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ayankun · 5 years ago

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The Asset

so I’m making my mom watch Agents of SHIELD (obviously) and today we watched eps 1x03 - 1x06. That’s The Asset, Eye Spy, Girl in the Flower Dress, and FZZT.

THEN I ACCIDENTALLY SPENT LIKE FIVE HOURS DISSECTING MY LEAST FAVORITE EPISODE YOU’RE WELCOME

First off, full spoilers ahead, of course.

1x03 is, hands down, the worst episode of the series. PERIOD. I didn’t give it my full attention when I did my rewatch, because I remembered it well enough for some reason and the guy that plays Quinn looks too much but not enough like Tahmoh Penikett to seriously irritate me. DODGED A BULLET THERE.

Giving it your full attention does not do it any favors. I was physically discomfited, squirming in my seat and dropping snide remarks every 12 seconds. It’s bad, you guys.

First off, we have this guy, who is, for now in S1, the one and only “Agent Mack.”

THE SIMILARITIES ARE UNCANNY.

Then this big rig gets dropped like 50 feet and I’m supposed to believe that this guy strapped in the back only had his glasses knocked askew?

Ok then we go see what the team is up to, and lord, three episodes has not been enough time for Chloe or Brett to Figure Their Shit Out. They’re so awkward and dumb looking.

After a passable briefing scene, where we learn that Baldy McGlasses is a valuable asset (and beloved advisor to FitzSimmons) who was being transported with maximum security before being kidnapped, we get this wildly wild “we have to put something on the screen while exposition happens” shot:

Which cuts contemporaneously to

Thanks I hate it

Where did the atmospheric smoke go? Was that highway always there? What time of day is this supposed to be where the ambient light changes so drastically over a matter of seconds? They couldn’t have kept the camera on the left side of the lane marker?

But it gets worse because Simmons has a line and the coverage for this is basically just a matched jump cut over to the other half of the line up and back again.

I can’t stand it.

So Agent Mack survived the fall and is still on the scene of the accident. My mom was pretty incredulous that he was alive, and I was thinking it was too bad that he had to sit there for hours waiting to be debriefed instead of being taken to a hospital.

THEN there’s some FitzSimmons pratfall-adjacent sci-fi nonsense that my mom really got a kick out of. But I was too distracted by Iain’s decision to play Fitz as a douchebag so far this season so I wasn’t in the right mood to be impressed.

Ok then we go back to the lab to do some science on the MacGuffin, and I will admit my favorite part so far is Skye challenging Coulson on the existence of the truth serum, and Coulson plays it so Coulson-y it’s truly chef’s kiss.

BUT THEN May comes along and drops 100 pounds of print media for Skye to review (oh yeah, there’s a key subplot about there potentially being a mole inside SHIELD, which is how McGlasses got got) and MY MOM who REGULARLY prints out things like Facebook posts to keep for posterity rightly pointed out that they have high-tech on this plane like holograms and stuff, so printing out all this correspondence in order to go through it page by page makes 0% sense.

Also we never see it again.

OKAY THEN COULSON AND WARD ACCOST A COWBOY RIDING A HORSE THROUGH THE WOODS. Said cowboy also just happens to have the incriminating bag of gold on his person, which Coulson and Ward straight up steal. That’s it. That’s the whole concept for the scene. Coulson’s just parked his car along a narrow woodland path, just waiting for a cowboy to come riding along so he can accost him/steal his gold.

Check out how whack this scene-setting shot is, too. We have Coulson on the left, facing the Cowboy on the right. At this trajectory, you can see that Lola and the horse are basically pointed perpendicular to one another.

Yet cowboy pulls to a stop without banking and addresses something dead ahead of him.

Surprise! Coulson’s over there now and Lola and the horse are facing dead on.

To really drive this home, cowboy spends the rest of the scene on the left, addressing Coulson who remains on the right.

Anyway so yeah, this scene is about roughing up an innocent civilian for intel and then stealing his legally acquired wealth.

At least they can’t take the sky from him.

The purpose of the cowboy gold is that it’s directly traceable back to Quinn Worldwide, which is hilarious considering that one assumes the under-the-table transaction used this method of currency in order to not be easily traced.

Coulson name drops Quinn like he’s some off-brand Tony Stark that we should be impressed with, and we are immediately shown that Ian Quinn’s defining characteristic is that he has an assistant to hang up his cell phone calls for him. We are not impressed with Ian Quinn.

OKAY AND THEN WE GET THIS COMPLETE MIS-READ OF SCRIPT INTENT IN THIS SHOT

why why why why why why would you ignore a character’s line like that. Why are you choosing to TELL me that a man is tied up when it would be SO EASY to SHOW me.

Especially since the narrative so far is that McGlasses has been skillfully kidnapped by a very determined adversary, and this moment, this interaction, is where that assumption is proven erroneous. Quinn’s line is a very specific cue that we are meant to SEE that he’s restrained, per our expectations following a kidnapping, specifically to introduce the twist that Quinn is just that budget Tony Stark who actually has no malicious intentions towards his former colleague.

A super close close up of McGlasses fails to achieve that moment the script was hunting for. I’m feeling that the intent was to keep the focus on this dude because of the upcoming secondary twist where he is revealed to be the SHIELD mole who masterminded his own kidnapping, but this guy is So Bad at acting I don’t think keeping him front and center is ever going to pay off.

(ok I just checked and it turns out Ian Hart is a prolific English actor. this makes me feel like I ought to chalk it up to “difficulty emoting while doing a fake American accent” but guys this performance is so bad I’m really not willing to believe there’s a good excuse)

anyway it turns out Quinn’s good guy!

.....but then he’s on the wrong side of the shot all of a sudden for no good reason and HEY maybe this set up with the wide angle on the lab and a clear look at McGlasses’ physical situation within that environment would have been an alternative for, you know, maybe some sort of establishing shot? Maybe? No?

Also here let’s take a moment to let the “plot” really sink in. These two chuckleheads are former classmates and colleagues, even though one of them looks about 20 years older than the other, and Quinn discovered that “an asset” was being moved, “deduced” that the asset was McGlasses, and wanted to bring McGlasses in on his semi-nefarious science plan. So to avoid SHIELD interference in his schemey scheme, Quinn

kidnaps McGlasses directly from SHIELD custody,

in the showiest manner, not only using but LEAVING BEHIND the exact product at the core of his scheme,

and pays a local cowboy with easily traceable gold in exchange for just some regular backhoe to bust open the big rig transporting McGlasses, instead of, I don’t know, using his massive wealth and influence and in-house R&D products to not massively incriminate himself

He couldn’t have just invited McGlasses over without calling attention to himself?

There is the way that “the asset” was being “moved” makes it sound like McGlasses was on top secret lock down with no civilian rights or means of making/receiving contact with people like old colleagues. But this is never clarified, like, the only other thing we know about him is that he evidently advises classes at the Sci-Ops branch of the SHIELD academy.

ALSO we have yet to learn that McGlasses personally staged “being moved” and leaked the hints regarding the identity of “the asset” to Quinn just so that Quinn would do all these nonsense things he done. He couldn’t have just invited himself over???

Also the conversation they have at this point is real rough, with non-sequiturs, shambling exposition, and garbage jokes that wouldn’t float even if you didn’t have a log and a ham struggling to mimic human behavior.

Also Quinn bought the PRIME MINISTER OF MALTA’S old manor specifically because it has a huge underground lab???? What about Malta do I need to know about before this makes sense?

Let’s move on. FitzSkimmons have an only-mostly painful scene of exposition in which Iain is still having a hard time with the lines/characterization the Powers That Be are forcing Fitz to be at the moment. I’m going to say it. Season 1 Fitz is Utterly Unlikable.

However, this rant has given me the opportunity to 1) stand corrected and 2) appreciate this understated joke:

She’s still on page 1 of 1 billion LOLOLOLOL

The other nice thing to come out of this scene is the casual validation that the public school system may not be right for everyone, and that being a high school drop out does not mean you can’t also be an intelligent self-starter who finds value and satisfaction in picking up a trade skill on your own. *coughs in Robbie Reyes*

UGH but then we go back to McWooden and Bargain Ham. Their story is UNINTERESTING and their performances are HARD TO STOMACH. Also it ends on a mirror of the shot we started with (so there is some evidence of intelligent design at play here after all)

But this framing makes me so uncomfortable like, I’ve shipped for less don’t put weird ideas in my head that no one wants least of all me--

Ok. We’re a third of the way through. It doesn’t stop getting worse.

So here’s the correct way to reposition your characters if you want to change up the eye lines without making it super jarring! The start of this scene is actually really textbook-nice, just look:

The pre-mission planning is already in full swing, but we follow Skye, the outsider on the outside, approaching the scene with some amount of hesitation.

She starts on the right, facing left, and crosses across the path of the camera as it follows her towards the meeting, ending up on its left while the folks currently giving lines are framed over her right shoulder. Your eye line and sense of positioning has fluidly followed hers, and this makes sense.

From this establishing shot, we do a real nice punch in on Coulson as he’s speaking, using a really action smooth cut as he does a bit of business with his hand.

We’re still coming into this scene from Skye’s POV, and this shot reflects that -- close enough to focus on the important action, but distant enough to show Skye’s current position (literally and figuratively) relative to the rest of the team.

The reverse shot is ... fine. It’s fine. I don’t like that she’s framed on the right hand side of the screen (exactly where Coulson was a split second ago), but the eye lines still match up and it does give the impression that the camera is the avatar of the audience and we just turned on the spot to look at her as she quietly invites herself to this scene and starts putting that big beautiful brain of hers to work.

Then we leave her to it! Feel the difference this cut has, emotionally, from the last time we looked over at Coulson:

We’ve left Skye’s aloof POV and now we’re all up in his biz. This framing tells us he’s no longer the subject of Skye’s contemplation and has gone back to being a character of the TV screen doing TV character things.

The remainder of this scene holds onto that “normal” shot-reverse-shot framing of the team as they give their opinions and work through the plan.

This laudable result of thoughtful camera work is almost instantly ruined by Fitz yammering on about using a brave little monkey to do their serious spy business and HOLY COW Iain does his best with the dreck he’s been given but there is no universe in which I will find this type of dialogue acceptable.

The valuable plot point here is that Skye is finding her footing on the team, doing hacky stuff on her phone and putting herself out there as -- wait for it -- an asset to Coulson. Ward responds to this with bafflement, being generally supportive of her known abilities while also being doubtful that she’s a complete package, and turning to Coulson for advice on how to round her training out.

This results in yet another JARRING AF transition (read: there’s no transition) from Ward and Coulson’s heart to heart to Ward pointing a gun at Skye at some indeterminate amount of time later.

Look we haven’t even had time to ingest Coulson’s line yet and BAM we’re here.

This scene’s fine. It’s doing double duty and that’s admirable. Triple duty, even. Many duties are being performed in this scene. We have

fledgling Skyeward

the introduction to the gun-manipulation maneuver Skye will use later on

Skye’s irreverence butting heads with Ward’s need for brass-tacks

at least one solid joke at Ward’s expense

Ward valuing Skye’s er, assets -- I’M TALKING COMPUTER SCIENCE YA PERVS

a very competent conversational segue into Ward’s Whole Deal, wherein we are introduced to the concept of his childhood trauma (lolol and man does Brett just fail to deliver these lines in any sort of a way that inspires human empathy wowowo he’s so bad in this one)

a callback to an earlier conversation as well as a set up for a future joke

SKYE STEALING WARD’S GUN FROM OUT OF HIS PANTS A++++

Now we go into pre-heist plan-walkthrough mode, and it’s so boring and lifeless that Skye’s actual summary line is “Plan, green, drop, walk ... pie.” To be honest, she got more out of the discussion than I did.

May has an interesting character moment where she’s complaining about going into the field and then immediately regrets it because she was never going to be sent in, but that means Coulson’s going in instead and that worries her. I keep thinking back on this season as being unfocused, but that’s because I forget that the sales pitch for this entire shebang is “we killed Coulson in Avengers but now here’s a show where he’s the lead because everyone loves him so much” and the subsequent focus of the inaugural season is everyone’s burning curiosity to find out how they undid his murder.

Aside from the sci-fi/Marvel/generic spy show gimmick of the week, these early episodes never fail to prioritize the interpersonal dynamic of their team while simultaneously teasing out the Coulson mystery with these nice little regular hits.

I let it keep playing while I was typing, and we flew over some whatever business where Skye goes to Quinn’s party, and Coulson and Ward land their little raft on the beach, and the other kids are watching from the Bus and FITZ IS AGAIN TERRIBLE

I feel you, Jemma.

(Also, am I wrong in hearing him give in and say “boobs?” The Netflix subtitles have it as “oops” but that can’t be it.)

Anyway so Skye’s busy using her Assets to win Quinn over, and Chloe’s shining moment in this scene is the delivery of the drivers test joke.

Back to stuff that’s gratingly awful, we’re supposedly on Malta, right? And you know how Hollywood generally and the spy show/movie genre specifically tries to stretch their location budgets by putting on color filters to “evoke” distant lands?

We go from the above, washed out and unfiltered, to this sepia-toned nonsense:

This is supposed to be taking place basically right outside. Why not just keep the filter on for the interior scenes, too? There’s plenty of searing Maltese light coming in through that wall of windows.

(They must have had a hard time on location for the manor shoots, though, it’s just as washed out in the earlier scene set outdoors that I didn’t show you because it was boring but I’m showing you know because it’s not even the same color filter as the Coulson/Ward shots

)

((Also, yeah, I get it. You can’t fly to Malta for a day for a television shoot. But how many people are you fooling when you put the Santa Monica mountains in the backdrop of every exterior shot?))

So we go back and forth between these high-grain-low-saturation beachfront stuff to these holy angelic light of judgement shots and I hate it.

Like, why choose to shoot against this nuclear-blast light? It’s not doing your actors any favors.

Especially when you’re ALSO choosing to depict that same “natural” light with a whole different palette and then continue to give us the opportunity to compare and contrast.

Also I hate the Ward/Coulson business because it’s just generic spy stuff where some guards come out of nowhere and I guess maybe it’s implied that their cute boat was found but it could just as easily be that it was explicitly stated that there were guard patrols and I forgot.

But then they fight and defeat the guards in literally under 8 seconds and that’s that. End of stakes.

The character moment that validates this trivial obstacle is that Coulson tries to do something with a gun and finds that May’s concerns weren’t entirely unfounded. He’s a little rusty.

Also Ward’s response to this is to chuck the gun into the laser wall and I don’t know why. In any case, the energy from both of them in this screenshot really resonates with me.

So then Skye Does The Thing with her Assets and if you’ll let me be picky again about plot holes, why does the wireless access MacGuffin need to have an interface for Skye to check that the connection is possible, and THEN have that connection activated by LITERALLY dropping it on the table. They couldn’t have set it to auto-scan and then tell her through her earpiece to stay still when the connection activated itself?

Whatever. Success! Immediately followed by ... INEXPLICABLE OBSTACLE

WHO, praytell, is on the other end of that walkie talkie? Because the downed man is the man you see. Typically, it would be like a survivor of the scuffle who radios for backup, but here we see the scene of the scuffle and some unknown unseen ADDITIONAL MAN who I guess is just spying on them from somewhere and radioing still more unseen men?

