#give me me one more medicated peaceful moment

[longeyelashedtragedy]

scent memories being the most powerful and visceral is so true! sophomore year of high school (~16 years old) my friend passed along the message that the tiny libra lady i had a crush on used cocoa butter hand lotion so i went over to the drugstore on my lunch break and bought some. anyway i just used some today and as soon as i put it on my hands i was forcibly propelled back to february-march of sophomore year of high school and got a perfect circle stuck in my head instantly

[thelovelylolly]

Tech bb 1 and 9 from ur valentines prompt list

Take Care of You

Summary: After a close call on a mission, you find comfort in Tech Warnings: mentions of violence and injuries Word Count: 705 Notes: I LOVE TECH OMG HOW HAVE I NOT WRITTEN FOR HIM BEFORE????? I LOVE HIM SO MUCH LIKE ITS BAD AHHHHH

The first thing you noticed when you woke up was how little pain you felt. The last thing the remembered was a rouge bomb going off close to you, throwing you yards away and knocking you out. You tried to sit up, then the pain caught up with you, hitting you on your back.

"Ah, you are awake," Tech's voice came from beside you.

You realized you were in your bunk on the Marauder, and you turned your head to see Tech by your side with his datapad in hand.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, typing away as he spared a quick glance up at you.

"Sore," you mumbled as you slowly turned yourself to dangle your legs on the edge of your bunk.

"I suggest you stay here for a bit longer, I'll give you another dose of pain medication in an hour and then you can begin to move around," Tech quickly said when he noticed you sitting on the edge of your bed.

"How long was I out?"

"Only a few hours. We've been traveling in hyperspace, so you haven't missed anything of importance. You are lucky, any closer and that explosion could've caused more serious injuries."

You looked over at him just as he looked up at you, your gazes meeting. He adjusted his goggles and didn't look back down at his datapad like usual.

"I'm also lucky I have a great squad member to take care of me," you said with a weak smile.

You could see pink dust Tech's cheeks, but he acted like he didn't notice his face warming up.

"Yes, well, I only trust myself when it comes to taking care of injuries like the ones you sustained. I don't believe you'd want Wrecker to tend to your injuries," he replied, looking back down at his datapad.

You laughed weakly, only to be cut off by a sharp pain from your back. You inhaled sharply through your teeth before trying to breath through the pain.

"How much long did you say until I got another dose of pain meds?"

"About an hour, I'm sorry I can't give it to you any sooner. I'll leave you to get some rest until then," he answered.

"You don't need to leave so soon," you quickly said right before he turned to leave.

His gaze found yours again. "Why is that? There is nothing I can assist you with, so I should give you some quiet time in order to sleep."

You patted the space next to you on your bunk, and Tech hesitantly sat next to you. He turned his eyes to the wall across from the two of you, setting his data on the side opposite of you. Slowly, you leaned your head on his shoulder, his somewhat cold armor offering some distraction to your pain.

You felt Tech tense at your action, then start to relax. A moment or two later, his arm came up and around you, careful not to brush up against any of your injuries. He rested his hand on your shoulder and held you close, his head leaning on top of yours.

You smiled, grateful for the peace and quiet with him. You felt yourself wanting to fall asleep again, a yawn escaping you, but you didn't want to fall asleep on Tech. You didn't want to keep him from his other jobs on the ship, so you tried to move away to let him go.

"Wait," his arm wrapped tighter around you, careful not to hurt you with your injuries but strong enough to keep you where you were, "don't pull away...not yet."

"I don't wanna fall asleep on you, Tech," you reply quietly.

"If it means you are distracted enough from the pain to get some rest, then you can fall asleep on me, cyar'ika. I'll wake you up when it's time for your next dose of medication."

You smiled at his sweet words, whether he meant them as sweet or not.

He picked up his datapad with his free hand and started to scroll through some article, his other hand absentmindedly running up and down your arm gently. You closed your eyes and let Tech's breathing lull you to sleep.

[unholy-cvlt]

ATARAXIA

Metaphor for a missing moment

Pull me into your perfect circle

One womb, one shame, one resolve

Liberate this will to release us all

Gotta cut away, clear away

Snip away and sever this umbilical residue

Keeping me from killing you

And from pulling you down with me in here

I can almost hear you scream

One more medicated, peaceful moment

Give me one more medicated, peaceful moment

And I don't wanna feel this overwhelming hostility

I don't wanna feel this overwhelming hostility

Gotta cut away, clear away

Snip away and sever this umbilical residue

Gotta cut away, clear away

Snip away and sever this umbilical residue

Keeping me from killing you

Snip away and sever this

Keeping me from killing you

[marchiekana]

Little moments spent together!

Art credits go to @yonagi11 on twitter

SYNOPSIS: Lovely moments spent together with the astral express trio~

⭐ fluff, mentions of injuries, just pure fluff a bit of Dan heng x reader I guess?

:::::::::::::::::....... . .... .... .. ... .. . .

The Astral Express had become your family ever since you decided to leave your past behind. It was hard moving on but you knew that the astral crew would always be there by your side. Whenever you needed them. Every journey was a memorable one and it also brought you all close together, making your bond stronger then ever.

It was well past midnight, you, stelle , March and Dan heng just returned from a mission, exhaustion written all over your bodies. Times like these were tranquil. No one to be seen in the parlor and just the stars and the moon shining bright enough to give the parlor a dim light that made it look magical. You four make your way to the sofa and slump down, to tired to even go to your respective rooms. You enjoyed moments such as these. Just the four of you finding peace and comfort in each other's company, And so your thoughts start to linger. You were to attached to the three next to you. You just couldn't imagine a life without them now. You're really happy that you met them and are grateful for them for everything they have done for you. You turned your head to your side, seeing how Stelle had already drifted of to sleep on your shoulder and March on Stelle's. "Get some rest (name), you look really tired"A voice calls out to you. Tired was an understatement, fatigue and exhaustion was what you were truly feeling. Running around and fighting for the past few days has brought you to where you are now. A few scratches and cuts still stinging "You should too Dan heng" you say to him as his state was nothing less than yours.

"The moon and stars look really pretty up close huh." "It does."he says as he slowly looks at you, noticing your somewhat distant gaze"You can talk to me if you feel sad. (name)... Are your wounds hurting? Should I bring a medical kit?. . He asks with a soft expression on his face. Though Dan heng looks cold or intimidating to others, only a few know that he just has different ways of showing affection and how much he cares about the crew. Just like you, he too thought of them as family. You give a quite giggle as a response. He must've thought that you were still thinking about the mission or reminiscing about the past. "No need, I'm fine and Thank you" you say quietly. He gives you a subtle smile. "well then I'll have to wake up himeko or pom pom to tell we completed the mission. Why don't you rest up in your room?" "It's fine I'll sleep here. I don't wanna wake them up". He gives you a nod as he makes his way to the sleeping cabins.

