Wizard Lenin want children? No. First, being immortal, he has a) no need for a legacy/immortality in the form of children and b) he’s guaranteed to outlive said children unless they pull some seriously gnarly shit. I think having an heir would be the most compelling argument but since he intends to live and rule the world forever what’s the point of that? It’d just give everyone the wrong idea. Worse, the kid might get the wrong idea and try to kill him to take the throne. And then there’d have to be an execution and it’d all get very messy. 

More than that though, he would completely panic at the idea of fatherhood. He never had any family of his own, basically raised himself (and did a craptastic job at that), and has no idea what good fathers even do. More, he knows exactly how difficult he was as a child and teenager (especially since being forced to confront Wizard Trotsky). The idea of having to deal with a young Tom Riddle himself? He’d probably laugh and then he’d cry. 

Then of course, while Wizard Lenin is above such things as attachment to other human beings, I think he’d recognize that having this squishy, mortal thing, that will inevitably die while he reigns the cosmos would be really depressing. And if they have kids you’d get this long line of descendants to which Wizard Lenin is this weird ageless god uncle. Can you imagine those family reunions? Yikes.

So children for Wizard Lenin would definitely be an “oopsie”. An “oopsie” likely involving a copious amount of alcohol, suppressed feelings, and a much older Lily.

I picture maybe fifty or sixty years in the hypothetical future where everything goes Wizard Lenin’s way and he and Lily get over their current tiff. Wizard Lenin’s still ageless and Lily’s now a creepy adult who’s stopped aging and looks like an elf from Lord of the Rings. He’s been ruling forever, it’s boring, all his original followers are dead and his second generation followers (i.e. Draco Malfoy) are old men, and now becoming a Death Eater is a prestigious competitive ridiculous thing for eager eyed youngsters. Lily wanders the world/cosmos, is on speed dial but tries not to make messes too often for Wizard Lenin (which is hard because he now rules everything), and is desperately trying to keep busy despite the fact that she has nothing to do. Lily’s his pretty much wife except he’s never married her because god emperors don’t need wives (unless, of course, he got tired of people trying to get him to marry wizarding nobility and he just couldn’t take it anymore). They reminisce about the good old days, Wizard Lenin probably confess that it was a lot more fun chasing the car than actually reaching the car, Lily probably talks about all the traumatizing adventures she’s had with robots, alcohol gets involved, then unprotected sex then, SURPRISE!

But anyways, right, what the children look like.

First, we have the “what the fuck” option that always must be considered when mating with a god. Lily could give birth to herself in a very traumatizing experience for both her and Wizard Lenin. It could be just a giant ball of mysterious light. It could be Rabbit. It could be some mysterious green eyed shadow blob that eats children. It could just be a regular mysterious blob. It could be The Key/Dawn Summers and look/act like a perfectly normal child until Wizard Lenin discovers it’s actually something so horrifying and inhuman it’s been disguised as a human child by monks with too much time on their hands.

But let’s take this a little more seriously/get to what you were probably asking me for. Though the “what the fuck” option is always a hilarious one to consider. 

So appearance, the hair’s probably going to take after Wizard Lenin’s in color just because of how genetics work. They could have anywhere from auburn to black hair. I’m going to go with auburn because I enjoy red. It’s probably thick and probably curly. 

Eyes are probably going to be anywhere from green to blue but more likely to be blue for similar reasons. 

Since Wizard Lenin and Lily are both ungodly pale creatures the kids, sadly, will not be able to tan. However, being Wizard Lenin’s children and the heirs to his empire, they’re probably not allowed to do anything so pedantic as tan. 

My first thought was that any kid should not be good looking. They should have all the right bone structure, thick eyelashes, hair, etc. to be good looking but too much of Lily’s intrinsic weird seeps in and you just get these kids who look like they should have walked out of “Children of the Corn”. 

But since I promised we’d stray from the “what the fuck” option they’d likely be very good looking kids. Wizard Lenin’s gorgeous and I always imagine Lily grows up to be a very attractive adult.

But descriptions are boring, I can doodle.

Let’s say that the “oopsie” produces a set of twins. 

First, we have the daughter, who clearly takes a lot after Lily both in appearance and personality.

Likely, when Wizard Lenin got over his existential/fatherhood crisis he and Lily bickered for months over names. Both are convinced the other is terrible at naming children. Both of them are right.

In the end I imagine they flip coins for who gets the middle name vs. first name.

Wizard Lenin wins the coin toss and we get: Mab Luthien Riddle

Mab at first is a plucky young girl but shifts into a moody teenager. Despite being powerful she’s well aware that she has two monolith reputations to live up to: Wizard Lenin and Lily’s. More, she clearly has a role for her to live out and fill and she wants some independence! This causes a lot of teen angst.

She goes from wearing very expensive wizarding robes to whatever the equivalent of hipster is in the distant future. I just stuck her in plaid with shades because I have no imagination. 

She gets sorted into Gryffindor, because anyone who’s willing to be a punk to Wizard Lenin has guts. This, of course, is terrible for everyone. However, especially for Wizard Lenin, because can you imagine him dealing with a teenage daughter?

Second, we have a son, who has the K-pop/Legolas/Sasuke pretty boy good looks that have fourteen year old girls scribbling hearts with their names together in notebooks and writing some seriously bad fanfiction.

Continuing on with the atrocious/nerd name theme we have: Mordred Beren Riddle

He’s a far more sensitive soul, to the point where everyone wonders how the hell he fits into this disaster family/came from two giant assholes. Regardless, he is, he tries his best to please his father and live up to expectations. So he keeps his fancy robes, cries thanks to Wizard Lenin’s mean words, and eventually gets sorted into Hufflepuff.

Thanks to his sensitive nature and good looks he’s the tween heart throb of Hogwarts. His sister is dying.

These are all hypothetical kids of course. If I ever were to write something involving Lily and Wizard Lenin’s kids, I’m not sure it’d be these two that show up (in fact I’m 99% sure it won’t be).

But I hope you guys had as much fun on this brain storming journey as I did.

As for that happy ending in the main story, well, I think it’s happy. Whether the rest of you will agree with me I’ll leave to the end of the story. Whenever we get there.

[alanna-artroid]

Cookies I Have From Cookie Run So Far! (And My Thoughts On Them)

Alright, I’ve gotten pretty far in Cookie Run: Oven Break, and I felt the need to share my thoughts on all the adorable cookies I’ve unlocked so far. So far, I have 50/100, so I’d say I’m making good progress. On to the list!

GingerBrave: The bravest boy. If this was a show, he’d clearly be the main character. I recently got him a little suit, so now he’s a gentleman! 

GingerBright: Sweet little lady. She looks like she’d be nice to get a coffee with or help you with homework. I definitely ship her with Brave, no doubt about it.

Strawberry Cookie: Precious baby! She’s super shy and I am compelled to protect her at all costs. Her pet is also a Tamagotchi, so she must be a gamer! Sweet!

Skater Cookie: HE WAS A SK8TER BOI! SHE SAID SEE YA LATER BOI! 

Zombie Cookie: This is one of the fastest zombies I’ve ever seen. They seem like a nice guy overall though.

Princess Cookie: Heck yes, a mischievous princess! Those are the best! I love her dress and hair bows. I bet she just pretends to get kidnapped for the lols.

Pilot Cookie: Is it just me, or is this little old man smaller than most of the other cookies? Whatever, he’s got a cute mustache and he’s adorable. Go and fly!

Vampire Cookie: As a vampire nerd, I immediately adored this guy. I will gladly give him grape juice and chill with him under the light of the moon. 

Gumball Cookie: Is this was Splatoon is like? This boi has a lot of chaotic energy and I like him.

Pistachio Cookie: I love this warrior woman so dang much. Look at that minty green hair! Her power is also SUPER helpful. She a speedy knight!

Pancake Cookie: HE’S A FLYING SQUIRREL! HE’S TOO CUTE I CAN’T EVEN! LET ME HUG THIS TINY CHILD!!!

Peppermint Cookie: Sweet baby. Good baby. My mom would probably adore this baby. (She loves mint and she’s not even a big sweets person.)

Muscle Cookie: As a lesbian, I’m not into big abs and muscles, but he’d probably be a good gym partner. Don’t mess with him is all I can say.

Cherry Cookie: Little Red Riding Hood got some bombs! I hope she and Gumball can go cause chaos on the weekends.

Hero Cookie: Precious nerdy boi with science! I saw his Island of Memories intro and his bond with Jellyco Cube is just the sweetest thing! Follow your superhero dreams, my baby!

Fairy Cookie: I didn’t know Tinkerbell was in this game! Also, I got her a bee costume and that looks super cute on her. Love her hair bun.

Werewolf Cookie: ULTIMATE FLOOF! Doggo here has a lot of angst and I worry for him. Maybe Vampire Cookie can teach him to chill? That’d be nice.

Rockstar Cookie: Oh, the songs I could sing right here. High tier rocker boy. Loving that flowing white hair. Rock on, buddy!

Soda Cookie: Go-to starter for my Breakout runs. I love him very much, he’s super cute! Let me go to the beach with this righteous dude! 