Instantly hearing this news, the Unseen begin a sniper assault on Coulson and Ward, and we get to see their bullets getting evaporated by the laser wall. Remember those guards walking along the sea cliff towards the sign? There’s no place for the snipers to be sniping from, unless they have some kind of invisible floating island.

This scenario is made even more hilarious once Fitz brings down the laser wall and Coulson and Ward dive through like they think they some kind of James Bonds and then the wall goes back up and the snipers keep sniping.

Why aren’t the guards on the inside of the perimeter of the compound which they guard? This laser fence is now protecting the intruders. Minor design flaw.

Anywho, Quinn is still talking about how he doesn’t trust SHIELD and SHIELD doesn’t trust him, so it’s like, what are we supposed to believe about this guy anyway? Why did Coulson introduce him as bargain bin Tony Stark if he was known to be bargain bin Justin Hammer all along?

So now that snipers have failed to snipe the intruders, some Seen Guards come to alert Quinn so he breaks the wireless MacGuffin and turns a gun on Skye. (Just sayin, if it had been some secret device that was still in her bag, she’d have plausible deniability)

I think, at this point, I have two conclusions

Team Coulson has no extraction plan for getting McGlasses out of the compound since they don’t have a Plan B to get back through the laser wall, no firepower to use on the Seen Guards, and no available land-or-sea getaway vehicles.

There was never any sort of extraction plan for Skye even if the laser wall and the Seen Guards were not an obstacle.

Here’s where it gets the messiest.

Coulson busts in on McGlasses but is told no rescue is required.

AT THAT SAME TIME

May has just popped open a tablet over in some room by herself, evidently disinterested in whatever FitzSimmons is probably doing right now in light of this drastic turn of events, and she’s randomly googling up on the SHIELD leak mentioned earlier, only to discover that it was MCGLASSES ALL ALONG.

Keeps a cool head, our May.

Yeah, we know, we .. he ... he just said ... you know what? We didn’t actually care, though? Who the mole was or that it was McGlasses. We certainly didn’t spend the last half hour watching May diligently tracking down some breadcrumb trail of clues to get to this dramatic reveal, only to find out a second too late. We didn’t even see her checking up that Skye had/didn’t have this angle covered.

Did she print out the contents of the four-foot binder as some sort of eco-terrorist cruel joke since she was just planning on spending three seconds on the computer to complete the same task?

Ok so Coulson misinterprets McGlasses’ decline of his rescue operation as collaboration with Quinn until May clues him in. We then go to commercials and come back and have to go over all this info again just in case we didn’t follow that super exciting double-cross the first two times.

At which point we figure out where all the pre-production time was sunk -- somebody had to spend a lot of effort envisioning how they were going to do the wacky-gravity scenes. My feeling is that fun challenges like that are what stand out to people who are working on a thing, and sometimes the prestige of “pulling that off” can overshadow the need to pay attention to other, less exciting aspects of filmmaking, like making sure your eye lines stay coherent in a scene or that your color gradings aren’t super distracting.

Anyway I do really like the load-bearing scene where Quinn threatens Skye at gunpoint because it is one of those many examples this season has of laying ground work for and paying off character moments.

Skye’s flip and smart and completely not ready for this level of field action, but she remembers her training, remembers how earnestly Ward wanted her to be ready for this defining moment, and gets the gun!

That “nOPE” when she can’t shoot the man is also Classic Skye and we Love Her For It.

Anyway oh yeah, McGlasses reveals his master plan to get kidnapped, so that he could get on site and ruin Quinn’s everything because he’s a Bad Justin Hammer. His performance is SO PAINFUL and his reasoning has yet to make sense. Coulson doesn’t ask “why did you have to be kidnapped to get in, though” but he does ask “why didn’t you try reasoning with him” as if that were the question we needed an answer to.

Also it turns out FitzSimmons has been pretty chill this whole time since their agents lost their extraction plan (well, they’re smart, they probably knew all along that there wasn’t one) and are just puttering around the lab working on what looks like their regular day-to-day science, talking excitedly about gravitonium rather than panicking that the whole plan’s gone to shit.

Unflappable.

COME ON PEOPLE the mission wasn’t “throw McGlasses into the gravitonium and do high-fives” it was “rescue McGlasses from Quinn’s grasp.” From the way that this plays out, there is 0% indication that their initial plan was ever expected to succeed.

WE DON’T EVEN SEE HOW THEY GET OUT OF THERE, WE JUST LOOK AT SOME MCGRAVITONIUM AND THEN SEE COULSON ON THE BUS INSTRUCTING THE CONTAINMENT FACILITY ON HOW IT SHOULD BE HANDLED.

Oh well, the gratuitous plot is disposed with after this point.

In the denouement, we get to see May and Coulson interact over his experience in the field and her experience being stuck watching him in the field. She’s finally ready for combat, but strictly for his sake. And he’s at the point where he’s ready and willing to take her up on her offer instead of trying to prove that he’s everything he was before he died.

Following that, we get some Skyeward with some really gross romantic comedy type music. Bear, you’re better than this!! But the scene is nice, Chloe really brings it (almost brings too much) and Brett is there to support her.

It’s a really on-the-nose admission from Skye that her allegiances lie with SHIELD, but its an organic continuation of that bit from earlier where she wandered all up on their meeting, the outsider, and pushed her way into the heart of it. She wants this. She wants to feel like she belongs here. And now she’s been trusted with some opportunities and tools to prove it!

This early in the season, we’re still doubtful that she’s on the up and up, what with that Rising Tide plot thread hanging so loose and tantalizing over our heads. Due to the potential of a storyline revolving around her betrayal, there are a lot of fun little moments in the next few episodes where Ward gets to say some betrayal-related stuff that is absolutely excellent in retrospect.

I was watching some old interviews and while it is very clear Brett did not know the fate of his character in advance, it’s also distinctly implied that no one knew and the arc of the season may have developed episode by episode. That’s so nutty to me, considering how strong the structure of the season is, how there are so many satisfying call backs and payoffs later on.

I think I’m more likely to applaud a well-plotted narrative, in which foreshadowing and a deliberate order of events slowly unravel to great effect. But I can definitely appreciate the ability to force the illusion of the same by being crafty and attentive and not letting any usable threads go to waste.

Ultimately, whether by design or by providence, Season 1 is successful in pulling it all together. It’s just that episodes like this one don’t really inspire you to believe that that outcome is likely, or even possible. Episodes like this one cause a person to give up watching halfway through the season and walk away for years until cajoled into giving it another shot because “it got good somehow.”

But what this season has, every episode, especially ones like this one, is a pronounced, chaotic, relentless prioritization of Character over Plot. What is this show about? Who cares. That’s the wrong question. This show could have been about anything, and these early episodes are all too aware of it. What kind of story can you tell when every option is on the table and no one knows what to expect from you?

You find that story, step by step, episode by episode, through the eyes of your characters. The forward motion of the story isn’t “how did Coulson come back to life” but “what is life going to be like for him now?” It’s not “will Skye betray the team” it’s “what does she want and what is she willing to do to get it?”

Posing and answering these character questions generates the Story of Agents of SHIELD. Plots be damned. Remember how at one point in this episode, our heroes robbed a cowboy at gunpoint? Yeah. Me either.

And I can’t agree more with this approach. In my experience, PWP works best when its about the characters.

#agents of shield #aos

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annelapedusbrest-blog · 6 years ago

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MY MEMORIES OF JOHANNESBURG - City of GOLD.

article published 4 Feb 2009. Written and compiled by Anne Lapedus Brest.

MEMORIES OF JOHANNESBURG, CITY OF GOLD

Written and Compiled By

On the 4th February 1961, when I was 14 years old, and my brother Robert was 11, our family came to live in Johannesburg.

We had left Ireland, land of our birth, leaving behind our beloved Grandparents, family, friends, and a very special and never-to-be-forgotten little furry friend, to start a new life in South Africa, land of Sunshine and Golden opportunity…………… The Goldeneh Medina…...

We came out on the “Edinburgh Castle”, arriving Cape Town 2nd Feb 1961. We did a day tour of Chapmans Peak Drive, Muizenberg, went to somewhere called the “Red Sails” and visited our Sakinofsky/Yodaiken family in Tamboerskloof.

We arrived at Park Station (4th Feb 1961), Jhb, hot and dishevelled after a nightmarish train ride, breaking down in De Aar and dying of heat.

We lived in Becker Street, Yeoville, Robert went to K.E.S and I went to Barnato Park (aka Johannesburg Girls’ High) in Berea. Robert was in Cadets , I played hockey, and bunked school (with Gilda Goldblatt!!) Our next-door neighbours were Michael and Sandra Golding, Zena and Teddy Cohen lived in Becker Street also and Ronnie and Nigel Baskin lived in Yeo Street near the Richters - Selma and Charles Richter,.

Girls at Barnato Park lived in mainly Hillbrow, Berea, Yeoville, Bellevue, Houghton, Orchards, Melrose and Dunkeld. After school, many of us would catch the 19 bus from Tudhope Avenue Berea to Raleigh Street, Yeoville, but many girls were collected by beautifully coiffed and bee-hived mothers with long painted nails, arriving to collect them in huge fancy Chevrolets, with big cats’ eye tail-lights.

ONLY IN SOUTH AFRICA …………………………….

Oy, but I had to get used to so many new expressions ……..

“ See you this arvy, Hey? “ and “See you just now, Annie” (I learnt the hard way that “Just Now” didn’t mean immediately)

“There’s the new girl in Form 3, …….. Shame!!” “My sister’s baby is so cute, …… Shame!

People would give me directions and tell me to turn at the robot.

Can I Lend your book?

Whatever I said, the girls would answer “Is it” ?

The shul is full of KUGELS……………….

Why did the bus-conductor call us all “Donkey” when he collected our tickets???? “Thank you,… Donkey” and the Klippies would say it in a high-pitched voice. “Thank you, donkeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyy”

You MUST come visit this arvy, see? You MUST go and see Cliff Richard at the Collosseum. You MUST buy the latest Elvis Presley record. MUST, MUST, MUST (only in South Africa! Say that “MUST” to people overseas, they think you are a control-freak). (took me a while to get used to it!!)

G.C. EMMMMM

Girls would talk about great talent at a party, and they talked about Chracks , boys talked about “good stock” .

It’s a blerry gemors!! Stoep. Goeie Môre , Lekker Bly,

My skat. Klop Dissel Boom gaan! Klappies. Lappies.

Wag ‘n bietjie. I’m Gatvol !!!! Deurmekaar.

Yislaaik! Herrrrrrre ! (Yurrah) Magtig!! …..Maggggggtigggggg !!! Vragtig! …….Vragggggtigggggg !!!!!!

Where’s the jol tonight, hey? Do youse know?

Don’t tune me kak, hey? Ag! Yes no fine. Stovies. He’s fab - such a doll !!!, He thinks he’s such a big Bok. It’s not so lekker.

Howzzit, my China. I smaak you.

Don’t chaaf my cherry, hey! Don’t grip my cherry…

Who do you think you’re looking at, China?

Don’t tune me grief, ek sê. Voetsak! Sies! Ag! Siestog, Jong!

My bike is buggered.

Bugger off !

He donnered her.

She Bliksemed him

They Revolting!

Sommer so …………………..

Don’t talk to them, they are all such Rubbishes.

Stiffies.

It’s Kwaai……..

Well, yes , no fine, Those were the days my friend we thought they’d never end …...

SUBURBS

In those days a majority of the Jewish community seemed to be living in Hillbrow, Berea, Bellevue, Yeoville , Cyrildene, Observatory, Dewetshof, Judith’s Paarl, Highlands North, Houghton, Dunkeld, Melrose, Hyde Park.

Suburbs where a lot of Jews also lived were Kensington, Emmarentia, Greenside, Doornfontein, Mayfair. Remember Fordsburg (Fitas). Also a Jewish area once upon a time.

Robert and I went to Yeoville Chader (The Bernard Patley), - Mr. SHATCHAN was the headmaster, and teachers I remember were Miss AARONS (Bella Golubchick) , Mr. Solly GOLDBERG, Rev. HIMMELSTEIN, and the Shammas was a Mr. CHAZEN (His daughters, Gertie and Hannah both went to Barnato park) and Mrs. MAGID

Chader Children I can remember the names of some of the “ Chader children”. Colin Koransky, Dorian Hersch (Shear), Terroll Hersch (Z”l), Gilda Goldblatt (Galvad), Brenda Goldblatt (Spitz) (O”h) Frances Taylor, and her older sister, Sharon (now in Israel), Carmella Shapiro, Marsha Furman, Gerald Pokroy, Philip Eliason, Harry Sacks, Alan Kaye, Susan Kaye, Dorothy Lewis, Harry Sacks, Philip Sacks, Ada Freedman, Ilanah Himmelstein, Julian (Julie) Kaplan, Meyer Kaplan, Brian (now in Oz) and his sister Jewel Rosenthal, Eugene Klatzko, Martin Chaitowitz, Hymie Symanowitz(Z”l), Ruth Seeff, Sandra Katzen (Pokroy) Robert Hershfield, Mervyn Gerszt, Bernard Kromelick, Derek Hammerschlag (I think that was his name) Wolfie Tepper, Marlene Tepper, Stanley Chitiz, Manny Magid, Melanie & Beverley Segal.

I must have been a real “chrack” in those days, coming from Ireland, funny clothes, and even funnier out-of-control curly hair, and an accent nobody could understand. I found it hard to make friends, but I eventually palled up with Gilda Goldblatt (now Galvad) , (daughter of Leslie (Z”l) and Mona Voloshen Goldblatt (O”h), from Webb Street. Leslie (Z”l) was a Choirester in Wolmarans Street Shul) and Gilda and I have remained friends to this day.