You look outside the window once more. Cherishing the view in front of you. You'd really never get used to it. No matter how many times you saw this view, it will always strike you with awe. It calmed your nerves and your soul too. You slowly drift off to sleep as you feel content with this new but usual life of yours.

The next morning you wake up to find yourself and the others snuggled up together with a big blanket on top of all four of you. "Must've been himeko or Welt's work" you think as you drift off to sleep once again.

✨🌟⭐🌕⭐🌟✨

Hey there! That's the end of this fanfic and thanks for reading!

This is actually the first fanfic I've written and so it's not the best but I tried lol

[totallynotsarkaz]

rszm food in Rosa's oprec issh sooooooo gooooooood

BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK-

[spoiler for Rosa's oprec bellow]

[warning, I am a rszm dork so you'll see a lot of me gushing over them]

We started of with RosaGummy cooking session and girl is not happy at all (A little bit insulted lmao) that Gummy said she has surpassed Zima when it comes to cooking. I guess my headcanon about Rosa is terrible at cooking was half right.

Then they deliver said Rosa's cooked meals to medical bay(?. Her we have two people chatting with each others. One of them was Rosa's former maid. Her name is Sofia.

She was happy to meet her Mistress but then it goes south the further they talk.

So they went off to Rosa's dorm. And god fuck I don't wanna talk about it... then Zima barged in like usual she is, and you know what. THIS. MAID. BEEFED WITH HER LMAO. I know it's funny in one way but god Zima was PISSED. So they argue for a while until Rosa stopped Zima before she throws hand.

Zima left and Rosa had long, loooong talk with her former maid, saying that she had job to do in nearby village. As volunteer teacher. Her maid follows her there and God FUCK I WANT TO THROW HANDS AT HER. Rosa was being really nice to the kids there, heck one of them shyly gives her herbs as a thank you, Rosa was about to take it and the maid took it and said it is too dirty for her. Ooooh and Rosa did not like that one a bit and softly told her to piss off.

GO GET HER ASS ROSA. Anyway, Rosa apologize to the children about her and her former maid behavior and continue to teach them in peace. For a bit. We move outside to see the former maid talking to Village head who approached and ask who she is. She answer that she's Rosa's maid and it raises question to Village Head, he then begin to question if Rosa is truly noble and you know what, this maid pisses;

Rosa overheard it and told her enough is enough. She have been very patient with her, asked the Village Head if she could receive the payment, got payment, and then put it inside her purse and gives it to her maid (a bit hesitate at first). She then said :

(we also then know the reason as to why the maid stick with her but I couldn't care less because she wants to return back to her former glorious life in House of Rostovs)

Where was I, ah yes, after exchanging words, the maid decide to go off on a journey to find the Rostovs and deliver the news of "their daughter is still alive yadayada". Rosa, feeling a bit tired got jumpscared by Istina (while dragging Zima with her) sudden appearance. Zima told Rosa she informed the gang about what happen and Rosa thank her. Not long after that, Leto informed her that there's a big delivery for her. The piano she'd been waiting for. Girl ran off as fast as lightning after hearing that (cute). We have brief Istina teasing Zima about Rosa's behavior just now.

Keep denying it Zima, we know you care for that giant fluffy bear lady. Long short story, Zima helped her moving said piano (along with the rest of the bears ig) because she worried she'll drop them.

A moment, later they're in Rosa's room. With the piano. Rosa then raise the question.

Pfft, tsundere behavior. The girls then teases this poor leader of their's

That... is very Zima. More teasing later, Rosa offers to play the piano. It's been a while she play piano and both Gummy and Istina were excited to hear. It makes her nervous. As... the other two however XDDD

Rosa roast them As to what piece she actually play, it's Für Elise Laurenz.

That. Is the end of her oprec. Note : YOU SHOULD READ THIS OPREC AS FELLOW BEAR ENJOYER

[diviinaee]

Fredrick/Bright Eyes [redactedasmr]

cws : aggressive language/screaming, self harm tendencies, hysterical crying, hurt/no comfort, ambiguous ending, based on this post I made a while back!

description : Bright has never known peace. For a long time, they had come to the conclusion that they were fated to be alone forever. Frederick, Sam, Darlin, the rest of the clan, they were not planned. They were getting in the way of Bright's plan of loneliness.

a/n : oh yall wanna know where i pulled this one from? I pulled this one from the 7 HRS OF CRYING THAT I HAD TODAY DUE TO MY DOCTOR NOT GIVING ME THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF MEDS AND MAKING ME SKIP A WHOLE DAY OF MY MEDICATION. so yea my bipolar and ocd went a lil coocoo. but. what better way to vent all that out than to dump it on a fictional character! 😻🫶🏽

enjoyy 💗

The sun is bright. So is the moon. And the stars. And the dull lights that line the streets outside.

But their eyes? Bright would disagree.

Freddie had given them that name when they were younger and naive. That point in time where they looked in the eye of abuse and mistook it for love. Those moments where words of hatred seemed easy to twist into words of love.

Then, they would say that their eyes were probably bright. Bright with the most gullible light that ever shone, sure.

Currently, the only shine in their eyes came from the blinking light that shone ontop of their bathroom mirror. Bright laid in the bathtub, arms red from the scratching that their nails did a second ago. Peeled skin on their fingers glowed beneathed their long, chipped nails that were bitten off the day before.

It had been a week since they last fed. Call them selfish or whatever, but a part of Bright wished a gentle presence would come feed them like a baby.

They wished they could find a presence that resembled a mother, breastfeeding her baby as she cood the wonders of the world, wondering if the tiny human could understand her.

But alas, the only touch they felt now was the cold touch of their bathtub.

"Bright?..."

Their eyes shot from the dull place on the peeling wall to the door where their maker hid behind. Bright Eyes felt his uneasiness and decided to stay quiet. Increasing his anxiety wasn't a favorite passtime of theirs anymore because it consequently involved increasing Sam's.

Ugh. That old geezer-

"Bright... I know you're in there."

"Then you also know I don't feel like talking."

They hear him sigh, "Bright, please. Just come out-"

Bright zoomed their way to the door and shoved it open. "What."

They watched Freddie's eyes widen at their state. Last they checked, which was like 20 minutes ago when they looked in the mirror before punching it, they had deep bags under their bloodshot eyes, smudged tears on their cheeks, and their messy hair pointed in every direction. So the look on his face was not at all surprising.

Bright scoffed and pushed their way past Fred and walked towards the front door. Fredrick blocked their way. Strike one.

Bright slowly turned to him, eyes full of defiance. They said nothing as they glared at him, eyes speaking more than their voice ever could in a situation like this. Fredrick stared back with worry and kindness.