Dark Enchantress Cookie: Oooooh, she is GORGEOUS!!! I love her design~! I’ll be sure to invite her to any fancy balls I might have, as to avoid any Maleficent scenarios with this savage woman.

Moon Rabbit Cookie: My spirit animal! I love how she constantly munches while she runs. This girl is such a mood for me. Cute little bunny ears~!

Space Doughnut: Awww, look at this alien dork! Their design is very cute, and I love how their expression of >:3.

Macaron Cookie: Such a sweetie pie! Why must they all be so adorable?! She’s a little drummer girl! That is too precious! Look at her dress and hat!!!

Pink Choco Cookie: She reminds me of a show I watched when I was younger. It was about a space girl, does anyone remember it? This girl will save the day, I can tell! 

Avocado Cookie: Strong girl on the loose! My pun-loving friends would adore this cookie. And she’s a blacksmith, which is always cool.

Whipped Cream Cookie: Elegant ballerino!! He’s definitely one of my favorites! Such a beautiful boi~! I love his design so much, and he’s very useful. <3 <3 <3

Blackberry Cookie: Yeeees! Gothic girl for the win! She is SO dang pretty! I am WEAK for gothic lolitas, and she even has ghost buddies! I bet she’ll love spooky games like Luigi’s Mansion and Hollow Knight.

Lemon Cookie: Edgy boi is trying way too hard to be Shadow the Hedgehog. I mean, can you SMILE for once dude? It’ll take me a while to bond with this guy.

Salt Cookie: He strikes me as a wise old man you’d find meditating at the top of a mountain, or in his case on a boat in the ocean. I bet he has lots of knowledge to share.

Squid Ink Cookie: AWWWWW, SWEET BABY SQUID!!! Guys, I think they might be my favorite! They’re so squishy and mighty, and they need all my love and huggles!!! Don’t be sad baby, I’ll be your friend! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Lime Cookie: Beach girl! She’s like Lemon Cookie, but slightly nicer! I really like her hair and beach ball. Very cool girl.

Ninja Cookie: FINALLY! SOMEONE WITH MORE THAN TWO JUMPS!!! I went kind of crazy with his jumping powers at first. He’s super cool. Not sure why his pet is a ghost though.

Pomegranate Cookie: Oooh, I love Asian fashion~! Look how fancy and elegant she is! Her story concerns me, and I’m worried about her.

Angel Cookie: Good cookie, sweet cookie. Wouldn’t hurt a fly. It looks like they trust the devil boy, which is beyond kind of them. I love it when angels get along with demons. Defy angle roles!!!

Devil Cookie: Speaking of, they’re a cute little bean too! I love the naughty demon trope, and this cutie is so mischievous! Call Angel your “rival” all you want, I’m still shipping you dorks.

Roll Cake Cookie: Imagine, if you will, the world’s biggest game of Whack-A-Mole! With that hammer, this boy would win without question.

Popcorn Cookie: I’d be happy to go with this girl to the movie theater! Also, I love how she had popcorn for hair buns. She seems like she’d be up for a fun time!

Carrot Cookie: Oh my lordy, her ponytails are carrots. The artists for this game are so clever. Strong but tiny farmer, I approve.

Ion Cookie Robot: Yes! A robot! I love robots, and this cookie is no exception! Definitely one of my favorites, up there with Whipped Cream Cookie. They’re super powerful too, and REALLY useful in Breakout and Trophy runs.

Dino-Sour Cookie: Gee Dino-Sour, how come Devsisters let you have two pets? Very cool punk boy. I can see him going to Rockstar Cookie’s concert.

Plum Cookie: Aren’t plums purple though? This boy is one tough cookie! Look at his karate moves! Honestly, I thought he was a girl at first. Why must these boys be so pretty?!

Yogurt Cream Cookie: PRINCE ALI! FABULOUS HE! ALI ABABWUA~!

Alchemist Cookie: Look, it’s Twilight Sparkle! Apparently, Vampire boy is her brother? I really like her hair braids(?), I just wish she’d loosen up a bit. She seems like a nice girl.

Roguefort Cookie: Aaaah yeah, elegant thief! This cookie is the coolest! I love this aesthetic so much~! Blue cheese has never been so fancy. Just look at this charmer, stealing hearts!

Pitaya Dragon Cookie: OOOOOhohoho! THIS is what I’m TALKING about! Look at this beast, they’re GLORIOUS! They’ve probably killed a bunch of people, but They’re crazy powerful and I adore them.

Knight Cookie: This guy is SO much fun to play as! He just won’t stop, he’s too fast!!! I couldn’t stop laughing once I found out just how fast this knight could go! Somehow he controls better than Pistachio? I don’t know, I love him!

Birthday Cake Cookie: TOO PRECIOUS FOR WORDS! SHE’S SO DANG CUTE!!! Also, her “Bonus Time” changes to “Happy B Day” and I... I just can’t! She’s the sweetest thing!!! <3 <3 <3

Cocoa Cookie: Awww, look at this sweet baby! I wanna snuggle her! Her design looks so warm and comfy. I have plenty of hot chocolate to give her. <3

Raspberry Mousse Cookie: Ah yes, the pretty boy that got me into this game in the first place. Along with Squid Ink, he’s probably my favorite. There’s a reason he has the highest affection so far with me. I just adore his design, and he’s very powerful! I will ALWAYS have him ready for Breakout and Trophy Runs. Well worth all the hype. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Rose Cookie: Finally, we have this lovely lady. Everyone is shipping her with Raspberry, and rightfully so. She is a high-quality woman that makes gay men straight and straight girls lesbian. Look at that outfit! And those dance moves!

Aaaand that’s everybody for now! I’ll update this once I get more Cookies. So far, I like most of them a lot. Anybody got some favorites they’d like to share? I’m still new to this game, but I’m happy to hear what others have to say!

UPDATE 1: 

I went back and fixed all the gender mistakes I made. (I’m so sorry! D:) Also, I got a few more cookies! So here we go!

Walnut Cookie: Precious detective baby! The newest update is only making her cuter! Probably the shortest of the bunch, and I adore her design~! <3

Cinnamon Cookie: Super useful power so far, and they have a really cool cape! Those cards are very handy! (I promise I’ll pay attention to the genders of these cookies from now on! I don’t want to misgender anyone again!)

Sparkling Cookie: Oooh, a sparkling cider cookie! That’s honestly the only boozy thing I enjoy drinking. He is super classy and seems like the life of the party. He strikes me as a Great Gatsby kind of host.

Moonlight Cookie: OOOOOOOH~! LOOK at this GODDESS! I love the nighttime/dreamy aesthetic. This girl has Luna’s hair and a wizard’s outfit, high tier cookie!

White Choco Cookie: This game sure likes it’s knights, huh? This girl is a fine lady and apparently, she attracts all the lesbians. Can’t say I blame those girls, I do love that hairstyle. 

Spinach Cookie: Aaand the newest cookie to hit the scene, this girl! I have never met someone so dedicated to vegetables, so I have to applaud that. She’s a super sweet girl, and I hope we find who stole her precious vegetables!!!

UPDATE 2:

More Cookies! It’s been a while since I’ve updated this, so I have quite a bit to share. On to the new ones!

Mustard Cookie: Look at this punk girl! Street artist on the loose in the streets! I always admire people and characters in this style, so I’m supporting this rebel all the way!

Herb Cookie: Now THIS guy is everywhere! It seems the fandom really likes him, and I can see why. He seems like a very nice boy, with a sweet plant baby. I like the leaf hair, very cool.

Sea Fairy Cookie: I love how everything on her flows. Her hair, her dress, she’s so beautiful~! I will say though, Legendaries are SO DANG HARD to level up and get affection with! WHY?!

Cream Puff Cookie: Awwww, look at this precious baby girl~! Look at her soft hair and little dress! I almost feel bad running with the super cute ones, I don’t want them to get hurt! 

Matcha Cookie: Oooooh, all these ancient-looking cookies have the coolest designs! She’s probably insane, darkness will do that to ya, but she seems harmless so I like her!

Ice Candy Cookie: This chick could crush me like a grape and I don’t know how to feel about that. Hopefully, she’s only savage on the ice rink. I do NOT want to mess with this girl.

Cherry Blossom Cookie: Awww, look how pretty she is~! Cherry blossoms are always so lovely, and this girl embodies that. She has a PARASOL for crying out loud, I CAN’T EVEN!!

Grapefruit Cookie: This game sure likes sports, huh? She seems really cool, I love her colors! Do you think she’d play Skate 3? Hopefully, she’d get a laugh out of that game.

Pirate Cookie: This guy has been a long time coming. I’ve been curious about him since the Breakout episode. He’s pretty neat, I appreciate how he naturally comes with an extra revive.

Kumiho Cookie: Cool! A Kitsune! I love the spin on the concept of cookies. Let this marshmallow fox live out her reverse-furry dream! I’m loving her design too, look at that hair! 