Girls at Barnato Park whom I remember offhand, Pam Ginsberg (Melzter) Pam Gladstone (Nathan), Denise Seeff, Ruth Seeff, Susan Simon, Molly Robinson, Rhona Shroder (aka Rhondie Shrondie) (Ullman) , Phyliss Goldblatt (Rubin), Geraldine Blumberg, Debbie Rabinowitz, Jacqui Hotz, Sharon Rafel (Rubin), Leah Smith, Ann Kaiser, Ann Moscow, Barbara Diane Levy, Barbara Levy, Lynette and Jennifer Margolis, Carol and Margaret Kowalsky , Gloria (Gola) Levine (Ash), Gilda and Brenda Goldblatt, Eugene Klatzko, , René Mazelle, Jill Gonski, Felicity Nathanson, Avril Kaye, Jackie Susman (Woolf) (her sisters Helen and Andy went to Athlone) . Pam Kohn, Lydia Burstein, Ada Folb, Sharon Cooperman (Fehrer) Beryl Andrews, Heather Round (Levy), Joan Gracie, Merriel Pratt, Hilda and Charlotte Brinkman, Ann Mullins, Susan Simon, Doreen Simon, Marilyn Silansky, Carole Silansky (Sands) Verite Hirshowitz, Ruth Samuel (Segal), Vivien Alexander, Renée Kunz, Lorraine Goldberg, Marilyn Silansky and her sister Carol Silansky, , Yvonne Shochet, Janet King, Pam Kewley, Adah Ben Yehuda, Roslyn Abramovitz, Joan Cooper, Bernice Frid (Vunck), Suzanne Lutrin (Resnick) (O”h), Helen Rothschild, Joyce Tischauer, Helen Leftin, Maureen Nagel (Ruskin), Gabriella Albrecht, Sharon Smith (Munitz), Pam Levy, Deborah-Ann Fanaroff, Jacky Centner (Cannon), Lydia Burstein, Ronelle Shepherd, Cynthia Muller, Marsha Sosnovick, (Jansen) Karen Israelsohn, Joan David (Elkon), Sheina & BatSheva Romm, Lorraine Nussbaum (Silver), Susan Hommell, Kela Saltzer , Barbara Beira, Shoshanna Kaplan (Kaplan) , Myrna Katz, Isobel Strasbourg (Mehl) , Isobel Thomson, Vivienne Lee, Meryl Michaelmore, Vivienne Fritz, (Head Girl) Patsy Coetzee, (Vice Head Girl) Philla Moller, Gillian Coleman, Sheena Haarhof, Glen Marshall, Naomi Tabachowich, Ailsa Bowley, Sheena Hayworth, And some girls from Mrs. Oppenheimers extra Afrikaans lessons class were, Vasiliky someone from Greece, Daria someone from Italy, Jean Smith (?) from Rhodesia, Jacqueline someone from England, Marilyn Patricia Myers from England, and teachers, Miss Todd, Roberta Evans, Miss Cohen (later Mrs. Gevisser), Miss Miles with DOG - George, Miss Langley (head), Miss Rosewarne, Miss Walmsely , Miss Hodkin, Miss Jones (Vice Head), Miss Horn, Miss Dankwerths, Miss Martin, (later Mrs. Gold), Mrs Morrison, and one or two Barnato Park Dogs, who came along to school with teachers. I think Miss Evans had a little Muttie trouping along next to her?

SCHOOLS Athlone Girls , Athlone Boys, Waverly girls, Highland’s North, Parktown Girls and Parktown Boys, Northview, Greenside High, King David Linksfield (King David Victory Park was to follow later on) Yeshiva College, Rodean, Brescia House, St. Vincents (for the hard of hearing). Helpmekaar, Damelin College, Yale College (Marcus (Marky) Luntz) , Regis College, Princeton College. Yeoville Boys, Observatory Girls, , Hyde Park, The Tech. K.E.S (King Edward School), St. Johns, Redhill, St. Stithians, Marist brothers, Yeoville Convent, Hirsch Lyons, Yiddish folk, Jeppe Boys, Jeppe Girls. H.A Jack, Jewish Government.

SCHOOL UNIFORMS. Mc Cullogh @ Bothwell.

Remember Yeoville? The Yeoville Post Office in Raleigh Street, C.N.A, the Picadilly Bioscope the Bug House (Oi) next door to Yeoville Home Industries (owned by Simon and Leah Kaufman), Kenmere Pharmacy (owned by the Marams) (next to the fruit shop in Kenmere Rd) and Yeoville Pharmacy (owned by the Joffes) (diagonally opposite the Yeoville Baths in Raleigh St.,) Yeoville Fruit and Flowers (Jorge aka George), Hill Fisheries, Crystals, Yeoville Baths, (and a swimming coach there called Bernard Green) and the Apollo Café across the road where they played pinball and the ducktails always hung around there with their chains, and motor bikes, all the Brekers. Theo Hommel (fabrics), Fitz Bakery where the OK Bazaars in Yeoville built their new shop, corner Raleigh and Bedford, diagonally opposite the Yeoville Library. And opposite where the 19 bus went into Berea and town), Hub Stores, Emdins – Haberdashery – (one or two shops down from the Apollo Café,) Denbo Jewish Bookstore, Scotch Corner! Billy’s Hairdresser in Rockey Street (near Raymond St) Faigels and the Dae-nite Pharmacy Rockey Street, cor. Bezuidenhout, Squires (clothing, school uniforms/shoes)

Portuguese Fish and Chip shop in Rockey Street, all the Tailor shops going down into Rockey Street, and Jekisons Tailors, and a guy called Bokkie Jekison who was the Tailor there (great looking bloke, with a great looking brother, I think his name was Eugene) both so easy on the eye!). Bokkie recently told someone that on the 7th April he will have been at the shop for 55 years California Tailors, and the Yeoville Recreation Center in Raleigh St, where Sandra Stein won the “Miss Yeoville” competition in about 1962 .(Bokkie Jekison died before the 7th April, suddenly, whilst out on a walk)

Water Polo at the Yeoville Baths. Richard LEE was a water-polo player, he lived in Yeo Street, Yeoville, I think. Had a brother Eric LEE. They were Highlands North school boys. Lionel GILINSKY, another water-polo player.

And does anyone remember the Purdy Boys, Neville and Leonard?

Some MORE of the YEOVILLE, CYRILDENE, OBSERVATORY people …… Jeff Wittles , Linda Shapiro, Rex Schwartz, Sharon Schwartz , Ivan Sabbath, Arnold Messias, Ivan Sandler, Louise Lazersohn , Barry Sacks, Barry Bloch, Barry Black, Michael Walldorf (Vorsie), Sonia Barsol, Gerald (Jake) Fox (Z”l) Jonny Grossmark, Vivian Stillerman, Charmian Clayton, Max Gur, Ruth Margolis, Elaine Margolis, Heather Garrun, Yvette, Esther & Naomi Sofer. Sharna & Nadja Isaacs (aka Lerman), Colin Opwald, Frances Siegenberg, Nicky & Costa Kapitanopoulos, Alfie Wood and his sister Margie Wood (now Horn), Locky Lockstone, Shirley Shtub (probably Sztab), Reuel Kaplan, Geoff (Geoffrey) Landsman (Z”l) , Reina Cohen (O’h), Sandra Stein (Ezra) , Nola Stein (Fox), Charmion Clayton, Ivor Cohen, Sandra Deitz , Spencer Hodgson, Heather Garrun, Linda Chitiz or Chitters , Marlene Teper, Leonard Kahn & his sister Maureen Kahn. (now Puterman) Maureen and her husband were one of the first people to move into a new block of flats called “La Contessa”, in Yeo & Bedford St. Yeoville) Arnie Jones, Jennifer Jones, Bernard James, Abel de Freitas, Sandra Tucker. The Griffith Girls (Virg, Bernice (Bunny) and Diane –still great friends of mine) and their brother Cedric) The Matthews Girls Hazel, and Norma, there were more sisters but I can’t remember the names) .

GREENSIDE/EMMARENTIA People, - Clifford Price, Howard Price, Brian Ruskin, and I think Barry Pillemar , Suzie & Gaby Henshel, (de Groen), June and Yalta Gervis, Suzanne & Linda Myers, Aubrey Gamsu Ada Gamsu, Maurice Hockman, Margo and Peter Philips,

HOUGHTON people. Michael, Brian & Jennifer Lever, Molly Robinson, Harry & Philip Sacks, Sharon Smith (Munitz)

HIGHLANDS NORTH People. - Brian, Stanley & Karen Feinstein (Joseph), Max Schiff (O”h)

WHO REMEMBERS - Hymie Brest, (Mayfair/ Kensington) and his friend (to this day) Alec Ross (Bez Valley). Certainly part of the “Main Manne” crowd.

ONLY IN SOUTH AFRICA …………………………………

Where’re you okes jolling to? Jollers. Lekker Jol.

Where are your folks tonight.

Volkspeeler. The Sakkie sakkie

I’m only chaafing, man? Sweet Obeet.!! Lekker soos ‘n krekker (cracker)

Wat ‘s goedkoop is duur koop. Stille water – Diepe grond,

Eina! Skyfies. Veldskoene. Breekers.

Don’t tune me Chandies

Check that little lightie, he’s two bricks and a tickey high

Ever since Pa fell off the bus.

Give me a bell, hey? Bell me. Love you stax. I’ll fetch you just now

African women sitting on the street corners calling out HEY Mielieeeeee - Tickey Mielieeeeeeeee.

Vrystaat!

Vat hom Fluffy.

I’ve got Sut.

They’re so larnie!

My ou’ man is giving me uphill

My Skattebol.

I feel up to Paw-Paw. I feel up to Maggots.

‘Strue’s Bob…?? No….. You LIE !!!

SHOT !!!!!!!! (SHOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT)

Skit ‘n donner (donder) (the movies)

And Observatory café where boys played pinball and they had ‘Pennyline Sweets’ where you could buy 2 for a penny and cafés had Jukeboxes . Remember the old 78 records (those were in the fifties though) and then the LPs - wow, and when those came out we thought we’d died and gone to Heaven, and the 45 speed records. Cassettes, and tape recorders, reel-to-reel tape-recorders (I still have one).

Boys had a way of walking, hands in pockets, only the thumbs visable and rolled from side to side with a sort of rolling gait, and the more they rolled as they walked, the more macho they felt!

Who remembers ????…… Debras (Schmaltz), and when a tub of Yoghurt cost 8c, and an Appleltizer cost the same, a bar of Cadburys chocolate cost 5c and there was a chocolate bar called “Honeycrisp” also for 5c, and you could get a Toasted Cheese for 15c. Stamps cost 2½ cents . If you left the envelope open, it was cheaper… Airletter forms in green, airmail writing paper, airmail envelopes and Basildon Bond writing paper.

STREETS in Yeoville/ Bellevue, - Raleigh St, Rockey St, Bezuidenhout St., Isipingo St., Raymond St , Hopkins St, Yeo St, Kenmere Rd, Fortèsque Rd, Becker St, Cavendish Rd, Bedford Rd, Webb St, Natal St, Isipingo, St. Georges Rd, Ellis St.,

YEOVILLE BOXING CLUB - Sammy Samson and his son Cedric who sang as a child, and he had a group at some stage called “the FireFlies” I think Alan Goldstein who was also a child singer may well have been part of that band ( later known as Alan Gold) .

How many people remember……. The Black Steer in Yeoville - fab apple crumble and double thick cream and in the 1960s the price of a Steerburger, with Pickled Cucumber, fried onions and salad was 45c ……….but at the Golden Spur, the Burger would cost you 50c and the Yeoville crowd felt that was too expensive!) Norman’s Grill (for Prawns!) in the Jeppe Hotel. East Africa Pavilion (well known for it’s curries, where the waiters wore a red “fez”, The 252 Tavern. His Majesty’s Cellars, 69 Grill.

and Kosher - Connoisseur Hotel,(Gloria Rootshtain) (long gone)

And remember- The Rosenkowitz 6 from Cape Town, first surviving Sextuplets in the World

And when Arcadia (Jewish Orphanage and Home for Jewish children) was in Forestown

DAENITE Pharmacy, Orange Grove. Owned by Chookie BRENNER . and the okes that worked there, Mervin Rappoport, Issy Peimer, Cecil Chweidan (O”h), Ivan Dorff, Solly Branstein, and a girl called Lola but I can’t remember her surname. And Dr. Chris Barnard, (Heart Transplants Groote Schuur Hospital, Cape Town)

And the …… the motor racing at Kyalami Race Track

And the Motor Rallys?. Anyone remember Lionel Gilinsky? He raced something called “Production cars” in “Endurance Races” at Old Grand Central Circuit ( Halfway House, now called Midrand) in the late 60’s and 70’s - and later “Historic” Cars at Kyalami Race Track. He was known to be amongst South Africa’s Top 3 Racing and Motor rally drivers in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. Not bad for a boy from Welkom!!

Attorneys. - Moss Morris & Ettlinger, (Lennie Ettlinger, Max Levenberg, Selwyn Cohen, Hilliard Gordon, articled clerks then - Rodney Berman and John Gilbert, Also a Selwyn someone articled clerk). Routlege Douglas Wilson Auret & Wimble, Wides , Chain & Berman (Cyril Wides, Inky (Ian) Chain and Rodney Berman), Edward Nathan. Israel, During & Kossuth

Tour Operators - Springbok (Atlas) Safaris, (Julie Lapedus).

Accountants. Sussman and Lange (Trevor Sussman and David Lange) (cousin of Myron Lange, the Surgeon) later known as Sussman Goddard.

HILLBROW. We always went to The Curzon and Clarendon for 7/6- , ( later 75c,) and then a Bioscope called the International (owned by Herman and Maxwell Youngelson) was opened at the top of Pretoria Street and there it would cost you between 90c and R1.00, but the seats were so comfy and the whole bioscope was so plush, that the Yeovillites felt it was well worth the extra.

Anyone remember The French Hairdressing Saloon (a Mrs. Sher was the manageress) and the OK Bazaars and Carnival Novelty.

ONLY IN SOUTH AFRICA ………………………….

I’m going for a goof this arvy. ‘Scopes, Flicks, Flik, What’s the “Aggie”?

Hy het haar uitgeskop, verstaan jy my?

Check my new jammy!

We going to Durbs with the car, probably see lots of ‘Vaalies there, all the ou toppies, tannies and ooms, nie waar nie?

My ol’ lady! My ol’ man.

My broer ! My sussie. My Ouma, My Oupa

Knobkerrie. Sjambok

It’s so hot, I’m vrekking off here.

D’is Baie Mooi

He lives in the Gramadoelas….

She lives in the Bundu…

The Dingas

I was with Ruth, Heather and them

Drink your SUP !! there’s a plate on the Zinc

Let’s make a plan…..

Cows give us MULK!

My one aunt My one leg, My one arm, My one finger My one toe

Broekies

The word “THE. ” I learned in school that before a consonant we say “THE” . “THE” bed, “THE” table, “THE” book. And before a vowel the have to prounce the “the” as “THEE”……………. “THEE” Apple, “THEE” elephant, “THEE” egg.

So why then, do we hear (only in South Africa) people saying “THUH” apple, “THUH” Elephant, “THUH” egg. Please hold for “THUH” Operator. And why do some of us say “the PHOTA” when it is clearly “PHOTO”.

FOLKSINGING Era . Who remembers the Nite beat, run by Abe (who ran the tuck shop at the Yeoville Swimming Pool), and the folk-singers Ian & Ritchie ( Ian Lawrence and Ritchie Morris), Des and Dawn (Lindberg)(“And the Seagull’s name was Nelson”) (Dawn wore her hair in two pigtails then) Colin Shamley, Dave Marks (“Mountains of Men” and “Master Jack”) Cornelia, And The Troubador, The College Set - Andy Levy, Hugh Solomon, Norman Cohen) Keith Blundell and the Baladeers, Aubrey and Beryl Ellis. Mervyn and Jocelyn Miller (from Potch). Mel, Mel and Julian (Mel Miller, Mel Green, and Julian Laxton.

BIKERS and the Hell’s Angels, wearing black leather jackets, chains and the peace sign often around their necks, roaring down Pretoria St and Kotze St on Harley Davidsons making a helluva racket, some of the more nervous Biker girls precariously hanging onto their boyfriend’s backs, but “the in girls” didn’t hold on, they somehow balanced themselves by placing their hands nonchelantly behind the seat, looking around, throwing their hair back, with a “don’t- sig–with- me” look, lazer- beam- eyes, -looking–out- through- thick- black- fringes, and a tattoo here and there.