"Go away." Bright was clearly annoyed at this point. They watched as Fredrick turned to glance dow the hallway. For a second, Bright thought he accepted defeat. That was until they felt a rising, angry magical core wave off in theirs.

Sam.

Fuck.

Bright Eyes shoved Fredrick out the way and let out a laugh as Sam came into view. They walked down the hallway with nothing to lose as they spit out, "What. What do you guys want?"

For the first time, Sam didn't reply back with an insult.

"Bright. We wanna help you. We realize-"

That made them cackle. What gave him the right to say they needed help? The same man who gave them nasty glares and hurtful lectures. "Oh please," they scoffed, "why in hell would I need help from you."

Sam's mouth twitched yet he didn't speak, instead look to Fredrick and his pained expression. Bright looked back at Fred with confusion as he finally broke.

"Bright.... I found the bottles of beer in your trash. And the broken ones-" Covered in blood.

Slap!

Bright could hear Sam scream and zoomed towards them and grabbed a hold of their arm. "Hey, HEY," he shouted, "calm your ass down and-"

"WHY THE HELL WERE YOU IN MY TRASH FREDRICK! WHY DO YOU FUCKING CARE!"

Bright felt Sam push them back away from Fred and closer to their room. They clawed at his arms as he pushed and pushed until finally they fell onto their floor and they heard the door slam shut.

They picked themselves up and threw themselves to the door, ready to rip open, but the door knob didn't budge. It locks from the outside?, they questioned. Why the hell would a door-

They suddenly remembered how exactly William designed all the houses on his properties. Locks on the outside to stop newborns from entwring the world if they're too violent. Great.

They scowled as they still attempted to rip the door open. "Let. ME. OUT!" Bright shook the door violently and banged their fists against it. Tears started to escape them from the emotions they felt.

They felt like a little kid, angry at their parents. Bright remembered a time where their parents were arguing and they banged on the door, begging them to stop. And now years later, here they were. Banging on a door and screaming to an adult figure.

"SAM. LET ME OUT."

"We can't do that Bright." Fredrick.

Bright laughed through their tears, "Freddy, you're just gonna let him do this to me?" They pressed their forehead against the door as they laughed. "So STUPID."

They had no idea what was going on outside their door, but from the silence, they could imagine the fear in both Sam and Fredrick's eyes.

They banged on the door again. "LET ME OUT!"

After a few minutes of constant screaming, banging, and kicking against the door, they finally felt a dam burst. Full, loud, painful sobs erupted from within them, the sorrow and grief bubbling up to the surface. Bright was never one to ever show what they felt. They felt safest to protect themselves behind the mask of not caring. But now, it felt like years of unattended suffering finally erupted within them. The ticking of the time bomb was up.

"I hate you so much," Bright cried. "I hate you b-" Their mouth stopped by itself. Stupid Maker-Progeny bond, they thought.

"I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE. I JUST-"

Bright paused between their cries. They didn't know what they want. Sam to stop seeing them as a bad guy. Fredrick to see how bad they are. Their life. Their happiness.

What did Bright want?

They finally stopped talking and fully sunk into themselves and kept loudly sobbing against the door. They never heard anything outside, too distorted by their own body and the way their core boomed with grief.

A vampire will always have amplified abilities. And unfortunately for Bright, that meant amplified emotions.

aw how cute.

bright is. scarily relatable.

#bringfredrickandbrightbsck2023

toodles 😻🫶🏽🩷

[unholy-gigi]

I'm back again with another bullshit to talk about:

How I become another count's simp

For those who know me as well or who found my page by hashtags.

I'm a fucking simp of Dracula! I know I know in this platform there's more,I'm not the only one but it's quite a funny story how I even meet the character.

It was at the end of 2018,I was really sad after I lost my mom a month before. I was alone at home, didn't wanna do anything but trying not to focus on the loss I decided to distracted by watching my favourite movie in that time.

I was using a pirate place (now close) to watch films I used to use constantly,and while I was searching the page,I found a particular cover:

I was like, "eh? Ain't dracula evil or something" but you know curiosity kill the cat so I decide to watch it but not alone.

I was worried that if it was of horror so I called some friends at that time to watch it with me, saddle only one could come so we watched at dark and....wow,I was feeling lots of adrenaline and excitement because of a movie.

Obviously my friend was bored but in my case I was amazed,during a part when Vlad bites Mirena,the idiot of my friend put his hand on my neck and I was freak out...

But what I mean is since that day I fell in love with the film, watching it 13 times,almost know every part of it. Even know more the actor protagonist and even see more of other adaptations that also I love a lot,during that time I started reading the original novel and bought more books,comics,figures and movies.

But it helped me more during my cancer,during Pandemic, a tumor started to grow a side of my eye and well... I was kinda down but during my days at the hospital,I decided to watch the TV and ,fricking coincidence, it was untold on,I was happy to see it...but my aunt put it off saying that she will not watch that,do i think in idea.

I ask my older sister to bring me movies on a usb and watch it on my phone with an adapter and enjoy the company of the count.

During that time and chemotherapy,and they discovered my eye is dead and lost vision of it,having a surgery to put it out,I was reading about the real Dracula and found it real interesting not gonna lie. My family help me a lot and with that lil hand of the count,makes those years kinda better.

The most that it helps me is the "message" dracula untold shows that we'll I capture of it idk why others think but it shows that even if you lost a love or you pass for a dark moment it doesn't mean that you have to stop and collapse,you have to fight and continue with your life,never giving up...So yeah,it does help me that.

Do yeah,since that day I'm a fan of Dracula and that's how I met the character.

Ps:I'm cancer free after two years now and I'm recovered from all the medical sessions but now I'm waiting for a prosthetic eye so I don't show a hole,where the tumor and dead eye was.

Peace ✌️

[breedaboyd]

52 with Klaber and also write that motorcycle fic you’ve been talking about all summer

Prompt: "Tell me what you want."

Pairing: Eli Klaber × Stephan Wolff (FTM!OC).

Word Count: 0.9k+

A/N: Okay but this needs like an entire probably like 3-4k+ word fic. I'll get round to writing that eventually I'm sure.

The car's engine hums softly as they speed down the road, the landscape passing by in a blur of green. Voller is sound asleep in the back seat, trapped between Cyrus and Hauke, both of whom have their arms resting on the parcel shelf, fingers interlaced.

In the front seats, Wolff and Klaber engage in quiet conversation, their voices a gentle undercurrent in the otherwise peaceful car. Wolff (pretends to) read a book, the pages as he tries to maintain an air of nonchalance. He knows Klaber's birthday is coming up and he wants to broach the subject carefully, not wanting to appear too overbearing. After all, the two of them haven't been involved for too long at this point, maybe a year. Wolff clears his throat, keeping his gaze fixed on the book's pages as he speaks.

