#girl now I’m really?? rn
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This might be in poor taste
But……….
#patti lupone#meg giry#henry stafford#duke of buckingham#love never dies#lnd#richard iii#shakespeare#requiem of the rose king#??#mainly because of the want carnally part#baraou no souretsu#rotrk#phantom of manhattan#darius muhlheim#wild tag group lmaoooooo#if you understand you understand#for the pics in the Meg Buckingham part#girl now I’m really?? rn#oh whatever#trust I have good intentions#idk sleepy#think about these 3 mfs a lot#m
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Baby Snoopy Angst Drawings
#tfw you’re separated from your family and a girl you really care abt just bc your a dog#and then now you all alone at your old home without any of your siblings and mother bc they were all sold away :(#the second drawing is absolutely NOT clean-looking the more I look at it lol it’s so rough#but I felt like I just had to draw this#given how popular clips of Snoopy’s Reunion are online rn I’m surprised I haven’t seen art like this before online#peanuts#snoopy#charlie brown#cartoons#fanart#cute#cartoon#woodstock
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my sisters are rewatching squid game and i’m not sure what happened in my brain but sang-woo’s death really set me off i can’t stop crying LMAOOO
#probably bc#i’m on my period but like girl be serious rn omg#i think it was the line that was like ‘remember when we used to play this game as kids and our moms would call us in for dinner …. no one’s#calling now’#and gi-hun stopping the game even though he said he was gonna kill him like guys i am so sad over this rn i cant HRJSJSJSJ#sorry to be emotional idk this really hit me hard for some reason i’m so embarrassed#anyway#squid game spoilers#<- just in case someone is behind the times
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everytime i’m faced with wild overt misogyny that’s just platformed like it’s nothing i remind myself that people don’t actually have to feel this way about women. men are fully capable of treating women like human beings and viewing them as such. “but socialization but male fantasies but patriatchy speaks through us even when we don’t recognize it” sure but actually regardless there exist men who are fundamentally not raging misogynists and they generally seem happier and better adjusted. misogyny to me isn’t disappointing because “oh i can’t believe Men, as an essentialized category of person, are like this” it’s disappointing because people make the choice to be like this. “it’s my biological imperative as a man to dominate you” okay well it’s my biological imperative as a freaky bitch to dominate you so what now. what biological imperative is making you comment “onlyfans detected opinion rejected” on every picture of any attractive woman. i think i will always be understood by most people as a woman and i’m learning to accept that and trying to like it but misogyny makes me feel very trapped of course. but misogyny is a choice. which means some people make the choice to be misogynistic which is profoundly frustrating. but many other people choose not to be actively misogynistic and i believe anyone could choose not to be actively misogynistic if they wanted. so it’s a whole thing
#lotte.txt#womanhood is a fun thing to participate in with women who do not hate women. otherwise it’s very stifling and starts to not be worth it 4 me#for other girls — cis and trans btw — i think relishing in womanhood still feels worth it even when it’s very difficult and i admire that#but apart from my fashion sense and bloodlust i feel very detached from womanhood as like this primal animate Essence#but i don’t really want to be a man either. i like being a Weird Girl i like being a Hot Weird Girl#i’m more of a Hot Weird Girl than a Hot Weird Boy and i’ve discovered that through trial and error#and calling myself nonbinary/fluid accurately describes my experience in a lot of ways. but i also sometimes feel like the label doesn’t..#serve me? if that makes sense#like i got really into kibbe in 2020 and it was like oh shit i’m a soft dramatic. how cool that there’s something that describes my body#but after a while i got exhausted with kibbe because yeah. by the logic of the system of course i’m a soft dramatic#and i operate with that knowledge in the back of my mind. but also so what. i am aware of the shape of my body now#and now i feel the label has very little left to offer me#like if you’re asking? sure i’m a kibbe soft dramatic. but i don’t hold kibbe’s system as law or view it as crucially important#that is very much how i feel rn about calling myself nonbinary#like if you want me to think about it? yeah i don’t strictly conform to the gender binary#but i don’t believe gender itself is useful for my growth - i don’t hold the institution of the gender binary sacred - why bother#why draw attention to where i exist within the system when i’m tired of defining myself in terms of the system at all. yk#aUghj. anyway
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Sa’riya when her insane gf is insane
#My girl must be absolutely bricking it rn 😭😭#Also we’ve heard the ‘reactor core’ being referred to several times now but have no idea how it works. But generally striking a ‘reactor’#with a shitton of electricity is unlikely to have a good outcome#Sa’riya#Kira’na#Sarikira#<- I think that’s the ship name#Boboiboy#arc Gur’latan#I’m enjoying this so so much heheheh#It’s really good#Having the consequences for bbbm2 and Kira’na’s motivation actually making sense. Like yeah TAPOPS is really awful & inefficient 😭#And that comes at the cost of a lot of lives for Gur’latan…
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Wouldn’t it just be so beautifully poetic if August’s life was ruined (even more, it already is) by the person he loved, while he watches Simon and Wille, whom he tried to ruin through their love life, be stronger than ever?