And nobody did “sig” with them, either.

The FLYING SAUCER is where they all met. Pretoria Street, Hillbrow.

Hillbrow’s Eateries and Coffee Bars Doney’s coffee bar for the best cappuccino in town (who remembers Jeftah and George, the Duke) Café Wien (later on), with the most comfortable seats, it was like sitting in your own lounge, Café Krantzler, Dunk-a-donut, The Milky Lane, the Florian (where the bus turned to go down Twist street to Town). Mi Vami, Lucky Luke (Steak House in the 70s), Fontana, open 24 hours a day, (famous for their chickens roasted on a spit,) Pikin-a-chicken, Porter House (Frulatto and the best Pink Sauce in town) not to mention the steaks (not that I ate them being one of the Kosher Kids, but I was sorely tempted, HA HA HA) and the German Beer Keller, The Hamburger Hut, Golden Egg, Bella Napoli. Kiss-Kiss.

The CHEZA in Jeppe Street. Famous for Muesli.

HAIR STYLES and fashion. We dyed our hair black with Palette where you dropped a white tablet into some black gunky muck and we all had pitch black hair. The Blacker your hair, the more “sharp” you were. We teased it and wore it in Wings, and the bigger the Wings were, the more “with it” you were. And remember the stiff petticoats under your many Flared skirts, and cat-eye glasses? Helanca stove-pipes, in all colours. Studded Belts, Box Pleated skirts, and ID Bracelets (with your boyfriend’s name engraved on the inside), Plaid pinafores came later on, and a ridiculous little narrow velvet bow on a clip or hairgrip which we found a space for in the teased bird’s nest, usually just to the back of the fringe. And also a thin chiffon scarf tied around the hair. White high-heeled shoes (I wouldn’t be seen dead in half the things we wore then)

My Mom always said that my hair was like a Bird’s Nest at the back, but then I didn’t have eyes at the back of my head, (just as well). Boys wore their hair sleeked back with Brylcream and Vitalis and all bought their t-shirts from the Skipper Bar. (Arnie, Mervyn, Earle and Barry Sacks) Black t-shirts with thin white and red stripes around the neck. And a corresponding white tee-shirt, with black and red stripes. If you didn’t have one of those, you were not one of the “in” boys!!!!

And then girls started to iron their hair. I remember my Mother used to plonk my head onto the ironing board, and put a brown paper bag on top of it, and iron away until I had sleek straight hair, but then the minute it rained, I looked at though someone has plugged me into an electric socket…. Durbs did the same to all those who had out-of-control hair - Frizzed them out in 2 mns flat, in fact as soon as you got to Van Reenen’s Pass into Natal, you knew you were there because your hair suddenly was on its own mission……..

and who Whirled their hair????? Oy - a bittereh gelechter….. We whirled it One way, then the other way, and you had dead straight hair (until you hit the 505 Club and the first thing you’d notice is that your fringe was just “not there” anymore) and the rest of your poor hair style was all moving in different directions. If it was raining, and you opened your front door, bang went the straight hair.

Remember those little DOEKs we wore on our head when we went to Durbs. I have a photo of myself wearing one.

COME ON GIRLS - who used to sleep with curlers/rollers in their hair!! and who remembers using the inside of a TOILET ROLL as an emergency roller??????? And all this lot would be covered over by a hairnet. Of course morning brought a splitter- of- a- headache from the curlers digging into your head. Anyone remember? Bet you do!!! I DO!! There you are, the big ADMIT………. What on EARTH did we look like? I don’t even want to think about it …………………

I always say that if I have to come back in another life, I want to come back as ME but with dead straight hair. Second choice, I wouldn’t mind coming back as one of my spoilt-out-of-control Dachshunds either (but the straight haired type, not the wiry haired) (ha ha)

GYM: Bodybuilders, weight-lifters and wannabes came strutting out of Gyms such as Sam Busa and Monte Osher all fit and glistening, with huge shoulder muscles, and killer smiles - carrying black gym bags. And Reg Park’s Gym, ALSO somewhere in Hillbrow.

YOGA: Mannie and Alan FINGER, Nina OBEL

MODEL AGENCIES: . Stella Grove and Gianna Pizanello

DANCING STUDIOS and DANCERS: Natalie Stern the late Mercedes Molina, Jeffrey Neiman (Enrique Segovia) & Rhoda Rifkin, Bernice Hotz , Gitanella (Spanish, Ballet,) Shirley Klitzner (O”h) (later in the 70s Hilary Etkind - taught with Rhoda and Jeffrey) (anyone who ever loved Spanish dancing, will remember Mercedes Molina/ Jeffrey Neiman as a brilliant dance duo) (and will remember the very sad passing away of Shirley Klitzner (O”h) when she was barely into her twenties).

PHOTOGRAPHERS. Maurice, Kurt Slesinger, Karklin, when it was fashionable to stand your wedding photo on an small easel on the floor. Either carpet or parquet flooring. Stella Nova .

RUGBY. Alan MENTER Springbok Flyhalf, and Sid NOMIS Springbok - Center, and later Wing), Alan is married to Pam (ex Pretoria) and his Brothers are Brian, Robert (Robbie) and Mandy (Malcolm (Z”l)) Menter. Their Mom Esmé (O”h) grew up with mine, in Dublin. Syd is married to Ann.

CRICKET. Dr. Ali BACHER former South African cricket captain and one of the greastet cricketers in South Africa. Ali BACHER received South Africa’s Sports Merit Award, the country’s HIGHEST athletics honour. Ali is married to Shira (I am friendly with Shira’s sister Marsha KARKLIN,) and I remember their daughter Ann being a Tennis champion when she was just a little kid of 11 in the days of the “Jewish Guild” Other well known South African Jewish cricketers came later on, Mandy YACHAD , and later Adam BACHER, nephew of Dr. Ali Bacher

TYPEWRITERS. My first memory of a type writer was that old black thing with with a keyboard with round circular lettering and a typewriter ribbon. My Mom used one in Dublin, Then I remember the Olivetti and also a swiss typewriter, but the ones where you would have to bash a silver thing on the upper right to go to a new line. I remember electric typewriters, and using a white powdery Tippex thing for covering up mistakes, except that they never quite covered them up, particularly on the carbon copies. And remember the carbon copies.. HA HA, and when I worked for lawyers, they didn’t allow those tippex rub-outs, so one little mistake and you had to start all over again. Remember STENCILS and Roneo-ing various blurb. I can remember using a bright shocking pink liquid with the stencils, I think. We wrote to “Messers. So and so”, and we’d end off with “ I remain, Yours Faithfully”

WEDDINGS and when the Bride/Kallah would change into her “going away outfit” and the blissful couple would leave the wedding to go off on their honeymoon. When Bride’s kept their vails on the entire night. When there were only 4 pole-holders and the Bride’s parents paid for the entire wedding, and the Groom/Chossen’s parents would pay for the booze, the photographer and the flowers.

THE CIRCUS Boswell-Wilkie. I hated the circus, terrified of the animals and sorry for them at the same time, a hypnotized crocodile once got out- of- control and strarted climbing out of the ring into the screaming audience. Clowns clowning around were never my scene, and when the trapeze artists or the tight-rope walkers did their act, my heart was always in my mouth, terrified they would fall or something. One did once, I can never get that memory out of my mind.

ONLY IN SOUTH AFRICA ……………………………………

I dopped my exams and my folks are having a cadenza - *Snot ’n trana all round ….. (*Yiddish Equivalent is Vainin ‘n Kloggin, well, that is the Yiddish we used in Ireland).

Chips, here comes the Teacher.

I’ll have a dop of brandy.

Ops me a pencil.

Baie Dankie…….. hoor! Aseblieftog!

Plaasjapie.

Safe my mate !!!! (and the hand movement – very important) - forefinger/little finger pointed up while thumb was holding middle/ ring finger down) - done with a wag-type-movement, like fast- mode windscreen wipers.

We’re Chommies

Cheers!

There’s a Miggie in my room.

Kyk daai (Daardie) Goggoh (as in insect, not as in “GOGO” - Zulu for Granny)

Boeremeisie. Mevrou, Mejuffrou/Juffrou, Meneer

Kyk na daardie lelike ding………………

Kombi

Gooi

Waneer u die syn hoor, is dit agtien uur, twee en vyftig minute en dertig sekondes…………..

Around 1964 came the Beatles, (“8 days a week”, “Love Love me do” and later, “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s club Band” “Hey Jude”) The Rolling Stones, (Angie) the Mini Skirt era and Mary Quant and the birth of the Discothèque . Op Art earings in gaudy colours and the skirts continued to get shorter. Girls wore double breasted Pin stripe suits which made a come back. The Boutiques were born. I remember the BENATER family had a great boutique “Carnabies”, at the top of Rissik Street, or near there. It was, I think, the first shop of it’s kind. Very modern, trendy and for the young (20s and 30s). And the Pink Panther was in Hillbrow - Also very trendy gear.

Remember Twiggy?………. She was on every Magazine cover, often holding her Teddy Bear, feet pidgeon-toed, with beautiful big brown eyes, and a body so thin, she could fit through a crack in the wall. She started a trend, her, and “the Shrimp” - (Jean Shrimpton), and Mary Quant.

AND Op Art Earings in strange shapes and gaudy colours, shorter skirts, and flattie shoes.

The First Disco was at the Summit Club, Marrakech, (around 1966) with Go-Go dancers Dixie, Felicity Fouché, and Christine all dancing away in the micro-est of Mini-Skirts. Johnny Martin (previously known as Martin Raff) was the owner, and I heard he also owned a club called 007.

Someone called Neville Peacock was the Marrakech DJ and there were psychdelic and ultra violet lights and if you stood under the latter, all your “klein-goed” shone like a beacon for all to see.

And the 505 also in Hillbrow. Eddie Eckstein and Paul Ditchfield - The Bats played there on a Sunday ), and the Diamonds and Gene Rockwell (Heart!”) as did the Basemen (Ronnie Cline on Keyboard, Ralph Simon – Singer, Rodney Caines – Bass Guitar, Leon Bilewitz – drummer and Irwin Kalis – Lead Guitar) and Clive Calder, (Les Markowitz on drums) also played at “Club-a-go-go” and also they toured around the countryside and played at various venues.

Also Johnny Congos (“Sealed with a Kiss”), Johnny and the G-Men, and Johnny Sharp, 4 Jacks and a Jill. The Staccatos. Did I mention Manfred Mann? (“pretty Flamingo”)

MORE CLUBS - TJ’s (town) and The Yellow Submarine (Hillbrow) (owned by Martin HART) and the Boat (Buccleuch) were in the latter part of the sixties and the Downstairs later called The Purple Marmalade somewhere in Hillbrow. Another Disco was owned by George McCauley, brother of Ray, opposite Joubert Park (Club-A-Go-Go), His Granny worked in the tuckshop and was always so nice to everyone. The Band there was the “Falling Leaves” and George was in the Band. The Electric Circus, And Raffles , a very fancy disco/restaurant but that was in the late 70s. Owned by Dave Kerney. (I think). The Stable in Jan Smuts Avenue. The Out of Town Club

And who remembers the other Bioscopes - The Colosseum with the twinkling lights, Cliff Richard sang there once, and a few girls from Barnato Park were expelled for bunking school and going to his concerts. His Majestys, Monte Carlo (French Movies), The Empire, 20th Cen. Fox - Pritchard Street, Cinerama (Claim and Noord) In those days there was an interval after the News and the Cartoons, and Usherettes would be standing at each exit with a tray with all the Munchies and Chocolates, cold-drinks, etc. The Apollo in Doornfontein. I’ve already mentioned the Yeoville Bioscopes earlier on. Who remembers the “Midnight Shows” the Astra and the Victory in Orange Grove, The Rex in Greenside. The Plaza, the Bijou in town and some flea-bitten run down Café Bio which no decent self-respecting girl would touch with a barge-pole, but I can’t remember it. A lot of the Yale College boys went there. But not the girls!!!!

People smoked in the bioscopes (“scopes”) then and when you looked up, you saw it all swirling around in smoke from the projector. Nice and healthy!! but nobody ever noticed it. It was just a part of life in the sixties.

REMEMBER WHEN ………. we went to Bioscope on a Saturday night, dressed up in your A-line dress, or a Box- Pleated skirt, or tiny hound’s-tooth straight skirt in black/white and your black patent high-heeled shoes, with a Black Patent leather bag to match, and your gloves (which you carried in your hand). And later you wore your Dress with the shorter hemline, Mini-Skirts, and your “A-line evening coat” (Jackie Kennedy), just on the knee, and your flattie shoes, the hair teased up to the high heavens and lacquered so heavily that if it rained, you looked like glue. (Boys hated teased and lacquered hair)

And the boys wore jarmins and Elvis Presley hair-styles with thin ties made of nylon or similar in a machine-crochet style. (Later when the Beatles came in, boys’ hairstyles changed forever, and no boy would be seen dead with Brylcream or Vitalis plastered on his head). Boys would never previously been seen in pastel colours, but the Beatles changed all those dark shirts for pink, mauve and lemon, with a pin collar near the tie.

Boys would buy you a 75c box of Black Magic chocolate at Interval. If you put it into your black patent leather handbag and never offered him one, then your name was mud, and girls judged boys by whether they opened the car door for you …. or not!

AND SOME OF THE MOVIE STARS …., Natalie Wood, Kathryn Hepburn, Rock Hudson, Doris Day, Steve McQueen, Sohia Loren, Alain Delon (the heart-throb of the 60’s) (who remembers him in “Purple noon”) Gina Lollobridgida, Raquel Welsh, Bridgitte Bardot, Ursula Andress, Warren Beatty, Jack Nicholson (One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest), Shirley McLaine, Julie Christie, Michael Caine, Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, Paul Newman, Sal Mineo, Suzanne Pleshette, Richard Burton, Sean Connery, Omar Sharif, Charlton Heston, Gregory Peck (to die for?) James Dean

POPULAR MOVIES. West side story, King Kong, Gone with the Wind, Exodus, Dr. No, *From Russia with Love, * (Remember in that movie, the Russian woman (was her name someone KREBBS?) who had a knife come out of her boot and it shot straight into poor Sean Connery’s shin bone. EINA! Just thinking about it, hurts me) Bridge on the River Kwai, Dr. Zhivago, Goldfinger, (it had a great theme song in it by I think Shirley Bassey) Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, Annie Get your Gun, Dingaka.

And the DRIVE INs Old Pta Road - Jhb Drive in, The 5-Star (Eloff St.Ext), The Velskoen (If a girl was seen at the drive in with a boy, she got a “bad name” and the same for the Café Bio’s. It was just not for a nice Jewish girl!!

REMEMBER WHEN ….. there was NO Bioscope on Sunday nights

THEATRES. Alhambra (Doornfontein) , Brian Brooke (Braamfontein), Market Theatre ( Newtown), Alexander theater , Jacques Brel, Apollo (Doornfontein).