"So, Klaber, your birthday's coming up soon, isn't it? Why don't you tell me what you want?" He asks and Klaber, who had been idly gazing out of the window, turns his attention to Wolff. He grins widely.

"Y'know what I've always wanted? A motorbike." He replies and  Wolff's eyebrows arch in surprise as he lowers the book, his eyes meeting the younger man's. He hadn't expected that response and, for a moment, he's not sure if Klaber's joking.

"A motorbike?" He repeats, his voice tinged with amusement. He smiles warmly as he looks down at his book again.

"Yeah! I wanna be one of those cool guys, like in the movies, cruisin' down the open road with the wind in my hair." Wolff can't help but smile at Klaber's enthusiasm. He plucks the pen from his breast pocket and scribbles in the back of his book; 'motorcycle'.

On the day of Klaber's birthday, Wolff has a special surprise in store.

He leads Klaber down to the parking lot of the hotel they're staying in and directs him to a spot near the back. As they wander past the cars, Klaber's curiosity is piqued. He wonders what Wolff has planned. Then, he sees it; a sleek, black BMW R50/2, gleaming under the sunlight. Klaber's eyes widen and his jaw drops. He can hardly believe his eyes as he drinks in the sight of the bike. It's a beauty, a work of art and it's all his...?

Wolff watches silently, a warm smile curving his lips, as Klaber's initial shock gives way to pure, child-like excitement. Klaber can't resist the urge to walk up to the bike, his hands running over the smooth curves of the machine.

"... This is for me?" Klaber asks, his voice filled with awe. Wolff nods, his own excitement bubbling up as he watches Klaber's reaction.

"Happy birthday." Wolff says softly.

Without another word, Klaber can't contain his enthusiasm any longer. He straddles the motorcycle, hands gripping the handlebars, and his face lights up with unbridled joy.

"This is... This is great!" Klaber yells, his eyes shining. "I can't— This is— Wow..."Klaber can't help but be entranced by the motorcycle, its lines and curves a visual feast that seem to speak to him on a personal level.

As he reluctantly steps off the bike, his gaze lingers on it, his fingers itching to run over its smooth surface one more time. The gift is beyond anything he could have hoped for and he feels a surge of gratitude that he struggles to put into words.

Wolff watches Klaber with a fond smile, his eyes following the blonde's every move as he approaches. There's a softness in the medic's gaze. They both know that this gift is more than just a material possession; it's a symbol of their growing relationship, of them.

As Klaber stands toe-to-toe with Wolff, their eyes meet in a silent exchange. It's a moment charged with unspoken gratitude and affection. Klaber wants to express his thanks, to convey the depth of his feelings but he also doesn't want to appear too overbearing or needy. After all, they've only been sleeping together for about a year and he doesn't want to screw that up.

Clearing his throat, Klaber finally manages to find his voice but the words remain out of reach. "H-Herr Doktor, this... This is great. I can't even...begin to..." Wolff's smile widens, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he takes a step closer.

"You don't need to say anything. I'm just glad to see you happy." The older man says, gently thumbing at the corner of the blonde's jaw. Klaber's gaze lingers on Wolff's lips, an unspoken want to express his gratitude with a kiss. But he hesitates, caught between the overwhelming urge to show his affection and the fear of coming across as too forward.

As if sensing Klaber's struggle, Wolff leans against the motorcycle, his gaze never leaving the younger man's. With a gentle yet firm pull, he draws the blonde closer, their bodies now pressed against each other. His fingers find their way to the blonde's waist, a silent invitation to close the remaining distance.

Their lips meet in a kiss that's tender and somewhat cautious, a shared moment that transcends words. They've kissed before, of course, but this seems to hold a kind of deep affection; as if Klaber is finally aware of the older man's fondness, as if Wolff finally knows how deeply the younger man needs him.

When they finally break away, they're both breathless and at a loss for words, their foreheads pressing together as they share a moment of silent understanding. Klaber's heart pounds in his chest and he gazes into the medic's eyes with a mixture of realisation and affection.

"... Thank you, St-Stephan." Klaber finally murmurs, his voice filled with sincerity. Wolff's response is a soft smile and he presses a chaste kiss to Klaber's forehead as the blonde wraps his arms around the older man's waist.

"You're welcome, Eli."

[magicspellsc]

Give me one more medicated, peaceful moment

I don't wanna feel this overwhelming hostility

[broodwolf221]

okay but a perfect circle's oreste for the fucked up dynamic btwn solas and flemeth:

Metaphor for a missing moment Pull me in to your perfect circle One womb, one shame, one resolve Liberate this will to release us all

[Chorus] Gotta cut away, clear away Snip away and sever this Umbilical residue Keeping me from killing you

[Verse 2] And from pulling you down with me here I can almost hear you scream

[Bridge] One more medicated, peaceful moment Give me one more medicated, peaceful moment

And I don't wanna feel this overwhelming hostility I don't wanna feel this overwhelming hostility

[Chorus] Gotta cut away, clear away Snip away and sever this umbilical residue Gotta cut away, clear away Snip away and sever this umbilical residue Keeping me from killing you

[Outro] (Snip away and sever this) Keeping me from killing you

[ghostevro]

Metaphor for a missing moment

Pull me into your perfect circle

One womb, one shame, one resolve

Liberate this will to release us all

Gotta cut away, clear away

Snip away and sever this umbilical residue

Keeping me from killing you

And from pulling you down with me in here

I can almost hear you scream

One more medicated, peaceful moment

Give me one more medicated, peaceful moment

And I don't wanna feel this overwhelming hostility

I don't wanna feel this overwhelming hostility

Gotta cut away, clear away

Snip away and sever this umbilical residue

Gotta cut away, clear away

Snip away and sever this umbilical residue

Keeping me from killing you

Snip away and sever this

Keeping me from killing you

[frogluvrsworld]

3 a.m., drinkin' with this pistol on my lap, uh

Six medications, guess there ain't no fixin' that

It's that broken motherfucker, knucklin' 'til I relapse

If I die, they might cry 'til they inherit my stacks

What a cold fuckin' world, tell me what's the word?