He was jealous and mad at Wille and decided to attack him where it would hurt the most: his love life. He saw what he had with Simon and decided that he would rip that straight out of their hands. August falling in love with Sara and fucking it up yet again just gives the best setting for his life to get ruined on another level (because I don’t know if legally anything will ever happen). There’s just so much potential for the people he ruined to ruin him in return, even without meaning to. Because right now, there’s only one thing that was truly going good for August: his relationship with Sara. But that’s fucked now, Sara wants nothing to do with him anymore. What she wants, from what we’ve seen in the ending of s2 at least, is to right her wrongs and make it up to Simon. August gave her what she wished for (aka Roussea) and there’s no hesitation in her refusal of the horse. She wants nothing to do with August anymore, and I think it will probably stay that way no matter if Simon accepts her excuses or not.
But by being with him in the first place, Sara gave August a taste of what it’s like to be loved and to love in return (because he never had that with anyone else, not Felice and not any of the other girls he slept with, if we base ourselves on Erik’s words in s1ep1), and it could get taken away from him so easily (it already is, now we need to see if it stays that way next season). I don’t know I just really want August to pay for what he did in every way imaginable and to have a taste of love but not being able to have it anymore would hurt him so good. It would hurt him the way he hurt Wille and Simon, but possibly even worse if he sees them be happy together after everything and Sara never takes him back.
So, if Sara tries to make up for her mistakes (and to hurt August it doesn’t even matter if she makes up with Simon, tho it would hurt him even more if they do) and in the process she completely get over him, well I just think that would be a nice thing to see him go through. There is no denying that Sara fucked up so bad and that alone would of course not redemption her but like. That’s a bit of an added bonus of another way to make him pay. She has nothing to lose anymore, might as well bring him down while trying to right her wrongs🤷♀️
#this is quite the word vomit#Im just really in my hating august feels rn#maybe I’m setting myself up for disappointment but Sara girl you have nothing to lose now please do this thing for me#young royals#sara young royals#august young royals#queue
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The hot girl urge to
[push myself to the absolute brink physically and emotionally just to achieve something in life because I refuse to die a nobody]
is currently drunkenly fist fighting my urge to
[take 4 melatonin and pass tf out because I got shit to do tomorrow and my brain isn’t working]
#i’m not doing well but slay at least i’m hot#<- I say this with greasy af hair and a full on breakout happening rn#gifted kid burnout but I never ‘burnt out’ because I barely reached a smoulder and then petered out because sad bitch hours hit early#and now I need to prove that I’m still worthy and able to create and devote myself to something#because god damnit I miss being a child prodigy because at least I was good at something#gifted kid burnout#idfk what im doing#idk what to tag this as#i’m mentally unwell#i’m just a girl#not really but yeah#aroace#aromantic#asexual#idk how to tag this#genderfluid
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Tim Drake: oh man i hope there’s not an evil inverse me with reversed initials vying for my spot as smartest batkid
Duke Thomas:
#guy with the rep for being the sleepyist bat versus guy who wakes up bright and early every morning with vigilantism on his mind#and they have inversed intials?#coincidence? i think not!#hey remember in lonely place when Tim figured out who dick was by watching him on the news? and then Duke TECHNICALLY did the same thing#hey remember how duke met Bruce as a kid? and how Tim met dick as a kid?#remember when Duke learned riddles like the baby girl boss he was and he knew dick’s song#actually remember how dick had a song written about him? slay.#leo says shit#tim drake#duke thomas#it was me Timmy. I killed your mom.#somehow when I was like. wait let me do the math.#Tim was 13 so add 4 years to make 17 and Dami is nine so so then three to make him 12 is 7 and then 16-7 oh shit I was gonna guess nine#SOMEHOW I killed your mother when I was a nine year old living in the narrows#it was me. I crashed the plane Barry I mean Tim#can you tell i (op not duke) am procrastinating on something because I’m procrastinating on something rn#ANYWAYS now i want to see evil duke well actually i will never be able to see that because evil duke would simply steal all the light#and then kill me with the light i guess i don't really understand how his powers work