Remember the Adverts for all the Cigarettes, Players, Craven "A", Dunhill (remember the maroon Rolls Royce?) Benson & Hedges (Gold) , Lexington (That’s the one!), Gunston (remember him on a raft, all macho,manly, unshaven and rough and ready tumbling through impossible rivers?) Horseshoe Tobacco, Gold Dollar, Texan, (which the boys would hold between their thumb and middle finger) Lucky Strike, Gauloise and Peter Stuyvesant (for the fun lovers, remember the wonderful places they went to and the great clothes they wore, swimming in glorious lagoons, skiing down snow-capped mountains, all the beautiful people,all having wonderful fun?) I never smoked,(well, I have to say that, in case my family read this article, ha ha) but after I watched the Peter Stuyvesant adverts, I really felt like buying a packet , so that I too, could go to all those magical places, and I’d look glamerous too, HA HA - (the power of advertising!) (A Bittereh Gelechter!!)

But it just looked so “in” to see people smoking, and girls would hold the cigarettes at the tips of their fingers, and waved their hands for effect as they spoke, shaking their fringes out of their eyes. People who didn’t smoke, were “squares”.

I remember Celeste GREENBLATT, taught me how to apply black pencil inside my eyelids, and ‘base” onto my face and to wear white lipstick and I taught Sandra STEIN (later Ezra) to dye her hair black, and the blacker the better, (her Mother had a FIT) - Golda (née Kaufman) (O”h) whom I saw yearly in LA and she never failed to remind me !

FLORA and FAUNA in South Africa. I remember once being enthralled by the most magnificent yellow creeper we had growing on the fence in Becker Street. I took photos of it, and sent it to my friends in Dublin to show the exotic flora and fauna is this beautiful sunny South Africa, until Michael GOLDING next door, laughed his head off and said “but that’s only Canary Creeper, it’s not much better than a common garden weed”!! African Violets, Jasmin, Golden Shower, Begonia Sherera, Bougainvillea, Pointsettia, Birds of Paradise, Cycads?. Maybe they do grow overseas too.

PARTIES in Observatory, Cyrildene and Dewetshof. We rock ‘n rolled to Elvis Presley’s “Jail house rock” & “Don’t step on my blue suede shoes”, “Rock around the Clock” in our flared skirts with stiff petticoats underneath, the more the better, and huge belts around our waists, and we wore flat shoes (75c at Maram’s chemist, and 95c for the leopard skin ones). And later we twisted with Chubby Checker (Let’s Twist again, like we did last summer ) We also did a dance called the Shake – anyone remember the song “I’ll do the Shake, the hippy- hippy shake” and also a dance called the Madison.

The Bez Valley Ou’s, on a Sat night Jol, and the Lebs would sometimes gatecrash. Usually a Scuffle and the girl’s father would have to ask them to leave. Sometimes, in stubborn cases the police would have to be called in to skop them all out. And then the party continued on, Little Richard, Cliff Richard, - sometimes a few of the kids would have a bit of “dagga”, (a zol), on the stoep or in the back garden when they thought nobody was looking, and the only way anyone kopped on was because they would come back to the party with a manic laugh, and red eyes. (and of course the smell, but if you admitted to knowing the smell, then it meant you were a dagga smoker yourself!) Trini Lopez. “If I had a hammer”

SOCIALS at Oxford Shul, The Vrede Hall, Yeoville Recreation Center, Temple Shalom, and Bands like “Dinkie and the Deans” - Jake (Gerald) Fox (Z”l) (rhythm Guitar), Barry Sacks (Lead Guitar), Spencer Hodgson (Bass guitar) and Errol Sack on the drums, would play, they also played at the Club 505 in “the Brow”. Peter Lotus well known Jhb Disc Jockey, I think he sang as well. Lots of singers used to go to Margo’s on a Sunday Afternoon, and the crowd would all hot-foot it out there after them to hear music. I think it was Bapsfontein, or near there). There was little else to do on a Sunday, so many places were closed. Just remembered another band, Dave Levine and the Swinging Angels. Les Gutfreund was one of the band and made a name for himself as Les Goode. “Dickie Loader and the Blue Jeans” Gene Rockwell – Heart.

NIGHT CLUBS and Bands. Bennie Michaels, Archie Silansky and his daughter Carole Sands The Coconut Grove at the Orange Grove Hotel, Dan Hill (Ichilchik), The Colony at the Hyde Park Hotel, Sardi’s, The Mediteranean (I Cinque di Roma), Diamond Horseshoe, The Greek Taverna, Ciro’s (Kruis Street)

STORES. John Orrs, The Belfast, Greatermans, ABC Shoes, Dodo’s, Barnes Shoes, Ackermans, Ansteys later Garlics, Katz & Lourie, Mr. Man, Man about Town, Stuttafords, Woolworths, Deans Mans’ shop, Skipper Bar, O.K Bazaars, Cuthberts, Markhams, Millews, K. Marks ( curtains), Juta's, Bothner & Polliack (records, Henri Lidji Gallery, Derbers Furs, FDF (Fruit & Dried Fruits) Vanité (Ladies clothes) Bradlows, Geen & Richards, Shepherd & Barker (Furniture), CAN, Jaffs (Fabrics), Mosenthals, Dicks (Sweets) - Rissik Street, and later on Morkels, your two year guarantee store! Putzys. McCullogh & Bothwell (School Uniforms).

REMEMBER WHEN we would get all dressed up to go to town, to have tea at Ansteys sitting alongside Ladies in beautiful outfits, white gloves, smart, elegant, men in suits, with white shirts and ties

MUSIC Soul music was popular in the 60s, Aretha Franklin, Jimi Hendrix, Carla Thomas, Otis Redding (“sitting on the Dock of the Bay”), Percy Sledge (“ Midnight Hour”, and Music from Brasil, Sérgio Mendes, Herb Alpert and the Tijuana brass.

And of course, Johnny Mathis, Charles Aznavour, Simon and Garfunkel, José Feliciano

And …. REMEMBER WHEN , our Mothers would ring a little bell at suppertime, and the “servant” (oi, how COULD we have??) would come in with the next course. And when your “boy” did the garden and the “girl” cooked.

SHULS Lions Shul (Doornfontein), Wolmarans street ( Rabbi Rabinowitz 50’s and 60’s, then Chief Rabbi Casper) Yeoville Shul (Rabbi Lapin), Adas Yeshuran (Yeoville) , The Bnei Akiva Shul (Raleigh Street), Greenside Shul, Emmerentia, Fordsburg, Sydenham Highlands North, Mayfair (Rabbi Zagenov) , Kensington Shul (Rabbi Rabinowitz), The Curve (Observatory), Berea Shul (Rabbi Bender and Rabbi Aloy), Oxford Shul (Rabbi Bernhard), Chassidic Shul (Rabbi Lipskar) Cyrildene, Temple Emanuel (? and Rabbi Assabi), Temple Israel (Rabbi Super), Temple Shalom, Temple Beth-El (Rabbi Ben Isaacson) Sandton Shul (BHH) Rabbi ZS Suchard (but that was in the 70’s) Yeo Street Shul. Reverend Symanovitz from Yeoville Beth Din. The Beth Din was in Raleigh Street then.

CHAZONIM. Chazen Hass, Chazen Bagley, Chazen Dudu Fisher (1970s early 80’s), Chazen Johnny Glück (Wolmarans) in the eighties (Choirmaster Prof. David Cohen). Chazen Hasdan, (Warmbaths) Chazen Badash, (Yeoville, Choirmaster *Malovany) Chazan Mandel (Berea Shul) – Gus Levy choirmaster. (* a world reknowned Chazen - I did attend a concert of his here in Jhb a number of years ago), Chazen Berele Chagy

Yeoville Shul Choir, Lionel Levin, Kenny and Colin Koransky and their father, Natie Koransky, Martin Harris, Len Bobroff, Stanley Feinstein, Brian Feinstein, Robert Lapedus, David Shapiro. The Choirmaster was Mr. Himmelstein, I think his son Lior, was in the Choir too. Colin Opwald. Benny Lipchick (Z”l)

KIDS at the Yeoville Shul…. Percy Suntup, Fivie (Phillip) and Hymie (Z”l) Symanowitz, Olga Berelowitz, Joan Morris, Karen Feinstein, Linda and Stanley Chitiz, Wolfie and Marlene Teper, me and my Boet, Robert Lapedus, Gillian Erster and her brother Moishe Erster, Naomi Shapiro, Marilyn & Sheila Atkins, David Shapiro, Rhoda Shapiro, Jenny Winnick, Alan Kaye, Philip Eliason, Sheila Hahn and Irma Keifer I remember David and Daniel Lapin, ( Rabbi Lapin’s sons) being at the Shul .

Beni Akiva and Habonim Camps. Betar. Hashomer Ha’tza-ir (spelling, whoops!!)

AND REMEMBER WHEN the only children at a barmitzvah function were the Barmitzvah boy and his siblings, who were allowed to stay up for the night. The entire Simcha was for adults and the only time you heard the Barmi boy, was when he made his speech. Robert’s Barmitzvah was a Kiddush at home after Shul, and a “tea” that evening for a few friends of my Parents. Many kids had that kind of Barmi. Who knew then from Theme Barmitzvahs.

AND …..When Children were children, and played snakes and ladders, and ludo, dominoes, monopoly, yo-yo’s, and they read out of the Local Libraries and they played Cowboys and Indians, ( just entertained themselves. No Video games, computers, cell phones, I-pods, Electronic everything… and No TV then either.

BANKS and Building Societies. Barclays, Volkskas Bank, Allied Building Society, SA Perm(inent) The UBS (United Building Society) SA Perm, NBS (Natal Building Society) Trust Bank

ONLY IN SOUTH AFRICA ……………………………….

J’’’’enesburg!

Ag Shame, man, were you home stokkies aleen??

Wikkel. Sikkel. I’ve got no tom, hey?

Koeksusters. Konfyt. Biltong. Vet-koek. Braaivleis.

Boerevors en Pap. Poitjiekos. Mielie. Rooibos Tea.

Grondboontjiebotter

Ouma se Rusks. Fanny Farmers

“Hau”

The Tokoloshe is coming… Dorp ! Pandotjie!

He rocked up in an old Skedonk.

Question. Hallo Meneer………. Hoe Gaan Dit met jou vandag?.

Answer. Ag , No….. Fine ….Jaaaaa,………. Kan nie Klaar Nie !

My Oom se Bakkie

My Gran did the “Charlston”, but that was back in Nineteen voetsak

Why are you still Gaan-ing on? you Poepal !!

He is so Grotty….. A real Dweet …….A Drip.

It’s …Kwaai. It’s …. Skarm.

HOTELS : The Carlton (original Carlton) , Moulin Rouge, The Chelsea Hotel (Hillbrow) (I think this is where the Jacques BREL theatre was) Casa Mia, Langham , Gresham, the Jeppe Hotel (Norman’s Grill) Victoria ( Plein Street near Station), Criterion , Landrost hotel (Anabelles nightclub). Tollman Towers – (next to Jeppe Street Post Office), The President Hotel (Eloff Street), Anlar Hotel (Hillbrow), Courtleigh Hotel (Berea), Jocelyn Residential Hotel (Claim Street Joubert Park), the Quirinal, Waldorf , and Balalaika which was then way out in the “country” - Sandown, which is today, a hub of activity. The Skyline, The Capri and The Park Royal

SQUAD CARS. HOT RODS and the name Buddy Fuller comes into my head for some reason.

MOTORTOWN. Remember when all the motor dealerships were in Eloff Street, Ext. Motortown. And names like Rillstone Motors (Agents for the Simca), Lawson Motors, (Agents for Volvo), Lucy’s Motors (Katz) (Agents for Fiat), Curries Motors, Grosvenor Motors ( Agents for Ford), Sydney Clow (Agents for Peugeot), and a dealeship in Anderson Street called T.A.K. Motors, (Agents for Lancia and Ferrari), Ronnie Bass, (Sigma)

And then Main Street became the used car center for Jhb. Austin , Chevrolet, Mercury, Buick, Dodge, Morris Minor, Mini Minor, Hillman Minx, Ford Fairlane, Vauxhall Victor, Ford Cortina, (Ford) Zeyphyr, Sunbeam. Killarney Toyota. Lionel Gilinsky (Pilot, Motor Rally Driver/Racer) Brenner Toyota in Braamfontein, Chookie Brenner

PETROL Shell, BP, Mobil (Engen), Sasol, Trek, Caltex, Total,

REMEMBER WHEN Milk was delivered to the house????, in proper Milkbottles with red tinfoil caps, and the cream would be all at the top of the bottle? And Nel’s Rust Dairy in Victory Park.

DOORNFONTEIN. – Apollo Cinema near Crystals, Crystals, Beit Street (who later moved to Yeoville) Wachenheimers, Goldenbergs, and Nussbaums, all in Beit Street, and Dairy Alhambra (Zama Levine) - opposite the Alhambra Theatre in Beit Street. Zama Levine had the shop for about 40 years (according to his daughter Gloria Levine Ash). Gloria’s mom was from the ICHILCHIK family (Dan Hill and Gloria’s Mom, Emma Ichilchik Levine (a cellist) were siblings. Dembo’s in Beit Street. The famous sculptor Anton Von Wouw lived next door to the Alhambra and opposite Gloria Levine’s (Ash) Grandfather, Mr. Ichilchik in Doornfontein. American Café for ice-cream, Sour Kraut, Hot Dogs, Millers Antiques on Simert Road. Campbells. Cohen’s Café. And Ellis Park.

Doornfontein Streets Beit Street, Siemert Road, Siveright Avenue.

And Segall’s Sausages (Alf Segall) (spelling?). Kerk Street, York House.

ROADHOUSES. Dolls House (Highlands North), Casablanca (Nugget Hilll) Dakota (Crown Mines), and Uncle Charlies.

Ice CREAM. Papagallo.

WITS RAG Down Eloff Street, with the floats, remember? and the Rag Queens and Princesses. I remember one particular Jewish Rag Princess of 1971, and still a beautiful girl to this day - Blond hair, gorgeous and looks like she just stepped out of vogue magazine - June Gervis ( - two sons, Grant and Richard Reichlin, both of whom were at school with my children, Angela and Gregory Brest)

ONLY IN SOUTH AFRICA ………………………………..

“She took me around” Around where?

And what about “See that ou?? - he threw me with (wif) a stone”

The Spanspek is Vrot!

Takkies.

Ag Dame! …………………..

Listen, Lady ………………

And how many South.Africans when they first arrived in America, England, Australia, Israel etc talked about taking their “costume” or “Cozzie” to the Beach.

She’s the most prettiest girl.

My ou’ man caught me smoking dagga, hey, and I got such a SKRIK.

I bumped her on the corner of Cavendish and Becker Streets

I didn’t scale anything

*Spek and Eiers ( *Just because I know the name, doesn’t mean I’ve eaten it, see !)

Ek is a Ware Suid Afrikaaner.

Melktert! Guavas, Grenadilsh!! Marmite, Anchovette Paste, Jungle Oats.