Only time I speak my heart is when the message come out slurred, uh

People-pleasing, always eager to fix a motherfucker's problems

Leave me at the bottom, more comfortable with Gomorrah and Sodom

I chew on fent' and rot my teeth

All for moments of peace and slow heartbeats

Got offered a God I dissed, who gon' save me? (Heh)

All I could do is laugh and say "c'est la vie" (whoa, ye)

Woe is me, I know you get the picture, uh

This type of pain will earn you seven figures

Check my DNA, my RNA come with predictors

This shit is scripture and for what I got, there's no elixirs, uh

Feel like I'm not enough, uh

Find myself playing my dad like Honey Boy and Shia LaBeouf, uh

My mama crying as she watch the clock

Text my bro I love him, even though he got my number blocked

I would give up everything to see my brothers clean

No second thoughts, it's fuck the cost or take me, leave 'em be

Take my money, say you love me, even if it's lies

That connection's so depressing but it's all I got (when I die)

When I die just play this fucking song

I was never meant for this, been tortured just to carry on (when I die)

Couple coupes, lotta zeroes and a couple homes

None of it did shit for me, cock the pistol and now I'm- (when I die)

Ayy, head in the clouds, it look like it might rain again

Always holdin' back tears, it's how I manage to pay the rent

Pay the bills, place the bet so I don't have to chase the check

Verified through $uicide, the glitz and glamour came and went

Wash my fucking soul and still that one stain is kept

I just wanna be loved, the root of all my pain

Except the type that comes with age

In death, I can finally lay and rest

I'm owed a little peace and I'm ready to erase the debt (I- I- I-)

I never planned on showing the world the face that hides behind the mask

I always thought the last thing I would hear would be the gun's blast

Fill in the black hole in my chest with sex and drugs, but it never lasts, it never lasts

Shit, two years ago Big Pharma should've just cashed me out

Now I got a deviated septum, I'mma just rat me out

Pat me down, ask me how I'm still depressed!

All they see is my set, all they see is lack of debt

All they see is what they wanna see

Calling me a wannabe

I don't wanna be in misery, exit the pharmacy

Get a girl I wanna see, I wanna see how hard I bleed

When she rips out my fucking heart, enter the pharmacy

I'm a private person and take pride in my verses

Fuck your whole opinion, I don't care if it worsens

I'll ruin my reputation and make sure it's on purpose

Fuck this shit!

When I die just play this fucking song

I was never meant for this, been tortured just to carry on (when I die)

Couple coupes, a lot of zeros and a couple homes

None of it is shit for me, cock the pistol and now I'm- 💀

[thegisforgenese]

I figured I'd take a moment to write since I'm up... I don't have the words to say right now but I know me... If I keep typing, the words will come..

What a weekend. Wow what a week..life has been crazy lately.. somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster. But somehow I still keep staying positive. I give that credit to God and myself.

God is definitely answering my prayers lately and I'm so appreciative. But also big kudos to myself for trying to stay on top of my mental health. Writing is keeping me above the waters right now. I may not always post my thoughts publicly, but I'm doing what needs to be done privately.

Random thoughts that I'm gonna touch on today.... When it comes to dating, WoA comes in at #4 for my love language. In other words, I don't really need much encouragement from my partner. But what I've now discovered about myself through writing is that my #1 love language for loving myself is WoA. Typically, what happens is that I go long periods of not talking to myself. Not encouraging myself. Not reminding myself of who I am.. and I fall into this state of depression. So then once I hit rock bottom, I'll write myself a novel reinstating my confidence and abilities and I have to do it multiple times a day for like a week. But then as usual, I get too comfortable and I stop writing. And the cycle repeats itself. Life keeps happening and my cup starts running dry...

I have to learn to pour into myself more. Regularly.. maybe even daily.. If I'm not loving me, who else will love me? How can I love others?

I'm grateful for 2022. It started off so rocky. Definitely found myself giving up at one point and I still have slight moments where I wanna throw in the towel. But I refuse to let my circumstances write out my future. I've already envisioned a future for myself. It's up to me to see it through. But I MUST love me in order to get there. Loving me keeps me balanced.. medicates my mental... And it reminds me that I'm confident and capable.

Peace is something that I long for. I feel like I see it and it strangely "feels" close by... But I keep asking myself if what I feel is unrealistic. Bc again... Given the circumstances, peace is nowhere near. My circumstances tell me that a major earthquake is on the way. But somehow, I'm just calm.. I still feel prepared to get through it. I can't explain this calmness. And God knows my circumstance is so ugly right now.. but I believe in him. And I believe in me. I will conquer this. I just gotta keep watering his little crop. It's harvesting season and my leaves are protected by the highest power.

[suffering-with-fiery]

Rune translations and Bottom theories (I did my best!) (: It's long! I mean REALLY REALLY REALLY LONG!!!! You've been warned. (Potential TWs below the cut) yeah Hyoga doesn't have a good time here.

I should probably start calling Hyoga "Hyouga" instead since I'm pretty sure it's spelled with a 'U'... but I probably won't. Apologies.

Bottom English translation by Tackmyn Y! (I can't speak Japanese, again, apologies, though I was able to make my own version of Autophagy)

Potential TWs (I dont want to harm anyone by going on this rant): Autophagy (medical terms), nightmares, demons tormenting a guy, Hyoga being unhealthy in more ways than one, mentions of death/murder, self esteem issues, mentions of destructive behavior, manipulation, violence.

Yeah, my boy Hyoga ain't having a good time in this theory.

I feel the need to clarify that this is all speculation. So uh. Everything here is just what I've been thinking about since I hopped into this rabbit hole.

Sinfan (I'm not sure what order they go in, it's quite hard to tell):

["Death"

"I"

"Revive"

"Spirit"

"I"

"Something with shape"]

I'm not fully sure what "something with shape" means, but there's a possibility that Sinfan could be referring to Hyoga, (a doll/wax figure) or maybe that Sinfan needs something with a shape to be able to exist. Sinfan could need a vessel to stay on the mortal plain and go undetected while staying alive.

Sinfan needs a vessel. And with that thought, it launches into indecipherable theory crafting.

Hyoga summoned Sinfan when he was 12 years old. Thinking he found a vessel, he called upon Pabometh, another grey demon, to help torment Hyoga so the two could get their wish.

Hyoga, at the time, is young, dumb and susceptible to manipulation, meaning it could be easy for Sinfan to grasp the situation with an iron grip which follows Hyoga into adulthood.

"Revival" could also be referring to "Rebirth," symbolized by a butterfly. It could also mean that Sinfan/Pabo has the powers to revive people. Maybe as a last resort if they need it.

In Hiiragi Kirai's album trailer on Youtube, Hyoga shows up in a scene with 'D' and 'B' in calligraphy on each cheek. They could mean "Death" and "Birth" respectively.

Lines from Autophagy:

"I just wants a peaceful life." Likely means Hyoga wants the demons gone so he can live how he wants to. (Who wouldn't?)

"The voice inside my head? Huh... how odd." Also implies that the demons are still with him.

"My body pulses, memories from my past bringing pain." Means that in Autophagy, Hyoga remembers his past, but it hurts him.

""You can't avoid it in life, so it's best to just deal with it." You say, but you dont seem bothered." Is most likely Sinfan talking to Hyoga. It could also mean that Hyoga can't avoid the demons, so he should just deal with it.