Marshmallow Cookie: Oh cute! Another marching band cookie! According to her story, she and Macaron had a falling out. I hope they can reconcile and be friends again. :(

Dark Choco Cookie: WE’VE REACHED MAXIMUM EDGE! WITH OREO SHOULDER PADS!!! Interesting how he’s still trying to be a hero, which is a nice spin on the “I have evil powers so now I’m evil” trope. Here’s hoping he stays strong.

Fire Spirit Cookie: Ah yes, the classic lord of fire. A staple for any fantasy story that includes the elements. Again, it’s impossible to get the affection for these guys.

Mala Sauce Cookie: Yay! I got Pitaya’s girlfriend! I always love it when there’s a tribe/society of warriors and the WOMAN is the strongest one there. Heck yes! This warrior lady is a badass!

Firecracker Cookie: I didn’t know I was invited to a rave party! Love the neon colors on this cookie, that’s something this game really excels at.

UPDATE 3:

I’ve reached 90 cookies! I’m on the homestretch!!!

Cheesecake Cookie: OH MY LORDY LOOK HOW FANCY SHE IS! I adore her already! Fancy ladies are the best ladies!

Kiwi Cookie: This game REALLY likes sports. He looks cool, can’t complain.

Yoga Cookie: Awww, a pretzel is trying to be loose! I’ve done yoga a few times, and it is very good for your body. Nice colors, simple design, nice.

Dr. Wasabi Cookie: I’d reference some mad scientist, but I know a lot of them so we’d be here for a while. Her combi generator has been very helpful.

Tiger Lily Cookie: IT’S THE EYE OF THE TIGER IT’S THE THRILL OF THE NIGHT, RISING UP TO THE CHALLENGE OF OUR RIVALS!

Chili Pepper Cookie: Uh oh, this one’s a troublemaker! I really like her hair, it’s very bright. Secure your pockets around this chick, that’s for sure.

Millennial Tree Cookie: These cookies are too pretty, I keep thinking they’re girls! This guy is so beautiful~ truly a being of nature!

DJ Cookie: Ooooh, I love her design~. Rainbow colors will win me over every time. And look! She’s wearing a Bi Pride shirt! This girl is awesome! I like how her special power is basically tiny Guitar Hero.

Snow Sugar Cookie: Soft baby, sweet baby. Looks very cuddly. Their level was very helpful during Sandwich Cookie’s event in getting frozen jellies. Those blue bears aren’t easy to come by!

Fig Cookie: CENTAUR! I wasn’t expecting one of those here! She’s such a sweetie pie~. Since everything and anything is allowed in this game, can we get mermaids or harpies next?

Cotton Candy Cookie: PRECIOUS BABY! She’s so gosh darn cute, I can’t take it! I personally can relate to falling in love with things so easily. And there are official plushies of her now! ONE DAY I WILL BRING HER HOME!

Purple Yam Cookie: Bro needs a chill pill. Not ONCE have I seen this guy smile yet. And I thought Lemon needed to lighten up. Milk seems to care about him though, so I guess he can’t be that bad.

Milk Cookie: The softest of warriors! Look how cute he is~! I adore him! Plus he really shines in the stories. I can only assume Yam is his boyfriend or something. Am I wrong about that?

Cyborg Cookie: Hey! I saw the storybook for this one! I’m surprised I haven’t unlocked this “Aloe Cookie” yet. Are they still in this game? I can’t find them on the chart. Anyway, Cyborg is cool. Very nice design.

Mango Cookie: Newest baby! I love him, and would love to learn all about the islands from him! I’m gonna say it, I already ship him with Ananas Cookie, no questions asked.

[midnigtartist]

6. The super long kiss that wasn’t intended

He knows he should be watching the treeline. Sat beside Nott at the front of the cart, Molly knows that he ought to be scanning the tree line for any potential threats to their merry band as they weave their way through the valley. But he just can’t seem to get himself to focus on the slow passing trees as Nein marches southward. His gaze keeps slipping from the road, as he glanced over his shoulder at the wizard curled up in the back of the cart.

As to be expected, he’s got a book propped up in his lap. One of the spellbook he keeps strapped to his side, Molly notes, as he carefully and meticulously sifts through their recent spoils. The faint hum of arcane energy hangs in the air around him. It pricks at the back of Molly’s neck, making the hair there stand on edge and that’s why he’s been so distracted, and certainly not because Caleb looks so darling and content with his task, a small smile curling at the corner of his lips.

No, Molly thinks wryly to himself, it’s certainly nothing to do with that. Not at all.

He swings his legs over the side of the cart bench, earning and disgruntled yelp from Nott as she’s jostled by the movement. Molly ignores this, instead watching Caleb’s, dare he says, giddy smile as the pearl clasped tight in his hand dulls, and he picks up the bracelet he’s been inspecting. Sliding off the bench, Mollymauk seats himself cross legged at the perimeter of Caleb’s pile of spoils, resting his cheek to his fist.

“Anything interesting?”

Caleb starters, but only a little, his head jolting up and eyes blinking as he takes in the new addition to his ring of shiny things. Molly offers him a curling, close mouth smile in lue of a proper greeting.

Caleb nods, pulling at his beard. “Ja, this-” he gestured vaguely over the lot of stuff, a crooked grin on his face. “This ist gut. There is a lot a usefully things here.”

“Almost finished then?” Molly asks.

“Oh yah, I just have to look over these rings for Jester, you know, and then that will be all of it but ahhhh- you have come over here? Is- is there something you need?” the thrill the magic gives him, seems to bear wearing off and Molly can see Caleb slowly receding back into his shell. And that simply won’t do.

He shrugs “Not particularly. This is fascinating, by the way.”

Caleb lowers his gaze to his spellbook. He twiddles and twists the pearl between his fingers and Molly tracks the movement because that’s fascinating too. Caleb’s long fingers rolling the small bead between them is truly something and he can feel the slight flush crawling up his neck.

“You have seen me identify objects before,,,” Caleb mutters.

“And I find it thrilling every time!” he says. He leans forward so his elbows are pressed into his knees. “I think it’s just wonderful, that. How you can learn all of that stuff just from looking at it for a few minutes. It’s very impressive!”

Caleb shrugs, but Molly spies a phantom of a smile touching the corner of his mouth and he finds himself beaming all the wider for it.

“Well you know, there is a bit more to it then that but it is ahhh,, nerd shit.”

“What I’ve learned from traveling with the lot of you terrible people is that nerd shit tends to be the shit that keeps us alive. It’s very useful shit. Don’t sell your shit short Caleb, it’s very good shit! Quality, even.” he says. Somewhere to the right of him, he can hear Jester cackling. He keeps his eyes and his smile trained on Caleb, who’s actually turned a bit to face him.

“Ha ha.” it’s not a laugh, not really. It more just the noise, but it’s so endearing that Molly’s insides squirm with delight at the sound. “I suppose you are right- about that at least.”

“You’d be surprised by how much I’m right about, actually.” Molly says.

This time Caleb does laugh, even if all it is a huff of air. “Mister Mollymauk.”

“Mister Caleb”

The pearl rolls between his thumb and forefinger. “Would you like learn a magic trick? I, you know, I have tried teaching Jester before, and umm, Beauregard but, they don’t, well, they really do not have the patience for this sort of thing.”

He cocks his head to the side. “And you think I do?”

“I have seen you mend your coat.” Caleb says, actually leveling his clear blue gaze on Molly, effectively pinning him in place. “That embroidery is your handy work, hmm? Something like that takes a lot of time.”

Molly draws back so that he’s sitting up straight. “Well as flattering as it is to know you keep eye on me.” Caleb flushes. “-I don’t think I’m quite clever enough to do what it is you do dear.”

Magic, at least, the magic Caleb does, seems to require a lot of reading, and reading has never really agreed with Mollymauk Tealeaf. It makes his eyes hurt and his whole brain revolt against him, can even give him a terrible headache if he forces himself to work at it for too long.

Caleb’s brows draw together, forming deep creases between his eyes. “It is not that hard.” he says.

Molly flashes him a tight smile. “Yes, but I’m not that smart.”

The wizard shuts his spellbook with a forceful snap that makes Molly’s tail jump and curl up behind him. “Come here, Mollymauk.” Caleb says, commands really, Molly thinks with a shiver. “I will not force you, if you do not wish, but do not withhold just because you think that you might not be clever enough. I will be the judge of that.”

“Well when you put it so nicely,,,” Molly says, praying to the Weaver that he sound relatively unaffected by whatever that was. He slides over so that he’s sitting next to Caleb, instead of across from him. “So, what will I be learning then?”

Caleb hesitates, but only for a moment before he opens his book back up, and shuffles over so that Molly can see the pages, balancing it on his knee.

“Something simple, I think.”

“Oh goody.”

Even the creak of the branches in the wind sounds ominous, which Molly thinks is rather ridiculous and painfully cliche. His blade, glowing with a warm, white light, is wrapped up in the tails of his coat to dull it’s radiance as Molly creeps along low in the brush. The Nein had decided, against Molly’s better judgement, decided to travel a few hours past sunset.

“The next town isn’t that far, guys.” Jester had told them, brandishing the map with the same ferocity with which she handles her sickle. “We’ve been on the road for daaaaaaaaaaays and my feet are getting all tired and gross from walking so much and I just want to sleep in a bed and not in the grass and wake up with like, bugs in my hair and stuff.”