Comment - That bike is Kwaai, so lekker…. Answering comment - MOH-SELFFFFFFF

YIDDISH/Jewish sayings - In alle Schvartze Yohren, He lives in Alle Drerderin, Meerskeit, Fahrpackt, Fahrkakte, Fahrkrimpt, Fahrbrempt, Fahrshtunkender, Farrible (Litvak word, in other countries they talk about a “Broigas”) He’s a Shlemazzel, He’s a Hundt, He’s a Chaleria, He’s a Peruvian, He’s a Shlemiel, … a Chazzer …. a Mamzer, She’s a plapper…. a Yenta, Gei n Drerd, Vos Macht Tzu?, Shreklich, Chader (not the Chader where we learned Hebrew or Barmitzvahs) , Kitke, Lax (lox in the USA) I need that aggravation like a loch in kop? I’m chalishing for some Petzah (In Dublin, we called it “Calves Foot Jelly”) Alter Kakkers , Bobbe Meises, Ebberbottled. She’s such a kochelefel.

Question - How are you today Bobba ‘Chuma ???

Bobba’s answer - Nu, does it do any good to complain???

RADIO. LM Radio who remembers the signature, “Aqui Portugal Moçambique, fala-voz do Radio club em Lourenço Marques, transmitindo ondas curtas e médias

(This is (here is) Portugal, Moçambique, the voice of the Radio club in Lourenço Marques, transmitting in short and medium wave) with Evelyn Martin (Martins) . David Davies and the LM Hit Parade and was it a little prayer ending off at midnight ? With a sort of mournful depressing music to accompany it. Peter de Nobrega… not sure which station..Bob Courtney Eric Egen Springbok Radio , Paddy O’Byrne, David Gresham (Gruesome Gresh) and Clark MacKay (Clackie MacKay) and Esmé Euverard (not sure if she was Springok Radio or what) Charles Fortune (Cricket commentator) Programmes like “Pets’ Parade”, and “the Creaking Door” –skriklig !!!! David Gresham - Gruesome Gresh - (keep your feet on the ground ,and reach for the Stars) Everyone remembers “JOHN BERKS” !! - “Long John Berks” - I always listened to the Talk shows and one show in particular has stayed in my mind. The Jhb Station Master, complete with an Afrikaans accent, (guess who) called a Yiddishe guy living somewhere in Killarney, to tell him that his consignment of chickens were on their way over. You could hear what sounded like a few thousand chickens all clucking their heads off and the poor fellow was protesting, saying that it was the wrong number, it wasn’t him, some mistake and besides, he had a small balcony, and he didn’t have room for crates of chickens, but The “Station Master” kept on saying that he has nowhere for them either, the fellows’ name and address were on the crates and the chickens were going to be on their way, shortly.. What a “lag” that was. Although this article is about the 60s, I can’t help but mention my fellow countryman, John Robbie, and John, if you ever get to read this “Go mbeanna Dia Duit” and enjoy Lá na Pádraig.

AND the Requests – I think It might have been Esmé Euverard who ran a programme, was it called “Forces Favourites”? with Messages from girlfriends to their ou’s in the army, with requests like this “ Poppie, het jy ‘n boodskap”??? Poppy, are you there? Speak up Poppie……., Poppie?? Crackle, crackle….. Hallo, crackle crackle ……….. Hallo, ja, D’is Poppie wat praat, Ag, man, I’d like to send a message to my boyfriend at Voortrekker Hoogte?????? Daw-ling, I love you Verrry much???????? , ek het jou lief, my skat??? I hope you are orite and I cawnt wait til you are home again awready, Vasbyt en Baie Liefde, van Poppie, hoor? En Frikkie says howwzit. LOURENÇO MARQUES. Polana Hotel, Avenida 24 Julho (July), o Zambi, o Cisno Negro (Black Swan), Xai Xai, S. Martinho de Bilene (aka San Martino) wonderful beaches, prawns to die for (*just because I said that, doesn’t mean I ate them!!!) “Cerveja” at sidewalk cafés, Caldo Verde (soup), wonderful buildings, Pregos.

BUILDINGS such as Palace Buildings, Rand Club, Old Arcade, Markhams Technical College, Manners Mansions. Broadcast House, Essanby House, Ponte - Harrow Road, Rissik Street Post Office, Union Grounds – Twist and Claim,Joubert Park. The City Hall - Rissik Street. And in Jeppe Street the Medical buildings ... Jenner Chambers , Lister Buildings, * Drs. Jacobson, Broer and Smith, later “and Barnard”, and later still, “and Kaplan”, Pasteur Chambers , Medical Centre , Archie Jacobson, Ivor Broer, Mervyn Smith. Michael Barnard and Neville Kaplan (not all at the same time.)

HOSPITALS: the Lady Dudley, Florence Nightingale, Princess, Marymount, Franklin, Queen Victoria, Garden City Clinic Parklane Clinic. Fever Hospital, Jhb Gen. (General Hospital) The Childrens’ Hospital, Baragwanath. The Frangwyn –(Maternity )

ARMY. The Drill Hall in Joubert Park! Voortrekker Hoogte (Pretoria) The first 3 months you were a rookie, and after you got out 9 months down the drag, you went to Camps for about 3 weeks a few years later. Boys went meshugah when their hair was cut so short.

And Polio – two major epidemics in 1947 and 1954/55, when schools were closed, and public swimming pools too, children in iron lungs and leg braces. Infantile Paralysis, they called it. (I wasn’t here then but I know about it)

Around the late fifties, a movie came out with Danny KAYE and Barbara Bel GEDDES (Miss Ellie in Dallas) , called the “FIVE PENNIES”. Story of Red Nichols, and his young daughter (played by both Susan Gordon and Tuesday Weld) who contracted polio. .

And “Interrupted Melody” Another polio movie about the Opera singer, Eleanor PARKER. Terrible epidemic, wiped out today, as far as I know . And then they found an immunization against Polio.

WHO REMEMBERS …... Gilooly’s farm, Boksburg Lake, Zoo Lake, Florida Lake, Wemmer Pan - Wembly stadium Ice rink , The Wilds, The Snake Park, Melville swimming Pool, Hillbrow Indoor Pool (at the Summit Club), and the Squash courts there, Brixton Swimming Pool, Rand Show/Skou, Milner Park, Tower of Life.

THE ELLERINE brothers, Sidney (O”h) and Eric

RESORTS. Lover’s Rock in the Magaliesberg, Little Roseneath (Ndaba, Fourways). Margo’s (where the bands all played on a Sunday afternoon. I think it was near Bapsfontein). And lazy days sitting on top of the Wilds, admiring the Flora and Fauna and watching the world go by (not today!) Linksfield Ridge.

ADVERTS.. Mac Phails - Mac won’t phail you

NAMES CHANGES Jan Smuts Airport – O.R Tambo , Halfway House - Midrand, Verwoerdburg – Centurion,. Hendrik Verwoerd Drive - Bram Fischer Drive, Hans Strydom Drive Malibongwe, DF Malan - Beyers Naudé, Harrow Rd - Joe Slovo Drive - , Sandown Square - Nelson Mandela Square. Transvaal – Gauteng, Eastern Transvaal – Mapumelanga. Warmbaths - Bela Bela, Pietersburg - Polakwane

NEWSPAPERS/magazines Rand Daily Mail. Die Vaderland, Die Beeld, The Star (still going strong) Sunday Express, Sunday Times AND Back Page of the Sunday Times… Scope Magazine

I thought I’d end off with a little song ………………….. anyone want to sing along? You all know Sarie Marais? Here we go. Een, twee, drie……..

My Sarie Marais is so ver van my hart,

Maar’k hoop om haar weer te sien,

Sy het in die wyk die Mooirivier gewoon,

Nog voor die oorlog het begin.

O bring my t’rug na die ou Transvaal,

daar waar my Sarie woon

daar onder in die mielies by die groen doringboom

Daar woon my Sarie Marais.

Lekker Bly Skatties, and Alles van die Beste.

Anne Lapedus (Brest)

one of the “SIXTIES ROCKERS” … still ROCKING ON !!!!

Uitlander, no more

!!!!

Contact details.

[email protected] or [email protected]

082.452.7166 .

DISCLAIMER. This article has been written from my memories of S.Africa from 48 years ago, and if a Shul, or Hotel, or a Club is not mentioned, it doesn’t mean that they didn’t exist, it means, simply, that I don’t remember them. I can’t add them in, either, because then the article would not be “My Memories” any more.

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courage-a-word-of-justice · 6 years ago

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Shield Hero 20

Motoyasu getting dragged by Filo was funny…not enough to get a proper laugh though. Just a smirk or two.

Stop narrating and just get on with it, Naofumi and friends…!

“I was saying we should fight together all along.” (from Itsuki) – Were you, now…? (skeptical)

Ass-pull! I call “ass-pull” at the power to swallow the phoenix flame! Seriously, when did the dragon get the opportunity to teach Naofumi how to do that???

How did Naofumi not die after losing so much blood…?

What does the Q even stand for in the queen’s name…?

Sarazanmai 7

The seagulls…so fluffy…

For some reason, I expect a fakeout, but then it never arrives…these boys are really connecting…

I found some kappa croquette thingy online, but it referred to a “Shiki City” which probably isn’t in Asakusa…

The shirt…Kazuki’s shirt says “frog” but I get the feeling it also means “return”.

Shirohasu water. It’s Irohasu in Japan.

Was the lyric to Kawausoiya (the otter song) “gonna take ‘em”…?

Nice ET reference, Sara.

Balls…not just sport entendre, but…y’know. The sort of humour I don’t like as much.

Ooh…Keppi is shaping up to be the bad guy. But what plans does he have? Am I speculating too much and is he being framed? Hard to know until next time…

BSD 32

When Kyouka is eating the sundae, she looks like the Tofu Kyouka from Mayoi…hmm.

Can I confess something? Before I saw the illustrations for s2, I thought Louisa’s hair was much darker than what it is in the anime…hmmm, indeed.

I don’t think we were ever told (in the manga or the anime) what Louisa’s wish was…

This bit with Fyodor…I don’t think it was in the manga.

Subarashi-sou is a pun on “it seems wonderful”. That wasn’t in the manga, but it’s a great pun (because it’s right up my alley).

Fitz laughing at the neighbour’s TV wasn’t in the manga either, but that’s just the anime director’s humour peeking through.

“Blalack Daniel’s”, LOL.

Ohh��a quick Google reveals TJ Eckleberg is from the Great Gatsby. In there, he’s an eye doctor, but here, he’s an engineer.

George B Wilson is also from the Great Gatsby…Here be spoilers, but…George dies in his original work too.

Manhasset is a place in New York…I assume it’s connected to the Great Gatsby as well…

Oh yeah! Random Poe moment. That’s in the manga, so Igarashi (or whoever’s responsible for the terrible humour) doesn’t have to fake that bit.

Cue “Objection!” by Fitz, lemme guess. Even if I know the outcome and how it was done, I’d like to have my memory refreshed (by stabbing in the dark…and making an Ace Attorney joke in the process).

I already know, without googling, that Tom Buchanan is part of Great Gatsby as well…

Bank of Amerigo…LOL.

Fruits Basket 8

“If you show up for the banquet now…”

“The banquet sounds just like the folk tale!” Honestly, subbers, proofread…

Haa-kun and Haa-san. No distinguishing between them (aside from honorifics), even though they’re two completely different people.

Hatori’s squinty face was…hilarious, to put it simply.

Oh…I forgot the dance seems to be something the animal of the year does. So if Yuki was 3 years ago, it makes sense Momiji is doing it this year.

Best seat in the house for a sunrise, huh?

Kimetsu no Yaiba 8

I’ve seen Muzan being described as “Demon Michael Jackson” and now I can’t get that out of my head when I see him…sorry.

Tsukihiko, huh? It translates to “moon’s radiance” or something like that. That name is appropriate for a bad guy, isn’t it?

This is the first time I’ve really listened to the OST (aside from the OP and ED), so it’s…really something.

Ooh, I didn’t realise until now, but Ufotable even imitated the paper Jump is printed on with the next-ep previews…

OPM 2 8 (OPM 20)

Er…I haven’t mentioned it for the past few episodes, but Suiryu is hotttttttt. (No? I said that? Okay, next step.) That’s basically the only reason why I’m watching anymore…I can’t seem to find anyone who thinks positively of this tournament arc enough to do reviews of it that I can read, which has made my own opinion of this beloved series go down the drain…Also, if you weren’t aware, my taste lies not in Suiryu’s huge bulk, but rather in the fact he’s got long hair.

Didn’t Suiryu get pierced in the abs??? Where’s the blood coming from his injuries??? Update: He does have injuries there, they’re just not bloody…that’s all.

The main criticism for OPM 2 is the fact that it keeps cutting between different events, so it’s hard to follow. Well, I’ve had worse (see Concrete Revolutio) so that’s why I’m still here.

People say that clothing changes you – say if you put on a new outfit, you feel like a new person. (Of course, that’s all glamorising and praising consumption, but that’s beside the point here.) I think that’s what’s up with Max and Snek.

Shield Hero 21

“…the Shield Hero is worshipped.”

Really? Boob jiggle, at a time like this??? (Context: Malty is getting th slave crest painted on her.)

Wait, was there ever a Shield Church???

Okay, that felt like a real seasonal ending. What the heck is going to happen in the last few episodes, I wonder…?

Sarazanmai 8

Chikai knows the real meaning of YOLO…heh. I’m only kidding…

To be honest, I think I like Toi best out of the main trio. I tend to like the boys in blue…and no, I don’t mean the otter police.

Kazuki’s service provider is “Kappa Phone”, LOL.

When Reo held up the gun, I was yelling, “Enta! Get it for him!” (i.e. take the bullet) I didn’t expect him to actually do it…

…and here I thought tragic yuri was common enough and we don’t have enough Tragic Yaoi Dudes…

Notably, Toi was registered on Enta’s phone as “Kuji”, while Kazuki is registered as “Kazuki” (katakana) on Toi’s.

Shots fired…!

Update: I didn’t notice this, but the evil dude with kamome written behind him (I think it’s in this episode, but it might have been in the last one instead) must be based on a seagull…because that’s what kamome means.

Bungou Stray Dogs 33 (BSD S3 Ep 8)

I think it was around here I stopped reading the scans, because the series was picked up legally anyway…but I can see the death flags for a certain Port Mafia man…one who stands at the top.

As expected…butt shot. Igarashi (or whoever’s responsible for that shot) likes butts, so between this and Sarazanmai…*imagines image of kappa!Kazuki holding a shirikodama* There’s absolutely no buts about it (LOL), there’s no shortage of butts this season.

“To think that the rabbit being hunted would show its face…” – I think it’s hard for you to say that, Akutagawa, when you yourself have no face in that frame…

Why are both Akutagawa and Fyodor Naruto running today???

“So you’re doing this for that woman.”

What is “Mukurotoride”? I don’t seem to remember…maybe I never learnt what it was. Update: Apparently a tower in Dead Apple is called Mukurotoride.

Conspiracy time! This book sounds like Kunikida’s Ability…so imagine if it were under Dazai’s nose the entire time…

Fruits Basket 9

I love how the synopsis for this episode goes, “Kyo fights Yuki, Yuki fights a cold…”

Hatsuharu’s wearing such an ostentatious fluffy jacket…LOL, I love it.