"I can't stop now, so pretend nothing happened!" Could be Hyoga trying to ignore the demons, or maybe he did something he shouldn't have. (Always knew those were prison tattoos...)

"I want to wash my skull out! I want to say bye bye! But yet I didn't do it..." Could mean that the demons are still with him in Autophagy and likely still tormenting him.

"I won't stop, I can't look back." Might mean Hyoga is trying to move on, but with the demons still in his head, he can't, so the "Let me forget!" after the instrument solo might be him wishing that he never remembered in the first place and trying to get the demons to take them away again.

"Just stay away from me!" Could be Hyoga distancing himself from everyone he knows, or trying to get the demons to go away.

"Hello! HAHAHAHA Hello! HAHAHAHAHA!" Might be Hyoga as he slowly loses his remaining sanity due to constant tormenting and pressure from the demons.

"A A A A- 'Allo/Allow/Arrow" could all imply different things, so I'll give a short on all of them.

"'Allo!" Is just an abbreviation of "Hello."

"Arrow!" -According to a quick google search- is a common symbolism for peace and philosophical ideas, and used for protection and hunting. It could mean that Hyoga just wants peace and quiet, which is enforced by "I just want a peaceful life." in the beginning.

"Allow!" Could mean that the demons are trying even harder to bend him to their will and take him over as a vessel. They want Hyoga to allow them to posses him so they can do whatever they please.

Pabo only has 2 that I can see:

["Nightmare"

"Save (?)ime"]

It might be "time" but I couldn't make out the rune symbol there.

"Nightmare" hardens my thought that Bottom is just a massive nightmare set up by the demons to torment Hyoga, that the song is sung from the perspective of one of the demons (likely Pabo), and that Young Hyoga(tm) in the video is Pabometh playing the part of his repressed/forgotten memories.

This is all assuming the song is, infact, sung by the demons.

Lines from Bottom:

"You're keeping me alive! Today, today, you're killing me!" Could go both ways (Pabo/Sinfan and Hyoga) For Pabo it could just be another variation of the next line I'm about to talk about.

For Hyoga it could mean that he wouldn't be able to function if he didn't have the demons (Sinfan might posses him to make him fit in so nobody notices, keep him from dying from mortal wounds, and he's lived with them so long he might not know what to do without them), but with them he's slowly tearing himself apart from the inside out due to their constant tormenting. Metaphorically or literally is anyone's guess at the moment.

"Autophagy" (his songs name) is a medical term for "self eat" which normally happens when your body is starved, so it eats it's own cells to survive as long as it can. It can also correlate to certain diseases. Autophagy in these terms might also be referring to emotions. It's possible he's been stewing in any sort of negative emotions to cause such effects. (I.E: Guilt, fear, self worth issues,) which could make his resolve weaker, making it easier for Pabo and Sinfan to torment him/possess him. The longer it goes on, the closer he could be to self destructing.

"A wax figure/a doll is keeping me alive/killing me." Is more related to the demons in my eyes. "Wax figure/a doll" is likely referring to Hyoga. Hyoga could be their only tie to the mortal realm, (Sinfan being more prominent because he was summoned first, and by Hyoga himself.)

It could also mean that they need to inhabit his mind/body in order to survive and make it easier to torment Hyoga. If they both are in Hyoga's mind 24/7 while he suffers from nightmares (which cause lack of sleep, keeping his body in a perpetually weak state), no self worth, and a fragile mental state ("I wanna keep you out of my fragile mind!") while he tears himself apart, it would mean it would be harder to stay with him without something happening.

Due to that, it's likely that the very thing keeping them alive and in the mortal realm is also killing them at the same time.

It may be worth mentioning that a line in Bottom is "You think you're a god to me?" while 9lore translated Rinen's (Möbius') tattoo on his chest, which reads "Be still and know that I am god." It could a a coincidence, but I thought I'd mention it just in case (:

Throughout the entire song the demons are mocking and belittling Hyoga. (I.E: "Defying all logic, you're nothing but evil." "You're so stupid! You scumbag, scumbag, scumbag!") Most of the angry rant type of thing happens when Young Hyoga (tm) is on-screen. (It could be a tactic to make Hyoga not want to remember/manipulate his memories/tear down his resolve even more/or just plain upset him.)

"I mean, who, who, who are you?" It's been made clear that for the longest time (according to WOOMA) Hyoga didn't even remember his own name. "Who are you?" might be Pabo trying to get into Hyoga's head and make him question his own sanity.

"What the hell are you to me?" Implies that Pabo also want Hyoga to question why Pabo is here. Sinfan was summoned by Hyoga, but Pabometh was likely summoned by Sinfan to help tear down Hyoga. That means the two don't have much history, and Hyoga most likely doesn't know why Pabo is here for awhile.

It's "you to me" instead of "me to you" so Pabo could also be trying to get Hyoga to try and notice him in a positive way so that the nightmares stop. I'll expand on that some more a few (a lot) of paragraphs down.

"Inside my heart is- such a rage! Such a rage! So I'll grab you, grasp you, and crush you flat!" Is a line I find interesting. It also leads directing into another line; "The symptom of the unforgettable emotion is my burning intent to murder, which is absolutely right." Pabo would likely be talking about Hyoga, which implies that if he could, Pabo would murder Hyoga himself, but since the "wax figure" is needed to keep both him and his accomplice, Sinfan, alive, he can't.

It also implies that Pabo is extremely angry with Hyoga, for a reason I can't particularly pinpoint, except maybe for the fact that Hyoga's becoming more and more unstable and not safe for Pabo and Sinfan. The only problem is, it's Pabo and Sinfans fault he's like that. They're the ones that chose Hyoga as a vessel while simultaneously destroying him.

However, it's possible that Pabo's aim was to devoid Hyoga of anything and everything, (I.E: memories, emotions, etc. etc.) so that he was just that: a vessel. But with Hyoga being so destructive to himself, the whole plan could have gone awry and Pabo's only thought was how furious he was at Hyoga for messing up his chance to be in the mortal realm undetected for good, meaning he wishes he could destroy Hyoga and just get it over with so him and Sinfan could wait until someone else summoned them so they could take advantage of that.

""How deplorable you are! How deplorable you are!"" Is a line that has a chance of Hyoga himself having said it due to it having quotes on it. It also implies that he he could be fighting back, so his resolve might not crushed completely. However, a show of strength like that would likely just enrage Pabometh even more than he already is. It also doesn't help the positive impression he wants Pabo to have of him.

"You're involving yourself with me again like a clingy, clingy neighbor!" Sounds like Pabo, again, insulting Hyoga. If we go off of another part of this fever dream I've cooked up, (Hyoga not knowing what to do without the demons, but with them destroying himself), sounds like Pabo doesn't want to be with Hyoga anymore, going as far as hating him so much he's festering in it.