So they’d marched on, and now they’re paying the price because not only is it a good couple of hour past sunset, but they’d been assaulted by some ruffians. Taking advantage of the exhausted state of the party, they’d managed to stop them, rob them, and make off with Jester’s haversack of holding. With so much of their valuable shit in that bag, they’d decided to give chase, and had gotten spread pretty thin in the processes. Which, isn’t such a bad thing, Molly’d been able to pick off a few of the bandits, spread thin themselves, quickly and quietly. But he’s worried about everyone else. If they were unlucky enough to run into more of the bastards then they could handle alone, with Jester possible very, very far away. That could make things a bit more sticky.

Of course, they’re all pretty capable, decently strong. And yet,,, Molly’s worried about some, specifically squishy members of their party.

He’ll- they’ll be fine.

He marches on deeper into the woods.

A bit of time later, the sound of muffled voices hit Molly’s ears. Not long after does he spy the flicker of firelight through the leaves, painting speckled shadows along forest floor.

Molly pauses a moment, tucking himself against a rotting old tree trunk. Peeking over the top of it he can just barely make out a group of darkened figured, hooting and hollering like idiots around a makeshift camp. Why do petty thieves always do that? Make a whole fucking ton of noise that gives away their position. Every single band of thieves he’s ever run into does it. It’s just not smart. Though, if they were smart enough to understand that they probably wouldn’t be out here robbing well seasoned mercenary groups, he thinks. He counts the shadows, or at least he tries to. The back lighting from the fire is fucking up his night vision but he thinks he sees four or five distinct individuals. Too many to take out alone.

Reaching into his pocket with his free hand, he pulls out a little piece of wire. Its difficult, harder with only one hand, but he manages to wrap the bit of copper around his finger and brings it up to his lips. He points out into the woods in the general direction he thinks he saw people running. “Found a group of them. Looks like five maybe? North. Just past that one rock that looks remarkably like a penis. Oh ! and you can reply to this message” he whispers into his fist.

Molly does this eight more time, hoping that if he casts a wide enough net he’ll be able to get in touch with at least some of the Nein. Between not knowing exactly where everyone is and the, frankly concerning, fizzle of the spell against his lips he not sure how many of them got the message. On the fourth time, he hears Jester’s cackling rattling around in his skull. It’s a horrible bizarre feeling that makes his skin tingle,and not even in the fun way.  On the sixth one he hears Beau’s exasperated “real fucking mature, man” and has to stifle a chuckle. On the last one, it’s Caleb’s voice ringing around in his skull.

“I see the rock you are talking about. oh- ja it does look like a dick.” He says. “I am making my way over to you now.”

Molly waits, one eye on the trees around him, one on the group of bandits, watching for any strange movement. Maybe one of them will come over here to take a piss. He could take them out nice and quite, and that would be one less shit head to deal with.

The bushes to his right rustle and Molly tightens his grip on his sword. Caleb comes sprinting out of the underbrush towards him, crouched low to the ground to avoid being spotted. Molly can’t even even get a word of greeting out before Caleb is suddenly upon him, hands reaching to curl around the lapel of his coat.

The wizard is positively beaming at him, his face cracked with a wide smile Molly has only ever seen him give Nott. His eyes are practically glowing, wide and excited and full of pride. He’s on Molly in an instant huddled against the rotten log alongside him and Molly is stunned.

“You cast message!” Caleb says, barely able to keep his voice to a stage whisper for the excitement. His hands come up, cupping Molly’s face between them and immediately the teifling feels himself start to color. Thumbs rub over his cheeks, Caleb squishing his face between his calloused palms “You cast the spell, you did the thing that I showed you! Oh! I am so proud! I am so proud of you! You are brilliant Mollymauk. I could kiss you!”

Well, that makes Molly’s heart do all sorts of ill advised and complicated gymnastics in his chest.

He puts a shaking hand on Caleb’s knee. “Don’t say thing you don’t intent to follow through on, Mister Caleb.”

Brain seeming to have caught up with his mouth, Caleb pales, then flushes a deep scarlet. His hand stay cupped around Molly’s cheeks, though they do lessen they’re squeezing a bit. His gaze falls past Molly’s right shoulder. “I ahh- right. I was- well I got a little excited I suppose,,,”

“Happens to the best of us.” he gives Caleb leg a friendly jiggle “Your secret’s safe with me”

Caleb chuckles.

They don’t move. They’re still dreadfully, painfully close. Annoyingly, not close enough. He watches as Caleb’s gaze flickers back over to his face. Watches the way his sharp, ever curious blue eyes trace the curve of his palm where it’s pressed into Molly cheek, all the way down to the corner of his mouth. He leans in.

The center of gravity suddenly shifts and Mollymauk Tealeaf finds himself crashing against Caleb’s warm mouth. Its quick, but it’s everything.

Caleb presses his lips firmly to Mollymauk’s for a brief moment, pulling him in with the fingers still curved around his jaw. Molly gasps, fingers tightening around the fabric of Caleb’s pant leg. He lets his eyes flutter shut. And then the warmth is gone and Molly opens his eyes to see the wizard staring at him, wide eyed and flushed. Still his hands don’t move from Molly’s face.

“I should not have done that. I-”

Molly brings his other hand up to the back of Caleb’s neck and pulls him forward. Their lips meet again and Molly can taste the crackle of arcane power that lingers on them. It shoots a thrill down his spine. The hand on Caleb’s knee tangles into the coarse fur lining of his coat and Molly sigh, deep and wanting against the other man’s mouth.

To his glorious surprise, Caleb responds in kind. His hands begin to move, one sliding down his face to rest at the juncture of his neck and shoulder, those long, scholarly fingers spanning across his throat, making Molly shiver. The other tangles into the short curls at the back of his neck, drawing Molly even closer.

Molly breaths through the kiss, eyes shut tight as he focuses on the feeling. Of dry and ragged ruined lips against his own. On the slight scratch of stubble against his chin and the rough pads of Caleb’s fingers on his skin. He feels exactly like he looks, coarse and rough around the edges. Nothing like the soft, sweet smelling hired company that Molly’s used to. He finds he likes this much better. The earthy smell that clings to weather battered skin, mixed in with faint hints of whatever spell components line Caleb’s pockets. Licorice and molasses.

Caleb sighs against him, tilting his head for a better angle.  Molly puts all other thoughts out of his head. Forgets about the bandits at his back, and his friends stomping through the underbrush. Even forgets about their stole bag of good. He put his facilities to better use, memorizing the shape and heat of Caleb’s lips against his own

Molly parts his lips and prods at Caleb’s lower lip with the twin prongs of his forked tongue, makes a soft sound of pleasure as Caleb’s fingers tighten in his hair. Caleb jumps under his hands, pulling away. He desperately wants to follow, but Molly let him go, keeping fingers folded against the lapels of his coat, half  to keep himself grounded, half to keep Caleb from bolting before he can find his voice again.

“Don’t you dare apologize for that.” He crooks out after a moment.

Caleb stares at him with blown out blue eyes. He swallows, runs a hand across his jaw. His fingers linger against his lips. “Ja- okay,,, That was ahhh-”

“That was good.” Molly assures him, stroking fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

Caleb nods, looking a little unsure. “Gut, ja. You know, uhh maybe we should- should, you know- maybe we could do that again, sometime. But I think we should probably take care of those bandits first.”

A smile splits Molly’s face. “Think we can take them, just the two of us?

“No.” Caleb hands come back around to cup his cheeks, then slip down, coming  to rest against the front of Molly’s coat “We are pretty tough, but you said that there were at least five of them. I do not want us taking any unnecessary risks.” he starts fidgeting with Molly’s coat, adjusting it on his shoulder and smoothing out the silk with his hands. “Clever boy.” Molly says, fondness laced into his words.

Caleb doesn’t meet his gaze, but he does smile.

The sound of twigs snapping catch their attention and moments later Beau comes slinking out of the bushes, a new bruise swelling up over her eye. Caleb hands fall away. Molly keeps fingers pressed lightly against the side of his knee.

“That’s a good look on you.” he says, once Beau is close enough.

“Thanks asshole.” Beau wedges her way between the two of them, elbowing Molly in the stomach as she does.  

He whizzes out a pained laugh.

[squishykpoptummies]

A Magical Halloween

a/n: i literally meant to have this up over a fucking week ago oops but like. better late than never?? (there’s so much dialogue and plot unrelated to kink i’m sorry.) so this is a harry potter au because i’m a fucking nerd and i feel like there’s so much untapped potential there for shit like this. i have a bunch of headcanons, as well as where i think everyone is sorted, so let me know if you’d like to see them? (also i don’t have anyone using honorifics bc they’re in england lol)

--

“It sucks that we don’t celebrate Halloween properly here.”

Ten was sprawled out on one of the squishy couches in the Hufflepuff common room, head in Taeyong’s lap as the older absentmindedly played with Ten’s hair. Though the common room was mostly empty, the few Hufflepuffs there were giving the two a wide berth, still not quite accepting of having a Slytherin in their living space, despite Ten being a consistent fixture for the past three years and proving himself to be (relatively) harmless.