Holy cow (LOL), I forgot how old Hatsuharu is…so that means he’s 15-ish, right?

Come to think of it…I see Fruits Basket characters in Ro Te O, which I started writing at about this time in 2013. The Azrael of that time was a hybrid of Hatsuharu, Ritsu and Ayame, Tetsuya is basically Yuki and Ryou is Kyou…hmm.

Apparently, Shigure had in the 2001 anime a song that went like, “High school girls, high school girls, cute high school girls for me.” So that’s where it was??? (Context: I haven’t seen Fruits Basket 2001, but read the entire manga.)

Kimetsu no Yaiba 9

Recap time, recap time…so the lady’s in the back room and Tanjiro conveniently forgets the man is in the basement…? Wuh?

Moya was complaining about how repetitive this show can get when it comes to the script (i.e. it repeats itself because it doesn’t trust its audience, but I think that’s because this is originally serialised on TV week by week that people may forget if they’re not bingeing, taking notes or following the manga). I’ll talk more about that in my KnY collab post, I guess…

When Yushiro said “watch your back”…he really meant it, huh?

Temari are the balls, but kemari is when you kick the balls.

“…the eyeballs on his hands are creepy.” – LOL.

Shield Hero 22

The ep title just says “Hero Council”…not specifically that there are 4 of them.

My stream’s been buffering more than usual, so I went “like mother, like daughter” before Naofumi did…

It would’ve ben massively funny to hear Melty call Malty either “Trash” or “B****”…especially the last one, because that’s always a fun way to end a sentence (especially for a girl as young as her). Update: She does, but the way she does it isn’t as funny as I thought it would be (and she doesn’t end her sentence with her sister’s new name).

Wait, I thought they got rid of her slave pact??? I thought it was only for the duration of her trial that she needed it for.

L’Arc and that lady seem like they’re foreshadowing for later…hmm. Update: The next-episode synopsis says “yes”. So does that new visual.

Sarazanmai 9

I can’t believe this show’s almost over…That means I gotta get a move on with RobiHachi, but to be honest? Non-anime things are probably going to kep me busy until…a few days from now. So I’ll get RobiHachi watched then.

Characetrs are dying en masse in this episode, aren’t they??? I saw a spoiler that (well, SPOILER) Chikai’s gonna die, but I don’t know about Enta or Keppi…Update: To be honest, I thought Chikai was going to become the next monster – a gun monster, perhaps. Maybe now that I’ve finished the episode, he’ll become a real zombie. (Hey, see what I did there with the bolding…? How’s that for hiding spoilers, eh???)

Oh yeah…I forgot Enta’s sister was Kazuki’s teacher…

There was a sign behind Masa that said”Hinode Asakusa” – “hi no de” meaning roughly “under the sun” or “leaving the sun”.

Tokarev…? The gun? Gun monster, maybe? Is this a critique of the American gun…(exaggerated voice) Nah, can’t be…this is Japanese.

Lionel…Lionel…for some reason, that name in relation to soccer seems familiar...I just can’t put my finger on who it reminds me of, though. Update: Is it, perhaps, Messi…? Yes, I think that’s the guy I was thinking of…!

Aw…I’m not crying, you are…But these words were running through my head before Toi chucked the bag of money away and yelled, “F***!”: “Everything I do, I do it for you.” Isn’t that cute…?

Bungou Stray Dogs 34

“…one by one?” Junban means “sequentially”, so I don’t see why you have to use the phrase “one by one”. Or “one at a time” would also work.

Hardbank…to contrast Softbank (a phone company in Japan).

Face-stealing aliens strike again…(re: Atsushi)

Oh flip. This reminds me of my Kunikida fic…yeah, I bet you don’t remember it.

Hey, this dude! Apparently he’s from one of Kunikida’s stories. I really am approaching the end of what I know of canon…*gulp* Update: Oops, we already passed that part…

I wonder if the real Fyodor could play cello…? Or is this just a thing to make him ominous and villanous…?

The cross on the wall behind Kunikida…makes this show more like Eva than Kekkai Sensen…exquisite. Absolutely exquisite, isn’t it?

Another cool cross, behind Tanizaki!

What’s a tatamigatana? Also, I didn’t know other people could be synchronised using Doppo Poet and Ranpo’s deduction…

Does Kouyou mean (by “the one I most despise”)…Chuuya? Or herself? It’s definitely not Ace.

Kimetsu no Yaiba 10

Headpats for Yushiro as well! Headpats for everyone!

There’s a lot of Tanjiro being terrified in this episode…

Wait…Kizuki? I thought they were the 12 Moons? (Well, “tsuki” means “moon”, but then what’s the “ki”?) Update: The “ki” means “demon”, so the Kizuki are the 12 Demon Moons.

Being alone with the body…that��s always a scary thought in murder mysteries…for the people who dissect them to determine the cause of death, that is.

Considering the name of the episode is “Together Forever”…nup, I don’t see Nezuko and Tanjiro separating anytime soon…

The Kasugai crow is what happens when you can’t turn off your Google Assistant…or GPS…or Siri.

If Tanjiro knows the name of his crow, how do the crows get their names? Do their trainers (is that the right term for a crow breeder in this case…?) give them names?

OPM S2 Ep 9 (Ep 21)

LOL, that one shot of the ants…JC Staff really don’t care about this series, do they…?

I kinda forgot about Genos after a bit more than a week…sorry, I was watching other anime in between. (More than usual, at least. I started playing Chibi Tamago – a forum game for AniList where you collect badges for watching anime - that’s why.)

Did he (Pri-Pri Prisoner)…store his phone in his butt…?

#simulcast commentary #Bungou Stray Dogs #one punch man #Sarazanmai #Fruits Basket #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #the rising of the shield hero #Chesarka watches Tate no Yuusha no Nariagari #Chesarka watches BSD #Chesarka watches OPM #Chesarka watches Sarazanmai #Chesarka watches KnY #Chesarka watches Furuba #Tate no Yuusha no Nariagari

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theclaravoyant · 7 years ago

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AN ~ some Daisy & Coulson fluff! with a healthy serving of background Philinda. for @marvelthismarvelthat, who prompted “Daisy & Coulson + ‘my hands are shaking’”, along with some other prompts I’ve filled previously. I went an angsty/hurt/comforty route with the first prompt and now - and especially after the recent Daisy Coulson feels </3 - I couldn’t help but go fluffy with this one. Hope you like it!

Rshps: Daisy & Coulson, background Philinda, also some background team and background Quakerider. (And a Special Guest!) Rated G. Set in the distant/indistinct future. Fluff with a little cheese. Enjoy!

Read on AO3 (~1000wd)

“Knock knock!” Daisy called, more of a formality than anything as she pressed the door open with her shoulder and entered the room. Coulson was over by the mirror, intently focused on arranging and rearranging his tie, and muttering under his breath. Daisy could feel the tension radiating off him from the doorway. She smiled: it was unusual to see him so flustered, and though most of it was probably due to frustration and nerves she was still determined to chalk it up to love.

“Daisy!” Coulson cheered when she entered, glad to have an excuse to momentarily abandon the uncooperative strip of material. He waved her over instead. “Could you get this please? My hands – well my hand – is shaking, and my prosthetic doesn’t seem to be much good for this.”

Daisy clicked her tongue disapprovingly, shaking her head for the theatrics. “That Fitz. It’s just not good enough. Never know when you might need to tie a Windsor to military precision in the middle of a battlefield, do you?”

“Exactly,” Coulson agreed, playing along. “You get it.”

Daisy bit her lip, grinning as she pulled the tie into shape. His problem now addressed, Coulson relaxed and the smile soon returned to his face too; dreamier and more hopeful than Daisy could ever remember seeing him. She stepped out of the way so that he could give a final check over his appearance: a fine grey suit, with red features in the tie and pocket-square to match May’s dress. He tugged it so the lines sat more flatteringly, tried undoing the button and then doing it again, fixed his cuffs – his anxiousness was so adorably boyish, like he was waiting for his prom date, that Daisy almost laughed, but she bit it back.

She bit it back, and watched in fond adoration as Coulson’s expression once again became wrapped up in thought. Thought of today, thought of May. How often had Coulson dreamed of it, Daisy wondered. She’d never seen him and May as the type for getting married, but maybe that’s just because they were older and more understated in their affection than she was used to. How many chances like this had Coulson given up in his life? May, Daisy knew, had had Andrew and lost him, not once but twice over. Coulson, too, had had a sweetheart – not a fiancée, she didn’t think, but a possibility. A cello player, that’s all Daisy remembered, and he’d had to leave her too. Shield had taken so much from each of them – taken their chance at this sort of life – and yet still they pursued it. They circled back to each other. Or, rather, they’d never left each other. Maybe that’s why Daisy had never seen today on the cards, because it seemed so much like icing on the cake.

(That said, of course, Daisy was never one to turn her nose up at cake.)

Expected or not though, the day was upon them, and the rising hubbub outside Coulson’s dressing room reminded Daisy why she had come to fetch him in the first place. The door swung open and Mack stuck his head inside, and ordered them to get a wriggle on. Daisy waved him off and when he left, Coulson took a deep breath.

“Hoo, boy,” he breathed. “This is happening, isn’t it?”

“I know you are not telling me you’re having second thoughts,” Daisy warned. He shook his head.

“The opposite,” he assured her. “Actually, I kind of felt like I was dreaming ‘til just now.”

It was not hard to see why. A well-planned, if small wedding, in a beautiful if small church, where their names would be officially registered – all charges cleared – and photos would be taken and their lives would be interwoven, romantically, irrevocably, forever… It had never been on the cards before; at least, not since a man named ‘Agent’ had once died and ended up saving the world.

“It says something about our lives that this is a weird day, huh,” Daisy remarked.

“Enjoy it while it lasts,” Coulson reminded her. He shook his head, smiling fondly – it didn’t take much to turn his mind back to the task at hand. He gestured Daisy’s way toward the door. “So, how does this work? Are you going to give me away?”

“No, I’m flower girl, remember?”

Coulson shrugged. “Worth a shot. To be honest I’m not sure how this works, now that I’m an old man ‘n all.”

“How’s this,” Daisy offered, “I’ll walk you to the doorway. And I promise I’ll call an ambulance if you have a heart attack when you see her.”

“Do you really think that’s likely?”

“Oh, I’m not talking about May,” Daisy baited, letting the air of mystery linger a moment before she went on. “I mean, May is stunning, so look out, but actually I’m talking about another special little lady. A friend of mine tracked her down. Polished her up…”

Coulson’s jaw dropped. “No.”

“… a girl who looks even better in red than I do?” Daisy continued, teasing.

“No!” Coulson gasped, realisation clicking into place. Daisy pulled out her phone and showed him the picture: Robbie Reyes gesturing somewhat smugly to the car. His beloved Lola. Reyes was sitting on the bonnet but at this point Coulson didn’t even care. He could have cried, just from looking at it. So many memories of that damned car, and all he could think about was taking it down a desert highway with May at his side and silence and no-one and no responsibilities around them for days.

“She’s here, she’s outside,” Daisy explained. “When the ceremony is over she’s ready to take you guys on your honeymoon!”

“Daisy,” Coulson choked tearfully – “this is-“

“The least I could do,” she insisted, just as tearful herself. “The least we could do, me and Robbie and the whole team, for all you’ve done for us. Congratulations. I love you. All that. Now- let’s get out there before I ruin my make-up!”

Waving, she herded him toward the door, and Coulson was only too happy to oblige.

#philindafic #philinda #daisy johnson #daisyjohnsonfic #aospositivitynet #aosteam #daisy & coulson #philinda & daisy #aosficnet #clara's fic tag #misformarch

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elym13 · 7 years ago

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Queen’s Gambit

Part 3 of the femslash fun that is FitzElsa.

CHAPTER ONE

Aboard the HRM Idunn

The eighteen gun, ship-rigged, sloop-of-war HRM Idunn plowed through the waves of the cold North Sea. It was a glorious late September day, all bright sun and brisk ocean breeze, and she was headed home. It had been a brief patrol, a just a short week, and an uneventful one. Still her crew was impatient to return to land and their loved ones. Even her Captain was happy to be on the return, and not only because she was currently stuck in her cabin finishing up log entries. For as much as Captain Fitzwilliam loved the sea and loved her ship, she had finally found something — someone — to love more, and that someone was waiting for her -- would be waiting for her after she finished with the business of being Queen. Further, with Anna and Kristoff’s extended honeymoon tour of continental Europe scheduled to end soon, Fitz wanted to get in as much private time as she could with Elsa.

It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate Anna and Kristoff, too. It was just that time with Elsa when her sister was around was often not particularly private. Anna was a brilliant whirlwind of energy, who acted with limited forethought and never backed down from a challenge, qualities Fitz recognized and appreciated in herself. Kristoff was as stalwart and steadfast a man as Fitz had ever met, someone who would make a tremendous First Officer, or in Anna’s case a patient husband. However no matter what their charms, having Elsa to herself — well, sharing her only with the small rather sleepy kingdom that was Arendelle — had been a treat, and one Fitz intended to savor for every last moment.

That lovely thought was interrupted by a knock at her cabin door.

“Enter.” Fitzwilliam was seated behind her desk in her rather spartan cabin, which lacked the ornate teak furniture and thick oriental rugs she had enjoyed on her last ship, The Vigilant. She didn’t look up from the illegible scrawl that was her logbook, but she did hear her door open and close smartly.

“Captain.”

Now she looked up. Midshipman Anker, their newest recruit, was standing rigidly braced at attention.

“Mr. Anker?”

Anker was on his first assignment in Arendelle’s navy although nearly a man at sixteen. Arendelle started its officers at an older age than Fitz was used to and kept them longer too, if the graying cadre of other Captains was any indication. He was a capable lad, reasonably strong, reasonably smart, but he was shy. Most new midshipman were, but Anker suffered the triple threat of being shy, being a young man just starting to appreciate that women came in flavors other than his mother, and being a Midshipman aboard a sloop-of-war whose captain was a woman.

It wasn’t as if most people would correctly guess Fitz’s gender even on the second meeting, hidden as it was under layers of linen, silk and wool. She looked like most officers of her station, tanned, broad-shouldered, tall, with an air of competence and surety that bordered on arrogance. But Anker knew that she was a woman, a mysterious and vaguely notorious woman, one whom several ladies of his acquaintance tittered over, and that accentuated his shyness. And so, he was always on the losing end of a battle to keep his eyes and mind fixed where they needed to be on board ship.

“Mr. Anker.”

The boy jumped at edge in her voice and pulled his gaze up from where he was staring at the small miniature of the queen that the Captain kept on her desk. Fitz reached out and snapped shut the waterproof case that enclosed it.

“If you please, Midshipman.”

Anker began in a nervous rush, “Captain, Mr. Meilde reports that we’ve sighted the fjord’s mouth, sir. He estimates an hour to the harbor at our current speed.”

Fitz raised an eyebrow at the young man. In Avalon respects would be tendered with any message to a captain or there would be hell to pay. More specifically this Captain preferred not to be called “sir,” a point she had already made more than once to this particular midshipman.