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‘Puter mari can’t read rooms. Or screens I guess
#my girl I’m SO normal about her#goes INSANE!!!#omori#omori au#omori mari#I’ve been just developing her character in my head because it’s so interesting#she’s mari but NOT mari at the same time#she has her own little quirks and parts of personality which she in turn questions if that makes her really mari#every single detail about her character is like a concentric circle#it just keeps going and going and the concepts derivative of previous concepts get deeper and deeper#she’s in the depths of an existential crisis let her brood#she IS very bad at socialising and reading rooms and moods and stuff#she’s been trapped her whole life!! both in the game’s storyline and literally on the computer too!!! give her a break!!!!#cw sui mention#some little facts about her for those interested#she speaks with like this tweaked tts that sunny made#in which he adjusted it enough so that it sounded like mari to him#:(#so like. whatever voice headcanon you have for mari bitcrush it and make it choppy thats her#she was the first vocaloid!!! puter mari did it FIRST!!!!#she also gets more advanced the more she’s around#at some point she figures out how to start transferring into electric appliances#sunny’s microwaving leftovers and his microwave starts talking to him in puter mari’s low resolution ass voice#BSJDJDJNZ I love her#I’m purposefully ignoring like the entire angst aspect of her character rn#it’s silly time!!!#ough puter mari you will now forever have my heart#I have more little facts about her lmk if you wanna hear them!!!#puter au
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In a weird “longing for romance” mood…..hope I get well soon
#last week I considered reinstalling a dating app 🤢#bitch you are NOT in the mind space to be lookin for that rn#but idk……….i would like to experience what it’s like to have a girlfriend AT SOME POINT#last time I kissed anyone was like 2 years ago and it was spin the bottle with people I wasn’t really that attracted to#it was the first time I had kissed a girl and I remember thinking#‘wow if this already feels really nice how must it feel when I’m actually in love with a woman..?’#and now that thought has been bouncing around my head again a lot lately :/#can’t put myself out there yet though. not any time soon.#sigh……
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#OFFING MYSELF WHY AM I SO STUPID OMG#at my chem recitation and there’s this guy i recognize from my success course last sem but i had the feeling he didn’t like me#it was just vibes you know what i mean#typing this from the bathroom rn there’s this girl sighing next to me ugh she knows what’s up oh nvm she’s shitting i gotta go#okay i’m out now so I SIT NEXT TO HIM BC I GOT ASSIGNED THERE#AND HE HANDS ME THE SIGN IN SHEET AND WE’RE ASSIGNING OURSELVES INTO TWO TEAMS#he wrote his name and i thought he hated me so i put my name in the other team. guess what i was supposed to do. not that#so we had to erase EVERYONE’S NAMES bc of ME and he was so nice about it 😭😭😭😭😭#i talk really quiet and he couldn’t hear me bc he’s hard of hearing so he leaned in and AGAHAHG HE LOOKS LIKE HAWKS IF HE WAS A SURFER#so then i sat there feeling sorry and frazzled the whole time#we’re in the same major and everything he said he’s great at bio but awful at chem and i’m the opposite#so now i have to do my makeup 3/4 days of the week bc i don’t have class on fridays#i love making good decisions and having reasonable priorities#and i have to get good at bio or i will be so embarrassed#i thought men didn’t exist in my major
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Does anyone else feel like almost all of the conflicts that had to do with the various character dynamics in Chain of Thorns didn’t actually get resolved, they just unexplainably ceased to exist after two books of building them up because CC didn’t feel like writing them anymore and she didn’t know how to resolve it naturally after how she’d built the issues up so much?