“You say that every year,” Taeyong replied.

“Because it’s the same every year,” Ten whined. “Just some fucking pumpkins and a feast. Trick-or-treating is the best part of Halloween, and you’ve all just fucking done away with it!”

“Most Wizards find trick-or-treating offensive. Your family was a rare case. Also if you keep cursing we’re going to get kicked out.”

Ten hummed. “Halloween is my mum’s favourite holiday.” She’d insisted on taking Ten and his sister trick-or-treating every year until he went to Hogwarts, regardless of if her Wizard husband liked it or not.

“I didn’t know that.”

“It’s my favourite holiday, too.”

“That I knew.”

“Do you think we can institute trick-or-treating this year, Mr. Prefect?”

“Did you miss the part where I said it’s offensive?”

“No, I heard you, I just chose not to listen.”

Taeyong sighed, but smiled fondly. “As soon as we graduate, I promise we’ll go trick-or-treating.”

Ten huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. He looked up at Taeyong, large eyes gazing back. “Wanna know the best part about trick-or-treating?” Ten asked lowly, voice taking on a teasing lilt.

“Sure.”

“Stuffing myself silly with all the candy I get.”

Taeyong flushed pink.

Ten sighed as he sat up, stretching his arms over his head and making sure that his jumper rode up, just a bit, just enough to reveal a sliver of his soft tummy. “Shame we have to wait three years to be able to do that.”

“What if,” Taeyong wet his lips, “what if we start this year?”

“What are you implying?”

“Honeyduke’s had candy.”

--

It was frustratingly easy to sneak into Hogsmeade and back. (“Did you want to get caught?” “Yuta just always made it sound so thrilling, and it wasn’t!” “You do realise he probably makes up most of those stories.” “Fuck off.”)

Smelling of sugar and the butterbeer they stopped into the Three Broomsticks for, they made their way back to the Hufflepuff dorms, bulging bags of Honeyduke’s candy hidden under heavy winter cloaks.

Ten spred out their haul on Taeyong’s bed when they got to his room, Taeyong hanging one of his ties on the door handle before closing it.

“We gonna finish this all today?” Ten asked, separating the chocolate frogs from the peppermint toads.

“If you want,” Taeyong shrugged, sitting on the bed next to Ten and helping with the sorting.

“I want.”

--

Ten did, in fact, finish all the candy (save for a still mostly full box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Bean that Ten refused to touch after claiming to have gotten a foot-flavoured one) in little under an hour, Taeyong hand-feeding him each piece, followed by making out, sucking Ten off, palming himself through his trousers, leaving them both red and disheveled and panting.

“We should get ready for the feast soon,” Taeyong said a while later.

“You can’t be serious,” Ten groaned.

“Don’t forget that I haven’t eaten yet,” Taeyong said, untangling himself from Ten and starting to vanish the piles of wrappers strewn across the bed and surrounding floor.

“You go then. We wouldn’t be able to sit with each other, anyway. And Doyoung’s gonna make fun of me.”

“Why would he make fun of you?”

“Because it’s pretty obvious that I just ate my weight in candy.” Ten gestured to his stomach, sticking out a good few centimetres even laying down, barely contained by his jumper.

“I think it might be the biggest we’ve ever done…” Taeyong mused, heat pooling in the pit of his stomach, which he tried to will away for now because they really didn’t have time for another round right now.

Ten ran an appraising hand over the curve of it. “Mmm, I’m not sure. I think it’s been bigger.”

Taeyong’s hand joined Ten’s, feeling over the soft skin stretched around the mass of food. He pressed down lightly, and Ten groaned, but it was his ‘I’m really turned on’ groan rather than his ‘I’m in pain’ one. “I think you can eat more,” Taeyong said softly.

“I think you might be right.

--

The Great Hall was in chaos when they arrived, everyone still scrambling to find seats next to their friends, and Taeyong immediately rushed off to the Hufflepuff table to try to contain it. Ten scanned the room until he saw his group of friends at the Slytherin table, Doyoung, sporting bright purple hair that definitely hadn’t been that colour this morning, waving him over. He self-consciously adjusted his robes, and squeezed himself between Doyoung and Jaemin, a third-year that Doyoung had recently adopted.

“The hell did you do to your hair?” Ten asked as he sat down, breath immediately knocked out of him as his trousers cut harshly into the sensitive skin of his belly.

“Jaemin just learnt Colour-Changing Charms.”

“You look like a grape.”

“Thanks.”

“Can I practise on you, too, Ten?” Jaemin asked from his other side.

“Maybe later. I’d look pretty good with aqua, don’t you think?”

Jaemin’s eyes sparkled. “Ooh, yeah, you’d look wicked cool! What if—“

Jaemin was cut off when the numerous dishes in front of them suddenly filled with food, conversation forgotten as the younger boy hurried to fill his plate before all the good stuff was gone.

Ten surveyed the array. Was he hungry? No, not in the slightest. Was he still going to eat? He looked up and met Taeyong’s eyes from across the Hall, flushed cheeks apparent even from this far away. He smirked. He was going to give his boyfriend a good show.

He dug in eagerly, food rich and settling heavy in his stomach, yet taking seconds and thirds because Hogwarts food was honestly irresistible, Taeyong’s gaze burning him all throughout. But, he needed to keep it subtle, God-forbid anyone catch on (though he had to admit that thought sent a thrill of arousal through him).

But Ten was about to explode. And pudding hadn’t even been served yet! He rested his chin in his palm and absentmindedly mashed his fork into his second helping of potatoes. He could still probably eat a bit more, but it’d be a gamble, with the potential of turning painful. Maybe if he unbuttoned his trousers…

“What’d those potatoes ever do to you?” Doyoung broke him out of his reverie.

“They reminded me of your face. That was a terrible retort, sorry, if you give me a minute I’ll think of a better one.”

Doyoung rolled his eyes.

“You need to step up your game, man,” Donghyuck, another third year and one of Doyoung’s children, interjected.

“And you need to stop eavesdropping,” Doyoung said, flicking Donghyuck’s forehead.

“Excuse you, I was having a perfectly civilised conversation with Nana over here.”

“That still doesn’t explain why you’re butting in.”

“Every time you call him ‘Nana’ it makes me think of my grandmother.”

“Who asked you?”

“Your mum.”

“That was terrible.”

“Your mum was terrible.”

“Would you stop with the ‘your mum’ jokes? They don’t even make sense.”

“You’re just too old to understand.”

“I’m going to fucking kill you, Hyuck.”

“I’d like to see you try, old man.”

“I hate you all.”

“Look, pudding, now stop fucking bickering.”

Never a dull moment at the Slytherin table. Ten shook his head fondly, and scooped a bit of pie and ice cream onto his now cleared plate.

“You’re having more?”

Ten felt his cheeks colouring. “No, I just filled up my plate to stare at it- yes I’m eating more, I’m fucking allowed.”

Doyoung tsked. “You’re gonna get fat,” Doyoung said through a mouthful of his own ice cream.

Even more heat went to Ten’s face, blood rushing down to his dick. Now was not the time to get hard, damnit. He shrugged, and took a bite.

Ten only managed the one slice of pie, but he was able to eat several scoops of the ice cream, going down easily and leaving him panting slightly. As casually as he could, he felt down orb of his stomach, tight and hot and hard, waistband of his trousers suffocating and straining against his girth. Fuck, his button was going to pop. He was going to have to undo it. Seeing that his tablemates were deep in conversation, he fumbled with the button, growing increasingly frustrated when it wasn’t coming undone.

“What are you doing?”

Ten’s head shot up to meet Jaemin’s questioning stare. “Nothing,” he said, too quickly.

“Damn, you really ate a lot,” Jaemin jabbed a curious finger into Ten’s stomach.

“Ow, quit it.”

“Why’d you do it?”

“Why’d I do what?”

“Eat so much, especially since you already seemed pretty full when you got here.”

“Nothing gets past you, does it, Jaeminnie?”

“Nope. Can I do your hair now?”

Ten sighed. “Why not.”

“Colovaria.”

It felt like his hair got shocked with static, though it still lay straight when he ran his hand through it. “How do I look?”

“Huh.” Jaemin pursed his lips.

Ten sighed again. “What did you do?”

“Well, it’s not quite the colour we were going for.”

“I figured. What is it.”

“Red.”

Ten slumped in his seat, burying his head in his arms. “Whatever,” he mumbled. “I look good in anything, anyway.” He was starting to slip into a food coma, and he wished more than anything that he was in bed getting well-deserved belly rubs from his boyfriend.

An indeterminate time later, Doyoung was patting his shoulder and saying, “Get up.”

Ten groaned, and did not get up.

“Your hair looks stupid.”

He groaned again.

“Taeyong, come collect your boyfriend!” Doyoung called out. “I think he died. See you later, then,” he said to Ten before walking off.

“I think he ate too much,” he heard Jaemin say quietly to, presumably, Taeyong.