The "again" makes it sound like Hyoga's tried to communicate with them more than once, being unsuccessful each time. Hyoga could be trying to latch onto them, either to take them down with him or trying to get the nightmares to stop. Like I said, for a while Hyoga could have been trying to get positive attention and make Pabo like him.

"The low-end is going to manipulate me." Could be Pabo addressing that he knows what Hyoga was trying to do and calling him out for it.

"Brimming with momentary anger, rot away quickly, quickly, quickly!" Again, Pabo is talking about his burning hatred for Hyoga.

"I'm always losing! How, how dare you!" Implies that even with all the nightmares and torment, Hyoga has just enough willpower to keep Pabo from getting his wish, angering him even more.

And finally, a line from Autophagy:

"Oh, rise seeds of evil, bursting with malice!" Might be Hyoga finally giving into the demons and becoming their vessel if they take away his painful memories and stop hurting him.

Pentagram:

["-r Guide(A) N(?)E A(?)R"

"The ability to know wh-"

"Grant me the power to be strong in spirit-"

"Grant me the wisdom to understand-"]

With it over Pabo, it's possible that this was the one that summoned Pabo instead of Sinfan, although with it also under Hyoga, it could be Sinfan's. Who knows, it might also be boths.

In the ending scene with the pentagram, the colors of the other songs are visible, meaning that it's possible all of them are connected.

(I could go on for hours about the small loopholes that I think mean all the songs are connected in specific ways. Either way I know they're all from the same universe.)

With all their colors on it, it might mean they all have a demon of their own.

I'm still working slightly on the pentagram, I'll probably keep ya updated if I can find out what the rest of it says (:

If anyone can find the full version (preferably readable) of the pentagram, that'd be lovely (if it even exists)

(If you find more runes in "Bottom" or another Hiiragi song I'd be happy to see if I can translate it (: I'm not very good though, and I can't speak Japanese-)

English translation of Bottom used by: Tackmyn Y (I don't know where you are but you're a lifesaver)

Find any spelling errors, let me know! I'll see if I can fix 'em (:

If you read this far, what're you doing??

Have an absolutely amazing day!!! <3

[suganovakawa]

𝐒𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐀𝐃𝐄 .

PAIRINGS : tooru oikawa x fem! reader , platonic hajime iwaizumi x fem! reader

GENRE : romance , angst

WARNINGS : cursing , amnesia , implied car accident

SYNOPSIS : tooru doesn’t understand how special you are to him until he comes close to losing you forever . as he struggles to comes to grips with his feelings and balance it with his future , you still have to recover from your own injuries , but without your memories to assist you .

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 < [ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄 ] > 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐒𝐈𝐗 .

tooru’s karma hit him harder than expected . . . not to worry , because hajime is here to help you through everything .

word count : 1.3k

saudade masterlist.

SAUDADE

( 𝐧 . ) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant , or that has been loved and then lost ; “ the love that remains ”

⠀a blur of brunette whirred past hajime's eyes as he walked to your room, his hands wringing in his pockets nervously. this was the same routine he'd been following for the past two weeks - ever since you were first admitted into the hospital in your comatose state. the sight of you unconscious in the middle of the road was a vision he never wanted to see nor experience ever again; he'd do everything in his power to prevent it from happening again.

⠀everything was in a blur as he ran to your side after the accident, the car that committed the hit-and-run already long gone. his hands shook uncontrollably as he picked you up in his arms effortlessly, watching your eyes flutter in an effort to stay conscious.

⠀"y/n," he breathed shakily, his bridal style around you clenching as his steps moved faster and faster into a slow sprint, his shoulder checking into the doors leading into the school you had just exited moments ago. "stay with me. you're going to be alright. you're a strong, girl, you hear me?"

⠀"i-iwaizumi," was the only reply you had enough strength to mutter.

⠀none of the third years expected to see you, bleeding and half unconscious in iwaizumi's arms.

⠀"hanamaki," the ace barked, "call the ambulance. now."

⠀there were no further words shared as the light-haired male nodded hastily, his hands fumbling to find his cellphone, running out of aoba johsai to call for the hospital quickly.

⠀"matsukawa, take y/n's things and bring them to her home. tell her family what happened, and that we've already got an ambulance on the way. you remember where she lives, right?" iwa's jaw clenched as mattsun snapped out of his trance, still trying to grasp the sight before him. "right, matsukawa?"

⠀"y-yeah, iwaizumi. i'll go." he swallowed a nervous lump as he lumped all of your belongings into your bag. "y/n, please be okay." he could only look upon your weakened figure with eyes of pity, before taking his leave in a rush.

⠀"i... iwaizumi...?"

⠀"you." he had forgotten the captain's presence in the gym until his voice filled his ears, anger and resentment boiling his blood at high temperatures. his green eyes steeled over as he glared at your boyfriend, whose face had gone white at the sight of you in his arms. tooru reached a hand towards you, only to back up and flinch at the sound of hajime yelling at him.

⠀"you wanna know what the fuck i want you to do, oikawa?"

⠀hanamaki ran to the gym doors through iwa's peripheral vision, which meant the ambulance was coming soon. he turned to face his fellow third year once more, watching the fear in tooru's eyes wash over him like a disease.

⠀"don't you ever fucking step near y/n again."

⠀he stopped in surprise at the sight of your eyes blankly staring straight at the doorway he stood under; he noticed the grip your fingers held on your hospital bed sheets. too many words caught under his tongue as your look of unplaced fear turned to him. he didn't know how to start.

⠀"y/n?" whispered hajime, taking an easy, careful step in your direction. he didn't trust the lack of reaction in your eyes. "are you... alright?"

⠀he stopped in front of your hospital bed and took his hands out of his pockets, relaxing his posture to display peace. he waited for you to respond patiently; your eyes had wandered down to your hands, your monitors, slowly back up to look him in the eye. he wondered why you were taking so long to respond to just a simple question?

⠀"i'm sorry, really... i don't remember a thing."

⠀oh.

⠀that's why.

⠀"i scared the guy before by telling him the truth, i couldn't look at him long enough before he turned around and ran away... i don't want to scare you away, either." hajime pressed his lips together as you struggled to keep steady eye contact. "i don't remember anything, i swear. all i know, from what i heard, is that y/n is me."

⠀iwaizumi blinked at your words, as a way to process such information. he hadn't come to the hospital today and expected to greet you awake - and as a victim of amnesia, nonetheless. he wasn't scared, per se - his fists clenched when he realized you were describing oikawa as the wuss who ran away in his own selfishness. he shouldn't be surprised at this point. nothing was more obvious to hajime that tooru oikawa was a selfish bastard who didn't deserve to have you as his girlfriend.