Like how none of the characters but Cordelia and Thomas had any clue about the Alastair and Charles situation and then suddenly in CoT it was like who doesn’t know? Of course Matthew knew and didn’t say anything before and then randomly brought it up to Cordelia in Paris while assuming she knew too
Or how Alastair and Thomas went from how things were at the end of CoI with Alastair thinking it could never work because Thomas’s friends hate him to oh look everyone suddenly is friends with Alastair with no grudge with no development of that in this book at all, just an abrupt shift
Especially the Alastair and Matthew dynamic where Matthew hated Alastair and wanted him to have nothing to do with any of their friends and he spent CoI ranting about him to Cordelia. And then suddenly in CoT it’s like of course Matthew is supportive of Thomas and Alastair and oh look Matthew and Alastair are suddenly not just tolerating each other for Thomas’s sake but friends despite barely interacting and no development actually showing and never getting any mention of the other in their own POVs, just having Cordelia be like Alastair stop being dumb, you’re literally friends with him now
Or like everyone other than Christopher and Grace where it was like oh we don’t like her for how she’s treated us and her friends straight to anyway she’s one of us. Like yes Grace was useful and yes Tatiana manipulated her whole life, but none of that was why anyone changed their minds or opinions? It was just suddenly the flip of a switch when it was convenient for CC
Or Anna and Ariadne where it didn’t so much develop as Anna just acted mean to Ariadne on and off throughout the series and at the end of CoI she wanted nothing to do with a relationship and then in CoT she was just suddenly like sure I guess I do. Also, slightly different note, but I did not like that Anna barely interacted with anyone else for the entire book and she was just off in the corner being an irrelevant romantic subplot for almost all of the book except when she showed up to barely even be shown in the background being sad about her brother being dead
(Although Anna still got more of a reaction than everyone else and his death was poorly executed all around in the sense of how did you write this so predictably and poorly that no one even knows when he died and it’s so background and 99% of the characters don’t care at all and we don’t see his parents finding out or much of Thomas’s reaction or anything and it’s just as if he wasn’t a character anymore 2 seconds later which is a different genre of issue with CoT but similar problem in the sense that both issues made the book feel a lot more emotionless to read)
And how the issues of Thomas and Alastair being together as two men and Anna and Ariadne being together as two women in this time and the issues of what would happen if the fact that Charles and Alastair were gay got out to the entire Clave just disappeared and never got addressed at all. We know how the ClVe reacted to Alec Lightwood YEARS later. We know society was homophobic at the time TLH is set and that it seems like shadowhunter society was a lot less open-minded than mundanes a century later
I understand that Charles being blackmailed and making shitty decisions was annoying but it was like suddenly everyone finding out wouldn’t have consequences and all the other queer men characters were like how could you possibly be worried about this :/ as if they haven’t spent the whole series knowing they have to be careful about who they tell. And then suddenly it was just of course it’s totally fine and safe to have everyone find out and why wouldn’t you be fine with that. And it was really written in a way that had other queer characters like oh Charles is such a coward for not being ready to publicly tell a bunch of homophobic people his sexuality and it just wasn’t it??? And super weird after Thomas was terrified of telling even Anna and Matthew for years. And also, I did not care for the fact that when Charles did go risk getting outed to finally do the right thing, we didn’t even get to see it through any character’s perspective or how that important meeting went, we just got one line of dialogue from somebody else saying that it happened with no details at all. And I can’t think of other examples right now but there were quite a few moments like that where we got one line saying that something had happened that was important to the plot and to characters’ development that seemed like it would have been more interesting than some of what we did get to see where it was just totally breezed over and way too easy and totally background to less important stuff
And then there was the whole no one reacting to Ariadne and Anna dancing together publicly thing was like yeah that’s nice I guess but not realistic and it doesn’t go with the way things have been presented up to that point, it also just feels like a situation where CC was like well this would be easier for me so there just won’t be consequences and then they can easily end up happily together
And then there was the whole Thomas and Alastair thinking they couldn’t realistically be together thing and knowing they couldn’t get married or be known to be together by anyone they’re not close to and then at the end it’s still not really addressed how they’re going to be together? Like there was the laziest write off of the family tree being wrong and then we still are just left to assume that eventually they move in together and suddenly it’s not a problem and everyone’s fine with it? And then I also feel like we don’t actually know if everyone found out about Alastair and Charles’ sexualities after the blackmail or if people are going to assume about Thomas and Alastair or if that’ll cause issues or if no one knows outside of who they’ve told and they have to be careful or what. Which like wouldn’t necessarily need to be addressed if it wasn’t for the logistics of being together as two men in that time being part of the obstacle that they were struggling with being in their way and then it felt like it was totally forgotten to even be one at the end by CC
Idk like I’d love to think they just lived in a world where homophobia didn’t exist but it felt like homophobia was a plot point when CC wanted it to be an inconvenience and then suddenly disappeared just to make her writing easier the moment she didn’t want it there anymore instead of actually addressing the plots she raised with it if that makes sense?