“I’ll take care of him,” Taeyong softly replied. “Thank you, Jaeminnie.” Ten felt Taeyong slip into the seat next to him. “I like your hair,” the older boy said, brushing his hand through it.

“Third years learnt Colour-Changing Charms.”

Taeyong hummed. “It looks nice. Jaemin did a good job.”

“I asked for aqua.”

“Well, he still managed to turn it.”

“You Hufflepuffs are too nice.”

Taeyong ruffled his hair. “Let’s get you to bed, shall we?”

Ten nodded, leaning into Taeyong’s side. “I’d ask you to carry me, but you have the upper body strength of a noodle.”

“Hey!”

“I’m getting too fat to be carried, anyway.”

“Hey,” Taeyong lifted Ten’s chin, eyes meeting each other’s. “You’re beautiful.” Taeyong gave him a soft peck on the lips. “At any weight.”

“You literally say that multiple times a day.”

“Doesn’t make it any less true.”

“I believe you, I believe you, now can we please go back to your dorm? I’m so fucking full and I’m really turned on right now.”

So Taeyong helped Ten to his feet and helped him waddle his way to the Hufflepuff dorms because there was no way he was going back to Slytherin like this.

Ten collapsed onto Taeyong’s four-poster bed in his blessedly empty room, Taeyong hopping on soon after and closing the curtains around them. “I don’t know how long we’re going to have alone,” Taeyong explained.

Ten nodded, not really paying him much attention as he struggled with his trousers button once again.

“Need any help there?” Taeyong asked.

“No, no, I got it.” He tried to suck in his gut, which was simultaneously agony and erotic, but it still did not budge. Fuck this stupid button, honestly. “Do you remember the cutting charm?”

“We are not going to destroy your trousers just because you’re too stubborn to let me help!”

“They’re my trousers; I can cut them up if I want to!”

“You’re ridiculous.” Taeyong swatted Ten’s hands away and deftly undid the button. “See? Was that so hard?”

Ten breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, babe.”

He watched over the dome of his stomach as Taeyong traced the angry red indents the trousers had left behind. “We should try to pop the button off next time,” the older boy mused.

“I thought you said I wasn’t allowed to destroy my clothes,” Ten teased.

“D-different circumstances.” Taeyong’s blush was high on his cheeks as he continued to explore the expanse of Ten’s overfilled tummy. “You’re so hot like this. If I knew my roommates wouldn’t be back soon I’d totally ask you to fuck me.”

“And normally I’d be totally down for that, but if I were to move that much I might actually explode. Could you settle for cuddles instead?”

Taeyong gave an exaggerated sigh. “I suppose.” And then he flopped down next to Ten, pushing the younger boy over to make room. His hand found Ten’s stomach again, pulling Ten’s shirt up to his chest for better access.

Ten melted into the touch, nuzzling his head into Taeyong’s shoulder. “This was fun,” he said. “Let’s do it again next year.”

“Y’know…” Taeyong met his eyes, gaze warm and sparkling. “I think I just might have a new favourite holiday.”

[shy-magpie]

RQG 146

[Author’s note: Sorry about the long break! I caught a bug and haven’t been able to edit for love or money. I have been writing the live blogs as the episodes come out but I suspect I will have to edit the stuffing out of them to get something that is both coherent and not twice as long as the show. Also I’m going to try to remember to toss a cut at the top of these things so it doesn’t take up so much of the dash etc.]

I love when they go auctioneer because they want to get to the content faster. Ooh reminder that the party have slightly conflicting goals. I almost spaced that Zolf's priority is the info to save the world while Cel is more narrowly focused on taking out the threat to their village. 

Final bets on whether: 1) the timelines are simultaneous 2) its the same room 3) who(or what) is in the chair ~Hamid time~ Another stealth check and I think Alex rolled something secret. I love these nerds, I don't think they even noticed they slipped into the more precise language of math to describe the place, always makes me feel trusted when people don't hide that kind of thing. Bulk head doors are a good sign. Alex might be trying to build up to it but Bryn wants to get a description of the figure in the chair as badly as we do if not more. Full blank-masked male, cables from the chair to the organ. Ben, sweetie, we aren't going to shoot-first-ask-questions-later, or even take that as your serious suggestion moments after you reminded us Zolf is aiming for capture. "Could be another one of the dead bodies" Pardon me while I glitch on the idea that it being another member of the doomed party is the only thing that I can't recall being proposed over the last week. Am I forgetting or did Figgis actually come up as a suggestion but not that? Alex adds a ladder, to save Hamid one of his last spells "Tension, tension, tension" I can't parse how many of them are chanting but who ever that is, know I adore you. I should be vibrating from stress and instead I'm grinning like a fool. Thats my boy! Hamid's spell slots might be running scary low but his mind is sharp as ever, he remembers his potions! Oh dangerous game, but the extra time invisible as he gets closer sounds worth it. Picked up a few things from Sasha. "Think" Alex is actively trolling. The lights are bad? You choose to do that, Alex, put away the "victim of circumstances" tone. Oh the organ! I needed a better description of that. Lydia might be the only one who loves this description more than me. A pipe organ that makes potions instead of music? Bryn has heard of one where each key is an alchemical symbol. I might need to hunt down art for that if its a known pathfinder thing. Hamid recognizes it but is the wrong school to understand this, both by training as a wizard and as sorcerer. The pipes are actually full of various fluids and powders. Yes Cel needs to see this. Thank you Helen! How much money has he spent on this? Where is he getting the money? I need that clipped! (tension chant evolved) Oh hell of a bet Hamid Sasha would be proud. The table is so proud of him. FTR I think that was Ben not Bryn saying "I stroke his cheek", because Bryn wouldn't risk Alex making that joke canon and using it to hurt Hamid. (naturally there was such no risk if Ben made that joke) Cable to the back of the neck, in clerical robes (crap I remember a “Shoin the healer painting”(?) but I thought he was an alchemist? Is this an assistant? Mini boss? Or is he multi classing), a party mask? Back to that theme. Its a prop corpse and its not the same room, I'm going to scream. Hamid don't you dare! Dollars to donuts its going to stand up and be some kind of creepy corpse robot Hamid waves Skraak in Speaker time, Shoin sounds worse maybe off script. ~~party time~~ Oh Cel has to lose most of the beast voice. Never mind! Smaller pencils acquired! I love this description even better the second time around. Oh bless Lydia for giving the fuller description. 55 HP! 14 Con! Comfort beard. Ooh Azu has a potion to make her even further stronger than Zolf. (iirc she had 1 point over him already) Yes he is in fact lawful evil and no he doesn't ever let them rest. Wise Cel/Lydia! I love Azu's auras! Aura of courage sounds especially useful. Yes yes Azu is good, brave, and resolute. Oh poor Zolf can't prep without either sleep or knowing for sure the fight is coming. Cel actually has 59 HP thank goodness! Another hall? Its circling the dome Hamid is in. It better be the same dome! I feel a bit like I'm betraying the party to enjoy the set design when the set is designed to kill them. They go as fast as they can while checking for traps. I refuse to parse that any other way. Oh poor Alex, we appreciate the set design even if the characters don't. Next door has a porthole to look through. Bless Helen/Azu for reminding them to check for traps. Cel can still disable it! It was a hand buzzer? Oh, to waste spells. Missed an in laid wood image of Shoin as a saint. This guy has too much ego and money. Anyone else thinking of that old joke where a guy has to become a monk to be allowed to find out what is behind a ridiculous number of doors and the punchline is you have to become a monk to find out what he saw? Ok it is a good thing its not the right door ~Hamid time~