Indeed she was the first woman in Arendelle’s navy. She had also been the first woman in Avalon’s, and she remembered well the struggles she had faced over everything from proper uniforms to the proper manner of address. It hadn’t been until she had a command of her own that she had managed to be addressed consistently in accordance with her gender, but once she had that command, she had prevailed. Now that she had her own command here, she had no intention of losing that hard earned ground.

“Send Mr. Meilde my compliments and tell him I'll be joining him momentarily.” Then more sternly she continued, “And I’ll thank you to please remember the form of address I prefer.”

“Aye, aye ...” Mr. Anker hesitated a moment, blushed, and Fitz mouthed the word 'ma'am' ... “Ma'am.”

Small victories were still a step in the right direction. “Good man. Rightly done. We'll make an officer of you yet, Mr. Anker.”

The boy nodded again and flung himself out the door to make his escape. Fitz waited to chuckle until the door shut behind him and his boots sounded heavy on the ladder to the deck. She could remember being that boy, although in a very different Navy. Then she stood and began to pack up her log book in its heavy oilskin.

The differences between Avalon and Arendelle were stark. Avalon was constantly at war, Arendelle had been at peace for hundreds of years. Arendelle replaced inedible salted beef with inedible pickled fish as the shipboard meal of choice. But most notably Avalon was a nation with a society that relished formality, with rigid class structures that were equally in place on land or sea. In Arendelle, relationships between the crew and the officers, and junior officers with their superiors were much less formal. There were, Fitz realized, many reasons for this. Arendelle had almost no aristocracy to draw its officers from. There was a baron or two and one foreign born count, but most of the naval officers came from the merchant class, as did much of the crew. Further Arendelle was very small, and so everyone knew everyone. There was a certain informality that came when everyone knew the name of the first girl you'd kissed, and whether or not you were her first. Arendelle’s size and history had left it with egalitarian attitudes, although nothing so extreme as the Americans or — Fitz held back the urge to spit on her cabin floor at the thought of Avalon’s traditional enemy — the Gauls.

Add to this fact, all of Arendelle’s crew were volunteers unlike Avalon where more than one man had been snatched from his peaceful life ashore and thrust unwillingly onto a ship and into a war. Knowing that more than half your crew were essentially prisoners did make for a more tense relationship with them. Lastly there was the example of Arendelle’s own royalty. Rigid formality had no place in a kingdom where the Princess was known for her pig catching, pie destroying, unintentional fjord swimming ways, as well as being always eager to help the townsfolk, and the Queen held skating parties in her courtyard and did her own decorating. With her own magic.

Fitz reopened the miniature case, looked at the image of her beloved, and mused that the events that led her into treason and exile were a blessing in disguise. The little painting itself had been its own tiny battle, but one that Fitz had finally won. It wasn’t that Elsa wasn’t used to having her portrait painted. Portraits were almost a weekly obligation for the queen. But this wasn’t like her other portraits, her official portraits.

True, she was standing in a three quarters pose as was traditional, hands demurely clasped at her waist, and the queen was always beautiful, no matter who the artist. However instead of bulky robes of state, in this portrait Elsa was wearing the ice dress that she wore everyday, a dress that always figured prominently in Fitz’s thoughts of her. Her expression was not the solemn look she affected for official portraits, gaze fixed at some nether distance, face carefully neutral and serious. No, what made this image one of Fitz’s most treasured possessions was that here Elsa was relaxed and happy, the woman Fitz felt blessed to have come to know. This Elsa had a sure, almost sly smile, and eyes that sparkled with intelligence and more than a little mischief. It was the look that reminded Fitz she was the lucky one to find someone this strong, this adventurous. And, it was the look that Fitz saw at night in the flickering candle light.

“Captain! Captain!” This time the door to her cabin slammed open, and Midshipman Anker was gasping as he flung himself through. “Mr. Meilde says you must come immediately, sir.”

Something in Anker’s tone told Fitz this was not the time for niceties, and she charged out of her cabin and up the main ladder with a speed that matched the urgency in Anker’s voice.

Her head had only just emerged from the hatch when she saw it. A swirl of ominous black clouds ahead of them to the east, right where the main port of Arendelle would be. Right where the castle would be. Right where Elsa would be.

As Fitz took her place on the quarterdeck the temperature fell and the wind gusted. She reflexively looked to the Idunn’s sails. They billowed, and then a freezing wind began swirling snow flakes in a frenzied spiral around the mastheads. It was late September; much to early for snow, even in Arendelle. The crew were all staring wide-eyed up at the sky, some frightened, some just amazed, but all unnerved. They had seen this before.

Fitz made a quick calculation and then a prayer that her faith in the ship was well placed. The safe thing to do was to take down some sail in the face of the rising storm, but she was in a hurry.

“Commander Meilde!” She bellowed over the shriek of the wind at her first officer. “T’gallants, if you please, then raise the royals. Best speed possible for home!”

Castille, the last stop on the honeymoon tour (two weeks earlier)

“Anna. You're dragging me away from a ball to visit,” Kristoff looked to his wife, Princess Anna of Arendelle, in disbelief, “the stable?”

The Castillian summer night was quite warm, but it was cooler here in the gardens than in the stuffy ballroom. Lively music wafted from the castle. Isabella, the young queen of Castille, knew how to throw a party, and it was packed with nobility from the entire realm. Everyone had wanted to see the newly-wedded Prince and Princess of Arendelle, whose sister just also happened to magically control ice and snow. In fact, Kristoff and Anna had caused a stir wherever they had gone in continental Europe.

“You're the one who thinks reindeer are better than people.” Anna replied tucking her arm through Kristoff's as they walked. “And horses are sort of like reindeer. So, I thought they might make good company, too. And after tonight, I'm really up for some ‘not people’ company. I mean except for you.”

“So it was the Castillian royalty who finally did you in,” Kristoff chuckled. When they had started their honeymoon grand tour, a gift from Elsa, Anna had been excited to meet everyone, see everything, do everything. But after three months of balls and formal dinners and receiving lines even Anna seemed ready to go home. Kristoff himself had already been ready, ready before Castille, ready before Allmany, possibly ready before even the first stop in Stockholm.

“Especially that awful man, the queen's cousin. Or is he an uncle? Carlos. Ugh. You know, when they told me I would meet the Infante Carlos, I figured he was a baby. And I would have enjoyed hanging out with a baby. Who knew it meant that ‘annoying stuck up full of himself scheming royal person who will never get near the throne because no one trusts him’?”

Kristoff laughed heartily, “And here I thought you were sad because you only got one dance with him.”

“Hmph!” Anna snorted. “Fortunately I learned all I needed to know about driving away dance partners from the Duke of Weaseltown. I'm a master of the trodden toe.”

Kristoff pulled her to him and wrapped her in his arms. “A little stepping on my toes wouldn't keep me away. Not from a beautiful woman like you.”

“Oh, you smooth talker.”

“I am getting better at that, aren't I?” Kristoff pointed at himself with a cocky flip of his wrist.

“You are getting better at everything,” Anna sighed with a fond smile. Then she realized what she had said. “Not that you were bad, you know, at everything. Or anything. Really you were quite good. Are good. I mean really good. Gooder than I expected.”

“Even at,” Kristoff lowered his head to whisper softly in her ear, “diplomacy.”

Anna gave his arm a playful smack. “Yes, diplomacy, too.” Then she raised her head high. “I think we've both been good. Elsa will be so pleased when we get back. I can't wait to tell her about all the markets we've found for timber and fish.”

“And ice,” Kristoff added. How could she forget ice?

“Of course ice. That was a given. Especially since I have the “ice master” at my side.”

“Ice master? Is that what I am?”

“Yes. Prince Kristoff of Arendelle, the Master of Ice.”

“Kinda hard to be THE master of ice in a kingdom with your sister.”

“Pshaw! She's the queen of ice and snow. There's a huge difference.”

“There is?”

Anna thought. “Well, for one she never scratches me with her beard when she kisses me.”

“That's the best you can do? We're talking about my finer points and all you can think of is my scratchy face,” Kristoff pouted.

“I didn't say I didn't like it,” Anna explained. “I mean it's all manly and stuff, and every prince I've seen has been jealous of you, well except for Edmund and he was jealous of me, you know 'cause you're all hairy and tall and strong and manly, and that's certainly one thing Elsa isn't is manly — or hairy, I mean except on her head -- and -- and how did we get on this subject again?”

“I dunno,” Kristoff shrugged. He was quite used to Anna’s stream of consciousness conversations, “but I think we should test this manly beard scratching during kissing thing. See if still holds.”

Anna batted her eyelashes and leaned in closer. “Why, Your Highness. What a delightful ...” she stopped when she heard the rustle of straw, and sighed. “I thought a stable would be deserted,” Anna grumbled at the retreating silhouette of a what was probably a groom.

“Hey, you picked the stable. Not me.”

“I guess we can walk out to the --”

Suddenly a voice rang out. “Princess Anna?”

“Nuts,” Anna groused. “They found us.”

A man in the livery of the castle appeared at the other side of the barn. “Princess Anna? You’re being requested at the castle.”

“Just stay here.” Anna winked at Kristoff. “I’ll be right back, and we can find an even more secluded spot in the garden. Old Infante was talking about a gazebo that was very romantic in the moonlight.”

“Sure thing,” Kristoff nodded.

Once Anna had left with the servant, Kristoff walked slowly to the nearest stall and gently stroked the nose of the horse tied there. Anna was right, it was nice to be back around the relative sanity of horses. Sure they could be skittish and delicate, but compared to your average royal courtier they were the very soul of stolid sanity.

But he also had to admit this trip had been magnificent. Neither he nor Anna had been outside of Arendelle before, well he had gone briefly to Sweden with Fitz, but he had been in fear for his life most of the time and so didn’t count that. The world outside of Arendelle was amazing. Beautiful, frantic, imposing, often the same, and sometimes so very different. Sure he knew they only saw the best of what each Kingdom had to offer, but then he also knew what poverty looked like, and he suspected it was the same everywhere. No need to repeat that experience.

And best of all he was with Anna. He had always cherished her as a friend. She was fun and crazy and unbelievably loyal and loving. But as a wife, she was all this and more. Every morning he woke up and thought how lucky he was. He had the beautiful brilliant fun princess by day, and the beautiful brilliant oh, so alluring princess at night. The snoring, messy hair, and tendency to drool when sleeping were just bonuses on top of that.

Speaking of which, he thought, where was Anna? It had been more than the few minutes she had promised.

Kristoff started back up the dark path to the castle. She had probably gotten trapped into another dance with someone. There were all these confusing rules about having to dance with strange people or you couldn't dance at all, and while Kristoff had decided not knowing the rules was to his advantage since then he didn’t have to follow them, apparently someone “born as a Princess” couldn't claim ignorance.

Kristoff could see the castle in the distance but the light shining in the windows fell far short of illuminating the path here. In the dark he kicked something. He picked it up. It was a fan. It was Anna’s fan. That was odd, he thought.

Arendelle Harbor – Navy Dock

Fitz jumped off the Idunn as soon as it touched the quay. She had tendered her salute to the colors even before that. She started for the castle at a sprint as the snowfall began to intensify. On the way she could hear the townsfolk confused and concerned, mostly they were saying “the queen, is she alright?” That drove Fitz faster.

When she got inside, where apparently most of the staff had not noticed the unusual weather, she found out that the Queen was holding an audience with a messenger that had come and insisted that his missive could be delivered only to the Queen and no one else. The messenger was from Avalon. Spurred on by that news, Fitz took the stairs up the main stair case two at a time headed for the throne room.

Castle Courtyard, Castille (two weeks earlier)

“Anna?” Kristoff called out as he walked swiftly back to the castle, holding her fan. “Are you OK?”

“She's fine, my friend.”

Kristoff whipped around to find himself face to point with a very sharp sword inches from his right eye. The man who wielded it was in the livery of the castle but partially masked, a wide brimmed hat obscuring his eyes.

“Who the hell are you? Where's Anna?”

“Never mind who I am.” The man answered tersely. “But unless you wish to die right here, you will cooperate with us. You and your beautiful princess will be safe as long as you both behave."

Kristoff heard the sound of grunting and a struggle. Both he and the other man were surprised when Anna appeared, a ruffian unsuccessfully trying to subdue her. She grabbed at the hands that were wrapped around her waist, pulled and twisted hard. Kristoff heard a sick crackle and then a howl as the ruffian dropped to his knees. Anna then turned and kicked him so hard that he fell backward into a heap. His companions moved backwards away from her, each exhorting the other to step in.

“Run Kristoff! Run!” She shouted.

The man with the sword stepped half a pace forward.

“I wouldn't do that if I were you.” He held his gaze on Kristoff as he called out more loudly. “Princess, unless you want your man without an eye, or perhaps without a head, you'll calm down and stop fighting. We really only need you. Our pay’s the same if he dies.”

“What?” Anna stopped, still ready to flee down the path to the castle. But after one exchanged glance with Kristoff, she sagged and raised her hands. Another ruffian roughly pulled her back into the shadows. As Kristoff was pulled after her, he thought. 'I knew we should have returned to Arendelle after the last ball.'

Arendelle Castle, the Throne Room

“What is the meaning of this?” Elsa’s voice was a taut crystalline whisper, every word forced through tight lips, barely audible over the frigid wind that swirled in her throne room. Part of her still couldn’t believe it. Anna and Kristoff kidnapped while on their honeymoon? This man delivering the demand that she arrest Fitz and send her back to Avalon in exchange for her sister’s safe return? But the other part of Elsa heard and believed him entirely. It was everything she had feared and expected, all of her worries come to pass. And the fury that came with this realization threatened to overwhelm her. She didn’t even try to fight her magic.

Elsa clenched her fist and then the messenger in front of her was covered in ice to his knees. The ice slowly expanded upward.

“Wha – wha – what the message says, Your Majesty,” the young man stuttered both from fear and the rising cold. “I – I am a diplomatic messenger from His Grace Allan, the Duke of Ledsham. And he begs you to right a grievous wrong you have perpetrated on his family by harboring that criminal Fitzwilliam.”

“Diplo --” Now Elsa stuttered in rage. “Diplomatic! What kind of diplomacy involves kidnapping my sister and her husband. Holding them hostage? Threatening their lives?”

“If you turn over Fitzwilliam, no harm will come to the Princess.”

“Oh, she had better not be harmed, or you and the blackguard who sent you will be digging yourselves, your lands — the entire kingdom of Avalon out of the snow for the next hundred years.”

“If you turn over Fitzwilliam --”

The ice crackled as it spread across the messenger's chest and up his neck. “Please, please,” he begged. “You can't --”

“Oh, can't I?” Elsa started forward, her magic demanding to end this, to end the man himself. It would be so easy.

“Your Majesty!” The doors burst open and Captain Fitzwilliam herself burst through, dragging two guards behind as they tried to stop her. “Elsa!” Fitz took a look at the tableau in front of her. “Elsa, stop! This isn't you!”

Elsa swung her icy gaze around at Fitz, and stared at her for a long moment. She flicked her fingers and the messenger dropped to the floor as the ice holding him disappeared.

“Seize Captain Fitzwilliam and take her to the dungeons,” she ordered.

#FrozenFanfiction #femslash #nerdyrises

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