⠀"hey." he reached forward and placed his hands on yours, his lips pursed as he felt the dryness of your skin on his palms. "you're not scaring me away. don't worry about that other guy, alright? he doesn't matter, if he didn't even care enough to stay. you've got me. your name is y/n - full name y/n l/n - that's correct. you're a third year at aoba johsai high school. the reason why you're in the hospital is because you were hit by a car."

⠀"that explains the pain i feel in my head..." your hands slowly moved from his, each index finger pressing against each of your temples. "i've had this sharp ringing in my head since i woke up."

⠀"you were hurt pretty badly, and it's a miracle you're in one piece." iwaizumi nodded, watching you press your temples with a quiet hiss from your lips. "i don't know your current medical condition, since i'm not your immediate family." when your eyes met his once more, he smiled. "but i'm really happy you're okay, y/n. even without your memories, you're a tough cookie. you'll get through it."

⠀for the first time today, your fear had dissipated from your body, a sense of comfort radiating from the mysterious boy clad in a school uniform. there were many questions floating in your thoughts, with no answers or conclusions to your problems. but watching him smile at you so kindly... you felt safe. white noise suffocated your thoughts, your memories; but with the feeling of someone's support, nothing felt more comforting in this present moment.

⠀"thank you." unsure of how to thank such generosity, you could only suffice with a simple bow of your head, since you couldn't really move much else in the confinement of your bed. "i feel guilty, for not remembering you, or your name. i can only assume we were good friends, right?"

⠀"...friends." the word dripped from hajime's tongue like poison, spitting it out with a bad aftertaste. even so, he covered such bitterness with another soothing grin. "i'd like to also believe we were good friends, great friends even, before your accident." he held a hand out for you. "my name is hajime. hajime iwaizumi. i'm your friend, and fellow third year at aoba johsai."

⠀iwaizumi sighed in relief as he watched you take his hand, and you two shook on it, the confusion in your eyes slowly disappearing with every passing second. "well then, iwaizumi, it's a pleasure to meet you... again."

⠀he pressed his lips firmly at the sound of his family name leaving your mouth, shaking his head subtly as he ruffled your hair gently with a gentle chuckle. "i'm afraid i have to leave soon, i've got a lot of homework to do, and i'm gonna tell the nurses that you were able to recover so quickly. i'll visit you tomorrow, so we'll talk some more tomorrow, alright?"

⠀you nodded. "yes. thank you again, iwaizumi. i'd be so lost without you."

⠀i'd be so lost without you.

⠀pride welled in his chest like a balloon, his hands sheepishly making way back into his dark beige pockets. damn right, he was going to be the one there for you, since a certain someone was too cowardly to do it himself. iwaizumi was going to preserve your smile, the happiness a person as beautiful as yourself was completely entitled to.

⠀hajime iwaizumi was going to be the one to give you the second chance you deserve. and he'll be damned if he ever let tooru oikawa dare to step foot near you and hurt you again.

⠀"don't mention it, y/n. ah, by the way, you can just call me hajime."

a / n : AND BEHOLD , THE LOVE RIVAL . i probably made it really obvious but ye ye , here we go ! the drama will now get crazier from here . now that school is out for the summer , def expect more updates more often ! thanks for reading , it means a lot to me 🥺

saudade taglist : @ot127 @rena0921 @karlitabi-rrito @psychicpercyjacksonfan @crescentbitch @amelimiles @damnirina @pasta-warlord @blossomingbangtan @clinomanians @i-am-kinda-in-alot-of-fandoms @manq-fandoms @cirtruss @sugar-wara @haikoo @anime-simp @kairostatue @awkwardspontaneity @iwantapoptartqwq @aquariarose @softestdreamer @plantisnotplant @avylee @froppysgirl @that-animebitch @wisepandaslimeland @samanthaa-leanne

taglist closed !

[my-writings-and-musings]

Oh no

Oh no what if he accidentally hurt the tiny human while he had his pychotic episode no I don't wanna think about how sad and miserable he would be but I can't help it

You don't have to think about because I'm gonna write it hehehehe... This is so angsty I'm sorry please forgive me I love this big boy but I HAD TO THERE'S SADNESS INBOUND BUT NO ONE IS ACTUALLY DEAD OR ANYTHING I PROMISE

It had happened in an instant. A single, ordinary, and at the time insignificant instant. He was telling himself now that it was an accident, after all, how could he have known the limits of an entirely foreign being's biology? All he'd wanted to do was emphasize a point, make the higher ups understand he meant business, but he certainly hadn't wanted to do any real damage! Autobots didn't do things like that, didn't use their power to subjugate the vulnerable, and he was as Autobot as you could be. Brutality against the defenseless just wasn't in him.

Oh, but the scans and medics knew better. The witnesses who'd seen it all play out in agonizing detail on their screen knew better. And deep down, under a whole lot of guilt and disgust and other unpleasant feelings... he knew better.

That injury had been no accident. The severity of it was unintentional, but he'd meant for there to be pain, and he knew it.

Your little body had been weightless in his massive hand, but that hadn't registered in that terrible moment, and neither had all the kindness you'd shown him from the day you'd met... All he'd felt was that awful sense of weakness only rage seemed capable of stifling. But that rage needed fuel, and when he recalled how much brighter it had burned impaling the copter to the floor, how the agony of his capture had been so far away for one beautiful instant... Anything seemed worth the price to feel such relief again. So he'd squeezed. Just a little, a barely perceptible flex of his hand, done without the desire to kill but with the full intent of causing pain. Pain that would come from someone else, anyone else, for a change.

In the haze of it all he really couldn't remember what he'd thought when the sickening little crack has resonated through the room, followed by more vastly differing attempts at peace from his two other hostages, but he prayed for his sake that he'd at least been decent enough to be horrified. Seeing crimson come up with your cough had done that much.

Of course, sitting here in a cell with his cuffed hands looped around his knees, what did it really matter how he'd felt? None of that would change what he'd done. Who on this ship gave a damn if he felt bad for nearly killing the most vulnerable person on it? Maybe you would, once you woke up, if he ever got the chance to tell you. It seemed to him that knowing he was sorry might at least give you some peace, and that you'd heal a little more easily thinking he hadn't meant to break the "ribs" he'd been shown cracked in the scans. Reality forced him to admit you probably wouldn't care though.

Why would you? For all the time he'd spent helpless and hurting, how could he say he was any better than Overlord, when he'd almost immediately turned around and inflicted the same pain on someone else? The situation he'd created had only ended when a perfectly innocent bot had taken the shot meant to put him down, and who was to say he'd have stopped there if Whirl hadn't incapacitated him? Of the two beings who'd shown him the most kindness, you were broken and Rung was dead. What separated him from that monster now?

On the floor of his lonely cell his helm sank into his knees, tears hot and burning but ignored on his cheeks, when he realized he had no answer.