And sorry, I really did not mean to go on a rant this long. And maybe everyone else had a very different reading experience than I did and other people don’t agree with some or all of this. I personally am just very confused about how the book was almost 800 pages long and it felt like so much of the development in it was us abruptly being told that development had happened rather than actually getting to see it and how so many of the issues were abruptly solved in an I don’t want to write this issue anymore kind of way rather than anything actually needing to be worked at outside of the Belial situation
Edit: You know what, I mentioned it in my tags but I feel like it’s annoying enough to put in the body of the post and make it even longer. What the fuck was with everyone outing or potentially outing everyone else just so that characters could openly talk about the queer characters and tell them to do what they want them to? Why did Matthew out his brother multiple times? Like yes, the people he said it to coincidentally already knew, but he didn’t know that. And why was Thomas outing Alastair? The straights got to keep their secrets as long as they wanted and fix their problems more naturally. Why did I have to sit through queer characters constantly having their sexualities and romantic histories to everyone else when they clearly had not okayed it? Why were the queer characters doing so much of the outing? Why were people who cared about them and knew what it felt like to be afraid of the wrong person finding out just broadcasting their sexualities to make it easier for CC to breeze past development to have their things get resolved fast? Why did no character have an issue with it at all?
#As a queer person the whole using homophobia against her characters as plot just to pretend homophobia doesn’t exist and call her characters#cowards for worrying about it as soon as she’s decided writing it doesn’t serve her plot agenda anymore really icks me right out#Like yeah I’d love homophobia to not exist but girl what are you doing that’s so gross to go about it that way#ALSO everyone outing or potentially outing everyone else to other characters to make it easier to get the queer characters to do what she#wanted them to was a HORRIBLE vibe. Why is Matthew outing his brother? Why is Thomas outing Alastair? Why is everyone telling everyone else#people’s sexualities as if it’s nothing and everyone has a right to know when that character clearly did not feel that way#And it’s so out of nowhere every time too#Hot take: Charles protecting Alastair’s privacy instead of outing him was more valid than anything any of the other queer characters said#about Charles or Alastair’s sexualities even if I hate Charles and his going along with the blackmail was bullshit#Also now that I’ve written all of this down and 99% of what I wrote about in here has to do with the canon queer characters that’s not#a great look either that she did breeze over some of the stuff with the other characters for sure but she was way more likely to skip depth#and development with the queer characters in CoT#CC said no slow burn gradual changes in this book… there’s only room for abrupt 180s and Cordelia running 🏃♀️#Sorry if this has weird typos and other mistakes in it. I typed on my phone and didn’t check for autocorrect nonsense and I’m too lazy to#reread this all rn at my current brainpower level#CoT#Chain of Thorns spoilers#Chain of Thorns#The Last Hours#The Shadowhunter Chronicles#Cassandra Clare#My Posts
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reading easier level books with the open dyslexic font is actually making reading fun again 2 me
#realizing things abt myself rn#have i always struggled this much to read 🪿#honestly actually yes because i remember struggling in middle school too even if it took me a few days to plow through pjo and hoo books#i’ve been trying to finish the atlas six for two years now but the writing is sooooooo. sometimes too#girl i really do think i’m dyslexic … i’m like 90% sure my mom is in some way too#anyway fourth wing fun :) finally picked it back up again on libby!!! happy i bookmarked it because whew i had to check it out again#for the first time since august#anyway no one make fun of me . i know how weird ppl are about books other people read for some reason#also i have the autistic fear of being perceived#anyway <3