Alex you troll! I refuse to concede we needed something to bleed to the stress levels. Shoin’s voice officially probably not a pre recording. I love Hamid! Hangs a handkerchief over the corpse's eyes. Poseidon? Couldn't be any god other than Zolf's ex? Ok doesn't seem in good enough shape to be a necrobot, but the organ might change that. Metal chairs sized for the party bolted to floor. I think Hamid is officially having fun not following Shoin's suggestion to sit at the table. Look at the leader in him collecting the paperwork Official connection between blue veins and the simulacrum! Also a spot for the power source Liliana was working on? Red string joke! ~break~ He Acid Blasts a speaker and it pisses Shoin off. Yeah "young man" was exact wrong thing to try. Were you trying to hit his daddy issues? I love one troll and 1 Kobold! Minion this! If Hamid speaks up? Shoin’s sense are fallible, might come up later Hamid is the best! Might die of being the best, but if he has to go its fingers up. Halfling, Dragon and troll, not a damn inch of leverage except what he gets Shoin to give him by refusing to follow orders. Pretending to attempt to comply is so much more frustrating (and better listening) than if he simply went "shan't". The party comes in! A swear! Not really another way to put it. The corpse explodes! Is Shoin the organ itself? A hug! A Cel & Hamid hug! Zolf backs Hamid's play, and  joins in Shoin baiting. Hamid hugs Azu and Zolf! Finally a proper Zolf hug! Cel finally gets to check out the organ. It prioritizes looks over efficiency and isn't just a potion maker. Some of it goes over Cel's head. Cel blocks the outlet. Lydia still thinks slightly sideways like me, and I love it. The cylinders are near boiling. Hamid orders Skraak to safety! Cel tries to hug Skraak, but Skraak doesn't recognize them. Poor brave little guy tried to attack before they can explain. Cel takes chatty!Skraak well and they have another little bonding growl exchange. They get ready to skip Shoin's game and go to the next room. Bad sounds. Fist sized drops of luminous green liquid from the top of the room that don't act right. Zolf attempts open the door to the next room, Hamid sprints towards it. Thank goodness someone wants to live. Natural 1? But its initiative, so that shouldn't hurt too badly right? Right? No effect thank goodness Homing blobs? I am torn exactly between that being cool and not something I want the party to deal with. How many fire balls does Hamid have left? I think Cel is out of bombs, and if we remember nothing else from Kew its that swarms require explosions. Zolf! Its the big brother of the buzzer door and is locked to boot. Azu attacks the goo nearest Zolf. Helen is too wound up to remember how to roll. Bryn and Ben couch her through it in that RQ way. Cleave! More blobs and the existing ones move towards people. Magic missile! 4 pews! 2 at the nearest to him, 2 at the one nearest Cel. I'd say squishy solidarity but Cel is pretty tough for once. Cel shoots the nearest 3? Then flies up 10 feet up and towards Skraak. Zolf blesses the party! Fair Alex! Not everything has to have a mechanical effect. Azu attacks again. It explodes, if Azu hits it it will die.  At least one person should be safe. Skraak! He froze! Worth a shot Ben You'll see? It tries to blob Skraak and isn't big enough to hurt them. Is Skraak safe from collateral damage? Hamid and Cel both protect Skraak. Hamid tells Skraak to use his spear, Skraak runs instead. Thank god he might not die trying to be a hero. Something drains into the pipe organ and the pipe organ attacks! OMG it is a 50ft tall brain soup drinking electric monster! Yes Ben! Perfect! Shoin Mr Ceiling-ed himself theory has player buy in! Bye! Also I will eat my hat if the drop blobs aren't able to merge into something more dangerous.

[sesquipedalianmarquis]

D&D Classes

so i offered to give someone a quick summary of the 5e dnd PHB classes, which i then read out to my friends, who then implored me to post it on tungle dot hell

so... here we go

being a barbarian is fun. you get an ability called “rage” which means u get super pissed and things can’t hurt you as much now. and all you have to do in a fight is run around and hit things! you don’t even have to wear armour. go into battle wearing only a cute skirt, footwear and a huge axe. go nuts. work off your aggression by playing A Barbarian today!

fighters tend to be more knightly than barbarians. this is mostly because they usually wear armour. they come in all flavours from “brilliant strategist” to “dumbass mercenary”. you can do whatever with a fighter, but your main job as a fighter is being the tank of the team!

rogues are, well, rogues. the sneaky stabby bastards of the group. the rogue gets a feature called sneak attack, which lets you unload unholy amounts of bonus damage when you have the drop on your enemy! if someone so much as breathes in your direction you fall over dead because you have few hitpoints and next to no armour, but it’s fine — they can’t hit you if you’ve already cut their throats while they were still drawing their swords. >:3c

monks are weird. like, imagine a dude, but his fists are lethal weapons. we’re thinking more bruce lee than medieval augustinian church man here. sometimes they’re really good at punching. sometimes they’re ninjas. you can go full naruto here if your heart desires! monks rule. they’re pretty squishy, but like, it’s worth it for the ability to hit someone three times in six seconds, yes?

rangers! picture aragorn from the lord of the rings. but like, maybe a bit more legolas. you probably have a bow. maybe even an animal companion. you can’t get lost in the forest, unlike the other dumbasses in your party, who are all fucking useless at surviving in the wild, in your opinion. you can attack a bit, heal a bit, cast a bit – and you get a free pass to play an introverted character.

PALADINS! :D my favourite class. don’t tell anyone, but yes, i have a favourite. and yes, it’s the paladin. you get the goodies of a fighter (high hitpoint maximum, heavy armour, any weapon you desire). and then also a god! your god is a little like your employer. or maybe even an annoying manager. or maybe your god doesnt talk to you at all and you’re just doing your best. fact is, because you believe in something really hard, you can do magic! it doesn’t have to be good. evil paladins are totally a thing. and you get healing skills! there’s nothing sexier than a group tank who doesn’t need a healer because they can heal their own damn self in the middle of battle. hell yeah.

bards? weirder than monks. bards can insult you so hard you take psychic damage. a bard can yell at a goblin “your mom suck me good & hard thru my jorts” and maybe the goblin will just straight up die. who let them have magical power? i don’t fucking know. but fuck, dude, they have it, and now there’s no stopping these weirdly charismatic drama club kids.

warlocks. you have a contract. a deal. a curse. a sugar daddy. basically, a demon, fiend, fey, eldritch monster or other powerful whatever went “hey you, i’ll give you some magical powers. blast plasma from your hands and mind control people or some shit.” and maybe you owe them your soul now, or have to follow orders, or something. but it’s really not that bad a deal... right?

clerics, here we go: you’re super magic. it’s because a god likes you. or you like a god? religion gives you magical abilities. clerics come in all flavours from “i will die if you so much as look at me mean” to “i am tankier than the barbarian, get fucked” but if your party’s cleric dies... you’re fucked.

druids. druids are the smelly forest dude who smokes weed and has leaves in his hair at all times. druids don’t know what sugar spoons are. they just wanna talk to plants and, like, chill, man. you usually get a druid in your party either because the druid’s like “this sounds fun” or because someone’s been fucking with the forest and they’re pissed. did i mention they can turn into animals? because that’s a thing. hell yeah.

wizards are nerds. all of them. they’re all nerds. they study books real hard until they can do magic! it takes training and studying and more studying and finally your robe clad, fire throwing wizard is ready to go on an adve— oh no. he tripped. and fell. and the fall damage killed him. because wizards have the structural integrity of a damp saltine cracker. i was a wizard once and i got knocked unconscious by a bunch of ravens. bring a barbarian, to protect your little wizard. please.

sorcerers are like wizards... but better. they make fun of wizards. they bully the wizards. because what a wizard has to study for ages, a sorcerer can just... do. just like that. did someone in their family fuck a dragon? did someone in their lineage get dunked in the astral plane for a while? is their soul just kind of spectacularly magical for no reason you can guess at? whatever the source, they have an innate ability to Do Magic. it’s pretty cool. if only most of them weren’t dumbass drama queens, or massive emos.

[readbythestarlight]

c2e47

WE’RE FINALLY BACK YAY!

Based on Twitter Liam is more excited to be back than anyone and it’s great

Ayyyyyyy Matt looking good with that facial hair

Sam as President of D&DBeyond?

I’d vote for him

Oh I’m excited about the future D&DBeyond ads now

God I missed them over the break

A nat20 in the first rolls of 2019 this is a good omen

Damn Matt still killing it with the maps

I miss Ashley again already

Sam’s flask: "I am available to host the Oscars" I’d actually watch the Oscars if he did

Nat1 for Beau so that’s a bad omen

Oh ouch a nat1 for Jester too

Oh god there’s so many giant ocean monsters

Oh damn Caleb killed one already! Good job babe!! First kill of 2019 goes to the wizard.

Still two big ones tho and boy they are ugly

Oh god ANOTHER ONE

Beau PLEASE it’s too early to be nearly giving me a heart attack

lol Marisha hit Liam and made him spill some of his tea

Nott is here to save the day! She is the true hero of the M9

"That sounds like a waste of Beau’s time" Beau you are being rIPPED IN HALF

Travis is looking stressed (probably because he knows how it’ll fuck Fjord up if somebody dies during his backstory mission)

STUNNED IT YES atta girl Beau

Yay Beau is freeeee!

Wasted enemy nat20 excellent

SHIELD OF RETRIBUTION nice!

NICE just SHOVE that big crabby guy back

YASHA WITH THE FIRSR HDYWTDT OF THE YEAR YEAHHHHH

Yessss girl! They’re both stunned

Yeahhh nat20 go Beau!!!

My girl Nott taking out the next one yesss!

Poor Matt is a bit frazzled it’s okay Matt you’re still the best DM

Somebody get to Caleb quick now or he WILL go down

Beau and Fjord off to save their squishy wizard friend bless them

YESSS the ladies getting the job done tonight!!

Oh god CALEB

Paralyzed, poisoned, grappled oh no

Oh thank god for the transmuter stone

It’s a nest I’m calling it

YEAAHHH NOTT!

Nott and Caleb are going to have to work things out soon

Cad talking to plants is my favorite

Cad is just my favorite I love him

I don’t like the idea of them going underground under the ocean nope

Nott hates Fjord but also trying to hook Fjord and Jester up still because as far as she knows Jester still like-likes him

J: "Do you want to climb through it?"

N: "I don’t want to but I will. It’s my job."

The whole group needs to come together and realize that they have put Nott in a position of feeling like she is the one expected to go first into the dangerous unknown and that she probably feels expendable because of that

Cad apologizing to the seaweed when Yasha rips it

I’m curious about why Fjord is so instant that he needs to leave one of the orbs at all.