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#I’m so fucking angry rn#my roommate’s staying out longer than expected which might. genuinely be a trauma trigger for me#I didn’t know she’d be out until fucking almost 1am it is now#I can’t call her bc the calls are not going through whatever that happens more often I know that’s just random#she just texted like half an hour ago ‘I’m okay guys I’m just with (friend)’ girl when the fuck are you getting home??????#I don’t even really care that you’re okay I just need to know that#I need to know when to expect the fucking noises of you going to bed otherwise I can’t go to sleep#I just need to fucking know#stupid bitch#she knows this I’m 100% that she knows this
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no yeah I’m getting def getting reassessed for adhd because this ain’t it, chief
#sillyposting#2 more friends just told me I sound like them when they’re off their meds. cool cool cool#my mom said today I make her anxious because she worries about my deadlines more than I do lol#being a student again has really made me say yeah girl you really ARE a hot mess#unfortunately my next appointment with my NP is in a month and they don’t have anything sooner#just refer me somewhere now mannn I wanna get on a waitlist 😓#I’m genuinely in distress trying to focus on important tasks due to boredom#I could be writing rn *buzzer noise* I could just do this tomorrow *buzzer noise*#I already have 30 tasks overdue. what’s one more? what’s the rush? *buzzer noise*#making a to-do list is boring and also scary therefore I refuse to do it *buzzer noise*#I could be sleeping right now *buzzer noise*#I could be researching and writing a paper on a special interest right now *buzzer noise*#I have no concept of what all I need to get done but it’s okay bc my happiness right now is more important#*buzzer noise*#I have no clue what any of my classmates are talking about#because I haven’t kept up with the readings and assignments like they did#but that’s okay I’ll catch up later *buzzer noise*#I’ll take a break and come back. I’ll take a break and come back. I’ll take a break and come back. *buzzer noise*#I’ll start this task and switch to this next one and man I’m bored so I’ll go to the next thing I need to do and man this is boring too#*buzzer gets stuck*#tired of life being one never-ending game of catch-up. I just want to do things without needing a gun to my head#I’ve BEEN saying saying this since high school
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I’m so excited I’m like literally shaking
#so I work at like seasonal job multiple stores and shit some more far out and in the boonies than others#and like before I was at my current job I managed this shitshow camp store#literally was so horrible but only bcs my boss sucked and pushed all his responsibilities to me while I still had to do MY JOB#like darkest time of my life trying to keep that store from falling apart until eventually I was like fuck this#transferee to a different property in a different state and like stalked this lady who would come help us and she hired me as her assistant#like truly amazing I love her so much my boss is the fucking best#but now at my property we have a camp store with no manager being run to the ground#so they asked me to go manage it…#and lLIKEEEE ITS IN THE HIGH CIUNTRY#SOOO NO SERVICE LIVING IN A TENT SHARED SHOWER DORMS#IM SO EXCITEDDD#and also I’ll be at 9k feet elevation SO ILL SEE STARSS!#im at 5thoussnd feet rn and it’s just not the same#my shitty store was at 7 thousand but the year before I lived at 8 thousand feet and the stars are so magical#but everyone else I work with feels bad I ‘have to’ go up there and run the store for a few weeks#I’m like literally MY PLEASURE#working in a camp store is literally summer camp vibes#and I’m such a retail girl boss they didn’t even brief me they were like you know how to open and close a store#AND I DONT HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF INVOICESSS#that was my nightmare at the last place like they taught all the managers how to recieve and pay invoices but no one else really understood#sooo like a day before months end when invocies HAVE to be paid I’d get stacks from every store on property#and like just my store was already a lot to go through bcs we did groceries and gas and beer and retail merch#but lol I came to my current place and they have a whole office just for that lotta sweet lady’s in accounting I’m like damn??#they did me so dirty????#best part about being a warehouse girl with previous retail management experience is thissss#pray for me though I haven’t managed other humans in 2 years and they’re union employees so I just have to follow all the rules#love the union but I’m scared of breaking any labor laws since I’ve never managed humans in the state in living in#last state was horrible there was no lunch break laws
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