Oh look another skeleton

Oooo mystery potion

Oh no

Oh no is it Vandrin...?

Look at Travis’ face when Matt was describing everything he looked like he knew something

Don’t touch the skeleton there’s something about the skeleton

Travis was REAL afraid it was Vandrin

...Maybe the seaweed crushes you as you try to get out

Oh or maybe the crabs crushed him it’s fine

Oh I have such a bad feeling

"If something does go wrong that should be my burden." Oh Fjord.

Fjord gives me so many feelings, like I think he wants to to the right thing but he also wants answers and he’s got guilt and he’s got fears and he’s like got no idea what he’s doing and the group keeps looking at him like he does and I just have feels about Fjord

I’M HAVING A LOT OF FEELINGS WITH THIS FJORD AND JESTER INTERACTION

"dont turn evil. I mean if you do I’ll still be your friend it’s okay some people are just evil" Jester <3

Cad casting "protection from evil"

Everyone’s so worried about Fjord

I’m worried about Fjord

GASP HE USED HIS (real?) ACCENT

Oh god oh god he’s loosening the bindings oh god

He better get some cool new magic from this

I DONT LIKE THIS

Liam and Marisha look as stressed as I feel

So that must be the third temple. On an island or some place with mountains.

SWIM FJORD SWIM GET AWAY

Oh god I don’t like this

Wooo control water go Jester!

The clerics saving the day that geyser would have fucked then UP

AYYEEE MY BOY CONTROLS WATER NOW

...that’s actually bad tho god he shouldn’t have put that second one in. A single lock left isn’t enough security.

Oh god another ship RUN

Oh shit Caleb heard Fjord’s accent

Boy this whole thing has just been STRESS. I hope they just run away from this shop and leave sailing behind for a while.

We’re gonna have ourselves a proper sea battle here we go

Nope we’re gonna run?

Get Fjord and the clerics on the back to push

Goddd I can’t shake the theory that Sabien and Vandrin both survived and Sabien convinced Vandrin that Fjord was who blew up the ship to get the orb. And since Fjord now has U’kotoa as a patron it’s gonna look bad.

HOLY SHIT Cad capsized a fucking ship

Guys come on don’t fire on a capsized ship

Nott, Fjord, And Beau get WAY too caught up in the heat of the moment. If they weren’t so worked up they wouldn’t be shooting on an already dealt with ship

Oh sure now you pull in the survivors

"We just got taken out by the Ball Eater..."

A smiley face with risks and big googly eyes

Jester messaging her mom again I’ve missed that

So much loot!!

B: “We should put some money aside to pay the crew.”

F: “They die before we reach the shore.”

Everyone: 8O ???

Beau’s got lots of family issues that I can’t wait to delve into later

“You only get one family” FALSE she has found a new family you goober

Oh no

Oh Beau sweetie

Oh honey. That’s so sad.

Beau has a baby brother tho wow that could be fun later.

Oh baby giiiiirl.

Oh jeeze Nott’s tribe too...

Fjord just wants to find Vandrin like that’s been his main goal the whole time and I cry a little

Fjord wants out that’s good news

Although if U’kotoa does choose someone else then there’s only one temple left so that’s bad

Ooo the glowy orb will definitely be useful

Caleb says tree and Caduceus IMMEDIATELY puts the rock in his pocket

Nott should get the armor she rarely gets the new things. Although it would be cool if Jester had it too.

“I can claim ownership in name only, but we all know who the captain of this ship is” ORLI THAT’S SO SWEET!

That’s exactly how I hoped it would go tbh

“I wonder what Vandrin’s doing right now?” WHAT?!

“staying out of sight. making amends.” HE’S ALIVE!!!

I can’t wait to delve into Nott’s stuff. Going home. FINDING OUT WHO SHE’S BEEN SENDING STUFF TO.

The friend is the guy she freed isn’t he?

N: “You can make people see things that aren’t real and you can... can change things from one thing to another. You’re very good at that, aren’t you?” STOOOOOP

God I missed these nerds.

I’m not gonna be able to watch live for the whole next semester because I’m an idiot who signed up for a Friday morning clinic *cries* but I can’t wait for everything that comes next!

Happy Twenty-Nein-Teen, Criters!

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Rpg Anon: ...well, this is disappointing. I was doing more research on Competitive Balance things and was planning to do a list for everyone. But then, I came to the realization that there are a lot of people who can categorized as a Squishy Wizard. Basically, someone with average stats/capabilities or whatnot that is only good for a certain ability or skill or something like that. They are defined by if you take this one thing away from them, they'd be useless. I hope you get what I mean. Now don't get me wrong. There are actually several muscular and very physically fit Squishy Wizards. Ozai from Avatar is a perfect example. He's a fully grown fit man but when his fire bending was taken away, he's at the mercy of even his young son with some swords. Here are examples of what I mean from the dr cast:

Chihiro: Take away his computers and electronics and he's incapable of anything.

Sayaka: What's she gonna against someone who doesn't give a shit about her singing? Or if she's muted? Lunge at them with a kitchen knife? Good luck.

Hiro: he's already kinda pathetic but you know his deal.

Toko: What's she gonna do if you knock away her stun gun and prevent Syo from coming out?

Hiyoko: if she can't charm or enrage anyone, what can she do?

Mahiru: Take away her camera and what can she do?

Peko: Personally I wouldn't say this. Peko is totally not a Squishy Wizard. But by concept, she wouldn't be able to be exceptional without her sword.

Fuyuhiko: Same deal as Peko except with gun. Granted, Fuyuhiko could fistfight but again, like Peko, not exceptional.

Ryota: He's an unathletic scrawny nerd who doesn't get out much? What could he do without his animations?

Hajime: Yes even Hajime. Without his talents, he'd be just a normal guy.

Now. I don't have to include this trope in any list I make in the future. This is merely me stating my thoughts on something that came up. I don't intend to insult every single person in this universe. I get it, taking away what makes them themselves is a bit unfair. But I just wanted to point something out. Now, should I do a proper list of everyone following the competitive balance thing?

//I think the issue is when it comes to making an RPG with DR characters, it would have to be in a fantasy world where logic goes out the window.

//Because at the end of the day, with a few exceptions, most of the DR characters are just normal high school kids.

//In fact, the only one’s who would actually be useful in a fight are the one’s who ACTUALLY CAN FIGHT (Sakura, Peko, Maki, Mukuro, Tenko, Akane, Nekomaru and Mondo if you wanna push it, etc.)

//And it also just occurred to me that the majority of characters in the series who have combat based talents are actually women.

//Girl power I guess.

-Mod

[savevsfacemelt]

Big Dungeon Energy - Fellowship & Fateloops

...even by my standards, this session was kinda weird.

Not at first - at first it was warm and lovely. But then I ruined it by forcing the players to interact with my bullshit, and now a perfectly good PC is dead.

Squishy dead.

You’re really gonna want to head over to Obsidian Portal for the session writeup. While you’re there, hey, check out the logo I picked out to represent the Wizard King, 13th Age’s long-dead Mad Scientist Magic Caesar!

This - this, specifically - is why I can’t have nice things.

--

We talked last time about giving PC-PC interactions more room to breathe, so that’s just what we did to kick off the session. The best part is that all I said was, ‘we can play a downtime scene or jump to the action, I’m happy either way,’ and the players took it from there with me largely on the sidelines (or occasionally speaking for Saga, whose player wasn’t there). Forcing this kind of interaction just makes everyone involved resentful - but when it emerges naturally, when players just want to ask each other social questions and build on the answers... honestly, during this incredibly shitty year/month/week, it was kinda what I needed.

What the players need, as it turned out in that same scene, is a lot more clarity from me. The shift to ‘let’s review our plot goals’ then immediately shifted further to ‘what the hell’s going on in this game anyway, why are we here again, does anyone remember the name of the bad guy?’ While I wouldn’t say the plot’s been especially complicated (but of course I wouldn’t say that), a lot of ideas, hooks and details are getting lost in the noise of travel montages and fight scenes. Worse, sometimes players go off in new directions because I’ve provided confusing or unclear info, and I have to step in and go, ‘um, no, that’s not right,’ which makes uncool all around. Anyway, that’s the problem - time to work on solutions.

A time-loop scenario in a vertical dungeon is generally not an effective solution for confusing or unclear storylines, but as we’ve established, I’m the fuckin’ worst. This idea’s been on my mind for a while now, ever since the whole ‘fate engine’ notion came up; I workshopped it over the last few weeks (even soliciting advice from... internet nerds) and honestly I’m pretty happy with it. Admittedly, I hoped we’d get through one freakin’ cycle before the players worked out the twist, but then I probably shouldn’t have put a heap of major clues in the first two locations. (Also, Tibie’s player rolled a nat 20 on her background check to make sense of things, and you gotta make that feel special.) Anyway, there’s a lot more to explore, work out and solve here, and I’m keen to see what the players come up with. They’re already coming with ideas that I’m gonna need two weeks to respond to.

Abraxas is fun. Here’s hoping he sticks around and doesn’t wind up at the Excess to Requirements NPC Farm with all the others.